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Vol. XXII No. 8 "Reach around your soul and love your fellow man" February 7, 2001

Oil Spill @Galapagos Islands

The Pflaums Break it Dowr

Meal Plan9From Outer Space
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Oil SillY@ T'he Enchanted Islands

By Diana Post
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In 1835, Charles
Darwin spent several
weeks at the Galapagos
Islands. His stay there
led to his writing of the
most influential texts of
his century, The Origin q
Species. Two weeks ago,
these precious islands
off the northwestern
coast of South America
suffered a disaster that
put the world on edge.
The oil tanker
Jessica ran aground just
500 yards from the shor
of San Cristobal Island
when her captain,
Tarquino Arevalo, mis-
took a signal buoy for a
stranded for four days,
slowly keeled until it w
When this listing occurr
diesel fuel and bunker,
on cruise ships, began p
tine waters surrounding
tanker was uninsured. will take the ecosystem three to four years to spotted along Santa Fe Island with diesel stains.
The veteran captain tearfully told offi- recover fully from the spill. The damage could be grave for the hundreds of
cials after he was detained at a local military base, When oil is leaked into the ocean, it sea lions and thousands of iguanas that populate
that if the Galapagos National Park officials had effects several different aspects of the ecosystem. Santa Fe, Carlos Valle, coordinator of the World
called for help earlier, the oil leaking out of the It stops sunlight from reaching the ocean floor, Wildlife Fund's Galapagos program in Ecuador
vessel could have been prevented. He, and his which kills the algae and plant life. This, in turn said. Thankfully, the Galapagos inhabitants that
crew, face up to four years in prison if they are causes the grazing animals and fish to die off. are in danger of extinction, like the miniature
brought up on charges of negligence and crimes Ecologists are also concerned about the bottom- Galapagos penguin and the flightless cormorant
against the environment. Arevalo said that he dwelling sea life, such as lobsters and the marine are not in danger because they live on the western
knows he is responsible for the vessel running iguana, which exists no where else in the world, half of the islands.
aground, but he could not control the oil in the and grazes algae from the sea floor. The humans who live on the Galapagos
hull. Ironically, the tanker's cargo was to be deliv- This spill is terrible because of where it are also affected by this disaster. The local fisher-
ered to the tour boat industry on the Galapagos, occurred, but it is by no means the worst the men who depend on the sea are at a standstill.
which attracts more than 45,000 tourists each year. world has ever seen. Even the Exxon Valdez spill, The 160,000 human inhabitants of the islands
Water currents began pushing the oil which was the worst spill in U.S. waters, ranks have been warned not to swim or eat sea food, a
slick immediately, and by Tuesday it had reached 53rd out of the worst oil disasters. The worst oil difficult warning since fish is the main source of
the shores of Santa Fe Island, 37 miles west of San spill in history occurred in 1991, when not only food on the island chain. The fishermen cannot
Cristobal. However, the currents have since tankers, but oil terminals failed, and released fish in the shallow waters as they normally do,
changed and are moving the 488 mile slick north- more than 240 million gallons of oil and petrole- and those who go out to deeper sea come back as
ward and away from the "Enchanted Islands", a um into the Persian Gulf. covered in oil as the animals.
nickname they received because clouds of fog As far as officials know only one pelican Over the weekend, workers emptied the
would often obscure the islands from the view of and two seagulls have died. But many other birds vessel of its remaining cargo, and the efforts to
sailors. and marine animals such as sea lions, seagulls, clean up the oil are ongoing. Many feel that
About 185,000 gallons of diesel leaked blue-footed boobies and albatrosses have been Ecuador should review tougher conservation laws
into the fragile ecosystem, which includes many affected. Volunteers and workers from the to prevent accidents like this in the future.

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anti-cow will be appearinq @
the Arcade this Friday from 10am
until Lpm to autoqoph their
latest CD "aiqht where's me smack"
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By Meagen Reeve, NYPIRG Project Coordinator

Hir ucation Woes
D minus. That's what we've got. One on it, and it's not nearly enough," said Stony to opportunity programs that many rely on such
step above the lowest possible ranking. You Brook se n ior Sandra Davermann, whose TAP as EOP, HEOP, and SEEK, as well as a $5 million
wouldn't want that on your college transcript, [Tuition Assistance Program] funding was cut in cut to childcare programs.
and you certainly don't want that designation half during the last year. If you're not speaking out in defense of
given to the system that is providing you with New York is one of the stingiest states- in your own education, then it's time to wake up
your education. the top three, nonetheless- when it comes to and realize what you have to lose. We obviously
The National Center for Public Policy appropriating money for higher education. Even can't rely on our Governor to look out for the
and Higher Education awarded the SUNY and now as the state enjoys a $2 billion surplus, the interests of students so we will have to fight until
CUNY system a D- for Affordability on its Higher New York State budget is finding ways to make he does. If you want to let someone know how
Education Report Card after a state-by-state survey students pay more. What that translates into are these budget cuts to SUNY have threatened your
done in 2000, as if the students in New Ycrk State fewer and fewer people who can afford an educa- education, join us up in Albany for NYPIRG's
couldn't have told you that already. tion. It is sincerely baffling that the legislators Higher Education Lobby Day on March 5th. You
We're broke, we're working a job or two who are supposed to be working to benefit and will be able to speak directly to your elected offi-
to make ends meet, and when we finally graduate better our state don't prioritize a college educa- cials and tell them how these cuts hurt you and
and head out we're already behind on the thou- tion for its future citizens, parents, and workforce. your family.
sands of dollars we owe in loans. And the New For that reason, NYPIRG (The New York To find out more about Higher Education
York State Governor doesn't give a shit. Public Interest Research Group) continues to lead Lobby Day, as well as NYPIRG's other campaigns
Every year we hold our breath to see just the fight across New York State to keep education including environmental preservation, consumer
how bad Governor Pataki's budget proposal is affordable for students of all socio-economic back- protection, hunger and homeless outreach, cam-
going to try to screw students. Our tuition has grounds. The whole point of state-funded uni- paign finance reform, anti-sweatshops, and Small
gone up 155% in the past decade at a rate faster versities used to be to provide a quality education Claims Court Action Center, come out to our
than any other state in the nation. To add insult regardless of financial status, and every year Student Action Meeting on Thursday, February
to injury, tuition hikes are often accompanied by NYPIRG fights to keep that goal a reality. 15 at 7:00pm in the Union Bi-Level. You'll hear
slashed budgets for financial aid. This year we are calling on the Governor student leaders speak about these issues and how
Most students already know this because to increase funding for TAP, including TAP for you can get involved. After all, your education
they've had to absorb these costs themselves. part-time students and graduate students, and to just might depend on it.
"Even the students that you wouldn't think need reduce tuition by $250. NYPIRG students across
financial aid- however little bit they get- do rely the state are also fighting to halt a $13 million cut

A.LPtter tin DYibv a. in Aadvi Cr for thIP

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ByArif Rafiq
President Bush, Republicans winning over the Congress. Newt's
revolution was his nightmare. Gephardt's revo-
Hope you are getting comfortable in your lution will be yours - if you fail to remember
new home. After giving the Oval Office a "good lessons from the past and what saved Clinton's
scrubbing", as you promised, you need to get set political life.
for a long stretch of sleepless nights and serious Perhaps even more importantly, you
politicking. Mr. President, your first hundred need to make civil rights one of your administra-
days in office will define your first thousand days tion's major concerns, just like Clinton made wel-
in office. In fact, your first week will be the most fare reform one of his. You need to sign a bill
critical set of days in your entire administration. into office banning all forms of profiling, whether
Now this may shock you, but the key to it is ethnic, racial or religious. Affirmative action
the success of your presidency lies in modeling is condemned by many of your supporters
yourself in one way after your predecessor. Don't because it makes one's race an issue, but then so
worry, it has nothing to do with pizza. The one too should racial profiling. Forcing our states to
Clintonian precedent you need to adopt is that of abandon this immoral policy will help increase
maintaining centrist positions. the confidence of minorities in our law enforce-
This week, Senator John McCain will be ment. Secondly, you need to appoint an African
introducing his campaign finance legislation. His American leader to an advisory position. Coretta
challenge, unlike the other ones that you face, can Scott King, wife of slain civil rights leader Martin
be perceived as one from "within". As your Luther King, Jr., is one of the more viable candi-
motorcade rode along Pennsylvania Avenue, you dates. She is less partisan than most African
were certain to have seen the hundreds, if not American leaders and maintains a spotless repu-
thousands of protesters. Your administration can- tation.
wiml e a tougn issue to tackle, so take a moderate
not afford an attack from the right in addition to Finally, it is the economy, stupid. A approach, and don't ignore the plight of college
these current attacks from the left. Compromise recession or a steep economic slowdown will students as you focus on primary education. The
is necessary. Campaign finance reform is Senator pave the way for an Al Gore or Hillary Clinton amounts of federal grants for undergraduates
McCain's pet issue, thus if you can negotiate a presidency. I'm sure your family doesn't want have not changed much over the past fifteen
settlement with him on it, he will probably be off two one-termers. Fiscal responsibility, along with years, while college tuition has more than dou-
your back for quite some time. Well, at least until the rapid development of the 'new economy', are bled.
2002 when he starts campaigning again for the the two major factors that contributed to a two- Therefore, Mr. President, unifying the
Republican nomination. term Clinton presidency. His approval ratings are country by taking centrist positions on campaign
Although you have obtained a so high because we are in a period of unprece- finance reform, civil rights, and tax cuts, in addi-
Democratic sponsor for your tax reform bill, dented prosperity. You probably will "restore tion to fiscal responsibility and continued eco-
Senator Zell Miller (D-GA), it will certainly be honor and dignity to the White House", but that nomic growth, will help you earn a victory in
viewed as a partisan initiative. Yes, you need to won't mean much if people are seeing pink slips 2004. If people feel they are well off and if they
cut taxes because you promised to. It falls into and a decrease in their savings. don't see you as a tool of the Christian Coalition,
line with your conservative philosophy of trust- As for other issues, like health care Fortune 500 CEO's, and the NRA, then you will
ing the people with the responsibility over their reform and education, they will be tough to tack- have a decisive victory in 2004. Your base is
own money. But a drastic tax cut is too much of le. The Clinton administration failed in their solidified - you have the eastern end of the politi-
an economic risk, as we are in state of slowing health care initiative by settings the initial goals cal spectrum secured. Now heed the words of
growth, and it bears serious negative political too high. It learned that gradual change, for Horace Greely and, "Go west young man!"
ramifications. Remember that Clinton was set in example with Child Health Plus programs, is a
1994 to be a one-term president. His adamancy more suitable method. So don't get too hung over Sincerely,
contributed to government shutdowns and the it. The same also goes for education. Vouchers Arif Rafiq
Page 3
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Editorial Dear Jesus hrist Kingr f King s A.l

