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Introduction

Some people consider me a prick. Don’t like that? Leave. I don’t
need you anyway. I have enough people desperately seeking my
attention. Oh, but my massive popularity is no accident. I studied
social psychology and human behavior or years to alter my
personality and become a master o social manipulation and human
interaction.
!ow I’m the guy everybody tries to impress and wants to be seen
with. I have legions o riends wherever I go. "eople give me
practically whatever I please and it#s all so easy or me. $al o the
time, I don’t even have anything valuable to say, but people still
%ust can’t get enough o me. &nd while %ealous losers think I’m a
prick, everyone else thinks I’m the greatest thing in the world '
and they’re right, I am.
(ou already know me)
* I’m the slacker at work who gets promoted over your hard
working ass
* I’m the loudmouth who talks over your best comments with
useless crap to cheers o admiration
* I’m that prick who#s out having a good time while you sit around
thinking about how great your uture will be.
&nd then there#s you.
I see you watching me thinking to yourself: “you just wait and
see who I become”. It’s the only way you can %ustiy your lonely,
wasted e+istence. ,ut deep down you already know what you#ll
become) the same pathetic, irrelevant person you are right now.
-hile you’re living in antasy land, I’m milking the real world or
everything it oers) popularity, admiration, endless riends, se+,
and success. ,ut you don’t want that anyway, right? Lie to
yourself. Let me guess: what you’re going through is just
temporary? nce you get that “job”! that “degree”! or find
that “special someone” e"erything will change? #wenty years
from now you’ll be looking at e"eryone and thinking the e$act
same thing. It’s the same thing that poor! bearded! loser on the
back of the bus is thinking. Don’t believe me? .o talk to him and
see or yoursel.
If you don’t change right now! you’ll become just like that guy
on the bus. %ou’ll soon look into the mirror and reali&e you’re
old and your dreams ha"e passed you by. Instead of dreaming
about your future! you’ll dream of getting back the youth that
you're wasting away right now. /he only way to prevent this is to
change who you are and how you naturally interact with other
people. I wrote "opular "rick to teach you e+actly how to do this
by)
01 using psychological conditioning to alter how you naturally
think, behave, and interact with people
21 combining these alterations with the controversial techni3ues o
manipulative psychology

4&buse o Science?4 ..So be it.
I have a degree in "sychology, but I’m no academic. In act, it’s no
secret the academic community disapproves o what I do here.
/hey think using modern psychology to teach people how to
manipulate others or popularity is an abuse o science, but I don’t
need anyone’s approval. 5nlike them, I’m not motivated by
publishing deals, tenures, or academic approval6recognition. I
don’t have to censor my inormation or my language to meet
someone else’s notion o 7proper’. 8aybe some think my straight
talk is unproessional, but I’m the one with the solutions and that’s
what matters. I change people’s lives. /hey %ust talk about doing it.
I you’re looking or a standard sel*help book, look elsewhere. 8y
book contains no canned lines, motivational stories, useless
clich9s, or the typical :be yoursel; advice. /here is no 2 hour
taped lecture on why conidence is important. I don’t waste time
with any o this irrelevant, recycled, %unk. /hese so called
:e+perts; ill their books with such useless crap or one reason) it
sells. Such books may give you an hour or two o post*read
nostalgia, but this 3uickly wears o and you’re back to being your
miserable, lonely, sel. It’s like walking out o a theatre ater an
action movie and eeling like a super hero or a ew moments. It’s
a alse sense o reality that 3uickly ades away. I’m here to change
your reality, not temporarily distort your perception.
Let#s be <eal, (ou#re !ot a .reat "erson
Don’t e+pect me to lie to you about how great person you are
either. I’m here to tell you the e+act opposite. (eing )yourself” is
not the solution! it’s the problem. (ou need to change and that’s
what I teach you to do. I reali=e some people will ind that
oensive, but unlike others, I work or a #realistic perspective#, not
one that is motivated by pleasing everyone, or ollowing
conventions.

I already know what you#re going through anyway. (ou try to be a
good person and say the right things, but people %ust aren’t
interested in you.-hy? &ll your 7great comments’ mean virtually
nothing because people don’t care about this stu. /hey’re too
preoccupied with themselves to keep track o everything you say
>they’re pricks like me?1.
8ental processes are naturally eicient./here’s no time to keep
score o your witty comments. Instead, opinions orm in the blink
o an eye. /hat’s why all the one*liners and other crap social
:gurus; eed you is so useless. !obody pays that much attention?
Opinions o likeability6importance are based on other, less
obvious, actors. @ortunately, this is a system that can easily be
manipulated to your advantage * and that’s e+actly what my book
mercilessly teaches you to do.
*emember! if “being yourself” was the solution to the problem!
you wouldn’t ha"e a problem to begin with. Indi"idualism isn’t
worth it if it’s diminishing your +uality of life. I’m not going to
waste time trying to convince you to believe this >i you don’t
already1. I you want to continue to %ustiy wasting your lie under
the guise o :individualism;, have at it.-ho am I to interere with
mental Darwinism? I#ll let you ools die out with pride.
$ere#s -hat I Oer) I’m giving you the e+act same strategies I
used to change my personality and master social manipulation and
human interaction.

So Don#t be an Idiot. Lie is all about choices. <ight now you have
two options) 01 you can continue to waste whatever youth you
have let being a miserable lonely ool who nobody cares about, or
21 you can get my book, apply my strategies, and live the lie you
want to live. Aust remember, perhaps the one thing you have going
or you right now is the ability to make this choice. ,"eryday
people just like you wake up and reali&e they’"e waited too
long and ha"e wasted their youth. -on’t kid yourself! if you
don’t change! that’s going to be you .and a lot sooner than you
think/.
#he (ook
0on’t 1eople 2otice if I 3hange?
/his 3uestion is usually asked in the :they will think it is
abnormal6unnatural and that I am stupid6desperate or doing it;
ramework. ,y the end o this book, you will reali=e why this is
simply
untrue.
@or now, %ust try to get used to the idea that most are not in the
business o analy=ing others. -ill others notice you have
seemingly
become more outgoing? Some will, yes. ,ut o those who do, the
vast
ma%ority won’t think much about it because it doesn’t matter to
them.
It’s also accepted that people take some time to come :out o their
Shell;. !o matter how long you’ve known the people around you,
beore long they will not think twice about how you now act or
how
you acted beore.
4s for the small percentage that may ha"e a problem with it! so
what? #heir resentment is likely rooted in their own loss of
empowerment from you. ,eing introverted6shy gives some
people a
sense o empowerment over you because they think you are
nervous
o them >thus they must be important1. /hose who have a problem
with your newound ways are merely upset that they are losing this
source o personal pride. So now they’ll call you a prick, big deal
ah?
I could have titled this book :how to be an opportunist; because
it truly is about making your lie as happy as possible by getting
everything you can out o society. $ave no illusions) this book is
about
(O5. It’s not about your amily, your wie, your girlriend, your
children >oh yes, that’s right1, it’s about (O5 and only you. /his is
(O5< lie. Don’t be araid to admit that you care about it.
