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Title: Influencing, Interpersonal and Leadership Skills
Compiled by: Dean Amory
Co"er #icture by: $connors % $orgue&ile
#ublisher: 'dgard Adriaens, (elgium
* Copyright +,-., 'dgard Adriaens, (elgium, / All 0ights 0eser"ed!
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"# I$%L&'$C' A$D ('RS&ASI)$
"# *anagetrainlearn+s Influencing and $egotiating Skills
-! 1hat is Influence3
+! 1hy Influence $atters
4! The 1ind and the Sun
.! 1here Influence 1orks
5! Influence and $oti"ation
6! 1e Are 'asily Influenced
7! Conscious Influence
8! &irst, (uild 0apport
9! $atching Techni:ues
-,! ;ey elements in successful influencing!
--! &actors in Influencing
-+! 1here <ou Start &rom
-.! Their Intelligence
-5! $eeting Their )eeds
-6! Different )eeds
-7! <our Credibility
-8! <our Arguments
-9! An Appeal &rom Aristotle
-9! Tactical Influencing
+-! $ake It Acceptable
++! <our Authority
+4! An Influencing Script
,# Influencing Skills
-! Direct influencing
+! Indirect influencing
4! Influencing your boss
.! The prince=s gift
5! Indirect influencing: 7 techni:ues
- 2hat if3
. "isual metaphor
5 repeated yes
6 modest diffidence
6! Don=t outshine the master
-# Linguistic .ools for Influencing
+! >se of name
4! $ind reading
.! Lost performati"e
5! Cause and effect relationships
7! >ni"ersal beliefs
8! Tag :uestions
9! 'mbedded commands
/# (oerful (ersuasion .echni0ues
-! Appeal to identity
+! >se hierarchy of "alues
4! In"oke emotions
5! Sho2 the conse:uences
6! Ask :uestions
7! 0eframe possible ob?ecti"es
8! >se :uotes
9! 'mploy metaphors
-,! Compliment and flatter
--! Sho2 no gray area
-+! (elong to a special group
-4! @a"e them make a commitment
-.! Change their life
-5! A"ercome inertia
-6! Add presupposition
-7! >se rhetorical :uestions and make claims
1# %rameork .heories for Applying (ersuasion and Influence .echni0ues
-! 0ank=s intensify and do2nplay model
+! $onroe=s moti"ated se:uence of persuasion steps
4! The integrity principle
2# Influence and (ersuasion in Sales
-! 'stablish a basis for persuasion
-! demonstrate understanding
+! generate a friendly, responsi"e en"ironment
4! pro"ide e"idence
.! demonstrate your eBpertise
+! #ersuasion during negotiation
-! unco"er the root of ob?ection
+! redirect prospect to focusing on product benefits
4! #ossible reasons of failure to close the deal
-! failure to create desire
+! failure to be percei"ed as an eBpert
.! adopt correct attitude
5! kno2 your ultimate conditions
3# %acilitating Change
-! Stages of Change
-! Defining and promoting the change
+! #lanning and implementing the change
4! 'ngaging people in change
.! $aintaining change
4# 5eha6iour Change
7# Cialdini+s Si! Las of (ersuasion
+! the siB la2 of persuasion, an o"er"ie2
-! the la2 of reciprocity
+! the la2 of consistency
4! the la2 of liking
.! the la2 of scarcity
5! the la2 of authority
6! the la2 of social proof
4! >sing the la2s of persuasion
.! 'thical issues
"8# (ersonal Influence: (reparation
,# I$.'R('RS)$AL A$D C)**&$ICA.I)$
-! The Cohari 1indo2
+! The ladder of inference
4! In:uiry "s! Ad"ocacy
.! (uilding and 0ebuilding Trust
5! 0eacting Skills
6! #olitical Sa""y
7! Team (uilding
9! 'motional Intelligence
-,! 0ational 'moti"e (eha"ior Therapy
-,! Success Strategies
-! Leadership characteristics
+! The fi"e le"els of leadership DCohn $aB2ellE
4! The ten leadership principles Dadapted from Cohn $aB2ellE
.! The +- Irrefutable La2s of Leadership DCohn $aB2ellE
5! The sources of po2er D&rench and 0a"enE
6! >se and effecti"eness of influence strategies D;ipnis, Schmidt and 1ilkinsonE
7! Se"en habits of highly effecti"e people DStephen Co"eyE
- #aradigms and principles
+ Se"en @abits, o"er"ie2
4 @abit -: (e pro/acti"e
. @abit +: (egin 2ith the end in mind
5 @abit 4: #ut first things first
6 #aradigms of interdependence
7 @abit .: Think 2in F 2in
8 @abit 5: Seek first to understand, than to be understood
9 @abit 6: SynergiGe
-, @abit 7: Sharpen the sa2
8! Leadership Styles
9! L$H relationships DDulebon, (ommer, (rouer and &errisE
-,! @o2 to incorporate leadership into your o2n life3
"# Influencing Skills
Understanding the power of influence to get what you want
< $';).IA.I$; S9ILLS
&nderstanding the poer of
influence in getting hat you ant
It is no2 2idely recogniGed that, in most situations, authoritarian 2ays of managing
people do not 2ork! Instead of getting people to do 2hat 2e 2ant, the authoritarian
approaches of II kno2 bestI and IIJm in chargeI end up causing antagonism, anger and
a ?ob not done! In place of dictating skills, people 2ho 2ant to 2ork 2ith others use
influencing skills! These skills use non/forceful techni:ues to 2ork 2ith people rather
than against them! As a result, relationships impro"e, people feel "alued and the ?ob
Aims of this Course
(y the end of this course, you 2ill be able to!!!
- define IinfluenceI
- name 5 factors that lead to success in influencing
- suggest 5 influencing skills
- gi"e 4 2ays to increase your credibility
- suggest 5 2ays to appear more authoritati"e
-! 1hat is Influence3
+! 1hy Influence $atters
4! The 1ind and the Sun
.! 1here Influence 1orks
5! Influence and $oti"ation
6! 1e Are 'asily Influenced
7! Conscious Influence
8! &irst, (uild 0apport
9! $atching Techni:ues
-,! ;ey elements in successful
--! &actors in Influencing
-+! 1here <ou Start &rom
-.! Their Intelligence
-5! $eeting Their )eeds
-6! Different )eeds
-7! <our Credibility
-8! <our Arguments
-9! An Appeal &rom Aristotle
-9! Tactical Influencing
+-! $ake It Acceptable
++! <our Authority
+4! An Influencing Script
"# What is Influence=
- The 2ord IinfluenceI comes from the Latin IinI meaning IinI and IfluereI: Ito flo2I!
- Influence K the po2er to produce an effect, often unobtrusi"ely DABford 'nglish
- IInfluence is the ability to affect othersJ thoughts, feelings and actions / seen only in its
effects / 2ithout eBertion of force or formal authority!I D'laina LuckerE
- IInfluence is the process by 2hich one person modifies the attitudes and beha"iour of
another person! #o2er is the means by 2hich he or she does it!I
- MInfluence is getting people to do something or to think or beha"e in a certain 2ayN
D>S Department of @omeland Security % &'$AE
- Arganisations are fine 2ea"es of influencing patterns 2here indi"iduals seek to get
others to think or act in certain 2ays!I
.he to types of influence
#ositional influence results from a designated position that is responsible for guiding
others! #ositional influence is 2hen a person is elected or appointed to a position such
as a mayor, or manager!
The best uses of positional influence are 2hen there are strict rules and established
procedures, 2hen automatic compliance is re:uired, to recogniGe and strengthen good
performance and to deal 2ith performance or conduct issues!
The do2nside of positional influence is that it generally results in compliance, not
commitment: people do 2hat you 2ant to because you=re the boss!
(ersonal or interpersonal Influence
>nlike positional influence, DinterEpersonal influence is based on trust, support and
collaboration and has to be de"eloped or earned! <ou build DinterEpersonal influence as
you build relationships and gain kno2ledge and eBperience in your ?ob, demonstrating
your o2n :ualities and skills, such as:
/ building trust and reliability through talking the 2alk and 2alking the talk, honest
communication, respect one another=s kno2ledge, skills and abilities, maintain
/ good listening, communication and reacting skills: acti"e listening, paraphrasing and
reflecting feelings, effecti"e balancing of in:uiry and ad"ocacy, effecti"e speaking and
inter"ie2ing skills, distinguishing bet2een emotion and content!
/ attending and encouraging
/ a sense of humour
/ facilitating change: being able to communicate change effecti"ely
/ eBert your personal influence to achie"e your goals
DInterEpersonal skills results in commitment to the task or purpose: people decide that
they 2ant to 2ork 2ith you to get the ?ob done!
The best uses of DinterEpersonal influence is 2hen you ha"e no direct authority o"er
others, 2hen a Mbuy/inN is re:uired, 2hen creati"ity and to/2ay information sharing is
re:uired, 2ith professionals 2ho eBpect tot be treated 2ith respect and to 2ork
collaborati"ely, for team/building, for responding to change!
Core elements of personal influence
#ersonal influence in"ol"es three core elements: MIN, M<ouN and M1eN!
'ach element reflects on attitude! 1hen you adopt these attitudes, you tend to act in a
2ay that contributes to effecti"e personal influence!
This element reflects the attitude: MI am a trust2orthy allyN!
It in"ol"es taking actions that demonstrate your personal reliability, competence and
#eople learn about you from 2hat you say and ho2 you act! They determine 2hether
you are trust2orthy based on your actions and 2ill notice :uickly if your actions do not
correspond 2ith your 2ords!
'Bamples of actions that can destroy your credibility include: criticiGing people behind
their back, passing the buck and repeating confidential information to others!
This element reflects the attitude: M<ou are a "aluable resourceN!
It in"ol"es sho2ing the other person that you "alue a 2orking relationship 2ith them!
'Bamples include asking for their opinions and ideas and sho2ing appreciation for their
This element reflects the attitude: M1e can accomplish this togetherN!
The MIN and M<ouN elements together allo2 you to build an influence relationship! After
you="e done that, you can use the relationship to 2ork together to sol"e problems and
accomplish your goals!
,# Why Influence *atters
Influencing others is a "itally important and rele"ant skill for our times! This is
O people are less inclined than in the past to accept naked sho2s of organisational
po2er! <ou may think you ha"e succeeded 2hen you impose your 2ill on others but you
may only ha"e sent resentment underground!
O there is a greater recognition today that to get anyone to do 2hat 2e 2ant re:uires
more than simple threats and bribes! 1e need to be more subtle and responsi"e to
O organisations recogniGe that brute force and conflict are usually counter/producti"e and
2asteful of time and energy!
-# .he Wind and the Sun
The follo2ing fable is told by Aesop:
The )orth 2ind and the sun 2ere ha"ing an argument as to 2hich 2as the more
po2erful and, not being able to agree, decided to put it to the test! They spied a
tra"eller and decided that 2hoe"er 2as the first to remo"e the tra"ellerJs coat 2ould be
The )orth 2ind tried first! @e ble2 a strong cold blast, but the more he ble2, the more
the tra"eller held his coat tight around him!
The sunJs turn came! @e began to shine on the tra"eller 2ith all his 2armth until the
tra"eller gre2 faint and, unable to bear it any longer, took off his coat and retreated to
the coolness of a nearby 2ood! Thus the sun 2as the 2inner!
$oral: Influence is greater than force!
/# Where Influence Works
<ou can choose to use influencing skills across a 2ide range of 2orkplace issues!!!
- to get something you 2ant that is in the possession of others or controlled by them
2ithout recourse to force or threats or manipulation
- to encourage people to change their habits, "ie2s, opinions, decisions, plans, actions,
- to affect the 2ay someone feels about you or others
- to help in facilitating a team of 2hich you are either leader or member
- to impro"e 2orkplace relationships
- to ha"e a say in the 2ay a person in a position of higher authority makes a decision
that affects you
- to ha"e an in"ol"ement in decisions in areas 2here you ha"e no direct line authority!
1# Influence and *oti6ation
Influencing skills are of crucial importance to those 2ho manage others because they are
an alternati"e and more effecti"e 2ay to moti"ate people!
&orce as a moti"ation tool in"ariably 2orks 2hen you 2ant someone to do something but
results in demoti"ated people 2ho plot re"enge!
#ersuasion as a moti"ating tool can be "ery effecti"e! #ersuasion makes use of strong
logical arguments to get someone to do something! Ane of the chief dra2backs to using
persuasion is that, if people can be persuaded one 2ay, they can ?ust as easily be
persuaded another 2ay by another e:ually po2erful argument!
Influence 2orks better than either force or persuasion! >nlike force, it doesnJt alienate
people! >nlike persuasion, it allo2s people the freedom to make up their o2n minds!
2# We Are 'asily Influenced
In -979, 1hite and $itchell carried out an eBperiment to sho2 ho2 easily 2e are
They put together t2o teams of undergraduates 2ho 2ere employed to do some stock
2ork for one of their professors!
In each team there 2as a IplantI: in one team a positi"e plant 2ho throughout the ?ob
2as primed to make positi"e comments such as Ithis is interesting 2orkIP and in the
other team a negati"e plant, primed to make comments such as Ithis is boring 2orkI!
At the end of the ?ob, both teams 2ere :uestioned! The team 2ith the positi"e plant
scored much higher on satisfaction ratings than the team 2ith the negati"e plant, thus
sho2ing that the plants in the teams had managed to influence the 2ay the rest of the
team thought about the ?ob!
3# Conscious Influence
1hile the "ast ma?ority of influencing happens 2ithout influencer or influencee noticing
it, influencing only becomes a practical skill 2hen it is practised consciously!
Da"id $cClelland of @ar"ard >ni"ersity disco"ered in his research that there are four key
elements in successful influencing! These are:
-! you must kno2 2hat end result you 2ant to achie"e
+! you must tune in to other peopleJs 2a"elengths
4! you must ha"e self/confidence
.! you must ha"e a desire for authority o"er others!
$cClelland then found that gi"en these factors an influencer can select from three
strategies! @e can simply tell someone 2hat to doP he can influence others by the use of
interpersonal skillsP or he can 2ork symbolically by setting an eBample 2hich others
4# %irst, 5uild Rapport
'stablishing rapport 2ith someone else is an important pre/condition to any attempt to
influence them! If you are 2anting to influence a stranger, for eBample someone
smoking in your train compartment, it is essential!
There are 4 keys to building rapport:
-! notice 2hat is going on in the other person! <ou donJt ha"e to be a psychologist to do
this, but you can obser"e from 2hat the other person is doing 2hat their likely mood,
thoughts and emotions are! <ou can also listen in an empathic 2ay
+! see things from the other personJs point of "ie2, 2hether you personally share this
"ie2 or not! This is kno2n as Ishifting perspecti"eI!
4! match their mo"ements, mood and thoughts to establish a pattern of liking and
harmony! <ou are then on each othersJ 2a"elength and can begin to influence them!
7# *atching .echni0ues
$atching is a po2erful rapport/building techni:ue! It is based on the principle that 2hen
others are like us, 2e like them more, find them less threatening and are prepared to
trust them enough to be influenced by them!
$atching is related to mimicking and mirroring but is distinctly different! $imicking
copies another personJs gestures and eBpressions 2ithout any attempt to empathise 2ith
them! Similarly, mirroring is an artificial and ob"ious form of copying someone else!
$atching, on the other hand, seeks to get inside the 2ay another person feels and
thinks! It is a genuine attempt to understand their frame of reference! So, if they see
things in a short/term frame of reference, matching attempts to see things the same
2ay! $atching can eBtend to ideas, moods, "alues and e"en belief systems!
"8# 9ey 'lements in Successful Influencing
There are four key elements in"ol"ed in successful influencing:
-! Set Clear Qoals
+! (uild 0apport : / be empathic Dkno2 2hat=s going on inside of othersE
/ put yourself in their place
/ match mo"ements, moods, "alues and thoughts
4! (e confident
.! Choose a strategy : / tell others 2hat to do
/ set eBample
/ influence others by the use of interpersonal skills
""# %actors in Influencing
There are se"en different factors in"ol"ed in influencing others! 1hile you may be
successful 2ith only one or t2o of these factors present, the chances are greater 2hen
all these factors are present!
-! 1here you start from! If the other person is diametrically opposed to your point of
"ie2, influencing them to change their "ie2 2ill be "ery difficult!
+! their intelligence le"el
4! 2hether the changes you propose meet the other personJs needs
.! your credibility
5! your arguments
6! 2hether you create the right conditions to encourage others to be influenced
7! ho2 authoritati"e you are!
",# Where @ou Start %rom
1hether you succeed in influencing someone to change their "ie2 / say, to yours or
someone you are lobbying for / depends on 2here they are at the start of your attempts
to influence them! There are fi"e key stages on the spectrum!
-! diametrically opposite your point of "ie2
+! more against your point of "ie2 than in fa"our of it
.! more for your point of "ie2 than against it
5! in agreement 2ith your point of "ie2!
The best you can usually hope for is to mo"e people by t2o notches on the scale! So you
2ould be succeeding if you managed to influence someone to mo"e from diametrically
opposite your point of "ie2 to a neutral position or from neutral to total agreement 2ith
The link bet2een influencing someone and liking them is 2ell/established: Dale Carnegie
2rote a best/selling book eBploring this link called I@o2 to 2in friends and influence
<ou canJt, of course, force people to like youP but one of the surest 2ays to get others to
like you is to make up your mind to unconditionally like them first! <ou 2ill also find
others start to like you if you concentrate on the things you ha"e in common rather than
the things that make you different!
Liking, or sociability, 2as found to be a key influencing skill by ;ipnis! In his research he
found that the se"en most important influencing skills 2ere:
- forming coalitions,
- using reason,
- using authority,
- threatening sanctions!
"/# .heir Intelligence
0esearch has found that people at the higher and lo2er ends of the Intelligence Ruotient
DIRE scale are harder to influence than those in the middle!
The reason for this may be that those at the lo2er end of the IR scale are less likely to
understand strong arguments or be a2are of the need for personal change! ':ually, it
may be hard to influence those at the upper end of the IR scale because these are likely
to be people 2ho ha"e 2orked things out for themsel"es! They may not be intellectually
ready to accept that they should change their minds by someone else!
If you need to influence people 2ith closed minds, you may need to abandon the use of
rational arguments and rely on another approach such as the needs approach!
"1# *eeting .heir $eeds
1e all rely on others to satisfy our needs, 2hether they are basic physical needs, social
needs, needs of recognition or lo"e and emotional needs!
If you can put your finger on 2hat othersJ psychological needs are, you can help them
meet those needs, and thereby influence their thinking and feeling! This is the basis of
traditional approaches to moti"ation at 2ork in 2hich 2e supply money, security,
recognition and so on to meet peopleJs needs!
It is important to recognise that meeting othersJ needs can 2ork bene"olently or
male"olently! $ale"olent influence / in 2hich you influence others manipulati"ely,
against their o2n interests or to immoral and illegal ends / does not form any part of
honest 2ays of managing others!
"2# Different $eeds
<ou can influence others by finding out ho2 people see things and 2hat they need from
-! If you kno2 someone likes to be needed, DguardianE, say
ICan you help me 2ith this, 'laine!!!3I
+! If you kno2 someone likes to be liked, Dguardian, idealistE, say
I<ou 2ere great 2ith those customers, $ark! I ha"e a similar problem IJd like your
4! If you kno2 someone likes to feel special, DidealistE, say
I<ou usually ha"e an interesting angle, Ali! 1hat do you think about this!!!3I
.! If you kno2 someone likes to think things out, DrationalistE, say
II donJt understand 2hat that means! 1hat do you think, $aureen3I
5! If you kno2 someone likes to be certain of things, DguardianE, say
I@o2 can 2e make sure of this, Sheila3I
6! If you kno2 someone likes to be doing things rather than discussing them, DartisanE,
say I1hat do 2e need to do3I
(asically, 2hat most people 2ant to kno2 is:
- Do you care for me3
- Can you help me3
- Can I trust you3
Aften it 2ill be a good idea to begin asking: @o2 can I help3 1hat can I do for you3
Ar to sho2 admiration by asking for a fa"our!
"3# @our Credibility
Qetting others to belie"e in you is 2hat is meant by your credibility rating! 1hen your
credibility rating is high, you are likely to ha"e more success in influencing others!
There are se"en 2ays to increase your credibility:
O ha"e a good track record of influencing others positi"ely
O get people to belie"e in 2hat you say
O put together a good case
O tailor your arguments to each person
O use more than one argument
O con"ince people that you 2ould use force if you had to
O do 2hat you promise to do!
ITo please people is a great step to2ards persuading them!I D#hilip Dormer Stanhope,
-69. / -77.E
"4# @our Arguments
#resenting a good case, tailoring it to those you 2ant to influence and being fleBible
means ha"ing plenty of #ush and #ull arguments!
(ush arguments use reason, logic and 2eight of argument!
They are the kind of arguments ineBperienced influencers use for most of the time!
(ull arguments use empathy, feeling and attempts to understand 2hat others need
They are used more fre:uently by eBperienced influencers!
<ou can adapt your arguments to suit your audience!
An audience of male managers only interested in the bottom line may be predominantly
interested in your push arguments, 2hile an audience of female front/line customer staff
may be more interested in your pull arguments!
-! sho2, don=t tell
+! you don=t push rope, you pull itS
"7# An Appeal %rom Aristotle
Aristotle, one of ancient Qreece=s greatest minds, identified 4 appeals 2hich 2ere used
by speakers of his time! @e called them: ethos, logos and pathos!
'thos appeals are based on ethics and reputation! This could include endorsements from
key people, building credibility, or citing eBpert testimony! 'thos is Qreek for
Logos appeals are based on logic, and include statistics, facts and e"idence!
(athos appeals are based on emotion! This could range from fear of something you
don=t 2ant to happen to hope for something you do 2ant to happen!
>sing all three kinds of appeals together 2ill boost your persuasi"e po2er!
,8# .actical Influencing
An Influencing Strategy 2orks best 2hen used 2ith siB tactical conditions:
-! A raising of the a2areness of the need for change! This uses the stealth approach by
influencing people gradually o"er a period of time until they can see no alternati"e to
+! A repetition of your arguments although not so much that you frighten people off!
4! A creating of uncertainty in people=s minds! 1hen most people begin to ha"e doubts,
they seek some kind of authoritati"e opinion to restore their mental balance!
.! Suggesting action 2hich does not commit people and allo2s them a 2ay out if they
don=t like it!
5! A sense of urgency that, unless people make up their minds soon, an important
opportunity 2ill be missed!
6! Sho2 passion and enthusiasm
,"# *ake It Acceptable
In her book, IThe Change $astersI, 0osabeth $oss ;anter argues that if you 2ant
others to accept a change, you must use certain tactics to make the change appear
So, 2hen you present an idea, make it sound!!!
- triable: for eBample, 2eJll run a pilot first
- re"ersible: then they can go back to the old 2ay if they donJt like it!
- di"isible: if they donJt like one aspect, 2e can ditch that and keep the rest!
- concrete: tell them ho2 it affects the bottom line!
- familiar: eBplain the change in terms they understand!
- congruent: set proposals that fit in 2ith 2hat is already happening!
- seBy: make it attracti"e, fashionable, eBciting to the po2ers/that/be and high/
,,# @our Authority
An appearance of authority al2ays aids the influencing process! #o2er negotiations are
one eBample 2here you need to let the other side kno2 you ha"e authority! Another
eBample is 2hen a customer has a complaint and demands to see someone Iin
To appear authoritati"e!!!
-! @a"e plenty of ideas and information to dra2 on!
+! Claim territoryP play at homeP look relaBed and in charge!
4! Speak slo2ly and deliberately!
.! Anly change your mind for your reasons and not theirs!
5! A"oid o"ert threatsP punishing others is a sign of fear!
6! (e proacti"e not reacti"e!
7! Qet more information than you gi"e!
8! DonJt take too many notes! If you need to! Do so out of sight of the other side!
,-# An Influencing Script
Cohn 2anted the team to accept ne2 2orking arrangements! Although he kne2 he had
the po2er to make them accept the changes, he 2anted to take them 2ith him so he
decided on a plan of influencing!
&irst, he listened to their "ie2s! @e found to his surprise that some of the team 2erenJt
so far a2ay from his "ie2s but there 2ere areas they 2ere 2orried about! During the
meetings he introduced a note of uncertainty about the di"isionJs future!
A"er the neBt fe2 2eeks, Cohn mentioned the ne2 arrangements at e"ery opportunity!
@e used a range of arguments in fa"our of the plan and emphasised ho2 they 2ould
meet the teamJs needs! Cohn a"oided any direct confrontation 2ith the team, 2orked on
appearing calm and in control and let them kno2 he 2as totally committed to the plan
himself! In time, e"ery one of them took up the scheme 2ith enthusiasm!
- Influencing 2orks 2here force and persuasion donJt!
- 1hen 2e are in a position to influence others, 2e can simply tell them 2hat to do,
use our interpersonal skills or simply set them an eBample!
- 'stablishing rapport 2ith others is a necessary pre/condition to influencing them!
- 1here you both start from determines ho2 likely you 2ill be to change another
- It is easier to influence those 2ith a"erage IRJs than those at the eBtremes!
- $ale"olent influencing does not form any part of genuine 2ays of managing others!
%ill in the 5lanks
Aptions are: male"olent, pull, mind, like, diametrically, case, facilitating!
-! If you mo"ed someone 2ith a ______________ opposite "ie2 to neutral, you 2ould
be successfully influencing!
+! Influencing people manipulati"ely is ___________!
4! To make someoneJs _____ up, you can point to the urgency of a decision!
.! Influencing others is a key skill in ___________ team2ork!
5! <ou can eBtend your influence o"er others if you get them to ____ you!
6! >sing statistics, facts and ____ studies are eBamples of push arguments!
.rue or %alse
Decide 2hether the follo2ing statements are true or false!
-! All real influence is non/manipulati"e and happens 2ithout people noticing it! DTrueE
+! <our credibility as an influencer depends on 2hether your case is right or not! D&alseE
4! &orcing people to change their minds about something makes them less con"inced
than if they changed it themsel"es! DTrueE
.! @o2 successful you are in influencing someone depends on their starting point! DTrueE
5! It is much harder to influence someone 2ith a high IR than someone 2ith a lo2 IR!
6! #ush arguments are al2ays more effecti"e than pull ones! D&alseE
7! The more times you repeat your case, the more con"incing you become! D&alseE
*ultiple Choice "
1hich of the follo2ing is not one of the keys to successful influencing3
an ability to tune in to others
clear sight of your goal
a readiness to use force
*ultiple Choice ,
1hich of the follo2ing is least likely to influence someone to change their mind3
ha"ing a good case
setting an eBample
using interpersonal skills
telling them youCre right
*ultiple Choice -
1hich of the follo2ing influencing tactics is least likely to get someone to change3
gi6ing them no ay out
creating a need for change
*ultiple Choice /
1hich of the follo2ing 2ays to present an idea is is least likely to succeed3
Qi"e them a 2ay out
#ro"ide a benefit
$ake it fashionable
Imply it is a maDor change
*ultiple Choice 1
1hich of the follo2ing is least likely to make you look in command3
ha"ing lots of ideas
using o6ert threats
Re6ie of Aims
Influencing is the ability to affect othersJ thoughts, feelings and actions
2ithout the use of force!
$ame 1 factors that lead to success in influencing
&i"e factors that determine the success of influencing are:
the IR of the other person,
their needs, your arguments,
and your confidence!
Suggest 1 influencing skills
&i"e skills that lead to effecti"e influencing are:
the ability to like others,
;i6e - ays to increase your credibility
<ou can increase your credibility by:
putting a good case,
using more than one argument,
and doing 2hat you promised!
Suggest 1 ays to appear more authoritati6e
<ou appear more authoritati"e 2hen you
ha"e plenty of ideas,
and take the initiati"e!
MBecome a better manager, trainer, and learner with free online management training materials,
products and resources.” (Eric Garner)
MLeadership and influenceN, &'$A D&ederal 'mergency $anagement AgencyE, >S
Department of @omeland Security % Independent Study #rogram
,# Influencing Skills
$any of the situations 2e tend to 2orry about aren=t directly under our control, ho2e"er,
for instance ho2 our friends and partners treat us, 2hether or not 2e recei"e promotions
or contracts, or ho2 much help 2e get from others! #roblems 2ith situations like this
can often come up in our minds as should statements, such as MI shouldn=t ha"e to do
this 2ithout helpSN or MI deser"ed that raiseSN or MIt=s not fair that it=s raining the
2eekend 2e 2ere supposed to go campingSN
DA note: Mshould statementsN don=t necessarily contain the 2ord MshouldN! A should
statement is any thought or declaration declaring a need for someone or something else
to do or not do something!E
Should statements are a common eBample of a broken idea, a type of thinking that
creates unnecessary trouble! To regard situations 2here 2e ha"e influence only and not
control in a healthy and constructi"e 2ay, it=s important to come to terms 2ith the
possibility that things may not turn out the 2ay 2e 2ant them to!
Situations 2here 2e ha"e influence come in t2o fla"ors: direct influence and indirect
influence! Direct influence means that 2e can take specific steps to try to get the thing
done! &or instance, a person 2ho 2ants a raise can usually go to his or her boss and
re:uest one, and someone 2ho 2ants to be treated better by another person can
confront that person!
Indirect influence means that 2e can only take actions that encourage the results 2e
2ant, but can=t control them or e"en push for a decision! Some eBamples of indirect
influence are practicing more in order to ha"e a better chance of 2inning a talent contest
or 2riting letters to a representati"e to encourage a particular "ote!
Influencing the boss F
Ane of the principles of 2orking successfully 2ith your boss is to make sure that you
donJt outshine him or her! This is simple boss/subordinate psychology: you are there to
find solutions and your boss is there to take the credit! >nderstanding this key aspect of
the relationship is the secret to both of you getting on! That means that 2hen you 2ant
your boss to do something you care about, you must find subtle 2ays to put your case!
Ane of the most important techni:ues of doing this is Indirect Influence and here is a
story that sho2s you ho2 to do it!
.he (rinceCs ;ift
The #rince of Chi 2as at 2ar 2ith the #rince of Chu! @e decided he needed the support
of a neighbouring prince and so asked his son/in/la2, Chun/<u, to go and plead on his
behalf! Chun/<u asked 2hat gift he 2as to take and his father/in/la2 ga"e him the
derisory amount of a hundred pounds of sil"er! Chun/<u kne2 that this 2ould be
insulting to the neighbour and, not 2ishing to insult his father/in/la2, he began to
I1hy are you laughing3I asked his father/in/la2!
I1ell, this morning, I sa2 a farmer sacrificing a pigJs foot and a single cup of 2ine and
asking the gods for an abundant crop, a full garden and bursting barns and I couldnJt
help thinking that a man 2ho asked so much should offer so little!I
The #rince of Chi at once sa2 the point and increased the "alue of his gift!
Indirect Influence: 3 .echni0ues
1hat Chun/<u in this story kne2 2as that approaching his father/in/la2 directly 2ould
amount to disagreeing 2ith him, criticising his choice, and setting himself up in
opposition to him! 1hen po2er is 2ith the other person, none of these approaches is
likely to succeed! So here are 7 other techni:ues to use to indirectly influence your boss!
"# What if=:
a I1hat if!!!3I :uestion is a hypothetical 2ay of gently suggesting your solution to a
problem! I1hat if 2e computerised!!!3
,# ,nd person 0uote:
by talking about your solution as if it 2ere happening to someone else, your boss 2ill
relate the story to his or her o2n situation! II kno2 Accounts had the same problem and
softeners put proposals in 2ays that gi"e the boss room to think!!!IDo you think it might
help if!!!3 II 2onder 2hether!!!3 I$aybe!!!I
/# 6isual metaphor:
the "isual metaphor helps the boss to see things in a different 2ay! IThis problemJs like
1# repeated EyesE:
se"eral repeated IyesesI from the boss put them in a fa"ourable frame of mind for your
I1e do need more business, donJt 2e3I
I1e need more re"enue, 2ouldnJt you agree3I
IA computer 2ould be more efficient, 2ouldnJt it3I
a presupposition gets your boss to mentally accept your solution! I1hat soft2are 2ould
2e need for a computer like this3I
3# modest diffidence:
modest diffidence is a 2ay to put for2ard a "ie2 to your boss 2ithout arguing it 2ith
certainty, eg IIf IJm not mistaken!!!IP IIJm fairly sure it 2ill 2ork!!!I!
DonCt )utshine the *aster
Indirect Influence is good management and good common sense! It allo2s you to put
your ideas across in a 2ay that is acceptable to the other person! As (altasar Qracian
said, IA"oid outshining the master! The superiority of a sub?ect o"er his prince is not
only stupid, it is fatal! This is a lesson that the stars in the sky teach us! They may be
related to the sun and ?ust as brilliant, but they ne"er appear in her company!I
-# Linguistic tools for influencing
)euro Linguistic #rogramming D)L#E 2as created in the -97,s by t2o >S Academics %
0ichard (andler T Cohn Qrinder % as a method of personal change and communication!
In this chapter, 2e 2ill eBamine a series of methods that 2ill help you to:
U Direct a con"ersation 2ithout dominating it
U Influence ho2 others see a situation
U #ersuade others to come to your point of "ie2
These techni:ues are subtle, but they are effecti"e 2hen they are used 2ith intention
and 2ith skill!
0eframing is the process of making a shift in the nature of a problem! It is the process
of changing a negati"e statement into a positi"e one by changing the MframeN or
reference used to interpret the eBperience! If all meaning is conteBt dependent, and if
you change the conteBt or content, then you 2ill also change the meaning!
All content is re/framable simply by changing the structure, the process, or the conteBt!
<ou can use this kno2ledge to help reframe ho2 the other person sees a situation as
2ell! (y doing so, you can set the stage for persuading them to come to agreement 2ith
The basis of reframing is to separate intention from beha"ior and conse:uence so that
you can then dra2 a correlation bet2een them as part of your persuasi"e argument!
Intention is the opposite of conse:uence! It is ho2 you precede an action or beha"ior
and conse:uence is 2hat happens at the end of the action! Conse:uences can be either
positi"e or negati"e!
In order to reframe something, you ha"e se"eral options! <ou can:
U 0edefine the 2ords
U Change the time frame
U 'Bplore the conse:uences
U Change the chunk siGe
U &ind a counter/eBample
U Ask for e"idence
U Appeal to the positi"e intention behind the belief
U Change the conteBt so that the relationship doesn=t apply in the same 2ay
@ere is an eBample! As you read this teBt, imagine that you ha"e had the follo2ing
thought: “Learning Influencing and Persuasion Skills is hard”
0edefine the 2ords:
U <ou don=t ha"e to learn them, you only need to become familiar 2ith them!
U Learning them isn=t hard, it ?ust takes a little more effort!
Change the time frame:
U The :uicker you do it, the easier it 2ill see!
U <ou ha"e plenty of time to practice and become more comfortable 2ith them!
'Bplore the conse:uences:
U >nless you try it, you 2ill ne"er kno2 ho2 easy it can be!
UIf you don=t learn them, you 2on=t be as effecti"e in your ?ob as you could be!
Change the chunk siGe:
U Chunk up: Mis learning hard in general3N
U Chunk do2n: Mho2 hard is it to learn one specific skill3N
&ind a counter eBample:
U @as there e"er been a time 2hen you found learningVVVeasy3
U @a"e you e"er had an eBperience 2here you thought something 2as hard at
first, but you e"entually got the hang of it3
Ask for e"idence:
U @o2 do you kno2 that3
U 1hy do you feel it is hard3
Appeal to the positi"e intention behind the belief:
U I can tell you 2ant to learn these thoroughly!
U I kno2 ho2 much you 2ant to impro"e your influencing and persuasion skills!
Change the conteBt so that the relationship does not apply in the same 2ay:
U @o2 hard it is for you to learn depends upon 2ho is teaching
U <ou learned to speak Capanese % no2 that 2as hardS
,# &sing someone+s name
Addressing someone by their name is a 2ay to establish rapport because it signals a
le"el of connection, it can make them feel special, and it can subtly remind them that
your message is directed to them! @o2e"er, to use it effecti"ely, you need to be sure of
>sing someone=s name establishes a le"el of connection 2hen it is used correctly and
(e sure you kno2 ho2 they 2ant to be addressed! If a 2oman you are speaking to
prefers $s! Cones to $iss Cones and you use the latter, you 2ill be irritating her rather
than building rapport! Don=t mo"e to first names until either they ha"e called you by
your first name or you ask them if it=s A; to call them by it! Ance you=re on a first/name
basis, be sure you use the correct "ersion of their name! Is it 0obert, 0ob, or (ob3 &ind
out so you don=t cause barriers to building rapport 2ith this techni:ue!
