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Scene one

OF TEENS v. 15
Prepared by Henry Jefferson Morco, John Richbert Go
With special collaboration with Mr. Gilbert Que
Chiang Kai Shek College High School Department

DISCLAIMER: All characters are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
people, dead or alive, perverts or otherwise, is purely coincidental.

CHARACTERS
 Nikki : High school student
 Candice : Nikki’s sister, undergraduate student in a
university
 Maid : The story teller, the maid, the one who keeps
answering the phone
 Cedric : Nikki’s boyfriend
 Dad : Nikki’s and Candice’ Father
 James : Cedric’s promiscuous friend
 Ian : Cedric’s another promiscuous friend
 Nathan : Still another promiscuous friend
 Ian : Still another promiscuous friend
 Gabby : Nikki’s female friend and confidant
 Nick : Nikki’s gay friend and confidant
 Petunia : Still another friend of Nikki
 Macy : Nikki’s emo friend
 Martin : Candice’s boyfriend; voiced by Dad.
 Mom : Nikki’s mother; works abroad in BELARUS

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Scene one

SCENE 1 FIRST MEETING
Music : Party Scene 2012
Summary : Dance Party. Nikki and Cedric meet for the first time.
(pantomime)
Scene will close with a Te-Amo Dance number


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Scene two

SCENE 2 SOMEBODY’S MISBEHAVING / INTERVENTION OF MANANG
Music: Careless Whisper
Summary : This is the original sex scene and the part where
manang first appears.
White curtain draped. Only silhouettes will be seen, suggesting a
titillating unspeakable scandalously amoral act between Nikki and
Cedric. “Careless Whisper” playing in the background. Unintelligible
human sounds not fit for print. Then suddenly, a knock ! Cedric’s head
surfaces atop the curtain!
Cedric : What?!
Maid : (voice only) Nikiiiiiiiiiiiii.... What are yu doing in
derrrrrrrrrrr?
Cedric : Nikki, quick! Hide under the bed!
(Music fades)
Nikki : Ok .. ok... where’s my panty?
Cedric : No.. no! That’s mine! Hurry!
Nikki : Ok.. okay.. don’t rush me...
Manang : Nikkii? Are you alright?
Cedric : Uh... yes manang... just a minute!
Maid : Nikki?! Who’s der wid you?
Nikki : ( head appears. whispering, gestures to silence Cedric)
Shhh ! Idiot ! we’re in my house... shut up!
Nikki : (makes a deep, manlike voice) Ehem... UH, No one! I’m
ok, just leave us (curses under breath) – me uh...
alone!
Maid : Nikki, is that a man I hear ? Are you making boises?
How can a boy and a girl be in one room? Teenagers
these days?
Nikki : (normal) Oh, damn! I’m so messed up! (calls) Yes,
Manang, I was just joking around with Ced– I mean you.
Yes, I’m just joking with you... hahaha (anxious laugh)
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Scene two

Maid : Okaaay, Nikki... (footsteps away) You sawnd so
strenge...
Nikki : Uh.. I’m just having sex here ! I mean no! I mean
practicing... practicing..
Maid : Ha? You’re praktising seks? But you supposed to do wid
sambadi... not alone... it is bad por you...
Nikki : Manang! I’m not doing what you think I’m doing...?
Huh! Such a dirty mind! I’m just vocalizing here....
To Cedric: That was a close one... shhh... be
quiet... (puts ear on the door and listen for
footstep... Footstep walk away...)
Hay... she’s gone..
Cedric : uh... where were we ? Oh no... where’s my condom? Did
you see it?
Nikki : What?! Never mind! (About to get dressed...)
Cedric : Wait ... wait... wait... I have another one...
come’on.... Don’t be a spoilsport.
(“Careless Whisper” continue.... along with unintelligible noises
unfit for print. Lights out. )


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Scene three

SCENE 3 PORTENTS
Nikki and Cedric talk to their friends about what
happened the night before. The talk to their friends in
separate locations, but the conversations happen
simultaneously AND alternately. *** (Like Grease Summer
Nights Scene)
BOYS (In a bar) GIRLS ( In a café )





















Cedric : HEY GUYS!!!! LAST NIGHT
WAS AWESOME!!!! (guys
cheer)



Martin : I don’t know how you
managed to get her laid
man!!




Cedric : Nikki can surely please a
guy… Trust me!


Nathan: So, what did you do??
Missionary?? Doggie??
(Cedric playfully hits
Nathan’s head)


Nick : SO NIKKI!! HOW DID LAST NIGHT
GO??

Nikki: Cedric was sooooooooooo
romantic! I think I like him
more!
Macy: Cedric?? Romantic??
Seriously??


Gabby: I agree with Macy!! You can’t
seem to place those two words
in one sentence. I smell
something fishy.
Petunia: Really?? I don’t see any
fish (facepalm)

Nikki: Hey, Cedric knows how to
flatter a girl you know!!
(group murmurs)


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Scene three































Ian: You’re not the typical jock
Ced. SPILL THE BEANS.



Cedric: Nikki held my shoulders and
slid them down my chest.

Nick: I think Cedric used some sort
of “gayuma” on you, girl!!
Macy: Honestly, he’s just an
ordinary jock.


Nick: WE WANT DETAILS!!!!
Nikki: Cedric gazed into my
eyes….and told me how pretty I
was last night. I didn’t even
comb my hair.