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-*-LP~IvnIiarsmite GpnrniA Rush
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Executive Editor
.aIPaH IIassnrI

Now, I'm not what you would call a of a bitch. Managing Editor
Christian. Nor would you even refer to me Hey, I know that you're busy, believe Glenn "Squirrel"'Given
as an overtly spiritual fellow. But, in the me I can sympathize. So if you want to sub-
wake of the recent presidential election I contract this work out to some other bibli- Associate Editor
have found you, my lord and saviour, Jesus cal figure that would be just fine. Heck, Jill Baron
Christ. even if you wanna get some crazy mortal to Business Manager
So Jesus, King of Kings, Son of Man, do it that's cool with me. All I ask is that Absent McNothere
Holiest of Holies all that , your newly you make sure that whoever does the job is
devoted son, ask of you is that you smite thorough. News Editor
George W. Bush. Oh, and try and get it to happen on Ellen Yau
I know that this seems like a tall live TV if you could.
order, especially coming from one of your I appreciate your consideration in Features Editor
new recruits, but I truely belive that my these matters and for taking the time out of Baron Von Emptyspace
love and adoration for you and you father your busy schedule of appearing in water Arts Editor
would only be strengthened if you were to stains on the sides of bui•dgs and inciting Debbie Sticher
strike George W. Bush dead where he holy wars to listen to me. If upon further
stands. consideration you find that you are unable Photo Editor
Actually, now that I think of it, sim- to either personally or through one of your Isaac Pflaum
ply releasing George W. from this mortal intermediaries snuff the flame of George W.
coil wouldn t really do much to solve the Bush's candle, please forward this request Copee Edider
perdicament that my people and I find our- to any and all other Messiahs, Deities or Lord Nonexistence III, Duke
selves in. As such, in the interest of the Demi-Gods that you are aware of. of Vacancyshire
greater good you should also claim the life P.S. I must stress the ugency of this Production Mngr.
of Dick Cheney as well. And John Ashcroft, situation and implore you to act swiftly
should you choose to entertain my humble Jacklyn Yeh
and Christine Whitman, and if it's not to
much trouble the rest of George W's request.
Cabinet. Thank you Jesus, Jesus whose love is Ombudsman
Oh, and while you're at it take out eternal, Jesus, bringer of Life after Death Walter Boot
Carson Daily as well. Yeah, he's an evil son (except, hopefully, for George W. Bush).
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Connors,Cheyl Edelman,Rob
be crowded around the muddy Gilheany Angeos K Hannides,
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frozen swamp in Roth quad. JenHobin,BrianKate,

I-con- Aah, the sweet embrace DavidKlein,BrianLibfeid,
of science fiction... Pseudo-celebri-
ties, drugs, anime porn screenings, ELving Steve PestE,
Hamlet in Klingon and the love of DianaPost,
the unwashed, t-con is where it's at CraigSdilanger
for all your leather-clad needs. Brian"Scoop" Schneider,
Beerfest- A little jammy we at KatieSinnot, ChrisSorodin,
the Press (21 & over, fellas) throw
every spring. It basically entails the haon Sng,Donald Toner,
"sampling" and evaluating of a HilayVidairJoanna iehlik,
select genre of beer. It's not exactly MidhaelYh,
the greatest thing if you aren't part DanielYohannes
of the Press, but so what? Join the
paper and you can test beer also. The Stony Brook Press is published bi-weekly
Attractive people- Let's get during the academic year and twice during
down to what really makes spring the summer intersession by The Stony Brook
worthwhile: no more bulky winter Press, a student run and student funded
clothes. Whether you're male, non-profit organization. The opinions
female or otherwise, -you probably expressed in letters and viewpoints do not
appreciate the opportunity that necessarily reflect those of the staff.
Advertising policy does not necessarily
warm weather provides for you to .reflect editorial policy. For more informa-
ogle. tion on advertising and deadlines call
The Goat Roast- This is just (516)632-6451. Staff meetings are held
awesome. The anthropology Wednesdays at 1:00 pm. First copy free. For
department gets in touch with their additional copies contact Business
roots by carving up a goat with Manager.
hand-made obsidian tools and The Stony Brook Press
roasting it over an open fire. The Suites 060 & 061
event has caught flak recently over Student Union
SUNY at Stony Brook
the cruelty-to-animals issue and Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200
now it takes place off campus. (516) 632-6451 Voice
Damn those squares, always spoil- (516) 632-4137 Fax
ing everyone's good time.
[--gUy e 4

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Letter: We're all coinr to a non-Christian Hell! Yav!

This message is for the pus bags who write If a foolish member of the twice-born classes
the column "Dr. Dog". I have never seen such [brahmana, ksatriya and vaisya] forces his wife to
pathetic filth from any newspaper in my whole drink his semen out of a lusty desire to keep her
life, and I'm an alumni from NYU . under control, he is put after death into the hell
It just totally degrades the process of acquir- known as Lalabhaksa. There he is thrown into a
ing knowledge (that's why we're all @ Boney flowing river of semen, which he is forced to
Brook right? DUUUHHH) and destitutes one's drink.
consciousness to the animal species. PURPORT:
See what our scriptures have to say about The practice of forcing one's wife to drink
your demoniac activities and your propagation. one's own semen is a black art practiced by
You may think you are entertaining someone's extremely lusty persons. Those who practice this
mind, but you're really just inviting them to. very abominable activity say that if a wife is
Srimad Bhagavatam (by AC Bhaktivedanta forced to drink her husband's semen, she remains
Swami Prabhupada) Canto 5, Chapter 25, Verse 26 very faithful to him. Generally only low-class men
"yas tv iha vai savarnam bharyam dvijo retah engage in this black art, but if a man born in a
payayati kama-mohitas tam papa-krtam amutra higher class does so, after death he is put into the
retah-kulyayam patayitva retah sampayayanti." hell known as Lalabhaksa. There he is immersed in
SYNONYMS: the river known as Sukra-nadi and forced to drink
yah-any person who; tu-but; iha-in this semen.
life; vai-indeed; savarnam-of the same caste;, Prepare to drink and swallow!
bharyam-his wife; dvijah-a person of a higher
caste (such as a brahmana, ksatriya or vaisya); Sincerly,
retah-the semen; payayati-causes to drink; Chandravali Christiansen
kama-mohitah-being deluded by lusty desires;
tam-him; papa-krtam-performing sin; amutra- - P.S. That should read chapter 26, not 25,
in the next life; retah-kulyayam-in a river of
semen; patayitva-throwing; retah-semen; sam- P.P.S. And it should be "Translation and Purports
payayanti-force to drink. by AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada", since
TRANSLATION: he didn't write the actual whole thing.

Letter: Religion 2, Press -10

Your "credibility quotient" just dropped 10 as good as the level of emotional response it elicits in
points (see above-mentioned article in Nov.29 issue of the reader.
The Stony Brook Press)-the book of "Revelations" is, So, your article is good in that it caused me to
in reality, the book of REVELATION-you will notice write this in response! No matter what, keep writing.
that there is no letter "s" in the title (look it up). Yours,
I only point this out to show you that I have Clifford Still, Pharmacist
indeed read your articleand a newspaper article is only Student Health Service Pharmacy

Letter. Frntin' ta Isaac

Letter to the Editor I also wanted to point out a factual error in
Isaac's article. He seems to imply that the act of
In reading Isaac Pflaum's column about the arm- Governor George Pataki "deputizing campus peace
ing of campus police, I was struck by a strong sense of officers" (which actually was a law passed by the state
irony. In the very same issue of your paper in which assembly, not an executive decree) gave campus offi-
Mr. Pflaum decries the "oppression" of the campus cers the right to carry guns. This is not the case.
police (whom he apparently considers to be "polite and According to the terms specified in the legislation, the
well-trained" oppressors whose character he has no chief administrative officer of each university is
reason to question), he also talks about smashing his responsible for deciding whether or not to arm campus
car to a pulp with a tire iron. Now, I happen to know police. So while we are all aware of the sins that Pataki
Isaac personally, so far be it from me to question his has visited upon the SUNY system, forced arming of
mental stability. However, it seems to me that a kid campus police is not one of them. If Isaac and the read-
going crazy with a tire iron is reason enough to be ers of this paper have issues with allowing the police
thankful that campus police are armed. It is the nature here to carry guns, then they have no one else to blame
of the law that the threat of some physical force is nec- about the matter than University President Shirley
essary to maintain it. If Isaac wasn't complaining about Strum Kenny. But she is from Texas, sodon't hold your
guns one gets the sense that he would be complaining breath waiting for action...
about allowing the police to carry "oppressive" hand-
cuffs and badgering the "polite" pigs for human rights
abuses. -Jonathan Gelling :
Page 5
By Angelos Hannides
Thep Sorry State of Things
Silence is my preferred form of reaction, when I wish to protest or express my disagreement at a situation in which I am called to rejoice.
Unfortunately, doing so in the case of the politics of this country will not do me any good. Not because I will not be accounted for as one of the cheer-
ing lot, but because my silence will be taken as a sign of acceptance of this sorry state or, in the worst case, as a sign of satisfaction.
Well, I am not satisfied and I do not accept the state of things at all. The state of things frankly sucks, and the people living in it are content
with shaking their heads and scratching their asses. Half of them, that is. These are the ones who think that if someone else were playing president,
things would be better. I have to admit that there is an attractive and simple elegance in their liberal ignorance. There certainly are things to be said
about the presidents, those who elect them, the laws and the crimes. They follow below.

