Let it Flow!

The Birth, Death and Resurrection of Relationships


Let it Flow!
Forward……………..................Life, Death & Resurrection Introduction…………………………..Finding Love or War Chapter 1…………..……...…………..Relationships are #1 Chapter 2………...……...Tragedy shakes our comfort zone Chapter 3………...…….……..Relationship 1 - Ponder Up Chapter 4………………………..Relationship 2 - Focus In Chapter 5…………..…………..Relationship 3 - Look Out Chapter 6………..…….…………..Are you Flowing? - Test Chapter 7……………..………………...Secrets of the Flow




Birth, Death & Resurrection of Relationships

my mother and it was the only thing I could cling to after her death. I held on for a few months but the total I see that happening to abandonment I felt overpowered me. It overpowered every

The pain is sometimes too much when I see Dimitri
dying, physically, no. I ‘m not talking about his health but him dying relationally. You see Dimitri’s mother and I are separated. When I come to visit he knows I have come to eventually leave again. He doesn’t like it when I leave. He needs his father. He needs me to stay and not leave. He ignores me for a few minutes and pretends I mean nothing but then runs in my arms and says, “daddy, I love you”, “I love you Dimitri!” He’s protecting himself. When I look and see this, I see myself. I see Teddy and it reminds me of how I died when my mother died. I ‘m afraid that Dimitri will repeat what I went through in life. As we drove down the road, I secretly opened the back window and chucked mom’s special medallion out on to the passing road. I hate her, and you, you’re a

single relationship that I had.

Dimitri and what’s worse is it’s fresh every time. Ever time I come to visit. Thank God, Grace is only one years old but Dimitri, he’s three and helpless. I threw my mothers medallion out the window that day while dad was driving, only months after mom died. Oh, the person I hated…my mother and the jerk, none other than, God Himself. Growing up in a large family is great. You always have friends and you always have money when you need it. You also have a fifth in a b-ball game, and have bragging rights to winning. We were dysfunctional, but, hell, we were sure athletic. Mom was literally the infrastructure of our home. When Mom died everything fell apart, especially Dad but he was good at hiding it. He still likes to hide to this day. To his credit and our PUSHING he is improving. I of course felt like mom loved me the most and that I was her

jerk. That day, Teddy died. The medallion was special to


favorite. I look more like a, Spaniard than a Greek. She reminded me often. When you grow up, Teddy you will be great. You can be whatever you want even the president if you like. Mom was my life, my breath. She was the only person that stood up for me. She stood tall and proud by her son, her “hito” her “mijo” When she left for the hospital that night, she was upset at me. She scolded me and sent me to my bed. I was sneaky but she always knew what I was up to. When she came back from the hospital, I would make it up to her. I always made it up to her. There is nothing like a mother’s love and when it dies nothing can replace it. We waited and waited but mom never cam home. Eventually, we went to visit mom at the hospital. Finally, we were going to see something good. We would be happy and see mom and the new baby. Everything was going to be okay. To my horror these were all lies and worst of all mom was involved. I would find this out later. By now my mother was in an irreversible coma, that’s what the doctor’s said, never to return. We, I understood nothing but quickly

learned not to trust adults, not to trust parents, not to trust God, not to trust RELATIONSHIPS. The silence was becoming confusing. The “don’t talk about it” rule was set in motion and we all obeyed. Dad’s excuse was, God will take care of it but he was talking out of pain and denial. He had no outlet. He couldn’t talk about it himself, let alone with us. The times he did it sort of made things worse. Coming to this country as an immigrant totally isolated him from what he knew as a boy growing up in Greece. At night in Southern Greece, Sparta, under the deep blue

Mediterranean sky we talked. We opened up with friends and family. In those days we all lived close by and we all talked. Cousins, nieces, nephews, sons, daughters, parents, we all loved to open up and express ourselves. Here in the


U.S. things were drastically different. Things were fast and many times RELATIONSHIPS were put on hold. I feel sorry for Dad, sorry for myself but really sorry for Dimitri. Did I tell you I named my son after my father, Dimitri. The plot thickens. Nothing could prepare me for what I, as a thirteen-year-old boy was about to hear. Mom, Mom all I could hear was talk of mom. I gently, excitedly drew near to Dad as he proudly spoke of mom’s “last words”. Paula dear, the doctor says you will die if we try and deliver the baby. The Doctor advised my father that the baby would die in order for mom to live. Dad was to relay the message to mom. Then it came, words that not only horrified me but, pushed me from confusion to anger, to hatred, to that “bitch”. “I don’t care if I die, let the baby live.” Those were my mother’s last words. Dad was

stop them from making a nest. The rush felt good. As my defenses were awakened I would start to feel okay. The

A.N.T.S. or automatic negative thoughts were like my
salvation. As they flowed through my body, in and out of my mind, I not only entertained them but, gladly welcomed them to stay. They spoke to me. How could my mom leave me? How lazy is she to want to quit and go live easy in heaven. Doesn’t she care for me? Doesn’t she know I need her? Doesn’t she love me? I hate her! I hate her! She is a jerk and I will never, ever trust anyone ever again. She lied, she lied, she, lied to me. She promised to be there for me, to stand with me and to love me forever. I hate her guts! Yes, Teddy, you hate her and everyone else. You don’t need them. You don’t need anyone. Wow, brother Dimitri (father), is there anything I can do for you? Brother, Herndon was a great help to our family especially when Mom died. He stood there listening to my father trying to lend support. Then Dad said something that literally put the nail in the coffin, my coffin. Dad’s next

proud. I was mad. Dad was inspired. I was defeated. Then it happened. It was like someone released a million ants because I could feel then crawling up my legs, up my back and all around my head. It has been said, you can’t stop the birds from flying around your head but you can


statement solidified the start of my death, my relational death. Dad was speaking out of pain and denial trying to understand. He was trying to make sense of it all. Well, brother Herndon, God gives and God takes away. That’s what I heard, dad say. So now I see how it works. God took my mother. No! Worse! They worked this out together. She asked to abandon Teddy and God said, yes, that’s good, abandon Teddy. Yes, I’ll take you home to me. That’s wonderful. I will have you now for eternity and Teddy will have no one. What a monster! Those months leading up to, and after my Mother’s death were painful but the A.N.T.’s became my friends. The ants were the only ones I could trust anymore. They were there for me, every time. The ants would never let me down and for 21 years served me faithfully until the day I was alive again. Throw that piece of shit medallion out the window. Mom means nothing to us anymore. It’s now just us, me, myself, my shadow and I. My ego relationship was now king and the ants were my counselors. I threw the medallion out the window and vowed that day to never,

ever have a relationship with anyone the rest of my life. That day, I died. 21 years later after only 4 years my marriage died. This tragedy shocked me to my core. But just like the electrical shock of doctor’s instruments trying to revive a patient, the intense pain awakened me out of my sleep, out of my death. Today, for the first time in my life since age 13 I again began to live. This book is about my resurrection, my journey of growth and flowing back into the river of relationships. I am now on a quest, a quest to make sure Dimitri (my son) and Grace (my beautiful daughter) never die but live forever in the bliss of family and relationships. My dream is that they live in the loving arms of their father’s (and mother’s) relationship but also enjoy the true unconditional love of their “true” father. This is my new life. This is my resurrection. And just so you know, their mother lived with this dead person, me for four long, hard years. Imagine living with someone that long thinking, this person isn’t listening to a


word I am saying. Imagine living with a person who thinks he is king, a person who is only trying to get and never give. That was Me. She lived in this hell, my hell and to her I dedicate this book. My hope is to one day be healthy enough to offer her and others the gift of true friendship, a true honest relationship. To be able to say and mean it, “if there is anything I can do let me know. If you ever need help please call me. You can count on me. I will be there for you.”



My co-author, my sister, Ruthy also recently became alive. When we were younger, Ruthy relied on me as being her “older brother, ”her “protector” the one she wanted to spend time with, and get approval from. We had fun, but, usually at her expense, emotionally, and at my gain. For instance, I would regularly promise her that if she did my chores, we would “go skating” or “have ice cream together.” Well, selfish Teddy used and abused Ruthy especially after Mom died. He never really spent quality time with Ruthy unless she did some chore, or action to get his time. Teddy and Ruthy are 2 ½ years apart, and should have been “best sibling friends.” Ruthy’s hunger for intimacy was so strong it lead her to go after what, Teddy did. He played tennis, she was played, and might I say had “golden” matches in high school and college. He went for law enforcement; she did too, He wanted to be a and has thrived to this day.

lawyer, but, she pursued it. Hey TED!!!!! YOU ARE DOING IT AGAIN!!!! LET ME SPEAK FOR MYSELF!!!”


