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Cooking Show Script for Culinary Twist
Project ID: 795974
Courtney D. Williams
dba Seventh Cloud Creative Solutions

MUSIC STARTS. CAMERA ZOOMS IN TO
COUNTER WHERE THREE BOTTLES OF
CULINARY TWIST SAUCE—MAYA BAY, BORA
BORA, AND BAJA—SIT. CAMERA PULLS BACK
TO SHOW ERIC AND LYNN BEHIND COUNTER.
MUSIC FADES.

ERIC (to camera, pleasantly): Hello, and welcome
to “The Twisted Table” with Culinary Twist. I’m
Eric, and this is my lovely wife and business
partner, Lynn.
LYNN (pleasantly): Hello there! Today, we’ll be
introducing you to some recipes that use our
delicious line of sauces, educating you about some
the ingredients, and, perhaps, showing off some of
our prized possessions!
ERIC (startled): Lynn, I don’t know if that’s the best
idea…perhaps…

LYNN (interrupting): Eric, what are we making
today?

ERIC (trying to sound upbeat but gritting teeth
and biting back tension): Well, Lynn, we were
going to make Maya Bay scallops, Baja Salsa, and
Bora Bora Ribs. But I’ve had to rethink that a bit
since you came home from the grocery store
without enough tomatoes for the salsa. We only
have one on hand.
LYNN HOLDS UP A PAPER BAG HEAVY WITH
QUINOA.

LYNN: But our friend brought us this beautiful
organic heirloom quinoa from her vacation at the
Bolivian salares. Salares means “salt flats.” She
was part of a culinary tour, and they were able to
experience a quinoa harvest first hand! She picked
this quinoa especially for us! (Anxiously): And she
said we’d be very pleased…
ERIC (suspiciously): How convenient. You forget
the tomatoes, but we suddenly have the world’s
best quinoa…I don’t suppose you planned this…I
know how much you love quinoa.
LYNN: Quinoa.
ERIC: Quinoa.
2


LYNN PUNCTUATES THE SYLLABLES IN THE
AIR WITH HER FINGER.
LYNN (slowly): No… quinoa.
ERIC FURROWS HIS EYEBROWS IN
CONFUSION—THEY ARE BOTH
PRONOUNCING IT CORRECTLY.

ERIC: Yes, quinoa.
LYNN (exasperated): Oh, you French Canadians!
(continuing, slowly): Quinoa.
ERIC: Oh, you English Canadians!—Quinoa-Eh?
LYNN SMILES AND NODS.

ERIC: Well, whatever it’s called, that’s not what
we had planned. Why quinoa? (Whispering): And
how did she get through customs with all this?
LYNN (ignoring his last question): Well, quinoa is a
really nutritious food. So much so that NASA
researched it decades ago, and found it an ideal
food for astronauts on long explorations. The
success of the ancient Incan empire is often
attributed to the fact that they could sustain their
population—and that of conquered tribes—on
quinoa. It’s very high in protein and contains a
balanced set of essential amino acids which makes
it a complete protein source. It is also a good
source of fiber and is gluten free. (Whispering:)
And I’m not sure how Charl--…
ERIC (Cutting her off quickly): Perhaps it’s best not
to say her name.
LYNN: Well I’m not sure how our friend got it here,
but one does not look a gift horse in the mouth!
Especially when it’s smuggling some of the best
chenopod the world has to offer! Our friend said
that this “quinoa real” variety (which means “true”
or “royal” in Spanish) grows in the area
surrounding the salt flats, which is near the crest
of the Andes. This area is covered in a crust of salt
several meters deep, the result of a series of
transformations in area lakes. The surrounding
area’s rich mineral soil and arid conditions produce
a seed that is 1/3 larger than in other areas.
ERIC (interrupting): And what about our viewers
who don’t want to venture too far off the
traditional culinary path? (Looking concerned,
whispering): And those who don’t wish to risk
being detained at customs?
3


LYNN: Eric, please. Quinoa has quickly gained
popularity in the states in recent years, but in
ancient Andean cultures, it was a staple along with
corn and potato. This is nothing like venturing off
the beaten path. It is more like rediscovering an
ancient gift from the earth, or…
ERIC (interrupting smiling uneasily into the
camera): one of history’s greatest treasures.
LYNN (smiling into the camera): It’s best that
these things are enjoyed by those who appreciate
them.
ERIC GRINS SHEEPISHLY INTO THE CAMERA.