I will not mention anything about the substance use, public nudity, public expression the Uwa people.
ways the major parties discover and declare of opinion, freedom of appearance. If you think So, two baboons and the millions of
their candidates. Various trapping techniques, that I am exaggerating on that last one, picture their hominid followers wrestled for a position
both ancient and modern, are employed to yourself in black skin and dreadlocks in front of on the window. One of them wedged his way
catch them, and then beautiful artificial land- four NYPD cops. Just guess what they were on the seat, in profound and repeated violations
scapes are used to make them look cozy, comfy taught in cop school. of the shreds of what was once a democratic
and actually cognizant. But, some are smart, In case you think that capital punish- constitution. What would spark extensive
you will say! Sure, it is likely that some of them ment was another point of divergence, let me demonstrations, not to say a revolution, in nor-
did well in college, can find their way around show you the forest. Prisons have become pri- mal societies, barely made headlines. This is
New York City using the subway, and know vate ventures, contracted to companies which probably a predictable reaction, considering
how to use a computer. However, it is more charge per capita, and are in business for how people handled electing and re-electing
likely that their college life was taken care of by money and not for public service. If the prison- one of the ten best presidents of the country
lineage and donations, that they are probably industrial complex wants to maximize its prof- ever in the eighties. A lunatic actor, who want-
driving around town in their limos, and that its, it will increase the capita. And, surprise, it ed to be able to fight in space like in the
they have absolutely no need to use computers; has promptly been doing so even during the movies, fired and replaced all air-traffic
they just hire people to do,it for them. Hardly past eight years. Actually, almost half of the employees of the country overnight, and still
suitable to work for the state, which is the task people jailed every year, serve because of doing got an airport named after him. An airport in
at hand. something to their own bodies (possession of the country's capital. People survived that,
The so-called presidential debates were substances), while cops who kill and maim still therefore they think (and they probably will)
revealing. We witnessed two baboons opening roam the streets with guns. Not a word. survive this one too. Do remember, however,
and closing their mouths, arguing, we were Business as usual for both apes. that laws have been violated with the consent
told, about "issues". And most friends I could not forget the environment, that of the supreme judicial body of the country and
informed me that "yes, it (was) all about remote and abstract notion detached from thus have been rendered obsolete. Just like the
issues!" It is not hard to see why we are missing human societies, but much coveted by one herd state.
the forests for some trees. For example, the two as a prime priority. You see the other one wants These words are not meant to disap-
primates differed in opinion on their use of to use the resources in the environment and point. They are meant to underline the impor-
public funds for education at early levels (for thus ruin it. Pull back a bit and look at the tance of our personal lives and conducts, more
the time being), but they did not seem to be dis- argument from a distance. What is being dis- so today than ever before. The personal is very
turbed by the massive sell-out of state educa- cussed is the protection of the environment just political and we should declare our politics by
tion at all levels. Show me a few American state here, in this country. One says "let's screw it the lives we lead and share our personal experi-
colleges with no tuition fees, like those which here too", the other one says "let's only screw it ences with others in intimate and trusty fash-
exist in many European countries. Education is elsewhere." The "environmentalist" ex-VP, ions. Revolutions are now very personal and
not a state priority. without a speck of epithelium, went to interna- they should happen, in spite of the state and its
How about abortion? It is easy to see tional conventions and called for a cut in green- sorry condition, in spite of tax cuts and the
that one pack was all for complete control of house gases a quarter of that proposed by the dirty child-labor economy, in spite of the cheap-
our bodies and what we do to them by the male European countries, a seventh of that proposed er than milk gasoline. We should detach our
chauvinists that they are. In that particular by the "developing, third-world." Meanwhile, selves from these putrefying corpses and, in the
framework, it is not difficult to see that the his family's oil company is in the process of process (who knows), we might evolve to
other pack was merely using the abortion issue homogenizing a good deal of pristine South Homo sapiens.
to hide their true thoughts about others, such as American rainforest, performing genocide on

Page 6
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Pating a Dead Donky -on

By Isaac Pflaum
American history has been interpreted
-- Sist RXnLrcu ssi on s
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by many people as revealing a pattern that can

be used as a model for change in society. In its
most general interpretation this model takes the
form of a pendulum. This pendulum moves in
such a way that it creates an arc that has two
endpoints and a central point. The two end-
points are representative of extremes in
thought, One point is the conservative extreme,
on which faces people in the direction of the
future by orienting itself with the past. People
at this extreme judge the present in comparison
to their perception of the past. They peruse a
future that approaches their perception of the
past by correcting the differences between their
conceived heritage and their judgment of the
present. At their extreme, conservatives wish to
rebuild and make stronger the Americans edi-
fices of moral value, personal freedom, and
small government which they believe to have
become eroded by years of liberal influence.
The other endpoint is the liberal
extreme. At this point people are raced towards
the future by orientation with the present. They
judge the past in comparison with the present.
lltCUlslbervclive extremer . ii11s is aibs tme rauil
They evaluate the present and find the origin of Uner the rule of the Democratic party, the US of the increasing centrism of the Democratic
problems in the mistakes of the past. A liberal, engaged in a war of imperialism with Mexico, Party. The Democratic Party in recent years has
like a conservative, is a sort of engineer. The taking all of the South West. slipped right on the spectrum so that it now
former specializes in additions and remodeling, Consolidation of the parties within the overlaps the conservative side. And lacks a
while the latter is best at reconstruction. These Liberal space made possible a centrist compro- voice at the extreme. This slip began when the
two extremes allow America to change, while at mise on the slavery issue. The Kansas-Nebraska party moved away from the offensive nature of
the same time always remaining the same. Act and the Fugitive Slave Laws represent the liberal extreme and began to focus of pro-
These broad strokes when applied to assertions of the power of voters within the lib- tecting their victories of the past from conserva-
specific facets of society become very complex eral space. Progressives were unable to destroy tive rollbacks. The fear that Bush may attack
and far more controversial. For the purposes of slavery and the economic system it supports abortion rights and social security drove many
this article, only the political manifestation of they hindered the further expansion of slavery. voters from the left of the liberal space towards
this model is discussed. When this model is When liberal voters became consolidated in the center, and the Democratic Party. There are
applied to politics the endpoints become the their support of the Republican Party in the late many people who would have voted for the
ideological equivalents. Political parties fill the 1850's they prevoked a reaction which shifted Green Party had they not let their fear over-
space between the central point and each end- the Democratic Party towards the conservative shadow their hope for the future. Those that
point. For the past 60 years, the Republican extreme. As a result the center point which sep- stayed at the liberal extreme could not voice
Party has dominated the space between the arates the opposing spaces shifted to the right. their opinions with the Democratic party. Their
middle and the conservative extreme. The Voters at the middle became liberal in compari- votes for third parties, especially for the Green
Democratic Party has dominated the other son to the Democratic Party, which was domi- Party, are blamed by many people for Bush's
space. Other parties, while they do have influ- nated by the extreme . Those voters, when victory.
ence on the political arena (as is shown by the deprived of the Democratic Party became Both the Senate and the House were
"Nader Effect"), lack the power to consistently Republicans. The election of Lincoln in 1860 split down the middle between Replicans and
effect policy. This spectrum can be translated was the culmination of the progressive pull of Democrats. In this state they are likely to
into popular support because the presence of a voters who moved to the left of the middle in remain in gridlock at the middle. They will not
political party is tied elections. This popular response to Democratic extremism. participate in the radical shift the executive and
support spectrum generally begins at one Today the parties seem so alike. They possibly the judicial branches have begun to.
extreme with very few people, grows as it both take hundreds of millions of dollars from The executive branch will be the most power-
approaches the middle and then dwindles as it corporations to finance campaigns. They both full branch of government for the next four
approaches the other extreme. The number of support globalization, the war on drugs, larger years, just as it was during the Lincoln and FDR
voters at each point of the spectrum pull the military, and the continued use of fossil fuels. years. With the exeutive branch pulling the pen-
political pendulum towards them. In a democ- When Bush was elected he did not stay dulum far to the right, its momentum on the
racy, which decides elections based upon sim- in the middle, he was pulled towards the con- swing back will carry it far to the other exteme.
ple majority, the pendulum is more affected by servative extreme. This is vividly shown in the So if you voted for Nader, don't worry. It's not
the voters on the side that wins even when they selections he made for his cabinet. The reason your fault, and, if history continues to repeat
outnumber the opposition by only a few votes. for this is an even distribution of voters along itself, things might just turn out for the best
When voter crowd at the middle the pendulum the Republican space and a Republican voice at after all.
is kept close to the middle whichever way
is swings. When voters move towards the
extremes they pull the pendulum father
from the middle if it swings their way.
Amerian history reveals general
pattern for progressive, or liberal change.
In the 1840's and 50's the issue of slavery
and states rights became inflamed by pro-
gressive anti-slavery movements, such as
the underground railroad. Changes from a
rural to industrial economy in the north
was also progressive at that time. The con-
servative extreme of the spectrum at that
time had a voice in the Democratic party.
This party was opposed by many parties
By F L. Livingston
Ame~rican Ki~ng
Rm• -- :7, . . .
N- . . . . . r:i