Okay, this is Ruthy speaking now. Yes, I too have been relationally, “dead” for 21 years, but, I somewhat learned that “FRIENDS” are resources. I used my friends in a way to feel more “normal.” I learned this well from, Teddy. I never truly opened up to them but, I was smart enough to let them open up to me to gain a community. Unfortunately, my friends eventually became healthy adults, and recognized in me that I was a phony. I never was true to them or myself. They still loved me, and, thank my lucky stars, they stood by me all of these years, knowing I was a relationship phony, but, loving the few real moments I slipped up, and gave them…. and surprisingly being forgiving, and understanding my “secret pain.” I lost my marriage, seven years ago due to a lack of authenticity on both parties. I did not acknowledge that lack on my part until 6 months ago when I developed a real “alive” relationship with Ted. Shockingly, healing my relationship with my brother started the healing process in all of my relationships past and present. It’s kind of cool

because Ted is a freaking cool person. We are both a bit odd, but in a fun way. I don’t think I was as affected by the death of our Mom like Ted was, but, I was affected greatly by the back-lash. Anyhow, it’s crazy how a woman’s relationships with men are sometimes tied into her relationships with her brothers and Father. I never believed that “crap” (so I thought) before, but, today, alive and growing…..I do. My Father, brothers and I have always had good relationships with each other, except we didn’t really get to know each other as adults. We didn’t take advantage of the fact that we could have been great friends. We didn’t talk about emotions or problems. I never realized until now that they were all in so much pain after my mom died that we never really developed a live adult relationships with each other. We didn’t know how to open up and be vulnerable and real. Today, my brothers are my best friends. I feel like I can be myself with them without fear that I will be judged or rejected. This is the goal of healthy relationships. I just turned 33 years old, and I know


that it is not, it is NEVER IT!

too late to form an

authentic relationship. I can do it, YOU CAN DO


For to those bound by their past and courageous enough to work through and overcome. May you fly free and experience a future of love, security and significance, a life of FLOWING authentic, relevant, healthy relationships.


to change this. The point is we of course want these fruits

Relationships…Finding Love Or War Theodocio

of relationships quick and now with no strings attached. Tell me that’s not the way our society has gone. We all want things instantly. We don’t “spend” time anymore. We rush though life. We rush through relationships trying to suck all we can from them before we drop them. That is not flowing. Let’s get back to the book. Just for starters this book is not about a quick fix to all life’s problems. This book is about flowing in relationships for a life-time in order to enjoy the love, security and significance we all cherish and need. We believe RELATIONSHIPS are life and death to this. This is the relationship factor. Being in relationships long-term will give you the tools needed to succeed and live an amazing life. We have called our book relationship river, flowing into you destiny.

Life is about finding. What are you finding? What are you looking for? Doesn’t it seem life is that way? I hope to find the answer to my problems. I hope to find a good job. I hope to find my soul mate. I hope to find out why she doesn’t love me. I hope. We are all looking and searching for something. Some are after money. Some are looking for fame and power. Okay, stop and think. What are you after in life? What’s your life in search of? What are the important things to you? What seems to always be getting your attention? I want to suggest we should be looking for relationships and in the process finding true success and happiness. All of us are looking for love, security and significance. These are bottom-line basic for everyone. Culture, religion, ethnicity and other like factors don’t seem

The Relationship Factor
Think about all the problems we have. Why can’t we seem to get it going and flow in our destiny? Ever wonder what the root problem is? Are our problems really in us or between us? Does it have to do with a lack of real,


authentic relationships? Stop and think right now. How many real relationships do you have now, right now. Someone you can call in the good times but more importantly in the bad times. Do you have friends that can totally rely on you to be there? Do you have friends you can count on to be there for you? Without relationships our problems seem to compound and become larger than they really are. If you are like me I have few of these dynamic connections and am in desperate need of more, more relationships. I can guarantee you that every single problem that we face as an individual, a nation and a world from poverty, to education to HIV is a direct result of a lack or failure of a relationship. A relationship of growth and accountability literally is the difference between failure and success in most cases. In some times and places it can be life and death. For instance Oprah is that relationship in Africa. She is the difference that is trying to educate and enlighten those regarding poverty and AIDS. Her efforts to relate are making a large impact in that world. Bono with his ONE campaign is doing the same. But this is not as easy as it sounds. They put their lives into this righteous

work. Just so you know, this book is about putting in “hard work” to finding and solving all the flow stoppers in your life. This is best done in relationships. We are not about solving symptoms to make your feel good for a moment but then see you suffer forever because the problem is not solved. We are about finding and solving the problem, the relationship problem. This is where true victory is. We mentioned “hard work”. We define the principles of hard work as time, energy and love.

Keys to success: “Hard work” in RELATIONSHIPS 1. Time – Represents your RESOURCES 2. Energy – Represents you, SPIRIT, SOUL AND BODY 3. Love- Represents your positive ATTITUDE

Time represents your resources. Energy represents you, all of you spirit, soul and body. Lastly, love represents your attitude, which must be positive. All three of these variables: your resources, you and a positive attitude are necessary for this book, this guide of your life to be complete. Without them, this is just another book. With


them this amazing book, this map of your life will show you the big picture of relationships. Your big picture can help you understand your life and your relationships. It will show you who you are and where you are at when it comes to relationships. finding and solving With this new gained insight life’s problem’s becomes

There are three major types of relationships that will propel you into this flowing river of fulfillment. Every relationship you will ever have is wrapped up in these three: the upward relationship, the inward relationship and the outward relationship. Stop and think about these three relationships for a moment. This could be your first step to unlocking the success of life. You must have faith and believe that relationships are your keys to life.

uncomplicated. It will not be easy but it will be clear. With a clear vision of the future, a deep understanding of the past and a realistic step now you are ready to ride the river of relationships. Life is about the next 30 minutes. Stop and focus all your attention on relationships for the next 30 minutes. Remember, the whole purpose of this book is that you are engaged in COMMUNITY and thriving in RELATIONSHIPS. This is THE KEY to life, the key to solving problems, the key to flowing, finding and growing. Here we are totally baptized in love, security and significance. We are flowing.

1. Upward – Ponder up 3 RELATIONSHIPS: 2. Inward – Focus in 3. Outward – Look out

I hope you get as excited as I do when I see them. When we can clearly see these three we become aware and are empowered to make changes in our lives; changes to our thinking, changes to our way of life, changes to our relationships. We all need to change, to grow, to strengthen our lives and really begin to listen, live and to love! We must stress the importance of hard work but at

Flowing in its purest sense is all about Intimacy, Closeness & Connection


the same time the power of small, focused steps. In the end we all know what to do. We all know what is right; healthy relationships. The question is are we doing it? Remember, the road to decline and destruction is paved with “good intentions” not “good actions”. There is nothing grand or genius, nothing new under the sun. Our goal is not to trick you with some mumbo jumbo but to see you do it, make it happen, to see you FLOW.

We are literally living in the past as we play the Memorex tapes of the past then make decisions for today. We need to honor the feelings of the past. We also need to deal with the decisions we made and the consequences but not let those feelings trap the decisions of today. I must be who I am because of who I am not because of someone else. We get trapped in life and worst of all we start to develop bad and evil philosophies but this is not reality. We must stop playing the tapes of the past and be courageous. We need the courage to find the love in life and not the wars of our past. I know past fears and hurts are telling you that you cannot live now, for today and get intimate in relationships but that’s a lie. Lies always die but good things never die. The good thing, the great idea is that you can be courageous and look beyond your past. You can be intimate and connect. You can flow in meaningful, fruitful relationships and you can live for today and for your amazing future! Let it flow! Finding Love or War……that is life…

Love – Security – Significance
Lastly, we must live now, flow now. What do I mean by this? We can choose to live two ways, live now or Memorex in the past. Our basic human needs are love, security and significance. As we move towards these in daily decisions with-in intimate relationships we often get hurt and then fear. Intimacy and relationships now become fearful, hurtful points in our lives. We then try to find love, security and significance in other destructive ways not in personal relationships. This causes even more hurt and fear. We then live from hurt to hurt and fear to fear.




Chapter 1 Relationships are Number One

about connecting and finding meaning and purpose in all our relationships, upward, inward and outward. There is a “sweet spot” in life, you’re in the zone, it is a mystical balance between you, others and the divine. It’s what

Relationships are it not the rat race. Relationships make your flow in life not the rat race. The rat race you remember it running to and fro going nowhere. Sound familiar, sound like your LIFE? You many think your life is flowing but don’t even think the rat race is flowing. I think we are all wise enough to realized that, “whoever dies with the most toys wins” philosophy is the “rat race”. Stepping on others to get to the top is the “rat race”. Your lust for power is the rat race. Your narcissistic view of the world is the rat race. Remember, in the rat race the rats are always winning, not you. You are bound to run on your wheel, trapped in your philosophical cage of life. You run, run and run only to get tired, go nowhere and in the end drop dead of running, not flowing! Sadly, life is full of rat’s ready to take your place on the wheel only to end the same. The rat race is not about relationships. It’s about using relationships for greedy, evil purposes. Flowing is

we call flowing. Remember, the failure always starts with a relationship failure. The rat race has failed us in life. We have failed in life. Stop and get real for a second and think. We have failed ourselves. We have failed others. Our schools have failed. We have failed to stop poverty and HIV. We have failed our children and drugged them up. We are literally living in the “great depression”. One in three young boys is hooked on drugs that stunt their growth and cause heart attacks. One in every three women is hooked on antidepressant drugs. An explosion of the drug “METH” might have been the final blow. We, sadly to say have FAILED. We have failed in life because we have failed in RELATIONSHIPS. This book is about a re-birth of relationships in ourselves, in society and in the world. When relationships flourish, awareness and growth


flourish. Relationships must be our top priority in life. This is when people are the most important. Life is precious and can only truly be lived when people are connected in relationships. We only then begin to start to flow again in life and live and love. enlightenment! This is true

your best friend, that’s flowing. Just like a free flowing river of clean crisp water, your whole body, your life, your whole existence just seems to flow. As you gain momentum the rush you feel is like the rush of water flowing, searching, seeking, trying to gain more ground. That’s flowing. Flowing is your divine destiny; it is your “soul mate” of purpose. Flowing is being connected to others, all the time. Flowing is doing the right thing always and being and feeling loved. The greatest thing we will ever do here on earth is to love others and be loved in authentic relationships. That’s flowing.