#hose who feed their own pride on belie"ing people are stupid!
society is stupid! conforming sucks! etc. li"e unhappy li"es and
die
alone. 4nd who cares at that point? 2obody. /he truly smart
people
reali=e that society oers many beneits and that they must accept
the
realities o conorming or suer the conse3uences.
$ey look) even I don’t like to admit the things I say in this
book, but I do or a very good reason. I wasn’t born a natural
conormer6popular person. I’m more like you than you know.
One thing is or sure) I chose happiness over being right. It’s like
when Dr. "hil >who by the way I hate and he certainly didn’t coin
this
3uestion1 asks to men in relationships) “would you rather be
right or
happy?”. /he answer seems sel*intuitive >which is why he asks it,
he
wants something everyone can relate to1. $appiness is more
important.
0hat 4bout the 1eople who Like 5e the 0ay I 4m?
8any people make the mistake o thinking that since they have
ound a limited number o people who accept6en%oy their
incompatible
personality that they are doing okay. /hey essentially think) :well
i
these people appreciate me, surely others can as well and thus there
is
nothing wrong with me;. 5nortunately, this is completely wrong.
/here are also people out there who believe that :&chy ,reaky
$eart; is an awesome song. .iven the volume o people out there,
there will always be people who agree6like what you’re doing.
/hink o
all the death row inmates getting letters rom interested women.
%ou ha"e to be strong enough to reali&e that just because an
e$tremely small percentage of the population appreciates your
personality doesn’t mean you’re not losing out. /he truth is, you
are
missing out huge. "eople who are liked by the ma%ority o the
population share an unimaginable amount o beneits. I the
number o
people who like you is small, the rewards you get will
correspondingly
also be small.
%ou ha"e to go after more people. -on’t be happy with a
limited
positi"e response to yourself. %ou are only selling yourself
short. ,y
doing this you are acting against your own best interest. Don’t be
one
o these people. &ccept that changing your personality will change
your lie in unimaginable ways.
-e all have ideas about what makes a person happy6successul.
Such ideas are usually derived rom observing people we know.
/his
includes both celebrities and people we know personally. 8ost
authors
would simply advise you to become what you want to become and
emulate those you admire. /he problem with this is that it is
encouraging you to :choose; what you should become. 6ince you
ha"e
de"eloped a problematic personality to begin with! you
ob"iously are
not the best candidate to make these decisions.
Let’s face it: if you need to read this book .and there is nothing
wrong with that/ you ha"e a per"erted "iew of what makes a
good
personality. #his stems from ha"ing ideals that are likely not
compatible with society.
8any people assume it is a good idea to orm their personality
around celebrities they respect. 8usic lovers tend to provide good
e+amples o this. 0hile 7you7 may think it is cool to be apathetic
and
withdrawn like 8urt 3obain! such attributes will work against
you. (ut
it worked for 8urt 3obain? 0ell! not really. (eing a rock star
worked
for 8urt 3obain. (ou’re not a rock star, so you have to accept that
you
must ind a personality that matches your liestyle. It’s all about
compatibility.
8any people who ail socially do so because they do not conorm
with the rest o society. /his usually stems rom e+periences o
re%ection. -hile I appreciate your situation, you’re going to have to
shed this attitude completely.
In short, you cannot be successul and well*liked i you choose
not to conorm to some degree. It’s %ust that simple. I your view is
that conormity is bad, look at where you are today. &re you
happy?
Do you like your lie? Do you have what you deserve? If you’re
unsatisfied and want to see things change! you’re going to ha"e
to
.suck it up. and lose the teenage attitude that not fitting in is
“cool” or
whate"er else.
It’s not cool because you end up losing in the end. 6mart people
reali&e this and take ad"antage of it. /hey understand that the
beneits o conormity ar outweigh what you get out o it not
conorming. <eally though, trying to get what you want without
conforming is like swimming against the tide on purpose. It’s
stupid!
so don’t do it.
I anything) %ust try to conorm. See what you think. See i your
lie improves. (ou owe it to yoursel to at least try to bite your lip
and
move with society instead o away rom it.
One thing a lot o people do is try to mirror the personality o
someone else. 5sually this person is someone in the public eye, be
it a
musician, actor, politician, comedian, etc. /he two main reasons
people do this are)
0. /hey see someone who is successul and igure by
imitating them they will also be successul.
2. /hey have developed an appreciation or things this person says
and believe others will develop a similar appreciation or them by
replicating their behavior.
/he irst thing I want to say is) try not to do this. !o matter how
good you think it sounds you must reali=e that you are not helping
yoursel by doing this. @irst o all, by using lines, styles, etc. o
people
in the public eye you run the risk o people noticing what you are
doing. ,eing :caught; ripping someone o will destroy any
credibility
you once had and is, not to mention, completely embarrassing.
Secondly, and more importantly, by doing this you hamper your
ability
to develop a new personality.
Imitation prevents you rom adapting your personality because it
is not natural. (ou become an actor and thus conversations are not
truly conversations. I you ollow a certain script derived rom
what
you believe to be a good way to handle yoursel you’re not
changing
anything. (ou’re not even having a real conversation. /his is not
how
successul people do it.
I want to make it very clear that this book is not designed to be
a :guide: to acting in various situations. I want to teach you to
change
the root o your personality. It is rom this root that you thoughts,
comments, belies, etc. are derived. %ou cannot memori&e an
infinite
number of responses to different situations! but you can change
the
o"erall theme of how you naturally beha"e. #his is what
personality
change is all about. It’s about spontaneous responses guided by
the
backbone o your overall personality.
(ackbones of 1ersonality
Bverybody.s personality has a certain backbone, which is
basically an overall theme to how they conduct themselves and
think
about things. Bach person’s backbone is uni3ue and it is impossible
not
to have one. It’s also impossible to completely copy someone
else’s.
I you have an unsuccessul personality, it is due to a lawed
personality backbone. @or whatever reason your backbone has
developed into something that is not compatible with the ma%ority
o
society. (ou must reprogram your backbone into something that is
compatible.
Some theori=e that your personality is impossible to change.
/hese people are, o course, utterly wrong. /o some this is evident
in
looking at how people change throughout their lives. In many
cases,
personality problems develop in later lie, ater childhood. -hat
this
tells us is not only can personalities change, but it is also a natural
part o aging. In order to be successul, you simply have to point
your
own development in the right direction.
Since everybody is dierent, some people have ar more work
ahead o them than others. /he amount o work you must do is
proportional to how dysunctional your personality currently is.
#o *eiterate: %ou are 2ot an 4ctor
#here is a huge difference between changing your o"erall
personality and simply acting differently. 8ost people reali=e
this
intuitively, but do not give it the proper attention it deserves.
-hen I make suggestions as to how you should act6behave, my
primary goal is to teach you how to train yoursel to alter your
personality. /his is not the type o book you read to train yoursel
to
act dierently at a party or %ob interview. It’s designed to give you
a
ramework to live by that will eventually become so engrained that
you
end up undamentally altering how you *naturally* behave.