(both groups make kilig)
Nathan: Hey Ian, Martin. Do you
think Cedric’s making
this up??


Cedric: Shut up Nathan!! GUYS
STOP INTERRUPTING MY
STORY. Her head went near
me….

Cedric: Then….it happened.
BEYAM!!!!



Petunia: I live in a fairytale!!!!
Gaby: Petunia, please come back to
the real world.


Nikki: ….and we kissed!!!!


Nikki: He told me how much he loved
me….and that I meant the whole
world to him.
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Scene three



























Ian : DETAILS????


Nathan : YEAH. YOU’RE TOO VAGUE
MAN!!!!

Cedric : WE WERE ON FIRE!!!! We
wanted to try it when….

Macy and Gaby: TY-PI-CAL.
Nikki: He told me that I was the
only girl he loved truly!!!!


Nikki: It was magical!!!!

Nikki: ….hay, YAYA INTERRUPTED WHEN
WE WERE DOING IT!!!!

Both Barkadas: IT????
Nikki: (in a not so proud voice)
Uh….sex.

Cedric: THAT NEW POSITION I SAW
ONLINE!!!!


(girls + Nick gasp, guys cheer)

Gaby: You better check yourself
Nikki.

Macy: Things can be dangerous,
whether Cedric had rubber or
not.
Petunia: RUBBER DUCKY!!!! (claps
hands)

Nikki: I think you’re right Macy.

Nikki: ….hopefully nothing goes
wrong.

(girls & nick murmur…)
Nathan: NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M
TALKING ABOUT!!!!

Nathan: I better check Nikki out
more often. SHE’S HAWT.
(Cedric hits him
playfully)
Martin: You had rubber right??

Cedric: OF COURSE STUPID.

Cedric: I’LL GO NOW….

Cedric: AND BUY SOME DRINKS FOR
US!!! (guys cheer)



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Scene four

SCENE 4 NIKKI’S PREGNANT
Summary: The Pregnancy Kit Switch and the endless telephone
calls with manang. Scene ends with Manang dancing to
Telephone Dance
(Nikki holding a pregnancy test kit...)
Nikki : Please please please ... don’t turn red!
(Downstairs ... the phone rings...)
Maid : Hello... ?
Cedric : Ah.. is Nikki there ?
Maid : Cedri... she’s in the batruuum!
Cedric : Ah.. ok! Hangs up
(A knock from outside..)
Candice : Nikki! Get out of the bathroom ! I need to use it! NOW!
Nikki : Ah... just a few more minutes!
Candice : I don’t have a few more minutes! I have to gooooooo!
Nikki : ok ! ok ! (Looks for a place to hide the pregnancy
kit... Opens the door)
Candice : Huh! Finally! Out out out !
(Donwstairs.. the phone ring...)
Martin : Ah.. hello? Can I speak with Candice ?
Maid : Ah. Just a minut sir!
(Maid goes to Candice... sees that Candice is in the
bathroom. Goes back)
Maid : Sir Marrrtin! Candis is in the batruum!
Martin : oh, alright, I’ll call again...
(Upstaris ... inside the bathroom)
Candice : Please .. please .. please don’t turn red!
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Scene four

(Covers mouth.... Screams... rushes out of the
bathroom .. in her hurry, she left the pregnancy
kit...)
Nikki : (Goes into the bathroom.. sees the pregnancy
kit...thought it was hers... looks shock! )
RED ! Oh no! no! No! ... oh no, how did this happen?
How can I be pregnant?! Candice... oh no... she’ll
tell mom and dad... but ... but... how did she find
this..? Didn’t... didn’t I put it up there?...
(Candice came rushing back and sees Nikki holding the
kit . Both point fingers at each other )
Candice/Nikki : You !
Candice : Not a word to mom and dad!
Nikki : No Candice! We can’t tell mom and dad!
Candice : Not so loud! Get in !
Nikki : Thank you Candice...! You’re the greatest sister one
could ever ask for!
Candice : What the hell are you talking about?
(Both get inside the bathroom..
Downstairs... phone rings again...)
Cedric : Ah.. Nikki?
Maid : Cedring? She’s still in the batruuum..
Cedric : Huh?
Maid : yes! Becos it’s su hoot! She perspayr a lot!
Cedric : Ah.. ok...
(Puts down phone... Phone rings again!)
Maid : My Gudness! How kan I wurk ? Picks up the phone
Hello?
Martin : Ah... is Candice there ?
Maid : Nu sir! She’s in the batruum..
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Scene four

Martin : Again?
Maid : yes Sir! It’s biri hot day!
Martin : Well, tell her to call me...
Maid : Oki sir!
(Put down phone and phone rings again... Maid looks up
and sigh... picks up phone again..)
Cedric : Helllloooo (sounding tired )
Maid : ah... ah... oh hi Cedriiiiii
Cedric : Ah.. Nikki? Is that you?
Maid : (Pretending high pitch...) yes drii....
Cedric : Uh.. you sound really weird...
( Nikki approached and grabs the phone from the
maid... )
Nikki : Manang ! Turn to the phone
Cedri.. we have to talk...
Cedric : Heyy baby... aren’t we talking? So, why did you ask
me to call?
Nikki : I’m serious, could you come here to my house now? As
in NOW.
Cedric : Oh.. ah.... I’ll see what I can do ok? Maybe I’ll
swing by later.
Nikki : I’m serious Cedric. Be here. I’ll wait for you. Or
else...
Cedric : Wooah... ok, whatever...
Nikki argues with Cedric. Candice’s cellphone rings and she answers.
The two argue and shout to their phones. Then the landline rings.
Manang : WHAT IS IT WITH THE TELEPONE TODAAAAY! (picks up
landline and begins to sing)
<ENTER MUSIC: TELEPHONE>

