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Never be lied to again.

HOW TO GET THE TRUTH IN 5 MINUTES OR LESS IN ANY CONVERSATION OR SITUATION

DAVID J.LIEBERMAN, PH.D.

ST . MA R T I N ' S GR I F F I N NE W YO R K

Ste e &asdin.ect. A thousand thanks to )a id Stanford 'urr. my editor at St. Mark &ohut. and to the entire 'roadway Sales )epartment for their continued ef* forts on behalf of this book. for their outstandin! work on the manuscript. Sally +ichardson. .AC KNOW LE DGMENTS I would like to thank Jennifer Enderlin. marketin!. production ed* itor. Martin's for their intense efforts and commitment" Alison #a$arus. my warmest thanks to the publicity. Mike Storrin!s. and -ancy In!lis. A special thanks to St. And to those who ha e worked tirelessly. Jamie 'rickhouse. She is an exceptional talent whose ability is matched only by her boundless passion for her work. John Murphy. and sales departments at St. copy editor. ad ertisin!. . Martin's. for her ast enthusiasm and belief in this pro. and James (ehrle. Martin's publisher.heir hard work and dili!ence is e ident throu!hout this entire book. Janet (a!ner. John %unnin!ham.

. My infinite appreciation and !ratitude to 'arbara and (il* liam 1'+ourke. and +ay 'irdwhistell. +obert %ialdini. Michael #arsen and Eli$* abeth /omada. And my thanks to #aurie +osin. Stephen (orchel. Elliot Aronson. who !a e me the two thin!s e ery writer needs" tran0uility and computer help.he success of their a!ency is a clear reflec* tion of their professionalism and dedication. I would be remiss if I did not acknowled!e the e olution of the process and contributions of those !iants in the fields of human beha iour. and hypnosis" Milton Erickson. they stand without e0uals. Stanley Mil!ram. lin!uistics. for in aluable input and su!!estions. Jack 'rehm. (hile much of information in this book is based on newly de eloped and leadin!*ed!e research and technolo!ies. Judson Mills. In an industry of !iants. . 2red 'ootle.I would like to thank my a!ents. one of the nation's leadin! freelance editors. /aul Ekman.

. %aution is always ad ised when you are dealin! with indi iduals suspected of ille!al acts or illicit acti ities.A NOTE TO READERS . .hose in the pri ate sector must use .o those in law enforcement" make sure that you check ap* propriate federal and state laws re!ardin! both inter iewin! and interro!ation. with bene olence. and with the purposes for which they were intended.here will be those who will try to use this information to manipulate others and exploit situations. It is with hi!h hope and expectation that the techni0ues in this book will be used appropriately. 'ut do you hold back information that can help people because of a fear that there will be those who will abuse it3 .o li e in a world where information is distributed based upon the dama!e that can be caused by the lowest common denominator is to spiral away from pro!ress and away from hope.ud!* ment and common sense when usin! this system. .

. you'll ha e the tools to come out a winner. 6It's like ha in! a man inside their camp7an outpost in their head. As a board*certified hypnotherapist with a /h. 'ein! aware of someone else's true intentions is undeniably aluable. people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say. 5ou will learn how to !et at the messa!e beneath the words.o be an effecti e ne!otiator. in psycholo!y. ener!y. As you know. whether it's business or personal. often sa in! you time. you're in the !ame. how to know what people are thinkin! when they don't say what's really on their mind. thou!h. . and seasoned executi es cannot. 'ut we li e in a world of deception. and offer a type of le era!e that many hi!h*paid attorneys. you must use many strate!ies and techni0ues. or interro!ation. I represent cor* porations as well as pri ate indi iduals.6 In an ideal society there would be no need for lies or for this book. a spe* cialist in the field of human beha iour. . do you want to win3 In romance you need ne er play the fool a!ain. And whether you want to play or not.his book focuses on the truth and how to !et at it. . (e often for!et how easily facts can !et lost in a con er* sation. . or at the ery least not be taken ad anta!e of.oo often we miss the meanin! behind the messa!e. (here er and whene er you deal with people. Abraham #incoln is said to ha e posed the followin! 0uestion" 64ow many le!s would . money.he answers you !et from the world's most powerful supercomputer are worthless if the numbers you !i e it to work with are wron!. all of them relyin! upon the accuracy of the information you're !i en.he 0uestion is. In business you'll !et the upper hand. ne!otiation. . +emember.). WHAT'S IN THIS BOOK AND HOW TO USE IT I'm what is affectionately referred to as a hired !un. and heartache. you ha e the power to control the situation. your decisions are only as solid and ri!ht as the facts that you base them on.here is no !reater ability than consistently and constantly makin! the ri!ht decisions in life. A former client of mine put it best when she said. top*notch account* ants.INTRODUCTION THE PROCESS AND THE POWER 4onesty is at the cornerstone of e ery relationship. (hen you know a person's true intent.

E erybody does it. but nobody likes it when it's done to them.his book is di ided into ei!ht parts.a sheep ha e if you called its tail a le!36 62our. 6'ecause callin! its tail a le! doesn't make it one. Each section concludes with a summary for easy reference. And there's that one un* deniable truth about lyin!. PART 2 BECOMING A HUMAN LIE DETECTOR 6(e often fly blind into erbal combat. an at*tack se0uence. . . and sil er bullets. .his section offers a specific !ame plan to detect deceit.he first part offers a catalo!ue of forty*six clues to deception. Many of the examples in this book are drawn from personal relationships and business situations8 certainly most of us can identify with these scenarios. each from a different psycholo!ical an!le.his book picks up where others lea e off. Some of the clues in ol e the fundamentals of body lan!ua!e. .his sophisticated system in ol es choosin! from a ariety of scripted se0uences.he inno ati e techni0ues in this book will help you fi!ure out if you're bein! lied to. !oin! well beyond obser in! body lan!ua!e clues. they will assist you in !ettin! at the truth and in !ainin! control o er the situation. . If you are the ictim of a deception. each of which ex* plores a facet of lyin!. Each script includes a primer.6 explained #incoln. we can keep them from bein! successful.6 . detailin! exactly what to say and when to say it. their lyin! rarely benefits the person lied to.6 (hile people lie for many different reasons. PART 1 SIGNS OF DECEPTION . we usually think of the 0uestions we s h o u l d ha e asked two days after the battle is o er. di ided into se en sections. It takes at least two people for a lie to be effecti e7one to offer the lie and one to belie e it. And while we certainly can't stop people from tryin! to lie to us.hat is to say. PART 3 TACTICS FOR DETECTING DECEIT AND . while others use more ad anced techni0ues and processes such as psycholin!uistic emphasis and neural lin* !uistic choice perception.

almost no one will be able to lie to you.rance*Scripts. PART 5 ADVANCED TECHNI!UES . . but a full*fled!ed inter* ro!ation is out of the 0uestion3 . (hen you employ the second. in* stances where you may not ha e the le era!e you need.hrou!h this process you can persuade others to tell the truth. the principles that !o ern our thinkin!.his section pro ides phe* nomenal techni0ues for !atherin! more information without bein! ob ious. PART MIND GAMES 6Mind 9ames6 includes two simple techni0ues that pro ide extraordinary results. 5ou will also learn how to steer a con ersation in any direction that you choose in order to !et the informa* tion that you want. (ith an understandin! of how the brain processes information.GATH E RI N G IN FORMATI ON IN CASUAL CONVERSATIONS -ow what about those times in casual con ersation when you think someone mi!ht be lyin! to you. PART " PSYCHOLOGY ON YOUR SIDE . PART # INTERNAL TRUTH BLOCKERS . you will be able to easily influence other people's decisions.he psycholo!ical process is different than if you were comin! from a position of stren!th. :sin! a blend of hypnosis and a system I ha e de eloped called . 1nce you learn these laws. you'll know how to !et the truth out of anyone. (hen you use the first.his part explores the ten fundamental laws of human beha iour.his section also co ers those times when different tactics are necessary for !ettin! to the truth.his section presents the most ad anced and !roundbreakin! techni0ues for !ettin! at the truth. . you will be able to discern anybody's true intentions and moti ation in any situation. you'll be able to !i e commands directly to people's unconscious minds7all in con ersation and without their awareness. .

.his section lets us in on the psycholo!ical secrets of the experts. (e all know someone who abso* lutely refuses to belie e that his or her spouse is unfaithful. e en affect your ability to e aluate information. 5ou will disco er how the pros7from professional poker players to master ne!otiators7keep you from per* cei in! the facts in an ob. despite all the warnin! si!ns.his was done to make the lan!ua!e less sexist. of course. .4ere's the bi!!est truth in a book about lyin!" we lie loudest when we lie to oursel es. not to indicate that one sex is more likely to lie in !i en situ* ations than the other.hrou!hout all of the examples in this book the pro* nouns he and she are used alternately. Note to readers: . . . PAR T $ E%TERNAL TRUTH BLOCKERS .his section shows you how to become aware of and eliminate those internal blockers that keep you from seein! what's really !oin! on.he influence of the pros is enormous8 they can ha e a powerful impact on your per* ception of reality7unless.ecti e fashion. you' e read this book and can outthink them.

SIGNS OF DECEPTION 64e that has eyes to see and ears to hear may con ince himself that no mortal can keep a secret.) 2 + E : ) .6 7S I 9 M : . If his lips are silent. he chatters with his fin!ertips8 betrayal oo$es out of him at e ery pore.

In some instances you'll be lookin! for lies of omission 7what's missin! that should be there. 1ther times you'll be dealin! with lies of commission7thin!s said or done that are inconsistent with the rest of the messa!e. . 1ccasionally you won't ha e access to all these clues" you mi!ht be on the telephone. ethnicity. tryin! to extract more information.unction with one another.his part contains a catalo!ue of forty*six clues to deception. the tone of the con ersation chan!es and !atherin! additional facts be*comes difficult. psycholin!uistic emphasis . what to listen for. (hile some are excellent indicators by themsel es. and cultural back!round can influence how we interpret arious clues7 the use of !estures and personal space. . . 1nce you reali$e that you're bein! lied to. 5ou will also be usin! more sophisticated methods de eloped as a result of my research in the field of human beha iour. should you confront the liar immediately3 :sually not.hese are used to detect discrepancies between the erbal and the non erbal messa!e. thou!h. in ol es the words that people choose to reflect their current psycholo!ical state. and not be able to see the body of the person you are talkin! to. these factors are ne!li!ible and can be i!nored. wait until you ha e all the e idence you want and then decide whether to confront the person at that time or hold off to fi!ure how you can best use this insi!ht to your ad anta!e..he best ap* proach is to note the fact in your mind and continue with the con ersation. Some of these are so subtle that they can easily be missed unless you pay close attention. It's not necessary to memori$e these clues. and what to ask for. 2or the most part.he clues can be used independently or in con. di ided into se en sections. for example. Some of the clues draw on traditional psycholo!ical dis* ciplines such as body lan!ua!e and psycholin!uistics./#E<. 1ne such tool. for in time they will become second nature" you will !radually become more familiar with what to look for. . %ertain ariables such as !ender. 1nce you confront someone who has lied to you. 1thers may be !larin!ly ob* ious. to !et to the truth.herefore. SECTION 1 . for instance. all clues should be iewed within the context of the situation at hand8 they are not absolutes.

4a e you e er noticed that when you're passionate about what you're sayin!. 4e may keep them on his lap if he's sittin!. (hen someone is lyin! or keepin! somethin! in. and feet can a l l !i e us information if we're watchin! carefully.he 'ody -e er #ies Lacking Animation . A person who is lyin! to you will do e erythin! to a oid makin! eye contact. the truth can be always silently obser ed. we tend to !i e our full focus and ha e fixed concentration. (e lock eyes with our accuser as if to say 65ou're not !ettin! away until we !et to the bottom of this. and le!s and their mo ements offer a fascinatin! insi!ht into our true feelin!s.he #an!ua!e of the Eyes -o or little direct eye contact is a classic si!n of deception. arms. Most people aren't aware that their body speaks a lan!ua!e all its own8 try as they will to decei e you with their words. emphasi$in! your point and con eyin! your enthusiasm3 And . when we tell the truth or we're offended by a false accusation. :nconsciously he feels you will be able to see throu!h him7 ia his eyes. Instead he will !lance down or his eyes may dart from side to side. %on ersely.he hands and arms are excellent indicators of deceit be* cause they are used to !esture with and are more easily is* ible than our feet and le!s. And feelin! !uilty.6 CLUE 2 . le!s. your hands and arms wa e all about. 5ou may already ha e read or heard about some of these clues. 'ut hands. CLUE 1 . hands. he doesn't want to face you. he tends to be less expressi e with his hands or arms.BODY LANGUAGE 1ur fin!ers. but they are only a small portion of the tactics that you will learn. 2in!ers may be folded into the hands8 full extension of the fin!ers is usually a !esture of openness. arms. or at his side if he's standin!8 he may stuff his hands in his pockets or clench them.

6 Keeping Something In (hen a person sits with his le!s and arms close to his body. we take up less physical space and fold our arms and le!s into our body. Displaying Artificial Mo ements Arm mo ements and !estures seem stiff and almost me* chanical.hey try to use !estures to con ince us that they're impassioned about their beliefs. as it were. 4er hand may co er her mouth while she is speakin!8 indicatin! that she really doesn't belie e what she is sayin! to be true8 it acts as a screen. her hands turn palm*up as if to say 69i e me more information8 I do not under*stand6 or 6I ha e nothin! to hide. if you ask someone a 0uestion and her hands clench or !o palm down. not natural. . perhaps crossed but not outstretched. an unconscious attempt to hide her words. this is often an indication of deceit. 4is arms and le!s may be crossed because he feels he must defend himself.he mo ements are contri ed. but there's no fluidity to their mo ements. (hen we feel comfortable and confident we tend to stretch out7 claim our space. your body lan!ua!e echoes these feelin!s and becomes inexpressi e3 Additionally. this is a si!n of defensi eness and withdrawal. he is e incin! the thou!ht I'm keeping something in.ha e you e er reali$ed that when you don't belie e in what you're sayin!. . . (hen she is listenin! she co ers or touches her face as an unconscious manifestation of the thou!ht = really don ! "ant to #e listening to this. CLUE 3 .he :nconscious %o er*up If her hand !oes strai!ht to her face while she is respondin! to a 0uestion or when she is makin! a statement. (hen we feel less secure. If she is !enuinely confused at the accusations or the line of 0uestionin!. into what is almost a foetal position. .ouchin! the nose is also considered to .his beha iour can be readily obser ed by watchin! unpolished actors and politicians.

4ands. . 4is hand. (hat arm and hand mo ements are present will seem stiff. 4owe er.his situation is similar to that of someone who is em* barrassed by a .his should not be confused with the posture associated with deep thou!ht. (hat you see is a 6lips only6 smile.oke but wants to pretend that she thinks it's funny.s< may !o up to his face or throat. and le!s pull in toward the body8 the indi idual takes up less space. 4e is also unlikely to touch his chest with an open hand !esture. if this !esture is fleetin!7if you catch only a !limpse of it7it's a si!n of somethin! else. . 'ecause what she feels isn't a true emotion. . when in fact she re*ally isn't. arms. SUMMARY > > . not a bi! !rin encompassin! her entire face. and mechanical. If he is tryin! to appear casual and relaxed about his answer.he /artial Shru! . she doesn't really shru!.he shru!!in! of one's shoulders is a !esture that usually in* dicates i!norance or indifference" 6I don't know6 or 6I don't care. CLUE .be a si!n of deception. with few arm and hand mo ements. as well as scratchin! behind or on the side of the ear or rubbin! the eyes. he may shru! a little. 'ut contact with his body is limited to these areas. /hysical expression will be limited. which usually con eys concentration and attention. > > SECTION 2 EMOTIONAL STATES& CONSISTENCY AND .his person is tryin! to demonstrate that she is casual and relaxed about her answer.6 If a person makes this !esture he or she usually means to communicate that ery messa!e.he person will make little or no eye contact.

hen there are times when we make a conscious effort to emphasi$e our point.he !esture looks like an after* thou!ht because that's what it is. Additionally. . (hen you know what to look for. In this section we're !oin! to look at the relationship between words and the correspondin! !estures. 4owe er. . words. if he shakes his head a f t e r the point is made. Also look for hand and arm mo ements that punctuate a point a f t e r it's been made. Inconsistencies between !estures.CONTRADICTION Indi idual !estures need to be looked at by themsel es a n d in relation to what is bein! said. more subtle but e0ually re ealin! si!ns of deception exist.I+E<.his is an initial expression of true feelin!s that may last for less than a second. this is a !ood indication that he is tellin! the truth. in that you're presented with a dual messa!e. 4e wants to !et his words out fast but reali$es that maybe he should l o o k really mad and play the part. this is readily apparent. 'esides ob ious inconsistencies such as shakin! your head from side to side while sayin! yes. and e m o t i o n s are also !reat indicators.hese take place at both the conscious and the unconscious le el.imin! Is E erythin! If the person's head be!ins to shake in a confirmin! direction before or as the words come out. . (atch for what is known as the initial reaction expression . E en if you can't read the fleetin! expression. but because the !esture is forced it lacks spontaneity and the timin! is off. he may be tryin! to demonstrate con iction.ust until the person you are obser in! has a chance to mask them. the fact that it has chan!ed is reason enou!h to suspect that the emotion you are currently seein! is false. 1ne example is a person who !rins while she expresses sorrow to a friend whose spouse has left her. . hand and arm mo ements will not only start late but will seem mechanical and won't coincide with erbal punctuation. . . but because it's a contri ed mo ement*one not based on emotion7the timin! is off. CLUE 5 .

'ut there's more to it than that. someone who belie es in his words will be inclined to mo e his head on important syllables to dri e home a point. pause . the head mo e* ment is supposed to punctuate particular points and ideas. . . and then the an!ry expression<. Also. it looks false.6I am so an!ry with you ri!ht now6 . . you would want to play the part and look an!ry.If you wanted to con ince someone that you were an!ry when you really weren't. If the facial expression comes a f t e r the erbal statement . . Showin! the expression # e f o re the 6I'm so an!ry6 line wouldn't indicate decepti eness. (hether up and down or side to side. . . It would only su!!est that you are thinkin! about what you are sayin! or are ha in! some difficulty in decidin! how to express your an!er.he timin! of that an!ry facial expression matters.

So the emotion is delayed comin! on. . .A mechanical noddin! without re!ard to emphasis indicates a conscious mo ement. A !ood example is the man who tries to tell his !irlfriend he lo es her while shakin! his fist in the air.he woman who frowns as she says she lo es you is sendin! a contradictory messa!e. Make sure that the !esture fits the speech. CLUE 6 %ontradiction and %onsistency -ot only is the timin! important. but we need to pay attention to the t y p e of !esture.he emotion of surprise is a !reat example. and fades out abruptly.he fade*out7how the emotion ends7is abrupt. hands ti!htly clenched and a statement of pleasure are not in synch with each other.hese conscious mo ements are in* tended to show emphasis. Surprise comes and !oes 0uickly. . . there is a sli!ht delay in the onset of false emotion.he timin! of emotions is somethin! that's difficult to fake. A response that's not !enuine is not spontaneous8 therefore. (atch closely and you probably won't be fooled. 'ut when we are fei!nin! surprise. .he duration of the emotion is also off" . so if it is prolon!ed it is most likely false. CL UE # . An ob ious incon!ruence between !estures and speech indicates that the speaker is lyin!.he response !oes on lon!er than it would in the case of !enuine emotion. but when a person is lyin! such mo ements are not part of the natural rhythm of the messa!e.he Emotion %ommotion . most of us keep a look of . stays lon!er than it should. Similarly.

awe plastered on our faces8 this look won't really fool an aware obser er. .

he will !o on the offensi e. In fact.he head mo es in a mechanical fashion.ects to what Mary is sayin!. A smile that's !enuine li!hts up the whole face. Expression will be limited to the mouth area when the person is fei!nin! certain emotions7 happiness. (hile we're on this sub. or fear. awe. If he is innocent and ob. only a !uilty person !ets defensi e. surprise.CLUE 2' . a person who doesn't want her true feelin!s to be re ealed may 6put on a happy face. Someone who is innocent will usually !o on the offensi e. sadness.he Expression ?one" 'eware the Smile . be aware that the smile is the most common mask for emotion because it best conceals the appearance in the lower face of an!er. SECT ION 3 INTERPERSONAL INTERACTIONS 5ou want to be aware of a person's posture in and of itself a n d in relation to his surroundin!s. and so on. . .hat )oesn't Seem 4appy )eception expressions are often confined to the mouth area. dis!ust. If Mary and John are ar!uin! and Mary accuses John of somethin!. In other words.6 'ut re* member. if the smile does not reflect a true emotion7hap* piness. 9estures don't match the erbal messa!e.ect. It's widely belie ed that when we are wron!fully accused we become defensi e. John doesn't automatically assume a defensi e posture. A smile that does not in ol e the whole face is a si!n of deception. for example7it will not encompass her entire face.he timin! is off between !estures and words.he timin! and duration of emotional !estures will seem off. SUMMARY > > > > > . . !enerally speakin!. 4ow the person carries himself and beha es in relation to what he says is an excel* lent indication of his comfort le el. (hen a smile is forced. the person's mouth is closed and ti!ht and there's no mo ement in the eyes or forehead.

his action is ery different from7and should not be confused with7a sli!ht tilt of the head to the side..he followin! clues look at the distinctions between these two states of mind. Either may happen. (atch for an immediate and pro* nounced . If she is comfortable with her position and secure in her actions. It's considered to be a ulnerable pose and would not be adopted by a person with somethin! to hide. . her head may shift away from the one she is talkin! to.his occurs when we hear somethin! of interest. CLUE ( .erkin! of the head or a slow deliberate withdrawal. . . .he 4ead Shift If someone is utterin! or listenin! to a messa!e that makes her uncomfortable.his is an attempt to distance herself from the source of the discomfort. she will mo e her head toward the other person in an attempt to !et closer to the source of information.

. Such a style of mo in! con eys confidence. A con ersation that produces feelin!s of confidence or those of insecurity will produce the concomitant physical posture. . She turns sideways or completely away and rarely stands s0uared off. with their hands in their pockets.hose who are insecure or unsure of themsel es often stand hunched o er. with your head up and your arms mo in!. . Just as we mo e away from someone who threatens us phys* ically. . he stands erect or sits up strai!ht.his beha iour also indicates how people feel about themsel es in !eneral. Studies ha e shown that the best way to a oid bein! mu!!ed is to walk briskly.his is not the case when there's deceit.hose who are secure and confident stand tall.he liar is reluctant to mo e toward or e en face the source of the threat. . . the person who feels at a psycholo!ical disad anta!e will shift or mo e away from her accuser.he /osture of a #iar (hen a person feels confident about a situation and con* ersation. . . we mo e toward him. CL UE 11 If She's 4eaded for the )oor .he face*to*face demeanour is reser ed for the person who seeks to refute a slanderous statement. (hen we feel passionate about our ideas. in an attempt to persuade the other person. with shoulders back.CL UE 22 . .

6 indicatin! deception or a co ert intention. 2in!er pointin! indicates con iction and authority as well as emphasis of a point. Someone who's not standin! on solid !round probably won't be able to muster this non erbal cue of disdain.ouch indicates psy* cholo!ical connection8 it's used when we belie e stron!ly in what we're sayin!. so. she may an!le her body or actually mo e toward the exit.ects7a pillow. Just as you would shield yourself from physical harm. 4e's /robably 'luffin' . . does he protect himself from a erbal assault.Also look for a mo ement in the direction of the exit.he 2in!er .hose who are confident and comfortable don't mind takin! centre sta!e. Since he can't !et up and lea e. (hile standin! she may position her back to the wall. and 1bstacles See if he uses inanimate ob. CL UE 1 +oadblocks. too. anythin!7to form a barrier between you and him. . his displeasure manifests .his is an excellent and 0uite reliable indicator. CL UE 13 . she wants to make sure that she can see what's comin! next.he person who is bein! deceitful will ha e little or no phys* ical contact with the one he is talkin! to. 2eelin! erbally ambushed. CL UE 12 If 4e's -ot . 4er psycholo!ical exposure causes her to seek physical refu!e.ouchin'. a drinkin! !lass. 2eelin! uncomfortable. 4e's unconsciously reducin! the le el of intimacy to help alle iate his !uilt. either at others or strai!ht up in the air. . 4ow comfortable someone is with a particular topic can be readily seen in how open he is to discussin! it. the liar will rarely touch the other person. /lacin! a physical barrier between you and him is the erbal e0ui alent of 6I don't want to talk about it. 'arriers. (hile makin! a false statement. or durin! a con ersation containin! one.hat -e er /oints Someone who is lyin! or hidin! somethin! rarely points a fin!er.