What is Flowing? We all dream of flowing. There is nothing like time out at starbucks with loved ones sipping your cappuccino and relaxing, that’s flowing. You are in that hot steamy bubble bath, relaxing and reading your favorite book, that’s flowing. Spending time listening to Relationships are number one. They must be number one in your life if you ever expect to flow, flow into your


amazing life of destiny and fulfillment. Just as a river needs water to flow we need it also. The human body is made up of 85% water. As we connect in healthy, relevant relationships that’s the “water” needed for our rivers to flow. Think about this statement, your problems in life are not in you but between you: you, others and the divine. Maybe you should stop and call mother who you haven’t spoken to in years. How about your spouse you have been fighting with. I believe it’s time we reach out and make that connection real again. This is flowing. Flowing in and out of intimate relationships gaining momentum, gaining insight for life’s challenges. Without relationships we lack the “water” to flow. Relationships are our vehicle and we are ready to flow. Remember, the relationship factor will be that amazing difference in your life. Although studies have shown that relationships are the key it doesn’t mean that everyone is in pursuit of healthy, relevant relationships. The hardest thing we will ever do here on earth is be in healthy, relevant relationships. It’s

not easy putting in the time, energy and love to make relationships flourish. We must believe and put in the effort. Although others things in your life may require minimal effort to enjoy them relationships need dedication and commitment for them to flow. You will not enjoy the fruit of relationships unless you prepare the ground, plant the seeds, water the seeds, wait for harvest and then harvest the fruit. This is a far cry from most of our “one night” stands, “one year” stands or if we are honest our “five year” stands. You can live with someone day in and day out but be a million miles away.

Levels of Maturity
1.Get Stage2.Give to GET Stage– 3.Get to Give Stage– Infants Most Adults Flowing, healthy person

So why is this so difficult?

There are three levels of

maturity in life that pertain to relationships that will give us some insight. The basic level of maturity in relationships is the GET stage. Here it’s easy to see where all the time,


energy and love are going. Infants GET their bottles when they cry. Infants GET their diapers changed when they Individuals at this stage in a cry. At this stage you only GET what you cry for, nothing less, nothing more. relationship are limited to the benefits they cry for. Babies are excused because they are born into a narcissistic view of life. They from conception are literally the center of the universe in the womb. Their whole world expands from themselves to out and others. Eventually we grow out of this stage. The next stage of maturity in relationships is the GIVE to GET stage. At this stage we give certain things to get other things. We give $2 at the market to get apples. Here we (selfishly) GIVE our time, energy and love to GET things. Most individuals in this type of relationship tolerate this level because they feel like the have earned something like, respect, love and acceptance. But, sadly this level is limited to the benefits they expect to receive. Here relationships breakdown because of unmet expectations.

The last stage is the GET to GIVE stage. At this stage because of our strong, relevant, intimate relationships we are FREE to give. It’s now a privileged to give because all of our needs and wants are already being fulfilled by all our flowing relationships. At this stage we frequently enjoy special benefits that we never expected. Our giving is with no strings attached and this touches the hearts of people. Here we are free to offer the gift of friendship. I’m here for you. Call me any time. I’ll be there for you. You can count on me. This connects us with others and gives more time, energy and love back to us, back to our flowing river. But remember it takes the initial hard work to make these types of relationships. This doesn’t come naturally. We naturally only care for our “ego relationship”, me, myself, my shadow and I. We must invest the time, energy and love. In the end we will be more happy and fulfilled in our lives. We will begin to thrive and prosper.


who will I call.

We instinctively think of a person, a

What we all Need
1. Love – 4 Types A. Agape-love………..(Spiritual) B. Eros-love………….(Sexual) C. Philos-love………...(Friendship) D. Storge-love……......(Family, blood related) 2. Significance – My life is unique and I am making a positive DIFFERENCE in the world. 3. Security – I am who I am because of who I am

relationship, someone who we can lean on and cry on their shoulder. If we don’t have that support system we then go to a vise to satisfy our relationship needs but this is not healthy. We must strive to solve our problems within relationships not with vises like harmful drugs and alcohol. Take a close look at this next chart. We can see how love, significance and security needs to be woven into the fabric (Spirit, Soul, Body) of our being. We can trace every decision in our lives back to an attempt to try to satisfy one of these needs. This will be more evident when we take the test. We then can adjust our behavior to effectively and efficiently maximize our results. So, we know that relationships are our biggest challenge here on earth. This doesn’t stop us from dreaming of finding our “soul mate” and wandering blissfully in to the sunset. Whether it’s a relationship at home, work, with a spouse or friend, we all thrive to be loved. The greatest

Our deepest needs as human beings are love, significance and security. These are the foundational inspirational forces of our entire lives. The decisions we make on a daily basis will be in an attempt to SATISFY these life needs. truly We run into trouble internally when we try to be met and satisfied in healthy, relevant satisfy these needs illegitimately. These needs can only RELATIONSHIPS. Often we are down and in need of support. Our first thought is who will I go to for help or


Our Make-up: Spirit + Body = Soul
1. Spirit – The breath of the Divine 2. Soul – The "Heart" of a person A. Mind - Thoughts B. Will - Decisions C. Emotions – Passion/Feelings 3. Body – The “dirt” 5 trace elements, 5 senses A. Sight - Eyes B. Taste - Tongue C. Touch – Our entire body D. Smell - Nose E. Hear - Ears thing we will ever do is love others and be loved by others. This happens in relationships. Meeting of the minds is great but our souls long for those heart to heart connections. How amazing is it when a friend or relative tells you how much you have touched their life and helped them through tough times. Can you feel the love? This joy of life, this wonderful thing called relationships transcends everything in life. Whether you are rich or poor the playing field is even. Both must work to enjoy this fruit. Do we

believe the lies that say money can buy happiness? Money can’t buy authentic relationships. Good looks can’t buy flowing relationships, neither fame, power or influence. This is an internal thing. Every single person is a diamond. We all have a depth of beauty and eternal value. This is only revealed when we take the time to listen and enjoy the inner person. We often only look a the outward appearance and fail to see the real beauty inside of others. How we have lost out. I think you get the point. As humans we must communicate and stretch ourselves to bond with others. This takes time, energy and love, it can’t be faked. Individuals want connections. We all long for connection. We want someone to listen, and validate us. What use is it if we gain the whole world but lose our soul mates along the way. I think we all can agree that life without relationships is a rat race with the rats winning. With that in mind our whole focus of this book will be how to honor, nurture and build our relationships in our lives. I believe that is where true happiness and success thrives. In fact, we will call this Relationship River. The question is, are you in the flow? Is your river flowing?


Basic Communication
1. Listening – We all need to listen better 2. Affirmation – Understanding is key 3. State your intentions - Honesty 4. Solve the issue – Oneness (Flowing Relationship)


Secrets of the FLOW
Relationships are #1

10. 11.

Time, energy and love are a must in order for relationships to flourish. Relationships cannot be faked. True relationships are threaded throughout our spirit, body and soul. True success in life is about connection and intimacy.

1. 2. 3.

The most difficult work we will do is be in healthy relevant relationships. The greatest joy in life is to love others and be loved by others. Success in relationships is being there for someone and someone is there for you anytime, anywhere, 24/7, 365 days of the year. Listening is always your first life goal. Love, security and significance are our basic human needs. Our spirit, soul and body long to connect with others. Life failures are always relationship failures. Your problems are not in you but between you, others and the Divine. Our natural instinct is to solve life’s challenges relationally, when this fails we only then go to vise.

12. 13.

4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.




Chapter 2
Tragedy shakes our comfort zone

pieces of the puzzle. That’s what life has been up to now, picture perfect, air tight, glued down shut. They wonder why life sucks and why they don’t have any real relationships? The comfort zone will keep us isolated. The comfort zone says there is no time for friends. The comfort zone says you are happy but actually you are obliviously to what true happiness is. And why is that, when we are in the comfort zone we usually don’t know it. We are so wrapped up in our small life we are lost in the trees and can’t see the forest.
Remember the story of the frog. Teddy the frog was forced into boiling water, he didn’t like it and jumped out instantly. But then Teddy was placed into cool water. What the frog didn’t know was that the flame was turned on very little. The frog comfortably stayed inside the warming water and eventually boiled to death. He got used to the rising water temperature even to the extent of his own death. The comfort zone is the killer zone. The water represents the flow zone of life. The flame represents flow stoppers. When we don’t have intimate relationships we get stuck in the waters, don’t flow and eventually die relationally which stops our flow.

You haven’t talked to mom in years and find out she has cancer. You’re off on a plane to visit her and make sure she is ok. Why is it that tragedy shakes us out of our comfort zone and into the flow zone of relationships? Come on this is the story of our lives. And, of course no one ever admits to being in the comfort zone. We define the comfort zone as a place of contentment but never real fulfillment. Think of all the severed or broken relationships in your life. Think of that friend that you have wanted to catch up with over a cup of coffee. Remember all the laughter and tears, the sad stories, the joy. Why is it that only an “act of God” could get both together again? That’s where true fulfillment will come from, renewed bonding and connection. The comfort zone is a place of temporary contentment. Think of the type of person trapped in the comfort zone. It’s when life is a puzzle and you know where all the pieces go. In fact, it took them some time to figure every thing out. Now they have glued down all the


The world was shocked. We were shocked. But one thing was for sure. For the first time in years we were spending time, energy and love in relevant, meaningful relationships. What “911”, “Katrina”, “The Tsunami” and every other disaster revealed was that we can do it. Yes, we can have authentic, meaningful, relevant relationships. We can love our neighbor. Somehow that mean person at work was now a fallen comrade. The fire fighter was our fallen dad. The Janitor at work was our superhero. People from seemliness all types of lives, religions and ethnic backgrounds came together to help each other and love one another. That’s what it’s all about. That’s what relationships are all about. That my friend is flowing. Lastly, we are sorry. Sorry for 911, sorry for Katrina, sorry to our friends and family we fail to call and most importantly sorry to our fellow human being for not caring. We must care and connect in relationships. We must take the time, energy and love to go back and repair where we have failed. This is flowing.

When comfort zones are shaken we are awakened to see how important relationships are. Let’s hope and pray it doesn’t involve tragedy. In a strange way I believe this is your day, your awakening. I hope you are being energized with faith. Once we realize this we don’t have to wait. With time, energy and love relationships will be our awakening to a fresh new world of love, joy and peace. Remember, all of our relationships are vitally important. Often times we value the peaceful relationships in our lives more than other ones. Part of a real authentic, relationship is the freedom to disagree and agree with disagreement. No one likes to or can live life surrounded by “yes men”. Our problem is most of us don’t know how to fight fare within those relationships. We often break off back into the land of the comfort zone. But it’s those times of stress and friction that diamonds are forged. We must not give in and give up! So, things happen and all of a sudden we ready to connect and we work through our differences. We actually start to love and live again. We can all do it now. Make a list of loved ones you are not flowing with. Which one will you have coffee with this week?


