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Signifier of Hardmind Philosophy
Mission Semiotics: A Signifier of Hardmind Philosophy...3 Neoteric Manumission Revolution...4 Salutation...4 Time...5 Manumittance...8 Begin...9 Chaos The Struggling Genius...10 Solitude...10 Living DIYing...11 Quotes/Stars/Chaos: heisted from T.A.Z....12 Nature Manipulation...13 Hierarchy...13 Ongoing...14 Trees...14 Assumption in response to the six basic assumptions of human science...15 Material Activism...17 Define...17 Election...18 Concern from the Citizenship of the United States...19 Aged Art...19 Work...20 Musical Science...22 Imaginary Numbers...22 Terms...23 Tool...23 Humanity Hope...24 Hate...25 Know Self Alone...26 Brotherhood...27 Persistence of Resistance...27
Feeling youDarling...29 Completely Outside...30 Crying for Pursuit...30 Relational Foreshadowing...31 Happiness...31 Spirit Ipiphany...33 Bible...33 Legos Design...34 Gargantuan...35 Neopalabra...36 Animal Maker...38 Esoteric Submission Days...39 An Unhealthy History...40 Summation...40 Summation Too...41 Vive LaElfrois...42 Again...42 Earth’s Brain...43
Copyright © 2010 micah |||| americanhardmind
Mission Semiotics A Signifier of Hardmind Philosophy It all began about seven years ago but I’ve always been. As a youngster I was told I had exceptional ability. One instance I remember was a story, “The Molasses Mouse”, which won an award when pitted against my peers. And I’m often reminded of a story about a pair of sneakers that could make you fly. I was also a speller in bees and have loved words ever since. Where this verbal path leads I don’t know, for I haven’t analyzed it and am rather new. But it starts here, with hopelessness. I’ve always wanted a piece where changes wouldn’t have to be made to my past because they’re not where the future leads. I’ve covered mystery, controversy and, on my part, convoluted and apperceived notions of self. They’re a part of a creation process rather than a faultless, logical theory. Mission Semiotics was a first step away from institutionalized, human thought and pattern. It’s mostly feelings and was begun once I left my true home and began the search for a fictional final goal – an esoteric submission. While I’m uncertain about the larger places these beginning philosophical ideas have in thought-word as an end, parts return and some are forgotten later. All I can posit is the symbolism I began with was staunch, only to get stauncher, complex, and far beyond the categorization I cared to lay out in the contents as a precursor to finality. The trick to it all – I’m a medium and anthropod, and to understand means taking small steps through an arduous, fantastical, stratum of words.
Neoteric Manumission Sending forth from the hand to free from slavery is where all journeys begin and is the starting point for a hardmind. Revolution Revolution. Avoidance of similarity, repression, destruction of civil liberty. Control must not be imperialized, authorized. Every man and woman has the capability of achieving power when the path traveled is unobstructed by oppression. We all see how it should be, suggest how it should be, feel the better. Structure must be retained in all civilized human groups, but individuals do not remain more powerful than others unless in terms of physical and mental individual advantage. Modern leaders control individuality by inheriting well-established boundaries divided into classification. Little is earned rather than inherited due to racial and class affiliation. In order to extinguish such affiliations, groups perceived as "lower" or "middle" must use organization to overcome the individual with historical support and convinced peers. Only a limited number is necessary, but they must also be convinced. Peacekeepers such as police, federal agents, and military will become involved. They have been "seduced" by the system and will follow order in order to retain comfort and stability, but have yet to be informed of the benefit of a universal and objective means of survival, meaning socialist and communistic goals and rewards for society. The ideologue of survival of the fittest, the most powerful is power, must be diminished in order to supply the whole of humanity with consistent and equal survival. It is a loss of popular identity with equilibrium identity taking its place. Knowing what is essential to live simple, happy, and in touch with the biological life that surrounds us. Salutation Birth is the beginning. The beginning of breath, beats, and brain power. The end of independence. The death of free thought, not even a start. The beginning of a search for neoteric manumission. Modern freedom, a new search for truth set forth from the hand. A simple analogy can extend meaning to a theory of endless possibility. It may start with a scratch. A blemish and imperfection on a virtually untarnished surface. Seeing it for the first time, the scratch demands a second look, but not without questions following. How did it get there? Was this event an accident or etched purposefully? If it was no accident, who or what could have created it? Should I mend it, hide it and pretend it never existed or add to it and create more? The scratch will never be forgotten, and will be mended only so it may again reappear. Free the undefined. The ultimate goal of so many, but so few understand, and yet know not it can exist because of the complex, dependent nature of the idea. Thus, the ultimate and possibly only freedom is death. A frontier of space and time prevented by fear and experienced by none who are free to speak of it. Free from the material pseudo-wealth of house, clothing, and image – those that exist only to satisfy a desire for comfort and belonging. Free from order used only to secure the materials of powers that attempt to exist harmoniously, extra-terrestrially, and micro-naturally. Free from feelings of pain, embarrassment, stress, envy, and happiness – emotions creating and causing mindful expeditions through social landscapes. Free from creation and the wishful thought of 4
creation again returning to a spirit living now only through the memories of others. Free from theory, fact, and principle attempting to explain the spatial and temporal position of a non-existent life in the known and unknown universe. Free from the grasps of hands that sweep dust across life's surface, filling in the scratches. Life is not death. Although it appears there are systems of control encapsulating all open fields of view, the appearance is a perception and the thought an interpretation. Whether man- or universally-made based on chemical and electromagnetic energy or integrative mental and physiological properties of the organism, we fit together. As determined as most humans are to be different from others, there is still an ever-lingering feeling suggesting we either conform or vacate a system. Yet that same feeling, determined by the systems we consciously or unconsciously recognize, reclaims creative control over us. Freedom begins to fade, thoughts suffocate, inspiration expires, and living loses. Life is death – perfect, smooth, and absent of scratches. Birth begins with a scratch. So what does freedom have to do with choice, free will, or determinism? Let's not think about it in these terms. For conversation's sake, let's say our lives are determined based upon a system. A human's life takes paths chosen by others outside and by their own choices to situations momentarily affected by decision. Determinism is based on a series of actions which have already occurred in some spacetime conglomerate. Whether a god or a physicist has determined this to be true, both explanations exist within one human's interpretation, for only humans have thought of our world in either term. That is, until we can ask a talking dog. Where the self exists following complete death of the mind and body. Only that which exists after the mind and body cease to function within our common universe will be experienced. It is at this point the lifetime of faith and belief, or lack of belief, in a superhuman entity will take hold. But the question still arises, is there any other part of the human beyond the mind and body that is only known in death? What freedom? As a living human it appears and is perceived there is always a system of control. Time
“Oh, but what to do, what to do,” I said to myself, standing over the blank face into which I stared. “This couldn’t be my desperate attempt at a conversational narrative with myself, could it?” Indeed it was, but not an easy attempt. Too many distractions, too many things to think about. I wasn’t really worried about anything, I just didn’t know what to do about time. For reference’s sake and because this is how my mind thinks, present time is 18:31:48 on the 30th of october, ad 2005. That moment is gone and past. We now have this moment and the entirety of moments left in what is inevitably called life. Forever to be called a single word in which so many will understand. The way in which I think about my life are by no means entirely my own, but is my struggle to remain who I am supposed to be or are. “Suddenly I begin see more of a closed narrative.” 5
“This is just the way I am,” I tell myself again. Either way, it doesn’t flow. And when I don’t flow, the only thing left is me. And I’m taken back to the same question again. The same moment, recurring with no beginning or end. Me or I? My life, my time, and no words or thoughts to replace my absence of an answer. But it goes on, the feeling goes on quiet and empty and a little discouraging because I can’t choose. I fill time with work and play, regrets and promises. One day I’m alone, inside my own head, hearing the world around me. But am I listening? I come back to the same place – our world. We all know something, feel something, are everything. Except this time – and you might understand it too. “And it begins again.” Now, understanding how I feel begins with how the word “normal” makes you feel compared to yourself. Well, ask yourself. (Breathe in…breathe out…deep.) Similar thoughts left me with simple answers to complex questions. Today everything seemed to freely flow into me, from the smallest, most minute objects to the largest entities. The feeling was something not so easy to handle and even more difficult to understand. I knew I couldn’t completely manage everything, but I did try. I began to build a connection between small and large. In other words, some people swing one way, some swing the other and some go both. I was always given two choices and also myself. I still have the same number of choices³ but I don’t have you. Almost everyone around was listening to the Dalai Lama speak... “We are connected to many energies throughout our lives, some never leave. If looked for and understood, they are shared equally in the mind and body. Anything smaller won’t say more and anything larger never stops talking. Air, food, sunlight, gravity, inertia, soul, spirit, and so on, are part of our cognitive life, as is the earth or any other body which we are a part of. We live in the earth’s ‘mind’ just as much as the earth lives in ours. We realize we are not as balanced as we assume to be, but forces keep us in check. The product of the forces is only something you know if you have it. Otherwise, it is safe to assume the others are fine with and without you.” He spoke eloquently though his speech was not completely clear. Right from the beginning we knew we could like him, but why did it happen here? What he was trying to say? He was rather funny and had an entire-body laugh. As far as I understood of him before that moment were his relationships to Tibet, China, Buddhism, and spirituality. I was rather overwhelmed by the experience, but only discovered his influence right now. He hasn’t led me to join or change myself in any way, but rather to change in all ways and recognize other’s ways. Not just other people, but to everything else included in cosmology, physics, neuroscience and psychology, as well as spirituality versus religion. He appeared so simple, yet I still had to fight off my prior judgments of him. I have a feeling as if I had passed over him before in the search for myself and never really gave him a second thought. I had even felt my anger at his wearing of a watch. I don’t where/wear a watch and felt it as part of spirituality similar to his. Of course, I do pay attention to time versus space whether it is milliseconds, hours, years, seasons or existence. I just find it in other places. Should I search or should I know? Actually, I am getting rather good at estimating/guessing. Let’s just say this is my epic. It is an entire journey based on an agonist and substance searching for a solution to a very old question while pursued by the antagonist. 6
When did the gesture of I/pointing at the body when speaking of myself get left out of simple verb/noun phrases? Better yet, when did it become part of them? The Greeks used to speak in verb/noun phrases, understanding a word known presently as “antagonist” simply as antagonizesthai: ant meaning ‘against’ and agonizesthai meaning ‘struggle’, which comes from agon ‘contest’. Everyone’s lives contain a similar story, experienced and understood in a different way. The idea, if understood and accepted, could be one of the greatest ever told. Just take the time. Though, this is not the way to begin. It is never the way to begin. It is a story based upon humankind, as unique an organism as any. We are people. I see groups of people, people I know, people that are, and people I can know. I do say I know. But I don’t understand the depths of their relationships with people I know. It is a third dynamic I cannot fully understand. It isn’t even our infamous 4th dimension. So the question is, can I know anyone if I know enough about them to understand? Not if-then, can-if. Understand? Neither do I but humankind is teaching me. Or should I say my directed attempt to sense it. One way to look at it is this: Every core perception is formed by a combination of senses. Senses are transduced and influenced by physical and mental energy. Senses are understood by all humankind for if a human did not have a sense, they would not be alive. All matter and energy sense or are sensed. The core perceptions are judgments, questions, concepts – physical interactions between internal and external body space resulting in mental connections common to all humans. Basically, they are thoughts not completely controlled and contained by the mind and body. The connections can be known and experienced or unknown and experienced, but they are sensed similarly. This is similar to a famous triad previously mentioned. It can be a continuous circular structure with infinite space or three distinctly-punctured holes in a condom after a nice romp. It can be observed as a cone or donut and warpage or spacetime. It exists in a fingernail, marble, or bit. The idea is as old as the serpent that would shed life for a new one and eat the remains. It is an ideology, myth or theory integrating what is known about the physical universe, humankind and their result of which is me. And two others, damn you. Everything remains unknown but at least nothing is known and understood and because I live I know its existence is yet to be. Time keeps ticking, but only if you where a watch. So where are we in space? Does it matter? Well, of course it is matter, or at least closely related - ha, ha. Space and matter coalesce in all senses of the word. They exist in one continuous fabric and are defined by very specific physical laws. They also have another very important relationship. Matter and space’s origin in time is very specific and early, arriving as memories do. An example of their type of relationship exists in most love relationships. Take any two people, man and woman, man and man, or woman and woman. Essentially the dynamics are two very complete bodies existing within very close proximity of each other for extended periods of time. Imagine if the amount of time spent together was as infinite as you know your life to be infinitely. 7
Body space is all the known space relative to the physiological or natural aspects of your sense and core perception. Perception is derived from perceive which in Latin is percipere ‘seize, understand,’ taken from per- ‘entirely’ and capere ‘take’. Awareness, for example, arrived later in modern human history derived from Germanic origin ware, ‘object of care’, or the Scots ware ‘cautiousness’. Body space is sensed through physical receptions on the body and core perceptions created through mutual understanding or mutual information 1. We just proved one point of mutual understanding. Now that we know our internal body space understands, we can together know our external body space. This may have been a good mental exercise to keep my core perception understanding my internal body space while not entirely controlled by sense. Manumittance He knew so I must: nature substrate – 1 : a substance or layer which underlies something 2 : the base on which a plant or animal lives symbiotic – 1 : close coexistence and interaction of two different organisms, usually to the advantage of both 2 : mutually advantageous association phenomenology – the science of a phenomenon (fact or situation that is observed to exist or happen, esp, one whose cause is in question) as distinct from that of the nature of being ontology – branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being metaphysics – the branch of philosophy that deals with the first principles of things, including abstract concepts such as being, knowing, substance, cause, identity, time and space. feeling idiosyncratic – 1 : the temperament or mental constitution peculiar to a person or group 2 : any personal peculiarity, mannerism, etc. chaos entropy – n. lack of order or predictability; degree of disorder or randomness in the system material dada – n. 20th century movement in art mocking social and political conventions, emphasizing the illogical and absurd surrealism – 20 century avant garde movement in art to release creative potential of the unconscious; irrational juxtaposition spirit eschatology – part of theology concerned with death, judgment and final destiny of soul humankind antinomian – Christians are released by grace from the obligation of observing the moral law; literally anti “opposite” nomos “law”
See Buracas and Albright, 1999. Gauging sensory representations in the brain.