3PEN HOUSE "We hold these truths to be self-evident,

that all men are created equal"
The American Declarationof Independence

ha! i .,
"...with liberty and justice for all."
The (US) Pledge of Allegiance

wed. 14th Our country has not always lived up

to these values. (Yes, I agree that's an under-
statement.) But over the years, several social
and political leaders have tried to move us
closer to these goal- And none more so than
the famous Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
I see King as a hero on three levels.
He was, of course, a great black leader, fight- 11in me••ILIUIln zUUU. 1-LLa LILatL jesse JdlK.oUI., -Al
ing for the rights of his people. And he was Sharpton and other black leaders used the
also, a great Christian minister, adapting non- day, partly, as a springboard for "the week of
violent techniques to his cause, never veering moral outrage," including Inauguration Day
from his faith's teaching of "Turn the other demonstrations regarding the voting issue. I
cheek." But, too -- and here's the point where say this not only because the plaintiffs are
I often get an argument -- he was a great largely African-American, but also because
American hero, propelling us to be more of this is about that basic American right to
what we, as Americans, are supposed to be. vote. It's a matter of ensuring that we actually
One reason that I get an argument enjoy a nation controlled by "the consent of
here is that, while King is revered by many the governed" -- all of "the governed," not just
Americans, black or not, he was never members of one or two races.
revered by all the white Americans. "Of (I'm hoping that the timing of the
course, he wanted to help the blacks win plan to reveal Jackson's marital infidelity in
their rights," I've heard some of his detractors print was pure coincidence. I would hate to
say, "but he upset a lot of whites, especially in think that it was scheduled for publication so
the South. They were used to a certain way of close to the protests in an effort to discredit
life, and he disrupted it!" the minister and/or the movement.)
Oh well. Unfortunately, President George W. Bush
And in the late '6os/early 70s, there may have entered office without the people's
were some African-Americans who com- "full consent." Not just because all the votes
plained that King didn't do enough. "He got weren't counted, but also because many
sweeping legislation passed, but he couldn't blacks votes may not have been allowed, at
change attitudes," lamented one of my black all. In fact, Sharpton called the inauguration
professors in college. "the greatest untruth in American history."
Frustrating? No doubt. Changing (McCarthy, Sheryl, "Protesters Find DC Is A-
attitudes takes a much longer time than get- Changin'," Newsday. Vol. 61 No. 141 p. A 25.)
ting a law passed. Marches and sit-ins alone As for George W., he spoke of "jus-
don't do it, though they can help. (See below.) tice," "unity," "equality," and "community" in
It takes education, I expect, at home, at his Inaugural address. But he failed to
school, and in the media. acknowledge the allegedly disenfranchised
But if it hadn't been for King and his voters or to explain how he would reach out
followers, a lot of the old racist attitudes to them (or to the other protest groups that
would still translate into practice (racially came to Washington, those focusing on gay
segregated rest rooms, etc.). Today, most of rights, abortion rights, the death penalty, the
them don't make this transference, and if they abandoned recount, etc.).
do, there's legal redress. Yes, today, we do have that "legal
Another reason that some people redress" that I mentioned earlier. More specif-
seem to resist the "universality" of King is, I ically, the Voting Rights Act of 1965. And it
think, a result of the same kind of racism that seems to be working, for the State
he abhorred. They see the color of his skin as Department is closely scrutinizing these
limiting. I have known non-blacks that charges.
admire him tremendously but still argue," But then there's the "attitude" issue
He was wonderful for black Americans, but again. It's horrifying to think that anyone
what has he got to do with anybody else?" today would even consider discriminating
(And this despite the fact that his birthday is against voters on the basis of race (or gender,
now a national holiday and that a national or disability, etc.), that they would even toy
monument may soon be built in his honor.) with the idea that this might be "okay." The
Even cme Af rira'n-Anmeriransc ohicrf protesters wanted to call attention to the
to the "universalizing" of Dr. King. "He's not (possible) resurgence of this bigoted mentali-
everybody's hero! He's ours!" such blacks ty and try to stem the spread of its poison.
insist. Because we cannot assume that "all
Sorry, but he has got a lot to do with is cool" and equal now and just relax.
"everybody else." And while he's a figure of Because we must keep finding ways to work
black American pride, his legacy does not toward a culture where people are judged
belong to the black race, alone. For, like it or truly by "the content of their character" and
not, Martin Luther King served as the con- not by "the color of their skin" or any other
science of this country, refusing to ignore superficial trait. And because there's one
racism, demanding that we shun hypocrisy, more quote that should continue to inspire
and pushing us, however peacefully, to real- our nation to greater heights of humanity:
ize our alleged ideals as a nation.
So it makes sense that many impor- "I have a dream"
tant figures drew on "King's Day" (January Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
15) for inspiration to speak out against the
by Gregory Knopp
Don't CTivpe u 1 (vou
r noints)
first year, acknowledging portionately yet rapidly, they would just lose
fact that it was mandato- huge sums at the end of the semester. Now if a
for all freshmen. During student has $400 dollars left in the last few
m selection I came upon days of school, he might be outraged enough to
interesting fact that all the do something about loosing that much. But the
Idings I would actually quiet and gradual stealing, plus the availability
lsider living in were, as it to buy Coca-Cola spring water in bulk, thus
d, 'non-cooking', hence saving 10% will keep that same student calm
eal plan mandatory'. It is and content. Tranquility on campus is impor-
his point that I realized tant, but I'm definitely not in favor of this par-
t I was fucked, and ticular sedation method.
willingly complied. Now Now maybe this didn't occur to every-
t I am older and a sopho- body, but this our money. Making it mandatory
re I accept the fact that I that most students who live on campus have to
1be spending plastic eat campus food is a crime in itself. But once
ney on stomach cancer for your brain numbs, and your stomach makes
remaining years at USB. the proper adjustments this food can be tolerat-
While waiting on line ed. What I'm having even more of a problem
Kelly Cafeteria and trying with, is that if by the end of the semester I
ignore Sisqo on the TV don't spend all of my so called 'points', they
)nitors, I noticed yet are just gonna take them away. This isn't a
other poster plastered up. board game. I'll be forfeiting my money? I lost
iis sign, that is now in my my chance to spend them? I mean, what the
>ssession, is entitled fuck?! I don't see any reasonwhy this money
udgeting Chart' and its shouldn't transfer over or be refunded, except
pposed to inform students for the fact that the school can get away with
their 'maximum target just taking it. The administration's opinion of
lance for Resident Points.' the student's must be getting progressively
ow I'm all for setting stan- lower and lower. Every year they think that
trds, but this seems a bit they could get away with more and more bull-
it of hand. I mean, calling shit, and they seem to be right. I'll be damned
e money spent on the if I spent my five customary years eating this
andatory meal plan garbage and paying for what I couldn't eat.
oints', making it sound "Remember: YOU CAN ALWAYS
:e a privileged reward is SPEND AHEAD!". These people are fucking
.t setting 'spending goals' mocking us! "Spend your points. Don't forfeit
LIX . L• C. VCk. U4.. f...•.
rA... 4-.TA.a "4-L4-r 4rrC.: Cf'i.vvvx them!" "Don't Forfeit Your Points!" "Buying the
L. I 1. %JIL
, IXI. ! A ý.. 4 V.
i I. , .,L..A. a1 .,:At LUiiLU" L .. i Uont wantt LU lItL I m
the follow in.: s:: yeo:A livig
il thislrob~ pointsjust .ecame. my favorite expression Case, Saves You 10%" "Last Day to Spend is
you are requiri i; '•• eon one of the Resident uttered by the USB masses, taking the lead Fri., Dec. 22nd". These signs are everywhere. I
Meal Plans. Please contact the ID/Meal Plan from 'I'm a Comp-Sci Major'. walk through the designated feeding stations,
office to complete the "Dining Agreement".' The 'Budgeting Chart' gives us a and see people with their degenerate smiles
This applies not only to those fortunate enough biweekly breakdown on how much we should carrying boxes of goodies to the register. I
to live in my room, but to everyone living in have spent. Even though taking away our think about trying to stop them, but decide
Kelly Quad as well as most other buildings on excess money seems unfair and fucked up at against it. I look around and realize that I am
campus. first glance, closer reflection shows the true Fucked. The only thing that I do is steal these
When I was a freshman, I reasoned that reasoning behind it. If the students were not fucking signs and give innocent customers
I would get off the meal plan once I completed given an incentive to spend their money pro- dirty looks...

Je d thed
A hJ mhem,"3 saj unto Thee, Come unto
diTd say unto
ae ou here befre me
Mbshaflt Iwe fonever mey ce
1:b s
a•+v-»» " bei £';J m :74
kiv .- «J=•
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t tis
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fai.:" ten added,
mice ten "oa " ". . ..