911 – Tragedy Katrina – Tragedy Tsunami – Tragedy

just like the thunder before the rain, it can shake us, stir us up to get us back into the flow. With all humility, understanding, and kindness we say the

These tragedies proved how much we can love and help others and in turn be blessed. We were shaken out of our comfort zones. This self-inward generation suddenly stopped only looking inward and started looking outward in love and upward for answers to why. This awful tragedy brought us back to our flow. The river of relationship started to flow again and we started to be blessed with connection. Flowing is as natural as the seasons on the earth. The great sky above sends rain. The ground is soaked and gives life. Fruit is produced and we are blessed with food. This is the flow of nature. We look up to God and we enrich our personal lives. Finally, we reach out to bless others. This is the fruit of relationship just like the rain from above. But

following: Yes, many of us lost loved ones, and that pain is acknowledged, and real. However, those that died, and suffered are divine martyrs to us and our relationships. Sometimes things happen that we may never understand. It is at this time that we realize how much we need a relationship with a loving God, with others and with ourselves. We go through death, atrocities, and pain, and wonder, why. But regardless of the answer God, family and friends are there ready to be there for us. When we go through pain and suffering they suffer with us. That is a true friend. But, perhaps their death sparked life into their beloved family members. Perhaps they sparked life globally affecting the masses, and in the end sparked life and love into humanity. One thing is for sure, relationships were renewed and gained.


We must decide to change now.

Half the problem is

our credit card debt to “save money”. Unfortunately, the real problem, lack of financial responsibility (gained in a healthy financial counseling relationship) is not solved. We eventually get back into the debt again but this time the instant solution or instant change is no longer available. We can get serious about getting financial counseling or keep living in denial and ask someone else to bail us out. That is not change. This book is about addressing the roots of all our problems in life, admitting we have them and slowly, consistently, building our relationships, upward, inward and outward which in turn will be our answers we need. We can truly see and visualize that our problems are not in us but between us and that’s how they will be solved. The great thing is we can do it now without tragedy.

admitting it. This is the first step to initiating change, to admit that we fall short in the relationships in our lives. You can do this now, right now, right where you are. Change starts instantaneous when we do this. This small seed of change can grow into bigger and larger change in our lives. Only you can light the fire of change in your life. Remember, it only takes a spark to get the fire going. Never despise simple beginnings and starts. Everything big once started out small. Growth and maturity take time but they are everlasting. As we start on our journey of growth we will definitely inspire others and others will get the fire from us. One of the most contagious things is a healthy person striving to be in healthy relationships. This is our goal. Lastly, this book is not about instant change. Instant

change will not be sustained long. Instant change is not based on relationships of time, energy and love but done because of the lack there of; lack of healthy, meaningful, relevant relationships. For example, we often re-finance


Secrets of the FLOW
Tragedy shakes our comfort zone

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

In life there will always be tragedy. 90% of life is what happens to you. 10% of life is how you respond to it. You can get bitter or better your choice. We must all learn to respond to tragedy in love not react in hate. The comfort zone will always hinder the flow zone of relationships. Flowing is about slowly moving forward not instant change. Instant change can never be sustained in the long run this is done through relationships. Crying is as natural as breathing.




Chapter 3 Relationship #1 – Ponder Up
Love seeketh not itself to please, Nor for itself hath any care, But for another gives its ease, And build a Heaven in Hell’s despair. William Blake

don’t measure up to His heavenly standards. They believe He is up there and we are down here and He doesn’t want to have anything to do with us. We obviously believe the contrary. We believe in a God, a powerful divine that wants to be in a personal relationship with us. We believe God is the author and finisher of all relationships. And, we

There is more to life you know. We can’t possibly claim to know everything. Socrates said the greatest thing I ever learned was how little I know. One thing is for sure there is the Divine. The Divine is the beginning of all things, especially relationships. Some call the Divine, God, some call the Divine a higher power. What ever you call Him, He must be the embodiment of love and the beginning of all relationships. Why believe in God if God isn’t love. Some of the most miserable people in the world believe in a God who is not love but anger, death and judgment only. In-fact, the sad thing is that many religions believe that the Divine is not love and will not have a personal relationship with us. They believe in a dictator not an author of FREEDOM. They believe in a distant God that is ready to hit us on the head with a heavenly hammer because we

believe in a God that literally died to His freedom to make sure we have freedom. Freedom to be engaged in healthy relationships which in turn will be our spiritual connection to live an amazing life! God’s ultimate goal is that we all understand our freedom in Him, the freedom He gives us and we in turn give back in our relationships. This is our upward relationship.

Relationships start from the top, flow down into us and then out to others. This is our faith. This faith is a spiritual thing that will lead to physical action. Healthy relationships always require action. You must step out of the boat to ride the rivers of relationship. We must have a


spiritual, a mystical faith in God but also a very practical action in our lives that promotes change.

kind of energy and positive attitude. We all can use a boost and adjustment of our attitudes. Ever notice how our attitude really affects our daily lives. You can call it faith,

We need to be powerful in word and deed Word
Believe in relationships and speak it, our upward

the power of intention or whatever. One man explained this spiritual high (your positive attitude) as being more important than any other force in our life. It affects 90% of our lives. Or, said this way, 10% is what happens to us, 90% is how we deal with it. God’s spirit supercharging our spirit can make the difference in life. With God’s love, we can deal with what happens to us and thrive. All we need to do is be ourselves plain and honest. Yes, be realistic about the problem but at the same time see your future in God’s positive eye. Remember, God is on your side. We don’t need to impress God we just need to connect. Remember, at this relationship, at this point we just need a mental, a spiritual adjustment. It’s all about affecting our lives not the Divines. And, we must not feel that because we have not talked to God in a while than we have ruined that relationship. No, God does not keep a tally sheet of our failures and then put them in our face. God is

Put action to our belief, our inward and outward relationships

Time to think, time to ponder that’s what we all need. When we do this we find the spiritual strength to motivate us in life. Our spirit needs to connect with God. When our spirit is up we have the motivation to live. Our whole physical body and mind gets electrified when our spirit is positive. That’s why cheering is so powerful and important in our lives. You remember the cheer-leaders in high school and the cheer squad. People spend big amounts of money to hire personal “coaches” for life. Someone who has “spirit” is someone with life and an excitement about themselves. Most people need that and love to feed off that


anticipating when you and He will meet again, and talk. God remembers your relationship no matter how long or short it was. God loves you unconditionally. God is your friend. You can look at God as your personal coach but you will be doing the actual work. God will put the Divine spirit and winning attitude in you. You will work it out in your life and the lives of others. Oh, by the way, God does not belong to any one group or church. God is all of ours. Those establishments that define God in only their terms should not do that. God cannot and will not be limited by our religious boxes. How selfish is it for one group to feel that they own all of God, and his teachings. No one knows the full counsel of God. We all prophesy and talk only one part of the puzzle. We say God loves all, and for all to love and commune with! Connection is possible.

relationship prayer does it the best. When we ready, study and research about God that’s God speaking to us. Prayer is when we talk to God. We all know that communication is the foundation to any relationship. powerful force in your life. Prayer can be a This needs to be done

individually, personally but also with others. When done with others it can supernaturally create a deeper bond between you and the other person or persons that you are praying with. This kind of prayer doesn’t happen overnight. It takes trust and openness that can only be developed over time.

Spiritual Communication Skills Step 1: Prayer/Solace – Talking to the Divine Step 2: Listening/Reading – The Divine speaking to us Step 3: Singing/Praise – Enjoying spirituality and life

Develop Your Spirit
Meditation is the key to transforming you. It will cause positive change in your life. Prayer has been called the oxygen of your spirit. Of all things that define your upward We must communicate with the divine always. There needs to be a constant communion, a constant flow. We can also bolster our efforts by attending the house of God. Here we make community with others on the same journey.


Often we feel more spiritual at the house of God. We feel that we have left the rat race of life and come into the quite, peaceful, inspiring presence of God. But we must leave with an action plan. A plan to actually grow, to change, to make a difference in our life and the lives of others. Fasting not only clears and cleans out your body but also your soul and makes you more spiritually sensitive. Many of us have gone to the spas in the Desert and eaten that horrible food. We come back thinner and more focused. Our bodies need a time to relax and recoup. Our minds need to be able to take over and be in control instead of being driven by our addictions like over eating. We spend this time eating right. Again, we have come so far that this is not the norm any more. We have become so unbalanced in our bodies that our spirit suffers. We need to get back to the basics and fasting can get us there. Remember, there was a time when fasting was the norm not the exception of the rich. Fasting combined with prayer is the power we need to energize us into action.

We all need a mentor. There is always someone higher than us and always someone lower than us. We all need to ponder, to look up to someone who can speak life and wisdom into our life. This is a huge part of our upward relationship. Our hero’s can often inspire us to do great things but a mentor can actually see that we do them. We all need that one-on-one accountability in our lives. Mentors can see things that our eyes have been blind to for years. It’s a keen ability to step outside yourself and see you for who you really are. Or even better to judge ourselves the way we judge others. Ouch that hurt. Who are we? We are the person who we think we are. We are the person who others think we are. We are really the person who God, who our personal, mentor knows we are. That’s growth. Journaling can be a powerful spiritual tool. Some people journal just to keep a journal. We can at any times in our lives go back and read our journal and learn from our past. We can get excited about how much we have grown or see where we went wrong. Some people just need to write


things down and never go back to read them again. Journaling can be a process of goal setting or new resolutions in our lives. What ever the case is, there is power in writing your words, your thoughts, your beliefs, your “God talk” down on paper. We need to write the vision down, make it a reality in our spirit because we can then make it a physical reality in our lives and the lives of others. Some actually turn there thoughts into books to share with others. God, the Divine. Our spiritual journey may take many forms and ways but boils down to having connection with


Secrets of the FLOW
Ponder up

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

The greatest thing I learned was how little I know… Socrates Relationships flow down into us and out to others. We must speak our faith but our faith must also have feet. Freedom is our heavenly mandate. God loves you. Prayer is the oxygen of your spirit.




