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Vol. XVIII No.

10 More Sensitive Than a Testicular Boil February 4, 1997

SRollin, you are my best


boot-licker, so I have a special mission
for you. You are to head north to Albany where
you will trade sexual favors with Governor
Pataki in exchange for assurances of financial
solvency. Are you up to the
task, my boy?

SYes, Mistress Shirl.I


Your wish is my command.
Your approval is my life. Your
flesh is my paradise. Today,
differential tuition. Tomorrow,
THE WORLD! .a
NEWS I I I II ' I I I I I I II _ I · I I I I

or MEDICI
By Nancy B. Regula and in the home but wants the country to allow for "schedule I" drug, which means that it is considered
medicinal uses of marijuana. He also poses the idea a substance with no apparent medical use and a high
Does pot ever make good medicine? The advocates that the country would be better off if drug use was potency for abuse. Current medical research suggests
of Proposition 215 seem to think so. On Election Day in viewed as a medical problem and not a criminal one. no support for the claim that pot has any use in the
California, Proposition 215 was passed, 56 percent to Since 1994 Soros has given $15 million dollars to alleviation of pain or anxiety but never before has the
44. The policy issue behind the campaign was who is drug-study programs in the United States and gave FDA approved the possibility of testing it. The wor-
in control of America's drug laws, the government or almost $1 million dollars to support Proposition 215 ries that plauge citizens now are not the act of mari-
the people. The greater issue though is the challenge to in California and Arizona last year. Soros has also juana being provided to people so much as the worry
current drug laws. The first step is tolerance to certain hired theoreticians of the decriminalization move- that this will open the door for greater drug use.
uses of drugs in the medical field. The public is being ment to staff the foundations he supports. Soros And this is exactly what some, but not all, of the
exposed to a more merciful reason to moderate current believes that Americans have a totalitarian mentality backers of these initiatives wanted. A more lenient
laws against the use of marijuana. when it comes to drugs and refuse to believe that regulation of laws willl lead to more availability and
Medical uses for marijuana seem to be far reaching. drug policy is doing more harm than the drugs them- acceptabilty of marijuana and other drugs.
Federal drug-enforcement officials believe that using selves by filling prisons with nonviolent users and Barry R. McCaffrey, director of the Office of National
marijuana is useless and perilous. However the effect keeping the drug trade in the criminal underground. Drug Control Policy, the drug czar, has publically warned
of marijuana on the body claims otherwise. Soros hopes that there will be a move towards legal- doctors not to break the federal law by prescribing mari-
Researchers have discovered that the active ingredi- ization, starting with making medical marijuana juana. He does not think that it is dangerous for
ent in cannabis, THC, closely resembles a chemical available to the sick. Americans to use marijuana as medicine but he feels that
that the body makes naturally. The brain has receptor Despite the passing of the bill in California which there is no proof that it is any better than already available
sites that can detect the chemical and the sites are allows doctors to prescribe marijuana, drug-enforce- treatment. He feels that before we go rushing into emrac-
located in the region responsible for motor activity, ment officials are challenging the new initiatives in ing medicinal use of marijuana we should test out its
concentration, and short-term memory. Marijuana court and have vowed to punish any doctor who pre- effectability. McCaffrey thinks it is clear that the California
can disrupt all of these functions if detected by the scribes cannabis to their patients. Such statements proposition and others like it are pushing for the legaliza-
brain. Now that laws have been passed in certain work to enrage a politically potent intrest group, doc- tion of drugs, masking it in a concern for the patients it
states which allow for therapeutic use doctors can tors. Doctors feel that they should defend their right to proposes to be fighting for.It sends mixed messages to the
prescribe marijuana to suffering patients. Some of the practice their profession as they see fit. Many feel that youth who are using drugs in increasing numbers.
people who benefit from the government lift on the the government has no place in the examination room. Making drugs present in the medical field makes it seem
medical use of the drug are cancer chemotherapy and Actions by the Federal drug-enforcement officials to good and decent.
AIDS patients. For these people marijuana improves find and punish any doctors and patients who discuss However McCaffrey's statements have prompted a
appetite and alleviates vomiting and nausea. Other marijuana as an alternative treatment are threatening group of California physicians to file suit claiming their
uses include the releif of muscle spasms associated to step on First Amendment rights concerning freedom rights to advise their patients are being infringed. So the
with epilepsy and multiple sclerosis as well as people of speech between patients and doctors. Society has policy issue remains-who is in control of the drug policy,
suffering from glaucoma. long supported privileged communication in certain the public voters or the federal government? Certainly
At the forefront of the campaign for Proposition 215 relationships, such as that between a lawyer and client public policy should reflect the publics view but poll after
is billionaire financier and philanthropist George or a priest and parishoner. Such privacy should also be poll reveal that no voters want to legalize pot or any other
Soros. In America, Soros has attacked the notion that extended to that between patient and doctor and not drug. The theory is that medicinal use is a gateway to
the drug problem can be solved by the courts and have to be jeopardized due to fears by either party. higher abuses. So the public and policy makers remain
cops. Soros condemns the use of drugs in the schools For years the governmenthas listed marijuana as a confused and the battle continues.

MEDIA INFATUATED WITH MADELEINE ALBRIGHT


By Norman Solomon many liberal commentators express fondness for own vital interests." Left unexamined by news
Albright. In a typical testimonial, columnist coverage are crucial questions: Whose "vital inter-
Madeleine Albright may have charmed Jesse Christopher Matthews proclaimed her latest pro- ests" is she talking about? Who's being protected
Helms on her way to Senate confirmation as secre- motion "a tonic to the country's mood." - Wall Street or most Americans?
tary of state, but she was merely flirting with a A lot of pundits have lauded Albright's ascension Neither mainstream journalists nor Albright's
powerful lawmaker. Her real political love affair is as a breakthrough for feminism. In the same spirit, feminist boosters seem interested in exploring who
with the national press corps. Sen. Dianne Feinstein of California asserted that profits and who suffers as this nation's diplomatic
This winter, both Time and Newsweek have Albright's rise to secretary of state "will open up bandwagon rolls forward. When it comes to issues
described Albright as "media-savvy." She now new doors for women - not just in this country that many liberals and women's groups profess to
elicits reverence from many journalists transfixed but around the world." be passionate about, Albright is well situated to get
with her new superstardom as the highest-ranking Top officials of the National Organization for a free ride.
woman ever in the U.S. government. Women joined with leaders of other influential More curious observers might wonder why key
These days, old friends on the media mound are feminist groups last fall to pressure the White members of former President Reagan's foreign-
pleased to lob slow-pitch questions at Albright - House on behalf of Albright - and then claimed policy team - such as U.N. Ambassador Jeane
and then lavish praise on her ability to hit them out credit as soon as she got the president's nod. This Kirkpatrick and Secretary of State George Shultz-
of the park. It's not too tough to awe journalists is the kind of narrow, shortsighted "feminism" that have gone out of their way to praise Albright as a
who are eager to be impressed. confuses symbols with substance. fine choice to run the State Department.
Before she began her four-year stint as U.N. Across the globe, poverty is especially devastat- Albright is quite good at playing to the media
ambassador in 1993, Albright was a regular analyst ing for women. Meanwhile - now more than ever and she is acutely aware of their importance.
for the "MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour" on PBS. -Albright is implementing the edicts of an During her tenure as U.N. ambassador, she
Weeks ago, when Bill Clinton named her to be sec- administration that has put harsh economic agen- referred to CNN as "the 16th member of the
retary of state, the NewsHour reported with pride: das at the center of its foreign policy. In practice, Security Council." The day after being sworn in as
"Her ease in explaining American foreign policy, that has meant pushing and cajoling Third World secretary of state, she appeared as a guest on
which President Clinton mentioned in his remarks governments to cut public-sector subsidies for CNN's "Larry King Live."
today, was honed partly on the NewsHour." food, health care, housing and education. Madeleine Albright may be media-savvy. But,
Albright provides tasty sound bites for reporters These "reform" measures are being promoted by under the circumstances, that's hardly cause for
and news consumers who relish glib lines-of-the- the State Department as well as global agencies celebration.
day. Taunting Saddam Hussein and Fidel Castro like the World Bank and the International
has become one of her specialties. But she never Monetary Fund. Their prescriptions are popular
seems to muster any outrage at repressive regimes with investors. But poor women and families the Norman Solomon is a syndicated columnist and
thnt the White House looks upon with favor - world over are bearing the brunt of policies that co-author (with Jeff Cohen) of "Through the Media
whether China, Turkey or Saudi Arabia. slash at already-threadbare safety nets. Looking Glass: Decoding Bias and Blather in the
Perhaps because she's adept at lacquering her "We are not a charity or a fire department," News."
hard-edged rhetoric with a humanitarian sheen, Albright said recently. "We will defend firmly our

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 2


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NEWS/OPINION

DI STURBING THE PEACE


By Chris Sorochin pens to be employed at the drinking estab- What was really spooky about this was
lishment where this psychodrama is that he was actually grateful to the wretch-
"I can't go around furnishing brains to the unfolding, goes along to act as a witness es for not giving him a ticket. When his kid
police; it is not to be expected." and to scavenge any stray bits of gossip- remarked, "That cop was an ass," he told
-Mark Twain, worthy material that the principal players him to shut up. This impresses me as an
"My First Lie and How I Got Out of It." may miss. unwise parenting choice. The cop was an ass
What happened was this: the. two kids, and it really undermines credibility to insist
There I was, at my habitual Port Jeff being 14, had proceeded to "crank the that kids refer to up as down and proclaim
watering hole,trying desperately to tunes, dude" and put on the headlights. that 2+2=5.
unwind after a long, frustrating day of They were interfering with the faux- Nefertiti added the crowning touch of sur-
desk-jockey servitude. The man next to me Victoriari tranquility that Port Jeff strives realism by telling the man, "This is why you
was engrossed in the col- for. It also seems that it's a should vote Democratic." She must be refer-
lege basketball game on TV, violation of some obscure ring to the Democratic Party of Egypt; surely
saying he was a coach him- motor vehicles statute to she can't mean the Clintonoid pod-people
self for a local youth group. have the car running and who are busily making every conceivable
Having a finely-tuned nobody in it with a license. effort (and some that aren't) to out-
writer's sensibilities for So what does Officer Republican the Republicans in hastening the
character detail, I sized him Einstein do? The sensible end of the sacred right to go about one's
up as the sort of stolid, civi- course of action would have affairs free from official harassment. I must
cally-involved, higher- been to explain to the young be "soft on crime" to even entertain the
wage, basically conserva- men, in a friendly and polite notion that a person should be able to have a
tive working man that's manner, that they were in couple of drinks without being given a tem-
very common in these violation and ask them to perance lecture by some twit in a blue shirt.
parts. At various intervals, kindly turn off the car or he'd On a subsequent trip to the Metropolitan
his 14-year-old son and his be forced to write them a Museum to view sarcophagi and mummi-
equally pubescent friend costly summons. This fied organs, I ask Nefertiti if the "victim"
came in and out, waiting approach is also good for could retaliate by not giving Code
for the game to end and a rnmminitr
-,,,,Li.L
rlalqinntc:
i..i. IIV LA
%; -nfn-
.V, «LAV7I L.li. j ,VL J.L Enforcement freebies for their Fourty of July
lift home. tially delinquent youth would have an weenie roast. "Only if he's able to make
The two kids aren't supposed to be in the example of law enforcement personnel as sure he never doubles parks or violates
bar, so dad gives them the keys to the car so reasonable human beings rather than even the tiniest rule ever again."
they can wait someplace warm. autnoritarian dick- Things could
A bit later, who should stroll in but one of heads. always be
Port Jefferson's Code Enforcement officers. In contrast, our glo- worse, howev-
The Incorporated Village of Port Jefferson, rified hall monitor er. At least
in its infinite wisdom and paranoia, main- radioed for reinforce- everyone in my
tains an overstaffed and overzealous force ments so that there little anecdote is
of SCPD-wannabes. Their main function is was a grand total of white and mid-
to harass tourists for trivial offenses and SEVEN officers. dle-class and
draw some extra revenue into village cof- That's right, JEVE thus
- ^ 1 fr _ i-* not
fers by writing tickets for said piddling an inve police cars .cue up "Alice's marked tor systematic and regular police
transgressions. Restaurant") to confront two teenagers with harassment. The street outside my apart-
I guess that whatever comic opera high a loud radio and a CYO basketball coach. I ment building is a favorite place for Suffolk
command satisfies its lust for arbitrary don't mean to read anything too sinister County pull-overs. They show up five cars at
power in this way has decided to utilize the into this. It was a dreary winter evening and a time, lights flashing all over hell at all
winter off-seasons as an opportunity for the they all flocked to where whatever lacklus- hours of the night. They stay a good long
troops to practice maneuvers on the locals. ter excitement was going down. They really time and, because it's a low-income area, no
Barney Fife requests should get out more often. It one complained. I'd like to see them try that
that the man next to kinda makes you wonder crap in Old Field or some other such enclave.
me accompany him what sort of social pool they Just at 5:15 this morning, they were tor-
outside. The guy recruit these guys from. menting some middle-aged African-
doesn't ask why, Anyway, the father is American man driving a jeep, probably on
which strikes me as a advised to "restrain" the suspicion of DWB (Driving While Black). It
mistake (I'm against youngsters and take them is a fairly well-documented fact (someone
unquestioning obedi- home in a cab, no less, in California videotaped the highway patrol
ence to authority, in because he's been drinking., and was predictably hounded for his
case you haven't He's not trashed or anything efforts) that black people get special atten-
noticed). Another and the rent-a-cops don't tion from the minions of the law, particular-
demonstration of how have a breathalyzer, although ly if they happen to be driving something
organized athletics I'm sure they'd dearly love judged inappropriate for their ethnic group.
can sap the spirit of independent thought. one. But I guess they could always lie in wait Maybe when more of "us" have had experi-
In the absence of a video camera -isn't it for him and then rat him out to their big ences similar to what "they" undergo, we'll
just amazing how technology has revolu- brothers on the Suffolk County force, so he's have what is sorely needed in our country:
tionized law enforcement- my friend obliged to hang out for another hour until greater civilian control of police forces,
"Nefertiti" (not her real name), who hap- it's "safe" to venture out. large and small.