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Scene five

SCENE 5 CONFRONTATION
Summary : The scene where Nikki tells Cedric she’s pregnant.
Nick’s entrance is extended. ( Song: Just the Way you
are. Nick and dancers)
Music : Just the way you are.
( Nikki`s house.. Garden. Nikki and Cedric are sitting on adjacent
seats. Near Cedric, is Nick, sitting with his back to the audience. He
is looking at his fingernails (not by bringing fingers to palm – the
other way-the girl way). He steals glances at Cedric once in a while.)
Cedric : WHAAAT!? But ... but... but...
Nikki : Lower your voice you moron!
Cedric : But.. it was just one time... it WAS one time wasn`t
it...?
(Cedric catches Nick stealing a glance)
Hey Nick, cut that out! I`m warning ya...
Nikki : Does it matter? What are we going to do ?!
Cedric : Wait... wait ... wait.... You can`t possibly want me
to... oh my God! Nikk(i), are you sayin–
Nick : (turns to Cedric with longing) Yes, Cedric? (giggles)
Cedric : NOT YOU!
Nick : Bite me, bad boy!
Cedric : Are you suggesting we get, like, married or something?
What are you ? 80? Yeech! No way, granny!
Nikki : Shut up Dri! We have to fix this!
Cedric : Just like fixing a broken vase ? ok.. ok.. okaayy....
Chill ... I`ll see what I can do.
Nikki : See? See what you can do? What the fuck do you mean?
Cedric : Well, you said to fix it. Don`t worry babe... we`ll
fix this.. come on ... things like this happen every
day and to most girls. Don`t get so worked up...
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Scene five

(Tries to put hands over Nikki`s shoulder... Nikki
would push him away... Cedric stands up.)
Nikki ...
Nick : Yes, m`dear?
Cedric : (to Nick) SHUT UP!
Nick : Che! What`s going on?
Cedric : (to Nikki) C`mon babe...
Nikki : Hmp!
Cedric : Honestly... that one time couldn`t have... hmm...
(Looks at Nikki accusingly..)
Nikki... are you sure that`s mine?
Nikki : Fuck you! How dare you?
( Slap! Nick lets out a scream! )
Nick : Ay! Ouch! (Covers mouth!)
Cedric : Hey! Watch it! You slap me again, I`ll forget you`re
a girl!
Nikki : I hate you!
Cedric : Well same here!
( Grunts and took off... Nikki was left crying... )
Nick : Oh, Nikki.... Here... ( gives her tissue paper... )
Nikki : ( Blow into the tissue.... prrt ! ... Whine !
Waah...)
Nick : ( Takes the tissue by the index finger and thumb and
throws it away and throws it away... Yuch !) Oh!
Nikki .... It happens to many girls.
( Doorbell rings... )
Nick : Ah! That must be Gabby! Wait dear... ( Manang comes
to open door, Nick stopped her ) It`s alright manang
dear... I`m on it...
Manang : O.. olrayt Nicko!
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Scene five

Nikki : ( Opens the door ) Gabby! Petunia! Macy! Finally
you`re here ! Hay...
Petunia (Dumb Blond): What….like happened to you Nikki?? Is there
something wrong??
Macy (Emo) : Is there anything right?
Petunia : OMG I have a dead nail!!!! Now everything’s ruined!!
Hey Gabby, can I borrow your mirror?? (Gets a small
mirror from Gabby’s bag without her consent) KThx gurl.
Gabby : Nick! I just saw Cedric left ... Oh Nikki! What
happened !? What`s wrong girl? Look at you! You`re a
mess!
Petunia : Ditto! You….look….TERRIBLE!!!! (goes over to Nikki and
tries to apply make up, Nikki tries pushes Petunia
aside, gently, but firmly) You know you really need to
look pretty. That should make the boys stay. You’ve
never had a stable relationship in like, forever!!
Maybe it’s because you look….uhhhh….dull?? HEEHEE.
Nick : Hay.... What else could it be? LQ with Cedri...
Gabby : Honestly , I don`t get it... what do you see in that
guy!
Macy : He’s not even good enough for anything. He’s a mess.
Like my life. Like this world. Nothing’s good enough.
Nick : Quiet girl friends! Nikki... when a boy storms off
like that, something`s wrong Comon. Spill.
Nikki : Like you didn`t hear anything! You WERE listening! I
SAW you!
Macy : (smirks) BUS-TED.
Petunia : YOU GO GIRL!!!! I never knew you had stalker skills in
you!! Hey look, a rainbow!!
Nick : Huh! How .. how could you accccussse me? I was just
playing coy... I didn`t hear it nooooh?
Nikki : Well... I guess it`s no big deal... I ... I`m
pregnant...
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Scene five