hermeneutic – a method or theory of interpretation; esp. Bible or literary texts antimony – contradiction between two beliefs or conclusions that are in themselves reasonable; a paradox Begin
Here is an idea about neomission. Maybe neomission and esomission are tools to select or choose who you are. They are similar to life and death, action/non-action. But the comparison does not include doctrine. Between them, as the “and” and “/” are nature, spirit, feeling, material and chaos. Nature is best understood as “us” – you and I. Spirit is me in body and mind. Feeling is when I am alone looking out. Material is my self, only cutting a slice to make it my own. Chaos is the you who cannot know _____ as a collection of experiences, connections, emotions, creations, and senses. Chaos is the point of meeting where everything big and small revolve back to the point where what is next can only be described as formless. We only can sense/perceive it is there. To get there we must do, be, have, and know an act of physical and mental integration out of randomness. Neoteric manumission is several ideas.
Even point zero of freedom is unknown as a radically subjectified object.
The Struggling Genius I want to tell you a story. It starts with my own confusion and contains most words people find hard to understand. My story begins at birth and ends when I reach this point. I guess I can say it is already ending but only beginning for you, the reader. Today is the last day of the 2005 Thanksgiving weekend in New York City. It is Sunday and tomorrow is the beginning of another week, another drive to become something. All my life I have had a lingering feeling if I didn’t complete a commitment I would be disappointing all the who love me. The words I mentioned above smother my sentences, leaving so much ambiguity about the way I actually feel. “Focus, focus.” Focus is the one quality I don’t possess. Mind floats around from place to place. Voices not only in my head, but from the other room interrupt a continuous thought. Sure, I love to feel potential oozing from my eyes and ears but the skin I’m wearing is making me hot, making me lose focus. “Don’t you want skin? Really, you don’t have any sort of theme. It isn’t a myth. It’s really just about you.” But I know I’m interesting, or just as interesting and thoughtful as the next great. Some are historical fiction, some textbooks and myths, and some just feel complete. The last reason is why, though it has been done before. I have been on earth before, but I’m no reincarnation. The skin is still making me hot. I’m going to take it off, put on a different kind and hope I pick up something more meaningful along the way. Be right back. “Now you’re skinless. How sexy!” Yes, yes, I’m sexy, aren’t I? The last few months have been the most difficult for me. I’ve pondered everything from god and time to opium and fish. I never know where it’s going, never know what is coming next, and never really try to guess. The problem is things just seem to be getting more boring. I’m getting more boring. Fortunately, trying to rely on everything that makes up who I am means little violence or horror. There will be no monsters, murder, or imaginary situations, though fiction is working itself out as some autobiographical sketch. Character will be what I know and as much as I know of it. A light-hearted breath takes hold of me. I feel what I need to feel. I’m thinking, I’m inside myself and it is so comfortable. I free myself when I explore. Solitude How can I feel alone right now? I can’t because of technology and digital airwaves. There is too much control on all communicative levels. It brings down the lonely. I want to cry with solitude. Being isolated is the only state we are supposed to belong to and pain while experiencing. We have developed personalities in order to cater to egoistic being. We MUST make ourselves happy. It is a matter of need and not of best interest for all. Need for one, for individual. Sullen is right but alone is still floating with so many others.
Happiness can exist in life - counter-acceptance to previous feelings only stated in order to fall back into the nether understanding of life; the negative, the truth if you may. Who's to say a song doesn't sound good when it has never been sung? Who is to say life is not lived if it is not their life? Even in the darkest afternoon, once the sun has fallen behind mountains and buildings, and we return to our lives of hatred and despair, smiles still arise from the saddest heart. It is in these moments, passing as we blink and breathe, the deepest and most passionate feelings exist. Some want a smile, some want tears, some a celebration, but in all of its beauty, the feeling of knowing how you are supposed to feel, of what you feel, finding a place in such a huge undiscovered and unknown giant is the peak of happiness and eventual failure. Fear is a word, death is a word, life is a word, we is a word. But I can be made into more, into just this, just what may be happening as we speak. It is seeing a courtyard of trees, empty but still full of life and future and hope. It is the absence of such disturbance bringing tears to a heart that understands the need for communal understanding of a time in which we all live. Are we to understand life as a day to day process of eating and drinking, or as a mysterious spiritual journey through the lives of many – human, insect, plant, light, air, water, matter? Where do we stop guessing and start listening? It is not possible to stop or life stops with it. Living DIYing Another long day, bringing only the end-of-the-day head pains. It is only time for a deep breath, to sink in to the evening, away from outside life. Slowly revolving my head, I feel the deep tissue pains caused by unchangeable postures, four-hour think sessions, and the uncontrollable need to disappear from responsibility. The sunset never set because the shade of movement and busy bodies reduced it to minutes. It is there I find myself lost, in the movement of the people, the motion of relative bodies, all useless in their steps towards death. Often, I still linger superficially outside my peace of mind. And too often I give in to the world that smothers me and I cannot get out of the tightly wound blanket, exhausted by trying to get away. Even my strongest and most disciplined moments find me very little comfort. Moments pass with me, constantly thinking about the tears falling from my eyes, other moments of false happiness are exactly those, incomplete inside my mind but offering the comic knowledge of ignorant bliss. There is no longer joy in simplicity and no longer purity of action in love, friendship, or thought. It becomes transparent in endeavor, observed simply by all and not by one, the vital one. What is this feeling? A moment on the timeline of life may pinpoint it. A song with an emotional tone and a flow of despair may incite the feeling. It may not even be a feeling, it is a thought but nonetheless a moment in time that causes fear, fear of the next moment, of the day when the last breath from your lungs will swell. It feels like the theme to every broken heart, every second thought and all the past memories never fully explained. It is death, but death during life. It is the gentle caress along your spine when you know no one is there. When the room behind you is empty, filled with darkness, filled with thoughts that exit from inside. Where do these thoughts go, who is thinking the same thoughts, how many at the moment, at the time, are missing the same thought, searching for the same tear to wipe from their cheek? So easily I succumb to the tasteless, meaningless, directionless proceedings of life. Each step out of the warmth is a step in to someone else's cold, desolate world. How far can we stray before the waterfall sends us over the edge, in to the flow, 11
following the path surrounded only by boundaries on both sides? It is understood now how it can be felt as liberation of the soul, touching the depth of individual, but is a point never really reached. Ideas come and go so readily, as if the thoughts we think are only sounds generated by our larynx and our mind is absent from the lexicon developed through years of experience and exposure to love and life. Can the tears begin to flow now? Can the moment be created when the comfort of self-embrace is the only safety we have? We should only do what we have to do, be only as good as asked of us and only for survival otherwise it should be at our demand. While the word selfish sounds familiar in this context, it is only the word itself that creates a stigma, circular around another word, guilt. Quotes/Stars/Chaos: heisted from T.A.Z. These resonated with as I slowly traversed the pages and consumed their starch. Unseen Chaos (po-te-kitea) Unpossessed, Unpassing Chaos of utter darkness Untouched and untouchable - Maori Chant, Neither Being nor Non-being neither air not earth nor space: what was enclosed? where? under whose protection? What was water, deep, unfathomable? Neither death nor immortality, day not nightbut ONE breathed by itself with no wind. Nothing else. Darkness swathed in darkness, unmanifest water. The ONE, hidden by void, felt the generation of heat, came into being as desire, first seed of Mind… Was there and up or down? There were casters of seed, there were powers: energy underneath, impulse above, But who knows for sure? - Rg Veda, bc 5000
Nature The first level of order resides in the false perception of life through differentiation. Manipulation I choose to be a strict body in the governing of how the CNS is controlled by the increasing manipulation of the brain. We must continue studying for the sake of knowledge and learning rather than the enhancement of performance. The contribution to continued growth of current life through breakthrough is vital when compared to using current disease for knowledge of making other lives destructible and efficient. “We first fought the heathens in the name of religion, then communism, and now in the name of drugs and terrorism. Our excuses for global domination are constantly changing... ”2 There is a day in which we all declare a vow of silence because there are no others that will understand what we think, what we know, what we assume to exist as. Is it worth the time of constant living to explain? How does science fail mother earth if it is a constant process and has never established itself as the answer to how life moves? Faith is important, spirit is vital, and these can never be explained through definition. Hierarchy There are so many moments when I need to choose to change, to make a difference or affect a life. I need to make them aware of what they are missing, of what they choose to not be a part of. I suppose it is myself I become disappointed in, rather than the lives around me. It becomes a struggle within myself to become a complete colleague of nature, of mother nature. It is a struggle to convince others of our very limited placement in phylogenetic history which contributes to our nurture as living. We are a simple combination of animal and physical law, another object of matter, more a feature than an environmental scene described. Before we concern ourselves with power we need to inform others of the power of physical law and how it governs our lives rather than letting the individuals who feel superior above us do it. We all need to be reminded of how equal we are as physical specimens, capable of physically competing with every other culture – militarily, lawfully, or politically oppositional. It must be reminded to the caring and neutral of the mass, amount is greater than the limit of power. Several "unhappy", or poor, make one unity strong and influential. A group of biased politicians cannot control a mass of tearful emotional lemmings with issues damaging their existence in a common world. Passion assumes to be more unexplainable than constant emotion. When it drives you to change life, it can be an immense change, consequential in its action. Desire for more is invading of normal, for those who have a realization of nature and life on all biological levels. Everyone doesn't understand the way everyone else thinks. There are so many misunderstandings and not any one way to explain how it should be.