&nyone can deliver some one*liners in a crowd or make
themselves out to be someone they’re not. /he 3uestion is whether
or
not their behavior is natural or merely scripted. If your beha"ior is
scripted! you’re not only fooling those around you! you’re also
fooling
yourself. #he reason for this is that the beha"ior is not
sustainable.
8oreover, you ind yoursel not actually en%oying conversation,
but simply :connecting the dots; and making ends meet. /he goal
o
this book is not to teach you how to :act; dierently, but how to
truly
become a dierent person.
One thing I want to see you do is change rom being an introvert
to being an e+trovert. ,ecoming naturally e+troverted re3uires a lot
o time
and practice. (ou’ve likely spent years conditioning yoursel to be
the
e+act opposite, so you cannot correct this overnight. Don’t worry
too
much though. /he important act is that you can change this. /hink
about it, i you could change overnight, nobody >including
yoursel1
would suer rom a problematic personality to begin with. I the
solution was that easy, you’d have ound it by now >and so would
everybody else1.
One thing I tell people all the time is that while you can’t change
immediately! the ease at which you progress will gradually
increase
with time. It’s going to get easier as you go. -ith practice, you
improve and learn things along the way. (ou will not only learn
about
the rewards, but you’ll also discover new ways to improve your
own
approaches.
So what makes people develop introverted, anti social, unlikable
>the list goes on1 personalities? -ell, e+periences and initial
interpretation o these e+periences plays a big part. & damaging
e+perience sometimes sets o a chain reaction o thought patterns
and
habits that can be very diicult to break. Like any habit, however,
it’s
something you have the ability to control.
I want to take some time to highlight some o the things you
likely perceive as standing in your way and why that perception is
wrong.
<e%ection . /his is by ar the C0 ear people have. @rom birth
society has programmed us to ear re%ection. /his makes logical
sense
because those who are re%ected, in general, reap ewer beneits in
society >inancially and socially1. In order to get anywhere with
other
people! you must risk rejection. 4"oiding these risks .to
subse+uently
a"oid rejection/ will lea"e you in the same position as someone
who is
rejected 9::; of the time. /his is not groundbreaking news. (ou
already D!O- this. -hy do you still avoid re%ection? It’s because
the
re%ection itsel has prioriti=ed itsel over the beneits o acceptance.
Simply put, you must learn to accept re%ection is natural and
move on in spite o it. ,ach new person<group is a new
opportunity.
It’s like playing the lottery for free. If you are successful with
someone! you’re ahead. If you’re not successful! you’re
essentially in
the same position as before. 6o start taking these free spins
because if
you don’t you’ll always miss out’
Some will argue that the re%ection itsel is a loss because it
hurts. /his is a logical point to make, however you must reali=e
that
it’s only a loss i you view it that way. (ou have to develop an
understanding that other people.s disinterest in you is largely
irrelevant. It %ust doesn’t matter at all. ,ecause there are so many
dierent people out there, individual re%ections are no loss. 0hat
would you rather? = people who like you and = who don’t! or >
people
who don’t know you? #he latter is completely useless to you.
It’s a
waste. Don’t live this way anymore.
I you work at acing re%ection it will become easier. ,esides
most people, %ust like you, are craving or attention, acceptance,
etc.
I you try, you will ind success and learn to put ailures >or
re%ections1
to the wayside with time.
Audging. It is natural or us to ear being %udged. -e don’t like
people orming opinions o us because we ear they will be
negative.
8uch o what I said above under re%ection is also relevant here >as
both are closely related1 in terms o cost6beneit and there being
almost no eect o negative %udgments. Let me focus on another
point
instead: %ou’re hardly being judged to begin with.
0e tend to ha"e a perception that other people are genuinely
interested in what we say and how we conduct oursel"es. #his
couldn’t
be further from the truth. ?@; of what you do and say goes
largely
undetected .or is soon forgotten/. /rust me on this. 8ost people
worry
too much about themselves to care about what other people say6do.
It
is thus oolish to worry about people %udging you because they
likely
aren’t paying attention at all anyway. "eople do, however, tend to
notice6remember those who avoid them because they perceive it as
somewhat o an insult.
(y not participating you are going to be judged the most. If
you
say nothing! you’re going to be judged on your +uietness. /his
means
people will negatively remember you as being shy, nervous,
awkward,
etc. because it gives them a sense o empowerment over you. (y
being +uiet around them you are simply confirming their
importance.
If you take part in con"ersations you will earn respect and
friendship no matter how pointless your remarks are .there
will be
more on this topic later/.
4dmitting #o %ourself #hat %ou 2eed ther 1eople
&nother reason some people develop personality problems is
that they are araid to admit >to themselves and others1 that they
need other people. /hey see it as showing a sign o personal
weakness.
/he problem is that by a"oiding people! others will "iew you as
weak and thus gain a sense of empowerment from you. Instead
of
seeing you as independent! they see you as afraid.
Don’t believe me? $ow many loud, outgoing kids got beat
up6made un o in school? It’s always the +uiet! shy! reser"ed!
people that end up taken ad"antage
of. I you’re one o these people, you’re going to have to change
>or
continue to ace the conse3uences1.
#hink about how you see people. -o you "iew outgoing or
e$tro"erted people as weak? r do you respect<en"y them?
#he "ast
majority of people will choose the ladder.
<eali=e the same is true when it comes to yoursel. (ou’re not
demonstrating independence by avoiding others, you’re
demonstrating
weakness.
3ombating Indi"idualism
8any people develop problematic personalities because they are
individualistic :thinkers;. /hey also tend to be critical, cynical,
pessimistic, opinionated, etc. -hat this means is that when
someone
speaks to them the way I do in this book, they are naturally
deensive,
critical, etc. :$ow dare this guy tell me what is good and bad?;
&ll I can say is that you got this book because you don’t like how
you’ve become. (ou’re unhappy or unsatisied. (ou <B&LISB
there is a
problem. "ut your conidence in me and reali=e that I have the
answers. (ou’re wrong i you think I’m wrong. It’s %ust that
simple.
#hink about it. %ou are where you are today! at least in part!
because
your idea of how to act<think is flawed.
(ou must read this with an open mind. -hen I say to do
something, do it. Don’t second guess what I say. 4sk yourself:
Aow far
has doubting and second guessing gotten me so far? 2ot "ery
far.
#his type of defensi"e thinking is a huge part of your problem.
-on’t let it stand in the way of the solution.
-on’t be 4fraid to 4dmit that you Aate %ourself
-on’t be afraid to say “I hate myself”. #here is nothing wrong
with this. In fact! you should be proud to ha"e the courage to
actually
admit it. 6ome people ought to hate themsel"es. #hey’"e made
bad
choices and failed miserably at a lot of things. 0hat is there to
like?
Eoming to the reali=ation that you don’t like how you’re operating
as a
person is the irst step in correcting it. Bmbrace it and move on.
"eople are depressed because they don’t like their lives or
themselves. 5any .therapists. will try to brainwash such people
into
liking themsel"es. -oes this make sense? #his is merely
rewarding
their flawed beha"ior. I a Dog ails to meet his trainer’s
instruction,
should he give the Dog a biscuit anyway?
