Issue 6 Editor : Claire Worgan Editor-In-Chief : Elizabeth Simos Produced in USSU Media Hub, University of Surrey, Guildford

Est. 2008


By Paul Coward


s most of you are aware, well it was hard to miss, the Sabbatical elections for 2009 are now done and dusted and the winners have been announced. The sabbatical elections was notable on many counts not only did we receive a record number of votes, 1988, it also saw the re-election of both Elizabeth Simos (President) and Nick Entwistle (Vp Education) for another term in the offices of Union House, having both won their respective elections in emphatic style. It all began on Monday morning when the campus became covered with posters from the sixteen candidates who were running for the various positions. The lecture theatre was a particular spectacle to behold and it was clear that many students were new to the experience of seeing their campus covered in “Vote for” posters. That evening saw an excellently attended hustings hosted by GU2 radio and provided the platform for all the participants to get out their message to the voting student public. Wednesday and Thursday brought fun and games, costumes and cakes and hordes of campaigners gathered outside of the library steps hunting down every vote they could. What your average student makes of all this commotion is anyone’s guess; as they are ushered in the direction of the ballot box, returning somewhat ruffled into the winter air with an “I’ve Voted” sticker to repel further attacks. Friday saw the count take place in the Union, it took six hours and many trays of Chancellors beverages; eventually the count team emerged and Alan Roy announced the results in Chancellors that evening. My congratulations go out to our two returning officers as well as welcoming, Malcolm Hunt (VP Welfare), Lisa Shah (VP Societies) and Chris Moffat (Vp Sports). Who knows what 2010 will hold in store?

Were you caught flirting over the last two weeks? Photos Pages 16 & 17

ild be it! uld the gu Sho ll about ? Read a 3-7 scrapped e s Pages New n pag Find out o Find out the latest 18 music reviews Page 21
Issue 6 |10th March 2009 |


Worgan’s Words
Well Hello again dear readers! Can I first start this issue with a big ARGHHHHHHHHH!? That’s better. The initial stress of final pieces of coursework is upon News us and you may assume I am a calm and Pages| 3 -7 collected person... think again. Just like the rest of you, I have the occasional “flap” reFeatures garding the petty stresses in my life. HowCampus Boy | page 9 ever, I hope that you are all coping much GU2 Update| Page 9 better then I am. Maybe we should organise a mass scream so everyone can let out Co-Lab & Thinking Globally,Acting Locally| Page 10 their stress/anger over recent deadlines? Let me know, we may need to warn a few Celebrity Fashion | Page 12 people first. I also have a moan to voice. ‘When I grow up’ night was meant to be a dress up night but (apart from my male best friend in a dress) I didn’t see anybody Not News | Page 13 in costume. Have we lost our spirit for dressing up after fetish night is over? I must Flirt Nights Pictures| Page 16 &17 say that I’m also suprised that the Stag statue at the entrance of Uni has not been Societies ridden yet by drunken students for a dare. I was expecting an angry email to be sent around Uni/to the Surrey Ad about the disrepectful students riding the massive an- WARMUN & The Guild | Page 18 telred beast that guards us vulnerable students. Maybe instead of the lake being PSA Recipes| Page 19 swam, and the golf ball being climbed, it’s the Stag statue mounting? They do enjoy Sikh Soc| Page 20 making the uni like a giant playground... Beer goggles or not, anything big and shiny to a student is a conquest! Wow, I do warble on... well, I guess that’s my cue to leave Arts and enter the outside world once more. (I’m sure this Hub drives me slightly more Music Reviews | Pages 21-23 mental then normal). Literature |Pages 24

In this issue.....

Editorial Team

Claire -x-

Film | Page 25 The 5 worst Oscar decisions | Page 26

Editor| Claire Worgan: News| Amy Short & Steven Hayton: Features| Kim Harris : Societies| Justin Waite & Mariam Nasir : Sports| James Simpson & Danielle Gianotti: Music| Rachael Fitz-Patrick : Literature| Amy Barnes: Film| Ollie Sim: “Science”| Toby Shannon : Marketing| Amy Campbell Copy Editors | Joe Kenward & Stephanie Davies php?#/group.php?gid=36469776493

Find out more information at:

The Stag is an editorially indepedent newspaper and is published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Media Hub. The views expressed in the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the editor or her team, the Student’s Union or the University of Surrey. Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited Stoke Mill House, Woking Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1 1QA The Stag reserves the right to edit submissions. Please direct all enquiries to the relevant section editors.


Save our stags, recycle your paper!

Stag statue makes royal entrance
perhaps by spending a little money on improving the campus environment, the University will attract more new students and instil a sense of The much anticipated ‘Surrey Stag’ statue, at the campus entrance, pride in those already here’. was finally unveiled on 25th February by HRH The Duke of Kent, having Let us know what you think by emailing us at: Ussu.Thestag@surrey. made it’s journey safely from workshop to plinth. The stainless steel structure, standing at over 5 metres tall, arrived on campus without antlers to avoid collisions with bridges, clearing some, on the M25 and A3, by just seven inches. The artist commissioned by the University, Allan Sly, whose other works include ‘The Surrey Scholar’ in Guildford High Street and ‘Masquerade’ for the Electric Theatre, said, ‘I developed the design to be easily recognisable as the crest of the University of Surrey on a scale that suited the entrance’. By Joe Kenward Vice-Chancellor, Professor Christopher Snowden, said, ‘After 45 years we felt that it was time to freshen up the entrance to the University. Our heritage is linked closely to the stag which now appears as our visual identity. The Surrey Stag is both a testament to our support of the arts and public art, plus a proud link to the heritage of the University and its location on Stag Hill’. While the exact cost of the commission is yet to be discovered by The Stag at the time of print, estimates from academic staff have hinted at a figure of around £40,000 for the artwork. The statue seems to have been met with mixed response from students. One student, who did not want to be named, questioned the commission, ‘Surely they have better things to be spending our money on; updates of library computers and better learning resources, for example, rather than giving drunk students another thing to sit on top of!’, while another was more positive, ‘I think it’s good that the campus is being kept fresh. I feel a sense of pride coming into the University now, and


By Mark Barnes - USTV Producer


STV is the new University of Surrey Students Television Station. Working in conjunction with MaDSoc, M.A.D TV has been created and recently USTV’s very first television production was released. M.A.D News, aka the University of Surrey Student News, a news programme combining relevant news stories with entertaining delivery was released to the unsuspecting Surrey Student public on Sunday 8th February via the USTV website,, on the Facebook fan page and also on YouTube. Filmed on location around campus and in the Media Engineering Labs Studios, M.A.D News is the culmination of nearly a years worth of planning since USTV was conceived in the spring of 2008. Following much brain storming and trial and error on other projects, filming for M.A.D News began in January 2009 and two weeks of intensive editing later, the production was complete, with the following headlines: • 700 mugs stolen from Starbucks • Top 5 tips for student housing • TV Licensing – Union fights back In order to meet the overwhelming demand from USTV’s viewers, an hilarious outtakes reel was released on Sunday 20th February and work is well underway on filming the next instalment of M.A.D News. Plans are underfoot for further M.A.D. TV productions, watch this space and for more.

DEGREE DISCIPLINE: PHYSICS, MATERIAL SCIENCE, CIVIL ENGINEERING, MECHANICAL ENGINEERING, SOFTWARE ENGINEERING, ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING HERTFORDSHIRE AND SUSSEX, £24,917 - £29,310 The reward of knowing you are at the front line of science and technology working together to protect the public
Thermal imaging represents just a fraction of the wide spectrum of technologies employed in the fight against crime and terrorism. At the Home Office Scientific Development Branch, our team of scientists and engineers is on the front line, advancing these technologies. We’ve developed some of the world’s most innovative, unusual and exciting projects. Public safety is our number one priority. And now, you can join us. What we do is the real thing. A material science, engineering or physics graduate, you won’t just spend time researching and theorising – you’ll enjoy being hands-on, responding to changing priorities and helping develop, build and test real equipment that saves real lives. You could be getting to grips with the intricate workings of anything from maritime security to ballistics protection, technical surveillance or roads policing. Whatever you’re working on, you’ll make sure it works better than ever before. What’s more, you’ll develop a wide range of new technical expertise, and enjoy great job security and excellent benefits. For further information and to apply visit Closing date: 20th March 2009.
The Home Office is dedicated to promoting equality, fairness and respect. We will create a working environment where diversity is recognised, valued and celebrated.


Dear The Stag, I am writing to relay my opinion regarding the availability of healthy choices available in Seasons and Rushes. On a recent visit, I was appalled to find that a ‘large’ box of salad, with options limited to your bogstandard carrot, cucumber, tomatoes, beetroot, beans and potato salad, costs £3.10. To put the price of this in context, on the same day you could buy pizza and chips for £3.00, two jumbo sausages and a bowl of chips for £2.80, or soup and a roll for £2.25. When asked why it was so expensive in comparison to other, notably less healthy yet more substantial, meal options, a lady filling the salad reasoned that it was because it was fresh! In Rushes, which doesn’t offer salad as a meal option, main meals such as quiche and chips, sausages and chips and fish and chips, are all less expensive than the salad in Seasons. I am frankly disgusted that the price of eating healthily is so high, and that you could buy a plate of chips for the price of two apples. In the modern day, when healthy eating is becoming increasingly important, as we battle obesity and the impact of fast-food, I feel that the University should have some responsibility for providing students with healthy, affordable, meal options. From a disappointed Nutrition/Dietetics student!