FEBRUARY 4,1997 PAGE 3


EDITORIALS
A TALE OF MONOPOLIES
AND TOO LONG LINES
A few days ago, while standing on line in the against in a court of law. We cannot blame
Union Deli, it ocurred to us that the lines for Aramark wholly for failing to meet our needs,
McDonald's in post-communist Russia were what we must do is examine the collegiate tradi-
probably shorter than those suffered through at tion of proviling little, if any competition, on the
the Union Deli. traditionally hermenutic college campus.
Given the testimony of random students on Many campuses, have , of late, installed what
campus, we feel it is safe to assert that many stu- could be likened to malls in their student
dents on campus would appreciate a part time Unions. Shirley has similar plans for us in the
job. Why then, is the Union Deli constantly form of the campus village and as of yet has met
understaffed? little resistance in her ongoing sojourn to sell
More than once last week we saw a Deli man- USB to the highest bidder. Perhaps it is truth
ager take the helm at the cash register only for they speak when we hear that the cost of
her to announce that her particular register Universty education is in constant rise while
would only accept Advantage cards, thus leaving University tuition creeeps to an all-time low-
cash paying students miffed, and on a much then again maybe its just opportunistic bullshit.
longer line than meal card plan holders. Either way, you would think more students
These are the type of conditions that usually would be dismayed by the thought that their
lead to class action lawsuits involving charges of learning center is slowly being morphed into
monopoly, but such charges would never be fea- nothing more than an extension of the
sible on a college campus, where a food provider Smithhaven Mall, but apparently that is not the
is specifically contracted to create the type of pressing subject during rush week.
monopoly conditions most communities rail

THE BACK-STABBING TEXAN


Your Administration has betrayed you. University dismantling plans, yet she and her robber barons in
President Shirley Strum Kenny's ongoing bid to tow choose to shake hands and take promo shot
change Stony Brook into a fund-raising elite col- after promo shot with those whom she should take
lege is proceeding as scheduled. After having every public opportunity to discredit and political-
fought for differential tuition, our President consis- ly destroy.
tently portrays an amicable image of her relation- Yet she kisses ass.
ship with those powers that be (Pataki, D'Amato, President Kenny and Differential Tuition-advo-
Bruno, DeRussy, LaValle, et. al.) at the state level cate/ Provost Rollin Richmond DO NOT REPRE-
who are seeking to turn the SUNY system into a SENT YOUR INTERESTS. Not here, not in
rich white suburban kids Ivy-league wannabe Albany.
enclave. The Thursday, January, 30 cover of The
Only those able to afford private school tuition Statesman featured the following highlighted quote
rates will be able to attend Stony Brook and many by an unidentified student: "[Kenny] is up against a
of the other large SUNY schools. Pataki's plans for lot of opposition and yet she stands up for our
SUNY lie along the design specifications laid out rights."
by the conservative. Christian grass-roots action That students on this campus can still believe this
committee known as Change New York. The con- shows that Kenny's media-outlet mastery is worth
servative takeover of a once-proud and rational every effort she and her spin-doctor associates
state has been given a hearty helping hand by a make.
President's team that has forgotten who it is sup- Kenny and Richmond have publicly acknowl-
posed to represent. edged the fact that differential tuition will serve to
President Kenny has the option of forming a tight homogenize Stony Brook.
stUient-Administration coalition against Patakis That'sjust
t the milky-white way she'd like it.

AIns
,,a d'?. D•i
•].Ief _•[lated? I .n,!• I.tr[igued?i Peiritu-,-FJ• l~rbe .

WiiicR IlkTEi-T,,H1E PRE'•!• SSll]•• l•t


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We
aIcc e!p!t commentary and-lettersto theedito
III I
*BEST SENSE OF
HUMOR
*HONORABLE MENTION FOR HELLRAISING

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 4


----- - - OPINION

(4 Nft CE w? TO VICI, RUT WWO WOWLD W4NJT TO OVE T$EEO?)


By Philip Russo Jr. (The Fish) looked rather dismayed at the awful job I was low along. Many people spoke that day, on a num-
doing on the windows, and then invited me, a ber of important topics such as womyn's issues,
It was a bright and sunny day about two weeks lowly serf, into the spacious and impeccably clean and the role of the Federal Government in our
ago when I first came across the flier for The Stony Press office. After small talk over tea and biscuits, lives. But the most rousing speech was given by a
Brook Press open house. The flier was a beautiful the others began to arrive. While I was sitting there man of great respect on this campus, Features
shade of pink and the greeting on it was obvious- watching the distinguished men and women of Editor Lowell Yaeger. Mr. Yaeger spoke on the
ly written by a very poetic soul. The flier invited The Press stroll in, all I could think of was that I importance of the media on a college campus, and
me to join the hearty bunch of rascals who produce was in The Press office. Eating! For those of you throughout the world. "A man," he said, "must
The Press on a bi-monthly basis, for "Sparkling who do not understand why I was in such awe, I perform his duties as a reporter dilligently, without
Conversation". So on the day of the open house, I will explain. Ever since I have come to this college, any misrepresentation of the truth." Lowell then
awoke at 6:30 AM with a spring in my step and a I have looked upon The Press as the only bastion of went on to say that "a man is only great as long as
smile on my lips. I quickly opened my closet and morality and good taste on this campus. So sitting the people trust him to tell the truth." I sat silently
found my best suit. (Until then I had only dared to on the plush, velvet-covered couch, in the office of as words such as "responsibility" and "honesty"
wear such an outfit to church, for fear of the other my obsession, was the most exciting thing that I were given new meanings in my mind. I do not
boys and girls making fun of me.) I then dressed had ever experienced in my life. All of the mem- believe that I will ever forget that speech for as
with the care and fervor of new lovers exploring bers of The Press were soon present, and silently long as I live. When the speech was over, I once
each other's bodies. When I arrived at The Press at sat hands folded on their laps, until a young man again wept openly, and I had to stand up and ask
8:00 AM, I realized that I had about five hours to who introduced himself as Sir John Giuffo to be excused. I walked outside and could hear
kill. So I began, as any good student of this fine announced that we were to begin this open house loud rock and roll music blasting from an office a
institution would, cleaning the windows of The with a singing of "The Star-Spangled Banner". few doors down, and decided I would rather cry in
Press office in preparation of the arrival of the Next, the Business Manager, Martha Chemas, the company of friends than have my senses
God-like men and women who make up the edito- raised the flag of the United States to full mast and assaulted in such a crass manner. At the end of the
rial staff. And then I saw him, standing on the hori- we began to sing. Led by the beautiful and talent- open house, we were all invited to partake in some
zon like a beacon of hope in a darkened sea, the ed Photo Editor, Jeanne Nolan, we sang until I more tea and biscuits and were officially welcome
Reverend David M. Ewalt. He soon began to walk openly wept on the shoulder of my friend, Michael as part of The Stony Brook Press family. It is unfor-
towards me, slowly and majestically, his move- Kramer. After the song, we all sat and pamphlets tunate that I will now have to kill David Ewalt, so
ments as fluid as those of a beautiful swan. He were distributed so that the new people could fol- I can assume the position of Executive Editor.

I I -

MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR JESTER HELMS-BURTON CONTINUED


By El Paisa By El Paisa

A tyrant in a far away land holds his people under an iron fist. Dissension from the Recently President Clinton delayed the passing of an article in the Helms-Burton act
despot's wishes is often fatal and all subjects are expected to sing and smile as they toil which allowed for litigation against foreign companies that choose to invest in Cuba. For
from day to day. a brief second, the thought passed through my head that perhaps Bill had taken a stand on
Our tyrant is specifically evil in that he holds his country to be a giant toy out of which something. I was wrong. The news of the President's six month postponement of the law
he draws great enjoyment, often from their suffering. The king's puppets infiltrate the local came to me through National Public Radio, which is usually a reliable source of objective
towns in search of acts that might entertain the king. Oppressed peasants use song, dance, news coverage. As the report continued, I found that I was to be disappointed withN.P.R.,
and comedy to forget their struggle and vent their frustrations. The most talented of these as well.
are selected to perform before the king, his family, and friends. If all goes well and the In retrospect, I see that I've been naive to assume that thirty-some odd years of inten-
peasants please the king, they are showered with wealth and popularity beyond their tional misleading of the American people could be surmounted by facts and common
dreams. On-stage the performer is lauded by his ruler, offstage he is once again one of the sense. The radio broadcast reported the President's reason for postponing the law as being
masses. To his people, the entertainer is a hero, a superstar, he has gotten "in" and stands an increase in international pressure for human rights in Cuba. It is here where my prob-
as the hope for the eastern people. Along with these shows of stage and field, the king lem begins: how is it that a country who trades heavly with nations like China, Saudi
gives large dinners, after which the most talented of the peasant fighters beat each other, Arabia, Kuwait, Peru, and gives full support to said governments has the audacity to lead,
again if they please wealth and recognition are their reward. rather force, a crusade for human rights? We all know how humane Chinese officials are
Our tyrant is not only evil but deviously intelligent as well. You ask why does he give to students protesting for human rights - anyone remember the tanks, guns, and mas-
wealth and recognition to the people he hopes to control? The answer is simple; the man sacres? Those friendly oil-producing states'are indeed the bastions of human rights when
empowers those that pose no threat to his authority. The common, the ordinary, the lay they equate females to property. And Peru? It happens that those angry guerrillas in the
man, the base of the ideological chain receive the wealth and popularity. Peasants too con- Japanese ambassador's house seem to have a gripe with the govrnment encasing prisoners
cerned with their survival for too long, peasants who have been forced to cheat, lie, and in perpetual solitary confinement. This means no light, no visitors, a living tomb if you
steal in order to eat, it is to these men and women that wealth and power is relegated. And will, unless you chose to escape it all by bashing your skull into the concrete as several
here lies the tyrant's demented sense of humor, he gives the peasants a possible relief from prisoners have done - sounds pretty humane!
his tyranny only to see it squandered on useless and impotent luxuries. Great feasts, fancy To be clear, human rights abuses in other countries neither deny nor excuse their exis-
carriages, exuberant robes, and jewelry are all bought by the performer in order to satiate tence in Cuba. Back to the news report - in the interest of validity an N.P.R. correspon-
his two primal drives; one is to fill the absence of these goods in his previous life, and sec- dent reports from Cuba with tales of no food, tractors but no gasoline, and a country forced
ondly he is driven to convince his people and himself that the robes and carriages will in into the middle ages. By the end of the report, we are left with a picture of a barren land
fact make him equal to the ruler. Because the people want him to be accepted, because they with starving people, and implicity a rich and gluttonous dictator. What the reporter fails
need him to be their hope, they ignore the fact that their hero is only accepted when he per- to mention is that there is a lack of everything in Cuba, in large part because the U.S. has
forms, when he entertains, when acts to please. used all of its global might to isolate the island from the rest of the world. How can a coun-
Now this isn't to say that the people of our distant city lack a rebellious spirit, nor effec- try run farms if it is kept from trading foodstuffs for gas, how can an economy grow if all
tive venues through which to impose it, but as mentioned their tyrant is clever, has many markets are closed and only a few daring countries will trade with Cuba?
agents, and is quick to crush any dissent. The tyrant's job is made easier for when a rebel- The embargo is meant to starve the Cuban people into revolting, it is condemned by
lious man or group is crushed the peasants shed a tear, and continue to be blinded from nations throughout the world. It does not promote human rights in Cuba but rather keeps
action by the glimmering gold on the king jester's coat. On this they focus, captivated, they medicine and food from the people. It is no more complicated than this, the genuine con-
provide no threat to the king nor support to their cause, they remain a rich source of enter- cern for "human rights" is a farce, a smokescreen used to impose right-wing ideology on
tainment and humor, a sad black joke. a sovereign nation. Why not take all of the naval and marine forces blockading Cuba and
Shaq, Mike, Alomar, Bonilla, and all the funny men and actors, charity is bullshit, wake use them to carry the warehoused surplus of American grain to the starving Haitians, the
up and uplift the people. Be specific, you ask? A multimillion dollar Asian center will soon starving elderly in the inner cities who survive on catfood, rebuild the Mississippi delta,
be built on-campus. Why not a Black center? Why not a Latino center? Why not both? Ask but that would mean taking a stand and using common sense, and expecting this from
yourself when you cheer, laugh, or buy a movie ticket. Overwhelmed by the scraps of politicians is naive, expecting it from the American people is hopeless.
humanity bestowed on our brothers and sisters in the entertainment industry we lose
vision, we lose courage, we stagnate and lose.

FEBRUARY 4. 1997 PAGE 5


NEWS 1 · ·

X~i

M-M -
.........
I

THE BLACK PANTHER PARTY: "GET RID OF BOBBY SEALE!


