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This book is dedicated to my 88 year old Grand Mother, "Sylvia Johnson," who we affectionately call, "Big Momma." She was one of fourteen kids. As a single parent, she raised eight kids of her own in a two bedroom house. She worked as an employee in a basket manufacturing plant for over 50 years and eventually became a trusted supervisor until she retired. All of which was done without a formal education, which is proof "Much can be done with less." She is loved, admired and has touched more lives than she'll ever know. To us she is a legend, who also leaves a legacy of perseverance and determination; a prime example of the "Strong Black Woman." She was the first to advise me, never accept any "Wooden nickels" and the last to tell me, "Everything is going to be alright"; just place your faith in God. Which is exactly what I've done, placed my God given talent of writing in his hands. This body of work is his, I take no credit for it, but I consider myself privileged to have been chosen for this assignment. To my Mother, whom I love and respect dearly, I am indebted to you for life; I realized without your wisdom and guidance, I surely would have been lost. To my immediate family and closest friends, I say thank you for your encouragement and patience. To my two sons, I hope and pray when you're old enough to understand this material; it will guide you in your quest to finding "Unconditional love" and the woman of your dreams. Lastly, to all those people who are too many to mention, who helped me in anyway complete this project, I am forever grateful and mindful that this book could not have happened without your input and that I never could be what I am today...."A Published Author!"
"To God be the Glory...All praises due to Allah"
A close friend told me, "Life is what you make it," and this to also applies to relationships as well. I am a firm believer that you will get out of your relationship, what you put into it. "If your relationship isn't first, then what is?" I came to the conclusion that family is always first, and family isn't always your blood relative. That being said, this book is a guide for all those sisters who crave fulfilling long-lasting relationships with unconditional love. Believe it or not, many men desire to be in successful relationships and marriages as well. If your man hasn't placed a ring on your finger, there's a reason why. If you're married and he's not paying you much attention these days, you could benefit from this material as well. So what is the problem? It very well could be his trifling ways, but I'm certain there is something you're doing wrong, either intentionally or unintentionally, that could have been contributing to this delay. This book will serve as a road map into the thinking process of the many different men which I have consulted over the years, such as; doctors, lawyer, athletes, entertainers, pimps, players, boyfriends and husbands. It should give you the needed insight and solutions on how to deal with the complicated relationship problems that exist in our community everyday. After the completion of this book, you will have had an opportunity to explore the many different perspectives of most men; thereby increasing your general knowledge on how men think and operate everyday. Quality relationships are already hard enough to maintain given, the current divorce rate. Hopefully, this book will save you the unnecessary time and energy needed in a bitter breakup or divorce. It should challenge you to examine yourself first and make any necessary changes to improve the quality of your relationship. Finally, after you have completed this book, your mistakes should be fewer and the strength of your relationships, if any, much stronger.
In the beginning of any relationship, each person has to decide, if they plan to live in abundance or scarcity. One or the other depends solely on the decisions we make when choosing a mate. We either succeed or fail based upon those decisions. So it is my hope that your relationships will be prosperous and I'm certain they can be, if given the correct amount of time and effort. A proper assessment of your potential mate and evaluation of yourself is really the key to a great relationship. If made correctly, I'm certain your relationship and life will be going to the next level. Respect, communication, trust and compatibility are the major forces that shouldn't be over looked, in any decision making process. If for any reason you are having any problems in these areas, you may need to reconsider your mate or take another look at yourself. Life and relationships are what you make them so your options are simple, take your time and choose wisely.
Part 1: ENLARGE YOUR VISION
Secret 1 When it comes to the strong "Big Guy" you picture in your mind, believe it or not, they have feelings too. Although a man may not admit this to a female as often as he should, he is sometimes just as sensitive as she is. There are some men who have learned how to convey this sensitive side to the ladies without feeling he is less of a man. Others are still in denial or not secure enough to express themselves in this way. So whether he says it or not, our feelings are important to us. We don't want to get hurt either. It's important for the ladies to remember that men are sensitive creatures. We respond to love and affection a lot better than harsh words and abuse...just like you. So I guess that old saying, "You can get more from a person with honey, than you can with vinegar" is true. Men have been taught since childhood to hold their feelings in and deal with them in private. This hasn't been great advice and possibly one reason some men have explosive tempers that have guaranteed sixteen weeks in anger management counseling, or worse, a night in the county jail. Ladies can assist the men in this regard by understanding what makes your man tick and realizing how to maneuver around the difficulties and disagreements in their relationship. The key is learning how to do this without stepping on his feelings or manhood. All men are different. Different situations (sex, money, bills etc.) affect them differently. Therefore, ladies who decide to understand and accept this important information will be improving the closeness of their relationship a great deal. Do what you have to do but whatever you do, don't take his dignity or self respect. Remember, "Men just want to be men". So, if you want to keep "Big Daddy" happy, then don't say everything that comes to your mind when you are angry even if it is true. Don't do everything you want to, even when you think it's correct to do so. Most of all don't beat him down every time you get a chance. We get enough of that everyday. Try something new. Trust me...he will appreciate your love, sensitivity, patience and understanding. You won't have to worry about "Big Daddy" anymore. He'll be at home next to you just where you want him.
Commit to Something
Secret 2 Commitment means just that commitment. Nothing irritates a black man more than knowing the sister he's interested in isn't committed to anything or anyone. This is a great quality men look for and test in women all the time and one reason why, if you claim to have a special person or husband in your life; we act as if it doesn't matter. Some brothers will never give up the pursuit, until we are certain that your relationship with him is solid. Men are like animals, they can feel and sense weakness. This is another reason why it's very important that the sister clearly understands not to play around in this area. Not only are we trying to gauge how strong you are; but we are also trying to evaluate how weak you are too. So, any lady who wants to stay on top of her game should remember two unsaid rules. First, if you are not seriously committed to anyone, just say that. It's admirable to receive an honest answer; and it also shows that you take your personal life seriously. Secondly, if you are committed to someone, "then act like it". If we feel even slightly, that you would cheat on this so-called special person, you have now degraded yourself to a sex partner, who would probably do the same thing to us if approached by a different man on a different day. So, if you should have and love a special man in your life, then stay committed to him!!! Don't test the water trying to find out if Mr. Big is bigger than Biggie Smalls. Brothers despise sistas who play around on their men...whether we say it or not. You won't be a wife, so don't plan on it. Even being a girlfriend would be pushing it...try "Cut buddy, f%#k partner, or worse, ass-hole". Ladies, if you are trying to get a man or keep one, then men will have to know your level of commitment for his peace of mind. Commitment means just that, commitment. Commit to yourself, your beliefs, your man...then your friends...and...in that order. Believe what you like. Just remember, you were told and "That's it and that's all".
Trust No One
Secret 3 Once a black man decides to trust you totally, then you have received his ultimate compliment. Total trust is a hard thing to get from a brother because he knows if he's wrong, there's a terrible price to pay which in some cases may be too large for his bankroll. So, trusting in what he sees and not in what she says are lessons some men have had to learn the hard way. Hopefully, if he's one of the lucky ones, this lesson didn't cost him any jail-time or have him tied up in any county courtrooms. Many men have been dodging this "Trust issue" for some time and naturally so. This is a risk that any intelligent brother, with something to lose, cannot afford to take. If there weren't so many vindictive black females, this probably wouldn't be an issue. But, most men know that sooner than later, if there are any serious family problems at home, the "Proper Authorities" will receive a telephone call. A 911 call we have neither the time nor patience to deal with. Not to mention the possibilities of involving different strangers in our private and professional lives. Understand clearly that this is a costly mistake made by many black women everyday, and a major mistake that has cost men their lively hood and freedom. If it's your desire to get a man out of your life quickly...then call the police. Whatever the reason, he's leaving. If he chooses to stay after this stunt, then he deserves to be miserable and unhappy. So, to avoid these headaches, his answer to this problem is clear. Tell her nothing or no more than you have to or it could come back to haunt you, "When she gets mad enough". Women, on the other hand, should understand one simple rule. If a brother decides to trust you completely, do not cross him not even once. If you do, there's a vicious price to pay. That price is "WAR". Be very careful from this point on because you two are no longer friends. You are his number one enemy. It doesn't matter if you two are married, having sex or were close friends "You cannot be trusted to protect his family, finances, freedom or future." It's every man for himself. Only the strong survive. This is chess, not checkers. If a black man sees that you cannot be trusted, it will never matter what you say or do. It is just a matter of time before the relationship is over.
Mr. Well Hung
Secret 4 They ask. "Who is this masked man?"- Mr. Well Hung, Talk of the Town, Life of Every Party, Master of Disaster, King of Sting and the Count of Monte Crisco. Most women say "she wants him". Even more complain about not having a piece. However, since there aren't enough Mr. Well Hung's to go around and none of you women can seem to keep your mouths shut at the party, I guess you lovely ladies will just have to share Mr. Man - and share...share alike. But, the reality still remains. If Mr. Hung doesn't know how to use his "Inspector Gadget", then all of you horny ladies are going to be out of luck anyway. If he happens to be great in bed and you haven't had the chance to go a couple of rounds with the "Big Guy", then get ready for your "Big Surprise". Prepare yourself for a visit to the emergency room because you'll probably need to see a gynecologist in the morning to get some antibiotics and clear up those STDS. I guess you got what you were looking for - a "first round draft pick" or better yet a “lottery pick” Good Luck!!! Hopefully, for your sake "Black Woman", he's faithful, loving, caring, sensitive, and kind...you know an all around good guy. But, chances are if you are still looking for this "Mr. Well Hung" attribute in a man, you're probably looking for the wrong thing. This is what most intelligent women do so often. They are looking at his crouch, hands, and feet rather than looking at what's in his heart and head. Remember this Ms. "Trying to get Hung", if we catch you looking south or glancing downstairs, then stand in line with the rest of the ladies. Take a number. We'll be happy to serve you...Next!!!
You Can’t Handle the Truth
Secret 5 You've been chasing that man having off and on sex for years. He hasn't asked you to marry him yet; and you haven't given up on waiting. Everyone seems to think you're crazy for letting that man treat you so bad. Is the sex that good or is he drugging your food? What's making you hold on so tight to this man? One week you're happy and smiling. The next week you're walking around with bruises and black eyes. The first day your girlfriend met him, she told you to leave him alone. She saw right through the man. Now, neither of them cares much for each other. He hasn't tried to make a move on her yet. But she knows, if he had the opportunity, he'd be all up in her panties. Age and experience has taught her that guys like him aren't any good. So, she thought she was helping you out by giving you some good sound advice. You were certain she was just being jealous. Now, you two haven't spoken in years. She can't believe you let a man come between ten years of friendship; and you could care less. She probably could have learned to like the guy. But since you never had anything great to say about him, she's wondering what exactly is your problem. Why are you with this man? He took off in your car last weekend and hasn't been seen in days. He's got women calling your cell phone describing things in your bedroom. Now, how trifling is that? If you truly were friends, you feel she's supposed to support any decision you make - good or bad, she feels, "friends don't let friends drive drunk", and you must be drunk to be dealing with this idiot. Well, the truth of the matter is this, you say you love yourself. But, we can't tell. You say this man loves you. Even you don't believe that. So, what's the real deal? Do you hate yourself? Or are you just addicted to toxic relationships? I thought you said you wanted to be happy. Deep down, you know you two aren't getting married. Do you really want this man to be the father of your children? Can you see yourself with this man twenty years down the road? Would he leave if you were in a car accident and fell into a coma for six months? Or would he stay? You know the answer. So get up, dust yourself off, and stop trying to prove to everyone that you've picked a good one. We've known he was sorry from the jump. Pick yourself up and don't waste another moment with this guy. Move forward and don't look back. Apologize to that girlfriend of ten years. Try to find love within yourself first; and then, the right man will come. You deserve to be happy. You can also handle the truth. The truth is he is a loser, which you already knew from the beginning.
My Baby, Your Problem
Secret 6 The two of you were just friends-having casual sex without any commitments. He wasn't interested in marriage; and neither were you. Let you tell it, the sex wasn't that great anyway. The two of you shouldn't have been having un-protected sex anyway. But, neither of you had sense enough to understand the implications of an unwise decision. You knew you didn't care much for him; but you lay down with him anyway. Now you're six weeks pregnant. You're wondering why this man is asking you to have an abortion. Did you forget you two were just sex partners? Or, did you just forget the sex was average at best? Either way your sentiments for each other are the same. He felt this baby idea was ridiculous. You already knew his position. But, against his wishes, you decided to have the baby anyway. Whether he chooses to be a father or not doesn't matter to you. It's your baby. You're going to do what you want to with your body. That's until the baby is born; and you realize it's gonna take a lot more than baby formula and pampers to raise this child. Now, you're running to child services and court rooms trying to get child support. Then, you have the nerve to wonder why he's not a "Proud Papa." He never wanted the child. Or did you forget that part? "Well, he shouldn't have laid down with me if he didn't want a baby!" Is that the best reply, you could come up with? In reality, he feels he was tricked into this situation and into thinking his opinion really mattered. If he doesn't want the child and you decide to have it, guess what, he has to deal with it. If you don't want the child and he does; and you decide to have an abortion, guess what, he still has to deal with it. Life changing decisions are being made by sisters who are ill equipped mentally or emotionally to make these serious choices. Costly mistakes are being made one after the next by females only thinking of themselves in some cases. It's not until she gives birth to the child that she realizes the same thing most men knew from the very beginning. It was a big mistake. And, neither one of us were ready for this level of responsibility. You want the truth? Well here it is; most men are interested in "Having Sex not Babies". There is nothing worse than having a baby by a sex partner you don't want or wanting a child you cannot have. The harsh reality is this...since two must be responsible if the child lives, two should determine if the child dies. One person shouldn't have the power to decide both.
Married With Children
Secret 7 It's common knowledge among the brothers that married women make the best sex partners. If she has kids, it's even better. This formula doesn't work well for the decent men looking for love who shouldn't be involved with her in the first place. But there's always a "Damsel in Distress" looking for a "White Knight" to come rescue her from the "Evil Warlord"...She's married too. Unfortunately, men looking for love and those who "Wanna-be" players, know this is a road to no-where. The problems are endless. In some cases, on any particular day, she may decide to make her marriage work. Her second option is to stay married and keep her willing partner on the side. Third, she may decide to stay married (yet separated) and keep the man on the side as well as a few others. Either way, if Mr. Knight decides to stay or leave, when it's all said and done, even if his only motivation was sex, it's a lost cause. Whether he chooses to accept this reality or not, on paper this sister belongs to someone else. Even if he loves her, the relationship can only go so far. It usually takes a while for this reality to sink in; but it normally does after feelings start to develop. By then, it's too late for damage control and everyone is at the mercy of the married sister with the man or men on the side. So sisters, if you are married and dating, then you can't fall in love. It's foolish. Before you fall for the new guy, just make sure your personal business is addressed first. Decide whether you're leaving or staying. Do this before you decide to move forward. Make sure you are a "Single Eligible Sister" before pulling another brother into your web of deceit. These type of relationships are already complicated enough. Adding love to the picture makes it more confusing. Take some time alone and try to decide what's best for you. Even if you didn't know what to do before hand, you know now. Truth of the matter is this-"You can't be a player and in love too."
Leave it to Beaver
Secret 8 When you don't have a man, it's all you ever talk about. The minute you get one, he's the last one you take care of. Your schedule is the same every week. You're up early every morning getting the kid(s) ready for school. Off to work you go. Ten hours later, you're picking them up, getting something to eat, and on the way to the house. You take a bath, roll your hair, watch a little TV, then it's "Betty Bye, Betty Boo". Saturday morning you're off to the beauty shop, clean the house, run a few errands, watch a movie, roll your hair, put on your t-shirt and footie’s and nite-nite again. You're first in church on Sunday, off to Wal-Mart after service, cooking when you get home, putting on that same old t-shirt and footie’s, taking a bath, rolling your hair, and back to bed again. You see, it's the same old song and dance. You work all day and sleep all night. You're tired all the time. Yes indeed. You get an A for parent of the week and employee of the year. But, who gives a "Damn" about that?-Oh yea, the kids and your boss. Last time I remembered, they didn't ask you to marry them or be their girlfriend. Your man did. What brother wants a wife or girlfriend that's busy as hell taking care of everything except him? I can't think of to many "Mr. Mans" who enjoy holding their "Mr. Johnson's" all day and night. Then, you wonder why Mr. Wonderful left you for Ms. Incredible or why Iron Man ain't Iron with you. It's because you're too busy Ms. once a week or month. Why are you so surprised that he's no "Man of Steel" when you decide to give him a piece? Stop worrying about where he is or what he's doing. Remember you're too tired staying busy or too busy staying tired. Either way you're one "Tired ass" to us. Who wants that? No one does trust me. He'd rather spend his money with that H#@ at the strip club. At least she got sense enough to pay him some attention while she's taking his money. She may not be Lil Ms. Bonnet or know how to cook or clean a damn thing, but, at least we know one thing for sure-She ain't too busy while we're spending and have a pocket full of money. Maybe you "busy as hell housewives and girlfriends" need to take a page out of the H%# manual. Give him what he wants and he'll keep coming back for more. Or, don't give him what he wants and somebody will. He's your man, so do what you want. Just don't get caught off guard when some "Busy beaver" finds him with sense enough to keep her "Beaver busy."
Secret 9 You've tried dating the brothers, but it's always a different story with them. If it ain't a problem with this, then he's having another problem with that. In short...they've got too many problems for you. Now, "White Chocolate" has been trying to holler at you for years. But you never gave him any play because you knew it would be a problem on Thanksgiving. But, since the brothers can't seem to get it together, then you just might have to give "Chocolate" a second look. You ain't got no more time to be wasting. Plus, he's cute. Stability is the most important thing. You want someone you can trust to stay out of the streets. You don't want some joker who can't keep a job but promises you the world. You're too smart and too old for those childish games. You've never been with a "White Boy" because you heard they had a small "you know what". But, who cares about that. You also heard they could eat some "Banana Pudding". Plus, if "he ain't lickin', he ain't stickin"...that's your motto. Buddy looks good, clean cut, sharp dresser, nice car and knows how to treat a lady. He ain't got no problem holding the doors or giving a sister flowers. Who could have a problem with that? So the hell with what the folks are thinking. You're going to give him a shot. If it doesn't work out, all you wasted was a little time. Ok ladies, here we go again...There are too many sisters judging the brothers over a few bad experiences then making assumptions about a race of people you have no clue about. Guess what Lil Momma..."White Chocolate" has got problems too? Didn't your Momma tell you that the "Grass isn't Greener" on the other side? Didn't Daddy tell you that his "Grass gotta get Mowed too?" Date who you like, it's your life. Just don't fool yourself and think it's much better over there. It's just different. So...how do the brothers really feel when sisters are getting banged by the "White Boys"? They fill no different then how the sisters feel every time they see a proud Black Man with a little money...running around with a "White Girl" on his arm..."Pissed Off as Hell" !!!
Secret 10 Even if you think you are the finest chick or baddest b#tch on the planet, black men were not placed in this world to pay your bills. Head of household means just that, "Head of House." Therefore, if you don't share a home with this man, then your bills are not his. It doesn't matter whether he's sleeping with you or not. "Pay your own bills." Brothers hate financing a piece of ass. Especially, if she isn't the wife to be period...point blank. It doesn't matter if the sex is the greatest he's ever had or if you've got the biggest ass he's ever seen...they're still your bills. So, if you want to run his cheap ass off quickly, ask him for his money. Or better yet, ask him for your bill money. How about that? You want your man to pay your bills because you think you're the greatest he's ever had in bed with the prettiest breast he's ever seen; Sounds a lot like prostitution to us. Now... if you have a generous (Sugar Daddy) man offering a little financial support, then, be grateful. Don't be fooled if he's offering you a little pocket money to get your hair and toes done. Or giving you a "Lil something" to blow at the Mall. Don't think he's doing it for no reason at all. He knows he's leasing with the option to buy. Trust that he's considering trading you in. That's right. He wants to trade up on the new body style with lower miles...you know someone who doesn't beg, and expect so much, or say, "He should know what I need, and I shouldn't have to ask." You know who you are. Don't get it twisted. You're just another bill. He doesn't want to pay. If you add a couple of hungry ass kids to the picture, now you've really got yourself "One Hell of a Monthly Bill!" So get pissed if you want. They're still your bills. Go ahead; keep on asking for this and that. When he has heard enough, you'll be left doing what you should have been doing in the first place-"Working your own Job, and Paying Your Own Bills." Quit it...Stop it, you know what you're being paid for. Stop acting like a "Project Chick"...Sorry I mean..."Project B#tch!!!"
Part 2: A HEALTHY SELF-IMAGE
Baby Momma Drama
Secret 11 If you are a brother unfortunate enough to have had a child or children out of wedlock not engaged or married to the mother of your kid(s), then you already know the rotation. Your life is going to be a living hell with nothing but pain, misery and aggravation to show for it. Don't even consider having a new girlfriend or wife. Now, she's over to your house beating on the door, for what? Saving her baby from that evil bit#h you have living with you? Then, once you call the police on this lunatic, and they tell her to go home or she'll be arrested. She's back again the following week hollering from down the street or around the corner...where's my baby? She could pass for a stalker. But, we'd rather call her crazy as hell. She's always complaining about this or that. You can never do enough for her or your child that will ever please her. Don't pretend to be not bothered by all this foolishness. Now she's secretly calling child services hoping they'll suspend your driver’s license for failure to pay the child support on time. It's one problem after the next dealing with this lady, and to be honest, it’s unnecessary. Another bitter "Baby Momma" plotting on how she's going to make you pay for that mistake for the rest of your life. She's such a constant pain in the ass; we're starting to think jail could be a better option rather than facing her every week for visitation. But, between asking permission to visit your own flesh and blood and keeping your child support payments current, the humiliating tasks have just begun. Some brothers would prefer not to have it this way. But convincing your child's mother of this is just a waste of time. It's unfortunate but most sisters are so bitter, hurt, disappointed and disgusted with this picture that you would have a better chance trying to sell sight to a blind man. Fact of the matter is most men regret being part of this hopeless situation. They wish they could turn back the hands of time. It's an aggravating position to be in year after year. Some unreasonable sisters think that a man would knowingly decide to have a child by her and subject himself to a life-time of pain and misery. This is also one of the primary reasons why men resent following the court ordered visitation and child support procedures. What black man wants to be told by any stranger when he may visit his own child? Are you kidding me? Not many? If you are a sister in a similar situation with a "Baby Daddy," then try to understand how you would feel if your child's father had primary custody. How would you feel if you were the one who had to call for an appointment to visit your own seed? How would you feel if you were required by law to pay child support, with no say where your funds went? You may begin to feel like most of us,-"Helpless... like a penny with a hole in it!"
Secret 12 When the brothers hear the term Hoochie, the first thing that comes to mind is "H#@"the up-scaled version. She may not stand on the corner trying to turn a trick, but she'll trick your ass never the less. The biggest difference between Hoochie and H#@'s is patience. Hooches have learned how to wait for what they want. H#%s wants it now. In the end, the results are all the same, a loss. This is a big problem for the low budget, perpetrating brothers who can't afford to lose a penny. It's an even bigger issue for the professional athletes, entertainers and high rollers who can afford the lifestyle, but hate wasting their time and money. In the back of these brothers' mind, they're hoping this sister is different. She's different all right. She takes more over a longer period of time-a lot more. So, it should be of no surprise why men have a hard time trusting this kind of sister. Too many black women are still hustling baby milk, happy meals, utility bills, car notes, rent and (if you're real lucky,) "Mortgage payments." It's a headache dating grown, "Independent working Women" who for some strange reason, become "Very dependent" every first of the month. What's even worse for the brothers is trying to decide which one of her bills you're not paying this month. Trust me he'll have plenty to choose from. Listen sistas and understand one simple rule. If a brother loves and cares for you, then naturally your problems are his and vice versa. However, if the two of you are just dating or bed partners, then the best man or woman wins. He'll be trying to get the booty with the least amount of time and money invested. You'll be doing the exact opposite. So, ladies, if you are interested in acquiring a quality man, then elevate your "Hoochie" mentality. When it's all said and done, black men prefer to invest their time and finances in ladies not "Ho#s" Sorry I mean, "Hoochies".