wed-saat Opiii
*poetry,world.•..sioC, jazz calaret, be.r & the son of god
- ---
Page 9
Chantal VolcytoBr
By Chantal
By Volcy C^ J
This spring semester, textbook publishers every year. Teachers and textbook writers often prices. You can see them standing looking at the
are trying to make Stony Brook students go have no substantial changes to make in the book, post boards by the bathroom trying to snap the
"Stony Broke" after buying their textbooks. This he says. In these cases, he continues, they add number first for the book they need. Some selfish-
January 24, the first day of school, an upset stu- more examples, new homework exercises and so ly steal the whole post notes so no one else will
dent was fuming outside of the University on, but in principle it is the same old book. call for the book. It is a real jungle out there!
Bookstore, "How on earth does a book cost a hun- Karen and Olesya, freshmen at Stony Evefon feels that some books are just useless.
dred-four dollar and 20 cents? Does it come with Brook, say that they do not need to buy a certain "I depend heavily on class notes. I guess
extra-cheese?" textbook because their teacher is taking care of it. it depends on the subject of the class. I would
In fact, publishers have been biggie-siz- They say that he is going to put up their home- imagine that for history, a student needs the book.
ing books for years now. They add shrinks, CD- work and selection of notes in the web so that his But, even though, I seldom look into the book and
ROM and study guides, and transform an old students can access them. This is not the first time when I do, it is only through small sections for
textbook into a new product. It just keeps going that a teacher has shown solidarity with students. homework. I rely more on what the teacher says
from bad to worse. I asked a few students their Many teachers that I have, allowed me to use an in the classroom."
impressions about this situation. Each student I older edition of the text instead of the new copy. Olesyala lanovitch and Barbara
interviewed had a different and surprising The only minor inconvenience was the page num- Affertsholt, two juniors, think that the students
approach to getting books at better prices. Their bers. But sometimes teachers even bother looking should boycott the bookstore by selling back their
tactics for book acquisition are amazing; where for corresponding pages from one edition to used books to other students exclusively. As a
their minds wander to find a solution was another. result, from the fall semester to the spring semes-
unthinkable to me before I talked to them. At this "Pages 69 to 86 in the ninth edition, ter the bookstore would not be able to buy back
rate textbooks publishers will have to revise their pages 75 through 92 in the tenth edition!" they any used books. Others like Winn Htay, also a
policy or they are the ones who are going to pay would shout in front of the class; and without any junior, from Burma, thinks that students should
it at a high price. surprise students will turn the pages of the book turn to the international market. According to
W.W. Norton and company are one of the and find the same text, word for word, in the old Winn, globalization is going to solve our book
good guys (they edit their textbook every ten edition and the new edition. problems. Books are manufactured all over the
years or so). Their statistic books by David Publishers don't hate students; they just world and shiped to the US. Pretty soon students
Freedman and Robert Pisani have been reedited love money. Making new editions from time to should be able to get them through the Internet
three times in twenty years. They are serious time is a business strategy. They make new edi- and have them shipped to the US.
publishers who wait until there are real changes tions of books so that they can keep making more "There is also a black market out there,"
to make before they put out a new edition, says and more profit from the sale of the books. Winn added..
Professor Andrea Tyree, a statistics teacher at Bookstores are getting new books at higher prices Many schools such as Long Island
Stony Brook. Publishers have argued that the instead of getting more copies of the old version University's Brooklyn campus and Morrisville
world of information is moving fast and that this of the books. Textbooks are not in the open mar- College have programs that help students buy
is why they their books have to be upgraded all ket for them to be evaluated by the general pub- books. At Long Island University's Brooklyn cam-
the time. Statistics is a rapidly expanding field lic. They are specifically design for classrooms. pus, students can obtain a voucher credited to
nowadays but W.W. Norton and company only Thus, students are captive buyers who are sub- their financial aid returns. Morrisville College stu-
reviewed three times between 1978 to 1998. One jected to buy these books. Other trademark dents can buy their books and pay thirty dollars a
could argue that textbooks can not contain all the books, such as Great Expectations by Charles month. However, Stony Brook students are on
information out there; that they are meant to Dickens, are less expensive because there are their own when it comes to buying books. In
teach the basic principle of a field, which doesn't other buyers, other than students interested in addition Stony Brook University Bookstore does
change over night. these types of books. This also goes for many not even bother to compete with Stony Books
Allyn and Bacon are one of these pub- humanities textbooks.
store across the railroad. They join in the efforts of
lishers who review their books as often as they I explained this to some students and
book publishers in order to make students have a
can. Allyn and Bacon printed eight editions of asked them if they thought this situation was
hard-knock- life. The University Book Store
Self and Society: Symbolic Interactions by John P. hopeless? A few students like Evefon, a sopho-
needs to offer better prices to students to avoid a
Hewitt in the same twenty years. A teacher, that more, are used-book post-notes hunters. They
asked not to be cited, confessed that a publishing look through all the mumbo jumbo numbers post- revolt, and bsook publishers must stop this waste
company required that he reviewed his book ed for books in an effort to get them at better of paper and save the trees!
.... ~ a
-- -I--·--- --- -- I

Why Mpntal Tilnss - A Five

J T" cvri*l Ar 1l ci
By Dr. John Pflaum Ph. D.

Most of the thoughts, feelings, and

behaviors we label as indicative of mental ill-
ness are reactions to the frustration of the five
basic psychological needs: Basic need #1 ... the
need to feel "at home" in one's surroundings, to
feel good and to feel that one is good. Basic
need # 2.. the need to be recognized as good at
doing something. Basic need #3 ... the need to
have some say about one's own life. Basic need
#4 ... the need for adventure, excitement, risk,
and Basic need #5 ... the need to belong.
Dissatisfaction of the five basic psycho-
logical needs is built into our lives in order to
motivate us to work and buy. Only the dissatis-
fied are good customers, good workers, and
attentive audiences. Our role, apparently, is to
be the docile worker, the willing customer, the
receptive audience.
But being treated as a means to the
ends of the Mediocracy (the world wide mass
market economy) is frustrating our basic psy-
chological needs. People get nasty, greedy,
bossy, and spacey when their basic needs are
thwarted. You can get nasty to yourself. You
can get nasty to others. You can be greedy and
bossy if you demand too much from yourself
or if you demand too much from others. So
craziness can turn inward as well as outward.
The people we label as mentally ill are
victims who in turn victimize. They are the
ones who can't stomach, can't assimilate, can't
take the deprivation which accompanies being
an alienated nobody, a highly replaceable,
expendable employee and customer, just one of
the viewers.
Some can't take the pressure because of
a malfunctioning inhibastat, others because of a
dysfunctional family, but all of us have a break-
ing point, and many of us have gone far
beyond that breaking point and turned nasty,
greedy, bossy, and spacey.
We live in a mass market, media
mediocracy with subsists on mass production
and mass consumption. Mass misery is the
inevitable consequence. In a media mediocracy
those who are different become the enemy, the
focus of frustraton. Worship is directed up to
the celebrity stars or their equivalents.
work, government). function) is disrupted, malfunctioning. The
Everyone wants a slice of the celebrity to feed
The media and other agents of the symptoms of psychological distress take over.
their hunger to be someone.
Mediocracy (world wide mass market econom- Sickness, crime, the fanatics take over. We are
Maniacal mediocracy on the march, led
ic system) engender chronic frustration (dissat- all in trouble.
by the celebrities, going on before: the un-
isfaction) of the five basic psychological needs IN SUMMARY: The basic psychological
assimilated hated and hating in return. Nasty
in order to get us to work and buy. Again, only needs exploited by the system of mass-market-
consumer greed, bossy little dictators:
the dissatisfied are good producers and con- economy (the mediocracy) in order to get us to
Assimilate! to the world mass market economy
sumers. work and buy are: (1) the basic need to do
or you are enemy. Ordinary people, desperate
The substantial benefits provided by what is considered to be "right", to conform, to
not to be ordinary, exaggerate the ordinary as
the world wide mass market economic system do what is appropriate, proper, and correct; to
their way of rebelling against the ordinary .
(the mediocracy) are a the cost, the expense of be comfortable, "at home" in our surroundings;
Insanity in action is only the tip of the
taking causalities in terms of crime, illness, (2) the basic need to be recognized as good at
iceberg with untold self-inflicted misery under
accident, and psychological distress. The walk- doing something, to be acknowledged for our
the surface. The inhibastat is out of whack.
ing wounded, the psychologically crippled, achievements, competence, abilities; (3) the
Assuming that behavior is a function of
they pay the price that sustains the system. basic need to have a choice, some control, some
the environment (past and present), and that
Economics, the equivalent to war, eco- say over our own lives, to be in the driver's
behavior includes how we feel, think and act;
nomics which is warfare by other means, the seat, to do "our own thing".. (4)..the basic '
and that by the environment we mean circum-
economics of mass production and mass con- need for adventure, thrills, excitement, to take
stances, situations, conditions and surround-
sumption, victimizes the few to benefit the a chance, risk, win, lose; (5)the basic need to be
ings (past and present): Then we will observe
many. In this our Age of Assimilation, we are liked by those who we wish to be like, affilia-
that the overriding environment, the one most
all expendable, replaceable, and would-be sac- tion, gregariousness, to be part of the "gang".
of us have in common, is the Mediocracy (the
rificial victims. Moderate frustration of the basic needs
world wide mass market economic system).
Chronic frustration of the many leads motivates us to work and buy. But too much
Massive populations can be sustained
to acute frustration of the few. When the few dissatisfaction is disruptive. Where do we
and maintained -only- by massive production
become the many there is mutiny in the ranks. stand today and in which direction are we
and massive consumption. Mass production
Extreme thoughts, exaggerated feelings, impul- going? Where do you stand today and in which
and consumption, necessary to sustain massive
sive behaviors become the rule rather than the direction are you going?
populations, are promoted by mass media and
Pagel 1
_ __ __ I C__ __~ II ___
II CZc Vc1i Vlrn'1) T-TI-I7Q Trl
By Glenn Given