By Boyd McCamish objective was to raise black political awareness The Panthers formed in October 1966 under
and to overturn white status quo supremacy. the leadership of Huey P. Newton and Bobby
"Predictably, the most serious of the FBI's dis- Garvey's organization was known as the Seale. Despite the media portrayal as actively
ruption programs [between 1956 and 1971] were Universal Negro Improvement Association violent and militant in nature they were actual-
those directed at "Black Nationalists." These (UNIA). After Garvey's arrest the UNIA was ly a community based organization. The now
programs ...initiated under liberal democratic split apart. With such incredible power and infamous 'ten-point plan' which the Panthers
administrations, had as their purpose "to overall authority, Hoover committed incredible attemoted to implement
. .. .. ..... . was...
.f bv
._ all
J. intemreta-
_ ..-... .&..
. . .
expose, disrupt, misdirect, tions, well within the bounds of the
discredit, or otherwise constitution and totally lawful.
neutralize the activities of Hoover couldn't care less and was
black nationalist, hate-type quoted by the New York Times as
organizations and group- saying the Panthers were "the great-
ings, their leadership, est (single) threat to the internal
spokesman, membership, security of the country."
and supporters" ...Agents The Panthers sought to organize
were instructed to "inspire what they called the "lumpen".
action in instances where Bringing together gang-members,
circumstances warrant." prostitutes and the underclass, Seale
Specifically, they were to and his cohorts wanted to organize
undertake actions to dis- the unorganized and start a new
credit these groups both political movement. The Black
within the "responsible Panther Party stood for community
Negro community" and to control of politics and economic self-
"Negro radicals," and also sufficiency. The FBI saw the ability
"to the white community, the Panther members had of forming
both the responsible com- coalitions and inc'reao itq momhpr-
munity and to 'liberals' Martin
M Luther
L er Kiing marches with Floyd McKusic and Stokely Carmichael (right)
I (right)
ship. In just two years the Panthers
'W-%.L& LL% •LLO
LA .LL' LL.. V9•:A.L.LL1CJ.

who have vestiges of sympathy for militant time and effort to see that "blacks stayed in their had 5,000 members and an even larger coalition
black nationalists. place." His actions were known to every admin- organization.
-Noam Chomsky istration in his time. He also had Congresses' Hoover set out, as he had so many times before
full approval. to successfully break up the organization by cre-
Conscious disruptive campaigns by the feder- The great depression brought about such ating dissent and suspicion amongst the mem-
al goverunent against black organizations can incredible economic misery that few groups bership. By pitting Seale against members
of the
be traced back to 1917. In dealing with what was were able to successfully campaign and form United Slaves US, the
FBI successfully instigat-
termed "red summer", Hoover sought to incor- memberships. However, from 1941 to 1966 the ed murders, divorces and overall
confusion.
porate his actions against communist elements FBI conducted a massive campaign against the One incident involved setting up a fake
to include blacks. In this case however, blacks NAACP. Remarkably, despite using 151 infor- mishap whereby civil
rights leader Stokley
need only attempt to organize themselves for mants and compiling over 3,000 wiretaps no Carmicheal would
be thought to be a CIA oper-
the purposes of collective bargaining in order to charges were ever filed. The FBI lobbied hard to ative. Also, the FBI produced cartoons,
which it
qualify for special prosecution. Marcus Garvey have the entire membership of the NAACP list- sent to both the US and
the BPP which depicted
was a man who took it one step further, he ed as communists. Only a series of Supreme either party wanting to kill leaders
of the other.
attempted to organize blacks to better their posi- Court rulings kept them from having to list The FBI constantly tried
to take away popular
tion in society. He became one of the most want- themselves with the federal government as 'sub- support
by claiming that the BPP was an anti-
ed men of his time, his crime, at least on paper versives'. After effectively suppressing the Semitic organization. Thus, upsetting and
was a fabricated fraud charge, he served five NAACP, the FBI turned to the Southern unnerving many Jewish supporters.
years. After serving in World War I many blacks Christian Leadership Conference SCLC. The Despite the gun-toting pictures of BPP mem-
returned angry at the fact that their nation con- bureau did everything it could to distract and bers and the false charges, the BPP
tried to do
tinued to disregard them after their service. As a complicate the civil rights movement. Out in the what others only dream
of; create a popular
result, many lively and thought provoking black west, away from the southern civil rights move- political movement for
the most downtrodden.
journals began to surface. Many of which were ment something was brewing. Unaware at the Apparently America isn't ready
for that.
militant in content. Garvey began what was time, Hoover would soon turn his energy and
known as the "New Negro" movement; its resources against the Black Panther Party BPP.

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 6


I I I NEWS

By David M. Ewalt struggle for Black civil rights throughout American history. testing over a million African-Americans for sickle-cell
They'd tried democracy, peaceful protest, and non-vio- anemia. Today, they remain mostly a historical memory,
In the fall of 1966, two young, Black college students sat lence, and had been met with police dogs, tear gas, and not an active political force. The members of the Panthers,
in an Oakland apartment trying to think up a name for their gunfire. Now was the time for them to defend themselves. however, are far from inactive, and on February 5th Bobby
new political organization. The two radicals, Huey Newton And so the Black Panther Party was born. Seale came to Stony Brook to prove just that.
and Bobby Seale, were tired of the ineffectual, all-talk The Panthers first came to prominence with their Seale is now the head of "REACH," an organization
organizations that dominated the scene. "Police Patrols." During which promotes self-reliance and community activism. In a
Newton and Seale were enraged and these patrols, they would speech sponsored by the Minority Planning Board, Seale
fed up; they wanted a movement that follow and observe police spoke about how today's students can get involved in the
would create change and promote officers to make sure they continuing struggle for civil rights and human liberty.
human liberty, that would fight for the weren't abusing their pow- Seale addressed an enraptured crowd for over two hours,
civil rights of African-Americans ers. The Panthers also car- explaining how our society's revolutionary elements need
specifically, but promote the interests ried loaded weapons along to form coalitions and pursue common goals. He spoke on
of all humankind. with them, ready to defend current African-American movements and African
To achieve this goal, Seale, Newton, themselves or others should Nationalism, saying, "I believe in Black Unity, but only as
and several of their friends had created the police decide to do a catalyst to unify this world." He also said that the per-
a new group based on a ten-point plat- something stupid. Newton ception that all White people are the enemy is "xenophobic
form and program; an agenda of social had practically memorized bullshit"; and that all groups need to work together, to
goals and demands for their the California gun laws, and obtain "all power, for all the people." The government and
Constitutional rights. It was a cohesive they operated entirely within popular historians have often pigeonholed the Panthers as a
mission, led by strong and committed legal boundaries -- carrying violent "bunch of hoodlums," but Seale proved they were
individuals, but there was still the loaded shotguns and pistols much more than that, that their goals were of unity and the
problem of a name, to defend themselves, but common good. "It's about human liberation," he said.
But then, while flipping through a never pointing them at Bobby Seale now has a book, "Seize The Time," out in
pile of the many social and cultural someone or starting a fight. stores. It's a history of the Panthers and an exposition of his
periodicals they subscribed to, Seale The presence of these views, and should be a fascinating read. He's also working
stopped on a pamphlet from the Lawrence County Freedom armed revolutionaries attracted a great deal of attention, on a movie version of the book, to counteract the "complete
Organization, a civil rights group in Mississippi. Their let- which was, in fact, one of their goals. By making their pub- bullshit" of the recent movie "Panther." He's also actively
terhead featured a drawing of a black panther, meant as a lic presence known, the Panthers were able to attract new promoting his website (www.bobbyseale.com) and is a fer-
counterpoint to the rooster logo of a white-supremacist members and increase their political power, organizing the vent promoter of using new technologies to organize and
group based in the same area. Seale and Newton pondered "political-electoral machine." liberate.
the implications of the panther; when backed into a corer, Over the next few years, the party grew and grew, even- If you're interested in civil rights, revolutionary move-
they thought, a panther will try to go left to escape. If it's tually encompassing more than 5000 members in forty-five ments, or anything at all progressive or radical, you should
blocked, it'll try going to the right... and then if it finds it cities. They organized and contributed to the community, know Bobby Seale. He's a man of great vision, who helped
can't get away, eventually the panther will strike. providing free breakfasts daily to more than 250,000 kids bring about great change in the past, and is still working
The two revolutionaries saw this as an allegory for the before school, opening preventative medical clinics and for the future.

M6.I.j
nEjor onlicina.e Mnmamada Cnnkin'! Every

''1 "",V "s" "" %FIWW'" S


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EBRUARY 4, 1997 PAGE 7
J_
NEWS I · - · · I s ,

z
Contract Meeting for T.A.s and G.A.s
By Scott West
~ :Mk~t
Extra membership cards and ballots will be Full coverage for doctor visits will increase from
available at the February 6 meeting. 10 to 15 per year, with 80% coverage for further
The Graduate Student Employees Union has Departmental stewards also have membership visits beyond a $100 deductable. Other
won its second contract and its members are cards as does the GSEU office in SBS 404N. improvements include better coverage for diag-
invited to learn more about how the changes The GSEU was formed to fight the exploita- nostic tests. A statewide joint labor/manage-
will affect them. tion of graduate student workers, who often ment committee on health care will be estab-
Teaching Assistants and Graduate Assistants worked without adequate health insurance or lished in response to the frequent disputes over
are invited to meet in Javits Lecture Hall 109 rights to due process on the job. SUNY resist- coverage and care.
this Thursday, February 6, at 7 PM to discuss ed for 15 years, but in 1992 T.A.s and G.A.s The grievance proceedure, which gives the
the workplace changes in the GSEU's second were finally permitted to hold a certification membership the right to contest certain on the
contract. GSEU members will have the election. Graduate employees voted 6-1 in job situations has been expanded.
opportunity to vote by mail-in ballot on the favor of joining the GSEU. GSEU members Wages for T.A.s and G.A.s have been stag-
new contract. endorsed their first contract with the state of nant for years. Following the successful com-
Present at the meeting will be Kathleen Sims New York six months later. pletion of ratification, T.A.s and G.A.s will
president of the GSEU and Joy Mahabir, That first contract expired in June 1995. Since recieve $275 bonus this semester. In the
Executive Committee representative and chair then, representatives from each of the SUNY Spring of 1998, another $350 lump sum bonus
of the Stony Brook GSEU Steering Committee centers have negotiated in Albany with repre- will be given, along with a 3.5% wage
Sims is a graduate English student at SUNY sentatives of SUNY and the Governor's Office increase: A second 3.5% wage increase will
Albany. Joy Mahabir is a doctoral student and of Employee Relations. Negotiations were final- follow in the Spring of 1999.
former steward in the English department at ly concluded at just after midnight on January GSEU Stony Brook staff made a trip Friday
Stony Brook. 17, 1997. Over the nineteen months of contract January 31 to brief Teaching Assistants at the
T.A.s and G.A.s, who have signed union negotiations negotiators from Stony Brook have Brooklynn Health Science Center on the new
membership in the past, have already included Casmir Adler-Ivanbrook and Charles contract. About 100 GSEU members work in
recieved a ballot with a contract summary at Wright, of the philosophy department, and labs on the SUNY Brooklyn campus, making
their departmental addresses. Ballots are due Leonard Finn, of the English department. it the largest concentration of GSEU members
into the GSEU Albany office by the end of the This contract currently before the GSEU outside a SUNY center.
day on February 21. membership improves on the first in the pri- GSEU is a local of the Communication
All T.As and G.A.s will benefit by the mary areas of health care, grievance procee- Workers of America and represents nearly
changes in the new contract, but only those dure and wages. 4.000 Teaching and Graduate assistants
who have signed a union membership card In the old contract, the campus infirmary was statewide. There are approximately 850 T.As
are full members of the union. Full members the sole authorized health care gatekeeper. and G.A.s at SUNY Stony Brook.
have the right to vote in union elections, Now, health insurance is greatly improved by The GSEU can be reached at 2-7729 or in SBS
including contract ratifications, and to run for offering a choice of primary care physician. 404N. Office Hours are Tuesday and
union officer positions. Pharmaceutical benefits will double to $1200. Thursday from 10-1 PM.

9u are cordiafy invited to an evening of eegance..


