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Real time with Bill Maher Donald Trump

New Rule: Now that he's suing me for five million dollars because he says he's proved that he
is not the love child of an orangutan Donald Trump must learn two things: !hat a "o#e is
and what a contract is$
Now let me catch you up on how all this got started: during the last wee# of the presidential
campaign last year Donald Trump who previously had been a one issue candidate obsessed
with %bama's birth certificate announced that he would give five million dollars to charity if
%bama produced his college records && because a blac# guy getting into college' (omething
fishy there$
(o playing on the fact that the only other thing in nature with the same color hair as Trump's
is the orange haired orangutan ) "o#ed that Donald Trump needed to show me his papers to
prove he wasn't hiding a bad secret about his birth && this is #nown as *parody* and it's a form
of something we in the comedy business call a *"o#e$* Naturally ) also aped if you will
Trump's offer of money to a charity of his choosing which ) identified as the +air ,lub for
Men$ This upset the Donald so much they could barely get him to stop flinging his feces$
Now public figures of course don't always li#e everything that's said about them but that's
how we roll here in -merica && "ust li#e we're the gun country we're the "o#e country. we love
our free speech and we love celebrities getting ta#en down a peg so Don should "ust suc# it
up li#e everyone else does$
But not Trump && his lawyer (cott Balber sent me a letter && ) shit you not this is real && that
"Attached hereto is a copy of Mr. Trump's birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son
of Fred Trump, and not an orangutan."
Do these morons even know it's impossibe for peope and apes to produce offspring!
(o ) ignored the letter li#e ) ignore all letters ) get from cra/y people and ) forgot about the
whole thing until this wee# when Trump and his lawyer actually sued me for the five million
&& and don't forget this is not a libel case$ They seem to be trying to set a bold new precedent
that "o#es on late night tal# shows are now legally binding agreements between the comedian
and the person they're ma#ing fun of$ 0eah )'m sure this'll go all the way to the (upreme
The legal system in this country is not a "o#e && it's not a toy for rich idiots to play with$ -nd
fran#ly what they released raises more 1uestions than it answers && at least it does to a
growing chorus of patriotic -mericans who call ourselves *-pers* and we're "ust as#ing
3uestions li#e && well what they put out: )t's the short form *,ertification of 4ive Birth* not a
birth certificate$ )t was clearly made on a dot&matri5 computer printer and includes a
scannable bar code two technologies that were hardly around in 6789$ !here's the original
long&form certificate' Because a short&form copy of a birth certificate unsigned by an
attending physician isn't proof of anything$ 0ou #now who ) learned that from'
) learned that from Donald *But )'m !hite* Trump who wouldn't accept the e5act same
document from the president$
But remember who we're dealing with here: a man who for a little e5tra publicity will happily
#eep alive a debate over whether his family reunions are held at the /oo$