LYNN: And those of you without smuggling friends
can simply buy a box at your local supermarket.
Now, Eric, I thought we could make a fresh quinoa
salad to accompany the ribs. We’ll only need one
tomahto.
ERIC (Recovering and regaining his enthusiasm):
So today we’ll be making Maya Bay Scallops, Baja
Quinoa Salad [emphasized as replacements for
the other dishes], and Bora Bora Ribs.
LYNN: Sounds great! Let’s get started by preparing
our organic quinoa. Oh, I am SO excited! Start by
rinsing the quinoa. This will remove saponins,
which are a naturally-occurring plant chemical that
can give the quinoa a bitter taste. In this case, it
will also remove any Bolivian dust that may still be
attached to the quinoa grains.
Eric: SEED
LYNN: Yes, thank you Eric. Although most people
incorrectly assume that quinoa is a grain, it’s
actually an edible seed called a chenopod, and its
plant is more closely related to spinach and beets
than to cereals and grains. Careful not to let the
Bolivian dust go down the drain…You’ll want to sift
through it for ancient Incan artifacts when you’re
done. (Pleased, as if she is expecting it): Oh! Like
this!
LYNN IS STARTLED AS SOMETHING FALLS
INTO THE SINK. SHE TAKES A QUICK LOOK.

ERIC (surprised and excited): Lynn, is that what I
think it is?
ERIC BECOMES NERVOUS AND TRIES TO HIDE
THE OBJECT.

ERIC (nervously in front of the camera): Maybe.
Probably not. No.
4


LYNN PICKS UP A DIRT-CRUSTED GOLD
IMPLEMENT FROM THE SINK AND HOLDS IT
UP FOR THE CAMERA. IT IS ABSURDLY BIG TO
BE HIDING IN A BAG OF QUINOA.

LYNN (to the camera): In the ancient Incan
civilization, quinoa was a sacred crop. They had
religious festivals where they made an offering of
quinoa to the sun god by putting it in a gold
fountain. In Cuzco, they worshipped entombed
quinoa seeds as the progenitors of their city.
(Slowly but excitedly, so that the audience
follows her train of thought): And our friend tells
us that each year, they used a special gold tool to
ceremoniously make the first furrow of that year’s
planting! Eric, I do believe this is…
ERIC: Lynn, I’m sure it’s just a piece of scrap metal.
Surely our friend would not have smuggled rare
and valuable ancient artifacts into the country for
us, under the guise of simple local delicacies….Let
me put that away, Lynn. Let’s get cooking.
THE CAMERA FOLLOWS AS ERIC OPENS THE
DOOR TO A PANTRY FILLED WITH OLD, RARE
RELICS FROM AROUND THE WORLD—A
CHALICE THAT LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE THE
HOLY GRAIL, A CHEST RESEMBLING THE ARK
OF THE COVENANT, VARIOUS TREASURES
AND RELICS, A MUMMY, AN OPULENT
SWORD, ETC. HE TRIES TO OPEN THE DOOR
DISCRETELY AND CLOSE IT QUICKLY, BUT
SOMETHING FALLS FROM A SHELF,
ALLOWING THE CAMERA A GLIMPSE OF THE
TREASURES. ERIC PUTS THE GOLD
IMPLEMENT CAREFULLY ON A SHELF, PICKS
UP WHAT HAS FALLEN AND CLOSES THE
DOOR QUICKLY.