'ie event of 1997

he BlacHistoy Month
Semi- ormal
Saturday, February 22nd, 1997
In the Student Union Ballroom
From 5:30pm - 2:00 am
UMOJA: ihe ties that bond
Tickets: $12 w/SBD, $15 w/out, $15 Faculty/Staff
The catering wi 6be provided by:

Copelands

91
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9hursday
open
Over, Saturday
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IL,171-11111-11
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N. Dinner wilonly be servedbetween 7:00 andm9:Wpm

- I ·-
THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 8
I I · - NEWS
Tori Itan ds in the RAINN
By Jessica Lamantia helped more than 110,000 sexual assault survivors. understood. The Response Hotline provides a
I called the RAINN hotline to see how it works. tremendous service to the campus community as
In 1992, Tori Amos released her stunningly You are initially met with an electronic voice that well as to Suffolk County as a whole. They recruit
cathartic and beautiful colle tnselor; b) get volunteers from campus to be trained four times a
Earthquakes (Atlantic). She ac ation, or order year, their most recent training ending approxi-
extremely personal subjects, f miness office. I mately two weekends ago. They are not pushy and
than in "Me And A Gun", an onnected with won't force you to talk about things you're not
her own rape experience on the Island, comfortable with. They are more concerned about
when she was in her early Ispoke with a your emotional health and well-being first and
twenties. If one song, more who said that foremost, above any kind of legal action.
than any other, touched a tr hotline has Tori understood that not many people would
nerve, it was that. As a iblic, a signifi- want to come forward to the police to report the
result, Amos began getting calls to their rape. In fact, statistics show that one in four college
contacted by scores of At this partic- women have experienced rape or attempted rape
women who had suffered a ling positions since age 14, and over half of these go unreported.
similar calamity. Her pre instantly look- In her case, Tori never brought charges. She's stat-
and post-concert meet-and- olunteer work ed in many candid interviews that "if you come
greets turned into mini- !rything from forward you're nailed... the law isn't supportive of
therapy sessions where tal field work violent situations against women... c'mon, I was a
dozens of fans per show t into the com- nightclub singer, I dressed sexy. Let's not kid each
confessed their own violent dispatched to other, my case was closed before it began."
encounters. Tori offered acy rooms to Although she blamed herself for a while, Amos
what she could - a pletho- rape and/or has committed herself to becoming the Phoenix
ra of hugs and heart-to- out of the ashes. Part of this entails getting up
heart talks that lasted into Lotline number night after night in front of audiences to sing what
the wee morning hours. is directory - has become her most haunting anthem. There is a
Realizing that more was heir premise is place she attempts to get to whenever she sings
needed, Tori created RAIN i, they usually "Me And A Gun" - sometimes she gets there,
Incest National Network) in it. So what this sometimes she doesn't. But her quest to free herself
The Atlantic Group and War ion communi- from the demons continues. "You can heal yet not
hotline was a logical extensi )rmirrors their forget," Tori says.
healing. The trauma of rape e heart of the
your soul is the ultimate go one experienc- The number for RAINN is 1-800-656-HOPE. The
call is the first step in this p >e victims. The Response Hotline is 632-HOPE or 751-7500.
with more than 600 rape c er, Arlene, said
provides free, confidential counseling and support it was "vital to create a comfort-zone" and let the
24 hours a day. Since its creation, the hotline has caller know they are completely accepted and

Check out 3TV this Bebpuapy


Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

3 4 5 6 7
5 pm Flesh and Bone 5 pm Bopha 5 pm CMV 5 pm Menace II Society 5 pm Burly Bear
7:30 Ruff-Kut Reggae 7:00 U.K. Today 6:00 Juice 7:00 Boomerang 6:00 She's The One
8:00 Peter Tosh 7:30 Escape From LA 8:00 She's The One 9:00 Say Anything 8:00 Bopha
10:00 Chain Reaction 9:30 Menace II Society 10:00 Apocalypse Now 11:00 Island of Dr. Moreau 10:00 Chain Reaction This month's
12:00 Island of Dr. Moreau 11:30 Say Anything 12:45 Chain Reaction 1:00 Escape From LA 12:00 Apocalypse Now
movies are:
Flesh and Bone
Peter Tosh
10 11 12 13 14 Chain Reaction
5 pm Flesh and Bone 5 pm Boomerang 5 pm CMV 5 pm Island of Dr. Moreau 5 pm Burly Bear
7:30 Ruff-Kut Reggae 7:00 UK Today 6:00 Chain Reaction 7:00 Escape From LA 6:00 She's The One Island of Dr. Moreau
8:00 Juice 7:30 Menace II Society 8:00 Say Anything 9:00 Flesh and Bone 8:00 Juice
10:001Island of Dr. Moreau 10:30 She's The One 10:00 Jip-Joint Theatre 11:15 Apocalypse Now 10:00 Menace II Society
Bopha
12:00 Chain Reaction 12:30 Escape From LA 11:00 Bopha 2:00 Boomerang 12:00 Chain Reaction Escape From LA
Menace II Society
Say Anything

We're Your Station! Juice


She's The One

d uc tisse eserf om 3T
I~o Apocalypse Now
Boomerang

FEBRUARY 4, 1997 PAGE 9


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FEBRUARY 4, 1997 PAGE 11


ESOTERICA

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By Cliff Rivera Chef, brought up on charges of Tom & Jerry-itis. proof windows of Friedrich Nietschze, celebrated preacher
The Koran Mother N. was clutching to her breasts was on The Sermon of Life, Immortality, and Death.
The crescent moon rises, yet Kate sensed her watch was irritating her arthritis, to the point of near collapse, so she Suffocating alongside Simon Rushdie under tight collars,
off, give or take a minute's worth. A wave of disgust - a asked God, finally, to grant Kate peace of mind - a vali- he hollered, "Throw The Satanic Verses at her! Make her
loss of appetite, perhaps - possessed her to remove herself um and a prayer to lift her dampening spirits. Wishful walk the plank! Do something!" Father Rushdie would
from time constraints: a disconnection of wires, a bob of thinking. have seconded Nietschze's suggestion were it not for his
the head, lucid dreaming. Kate was obliged to leave the room at that moment, for own unwarranted muzzle. A collective sigh was about all
Just listen... Mother N. was entranced in her own thoughts of the com- he could communicate in accordance with his forced, silent
Were it that simple, she'd have thought twice about going ing Apocalypse. Shuffling past Mother N. carefully, in case plight. (Nietschze was an invalid too, cared for by Mother
to the nunnery. When, then, she would have dropped to her the Koran were to slip through her grip again (last time, the N., who provided him with milk, unbuckled the belts, fed
hands and knees and eaten the bug, applied herself with pistol went off, shattering the stained-glass window of him cheese - self-restraint, rather than self-exile, was
every ounce of passion her heart so pleased - to gain Christ's Coming), Kate left the convent barefoot, spoon in what tamed their primal urges to spoon-feed themselves -
enlightenment, if only a decent tan. Quite the contrary, of hand, to become a student of aeronautics... while Rushdie was fortunate enough to listen and wave his
course it was due to false estimations, repeated accusations Prior to having fled the convent, Mother N. explained to arms about in forsaken worship. The dulling of the senses:
("You'll burn in Dante's hell if you don't, fast"), that she Kate that her letters to the moon were mistakenly mailed to a warring trend practiced for generations.) Instead, Rushdie
anesthetized the ant, fed the widow's stomach, and deep- the North Pole and that Santa would return them, provided pounded His Baldness against the inside of their tomb,
ened her web of estrangement. It's too early to tell if she'll- she enlisted as an elf. Kate complied, not knowing Santa was grasping but one of The Pope's flailing tongues: "Where's
suffer from Acute Radiation Sickness - a mild condition, Satan- in transition. Having been fed on cheese and endur- my yarmulke?! Where's it gone?!"
no more of a blemish than, say, a tumor or zit. ing stiff necks for so long (awaiting her carriage and reindeer Unmoved by the commotion, Kate withdrew, anointing
"Sister Kate, from what has been assessed, your table patiently), Kate realized how stagnant the deck had become the entire ark by a wave of her spoon: "I christen thee free...
manners, so to speak, are rather odd. In a less favorable lately - polishing pews and crosses 24-7... Following a ser- I christen thee free... I christen thee free..." With that, His
light, if you get my drift ('Purity and innocence are to be vice, the place woud be in complete disarray - mildewed Baldness broke free from Rushdie's malevolent protests
consumed sparingly, not necessarily in one spoonful, which shot-glasses, bturning incense candles, vomit everywhere. and cried out, "Fair mistress, Halt! This is a travesty, you as
would be offensive-'); yes, yes, yes, Sister Soldier. So Kate'd be assigned to clean-up duty, naturally. All were safe- well as I know that." Their intimacy signaled a desperate
you see, Sisters, the bleakness is not in the curvature of the ly put away in the confessional, for lack of room and space; plea, on his part, for a refueling of Cheerios and "chestnuts
utensil, but in... its reflection." talk about anal retention on the part of His Baldness, The roasting on an open fire..." "My Lady, have you not forgot-
Kate was highly interested in what Mother N. and Sister Pope, downing the last remnants from 40s nearby and wish- ten your forefathers? Your roots await you. More so now,
Soldier had to say, although the trickling perspiration from ing every passerby to "lee m'yamcah 'lone." with the dawning of The Earth Summit Watch." Mother N.
her lice-ridden cap prevented proper digestive tracking. Duringthose times, she'd secretly reread Revelations to was appreciative of The Pope's boldness and added hastily,
She attributed their winks as an involuntary reflex as a herself, amidst straggling winos and dormant vagabonds, "Your Majesty's baldness shines rightly. You're gonna have
result of the lighting of the room: artificially lit by a heated convinced the book would reveal the moon's intentions. to design your own wake-up call if you decide to flee...
lava-lamp, suspended from atop a dangling cross; colorless The gate pierced her palms, she was sure of it, yet - save Kate, dear..." Panic-stricken, Mother N. was tempted to
nonetheless. Hell, the spoon was on the verge of splitting, for a few scratches and solitary confinement without unload her pistol from The Koran, not knowing what she
!'y the unsteady wavering of Marilyn Manson, up and cheese- her skin seemed impenetrable. There was no evi- would do next: a going-away present for her wild one, per-
down, back and forth. dence to support her flaring nostrils, body aches, thinning haps...?
It was hard enough for Mother N. to teach Kate anything, hair. The change was apparent, but where was the blood...? Kate pointed the spoon in Mothe N.'s direction and
much less diagnose her - a manic-bulimic, perhaps; no The mystery belied words, analysis. "What good is this replied reassuringly, "I... christen... thee... free..."
doubt her complexion had something to do with seasickness magnifying glass if I still can't see a thing, Gosh Darnit!" Sarcasmic exchange uplifted the masked sophistication of
or her inability to do the butterfly stroke - that she gave Surprised by her sudden blaspheme, she sprinted past the the moment, following Kate's infamous, now signature
Kate the spoon as a keepsake. Self-hypnosis was the key. unsavory onlookers, unaware that it wasn't "just callous" bon-voyage: a bare ass and then all was forgiven, despite
(She considered Freud a heretic, psychoanalysis infesting as Mother N. put it, but the moon's gravitational pull that The Chef's desire for one last photograph, a momento to
the minds of the masses, potential disciplines.) "Poor girl," had ensured her escape, unscathed. assemble the rest of the Mickey Mice and Muppet Babies
Mother N. thought to herself, "a steady diet of cheese might Feet first onto the deck she glided, past stupefied nuns of - ship-wrecked aboard Whitman's Conservatory For The
do the trick." Lacing meals provided a far easier means of all creeds and sizes; menacing faces to begin with, their fits Criminally Insane.
damaging any threat of piracy, much to the delight of The of convulsive horror and glee burst the remaining bullet-

By Josephine Hilfloss ly hurt they don't usually have the strength to scream, like ing acid rose up from my stomach. Idrank some wine, but
when they get shot they just lay there and moan." He that didn't help.
I went to his house one night over the break, because he answered me as if I had asked him the color of his mother's I started remembering him from high-school, just a play-
had offered me dinner. We were sitting in his room where car, or where the nearest gas station was. As we became ful punk who loved to flirt. And years later he would pass
he was playing his bass and I was trying, unsuccessfully, to more deeply submerged in the conversation, I found a out on my couch and slowly his beer would tip in his hand,
sing along to "Sympathy For The Devil." Afterward we strange inappropriate calm set over me. I found myself ask- until I grabbed it in the nick of time. In fact, that might have
wandered into the kitchen. I made salad whi -e he stir-fried ing horrid questions about ten-year-old dead people. I been last Friday. When he's really shit-faced, I try to coax
some chicken. In the natural progression of our conversa- learned that contrary to my belief, not everybody shits their him into bong hits, like the old days. He forgets and gets so
tion many topics came and went. He told about his plans to pants immediately after they die. close, then he remembers he's a cop and he can't do that
study music for two years and how he would be getting a Spock, his crazy dog, was looking desperately over the anymore.
piano soon. We talked about the drugs I had done, and of kitchen divider, so I squatted down and gave her kisses on I am thinking about my reaction to our earlier conversa-
course his incessant drinking. His eyes lit up as he the nose. We went on to discuss the thirty pounds of equip- tion. They say cops don't talk about their shit. I think it's
explained the feeling which arises when you're standing on ment which each officer must wear. This includes a bullet- because they live in two worlds. In one violence is fostered,
a board, and the water curls up over you and how some- proof vest which must be worn at all times, gun, nightstick, and if they can't stomach it, they're ridiculed. In the other,
times if you're lucky, the sun shines through the wave to flashlight, radio, and (ooooo) handcuffs. He explained that it's abhorred. So many cops go home and clam up for fear
cast a blue glow around you. the car engines cut out somewhere around 120 mph, and something grotesque might fall out of their mouths. C ther
My next question seemed natural enough. "So, how's how he used to play music on his p.a. for the transvestites times I think, cops are worried they might start to get
work?" He looked down as a naughty little grin emerged, to dance to. One night, an eighty-year-old woman called scared. They have a lot to fear, including fear itself. The
then an eerie seriousness. His voice was very montone and the cops because her husband wanted her to turn down her point was made that cops never get a call when everything
he rolled his eyes as if the tediousness of it all annoyed him. radio. My friend and his partner explained to her that when is normal. Many times it is those people which hate the
"Last night some guy bounced off of a truck and landed you call the cops it is wise to put your crack pipe away. I cops the most, who also need them the most.
beneath another car," he began. I stared at him blankly so also learned that it only takes three pounds of pressure to He told me one last story about how he told some high-
as not to arouse any sort of discomfort. "Yeah, when he hit remove a human ear. school kids that if they were to relocate by only 100 yds.,
the truck his balls exploded! He was still alive when we got After eating our meal, which was delicious, he showed they could camly finish their joint without being spotted by
there. Then he just bled to death." I bit the inside of my me some self-defense moves. He slightly wrenched my his colleagues. I took a deep breath and told him to be care-
mouth, and though appalled, my curiosity got the better of arm, so I bit him. It was then that he made the most shock- ful at work tonight. Our dinner had taken a while so he was
me. "Was he screaming?... I mean... what kind of noise ing comment of the evening. "Ouch, quit biting me!" He already late. I gave him a deep hug and let his scent sink into
does someone like that make?" 1 asked him. "No, he was said it like a little boy. Suddenly it dawned on me. He could me. On my way home I decided that, although I understand
just hyperventilating and twitching. When people get real- get shot! I kept thinking it over and over, until a bitter sting- his pride, I wanted to find a way to get him out of this.