Don=t o"eruse it! Saying someone=s name is an effecti"e 2ay to dra2 attention to a
specific point! (ut if you use it in e"ery other sentence, you=re going to become ob"ious!
There is a delicate balance to ho2 fre:uently you use their name, so take care not to
-# *ind reading
1ith this tool, you indicate 2ith your 2ord choice that you kno2 2hat the other person
is thinking! If you are accurate, you="e strengthened your rapport and you can manage
an ob?ection to 2hat you are proposing to them before it is "oiced! <ou can use language
to persuade someone that they really do feel the 2ay you are suggesting!
1ith this techni:ue you us language to persuade someone that they feel the 2ay you
o I kno2 you belie"e this might be difficult, but it 2ill be 2orth it!
o I understand that you are concerned about the outcome, but your careful preparation
2ill ensure success!
o $any people feel, as you do, that it=s important to demonstrate integrity in our 2ork
/# Lost (erformati6e
In this case, you are stating a "alue ?udgment that omits identifying the person 2ho is
doing the ?udging! This makes it a neutral, easy to agree 2ith statement! It is called the
lost performati"e because there is no indication of the source of the information! <ou are
actually increasing your ability to control the con"ersation 2ithout taking and
misinterpreting the other person=s point of "ie2!
In this techni:ue you make a neutral, easy to agree 2ith statement 2ith no indication of
the source of the information!
o It=s a fact that people like people 2ho are like themsel"es!
o It=s good to kno2 that the economy is getting better!
1# Cause and effect relationships
This helps you put across a message 2hen you 2ant the other person to see the effect
of 2hat you are talking about! &or eBample:
o Seeing you come in late makes me feel you don=t care
o Coaching 2ill help you learn many skills
o Attending this meeting 2ill create changes
A presupposition is something that you ha"en=t stated but that is assumed to be present
or true for your statement to be understood! &or eBample:
o 1hen 2e="e finished your appraisal, you=ll feel confident about the neBt siB months
D2e are presupposing that the confidence 2ill come or that 2e 2ill do something that 2ill
lea"e them feeling confident % all 2e ha"e to do is finish the appraisalE!
o As the economy picks up, 2e 2ill see profits impro"e D2e are presupposing that the
economy 2ill pick up e"entuallyE!
3# &ni6ersal beliefs
A statement of something as a uni"ersal belief implies that there is no eBception to 2hat
you are saying! <ou can use uni"ersal beliefs to get the person in the habit of agreeing
2ith you! 'Bamples might be:
o '"eryone 2ants to be happy at 2ork
o If you remain positi"e, you=ll see better results
4# .ag 0uestions
This tool gets the other person to think about 2hat you said and then ans2er it in their
mind! Since 2e can think about fi"e times faster than 2e can talk, this can 2ork 2ell in
persuasion and influencing!
o As 2e take more action, our market share goes up, doesn=t it3
o (y listening more closely, you="e learned much more, ha"en=t you3
7# 'mbedded commands
These are eBactly 2hat they sound like % a command in your language 2ithout actually
commanding someone to do something! These 2ords speak to the subconscious and
form part of a larger conteBt, like:
o So, looking at your priorities makes you feel better no23 D'mbedded command is
Wfeel better no2!=E
o It=s good you="e decided to get that report finished by +pm! D'mbedded command is
that you="e decided % finish it by +pmE
/# (oerful (ersuasion .echni0ues
MThey who influence the thoughts of their times, influence all the times that follow. They
have made their impression on eternity.N
Influence and the psychology of persuasion!
1hether you are 2riting an ad"ertisement, an email to a friend, an inter/office memo,
hoping to change a family member=s actions, or trying to con"ince a group of people to
come o"er to your 2ay of thinking, you need to kno2 the methods top persuaders use to
change people=s thinking and get them to take action!
@ere is a collection of the most persuasi"e techni:ues used by politicians, ad"ertising
copy2riters, spin/doctors, propaganda 2riters, la2yersVanybody 2ho has to change an
indi"idual=s mind%or groups of people=s minds%:uickly!
A person could use these techni:ues to get people to do things they 2ouldn=t ordinarily
do, change their beliefs, get them to change their minds, get them to take action!
I=ll gi"e some short eBamples for each techni:ue in an ad"ertisement using the
fictitious Special! "og #ood! I="e tried to sum up each techni:ue 2ith a sentence or t2o,
but you could eBpand each one into a fe2 sentences or paragraphs! That 2ould make
the techni:ues you are using much more po2erful!
"# Appeal to Identity
1ho a person is and ho2 they see themsel"es is an incredibly important influence tool,
maybe the most important of them all! If you can tie in hat you ant 2ith hat
their identity ould do in a similar situation, you=d ha"e a "ery good chance of getting
him or her to do it! As a matter of fact, if you=re con"incing enough, you 2ould cause
inner conflict that 2ould compel them to act in the 2ay you 2ant!
Af course people ha"e more than one identity! They combine 2ith their roles in life and
ho2 they see themsel"es! $any of these are fairly uni"ersal: being a good parent, a
good friend, a good manager, being interesting, honest, etc!
Another use of the Appeal to .heir Identity is the use of Labels! 1hat positi"e label
could you put on the personDsE you are 2riting to3
@ere are some frames you can use for labelling someone:
X <ou=re a natural _______! DM$ou%re a natural entrepreneur!NE
X <ou=re not the type of person 2ho _______! DM$ou%re not the type of person who would
lie .N The label here3 @onest!E
X Ane thing I really like about you is _______! DM&ne thing I really like a'out you is your
X >nlike other ______, you=re ________! DM(nlike other managers, you%re generous.ME
The abo"e frames are "ery useful in buttering a person up before asking them to do
something for you! <ou 2ould use one of the abo"e frames and then make a re:uest
that 2ould cause a conflict 2ith the label you ga"e them! So, if I used the, M>nlike other
managers, you=re generous, N I 2ould then, later on, ask for a raise or a loan of some
@ere are a couple of eBamples I might use 2hen selling to dog o2ners:
U Pet parents always serve their dogs Special! "og #ood!
U )aring pet owners feed their dogs Special! "og #ood!
1hile you=re 2riting, ask yourself, M1ho is this person3N 1ho does she think she is3N
M1hat roles are important to him3N M1hat positi"e, complimentary label can I apply to
him or her3N
,# &se .heir :ierarchy of Galues !
This techni:ue can tie into the one abo"e! #eople place a "alue on practically e"erything!
And that includes time, goods, ideas, people, etc! (ut they do ha"e priorities! They 2ill
compare the characteristics of one thing to another to determine 2hich one is more
"aluable to them, especially if they ha"e to make a choice! @o2 can you tie in 2hat
you=re offering 2ith one or more of their highest "alues3
Some of the fairly uni"ersal "alues Dat least here in the 2estE are these: lo"e, health,
attracti"eness, security, safety of family, pleasure, impressing others, happiness!
Think of something fairly eBpensi"e you bought recently! 1hy did you buy it3 1hat
"alueDsE of yours made it appeal to you3 1hat 2ould ha"e stopped you from buying it3
1hat 2ould ha"e had to happen for you to pay t2ice the money for it3 1hate"er your
ans2ers to these :uestions, they sho2 the "alues you applied to your purchase!
U *hat%s more important to you, saving a few 'ucks or your dog%s health+
Ruestions to ask yourself 2hile 2riting: M1hat=s important to this person3N M@o2 can I
make my offer ?ust as "aluable3N
-# In6oke 'motions !
As any professional ad"ertising copy2riter kno2s, you sell something by getting the
prospecti"e customers= emotions in"ol"ed! #ropagandists and spin/doctors kno2 this
too! #ositi"e emotions like hope, anticipation, lo"e, and negati"e emotions like anger,
loneliness, disgust can spur people into action!
<ou also need to use emotionally charged 2ords that add impact to your 2riting! Try to
pull out bland 2ords and head to a thesaurus to find 2ords that ha"e a punch!
U Show the love for your dog that he or she shows you!
Ask yourself, M1hat emotions do I 2ant to in"oke, and ho2 can I do it3N
1hy should they do 2hat you ask them3 1hat=s in it for your reader3 1hat do they get3
1hat=s the incenti"e3 1hat are the ma?or benefits of doing 2hat you are asking them to
do3 $ake big promises! #romises you can keep if you don=t 2ant ma?or fallout later! A
great 2ay to get your readers moti"ated is to use a list of benefits, ?ust pile on all the
great benefits of 2hat you are offering or 2hat they 2ill get 2hen they do 2hat you are
@ere=s an eBample:
, *hen you feed your dog Special! "og #ood, you%ll notice your dog will -
. /e more content and happier
. Sleep 'etter
. 0ave a shinier, healthier coat
. /e less likely to get sick
. 1ecover from in2uries faster
. 0ave cleaner 'reath
1hile 2riting, ask yourself, M@o2 can I moti"ate my readerDsE to act no23 @o2 can I
light a fire under them3 1hat are all the benefits they 2ill get if they act3N
1# Sho the Conse0uences !
@o2 2ill your readers lose out by not doing 2hat you suggest3 #aint a 2ord picture for
them! 1hat pain 2ill they eBperience if they don=t do as you ask! This doesn=t mean
make threats! That 2ill set up resistance! Cust tell them some of the negati"es of not
doing 2hat you 2ant, choosing an alternati"e to 2hat you are offeringVor doing nothing!
U 3any dog foods are not nutritionally 'alanced, especially imported dog food. The last
thing you need is for your dog to get sick, start losing his or her hair, 'ecoming listless,
2ust 'ecause you have 'een serving your dog canned food that isn%t as healthy!
An important point 2hen using this techni:ue is to )AT d2ell on the negati"es for too
long! #eople are eBposed to negati"e ne2s all day long! If you spend too much time on
the conse:uences, you might lose them! ;eep it short!
Ask yourself, M@o2 2ill they lose out if they don=t act no23N M1hat pain 2ill they
eBperience if they don=t do as I ask!3N
2# Ask Auestions !
1hen you ask lots of :uestions of your readers, you get them in"ol"ed! And once they
are in"ol"ed, you can lead them 2here you 2ant them to go! Ane old time use of
:uestions in sales and copy2riting is to ask se"eral :uestions in a ro2 that get the
prospecti"e customer to say M<esN! This 2ill, more often than not, get them into a
positi"e mood and more recepti"e to your re:uest!
Another good 2ay to use :uestions in your 2riting is to make suggestions rather than
M1hy not order no2 2hile you are still on this 2ebsite,: instead of ?ust using MArder
no2SSN! Ruestions are an ideal 2ay to insert embedded commands!
U 0ow do you know your dog is getting the proper nutrition he4she deserves+
U *hy not treat your dog to Special! "og #ood today+
1hen 2riting try to put in a fe2 :uestions to get your readers in"ol"ed!
3# Reframe (ossible )bDections !
1hat 2ould stop someone from doing 2hat you 2ant them to do3 1hat possible anBiety
could they feel about doing 2hat you ask3 1rite do2n all they could possibly re?ect
about your offer or re:uest! Then take your list of possible ob?ections and reframe them!
#ut a spin on them or change their perspecti"e!
U Special! "og #ood contains microcapsules to release nutrients into your dog%s 'ody
all throughout the day, keeping her immune system running at peak levels, lessening
the chance she will get sick! DT@' #ASSI(L' A(C'CTIA) IS: MAll dog food is the same!NE
1hat you DA)=T 2ant to do is ignore any possible ob?ections! (y not bringing them up,
you risk looking like you=re hiding something, or you are making your offer sound too
good to be true by lea"ing those ob?ections out!
Ask yourself, M1hat 2ould stop this person from doing 2hat I 2ant3N M@o2 can I put a
more positi"e spin on this ob?ection3 MN1hat else could this mean3N M1hat=s not
apparent to them3N
4# &se Auotes !
Authority and Social #roof are incredibly con"incing 2ays to persuade! Cust by :uoting
an eBpert or a celebrity Din the form of :uotationsE, or satisfied customers Din the form
of testimonialsE you ramp up the persuasi"e content of your 2riting :uite a fe2 notches!
Another benefit of using :uotes in your 2riting is that they attract the eye 2hen put
inside :uotation marks!
U M5ine out of ten veterinarians feed their dogs Special! "og #ood!N
U M3y dogs love Special! "og #ood. They%re healthier, happier, and look great6N Y $arlin
1hen 2riting your piece, ask yourself 2here you can find :uotes and testimonials that
2ill support your case!
7# 'mploy *etaphors !
The use of metaphor Dand analogies and similesE ha"e been used to influence, persuade,
educate, and con"ince for thousands of years! $ost of the (ible and other religious
books are 2ritten in metaphor! It=s another po2erful techni:ue! @o2 is 2hat you 2ant
them to do like something they lo"e to do3 1hat are the parallels bet2een the t2o3
If you are selling a product, ho2 is your product like something else "ery desirable3 The
classic ad"ertising positioning statement M7/) is the 1olls1oyce of printer inksN uses
metaphor for this effect!
@ere are some eBamples:
U Special! "og #ood is like an immunity 'ooster shot for your dog!
U It%s the canine #ountain of $outh6
Ask yourself, M1hat is my offer like3N
"8# Compliment and %latter !
If you can pull it off, make your reader feel special! This techni:ue might be a bit
transparent 2hen 2riting to cold audiences Dpeople you don=t kno2E, but if you kno2
them or you kno2 the type of people they are Dlike a certain car o2nerE, you should
compliment them, especially if you ha"e something negati"e to tell them!
If you can=t think of anything nice to tell your reader DC=monSE, you can al2ays do 2hat
Coe Qerard DQuinness (ook of 0ecords= 1orld=s Qreatest Salesman used to do: mail them
cards that said MI like youSN inside! @e s2ore that this techni:ue 2orked miracles!
It also ties in :uite 2ell 2ith Techni:ue - DMAppeal to Their IdentityNE!
Ask yourself, M1hat do I appreciate about this person3N M1hat do I like about this
person3N M@o2 can I compliment them 2ith sounding like a bro2n/nose3N
""# Sho $o ;ray Area !
#oint out to your readers that there really isn=t any choice in 2hat you ha"e to offer!
They ha"e only a "ery positi"e outcome if they do as you say or a "ery negati"e one if
they don=t! 1hich one are you going to choose3
<ou can Dor 2illE doFha"eFbe D#ASITIZ'E, or D)'QATIZ'E!
An eBample of this techni:ue:
U $ou can give your dog nutritious, 'alanced meals, or you can take him to the vet every
1hen you are 2riting your piece, ask yourself ho2 your readers don=t ha"e a choice! It=s
only black or 2hite!
",# 5elong to a Special ;roup !
(ecause of our tribal nature, 2e almost al2ays seek out people 2ho are similar to us!
Zeterans, collectors, artists, e"en people 2ho ha"e the same illnesses are all groups that
come together in rapport!
There are a fe2 "ariations on this techni:ue that you can use alone or in combination:
aE people 2ho already belong to a special, desirable group
bE people 2ho don=t belong to a special groupV(>T 1A)T TA
bE ha"ing a mutual enemy
cE getting on the band2agon or being left out
'ach one 2ould re:uire a different approach!
@ere are some eBamples using each of the "ariations abo"e:
aE To all you pit 'ull owners out thereV!
bE 0ere%s how you can 'ecome a pit 'ull terrier lover tooV
cE The State wants to take your pit 'ull away6
dE If you own a pit 'ull terrier, this is your last chance to 2oin Pit /ull &wners of 7merica!
M7 sharply defined enemy is a far stronger argument for your side than all the words you
could possi'ly put together.N Y 0obert Qreene
Af course this techni:ue 2orks 2ell 2ith Techni:ue - DMAppeal to Their IdentityNE
because 2hen you are part of a group, it=s also a party or your identity or a role you
1hen using this, ask yourself, M1hat groups of people does my offer appeal to3 1hat
are their interests and desires3 1hat group of people 2ould my target 2ant to belong
to3N MCan I start a desirable group of my o2n3N
"-# :a6e .hem *ake a Commitment !
1hen people make a commitment to an idea, they tend to find it "ery difficult to change
their minds 2ithout creating conflict or anBiety Dcalled, Cogniti"e DissonanceE! This is a
little more difficult to do in one/2ay 2riting Dsay an ad"ertisement or a sales letterE, but
it can be done!
&or an ad"ertisement, <ou 2ould first ask your readers a :uestion 2here they 2ould
most likely say yes! Then you=d continue 2ith your 2riting! &inally, you=d remind them of
2hat they said yes to!
U "o you love your dog+ DT@') I=D CA)TI)>' 1IT@ T@' (AD< CA#< A& T@'
AD!E 8arlier in this article DletterFadE, I asked you if you loved your dog. *hat 'etter
way to show your love for her 'y giving her a delicious and nutritious meal.!!
&or a more personal correspondence, say an email, online chatting, or a letter, you could
ask one of these :uestions:
U I thought you said you were….,
MI thought you said you 2ere a Conser"ati"e! That=s not 2hat a Conser"ati"e 2ould say!N
U Didn’t you say you…,
MDidn=t you say you lo"ed animals3 1hy 2ould you eat meatVN
U Don’t you think (UNDESIRABLE TRAIT or T!E "# !ERS"N$ is (NE%ATI&E
LABEL$' I# T(E A%REE…LATER #"LL") U!!
<A>: Don=t you think being a cheapskate is a horrible3
@': <eah, sure!
<A>: @ey, can I borro2 t2enty bucks3
1hen 2riting your piece, find out ho2 you can get your reader to make a commitment,
e"en a small one: donating a little money, trying something, e"en saying MyesN to
"/# Change their life !
$ost people are unhappy 2ith their li"esVor at least a some aspect of it! $any of them
2ant change! (ut they don=t kno2 ho2 to change, or if they do, they are too afraid or
laGy to do so!
@o2 can 2hat you are offering change your target=s life for the better3 <our offer must
do more than change li"es though, it has to change li"es 2ith the least amount of effort!
1hat many people are looking for is the $agic #ill! Something 2here they 2ake up and
their li"es are magically different!
U 7s you know, your dog%s life affects your whole family. $ou, your spouse, especially
your kids are affected 'y the health of your 'eloved dog!
<our offer can probably change your readers= li"es for the better some2ay, someho2!
"1# )6ercome Inertia !
The first rule here is to simplify the steps they need to take! Don=t go into too much
detail as to 2hat they ha"e to do! )arro2 their choices or options do2n! It=s been pro"en
that people 2on=t take action if they ha"e too many choices a"ailable to them!
It also helps to sho2 them the conse:uences of not acting no2 DSee Techni:ue 5 MSho2
Them the Conse:uencesNE!
Top persuaders often create urgency by telling their readers ho2 scarce their offer has
become! <ou can use a time deadline, a limited :uantity, a limited supply of a
freebieFbonusFpremium, or a soon/to/arri"e price increase to get your readers off their
U 9et a :;< discount of Special! "og #ood 'efore 5ovem'er =>th.
U 1eceive a 'ottle of Special! Puppy Shampoo with every case of Special! "og #ood.
/ut please hurry, we only have ;? 'ottles left!
Ask, M@o2 can I increase the urgency of my offer3N M@o2 can I add a deadline3N
"2# Add (resuppositions !
These are compelling 2ays to put thoughts into people=s heads 2ithout e"en "erbaliGing
the thought! @ere=s a :uick 2ay to incorporate presuppositions into your 2riting: >se
:uestions! This re:uires a little more thought than Techni:ue 6 DMAsk RuestionsNE
presented abo"e! Cust think of 2hat you 2ant your readers to belie"e about your offer or
product! Then put it into a :uestion form!
U "o you know of any other dog food that makes your dog healthier than Special! "og
#ood+ D)AT': 1hether they ans2er yes or no, by ans2ering the :uestion they imply
that Special/C Dog &ood 2ill make their dog healthy!E
U 0ow are you going to handle your dog%s newfound vitality and playfulness+
1hen 2riting, ask yourself ho2 you are going to imply your claims!
"3# &se Rhetorical Auestions to *ake Claims !
This one is used a lot by the mass media! 1hy3 (ecause it lets claims slip into readers=
minds 2ithout resistance! If I say, M@$A ta'lets let you lose weight while you sleep,N you
probably 2on=t really belie"e itP you="e heard claims like this all the time! (ut if I ask,
M0ow has @$A ta'lets helped thousands of people across the (S7 lose weight while they
sleep+M, it has a better chance of being accepted 2ithout resistance!
Take a claim that you 2ant to make, and try out different types of :uestions to frame it
U 0ow does Special! "og #ood help your dog live a longer, healthier life+
1hen you are 2riting, ask yourself, M@o2 can I put some of my claims into :uestion
There you ha"e se"enteen 2ays to influence and persuadeV!
V1hen 2orking on your pro?ect, keep sentences fairly short! Ane mistake I see :uite
often in ads and other forms of persuasi"e 2riting is sentences that are too long! The
longer your sentences, the more difficult they are too read, and the more likely they 2ill
<ou can miB and match these techni:ues depending on your pro?ect! The >S military=s
#sychological Aperations D#S</A#SE has had a lot of success 2ith leaflet drops o"er
enemy territory! They are often :uite small in siGe and need to get the ?ob done :uickly!
They tend to use Techni:ue 4 DMIn"oke 'motionsNE, Techni:ue . DM$oti"ate <our
0eaderNE, and Techni:ue 5 DMSho2 Them the Conse:uencesNE! &or something like a
billboard, demonstration placards, or bumper stickers, you could use Techni:ue 6 DMAsk
RuestionsNE or Techni:ue 9 DM'mploy $etaphorNE!
<ou no2 ha"e a ton of po2er in your hands! <ou="e turned your pen Dor keyboardE into a
formidable 2eapon! #lease use this po2er ethically! I don=t kno2 if you="e already begun
to notice ho2 great you feel because of this po2er!
Thanks for reading this post! Clearly, you are an incredibly intelligent person! And I like
you, I really do!
MIt takes tremendous discipline to control the influence, the power you have over other
people%s lives.N Y Clint 'ast2ood
by LA> D@TT#:FF(LAQ! )L#/T'C@)IR>'S! CA$F+,-,F,6F-7/A&/T@'/
Influencing and persuasion skills 222!bookboon!com
(usinessballs!com! Sales and Selling % Training and Techni:ues!
Changingminds!org! 0ank=s Intensify F Do2nplay Schema!
Increase(rain#o2er!com! #ersuasion Techni:ues!
$indtools!com! Communication Skills Articles, "arious!
$TD Training Academy! Ad"anced Communication Skills!
1# %rameork .heories for Applying
(ersuasion and Influence .echni0ues
<ou="e learned a great deal at this point about building rapport and ha"e gotten some
insight into ho2 the 2ords you choose can help to persuade someone! (ut ho2 do you
kno2 ho2 to apply those tools3 To ans2er this :uestion, 2e=ll look at some theories
posed on ho2 persuasion 2orks! <es, you ha"e some tools no2 to help you influence
and persuade others, but this information 2ill gi"e you a rame2ork for ho2 you can
"H Rank+s Intensify and Donplay *odel
In this model, @enry 0ank describes a model of persuasion using t2o opposite
strategies: intensification and do2nplay! This means that 2hen you are in a situation
2here you are attempting to persuade someone else, you use the t2o strategies to
highlight certain aspects of the con"ersation and to do2nplay other aspects of the
1hen you intensify something, you dra2 attention to it by making it more significant!
<ou use three tools to intensify something: repetition, association and composition!
<ou 2ill recogniGe these concepts from commercials and other marketing campaigns
because they are effecti"e at getting you to hear a message and purchase their product!
If you think about it, you are doing the same thing 2hen you are attempting to persuade
someone, only your product is an idea or a decision!
1hen you repeat something multiple times, it is more likely that the other person 2ill
remember it, 2hich can help them to be influenced by it! #lus, 2hen you repeat
something enough, the listener is more likely to accept that thought or statement as
true! <ou see this in commercials 2hen an ad"ertisement repeats a 2ord o"er and o"er
again! )e2, impro"ed, bargain, or other descriptors are commonly repeated in hopes
that you 2ill remember the statement!
In this techni:ue, you dra2 a connection for the listener bet2een your concept and
another idea 2ith 2hich they are already emotionally connected! <ou can use negati"e
or positi"e emotions in this techni:ue! &or eBample, you can persuade someone to keep
a ?ob by associating the loss of a ?ob 2ith the loss of their home and their family=s
comfort! <ou can persuade someone to accept a delegated task by associating it 2ith a
sense of pride in accomplishment or by letting them kno2 you are choosing them
because you associate them 2ith intelligence and prudent thought! <ou see this in
commercials 2hen the Wbeautiful people= are using the product and smiling brightly, or
2hen the guy 2ho uses the product gets the girl!
The ad"ertiser is trying to dra2 an association bet2een their product and the emotional
eBperience of the people being portrayed!
This strategy uses the structure of your argument to compare the outcome being
portrayed against an outcome that is less desirable! <ou are basically making your
option look or sound better by contrasting it 2ith another possible outcome! In
ad"ertisements, you can think of Wbefore and after= commercials or someone 2ho is
unhappy before a product and happy after2ards! There can be a strong emotional tug
here as 2ell!
An the other side of the intensify coin, you ha"e do2nplaying! It is the opposite strategy
from intensification! @ere the goal is to distract from certain aspects of the situation!
The methods you use to do2nplay a fact or statement are the opposite of the ones you
2ould use to intensify them! In this situation, you 2ould use di"ersion, omission, or
This is a basic distraction techni:ue! <ou simply di"ert the person=s attention to
something by dra2ing their attention to another feature or characteristic of your
argument! &or eBample, if you are trying to con"ince your boss to let you 2ork from
home, he or she might Gone in on the fact that they 2ouldn=t be able to super"ise you
directly! Instead of letting the con"ersation d2ell on that issue, you could di"ert their
attention to the fact that you 2ould be more producti"e 2ithout distractions, 2hich in
the long run 2ill sa"e the company money and 2ill make your boss look good 2hen you
are getting things done faster!
This is eBactly 2hat it sounds likeP you simply do not say anything about a topic that you
think might s2ay the other person from your point of "ie2! @o2e"er, you need to be
careful 2hen you use this tactic because in a 2ork scenario, you may be re:uired to use
full disclosure! Ar, if you omit information 2hen you 2ork 2ith a customer and it is
information that they disco"er after the fact, if they consider it important information
they 2ill not appreciate the fact that you omitted the information in the first place!
@o2e"er, if you can safely lea"e certain information out of a con"ersation that you think
2ould dissuade the other party, you can choose to do so! It might be something that you
can address after you ha"e already gained agreement, at 2hich point the item may no
longer ha"e as much importance!
Although this is not the most noble of persuasion tactics, it is effecti"e! If you can
establish yourself as the eBpert 2ith the compleB or highly scientific information, you
may o"erride the other person=s position simply because they are not able to deli"er
their position 2ith the same amount of detail! If you kno2 the topic you are discussing
inside and out and the other party does not, you 2ill be at an ad"antage because you
2ill be able to sho2 a depth of kno2ledge that makes it seem as if because you kno2
more you must also kno2 better!
,H *onroe+s *oti6ated Se0uence of (ersuasion Steps
In the -94,s, Cohn $onroe de"eloped a series of steps that he belie"ed 2ere the keys to
persuading another indi"idual! The steps are:
To get someone to listen to your argument, you need to get their attention! <ou ha"e
about fi"e seconds 2hen talking to someone to engage their attention before they 2ill
lose focus! <ou Can do this in se"eral 2ays!
U >se their name 2ith a tone that con"eys urgency or importance
U >se emotion to demonstrate your position % smile, fro2n, be eBasperated % 2hate"er
emotion con"eys the strength of your position
U #hysically touch them if you ha"e the le"el of rapport 2here this is appropriate! #ut
your hand on their forearm or shoulder to dra2 their attention!
U (ring up a topic that you kno2 they are passionate about and segue into your
argument % but be sure there is a "alid connection so you don=t seem to be changing the
topic too :uickly
U Start 2ith a statement that con"eys the benefit of your position for the other person
Ance you ha"e the other person=s attention, 2ork to keep it! <ou can lose their attention
as :uickly as you ha"e it if the other person doesn=t see the need to continue listening!
To keep the other person=s attention, you ha"e to be familiar 2ith 2hat is important to
them! 1hat do they 2ant3 1hat do they "alue3 1hy should they care about your side of
the argument3 Ance you can ans2er these :uestions, you are ready to Whook= the
listener by focusing on 2hat they care about!
In this step, you describe to the listener ho2 your position 2ill meet the need you
addressed in the pre"ious step! 1ill your solution sol"e their problem3 1ill it pre"ent
them from ha"ing to deal 2ith additional problems3 In other 2ords, 2hat benefits 2ill
the listener recei"e if they are persuaded by your argument! Ar 2hat negati"e
conse:uences 2ill they a"oid3
ZisualiGation means that you can create a picture for the listener of 2hat the situation
2ill look like once they ha"e been persuaded to accept your position or agree to your
decision! @elp them do this by describing 2hat the 2orld 2ill be like Wafter= they agree
2ith you! &or eBample, use language like:
U Imagine 2hat it 2ill be like 2hen you no longer ha"e toV
U Can you see ho2 this 2ould reduce your 2ork load Dsol"e your problem, increase your
U #icture yourself lea"ing 2ork on time once 2e make this change Dor some other 2ay
their life 2ill impro"e once they agree 2ith youE
Ance you sense that you are approaching agreement, you need to cement it by
suggesting the neBt step or action that 2ill put your solution in motion! Don=t 2ait % act
as soon as you can so that the other person is not left ste2ing and thinking things o"er
more Dand perhaps changing their mindE!
-H .he Integrity (rinciple
1hen you are persuading or influencing another, you are assuming a position of
leadership! @o2e"er, you 2on=t be percei"ed as a leader unless you eBhibit the trait of
integrity! Integrity can be defined simply as being true to your 2ord, being authentic in
your actions and speech, and demonstrating the kind of beha"ior that you eBpect others
to ha"e! In other 2ords, don=t ask others to trust or belie"e in you or your solution if you
ha"en=t demonstrated that you are trust2orthy!
Integrity is something that you ha"e to practice continually! It takes effort to honor your
2ord e"ery time and to be the eBample you 2ant from others e"en 2hen you are under
stress or simply ha"e a personality conflict! (ut the benefits you can gain from
de"eloping integrity are enormous 2hen compared to the damage you can do in the
2orkplace % and to your ability to persuade others / if you lack it!
Think for a moment about characteristics of people 2ho ha"e tried to persuade you that
you didn=t like!
1hat, specifically, 2ere the attitudes, beha"iors, or traits of that person that has you
still thinking of them in a negati"e light3 #robably you 2ould list things like fa"oring
certain people, not coming through on promises he or she made, gossiping, taking credit
for another person=s 2ork, or treating you disrespectfully! All of these issues can be
traced to a lack of integrity!
So ho do you practice integrity=
There are three key areas that you can concentrate on de"eloping! As you read each
description, ask yourself ho2 you 2ould feel someone trying to con"ince you of
something did not possess these key characteristics!
Also called authenticity, people 2ith this facet of integrity:
U Do not put up a false front
U Accept responsibility for their commitments and stri"e to meet them
U Are honest about their o2n limitations
U Accept responsibility for their mistakes
U Tell the truth
<ou can demonstrate this facet of integrity by:
U Treating people e:ually as much as possible
U &ollo2ing through on promises
U 1orking as hard or harder than is eBpected
U @a"ing the same eBpectations or rules for yourself as you ha"e for others
Substance refers to integrity becoming a part of 2ho you are being in all your 2ork
U ;eeping pri"ate information pri"ate
U )ot gossiping or complaining about team members to other team members
U Doing 2hat=s best for the team and not ?ust yourself
U Qi"ing credit 2here credit is due
U Caring about the de"elopment of your employees if you are a super"isor
U $aking it a priority to maintain clear communication and resol"e any conflicts
If you ha"e read this information and realiGed that you ha"e not al2ays acted 2ith
integrity in the 2orkplace, you are certainly not alone! (ut going for2ard, you can no2
recogniGe that integrity can be built one action at a time! As you get more practiced at it,
you 2ill find that it becomes a habit! And once you start seeing the results that come
from practicing integrity, you 2ill 2ant to keep going!
by LA> D@TT#:FF(LAQ! )L#/T'C@)IR>'S! CA$F+,-,F,6F-7/A&/T@'/
Influencing and persuasion skills 222!bookboon!com
(usinessballs!com! Sales and Selling % Training and Techni:ues!
Changingminds!org! 0ank=s Intensify F Do2nplay Schema!
Increase(rain#o2er!com! #ersuasion Techni:ues!
$indtools!com! Communication Skills Articles, "arious!
$TD Training Academy! Ad"anced Communication Skills!
2# Influence and (ersuasion in Sales
"# 'stablishing a 5asis for (ersuasion in Sales
Although the information shared to this point can certainly be used in sales, there are a
fe2 additional points that are specific to a sales relationship! (efore you can persuade a
customer to choose you or your company, you need to establish a basis for doing so!
<ou can do this by follo2ing these steps:
"# Demonstrate @our &nderstanding
#utting yourself in your customer=s shoes lets you look at the scenarios they are facing
and helps you to concentrate on finding the best solution for their scenarios! 1hen you
2ork 2ith your customer, the interaction is not about you % it=s about them! Ask
:uestions that demonstrate you are 2ell/informed about their business their needs, and
ho2 your organiGation can help them to be more successful in their o2n business!
,# ;enerate a %riendly, Responsi6e 'n6ironment
Don=t underestimate the impact of being friendly and responsi"e! <our attitude in
2orking 2ith the customer, meeting their needs, and handling their re:uests says a
great deal about you and your organiGation to the customer! #lus, your responsi"eness
% ho2 :uickly you respond to their ob?ection and ho2 2ell you meet their eBpectations %
2ill be an important decision point for any customer in 2hether or not they 2ill be
persuaded to use your company! Ane good rule of thumb is to under/promise and o"er/
deli"er for your customers! <ou=ll be demonstrating an eBceptional le"el of customer
ser"ice that they 2ill 2ant to eBperience again in the future!
-# (ro6ide '6idence and *ore '6idence
<ou need to be able to demonstrate to your customer that you, your organiGation, and
your product or ser"ice are the best choice for the customer! (e able to eBplain precisely
ho2 your offering 2ill benefit the customer in 2ays that the competition cannot! Qi"e the
customer testimonials from other customers and sho2 them before and after scenarios
that pro"e ho2 your product or ser"ice has made a difference for other customers and
ho2 it can do the same for them!
)o matter 2hat you do, be sure that anything you share is fully "erifiable!
/# Demonstrate @our '!pertise
1ho 2ould you be more apt to buy from % someone 2ho kno2s the basics about your
industry or someone 2ho you see as an eBpert in your field3 As you 2ork 2ith the
customer, demonstrate that you understand 2hat you are presenting to them! Share
information that sho2s you understand their field, the upcoming trends, and the
challenges people in that industry are facing! <ou=ll instill confidence in the customer to
choose your product or ser"ice o"er the neBt pro"ider!
,# (ersuasion during negotiation
"# &nco6er the root of the obDection
Start by asking some :uestions that 2ill help unco"er the root of the ob?ection! The
eBact :uestions you use 2ill "ary depending on 2hat the client says, but some possible
U 1hat is your main concern 2ith this point3
U 1hy does that particular concern 2orry you3
U If your concern 2ere handled, 2hat 2ould the result look like3
U 1hat is your main priority in considering this offer3
U 1hat information do you still need3
U 1hat 2ould the ideal offer for your situation include3
U 1hat are the main factors you 2ill consider in choosing your pro"ider3
)otice that these are all open/ended :uestions! They gi"e the prospect the opportunity
to talk so that you can learn more information as 2ell!