Chapter 4 Relationship #2 – Focus In
He who cannot help himself Cannot help others

responsibility and act.

This is not flowing but hiding.

Remember, we think we are the center of the universe. Worst of all we surrounding ourselves with like minds or ever worse weaker corrupt minds. We never have any real friends with real relationships because our sweet bubble might be burst. A real authentic friend relationship will tell you the truth and help you grow out of that. We all need to wake up and smell the starbucks. Personal responsibility for personal actions based on personal freedom based on you. God demands that you be free. God will never force you to do anything. Whenever we are forced into doing what’s right for us it suddenly because what’s wrong for us. God’s nature demands that you have total freedom, yes, to do whatever you want to do. Anyone tells you different is not living in reality. Common human decency will tell you this. It will also tell you that as a free agent you will be held accountable to every and all actions of freedom you do/choose. Never believe or think that you have to do the right thing. You don’t HAVE to do anything, that’s the pure freedom of the human spirit

Your knight in shinning armor is not coming. Ouch that hurt me. How about this one! Keep dreaming, you will not win the lottery. This is the best, “I’m waiting on God for my miracle”. We call these "words of wisdom",

lazyisms. When you have a world-view that someone
other than yourself will come through for you, we call that “not reality”. The first major problem we have in our I am the inward relationship is, you guessed it, us.

problem. Of course we live in denial for years because it could not possibly be us that is holding us back. Why, because we are God’s gift to the human race or on the other extreme we are a “nobody”. What ever the reason we wait for others to do for us what we must do for ourselves. So our evil philosophy poops up. We need to blame someone else or something else. We don’t take personal


speaking. Any government, religion, tyrant or other who dares to suppress this freedom will in the end die. No good thing will ever die. The end result will be a totally healthy you. I am who I am because of who I am; not because of something or someone else.

dumbest thing, I have ever done, this book is stupid”. Did we lose you? The question has been asked many times, can one person make a difference in the world. Every one makes a difference in the world, some bigger than others, some

I am who I am because of who I am Not someone else…
Be your own hero. Make a difference in your life. That will change the world. Remember, it starts with your attitude. Repeat after me, “I am my hero”. Allowing new, fresh ideas into yourself can change you, change you into a flowing river of fulfillment. Say it, speak it to yourself. If you could not say it, try again and say it. You are becoming the champion you are. Okay, if you can’t speak, if you can’t write, then just think it. Think for a moment, this is the greatest challenge of your life, of your total existence. I am my hero. My hero is not coming, I have come, I am here. Okay, you are thinking, “this is the

more evil than others. We must choose to invest time, energy and love to make an impact. We all have influence. Leadership is influence. How we use that influence will determine what type of leaders we are and to what extent we will impact our lives and others. The great thing about being your own hero is that you are always there and you don’t have to rely on others. Some of the greatest people in the world not only made a difference but were written off as nobodies. Just remember, the more people say you can’t do it or you are worthless the more you must press on. By nature we are jealous and yes, miserly loves company. One person can make a difference! list goes on. Just remember: Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, Jesus Christ, Gandhi and the They were people just like you but they pondered upward, focused inward and then looked


outward. They all had failures and disappointments but turned them into stepping-stones to gain higher ground. They became better not bitter and flowed into their divine destiny of fulfillment and purpose. Later we will have these people actually take our test based on their actions recorded in history. If you don’t do it, it will not get done. At some point in life, we all have to take a look inward. We must have a healthy inward relationship if we expect to do anything right in life. We must take personal inventory. Take care of yourself because if you don’t no one else will. You got to know how you tick, what are my strength’s and what are my weaknesses. We all must strive to grow as individuals. And of course, the market today is flooded with self-help materials that we all need to take advantage of. Whether it’s the purpose driven life or Emily Post’s Book of Etiquette we all can use some help. Wise is the person with many counselors. Our inward relationship will develop our body and soul. You must take the time, energy and love to take care of your mind and body. We all know the right

things to do in life are the hardest. Don’t cheat yourself out of life. Don’t wait for tragedy, a heart attack to wake you out of your comfort zone. Remember the story of the frog. If you throw a frog into boiling water, he will jump out instantly. But, if you put the frog in cool water and turn the flame on very little the frog will stay inside and boil to death. He gets used to the rising water temperature even to the extent of his own death. The comfort zone is the killer zone. I can play this violin over and over again but I think you get the point. You must develop your mind and body or your river will not flow. How many times have you told yourself, I’m going to finish my degree, I’m going to spend more time with my children, I’m going to stop smoking or, I’m going to work out regularly. You are going but you never get there and you will not unless you are connected in relationships, support. You can see how important this is. Don’t forget, your inward must be balanced with Remember, small focused 30outward and upward. You can do it. Even if your flow is a small creek, let it flow. minute steps will change you life. Start with a baby creek, and one day, yours will be a large flowing river blessing


others and being blessed. Small creeks do not have a set length or width. Your baby creek could become a river in no time. There is no guideline or race for how all of our creeks/rivers are flowing. This is not the rat race. The point is: flow now, start today. Just reading this book is your first step. Congratulations your flow has started! Health flow. Your body is always going down hill.

Remember, moderation in all things is the key. It doesn’t matter how much you exercise. You need to exercise on a regular basis. You need to take walks and develop your breathing. Are you getting enough sleep? You think sacrificing you health for future rewards is valid but you are speeding up your own death by not being healthy. You will not be around to enjoy that future reward. This is not rocket science and I am no fitness guru, this is common sense. When are you going to start eating that apple? Are you spending the time, energy and love or are you losing your life 30 minutes at a time? The health flow is so huge in your life. We all need to get serious about our precious health? The market is full of books, full of tools for you to use. The internet gives you this knowledge at your finger tips. Isn’t it funny that today eating healthy and normal is called “organic” eating. We have stayed so far from the basics that we are literality eating our lives to death. We are fatter than ever in our bodies and thinner than ever in our minds and spirits. We need to get balanced. The key is being consistent not rigid. Remember the all or nothing philosophy never works. This puts to much pressure on

Thermal dynamics demands that you are always going down hill. Your cells are breaking down, your mussels and

Personal flow - Health - Finances - Relationships - Morals - Education - Family - Personal time your mind. You are literally wasting away. That’s why your health is so important. If you are to make a huge impact in the world. You need you stay healthy.


you and takes away your freedom. We need to be flexibly consistent but never rigid. We need to get our minds in shape. This is our mind flow. Yes, I am speaking to YOU. Everyone needs to develop their mind; GED, college, adult school, or encyclopedia call it what it’s all about education. It’s obvious we can’t rely on the schools to do this. We must want it and push forward beyond all barriers and excuses. We all need to learn more and stretch our minds. Some of us need to GET back to school and finish our degrees. Some need to pursue that advanced degree. Better minds means better living and more money. Remember, the LOVE of money not money is the root of all evil. When you have a relationship with money not your loved ones then it becomes evil. Remember leaders are readers. We all need to learn more. It is said, the greatest battles in life are not fought in the flesh and blood but in the battlefields of our minds. The war for our minds is constant. We are daily bombarded by advertisers trying to entice us to give them our time, energy and love. We must take our minds serious and develop

them into a haven for relationships not a lust for things. If we fail at this it is only a matter of time till be lose our minds to the rat race of life. Finances are the second biggest killer of marriages next to sex. Our financial flow is important. The root of all evil is the love of money. When we are so possessed to get more money we usually are not good with money. Spend thrifts are horrible with money. They love the money because of what it brings but not the responsibility. savings. We suck at We have thousands of dollars worth of debt.

Money has totally possessed us and controls us. We need to budget. What is budgeting? Budgeting is not being stingy and not having fun. Budgeting is being smart about your hard earned money. Budgeting is knowing where your money is coming from and where your money is going. Budgeting is about being in total control of YOUR MONEY! Gosh do we ALL need to get on the ball with this one. Save yourself from the money monster. Isn’t is time you started Oprah’s debt diet? Isn’t it time you sat down with a friendly financial counselor? Okay, this week


will be your week of victory. Stop right now and schedule in a day to meet with them. I am so proud of you, you are starting to flow! Financial confusion will STOP your flow! You will never enjoy life and go on vacation if your can’t control your spending. Vacation flow is a must and a

Everything needs to be done on a regular basis, with moderation but it must be done. In Europe the basic vacation is six weeks. We get so wrapped up in the rat race that we lose sight of relationships and relaxation. Some of my best memories of life are those of my family vacations.