Under the cover of darkness known as

the intercession, Shirley Strum Kenny released
her State of the University Address. Never hav-
ing read one of thesebefore, I was astounded
to find it chock full of multisyllabic words like
"ebullient," "interdisciplinarily," and "dilapi-
Yes, that's right folks; Shirley owns a
In fact she forays deep into the heart of
"Big-Wordology-Land" in a thinly veiled
attempt to disguise the fact that this university
is in the shits. Amid all this literary Hokum,
Flim-Flam, Smoke AND Mirrors, Shirley takes
special time out to metaphorically stroke our
metaphorical cocks as she "do[es] a little brag-
ging about our Division I teams."
"Division I teams," you ask?
Yes, poor downtrodden students of
Stony Brook we have Division I teams right
here at our little college. And they suck.
But it's not like this Address was ever
intended for students anyway. Infact, it reads
much more like a stock-holders brief than any
overview of our school and the atrocities that
are being perpetrated upon it.
Kenny, over the course of the ten pages
that the Address entails, floods us with statistic
after statistic that seem vaguely similar to what
her fellow Texan George W. Bush often referred
to as fuzzy math. Sprinkled with artist render-
ings of far off "improvements" to the campus,
a self portrait that I could have sworn was
Boris Karloff from The Mummy, and a handful
of publicity shots of the campus and its stu-
dents presenting an Utopian wonderland (an
image that runs counter to any of the attending
students experiences). it is still neat to know that 6% of our grad stu- American, 4% African-American and 2%
And then there are the charts. dents are from the "Unknown" ethnic catagory. Hispanic or Latino.
Elegantly lining each page of propa- I prefer to think of them as Venusians. Does that seem a little fucked up to
ganda is Chart upon Chart upon Bar Graph, I hate Venusians and as such implore anyone else?
Pie Graph and Line Graph, twenty-nine in all. all of you to punch 6 out of every 100 grad stu- What the State of the University says is
Five charts (4 bar graphs and one lone- dents you see in their filthy Venusian necks. less important than that which it has stratigi-
ly pie chart) concerning money distribution Oh we also learn that their are more cally ommitted.
across campus. Here's the gist of them. We're "Undecided" Freshman than all other majors Absent is any mention of the increase
getting less money from the rich white people combined ( or so it appears to my casual we have experienced in on-campus crimes;
who run the state, more money from rich white glance; I was just eyeing the chart). especially in sexual assault and rape.
people who are prone to throwing gobs of cash Now these last set of charts are pure Missing is any explanation of the four
at the first sweet talking. Texan to cross their statistical gold. First off we get to see that year-only policy enacted for campus residents.
paths and the overwhelming majority of this Psychology is the single largest undergraduate Perhaps Shirley filled that with the memo on
money is being funneled into Biomedical areas. major on campus, blowing it's closest competi- our steady tuition and fee increases. She
Six (count 'em Six!) Bar Graphs detail- tor (Computer Science) away by 25%. It's inter- stacked it right next to the file on how the
ing President Kenny challanging a contrever- esting to note that Psych (remember the top Technology fee has been used to limit our acces
sial decision to continue to support Research, dog of undergrad majors) recieves the 2nd low- to the internet.
Technology, Academics, Facilities and Campus est amount of research funding (less actually No mention is made of the negative
Initiatives. than that because it shares this funding with aspects of the campus, increasing corporatiza-
What are Campus Initiatives? Well, the other Social and Behavioral Sciences). tion of our campus, or of how we have squan-
they're things like Academics, Research, Additionally, we are graced with dered millions on our Division I teams while
Facilities, Technology, Advancement, Athletics another chart showing our increase in Full- all evidence shows that Division I schools lose
and Student Services. Quick, guess which one Time Faculty (87 new Faculty since fall '97). money because of their teams rather than turn-
has the least support from the President?!? Note that any indication of the number of full- ing a profit off of them.
Give that man a Scooby Snack! That's time faculty that we have lost is absent from Considering these "oversights" it's
right, it's Student Services. How kind of our these pages. funny that Shirl even touched on the refurbish-
President to provide us with such a useful Comparing this with the increase in ments being done on the Sunwood Estate (a
visual aid to clearly spell out for us how little enrolled students over the same span of time campus owned mansion that was burned to the
she gives a shit. (up apox. 3,500) we find that our student- ground). Of course she neglected to mention
There's also six squiggly line graphs teacher ratio has worsened (avg. 14:1 to 15:1). that the rebuilt estate will not be used for
that provide us with vague aproximations of So what's the big deal about 1 more school purposes. Instead it will be her stable..I
the past enrollment trends. Here's another big student in every class? I think about my War mean house.
suprise for everybody. We're accepting more and Memory film class (which began over So thanks for shutting up about the
and more students. Huzzah! Ring the church booked and placed in a room whose maximum important things, Shirl. You're pretty charts
bells! Oh Joyous Day! More students pouring fire occupancy was less than the number of stu- have given all of us tons of intangible worth-
in to find no housing, a worsening student to dents enrolled in the class) and the ten people less information. You suck. And when you
teacher ratio, higher tuitions and fees and less who just signed into it. move into Sunwood, I will at last know which
financial aid! To top the whole she-bang off, accord- house to throw my own feces at.
Then we reached my favorite part of ing to a big purple pie, 83% of the full-time fac-
the address - those sultry, sexy pie
_ _ ~ _____ __

ina i-
By Christopher Gennari

li9c ^

you ala get a L-, just tnrow it in tne bag ana wiii not write sense to me, but was gobbly-gook to the profes-
mosey off to the SAC. well under pressure. You will not have time to sor. To avoid this problem let someone else read
Well, I've come not to berate you but to edit, rewrite or ask opinions. This is one of the the paper. The Writing Center in the
help you. I don't have all the answers but I can, easiest ways to hamper yourself and lower your Humanities building exists to help you write
in this small way, try to make you better writers grade. A better plan would be to write it in parts. better papers. Use it. If you can, write it early
and maybe better students. The first problem is Writing five one page pieces is far easier than and ask your professor or TA to look at it. No
writing a paper is not easy. It takes work. I have writing a full five pages at one time. This will one in my last two classes asked me to read
a Zits comic taped to my computer which has the make you more efficient from a time manage- their papers. I'm sure most waited to the last
main character sitting at his desk at eleven p.m., ment point of view but may hurt you paper's minute to write their papers.
an essay due the next day, holding a dictionary consistency. That's why it is essential to use the Rule #7: Reread, Rewrite, Edit, Reread Again.
saying to himself "All the words I need are right next rule. More than likely your first draft is going
here. All I have to do is put them in the right Rule #5: Make an Outline. to be, well, crap. That's ok. Reread what you
order." AVOID THIS! I was in college, I'm still a An outline is the skeleton of your ideas wrote, show it to someone (the Writing Center,
student. I went/go to parties, hang with the and arguments. Your outline should show a pro- your TA, your Professor) and ask their opinions.
buds, drink the suds, and discuss more hockey gression of thoughts, reasons and evidence. Write down what they say. Don't take the criti-
than Hegel. My writing is never perfect and I've Think of yourself as a lawyer making a case. cism personally. Editing is all part of the process.
written my fair share of papers that must have First you need to discuss what you will be argu- Then do it again. Yeah, I know. Who has time for
made professors reach for the smelling salts. But ing (ie. An Intoduction). Do not restate the ques- all of this? We all have things to do. But if you
no one ever sat me down and said "Look:Do A, B, tion in the introduction, the teacher knows what want to write the best paper you can this is a nec-
and C and then 1, 2 and 3, and everything will be the question is, instead express your answer. essary part. Edit in parts. Hemingway wrote
fine." You'll never be perfect. In one graduate Example- some of the best books, with the tightest prose, in
class a professor (a scholar of some 25 years and the 2 0t h Century. But he edited and rewrote and
one of the premier people in his field) showed us Question: What was the most important result of edited and rewrote single sentences as many as
an article he submitted to a national journal. It World War II 30 times.
looked like the editor's pen had exploded and Rule #8: Do or Do Not, There is No Try.
leaked all over the pages. Answer: The division of the world between the Remember, practice makes better. The
So RULE #1 is Don't Worry. You will Soviet Union and the United States. more you do the better you'll be. The more orga-
not be perfect. So before you begin research or nized you are at the start (with research and in an
sitting down at a Sine Site computer remember to Make a statement. Don't be shy. Throw outline) the less editing you'll have to do later.
relax. Don't fret over ever little comma or every your opinion out there. Commit to an answer Have some guts when you write. Take hold of an
little colon (unless you're over the age of 45 and and argue it. Even if the professor thinks you're idea, opinion, theory and follow it through with
have a family history). Write the best you can. wrong you will get points for having the guts to passion. Try to be original. Don't write the same
Practice will make you better. commit to something. The rest of your paper thing that everyone else writes. A novel idea
Rule #2: Understand the Question!! must reinforce the points you make in your intro- takes some thinking but its not impossible.
Make sure you know what question you duction. Paragraph (or chapters) are just the evi-
are answering. Several students of mine wrote dence you are presenting to support your intro- I hope this all helps. This is not a com-
papers which either answered a completely dif- duction. Your conclusion is just a rehashing of plete list of things to do. It is, in and of itself,
ferent question or didn't answer anything at all. the introduction, bringing the point home. The only a bare bones fluff piece for a school newspa-
Ask your professor or your TA, that's what outline will show you immediately if your paper per. But it is also a public service announcement.
they're there for. Don't annoy them, but ask is going to make sense. Plus it lets you keep your Stop your teachers from saying bad things about
them for constructive advice and make sure you argument straight. you in the smoking lounge and give this a try.
know what the question is asking. Rule #6: Use English Unless You Don't Have To. What do you have to lose?
Rule #3: Use the Library Ha ha, you say. I speak English, I write Avoid the easy road. It is safe and bor-
I've known seniors who have never set in English. I know English. This doesn't apply ing and its just like everyone else. Don't be a
foot inside the library with any other intention to me. BUZZ!!! WRONG, TRY AGAIN! You sheep! You did not come to university to rewrite
than checking their email. The library has books, would not believe how many students could not textbook pages. Don't be George W. Sure, he's
the books have lots of words. But don't panic! find a correct sentence with a flashlight, a gram- the President but he's just a tool of shadow pup-
Those words make sentences, sentences form mar book, and a pack of bloodhounds. Know petmasters and Dick Cheney. Use your head.
ideas. Those ideas will help you. Think your the basic rules of English, have a subject and a Kick some Ass. Give 'em the whole nine yards.
topic is too mundane, arcane or just plain stupid verb, try to use commas and periods correctly. Quote Yoda. Watch Buffy. Reject the values of
to never have been written about. THINK Use paragraphs. your father. Eat at Joe's. Get a bigger boat.
AGAIN! There are books about stuff so specific Now, you know what you want to say. Refuse to hang a Monet poster. Remember: There
it will blow your hair back to try to pronounce I've written many a paper that made perfect is no Spoon.
Greatest Super
Moves of All
Thp "Ricr RBang"
-......(.R -AR (God)