Post Bag
The Next Deadline...... If you want to submit an article to us then please make sure we have it by Tuesday March 16th to ensure it goes into the paper on time!

Bin and done it...
The Stag is missing two newspaper bins... Have you seen them? They used to reside in the lecture theatre block. If you have them in your halls of residence after a drunken night, or know someone who has, then please please please return them or let us know!

A CELEBRATION OF DIVERSITY at the University of Surrey - 9 to 13 March 2009
iversity Week 2009, held between 9 and 13 March, will be a celebration and exploration of equality and diversity issues across different aspects of University life. This series of free events will include a mix of Forum Theatre, workshops, performances, an exhibition (with food!) in the Lecture Theatre Concourse, and other activities organised by both staff and students. A major event for students during the week is Forum Theatre, which will take place on Wednesday 11 March at 10am. Forum Theatre is a fully interactive event, but don’t worry - you won’t be asked to do any role play! The actors present various scenarios and the audience are asked how the characters should resolve their issues. It’s great fun, very thought provoking and, best of all, it’s free!


The session will take place on Wednesday 11 March, from 10am until 12, in Senate House, Continuing Education Centre (2nd floor) room 3. If you’d like to come along, please e-mail

Look forward to seeing you!

Do you have an article that you think The Stag readers would love?

Section Editors


By Andy Vale

1350am Do 36 Hours For £1350
upcoming major label debut album in Spring. She has supported Taio Cruz, recorded a duet with John Legend and is on many “to look out for in 2009” lists. I was actually shocked that she could fit me into her schedule. I will also be playing over 100 genres during that time as well as conducting interviews with artists in Australia, Canada, USA and hopefully more! Personal highlights will be Canadian songwriter David Celia and the guys behind the smash internet film series Doomsday Arcade. Doomsday Arcade was the winner of The Escapist Film Festival and can be seen at www.

I hate running, fancy dress always seems like forced fun and I am woefully under-prepared to climb any mountains. Statistically, that makes me the most unlikely person on the planet to indulge myself in any fundraising activities. However, late one night, I toyed with the idea of a marathon radio broadcast on GU2 for Comic Relief. Originally it was 24 hours, but my girlfriend seemed so unimpressed by it that I stupidly decided to bulk it up to 36 hours. I’m aiming to raise over £1350 and at the time of writing I have hit £1000 by solidly annoying everyone who has ever met me. However, I now need donations from kind strangers and brief associates. I am hoping to smash through this target by the end of the show and with the help of RAG and YOU this is an achievable goal. To donate, simply direct your web browser to www.

NUS Launches Report on Complaints and Appeals Procedures

I‘ll be updating my blog during the show to keep you up to date with how I’m doing, just head to AndyValeRadio to get regular updates on my progress and see what I’ve been playing. It’s also worth pointing out that I regularly put wrestling videos in there too, just because I can. If I can find The world record for longest continuous myself a Ukulele, I’ll learn to play it too. radio broadcast is well over 100 hours, however it is worth noting that ten years After the success of recent RAG events ago Simon Mayo of Radio 1 held the it’s heartening to know that Surrey can record by doing 37 hours. He also did be a very charitable place. All donations it for Comic Relief and although I’m go to Comic Relief and will also count tempted to add in a few hours just to towards RAG’s total donations for the beat him, I’ve decided it has to be a year. The better RAG do, the better Surrey multiple of 12 or I’ll die. I’d happily go University looks! The better Surrey looks, for the world record, but not while I have the more your degree is worth. There are prizes for the top 10 donators, including a family and degree to worry about. Erotic Sci-Fi literature (I jest you not) The show will be running from 9pm and there will be a prize draw to win a Thursday 12th March to 9am Saturday Snowboard for anyone who donates 14th March. Listen on 1350am, www. over £13.50. or just come by at any time and flash through the window to show your So long story short, the next time you support. All shows that are scheduled go on the internet you will go to www. to go on during that period will be going and donate ahead with the added addition of me. whatever you can. It will make Christmas Highlights of the show will include a live come sooner. performance by London Songwriter Zarif to promote her

By Amy Short US has launched a report into student views of institutional complaints and appeals procedures in England and Wales. This report looks at students’ views of the procedures for complaining about their academic experience or appealing against their exam, essay or other assessment grades. The report highlights a number of areas of concern – the key one being the length of time taken to resolve a complaint or appeal in some universities. Several students' unions cited examples of the process taking several years and the student giving up due to the length of time. The other main area of concern was the perception amongst students that complaining would have a detrimental impact on their relationship with academic staff - especially for postgraduate research students with their one-on-one relationship with their supervisor. The report makes a number of recommendations that NUS will campaign on to ensure a fair and transparent complaints and appeals system. Aaron Porter, NUS Vice President (Higher Education) said, "NUS is particularly concerned by the length of time taken for some students to go through the institutional procedure. We believe that if a case is not resolved within 3 months they should be able to take it to an external body. "NUS calls for the introduction of an independent campus ombudsman to help tackle the perception amongst students of the independence of the institutional procedures. "We hope that this report will provide a useful basis for institutions to review their procedures and I would call on institutions that haven't reviewed their procedures within the last 18 months do so immediately."



Keen to be Green
By Amy Short


•Remember to turn off lights when you’re not in the room. If you’re not living in halls, this will save you money as well as being he Students' Union is continually trying to improve the impact eco-friendly! that we have on the environment, both through being as green as we can in our day to day running, and through being a sup- •Recycle your old mobile phones. Instead of just leaving them porter of Fairtrade products. The University prides itself on being in a draw, a mobile phone recycling website will give you cash for a Fairtrade University, and Fairtrade products are available all your old mobiles. over campus. All of our outlets sell Fairtrade products, from the tea and coffee you buy in Chancellors, to products in the Union •When you make a trip to the supermarket, remember to take your carrier bags from last time. Supermarkets such as Tesco will Shop, our international food store. To demonstrate our commitment to being as environmentally give you green clubcard points for doing so, which translate into friendly as possible, we have created a new role, Environment money to spend in store. Officer, within the Union Executive. These officers are here to represent you, the students, so if you have environmental concerns •Unplug chargers when you're not using them, and make sure or suggestions, please contact your Exec officer at ussu.environ- you don't leave electrical products on standby. If you are keen to take a more active role in looking after our enviHere are a few environmentally friendly tips: ronment, have a look at People and Planet's website as they are one of the largest Student Campaign organisations who aim to •Make sure you recycle glass or plastic bottles, tins and paper protect the environment. (including this issue of The Stag!) and card. If you live in campus accommodation, there will be recycling facilities in your kitchen. For more information about them and what they do visit: If you live off campus, Guildford Borough Council gives all houses in the area recycling boxes, making it easy for you to do your bit!



Campus Boy
Fear and Loathing on Campus
Sex. There, that got your attention. Because we’re obsessed with it. Fetish Night II, my second least favourite night of the University year, after Fetish Night I, came and went. But not without event. On such themed occasions, I barricade myself into my room for the evening, opting for a relatively civilised combination of cheap red wine and comedy on 4oD. I may also end up, in the approximate words of Edmund Blackadder, talking to myself because it’s the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation, on such an evening of debauchery. I have only ever once built a fort out of bedding and chairs. It began with the usual Monday, Wednesday, Friday routine of thumping bass from kitchen stereo, followed later by the tapping of high-heels on the tiled staircase, like elephants with pins in their hooves, as the throng made their weaving stumble towards the Union. As is customary, and not just because it’s Fetish Night, I glance out of the window, feeling like some demented pervert in my darkened room, to gather audio-visual information on the attention-seeking loudmouths to avoid in future. I decide that it’s best not to be seen doing this, tonight of all nights, so quickly return to my dinner of crisps. Later, at approximately 3am, bleary eyed and groggy, I’m awoken by some familiar brutish tones. At first, I wonder if my ears deceive me, a dream perhaps. Nope, this is, of course, a night of excess for most and one of sub-surface blood-boiling for few. I’m one of the latter, obviously. ‘Gonorrhea!’ came one cry, from a young lady of ambiguous classiness. ‘Chlamydia’ came another, a man this time. ‘Herpes’, ‘Syphilis’, and so it carried on, like some hideous verbal joust between the unsheathed knights of STD. I don’t often wish harm upon people but, right now, I was willing both parties to develop a sudden dose of Thrush. I decided against opening my window and telling them this, for fear of being pelted, for the remainder of the night, with condoms full of liquid with dubious origins.

