What's your love type?

According to relationship wizard Helen Fisher, PhD, there are four personality types -- Explorer, Builder,
Negotiator and Director. She says that once you know who you are, you'll know why you're attracted to
certain people. You'll also see who might make for a good match (not to mention, who you might want to
offer that rain check).
We're each a mix of all four of Helen Fisher's relationship categories, but we express some traits more
regularly than others. For example, you might primarily be an Explorer and secondarily a Negotiator, but
then not have much Builder in you. As you read on, you'll probably guess both your primary and secondary
types, as well as those of your mate.
Negotiators have specific personality traits that have been linked with estrogen. Although estrogen is
known as a female sex hormone, men have it, too, and there are plenty of male Negotiators. As the name
suggests, this type is superb at handling people. Negotiators instinctively know what others are thinking
and feeling. They artfully read facial expressions, postures, gestures, and tone of voice. Their interest in
identity extends not only to others but to themselves. So they are introspective and self-analytical-- men
and women who take pleasure in journeying into their thoughts and motives. As a result, when they form a
partnership, they like to delve deeply into the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship.
Not only do Negotiators connect psychologically, they also have the ability to remain mentally flexible.
When they make decisions, they weigh many variables and consider various ways to proceed; they see
things contextually, rather than linearly -- I call it web thinking. As a result, they tend to be comfortable with
ambiguity. Negotiators can be highly intuitive and creative. And they like to theorize. Perhaps their most
distinctive characteristic is verbal fluency, the facility for finding the right words rapidly. With this skill --
alongside an agreeable and accommodating nature, compassion, social savvy, and patience -- the
Negotiator can be very friendly, diplomatic, and authentic.
But as with all qualities, these traits can warp. Negotiators sometimes become such placators they appear
wishy-washy to the point of spinelessness. Because they're not willing to confront, they can turn to
backstabbing. With their need to examine all the possibilities, they can get bogged down in rumination as
opposed to action. And in a relationship, their desire to connect and dissect all the subtle meanings
between the two of you can become cloying and invasive.
Specific activities in the testosterone system are what distinguishes this type. Again, although we think of
the hormone as male, it is shared by both sexes, and there are many full-blooded women Directors.
Whatever the gender, people of this type are competitive. They strive to be top dog and have many skills
to get there. They are pragmatic, tough-minded, and most notably decisive, able to make up their minds
rapidly, even when faced with difficult choices. Rational analysis, logical reasoning, and objectivity are their
core strengths. They also pay attention to details and can focus their attention to the exclusion of
everything around them -- an ability that enables them to weed out extraneous data and progress on a
straightforward path toward a specific goal: the solution. Many Directors are also ingenious, theoretical,
and bold in their ideas. Moreover, they are willing to take unpopular, even dangerous paths, to get to the
truth. So they persist and often win.
Directors are particularly skilled at understanding machines and other rule-based systems, from computers
and math problems to the details of biology, world finance, or architecture. They excel at sports, and often
have an acute ear for all kinds of music. Their interests can be narrow; but they pursue them deeply and
thoroughly. And they can captivate those who share their hobbies.
Placating leaves the Director cold. He or she often chooses to do a good job rather than please others. In
fact, Directors are the least socially skilled of the four types. When preoccupied with work or personal
goals, they can appear aloof, distant, even cold, and are generally not interested in making social
connections, with the exception of those that are useful or exciting to them.
As with the other types, the traits that make Directors so successful may become grating: For example,
their confidence can veer into bragging, their exactitude turn uncompromising, and their forthrightness
simply seem rude. And because they often see issues in black and white, they miss the nuances of social,
business, and personal situations. But thanks to their dedication, loyalty, and interest in sharing ideas,
Directors make close friends. And they can be fiercely protective of those they love.
Calm, affable, and people oriented, the Builder's personality is influenced by the serotonin system. Social
situations are often fun and relaxing for Builders; they like to network. Because duty and loyalty are their
strong suits, they often acquire a devoted pack of peers and pals. And they're true guardians when it
comes to family and friends.
Builders are cautious -- but not fearful. They think concretely. They have a clear memory of yesterday's
mistakes, so they prepare. These people are not impulsive with their money, their actions, or their feelings.
Security is important to them. Structure and order are, too. Taking particular pride in upholding social
norms, many are traditional, and they often have a strong moral streak. Builders don't get bored easily,
which enables them to be methodical, hardworking, and dependable. Thanks to all these solid qualities,
they tend to be regarded as pillars of the community.
But Builders can go overboard. In their quest to do things the "proper way," they can be intolerant of other
ways. Indeed, they can be stubborn. And with their need for order, rules, and schedules, they can stifle
spontaneity. Their stoicism can turn into pessimism, their conformity into rigidity, and their concrete
thinking sometimes makes them too literal. Normally, however, Builders are community minded,
industrious, and popular with colleagues and companions.
Explorers have a very active dopamine system, a brain chemical associated with the tendency to seek
novelty, among other qualities. An Explorer might look up from the newspaper on Sunday and say, "Want
to go to Warsaw?" -- and by Wednesday you're in Poland. Champions of "never a dull moment," these
adventurers live to discover new people, places, things, or ideas, often on the spur of the moment. Friends,
family, and colleagues frequently regard them as highly independent and autonomous.
Explorers have more energy than most people; they tend to be restless, sometimes fast-paced. And they
are highly curious -- "For always roaming with a hungry heart," as Tennyson put it. Constantly generating
new ideas or creative insights, they easily shift their attention from one thing to another. Although the
classic Explorer is a race-car driver, South Pole trekker, or bad-boy rocker who lives hard, taking drugs
and having risky sex, I know many who exercise their passion for adventure by reading several hours a
day; collecting stamps, coins, or antiques; or walking through the byways of a city.
People quickly like most Explorers. Generous and sunny, they tend to be playful, sensual, sometimes
hedonistic, often unpredictable, and regularly amusing. But they can be difficult to take -- especially in a
marriage. They do not tolerate boredom well. So they are generally not interested in routine social or
business events. In fact, Explorers try to avoid routine of almost any kind, and can trample on another
person's cherished beliefs and habits -- not to mention be impatient.