#1 : I S S.6 7+1 ' E + . .hink of the many ways you can communicate the word y e s $ from the erbal to the non erbal. SUMMARY > > > .he cruellest lies are often told in silence. formin! a clear barrier between himself and his employee. product flaws. . . phrases.here will be little or no physical contact durin! his attempt to con ince you. . C L U E 1 5 .he words we choose to express oursel es pro ide a window to our true feelin!s. E @ E . possibly in the direction of the exit. and syntax that we t h i n k will con ey truth in our messa!e. (hene er Jim was in the boss's office and brou!ht up employee problems. 4e is reluctant to face his accuser and may turn his head or shift his body away.he words we choose to con ey a messa!e are much more reflecti e of our true feelin!s than you mi!ht suspect. a collea!ue of mine. we choose certain words. > > S E C T I O N W H A T IS S A I D : A C T U A L V E R B A L C O NTENT 6. . 4e may place physical ob.S 1 - .hen he would casually and 0uite unconsciously line up all of the desk accessories.here's mo ement away from his accuser. or any*thin! that made the president uncomfortable. his boss would place his coffee mu! on the desk in front of him. told me an interestin! story about his former boss.ects between himself and his accuser. between them both. 4e will not point his fin!er at the person he is tryin! to con ince. (hen we wish to decei e.itself in the formation of physical barriers between him and the source of the discomfort.here are subtle differences between what the truth sounds like and what a lie dressed up to sound truthful sounds like. Jim. . who was president of a lar!e manufacturin! company. 4ow we choose to express oursel es indicates how stron!ly we belie e what we say.he person who is lyin! will probably slouch8 he is unlikely to stand tall with his arms out or outstretched.

to compensate.ect and no further 0uestions will be asked. I ne er cheated on you.he More 4e .:sin! 5our (ords to Make 4is /oint 4a e you e er noticed how you respond to social !estures of courtesy when you're preoccupied3 In the mornin!. so he reflects back the statement of his accuser out of fear. an a!!rie ed spouse asks. his response is likely to be more definiti e" 6-o. (hen a suspect uses a con* traction76It " a s n ' t me6 instead of 6It " a s n o t me67sta* tistically speakin!. so they attempt to deflect salespeople from tryin!.he liar answers. I didn't cheat on you.6 1f course someone who ne er has cheated .1+S.ust not interested in makin! the effort to think. in an attempt to sound em* phatic. 6-o. C L U E 1 " . the !uilty wants to !et his answer out fast. abo e all else. (hen his e idence is fra!ile. when you walk into your office and someone says 69ood mornin!6 to you. asked if he e er cheated on a test in law school. there is a AB percent chance he's bein! truthful. I would ne er cheat on a test. thou!h. In this clue. Skilled inter iewers and interro!ators know the followin! rule concernin! contractions. 6)id you cheat on me36 . Sometimes the !uilty.hese people know that they can be sold anythin!. . the More 5ou Should (orry It's often been said that the best people to sell to are those who ha e si!ns posted sayin! -1 SA#ESMA.6 6)id you e er cheat on me36 draws the response 6-o. he replies usin! the other person's words.6 5ou're . the person accused doesn't ha e t i m e to think. And to the !uilty e ery second that passes seems like an eternity.6 you answer 64ello. +emember. you respond with 69ood mornin!. but in the ne!ati e.1+ S1#I%I. 2or example. /eter mi!ht respond with 6I'm pretty sure I ne er did. the words he uses are bold and solid. A person speakin! the truth is not concerned about whether you misunderstand him8 he is always willin! to clarify. don't want to use a contraction in their statement of innocence8 they want to emphasi$e the n o t . Any delay makes him feel like he appears more !uilty.6 If he had and wanted to con ince someone to the contrary.6 If you're !reeted with 64ello.he liar wants to be sure that you understand his point immediately so that he can chan!e the sub. 2or example.ries. . 'ecause he is cau!ht off !uard.6 D i d you becomes d i d n ' t and e e r becomes n e e r. Makin! a positi e statement ne!ati e is the fastest way to !et the words out.

oke about these unconscious slip*ups. I think stealin! from one's . Sometimes people who adamantly assert an opinion or iew don't e en hold it themsel es.6 mi!ht slip and say. they would not feel a need to compensate. this is pretty much the best we can do6 or 6I'm afraid there's not a whole lot of room for ne!otiation here. 6(e worked really hard on the pro. the confident person will use phrases like 6I'm sorry. Ironically. . 6I meant to say '%ould you please pass the salt3' to my mother. so this statement needs to be considered in the context of the con ersation and in con* . 4e needs to tell you this so you won't ask.ob is the worst thin! you can do.here's a !reat . CLUE 1# . not a shield for himself.6 1r 6)id you e er cheat on me36 And you hear. Instead it came out as 'I had a terrible childhood and you' e ruined my life.ob36 he responds with. or intentions. #et's say you ask someone. 65ou know I'm a!ainst that sort of thin!. 6(e worked really hard on the pro.ect8 it took us all ni!ht to c o m p l e t e it. 6(ere you honest with me about our con ersation yesterday36 (atch out if you !et a reply like 61f course I was. I would ne er lie to you. If they were confident in their thinkin!. A man confessed to his friend that he had made a 2reudian slip durin! a recent dinner with his parents. 4e said.6 . you wicked woman. thou!hts. it means one thin!" 4e knows he can be swayed.ect8 it took us all ni!ht to c o p y it. 6)id you e er steal from your last .his person's words pro ide comfort for his opponent.hat Sort of .6 .6 1r when someone is asked. a subconscious leak when a person's misspoken words reflect and re eal his true feelin!s. because he knows he'll ca e in.unction with other clues. someone who means to say. 6-o.' ' CLUE 1$ I'm Abo e . If someone says ri!ht up front that he positi ely won't bud!e.mi!ht !i e the same answer. I think it morally .his is referred to as a 2reudian slip. 2or example. 5ou know how I feel about lyin!. be aware.hin! (hen a person is asked a 0uestion.he 9ood 1ld 2reudian Slip Sometimes we say one thin! when we mean to say another. if he responds with an answer that depersonali$es and !lobali$es the 0uestion.

a liar offers abstract assurances as e idence of his innocence in a specific instance. In his mind the e idence doesn't wei!h fa ourably for him. take notice if he con* tinues to add more information without bein! prodded. . and has dated se eral male models.6 5ou don't acknowled!e his answer. 4e speaks to fill the !ap left by the silence.his is a non*answer. %on ersely.homas and /resident -ixon's press secretary. some married couples can be comfortable in each other's presence for hours without a sin!le word bein! exchan!ed. .okin!ly. . C L U E 1 ( Silence Is 9old*/lated 4a e you e er experienced a first date where a lapse in con* ersation caused uneasiness or anxiety3 (hen you're uncomfortable. so he brin!s in his fictitious belief system to back him up.41MAS" 'ut that was not the 0uestion. 4as he asked for . So he !oes on" 6(e went to the mo ies.6 4e'll continue addin! new facts until you respond.his should not be confused with the person who says it all ri!ht away. 2or example. +onald ?ie!ler. durin! the (ater!ate scandal. that there is no chan!e in the status of the (hite 4ouse staff. . . .o sound more emphatic. Jack !ets ner ous because in his mind he hasn't sold you. +alph is speakin! on the telephone with a !irl he has ne er met before. 4e says . C L U E 2 ' An Implied Answer Is -o Answer 1ften when a person doesn't want to respond to a 0uestion he will imply an answer. . are you !or!eous36 She proceeds to tell him that she works out three times a week. thus lettin! him know that he's con inced you. She is attemptin! to circum ent the 0uestion alto!ether by i m p l y i n g that she is attracti e.he followin! exchan!e is from a press conference between reporter 4elen . takes an aerobics class e ery other day. silence adds to your discomfort.he !uilty tells his story in dribs and drabs until he !ets a erbal confirmation to stop. 4e responds with 6I was out with my friends.he !uilty are uncomfortable with silence. (hen someone is asked a 0uestion. 4elen.41MAS" 4as the /resident asked for any resi!nations so far and ha e any been submitted or on his desk3 ?lE9#E+" I ha e repeatedly stated.6 .reprehensible. A typical scenario would !o like this" 5ou ask Jack where he was 2riday ni!ht. 6So.

wo salespeople can read all the manuals on sellin! and learn all the sales pitches there are. there is no chan!e in the status of the (hite 4ouse staff. and one will still sell far more than the other. Emphasis on different parts of a sentence can co ey com* pletely different meanin!s.6 7(. .his is often an attempt to limit your challen!es to his position.E+ I know a hair stylist who would !o into the woman's purse for his tip after the haircut. (atch out for the !ood old 2reudian slip. SECTION 5 HOW SOMETHING IS SAID 6(hat is the use of lyin! when the truth. 4ow somethin! is said is often . It's how he did it that made all the difference. ser es the same purpose. (hile the two speak the same words.ust had to lau!h. -otice the different ways the phrase 6Michelle was cau!ht stealin! from her boss6 can be interpreted dependin! upon where the emphasis is placed. As I ha e said. 4e may stonewall. and I heard it the first time. 4e will keep addin! more information until he's sure that he has sold you on his story. ?ie!ler tried to i m p l y that he was !i in! an answer to the 0uestion. SUMMARY > > > > > > 4e will use your words to make his point.ect instead of answerin! directly.he 0uestion 64as the /resident asked for any resi!na* tions36 was not answered either directly or indirectly.here ha e been no resi!nations submitted. 4e may imply an answer but ne er state it directly. well distributed. .ust as important as what is said. but he ne er did answer it.any resi!nations3 ?lE9#E+" I understand the 0uestion. -o one e er !ot upset with him because he did it in such an innocent way that you .E. 21+S. . . . 4e depersonali$es his answer by offerin! his belief on the sub. !i in! the impression that his mind is made up. these words con ey completely different messa!es. #et me !o throu!h my answer.

4ow fast does the rest of the sentence follow the initial one*word response3 In truthful statements a fast no or yes is followed 0uickly by an explanation. c.he lon!er it takes her to answer no.his 0uestion concerns a belief and re0uires internal processin!. If f ro m is emphasi$ed. 'y emphasi$in! the name M i c h e l l e $ you're con eyin! the si!nificance of who stole. Emphasis on " a s draws attention to the fact that it has already happened. .udiced person tries to come up with the 6ri!ht6 answer.udiced takes lon!er to e aluate the 0uestion and formulate her answer. the fact that she stole from her own boss is unusual. A well known restaurant chain uses a timed test response in their hirin! process.he pre. but she is not. Emphasis on c a u g h t indicates that the fact that she !ot cau!ht is unusual. e. A person who is pre. So she exa!!erates her displeasure. . which takes more time than merely !i in! an honest answer. . CLUE 21 Speedy 9on$ales . It is most !ermane when you ask about intan!ibles7 attitudes or beliefs7instead of facts. Stress on s t e a l i n g lets us know that stealin! is out of char* acter for her. b.udice answers 0uickly. 5ou will see how the speaker's hidden thou!hts are always hin!ed to the expression of his words.here's a rule of thumb about the speed at which an indi idual answers. She . the lower her score. .hey will ask the inter iewee if she has any pre.his section explores the subtleties of communication.his person is attemptin! to accomplish a ariety of ob.Michelle = was = cau!ht = stealin! = from her = boss a b d e e f a. d. often endin! up !oin! a little o erboard. She wants to appear outra!ed by the accusation. her f.ecti es. Someone who holds no such pre. Emphasis on # o s s shows that it was unusual for her to steal from a boss7any boss. Another element to consider is pacin!. C L U E 2 2 %ompensation 'e suspicious of someone whose reaction is all out of pro* portion to the 0uestion or comment. .udices a!ainst other ethnic !roups or if she feels uncomfortable workin! with or ser in! certain people. . If the person is bein! deceitful the rest of the sentence may come more slowly because she !ets that no or yes out 0uickly but then needs time to think up an explanation.

A friend of mine who is an actin! coach tells me that unpolished actors often speak all the words in their lines with e0ual emphasis. 6It went !reat67bland and noncommittal. (ords of expression are not emphasi$ed.he pronouns =. he may refer to it as 6the car6 or 6that car6 and not 6my car6 or 6our car. the person could . (e !enerally use inflection for .6 instead of 6my child6 or 6our relationship. interestin!ly enou!h.6 a person who is lyin! may respond with a simple yes. . . " e % and us are underused or absent.his elon!ation occurs because the person is comfortable with his position and doesn't mind 6playin!6 with his answer. .6 Also beware of diatribes where she repeats points that she has already made. (hen a person is makin! a truthful statement. 65es.he liar doesn't want to own his words. Instead of sayin!. . takes place at the unconscious le el. -ow say 0uickly. . .he lady doth protest too much.his person is also reluctant to use words that con ey attachment and ownership.6 C L U E 2 3 Emphasis Makes the Meanin! . the initial one*or two* word a!reement or denial may be elon!ated for emphasis 76-ooo. . As Shakespeare said. he emphasi$es the pronoun as much as or more than the rest of the sentence.6 65eeesss. 2or example. there will probably be no hi!hs or lows. 1f course.ust in* betweens. while lyin! about his car ha in! been stolen. the ocal cords ti!hten under stress7but aried oice inflection may be missin!.ust be passionate about his cause. -ot only is the oice hi!her7like any other muscle. he re* inforces his o ert attitude by expressin! it a!!ressi ely. thou!h.tries to con ince you because the e idence doesn't.6 . 2or example.he simple practice of elon!atin! key words often makes for much more belie able performances. which are the exact opposite. 6. 6(e had a gre e e at timeC6 con eys ownership of his words. (hen a person is speakin! truthfully. a dead !i eaway that they are no ices.6 or 6the relationship. Sometimes a person may claim to be indi!nant about a cause or belief because he is tryin! to con ince himself alon! with his accuser. -ot wantin! to be* come consciously aware of what he really belie es. so this statement needs to be iewed within the context of the con ersation.his type of emphasis is usually absent in deception. I am.his reaction. he may use such phrases as 6that child. Additionally.he man who claims to be adamantly a!ainst prostitution may be co erin! up his true feelin!s.6 (hen lyin! about a relationship or actions toward a person.6 or 61f courrrse.

. . . howe er. 4ow is this useful3 Suppose you !et an answer that is worded like a statement but styled like a 0uestion. and eyes lift at the end of their statement. .he Mumbler . with poor sentence structure and misspoken words likely to occur. it's possible that his oice may become hi!her and his rate of speech accelerated. (hen Sarah professed her lo e for her fiance. simply repeatin! her words back to her. will open wider at the last part of a 0uestion.he eyes. C L U E 2 . she would tell him how much she cared for him. too.his indicates that the person is unsure of his statement and is lookin! for confirmation from you. and syntax and !rammar may be off.his didn't seem like a bi! deal until she started puttin! a few other thin!s to!ether. head. (atch out for reactions that are all out of proportion to the 0uestion.his person is inclined to mumble and speak more softly than if he were passionate about his statement. In other words. And he would reply in a barely audible oice. .emphasis when we are makin! a point.6 but his oice. SUMMARY > > > )eceitful responses to 0uestions re!ardin! beliefs and attitudes take lon!er to think up. A deceitful statement often is deli ered in a flat oice de oid of any real nuances. (hen a person asks a 0uestion76(hat are you doin!367his head comes up at the end7on the i n g in d o i n g. 6E5?. C L U E 2 5 Duestions and Statements Shouldn't Sound Alike Askin! a 0uestion and makin! a statement ha e two distinct speakin! styles. Instincti ely we know that when a person responds like Sarah's ex. somethin! is missin!. his sentences will likely .he person who is lyin! may lea e out pronouns and speak in a monotonous and inexpressi e oice. (ords may be !arbled.he words themsel es may not be clear8 they seem forced. 9rammar and syntax may be off as well. If you ask someone a 0uestion and he says with all certainty. 1ut of fear. then his con iction is not as stron! as he is leadin! you to belie e. And that somethin! is often the truth.

then his focus would be on what the women in the bar look like.ust a cesspool of lies and deceit. if someone out of the blue with no real e idence accuses you of lyin!.6 More specifically. someone who is deceitful may respond with somethin! like 65ou don't belie e me. If he considers himself to be unattracti e. S E C T I O N " PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE . 4ow often do we hear of a .be muddled. do you36 4ere's a !ood rule of thumb" most people who tell the truth expect to be belie ed. > Statements sound an awful lot like 0uestions. 6(hy is he so paranoid36 In psycholo!ical terms this is what is referred to as pro. As the sayin! !oes. then beware. then he would be more concerned with how he appears to them.he Sin!le 9uy Is the focus of the indi idual whose eracity you're tryin! to assess internal or external3 #et's say a sin!le man walks into a bar hopin! to meet a woman. if he is always askin! you if you belie e him. C L U E 2 " 4e's 9ot %heatin! on 4is Mind 4ow people see the world is often a reflection of how they see themsel es. C L U E 2 # . ask yourself.ealous boy*friend who constantly accuses his !irlfriend of cheatin! on him only to ha e her find out later that he's !uilty of e ery*thin! he's been accusin! her of doin!3 Also. Just as the clinically paranoid person feels that e eryone can see ri!ht throu!h him. . 6It takes one to know one. his focus shifts dependin! . indicatin! that he's seekin! reassurance. this person 0uestions the inte!rity of his facade. then they themsel es may be full of lies and deceit.hat's why the con artist is the first one to accuse another of cheatin!. In other words. If they think that the world is . this should send off bells in your mind. (atch out for those people who are always tellin! you .hese clues concern how a liar thinks and what elements are usually missin! from a story that's fictitious.ust how corrupt the rest of the world is. If you're constantly bein! 0uestioned about your moti es or acti ities. If your response !i es no real indication of your thou!hts.ection. If he considers himself to be attracti e and a !ood catch.

his is a subtle clue. Subtle difference. She made pasta but I passed on it. She tells you she had to work late. As careful as he may be in relatin! the details of an e ent.upon his le el of confidence. So you press for more information and ask what she had for dinner. 'ut you're not con inced that's true. 4ere are two possible answers she mi!ht !i e" F. the liar often lea es out one crucial element7the point of iew or the opinion of someone else. he's more interested in your understandin! him and less interested in how he appears to you. I wasn't really hun!ry. Suppose you ask your !irlfriend where she was last ni!ht. My roommate was so shocked that I would actually skip a meal. C L U E 2 $ Another )imension in #yin! 4ere's a clear indication of a story that doesn't rin! true. you want to make sure the other person understands you. but we can see examples of this in e eryday life. but a bi! distinction. 1ur !ut instinct mi!ht tell us that this answer is more belie able and more likely to be true than the first one.his is because it adds an*other dimension or layer to his thinkin! that the liar is usually not cle er enou!h to come up with. 5ou try to act in a certain way so you will be percei ed as you want to be. .@. N o t includin! another's point of iew in an answer doesn't immediately dis0ualify it. 61h. I wasn't really hun!ry. (hile other people may be included in his story. C L U E 2 ( E erythin! (ent /erfectlyC . (hen you're deceitful or tryin! to co er up. so I .ust came home and watched . . (hen a person has confidence in his words. another person's t h o u g h t s are not. will often indicate that you're bein! told the truth. especially her famous pasta dish.he inclusion of another's point of iew. thou!h.ust came home and watched .@ with my roommate. (hen you're interested simply in makin! a point. so I . .6 G.6 'oth answers contain pretty much the same information. your focus is internal7on how you sound and appear as you're relatin! the 6facts.6 5ou're conscious of your e ery word and mo ement. 61h. but the second adds another layer of thou!ht7the room* ate's point of iew.

he liar is often unaware that comin! across as truthful means both answerin! and askin! 0uestions.he lu!!a!e ne er !ets lost on a made*up oya!e.his means only primary thou!hts7which are positi e. In much the same way that if I said 6)on't think of an elephant. yes. .1ne thin! is almost always missin! from a story that's not true 7what went wron!.6 you couldn't do it. maybe the fli!ht was delayed. . +andy asks his new !irlfriend if she's e er been tested for AI)S. In that case this clue would not be helpful. C L U E 3 ' Is . as her answer implied.here Anythin! &ou (ould #ike to &now3 A !ood liar may be practiced at answerin! 0uestions so that she sounds truthful. .hen ask someone to make up a story about a acation that she ne er went on. She responds with 61h. !i in! blood. And then nothin!C If she was concerned about her health.he reason for this is that the con ersation is not real for the liar. durin! their first intimate encounter. Ask a friend to tell you about her last acation. and her thou!hts are essentially one* dimensional. E ents that are made up rarely include any ne!ati e details. After all. 2or example. -e!ation is not a primary emotion. she's not interested in learnin! anythin!. 1ne ca eat to this clue" if the story is used as an expla* nation as to why he was delayed or had to cancel plans. certainly. 5ou'll notice that the elements are usually all positi e. She only wants to con ince you that she is bein! truthful. both positi e and ne!ati e7 maybe the food was !ood.6 and continues on a bit about annual checkups. you need to first think of an elephant. . She'll co er all of the bases. . In order to process the information. then ob iously you can expect ne!ati es. then she would ha e asked him the same 0uestion. . 'ut e en the best will !i e themsel es away by not askin! the ri!ht 0uestions. A person who is lyin! is concerned with !ettin! her story strai!ht. etc.

he point of iew of a third party is likely to be absent from a liar's story. check your accuser's eracity. (hen a person is confident about what he's sayin!. > > > . In relatin! a story. .SUMMARY > > (e often see the world as a reflection of oursel es. he's more interested in your understandin! him and less interested in how he appears to you. #ook at whether his focus is internal or external. a liar often lea es out the ne!ati e aspects. If you're bein! accused of somethin!. A liar willin!ly answers your 0uestions but asks none of his own.

ect is chan!ed. he will resent the accusations and will insist that the topic be explored further.ect matter. C L U E 3 3 . the !uilty wants the sub. J. .hat's 1 er (atch and listen carefully durin! a con ersation when the sub.est him to see if he's 0uick to chan!e the sub.he !i eaway here is how fast and dramatically his mood chan!es.ect. If he has been accused of somethin! abominable and is innocent. indicatin! his discomfort with the pre ious sub. +emember. CL UE 32 4ow )are 5ou Accuse Me3 If he is accused of somethin! harsh and is not indi!nant and offended that his honour has been 0uestioned.SECTI O N # GENERAL INDICATIONS OF DECEIT . Simpson in esti!ation.he followin! is a mixed ba! of clues that indicate deception.unction with other clues. )oes he become happier3 )oes he seem more relaxed3 4e may e en offer a smile or ner ous lau!h. . It's been said that durin! the preliminary sta!es of the B.he liar is more concerned with how he is !oin! to respond than he is with the accusation itself. (hile he is bein! accused the liar will remain fairly expressionless. A look as if to say 6(hat3C6 will not be present. . like a student bein! admonished by his principal. either now or at some future date. this is a hi!hly reliable si!n that he's been cau!ht off !uard. CL UE 31 (hew.hey can be used with !reat reliability by themsel es or in con. detecti es thou!ht it curious that Simpson did not appear to be outra!ed by the accusation that he had murdered his ex*wife and her friend +on 9oldman. -otice his posture. I'm Sure 9lad .ect chan!ed8 the innocent always wants a further exchan!e of information. )oes it become more relaxed and less defensi e3 .

Some people habitually use these phrases. left at fi e*thirty. responds with. it's unlikely that he would start off by sayin! . when asked where she was on a particular day two months a!o. If these phrases are not part of a person's usual erbal repertoire.6 6. 1r can I3 . C L U E 3 I' e 9ot My Answer )own /at If his answer sounds pat and well rehearsed. (hen a person tells you that he is the most honest person that you will e er meet.he phrase 6I ne er lie6 should always be recei ed with caution. 1ne's honour should speak for itself.his 4a e you e er met someone who insisted on startin! statements with phrases such as 6. e en lie strai!ht to your face. you can be pretty sure you're not !ettin! it. watch outC If someone's !oin! to tell you the truth. If he feels the need to tell you that he's bein! honest and that you're about to recei e the whole truth.-e er 'elie e Anyone (ho Says .6 or 6. had dinner at . If he's bein! accused of somethin!. 4a in! facts and details at your fin!ertips that should not be easily recalled is a !ood indication that you ha e prepared.o be perfectly honest.ust about anythin! to sound belie able. e erythin! that will come after will be a lie. suppose Samantha. 6I went to work.o tell you the truth63 Someone who is tellin! the truth doesn't need to con ince you before he !ets his words out. there's a fair chance that he was expectin! the 0uestion and took the time to !et his story strai!ht. Also included in this clue is the e er*per asi e and always annoyin! phrase 6(hy would I lie to you36 If you recei e this response to an accusation you' e made. Anyone who needs to declare his irtuous nature does so because there is no other way for you to find out. I cannot tell a lie.o be frank. don't walk away7run. Such expressions mean literally that e erythin! that came before them is a lie. but for now he's decided to pause to tell you the truth. Some people will say . he probably has an excellent reason to lie. be suspicious. 2or instance.ust that.

you ask someone hold old he is and he responds with 64ow old do you think I am36 It's ob ious that your answer may influence his. (hether it had a direct impact or not is hard to say. to re iew the best course of action. . C L U E 3 5 %an 5ou +epeat the Duestion. In . he may resort to one of the followin! statements to buy himself some time.he courtroom was mesmeri$ed. to prepare his answer.his was done to e oke the &ennedy aura and charm for the benefit of (illiam &ennedy Smith. or to shift the topic entirely. but Smith was found not !uilty.6 #aw enforcement officers are aware of and use this clue with !reat results. H. G. and the trials and tribulations of his life. /oliticians are famous for answerin! 0uestions that were ne er asked. J. . the death of his brothers. . F.ust take off in their own direction. 4ere are some of the more popular ones. somethin! is ery wron!. and then went strai!ht home. Most of us can't remember what we had for breakfast yesterday mornin!C +ehearsed answers also pro ide a person with a way of !i in! you information that you ne er asked for. Smith's uncle . 2or example.6 6(hat's your point exactly36 6(hy would you ask somethin! like that36 6(here did you hear that36 . I. If the suspect is able to recall what he did and where he was on a !i en date two years earlier.%aracella's until se en forty*fi e. Suppose a police detecti e 0uestions a suspect.hey ha e an a!enda that will come out re!ardless of the 0uestions put to them. )urin! the (illiam &ennedy Smith rape trial.ust minutes the courtroom was treated to &ennedy's takin! us throu!h the history of his family. information that they want known. /lease3 Instead of hemmin! and hawin!. .ed &ennedy was called as a defence witness to testify about to his knowled!e of the day. Sometimes they don't e en bother to rework the 0uestion8 they .hey are all desi!ned to delay his answer. 6%ould you repeat the 0uestion36 6It depends on how you look at it.