Nick : OhmaGawd! ( Jumps up and down and starts to look
dreamy..)
Gaby : Stop overacting Nick!
Petunia : So Nikki….you’re like, going to be fat? Ewwwwwww.
Macy : And your life will end as a new life begins in your
tummy. This is your end, friend.
Petunia : HEY THAT RHYMED!!!! You’re so funny Macy!! You should
be funny more often. Can’t you see that you’re having
wrinkles already?? (Looks at the mirror) I don’t have
wrinkles. Do you think I’m fat.
Macy : You can’t seem to get your yupper shut can’t you
Petunia?? (Petunia continues to admire her own beauty.)
Nick : Way to go girl! ( Pushes Nikki!)
Gaby : You`re crazy Nick.. and you`re not helping. Oh come
on... Nikki! Don`t tell me you`re gonna keep it?
You`re not that stupid are you?
Petunia : Nikki!! You’re ugly AND stupid?? Why does the world
hate you??
Macy : Yeah. Why does the world hate you Nikki??
Gabby : Shut up you two!! I don’t even understand why you’re
here.
Petunia : Cheh!!
Macy : Cheh!!
Nick : HEY THAT’S MY LINE!!!! Anywayyyyy….Hayy! This is so
so... kilig!
Petunia : Ditto girl!!
Gabby : Yeah.. I mean, like... we`re just in high school and
well... ( What Nick said just registered to her...
turns to Nick) What!? Nick.. you`re crazy.. kilig? Be
quiet! Nikki, you don`t want to get tied to old Cedri
would you?
Nikki : Hell no! It was just one time... we were just having
fun and ... honestly, I don`t know how it happened...
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Scene five

Macy : No one knows what’s happening to this dark….dark
world. But honestly….
Gabby : ….You should have been more careful, Nick..
Nick : Me?! Why, I never – ... well... I wish!
Macy : You wish.
Petunia : Mhmmmmmm. *snap, snap, snap*
Gabby : Nick, I meant Nikki.
Nick : (ignores Gabby,) Why Gabby, if you must know, (a la
Ricky Martin) I am proud to be a fortunate homosexual
man. But I am not ipso facto promiscuous! Ha! You
people accuse us of everything! Che!
Petunia : Oh c’mon, you’re snatching away the spotlight from me.
The whole world knows that I am the prettiest little
pink girl in the universe!!
Gabby : and you’re head is only full of ponies and rainbows am
I right??
Macy : Worse than ponies and rainbows I suppose. *smirks*
Nick : CHE. (Gabby and Macy = eyeroll.)
Nikki : HELLO GUYS!!!! I’M HERE!! (sighs) what am I going to
do?
Nick : (changes mood instantly) Well dear Nikki. Leave it to
Nick... come on, we`ll fix it ...
Nikki : You mean, like get rid of it?
Nick : Well, aren`t you ? Isn`t that what you want? O` come
on don`t play innocent with me!
Nikki : I don`t know... It`s wrong isn`t it?
Gabby : It`s wrong if you can`t take care of it ..
Macy : Like I said….after you have it, you won’t have a life,
like me in this cold dark world. It’ll be the end of
you, trust me. You’ll always be attached to
that…..that….
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Scene five

Petunia : Little sprout of life that’s slowly making you fat and
obese!!
Nikki : Petunia, for the LAST TIME, SHUT UP. And Stop calling
it IT!
Nick : Ok.. ok... ok... have it your way...
Petunia : Nikki’s going to have a babyyyyyyyyyyy!! I can’t wait
to see those chubby little cheeks that look good
enough to bite!! *thinks* Ewwww, I can’t believe I
just said that. Oh well, its’ true anyway. Baby cheeks
are wiggly and rosy!!
Macy : Shut up.
Petunia : You know those tiny dogs famous celebrities carry
around?? They dress their dogs in all the fancy
outfits!!
Nikki : What are you talking about??
Petunia : WAIT!!!! YOU HAVEN’T HEARD MY IDEA!!!! (VERY impatient)
Nick : Oh….boyi.
Petunia : What if you dress your baby like those dogs!! OMG YOUR
BABY WILL BE LIKE A LIVING, POOPING, ACCESSORY!!!! Or
maybe you can buy a dog and….dress….it up….like….a
baby?? (confused)
Macy : I honestly don’t know what’s worse.
Gabby : Can you please stop talking nonsense?? Anyway, Think
about it Nikki... okay? We`re here for you.
Nikki : I`m so confused!
Petunia : Me too….
Gabby : SHUT UP.
Petunia : (stunned….looks the other way) Oh look another
rainbow!!
Gaby : It’s the same rainbow.
( The two will pat Nikki and try to console her...)
Music.....
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Scene six

SCENE 6 CEDRIC AND FRIENDS
SETTING : In Cedric’s house. Cedric’s room. TV / computer screen.
James, Nathan and Ian all crowding around a TV set. The three make
disturbing sounds and mimic what they’re watching. And they will laugh
and push each other. Cedric is quiet.
Ian wears sunglasses. He never takes them off. Nathan pretends that he
knows a lot about sex but is actually very naïve.
James pull Cedric aside.