I found it on the CD jacket of a band called System of a Down.
Ongoing How long is ongoing? And what it ongoing? Life? Pain? Each breath that will deliver us to our final glimpse of the universe in which chance and coincidence allowed us to live as energy in an organismic form? Is the universe our "god"? The universe as a whole seems to guide the action of all energy lying within its boundaries, which are the boundaries of the infinitesimal. Rather than imagining a creator magnitudes greater is size and presence, it is the minute particles that create and destroy each other, causing a chain interaction spanning all physical entities to the outermost layers of space and time's beginnings. We stay in the trajectory of this path, but once lost, the particles again become random, soon to be attracted by universally physical forces to the strongest attractor. The ability to retain "thought" is lost, or gained in another form of matter but completely different from historical presence. The odds of the same composition of matter in particles and energy forming the same or a similar patterned combination are beyond the possibility of the space and time available to one very limited planet in a mass of stars and galaxies. It is possible to live forever if we did not create their own death by succumbing to life’s excesses, not optimal for continuous living. There comes point at which the body, made of calcium, protein, and blood (and a conundrum of smaller chemical composites), cannot retain the energy stored within it. One portion of the body outlasts and overdrives the other portions. This is where nature, the universe of matter, and our "perfection" failed. They are the terms dealt with on an emotion level, far down the list of necessary particulars our matter is concerned to deal with. Trees What if trees could talk? What would they say? I guess it all depends on where they reside, just like us. But can we assume their needs are the same as ours. Would one tree say "oh, you should see where I am rooted, Madison and 51st!" Or another tree saying, "I have such a great plot right in front of the Orpheum on 3rd". Maybe the one on the corner of 72nd and 3rd would say, "how lonely I am, no one near, and no shade at anytime of the day. I like sun, but not an overdose". I wonder. Is conversation their only means of activity? Through day and night they are kept in the same place, no movement, not excursion, just the environment they see or feel. In the courtyard at 425 E. 25th St. they insist on ogling the teenage and college students of Hunter College. How lucky they are to have such natural human beauty. But the temptation to penetrate such minds is useless. For what would a human female of such stature have to do with a tree? ”Hardly do they come over just to feel my bark. They just don't know what nature concerns. And I wave at them with my 10,000 leaves. Tell me there is a human male who has so many fingers to caress such a beautiful body. No, all I receive is the piss of sad little canines that cannot reach more than a meter high. My sensation doesn't begin there. I need a twentysomething female to climb my branches, if you know what I mean. She just needs to rub her warmth on me. I am cold. And then the snow comes and all the leaves fall off. A skinny little twerp. It is sad, yes, but spring comes and I am ripe again, ready to bud. I am the tree on 10th St. and 3rd Ave. NYU is a haven for ignorant vagina. Whoops, am I not supposed to use such terminology, sorry. Ok, there are attractive, special, women 14
walking by everyday. They walk out of the bookstore, reading Foucault, Marx, Zerzan, and all the Times Bestsellers. I can't even read. I rest here, my roots running deep and full of history. But can one of them ask me what I have seen, heard or felt. No! Oh, the stories I could tell and the attention I would get.” Assumption in response to the six basic assumptions of human science... Nature is orderly. There is a recognizable regularity and order in the natural world. Change is patterned and, therefore, can be understood. Nature is the term used for all empirically observable objects, conditions, and events that exist independent of human intervention. Nature is orderly, to an extent. If science could explain every pattern of the micro and macro world, then solutions of the largest and smallest questions could be determined. This is not the case. While a large percent of the natural world is discovered and explained, there remains a cap on the amount of knowledge uncovered by science, or any other area in search of understanding. Take for example the smallest particle free floating within our own atmosphere on earth. Names have been given to the core of the atom and to subatomic particles, but their exact function and origin beyond the composition of all matter is unknown, though manipulated and exploited. And the concept of creation itself is explained through concepts such as god, universe, big bang, infinity, nature and so on, but not one is conclusive enough to declare a resolution and most likely it never will. Of course the human world could not function as it does presently if every inhabitant spent time searching for a pattern and order of nature to bring comfort through predictability. If the time of death is known and if there were afterlife, life on earth could be changed. But it isn’t known and humans can only trust what’s chosen as belief. Nature does thrive on change, but change can exhibit very random behaviors. Human beings are a part of nature, and the world they have created for themselves (unlike, say, the world an ant or singularity has created) is subject to natural laws. Of course these laws, explained through concepts such as evolution, intelligent design, theory of the mind, systems theory, or information theory, are not entirely defined and especially not in reference to every possible human action or human-nature interaction. Spirituality, free will, gravity, and love have general understanding to most people, but remain random and unpredictable. One person cannot estimate another person’s actions moment-to-moment, though larger scale actions can be predicted, such as lunch, heart rate, church attendance, childbirth, or death. While the list of objects, conditions, and events is infinite because not every action can be predicted by one individual, there are infinite amounts of information that can be. What keeps nature more chaotic than orderly – though it is argued chaos may exhibit predictable patterns – is the infinite possibility of change. Humans can know nature. Human beings are just as much a part of nature as any other object, condition, or event. The human mind is capable of knowing not only nature but also itself and the minds of others. Knowledge is based on experience. If science is to help us understand the real world, it must be empirical; that is, it must rely on our perception, experience, and observations. Contradiction is one of the primary qualities scientists fear the most. When an experimentally-sound observation is opposite to a wellrationalized theory, science has taken a step back. Science is based upon logical assumptions tested using the scientific method. 15
Nature cannot exist independent of humans because humans are natural, their inventions are created because of an understanding of nature, and even those things we deem “unnatural” are created from emulations of natural substances. Unfortunately, there are limitations in our mind. We cannot comprehend god or the universe as a whole. We cannot even know the entirety of nature and all of it intricate systems. The lack of ability means while some people know more than others, one human being only knows their “definites” within nature, not nature’s infinites. It’s similar to living in a hometown, say Albuquerque, and knowing every street address and how to get there and then moving to New York City and not knowing any locations. New York City is larger, more populated, has more streets and you are unfamiliar. It may take time to learn, but you can never know it as well as Albuquerque. What you do know is that both Albuquerque and New York are cities and cities have many similar features. So, can human beings know nature, or only know many features of nature? They still haven’t visited every part of Albuquerque or New York City, and can’t really expect to. All natural phenomenon have natural causes. The scientific approach opposes fundamentalist religion as well as spiritualism and magic. Science does remain very hopeful, even more so than the fatalistic aspects of religion. Science allows for more than one answer and the faith it may actually exist or can within one person’s nature. Religion is near the opposite. Doctrines state to be eternal one must fulfill rules, laws, commandments and, only once fulfilled will a person be able to go beyond the laws of nature and hence, religion. But who is to say that once fulfillment occurs, new laws will not hinder our eternity? It is imperative to remind scientists spiritualism and magic, while not visible and hard to define with the other senses, are products of the human mind, and hence are products of nature. This is one area in which science must open itself to and never oppose, for science is first, as mentioned above, a field of empirical observations of objects, conditions and events. I would consider religion, spirit and magic as an object, condition or event. There is no room is science for opposition when the goal is for all nature to be understood. Nothing is self-evident. Claims for truth must be demonstrated objectively. Scientists cannot rely on tradition, subjective beliefs, and cultural norms to verify scientific knowledge. Does this mean that nothing is all a person can really know without proof or explanation? Any scientist who believes science is objective is as fundamentally obsessed with purity as is the fundamentalist religion they oppose. Every tool used in science has a subjective forbearance beginning with simple rational observations in ancient Greece, to telescopic experiments by Galileo Galilei to the particle accelerators of today attempting to uncover quantum mechanics. To observe, or pay attention to any specific area of nature is to make a judgment and decision against another and this signifies subjectivity. Traditions, subjective beliefs, and cultural norms helped to craft science, and as a naughty step-child now grown up, science aims to neglect its adopted guardians. Science is by no means the end-all and be-all for demonstrations of truth and cannot overextend its reach into human nature.