LYNN: As I was saying, rinse the terra de Bolivia
from your quinoa seeds. Boil the quinoa for 10
minutes, rinse, and send to Patagonia to cool.
That’s where Bolivia sends its quinoa to chill, but if
you’re in a time-bind, an American nippy box will
do. You’ll end up with about 2 or 3 cups of light,
fluffy, chenopod.
5


ERIC (enthusiastically): Okay, I’ve got the Bora
Bora ribs in the oven already, so let’s check in on
these pristine porcine pieces. I strongly believe in
buying high-quality, natural meat. If your body is a
temple, why gorge yourself with the nutritional
equivalents of junkies and tramps when you can
enjoy the meat of fresh, clean, virgin pork ribs?
ERIC OPENS OVEN AND PULLS OUT A PAN OF
RIBS. CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON RIBS.

ERIC (continuing): For me, making ribs is a little bit
of a religious experience….
A BRIGHT LIGHT SHINES DOWN ON THE PAN
OF RIBS AND MUSIC LIKE A CHOIR OF ANGELS
RINGS OUT BRIEFLY, THEN STOPS QUICKLY
WITH A WAVE OF ERIC’S HAND. THE LIGHT
GOES OUT.

ERIC (continuing):...Like religion and politics,
cooking methods for ribs can polarize people. But
I think—whether you prefer to slow bake, boil,
steam, or use some combination—we’re all united
by our love of meat…so can’t we all just get
along?...What I did with these is pretty easy and
it’ll turn ordinary ribs into heavenly ribs. If you
have a favorite way to prepare ribs, you can just
use the Bora Bora as a finishing sauce, but this is
the way I find works best. Now the Culinary Twist
Bora Bora sauce is what you’d get if the holy trinity
of sauces—chutney, steak sauce, and barbeque
sauce—had a baby.
LYNN (disgusted): Now that’s a controversial
statement.
ERIC: But a delicious result.
ERIC CLOSES THE OVEN DOOR AND STEPS
OVER TO A SECOND, UNPREPARED, RACK OF
RIBS ON THE COUNTER.

ERIC: Start by disrobing the ribs of their
membrane.
ERIC SLIPS A KNIFE UNDER THE MEMBRANE
AND STARTS TO PEEL THE SKIN OFF,
HOLDING ON WITH A PAPER TOWEL.

LYNN CRINGES.

LYNN: Eric, why are you removing this?
ERIC PUTS SARAN WRAP FROM THE RIBS
OVER LYNN’S OPEN MOUTH. HE BRUSHES
SAUCE OVER THE WRAP TO SHOW THAT
NOTHING PENETRATES THE FILM. LYNN
TRIES TO PROTEST IN A MUFFLED VOICE.
ERIC: Well, dear. This membrane is like a plastic
film and prevents the meat from benefiting from
the sauce. Tell me, are the flavors sinking in?
6


LYNN SHAKES HER HEAD, PEELS PLASTIC
WRAP AWAY, TIDIES HER HAIR AND FACE.

LYNN: I see.
ERIC: Now that the ribs are disrobed, place them
in a shallow dish and lather on some Culinary Twist
Bora Bora sauce on both sides. This is a sauce
that’s tangy and bold, but a little bit fruity too. It’s
perfect for any type of meat, even veggies…
LYNN: You can even make a quick spread by
pouring some Bora Bora sauce over some softened
cream cheese and serve it with crackers.
ERIC PLACES THE MARINATING RIB DISH IN
THE REFRIGERATOR AND TURNS BACK TO
THE CAMERA.


ERIC: Put them in the nippy box and let them
bathe in privacy for 4-8 hours, turning them
occasionally, without peeking, of course. They’re
very modest. After 4-8 hours, preheat your oven to
275, and remove the ribs from their tub—you can
throw out the remaining marinade, but be careful
not to toss out the baby back with the bathwater.
ERIC SMILES, PROUD OF HIS JOKE, AND
MOVES THE RIBS TO A SECOND PAN. HE
THROWS THE EXCESS SAUCE OUT THE OPEN
WINDOW, WHICH GETS SPLATTERED. HE
FROWNS, AND THEN COVERS THE PAN OF
RIBS WITH FOIL WHILE HE TALKS.

