It's been some time since I wrote something.

A lot of things have occurred in m

y life, I would talk about them but I'm too lazy to name at least some of them r
ight now but maybe next time... just maybe. I mentioned in my previous post abou
t having relations with an older woman and it turns out she's been on my mind a
lot lately, no clue why though. There's just something about her that provokes m
e to have thoughts relating to her even after when I kind of got over her. Not s
ure how in depth I got into about her in my previous writing but now I have this
sudden urge to share with others what were my feelings, thoughts, and memories
that I had while I was with her.
I'm going to start off with telling you her name which is Remi and she is 23 ye
ars old. At first, I thought it was a peculiar name to give to a girl but hey, t
here are weird names that were given to boys as well. We met each other online t
hrough the PlayStation 3 in a virtual reality game and we started off as just fr
iends. We talked a considerable amount of times throughout the week. I guess I c
ould say we had a connection, sort of like two puzzle pieces. As time went by, I
started to have feelings for her but I thought it was normal because we were ju
st friends and friends have feelings for each other.
Eventually, the feelings got stronger. I told her about them and she thought it
was cute considering I'm only 16 years old and the way I approached her. Couple
of weeks later, out of the blue she said she loved me. At that moment, it felt
like fireworks went off inside me and it was the happiest moment of my life. I r
esponded back saying I loved her too and after that, things kicked off great. We
were both very happy and talked much more than when we first met. I got to know
her better because she was kind of preserved but since we had strong feelings f
or each other, she opened up a bit more.
Many of my friends said she wasn't that "hot" or anything along those lines whe
n I showed them what she looked like but I didn't care. Her personality, the way
she talked, thought, contemplated things, etc. was what made her beautiful. I l
oved her with all my being and she was everything to me. Many people question th
is because I'm only 16 and she was 23, seven year difference. Fortunately, my be
liefs were true and real to me. I loved her to the point where I would sacrifice
my life for her if needed.
Things settled after a while, we still talked a lot. I remember when we both sp
oke of living together when I was older and eventually getting married. Those to
pics made me really happy because I had someone in my life who was willing to go
the distance with me. It all felt too good to be true. I cherished every moment
and I cared for her. Every word she spoke and her the voice she projected when
speaking to me in voice chat, was kept in my memories.
Around February of 2014, things started feeling weird between us. I noticed she
was distant and didn't talk a lot. It worried me and we talked about it, she wa
s saying of how bad it would be to get caught or how we would be looked down upo
n by society. I told her that age was just a number and to not worry about it. T
emporarily, those words worked and got to her. Several weeks later, it got to he
r again to the point where I used all of my strength to influence her that every
thing will be alright and that we will be together soon and that we don't have t
o worry about others just us... she then stated "You wouldn't be happy in the en
d." I asked what she meant by that and she couldn't explain why.
The next day, I messaged her but didn't get a response. I messaged her again an
d still nothing. I thought her phone died or she's just really busy working. Thi
s absence extended for a week. I then realized she left me. Even now when I'm wr
iting this, tears still come down my cheeks. I've never felt so much pain and mi
sery after I came to that realization. I lost the most wondrous thing in the wor
ld to me. I hated everyone and everything. Every smile I saw in school, I wished
for them to be upside down. For love and happiness to be stripped from everyone
who felt it. I would burst into violent rages when I was alone at home. I would
punch things, scream at the top of my lungs, and cried until my eyes hurt. Ther
e was so much and anger in me, I couldn't contain it and had to let it out in so
me way.
As time went by, I calmed down but became very depressed. I kept asking myself
"Why me?" and to this day, I still don't know why. I got over the depression in
a couple of months and my views on life have changed. Those thoughts I had of lo
ve and happiness being stripped from others was a very selfish to thing to wish.
I don't have those thoughts anymore and I've moved on. Remi is someone who I wi
ll remember for the rest of my life. I will carry her on until I fall asleep for
ever. I have forgiven her but not myself yet. Even after all the pain she has ca
used, I would still give away my life for her even if we're not together. She ch
anged me in so many ways, negatively and positively, and I'm thankful for it. Th
e truth that I now hold inside me, no one will ever be like Remi. She was my one
and only. I know there are some gaps in my story but unfortunately, I can't fil
l those gaps completely due to my lack of memory and laziness. I know my writing
isn't the best, but I know for sure you guys can understand what I am writing.