Material Once a location is discovered within order a label is placed upon what was once unknown. Activism Slavery, equal voting rights, feminism, class discrimination, de-forestation. These, among the other numerous causes an activist may relate to are only the tip of a very large, slowly diminishing iceberg. It can said activism has not the energy it once had in the United States, but the separation of parties still exists in one form or the other and it undoubtedly exists within the states of our union. Activism is the "policy or action of using vigorous campaigning to bring about political or social change". The key term within this definition is "vigorous". Many want change, like change, and many more would like change to affect their political or social lives in order to make it better. Unfortunately many will not act with vigor, will not push for change, and will not drive themselves to start the change. What constitutes vigorous campaigning and why do we need it? Throughout the history of modern civilization the development and progression of social groups was brought on by passionate and patriotic devotion to a cause. Change occurred because likeminded and spirited masses gathered, not fearing death, only inequality. The individual purpose of our greatest lives has been to make everyone equal, accounted for, and respected. The power is trying persuaded is none other than brother or sister. Yet the campaign is still held down, looked upon as deviant, that is, unless the numbers overpower the few. But today's struggle cannot be changed with just numbers, it must be changed with ideas. So many of those at the top of every scale believe blindly in a god, in a higher power which has helped them achieve the status they embrace. Yet, they live by the rules they continually abolish. There is no room for evolution in their minds, but they use survival of the fittest as the creed, or excuse, for why they admittedly do not respect those of lower classes. Define It might seem silly to give definition but a frame of reference is always useful even if not agreed upon or understood by all. The frame of this reference is within concepts that have fallen prey to the normality of minute venture: cognition (-ive) – n. the mental action or process of acquiring knowledge and understanding through thought, experience and the senses. a result of this; a perception, sensation, notion or intuition. origin late middle english: from latin cognito(n-), from cognoscere ‘get to know’ religion – n. the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, esp. a personal God or gods: ideas about the relationship between science and religion. 17
details or belief as taught or discussed: when the school first opened they taught only religion, Italian, and mathematics. origin middle English (originally in the sense ‘life under monastic vows’: from old French, or from latin religio(n-) ‘obligation, bond, reverence,’ perhaps based on latin religare ‘to bind’. spirit (-uality) – n. 1 the nonphysical part of person that is the seat of emotions and character; the soul: we seek a harmony between body and spirit. such a part regarded as a person’s true self and as capable of surviving physical death or separation. archaic a highly refined substance or fluid thought to govern vital phenomena. origin middle english: from anglo-norman french, from latin spiritus ‘breath, spirit,’ from spirare ‘breathe.’ time – n. 1 the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole: travel through space and time / one of the greatest wits of all time. origin old english tima, of germanic origin; related to tide , which it superseded in temporal senses. The earliest of the current verb senses (dating back from late middle english) is ‘do (something) at a particular moment.’ space – n. 1 a continuous area or expanse that is free, available, or unoccupied: a table took up much of the space / we shall all be living together in a small space. the physical universe beyond the earth’s atmosphere. the near-vacuum extending between the planets and stars, containing small amounts of gas and dust. mathematics a mathematical concept generally regarded as a set of points having some specified structure. origin middle english: shortening of old french espace, from latin spatium. Current verb senses date from the late 17th cent. existence – n. the fact or state of living or having objective reality: the plane was the oldest boeing remaining in existence / the need to acknowledge the existence of a problem. continued survival a way of living any of a person’s supposed current , future or past lives on this earth archaic a being or entity all that exists origin late middle english: from old french, or late latin existentia, from latin existere ‘come into being,’ from ex- ‘out’ + sistere ‘take a stand.’ Election This is the election of life. The next four years will be the true turning point from child to adult, from pupil to teacher. Living in a country that has sloped downhill the last four years and thus developed the mentality of present, the next four years will attract life 18
in support or betrayal of the truth that lies inside. It is no longer a matter of trust but a matter of faith and rationale. It believes in a change, in something different, in someone who promises evolution of present failures. While one speaks of faith, spirit, and emotion, the other speaks of America, intelligence and emotion. When one gets lost in power and currency, one gets lost in complexity and indecisiveness. But do indecisiveness and objectivity mean the same thing? They may, depending on the principle of the individual. When one cannot speak clearly and articulately, how can those who have clarity of mind understand anything beside impulse? The decision is not only in the next representative of our country, it is the lifestyle the Americans will live with for the next four years. It will allow the opportunity to achieve dreams or escape to another space on earth in order to achieve the ideals rooted in historical mind. Developing through nostalgia creates values and morals serving those principles. Concern from the Citizenship of the United States What exactly occurs between bipartisan deliberation over issues of policy and social conflict? What is the extent in which issues are discussed? Is it just a media-friendly conversation to discuss the "general" differences between a "supposed" conservative and liberal outlook, or do the specific social and moral issues become a topic of heated debate? And why are there not third party views involved in such a process? Doesn't a trinity offer a different observation of the two debates as well as their own view of the process of policy and civility in human nature? Democrats are in a fight against a "value system", one incorporated with religious and biblical values, and global aspirations that can shape American culture and tradition indefinitely. The neoconservative mentality embraces deceit and persuasion with monetary gain as its primary objective. Because earth has evolved as a capitalist civilization, money and the attainment of power has become the goal of modern statute. It is debatable whether or not neocons have an extensive knowledge of historic and biological events directly related to Homo sapien life, but their direct ignorance and avoidance of such scientific and philosophical evidence as support for their governing of political and societal issues for selective decisiveness supporting JudeoChristian values assists in the skewed interpretation of common humanist values most adaptive to modern morals. This being a suggestion, opposite partisan actions fare not much better. I don't know if I can continue right now. I feel heavy headed. And I don't know if I like it or not. Motor skills have become less accurate and efficient, and sensory systems involved with cognitive and mental constructs such as emotion and memory seems to be confused. And I also sound like artificial intelligence. This is not what he wanted for me. Aged Art I’m one who has to worry about purchases and interests. They are so conscientious of what form of art they incorporate themselves with they cannot enjoy everything that includes their emotions. It is a matter of placement. It’s easy to see the difference between the generations of now and the generations of then. As life has worsened, the fight to change this negativity has increased. Every form of art present exists to show the disappointment and disgust with present action. It sounds negative because trying to articulately describe the present and the invasion of nature is 19
being conducted by elder generations of today. There is nothing negative about today's artists. They’re one of the only powers against ultimate and final change in a world the young can’t control. But the young are our future. If they know this is not the way, what constitutes elders to regulate a future in which they will not reside in? Nothing, so let go. While some music sounds so good at a certain age, as people mature forget the musicians not evolving to the same extent change. The music they make is good for the time being but the pace at which life moves doesn't allow for constant growth together. Everyone moves at their own pace. Values change, morals change, age changes. Time changes everyone. Oppression soon changes to fame and success. Very few embrace what they knew before because money, greed, and fame take the message they retained before. As soon as they are known, the message lessens. Work The simplest way to put the feelings I have toward country, culture, humans and the world is hate. But I don’t hate, I’m just disappointed with the commitments never suggested but always assumed. I could never put these words into a tale, into a story everyone could understand because no one would understand and assume the morpheme behind every phoneme. It is easier to sit and think, especially when life is easier than it should be. The reason why focus is limited to time, small amounts of time is because interest must be kept. When you are not keeping interest, you are fulfilling missing time. No one works at a pace above and beyond others. USA and western culture wanted to make life easier for them so they continued to create, to make life simpler, and in process, survival for oneself was left behind for a market of trading and economy. It became easier to govern progress, demanding goods, selling without these goods, and gaining capital from service. Once this process established a continuum of constant action and could support itself with very little labor, leisure became the single most important interest of humans in western culture. Self-sufficiency becomes extinct. Hobby is now television, radio, dining, camping, fishing, athletics, art, and reading - all excesses in a modern world with very little need for survival if one has common sense. It is surprising how many don’t have that sense. As long as "work" comes in specific forms, life can live in comfort with little effort. Take college and Mao Tse-tung, for instance. According to Mao Zedong, a frog says while stuck at the bottom of a well, "The sky is no bigger than the mouth of the well." That’s untrue, for the sky is not just the size of the mouth of the well, which is similar to the life college is teaching. If the frog said, "A part of the sky is the size of the mouth of the well," that would be true. What is the truth? If the frog only sees this, what can lead it to believe there is anything beyond this observation? Nothing, and for a human with so much access, supposed insight, and superiority over the world, it should not be an issue to be dealt with. But it is. Either you embrace such an idea as a communist, or you form disparate thinking, dividing individuals into categories of less and more in all characteristics of the human persona, and what does not coincide, forms discrimination. It is a natural reaction to those different, even though we all "appear" similar. When a human is physically different from every other species and can conquer each one, there is nothing else to turn toward but one another. Conquer all and destroy everything. Life can only be successful when superiority, not community succeeds. This is not what USAn colleges teach and creates little comfort. There are too many individuals that feel the oppression of life in western culture and in USA. Some turn this complexity toward themselves, some toward parents, but rarely 20
is it ever turned toward the summation of all aspects of nature and nurture. While we are all aware of each factor, there is little to change any of influence. The most vital understanding must include the redemption of the individual, for they are only trying to uncover the truth that lies in their growth as a human and cannot blame them for anything other than allowing the extrinsic influence to alter their behavior. If this influence grows to a level out of control, the root of singular evolution begins an easily adapted persona controlling each and all realistic characteristics of ever-changing life, from physical organism to self. While this is a task incorporating much practice and conscious behavior, over variable amounts of time it is possible to prevent oneself from performing certain tasks not conducive to suggestive survival as most optimum in an oppressive world of self. A human has to remember the basic physiological goal is reproduction and all else exists as production perpetuating a dilemma to death. I don't assume to know what is intelligent and what will offer truth. I know because I’m made to and the "walk" will become much more difficult if I step onto the "Keep off the Grass" lawn. No one wants to lose even though they don't know what might be lost. They feel as if it their responsibility not to lose. It is never theirs to lose in the first place. There are so many times I feel out of this little bubble, the boundary of intellectual acceptance. There seems to exist a circle of knowledge with those who feel they have done work: worked harder and made more detailed observances of life and nature. It’s assumed everyone follows. Sure, there are several driven, intelligent, guided and introspective minds trying to make a living by pretending they have a definite answer to the ailments of human nature, but it isn’t true. I know less of the progressive knowledge that infiltrates our academic system, but I know variability and keep mind open to systems. Can anyone say one answer, one finding, or one result is any better than another? Reproduction is the staple but coincidence plays an effect in a universe of odds. When do I let go and see where I can go. It is slowly building, slowly becoming the "right time", but not soon enough. Eventual is always a solid answer to any question of time. Articulation is not an answer to those who have lived through hard work and necessity. The one issue generating much debate is culture and extreme variations that exist from one to the next. No one is the same and this is only the first problem. The human genome has been mapped, but only in quantitative value not qualitative substance. Determination of happy and sad or Alzheimer’s disease from cancer or male- and femalespecific personality differences is unknown. It sounds like a major achievement to decode the nucleotide bases of human, and there are so many other factors involved in the contraction and survival of bacteria and viruses in our body beyond micro-causes. The extrinsic environment will only contribute and degrade these findings. Therapy and medication is an extrinsically administered medication with intrinsic implications based on microbiological evidence. Those who study a micro level can never consider the larger scope and those that study the larger scope – societal, cultural, and phylogenetic evidence – will never be able to complete the conglomerate for a conclusive solution. Due to so many phenotypic differences contributed to by factors such as nutrition, exercise, sensory input, and absolute denial from several types of humans, the solution becomes a more difficult task that changes as time and civilization changes. Methods become more technical and minute, not better than methods which existed throughout the historical description of scientific disciplines such as biology, psychology, chemistry, physics, and engineering. Our specializations become more selective and careless explanations become major focuses of 21
study simply because they offer time consumption. Everything becomes useful even though a hierarchy has formed in theory, with several explanations more concretely established than others. Academia becomes a matter of acute or chronic, short- or long-term "satisfaction", though arousing necessity sounds like the proper classification for the culture undertow of work. Musical Science Real fans are those who sit at home, listening to the masterpiece, not able to attend the concert because the music is the only part of art that matters. Some believe in music as a guide, and the artists believe music is a public spectacle charged at a cost not concerned with purity, only ego and healthy living. Nothing is wrong with that but don't expect your true fans, the ones who come for the moment absent of the history and the philosophy of your mind, to attend. We all live with remorse. There is an issue about musical science has ruined or at least failed the modern earth. Science has not been allowed to test music’s pure, truthful reasoning on earth because of political regulation and religious zealotry. The objective empiricism science offers is beyond levels of religion, policy, and hope. Music is constant and consistent and managed to create progressive, modern assets of great wealth to several types of individuals such as record sales for bands who intimidate and pretend they go unsupported by such means. They need to retain avant gardeism and criticisms of systems while remaining open-minded to their own support. I know of no other area of concentration or study that has developed such wonderful invention and theory and been so ultimately suppressed because of its necessity for never-ending knowledge. If the earth became controlled by ill-mannered, pacifist thinkers, the world may develop into a near utopia. But in its place we have policy, power, greed and Empire. We are all forcibly conceded to such blasphemous infidelity of true human progression. But do I speak of music or science? Sometimes in time and space a frequency of relative tone speaks to your heart and says everything needed on behalf of your soul. What does this mean? In the now at this point in spatial environment, the individual site on a continuous and infinite line as each moment arrives and passes traveling down a line and only relying on memory for the moment, has just finished. Tones of every frequency and amplitude, pitch and loudness are joined together in beautiful harmonies as a conglomerate of sine waves creating meaning in life, speaking in familiar context and lexicon, evoking emotion and truth about an individual's awareness of themselves, and enveloping the world enveloping them. All life operates in systems and each of these systems operates as one larger machine, but a selfserving, conscious machine with needs in forms of energy on micro and macro levels, and continuously striving to attain balance in a willed mindfuck of ideology, selflessness, and condescension. Each system necessitates one individual based in a series of matter-driven arrangements, controlled by inertial forces drawing all energy toward the center, but not the end, only another beginning of an exuberant orchestrated ensemble. Imaginary Numbers I feel the darkness, the depth of hopelessness, the absence of life, and only the progression of negative. Many choose to belief in existence by forming a façade of confidence about them, but the world evolves at a pace beyond individual recognition. By 22
assuming control of will it is assumed the energy perceived is imaginary. It is too obvious to assume fabrication of fact, but there is still hesitance in underlying facts proven only by materials relative to this planet. The only scope of exploration allowed is self. Beyond, it is free for interpretation based on universal laws derived from mathematical equation. Numbers began as a language to describe simple quantified measures and became a language of complex algorithms and structures. Whether or not this language reveals instructional principles about humanity remains unknown and can still be criticized for its subjective origination within a human species rather than on cosmic levels beyond individual understanding. It is always simple to explain theoretical models to explain concepts, those only understood by disciplined scholars and only for the purpose of security and not pure reason. Terms What is it that drives a feeble, fresh mind to inhumane heights? blank slate...tabla rasa...existentialism...cosmic liason...revolution...emotional minutae...communism...nuclear fission...particle hydrodynamics...natural selection...meteorlogical circumstance...physiological nostalgia...spacetime continuum...limbic loneliness...quantum foam… Tool Why are you? It isn't easy avoiding power; so uncontrollable, out of touch, and inconsiderate enough to be swallowed by every moment of time in every minutiae of space. So tell me, how do you get away? Has fame and fortune bailed you out of a society unwilling to change? Life’s much easier when you’re living less of what you preach. But you never wanted to preach. That’s what you condemn, right? Can’t tell others what to do but can offer the truth. I hear rumor and cannot believe the nonsense of truth. I don’t believe, hope, or have faith, especially in those most believable and trustworthy. Many live through their creations. I assure you must, it’s access to the minds of lessthans. Some have believed and some still do. Will their beliefs become even more lost in an abstract, deep longing for loneliness? Will you offer a solution to all? None can understand the convolutions without more representation. But if not, then be well, be eccentric, and unfortunately humanity will lose out on the voice of revolution. If you can understand I’m prepositioning you. This is not all that needs to be stated. The statement must penetrate deeper, it must hurt more, it must pressure harder. With every utterance, every bit of context ordered into meaning, it must pummel with more pain. The reasons: it is needed and there aren’t better solutions. Realism can’t be selfish though it is. There shouldn’t be a beggar amongst us, just instigation, intensity for the pure, and salvation for the most real. No escape through secrecy, exclusivity, and solitude. The simple way out is not simple according to physical law. Morality is ingrained in the vast connectivity of our neocortex, the advantage of man over all other animal. Systems work within the cosmic to revolve inert energies, all presuppositions for the unknown. You knew this or you wouldn’t be tool.