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 12


........ .. '.....- FEATURES

Qji _nntarninanR n nnnannnOari


By Brian Libfeld freshman after all, and as such he thought if it sand dollars for each second that their son had
was cool twice then a third time must be even suffered, which was determined by the universi-
There are very few traditions worth mention- more so. He again leapt through the steam, but ty to have been approximately eighteen seconds,
ing here at Stony Brook, our own little suburb of this time, in a moment of lucidity he realized although it probably took him over two minutes
the city of Dis, but there are a few, one of which just how much of a geek he was being, as well to die. After the court decision had passed, and a
has been morbidly celebrated for many years. as how truly stupid he must look hopping back few years blurred the facts, memory of Sherman
From the far reaches of New York, Long Island, and forth over a manhole, so he stopped. passed away, and he is only remembered by the
and H-Quad come the freaks, the Iconians, and Unfortunately for him, this moment came in the department of Earth and Space Sciences who
yes, the Hygenically challenged to celebrate middle of his third leap, and this being his offer a scholarship in his name, and bored col-
death. They celebrate on a mid-winter's night, major mistake he fell down the steaming man- lege students, who come out to appease his spir-
the second Wednesday of February, to appease hole like an angel in Milton. His friends, being it each year, as well as chug some cheap beer."
one of the lost souls of Stony Brook. This spirit, little shits, took to running, in hopes that their After recounting the story the speaker, with
known to most as Hamburger Boy, in life bore prescence would remain a secret, and that their some assistance, pulls open the manhole cover
1_-- - ^-__---, -.---- ll- i- -'i - _ • 1--
i._-i • - . -. ^ . *" _ _ •__
f" _ -
the name Sherman Raftenberg. Each year all nangovers woula De mlla, ana begins me series or sac-
celebrants gather at the position which is con- leaving Sherman to boil at rifices. The first of these
sidered by most to have been the closest to the bottom of the manhole sacrifices is a bulging sack
where Sherman had his unfortunate accident. shaft, twenty five feet down. of White Castle hamburg-
Wher all have assembled, a chosen representa- Well, it turned out that ers. White Castle hamburg-
tive recounts the tale of Sherman Raftenberg as there were twenty four open ers are the the sacrifice of
it shall now be retold; manholes around campus choice, because they are
"It was a cold night in 1973, the drinking age when Sherman had his little steamed, not fried. After
in New York was still eighteen, and the univer- fall, and strangely enough, the explanation of the sacri-
sity gladly took advantage of that fact. It was a they were all neatly barri- fice has been made for new
glorious time, a time when you could purchase caded up the next morning, ears, they are hurled into
beer on your meal card in the Union deli or, if and the university claimed the manhole. After this has
you were lucky, in your dorm. It was late in the miscreants had removed the been done an individual
evening and Sherman, a promising young enge- barrier of the unfortunate hands over his sandals to
neering student, was returning to his home in accident. Throughout that the speaker and these are
'Kelly A'. Along with him that evening were day notes began appearing also hurled into the man-
two friends of his whom he had been studying on the manhole from which hole. There is no explana-
with, so accordingly they could barely stand, Sherman's body had been tion given for the sandals,
much less walk. It was at this time when they I•erovered LI.diL •L
-kd3
in.i ti i 7LAV
e preIL - ud.ciV
d-nll
Aill
CUL-li.I
fclL
C
L
th
LL LL tL
i-
,1L
1-4f1-h
1 ILt:

came across an open manhole, contentedly hours, which bore the sentiments of those stu- tradition probably arose out of boredom and a
puffing steam up into the atmosphere. dents who had heard what had happened and sick mind. After these sacrifices have been
Sherman, being an avid fan of Star Trek, as well were aware that the university was putting their made and Sherman's spirit shows no sign of
as a geek, was immediately reminded of a dra- safety at risk. The students put together protests disapproval, the speaker takes three leaps over
matic Kirk pose from a recent episode, one of and picketed the administration building. They the steaming manhole in commemoration of
those poses that comes right after landing on a forced the university to acknowledge their fault, Sherman's leaps, and all present scream for a
unexplored planet and right before the name- as well as what could be done to prevent such an period of eighteen seconds, in honor of the
less extra is killed off. Being slightly drunk, event in the future. (Yes, you read correctly. eighteen seconds of suffering Sherman under-
Sherman thought it would be the height of Students bringing about a change when they see went. Finally, the final moment of the ceremony
coolness to mimic Kirk, and as such he did. He something wrong with the university.) comes, and everyone present runs away, as
leapt through and his friends agreed that he did Sherman's parents, Mr. and Mrs. George Sherman's friends did that fateful night to
indeed look cool. With this encouragement he Raftenberg were also trying to make the univer- cleanse themselves of any affiliation with the
leapt through the steam again, and his dim-wit- sity take responsibility for their fault, and they ritual. This February seventh marks the twenty
ted friends, seeing it from a new angle, filed suit against the university. The judge who third anniversary of Sherman's death, and the
preached that it was all the more cool than they presided, was unsympathetic to the Raftenberg's tweflth will mark an unnumbered anniversary
had originally thought. Now, Sherman was not case but could not in good conscience rule in of the celebration of this event.
exactly slightly drunk, he was in fact ready to favor of the school. He did rule in the
taste the floor, and in addition to this he was a Raftenberg's favor, but awarded only one thou-

FtI i E

1997 PAGE 13
FEDRUARY 4,
FEBRUARY 4, 1997 PAGE 13
FEATURES I
I L

I I
II I

i
- I

THE
Part__ofII:_Am
AID S EPIDEMIC rica'_EthncMo

I will never forget the first time I met Juan. ty, racism, denial, homophobia, and fear are cited as ethnic group in the LJnited States today. For centuries,
The uptown 6 train was packed with grouchy rush obstacles to overcome in preventing AIDS. the native populati on was decimated by diseases
hour commuters when I stepped or n at 28th street. All African Americans are becoming infected with HIV brought by Europealn explorers, such as smallpox. In
eyes were on me as I tried to scarf down pastrami on at a rate six times greater than white Americans. the 1400's, the pop ulation was approximately five
rye while standing in the aisle, but II was too famished However, many experts believe that dividing statisti- million, but in 1900, there were only several thousand
to care. cal information along racial lines is counterproduc- Native Americans. M4any tribes have ancient legends
As the train made its way tive. According to predicting a plague that would destroy them. Today,
through the tunnels, a tall, thin
young man stumbled in from the SCIENCE & SOCIETY Robert Fullilove, associ- many people believre that this dreaded disease is
ate dean of the AIDS.
adjacent car. Despite the warm BYM HAE Y Columbia University Many Native Ame ricans are considered at high risk
autumn weather, he wore a thick
winter jacket, a knit cap, and
M ICHAEL IEH School of Public Health, for HIV infection diue to their socioeconomic status,
discussing race as a risk poor health care, anm d high unemployment. The aver-
gloves. "Please help me", he anneounced in a weak, factor "implies that membership in a racial group age income on reser vations is less than $5,000, and a
tired voice as he held out a brown p>aper bag for coins. puts you at risk of HIV." third of Native Ameiricans die before their forty-fifth
"My name is Juan, I'm homeless, and I have AIDS." Socioeconomic status is an important indicator of birthday.
As if on cue, many passengers turned their heads vulnerability, for studies have shown that poorer Although there arre only about 2,000 documented
away from the aisle, shifted their eyes elsewhere, or communities often have limited education and AIDS cases in Nativ e Americans, experts believe that
pretended to sleep. A man wearinFg a piri-striped suit employment resources, and greater availability of the infection rate is rising steadily. A study in Los
grimaced, stood up from his s4eat abruptly, and drugs. In addition, injection drugs, which may pose Angeles showed tha t "up to 90% of Native Americans
walked into the next car. "You d<on't have to touch risks for needle transmission of HIV, are more popu- with AIDS were clas.sified as other races." In addition,
me," said the panhandler as he str(ace aowntne aisle. lar in inner cities. sexually transmitted diseases
Juan was a handsome man, despite the deep red Another complication in occur twice as frequently in
spots and lesions that covered hiss face, presumably the African American com- Native Americans than the
from Kaposi's sarcoma. A neatl y trimmed beard munity is a lack of trust for national average while injection
diverted attention away from his sunken cheeks. health officials. There has drugs are becoming more popu-
Ironically, I had just started a resea rch project on HIV been a long history of lar.
envelope glycoproteins at the Publ ic Health Research health-related civil rights As with other minority groups,
Institute. An eerie feeling flooded iinto me as I associ- abuses against African Native Americans have histori-
ated the disease with a real humar1being for the first Americans in the United cally distrusted the United States
time instead of a row of anonymc)us samples in test States. For example, the government. In addition to the
tubes. Except for a few contributorrs, most of the pas- Public Health Service long history of oppression and
sengers sunk down in their seats as he walked toward denied treatment to poor forced relocations, government
them, and then proceeded to sta re at him after he African American men with workers often had vaguely
passed. syphilis between 1932 and defined duties. Many Native
As we pulled into the 42nd streeAtstation, I quickly 1972 in Tuskeegee, Georgia. Americans with HIV were
wrapped the remaining half of the sandwich and This "study", which indi- denied help because the agencies
approached him. I pressed the sandwich into his rectly caused irreversible did not have clear policies for
hand, looked him in the eye, anm d smiled. It was a damages or death in many such cases. Also, federal funding
forced smile, however, for I was o'vercome with sad- patients, is often cited as for the Indian Health Service is
ness and pity. evidence for a "conspiracy decreasing, causing alarm for the
I met Juan a few times in the following months, theory". In a 1991 survey Th future of primary health care in
Although he was not very verbos;e, I found out that conducted by the American e AIDS Quilt: Displayed in D.C. these communities.
his family had abandoned him outSof fear and shame. Journal of Public Health, 35% of African Americans Another group in which the AIDS epidemic has not
He had lost his job, his children, a nd his meager sav- "believed that AIDS is a form of genocide". Some been widely publicized is the Asians and Pacific
ings because of his illness. He had moved from people claimed that the virus was created by the U.S. Islanders (APIs). There are about 3,500 cases docu-
Puerto Rico to seek his fortune, bult he had only found Army and accidentally escaped or deliberately mented by the Centers for Disease Control to date.
sorrow. "The doctors don't speak no Spanish, and I released into the environment. However, Manfred Asians and Pacific Islanders are placed in the same
don't got no money", he said in d( espair, after I asked Eigen, of the Max Planck Institut fur Biophysikalische group by the U.S. Census Bureau despite many dif-
him if he sought treatment. Chemie in Gottingen, Germany, calls this "pure non- ferent cultures and languages. A common problem,
Several years have passed since our last encounter, sense". He contends that HIV and other related mon- however, is the perception of APIs as a "model minor-
and I do not know what happenecd to him. However, key viruses can be traced to a common ancestor about ity" with high academic and economic achievement.
stories like this are becoming increasingly common 1000 years ago by their RNA sequences. Despite This stereotype draws attention away from APIs liv-
nationwide, as indicated by disturbing trends in HIV much scientific evidence discrediting the conspiracy ing under the poverty line, drug use, homelessness,
infection among ethnic minorities. theory, many lay people still believe it, which can feed and AIDS.
In the summer of 1981, the first: articles describing denial and fear. Many new AIDS cases in Asian Americans can be
signs and symptoms of AIDS app eared in Morbidity Although Latinos make up less than 9% of the pop- influenced by the high rates of HIV infection in South
and Mortality Weekly Report, a builletin published by ulation, they constitute more than 17% of AIDS cases. and Southeast Asia. Epidemiologists expect the num-
the Centers for Disease Control. Tlhese articles report- However, Latinos are a very diverse group, with dif- ber of new infections here to exceed that of Africa by
ed the case histories of white honnosexual men who ferent origins, religions, races, and socioeconomic the year 2000.
contracted rare forms of pneum onia (Pneumocystis class. HIV exposure among Latinos is usually attrib- The most common problem in Asians and Pacific
carinii) and skin cancer (Kaposi',s sarcoma). In the uted to heterosexual contact or injection drug use. Islanders is lack of communication caused by
lan-
next two years, similar symptom s were reported in One of the greatest challenges is the different lan- guage barriers. Bilingual services are rarely found
intravenous drug users and blood transfusion recipi- guages spoken, including various dialects of Spanish, outside large cities. Also, many people without docu-
ents. Although heterosexual trans mission was docu- Portuguese, and native languages. Also, Spanish-lan- mentation fear deportation and are reluctant to seek
mented in 1983, AIDS was stigmat ized as a disease of guage brochures translated literally from English may medical attention.
homosexuals, drug addicts, and immorality by the be "culturally inappropriate", according to Heriberto The American people face many challenges in con-
American public. Crespo, director of health education at the Latino fronting the AIDS epidemic. We must keep in mind
In the last decade, the occurrencie of AIDS has shift- Health Institute. Terms for reproductive anatomical that our "communities of color" are at risk not
ed from white homosexual men to minority groups in structures and contraceptives may offend certain because of ethnic backgrounds, but from factors
the United States. According to M[ario Cooper of the groups. In addition, the Catholic Church's viewpoint including poverty and discrimination. We should
Harvard AIDS Institute's Inter national Advisory on contraception complicates campaigns for condom ensure that government agencies reach out to all eth-
Council, more than 50% of the m.en and 75% of the use. nic groups in the nation in prevention campaigns.
women with AIDS in 1995 were African Americans Many Latinos have difficulty seeking access to I often wonder about what happened to Juan,
and Latinos. In addition, HIV inifection rates have health care. Some have jobs that do not allow time off although I will probably never find out. Hopefully,
increased dramatically in the Naltive American and for appointments. Also, language difficulties and fear with effective prevention and care programs, his story
Asian American populations. of deportation can prevent undocumented people will not be repeated.
In a special reprint of the 1996 HiarvardAIDS Review from getting the proper treatment.
titled "Communities of Color", factors such as pover- Native Americans are perhapis the most invisible