ERIC (continuing): …Put the ribs in a pan, covering
them with foil. Slow bake them for about 2 ½
hours. While those bake, let’s get on with our Baja
Quinoa Salad.
LYNN GETS A COOL BOWL OF QUINOA FROM
THE REFRIGERATOR.

LYNN: As I was saying, quinoa is a grain-like crop,
but since it is not a member of the grass family, it
isn’t a true grain or cereal.
ERIC: As can be said for many people, quinoa is
nothing like the closest members of its family—a
motley crew of beets, spinach, and tumbleweeds.
LYNN: Yes, it’s the black sheep of the chenopod
family. But remember: in the ancient Incan
culture, quinoa was considered sacred.
ERIC (proud of his play on words): The holy grail of
grain!
LYNN: (To Eric): It’s NOT a grain. (To the
camera):…Until the Europeans came along and
forbid its cultivation, considering it a heathen crop.
7


ERIC (smiling): Cereal killers.
LYNN: Eric, I said it’s not a cereal.
ERIC TURNS AND GLANCES WITH
ANNOYANCE AT LYNN. ERIC STRAINS A CAN
OF BLACK BEANS, REACHES FOR THE CAN OF
CORN.

ERIC (continuing): Next, rinse and strain 1 cup of
canned black beans, and drain a can of corn. You’ll
only use about half of the can of corn, so put the
rest aside in the nippy box.
LYNN: Use the special colander, Eric.
ERIC REACHES FOR A COLANDER ON THE
COUNTER WHILE LYNN GOES TO THE PANTRY
AND REMOVES A COLANDER THAT IS
ENCRUSTED IN DIRT AND SEAWEED.

ERIC: This one will do just fine, dear.
LYNN: What’s the sense of having nice things if
you can’t use them? That’s what I always say.
(Matter-of-factly, holding up the rusted
colander): This colander was used on the Titanic. I
like to think that it helped prepare the last meal of
those on the ship. I hope it was a splendid meal.
Our friend Arthur helped shoot the footage they
have of the actual wreck—you know, the footage
they show on the commercials for the 3D movie.
Arthur thought we’d appreciate this memento.
He’s the one shooting this video actually.
A HAND COMES OUT IN FRONT OF THE
CAMERA AND WAVES FRANTICALLY. A
MUFFLED VOICE SPEAKS.


MUFFLED VOICE FROM BEHIND CAMERA
(nervously): Just a reproduction, Lynn, sorry to
say.
LYNN looks confused.

LYNN: But, Arthur, you said…
ERIC (interrupting quickly): Okay, we can talk to
Arthur later, Lynn….Getting back to recipe, so now
you have your strained and rinsed can of black
beans and half of your can of drained corn… We
need some onion, tomato, pepper, and cilantro.
Can you help me with some prep work?
LYNN: Of course.
ERIC (to Lynn): Dice up about half of that sweet
onion, nice and fine.
LYNN BEGINS DICING AN ONION SHE FINDS
ON THE COUNTER.

8


ERIC: And I’ll be chopping up about ½ a cup of
fresh cilantro.
ERIC TAKES A KNIFE AND BEGINS CHOPPING
CILANTRO.

ERIC (continuing): In the US, we refer to this plant
as cilantro, but in many parts of the world, it’s
called coriander, the term we use here for the
plant’s seeds. Cilantro is another very
controversial topic. Especially if you’re discussing
it with Julia Child, or a contributing member of
Ihateciilantro.com. Apparently, there is a group of
people out there who vehemently HATE cilantro.
But just like quinoa, secretly hoarding sought-after
international treasures, and exploring the history
of food, we LOVE cilantro.
LYNN: Cilantro’s history can be traced back to
5,000 BC. It was mentioned in the Old Testament,
and cultivated in Egypt. The ancient Romans and
Greeks used it as a spice, and Hippocrates used it
for various medical ailments. This particular
cilantro came from King Tut’s tomb—it was chock
full of the stuff, you know. Our friend Sam is an
archeologist assigned to the most top-secret
expeditions. He often brings us thoughtful
souvenirs.
ERIC WAVES A SPRIG OF CILANTRO UNDER
HIS NOSE WITH PLEASURE. THEN LOOKS UP,
STARTLED THAT LYNN IS IMPLICATING
ANOTHER FRIEND. HE TRIES TO DISTRACT
HER WITH THE TOMATO.