Humanity To relieve the tension of conceptual maximization, a mutuality is forced by resounding a familiar name. Hope Beauty leads nowhere if you choose to look. In the same breath, it leads everywhere. Through every path, the mind will offer. Enthralling moments are searched out in hopes of discovering a unique and exquisite grace. A flow of air called a breeze serves the purpose of supplying memory, bits of nostalgia guiding an individual through the history of love and hate, serenity and calamity, hope and fear. All sight is beauty. Beauty as the idea is beautiful. Life is just the same. Life is a moment raised from another moment, a collection of moments joined to create a lifetime. But all lifetimes are relative to the heart and mind of the individual; the individual, a creation of the greater, of the more powerful. Not powerful, but more collected, more patterned, more prepared, least understood, and never understood. Fear of not knowing is god. Fear of living a life untouched by a greater being is fear and loneliness. Belief is its own god. Hope in a belief is even more essential than the god itself. Accepting oneself as the only answer to satisfaction and knowledge is hopeless. There must always be more because there exists the unexplained. Why does it make me cry? Can the power unknown be more emotional than all else felt by one? Why does the fear of god, of creation, of universe, time, and space threaten the very being of spirit and soul? Or is it all the same with very different, relative names? Just make me cry, curl in to a ball, holding the body, mind and soul of me together. I cannot let it be lost to such powers, such energy. But befriending such a power is a step closer to peace, a step closer to understanding. It is a matter of what it takes. Understanding, no, acknowledging what must be done is a step, one step toward the simplicity life is offering, the simplicity of simple. Let me find a way. Who am I speaking to? It begins with pieces, objects, words, minds, gods, moments of time, the future that controls my next breath, the pattern that controls each breath beyond the next breath, the system that is a part of its own self. Cry, just cry. Just stop, for what more can exist in life beyond question? And what can exist in death beyond darkness? But is that death? Is it lightness of being or darkness? It is all the same in every direction I turn. We are searching for an end, for something spiritual, whether it be a religion guiding its priests through god or a discipline guiding its scientists through quantum theory. Either path provides only hope, little answer. But hope is not the answer because... hope is expectation and desire combined expectation is expecting or looking forward expecting is regarding as likely and looking for as appropriate or one's due forward is lying in one's line of motion one is single and integral in number 24
integral is of or necessary to a whole number is arithmetical value representing a particular quantity and used in counting and calculating; a person or thing having a place in a series desire is longing or craving It must be written here when there is a loss of hope and only tears choose to creep. It is not for a lack of happiness, it is the despair of others, the pain felt in their soul, and if so, crying its own tears. At this point, the deep emotional reservoir brings so many people in to my mind. It infiltrates the thoughts of purity and faithfulness for history and nostalgia. But never does it deny one can be met again. It just means life's vectors are many and will be traveled at many and all moments. It is matter of how you make the mind feel. Animals have more control over feelings, actions, and illnesses than believed. We let each of these control mind. If you imagine the amount of energy that exists in our brain, whether it be electron charge, water, ion flux, action potential, or inhibitory and excitatory potentials, we can overcome anything. It may sound driven, but we can be broken down into the most minute power sources known in this universe and the rest is left to our imagined constructs of nature. Mind can outdo phrases and concepts of who if we focus, stare into the lost space, bring space back to reality, and force energy to will our desire to acknowledge. This is hope in action. On the train a man walked into the car. I didn't stop to see his face, but noticed him walk by and stop in the middle of the aisle. I knew what was coming - an announcement. The poor soul was going to say how much he needed money or food. The first surprise was the loudness of his very masculine and raspy voice. He said, somewhat startling the people in the car, he lost his job, was trying to get back on his feet, wasn't a criminal or an addict, and asked for anything from pennies to granola bars. It was sincere, intimidating and hopeless. And I just kept going. Is it the truth? Is it something we can judge? I wanted to know what it took to lose his job. Was it his skin color? His on-job performance? Did he have to pay off a funeral for his bed-ridden wife, staying by her side to find out his prolonged absence caused his dismissal? He is a victim of his own circumstance, as once told in his best Harlem accent. But aren't we all? I am starting to believe people have to take care of themselves or give acceptable reason for support. I don't mind conversation, just a statement to grab attention. It was almost had tonight. I hope it will be had soon. Hate
Hate. I have it. People kill me, hurt me, anger me. Naiveté has become a virtue of most. Ignorance is an even better term, and it is by force. Death to all! Life to those who understand what it means, living the moment, making change and happiness in all culture, species, and organisms. Fight other Americans, other cultures or countries, other worlds, other forces - air, water, fire, the sun, Mother Nature, bacteria and viruses and atoms. It is only self, mind and preconceptions of what life should be, one lonely body, devoid of true happiness, community living, and hope that loves. Speak of change or revolution, about the individual. No one is correct, no one is completely happy in life. Relationships, income,
religion, and leisure have caused internal and external conflict and few can deal, much less balance all planes of life. But who assumes the above statements are correct? Doesn't it counteract the principles of philosophy, and more specifically nihilistic, anarchistic thought? Hate is never a part of such ideology. It’s an emotion caused by history and learned morals. The discussion, all mindfully-derived meaning, is exempt from such deliberation. A criticism of pure reason is itself being criticized. There is little possibility of avoiding such revolutions. Mind you, most theorists, philosophers, politicians, scholars, and intellectuals attempt to use complex terminology, syntax and grammar to make the normal, simple human being think that they don’t understand arguments of human nature when every moment you live you are experiencing such explanations and are as eligible as any other to interpret it as necessary. Is this hate for humanity, egoistic intellectualism, and naiveté? Is it empirical observations about the nature of so-called absolute explanation? No, it is a genuine lack of love and care for several occupants of this earth planet. How is hate created? It is the oppression and limitation of individual freedom and happiness by means of power, greed, and selfishness. Hate is hardly expressed in such logical terms. It usually describes the most heinous massacres across international timelines in order to remind humans of the atrocities acted upon them. Know Self Alone The next president must not get comfortable with their position. Once it appears as if they are not concerned and serious about the position, American morale will fall to its knees. If you act as a leader and always present yourself as more equipped and intelligent than all those beneath you, and actually have knowledge that defends such a position, then there is much less to worry about. You will establish yourself as a human who is aware of the human condition, but who can extend beyond those that you know are less sensical than you without allowing them to know. There is a point at which some humans will not pay attention to others. There are several levels of intelligence and everyone assumes, or does not, they are at a different level than another. What it really comes down to is someone’s self-understanding and a limit to which they understand everyone else. The need to understand "people" or humans is not as great as the need to understand "I". Even in scientific or spiritual terms, much can be discovered by focusing attention completely on self-action, utilizing knowledge and fact from the ignorance of others all searching for answers. Factors such as alcohol and substance abuse supposes some humans are less intelligent than others, as if their understanding of meaning and the world is less comprehensive than those who support a "straight-edge" way of living. If understanding is based on experience, then it is safe to suggest those who are unexperienced, or "straight-edge", are less related and involved with the world as it moves through space touched by so many biologically independent organisms with so many physical influences on individuals. What is it about independence and solitude that seems so attractive to some individuals? It may be the fact there is nothing else that can make them happy, no one else who can give them more than they can give themselves with what is available in their constant world. Love, emotion, and pain, which are part of longing for solitude, are always 26
in the way of what a person can really feel. They only serve as a border, an obstacle to overcome. When other people become involved in everyday life, life seems to take on another level of complexity and the need for understanding grows. It is not people must be avoided, but several must be and the humans that feel on the same level as you, the energy you can feel coming from them, should be embraced. I have only met few. Brotherhood I have been speaking to brother for the last few hours – stimulating. He is an intellectual companion. He looks at the world and is interested in the ideas. He knows and always drives to know more in every area of life. He reassures and knows what it means. He helps to think about those areas. I am one who will understand what I explain, though some will "get" my thoughts. It can never be understood if it isn't you, or something expressed from the same genes as you. Little is known how much procreative life means to individuality. The closer genetic determination is based upon the specific relationship of a specific female and male, the closer behavior will connect to the environment which rears it. Focus more and more on what must be done for security and success purposes and less on the world surrounding. The world taken for granted everyday by every human on earth. There is not one being that looks at the universe which surrounds them and constantly speaks to it with full attention and consciousness. That person would have the most pure and touched relationship of any individual on earth. That person would understand the energy and power that resides outside the human mind. That person would care for nothing more than the mysterious, unanswered questions of the natural substance that creates and maintains the medium surrounding them. The knowledge possessed is more in tune with today than the Jesus or Siddhartha connected intimately to the world. Fact must be told. They know nothing beyond the pure moral reasoning adapted to possess. They are not expected to be anything beyond what they know, but are expected to walk on water, turn water in to wine, and keep everyone believing in anything they say. These actions never happened but were so descriptively and faithfully written about in the early centuries of humans. They are not brothers. Persistence of Resistance The idea is persistent, sitting gently upon the moral high ground of the resistant brain. There are so many ways to let a voice be heard, but the loudness of voice is what counts. The loudness must not only be heard but seen, and most importantly felt. And though these basic emotions are the canvas for fine art, the content of voice must be clear enough for all to see. The question most asked is, "how do we say what is meant to be said?" The simplest answer is, say everything and hope it is heard. In reality, there are two types of people: those who know and those who can't know. Those who know either know and won't help, or will be the one standing next to you. Seldom remembered is the travel through life alone, only tying on the lesser involved. When it is so easy to let things be as they may, the little itch traveling from eyebrow to wrist to chest keeps inflaming and wanting relief or widespread panic. An action must be made. Life and the constant lived in have decided to take humanity into its own, conjuring 27
up days and nights, meals and views. How do you stop a life not your own? A life larger than any amount of time you have ever experienced? That is the answer sought even when no questioned is asked.