C L U E 3 # . )etecti e Mark 2uhrman said on the witness stand and under oath that he had ne er in the past ten years used a specific racial epithet. And indeed. 64ow dare you ask me somethin! like that36 M. )urin! the FMAB presidential campai!n.ury7belie ed that this was true. the e idence later pro ed him to be a liar.ricky )icky . forcin! him to assert his 2ifth Amendment pri ile!e to a oid self* incrimination.here is also such a thin! as a lie throu!h implication instead of expression. 6.he person repeats your 0uestion back to you. in esti!ate further7 no matter how con incin! the person is. So can I. Simpson trial. . an attempt at soundin! incredulous.6 FH. 2or example. then it probably is. 4e would ha e been deemed as much more credible had he admitted to usin! racial epithets on occasion and with re!ret. 6%an you keep a secret3 9reat. 6)id I sell you a puppy with a heart condition3 Is that what you're askin! me36 C L U E 3 " Slei!ht of Mouth 5ou' e heard the old sayin! 6If it sounds too !ood to be true.6 FI.6 )urin! the B.6 FB. 6(here is this comin! from36 K.hat's an excellent 0uestion. &ennedy was . it's not so simple as yes or no. 6I think we both know the answer to that. 6%ould you be more specific36 L. If somethin! sounds implausible. Almost no one7 includin! the . 'ut sayin! he ne er used them in any context seemed hi!hly implausible. 6I'm not sure this is the best place to discuss this. 6(ell. +ichard -ixon sou!ht to remind Americans that his opponent John 2.A.6 FG. J.6 FF. It deser es some thou!ht.

6 (hat's the first thin! you ask3 6(hat does his wife do36 Suddenly you're in the exact con ersation that is 6supposed6 to ha e no bearin! on the facts. Jim was informed by the woman he went out with that she's ery busy for the next few weeks but that she doesn't want him to think she's blowin! him off. 4ad the a!ent simply said that Sam was there to !et treatment.%atholic. #et's look at another example. . (hene er someone makes a point of tellin! you what they're n o t doin!. but it has nothin! to do with his wife's new .6 . . -ixon said the followin!" 6I don't want anyone not to ote for John &ennedy because he is a %atholic. (e had ne er had a %atholic president before.he preamble is what they really mean. Another cle er way of lyin! throu!h implyin! comes in the form of a denial. (hen you hear. then it wouldn't ha e occurred to her to say that. 5ou hear. It works like this. and -ixon thou!ht the fact that &ennedy was %atholic mi!ht make the American people uneasy. 'latantly remindin! the public of his opponent's reli!ion would make him look bad. the castin! director would ha e been suspicious of his intentions in mentionin! it. 6-ot to hurt your feelin!s. Sam Smith. -ow the castin! director wonders if Sam has an alcohol or dru! problem. but he !ot his point across nicely. . #et's say that an a!ent is attemptin! to con ince a castin! director to cast his client. 64e's ha in! marital problems.he a!ent casually mentions to the castin! director that Sam was at the 'etty 2ord %linic last month. . his effort was futile. 'y statin! it in the form of a denial. in keepin! with his reputation and accordin! to the wisdom of politics. isn't it3 )on't be misled. Althou!h as history later pro ed. but heard it was only to see a friend. you can be sure it's exactly what they a r e doin!. After a blind date. %le er. If that was not her intention. not /rotestant.6 you can be sure that this person doesn't mind hurtin! your feelin!s. he implants the su!!estion without suspicion. instead of another actor.he intent was ob iously different from the messa!e.ob. So. . but. John Jones.

2or instance. there's a better than e en chance that you shouldn't belie e him.C L U E 3 $ )on't 'e +idiculous 'eware of the person who uses humour and sarcasm to defuse your concerns. . then you'll ne er ha e to remember anythin!. the one that you want happens to be out of stock.6 . 5ou can !et in only if you know the special knock. A typical exchan!e durin! a . It's there where we discuss the e entual downfall of your business empire. .here's an old sayin! that !oes. you should expect a direct response. (hen you ask a serious 0uestion. So before you accept someone at his word that he has somethin! better to offer. in an attempt to appear fluid. C L U E 3 ( (e're 1ut of Stock 4a e you e er had the salesman tell you that the item you were lookin! for is inferior to another one3 And as it turns out. And she knows it. C L U E ' . you ask one of your salespeople if she met with the competition and she replies. first see whether he has what you ori!inally asked for. 6Sure did.his happens because he is thinkin! fast and is tryin! to remember what he's sayin!.his makes you feel foolish about in0uirin! further. he would ha e been much more belie able if he had said he did ha e what you wanted but preferred to show you somethin! e en better.6 (hen a liar speaks. %learly. he will often fall into the number $one.ob inter iew mi!ht !o as follows" . (e meet e ery day in a secret warehouse.his is when all of the numbers he mentions are the same or multiples of one another. 6If you always tell the truth.he -umber ?one . If he doesn't.

take note if he is tryin! to control his breathin! to calm himself. Additionally. MA+&" (ell. . CL UE 1 -er ous -ellie (hile we can control some !estures. . I would put in sixty*hour weeks. and information ha e unusual similarities. .4" S1. SMI.his will appear as deep. I' e had about six years experience in total. with extreme fear. 4is oice may crack and seem inconsistent. how many years' experience do you ha e in restaurant mana!ement3 MA+&" At the three places I' e worked.ele ision or mo ie actors who wish to express fear or sadness often use this beha iour7 hence the expression 6all choked up.ell me a little bit about your experience at these places. like all muscles. And I was in char!e of a crew of about twel e . SMI. . A choir #oy$ he's not) @ocal chords. can turn white. If he is hidin! his hands. fi!ures. . the followin! are in oluntary responses that we ha e little or no control o er" 'he fight(or(flight syndrome: A person's face may become flushed or. Mark. so look for a hard swallow. it mi!ht be an attempt to hide uncontrollable shakin!. 'rem#ling or shaking in oice and #ody: 4is hands may tremble. audible inhalin! and exhalin!.6 Also indicati e is a clearin! of the throat. Ms. (atch out when facts.Ms. #ook for si!ns of rapid breathin! and increased perspiration. )ue to anxiety. mucus forms in the throat.4" . A public speaker who is ner ous often clears his throat before speakin!. 'his is hard to s"allo": Swallowin! becomes difficult.

A certain ba!el company o ercame an ob ious marketin! problem by usin! this same practice. .6 answered the man. I'm sorry$ you said "hat* (hen we're under stress.his will produce a hi!her sound.he ancient sport of Judo has a fundamental philosophy" do not confront force with force8 instead use your opponent's stren!th and turn it a!ainst him.he . . our ability to focus on somethin! is often diminished. Most people ha e little tells( 7!estures used when they are ner ous.he pur eyors of this clue ne er !et defensi e or ar!ue. C L U E 2 1h So %le er . 6I'm not surprised.6 )o you see how 0uickly the man erbally disarmed the !uard3 4ad he started to ar!ue and insist that he had clearance and that the !uard was a fool for not knowin!. and explains that the reason why the !uard thou!ht he didn't ha e authori$ation is the ery reason why he d o e s ha e authori$ation. he would ha e met with a wall of resistance. they simply use your own words to support their claim. and is an unconscious attempt to build up coura!e or confidence.6 he says to a man attemptin! access. . #et's say that a !uard is standin! watch o er a restricted area. octa e. 6I'm not sure you ha e. 6only a few people are aware of my clearance le el. and=or pitch. 4a e you e er met someone at a party and for!otten his name ri!ht after you're introduced3 #ook for si!ns of distraction and an inability to pay attention to what's !oin! on. My work here is not supposed to be known by e eryone. +ather.hey may rub an ear for reassurance or plaster on a fake smile to boost their confidence. authori$ation.ti!hten when a person is stressed. . 'he "histler: (histlin! seems to be a uni ersal action to relax oneself when one is fri!htened or anxious.ob to check I) s of those who enter. he a!rees with the !uard. It's his .

An example will clarify. (ho knows what else he's done3 E en if that was it.company sells fro$en ba!els. A wife who is concerned that her husband suspects her of ha in! a brief affair . a characteristic that to most of us is the opposite of fro$en. Sally's husband3 (ell. C L U E 3 . .ect an ima!e of freshness.he pur eyor of deceit demonstrates characteristics with a specific moral bent so that other of his actions will be seen in that li!ht. . the financial officer of a lar!e corporation.he slo!an 6. .heir solution3 . you'll probably reali$e that it has already been used on you many times. for continuity and consistency. thinks that you may be on to his embe$$lement scheme. (e all ha e an inherent need for order.6 (atch out when someone tries to use an ob ious fact to support a 0uestionable assertion.his is !oin! to put serious doubts in the mind of this woman's husband that she would e er be unfaithful to him. Jill told me that they're ha in! problems because 4ar ey kissed a co*worker at the %hristmas party. #et's say that Joe. . what is !oin! throu!h his mind3 (hat an idiotC6 .which she did indeed ha e< mi!ht say somethin! like this" 64oney.ects to somethin! as minor as stealin! office supplies. If you ask me.he !enesis of this clue comes courtesy of human nature. she should lea e that no*!ood piece of !arba!e. 4e knows that you ha e no real proof. but he wants to throw you off the track. yet it wanted to pro. 5our impression is that Joe is a moral person who ob. %ertainly he cannot be responsible for a lar!e*scale embe$$lement scheme.he Moral Assumption . (hat mi!ht he do3 In your presence.hey taste best because they're fro$en. he may openly chastise another employee for 6borrowin!6 some office supplies for her personal use at home.his clue is so cle er and per asi e that once you hear about it. do you remember 4ar ey.

#et's say you're buyin! a car and the salesman says that you must act 0uickly because two other people ha e looked at this car and it's the last one in stock.6 If she doesn't usually tra el for work on the weekends. it means that he would say almost anythin! to make the sale7which also means that he probably doesn't ha e anyone else interested in the car. (hen your attention is bein! directed one way. if your salesperson is 0uick to a!ree with you. try to find out if this person has a reputation for bein! deceitful.hese are statements an honest salesperson will 0uestion if he or she hasn't heard any such thin!. 4onesty is a function of character. 4er downplayin! the trip makes it suspicious. who are experts at sli!ht*of*hand. And for this there is usually a reason. 4owe er. Say somethin! like 6I hear that this model retains its alue better than most others. isn't that true36 1r 6I heard that they're !oin! to raise the prices on next year's model substantially. by the (ay 'eware if she casually tells you somethin! that should deser e more attention.6 . then you would expect her to make a point of how unusual the trip is. know that their effecti eness lies in their ability to draw your attention where they want it to !o. e en thou!h he's claimed otherwise. it makes !ood sense to 0uestion e erythin! else that person has said. check to see what lies the other way. . 2or example. Ma!icians. Another tactic is runnin! off a lon! list of items in the hope that one will remain unnoticed. (hen somethin! out of the ordinary happens and the person doesn't draw attention to it. and character is not somethin! that is easily chan!ed.C L U E 1h. by the way. 61h. I' e !ot to !o out of town next weekend on business. If you can. she says. it means that she is tryin! to draw attention away from it. C L U E 5 #ots of #ies If you catch a person in one lie.

I'd come up somethin! a little more belie able3 5ou . we should make our story or explanation as belie able as possible. (hat he's sayin! sounds implausible. but not always. 4e does not become indi!nant when falsely accused. All of his facts relatin! to numbers are the same or multiples of one another.C L U E " (ild. (ild.6 6. 4e offers a preamble to his statement startin! with 6I don't want you to think that .o be perfectly honest. She uses humour or sarcasm to defuse your concerns. (hy3 'ecause we think to oursel es.6 (hen in fact that's exactly what he's done. 4e offers you a 6better6 alternati e to your re0uest when he is unable to !i e you what you ori!inally asked for. 4e stalls by askin! you to repeat the 0uestion or by answerin! your 0uestion with a 0uestion. he's in a better.6 1ften that's exactly what he wants you to think. If this person "anted to lie to me$ he'd pro#a#ly ha e come up "ith something a little less far( fetched. Sometimes the more outra!eous a story is.. more relaxed mood. SUMMARY > > > (hen the sub.his is usually true. (ild 65ou're not !oin! to belie e what happened to meC6 4ow many times ha e we heard that phrase3 %ommon sense dictates that if we want someone to belie e us. > > > > > > > .ust can't make this stuff up. 4e uses such phrases as 6.6 and 6(hy would I lie to you36 4e has an answer to your 0uestion down pat. .ect is chan!ed.. the more belie able it becomes. So in this cle er deception the liar embellishes his story and simply offers the phrase 6)on't you think that if I was !oin! to lie to you.o tell you the truth.

e erythin! he says is 0uestionable.here is e idence of in oluntary responses that are anxiety based. 4e exclaims his displeasure at the actions of another who has done somethin! similar so that you will not suspect him. you think that he would ha e come up with somethin! more plausible. 'ut you do.> > > > > . 4is story is so wild that you almost don't belie e it. If he lies about one thin!. She casually tells you somethin! that deser es more attention. because if he wanted to lie. . 4e uses an ob ious fact to support a dubious action.

twistin! its prey down a path . feedin! on i!norance.P A R T 2 BECOMING A HUMAN LIE DETECTOR 6)eceit. wea es carelessly around the truth.

#I E ' E + M A - .6 7 )A@ I ) J.to destined re!ret.

/erhaps the person hasn't yet confessed but you know he isn't bein! truthful.ect. . we think of what we should ha e said two days later. So choose ahead of time which are most appropriate for the situation.wo. 4owe er. but a full confession isn't forthcomin!. %ontext is e erythin!C /hase . (hen used in order. but if it doesn't. 'hree Attack(Se+uence . .b< what the truth is if it's not ob ious from the lie. all three phases offer you the !reatest opportunity to !et at the truth.hese carefully scripted se0uences put you in the best pos* sible position to !et at the truth. If you feel you' e been lied to.hou!h these bullets can be fired in any order you want. -le en Attack Se+uences . this phase takes you throu!h an additional process to !et to the truth.ullets 2ire these off if you're still not satisfied.rimers Sometimes this techni0ue in and of itself will re eal a per* son's !uilt. this part pro ides you with a se0uence of 0uestions that irtually !uarantees that you will know .he primers are used to test a person's ulnerability and to !au!e his or her le el of concern o er a particular sub. /hase .a< if you're bein! lied to and .his part contains a sophisticated and comprehensi e system of 0uestionin! that will !et the truth out of any person.he clues to deception can be used with !reat reliability in e eryday situations and con ersations. if you must know the truth in a !i en situation.hree. you ha en't lost any le era!e and can proceed to phase two. 5ou will see that the phrasin! of your re0uest7what precedes the re0uest and what follows it7is essential. .his phase consists of one direct se0uence and ten other possible se0uences. -le en Sil er .. :se whiche er one best fits the situation. . (e often !o into erbal combat unprepared to do battle. . OUTLINE /hase 1ne. 'ecause we're unable to think clearly and effecti ely communicate our thou!hts. some will rule out others.his procedure was de eloped as a result of my research in human beha iour. HOW TO PROCEED .

hen choose one of the ele en attack se0uences from phase two. 'ut if he !ets defensi e. you wouldn't . .he point is. 5ou need to see the process of detectin! deceit for what it really is7a erbal battle.ecti e here is to ask a 0uestion that does not accuse the person of anythin! but alludes to the person's possible beha iour. 2or example. If terms like arsenal$ "eapons$ and #ullets seem warlike. de eloped in FMGF by 4ermann +orschach. 2or the se0uence primers. If you ha en't !otten a full confession after you try an attack se0uence. .ecti e. PHASE 1 THREE ATTACK-SEQUENCE PRIMERS Most of us are familiar with the +orschach test. fire your sil er bullets one by one. . 64a e you been cheatin! on me3 6 will put him on the defensi e. are shown one at a time to the sub. the theory behind the test is that a person's interpretation of the shapes will re eal his or her unconscious or sublimated thou!hts. then he kno"s what you're !ettin! at. when you enter this battle. .hese abstract shapes. 5ou don't want the 0uestion to be accusatory or too broad.he test consists of ten bilaterally symmetrical inkblots. each on an indi idual card. And from now on. 'ut they're thorou!hly appropriate considerin! the situation. we use the same psycholo!ical principles but employ them in a whole new way" you find out what's on a person's mind by !i in! him a er#al abstract test. which ha e no particular meanin! or form.urious. it's understandable. you will be ery well armed. A person's true intentions will surface in his comments and=or !estures. PRIMER 1 )on't Accuse7Allude Askin! a person outri!ht. If he doesn't reali$e you're implyin! anythin!. . if you suspect someone of murder.he results will be truly astonishin!. A lie can be ery in.ect. /ut simply. then he's probably not !uilty.he ob.#ay the !roundwork by startin! with phase one.he only way he could know is if he is !uilty of the accusation. /ro* tectin! yourself is the ob. . . an innocent person shouldn't ha e a clue about what you're alludin! to.

erimeters . if he's !uilty he will want to know what you're thinkin! because he's not sure why you're askin! the 0uestion. whate er is on the person's mind will re eal itself in the con ersation that ensues. So he'll 0uestion you about your 0uestion. If you asked your nei!hbour whether space aliens had landed on her front lawn. then he'll answer casually and lea e it at that. you wouldn't expect her to respond seriously at all. 6&ill anyone last weekend36 And askin!. If he's innocent of what you suspect him of. S:S/I%I1-" 51: think that your employee was fired from his last . -/amples of . D:ES. 4owe er. D:ES. 6(hy do you ask3 )id someone say somethin! to you36 .okin!ly or . 5ou want the 0uestion to be framed in such a way that he will !et suspicious of your askin! only if he is !uilty. but like an accusation to the !uilty. 64ow was your day36 is clearly too broad. 5ou don't want him defensi e unless he has a reason to be.he key is to phrase a 0uestion that sounds perfectly innocent to an innocent person. She may answer .say. And you certainly wouldn't expect. be matter*of*fact. 4e should also not be . 4e won't react unusually if he isn't. (hen you ask the 0uestion. 'eware of all the clues to deceit. D:ES.ob because he stole from his pre ious employer.I1-" 6Anythin! interestin! happen last ni!ht36 S:S/I%I1-" 51: think a co*worker told your secretary that you ha e a crush on her. )on't s0uare off.his response is curious for a 0uestion that should be taken as absurd. particularly the one about a !uilty person continuin! to add more in*formation as he thinks of it and without your promptin!.ust lau!h it off entirely.I1-" 6)1 you still keep in contact with your old boss36 S:S/I%I1-" 51: feel that your boyfriend or !irlfriend was unfaithful the ni!ht before. -ow. but as if it were an out*of * the*ordinary 0uestion. 4e should not be seekin! information from you if he does not think that your 0uestion is leadin!.I1-" 64eard any !ood !ossip recently36 Any answers such as 6(hy do you ask36 or 6(here did you hear that36 indicate concern on the person's part.hrasing .

interested in why you're askin! the 0uestion unless he thinks that you may know what he doesn't want you to. . S:S/I%I1-" 51: suspect one of your salespeople has lied to a customer in order to make the sale. D:ES. if he's !uilty he'll seem ery uncomfortable. %asually broachin! the sub. . 4ow do you think we can clear this up36 If he's innocent of the char!es he's likely to offer his ad* ice and be pleased that you sou!ht out his opinion. Marcus. this opens the door to probe further.his works well be* cause you're able to brin! up the topic without bein! ac* cusatory.ect in this manner .his primer deals with specifics. . I'd like to !et your ad ice on some* thin!. If he's !uilty he'll seem uncomfortable and will assure you that he would n e e r do anythin! like that. P R I M E R 3 It's Ama$in!. while /rimer H takes the !eneral approach.I1-" 6)r. then he will be pleased that you sou!ht his ad ice and offer it. )o you ha e any su!!estions on how she can approach the doctor about this problem36 A!ain.his primer works by introducin! a scenario similar to what you suspect is !oin! on. Either way. She feels he may be drinkin! while on call. It's come to my attention that someone in the sales department has been misrepresentin! our products to customers.ect. I'm wonderin! if you could help me with somethin!.I1-" 6Jim. If he's not drinkin! on duty. Isn't It3 (ith this primer. you still brin! up the sub.here are two ways to do this7 specific and !eneral. but in a !eneral way. A collea!ue of mine at another hospital has a prob* lem with one of her doctors. D:ES. P R I M E R 2 Similar Scenario . S:S/I%I1-" A hospital administrator suspects that a doctor was drinkin! while on duty.

4owe er. put on your robe.ect or chan!e it completely.6 A!ain. Just use the primers to satisfy your own curiosity. D:ES. A chan!e in sub.he per*son may be!in to talk !enerically about the sub. Mumblin! incoherently.his is a stron! indication of his innocence. Sometimes there's no need to confront someone who we feel has lied. it's not necessary to finish the attack se* 0uence. which allow you to discreetly !ather information.pro ides !reat insi!ht into the person's innocence or !uilt. isn't it3 And these people doin! it think that it won't !et back to the person in ol ed. any answers that prompt a response such as 6(hy do you ask36 1r 6(here did you hear that36 show that your 0uestion concerns him. .I1-" 6It's ama$in! how someone can be unfaithful and expect not to !et cau!ht. or use the techni0ues in /art H. S:S/I%I1-" 5ou think a student has cheated on her exam. (e . on a Sunday mornin!. and sta!!er to the door.wo other responses are possible for primers G and H. :pon openin! it . because he's unafraid to discuss the sub. . In in* stances like these. D:ES.ect is hi!hly indicati e of !uilt.I1-" 6Isn't it ama$in! how someone can cheat on a test and not reali$e that I was standin! behind her the entire time36 S:S/I%I1-" 51: suspect a co*worker of bad*mouthin! you to your boss.6 S:S/I%I1-" 51: think that your !irlfriend may be two* timin! you. 5ou're restin! in bed when the doorbell rin!s. if he finds your 0uestion interestin! and he's innocent. you !et up.ect and hasn't probed why you ha e e en brou!ht it up. he mi!ht be!in a con ersation about it.ust want to know for oursel es. Note: . P H A S E 2 ELEVEN ATTACK SEQUENCES It's L"BB A.M. D:ES.I1-" 6It's ama$in! all the backstabbin! that !oes on around here.

not the re0uest itself. ener!etic youn! women wa in! a !lossy pamphlet in your face and askin! for thirty seconds of your time. F. -o matter how trained he is. that determines a person's willin!ness to cooperate or resist.ect. you ha e more opportunities to detect deceit. 5ou know they are not his words8 he's . (hen you ask your 0uestion. 5ou can see from this transaction that sometimes it's the context of a re0uest. to maximi$e the amount you learn.he only drawback to askin! a 0uestion outri!ht is that you then can't use any of the other se0uences unless you let a considerable amount of time pass.ect you're about to brin! up or of any feelin!s of mistrust you may ha e. 'y aryin! how you ask your 0uestion. once he !ets beyond the script. 9i e him some time and you'll be cryin! and lau!hin! alon! with him. so if he brin!s up the sub. )on't keep askin! the same 0uestion o er and o er a!ain. (hen you talk with the person you want to !et information from. and ask yourself. 4is deceit will be harder to detect if" > 4e has responded to the same statement before. A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E 1 )irect Duestionin! Sometimes the direct approach is best. 9i e no ad ance warnin! of the sub. S t a g e %. 6(hy did I !i e that woman ten dollars to sa e the red*spotted fro! from extinction3 I don't e en like fro!s. he's .ust followin! a script. make sure that you ask your 0uestion a f t e r any statements that he may make. A s k y o u r + u e s t i o n d i re c t l y. > 4e knows that he will be asked the 0uestion.6 1b iously there was somethin! in ol ed that made you exchan!e somethin! you like*7your money7for somethin! you don't particularly care about7 fro!s. phrase it in a new way. > 4e knows what he's !oin! to say.you're !reeted by a smilin!.en minutes later you close the door. . stumble back to bed. 9i e no warnin! of what's on your mind. like an actor readin! his lines. . 4e !ets entrenched in his position and !ood at con incin! you. :nsolicited 0uestions are the tou!hest for him to answer. follow these six !uidelines.

)urin! (orld (ar II.ustified in lyin!. +apport creates trust. (hen you ha e a rapport with someone. then he can tailor his story to be consistent with the information that you already know.he con ersation is likely to be more positi e and you will be much more persuasi e. (hen people belie e in what they are say* in!7e en if they don't belie e it7they say it with con iction.unrehearsed and unprepared. but you can see that sometimes it's better not to re eal your position7e en if it means sufferin! !reat short*term losses. .his remo es all !uilt* oriented clues.his makes it possible for him to slip up and re eal information you know to be contradictory to the truth. . H. and hundreds died. the secret code used by the 9ermans. . 4owe er.hree powerful tips for establishin! and buildin! rapport are" . Ask 0uestions to !ather information to see if it's consistent with what you already know. %hur chill decided not to tell the townspeople. which means you can't use those clues as an indicator. . > 4e has a se ere mental disorder. . and that's ri!ht where you want him. Simple thin!s such as unbuttonin! your coat or uncrossin! your arms can make the other person feel less defensi e. the 9ermans would know that En!land had broken the code and would chan!e it. so he probably won't appear ner ous. En!land learned of an impendin! attack by the 9ermans on the town of %o entry. . (ei!hin! the li es of those who li ed in %o entry a!ainst the enormous possible future !ain of bein! pri y to all 9ermany's war plans. If he knows what you know. > 4e thinks he's . En!land had cracked Eni!ma. allowin! you to build a psycholo!ical brid!e to the person. he is much more likely to feel comfortable and open up. -e er re eal what you know first. if %hurchill e acuated the people. Such a person does not ha e a concept of ri!ht and wron!. G. > 4e feels there's little or nothin! at stake. (ith any luck you'll ne er be in such a predicament. Most of the other clues will still be a ailable for you to obser e.he !reater ob.ecti e must be kept in mind.his left %hurchill with an ob ious conundrum.he way you present yourself can !reatly influence the attitude of the other person. .

after a moment. #ater in the 0uestionin! you'll mo e to sta!e four.6 later in the con ersation you mi!ht say somethin! like. A simple reflection of aspects of the per son's beha iour or speech is enou!h. . if he wa es his arms around no matter what he's talkin! about.see part F. . -e er. Also ask open*ended 0uestions.6 Make sure that you don't seem to be mimickin! her.his will make your tar!et person ner ous.his way any anxiety*based responses or actions are the product of his deceit. enablin! you to shift strate!ies. e er interrupt. once you become !ood at it. 2or instance. > Matching speech: . . > Matching key "ords: If she is prone to usin! certain words or phrases. you want to know this. you do the same. If he makes a !esture with his hand.ry to match his rate of speech. . 6. 'ut initially you don't want to make him ner ous. If he's speakin! 0uickly. to do somethin! similar. It's a !ood idea. 5ou can't learn anythin! new while you're talkin!. if possible. 1b ious copyin! of another's mo ements is unproducti e. you put your hand in yours. . you casually make the same !esture. which cor* responds to the person's normal le el of anxiety. employ them when you speak. . then you speak 0uickly. 6I like that the offer is desi!ned to offer incredible !ain . Althou!h your posture should be relaxed and non* threatenin!. If he's speakin! in a slow.> Matching posture and mo ements: If he has one hand in his pocket. I. Ask a 0uestion that you know will produce a response similar to how you expect him to react. relaxed tone. section F and G<.his can be a ery powerful skill for you. A. see if you can s0uare off so that you're facin! each other. not his en ironment.he offer is desi!ned for incredible !ain for both parties. In other words. . 5ou need to know whether certain pat terns of beha iour are part of this person's usual repertoire.his allows you to use se eral of the detection clues ha in! to do with body lan!ua!e . #ie detectors use what is called a baseline. 5ou want to create an en ironment in which the only reason he has to be ner ous is if he's done somethin! wron!. 5ou want to establish how he responds to a 0uestion that can be answered easily and use that as a benchmark if you don't know the person well. if she says.his !i es you the opportunity to hear lon!er answers. J. .