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 14


I-I I I _
FEATURES
A REME Bl r ~9~ ~ ~ 5~

By Ralph Sevush, Esq. of the more bizarre movies (PLAN 9 FROM Mr. Sulu (at least, that's how the story goes).
OUTER SPACE drew a nice and extremely Surprisingly, "Mr. Sulu" was up at dawn the
In 1982, members of the Science Fiction Forum stoned crowd) and some of the more obscure next day and convention goers had the opportu-
left their dark little hideaway in the basement of artists and writers (I never did find out who that nity to jog through campus with him. I declined
Hendrix College and came up to the tiny office old man, Raymond Z. Gallun, was, but he kept the privilege. We also had robert Blalack, a
of the Student Activities Board to coming as an I-CON guest up movie SFX wizard who had done the effects on
speak with me. They had a prob- until his death. The I-CON STAR WARS and many other big pictures. After
lem. They wanted to organize an committee eventually named this rather dull presentation, we showed STAR
SF movie festival, but didn't an award after him. I assume WARS in the Gymnasium (there was no field
have any money left in their it goes to the most obscure house back then) and everyone seemed to enjoy
budget, so they came to me to guest in attendance each that, especially with the distinct aroma of
see if the Committee On year... but I digress). Most Northern California cannabis permeating the
Cinematic Arts (COCA) would people, however, came to see air. The best part of the evening for me was dri-
co-sponsor (i.e., pay for) their Roddenberry. We had taken ving Blalack back to NYC that night, and chat-
event. Thus I-CON was born. him out for chinese food just ting about movies the whole way.
Back then I was "COCA before the show and this, The films shown at I-CON 2 were paid for by
Ralph", president of COCA, proved to be a mistake. It may Omni Magazine. (Omni was owned by
TUESDAY FLICKS, AMERICAN have been an M.S.G. hang- Penthouse Magazine, which I suppose would
CINEMA, SAB CONCERT over (or maybe it was the raise quite a furor today, based on what I read
FILMS and, basically, a clearing- three Scotches he threw about campus attitudes and the rise of the P.C.
house for any group that showed down), but his show was less police. Maybe I'm wrong and you folks haven't
movies on campus. This was in than awe-inspiring. People yet given up on the First Amendment. But I
the ancient days before the prolif- seemed genuinely glad to digress...) Omni gave us free movies, posters
eration of videocassettes, so films meet and speak with him any- and t-shirts (which were all eventually given
had to be leased from 16mm film way. I don't think anyone away or stolen by the end of the weekend) as
distribution companies, not rent- actually kissed his ring, how- part of a cross-promotion with Heineken Beer, a
ed at the comer video store, and ever. Everyone involed with beverage which was sold in great quanitites
could be quite costly. By renting this first I-CON seemed throughout the convention. The writers and
films in large numbers, I was able to obtain large happy with the experience.., happy that it was artists were happy to have such a quality brew,
discoutns and thus make film programs an over. We had thrown it together so quickly that and so, apparently, were the students as cases
affordable event for a number of campus organi- many things were overlooked or poorly done. upon cases of it ended up vanishing from the
zations. We had a big, post-convention dinner meeting at Student Union Cafeteria loading dock, only to
As an aficionado of SF, I loved the idea of a film the Beefsteak Charlies on Rt. 347 and Stony find their way to the many parties that were
festival. I plundered the COCA treasury and Brook Road (it's not there any longer) and after held on campus throughout the weekend (I'm
helped to get some additional funds from Polity, the third pitcher of Sangria, everyone stopped sure Mr. Sulu had his share). I understand that
as well. Carson Tang, president of the SAB pointing fingers and started laughing and plan- undergraduates can't get a beer on campus any-
Speakers committee, got involved and booked ning for the next year. We had a full year head- more. Too bad. I had some of my best and worst
Gene Roddenberry, creator of the STAR TREK start for I-CON 2 but, being college students, we moments while under the influence.
universe, as a speaker for the film fest. After fur- again waited for the last mintue to get it togeth- I also recall all the equipment sitting in the
ther meetings, the SF Forum put together a ros- er. We had some major problems, both financial Lecture Center... all the movie and sound equip-
ter of some writers and artists that they could and personal, but managed to get it up and run- ment, and the dealer's tables covered with mer-
talk into coming (for free, of course), as well as ning, and nearly doubling our ticket sales over chandise that we were responsible for, just sit-
some of Stony Brook's own prestigious acade- the previous year. ting there behind those plexiglass doors. I decid-
micians. Before we knew it, we had put togeth- Committee-member Dan Hank even produced ed to sleep in the Lecture Center that night to
er a full-blown science fiction convention in less a TV commercial for us (the cheesiest thing I've safe guard everything. I ended up having sex
than a month. ever seen) that we ran dur- with my then-girlfriend
All we needed was a name. Mud-Con was sug- ing a STAR TREK re-run. It N on the mainstage of
gested. In those days, the campus always cost us about $500, and I Lecture Hall 100 while
seemed to be a half-built mud pit and so it
seemed appropriate. Fortunately, it was voted
down when we learned than an earlier aborted
don't think anyone saw it,
but we sat around the TV
at midnight in the GOLD-
I running A CLOCK-
WORK ORANGE on the
huge screen above us. At
attempt to produce a campus convention went
by that unlucky moniker. L.I.-CON came up but
EN BEAR CAFE in the
basement of O'NEILL I least, that's the way I
remember it... and
was rejected because it seemed awkward. I sug-
gested a variation: I-CON. Short for Island
College in G Quad, and we
saw what we had wrought I Beethoven still brings a
Ssmile to my lips.
I finally graduated dur-
Convention, it also had a quasi-mystical quality ... and it was good. At least
that everybody seemed to like. WE thought so. Our ing the summer of 1983
The tag line I came up with for the ads, "Long guests of honor were Mr. to the surprise of iy
friends and the relief !6f
Island's largest convention of Science Fiction, and Mrs. Isaac Asimov. He
Fact and Fantasy", conveyed our desire to make was not well and had to my parents. Dan Hank
I-CON into something unique, taking advantage leave after the first day, but ran I-CON the following
of SUSB's credentials in the scientific communi- he was very excited and enthusiastic about year most ably, expanding it even further and
ty and the presence of legendary physicists and being there, as was everyone who came in con- getting guests like Harlan Ellison. After that,
engineers amongst the faculty, and combining tact with this great and brilliant man. original committee member Ralph Schiano took
them with some of the most famous writers, George Takei ("Mr. Sulu" of STAR TREK) was over for many years, but I've been told that his
artists and celebrities in the genres of SF, fantasy a guest as well, and seemed a genuinely decent excesses nearly drove the committee into finan-
and horror. fellow. He came to a party in Irving College, on cial ruin. At least that's what I've been told... I
Now we all had to do was sell the damn thing. B-2, and got drunk with everybody. My friend make no representations as to that statement's
We didn't do too badly, selling over 500 tickets drove him to his hotel afterwards, stopping truth or falsity, thus attempting to avoid any
for the weekend. Some people came to see a few along the way to pee by the side of the road with libel suit.
ISee "I-CON," page 17
I
FEBRUARY 4, 1997 PAGE 15
FEATURES I , I I · I I L~

:x~:: fp'^Ch €f ^kC^


P.4

By David Doe It's not sad. It's not angry. It's not pissed, dispossessed, and there is one thing that can make it go away. Prozac,
enraged, horrified, scared, overwhelmed, hopeless; those Welbutrin, lots of nice drugs labeled antidepressants. I
I'm on prozac. are covers for what it is. It can't be defined. Normally we don't give a damn what they are or who prescribes them
Thought I'd let you know; thought I'd let everybody have a range of emotions which we've given names for over or what the hype is or how many little notepads with
know. What could compel me to come out of the clos- thousands of years, stable emotions- depression does not happy people on them shrinks get. I just want to be able
et, let the cat out of the bag and loose the genie from the fall in to any of these categories. It can be pleasurable, in a to know that what I'm feeling has some basis in reality.
bottle like that? To 5000 people I don't know? The 20 way, it can make pain feel good, it can make you feel I'm sorry if that offends the puritan sensibilities of some
people I do know could, a like your brain has been moved out ot your of you (did you know that the christian 'scientists' were
antidepressants in general ( head by about around six inches, but not up, the ones who started the campaign to dis prozac in the
tion and prejudice comm not down, not left or right; another direction. public media a few years back? These are the same peo-
nicest and most open Something else. This is the fourth dimension ple who think you should pray when your kid gets the
minded of people could- of emotion. It cannot be defined and canned measles and let god have his way.) but I don't have a
they all did. The series of and labeled. We know how complex ail- choice. I can't function without the meds. I don't care if
events this school year ments of the Common Chevy can be- and this "depression" is real or if the sundry clinical diag-
only consummated my sus- that's a beast we've created ourselves and noses are bullshit or not. I care about being having some
picion that perhaps the status understand totally. A complex ailment of the function of reality in me.
quo was ready for a box in th luman Brain is relatively more complicated and It's hard to explain a disease whose symptoms create
ears. When I came to college I rd to define, and we haven't really got a clue how an unwillingness to help oneself. We have a natural
semester, I decided that sinc( works in the first place. inclination as a people to be suspicious of someone who
was taking four pills per day "Work out." "Think about something else." says their problem is that they can't fix it; that's the
keep me sane I wasn't going to What have you got to be unhappy about any- paradox of mental illness. We're used to somebody who
able to keep the informatil vay?" has a broken leg or a cancer in their head, but someone
from my five suitemates, so Is that what you'd say to me if you who has chemicals in their brain that change the way
didn't try. The result was saw me? Even the most well-meaning of they think isn't something we're prepared for as a soci-
immediate and rather souls have responded that way. Everyone ety. What part of me is real and what is this 'depres-
shocked the hell out of me: assumes you're SAD, or BUMMED or sion'? I can feel more real when down than when up-
for the rest of the semes- you're LAZY; you won't get up off your but feeling real can be terrible. I'm not working in the
ter all I got were jokes I ass to help yourself- you have no idea. system of medicine because I like it: it's a means to an
about how, if I was feeling bad, I should just go pop You have no idea what it's like to love, hate, to stare at end, for me and for everyone else with this problem.
another pill, and how I shouldn't be allowed sharp the sky below you and the ground above you and be To not know if what you're thinking is right or not is
objects lest I attempt suicide. I think probably I'd have everywhere never and nowhere forever, to be angry at one of the most horrifying experiences possible. If you
gone in for a homicide too. I could see the Statesman's the pavement for pushing on your feet so hard and angry haven't been there, you have no idea how horrifying it
headline: "Student stabs for sweetmates with nife at the air for pushing on your skin so much. Did you is. The next time you see somebody's "on prozac" don't
before turning it on hisself." Murder has its conse- ever spend 15 minutes in the computer science building think about the drug. Think about the person behind it.
quences. lobby at 3am, staring at the ceiling and spinning around? You don't take it because you like it. You take it
I want to dispel the notion of what depression is propa- Was that ever the obvious thing you had to do? No. Yes, because if you don't, the pain's enough to make you
gated by the media and/or well-meaning public servants. it's fucked up, yes, it's insane, but it's real and it's there want to kill yourself.
· I

CHA P CAR H:' · w~ ^ " i B's'' '