/here’s a reason people are not successul) they are doing
something wrong. ,y encouraging them to continue down the
same path
you’re merely guaranteeing uture ailure. ,ut hey, I bet it keeps
them
coming back or treatment, doesn’t it?
%ou’re 2ot (orn 0ith a 1ersonality
& lot o people like to convince themselves that they are :born;
with a personality. /his makes it easier to accept their own lawed
characters because they see it as :not their ault;. It also makes
the
notion of change impossible and thus takes the pressure off the
person
to make difficult choices.
@or the record) "eople are born with a clean slate. -hile genetics
is likely relevant on some levels, your personality, or the most
part, is
something that develops with age that hinges on your interpretation
o
your own e+periences.
/he idea behind recogni=ing that we are largely a product o our
e+periences is that our personality is capable o changing.
0hether we
reali&e it or not! our personality is changing e"eryday. 0e
don’t notice
this because it happens so slowly. It’s just like looking in the
mirror
e"eryday. /he process is so gradual you are unable to perceive the
changes. Despite this, I’m sure i you were to think back to who
you
were as a child you would agree that you had a very dierent
personality.
It is possible to change your personality6the way you view the
world by changing what you’re doing right now.
-hat ollows is what you have to do6not do to become one o
/hose popular people. <emember, these are behavioral changes
that with time
will alter the backbone o your personality allowing you to
:naturally;
behave in a new, more avorable manner. @ollow these suggestions
and
give it time.
#alking to %ourself
ne thing that people with flawed personalities do a lot is talk
in
their heads. %ou ha"e to stop talking to yourself immediately.
0hy is this bad? Bor one thing! people talk to themsel"es to
replace talking to others. It’s antisocial. /he more you talk to
yoursel,
the less you are going to be talking to other people.
1eople also tend to debate their own actions and words with
themsel"es. #hey critici&e what they’"e doneC second guess
themsel"es! debate future actions<words! talk themsel"es into
being
ner"ous about their opinions! etc. It’s like li"ing with a parrot
on your
shoulder constantly calling you down. /his leads to depression
and
social an+iety. It makes you unsuccessul with other people and
destroys overall happiness.
#hose with successful personalities don’t tend to “think” so
much
about what they are doing. -hile you may consciously 3uestion
everything you do, successul people are driven more by impulse.
#alking<debating things with yourself is like dri"ing with the
brakes on!
you won’t get where you want to go. (ou have to stop this and
I’m
going to teach you how.
<ight now you are simply in the habit o seltalking.
(ou have developed this way out o ;comort;, but it’s
something you can and will change with practice.
(ou’re probably thinking :i I act on impulse and stop
3uestioning mysel, won’t I end up doing a bunch o stupid
things?;. !o.
(ou won’t. I you were
driving down the road and a child ran in ront o your car, would
you
discuss with yoursel whether to slam on the brakes or %ust do it?
Subconsciously you are always monitoring your actions. Deep
down,
you impulsively know what is wrong or right and this is evident in
urgent situations when your subconscious automatically takes over
(ou need to learn to let your deeper impulses make more
decisions. (ou ought to go through lie knowing that you simply
wouldn’t do anything stupid because subconsciously you’re
monitoring
everything you do. /he vast ma%ority o what the brain does is
impulsive. -hat you actually have to :think about; is very slim. It
S5""OSBD to work this way. ,$cessi"e self7communication
merely
interferes with your own better judgment’
Aow to 6top #alking to %ourself .self communication/
6topping the self7talking is truly one of the most important
aspects of personality change. It’s an attribute that nearly
e"eryone
with a successful personality has to some degree. It will help
you in
unimaginable ways! making you more outgoing! interesting!
likeable!
and comfortable with yourself.
$ere.s how you do it)
Monitoring . Dnowing that sel*communication must be stopped is
the
irst step in this process. (ou must teach yoursel to :reali=e; when
you are doing it so you can stop. /his will be tricky at irst >and
there
inevitably be times when you miss it1, but with time and practice it
will
get easier. -hen you get out o bed prepared to adapt a
undamentally dierent approach to your lie, you will remember
that
sel*communication must be stopped because it is such a crucial
aspect o the whole process.
Realization . /his is the sel*e+planatory result o monitoring. It’s
when you reali=e you’re talking to yoursel. (ou must immediately
stop. 5sing the ocus shiting techni3ue may help you accomplish
this.
FGFocus Shifting . /his is a techni3ue o psychological conditioning
that helps a person redirect their conscious thoughts to :take
their mind; away rom other, problematic, thoughts >such as
sel*communication1. /o ocus shit, you use the reali=ation
stage as a trigger or other thoughts. It usually helps to ha"e
something preplanned or to focus on something in the
en"ironment.
Preplanned Thoughts
$aving preplanned thoughts to prevent sel communication can be
useul because it eliminates lag time >during which you are
vulnerable
to accidentally revert back to sel*communication1. 8aybe you
want to
think about lying on a beach, maybe you like to count numbers,
whatever it is, so long as it takes you away rom sel*conversation,
it
will work.
Continuation . Aere you must mo"e back into acting without
self
3ommunication. %ou mo"e on. 3ontinue whate"er it is you are
doing
without talking to yourself about it.
8any people will see a lot o my suggestions as ways to turn a
person rom an introvert into an e+trovert. I would agree with this.
I’m
not %ust trying to change your personality, I’m trying to change it
for
the better. B+troverts tend to be happier, richer, healthier, have
more
riends, lead more interesting lives, etc. /hey are more successul
in
virtually every avenue o lie.
Aow many e$tro"erted people are trying to con"ert themsel"es
into being shy and anti7social? 2one.
Intelligent 4cting 1eople are the Dnhappiest
,"er notice that those who pride themsel"es on being
intelligent
also tend to be +uite unhappy? If you’re one of these people!
it’s in
your best interest to change. Let’s face it: the only person
you’re
impressing is yourself .and you’re likely not e"en
accomplishing that/.
I you want people to respect6like you, don’t try to go over their
head
and demonstrate your own intelligence. It looks bad, it sounds bad
and
most importantly, it relects badly upon yoursel.
5nless you’re deending a college thesis, spare others the :smart
/alk;.
3are 0hat ther 1eople #hink
"eople hate to admit that they care about what other people
think o them. ,ut anyone who lies and says otherwise is truly
pathetic
>and trust me, those who say they don’t care, care the most1. <eally
though, the only people who don’t care aren’t thinking to say they
don’t care >and they are BH/<B8BL( rare1.
#hink back to high school! who were the people who cared the
most about what others thought? #he preps? 2o. #he jocks?
2o. #he
gothic<music people? %es. It was the “outsiders” who cared.
/hese
people go out o their way to act weird6dierent >as that is the root
o
their :group;1. #he message they want to project is: we don’t
care
what you think. #he reality is that those who truly don’t care
would
ne"er think to make a statement out of it. -o you protest things
you
don’t care about? 2o. 0hy? (ecause you’re not thinking about
them to
begin with.
In terms o popularity6happiness6success think about how ar
those who distance themselves go. !ot very ar. /hose who re%ect
society are re%ected by society. I you are re%ected by society, you
are
going to miss out huge on the beneits that society oers.