Now we are getting serious about what matters in life. When was the last time you really took the time and listened to someone you love? When was the last time you went on that walk together and spend QUALITY TIME? You know exactly what I am talking about. Feeling guilty? I mean what is life all about anyway. What is life worth living if you can’t live it with ones you love, trust and respect. Fathers need to spend time playing with children. Wives need to spend time with girlfriends. Best friends need to take each other out for coffee. Children need to spend time with other friends. Husbands and wives need quite time to love each other and listen. We all need to

biggie. We cannot continue to live year after year without a vacation and ever expect to be flowing. Some of your greatest flowing is done while on vacation. Vacation is your time to escape from your life. It’s time to let loose and not be wrapped up with the day to day duties and responsibilities. Remember, from the beginning there has always been a Sabbath, a time allotted to rest. We all need time to rest our minds, our bodies and our spirits. Ever feel like you can’t go another day. Ever feel so drained and depressed that you can’t go another day. That’s your body telling you, screaming at you to STOP. That’s when you need, you must go on vacation. And we wonder why we often explode and binge on the weekends from the stress and pressures of life. Please, please, please go on vacation.


give and receive hugs, kisses and embraces daily. Relationships are about connection. Connection with self also involves connection with close loved ones. This is a

my wife lived in. I lost my wife and hopefully someday will find her again though listening. Listening to others is the basis for all relationships. This was one of the reasons why I ventured to write and tell others. I get so excited about this book and the test. I really want to take the test and see my personal ratings. Sure, I am writing but do you really think I have it all together. This project is really about my flow, the flow of my partners and of course yours. I hope that we can grow, that we can flow together. I can see that flowing is about doing the right thing. You can begin to see that flowing is the right thing. Morality is doing the right thing for yourself, for others and for your God. Many people hate talking about their moral flow but we need to. We all need to. Destructive personal behavior is morally wrong; drug abuse, alcohol abuse, eating abuse, verbal abuse, etc. All abuse is morally wrong. Life and flowing is not about abusing yourself or others. When you abuse yourself others suffer also. Never think you live in a relationship vacuum. It does not exist. You were made for relationships and with it comes a moral responsibility to

must in life. If you are not spending meaningful time,
special time with the ones you love then START today. Stop right now and call a loved one to have coffee and talk. If you don’t know how to communicate and listen then I advise you to take a class. Take communication 101. Read relationships and communication for dummies, I did. Learn conflict resolution. Educate yourself get the knowledge and the skills to be a great listener. I beg you to do it. This is such a crucial part of your flow. Like all the aspects of your flow this is important but even more so this special time with loved ones is one of the big markers or indicators of you as a flowing person vs. a person not flowing. Examine yourself to see if your are of the flow or not. For me personally this was one of my BIGGEST failures in life. I never listened to my wife. Just imagine living with someone for four years thinking, this person isn’t listening to a word I am saying. Think of what hell


yourself and the ones you influence. Remember, we all have influence in our lives. Parents have influence over children. Children have influence over friends. My boss has influence over me. We need to morally not abuse that influence or leadership. If we cannot control ourselves then we need to get help, today and now. Lastly, we all need to focus on our personal journey. When we become relationally re-born we need to start a journey of growth. This is so important and crucial to your flow. Most of us need professional help to do this. This personal journey is the nuts and bolts to who you are. We all have issues that we need to work through. We all have relationships that need improving and repairing. We all have done damage to ourselves and others. We need to fess up, understand and grow. So, I will ask you, “when did you start your journey?” This is a huge part of flowing. This personal journey of yours is molded by you and those who help you. This is where you customize your inward life to flow. You are the only person who can do this. But

you are not the only one who benefits. Good luck and see you on the river.


Secrets of the FLOW
Focus in

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

I am who I am because of who I am. Personal freedom demands personal responsibility. If you don't do it, it will not get done. The hero in your life is YOU. Your journey of growth is essential to your wellbeing. Flowing is doing the right thing for your, others and the Divine.




Chapter 5 Relationship #3 – Look Outward
Love is a verb not a noun.

out flow, out to the needs. At this point in our lives we can see the need. My father taught me to see a need and fill it. I have tried to live that out in my life because although I can’t save all the starfish on the beach, I can save “this one”, the need in front of me. Our flow is coming down and into us and then must be released to others. Let’s be honest this is where we all like to damn up the flow. This is where we get greedy. We all get greedy. But this is where the flow gets stale and the waters of relationships get dirty and muddy. How many of us struggle in the muddy waters of the “flow”, depressed and wondering why we can’t get excited about life. We try, try and try and do, do, do but fail to UNDERSTAND that the blessing of the flow, the fresh waters will not come again unless we release it to others. This my friend is one of the greatest accomplishments of life to flow into the lives of others. Because when we flow into others a part of us goes and we start to connect. If you try to save your life you will lose it but if you lose your life you will gain it back. We literally deposit part of our “self” into the lives of others.

Life must be bigger than us. We must be involved in a cause worth of nobility. Doing the right thing must be our legacy we leave our families and the world. We must care. We can all learn to be a hero. Hero’s are not born but are taught. Hero’s are always normal human beings not some made up x-person in fantasy world. Remember, first we need to be our own hero and then someone else’s. Just think about it. You could be superman or superwoman for someone. Life is full of people hurting and hoping. But, before we can really help someone we must first rescue them. When someone cried out for help, Superman always rescued them first and talked to them later. No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. That’s proven when you LISTEN to someone. That’s lesson number one, reach out and touch someone. We need to get out of ourselves and let it flow. Remember, the flow flows down not up. Our outward relationship is a natural


There is nothing wrong or evil about damns. In-fact, a damn can conserve water and later save lives. A damn can also power energy. A damn can also promote enjoyment but when a damn is to large it can cause damage to the natural landscape. There becomes a problem when the waters are never released. This type of a damn has no lasting benefits to us, to the human race. Damning up of the flow can actually make us sick, sick to our stomachs of what we have become. Recently, I read of a study done. These individuals were given a device to strap on themselves. The device monitored their heart and at the same time recorded everything they said. The results were amazing! The finds concluded that the more we use the words I and me the greater chance of heart failure. Remember, our problems are not in us but between us. We must let life flow through us and give life to others. If we grip life so tightly we literally squeeze the life out of even us. No one wants to be a lonely miser barricaded in an ivory tower. That’s not normal, that’s not flowing. It’s a proven FACT that when human beings are isolated they

become CRAZY, every time.

That’s why solitary

confinement is used as punishment in prison. It’s horrible. Why not start by mentoring someone. Why not let

someone else know about the flow. Remember that person who helped you in life. You would not be here today if it hadn’t been for them. Everyone loves to say that they are “self made” but that’s just not true. And, if they are, they are just that self and nothing more. That’s not flowing and growing but isolated and selfish. How about YOUR MENTOR today right now. Let’s stop for a second and try to figure this out. In life there are those who know more than us, right. Of, course you are not a “know it all”. There are those who know less than us. This is true for all things like profession, wisdom, etc. Your field has it’s expert and how awesome if you are one. Regardless of this or not, you can find someone in your field that needs some mentoring. Remember, it doesn’t have to be someone in your field but one thing is for sure, it must be someone willing and ready. Also, we must not force ourselves on individuals. We need to be willing, ready and organized.


There are many good resources out there that can guide you to become a great mentor.

usually responding to past hurts and fears. Our hurts and fears say that we can’t do it but in reality we can. If we are courageous to look past the past we can do it. I always ask myself, is this live or Memorex. Is this a live right now threat to myself or am I playing “the tapes” of some past hurt and is it now affecting me negatively. Are we giving blood regularly? Talk about flowing into others. This type of giving actually will hurt, a little. This hurt is live but can also be Memorex. So you went to give

OUTWARD FLOW - Being Kind - Mentoring - Volunteering - Charity - Giving blood - Voting

How about the vote? We all have a moral obligation to get out the vote. We can also get involved in politics. I know, you are thinking that politics suck and all politicians are evil. That’s because you don’t have a personal relationship with a politician. There are evil ones out there but my point is YOU need to get involved. After all if you can point out the bad politicians that must make you a good one. We need good ones. This type of relationship can be very demanding but remember with the proper time, energy and love all things are possible. Remember, all “impossible” relationships are difficult because we are

blood and the nurse was new. She stuck you so many times you felt like a pin cushion. People are literally dying now, right now because we refuse to give blood regularly. We fail to see the benefits of doing this. We fail to see our duty. There are always legitimate excuses but most of the time we don’t find the time, we must. Giving your time, energy and love to charities is always an excellent option. It’s so easy just to give a financial donation but we need to stretch our hearts and give ourselves also. For example instead of just donating your


car to the LA MISSION you could actually drive your car down there and leave it there. While you are down there you could help in the food kitchen, help clean up or even help with the DMV paper work for the transfer of the car. We should get excited about it and for sure get creative. Volunteers are some of the coolest people in the world. Now, there is a chance to be creative. Just think how many hundreds or even thousands of philanthropic organizations you could benefit by volunteering. You literally become the bloodline of the organization. These types of groups rely heavily on people helping out. If you don’t believe me just try it. You could start your own great people helping organization. You could start the first volunteer’s organization. You would have the largest database in the world of great, amazing people who were ready to volunteer. All the non-profit, philanthropic organizations would contact you for volunteers. How awesome is that. I might start that or maybe you or maybe us both. Mean people suck! Ever see that bumper sticker? I think who ever made that bumper sticker just doesn’t get it.

Being kind is what life is all about. Remember, behavior is contagious. When we go out of our way to be kind and help someone it not only affects that person, it also affects us and those who observe us doing that kind deed. We literally fight back the evil in the world when we DO something kind, something good. Even just mentioning this might have caused something to stir inside of you. If we are honest it was a battle, a war wagging within our being. We want to do good but find ourselves doing bad. Let’s just give in and do it. Let’s smile at work today. Let’s give Joe the bum a dollar today. Let’s open the door for the mother and her children. Let’s start to care, start to connect. Expand your circle of love to include others, especially those who no one else wants. You are starting to be that hero. You can be that hero for someone. I am so proud of you. You should be proud of yourself. The human race is proud of you and lastly God is proud of you. As we reach out and touch someone, they reach back and touch our lives. This is flowing. Stop for a second and begin to believe, begin to imagine. Imagine a flowing world of love not war. This will be one of our greatest


challenges in life but we can do it. Remember, healthy relationships are contagious and someone is out there waiting, waiting for you. Let it flow!


Secrets of the FLOW
Look out

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

See a need and fill it. Love is a verb. Greed is a common evil we must all fight and win. Being kind is everyone's moral duty. There is always someone higher than you and someone lower than you.




Chapter 6 Are you FLOWING?
Test all things and hold fast to what is true.

We now can strategize and put in the time, energy and love to make those areas of weakness less in our lives.