This Article Usually Has A Longer Title
There is also a reference to me banging celebrities, the promise of information and other turgid lies. I’ve had an epiphany and I realise that it is wrong of me to lead you on in such a manner. If you can ever forgive me for my deceitful ways then I’d love to tell you about some real things that have been happening on a radio station called GU2 that exists solely for you. Every issue I tell you it’s for you. But in what way does the Surrey student actually benefit by listening to GU2? Other than the fact that GU2 listeners get 30% more oral sex than non-listeners, how is your life made better? Let’s see. Firstly you could hear some interesting goings on in the music world directly from the stars themselves. Recently, on our Something For The Weekend show, we grabbed an interview with Empire Of The Sun. Interestingly enough, red-top newspaper (and Stag wannabe) The Sun grabbed an ‘exclusive’ interview with the same band in their column of the same name a week later. We win! Also in an interview with White Lies, we got the drummer to accidentally ‘out’ a rather big name in modern music. We also delve into some more specialist areas and grill some big names in their specific field. For example, our Gospel show has had some of the biggest names in UK Gospel as guests on the show, such as Simply Andy, Papa San and 4 Kornerz. If that sounds like your thing then tune in on Sunday evenings to hear it. If not then a quick browse of the schedule on our website (WWW.GU2.CO.UK) should guide you into the path to satiate your needs. It’s also well known that our union put on some good events. Last week’s Fetish night had the capabilities to give any young adult a whole evening of experiences that they’d rather their parents didn’t find out about. As such, tickets were in high demand with big queues on the night. Clever people saw the GU2 posters and realised that if they bought 3 orange things (our logo is orange) to the studio then they could win two tickets! So hats off to the person who bought us a pair of boxers, a traffic cone and a ten litre champagne bottle win an orange label (even if the bottle was empty). If you don’t feel like queuing up for tickets, then listen to GU2 between 4 and 7pm every Wednesday and Friday. Lastly, picture this. You meet a fine dame/dude in the club/bar/laundry queue. You make a bit of conversation and they tell you that they are in a certain club or society. Your chances of scoring a hot bit of human in this situation are greatly increased (by 30%) if you can then suddenly show some knowledge of the societies recent activities, results or events! You could do this by contacting every society president, club captain and educational department every week, but that would suck. Instead you could listen to the new Societies and Sports show Dirty Sports Socs on Thursday Mornings. Along with lots of music and facts, you’ll also hear about how our teams are doing. Just don’t blurt out my name when your life gets 30% more exciting.

The following week, Thrush cropped up again. I warned flatmates not to eat the cottage cheese in the fridge; it was my own personal stash. Not really. Rather, it cropped up in conversation. In a friendship group of mainly females, you can pretty much guarantee that topics will fit into the categories of PMT, STD or BSc. It’s at these times that I let things wash over me, whole sections of conversation can pass me That’s three reasons and while I have coursework to do, that’s all you’re by, but my attention is often recaptured at a moment when the most getting. But each one would unquestionably make your life better. To enjoy outrageous things are being said. ‘Yoghurt and garlic’. Excellent… these benefits, just drag yourself along to 1350am or cookery, I assume, a topic that I love. ‘Stuff ‘em up there, apparently’. This is odd, a new Nigella chicken recipe, I enquire. ‘Treatment for Thrush’ comes the retort. I sit, stunned a little, attempting to puzzle through it in my male mind. And, at that moment, I remember that, in the approximate words of David Brent, to assume makes an ass out of ‘u’ and ‘me’, so I reflect silently on the chair in the corner. All the while, taking slow, excruciating, mouthfuls of my previously delicate sandwich of tomato and cottage cheese.


CoLab is a student based organization which aims to create a culture of collaboration between students, teachers, the university, business and local community by forging new connections and building new relationships. We currently have 12 students working part-time in CoLab.

CoLab Update

A Student Voice
The Co-Lab team would like to welcome you to our latest endeavor: Student Voice. Through Student Voice, we would like you to help us explore some of the concerns and queries that the student body has to deal with. We want to give each and every student a voice to discuss passionate topics and empower your views

What is it to be Enterprising?
Irene has been talking to students about their understandings of being enterprising and how important it is to be enterprising in life. We surveyed and filmed lots of students to find out what they thought. We then reached out to Nigel Biggs, the University’s entrepreneur in residence, to look at your views and respond to what’s being said.

Find it
Everything is on our new website which is dedicated to encouraging Surrey students to post your views on the Student Voice blog on weekly or bi-weekly topics. Through Student Voice, we would like to explore with you some of the many dimensions of being a student at the University of Surrey and the things that interest and affect you. Tell us what you think. Find online workshops and tutorials and find out what’s coming up in the next few weeks.
Colab also runs on-line surveys on your views, have a look and see what other people have said. The results are on the site and are announced on our weekly show on GU2 Radio, we have debates and questions as well as music. So tune in.

What do you think of our Multicultural Campus? March 9-20th
do you like about our multicultural campus? What don’t you like? What advantages and problems come out of a diverse University? We want to find out how the University segregates itself or crosses boundaries and comes together and how you fit in.

The annual Festival provides a great opportunity to talk about the multicultural aspects of being a student at Surrey. Tell us your views on our newest topic. What

We want to cater to your interests, concerns and your needs, so tell us what you care about, we’ll do the rest. We can connect your views to people who know a thing or two about them.

in Asia. A total of 1.6 million people died from TB in 2005, equal to about 4400 deaths a day. There were 8.8 million new TB cases in 2005, A group of University of Surrey Politics students of which 80% were in just 22 countries tackle the issue of TB in the Philippines as part TB is a worldwide pandemic. Although the of their course highest rates per capita are in Africa (28% of What is TB? all TB cases), half of all new cases are in six Asian countries (Bangladesh, China, India, Tuberculosis (TB) is a common and often Indonesia, Pakistan and the Philippines). deadly infectious disease caused mainly by mycobacterium, which usually (not exclusively) TB in the Philippines attack the lungs. If not treated, each person with active TB can infect on average 10 to 15 Our campaign focuses on TB in the Philippines. Currently, TB remains a major concern in the people a year. Philippines with the country being ranked 9th TB is often thought of as a disease of the among 22 high burden countries, according past, which can be rather misleading. Infact, to the World Health Organisation’s 2007 it is estimated that two billion people, equal global report. Between 2000 and 2002, the to one third of the world’s total population, Philippines lost 27,000 lives from TB. are infected with TB bacilli (the microbes that cause TB). One in every 10 of those people TB also has significant economic and social will become sick with active TB in his or her impacts. On average, men with TB earn 451 Philippine Pesos (PhP) less than those without lifetime. TB, and women with TB earn 216 PhP less than However, TB tends to be a disease of poverty. those without TB. As a result, 8 billion PhP of The vast majority of TB deaths are in the income is lost country-wide as a result of TB. developing world, with more than half occurring Furthermore, 26.4 PhP billion more is lost as a By Erane Bekerovich, Mishal Dattani, Lesley Ndeti, Dann Rowell and Edmund Totman

Thinking globally, acting locally
What is our purpose? -

result of premature deaths.

To raise awareness about TB as a barrier to increased prosperity in the Philippines To liaise with organisations linked to our cause, such as NGO’s, public-private partnerships, charities and so on Enabling students to think globally whilst acting locally Allowing YOU to get involved and perhaps make a difference




We will be holding events related to raising awareness about TB and the plight of the Philippines. Further details will be released in due course. For further information, please contact our Media and Outreach Officer, Mishal Dattani, at Alternatively, you can view our facebook group at php?members&gid=53625348259#/group. php?gid=53625348259 (or type “Fighting TB

March ed 25th W m - 2am bix 10p In Ru

oys are ‘The b town’r ou BACK in

fy ing all o es and sing urite tun favo

ith w

laz B

ad Squ in’

o e Booksh th lable from ai ickets av T


Bag, £15 Dorothy

Hat, £18 Miss Selfridge

Blouse, £24.99 Jeans, £39.99

Tailored Jacket, £40

Tunic, £40 Belt, £15 Shoes, £15 New look

By Natalie Millard Dress, £37.50 Earrings, £4.20

Rachel Bilson, Agyness Deyn, Lily Allen are the fashionistas of 2009. With their diverse style and unforgettable edge will they ever leave centre stage? This week’s edition digs deeper into their fashion genres to see whether you too can pull these looks off... Enjoy!

Don’t forget to do your bit for R.N.D...
Shoes, £48.74


Bag, £9.79

Red Nose Day T-Shirts, £9.99

By Pete Nattress

Student always photographed at inopportune times
that for the other four and a half hours of that night, my penis was not exposed at all,” he complained, “but all she was concerned about was the mere twenty seconds when it was writhing around in the air like an angry fleshhose.” When asked why he did not just untag the more obscene pictures in his profile, he looked confused, asking, “there’s an untag option?”

