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3/27/09 The MISSY MISSION is about

MORE than MERELY MISSY &


ME:
MY LARGER SCOPE for
RECONCILIATION
3/27/09

The “MISSY MISSION” is


of a LARGER SCOPE
than merely Missy & Me:

“Now all things are of God,


who has reconciled us to Himself
through Jesus Christ,
and has given us the
ministry of reconciliation ,
that is, that God was in Christ
reconciling the world to Himself,

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not imputing their trespasses to them,
and has committed to us
the word of reconciliation
2 Cor 5:18-19

Hey folks, another update on the MISSY


MISSION as well as a clarification of my purpose
—which is “dynamic” NOT static. I’ve added &
amended a few sentences to the message below,
and continue to SEEK a way to have
“reconciliation” with just a few people, but which
will help heal the larger body of Christ in the
process.
I don’t think it is fair for MISSY to give me the
“SILENT TREATMENT” for the rest of my life,
but my friend Liz thinks Melissa’s response may
be due to whatever just happened with her
marriage. Liz thinks Missy may be angry at men
in general because she was hurt by her husband or
former husband.
I reminded Liz that we do NOT even know if this
story of catching the husband with another
woman in another country is true. But then I

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reminded Liz that my purpose is LARGER than
fact-finding and even if another story emerges
that may be less flattering to Missy I WANT her
to feel UNCONDITIONAL LOVE not only from
me but the Christian community, especially the
Christian community around West Michigan, who
is close to her and can more easily reach out to
her.
I encouraged Liz to put together a card or
something to send to Melissa with a bunch of
signatures from friends, particularly old
girlfriends, but I don’t know if it will happen.
And I realized that some things that were in my
subconscious for a while are now slowly but surely
coming back to the surface and I hope this is a
healing process. It would help if Melissa, herself,
were, responsive, but it may not solely depend
upon Melissa being receptive. It may depend more
largely upon the Body of Christ to PRAY and
simply be concerned about this matter that
developed between Missy and myself 25 years ago
in a very unexpected way. I’ve told the “bedroom
story” enough times now that you can go back and
find it.
Rather than reciting the one “precipitating event’
now I want to MOVE BEYOND that event and

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effectuate spiritual & emotional healing not only
for me but also for Melissa & the community at
large, including Melissa’s MOM & DAD &
brother & sister. I was able to locate Missy’s sister
in Ohio and sent a nice letter to her sister to pass
on to Missy—and HOPE that something will get
thru to either Missy or her loved ones that I
STILL CARE and that we should BE
RECONCILED not only for our own personal
sake but for the sake of the BODY OF CHRIST
and the larger community, both Christian & as
well as the “civil communities” around us,
regardless of faith, religion (or lack of)
Is it simply coincidental that all of this comes now
around Easter ? Today is Maundy Thursday, the
day that Jesus spent his last meal, the Last
Supper, with His disciples and gave His new
command:
“This is My commandment,
that you love one another
as I have loved you”
John 15:12

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This MANDATE is why today is called
“MAUNDY THURSDAY” because God
commanded us to LOVE ONE ANOTHER !
And this is part of the RECONCILIATION
PROCESS. Unconditional love effectuates
reconciliation. Sure, we don’t say it’s okay to sin,
but we forgive those who made mistakes and
regret them and are sincerely trying to be better
persons. And we ask them to forgive us likewise.
Who is without sin ? Who is perfect ? We are ALL
in the process of becoming better persons, with the
help of others, on our JOURNEY of FAITH.
“For if when we were enemies we were reconciled
to God through the death of His Son,
much more, having been reconciled,
we shall be saved by His life.

And not only that, but we also rejoice in God


through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we
have now received the reconciliation .”
Rom 5:10-11
And after Liz opened the envelope from Missy for
me (which I sent back to her in Michigan) she

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subsequently, yesterday, (4/8/09) told me she
would send it to me, but I said I DON’T WANT
TO SEE IT ! She asked why and I said because I
sensed it was ‘LEGALISTIC” and did not truly
express the “real Missy” I knew (even though I
don’t know exactly what it said). I realize now
that whatever happened to Missy must have
changed her, temporarily, as a person.
She may be floating around in “legal”
communities now, LEARNING LEGALEZE and
how to be combative—maybe even be in a
“custody battle” and have a lawyer “fighting” for
her and if so that would explain a DEFIANT,
almost angry ATTITUDE towards not only her
husband or ex husband but men in general. And
so I say ‘FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW
NOT WHAT THEY DO”
I reminded Liz about the time, fifteen years ago,
when Melissa came to me, having arranged a
meeting with me via our mutal friend, Jack and
how by that time in 1994 I was “emotionally
detached” from a lot of things in life because of
various life events and essentially SO MUCH
TRAVEL and no single LOCUS for my own
personal life (i.e. no house, no permanent
residence, no real sense of belonging to any single

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particular community, i.e. “neither here nor there”
but definitely by that time not in Grand Rapids
either (meaning not emotionally there, even
though I was physically there).
And so I would hope the response to me was also
“FORGIVE HIM FOR HE KNOWS NOT WHAT
HE DOES” I was STILL A STUDENT at that
time in my life and working on another bachelor’s
degree. Melissa didn’t make sense to me at that
time but she probably left our meeting feeling
betrayed and maybe hurt, but she should know
that it was because I had become ‘emotionally
detached” NOT because I didn’t care for her. It
was not the TRUE ME at our meeting in 1994 and
I don’t believe the letter from Missy in 2009
expresses the true her.

The question is did she come away feeling


betrayed or hurt so badly in 1994 that she can
never forgive or try to understand, and at the
same time has whatever happened to her recently
in her marriage or former marriage made things
even worse in regards to her emotional state and
attitude towards me or men in general ? And I’m
not talking solely or even mostly about
rehabilitating an old relationship that we had 25

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years ago, although I don’t rule it out. As I said,
that would be a FAIRY TALE ending almost too
good to imagine. I am simply talking, or mostly
talking, about mere reconciliation in general, about
FORGIVENESS and renewed faith trust as
adults
And MUCH of this applies to life in general and
to relationships in general. We are ALL in the
process of life and in the process of being
“relational.” We all have HURT OTHERS and
BEEN HURT by others and we all need to
FORGIVE and BE FORGIVEN. IT’s always
mutual.
Rarely does becoming LEGALISTIC and
COMBATIVE and demanding or trying to
intimidate help matters. And I pray for healing and
reconciliation not only between myself & Missy
and her family but also possibly even Missy and
her former husband or estranged husband. I
suppose it would be better for them to reconcile
than for me to rehabilitate a 25 year old former
relationship with her if not for the two of them
then for the sake of the children as well, or more
so, it would be better. But if that is “impossible” I
am ALWAYS here for Melissa and part of the
larger community that cares for her children

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(whom I’ve never met) as well as her husband or
former husband (whom I would be upset with if
the story is true about him cheating on her but
would nonetheless pray for repentance,
forgiveness, and redemption).
I will leave it at that for now and HOPE & PRAY
for the best, whatever the outcome may be.

Vander KOK, evangelist