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Issue #477 June 2014
How cool people roadtrip in Georgia
How do cool people roadtrip?
How do cool people roadtrip in Georgia?
By...bipping in Georgia!
On the weekend of May 24-2! " #i$ited the
%each &tate. 'ro( )incinnati! o*r cool$ter cara#an
di$tended thro*gh +ent*cky! ,enne$$ee! -orth )arolina!
and &o*th )arolina.and lodged in /*g*$ta on
&at*rday night. On &*nday! " went to /tlanta! where
'reedo( %ark honor$ 2 fa(o*$ Georgian$.0e#.
Martin 1*ther +ing 2r. and %re$ident 2i((y )arter.
/$ yo* $ho*ld know! 'reedo( %ark wa$ al$o a
oneti(e ho(e of Occ*py /tlanta.and in keeping with
thi$ $pirit! " wrote 34e are the 5567 on the co((ent
card$ at 2 different re$t area$ on thi$ trip. ,hat8$ beca*$e
we are the 556. /nd you are the 556.
On the way down! $o(e galoot wa$ $tanding in
the roadway (aking cr*de ge$t*re$ to (otori$t$ on the ra(p to "nter$tate 94: in +no;#ille. %l*$! $o(ebody
ripped a lo*d-and-pro*d b*nker bla$t at a <, ga$ $tation in /nder$on! &o*th )arolina. " wa$ $tanding o*t$ide at
one of the ga$ p*(p$ when " heard the *n(i$takable a*dio of a backdoor bree=e drifting (y way fro( acro$$ the
On the way ho(e! " noticed a hilario*$ plopping> &o(ebody had thrown a catalog for 0? acce$$orie$ in
the toilet bowl at a %ilot $tation in )ary#ille! ,enne$$ee. ,he $hiny page$ of colorf*l photo$ of ca(per$ bobbed *p
and down in the cool and broccoli water @a$ 1ittle 0i#er Band wo*ld $ayA.
/ll in all! a fine ti(e wa$ had.
The umpire strikes back
"8#e been di$appointed in MaBor 1eag*e Ba$teball lately beca*$e of the dro*ght of forfeited ga(e$.
"t8$ not B*$t beca*$e forfeit i$ a f*nny word.which it i$! perhap$ beca*$e of the contortion$ in#ol#ed to
(ake the f $o*nd$ $o clo$e to each other. 'orfeit$ are f*nny beca*$e they add $pice to /(erica8$ national pa$ti(e.
,here8$ *$*ally an *proario*$ $tory behind each forfeit.
"n big leag*e ball! a ga(e (ay be forfeited if a ho(e tea( fail$ to pro#ide $afe! rea$onable playing
condition$ or in other li(ited circ*($tance$. ,he $core i$ recorded a$ 5 to :! and it8$ chalked *p a$ a lo$$ for the
forfeiting tea(.e#en if they were winning when the forfeit wa$ declared. /nd that8$ an i(portant detail.
,he $port i$ d*e for a forfeit! beca*$e thi$ i$ the longe$t it8$ e#er gone witho*t one. "t8$ B*$t like how we8re
d*e for a new con$tit*tional a(end(ent or a C
$tate. -o forfeit$ ha#e been i$$*ed in the (aBor$ $ince C55. ,hat
year! the 1o$ /ngele$ Dodger$ ga#e o*t $o*#enir ba$eball$ to fan$ at a ga(e again$t the &t. 1o*i$ )ardinal$. 'an$
threw the ball$ onto the field after legendary Dodger$ (anager ,o((y 1a$orda wa$ eBected fro( the ga(e for
arg*ing with an *(p. ,he people were al(o$t depri#ed of thi$ forfeit! a$ it wa$n8t declared *ntil the 5
,hat wa$ (ore than B*$t a forfeit. "t wa$ a fi#efeit!
"t8$ hard to belie#e $o (any fan$ di$carded keep$ake ba$eball$ that were (eant to be trea$*red fore#er.
"8( a g*y who cringe$ when anything get$ thrown away.let alone a #al*able $port$ (e(ento like that.
Eo* ha#e to go all the way back to C5F5 for the la$t forfeit before that. "8( talking abo*t Di$co
De(olition -ight! which afflicted )o(i$key %ark! ho(e of the )hicago 4hite &o;. "t wa$ part of a radio
pro(otion in which a local D2 wo*ld blow *p a h*ge crate f*ll of di$co record$ on the field between ga(e$ of a
do*bleheader. 'olk$ got into the ga(e for only 5G cent$ if they brang along $o(e record$ to be collected for the
e#ent at the entrance. B*t $o(e fan$ $(*ggled the record$ pa$t the gate and fl*ng the( onto the field like fri$bee$
d*ring the ga(e. Many of the thrown record$ beca(e e(bedded *pright in the gra$$ on the field. 'irecracker$ and
liH*or bottle$ were al$o thrown onto the field. 1ot$ of people $n*ck into the ga(e after the gate$ were clo$ed.
,ho$e who co*ldn8t get in $et their record$ on fire o*t$ide the $tadi*(.
