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Let it Flow!

The Birth, Death and Resurrection of Relationships

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Let it Flow!

Forward……………..................Life, Death & Resurrection

Introduction…………………………..Finding Love or War

Chapter 1…………..……...…………..Relationships are #1

Chapter 2………...……...Tragedy shakes our comfort zone

Chapter 3………...…….……..Relationship 1 - Ponder Up

Chapter 4………………………..Relationship 2 - Focus


In

Chapter 5…………..…………..Relationship 3 - Look Out

Chapter 6………..…….…………..Are you Flowing? - Test

Chapter 7……………..………………...Secrets of the Flow

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FORWARD

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Forward my mother and it was the only thing I could cling to after
Birth, Death & Resurrection of Relationships her death. I held on for a few months but the total
abandonment I felt overpowered me. It overpowered every
The pain is sometimes too much when I see Dimitri single relationship that I had. I see that happening to
dying, physically, no. I ‘m not talking about his health but Dimitri and what’s worse is it’s fresh every time. Ever
him dying relationally. You see Dimitri’s mother and I are time I come to visit. Thank God, Grace is only one years
separated. When I come to visit he knows I have come to old but Dimitri, he’s three and helpless. I threw my
eventually leave again. He doesn’t like it when I leave. He mothers medallion out the window that day while dad was
needs his father. He needs me to stay and not leave. He driving, only months after mom died. Oh, the person I
ignores me for a few minutes and pretends I mean nothing hated…my mother and the jerk, none other than, God
but then runs in my arms and says, “daddy, I love you”, “I Himself.
love you Dimitri!” He’s protecting himself. When I look
and see this, I see myself. I see Teddy and it reminds me of Growing up in a large family is great. You always have
how I died when my mother died. I ‘m afraid that Dimitri friends and you always have money when you need it. You
will repeat what I went through in life. also have a fifth in a b-ball game, and have bragging rights
to winning. We were dysfunctional, but, hell, we were sure
As we drove down the road, I secretly opened the back athletic. Mom was literally the infrastructure of our home.
window and chucked mom’s special medallion out on to When Mom died everything fell apart, especially Dad but
the passing road. I hate her, and you, you’re a he was good at hiding it. He still likes to hide to this day.

jerk. That day, Teddy died. The medallion was special to To his credit and our PUSHING he is improving. I of
course felt like mom loved me the most and that I was her

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favorite. I look more like a, Spaniard than a Greek. She learned not to trust adults, not to trust parents, not to trust
reminded me often. When you grow up, Teddy you will be God, not to trust RELATIONSHIPS. The silence was
great. You can be whatever you want even the president if becoming confusing. The “don’t talk about it” rule was set
you like. Mom was my life, my breath. She was the only in motion and we all obeyed. Dad’s excuse was, God will
person that stood up for me. She stood tall and proud by take care of it but he was talking out of pain and denial. He
her son, her “hito” her “mijo” When she left for the hospital had no outlet. He couldn’t talk about it himself, let alone
that night, she was upset at me. She scolded me and sent with us. The times he did it sort of made things worse.
me to my bed. I was sneaky but she always knew what I Coming to this country as an immigrant totally isolated him
was up to. When she came back from the hospital, I would from what he knew as a boy growing up in Greece. At
make it up to her. I always made it up to her. There is night in Southern Greece, Sparta, under the deep blue
nothing like a mother’s love and when it dies nothing can
replace it.

We waited and waited but mom never cam home.


Eventually, we went to visit mom at the hospital. Finally,
we were going to see something good. We would be happy
and see mom and the new baby. Everything was going to
be okay. To my horror these were all lies and worst of all Mediterranean sky we talked. We opened up with friends
mom was involved. I would find this out later. By now my and family. In those days we all lived close by and we all
mother was in an irreversible coma, that’s what the doctor’s talked. Cousins, nieces, nephews, sons, daughters, parents,
said, never to return. We, I understood nothing but quickly we all loved to open up and express ourselves. Here in the

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U.S. things were drastically different. Things were fast and stop them from making a nest. The rush felt good. As my
many times RELATIONSHIPS were put on hold. I feel defenses were awakened I would start to feel okay. The
sorry for Dad, sorry for myself but really sorry for Dimitri.
A.N.T.S. or automatic negative thoughts were like my
Did I tell you I named my son after my father, Dimitri.
salvation. As they flowed through my body, in and out of
my mind, I not only entertained them but, gladly welcomed
The plot thickens. Nothing could prepare me for what I,
them to stay. They spoke to me. How could my mom leave
as a thirteen-year-old boy was about to hear. Mom, Mom
me? How lazy is she to want to quit and go live easy in
all I could hear was talk of mom. I gently, excitedly drew
heaven. Doesn’t she care for me? Doesn’t she know I
near to Dad as he proudly spoke of mom’s “last words”.
need her? Doesn’t she love me? I hate her! I hate her!
Paula dear, the doctor says you will die if we try and
She is a jerk and I will never, ever trust anyone ever again.
deliver the baby. The Doctor advised my father that the
She lied, she lied, she, lied to me. She promised to be there
baby would die in order for mom to live. Dad was to relay
for me, to stand with me and to love me forever. I hate her
the message to mom. Then it came, words that not only
guts! Yes, Teddy, you hate her and everyone else. You
horrified me but, pushed me from confusion to anger, to
don’t need them. You don’t need anyone.
hatred, to that “bitch”. “I don’t care if I die, let the baby
live.” Those were my mother’s last words. Dad was
Wow, brother Dimitri (father), is there anything I can do
proud. I was mad. Dad was inspired. I was defeated.
for you? Brother, Herndon was a great help to our family
Then it happened. It was like someone released a million
especially when Mom died. He stood there listening to my
ants because I could feel then crawling up my legs, up my
father trying to lend support. Then Dad said something that
back and all around my head. It has been said, you can’t
literally put the nail in the coffin, my coffin. Dad’s next
stop the birds from flying around your head but you can

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statement solidified the start of my death, my relational ever have a relationship with anyone the rest of my life.
death. Dad was speaking out of pain and denial trying to That day, I died. 21 years later after only 4 years my
understand. He was trying to make sense of it all. Well, marriage died. This tragedy shocked me to my core. But
brother Herndon, God gives and God takes away. That’s just like the electrical shock of doctor’s instruments trying
what I heard, dad say. So now I see how it works. God to revive a patient, the intense pain awakened me out of my
took my mother. No! Worse! They worked this out sleep, out of my death. Today, for the first time in my life
together. She asked to abandon Teddy and God said, yes, since age 13 I again began to live.
that’s good, abandon Teddy. Yes, I’ll take you home to
me. That’s wonderful. I will have you now for eternity This book is about my resurrection, my journey of
and Teddy will have no one. What a monster! growth and flowing back into the river of relationships. I
am now on a quest, a quest to make sure Dimitri (my son)
Those months leading up to, and after my Mother’s death and Grace (my beautiful daughter) never die but live
were painful but the A.N.T.’s became my friends. The ants forever in the bliss of family and relationships. My dream
were the only ones I could trust anymore. They were there is that they live in the loving arms of their father’s (and
for me, every time. The ants would never let me down and mother’s) relationship but also enjoy the true unconditional
for 21 years served me faithfully until the day I was alive love of their “true” father. This is my new life. This is my
again. Throw that piece of shit medallion out the window. resurrection.
Mom means nothing to us anymore. It’s now just us, me,
myself, my shadow and I. My ego relationship was now And just so you know, their mother lived with this dead
king and the ants were my counselors. I threw the person, me for four long, hard years. Imagine living with
medallion out the window and vowed that day to never, someone that long thinking, this person isn’t listening to a

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word I am saying. Imagine living with a person who thinks RUTHY
he is king, a person who is only trying to get and never
give. That was Me. She lived in this hell, my hell and to
her I dedicate this book. My hope is to one day be healthy
enough to offer her and others the gift of true friendship, a
true honest relationship. To be able to say and mean it, “if
there is anything I can do let me know. If you ever need
help please call me. You can count on me. I will be there
for you.”

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My co-author, my sister, Ruthy also recently became
alive. When we were younger, Ruthy relied on me as
being her “older brother, ”her “protector” the one she
wanted to spend time with, and get approval from.
We had fun, but, usually at her expense, emotionally,
and at my gain. For instance, I would regularly
promise her that if she did my chores, we would “go
skating” or “have ice cream together.” Well, selfish
Teddy used and abused Ruthy especially after Mom
died. He never really spent quality time with Ruthy
unless she did some chore, or action to get his time.
Teddy and Ruthy are 2 ½ years apart, and should
have been “best sibling friends.” Ruthy’s hunger for
intimacy was so strong it lead her to go after what,
Teddy did. He played tennis, she was played, and
might I say had “golden” matches in high school and
college. He went for law enforcement; she did too,
and has thrived to this day. He wanted to be a
lawyer, but, she pursued it. Hey TED!!!!! YOU ARE
DOING IT AGAIN!!!! LET ME SPEAK FOR
MYSELF!!!”

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Okay, this is Ruthy speaking now. Yes, I too have been because Ted is a freaking cool person. We are both a
relationally, “dead” for 21 years, but, I somewhat bit odd, but in a fun way. I don’t think I was as
learned that “FRIENDS” are resources. I used my affected by the death of our Mom like Ted was, but, I
friends in a way to feel more “normal.” I learned this was affected greatly by the back-lash. Anyhow, it’s
well from, Teddy. I never truly opened up to them crazy how a woman’s relationships with men are
but, I was smart enough to let them open up to me to sometimes tied into her relationships with her
gain a community. Unfortunately, my friends brothers and Father. I never believed that “crap” (so
eventually became healthy adults, and recognized in I thought) before, but, today, alive and growing…..I
me that I was a phony. I never was true to them or do. My Father, brothers and I have always had good
myself. They still loved me, and, thank my lucky relationships with each other, except we didn’t really
stars, they stood by me all of these years, knowing I get to know each other as adults. We didn’t take
was a relationship phony, but, loving the few real advantage of the fact that we could have been great
moments I slipped up, and gave them…. and friends. We didn’t talk about emotions or problems.
surprisingly being forgiving, and understanding my I never realized until now that they were all in so
“secret pain.” I lost my marriage, seven years ago much pain after my mom died that we never really
due to a lack of authenticity on both parties. I did not developed a live adult relationships with each other.
acknowledge that lack on my part until 6 months ago We didn’t know how to open up and be vulnerable
when I developed a real “alive” relationship with and real. Today, my brothers are my best friends. I
Ted. Shockingly, healing my relationship with my feel like I can be myself with them without fear that I
brother started the healing process in all of my will be judged or rejected. This is the goal of healthy
relationships past and present. It’s kind of cool relationships. I just turned 33 years old, and I know

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that it is not, it is NEVER too late to form an
authentic relationship. I can do it, YOU CAN DO
IT!