(ou have to think, what makes people happy? ,eing liked,
accepted, respected, etc. /hose who don’t achieve these actors
generally remain unhappy. -hat can you learn rom this? &ccept
the
act that you do care and embrace it to the ullest. I’m going to
teach
you how taking advantage o this can work to your beneit.
@or those who pride themselves on being apathetic, reali=e these
two things right now)
0. (ou are likely among the least apathetic people out there
>apathetic people don’t go :out o their way; to show they are
apathetic1
2. Since pretending to be apathetic is so obviously
desperate6pathetic6etc. people will naturally avoid6not care
about you. /he result o this is that you lose.
/he truly smart people care what people think, yet never
outwardly mention it either way. /hey go about their lives with a
conscious awareness that they must :play the societal game; or
suer.
Let’s ace it, not everything is going to be handed to you. (ou have
to
work, in one way or another, to achieve what you want. ,y playing
up
to societal norms, you are :working; to a certain e+tent. (ou either
play along or lose out) plain and simple.
(eha"ing in 6ocial 6ituations
2obody Likes 1eople who are 2egati"e
It’s ine to critici=e and complain now and then, but i you make
a habit out o it people won’t like being around you. (y pointing
out
problems! you simply restrict the ability of other people to be
happy. If
you are pre"enting the happiness of others! they won’t like you.
1eople become naturally critical<pessimistic for a number of
reasons. I think the most important one is that it makes easy
con"ersation. It’s easy to think o something to complain about.
It’s
also easy or someone else to respond to it. In this way, it helps
move
conversations along and gives those who are scrambling or words
something to say. /he problem is that doing it hurts your overall
success rate in terms o people liking you.
/hose who re3uently use critical comments to contribute to
conversations do so largely out o habit. Somewhere along the line
they have discovered how easy it was to point out negative things
other people can relate to. -hen you point out an obvious negative
you don’t have to worry about other people missing your point .
/his is
why I say it’s easy.
Bor the critical<negati"e speaker! there is an ill7percei"ed le"el
of success.
#hey see other people react to their comment with interest and
falsely
belie"e to be scoring points with the other person. In reality!
they are
contributing to the other person’s disinterest in them. /he
illusion o
success leads them to repeat this behavior and eventually a habit is
ormed.
(ou have to stop doing this by monitoring what you say and
screening out the negative.
6mile 5ore
Bver notice /I personalities are always smiling? $ow oten does
<egis rown? /here’s a reason or this) Iiewers like and appreciate
people they perceive as happy and will continue to tune back in.
It is no dierent in real lie. I you want people to like you more
and eel positive about you it is imperative that you smile more
oten.
/his is all about body language. -hen you smile it makes people
more
comortable and happy being around you. &s a result, they like you
more.
&nother reason why it pays to smile is that it’s been proven to
actually increase your own level o happiness. Our brain is
inluenced
by what we do physically. ,y smiling you, in a sense, trick
yoursel
into thinking you’re happy >which, I suppose, is no dierent than
actually being happy. $appiness is happiness.1. Obviously being
happy is beneicial in more ways than the obvious.
(ou’ll be able to communicate better, illicit positive responses
rom people, leave positive impressions, and be more willing to
take
needed risks i you smile more. /old you this stu was simple.
#ell 1eople 0hat they 0ant to Aear
4lmost all successful people get there by telling others what
they
want to hear. /his is a act. (ou have to play to your audience.
Eonsider what these people are about and what their ideals are then
respond accordingly. I you know someone is into sports, act
interested. Bducate yoursel on the topic and let them have it.
"eople
like those who they eel have similar views and interests. It’s %ust
that
simple. If you want someone to like you! you ha"e to figure out
what
they want to hear and let them hear it.
8any people take this as meaning you have to be an ultra
politically correct person who never says anything risky or
interesting.
/his is simply not true. %ou just ha"e to aim your comments
within the
realm of acceptability of your audience. It’s okay to say
surprising
things, %ust make sure the people you are talking to will appreciate
it.
Sometimes readers will see guys like ,ill 8aher on /I making
obviously unpopular statements and think) :well look how
successul
and interesting he is, I’ll have to be more controversial;. /his is
completely wrong. -hen you have an audience o millions o
people,
and 2JK o them like what you’re saying, you’re going to be
incredibly
successul. /he thing is, you don’t have a random audience o
millions
o people. It’s a completely dierent situation in real lie.
Won’t I have to act lie a co!pletel" different person depending on
#ho I’! around$
/o some e+tent) yes. ,ut keep in mind you’re likely doing this
anyway. 4lmost e"erybody acts different depending on who
they are
talking to. I’m sure you act like a completely dierent person
around
your coworkers than your immediate amily, or e+ample.
/here’s a amous episode o Seineld where social :worlds; are
discussed and how combining them is bad. /he reason or this is
that
the way we act around some people we know is not compatible
with
how we act around others.
&cting dierent is thus natural. /he only 3uestion is whether or
not you are going to be smart and play to your audience as much as
possible, or i you want to maintain your personal stance and let
the
rewards6beneits o conormity all to the wayside.
Eetting Inside 1eople’s Aeads
/he irst thing you must reali=e is that your personal perception
of yourself .and of right and wrong/ is usually "astly different
than
what others think.
It’s a distorted reality in which we live. It’s natural to believe
that the ma%ority o people have similar views as us >known as
ethnocentrism1. /his is %ust simply untrue. (ou have to reali=e this
and
watch what you say accordingly. Let people tell you what they
like
before you tell them what you like. /his gives you the upper
hand in
the conversation. I you know what they want, you’re able to give
them what they want.
Eain #rust by Letting 1eople -own on Irrele"ant 1oints
-e live in a naturally suspicious society. @or this reason, it is
essential that you gain people’s trust. #here is no better way to do
this
than to make them belie"e you are speaking against your own
best
interest. In other words! learn how to gi"e people a small
degree of
information that makes you look bad.
I it is obvious that what you are saying is not to your complete
advantage, people will naturally develop a level o trust or you.
/hey
will think :this person is willing to say things against his own
interest;.
In reality, you are acting I! your own interest. #he key is to ne"er
say
anything so against your own interest that it will hamper
getting what
you want from the other person’
(ou simply must give enough inormation or them to believe
that you are not trying to act :in your own interest;. /ell them LMK
o
what they want to hear. Ait the right buttons! but mi$ in a few
things
that are less compatible. It’s also important that you only
:disappoint;
them on airly irrelevant actors. /his re3uires you to gage what is
truly important and what isn’t. Let them down on a ew less
important
things.
(eing “3alled” on Inconsistencies
.iven that you are going to inevitably wind up being a little less
than socially sincere, it’s important to discuss ways to react to
others
potentially noticing this.
@irst o all, the chances o this ever happening are e+tremely
slim. I it does happen, most people would only bring it up in a
nonchalant way >meaning) they are %ust making conversation and
don’t really care1. I this is the case, the best thing to do is say :oh
yeah; or :yeah well you know; or something similar and simply
move
on in the conversation.