Heads or Tails
Secret 13 Every Kingdom has one King: Every Country has one President. Every City has one Mayor. Every Company has one Boss. Every School has one Principal. Every team has one Coach. And every household has one "Head of House". This being said, there's nothing wrong with queens, vice presidents, vice principles, assistant coaches or wives. As long as you are willing to accept your role and position as consultant or adviser. Making half of the money doesn't make you Co-King, Co-President or Co-Head of House. It does make you a good earner. So it happens you make more money than your man then good for you. Now, the two of you have more money to put into the pot. If this sounds a little harsh, it is! Fact still remains that major decisions have to be made everyday in every household. Someone has to make the call. When you choose a husband in your life, you are saying by that choice, he's the man for the job. That's your choice...to choose who you want to be the Head (not the tail) of your home. It's called submitting to the man that you chose to make those important decisions. There's nothing wrong with submitting to your man. If he's an idiot, pick another man but don't steal his position. Every person has a purpose. Everything has a place. In every relationship there should be one major decision maker and one advisor-not two of each. Black men are not interested in having their authority challenged or disputed by well intended sisters. Nor are men interested in entertaining sisters with aspirations of being co-pilots of the household. We appreciate the extra financial help. But, making more money doesn't give you "Head of House" status. Head of House means just that. If you're interested in being the head, maybe you should reconsider being single. Sisters, I know I've pissed you off "But, let's keep it real". Do you really want a weak man who you can tell what to do? Or, do you want a strong brother who makes good decisions most of the time? Do you really want an irresponsible man who never has a clue what decision to make in critical situations? Do you? Or, are you looking for someone responsible and stable enough who has a plan for the future of your family? If you have found a man willing and able to accept this level of responsibility, then you've got yourself a good one. Try supporting his decisions and advising him when you see fit. As long as he puts his family first, you have no worries. Support him and be ready to step in if he should become ill or injured. That's your role. But, if you have to be the "Head", then chances are you've picked a "Tail". "Who Wants That"? You just may have to "Keep flipping that Coin!"
Busy Doing Nothing
Secret 14 There's nothing better than having a sister who doesn't mind working. If you'll work two or three jobs to support your family, then our hats come off to you. Brothers love a sister who ain't scared to work. But we definitely have a problem with the sisters who don't know when to quit. You'll work day and night, weekends and holidays. When you come home, it's always late and you're always tired. That's all you seem to do work, sleep, and complain about both. Sex with you is going to be terrible. Why? You're always sleepy or tired as hell. Believe what you like. But if you work a lot of hours, then there will be problems at home. Relationships take time and energy just like anything else worth having. If you're constantly working long hours, then how do you expect the relationship to grow? Men can't love what they can't see. Work those excessive hours if you like. Someone else will be paying attention to your man. He's not interested in hearing about your assignments due in the morning. Neither is he interested in hearing about what your boss needs. Your man needs you at home. If you're too naive to understand this, then you shouldn't be surprised when your relationship starts to have problems. Your man may be understanding and supportive in the beginning. But, I wouldn't push it. Work on your relationship. That should be the most important thing to you-"Your Family"! Jobs and bosses come and go. Don't sacrifice your family for a job. In the long run, it won't be worth it. Learn how to manage your time. Don't be the employee ready to go above and beyond the call of duty. Save that stuff for the single girls who don't know any better. Don't worry about losing your job. If you're good at it, you can't be replaced. Stop worrying about what the boss will think. He'll always have an assignment that was due yesterday. Stop trying to catch up on every late assignment. It was late for a reason. Just do what you can; and do it within your workday. What's not complete can wait until tomorrow. Stop living on a treadmill of unfinished assignments. There will always be work and always someone willing to do it. "Just don't let that person keep being you!"
Your Credit, Won’t Get It
Secret 15 If you happen to be one of the million sisters with bad credit, don't be embarrassed, as long as it's not a requirement that the brother in question has to have excellent credit. But, if you happen to be one of the fortunate sisters who has always managed to pay her bills on (or) before the due date, then good for you. It's even better for you, if you should get lucky enough to find a man with a better score than yourself. Unfortunately, bad credit and black men seem to go hand and hand, which could explain why some men are either living with their parents or paying rent. As sad as it is, most black men have yet to understand the power of cash and credit. Many men haven't understood that it takes both to make any major moves in our society. Mortgage companies don't give a "hoot" about how much cash you have, if you can't explain where it came from. Likewise, excellent credit and (no) cash puts you in the same predicament, if not sooner then later. Fortunately, with a little knowledge, effort, discipline and cash, circumstances can change and bad credit can be repaired. So, if you've had the distinct pleasure of owning excellent credit, then you know these facts to be true, "It can change over-night". In fact, if you should lose your job or are hospitalized, it can be ruined in (90) days. Three months to lose your house, car, job and perfect credit. Credit scores change all the time. One or two bad investments or late payments, and it just dropped 100 points. Add a repo or a foreclosure, and it just dropped another 100 points. Now your 800, has just turned into a 600, and we all know you can't get very far with that. So don't be so quick to keep your nose in the air...Ms. "Bad Credit, Big Problem," because you may need that brother to help wipe that running nose and those tearing eyes. Better yet, you may need his help paying those minimum balances. Don't be so quick to judge the other guy, or the next person with poor credit could be you.
Secret 16 This chapter goes out to all the women who have to know the truth "By any means necessary". Sisters who say "Just tell me the truth" and nothing but the truth. Here we have professionals at catching their man and hopefully in the act. She'll answer his cell phone, check emails, press star 69, deprogram security codes, open mail, interview family members, search vehicles, organize search teams, count condoms, sniff underwear, recruit kids, use girlfriends or kids as double agents, and in some extreme cases, hire a legitimate private investigator. Well, for the brother unfortunate enough to have this kind of sister in his life, "May God be with you". He's the only one who can assist with this type of psychotic female. This sister is a hunter and hunters love the catch. She's a person who will go to any length to find a clue or solve a crime. What crime you ask? Don't worry. She'll come up with one. CSI or Forensic Files don't have s#it on her, she's a professional. Jail may be better than dealing or living with this person. If you are smart enough to have a little self esteem left, leave this woman alone. You won't be able to save her; trained professionals may have a slim chance. So ladies, if you happen to be one of these special creatures, seek help fast. No reasonable man in his right mind is going to put up with this kind of behavior. What behavior you ask?-Low self-esteem which is not to be confused with caring for your man. Maybe caring for yourself sounds more like it, GET HELP QUICK!!!
Damn if you do
Secret 17 You hate a lying ass man...period, point blank. It makes you F##in' sick. The lies these guys tell to get a piece of ass. This joker is married telling you he's single, gay on the "down-low" pretending to be straight, or broke as hell perpetrating riches. It's senseless as far as you're concerned because you probably would have given him a piece anyway. But, because he's so F##in' stupid and won't tell the truth, he can kiss your black ass "GoodBye". You hate a liar and don't have a clue what the problem is or why men do it. Just keep it real. That's your motto...Tell the Damn Truth! All these lying ass men are driving you nuts. You don't see the point. If he's lying, it's just a matter of time before you find out. Why can't men just tell you the truth and let you make up your own mind about what you want to do. Instead, he's making your mind up for you. Why not tell the truth? It's so much easier that way. You're a big girl. You can handle the truth. If he really cared, then he'd care enough to tell the truth in the first place instead of lying all the time about trivial childish stuff. Ok, ladies, here's the problem and one reason why men lie. If you're the type of lady who has strong convictions about this, or the other, then guess what? You're going to hear the lies. Men are attempting to get one thing-"Booty". He'll say whatever to get it. No man in his right mind will tell the truth if doing so will block his ultimate plans. Stop being naive, ladies in thinking dishonest men is going to be honest with you. You want the truth? Open your eyes. Trust what you see. Stop trusting in what he says. If he loves you, he'll treat you like so. If he doesn't want to be with you, he won't. Stop asking all the obvious questions and getting your feelings hurt in the process. Actions always speak louder than words. Didn't your Momma tell you that? Trust what you see and it won't matter what he says.
Over Weight Lovers
Secret 18 It's always a sensitive topic when it comes to the "Over weight-Big boned" ladies. So, I'll attempt to make a creditable point without hurting anyone's feelings. Whatever the reason, (genetics, poor diet, addiction, denial or lack of exercise), when it comes to obese women, it's very simple. "It looks terrible." Now, without question, some men love a super sized female. For the ladies fortunate enough to have a man like this, then good for you. But the hard facts of the matter is this-most men are ashamed to have a large female on his arm in public, even more embarrassed to see her tail naked in private. Not to mention those "Big-girls" interested in foreplay and other late night extracurricula activities, that's another story. So here's the drill, you can "Wobble" around if you like. Unless this man is attracted to a over-sized flat ass, overlapping stomachs, double backs, bed sores, sagging breast, skin rashes, sweat pockets, stretch marks, strange body odors, and a girl who sweats a lot and breathes real hard, you can rest assured his performance in bed will be below par, if that. Women overweight to this degree aren't always the case. But, if you happen to be one of those sistas in this condition, imagine the horror you would feel when confronted with the same site. It's not a pretty or comfortable position for a man to be in when asked why you aren't affectionate in public or private. The harsh reality is that, your "Over weight" issue is a problem...and your problem, not his. Don't expect a man to love a body you stopped loving years ago. Don't expect him to be proud of something you knowingly are ashamed of yourself. Your weight problem should be addressed like any other debilitating problem-one day at a time. You didn't put the weight on in one day, so it's going to take longer than one day to take it off. Do yourself a favor and take care of the one thing that's yours "Your Body". Don't be mad at that unaffectionate man. You did it to yourself.
Secret 19 Damn, "Black Woman," you've really done well for yourself. I see you went back to school graduated from college, and even got your Master's and PH.D. You still look great and haven't gained a pound. You must be a member of a health club. Your 5 bed-rooms house and three car garage is gorgeous. Are you kidding me? You should be proud of yourself. You have a great career, great home and did it all without the help of a man. There's one little problem-No man! It's not like you're not looking. You just can't seem to find anyone on your "Level". All the good ones are either married, taken or gay. "Pickings are Slim" for a sister. You didn't put in all that hard work to settle for anything. You're trying to go to the next level. The last thing you need is a dead weight pulling you backwards. Life is too short for that. You're not willing to risk everything you've worked for in a bitter divorce. He's batting out of his league if he thinks you'll accept anything less or "lower your standards". Ladies, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you are wrong for feeling the way you do. Successful men run into the same issues regarding women all the time. But, here's the biggest difference, some black men will take a chance on the high school sweetheart or even a high school graduate. He's not looking for someone on his level. He's looking for someone who has "Love for Him". The sister who had enough love for him when he had nothing to offer is the same person who'll stay with him if he loses everything. She didn't care if he was successful or not. She likes nice things. But, she learned a long time ago how to be happy with less. That's the sister he'll take a chance on. That's the brother you should take a chance on also. Stop getting caught up in a selfish, materialistic world with no one to share it with. There is always a bigger home, bigger car and a better paying job. There is always someone smarter, someone in better shape and, always, somebody prettier than you. The odds may have been "Slim Pickings", but your "Unrealistic expectations" made it that way. Find a kind brother with a good heart, good character, strong morals, strong work ethic and there's a good chance...I'll See You, At The Altar!!!
Blind Leading the Blind
If a sister happens to have two or more friends and sleeping with both, as far as black men are concerned you are a "Hoe" plain and simple. If, on the other hand, you're seeing one seriously and dating the other on the side, you're still a "Hoe". Lastly, if you're sleeping with neither, but dating both, you're a "Hoe" still...OK, maybe a good "Hoe". When it comes to the brothers, anyway you cut it; it's still whoring to us. It doesn't matter if she's dating males or females. We don't like it. Some women may say "men have been playing the field for years, so what's good for them is good for us". Well, ladies, you are correct on this point. Men have been doing this for years and some all of their lives. This is why we have such a big problem accepting the same behavior in women. We know that it is wrong. We also know first hand the headaches that come along with playing the field. It's not pretty. Keeping up with this lie and that lie, sleeping with this person and that person-sometimes on the same day, is not only trifling, nasty and tiring, but, also very expensive. Most men will eventually go broke trying to maintain this lifestyle, or break under all the stress of dealing with the different personalities. Hopefully, with time and maturity, most brothers will learn how to stop this destructive behavior. Some never will. The way we see it-if we know we are nasty, whorish, lying, cheating dogs, then why would we want a controlling, manipulating, cheating wife or girlfriend with the same problem.
Part 3: POWER OF THOUGHTS
Baby Too Phat
Secret 21 You think you look sexy don't ya, Lil Momma, with that glued in weave-excuse me. I mean braided in tracks. You make certain that your make-up is always flawless with just a touch of lip-gloss. I see you got that tattoo you've always wanted right above your ass. Now you've got six. It doesn't matter that you've picked up a few pounds in the midsection; you're still wearing a baby tee even if you do look three months pregnant. Who cares if your belly is overlapping the belt buckle? You still got a phat-ass and a pretty face. Let's not forget about those little saggy tattooed breasts in that push-up bra. Yea...your fake cleavage still looks good. Yep...you've got it going on alright. These bit#hes just hate you for it. You don't know why. You ain't bothering them. They're just mad because you didn't eat everything in sight and all the men still go nuts when you walk into the room. That's right, they all go crazy. You can't blame them. Hell...you look good...or...so you think!!! Well, Lil Momma, we go crazy alright trying to figure how were you able to squeeze into those little ass clothes. "That doesn’t fit". Why are you showing off your "Baby oiled" pot-belly in that extra small baby tee? And what's it going to take to get your ass into the bedroom? We may give you that second look you were hoping for. We may even ask you for your name or phone number. But, we're not thinking wife or girlfriend. No need to wonder. But here's a clue "Hotel!" If you wanted to be treated like a lady, then you should consider dressing like one. Stop thinking you can wear anything at anytime or any place and get our respect. Trust me. With all the "Baby-fat" and everything else hanging everywhere, it's hard to think of any other place we'd rather take you besides the...gym!
Girl on Fire
Secret 22 The two of you fight like cats and dogs. He has called you everything you can think of but the "Son of God". You've seriously considered digging a hole for this guy. But, the thought of getting caught wasn’t worth the headaches. Warnings don't seem to work with this man. You've told him. "You're not the one." But, he'll still kick your ass anyway. A visit to the dentist seems like a better option. You can't stand another "Assault battery" charge. Simply put, you can't stand this wanna-be gangster. If it wasn't for common sense you would have put him in intensive care a long time ago. He doesn't have a clue how close he has come to being on the news. You're just to "Damn Stupid", too move on. You don't know why you stay. He's disrespectful, inconsiderate, belligerent, and arrogant as hell. With a six-pack of other issues, you don't care to discuss. Why not just move on? Nevertheless, days have turned into weeks; even months and you're still "Bumping uglies" with this man, for what? You don't plan on marrying him. He has already told you he's not interested. But, what you can't seem to understand? If you're such a sorry ass, ugly, overweight, broke, bad in bed sister, then why is he still "Sweating you"? This is the million-dollar question that you can't seem to answer. Why you? He claims women "Ain't a problem". He could have his pick of the litter. Then again, why you? Why are you so lucky to have this piece of crap, in your sorry ass life? You must serve some purpose. He just doesn't know and neither do you. So what's next...? Move on before you "Kill him”, go to jail; or worse “Don’t kill him”, and still go to jail? You've seen "Snapped" haven't you. It only takes a moment to do something you'll regret for a life-time. Move on and do it quickly. He isn't worth it and never was. You've placed too much attention on what everybody thinks. You know you're in a bad relationship. You don't need Momma to tell you that. Move on plain and simple throw that fish back into the water. As far as the saying goes, "There are more fish in the sea", well you'll never find that out...until you do this very simple thing..."Burn that Bridge"!!!
The Good Old Days
Secret 23 What happened to the days when two people met for the first time fell in love and lived happy ever after? What happened to the days when couples dated so long that they started to look like brothers and sisters and were inseparable? What happened to cuddling at night under the fireplace and taking long baths together? What happened to looking forward to seeing each other everyday and talking on the phone all night about nothing? What happened to long walks in the rain, going to bad movies, and kissing in the balcony? What happened to flowers and gifts for no reason at all, late night dinners at the favorite hot spot? What happened to dressing up and going out to a play, nightclub or local bar? What happen to those days when you would brag to your girlfriends about what a wonderful man you had and having sex everyday of the week and sometimes twice a day? What ever happened to falling in love because they you loved each other for who you were? Are those days gone when two people could get together for love only and the material things that pass away? Are those days long gone when two people married for love and stayed together through thick and thin? What happened to love? Did we forget how to love someone? Do we love ourselves enough to love someone else unconditionally? Or do we plan to keep looking for what others are and what they can do for us? How many broken relationships and bitter divorces is it going to take for you to get it? How many relationships will you have to lose before you start loving people for the correct reasons? Is it still possible to find someone who you love and who loves you back? What happened to the good old days when being happy and in love were more important than wealth, beauty and success? What happened to the days when being happy meant more than paying a bill on time? What happened to the good old days?
Secret 24 It started out a casual thing you did every now and then among friends. Then, you did it when you were a little bored. Now, ten years later, its everyday and in some cases, three times per day. You call it recreation, we call it recklessness. Here is an addiction that has taken on a life of its own. You can't control the urges. You feel tempted all the time. You've tried praying about it but the devil keeps you in a head-lock. Quitting is out of the question. You're grown. Your girlfriend has been trying to warn you. Family members have tried to help you. But, it's like you stated earlier...you're grown. You're not stopping; and you don't have to answer to anybody. Now, whether your vice happens to be tobacco, alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, pornography, food, or excessive spending, your addiction has now become our problem. Thanks for the additional headaches. It wasn't as if we didn't have enough to worry about already. Now, because you're so unpredictable, we're wondering which "Jekyll & Hyde", is showing up at the party. How can you expect us to handle a problem that's clearly out of your control? So, you shouldn't be surprised that you can't seem to get or keep a quality man. Real men aren't concerned about dealing with women who have serious issues that should have been addressed prior to the relationship. Men with common sense aren't thinking about marrying females with crippling and debilitating personal problems. Neither is he looking forward to having a family, kids or a dog with you...forget about it! Your best bet is to go to rehab, get some professional help or consider counseling. We're not interested in a sister who hopes she'll find someone whose addiction isn't as strong as hers. We're not considering being with a sister whose remedy to this problem is "Either deal with it or leave". That's exactly what we wanted to hear. We'll see you later...hopefully in another life. Stop living in denial. Everyone doesn't have an addiction...get some help!!!
Secret 25 You do what you want, say what you feel. If anyone has a problem with that, "tuffs luck." If it makes you feel good, you do it. If it hurts other people’s feelings, so be it. It's really about decisions you've made to look out for the only one that really matters-"yourself." Whether anyone agrees with you or not, it makes no difference to you. You're the only one in charge of your happiness. You've had to learn this lesson the hard way. So, a long time ago, you sat down and decided things are going to be a lot different. Some dead-lines will have to be set. You realized that some of your decisions may affect others mentally, emotionally and financially, but, like you said earlier, "it's your life and it's your call." It's not a matter of being right or wrong. It's more about doing what you want to without consideration or regard for other peoples feelings or opinions. It's a new day and you're not going to stand around and watch time pass you by. So, that job you hate going to everyday well you'll be quitting that soon. That so-called girlfriend that's been talking behind your back-well, guess what? You've got some words for her. Let's not forget about that sorry ass man of yours. Things haven't been going good for months. Well he's history too. No more losses for you. Today is a new day, new job, new friends and a new man. As far as you're concerned, this is a quick fix to all your problems and a fresh start for your "New life." In theory, this attitude sounds great. You are responsible for your own happiness. However, the other reality is this, your decisions good or bad will affect other people as well as yourself. What good is independence and free will if you hurt the very people who really had the most love for you? Now what's right about that?!
Secret 26 You've known your condition for years-always infected and always testing positive for something. He never asked so you didn't tell. Your kitty cat has been smelling and leaking to high hell for weeks. Those pantie liners stay soaked and it ain't because you're horny. You know what the problem is. You've been here before. He should have used a condom. But, just like a dog, "he'd stick that thing in the dirt if it had a hole". As far as you're concerned, all men ain't sh#t anyway. You've got a medicine cabinet full of antibiotics to prove it. He doesn't love you. You don't love him. It was just sex and you could care less if it was anything more. The last man you cared anything about ran all over your feelings, dogged you out, even infected you with God knows what. You hate men. Any man who comes along after him is surely going to pay. Those days of you being a nice girl are over. Any dog that comes your way will be taking home a small package and you ain't talking about fleas! It's a surprise he hadn't caught anything earlier with all the STD's out here. But, since he thinks he's Mr. Big Stuff, you've got something that will slow his ass down. Men are forever thinking with the head between their legs and worrying about the consequences later. So why worry about another irresponsible, ruthless, dog in the streets. He got what was coming to him. "He reaped what he sowed". You'll probably never see him anyway, so what's the big deal. He's just another dog that's had his day, another man that's caught up in his own game, a man who fell into his own trap. He should have been more careful. You're not taking anymore birth control or antibiotics. So, whatever he picks up crawling into your bed, then good...f##k him. He ain't sh#t. While this may be true, there's a small little problem with this picture. That animal has a name, Mom and Dad, and, possibly, family who has "Unconditional" love for him even if you don't. So, what kind of person would knowingly place men in this kind of deadly predicament? What would you call a female like this? A bit#h would be an understatement.
Secret 27 These older men aren't worth a "fart in the wind". If it isn't one thing then it's another. If he's not having a problem "Keeping up", he's having another "Keeping it up". Either way, between all the backaches, headaches and tired complaints, it appears as though this man could give a damn whether you're satisfied or not. Don't get me wrong, you love the security of a refined, dignified, established and financially stable older man. But, there's more to life than this. There's more to life than paying bills and saving money for retirement. You're not dead yet and you're tired of acting like it. How about a young man, soft music, candle light dinners, bubble baths, walks on the beach, full body massages and a little "You Know What"? How about that? These were supposed to be the best years of your life, but it's starting to look like the worst. You're not happy with this man. In fact you're pretty damn disgusted with it all. You thought things were going to be a lot better than this. You've been hanging on to that promise and this man as long as you could remember. Now things are going to change. You're tired of the "Not Tonight Honey" song and dance. You've been considering doing something crazy anyway like dating a man half your age. What's wrong with that? Men do it all the time. Nothing's wrong with dating younger men as long as you understand you're not getting any younger. So don't be surprised, when wrinkles and arthritis set in, that he's got his eyes set on something a little younger-you know, more his age. Don't be shocked when the young man grows up and wants something more than a "Little old lady".