,he $econd ga(e of the do*bleheader wa$ forfeited beca*$e the e;plo$ion of the crate and the $tor(ing of
the field by rowdy $pectator$
da(aged the field. /$ (any a$
F!::: people had r*$hed onto the
playing $*rface! and a bonfire wa$
$et in center field! ca*$ing (any
attendee$ to dance aro*nd while
carrying b*rning piece$ of broken
record$. %eople were al$o $een
ha#ing $e; behind third ba$e! and
other$ broke into a nearby ho*$e
and *rinated in the hallway. 0iot
police had to be called.
&o(e ha#e $pec*lated that
the e#ent wa$ organi=ed beca*$e
the D2 wa$ angry at lo$ing hi$ Bob
at another )hicago $tation beca*$e
it $witched to an all-di$co for(at.
B*t a lot of $ocial $cienti$t$ and
(*$ic critic$ ha#e tried reading too
(*ch into the epi$ode.
"t beg$ a$king tho*gh why
$o (any people p*rcha$ed di$co
record$ only $o they co*ld hoard
the( and later de$troy the(.
4hat8$ the point in b*ying record$
that yo*8re only going to b*rn?
&o(ehow " don8t think thi$ wa$
like that c*lt in "ndependence that
gathered *p all tho$e record$ and
then b*rned the( o#er 3$atanic7
lyric$. " ha#e a clo$e fa(ily
(e(ber who ab$ol*tely hate$! hate$! hates the fact that " don8t throw away all (y old record$.and e#erything
el$e that8$ (ore than 9 (onth$ old.b*t tho$e cla$$ic platter$ ha#e pro#ided co*ntle$$ ho*r$ of entertain(ent!
warped or not. 'act i$! " al(o$t thoro*ghly (i$$ed the )D era.$kipping $traight fro( record$ to digital
download$. " relate with the C5F:$ and the 2:C:$! b*t not the decade$ in between.politically or otherwi$e.
,he pre#io*$ forfeit before Di$co De(olition -ight wa$ in C5FF when the Balti(ore Oriole$ #ol*ntarily
forfeited to the ,oronto Bl*e 2ay$ beca*$e the Bl*e 2ay$ in$i$ted on *$ing a $lippery! dangero*$ tarp at their
ballpark. "n C5F4! the )le#eland "ndian$ had to forfeit when dr*nken fan$ got too di$orderly.e#en fighting with
the player$ and (ooning each other. / $pectator ran onto the field and tried grabbing a player8$ hat off hi$ head.
@/nd yo* tho*ght alcohol-inf*$ed rowdine$$ wa$n8t in#ented *ntil C55I!A "n C5FC! the 4a$hington &enator$ were
forced to forfeit when fan$ $tor(ed the field to prote$t the tea(8$ (o#e to Dalla$. ,he &enator$ had been winning
in the 5
,he la$t forfeit before the t*rb*lent JF:$ wa$ back in C54 when a brawl a(ong player$ en$*ed. / ga(e
wa$ forfeited in C545 when fan$ threw $oft drink bottle$ and to(atoe$ onto the field.
'orfeit$ were (*ch (ore co((on in earlier year$.b*t often for (ore (*ndane rea$on$! $*ch a$ a tea(
not arri#ing in ti(e for the ga(e. G*e$$ they took Greyho*nd! /t lea$t once! a tea( failed to $how *p beca*$e
they had been (i$takenly told the ga(e wa$ canceled.
Klection$ $ho*ld work like ba$eball. 4hen a political party apparat*$ i$ ca*ght co((itting high cri(e$
like wire fra*d.a$ the 0ep*blican$ ha#e.they $ho*ld be reH*ired to forfeit all election$ in the ne;t cycle.
/nd.(*ch like how the 4hite &o; had Di$co De(olition -ight.we $ho*ld ha#e ,ea %arty De(olition
-ight. 4e $ho*ld get a $port$ tea( or $o(e other organi=ation to help *$ collect ,ea %arty propaganda flyer$ and
p*blicly blow the( *p. " wa$ ali#e in C5F5! and " know that the backla$h again$t the ,ea %arty i$ (*ch $tronger
than that again$t di$co. ,he top I $ong$ in the nation d*ring the week of Di$co De(olition -ight were all by di$co
perfor(er$! b*t the c*rrent %re$ident @who wa$ handily reelectedA i$ by all acco*nt$ not a ,ea %arty (e(ber. &o
what wa$ really (ore *npop*lar.di$co or the ,ea %arty? %l*$! politic$ i$ a far (ore $erio*$ (atter than changing
(*$ical ta$te$.$o the recoil again$t the ,ea %arty need$ to be *nder$cored.
1ife i(itate$ ba$eball!
ubs !or!eit 400"pound cake
4hile we8re on the $*bBect of ba$eball forfeit$! " recently $t*(bled *pon a $tory in which the )hicago
)*b$ forfeited a 4::-po*nd cake.
,o celebrate 4rigley 'ield8$ C::
birthday! the tea( co((i$$ioned a gigantic birthday cake patterned
after the $tadi*(. ,hi$ chocolate and #anilla de$$ert weighed 4:: po*nd$ and (ea$*red feet on each $ide. "t
reH*ired 4 baker$ to prepare thi$ cake! and it took 9 whole day$.