,# $e!t, Redirect the prospect to focusing on the benefits of your product
Some eBamples of these types of :uestions include:
U 1e="e talked about the fact that you ha"e a challenge 2ith ________! 1hat 2ould it
be 2orth to your organiGation if that challenge 2ere resol"ed3
U @o2 2ould it help you to be more competiti"e if you didn=t ha"e to deal 2ith the
problems caused by _______________ anymore3
U 1hat "alue can you see in eliminating __________ from your daily 2orkload3
If you find that the prospect is not 2illing to gi"e you more information, you might need
to eBamine other possible reasons for their ob?ection!
-# (ossible reasons of failure to close the deal
"# %ailure to Create Desire
All sales re:uire that your client has a desire to o2n your product or use your ser"ice! If
you ha"en=t yet created that desire, you 2ill face ob?ections and not make the sale no
matter ho2 persuasi"e you think you are being! This idea comes from the sales method
kno2n as AIDA, an acronym 2hich stands for:
This is "ery similar to $onroe=s $oti"ated Se:uence $odel that 2e discussed in Chapter
SiB! The point is that if you ha"en=t created the desire for your ser"ices, you 2ill not
persuade the customer that they need your ser"ices! 1hy 2ould they buy something
that they don=t 2ant3 <ou 2ill need to go back and establish desire by demonstrating the
benefits your offering 2ill pro"ide to the customer! If you do this 2ell enough, you 2on=t
ha"e to do any more persuading % the customer 2ill already 2ant 2hat you are offering!
,# %ailure to 5e (ercei6ed as an '!pert
Another common reason underlying ob?ections is that your customer doesn=t yet see you
as a partner in their business! At the "ery least, they should see you as a source of
eBpert information and assistance 2hen they need it! If they don=t see you that 2ay yet,
you 2ill need to 2ork at reinforcing their perception of you as a benefit to their
organiGation in order to persuade them to complete the sale! <ou can do this by taking
some simple steps like:
U Sending customers information from industry publications or other sources that are
related to their business
U ;eeping informed about any regulatory changes to their business
U &ollo2ing your customers in the ne2s so that you kno2 2hat their challenges are and
2hat they might need in the future
U Creating a net2ork of contacts so that if your customer needs something you don=t
pro"ide, you ha"e a specific person that you can refer them to
U Continuing to recei"e training on de"elopments of the products that your company
offers, as 2ell as any products that your competition is offering
U Attending conferences that are related to your industry and sharing 2hat you learn
2ith your customers
Ance you are percei"ed as an eBpert in the customer=s field, you 2ill find that ob?ections
become much rarer! The customer 2ill come to you asking for ad"ice and suggestions
rather than you ha"ing to go to the customer and Wsell= to them!
/# Adopt the Correct Attitude
<our mind needs to be in the right place 2hen you enter into negotiations! Ather2ise,
you 2ill simply not be as persuasi"e as you could be! <ou don=t 2ant your emotions to
get in the 2ay of your ability to interact 2ith the other party and you 2ant to be
prepared to continue pro"iding the best :uality ser"ice you can for the customer! @ere
are some tips for ensuring you ha"e the right attitude:
U (e confident in yourself, your organiGation, and the "alue that your product or ser"ice
U 0emember that ob?ections to your proposal are not ob?ections against you personally
U 0emain calm in order to keep thinking clearly and responding 2ell
U (e patient because not e"eryone thinks at the same pace or in the same 2ay
U 0emind yourself that the goal is to find a solution and agreement that pro"ides "alue
to both parties
1# 9no @our <imate Conditions
1e kno2 a fe2 things about customers by no2! 1e kno2 that they are likely to try to
get the lo2est price and most fa"orable conditions possible! 1e kno2 that they can ha"e
unrealistic eBpectations or unreasonable demands! (ut 2e also kno2 that there is a
point during the negotiations at 2hich they are 2illing to 2alk a2ay from the table and
go to the competition instead!
<ou need to kno2 the same information about your o2n position!
At 2hat point 2ill you decide that persuasion and influence is not possible, and that you
2ould be better ser"ed pursuing another customer3
1hat are the re:uirements that an agreement must include in order for you to take it3
1hat are the points on 2hich you are 2illing to make concessions and the points on
2hich you are not3
If you don=t kno2 this going into the negotiations, you could 2aste time arguing points
that are not critical for you! This might take more than your o2n input to determine, so
if you are negotiating as a team, be sure to schedule a meeting to discuss this ahead of
by LA> D@TT#:FF(LAQ! )L#/T'C@)IR>'S! CA$F+,-,F,6F-7/A&/T@'/
Influencing and persuasion skills 222!bookboon!com
(usinessballs!com! Sales and Selling % Training and Techni:ues!
Changingminds!org! 0ank=s Intensify F Do2nplay Schema!
Increase(rain#o2er!com! #ersuasion Techni:ues!
$indtools!com! Communication Skills Articles, "arious!
$TD Training Academy! Ad"anced Communication Skills!
3# %acilitating Change
$ost organiGations ha"e been facing 2a"e after 2a"e of significant change that 2ill only
increase in "olume, speed, and intensity in the future! 1ith all of the change going on,
the cost of failed change has become high for organiGations! There is an e:ually high
Mhuman tollN from failed change because the first casualty is loss of trust! Compound
that loss 2ith the emergency management goal of protecting life and property in the
face of disasters, and the potential loss is great indeed!
Af crucial importance is not 2hat change happens, but ho2 change happens!
A study for managing change in the go"ernment singled out leadership as the most
critical factor in the successful implementation of change! Clearly, organiGations that are
most successful are those that:
\ @a"e learned ho2 to respond to changes that impact them!
\ @a"e leaders 2ho kno2 ho2 to plan for and implement change 2ell!
\ Attend to people=s reactions and feelings associated 2ith the change!
It is helpful to understand the stages of any change process and 2hat is needed
for each to make the process successful!
The stages 2e 2ill discuss are:
\ Defining and #romoting the Change
\ #lanning and Implementing the Change
\ $aintaining the Change
\ 'ngaging #eople in the Change
"# .he Stages of Change
"# Defining and promoting the change
To successfully lead change, certain characteristics are re:uired:
-! (eing trust2orthy, reliable and influential
+! Initiating change, but not micromanaging or controlling it
4! Listening to and ad"ocating for both organiGational and indi"idual needs
.! Communicating that opportunities are a"ailable in the change
5! $aintain public "isibility and accessibility during the process!
All people in"ol"ed need to understand
-! 1hat the change is
+! 1hy it is necessary
4! 1hat it means to them and the organiGation
.! 1hy the change needs to happen )A1
;ey :uestions are:
-! 1hat problem are 2e addressing 2ith this change
+! 1hat opportunity are 2e trying to capitaliGe on
4! 1hat 2ill the organiGation look like in the future
.! 1here 2ill the indi"idual fit in3
5! 1hat 2ill happen eBactly3 DStep by step plan, training, resourcesE
The rule of siB:
Communicate ne2 information siB times in siB different 2ays
,# (lanning and implementing the change
-! Defining actions and tasks that need to take place to ad"ance the change
+! Assigning responsibilities for these actions and tasks
4! Creating a timeline for the change process
.! Dealing 2ith potential problems that may arise along the 2ay, including staff
5! Defining a means of assessing progress
6! $onitoring the impact of the change on staff and the organiGation
7! De"eloping a feedback loop that can pro"ide information to fine tune the change
process as it de"elops
Critical tools that 2ill be needed for this include:
-! Clearly defined policies
+! Action and communication plans
4! 0esources, such as staff training and communication channels!
-# 'ngaging the people in the process
This is largely about maintaining relationships 2ith people during the change process!
-! Including staff and those 2ith eBpertise or technical capacity 2ith key administrati"e
and organiGational authority in order to ensure successful adoption by the largest
number of staff!
+! Asking for feedback during the process, accepting a 2ide range of responses to the
4! Listening to staff concerns and effecti"ely and sincerely responding to staff feedback,
needs and re:uestsP pro"iding staff 2hat they need % both physical and mental, to
support the change!
/# *aintaining change
-! Continually engaging those 2hose support of the process is critical!
+! Continued attention to communication and feedback
4! #ro"iding 2hat is needed
1# Change: understanding the emotional circle
1hat do you do 2ith 2hat happens to you3
And if youJre managing, ho2 do you bring other people through ma?or changes
It al2ays helps to ha"e a model / especially a "isual one / to make sense of 2hat doesnJt
make sense at the moment! Let=s ha"e a look at the stages of transition through 2hich
2e all tra"el and the emotional responses associated 2ith those!
These apply to both personal and organiGational changes! 1hy3 (ecause organiGational
changes are al2ays personal!
Sometimes itJs ?ust plain comforting to kno2 that 2hat you are
The challenge is: >nderstanding 2here you are, 2hat you canJt control, and identifying
and acting on 2hat you can control!
9Ibler Ross in some more detail:
"# )rganiBational Stability:
IJm not sure 2hen I last sa2 long/term stability in large organiGations! (ut for the sake
of our learning, letJs assume that things are mo"ing along pretty 2ell! #eople are content
2ith 2hat they are doing and ho2 they are doing it! Life is good!
,# .he Change:
Something ne2 happens that causes dise:uilibrium! There are t2o normal responses:
-! The e"er/popular Denial! This comes in the form of shock, confusion and suspicion!
IThis isnJt really happening!I
+! Anger T Seeking Custice! ILetJs get and punish the 2easel responsible for thisSI
#lease note: It is happening and you 2ill not punish the 2easel//assuming that there is
one! Talking 2ith friends and associates feels good and is e"en cathartic for a little 2hile!
Qetting stuck here 2ill gi"e you cardiac arrest or get you arrested! So 2hy not ?ust let go
and mo"e to the neBt step3
4! Depression, &atigue! I kno2, it 2as more fun being angry! (ut you 2ill 2ear yourself
out shado2/boBing 2ith unseen "illains! And the ones you can see ha"e made up their
minds that things are going to be different! So itJs time to mo"e on! (y the 2ay:
IDepressionI is often defined as Ianger turned in2ard!I So itJs a natural progression to
go from + to 4! @o2e"er, itJs self/defeating to stay there!
.! ILetJs $ake A DealI: (argaining! 1hen things arenJt going our 2ay, 2e try to make
tradeoffs and sal"age at least something from our sense of loss! Anything that 2ill help
get us out of the current situation! This is a coping mechanism, not a resting place!
5! Acceptance! IA;,I you say, IIJm cautiously optimistic and 2ill in"est a little in the ne2
situation and see ho2 it goes!I
Apt Aut! ItJs perfectly normal to assess a ne2 situation and decide IThis isnJt for meI!
6! $astery! If one accepts the ne2 thing, then a ne2 sense of optimism, patience,
commitment, and producti"ity returns!
0emember: These phases are not a Straight/Line e"olution! The path isn=t linearS 1eJre
talking people! Indi"iduals 2ho, 2ith indi"idual constitutions and make/up, mo"e along
at different rates of speed! 1e all bounce around trying to make sense of things! 1hen
2e finally accept that things actually are the 2ay they are DrealityE, then 2e begin to
2ork things through in a healthy, producti"e 2ay!
If 2eJre managing people through a change, 2hat does support really look like3
When the personalHgroup emotions seem to be in Denial###
0estate the change goal and the reasons for changing!
(e positi"e but not an apologist! 1hat people really need is to see things as they are!
<our ?ob is to be clear about reality!
DonJt make eBcuses, gi"e honest conteBt! 'Bcuses are an eBcuse in and of themsel"es /
to disa"o2 oneJs o2n responsibility in the effort!
When you see Anger and Justice Seeking KletCs get CemLM###
Listen, then paraphrase for understanding! That is, make sure that you understand 2hat
they are really saying and feelingP and let people kno2 that they are, in fact, heard!
Listen for real! IJ"e gotta emphasiGe this one! Too many of us are street/smart from too
many acti"e listening 2orkshops! &aking empathy is easy! (eing belie"ed isnJt / unless
2e are acting in a truthful 2ay!
Ask people 2hat they 2ant to do to mo"e on! @elp people get into an acti"e mode! And
help them realiGe that, 2hile you are there to help, mo"ing on is their responsibility!
When you realiBe people are %atigued or e6en Depressed###
#re"ent IainJt it a2ful I sessions 2hile ackno2ledging the "alidity of ho2 they feel!
(e :uick to tell people 2hen they are doing the right things!
Discourage rash statements or beha"ior! Allo2 that, 2hile it might seem a satisfying
eBercise, it 2ill hurt them / and their colleagues and family!
&ocus on short/term, focused tasks 2here people can get a sense of success! And
another! And another! '"en if a large pro?ect is mandatory, take time to break it into
chunks! LetJs face it: none of us needs one more thing to make us feel o"er2helmed if
2eJre already feeling o"er2helmed!
If someone truly eBhibits "erbal or beha"ioral tendencies that are abnormal, donJt ignore
it! )ame it, ask 2hat the person is doing about it, and 2ait to hear a substanti"e
ans2er! If you donJt get one, talk 2ith @0 or your employee assistance program rep
about 2hat to do neBt if you donJt already kno2!
)ote: In 4,] years of business and business consulting, IJ"e ne"er seen anyone commit
a "iolent or hurtful act during a large/scale change! It does happen! I ha"e, though,
often disco"ered instances of people taking their anger and depression home and
causing great turmoil in their families / a cycle 2hich impacts the 2orkplace and the
2ell/being of spouses and children!
1hen people are confronted 2ith a description of their obser"ed rash beha"ior, they
often drop their head / or smile / and say, I<ouJre right! IJm glad somebody finally said
something!I @ealthy people understand that being confronted 2ith the truth is an act of
After one Ibottoms outI and mo"es further along the cur"e to2ard meaningful action,
other things happen:
0egardless of your official organiGational role, try s2itching "ie2points along the 2ayP
think of yourself as a manager, then as an employee! I think youJll be mo"ed by ho2
:uickly you begin to understand the challenges of each!
When the personalHgroup emotions look like ELetCs *ake A DealE and people
'Bpress certainty and con"iction, but not arrogance! II belie"e in this change!I And
re"isit a fe2 reasons 2hy!
Zisibly mo"e to eBecute your share of the change! 1hen things are tentati"e, people are
looking for an eBample! (e one!
(e patient but persistent! Think of ma?or changes as times 2hen people lapse into a bit
of adolescence! And for good reason: they arenJt mature at 2hat is happeningS So
persistence is important! It pro"ides a Iback door boundaryI that continues to help
people look ahead and not a"oid the gro2th needed to mo"e ahead to maturity!
When you see Acceptance###
Celebrate using specific achie"ements related to the goals!
(y the 2ay: this is the one thing that is ignored most! I donJt kno2 2hy! IJ"e asked,
and ans2ers range from ItheyJre getting paid to do thisI to I2e donJt do celebration!I
The same people gi"e their dogs treats 2hen they finally decide to stop doing their
business on the carpet! Qo figure!
Discuss and Document lessons learned! This is not only a chance to do ?ust 2hat it
indicatesP itJs an opportunity for people to gain a group sense of accomplishment and
e"en a sense of celebration!
#robe for opportunities! Ance youJ"e all reached this stage, the Iho2/toI ideas 2ill be
When some choose to )pt )ut###
Listen to their reasons and ackno2ledge that they are "alid!
Ask 2hat they 2ant to do neBt! @elp keep them focused on the fact that there is a life
outside of your organiGation and that they can contribute! Tell them 2hat you see as
Affer assistance in some meaningful 2ay! #ro"ide some degree of outplacement
assistance kno2ing that not e"eryone 2ould stay the course! The benefit to the
company: enhanced reputation as a place 2here e"eryone is "alued, e"en 2hen their
talents no longer fit the current circumstances!
At this point, people are $o"ing An! ;eep mo"ing!!!the neBt change is ?ust around the
#lease 0emember This: #eople 2ho are 2restling 2ith change arenJt items to be IfiBedI!
TheyJre people 2ho are being people!
And Change in"ites Leadership! In the midst of disruption, 2e all 2ant t2o things:
>nderstanding and Direction! This is an opportunity to offer both!
-! The change cur"e abo"e summarises typical reactions 2hen you ha"e change thrust
or forced upon you
+! @o2e"er, 2hen change is o2ned and initiated by you it is a different kettle of fish
De!g! you 2ill a"oid the negati"e red emotions sho2n on the change cur"e and en?oy the
green emotions and a great sense of achie"ementE!
.herefore, the best ay to manage change is to help create it#
Change: $o Closure *eans '!tra '!posure
Closure is a must 2hen it comes to change, because if it isnJt permitted or encouraged at
the right time, it 2ill come back to haunt organiGations at the 2rong time! >nfinished
business demands completion! #eople re:uire completion! So make your choice: Do it
the healthy 2ay or the disrupti"e 2ay! 'ither 2ay, it 2ill happen!
@ereJs 2hat I mean: The models presented in this article up to no2 are linear and sho2
2hat appears to be a beginning and an end! )ice and neat! They do a good ?ob of
helping us intellectually grasp the emotional elements of change!
<et the truth is, our li"es and business li"es are filled 2ith ongoing changes! The end of
one thing breeds the beginning of another! And each ma?or change brings 2ith it a sense
of loss of 2hat represented stability!
In business, 2e readily talk about sales cycles, business cycles, Igoing full circleI, and
Iclosing the loopI! )one of these is linear!
So hereJs a diagnostic :uestion: Do 2e practice 2hat 2e preach3
$ost large/scale change models talk about IcementingI or IinstitutionaliGingI the desired
change! To do that, there needs to be an e"ent or ceremony that ackno2ledges or e"en
celebrates the past in order to let it go! 1ithout such an ackno2ledgment, the cement is
nothing more than silly putty! The past and its related issues 2ill bounce back 2hen 2e
least eBpect it!
IJm not suggesting a global e"ent of mass proportions for e"ery change! I am
encouraging organiGations and the change agents 2ithin them to recogniGe the need of
the human condition to reach legitimate closure in some 2ay before mo"ing on!
And after all, I#eople Are Aur $ost Important Asset!I ThatJs 2hat your Annual 0eport
@0, Leadership, Learning, ArganiGational 'ffecti"eness ^ #ermalink
by Ste"e 0oesler, #rincipal T &ounder of The Ste"e 0oesler Qroup
MLeadership and InfluenceN &'$A % >S Department of @omeland Security
Independent Study #rogram
)6ercoming internal resistance to change:
In many ays, the hallmark of a great leader is ho ell he or she manages
change N *arketing
*y Ro*ert A. Se+ier
#eople, and the organiGations they create and inhabit, seldom 2elcome change! &or the
most part, they are resistant and reluctant, belie"ing that there is great comfort in the
familiar and greater security in the status :ua! As a result, they tend to resist ne2 ideas
and ne2 2ays to think about old ideas! They suffer, as one 2ag reminded me, from
hardening of the categories!
>nfortunately, our present, and certainly our future, is all about change! In fact, there is
a 2onderful adage that describes the issue succinctly: The only constant is change!
>ltimately, both indi"idual and organiGational success may 2ell depend not on ho2 2ell
2e resist change, but ho2 2ell 2e embrace it! After all, at its most basic, leadership is
all about managing change! It is about anticipating itP framing it in 2ays the
organiGation understandsP finding a path through it In many 2ays, the hallmark of a
great leader is ho2 2ell he or she manages change!
(ut 2hy are people so darn change/a"erse3
Change And %ear
1hat is it about change that people in general//and faculty and staff in particular//most
fear3 (ased on the 2ork I ha"e done 2ith strategic planning and organiGational change,
it appears that members of the campus community are often concerned about:
X Loss of po2er and prestige
X 0eallocation or loss of resources
X Loss of autonomy
X Intrusion into personal and professional domains
X Changing definitions of success
X Altered re2ard systems
X &ear of technology
X &ear of ha"ing to relearn
Times of change are usually seen as times of angst DTrue to that tendency, Lily Tomlin
once :uipped, I1hy 2alk boldly 2hen I can be dri"en by leaf3IE
)o2 that 2e ha"e a basic understanding of the reasons behind change resistance, letJs
look at a handful of strategies for o"ercoming internal resistance to change To do that,
2e need to first understand the physics of change!
.he (hysics of Change
There is a saying among )e2tonians that a body at rest 2ill remain at rest unless acted
upon by a DgreaterE outside force! In other 2ords, if the pressure to change is not
greater than the resistance to change, little 2ill happen! Stasis has been achie"ed!
>nderstanding and sometimes applying these outside forces is critical to understanding
and bringing about change, especially transformational change!
These outside forces typically in"ol"e:
- A ma?or threat or pressure from the eBternal en"ironment!
- An unanticipated opportunity,
- An internal crisis or setback!
These kinds of catalysts, either singularly or in tandem, can ser"e as the genesis for
3 Strategies to o6ercome Resistance
)o2 that 2e understand both the fear and physics of change, letJs take a look at se"en
strategies designed to help you o"ercome resistance to change!
"# Clarify the change Ee6ent#E
&irst and foremost, al2ays clarify the change e"ent! In other 2ords, 2hatJs the itch3 If
you cannot clarify the specific threat or opportunity in real, concrete a terms, you canJt
ad"ance! 1hatJs more, the change e"ent must be identifiable not only to senior
administrators, but also to the faculty and staff actually in the trenches!
,# Create a sense of urgency#
)eBt, you must create a sense of urgency! A college or uni"ersity might suffer declining
enrollment for a number of years 2ith little real concern! @o2e"er, sho2ing that this
decline 2ill affect faculty salaries or might cause a loss of accreditation is more likely to
generate a sense that something must be done! To create a sense of urgency, key
audiences must understand in real and concrete terms ho2 the change e"ent 2ill affect
them! 'ither sho2 them ho2 their li"es 2ill be diminished if the threat is not dealt 2ith,
or ho2 their li"es 2ill be impro"ed if the opportunity is accommodated!
-# De6elop a course of action#
Ance you ha"e identified a threat or opportunity, you must de"elop a course of action
that is clear and simple! If it is not dear, people 2onJt understand ho2 it 2ill deal 2ith
the issue! If it is not simple, people 2ill get bogged do2n!
As you think about your course of action, ho2e"er, keep in mind t2o important
&irst, a good response created and acted upon :uickly is much better than a perfect
response that takes fore"er to &ormulate!
Second, donJt get too focused on a need for consensus! Consensus sounds great, and
change/management literature is chock/full of strategies for achie"ing it! (ut the fact is,
total consensus almost ne"er occurs! So, rather than consensus, seek ?ust enough
consensus! Qet enough people on board, especially the right people! DonJt 2orry about
the "ocal -, percent 2ho seem to oppose your e"ery mo"e! Let their peers 2ork on
themP you 2ork 2ith the go percent 2ho are 2illing to be led!
/# 'stablish a guiding coalition#
1hile the "ision for a change may originate 2ith one person, the actual change process
must be accomplished through a coalition of belie"ers 2ho, in response to a threat or
opportunity, de"eloped a unified response! This guiding coalition must be large enough
to ha"e an impact on the organiGation, but small enough to act in a truly coordinated
fashion! &urthermore, this coalition must include ma?or and minor players and be as
cross/functional as possible, dra2ing from all segments of the campus! A coalition that
includes people from Admissions, Ad"ancement, and senior faculty 2ill likely be more
credible than a team comprising people only from Ad"ancement!
1# Communicate your course of action idely#
1ith the key elements in place, you must communicate your course of action 2idely and
continually! )ot only must people understand in general the institutional response, but
they must understand specifically their role in the change process! 1hat is the role that
the people in #arking or the 0egistrarJs office ha"e in the change process3 If they donJt
understand their role, they 2ill not be 2edded to the change e"ent! &urthermore, they
might unintentionally undermine 2hat you are trying to accomplish!
2# ;enerate and celebrate nearNterm ins#
1hile significant change is typically a long/term undertaking, people need to kno2
immediately that their efforts are ha"ing some impact! This is much like the o"er2eight
person 2ho decides to lose 5, pounds o"er the neBt year! After a 2eek of struggling
2ith a ne2 food plan, a dieter 2ants to kno2 that sheJs dropped a fe2 pounds 1ithout
that near/term 2in, sheJll become discouraged and drop out before the long haul! So,
celebrate your near/term 2ins! If you decide to open an off/campus center for adult
students, people on the main campus need to be a2are that the center is successful and
that adults are enrolling! And if you are smart, youJll also tell them ho2 the re"enue
from that ne2 center is going to help them in their day/to/day acti"ities!
3# Anchor change in the organiBation#
Change begins 2ith people, but it is institutionaliGed through artfully de"eloped policies
and procedures, realistic budgets, measures of success, and ongoing training! <ou
simply cannot ask people to change 2ithout gi"ing them the tools to change! This
support must be real, ob"ious, and gi"en freely! At the same time, people 2ho opt not to
change must be dealt 2ith or their recalcitrance 2ill spread! Ane of the :uickest 2ays to
undermine change is to ignore people 2ho 2ill not embrace//and e"en sabotage//the
IN A NUTS(ELL ...
'ducator and philosopher Clarke ;err once 2rote, IThe ma?or test of a modern company
is ho2 2isely and ho2 :uickly it is able to ad?ust to important ne2 possibilities!I (ottom
Line3 ItJs all about change!
CA#<0IQ@T +,,4 #rofessional $edia Qroup LLC / CA#<0IQ@T +,,4 Qale Qroup
*odels of 5eha6iour Change
4# Steps to beha6ior change:
(eha"ior change is a
slo2 process by 2hich
through se"eral stages!
@o2e"er, these are not
stages of a linear process
2hich indi"iduals must
go through 2hen
changing their beha"ior!
Some indi"iduals may
eBperience all fi"e stages
but not necessarily in the
At times people change
their beha"ior because of
social pressure or the
desire to conform to
social norms, not
because they ha"e
con"inced that it is the
right thing to do!
After a period of
practicing the ne2
beha"ior, they may
become con"inced of its ad"antages and sustain the beha"ior! This encourages them to
appro"e of the ne2 beha"ior and to continue practicing it!
It is also important to note that the steps of changing beha"ior are not linearP they can
occur rapidly or take a long time! They do not follo2 any pattern! The beha"ior can go
from kno2ledge to practice and then regressP or they indeed go from kno2ledge to
appro"al, intention, and practice! It all depends on the indi"iduals!
.he folloing is the Steps to 5eha6ior Change model:
Ane first learns about a ne2 beha"ior!
\ 0ecalls information 2ith himFherself
\ >nderstands 2hat information means
\ Can identify source of information for getting more information and can name health
productsFser"ices that can be used for hisFher personal needs
Ane then appro"es of the ne2 beha"ior!
\ 0esponds fa"orably to information
\ Discusses the information 2ith personal net2ork Dfamily and friendsE
\ Thinks family, friends and community appro"e of the beha"iorFmessage
Appro"es of the information Intention: Ane then belie"es this beha"ior is beneficial to
them and intends to adopt it!
\ 0ecogniGes that adopting the ne2 beha"ior can meet a personal need
\ 0eads F Learns more about the ne2 beha"ior
\ Intends to practice the beha"ior at some time i!e! identify the time
Ane then practices the ne2 beha"ior!
\ Qoes to a pro"ider for information F supplies F ser"ices
\ Chooses a coach if necessary
\ Continues the ne2 beha"ior
Ane promotes the ne2 beha"ior through their social net2orks as a satisfied user!
\ 'Bperiences and ackno2ledges personal benefits of the beha"ior
7# Cialdini+s Si! Las of (ersuasion
@o2 To >se the SiB La2s of #ersuasion during a )egotiation D'drie Qreer, #h!D!, Qlobal
To get 2hat you 2ant in life, in 2ork, and in play, re:uires constant negotiation 2ith a
"ariety of people!
This in"ol"es basic communication skills, such as acti"e listening and attention to non/
"erbal cues, and a clear understanding of your goals, as 2ell as the ob?ecti"es of your
To be truly effecti"e, ho2e"er, you need to kno2 more! <ou should be able to
communicate persuasi"ely during the process of negotiation!
$any situations you=ll face as managers and employees 2ill re:uire you to effecti"ely
negotiate to a mutually beneficial D2in/2inE solution, including:
-! 0esponding to staff members= re:uests for promotions, salary increases, and other
employment perks Das 2ell as negotiating your o2nE
+! )egotiating 2ith "endors for their best possible products, ser"ices, and prices
4! Con"incing your team to do 2hat you 2ould like them to do
.!1orking 2ith eBternal and internal clients on contracts Dsuch as Ser"ice Le"el
AgreementsE that pro"ide the :uality ser"ices and e:uipment they need but in a manner
that allo2s you to use your resources optimally
5! #ersuading super"isors to buy additional e:uipment, accept your budget proposals,
try a ne2 idea, etc!
In order to be successful in these instances, you must master the persuasion process,
2hich 2ill enable you to deliberately create the attitude change and subse:uent actions
necessary for persuading others to your 2ay of thinking! In other 2ords, you ha"e to be
able to MsellN your ideas in order to make changes in your fa"or and, in a 2in/2in
situation, pro"ide the other side 2ith a fair deal!
This entails a process that can appeal to the intellect using logical and ob?ecti"e criteria,
as 2ell as a methodology that positi"ely engages the emotions of the negotiators!
The result of a successful negotiation is that all parties should belie"e they got a good
,# .he Si! Las of (ersuasion: an )6er6ie
#ersuasion is the ability to influence people=s thoughts and actions through specific
strategies! To become adept at this skill, you must first understand some basic
principles, called the La2s of #ersuasion! These siB la2s by themsel"es are neither good
nor bad, but describe ho2 most people respond to certain circumstances!
#sychologist 0obert Cialdini 2rote the seminal book on the La2s of #ersuasion, titled
Influence: The #sychology of #ersuasion, in 2hich he discusses the pre"alent methods of
marketing! '"en though you may not 2ish to belie"e it, a great deal of psychological
research indicates that human beings are :uite predictable in terms of beha"ior in
response to certain stimuli, such as ads! This is 2hy marketing and ad"ertising are
highly successful enterprises_by and large, consumers respond to most ads and
commercials by buying the products and ser"ices they promote! (y understanding
persuasion la2s, you can control ho2 much others unduly influence you, as 2ell as ho2
to use them to your benefit during negotiations!
The la2s 2ork because they pro"ide shortcuts to making the countless decisions people
face e"ery day as they look for information to reduce the compleBity of life! If you can
apply these la2s in specific situations to your benefit, then your influence o"er others
increases significantly! Some of the best masters of the art of persuasion in negotiation
are highly successful salespeople 2ho do their best not only to make the sale, but also to
meet the needs of their buyers!
:ere are Cialdini+s Si! Las of (ersuasion:
"# La of Reciprocity
@uman beings, in general, try to repay in kind 2hat another person has pro"ided to
them! If someone gi"es you something you 2ant Dor perhaps didn=t MrealiGeN you
2antedE, then you 2ill 2ish to reciprocate because you no2 feel obligated!
'Bamples of this La2 include the address labels you recei"e in the mail from "arious
non/profits re:uesting charitable contributions! '"en though they are a minor,
unsolicited Mgift,N sending them has increased contributions for non/profits many/fold,
because people feel compelled to Mreturn the fa"or!N
Qi"ing free samples to potential customers is another 2ay in 2hich this La2 is used by
,# La of Commitment and Consistency
#eople like to be Dor at least appear to beE consistent in their thoughts, feelings, and
actions! Ance they ha"e made a stand, they tend to stick to it and beha"e in 2ays that
?ustify their earlier decisions, e"en if they are erroneous! If you make a commitment to a
cause or product, ho2e"er small, it then becomes easier to be con"inced to increase it!
This is especially true if the commitment changes your "ie2 of yourself in a fa"ourable
2ay! This is 2hy salespersons attempt to get customers to agree 2ith them multiple
times! After saying MyesN so often, it is almost impossible to say MnoN 2hen it comes time
for the close or direct re:uest for the sale!
-# La of Liking
1hen you like someone, or belie"e that they are M?ust like you,N you are more inclined to
2ant to please them and, therefore, purchase 2hate"er they are selling! This is ho2
successful salespeople operateP they establish rapport by demonstrating ho2 similar
they are to their potential buyers! &or eBample, they note that they are
from a comparable background as you, or e"en better, they are people you kno2_your
friends! As for those in/home sales parties, the kicker comes 2hen your neighbors
pro"ide the testimonials for the product! <ou don=t 2ant to disappoint them by not
purchasing, do you3
/# La of Scarcity
If you are not sure you 2ant to buy something, the minute it becomes Mthe last one
a"ailableN you tend to ha"e second thoughts! After all, this must indicate that others are
purchasing it, and you might not be able to get another one :uickly, or at all, if you
decide you 2ant it later! So you take the bait to buy a popular item that others 2on=t be
able to get! At least that=s 2hat you think!
1# La of Authority
This is the la2 that uses celebrity endorsements or MeBpertN testimonials! 1hen people
you admire promote a product or ser"ice, if it=s good enough for them, then it=s good
enough for you! And if you use it, then you might e"en de"elop similar characteristics to
your heroes, such as good looks, 2ealth, or fame! That=s 2hat the ad"ertisers are
2# La of Social (roof
1hy ha"e TZ sitcoms used canned laugh tracks for years3 #roducers 2ouldn=t employ
them unless they actually are successful in eliciting audience laughter and,
subse:uently, higher ratings! #art of the reason you laugh along any2ay in spite of your
annoyance lies in ho2 you decide 2hat is socially McorrectN beha"ior! If you don=t kno2
eBactly 2hat to do, you rely on others around you Dor the "irtual TZ audienceE to help
you find the 2ay to properly react! <ou think if others are engaging in a specific
beha"ior, it must be the proper thing to do!
@ence, you laugh in spite of yourself, or if you=re told that Me"eryone is buying this
product or ser"ice,N e"en 2ithout e"idence, you may think you=re missing out if you
don=t comply or conform and get it for yourself!
-# &sing the Las of (ersuasion
As mentioned, in any negotiation, all parties should arri"e at a conclusion that makes
them feel like they got a good deal, especially if an on/going relationship is in"ol"ed!
D)ote: a Mgood dealN is not al2ays the same for e"eryoneP negotiators often ha"e
different criteria by 2hich they ?udge the success of their bargaining outcomes!E
Aften 2hen dealing 2ith MtoughN or MhardN negotiators, you encounter manipulati"e
tactics that use the preceding La2s of #ersuasion! So ho2 do you successfully negotiate
around these ploys3
&irst, you can discuss the rules of the game! 1hen you recogniGe that the other side is
using one or more of the La2s of #ersuasion, you can either directly note it, or simply
steer the con"ersation to a more ob?ecti"e solution! And for the ultimate in la2
pre"ention, you can set preconditions ahead of time that 2ill preclude such strategies by
using only logical principles as a standard process in the negotiation!
$egotiation strategies using the Si! Las of (ersuasion include the folloing:
"# La of Reciprocity
Limited disclosureFconfession of the real reason for a negotiation stance, such as Mthis is
all the money 2e ha"e,N can pro"oke a concession from the other party! DThis is often
seen in salaryFpromotion negotiations!E
Concessions in general follo2 this Mtit/for/tatN rule Dthe lo2er the M"alueN of the
concession on your part, of course, the betterE!
<ou can also use this la2 to appeal to fairness! &or eBample, if the other party
manipulates the physical en"ironment by re:uiring that your team sits facing the sun, at
the neBt meeting they should reciprocate!
,# La of Commitment and Consistency
An eBample of this tactic 2ould be using a series of :uestions to conduct the step/by/
step close! Dale Carnegie, in @o2 to 1in &riends and Influence #eople, called this, MQet
the other person saying Wyes, yes= immediately!N This occurs 2hen one party asks the
other side to make a number of MsmallN decisions that lead to only one ob"ious
conclusion: to accept the general concession! <ou could employ this principle by asking a
potential client if she "alues :uality in your product or ser"ice! Af course the only ans2er
2ould be Myes!N Then you could follo2 2ith a :uestion that begs the ob"ious: M1e=d lo"e
to pro"ide you 2ith this productFser"ice, but if 2e don=t get the resources 2e need from
you Di! e! sufficient moneyE and :uality suffers as a result, 2ould you still 2ant it3N @o2
can the prospect say MyesN to poor :uality3 This tactic makes it easier for you to ask for
<ou might also see an eBample of this ploy 2hen lo2balling Dintentional last/minute
additions to 2hat 2as originally a lo2 priceE occurs! >nscrupulous "endors might
attempt to make you psychologically Min"estN in a product that you initially belie"e costs
-# La of Liking
This la2 is often seen in the strategy of Mgood cop, bad cop,N 2here one person in the
other negotiating party is clearly opposed to your ob?ecti"es, but it appears that another
of their team members is Mon your side!N This causes you to identify 2ith and trust the
MgoodN team member, so you may find yourself agreeing to the other team=s concessions
and goals instead of your o2n! <ou can see this in situations 2here a salesperson
MbattlesN their super"isor to get you a MbetterN deal Dof course this 2as the result they
2anted in the first placeE!