Anything Won’t Do
Secret 28 Now you're the type of lady if you see something you want, you go for it. Some people may call it aggressive; you call it, knowing what you want. You've never been the kind of lady who stands around and waits on a man; you never have and never will. If he's too passive you don't have any problem making the first move. If this doesn't work, you've got a few tricks up your sleeve too. Either way, if you see it, and want it, it's yours. It's been this way since you were a little girl and you don't plan to change anytime soon, plus you like a challenge. Wives and girlfriends are just another minor obstacle and any kids are just part of the package. You've been here before, it's no big deal, you've been making sacrifices all of your life to get what you want and it's no different now. Well deep down you know this man isn't your type, he doesn't love you, and you know this. He's been talking about that same ring and house for years and you still have neither. You know there isn't a future with this man but you just can't seem to throw that fish back in the water. Maybe it's those sexy eyes, fine ass body, fancy car and good paying job that kept you coming back for more. Whatever the reason, you don't plan on giving him up anytime soon, even if he does treat you like a dog. All the ladies want him, so you claim. Who cares about that anyway? Momma told you, "if you can't love the one you want, then love the one you're with". Great advice if you planned on being single, unhappy and disappointed down the road, twisted up in a relationship that ends up nowhere. You said it yourself he doesn't love you, what more do you need to know than this. When does loving yourself become more important than loving the man? When do you realize that you are responsible for your own happiness? When will you realize that, "a little bit of something, ain't nothing at all"?
Three the Hard Way
Secret 29 Now you have done some crazy things in your life but this rate high on your list. You've often considered a threesome to turn up the heat, but nothing so far has done the trick. Mr. Man doesn't have a problem with your fantasy, he's been thinking about it too. Your only problem is finding a willing participant. You'd rather have another man, "that would be hot" but you don't want to hear his mouth. Another woman would probably work better, but you're not a lesbian and you don't need him falling in love. Either way you cut it picking the right person for this adventure is going to be tricky. A stranger could cause serious health issues, if you are not careful and choosing a close friend is another bad idea. This creates a different problem because now you have a friend in your private business and your bedroom. Fact remains this bright idea is turning out to be a headache and in most cases it's just that. It's one problem after the next. If he's not too rough, she's too aggressive. This is not to mention the predetermined rules of whom does what to whom...what's OK and what's not. Then there is always the possibility of you both enjoying the threesome experience more than planned. This is where the real problems begin. Can you trust this man or yourself to leave the experience in the bedroom? If the two of you manage to make it successfully through these different layers of potential problems and remain friends or lovers, then that's great. But chances are things won't go as planned, rules got changed along the way. You saw and did some things you regret, now in the morning you wished it was all a dream. Well, you only have yourself to blame because when it comes to some fantasies, it's sometimes best to leave them just that, "FANTASIES".
All My Children
Secret 30 Many years ago your Momma told you to keep your legs closed until you got married. But you knew everything and wouldn't listen. She told you that boy was up to no good, but you thought you were in love. Well, you got pregnant on the first try, kept it a secret until it was too late. Now your "crumb snatcher" is on the way. You were a little too young for all the responsibility. So Momma decided to pick up the slack until you graduated from high school. Now you're a little older, met another man, fell in love with him too. Didn't use protection and guess what, pregnant again. You don't believe in abortions (maybe you should), so now you have two kids and two baby daddies. Big Momma, Nana, Momma Dear or whoever you decided to call her, can't believe this mess. She didn't sign up for being a grand-parent at thirty something. She can't live her life, because she's busy, baby sitting your children, while you're out playing Lil Momma. You'd think that you would have it figured out by now, but you keep making the same mistakes with these men. Now you're thirty something, the kids are almost teenagers and you've met another brother, so we already know this story. Here we go again with the same song and dance...pregnant again...Damn! It's beyond ridiculous, three kids, three daddies, three child support checks, not married, no contenders, only pretenders. One child is forgivable, two is pushing it, three is unbelievable and anything beyond this is pure stupidity...if you're still single. Men are not looking for sisters with this much baggage, and if you're thinking different...you're delusional. It's a lot to ask any man to deal with, whether he loves you or not. If he decides to accept this level of responsibility, I'm certain he was God sent. But nine times out of ten, I would suggest you sit down somewhere and do like your Mom told you years ago, "keep your legs closed until you get married. Or wait until the kids grow up and hopefully they'll use better sense than their, "Know it all Momma". These children may be a gift from God to you, but to a brother looking for a wife, it's a different story. He may never say it, but he'll never feel comfortable on Father's Day. He'll never quite know what to say when the kids get out of line, because when it's all said and done, "All Those Children"...really..."All Belong To You".
Part 4: LET IT GO
Secret 31 You thought he was attractive and his conversation was above par. Not only was he handsome, but he also appeared to have some class. You decided long before he introduced himself to you that you would give him a little play, as long as he didn't slip up and say something ignorant. So, after a little small talk you find out he's married but instead of sending him on his way, you decided to play the flirt game. Good conversation turned into a date offer and you accept. Once you get home and start talking to a few girlfriends on the phone you realizes one thing, "He's Married." Your date goes great which turns into a first kiss, which later develops into a night in the bedroom. Sex was a lot better than you expected and the more you thought about it, who cares about his wife, at home. As a matter of fact you're not looking for anything serious, so there are no problems as far as you're concerned. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into years. Now you love him, he loves you, but there is still one problem, "He's Married." You knew this a year ago, but instead of sending him on his way, you do the exact opposite and stay in the game. Hopefully, you're thinking if you are lucky he'll come to his senses, leave his wife and come running back to you, but he doesn't. So now you're dating a married man, in love and frustrated with the direction of the relationship, wondering when is he getting a divorce. But guess what, he doesn't want to get a divorce, better yet he realizes two ladies are better than one. Finally, you figure out, you can't take him home for the Holidays and he realizes he's not interested in going. Other than great sex and a good friend, he's not interested in anything more. When you think about it, it's your own fault, "He's Married," which means just that, married with a wife and possibly children at home. You decided to date a married man and take your chances on love and a relationship. He was never yours to begin with and hoping he would leave his family for you was your second mistake. Married men are just that, married and taken, or possibly just with somebody else. Any female attempting to interfere with this union is taking a serious risk not only with this man's family, but also with her self-esteem. If you truly love yourself, you will send him on his way next time. Instead of falling into the same old hole that many, "So-called intelligent women" do everyday.
Any Means Necessary
Secret 32 You've got yourself one huge problem. You're in your late thirties and don't have any kids whatsoever. It's not because you didn't want any, you're just not having any luck having one. You and your husband have been trying for years to have children and you can't seem to figure it out. You don't have a clue what's going on but from your perspective, "Nothing's happening." To make matters worse he'd rather masturbate looking at porn hidden under the bed, than have sex with you. Your sexual appetite is pretty high, you'd admit that. So Mr. Man looking at pregnant porn stars is aggravating as hell. You've had some medical issues in the past but nothing that could stop you from having kids. You even had a miscarriage years ago, that was devastating but you've managed to put that behind you. All you do is drink and smoke a little bit nothing serious, so you can't see what the problem is. Well, some kind of way because of your appetite, you ended up with a boyfriend on the side. Lover-boy has love for you but he's got kids of his own. You two are (f'in) two to three times a week, so if you get pregnant chances are it'll probably be his. You never wanted it this way but at this point in the road, whoever gets you pregnant first is the baby’s daddy. You've been banging both for a few months and nothing has happened. You have taken a few pregnancy tests and the same results...negative. At this point you don't care how you get pregnant you just want a baby. You've tried counting the days after your last period Zippo...nothing, even tried fertility pills and still no results. The end results are this, "You need some sperm and need it quick." If the lover boy gets you pregnant first, then the husband has got to go. But if hubby gets you pregnant, you ain't mad but you don't want to stay with him either. The way you see it, all you need is some fertilizer and you'll take it from there. If neither wants to do the right thing and be a good "Baby Daddy" then who cares, you didn't need them anyway. You've made up your mind that by "Any Means Necessary," you're going to have a baby and you don't give a sh#t how reckless this story sounds. That's the point...every time a man meets a female in her late thirties, early forties we already know the drill, and you’re looking for a sperm-donor. If you haven't been married and no kids, then we really have to keep our eyes on you. Don't think for one minute we're naive about the reality of this situation. We know we've got ourselves one desperate sister, and why wouldn't she be. So wait to have kids at the last minute if you want. You'll be running around like the "Lunatic" sister above willing to do anything at any cost. Now what kind of “Crazy ass decision making is that?"
My Sorry Ass Man
Secret 33 You've been with him for years, longer than you care to remember. But somewhere along the way you thought things were going to be a lot different. Maybe not the "Rushing through the Meadow," story but somewhere pretty damn close. You kept it real about the "White Picket Fence" song and dance that might be a stretch of the imagination. You didn't expect him to be perfect but the harsh reality about your "Knight in Shining Armor" is starting to take shape. He's "No Man of Steel." In fact, as far as you're concerned he's no where close. Not even close enough to that man you called your father, which we won't even discuss. We'll have to save that story for another chapter. But anyways after all this time, things haven't gotten much better. In fact, if you really want to be honest they've have gotten worst. This man is so damn pitiful and trifling that you're embarrassed to mention his name in public. You're still wondering, "What did I see in this guy" in the first place. The sex is terrible, he's overweight, lazy, has bad credit, dead-broke, a "Sorry Ass Dad," and just a "Sorry Ass Man". So the million dollar question is this, where do you go from here? Do you keep him or leave him? Hell, trade his ass in on a new model...Momma did it. It worked for her. That's right, "I can do badly by myself" and I don't need a sorry man keeping me down or make life harder than it already is. You're not taking care of a man, period point blank. If I can't do better with him, then life has certainly has got to be better without him. Well your evaluation of the facts may be true, but here are the cold hard facts that shouldn't be overlooked. As sorry as he may be, "You have a man." Secondly, you get out of a relationship what you put into it. Third, "Attitude reflects leadership." If you want a better relationship, then put in more work into it. When you really sit down and think about it, are you the best you can be or are you just better than his, "Sorry Ass."
What a measuring stick.
One Hot Mess
Secret 34 This doesn't make any sense, you can't remember the last time you've had a piece. You're not a professional in the sex department but you know some bull-sh#t when you see it. The two of you have been sleeping in two different rooms for quite some time, and now you're starting to wonder if he's funny or something. You can't seem to figure it out. How has he been able to holdout for so long? He must have a little girlfriend on the side or be one of those "Undercover Brothers." Maybe he's just stressed out or it could be that new blood pressure medication he's on. Either way, he must be doing something with somebody because he ain't doing it with you. You've sat down and tried to figure this thing out, even gave him the benefit of the doubt. It isn't because you're ugly or over weight, the cute guys still ask you out. So what is the problem? You're tired of sitting around wondering what's going on with this man. You've resorted to lingerie, adult movies, sex toys and nothing seems to "Catch his Attention," if you know what I mean. What's a girl suppose to do? As far as you're concerned you've tried everything in the book, except leave his ass or have an affair. Either way you've got to do something and do it quick before you hurt somebody. Talking to him doesn't work you've tried that and going to counseling got you cussed out for telling your personal business to strangers. Your girlfriends say they wouldn't put up with the sh#t and you're too embarrassed to tell your Momma. She didn't like him in the first place, and she never had a problem telling you so. You've thought about it over and over and don't have a clue were to start. Well here's a start, start with yourself. When a man no longer desires to be with a woman, you can rest assured it wasn't for any reason at all. Whether he decides to have sex with you or not, if he isn't, "He doesn't want to. Even if he tells you he does, then do, the fact still remains he didn't want to. His blood pressure could be an issue, but once a man decides to stop having sexual relations with you "Trust Me," you have serious problems.
Let’s Be Friends
Secret 35 It seems the most appropriate place to start since I just met you a month ago. You think you know me. Well, I don't know you from a "Hill of Beans". You say you wanna meet the kids. I don't think so. You could be one of those stalker chicks for all we know or surfing the internet for kiddie porn or background checks. Who knows, you may even treat your own kids like crap. You say you have a dog....no kidding. He's probably crazy as hell too, crapping all over your carpet. No, Lil Momma, I don't think we'll be in any hurry to get to close to you. Why? Because I don't trust you and why should I? Where and what have you been doing for the last 20yrs? Who knows? Don't think because we just met last month that I'm all that excited about meeting you. I meet people everyday and almost everyone has a few skeletons in their closet. Who knows, you could have a few dead bodies in yours. So don't worry about being my friend anytime soon. It's gonna take a lot more than a lunch date and a cheap dress to win me over. Don't ask me to hold any doors for you either because I could be closing them very soon. So you keep it moving...as we say in the streets. If I'm interested, I know where to find you. Don't be too excited to be my friend. To be honest, it worries me. Who knows what your intentions are? Do you need a bill paid, late nite sex, sperm donor, and possible a husband? What do you really what? Everybody wants something! It's the American way. I don't need anymore friends. "Been there... done that". Why don't we just do this,I'll keep my eye on your "Crafty Ass" and you keep perpetrating like you don't want anything and let's see where we end up. No, I don't want the "booty". You can keep that Trojan horse and let's see if you're still in the picture a year from now. The point here is this-when you meet people, don't be in a hurry to be friends. Don't rush to invite them over to your house and, lastly, don't break your neck to introduce them to your family especially if you have kids. Strangers are just that, "strangers not friends". Once you allow them into your life, you are also inviting their past. Guard your space and your family. Who knows what you're dealing with? Don't get too happy. The next time everything looks "Fine and Dandy", what originally looked like a friend could end up an "Enemy".
She’s Gotta Have It
Secret 36 This sista is "Hell on Wheels". She can do it anywhere, anyplace with anybody at anytime. Good looks, nice cars and cash don't excite her; she'll do it for free. If you've got the time, she's got the place. She normally prefers men, but women are nice too. There is nothing she hasn't tried at least once and there is nothing she won't do again. She's not the kind of girl you would take home to meet Momma. But, guess what? "She doesn't want to meet her." I wouldn't introduce her to a friend (male or female) unless you're ready for a threesome. It's just the kind of girl she is. She doesn't give a damn about morality or monogamy, so I wouldn't bother bringing it up in general conversation. She's been this way all her life and everyone just loves her! This is a care free kind of sista that lives for today not tomorrow. I wouldn't call her a "h#e", but let's just say she's not marriage potential. Now, should you come across a lady like this, I'd put a seatbelt on because you're in for one hell of a ride. If you're into sexual escapades, then she's your lady. But, if you like living on the conservative side, "leave her ass alone". This lady ain't anything to play with. Give her an inch, "she'll take a mile". Give her a rope; she'll hang your ass from the feet first if she hasn't tied you up already. Tread lightly then walk away if you aren't ready for the misery of trying to control a "Beast" like this. That's right, she's an animal that cannot and will not allow herself to be tamed. So, ladies, you know who you are. If you happen to be one of these lovely ladies, please do the brothers a favor and identify yourselves. Tell us the truth! Tell us you love men and women. Tell us you love sex. Tell us you just can't help yourself. Tell us "You're Sick and Love it".
Not Mr. Right
Secret 37 You've been holding out for Mr. Right a long-time and a lot longer than you had planned for. You have a man, but he's nothing like what you had hoped, or dreamed for. He's just an average guy. There's nothing special about him, nothing at all. He attends church every Sunday, but he can't speak like any of those handsome high profile bishops. He's a quiet guy. Yea, he plays a little basketball at the local health club but nothing like those tall NBA players on TV. He thinks he has a few muscles...Ha Ha...Mr. Universe would be a stretch. Yep! You've just got yourself a regular Joe and no "Millionaire". He's accomplished nothing significant. As a matter of fact, one of his biggest accomplishments was staying out your business and taking the trash out. No, he's not "Mr. Right" but he is "Mr. Right Now" and probably has some redeeming values. But, because you're constantly comparing him to men out of his league, you can't see the little things that make him different. When you first fell in love with the man, you would have killed anybody for talking about him. Now, years later, you're the first in line pointing out his faults to the girls at the beauty shop on Saturday mornings. Yea...things are different now that he's not "Big Papa" or "Big Daddy" nor all those pet names you used to call him when you were proud of him. He is, fortunately for you, the same man you wanted him to be-your "Knight in Shining Armor". He just realized the same thing you did... that he's just a "Regular Guy". There ain't anything wrong with that. Ladies, learn to appreciate your man and the qualities that made him the special person that you decided to be with in the beginning. In other words, stop being so unrealistic and ungrateful..."it's really just that simple".
Secret 38 When it comes to divorce, no one can tell you when enough is enough. No one, not even family or friends can tell you what to do when your relationship has reached this point. You are the one that's living with this man. You are the only one besides him that really knows what's going on. Every coin has two sides and you know better than anybody your version of this story. You know what you did or didn't do which has contributed to this failed relationship. So the question is this-did you do everything you were expected to do? Or are you just fed up with a marriage that didn't live up to your expectations? Or are you tired of dealing with a man who hasn't changed a bit since you said "I do"? Which ever you decide, if children are involved, there will be losses. Children of divorce are neither mentally nor emotionally prepared to deal with this concept. In some cases, many of these kids have not recovered later in life. As adults, they suffer with insecurities, confusion and depression for many years which results in divorced women attempting to raise these kids on their own while working two or three jobs in the process. With limited finances, working long hours and being ill equipped to spend quality time with these kids, could explain the high pregnancy rates, drug addictions, theft and robbery cases in juvenile court. This leaves too many kids with too much free time raising themselves. So, ladies, when you have decided enough is enough, think about the after effects of your decisions. Are you prepared to place your children, who you claim you would give your life for, into a situation where their lives are in jeopardy? Is divorce your only option? Is there something that you could do to save your marriage? You are not fighting for your life. You are fighting for your children's as well. When you decide to end this relationship, who, then, is the biggest loser?
Stuck On Stupid
Secret 39 Why does it seem you attract all the men with issues? If he doesn't have a money problem, then it's a drug habit. If it's not that, then it's a baby's momma. Either way, you're a magnet to every man with havoc in his life. If it isn't one thing, it's another. Between (ex) girl-friends beating on the door at 2am and others blowing up his cell phone during the day, you're uncertain what you're dealing with. He always seems to have the perfect excuse. Somehow you would love to believe him, but deep down you realize he's just another man and another headache. You hate to appear as though you're perfect. You have problems of your own, but it bothers you to see a man with more unresolved issues worse than yours. It's been a month and now you've found out he's a convicted felon on probation, with three baby mommas, working a temp job, and behind on child support. So what is a girl supposed to do? If it wasn't for his handsome face and those soft words in the bedroom, you would have left his sorry ass months ago. But, you've always been a sucker for every man with a problem. You've been attracted to men with serious issues for as long as you can remember. So why, then, have you been so unfortunate to meet every sorry, "Dumb Ass" man on the planet? When will the moment come when you can get what you know you truly deserve,-a decent, and productive, problem free man? Well, the reality is this. He's not coming anytime soon and here's the reason why. Naturally, you can't choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose to love yourself first. Loving yourself means, evaluating the man for what he is, good or bad. Then making a decision you can live with, based on those facts. In short, the better your decision, the better your chances. It's as simple as that.
Wanna Be Player
Secret 40 Player, by definition, means a person who takes part in a game. "Wanna Be Players" are people who play the game, but don't play very well. In each game, you have players. So, in this kind of relationship game, that means two. In any competition, the objective is to win and get paid, not played or pimped. Players recognize players and game recognizes game. So, if you call yourself a player but struggle to keep your bills paid late, you're getting played and pimped. You often wonder why it is so difficult to find a faithful man. You know... one who is committed to only one woman. Well, here's your answer. Men are naturally attracted to women, players or not. However, should we realize before, during or after the relationship that you are a player, then the rules have just changed for you. Men are not going to risk being hurt, humiliated or insulted dealing with a sister who has played or knows how to "Play the Game". He knows that she can and will, at any moment, disappear, lie, cheat or steal. It's all part of the game and we accept this. Problems begin when sisters start developing feelings or decide to change the rules in the middle of the game. Either way, this is unacceptable and a major violation. Surely, we don't have any problem with the women loving us, but this is a game and the one who doesn't fall in love first "Wins". If you plan on settling down, getting married and having a family then don't waste your time playing games. Don't play the field if you are seriously considering getting or keeping a man. When it comes to women playing the field, for whatever reason, men see this as nothing more than "weak game". Men, who are players, recognize female players a mile away. So the rules are very clear to us-"Don't Hate the Game, Be a Player"!
Part 5: STRENGTH THROUGH ADVERSITY
Eight is Enough
Secret 41 It doesn't matter a bit, eight days, eight weeks, and eight months or eight years, if you don't love the man...then you shouldn't be with him. What's the point? Are you staying together because of the house or the kids? What's holding you there? Is it the sex or the money? Or are you just too scared to be alone, too scared to start over with someone new or are you just scared to lose someone you don't even want. You two stopped having sex long ago, now it's drudgery when the thought comes up. The passion has been long gone and the two of you could care less. Your Birthday isn't anything special anymore and every New Year is another reminder that you're in a relationship...you don't want to be in. Here comes Valentines Day and it's the same old song...flowers, candy and a card...Oh, "Gee Thanks". You two aren't attracted to each other, you're just two people playing house. You're not happy with him or yourself. You shouldn't be with the man and you know this. Your feelings for him are "Conditional," not for better or worst or till death do us part. But you don't have the guts to leave and just like a coward you'd rather shut your mouth and be miserable. You're complaining to your girlfriend on ladies night, not having a clue, she doesn't want to hear your problems. She's got plenty of her own to deal with. You haven't been thinking about sex with the man and could care less that he's doing it with, as long he's not doing it with you. Everything is more important these days, your career, your health, your finances, the kids and the dog. You've turned your back on that man a long time ago, but guess what? You're still not leaving and neither is he. What a pitiful ending for two people who started out looking for love. Isn't your life more important than this? When did you give up on being in love? Why did you stop dreaming for your perfect soul-mate? You don't feel you deserve better than what you have? Who do you think is going to fix your picture for you? It's your life, so you've got to do something about it. Don't wake up one day and realize that all you had to do was change your mind and do something different. Isn't eight enough?
Secret 42 A female like this could send any man to an early grave. There's nothing that can be done to keep this sister happy. If she doesn't have a problem with this, then she has a problem with that. If she's not complaining about this place, she's complaining about that person. You hate to take her to dinner because there's always a problem with the service or the food. When you take her around your family or friends, no one seems to care much for her. Even with her own family, she's a hand full. Let her tell it, "They never liked her much anyway." It's been that way since they were kids. They've always been jealous of her. It's this type of introverted thinking that makes this sister a "Pain in the ass" to be around. By the way, this is our biggest problem with this female; she actually thinks she's flawless and error free. In reality, she's actually selfish, conceited and arrogant. The sad part about it is she doesn't have a clue in hell how unlikable she is. Even worse she doesn't care. You've tried to tell her in the nicest way about herself but she's so sensitive that criticism doesn't sit very well with her. Remember she's flawless. This person lives on a planet by herself and it's not until, God forbids she is stricken with some serious financial hardship or loses someone very dear to her, that she understands the words "humility and gratitude". Unfortunately, if you happen to be in a relationship with this kind of sister, either get yourself ready for the daily and weekly arguments or start planning a funeral. Either way with all the visits to the emergency room for stress, strokes and heart complications, you aren't going to be around very long.