James : Hey man! What’s wrong with you? You okay?
Cedric : Huh! What? What? Oh… yeah.. I’m ok… I just need some
fresh air…
Nathan : hey Cedric! James! You’re missing all the fun!
James : C’mon Cedric…
Ian : Hey you two… are you gonna watch or what?
James : (To Nathan and Ian) Shut up …
Cedric : Uh.. you guys watch… I’m calling it a day…
James : Hey man… what’s wrong? You can tell me… c’mon… we’re
buddies…
Cedric : It’s Nikki…
James : Oh… what about her? Oh man… don’t tell me you guys
broke up already…
Cedric : Uh… it’s not that…
James : Well, then what?
Cedric : Well… see… uh…. uh…. I… I uh…. welllllll… she’s sort
of pregnant…
James : Woaaah... wait… wait… what do YOU MEAN SORT OF? Either
she is or she’s not?
Cedric : Well… she told me … and well…
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Scene six

James : Whoa... that’s serious man! I mean, how could you be
so careless? You watch porn every night ! It’s the
Golden Rule man, never cum inside !!!
Cedric : Shhhhhhhhhh!
Nathan : Hey! What’s the matter with you two?
James : (To Nathan and Ian) Shut up and just watch you morons!
Cedric : I don’t know, I mean, I think I did, you know? Yeah! I
did..
James : Well seriously man, is it yours? I mean, you said it
was just once...Of course you used a condom, right?
Cedric : Shut up! Son of a bitch ! Of course ! I used a rubber!
Nathan : Rubber? You need to use a condom stupid! What in the
world did you use rubber for? I mean, how is that
thing suppose to fit?
JAMES, CEDRIC, IAN STARE
James/Cedric/Ian: WHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Nathan : Yeah! Condoms! I mean… you know… it actually comes in
different flavors… try strawberry… I did… man… it
tasted good…
James/Cedric/Ian: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Nathan : Yah… strawberry… so tangy… um um um…
Ian : Uh… dude… You.. tasted… it?
Nathan : Uh… well…. No! No! I didn’t! You dimwit! I smelled it
and humped my inflatable doll- if you know what I
mean… ha.. ha.. ha… (nervously laughing)
Ian : Ohh… rrreaallllly? So… how’d you know it’s sweet? HA?
Nathan : Ah.. ah.. you can teeeelll… right? I mean, when you
use them a lot… you can TELL… And… I mean, don’t you
have to lick it before you put it on? Right? Right?
That’s why they put the FLAVORS … right? RIGHT?
James/Cedric: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
James : Dude… something’s wrong with you… really… really…
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Scene six

Nathan : (Put his hands on Ian’s shoulder) Right? I mean, don’t
be shy man… we all do that…. RIGHT?
Ian : GET. YOUR. HANDS. OFF. ME.
James : You know Nathan, you go run along now and um… deal
with your dysfunctional fantasies.
Nathan : Ow… come on guys (takes off Ian’s sunglass.. And IAN
is very sensitive about his glasses)
Ian : Pushes Nathan off the seat and Nathan falls off!
Nathan : What! What! WHAT did you do that for? Y’Asshole!
Ian : NOBODY… NO.BO.DY. touches the sunglasses. Put
sunglasses back on and smile LIKE A MANIAC.
Nathan : Is it too sunny here or something? You’re sick.
Ian : I aint sick. I’m just hot. Too hot for anyone to see.
Nathan : Touches sunglass… Ow! Ow! It’s so hot! I’m burning!
I’m burning!
Ian : WTH… I told you not to REMOVE THE SUNGLASSES.
Cedric : Dude… you need some sleep. You’re so wasted…
James : He doesn’t need sleep… he just smoked too much weed
man…
Ian : Gets some from his pocket… WANT SOME? I bought a
bunch… what can say… dad’s filthy rich… hey… lemme
tell you… it takes you to a happy place… YEAH…
happy …man… YOU SHALL BE ENLIGHTENED WITH THE TRUTH OF
HAPPINESS MY BROTHASSSSS.Mmmmm… It’s psyhedelicious…
James/Nathan/Cedric: Stare at each other
: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
Nathan : Oh my God… oh my God… he’s crazy… call the cops… no…
no… we’re gonna get arrested… I can’t be here… I’m too
young to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………………
James : Hits Nathan in the head Shut up you moron!
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Scene six

Cedric : Hey! I don’t care about your stupid fantasies… I have
a real problem here… Guys…. Imma be a big daddeh!
Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!
James : Hmm…. Hey Cedric! You think…. Nahh….
Cedric : What?
James : Well… she could have banged up with any other guy and
claimed the baby is yours! Your rubber, man, was it
still, like, in one piece when you finished? Like no
tear or anything like that?
Cedric : Damn, I didn’t check. I lost it in the middle, darn
that stupid maid... then everything else was a blur...
James : Man, you took it off?!
Cedric : No! You moron! It fell!
Nathan : What are you guys talking about? He didn’t use condom!
That’s the problem?
James/Cedric: The rubber IS THE condom! Numbnuts!
Nathan : Oh… oh… oh… well… I knew that… I knew that… but… but…
condoms don’t fall off… that’s why you have to lick
them, so they’ll stick… right?
Ian : Shut up. Nathan. Just. Shut. Up.
James : wait… It… it… FELL off? Oooooohhh... oh man.. you
mean… it’s THAT small? As in Vienna sausage?
(Pushes Cedric and laugh and laugh and laugh
insinuating how small IT is...)
Cedric : Shit! Shut up... I do have, you know. it’s Hungarian
Sausage King Size!
James : Riiiiiight.....( raises hand surrender) ... whatever
you say man...
Cedric : And it was so hot... I was so hot... I... just
exploded!
James : You can’t take it off off! ... ( Pauses... talks to
himself... ) How could it fall off ? Back to Cedric.
Now you’re all f***ed up with the preggy issue.
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Scene six