Feeling The cycle of reiteration comes when all signs are mistaken for an unknown being. youDarling I don’t want to reason, I want to feel. I want to listen and not know how. I want to think and not know why. I feel it is in the sounds I hear and the steps vibrating at my feet. In the warm touch of flesh on my ear which is simply a breast. There is no reason, but the breast and I know. Life begins right now But it began so many times before. And it began with you. All days, it begins with you, ends with you, and breathes with you. Dreaming day, night, twilight, sunrise of you, handled with a flame's desire to burn I listen to February stars, thinking of January lights, guiding love's trajectory to soul Ending not as near a tick of a watch. Beginning again, even in a poem dedicated to the idea of never-ending Whispers in my ear may not always be babe, be darling, but they are love. Numerous reasons to never forget a season to live purity From song to word to action to forever, a commitment An end always seems possible but extends into forever Love, woman, man, you end in forever, not now nor ever. When so much satisfaction and perfection exists in a relationship, it is about ideal love. I’ve never been more creative with emotion and passion than with you. It appeared to be simple with others because I was never satisfied at the same level. Everything else lacked my satisfaction – not to give but of receiving – until you. The only word that must be remembered when it comes to our relationship and my feeling is YOU. I cannot get enough. I hear you laugh and I laugh. I hear your voice and I tremble because my ears have not heard such beautiful tone before. I see your eyes looking at me and I know you see deeper than even me. I scrape my toes across the floor to reach you, to touch the cohesive sweat of your skin. And this is the song I sang to you, wailing, whistling, and crying as I sang. And many followed with a drive of freedom and pursuit for a masculine identity. In order to prove my love for you, my absolute desire to be with you, I needed to exemplify man. I leapt into a fire of desire, swimming along a wave of passion of smooth touch and smell, overcoming space and time. And it was all in my dreams, an imagined reality. While it all seems simple, it is never simple to control uncontrollable emotions that cause longing for touch, taste, sight, smell and sound. If we could keep everything easy then it would never be hard. And baby, what about me? Only love and you know. I sit in a chair and dance with my headphones on, waiting to dance with you. I pick out a song right now, a song only sexy enough for you to move to. Let me make it simple. Talk has arisen about other men and women, about trust and mistrust, commitment and honesty. Those words, those phrases mean little when you come into my head. And you are always there. I cannot ever imagine being happier, more 29
appreciated, more loved and wanted than with you. Right now, yes, right now, I have tears about to fall from my eyes because the happiness I feel, the wordless description of the moment, YOU, makes me cry. I cannot resist. It’s just a moment, just you makes me realize, makes me reach that mountain of nirvana, and makes me aware there is nothing more I need or want. I have found it. Do you know what it is? Neither do I, but when I write something like this, or think about you like this, it feels like it. Here is another thought. I sometimes want the drama and desire to need. Sometimes I wish we were walking away from each other because we didn’t believe we needed each other. Only because of the feeling of you not in my life the drive to get you back is more synonymous with my heart and desire. But I realized how deep loving you without walking away is. How passionate a true, good relationship with distance made us. I like the pain absence brings, but after feeling your presence, I need you. I miss you. And knowing the absolution of such a complete relationship makes me forget about the loss of love. It drives me to ask for more of YOU. So where does this bring us? ~~~~Together~~~~ Completely Outside It is a matter of beginning the day before the day actually begins The preparation of the body, mind, and soul before diving in to causes that besiege you Smoke rising in to the fog, giving the sky the dark excess of inhale The brightest light a reflection from a drying cloth Not a sway from the only friend mother has when surrounded by brick A breeze to wave like flag noticed but not to cleanse the dirt beneath A song to give inspiration of eventual smiles, only eventual in time but space in miles It is just another one of those days, everything to do, but nothing that matters In outside world, body mind soul in tatters. Crying For Pursuit Tears make people sad, or does sadness make tears fall? When is the boundary crossed? And which transpires the next? It appears individual’s makes tears fall in order to prove sadness and disappointment with a situation. It never appears being sad makes an individual sad. The physiological response to a disagreeable circumstance is a tremble, a deep swallow within the eustachian tube and uncontrollable orbital flow. Once this begins, sympathetically, the mind is controlled by hormones from several peripheral areas and vice versa. It’s as if even a blank, objective notepad is an eligible companion for the deepest emotions. It is the other half, the schizophrenic, multiple-personality entity looked for – the soul mate. An individual can reflect everything back to themself and interpret everything they might have been before. They want history, nostalgia, and the way emotions once felt. They want to know they were loved, not that they are loved. There is no satisfaction in attainment, there is only satisfaction in the pursuit. The pursuit of happiness, right? And lust, love, hope, security, understanding, knowledge, trust, sex, the answer. Once their life will cease to exist and it is called death, the ultimate of all attainment. A simple sound is so pleasing when it hits the right glands to make tears tremble from the eyes. 30
Relational Foreshadowing This is a little simpler than usual. It will be more cohesive and articulate without large vocabulary. I have been feeling a little unorthodox lately and there are many reasons why this could be. My relationships are difficult at times. Even though I feel the blame is less on me it really isn't. I’m only trying to make myself feel better. I’m impatient and inconsiderate often. In my heart, I know different but my mind is telling me otherwise, telling me what I have just done. I ask and ponder but it never helps. It actually makes the situation worse. It makes me feel intrusive and overbearing. I don't know if this is caring too much or not respecting others opinions. I think it is the latter but only in the perception of others. I’m a little anxious and actually scared of how I feel. I have not been concerned like I’m now in some time. It felt like this on the way out before but there are some differences. I’m trying to be more understanding, more helping. Maybe that’s what hurt everything last time. Maybe I must leave it be and let the nature of a relationship take its course. It’s difficult to do, but a sign of maturity as an individual. He knows I need more of that. The other concern I have is about profession. Everything seems to be getting better because I’m focusing more, but I still question whether or not this is something I want to be the rest of my life. I’m starting to think it is, but it forces me away from the ideal goal of selfsustainment in body and mind. Once complete, I will make another vital decision, though my security will be better established when that time comes. Happiness I heard a few statements about an individual's personal goals. They didn’t make me happy, but they belong to this person and are best for them. There isn’t persistence on my part only reasoning and listening. Choices are no one's but their own. What makes me most sad is the lack of passion for anything and the lost passion being replaced by a dream of happiness in life through unrealistic means and against a heavy hand called pain. The human condition is fragile, complicated by emotion, physicality, respect, trust, hope and faith. The elements of being a person limit escape to the ideal goal of ultimate happiness and momentary attention. The external forces of any one person's perception contain its own propagation through a time when decay, aging, and deterioration replace ideal living. One of the simplest and most important factors destroying the ability to dream for ultimate happiness or content living is the hand of control. Underprivileged is another word for suffer. Suffering occurs because of unfulfilled goals and the inability of a person to understand and deal with a loss of this fantasy. All try to achieve, whether achievement neglected the idea of achievement. There are strides in directions of a path that are ideal, or what one imagines could bring happiness, but with so many societal loops and natural processes changing the individual beyond what is noticed, there is no success in trying to plan for tomorrow. And all the while, I’m a victim of my own criticism, looking well beyond the next phrase I create, saving my overextension through time. Even my frustration with malfunctioning anatomy is stronger than retaining a peaceful and understanding being, existing as it, and never concerned with more than two letters of one word. What drives me to continue feeling beyond the realm of this world is the lack of persistence humans have for the hidden feeling only retrieved in moments of loss, detachment, and instability. Too 31
often does this loss occur. What is the issue with humans? Are they lazy or bored? And does feeling either one make the ultimate goal happiness, when it might actually be change and discomfort? It creates a situation to be dealt with and acted upon and keeps tomorrow more profoundly on the horizon of what must be and how to get there. Happiness it being sure and the solutions arise in the uncertainty of aimlessness, for no cemented goal offers a definite smile.
Spirit A relationship of uncertainty must be understood as communication with all unwanted symbolism. Ipiphany Here’s a question for you, but not atypical just unexpected: If you mix alcohol, meat, absinthe, marijuana, hashish and opium within one hour of each other and become social with mindful people, can a euphoric perception similar to this be experienced at any moment? Let me tell you a story. He was in an eastern American city to make a presentation. The presentation went fine. One of his evenings was to be spent at a house he’d never been to before. He was fairly comfortable about the situation. I only say fairly because in the situation he was about to be placed there were few options for me. He conformed to several of the people attending the conference on a daily basis – personally and impersonally. Others would be new to him. Early on, a smaller group made their way to the house, stopping at various hotels to pick and drop things off and have a drink at the hotel bar. This group of people was familiar and his associations to them each had their own rich history. One person shared genes and philosophy, and another family and work. He knew the other two from academia, and a quarrel of physical violence after hedonism. We all shared a cab together. The ride over was short, tight and audible. They argued about a man of spirit. He had spoken earlier in the day about integrating silence and nerves, the loud electrical discharge and the absence of all mechanical waves: I listened to the Dalai Lama speak. He is one I will mention by name. This story won’t be about him, but will include him. It reveals much about the situation/moment and about what unfolded during, before, and after. Four areas of science is what he spoke about that interested me mildly. There was a bigger purpose to ensue. I was just unaware of what it would be. Cosmology, physics, neuroscience, and psychology were the areas he described. I’m actually not sure if it was said as “physics”, but he said something to the effect of “small”. Each area playing their scientific function in the world of one human being. Of course, that was only half of the story. It was a self-actualized day, making me feel confident about my abilities and the abilities of people around me. I still have faint glimpses of it, searching for it as intently as possible. He spoke with many people and let them in at a more open level than ever before. At this time I’m weary of where I find myself in the frailties of their space, but know that life is fine. Now, understanding how I felt begins with how the word “fine” feels to you. These were the kind of decisions I was making the entire day and for once, he gave me something worth living for. Bible It can be declared that half of the bible is not truth, is not non-fiction, is not kosher, if you will. The story of Jesus the man, the ascended being, is fabricated, a story of faith in order to remain level with the idea of prophet and savior. Written text from 400 through 800 AD, several hundred years after his time, can only be perceived as fiction and is based 33
on four separate, consistent accounts. 3 Your next thought of your past history is fiction because it is no longer reality. It exists only as you remember it and whatever sensationalism you add to it. One fact that opposes the idea of Jesus are his siblings. Joseph and Mary must have had children because 33 years without another child is unimaginable. Plus, Jesus was assumed to be very independent and Mary could not possibly be without other children while he was away. Joseph must have had some sexual relationship with her because in historical eras marriage was based on fertility and the prospect of children. And why is it that he did not suppose infidelity? He was not present when Gabriel addressed Mary. It is hard to believe that a Jew was that forgiving in ancient times. Law of the Torah, The Ten Commandments and the Koran all elicit strict rules opposing infidelity. Even in today's society men do not represent a forgiving soul, and suggesting pregnancy as immaculate would be highly condemned and hardly believed. Could Jesus be a bastard, a child raised without his legitimate father present? It is a possibility. And what zealous believers exist to support such irrational historical fact? The present American population increased their religious book purchases by more than 39% from 2002. Anyone reading for enjoyment is reading about god. And no one knows a definite explanation about such a concept. It is only theory and suggestion yet so many blind followers choose a pop leader and writers with little articulation or talent, in which to enjoy their free time. How does an American relax when the only books available on the market are either political or religious? What about leisure and enjoyment? What about reading about subjects that you never thought about or weren’t smothered with everyday? What about a vacation and meditation without the stress of your eyes on fine print? God will be around tomorrow, and to remind you, God will be around after you are long gone, probably concerned with whoever is still living rather than the dead. Do you really think that God has time to be concerned with all the dead infinitely? Those that have died are too numerous compared to the constant living. God is a power even beyond the greater powers of our consciousness and the universe. If there are human beings that choose to not follow creator ideology and still live healthy complete lives, then the scope of such vastness is beyond any single entity. Afterlife has not ever been proven or experienced by the living and should thus remain a concern only after life has ceased to exist for an individual. Spirit and faith must be lived through others, feeling the emotions, the ideas, and the love of others. An energy beyond recognition is absurd to follow or believe because it is blind faith and unrealistic to the socalled realistic. Legos Design If it was all choice, couldn’t you shake a bag of Legos for the rest of you life? Actually, you could not shake a bag of Legos for the rest of your life because it would interrupt tasks such as eating, sleeping, getting dressed, and working – all of which are behaviors you have to act upon. These actions are reality, dependent upon scientific and philosophical principles that have historically and naturally guided a human’s ability to think about such things as intelligent design. Begin by defining common sense but do not define it based on a dictionary definition, or on its root in language development. Do not define it using philosophical
The suggestions of the dates 400 through 800 are due to the first occasions of biblical critique, though the gospels could have been written anywhere from 60 to 120 AD.