"FlTinrBlltt Plier" (PRn

an &ltimpy)___________
"Ta tsu-Maki-Sen-Pu-Kyaku"
(Street Fighter 92)

The "2nd Plague of

Egypt; Frogs" (God)

The "Smoke-a-Cigarette-at-
a-Gas-Station" (Isnac Pflaunm)

"Yoga Flame" (Super Street

Firhter Alpha 2 Tnrbo Gold)
L./ A

The "Get Elected 43rd

President of the ITS" (Bullsbh)
The "Jen Pisca-poke".
(T•rno Michaels Fighter 2)

The "Ma2ndible Claw" (WWF)

The "THindred-T Hand larp"

(Your Boyfriend) _______
Alice In Chains:
Live (Columbia

L LCIa LOb. %/IL LtUI "jUUal Las CikdlUlL,

Gehenna Murder (Moonfog)
the most impor- This
tant bands of the Jedi Mind Tricks: Violent By Design record is getting
1990's who just happen to hail from Seattle. (Superegular Recordings) a review for two
Like fellow hometown heroes Nirvana and "I leave the blood spilling in the reasons. First, if
Pearl Jam, most rock n' roll bands of the streets." So you look close
mid to late 1990's owe something to AIC. states the Killah enough at the
Everyone from Creed to Bush to Godsmack Priest sample cover, it's a
to Whoeverthefuckselse wears the Alice in that opens chance to once
Chains influence like an old flannel. And "Retaliation," the again print that
-- j--
F -. . ...
why shouldn't they? The 1992 Dirt full first track on Jedi overused execution graphic that The
length is arguably one of the most complete Mind Tricks Press is so fond of running. Second, this
records of the decade. Their ability to strip sophomore LP. thing will peel paint and rip your fuck-
down their sound and still kick your ass NoT na, ri n
ing face off.
was evident on both EP releases, Jar of Flies here. Hip-hop is definitely in need of some The Norwegian natives in Gehenna
and Sap. The band eventually fell victim to blood spilling. Good rap records are really have honed their songwriting skills over
drug-induced hype and seemingly self- rare these days (even in the underground) the past decade and become one of the
destructed sometime around 1996 (after and these Jedi Knight MC's are out to most powerful black/death metal bands in
releasing their most mediocre work, a self change that. They're mission is to make existence. Also adding an '80s thrash
titled full length). some noise and establish themselves along- metal influence with this record, (Kreator
So obviously there isn't much more side other Philly-based crews like the leg- is a good point of reference) these sick
for Columbia Records to do but gather endary Roots. fucks are simply unstoppable.
every fucking AIC song they can get their And to their credit these guys serve After a unique collage of samples
hands on, and release them in the form of up some of the eeriest rap tracks this side of discussing psychosis, the record kicks off
boxed sets, best-of packages and live the Gravediggaz debut. "Heavenly with the dirgy title track. A slow, plod-
albums. But there's just one catch. Verylit- Divine" and "I against I" are two of the ding guitar riff gives way to a massive
tle of what Alice in Chains leftbehind (save sharpest beats I've heard put to record. guitar lead recalling "Reign in Blood"-era
for the final work and early glamrock Throw ithe prerequisite list of guest Slayer. Thing is, this is the most basic
material) canbe called throwaways. Live appearances (Bahamadia, Mr. Lif, L-Fudge, track on the record (tempo-wise). The
hammers that point home again and again. J-Treds and Tragedy Khadafi to name a moment they hit the first note of "Worthy
Thisrecord clearly showsthat the few) for good measure. Exit" it's time to get your hands on some
chemistry the band had in the studio set- The only area these guys might stimulants as Gehenna blasts into warp
ting also carred over into a live atmos- wanna do some serious work on is in their speed. And they don't stop. Not until
phere. Their entire legacy is represented lyrical delivery. While they definitely keep they're sure they've thrown you around
nicely here with early material such as it interesting most of the time, there are too the room a bit, and maybe kicked you in
"Bleed the Freak" held up right next to late- many instances of unfocused and discon- the face for good measure. See, they hate
period tracks like "Again." Performance nected wordplay. However, I think this is you.
dates range from early 1990 to mid-1996 really due more to inexperience than lack of This band has reached an utopia in
(their estimated time of demise). ability of potential. Their voices scream of their songwriting where black and death
I'm really having trouble finding hunger, but lack a necessary focus at times. metal are fully represented, with none of
anything else to say about this. It's really Otherwise Violent By Design is well the ridiculous cliches of either genre
simple. If you want to hear live perfor- rounded serving of beats, rhymes and life weighing down the material.
mances of some of the best rock songs of that should appeal to the most hardened Thought you were indestructible?
the last ten years, then go hunt down this thug, as well as backpacking underground Check out Murder. You'll think twice. I'm
puppy right now. The band isn't getting heads. Give it a spin. telling you, this is the shit.
back together anytime soon (unless their
Pagel 5
How th Puzze Pieces of Peant Btter
By Jaklyn Yehrty and Peeing Fit
By Jacklyn Yeh
. -
._"* ... .1 "•J." _. ... D . ^ .,u.
. , +IkL 1
Sometimes all I'd really like is a little rience such intimacy. erhrapps 1116b IIIll I

understanding. It's stupid 'cuz, well, most peo- children their parents strippec ind more.
ple don't even have an adequate understanding away their pieces one by one, And why
of themselves, let alone of others. Then again and have never given some of re this
who said people made any sense. Look at me. them back. Trust is lost; they ab dream?
I push people away when I need them the can only depend on them- "is my
most. I practically tell them to fuck off when selves to keep the pieces they mind strug
all I really want to do is sob torrents of tears have safe, and to make sense gling to
onto their shoulder until there's no more mois- them. ke sense of
ture left. tis is merely ay puzzle
Maybe then I wouldn't need to iew perspe4 ieces.
damned much. on how to >mehow, the pangs I get in my chest
What's driving us to be who w( Is this a waste of time? have to do with my peanut butter addiction,
are? I've realized just how much con- Pure bullshit to fill up a the adoration I have for my toys, and the fear
fusion exists inside us. We look for ge? Just the other night I I have of my boyfriend abandoning me. I
endless answers to endless questions, a had a dream. I came home woke up crying and told my sweetie what my
the answers are wrong again and again with my sweetie, and there, "bad" dream was when he asked. And as I
I'm thinking the answers to all our dif- he coat closet, sat a can of described it to him something hit home.
ferent questions connect together in •,I retand
l a choe
0lV • rack
L4%full of --- 0-o I used to get
Those oanes v as a child
U1,%1 YAa*11-iVt
Lii J&
u uurA eng.
I-%iiL Aj./,
r erilittpý Latu ILLYJ UILLCo;JL V mv
Id4 JCvA
J %old tovs.fc/ Se
VQIL%4 rfaced in the last couple of
trick is to piece the separate pieces together, peanut butter disturbed me. I have years, right around when my
instead of mulling over how oddly shaped each tion to the stuff. When I say addicti( boyfriend and I hooked up.
is. I really mean addiction. I turn to it The pain seemed so familiar,
Will we then see the answe n feeling anxious, bored, ret I couldn't quite place
After we put together this puzzle v y. When it's not around ] here I might have felt them
we finally see what it is that makes feeling jittery and debate before. Thinking about
up who we are? We usually lose her or not to buy a new Clarence got me to think of my
the box when we hit puberty, and n. I eat the shit straight dhood stuffed animals, and it
it's an effort to piece ourselves )ut, scooping it with a me how terrified I was when
L A' VIL trhPdt and chnloted while she
back together when we haven't a ifi~
nvcte .I ,,t I.. ,. V LJL

clue what we ought to look like. L it, or crackers. I experience mild chucked citizens of the world I called Animal
alone the frustration of trying to fii mptoms of withdrawal for God's Land into a dusty trash bag. The peanut but-
scattered pieces. Sometimes sortin ake. ter addiction appeared a year before I found
color helps a little; then it's trial an The toys gave me a queasy my sweetie, when I was struggling to go
. . . .. . there
from .. . . . . The
. . . . exhilaration
. ... ..... ..... . ...
of pou
- . ..
ing 'cuz a whole bunch of little kids from a wasted 801bs to something the doctors
together two pieces of practically the same were running around in my house, and I just and my family would find more substantial.
PonArtii hnifl-Pr wasq thp fa"ctept wav; and so
color totally at random is amazing. But those KIllC•W OUV LlCUlC• .U.I, LllIIlll LllAlC 3u

two pieces fitted so perfectly together only take it home with them if they saw me eat my mother could
shows a tiny view of the whole. wish. When I was a child my er a radiant smile on her other-
And then there is the predicament of toys were my most prized pos- rise ashen face. The doctors nod-
being with someone. What is more perfect session. If you had read my last ded in approval as my weight
than two fragmented puzzles drawn together article about Clarence, you'd knoi went up steadily.
by mutual attraction? Thing is, mutu I gave personality I, however, slipped deeper
attraction comes with compromise ,cious. The mere nd deeper in despair as I felt
and mutual intimacy. And then you ught of my mothe nyself lose the control I had
can misplace the pieces of your own hrowing them ou worked so hard to gain in the
puzzle with your lover's. Working cause the sensati evious year. The determination
together to put together the bits of ea heart being wretched and that I had learned to trust and the people
other's being; you mingle your puzzl isted from the inside. When that I thought I could trust; it was useless.
pieces with theirs. When the rela- she did throw them out I felt Determination can be squashed down by the
I1__ 1 .12 -. _ _ .- f T ., . v..A- A,-k
1%1l. . . FI
.... . %4.".,r,-
,1 , 4- y7k;rbt
k.l-»+-I- AT ;c
tionship ends, when you decide you L1Ke barring, ana i estees notLULL•LlL LLLuawLIL
L t 1u