Are you ready to flow? Where are you at when it comes to these 3 key relationships in life: up, in and out? If you are like me you need to work in all 3 areas. In this last section we have developed a test to show you where you are. Where do you think you are? Are you excited to find out? This test is designed to show your flow, who YOU are now right now. The results can be life changing. This will be the beginning of your life journey. We all are on a journey of growth. Truth sets us free to be born again to start a new and thrive. We will see the true essence of who we are, of who we have become. We will see your strengths and what are your weaknesses? We all need to admit and work on our weaknesses but also to focus on and master our strengths. That’s half the battle admitting you have weaknesses. The process is very important. Understanding the process is even more important and a key to victory.

Relationships pathways - Healthy 1. Accept intimacy (enlightenment) 2. Pain/hurt comes (comfort zones tested) 3. Deal with it & work through it (courage/counsel) 4. Accomplishment/Joy comes (purpose) 5. Faith in intimacy (strength) It’s simple. We each are faced with decisions in relationships. We can find love and make it work or find war and break things off. Remember when we are not in healthy relationships we often lack the connection that gives us that edge in our lives. Our daily decisions will affect our lives and in turn our way of life or our standard of living. This test is designed to find out who we are and where are we going. We can then start to examine our Relationships pathways – Un Healthy 1. Accept intimacy (enlightenment) 2. Pain/hurt comes (comfort zones tested) 3. Fear/Rejection (run from intimacy) 4. Bitterness (unhealthy philosophies) 5. No Faith in intimacy (weakness)


lives and trace everything back to our decisions and more importantly back to our fears and hurts of the past. The results of the test can give you amazing insight. Some results will show were we have dammed up the river stopping the flow. We will also see areas of drought that have stopped the flow. We also will examine times in our lives where we have poisoned the river of life and when tragedy has been so strong that the river itself has been moved. Is it possible to actually take a test that can show so much? Yes, because our test is based on your upward, inward and outward relationships or lack there of. Since these 3 relationships engulf your entire life it’s no wonder that this amazing test will literally be the “God’s eye” into your life, into your universe. Choices we made is key.
Tracing back to who we are from our TEST results: We can see how we became one of the 8 characters 1. We are person X because of our Faith (What we believe) 2. Our Faith is evident by our Decisions we make 3. Our Decisions are upon us because of our Problems 4. Our Problems are because of Hurts and Fears 5. Our Hurts and Fears are because of Intimacy

6. Our Intimacy is because of our relentless pursuit of love, security and significance. This is human nature.

We will now take a closer look at individuals and their lack of flow. Don’t forget all these excuses or hang-ups to the flow seem to fade away when tragedy strikes. Just like 911, people lost everything and were forced to grab the only things left, relationships. We can all learn and start developing our flow now before anything drastic happens. Remember, our test is designed to give percentages in each 3 categories of relationships. These percentages will add up to 100% of our time, energy and love. Our examples are extremes in each case but remember we can get an idea of what would happen to us if we continue life unbalanced and went to the extreme.

Change comes from within-New awareness/understanding 1. What we think/believe (Faith) becomes what we speak 2. What we speak becomes what we do 3. What we do becomes habit 4. Our habits become our character 5. Our character is who we are – One of the 8 characters


#1 -

Our first character is the person who is totally

Lastly, this person takes time daily to meditate and pray. He reads his sacred spiritual scriptures that give him his daily boost and motivation. Aside from his weekly trip to church/temple he weekly attends a weekly accountability group where he opens up and is real with his mentor. This guy is balanced especially when he is in Southern Greece soaking in the sun. He realizes that there is always someone lower than him that needs help and someone higher than him where he receives help. He is not a Mr. Know it all but spends his time, energy and love trying to know all. He truly is flowing in Spirit, Soul and Body. And the most important part of this person’s life is that he makes plenty of mistakes but is loved and accepted in close, intimate relationships that foster change and growth. 8 Types of people & their 3 RELATIONSHIPS
Person 1. Healthy 2. Unhealthy 3. Damned up 4. Isolated 5. Self-less Up + In + Out + Notes This person is FLOWING Needs serious counseling Greedy person, “church” people So heavenly minded, no earthy good Always neglecting self

balanced, the healthy person. His time, energy and love is 33% invested in the inward, 33% in the outward and 33% in the upward relationships. He is definitely healthy and the river is flowing in his life. He is confident to give and receive in his life and he is totally fulfilled. A look into his life reveals a person who eats healthy and exercises. He definitely spends quality time with his family and friends. Even though he sticks to his budget he still has funds for a relaxing trip to read and sip cappuccino at star bucks. This doesn’t mean he wastes time, in fact he has plenty of time to study for his MBA on the train to work every morning. This guy also takes time at work to listen and train his employees. In fact, he is involved in the mentoring program that he started where he personally spends 3 hours a week with one individual. He listens. His “help” bulletin is a place where anyone in the office in need of help can post that need on a board. Someone else in the office can then see the need and fill it if they wish. And yes, he gives blood, donates to charities and is a mentor at AA.

+ + +

+ -



6. Naïve 7. Atheist 8. Self


+ +

+ + -

Abused, gives but never receives Know it all, no belief in God No time for anyone else but self

handicapped people need extra love, respect and help. There are also those who are extremely bitter about life. These people often exhibit fits of anger and rage. These people need help also. How about those who are so depressed that they cannot function in life. What ever the case is these people DESPERATELY need outside intervention and help. We can pray and pray but these people need focused professional help to pull them out of the fires of life. We often pull away from these type of people but we must care. Humanity urges us to care and try out best to reach them.

Remember the key to life is balance. You can see how the healthy person measures up to the other types of individuals. Again these are the 8 extremes and only pointers to types. We have used common names only to get a general idea. Most of us will fall in a mix of these but there are those of us who will be exactly one of these eight. Later we will show you the results of famous people who have taken the test based on their actions.

#2 – No up, in

or out

#3 – No out
Cursed is the damned. This person is stuck. This person is so excited about up and in that they forget out. They do not lack the understanding or knowledge but fail to act upon their convictions. I would call this person your average “pew sitter”. For those who don’t know what this is let me explain. This person goes to “church/temple” every week faithfully. They sit down in their comfortable pews and get

The un-healthy person is in serious need of help. This person has not invested any time, energy or love into their 3 key relationships. This could be for many different reasons but one thing is for sure you can trace it back to fears and hurts of the past. They are bound by their haunting past and are in desperate need of freedom. Also, some unhealthy are those not totally mentally whole. Mentally,


ready for “church”. They get really excited, jump up and down singing songs. They are often entertained by song and dance which is followed up by a “message”. The message is usually centered around loving your neighbor as your self. With total agreement, often in tears the message is swallowed hook line and sinker. With great pride and sense of spiritual connection they leave thinking how awesome it is to listen to the truth. The next thing is classic. They spend the entire week only worried about themselves but fail to even once help someone else. They just can’t seem to walk their talk. We often call them hypocrites. If we are honest we all have fallen into this trap. We take and take but fail to give to others. We need to release our reservoir of love to include others into our circle of love.

understand the isolated person. The isolated believes that isolation is the key to life. They believe that their spirit is the key to growth. Although this is true, it’s only part of the truth or in our case 1/3 of the truth. We can become so spiritually minded that we are of no earthly use. Just imagine how isolation can really destroy intimacy. Just think about how neglect of one’s self and of others can cripple your person growth. We need others. We need people. We cannot flow by ourselves and God only. They escape to the “mountain” to find Isolated have often been hurt in the past and now fear relationships. themselves but never come back down from the mountain with faith. We need faith in ourselves. We need faith in God. We need faith in others and most importantly we need faith in intimate, close connections with others. Solitary confinement with you and only God must lead to self-growth and love for others. If this does not happen you will die relationally and have to ask yourself if you are really talking to God.

#4 – No in or out
Spiritually isolated are such positive individuals. This is wonderful but we all need relationships. If you are human you NEED relationships. This must be stressed to really


#5 – No in
Sweet, mother, how selfless she was. We will later have her actually take the test to find out what type of person she truly is but for now we will see how this type of person is. Out of all our characters this person is truly the most noble. True sacrifice can be seen in this person but does that make it ok? Is this person flowing? We need to charge our own batteries. Sure this person is receiving the flow from up and giving it out but they often neglect themselves in the process. This person also is isolated and on a sacrificial island. Often what they give out is less although they feel they are giving all. Let me explain. When we take time for ourselves and our inner flow we often gain more strength to give out. We become more internally balanced and capable of helping others when we gain strength. This person feels like they can neglect themselves and be okay. The often feel that they don’t need anything personally but this is far from the truth. One of the greatest example of this is seen in God. We all know the story of how on the 7 day God rested. He then went further to instill the “Sabbath” day for

us to rest and recharge. The worst thing of all they actually end up spending more time working on the Sabbath because of their involvement at church/temple. They end up breaking their own boundaries. Getting power and inspiration is one thing but taking that and giving it all

away is another. We must keep some for ourselves. We
must develop a real, authentic inner relationship or we will not flow but crash and burn.

Balance is Key

#6 – No up or in
The Naïve person is abused. This type of person does not last for long. This also is a person in desperate need of our help. Giving is wonderful but never receiving is horrible. Living life totally for others is very unbalanced. We can give, give and give until we have no more to give. At this point we literally die with nothing left. We cannot give our time, energy and love away always and never receive. I think you are starting to understand the whole concept of a


flowing balanced person.