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For to those bound by their past and

courageous enough to work through and

overcome. May you fly free and experience a

future of love, security and significance, a life of

FLOWING authentic, relevant, healthy


relationships.

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to change this. The point is we of course want these fruits
Introduction of relationships quick and now with no strings attached.

Relationships…Finding Love Or War


Tell me that’s not the way our society has gone. We all
Theodocio want things instantly. We don’t “spend” time anymore.
We rush though life. We rush through relationships trying
to suck all we can from them before we drop them. That is
not flowing. Let’s get back to the book. Just for starters
Life is about finding. What are you finding? What are you
this book is not about a quick fix to all life’s problems.
looking for? Doesn’t it seem life is that way? I hope to
This book is about flowing in relationships for a life-time in
find the answer to my problems. I hope to find a good job.
order to enjoy the love, security and significance we all
I hope to find my soul mate. I hope to find out why she
cherish and need. We believe RELATIONSHIPS are life
doesn’t love me. I hope. We are all looking and searching
and death to this. This is the relationship factor. Being in
for something. Some are after money. Some are looking
relationships long-term will give you the tools needed to
for fame and power. Okay, stop and think. What are you
succeed and live an amazing life. We have called our
after in life? What’s your life in search of? What are the
book relationship river, flowing into you destiny.
important things to you? What seems to always be getting
your attention? I want to suggest we should be looking for
The Relationship Factor
relationships and in the process finding true success and
Think about all the problems we have. Why can’t we seem
happiness. All of us are looking for love, security and
to get it going and flow in our destiny? Ever wonder what
significance. These are bottom-line basic for everyone.
the root problem is? Are our problems really in us or
Culture, religion, ethnicity and other like factors don’t seem
between us? Does it have to do with a lack of real,

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authentic relationships? Stop and think right now. How work. Just so you know, this book is about putting in “hard
many real relationships do you have now, right now. work” to finding and solving all the flow stoppers in your
Someone you can call in the good times but more life. This is best done in relationships. We are not about
importantly in the bad times. Do you have friends that can solving symptoms to make your feel good for a moment
totally rely on you to be there? Do you have friends you but then see you suffer forever because the problem is not
can count on to be there for you? Without relationships our solved. We are about finding and solving the problem, the
problems seem to compound and become larger than they relationship problem. This is where true victory is. We
really are. If you are like me I have few of these dynamic mentioned “hard work”. We define the principles of hard
connections and am in desperate need of more, more work as time, energy and love.
relationships. I can guarantee you that every single
problem that we face as an individual, a nation and a world Keys to success: “Hard work” in RELATIONSHIPS
from poverty, to education to HIV is a direct result of a 1. Time – Represents your RESOURCES
lack or failure of a relationship. A relationship of growth 2. Energy – Represents you, SPIRIT, SOUL AND BODY

and accountability literally is the difference between failure 3. Love- Represents your positive ATTITUDE

and success in most cases. In some times and places it can


be life and death. For instance Oprah is that relationship in Time represents your resources. Energy represents you, all
Africa. She is the difference that is trying to educate and of you spirit, soul and body. Lastly, love represents your
enlighten those regarding poverty and AIDS. Her efforts to attitude, which must be positive. All three of these
relate are making a large impact in that world. Bono with variables: your resources, you and a positive attitude are
his ONE campaign is doing the same. But this is not as necessary for this book, this guide of your life to be
easy as it sounds. They put their lives into this righteous complete. Without them, this is just another book. With

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them this amazing book, this map of your life will show There are three major types of relationships that will
you the big picture of relationships. Your big picture can propel you into this flowing river of fulfillment. Every
help you understand your life and your relationships. It relationship you will ever have is wrapped up in these
will show you who you are and where you are at when it three: the upward relationship, the inward relationship and
comes to relationships. With this new gained insight the outward relationship. Stop and think about these three
finding and solving life’s problem’s becomes relationships for a moment. This could be your first step to
uncomplicated. It will not be easy but it will be clear. With unlocking the success of life. You must have faith and
a clear vision of the future, a deep understanding of the past believe that relationships are your keys to life.
and a realistic step now you are ready to ride the river
of relationships. Life is about the next 30 minutes. Stop and 1. Upward – Ponder up
focus all your attention on relationships for the next 30 3 RELATIONSHIPS: 2. Inward – Focus in
minutes. Remember, the whole purpose of this book is that 3. Outward – Look out
you are engaged in COMMUNITY and thriving in
RELATIONSHIPS. This is THE KEY to life, the key to I hope you get as excited as I do when I see them. When
solving problems, the key to flowing, finding and growing. we can clearly see these three we become aware and are
Here we are totally baptized in love, security and empowered to make changes in our lives; changes to our
significance. We are flowing. thinking, changes to our way of life, changes to our
relationships. We all need to change, to grow, to
Flowing in its purest sense is all about strengthen our lives and really begin to listen, live and to
Intimacy, Closeness & Connection
love! We must stress the importance of hard work but at

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the same time the power of small, focused steps. In the end We are literally living in the past as we play the Memorex
we all know what to do. We all know what is right; healthy tapes of the past then make decisions for today. We need
relationships. The question is are we doing it? Remember, to honor the feelings of the past. We also need to deal with
the road to decline and destruction is paved with “good the decisions we made and the consequences but not let
intentions” not “good actions”. There is nothing grand or those feelings trap the decisions of today. I must be who I
genius, nothing new under the sun. Our goal is not to trick am because of who I am not because of someone else. We
you with some mumbo jumbo but to see you do it, get trapped in life and worst of all we start to develop bad

make it happen, to see you FLOW. and evil philosophies but this is not reality. We must stop
playing the tapes of the past and be courageous. We need
the courage to find the love in life and not the wars of our
Love – Security – Significance
past. I know past fears and hurts are telling you that you
Lastly, we must live now, flow now. What do I mean by cannot live now, for today and get intimate in relationships
this? We can choose to live two ways, live now or but that’s a lie. Lies always die but good things never
Memorex in the past. Our basic human needs are love, die. The good thing, the great idea is that you can be
security and significance. As we move towards these in courageous and look beyond your past. You can be
daily decisions with-in intimate relationships we often get intimate and connect. You can flow in meaningful, fruitful
hurt and then fear. Intimacy and relationships now become relationships and you can live for today and for your
fearful, hurtful points in our lives. We then try to find amazing future! Let it flow!
love, security and significance in other destructive ways
not in personal relationships. This causes even more hurt Finding Love or War……that is life…
and fear. We then live from hurt to hurt and fear to fear.

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CHAPTER

ONE

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Chapter 1 about connecting and finding meaning and purpose in all
Relationships are Number One our relationships, upward, inward and outward. There is a
“sweet spot” in life, you’re in the zone, it is a mystical
balance between you, others and the divine. It’s what
Relationships are it not the rat race. Relationships make we call flowing.
your flow in life not the rat race. The rat race you
remember it running to and fro going nowhere. Sound Remember, the failure always starts with a relationship
familiar, sound like your LIFE? You many think your life failure. The rat race has failed us in life. We have failed in
is flowing but don’t even think the rat race is flowing. I life. Stop and get real for a second and think. We have
think we are all wise enough to realized that, “whoever dies failed ourselves. We have failed others. Our schools have
with the most toys wins” philosophy is the “rat race”. failed. We have failed to stop poverty and HIV. We have
Stepping on others to get to the top is the “rat race”. failed our children and drugged them up. We are literally
Your lust for power is the rat race. Your narcissistic view living in the “great depression”. One in three young boys is
of the world is the rat race. Remember, in the rat race the hooked on drugs that stunt their growth and cause heart
rats are always winning, not you. You are bound to run on attacks. One in every three women is hooked on anti-
your wheel, trapped in your philosophical cage of life. You depressant drugs. An explosion of the drug “METH” might
run, run and run only to get tired, go nowhere and in the have been the final blow. We, sadly to say have FAILED.
end drop dead of running, not flowing! Sadly, life is full of We have failed in life because we have failed in
rat’s ready to take your place on the wheel only to end the RELATIONSHIPS. This book is about a re-birth of
same. The rat race is not about relationships. It’s about relationships in ourselves, in society and in the world.
using relationships for greedy, evil purposes. Flowing is When relationships flourish, awareness and growth

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flourish. Relationships must be our top priority in life. your best friend, that’s flowing. Just like a free flowing
This is when people are the most important. Life is river of clean crisp water, your whole body, your life, your
precious and can only truly be lived when people are whole existence just seems to flow. As you gain
connected in relationships. We only then begin to start to momentum the rush you feel is like the rush of water
flow again in life and live and love. This is true flowing, searching, seeking, trying to gain more ground.
enlightenment! That’s flowing. Flowing is your divine destiny; it is your
“soul mate” of purpose. Flowing is being connected to
others, all the time. Flowing is doing the right thing always
and being and feeling loved. The greatest thing we will
ever do here on earth is to love others and be loved in
authentic relationships. That’s flowing.

What is Flowing? We all dream of flowing. There is


nothing like time out at starbucks with loved ones sipping
your cappuccino and relaxing, that’s flowing. You are in
that hot steamy bubble bath, relaxing and reading your
Relationships are number one. They must be number one
favorite book, that’s flowing. Spending time listening to
in your life if you ever expect to flow, flow into your

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amazing life of destiny and fulfillment. Just as a river not easy putting in the time, energy and love to make
needs water to flow we need it also. The human body is relationships flourish. We must believe and put in the
made up of 85% water. As we connect in healthy, relevant effort. Although others things in your life may require
relationships that’s the “water” needed for our rivers to minimal effort to enjoy them relationships need dedication
flow. Think about this statement, your problems in life and commitment for them to flow. You will not enjoy the
are not in you but between you: you, others and the fruit of relationships unless you prepare the ground, plant
divine. Maybe you should stop and call mother who you the seeds, water the seeds, wait for harvest and then harvest
haven’t spoken to in years. How about your spouse you the fruit. This is a far cry from most of our “one night”
have been fighting with. I believe it’s time we reach out stands, “one year” stands or if we are honest our “five year”
and make that connection real again. This is flowing. stands. You can live with someone day in and day out but
Flowing in and out of intimate relationships gaining be a million miles away.
momentum, gaining insight for life’s challenges. Without
relationships we lack the “water” to flow. Relationships Levels of Maturity
are our vehicle and we are ready to flow. Remember, the 1.Get Stage- Infants
2.Give to GET Stage– Most Adults
relationship factor will be that amazing difference in your
3.Get to Give Stage– Flowing, healthy person
life.