<ou might also apply this la2 to establish rapport up front 2hen you are negotiating 2ith
your o2n superiors or teams!
/# La of Scarcity
The more time you spend 2ith a salesperson, the more commitment he or she has to
make the deal! If you are under no time pressure and the other side is, you ha"e the
1# La of Authority
Zendors often :uote "ague authorities to sell their 2ares, M'Bperts say our product is the
best!M (ut 2ho are these eBperts3 1hat are their :ualifications to make these claims3 Do
they ha"e a "ested interest in selling the company=s products or ser"ices3 In addition,
use this La2 to establish your o2n credentialsFcredibility early in the negotiation!
2# La of Social (roof
This la2 2orks 2hen you dra2 on testimonials from satisfied customers or clients
Dunscripted ones are bestE to encourage ne2 prospects to buy your ser"ices and
The la2 also can be used to con"ince your super"isors or staff that their counterparts in
other di"isions or companies are follo2ing similar suggestions to yours! #eople 2ant to
feel like they are part of an established community that already kno2s 2here it is going!
/# 'thical Issues
#ersuasion can be used for good or ill! In an en"ironment that seeks to follo2 ethical
rules, it should only be
used to make li"es better! $anipulation occurs 2hen you eBploit or decei"e others solely
for your o2n gain!
This does not result in a 2in/2in situation!
(eing adept at persuasion is often the missing key to success in the 2orkplace and your
personal life! If you gi"e people 2hat they 2ant "ia the SiB La2s of #ersuasion, they=ll
most likely return the fa"or! And 2hen you recogniGe that you are being manipulated,
you can call the other side on their tactics and counter 2ith an appropriate strategy! This
2ill lead to a more effecti"e 2ay of achie"ing the goals of all negotiating parties!
Carnegie, Dale! @o2 to 1in &riends and Influence #eople! )e2 <ork: #ocket (ooks,
Cialdini, 0obert (! Influence: The #sychology of #ersuasion! )e2 <ork: 1illiam $orro2,
&isher, 0oger and 1illiam >ry! Qetting to <es: )egotiating Agreement 1ithout Qi"ing In!
)e2 <ork: #enguin, +,,4!
@ogan, ;e"in! The #sychology of #ersuasion: @o2 to #ersuade Athers to <our 1ay of
Thinking! Qretna, LA: #elican, -996!
"8# Influencing .echni0ues: (reparation
.he Steps in (reparation include:
-! 1hat do you 2ant to achie"e3
+! 1hat is the range of things the other person could offer3
4! 1hat 2ould you be prepared to accept3 Di!e! 2hat is your fall/back positionE
.! 1hat are the facts and figures behind the situation3
• 1hen did it happen3
• @o2 many times3
• A"er 2hat period of time3
• 1hat is the effect on the customerFdepartmentFindi"idualFcompany3
• 1hat e"idence can you pro"ide3
5! 1ho are you influencing in terms of personality and style of 2orking3 1hat
approaches may help influence them3 &or eBample:
• Are they statistics orientated3
• Like eBamples painted for them3
• Are they "isionaries 2here you describe 2hat it 2ould be like if they agree to
• Do they respond best to information placed in graphsFpie charts3
• Do they prefer flo2charts and diagrams3
• 1hat "alues are important to them3
• 1hat sense of humour do they ha"e3
• 1hat pressures and challenges are they faced 2ith at this time3
Thinking about the Influencee in this 2ay can help us plan our communication
style during the meeting!
6! @o2 2ill you approach the con"ersation3 1hat 2ill tune them in3 1hat 2ords 2ill
you use3 1hat tactics 2ill you use3
7! 1hat ob?ections may they come up 2ith3
8! @o2 2ill you o"ercome these ob?ections3
9! 1hen is the best time to influence3
-,! 1here 2ill you influence3 Dit can be ad"antageous to meet the Influencee
a2ay from interruptions at their deskE
,# I$.'R('RS)$AL A$D
"# .he Johari Windo
The Cohari 1indo2, sho2n belo2, is a model that gi"es us a "isual 2ay to think about
Coe Luft and @arry Ingham
This model delineates four :uadrants in"ol"ed in interpersonal relationships:
\ The open area is 2hat 2e both kno2 about me and openly share!
\ The hidden area is 2hat I hide from you about myself!
\ The blind area is 2hat you kno2 about me but 2hat you keep from me, 2hat you
obser"e about me, or think or feel about me, of 2hich I am una2are!
\ The unkno2n area is part of me, from my past, about 2hich neither one of us yet
kno2s, at least on a conscious le"el!
'!panding the )pen Area
The more 2e can increase the parts of oursel"es that are kno2n to self and
others, the greater our potential for building effecti"e relationships, both at home
and in the 2orkplace!
(enefits! <ou="e already considered some of the benefits of increasing the area that you
kno2 about yourself! (ut increasing 2hat others kno2 about you is one of the most
important things you can do to build trust 2ith those you lead!
1hen leaders make their reasoning and thinking apparent to others, they build
trust o"er time! As a result, others are then more 2illing to gi"e them the benefit
of the doubt during those times 2hen the leader can=t share information!
(ecoming more open means sho2ing people more of your thinking, more of the things
that you are 2restling 2ith, more about your ob?ecti"es, and your likes and dislikes 2ith
respect to the MbusinessN of emergency management! It means making yourself more
D0emember, though, 2e=re talking about 2ork/related issues, not personal issues!E
True: being more open in"ol"es some risk! (ut the potential payoff is greater trust,
understanding, and the benefit of the doubt 2hen it=s needed!
Ways to Increase SelfN9noledge
1hether or not you consider yourself a self/a2are person, there are many 2ays
to learn more about yourself and ho2 you lead! Three important methods include:
\ Soliciting authentic feedback!
1e tend to be an out2ard/oriented society! That tendency leads us to think that
both our problems and their solutions are outside of us!
The upside of this is that 2e become good at recogniGing and analyGing the 2orld
outside oursel"es! (ut the do2nside is that 2e tend to o"erlook the 2ays in 2hich 2e
oursel"es are impacting the 2orld around us! 1e tend to be less a2are of the choices
2e make, our o2n responses to situations, and our o2n resources that can help us
Aur out2ard orientation can blind us to perhaps our most important and readily
a"ailable resources: our o2n talents, preferences, and choices! If you de"elop self/
assessment as a habit, you 2ill be able o"er time to see
yourself 2ith greater honesty and accuracy!
Self/reflection is another method for increasing self/a2areness! Self/reflection is the
ability to Mhit the pause buttonN and critically assess yourself or a situation!
1hy is self/reflection important to leadership3
\ Self/reflection helps you ensure that you are taking actions that are sound and not
simply running on Mauto pilot,N but rather are conscious about doing 2hat is most
important in any gi"en situation!
\ Self/reflection can help you learn from your eBperience to a"oid the trap of
simply repeating things that aren=t 2orking!
\ Self/reflection allo2s you to notice your habitual 2ays of responding so that you ha"e
the option of approaching things differently!
There are many 2ays to reflect, and some methods may 2ork better for you than
others! Ane approach is ?ust to take a short time/out in 2hich you simply stop and think!
Ather approaches include:
\ Cournal 2riting!
\ )ote taking!
\ Talking to others DMthinking out loudNE!
\ Speaking into a tape!
\ Dra2ing pictures
-# Authentic %eedback
The third techni:ue for increasing self/kno2ledge is soliciting authentic feedback from
others! Leaders 2ho kno2 themsel"es and let others kno2 them are those 2ho
command respect and trust! Soliciting feedback is one of the most effecti"e methods for
increasing the open area of the Cohari 1indo2, M;no2n to Self and Athers!N &eedback is
critical to self/kno2ledge and thus, your ability to lead! It helps you to kno2 if you are
leading in 2ays that are effecti"e for those 2hom you lead!
&eedback can be informal! 1e usually think of feedback as a formal process that
happens once or t2ice a year! (ut you don=t ha"e to 2ait for a formal process to get
feedback! In fact, the more informally and fre:uently you get feedback, the better! It is
"ital to ask for and recei"e feedback in a 2ay that encourages others to tell us the truth
as they see it!
&eedback re:uires trust! #eople may be reluctant to gi"e you honest feedback if they
don=t trust you! That 2illingness to be honest is built on trust that de"elops o"er time!
And to some eBtent, most of us ha"e a tendency /usually unconscious / to do things that
inhibit others from gi"ing us truthful feedback! Do2n deep, 2e may not really 2ant the
Tips for 'ncouraging Authentic &eedback
\ (efore you ask for feedback, be clear in your o2n mind 2hy you=re asking!
\ Ask for feedback only 2hen you are open to hearing it!
\ Listen to 2hat they ha"e to say! Take notes!
\ A"oid being defensi"e! Don=t try to eBplain yourself during the feedback process!
\ 0estate 2hat the speaker has told you, to make sure that you understand 2hat
\ Ask follo2/up :uestions to gain clarityP get specifics! &or eBample:
\ MCan you gi"e me some specifics3N
\ M1hat impact is that ha"ing3N
\ MCan you tell me more about that3N
\ Thank them!
\ 1hen possible, make changes as a result of the feedback!
\ Initially, ask infre:uently until others see that you=re 2illing to make changes
based on earlier feedback gi"en you! 0emember that you need to build trust in the fact
that you really 2ant to hear 2hat they ha"e to say and that you 2ill do something to
0emember, those acting out of the Leader paradigm are leaders of change! The best
2ay you can model to others that change is 2elcome is to gro2 and change yourself!
Soliciting feedback is one of the best 2ays to sho2 symbolically the people you lead that
you are open to input and 2illing to change! Then, take action on the feedback that you
feel is "alid!
<ou are not re:uired to adopt e"ery bit of feedback that people gi"e you! (ut try
thinking about feedback as similar to the gifts you recei"e for your birthday! To
some of them, you=ll say, M<'SS Q0'ATSN To others, you=ll say, MThank you,N and put
them in your closet! )e"ertheless, you 2ill benefit more if you stay open to all of the
feedback, consider it carefully and 2ith an open mind, and incorporate 2hat seems "alid!
:o to gi6e feedback=
'Bample % 2hat beha"iour you ha"e obser"ed
'ffect % on the team, manager, customerFclient, or company
Change % 2hat change in beha"iour do you eBpect % tell them, or ask them
'!ample: Qeorge, this spreadsheet you supplied me for the meeting had 4
'ffect: 1e had to 2aste time manually calculating the figures!
Change: @o2 can 2e impro"e things for neBt time3
,# .he ladder of Inference:
understanding ho you think
@a"e you e"er noticed 2hat happens 2hen you really listen to another person 2ithout
intending to respond3 #erhaps not, because most of us listen only rarely! >sually 2hat
2e hear is recei"ed through many filters, including:
\ Assumptions and biases!
\ 0esistances and barriers stemming from a different set of beliefs!
\ #reoccupation 2ith identifying areas of agreement 2ith our o2n beliefs, and
the significance of such agreement!
\ Thinking about ho2 2e 2ill respond!
Sometimes it=s difficult to differentiate bet2een 2hat a person actually says and
ho2 2e interpret 2hat they said! In other 2ords, our o2n beliefs affect 2hat and
ho2 2e hear!
Ladder of Inference
(usiness theorist Chris Argyris de"eloped a model that eBplains our thinking process as
2e interact 2ith the 2orld! According to this model, as 2e mo"e up the ladder our
beliefs affect 2hat 2e infer about 2hat 2e obser"e and therefore become part of ho2 2e
eBperience our interaction 2ith other people!
The 7/steps model: All the information in the 2orld / ` I select DATA from 2hat I
obser"e! /` I add $'A)I)QS Dcultural and personalE! /` I make ASS>$#TIA)S based
on the meanings I added! /` I dra2 CA)CL>SIA)S! /` I adopt ('LI'&S about the
2orld! /` I take ACTIA)S based on my beliefs!
An ob"ious eBample of this 2ould be only MhearingN that 2hich supports your
o2n argument! (ut the process is usually much more subtle! <our background
influences the meanings that you ascribe to 2hat you hear, 2hich in turn leads
you to make assumptions! In fact, your beliefs affect 2hich data you select in
the first place!
If you take the time to M2alkN do2n the Ladder of Inference, you can learn a
great deal about ho2 your o2n beliefs, assumptions, background, culture, and
other influences Di!e!, your o2n personal paradigmE affect ho2 you interpret 2hat others
say and ho2 you interact 2ith them! It is also a useful tool for reaching a better
understanding of those you lead!
'!ercise: .o alk don your Ladder of Inference, try this:
-! Look at the front page of your daily ne2spaper, and pick a story!
+! 0ead the story, then ans2er this :uestion:
\ At lunch, one of your colleagues asks, MSo, 2hat do you think about athe topic of the
story you selectedb3N @o2 2ould you respond3 DAt this point, don=t o"eranalyGeP ?ust
4! )eBt, think about ho2 you arri"ed at your response! Consider these :uestions:
\ 1hat made you select that particular story3 Did the headline tie in 2ith strong
opinions or past eBperience on your part3
\ 1hat beliefs or opinions did you already hold, before you read the story3
\ 1hat kinds of assumptions did you make as you read the story D&or eBample, if
people 2ere :uoted, did you belie"e them3 1hy or 2hy not3E3
\ @o2 did those assumptions affect the conclusions that you dre2 about the story3
\ Did your conclusions differ in any 2ay from opinions that you already held3
&sing the Ladder of Inference to Create an 'n6ironment of Leadership
As you interact 2ith other people, try 2alking do2n the ladder to gain a better
understanding of ho2 you / and they / think!
\ Listen carefully to 2hat people actually say! Try not to interpret at first!
\ Listen for conclusions and beliefs / yours and theirs!
\ Do they ?ump to conclusions3
\ 1hat conclusions are you making as you listen3
\ Listen for directly obser"able data!
\ Can you form a picture in your mind of 2hat they are saying3
\ Ask yourself: 1hat led them to think as they do3
\ Suspend your certainties and conclusions!
\ Do they act as if their conclusions are ob"ious3
\ Do you3
\ Are there other 2ays of seeing things3
\ 1hat must be the Ladder of Inference in their minds3
-# In0uiry 6s# Ad6ocacy
1hat happens 2hen you sit do2n 2ith another person or a group of people and
discuss something Dan issue, a plan, a goal, a problemE3 A healthy discussion 2ill include
first in:uiry, then ad"ocacy!
In:uiry in"ol"es talking 2ith other people and learning from them! At this stage, you
are not ?udging, arguing, or trying to present your o2n "ie2point / ?ust learning!
During this phase you should stri"e not only to hear the other person=s 2ords, but to
learn about their mental models to understand 2here they are coming from and 2hat
they are really saying!
This is also a time for obser"ing your o2n thoughts, checking out your Ladder of
Inference! In:uiry re:uires that you suspend assumptions! This does not mean laying
them aside, but rather bringing them for2ard and making them eBplicit so that you and
the others can eBplore their meaning and impact!
A second aspect of communication, after the in:uiry stage, is ad"ocacy! Ad"ocacy
in"ol"es MsellingN an idea or position or directing attention to certain facts you think are
rele"ant! This is 2hen you begin to e"aluate ideas, narro2 the field, and 2ork to2ard
In a team conteBt, in:uiry and ad"ocacy are sometimes called dialogue and discussion!
During the dialogue phase, e"eryone should be in an in:uiry $ode / sharing facts, ideas,
and opinions, 2ithout e"aluating or defending them!
(y the time you mo"e to the discussion phase, e"eryone should ha"e a common
understanding of all of the facts and "ie2points! Then comes discussion, 2hen you try to
determine 2hat you belie"e in!
The problem in many teams is that they tend to mo"e too :uickly to discussion,
2ithout ade:uate in:uiry! This has the effect of stifling creati"e thinking and
5alancing In0uiry and Ad6ocacy
The key / both 2ithin yourself and in 2orking 2ith a team / is to balance in:uiry
and ad"ocacy! <ou need both!
In your efforts to de"elop self/kno2ledge, be a2are of your intentions behind your
in:uiry and ad"ocacy, and stri"e to balance the t2o! Then, 2ork to enable your group to
do the same! @ere are some suggestions!
.ips for 5alancing In0uiry and Ad6ocacy
\ (ecome a2are of the gap bet2een 2hat you intend and 2hat you actually do! D)otice
other people=s reactions to you: Are they 2hat you eBpected3 1hy or 2hy not3E $ake an
effort to understand and begin to close this gap!
\ Let go of the 2inFlose mindset of controlled discussion! Decide to learn from others!
\ $ake your thinking "isible, and ask others to do the same! State your assumptions,
eBplain your reasoning, and gi"e eBamples!
\ A"oid defensi"eness 2hen your ideas are :uestioned!
\ (e a2are 2hen you or others are ?umping to conclusions!
\ Qently 2alk others do2n the Ladder of Inference and find out 2hat data they are
operating from! >se unaggressi"e language De!g!, MCan you help me understand your
\ Listen 2ithout resistance! @ear ideas as if for the first time!
\ 0espect differences!
\ Suspend role and status during dialogueP let leadership become a shared
responsibility of the 2hole group!
\ Try to bring for2ard people 2ho ha"e not spoken, and prompt them to add their
\ Take risks by participating and being 2illing to make mistakes! Speak from your o2n
\ 1hen ad"ocating, stay open and encourage others to gi"e different "ie2s!
\ If you notice that a discussion is lopsided, let the group kno2 2hat you="e obser"ed!
@elp the group to balance in:uiry and ad"ocacy by making your o2n contributions in a
2ay that creates more balance!
/# 5uilding and Rebuilding .rust
What Is .rust=
Trust is a relationship based on mutual confidence that 2e 2ill both:
\ Do 2hat 2e say!
\ Communicate honestly!
\ 0espect one another=s kno2ledge, skills, and abilities!
\ $aintain confidentiality!
\ ;eep our interactions unguarded!
Trust is a state of mind! )otice that all of these things are actions! It=s not our 2ords
that generate trust, but 2hat 2e do! The real message is in our actions!
Trust is a combination of trusting others and being trust2orthy!
What+s So Important About .rust=
Trust is a fundamental building block of human relationships! In simple terms, it=s ?ust
ho2 people treat each other!
Trust is also the "ery core of leadership! 1illing follo2ers must trust their leaders!
D1ithout trust, no one 2ill follo2!E (ut trust cannot be mandatedP it must be earned!
#eople 2orking out of the Leader paradigm get their credibility and po2er Mfrom
beha"ioral integrity: W2alking the talk and talking the 2alk!= Leaders= po2er comes from
their consistent, principle/centered beha"ior and actions that demonstrate honesty,
integrity, trust, dignity, and respect for all people!N This is 2hy people choose to follo2
5enefits of a :ighN.rust 'n6ironment
A high/trust en"ironment creates commitment and loyalty to the organiGation! 1hen
people get the idea, M1e=re all in this boat together,N the organiGation is in"ariably better
In a high/trust en"ironment, leadership tells the truth, and people are enlightened about
the organiGation=s position and 2hat actions they need to take to help achie"e its goals!
In a high/trust en"ironment, people are more 2illing to accept change and to 2ork
to2ard successfully integrating the effects of change!
'"ery manager in business, industry, and go"ernment has an important leadership role
in building a high/trust en"ironment 2ith his or her employees!
As a leader you ha"e a more compleB role of building trust at multiple le"els! Trust is a
necessary element of:
\ Leading your subordinates to 2ork energetically to2ard meeting the organiGation=s
\ De"eloping trusting relationships 2ith "arious le"els of the go"ernment hierarchy
\ 1orking 2ith other companies and or departments or agencies!
\ De"eloping constructi"e relationships 2ith the media
\ (uilding positi"e relationships 2ith the public!
In short: <our relationships 2ith go"ernment officials, 2ith other organiGations, 2ith the
media, 2ith your subordinates and 2ith the public 2ill affect your company=s F
department=s success and define your personal success as a leader! Those relationships
are built on a foundation of trust!
1hen things are continually changing, it can become difficult to build a case for trust!
It=s almost as if you 2ere saying MTrust me V I="e ne"er done this eitherSN
In these times of rapid change, more than e"er before, your challenge as a leader is to
build trust 2here it has ne"er been and to rebuild trust 2here it has been lost!
"# Doing hat you say may be e6idenced by such beha6iors as:
\ $anaging eBpectations
\ 'stablishing boundaries
\ Delegating appropriately
\ 'ncouraging mutually ser"ing intentions
\ @onoring agreements
\ (eing consistent
\ $eeting eBpectations
,# @ou can demonstrate respect for other people+s knoledge, skills, and
\ Ackno2ledging their abilities to do their ?obs!
\ Allo2ing them to use their talents to accomplish goals!
\ (eing a2are of your control needs and their impact on others!
\ 0educing controlsP not micromanaging!
\ In"ol"ing others and seeking their input!
\ @elping people learn skills!
\ Qi"ing them the resources, authority, and responsibility needed to get their 2ork
\ Trusting your o2n competence to assess each situation 2ith open eyes and determine
2hom you can trust 2ith 2hat!
-# @ou can demonstrate unguarded interactions by such beha6iors as:
\ Sharing information!
\ Telling the truth!
\ Admitting mistakes!
\ Qi"ing and recei"ing constructi"e feedback!
\ Allo2ing for mutual influenceP clarifying mutual eBpectations!
\ $aintaining confidentiality!
\ Speaking 2ith good purpose!
5uilding and nurturing trust in the orkplace re0uires leaders ho:
\ @onestly describe any situation they are in, including discussing any loss of
trust that has occurred!
\ 0espect others and relationships 2ith them during tough times as 2ell as
2hen things are smooth sailing!
\ )urture understanding and empathy 2ith themsel"es and 2ith others!
\ Desire to build and maintain a cooperati"e organiGational culture
Are @ou .rustorthy=
Demonstrating trust2orthiness is critical if you 2ant to successfully manage change, and
you should periodically gauge ho2 2orthy of trust your o2n beha"ior is! <ou can use the
follo2ing :uestions as a starting point!
O Is my beha6ior predictable or erratic=
Do people kno2 2hat to eBpect from me3 Do my actions match the "alues I espouse3
<our actions should follo2 your 2ords and should stay constant regardless of the times
or people you are 2orking 2ith!
O Do I communicate clearly or carelessly=
Some people speak 2ithout thinking of the impression their 2ords lea"e behind and ho2
they impact people=s li"es! 1hen you speak 2ithout considering this, people begin to
think you are flippant and not 2orthy of trust!
O Do I keep my promises=
If you don=t keep your promises, then neither 2ill those you 2ork 2ith! If people cannot
tell 2hat you "alue and 2ill follo2 through on, confusion and mistrust 2ill result!
O Am I forthright or dishonest=
)o one trusts someone 2ho lies! @onesty doesn=t mean that you disclose e"erything
2hen it isn=t appropriate, but you need to be honest about 2hat you can and cannot
What Is @our Capacity for .rust=
<our ability to trust others reflects to some eBtent your ability to trust yourself!
The follo2ing :uestions 2ill help you begin to think about your capacity for trusting
\ Do you trust yourself3
\ In 2hat types of situations can you ans2er MyesN and 2hen is the ans2er MnoN3
\ In 2hat 2ays do you consider yourself reliable3
\ In 2hat 2ays do you consider yourself unreliable3
\ Do you trust others3
\ 1hen can you say MyesN to this3 1hen do you say MnoN3
\ 1hat do you look for 2hen considering 2hether another person is trust2orthy3
\ Do you trust people as a habit, or do you 2ait for them to pro"e themsel"es3
\ @o2 does this affect ho2 you 2ork 2ith others3
Deciding to .rust
<our capacity for building trusting relationships, in general, is a function of your
propensity to use trust/enhancing beha"iors and the degree to 2hich you eBpect others
to use them!
(ut 2hat about specific relationships3 <our decision to trust a specific person, and the
degree of trust that you place in that person, are influenced by many factors, including:
\ @istory and eBperience 2ith that indi"idual!
\ The person=s le"el of competence and ability!
\ @o2 much risk is in"ol"ed, or the potential for negati"e conse:uences!
\ The person=s relati"e po2er and authority!
\ The organiGational en"ironment!
So, you can 2ork diligently on your general propensity to trust, but some people 2ill still
let you do2n! Does that mean that you shouldn=t trust3
)o, because although trust can be person/specific and situation/specific, you still ha"e a
general propensity to Dor not toE trust! And that propensity 2ill in turn influence the
decisions that you make! $ost people can stand to eBpand their capacity for trust!
'!panding @our Capacity for .rust
&irst, you can simply be a2are of the kinds of beha"iors that help to build and maintain
interpersonal trust, including those that you personally tend to Dor not toE demonstrate!
Then, you can identify instances, eBamples, and situations 2here you can try to use
those trusting beha"iors Dthat you might not use enoughE more fre:uently!
1e ha"e discussed a number of 2ays to build trust and fulfill the eBpectations of a
trusting relationship: doing 2hat 2e sayP communicating honestlyP respecting one
another=s kno2ledge, skills, and abilitiesP maintaining confidentialityP and keeping our
Cust as consistently fulfilling eBpectations strengthens trust, failure to act in these 2ays
in"ariably undermines and erodes trust!
&or eBample, the follo2ing types of beha"ior 2ill in"ariably reduce trust:
\ Distorting, 2ithholding, or concealing real moti"es!
\ &alsifying rele"ant information!
\ Attempting to control or dominate!
\ )ot discussing or meeting others= eBpectations of performance or beha"ior!
\ Attempting to e"ade responsibility for beha"ior!
\ Accepting credit for other people=s 2ork!
\ )ot honoring commitments!
Any of these beha"iors can be intentional or unintentional!
0emember, building trust is a slo2 process, and trust can be destroyed by a single
e"ent! Trust is destroyed by a 2inFlose mentality, and trust is strengthened by a 2inF2in
When .rust 5reaks Don
<ou=ll probably sur"i"e one unintentional breach of trust, especially if you take action to
address the situation!
(ut as unintentional breaches accumulate, other people 2ill e"entually begin to distrust
you! 1ith their distrust 2ill come the belief that your intentions are not sincere and that
you ha"e ulterior moti"es!
After you="e breached trust, it is important to consider ho2 to restore it!
@ere are siB steps that you can take to reco"er from a mistake that may ha"e
unintentionally damaged trust!
\ Accept personal responsibility for your actions and those of your organiGation!
\ Admit: #ublicly ackno2ledge that you ha"e made a mistake! Aften, leaders either
deny or attempt to co"er up any 2rongdoing for fear that admitting a mistake might
damage their credibility! '"idence sho2s that attempting to hide mistakes 2ill be much
more damaging and 2ill actually erode trust!
\ ApologiBe: Affer an apology! This lets others kno2 that you are concerned about the
impact or problem that your actions may ha"e created!
\ Act: Take action to deal 2ith the immediate conse:uences of a mistake! This sho2s
that you are 2illing to do something! This is a good time to get others in"ol"ed by asking
for suggestions and trusting their ?udgment!
\ Amend: A leader=s error can cause undue hardship to others! The amends made
should fit the problem!
\ Attend: Leaders need to make sure that they are attuned to the influence their
actions are ha"ing on rebuilding lost trust! #ay close attention to the reactions of those
2ho are affected, ask for feedback, and be non/defensi"e in listening to constructi"e
criticism! This should also help you a"oid unintentional breaches of trust in the future!
1# Reacting Skills
Another important skill area in building influence relationships is reacting skills: the
ability to react appropriately to another person=s point of "ie2 after you understand it!
The ability to react effecti"ely is important because influence relationships de"elop 2hen
both parties feel that their ideas are important to the other! 0eacting effecti"ely
encourages open communication and trust!
Typically, there are three gut reactions you may ha"e to someone=s idea or suggestion:
\ Think of 2ays to enhance the idea
)o matter 2hat your gut reaction, the important thing is to react to it in a 2ay that is
both honest and maintains a positi"e climate for future communication! There are three
skills that 2ill allo2 you to do this:
If you like the person=s idea, say so! (ut make sure you state both 2hat you like and
2hy you like it! &or eBample, you might say, MI like your idea of % because /!N (y
communicating the "alue that the idea has for you Di!e!, 2hy you like itE, you gi"e the
person additional reinforcement for offering the idea!
O Constructi6e Disagreement
1hen people suggest ideas, they hope that their ideas 2ill be liked! (ut that isn=t al2ays
the case! Sometimes the response is disagreement! #eople often find it difficult to state
their disagreement, ho2e"er! 'ither they don=t 2ant to hurt the person=s feelings, or
they don=t like to say Mno,N or they don=t kno2 ho2 to say MnoN diplomatically!
The result is that they sometimes take inappropriate actions, such as postponing gi"ing
an ans2er, going along 2ith an unacceptable idea, or implying that the disagreement
stems from someone else De!g!, MI don=t think they 2ill let us do thatNE!
If disagreement is not handled correctly, the person can become defensi"e or the
possibility of future discussions may be dampened! The self/esteem of the person should
be a ma?or concern!
If your reaction is that you see "alue in the idea but ha"e some reser"ations Dagree 2ith
parts and disagree 2ith othersE, use constructi"e disagreement! @ere=s ho2:
"# Identify the 6alue#
&or eBample, you might say, M1hat I like about your idea is /!N If you listened carefully,
you=ll understand both the idea and 2hy the person thinks that it=s a good one!
Identifying the "alue in the idea lets the person kno2 that you are listening, 2hich 2ill
help the person hear your concerns!
,# '!plain your reser6ations#
&or eBample, you might say, M1hat concerns me is /,N or MThese are the things that
2ould need to be o"ercome!N $ake sure you=re specific and clear! And a"oid the
tendency to ?ump prematurely to your reser"ations! 'Bpress the "alue firstS
-# Discuss alternati6es#
Talk about 2ays to retain the "alue 2hile eliminating reser"ations! The goal is to modify
the original idea so that it is acceptable to both of you! The modifications can come from
you or from the other person Di!e!, either ask for or offer suggestionsE! If you offer a
suggestion, ask the other person for his or her reaction to it! This keeps the con"ersation
as a t2o/2ay dialogue!
O 5uilding on Ideas
1hen your reaction to someone=s suggestion is that it stimulates your thinking about the
idea and 2ays to enhance it, you ha"e an opportunity to build on ideas / to add "alue to
the original idea! This does not mean ?ust offering a ne2 idea of your o2n! There are t2o
steps in this process!
"# Acknoledge the connection#
&irst, ackno2ledge the connection bet2een the person=s idea and 2hat you are about to
say! &or eBample, you might begin, M1hat you said about ! ! ! !N This lets the person
kno2 that you 2ere listening and gi"es them credit for the initial idea in the building
,# Add 6alue#
$odify the original idea to add "alue to it De!g!, suggest additional reasons 2hy the idea
is a good one or 2ays to make the idea e"en betterE!
O %air fighting, or :o to Disagree Agreeably
D(y 'ric $essingerE
;eep the follo2ing 0ules of 'ngagement in mind at your neBt impasseP they might help
you a"oid an unproducti"e argument!
"# (ick your battles#
M<ou do not ha"e to address e"ery in?ustice or irritation that comes along,N says @arriet
Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger: A 1oman=s Quide to Changing the #atterns of
Intimate 0elationships! M(ut it is a mistake to stay silent 2hen an issue matters and the
cost of silence is feeling bitter, resentful, or disconnected!N
,# &nderstand the stakes#
'"en if you think that you kno2 the other person=s issues, it can=t hurt to pose a direct
:uestion! Ask M W1hat=s your real concern here3=N DM1hy do you ask this3N, M1hy is this
issue important to you3N, M 1hat else is important here3NE says 0ebecca Lucker,
cofounder of )eBt Step #artners, an eBecuti"e/coaching firm in San &rancisco! MAften
people are not really "oicing it!N
-# Wait until you+re calm#
1hen emotions run high, disagreements can turn personal, and that=s rarely producti"e!
0ecogniGe 2hen emotions are charged, and don=t ha"e the con"ersation until you ha"e a
/# 5e respectful!
If someone thinks you=re listening thoughtfully, they are more likely to respond in kind!
An empathetic phrase, such as MI understand ho2 you feel,N or MI can see 2hy this
upsets youN can go a long 2ay!
1# Speak for yourself#
0ather than criticiGing the other person, stick to eBpressing your o2n feelings and
actions DMI felt hurt 2henV, because VN or MI=m concerned becauseVNE! MIt=s honest and
authentic 2hen you say ho2 you truly "ie2 a situation,N says Cennell '"ans, cofounder of
the 1ashington, D!C!%based consulting firm Strategic Interactions!
2# Don+t interrogate#
Try not to go on a la2yerlike attack 2ith a litany of yes/or/no :uestions! This tack is
aggressi"e, puts the other person on the defensi"e, and can belittle the other person,
3# State the facts#
If you ha"e them, use them! &acts gi"e opinions and feelings a lot more credibility! It
also helps that Mthey aren=t personal or emotional,N so they can help make your
disagreement constructi"e, Lucker says! Cust make sure you really do ha"e the facts!
At the "ery least, you should be able to name your source!
4# Speak to common interests#
;eep the common goal and good in mind! 0emember: If an argument turns nasty,
nobody 2ins! Tell the person ho2 much they mean to you and ho2 much you "alue their
7# Aim to clear the air rather than in#
In many instances, the disagreement 2ill end in dctente! Don=t try to 2in the argumentP
it=s more important to focus on understanding 2hy the other person thinks differently
than you do!
"8# Consider compromise#
It doesn=t get you eBactly 2hat you 2ant, but it can be an effecti"e 2ay for people to
o"ercome a disagreement and mo"e for2ard! 0emember: A compromise doesn=t ha"e to
be e:ual to be acceptable! @o2e"er, it is important for you to understand 2hat you=re
both gi"ing up and to be comfortable 2ith that e:uation! M<ou don=t ha"e to feel happy
about a compromise, but you ha"e to feel you can li"e 2ith it,N says 0obin @oberman/
(ecker, a mediator and di"orce la2yer in Chicago!
O ReDecting, refusing or making a complaint or bringing unpleasant nes
Among the many skills, the one I en?oy sharing most is one of the simplest! It=s the
Sand2ich Techni:ue: a tool managers use 2hen they ha"e to address a troubling
It=s easy and effecti"e! Compliments and positi"e statements Msand2ichN each side of the
unpleasant ne2s, thus making it easier to digest!
&ollo2 these tips for best results:
-! (egin the con"ersation 2ith a genuine compliment and positi"e statement about the
person in a non/?udgmental, calm, and congenial tone of "oice!
+! 1hen mo"ing into the meat of the matter, use transition 2ords such as regrettably,
unfortunately, or ho2e"er!
4! (e specific! It=s best to state no more than t2o items to impro"e! This is not the time
to air your laundry list of gripes!
.! 0emain calm throughout and speak in a lo2 and e"en tone of "oice! State the facts
and don=t get emotional!
5! $aintain an open and in"iting body language! <ou don=t 2ant to appear closed off,
2ith your arms or hands folded!
6! 1hen an apology is 2arranted, don=t skirt it!
\ Accept personal responsibility for your actions and those of your organiGation!
\ Admit: #ublicly ackno2ledge that you ha"e made a mistake!
\ ApologiBe: Affer an apology! Say MI=m sorryN or MI apologiGeN and sho2 sincere
\ Act: Take action to deal 2ith the immediate conse:uences of a mistake!
Suggest specific 2ays to resol"e the matter so the t2o of you can mo"e for2ard!
This is a good time to get others in"ol"ed by asking for suggestions and trusting
\ Amend: your error can cause undue hardship to others! The amends made
should fit the problem!
\ Attend: #ay close attention to the reactions of those 2ho are affected, ask for
feedback, and be non/defensi"e in listening to constructi"e criticism! This should
also help you a"oid unintentional breaches of trust in the future!
7! 'nd 2ith positi"e and encouraging statements that 2ill help rene2 the relationship
and allo2 e"eryone in"ol"ed to feel good about the con"ersation that ?ust took place!