PA R7 III
By Martha Chemas Clan at Five A.M. while cruising Lou Reed's It was a disloyal car that never reciprocated my
In Memoriam: The Post War Dream. Dirty Boulevard. feelings, much like the other cars I drove since
She was always the step child; boyfriend after my driving days began. They were pretty but
Fate first threw Carry and I together in 1991, boyfriend preferrring their late model luxury or unreliable, loving no one but themselves. This
when I was a senior in High School and she speed demon to my trusty Carry. She therefore observation perambulated itself into reality,
already had 120,000 miles on her German became my own, a piece of my independence leading me to theories about human behavior
engine. when I set off in the middle of the night attempt- and allowing me to philosophize about the dif-
I was not really able to make her mine until I ing to escape the demons that plague us all once ference betweeen the human and the mechanic.
vaulted past that heady albatross, the Road Test. in a while. Carry came to be in November of 1980 and
The day after I passed I was stretching her legs a She was conspicuously absent for the most served faithfully until January 22nd of this year
little when I totaled her. Even more horrible was traumatic moments of my life; in retrospect I when she met her inevitable demise on
the circumstance that led to the near decimation: appreciate this, as I never had to board her and Infirmary Road.
Hitting fast forward while looking for a song on make any horrible associations. I also appreciat- To add insult to her undignified death, Satan
a tape and subsequently hitting a parked Buick ed her on a certain weird evening when some sent out the University Police (To Serve and To
even harder. dude, high on God-Knows-What attempted to Protect) to ticket us for being parked on the
Carry emerged victorious however, tri- grab my neck from the sidewalk and the pickup grass.
umphantly displaying the invulnerability of the left on her 100hp engine probably saved my life. Carry has not been laid to final rest, she awaits
indominable Audi spirit. Oh, the times we saw. I loved my car.. She was with me through thick this rite in the Mendelson Quad Resident Lot
My first foray into the highway adventure and thin and she held out when the highpriced while I scramble for transportation and evade
included a convict, the Van Wyck and my Boyfriend-mobile was in the shop getting its wackos on the LIRR.
beloved Carry. The ensuing 65,000 miles were ABS fixed or some other such nonsense. As of next week I will be four-wheeling and
even more eventful. Many a summer night Yes, this is an obituary of sorts, a chance to thus exploring the long forgotten joy of driNing
reached its apex as I raced downtown, power speak truth rather than the rhetoric of the futili- slowly. This will probably work in my favor
weaving while enjoying the melodious sounds ty of the last Polity meeting or more empty since an unreliable debtor left me in the kind of
my soon to be stolen Alpine provided me with. blather about a Student Activities Center most financial arrears that only precedes leaving a
Yes, Carry saw many tracheas, six to be exact, students are too apathetic to bother boycotting. speeding ticket unpaid and as a result having
all ripped from her in the dead of night by some Carry saw me to Boston and Montauk and took one's liscence suspended.
opportunist who thought nothing of maiming me to visit friends I never thought I'd see again The current Boyfriend-mobile may take a back-
her and leaving her mute and slightly bruised. and survived the raging wrists of a psycho all seat to the new four-wheeler, thus establishing
Each time I tended her bruises I gave her a better the while providing me with the necessary tool precedent. I move into the new epoch still long-
voice and eventually blew out the speakers and for escape when driving was my only means of ing for an old four wheeler and the dignity of my
10% of my own hearing, happily living up to the staying sane. post war Audi.
stereotype of a Queens chic blaring The Wu Tang When I was younger I drove a Jaguar (badly).

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 16


**. I------ .***-
...
. FEATURES
StarWars Noting ut Sar i

By John Giuffo fascination with all things Star Wars. one of the most influential tales of all time, Star Wars
I am an unapologetic drooling fanboy when it defined movies and movie-going for a generation.
It's somewhat disillusioning to look back on all of comes to Star Wars. I've got all the Micro Machines It still has all the power it ever had to stir imagina-
my fondest childhood memories. My formative years ships, I want the new blaster being sold by Kenner tions and awaken creativity. When it was released in
were much the same as anyone else my age; defined (not to mention a dozen or so other faithfully-crafted 1977, it changed American pop culture forever. It
and structured by American popular culture. I loved toys), and when I found out that George Lucas was to upped the ante for most of the mainstream movies to
Disney, G.I. Joe, and The Transformers. Vividly hazy re-release the trilogy with new footage and improved follow it, and it redefined the moviegoing experience.
memories flood my eyes when I think of Saturday special effects, I all but creamed my jeans. No one (except Press Business Manager Martha
afternoons spent setting up Cobra deathtraps and G.I. Then I got angry. How dare that washed-up has- Chemas) hasn't seen it, and it's one of the most
T
Joe
ih t
euJLLsuVJUI important cultural reference points America has. It's
from which our collective mythology, an alternate past that only
to make The assholes and over-educated prigs don't like.
Great Lucas' snapped-up version promised to provide all
American the punch of its 20-year-old predecessor with a few
Last Stand new surprises added. He went back to his aptly
Against Evil. named Skywalker Ranch to spice up the special effects
Chocolate which, when created in 1977, was ultra state-of-the-
donuts and a art. The technical wizardry was so influential that,
round of Yo even today, any movie company looking to make
Joe! Cola for quality effects for their films must turn to Lucas'
everyone Industrial Light and Magic to keep their images up to
surviving the a par American audiences expect (Independence Day
circa-5 PM recently bucked this trend, but only by going to
conflagra- Germany and hiring film students at cheaper wages).
tion of Good So did Star Wars' re-release provide all the magic
vs. Evil. We and excitement we were promised? Well, yes and no.
were all When I went to see it at the UA in Syosset (the
heroes: largest single screen theater on Long Island) I was
Snake Eves. blown away by most of the new images. The desert
Scarlett, Flint, Duke and me, all saviors of the best been fuck with my favorite movies and my child- search, the Mos Eisley scenes, the final epic battle, all
way of life on earth. hood? What unmitigated gall! jazzed up with new, mostly computer-generated
I look at the substance of my childhood pastimes Lucas' greed threatened to color my view of one of images added. The additions mostly rounded out
now and I cringe. It's a difficult thing to try to recon- the few things I had left from my childhood that I some of the rough-edges Lucas thought the film had,
cile morality with nostalgia. Disney employs slave enjoy as much now as ever. What I didn't realize in while adding scenes 1977 special effects technology
labor to make their sacchrinized toy-takes on my anger is that Star Wars has always been an made difficult to accomplish.
American mythology, G.I. Joe celebrates a dangerous- omnipresent marketing monolith. I just bought into it I've only two complaints. Apparently, Lucas did not
ly poisonous view of American patriotism (unques- a lot easier when I was eight. like Han Solo's motivation for blasting Bounty Hunter
tioning to the last) and the Transformers just got That doesn't change my view of the greatness and Greedo in the Cantina Scene, so he added a "first
corny with age. What never changed though, was my importance of the film. Universally agreed upon as blood" shot by Greedo, hereby making Han's action
one of self-defense rather than an obvious case of
T.C.B. My other complaint is with the Jabba footage.

"I-CON," continued
He looked computer-generated. A little too fake. A lit-

Over the years, I would come back to campus tion on the SUSB campus as it approaches i
o visit occasionally, and I would always come 16th anniversary. I'm glad for that, but oi
o I-CON. One year, my roommate and fellow must be careful not to let the tradition becon
lumni Mike D'Andrea, then an agent with a an institution. Students should re-invent
;peaker's bureau (and the fellow who urinated every year for themselves, making mistak
with Mr. Sulu), arranged for an appearance at I- and having fun. I hope you folks ARE still ha
EON of TV's Batman, Adam West. ing fun running it, because in the end thai
Mike was busy that weekend, so I accompa- what you'll remember.
tied Mr. West to I-CON and acted as his agent. T think that's true of the collePe exnperience
Naturally, I had stepped into a hornet's nest, as general. I get the impression that students loved it. I plan on seeing the whole trilogy again.
Mike had neglected to inform me of some diffi- today, scared by a precarious economy and a So, given the end product, it's hard to fault Lucas for
:ulties he was having with Ralph Schiano over horizon of limited expectations, approach col- wanting to expose a new generation of American
he booking of Mr. West. Stuck in the middle, I lege like a technical training school in which dreamers to his film the way it was meant to be seen.
had to explain to Batman why he had gotten their sole interest is to assimilate certain data Yes, there is some definite greed at work behind the
stiffed on his portion of the fee. and master specific skills, rather than an envi- re-releases, but that's forgivable. Why should George
In 1989,1 came to the convention (thought my ronment in which to accumulate the experience Lucas be the only one above to buy a fleet of X-Wings
and the wisdom required to live a whole and to stage battles with?
reception was always a little frosty after "the
And as I was leaving the theater, I looked at the lit-
Batman incident"), bringing along this really full life. Much of what I learned in college,
tle boy who was sitting next to us with his grand-
nice girl I had just recently met. She feigned much of my insight into people and into mother and grandfather. His smile reached both ears,:
interest in allPthe nerdy stuff just to hang out myself, much of what I value from that time, and this in turn made his grandparents happy. It's
with me for the day. We were married in 1992 was gained outside of a classroom. just how I saw it my first time. That little boy was me
and are currently expecting our first child. So, like the big guys said... your mission, 20 years ago, and I remember sitting between my
I don't know who runs I-CON now. I stopped should you choose to accept it, is to explore Nana and Popie holding a tub of popcorn bigger than
attending it a few years ago because no one rec- strange new worlds, to seek out new life and my head, ready to take a ride to a galaxy far, far away.
ognizes me there anymore, and I feel like an new civilizations, to boldly go (go ahead, damn It would define my childhood for me, inextricably
it, and split that infinitive!) where no one (PC tangling together imagination, feelings of content-
intruder (also, because they expect me to PAY
ment, emotional ties to those I first saw it with, and a
for a ticket). It has become like visiting the strikes again!) has gone before...
-hundred Sundays spent re-building the shattered
house you grew up in, now occupied by remnants of an evil empire trying, but never succeed-
strangers. But that is as it should be. Ralph Sevush is an SUSB alumnus, class of ing, to regain power from a triumphant once-rebel-
I-CON has grown and, despite its peaks and 1983, and currently an entertainment attorney lion on my bedroom floor.
valleys (and near collapse), has become a tradi- practicing in New York. Thank you, George Lucas.

FEBRUARY 4, 1997 PAGE 17


-- --- - 111
MUSINGS II--;_. 1 ·I,..c:.`... .ii~ii~e

The Continuing Adve es of...


11::
·2:~

I find myself having to share my pot with people put a damper on my pot-smoking habits. What reefer, and you'll come out with a size 18 asshole.
that I don't like. Friends of mine bring friends of do I do? -- Antibody Adam
theirs over, and all of a sudden, I've got to share I'm dating this awful pusbag. He smells, has bad
my good ganja with people who don't deserve it. Antibody Adam: Ooh, nothing worse than sucking breath, no table manners, and says "hey?" after
What do I do? -- Greedy Weedy off a pipe covered in the saliva of the afflicted. every sentence. He wears Italian silk suits and
Thoughts of the sneezing and moaning you'll be hangs out at Metropolis. But he has great weed! I
Greedy Weedy: This is a tough question. Many doing tomorrow can kill a high faster than a team mean, it's killer! One puff and I'm high! But the
times, I've been confronted with this problem. of self-righteous Resident Assistants. There are smoking usually ends with "Enzo" humping my
How can I share my pot with some people, but not basically two answers to this problem. The first is thigh and falling asleep on my chest. What do I
others, without stepping on any toes? Why, just yours truly -- a bong. Unless you're a sick fuck do? - Anonymous In Astoria
last week, I had to share my marijuana with a who drinks the bongwater when done, there's a
raspy-voiced, wispy-haired computer hacker!. much reduced chance of catching cold this way, Well, do you mind getting your thigh humped? I
What to do, what to do. An essential part of mari- since the mouth goes IN the bong, not AROUND mean, if the shit's free... just kidding. There's no
juana use involves sharing. It's a social sport -- it. Just make sure Mucus Mike wipes his nose off reason to swap spit with a douchebag just because
you've got to have people around, and sometimes, before going in, because the last thing you need is he's got a good stash. If getting good pot means
enemies become friends. If you like the people you a booger floating in the bongwater. If you don't heavy petting with some club-hopping sack of pus,
smoke with, great. But if they smoke and run, then have a bong, you have a problem, and that's where then that pot better come with three wishes and the
you've got a problem. But I digress. Sometimes, the second solution comes in. Just don't smoke. ability to fly. It's just not worth it. Good pot is else-
putting up with the annoying "friend-of-a-friend" Shitty solution, I know, but it beats being sick, trust where, sister, you just have to look for it. Dump
is just part of the deal. There's little you can do me. I've never heard anything quite as depressing Dickw.ad and look elsewhere -- for good pot and
about it, because even if you have no problem evis- as "oh by god I'be zdoned." good lovin'.
cerating Slappy the Secondhand Smoker in front of (Send love letters to Dr. Bong, c/o The Stony
a room of a people, his friend (i.e. your friend) is I've got a great connection, but I think he's a Brook Press, Student Union, Room 060, SUNY @
going to be put in an awkward position. If you're NARC. How do I know? -- The Pot-Smoking Stony Brook, Stony Brook, NY 11794.)
close enough to your friend, you might want to Polack
take him aside later and say "Listen, I paid a lot for PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Bob
this pot, it's good, I like sharing, but he's an ass- If you think someone is a NARC, then automati- Marley's birthday is on February 6 -- and so is
hole, y'know? Let's call him up after we smoke." cally assume they're a NARC. The term "better Ronald Reagan's birthday! Both of them smoked
The only other option is to use a lighter to set the safe than sorry"- was invented 300 years ago, copious amounts of weed. Well, maybe Reagan was
person you don't like on fire. This'll usually get the around a roaring campfire, while a group of colo- just like that naturally., I mean, if you were married
point across. nial pioneers giggled wildly and tried to figure out to that strip of beef-jerky/woman he was, you'd act
what they put in the soup, but despite the saying's a little odd, too. But I digress. To celebrate Bob
My friend and pot-smoking buddy has a bad age, it still applies. And the government is posi- Marley's life, please, smoke if so inclined.
head cold that shows no sign of going away. I tively asinine when it comes to pot laws. They'll
really don't want to get sick, but don't want to put you away for a long time for a little bit of

