Issue #477 June 2014
How cool people roadtrip in Georgia
How do cool people roadtrip?
By...bipping!
How do cool people roadtrip in Georgia?
By...bipping in Georgia!
On the weekend of May 24-2! " #i$ited the
%each &tate. 'ro( )incinnati! o*r cool$ter cara#an
di$tended thro*gh +ent*cky! ,enne$$ee! -orth )arolina!
and &o*th )arolina.and lodged in /*g*$ta on
&at*rday night. On &*nday! " went to /tlanta! where
'reedo( %ark honor$ 2 fa(o*$ Georgian$.0e#.
Martin 1*ther +ing 2r. and %re$ident 2i((y )arter.
/$ yo* $ho*ld know! 'reedo( %ark wa$ al$o a
oneti(e ho(e of Occ*py /tlanta.and in keeping with
thi$ $pirit! " wrote 34e are the 5567 on the co((ent
card$ at 2 different re$t area$ on thi$ trip. ,hat8$ beca*$e
we are the 556. /nd you are the 556.
On the way down! $o(e galoot wa$ $tanding in
the roadway (aking cr*de ge$t*re$ to (otori$t$ on the ra(p to "nter$tate 94: in +no;#ille. %l*$! $o(ebody
ripped a lo*d-and-pro*d b*nker bla$t at a <, ga$ $tation in /nder$on! &o*th )arolina. " wa$ $tanding o*t$ide at
one of the ga$ p*(p$ when " heard the *n(i$takable a*dio of a backdoor bree=e drifting (y way fro( acro$$ the
lot.
On the way ho(e! " noticed a hilario*$ plopping> &o(ebody had thrown a catalog for 0? acce$$orie$ in
the toilet bowl at a %ilot $tation in )ary#ille! ,enne$$ee. ,he $hiny page$ of colorf*l photo$ of ca(per$ bobbed *p
and down in the cool and broccoli water @a$ 1ittle 0i#er Band wo*ld $ayA.
/ll in all! a fine ti(e wa$ had.
The umpire strikes back
"8#e been di$appointed in MaBor 1eag*e Ba$teball lately beca*$e of the dro*ght of forfeited ga(e$.
"t8$ not B*$t beca*$e forfeit i$ a f*nny word.which it i$! perhap$ beca*$e of the contortion$ in#ol#ed to
(ake the f $o*nd$ $o clo$e to each other. 'orfeit$ are f*nny beca*$e they add $pice to /(erica8$ national pa$ti(e.
,here8$ *$*ally an *proario*$ $tory behind each forfeit.
"n big leag*e ball! a ga(e (ay be forfeited if a ho(e tea( fail$ to pro#ide $afe! rea$onable playing
condition$ or in other li(ited circ*($tance$. ,he $core i$ recorded a$ 5 to :! and it8$ chalked *p a$ a lo$$ for the
forfeiting tea(.e#en if they were winning when the forfeit wa$ declared. /nd that8$ an i(portant detail.
,he $port i$ d*e for a forfeit! beca*$e thi$ i$ the longe$t it8$ e#er gone witho*t one. "t8$ B*$t like how we8re
d*e for a new con$tit*tional a(end(ent or a C
$t
$tate. -o forfeit$ ha#e been i$$*ed in the (aBor$ $ince C55. ,hat
year! the 1o$ /ngele$ Dodger$ ga#e o*t $o*#enir ba$eball$ to fan$ at a ga(e again$t the &t. 1o*i$ )ardinal$. 'an$
threw the ball$ onto the field after legendary Dodger$ (anager ,o((y 1a$orda wa$ eBected fro( the ga(e for
arg*ing with an *(p. ,he people were al(o$t depri#ed of thi$ forfeit! a$ it wa$n8t declared *ntil the 5
th
inning.
,hat wa$ (ore than B*$t a forfeit. "t wa$ a fi#efeit!
"t8$ hard to belie#e $o (any fan$ di$carded keep$ake ba$eball$ that were (eant to be trea$*red fore#er.
"8( a g*y who cringe$ when anything get$ thrown away.let alone a #al*able $port$ (e(ento like that.
Eo* ha#e to go all the way back to C5F5 for the la$t forfeit before that. "8( talking abo*t Di$co
De(olition -ight! which afflicted )o(i$key %ark! ho(e of the )hicago 4hite &o;. "t wa$ part of a radio
pro(otion in which a local D2 wo*ld blow *p a h*ge crate f*ll of di$co record$ on the field between ga(e$ of a
do*bleheader. 'olk$ got into the ga(e for only 5G cent$ if they brang along $o(e record$ to be collected for the
e#ent at the entrance. B*t $o(e fan$ $(*ggled the record$ pa$t the gate and fl*ng the( onto the field like fri$bee$
d*ring the ga(e. Many of the thrown record$ beca(e e(bedded *pright in the gra$$ on the field. 'irecracker$ and
liH*or bottle$ were al$o thrown onto the field. 1ot$ of people $n*ck into the ga(e after the gate$ were clo$ed.
,ho$e who co*ldn8t get in $et their record$ on fire o*t$ide the $tadi*(.
