Ashleigh Gentele Eng 101 Bolton 9 March 2014 Original Sentence: Every day we come across ads that

depict women as objects to sell a product such as the beer ads, the mens cologne commercials, and even womens perfumes. Corrected Sentence: Every day, we come across ads that depict women as objects to sell a product such as the beer ads, the mens cologne commercials, and even womens perfumes. Explanation: This sentence was wrong because Every day is a introductory phrase. An introductory phrase starts the sentence and the subject and verb come after the introduction on the sentence.

Original Sentence: The major message she sends is that advertisements tell people that the way women look physically is the most important; for instance a womens breast size or her tummy size. Corrected Sentence: The major message she sends is that advertisements tell people that the way women look physically is the most important; for instance, a womens breast size or her tummy size. Explanation: The phrase for instance needs a comma after it because it is a prepositional phrase. Prepositional phrase is used to refer to another sentence or a new idea, so for instance is used to refer to the new example of what women in ads are always showing or how they are drawing attention.

Original Sentence: She also makes the point that women are only depicted for portions of their bodies, such as the breast, this makes women and young girls feel as if these are the most important features of their bodies. Corrected Sentence: She also makes the point that women are only depicted for portions of their bodies, such as the breast. Depicting specific bodies part makes women and young girls feel as if these body parts are the most important features of their bodies. Explanation: This sentence had a comma splice so the comma was removed and a period was added. With the comma splice the comma split two completed sentences with a comma which is incorrect if they can stand on their own.

Original Sentence: In the advertisement for Viva Glam Rihanna, a famous singer is standing to her right side and nude against a white backdrop. Corrected Sentence: In the advertisement for Viva Glam, Rihanna, a famous singer is standing to her right side and nude against a white backdrop. Explanation: When introducing a famous singer you need to know who the singer is so when you interject her name you have to put it in a set of commas because the sentence could stand alone without her name but it helps to know which famous singer you are talking about.

Original Sentence: In the advertisement for Viva Glam, Rihanna, a famous singer is standing to her right side and nude against a white backdrop. Correction Sentence: In the advertisement for Viva Glam, Rihanna, a famous singer, is standing to her right side and nude against a white backdrop.

Explanation: When introducing Rihanna you need to know who she is so you interject a famous singer as a side note so you have to put it in a set of commas because the sentence could stand alone without her title but it helps to know what Rihanna does so you dont lose someone who doesnt know who she is.

Original Sentence: In the spotlight are the letters VG, this stands for Viva Glam. Correction Sentence: In the spotlight are the letters VG; standing for Viva Glam. Explanation: With the comma after VG causing a comma splice. This sentence had a comma splice so the comma was removed and a semicolon was added. With the comma splice the comma split two completed sentences with a comma which is incorrect if they can stand on their own.

Original Sentence: With her nudity, Rihanna uses her arms to hug her chest, this covering her breast. Correction Sentence: With her nudity, Rihanna uses her arms to hug her chest covering her breast. Explanation: No comma is needed after the word chest because the next part explains why she is doing this action and no pause is needed to explain why.

Original Sentence: Even though her arms are covering her breast your eyes are still drawn to that area. Correction Sentence: Even though her arms are covering her breast, your eyes are still drawn to that area.

Explanation: With the beginning Even though her arms are covering her breast is an introductory phrase. The introductions leads you to the next point which is telling you why the point was important.

Original Sentence: Even though her arms are covering her breast, your eyes are still drawn to that area. Correction Sentence: Even though her arms are covering her breast, ones eyes are still drawn to that area. Explanation: When typing a formal paper, second person should never be used. So I changed my second person your to third person ones.

Original Sentence: With Rihanna standing in the position she is, women begin to see that there just objects of interest in selling a product, not seen as people. Correction Sentence: With Rihanna standing in the position she is, women begin to see that their just objects of interest in selling a product, not seen as people. Explanation: In this sentence there is used as the person with ownership. The correction should be their.