Last Man Standing
Secret 43 You shouldn't be involved with two men. You know deep down its wrong. Your husband is a good man, but he hasn't satisfied you in years. You've tried being the faithful wife and doing the right thing, but you can't take the loneliness anymore. You're married to this man, but you still feel single. You do what you want to and come and go as you please. He doesn't care, so why should you? The two of you have been sleeping in different rooms for years. It feels more like a roommate situation rather than a marriage. You love this man, always will, but you're not in love with him and you know the difference. He stopped caressing and kissing you years ago; you cringe when he tries. He keeps the bills paid on time and your family loves him. So, for now, you'll deal with this situation even though you hate it. Now, the other guy is just what you were looking for-handsome and a wild card. He loves your "black ass" and he'll give you whatever you ask for and then some. The sex is unbelievable. He's never predictable and just refreshing to be around. Mr. Man makes you feel young again. You feel like you can do anything when you're around him. He inspires you to start dreaming and living again. You would marry him in a heart beat if you weren't already married. But, for now, you're in love with the new guy and just love your old husband. What in the hell are you supposed to do now? You can't keep this affair going on much longer. It's starting to wear on you mentally because you're really a one man woman. Your husband doesn't trust you anymore. He suspects you're having an affair. Mr. Man doesn't trust you either because he feels you're lying about leaving the husband. You don't have a clue what to do. You've been with your husband for years. He's stable, but he makes you miserable. The relationship with the new guy is a breath of fresh air, but not a risk you're willing to take. So, you're sleeping with "Mr. Man" twice week and the old man once a month. Now, you're feeling a little disgusted about yourself and you probably should. Here's the deal-take my advice and don't keep doing the same thing expecting a different result. First, you need to decide what's more important to you-stability or possibility. Attempting to keep both will result in not having either. Neither man will ever really trust you. You have only yourself to blame for this problem. So, make a decision and make it quick. Each day longer is another day counted against you. Did you think you were the only one with a important decision to make? Don't be so naive when you're trying to decide who'll be the "Last Man Standing." Just don't forget, if you take too long, the last person standing.... could be you.
Secret 44 It takes a lot more than a pretty face and a small waist to capture a man's heart. Below are just a few qualities that men look for on the inside of most females. See how you measure up. Quality men look for women who are considerate, sensitive, loving, caring, affectionate, truthful, trustworthy, dependable, intelligent, decisive, reasonable, frugal, spiritual, understanding, patient, respectful, faithful, supportive, organized, decent, non-judgmental, wise, forgiving, practical, helpful, timely, responsible, independent, dependent, private, humble, submissive, sensible and focused. In addition, here are just a few qualities that we look for on the outside. Women who are attractive, shapely, natural, sexy, neat, healthy, drug free, classy, friendly, kind, polite, witty, funny, adventurous, sociable with personality. Should he decide to take you home to "Big Momma", you may want to make sure that you can cook, clean, budget finances, decorate, dress appropriately and have the potential to be a good wife and mother to his children. Now, in the bedroom this is another story. Close your eyes and ears if you are not ready for the following. Some men would prefer to have a Hoe, Whore, Slut, Dominatrix, Pervert, just an all around Nasty Girl at home. The key here is just keep the freaky stuff private and at home only. We wouldn't want the boys on the job to find out about our little super freak we have at the house. Now, here's the reality, whether you like it or not, men are looking for a lot more than just another, shapely, successful, intelligent female with her own house and car. Chances are if you have been falling short or failing in 10 or more of the areas above, then it should be of no surprise why you're "Home Alone" again.
Secret 45 Nobody talks or disrespects you and gets away with it. You never tolerated being bullied or taken advantage of and it won't start now. Momma never stood up to that disrespectful, son of a b#$%h man she married and you hate her for that. But, it's a new day now and any man who thinks he's going to be getting away with that bull-sh#t is sadly mistaken. As a matter of fact, if he even thinks about putting his hands on you, you don't have a problem killing his black ass. You don't play that sh#t and you don't give a damn about handcuffs or going to prison. Men don't boss you. You boss them. Men don't tell you what to do. You tell them. If he has a problem with that, he'd better go to hell or kiss your, you know what. You've seen and dealt with worst and that's just the way it's going to be. You don't respect these black men and as far as you're concerned the majority of them are sorry as hell anyway. If he doesn't have bank account issues, it's another story in the bedroom. F#ck these sorry ass men. You don't need this sh#t in your life. That's why you work and have your own money-so you don't have to depend on these irresponsible, unstable, unfaithful ass men. Looks like you've got it all figured out...Ms. "I wear the pants" since I pay the bills. Yep...looks like you've got it all wrapped up, in a nice little bow. Good for you. Unfortunately, many of the sisters, successful or not, are starting to share the same resentments regarding black men and the disagreements that constantly come up in their relationships. Men, on the other hand, frustrated with the mentality of this female, would rather leave his wife or girlfriend altogether than argue day in and day out about this, that and the other. Men would prefer leave this situation entirely because it involves too much time and energy. In conclusion if you have a man, expect your walking papers very soon. If you don't have a man...don't expect any papers of any kind. Just get ready for another night of hollering and screaming with those AAA batteries you bought with your own money. Because when it's all said and done...you don't deserve a man (sorry or not)!!!
Girls Gone Bad
Secret 46 You've tried dating Black, White, Latino even considered Asian men, but all these bozos seem to have the same problem -"Trifling." Well, who can blame you? You've tried to do the right thing, but these men just don't appreciate a "beautiful black female". Being patient and supportive hasn't gotten you anywhere. These boys (wanna be men) must think you were born yesterday. You can spot a loser when you see one. Between all the black men that are unemployed, fake pimps, players, gay, bisexual, drug-addicts, lazy, alcoholics, HIV positive, in jail, on probation, bad credit, juggling baby mommas and married, you're just sick of all this bull-sh#t. You've got your own money now, so you don't need these losers taking care of you. The way you see it...you've been doing better without them. There may be a "Few Good Men" left, but these slim pickings just aren't worth the headaches. It's getting ridiculous sitting around waiting on an available, quality man and waiting on God hasn't paid off. You're tired of taking losses behind these sorry ass black men. Maybe its time for these men to start getting a taste of there own medicine. Just maybe it's time for them to see they aren't the only ones who know how to get down and dirty. Nice girls don't get any respect you've tried that and these men run all over you. So, let them get a taste of this new "Bad Ass" because that's how it's going to be from now on. Well, ladies, no one can argue with you. Your observations are correct. It's pretty pathetic out here for the sisters. Most men are just not stepping up to the plate. In addition to the disregard and disrespect they bring to the table, it just doesn't make sense waiting on a weak, irresponsible, trifling man. So what's a sister supposed to do? She should keep working on herself and improve on the weak areas of her life. This could range from education, health, finances, spirituality or career. Don't do what so many women do everyday-"Give Up Hope". When the moment is right, that man will appear; and it would be a shame if you weren't ready for him. It would be a waste to become the very thing that you despise a "Sorry Ass Person". Now who would want that? "Not even you."
Can’t Get Right
Secret 47 When you don't know where you're headed, anyone can take you there. This chapter goes out to all you women who have no clue what type of man you want or what type of relationship you need. Not having an idea would be no different than accepting a job without knowing the pay or traveling to another city visiting friends without an address. What sense would this make? How could any intelligent woman allow any man to enter her life based on feelings alone? What are the chances of having a successful relationship based only on this information? This is the primary reason why most relationships fail and why so many women often end up single, lonely and disappointed. Having some idea of the type of person you would like to have in your life and having realistic expectations on where you expect the relationship to end up is a great start. Every female has different needs; therefore, different women need different men. No one can tell you what you need or what to expect within your relationships. Unions, whether business or personal, without a plan for success are nothing more than a recipe for disaster. Choosing a man, career or something in your life as simple as what to wear is a choice that every one has to make at some point. Making decisions based on your needs alone, good or bad, and living with those choices is the start to taking ownership of your life. Choosing to "love yourself first" means choosing a life of opportunity and having the options to live your life as you see fit. Making a decision and living with it is the first step to understanding what life is all about. "If it wasn't right in the beginning, it was wrong from the start."
Secret 48 All your life you wanted to be somebody important, somebody famous. You had dreams too. But, as life went on things didn't quite work out that way. You're divorced, bankrupt, overweight, and balding. Your credit is terrible and you are all alone. It's not like you wanted it this way. Your plans were a lot different than this reality. The children are a little older and you're worried about your future. It doesn't look great. You thought about relocating, but that wasn't a great idea. The kid's Daddy stay less than a mile away. You thought about a new career, but who wants to start over from scratch. Plus, you can't see yourself doing anything else. This job is all you know. So, where do you go from here? It's a little bit too late to go back to school. How would you look in a classroom full of kids? You're not seeing anyone new. You've thought about it, but you didn't want to devastate the kids. The last thing they need is another man trying to play Daddy when they already have one. So, what's next? You can't change the past and the future isn't looking promising. How about that? You have no man, no plans. You hate your job; and to be very honest, you have no where to go. Well, Ms Lady, here's the deal. Everyone is dealt a set of cards and, nine times out of ten, nobody likes the cards they have. But, the key is focusing on the cards you have not the ones you want. Learn how to play with the cards in your hand and stop worrying about the cards you wish you had. No one can change the past, but everyone can change the future. Every problem has a death sentence. Nothing lasts forever and tomorrow is always a new day. There is always another side to every picture; it's really about your attitude and perspective. Your situation could be worse, a lot worse. You just haven't seen that side yet. Circumstances change in life everyday and yours will change also. Just like it has to rain sometimes, and this is a good thing, the sun has to shine too. So, your choices come down to two simple options-"Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying"!!!
Lords of the Rings
Secret 49 You may have read this book and concluded that this trifling stuff doesn't apply to me. But, on the other hand, you've had some of these issues, but not any longer. Either way, you don't need this book. Well, if this is the case "then good for you". You may be in the upper 30% of quality ladies ready for a long-term, committed relationship. Nevertheless, you still have the same problems as the other 70%-"Still Single". Well, here's some advice that you should consider; sit down somewhere and wait on the "Lord". He's the only one who knows your heart and your dreams. He knows if you are truly ready to receive this great blessing. He is the one who has predetermined your fate, the one who decided long before you were conceived which man (if any) this would be. Your best bet is to wait and wait patiently. Plenty of mistakes have been made by not waiting on the Creator of the Universe. He is the "Lord of the Rings". He ultimately decides the beginning and the end. So, if you have been waiting, keep doing so and pray while you're at it. Pray that His will be done in your life and that He continues to bless you with the strength to endure the test of time. Divorce or being alone was never in God's plans. Scriptures tell us so. Therefore, if you happen to be one of the good ones without a quality man or husband, then this may be God's Will. No one truly knows God's plans, but stay prayerful that His plans might be revealed to you. Understanding that all things work together for the good, He makes no mistakes.
Secret 50 This man is literally beating the hell out of you. The worst part is that you're taking his crap. Have you lost your rabbit mind or what? How many black eyes and broken bones do you need before you leave that ignorant ass man? How many more choking’s and hair pulling is it going to take for you to get it? I guess not many more because you're half bald now. How many more years do you plan to stay with this man before you come up dead? You know you don't have any insurance; so how are we supposed to bury your broke ass? You're in worse shape now than you ever were before you met the man. How could you let your life go down so quickly? You had everything a girl could want. Now, you're damned near homeless. If it hadn't been for his foolish ways, you wouldn't have lost your job. You know that didn't make any damn sense-coming down to your job scaring the hell out of everyone. Damn... girl, is he laying it down like that or is it you? Somebody is doing something. If you two aren't careful, someone is going to jail and somebody is going to end up dead. The brother is dangerous. Can't you see that? Look at his temper....You've got holes in these walls every where. The boy just got his cast off his hand last week. Look at all those bruises on your face. Sorry, girlfriend, that make-up ain't doing sh#t. You can't hide all those marks....so stop trying. How could you put your kids through this madness? If you're not concerned for yourself, at least be concerned for them. They shouldn't have to be fearful for their lives. Don't you think it's a little too much for them? So what are you going to do? You said you were leaving him last month. Well, ladies, I'd have to agree with "Madea" on this one-ever heard of "Smith and Wesson"? What in the hell is your problem? You're letting somebody break your bones and then tell you ...he loves you. You'd better bust a cap in his ass and keep it moving. Well don't kill the man...but, you get the point. You say you don't own a gun. Well, no problem...Wal-Mart sells bats...Check the toy section-aisle 8. Don't you allow any man to put his hands on you? Consider him a stranger next time he pulls that stunt and crack him across the f##kin' head. Try that. Bet you won't be having problems out of his stupid ass anymore. Who's calling the cops and ambulance now? That's the point....He's not the only crazy person around here!!!
Part 6: CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY
No Experience Necessary
Secret 51 You haven't had sex in God knows how long. It's been so long that you don't even miss it. You've thought about it from time to time, but the feelings alway pass after a cold shower and a good night sleep. You're not even dating. Why? First of all, you don't have the time. Secondly, you haven't met anyone worth going out with. So, for the most part you go to work, come home, and maybe go to church on Sundays. When Monday rolls around, it's the same thing all over again with the exception of a night out with your girlfriends every once in a while and running a few errands during the week. You just don't believe in having sex with folks you don't care about or dating men you're not interested in. There ain't anything wrong with that. As far as the brothers are concerned, this is a good thing. Who wants a sister who's been sharing her body with every man she's ever met? Nobody! So meeting a sister with a few morals isn't a bad thing. You're the type of sister who takes that stuff seriously. You'd rather wait on the right guy rather than just give it up to anybody. Well, that's a great idea. But, this is the problem-You've been by yourself for so long that you're just set in your own ways. So, you're not quite sure how to treat a man nor do you care. You really don't have the time or patience to be dealing with all those foolish demands. You would rather be by yourself than deal with these knuckle heads you've bumped into. So, you're not too concerned about being alone or single because you know when you do meet that special man...you'll know what to do. It's like riding a bike. The only problem is this....it ain't like riding a bike. Your program may work for the low maintenance man who's excited to be with you, but as soon as you meet the brother you're interested in, that's when your problems begin. He's not going for the..."Oh...you're hungry...feed yourself" stuff. Horny? Oh really? Figure that one out on your own too. Why should he? Why should he have to wait six months to find out you're terrible in bed? He ain't hanging around and you shouldn't expect him to. Why should he have to suffer because you haven't dated a man in months? Why should he have to deal with a sister who hasn't had sex in years? You want him to take it slow? Why don't you speed it up, "Granny"? Stop expecting quality men to put up with your negligence and inexperience. If you haven't had much “experience" in the minor leagues, then why would you assume you're ready for the "Major Leagues" ...Rookie???
Head of the Class
Secret 52 If you planned on keeping the "Brother Man" happy and lower your chances of sharing him with one of your girlfriends, then you may want to consider elevating your sexual repertoire. Competition is stiff. Quality men are limited. What was once considered disgusting and grotesque many years ago is a given now. What you won't do, nine others will. It's just the way it is. No one is feeling your pain. Men are tired of hearing the..."I'm not doing that"...song and dance. Our reply..."Oh Really"? "No Problem Honey." "Sorry I asked." Well, you may have just won the battle, but you definitely lost the war. Men are not waiting, hoping you come around. Why you ask? He doesn't have to. There are simply too many willing ladies ready to take over that head nurse position with "Big Daddy" when he is a little under the weather and needs a little "Picker-Upper." Don't feel like "Neck-Working"? Sorry...I mean "Networking" Don't bother. Ms. Fancy pants will hold down the headquarters for you. Got bad knees and a bad back? Hip bones real sore? Oh really? I'm so sorry honey. Can I get you an ice-pack? Darn it...none in the fridge. I'm going to the store...I'll be back in a week. Sounds funny...doesn't it? It doesn't to the brothers. You want us to stay home, stay faithful and hear this same crap until we croak over and die. Ladies, if you have any intentions of keeping your man at home and keeping your headaches down to a minimum, then catch up with the class. Quit your non-sense and turn up the heat. He's your man....It's Ok. Stop the..."this is nasty, that's nasty" stuff. You're right...It is...That's the point! There's nothing better or more exciting than doing something nasty with the girl you love. It's even better if she loves it. Try something new. You may like it. Better yet...you may love it! Now, all that "networking" finally paid off. You're the head nurse now. You're running the head quarters and head of the class. Good for You!!!
Sleeping with the Enemy
Secret 53 There's no legitimate reason why you should be seeing this guy. You have a man. It's not that you don't like the man you have; you just like this new one better. Mr. Man at home may not be paying you much attention these days, but overall he's still a decent guy. He comes home every night and works hard during the day. Bills get paid on time. For the most part, he treats you pretty good. You have no complaints as far as you're concerned. He's not rich or perfect, but that you can live with. So, why, do you keep this other man on the side? Why risk getting pregnant, catching a STD, losing your primary relationship at home or putting your family through the embarrassment of it all? Why do it? Could it be for love? "No, not really." Was it the sex, those big biceps or the knot in his pants? Either way, was it worth the risk? Well, I guess so, because you're still with him, for what? The way you see it, you deserve a little excitement in your life. "Hell," you only live once. Who cares about being found out? Pam got busted last week and Angela has been with her boy-toy for a year now. Anyway, it's your life and that's all that matters. You're tired of waiting on the Big Guy, if you know what I mean. You're tired of Mr. Man taking you for granted while other men are begging for a taste. Truth be told...you've seen a few you'd love to sink your teeth into. Ok, ladies, here we go again. Take careful notes. If Mr. Man is crazy about you and you get caught with a man on the side, you risk the serious possibility of getting yourself, husband and your boyfriend killed. It's that simple...Murder/Suicide. Men in love still view this situation as the ultimate disrespect. If you have any intentions of playing the field for whatever reason, and get caught, then I would suggest some body armor, body bags and a gun. Make sure it's an automatic because you'll need a few clips to keep these two off you. This is a very deadly game of unpredictability. I'd think twice even if you are a sniper. Some men would rather be judged by twelve, than to be carried out by six.
Secret 54 Now you know you're a cutie pie. No one can disagree with that. Men aren't a problem. They've been crazy about you since you were born. You've never had a problem getting a date and probably never will. Momma told you what men liked and you took good notes. You were always a great student. You've always been better than average at everything you've done. What you couldn't do, someone did it for you. It's one of the benefits of being an attractive girl. These men will break their necks to call you their lady. That's Ok with you. It's all part of the territory. You don't have many flaws. You've made sure of that. But, this "man thing" has been a problem since day one. Maybe you're just lucky or something, but it seems you attract all the men that you are not interested in. You've got someone in mind, but he's taken, tied up and spoken for. He's crazy about you but you're too beautiful to settle for that. You're a great catch, at least that's what your sisters said. You don't have to play second fiddle behind "no woman for any reason". You just weren't raised like that. You thought seriously about being the girl on the side, but the more you thought about it, the more you got pissed off. You should be number one, not number two. The hell with him, "He Ain't All That". You know what you have to offer; and you know it's better than second place. Anyway, you've got men begging to be with you everyday. You ain't settling, "Period point blank". However, you still got this one little problem. You love him. You are just crazy about him. What's a girl supposed to do? Here's some great advice, make a decision and live with it. You know what you can live with, and what you can live without.
Secret 55 You're so independent that some men feel that they don't have a chance in hell of satisfying you. The harsh reality is...it's true. What can he offer you that you don't already have? What can he give you that's not a phone call away? Not a thing, nothing at all. But, because he's the man, you still want him to make the first move to confirm what he already knows. You're not interested. You want him to tell you his life story so that you can tell him...he hasn't made the cut? You want him to pursue you, for what? So in a few months, after the sex has died down, you can tell him that he's not enough man for you. Some men fight battles they can't win. Most won't. Did you forget that men have egos too? Who wants to lose or be told they're a loser? Who wants to hear "I can do badly by myself" and "Hit the Road Jack"? What man wants to feel inferior to the sister he's dating? What real man wants to feel that the only thing he's good for is sex? You may call it being insecure. We call it choosing our battles and saving our self-respect. If you're that independent, and you are, then why would you need us? Man's original role was to provide and protect but somewhere over the last generation, those roles got switched. Look around sisters how many men do you know were killed, in jail, on probation, or unemployed in the last (20) years? It wasn't by mistake, it was by design...don't be so naive. Brothers are tired of breaking their backs for the pennies, because you want him to accept any job that comes his way. He can barely take care of himself, much less a family with children. Many of these brothers are lost and need help. Can't you sisters see that, or you just don't care? So, the next time you see a man you're interested in...Then let him know. Whoever has the most should do the most. Oh, that's bullsh#t. You ain't doing it...well fine, keep waiting. If you're approachable and he's any type of man, he's not going to waste your time. So, if you don't have any plans on helping the man to help himself, consider it a compliment that he hasn't bothered introducing himself to you.
Dumb & Dumber
Secret 56 You won't leave him and he won't leave you. You claim to love him today; then you turn around and hate him tomorrow. The two of you can't agree on anything big or small. You fight day and night. If you're not calling him out of his name or calling the police, then he's doing the same thing to you. You kicked him out of the house Monday and asked him to come back on Sunday. You had him arrested New Years Eve; then you turned around and bonded him out New Years Day. You won't go to counseling and neither will he. A month later, and after a little "Makeup Sex," it's the same thing all over again. The police are frustrated with answering all of the 911 calls. The judges have been tired of you dropping the "Simple Battery" charges in court. You asked your best friend for advice. She told you to leave him; now you're pissed at her. Your parents are so disgusted and sick of the entire situation that they would prefer you not mention his name around them. No one can seem to understand the connection; you haven't been able to make much sense out of it either. It's a mess. You know it. It's been this way for years. Life with this man hasn't gotten any better. In fact, it's gotten worse. "Much Worse." You haven't got a clue what the problem is. You won't listen to solid advice. Professionals say you have a "low self esteem" issue. Your advice to them-"Kiss your Ass"! Ms. Thang, is this what you call love? Is this what you mean when you say "Love Yourself First"? Well, it looks more like, "self hatred first" and the condition appears to be "Severe Co-Dependency." You're wasting your time with this guy and you know it. More than anything, you're losing the only gift that only you can give yourself. "Self Respect." Either you have it or you don't. It's just that simple. If you are in this situation or one very similar, don't be mad at the other guy. Be mad at yourself. "Yo' Momma," taught you better than this; and she didn't raise no "Dummy"...Dumb Ass!!!
One Shot, One Kill
Secret 57 Life is all about the choices you make and which roads you decide to take. The decisions are very simple; either go the way you know or take a chance on something new. Once you make a decision or choose a path, the next step is living with the choice. There are no guarantees in life, so don't be disappointed when you end up somewhere unfamiliar. Just because that's the decision you made the last time, it doesn't mean you'll get the same results this time around. So, choose your paths wisely. It's never a great idea to change your mind in the middle of the road. Why, because you never get where you were going. You have to turn around and go back from whence you came. Old folks call it "walking in circles" but, in reality, you're just walking backwards. The end result is wasting precious time with nothing to show for it. Relationships are often the exact same way. You either choose the safe route (man) or take a chance. Safe isn't always certain and taking risk could mean certain loss. In the end, whichever path you decide to take, you must be able to live with the end results. So, again, choose wisely. Once you decide to shoot (make a decision), make sure you have a target (destination), and make certain you kill something (get there). Don't pull the gun (make a decision) if you don't plan to shoot (follow through). You'll only get yourself killed (take a loss) in the process. Life isn't always fair. It doesn't give you many opportunities to get it right. So, if you have a "Man you love who loves you back", your choices are very simple. Bet on it or pass. As gamblers always say, "You can't win if you don't play". Wall Street investors say, "The greater the risk, the greater the reward." There is always the other option-go where you know. There "ain't nothing" wrong with that as long as you can live with the end results. In some cases, it's "A whole lot of nothing". Most likely it's, "A Little Bit of something". Either way, who could get excited about those winnings?
Secret 58 For the most part she's a good person. She won't give you the shirt off her back but, she wouldn't let you starve either. Forget calling her if your life depended on it, but she still makes good conversation at the party. She's always the girl with the knock-off purse, perpetrating like it's real. She wears bad wigs and weaves then tells you it's her real hair forgetting to perm the naps on the back of her neck, showing clear as day. She always wears designer clothes, keeps the receipts, and never takes the tags out. You've never seen her go to work, but she tells everyone she's a registered nurse. The girl keeps a potbelly and you know the story. Yep, she's always pregnant and the baby's daddy is some professional athlete. When she gets sick, it's terminal. But, she never dies. She was suppose to be dying last month. But nope, she didn't. Her utility bills are in her kid's name. She keeps two drivers licenses just in case she gets pulled over for speeding. She lies so often that even you are starting to believe her. It ain't just you she's lying to, she lies to everybody about everything it's senseless the stories this girl tells. You can't understand why she lies so often. Some of these stories are just ridiculous. Everybody already knows you can't believe a thing that comes out of her mouth. This girl is a nut case. Her girl friends can't stand her. And guess what? Men can't either. You can't trust her with your money, you can't tell her any of your personal business, you can't leave her in your house alone. You don't even wanna have sex with her. Why? Because the next thing you know, she's telling your friends, you two are getting married. She's a major mess and she knows it. You'd love to give her a chance for redemption, but she lies so often the risk out-weighs the rewards. Lil Momma...don't worry about keeping a man, because we already know you don't have a problem tricking one. We're tired of dating another lying ass woman. Hell..."You're lying, we’re lying"...who can ever get ahead in this picture? Somebody's gotta start telling the truth around here.