So why is this so difficult? There are three levels of


Although studies have shown that relationships are the
maturity in life that pertain to relationships that will give us
key it doesn’t mean that everyone is in pursuit of healthy,
some insight. The basic level of maturity in relationships
relevant relationships. The hardest thing we will ever do
is the GET stage. Here it’s easy to see where all the time,
here on earth is be in healthy, relevant relationships. It’s

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energy and love are going. Infants GET their bottles when The last stage is the GET to GIVE stage. At this stage
they cry. Infants GET their diapers changed when they because of our strong, relevant, intimate relationships we
cry. At this stage you only GET what you cry for, nothing are FREE to give. It’s now a privileged to give because all
less, nothing more. Individuals at this stage in a of our needs and wants are already being fulfilled by all our
relationship are limited to the benefits they cry for. Babies flowing relationships. At this stage we frequently enjoy
are excused because they are born into a narcissistic view special benefits that we never expected. Our giving is with
of life. They from conception are literally the center of the no strings attached and this touches the hearts of people.
universe in the womb. Their whole world expands from Here we are free to offer the gift of friendship. I’m here for
themselves to out and others. Eventually we grow out of you. Call me any time. I’ll be there for you. You can
this stage. count on me. This connects us with others and gives more
time, energy and love back to us, back to our flowing river.
The next stage of maturity in relationships is the GIVE to But remember it takes the initial hard work to make these
GET stage. At this stage we give certain things to get types of relationships. This doesn’t come naturally. We
other things. We give $2 at the market to get apples. Here naturally only care for our “ego relationship”, me, myself,
we (selfishly) GIVE our time, energy and love to GET my shadow and I. We must invest the time, energy and
things. Most individuals in this type of relationship tolerate love. In the end we will be more happy and fulfilled in our
this level because they feel like the have earned something lives. We will begin to thrive and prosper.
like, respect, love and acceptance. But, sadly this level is
limited to the benefits they expect to receive. Here
relationships breakdown because of unmet expectations.

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who will I call. We instinctively think of a person, a

What we all Need relationship, someone who we can lean on and cry on their
shoulder. If we don’t have that support system we then go
1. Love – 4 Types
A. Agape-love………..(Spiritual) to a vise to satisfy our relationship needs but this is not
B. Eros-love………….(Sexual)
healthy. We must strive to solve our problems within
C. Philos-love………...(Friendship)
D. Storge-love……......(Family, blood related) relationships not with vises like harmful drugs and alcohol.
Take a close look at this next chart. We can see how love,
2. Significance – My life is unique and I am making a
positive DIFFERENCE in the world. significance and security needs to be woven into the fabric
(Spirit, Soul, Body) of our being. We can trace every
3. Security – I am who I am because of who I am
decision in our lives back to an attempt to try to satisfy one
of these needs. This will be more evident when we take the

Our deepest needs as human beings are love, significance test. We then can adjust our behavior to effectively and

and security. These are the foundational inspirational efficiently maximize our results.

forces of our entire lives. The decisions we make on a


daily basis will be in an attempt to SATISFY these life So, we know that relationships are our biggest challenge

needs. We run into trouble internally when we try to here on earth. This doesn’t stop us from dreaming of

satisfy these needs illegitimately. These needs can only finding our “soul mate” and wandering blissfully in to the

truly be met and satisfied in healthy, relevant sunset. Whether it’s a relationship at home, work, with a

RELATIONSHIPS. Often we are down and in need of spouse or friend, we all thrive to be loved. The greatest

support. Our first thought is who will I go to for help or

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Our Make-up: Spirit + Body = Soul believe the lies that say money can buy happiness? Money
can’t buy authentic relationships. Good looks can’t buy
1. Spirit – The breath of the Divine
flowing relationships, neither fame, power or influence.
2. Soul – The "Heart" of a person
This is an internal thing. Every single person is a diamond.
A. Mind - Thoughts
B. Will - Decisions We all have a depth of beauty and eternal value. This is
C. Emotions – Passion/Feelings
only revealed when we take the time to listen and enjoy the
3. Body – The “dirt” 5 trace elements, 5 senses inner person. We often only look a the outward appearance
A. Sight - Eyes
and fail to see the real beauty inside of others. How we
B. Taste - Tongue
C. Touch – Our entire body have lost out. I think you get the point. As humans we
D. Smell - Nose
must communicate and stretch ourselves to bond with
E. Hear - Ears
others. This takes time, energy and love, it can’t be faked.

thing we will ever do is love others and be loved by others. Individuals want connections. We all long for connection.

This happens in relationships. Meeting of the minds is We want someone to listen, and validate us. What use is it

great but our souls long for those heart to heart if we gain the whole world but lose our soul mates along

connections. How amazing is it when a friend or relative the way. I think we all can agree that life without

tells you how much you have touched their life and helped relationships is a rat race with the rats winning. With

them through tough times. Can you feel the love? This joy that in mind our whole focus of this book will be how to

of life, this wonderful thing called relationships transcends honor, nurture and build our relationships in our lives. I

everything in life. Whether you are rich or poor the playing believe that is where true happiness and success thrives. In

field is even. Both must work to enjoy this fruit. Do we fact, we will call this Relationship River. The question is,
are you in the flow? Is your river flowing?

23
Basic Communication
1. Listening – We all need to listen better
2. Affirmation – Understanding is key
3. State your intentions - Honesty
4. Solve the issue – Oneness (Flowing Relationship)

24
Secrets of the FLOW
10. Time, energy and love are a must in order for
Relationships are #1 relationships to flourish.

11. Relationships cannot be faked.

1. The most difficult work we will do is be in healthy 12. True relationships are threaded throughout our
relevant relationships. spirit, body and soul.

2. The greatest joy in life is to love others and be 13. True success in life is about connection and
loved by others. intimacy.

3. Success in relationships is being there for someone


and someone is there for you anytime, anywhere,
24/7, 365 days of the year.

4. Listening is always your first life goal.

5. Love, security and significance are our basic human


needs.

6. Our spirit, soul and body long to connect with


others.

7. Life failures are always relationship failures.

8. Your problems are not in you but between you,


others and the Divine.

9. Our natural instinct is to solve life’s challenges


relationally, when this fails we only then go to vise.

25
CHAPTER
TWO

26
Chapter 2 pieces of the puzzle. That’s what life has been up to now,
Tragedy shakes our comfort zone picture perfect, air tight, glued down shut. They wonder
why life sucks and why they don’t have any real

You haven’t talked to mom in years and find out she has relationships? The comfort zone will keep us isolated. The

cancer. You’re off on a plane to visit her and make sure comfort zone says there is no time for friends. The comfort

she is ok. Why is it that tragedy shakes us out of our zone says you are happy but actually you are obliviously to

comfort zone and into the flow zone of relationships? what true happiness is. And why is that, when we are in

Come on this is the story of our lives. And, of course no the comfort zone we usually don’t know it. We are so

one ever admits to being in the comfort zone. We define wrapped up in our small life we are lost in the trees and

the comfort zone as a place of contentment but never real can’t see the forest.

fulfillment. Think of all the severed or broken relationships


Remember the story of the frog. Teddy the frog was forced into boiling
in your life. Think of that friend that you have wanted to
water, he didn’t like it and jumped out instantly. But then Teddy was
catch up with over a cup of coffee. Remember all the
placed into cool water. What the frog didn’t know was that the flame
laughter and tears, the sad stories, the joy. Why is it that was turned on very little. The frog comfortably stayed inside the
only an “act of God” could get both together again? That’s warming water and eventually boiled to death. He got used to the
where true fulfillment will come from, renewed bonding rising water temperature even to the extent of his own death. The
comfort zone is the killer zone. The water represents the flow zone of
and connection. The comfort zone is a place of temporary
life. The flame represents flow stoppers. When we don’t have intimate
contentment. Think of the type of person trapped in the
relationships we get stuck in the waters, don’t flow and eventually die
comfort zone. It’s when life is a puzzle and you know relationally which stops our flow.
where all the pieces go. In fact, it took them some time to
figure every thing out. Now they have glued down all the

27
The world was shocked. We were shocked. But one thing When comfort zones are shaken we are awakened to see
was for sure. For the first time in years we were spending how important relationships are. Let’s hope and pray it
time, energy and love in relevant, meaningful relationships. doesn’t involve tragedy. In a strange way I believe this is
What “911”, “Katrina”, “The Tsunami” and every other your day, your awakening. I hope you are being energized
disaster revealed was that we can do it. Yes, we can have with faith. Once we realize this we don’t have to wait.
authentic, meaningful, relevant relationships. We can love With time, energy and love relationships will be our
our neighbor. Somehow that mean person at work was awakening to a fresh new world of love, joy and peace.
now a fallen comrade. The fire fighter was our fallen dad. Remember, all of our relationships are vitally important.
The Janitor at work was our superhero. People from Often times we value the peaceful relationships in our lives
seemliness all types of lives, religions and ethnic more than other ones. Part of a real authentic, relationship
backgrounds came together to help each other and love one is the freedom to disagree and agree with disagreement.
another. That’s what it’s all about. That’s what No one likes to or can live life surrounded by “yes men”.
relationships are all about. That my friend is flowing. Our problem is most of us don’t know how to fight fare
within those relationships. We often break off back into
Lastly, we are sorry. Sorry for 911, sorry for Katrina, sorry the land of the comfort zone. But it’s those times of stress
to our friends and family we fail to call and most and friction that diamonds are forged. We must not give in
importantly sorry to our fellow human being for not caring. and give up! So, things happen and all of a sudden we
We must care and connect in relationships. We must take ready to connect and we work through our differences. We
the time, energy and love to go back and repair where we actually start to love and live again. We can all do it now.
have failed. This is flowing. Make a list of loved ones you are not flowing with. Which
one will you have coffee with this week?