tl

THE WUSB TOP 25


AndL;i,vYA;Xy
UTqR tnvx Rrook 90.1 FM
anuary 12, 1997 Mark Nimmer

ARTIST RECORD LABEL


1)Hi-Fives And A Whole Lotta You Lookout!
2)Tricky Pre-Millenium Tension Island
3)Built To Spill Perfect From Now On Wavnet
i) Trans Am Surrender To The Night Thrill Jockey
5)Moby A Christian Raver = Asshole Bad Music
6)Bollweevils Weevilive Dr. Strange
7)Crumbs The Crumbs Lookout!
8)Zoinks! Stranger Anxiety Dr. Strange
9)Oval Whatever Thrill Jockey
10) Screeching Weasel Bark Like A Dog Fat Wreck
11) Huevos Rancheros Get Outta Dodge Mint
12) Various Artists Compilation Shmompilation II Redroom
13) Hansom Brothjers Sudden Death Virgin
14) Spring Hill Jack 68 Million Sphincters Island
15) Various Artists Skandalous Compilation Shanachie
16) Lickity Split Volume Won! Double Deuce
17) Fiona Apple Bitch on a Piano Snoochie
18) Simon Chardie Bug Bite Daddy Upstart
19) Cinnamon Toast Soft Radio Pague
20) Sneaker Pimps Mark Nimmer's Handwriting Blows Dick
21) L.E.S. Stitches Snapped Eyeball
22) X-Rays Double Godzilla W/ Cheese Empty
23) Stratotankers Gambit Homestead
24) Allen Ginsberg Ballad Of The Skeletons Mercury
25) Star 69 Clean My Nipples Nipples
26) Bjork What The Fuck Is Her Problem? Assnugget
27).Spacemen 3 Redundant Indie Pop Taang
28) The Toasters Hard Band For Dead Moon Ska
29) Vampire Rodents Creamy Anal Crack! RUB! Sniff It
30) The LondonSuede Pretentious Limeys Limeys Suck

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 18


I_, Ir· I I I _ , I r rl I . -
MUSIC

I'~~~~~
%' I! - ri
bs b-eL:yrt~
B1E.EXUEI1':r
• .. .
1~@.2
r

By John Giuffo $14.99 at J.C. Penny's and


rim from Frank's gets the
;taple. Every good adven-
on from the elements (not
and nothing protects like a
olyester blend.

)odland adventures often


,and the copiously breast-
assistance in battling the
In this installment of Obscure Sub-Cultures, we explore t re of gravity. Bell is from
fragile reality of the Live-Action Role Player, or LARPer, as th feather is from a pigeon.
acronym-crazy members of the group prefer to call themselves
Live-action role playing combines the best elements of Watch: How else to keep
Dungeons and Dragons and schizophrenia to create an alter- ition depletion and
nate reality for people too uncomfortable in this reality. Movement calculations?
A visit to the annual ICON convention here on campus
can give you a glimpse at the lifestyle of the Live-Action The resourceful LARPer
Role Player. Remember that 350 lb. girl in the chain mail e bought for dice (Oh, and
bikini? You can bet your limited edition copy of Deities :e he has!) as a carry-all for
and Demigods that she's seen her share of LARP action.
candies and sesame seeds
When elaborate months-long campaigns consuming
omponents. Only a clever
reams of paper and 20 players just don't do it for you,
why not strap on a plate mail vest made from cardboard ent separates the LARPer
and aluminum foil, visit the Brach's candy stand a of all things magical.
Waldbaum's to stock up on spell components, and "borrov
grandmother's brooch to use as a ward against evil spells al from PVC piping and duct
back for a weekend of running around the woods out of ord is a wood-freak's best
while not bathing, and eating cold Chef Boyardee ravioli st his hand) and it often gets
from the can? .nfaced with certain doom
True, it's no filk show, but it has its perks. Just make sure PC's. Held to his torso by
read and understand whatever D&D rip-off rulebook the we rinyl belt from the Big and
coordinators have supplied you, or you'll find yourself tryin 'Boffer" sword makes the
Magic Missile only to find out you must eat every dried nything (except reality).
you've brought with you, and then you're fucked.
And maybe, just maybe, you'll find out that 12 yearn 1 get the LARPer stylish pro-
Dungeons and Dragons playing does teach us all a little bi old, as well as society.
-i- _--i. - _--~- ^^·
courage.
about

By Antony John Lorenzo As it happens, fans of Dionne Warwick have Ha Ha, you hopeless sap!"
subjected themselves to years of her hypnotic Upon further examination of this industry, it is
Our intellect is being assaulted, abused and love ballads. Repeated exposure to songs such possible to foresee a scary future for mankind,
siphoned by an uncontrollable force, an evil as Heartbreaker and Walk on By have induced a where million dollar industries fatten their wal-
organization which aims to engulf humankind confused, foggy state where that initial decision lets by deceiving the general public. The scariest
in a delusive, never-ending flurry of thirty to call comes without second thought. Similarly, thing of all is that callers are led to believe that
minute brainwashing advertisements. To put it fans of daytime soaps are so heavily involved in the psychics apparent knowledge of the past can
bluntly, psychic networks are evil and if I have the pretend worlds of Days of Our Lives and only mean that their advice for the future should
to sit through another millisecond of their offen- The Bold and the Beautiful that paying $3.99 a be heeded. Could this be the first step in the
sive, mindnumbing onslaught my brain will minute to hear an operator read an expanded inevitable wave of mass medium conducted
explode. version of their credit history back to them is an programming that has the ability to destroy
Firstly, these phony phone frauds are facetious essential part of their day. On the commercial, mankind as we know it? I think it does. You see,
foreseers of a fallacious future, for real. This mysteriously satisfied callers re-tell of their psy- as long as people rely on an outer establishment
future is created and determined by shameful- chic experiences; "She knew everything!" to attempt to see into the future there will be a
ly unqualified "psychics" who prey on the smiles the young professional, "She told me my group of people who (while often remaining
weak of mind to fuel a million dollar industry. wife was going to divorce me, I'm calling stringently substance free) will be completely
They create a hallucinatory world deep within again!" Another young woman beams a broad out of touch with reality, so involved in Dionne
happy little television sets. Specific sounds and smile; "She knew I just had a miscarriage! I was Warwick, daytime television and psychic
colors are used in these advertisements, they amazed!" Isn't something awfully wrong here? friends that physical existence in the real world
appear for specific amounts of time for specific Am I the only sane person in the universe? Yes, is no more. As long as there are these cleverly
reasons. Even more specific people are prompt- I am, so please read on. hidden engineers of evil airwaves there will
ed to say specific things, they reflect their spe- One prophecy a psychic friend is capable of is always be the fear of a zombified takeover by
cific experiences with their specific choice of always kept a secret from the caller. It wouldn't lonely housewives and unemployed middle
psychic friends. be good for business if a psychic operator pre- aged men persuaded by psychic friends to carry
Now it is a tactic of these "friends" to invade dicted to the caller the vast amounts of cash he out various acts of terror on unsuspecting citi-
the minds of their target audience. Practically all or she would spend after becoming helplessly zens who had the common sense not to call up
of the various psychic networks employ soap hooked; "I have a vision of you calling Psychic in the first place.
stars or washed-up R&B icons to push the prod- Frauds eight times a day for over two months. Hey, that's what friends are for! Keep smiling!
uct. They are aware that fans of such celebrities You will run out of money lose your job and be
are easily influenced and just as easily deceived. tossed out into the street by your landlord!

FEBRUARY 4, 1997 PAGE 19


THE FINAL WORD - L u ~~~ · L

By Lowell Yaeger spoke to him before a recent performance, I away, David Yow tossed a few pieces of errant
got buzzed off his breath). They were equally clothing back into the crowd and admonished
THE JESUS LIZARD, 1/25, IRVING PLAZA prepared for the sight of Yow's sweaty, the showgoers to"be good and don't shit in
scrawny buttocks, a side-effect of having his your own mouth." Words of wisdom that I'm
What has eight legs, eight arms, and a ten- pants around his ankles upon returning to sure the shell-shocked showgoers, already
dency to expose itself onstage? Well, if it the stage. coughing up blood from the internal injuries
records muddy-sounding albums owned by a Just getting started, folks. they'd sustained in the pit, took to heart.
legion of rabid cult Over the course of
followers and is the next 90 minutes, I
considered an unin- was treated to...
telligible mess of ...numerous guest A few stray pieces of interesting informa-
blues-punk and appearances by tion, for anyone willing to listen. Lollapalooza
noisy howling by David Yow's penis, negotiations have begun, and the names
everyone else, then ...a call on David being bandied about include Korn, Foo
it's probably The Yow's part for a Fighters, Tool, and The Prodigy. Alt-rock
Jesus Lizard. seamstress to repair entrepreneur-cum-heroin addict Perry Farrell
It's difficult for a his jeans, which had has also rejoined the planning group.
band to overcome a lost a button in the Speaking of the demented little elf, he recent-
reputation based on course of his perfor- ly cancelled a slew of Porno For Pyros shows,
experimental noise mance, on the pretense (read: pretentious) that the
rock. That's where ..."Ladies and gen- presence of David Navarro as guitarist led
the strength of The tlemen, Chris Farley many to believe that a revamped Jane's
Jesus Lizard's live by the bar. Chris Addiction would nerform Not on said
show comes into Young, talented, and booqgelr-free: The JesusLizard.
r-free:T
sFL . \n,
,
arley!", Farrell, narrowly avoiding a dangerous
play, a muscle they flexed last Saturday at ...a flick of ass-sweat, increase in his flagging credibility.
Irving Plaza. The performance was both the ...and a brief argument between the singer Is there a support group for people whose
last show on their current tour and their only and a bouncer that nearly resulted in the favorite well-established musical stand-bys
NYC headlining appearance in two-and-a- 500.1b+ stage guard pummeling the tiny little are rapidly losing their charm? Except for a
half years, making for a highly excited crowd. vocalist into a pancake, few nice touches, the new Nine Inch Nails and
(A crowd which was both pretty large AND These were all secon )de singles are utter crap.
well-behaved. You can more or less count on remarkable music ;ahan doesn't have a sin-
the people at a Jesus Lizard show to be there churned out by the bar ew idea in his head, and
for the music, and not to fuck around. That unit tighter than an ad it Reznor thinks he's
didn't stop the giggling 12-year-old girls from lescent nun's pussy an< aying Vampire: The
showing up in force, though. What the hell composed of musi- iasquerade with Anton
were giggling 12-year-old girls doing at a cians trained in jazz Corbijn. On the other side
Jesus Lizard show?) (guitarist Duane of the token, Live, a band
After a forgettable opening act by Brainiac, Denison), old-school I had previously found
a technopop band that combined the punk (bassist David fit for ridicule and little
uncharming idiot stares of a Monkees cover- Wm. Sims), and O.J. else, has released a song I
act and the on-stage showboating of Bush, Simpson-style skin ctually like - a lot. Both
The Jesus Lizard took the stage to a round of smacking (drummE e song "Lakini's Juice"
screaming and cheering. Lead singer David Jim Kimball). Sthe video have con-
Yow looked at the crowd, an expression of The band bounced cl i me to pick up their new
bewilderment on his vaguely impish features, cally back and forth vhen it comes out next
put down the 50-some-odd beers he had The Jesus Lizard's reli . What's next? A ground-
brought on-stage, and said "how can we play unstructured earlier work [ You don't want to know. I breaking ballad about existen-
with you guys making that much noise?" ("Killer McHann") to their more tightly-knit, tialism, set to a trip-hop/funk fusion back-
Less than 15 seconds later, the band tore but no less satisfying, later material drop, by Alanis Morissette?
into "russ", a classic noiseabilly ("Thumbscrews" and "Good Also in the works are new albums from
lament-about/ode-to domestic Riddance"). Along the way, they Helmet (March 4!), Dinosaur Jr, and Faith No
abuse, regardless of the managed to perform a new song More. All of them should be touring as well,
soundlevel of the crowd. Less suggesting that Jim Kimball, although no one in his right mind would want
than 15 seconds after THAT, replacement for drummer Mac to go see an act as boring as Dinosaur Jr. Tool
David Yow had ditched his McNeilly, will fit in just fine. is also touring the East Coast again, this time
tacky gold-lame cowboy shirt After a rousing rendition of with the Melvins as a support act - should be
and was swimming the crowd, "Gladiator", the band departed a great show, go check 'em out.
howling "I kick her down the the stage, only to return a few Last but certainly not least, aging punk Jello
stairwell/I think you can take moments later for a 7-song Biafra is getting busy again, this time plan-
her!" at the top of his lungs into encore that would include a ning the 200th release on his label, Alternative
a microphone that miraculously cover of The Stranglers' "Shut Tentacles. The album, a Dicks compilation
remained in his hand. The Up" and a performance of the whose liner notes are to be penned bythe
crowd was prepared for this trademark "Seasick", a song aforementioned David Yow and Fugazi's Ian
stunt, a combination of strategic I laicepiv e,guys. I that had Yow swimming the MacKaye, should be out next month.
performance art and drunken carousing crowd and screaming "I can swim!" into his
(David Yow has been known to toss back a microphone.
few before a show, so much so that when I As the last chords. of their final song faded

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 20