******** WARNING ******* THIS IS NOT NEWS!

A local student who is consistently photographed whilst performing embarrassing and obscene acts has attributed his collection of shameful Facebook photos to “bad timing”. Gregory Stahlwitz, who is regularly captured in compromising or sexually suggestive positions, also blamed “odd angles”, “poor lighting” and “lack of context” for most of the photos in the 700-strong album which has led to mockery and derision from his friends and peers. “Look, OK, this one’s a perfect example,” Stahlwitz explained to reporters. “The exposure time on a modern digital camera is about a millisecond. This photo recorded a single millisecond of time. What about the millions of other milliseconds when I wasn’t groping this girl’s breasts? It’s a complete misrepresentation.” Stahlwitz went on to question the existential implications of his argument, positing that the moment represented by the photograph “may not even have happened”, stating that it was “manufactured by the lens and the camera’s own limited interpretation of reality”. Several pictures of Stahlwitz on the social networking website depict him inordinately grabbing his crotch whilst thrusting his hips, dribbling beer down his shirt and glaring lewdly at members of the opposite sex. In others he seems to be concealing a lump in his trousers, which he explains as either “strange shadows” or “stiff fabric”. Delving deeper into the album, further faux-pas are uncovered. “Typical,” he added, slowly clicking through his litany of shame. “The one time I squat down and try to take a dump on the dance floor, someone’s there snapping away. Unbelievable.”

Misfortune in Stahlwitz’s life is not confined to the stream of humiliating images of him which appear on the internet. Earlier this year, he received a caution for vandalism after a “philanthropic” attempt to test a car’s security system backfired. “I just wanted to test how strong Stahlwitz says that as well as puncturing his ego, the photographs are my neighbour’s windscreen was,” he said. “Turns out it’s not that strong”. also affecting his job prospects. Employers are known to screen the Furthermore, Stahlwitz does not see his unlucky streak ending any time Facebook profiles of potential employees and Stahlwitz suspects he has soon. “Christ knows how I’m going to explain that CCTV footage of me fallen foul of this practice. “I tried explaining to a graduate recruiter robbing One Stop,” he added.

By Pete Natress An attention-grabbing headline in student newspaper The Stag is persuading people to read the article it advertises, despite the two being virtually unrelated. The alluring headline, which promises a sordid tale of sexual debauchery, leads instead into a mindless postmodern article about the headline itself.

Misleading headline entices readers with promise of erotic sexual intrigue

“It’s safe to say this isn’t what I was expecting,” commented confused reader Hannah Blythe, who was looking forward to a salacious retelling As if to add insult to injury, the article ends abruptly and apparently of some kinky shenanigans, but instead found herself inexplicably without a punch line. reading a quote from herself. “This sort of thing would give MC Escher a migraine”. Blythe added, “I don’t get it.”

The self-referential story, submitted just before the deadline in lieu of something that was actually clever, contains only fleeting references to the fantastic and impossible sex acts advertised by its headline, none of which are elaborated on. Although the habit of spicing up a headline to promote a lacklustre article is a common media technique, it is not usually done with this level of casual disregard for the readers’ expectations.


y to fridays da 1.30AM mon 1 RS 8.00AM till HANCELLO NC G SERVED I NOW BEIN


ST £2.00 JU



21 Things About Surrey Students
By Andy Vale Over the last month, I have had the opportunity to learn vast swathes of information about many of my friends. Every day I seem to see about 10 Facebook articles posted up where my friends have revealed 21 facts about themselves that they deem to be interesting. I have learnt some intriguing things about my friends that I never knew and in some cases, didn't want to know! I find people completely fascinating. I love learning small details about people that make you appreciate the world that little bit more. So that is why I want to compile an article consisting of 21 things that are downright astounding about Surrey students. They can be achievements, odd injuries, embarrasing situations, body parts, drunken tales, climbing mountains or anything about you that you feel is a little bit different, quirky or interesting. Send your nuggets of information to or just a message on Facebook. Don't forget to say whether you want your name mentioned or not!

are nk, there .) fra .. ut to be (b ’d change sI ew thing af

Take part in the 2009 survey by visiting


Fetish Night II




Debauchery 16

Photos courtesy of Adam Sayer. More available on the facebook Flirt at Surrey group


When I Grow Up Night
Cr os sD re ss er






UniSMUN Sweeps Up
By Justin Waite With spring around the corner, another Model United Nations (MUN) season came to a close at Warwick University. Little prepared beyond knowing that they would, yet again, have to solve another crisis in the Middle East, the Surrey delegation, Paul Follows, Sam Jones, Oliver Deed, Justin Waite, Jack Brockless and Ashraf Khalifa, headed up to Coventry for another weekend of politics, back-stabbing and socials. out) over every bad turn of events, whilst Jack Brockless, Syrian Prime Minister, helped create a new Syrian Government as the old one spiraled out of control. However, special mention must be given to Ashraf Khalifa and Oliver Deed, Hamas Minister of Justice and Isreali Minister of Trade respectively, for dealing with the best of a bad situation. Deed, trapped in a useless role, took advantage of drunken conversations on the first night to ‘goover’ to the Syrian side, feeding them information about Israel’s plans Spread across different committees, with Surrey delegates in the Israeli, until his discovery and expulsion. Khalifa meanwhile had the honour of Lebanese, Hamas, Syrian and Palestinian governments, events kicked dealing with, and I quote from her character description, “a pill-popping off with the assassination of the Lebanese President. Relying upon psychopath hell bent on wreaking destruction upon anyone”, otherwise projector screens showing news reports and press statements by the known as Noreen: Head of Popular Violence for Hamas. Warwick team, each committee tried their best to fend off the latest piece of news, whether it was an attempted coup within the Lebanese In fine fashion, the weekend ended with everyone launching nukes Government by the Head of the Armed Forces or the betrayal by the at each other whilst Lebanon stood in the middle politically disabled. However the real honours went to Follows and Jones, who both won Israeli Trade Minister working with the Syrians. ‘Best Delegate’ awards within their committees whilst Waite scraped Yet despite the confusion, rumours and plots, the Surrey delegation through with an ‘Honourable Mention’. Yet again Surrey have proved acquitted themselves well. Justin Waite, the Speaker of the Lebanese themselves a force to be reckoned with, when coming up against the Parliament, managed to plot his ascension to the presidency by arresting likes of Universities such as Oxford, Birmingham and Cardiff. the Head of the Armed Forces, only to spark off a civil war within his own country and an invasion by Syria. Paul Follows, Prime Minister of With the MUN season over, Surrey’s political attention will now turn Palestine, attempted to assassinate a member of Hamas while arming towards the Debating Circuit. Keep a close eye for news from their the Palestinian police force to seize control of Gaza. Samuel Jones, the upcoming Royal Holloway Competition! Israeli Foreign Minister, protested innocence (and rightly so as it turned

Motion to Remove the Guild of Societies?
By Justin Waite
The newly created Student Parliament meets next Monday to vote upon a contentious issue: to scrap the Guild of Societies. An evolution of the old Student Assembly, the Student Parliament gives every student on campus a chance to put forward motions that can significantly alter the course of the University of Surrey. Created this academic year, its mission is to help counter the apathy seen within the student body, where only 3 students, from a possible 15,000 students, showed up to the final Student Assembly last year, and also as a way to fully integrate the normally hidden inner workings of the Students’ Union with mainstream life at the university. With its inaugural session next Monday, the Student Parliament already has 3 motions to put forward to students: “Should the Union Support the Lecturers’ Strike?”, “Should the Guild be Scrapped?” and “Should there be a Code of Conduct for Sports Clubs?” Whilst the possibility of strike by lecturers over pay has been largely averted, with the trade union that represents lecturers, the University and College Union, apparently moving away from calls to strike, the last two motions represent a potentially massive change in the Students’ Union policies. As this is the Societies section, this article shall concentrate upon the motion effecting the Guild. The Guild of Societies, implemented at the start of this academic year, has split the opinions of societies down the middle. Whilst some societies, such as the Physics Departmental Society who receive a large amount of money from the Physics Department, view the Guild’s joining fee of 5 pounds as completely unnecessary, other societies view the potential pot of money that it creates as crucial for their existence and ability to hold events. At the previous Guild Standing last week, 500 pounds was given to ‘Chosen’ to help them host their upcoming event at Rubix to celebrate Christianity, whilst the Russian Speakers Society were given 200 pounds to host an evening at Roots to celebrate International Women’s Day and kickstart the International Festival. These two societies represent only a small proportion of the money that has been distributed to Societies since September, as voted by the Committee of every society on campus or by the Guild’s executive. Previously, societies would never have been able to access such large sums of money for such a variety of events. Yet, despite this, many members of societies feel that they are unfairly disadvantaged, having to pay money to join a society that represents who they are and also seeing their money given to other societies that they are not a member of. As a result of this, the motion to “scrap” the Guild of Societies represents a crucial juncture in the direction that all Societies on campus will take. By removing the Guild, all societies will fall under the previous structure, where they were allowed to exist as they pleased. Quite often, a society would be strong one year and then collapse the next year, absent of a strong committee and the ability to call upon the resources of the Students’ Union. Nevertheless, many members did not mind this vicious cycle of events, seeing it as merely the way that the cookie crumbles. How many people who still feel this way shall be seen on Monday.


If you feel strongly either way, you can come along on Monday 16th March, 6pm, to Rubix to have your say and vote upon the future of the Guild.