8! If the other person reacts 2ith Mand no23N, Mso 2hat am I to do no23N than you might
add one or more suggestions! Don=t sell your alternati"e solutions ho2e"er: a solution is
best accepted 2hen formulated by the other person himself!
9! &ollo2 up a fe2 days later to see ho2 the person felt about the con"ersation and
confirm all is resol"ed or if further discussion is needed!
Some Ways .o decline a re0uest
If you are not sure ho2 to do so, here are some 2ays for saying MnoN! >se the method
that best meets your needs in any gi"en situation!
"# An e!ample from Stephen Co6ey:
MSandra, I appreciate so much your in"iting me to be part of this! I feel honoured by it!
&or a number of reasons, I 2on=t be participating myself! (ut I 2ant you to kno2 ho2
much I appreciate your in"itation!N
,# &se positi6e language:
Don=t say: Myou=re 2rongN, but: Mthat=s an interesting pointSN, MeBcellent ideaSN MIndeedSN
V follo2ed by: Mha"e you considered V3N
-# If you are not interested at all
M)o, I=m not able toN A0 Mno, I can=tN
/# If you are too busy:
MI can=t commit to this as I ha"e other priorities at the moment!N Ar M)o, I don=t ha"e
enough time right no2N
If it makes things easier, you can also share 2hat you=re 2orking on so the person can
understand better! (ut only if you 2ish to do so! Do not feel obliged to eBplain! If you
do eBplain: keep it simple and in no 2ay make detailed eBcuses for not being able to
comply! ;eep in mind that pro"iding eBcuses gi"es the people a reason to contest your
1# If you are interested, but are unable to comply due to your schedule:
M)o2=s not a good time as I=m in the middle of something! @o2 about 2e reconnect at
H time3N A0 MLet me think about it first and I=ll get back to you!N
(y suggesting another time Dat yr con"enienceE, the person doesn=t feel blo2n off!
2# If a proposal doesn+t meet your needs
MThis doesn=t meet my needs no2 but I=ll be sure to keep you in mind!N
It helps as the person kno2s it=s nothing 2rong about 2hat heFshe is offering, but that
you are looking for something else! At the same time, by saying you=ll keep himFher in
mind, it signals you are open to future opportunities!
3# If you feel you don+t ha6e the resources to help
MI=m not the best person to help on this! 1hy don=t you try H3N
Learn to say no to re:uests that don=t meet your needs, and once you do that you=ll find
ho2 easy it actually is! <ou=ll get more time for yourself, your 2ork and things that are
most important to you! I kno2 I do and I=m happy I started doing that!
2# (olitical Sa66y
There are times 2hen the ability to influence others is not enough, and a good rationale
may not be sufficient to s2ay someone to your point of "ie2! Something is missing:
#olitical Sa""y: A Dirty 1ord3
$any people ha"e strong and contradictory feelings about being political! The roots of
the term political sa""y indicate, ho2e"er, that our attention should be on others!
#olitical comes from the Latin 2ord meaning Mthe citiGensN and sa""y is from the &rench
"erb meaning Mto understand!N So political sa""y is, at its core, the ability to kno2 the
#olitical sa""y is a crucial leadership skill, and it can be employed in a positi"e 2ay for
#ersonal Interests "s! ArganiGational Interests
(elo2 is a model that illustrates 2hat political sa""y is and 2hat it is not! The Interest
Qrid contains four :uadrants representing high and lo2 le"els of self/interest and
As you read about each :uadrant in the model, think about a leader you ha"e kno2n
Dpersonally or by reputationE 2ho eBemplifies this approach!
O Dysfunctional politics:
#eople 2ho engage in manipulation promote their o2n interests at the eBpense of the
#eople 2ho take actions that further neither their o2n interests, nor those of the
organiGation are engaging in Mcareer suicide!N This beha"ior often signals deep
discouragement or burnout!
#eople 2ho take actions that further the organiGation=s interests but that ignore their
o2n! They naturally think about 2hat is right for the organiGation, and they also kno2
that a reputation for putting aside personal agendas builds credibility! @o2e"er, 2hen
o"erused, this approach can lead to burnout and martyrdom!
O (olitical sa66y:
#eople 2ho make decisions that balance their o2n interests 2ith those of their
>sing influence 2ell can actually be a tremendous ser"ice to the organiGation and to the
people a leader manages! It can bring the leader=s particular unit or department
"isibility, stature, resources, and a "oice in shaping 2hat happens!
An the other hand, lacking or misusing political skills can ha"e "ery serious
conse:uences to yourself, to your unit, and ultimately e"en to your ability to achie"e
emergency management goals in the future!
5uilding 5locks for (olitical Sa66y
There are three critical building blocks that 2ill help to strengthen your o2n political
\ Alliance $indset: A mindset focused on alliance!
\ >nderstand <our Allies: The ability to understand your allies!
\ (e an Ally: The ability to be an ally to others!
"# .he Alliance *indset
Zie2ing others as potential allies is easier said than done! 1hen trying to influence
others, you are most likely to see things from your o2n perspecti"e and remain focused
on your o2n needs! And the more you care about an issue, the more focused on yourself
and your position you tend to become!
<et failing to see others as allies or partners is often a self/fulfilling prophecy! It
increases the likelihood that you 2ill act in 2ays that may actually heighten others=
resistance to your ideas!
Therefore, perhaps the most crucial building block of political sa""y is your mindset!
Leaders 2ho are effecti"e are able to "ie2 and treat the people around them as partners
or potential partners!
The good ne2s is that it is possible to shift from a mindset of seeing people 2ho resist
you as ad"ersaries to a mindset of seeing them as potential allies!
.he Rules of Alliance
There are four basic rules for interacting 2ith people as your allies:
-! Assume that mutual respect eBists!
+! Trust the other person, and be someone 2hom he or she can trust!
4! (e openP share information!
.! Look for mutual benefits!
0ule -: Assume that $utual 0espect 'Bists
Some people 2ill lose your respect by repeatedly taking actions that are boldlyself/
ser"ing or unethical! (ut these people are usually the eBception, not the rule! $ore
often, you 2ill lose respect for others because of misunderstandings!
$ost people are trying to do the "ery best that they can in any gi"en situation! (y
getting better at understanding other people=s points of "ie2, you 2ill ha"e a better
chance of seeing 2hat moti"ates them and the conteBt in 2hich they act!
0ule - simply challenges you to let yourself be surprised: to start o"er, suspend your
?udgment, and assume that respect eBists bet2een you! 1hile it may sound idealistic,
consider the alternati"e: 2hen you assume a position of no respect, barriers go up and
options shut do2n!
0ule +: Trust the Ather #erson and (e Someone 1hom @e or She Can Trust
Trusting others means taking a risk and letting your guard do2n in the hope that
something more positi"e can emerge! Although sometimes it may not be 2orth the risk,
not taking that risk "irtually assures that distrust 2ill mount!
In addition to trusting others, being someone 2hom others can trust is one of the most
po2erful 2ays to turn around a troubled relationship! This, too, in"ol"es a Mcalculated
leap of faithN / a 2illingness to take the first step in building or rebuilding a relationship!
It is this kind of risk/taking that is the hallmark of a person 2orking out of the Leader
paradigm, someone 2ho breeds commitment and trust by being committed and
0ule 4: (e ApenP Share Information
Like the other rules of alliance, this can be a difficult rule to put into practice! $any of us
belie"e that Mkno2ledge is po2er!N <et po2er does not necessarily e:uate 2ith influence!
<ou can ha"e a lot of po2er by hoarding information, but you may not be trusted or
Ask yourself: 1ould you rather be po2erful or effecti"e3 The traditionally po2erful
leader might Mkno2 it all,N but the person 2orking out of the Leader paradigm 2ho is
open and 2ho shares information is more likely to get things done in the long run
because of the trust and commitment that he or she builds!
#ush past your comfort Gone and share more information than you think that you can!
See 2hat happens!
0ule .: Look for $utual (enefits
<ou can look for mutual benefits by asking :uestions and trying to understand the other
person=s frame of reference! >nfortunately, in typical organiGational life, this type of
con"ersation doesn=t happen as a matter of course! 1e often fail to take the time to find
out about another person=s interests, or 2e fail to imagine that 2e might ha"e interests
(ut these are the prere:uisites for finding solutions that are of mutual benefit: taking
time to find out about the other person=s interests and looking for common interests!
0emember the ad"ice MIn:uiry before ad"ocacyN! $ake sure you take time to listen
before you start selling your o2n ideas! <ou may find a lot of common ground on 2hich
Looking for mutual benefit is one of the best 2ays in 2hich to become someone=s ally,
and to allo2 them to become yours!
,# &nderstanding @our (otential Allies
Qi"en the premise that 2e 2ill be more effecti"e 2ith a mindset that others are our
allies, 2e need to become smarter about 2ho those allies are and 2hat they care about!
Another 2ay of looking at the process of understanding your allies is simply this: <ou
2ant to make it as easy as possible for them to say M<esN to you! This re:uires ans2ers
to three :uestions:
\ 1ho are they3
\ 1hat are their concerns, interests, and moti"ations3
\ @o2 does my idea relate to their concerns3
&irst Ruestion: 1ho Are <our Allies3
If you are trying to get an idea accepted, your allies might include people:
\ 1ho 2ill or might be affected by your idea!
\ 1hose cooperation or resources you need to implement your idea!
\ 1ho could benefit and those 2ho could lose!
\ 1ho could block the idea!
\ 1ho could help get it accepted!
Allies include not only ob"ious supporters, but also those 2hose support you 2ill
need but may not ha"e from the outset!
Second Ruestion: 1hat Are <our Allies= Concerns, Interests, and $oti"ations3
;no2ing 2ho your potential allies are is the first step in understanding them! <our neBt
challenge is to figure out ho2 to influence them! Ane of the best 2ays to influence
others is to understand their 2orld: their pressures, concerns, and perspecti"es!
A good eBample of this, on a broad scale, is the need to understand cultural differences
2ithin your community! Cultural differences reflect internal beliefs and thought patterns
that can cause people to react differently to the same situation!
The same may be true of other special groups / 2hether defined by age, gender,
language differences, special needs, or other characteristics! Their o2n concerns and
interests may color ho2 they interact 2ith you!
To a large eBtent, the misunderstandings that occur in"ol"ing people from different
cultures or special interest groups ha"e nothing to do 2ith 2hat 2as said_it=s ho2 it 2as
said, 2hat the speaker did 2hile saying it, or e"en to 2hom it 2as said! Clearly,
understanding the special needs 2ithin your community 2ill enhance the strength of
your personal influence!
1hether dealing 2ith an indi"idual or 2ith a group, understanding your allies= interests
and moti"ations is a "ital component of political sa""y! It is also one of the most under/
practiced skills in organiGational life, and the place 2here the process of influence often
breaks do2n! 1e fre:uently become so intent on our o2n idea that 2e forget to present
it in a 2ay that makes it easier for the other person to accept it!
Third Ruestion: @o2 Does $y Idea 0elate to Their Concern3
&irst, you identified your potential allies in relation to your situation! )eBt, you focused
on t2o of them / the appro"er and an enabler / and tried to understand more about
2hat they care about! The third step is to relate your ideas to those of your allies and to
position your idea in a 2ay that makes it easy for these allies to say M<es!N
To complete this step, you need to answer two sets of Buestions-
\ In 2hat 2ays could my initiati"e support their priorities3 Are there 2ays in 2hich my
initiati"e might 2ork against that person=s ob?ecti"es3
\ @o2 could I modify either my idea or my presentation of it so that it 2ould be more
attracti"e to these people3
1e ha"e talked about the importance of ha"ing an alliance mindset and of
understanding your allies! The third building block for political sa""y is to be an ally!
-# 5eing an ally to others
(rinciple of Reciprocity
(eing an ally means in"oking the principle of reciprocity: As 2e do things for others in
organiGations, they become more likely to help us in return!
It is important to realiGe that this is )AT a Mscratch my back and I=ll scratch yoursN
approach! It is also not a tit/for/tat trade 2here, to get a specific idea through, you
promise something in return!
0ather, it means being a friend to others in the organiGation, because by helping others
you 2ill also be helping the organiGation and helping yourself!
;eep thinking of the metaphor of friendship: <ou are more 2illing to support a friend
2ho has been there for you than to support someone 2ho has ne"er sho2n any
particular kindness in the past! The same holds true for organiGations! (eing an ally
means creating a 2eb of good 2ill in 2hich others 2ill be, in turn, more inclined to help
you at a time 2hen you need it!
)aution- It will 'e too late to start 'eing an ally at the point when you need something
from someone else. People see right through this as manipulation.
(eing an ally means taking a day/in and day/out stance of helpfulness, 2hether you
need something today / or e"er / from that person
An the other hand, this principle of reciprocity could sound like a plea ?ust to be a nice
person! And 2hile that=s true, the politically astute people ha"e disco"ered that treating
others 2ell also turns out to be smart business!
These 2ords best sum up the idea of being an ally:
(ecome the change you 2ish to see in the 2orld! D$ahatma QhandiE
De6eloping a >WinNWin? Solution
@a"e you e"er 2atched a cat negotiate 2ith a mouse3 The cat may allo2 the mouse
some latitude in its actions, but al2ays 2ithin the boundaries determined by the cat!
Ance in a 2hile, the mouse 2ill find a crack in the porch steps through 2hich it escapes
to achie"e its goals!
In negotiations, do you feel like the cat or the mouse3 Is there another 2ay to
There are se"eral points to remember 2hen stri"ing for a M2in/2inN solution:
\ Define the conflict as a mutual problem!
(e certain that the identification of the conflict includes:
\ A clear definition or statement of the issue!
\ All of the information that is needed to sol"e the issue!
\ Internal and eBternal factors that affect the issue!
\ A blame/free en"ironment for describing the issue!
1hen people in"ol"ed can see the situation ob?ecti"ely, they can share in the
realiGation that e"eryone Mo2nsN the problem and the solution!
\ Apply acti"e listening skills to the communication process! Ask yourself:
1hat elements of the issues 2ill acti"e listening find that are important in
reaching a M2in/2inN solution3
These elements should include:
\ The emotions behind the issue!
\ 'Bternal pressure factors!
\ &ocus on the interests, rather than on positions! Sometimes, people enter
negotiations 2ith position statements rather than 2ith interest statements!
@our (ersonal Influence and (olitical Sa66y
-! Situational Influence
Identify a situation! Think about something that you 2ould like to make happen in your
professional situation De!g!, getting an idea adopted, instituting a change, implementing
a program or initiati"e, forging an alliance 2ith another organiGation or ?urisdiction, or
sol"ing a problemE!
+! 1ho are your potential allies in this situation3
\ 1ho might be affected by your idea Dthose 2ho could benefit, those 2ho could lose,
and others 2ho 2ould be affectedE:
\ 1hose cooperation andFor resources you need:
\ 1ho could block the idea:
\ 1ho could help get it accepted:
4! 1hat are your allies= concerns, interests, and moti"ations3
Select one person you identified in each of the ally categories! Describe 2hat you can
about their perspecti"e! If you don=t kno2, ho2 can you find out more3
\ The affected:
\ The needed:
\ The blockers:
\ The enablers:
.! Select the t2o potentially strongest allies from those you identified earlier, then
ans2er the follo2ing :uestions about each!
\ @o2 could your idea support their priorities3
\ @o2 could your idea 2ork against them3
\ @o2 could your idea 2ork against them3
3# .eam 5uilding
'ffecti"e leaders build a team en"ironment in 2hich members pool their resources and
rely on each other to achie"e common goals! As people combine their energies, the
cooperati"e action of the group creates a greater result than the indi"iduals could
accomplish 2orking separately! A leader promotes a team en"ironment by:
\ 'stablishing an en"ironment of trust!
\ Setting up systems and structures to re:uire team2ork!
\ 'ncouraging team communication to build team identity!
\ &ostering the e"olution of natural leadership abilities in group members!
\ 'stablishing team goals and team re2ards Di!e!, re2ard team effortE!
\ Celebrating group achie"ements, e"en those 2hich are minor!
5ruce .uckman+s "721 %orming Storming $orming (erforming
Dr (ruce Tuckman published his &orming Storming )orming #erforming model in -965!
@e added a fifth stage, Ad?ourning, in the -97,=s!
The &orming Storming )orming #erforming theory is an elegant and helpful eBplanation
of team de"elopment and beha"iour! Similarities can be seen 2ith other models, such as
Tannenbaum and Schmidt Continuum and especially 2ith @ersey and (lanchard=s
Situational Leadershipd model, de"eloped about the same time!
Tuckman=s model eBplains that as the team de"elops maturity and ability, relationships
establish, and the leader changes leadership style! (eginning 2ith a directing style,
mo"ing through coaching, then participating, finishing delegating and almost detached!
At this point the team may produce a successor leader and the pre"ious leader can mo"e
on to de"elop a ne2 team!
This progression of team beha"iour and leadership style can be seen clearly in the
Tannenbaum and Schmidt Continuum % the authority and freedom eBtended by the
leader to the team increases 2hile the control of the leader reduces!
In Tuckman=s &orming Storming )orming #erforming model, @ersey=s and (lanchard=s
Situational Leadershipd model and in Tannenbaum and Schmidt=s Continuum, 2e see
the same effect, represented in three 2ays!
.uckman+s %orming Storming $orming (erforming *odel P )riginal *odel
The progression is: &orming / storming / norming / performing
%eatures of each phase:
forming P stage "
@igh dependence on leader for guidance and direction! Little agreement on team aims
other than recei"ed from leader! Indi"idual roles and responsibilities are unclear! Leader
must be prepared to ans2er lots of :uestions about the team=s purpose, ob?ecti"es and
eBternal relationships! #rocesses are often ignored! $embers test tolerance of system
and leader! Leader directs Dsimilar to Situational Leadershipd WTelling= modeE!
storming P stage ,
Decisions don=t come easily 2ithin group! Team members "ie for position as they
attempt to establish themsel"es in relation to other team members and the leader, 2ho
might recei"e challenges from team members! Clarity of purpose increases but plenty of
uncertainties persist! Cli:ues and factions form and there may be po2er struggles! The
team needs to be focused on its goals to a"oid becoming distracted by relationships and
emotional issues! Compromises may be re:uired to enable progress! Leader coaches
Dsimilar to Situational Leadershipd WSelling= modeE!
norming P stage -
Agreement and consensus is largely forms among team, 2ho respond 2ell to facilitation
by leader! 0oles and responsibilities are clear and accepted! (ig decisions are made by
group agreement! Smaller decisions may be delegated to indi"iduals or small teams
2ithin group! Commitment and unity is strong! The team may engage in fun and social
acti"ities! The team discusses and de"elops its processes and 2orking style! There is
general respect for the leader and some of leadership is more shared by the team!
Leader facilitates and enables Dsimilar to the Situational Leadershipd W#articipating=
performing P stage /
The team is more strategically a2areP the team kno2s clearly 2hy it is doing 2hat it is
doing! The team has a shared "ision and is able to stand on its o2n feet 2ith no
interference or participation from the leader! There is a focus on o"er/achie"ing goals,
and the team makes most of the decisions against criteria agreed 2ith the leader! The
team has a high degree of autonomy! Disagreements occur but no2 they are resol"ed
2ithin the team positi"ely and necessary changes to processes and structure are made
by the team! The team is able to 2ork to2ards achie"ing the goal, and also to attend to
relationship, style and process issues along the 2ay! team members look after each
other! The team re:uires delegated tasks and pro?ects from the leader! The team does
not need to be instructed or assisted! Team members might ask for assistance from the
leader 2ith personal and interpersonal de"elopment! Leader delegates and o"ersees
Dsimilar to the Situational Leadershipd WDelegating= modeE!
.uckman+s fifth stage P AdDourning
(ruce Tuckman refined his theory around -975 and added a fifth stage to the &orming
Storming )orming #erforming model % he called it Ad?ourning, 2hich is also referred to
as Deforming and $ourning! Ad?ourning is arguably more of an ad?unct to the original
four stage model rather than an eBtension % it "ie2s the group from a perspecti"e
beyond the purpose of the first four stages! The Ad?ourning phase is certainly "ery
rele"ant to the people in the group and their 2ell/being, but not to the main task of
managing and de"eloping a team, 2hich is clearly central to the original four stages!
adDourning P stage 1
Tuckman=s fifth stage, Ad?ourning, is the break/up of the group, hopefully 2hen the task
is completed successfully, its purpose fulfilledP e"eryone can mo"e on to ne2 things,
feeling good about 2hat=s been achie"ed! &rom an organiGational perspecti"e,
recognition of and sensiti"ity to people=s "ulnerabilities in Tuckman=s fifth stage is
helpful, particularly if members of the group ha"e been closely bonded and feel a sense
of insecurity or threat from this change! &eelings of insecurity 2ould be natural for
people 2ith high =steadiness= attributes Das regards the Wfour temperaments= or DISC
modelE and 2ith strong routine and empathy style Das regards the (enGiger thinking
styles model, right and left basal brain dominanceE!
:ersey+s and 5lanchard+s Situational LeadershipQ model
The Classic Situational Leadershipd model of management and leadership style also
illustrates the ideal de"elopment of a team from immaturity Dstage -E through to
maturity Dstage .E during 2hich management an leadership style progressi"ely de"elops
from relati"ely detached task/directing D-E, through the more managerially/in"ol"ed
stages of eBplanation D+E and participation D4E, to the final stage of relati"ely detached
delegation D.E, at 2hich time ideally the team is largely self/managing, and hopefully
contains at least one potential management F leadership successor!
:ersey+s and 5lanchard+s Situational LeadershipQ model
The aim of the leader or manager is
therefore to de"elop the team through
the four stages, and then to mo"e on
to another role!
Ironically this outcome is feared by
many managers! @o2e"er, good
organisations place an eBtremely high
"alue on leaders and managers 2ho
can achie"e this!
The model also illustrates four main
leadership and management styles,
2hich a good leader is able to s2itch
bet2een, depending on the situation
Di!e!, the team=s maturity relating to a
particular task, pro?ect or challenge!E
.annenbaum and Schmidt Continuum
The Tannenbaum and Schmidt Continuum also correlates in a 2ay to the models abo"e %
essentially that management style tends to offer more freedom as the group matures!
The diagonal line loosely e:uates to the dotted line on the other t2o models! As the
team matures and becomes more self/sufficient and self/directing, so the manager=s
style should react accordingly, ideally becoming more detached, more delegating,
encouraging and enabling the group to run itself, and for a successor Dor if you are a
good manager or a lucky one, for more than one successorE to emerge!
Leadership Competency / @0!ToolboB!com
Do 2hat you do best, and gi"e a2ay the rest to someone else! An effecti"e leader
delegates broad responsibilities to team members and eBpects them to handle the
details! Delegating responsibilities to capable personnel has many ad"antages! It
distributes the 2orkload, results in higher efficiency and increased moti"ation, and
de"elops the skills of the 2orkforce! #eople learn more by doing than by any other
means! Delegation pro"ides opportunities for people to de"elop leadership skills!
'ffecti"e delegation in"ol"es:
\ Identifying an appropriate person for the task!
\ #reparing the person by clearly stating desired outcomes 2hile encouraging risk/
taking and inno"ation!
\ 'nsuring that the person has the necessary authority to do the ?ob properly!
\ @olding the person accountable for agreed/upon outcomes!
\ $aintaining enough contact for support and monitoring of progress 2ithout
\ Ackno2ledging success and gi"ing credit 2here it is due
Do you struggle to keep up 2ith all the tasks and key ?obs you are in charge of3 <ou are
not alone! Letting go, or delegating, is not something that comes easily to most small
business o2ners! @o2e"er, as your business gro2s and you get pulled in different
directions, it is important for you to delegate or else risk falling behind your goals!
Learning 2hat to delegate and ho2 to delegate successfully can make it a 2in/2in
situation for both you and the employee picking up the 2orkload!
There are many reasons to learn to delegate! A primary moti"e is to decrease routine
tasks to allo2 you to focus on other aspects of your business! Qetting out from under
some of the day to day items creates time for you to plan and eBecute business goals
that impro"e customer ser"ice, gro2 your client base, and manage operations more
effecti"ely! It might e"en make taking time off for yourself and your family a reality!
Delegation is a good 2ay to pro"ide career gro2th for your staff and de"elop more depth
in your super"isor ranks! @a"ing bench strength in routine operations protects against
some of the risks associated 2ith your business being dependent on you! Imagine the
peace of mind you can ha"e kno2ing your business 2ill continue e"en if you are
temporarily unable to run it yourself!
Delegating allo2s you to tap into ne2 resources and accomplish tasks that you put on
the back burner because there=s ne"er enough time to get them done_e"en though they
might be critical to the success of the business! <ou might e"en find you net better
results than if you manage the company on you o2n!
Delegating not only helps you get things done, but also moti"ates your employees!
'ntrusting employees to help sho2s you ha"e the confidence in their abilities and
?udgment to get the ?ob done! It also encourages employees to de"elop and eBpand
their skills and meet challenges! 0esearch sho2s that employees are moti"ated by
feeling capable and competent and most employees thri"e in 2ork en"ironments that
pro"ide challenges! Ance employees feel you trust their skills and abilities, they 2ill be
more inclined to take initiati"e and sol"e problems on their o2n!
So 2hy don=t you delegate3 It=s not ?ust not kno2ing 2here to begin or 2hat to delegate
% gi"ing up control is hard! There are so many reasons to postpone taking action:
It takes too much time and energy to eBplain 2hat needs to get done and its
better to ?ust do it yourself!
)o one can do it as effecti"ely as you can!
The last time you tried ha"ing someone help it 2as a disaster!
<ou don=t ha"e the confidence in your staff to take o"er the 2ork!
'mployees might do it better than you can and you might appear less
(ut at some point you should realiGe that you can=t continue to do it all or you 2ill get
diminished returns for your business! There are probably many tasks you are happy to
get off your desk, but 2hich ones should you pass onto others3
Start by thinking about the ?obs that are routine T repetiti"e!
Consider tasks that are time/intensi"e and keep you from other higher "alue
Look for tasks that you do only because nobody else has been trained on ho2 to!
Think of tasks that still ha"e to happen e"en if you had to be a2ay from the
company for an eBtended duration!
Ane of the most important decisions is 2ho to choose to take on some of your 2ork! It=s
natural to gi"e tasks to a fe2 key employees that you rely on most! This can e"entually
create morale issues and frustrate your other employees 2ho feel they are not being
gi"en a chance to pro"e themsel"es! @ere are a fe2 factors to consider 2hen
determining 2ho to delegate to:
Ask your employees about their kno2ledge, skills and abilities that they might not
ha"e needed or used in their current role!
Don=t o"erload one or t2o people or your risk ha"ing the potential benefits to the
Look for an ambitious employee 2ho sho2s initiati"e!
To impro"e the likelihood of success, do not start delegating during a crunch situation!
<ou probably 2on=t ha"e enough time to train or pro"ide ade:uate support for the
person taking on the ne2 task! &or ?unior employees, begin by delegating pro?ects or
tasks that can be segmented into parts each 2ith clear ob?ecti"es and deadlines!
In order to build confidence and trust in your employees, ho2 you go about delegating
assignments is ?ust as important as to 2hom! To ensure you get the results you 2ant
from delegating, there are se"eral steps to follo2!
-! (repare: Determine 2hich assignments to delegate and 2ho 2ill take them o"er
Dthis may be more than one personE!
+! Define the task to be completed: Qi"e clear instructions and then ask the
employee to eBplain 2hat it is you asked him or her to do so you kno2 if they
clearly understood the instructions!
4! ;i6e clear deadlines for hen the taskKsM must be completed: 'nsure that
the deadlines are realistic and that you do not create a situation 2here the
employee is unable to succeed!
.! Determine ho much authority the employee ill ha6e to carry out the
assignment: Qi"e clear instructions on ho2 much decision making po2er the
employee has to mo"e to the neBt steps and 2hen they need to come to you for
decisions or help!
5! Determine hen you ill meet ith the employee to re6ie the progress
and pro6ide any guidance, if needed: Schedule regular meetings to discuss
the status of the assignment! (e fleBible and pro"ide guidance 2ithout being
?udgmental to impro"e success of the assignment!
6! Conduct a debriefing session to discuss all aspects of the delegation
process: This allo2s the employee and you to look at 2hat 2ent 2ell, 2hat can
be impro"ed, 2hat skills need to be honed so the neBt assignment 2ill go e"en
Ance the task is accomplished, and you ha"e conducted your debriefing, it is important
to recogniGe the employee for doing a good ?ob! 0ecognition can come in many 2ays
such as through a ne2sletter, at a staff meeting, or monetarily like a gift certificate or
small bonus if applicable! 0ecognition 2ill "ary depending on the culture of your
business and 2hat is important or appropriate for the employee % the key is recognition
for a ?ob 2ell done!
&ollo2ing the steps outlined abo"e is important to successfully delegate but it can only
be effecti"e if you are committed to seeing it through and the lines of communication
remain open! <ou need to anticipate mistakes 2ill happen, but if you follo2 a set
procedure for keeping abreast of the progress your employees are making 2ith their ne2
tasks, this 2ill be minimal! As difficult as it is to let go and gi"e up control, you 2ill feel
a sense of relief and satisfaction once you begin to let others handle certain aspects of
your ?ob! <our employees 2ill be able to gro2, along 2ith you and your business!
So You Think You Can Do It All? - Prepared for the PHCC Educational Foundation by TPO, Inc.
This content was developed for the PHCC Educational Foundation by TPO, Inc. (www.tpoinc.co!". Please
consult your H# professional or attorney for further advice, as laws !ay differ in each state. $aws continue to
evolve% the infor!ation presented is as of February &'((. )ny o!ission or inclusion of incorrect data is
The PHCC Educational Foundation, a partnership of contractors, !anufacturers and wholesalers was founded
in (*+, to serve the plu!bin-heatin-coolin- industry by preparin- contractors and their e!ployees to !eet
the challen-es of a constantly chan-in- !ar.etplace.
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7# 'motional Intelligence
"# What is 'motional Intelligence=
The concepts of 'motional Intelligence are not ne2, 2ith research going back to the
early part of the +,th century! The term M'motional IntelligenceN 2as introduced by
Salo"ey and $ayer in -99,! (ut it 2as Daniel Qoleman, a @ar"ard/trained psychologist
and 2riter 2ho really brought 'R into the mainstream! @e 2rote about 'R in The )e2
<ork Times and his -995 book 'motional Intelligence! (ut it 2as his -998 article in
@ar"ard (usiness 0e"ie24 that sparked great interest in the business community!
'R is about ho2 2e manage our emotions in "arious situations in"ol"ing self and others!
It starts 2ith an a2areness of our o2n emotions and then our ability to manage our
responses to those emotions! It is also about learning to recogniGe the emotions of
others and respond by relating appropriate to the needs of the person and
'ach of the four dominant emotions DAnger, Sadness, Coy and &earE has the potential for
a proacti"e Dpositi"eE response and a reacti"e Dnegati"eE response! Those 2ith high 'R
ha"e learned to slo2 do2n their responses sufficiently to make proacti"e, rational based
choices that are likely to bring positi"e outcomes! &inally, 2hen a person o"eruses or
o"ereBtends proacti"e strengths, he or she may be una2are of the negati"e impact on
others! Thus the central theme of 'R is to gain a2areness and respond appropriately! It
sounds easy but it=s a challenge for all of us! The good ne2s is that unlike IR 2hich is
fairly fiBed for each indi"idual, 'R is about choices and can be raised through a2areness
and learned beha"iors!
@o2 do 2e percei"e, control and e"aluate emotions3
Three areas of the brain are responsible for rapidly generating emotional impulses as a
result of eBternal stimulation or internal dialogue! These chambers or sections are
located at the lo2er part of the central section of the brain in 2hat some refer to as the
limbic system! These chambers are the thalamus, 2hich connects bodily sensation to
neurochemical reactionsP the amygdala, 2hich seems to be responsible for the rapid
appraisal of threat and dangerP and the hippocampus, 2hich helps to encode emotional
memories! 'ach of these chambers has t2o hemispheres 2hich allo2 for e"en further
specialiGation in processing emotions!
1hen these areas are triggered, impulses are translated into feelings, and feelings are
cogniti"ely interpreted and e"aluated in the rational center of the brain called the
neocorteB! It is at this point Dall of this is happening at a "ery rapid rateE 2e decide ho2
2e are going to respond to the initial stimulus! 0esearch has sho2n that the more
de"eloped our appraisal and e"aluati"e capabilities are, the less 2e are prone to respond
to an emotional stimulation in a reacti"e or negati"e fashion!
)o2 let=s bring all that scientific talk do2n to an e"eryday eBample! Consider a typical
eBternal stimulation that might come to you as you are dri"ing to 2ork! A reckless
speeder suddenly crosses three lanes of traffic and ?ust misses you as he cuts in to make
the neBt eBit! <our amygdala recei"es this information and appraises it as a se"ere
threatFdanger! (ased on your o2n natural 2iring and your past eBperience your
hippocampus may remember that the knee/?erk reaction to such threats is eBtreme
Anger Dadrenaline for fight or flightE! <our impulse at this stage may be to ha"e 2hat
some ha"e termed and Mamygdala hi?ackN % your animal instincts take o"er and hostility
Dreacti"e beha"ior of AngerE pre"ails! <our initial response may be to blo2 your horn,
scream, gi"e a hand gesture, or possibly you may find yourself 2anting to Mram the
(ut since you are a rational person, you allo2 a split second for your neocorteB to
process this information and decide ?ust to let the fool go on his 2ay and be thankful
that he didn=t cause an accident! In this case, you assert discipline o"er yourself
Dhippocampus memory says slo2 do2nE to enable reason DneocorteB brings a rational
perspecti"eE to o"erride a potential negati"e reaction beha"ior! The old saying Mbetter
think t2ice before you do something you=ll regretN pro"ides a practical eBample of the
self/management associated 2ith 'R! Af course much of our self/management comes
from learned beha"ior! It=s "ery possible that your ability to respond 2ith high 'R to the
traffic situation abo"e may be related to a time in the past 2hen you operated a "ehicle
in foolish manner or perhaps ?ust a good understanding of the dangers of road rage!
0esearch on negati"e leadership beha"iors offer compelling eBamples of ho2
emotionally/based reacti"e beha"iors lead to eBecuti"e derailment and 2hat one could
logically term lo2 'R! &or eBample, an eBecuti"e 2ho percei"es a threat 2hen someone
disagrees 2ith his logic and then reacts 2ith hostility soon cuts himself off from any
reality feedback or Mbad ne2s!N D<ou="e probably heard the ?oke about the gra"eyard
outside the boss=s office 2here they bury the messengers 2ho bring bad ne2s!E
Derailment can also occur 2hen a pro/acti"e beha"ior response is o"erdone because it
e"entually leads to negati"e results! &or eBample, asserti"eness D#roacti"e beha"ior of
angerE can pro"ide energy and focus to get things done! @o2e"er, 2hen o"erdone, it
can become controlling e"en 2ithout being hostile! Like2ise, the pro/acti"e beha"ior of
Discernment can be po2erful but 2hen o"erdone leads to Mparalysis by analysis!N
The first step in understanding emotions is to accurately percei"e them! In many cases,
this might in"ol"e understanding non"erbal signals such as body language and facial
0easoning 1ith 'motions:
The neBt step in"ol"es using emotions to promote thinking and cogniti"e acti"ity!
'motions help prioritiGe 2hat 2e pay attention and react toP 2e respond emotionally to
things that garner our attention!
The emotions that 2e percei"e can carry a 2ide "ariety of meanings! If someone is
eBpressing angry emotions, the obser"er must interpret the cause of their anger and
2hat it might mean! &or eBample, if your boss is acting angry, it might mean that he is
dissatisfied 2ith your 2orkP or it could be because he got a speeding ticket on his 2ay to
2ork that morning or that heJs been fighting 2ith his 2ife!
The ability to manage emotions effecti"ely is a key part of emotional intelligence!
0egulating emotions, responding appropriately and responding to the emotions of others
are all important aspect of emotional management!
According to Salo"ey and $ayer, the four branches of their model are, Iarranged from
more basic psychological processes to higher, more psychologically integrated processes!
&or eBample, the lo2est le"el branch concerns the Drelati"elyE simple abilities of
percei"ing and eBpressing emotion! In contrast, the highest le"el branch concerns the
conscious, reflecti"e regulation of emotionI D-997E!