concepts either. Base your definition on subjective reasoning, on the knowledge only you possess within your brain put there by years of schooling and study. Tell me, how far did you get? It might sound something like what you have already said, “common sense is just that, it is common sense.” What does this tell me, or you, about the concept of common sense? What does it say about the structure of the words “common” and “sense”? Again, what is common sense? Maybe it is something humans don’t share equally. Intelligent design is not a fact of life. It is an attempt to describe the creation of the universe as we know it by using one simple rule: the universe was created top-down (from the whole to its parts). Years of “truth-searching” is not only a scientific endeavor, but historically philosophical, if not psychological. Nearly 10 millennium ago thinkers were beginning to think up gods of the universe representing various physical and mental constructs of modern human life. Intelligent design is one minutiae of theoretical language attempting to describe ideas infinitely larger than itself. Any person is free to follow what they believe, but none of our beliefs are more than that. Inevitably after all the research, discovery, documentation and thoughts, the ultimate answer to our creation eludes us and is fathomless, and any “right” answer is entirely subject to faith. Gargantuan Shouldn't a religion teach morals based on modern values? School, learning, health, sharing, and objectiveness should all be part of religious doctrine. It will not have the history, martyrs, gods, or cultural tradition, but it will have modern progressive understanding of the needs and expectancies of humans. It must be able to instill realism and fear into the minds of its followers. And it will be for the purposes of self salvation, accepting all ideology about human nature. It will not take a religious or scientific stance, but will remain neutral to both physical and spiritual considerations. "For those that control the central nervous system control society and the world." 4 I feel stuck in a evolving black hole, nowhere left or right, east or west, north or south, just up and down. Surrounded by arguments of heaven or hell, or relatively, good and bad. Time travels on a curve, a curve of spacetime, of gravity in revolutions, but the curve will only come once cessation has ceased. Death remains an only outlet. I have choices leading to temporary accomplishment, but that is all that can be said. The appropriate terms have been used. Changes occur every seven years, and cannot wait. I’m afraid of what is next. Will it take me in the direction I strive for or not? Will I become blind or see through more through invisibility? The moments slowly traverse in the shadows and dark, the unexplained matter of our universe. Can I participate in such a trek? The length remains eternal and the losses are gargantuan – beyond belief! Does thinking about such things now necessitate a step of mind closer to real salvation? No such idea is beyond realization. Sometimes (such a meaningful word, why?) rhythm just flows through the pathways of mind. It carries a simple particle flow displacing air and creating meaning for our souls. Words can be heard, ideas can be felt, and feelings can be embraced. There cannot be an end to such thoughts or the path must again be found. But the dilemma is in finding such a path. As one proves to be correct, another takes shape to contend with the other. There is consistency in life, or in time, because it works on such an eternal scale. Ideas that provide utility in one context will continuously prove utility and meaning
Another quote from that band System of a Down. He tended to depend.
throughout all endeavors over the course of one simple and gentle life. Is life composed of an energy called "soul"? Will there be a part of a human life continuing to exist after rigor mortis has set in? It’s absurd to think an aura, or cloud of existence floats until heaven, hell, purgatory, or an otherworld accepts it into its borders. The existence of a subconscious and dream states explain too much in terms of afterdeath nervous system function. The question remains how the brain and thoughts, or subconscious thought, are dependent upon other parts of the body. This is not solely dependent upon oxygen and blood flow from the heart and lungs. It is dependent upon the creation of neurotranmitters, hormones, action potential, ionic flow, and microphysical propagation, namely subnucleic processing. My death seems to take steps, but it may also be due to my cognitive states and the role of intoxicants. I cannot blame or credit such concoctions for any thought that remains as cursed during normality. Sensitivity is increased twofold. What a useless area of study! Either it is complete avoidance or complete consumption. Therapy and rehab using other pharmaceuticals provides only jobs for underlings studying such a progressive field. Military and aeronautics are even more generous, but even more hopeless. Hope is such a useless word. It provides false beliefs (another unexplainable explainer) for the occurrence of future events that cannot be planned with the fiercest confinements. Why are people not more curious about life, about people, about simple events fulfilling the space their life is taking up? Curiosity only kills those who don't ask the questions. Do we really believe in love, or do we believe in the person? What is a mature question to ask? The person is so much more important than the construct. People believe in faith and hope more than love because they are faced with loss more often. Can I really write about love without experiencing it? I have once, but will never again. And this is one statement cannot be offered once more. While it remains true in the heart, it cannot remain true in reality for it will destroy goodwill, hope, and faith in the same breath. Passion cannot exist at such levels, with such intensity and forgiveness as it once has. Age and wisdom exemplify solitude and simplicity. It becomes comfort and complacency. Who wants to love and live in a world of such trivial ideas? What are we fighting for? Is it just our own pride and satisfaction? Where is the line drawn between selfish needs and the needs of others? Passion drives belief. Passion is the burning desire for continued pursuit. Pursuit is a drive to obtain. For whom? To change the minds and hearts of the dis-understood? The naive and blind? Is it a matter of sacrifice or glory? The question of asking too many questions has become less visceral and more rigid. Less flexibility in the simplicity of fun is lost. Life has meaning, but meaning is created by the life that is living within your body. By me! All want to appease the moral standing, the theory of goodness over bad. All think definitions of good are great. Passing moral high ground to anyone defeats and contradicts morality in humans. It’s too large for you to spiritualize and indoctrinate! It’s too complicated for me to take anymore! Neopalabra Something new. "All around me are familiar faces." What is change? What is it that must be changed? Happiness is within the mind of an individual only looking for a reason to be sad. Feeling alienated at all ages, feeling outcast from the popular "kids". 36
Understanding life, especially the space you fill becomes a sole purpose of understanding. Unless something you say has been said by someone else who historically meant something to a group of people, what you say means nothing. The feeling of hopelessness resonates in the innocent mind looking for meaning in the ideas they possess only unique to them. How many times can a song be played before the feeling it gives you fades away and becomes cumbersome? Word by word, each thought becomes less complimentary to a complex, or complete statement about the abstraction of importance your emotions should be to you and the fabric of moments you reside inside of. We all want to write a sentence that can be connected to by everyone. Tears fall from the eyes of people at all moments of the day, it is just a matter of releasing the pain. Death is a time when peace of mind sought is the last choice made by a person. When you stop listening to the world around you, the world around you stops giving advice. All expressions intended for explanation are only considered if they arrive from the mouth of one who knows. We are not curious with knowing others, we are concerned with others knowing us. To think of the past thought as it becomes the future is trying to remember a moment that never existed. The same moment is the only place at which time a memory can be placed and connections can be made to that special event. Life nearing its conclusion is the dream of the endless mind. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hypocrisy is neo-sin, an exclamation of stance and a lack of movement invade absolute purpose. People are heard when they scream but are not listened to. If irrationality serves a selfish request, why do the selfish not follow their own request? Children calm the intense mind, retreating the depth of insecurity to the superficiality of life. If we run, where do we run to and how far can we really get? Seeing a bird fly in a sky now owned by humans does not make soaring free anymore. Is it ever necessary for us to do anything other than survive? A pattern will connect itself to all combinations of elements if thought about in the right context. When it takes more than one of anything to create a symphony of harmony, the methods of doing so must be done again. Compassion is judged by all but only given by those supported by institutions prominent above individuality. Now is the time to listen and stop thinking. By embracing the self we embrace everyother. Captured in the frame of the window is life being pushed up an incline only to get to a platform of equality. Ability to meditate on the moment of life, in any consequence means mind can be contrived of pain and defeat. 37
Circular being rests within the soul or mind of every individual, regardless of the innovation of movement through time. "This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality, embrace this moment, remember we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Release from the chest, which resides in the mind, occurs from a deep breath of darkness into the soul. I will finish today because it will not be existing tomorrow. The depth of the mind and the curve of the body equals the sexiness of soul and heart. Lust and (love) being present appear to make inertial attraction desirable and unavoidable. Intellectualism is not limited to extensive wordology or invasive naturability. It is now understood that many comprehensions are not expected from the careless of psyche. The deeper the tone the more acceptable the invasion toward the intention of purpose and susceptibility. Emotion across difference exists as the cry of the poignant. Understanding longing in others unlike you is easier than understand the longing of those in your heart. The first time you cry because you are who is expected is the time to be the unexpected and never return in more than one way. Thriving on human tragedy results from the altruistic need to save yourself. Why does the desire to expel oneself from the situation of present appeal as beatification of a life utterly faceless and meaningless to all humans or animal species? Animal Maker Every animal other than human believes it is its own maker or creator. That is why they give back to nature and the world around them as equally as they take from it. Humans are somewhat cursed and swindled by more than one answer or solution to a question – the question. When any other animal can be called just that, and only “know” the physical presence of their body (hunger, fear, startle, and escape responses), they’re at the advantage of having to think less and doing more. Humans who know the mental presence of their body know too much. Of course, both physical and mental body knows the world outside, just as all other animals must to live on earth. Humans are one species, just as lions and gazelles, sharks and tuna. They kill others as they may kill us, though only as protection or nourishment. Other animals never kill out of leisure, hate or ignorance, which makes human even more animalistic and driven by a maker of ideals to appease.