“Top-class burgers at reasonable prices”

Guild of Societies Members at the University of Surrey can enjoy a 20% discount* when visiting our restaurant at 244/246 High Street, Guildford. Simply present this voucher together with your Guild Membership Card when paying. Valid all day, every day until March 31st 2009. Eat in only.
*not valid in conjunction with any other offer

Pakistan Students’ Association introduces its first edition of PSA Kitchen concept for all the Pakistani bachelor students here at Surrey University.
Chicken Karahi Recipe

Firni Recipe – Serving 4 – 6 persons
1 litre of milk a small tin condensed milk 4-5 tbs. sugar (reduce amount if adding sweetened condensed milk) ½ cup rice flour dry fruit --pistachio, almonds 1 tsp. Kewra essence 4 green cardamom (Chhoti Ilaichi) seeds

½ Kg. chicken 3-4 tomatoes –chopped ( optional) 1 onion chopped 3-4 whole green chilies ¼ tsp crushed black pepper (Kali Mirch) ½ tsp. salt (according to taste) 3 tbs. oil 1 tsp garlic (Lehsan) paste ½ tsp. ginger (Adrak) paste

Remove skin of tomatoes. In a pot add chicken, Garlic (Lehsan), Ginger (Adrak) and salt. Cover and cook on low heat till the water from the chicken have dried and chicken is half cooked. Add oil, tomato, green chili and onion. Cover and continue cooking. When the water dries and chicken is tender add the Black peppercorn (Kali Mirch), stir and remove from heat. Serve with boiled rice. Serving: 2 persons

In a pot add milk and Ilaichi seeds, rice flour and sugar. Leave on a very low flame to cook and keep stirring. When the mixture thickens add Kewra essence and remove from heat. Garnish with dry fruits.

For comments and suggestions please contact us at psa@surrey. and visit our main website ( for all the latest updates and videos…


Amnesty and Gaza
By Christian Gilliam AI-Soc President

As you all should know, the 21 daylong conflict in Gaza has been over for some weeks now. Conversely, this does not mean that we can now lay down our picket signs, and go for a spot of tea and crumpets in, what I presume, would be a fair trade cafe. There are two reasons for this. Firstly, the stability of the cease-fire is relatively quaky, for its permanence relies upon two ad hoc unilateral agreements. Secondly, other than ensuring that there is a sufficient humanitarian relief effort enforced immediately, there is increasing evidence of war crimes that have palpably been committed by both sides. For instance, an Amnesty action team working inside Gaza found indisputable evidence of Israel’s widespread use of white phosphorus. White phosporus is a highly contentious weapon to use, for when it lands on skin it burns deeply through muscle and bone, continuing to burn until deprived of oxygen. Although it is not universally agreed on whether it should be considered a chemical weapon or not, it is most certainly regarded as an incendiary weapon. Incidentally Article 1 of Protocol III of the Convention on Certain Conventional Weapons and the Geneva Conventions clearly prohibit the use of incendiary weapons against civilians.

depending on the height at which it bursts (and wind conditions), over an area at least the size of a football pitch’. In light of this, it hardly seems an appropriate weapon to use in highly populated residential areas, and it is clearly an illegal use of the weapon. There needs to be a full and independent investigation to bring those responsible to justice. Additionally our concerns of the conflict are perhaps more multifaceted than they might at first appear. We of course, beyond a shadow of a doubt, condemn the rocket attacks. Any infringement on the human is a violation in our eyes. Evidently, the rockets that have been fired pose a threat to the lives of the civilian population of southern Israel. It is difficult for the Israeli military to locate these rockets, for they are exceedingly mobile. On the other hand this does by no means justify the disproportionate and indiscriminate Israeli attacks which have killed hundreds of civilians; nor does it, in the words of Amnesty, ‘justify Israel denying passage of humanitarian aid and basic necessities’. In light of these injustices, I will be writing a letter to our local MP, Anne Milton, requesting that she represents our concerns to the Foreign Secretary, David Miliband. Moreover, the society will be sending a letter to David Miliband directly. To substantiate our concerns we will of course be petitioning (all signatures will be attached to the letter). We therefore urge Surrey students to take action against these crimes, by simply signing our petition. In doing so, the University of Surrey will join the other millions of beautiful people doing the same. It is our duty to speak for those who have no voice.

Have you got news to share from your society? Let our Societies Editor know at

University of Surrey Sikh Society presents:
'The Relevance of Sikhism in the 21st Century'
A talk by Dr Indarjit Singh CBE
The Sikh Society at Surrey University are delighted to announce that Dr. Indarjit Singh CBE, regular contributor to BBC Radio 4's Thought for the Day and patron of the Multi-Faith Project here on campus, will be delivering a special talk titled 'The Relevance of Sikhism in the 21st Century'. The talk will focus on exactly what Sikhism is, where it stands as a religion today, what makes it different from other religions and how it fits into 21st century Britain. There are approximately 20 millions Sikhs worldwide, making it the fifth religion in terms of largest are around numbers, while there 350,000 Sikhs in the UK. Many people are unaware as to exactly what Sikhism is and how you can identify a Sikh.

Despite these international regulations, white phosphorus wedges were found days after the withdrawal, still burning, in highly populated residential areas of Gaza city. The apparent use of white phosphorus is to provide a ‘smoke-screen’ effect, hiding infantry from the ‘enemy’. According to Amnesty ‘when each 155mm artillery shell bursts, it deploys 116 wedges impregnated with white phosphorus which ignite on For more information and updates contact with oxygen and can scat- on the situation please visit ter,

How can the many faiths of a multi-cultural UK interact and co-exist peacefully? This talk will explore why Sikhism is still in existence and what it

means in the contemporary world. Dr. Singh is a renowned speaker on Sikhism and Multi-faith interaction worldwide and can be regularly heard on BBC Radio 4 as well as being the Sikh representative at civic occasions such as the Commonwealth Service and the Remembrance Day Service. This talk will surely broaden your horizons and if you are interested in aspects of other faiths and inter-faith interaction then it's certainly an event not to miss.

When: Thursday 19th March 2009 Where: AP 3&4 Time: 6:30pm For more information contact:


Bill Hicks Tribute Night, The Boiler Room 25/02/09
It seems odd to go out to an event where the support acts are living beings and the headliner is a DVD. But as you may have guessed from the title, tonight was a tribute to one of the greatest stand-ups ever to have lived. Tragically he died of pancreatic cancer 15 years ago last week at the young age of 32. This rendered him unable to perform tonight, so a showing of his Sane Man DVD would have to do. Scottish without an accent were all explored amusingly. The night was hosted by local standup Will Porteous, who has been a longtime fan of Hicks and viewed putting on this night as a labour of intense love. He is not alone, a large number of fans have all made their way here just to see a DVD of one of his performances. What is often said about Bill is that he was one of the few people who could be deadly serious, make you question your every belief and make you piss yourself laughing all at the same time. He is insightful without appearing arrogant, his morals regarding drugs, pornography and religion appear to be more relaxed than most but his opinions on personal freedom, intellectual challenge and artistic integrity are almost militant. Above all he just seems so... right.

Opening the night was a young guy called Daniel Smith. His style and delivery were incredibly dry and not everyone picked up on this. As someone who sometimes presents in this style, I know how difficult it can be to pull off, especially when one is not 'on a roll.' However there were still a fair few enjoyable moments, original ideas and some interesting thoughts on buying books from charity shops. On next was David Whitney, who had a more direct approach and opened the show by showing us a picture of his penis dressed in a blue condom. It looked like a smurf. The Yet it's interesting to see how some of the tone was picked up afterwards and the material on his show is outdated; referfiner points of politics, religion and being ences to Debbie Gibson, Wham and Ronald Reagan aren’t that relevant. However you would only have to insert Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers and George Bush (for Released 13/10/08 (hard copies), lack of an easier target) into the available to download from above list and every point made 11/02/09 is still painfully valid. In fact, it's often stated that one of the sad things about Bill dying when he 'Quirky, catchy and open to condid is that he could've become troversy, M.I.A's Paper Planes is a the world’s most important stand track that should be in every collec- up considering what has haption of great music lover. Irresistible pened over the 15 years since to listen to anywhere, anytime it's his passing.