This person has no up With no life

don’t know everything and can’t see everything like love and radio waves. Why do we pretend and believe that we know it all? The whole concept of relationships is rooted in the divine God who is the father of us all. We need to respond to that and we do that in relationships. The person who has no up relationships is like a clone. No relational beginning just a scientific experiment start. The robots don’t need relationships but are merely robots, programmed to obey. The Divine DEMANDS that we have freedom to choose and gave us the most powerful computer ever created to make our free choices, our brain. You see the atheist can never really explain the human brain and for sure they can never duplicate it. We need to explore, expand and learn more but never deny any necessary relationship in our lives. This person is not flowing and living in denial. I can only imagine what world That’s what this world monumental discovery this person would make if they only connected up with the Divine. longs for.

relationships and no inner connection.

compass how can you ever expect to grow and flow. Again, it’s wonderful to give and you even receive some Joy out of it but it cannot last forever. breakdown is just a matter of time. Total self-

#7 – No up
Show me proof they say. If I cannot see it I will not believe. The question is can you see love? The atheist or as I like to call them the humanist is totally invested in things here on earth. At a glance this person seems to have it all right. Love, security and significance must have their roots in us, others but also the Divine, the master designer, the force of good in life. We all know that relationships are it. We all agree that without relationships we fail in life. Where does this concept come from? If we believe that we are some cosmic accident then where is the “relationship” in that. Our logic then begins to fail and our humanistic pride begins to swell to unbalanced proportions. We really


#8 – No up or out
Infants cry because they are babies. Their crying is all about getting what they want. This person cries for the same reason. When we have no time for anyone else but me, myself, my shadow and I we are not flowing. This self-centered person eventually has a collapse that is so internal that no one on the outside even knows and can see to help. This is an inside job of huge proportions. We can actually start to believe our little lies that say preserve self at all costs, even at self-costs. Don’t get on your high horse. I believe this type of person lives in all of us, our inner child. With all the amazing “self-help” books and materials out there we often fall into this trap of just focusing on the inward relationship and neglecting the up and out. These are great and wonderful but remember, only part of the puzzle, one third to be exact. Sometimes that inner child just needs a spanking.

flowing and balanced was integrated into society though the medium of religion, especially here in the U.S. With the collapse of religion and now living in a post-religious era we often feel confused about flowing because we feel religion has let us down. This has brought confusion to the flow including self. We are now literally just trying to find ourselves again, our inner child. With this collapse has emerged a plethora of excellent self-help material to try to gain our balance once gain. The problem arises when selfrelationship is elevated as the only key to life. This is false. We must develop all three key relationships to flow. The evidence is always clear without a balance of up, in and out we always fail. Just stop for a second and really begin to understand this concept. Start to believe it because we all know it’s true. Healthy, relevant relationships will always be in search for the truth. The truth will always set us free if we accept it. So now that you have seen all 8 characters what do your

Lastly, in the past the healthy things to do in life were wrapped up and packaged in religion. Being healthy,

think? Stop for a moment and wonder. What if everyone saw their life, their actions as clearly as this. I know I have


spent most of my life in confusion. Who am I? Where have I come from and where I am I going? What is my purpose in life? You can now see that RELATIONSHIPS are the vehicle we all need to ride. Remember, life is as easy as the decisions we make on a daily basis. Let’s start making the right ones. Let’s imagine a life, a world with love and not war. The bridge of love to others must never be burned. It all starts with us, today. What will you do today? Who will you call tomorrow? The greatest thing we will ever do on earth is to love and be loved in the most difficult thing, being in healthy, authentic, relevant relationships. We can do it and we will!


Secrets of the FLOW
Are you flowing? Test

1. 2. 3. 4.

Examine yourself to see if you are in the flow. Are you flowing? Be honest with yourself. Life is about changing and growing.




Chapter 7 Secrets of the FLOW
Life is a journey, a constant process.

Start to think of who you are. Yes, I am a naïve person. Yes, I am damned up. Yes, I am self-centered. Start to be real. Start to be honest. Venture out and grab yourself. Now start to tell someone, there’s power in telling. There is power in words. Words can build up and words can tear down. Your words will start to create something unique, honest and powerful in your life. Speak it. Tell you best friend, “I am a self centered person”. Remember, a true, honest friend will also see this in you and keep you accountable to change. But, it MUST come from you first, the instigator. We now start to DO healthy acts of kindness, kindness to yourself, kindness to others and kindness to God. At this stage of doing we start to examine our emotions and past hurts and fears. We will honor our emotions but not let them affect our doing. We will need help in this stage. Engagement of our minds is the key. With many, wise counselors we can logically make healthy decisions to DO THE RIGHT thing. Don’t forget our life goal of being in relevant, healthy relationships fostering growth and

So, who are you? What has the test revealed? Don’t tell me, you’re an isolated. What, you are an unhealthy! I know we all wanted to be that healthy person. By now you have a pretty good idea of what type of person you are. You can see what general area you fit in. Remember, this type of profiling is so new no one will really grasp the significance of it but you. One thing is for sure, you know who you are. You may have never really known how you are but you are the only person who can trace back and remember your life. You can start to see how the decisions you made brought you to this moment. This is time for self-examination and honesty. Change comes from within-New awareness/understanding 1. What we think/believe (Faith) becomes what we speak 2. What we speak becomes what we do 3. What we do becomes habit 4. Our habits become our character 5. Our character is who we are, one of the 8 characters


receiving the power to do it. When I was a child my father taught me the parable of the sticks. One stick alone can easily be broken but a cord of three is not easily broken. A bundle of sticks are un-breakable. Doing the right thing, doing the truthful thing now becomes habit. We are in fact on a journey of freedom to be intimate, to listen, in search of the truth to solve life’s problems for personal joy. Habit’s always got a bad wrap. Habits need to be made in life. When we run from intimacy (people), the right thing, we develop bad habits, evil philosophies about life. We are now all about developing the good habits like LISTENING to others and honoring them. Eventually, character is formed and we start to thrive. We are now known as the healthy person. People come to us for advice because they know we will listen to them. We are there for them. This is flowing. We START flowing now, today by thinking about who we are. Yes, I am an isolated. This small step is flowing. As you continue to flow the river gets faster and faster, larger and larger but all rivers started from a trickle. They start

from a source. They start now this very moment. I am a flowing river of fulfillment. You are a flowing in love. Remember, we can get our “blood flowing” and live in denial and anger or we can flow in love and thrive. Listing your flow stoppers can be life changing. Here we make a list of ides, beliefs, actions or lack of actions that stop the flow in our lives. With your cooperation and help of others you can identify your flow stoppers. We can then trace them back and really get to understand them. When understanding comes we can then start to make small focused steps to adjust. Flowing is so amazing. Once you start to flow you can really feel it. With flowing you get a sense of accomplishment in you life. You are literally flowing forward, growing, expanding your circle of love and being intimate in relevant, authentic relationships connected to powerful community. That’s living. That’s the balance of the FLOW. Now, instead of running from your problems you run toward your relationships to solve your problems. You are not afraid anymore and most importantly you trust again.


unrealistic stigma attached to seeing a therapist. In ancient Building and strengthening is a key to flowing; strengthening the weak but building on the strengths is the focus. Identify your strengths, the things you do well when it comes to flowing and build. We might do certain things great but they are not strengths unless they promote flowing. For example, we might be good at screaming and yelling at employees but that is a bad strength, a weakness. We might really be good at mentoring employees but we can always learn to be better. We all need to eventually be excellent in mentoring and coaching. This is flowing to the max. Remember life is a journey, a process of flowing and growing. Getting help from others is an awesome way to promote you personal flow. Personal counselors and coaches are so amazing! I know some of us are fearful but we must reach out and get the professional help we need. Sometimes our close circle of love can motivate us but often times we need to pay professionals to help us. This can get expensive but we must invest in our flow, our future. Today there is an Flow networks can boost your self-confidence and increase your flow. groups are These type of networks or small Weekly flow networking is times only royalty was given this benefit. The more counselors you had the greater your riches and power. Today we have literally everything at our finger-tips. We must take advantage of the 21st century.

so powerful.

key to accountability and growth. Inside these meetings one can really learn to trust, connect and grow. Sometimes isolated we feel like we are the only ones in the world facing challenges. Being in these groups gives us the insight and strength to VICTORY! Intimate connections are made as you meet weekly for snacks and letting the others know what’s happening in your life. This fosters amazing transformation in you life. This is flowing! You will find yourself calling the individuals in your group weekly for connection, for strength.


Let’s look at the big picture. Remember, it’s all about believing, speaking/writing and doing. Powerful, amazing things happen when we believe. In an instant a spark is set that will be the defining moment in our life. The seed of faith is planted. A vision and dream is birthed in you and it must come out. We then start to talk about it and really get excited. Don’t forget this is the water stirring inside and eventually it will flow out of us like a gushing river of living water. We then start to plan and prepare. At this crucial point we often get frustrated and doubt. This is where we need to kick it into high gear and step out of the boat and DO SOMETHING. Never but never give up. You are the commander and chief. You will believe, you will speak and you will do something about it. You will and you will flow. Let it flow! Lastly, I feel so strong about this book that I am willing to do what ever it takes to help others reach their flow. Please feel free to email me anytime. I will read your email and respond, even if I have to hire a full time staff to help me. I know how it feels to be totally helpless and deep in

depression wanting to just end it because no one cared. I CARE for you and I LOVE you. If the whole world rejects you, I will not reject you. By God’s grace and help, I will try my best to never leave you or forsake you and our new relationship.

Finding Love or War That is Life….



1. Upward flow: The Divine
A. Mentor B. Support group 1. Church/temple 2. Counselor/Therapist C. Meditation and prayer D. Spiritual teachings E. Journaling F. Fasting

2. Inward flow: Me
A. Health 1. Eating 2. Exercise 3. No Addictions 4. Hugs, kisses, affection 5. Dr. Visits 6. Dentist B. Finances 1. Budgets 2. Saves Money 3. Get out of debt 4. Gives C. Relationships/Intimacy 1. Listens 2. Communicates 3. Quality/Quantity time 4. Family time 5. Conflict resolution D. Morals

1. Does the right thing E. Education 1. Finish School 2. Advanced learning F. Vacation G. Personal time/hobbies H. Difficult times (supports others and receives support from others) 1. Births and deaths 2. Sickness and diseases 3. Addictions 4. Breakups 5. Tragedies

3. Outward flow: Others
A. Mentor 1. Work 2. Home B. Charity 1. Financially 2. Other C. Volunteer D. Give blood E. Vote F. Be kind