Nathan : Oh man… Congratulations! You have now stained my
Vienna sausage breakfast on Wednesdays!
Ian : No ONE CARES!
Nathan : Don’t talk that way to my sausage fixation!!! Oh man…
I just had sausage this morning… I was like, lickin it
so bad it makes me sick now just thinking about it…
Broods… Lighten up Hey! You know about elephants?
Ian : Shut up or I’mma punch your face.
James : Elephants? Are we talking about real elephants or is
that a figure of speech?
Nathan : No… real elephants… you know, their sausages, they’re
like… REALLY flexible… Wooo… shudders… Can you
imagine two elephants getting it on? He acts like an
elephant…
Ian : That’s it… I’m going to kill him… Charges toward
Nathan
James : Stops Ian… Hey… hey… let’s focus you guys…. Cedric has
a problem ok… Nathan… we’ll get back to your elephants
soon… ok? And Ian… you can kill him tomorrow. Now,
shut the hell up…. So Cedric… what happened then?
Cedric : Well… I asked her if she could, um... wash. That
helps, right?
James : Douche?! With what? What, man?
Cedric : Um, what else... Uh... water!
James : Shit, man! That makes it worse! Don’t you READ ?
Cedric : Oh crap! CRAP NO! I aint gonna let myself get tied up
for this one..
James : Hey... hey ... don’t forget, Nikki’s dad is you know
who... He’ll like, kill you! You’re PWNED...
Cedric : Yeah... but, still, I can’t just ditch her like that.
James : Hey hey hey! (Taps Cedri in the chest...) don’t tell
me... you’re getting serious ? Uuuuy....
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Scene six

Cedric : Stop it man! (Pushes James’s hand away...)
James : So, you’re gonna keep the baby...
Nathan : BABY!
Ian : Yeah! What baby?
James and Cedric: Shut up you two!
Cedric : (To James) No ! I mean... should I?
James : Hey! I don’t know man... I mean, that’s a big
responsibility... If I were you, I’d ask her to get
rid of it..
Cedric : Yeah... I know... You know any, like... abortionists?
James : Well, there’s someone my GF once went to. Her place is
kinda old, and the instruments are kind of rusty. But
it gets the job done... no side effects, I promise...
Cedric : Naah. It seems, risky.
James : What are you thinking, getting it done in a hospital?!
That’s a lot of dough. Besides, her dad’ll find out
and man.. it’s ILLEGAL.
Cedric : Yeah. Maybe I’ll ask around for those herbs they
drink... maybe I’ll go to Quiapo ... But they don’t
look safe, do they...
Nathan : Hey! I think everything’s cheap in Quiapo… Can I go
with you?
James : Quiet Nathan.
Nathan : DBD DBD DBD!
Ian : Dude… shut up.
Nathan : Oh… yeah! Yeah! Aren’t the “toys” cheap in quiapo?
Ian : Lunges at Nathan…. I’m going to kill you! Nathan runs
for his life…
James : Oh man… well… Cedric… I’m with ya man. Don’t forget
that. Wait... I think I have a number... (looks at
cellphone...) here, text her, she’ll know what to
do...
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Page 23 of 33
Scene six

Cedric : Sure.
James : ( To Nathan and Ian ) Hey you two morons! Stop it… To
Cedric… gotta go man… before they kill each other…
Cedric : yeah… sure… thanks man
( The three leaves. Cedric is now alone. )
( Looks at the phone, acts like calling then
cancelling, calling the cancelling... acts
frustrated... walks around and leaves the stage )
( And Cedric appears to be deep in thought )
Music : Intermission : Wedding Dress


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Scene seven

SCENE 7 MEET THE PARENTS
Somewhere far away in Belarus. Mom is contemplating… talking to
herself…

Mom : Oh wow. A contract extension would really get some
dough kneading in the bank. But why do I feel
that....something's not right??
Hmm.... It must be the weather. Things can be a little
cold up here… Well, I think I better give Antonio a
call. I hope he'll be psyched about this contract
extension.
After all, they should be thankful that I'm working my
butt off here. This is for them too!! Besides… these
fur coats aint gonna pay for themselves, hmp!
Still, it'd be nice to go back home, it’s been so
long… Takes a deep breath…
Hey! Listen to yourself Daphne! It's not everyday that
dough on a silver platter is served before you. Wake
up girl! Money makes the world go round nowadays, and
losing this opportunity would mean less money.
But still... why am I so upset? There's something
bothering me. Motherly instincts perhaps??
Well....as much as I would like to go home, career's
gotta come first. We all need to eat you know… A mom’s
gotta do what a mom’s gotta do…
Starts dialing…
( At Nikki’s House... Dad comes home.)
Dad : ( Phone rings… )
Hey! Daphne! I was just about to call you… You haven’t
given me your flight number… Wait… wait… I’ll get a
pen…
Mom : Oh… Antonio… there’s a slight change of plans…
Dad : Changes? What do you mean? Is everything alright?
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Scene seven