,he $econd ga(e of the do*bleheader wa$ forfeited beca*$e the e;plo$ion of the crate and the $tor(ing of
the field by rowdy $pectator$
da(aged the field. /$ (any a$
F!::: people had r*$hed onto the
playing $*rface! and a bonfire wa$
$et in center field! ca*$ing (any
attendee$ to dance aro*nd while
carrying b*rning piece$ of broken
record$. %eople were al$o $een
ha#ing $e; behind third ba$e! and
other$ broke into a nearby ho*$e
and *rinated in the hallway. 0iot
police had to be called.
&o(e ha#e $pec*lated that
the e#ent wa$ organi=ed beca*$e
the D2 wa$ angry at lo$ing hi$ Bob
at another )hicago $tation beca*$e
it $witched to an all-di$co for(at.
B*t a lot of $ocial $cienti$t$ and
(*$ic critic$ ha#e tried reading too
(*ch into the epi$ode.
"t beg$ a$king tho*gh why
$o (any people p*rcha$ed di$co
record$ only $o they co*ld hoard
the( and later de$troy the(.
4hat8$ the point in b*ying record$
that yo*8re only going to b*rn?
&o(ehow " don8t think thi$ wa$
like that c*lt in "ndependence that
gathered *p all tho$e record$ and
then b*rned the( o#er 3$atanic7
lyric$. " ha#e a clo$e fa(ily
(e(ber who ab$ol*tely hate$! hate$! hates the fact that " don8t throw away all (y old record$.and e#erything
el$e that8$ (ore than 9 (onth$ old.b*t tho$e cla$$ic platter$ ha#e pro#ided co*ntle$$ ho*r$ of entertain(ent!
warped or not. 'act i$! " al(o$t thoro*ghly (i$$ed the )D era.$kipping $traight fro( record$ to digital
download$. " relate with the C5F:$ and the 2:C:$! b*t not the decade$ in between.politically or otherwi$e.
,he pre#io*$ forfeit before Di$co De(olition -ight wa$ in C5FF when the Balti(ore Oriole$ #ol*ntarily
forfeited to the ,oronto Bl*e 2ay$ beca*$e the Bl*e 2ay$ in$i$ted on *$ing a $lippery! dangero*$ tarp at their
ballpark. "n C5F4! the )le#eland "ndian$ had to forfeit when dr*nken fan$ got too di$orderly.e#en fighting with
the player$ and (ooning each other. / $pectator ran onto the field and tried grabbing a player8$ hat off hi$ head.
@/nd yo* tho*ght alcohol-inf*$ed rowdine$$ wa$n8t in#ented *ntil C55I!A "n C5FC! the 4a$hington &enator$ were
forced to forfeit when fan$ $tor(ed the field to prote$t the tea(8$ (o#e to Dalla$. ,he &enator$ had been winning
in the 5
th
inning.
,he la$t forfeit before the t*rb*lent JF:$ wa$ back in C54 when a brawl a(ong player$ en$*ed. / ga(e
wa$ forfeited in C545 when fan$ threw $oft drink bottle$ and to(atoe$ onto the field.
'orfeit$ were (*ch (ore co((on in earlier year$.b*t often for (ore (*ndane rea$on$! $*ch a$ a tea(
not arri#ing in ti(e for the ga(e. G*e$$ they took Greyho*nd! /t lea$t once! a tea( failed to $how *p beca*$e
they had been (i$takenly told the ga(e wa$ canceled.
Klection$ $ho*ld work like ba$eball. 4hen a political party apparat*$ i$ ca*ght co((itting high cri(e$
like wire fra*d.a$ the 0ep*blican$ ha#e.they $ho*ld be reH*ired to forfeit all election$ in the ne;t cycle.
/nd.(*ch like how the 4hite &o; had Di$co De(olition -ight.we $ho*ld ha#e ,ea %arty De(olition
-ight. 4e $ho*ld get a $port$ tea( or $o(e other organi=ation to help *$ collect ,ea %arty propaganda flyer$ and
p*blicly blow the( *p. " wa$ ali#e in C5F5! and " know that the backla$h again$t the ,ea %arty i$ (*ch $tronger
than that again$t di$co. ,he top I $ong$ in the nation d*ring the week of Di$co De(olition -ight were all by di$co
perfor(er$! b*t the c*rrent %re$ident @who wa$ handily reelectedA i$ by all acco*nt$ not a ,ea %arty (e(ber. &o
what wa$ really (ore *npop*lar.di$co or the ,ea %arty? %l*$! politic$ i$ a far (ore $erio*$ (atter than changing
(*$ical ta$te$.$o the recoil again$t the ,ea %arty need$ to be *nder$cored.
1ife i(itate$ ba$eball!
ubs !or!eit 400"pound cake
4hile we8re on the $*bBect of ba$eball forfeit$! " recently $t*(bled *pon a $tory in which the )hicago
)*b$ forfeited a 4::-po*nd cake.