28
911 – Tragedy just like the thunder before the rain, it can shake us, stir us

Katrina – Tragedy up to get us back into the flow.

Tsunami – Tragedy
With all humility, understanding, and kindness we say the
following: Yes, many of us lost loved ones, and that pain is
These tragedies proved how much we can love and help
acknowledged, and real. However, those that died, and
others and in turn be blessed. We were shaken out of our
suffered are divine martyrs to us and our relationships.
comfort zones. This self-inward generation suddenly
Sometimes things happen that we may never understand. It
stopped only looking inward and started looking outward in
is at this time that we realize how much we need a
love and upward for answers to why. This awful tragedy
relationship with a loving God, with others and with
brought us back to our flow. The river of relationship
ourselves. We go through death, atrocities, and pain, and
started to flow again and we started to be blessed with
wonder, why. But regardless of the answer God, family
connection.
and friends are there ready to be there for us. When we go
through pain and suffering they suffer with us. That is a
Flowing is as natural as the seasons on the earth. The great
true friend. But, perhaps their death sparked life into their
sky above sends rain. The ground is soaked and gives life.
beloved family members. Perhaps they sparked life
Fruit is produced and we are blessed with food. This is the
globally affecting the masses, and in the end sparked life
flow of nature. We look up to God and we enrich our
and love into humanity. One thing is for sure, relationships
personal lives. Finally, we reach out to bless others. This
were renewed and gained.
is the fruit of relationship just like the rain from above. But

29
We must decide to change now. Half the problem is our credit card debt to “save money”. Unfortunately, the
admitting it. This is the first step to initiating change, to real problem, lack of financial responsibility (gained in a
admit that we fall short in the relationships in our lives. healthy financial counseling relationship) is not solved.
You can do this now, right now, right where you are. We eventually get back into the debt again but this time the
Change starts instantaneous when we do this. This small instant solution or instant change is no longer available.
seed of change can grow into bigger and larger change in We can get serious about getting financial counseling or
our lives. Only you can light the fire of change in your life. keep living in denial and ask someone else to bail us out.
Remember, it only takes a spark to get the fire going. That is not change. This book is about addressing the roots
Never despise simple beginnings and starts. Everything big of all our problems in life, admitting we have them and
once started out small. Growth and maturity take time but slowly, consistently, building our relationships, upward,
they are everlasting. As we start on our journey of growth inward and outward which in turn will be our answers we
we will definitely inspire others and others will get the fire need. We can truly see and visualize that our problems are
from us. One of the most contagious things is a healthy not in us but between us and that’s how they will be solved.
person striving to be in healthy relationships. This is our The great thing is we can do it now without tragedy.
goal.

Lastly, this book is not about instant change. Instant


change will not be sustained long. Instant change is not
based on relationships of time, energy and love but done
because of the lack there of; lack of healthy, meaningful,
relevant relationships. For example, we often re-finance

30
Secrets of the FLOW
Tragedy shakes our comfort zone

1. In life there will always be tragedy.

2. 90% of life is what happens to you. 10% of life is


how you respond to it.

3. You can get bitter or better your choice.

4. We must all learn to respond to tragedy in love not


react in hate.

5. The comfort zone will always hinder the flow zone


of relationships.

6. Flowing is about slowly moving forward not instant


change.

7. Instant change can never be sustained in the long


run this is done through relationships.

8. Crying is as natural as breathing.

31
CHAPTER
THREE

32
Chapter 3 don’t measure up to His heavenly standards. They believe
Relationship #1 – Ponder Up He is up there and we are down here and He doesn’t want
Love seeketh not itself to please, Nor for itself hath any care, But for to have anything to do with us. We obviously believe the
another gives its ease, And build a Heaven in Hell’s despair.
contrary. We believe in a God, a powerful divine that
William Blake
wants to be in a personal relationship with us. We believe
God is the author and finisher of all relationships. And, we
There is more to life you know. We can’t possibly claim
believe in a God that literally died to His freedom to make
to know everything. Socrates said the greatest thing I ever
sure we have freedom. Freedom to be engaged in healthy
learned was how little I know. One thing is for sure there is
relationships which in turn will be our spiritual connection
the Divine. The Divine is the beginning of all things,
to live an amazing life! God’s ultimate goal is that we all
especially relationships. Some call the Divine, God, some
understand our freedom in Him, the freedom He gives us
call the Divine a higher power. What ever you call Him,
and we in turn give back in our relationships. This is our
He must be the embodiment of love and the beginning of
upward relationship.
all relationships. Why believe in God if God isn’t love.
Some of the most miserable people in the world believe in
LOVE – FREEDOM - RELATIONSHIPS
a God who is not love but anger, death and judgment only.
In-fact, the sad thing is that many religions believe that the
Relationships start from the top, flow down into us and
Divine is not love and will not have a personal relationship
then out to others. This is our faith. This faith is a spiritual
with us. They believe in a dictator not an author of
thing that will lead to physical action. Healthy
FREEDOM. They believe in a distant God that is ready to
relationships always require action. You must step out of
hit us on the head with a heavenly hammer because we
the boat to ride the rivers of relationship. We must have a

33
spiritual, a mystical faith in God but also a very practical kind of energy and positive attitude. We all can use a boost
action in our lives that promotes change. and adjustment of our attitudes. Ever notice how our
attitude really affects our daily lives. You can call it faith,

We need to be powerful in word and deed the power of intention or whatever. One man explained
this spiritual high (your positive attitude) as being more
Word
important than any other force in our life. It affects 90% of
Believe in relationships and speak it, our upward
our lives. Or, said this way, 10% is what happens to us,
Deed
90% is how we deal with it. God’s spirit supercharging our
Put action to our belief, our inward and outward relationships
spirit can make the difference in life. With God’s love, we
can deal with what happens to us and thrive. All we need
Time to think, time to ponder that’s what we all need.
to do is be ourselves plain and honest. Yes, be realistic
When we do this we find the spiritual strength to motivate
about the problem but at the same time see your future in
us in life. Our spirit needs to connect with God. When our
God’s positive eye. Remember, God is on your side.
spirit is up we have the motivation to live. Our whole
physical body and mind gets electrified when our spirit is
We don’t need to impress God we just need to connect.
positive. That’s why cheering is so powerful and important
Remember, at this relationship, at this point we just need a
in our lives. You remember the cheer-leaders in high
mental, a spiritual adjustment. It’s all about affecting our
school and the cheer squad. People spend big amounts of
lives not the Divines. And, we must not feel that because
money to hire personal “coaches” for life. Someone who
we have not talked to God in a while than we have ruined
has “spirit” is someone with life and an excitement about
that relationship. No, God does not keep a tally sheet of
themselves. Most people need that and love to feed off that
our failures and then put them in our face. God is

34
anticipating when you and He will meet again, and talk. relationship prayer does it the best. When we ready, study
God remembers your relationship no matter how long or and research about God that’s God speaking to us. Prayer is
short it was. God loves you unconditionally. God is your when we talk to God. We all know that communication is
friend. You can look at God as your personal coach but the foundation to any relationship. Prayer can be a
you will be doing the actual work. God will put the Divine powerful force in your life. This needs to be done
spirit and winning attitude in you. You will work it out in individually, personally but also with others. When done
your life and the lives of others. Oh, by the way, God does with others it can supernaturally create a deeper bond
not belong to any one group or church. God is all of ours. between you and the other person or persons that you are
Those establishments that define God in only their terms praying with. This kind of prayer doesn’t happen
should not do that. God cannot and will not be limited by overnight. It takes trust and openness that can only be
our religious boxes. How selfish is it for one group to feel developed over time.
that they own all of God, and his teachings. No one knows
the full counsel of God. We all prophesy and talk only one Spiritual Communication Skills
part of the puzzle. We say God loves all, and for all to love Step 1: Prayer/Solace – Talking to the Divine
Step 2: Listening/Reading – The Divine speaking to us
and commune with! Connection is possible. Step 3: Singing/Praise – Enjoying spirituality and life

Develop Your Spirit


Meditation is the key to transforming you. It will cause We must communicate with the divine always. There

positive change in your life. Prayer has been called the needs to be a constant communion, a constant flow. We

oxygen of your spirit. Of all things that define your upward can also bolster our efforts by attending the house of God.
Here we make community with others on the same journey.

35
Often we feel more spiritual at the house of God. We feel We all need a mentor. There is always someone higher
that we have left the rat race of life and come into the quite, than us and always someone lower than us. We all need to
peaceful, inspiring presence of God. But we must leave ponder, to look up to someone who can speak life and
with an action plan. A plan to actually grow, to change, to wisdom into our life. This is a huge part of our upward
make a difference in our life and the lives of others. relationship. Our hero’s can often inspire us to do great
things but a mentor can actually see that we do them. We
Fasting not only clears and cleans out your body but also all need that one-on-one accountability in our lives.
your soul and makes you more spiritually sensitive. Many Mentors can see things that our eyes have been blind to for
of us have gone to the spas in the Desert and eaten that years. It’s a keen ability to step outside yourself and see
horrible food. We come back thinner and more focused. you for who you really are. Or even better to judge
Our bodies need a time to relax and recoup. Our minds ourselves the way we judge others. Ouch that hurt. Who
need to be able to take over and be in control instead of are we? We are the person who we think we are. We are
being driven by our addictions like over eating. We spend the person who others think we are. We are really the
this time eating right. Again, we have come so far that this person who God, who our personal, mentor knows we are.
is not the norm any more. We have become so unbalanced That’s growth.
in our bodies that our spirit suffers. We need to get back to
the basics and fasting can get us there. Remember, there Journaling can be a powerful spiritual tool. Some people
was a time when fasting was the norm not the exception of journal just to keep a journal. We can at any times in our
the rich. Fasting combined with prayer is the power we lives go back and read our journal and learn from our past.
need to energize us into action. We can get excited about how much we have grown or see
where we went wrong. Some people just need to write

36
things down and never go back to read them again.
Journaling can be a process of goal setting or new
resolutions in our lives. What ever the case is, there is
power in writing your words, your thoughts, your beliefs,
your “God talk” down on paper. We need to write the
vision down, make it a reality in our spirit because we can
then make it a physical reality in our lives and the lives of
others. Some actually turn there thoughts into books to
share with others. Our spiritual journey may take many
forms and ways but boils down to having connection with
God, the Divine.