Secret 59 What's up, "Big Red"? You look good with that "Big Red Ass." You know the brothers like the red sisters. We heard y'all make pretty babies. How you doing? Doing good. That's great! You say you're single? Oh really? You left him? Why was that? He didn't appreciate you. Well, that's too bad. What are you doing Friday evening? Nothing great! I'll see you at 6pm. put on something sexy. We're doing dinner. So what are you eating? "Steak and Lobster". Oh really? How many kids did you say you have?Three, and a dog really, same daddy? Oh, no...got two. No kidding? Where are they? You say out of town? So you're here by yourself raising three kids all by yourself. Well, that's very commendable. How are you able to do that on a secretary's salary? Oh, child support, I forgot. Want anymore kids? How many? Maybe one more no problem another girl? Well that's cool with me. So, tell me because I'm a little curious. How can four people live in a three bedroom apartment with a dog that pisses and poops everywhere? Well, maybe if everything works out between us, we can upgrade to a five bedroom house. How long do you think we should date before we get serious? Six months. Is that all? Are you kidding me? Don't you think that's a little too soon? What are you hiding and what about the mangy dog? What are you going to do with him? You gonna get rid of him. Ah, that's too bad. So, let's see, Ms. I got it going on and everybody wants a piece of my red fine ass. You got three kids, a high school diploma, two baby daddies and a dog that shi#ts everywhere in a three bedroom apartment. Well, I'm not sure how you're doing your math, but the way we see it, a dime piece would be pushing. Appearances can be deceiving so we rather just get a "Piece" if you know what I mean.
No Love, No Mercy
Secret 60 Let’s get this picture straight. You don't "Have Love" for me. So, how can I...have love for you? You don't even respect me, so how can you expect me to respect you? I thought I knew you but I guess I didn't. You claimed you knew me but I can see. You don't know me very well. Do you think that you can disrespect me with your hateful actions without any repercussions? Do you think your disrespect settles well with me? Well it doesn't. You say we're friends, but we're not. Friends don't disrespect friends. It's just that simple. Friends don't intentionally hurt or harm each other. That's not the way it goes. Enemies do that. You say what you want and do what you want. Love doesn't behave like that. Hatred does. So, how can you expect me to have love or respect, for a person like this? You don't have my best interest in mind. You could care less how I feel. What you really care about is how you feel. Friends care for friends and enemies could care less. That's the real deal. So, why would you waste my time trying to convince me of anything different? You can't be both. So, which is it, friend or foe? You ripped my heart out and left me for dead. You turned your back on me and walked away, no warning, no notice. You just made a decision for yourself and left. It never bothered you that I would be hurting beyond belief. Wow...what kind of love was that? Surely, not the kind of love I've heard about. You've heard of it too haven't you? That love that keeps couples together for 50 years. The same love Mommas have for their children- unconditional and unchanging. A love that forgives and gives a person space to grow. Love that doesn't have expectations or pre-conditions. Love that will allow you to be yourself. I don't have to lie anymore because I know you don't expect me to be perfect. You still love me. I don't have to worry about being damned to hell because your love has "Mercy" for me. You wouldn't walk away and leave me alone. You're just not that type of person. Your love wouldn't change in a moment, so there isn't a need to panic. It's strong, stable and unwavering. It's dependable one of the few things I can count on. I don't have to worry about you hurting me because your love for me is so strong. It's like you'd be hurting yourself. Well, ladies do you love your man to this degree? Or do you just love him as long as he lives up to those expectations in your head? Is your love conditional? Is it? You know the truthful answer. Then you wonder why you're single or why your relationships never last. The divorce rate is 70% percent. Why would you think this is so? True love flew out the door a long time ago. Now, love is based on who you are and what you can do for me. This is pretty sad considering the level of love I'm talking about doesn't cost you a thing. In fact, having this level of love is the sole reason for being alive. Do you have enough love for someone bigger than yourself? Do you? Instead of asking, why don't we just observe your actions, do you really have enough love to change the world? Do You? Do
you really love that man or are you just saying you do? True love can't exist without mercy. So, my final question is this there is someone you would give up your life for isn't it? Would you trade it for him?
Part 7: MAKE A DECISION PART
Secret 61 You’re not looking for a man to pay your bills, but you wouldn't date a man who won’t. Pay Masters are what we call these brothers in the streets. He’ll pay a ladies mortgage and doesn't own a house, pay her rent and has a roommate. Yea, he’s one of the weaker ones and she knows it. He’ll keep trying to pay her bills and she’ll let him. Don’t bother asking you for a little help. You'll be quick to tell him you're broke. You are a little selfish and never have trusted men. You're past with men hasn't been good, but more than anything you just doesn't want to get hurt. Or, in your own words, you don't want to get “Played Out” used, mistreated or all the above. Ms. Lady gets bored easily. Favors, gifts and cash advances won’t get very far with you. If a man puts his hands on you, he may end up in a morgue. You've been in and out of bad relationships all of your life, so taking another loss isn’t an option. Daddy has always been a "Big whore". He had plenty of girl friends. So you've seen the females who thought they were the only one, “got played” and ended up with nothing. Somewhere between all the disappointments and broken promises, you decided along time ago that you wouldn’t end up like them. You're getting something out of the deal one way or the other or he’s getting his walking papers. You prefer to be married. That would be the ultimate security. At least you'll end up with the house, alimony and child support should he decide to act a fool and stay out all night. But, you'll accept being the girl on the side as long as you get what the wife has the papers, ring and the house. You know the drill. You claim not to be a “Gold Digger”, you're a "Good Girl". We’ll just call you a digger looking for gold and anyway you can get it. If he have any plans on getting any of your, “Georgia Peach” then he’ll have to pay in one form or the other. Love never paid a bill. As far as you're concerned, “What one won’t do another one will”. You're correct. There’s always a sorry, lame brother waiting in the wings to pay any bill he can and breaking himself in the process. So, date the brother for money if you like, and don’t be disappointed if you get just that....money. Because the way we see it, if it’s money you want, then it’s money you’ll get. Forget about love, devotion and all that other crap. Your tail can be bought and you set the price. Just tell us how much you’re charging for the, “Peach". If we can afford it, we ain't begging we're buying. Oh yea....you'll be getting those diamonds just like the wifey. They just won't be the real ones.
Justice of the Peace
Secret 62 You've been knowing the man for quite some time and even helped him out of a few difficult situations. He's a good guy for the most part. You've even thought about marriage, but you two just couldn't work things out. You have history with this man, but unfortunately, some of that history happens to be young children. The kids love him, but if they knew him like you do, they'd hate him too. You're tired of being unappreciated and getting pushed around, so you're taking his ass to court. His child support is always late and he doesn't pay back loans. He won't give you any extra money and he doesn't offer additional help with the kids. You do all the hard work and he gets all the credit. Well, once the Judge hears your story, he'll realize how sorry he is and make him pay. Sound good to you? Times are hard plus you could use the extra cash. You know he has the money. He takes great care of that "Bit#h" he lives with. You hate her too. By the way, she doesn't love your kids the way you do and you don't want them near her. You'd take her ass to court too but....Damn....she hasn't broken any laws (yet). You're struggling and need help. Maybe if you throw yourself on the mercy of the court, the Judge will save you. He'll feel your pain and he'll make that Joker pay. That's just what you need somebody on your side to make that sorry a##- hole straighten up and fly right. Ladies, can we talk for a moment? Can we really? Court rooms are packed with stories of women who hate men for a variety of reasons. Judges are tired of women filling up the court rooms, singing the same songs about a different guy. "He doesn’t do this, he don't do that, he owes me this, he owes me that". Save all those pitiful stories. He may listen to you and he may even pretend to be on your side. Remember, Judges rule on the facts not feelings so don't bother them with all those sad stories. You'll just piss them off and may catch a contempt case in the process. Please, trust me when I tell you they've heard every sad song in the book. Don't waste your time filing those affidavits, contempt and modification forms because they'll just throw your case out of court like the thousands of cases that came before yours. Save those attorney fees and court costs. When it comes to the Judges and court rooms, it's not what you know; it's what you can prove.
Secret 63 This chapter is for the sisters who somehow always manage to become best friends with (ex) husbands and (ex) boyfriends; women who just won't let go. Rather than leave these men alone completely, it's easier to maintain some type of cordial communication to keep the doors open for future favors. You know what I'm talking about. Don't you? Someone to talk too (even about the new guy), maybe dinner, movies, oh yea...and late night sex. We know the drill. Keep the ex's around for backup just in case the new relationship doesn't work out. Then you've always got somebody to fall back on when you get lonely, bored or horny in the middle of the day or night. You get the point. Some of you ladies just love keeping these exes’s around. Always (he's just a friend) best friends with every guy you ever had a relationship with. Need a loan or a late night tap on the ass? Who do you call? Call X-MAN. Plus, the way you see it, with all the diseases flying around, why take your chances catching a STD when you can just call Mr. Man. He knows you like it from the back. Plus you "ain't got the time or energy" to train these "New brothers with weak game" in these deadly streets. Well, ladies you have a point but this is one of the oldest "player tricks" in the book. You think we don't have a clue what's going on. We understand there's nothing like keeping an "X-MAN" around if for nothing more than boosting that fragile ego and or blocking us from moving forward in another meaningful relationship. We (X) men understand clearly that this is a game whether it's intended or not. So, surely you ladies understand that "Fair exchange ain't no robbery". Meaning, we see through your acts of kindness and we "know what it is". No matter how many times we get those late-nite calls, it's just...Sex. So, the best advice I can give to a sister who rolls like this is simple. Plan to be in a unloved, casual, unfulfilled relationship (if any) for a long time. When it comes to sister's only interested in maintaining casual sexual relationships with X's the results are real simple. "Expect nothing serious". Don't expect a Wedding Proposal, flowers on Mother's Day, and don't dare think about Diamonds on Valentines Day. Just expect plenty of late-night "D#%K", because that's all you seemed to be thinking about ...at 1am..."YOURSELF". Remember you can't move forward if you keep looking back. Now that's the truth and what do you have to say about that, "Lil Momma"?
Secret 64 Hate to be blunt, but this is one "sneaky bit#h". You're crawling and sliding your way around the office, trying to be friends with everybody and smiling all the damn time. You're the biggest snake in the office. You’re always creeping, plotting and planning some devious sh#t. Everyone knows all of your business. Why? Because you won't stop running your "Big ass mouth." You're always crying about bull-sh#t so everyone will feel sorry for you. You make me sick. You know who you are. Always a victim of something and hurt all the time. You can't accept constructive criticism and take everything too personal. Other people can't stand you either. Why, because you're constantly running behind the boss complaining about this person and that rule. This heifer is sickening. If your co-workers are not careful, they'll lose their job dealing with your conniving ass. Don't f...up or forget to follow company procedures...guess what? "You're telling it", a f...in tattle-tale is what you are and a liar too! Damn, that's why you have more guy friends than girl friends. Its snakes like you that really make it hard to trust these females. They can't sleep on you for one minute. Just when you think you two are friends, you're up to your old tricks again, crying and complaining to whomever will listen. Janitors can't get any work done because you’re whining in their ear about your broken pipes. "Oh, you're a mechanic?" You guessed it. Your transmission needs repair. You're homeless and need money...well "f...you" too, the grass needs raking. You're always in need of a favor or help doing something. Just a pitiful heifer, that can't do sh#t for yourself. You've got the men running around the office like little bit#hes. Can I help you do this? Can I help you do that? Damn, one day you're cool. The next day a psychotic bi-polar bit#h. Folks are done trying to be your friend. Guess what? Your boyfriends and husbands are too. We hate all this drama all the time. You thinks it's cute. It makes us...f...in sick. Oh Yea, I almost forgot. You're a full-time Drama Queen and proud of it. One of the worst people to have as a wife or girlfriend. Men will never have sh#t dealing with you because you're so unstable. Please, don't have any children by this "Crazy bit#ch", now your kids are crazy as "Hell" too. You're happy, then sad, crying or mad. You're excited one moment and depressed the next. Damn he should have known better. Are you off those meds again? If he sleeps on you, you'll sneak up on his ass and before he realizes it, he'll be twisted up with you speechless. And just like a snake, squeeze the life out of his..."Stupid ass". Yep...You Got To Do Mo' Better!!!
Secret 65 We see you've made it to the big leagues, girl. You've paid a pretty penny, too. Did all that surgery hurt? I'm sure a little bit...because that body of yours is unbelievable. Hell...I'm not hating. Those "Collagen injected lips" are perfect and those "Silicone implants" couldn't have looked better. You must have had a professional do the work because they are flawless. Look at your ass, girl, it's perfectly round. I didn't know they had "ass-implants". How in the hell were they able to do that without leaving any scars? Lil Momma, you ain't no joke. I can't see anything else you need to "Buy". You already have the weave. Sorry, I mean...human hair, colored contacts, acrylic nails and tattoos. You're good to go. It's your time to shine. One little problem, Lil lady, ever heard of over-kill. Yep, that would sum up your behavior. You never had a problem getting a man. You just has the hardest time keeping one. You can get laid any time of the week, but you can't keep a husband if your life depended on it. Here's the reason why. Most men will always want a piece of the "Hottest ass" on the block. If he tells you anything different, he's lying, gay...or both. The brothers aren't trying to "Wife" a girl like you, because the maintenance is too high. Nor can they ever rest, because every guy is coming at you every minute of the day with everything but the kitchen sink. So the biggest problem that you always have is finding someone secure enough with the bank-roll big enough too keep you happy. You know he either has one or the other...but rarely both. If he has the cash, he's jealous as hell. If he's secure, he's broke. Either way, "You're still single". Black men know that any sister willing to take out a mortgage to finance this fake persona has plenty of debt...without question. He doesn't want the mother of his kids running around the house looking like a professional stripper (sorry I mean dancer) or hooker (sorry again, I mean "call-girl") til death do us part. That's what the strip-clubs are for. When a brother comes home he wants a wife. He wants someone he can take to the family reunion. What man wants a stripper (or whatever) on his arm in Church on Sunday? Even if you are a "Child of God"...Not Many!!! So, ladies make up your mind about the kind of man you want in the beginning-sex partner or husband. Because we're definitely considering how you are going to look in 20 or 30yrs. Imagine that a perfect pair of breast, ass and lips with wrinkles and weaves and human hair...ha...ha... Are you kidding us or what? Save your money and invest it in the newborn baby's room or the house. We're sorry to hurt your feelings. We know you've
tied up a lot of money for the super model look. But, whether you choose to accept this advice or not, if we were looking for something fake, we know where to find that. For the record, we would prefer it not be at our house.
Secret 66 When you see her, the first thing that comes to your mind is Saint. If you piss her off, then it's Satan. You've been this way all of your life. There's no need trying to change you. You have your own way of thinking. Forget all those rules. They don't matter a bit to you. You're a phone stalker...you know the type of girl who'll call twenty times back to back until you answer. "Oh. You’re not answering the phone?" Now it's another thirty voice mails. You're not getting a reply to the voice mails. He doesn't care how she feels. Well, now it's emails. You know the ones written in all caps with no punctuation. No one can ever make much sense out of the notes because you're saying so much sh#t at once. He's too busy to return the emails? Oh really? Now she's bringing him lunch on the job. He's not hungry...no problem, it's the pop up visits at his home for dinner. You gotta wife and kids? You didn't tell me that...too (f'in) bad!!! You don't care about that bit#h, the kids, or the dog. (F) Him, too!!! Now, you keyed his car to all hell and his wife's "Honda Accord", is sitting on bricks. Yep, she's riding on brake pads. "That didn't get your attention? Really?" Well, now there's a 45 pointed at his head and the hammer is cocked. Why, because his unfaithful ass slept with the wrong nut case. Now his ass is on "Cold Case" files... and she's trying to hide his body in the woods, wiping down the crime scene and getting rid of the bloody glove. Then you always are wondering why you never have a man. You keep killing them off. So, forget about the protection orders or calling the police, you love me more than you love yourself. If he manages to dodge the murder, I'd get a bigger gun and shoot first. Don't worry about the charge, it was self-defense and it's too late to be explaining the story. If somebody has gotta die, it might as well be her. Didn't you see" Fatal Attraction"? It's not just a movie, its real life. If you don't want to be the star, then don't play the role. Well, maybe after this story...you'd better watch that movie twice.
Secret 67 It's something about a woman with a pretty face, long legs and a round ass that really turns you on. If she has long hair and soft skin, that really get those juices flowing. Pretty feet aren't necessary but if she has them, "That's Hot". You love women and always have. That ain't ever gonna change. If she hasn't been with another woman and you're her first, then that's the way you like it. You don't plan on marrying her or having kids. That may be pushing it. Plus, you know your family ain't going for the girl-girl stuff. You have enough sense to keep a boyfriend as a front; but those "Musty Balls" are a real turn-off. You've had a few boyfriends but those relationships never worked out well. They were always too insensitive and too rough in bed. You know what you like and how you like to feel; but the brothers can't seem to figure it out. You love being licked from head to toe and all the men wanna do is stick and move. That's not your style and you're tired of complaining about it, stop being in denial. There's no reason to continue with this debate. There's no need to discuss why you don't have a man. You already know the answer. "You don't want one"! You don't care for men and never have. "You're a Lesbian." Let's just say, "If you're not gay, you're on your way". Stop wasting your time with these big brawny backs and hairy legs. Stop worrying about what the family will think. Everyone deserves to be happy. Find yourself a girl-friend and forget about the traditional family crap. Get a dog, adopt a child and live happily-ever after. It's your life; so do what you want with it!
Secret 68 Girl...What's going on with these men you're dating? If he ain't in trouble about one thing, he's going to jail about another. The man stays in and out of court; and you're walking around here like everything is normal. How in hell can he help you pay rent if every month he's hustling up attorney fees? Why is it that every man you date is either an inmate, drug dealer, or convicted felon? How many DEA, ATF, FBI, and CIA agents do you need over at your house before you get the picture? You knew the boy was selling drugs. How long did you expect the...I'm a "Pharmacist" story to last? Your ass is going to be in a bunch of trouble if you're not careful. For what? Possession and distribution of a controlled substance. Oh... you didn't know the girl friends of "Dope Boys" catch cases too. Why? Because they participated in the crime..."dumb ass". You're hiding drugs, guns, money and pretending like you didn't have a clue what was going on. Now, you've got a problem with this picture...don't you? Well, you didn't last week when you were at the mall buying that "FENDI" purse. Everything was cool when you were flying first class to Vegas for the weekend and sitting in those VIP Lakers seats. Now that you're catching a "little heat and scared to death"...you're playing the victim. "I didn't know what was going on. I thought he was a..."For real"...Doctor. He didn't tell me he sold drugs to little kids...I thought he was just selling them to crack heads. What in the hell are you doing now? You're doing what? You're taking the investigators straight to the "Trap House" and headed to the District Attorneys office as a prime witness against the man. You're gonna tell them everything you know where the dope is, where the money is, who his soldiers are and where they live. Damn idiot...they didn't even have a solid case. You just filled in the holes and sealed the deal. Now instead of 10 years, everybody gets an additional 20. Oh gee..."Thanks a whole bunch Bit#h"! Thanks for cleaning up the community and getting our drug dealer and guns off the streets. But more than that...Thanks for being part of the problem and helping those folks "Bury these brothers behind steel bars". Divide and conquer; the oldest trick in the book. You knew what he was and you knew what he was doing, but as long as you were benefiting you didn't care. Next time you wanna help the government "Stop Crime", then.."Stop spending his Money, "Trap Star"!!!
Secret 69 Getting a man is one problem but keeping one is another. Even though, ladies, the odds of finding a good man and keeping him are stacked against you. I'm going to give you ten ingredients that will guarantee a successful and long lasting relationship. Number one is "Mutual Attraction". The key word is mutual. Second is "Communication". You two must be able to have good conversations on a variety of topics. Third is "Respect". If you two can respect each others thoughts and feelings, then this will create a special bond. Fourth is "Trust". If there's no trust, then there's no point in having a relationship. Fifth is "Great Sex", this is the main reason men never let go and keep coming back for more. How will I know if the sex is great? You'll know by how often he comes back for it. Sixth is "Commitment". Are you able to make a decision and live with it? Seventh is "Unconditional Love". You have to be able to love the total person. There's a little good and bad in everyone. Eight is "Dependability". Can you be depended on to come through in the clutch? Or are you the type of person who shows up when the odds are in your favor? Ninth is "Affection". There's nothing better than a soft touch at the right time. Lastly is "Compassion". Are you able to forgive and forget. Or are you the type of person who forgives but never forgets? Do you really want a man? Do You? Do you really want to keep the man you have? Review the ten ingredients above and take the short "relationship compatibility" test. Be honest with yourself. Or better yet ask the person you're dealing with to grade you. See how you rate. Each ingredient is worth 10 points. 90% percent or better is an A. 80% percent or better is a B. 70% percent or better is a C. If you scored anything less than 70% percent, then there is no need to continue this conversation. Apparently you have a lot of work to do....so do it! It's not impossible to live a long and happy life with one person, but expect out of the relationship what you're willing to put into it.
Secret 70 At first glance, no one would ever think you had a mouth like that. Cute as a button and cuss like a sailor. You don't hold back any words when you're upset "F this, F that, Kiss this, Kiss that, you ain't this, you ain't that, Sorry this, Sorry that." You say whatever comes to mind. You're not the kind of girl who walks around with things on her chest. If you have something to say you're going to say it. You could care less who you offend in the process. That's right. You'll cuss a man out. You don't give a damn how big he is. A stupid bi#ch don't have a chance. Well, to be perfectly honest, we're surprised you still have all of your teeth popping off the way you do. Yea... that's right. You'll kill a MF if he puts his hands on you. Now that's real funny seeing how you've never killed anything in your life, not even a roach. You're scared of the neighbor's dog and don't even own a gun. Just say you're going to call the police and press charges for assault and battery. That's a lot more believable. Just don't forget the police normally come after the fact while you're selling those wolf tickets. You never hit anyone, never had a fight, never got punched in the face and never broke anyone's jaw but you're still popping off to men three times your size and thinking you won't have repercussions of any kind. Here's the reality about this situation. Some men have a problem getting arrested, some don't. Pick the right man on the right day, and I'm certain you'll be in for a surprise, worst case scenario...death. There are a lot of battered women in shelters and grave yards who didn't get there by keeping their mouths closed. They all had plenty to say to the wrong guy when they got upset, (or said what they wanted too). Now you're crying to the Judges about what a bad man he is and how you want him in jail for the rest of his life. You're forgetting to tell the Judge about that nasty, toothless mouth of yours that got you in his chambers in the first place. The moral of the story is...don't disrespect men in public or private. If it's this serious, then why are you with him? It's just that simple. Why are you with a man that you have absolutely no respect for? Why would you pop off to a stranger you don't even know? Brothers aren't running to the rescue of every woman with a flip mouth anymore. Those days are over. Pop off if you like. You may not get the chance to file that police report or tell the Judges your story.