It’s important that you react without surprise or concern. If
your
body language is smooth! it will go smoothly. %ou don’t ha"e to
e$plain yourself. 2e"er e$plain yourself. #he 4(6LD#,
worst thing
you can do is act like a deer caught in the headlights and then
try to
argue your way out. (e smooth! don’t disagree! and then
change the
topic.
Okay, but what about getting called in a more serious ashion?
-hat i the person is concerned about your inconsistencies?
&gain, the deer in the headlights6e+planation is the worst way to
handle it. 0hat I like to do is simply say without emotion “I
lied”. #his
will work wonders because people will find it humorous. #hey
won’t
know what to think other than to laugh. /his also leaves you
looking in
control, conident, and seemingly unconcerned. /his is what you
want
to happen. I this doesn’t work and the person continues to press
you,
simply say “I changed my mind” and mo"e on. I the person still
continues to try and out you, turn the tables on them. 6ay “It’s
nice to
know you’re so interested in me” or something of that nature.
If you act like it’s not a big deal! it won’t be. 6tay in control.
5aintaining<Borming *elationships
In a perect world, we would never have to put eort into
orming relationships >large or small scale1. In reality, it’s an
absolute
must. /his isn’t %ust about approaching people or the irst time, it’s
also about people you deal with on a daily basis.
#here has to be some
le"el of balance to each relationship. If you’re not making
efforts to
contact<keep in touch with those you meet! e"entually these
people
will stop also .because it ser"es as a signal they are not
wanted/.
I you’re the type o person who doesn’t start conversation, call
people, approach, etc. you’re simply going to ail. "eople are not
going
to care about you and you’ll end up missing out on all the beneits
involved in having successul contacts.
One o the reasons people ail to make an eort is that they ear
re%ection >which is addressed above1, and also because that they
get
la=y. Let’s ace it, not everybody in this world is a pleasure to deal
with, but i they have something you want, you’re going to have to
grit
your teeth and go ater it.
@ollowing the advice in the above three paragraphs is an
absolute must. (ou simply cannot have a successul personality i
you
don’t work to maintain and grow relationships with people.
Eo 4fter the *ight 1eople
I you want to be popular and admired, you need to be liked by
other people who are popular and admired. @or this reason, it’s
always
best to approach and beriend those who are popular.
.oogle.com inde+es websites by rating them on a basis o
importance. If a website with a high rank links itself to your
website!
your website’s rank will automatically be raised. It takes
importance to
get importance. #he e$act same is true in the social world.
ne of the reason’s people go after those at the lower rung of
the social ladder is that it seems easier. /here is less o a threat
and
less ear o re%ection. *emember: %ou’ll not get "ery far by
taking the
easy route. (ou’re %ust wasting your time to ocus your eorts on
impressing those with little inluence.
,y going ater those at the top, you’ll position yoursel among
those people. /his also gives you easy access to all the people
below
them. &ligning yoursel with those who are respected and admired
will
almost instantly give you the same level o recognition’
It’s 2ot what %ou 6ay! It’s that %ou 6ay It’
-hile 3uality is more important than 3uantity in many things in
lie, talking is not one o them.
I doesn’t matter what you’re saying, i you’re talking people will
like you. /his is what I want you to reali=e. /he more you talk, the
better o you’ll be >within reason1. (ou have to keep this in mind.
ne common mistake people make is thinking they actually
ha"e
to ha"e something witty<funny<intelligent to say. %ou don’t.
Successul
people are talking all the time. (ou really think much o what they
are
saying is overly great? It’s not. /he reason they are successul with
people is that they are talking.
!ow, keep in mind that I’m not suggesting you talk over
everyone. I’m suggesting that you continually contribute
whether or
not you ha"e anything particularly rele"ant to say. Deep on
topic, but
don’t worry about saying something particularly inventive.
/hink about it, people talk constantly in public, how much of the
con"ersation do
you think people actually remember? 8ost people walk away
rom
conversations >particularly group conversations1 and never
mentally
return to them >or even remember them1 again’ /his is natural.
1eople
won’t remember what you’"e said! they’ll remember that you
had
something to say.
/his is another e+tremely important reali=ation you have to
make. #he content is almost meaningless! it’s all about
contributing.
%ou must contribute.
%our 3omment Eoes 6eemingly Dnnoticed
-e’ve all e+perienced this. (ou’re talking in a group o NO
people and you make a comment that is seemingly ignored. /here
are
a number o possible reasons or this. "erhaps someone else’s
remark
overshadowed yours >the LIDBL( scenario1, maybe a situational
actor
coincidentally killed your comment, maybe the topic o
conversation
was switched at the same time you introduced your remark.
2ow! the problematic personality will take this and think: they
didn’t care about what I had to say. I this is how you think, this
is
something you must work on. Aust remember, it’s a personal sign
of
weakness to be so concerned of rejection. Learn to accept that it
has
!O/$I!. to do with you’
BIB<(,OD( has times where their remark has gone unnoticed.
"ay attention to that) unnoticed. @or whatever reason, nobody
noticed.
-hat does this mean? It means you still have a clean slate. If you
take
such incidents and use it as an e$cuse to hate e"eryone and stop
talking you are screwing yourself o"er. /he reality is that, like
many
comments, yours has slipped into oblivion, which is completely
normal.
/he successul person thinks nothing o this. /he unsuccessul
person
3uestions their worth6ability and restricts uture speech. <emember
this.
-hen your comment goes unnoticed you must move on and
think nothing o it. <eally now, think about it, i you were a
successul,
liked, strong person, would it really matter? O course not. I it
naturally matters to you, practice moving on and thinking nothing
o it
>because that’s the rational response1. Aust give it a try. Deep
talking.
Ignore your doubts and move on. "retty soon those doubts will be
all
but orgotten >or unnoticed, much like you comment1.
Lose 0eight if 2eed (e
&nd you thought black people were discriminated against? 8an.
I don’t care what color your skin is or how insane the religious
nonsense you believe is, nobody in society is discriminated against
more than overweight people. I you are at, people are looking at
you
and acing a sense o empowerment and privilege rom comparing
themselves to you. I that makes you eel like shit, it should.
<eali=e
this >BS"BEI&LL( I@ (O5 &<B @B8&LB1.
I should go on. Overweight women are at an e+treme
disadvantage in society. (ou will almost never be
accepted6respected
to a air degree unless you lose weight i you are emale. I you are
male, you also should lose weight. I like to :keep it real;, or
whatever,
so I’m not going to pretend that this isn’t a bigger deal or women
than men) it is.
Don’t believe any nonsense you see on /I about Pueen Latiah
or whatever else, you 85S/ lose weight i you are noticeably
overweight. Society is very hard on overweight people >and
rankly,
this couldn’t be more obvious1. It’s not fair! it’s stupid! it’s
wrong! but
it’s reality.
I don’t care how angry you are about what you %ust read. #his is
the reality we 4LL li"e in. 4ccept it and capitali&e on it. If you
lack the
common sense to take ad"antage of this! it’s your loss. %ou’re
not
going to change the world.
Lose the Irrational -reams 7 %ou’re 2ot Eoing to 3hange the
0orld
Don’t think that someday people are going to see things your
way i you continue on the way you are. /his will never happen.