'ut now that you' e chan!ed the tone of the con ersation.his puts him on the de* fensi e.his 0uestion really confuses people because the answer is !oin! to be no. Stage 0. . Stage 3. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three. re!ardless. It makes them uncomfortable. weren't you36 If he didn't !o out. 4e doesn't know how you feel about his answer yet.he !uilty abhor silence.see clue GJ<. so it doesn't tip your hand. A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E 2 #ead and %onfine Stage %. Silence. 2irst. . It also !i es you a chance to obser e other clues such as chan!es of sub. 'ut if he did. . If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. if you want to know if your boyfriend went out last ni!ht. don't respond at all. ner ousness. a 0ues* tion he doesn't mind answerin! truthfully. 2or example. 2eally* At the end of his answer respond with 6+eally36 . Stage 1. he would be free to tell you. you'll look for clues such as if his oice !oes up at the end of the sentence .his one simple word !i es you two shots at as* sessin! the same answer. Sudden death. 'ut it forces him to repeat his response. uncomfortable lau!hter. Ask a leading +uestion. 4ere. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.his techni0ue is called lead and confine. -ow you can watch for those clues that come out when the person is more ner ous than before you challen!ed his credibility. 2ollow with 6Is there anythin! you want to !et off your chest36 .If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. an outri!ht 0uestion mi!ht make him lie if he feels you will be upset.ect. he's thrown for a loop. Ask a 0uestion that restricts his answer to somethin! he feels is positi e. he feels comfortable a!reein! with you .his will usually make him continue talkin!.M. . etc. indicatin! he may be unconsciously lookin! for confirmation. your 0uestion is 65ou were back by two A. last ni!ht. Instead.

. 4ere you sound disappointed that she answered that way. so you would ha e !otten it out of your system.because you make it sound okay. A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E 3 . won't you36 If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. 5ou will !i e up these ways once we're married. So if you want to know that. /lease tell me that you' e done it.6 If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.ime #ine )istortion . isn't the point. Someone who knows how to li e a little. 5ou' e !ot the answer to your real 0uestion. she feels that she's comfortin! you by an* swerin! the way you' e indicated is okay. 6I know that you' e had to !et some thin!s out of your system. she still could ha e cheated on you after you !ot en!a!ed as well. the 0uestion you would ask is 65ou were only with other people #efore we !ot en!a!ed. 'his is not going to "ork.his forces her to rethink her answer and become comfortable tellin! you the truth. . so I know that it's o er with. If you want know if your fiancN e er cheated on you.his is where you let her know that e erythin! you' e e er thou!ht about her may be wron!. #et's take another example. Stage 0. too. . E en thou!h she answers yes. (hether he was or wasn't back by two A.M. make that the focus of your next attack. 2e erse course: &ou' e got #e kidding) -ow you throw her completely off balance. puttin! her in a situation where she won't know how she should answer. you mi!ht ask.6 If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.he only way she can show you that she is the person you thou!ht she was is to confess. 5ou would say somethin! like 6I was hopin! you did. Stage 1. After some time has passed. 6I thou!ht you were somebody who had a sense of ad enture. ri!ht36 A!ain. but when we !et married. I want to know that I can trust you.his se0uence combines se eral psycholo!ical principles and .

.he two factors affectin! time are when the e ent occurred and when you became aware of it. you suspect your spouse of ha in! an affair. Scenario A In this example. Stage %. . that he would feel so comfortable tellin! his parents if he had taken the car the ni!ht before. thou!h. .hen ery nonchalantly .oke about the affair that you suspect him of ha in! had. e en thou!h you 6knew6 of his affair for some time. In a different con ersation. If either or both of these factors are mo ed into the past. the e ent is no lon!er timely. It's doubtful. let's take the same set of circumstances.his 0uestion completely shifts the wei!ht of the con ersation.produces truly remarkable results.ime is a powerful psycholo!ical tool that can shift our perspecti e dramatically. )o you want to know how I found out36 . (hy3 'ecause time has passed. If a couple's son borrowed their car without permission ten years earlier. we'll use the followin! example. . . I' e always known about that. Stage 0.his will prompt him to ask what you're talkin! about. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. 4e feels that he's totally in the clear and will now seek to satisfy his curiosity. . .ust brou!ht back by the police. your wife casually men* tions that this mischie ous deed was done by your now twenty*fi e*year*old son ten years earlier. he would probably feel that he could mention it with full impunity7it mi!ht e en be amusin! at this point7and he certainly doesn't ha e to worry about bein! punished. #et's say that your wife calls you up at work and informs you that your fifteen*year*old son took the family car for a . 5our reaction is likely to be considerably more mild.oy ride and was .his !reatly reduces its percei ed si!nificance. 4owe er. 5ou mi!ht be understandably upset. #et the con ersation turn casually to the topic of cheatin!. It's no #ig deal. Setting the scene. except for one thin!. #ookin! fairly shocked that he seems concerned. 4e's thinkin! that the relationship has been fine for all this time. #et's look at the flip side of this example. you reply with 61h.o explain.

#et's take an example in which you suspect se eral em* ployees in your store of stealin! money.ust an accident and that I really wouldn't want to talk about it. Set the scene. 6I know that you were .6 . 5ou will be ama$ed at what comes out of his mouth. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three. (ith one of the employees let the con ersation turn casually to stealin! and say.his 0uestionin! se0uence really opens the mental flood!ates. AT TA C K S E ! U E N C E )irect Assumption=Shot in the )ark Stage %. the kind of person his boss thinks he is. I knew ri!ht from the start what was !oin! on. 5ou ha e the ..% appreciate "hat you' e done. 6I thou!ht that you knew I knew but were protectin! my feelin!s. It's no #ig deal. but you're not 0uite sure what it is and you don't ha e any e idence to support your thinkin!. I appreciate "hat you' e done. .6 )o you see how nicely this works3 'y confessin! he feels that he's bein! a !ood person.6 Stage 0. 4ow else do you think you could ha e !otten away with it for so lon!3 I hope you don't think I'm a complete idiot.hat's a !reat phrase because he doesn't want to risk of*fendin! you on top of e erythin! else. . Scenario . If he still denies it. Setting the scene. +emember to hold your !round and not settle until you hear a confession of alue. he actually thinks that he's a !ood !uy. And that all this time he was doin! somethin! nice and didn't e en know it.< Stage 1.his se0uence is used when you ha e a !ut feelin! that somethin! isn't ri!ht. In this se0uence he is forced to talk about whate er he feels are his misdeeds. It's really okay. 61h. knowin! that I'd understand it was .6 -ow it's e en more temptin! to confess because by doin! so.Stage 1. tell him.ust !oin! alon! with it because you were scared of what the others would do. (e' e all done thin!s we're not proud of. I know you're not that kind of person. 65ou had to know I knew. Stage I.

6I' e .his will cause his mind to race to find ways to explain the 6error of his ways. but I . 2irst set the scene" be somewhat curt and standoffish. 6)on't lie to me. puttin! you in a weaker position.his is different from sayin!.ust wanted you to know that I know.he lon!er I wait. Say. you'll know that he's !uilty. Stage 3. 6I think we both know what I'm talkin! about. 6ontinue to hold your ground. As soon as he tries to find out this information. -otice that you're not askin! for anythin!. I4m hurt. Say.6 . If you don't get the ans"er you 're looking$ for continue to phase three. Sayin! 6/lease don't lie to me6 establishes that you don't know what the truth is. 6(e were all talkin! about it.6 If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. It's his .6 Stage 0.6 If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Apply social pressure. and we can start by your talkin!. Stage 7.le era!e because you're in control of the con ersation7 you're holdin! all the cards. AT TA C K S E ! U E N C E 5 (ho. as if somethin! hea y*duty is botherin! you.ob to fi!ure out what he's done wron! and how to make it all ri!ht.his re*establishes that your assertion is a fact$ not a suspicion.b< you know what it is. I know you're !oin! to lie to me and try to deny it. (e need to clear the air. +epeat phrases such as 6I'm sure it will come to you6 and 6. -ow it's merely a 0uestion of whether or not he comes clean.ust found somethin! out and I'm really hurt Oshocked=surprisedP. 5olding your ground. . E erybody knows. Me3 . Stage 1. . the madder I'm !ettin!.6 -ow he be!ins to !et curious about who knows and how they found out.6 you establish that .a< he's !uilty of somethin! and . -ow is the time to add a little social pressure. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.6 'y sayin! 6I know you're !oin! to lie.

Stage %. Setting the scene. .his se0uence works well when you don't ha e any real proof that someone has wron!ed you but you belie e that you are ri!ht in your as* sumption of !uilt. 2or example, let's say (inston's house had been broken into. 4e was con inced that his ex* !irlfriend, whom he had recently broken up with, was the culprit. 'ut he wasn't sure. She had his key, and the only thin! that was missin! was some expensi e ,ewellery that was well hidden. 'ut the housekeeper or the electrician who had ,ust finished some work could ha e done it or it mi!ht ha e been simply a random bur!lary. Just callin! his ex* !irlfriend and accusin! her of this crime would ha e been futile. She would deny all knowled!e of the e ent, and he would be left with no e idence and no confession. Instead, he proceeded as follows.

4e phoned to let her know in a ery non*accusatory way that there had been a break*in and some items were missin!. In an attempt to sound surprised, she asked what happened. .he followin! is a short example of the type of con ersation that would ensue.

(I-S.1-" .he police are !oin! to want to talk to e eryone who had access to the house. Since you still ha e a key, they're !oin! to want to speak with you. Just routine stuff, I'm sure. 1f course you're not a suspect. Ex* 9l+#2+IE-)" 'ut I don't know anythin! about it. (I-S.1-" 1h, I know. Just policy, I !uess. Anyway, one of my nei!hbors said that she !ot a partial license*plate number on a car that was by my house that day. Ex* 9I+#2+IE-)" 8After a long pause9 (ell, I was dri in! around your nei!hbourhood that day. I stopped by to see if you were home. 'ut when you weren't, I ,ust left. So far she has effecti ely explained her presence there that day. 'ut in doin! so she has established either an uncanny coincidence or her !uilt. 4ad she been innocent, she would ha e had no reason to pursue this line of con ersation. 4e then introduces more e idence.

(I-S.1-" 1h, really3 (ell, they did a fin!erprint test too. .hat should show somethin!. Ex" (hat test3 (I-S.1-" 1h, they dusted for prints and Q

At this point she said that the police mi!ht pick up her prints, since she had been there pre iously. Althou!h by now he knew she was in ol ed, it wasn't until about ten minutes later that she broke down and confessed7at first to ,ust bein! in the house and then later to takin! the ,ewellery. Stage 0. Inform non(accusatorily. %asually inform your suspect of the situation. Stage 1. Introduce e idence to #e re#utted. As you in* troduce the e idence, look to see if e ery one of your state* ments are met by explanations from him as to how the e idence could be misunderstood. 2or example, let's say that you suspect that your co*worker had shredded some of your files in hopes of beatin! you out for a promotion. 5ou would first set the sta!e by lettin! him know that you can't find some important files. And then you say somethin! like, 6(ell, it's a !ood thin! my new secretary noticed someone by the shredder the other day. She said she reco!ni$ed his face but didn't know his name.6 At this point see if he offers up a reason as to why he would be mistaken for the 6real culprit.6 4e mi!ht tell you that he was there shreddin! some of his own documents. An innocent person would not feel the need to explain in order to a ert the possibility that he mi!ht be wron!ly accused.

If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 3. 6ontinue. %ontinue with more facts that the person can try to explain away. 'ut in actuality, as soon as he starts to talk about why the situation mi!ht 6look that way,6 you know you ha e him. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

AT TA C K S E ! U E N C E

"

1utra!eous Accusations
In this se0uence you accuse the person of e erythin! and anythin! under the sun. 'y accusin! him of doin! e ery possible thin! wron!, you will !et a confession concernin! what he has really done7which to him at this point is no bi! deal, considerin! all that you're accusin! him of.

Stage %. Accuse him of e erything. In a ery fed*up manner accuse him of doin! e ery ima!inable dishonest and disloyal act.

Stage 0. Introduce the suspicion. -ow you introduce the one thin! that you feel he really has done, and in an attempt to clear himself of the other char!es, he will offer an explanation for his one slip*up. 4e will of course naturally profess total innocence of the other accusations. /hrase it as such" 6I mean, it's not like you ,ust Owhate er you suspect him of doin!P, that would be fine. 'ut all these other thin!s are unspeakable.6 5ou mi!ht !et a response like 6-o, I ,ust stole that one file because of the pressure to !et the ,ob done, but I would ne er sell trade secretsC6 .he only way to pro e his innocence to all of your outra!eous accusations is to explain why he did what you really suspect him of doin!. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three. Stage 1. Step in closer. .his increases anxiety in the !uilty. .he mo ement makes him feel he's bein! closed in on. If you don't !et the answer you want, !o back to sta!e F and ask a!ain. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

A T T A C K

S E ! U E N C E

#

Is .here a +eason3
Stage %. Introduce a fact. In this se0uence the person must answer your 0uestion with information, not a simple denial. 2or example, if you want to know if your secretary went out last ni!ht when she said she was sick, your 0uestion mi!ht be 6I dro e by your house on the way home. Is there a reason your car wasn't in the dri eway36 If you simply ask, 6)id you !o out last ni!ht36 she can deny that she did. 'ut by introducin! a plausible fact, you force her to answer. If she was out, she will try to explain the missin! car. (hen she does, you will ha e erified what you suspect to be true7 that she was not at home sick. )o you see how this works3 If she lied about ha in! to stay home because she was sick, then she has to explain where the car was. She mi!ht say that a friend borrowed it or that she ran out to !et cold medicine, etc. 4ad she been home sick, she would simply tell you that you were

wron!7the car was in the dri eway.

Stage 0. :ne more shot. 5ou want to !i e her one more shot at comin! clean or at comin! up with a reasonable explanation to explain your 6fact.6 Say, 61h, that's odd, I called your house and I !ot your machine.6 .o which she mi!ht reply, 61h, I turned my machine on to !et some rest.6 +emember, if she is !uilty she will look for any way to make her story fit your facts. If she does this, she's probably lyin!. -ow it's possible that a friend did borrow the car and that she did turn her machine off. 4owe er, at some point these 6explanations6 are !oin! to start soundin! manufactured. Additionally, because she is forced to tell new lies to pro* tect pre ious ones, you now ha e se eral statements you can look at for si!ns of deceit. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 1. Stare. Starin! is an underused yet formidable weapon. It produces different results dependin! upon par* ticular situations. Starin! makes someone who is on the de* fensi e feel closed in8 your !lare is infrin!in! on her personal space, inducin! a mental claustrophobia. .o escape she needs only tell you the truth. #ock eyes with her and ask a!ain. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

A T T A C K

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$

.hird*/arty %onfirmation
.his se0uence is one of the more powerful ones, pro ided you ha e the cooperation of a third party. 5ou !ain maxi* mum credibility, because it remo es ,ust about any doubt that there is deception on your part.

Scenario 5ou suspect one of your employees is ha in! someone else punch out on the time clock for him. Stage %. Accuse outright. After !ainin! the assistance of a

6 At this point Mel is concerned only with %indy's disap* pro al of his actions. (hene er you want a confession. A person who's innocent would not be interested in smoothin! thin!s o er with someone else for somethin! that he hasn't done. and she told me she's !ettin! pretty tired of your ha in! someone else punch out for you so you can lea e work early.friend or co*worker. F was talkin! to %indy. 61kay. but I think I know how you can smooth thin!s o er with her. if the focus of your discussion is not on what he has already done. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three. Last call. Stage 1. switch the focus with 6Are you kiddin!3 It's common knowled!e. 'oth reactions do you little !ood. 5our friend is thorou!hly belie able because we rarely think to 0uestion this type of third*party setup. 'ut are you sure36 At this point any hesitation is likely to be si!n of !uilt because he's 0uickly tryin! to wei!h his options. In other words. A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E ( . . If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. the only way he can take ad anta!e of a new opportunity presented to him is to admit his pre ious actions. as he assumes that you already ha e proof of them. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Scenario . Such as 6Mel. you ha e this person make the accu* sation for you. you're far better off mo in! the con ersation past his actions. 1therwise he's likely to lie or become defensi e.he se0uence is based on the assumption that the wron!doin! took place and brin!s the con ersation past that. then you're likely to !et him to admit to his actions.6 See if he takes the bait. Stage 0.he %hain +eaction In this se0uence you create a chain reaction that ori!inates in the person's own deceitful actions. Are you kidding* If he still won't confess. 4owe er.

Stage 0. they're on his side. -ow don't worry. it's pretty unusual.his works because he now feels that whoe er 6they6 are.6 . )enyin! what he's done will cost him his bi! promotion. Stage %. AT TAC K S E ! U E N C E 1' . As a matter of fact we' e known about it for some time. . I told them so. In a one*on*one meetin! with the employee. 65ou know. Setting the scene. we feel that since you know how it's done. #ook for hesitation on his part. Anyway. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. O-otice how disarmin! the phrase 6open discussion6 is8 it's much better than 6confess6 or 6stop lyin!. . 'he irony is . 4e's !oin! to be hesitant about lettin! 6them6 down. he's !uilty. .his is also used with one ma!ic key phrase. 5ou offer the information you do ha e so that he belie es the rest of what you say. Duite impressi e. but you don't ha e the full story. I was ri!ht.5ou suspect se eral employees in your store of stealin! money. he will e en boast about his mis* deeds. and if he takes the bait. I told them that you would be too afraid to ha e an open discussion about this. let him know that you're lookin! for someone to be in char!e of a new internal theft pro!ram for the en*tire company. 9ranted.6 4e now feels comfortable with his pre ious actions.his takes time.he Missin! #ink . If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three. If you tell your story con incin!ly. but this is an unusual instance. (e were more interested in seein! how efficient you were. 1nly the !uilty ha e the option of confessin! or not. . Stage 1. you're not !oin! to !et in trouble. An innocent person has nothin! to think about.hey were wron!. 4is new position is e en dependent upon his misdeeds. .6P .his se0uence is used when you ha e some idea about what's !oin! on. If he's !uilty he will be wei!hin! his options. you'll know how to pre ent it. 6(e're lookin! for someone who knows how it's done.

as a denial by both would be likely. 2ortunately /amela is skilled in the art of detectin! deceit and decides on a different course of action.he !uilty person will honour your re0uest because she won't want to an!er you further. . /amela has a routine physical. I'm too upset to talk about this now. 65ou know what.ust letting you kno".he response of your suspect will let you know if he's innocent or !uilty. 'he magic phrase. you can be sure that she doesn't care if you're too upset to talk about it7because you ha e no reason to be upset.6 If she becomes 0uiet she's probably !uilty.hinkin! back o er her recent sexual partners. but this time you' e !one too far. Stage %. . State your assumption. . and that you ob. . An innocent person will be mad at you for accusin! her of somethin! that she hasn't done and will want to discuss it no". he calls to inform her that she has contracted the herpes irus. . she is con inced that it must ha e been either Mike or Ste en who !a e her the disease. List facts. Merely askin! her two 6suspects6 if they knowin!ly !a e her herpes would probably pro e futile. . If she has no idea what you're talkin! about.his se0uence explores a person's frame of mind when he or she is presented with new information. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.ust to inform. .he key with this se0uence is not to accuse. She calls both !uys up and casually informs them that she . 6I know all about the in esti!ator.Scenario 5ou think that your mother*in*law may ha e hired a pri ate in esti!ator to follow you around.6 Stage 0. and when her doctor !ets the blood test results. A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E 1 1 %ondemn or %oncern Stage I.ected to the weddin!. (hy did you think that was necessary36 Stage 1.ell her somethin! that you know to be true. 6I know you're not ery fond of me. I'm .

a clear indication of why the ma*chine was not functionin! properly. Mike simply wants to make /amela belie e he is not !uilty. I didn't !i e it to youC I'm clean.ust few days before.ust found out that she has herpes. 4ere's another example. Ste en. It doesn't occur to him to become an!ry.hus. #et's say that you're workin! in the customer ser ice department of a computer store.he person who utters +esponse G has e ery ri!ht to be annoyed8 it ne er crosses his mind that he's bein! accused of anythin!. <>hat* &ou sold me a printer that has a missing part* I "asted t"o hours trying to get that thing to "ork. 1n hearin! that his pre ious sexual part* ner has an incurable. in contrast.E@E-" 5ou whatC 4ow lon! ha e you had it for3 5ou mi!ht ha e !i en it to meC I can't belie e this. <I didn't take it out. < =:fensi e9 )o you see how effecti e this is3 . he !ets an!ry because he is concerned about his health. and easily remo able component of the machine is missin!. easily transmissible disease. 'hat's ho" it "as "hen I #ought it. 4e is unconcerned about his own health be*cause he already kno"s he is infected. 4ere are two possible responses you mi!ht !et after informin! the customer of your disco ery. After hearin! the news the two men responded as follows" Ml&E" (ell. he !oes on the defensi e7assumin! that he is bein! accused of !i in! it to her.he responses she !ot led her strai!ht to the culprit. .he person who !i es +esponse F knows he ne er e en tried to !et the printer to work because he took the part out. 4e has the all*important receipt and the printer is packed neatly in the ori!inal box. . 2esponse %. assumes that the call is to inform him that she mi!ht ha e infected him. S. claimin! that he bou!ht it .. A cus* tomer brin!s back a nonworkin! printer for an exchan!e. 4e assumes that he's bein! accused of remo in! the part and becomes defensi e when you in*form him the part is missin!. .< =Defensi e9 2esponse 0. . you're ri!ht. don't look at me. :pon inspectin! the contents you find that a necessary. expensi e. Are you sure3 (hich one is likely to be the !uilty party3 If you !uessed Mike.

)on' t ba c k a wa y. . Stand or sit upri!ht7no slouchin!. If you do not commit any of them. .6 2a c e t he per s on st r ai !ht on.his is the announcer's familiar line at the do! track at the start of the race. ..o con ey honesty and truthfulness in your messa!e. until you !et the answer you're lookin! for.6 . )on't start off wi t h a n y st a t e me nt s s uc h a s 6 . (hile the bullets can be fired in any order. it has to be a belie able threat or he won't take the bait. . . some of them ne!ate subse0uent ones.o be perfectl y honest with yo u . the clues to deceit work in re erse as well.If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.o t el l yo u the truth .he followin! ele en bullets can be used independently or in order. AND DON'T FORGE T T H E CARROT! 6And there !oes #ucky . 6or 6. so see which ones are appropriate for your particular situation and then arran!e them in the appropriate se0uence. If you threaten to do somethin!. 5ou want to con ey enthusiasm and truthfulness when you use these bullets. So don't 6!i e yourself away6 by makin! the same mistakes re ealed in the clues.hey are most effecti e when you con ey complete honesty in what you're sayin!. > :se animated !estures that are fluid and consistent with the con ersation. . > :se hand mo ements to emphasi$e your messa!e. . use the followin! techni0ues" > #ook the person directly in the eyes. the person you are speakin! to will at both the conscious and the unconscious le el percei e you as truthful. 5ou see. PHASE 3 ELEVEN SILVER BULLETS& HOW TO GET THE TRUTH W IT H O U T B EAT I N G IT OUT OF THEM .hey are desi!ned to !et the person to confess. . one after another. #ucky refers to a . )on't for!et that this person must belie e what you're sayin! is true.

sounds for him to hear. 5ou want to make this experience as real as possible. in fact. As you pound the pa ement each day lookin! for work you'll find one door after another slammin! shut in front of you.ust in front of the lead do!. none of this will e er be possible if we don't clear the air about the missin! money. an incenti e that keeps all the do!s runnin! faster. pretty soon you'll be sittin! behind that solid oak desk and runnin! your own di ision. see. . and sensations that he can almost feel. you'll be out of here real fast. And an incenti e is much more powerful if it's offered in a specific way.stuffed rabbit that mo es around the track . . and hear it. 5ou want to use this type of ima!ery with the sil er bullets. -ow you.he payoff for confessin! needs to be immediate. 5ou can't . then state the ne!ati es. and then present the choice. 4ere's how you mi!ht talk to him" 6'ill. And unfortunately you know how these thin!s can !et around. as 'ill's boss.hey need an incenti e to confess. 5ou know that corner office with the !reen marble floors and mirrored bar3 (ell. .he corner office . specific.ob. #ook. 2or example. 'ut I can't ha e a liar workin! here. as tou!h as it will be for me to do. and kinaesthetic.ob will be ery difficult for you. I ha e. you need to tell me the whole storyR so we can put this behind us. 6:nfortunately. . #iars are a lot like do!s. we all ha e. you ha e. auditory. si!h. In ol e as many of the senses as you can.he best way to do it is to first state the positi es.he monthly executi e dinner meetin!s as well as use of the company acation home in 4awaii will be yours as well. %reate ima!es for the person to see. clear.akin! it is one thin!7we all make mistakes. And when you dri e to work each mornin! you'll be able to park in one of the reser ed spaces. and compellin!. 1f course you'll ha e your own assistant7probably %athy. I sure wouldn't want to face your wife e ery ni!ht when you tell her that you had no luck findin! a new . suppose you are a boss in esti!atin! the possibility that your employee is embe$$lin! money from the company.6 )o you see how ima!ery helped 'ill ima!ine himself in his new position3 4is 6lo!ical6 promotion has been trans*formed into an emotional experience. pause.ust tell a person what he'll !ain by bein! truthful or lose by continuin! to lie8 you must make it real for him7so real. taste. #et him experience fully the pleasure of bein! honest and the pain of continuin! the lie. touch. If you wait for accountin! to tell me. 9ettin! another . that he can feel. So what's it !oin! to be3 . particularly isual. and in your best parental tone finish your statement. I' e !ot bi! plans for you. . Make it his reality.