8: CHANGE DIRECTIONS
One Sick Puppy
Secret 71 Father's Day is here again and your resentments are the same. "You Hate that Sorry MF". Any fool can have a baby. He never did anything for you or yours. "He doesn't spend any time with the baby", and that bull-sh#t child-support ain't enough money to wipe the baby's ass. He's a sorry "Piece of sh#t" as far as you're concerned. If you could have it your way, he'd never see this child. You don't give a damn if he's the baby's father or not. You don't want him around your child....doing anything. "He don't do sh#t anyway", so it won't make a difference. He's a dead-beat, dead-broke, selfish, sorry "Son of a Bit#h". You just hate this Fin' man plain and simple. Why? You never had the chance to meet your "Real Daddy". Oh, you had a Step Daddy. Momma made sure of that. He was good to you too-gave y'all plenty of money. She never let you meet your real Dad. She told you he was dead until you grew up and found out she was lying. Well, you know how she feels now. You're going through the same sh#t. She hated her baby's Daddy and you hate yours. You don't give a damn about the judges, police or court orders He ain't seeing this child and you don't give a damn about how he feels. Your baby will just have to get over it. You'll explain things when they get older just like Momma did to you. There's an old saying, "You've made your bed, now lay in it". "When you lay down with dogs, you'll catch fleas." Here's a few more. "There's a thin line, between Love and Hate." "Life is what you make it." Learn to change "Lemons into Lemonade". When it comes to the life of your child, don't be foolish enough to think when they are older they will appreciate your decisions without their consent. When it comes to kids, it doesn't matter if Dad is a dead-beat, dead-broke, drunk, crack head living under a bridge. That child is still going to, "Love their Daddy unconditionally"....No matter how you feel about the man. Oh yeah...don't think the new guy is interested in starting a family with you either. Once he realizes how you feel about the other guy, he'll be grateful he's not the "Baby's Daddy". Hate him if you like and you'll be teaching your child the same thing "You hated what your mom taught you"!
Secret 72 Somewhere there's a female in a relationship that she's embarrassed to be in. She doesn't have a clue how she got into it, nor any idea of how she plans to get out. But in the meantime, there's a brother somewhere who won't be able to sleep a wink. She'll be whining to him about how she's getting the short end of the stick. She'll be complaining about being taken for granted and the losses she's taking being in the relationship. In the meantime, brother man will be having headaches you won't be able to believe and ulcers that will be keeping him in the bed for weeks. He's hoping the crying and whining will pass in time, but the reality is every month it's getting worse. She doesn't have the courage to move on, so each day with her is a nightmare. She's bitter about what she should be doing today. She's making him feel guilty about what he was supposed to be doing yesterday. In the meantime, everyone is aggravated as hell wondering what's coming next in this roller-coaster relationship. One day everything is good. The very next day you're holding on for dear life. That's the reality of dealing with an uncertain, indecisive sister who had doubts about being in a relationship with you in the first place. There's no quick fix because a definite problem hasn't been identified. She's not sure why she's with you nor is she certain why she wants to leave. So, the end result is some pillar to post, boot-leg relationship headed nowhere fast. There's no future and there's no ending. There are just months after months of wallowing back and forth. Sounds tiring don’t it? Well it is tiring dealing with a sister who is clueless about what she really wants in a man or a relationship. Then she's settling for something or someone she doesn't want and makes him pay for her indecisiveness. Pop up today, disappear tomorrow. In love today, not sure the next. And she's whining and crying, along the way. Sound confusing? Well it is. Sound unbearable? Well that's an understatement. If you're embarrassed to be with the man you're with, leave him...period. Stop letting months and years go by without making a decision. If you don't like his buck teeth, stop pretending like you do. If the sex is terrible, stop acting like it's the best you've ever had. If you feel you can do better and he's holding you back, don't keep dragging him along. Don't be scared to be alone. Save yourself and your friend a lot of time and heartaches. Move on. Pick what you want in the beginning and stop accepting seconds along the way. In the end, you'll wish you hadn't even bothered wasting your time playing those childish games. Like Big Momma use to say, "Don't accept no Wooden Nickels".
No Sex in the City
Secret 73 You really just don't care for sex. You're not a lesbian. It's been this way all of your life. You're the type of sister who doesn't need sex to make it through the week. You'd rather read a good book or watch "Law and Order". You're the kind of person that if you get a little bit, fine. If not, you're still fine. Well, there ain't nothing wrong with that as long as you're not with someone who has a sex drive ten times stronger than yours. It doesn't matter that you told him in the beginning that you were celibate or practicing to be a Nun. What difference does that make if you continued seeing the man after this point? Don't bother telling the brother "You knew this when I met you". That's such a pitiful excuse for not satisfying your mate. Don't even waste your precious breath if that's the best thing you could come up with. Someone better be changing the game plan real soon or there will definitely be some serious issues in the bedroom. Ladies, you can trust me on this one, but you already know how this story goes. Don't you? If you ain't doing it with him, then he'll definitely be doing it with someone else. It's just a matter of time. So don't bother asking the man about his whereabouts. Why should you? Either deal with it or not. You don't need to hear the truth. You already know. So forget about the counseling stuff. There's no need for that. Save your money. Forget talking to the Minister. Why in the hell are you bothering him? His schedule is too busy "Saving souls" to be advising you on this nonsense. Try this... (Go home and (f) your husband). If you wanted a monogamous relationship, you should have married a Monk or a Priest or, better yet, a man with high blood pressure. Don't think for a moment that you can marry or date a man with a sexual appetite stronger than yours and think his natural desires are going anywhere. Don't assume for a moment that if he is not satisfied, he's going to be Ok with this arrangement. Don't be so foolish to think that your man is going to sit at home and be content with the "No Sex in the City" situation. No real man in his right mind is going to put up with this craziness. Stop acting so brokenhearted when you find out he's been seeing someone else and stop making him fall down on his knees apologizing and begging for your forgiveness. Why don't you try falling down on your knees that might be enough to keep him out of the streets? Oh.... you aint doing that nasty stuff. Oh really? Then quit whining about his unfaithful ways and get faithful about making sure he's satisfied. The reality is this....if you could care less whether he's happy or not, then why should he be concerned about your feelings? Accept some responsibility for this situation and stop
making the problems all his fault. If you planned on feeding the man just once or twice a month, what did you expect? If you're not happy enough to satisfy the man, why are you still there?
No Saints, Just Sinner
Secret 74 Stop assuming that because you read your bible everyday, and attend Church, that you're the only one going to Heaven. Paying tithes and attending Wednesday night bible class ain't enough. Following the Ten Commandments to the letter and visiting the sick and shut-in is thoughtful, but I don't remember seeing anywhere in the Scriptures that was the ticket either. So why do you even bother scrutinizing everyone you come in contact with? You're no Saint. You and God aren't best buddies. You act as if you two eat dinner every night just because you remember to pray over your food before each meal. That doesn't make you special. News flash, God isn't just your friend, he's mine too. You're not the only one receiving blessings and over-flow. I get it too. So, stop begging him to punish me. What type of God would that be? While you're at it, stop walking around here like you're better than everyone else. You're not. You can stop pretending like you don't have any character flaws or vices that you can't seem to control. Just because you've become a master at cloaking your short-comings, don't think for a minute...I think you're perfect. So quit the "God don't like ugly" stuff and "God gonna make you pay". The way I see it...I'm paying now....dealing with your righteous ass. Nobody can talk to you about anything without you bringing up some scriptures about this and that. Can we have a general conversation or is everything Bible based around here? You ain't talking about God when you're in this bedroom screaming to the "High Heavens". Yea, I know...you're not perfect. As long as you repent God will forgive you. So, how many times are you repenting for the same thing? We're doing it four times a week. You want me to feel terrible after sex because you do? Get the hell out of here with that mess. I'm not praying before and after sex with you. Are you nuts or what? God don't play those types of games and surely I don't think you're going to Hell for that sin alone. But, you know everything so you tell me. You and the man upstairs seem to be on the same page. What do you think? Well, I'll tell you what I think, Ms. Mary Magdalene. "Every Saint had a Past and every Sinner has a Future."
Secret 75 Whatever goes on between your four walls isn't anyone's business but yours. This includes co-workers, family, friends and especially parents. So, if Maverick has problems in the bedroom, well...guess what? I'd keep that to myself. That's classified information. Just had another heated argument last night. Oh well, that's top secret too. Here's another thing you probably didn't know. Nobody cares about your business. You just think they do. But, since you wanna volunteer all of your private information, oh we're listening. "Hey I didn't want to know that part but what did you say he did? He did what? You're kidding me? What did you do? No...You didn't....You did that?" I can't believe you, girl, nor can I believe you keep putting your business out there like that. What's your problem? Are you crazy as hell or what? The only problem about telling your business is this; those situations usually get worked out in time. Since you keep running back to your folks for advice, every time you have a misunderstanding, well guess what? They hate him too. They told you to leave the brother and not to put up with his nonsense. You chose to forgive the man against their wishes and now you're trying to convince them that he wasn't that bad after all. In the mean time, they're starting to look at you like you're some type of crazy idiot for dealing with the man in the first place. All because you couldn't resolve your own issues or keep your trap shut. But, since "Blood is thicker than Water" they'll forgive you, but he...doesn't have a chance in hell!!! Just remember the next time you have a little family quarrel stay off the phone. Stop calling every prevention and intervention hot-line every-time you have a problem. Stop running your mouth getting other folk involved in your business if it isn't life threatening. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong. So forget all those extra opinions. They only confuse the situation. What's more important is trying to see the other person’s point of view, getting a different perspective and trying to find some middle ground. You're not always right or wrong. There's no one answer for every problem. Surely, different paths can lead to the same place.
"So, if you're gonna stay with the man, then you can't talk about him too".
Cock & Point
Secret 76 Mr. Man ain't coming home. He won't take out the trash or cut the grass. You can't get a date or a trip. He won't even give you any lovin'...or extra money to go shopping. You don't have a clue what to do. But whatever it is, it's going to require some drastic measures. So, try this and do it often. If you're still having problems with the man I'd leave his ass. He's either to much work, gay or both. But, if he's neither and just needs a little fire lit under his ass, try this sure fire method. I doubt, seriously, if you'll be having any more problems out of the guy. The next time he comes home put on your highest heels (forget the flats, they won't work). Take off all your clothes. I mean everything...even that bra. Don't worry if they are sagging. Put some baby oil on those "Ta-ta's" and keep it moving. As a matter of fact, put baby oil all over your ass. Just don't put on too much. You don't wanna look greasy as hell and turn him off. Put on a tad of perfume...lay flat on that bed..cock those legs and point those toes. Don't say a word to the guy. He'll get the point. Don't ask the man for a back-rub or foot massage. Don't even ask for a kiss. What you ladies don't know is that most men don't really care for the romance. We just do that stuff in the beginning to get the booty. That's why you can't ever get a flower after he says... I do. Well, it is the same reason why you can't get a gift unless it's a holiday. This is the very reason all those Hoes, Whores, Bit#hes and Heifer's get all the dinners, trips, and gifts; and Ms. "I Do the Right Thang" gets the mortgage and utility bills paid. So, if you want the bills paid and the trips take notes. I'll tell you what to do its real simple. You have to be the house wife he ain't leaving and the house whore he's crazy about. The only differences between these two ladies are...wives are giving the excuses, headaches and demands. Whores are always willing, ready and able to do whatever, whenever with few problems or complaints. So, if you want Mr. Man to come on in and do the right thing.... (f) His brains out and feed the sh#t out of him. Trust me he'll be too full, worn out and tired to do anything else. When he comes back for seconds, break his ass off again then give him dessert. After you're finished with the man... if that Bit#h wants whats left...let her have it. She's getting all the scraps, which is just what you leave those "Sneaky Bit#hes" who like dealing with other ladies men..."NOTHING".
Secret 77 Since it's evident that weaves and wigs are here to stay, then if you are going to wear them, at least wear them correctly. This chapter isn't for the sisters with severe hair issues, but it is for those who refuse to wear their own hair. Females, who stop combing their hair years ago, you know, the sister who's always trying to save a dollar, so she does it herself. It's always a mess glue everywhere, tracks falling out, nappy hair combed over the straight hair. Then, you have the sisters who have three or four different wigs. That's a different mess. Her excuses are always the same..."I don't have time to do my hair in the mornings" or "I hate looking the same everyday". Don't forget the sister who gets the extensions and wears them three months knowing damn well that you can't wear them past six weeks. Some of the braids are barely hanging on, others falling out....Damn!! Those tight ass braids are pulling your hair out. Can't you see it? You don't think we can? Give us a break! We can't leave out the sisters with purple, lime green and auburn weaves with the crazy cuts. You can't tell them a thing. They swear they got it going on...sleeping with their heads up all night. Hair ain't never out of place. And you know they ain't having no sex! But that's another chapter. Well, ladies, if you're doing any or all of the above for yourself, then no problem. Good for you. But, if you're getting your hair done to get the brothers attention, then let me let you in on a little secret...Stop it...It's a Mess...We hate it. You don't believe me? Well, ask a few of the fellas. Don't just ask the man who's trying to get the booty. He wouldn't care if you were wearing a mop. Some men like weaves and wigs. Most don't. We prefer the real thing. If you have long hair, stop talking about cutting it off every week. If you have medium length hair, stop wearing the fake human hair down your back. We love the ladies with the short hair too. Or, if you just got to wear it because you heard the brothers are attracted to the sisters with long hair, then stop wearing the low budget weaves and wigs that look fake a mile away. Oh, you thought we couldn't tell? And don't forget to trim those naps the bottom of your neck. That's a mess too. We understand that you sister's are trying to stay up with the competition. We respect that. We know that if you didn't do anything, we'd still be crying. So, do what you have too. Just know it ain't no secret anymore. If we find out after the fact that your long Indian hair was really a weave or wig, then you just lost a few brownie points for perpetrating a fraud. It's really no different from Mr. Man popping off about what he can do behind closed doors and you find out his "Big Mac" was really a "Jr. Whopper". So, next time you're in the beauty salon think about this chapter and save yourself a couple of bucks. We already know some of you women are paying utility bills and
cars notes trying to keep those heads looking good for men who really could care less.
Secret 78 Most sisters are not always telling the entire truth. Some are only telling their version of it. This is nothing new to the brothers. It's the main reason why we need more judges and professionals who look at both sides of the story, consider all the relevant facts and make rulings based on these facts. Naturally, most black men aren't telling the truth as well for both legitimate and non-legitimate reasons. This may mean nothing to the average sister, but the seasoned sisters know better. She will listen to all the facts, and then make the best decisions accordingly. Some men would love to be able to be honest and truthful. It should be simple and straight forward. But, this is where the problems begin. Most black women are not making good judges. In fact, most are making terrible judges. This is the primary reason why black men are not comfortable telling all the important details. Although we should try telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth, the ramifications of being truthful are often so severe that this wouldn't make common sense to an average idiot. No man in his right mind is going to be honest if by being so weakens his position. He's not going to implicate himself in any situation unless he knows for certain the judge will be fair and impartial. Do you want him to tell you the truth from the beginning? Try not interrogating him the first moment he walks through the door. Stop making assumptions when you don't have all the facts or giving rulings that don't fit the crime. Don't be so quick to give him a life sentence for everything he makes an admission to. Try giving community service or a small fine for the first offense. No man expects you to let him get away with murder, but he definitely doesn't want a murder charge if he didn't commit the crime. If you want your man to be more truthful with you in the beginning, then start giving him the benefit of the doubt. Remember "Innocent until Proven Guilty," because he'll always consider his collateral damages and only then accept the best plea offer. This is based on how you react. Remember, men are not perfect creatures. Stop expecting us to be. If you want the whole truth and nothing but the truth, consider becoming a reasonable, fair and compassionate judge. This won't resolve all your problems, but it's definitely a start.
The Great Debater
Secret 79 You've got an opinion on every topic under the sun. You know everything about every subject. How is that so? You know what people are thinking before they say it. You know what they're going to do before they do it. Are you a psychic, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst or just a psychopath? I'm sick of your psychology and psychotic behavior. How in the hell can you know what I'm going to say when I don't even know? That's the very reason we can't get along. You want to argue and debate on every issue. Then, you want to add insult to injury and call it conversation. It ain't conversation if we're arguing, "Smart Ass". Hello...you are not a psychiatrist; you're not even a nurse. What makes you an authority on every topic? This ain't Jeopardy. You don't get points for being correct. Just for the record there ain't nothing wrong with being wrong sometimes. What's your problem? You have an issue admitting you're wrong sometimes. How silly is that? No one is correct all the time. Who wants to be around a person like that anyway? Even if they are intelligent, who wants to be bothered with a know it all kind of sister. No one is telling you to "dummy down", but expressing yourself to the point of physical conflict is ridiculous. So, you say your man isn't that bright, well whose fault is that? You picked him. Apparently you feel comfortable keeping the low IQ brothers around you. That must be your comfort zone. You know your way of trying to control the men. You're mad because he don't know a damn thing, but you chose him. Now, you want to beat on the brother’s self-esteem and man-hood. You're disrespecting him in the process because you have a need to be correct all the time. For someone with your intelligence level, it seems ironic that you would choose someone who wasn't your equal. Well, now that I think about it, is that how you're able to win all those arguments? I guess you are... "The Great Debater."
Secret 80 I'm just gonna call it the way I smell it. You stink to high hell, and it doesn’t make "No Damn Sense." You smell tart like you've been f##in around or doing something nasty. You can't have sex all night, take long walks at lunch and think you ain't gonna be musty. Why are you making me the villain? Why do I have to always say something? You know you can smell yourself. Hell... you stink girl. So why are you looking at me. I told you the same thing last month. It was a problem. That bird bath stuff ain't working. Now you're prancing around this office like you got it going on. You're making everybody sick smelling like sardines and spam. Everybody's talking about your "Stank butt", but you're so busy smiling in everybody's face that you can't smell a thing...I mean "Hear a thing". It's ridiculous that you won't wash your ass or change deodorants. You know that "Platinum Secret" ain't strong enough, so why do you keep using it? Your kitty smells fishy and your arm pits are kickin' too. Try a little baby powder. Can't you see those white rings under your sleeves? Why would you wear a silk blouse when it's 90 degrees anyway? What's your problem, Boo? Have you got a medical condition or are you just plain trifling? It smells a lot like p-funk. And then you want somebody to lick you from head to toe. Are you joking? I don't want a piece of that red snapper, face mask or not. You can keep the salmon for the next deep sea diver. I'm not going into those deep waters without an oxygen mask. Go soak that tuna in some baking soda and peroxide and stop acting like it ain't a problem. Then, you wonder why you don't have a man. No brother wants a stinky sister with sweaty arm pits for a girlfriend. We don't care how cute you think you are. If your "Cat in the Hat" smells like an infection, it's gonna be a problem. You wanna snuggle? Forget about it. Take a bath first and shave that rug under your arms. Hey, Honey, lets forget the sex tonight, I've got a killer headache...and my nose won't stop running. "It must be my allergies."
Part 9: WATCH YOUR STEPS
Secret 81 You're not a sex therapist and you're not trying to be one. But, you know a problem when you see it. Now, this brother you've had your eyes on is cute as a button. You would have "given him some" a long time ago, but you didn't want to come off too easy. However, tonight is the night. You're "horny as hell" and it's been long enough. Plus, he's been popping-off about what he can do in the bedroom, so here's your chance. "Let's see what you got Good Buddy." You love a good surprise. Off come the clothes, then the underwear. He's packing so everything looks good for "Lift-off". Then, before you know it....Damn, "Houston we have a problem". You decide not to panic. Maybe he's a slow starter and needs a little rocket fuel. Ten minutes later, you check traffic control. Nothing at all...no movement. You're starting to get a little worried. You decide to call it a night and try again another day. Well, that day has come and you're not falling for the "banana in tail pipe trick" again. You wanna see something" before you get naked, hot and bothered. After close inspection, everything looks stiff and ready to go. Off come those panties. You're willing and ready and..."I'll be Damned". Here we go again. Now, you're pissed. This doesn’t make any damn sense! He's definitely no "Boy Wonder". You don't claim to be "Wonder Woman", but "Boy" you're really starting to "Wonder" what the deal with this guy is. Apparently, he's not eating enough "Wonder Bread". You're wet. He's wet and limp. "Now ain't that about a Bit#h!" You never saw it coming or felt a thing if you know what I mean. You can't stand for this non-sense. He's playing crazy...and the bed is wet. You know you didn't do it. Maybe he's got ED (erectile dysfunction) or PE (premature ejaculation) either way, ED, PE, GED....you don't give a Damn! His ass is out the door! He can give that limp, wet whistle to the next loser. You're not the one. Now what are you supposed to do? You have to walk around with a wet kitty all day? Damn! You can sexually abuse yourself. You don't need this jokers help. Well ladies, this is a brain teaser, so I'll try to help you out when you get un-pissed. If the brother is having these types of problems, chances are he's either excited or scared. Either way, it's a compliment to you. Try slowing the brother down a bit. Start slow...real slow. Puff up his ego a tad. Take your time. Maybe, if you're patient, you'll get the results you were looking for. If you'll leave every man who has a little problem, what does that say about you when the big ones come? At least you don't have to "Wonder" what's he's doing behind your back. "Just Work with a Brother!"
Who’s On First
Secret 82 I've spoken on this topic in earlier chapters because of its serious nature. Many of you intelligent sisters seem to be having the same problems, so I thought I'd revisit this topic one last time. I've said it once, so I'm saying it again "Stop putting these relationships on auto pilot and expecting them to grow." If you two aren't growing together, then you're growing apart. It's just that simple. If you are married, then your marriage takes first priority. All decisions revolve around it, not the reverse. If you're just dating the man, then consider yourself on a test run. He'll still expect you to make the best decisions when the issues involve him. So, guess what? If you're going to Bible class three times a week, don't expect him to attend because that's what you were doing before you met him. You may want to consider cutting those days down a tad. Oh you only cook on Sundays? Oh Yea, you might want to discuss that too. You only want sex on Tues & Thurs night after you've watch Law and Order? Well, guess what? You definitely better be talking about that. Those other four "figure it out for yourself days" could be the reason why you're in Divorce Court. That's something...you'll spend (9) months planning the wedding, but won't take (10) minutes considering the man's feelings in the marriage. You'll sit in a beauty salon (5) hours on Saturday mornings but won't spend (1) hour in the kitchen on Sunday afternoons. You got married alright, but I guess you just expected that relationship to just take care of itself. Maybe I'm just being naive, but I've never seen an overweight person lose a pound without working on it. I've never seen an employee get promoted without doing more than the other guy. You'll study your company manual to keep your job, but won't study your man enough to keep you two out of court. How then do you expect your relationship to improve if you're not putting in any extra effort? Did you think getting married was enough? Going to work, attending church and raising your kids isn't "Working on Your Marriage". When are you ladies gonna get it? How many different chapters do you need to read before you figure it out? So, the Pastor needs you to do a little extra work down at the church tonight...Oh really? Your Boss needs you to work on Saturday mornings...You're kidding me. Momma needs you to come and change her "diapers"...Get outta here. Your kids wanna go to Chuckie Cheese...well; you better rush on down there. Here's a little advice, Lil Momma. You'd better start talking to that brother you plan on being with and
make damn sure you two are on the same page. Trust me when I tell you, if you are making daily decisions for yourself without any of his input, then you may want to start visiting your attorney's office and join the 70% of other couples whose relationships didn't work either. You don't care..."Oh really"? That's the reason I came back to this topic. Do you get it? Or do you just not care? Nothing is more important than your man, not your dad, your doctor or bad ass kids. When does it sink in? After he's gone? Is that what you really want? You want to keep starting over from scratch with a new guy? Guess what? You'll eventually cross that same bridge with the new guy too. If you're not putting the marriage first, it won't take long for him to see that. So, keep doing things the way you've been doing them. Just don't say you haven't been told what to do.