37
Secrets of the FLOW
Ponder up

1. The greatest thing I learned was how little I know…


Socrates

2. Relationships flow down into us and out to others.

3. We must speak our faith but our faith must also


have feet.

4. Freedom is our heavenly mandate.

5. God loves you.

6. Prayer is the oxygen of your spirit.

38
CHAPTER
FOUR

39
Chapter 4 responsibility and act. This is not flowing but hiding.
Relationship #2 – Focus In Remember, we think we are the center of the universe.
He who cannot help himself Worst of all we surrounding ourselves with like minds or
Cannot help others
ever worse weaker corrupt minds. We never have any real
friends with real relationships because our sweet bubble
might be burst. A real authentic friend relationship will tell
Your knight in shinning armor is not coming. Ouch that
you the truth and help you grow out of that. We all need to
hurt me. How about this one! Keep dreaming, you will
wake up and smell the starbucks.
not win the lottery. This is the best, “I’m waiting on God
for my miracle”. We call these "words of wisdom",
Personal responsibility for personal actions based on
lazyisms. When you have a world-view that someone personal freedom based on you. God demands that you be
other than yourself will come through for you, we call that free. God will never force you to do anything. Whenever
“not reality”. The first major problem we have in our we are forced into doing what’s right for us it suddenly
inward relationship is, you guessed it, us. I am the because what’s wrong for us. God’s nature demands that
problem. Of course we live in denial for years because it you have total freedom, yes, to do whatever you want to do.
could not possibly be us that is holding us back. Why, Anyone tells you different is not living in reality. Common
because we are God’s gift to the human race or on the other human decency will tell you this. It will also tell you that
extreme we are a “nobody”. What ever the reason we wait as a free agent you will be held accountable to every and all
for others to do for us what we must do for ourselves. So actions of freedom you do/choose. Never believe or think
our evil philosophy poops up. We need to blame someone that you have to do the right thing. You don’t HAVE to
else or something else. We don’t take personal do anything, that’s the pure freedom of the human spirit

40
speaking. Any government, religion, tyrant or other who dumbest thing, I have ever done, this book is stupid”. Did
dares to suppress this freedom will in the end die. No we lose you?
good thing will ever die. The end result will be a totally
healthy you. I am who I am because of who I am; not The question has been asked many times, can one person

because of something or someone else. make a difference in the world. Every one makes a
difference in the world, some bigger than others, some

I am who I am because of who I am more evil than others. We must choose to invest time,
energy and love to make an impact. We all have influence.
Not someone else…
Leadership is influence. How we use that influence will
determine what type of leaders we are and to what extent
Be your own hero. Make a difference in your life. That
we will impact our lives and others. The great thing about
will change the world. Remember, it starts with your
being your own hero is that you are always there and you
attitude. Repeat after me, “I am my hero”. Allowing new,
don’t have to rely on others. Some of the greatest people in
fresh ideas into yourself can change you, change you into a
the world not only made a difference but were written off
flowing river of fulfillment. Say it, speak it to yourself. If
as nobodies. Just remember, the more people say you can’t
you could not say it, try again and say it. You are
do it or you are worthless the more you must press on. By
becoming the champion you are. Okay, if you can’t speak,
nature we are jealous and yes, miserly loves company. One
if you can’t write, then just think it. Think for a moment,
person can make a difference! Just remember: Martin
this is the greatest challenge of your life, of your total
Luther King, Mother Teresa, Jesus Christ, Gandhi and the
existence. I am my hero. My hero is not coming, I have
list goes on. They were people just like you but they
come, I am here. Okay, you are thinking, “this is the
pondered upward, focused inward and then looked

41
outward. They all had failures and disappointments but things to do in life are the hardest. Don’t cheat yourself
turned them into stepping-stones to gain higher ground. out of life. Don’t wait for tragedy, a heart attack to wake
They became better not bitter and flowed into their divine you out of your comfort zone. Remember the story of the
destiny of fulfillment and purpose. Later we will have frog. If you throw a frog into boiling water, he will jump
these people actually take our test based on their actions out instantly. But, if you put the frog in cool water and turn
recorded in history. the flame on very little the frog will stay inside and boil to
death. He gets used to the rising water temperature even to
If you don’t do it, it will not get done. At some point in the extent of his own death. The comfort zone is the killer
life, we all have to take a look inward. We must have a zone. I can play this violin over and over again but I think
healthy inward relationship if we expect to do anything you get the point. You must develop your mind and body
right in life. We must take personal inventory. Take care or your river will not flow. How many times have you told
of yourself because if you don’t no one else will. You got yourself, I’m going to finish my degree, I’m going to spend
to know how you tick, what are my strength’s and what are more time with my children, I’m going to stop smoking or,
my weaknesses. We all must strive to grow as individuals. I’m going to work out regularly. You are going but you
And of course, the market today is flooded with self-help never get there and you will not unless you are connected
materials that we all need to take advantage of. Whether in relationships, support. You can see how important this
it’s the purpose driven life or Emily Post’s Book of is. Don’t forget, your inward must be balanced with
Etiquette we all can use some help. Wise is the person with outward and upward. You can do it. Even if your flow is a
many counselors. Our inward relationship will develop our small creek, let it flow. Remember, small focused 30-
body and soul. You must take the time, energy and love to minute steps will change you life. Start with a baby creek,
take care of your mind and body. We all know the right and one day, yours will be a large flowing river blessing

42
others and being blessed. Small creeks do not have a set Remember, moderation in all things is the key. It doesn’t
length or width. Your baby creek could become a river in matter how much you exercise. You need to exercise on a
no time. There is no guideline or race for how all of our regular basis. You need to take walks and develop your
creeks/rivers are flowing. This is not the rat race. The breathing. Are you getting enough sleep? You think
point is: flow now, start today. Just reading this book is sacrificing you health for future rewards is valid but you
your first step. Congratulations your flow has started! are speeding up your own death by not being healthy. You
will not be around to enjoy that future reward. This is not
Health flow. Your body is always going down hill. rocket science and I am no fitness guru, this is common
Thermal dynamics demands that you are always going sense. When are you going to start eating that apple? Are
down hill. Your cells are breaking down, your mussels and you spending the time, energy and love or are you losing
your life 30 minutes at a time? The health flow is so huge

Personal flow in your life. We all need to get serious about our precious
- Health health? The market is full of books, full of tools for you to
- Finances
- Relationships use. The internet gives you this knowledge at your finger
- Morals tips. Isn’t it funny that today eating healthy and normal is
- Education
- Family called “organic” eating. We have stayed so far from the
- Personal time basics that we are literality eating our lives to death. We
are fatter than ever in our bodies and thinner than ever in
your mind. You are literally wasting away. That’s why our minds and spirits. We need to get balanced. The key is
your health is so important. If you are to make a huge being consistent not rigid. Remember the all or nothing
impact in the world. You need you stay healthy. philosophy never works. This puts to much pressure on

43
you and takes away your freedom. We need to be flexibly them into a haven for relationships not a lust for things. If
consistent but never rigid. we fail at this it is only a matter of time till be lose our
minds to the rat race of life.
We need to get our minds in shape. This is our mind flow.
Yes, I am speaking to YOU. Everyone needs to develop Finances are the second biggest killer of marriages next to
their mind; GED, college, adult school, or encyclopedia sex. Our financial flow is important. The root of all evil is
call it what it’s all about education. It’s obvious we can’t the love of money. When we are so possessed to get more
rely on the schools to do this. We must want it and push money we usually are not good with money. Spend thrifts
forward beyond all barriers and excuses. We all need to are horrible with money. They love the money because of
learn more and stretch our minds. Some of us need to GET what it brings but not the responsibility. We suck at
back to school and finish our degrees. Some need to pursue savings. We have thousands of dollars worth of debt.
that advanced degree. Better minds means better living and Money has totally possessed us and controls us. We need
more money. Remember, the LOVE of money not money to budget. What is budgeting? Budgeting is not being
is the root of all evil. When you have a relationship with stingy and not having fun. Budgeting is being smart about
money not your loved ones then it becomes evil. your hard earned money. Budgeting is knowing where
Remember leaders are readers. We all need to learn more. your money is coming from and where your money is
It is said, the greatest battles in life are not fought in the going. Budgeting is about being in total control of YOUR
flesh and blood but in the battlefields of our minds. The MONEY! Gosh do we ALL need to get on the ball with
war for our minds is constant. We are daily bombarded by this one. Save yourself from the money monster. Isn’t is
advertisers trying to entice us to give them our time, energy time you started Oprah’s debt diet? Isn’t it time you sat
and love. We must take our minds serious and develop down with a friendly financial counselor? Okay, this week

44
will be your week of victory. Stop right now and schedule Everything needs to be done on a regular basis, with
in a day to meet with them. I am so proud of you, you are moderation but it must be done. In Europe the basic
starting to flow! Financial confusion will STOP your vacation is six weeks. We get so wrapped up in the rat race
flow! that we lose sight of relationships and relaxation. Some of
my best memories of life are those of my family vacations.
You will never enjoy life and go on vacation if your can’t
control your spending. Vacation flow is a must and a FLOWING IS FAMILY
biggie. We cannot continue to live year after year without
a vacation and ever expect to be flowing. Some of your
Now we are getting serious about what matters in life.
greatest flowing is done while on vacation. Vacation is
When was the last time you really took the time and
your time to escape from your life. It’s time to let loose
listened to someone you love? When was the last time you
and not be wrapped up with the day to day duties and
went on that walk together and spend QUALITY TIME?
responsibilities. Remember, from the beginning there has
You know exactly what I am talking about. Feeling guilty?
always been a Sabbath, a time allotted to rest. We all need
I mean what is life all about anyway. What is life worth
time to rest our minds, our bodies and our spirits. Ever feel
living if you can’t live it with ones you love, trust and
like you can’t go another day. Ever feel so drained and
respect. Fathers need to spend time playing with children.
depressed that you can’t go another day. That’s your body
Wives need to spend time with girlfriends. Best friends
telling you, screaming at you to STOP. That’s when you
need to take each other out for coffee. Children need to
need, you must go on vacation. And we wonder why we
spend time with other friends. Husbands and wives need
often explode and binge on the weekends from the stress
quite time to love each other and listen. We all need to
and pressures of life. Please, please, please go on vacation.