,# So, What is 'motional Intelligence to me=
'motional Intelligence is a concept focused on ho2 effecti"ely people 2ork 2ith others!
These 'motional Intelligence skills are uni:ue from a person=s technical skills and
cogniti"e abilities! $ultiple studies ha"e sho2n that 'motional Intelligence competencies
often account for the difference bet2een star performers and a"erage performers,
particularly in positions of leadership!
In recent years, interest in 'motional Intelligence D'RE has gro2n as research has sho2n
its impact on a "ariety of business measures! These include recruiting and ?ob selection,
sales results and leadership performance!
-# :o to effecti6ely ork ith others
The key premise of 'motional Intelligence is that 'R skills relate to ho2 effecti"ely
people 2ork 2ith others, specifically around:
U Social A2areness
U 0elationship $anagement
Self/A2areness means ha"ing a clear understanding of one=s emotions, strengths,
2eaknesses, dri"es and capabilities! An the surface there=s really nothing ne2 about this
concept % it=s been touted for thousands of years! (ut it=s a critical skill and it=s
o"erlooked by many people!
It=s so important because people 2ith a high degree of self/a2areness recogniGe ho2
their feelings and "alues affect them, and this relates to ho2 they interact 2ith others!
They tend to be "ery thoughtful in the sense that they take time to think about the
things that are important to them, and ho2 their 2ork and li"es relate to these things!
This self reflection helps them to be a2are of both their limitations and strengths, and
they=re candid about this!
Qoleman says that Self/$anagement frees us from being prisoners to our emotions!
1ithout understanding 2hat 2e=re feeling, 2e can=t control our feelings and this lea"es
us at the mercy of our emotions! This is okay 2hen it comes to positi"e emotions like
enthusiasm or success, but it=s a problem if 2e=re controlled by negati"e emotions like
frustration or anBiety!
#eople 2ith this mastery are usually optimistic, upbeat and enthusiastic! This is
particularly important in the 2orkplace because emotions are literally contagious!
-M Social Aareness
The third component of Qoleman=s 'R model, Social A2areness, is mostly about
empathy! It=s the ability to read another person=s facial eBpressions, "oice and non/
"erbal signals in order to understand that person=s emotions! This is especially important
for leaders because by staying attuned to ho2 people are feeling, they can say and do
2hat is most appropriate!
&or eBample, they can try to calm people=s fears, lessen anger, or in a more positi"e
eBample ha"e a good time at the office party!
/M Relationship *anagement
0elationship $anagement is 2here these three skills all come together! This is the most
"isible aspect of a person, and in particular leaders! This is 2here you see skills like
conflict management, team building, and influencing others!
Leaders 2ith good skills in the first three areas of 'R 2ill usually be effecti"e at
managing relationships because they=re attuned to their o2n emotions and this means
that they=ll approach relationships from a position of authenticity!
It=s not ?ust being friendly, but it=s 2hat Qoleman calls Mfriendliness 2ith a purposeN:
moti"ating people in the direction you desire! These people are "ery good at de"eloping
net2orks, not necessarily because they=re highly sociable, but rather because they
understand that nothing gets done alone and they=re skilled at being able to 2ork 2ith
These 'R skills are uni:ue from a person=s technical skills and cogniti"e abilities!
According to Qoleman=s research: 9,e of the difference bet2een star performers and
a"erage performers 2as attributable to 'R competencies! This and other research sho2
that 'R skills are directly linked to critical business measures and indi"idual success,
more so than traditional measures such as IR! It=s not that IR and traditional factors are
not important! Clearly they are!
(ut IR and "arious ?ob/specific skills are essentially entry re:uirements, particularly in
leadership and managerial positions!
/# Can 'motional Intelligence 5e Learned=
Ane :uestion that often comes up is 2hether people are born 2ith high 'R, or 2hether it
can be learned! 1e all kno2 people 2ho seem to be naturally gifted in ho2 2ell they
2ork 2ith others! They intuiti"ely understand ho2 to put people at ease and, if they=re
leaders, ho2 to moti"ate their people and keep them acti"ely engaged in their 2ork!
The truth is that some people 2ill be more naturally gifted than others, but the good
ne2s is that 'R skills can be learned! There=s been some clear research on this, and our
o2n research at T0ACA$ has sho2n good e"idence that people can learn ho2 to interact
more effecti"ely at 2ork! (ut in order for this to happen people ha"e to be personally
moti"ated, and they need to practice 2hat they learn back on the ?ob and get
reinforcement for their ne2 skills!
$ost of us can think of people 2ho seem to ha"e a natural ability to 2ork 2ell 2ith
So 2hile 'R may be an important talent, is it something that can be de"eloped or is it
something a person is born 2ith3
0esearch is a"ailable that clearly sho2s 'R can be learned! Dr! &abio Sala of The @ay
Qroup found that 2orkshop inter"entions are effecti"e at impro"ing 'R! A study at
Case 1estern >ni"ersity found that 'R training not only impro"es performance, but such
gains are retained o"er many years!
So the good ne2s for business is that 2hile there may be a genetic pre/disposition
to2ards 'motional Intelligence, these skills can be de"eloped and they tend to be
retained for the long/term! There is certainly a need for practice and reinforcement to
build these skills! And finally, 'R skills 2on=t be impro"ed 2ithout a sincere desire to do
1# 'A and Leadership
1hile 'R is rele"ant in almost any 2ork situation 2here people 2ork collaborati"ely, the
use of 'R to impro"e leadership and managerial performance is of great interest to the
@0 community! And the current challenging economy has e"eryone trying to achie"e
more producti"ity 2ith fe2er resources!
0esearch indicates that effecti"e leaders can impro"e the performance of their
organiGations! Certainly different situations necessitate different leadership techni:ues!
And in practice a leader 2ith good 'R skills is able to assess a situation and determine
an appropriate response! 1ithout 'R, a person 2ith high IR, great eBperience and good
ideas 2ill not become a great leader!
And the higher a leader ad"ances, the more important 'motional Intelligence becomes!
(ut the potential for 'R problems also rises 2ith more senior eBecuti"es! 0esearch
conducted by &abio Sala sho2ed that higher le"el eBecuti"es consistently rated
themsel"es higher on 'R competencies than did their lo2er/le"el colleagues! They ha"e
an inflated "ie2 of their 'R!
Sala suggested that the rating difference may be related to a lack of ob?ecti"e
information about their o2n skills, saying that senior eBecuti"es typically ha"e fe2er
opportunities for feedback because of their position and that people are often less
inclined to gi"e constructi"e feedback to people in positions senior to themsel"es!
2# Issues ith putting 'A into (ractice
Ane criticism of 'motional Intelligence that 2e often hear is that it sounds good in
theory but it=s difficult to put into practice! And some of the proponents of 'R don=t seem
to do a "ery good ?ob of eBamining 2hat it looks like in the day/to/day 2orkplace, or
ho2 it can be practiced and enhanced!
Ane of the real issues here is that 'motional Intelligence tends to be some2hat generic
in its focus! It assumes that all people can display these skills in more or less the same
2ays! Qoleman and his colleagues are clear that not all effecti"e leaders possess all 'R
skills, and that much of the "alue of 'R is situational % certain situations 2ill call for
some 'R skills more than others!
1hat=s often o"erlooked, though, is that there=s another dimension of beha"ior that
influences ho2 people act and also ho2 they interpret the beha"ior of others!
At T0ACA$ 2e="e been researching these beha"ioral Styles for nearly 5, years and
2e="e found that each Style is predictably different in ho2 they like to get 2ork done,
communicate, make decisions, and use time!
T0ACA$=s SACIAL ST<L' is recogniGed as the premier model for interpersonal beha"ior!
It identifies four uni:ue Styles of beha"ior: Dri"ing, 'Bpressi"e, Amiable and Analytical!
#eople of each Style ha"e preferred 2ays of using their time, making decisions and
interacting 2ith others!
'"ery person has their o2n comfort Gone based on their SACIAL ST<L' and 2hen 2e
interact 2ith others, those preferences can conflict 2ith each other!
So e"en though a person might learn about 'R and practice those skills, others 2ill
al2ays percei"e this beha"ior 2ithin the frame2ork of that person=s SACIAL ST<L'!
Consider this eBample of ho2 t2o different Style people may beha"e! Dri"ing Style
people ha"e a need for results and they try to achie"e their need by taking action! They
tend to be "ery fast paced and impatient! Amiable Style people, on the other hand, ha"e
a need for maintaining personal security in their relationships! They place a high "alue
on maintaining friendly and harmonious relationships 2ith their co/2orkers, and they
tend to be slo2er paced and more patient than Dri"ing Style people!
1hen it comes to displaying 'R skills like optimism and adaptability, t2o of the
competencies of Self/$anagement, these t2o Styles 2ill beha"e differently! Dri"ing
Style indi"iduals usually don=t sho2 optimism through eBciting speeches or a cheerful
presence! Instead, their optimism comes across as confidence that things 2ill turn out
alright, and that positi"e outcomes 2ill happen through taking a course of action!
They=re going to sho2 their enthusiasm by acti"ely 2orking on problems and sho2ing
self confidence that they and the team 2ill succeed!
In terms of adaptability, many Dri"ing Style people tend to see change as a challenge
that should be met head on! Instead of ruminating on all of the problems that the
change is going to cause, a Dri"ing Style person 2ith a high le"el of adaptability 2ill
focus on ho2 to influence the change and make it a benefit instead of a detriment! These
people are so action/oriented that they may actually be faster to respond to change than
is comfortable for people of other Styles!
Contrast this to the Amiable Style person! 1hen they=re feeling hopeful and ptimistic
about things, they=ll be out2ardly cheerful to2ards co2orkers and sho2 a lot of energy
around 2ork acti"ities! They=ll be "ery talkati"e and upbeat in 2hat they say, and this
can ha"e a big impact on 2orkgroups because, as 2e pointed out earlier, emotions are
contagious! These are the types of people 2ho are "ery skilled at rallying the troops to a
cause through their enthusiasm and optimism! 1hen confronted 2ith a dramatic change,
these people=s personal adaptability 2ill often sho2 itself in terms of ho2 the change 2ill
impact the group! They=ll be "ery focused on trying to ensure that there=s benefit for the
team, so their adaptability in this regard is often focused on achie"ing benefits for the
people 2ho 2ork for them, or ensuring that the change 2on=t negati"ely affect the
cohesion of the 2ork group!
The key point of this eBample is that ?ust as self a2areness is important for de"eloping
'motional Intelligence, it=s also critical to understand your o2n natural Style of beha"ior
and not try to force fit 'R beha"ior into your o2n repertoire in an unnatural 2ay! Any of
the 'R skills can be applied, but they are most effecti"e 2hen applied in 2ays that are
most natural for your Social Style! Trying to act in 2ays that aren=t comfortable for your
Style 2ill usually come across to others as contri"ed or insincere!
3# (utting 'A to ork
"# %irst .hings %irst: 9no .hyself
(efore 2e can think about others, 2e sometimes need to first think about our o2n
U 1hat is your greatest strength3 This is 2hat you should emphasiGeS
U Think of se"eral 2ays in 2hich you can emphasiGe your strength!
-! &or eBample, my strength is empathy!
aE I can emphasiGe that by listening more effecti"ely!
U Is there anything you can do to easily impro"e an interaction 2ith someone3
-! Do I ha"e time to gi"e this person the proper attention3
+! Am I gi"ing this person my full attention3
4! Am I letting my o2n issues affect this interaction3
.! Do I understand the message this person is trying to con"ey3
,# Are you listening=
Adults are usually distracted by other things 2hile they listen, and therefore, hear at
about +5e efficiency!
U 0ather than al2ays try to listen 2hen someone is speaking, sometimes it is necessary,
and e"en helpful, to ask the speaker to come back at a later time 2hen 2e can be
U It has been found that multi/tasking does not really 2ork, so if someone is talking to
you, put your phone do2n, turn a2ay from your computer monitor, and ?ust listen!
U Listening is about more than being able to repeat 2hat someone ?ust said! It in"ol"es
hearing the 2ords, interpreting the entire message of the speaker, and gi"ing helpful
comments or feedback in return!
U Sometimes the 2ords do not con"ey the 2hole message! Qood listeners are often
analyGing 2hat the speaker is trying to get across, 2hy the speaker is sharing the
information 2ith us, and 2hat type of feedback may be desired in return!
Conflict 0esolution and )egotiation
U 1hen tempers flare, and frustration le"els are high, acti"e listening can ha"e a calming
U If someone is angry or frustrated and not calming do2n, it could be partially because
he or she does not feel like anyone is paying attention!
U The &(I=s Critical Incident 0esponse Qroup DCI0QE has de"eloped a negotiation
techni:ue for situations such as hostage negotiations! The main steps that are
recommended are minimal encouragements, paraphrasing, emotion labeling, open/
ended :uestions, and WI= statements! Cust as important, ho2e"er, is a 2ell/placed
break in con"ersation
Acti"e Listening Techni:ues
-! Let the speaker kno2 that you are listening 2ith 2ell/timed and short replies, e!g! I
see, or yes, or tell me more, or e"en by nodding! Dminimal encouragementsE
+! #araphrase speaker=s messages to make sure you are understanding, and also to
sho2 an effort to understand!
4! Identify the emotion the speaker is feeling! &or eBample, if the speaker is "ery angry
and ranting, the listener can say, Wit sounds like you are really hurt=, or Wthat makes you
really angry, huh3= This ser"es to "alidate the speaker=s feelings!
.! Instead of asking W1hy3= 2hich may put the person on the defensi"e, ask open/ended
:uestions! DWtell me about that=Vor Wcould you help me understand better3=E
5! >se WI= statements rather than W<ou= statements De!g!: WI feel frustrated 2hen you yell
at me=, because V! And the result is VE! These statements sound less accusatory!
6! 'ffecti"e pauses! Sometimes not saying anything at all is more effecti"e than e"en the
perfect response! (y lea"ing gaps in the con"ersation, it allo2s the speaker to share
more! Also, sometimes the speaker is trying to elicit a response, and not gi"ing one,
takes some 2ind out of his or her sails!
-# Are you getting your point across=
Are you $aking <ourself Clear3
U <ou might be pretty sure that you=re being perfectly clear, but you might not beS
U Qi"e yourself time to organiGe your thoughts and make sure that your main points are
U Qi"e eBamples!
U #ay attention to your listeners:
% Do they seem to understand3
% Are they engaged and seeming interested in 2hat 2hat you are saying3
% #erhaps sum up your thoughts in brief statements periodically and ask listeners
to say ho2 they are interpreting 2hat you are saying!
U #ay attention to yourself:
% $ake sure you listened to others= preceding comments!
% 1ait for correct entrance to eBpress 2hat you ha"e to say!
@o2 to gi"e concise directions that can be understood by all learning styles3
U Another big part of emotional intelligence is reading your audience and being fleBible
enough to 2ork 2ith a "ariety of personalities!
U 1e may be assuming that e"eryone is at the same le"el of understanding or
eBperience, but this might not be true!
% Qi"en that there are many different learning styles, make sure to say things in more
than one 2ay!
% Double/check understanding as you go by looking, listening, and asking!
% $ake your speaking style conciseP there is no need for flo2ery language or eBcessi"e
% ;ISS: ;eep It Simple, StupidS
/# $on6erbal Communication: @es, but hat do you R'ALL@ mean=
U 1e all kno2 that non"erbal communication is at least as important as "erbal
communication, but ho2 can this kno2ledge help us in e"eryday interactions3
U 1hether you are a speaker or a listener, sender or recei"er, paying attention to body
language can guide you to a more positi"e outcome!
-! Does the listener seem recepti"e 2ith open body language, or defensi"e Dif minds are
open, bodies tend to be more open : not holding barriers bet2een you and them,
palms up, calm and relaBed faceE
+! If you are the speaker, do you seem relaBed, kno2ledgeable, and open to discussion,
or do you seem domineering, accusatory, and a kno2/it/all3
% #alms up or arms at your sides rather than pointing or pounding a desk, looking
people in the eyes, opening your o2n body language,
% check the tone of your "oice: is it friendly, or does it sound like you are barking3
Are you speaking at a reasonable speed and "olume3
)on"erbal communication is "ery conteBtual and indi"idual! )e"er assume someone=s
feelings based on one or t2o common beha"iors!
-! 0ather, use your suspicions as an opportunity to ask your audience about their
reactions or to eBperiment 2ith your o2n body language!
+! $aybe a slight change 2ould make a big difference in effecti"enessS
1# Dealing ith difficult people
Difficult people come in many forms:
The pro"ocateur: purposely says inflammatory, unnecessary or off/topic comments in
order to get a reaction from you
The 2ithholder: does not "olunteer any information, ans2ers 2ith "ery short responses
that are not helpful
The sarcast: does not take things seriouslyP puts a negati"e and some2hat mocking spin
on your message
The critic: nothing is e"er good enough: nothing is enlighteningP the process is supidP
any2hare else 2ould be more en?oyable
The shy one: in contrast to the 2ithholder, the shy one may 2ant to cooperate, but is
difficult to dra2 out, does not gi"e helpful responses, and isnot easy to readP may seem
uninterested in your sub?ect matter due to self/conscious beha"ior!
1hether someone is trying to be difficult, or ?ust has a gift, 2e need to ha"e some
strategies to deal 2ith these people 2hile keeping our cool!
-! Confront their attitude 2ith a :uestion De!g! M$aybe you disagree 2ith that statementP
could you tell me your "ie2 about that3N
+! Dra2 difficult people into a friendly dialogue to hopefully lighten up the mood and feel
more positi"e for e"eryone!
4! If all else fails, ignore the problem person, and think about all of the positi"e people
instead! This 2ay you 2ill not be 2eighted do2n by one person=s negati"ism
Sometimes the problem is not difficult people, but it is people trying too hard to please
e"eryone! This is a losing battle in 2hich no one is happy in the end!
U This most likely comes from a lack of confidence and self/esteem, but it could also
come from not kno2ing ho2 to deal 2ith difficult people!
@o2 to handle Mattack criticismN in front of a group!
% Dra2 the critic into a con"ersation 2here he or she is free to "oice any concerns or
% If the critic is not letting up, try to lighten up the mood 2ith a short, positi"e
comment, and mo"e on!
% 0ather than confront the critic / 2hich could cause embarrassment and more criticism
/ address possible concerns in your neBt fe2 sentences and check for change in mood!
@o2 to help the M2ithholderN to open up and help a"oid passi"e stalemates that 2aste
time and aggra"ate3
% Ask specific and open/ended :uestions directed to2ard that person Dbe subtle and
some2hat gentle so as to not seem threateningE
% Apen up a little yourselfP gi"e a little more!
% Do not 2aste too much time on someone un2illing to participate in a dialogueP try a
couple of times, but then mo"e on to others!
% 'mpathiGe! 1hat is causing this person to 2ithhold3 Is he or she shy3 @a"ing a hard
time3 )ot understanding3 Try to think of this person=s perspecti"e and change your
% Directly mention that he or she seems to be 2ithholding, and find out if this is because
he or she needs time to open up, or are you being offensi"e, or unclear, and so on3
@o2 to handle the Mal2ays right personN3
% It can be tricky 2hen you are talking to someone 2ho kno2s e"erything already, but
2e can get out gracefully 2ith some patience, positi"e attitude, an open mind, and a
2illingness to listen and learn!
% It may sound like a ?oke, but maybe 2e could learn something from the Wkno2/it/all!=
U Ask :uestions
U Challenge $r! or $s! ;no2/It/All 2ith a bit of healthy debate or asking for sources of
U If this stops feeling producti"e and starts feeling petty or fake, do not take the bait
that this person is putting out for you! Stop responding and mo"e on to others 2ho
are more recepti"e!
@o2 to keep people moti"ated e"en on a boring pro?ect3
% If you are ha"ing trouble keeping people a2ake 2ith your sub?ect matter 2hen
speaking publicly, try asking an open/ended :uestion that re:uires audience
% Ask for "olunteers to share rele"ant eBperiences! If there is silence, share something
yourself, and ask if anyone can relate to your eBperience!
% Qo back to the basics: are you speaking in a dynamic and engaging tone3 Are you
using eye contact3 @o2 is your body language3 Can you make your material any more
interesting 2hile you are speaking3
1hen Trying Is )ot 1orkingV
-! $AZ' A)!
#art of being emotionally intelligent is being able to read people and situations 2hile
kno2ing ho2 2e are feeling and coming across! If a person or situation is a lost cause,
it=s okay to let it go! Do not 2aste your "aluable time and energy any more than is
necessary Dassuming that you ha"e made reasonable attempts!E
+! 1A0; A) <A>!
Stay focused on 2hat you can do better rather than change someone else=s beha"iors!
In the end, each person is responsible for his or her o2n beha"ior: not others= beha"ior!
4! DA )AT T0< TAA @A0D!
Stop trying to please e"eryone! The person 2ho is al2ays trying to help e"eryone is the
first one to get knocked do2n! In other 2ords, people do not appreciate someone trying
to help them, and they often 2ill take out their frustration on the "ery person 2ho is
-! Someone at 2ork is being ?ust impossible
Think: 1hat is the problem3
1hat could sol"e the problem3
+! &or some reason, 2e are unable to get our point across
Ad?ust! If one thing isn=t 2orking, try another!
0e2ork! Qear message to better suit the listener=s style!
Ask! &ind out if you are making sense, or if not, 2hy3
4! 1e feel sad, irritable, frustrated, stressed, unappreciated, etc!
Time Aut! Take a fe2 minutes a2ay from the situation to figure out 2hy you are
feeling these 2ays 1ork! &ocus on feeling better before tackling interactions
Dfocus on breathing, focus on feelings, step into the other person=s shoes!E
.! )egotiation is necessary
1ish list: 1e often can=t get eBactly 2hat 2e 2ant, but kno2ing 2hat 2e 2ant is
a good starting point!
Sacrifice: 1hat can 2e possibly gi"e up for the sake of a positi"e outcome for both
'Btra responsibility, less sleep, lo2er eBpendable income, and ne"er/ending bills can
make us more stressed than 2e e"en realiGe! Stress eBacerbates many other
conditions, such as: depression, insomnia, irritable bo2el syndrome, and colds, as 2ell
The good ne2s is:
U There are many simple 2ays to reduce our stress le"els that are "ery effecti"e!
U (y managing our stress le"els on a regular basis, 2e are likelier to remain more
relaBed, and decrease stress :uicker and easier in the future!
U Step a2ay from the stressing situation if possible
U #ractice $indfulness: &ocus on the in/and/out of your breath for a fe2 minutes, and
concentrate only on that! If thoughts or feelings come up during this eBercise, that=s
fine, but :uickly refocus on your breathing! This helps you calm do2n and gain
U If you need to "ent, find a friend, family member, or trusted colleague 2ho you can
trust to listen and maybe offer helpful suggestions!
U Ance you are calm, think about the stressful situation in a different 2ay!
% @o2 can you change it3
% @o2 can you better cope 2ith it3
% @a"e you tried some alternati"e 2ays of dealing 2ith the situation or person3
U An important part of emotional intelligence that is often ignored is people=s boundaries!
U 1hat might be perfectly appropriate to you may be inappropriate or uncomfortable for
U 1hen someone=s boundaries are crossed, it can ha"e negati"e results, such as:
% Closed off to your message
% Lack of focusP distractibility
\ If you sense that you ha"e crossed the line 2ith someone, apologiGe, and proceed
\ S2itch to a lighter sub?ect, or put the ball in someone else=s court Di!e! stop talkingP
let someone else speak for a 2hile!E
0ules of Thumb
U A good rule of thumb is to ask and share a little less rather than a little more! If the
other person is open to sharing more, then he or she 2ill!
U Do not push people too hard or too :uickly!
U 1e can ne"er kno2 for sure 2hat is okay and 2hat is taboo for any particular person!
U Cust because an eBperience is one 2ay for you, does not mean that the eBperience is
the same 2ay for others!
U <ou don=t ha"e to understand 2hy someone feels a particular 2ay necessarily, but you
do need to respect that it is his or her feeling to ha"e!
4# Research on 'A and Gersatility
The other key principle from the SACIAL ST<L' model is Zersatility! Zersatility is a
measure of a person=s interpersonal effecti"eness! Like 'motional Intelligence, Zersatility
has se"eral sub/components: image, presentation, competence and feedback!
Zersatility complements 'R in important 2ays! The Zersatility model focuses on aspects
of 'motional Intelligence that are most rele"ant to the 2orkplace!
0esearchers at Colorado State >ni"ersity ha"e ?ust completed a study that compared
Zersatility to t2o separate measures of 'R, and they found a significant relationship
bet2een Zersatility and 'R!
Thus the correlations Colorado State >ni"ersity found bet2een Zersatility and 'R are
eBtremely high, sho2ing a "ery close connection bet2een these t2o measures!
The main take a2ay from this research is that by 2orking on Zersatility and an
a2areness of Style and ho2 different people respond to beha"ior, you can also increase
your 'R! The research sho2s that by learning about beha"ioral style and ho2 it impacts
Zersatility, people can also impro"e their 'motional Intelligence!
7# 5enefits and Summary:
In today=s economy, organiGations are looking for 2ays to impro"e their producti"ity!
'motional Intelligence has emerged as a resource to impro"e the performance of
indi"iduals and their organiGations! And as research continues to document, 'R is
making a difference! There are ob?ecti"e, measurable benefits associated 2ith 'R
including increased sales, better recruiting and retention and more effecti"e leadership!
&urther, there is e"idence that 'R skills can be de"eloped through training programs!
SACIAL ST<L' and Zersatility training teach specific skills that increase 'motional
De"eloping this eBpertise in beha"ioral styles makes indi"iduals and their organiGations
more producti"e and effecti"e!
Tracomp Qroup / 6675 South ;enton Street, Suite --8 / Centennial, CA 8,---
4,4/.7,/.9,, / 222!socialstyle!com
De#aul >ni"ersity % Chicago / http:FFsnl!depaul!eduF2ritingF'motionale+,Intelligence
0ight#ath 0esources, Inc! &ounder, #resident and C'A, Cerry $abe
"8# Rational 'moti6e 5eha6ior .herapy
"# Cogniti6e dissonance
Qet insight into the balance bet2een thinking Dkno2ledgeE, feelings DemotionsE and
beha"ior DactionsE: Try to find out 2hether the thinking Dkno2ledgeE, the feelings and
the beha"ior of your partner on your proposed action are compatible 2ith each other!
A situation in 2hich these elements do not correspond to each other is an eBtremely
unpleasant eBperience, kno2n as cogniti"e dissonance! This produces a feeling of
discomfort leading to an alteration in one of the attitudes, beliefs or beha"iors to reduce
the discomfort and restore balance etc!
A person 2ho is eBperiencing cogniti"e dissonance, 2ill al2ays change one of the
elements in"ol"ed, in order to restore balance!
&or instance: A colleague has announced that he has been in"ited to an important
meeting and that he looks for2ard to participating! <et, he has not attended the
meeting! If you then return to the sub?ect, he may indicate that the meeting 2as not as
important as he had thought before!
>nderstanding of the imbalance bet2een the elements can be useful in the approach of
the other party! At times, pro"iding the necessary information 2ill suffice to restore the
In general, if one of the elements is out2eighing the other elements, balance can be
restored as follo2s:
-! If a person is o"erloaded by Internal #rocesses DThinkingE:
-! Qet his attention
+! Ask :uestions
4! ;eep silent Duse the po2er of SilenceE
+! If a person is o"erloaded by 'Bternal (eha"ior DActionE:
-! 0eformulate the content
+! Ask a closed :uestion
4! If a person is o"erloaded by emotions D&eelingE:
-! Acti"e Listening
+! 0eflect the emotion Dhappy, angry, afraid, sad, etcVE
,# .he emotional balance
'motions are ho2 2e genuinely feel about things!
1e all eBperience both pleasant and unpleasant
feelings in our li"es! 'motional balance is about
getting the balance of pleasant and unpleasant
feelings right! 1hen 2e get the balance right, 2e
can flourish % this means feeling happy, getting
the most out of our li"es and gi"ing the best that
2e can gi"e!
So ho2 do 2e find emotional balance in our li"es3
@o2 do 2e maintain a healthy balance of positi"e
and negati"e emotions3
#ositi"e and negati"e emotions don=t ?ust happen
to us / they are affected by the 2ay 2e think! In
turn, ho2 2e think affects 2hat 2e do! So, our beha"iour is affected by our thoughts
and emotions! In addition, the 2ay 2e beha"e, and the outcomes of our beha"iour,
affects ho2 2e think and feel! There is therefore an ongoing relationship bet2een our
thoughts, feelings and beha"iour!
So, 2e can take control of our emotions by changing the 2ay 2e think! 1e can decide
ho2 2e are going to respond 2hen bad things happen to us! And 2e can think positi"ely
about our li"es to help encourage positi"e emotion!
1e can push negati"e thoughts out of our mind, by doing something to try and take our
mind off them for a 2hile, like going for a 2alk or a s2im or phoning a friend! The
physical eBercise or contact 2ith a friend can also gi"e us a little boost of positi"e
emotion 2hich opens our minds to possible solutions to our problems! Also, solutions to
our problems often come to us 2hen 2e=re not thinking too hard about it!
1e can=t ?ust magic up positi"e emotions % for eBample, 2e can=t ?ust decide to be
?oyful! (ut 2e can decide to think about the good things in our life to help us eBperience
?oy by asking oursel"es :uestions like, I1hat=s going 2ell in my life today3I
1e can also argue 2ith our negati"e thoughts by clearly eBamining the facts of the
situation! Thinking things like II=ll ne"er get this 2ork finished % I=m ?ust hopeless at
thisI makes you feel pretty lo2, but may not actually be true!
'ffecti"ely managing negati"e emotions in"ol"es identifying negati"e thinking and
replacing it 2ith realistic and balanced thinking! (ecause our thoughts ha"e a big impact
on the 2ay 2e feel, changing unhelpful thoughts to realistic or helpful ones is a key to
feeling better! M0ealistic thinkingN means looking at yourself, others, and the 2orld in a
balanced and fair 2ay, 2ithout being o"erly negati"e or positi"e! &or eBample:
;no2 2hat you=re thinking or telling yourself! $ost of us are not used to paying attention
to the 2ay 2e think, e"en though 2e are constantly affected by our thoughts! #aying
attention to your thoughts Dor self/talkE can help you keep track of the kind of thoughts
you typically ha"e!
Ance you=re more a2are of your thoughts, try to identify the thoughts that make you
feel bad, and determine if they=re problematic thoughts that need to be challenged! &or
eBample, if you feel sad thinking about your grandmother 2ho=s been battling cancer,
this thought doesn=t need to be challenged because it=s absolutely normal to feel sad
2hen thinking about a lo"ed one suffering! (ut, if you feel sad after a friend cancels your
lunch plans and you begin to think there=s ob"iously something seriously 2rong 2ith you
and no one likes you, this is problematic because this thought is eBtreme and not based
#ay attention to the shift in your emotion, no matter ho2 small! 1hen you notice
yourself getting more upset or distressed, ask yourself, M1hat am I telling myself right
no23N or M1hat is making me feel upset3N
-# .he effect of thinking traps and irrational thoughts
1hen you=re accustomed to identifying thoughts that lead to negati"e emotions, start to
eBamine these thoughts to see if they=re unrealistic and unhelpful! Ane of the first things
to do is to see if you="e fallen into Thinking Traps De!g!, catastrophiGing or
o"erestimating dangerE, 2hich are o"erly negati"e 2ays of seeing things! <ou can also
ask yourself a range of :uestions to challenge your negati"e thoughts, such as M1hat is
the e"idence that this thought is true3N and MAm I confusing a possibility 2ith a
probability3 It may be possible, but is it likely3N
&inally, after challenging a negati"e thought and e"aluating it more ob?ecti"ely, try to
come up 2ith an alternati"e thought that is more balanced and realistic! Doing this can
help lo2er your distress! In addition to coming up 2ith realistic statements, try to come
up 2ith some :uick and easy/to/remember coping statements De!g!, MThis has happened
before and I kno2 ho2 to handle itNE and positi"e self/statements De!g!, MIt takes
courage to face the things that scare meNE!
It can also be particularly helpful to 2rite do2n your realistic thoughts or helpful coping
statements on an indeB card or piece of paper! Then, keep this coping card 2ith you to
help remind you of these statements 2hen you are feeling too distressed to think clearly!
Cogniti"e (eha"iour Therapy is designed to help us recogniGe the irrational thinking
patterns and learn strategies to challenge those thoughts and thereby ha"e a positi"e
feedback effect on our moods! In essence 2e are trying to retrain our thinking patterns
back into more of a rational pattern!
The therapy is based on the idea that ho2 2e think DcognitionE, ho2 2e feel Dour
emotionsE and ho2 2e beha"e Dbeha"iourE, are all interconnected! (asically the "ie2
that emotions cause our thought patterns is re"ersed by this therapy 2hich maintains
that irrational thoughts lead to negati"e emotions and moods, and thus beha"iour!
The classic eBample of 2here irrational thought can alter are moods is 2here 2e make a
mistake and think, MI am useless % I ne"er get things rightN, then our moods tend to
become depressed and then our beha"iour changes to a"oid other situations 2here 2e
feel 2e 2ill fail again and this tends to reinforce our belief in our uselessness! Soon 2e
ha"e a self/fulfilling prophecy feeding on itself! Sound familiar3
Ane of the main pillars of 0'(T is that irrational and dysfunctional 2ays and patterns of
thinking, feeling and beha"ing are contributing to much, though hardly all, human
disturbance and emotional and beha"ioral self/defeatism and social defeatism! 0'(T
generally teaches that 2hen people turn fleBible preferences, desires and 2ishes into
grandiose, absolutistic and fatalistic dictates, this tends to contribute to disturbance and
0'(T commonly posits that at the core of irrational beliefs there often are eBplicit or
implicit rigid demands and commands, and that eBtreme deri"ati"es like a2fuliGing,
frustration intolerance, people deprecation and o"er/generaliGations are accompanied by
According to 0'(T the core dysfunctional philosophies in a personJs e"aluati"e emotional
and beha"ioral belief system, are also "ery likely to contribute to unrealistic, arbitrary
and crooked inferences and distortions in thinking! 0'(T therefore first teaches that
2hen people in an insensible and de"out 2ay o"eruse absolutistic, dogmatic and rigid
IshouldsI, ImustsI, and IoughtsI, they tend to disturb and upset themsel"es!
The 2ay our thoughts become irrational is based on 2hat is often described as =The Ten
Cogniti"e Distortions= and they are common in life for e"eryone at some point! The
difference is that those of us 2ith bipolar or depression tend to ha"e had them become
almost a 2ay of life!
Albert 'llis has suggested three core beliefs or philosophies that humans tend to disturb
CI a'solutely 3(ST, under
practically all conditions
and at all times, perform
well Dor outstandingly wellE
and win the approval Dor
complete loveE of
significant others. If I fail
in these importantFand
sacredFrespects, that is
awful and I am a 'ad,
person, who will pro'a'ly
always fail and deserves to
C&ther people with whom I
relate or associate,
a'solutely 3(ST, under
practically all conditions
and at all times, treat me
nicely, considerately and
fairly. &therwise, it is
terri'le and they are rotten,
'ad, unworthy people who
will always treat me 'adly
and do not deserve a good
life and should 'e severely
punished for acting so
a'omina'ly to me.C
CThe conditions under which
I live a'solutely 3(ST, at
practically all times, 'e
favora'le, safe, hasslefree,
and Buickly and easily
en2oya'le, and if they are
not that way itGs awful and
horri'le and I canGt 'ear it.
I canGt ever en2oy myself at
all. 3y life is impossi'le and
hardly worth living.C
@olding this belief 2hen
faced 2ith ad"ersity tends
to contribute to feelings
depression, despair, and
@olding this belief 2hen
faced 2ith ad"ersity tends
to contribute to feelings of
anger, rage, fury, and
@olding this belief 2hen
faced 2ith ad"ersity tends
depression, and to
a"oidance, and inaction!
Ance 2e ha"e become familiar 2ith these irrational thought patterns, 2e then ha"e to
learn strategies to challenge and confront them so that o"er time 2e can change ho2 2e
feel about oursel"es and situations and thus are enabled to also change our beha"iour to
reinforce the positi"e cycle! This is often done in a four step process so that 2e can see
the rational "ersus the irrational thoughts side by side in line 2ith the situation and then
look at 2hat steps 2e can take!