If he's not first, then who is? "That's the point!"
Secret 83 Health is top on your list because you understand clearly if you don't take care of yourself nothing else matters. You've been working out for years and you can definitely tell. Your body looks great. All of those hours in the gym really paid off. Now, everyone is asking you for advice. "How can I lose my stomach? What do I need to do to get this weight off my hips?" Even the brothers have a few ignorant questions. How much can you bench press? How old are you? How much do you weigh? Damn, the questions just don't stop. I guess that's the price you have to pay when you spend so much time in the gym. For the most part, you're an attractive girl, not stunning, but better than average. Lifting those weights definitely took you up a notch or two. But you have a problem just like the other sisters at the top of their game. "You're Single!" Now, why is that? Could it be your biceps are bigger than the average man? Could it be you've been lifting so long that you're starting to look like one? Could it be you're really a man pretending to be a woman? You've got too many damn muscles. It doesn't look natural. Your neck, hands, feet, calves, thighs, back, hell, everything is too damn big. What are you doing with a 12 pack? I thought it was suppose to be six. Hey what's that bulge down there? What's that? Something about you is real peculiar....and...I can't put my finger on it. There's definitely something suspect around here. So, kid yourself if you like, but no man is gonna take a chance dating another man. He doesn't wanna find out after three months that you are really a guy. He doesn't want you tying him up and whipping out a "Jimmy Dean" or bending him over the bed and giving him a back massage. Forget about it. It ain't worth the risk, "Mr. Universe." Stay in the gym and keep bench pressing those dumb-bells till those breast disappear if you want too. Just don't be mad when the brothers treat you like one of the guys. Don't be upset when the lesbians think you're a great pick too. Stop being mad about what's going on around here because we don't have a clue either; are you a man or not, lesbian or not? Trans-sexual, trans-gender, pre-op...What’s going on with those whiskers under your chin? You're a man! You ain't gonna be tricking me! Hey, what you doing back there? Stop looking at my butt! Get your knees out of my back. I'm calling the police. Man Down...Man Down...Man Down!!!
Secret 84 What in the hell would you know about strip-joints? I'd know plenty. I worked in one for ten years, so here's the inside scoop. Gorgeous, dazzling, beautiful butt naked ladies walking around the club in (8) hour shifts and 3 inch heels. For the females that didn't look that great, no problem as long as they kept those clothes off. To the men who patronize the business, their feelings are the same...I'll be back. There ain't nothing better than looking at a fine ass sister swinging from a pole or doing a split in front of your face "Naked for a dollar." If she turns around and gives you a peek from the back...well..... That’s worth another dollar. For ten dollars she'll dance in your lap, and for twenty you can take her in the private VIP room. If you're a regular and she likes you, she may let you do a little more.... depending on what you're willing to spend. Catch her on the first of the month, (maybe a slow night Tues) and you may not have to go home and wake up the wifey. Unfortunately, this isn't the place to find a girlfriend but brothers disillusioned by the business attempt to do so anyway. They all come in, see a girl naked on stage, fall in love, think they know her, and want to take her home and pay her bills. Dancers, on the other hand, answer the same questions...night after night...from "Horny Bozos," asking the same things. "Why are you dancing?" Do you have a man? Can I have your number? When are you going to stop dancing? Can I take you home? Can I take care of you? It's the same story night after night, one "broke joker" after the next, forty hours a week, one hundred & sixty hours a month. Then you wonder why you're going home with another stiff one. Everyone goes home with a "Stiff Ones", so don't take it personal. "Horny Man", that's just the business. The only problem is this. Guess what? Dancers want a man too. They wanna be with someone who doesn't look at them like a sex object. It's a job. All they wanna do is get paid and go home. Can you believe that? Yep...dancers want to go home to a man at the end of the night too...just like regular folks. The only problem is men don't want a girlfriend or wife that shakes her ass in a club at 3 am in the morning. When are you going to stop dancing, honey?..."Sorry Charlie". This is how I pay my bills. Are you gonna start paying them? I can't afford that baby. That's just what I thought. I'll see you tonight at the club, and stop by the bank while you're at it. Yep, that's the story. Dancers got bills too, and every "Captain Wanna Save a H#e" thinks he can afford to pay them.
So why is it, "Ms. I shake my ass for a living", are you surprised you can't keep a man? Are you serious thinking any intelligent brother is going to be satisfied with a girl who dances? We may come to see you three nights out of the week. We may even spend a few hundred dollars. But, when it's all said and done, your take you clothes off for a living. You'll show your ass for one dollar...sorry I mean...ten. Forget about the husband crap. It ain't happening. Even the boyfriend picture may be pushing it. Don't expect that relationship to last if you have one...because after the sex is over...and the two of you are staring at the ceiling, he'll be thinking where he met you, and you'll be thinking the same...MAGIC CITY!!!! Now what kind of "ten dollar" memory was that? "Momma is gonna be real proud of me now."
Toys R Us
Secret 85 If you hadn't pulled out those gadgets, I wouldn't have had a clue you were a freak. Now how am I supposed to compete with those AAA batteries? Don't get me wrong, I love a little excitement, but whatever that is, it's too much for me. It looks like a worn, Long "Johnson" Silver. Damn girl, how often are you using this thing and what's all the dried up white stuff on it? Do you ever clean it off? What's the condom for? How in the hell do you plan on getting pregnant using a rubber toy? What's it called? A "Rabbit"? Oh really? What are those? "Silver Bullets?" Oh yea? What about the string with different size balls? What do you call them? Well they're called "Anal Beads". You nasty thing. You want me to use them on you? "No problem." Bend over. What about this big, rubber "you know what". Where do you want me to put it? Don't worry. I'll figure that one out too. You say, you want the XXX movie playing. You like to watch. Which one is your favorite? This DVD collection is impressive? Damn, girl, you've got more gadgets than "Toy R Us". I know this glow in the dark dildo wasn't cheap. It's twisting, turning and vibrating...my goodness. I don't even want to know why you have so many cucumbers and carrots in the refrigerator. You hate vegetables. What's the deal with the "Ball Park Franks" (plump when you cook them)? I thought you said "You didn't eat pork". Well, ladies this is the real deal when it comes to women, toys and the freaky stuff. Brothers don't have a problem with none of them as long as he's the one bringing them to the party. Pull out all those toys and veggies if you want. That may be the last time you see that brother in private. We have enough problems in the bedroom. The last thing we need is more competition making our job harder than it is. We love a freak...trust me, but a "super freak" could be a big problem!!!
Secret 86 You grew up in a house where everyone was close. If there was a problem, it got worked out before you went to bed. That's exactly how your daddy wanted it and that's how it is today. For the most part, that was some great advice. Now that you're older, you and your siblings get along great and keep "No secrets" from each other. You can share business with them that you wouldn't dare tell anyone else. That's just the type of family you have and the type of person you've become. So, when there have been any problems in your personal or professional lives, you've always been able to go to each other for consultation. This hasn't always been a bad thing since you value each others judgments and opinions. So, during another one of your long family discussions you decided that you would be totally honest about your personal affairs. Why, because they've always been up-front and honest with you about theirs. Deep down you knew you shouldn't have told them "everything", but you couldn't help yourself. That's just how it's always been. So, you shared some serious information with them. News they didn't want to hear about the man you love. They were shocked you stooped so low. Your family couldn't believe what you were telling them. Even though they knew you, they also knew they couldn't tell you what to do. So, what they decided to do instead was just give you their opinions on the matter anyway. You could respect that because the last thing you needed was someone controlling or trying to judge you. Well, now you're grown. Even though you haven't always made the smartest decisions, you've tried to make the best possible. You love this man, so you've claimed, which is also what you told them. Let the truth be told, you would have been happy with the man even though things weren't perfect. It was a picture you could live with. The only problem was you knew your family wouldn't understand it. Based on the information you gave them, they felt you could do better. Maybe they were correct. So, what next? Well...you gotta leave him. Why, because you've discussed it for hours and that's what they're expecting, for you to leave the man. That's what you told them you would do. So, don't bother changing your mind. You could hear them now. "We just love you and want the best for you." Now how could you be disappointed about that? "He's no good...your Momma said..."You don't even know this man." Why haven't we met him after all these years? We'll, the fact of the matter is you wanted them to meet him and, even though your family wouldn't disrespect the man, you knew they wouldn't accept him either. Why, because you don't keep... "No Secrets"! "Well, just maybe you should have kept one or two."
Secret 87 The minute you get horny, I'm the first person you're calling. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it is. You're making that call and its lights out. You claimed I wasn't your type, but I can't tell since you keep calling me every time you get in the mood. Was the sex that great or are you just a sex-fiend? Which one is it? I originally thought this was a good arrangement, but the more we did it, I saw you couldn't be satisfied. You never get enough sex. It doesn't matter how long or often we do it. I brought a few gizmos and batteries to the bedroom and you're still horny as hell. How about this, I'm running out of gadgets and bright ideas. Then you have the nerve to ask me if you are a addict. You can't tell? Why ask me? You see I'm getting ready to pass out. I'm getting tired of being your little "Secret Squirrel" on the side. I'm not getting a thing out of this deal. It's just making me tired and my back sore as hell. You think the sex is great? Don't kid yourself. It's just a little better than average. It doesn't take a scientist to lay around with your legs wide open. How much thought does that take? You moan and groan all night long and you think that makes you great in bed? Well, it doesn't. That's not great sex. Anybody can brag about how wonderful they are in bed. Men do it all the time. For the record, if you didn't call me, I wouldn't bother calling you. Like I said earlier, having sex with you is too much work and your demands are too damn high. "Do it like this, put you leg over here. Pick me up and turn me upside down. Kiss this. Kiss that. How about this? Forget all of that and kiss my ass! I'd rather watch porn then put in that kind of labor. You can give that "Bob Cat" to the next man. Let him put in the work because that's exactly what it feels like; working hard as hell for minimum wages. You should be paying me. What am I getting out of the deal? Maybe I'm getting a nut or two while you're getting two, three, four and sometimes five. Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need to hear how great I am in bed. I already know that. But, if you think laying there with a wet kitty is all you got to do to keep me happy, then you got me twisted. I think I'd rather go home and "Beat it". It would be a lot quicker and I wouldn't have to hear your mouth when I'm finished. "Are you done yet?" "Can I have some more?" Get the hell out of here. So, you say all that work wasn't necessary. Well, I can't tell since you forgot to ask me to stop working so damn hard. Take your "Tony the Tiger" to the next man. Maybe if you're lucky that "Squirrel" won't mind helping you "Crack those Nuts". Just stop asking me to climb that tree!!!
Run Forest Run
Secret 88 There's no reason on God's green earth that you shouldn't have a man. You're intelligent, beautiful, sexy and single. So, why is it that you can't seem to keep a man? Every six months it's a different guy. Every holiday there's another engagement ring. Personally, we're tired of meeting all of your potential husbands. So, what's the problem now? What has he done this time? Whose fault was it? Who did what to whom? Is it him or is it you? Maybe you're the problem. Do you really want a man or what? We can't tell. "Forest" was an intelligent, hard working brother. We loved him. "Gump" was a great pick too. Just maybe it's you that's running them away, because of all your unreasonable requests. So, what's really the problem? None of the men were good enough or are you just a handful to deal with? We believe it is the latter of the two. Why, because you won't stay off the guys back. He can't make a move without you questioning him. He's lost most of his male and female friends because you're so damn controlling. You're jealous of the relationship he has with the kids. You don't get along with his parents. How crazy is that? You're constantly drilling the man if he's ten minutes late and bugging him about everything under the sun. "I called you an hour ago. Where in the hell, have you been? Who's this? Who's that? What's this? What's that? Who's that calling you? What's her name? Why are you taking a shower? Where are you going? Why didn't you call me? What's that on your collar? What's that on your pants? How about this?" What's your (f) problem, worrying the sh#t out of the brothers like that? Are you that insecure or what? Maybe you're not ready for a mature relationship because "grown folks are gonna do what they wanna do". Stop trying to make sense out of non-sense. Just maybe if you weren't so damn insecure and worrisome, you'd have a man. So, keep running all the men away if you like. That's your choice. But, when your options run dry and they will, hopefully you won't be running around chasing yourself.
Secret 89 Why is it? Every time the brothers come over to visit is the same day you decide to "Clean" the house? Why are all those clothes all over the floor and under your bed? Why is underwear in the dog's mouth? What's the deal with these nasty bathrooms and dishes piled up in the sink? Do you ever tell these kids to clean their rooms? You do? Well we can't tell. Do you ever "Clean Up" around here or just every time we come by? To be honest, the brothers get tired of watching you whip out the vacuum every time we step through the door or opening the refrigerator to see it full of spoiled food. This place smells. Why? Because you're cooking ground beef, chicken and fish and throwing the bloody containers into the trash can. Then, you wonder why I never eat here and why I always wanna go out for dinner. By the way, the dog smells too. When do you plan to wash his musty butt? Licking and hunching on me all the time. I hate his little short ass! Damn, ladies! What's really going on with these cribs? What do you think is on the brother’s mind once he sees how you're living? Don't get me wrong. Most men love a nasty girl in the bedroom, but a nasty home is pushing it. You may think what you like, but we're not thinking home-maker or housewife. Actually, we're thinking this could be a serious problem. Not many men no matter how trifling he is, wants to live in a filthy home. So, keep picking up those rags every time we swing by and pulling out the vac. We'll keep watching you and wondering what in the hell is going on around here. Clean up or don't clean up. It's your home. Whether you think it matters or not, that's your choice as well. But, here's the truth. Many men are very uncomfortable with these nasty homes. You call it untidy, junky....whatever word you choose to use. The end results are the same. Clean up your home and stop perpetrating like it was first thing on your "to do list". How you live matters to most of us and it should matter to you. It gives us a small clue of how you'll take care of us..... and from the story above not very well.
Secret 90 Let's be very clear about a "Big" issue. If it ain't Big or Brown...you're not interested. You've got Big Dreams and Big Plans, so you don't need some short littlejoker with short plans and little dreams messing up everything. You want a man with a big bank account, big credit score, big house, big cars, big rims, big muscles, who can give you big diamonds, a big wedding...and a big "You know what". That's right you don't want no punk. He'd better have big balls. You need a man who can protect the family and "Stand up for himself". "If you know what I mean." You ain't looking for some little scary-cat, so he'd better have some "big nuts" carrying a "Big Brown" package or he's out the door. You're not interested in a man with a big forehead and big teeth. You'll take the "big lips" but only if he knows how to use them. The big belly you can live without, but those big hands and big feet are a must. Damn, it's no-wonder you're single. Who can live up to that "Big Ticket?" The brothers out here are literally killing themselves taking penitentiary chances trying to provide pent-houses for you ladies. Where small ain't good enough. They're lying, cheating and stealing trying to become "Mr. Big." You've got men overdosing on Viagra & Calais trying to prove a big point in the bedroom. Why, because that's how you want it Super Sized. Average ain't enough for you. If it ain't big, you'd rather do without. Now that's real smart, Ms. knows it all. Didn't your Momma tell you...too much of anything ain't good for you? You're not the type of lady that has to go through something to learn lessons...are you? If not...take notes. Finding a man who meets the "criteria" above is "Damn Near Impossible". If he exists, chances are he's taken. If not, trust me he has plenty of prospects. Do you think you're the only one who noticed Superman? Get Real!!! Stop running to the bars or VIP rooms in the short dresses, waiting on a man of this caliber to fall in your lap unless you can offer him the exact same thing in return. I thought you said you were looking for a "Real Man" It looks a lot like you're waiting on a..."Real Dream"!!!
Part 10: LOOKING FORWARD
Deal or No Deal
Secret 91 The very first moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew you were attractive and the one for me. After some small talk, all I wanted to do was talk a little more. Believe it or not, I was scared to death to ask you out on a first date. I was certain you would say no; but to my surprised, you said yes. I couldn't believe the great time we had or the many things we had in common. It was as if I had been waiting on you all of my life. I knew, after that dinner date, that you would be someone very special to me. Boy...those were some good times, walking in the park and talking about our dreams. All those plans we made together make me smile...even now. But, you've changed since those days. You don't smile as often as you used to. You're complaining about every little problem in the road. Your plans change ever day. One minute you want to be together and the next minute you need a break to get your thoughts together. One day you're talking about the plans we made, asking me did I mean it. Then, you turn around and tell me you need time alone. What happened to those plans we made to each other? The deal was to get married after the kids got a little older, purchase a small home in the country and live happily ever after. You said that's what you wanted too. So, what happened? Do our plans mean anything to you? Did I say something to hurt your feelings? Did I do something to make you mad? I already apologized about that months ago. Is it that you just don't love me anymore? You said you forgave me, but I guess not. What happened to the deal we had? What happened to the dreams we shared together? Was it all just fun and games? I thought your love for me was unconditional. I thought you'd forgive me and see our plans to the end. I thought we wanted the same things. Well, I see that wasn't the case. I see you've even had a few plans of your own. I'm not surprised that they didn't include me. Why didn't you just tell me the truth years ago? Why did you even bother making all those plans? What happened to for better or worse, sickness and health, until death do us part? Did those words scare you? Is that why we're headed in different directions? Did we have a failure to communicate? I guess there never was a deal. That was all part of my wishful thinking. It appears that the "Deal...was...No Deal"...and that's not your fault.
It's mine for believing in us!!!
Secret 92 Everyone has secrets. But, the ones you have you would rather take them to your grave. This chapter isn’t about Victoria’s underwear, but who’s had their hands in them. Dad, as much as you would love to forgive him, was one sick “Son of a Bit#h”. Every week he’d come crawling his ass into your bed, touching you in private places. You knew then that it wasn’t right, but you were too young to stand up for yourself. Over the years you would have thought he’d stop being afraid to get caught. But, his touching turned into something a lot more serious. Now, once every month has turned into twice a week. Can you believe this sh#t losing your virginity to your father and having your first abortion at fifteen? How sad it that? You thought many times about telling your Mother, but she worked the night shift and worshipped the very ground he walked on. He could do "No wrong" and she would have taken his side. That’s just the kind of mom she was. Now, you’re all grown up trying to make sense out of a ruined childhood. Now you have children of your own. You wouldn’t dare tell your husband your story. He’d leave you and you can’t blame him. Maybe he just wouldn’t understand (no one does). He has a gut feeling something is wrong because you can’t stop crying sometimes when he touches you. These secrets are really starting to weigh you down. The pain is too great. What are you supposed to do? Keep pretending like everything is Ok? Should you confront that bastard and have his ass locked up. Should you tell your family the truth and start rebuilding your life? He raped you for years and stole your childhood. How can you allow him to live his life without any repercussions or consequences for his actions? Normally, I try to have all the answers and try to offer good solid advice. But, this is a difficult situation and I have none. Do what you have to do. Protect your children. Make a decision and don’t look back!
Worst Night Mare
Secret 93 You can't seem to make up your mind about anything. You seem clueless on every issue. One minute you want a man. The next day, you can live without one. When you have a good one, you're discussing marriage, house and kids. When you get upset, it's another story. You hate your job, but you won't quit. You can't stand your best girlfriend, yet you talk to her everyday. You're overweight, but won't work out. You can't stand being broke, but hate to work. You love kids, but don't want any. You're tired all the time, but won't take a break. Everyday it's the same story with you. All you do is complain to whoever will listen. You're boring everyone with the same tired song. It's the story of your life back and forth, wishy washy, flip flop, two steps forward, two step backwards, spinning in constant circles, in love today, in hate tomorrow. It's no surprise why you can't seem to make any progress in your relationships. You believe with all your heart that you're a complicated, extremely intelligent sister. But, it's clear to us you lack maturity, focus and are too indecisive; we'd rather call you "Confused as Hell". What man wants a sister who can't make a decision about serious issues? Your position changes daily. It just depends on how you feel. What man can build a picture with you? What brother can plan a future with a person that's this unstable? You're married today, divorced tomorrow, in business one moment, bankrupt the following year, happy about being pregnant this month, in the abortion clinic 16 weeks later. When your advice is required, you have none. When you're pissed off, you have plenty. You have no solutions for anything, but quick to point out every problem. Nothing ever works in a relationship with you partly, because you're so unreliable. If you need something, you're quick to ask. But, if the favor is needed in return, you can't be found. You know the drill...sometimes a friend and sometimes not. Men are searching for a sister who's strong enough to help him make solid decisions. What president wants a vice president who can't make a call? What relationship built on sand can last? If you ladies ever plan on getting or keeping a man, think about what was said in the above paragraphs. Just as aggravating as it was to write this crap, it's even worse dealing with this sister. Trust me when I tell you...any sister who rolls like this is worse than your "Worse Nightmare".
A Few Good Men
Secret 94 I'm sure many of you "Available, Successful and Still Single" females think the odds exist the same on the other side of the board. But, here are the cold hard facts. Out of the 100% of quality men available, 20% are dead from either disease or murder. This leaves us with 80%. Another 20% are in jail or on probation. Another 20% are unemployed. 10% are suffering from substance or alcohol abuse, and an additional 10% are gay. Out of the 20% left, 10% are married. This leaves another 10% of which half maybe faithful. So the chances of finding a God fearing, tall, dark, handsome, healthy, successful, single man are rare. And this is a understatement! Is the black man an endangered species? He is! Is this a pathetic situation? It is! What exactly are the sister's options? Not many. You don't like these odds? Well, you shouldn't. So what can the sisters do with the deck stacked against them? Not much. If you were fortunate enough to find a decent man, I'd hold on to him. Stop throwing every fish back into the water. 70% of all marriages still end in divorce. So, if the brother has some redeeming qualities, then you're ahead for the game. If he also has a few character flaws, you may want to reconsider kicking him to the curb every time you get upset with the man. Should you deal with abuse? Definitely not! However, being disrespected could be skating the line since everyone feels disrespected about one thing or another. Here's the deal...there are "A Few Good Men", but only a few. Stop looking for the perfect man with no problems because he doesn't exist. This is useless unless you planned on staying single or dating your girlfriends. Aren't you tired of spending the holiday seasons by yourself? Aren't you tired of sleeping alone? Aren't you frustrated with accepting the reality of being single? You say you want a family; well, I'd work on it. Stop sitting at home waiting on "God to send you a man." I think God helps those who help themselves. You didn't get your job by sitting home, did you? Your mortgage doesn't get paid every month because you prayed for it, does it? You've got to put in some work like everything else in this world. You know the odds, so do something about it. Maybe one of those "Few Good Men" could be yours.
Load too Heavy
Secret 95 We can't move forward because your baggage won't allow it. It makes no sense going into the details, so I won't bother. Thanks to you...your unresolved problems have just become mine. Now you want me to pay for every bad memory and every bad relationship you've ever had. I didn't know you then..."Thank God"... but our relationship has to suffer because of it. All I wanted to do was love you, but your bad experiences wouldn't allow that to happen. You treat our relationship like it's a piece of trash, like something that can be thrown away in a moments notice. Then you want me to believe in you when you can't even believe in yourself. How do you expect our relationship to survive when you don't even have answers to problems you created? How can you expect me to come up with answers to your problems when I have problems of my own? How can you expect me to come up with anything logical? I'm not a philosopher, psychologist or psychiatrist; I'm just an average guy who was looking for love. How can you expect me to love you unconditionally? You want me to stay, but I can't. Why? Because your "Load is too Heavy". You say I don't love you, but I do. I just love myself a little bit more, too much not to accept this foolishness. This is another sad story of a sister unprepared for a committed relationship. It resulted in another brother's plans ruined by a sister who wasn't ready to move to the next level. Relationships are meant to build each other up not tear each other down. If you've had unresolved issues in your past, is it right to ask someone else to deal with it? I don't think so!!! Don't get being in love confused with being stupid. You can't expect someone to deal with serious issues you haven't addressed. Why would they do that? No one plans to "Knowingly be miserable" in a relationship...of which there are choices. You bring too many problems to a relationship that already has enough to deal with. So, if you're not worried about it, how can you expect me to be concerned? Maybe "Doing Nothing" was your choice, but "Doing Nothing" isn't an "Option for me!"