If you tell someone that you ha e 6had enou!h and are throu!h bein! lied to6 only to remain where you are. make sure that your non erbal communication is consistent with your words. In this instance you would need to !et up and walk toward the exit. +emember that we all com* municate on two le els" erbal and non erbal. Abo e all. . 'y askin! for the whole story you're not implyin! that he's been lyin! to you and you're !i in! him credit for bein! partially honest.he phrase 6whole story6 is more effecti e than askin! someone to confess or tell the truth. 2or instance. 5ou can always come back with another strate!y later. Askin! someone to tell the truth is askin! him to re erse his ori!inal po* sition.ust has to !o a little further and be completely honest. you're not !oin! to be ery con incin!. And this is more difficult to brin! about.and the bri!ht future. when you !i e an ultimatum. 5our beha iour must always reflect the intensity and passion of your messa!e. -ow he . /eople tend to listen more closely and respond more compliantly when they hear their name. or the dis!race and pain of losin! e erythin!36 R. the lie. be consistent &eep your messa!e consistent. ?uick 'ip: Always use the person's name when you're speakin!.

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#

If 5ou .hink .hat's 'ad, (ait :ntil 5ou 4ear .hisC
.his bullet works well because it forces the liar into thinkin! emotionally instead of lo!ically. It alle iates his !uilt by makin! him feel that he's not alone, and it throws him off by creatin! a little an!er and=or curiosity. /lus he thinks that you and he are exchan!in! information, instead of his !i in! you somethin! for nothin!.

Sample +uestion formation: 6.he reason I'm askin! you these 0uestions is that I' e done some thin!s that I'm not too proud of, either. I can understand why you mi!ht ha e ... In a way I'm almost relie ed. -ow I don't feel too bad.6 At this point he will ask you to !et more specific about your actions. 'ut insist that he tell you first. 4old out and he'll come clean.

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2

It (as an Accident. +eallyC
.his is a !reat strate!y because it makes him feel that it would be a !ood thin! to ha e you know exactly what hap* pened. 4e did somethin! wron!, true, but that is no lon!er your concern. 5ou shift the focus of your concern to his intentions, not his actions. .his makes it easy for him to confess to his beha iour and 6make it okay6 with the explanation that it was unintentional. 4e feels that you care about his moti ation. In other words, you let him know that the source of your concern is not "hat he's done, but "hy he's done it.

Sample +uestion formation: 6I can understand that maybe you didn't plan on its happenin!. .hin!s ,ust !ot out of control and you acted without thinkin!. I'm fine with that7 an accident, ri!ht3 'ut if you did this on purpose, I don't think that I could e er for!i e you. 5ou need to tell me that you didn't do it intentionally. /lease.6

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# 5

.he 'oomeran!
2irin! this bullet really throws a psycholo!ical cur eball. (ith this example you tell him that he did somethin! !ood, not bad. 4e's completely thrown off by this.

Scenario A 5ou suspect that +ichard is stealin! from the company. 5ou want to find out if this is true, and if so, how lon! it's been !oin! on. Sample +uestion formation: 64ey, +ichard, I think you and I can become ery wealthy partners. It seems that you' e been cuttin! in on my action a little bit. 'ut that's okay. (e can work to!ether, you old de il.6 5ou want to seem !lad that you know what he's doin!.

Scenario .

5ou suspect that your spouse may be ha in! an affair. Sample +uestion formation: 65ou know, John, while I'm not thrilled about what was !oin! on behind my back Othis phrase is said to !ain credibility8 startin! off with an honest statement makes what follows more belie ableP, you should ha e said somethin!. I could ha e sa ed you a lot of sneakin! around. Maybe all three of us could !et to!ether. It mi!ht be fun. All this sneakin! around is silly.6

(ow, he's blown away. 4e has an incenti e for tellin! the truth that's better than what he was doin! on the sly. In other words, he thinks that by comin! clean, he'll ha e more fun doin! what he's been doin!. If he's not cheatin! on you, he'll think you're nuts, but you will nonetheless ha e the truth.

Scenario 6 5ou want to see if your inter iewee has lied on her resume. Sample +uestion formation: 6As we both know, e ery* body pads his resume ,ust a bit. /ersonally, I think it shows !uts. It tells me that the person isn't afraid to take on new responsibilities. (hich parts were you most creati e with on this resume36
S I L V E R B U L L E T

.ruth or %onse0uences
(ith this bullet you force your anta!onist to work with you or you both end up with nothin!. .his is the exact opposite of the boomeran!. 4ere the person has nothin! unless he cooperates with you. Since you ha e nothin! anyway ;meanin! you don't ha e the truth<, it's a !ood trade*off for you. .he followin! parable illustrates this point nicely.

A !reedy and e il watermelon farmer reali$es that some*one has been stealin! one watermelon from him each ni!ht. .ry as he mi!ht, he cannot catch the thief. 2rustrated and annoyed, one afternoon he !oes into his ast watermelon patch and in,ects one of the melons with a lethal poison. -ot to be totally cruel, he posts a si!n that reads, 6.o the person who is stealin! from me" I ha e poisoned one of the water*melons. Steal from me, and you will be riskin! your life.6 .he next mornin! he !oes out, and while he is pleased to see that the thief has not struck, he finds a note left for him. 6)ear 2armer" .oni!ht I too ha e poisoned one of your watermelons. -ow we can either work to!ether or they will all r Scenario A 5ou suspect that your housekeeper has stolen from you. Sample +uestion formation: 6I'd rather hear it from you first. I can li e with what you did=what happened, but not with your lyin! to me about it. If you don't tell me, then it's o er. If you tell me the truth, thin!s can !o back to how they were. 'ut if you don't, then we ha e no chance here, and you'll ha e nothin!.6 5ou can't let the person benefit from his action unless he tells you about it. -ow the only way he can set thin!s strai!ht is by confessin! and cooperatin! with you. .his bullet allows him to confess to his wron!doin! with

4uman bein!s place a premium on that which is scarce. And admittin! his sins now will !i e him the opportunity to explain his side. Just be honest and we'll be able to put this whole thin! behind us. then he will take a wait*and*see approach before tippin! his hand.he name of the !ame is le era!e. 1b iously. . the peak days of the year for airline tra el. the less time he has to process the information.b< you can !et what you need from someone else.ect done at work if your boss told you that the results had to be on his desk before you retired3 (ould you e er !et around to usin! those coupons if they had no expiration date3 (e ha e deadlines with penalties attached in almost e ery area of our life. I was hopin! I would hear it from you first. 6I want to hear it from you now. After tomorrow. . 5ou want to con ey that anythin! that he's done pales in comparison to his lyin! to about it" 6)oin! what you did is one thin!7we can !et past that7but lyin! about it is somethin! that I cannot deal with. and it con eys a stron!er sense of ur!ency.he faster you speak. the moti ation for the homeowner to act is hi!hest when the problem is most in* tense. :ntil you come clean. Simply put. . )eadlines produce results. I know there are two Sample +uestion formation I: .a< this is his last chance he'll ha e for explainin! himself. rare e0uals !ood.ry increasin! the rate of your speech as well.6 S I L V E R B U L L E T 5 Speak -ow or 2ore er 4old 5our /eace /lumbers know that the time to ne!otiate a price is when the basement is flooded. 4ow fast do you think you would !et your taxes in if there was no deadline3 1r if there was a deadline but no penalty was attached to it3 4ow fast would you !et a pro. 5ou can dramatically increase your le era!e by con eyin! that this is the only time that you will discuss this. #et him know that . 9i e a deadline with a penalty for not meetin! it. If the !uilty party thinks that he can al*ways come clean. )ead* lines force action. It would mean a lot to me to hear your side of it.6 Sample +uestion formation I: 6I know what happened= what you did. And when mi!ht the pilots' union !o on strike3 +i!ht before holidays. #et the person know that you al*ready know and ha e proof of his action.less anxiety. it won't be possible for you to continue here. anythin! you say won't make a difference to me. and .

his 'ut 5ou #ea e me -o %hoice . 5ou were probably treated unfairly or somethin! was lackin!. and before I decide what to do. but you rely on his ima!ination to set the terms of the dama!e that you can inflict. Sample +uestion formation: 6I understand why you would ha e done that. #ettin! him know that the ramifications are much . (hat can I do to help so that it doesn't happen a!ain36 . #et's work to!ether to see how we can a oid this happenin! a!ain.sides to e ery story. After all.he decei er made his choice to decei e based upon a !ain=loss ratio that he deemed to be to his benefit. In this bullet you up the ante. what really happened can't be as bad as what you heard. %onfessin! now is a way of cuttin! his losses. I understand completely. .6 4earin! this !i es him the feelin! he still has a chance if he confesses.his is an assumpti e 0uestion7 you take for !ranted you are ri!ht in your assertion that he acted in this way.ectin! the followin! phrases" 6I take full responsibility for your actions.ust lyin! to you7thin!s that he ne er thou!ht about. I want to hear yours. 5ou were ri!ht to do what you did.his se0uence pro ides the person with an unforeseen and unexpected incenti e to tell the truth. it pa es the way for him to . 4ere's how it works. 5ou let him become aware that there are !oin! to be !reater ramifications and repercussions than .6 S I L V E R B U L L E T # I 4ate to )o .his one turns up the heat a little. (hen he be!ins to tell you his !rie ances.his is the only strate!y that in ol es threat. . S I L V E R B U L L E T " +e erse %ourse . 5ou !i e him an opportunity to explain why he took that choice. &eep inter. %learly you wouldn't ha e unless you had a !ood reason.ustify his pre ious actions7his misdeeds7to you. 5ou con ey to him that what happened or what he did was a !ood thin! insofar as it allows you and he to establish an e en better relationship7 personal or professional. 5ou also blame yourself.he other bullets make it comfortable for the person to re eal his true self. 4is mind will race throu!h e ery possible scenario as his own fears turn a!ainst him. 5ou create a lar!er problem and then offer a solution. .

Sometimes you want to inflate it. he may in fact be innocent of your accusation.he followin! is a !eneric example of how it is used. So I looked at this . 6(e picked up this !uy for beatin! up on a couple of homeless !uys. If you don't want to tell me now.ust do what I ha e to do. (e were !ettin! absolutely nowhere with him. but you lea e me no choice.his is because the !uilty person needs to know the penalty to determine if it makes sense for him to stick to his story. we were thinkin! we had to let him walk. the odds lean more toward !uilty.he innocent has no such choice to make. A friend of mine who is a police detecti e lo es this techni0ue. Sample +uestion formation I: 65ou know what I can do. . 5ou're afraid that -iko Oa dru! runner he has worked with beforeP is !onna kick the crap out of you. If he focuses on what you will do to him. . okay.ackass and said. 2inally.6 After the suspect hurled a few expleti es he shouted.hey are the ones who ha e to make a decision. And as you may ha e !uessed.hat's it. don't. . .!reater than he e er considered helps to re*establish the risk=reward ratio in your fa our. S I L V E R B U L L E T $ I 9uess 5ou're -ot Allowed -e er underestimate the power of appealin! to a person's e!o. and other times you want to attack it. 4owe er. It's truly saddenin! how fra!ile some people's e!os are7 but for these people this bullet works ery well. . isn't it3 5ou can't !o to court o er this because he owns you. It really !ets under their skin. and therefore nothin! to consider. and I'll do it. '1h. 'ut do not commit your*self to an action.his will ine itably propel him to respond" 6)o what36 At this point he's waitin! to see what the trade*off will be. 6-obody owns . this bullet is for attackin!. #et him create in his own mind scenarios of what you will do unless he confesses. I !et it. Sample +uestion formation I: 6I didn't want to ha e to do this. if he reasserts that he's done nothin!.6 After this statement pay close attention to his response.6 . (e had no case because one of the homeless men disappeared and the other was too afraid. after half an hour. I'll . 5ou're his little sla e. 1nly the !uilty ha e the option of confessin!.

6 Sample +uestion formation I: 61kay. 5ou'd tell me the truth if you could. but you don't ha e the power to. Sample +uestion formation I: 6I think I know what it is7 you're not allowed to tell me. Sample +uestion formation: 6I'm !oin! to do somethin! nice for you because I think you'd be !reat for this .6 S I L V E R B U L L E T ( 4i!her Authority If the situation is ri!ht. if anyone else finds out about it later.6 4e became indi!nant. he did what he had to" he confessed.he ice president from corporate is comin! in today. proudly. . it's too late. She tells me that it's her !reatest tool for weedin! out un* desirable candidates for employment. 4owe er. Scenario A 5ou think an inter iewee has lied on his resume. 5ou're not able to and you probably feel as bad as I do about it. I think I know what it is. As lon! as the person belie es that you are on his side. E en the sli!htest exa!!eration will pre ent you from bein! hired. All you ha e to do is let him know that anythin! he's lied about can now be cleared up in seconds. 5ou want to know if your secretary lea es early when you're out of the office. 4e's asked about your hours. this bullet will work exceptionally well. )o you remember what days last month you finished up early and took off36 . An ac0uaintance of mine who works in the human resources department of a lar!e financial firm lo es this one.hey're !oin! to want to erify e erythin! on the resume. And to pro e his point.me. (hat specifically needs to be re ised so that it's perfectly accurate36 Scenario . so I'm !oin! to tell him that you come in early on the days that you lea e early. Somebody else is pullin! the strin!s and you'll !et in trouble. So let's clean it up now. he'll take the bait.ob. Sample +uestion formation: 6.

. and you're !oin! to work to!ether to smooth thin!s o er. So you need to remo e the penalty from the k n o " n and put it where it's uncomfortable" t h e u n k n o " n . in which case he may wei!h his options and decide that you may ne er find out the truth.)o you see how disarmin! this is3 5ou're not yellin! at her or demandin! answers. /lus the phrase 6finished up early6 implies that she's done all her work7and efficiently at that. the de!ree of an!uish is more potent.his means that when a new situation arises we ha e an inherent need to compare and contrast it with somethin! familiar. if you said . 'i m e : 9i e no indication of when the penalty will occur.he two factors are time and impact.his can be a ery fri!htenin! experience. 5ou're on her side. (hen bad thin!s happen we are often comforted in knowin! that it will soon be o er and the rest of our life will remain intact and unaffected. the anxiety is !reatly hei!htened. 4owe er. at any time should I . you will ha e difficulty !ettin! the truth. . It's us a!ainst them. and you're here to help.or ways to make it appear much more se ere. 5ou can obtain maximum le era!e by explainin! how the ramifications of his deceit will be somethin! that the suspect has ne er known before. If you want the truth and the penalty for lyin! is clear. we become increasin!ly fearful and concerned. 'ut what if there was no cate!ory for it fall into3 . the se erity of the penalty can be manipulated in two ma. . Scenario Impact: 5ou suspect an employee of stealin!. S I L V E R B U L L E T 1 ' . . 'ut if these thin!s are not assured.he 9 reat :nknow n 2or most people it is next to impossible to see anythin! or understand any concept by itself. Sample +uestion formation: 6Smith. It stands to reason that in instances where the penalty for lyin! is not se ere enou!h. (hen thin!s happen unexpectedly. If he knows he won't !et a chance to mentally prepare and brace himself. then the suspect knows the up side and the down side for confessin! and he can wei!h his options. E en if he belie es that you are limited in what you can do to him and in what the penalty will be. 4e needs to see that this e ent is not isolated and will instead ha e a ripple effect. %on ey that his entire life will be disrupted and drastically altered for the worse. 5ou can threaten to fire him.

. 4e will be!in to cra e reco!nition and acceptance.6 . or feel that his ideas and thinkin! is irrele ant.disco er that you' e been lyin! to me about this.ust about anythin! to reassert his sense of importance. . Maybe we'll talk some other time. If he feels that you don't care that he's lyin! to you. . he needs to know7why you're so ca alier and dispassionate.: 6I' e !ot other thin!s to think about. you show that you care. and if talkin! about his misdeeds is the only way he can find out.6 Sample +uestion formation 6: 65ou do what you ha e to do. -obody wants to be thou!ht of as unimportant. he will want to know7better. 5our apathy toward the situation will unner e him immensely.ake away a person's belief that he has alue and he'll do . I'll march you ri!ht out of here in the middle of the day. And this is a small business community 7try !ettin! a .ust don't care. S I LV E R BULLET 11 I %ouldn't %are #ess A primary law !o ernin! human nature is that we all ha e a need to feel si!nificant. )id you expect somethin! like this from him3 )o you know somethin! that he doesn't3 Are you uninterested in his opinion or feelin!s for you3 )o you plan on seekin! retribution or re en!e3 (hen you show emotion. . 5ou'll be completely throu!h. that's fine with me. 4e needs to know you care what happens. he will.his is not for me. Some examples of what you can say are as follows" Sample +uestion formation A: 6I know and I .his last sentence is called an easy* out clause and is talked about more in part A. in any form.ob with this han!in! o er your head.here will be no !ood*byes. I will ha e your desk cleaned out and security escort you to your car.6 5ou then ask him to come clean now and offer him the option of a transfer to another part of the company so you can both put this behind you.6 Sample +uestion formation .

4owe er. if you're still not !ettin! the answers you want. (e stare at thin!s that are on display. it's time for the ad anced techni0ues in part J.o make this e en more powerful.(hen you i!nore a person you usually do not make eye contact. and en!a!in! him in direct eye contact does this best. in this situation. 4owe er. . . stare at him.ob 0uite nicely. such as ca!ed animals. you want to make an instant impact.hese attack se0uences should do the . (hen you stare at someone he often feels less si!nificant and will seek to reassert his alue. starin! is often dehumani$in!. . as in most. In our culture. +emember to read this section throu!h carefully before usin! any of these techni0ues.

#I E ' E + M A - .6 7 )A@ I ) J.ruth is the first casualty of ci il discourse.P A R T 3 TACTICS FOR DETECTING DECEIT AND GATHERING INFORMATION IN CASUAL CONVERSATIONS 6.

he could . If you're askin! simple. /eople !enerally take lon!er to respond to these type of 0uestions. In*stead. Either way you're unable to detect deceit. your clues to deceit will let you know. Most people will lo e to !o on endlessly about the new restaurant they went to. . If he was lyin!. . 2or instance. unless of course they're lyin! and you keep askin! 0uestions. but a full*fled!ed interro!ation is out of the 0uestion3 4ere are some excellent ways to !ather more information without bein! ob ious. ask one such as 6)id you rent a car36 %asually ask more 0uestions in the same ein.his is a fact that he mi!ht be able to confirm or deny re!ardless of whether he had actually been there. A d d * a * 2 a l s e 2 a c t In this se0uence you add a fact and ask the person to com* ment on it.ect is if he's uncomfortable with the 0uestions. 5ou can mention that your uncle who works as a customs officer at the -airobi airport told you that e eryone !oin! to Africa was !i en special . . then he will answer you 0uickly and effortlessly. If he spoke the truth.ecti e.ecti e. not end it. response. 1nce he answers yes to any 0uestion. 9E-E+A# %1-@E+SA. 5ou could tell him that you heard that East Africa had had record hot temperatures.ust returned from an East African safari.he only way that someone would want to chan!e the sub. 4ere's how you can detect it. . If he's lyin!. the trip they took or the . clear 0uestions pertainin! to your suspicion. ask for more detail. Most important. he'll try to keep the facts strai!ht and will take his time answerin! fur ther 0uestions. not a sub. .ob they turned down . If he's lyin!. 2or instance. if you think an employee was home when he said he would be away on acation. innocuous 0uestions you should expect that he would want to extend the con ersation. G.his causes the person you are 0uestionin! to recall information. don't ask him how he en. ery hot. . /eople lo e to talk about themsel es. Ask*a*2act )urin! the con ersation simply ask !eneral.ust plead i!norance of the fact and pro*claim that it was ery. 2urthermore. he'll take a while to answer because he first has to check his response mentally to be sure it makes sense. Made*up stories do not ha e details because they ne er happenedC Ask 0uestions that will !i e you an ob.I1-S F.his fact is one that you' e made up. let's say that while you are at a party someone proclaims that he has .oyed the weather in 2lorida. but one that sounds perfectly reasonable.-ow what about those times when you're not 0uite sure if someone is lyin! to you. note how lon! it takes him to call up the information.

5ou su!!est L o s t i n . 2or example. but in a ery non*threatenin! manner. Since you worked in the buildin!. it would be !reat if you would show us your security access card. If he offers up a reason why you can't see the pictures7 didn't take any. All you do is expand on a fact that she has already offered. 5ou mi!ht say. Expand*a*2act :se this clue to determine how far someone is willin! to !o to !et what she wants. who doesn't want to see this. if you' e !ot a . #et's take another example. then you know that she may be lyin! about what she's said so far and=or is willin! to lie to !et you to see her point. 5our secretary asks you for the rest of the day off because she's not feelin! well. If he merely confirms somethin! that's actually true. 1therwise he would simply say that he doesn't know what your uncle is talkin! about. 5ou then say.oke. didn't come out ri!ht. 5our statement has to be untrue. 65our story about this !o ernment conspiracy is fascinatin!. in the abo e scenario you wouldn't say you heard that the tilt of the earth's axis made for exceptional iewin! of the ni!ht sky. you ha en't learned anythin! new. you mi!ht let him know that you would lo e to see pictures of the trip. well. if no one in your office liked it. b. It has to sound reasonable. 1therwise the person you are 0uestionin! mi!ht think it's a .instructions on how to a oid malaria. 61h. If she .6 In other words. 4ere are the criteria" a. 61h. I !uess it's probably no !ood.ust !oes on without correctin! you. #et's say that you and your friend are decidin! on what mo ie to see. 5ou mi!ht say. in the case of the person who claimed he had !one on safari. As soon as he alidates your claim in an attempt to back up his assertion that he has !one to Africa. #et's say you're a talk*show producer and you want to check the credibility of a !uest. so he would ha e firsthand knowled!e of this 6fact. you know that his story is untrue. c. 5our assertion has to be somethin! that would directly affect the person. of course. H. left lens cap on7then this should arouse some suspicion. a r a d i s e$ but your friend.6 I.6 If she lets it !o at that7not correctin! your false assertion7then you know that she either lied initially about her co*worker or will lie in this situation. offers as e idence a co*worker who has already seen it and didn't like it. Support*a*2act In this se0uence you take what the person says and re0uest proof.

SPECIAL OCCASIONS . by turnin! it around you create an incenti e for him to tell you.he strate!ies usually fall into one of the followin! ten cate!ories.his ma!ic phrase opens the flood!ates of con ersation.hese people are comin! from a different psycholo!ical position. by all means take off. what would you ha e done differently36 .his tactic is a little different in that it is used if someone is reluctant to tell you somethin! that in ol es another per*son.6 She ne er claimed to ha e these symptoms. her not correctin! your statement indicates that she does not mind bein! deceitful to !et what she wants. . . A!ain. so the situation must be addressed uni0uely. Scenario A 5our attorney is tellin! you about a case that a fellow at* torney screwed up on. 1r the situation is such that you ha e to be ery delicate in your approach.hese strate!ies are used when a person is reluctant to re eal information for unselfish reasons. 6(hat did he do wron!36 would probably !et you nowhere. 4owe er. 1f course she may simply be sick and ea!er to !et home. 5ou ha e to appeal to his e!o and let him for!et that he's tellin! tales out of school.fe er and a bad headache. 64ad you handled the case. if she does not correct you. 4owe er. she is clearly either lyin! about bein! ill or willin! to a!ree to anythin! to !o home. . Sample +uestion formation: . 5ou merely expanded on her statement.hird*/arty /rotection . Simply askin!.