ERIC: Tomato.
ERIC HOLDS UP A TOMATO AND BEGINS TO
DICE IT.

LYNN (correcting): Tomahto.
ERIC (ignoring her): Bell pepper—green or red, as
you prefer.
ERIC HANDS THE PEPPER TO LYNN, WHO
STARTS DICING IT INTO SMALL PIECES.

ERIC: A person’s love or hate of cilantro may be
genetic. We hope that those who dislike it
eventually become extinct…
LYNN: Like the dinosaur, whose femur is in the
pantry. They make for excellent stock.
9


ERIC (trying to talk over her): If natural selection
really works, everyone will share our palates’
preferences within the next few generations, I’m
sure… Cilantro is such a delicate herb
so…mistreated and misunderstood. I’m sorry,
Lynn, I know this is hard for you…
LYNN WIPES AWAY A TEAR.

LYNN (completely unemotionally): Oh. No. It’s
just the onions.
ERIC: Anyway, here we are with our chopped
cilantro, onion, tomato and peppers.
ERIC HOLDS UP CHOPPED CILANTRO, ONION,
PEPPER, AND TOMATO FOR THE CAMERA.


ERIC: So, adulterate the quinoa with all the other
ingredients—the black beans, the corn and
tomatoes, and pepper and onion and cilantro…
ERIC POURS THE TOMATO, CORN, CILANTRO,
BEANS, PEPPERS, AND ONIONS INTO THE
BOWL WITH THE QUINOA.

ERIC: …together with ¼ to ½ cup of Culinary Twist
Baja sauce. …
ERIC MEASURES AND POURS BAJA SAUCE ON
TOP OF INGREDIENTS, BUT DOES NOT STIR
YET.

ERIC: The Baja sauce is a smoky, sweet, citrusy
blend with just a little bit of heat. It’s great on
meat, fish, veggies—you can use it as a marinade,
as a sauce, as a dip…it’s really versatile.
LYNN MOTIONS FOR ERIC TO STIR THE
INGREDIENTS TOGETHER.

LYNN: Eric, time to stir up something besides
trouble. (Snidely): Sleep with one eye open, Eric, I
haven’t forgotten the plastic wrap incident.
ERIC SHOOTS LYNN A LOOK AND BEGINS
MIXING ALL INGREDIENTS IN THE BOWL.

ERIC (whispering to Lynn): At least you were quiet
for a few seconds! Weren’t spilling our secrets to
the world….(To camera): …add salt and additional
sauce to taste…
ERIC TASTES THE SALAD, ADDS A DASH OF
SALT AND ANOTHER DRIZZLE OF SAUCE AND
CONTINUES MIXING.

10


ERIC (continuing): …then cover it and refrigerate
until it’s ready to serve. You can also stuff the
mixture into halved bell peppers with the seeds
removed, and bake at about 325 for 50 minutes.
You can top with cheese and bake for an
additional ten minutes if you wish.
ERIC PUTS SARAN WRAP OVER THE DISH AND
PUTS IT IN THE REFRIGERATOR. WHEN HIS
BACK IS TURNED LYNN SMILES SLYLY AND
PUTS THE SARAN WRAP IN A DRAWER,
ALONG WITH A MYSTERIOUS ANTIQUE VIAL
OF LIQUID FROM THE PANTRY, HIDING IT FOR
LATER WHEN SHE’LL GET HER REVENGE.

LYNN (Smiling to the camera, while Eric’s back is
turned): I know what you’re thinking, but it’s
nothing too diabolical. Let’s just say he’ll have a
restful night’s sleep. Or three. (To Eric): Alright!
That was easy!
ERIC: You know, it is a really easy dish…and it’s
great to bring to a barbeque or a pot-luck, or make
it in the morning for dinner that night if you have
company coming and don’t want to be messing
around in the kitchen while you’re trying to visit.
ERIC TIDIES UP THE COUNTER IN
PREPARATION FOR THE NEXT DISH.