would ratler not trust in the person i hardly eat. So ther Son the surface. People never
you along to completion, what happe a wobbly shoe rac] what they say anyway. The
It is maddening to try and separate pieces from sat Deer, various Voltron pieces, B ut butter offers some comfort now,
two different puzzles. Think about how many and Rambo. They looked so piti- telicits the feelings I used to get
close relationships you have in a lifetime. fully bewildered. •om pleasing so many people with
Imagine all the pieces you left behind when I must have gotten my gradual weight gain.
you lost touch, when you broke off ties. depressed or something, 'cuz I lefl I had lost myself in the world
Imagine all the pieces you hold on to that do my boyfriend downstairs with my id neurotically created for my
AtI vea ni. latives, and w :uffed animals. Parts of me flew
not pertain to you at all.
It's a pretty scary thought. Then pstairs. I'm n ito the garbage bag with each toy
it is nearly impossible to put a puzzle tog even sure wh ,mother tossed out. As I filled my
er by oneself. We need help. We need Soon after however, I real- body out, my control and self-confidence
lifelong family, friends. Doing such a ized how impolite it was drained away. With each loving act that goes
rlrrI rHC;->
r byr>L
l»r me to leave him, so I unappreciated or unnoticed I lose some of my
f is insane. returned downstairs. He identity and indeper
ntion you'd was gone by then. My As these
'have mole family was outside pieces come togeth-
ugh time to Sracket that can only be er, I realize there are
ome close tc Chinese family, and I thousands more to
finishing it. looked down the street hoping to see my consider. Thousand,
For fear of los- sweetie's red book bag bright against his black more that scream to
their own pieces, coat, but he was not in sight. I refused to give be put together, but
>me never allow up, and went back into the deserted house, they're going to:hav
lemselves to expe- calling his name. I searched and searched as to wait.

Pagel 6
K iSI ^j0_ni___i
i II n
Ia OL^ C

-- - -------- ---------~-------~~~-"~~--~- '

I m

Throughout the ages, there has been one select group of people that has
c-onistentl armed our hearts and captivated our attention better than a
seex-education class. This subculture of course, are our friends: The Ninja.
Ninja, with their stealthy mysticisr and their homicidal code of honor, are
sure to fascinate and amuse as The Stony Brook Press presents this
tribute to our favorite catlike sentinels of death

- Ninja can tell the time of day using only a car battery and a housecat.

-^ Ninja can survive for two full days after having their head severed.

iS Ninja can program a VCR by focusing the power of their mind.

Ninja will spill your entrails like a bag full of Manhattan clam chower
at the slightest provocation.
SHow man ninja does it take to screw in a lihgtbulb?
: One. itjust takes one ninja.

Ninja are like Jedi, but with-

out light sabers or the Force or SBlack and Hispanic Heritage Celebration
an thing.
Friday, February 9th
-q='Two words: utility Belts. 6 to 10 pm
SThat's right, ninja have anduse Galleria- Level 3, Health Science Center

bona fide utility belts.

- Jesus was a ninja. Or
maybe he was a carpenter...
Damn, I always mix those two up.
Ninja can rip a man's heart
Banquet Speaker: Ian Smith, M.D.
out of his chest and show it to Medical Reporter, WNBC
Come awaken your senses o the echoes of our miusic, the skills of our
him before he dies. performers, the taste of our ethnic cuisine, and feel the warmth of our
welcoime' .

~---s--^ Spe•nwred by
Student National Medical Association
.-- -^-- ^ Stonry Brook School of Medicint

ii -. I 1. ------- --------
By Christopher Gennari
__si ,Rngi s arWork
T .A...
I was at the U
looking for read thi
a new phi- Strikes I
losophy. I weeks p
am not nary lig 3ensation in my adome n.I
exactly sure stress th her jacket ad•nt ariArted listeni1
why. I was off by ai I's version of "My Way" in th
looking for Clown I ren considered starting days
something this des hen I pulled a hamstring and
new to read. new pui start by just walking around
I know I an UNC
was bored.
So I picked
up the little
book The
Tao of Pooh SState Parkway. Here I am, goin
by Benjamin the unii r of traffic (i.e. 85 mph), when
Hoff which of Pooh dies in an '81 Buick clog up thei
uses lots of young ecause they're nuns they thi ~ n
big lettering they sec *road or something. Then there
and exag- old mar responsibilities: read this book,
gerated batterec o that homework, teach this':cla
spaces to fall's ba irn your pay, pick your mother
reach a hun- young j p from the hospital. Nag, nag ai
dred and a strikes i ig. Pooh didn't have to deali ii

twelve-dollar price tag. Every College

half pages
The old
with the
one wit
uis stuff; no wonder he was|so-•
had to deal with a lunch .oa
esso Mocha Latte with::ifour sug
Sophomore has this b ok somewhere on a turns oi ad of honey he m t tb s
shelf and it had been sitting right there on my the Unc
_1 _1 __ -LiI- 1- - .-- 2 1 -%-%4.. -%...
, ."..4
sneir rignr oDeween a-D3uoom U1unry verse. (
Collection and Hemingway's ing one
Farewell to Arms since I was a PLETEI
sophomore in college. The basic Instead
premise of the book is that Winnie- cool lea
the-Vooh is the premier example or "There
the eastern philosophy of Taoism. Pooh is patroln
dubbed, by the author, a classic example of and fiv
being the Uncarved Block. for."
If this all sounds terribly complicated,
let me reassure you - it is. And if I had the Uncarvw
book in front of me, or on either side of me, I well, sh
would do a better job of explaining but since I sible flh
don't, I can't, so just read the book. It takes all to be ar
of 32 minutes. You can read it while waiting the ess(

on line for a frozen grilled chicken sandwich itself. B

insert., OU ~
_ ,,, i

-, n tern tnhili-Link
ByGreg Knopp
IY~L~ B ~- ~
IL~-~L~L I
~L I and Favorite Band. When I first saw

- Remember that old this site, I spent 3 hours and read the
game, where you cut entire thing.
out outfits from a page
and attach them to a - This is
nearly nude picture on a site about Stephen Hawking a.k.a.
a different page? Well the guy in the wheelchair. But here
you can do that again, instead of his better known life as a
but this time with the physicist, his life as a gangsta rapper
one and only, the son is discussed. They have a whole
of God himself, Jesus. bunch of MP3s, including "Fuck The
Creationists." The picture section is
http://www.dolphin- amazing as well. - This is by far
the funniest thing I
ever read. It's a - Now Christians do some pretty
detailed description on fucked up shit, but this site still man-
how one can mate with aged to surprise me. Here they take
a dolphin. It written by quotes from the Bible along with
a Delphinic Zoophile, some scientific research and use it to
one who makes love to justify abstaining from eating, and
dolphins. If you have instead drinking our urine. Here's
7 10 minutes and some examples: "I had tried drinking
Internet access you my own urine on a few occasions.
HAVE to read it. Urine is pure, fresh, organic, live, fil-
Here's a little excerpt: tered "structured" water, at body
"In the considerations temperature, containing large quanti-
of safety, you should ties of pure, predigested nutrients. It
NEVER let a male dol- is fresh, raw, and alive, and the cost is
phin attempt anal sex totally free (to say the least)."
with you."
http://www, once - you get passed all the advertisement
You'll probably need and uncalled-for links to CD's for
DSL or Cable to run sale, you can find some really funny
site. ItAas some
-^LT4 lk io !

cool shit: Sabotage

shit here. Click on SPOOF-O-MER-
CIALS, that's the best part of the site.
News Network is a The guess-that-song game isn't bad
news crew that finds either.
itself in some strange
situations. They docu- httn// rd
_~%JLm %aý
Iq JbtW
ment various protests. i•i[ ! II 1,14.11ILJ.
j L• •
•.e ZL~r LPL
I li JL

The one I liked the mon-masturbation- Here the

most, was this guy Mormons provide us with a compre-
throwing money to the hensive guide on how to overcome
NYC public during the society's worst affliction. This is a
biggest shopping day self-help site with STEPS IN OVER-
of the year. Behind the COMING MASTURBATION. Now if
Music That Sucks pro- everyone in Stony Brook would read
vides alternative this, we would have a much happier
biographies to many and peaceful university. I'll give you
artists.(My favorite some quick tips, but you have to reac
was Marline in the whole site for full recovery: If yo
Manson). If you got free time on your are associated with other persons
hands you should definitely check it having this same problem, YOU
SHIP. Masturbation is a sinful habit - that robs one of the Spirit and create:
Christian lyrics that can be sung to guilt and emotional stress. And wher
popular tunes. This is great. They the temptation to masturbate is
took all these songs, and re-wrote the strong, yell "STOP!" to those though
words to them. This is definitely as loudly as you can in your mind
worth your while. Play the actual and then recite a prechosen Scripture
songs and sing the new lyrics to or sing an inspirational hymn.
them. They got more than one hun-
dred songs to choose from. The funni-
est one is Smells like Holy(Teen) kyfeet/index.html - We all have goal
Spirit. in life, some more realistic then oth-
ers. This is a premier example of hoi - with some ambition and dedication
Now I'm sure a lot of people have one can reach his goal. Pain and dis-
seen this site, but I had to include it couragement might come your way,
here. It is truly amazing. Its a classifi- but if you focus you will succeed.
cation, and description of all the This is scientific, day-to-day report (
types of Mullets out there. It judges a person's attempt to infect himself
each mullet by Mulletude, with athlete's foot. It has pictures,
Aggressiveness, Hobbies, Sightings, graphs, and much more.
_ _ __ ~_ CUC _C_ _~ ~ _ I__ _ _ _ _I _L_ ___ II __ __ _ _ __ __





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The Final Word