-ow you'll !et the real ob. you would likely ha e met with !reat reluctance to speak. 5our ob. 2 .Scenario . In these situations it's usually inappropriate and futile to become ar!umentati e. It's .he /ower /lay Sometimes the person reluctant to tell the truth is in a po* sition of power. (ould you mind tellin! me what I did to offend you36 -ow your buyer is cau!ht off !uard and will undoubtedly follow with 61h.ust that.he other person feels as if he's doin! a !ood thin! by answerin! your 0uestion.ecti e will be to !et to the real ob. one of your salespeople. Sample +uestion formation: 6I do this for a li in!. you didn't offend me.6 :fend is a powerful word. he may be reluctant to say anythin!. Scenario A 5ou're tryin! to sell to a buyer who doesn't want to buy and is not !i in! you a reason that you truly belie e. So you turn the 0uestion around and he becomes completely forthcomin!.ec* tion because he fi!ures that tellin! you the truth is the only way to show you that you ha en't offended him. My family relies on me to support them. 4ad you asked it the other way around. . 'ut simply askin! him why she's not doin! well mi!ht pro e fruitless. %learly we ha e a fine product and you're a reasonable man. Sample +uestion formation: 6(hat areas do you think Susan can impro e in36 In both of these scenarios the con ersation is positi e. 4ere are two examples of how this is done.ection. . 1ut of loyalty to her. . In these instances you want to brin! the con ersation to a personal le el. And in fact he is. you would like to find out why Susan's sales fi!ures are low. . (hile chattin! with 'rad.

no one else will. Scenario 5ou feel that the truth is bein! withheld from you for your own benefit. 5our boss is reluctant to tell you exactly why you were passed up for the promotion. Smith. Someday I hope to be as successful in this company as you are today. Sample +uestion formation: 6Ms. A touch of !uilt makes the other person re*e aluate his approach. 6 It's a Matter of 1pinion . and I respect your thou!hts.6 :sin! the word perfectly here ser es a purpose. If I can't count on you for this.ryin! to detect deceit in a person's opinion is hard.he followin! is an excellent method for re ealin! a person's true feelin!s in any situation. but you're hurtin! me more by not bein! perfectly honest. It !i es the person credit for bein! partially honest with you. 5ou're in* terested in !ettin! at the truth. ar!uin! that she doesn't really belie e what she is sayin! to be the truth. #et me ask you one 0uestion. Sample +uestion formation I: 6If you don't tell me. I don't know what I would do. .Scenario . sittin! in this chair now. do you think that you would ha e a better chance of mo in! up in the company if you were aware of your shortcomin!s36 3 4urt 2eelin!s In this situation someone is lyin! to you to protect your feelin!s7perhaps one of those little white lies. . I understand where you're comin! from. Sample +uestion formation I: 6I know you don't want to offend me. if I may3 If you were me. 5ou can't exactly call someone a liar.

She feels comfortable offerin! criticism because she feels that you expect her to do so. 6In what past situations ha e you felt similar to this one36 J. 5ou want to know if your son is lookin! forward to !oin! to camp this summer. but if you were to !uess.ust easier to say :I don't know. 6I don't know. Sometimes it's . 6(hat emotion best describes what you're thinkin! ri!ht . what would it take for you to lo e the idea36 In this example your boss has committed to likin! the idea. 5 I )on't &now Most people don't like to be wron!.Scenario A 5ou're not sure if your boss really likes your idea for a new ad ertisin! campai!n. .6 try some of the followin! responses" F.he words you use in your response indicate that you know there is room for impro ement. As a result. 5ou don't ar!ue with her or press her on it. 6I know you don't know. when you hear 6I don't know.6 which is often why we say it in the first place. 6%an you tell me what part of this you're okay with36 I.6 . Sample +uestion se+uence I: 6)o you like the concept for my new idea36 6Sure. 2urthermore. e en thou!h she says she does. oftentimes when you ask someone what she is thinkin! or how she feels. Either way. he feels comfortable answerin! honestly because your 0uestions to him make it ob ious that you know that e erythin!'s not perfect.6 6(ell. Sample +uestion se+uence I: 6Are you e/cited about camp next month36 65eah. most people don't like to be put in a situation where they feel they ha e to defend themsel es. then why don't you tell me how you' e come to think the way you do36 G. she re*plies. what do you think it mi!ht be36 H.his response can stall a con ersation and lea e you searchin! for answers. It's ery ori!inal. It'll be fun. Scenario . 61kay.6 6(hat would it take for you to be really excited about !oin!36 A!ain.

ust one reason36 K. Scenario A 5our son doesn't want to tell you about the bully who took his lunch money. . you're takin! the pressure off.P (hen I was your a!e the same thin! happened to me. 5ou then seem to be askin! her to pro ide somethin! else. . when in reality your new 0uestion is aimed at !ettin! your initial 0uestion answered. 6I don't know6 could also mean that the person feels !uilty or foolish about her actions.his is done in the followin! way" Sample +uestion formation: 6I know you're not sure about why you did that. It was not her 6intention6 to do what she did. O.herefore you need to create an incenti e for tellin! the truth in an en ironment that makes him feel comfortable. It lets them know that he's not !oin! to !et erbally beaten up. And after I learned what to say to him.his works well because she doesn't ha e to feel responsible for her actions. Sample +uestion formation: 6It's okay if you don't want to talk about it.now36 A.he usual tactics don't work here because the person probably isn't obli!ated to tell you and more than likely will ha e nothin! to !ain by doin! so.his is a key phrase because it instantly disarms the other person. . (ould you like to hear . I' m Simpl y Embarrassed In this encounter someone is unwillin! to tell you the truth or may lie to you out of embarrassment. 6%an you think of . In this case you want to relie e her of the responsibility. so can you think of any unconscious moti ations that may ha e been at work36 . 5ou acknowled!e the person's difficulty in answerin!. 6(hat one word comes closest to describin! what you're thinkin!36 In all of these responses. he ne er bothered me a!ain. 4er beha iour was not consciously moti ated.

Scenario A what you can do36 .

on a scale from one to ten. notice that you don't say 6where do you fall36 as it is typ* ically phrased. 62it in6 directs his thinkin! between two numbers and is positi e.he yes*or*no format can be used with . then we won't. that you don't say on a scale from one to ten where one is no interest. If. I'm !oin! to ask you simple yes*or*no 0uestions and you respond ac* cordin!ly. Sample +uestion formation: 6I understand your hesitancy. where one means you' e only thou!ht about lookin! for other work and ten means you're ery interested in !oin! with another company. and if you would prefer not to discuss it.he word fall is downward and ne!ati e. 5ou allowed him to answer with the 6easiest option6 offered. It puts his focus lower on the number line.hree important criteria need to be kept in mind.As a physician you're speakin! with a patient who is reluctant to discuss her pre ious sexual relationships. Scenario 6 5ou want to find out if the foreman of your construction crew has been thinkin! of lea in! your company. he had no interest whatsoe er. the word might is used to cushion his association to his answer. notice too. then he would !o outside the parameters of your 0uestion and be free to tell you .his works well because the patient knows that there won't be an embarrassin! discussion or elaboration of any*thin! she says. Sample +uestion formation: 6Mike.ust that. helpin! him to feel less attached to it. . (hene er I ha e a patient who feels uncomfortable I do it this way and it's much easier and 0uicker. .6 . Scenario D 5ou think the new intern mixed up two piles of papers and shredded the documents that were supposed to be copied. Second. in fact. . where mi!ht you fit in36 .ust about anyone in any situation that makes one uncomfortable re ealin! personal information. 2irst. 2inally.

If you want answers or if you want somebody to do somethin!.here ha e been countless stories of a person's ha in! a heart attack on a crowded street while people .6 . . Somebody tell me what's !oin! on hereC6 (e find oursel es soundin! a lot like M @ A @ S @ 5 s 2rank 'urns7lookin! for cooperation e erywhere and findin! it nowhere. (hat I'm !oin! to tell you is between you and me. if you're the one who did this. It's not because we're cold and uncarin!. It shows that you trust him. it's all ri!ht.ust isn't there.Scenario A S a m p l e + u e s t i o n f o r m a t i o n : 6-elson. and he also feels obli!ated to share with you somethin! he's done that he feels uncomfortable with.his is best accomplished by appealin! to one person at a time. )i ide and %on0uer . you ha e to increase his re* sponsibility. 4a e you e er heard somebody scream from an apartment window3 (hile most of us ha e been in such a situation.ust walked by.his plea is often in* effecti e because of a psycholo!ical phenomenon known as social responsibility.his is a situation where there are two or more people from whom you can !et the truth. they think that since nobody else is doin! anythin!.his instantly puts the other person at ease. okay3 9ood. -obody does anythin! because they assume somebody else will8 alternati ely. I remember when I first started here. If you !et nowhere with the first person. we don't feel any stron! inclination to do anythin! about it. . . !uys. (hen there is a diffusion of responsibility. E eryone assumes that if it's an emer!ency. !o . I once made copies of a confidential memo instead of the lunch menu and placed a copy in each per*son's mailbox. the person must be okay. It's be*cause the social responsibility to act is di ided amon! many people.he best way to !et someone to confide in you is for you to confide in him. . . some*body else has already called the police.he mistake that most of us make is to say somethin! like 6%ome on. the impetus to act .

to the next and appeal to him. .

we rely on professionals to be honest and fair. I want to know that I can trust you. I. F. there are a few who are not. and re!istered to do the actual work. !et a second opinion. Always. I know I can count on you to do the ri!ht thin!.6 If you don't !et anywhere with her. H. 4a e your a!reement drawn up in writin!. 2inally. 5ou're not like they are. the followin! strate!y should !i e you an accurate insi!ht into the person's intentions.Scenario A Se eral of your sorority sisters pulled a practical . !o to someone else with the same speech. . I don't e en cafe. if possible. 5ou can trust me like I can trust you. Sample +uestion formation I: 6Eileen. insured. Some body will crack. It's easy to do and can sa e you a lot of heartache.hese situations can be tou!h because you don't ha e the specific knowled!e and expertise to ask the ri!ht 0uestions. And while most are. . :nfortunately the less*than*reputable professional is all too aware of this. $ /rofessional +eliance 2rom attorneys and plumbers to mechanics and teachers. Ask for referrals or testimonials. . And while your clues to deception will let you know what kind of person you're dealin! with. is our friend*ship. I think I can. . G. the followin! strate!y will pro e useful in these situations. you mi!ht want to take your business elsewhere. Make sure the person is licensed. but I need for you to speak honestly with me.he key is to ask for the opposite of what you really want.6 If you don't !et anywhere with her. 1ral contracts aren't worth the paper they're written on. Sample +uestion formation I: 6Jennifer. !o to the next person with the same speech. who did this is not important. (hat is. I know I can trust you to tell me the truth. If he balks at any one of these points. I'm comin! to you for one reason and one reason only. It's not that I'm so concerned with who did it7only that you are truthful with me about it.oke and you want to find out who is responsible.he con artist operates best when you're in the dark.

4ere's how to !et some. ri!ht36 If he confirms that it is.his is re!ular coffee. Either way you are not !oin! to book this cruise throu!h her.he brochure looks !reat. 5ou' e !ot $ero le era!e.his techni0ue is the ultimate apathy buster.ust want to make sure that this is not one of those party boats. ( I ) on' t & now and I )on' t %are 2ew thin!s are more frustratin! than dealin! with someone who . so you' e !ot little bar!ainin! power. I'm lookin! for some rest and relaxation. Scenario . Sandy. Sample +uestion formation: 6. should he tell you that it is decaffeinated7 somethin! he thinks you don't want7then you can be pretty sure that you're !ettin! what you ori!inally asked for. 5ou're lookin! to really let loose8 you want a trip that will be non*stop fun.Scenario A #et's say that your tra el a!ent su!!ests the 2i e*)ay %ruise 9etaway acation packa!e for you. you will know the in* tentions of your tra el a!ent and the answer to your 0uestion. If she answers yes. 5ou asked your waiter for decaffeinated coffee and fi e minutes later the busboy comes by with a filled cup of coffee. 5ou simply ha e to chan!e the e0uation so he's !ot somethin! at stake. . Is this that kind of trip36 'y askin! your 0uestion this way. . you now know that you may not be !ettin! what you asked for. (hy3 'ecause you don't ha e a whole lot to work with. Sample +uestion formation: 6. 1nly by tellin! you what she thinks you don't want to hear will she establish herself as honest. 4owe er.ust doesn't !i e a damn. and you'll ha e confirmed that this is the cruise you want to !o on. than you know that the cruise is not for you or she is lyin! to !et your business. either way. I . 'ut you're not sure if she's pushin! this packa!e for the commission or if she really belie es that it's a !reat deal. A!ain. 4e's !ot nothin! at risk. either he doesn't care enou!h to know for sure or it really is re!ular.

. Joe. 1ne forkful and it's off to the hospital I !o. that's !reat. an additi e that some people are aller!ic to. 'ut you . 4e doesn't seems terribly con incin! and you .ust know that somethin!'s !oin! to come up and it will be sittin! in his !ara!e all weekend.6 After hearin! this. Albert. . It's important to let this person belie e that you already know the truth and then add your emotional reaction to it. you' e !ot to let me know now. so if you can think of any reason why it may not be ready by 2riday. 5ou ask the waiter if there is MS9. such as sympathy. Just so you know. in the salad and he tells you there isn't. their apathy 0uickly !i es way to concern because now they're dealin! with more than . #et's take a look at a couple of !eneral statements that would be said to the person whom you belie e knows the truth" . my wife is pre!nant and she's due any day.ust want to make sure. Sim* ply chan!e the stakes and the le era!e is yours. if it's done ri!ht.oy. humour. and so on. Initially neither the mechanic nor the waiter is terribly con* cerned about your schedule or what you're eatin!. Sample +uestion formation: 61kay. Sample +uestion formation: 61kay.6 Scenario . .omorrow's fine.hat's our only car. Simply use an emotion that best fits the situation. surprise.ust an incon enience. 10 I Just 4eard Most people who lie usually confide in at least one other person. Addin! an emotion makes you appear !enuine because the fact that you know the truth is o ershadowed by your reaction to it.Scenario A 5ou take your car to the mechanic and he tells you it will be fixed by 2riday. concern. Just so you know I'm deathly aller!ic to MS9. do you think Albert may want to double*check with the chef3 -otice that the e0uation chan!es in these two scenarios. fear. 4owe er. 9ettin! the truth from this person can be done eas* ily.

4umour" 6Mary.hen offer the appropriate emotional response and you ha e max* imum credibility. 5ou can also control the mode of the response as well. and then she will usually speak as well.his looks like it cost a fortune. . 5ou smile and nod.F. DIRECTING THE CONVERSATION 5ou can steer a con ersation in any direction that you choose. 'ut if you said to your friend that it's the most !or!eous table you ha e e er seen. . she'll tell you about the cost. okay36 G.ust let me know.ake this example. what mi!ht she respond with3 5ou !uessed it7how expensi e it wasC If you said. would askin! directly be your best bet3 :sually not. 4ow are you holdin! up throu!h all this36 H. If you say that it looks beautiful. 4ow could you spend so much on a table36 what response mi!ht you !et3 She would tell you about its 0uality and the craftsmanship that went into it. (hen you say it's expensi e. 'y askin! the ri!ht 0uestions you can steer the con ersation in any direction you want and elicit the information that you need. %oncern" 6I . If you want to know if it was really expensi e. please . she smiles and nods. 5ou !i e a hello. she shows you her brand*new dinin! room table. #et's say that while you are at a friend's house. 6. . she smiles.ust told me and I still can't belie e it.ust found out8 how dare they do that to &im3 I' e !ot a !ood mind to !o down there myself and !i e them hell. ery sorry. because she may !et a little defensi e. I am truly ery. . 4a e you e er noticed the ritual that takes place when you pass someone in the hall or on the ele ator3 5ou smile. Sympathy" 6I can't belie e what Sam did. If there's anythin! I can do for you or what e er. she'll talk about the 0uality.he one who responds to the situation first is the one who controls the mode of the exchan!e.6 Make sure you act as if your suspicion is true and let this person assume that you already ha e knowled!e of it. is Joe a ma!net for odd thin!s or what3 4e .

. 5ou'll be able to !ather additional facts related to his position. you'll ha e to deal with me.6 G.hey can be used to extract information from any con ersation. 5ou can do this ery efficiently with .ry this on your own.6 6Meanin!36 6.6 . . -/ample I 6I'm the hi!hest*paid person at this institution. .his one*word response !i es you more lateral information. . After he makes a statement. and the answer is sure to be paced at a similar rate. 4e will offer the reason for the position he's taken. A n d .6 6Meanin!36 6.ob.hat the boss put me in char!e when he left.6 -/ample I 6I'm in char!e of the entire operation.he offer is as it stands.hat I'm the only one with the experience and edu* cation to do this .hen ask a 0uestion speakin! 0uickly. . If you' e !ot any problems. F. . . !i in! you a better look at his o erall position. . you can use the followin! key words to direct the flow of information in any way that you choose.6 6.he same !oes for the pace of a con ersation.. -/ample I 6I'm sorry. .6 6And . . (e' e looked at the pricin! schedule and deli ery options three times. Ask someone an open*ended 0uestion7a 0uestion that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no7 slowly and deliberately. (atch how the other person takes his time to respond. M e a n i n g . In order to best detect deceit you may want to !uide the con ersation in a particular direction.6 -/ample I 6I'm in char!e of the entire operation. I' e worked my way up the ladder o er a fifteen*year period. Sayin! this word after he speaks directs his thinkin! and the con ersation toward the lar!er picture. .6 6And . . but that's the best we can do.ust a few well*chosen words.

.6 6-ow . I.6 -/ample I 6(e offer the best !uarantee in the business.he followin! re* sponses show how to draw out a specific answer. 4e will proceed to tell you exactly what he means and how it applies to you.ob would be here for you. .6 6So .6 6If you came to me. truthful answer.his response makes him !et more specific.6 6If you e er had to take a lea e of absence. and we'll !et the paperwork !oin!.6 GETTING SPECIFIC Sometimes you'll !et an answer. -/ample I 6I offer the best le el of medical care you can !et.ob security.6 H. . . No" .hat means e erythin!7in entory. . . 4ere are some !reat ways for narrowin! a a!ue re* sponse to !i e you a more direct. schedulin!. In +esponse to an 1pinion or 'elief -/ample I 'I don't think the meeting "ent ery "ell. . .6 6So . .he two main areas re!ard thou!hts and actions. -/ample I 61ur policy is to stand behind our shareholders. It's up to you. .6 65ou can si!n here. ..6 I. !i in! you the details of his position. < <5o" come*< =#road response9 . your .ust part of the standard check*up. but it doesn't do you much !ood.6 -/ample I 61ur company !uarantees you .his response makes him translate his position into a specific action.. .6 65ou can either follow us or !o out on your own.6 6-ow . I'd !i e you a full blood workup and x*rays as . So .6. . and employee relations. .

hese three do" .< <>hat do you mean$ you don't kno"*< =#road response9 AI . Let's: . <I don't kno" if I could.ecause: (e're pro!rammed to accept an explanation as alid if it follows this word. < Some responses will produce a more producti e response" <>hat$ specificallyC$ pre ents you*< <>hat "ould ha e to happen for you to #e a#le to*< <>hat "ould change if you did*< )o you see how specific responses narrow the answer3 :se this techni0ue whene er you want to clarify a broad or ambi!uous answer.< <>hy can't you*< =#road response9 <I don't kno".ust produces more of the same.<I . It's a positi e word that creates action.ust can't. LET THE TRUTH BE TOLD (hat simple words work better than any others3 . Askin! a broad 0uestion in response to a !eneral statement . I . the person feels more obli!ated to respond. In +esponse to a +eluctance to %ommit -/ample A <I don't kno" f I could.his word !enerates a !roup atmosphere and ini* tiates the bandwa!on effect. II. .ust don't$ all right*)< Some responses will produce a more producti e response" <6ompared "ith "hat*< <5o" poorly did it go*< If you ask for clarification.ust don4t kno"$ all right*B -/ample .

hese se enteen $in!ers will stun them into silence.ust the same. :se these words7#ecause$ let's$ and try7whene er you want to !ain information without soundin! accusatory or demandin!. If you're in a situation where you are unable to speak because the person keeps talkin! or inter* ruptin!. (e all lo e to try thin!s. so why attack3 #et's look at the benefits of usin! these words to !et to the truth.hey're all accusatory and likely to produce an automatic 6I didn't do it6 response. <Did you take fi e dollars from petty cash*< <>hy did you take fi e dollars from petty cash*< <Stop taking money from petty cash)< (hat do all these phrases ha e in common3 . A person will !et defensi e only if he feels he's under attack.hey play on two susceptible an!les of human na* ture7e!o and curiosity. 'ut you can't operate if you can't !et a word in ed!ewise.6 )o you see how kind this statement is3 It's easier to !et to the truth because no one feels like he has to defend himself.'ry: . the followin! are some !reat ways to !et the floor.he followin! sentence uses all three words in a construction that makes absolutely no sense. . yet seems like it should. . If you wanted to know if he took the money. . :se whiche er one.s< you feel are most appropriate for the sit* uation. 5et it seems to make sense . <Let's gi e it a try #ecause if it doesn't "ork "e can al( "ays go #ack to the "ay it "as. .he money that we take from petty cash3 #et's try to keep it fewer than ten dollars at a time. TAKING CONTROL -ow you're fully e0uipped to !et the truth from any situa * tion or con ersation. because it works out better that way. < %learly you ha en't introduced any reason for the per*son to take action. 6. simply say. so it instils a 6what's the harm6 mentality.his little word is a powerful moti ator because it implies that you will be unsuccessful.

6 6.his is the last time you'll hear this. 6#et me !et your opinion on somethin!.6 6I'm sorry if the middle of my sentence ran into the be!innin! of yours.6 FB.6 L.6 K.6 6)o you ha e a !ood memory3 9reat..6 A.F.. 6I hope this news doesn't upset you.6 G.6 J.6 6I hope this doesn't offend you. FH.. FK. 6Maybe you can help me with somethin!.6 It's easy to chan!e the con ersation when you be!in with the other person's last thou!hts. so let me . then you won't for!et this. FF. 65ou're the only person who would know the answer to this.6 FG. 6I don't want you to miss this.6 H. FJ. . 65ou're a smart person8 let me ask you a 0uestion. 6May I be the first person in your presence to finish a sentence36 I. 6'efore you say anythin! else. 6I'm sorry if the facts conflict with your opinion. but I would like to know .ust !et this out of the way. FA. but. 6)on't show your i!norance by interruptin!. FI.6 M.6 6Alon! those lines .6 6I want to !i e my full attention to what you're sayin!. . answer this 0uestion.. . 6I know that you would want me to ask you this.

(ashin!ton could not tell a lie.6 7MA + & . I can lie.P A R T MIND GAMES 'I am different from (ashin!ton. I ha e a hi!her.( A I - . but I won't. !rander standard of principle.

he focus of the re0uest is on discussin! it.he followin! is a techni0ue for cuttin! a suspicion off at the pass before it turns into deception. the boy's mother links confessin! to the truth with punishment.he followin! approaches are listed in order from worst to best. 4ere is a possible scenario" a parent suspects that her twel eyear* old son is smokin! ci!arettes.6 4owe er. . She is likely to be lied to. c. Such an approach will work sometimes. but unfortunately it is the most common. .his approach is a little better because the mother indicates that she has some type of proof or e idence.he child feels that the parent already knows he is smokin!. 1nce you' e been lied to. A STRONG DEFENCE& AVOIDING THE LIE As the sayin! !oes. 6I want to speak to you about your smokin!. the best defence is a !ood offence. the best time to deal with a lie is before it turns into one. .his is what I call a forward assumpti e approach.he first shows you how to a oid bein! lied to in the first place.he parent may !et a response such as 6I don't want to talk about it. 4owe er.his section !i es you two ery powerful tools. 64a e you been smokin! ci!arettes3 I'm !onna kill you if I find out you ha e. b. . you can easily !et to the truth with the techni0ues that you' e learned.his destroys any incenti e to confess. you will learn how to find out a person's true intention in any situation. a. %onfused3 . 65ou' e been smokin!. . ha en't you36 . .6 . Method % ..his may help. . In the second. .he child may not want to add lyin! to his al ready reprehensible act of smokin!. In her an!er. .6 .his approach is awful.his is the method you use when you want the truth as it relates to a person's pre ious beha iour.

.see part J<. 5ou know I'm not happy about that.the truth is re ealed in that statement. Assume your suspicion as fact. but I . then he won't be able to decei e you.6 . . H.ust want you to promise me that you won't drink alcohol until you're twenty*one. I.his method is used when you want the truth as it relates to a new decision.6 Second. 6I know all about the smokin! and the sneakin! around.hird. . the mother !i es her son an easy out.here's no threat or punishment. . d. . 1ftentimes someone wants to tell us the truth. G. . but it's easier to tell a lie instead. it uses two truisms .he person knows the answer you want to hear and will !i e it to you whether he belie es it or not. if he doesn't know what you want. +ead the followin! examples and notice how well the second phrasin! masks your true 0uestion. 4owe er.he re0uest should be easy for him to accept and sound reasonable.he phrases 6sneakin! around6 and 6you know I'm not happy about that6 set the tone for honesty.his is by far the finest approach because it works on so many le els. All he has to do is promise not to drink and he's home free. . Method 0 .he child hears two thin!s that he knows to be true" 4e was sneakin! around and his mother is unhappy about his smokin!. 2irst. 4ow would you like . State at least two truisms . it takes a forward assumpti e stance7 the parent 6knows all about the smokin!. > 6(e're restructurin! some positions. Switch the focus from a threat to a re0uest.facts that you both know to be true<. It is a simple but hi!hly effecti e strate!y to a oid bein! decei ed.he !uidelines to keep in mind for this procedure are as follows" F. 4e is therefore willin! to accept at face alue what follows. .ust honest statements followed by a deal that he belie es to be true as well.

o use this techni0ue. (ould you prefer to !et more experience in finance or marketin!36 > 6(ould you like me to cook for you toni!ht36 1r 6)o you feel like eatin! in or out toni!ht36 > 6I'm thinkin! of askin! +honda out. and the respondent will !i e you an honest answer. . . (hat do you think of her36 1r 6(hat do you think of +honda36 .ust make sure that when you phrase the 0uestion you mask your preference.to work directly under me in finance36 1r 6(e're mo in! some people around.