45
give and receive hugs, kisses and embraces daily. my wife lived in. I lost my wife and hopefully someday
Relationships are about connection. Connection with self will find her again though listening. Listening to others is
also involves connection with close loved ones. This is a the basis for all relationships. This was one of the reasons
why I ventured to write and tell others. I get so excited
must in life. If you are not spending meaningful time,
about this book and the test. I really want to take the test
special time with the ones you love then START today.
and see my personal ratings. Sure, I am writing but do you
Stop right now and call a loved one to have coffee and talk.
really think I have it all together. This project is really
If you don’t know how to communicate and listen then I
about my flow, the flow of my partners and of course
advise you to take a class. Take communication 101.
yours. I hope that we can grow, that we can flow together.
Read relationships and communication for dummies, I did.
Learn conflict resolution. Educate yourself get the
I can see that flowing is about doing the right thing. You
knowledge and the skills to be a great listener. I beg you to
can begin to see that flowing is the right thing. Morality is
do it. This is such a crucial part of your flow. Like all the
doing the right thing for yourself, for others and for your
aspects of your flow this is important but even more so this
God. Many people hate talking about their moral flow but
special time with loved ones is one of the big markers or
we need to. We all need to. Destructive personal behavior
indicators of you as a flowing person vs. a person not
is morally wrong; drug abuse, alcohol abuse, eating abuse,
flowing. Examine yourself to see if your are of the flow or
verbal abuse, etc. All abuse is morally wrong. Life and
not. For me personally this was one of my BIGGEST
flowing is not about abusing yourself or others. When you
failures in life. I never listened to my wife. Just imagine
abuse yourself others suffer also. Never think you live in a
living with someone for four years thinking, this person
relationship vacuum. It does not exist. You were made for
isn’t listening to a word I am saying. Think of what hell
relationships and with it comes a moral responsibility to

46
yourself and the ones you influence. Remember, we all you are not the only one who benefits. Good luck and see
have influence in our lives. Parents have influence over you on the river.
children. Children have influence over friends. My boss
has influence over me. We need to morally not abuse that
influence or leadership. If we cannot control ourselves then
we need to get help, today and now.

Lastly, we all need to focus on our personal journey.


When we become relationally re-born we need to start a
journey of growth. This is so important and crucial to your
flow. Most of us need professional help to do this. This
personal journey is the nuts and bolts to who you are. We
all have issues that we need to work through. We all have
relationships that need improving and repairing. We all
have done damage to ourselves and others. We need to fess
up, understand and grow. So, I will ask you, “when did
you start your journey?” This is a huge part of flowing.
This personal journey of yours is molded by you and those
who help you. This is where you customize your inward
life to flow. You are the only person who can do this. But

47
Secrets of the FLOW
Focus in

1. I am who I am because of who I am.

2. Personal freedom demands personal responsibility.

3. If you don't do it, it will not get done.

4. The hero in your life is YOU.

5. Your journey of growth is essential to your well-


being.

6. Flowing is doing the right thing for your, others and


the Divine.

48
CHAPTER
FIVE

49
Chapter 5 out flow, out to the needs. At this point in our lives we can
Relationship #3 – Look Outward see the need. My father taught me to see a need and fill it.
Love is a verb not a noun. I have tried to live that out in my life because although I
can’t save all the starfish on the beach, I can save “this

Life must be bigger than us. We must be involved in a one”, the need in front of me. Our flow is coming down

cause worth of nobility. Doing the right thing must be our and into us and then must be released to others. Let’s be

legacy we leave our families and the world. We must care. honest this is where we all like to damn up the flow. This

We can all learn to be a hero. Hero’s are not born but are is where we get greedy. We all get greedy. But this is

taught. Hero’s are always normal human beings not some where the flow gets stale and the waters of relationships get

made up x-person in fantasy world. Remember, first we dirty and muddy. How many of us struggle in the muddy

need to be our own hero and then someone else’s. Just waters of the “flow”, depressed and wondering why we

think about it. You could be superman or superwoman for can’t get excited about life. We try, try and try and do, do,

someone. Life is full of people hurting and hoping. But, do but fail to UNDERSTAND that the blessing of the flow,

before we can really help someone we must first rescue the fresh waters will not come again unless we release it to

them. When someone cried out for help, Superman always others. This my friend is one of the greatest

rescued them first and talked to them later. No one cares accomplishments of life to flow into the lives of others.

how much you know until they know how much you care. Because when we flow into others a part of us goes and we

That’s proven when you LISTEN to someone. That’s start to connect. If you try to save your life you will lose it

lesson number one, reach out and touch someone. We need but if you lose your life you will gain it back. We literally

to get out of ourselves and let it flow. Remember, the flow deposit part of our “self” into the lives of others.

flows down not up. Our outward relationship is a natural

50
There is nothing wrong or evil about damns. In-fact, a become CRAZY, every time. That’s why solitary
damn can conserve water and later save lives. A damn can confinement is used as punishment in prison. It’s horrible.
also power energy. A damn can also promote enjoyment
but when a damn is to large it can cause damage to the Why not start by mentoring someone. Why not let
natural landscape. There becomes a problem when the someone else know about the flow. Remember that person
waters are never released. This type of a damn has no who helped you in life. You would not be here today if it
lasting benefits to us, to the human race. Damning up of hadn’t been for them. Everyone loves to say that they are
the flow can actually make us sick, sick to our stomachs “self made” but that’s just not true. And, if they are, they
of what we have become. Recently, I read of a study are just that self and nothing more. That’s not flowing and
done. These individuals were given a device to strap on growing but isolated and selfish. How about YOUR
themselves. The device monitored their heart and at the MENTOR today right now. Let’s stop for a second and try
same time recorded everything they said. The results were to figure this out. In life there are those who know more
amazing! The finds concluded that the more we use the than us, right. Of, course you are not a “know it all”.
words I and me the greater chance of heart failure. There are those who know less than us. This is true for all
Remember, our problems are not in us but between us. We things like profession, wisdom, etc. Your field has it’s
must let life flow through us and give life to others. If we expert and how awesome if you are one. Regardless of this
grip life so tightly we literally squeeze the life out of even or not, you can find someone in your field that needs some
us. No one wants to be a lonely miser barricaded in an mentoring. Remember, it doesn’t have to be someone in
ivory tower. That’s not normal, that’s not flowing. It’s a your field but one thing is for sure, it must be someone
proven FACT that when human beings are isolated they willing and ready. Also, we must not force ourselves on
individuals. We need to be willing, ready and organized.

51
There are many good resources out there that can guide you usually responding to past hurts and fears. Our hurts and
to become a great mentor. fears say that we can’t do it but in reality we can. If we are
courageous to look past the past we can do it. I always ask

OUTWARD FLOW myself, is this live or Memorex. Is this a live right now
- Being Kind threat to myself or am I playing “the tapes” of some past
- Mentoring
- Volunteering hurt and is it now affecting me negatively.
- Charity
- Giving blood
- Voting Are we giving blood regularly? Talk about flowing into
others. This type of giving actually will hurt, a little. This
hurt is live but can also be Memorex. So you went to give
How about the vote? We all have a moral obligation to blood and the nurse was new. She stuck you so many times
get out the vote. We can also get involved in politics. I you felt like a pin cushion. People are literally dying now,
know, you are thinking that politics suck and all politicians right now because we refuse to give blood regularly. We
are evil. That’s because you don’t have a personal fail to see the benefits of doing this. We fail to see our
relationship with a politician. There are evil ones out there duty. There are always legitimate excuses but most of the
but my point is YOU need to get involved. After all if you time we don’t find the time, we must.
can point out the bad politicians that must make you a good
one. We need good ones. This type of relationship can be Giving your time, energy and love to charities is always an
very demanding but remember with the proper time, energy excellent option. It’s so easy just to give a financial
and love all things are possible. Remember, all donation but we need to stretch our hearts and give
“impossible” relationships are difficult because we are ourselves also. For example instead of just donating your

52
car to the LA MISSION you could actually drive your car Being kind is what life is all about. Remember, behavior is
down there and leave it there. While you are down there contagious. When we go out of our way to be kind and
you could help in the food kitchen, help clean up or even help someone it not only affects that person, it also affects
help with the DMV paper work for the transfer of the car. us and those who observe us doing that kind deed. We
We should get excited about it and for sure get creative. literally fight back the evil in the world when we DO
something kind, something good. Even just mentioning
Volunteers are some of the coolest people in the world. this might have caused something to stir inside of you. If
Now, there is a chance to be creative. Just think how many we are honest it was a battle, a war wagging within our
hundreds or even thousands of philanthropic organizations being. We want to do good but find ourselves doing bad.
you could benefit by volunteering. You literally become Let’s just give in and do it. Let’s smile at work today.
the bloodline of the organization. These types of groups Let’s give Joe the bum a dollar today. Let’s open the door
rely heavily on people helping out. If you don’t believe me for the mother and her children. Let’s start to care, start to
just try it. You could start your own great people helping connect. Expand your circle of love to include others,
organization. You could start the first volunteer’s especially those who no one else wants. You are starting to
organization. You would have the largest database in the be that hero. You can be that hero for someone. I am so
world of great, amazing people who were ready to proud of you. You should be proud of yourself. The
volunteer. All the non-profit, philanthropic organizations human race is proud of you and lastly God is proud of you.
would contact you for volunteers. How awesome is that. I As we reach out and touch someone, they reach back and
might start that or maybe you or maybe us both. touch our lives. This is flowing. Stop for a second and
Mean people suck! Ever see that bumper sticker? I think begin to believe, begin to imagine. Imagine a flowing
who ever made that bumper sticker just doesn’t get it. world of love not war. This will be one of our greatest

53
challenges in life but we can do it. Remember, healthy
relationships are contagious and someone is out there
waiting, waiting for you. Let it flow!

54
Secrets of the FLOW
Look out

1. See a need and fill it.

2. Love is a verb.

3. Greed is a common evil we must all fight and win.

4. Being kind is everyone's moral duty.

5. There is always someone higher than you and


someone lower than you.

55
CHAPTER
SIX

56
Chapter 6 We now can strategize and put in the time, energy and love
Are you FLOWING? to make those areas of weakness less in our lives.
Test all things and hold fast to what is true.