M.I.A –Paper Planes

As the screen goes black a sudden rapturous applause comes from the audience that is so powerful I am slightly taken aback. If you already know Bill then we have probably shared a knowing wink, if not then you will probably hear him soon. It has recently been announced that Russell Crowe is working on a film about him and I cannot wait. Andy Vale

such an amazing track!' 4/5


Hot Leg - Red Light Fever (09/02/09)
When The Darkness first hit our eardrums with songs on the album are the ones where enjoytheir camp rock sound, we wailed along to such ment seems paramount. Try listening to ‘Trohits as ‘I Believe in a Thing Called Love’, and jan Guitar’ and not singing it to yourself in the ‘Growing on Me’. When they released their sec- kitchen, as your housemates look on wonderond album, ‘One Way Ticket to Hell and Back’, ing whether you are the right person to be livwe wailed in terror, realizing that it wasn’t a ing with them next year (I’ve already signed so return ticket, as stated, but a clear indication I’m okay! Ha ha!). Equally as enjoyable are ‘Prima Donna’ and ‘Whichever Way You Want to that the band were about to crash and burn. Give it’, great for when your room finally looks After a string of solo appearances as his al- like it needs a good clean. However, here’s the ter ego British Whale, Justin Hawkins is back downside…. The guitar work on these tracks with his new band, Hot Leg. ‘These are the sound scarily like Status Quo. Not bad but not best songs I’ve ever written’ Hawkins declares, exactly awe inspiring. Maybe you could listen ‘Some people are going to dismiss it because to the CD with your Dad in the car. Maybe of The Darkness thing, but that’s just the way you could adorn yourself in your best ironedit is’. ‘Red Light Fever’ almost seems to be a straight jeans and sing ‘Rocking all Over the pastiche of Justin’s earlier work, being more World’. No, I didn’t think so. hysterical and audibly cutting than the sounds of his former work. The first track ‘Chickens’ is So, it’s a difficult one to assess. The more so familiar yet, it just seems like the band are meaningful songs seem whinging and drab, trying too hard and using the old formulae as the fun songs seem agreeable but hardly fresh a recipe for instant success. It’s clear to see and electrifying, making the whole point of an already that his unique sound, with Queen as album hardly seem worth it. It gets the same its only distant relative, is his own downfall. It’s reaction as when your favourite band release going to be compared with The Darkness and a covers album or a ‘lost tracks’ CD. It’s worth there’s no stopping that. Arguably the better a listen but chip in a quid or two with a few of

your mates or wait until there’s a sale but don’t spend over a tenner on this unoriginal attempt at clawing back to fame! It’s just not that exhilarating. 2/5. Andy Phipps

Deathstars - Night Electric Night
their genre. Okay, they aren’t completely metal. If they were a cake, they would have a large serving of electro in there somewhere but that makes it all the more surprising. and I could name any number of songs such as ‘Mark of the Gun’, ‘Venus in Arms’ and ‘Blood Stains Blondes’ but it just wouldn’t do justice to miss out the others on the album. The only criticism that can be mustered is that the songs could be said to be a bit samey but I’m only going to turn it around by arguing back, ‘If it’s totally awesome then what’s the problem?’ If you’ve read everything up until now, you may have guessed what I think of this album. You may accuse me of having a crush on the band members but what’s most important is that you see that this is actually a fantastic album. You can probably count with your hands how many albums you can listen to all the way through and I sincerely hope you add this to one of your fingers. I would thoroughly recommend it, what more is to be said? Well, apart from that they have a tour coming up, playing London in April. That should be immense.

The album kicks off thrillingly with ‘Chertograd’, a track that grabs you by your senses, sending tingles down your spine. It’s enthralling mix of traditional instruments with the more modern sounds makes a great combination. Next is the title track of the album ‘Night Electric Night’, which really steps up when it comes to heavy sounds. For Deathstars fans, it’s all you could ask for, which is more of the same really. ‘Death Dies Hard’ should be interesting, as it’s going to be the first single from the album and it does not disappoint. It would feel right at home in your ‘How can a metal band be so listenable?’ I room or on any club floor and after 3 minutes thought to myself when I first saw Deathstars 16 seconds you find yourself saddened when it perform on Rockworld TV. Their previous al- ends. Surely that was only like 2 minutes long? bum ‘Termination Bliss’ proved to be a hit, help- To avoid this sinking, deflated feeling, play it ing them to establish their smooth yet hardcore again! There is the other option however, which 5/5 sound making them different from the scream- is carrying on listening! I strongly recommend ing, guitar thrashing counterparts that share either. The flow of decent music keeps coming Andy Phipps.


Jeremy Warmsley, The Boiler Room 12/02/09
The Boileroom tonight is busy, and with good reason. While Jeremy Warmsley may not be the most familiar face in the music press, this doesn’t seem to have affected his appeal. The venue is packed with people who have ventured out into the cold and snowy night to catch a glimpse of the action. Playing with only a bassist and a drummer, the songs are suitably stripped down for the occasion, only serving to make them more memorable. “Dirty Blue Jeans”, “Lose My Cool” and even the odd Bruce Springteen cover make everyone glad they decided not to hide indoors by the fire. This is something which becomes even more apparent as he finishes the set solo, performing what is probably the most romantic anti-valentines day song ever written (“if he takes the piss I will break his face/if he f***s it up, I will kill him stone cold dead”). Between songs, and the occasional technical glitch, Warmsley and his backing band chat to the audience, telling jokes and stories involving dragons and the ever unpredictable British weather. Not one person leaves the venue without having been totally charmed by his unique brand of piano tinged indie, or without a massive grin on their face.

On your last album you worked with Björk’s producer, what was that like?
Yeah, that was amazing, he’s a hilarious guy. He engineered and produced homogenic which is an amazing album and the new Arcade Fire album and the new Maccabees album too so it was great. He’s German but also a Scouser so has a really unique, awesome accent!

I listen to a lot of John Martin, I never really gave him a chance while On the first album I did everything completely by myself and the seche was alive but his music was incredible. ond album I knew I had to raise things up a notch.

And what is that?

You’re involved in making Welcome to Our TV Show, online You mention you felt pressure to raise the bar, was that video performances with guests such as Malcolm Middleself-imposed or from your record label? ton and Emmy The Great. How did that come about?
No, that was self-imposed. My label is just like “do what you want then bring it back to us”. They understand that artists need a bit of space, people always want to tell you want they think, sometimes that’s good, but sometimes you need space to figure out your own opinion. If I want to make something that’s creatively honest I need to do that without worrying about sales, it has to be what you want to do. Welcome to Our TV show is a thing that my ex-girlfriend and I did together, she was a video maker. Basically we just had parties and got people to perform. Unfortunately now we have broken up, so I’m doing it myself now, it’s a little stressful with all the lighting and cameras but it’s also lots of fun and great to involve friends.

Who would you say were your musical influences, or peo- Thanks! ple that you’d recommend listening to?
Jeremy Warmsley’s second album How We Became is out now, I used to think that there were important bands that really mattered, with a free stripped back version of If He Breaks Your Heart but now I think if you enjoy listening to something that’s the only thing available as a free download from http://www.jeremywarmsthat really matters. It’s great to listen to a huge range of music and be tied into this tradition of great songwriters but you don’t really need to in order to make something exciting. All I can say as an influence is the music that I find exciting. By Dawn Harman


Sunday Night Live, Rubix 22/02/09
Our stage crew get very little credit for the work they do. They put ridiculous hours in so that we can all go out and get hammered in the best environment as possible. Something else they deserve praise for is for getting a gig of local artists on at the Union! For only £1 you got to see four bands plying their trade for our entertainment. That's 25p a band! Unfortunately I got there late and missed The Yearner Babies, but listening back to the recordings I can tell you that they have an eclectic sound that will entice me to see them when I can. Following this were The Michael Baker band, who had an upbeat folky sound that the cobbled streets of Guildford are suited for. With a strong set of songs this is an artist that could work Unfortunately, the final act Greg Fidler couldn't quite top what had come before, well as a solo act or with his band. but a set of strong rock was enjoyed. HowThe highlight for me was Chris Cape. A ever I counted at least 3 covers, which is South African who looks slightly like Zac possibly a bit too much. De La Rocha, he commands the crowd All these artists are at ACM, a place which and band with great authority and a mu- attracts, nurtures and develops some of sical style which is remarkably unique, the best young talent in the country and, fresh and energetic. He combined hip- to be frank, I am shocked that events like hop, rock, blues and a number of other this don't take place more often. To put it genres as if they had never been sepa- as bluntly as I can, we should have more rated, categorised and used as a socially events like this. Hopefully this will be the divisive tool. The stage looked like the start of something beautiful here at this funkiest place in the universe, his back- University situated in Surrey. ing singer Katie Jane was having more fun on stage than any (clothed) person Andy Vale I have ever seen and, in my eyes, this is how every 21st century party should sound.

Data.Select.Party, The Boiler Room 24/02/09
Being one of the very few, if not the only, decent live music venue in Guildford, I was excited to be going along to this night at our very own Boileroom. I was particularly looking forward to seeing Colour, one of the support bands, from seeing them before back in December at the Camden Barfly. This was the 3rd night of their tour, and it looked like things were going well. We got there for the 2nd band, Look! I’m a Ghost! These guys were from Putney, as they pointed out half way through by making everyone shout it, which is always good. For a bunch of fairly young lads they played some great stuff, especially as this style of music can often be very complex and have some tricky parts to it, which is what often makes it so fascinating. They had some great vocal harmonies, but did seem to favour a particular chord pattern in most of their songs, which started to become slightly who was screaming and shouting, proclaiming that he was 'very very drunk afNext up were Colour, who I was partic- ter a shandy'. Lovely. ularly keen to see. Their blend of indiemath rock keeps you constantly guess- By Mark Allen ing where it’s going to go next, and by performing really tightly, they put on a great show. They each know the songs insanely well, with each of them singing along with the front man. The drummer was cracking jokes about anything he could think of, and even though he appeared drunk, he still played some amazing drum parts flawlessly. Headlining the night were Data. Select. Party. Although I did not know much of their stuff, they set the crowd off with a more pop-driven sound, featuring some great reverse delay guitar effects. It was also great to see the other bands at the front singing along, seeing as a lot of bands on tour with each other usually sit outside waiting to leave. They even responded well to a guy in the front row, obvious throughout their set.