The First 48
Secret 96 When I asked you out on our first date, I didn't have a clue it would be the worst date ever. You originally told me you were single, but I couldn't tell because all you did was talk about your ex. I thought, after 30 minutes you'd give it a break, but you couldn't stop talking about the guy. I don't know why you'd think I'd even care. Maybe you're just not over the man. I haven't known you for 48 hours and I hate that I ever met you. I didn't want to hear your entire life story. Was it necessary to give me 20yrs of stories in 2 days? Did you have to tell me about every man you'd ever dated? Do you have any idea of how much you're boring the hell out of me? Do You? I guess not because you won't quit. Are you trying to tell me something or what? Apparently I'm not getting it. Is there some point to this madness? Just what exactly are you doing besides embarrassing yourself and giving me a reason to take you home early? I swear if you say another thing about another man you've dated, I'm gonna kill myself. That would be a lot better than hearing another minute of this crap. "This man...did this. That man... didn't do that." What in the hell are you thinking, Ms. I Ain't Got No Common Sense? Do you really think the new guy is interested in those old stories? Are you insecure or what? I'm still not getting it. What's the point? What, exactly, is the purpose? Then, you wonder why the man never calls you back after the first date or why you can't seem to keep a man. No real Brother with balls is going to sit around and listen to your old man stories. If he does, he's no contender. He's just another pretender. Why would you want another man like that? What happened to leaving the past in the past? What happened to moving forward and putting the past behind you? What happened to having enough respect for yourself and your date not to bring that garbage up on "The First 48"?
Secret 97 You don't have any morals whatsoever. The worse part about it is you don't give a damn! So, that fiancé of yours who you claim to love, well, guess what? You're doing his best friend. Depending on how frisky you feel, they both may get done on the same day. You never get enough sex. To be frank, you never will. If it's with someone else's man, well, that makes it ten times better. So, Mr. Pastor...he'll be getting a piece after Sunday school. Oh...Mr. Boss Man. He wants you to work late to "crunch numbers". No problem. You've never considered yourself a whore because you don't charge for sex. Men don't have to pay your bills or give you a loan. But, if he wants to show "Some love" or throw you a little change, well, you're no fool You'll take it. Your girlfriends hate to introduce you to their men because you can't be trusted. You're the type of sister who's always wearing a short, low cut dress, bending over to pick up something. If not that, you're batting your eyes and sitting around with your legs open. If he's weak...well, that's the point. If he can't control that head between his legs, then good for you. "You'll do it." It's just something about having all these men drooling all over you that just turns you on and makes you hot. You hate men, but love sex. Your twisted mind can't figure it out. So, what the hell? You ain't trying. You really think "You've got it going on". I guess you do because these men will risk everything they have to get a sniff. The seedier it is the better. There are no limits to what you'll do; and you don't care whose man it's with. Priest, judges, deacons, the disabled, janitors or junkies are all fair game. If they want some, come and get it. You'll do two or three men at one time with no problem. You love a triple-threat. Double penetration....loves it. The more the merrier. You're a "Beast", plain and simple. Any brother who decides to play, well, is a loser. You don't plan on getting married and really could care less about a married man. You're not confessing your sins on Sunday and you'll definitely do a co-worker on Monday. You don't worry about going to Hell. As far as you're concerned, "Hell doesn't exist and neither does God!" Well, "Ms. Satan", everyone has a price to pay for every decision, good or bad. Believe what you like, but when all Hell breaks loose...and it will...don't be too arrogant to fall on your knees and ask for forgiveness! Just remember, "You reap what you sow not what you intend to sow"!
Secret 98 You can't disrespect me on any level then think I'm going to call you. So keep waiting. It doesn't work like that, lil Momma. Oh, you're mad about something; well, you'd better learn how to express your feelings in a more respectful way. If you want to end our relationship, then you'd better use some tac and compassion. Don't even think about doing it over the phone; how scandalous is that? If you think you're going to run all over my feelings without warning or notice, then guess what? I have quite a few surprises for you, too. So, don't have a change in heart anytime soon because I'm not calling you. Got a new boyfriend paying your bills, getting high priced tickets to football games? Well, good for you. Just don't tell me about him because I could care less. Don't even bother comparing me to him because we're in two different leagues. For the record, don't break up with the man because I won't be calling or waiting for you. So, you say you're sorry. You didn't mean everything you said. You were a little hurt, stressed out, mad and confused. Don't worry. No problem. This is how it is, Ms. "Call Waiting". Personally, I'm tired of your wishy washy ways, that disrespectful mouth and funky attitude. I'm burnt out hearing your constant complaints and listening to those indecisive decisions. I'm through dealing with the name calling, arguments and misunderstandings. You won't be disrespecting me or my family ever again. So, keep sitting over there with that grin on your face. It ain't over. We just got started. It's round two. Most of all, don't sit by the phone because I won't be calling you. You've got unfinished business or something you want to get off your chest? You got the number. You know what to do. Whatever you do, just don't wait on that call. It ain't coming! "Now that's cold blooded!!!"
You’ve Got Mail
Secret 99 You prance your ass around this office like you don't have any faults whatsoever. Everybody has some kind of hang-up. If we didn't know any better, we'd think you didn't have any either. You're judgmental and critical of everyone you meet and, just for the record, no one likes you. You're quick to point fingers at others and slow to point them at yourself. You stay on that computer pretending like you're working so hard. But, we know you aren't doing a damn thing. Why? Because you're minimizing your screen every time someone walks by. When you get home, it's the same thing. You're on the computer again, typing away. Doing what? You're visiting your favorite websites and checking your emails from your online buddies in those adult chat-rooms. His screen name is "Rambone". You have a few names yourself Black & Wild, Horny Housewife, Slippery when Wet. It just depends on what day of the week it is. It's the first thing you do when you get home surf the internet looking for someone to have internet sex with. The kids will have to figure out how they're going to eat on their own and the husband doesn't have a clue what's going on. Then, when you find someone in the chat-room is when it gets real "Hot & Juicy". Oh yea, you like it from the back; you're doing women, two men, young boys, sex toys and animals. There are no limits to what you'll do. That’s why you love it so much. You can be whatever or whoever you want, prostitute, whore, slut, heifer, b#tch, dominatrix, transvestite or transsexual. That's the beauty of it. All you have to do is change your screen name and reply to all those emails. This is just what you plan to do. Spend countless hours on your computer with strangers all over the world while neglecting the very people that matter. But, it's your life, your home, your family and your career. Ruin it with your addiction if you like, "Cyber-chick". I'm sure you think your actions are all innocent fun and games. But, just because you aren't touching the men doesn't mean you aren't whoring. It's still an affair and a problem anyway you "Type it". Sorry, I mean "Cut it". The only thing we're trying to figure out is how you are able to masturbate and type at the same time. Damn, that's impressive. But you'd better see a doctor, "Ms. I Got Mail" because; at this point you're definitely sick and probably a lot worse than you think. Yea ...yea...We know...You don't wanna hear this crap.... You go!!! "You've Got Mail".
Secret 00 You don't know how to cook, never have and never will. You didn't have to when you were growing up. "Momma" took care of that and you're too busy now. Those were the good old days. Women now don't have time to cook, clean, work and raise the kids. There aren't enough hours in the day for that. Plus, with all the fast food restaurants going low-fat, "I'll just pick up something on the way home". "I'm too tired to be home slaving in a kitchen for an unappreciative man. He doesn't care if I cook or not. Anyway it's everyman for himself in this house. If he's that hungry, he knows where the kitchen is...he has two hands. Cooking takes up too much time and energy, not to mention cleaning up afterward. It's too much work and too much aggravation for a man who doesn't eat at home anyway." Believe it or not, good food is still the way to a "Man's heart" for a woman who can cook...and the quickest way to the "Men's room" if she can't. If your man doesn't eat at home, chances are he's eating somewhere else. You may need to spend more time in the kitchen. Stop being naive enough to think he's going to the drive-thru every time he gets hungry. If the meal is good, trust me, he'll be at home. Then, you wonder how Mrs. Unattractive got a man who looked like that. How was she able to keep that man happy and running home every-night? She's probably putting that foot in the meal and it's just the kick in the butt that he was looking for. Any sister who is disillusioned behind this fact should try a simple home experiment. Cook a well intended meal. Trust me. Men are tired of meeting, dating and marrying females who don't know their way around a kitchen. Even if you're not the "Sharpest Knife" in the kitchen, if you want to keep your man at home or get him to come home, tired or not...cook a "Good Meal".
Part 11: Bonus Chapters
No Nuts No Glory
Secret 101 You don't want to talk about this topic. Why? Because you claim to already know enough about it. You don't need my advice. Why? Because you said you'll do anything for the right man. Well, you have a man so what's the problem? Oh, I forgot he's one, but not "The One". Well, in the meantime all the other ones get whatever, whenever you decide to give it. In most cases, is not nearly enough or none at all? When you decide to do it, which you claim is the best thing since sliced bread, it's so rare, and it’s hard to remember how good it was. What in the hell is he talking about? You guessed it, "SEX"!!! Haven't we already discussed this topic before? Well, since you ladies can't seem to get it, here we go again. If you're not having sex with your man on a regular basis, then "TRUST ME", he's getting it somewhere else. What's regular? Ask him... don't ask me. For one guy once a month may be enough (doubt it), for the other guy everyday isn't nearly enough. You'd better ask him and decide in the beginning if you're up to the task. Quit running to Victoria's Secrets and cooking all those candle light dinners, he could care less. Stop thinking for him and ask him. "How much of my black ass do you need and how often do you want it?" When you hear the answer don't be shocked!!! Don't go running to your girlfriends’ house, don't call your momma and don't call a sex therapist. This is what I've been trying to tell you ladies through out this book. Feed him, then (F) him and do it in the reverse order. Stop making me the bad guy for telling you the truth. I'm not doing that UNLESS he does X Y and Z for me. I'll do that when he does so and so for me. I've got more important thing to do, then to please him. When he treats me special, then I'll treat him special. I'm sleepy. My back hurts. I'm cramping. I've got work to do. I've got a headache. I'll do it next week. My doctor said, "Wait six weeks". I've got a yeast infection. Johnny has a homework assignment. I gotta walk the dog. I've gotta go the store, clean the house. How about this, "why don't you go to HELL with all those damn excuses". Or start sharing your man with that "Nasty B#tch" down the street. Or better yet your girlfriend that he's b#tching to. If you don't want to do it, then why are you with him? Are you ladies serious? How can you expect your man to be faithful to this "MESS"? Are you kidding me? Or are you kidding yourself. Then, you ladies say, you hate liars, cheaters and all the drama. Drama is the end result, when men lie and get caught, dealing with sisters who claim they know how to please their man. New flash, doing it whenever "you get ready", isn't taking care of your man. It's giving it to him "whenever you get ready"...Mrs. Ms. Selfish. The truth is this, if the above is the best you can do for your man and you don't give a damn about what I wrote. Get your ass ready for the games, deceit, liars, cheaters, players, ballers, tricks, pimps, whores, macks and the big daddy's. When a man can't get what he wants at home, and when he wants it. He'll eventually get it from somewhere else. Now, I'm telling you what it is, NOT what
you want to hear. When he has "No Nuts", because you took them all, it will be hard for him to have any "Glory" anywhere else. If he's still messing around, "then you haven't drained them very well and you've still got some more (F) to do"!!! It's nasty, that's true... but it's the truth!!! "
Secret 105 It only comes once a year. You'd think you would have made better plans. But, you didn't make any plans at all, did you? Why? Because you've been too busy worrying about other stuff-mainly yourself! It wasn't intentional, so you say. It just slipped your mind. You were even too busy to pick up an irrelevant card. "You know the ones that really don't say what you mean." You claim you love him but that isn't true. Is it? You just love what he can do for you. Which isn't much, let you tell it. The real deal is this, "You don't want him and you don't want anybody else to have him". Is that why you're so forgetful this time every year? Putting you're last minute plans together, pretending like you've been planning this special day for weeks. Is that the real reason you haven't thrown that fish back into the pond? Mister can't get a card, gift, meal or ass; but he can get a mouth-full if he pulled the same stunt and forgot your anniversary, birthday, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day or Christmas. Oh yea, we can get plenty of, "you didn't do this", "you forgot to pay that", "when do you plan to finish this?" "How many times do I have to remind you about that?" This is just how most of you sisters roll. The worst part is you really could care less. Let his tail come home without a card or a gift and he'll be paying for that mistake for months and sometimes years. You forget no problem. "He'll be alright!" You missed his birthday and forgot to pick up a gift. "He'll get over it." What most of you sister fail to realize is, "we don't get over it". We may never say a thing, but we won't be "alright" either. What we will be doing is looking for someone to replace your sorry tail. Our birthday wasn't important enough to you to plan something special? Oh really? You forgot to pick up a card on Father's Day. No kidding? That argument couldn't wait for another day? Tell me you're joking. Was it that necessary to ruin this day? Was it? You didn't think for a moment that he was special enough to remember one day out of 365? Really??? Well, how about this, we'll keep acting like there isn't a problem with this picture. We'll even keep remembering all your "f#%'in holidays" to keep the static down. But we're not happy-campers. And don't think for a moment we'll forget. We won't!!! Ladies, you don't want to hear that... "I forgot crap". Neither do we. You may get the "I forgot pass" once or twice. But, keep forgetting him if you like, and he'll eventually find
someone with a better memory. Then, you have the nerve to ask "Why do men cheat"? "Hey Honey, I'm going out with the boys. I'll be back in a few hours."
Secret 106 In High School you were voted most popular and most likely to succeed. Why, because you were all of that and a bag of chips? Back then you were petite, smart, and definitely cute. Your boyfriend was both the football Star and Prom King..."Oh Yea," you had it going on alright and could make a "Wide Receiver...Go Long!" Well, in your senior year "Ms. Hot Pants," you got pregnant and dropped out of school and guess who the "Baby Daddy" was; "You'd Bet Ya" Mr. Prom King himself. He went on to graduate, even went to college; you hung around the neighborhood and decided to raise your baby girl..."Grrrreat Call," Smart Ass. Which never made good sense anyway, since you didn't considered going back to school to get your GED. You're a survivalist and have always managed to keep a job doing something or a boyfriend with a little money. Between the two, you've kept your bills paid, even purchased a house. Well not exactly, it's a rental...but you ain't letting that secret out. You're "Too hip to be Happy" and a "Scholar" on every topic...Damn! How is that? Now three decades later, no one can tell you a thing and you run your mouth all the time; mostly talking about non-sense, but you're still cute so who cares. When you're talking it's mostly in a circle, so no one ever gets the point and even you forget what the topic is about from time to time. The last man you dated called you an "Air Head." Why? Because your life is guided by the stars, you'll study astrology, numerology and read your horoscope everyday but won't pick up a book. You'll start on every project under the sun but won't complete a thing. You can't keep a man because "You ain't Settling" and keeping a permanent job is out of the question because you're too damn lazy. What a Joke! You probably could have been something important like a "Hair Stylist" with your limited education, but that's too much hard work... so you say. So as it stands you have no formal education and not a bit of street sense either. You're spiritual but don't attend a Church or a Mosque. You don't date many men, so your knowledge about them is limited too. You don't read or write very well but that's another story and we've already been there. So what advice do I have for you...."Not a Damn Thing?" But I have plenty for the Brothers, leave this "Nut Case" alone if you don't plan on spending your life in a "Little white padded room" with doctors walking around in white coats peering through your small bedroom window. This girl is going to drive your ass nuts with either the long conversations that end up nowhere or all the men who'll be chasing her around thinking she's the girl of their dreams. Well you'll be dreaming alright...straight to the "crazy house," where your tail belongs in a straight jacket. Well Ok...I do have a little advice for "Lil Momma," get your head out of the clouds and stop reminiscing about what you did three decades ago. Come back to planet earth, we have computers now..."Education is a terrible thing to waste" and people stop using "Pagers" a long time ago. Even "Michael" knows how to send a text msg. So what are you saying Author; You lost me on that? Oh, I'm sorry...I forgot the point
I was trying to make. What was I talking about??? LOL!!! "That's the Point...There is No Point!"
Secret 107 When asked, what kind of man are you looking for? Without a moments notice out pops your list. You want a good looking, tall, dark & handsome man, or at least someone taller than yourself. You're not looking for a short man with a big mouth. Who wants that? But someone that really makes you feel like a lady in public. The brother you're looking for takes good care of himself inside and out. He doesn't have a problem going to the gym or watching his weight, he's just that kind of man. This is a focused brother that who really knows to treat a lady and he also has a great relationship with his mom. You prefer someone that is kind, thoughtful and generous with his money. Not a cheap-skate always complaining about spending a buck? You're looking for someone with a big heart, big enough to help a person in need. Where's this man you ask? "I'll keep on writing. We'll find him." You want a "take control" kind of man, one who is confident but not cocky, and someone that is responsible and knows how to handle his business. You don't have the time to be reminding a grown man about his affairs, you're too busy for that. Plus, he keeps a checklist in his pocket everywhere he goes. This man is a "go-getter" and really knows how to express himself without losing his temper. Not some lazy, silly child, that doesn't know how to control himself when he's angry, the man you're speaking of is well read and commands the English language. He has traveled the world and doesn't have any problems taking a travel companion. He dresses properly for every occasion, whether it's a Broadway play or picnic in the park. He knows what to wear. The man you're talking about knows how to make this transition with no problems whatsoever. Not some brother still wearing white socks with a suit on. "My goodness didn't your mother teach you how to dress." Ladies, am I getting warmer. "Well, I'll keep on going." Mr. Man is cool, calm and collected. Nothing rattles his cage. He can handle anything that comes his way. He knows how to pick up a paint brush, even knows his way around the kitchen. If the house needs cleaning, he can do that too. Cut the grass or wash a car, no problem. This brother is not only neat but has good taste. In the bedroom he doesn't miss a beat. He's romantic and sensual, supportive but not smothering. He really makes you feel special in every way. He's thoughtful, considerate, kind, loyal, honest, trustworthy, loving and caring. When you're with him, nothing matters. He's just that type of guy. Have you heard enough? Oh No! No problem! I'll continue. He's a God fearing man or at least spiritual. God is first in your life. So, you need a brother who feels the same way. He can't be the head of your house, if God isn't the head of his. Well this man already knows that, so let’s keep this picture moving forward. He's a protector and provider, old school in some ways, new school in others. He loves kids, family, and friends and doesn't mind a good party. He even knows how to tell a good joke. So I wouldn't tease him. On the dance floor he can two step, in the bedroom he knows plenty about four play. He's patience and he is never in a hurry. This brother definitely has it all together, doesn't he? Do you still want me to continue? I can?
I can go on, and on, if you like. But, I think I'll stop here, because it's senseless. Then, you ladies have the nerve to wonder why you're still "Single"!!! You don't have a clue why, do you? You haven't found him yet? Oh Really!!! Not looking? No Kidding!!! Waiting on God to send him to you? I'll bet you are!!! Well, keep on waiting ladies!!! Maybe you'll figure out this brain teaser before you finish this book!!! Ok, I'll help you. "Don't be so greedy "Man eater". You can't have it all, even if you believe you deserve it." "So who's for dinner Ms. Lector?"
Secret 109 You have nothing but questions, "private investigator", for every man you meet. Not the general questions that most men would expect on a first meeting. But some of the craziest sh#t that you think is important. The funny part is, you expect men to be completely honest with you, a virtual stranger. Why, because you told him so. You told him he could trust you. Which by most accounts to the average man is a joke? You want the truth about every skeleton in the man's closet. Forget the general stuff; you want to get straight to the meat. Are you married or single? How many girlfriends do you have? Have you ever slept with a man? Have you ever used drugs or been convicted of a crime? How many baby mommas do you have? Do you live by yourself? Do you have a job and where do you work? How much money do you make? What side on town do you live on? Have you ever hit a woman? Why did you and your ex break up? Where does she live? How's your credit? What's your blood type? Are you on any medication? Are you good in bed? Do you eat..."You know what"? "Boy...ya'll nasty!!!" I thought you ladies said, "You were attracted to intelligent men". You want the truth, here's the truth. "Go to Hell with those crazy ass questions." What convicted felon is going to confess to a crime on a first date? What idiot is going to admit to having two or more girlfriends? How many bozos do you think are going to be straight and forth coming to you? Why would he do that, if he has one chance to make a first impression? Just maybe if you have to ask these types of questions on a first date, maybe you should do a better job picking your men. Or you may want to get used to being single or hearing the lies. Oh yea, we almost forgot you hate liars too. Is that the reason why you ask all those questions? Are you really hoping to catch him in a lie down the road somewhere? Or do you just do it, hoping this helpless idiot, thinks you're his priest? Any man with half a brain knows you're not asking those questions because you really care about him. Is the real reason you ask those ignorant questions, is that you're hoping his "foolish ass" breaks down and tell you the truth? Why? So you can size him up and tell him about himself. That's if he's dumb enough to hang around for a minute or two. You don't have any problems telling him to go to hell with his trifling ass. Stop the foolishness ladies. It's not about where he was but where he's going. Every man has a past he's not proud of. If you had to really be honest with yourself, you've had some stories that would turn a few heads. Stop judging men by their past and thinking you know everything about him because you asked a few personal questions. If the truth is really that important to you, then hang around long enough to get it. "Truth you can't hide." Hell Date!!!
Married & Miserable
Secret 112 Every time you turn around some girlfriend is telling you about her new man, her sex life, and inviting you to her wedding. Normally, all those invitations wouldn't be an issue. But, when you look around, you're the only one still single. It's not like you haven't had a few offers over the years. You just haven't found anyone worth going the distance with. Well, that's not quite true. Your "Baby's Daddy" has been bugging you for years. He wants a family. What a joke considering he left you when you told him you were pregnant. Then, to add insult to injury, he wants you to quit your job, move to another city, relocate without any security, be a live-in girlfriend, and bring his child while you're at it. "Well, that's not happening." But, you will consider his offer if, he puts a ring on your finger. So, the choice is his; either he marries you and you'll bring his seed or the deal is off. It doesn't matter to you either way. You've been taking care of yourself for years. He can't do anything for you that you haven't been doing yourself. Well, after a little thought he accepts your "plea-offer" on the contingency that you handle all the particulars. He doesn't want to be involved in planning any details on any level. Just give him the wedding date and he'll be there. That's fine with you, because you've been planning this day in your head for years. He doesn't have to officially propose. You two have an understanding. Who cares if the broke joker can't afford the wedding or buy you a ring? You have a few bucks saved up. You'll handle all of that. "You two get married." "You shouldn't have." Why, "Because you don't love him." You just care for him a little bit. The way you see it, you can't lose. Your child gets a live-in dad. You can finally get this "non-married" mess off your back and gain the wifey title in the process. After a couple of months, you realize what you already knew. "You married the wrong man." But rather than get a divorce, you'd rather stay with him. Why, because it's less embarrassing that way. If you're lucky, he'll leave you once he figures out what you've already known. You're still a hero in the family. Why, because you tried to make the marriage work. He left. He messed up. So, why did you get married? That's the million dollar question. You already know why. You did it for the ring, house, and the title. You got a husband and a live-in father for your efforts. Who cares if he's miserable? The most important thing to you is your image and how everyone perceives you. It's exactly what you wanted out of the deal. But, let the truth be told. The very people who you think are watching you could care less what you do!
Grrrreat Job....Selfish Ass!!!