4owe er. 4er son's answer will re eal his commitment to !ettin! well. (hy3 'ecause the honest answer is yes for most of us7saints excluded. but rather if he or she is honest about it. If he's sincere he'll say yes.he followin! example illustrates a process that is becomin! ery popular in employee screenin! tests.his does not !i e Martha a true indication of her son's intentions. &nowin! that her son is addicted to cocaine. . whether he plans to do it or not. 'ut Martha has read this book and instead tells her son that he can mo e back in if he 0uits cold turkey7 ne er doin! another dru! whatsoe er. She could tell him that he can mo e back in only if he enrolls in a dru! rehabilitation pro!ram. .he !oal of this procedure is not to determine what the person is !uilty of.he employer's task is findin! those who are honest about it. and if he's lyin! he will also a!ree to her terms. how would you answer these 0uestions 3 5a e you e er stolen anything in your life* 5a e you e er run a red light* Do you ha e a friend "ho has e er shoplifted* 5a e you e er had thoughts of killing someone* Many of us would ha e to answer yes to most of these 0uestions. she is worried about whether he can actually clean up his act. she knows that he's lyin! about his intention to !et well. . if he says that he can't but will make strides toward !ettin! better.KNOW THY ENEMY& KNOWING THE LIAR AND HIS INTENTIONS . So if he indicates that he can. If you really wanted the .he 0uestions below are asked the prospecti e employee to determine if he is an honest person. 4e will probably a!ree to this. who has been away from home and li in! on the streets for the past two years. At least then you can deal with the situation with trust. #et's say that Martha's teena!e son. Stealin! a pack of !um when you were twel e years old doesn't make you a bad person or an undesirable employee. .ob. wants to come home. she will know that he is sincere in his pursuit of wellness. which is the real concern. And that is precisely the answer a prospecti e employer is lookin! for. 1b iously her son can hardly !et rid of his addiction instantly. .

you want to ask for the truth before he has a reason to lie to you. he is earnest in his desire to reach the specific ob. If he readily a!rees to it. 5our !reatest le era!e always comes from knowin! what kind of person you're dealin! with. 4owe er. of course7before you expressed an interest. .ecti e or outcome. If he acknowled!es the difficulty of your solution. propose a solution that you know is too difficult. (hy3 'ecause he may feel that it's in his best interest to lie to you. . . (hen you seek to !au!e a person's honesty and commitment.he time to ask the salesman about the 0uality of the product is not after you tell him that you're interested in buyin! it.herefore.?uick 'ip: /eople !enerally need a reason to lie. he has ulterior moti es and is not bein! truthful. had you asked him this7casually. there's no real incenti e for him not to tell the truth. If there's no reason7 no moti ation7then you'll likely !et the truth.

6 .P A R T 5 ADVANCED TECHNIQUES FOR GETTING THE TRUTH 6Enou!h white lies add up to manipulation.

7)A@ I ) J. #I E ' E + M A - .

.ust that7commands embedded in a sentence. 5ou don't want a fla!rant !esture or too lon! a pause. . . . .hese can be used in con. . because you're tellin! the mind to do somethin!. . 5ou set the command portion off by one of the followin!" . . and the embedded statement is recei ed by the unconscious mind as a command..G< Insert a short pause ri!ht before and then ri!ht after the command.his techni0ue is ery simple and has only two criteria. Embedded commands are .unction with both the attack se0uences and the sil er bullets.ust . .hese techni0ues are extraordinary. (hen you realiDe this is the right decision you'll tell me the truth anyway.F< #ower or raise the olume of your oice sli!htly while speakin! the command.his techni0ue is used to implant su!!estions directly into the unconscious. I don't want you to tell me unless you want to. .ust say it. 2or instance. . -ow if you think to yourself on the inside = "ant to tell you. .hrou!h this process you will be able to persuade others to tell the truth with maximum effecti eness. . . the entire command should be separated from the rest of the sentence usin! what is called an analo!ue marker. become fascinated . 2irst. So we mi!ht as well clear the air no".ecti e is to be casual and relaxed.ud!ment and cautionC EMBEDDED COMMANDS .he command7*tell the truth7!oes directly to the unconscious.his will only confuse the person and make him 0uestion what you're doin!. so use them with . If you want to tell the truth or not tell the truth$ that's entirely up to you. )3)2)1 . with what we're readin!. Second.o illustrate.rance*Scripts. . the embedded commands are italici$ed in the sentence below.he followin! is a !eneric example of how these would be used. for maximum effecti eness the command should start with an action erb.he embedded commands are in italics. .he ob.6 .his sentence is recei ed by the conscious mind in its entirety.his section offers the most ad anced techni0ues for !ettin! at the truth.H< 9esturin! with your hand while you are !i in! the command momentarily distracts the conscious mind. 6Sometimes we . you'll be able to !i e commands directly to a person's unconscious mind7in con ersation and without their awareness. :sin! a blend of hypnosis and a system I de eloped called .$ then .

he truthful statements can be about anythin!7the room you're in. #ook. 'y inte!ratin! externally erifiable statements with a specific su!!estion.he process is simple. .ect to accept your su!!estion. the brain will accept it as true. (e know about your past arrest for robbery. ='hink a#out the pos( si#ilities9 for yourself if you "ere to =go straight9. then three truthful statements followed by two su!!estions.he underscored phrases are the truthful statements and the italici$ed words are the su!!estions.. It works because when the brain recei es se eral messa!es that it re!isters as truthful. you want to !et out of here.his techni0ue uses embedded commands in an entirely new way. one truthful statement followed by four su!!estions. 5ou will be able to !i e a su!!estion that creates a percei able action so you can obser e the si!ns of deceit without continuin! to 0uestion him. UNCONSCIOUS CREATIONS . Scenario A police detecti e is seekin! a confession from a suspect. wonderin! what you should do. I know that you're probably scared and = "ant you to =kno" I'm on your side9 and I "ant you to =see the #enefits of telling the truth9. And you know that I don't ha e the time to sit with you all day. the weather. &ou ' I #e sa ing your( self a lot of heartache and you 'I #e a#le to =get on "ith your life "hen this thing is o er9. 5ou can also combine this techni0ue with embedded commands. then two truthful statement followed by three su!!estions. Eetting this of your chest may make you feel #etter. And that you !ot off with probation. I know you' e been around the street most of your life. As lon! as the su!!estion is not blatantly false.o#9 and =take #etter care of your family9. and finally. then it expects what follows7the su!!estion7to be truthful. (atch for the . As you're sittin! in the chair. 5ou make four truthful statements followed by one su!!estion. you're leadin! your sub.he su!!estions should be about what you want him or her to do. anythin! that the brain can't ar!ue with. 'his is your chance for afresh start. . . . you're probably wei!hin! your options. which are set off in parentheses. 5ou want to do what's best for you and that would be to 8tell me "hat hap( pened9.his techni0ue is phenomenal. &ou'll #e a#le to =get a respecta#le .

he process of disassociation is used with !reat success to treat phobias.his process !reatly alle iates the person's !uilt because he no lon!er feels obli!ated to . . F< (ith this techni0ue.ustify the actions that his 6old self6 was responsible for.hese simple phrases be!in to wear down his defences. <. DISASSOCIATION .< 6I don't know if you're lyin!. -o. -/amples 6I'm not sayin! that you should stifen up your #ody if you're lying. Sometimes they will work ri!ht away8 other times it may take a little while. It works by di idin! him into two separate people. < <&ou're a diferent person than you used to #e.his process helps the person become more comfortable with tellin! the truth.'< 6If you . you're embeddin! a command that you can readily obser e. . . continue to repeat phrases like the ones below. :nless you feel like #linking your eyes fast if you are. .ut I kno" you "ould ne er do that no". I'm sure that you 're e en more upset "ith the old you than I am. . Just be sure to follow the same procedure as with the embedded commands. . It's the old person who would lie ersus the new person who would ne er hurt you. like "hat you're reading . . . &ou are someone "ho is honest and trust"orthy.erhaps the old you "as capa#le of this. < . smile . .hey will usually occur at some point durin! your con ersation. and you will !et the truth. . no". not with a chain sawC 5ou're actually di idin! the psyche7settin! two parts of the person a!ainst each other. In your con ersation.ut you're not that person anymore. .beha iours that you embed in the sentences. . you may .< <&ou're only responsi#le for "ho you are today. EYE) ACCESSING CUES . . 'ut if he keeps hearin! such phrases o er and o er a!ain he will break. 1ffer as many as you want. Make sure that they contrast the old him and the new him.

5our eyes went up and to the ri!ht if you're left* handed. . (hy don't you try this3 )o you recall what colour your first car was3 If you had to think about it. your eyes went up and to the left. his eyes went up and to the left each and e ery time he was recallin! information7clearly a si!n that he was relayin! the facts as he remembered them. 2or ri!ht*handed people isual memories are accessed by the eyes !oin! up and to the left.. there's a !ood chance that if you're ri!ht*handed. (hen a certain !o ernment official testified before %on* !ress. 5ou can use this techni0ue in any con ersation to deter* mine if the person is creating or recalling information. he accesses different parts of his brain dependin! upon the information that is bein! accessed. his eyes !o up and to the ri!ht. And the re erse is true for the left*handed person. I thou!ht this until I happened to see a picture of him in 'ime ma!a$ine. 2or a left*handed person. (hen a person thinks. (hen a ri!ht* handed person seeks to create an ima!e or fact.his process can be obser ed by watchin! his eyes. it's the re erse" the eyes !o up and to the ri!ht. Sim* ply watch his eyes and you'll know whether he's recallin! an e ent that's already occurred or makin! up a story about somethin! that has ne er happened. holdin! a pen in his left hand. . not fabricatin! any stories.his techni0ue works on the followin! principle.

name. 4ere's how it's done. throu!h mistranslation.hat is. he may blink. sound. for example. (e're !oin! to use the same principle but employ it in an entirely new way. .hese are all anchors. (hat you're !oin! to do is to install a truth tell in others so you'll know when they're lyin! in any instance7now or in the future. /a lo noticed that the do!s be!an to sali ate when he merely walked into the room.ANCHORING THE TRUTH )o you recall /a lo 's famous do!s3 )urin! his experiments. 4e called this a psychic reflex or a conditioned reflex. anchor it with a specific mo ement. look down. fire off your truth anchor as you . . or mo e in a certain way. 1r a certain son! comes on the radio and you recall a friend you ha en't thou!ht about in years. (e can see examples of conditioned reflexes in our own li es. (hene er he's ner ous. . An anchor is an association between a specific set of feelin!s or an emotional state and some uni0ue stimulus7an ima!e. /rofessional card players learn to pick up on these tells. 'ut durin! the course of his work.hen when you ask a 0uestion you don't know the answer to. Ask a series of 0uestions that the person can answer truthfully and easily. he would put food powder in a do!'s mouth and measure the drops of sali a produced as a result by way of a tube sur!ically inserted into the do!'s mouth. It has come to be called. pro idin! them with an insi!ht into the person's hand. In poker there's somethin! called a tell.hat's when another player makes an unconscious !esture durin! a specific situation. a conditioned response. /erhaps the smell of odka makes you sick because you had a bad experience with it se eral years a!o. . (hen he answers. /a lo 's appearance become associated with a future e ent" food.his sali ation could not be a reflex since it did not occur the first few times /a lo walked in8 it occurred only when the do! had learned that /a lo 's appearance si!nalled food. taste. .

. and there is no set number of 0uestions you need to anchor. Make sure the 0uestions you ask will be answered truthfully. And the anchor should not be so common that it will become diluted by inad ertent use.ask the 0uestion. 4e'll unconsciously feel compelled to be truthful .he 0uestions don't ha e to be asked all at 1nce. 5ou don't want to be ob ious in your choice of anchors or in your choice of 0uestions.ust as /a lo 's do!s knew it was time to eat when /a lo entered the room. .

anchor it.he only way to alle iate this pain will be to tell the truth. HEAVEN AND HELL .he learned response will soon be so in!rained that any time you want the truth in response to a 0uestion. 4ypnosis can be used to treat phobias. . It is with hi!h hope and expectation that this and all of the other processes be practiced with . contrast it by usin! a different anchor linked to pleasant experiences7sexual arousal. If pain is linked to deceit and pleasure to the truth. confessin! becomes the only way to reduce the pain. . (hene er he feels disappointed or becomes upset. eatin!.ud!ment. relaxin!. except whene er somethin! painful or ne!ati e happens to this person7he ban!s his foot. . common sense. .ust ask your 0uestion and fire the anchor.hen ask your 0uestion and if it's not the response you want7 if you feel he's lyin!7 fire off the pain anchor. he !ets into ar!ument with a nei!hbour7 you anchor it. . and panic attacks. anxiety disorders. . . you mi!ht ask. 4e'll 0uickly associate lyin! to you with pain.o further increase the association. E ery so often reinforce the anchor by doin! this process7a 0uestion=anchor se0uence.oyin! your dinner36 2ire off the anchor as you ask the 0uestion8 you mi!ht tilt your head sli!htly to one side or touch your hand to your nose.his techni0ue should be used as a last resort.his techni0ue re erses the process to instil a phobia in which dishonesty creates o erwhelmin! anxiety. etc.2or example. and decency. (e use a process similar to anchorin! the truth. .hen ask a series of 0uestions7 maybe four or fi e7while continuin! to fire off the same anchor e ery time you ask your 0uestion. while your husband is eatin! his fa ourite food. 6Are you en.

to be able to put this behind us.his is called pacin!. . It really is. and I know you will too. .P 6It's all okay. #et's ha e an honest discussion. . (e all make mistakes.ust !o away.his can be extremely effecti e when done in the followin! way" After establishin! rapport with the other person.his ali!ns you psycholo!ically.hat we can mo e on.ust be o er with. I'm sure that you wish this entire con ersation wasn't takin! place ri!ht now. and that it could . I'd be happy.hen you lead his thinking by explainin! why the truth is the best route for him to take. he will follow. -/ample 6I know that you think you're not ready to tell me the truth. 5ou tell me exactly what happened and you'll know that it's the ri!ht thin! to do. 1nce you' e done this. . posture. (hen we consciously seek to !et in rapport with someone7to ali!n oursel es psycholo!ically7 we ali!n oursel es physically. or rate of speech.6 . Examples of this are matchin! a person's !estures. And if this process is done ri!ht. = can only tell you "hat it feels like to #e in mine. O. .In part G we touched briefly on the importance of rapport. and this is one that you wish would . you switch to what's called leadin!. you feed him e erythin! that he may be thinkin! about the con ersation. I understand. .hese statements accurately reflect his thinkin!. #et's do that because it makes sense for both of us. (hen we are in synch with another person our communication flows effortlessly. 'ut since I'm not.his phrase be!ins the lead. I'm sure that you think I'm !oin! to be upset with you and that we're !oin! to !et into a fi!ht o er it. I'm sure I would feel exactly as you do if I were in your position. Maybe I'm makin! a bi!!er deal out of it than it really warrants. 5ou may be thinkin! that there's no reason to tell me.

6(hat happens when you !et a thou!ht36 FI. 65ou can pretend anythin! and master it. . sayin! . 6. In other words.6 A. 6I understand what you're . 5ou may ha e to read them se eral times yourself because of the 6huh6 effect.ADVANCED CONVERSATION STOPPERS: TRANCE PHRASES . an example . . 64ow do you stop a thou!ht once you !et it36 FF. :se them when you need to !ain control of the con ersation or to re!roup. 6)o you really belie e what you thou!ht you knew36 H. 6(hy axe you a!reein! with what you already know36 FH. 6%ould you !i e me ..6 I. . isn't it36 L.6 J.. F. 6(hy would you belie e somethin! that's not true36 FG. it doesn't make it true.6 K.hey !i e you some time to collect your thou!hts while others lose their train of thou!ht. 65our response says what you're unaware of. they cause the listener to $one out temporarily while his brain tries to process the information. . would be helpful. .hese con ersation stoppers use phrases that are mild trance inducers. 6If you expected me to belie e that.he less you try the more you'll . you wouldn't ha e said it.6 M. 65our 0uestion is what you knew it would be. 6(hy are you askin! me what you don't know for sure36 G. . . 6)o you belie e that you knew what you thou!ht36 FB.

6Are you unaware of what you for!ot36 ..6 F..a!ree .

. o er the next few days she'll notice the !arba!e cans seem out of order8 the mailbox looks 6funny68 the car across the street looks suspicious.he power of expectation and su!!estion can be used with tremendous results. he will do the work for you. Maybe she's heard them a thousand times before. his mind may be ready to defend the assault. -ow they may mean somethin!.he key to usin! this techni0ue is to implant an artificial su!!estion and let it manifest inside the person's mind. she'll hear e ery creek and noise in the house. At ni!ht. 'ut when his own mind turns a!ainst itself. . (hile you could be relentless in your pursuit to !et the truth from someone.ust as effecti e.his techni0ue !ets the person to rethink her beha iour with or without your confrontin! her directly. 4a e you e er noticed what happens when you buy a new car3 Suddenly it seems like e eryone on the road is dri in! that same car. . but now she's listenin! to them. especially if two or more people make the same su!!estion. 1r if you're on a diet. If you were to tell a nei!hbour that there has been a rash of break*ins in the nei!hbourhood.his can be . alter how he sees it instead.SEE FOR YOURSELF . +eality has not chan!ed. e erywhere you turn is a bakery or ice*cream store. /lease note that this techni0ue may induce a temporary state of mild paranoia. . (hen you can't chan!e someone's reality to !et to the truth. only your perception of it has.

I think the whole office knows about the office supplies7ha e you e er noticed how they stare at you sometimes36 . Sample +uestion formation I: 6Samantha. and it will consume her attention until she stops. ha e you noticed that people seem to be lookin! at you a little funny36 5ou can be sure Samantha will 6see6 e eryone lookin! at her. Sample +uestion formation I: 6Samantha. . she will soon belie e that e eryone is 6on to her6 because she will see e eryone starin! at her.his formation is more direct and confrontational. 5ou'll notice that if Samantha is in fact stealin! office supplies.Scenario 5ou think that a co*worker has been stealin! office supplies.

%4 : + % 4 I # # . 1 .6 7(I .P A R T " PSYCHOLOGY ON YOUR SIDE 'Men stumble o er the truth from time to time.S . but most pick themsel es up and hurry off as if nothin! has happened.

command authority. .ust hurt e eryone6 won't sway anybody. (hen any or all of these beliefs are .6 5ou should offer specific benefits that appeal to the per* sons emotions. 6(hen you lie. and abo e all. I want to be able to trust you. -inety percent of the decisions we make are based on emotion.F< she feels that the situation is permanent8 . 5ou need to translate lo!ic and sensible thinkin! into an emotion*based statement7and !i e direct benefits for that person to come clean. meanin! that it's more si!nificant than it really is8 and . a mother speakin! to her child mi!ht try. TEN COMMANDMENTS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOUR F.ustify our actions. If you appeal to someone on a strictly lo!ical basis. If you're not !ettin! the truth. G. 'y understandin! how the brain processes information.G< she feels that it is critical. 4ow we deal with !ood and bad news depends on how it is internali$ed. predict someone else's response.In order to !et to the truth you need to know how to take control of a situation. you will be able to easily influence anyone to tell the truth. it hurts me.rustin! you means that you'll ha e more responsibility7 you'll be able to do more fun thin!s like ha e sleepo ers and !o to the pettin! $oo with your friends. phrases such as 64onesty is the best policy 6 or 6#ies . . that it will in ade and per ade other areas of her life. (e then use lo!ic to .he attack se0uences and sil er bullets are all emotionally char!ed. (hen a person becomes unusually de pressed about an e ent in her life. it's often because of three mental distortions" . 2or instance. debate. you will ha e little chance of persuadin! him. .H< that it is all* consumin!.hese ten commandments of human beha iour will help you to na i!ate the sometimes turbulent waters of con ersation and her twin sister.

it will dramatically increase her anxiety and despondency. .present and ele ated. be it positi e or ne!ati e. 'y artificially inflatin! or deflatin! these factors in the mind of another. %on ersely. it doesn't concern us at all. and insi!nificant. isolated. when we think of a problem as temporary. you can instantly alter their attitude toward any situation.

you can7his per related to his .H. (hen a person becomes his chan!e the one thin! that physiolo!y. emotional state is directly A son's adamant about position.

herefore the more timely the information.he more recent the information is. the way in which this new information is introduced is crucial. )on't ask someone to chan!e his mind without !i in! him additional information. . but in li!ht of the fact that Oa new bit of information to .6 as it were. you mi!ht say. (hen our body is in a fixed position. . I.his pre ents what is called mind*lock and makes it easier for him to chan!e his psycholo!ical position. allow him to make a new decision based on additional information.ustify him chan!in! his mindP. Many people see chan!in! their mind as a si!n of weakness. If he's sittin! down. 2or example. they say their 6position has e ol ed. If he !ets locked into a position of denial or refusal. If he's standin!. or appears to be. the more effecti e you will be. +emember that while you're talkin! to the person he listens with his e!o7and you must accommodate it.6 4owe er. /oliticians ha e a penchant for this because they ne er want to appear wishy*washy.physical state. I think you owe me an explanation. 4e's !i en up and you' e won. 6I can see why you said that then. he may not want to look foolish for not ha in! known about it. ha e him !et up and walk around the room. If you brin! up a fact that occurred some time a!o. !et him to mo e his body.hey rarely say that they' e chan!ed their mind on an issue7rather. . Sometimes you need to amplify the problem in order . So instead of askin! him to chan!e his mind. a fact that he was simply unaware of. . try to !et him to sit down. the more comfortable he will feel in re*e aluatin! his thinkin!. J. our mind can become similarly fro$en.

(ith my friend's consent.6 -eedless to say. . you are too upset to do anythin! but be an!ry. Stuart !ot o er his an!er fast. Some time a!o I was o er at a friend's house when his six*year*old announced that he was an!ry because he couldn't ha e ice cream for breakfast. Stuart. I said the followin! to his son" 65ou're ri!ht.to reach a solution. 5ou'll probably need to sit there for two whole hours until it passes.

you send the messa!e 6I'm shoutin! so you'll listen to me. A wa e of their hand.hey don't scream. .6 . . 9i e the other person an exa!!erated ersion of what he wants. If you say somethin! ten times. but they often feel how you su!!est they should feel. this habit became ery annoyin!. if his parent makes a bi! deal out of it. the doctor tells you what needs to be done. -otice the way people in authority7police. and if she thinks . . If you're told that you need x*rays and a cast. . If you're taken to the hospital with a broken le!. re ersin! your position entirely. . %ould you ima!ine if your doctor said.he child's thou!hts are. for example7take control of a situation. A.ake a look at three distinct examples of this influence at work in our e eryday life. then you !et x*rays and a cast. 4e would ask her not to. expect people to follow it and they will. but she insisted that it should be kept clean and or!ani$ed. (hen you !i e an order. yell. or carry on. (hen you shout. /eople do what you expect them to do.hey say thin!s once. 6Mom knows best. and directly. (hat do you think36 5ou expect him to tell you what the situation is and what needs to be done. 65ou know.he solution3 4e went out of his way to make a mess.here's no deliberation or ar!ument. you clearly don't expect them to listen to you. he will likely cry and become more upset. )o the same in con ersation. 9o the other direction. . 5ou aren't !i en options. I think your le! is broken. . A. (hen ar!uin! becomes futile.A friend of mine had a secretary who was constantly strai!htenin! up his office. E ery mornin! the office looked like a disaster area. She stopped tidyin! up soon afterward. -ot only will people often do what you expect them to do. and the traffic stops. -onetheless. She had been with him for o er fifteen years and he wasn't about to dismiss her o er this. stop.his will often cause him to retreat to more neutral !round. 2inally his secretary mentioned that she thou!ht he was takin! ad anta!e of her !ood nature by bein! such a slob. (hen a small child falls. and you're not asked for your opinion.he best way to !et a person's attention is to speak softly and directly.

(hen we ask a fa our of someone. you're askin! for more than a fa our. the more power you ha e.he well*known placebo effect can induce physiolo!ical chan!es such as lowerin! blood pressure or controllin! cholesterol le els.he best time to seek your confession is when he's tired. . (hen your options are limited.hus the more comfortable thin!s are. 4e won't be thinkin! clearly and will be lookin! to end the con ersation as soon as possible.his is true for all of us. K. . the less his incenti e is. If you want to be nice.he thinkin! is. . 5ou're only as stron! as your alternati es. If you percei e your power . you'll be apt to do what you ne er should do" make a decision out of fear.ry this on a co*worker and you'll notice a complete chan!e of body lan!ua!e. common sense dictates that we mi!ht want that person to be in a !ood mood.his is usually true. . watch her face to she how she really feels about it. %. hun!ry. if he's relaxed and feelin! !ood he's more likely to !i e us what we ask for. . your perspecti e is distorted8 your thinkin! is emotional. (hile she may deny the compliment. the facts look !rossly out of proportion. 5ou ha e to assume that it*7the truth7is somethin! that he doesn't want to !i e. L. thirsty. whate er. If your opponent senses desperation. try the con erse and tell someone she looks !reat. (hen this happens. (atch a smile appear and her eyes widen. . (ith no more than a su!ar pill. then he will.I hurt myself I must ha e. 5ou must be able to walk away. and the more attracti e your alternati es. but it doesn't always work when you ask for the truth. 1f course he's !oin! to be more a!itated and !rumpy.6 '. not lo!ical. you're sunk. if the only way he can become more comfortable is to tell you what you want. Someone says you look tired and your whole disposition chan!es. . a patient's body may react as if it were !i en the actual medication. (hen you're desperate. (hen you want someone to come clean with the facts. -onetheless.

and hence his le era!e. you !ain considerable le era!e. other people.he e0uation that determines the balance of le era!e is simple. . 1ne way to increase your power is to demonstrate that what your opponent has to offer7in this case. . It comes down to who needs who more. the truth7can be obtained throu!h other means 7in this case.here's a sayin! that the person who cares less.his decreases his power. 'y increasin! your alternati es and narrowin! the other person's options. wins. . .to be nonexistent you are likely to !i e in without !ood cause.

and arduous process. (hen it comes to doin! somethin! you en. e erythin! from waitin! on line at the supermarket to cleanin! the dishes afterwards would enter into the e0uation. Same e ent. FB. If you want to influence a person's beha iour. you need only stretch out the number of steps into a lon!. we do what's called single(tasking. E ery action human bein!s take is moti ated either out of a need to a oid pain or the desire to !ain pleasure7or a combination of the two. If you want to discoura!e a beha iour. you internali$e the steps in lar!er !roups. . I' e got to get all of the #ills together and organiDe them into diferent pilesG get out my chek#ook$ stamps$ and en elopesG address each letterG "rite out the checkG #alance the check#ookG and so on. 2or example. If someone's not bein! truthful with you. but dependin! upon how it's internali$ed.ell me the damn truth and . (hat you link pleasure and pain to determines how a person will respond. what's the thou!ht process you mi!ht !o throu!h3 5ou think. (hat does this all mean3 (ell. 65ou're a no*!ood liarC I knew you'd only cause me misery. It's important to know how human bein!s process information. borin!. you'll !enerate a completely different feelin! toward it. (hen we think about thin!s we don't want to do.oo often out of an!er or i!norance we lose si!ht of this powerful moti atin! tool. you're !oin! to show him that it's simple and easy. 2ine.oy doin!. we do what's called multitasking. !o the store and come home and make dinner. if you ha e to pay your bills but ne er feel like doin! it. . if you want to !i e someone a moti e to do somethin!. If you hated to cook. if you en.M. but what's the practical use of this3 (ell. (hen it comes to doin! what we like. the steps mi!ht be.oy cookin!. do you want to shout. you need to attach pain to the direction you don't want him to mo e in and pleasure to the direction you want him to mo e toward.