Would you like to voice your thoughts on something you’ve heard lately?

Email our music editor at musicdeskstag@gmail. com



0pm-2 from the Bookshop rch 1 available th Ma Tickets ed 11 W

Rubix am in

iv The Un

nts’ Stude

ersity o

f Surrey



Literature PopCo – A novel of marketing,
Reviewed by Jamie Grey
PopCo by Scarlett Thomas

Get those creative juices flowing....
Firstly, Alice. She’s an interesting narrator – neurotic, quirky and... ok, weird. She’s obsessed with order, ignoring fashion and mass culture and fairly disinterested in interacting with her drone-like co-workers... However, this kook is our narrator and we have to put up with her lying in bed for half the novel with flu (a slightly odd dramatic strategy mayhap?) whilst giving out slightly patronising mini-lectures on homeopathy (again?! What is it about Ms Thomas and this branch of alternative medicine that’s been effectively disproved [by the laws of statistics no less...]), ethical production and veganism. And our strong, proud, independent heroine goes and falls in love with the dullest man in existence. Honestly. He’s so boring I was waiting for him to turn out to be the bad guy. But no. He’s just that dull and so are all the other supporting characters – I needed to keep checking back to remember which one was which – they’re just cardboard cut-outs in video-game t-shirts and Doc Martens. Having been a little rude about this novel, it’s actually really good fun – Alice and her grandparents are really interesting characters and where else will you find such code-breaking ephemera such as word frequency tables, a cryptic crossword and a rather tasty recipe for a vegan cake?

code-breaking and pirate gold...
Dear readers... I have a confession to make. I literally judged a book by its cover. Honestly. That’s what lead me to read the author’s ‘The End of Mr Y’ – a rather yummy book about dream worlds and the nature of life and reality via a slightly rambling rant about the effectiveness of homeopathy... And I did it again with ‘PopCo’ – bound, as it is, in a beautiful sliver and blue cover and the pages are edged with cobalt blue... Yum. Anyway, once you’ve actually stopped drooling over the covers and started reading you’ll discover a novel featuring a toy designer, Alice, stuck in an ‘ideas camp’ in the middle of a moor being passed mysterious coded messages whilst attempting to tap into the lucrative minds of teenage girls (but not in a weird way...). Counterbalancing this story of toys and cynical marketing strategies are multiple flash-backs to Alice’s childhood with her code-mad grandparents and the mystery of some lost pirate gold... It’s a bit of a lengthy, complex story but it’s fast-paced and quite well thought out however... I did have a couple of problems.

Every Saturday night ODEON Guildford have a fantastic line up of great films for you to watch for less! Come to any advertised film performance commencing after 10.15pm and only pay a fiver...


Film Get the popcorn ready.....
Adapted from a series of novels, although my money is on that it is ‘loosely based’ because boy, does feel like it. A bumbling, bubbly female named Rebecca Bloomwood (Isla Fisher) has a shopping addiction, which eventually leaves her up to her neck in debt. To try and pay off the vast expenses, Rebecca goes to work at a financial magazine and soon falls in love with the editor (Hugh Dancy). She also writes a successful article under the pseudonym, ‘The Girl with the Green Scarf’.

Confessions of a Shopaholic (PG)
What is annoying is how our main protagonist gets away with every single situation throughout, and there are plenty. That is when my suspension of disbelief collapses at many stages. She says she can speak Finnish. Low and behold, a Finnish investor comes up to her, and she slaps him back. You’ll never guess what happens next; the Finnish investor takes a liking to her. No, no, no, no, no! However, here’s the biggest load of tosh and that is the subject of ‘shopaholics’ treated like a crazy, wacky, funny situation. You know what? It’s not funny. In fact, people’s lives are destroyed because of it. One could just sit there and think it’s harmless fun, but it is hokey and I’m pretty sure the author of the novel saw a different side to the film. It would have been entertaining if it weren’t for this sense of disillusionment.

Isla Fisher does try her best to do what, so far, she can only do well at and that is playing the dumb, befuddled female. The problem is I can see how this film could work under a title like, ‘Confessions of a Shopaholic’. Unfortunately, the half-wit producing this is Jerry Bruckheimer, who is the only person who can see talent in Michael Bay. Therefore we have a romantic comedy, instead of what should have been a satirical farce of some kind. Ollie Sim 1/5

The Class (15)
The surprise Palme d’Or winner at last year’s Cannes Film Festival that was described by Sean Penn (who was on the Cannes film jury) as a “miracle” of a film. I’m not sure about that, but I can concede that it is remarkable that, for a film that spends most of its time lingering around classrooms, it’s interesting throughout. What is very interesting though, is how realistic they manage to achieve a classroom atmosphere. Someone must be doing something right. point out is that this scenario of a bunch of mixed, but flawed youths is a very old sentimental technique (Dangerous Minds, 1995, a more gruesome example). The Class achieves a detachment from the sentimental barriers that many other films get caught up in. It is very subtle that way, even with unanswered questions (such as if Wey’s parents are going to be deported).

The International (15)
This is a very bog-standard thriller, with a false sense of timing and pace. The plot involves Clive Owen, as an Interpol agent, and Naomi Watts, as a District Attorney, both who suspect a large corporate bank of undergoing illegal activities. Complex connections, shootouts, assassinations and foot chases. This all should sound intriguing, but the bare fact of the matter is, A, you can’t take this seriously and B, it’s not as interesting as it may sound. One of the problems is that the complexities of the illegal money laundering, arms deals etc. do not engage us as much as it wants to. To be honest, to have a high-tech background to the story does not mean it is revolutionary (especially to aim the targets at the banks at the moment). Another problem is that when the action sequences come around, it feels disappointingly unremarkable. The Guggenheim shootout has echoes of the shootout in Michael Mann’s Heat. When we get to that, it feels all too late to salvage our interest. The International is not terrible, it just feels unremarkably blunt. Ollie Sim 2/5

The end interestingly raises many open questions such as the girl who approaches the A somewhat semi-autobiographical account teacher at the end of year and says, “Sir, I of the author’s experience of a teacher him- haven’t learnt anything”. From that you see self, the film looks into the system with one the full extent of a years worth of work that example of another teacher storming out of impacts many, but not much towards a few his class from the experience of his frustrat- being that this is a mixed class. The last shot ing students. The tolerance required to do the of the chairs in an empty classroom is an objob is unbelievable, that your skin begins to servation of not so much a troubled class that crawl as our main focus (Francois Begaudeau would as ‘the teacher’) begins to struggle at explaining the situation. One utterance out of context deter from the rest of the educational system, lands him into trouble and a disciplinary hear- but one that suggests an on-going process for years to come. ing at the expense of a student. We root for the teacher a lot more than we do for the pupils that are mixed racially, politi- Ollie Sim cally and educationally. What is important to 4/5


The 5 Worst Oscar Decisions
his is another award season that has gone and as far as I’m concerned, most of the decisions were the right decisions. Although, I have to admit, I’d hate to be Mickey Rourke right now. Yes, Sean Penn’s performance was very well done, but when it comes to the bigger achievement, Mickey Rourke was the comeback kid we all rooted for. The fact that Gomorrah was not even long-listed for Best Foreign Language Film baffles me on how the voting system exactly works. not a great film. Why this is one of the worst decisions the Academy has made is not just to do with the fact that it’s an awfully made film, it also put its director, Michael Cimino, at the top of every Hollywood studio executives address book. And guess what happened? He went on to make Heaven’s Gate. A lavishly overlong film that went out-of-control and had effectively destroyed the ‘studio film’. United Artists went bankrupt and Luckily, this was one of only a few mistakes the Academy made this Michael Cimino vanished off the face of the world. year, but there have been many appalling decisions that deserve to be pointed out. Some may seem obvious, but I have to admit some have to I’m sorry, members of the Academy, but you’re the ones who put this deal with personal taste. I, for one, was dissatisfied when Chicago and new filmmaker up on a pedestal. This is why you should never award a A Beautiful Mind won Best Picture Oscars consecutively. I, for one, was film or a filmmaker whose camera crawls up his own arse. Worst of all, not bothered when Crash won in 2005. Then again, I only hope that Midnight Express was clearly the more ‘revolutionary’ film and in the next year will have a better line-up than this year, because in my mind end The Deer Hunter is still the most celebrated ‘war film’ to this day. there was only one winner (that would be Slumdog). I wish for another There are guys in a bar right now saying, “Here’s to The Deer Hunter”. year like 2007, where compelling films such as There Will Be Blood, Sod it! I’m not buying the next round. No Country For Old Men and Michael Clayton were head-to-head. I still have my doubts. 1989: Oh, and so did Driving Miss Daisy

1978: The Deer Hunter sweeps the board

Aside from Dead Poet’s Society, there was a decent line-up from Born on the Fourth of July to Field of Dreams, but the clear favourite was There are many reasons why I chose this, because to be honest there My Left Foot. However, foisted into the Best Picture nominations was weren’t many great films that were nominated in the same category. a whimsical, sugary sweet, but dusty film by the name of Driving Miss However, many people moan that The Deer Hunter is the ‘best war Daisy. No chance, everyone thought. movie ever’, and to be honest, those people have probably never seen a war film in their life. It’s the kind of film you watch with your mates after you’ve been to the pub. At the same time you huddle together absolutely rat-arsed and emotions run wild at what you’ve just seen.