,o celebrate 4rigley 'ield8$ C::
th
birthday! the tea( co((i$$ioned a gigantic birthday cake patterned
after the $tadi*(. ,hi$ chocolate and #anilla de$$ert weighed 4:: po*nd$ and (ea$*red feet on each $ide. "t
reH*ired 4 baker$ to prepare thi$ cake! and it took 9 whole day$.
/nd the )*b$ wo$ted it all.
/fter the cake wa$ briefly di$played at a ga(e and other e#ent$! it wa$ fo*nd in a d*(p$ter.$(a$hed to
bit$! like a pie in the face of O$car the Gro*ch. -obody had eaten a $ingle cr*(b of it.
,he )*b$8 3rea$oning7 for $H*andering thi$ cake that
co*ld ha#e fed a =illion i$ that a cake of that $i=e ine#itably
incl*de$ part$ that are not edible. -ot only that! b*t they had
let the cake pick *p filth by di$playing it in $o (any place$.
,he line abo*t the cake ha#ing inedible piece$ re(ind$
(e of a f*nny $tory. Once! year$ ago! " wa$ at a fa(ily
wedding reception where each g*e$t got a $lice of cake. /$ "
de#o*red (y $lice! " bit down on $o(ething a$ hard a$ a rock
e(bedded in the cake. " tried to chew it! b*t it wa$ too hard!
and " al(o$t $wallowed it whole. 4hen that failed to achie#e
de$ired re$*lt$! " $pit the obBect o*t and di$co#ered it wa$ a
$(all! white decorati#e pla$tic bird that " didn8t $ee at fir$t
beca*$e it had blended in with the icing.
1ife i(itate$ ba$eball again!
#lide slide slippit$"slide%%%
,he worldwide pa$ti(e of draining bodily fl*id$ onto
playgro*nd $lide$ ha$ arri#ed in Belle#*e!
1ately! folk$ on 'acebook ha#e la(ented the decline of
Belle#*e8$ &wope %ark. One feller $aid he took hi$ fa(ily there
and noticed a birthday party going awry. He $aid participant$ in
thi$ party kept throwing e(pty liH*or bottle$ e#erywhere! and one of the(.apparently a grown (an.*rinated
on the $lide. /ttendee$ of thi$ party al$o c*$$ed and openly $(oked (ariB*ana.
&o(eone re$ponded to the 'acebook po$t! 34ho pee$ in a $lide? "n front of people? "n broad daylight?7
/nother replied! 34e are not a city that $ho*ld or will p*t *p with thi$ type of beha#ior.7
1ife i(itate$ a ba$eball riot!
&ould $ou like some toilets with that whine'
/fter Greyho*nd al(o$t p*l#eri=ed the &t. 1o*i$ road(eet back in March.when *ne;plained delay$
ca*$ed (e to be 9 ho*r$ late getting ho(e."8#e noticed that their 'acebook page i$ filled pri(arily with people
rightly co(plaining abo*t $i(ilar delay$ and lo$t l*ggage.
B*t $o(e people are whiner$.
34aaaaah!7 they $ay when a pre$idential pre$$ conference pree(pt$ The Chew. 3Boo hoo!7 they cry when
the city doe$n8t erect &L?-only parking $pace$. 3Da((it to hell!7 they e;clai( when their *ni#er$ity won8t f*nd
their pet ca*$e$ by (aking other $t*dent$ pay acti#ity fee$.
One $*ch crybaby fo*nd her way onto Greyho*nd8$ 'acebook page. "n$tead of being concerned with
$o(ething i(portant like the b*$e$ getting people to their de$tination on ti(e! $he talked abo*t toilet$.
Here8$ what $he had to $ay abo*t the wo(en8$ la#atory at the Greyho*nd ter(inal in /tlanta...
(This was taken at $our downtown )tlanta location at 12 midnight% It is still looking like
this at 12*41% This is unacceptable%+
,hat co(plaint wa$ acco(panied by a photo of a toilet with a big (o*ntain of toilet paper ne;t to it. ,he
toilet paper! howe#er! wa$ not poopy. /t wor$t @be$t?A! $o(eone had (erely yanked (o$t of the toilet paper off
the roll and let it pile *p on the floor. ,here appeared to $till be $o(e toilet paper left on the roll.
"t wa$n8t e#en a plopping! How di$appointing!
,hi$ po$t wa$ followed by.hey! what8$ that $o*nd " hear?
Do yo* hear that?
"t8$ the world8$ $(alle$t #iolin! /nd it8$ playing B*$t for yo*! /aawwwww!
,irro the -ero strikes again
,he garbled ,ea %arty o*trage fro( 2eanine %irro.the ha$-been ,? B*ri$t who now people$ 'o; -ew$
)hannel.contin*e$ with *nabated =e$t!
0ecently! on her 'acebook page! %irro tried bla(ing %re$ident Oba(a for the ?eteran$ /ffair$ $candal.
&he $aid the Oba(a ad(ini$tration i$ the 3(o$t lawle$$ in /(erican hi$tory.7
&o " po$ted thi$ reply...
(The .most lawless in )merican histor$/''' 0ou should change $our name to .Judge
Jeanine -ero%/+
&o $he did. 2*$t Boking!
)opyright M 2:C4. /ll right$ re$er#ed.

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