I bet you think that i you were president, you would be able to
save the world, ind peace, etc. Did you really think it was this
easy?
Do you really think you, o all people, have the answers? I can
understand i you do >because many people do *think* that way1,
but
trust me, you don’t. I it were that easy, it would have been done a
long time ago.
Look at .handi, one o the most respected6admired personalities
o all time. $e was known or his great inluence and ability to
persuade others. -e all know his most amous words) :an eye or
an
eye makes the whole world blind;. Look at the world today. $as he
made that much o a dierence? !o. "eople are killing each other
as
you read this. &nd I’m not even %ust talking about the 8uslims vs.
-esterners shit. Look at what goes on in &rica each day. "eople
are
slaughtering each other.
I’m not trying to make a political statement here. I %ust want you
to reali=e that the world is what it is. 6ociety is what it is. 1eople
are
what they are. #he only thing you ha"e the ability to
control<change is
yourself and that’s what you ha"e to do. %ou ha"e to become
compatible with society .not the other way around/.
/he bottom line here is that living with a antasy about people
someday seeing things :your way; is counterproductive. 8aybe
you
don’t like this @&E/. ,ut you must %ust accept it and move on.
8ove
beyond your antasies and accept and take advantage o the reality
you are immersed in. /hose who do this end up the best o, by ar.
Aandling 3on"ersation 7 ther 1eople Like it 0hen you #alk
to #hem
/his is the attitude you have to take everyday o your lie. Is it
actually true? O course it is. /he vast ma%ority o people love
being
talked to >assuming the time6circumstances are appropriate1. It
makes
them eel wanted, accepted and important. /hese eelings are
universally positive. Bverybody wants this. (ou have to understand
this. It’s important that you use this as an overall theme when
approaching people.
-ork rom the assumption that people want you to talk to them.
%ou 4lso -on’t 2eed to Aa"e 4nything Interesting to 6ay in
Eroup 3on"ersations
"eople who :it in; reap the most rewards in society. /hey are
the best o. I you can’t handle yoursel in everyday conversations
you’ll never be socially successul.
@irst o all, what I’m about to say applies mostly to group
situations.
/his is where you have between N and 0J people talking to each
other.
/his is not to be applied so much to romantic dates, %ob interviews,
or
anything else in which intelligent responses are e+pected.
ne common misperception socially an$ious people ha"e is
that
they must ha"e something interesting to say. /he truth is) you
don’t’
(ou simply need to say something. &s much as it pains us to
reali=e,
people %ust don’t pay that much attention to each other when there
are a number o people talking >you know this rom above1. /his is
%ust a natural phenomenon’
Don’t approach regular conversations like you would an interview
on Larry Ding Live. (ou have to reali=e this. I you look at the way
people converse, the most successful people are not the ones
who
meticulously plan each word like a mo"ie script! but those who
basically say anything! within reason! that pops into their head.
I you’re the typical reader who sees this and sarcastically
thinks) :oh that’s intelligent now;. /$IS is your problem. (ou are
thinking too much. Look, all this intelligent conversation is ine in
:one
on one; situations. ,ut, in general, i you are the type o person
who
has trouble conversing with a number o people at one time, this is
the
reason why.
.roup conversations simply work dierently. 1eople are not
paying the same le"el of attention and your remarks must
reflect that.
therwise! you may as well not be there.
#he nly 1erson 6tanding in %our 0ay is %ourself
Some people get so nervous and worked up when dealing with
other people that they simply cannot unction. -hat you have to
reali=e >or the 2Jth time1 is that being re%ected is completely
harmless. I you don’t take chances approaching people, you’re
going
to miss out on an endless number o opportunities. (ou’ll also
continue
to grow more alienated rom society as you age.
(O5 are the only person that is standing in your way. I you ail to
impress someone, or i someone re%ects you, you wind up no worse
o. So what do you have to lose?
!othing. /hat’s what you have to reali=e. Once you start going
ater people, you’ll learn to shrug o re%ections. /his is how
successul
people do it. %ou think the guy that gets rejected F times in a
club
cares when he takes home girl G@? f course not. %ou’re either
successful or you’re back where you started. If you’re not
embracing
this! you’re missing out.
(ou need to reali=e that no single person is all that important and
that other people
as a whole are your sole keys to opportunity. -hile you must try to
impress other people, ailing to impress them leaves you no worse
o.
#here is no penalty for failure.
I you work at and practice accepting this, it will eventually
become second nature to you.
Eetting "er 2er"ousness of #alking to 1eople
/he only way to overcome the an+iety you e+perience with
talking to people >naturally1, is to >01 alter how you undamentally
think about other people and >21 converse with people more
>practice
makes perect1.
/his is where the element o practice comes in. !obody learns
anything overnight. It takes time. <etraining yoursel to think
dierently inherently takes a signiicant amount o time and eort.
Aust know that as you progress, it will only get easier or you.
Losing
your an+iety is one o the irst areas in which you’ll notice your
progress. (ou may have to push yoursel at irst, but soon it will
become natural. Don’t orget to push yoursel.
%ou don’t 2eed an ,$cuse to #alk to 6omeone
/here is nothing that makes a person more respectable than one
who is able to %ust walk up to someone and smoothly talk to them.
!ow, I don’t mean to reakishly approach someone and start
talking
about some obscure topic. I mean open up conversation6or
comment
to people who are naturally in your pro+imity >standing ne+t to
you,
sitting ne+t to you already, otherwise similarly close by1.
/hink about it) when someone is so conident to think nothing o
talking with people they don’t know, do you look down upon them
or
respect them? /he vast ma%ority o people are respectul and even
envious o such an ability. I you can do this, you will
un3uestionably
become more social and likeable. /he only 3uestion is how to pull
it
o.
8ost people are unable to smoothly initiate conversation with
people they don’t know >and thus rarely do it1. $ere are some
pointers
o how you can do it)
0. /opic . (ou 85S/ speak o something relevant in the
Bnvironment. /his is usually something that %ust happened in
both your presence. -hether someone else said something,
something physically happened, etc.
"ositive) (ou’re standing in line and a couple in the periphery
starts ighting loudly with each other. (ou may comment)
:now that’s entertaining;.
!egative) (ou’re standing ne+t to someone in line at the
D8I. (ou say :so how about that war in Ira3;.
/here are three separate pieces o everyday conversation) the
intro, content and the end. /hose with social problems ear all three
o
them. $ere’s how to deal with it)
Introduction
/his is the approach phase o conversations. One person speaks
irst and the other reciprocates. "eople ear re%ection at this stage
and
it severely damages their social ability.
I you can’t enter the irst stage, it’s also impossible or you to
orm new relationships at will. (our sole source o connection is
through other people approaching you. &s you know by know,
social
people don’t approach those they believe to be anti social.
Dnless you want to let other people control who you talk to!
you’re going to ha"e to start approaching. /his way you’ll
vastly
increase the number o connections you make and get to select
who
you talk to. 4s you become more sociable! you’ll also become
more
approachable and people will start approaching you more >they
read
your body language, see other people talking with you, hear about
your rom other, etc. >in case you’re wondering how this happens1.