Esoteric Submission As symbols are replaced by disintegrated action, the mission begins again when an act of re-creation is observed simultaneously. Days 1. 07/31/04 Begin. Today was another day. He began feeling a little less than optimal, due to the wine the night before, but still capable. He went to a laboratory to maintain us, indulged a bit, and started looking for interesting information on that superhighway. He was able to read on the way to the lab, walking to the station listening to RATM. He needed a taste of the defiant and ended up finding a world not exposed to me in some time. At work, he merely wrote, trying to finish an article for publication, occasionally scanning for more info in the digital realm. He fed the animals over the course of the day, discussed the arbitrary ideas of physics and ichthyology with them, and I listened. I’m now an auditory physioichthyologist. 2. 08/17/04 Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, but does it make the mind more creative? It’s been more than two weeks since the inception of the "journal" and writing is going lightly. Last night, while in bed after a minor miscommunication, a righteous thought infiltrated mind. What I thought about was the sheer obviousness of identifying how a person responds to another person, and in doing so easily assuming with great validity the causality and explanation of that action. I necessarily feel a moment has arrived in life where the great theory or purpose means much less than the description as it continually changes, most obviously in humans or any biological life form, for that matter. It is really about observance. Today he made a presentation he had been selected to make for over a month. He was commissioned to discuss some of experimental work up until present. The discussion was to last 20 to 30 minutes, but instead lasted for an hour or more. It was a negative experience by any means, but it amounted to several constructive improvements. I realized I knew nothing about the topic of which he spoke. I’m uninformed and unretained of the information necessary to successfully explain a discipline. It isn't so much a disappointment as it is a desperate plea to attend myself more. My interest is increasingly growing, but the immediate purpose is not within sight. I’m creating a false purpose until he can find a real one. My evening was absolutely wonderful. He spent it making dinner, eating dinner, reading and being most intimate with love. These are how all evenings and nights are supposed to be. The balance achieved by combining a productive mental day with a satisfying emotional day does not compare to most days. I only look forward to more days like this. The one issue I’m having is with myself. I find my humor touches on the hurtful and silly just one step too far. I need to compose myself even if it’s not part of the nature in which I grew up. It must benefit me elsewhere, but will make my secure lifestyle much more tolerable to others. There is no sense in losing edge or sarcasm, but it must not include others it must include things. I will update myself about it soon as long as I follow through, or I may be having the same conversation with dictation once again. 39
3. 09/08/04 More and more time passes and little more of life becomes new. Time just passes, new thoughts are replaced with already-knowns. 4. 10/10/08 The influence may be frustration. It may just be now. But I feel as if I need to do something different, not usual. I’m trying to feel anything. Too much happiness has begun to numb me. It is the idea when you have it you want something else, and when it is gone, you need it. Maybe it is time to take the fall again. I think I have become too calm and safe as time has passed. I don't feel like taking steps, leaping from a cooling building. It must be burning, but the fire has to be ignited. Everything is moving so slowly and it is how I describe life now. Slow. This was not the Homer from before. It’s time to make a move. It’s time to reduce the cumbersome and generate the electricity again. Even the words that come from my mouth, from my mind smell of molding repeat. I don't want to make it easy to live with me, I want to be me. Too much acceptance, not enough go and flow. I want to be your monkey. The world is ever-changing but constant in its motion. Smooth is how to describe it. My smoothivity is fading with the false assumption age creates wisdom. Living creates wisdom. Tameness is sameness and having the monkey is like embracing the teddy. No need for such cold comfort. Focus has become futuristic - the artificial emotion of intelligence. If my realization life moves slowly is emergent, then time dragging its ass only lets me move up in place, performing the show stopper. But could the puppet show only entail the cutting of strings? Why, of course. Is there any other reason to consider anything else? No. Simply answering your own questions allows little confrontation. If you know, then why ask? And if you ask, why think anyone else's answer is better than yours? I won't. It is my answer, right? Yes. This may be a little unorthodox for entry, but it all comes full circle to my life, interpreted, providing insights in to the world of me, but only understanding as some personal philosophy pertaining to life, love, sex, work, motion and time. It‘s pretty simple. An Unhealthy History I stuff them in my mouth as if the consequences will not affect my health. I sip out of the glass as if the consequences will not ruin my health, physical and mental. And if I’m only speaking of air and water the results are the same. Life serves as a toxic reminder of the negativity surrounding the beauty of the human body. The toil and wear the body must accept in order to pass one day leads to illness and death, but at stages too early in time, increasing the accessibility of convenience. Why is ethanol consumption only longing for nostalgia? Thoughts of past situations and people enter minds. Think about situations that once were and look for those situations again. Alcoholic effects must work heavily in the hippocampus, maybe CA1 and CA2, activating sites of long term memory. Want comfort of what has passed in time. Listen to music that reminds us of historical events. Start to love the feeling of past. Emotions include: nostalgia, love, memory, remorse, intensity. Summation I want to feel fear, confusion, and sorrow. It will begin with mind placed in comfort. A place where it can fall freely and stumble hopelessly. Now is not here but fleeting heat of 40
breath upon breath. People stretch for thoughts of the past, needing to feel love that once was, themselves as they were. No one moves with life as time continues. They grasp the idea, holding white-knuckled, pulling until it separates in the middle. At this point, a person is lost, never knowing who they are, where they are going, and only accepting themselves, superficially pleased with accomplishment and attainment. It has slowly begun: mind's transformation, creating emotion through song and movement. I have heard it before, but it is these memories bringing a flow of tears, embracing the inconspicuous ideas constructed before now. Happiness appeared to originate from loneliness before, and now it is a common feeling shared by many. Now I feel like everyone else. Not original in appearance and fading from novel thought into common flow. The world is united on many levels, but individual minds have traveled separate spaces traveled by others, separate times never similar. Explanation is difficult but creative explanation is impossible. People are not only for themselves, they inform others. All conceived by the mind will eventually become part of another's life. You must for yourself if you are happy with you, it will all be understood. No one is unique or special or individual. It is us, not I. This becomes the sorrow to be dealt with. Unfortunately, the scale degrades as experience summates. It doesn’t have to be this way or can be accepted on selfish terms. It can be yours, to manipulate, to indulge, to choose. And that is the key word, choose. We all have two options; yes or no, have or have not, please or thank you, black or white, happiness or sadness, sanity or insanity, simple or complex. Die! The end is what we wait for, but sometimes we don't think often enough – objects can't be left behind, not yet. I will not get sensitive but love means something, means everything while we do exist. Whether it is man, woman, dog, cat, wife, husband, lover, or friend there are connections beyond social explanation that saturate our emotional stability. Death should be the final conquest, but love challenges timeliness. Loneliness has not yet evolved in to man's repertoire of value. Soon there will be no need for significant others to appease lust and love affections will be formed toward inanimate objects and themselves. Reproduction will not have to include opposite sex, only their genes offered forth by your own DNA. Life means little after science. If everything is explained or inferred, mystery seizes to exist. Mysticism and metaphysics has little place in reality. That which is not experienced is not existent. I do exist, for he has created me as his summation. Summation Too I. Isn't that the way it always starts? Times want me to be separated from everything present in life. I remove watch and prayer beads. In my head, I remove clothes and the shelter of a room. I want to be in the same moment, listening to the same sounds in an unprotected scene, where only pain and death, or the "avoidance of" mean anything. While the feeling of such hate and anguish are brought on by uncategorical terms, I still feel an overwhelming need to take another drink. To slip further down into emotional repulsion, crying tears because an elevation has been lost, a culture has been interrupted, and hope has been removed. Someone has to die soon in order to replace the lost feeling of mortality. It will arrive soon. All disappointment does, as tonight has seen. A simple good moment of time turns it to a disappointing, ill communication. It was only a matter of physiological necessity presented in an unsubtle angle and understood in an overemotional 41
fashion – a relationship, basically. But a human's life resides on premise of relationship. Angry enough to let the other destroy lives whether by alcohol or policy, people will be harmed and ruin lives they can never replace. It is again, those signs. "Cold Water" is what it was called and it called out my age. “Take it to the rails,” the idea has always been on mind. It is inevitable because in this country it is one of the few ways to be free, actually free. No possession except what is on your back. Survival of the fittest and earnest achievement of all food and shelter. That is how a one should get lost in this country. Make adventure, be your stories. Vive LaElfrois Hello there. The other day on the bus – a very efficient means of transportation – I looked up in an attempt to see beyond the typical street level activity. I noticed a beautiful balcony, Baroque in style, occluding what appeared to be a floor to ceiling window. I briefly caught a glimpse of a person moving around the room hidden by both the balcony and window. At the very glimpse of a single head, my imagination began to wander. Monsieur LaElfrois was an elderly man entering the 87th year of his dedicated and well-traveled existence on earth. His single head contained only black hairs, astonishing to the geriatric specialist because men of his age were expected to either have shiny bald scalps, or locks so pure white the reflectance has historically caused temporary blindness. With such bright, direct sunlight aimed at the naive eye, what shiny hair could not cause a need to look away. Hair was only one asset LaElfrois possesed, for his gift of gab, or rather unrelenting rationalization, bequeathed him with a power unknown to most humans. His every word was cleaved to by a hand with a hook, hanging on for dear life, attempting to survive a barrage of slovenly, clever verbiage expressing thoughts rapidly innovative to all naive ears. The, and, I, and he ran, or she. This defines all the simple-minded literature that exists in the world today. Again Again, it is the end of critical thought. It is the end of reasoning. The way life moves, or more succinctly, the way the mind limits itself, novel thought processes and heartfelt emotions become a dime a dozen and none last longer than a moment. There is a reciprocal exchange that occurs when one is attempting to live their life by this moment, dwelling on no event beyond one minute past. At times it may seem this is purposefully done, but is actually a naturally aged phenomenon. Most young, blissful, and ideal minds look forward to this breath of thought – never more than one breath. It appears to be so simple. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending upon how you perceive it, the mind, memories and ultimately an individual’s life become only what can be experienced. Conversely, experience seems to ask for memories again, for more time and for a life everlasting. You hear regrets about never doing “this” or “that”, and how wonderful it was being innocent. While age is taken in stride and with much composure, there exists the same feeling among all – the desire to be what we once were. The loss of novel ideas and experience is not an end to mindful indulgence, it is simply a beginning to a new alternative in explaining the living and breathing life of a human being. The explanation is not new, but the method of reaching others is a vast 42
horizon where boundaries are not limiting. All creative mediums can be integrated, separated, molded and formed into the shape understood by the demographic chosen. The ideas are limitless because so many prior and after have never viewed the world through more than one pair of eyes. They have never felt the air smother their skin with passions of rhythm, balance, warmth, and intensity. This is how the world familiarizes itself. There are finite instances of confusion and perplexity. Lost are the self, the world known, and the reality lived and loved. To find place again, indulge those parts of brain forever changed by an extraneous agent of nature, purposefully placed on earth to be used by those species instinctive enough to realize the worth in consumption. Of course this is only temporary and dismal in its temporal existence and creates feelings of apathy, melancholy, and physical illness. Negativity is never a trade-off for one day of superficiality, which in itself represents the depth of common human existence on earth. The deepest connection to another physical being, whether eukaryotic or prokaryotic, animal or plant, is reciprocal; you affect them in a positive or negative way, mathematically-speaking, and you will feel the counter-effect. It is the principle of survival and the system of nature propagating its inhabitants using mysterious means to do so. Just when you think the end is near and there is nothing left to say, you become creative again. Not exactly creative, but you are unique and summon your individual knowledge, remembering that you do have one. While it is subtle and never exactly what is needed or wanted, the thoughts that come out of your eyes and ears (the eyes and ears are intermediary sensory receptors continuously responding to the external world keeping mind within the physical parameters of our universe; what if we could neither see nor hear and were left to our ontogenetic brain?) are yours and genuine. What is the next step in a neverending struggle for peace: understanding and balance as time make the body feel older? The quest for knowledge of one’s self and the surrounding world never goes away, it is just placed deeper into memory or is disposed of into the novel life-seekers of planet earth, galaxy milky way. Earth’s Brain Ever think the earth resembles a brain? Think about it for a minute. Both are surprisingly close to round. The earth contains many layers, the brain contains many layers. The deeper you go, the more complex the layers get. And when you finally think you get to the end, there is no end because they keep going through connections, looking very much the same. They even go through a very, very hot, bright and never-before-seen place of increasing depth. Then you start to look to the surface and beyond, and what you get are developing layers, growing layers providing a new kind of energy. These layers contain charges like a neuron, maybe like a refinery, the perfect mix of chemical, a perfect arrangement of atoms. As the energy begins to flow further away from the earth it becomes more complex. More forces begin to act on it and more bodies begin to attract to it. As the brain moves further from the body, from sensation, from perception, into faith and belief, the idea of sociality thrives. But before we all connect, we get a bit cloudy on the way out. We need connectivity to build outward, the earth and its cohorts need gravity to take them outward, bring them together. The more attraction you have the more everything seems to fit back together. Are they us or are we them? We are the tiny little center that lights the brain and keeps hope in something still alive while we are also the tiny little center that 43
light an earth or destroys it as the superficial construction of hope and faith through matter. Ever think the earth resembles a brain? Think about it for a minute. Both are surprisingly close to round. The earth contains many layers, the brain contains many layers. The deeper you go, the more complex the layers get. And when you finally think you get to the end, they both stop, or keep going, looking very similar. They even go through a very, very hot, bright and very unknown stage. Unknown to it and unknown to us, or only unknown to us from death. I don’t get to die this time, I get to see the end of earth.