(ut first a description of the Cogniti"e Distortions:
-! All or nothing thinking % the tendency to think in absolute terms, like Wal2ays=,
Wne"er= and e"ery!
+! A"ergeneralisation % taking isolated situations and applying them in a 2ide
4! $ental filter % focussing eBclusi"ely on one, usually negati"e aspect and ignoring the
larger, more positi"e picture!
.! Discounting the positi"e % continually ignoring positi"e aspects for arbitrary reasons!
5! Cumping to conclusions / assuming something negati"e 2here there is actually no
e"idence to support it! T2o specific subtypes are also identified:
a! $ind reading / assuming the intentions of others
b! &ortune telling / guessing that things 2ill turn out badly
6! $agnification % usually magnifying the negati"es and minimising the positi"es % my
psychiatrist nicknames it WA2fulisation=!
7! 'motional reasoning % making decisions on ho2 you feel not based on ob?ecti"e
8! Should statements % 2hen you concentrate on 2hat you feel you should do or ought
to be rather than the reality of the situation! DAften called W2ishful thinking=E!
9! Labeling % related to o"ergeneralisation, 2here you assign labels to someone rather
than specific beha"iour! Ane eBample could be rather than saying % I made a
mistake, you say I am a loser because of the mistake!
-,! #ersonaliGation and blame % assuming yourself or others are the cause of things
2hen that may not ha"e been the case!
/# .echni0ues for Disputing Irrational 5eliefs KDI5SM
Albert 'llis, #h!D
If you 2ant to increase your rationality and reduce your self/defeating irrational beliefs,
you can ask yourself the follo2ing :uestions and carefully thinking through Dnot merely
parrotingSE the healthy ans2ers!
-! 1@AT S'L&/D'&'ATI)Q I00ATIA)AL ('LI'& DA I 1A)T TA DIS#>T' A)D
Illustrati"e ans2er: I must recei"e lo"e from someone for 2hom I really care!
+! CA) I 0ATIA)ALL< S>##A0T T@IS ('LI'&3
Illustrati"e ans2er: )o!
4! 1@AT 'ZID')C' 'HISTS A& T@' &ALS')'SS A& T@IS ('LI'&3
Illustrati"e ans2er: $any indications eBist that the belief that I must recei"e lo"e from
someone for 2hom I really care is false:
aE )o la2 of the uni"erse eBists that says that someone I care for must lo"e me
Dalthough I 2ould find it nice if that person didSE!
bE If I do not recei"e lo"e from one person, I can still get it from others and find
happiness that 2ay!
cE If no one I care for e"er cares for me, 2hich is "ery unlikely, I can still find en?oyment
in friendships, in 2ork, in books, and in other things!
dE If someone I deeply care for re?ects me, that 2ill be most unfortunateP but I 2ill
eE '"en though I ha"e not had much luck in 2inning great lo"e in the past, that hardly
pro"es that I must gain it no2!
fE )o e"idence eBists for any absolutistic must! Conse:uently, no proof eBists that I must
al2ays ha"e anything, including lo"e!
gE $any people eBist in the 2orld 2ho ne"er get the kind of lo"e they cra"e and 2ho still
lead happy li"es!
hE At times during my life I kno2 that I ha"e remained unlo"ed and happyP so I most
probably can feel happy again under unlo"ing conditions!
iE If I get re?ected by someone for 2hom I truly care, that may mean that I possess
some poor, unlo"able traits! (ut that hardly means that I am a rotten, 2orthless, totally
?E'"en if I had such poor traits that no one could e"er lo"e me, I 2ould still not ha"e to
do2n myself as a lo2ly, bad indi"idual!
.! DA'S A)< 'ZID')C' 'HIST A& T@' T0>T@ A& T@IS ('LI'&3
Illustrati"e ans2er: )o, not really! Considerable e"idence eBists that if I lo"e someone
dearly and ne"er am lo"ed in return that I 2ill then find myself disad"antaged,
incon"enienced, frustrated, and depri"ed! I certainly 2ould prefer, therefore, not to get
re?ected! (ut no amount of incon"enience amounts to a horror! I can still stand
frustration and loneliness! They hardly make the 2orld a2ful! )or does re?ection make
me a turdS Clearly, then, no e"idence eBists that I must recei"e lo"e from someone for
2hom I really care!
5! 1@AT A0' T@' 1A0ST T@I)QS T@AT CA>LD ACT>ALL< @A##') TA $' I& I DA)JT
Q'T 1@AT I T@I); I $>ST DA0 DA Q'T 1@AT I T@I); I $>ST )AT Q'TE3
Illustrati"e ans2er: If I donJt get the lo"e I think I must recei"e:
aE I 2ould get depri"ed of "arious possible pleasures and con"eniences!
bE I 2ould feel incon"enienced by ha"ing to keep looking for lo"e else2here!
cE I might ne"er gain the lo"e I 2ant, and thereby continue indefinitely to feel depri"ed
dE Ather people might do2n me and consider me pretty 2orthless for getting re?ected/
and that 2ould be annoying and unpleasant!
eE I might settle for pleasures other than and 2orse than those I could recei"e in a good
lo"e relationshipP and I 2ould find that distinctly undesirable!
fE I might remain alone much of the timeP 2hich again 2ould be unpleasant!
gE Zarious other kinds of misfortunes and depri"ations might occur in my life/none of
2hich I need define as a2ful, terrible, or unbearable!
6! 1@AT QAAD T@I)QS CA>LD I $A;' @A##') I& I DA)JT Q'T 1@AT I T@I); I $>ST
DA0 DA Q'T 1@AT I T@I); I $>ST )AT Q'TE3
aE If the person I truly care for does not return my lo"e, I could de"ote more time and
energy to 2inning someone elseJs lo"e /and probably find someone better for me!
bE I could de"ote myself to other en?oyable pursuits that ha"e little to do 2ith lo"ing or
relating, such as 2ork or artistic endea"ors!
cE I could find it challenging and en?oyable to teach myself to li"e happily 2ithout lo"e!
dE I could 2ork at achie"ing a philosophy of fully accepting myself e"en 2hen I do not
get the lo"e I cra"e!
<ou can take any one of your ma?or irrational beliefs / your shoulds, oughts, or musts /
and spend at least ten minutes e"ery day, often for a period of se"eral 2eeks, acti"ely
and "igorously disputing this belief!
To help keep yourself de"oting this amount of time to the DI(S method of rational
disputing, you may use operant conditioning or self/management methods Doriginated
by (!&! Skinner, Da"id #remack, $ar"in Qoldfried, and other psychologistsE! Select some
acti"ity that you highly en?oy that you tend to do e"ery day/ such as reading, eating,
tele"ision "ie2ing, eBercising, or social contact 2ith friends! >se this acti"ity as a
reinforcer or re2ard by A)L< allo2ing yourself to engage in it A&T'0 you ha"e practiced
Disputing Irrational (eliefs DDI(SE for at least ten minutes that day! Ather2ise, no
Summary of Auestions to Ask @ourself in DI5S
-! 1@AT S'L&/D'&'ATI)Q I00ATIA)AL ('LI'& DA I 1A)T TA DIS#>T' A)D
+! CA) I 0ATIA)ALL< S>##A0T T@IS ('LI'&3
4! 1@AT 'ZID')C' 'HISTS A& T@' &ALS')'SS A& T@IS ('LI'&3
.! DA'S A)< 'ZID')C' 'HIST A& T@' T0>T@ A& T@IS ('LI'&3
5! 1@AT A0' T@' 1A0ST T@I)QS T@AT CA>LD ACT>ALL< @A##') TA $' I& I DA)JT
Q'T 1@AT I T@I); I $>ST DA0 DA Q'T 1@AT I T@I); I $>ST )AT Q'TE3
6! 1@AT QAAD T@I)QS CA>LD I $A;' @A##') I& I DA)JT Q'T 1@AT I T@I); I $>ST
DA0 DA Q'T 1@AT I T@I); I $>ST )AT Q'TE3
Disputing DDE your dysfunctional or irrational (eliefs Di(sE is one of the most effecti"e of
0'(T techni:ues! (ut it is still often ineffecti"e, because you can easily and "ery strongly
hold on to an i( Dsuch as, II absolutely must be lo"ed by so/and/so, and itJs a2ful and I
am an inade:uate person 2hen heFshe does not lo"e meSIE! 1hen you :uestion and
challenge this i( you often can come up 2ith an 'ffecti"e )e2 #hilosophy D'E that is
accurate but 2eak: II guess that there is no reason 2hy so/and/so must lo"e me,
because there are other people 2ho 2ill lo"e me 2hen so/and/so does not! I can
therefore be reasonably happy 2ithout hisFher lo"e!I (elie"ing this almost 'ffecti"e )e2
#hilosophy, and belie"ing it lightly, you can still easily and forcefully belie"e, I'"en
though it is not a2ful and terrible 2hen so/and/so does not lo"e me, it really isS )o
matter 2hat, I still need hisFher affectionSI
1eak, or e"en moderately strong, Disputing 2ill therefore often not 2ork "ery 2ell to
help you truly disbelie"e some of your po2erful and long/held i(JsP 2hile "igorous,
persistent Disputing is more likely to 2ork
1# Challenging irrational beliefs
@o2 do 2e deal 2ith these beliefs 2hich are limiting us and ha"e become an
obstruction to2ards our goal achie"ement3 1e must let go of these beliefs and
assumptions to become successful, ha"e positi"e relationships 2ith others, and deal
2ith the stress in life! &ollo2ing are the fi"e :uestions that you can ask yourself to
dispute your irrational beliefs!
-! 0eality testing
1hat is my e"idence for and against my thinking3
1hy MshouldN I al2ays be the best3, 1hy MmustN e"erybody like me3
1here is it 2ritten3 1ho said so3
Am I ?umping to negati"e conclusions3
@o2 can I find out if my thoughts are actually true3
+! Look for alternati"e eBplanations
Does this belief AL1A<S hold true for me3 1hen did it not3
Are there any other 2ays that I could look at this situation3
1hat else could this mean3
If I 2ere being positi"e, ho2 2ould I percei"e this situation3
4! #utting it in perspecti"e
Does this belief look at the total picture3
1hat is the 2orst and 2hat the best thing that could happen3
Is there anything good about this situation3
1ill this matter in fi"e years= time3
.! >sing goal/directed thinking
Is this 2ay of thinking helping me to achie"e my goals3
Does This belief promote my 2ell being3
1hat can I do that 2ill help me sol"e the problem3
Is there something I can learn from this situation, to help me do it better neBt
5! Did I choose this belief on my o2n or did I de"elop it from my eBperience of
$any of our mistaken beliefs are formed due to our upbringing and the kind of
messages 2e got during our gro2ing up! It is important to let go of the past and
focus on 2hat can be done in the present to deal 2ith situations "ersus letting
these mistaken beliefs take control of you!
1hy MshouldN I al2ays be the best3, 1hy MmustN e"erybody like me3
1hy Mcan=tN I V3
1here is it 2ritten3 1ho said so3
It is important to mention here that once you ha"e challenged the mistaken belief, it is
"ery crucial to use an affirmation to reinforce your ne2ly formed belief about the
situation, person and e"ent!
&ollo2ing are some eBamples of Affirmations that you can use to challenge your
- I am learning to be kind to myself!
- I am a good person!
- I can accept criticism and learn from it!
- I lo"e and accept myself!
- It is okay for me to take care of my needs 2ithout feeling guilty!
- I ha"e a right to eBpress my feelings!
- I am learning to let go of my 2orries and think positi"e!
In this 2ay, 2e see that it is possible to challenge our mistaken beliefs and change our
self talk to deal 2ith our situations!
Ance 2e ha"e challenged the mistaken beliefs and used affirmations, it is possible to
replace our mistaken beliefs 2ith a ne2 rational belief!
<ou need a lot of determination to be able to uproot your mistaken beliefs because you
formed them o"er the years! #ersistence and perse"erance 2ill ultimately gi"e desired
If you ?ust kno2 you feel bad and are not sure 2hat you=re thinking, this eBercise may
Take a sheet of paper and di"ide it in . columns
In the first column, 2rite do2n your ans2ers to these eBploring :uestions:
- 1hat 2as going through my mind ?ust before I started to feel this 2ay3
- 1hat does this say about me3 1hat does it say I canFcan=t do3
- 1hat does this mean about me3 $y life3 $y future3
- 1hat am I afraid might happen3 1hat is the 2orst thing that could happen if this is
- 1hat does this mean about 2hat other people might thinkFfeel about me3
- 1hat does this mean I shouldFshouldn=t do3
- 1hat images or memories do I ha"e in this situation3
In the second column, 2rite do2n all the factual e"idence that suggests your circled
thought is true! (e as specific as possible, and only include facts, not opinions! &or
eBample, if your friend Sally said a particular dress made you look a little fat, don=t
2rite, MI look fatN Dthis is ?ust Sally=s opinionE! Don=t 2rite, MSally says I look fatN Dthis is
o"er generalisingE! 1rite something like, MSally said I looked a little fat in the green
In the third column, 2rite do2n any factual e"idence that suggests your circled thought
is not -,,e true! To do this, you can ask yourself the follo2ing :uestions:
- @a"e I had any eBperiences that sho2 that this thought is not completely true all the
- If my best friend or someone I lo"ed had this thought, 2hat 2ould I tell them3
- If my best friend or someone 2ho lo"es me kne2 I 2as thinking this thought, 2hat
2ould they say to me3 1hat e"idence 2ould they point out to me that 2ould suggest
that my thoughts 2ere not -,,e true3
- 1hen I am not feeling this 2ay, do I think about this type of situation any differently3
- 1hen I ha"e felt this 2ay in the past, 2hat did I think about that helped me feel
- @a"e I been in this type of situation before3 1hat happened3 Is there anything
different bet2een this situation and pre"ious ones3 1hat ha"e I learned from prior
eBperiences that could help me no23
- Are there any small things that contradict my thoughts that I might be discounting as
- &i"e years from no2, if I look back at this situation, 2ill I look at it any differently3
1ill I focus on any different part of my eBperience3
- Are there any strengths or positi"es in me or the situation that I am ignoring3
- Am I ?umping to any conclusions that are not completely ?ustified by the e"idence3
- Am I blaming myself for something o"er 2hich I do not ha"e complete control3
In the final column, try to come up 2ith some Malternati"eN or MbalancedN thoughts that
are more factually accurate than those in the first column! These should take into
account all the e"idence you="e ?ust gathered! <ou can ask yourself the follo2ing
- (ased on the e"idence I ha"e listed, is there an alternati"e 2ay of thinking about or
understanding the situation3
- 1rite one sentence that summariGes all the e"idence that supports my thought and
all the e"idence that does not support my thought!
- Does combining the t2o summary statements 2ith the 2ord MandN create a balanced
thought that takes into account all the information I ha"e gathered3
- If someone I cared about 2as in this situation, had these thoughts, and had this
information a"ailable, 2hat 2ould be my ad"ice to them3 @o2 2ould I suggest that
they understand the situation3
- If my thought is true, 2hat is the 2orst outcome3 If my thought is true, 2hat is the
best outcome3 If my thought is true, 2hat is the most realistic outcome3
- Can someone I trust think of any other 2ay of understanding this situation3
MA"ercoming 1eight #roblemsN by Qauntlett/Qilbert and Qrace
M$ind A"er $oodN by Qreenberger and #adesky
MAnBiety and #hobia 1orkbookN by 'dmond C (ourne
2# .he A5C %rameork
<ouJ"e ha"e had a bad day, feel fed up, so go out shopping! As you 2alk do2n the road,
someone you kno2 2alks by and, apparently, ignores you!
-F Irrational thought: @eFshe ignored me / they donJt like me
- Cogniti"e distortions : &ortune telling, $ind reading, Labelling, A"ergeneralisation,
- 'motional: &eeling lo2, sad and re?ected
- #hysical: Stomach cramps, lo2 energy, feel sick
- (eha"iour: Qo home / a"oid them
+F 0ational thought: @eFshe looks a bit 2rapped up in themsel"es % I
2onder if thereJs something 2rong3
- Cogniti"e distortions : none
- 'motional: Concerned for the other person
- #hysical: )one, feel comfortable
- (eha"iour: Qet in touch to make sure theyJre A;
- A DActi"ating SituationE K A friend does not return your phone call
- ( D(eliefsFThoughtsE K MI must ha"e done something to upset them! I am such a
- C DConse:uenceF'ffectE K AnBious, upset, depressed
- A DActi"ating SituationE K A friend does not return your phone call
- ( D(eliefsFThoughtsE K MThey=re probably ?ust really busy, and ha"en=t had time to
get back to me yet!N
- C DConse:uenceF 'ffectE K Content, neutral
The abo"e eBamples sho2 ho2 t2o people may eBperience the same situation, but ha"e
"ery different reactions to the e"ent based on ho2 they interpret and e"aluate the
situation according to their thoughts and beliefs!
The right process is basically a four step procedure:
-F 2e clearly look at 2hat actually happened not 2hat 2e think happened!
+F 2e identify our irrational thought and it is a good idea to see 2hat one, or ones of the
cogniti"e distortions is in"ol"ed!
4F 2e look at 2hat a rational thought could be for the situation
.F and then look at 2hat action 2e can take do something concrete and positi"e about
It is a really great idea to 2rite do2n our reasoning and not ?ust do it mentally as if
forces us to confront our irrational thoughts and actions in a much more effecti"e 2ay!
To be perfectly honest, it re:uires hard 2ork and commitment to make it 2ork but the
longer 2e 2ork at it the easier it becomes! I ha"e to remind myself that the times that I
am really do2n and not feeling "ery good about myself and life in particular, these are
the times 2hen I most need to do it!
0'(T employs the WA(C frame2ork= _ depicted in the figure belo2 _ to clarify the
DAE: acti"ating e"ents
D(E: our beliefs about them
DCE: and the cogniti"e, emotional or beha"ioural conse:uences of our beliefs!
The figure sho2s ho2 the frame2ork distinguishes bet2een the effects of rational beliefs
about negati"e e"ents, 2hich gi"e rise to healthy negati"e emotions, and the effects of
irrational beliefs about negati"e e"ents, 2hich lead to unhealthy negati"e emotions!
)egati"e e"ents and healthy "s! unhealthy responses!
In addition to the A5C frameork, R'5. also employs three primary insights:
1hile eBternal e"ents are of undoubted influence, psychological disturbance is largely a
matter of personal choice in the sense that indi"iduals consciously or unconsciously
select both rational beliefs and irrational beliefs at D(E 2hen negati"e e"ents occur at DAE
#ast history and present life conditions strongly affect the person, but they do not, in
and of themsel"es, disturb the personP rather, it is the indi"idual=s responses 2hich
disturb them, and it is again a matter of indi"idual choice 2hether to maintain the
philosophies at D(E 2hich cause disturbance!
$odifying the philosophies at D(E re:uires persistence and hard 2ork, but it can be done!
The Triangle emblem is an Mimpossible figure,N an
optical illusion! The figure 2as designed by &red L!
@oltG more than thirty years ago and 2as originally
created simply to be thought pro"oking! @#S no2
uses the symbol to represent the three dimensions
of the mind that need to be in balance for
#sychological 1ell (eing: 0ational Thoughts,
@ealthy 0ange of 'motions, and 'ffecti"e (eha"iors!
Therapy helps you achie"e all of these!
@otG psychological ser"ice, $el"ille, )e2 <ork / Cogniti"e (eha"ior Therapy
""# Success Strategies
"# 5uilding a Shared Gision
'ffecti"e leaders create a shared "ision of great performance / a clear picture of the
future of the organiGation, based on tomorro2=s needs! The "ision makes the goal and
the ?ourney clear: 2here 2e are going, ho2 2e 2ill kno2 2hen 2e get there, and ho2
2e=ll kno2 that 2e=re making progress! 'ffecti"e leaders see the total system,
understand it, and help others to understand it! And they help to build the po2er 2ithin
the organiGation to achie"e the "ision!
'ffecti"e leaders encourage employees at all le"els to eBpand, deepen, and personaliGe
the organiGational "ision by identifying ho2, in their o2n roles, they can make a
significant contribution to achie"ing the organiGational "ision!
An effecti"e leader empo2ers employees by de"eloping a shared "ision, remo"ing
obstacles to great performance, de"eloping o2nership of the "ision among the
employees, and stimulating self/directed actions! The leader must be sure that the
performers are responsible and accountable for great performance! #eople 2ho are gi"en
a real "oice are much more likely to Mbuy inN to the "ision and the organiGational goals
and to make it their mission to help achie"e those goals!
A leader 2ho manages through coaching con"inces people of their o2n ability to do the
?ob! They ha"e faith that, 2ith the proper training and support, people 2ill eBcel!
Coaching in"ol"es pro"iding training, support, and constructi"e feedback as an employee
carries out responsibilities! The leader gi"es ongoing encouragement and praise for
successes and helps the person build confidence in his or her o2n abilities!
An effecti"e format for coaching includes these steps:
\ Set the stage! Qi"e full attention, be clear, assume a Mshared learningN mindset,
encourage dialogue, listen acti"ely, and foster mutual respect!
\ Define the problem, goal, or issue! (e specific and be clear about your assumptions!
\ &oster a gro2th atmosphere by reinforcing positi"e beha"ior, making clear that you
are there to help, and encouraging the open eBchange of ideas!
\ #ro"ide opportunities for collaboration and problem sol"ing on alternati"es! Apply the
principles of balanced in:uiry and ad"ocacy, constructi"e disagreement, and idea/
building in eBploring alternati"es! Qi"e constructi"e feedback to impro"e
\ Agree on an action plan and set a follo2/up date, then keep the door open!
'ffecti"e leaders use mentoring to foster leadership skills 2ithin the organiGation!
$entoring happens 2hen an eBperienced person pro"ides guidance and support in a
"ariety of 2ays to a de"eloping employee, introducing that person to the 2orkings of the
organiGation and assisting 2ith professional de"elopment! A mentor must be 2illing to
share his or her eBpertise and not be threatened by the concept of the person=s success
2ithin the organiGation!
Inspire P moti6ate P energiBe
$anagers do things right % Leaders do the right things
They ha"e a clear "ision and the personal po2er to enact on it
"# Leadership Characteristics
Leadership in"ol"es pro"iding "ision, direction, coordination and moti"ation to2ard
achie"ing management goals: A leader is someone 2ho sets direction and influences
people to follo2 that direction!
This re:uires the ability to create an en"ironment that encourages self/disco"ery and the
testing of assumptions that may impede gro2th, change and the de"elopment of a
As 2e 2ork to increase self kno2ledge, balance in:uiry and ad"ocacy, and solicit
authentic feedback, 2e are building trust and free oursel"es and our organiGation to
embrace constructi"e change
Santa Clara >ni"ersity T Tom #eeters Qroup defined ten leadership characteristics:
4! for2ard looking
7! broad minded
;ouGes and #osner eBtended the list to +,, adding:
The >S Army defined -- leadership principles:
-! be tactically and technically proficient
+! kno2 yourself and seek self/impro"ement
4! kno2 your soldiers and look for their 2elfare
.! keep your soldiers informed
5! set the eBample
6! ensure the task is understood, super"ised and accomplished
7! train your soldiers as a team
8! make sound and simple decisions
9! de"elop a sense of responsibility in your subordinates
-,! employ your unit in accordance 2ith its capabilities
--! seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions!
;ouGes and #osner defined fi"e abilities crucial to successful leadership DThe Leadership
-! model the 2ay: lead by eBample
+! inspire a shared "ision: effecti"ely communicate imagination/capturing
4! challenge the process: think outside the boBP dare to change procedures
.! enable others to act: empo2er people to act on their o2n 2ithin their
le"el of authority
5! encourage the heart: a positi"e, passionate attitude is infectious
John *a!ell defined ," Indispensable Aualities of a Leader
-4! #ositi"e Attitude
-.! #roblem Sol"ing
The -1 *ost Important Leadership 5eha6iours are:
-! (eing a 0ole $odel for Integrity T 'thics
+! Demonstrating #assion for <our 1ork
4! Demonstrating Aptimism T #ositi"e 'nergy
.! Creating a sense of eBcitement or urgency
5! (eing a Champion for 1orkFLife (alance
6! $oti"ating T Inspiring others to take action
7! 0emaining up to date 2ith emerging issues and trends
8! Dri"ing inno"ation
9! Learning the (usiness
-,! #lanning for the future
--! 'stablishing a Zision T $ission
12. 'mphasiGing organiGational "alues
13. Setting Strategy T #riorities
-.! Creating a Culture of Customer &ocus
-5! (uilding @igh #erformance Teams
-6! Delegating T 'mpo2ering
17. &ostering commitment
18. Coaching T De"eloping Talent
19. Challenging people 2ith ne2 goals and aspirations
20. Listening and Communicating
+-! Dri"ing for 0esults
++! $anaging the efficiency of operations
+4! $anaging T '"aluating #erformance
24. '"aluating proposed pro?ects
25. $anaging CompleBity T Ambiguity
+6! $anaging <our Time
27. '"aluating 0isk
+8! Integrating conflicting perspecti"es and needs
+9! 0esol"ing Conflict
4,! Sol"ing problems
4-! Influencing Athers
4+! Influencing operational decisions
44! Collaborating Across the ArganiGation
4.! ;eeping Things in #erspecti"e D@umility T QratitudeE
45! 0epresent the organiGation
,# .he fi6e le6els of leadership
DCohn C $aB2ellE
#eople follo2 you because
-! #osition DrightsE They ha"e to
+! #ermission DrelationshipsE They 2ant to
4! #roduction DresultsE 1hat you="e done for the company
.! #eople De"elopment DreproductionE 1hat you="e done for them
5! #ersonhood DrespectE 1ho you are and 2hat you represent
@ere=s ho2 it 2orks! Influence is gained 2ith people in fi"e le"els! '"ery person 2ho
leads others has to start at the bottom le"el 2ith another person and 2ork his or her
2ay up to higher le"els one at a time!
#osition is the lo2est le"el of leadership_the entry le"el! The only influence a positional
leader has is that 2hich comes 2ith the ?ob title! #eople follo2 because they ha"e to!
#ositional leadership is based on the rights granted by the position and title! )othing is
2rong 2ith ha"ing a leadership position! '"erything is 2rong 2ith using position to get
people to follo2! #osition is a poor substitute for influence!
#eople 2ho make it only to Le"el - may be bosses, but they are ne"er leaders! They
ha"e subordinates, not team members! They rely on rules, regulations, policies and
organiGational charts to control their people! Their people 2ill only follo2 them 2ithin the
stated boundaries of their authority! And their people 2ill usually do only 2hat is
re:uired of them! 1hen positional leaders ask for eBtra effort or time, they rarely get it!
#ositional leaders usually ha"e difficulty 2orking 2ith "olunteers, younger people and
the highly educated! 1hy3 (ecause positional leaders ha"e no influence, and these types
of people tend to be more independent!
#osition is the only le"el that does not re:uire ability and effort to achie"e! Anyone can
be appointed to a position!
Le"el + is based entirely on relationships! An the permission le"el, people follo2 because
they 2ant to! 1hen you like people and treat them like indi"iduals 2ho ha"e "alue, you
begin to de"elop influence 2ith them! <ou de"elop trust! The en"ironment becomes
much more positi"e_2hether at home, on the ?ob, at play or 2hile "olunteering!
The agenda for leaders on Le"el + isn=t preser"ing their position! It=s getting to kno2
their people and figuring out ho2 to get along 2ith them! Leaders find out 2ho their
people are! &ollo2ers find out 2ho their leaders are! #eople build solid, lasting
<ou can like people 2ithout leading them, but you cannot lead people 2ell 2ithout liking
them! That=s 2hat Le"el + is about!
Ane of the dangers of getting to the permission le"el is that a leader 2ill stop there! (ut
good leaders don=t ?ust create a pleasant 2orking en"ironment! They get things doneS
That=s 2hy they must mo"e up to Le"el 4, 2hich is based on results! An the production
le"el leaders gain influence and credibility, and people begin to follo2 them because of
2hat they ha"e done for the organiGation!
$any positi"e things begin happening 2hen leaders get to Le"el 4! 1ork gets done,
morale impro"es, profits go up, turno"er goes do2n and goals are achie"ed! It is also on
Le"el 4 that momentum kicks in!
Leading and influencing others becomes fun on this le"el! Success and producti"ity ha"e
been kno2n to sol"e a lot of problems!
Le6el /R(eople De6elopment
Leaders become great not because of their po2er, but because of their ability to
empo2er others! That is 2hat leaders do on Le"el .! They use their position,
relationships and producti"ity to in"est in their follo2ers and de"elop them until those
follo2ers become leaders in their o2n right! The result is reproductionP Le"el . leaders
#roduction may 2in games, but people de"elopment 2ins championships! T2o things
al2ays happen on Le"el .! &irst, team2ork goes to a "ery high le"el! 1hy3 (ecause the
high in"estment in people deepens relationships, helps people to kno2 one another
better and strengthens loyalty! Second, performance increases! 1hy3 (ecause there are
more leaders on the team, and they help to impro"e e"erybody=s performance!
Le"el . leaders change the li"es of the people they lead! Accordingly, their people follo2
them because of 2hat their leaders ha"e done for them personally! And their
relationships are often lifelong!
The highest and most difficult le"el of leadership is the pinnacle! 1hile most people can
learn to climb to Le"els - through ., Le"el 5 re:uires not only effort, skill and
intentionality, but also a high le"el of talent! Anly naturally gifted leaders e"er make it to
this highest le"el! 1hat do leaders do on Le"el 53 They de"elop people to become Le"el
De"eloping leaders to the point 2here they are able and 2illing to de"elop other leaders
is the most difficult leadership task of all! (ut here are the payoffs: Le"el 5 leaders
de"elop Le"el 5 organiGations! They create opportunities that other leaders don=t! They
create legacy in 2hat they do! #eople follo2 them because of 2ho they are and 2hat
they represent! In other 2ords, their leadership gains a positi"e reputation! As a result,
Le"el 5 leaders often transcend their position, their organiGation and sometimes their
-# .he "8 leadership principles
Dadapted from Cohn C $aB2ellE
-! Create positi"e influence 'stablish a supporting re2ard system
+! Set the right priorities
4! $odel integrity acting as a positi"e role model: MDo as I say A)D
as I doN: actions and 2ords confirm, support and
clarify each other! Target persons are more apt to
follo2 leaders they respect!
.! Create positi"e change Imposing a ne2 approach
5! @a"ing eBpert kno2ledge on a topic of importance
6! Sol"e problems
7! @a"e the right positi"e attitude / (eing a team playerP #itching in to help
8! Chart the "ision
9! #ractice self discipline
-,! De"elop staff sponsor ne2 training and de"elopment
/# .he ," Irrefutable Las of Leadership
"# .he La of the Lid
<our leadership ability creates a lid on your effecti"eness! <ou cannot be more effecti"e
than the le"el of your leadership 2ill allo2!
,# .he La of Influence
Leadership K Influence! It is as simple as that! The person 2ho has the most influence in
an organiGation is the true leader, 2hether his title says that or not!
-# .he La of (rocess
(ecoming a good leader is a process! It is much like in"esting, if you eBpect to get rich
:uick you are going to fail! If you think you can ?ust be a great leader tomorro2 because
you 2ant to, think again! <ou ha"e to 2ork at it for a long period of time!
/# .he La of $a6igation
The la2 of na"igation comes do2n to this simple acrostic / #LA) A@'ADP
#redetermine a Course of Action
Lay Aut <our Qoals
Ad?ust <our #riorities
)otify ;ey #ersonnel
Allo2 Time for Acceptance
@ead into Action
Al2ays #oint to the Successes
Daily 0e"ie2 <our #lan
1# .he La of '#%# :utton
1hen the real leader speaks, people listen! The person in the leadership position has to
realiGe that someone else may be the real leader!
2# .he La of Solid ;round
)o leader can break trust 2ith his people and eBpect to keep influencing them! Trust is
the foundation of leadership! Ziolate the La2 of Solid Qround, and you=re through as a
3# .he La of Respect
&ollo2ers are attracted to better leaders than themsel"es! An a scale from -/-,, an 8
isn=t normally going to follo2 a 6! @e is generally going to seek out a 9 or a -,!
4# .he La of Intuition
Leaders read their situation, read trends, and read their resources!
Situation / Leaders capture details that others don=t see! They kno2 ho2 figure out 2hat
is going on by reading their surroundings!
Trends / Things happen in the conteBt of a bigger picture! Leaders can see 2here they
are and 2here they are headed!
0esources / Successful indi"iduals think in terms of 2hat they can do! Successful leaders
see things in terms of their resources and use the best tool for their ?ob!
7# .he La of *agnetism
<ou 2ill only be able to attract people 2ho are like yourself!
"8# .he La of Connection
<ou ha"e to make a connection 2ith a person before you can ask them for the help you
""# .he La of the Inner Circle
'"ery leader=s potential is determined by the people that are closest to him! A good
leader 2ith a 2eak organiGation 2on=t be able to accomplish as much as he other2ise
",# .he La of 'mpoerment
Leaders ha"e to be able to gi"e po2er to others so that they 2ill be able to achie"e more
than they could alone!
"-# .he La of Reproduction
It takes a leader to make a leader! $any great leaders ha"e gotten to 2here they are
because they learned from the best!
"/# .he La of 5uyNIn
If your follo2ers buy/in to you as a leader, they 2ill buy/in to your "ision as 2ell!
"1# .he La of Gictory
Zictorious leaders ha"e an inability to accept defeat! They put 2inning abo"e personal
pride and find a 2ay to get the ?ob done!
"2# .he La of the 5ig *o
It takes a leader to create momentum, but after it gets going it=s much easier to steer
and accomplish great things!
"3# the La of (riorities
Acti"ities aren=t al2ays producti"e! Doing something ?ust for the sake of doing 2on=t take
you "ery far! Leaders are able to prioritiGe the most important things that need
"4# .he La of Sacrifice
0esponsibilities increase and rights decrease as you rise in leadership! <ou ha"e to
accept sacrifice if you 2ant to become a great leader!
"7# .he La of .iming
Anly the right action at the right time 2ill result in success! A good leader 2ill not only
kno2 2hat to do but 2hen to do it!
,8# .he La of '!plosi6e ;roth
To add gro2th, lead follo2ers! To multiply gro2th, lead leaders! If you 2ant eBplosi"e
gro2th you ha"e to bring leaders into your organiGation that can get others to follo2
,"# .he La of Legacy
Qood leaders are able to ha"e success e"en after they mo"e on because of they legacy
they lea"e! They build strong organiGations and they train effecti"e leaders that are able
to take the o"er the reins after they lea"e!
0ight no2 there are not many good leaders in 1ashington! 1e are desperate for a great
leader and unfortunately there aren=t many in sight! Let me kno2 if you see anybody on
the horiGon 2ith these :ualities!
1# .he sources of poer
D&rench and 0a"en, -959E
-! Legitimate or position po2er
+! 0e2ard po2er pay raise, bonus, promotion, fa"ourable 2ork
assignments, more responsibility, ne2 e:uipment,
4! Coerci"e po2er threat, promise
-! 'Bpert recogniGed kno2ledge, skills and abilities,
by a trust2orthy, credible and rele"ant po2er
+! 0eferent po2er like, admire, recogniGe, respect , trust
'mpo2erment DDiane TracyE
4! Qi"ing po2er to others Achie"e ultimate po2er by gi"ing it to the people
2ho 2ork for you!
"8 steps to 'mpoerment
-! Tell people 2hat their responsibilities are
+! Qi"e them authority e:ual to the responsibility assigned
4! Set standards of eBcellence
.! #ro"ide them 2ith the needed training
5! Qi"e them kno2ledge and information
6! #ro"ide them 2ith feedback on their performance
7! 0ecogniGe them for their achie"ements
8! Trust them
9! Qi"e them permission to fail
-,! Treat them 2ith dignity and respect
'mpo2erment in"ol"es a combination of meaningful 2ork, high self efficacy, self/
determination and ability to influence rele"ant e"ents! &ollo2ers are more likely to be
effecti"e if they "ie2 themsel"es as acti"e and independent from the leader!