Mom : Of course… in fact… I have some great news! They’re
offering me a new position… It’s a key position in the
company and the perks… my goodness Antonio! I’ll email
you the package they’re offering me…
Dad : What package? I don’t understand. Are you saying that
you’re not coming home?
Mom : Well, Antonio… don’t get upset… I’ll send you the
contract and you’ll see for yourself.
Dad : Oh, that’s just perfect. You know what? Don’t bother.
I don’t need to see it. I don’t care. We had a deal.
Two years is two years. You said two years. You come
home or else !
( Slams the phone on the table. Stands up and walk
around...
Phone rings again. )
Maid : Gud apternun! ... ( Pauses) Ma’m! Hello! How are you!
Yes Ma’m... yes ma’m...
Dad : Hmp! ( Raises the newspaper higher... )
Maid : Sir... it’s mam.. on the phone
Dad : Hmp! I’m not here! (Angry)
Maid : Ma’m ... sir is not home he says... ok ok...
( Turns towards Dad and says.. ) Ma’m says I put her
on speaker...
( On the speakerphone...)
Mom : Antonio! ... ( Pause ...) Antonio, I know you’re
mad, but try to understand, I can’t let this
opportunity go... You know you’re important to me...
and I miss the girls too...
Dad : ( Slams down the newspaper.) Then come home! The
girls. I don’t know how to teach them! They’re going
wild.. They come home late, and they’re always coop
up in their rooms doing God knows what ! I never see
them anymore! My God Daphne! The girls need you!
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Scene seven

Especially at a time like this! They’re teens! They’re
crazy!
Mom : Calm down Antonio! You can handle them. I need to
earn money.
Dad : Money! It’s always money to you isn’t it? Money, money
money!
You want me to calm down?! I can’t calm down! I won’t
calm down! What do you want me to do? (Clutches chest
and puff and puff ... hahaha like the big bad wolf... )
Mom : Antonio ! Antonio ! Drink some water ! Fast !
Okay Antonio, calm down... I will try my best. I
promise. I’ll find a way.
Dad : You better.
Mom : I will Antonio, you know I will.
Dad : ( Drink water... ) Uh.... Why did you call? ASIDE from
telling me you’re new contract?
Mom : Oh.. THAT! Well... I’m just worried about the girls...
you know Gina? Gina, my officemate? Her daughter got
pregnant. Imagine! She’s only 15! May God! What is
happening to the world?
Dad : TV! If you ask me... they’re so explicit these days..
hmp!
Mom : Goodness ! You’d think these girls have some sense in
them.. You know, abortion? They do it just like that!
Even here! Don’t they have any sense of morals?
Dad : That’s why I want you home! I’m worried about the
girls. Wait a minute... where are they? GIRLS?
Manang, will you ask the girls to come? Tell them
mom’s on the phone.
Maid : Yes Sir!
Mom : Antonio, do they get a lot of calls from boys?
Dad : You must be joking! Since when did they use phones!
They use cellphones and Webcams and facebook !
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Scene seven

Maid : Ah... sir ... samtyms, the boys call.
Mom : What boys?
Dad : See? You don’t know anything anymore? You hardly know
your daughters…
Maid : Ah... mam, Cedri and Martin!
Dad : And that Nathan boy… I don’t like him… He’s sick. And
guess what? Your daughters just looooooooooove
hanging out with perverts like that…
Hey, manang... where are the girls? Did you call them?
Maid : Yes sir..
( Nikki and Candice came in... Nikki is hiding behind
Candice... )
Candice : What are you doing? Why are you hiding behind me? Get
in front! I’m the one who’s supposed to be hiding!
Nikki : Come on sis! You have to help me?
Candice : Help you? Honestly! I don’t know what you are talking
about... never mind, I have my problems!
Nikki : Well, not as big as mine!
Candice : That’s what you think!
Nikki : If only you knew!
Mom : Hi girls..
Nikki and Candice: MOM! Mom! When are you coming home? We miss you !
Mom : Girls! Sit for a while, your dad and I want to talk
to you... So, how are you girls?
Nikki and Can: Ok.....
Candice : Uh.. I really have a lot to do now Mom, can we talk
later? Like, just you and me...
Nikki : Yeah, mom, me too, I really have to study. Finals
coming...
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Scene seven

Dad : No no no girls. Sit here. We really need to talk..
your mom’s seldom has the time. She’s too busy in her
beloved BELARUS (sarcastic)…. So SIT.
The two sits.
Dad : Uh... manang... would you give us some privacy... ah..
better yet, cook some egg for merienda ok?
Maid : Sunny side sir?
Dad : Uh.. the usual scrambled with onions... extra ONIONS..
ok... they say it’s good for the heart...
Maid : Kaming ryt up sir!
Maid leaves
Mom : Soooooo.... Who’s this Cedri and Martin?
( Nikki and Candice gasp )
Nikki : What?
Candice : Who told you?!
Mom : ( laughs... ) oh, I’m just asking.. you know, your
dad and I are quite open minded, you should let your
friends come to the house so that dad gets to meet
them... right dad?
Dad : Of course.
Nikki : Uh... Cedri is just some stupid boy in school.
Candice : Yeah... and Martin is just my classmate in Theology.
Mom : Now, now girls... none of that...
Candice : (acts like she’s about the throw up... ) Ewww. What is
that smell?
Dad : What smell?
Candice : oh! That hideous smell!
Dad : (Sniff sniff sniff... ) It’s only onion! Manang is
cooking some eggs... We always have them... and....
Are you ill ? (growing suspicious... )
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Scene seven