LYNN: So, what’s next? Are we on to the scallops?

ERIC: Yup, Maya Bay Scallops. Maya Bay is a Thai
inspired sauce that is great on seafood or
chicken…It’s got balsamic vinegar in it, so it also
makes a great salad dressing or bread dipper right
out of the bottle.
LYNN: Can I make this dish?
ERIC: Ah, you want this one all to yourself—feeling
a little shellfish? … Sorry, I couldn’t resist!
LYNN (correcting him): Very funny, Eric, but
actually, scallops are related to oysters, not
shellfish, though they’re in a shell.
ERIC: So anyway, begin with 12 scallops and pat
them with a paper towel to remove the excess
water.
11


AFTER LYNN STARTS TALKING ABOUT PEARLS,
ERIC IS MOTIONING TO THE CAMERA TO CUT.
WHEN THE CAMERA CONTINUES TO ROLL,
ERIC ROLLS HIS EYES IN EXASPERATION.
LYNN: Be sure to check your oysters for pearls.
Unlike their relative the oysters, where most
pearls come from, it’s rare that scallops produce
these treasures. So when they do, it’s exciting to
say the least! Scallop pearls are rare, and their
reflective surface has a unique 3D effect. They are
often a maroon or purple color, and most are
small. As I said, a scallop pearl is EXTREMELY rare,
and a large scallop pearl would be quite unusual.
But the seafood clerks can be careless, and you
wouldn’t want to chip a tooth, so I encourage you
to take a look before cooking. (Pleased, slyly):
Oops, looks like they’ve missed another one.
LYNN LOOKS OVER THE SCALLOP AND FINDS
A HUGE PEARL, AND ADDS IT TO THE
TREASURES IN THE PANTRY.

LYNN: Eric and I find little bonus gifts in the
majority of the raw ingredients we prepare. Some
might say we’re lucky. But it helps to know the
right people. (Winks.)
ERIC PATS THE SCALLOPS DRY. LYNN HANDS
HIM A HEAVY SKILLET.


ERIC: Heat a heavy skillet, and then add enough
peanut or corn oil to cover the bottom of the pan.
ERIC PUTS THE PAN ON THE BURNER, ADDS
THE OIL.


ERIC (continuing): Add the scallops—keep some
distance between them, they like their personal
space and get a bit claustrophobic—and let them
sit until they are golden brown—don’t move them.
ERIC ADDS THE SCALLOPS TO THE PAN.

LYNN: Throughout history, scallop shells have
been considered a symbol of fertility, and the
scallop’s relative—the oyster—is considered an
aphrodisiac…but scallops also have religious
connotations. The story goes that St. James
rescued a drowning man, and as he pulled him
from the sea, they were both covered in scallop
shells, so St. James became associated with the
scallop shell. Christians from all over the world
made the pilgrimage to St. James’s tomb in
Northern Spain and their way was marked with
empty scallop shells. Upon completion of their
pilgrimage, they wore scallop shells on their
cloaks. Scallops are mentioned in print as a food
as early as 1280, when Marco Polo records seeing
them sold in a marketplace in China.
12


LYNN GOES TO THE PANTRY AND REMOVES
AN ANCIENT LOOKING BOOK. ON THE
COVER, IN OLD-STYLE SCRIPT, “MY DIARY, BY
MARCO POLO” IS ENSCRIBED. ERIC TRIES TO
WRESTLE THE BOOK AWAY FROM HER.

LYNN (reading from the diary, as Eric tries to get
it away): “Dear Diary. Today, the marketplace
within the high walls of the city offered the most
delectable treasure from the sea. They are meaty
medallions from a creature called a “scallop.” I
ordered a #5 combination plate—which consisted
of three large scallops, a generous serving of fried
rice, and an egg roll, served in a series of white
boxes with unnecessary wire handles. It came
with many small plastic packets of various sauces,
too much for one person to use in a lifetime. The
best thing about Chinese food is that it seems to
always be ready in ten minutes. They say it had no
MSG, whatever that is. My fortune cookie tells me
that my travels will continue….All I know is, this
Genghis Khan guy is a maniac, but he seems to like
me well enough. Love, Marco. “ (Pointing to the
diary): Now that’s what I call a rare first edition!
ERIC GIVES UP AND CHECKS THE SCALLOPS.

