Relationship Changes....

In the walk of life I have hit to the conclusion that love can be pigeonhole int o three types past, present, and future love. Past love is when we are attached t o and in love with what was. The problem with past love is that it is all based in memory and not in current reality. Future love is based on our hopes and drea ms of what may be and also, this may not necessarily be reality at all. Present lo ve is the real deal and the only one that can actually bring you satisfaction. Ironically, while we can t go into a relationship expecting to change the other pe rson, we should go into a relationship expecting that he or she will change. The difference is the emphasis on who is implementing the change. We cannot make ou r partner change, but the forces of nature, as well as their own stimulus, will cause them to change. Their bodies will change. Their hormones will change. Thei r libido will change. Their weight may change. Their health may change. Their ph ysical appearance may change. Their friendships may change. Their careers may ch ange. Their hobbies may change. Their levels of confidence and self-esteem may c hange. Their minds may even change. So what is it exactly that we expect to stay the same? Then there is the marriage or relationship itself, which will change as a separa te entity from either partner. Frequency of date nights may change. Level of finan cial comfort may change. Houses and communities may change. Time available for r ecreation may change. Family support may change. Number of family members will c hange. Children will change the marriage. The loss of family members will change the dynamics. Skills for problem solving and communication may change. The way you spend your time together and how much time you spend together may change. So wha t is it exactly that we expect to stay the same? The love is probably what we want to stay the same, but even the expression and experience of love changes. While the core essence of true love is unchanging, a s it filters through our egos it appears to change over time. In my experience, love doesn t go away, but it does get blocked with ego; so our experience of it eb bs and flows. Love can deepen over time, moving from infatuation and becoming mo re secure. Love can be more passionate or less passionate. Love can be condition al or unconditional. Love can be expressed or withheld. Love can be given and no t received. The intensity of the love in a relationship can wax and wane, as can the level of intimacy. If we want to be successful in our relationships and in our lives, we have to become comfortable with change both managing it when it happ ens and creating it when it is needed. Ultimately, you will probably find yourself more at peace in the relationship if you expect change, and just as you learn more and more about yourself over time , enjoy the process of discovering more about your husband each day. Rather than trying to recognize some semblance of who he used to be, see if you can fine-tu ne your ability to see and love who he is now.