2# &se and 'ffecti6eness of
;ipnis, Schmidt T 1ilkinson D-98,E generated an instrument to measure the fre:uency
2ith 2hich specific influence strategies are used by "arious people 2ithin organiGations
Dthe #AIS or #rofile of ArganiGational Influence StrategiesE
.hey identified to types of strategies
"# :ard .actics Klisted in order of fre0uencyM:
-! Legitimating: The agent seeks to establish the legitimacy of a re:uest or
to "erify that he has the authority to make it!
@e says that a re:uest or proposal is consistent 2ith a
prior agreement or contract!
+! Coalitions: The agent enlists the aid of others or uses the support of
others as a 2ay to influence the target person to do
@e gets others to eBplain 2hy they support a proposed
acti"ity or change that they 2ant you to support or help
4! #ressure: The agent uses demands, threats, fre:uent checking, or
persistent reminders to influence the target person!
@e tries to pressure you to carry out a re:uest!
,# Soft .actics Klisted in order of fre0uencyM:
-! Ingratiation The agent uses praise and flattery before or during an
attempt to influence!
@e praises your skill or kno2ledge 2hen asking to do
+! 'Bchange The agent offers something the target person 2ants,
or offers to reciprocate at a later time if the target 2ill
do as re:uested!
@e offers to do something for you in eBchange for
carrying out a re:uest or bargains 2ith you!
+! Inspirational Appeals Appeals to the target person=s "alues and ideals or
seeks to arouse the target=s emotions to gain
@e describes a clear, inspiring "ision of 2hat a proposed
pro?ect or change could accomplish!
.! #ersonal Appeals The agent asks for support out of friendship or asks for
a personal fa"our before telling 2hat it is!
@e asks you as a friend to do a fa"our for him!
.! Consultation The agent asks the target person to suggest
impro"ements or help plan a proposed acti"ity or change
for 2hich the target person=s support is desired!
@e in"ites you to suggest 2ays to impro"e a preliminary
plan or proposal that he 2ants 2ant you to support or help
6! 0ational #ersuasion @et eBplains clearly 2hy a re:uest or proposed change is
necessary to attain a task ob?ecti"e! @e uses logical
arguments and factual e"idence to sho2 that a re:uest or
proposal is feasible and rele"ant or important for the task
The soft tactics are di"ided in t2o groups:
aF tactics that promote a shared "ision: rational persuasion, consultation and
bF tactics that promote social eBchange: ingratiation, personal appeals and eBchange!
The most effecti"e hard techni:ues are:
-! #ressure, / +! Coalitions / 4! Legitimating
The most effecti"e soft techni:ues are:
-! 0ational persuasion, / +! Inspirational appeals / 4! Consultation
)ther techni0ues are:
(latantly -! $achia"ellianism 0uthless manipulation
>nethical +! Mgentle manipulationN &aking beha"iour, lying
4! >ndue pressure e!g! using re2ards as bribes
in disguise, threatening DI might VE
5! Ingratiation &lattery
Slightly 6! Coking and kidding
>nethical 7! >p2ard appeal Qetting someone from abo"e
to do the influencing Dalso
kno2n as bullyingE
(ossible Influence outcomes are:
3# Se6en :abits of :ighly 'ffecti6e (eople
Stephen Co6ey+s Influencing (aradigm
In Stephen Co"ey=s Se"en @abits of @ighly 'ffecti"e #eople he 2rites about t2o circles
2hich contain our li"es, the Circle of Concern and the Circle of Influence!
Circle of Concern _ encompassing all the things 2e care aboutP ranges from our
personal concerns Dhealth, career, relationships, etc!E to our global concerns Dglobal
2arming, 2ar, recession, etc!E
Circle of Influence _ includes the things 2e ha"e the po2er to affectP this circle is
smaller than the Circle of Concern! The book goes on to sho2 its readers ho2 to be
proacti"e and affect change by focusing their energies in their Circle of Influence!
.he problems ith Co6ey+s Circles of Concern and Influence
1e undercut our po2er and mistakenly place things outside our Circle of Influence
MThe problems all of us face fall in one of three areas: direct control Dproblems in"ol"ing
our o2n beha"iorEP indirect control Dproblems in"ol"ing other people=s beha"iorEP or no
control Dproblems 2e can do nothing about, such as our past, or situational realitiesE!N
Y Stephen 0! Co"ey
1e ha"e the tendency to underestimate our capacity to influence life, effecti"ely placing
things in our Circle of Concern rather than in our Circle of Influence! &or instance,
because 2e can=t Dmost likelyE sol"e global 2arming indi"idually, 2e may abdicate the
po2er 2e do ha"e saying, MThat=s too big of a problem! I=m ?ust one person! I can=t
change it!N The truth, ho2e"er, is that 2e can take action that does affect global
2arming, e"en if it doesn=t eliminate it! )otice 2here you=re
unconsciously gi"ing up your po2er to affect change by lumping issues into that place
Mout thereN 2here you think you ha"e no control! Then choose to take 2hate"er actions
you can to use your po2er as effecti"ely as possible!
1e fail to focus more intentionally e"en 2ithin our Circle of Influence MThe proacti"e
approach is to change from the inside/outP to be different, and by being different to
effect positi"e change in 2hat=s out there _ I can be more resourceful, I can be more
diligent, I can be a more creati"e, I can be more cooperati"e!N
Y Stephen 0! Co"ey
The challenge in the Circle of Influence is to focus our energies, efforts, and po2er for
the greatest effect! '"en 2hen 2e admit that 2e ha"e more potential to influence life,
that potential can go unfulfilled 2hen 2e don=t concentrate sufficiently! Co"ey 2rites, MAt
the "ery heart of our Circle of Influence is our ability
to make and keep commitments and promises!N
I agree! In fact, I see a third circle that mo"es as your focus changes! This Circle of
Commitment represents the area 2ithin your Circle of Influence 2here you are
intentionally putting your time and energy D2hether you do so for -, minutes or the
neBt yearE! This circle symboliGes the difference bet2een the statements MI canN and MI
2ill!N 1e each McanN do many things, yet only 2hen 2e focus M2illN 2e accomplish 2hat
2e en"ision! )otice 2here you are not fully committing to the things you can do! $ake
conscious choices to follo2 though on your desires 2ith action!
.he 3 :abits of :ighly 'ffecti6e (eople
Co6ey, Stephen R# $e @ork: Simon and Shuster, "747#
5ook $otes by 5rian :ofmeister
(art ": (aradigms and (rinciples
Chapter ": InsideN)ut
• Too often 2e focus on fiBing our personality, but not our character! 1e figure out
ho2 2e must act to accomplish 2hat 2e desire yet 2e are neglect the fact that a
changed 'eing produces the same actions and is actually fulfilling instead of fake!
MIn reaping for so long 2here 2e ha"e not so2n, perhaps 2e ha"e forgotten the
need to so2 D+-E!N 0elying on positions, titles, fake smiles, and shallo2
con"ersations is Mborro2ingN po2er from a source that is not true, or if true, may
be fleeting! Li"e a life that 2orks from the insideNout, not "ise "ersa
• MAur paradigms, correct or incorrect, are the sources of our attitudes and
beha"iors, and ultimately our relationships 2ith others D4,E!N T2o people can
clearly see the same thing and entirely disagree due to their different paradigms
Dthe 2ay you see somethingP your frame of referenceE! To fiB problems, try to
eBamine you paradigm and ho2 it influences your approach to the situationP
propose an alternati"e paradigm you could take! See pages .-/.+ for illustrations
and eBamples! 'Bamining the paradigms of others may also help you relate!
• Integrating InsideNout and (aradigms: 'Bamining you paradigms helps you
eBamine self, subse:uently impro"e self and therefore ha"e a positi"e impact 2ith
• Auotes: Thoreau: &or e"ery thousand hacking at the lea"es of e"il, there is on
striking at the root! D4-E
Chapter ,: Se6en :abits )6er6ie
• <ou must ha"e personal "ictories before you 2ill ha"e public "ictories
• :abits in"ol"e three essentials: knowledge D2hat to do and 2hy to do itE, skills
Dability toE, and desire D2ant toE! Like a space shuttle, habits take a lot to get off
the ground, but you get a lot of easy mileage 2hen in orbit!
• *aturity Cycle: dependence to independence to interdependence
• *aintain a (H(C 5alance! # is production and #C is production capability! 1e
cannot go so aggressi"ely for production that 2e abuse the physical, financial, and
human sources of our production capability!
(art ,: (ri6ate Gictory
Chapter -: :abit ", 5e (roacti6e
• Correcting (a6lo6+s Theory: (et2een e"ery stimulus and response lies our
choice# MAur beha"ior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions! 1e can
subordinate feelings to "alues D7-E!N
• (roacti6ity: 0ather than moaning about 2hat has happened to us, choose ho2
you 2ant it to affect you! Any time 2e think the problem is Mout there,N that is
the problem D89E! 1e must learn that humans are responsible and are therefore
response/able! I must ackno2ledge that I am 2here I am because of me!
• Circle of Concern and Influence: If you focus on
your circle of influence, you impro"e 2hat you can,
and e"entually your success 2ill increase your Circle of
Influence! If you focus on the Circle of Concern, you only d2ell on that 2hich you
cannot change and e"entually decrease your Circle of Influence!
The point is that you can al2ays do somethingP therefore focus on 2hat you can
address and be at peace 2ith you cannot!
• 1e are free to choose actions, but not conse0uences! Do 2hat you can to bring
about change and do not beat yourself up o"er the response or lack thereof!
Chapter /: :abit ,, 5egin ith the 'nd in *ind
• @abit - taught us that 2e can 2rite our o2n script, @abit + is 2riting it! This is
not a step of Mgetting it done,N this is a step of clearly articulating 2hat you 2ant
to end up 2ith! If you do not right your o2n script, someone else 2ill %your
dependence on others, need for lo"e or acceptance, need for a sense of 2orth or
belonging 2ill enable others to control the direction of your life!
• &amiliariGe yourself 2ith your principles and "alues %these 2ill ne"er change!
o Consider 2hat you 2ould 2ant said at your funeral by family, friend, co/
2orker, and church member!
o M#eople can=t li"e 2ith change if there=s not a changeless core inside them!
The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of 2ho you are, 2hat
you are about and 2hat you "alue D-,8E!N
• A"oid the acti"ity trap: 2e often 2ork harder, do more, and maBimiGe efficiency
only to climb a ladder that 2e later realiGe 2as leaned up against the 2rong 2all!
Aur hyper acti"ity blinded us to the things that 2e "alue most, the things that are
no2 gone D98/99E!
• Write a mission statement of hat you ant to be and do based upon
• @a"ing a McenterN to 2ho you are
o <our center is your principles and "alues miBed 2ith your mission!
o Zarying circumstances do not affect your center!
o $aking family, 2ork, church, self, or money your eBclusi"e center 2ill result
in lopsided decisions! See page -+6/-+7 for an eBample, page --9/-+- for
an eBplanation of each false center, and page -+. for 2hat it means to be
centered on your principles
o <our center has four parts
Security: Assured of 2ho you are
• Spiritual Application %)01IST%S LI#8 8@)07598" #&1 $&(1S
• Changing circumstances do not affect your identity
• <ou stand confidently for your principles
Wisdom: #roperly assess the 2orld around you
• Spiritual Application HP17$81, SPI1IT(7L /7TTL8S T7II59
• <ou discern 2hat the outcome 2ill be of surrounding trends
and feel no obligation to ?oin them!
• <ou are continually learning!
• <ou proacti"ely 2ork 2ithin your sphere of influence
;uidance: An approach to life
• Spiritual Application %S)1IPT(18
• <ou ha"e discerned ho2 to get to 2here you are going
• <ou stand on truth and are not intimidated by others
• <ou make 2ell pondered proacti"e decisions rather than being
tossed about by the emotions of the situation
(oer: The ability to act
• Spiritual Application %0&L$ SPI1IT
• <ou do 2hat you set out to do regardless of "arying responses
• <ou 2ork 2ithin an interdependent net2ork
• Apply your mission statement to your different roles in life! 1hat does Mhonoring
Qod abo"e all elseN translate into you in"ol"ements as a husband, son, brother,
• ZisualiGation and Affirmation
o GisualiBe your in"ol"ements before you are in them!
o Affirm a positi"e picture of 2hat you 2ill do and be, especially in
anticipation of difficult circumstances that tend to s2ay you!
• &amily and ArganiGational Application: The indi"idual principles abo"e can be
used at a corporate le6el, yet al2ays keep in mind that they must be deeply
involved in the mission statement if they are to be committed!
• Ruotes: 1arren (ennis M$anagement is doing things rightP leadership is doing the
right things!N D-,-E
Chapter 1: :abit -, (ut %irst .hings %irst
• @abit - says, M<ou=re the programmer, @abit + says, M2rite the program,N @abit 4
says, M0un the #rogram!N @abit 4 is all about organiGing and eBecuting priorities!
• 1hat one thing could you do that 2ould most impro"e your personal or
professional life3 <ou probably named a Ruadrant II acti"ity, thus sho2ing the
"alue of focusing your life on Ruadrant II acti"ities!
>rgent )ot >rgent
• Setting a Auadrant II %ocus# Do not attend to lea"es and neglect roots!
&eed opportunities and star"e problems! 'liminate Ruadrant III and IZ
acti"ities immediately, and slo2ly minimiGe :uadrant I! <ou are al2ays going
to ha"e to say MnoN to somethingP 2ouldn=t you rather say no to the MgoodN
rather than the Mbest3N
• )eeds of a Auadrant II )rganiBation .ool
o Coherence: 1hat you do matches 2hat you most 2ant to be! <our mission
statement is placed in your organiGer so that it may be regularly referred to
and li"ed out!
o (alance: Success is pursued in all critical areas! It does you little good to
achie"e a successful business career 2hile suffering a broken marriage,
ruined health, shallo2 faith, and 2eak character!
o Ruadrant II &ocus: Schedule your priorities rather than prioritiGing 2hat is
on your schedule! 1eekly schedule accomplish this more readily than daily
o #eople Dimension: $ost agree that people are more important than tasks
and therefore this must be factored into your schedule!
o &leBibility: $ake the organiGer 2ork for youP do not be run by it!
o #ortability: <our organiGer must tra"el 2ell!
• Auadrant II Acti6ities
o Identify 0oles DeB: father, employee, church member, etcVE
o Select Qoals: 'ach 2eek, set +/4 important goals for each of your roles!
$ake 2eekly goals consistent 2ith your o"erall missionFlong/term goals!
o Scheduling: Assign each goal to a particular day or appointment!
o Daily Adapting: 0e"ie2 goals at the beginning of the day to gain
• Steardship Delegation
o <ou get more done if you empo2er others to 2ork 2ithFfor you!
o )eeded Communication for Steardship Delegation
Desired 0esults: Create a clear, mutual understanding of 2hat the
desired results 2ill look like! Tell them 2hat, not ho2!
• Set parameters of unacceptable approaches
• Tell them 2hat has failed before
• 0emember to only tell them 2hat not to do, not 2hat to do!
0esources: 'Bplain human, financial, technical, and organiGational
tools at their disposal!
Accountability: 'stablish criteria from 2hich the outcome 2ill be
e"aluated and ho2 often progress 2ill be e"aluated!
Conse:uences: 'Bplain the re2ards and punishments that 2ill result
MTrust is the highest form of human moti"ation,N D-78E!
'stablishing appropriate amounts of trust
• &or Immature #eople: Specify fe2 desired results and more
guidelines, resources, fre:uent accountability, and immediate
• &or $ature #eople: Specify more challenging desired resultsP
less guidelines and fre:uent accountabilityP less measurable
but more discernable conse:uences!
.rust is created through beha6ioral integrity:
- 2alk the talk and talk the 2alk: do 2hat you say
- communicate honestly
- respect another=s kno2ledge, skills and abilities
- maintain confidentiality
- keep your interactions unguarded
A high trust en6ironment creates commitment and loyalty
An indi"idual=s decision to trust a specific person, and the degree of trust that they place
in that person, are influenced by many factors, including:
- history and eBperience 2ith that person
- ho2 much risk is in"ol"ed, or the potential for negati"e conse:uences
- the person=s relati"e po2er and authority
- the organiGational en"ironment
.rust reducing beha6iors are:
- distorting, concealing or 2ithholding moti"es
- falsifying rele"ant information
- attempting to control or dominate
- not discussing or meeting others= eBpectations of performance
- accepting credit for other people=s 2ork
- not honoring commitment
:o to restore a breach in trust=
Ackno2ledge that trust has been broken! Ackno2ledging that there is a problem is the
first step to healing! Don=t use the MostrichN techni:ue of burying your head in the sand
and hoping the situation 2ill resol"e itself because it 2on=t! The longer you 2ait to
address the situation, the more people 2ill percei"e your 2eakness as 2ickedness!
Admit your role in causing the breach of trust! &or some leaders this may be a
challenging step! It=s one thing to ackno2ledge that there is a problem, it=s a 2hole
other thing to admit you caused it! Aur ego and false pride are usually 2hat pre"ent us
from admitting our mistakes! $uster up the courage, humble yourself, and o2n up to
your actions! This 2ill pay huge di"idends do2n the road as you 2ork to rebuild trust!
ApologiGe for 2hat happened! A sincere apology in"ol"es admitting your mistake,
accepting responsibility, asking for forgi"eness, and taking steps to make amends to the
offended party! 'Bplaining the reasons 2hy something happened is fine, but don=t make
eBcuses by trying to shift the blame to something or someone other than yourself!
Assess 2here the breakdo2n in trust happened! Did you erode trust by not being Able,
(elie"able, Connected, or Dependable3 #eople form perceptions of our trust2orthiness
2hen 2e use, or don=t use, beha"iors that align 2ith these four elements of trust!
;no2ing the specific element of trust you "iolated 2ill help you take specific actions to
fiB the problem!
Amend the situation by taking correcti"e action to repair any damage that has been
done, and create an action plan for ho2 you=ll impro"e in the future! <our attempts at
rebuilding trust 2ill be stalled unless you take this critical step to demonstrate noticeable
changes in beha"ior!
<ou can=t control the outcome of this process and there is no guarantee that follo2ing
these steps 2ill restore trust in the relationship! @o2e"er, the important thing is that
you ha"e made the effort to impro"e yourself as a leader!
- (art -: (ublic Gictory
Chapter 2: (aradigms of Interdependence
• The Co"ey concept of M'motional (ank AccountsN teaches that you must make
significant deposits in a person before you can eBpect significant 2ithdra2als!
• There are siB 2ays to make deposits:
o 'fforts to >nderstand #eople
o Small acts of kindness and concern
o ;eeping commitments
o Clarifying 'Bpectations
o Sho2ing #ersonal Integrity %MIt=s ho2 you treat the one that re"eals ho2
you regard the ninety/nine, because e"eryone is ultimately a one,N D-97E!
o Sincere Apologies
Chapter 3: :abit /, .hink WinHWin
• SiB #aradigms of human interaction:
o 1inF1in % Collaborate
o 1inFLose K Compete
o LoseF1in K Accommodate
o LoseFLose K A"oid
o 1inF1in or )o Deal
• All siB may be appropriate according to "arying circumstances but M1inF1in or )o
DealN should be the dominant paradigm!
• M1inF1in or )o DealN
o $eans that if 2e cannot find a solution that 2ould benefit both of us, 2e
agree to disagree agreeably!
o It is built on the MAbundance $entalityN /there is plenty out there for
e"erybody! 'nough personal 2orth and security eBists to share authority,
recognition, and profits! <ou are comfortable 2ith and desire to share
• 1inF1in in $anagement settings
o ArganiGations and indi"iduals profit most 2hen appropriate responsibility
and freedom is gi"en to indi"iduals!
o &ocus is on results, not methods
o Accountability comes from people e"aluating themsel"es!
o 'stablish conse:uences
• &inancial Dincome, allo2ances, etcVE
• #sychic Dappro"al, respect, etcVE %usually more moti"ating than
• Apportunity Dtraining, benefits, etcVE
• 0esponsibility Dshift of authority domainE
o MIf you talk 1inF1in but re2ard 1inFLose you="e got a losing program on
your hands,N D++9E!
o #rocess for creating a 1inF1in organiGation:
• >nderstand the problem from the other "ie2
• Identify the key issues and concerns Dnot positionsE
• Determine 2hat results 2ould constitute and acceptable solution
• Identify options to achie"e the desired results
Chapter 4: :abit 1, Seek %irst to &nderstand, .hen to 5e &nderstood
• M>nless you are influenced by my uni:ueness, I=m not going to be influenced by
your ad"ice D+49E!N Too often 2e proscribe before gaining enough understanding
• 'ffecti"e communication
o 0ephrase their content and reflect their feelings! <ou must sho2 you
caught their emotion and their 2ords! >nderstand people emotionallyS
o 'thos, #athos, Logos Se:uence: Communication starts 2ith your credibility,
grasps the other=s concernsF2ants, and then gi"es a logical response that
addresses those concerns!
o 'ffecti"e business transactions often come do2n to communicating an
understanding of the other=s needs and then honestly eBplaining to 2hat
eBtent you can meet those needs!
Chapter 7: :abit 2, SynergiBe
• -]-K4 or .! Co"ey=s MsynergyN philosophy teaches that t2o people, perspecti"es,
or thoughts can be pooled together to create something entirely different and
notably better than the summation of indi"iduality! This is essentially the
(uddhist teach on the Mmiddle 2ayN % middle is not the compromise, but the
higher point bet2een the t2o, for eBample the apeB of a triangle!
• Aur ability to SynergiGe comes do2n to ho2 2e proportionately "alue one thought
"s! another! If you are eBtremely confident in your ability to make proper
assessments and plans, you 2ill not sense a need for help from e"eryone else that
is Moff trackN and therefore 2ill not synergiGe! &or Synergy to happen 2e must
belie"e that another person is eBtremely "aluable in 2orking 2ith us to create
success in that they represent eBperiences and perspecti"es that I 2ill ne"er be
able to take into account all on my o2n!
• Do not press your mold on another, do not accept another=s mold for yourselfP
2ork 2ith them to create a ne2 mold superior to either!
(art /: Reneal
Chapter "8: :abit 3, Sharpen the Sa
#re"ious chapters taught that 2e must monitor the health of that 2hich creates our
Mproduction capabilityN if 2e 2ant to Mproduce!N This chapter focuses on taking care of
oursel"es as the highest source of Mproduction capability!N
• #hysically: 'Bercise, )utrition, $anage stress
• Spiritually: Take retreats to -E Listen carefully, +E Try reaching back, 4E 'Bamine
your moti"es, .E 1rite your 2orries on the sand! #rayer and $editation
• $entally: Aur minds 2ere sharpest in college! 1e 2ould do 2ell to maintain
mental eBcellence through reading, 2riting, planning, and "isualiGing!
• 'motionally: Ser"e, 'mpathiGe, SynergiGe, De"elop Intrinsic Security!
MTreat a man as he is and he 2ill remain as he is! Treat a man as he can and should be
and he 2ill become as he can and should be!N % Qoethe
Chapter "": InsideN)ut Again
Co"ey closes 2ith personal lessons of ho2 he and his 2ife came together in greater unity
as they con"ersationally eBposed personal scripting and did not intimidate the other by
4# Leadership Styles:
"# Situational Leadership
D@ersey and (lanchardE
The Situational Leadership $odel de"eloped by @ersey and (lanchard addresses four
types of leadership styles, based on the follo2er:
<our leadership style is ho2 you beha"e 2hen you are trying to influence the
performance of others! It is the 2ay you super"ise or 2ork 2ith someone!
There are four leadership styles Dbut there is no one best leadership styleE:
-! Directing: T'LL follo2ers unable, un2illing, not confident!
leader dri"en and task oriented leading
Clear instructions ] close follo2 up
+! Coaching: S'LL follo2ers unable, 2illing, confident
leader dri"en and task ] relationship oriented
Suggest instructions, eBplain decisions, pro"ide
opportunity for clarification ] follo2 up
listen, offer ad"ice, suggest
4! Supporting #A0TICI#AT' follo2ers able, un2illing, not confident
follo2er dri"enP 2orking together
less task oriented, "ery relation focused
Share ideas, some follo2 up
.! Delegating D'L'QAT' follo2ers able, 2illing and confident
lo2 focus on tasks and on relationship
turn o"er decisions, minimal follo2 up,
Directing Style is for people 2ho lack competence but are enthusiastic and
committed! They need direction and super"ision to get started!
Coaching Style is for people 2ho ha"e some competence but lack commitment! They
need direction, inspiration, and super"ision because they are still relati"ely
ineBperienced! They also need support and praise to build their self/esteem, and
in"ol"ement in decision/making to restore their commitment!
Supporting Style is for people 2ho ha"e competence, but lack confidence or
moti"ation! They do not need much direction because of their skills, but support is
necessary to bolster their confidence and moti"ation!
Delegating Style is for people 2ho ha"e both competence and commitment! They are
able and 2illing to 2ork on pro?ects! They ?ust need inspiration from the leader!
Depending on your employeesJ competences in their task areas and commitment to
them, your leadership style may "ary from one person to another! <ou may also lead
the same person one 2ay sometimes and another 2ay at other times! >se a "ariety of
leadership styles in directing and supporting the 2ork of others and make them a
second nature to you in your roles as a manager and as a parent!
,# William Reddin+s -Nd .heory of *anagerial 'ffecti6eness
0esearch on Leadership style models are usually based on orientation bet2een Task
beha"ior T @uman 0elationship beha"ior!
(asically, kno2ing these leadership styles helps us in adopting them in different
situations! Though there could be one predominant leadership style as a 2hole for a
person, heFshe cannot ?ust stick on to a particular leadership style al2ays! S2itching
bet2een the leadership styles is necessary in different pro?ect management situations to
Like @ersey T (lanchard Situational Leadership model, 1illiam 0eddin introduced a
model of leadership style containing four basic types, namely:
"# 0igh relationship orientation J high task orientation, called I$.';RA.'D .@('#
,# 0igh relationship orientation J low task orientation, called R'LA.'D .@('#
-# Low relationship orientation J high task orientation, called D'DICA.'D .@('#
/# Low relationship orientation J low task orientation, called S'(ARA.'D .@('!
&urther, by measuring the le"el of effecti"eness of each style 0eddin de"eloped this
basic model into eight leadership styles! The modified model is called ,The -.D Theory
o/ 0anageria1 E//e2ti+eness.3
The table belo2 sho2s the Less 'ffecti"e T $ore 'ffecti"e Leadership styles in each basic
types! 1e can also apply the @T( Situational Leadership styles DTelling, Selling,
&acilitating T DelegatingE to 0eddin 4D Theory model!
Less 'ffecti6e 5asic types *ore 'ffecti6e
Deserter S'#A0AT'D (ureaucratic
$issionary 0'LAT'D De"eloper
Autocratic D'DICAT'D (ene"olent Autocratic
Compromiser I)T'Q0AT'D 'Becuti"e
S'(ARA.'D 5ASIC .@('S
L'SS '&&'CTIZ' L'AD'0S@I# ST<L'!
This is essentially a hand/off or laisser/faire approach : a"oidance of any in"ol"ement or
inter"ention 2hich 2ould upset the statusP assuming a neutral attitude to2ard 2hat is
going on during the dayP looking the other 2ay to a"oid enforcing rulesP keeping out of
the 2ay of both super"isors and subordinatesP a"oidance of change and planning! The
acti"ities undertaken Dor initiatedE by managers 2ho use this approach tend to be
defensi"e in nature! #eople 2ho achie"e high scores may be ad"erse to managerial tasks
or may ha"e begun to lose interest in such tasks! This does not necessarily mean they
are bad managersP they ?ust try to maintain the status :uo and a"oid Mrocking the boatN!
$A0' '&&'CTIZ' L'AD'0S@I# ST<L'
This is a legalistic and procedural approach: adherence to rules and proceduresP
acceptance of hierarchy of authorityP preference of formal channels of communication!
@igh scorers tend to be systematic! They function at their best in 2ell structured
situations 2here policies are clear, roles are 2ell defined and criteria of performance are
ob?ecti"e and uni"ersally applied! (ecause they insist on rational systems, these
managers may be seen as autocratic, rigid or fussy! (ecause of their dependence on
rules and procedures, they are hardly distinguished from autocratic managers!
R'LA.'D 5ASIC .@('S
L'SS '&&'CTIZ' L'AD'0S@I# ST<L'!
This is an affecti"e Dsupporti"eE approach! It emphasiGes congeniality and positi"e
climate in the 2ork place! @igh scorers are sensiti"e to subordinates= personal needs and
concerns! They try to keep people happy by gi"ing the most they can! Supporti"e
beha"ior represents the positi"e component of this style! It has, ho2e"er, a defensi"e
counterpart! They may a"oid or smooth o"er conflict, feel uncomfortable enforcing
controls and find difficulty denying re:uests or making candid appraisals!
$A0' '&&'CTIZ' L'AD'0S@I# ST<L'
This is the ob?ecti"e counterpart of the missionary style! Ab?ecti"e in a sense that
concern for people is eBpressed professionally: subordinates are allo2ed to participate in
decision making and are gi"en opportunities to eBpress their "ie2s and to de"elop their
potential! Their contribution is recogniGed and attention is gi"en to their de"elopment!
@igh scorers are likely to ha"e optimistic beliefs about people 2anting to 2ork and
produce! Their approach to subordinates is collegial: they like to share their kno2ledge
and eBpertise 2ith their subordinates and take pride in disco"ering and promoting talent!
D'DICA.'D 5ASIC .@('S
L'SS '&&'CTIZ' L'AD'0S@I# ST<L'!
This is a directi"e and controlling approach! Concern for production and output
out2eighs the concern for 2orkers and their relationship! $anagers 2ho score high tend
to be formal! They assign tasks to subordinates and 2atch implementation closely!
'rrors are not tolerated, and de"iation from stated ob?ecti"es or directi"es is forbidden!
They make unilateral decisions and feel no need to eBplain or ?ustify them! They
minimiGe interaction 2ith people, or limit communication to the essential demand of the
task at hand! They belie"e in indi"idual responsibility and consider group meetings a
2aste of time! They tend to be formal, straightfor2ard and critical! &or that reason, they
are likely to be percei"ed as cold and arbitrary, particularly by subordinates 2ho ha"e
strong need for support and reassurance!
$A0' '&&'CTIZ' L'AD'0S@I# ST<L'
This is the communicati"e counterpart of the autocratic style! It is still directi"e and
inter"entionist! @igh scorers are seen as task masters 2ho de"ote themsel"es
comfortably to the accomplishment of production ob?ecti"es! They en?oy tackling
operational problems and may ha"e less patience dealing 2ith problems of human
relation! They keep in touch 2ith subordinates, instructing them, ans2ering their
:uestions and helping them 2ith operational problems! They structure daily 2ork, set
ob?ecti"es gi"e orders or delegate 2ith firm accountability! They 2ould not hesitate to
discipline or reprimand, but do that fairly and 2ithout antagoniGing their subordinates!
They meet group needs but ignore one/to/one personal relationship!
I$.';RA.'D 5ASIC .@('S
L'SS '&&'CTIZ' L'AD'0S@I# ST<L'!
'Bpress appreciation of both human relations orientation and task orientation! They
ho2e"er admit to difficulties in integrating them! Therefore they may "acillate bet2een
task re:uirements and demand for human relations! In order to alle"iate immediate
pressures, they may resort to compromise solutions or eBpediency! They may be
sensiti"e to reality considerations 2hich stand in the 2ay, and 2illing to delay action for
2hate"er reason, internal or eBternal! Their realistic assessment of situations may
eBplain 2hy they do not use freely the approach they actually prefer, that is, the
$A0' '&&'CTIZ' L'AD'0S@I# ST<L'
This approach integrates task orientation and human relations orientation in response to
realistic demand! It is best described as consultati6e, interacti6e, and problem
sol6ing approach! This approach is called for in managing operations 2hich re:uire
eBploration of alternati"e solutions, pooling different resources, and integrating opposing
perspecti"es! They fa"or a team approach in problem sol"ing, planning and decision
making! They stimulate communication among subordinates, thus obtain collecti"e ideas
and suggestions! $anagers 2ho use this approach are usually percei"ed as good
moti"ators 2ho tend to deal openly 2ith conflict and 2ho try to obtain collecti"e
There is a time and place for all of the leadership styles! If a leader has one tactic that
he or she relies on almost all the time, it is almost certain to de"elop into a pattern or
beha"ior, in other 2ords a style!
.he leader+s selection of a particular style in a situation ill depend on:
O the indi"idual personality of the person or persons led
O the frame of mind of the person or persons led
O the leader=s o2n current frame of mind
O the leader=s goals or ob?ecti"es
O the relati"e po2er bet2een the leader and those led
O the importance of time in the action the leader 2ants taken
O the type of commitment re:uired to complete the desired action
O rules, la2s, or authority of the leader in the situation
-# .he Leadership ;rid
Leaders may be concerned for their people and they also must also ha"e some concern
for the 2ork to be done! The :uestion is, ho2 much attention to they pay to one or the
other3 This is a model defined by (lake and $outon in the early -96,s!
$iddle of the
Low 3edium 0igh
Concern for (roduction K.askM
$inimum effort to get the 2ork done! A basically laGy approach that a"oids as much
2ork as possible!
Strong focus on task, but 2ith little concern for people! &ocus on efficiency, including
the elimination of people 2here"er possible!
Country Club management
Care and concern for the people, 2ith a comfortable and friendly en"ironment and
collegial style! (ut a lo2 focus on task may gi"e :uestionable results!
*iddle of the road management
A 2eak balance of focus on both people and the 2ork! Doing enough to get things
done, but not pushing the boundaries of 2hat may be possible!
&iring on all cylinders: people are committed to task and leader is committed to people
Das 2ell as taskE!
This is a 2ell/kno2n grid that uses the Task "s! #erson preference that appears in
many other studies, such as the $ichigan Leadership Studies and the Ahio State
Leadership Studies! $any other task/people models and "ariants ha"e appeared since
then! They are both clearly important dimensions, but as other models point out, they
are not all there is to leadership and management!
7# L*S Relationships
Dulebon, (ommer, Liden, (rouer T &erris D+,--E and Scandura T Qraen D-98.E apply
role theory and social eBchange theory to leadership!
In the resulting Leader $ember 'Bchange Theory DL$HE, L$H is best conceptualiGed as
an abstract notion that is broadly defined and captures the tendency to beha"e in
relationally supporti"e 2ays! It contains facets of A&&'CT, LA<ALT<, CA)T0I(>TIA)
and #0A&'SSIA)AL 0'S#'CT!
Affect: I like this indi"idual "ery much as a person
Loyalty: This person 2ould come to my defense if I 2ere attacked
Contribution: I do 2ork for this person that goes beyond 2hat is
specified in my ?ob description!
#rofessional 0espect: I respect this person=s kno2ledge of and competence
on the ?ob!
In @igh L$H relationships, the leader pro"ides benefits Dincreased pay, better 2ork
assignment, career support, VE and greater negotiation latitude!
The follo2er pro"ides commitment, loyalty and eBtra effort!
This kind of relationship has been sho2n to positi"ely relate to organiGational
performance and attitude "ariables, particularly for follo2ers!
Studies ha"e consistently found a relati"ely strong positi"e relationship bet2een L$H
and the more cooperati"e soft influence tactics! D1ith eBception of eBchange tactics!E
<et although o"erall hard influence tactics had a 2eaker relationship 2ith L$H than soft
tactics, studies failed to re"eal a negati"e relationship bet2een L$H and forceful hard
influence techni:ues, 2ith one hard tactic e"en ha"ing a significant positi"e relationship
"8# :o to incorporate leadership into your on life
-! Set Leadership Qoals 0ank in priority order the :ualities you 2ant to de"elop!
+! Address the Qoals Determine ho2 you 2ill accomplish your goals!
4! Seek inspiration Learn about leaders: their styles and ho2 they dealt
.! Choose a role model 0ead biographies, find "ideos on the lifes of leaders that
fit your personality
5! Seek eBperience Take a leadership role in a social group or club! Qain
eBperience 2orking 2ith people on many le"els!
6! Create a personal mission statement:
1hat do you 2ant to be remembered for3
1hat do you 2ant people to think of you3
1hat kind of leader are you determined to be3
1rite a statement that defines 2ho you 2ill become!
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