Relationships pathways - Healthy


1. Accept intimacy (enlightenment)
Are you ready to flow? Where are you at when it comes to
2. Pain/hurt comes (comfort zones tested)
these 3 key relationships in life: up, in and out? If you are 3. Deal with it & work through it (courage/counsel)
4. Accomplishment/Joy comes (purpose)
like me you need to work in all 3 areas. In this last section
5. Faith in intimacy (strength)
we have developed a test to show you where you are. It’s simple. We each are faced with decisions in
Where do you think you are? Are you excited to find out? relationships. We can find love and make it work or find
This test is designed to show your flow, who YOU are now war and break things off. Remember when we are not in
right now. The results can be life changing. This will be healthy relationships we often lack the connection that
the beginning of your life journey. We all are on a journey gives us that edge in our lives. Our daily decisions will
of growth. Truth sets us free to be born again to start a new affect our lives and in turn our way of life or our standard
and thrive. We will see the true essence of who we are, of of living. This test is designed to find out who we are and
who we have become. We will see your strengths and what where are we going. We can then start to examine our
are your weaknesses? We all need to admit and work on
Relationships pathways – Un Healthy
our weaknesses but also to focus on and master our 1. Accept intimacy (enlightenment)
strengths. That’s half the battle admitting you have 2. Pain/hurt comes (comfort zones tested)
3. Fear/Rejection (run from intimacy)
weaknesses. The process is very important. Understanding 4. Bitterness (unhealthy philosophies)
the process is even more important and a key to victory. 5. No Faith in intimacy (weakness)

57
lives and trace everything back to our decisions and more 6. Our Intimacy is because of our relentless pursuit of love,
importantly back to our fears and hurts of the past. security and significance. This is human nature.
We will now take a closer look at individuals and their
lack of flow. Don’t forget all these excuses or hang-ups to
The results of the test can give you amazing insight. Some
the flow seem to fade away when tragedy strikes. Just like
results will show were we have dammed up the river
911, people lost everything and were forced to grab the
stopping the flow. We will also see areas of drought that
only things left, relationships. We can all learn and start
have stopped the flow. We also will examine times in our
developing our flow now before anything drastic happens.
lives where we have poisoned the river of life and when
Remember, our test is designed to give percentages in each
tragedy has been so strong that the river itself has been
3 categories of relationships. These percentages will add
moved. Is it possible to actually take a test that can show so
up to 100% of our time, energy and love. Our examples are
much? Yes, because our test is based on your upward,
extremes in each case but remember we can get an idea of
inward and outward relationships or lack there of. Since
what would happen to us if we continue life unbalanced
these 3 relationships engulf your entire life it’s no wonder
and went to the extreme.
that this amazing test will literally be the “God’s eye” into
your life, into your universe. Choices we made is key.
Change comes from within-New awareness/understanding
Tracing back to who we are from our TEST results:
1. What we think/believe (Faith) becomes what we speak
We can see how we became one of the 8 characters
1. We are person X because of our Faith (What we believe) 2. What we speak becomes what we do
2. Our Faith is evident by our Decisions we make 3. What we do becomes habit
3. Our Decisions are upon us because of our Problems 4. Our habits become our character
4. Our Problems are because of Hurts and Fears 5. Our character is who we are – One of the 8 characters
5. Our Hurts and Fears are because of Intimacy

58
#1 - Our first character is the person who is totally Lastly, this person takes time daily to meditate and pray.
He reads his sacred spiritual scriptures that give him his
balanced, the healthy person. His time, energy and love is
daily boost and motivation. Aside from his weekly trip to
33% invested in the inward, 33% in the outward and 33%
church/temple he weekly attends a weekly accountability
in the upward relationships. He is definitely healthy and
group where he opens up and is real with his mentor. This
the river is flowing in his life. He is confident to give and
guy is balanced especially when he is in Southern Greece
receive in his life and he is totally fulfilled. A look into his
soaking in the sun. He realizes that there is always
life reveals a person who eats healthy and exercises. He
someone lower than him that needs help and someone
definitely spends quality time with his family and friends.
higher than him where he receives help. He is not a Mr.
Even though he sticks to his budget he still has funds for a
Know it all but spends his time, energy and love trying to
relaxing trip to read and sip cappuccino at star bucks. This
know all. He truly is flowing in Spirit, Soul and Body.
doesn’t mean he wastes time, in fact he has plenty of time
And the most important part of this person’s life is that he
to study for his MBA on the train to work every morning.
makes plenty of mistakes but is loved and accepted in
This guy also takes time at work to listen and train his
close, intimate relationships that foster change and growth.
employees. In fact, he is involved in the mentoring
program that he started where he personally spends 3 hours
8 Types of people & their 3 RELATIONSHIPS
a week with one individual. He listens. His “help” bulletin
is a place where anyone in the office in need of help can Person Up In Out Notes
1. Healthy + + + This person is FLOWING
post that need on a board. Someone else in the office can 2. Unhealthy - - - Needs serious counseling
then see the need and fill it if they wish. And yes, he 3. Damned up + + - Greedy person, “church” people
4. Isolated + - - So heavenly minded, no earthy good
gives blood, donates to charities and is a mentor at AA.
5. Self-less + - + Always neglecting self

59
6. Naïve - - + Abused, gives but never receives handicapped people need extra love, respect and help.
7. Atheist - + + Know it all, no belief in God
There are also those who are extremely bitter about life.
8. Self - + - No time for anyone else but self
These people often exhibit fits of anger and rage. These
Remember the key to life is balance. You can see how the people need help also. How about those who are so
healthy person measures up to the other types of depressed that they cannot function in life. What ever the
individuals. Again these are the 8 extremes and only case is these people DESPERATELY need outside
pointers to types. We have used common names only to intervention and help. We can pray and pray but these
get a general idea. Most of us will fall in a mix of these people need focused professional help to pull them out of
but there are those of us who will be exactly one of these the fires of life. We often pull away from these type of
eight. Later we will show you the results of famous people people but we must care. Humanity urges us to care and
who have taken the test based on their actions. try out best to reach them.

#2 – No up, in or out #3 – No out


The un-healthy person is in serious need of help. This Cursed is the damned. This person is stuck. This person is
person has not invested any time, energy or love into their 3 so excited about up and in that they forget out. They do not
key relationships. This could be for many different reasons lack the understanding or knowledge but fail to act upon
but one thing is for sure you can trace it back to fears and their convictions. I would call this person your average
hurts of the past. They are bound by their haunting past “pew sitter”. For those who don’t know what this is let me
and are in desperate need of freedom. Also, some explain. This person goes to “church/temple” every week
unhealthy are those not totally mentally whole. Mentally, faithfully. They sit down in their comfortable pews and get

60
ready for “church”. They get really excited, jump up and understand the isolated person. The isolated believes that
down singing songs. They are often entertained by song isolation is the key to life. They believe that their spirit is
and dance which is followed up by a “message”. The the key to growth. Although this is true, it’s only part of
message is usually centered around loving your neighbor as the truth or in our case 1/3 of the truth. We can become so
your self. With total agreement, often in tears the message spiritually minded that we are of no earthly use. Just
is swallowed hook line and sinker. With great pride and imagine how isolation can really destroy intimacy. Just
sense of spiritual connection they leave thinking how think about how neglect of one’s self and of others can
awesome it is to listen to the truth. The next thing is cripple your person growth. We need others. We need
classic. They spend the entire week only worried about people. We cannot flow by ourselves and God only.
themselves but fail to even once help someone else. They Isolated have often been hurt in the past and now fear
just can’t seem to walk their talk. We often call them relationships. They escape to the “mountain” to find
hypocrites. If we are honest we all have fallen into this themselves but never come back down from the mountain
trap. We take and take but fail to give to others. We need with faith. We need faith in ourselves. We need faith in
to release our reservoir of love to include others into our God. We need faith in others and most importantly we
circle of love. need faith in intimate, close connections with others.
Solitary confinement with you and only God must lead to

#4 – No in or out self-growth and love for others. If this does not happen you
will die relationally and have to ask yourself if you are
Spiritually isolated are such positive individuals. This is
really talking to God.
wonderful but we all need relationships. If you are human
you NEED relationships. This must be stressed to really

61
#5 – No in us to rest and recharge. The worst thing of all they actually
end up spending more time working on the Sabbath
Sweet, mother, how selfless she was. We will later have
because of their involvement at church/temple. They end
her actually take the test to find out what type of person she
up breaking their own boundaries. Getting power and
truly is but for now we will see how this type of person is.
inspiration is one thing but taking that and giving it all
Out of all our characters this person is truly the most noble.
True sacrifice can be seen in this person but does that make away is another. We must keep some for ourselves. We
it ok? Is this person flowing? We need to charge our own must develop a real, authentic inner relationship or we will

batteries. Sure this person is receiving the flow from up not flow but crash and burn.

and giving it out but they often neglect themselves in the


process. This person also is isolated and on a sacrificial Balance is Key
island. Often what they give out is less although they feel
they are giving all. Let me explain. When we take time for #6 – No up or in
ourselves and our inner flow we often gain more strength to The Naïve person is abused. This type of person does not
give out. We become more internally balanced and capable last for long. This also is a person in desperate need of our
of helping others when we gain strength. This person feels help. Giving is wonderful but never receiving is horrible.
like they can neglect themselves and be okay. The often Living life totally for others is very unbalanced. We can
feel that they don’t need anything personally but this is far give, give and give until we have no more to give. At this
from the truth. One of the greatest example of this is seen point we literally die with nothing left. We cannot give our
th
in God. We all know the story of how on the 7 day God time, energy and love away always and never receive. I
rested. He then went further to instill the “Sabbath” day for think you are starting to understand the whole concept of a

62
flowing balanced person. This person has no up don’t know everything and can’t see everything like love
relationships and no inner connection. With no life and radio waves. Why do we pretend and believe that we
compass how can you ever expect to grow and flow. know it all? The whole concept of relationships is rooted
Again, it’s wonderful to give and you even receive some in the divine God who is the father of us all. We need to
Joy out of it but it cannot last forever. Total self- respond to that and we do that in relationships. The person
breakdown is just a matter of time. who has no up relationships is like a clone. No relational
beginning just a scientific experiment start. The robots