ERIC: Okay, these look good. So, we’ll flip them
and let them cook on the other side. In the
meantime, we’ve had a plate in the oven to
warm…
LYNN HANDS ERIC A WARM PLATE FROM THE
OVEN.

ERIC (continuing): Now that these are done, we’ll
transfer the seared scallops to the warm plate.
Now, turn off the heat, and deglaze the pan with
about ½ of a bottle of Maya Bay sauce. Scrape
any bits into the sauce.
ERIC STIRS PAN SCRAPINGS INTO THE SAUCE.

ERIC (continuing): Set the pan aside while you
plate the scallops…
ERIC PUTS THREE SCALLOPS EACH ON FOUR
PLATES.


ERIC (continuing): …and drizzle them with the
warm Maya Bay sauce. Garnish the plates with a
generous handful of cilantro.
ERIC TOSSES CILANTRO ONTO THE SCALLOPS.

LYNN: Eric, what about the ribs we started earlier?
13


ERIC: Oh, they still need quite awhile in the oven,
but after about 2 ½ hours, they’ll look like this…
ERIC PULLS A FULLY-BAKED RACK OF RIBS
FROM THE COUNTER AND TILTS THEM UP
FOR THE CAMERA. THE BRIGHT LIGHT ONCE
AGAIN SHINES DOWN ON THE RIBS, AND THE
CHOIR OF ANGELS RISES BRIEFLY. ERIC CUTS
THEM OFF WITH A WAVE OF HIS HAND.

ERIC: You’ll want to finish them on the grill, so
prepare the grill to medium-hot, and throw the
ribs on there. Slather both sides with the Bora
Bora, like you’re sponge-bathing a baby, and
repeat until they’re done to perfection. Serve
them with a generous helping of Bora Bora sauce
on the side, and devour.
ERIC HOLDS UP A PLATE OF FINISHED AND
DRESSED RIBS.

LYNN: There you have it: Maya Bay Scallops, Baja
Quinoa Salad, and Bora Bora Ribs.
WEBSITE URL FLASHES ON SCREEN. ERIC: Now, you can get any of the sauces used in
these recipes on our website, or on the shelves of
your favorite grocery store (assuming your favorite
grocery store is one that’s listed on our website.)
And if your store doesn’t carry it, ask for it! Our
distribution is always expanding.
LYNN: And if you have the same grocery store as
we do, ask for Jose in the fish department. Tell
him we sent you. (Whispers to Eric and smiles:)
My strand of rare pearls is half-completed.
ERIC SMILES BROADLY FOR THE CAMERA,
TRYING TO DISTRACT THE AUDIENCE FROM
LYNN.

ERIC: Thanks for joining us at “The Twisted Table”!
We hope your day will be a saucy one!
[MUSIC STARTS. CAMERA PANS TO THREE
SAUCE BOTTLES. TEXT ON SCREEN READS:
“FIND RECIPES AND RETAILERS, AND BUY
CULINARY TWIST SAUCES ONLINE AT
WWW.CULINARYTWIST.COM.” IN THE
BACKGROUND, LYNN IS SPEAKING AS SHE
PULLS TWO PRECIOUS-LOOKING, BEJEWELED
CHALICES FROM THE MYSTERIOUS PANTRY
AND POURS A GLASS OF WINE FOR HERSELF
AND ERIC. INTO ERIC’S SHE POURS A FEW
DROPS FROM THE ANTIQUE VIAL. SHE DOES
NOT SEEM TO REALIZE THAT THE CAMERA IS
STILL ON.
LYNN (pleased, agreeably): Well, that was a pretty
good haul today…a large scallop pearl, an ancient
Incan furrowing implement…(fades out)
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