Eontent
One reason people chose to avoid conversations is that they ear
they won’t have anything to talk about. /he best way to combat
this is
to pick your topics >topics, not individual lines1 beorehand and
remember that you don’t need to say anything overly intuitive or
interesting >%ust make conversation1. Aust have a ew things to say.
&void interviewing people) this is a huge problem many people
have. /hey approach conversations with new people like an
interview
on the /onight Show. Don’t %ust ask 3uestions. 8ake comments
and
let the other person respond. /ry not to ask 3uestions like :what do
you do;, :where are you rom;, etc. etc. Hust talk to them like
you
already know them. If you’re able to do this! people will sense
that
you’re special because you don’t need to ask the easy +uestions
and
you’re comfortable enough to break out of traditional comfort
&ones. I
can’t emphasi=e this enough) Don’t %ust ask the easy6typical
3uestions.
&wkwardness) &wkward pauses are perhaps the most diicult
parts o conversations. /hey are also one o the reasons people are
so
positively responsive to those who talk >as they prevent
awkwardness
rom occurring1. 8y advice when it comes to awkwardness is to
end
the conversation as soon as you eel it coming. It’s like when your
house is on ire, you get out. 8ove along and resume later. Don’t
try
to ill silence by repeating yoursel, saying :yup; over and over, or
anything else.
Bnding
-hile how to end a conversation never receives much attention,
your ability to end a conversation is absolutely critical. It will help
you
both approach conversations >because you won’t have to ear
awkwardness1 and improve your social abilities.
5y ad"ice on ending a con"ersation is to make it swift! smooth!
and without e$planation. (ou don’t have to keep standing around
talking to someone. -hen you’re inished discussing what you
wanted
to discuss, get out.
(ou must reali=e that other people respond 3uite well
conversations breaking o abruptly. It’s surprisingly easy to say
:alright then;, :sounds good; or anything else and simply walk
away
rom a conversation. (ou don’t have to say goodbye or that you
have
to go or anything else. Aust say :okay; and leave. O course, you
do it
in a riendly manner, but you don’t have to make e+cuses or
yoursel.
(ou pretend you have somewhere else to go >or perhaps you really
do1
and you leave.
I you’re reading this thinking :that may leave the other person
thinking I don’t like them; you’re wrong. /his is how most people
do it.
!o e+planations, e+cuses, or anything else. /hese 3uick e+its are
painless and simple. If you go out of your way to e$cuse
yourself!
you’re going to make the other person uncomfortable.
8a+imum
courtesy is not always a good thing when it comes to
conversations.
0hen you lea"e the con"ersation this way it also puts you in a
position of power that people are naturally attracted to. -e like
people
who make things easy or us. If you make decisions on your own!
you’re going to be more respected.
So to recap) !o e+cuses, reasons, or anything else. 8ove on with
conidence.
4ct Like %ou’re 6uccessful
,ack in 0LLL, the movie &merican Dream was all the rage.
/here was a very amous line in the movie along the lines o :you
must
project an image of success to be successful”. I couldn’t agree
more.
I you want people to listen to you, notice you, respect you, and
care about you, you must show them why you are worthy o their
attention. I you pro%ect an image o success, you will achieve the
attention you deserve.
4 big part of this is not acting ner"ous. 4lways try to look as
rela$ed and calm as possible. <emember, i you act like you have
nothing to worry about, you won’t worry as much >as you know
your
physical actions impact your own state o mind1. "eople want to be
around those who are in control and rela+ed because it gives them
piece o mind. (ou want others to get this vibe o o you.
#ry 2ot to 3are #oo 5uch about 0hat ther 1eople are -oing
"art o pro%ecting an image o success involves showing a lack o
concern or the personal lives o others. &ter all, since your lie is
so
interesting, you simply don’t have the attention span, right? 8aybe
not
yet, but you must make people believe this is the case.
.ossip, critici=ing, etc. It’s easy to talk bad about people. -e
seem to thrive on it, but trust me, it won’t get you anywhere. If
you
are the type of person who doesn’t care to gossip about what
other
people are doing! what type of message does that send to
others?
Importance. /hat’s what. It makes you seem as though your
own lie is so successul and interesting that you don’t need to
relect
upon others. /he result) "eople respect you more. /his isn’t about
being a good person, it’s about making people like and respect
you’
(ecome a 6alesman
I’m not suggesting you apply or a %ob at a local car dealership,
instead I’m suggesting you alter your approach with how you deal
with
people. (ou see, everybody out there has something you want.
-hether it’s a promotion, riendship, a date, good company, a %ob,
or
a partnership, it’s useless to you i you’re unable to get what you
want
out o other people. /he only way to get what you want is to
convince
other people to give it to you.
Selling people in everyday lie is a lot like selling people in a
proessional setting. &ll the same elements are re3uired. (ou must
present an oer and persuade them to take it. I you don’t ask or,
or
otherwise make an attempt to communicate what you want, you
likely
won’t get it. Don’t be araid to ask people or what you want.
/hink o how a successul salesman acts. #hey are positi"e!
e$cited! ne"er negati"e! and build good rapport with people.
/hey
laugh when you laugh and rarely disagree with what you say. /his
is
how you have to start acting. -hen you want something rom
somebody, tell them what they want to hear. Listen to what they
are
saying because they’ll tell you want they want to hear. &gree with
them. Eompliment them. 8ake people like you by appealing to
them in
this way, and then go at them or what you want.
&sking or the sale >so to speak1 is commonly reerred to as
closing. /here are a couple o ways to close a person. /he irst is to
come right out and ask them >i.e. .so you want to go here with me
ne+t weekend?.1. /his is known as an opened ended close. -hile
this
is ar better than not closing at all, an assumpti"e close is usually
far
more successful. &n e+ample o an assumptive close would be
:let’s go
here ne+t weekend; or even :I’ll take you there ne+t weekend;.
(ou
assume they are going to say yes. ,elieve it or not, this is how
most
people actually conduct themselves and it’s what you have to start
doing as well.
8any times people drop hints, beat around the bush, try to work
around to the topic they want, etc. (ou’ll be ar more successul i
you
start closing people instead o waiting or them to make a move. It
may be more difficult! but it will be far more rewarding.
3losing 1oints
!ow that you know that personality change is possible through
behavioral change and what behavioral changes you must adopt
there’s only one thing let to do) go out and do it.
$opeully you now understand that your life will only change if
you make changes. "erhaps the most encouraging thing you’ve
learned is that you have the ability to change and improve your
lie.
Bor me! the ultimate moment in my own progress was when I
started seeing my old self in other people. -hen this occurs,
you’ll
begin to see much o the things in this book rom a new
perspective.
@or instance, you’ll really understand what it’s like to gain
empowerment rom those who are alienated socially. 8uch o the
things I’ve discussed >many I’m sure you disagreed with1 will
come to
you ull circle.
Aust know that the sooner you begin, the sooner your lie
improves. Similarly, e"eryday you wait is another wasted
opportunity.
-on’t let your life pass you by. 5ake your mo"e and don’t look
back.