#7 – No up don’t need relationships but are merely robots, programmed


to obey. The Divine DEMANDS that we have freedom to
Show me proof they say. If I cannot see it I will not
choose and gave us the most powerful computer ever
believe. The question is can you see love? The atheist or
created to make our free choices, our brain. You see the
as I like to call them the humanist is totally invested in
atheist can never really explain the human brain and for
things here on earth. At a glance this person seems to have
sure they can never duplicate it. We need to explore,
it all right. Love, security and significance must have their
expand and learn more but never deny any necessary
roots in us, others but also the Divine, the master designer,
relationship in our lives. This person is not flowing and
the force of good in life. We all know that relationships are
living in denial. I can only imagine what world
it. We all agree that without relationships we fail in life.
monumental discovery this person would make if they only
Where does this concept come from? If we believe that we
connected up with the Divine. That’s what this world
are some cosmic accident then where is the “relationship”
longs for.
in that. Our logic then begins to fail and our humanistic
pride begins to swell to unbalanced proportions. We really

63
#8 – No up or out flowing and balanced was integrated into society though
the medium of religion, especially here in the U.S. With
Infants cry because they are babies. Their crying is all
the collapse of religion and now living in a post-religious
about getting what they want. This person cries for the
era we often feel confused about flowing because we feel
same reason. When we have no time for anyone else but
religion has let us down. This has brought confusion to the
me, myself, my shadow and I we are not flowing. This
flow including self. We are now literally just trying to find
self-centered person eventually has a collapse that is so
ourselves again, our inner child. With this collapse has
internal that no one on the outside even knows and can see
emerged a plethora of excellent self-help material to try to
to help. This is an inside job of huge proportions. We can
gain our balance once gain. The problem arises when self-
actually start to believe our little lies that say preserve self
relationship is elevated as the only key to life. This is
at all costs, even at self-costs. Don’t get on your high
false. We must develop all three key relationships to flow.
horse. I believe this type of person lives in all of us, our
The evidence is always clear without a balance of up, in
inner child. With all the amazing “self-help” books and
and out we always fail. Just stop for a second and really
materials out there we often fall into this trap of just
begin to understand this concept. Start to believe it because
focusing on the inward relationship and neglecting the up
we all know it’s true. Healthy, relevant relationships will
and out. These are great and wonderful but remember, only
always be in search for the truth. The truth will always set
part of the puzzle, one third to be exact. Sometimes that
us free if we accept it.
inner child just needs a spanking.

So now that you have seen all 8 characters what do your


Lastly, in the past the healthy things to do in life were
think? Stop for a moment and wonder. What if everyone
wrapped up and packaged in religion. Being healthy,
saw their life, their actions as clearly as this. I know I have

64
spent most of my life in confusion. Who am I? Where
have I come from and where I am I going? What is my
purpose in life? You can now see that
RELATIONSHIPS are the vehicle we all need to ride.
Remember, life is as easy as the decisions we make on a
daily basis. Let’s start making the right ones. Let’s
imagine a life, a world with love and not war. The bridge
of love to others must never be burned. It all starts with us,
today. What will you do today? Who will you call
tomorrow? The greatest thing we will ever do on earth is to
love and be loved in the most difficult thing, being in
healthy, authentic, relevant relationships. We can do it and
we will!

65
Secrets of the FLOW
Are you flowing? Test

1. Examine yourself to see if you are in the flow.

2. Are you flowing?

3. Be honest with yourself.

4. Life is about changing and growing.

66
CHAPTER
SEVEN

67
Chapter 7 Start to think of who you are. Yes, I am a naïve person.
Secrets of the FLOW Yes, I am damned up. Yes, I am self-centered. Start to be
Life is a journey, a constant process. real. Start to be honest. Venture out and grab yourself.
Now start to tell someone, there’s power in telling. There
So, who are you? What has the test revealed? Don’t tell
is power in words. Words can build up and words can tear
me, you’re an isolated. What, you are an unhealthy! I
down. Your words will start to create something unique,
know we all wanted to be that healthy person. By now you
honest and powerful in your life. Speak it. Tell you best
have a pretty good idea of what type of person you are.
friend, “I am a self centered person”. Remember, a true,
You can see what general area you fit in. Remember, this
honest friend will also see this in you and keep you
type of profiling is so new no one will really grasp the accountable to change. But, it MUST come from you first,
significance of it but you. One thing is for sure, you know the instigator.
who you are. You may have never really known how you
are but you are the only person who can trace back and We now start to DO healthy acts of kindness, kindness to
remember your life. You can start to see how the decisions yourself, kindness to others and kindness to God. At this
you made brought you to this moment. This is time for stage of doing we start to examine our emotions and past
self-examination and honesty. hurts and fears. We will honor our emotions but not let
Change comes from within-New awareness/understanding them affect our doing. We will need help in this stage.
1. What we think/believe (Faith) becomes what we speak
Engagement of our minds is the key. With many, wise
2. What we speak becomes what we do
3. What we do becomes habit counselors we can logically make healthy decisions to DO
4. Our habits become our character
THE RIGHT thing. Don’t forget our life goal of being in
5. Our character is who we are, one of the 8 characters
relevant, healthy relationships fostering growth and

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receiving the power to do it. When I was a child my father from a source. They start now this very moment. I am a
taught me the parable of the sticks. One stick alone can flowing river of fulfillment. You are a flowing in love.
easily be broken but a cord of three is not easily broken. A Remember, we can get our “blood flowing” and live in
bundle of sticks are un-breakable. Doing the right thing, denial and anger or we can flow in love and thrive.
doing the truthful thing now becomes habit. We are in fact
on a journey of freedom to be intimate, to listen, in search Listing your flow stoppers can be life changing. Here we
of the truth to solve life’s problems for personal joy. make a list of ides, beliefs, actions or lack of actions that
Habit’s always got a bad wrap. Habits need to be made in stop the flow in our lives. With your cooperation and help
life. When we run from intimacy (people), the right thing, of others you can identify your flow stoppers. We can then
we develop bad habits, evil philosophies about life. We are trace them back and really get to understand them. When
now all about developing the good habits like LISTENING understanding comes we can then start to make small
to others and honoring them. Eventually, character is focused steps to adjust. Flowing is so amazing. Once you
formed and we start to thrive. We are now known as the start to flow you can really feel it. With flowing you get a
healthy person. People come to us for advice because they sense of accomplishment in you life. You are literally
know we will listen to them. We are there for them. This flowing forward, growing, expanding your circle of love
is flowing. and being intimate in relevant, authentic relationships
connected to powerful community. That’s living. That’s
We START flowing now, today by thinking about who we the balance of the FLOW. Now, instead of running from
are. Yes, I am an isolated. This small step is flowing. As your problems you run toward your relationships to solve
you continue to flow the river gets faster and faster, larger your problems. You are not afraid anymore and most
and larger but all rivers started from a trickle. They start importantly you trust again.

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unrealistic stigma attached to seeing a therapist. In ancient
Building and strengthening is a key to flowing; times only royalty was given this benefit. The more
strengthening the weak but building on the strengths is the counselors you had the greater your riches and power.
focus. Identify your strengths, the things you do well when Today we have literally everything at our finger-tips. We
it comes to flowing and build. We might do certain things must take advantage of the 21st century.
great but they are not strengths unless they promote
flowing. For example, we might be good at screaming and Flow networks can boost your self-confidence and
yelling at employees but that is a bad strength, a weakness. increase your flow. These type of networks or small
We might really be good at mentoring employees but we
groups are so powerful. Weekly flow networking is
can always learn to be better. We all need to eventually be
key to accountability and growth. Inside these meetings
excellent in mentoring and coaching. This is flowing to the
one can really learn to trust, connect and grow. Sometimes
max. Remember life is a journey, a process of flowing and
isolated we feel like we are the only ones in the world
growing.
facing challenges. Being in these groups gives us the
insight and strength to VICTORY! Intimate connections
Getting help from others is an awesome way to promote
are made as you meet weekly for snacks and letting the
you personal flow. Personal counselors and coaches are so
others know what’s happening in your life. This fosters
amazing! I know some of us are fearful but we must reach
amazing transformation in you life. This is flowing! You
out and get the professional help we need. Sometimes our
will find yourself calling the individuals in your group
close circle of love can motivate us but often times we need
weekly for connection, for strength.
to pay professionals to help us. This can get expensive but
we must invest in our flow, our future. Today there is an

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Let’s look at the big picture. Remember, it’s all about depression wanting to just end it because no one cared. I
believing, speaking/writing and doing. Powerful, amazing CARE for you and I LOVE you. If the whole world rejects
things happen when we believe. In an instant a spark is set you, I will not reject you. By God’s grace and help, I will
that will be the defining moment in our life. The seed of try my best to never leave you or forsake you and our new
faith is planted. A vision and dream is birthed in you and it relationship.
must come out. We then start to talk about it and really get
excited. Don’t forget this is the water stirring inside and Finding Love or War
eventually it will flow out of us like a gushing river of That is Life….
living water. We then start to plan and prepare. At this
crucial point we often get frustrated and doubt. This is
where we need to kick it into high gear and step out of the
boat and DO SOMETHING. Never but never give up.
You are the commander and chief. You will believe, you
will speak and you will do something about it. You will
and you will flow. Let it flow!

Lastly, I feel so strong about this book that I am willing to


do what ever it takes to help others reach their flow. Please
feel free to email me anytime. I will read your email and
respond, even if I have to hire a full time staff to help me. I
know how it feels to be totally helpless and deep in SECRETS OF THE FLOW

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1. Does the right thing
1. Upward flow: The Divine E. Education
A. Mentor 1. Finish School
B. Support group 2. Advanced learning
1. Church/temple F. Vacation
2. Counselor/Therapist G. Personal time/hobbies
C. Meditation and prayer H. Difficult times (supports others and receives
D. Spiritual teachings support from others)
E. Journaling 1. Births and deaths
F. Fasting 2. Sickness and diseases
3. Addictions
2. Inward flow: Me 4. Breakups
A. Health 5. Tragedies
1. Eating
2. Exercise 3. Outward flow: Others
3. No Addictions A. Mentor
4. Hugs, kisses, affection 1. Work
5. Dr. Visits 2. Home
6. Dentist B. Charity
B. Finances 1. Financially
1. Budgets 2. Other
2. Saves Money C. Volunteer
3. Get out of debt D. Give blood
4. Gives E. Vote
C. Relationships/Intimacy F. Be kind
1. Listens
2. Communicates
3. Quality/Quantity time
4. Family time
5. Conflict resolution
D. Morals

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