4owe er. that the sub. if you can.he sil er bullets are !ood examples of how to phrase your re0uest for the truth usin! the pleasure=pain principle. a crucial criterion needs to be met.he liar abo e all else wants to chan!e the con ersation. . . and put this behind him.his is somethin! that most people don't take into consideration. .he benefit should pro ide for an easy out. . it will be for!otten about.his is not an effecti e strate!y. It's a simple e0uation" if the benefit of bein! truthful outwei!hs the benefit of lyin!. and you both will be able to put this in the past. .then !et the hell out of my lifeC6 . you will !et the truth.ect will ne er a!ain be brou!ht up. mo e on. 5ou could offer him the !reatest incenti e for bein! truthful. (hen you outline the benefits make sure to include. but if he thinks a len!thy con ersation and constant reminders will follow. he's not !oin! to bud!e.

. for on Earth E eryone who li es.P A R T # INTERNAL TRUTH BLOCKERS& WE LIE LOUDEST WHEN WE LIE TO OURSELVES 61nce he finds out who he is.6 7 % A # ) E + 1)E #A 'A + % A . what can console him3 . li es in a dream. .

hey are compliments. (atch out for the three %s. . .ecti ity to !i e us perspecti e. 5ou must try to remain as ob.he !ood news is that bein! aware of these factors neutrali$es their power and lea es you free to examine the facts as they are. you often will not. (e all ha e a friend whose boyfriend comes home late e ery ni!ht from work. listen to what he doesn't want to hear. 1ur desire to belie e stron!ly influences what we see as our reality. se eral factors can interfere with and e en completely block your ability to detect deceit. and that is that. 1nly the exceptional person is willin! to look at what he doesn't want to see.he easiest person to lie to is someone who wants to be decei ed. from miracle wrinkle creams to !uaranteed wei!ht*loss pills. (hen you !o into a meetin! wantin! it to work out. the worst offenders are usually oursel es. . (ishful thinkin!. confirmation. and hope cannot allow you to lose si!ht of reality. /eople spend millions callin! MBB numbers to hear a recordin! of their lucky lottery numbers. smells like perfume.ecti e as possible7Sas if you were re iewin! the information for someone else. and is constantly takin! business trips on the weekend. . SELF ) DECEPTION .5ou ha e all the tools necessary to spot deceit and to ferret out the truth. . 4e's seen around town with women half his a!e. She accepts him at his word. And yes. (hile se eral factors can !et in the way of our !ettin! to the truth. desire. you'll o erlook too many thin!s that may make it a bad deal. 5et despite all of the e idence she refuses to see the truth. If you don't want to see the truth.he secret lies in learnin! how to suspend your interests. (e would like to belie e that we could make a thousand dollars an hour in our spare time workin! at home from the kitchen table. 4owe er. and . and belie e that which he wishes would not exist.here's no ob. And our desire n o t t o s e e filters out ital information that would often !i e us clues to disco erin! the truth. (hen we don't want to see the truth we'll lie to oursel es.hese lies are the tou!hest to spot because they are our own. there is an easy way to do this usually difficult task.

confrontation. the information is likely to be distorted. . If you're listenin! with any of these preconceptions in mind.

hen and only then can you see thin!s as they are. attitudes. beliefs. we can't look at e erythin! as if we were seein! it for the first time.S . 1 er two thousand years a!o.. . Similarly.A. if you're lookin! for praise.udices.In other words. Instead you see a pro. and opinions filter out the truth. All of our pre.I 1 . or lookin! for an ar!ument. not how you belie e them to be. we saw how our desire to see or not to see colours our perception of reality. 1/I . this belief will !reatly inhibit your ability to be ob. it becomes impossible to see what is there.ecti e about information that comes from someone in such a position. and pre.6 Emotional states are either self*induced.here are times. I . when it's itally important to suspend your beliefs. or arise from a combination of the two. you will miss the true meanin! behind the messa!e. lookin! to confirm that which you already know. (hat we # e l i e e to be true also distorts our perception. : )ES. if you belie e that all salesmen are thie es or that all police are corrupt. . Sometimes we need to !enerali$e about our world8 with literally thousands of decisions to make each day. curiosity. If you !rew up to respect and re ere authority and were tau!ht ne er to 0uestion an authority fi!ure.ection of your own ideals. A-) 'E#IE2S In the pre ious para!raphs. . intimidation. Some of the more powerful ones are" !uilt. appeal to e!o. beliefs. fear. howe er. Aristotle had this to say about emotion and distortion" 6:nder the influence of stron! feelin! we are easily decei ed.he coward under the influence of fear and the lo er under that of lo e ha e such illusions that the coward owin! to a triflin! resemblance thinks he sees an enemy and the lo er his belo ed. DON' T LET YOUR EMOTIONS GET THE BETTER OF YOU Stron! emotions cloud our perception of reality. externally brou!ht on.udices. our desire .

If you're operatin! in any of these states. .ud!ment is likely to be impaired. and lo e. your .to be liked.

In the process the truth !ets lost because you're not operatin! lo!ically and can't effecti ely see the e idence before you.ry it. 5ou know that deep down inside. .ust lose this entire deal. So did e erybody else. 4ow could I3 5ou'd be on to me in a second. I wouldn't lie to you. It mi!ht be fun. anyone who uses any of these is attemptin! to mo e you from lo!ic to emotion7to a playin! field that's not so le el. Some !eneric examples of how these manipulations sound are as follows" Euilt: 64ow can you e en say that3 I'm hurt that you wouldn't trust me. you only li e once.6 6uriosity: 6#ook.ust don't know who you are anymore. .his is !oin! to be a real disappointment if you don't come throu!h for us.hese internal truth blockers interfere with your ability to di!est the facts.6 Appeal to ego: 6I can see that you're a smart person. I wouldn't try to put anythin! past you.6 Hear: 65ou know.6 Desire to #e liked: 6I thou!ht you were a real player. 1f course I ha e only your best interest at heart. 5ou can always !o back to how thin!s were before. P A R T .2urthermore. I .ecti ely7not only at the words but at the messa!e. temporarily suspend your feelin!s and look in front of you. don't you36 #ook and listen ob. you mi!ht . 5ou're a fool if you think otherwise. I sure hope you know what you're doin!. excitin!7a real ad enture.6 Lo e: 6If you lo ed me you wouldn't 0uestion me. I don't think that's !oin! to make your boss ery happy. let alone wei!h it. (hen these emotions creep into your thinkin!. I'm tellin! you that you won't !et a better deal anywhere else. not inside yourself. .

8 EXTERNAL TRUTH BLOCKERS: TRICKS OF THE TRADE 6.he truth is the same from e ery an!le. A lie always needs to be facin! forward.6 7)A@ I ) J. #I E ' E + M A - .

:nlike internal truth blockers, which we brin! on oursel es, these truth blockers are done to us. .hese are the psycho* lo!ical secrets of the experts, the tricks of the trade7factors that can affect your ,ud!ment in ob,ecti ely e aluatin! in* formation. -o matter what area of life we're in, we're always sellin! somethin!. In business you're sellin! a product or ser ice. In your personal life you're sellin! yourself and your ideas. +e!ardless of the situation, the reason you don't succeed is always !oin! to be the same" the person doesn't belie e what you're sayin! is true. #et's say you're a real estate broker. Someone who is not in estin! with you may say 6I ha e to think about it6 or 6I ha e to talk to my wife.6 'ut really it all comes down to one thin!. If your prospect belie ed what you were sayin! was true7*that you would make him money7then he would in* est with you, wouldn't he3 Establishin! credibility is the key to influencin! the beha iour of others. (hen credibility can't be !ained throu!h the facts, distortion of the truth is what often follows. .hese techni0ues can be difficult to escape because they're based on psycholo!ical principles of human nature. .he !ood news is that these tactics are a lot like a ma!ic trick. 1nce you know how the trick is done, you can't be fooled.
RULE 1

(owC 5ou're Just #ike Me
(e all tend to like, trust, and subse0uently be influenced by people like oursel es. (e feel a sense of connection and understandin!. If you' e been to a casino recently, you may ha e noticed somethin! interestin! on e ery employee's name ta!. It looks a lot like this" Jim Smith @. /., Marketin! Atlanta, 9A

.he employee's hometown is ri!ht on the ta!. (hy3 'ecause it helps to create a bond with anyone who has li ed there or maybe has a relati e in that area. It in ariably starts a con ersation and the !ambler be!ins to feel connected with this person. Somethin! as innocuous as a name ta! has created instant rapport and possibly a loyal customer. 5ou may be thinkin! that this seems harmless enou!h, and you'd be ri!ht. (hat's the bi! deal, anyway3 (ell, if all that was affected by this psycholo!ical trait was name ta!s,

then we wouldn't ha e to worry. 'ut it's not. It's much more per asi e and far*reachin! than you could e er ima!ine. #istin! all the situations in which this rule could be used on you would fill a book on its own. .herefore, here are the three most popular ways that it infiltrates our li es.

F. (atch out when you're asked about your hobbies, hometown, alues, fa ourite foods, etc., only to be followed with the obli!atory 6Me too, what a coincidence.6 G. Another aspect of this rule is that if someone is nice to us, we not only like him more but are more likely to a!ree with him. )on't you know this to be true in your own life3 If he's a!reein! to e erythin! you say, whether or not it makes sense, watch out. .he phrase 6flattery will !et you nowhere6 couldn't be further from the truth.
A !reat little fable by Aesop illustrates this nicely. It's called 6.he 2ox and the %row.6 A fox spied a crow sittin! on a branch of a tall tree with a !olden piece of cheese in her beak. .he fox, who was both cle er and hun!ry, 0uickly thou!ht of a plan to !et the cheese away from the crow. /retendin! to notice the crow for the first time, the fox exclaimed, 6My, what a beautiful birdC I must say that is the most ele!ant black pluma!e I ha e e er seen. #ook how it shines in the sun. Simply ma!nificentC6

.he crow was flattered by all this talk about her feathers. She listened to e ery su!ary word that the fox spoke. .he fox continued" 6I must say that this is the most beautiful bird in the world. 'ut I wonder, can such a stunnin! bird ha e an e0ually splendid oice3 .hat,6 said the cunnin! fox, 6would be too much to ask.6 .he crow, belie in! the fox's words, opened her beak to let out an ear*piercin! c a " I As she did so, the cheese tumbled out of her mouth and was !obbled up instantly by the fox. .he moral" ne er trust a flatterer. )oes this mean that you should be wary of e ery sin!le compliment and always assume the one who compliments you has an ulterior moti e3 1f course not. Just be alert to praise that drips with insincerity. H. 2inally, remember our discussion about rapport in part G3 (ell, it can ,ust as easily be used on you. +apport creates trust. It allows the other to build a psycholo!ical brid!e to you. 5ou feel more comfortable and your !ullibility increases. .ake note if your mo ements, rate of speech, or tone are echoed by another.

RUL E

2

'eware the Stran!er 'earin! 9ifts
E er wonder why reli!ious !roups offer a flower or some other !ift in the airport3 .hey know that most people will feel compelled to !i e them a small donation. (e know we don't ha e to, but we can become uncomfortable, e en thou!h we didn't ask for the !ift in the first place. (hen someone !i es us somethin!, we often feel indebted to him. (hen you are presented with a re0uest, make sure that you're not actin! out of a sense of obli!ation. .his rule can take many forms7it's not limited to !ifts. 5ou could be offered information, a concession, or e en someone's time. )on't think that salespeople don't know that if they in est a lot of time with you, showin! you a product, demonstratin! how it works, you will feel somewhat obli!ated to buy it, e en if you're not sure that you really want it. .he key is to decide what's ri!ht independent of the other per*son's interest in your decision.

RUL E

3

It's 4alf /riceC 'ut 4alf of (hat3
.his principle states that facts are likely to be interpreted differently based upon the order in which they're presented. In other words, we compare and contrast. In an electronics store the salesperson mi!ht show you accessories to !o with your stereo system after you' e a!reed to buy it. Somehow the fifty*dollar carryin! case and a thirty*dollar warranty doesn't seem that much in the wake of an ei!ht*hundreddollar system. 'ecause he has shown you the costlier items first, your perspecti e shifts and the items seen afterwards are deemed more reasonable. A less*than*reputable used car salesman mi!ht show you se eral cars that are priced GB to HB percent hi!her than they should be. .hen he'll show you a car that's priced fairly and you'll think it's a !reat deal. .o you, it feels as if you're !ettin! more car for the money7what a bar!ainC (hen really you only think that because you're comparin! it to the other cars. 1ther examples of this principle are price markdowns. An item that's been reduced from TJBB to TGBB certainly seems like a better bar!ain than somethin! that sells for TFJB. .he contrast on the sale item makes it more attracti e, e en if it's not as nice as the item that sells for less. 6I know it's

In other words.ud!ment in order to satisfy and .6 5ou will eat food that you don't want because you ordered it.his is done in the hope that you can turn thin!s around so that you can be ri!ht. . . 5ou will watch a ideo that you really don't want to see because you went 6all the way to the ideo store in the rain to !et it. . Most of us ha e a stron! tendency to act in a manner consistent with our pre ious actions7e en if it's not a !ood idea. beliefs.his is done to clear the palate. . In some of the finer restaurants. e en if it means compromisin! present . their li es.he hi!her a person's self* esteem.expensi e.ust human nature.6 5ou continually try to 6make thin!s ri!ht.he ultimate example of this beha iour is the process of cult recruitin!. (e are compelled to be consistent in our words. 5ou may wonder how an intelli!ent and aware person could e er !et in ol ed in a cult7where the members !i e up family.his can best be accomplished by lettin! time pass between decisions and by independently determinin! the alue of the ob. (hen you ha e.oyed completely. !uests are treated to sorbet between courses. RULE Just )o .his 1ne #ittle . then you feel more compelled to .ect. watchin! the ideo that you went to !et makes !ettin! the ideo the smart thin! to do. which is from my book I n s t a n t A n a l y s i s $ deals with this phenomenon.ustify your pre ious actions so you can be 6ri!ht.ustify past beha iours.6 . the !reater the chance that he or she will make independent decisions. It's . a decision to make. . e en if you no lon!er feel like watchin! it. It has to do with the ability to make a decision independent of pre ious decisions. 5our primary concern is with bein! ri!ht. and in some ery sad instances. friends.he followin!.ustifyin! old actions with consistent beha iour. and actions. the less likely he or she will be to fall prey to a cult . so that each dish may be en.hin! for Me3 &now when to stick to your !uns and when not to. why not clear your mental palate3 . 2la ours from pre ious dishes won't mix with others. thou!ht. .o do this you need only consider each decision by itself. If you ha e a low or ne!ati e self*ima!e. possessions. And the hi!her a person's self*esteem. but look at what it used to sell for6 is the familiar retort.

Each new step of in ol ement forces the person to . or bi!!est seller doesn't make it ri!ht for you.o a oid others usin! this rule on you. (hen you make decisions. whom you ne er looked at twice. and to others.oin our cult and !i e up all of your possessions36 . .he method employed in cult recruitment is to in ol e the person slowly o er a period of time.ud!ment. the person sets you up for somethin! lar!er. . suddenly appears more attracti e when you're told that e ery woman is dyin! to date him. Essentially.hose who lack self*worth cannot afford to 0uestion their . RUL E 5 . by !ettin! you to a!ree to small. 'y a!reein! to the small re0uests. notice if your best interests are bein! ser ed or if you're simply tryin! to 6make ri!ht6 a pre ious beha iour.his re0uest is usually followed by a sli!htly !reater re0uest. worth.his rule can !reatly influence your decision*makin! process. e en in a small way. Just because you're told that somethin! is the latest. %herry red7the colour that the car salesman told you is the hottest seller of the season7suddenly becomes a must*ha e. that he's done some*thin! stupid. you . )o we think that somethin! is funnier if others are lau!hin!3 Absolutely. hottest. . . . #au!h tracks for tele ision comedy shows come courtesy of this principle as well. or intelli!ence. beware if you are asked to commit to somethin!.6 . best.he key to a oidin! the influence of this rule is to separate your le el of interest from other people's desire. 5our nei!hbour.ustify his or her pre ious beha iour.7primarily because a person with a positi e self*ima!e can admit to himself.he 'andwa!on Effect . .his is why cultists don't .his principle states that we ha e a tendency to see an action as appropriate if other people are doin! it.his psycholo!* ical trait in ades many areas of our life. seem* in!ly innocuous re0uests. 64ey. do you want to . .ust walk up to someone and say.ustify your beha iour by reali!nin! your thinkin! as follows" 6I must really care about this person or I wouldn't be helpin! him6 and 6I must really care about this cause or I wouldn't be doin! any of this. and o er time your sense of commitment is built up to the point where you feel locked into your decision.

ri!ht36 . no scarcity. except that the abuses of our ulnerability are fla!rant and rampant.he !uy behind the counter told me I would like it. %ompare the abo e sentence with the followin! one and see if you would be as apt to a!ree to the purchase" 6(e ha e a warehouse full of them. 6. he replied. 4a e you e er noticed what cosmetic salespeople in department stores wear3 #ab coatsC )oes this not seem odd3 (hy do they wear them3 'ecause it makes them look like experts. he reali$ed how silly he had been. we want what we can't ha e and want what is hard to obtain e en more.ust like it and no one wanted any of them3 RULE 8 . this is by far the most used and abused by retailers. .he impetus to act .RULE " A (hite #ab %oat )oesn't Make Anyone an Expert 1f all the psycholo!ical tools. 'ut if I did ha e one a ailable. It's a hu!e seller.his is fine. it is to be respected. In essence.his principle states that the harder somethin! is to ac0uire. (hen I asked what possessed him to rent it. .he key to a oid this rule bein! used on you is to ask yourself this 0uestion" would I still want it if there were a million .here's a better chance you would say yes when the possibility of attainment is at its lowest. that doesn't make him an expert. the !reater the alue we place on its attainment. you would want it. 6(e're probably out of stock on that item. +ecently my friend had told me that he had rented the absolute worst mo ie he had e er seen in his life. wearin! a lab coat. RULE # +are )oesn't Always Mean @aluable . and no desire.ust isn't there this time. (hat on earth does the !uy behind the counter know about my friend or his taste in mo ies3 Just because someone's behind a counter.6 As soon as he said this. And we are more likely to belie e what they ha e to say because they are percei ed as more credible. (e all remain to some de!ree 0uite susceptible to our earlier conditionin! re!ardin! authority7 mainly. -o ur!ency. or holdin! a clipboard. Should I write up the order now36 .

lon! way. (hat has he accomplished by this3 4e has !ained your complete confidence. only to be presented with a nice colour brochure outlinin! e erythin! that's . RULE ( I'm on 5our Side .his techni0ue is used to !ain credibility. It's priced sli!htly hi!her than your first choice. R U L E 1 ' #ook at (hat 5ou're 9ettin!. damned lies and statistics. 2or example. -ow you'll be inclined to trust anythin! he says.hey sell it for tax purposes.6 It ne er ceases to ama$e me . 4ow many of us listen to a salesman's pitch. 4e proceeds to tell you that while the consumer would ne er reali$e it. 6)oes this make sense36 A dash of common sense can !o a lon!. Just because someone points to a colour !raph as 6proof6 doesn't make e erythin! he's sayin! true. .here are three kinds of lies" lies. but he feels you should know somethin! first.rue 'en. . he manufactures a scenario to !ain your trust. but has no used materials inside. 4e's riskin! a sale to tell you somethin! that you'd ne er find out otherwise. -ot (hat 5ou're . this manufacturer sometimes uses recycled materials on the inside.ust made a new best friend who has only your best interest at heart. focus on the messa!e itself. let's say that you're in a mattress store and considerin! buyin! the Super )eluxe7a firm.6 1ften we don't stop and ask oursel es.A %olour /ie %hart )oesn't Make It . then uses this trust in a real*life situation.ust been said3 At what point did we come to belie e that the printin! press doesn't lie3 . top*of*theline bed. (hen it is done effecti ely.here's an old sayin! that !oes 6-obody e er sells a horse because it's a bad horse. )on't be swayed by the mode of the messa!e7 rather.amin )israeli put it best when he said.he salesman tells you that if you want it he'll order it for you.ust how easily swayed we become by some*thin! that 6looks6 official. At this point he shows you the Supreme )eluxe. 6. you would swear that you' e . 2or this rule.

ust an o erpriced pocket watch. the . 65ou'll pay when you !et it and when you're happy with it. . And he retired a millionaire. 4enry was an older man who went store to store sellin! pocket watches. 5ou feel that in contrast to the first re0uest. 4enry would walk into the shop and ask if anyone would like to buy a beautiful handcrafted crystal lamp.6 Since he had only one sample he would need to take orders. may follow. salespeople and shoppers alike. (hat he sold was the story. .ust about anythin! he wanted to about the watches. hundreds less than what one would expect to pay. A smaller fa our. re* ealin! beautiful sterlin! sil er pocket watches indi idually wrapped and protected./romised . look at e erythin! he had 6done6 for them so far. 4e did nothin! that was ille!al per se.his is when 4enry went to work. +emember 4enry the next time you make a decision based upon somethin! that has been promised.6 he would say. After all. but not de*li ered. 4e made the lamps himself and en.o a oid bein! decei ed. sold to them by a kind old man. R U L E I I (ell. (e are more likely to a!ree to a smaller re0uest if we're first presented with a lar!er one. 4enry also carried a lar!e box with a handle.he cost was only thirty*fi e dollars. . 4e dili!ently took down the names and addresses of each ea!er person and refused to accept any sort of deposit. 4e opened the box. %an 5ou at #east )o . 4e told his ea!er audience . . not what is promised. smilin!.oyed 6!i in! them away. -obody e er did !et a lamp7.here are three psycholo!ical moti ations at work" F.hey had no reason to doubt him or their alue. 4enry would sell the pocket watches to most of the nice folks who placed orders for his lamp. And in ar* iably someone at some point would ask what was in the box. . 4e has their trust and their confidence.his3 If you're asked to do a rather lar!e fa our for someone only to decline his re0uest for help. he was a peddler. 4enry had now established him*self as a trustin! person and one who had a beautiful product at a fantastic price.o those in the store. e aluate a person's inte!rity based upon what is bein! presented. 4ow did he become so wealthy sellin! pocket watches3 Mainly because he ne er sold the watch. beware. the one he really wants you to do.

he sales*man3 4e's smilin! all the way to the bank. And this small fa our is not !oin! to kill you. 6It may be a little pricey for you.erk. or form. 4ere's how those who understand this rule can use it a!ainst you. R U L E 1 2 I'll Show 5ou -obody wants to be pre. in any way. we ha e some less expensi e ones o er there.he salesman shows you where it is and adds. of course. G.his rule uses what is commonly referred to as re erse psycholo!y. .hat is to say.6 you think to yourself.6 6I'll show that . . head held hi!h. . and this seems like a fair compromise 5ou don't want to be percei ed as unreasonable. . H. shape. 'y implyin! what he 6thou!ht6 you could afford. . 5ou feel bad for not coinin! throu!h on his ori!inal fa our.smaller one is no bi! deal.6 5ou lea e mad with an expensi e purchase.ud!ed or ne!ati ely e aluated. 5ou walk into a clothin! store and ask to see a certain desi!ner sweater. he forced your e!o to pro e to him wron!. 6I'll buy this sweater and pro e that I can afford it. +efusin! the lar!e re0uest is one thin!. people dislike bein! thou!ht of as lesser.

. you will ne er be lied to a!ain. -ow that you' e !ained that extra ed!e. but now you'll be ready for them. you'll en. And with each new encounter. . in any situation.oy an unprecedented opportunity to use the most important secrets !o ernin! human beha iour for enhancin! and ad ancin! your business and personal relationships.CONCLUSION (hether it's business or personal matters7from casual con ersations to in*depth ne!otiations 7the techni0ues that you ha e learned will si!nificantly chan!e the way you re*late to the rest of the world.here will probably ne er be a way to stop people from tryin! to lie to you.