/nd the )*b$ wo$ted it all.
/fter the cake wa$ briefly di$played at a ga(e and other e#ent$! it wa$ fo*nd in a d*(p$ter.$(a$hed to
bit$! like a pie in the face of O$car the Gro*ch. -obody had eaten a $ingle cr*(b of it.
,he )*b$8 3rea$oning7 for $H*andering thi$ cake that
co*ld ha#e fed a =illion i$ that a cake of that $i=e ine#itably
incl*de$ part$ that are not edible. -ot only that! b*t they had
let the cake pick *p filth by di$playing it in $o (any place$.
,he line abo*t the cake ha#ing inedible piece$ re(ind$
(e of a f*nny $tory. Once! year$ ago! " wa$ at a fa(ily
wedding reception where each g*e$t got a $lice of cake. /$ "
de#o*red (y $lice! " bit down on $o(ething a$ hard a$ a rock
e(bedded in the cake. " tried to chew it! b*t it wa$ too hard!
and " al(o$t $wallowed it whole. 4hen that failed to achie#e
de$ired re$*lt$! " $pit the obBect o*t and di$co#ered it wa$ a
$(all! white decorati#e pla$tic bird that " didn8t $ee at fir$t
beca*$e it had blended in with the icing.
1ife i(itate$ ba$eball again!
#lide slide slippit$"slide%%%
,he worldwide pa$ti(e of draining bodily fl*id$ onto
playgro*nd $lide$ ha$ arri#ed in Belle#*e!
1ately! folk$ on 'acebook ha#e la(ented the decline of
Belle#*e8$ &wope %ark. One feller $aid he took hi$ fa(ily there
and noticed a birthday party going awry. He $aid participant$ in
thi$ party kept throwing e(pty liH*or bottle$ e#erywhere! and one of the(.apparently a grown (an.*rinated
on the $lide. /ttendee$ of thi$ party al$o c*$$ed and openly $(oked (ariB*ana.
&o(eone re$ponded to the 'acebook po$t! 34ho pee$ in a $lide? "n front of people? "n broad daylight?7
/nother replied! 34e are not a city that $ho*ld or will p*t *p with thi$ type of beha#ior.7
1ife i(itate$ a ba$eball riot!
&ould $ou like some toilets with that whine'
/fter Greyho*nd al(o$t p*l#eri=ed the &t. 1o*i$ road(eet back in March.when *ne;plained delay$
ca*$ed (e to be 9 ho*r$ late getting ho(e."8#e noticed that their 'acebook page i$ filled pri(arily with people
rightly co(plaining abo*t $i(ilar delay$ and lo$t l*ggage.
B*t $o(e people are whiner$.
34aaaaah!7 they $ay when a pre$idential pre$$ conference pree(pt$ The Chew. 3Boo hoo!7 they cry when
the city doe$n8t erect &L?-only parking $pace$. 3Da((it to hell!7 they e;clai( when their *ni#er$ity won8t f*nd
their pet ca*$e$ by (aking other $t*dent$ pay acti#ity fee$.
One $*ch crybaby fo*nd her way onto Greyho*nd8$ 'acebook page. "n$tead of being concerned with
$o(ething i(portant like the b*$e$ getting people to their de$tination on ti(e! $he talked abo*t toilet$.
Here8$ what $he had to $ay abo*t the wo(en8$ la#atory at the Greyho*nd ter(inal in /tlanta...
(This was taken at $our downtown )tlanta location at 12 midnight% It is still looking like
this at 12*41% This is unacceptable%+
,hat co(plaint wa$ acco(panied by a photo of a toilet with a big (o*ntain of toilet paper ne;t to it. ,he
toilet paper! howe#er! wa$ not poopy. /t wor$t @be$t?A! $o(eone had (erely yanked (o$t of the toilet paper off
the roll and let it pile *p on the floor. ,here appeared to $till be $o(e toilet paper left on the roll.
"t wa$n8t e#en a plopping! How di$appointing!
,hi$ po$t wa$ followed by.hey! what8$ that $o*nd " hear?
Do yo* hear that?
"t8$ the world8$ $(alle$t #iolin! /nd it8$ playing B*$t for yo*! /aawwwww!
,irro the -ero strikes again
,he garbled ,ea %arty o*trage fro( 2eanine %irro.the ha$-been ,? B*ri$t who now people$ 'o; -ew$
)hannel.contin*e$ with *nabated =e$t!
0ecently! on her 'acebook page! %irro tried bla(ing %re$ident Oba(a for the ?eteran$ /ffair$ $candal.
&he $aid the Oba(a ad(ini$tration i$ the 3(o$t lawle$$ in /(erican hi$tory.7
&o " po$ted thi$ reply...
(The .most lawless in )merican histor$/''' 0ou should change $our name to .Judge
Jeanine -ero%/+
&o $he did. 2*$t Boking!
)opyright M 2:C4. /ll right$ re$er#ed.

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