Maid : Sir... here are your eggs...
Candice : Urrrk...
( Candice like really shows that she’s throwing up
rushes to the bathroom and throws up.. )
Dad : Candice! Manang! Manang! Go after Candice! Hurry!
(hidden from view and screams...)
Mom : Antonio! What happened! What’s going on ?!
Dad : Candice... she... she... My God Daphne... I think
Candice is...
Mom : Is what ? Antonio ! Speak up!
( Dad rushes to follow Candice... and scream! )
Dad : WHAT ! WHAT ! How could that happen? Nikki!
( Dad came back...)
Nikki : Dad! Dad! Please please don’t be mad!
Dad : (Stern faced.) You knew all along?
Nikki : Dad... I ... I ... I know I’m too young to have a baby?
Dad : What?! ( Clutches his heart!) Wha... what...?
( Slumps on the chair... ) YOU TOO?
Mom : What’s happening? Antonio ! Nikki! Candice!
( Candice came back... wiping her mouth... assisted by
Manang )
Candice : What did you do?
Nikki : Me? You squealed first !
Candice : It’s my business! You have no right!
Nikki : I have every right BECAUSE you told dad I was
pregnant!?
Mom/ Candice: WHAT?!!!!
Mom : Who is pregnant?
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Scene seven

Nikki & Candice: Me!
Mom : But... but... I don’t understand! How can you both
be....? My God !
Dad : What ?! ( Clutches chest again and faints... act like
fainting... )
Mom : Manang ! Manang ! What’s happening? Give sir water !
Hurry!
Candice : YOU are pregnant?
Nikki : YOU are pregnant?
Candice : How? Wait... the kit you were holding the other day,
that was yours?
Nikki : Ah... wasn’t it? I left it on the counter... you were
so much in a hurry to use the bathroom...
Candice : Stupid! That was mine...
Nikki : uh-oh... (turns around and said to self... ) So
mine is STILL where I hid it! (Touches her tummy... )
Maybe I’m not pregnant at all ! Yey!
Candice : Waaaaiiiiiiiitt..... What were you doing with a
pregnancy kit?
Nikki : Uh.... Uh... uh....
Dad : (Standing up !) Girls! Are you blind? I’m dying here!
Help me get up ! ( Collapses and clutches heart!)
(The two rushes to help...)
Candice : Dad ! Dad! I’m sorry ! I’m sorry! Please forgive me!
I know.. I know.. I should have known better! I
promise.. I’ll make it right.. please daddy, don’t
die...
Nikki : Daddy! I’ve learned my lesson.. Mom.. please come
home.. we really need you ..
Manang : Sir ! Sir! You’re water...! ( Accidentally trips and
splash water on dad!) Ahhh!

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Scene eight

SCENE 8 REFLECTION
Music : Halo
Nikki : I have resurrected. The big mix up almost ended my
life. I do feel sorry for Candice, because I know she
will have a tough time coping up with her soon-to-be
baby. But honestly, before the truth was revealed, I
really felt that a baby was inside of me. The baby’s
father was temptation, and the mother was lust. The
baby’s name? - was guilt.
I was given another chance to change. I might not have
been the victim, but I ALMOST was one. I still can’t
show my face to my family, or even to a stranger. It
was pretty stupid of me to pick up problems along the
way, and have a hard time getting rid of them. Teens
can be pretty crazy nowadays, and it’s OK. It’s part
of life – but it’s always a must to always remember to
do what’s right.
Goodness, I can’t believe I’m giving myself a sermon.
I sound like mom. I do miss her though, even her
endless sermons. Her sermons used to straighten me and
fix me, but sometimes, I need to learn things on my
own. And yes, it’s always better to learn things NOT
the hard way. 


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Scene nine

SCENE 9 A WORD FROM MANANG
Summary : Manang concludes the story and gives the audience a
piece of her mind.
LIGHTS OUT.... MUSIC... HORRRORRR.... SUSPENSE.... ...
(And maid comes in with flashlight shining from her
chin up... horror of horrors.... )
Maid : ( The following lines are delivered in English “Manang”
style. )
( Lights on... Burst into a big smile... turns off
flashlight ... )
And that, ledis en gentelmen, is wer we will lib the
pamily to pix der problem. Bekos di pader is alwez
bisi du-ing bisnis en da mader is awt op the country
cuz op money, samtyms der is no guidance por da
chilldrin. En da chilldrin, dey watch too mats teebee
en doing pesbuk, dey purget der balyus olredi en dey
do dis en do dat en hay.... ( shakes her head ... )
En da boys! Hala! Dey shud be akawntabol! den dey want
to abortion! It is a sin! Dey shud be aprayd of God!
And...
Driver : Manang! Here is the pregnancy test kit you ask me to
buy! Who is going to use it? Which one of the girls?
Maid : Shhh! Quiet! Go back to wash the car!
( Looks at the audience... Hands on hips... ) O? Wat
arrrr u luking at? Oh! Don’t wori! Dis is mine! I am
pipty years old olredi, en I am hapili merried! Hmp!
( Leaves the stage )

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Scene ten

SCENE 10 FINALE – FIREWORK
Summary : Concludes the story
Music : Firework

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