Then Jessica Tandy won Best Actress, which was a sincere, but sympathy award to an actress who was approaching the final stages of her career as a veteran on stage and screen. When the name was announced, it was as if the Academy had just seen the film at a matinee The film is overlong, pretentious, trite, banal, self-aggrandising hog- screening. The people at the nearest one-screen local cinema cheered, wash of the highest order, not to mention borderline racist. It’s a film while the rest jeered or scratched their heads wondering, “I don’t know that if you put it alongside Coming Home (also nominated that year), if I’ve seen that film.” Coming Home would look like the clear favourite, and Coming Home is


The 5 Worst Oscar Decisions
Of course, you have many years in the Academy’s long, prosperous history where a lavish, old-fashioned, earnest film appears on the shortlist to assure you that this is the Oscars; we award talent, originality, art and a slight whiff of overrated hooey. The Reader did come at the right time.

2005: ‘It’s Hard Out There For A Pimp’
This was the year when everybody was moaning about how Crash won over Brokeback Mountain, but what most people forget was the real travesty. This is a prime example of ‘political Oscars’ and how some members of the Academy vote on the basis that they are ‘hip’ and ‘with the crowd’. Three 6 Mafia took the award for their song It’s Hard Out There For A Pimp (Hustle and Flow) over Dolly Parton’s Travelin’ Thru (Transamerica). Dolly Parton obviously should have won the award, but the Academy thought that we ought to open up to the world. The song could be enough for me to shut my trap because I, like a lot of people, are culturally not in touch with rap music. It’s an awkward situation, but here it goes: it’s not a good song. In fact, it’s nonsensical. In fact, the Academy could have prevented this discussion by not nominating it at all, let alone win. It’s hard out there for a pimp? I don’t care.

this moment straight to the number one spot of the Academy’s biggest mistakes, but there is one thing that prevents it from doing just that; and that is that How Green Was My Valley was not that bad a film. Also, at the time, many studio executives hated the film and many insiders say that William Randolph Hearst (from which Citizen Kane was said to be inspired) wanted the film to be boycotted. However, in hindsight it was clear who the winner should have been.

1992: Al Pacino plays blind man, wins award
No one can deny Al Pacino’s talent, even if he has a tendency to shout and gruff. However, let me explain another theory the Academy has a bad habit of doing, which is giving out awards that were long overdue, but mostly too late. I present to the jury exhibit A, Al Pacino’s frankly trite performance of a blind colonel who has a heart that is eccentric and full of soul in Scent of a Woman. So “eccentric” in fact, that the Academy thought; “Gosh, did we award Al for his efforts in The Godfather: Part II?” “We didn’t? Well whatever Al Pacino does this year, he’s going to get a pleasant surprise.”

1941: How Green Was My Valley beats a little known film called Citizen Kane
This one’s a classic. This is the one where everyone gets caught out. “What?! Citizen Kane didn’t win Best Picture?” The Academy have forever bowed their heads in shame ever since. The film considered the ‘best ever’ was defeated by How Green Was My Valley, directed by John Ford. Hardly anyone has seen the film, but once the name pops up people jump out of their seats and are quick to point the finger. Any other person would have sent

He was under stiff competition as well. Robert Downey Jr. was nominated for Chaplin, Stephen Rea for The Crying Game and Denzel Washington for Malcolm X. So who comes and ruins their night? Al Pacino, acting in the film as if all he needed to do was look off screen. Convincing? No, but that’s the half of it. When he dances the tango with a young woman with a smug grin on his face and a boggling stare, it’s enough for you to shout, “Right! That’s it! Pass the bucket!” Ollie Sim

Send your reviews to our Film Editor at

Aries (20th March – 20th April) You should be feeling very proud of yourself; you have shown great kindness and empathy this week. Rest assured that you have done the best possible job. Whatever happens now is beyond your control. Well done. Single? They may seem a bit too keen, but their intentions are far from what you think. Taken? You’ve been feeling somewhat smothered over the last few weeks, so hit the town without your partner and remind yourself of your independence. Taurus (21st April- 20th May) If you’re finding this decision-making too tough, it might be a good idea to write a list of pros and cons. It sounds like a cliché but it will really help you to get things into perspective. Single? Just when you thought you were giving up on the opposite sex, an attractive alternative has appeared. Keep a wary head, and don’t rush into anything. Taken? So they’ve gotten a new, and excessively irritating, friend, keep your opinions to yourself right now. Eventually they will realise this on their own, so avoid looking like the bad guy and keep quiet. Gemini (21st May- 20th June) Libra (20th Sept- 21st Oct) You’re going to be feeling extremely energetic this fortnight, so why not put your energy into a good cause. Perhaps a sponsored event for Comic Relief? Either way, make the most of it. Single? Everyone else seems against your latest liaisons with an ex. While you must consider their advice, ultimately it is your decision and only you truly know what will make you happy. Taken? Make the first move to reconcile an argument this fortnight, even if it wasn’t your fault. Scorpio (22nd Oct- 21st November) If you feel like taking some time out this fortnight, that is definitely what you should do. Even if your friends try and guilt trip you into going out, if you want some down time you will truly benefit from the break. Single? They’re giving you mixed signals. The truth is they’re still hooked up on their ex, so tread carefully. Taken? You’ve been thinking about someone else a little too much lately. You need to figure out exactly what it is that you’re feeling. Sagittarius (21st Nov- 21st Dec)

You’re being unusually competitive lately, why is that? In any case, the You’ve been overly sensitive lately, and your interpretations of people’s attitude you’re adopting is not a healthy one and it will cost you some actions towards you may have been slightly off the mark. People genu- friends you consider dear. Single? If it feels like cheating even though inely aren’t out to get you- they are only trying to help. Single? If you don’t you’re not together, you need to question the situation that you’re in. feel like you’re in the right state to start a relationship right now, you are Taken? Tell them about the thing that’s been annoying you or it’ll never probably right, so go with your instincts. Taken? You may feel like they go away. haven’t noticed the special effort you’ve been making lately, but they have, and they’re about to show you just how grateful they are. Capricorn (21st Dec- 20th Jan) Cancer (21st June- 21st July) You’re feeling bogged down by your coursework right now- it’s important that you don’t rush your work, or you’ll end up doing it all over again. Forsake a few nights out- it’ll be worth it. Single? Your friend is all loved up and annoying right now- but think about it. Do you really want to be like them? Taken? A night of romance may be in order to restore things back to their usual state. Leo (22nd Jul- 22nd Aug) It’s been a surprising fortnight, from your parents to your boss at work. You’ve done a pretty good job at taking it all in your stride though, and everyone respects you a little more for it. Single? Take some time out of the dating game. It’ll allow you to get some perspective. Taken? Temptation is rearing its ugly head once more this fortnight- fight it as best as you can. Aquarius (21st Jan- 19th Feb)

If you feel like you’re being unfairly treated, either at work or at Uni, you need to go about things in the correct way. Try talking to those in quesYou’re reluctant to help your friend this week. Remember that everyone tion, and if that fails, go to someone more official. Shouting your mouth makes mistakes, and you could easily have wound up in similar situa- off and losing your temper will only aggravate the situation. Single? A tions in the past. So you learned your lesson earlier than they did. Time joker raising money for Comic Relief will catch your eye this week- go and to pass on the wisdom. Single? You’re right to focus on your studies introduce yourself. Taken? You know they have no need to be jealous, right now. Taken? They’ve been acting out a little lately. Perhaps sit them but try and put yourself in their shoes before you start an argument. down and ask them what’s going on. Pisces (19th Feb- 19th March) Virgo (23rd Aug- 21st Sept) Lean on your friends when things get tough this fortnight. And even You’ve been ignoring the upsets and arguments in your house the last though you may be annoyed at a friend’s belief that they “know exactly fortnight- and you’ve done the right thing. They will sort things out this how you feel”, listen to what they have to say. Single? A drunken one week though so you can now relax. Single? Your last little encounter night stand with a close friend should stay just that- or you risk losing may not have worked out quite how you’d hoped, but learn from the ex- your friendship. Taken? Don’t stay in this just to prove everyone else perience, and move on. Taken? Your friend is trying their best to cause wrong- if they are right, resign yourself to it and do the right thing. problems between the two of you at the moment. Stop and ask yourself what her agenda is.


uLive by arrangement with The Agency Group presents

Plus special guests


uLive by arrangement with The Agency Group presents


Plus special guests



Get yourself known, write something for your students’ newspaper


Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful