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Vo. XXIII, Issue 1 "Somehow, This is All Marilyn Manson's Fault" September 12, 2001
- I L-

By Bev Bryan
Polity in Search of Buldget. Coirncil C.J
" RIho*

At the beginning of this school year the Fred Preston, VP of student affairs, has rejected the tions came to be invalidated at the end of the spring
student organizations on campus find themselves work of this committee on the basis that its lacked semester. At this time Fred Preston stepped in to
without their budgets for the year and no one elect- executive input and tended to favor the special appoint an interim government.Interim president
ed to the Polity Council. Few individuals seem to interests of those appointed. This leaves the various Natalie Hodgson won the office of vice president in
see this as any real cause for alarm. Polity sponsored student organizations on campus the discarded elections. Interim treasurer Sasha
The problem with the budget is a routine working with a quarter of the money they received White and interim secretary Shaniqua Williams
one. During the spring semester the Senate had from Polity last year until a budget can be chosen both ran unopposed.
split into a number of subcommittees in order to by the Senate. Hodgson has expressed the hope that with
come up with the numbers for individual clubs. To make matters more difficult the results a small agenda at the Senate meeting on September
The work took a very long time and the semester of last semester's Polity Council elections were twelfth, a new budget will be passed. The meeting
simply ended without the budget being completed. thrown out by the Polity Judiciary. This is largely will be held at eight P.M. in the Student Union Bi-
Mike Bemardin, Commuter Student Association due to the petition submitted by Senator Andrew Level. She is also optimistic about resolving the
VP has said, "As far as I know, for at least the past Murray to Polity's Supreme Court.. Adam issue of the Polity Council. Hodgson has said
two years the budget has gone to an eight person Zimmerman petitioned to be on the ballot but not "Hopefully, we can have a smooth election process
committee for lack of time." included in time for elections. There would be no done in a few weeks and then we can have a new
The Senate convenes twice during the time for the Supreme Court to convene before the council." She was reluctant to discuss how closely
summer to determine the budget for each session. results of the election were popted. Rather than the new ballot might resemble the old
Because these conventions are unable to vote on compromise the elections process for the sake of One refrain heard repeatedly with regard
any issues not pertaining to the summer sessions expedience the Supreme Court voted to order that to both of these issues is the need for more realistic
an emergency budget committee was appointed by results of the elections should not be posted until time frames in which to perform such tasks as
the spring convention to decide on a budget for the the matter could be properly addressed. establishing a budget and holding elections. Mike
coming school year. The trouble has Bemardin said"The budget process is something
The eight-person committee was com- had to do with the petitioning process itself. In that's supposed to be started a lot earlier than it
posed of equal numbers of commuter students order to get on the council ballot for a particular is."Chief Justice Talia Paul in a memorandum on
and residents. These senators revised the origi- office hopefuls must obtain a certain number of sig- the decision to invalidate the spring elections
nal- working budget plan by cutting approxi- natures indicating student body support for the writes, "... the elections schedule should have been
mately 80,000 dollars from what was originally candidate. One thing that complicates this is that a set much earlier in the semester since elections on
allocated to SPAB (Student Planning Activities matching student ID number must accompany this campus have a history of problems associated
Board). 40,000 of this sum were assigned to the each signature. In Zimmerman v. Elections Board;\ with them. Yet the Elections Board, Council, Senate
.dorm LEGs and the Commuter .. Student the preceding court case addressing this issue, the or some combination of the three bodies fail, for
Association while another 40,000 went to reduce Supreme Court decided that the Board of Elections some reason, to take this into account when creat-
the Polity budget overdraft. This would have had not been checking the signatures of students ing and approving the elections schedule."
reduced the organization's debt from 60,000 dollars against the numbers for validity.
to only 20,000. This is how the results of the elec-

.New N
By Chris Gennari
ShFaculty J
Art Show Hug
Occurring once every two years, the maintain precise angles and distances, hurriedly "WAR" displayed right in the middle of the piece.
Faulty Art Exhibition is again taking up residence assembled his large collection of photographs Mr. Pekarsky explained his works' clear ecological
in the Staller Center Art Gallery. The Exhibition is while Mr. Adam Labe quickly set up his cast meaning saying that he wanted his work to illus-
a long standing tradition for the Art Department, iron/aluminum sculptures representing material trate the fragility of the earth through the repre-
running for more than twenty-five years. This culture. The rapid set up misrepresents the time sentation of the desert.
year's edition features multiple works by twenty which Mr. Labe obviously spent in creating each Not all of the pieces have monstrous
faculty and staff members. Many of the works of the pieces which he estimates at between 60 and dimensions. Ms. Lisa Mackie's hand made artist
will be presented to an audience for the first time, 80 hours. The exhibition is worth attending just to books were small, delicate and ornate. They
while others have already been internationally see the results of such labor intensive devotion by reminded me of the child picture books of my
exhibited. all the artists. The piece I was youth which had an animal' divided into three
I was lucky to get a sneak preview of the most intrigued by and the display which seemed parts and by changing the pages of any part, you
Exhibition (provided by Ms. Rhonda Cooper, who the most unfinished was done by Ms. Christa created an entirely new animal: a moose headed,
to her credit, answered all of my questions and Erickson. The fact that three people had worked beaver bodied, lion tailed mystical creature.
introduced me to the present artists) while it was on the display for days illustrated to me the enor- While I wanted to turn the variously (and precise-
still under construction. The cavernous hall con- mous enterprise of the piece. Ms. Cooper gave me ly) layed out images, which fell from the book
tained an assortment of displays in progress. an impressive description of video cameras and proper in all directions, the sheer delicacy of the
Some displays were finished and on display rest- projected LCD displays which made me think of material forbade me in the same way as I still put
ing comfortably on a stand or hanging on what being immersed in Liquid CNN. Walking around my hands in my pockets when I enter a crystal
must be tremendous nails from the wall. Ms. Toby the Gallery I had the same feelings I had as a shop.
Buonagurio pleasantly illustrated her impressive teenager walking through the auditorium while The displays, even at this early stage,
ceramic works, presenting the narrative structure the Players rehearsed for the Spring Play. I was promise an impressive exhibition. The Reception
of each of the three pieces (two hanging and one impressed by all the scurrying work by so many on 29 September promises to be very interesting
standing sculpture) which imbued them with a different people which intended for a beautiful since most of the artists will be available for com-
deeper meaning than I would have been privy to and precise result. mentary on their pieces (plus there's food). This is
by myself. The exhibition is a vast array of different art an excellent chance for students to see the fruits of
Most of the displays were not yet fin- types, using different media, promoting different their teachers' labor and to understand their
ished. Mr. Mel Pekarsky, not having yet narratives. Most of the works are obviously contem- teachers' artistic perspective.
unwrapped his tremendous canvas of the Nevada porary in their mode and presentation. Several have
desert (it measures some eight feet by twelve feet), very pronounced political symbolism.
showed me a slide of the work. While Fascinating A collection of Video Drawing pieces by
as a slide, Mr. Pekarsky's explanation of the work, Ms. Howardena Pindell had the immediate and
and its display, made it clear that the presentation visceral response of being recognizable and shock-
was as much apart of the art piece as the canvas. ingly political. One piece had a video depiction of
Mr. Carl Pope, using an assortment of tools to piled skulls in Cambodia with the stark, bold, text

Page 2
By Isaac Pflaum
Over-assignment, or tripling as it is more that the University was not to blame. University this fall." In the past few years USB has increased
commonly called, is accepted as a part of dorm life officials were "sitting on the side line watching the its enrollment by leaps and bounds, although
at Stony Brook. Freshmen, late housing applicants worse case scenario." there was no such increase this year. The universi-
and even upperclassmen know from personal Why Fred Preston was surprised by the ty accepted 71 fewer freshmen this year than last
experience the inconviences of living in over- incompletion of the dorm buildings is a mystery. (2,203 vs. 2,274) Steve Preston said "we had a big-
crowded housing. This year, four dorm buildings When asked what percentage of campus construc- ger increase [in enrollment] last year."
did not open as planned. This has displaced tion is completed on time, Fred and Dallas According to Dallas the housing crisis
almost five hundred students including many laughed, and responded "Zero." It hardly seems a was worsened by "demand for campus housing
upperclassmen who had rooms in the uncomplet- laughing matter. The Charles Wang building, SAC that has really out passed the increases in enroll-
ed undergraduate apartments. II and stadium are all over budget and over due. ment." When asked if prospective students were
Dallas Bauman, Vice-President of Optimistically, Dallas commented that "In a year informed of the possibility that they would be
Residences, explained the extent of the tripling, from now when those apartments are fully occu- tripled Dallas responded "Its in the guide to
"Every building has some degree of over assign- pied, people will have substantially forgotten enrollment...information that goes out to [all stu-
ment. At max it was 305 rooms tripled and 150 about the hassles and the hardship that have come dents applying] indicates that there is the poten-
people in lounges...its already lower than that, as a result of what has happened this year...the tial that people will be over-assigned." but as Fred
that was the peak." Although this level of tripling apartments are wonderful and they are going to Preston pointed out "When you enroll...its not the
is nothing new, in the words of Fred Preston, "For be a real asset to the campus." kind of thing you pay attention to."
a variety of reasons I think it comes as a surprise." In the past the university has moved stu- The University was planning to triple a
Fred Preston, vice- president of student dents into dorms that were not completely fin- small number of students before it found out that
affairs stated his frustration with the dorm com- ished. Light fixtures, doorknobs, etc. can be the dorms would not be complete. Dallas said,
pletion at a press conference with student media installed while people are living in the dorm."Lots "[Office of Campus Residences] were going to do
on August 31st, "even at this late date we can not tell of construction projects don't end up being com- some level of over assignment in triples and
you when even one of those buildings will be com- pleted on time.", a university official stated,"Year, lounges. We had planned to do that" The Office of
pleted." In defense of the University Preston stated, after year, after year...we've squeezed by with Campus Residences over booked the dorms,
"Up until very recently during the summer...we pro- work not complete...we were hoping we'd be able expecting that around 130 people would not show
gressively found out that first off that not all four to pull that sort of situation out in this case, but it up to the rooms they had reserved. Tripled stu-
buildings would be done, then maybe two build- didn't happen." dents would then be moved into vacant rooms.
ings would be done, and just a week before school The issues, which most directly effect stu- The issue of over crowding lends itself to
started...we were told that not even one building dents, are the lack of adequate telecommunica- a review of dorm fire codes. Pat Calabria,
would open on time...we had to find space." tions, furniture and compensation. Some students University Public Relations stated at a press con-
According to Preston "The Campus does- placed in lounges in H, Mendelson and Roosevelt ference with student media " a review has begun
n't really have any control," over what he quads were given cell phones. Others just make but up till right now the review indicates that
described as a "construction nightmare." Dallas due without phones and all without cable and there is no violation of fire codes." William J
explained the process of dorm construction, "The Ethernet. "Telecommunications will be available Finamore, Chief Fire Marshall at USB stated in an
sale of bonds is how money is provided and in for students occupying lounges in Mendelson by interview that "yes, preliminary review has
that approach the authority to sell the bonds and the 14th of September.", according to Dallas, and begun...based on the information [Office of
manage the construction of the project is the lounges in H and Roosevelt will be wired as soon Campus Residences] have provided us it appears
Dormitory Authority." When asked why this par- a possible after that. All students occupying that there is no violation." Apparently the diffu-
ticular project went so badly Dallas stated " I don't lounges have a full compliment of furniture but sion of over-assignment across the campus insures
think that the Dormitory Authority and this par- those in triples share two desks and two closets that no one building goes out of code, "it appears
ticular contractor worked well together." among three people. Two people in each triple to be very spaced out" When asked when the
The contractor in question is JF Dennis of must sleep in a bunk. The lack of adequate work- review would be complete and what, if any limits,
Wantagh who has two projects besides the dorms space has many students seeking refuge in SINC were imposed on dorms by the fire code,
on campus. According to Dallas, JF Dennis was sites. Tripled students and those in lounges are Fennimore replied "its almost complete...there
fired by the DA in August because of concerns that compensated $100 for every three weeks of over- would be a limit but I couldn't give you a specific
"they could not complete the project in a timely assignment. This token compensation hardly really goes by square footage and the
manner." This means that currently there is no makes up for the inconvenience but it seems to size of doors." As Dallas stated, "[the dorms] were
company contracted to complete the buildings. keep students quiet. Some students will be getting designed for two people, that doesn't mean that it
Dallas speculated that the DA might relief soon as 130 rooms reserved for no-shows is a violation of code to have more than two peo-
attempt to hire subcontractors to complete the will be made available the week of the 14th. That's ple."
buildings. He stated that one building, capable of just the tip of the iceberg though. Many students According to Fred Preston, "the problem
housing 108 students, could be completed in two will be in over-assignment for several months. [with completing projects] is all the levels of
to three weeks "if work started tomorrow." When Although this year more attention is bureaucracy." He said he thought the problem of
asked who was accountable for this situation drawn to the problem of campus over-crowding completing construction projects on time could be
Dallas responded quickly "The University hired because of the incompletion of the dorms, tripling solved if "institutions like Stony Brook... were
the Dormitory Authority to handle the project." and lounge squatting is nothing new at Stony allowed to manage their own projects."
Although he would make no further comment he Brook. Dallas stated the University "actually had
and Fred Preston were adamant in their assertion more people over-assigned last fall than we do

The Stony Brook Press, part

of this low-fat complete
breakfest. Meeting every
Wenesday at 1:00 p.m. in
room 060, in the basement of
the Stony Brook Union.
Paae 3

Srhl7z's Art Comes "Into the Onen"

--- I -'I ·I I --- -~b _JEWJ
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By Philip Grandin
It seems that most people, or at least the the show. There are a few sharp,
ones I've talked to, are somewhat oblivious to geometric forms, as well as some
the fact that there's and art show down at the pit fire pottery, which has the
Stony Brook Union. Heck, I didn't know about it unique appearance of ancient mil-
until I was told to write an article on it. lennia-old pottery, yet has the air of
Apparently, Stony Brook has its very modern art.
own artist-in-residence; ceramicist Rebecca Schulz's artwork not only
Schulz currently has her work on display at the gives a different perspective from
Union Gallery (2nd floor) Monday through Friday, the vantage point of an onlooker,
until September 14 from noon to 4 p.m. but as well as one toward nature in
"My sculptures," says Ms. Schulz, "are ceramics. In her modern-art style,
heavily influenced by my passion for botanical Schulz shows us the every-day
life." Schulz's art looks like the kind of garden flora, which is largely bypassed by
that only shows up in Little Shop of Horrors, the average person, through the
except not as witty, or as man-eating. Not that unique perspective of both pit fire
this is a bad thing, of course. It's modern art, ceramics and modem art.
which makes it avant-garde, so that's cool. As with most modern art,
Schulz is a graduate of the Maine School however, the opinion may slide
of Art, as well as Franklin Pierce College, in either way on the scale of
which she majored in biology and minored in approval.
environmental science (kind of explains the On the converse of praise
plant theme, doesn't it?). (because this newspaper is all
In her art, Schulz strives to create "inti- about giving equal voices to con-
mate moments within larger forms," as to invite flicting opinions), one could see
the onlooker into the botanical pieces. The three- the art as the same form over and
dimensional effects of a giant flower coming out over, with little stray from the
of the wall at you does have this bizarre, hyp- ceramics medium.
notic effect if one looks at it closely enough. The Other than look at the
artist sees her wall hangings as a challenge, to various works and follow the
visually jump off the wall the out at the viewer, depths of the flowers, one may
and then pull them into the piece itself. Her finish the exhibit with little taker
large, creviced artwork plays in the third dimen- away from it. Notwithstanding,
sion well. One can look upon any of the works Schulz is a very talented artisi
from multiple angles, from each one seeing a dif- with an obvious passion for her
ferent aspect of the art, as well as another posi- art as well as her uncommor
tion to be drawn into the piece. style, and I look forward to seeing
Schulz's art, however, is not limited to the what else she will produce ir
shiny, twisted flora. Schulz's ceramics cover a future galleries.
much broader range. Although the exhibit at the Stony Brook's resident artist pro-
Union is dominated by her tentacle-like flowery gram gives young artists, such as
swirls, there are many other non-floral works at Schulz, a place to work and exhib-
it. Ms. Schulz has been at Stony
Brnnk s incp last NTnvember While
Stony Brook, Schulz has made all of her dis- art shows this year, including "Pre-SculpturePeriod
played art on campus through the Crafts Center, 1920-1940," (September 24 though October 9)
as well as teaching two courses at the Ceramic "Unseen America,"(October 15-31) and both senior
Studio: Beginner Pottery Making, and Pottery student art shows. (November 6-16 and November 29
Making II. through December12).
Either way you take modern art, I'd defi- For more information on the Arts, Crafts, &
nitely suggest checking out this exhibit. Even if Leisure Program'sclasses, find the orange "Arts, Crafts
this type of art isn't really your style, it would pay & Leisure Programs" pamphlet in the Crafts Center
off to at least find out where the Union Gallery is. Office in the Union basement (open 9am-5pm Monday
There's bound to be something there sooner or through Friday), or call (on campus) 2-6820.
later that you could enjoy. Besides, there has got to
be something wrong with you if you don't like art.
See art. Have fun. Be Happy.
r Fist
lace: Edi orial -Car~fifH
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L _I __ Editorial:
_I_~_ __ SoWho
__ __ Else is Sick?
Executive Editor From what I hear, at the beginning of every ting paid 50N a week. By the way, the president of
JalH IIassna school year, as thousands of students from wher- this fine university lives in a mansion.
Managing Editor ever they're from, coalesce at Stony Brook, bring- For the freshmen: drop USB 101 right now.
Isaac Pflaum
ing with them a delightful cross-section of com- It is a waste of your time, money and dignity. Look
Associate Editor municable illnesses, just about everybody gets over the deadlines to withdraw from classes. They
Katie Sinnott sick. So thanks a lot you plague-ridden flock of will sneak up and bite you hard on the ass. Rule of
bastards. thumb: you probably shouldn't be drunk while
Business Manager It feels like there is a gym sock stuffed watching Saturday morning cartoons. Oh, and no
Diana Post between my brain and my face. Blowing my nose matter what anyone tells you, "energy" drinks
has been a fruitless toil so now I'vejust shoved two (e.g. Red Bull) will not make you a better lover.
News Editor tissues into my nostrils to stop the tidal flow com- Only having a lot of money can do that.
ing from my nose. I'd rather eat glass than move Has anyone else noticed that the in-
Features Editor right now. progress Charles Wang Center is shaping up to be
Daniel Hofer On the lighter side, we have CVS brand remarkably phallic? Chuckle. Chuckle.
Arts Editor multi-symptom non-aspirin severe cold conges- Swivel chairs and legal pads are the only
tion without drowsiness. It's good for what ails ya, things you need to manage a productive office. We
and as an added bonus, it makes you quite a bit at the Press are big fans of both. We recommend
Photo Editor loopy at the same time. Pseudoephedrine and buying at least a half dozen of each before even
DXM: being sick was never more fun. As my pursuing the office space that these items will
Coppii Edeeta symptoms fade I get to fully enjoy the sounds of eventually reside in.
my friends starting to sniffle. No one is safe from In conclusion, the sculpture show upstairs
Production Mngr. my super germs. in the Union is incredibly vaginal and anyone who
Beverly Bryan Hey speaking of communicable diseases, says otherwise is lying.
how are all you folks in the tripled dorms?
Ombudsman Damn if there was ever someone on this campus
Glen "Squirrel" Given getting the shaft (and believe-you-me, there WAS)
it's you. You might as well be making Nikes in an
undisclosed overseas factory, at least you'd be get-
I ' ' - ' - '''''' -' ~I - - -
Timmxonnos cdiisGennari,
Ro Glheany Danid Hofer, ~II Ir -
Editorial: The Ivory Tower is No More _- __, P -- ~ =_ ., -~b·l - ~I -L ~ - - ·i --a - -r - -r -i ·C ~* ~ar

I was lying on the couch when Katie woke the target of this attack, and as Americans we must
BrianKati DavidKlein, Gegory me up. "You gotta wake up, somebody just blew all stand up for the values, and the freedoms which
up the World Trade Center!." I didn't know what this attack threatens.
Knopp, EL Iivingsbon, Jamie the'hell she was talking about but I got up anyway One of those freedoms is from Fear. No
Mignoa Steve PrestonDiana and made my way to the TV station next door American should fear that because they look
where some people had congregated around the Middle-Eastern that they will be held accountable
Post Brian "Sc3p" Schneidet; television. What I heard the newscaster say next for the actions of a few, extreme terrorists. No
was unbelievable. Somebody had flown a plane American should forget that either we all have
KatieSinnott CrisSo-icdin, into the Twin Towers, no, two planes, one into freedom or none of us are truly free. There is
each. Where the hell am I?After staring at the box always somebody, or some group of people which
Chis Stad<owic Sharon Sung, for a while, one of the buildings collapsed. It just can oppress any individual, unless they are
fell straight down upon itself into a cloud of opposed.
IHaryVidai JoannaWegidni smoke. It didn't seem real. I have not been a New Americans must look to the policies of our
Yorker for a long time. I have never been inside Nation and try to understand the source of this
Midia Yde, Danil Yohannes those towers, but I had seen them from the BQE intense hatred which has taken so many lives. We
going-into Staten Island, and I knew that they were must remember that tragedy, death, and destruc-
The Stony Brook Press is published bi-weekly terrific in size. How could they simply disappear? tion happen all around the world, and often by
during the academic year and twice during I didn't know how to feel, but I knew I felt strange our own hand. We must realize the horror of such
the summer intersession by The Stony Brook and angry. It was a hell of a thing to wake up to. violence now that it has been brought into our
Press, a student run and student funded When presented with situations like this, very backyard, and endeavour that no one any-
non-profit organization. The opinions
where one is so shocked as to be barely able to where in the world suffers this sort of terror.
expressed in letters and viewpoints do not
necessarily reflect those of the staff. comprehend what is going on, it is easy to jump to Americans must appreciate the suffering of
Advertising policy does not necessarily conclusions. Sometimes events like this bring out other people across the globe because their suffer-
reflect editorial policy. For more informa- the best inpeople, as the block-long lines of people ing is now ours as well. The Ivory Tower has crum-
tion on advertising and deadlines call waiting to give blood vividly illustrate. Somretimes bled and laid waste our complacency. Our nation is
(516)632-6451. Staff meetings are held
Wednesdays at 1:00 pm. First copy free. For
with the good comes the worst in us. It would be a not removed from the world's problems, and we
additional copies contact Business tragedy if people reacted to this act of hate with must learn why this hatred was brought to bear
Manager. hatred of people who look like those we think are upon us in such a horrible way. We must learn
The Stony Brook Press responsible. Racism is an American legacy and just why we are hated so bitterly, and what we can do
Suites 060 & 061 as Japanese-Americans were persecuted after Pearl to heal these wounds not only at home, but across
Student Union
SUNY at Stony Brook Harbor, it is likely that Middle Eastern-Americans the world. Most of all, we must not let an act born
Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200 will be persecuted now. We must fight to stop this of Hate beget Hate amongst us. This is a time for
(516) 632-6451 Voice from happening. As Americans we are collectively
(516) 632-4137 Fax understanding, for love, and for healing.

Page 5

By Sarah Stuve
By Sarah Sruve
Chances are if you weren't at the Union Bi- together a Three AM and exhausted interview Then I It's Rock & Roll, baby...
level on Friday night then you had no idea that the fell asleep while Jamie killed zombies on Resident
Future is Now Festival was even going on. Well, for Evil: Code Veronica X. Who do you think would win in a fight
those of you who ignored the flyers, who don't listen The next morning, after my car broke down between Hulk Hogan, Joseph Stalin and
to the radio, or who just didn't have the three bucks on North Loop Road and was towed off to the Tom Cruise?
to get in, here's a re-cap of what the future was like on mechanic, (that's ok, it's not like I really needed to A: ELAINE: Hulk Hogan
Friday night. leave campus anyway) I came home to an excellently LIZ: Stalin.
The Future is Now Festival on Friday, finished interview from the members of ZIA. So MATT: Tom Cruise
September 7th, occurred at the Union Bi-level at 8pm. without further ado... the interview...
The night's festivities consisted of some really great Q: Explain those strange looking instruments
bands, some really strange instruments and one can- Q: What are your names, and what instruments you play. They're great.
d^r vt lr~i r?
oU you plaIy. A: ELAINE, LIZ and MATT: They are electron
A: ic MIDI triggers. The Circuit boards were
ELAINE: My name is Elaine discarded from AT&T and we put a piezo
1.... 1 ..... 1.1.. . |.... *.. Walker and I mostly transducer on the back of each one. They
sing lead and play my planetaur, are all plugged into the DrumKats, which
and occasionally play midi triggers we used to program them for each song.
and keyboards on the We play all the notes and samples with
other stations. sticks by hitting these circuit boards. They
LIZ: I'm Liz Lysinger and I sing have different notes and sounds set up for
back ground vocals each song.
and occasionally lead
vocals, play keyboards and MIDI Q: What are your bed times?
triggers (a.k.a. I whack A: ELAINE: 5am
circuit boards, equipped LIZ: mmmmm.......between 4am and 6am,
with piezo transducers, with sticks.). depending on what I have to work on.
Outside of ZIA, I play piano and MATT: I sleep?
pipe organ.
MATT: My name is Matt, I play a Q: Which are your favorite bands?
lot of instruments, however, in ZIA, I A: ELAINE: Missing Persons, Garbage, Bjork,
hit MIDI triggers. Billy Idol, Nitzer Ebb, Front 242, Front Line
Assembly, New Order, Space Robot
Q: Where are you all from Scientists
and where do you practice? LIZ: Orb, Orbital, David Bowie, Creedence
A: Clearwater Revival, Rolling Stones, I just
ELAINE, LIZ and MATT: Elaine is started getting introduced to the music of
from Las Cruces, NM, Liz is from Konflict...
Detroit, MI, Matt is MATT: Tom Waits, Velvet Underground,
from Commack, LI and we prac Devo, Subhumans, X Ray Spex, Talking
tice in Elaine's bedroom in Heads, David Bowie.
Brooklyn, NY.
What band(s) if any have had the greatest
Q: How did you get involved influence on your music?
in the future is now A: ELAINE: Front Line Assefrbly.
festival? LIZ: For my solo project, Rachmaninoff and
A: Victor Borge. For ZIA, it's Orb and Orbital.
ELAINE: That sounds good, what MATT: Me, personally? Danny Elfman
is it? I wasn't aware that we and The Talking Heads, mixed with lots of
were involved. Devo.
LIZ: What is the future is now festi-
val? Q: Ok, here is where you can include any new
MATT: But, the future IS now! releases, show dates, website
addresses, booking info, and announce
Q: If you could give a name ments. Plug/include anything you
L *-- -,--a- _^ -- v -v1 - c.AAL%,.%-
-A -1
1-'s up to you.
to tme music you play, wviiat wouiu
celled act. Oh, and some free pizza if you were you call it? A: ELAINE: (ZIA-
sneaky. The cost of entry was three dollars for Stony A: ELAINE, LIZ and MATT: Electronic pro- Official Website),
brook students and eight dollars for non-students. space pop music. (BlueZiaProductions - Elaine and Liz's pro
All proceeds from the show went to benefit Stony duction company),
Brook's WUSB 90.1. The whole shebang was Q: What albums do you currently have out, nyc (The New York Chapter of The
painstakingly put together by WUSB's own Dave and are there any more on the way? National Space Society)
Kline. Those on the night's performance list included A: ELAINE, LIZ and MATT: Currently, there (This
Encounter Box, Nano Frog, Space Robot Scientists, is ZIAv1.5 released in 1994, SHEM (EP) is The World Space Party event occurring in
ZIA arid Earthling. Unfortunately, due to an exces- released in 1996, and Big Bang! from Washington, D.C in 2002.
sively anal police staff and a late start to the show, the 2000. We are currently working on a new LIZ: (my website),
closing band, Earthling, was forced off the roster. In album, so stay tuned! and
addition, most of the bands had to cut their perfor- (Pokemon and Rave Music - I am one of the
mances short to meet the twelve midnight cut off Q: So what did you think of Stony Brook? music editors for the Pokemon animated
time. WUSB'' Dave Kline was denied a twenty A: ELAINE: Great, except the police searched television series).
minute extension onto the show. Despite the help and us illegally. We witnessed them searching MATT:
cooperation of building management (thank you), other people's equipment without the band (Space Robot Scientists - my band),
nothing could be done about the cut off. members being anywhere in sight. They (for the promo
Ok, enough of the bad stuff. Regardless of searched our bags right in front of us with tion of the film, "Hack", which I scored the
the cancellation, the show was great. All the per- out asking for permission. Our friend, music for).
formers were extremely talented and I was Mike asked the security guards why they
impressed, to say the least. Future is Now turned out were doing that and they said that they had UPCOMING SHOWS:
to be a cleverly fitting name for the show, considering direct orders from the police. So, he asked SAT. -SEPT. 8 @Downtime, NYC - 11pm
the array of electronic instruments used. The most the police and they said, "It's policy." So, he FRI. -SEPT. 21@Triad Lounge, NYC - 8pm
outstanding of these instruments being the Theremin, got their badge numbers and names. This SAT. -SEPT.22@Narrows Center for the Arts, MA
ani electronic instrument which uses electromagnetic is completely illegal and unconstitutional. FRI. -SEPT. 28 @ The Kitsch Inn at True, NYC
interference to make crazy noises, played by Matt in These kids are going to grow up being used For booking in Long Island or anywhere, really,
Space Robot Scientists. also, all of the instruments to this type of infringement on their rights. contact: Matt Dallow at
played by the members of ZIA, look like they either This is bad. For booking in Manhattan,
came from outer space or an old science fiction movie. LIZ: We played there twice before, for the Boston, or anywhere else, contact: Liz Lysinger at:
I met Elaine and Liz from ZIA after the show ICON science fiction and fantasy conven
and organized an interview with them over the inter- tions. It seems like a straightforward uni
net. After handing in my film to the Press office and versity campus. It needs better signs telling
grabbing a bite to eat at the Kelly Deli, Jamie Mignone you where you are and where you are
(writer of "Bob") and I walked our friend Trida to her going, though.
car and went to my dorm sweet dorm. There I put MATT.: *shrug*...played there...done that.
I , 1. ~---- -------~I-- ------- ------------------------------ -- --- i I --


Ways to Dump
Your High
School Yankees were on People are coming
Girlfriend the way to another
World Series win. PRO out in droves to
donate blood

World Trade The Latin Grammys

Center: doin' fine! are postponed inde-
Powerball Jackpot
up to $280 million! The Emmy
"awards" have
John Stuart ends been postponed
vacation from the indefinately
Join a frat. (Oh, my bad, I thought Daily Show!
this was top ten ways to RAPE your
high school girlfriend.)
Pres. Bill Clinton is
Nintendo doin' fine!
announces launch
I Send her a PFLAG of it's next genera- Giuliani experienc-
pamphlet, tion console: the ing temporary bout
Game cube. of humanity
Tell Her: "There's only room for one
love in my life; and that room is
rented by Jesus Christ."

Pawn her off on your other

High School girlfriend.

Kindly let her know that "college is

about experimentation, experimenta-
tion fucking other women that is."

Kindly let her know that "college is

a voyage of self-discovery, self-dis-
covery fucking other women that is."
- L· - - lllI -- II- -- ---- Is I

By Adam Kearney
-- Bare
-- ----Bones
--- is,--Prettv
--e--- -I_ d
taged for professional
study in scientific or tech-
The goal of a public university is to provide nical areas. New York
quality higher education that is affordable to stu- State's 108 independent
dents of all economic levels. To accomplish this goal, colleges also rely on
tuition costs must be kept at a minimum and finan- Bundy Aid, or Direct
cial aid programs must have adequate funding. Institutional Aid. The col-
However, this is the total opposite of what is occur- leges receive payments
ring in the New York public university system. from the Bundy Aid pro-
Students are outraged at the "bare-bones" gram based on degrees
budget that was passed last month by the State actually conferred to stu-
Senate and Assembly. This budget allocates even dents. This program lost
less funds to higher education opportunity programs $3 million due to the new
than the previous proposal from Governor George budget, reducing it to
Pataki. The steady increase of tuition costs and infla- $44,250,00, when accord-
tion in New York calls for an appropriate increase in ing to state mandated lev-
funding for educational programs. Now with the els the total sum should
beginning of a 'bare-bones" era they may barely be be $130 million.
able to operate, because they have been continually Childcare for.
stripped of their already meager resources. parents attending classes
I -1 1- - __ ,i_
I.'- i,, ,,,,in - .11 . _."
The largest cuts have been made to educa- nas been cut by ~$3. million Dy te INew YorK btate would be more than willing to invest our tax dollars
tional opportunity programs such as EOP, SEEK/CD Assmembly. These public funds are sometimes the
in higher education, that way graduates can earn
and HEOP, totaling $13.8 million dollars. EOP deciding factor whether a parent obtains of a higher
more money by getting better jobs and end up pay-
stands for Educational Opportunity Program, which education. This "bare-bones" cut is a detrimental fac-
ing higher taxes, but these old men and women are
is SUNY's assistance program for New York State tor for their learning experience of many students
generally not inclined to think too much about the
students who show promise for mastering college- with children.
future. This becomes the job of the student.
level work. "Bare-Bones" reduces the EOP budget by Students have not just sat by and watched
Those in NYPIRG and elsewhere have
16%, a $2.7 million decrease. SEEK, (Search for the growing decline in their educational standards
appealed to the Governor to introduce a supplemen-
Education, Elevation and Knowledge), and CD, without a word of protest. Activists, notably those
tal budget that would restore the cuts declared in the
(College Discovery), are two programs for the City belonging to the NYPIRG organization, have
"bare-bones" budget That would mean restoring the
Universities of New York that focus on financial aid, engaged the political powers that be to the point of
$13.8 million to opportunity programs, the $3.9 mil-
specialized counseling, remedial instruction, tutoring dressing up in skeleton costumes in a mockery of the
lion to campus childcare, the $13 million from cut
and book expenses for those students who could not whole "bare-bones" rip-off. The New York Public
from CUNY's full-time faculty budget, and the $3
successfully complete their higher education without Interest Group conducted press conferences along
million from Direct Institutional Aid.
such assistance. SEEK/CD funding has been cut by with these protests in an effort to have the Governor
There should not be a need to implore the
19%, which is $2.7 million less than what they restore and increase funding for higher education.
governor to pass a supplementary-budget in order
received last year. HEOP, (Higher Education Students initiated phone-in drives whereby thou-
for programs to operate as they have been for years.
Opportunity Program), is provided at independent sands of informed, motivated people directly com-
The "bare-bones" budget should have never been
colleges throughout the state and involves testing, municated with their representatives in the State
passed because it is plainly ridiculous and stupid to
tutoring and financial assistance for disadvantaged government and urged them to restore funding to
cut funding for higher education. Not only should
students. The HEOP budget has been cut by a stag- important programs.
the budget cuts be restored, but the State govern-
gering 25% which translates into $5.6 million less for Representatives should get the idea that
ment must be forced to recgnoize that it will not be a
students. STEP is another poorly funded program current funding levels are insufficient for students
good idea to mess with our educational standards in
that just recently lost 25% of its budget. The Science and for a fully functional university as a whole. The
the future.
and Technology Entry Program prepares minority programs being stripped of meat are essential to cre-
students or those who are economically disadvan- ate equal opportunities for students regardless of
L - I -P - _ L- - - I---- - ~ - - - - I

Page 9
I.---.-~--- ----
--- c -- -e I -i I ·1 1.
- - -- --- Electrorlted for the Good of Science
, L--* ~ ~ c -- CL IpL ~ t - CC s9L ~ _L - - - -9L

By Gregory Knopp

Why do I have this scar on my left arm?

Why did my hand twitch when I tried to use the
phone? Like anyone else taking a psychology
class I was required to participate in a psych
experiment. Since I waited till the end of the
semester, there weren't that many options left.
Actually only a couple experiments were posted
up that were not full. I found one that was two
hours long (I needed two hours worth for my
class), so things were looking promising. Besides
the fact that I was going have to cut my class to
attend, there was another problem: slight electric
shock would be involved in the procedure. This
made me pause and think for a second. I looked
around, seeing that there were no real options,
and considering that it might be somewhat inter-
esting I signed up.
Tuesday afternoon I showed up to the
psych building and found the office that my little
slip indicated. Inside a man in his mid-twenties,
and a lady about the same age were walking
around, looking occupied. I identified myself,
was seated and given paperwork to sign. It stat-
bome ume passea. i woura glance at me camera. or my iet arm, it stung tor a nnle on, anucet go.
ed that I was going to be involved in an experi- Everything was very silent. I started to tap the Then the noise, flash, the same picture. Now I
ment and mild electric shock would be delivered board with my fingers, making a beat. After a didn't know what to do. I put 40% no shock.
occasionally. few seconds of this the lady's voice emerged ZAPP!!! My face twitched in pain, and disap-
First, they would determine a volume from a speaker and asked me to sit still. proval. I was a bit distressed, then zzz! The noise,
that was painful, but not intolerable and that I stopped tapping and sat still. Some then the red flash, and bar, the same picture. So
amount would be delivered. With some hesita- more time passed. The computer screen lit up. A I put 50% shock, a couple of seconds of nothing,
tion I signed. The two were acting very profes- computer voice proceeded to explain what was and ZAAPP!! I murmured "Fuck" out loud. Then
sional and distant. I couldn't help but inquire to come. It stated that they were going to observe again with the noise, the red dot and the same
about the shock, and was reassured that it would my ability to monitor my own heart rate. I was to fucking picture. This time I guessed 20% shock,
be very infrequent. be shown a beating heart and hear a sound, then and no shock followed.
The girl turned on the water and asked using the mouse I was to decide if the tone was This went on for a while. I tried to figure
me to wash my hands and arms. As I put my delayed. I did this for a while, anxious of being out the logic. Did the picture subtly change? Did
hands in the stream I found the water to be rather zapped. I was never shocked. the noise and my heart rate that those fucking
hot, but not intolerable. Being a paranoid person, The man came in and began to prepare bastards were monitoring have something to do
specifically with medical personnel, and having me for the second part. He attached something to with each other? I attempted to notice a pause
some knowledge in psych experiment proce- my finger, claming that it was a device to moni- between the heart beat and the noise, but this
dures, I figured that this was part of the test, and tor my skin. Then he introduced the electric yielded no results;I was still shocked at times.
she was seeing if I would adjust the water. With device to me. It was 0-shaped and the diameter I tried to adjust my guess depending on
a feeling that I had figured out their little trick I of a golf ball. He said that a salt-water drenched an array of things including the imagined differ-
continued to wash my hands in the hot water. sponge would be placed inside the grooves of the ences in the pictures, the previous shock and my
After I was done she asked me to follow device. This would help transmit the shock. He own fucking heart beat. Nothing worked! When I
her to the room of the experiment. We walked warned me that the salt was likely to irritate my guessed that I was not going to be shocked, I felt
down your typical hallway with wooden doors, skin. He was going to leave the room, and test a relief, and if that followed a shock it tended to
until we reached a strange and scary entrance. out my capacity for pain. He said he was going hurt more, and was more devastating morally.
This door was elevated some inches off the increase the strength, and I would decide when I hoped that all this would end, I would
ground. It was large and metal. On it was a lock enough was enough. He suggested that I should glance over to the camera. I tried to figure out
that could only be unlocked from the outside, try to pick the strongest shock I could withstand. what they were getting at. I barked obscenities. I
resembling a medieval gate. We stepped in. This was going to be the shock I would receive wondered if this would only end when I asked
Inside was the size of about half a dorm room. during the experiment. With slow increments I them to stop. Was this some fucking cruel test of
The walls were cushioned and padded. The girl settled on a shock that hurt, but not a lot. I was conformity and fear of speaking up? I figured
asked me if I knew "What this is." To my reply of trying to see what they would determine about they wanted to destroy me mentally. They would
no she stated it was a soundproof room. -No one me, depending on how much I could take. do things that would not correspond to logic, and
can hear you scream," flashed in my mind. One After the technicalities were (literally) ask me to guess logically if I was going to
side of the room contained an armchair, and settled, I was ready to participate in the real shocked again. I considered taking off the fuck-
across from it an old computer with a little white experiment. This was the debriefing: a laser ing strap, but I did nothing. Did I please those
projection screen on top of it. I was seated and pointer would appear on the projection screen fuckers? Did I prove them right, support their lit-
given a thin wooden board with a computer accompanied by a noise. This would be followed tle evidence? I don't fucking know.
mouse atop it. The girl then picked up a few After a long, long while this ended.
by a picture and depending on that picture I was
metal plates with rubber straps attached to them. to decide (using a scale 100% SHOCK to 0% NO There was another short part to the experiment
She asked me if I knew what they were. She SHOCK, incremented by 10% on the computer) if where I would see the same picture, and had to
explained that they were a device to measure my I was going to be shocked or not. guess if it was a snake or a spider. It didn't look
heart rate, and applied some blue jelly to them. I'm sitting in the armchair, one hand on like either. No shock followed this time. They
She strapped one to each of my legs and one to the mouse, the other held upside down for the took off the straps and sent me on my merry way,
my right arm. I noticed thin wires protruding benefit of the shocking devise. I hear a rough crediting me for two full hours. The paper they
from the plates. She indicated a camera in the noise, and a red dot flashes on the monitor. A few gave me at the end claimed that they wanted to
upper right corner, claiming that I would be
moments later a picture flashes on the screen. It see if people who were good at monitoring their
watched the whole time. A microphone hung lookes like a 3D puzzle, just a bunch of shades of own body would be more likely to predict an
from a nail on the left wall. With that she left the yellow, which disappeares right away. upcoming shock of pain. This made some sense,
Now I was to decide if I was going to be but offered little consolation.
I'd leard of experiments like the shocked. I put 40% no. Few seconds later, the
Stanford Prison, and Milgrams authority obedi- noise, the red light, then a pause, then the same
ence experiment. So I figured that they were try- picture. This time I put 60% no shock. Then the
ing to trick me, and concluded that those straps same thing happened, now I put 80% no shock. A
were really the shock-delivering mechanism. couple of seconds passed and I felt a tightening
Page 10
_ _ _, . . .

ifii! ::ii• -'. 1, , , , i \ lr r_·

Whats New About DJ Kims Ne w

By Cris Stackowicz
would attract numerous visitors, curious to see quality and absolutely no excitement. You might
Last year, I began the challenging task of what the next generation of artists' work will know the kind of painting I'm talking about,
writing reviews of art exhibits on campus. Some look like. I suppose one goes in there expecting a they are in every office building in America, tr\
readers were absolutely bored by these and oth- transformative experience. As if walking into the ing to brighten up a boring space and only bo:-
ers were upset about the way in which I write. I gallery would broaden your perspective, show ing you more. The kind of thing you specifically
suppose it's to be expected. Nonetheless, I will you new things and excite you in some kind of try not to notice when you walk in.
continue reviewing again this semester unless way. A little like walking into a quasi- Now the paintings have changed. In DJ's
someone out there feels like taking the pen away Disneyland, or shopping mall, or thrift store for past year, he has opened up to himself and the
from me. The goal is not to bore you when writ- that matter. viewer. This is what is new to the viewer and to
ing about art. Instead, I try to show little things But then you go in and see a handful of DJ as well. The paintings, whether good or bad,
that may make the art on campus actually have paintings, pseudo-impressionistic and pseudo- signal. a change in the direction of the artist. He
some kind of value, and actually be worth see- expressionistic, and say, "What's so exciting no longer seems to be interested in selling him-
ing. I don't try to change your opinion. I just try about this?" I can see paintings a million times self out to a gallery, making work for the soul
to give some kind of interpretation of the work, better at the Metropolitan Museum only two fact of selling it. Instead the paintings seem to
whether it be good or bad, right or wrong. And hours away by train. What audacity the artist effervesce with a necessity for the artist to paint,
maybe that sparks some kind of interest in actu- has to show these works here and call them New and to paint as an expression of himself, not as
ally seeing the work done by the graduate stu- Paintings. There's nothing new about them. an expression of the commercialized desire for
dents. Is there really anything new for the pub- gallery and contemporary art acceptance.
If you've had an art history course, you lic about DJ Kim's paintings? Probably not, The paintings are assumably trees, yet
know the boredom of which I'm speaking. You're unless one is an avid fan of DJ's and has seen his' they become something much more when
tired. The lights go down. The slides start, and past work or paid attention to the show's in the looked at with a wide angled opinion. The
that unfortunate head snap begins. Sometimes gallery last year. Then carefully tracking his branches of the trees look more like cracks in
you just give up and let your head lie on the pil- genealogical artistic lineage, it could be said that glass, as if the slides from which he used to anal
low/notebook and wake up with a pile of drool what he dubs new paintings really are new, to retentively look at sperm. And out of the cracks
encrusted to the side of your face. I know the him at least, and maybe to those of us who know of scientific observation appears real life; an
feeling; I've been there before. So, I start to think, his work. So you can't go in there and expect to actual human who looks at things: analytic
what makes art even worth studying if it bores see a new style of painting that you have never observation becomes naturally emotive experi-
the good bulk of students and potential viewers? been witness to before. Instead go in there with ence.
What makes the work on campus even worth the realization that this style is completely new This is what is new about DJs paintings.
seeing? for the artist, and when we think of it in this way Imagine a scientist who just realized that the life
There's this little gallery on campus. It's maybe we can form some kind of dialogue with he studies in his little lab is part of a much big-
located in the Melville Library, adjacent to the these pieces in question. ger picture, and he just needs to crack the slides
lounge. It's the Graduate Gallery for those poor If you saw DJ's show last year, you can and open the petrie dish to really see it. I think
souls seeking out their MFA degree. It's a chance tell the difference. Last year he painted these DJ has cracked open those slides in these paint-
to showcase one's work with the expectation of exquisitely slick sperm paintings that seemed to ings, and what has revealed itself really is new to
something. What do we do as artists-when we flow through the canvases and across the walls. him, giving every bit of justification for him to
show our work? What are we expecting out of it? They were painted as if one had shown a fluo- call these "new paintings."
Do we have some kind of responsibility to the rescent light under a microscope and seen the
viewing public to make something worth see- highlighted spermies on the slide. They were
ing? pretty much surface glitzy gallery paintings that
Occasionally it's open. Most of the time pretended to have a depth but didn't. Basically,
it's not. Sometimes there's a packed house, and his paintings looked like commercialized prosti-
other times not a soul in sight. Ideally the place tution of artistic skill. There was no emotive


the dial isbroken. you nave no choice. Page 11


. ..

L I -- -I I L- I --


By Daniel Hofer
Warped Tour m
The summer is the greatest time of the year. could get a real hair cut there, the Yoo-Hoo barber crowd surfs and everyone gets a crowd surfers body
This can be attributed to the fact that there is no only knows cuts like "the forward mullet," "the landing on their head. Unlike other concerts (like say,
school. There are other reasons: the beach, string biki- reverse mohawk" and "the monk." It was interesting the Three Doors Down concert,) no one gets mad, not
nis, seeing old friends, string bikinis, crazy house seeing giving away stuff right near the even the surfer catching security guards.
parties, string bikinis, and of course, summer concert booth selling pro-weed patches, flags and other mar- This year's tour had a better lineup than
tours. One of these amazing summer tours is the ijuana oriented merchandise. most people expected. Pennywise had one of the
popular "Van's Warped Tour." Yet, that was defiantely not the strangest of greatest sets, and one of the craziest pits. They got
The Warped Tour started as an all day punk things I have seen at the Warped Tour. In recent the crowd to split into sides at one point and run into
rock show and has grown to encompass other music years, the collaborators of the concert have been each other. They also started a gigantic "circle pit."
and acts. With multiple stages, tents and arenas at inttoducing new musical styles to the line up. This The only band with a crazier fan base was Rancid.
any given time, a person has a large selection of what year Kool Keith and Morgan Heritage took the stage. Everybody knows Rancid. Their songs "Time
to see and do. The bigger, well-known bands play Kool Keith is known for his rambling, lewd and gen- Bomb" and "Ruby Soho" have been on Z100 and
thirty-minute sets back to back on the main stages. erally insane rap lyrics. I was surprised as to how MTV.
Less known and local bands play on assorted stages many punk rockers knew about "Dr. A Spanish girl from EMs was standing on
on the edge of the field. Many extreme-sports per- Octagonynocologist" and the "Half shark/alligator the other side of the barrier near were one of my
sonalities such as skaters, bJaders and BMXers show half man." Yeah, he's crazy. The reggae group friends was moshing. She asked him how anyone
off their skills on makeshift half-pipes and blocks. Morgan Heritage taught us some patois (pronounced could listen to such noise and choose to run into
The center of the Warped Tour is a village of tents, pat-wa), which is Jamaican dialect. Unfortunately, I other people. He told her, "It's fun, you just gotta get
each promoting a band, company or organization. don't remember what we learned, but it was interest- into it." When Rancid got into "Ruby Soho," my
Many people who say they don't want to go ing to see the crowd repeating after the lead singer. friend saw the EMT girl bobbing her head to the
to the Warped Tour use the excuse that they don't like These non-punk rock acts usually go up music.
punk rock. To be honest, I didn't think much of punk against a bit of opposition from hardcore punkers. I spent some time this year at one of the local
until the first time I went to the Warped Tour. I left This year during Morgan Freedom's set, some fat, stages. These local bands were very appreciative of
having seen about ten bands I had heard of before long haired, white piece of trash turned his back to the small crowd they got, and talked and thanked
and with a much greater appreciation for the music. the stage and put both his middle fingers up high so everyone. At points it seemed like they would rather
Each time I go I think I won't have a good time, but I everyone could see them. He was ignored and final- talk to the crowd then play. One of the better local
keep proving myself wrong. ly he gave up and walked away. bands called Ten Times A Day was really good. They
Every year the concert takes place on Of course what's a punk concert if you can't covered some famous artists (Sting and Weezer if I
Randall's Island, right near the Triboro Bridge. The get dirty and sweaty? The mosh pits at Warped are remember correctly), and played some good original
MTA sets up special buses just for the event. The fun the place to be. During the main acts, dust can be songs. I wouldn't be surprised if one day you hear
begins once you step on the bus. Screaming, yelling seen rising up from the crowd. In the pit, moshers them on the radio.
and other mob like acts often occur on the bus and on can be seen wearing dust masks and bandanas to The Warped Tour is an amazing day of
line before the concert. protect their lungs. I've seen a few morons wear a punk rock and fun. By the end, everyone is quite
Of course there's more bands then there is full-fledged gas mask. Seriously, thats going a little tired. Every year, I leave knowing a few more bands
time to see them. The best plan for a tour-goer is to overboard. It's amazing how there are so many peo- and songs. The greatest part about the train ride
find the list of bands and see who is playing and ple who don't give a damn about getting dirty. And home is the look on other passengers' faces when
when, and set your day around that schedule. The I'm not talking a little dirty. If you are in the pit for a they see your sweaty, dirty ass sitting down next to
tent village is a good place to walk around and see while, your hair becomes stiff, your nose and throat them. Even more so when you spit a nice dirt loogie
what is on sale or what is being given away. Most gets dogged and your skin gets a tan. The pit is what between your feet.
bands sell their CDs much cheaper at the Warped makes Warped so much different from other con-
Tour Village than you could get in a record store. The certs. Here most people want to get out their energy
Yoo-Hoo tent features free Yoo-Hoo among other and have a good time. If someone falls over, every-
things, and free hair cuts. Oh, and don't think you one stops to help pick the person up. Everyone

By Dustin Herlich
Freshmsan WoE
At one point or another, everyone on this drug and alcohol speeches in high school did not stop cose to a year ahead inALL your classes? AP credits
campus has been a freshman. Right now, it's my turn you, why would some stupid play suddenly and are great, except that Stony Brook University still does
to go through all the trials and tribulations of starting magically work? not let you skip a lot of your intro dasses. So now I'm
my college career in Stony Brook. I'm quickly finding They scanned your Stony Brook ID at the stuck in Environmental Geology, learning things that
out exactly how badly I was lied to in selecting Stony new student convocation, which was a good way to I actually helped teach as the TA of the advanced
Brook as my school of choice. scare us into going, but then we promptly fell asleep.- placement environmental science course in high
Before you even enter into your studies here, Even the things that might help, such as the tours school. Having to show my chemistry TA how to do
you have to go for freshman orientation, also known around campus proved to be wastes of time. As the a problem she assigned us in recitation makes me feel
as the worst waste of time possible. Will someone tell RA's did not know there way around as well as I did. all the more special. So maybe it's good that I don't
me how a multiple choice scantron test takes 3 hours Very pathetic if you ask me. To make matters worse,' get to sleep much at night. I have nap time most of
to grade? In high school we could grade those bub- all these little activities are ones that we have to repeat my day in the classes.
ble sheets at a rate of 1 or 2 a second. 3 HOURS AT in our USB 101 classes they suckered us into. Isn't that Everyone says you're getting a great educa-
STONY BROOK? If that w'as not bad enough, now wonderful? tion at a great price. So far, I'm not getting anything
you had to listen to the most stupid and useless lec- At night after a long day of useless activities, for my money. Including food which has made me
tures possible given by professors. These included all you want to do is go to bed. Not the easiest thing violently ill twice. Not to mention how I can't use my
such babble as, "You will only have 3 hours a week of to do if you are in a triple and the other two residents meal plan at the SAC during the only times I'm actu-
free time." and "You're getting a good education." I insist on blasting some sort of horrible noise they ally around the area.
always wondered how it was so easy for some people want to call music. Even better is when your mattress One of the few joys I have so far is the
to lie. I guess professors have to take training courses has holes in it and springs coming through. When I Ethernet. This wonderful thing has let me keep some
on that sort of thing. asked about getting a new one, I was told there are of my sanity by letting me video conference with
After wasting an entire day at "orientation" none. Another beautiful lie. If you look into the win- friends far away having much more fun.
and learning absolutely nothing, you have new stu- dows of what is supposed to be the Tabler cafe, you Even thought I'm complaining, I have had
dent orientation when you move into school. If you can see very dearly that there are piles and piles of some fun in this school. Largely it's been with my old
thought programming was bad, this is torture. brand new mattresses... our college dollars hard at friends from high school who are also here. Meeting
Useless lectures upon useless lecture about the same work. friends has riot been the easiest thing to do.
things they already told us at our first orientation ses- After a weekend of impossible sleep it's time Hopefully, as time goes on, I'll find my dasses more
sion. How many times do they need to remind us that for dass. But that's ok, because they are little more interesting, and I'll actually meet friendly people. For
we should get to know our professors? If all the anti- then nap time anyway! How sad is it when you are now, I'll just have to write to pass the time...

Page 12

George W. Mike Boombrost

By Ross Rosenfeld

why I want to continue with Mayor Giuliani's ative.

Yesterday, a most shocking revelation policies. I'm also for education." "This was a matter that was not on the
shook the nation, when it was discovered Asked what connection these matters Agenda," Vice-President Cheney noted, leading
through secret documents uncovered by The had, Mr Bloomberg said that he did not know, the well-wishers, "But it is one that we embrace.
Press, that Republicans George W. Bush (our un- but was sure that Mayor Giuliani had the It is a matter of family values, and we are the
elected defender of democracy) and Mike answer. Mr. Giuliani was unavailable for com- party that values family values."
Bloomberg (billionaire candidate for mayor of ,ment. Mr. Cheney then had to leave to
New York) are actually long-lost brothers. The "It's truly miraculous." said Psychiatrist recharge his heart.
documents, both of which The Press currently Sigmund Piaget, the originator of the Bush- How this will effect the mayoral election
has in its possession, were discovered between Bloomberg Brother Theory. "I had thought that is, as of yet, unclear, though President Bush did
the Kennedy Assassination and Alien Lifeform there were similarities, but the rest was pure offer his endorsement to. his new-found broth-
files of the Don't Go In Here cabinet at The speculation." he admits. er's campaign. "I support the candidacy of Mr.
National Hush-Hush Building in Washington, The connection between the two men Bloomberg," he stated, "or Mr. Bush, or Mr.
DC. They are undeniable. was first made by Piaget when he noticed that Bloomberg, if he prefers. - I support them both.
"The President was shocked," said a each man exemplified what psychiatrists com- And will continue to support them."
close Bush aide, "Completely shocked. He didn't monly refer to as "Idiotic Tendencies": the slur- Mr. Bloomberg welcomed the endorse-
understand how this could have happened - ring of words, the mispronunciation of names, ment graciously, and said that he was looking
even after we explained to him.what sex is." the fact that neither man seems to have read the forward to meeting with his new brother, the
"This is unbelievable," Mr. Bush noted, Constitution. "The similarities are remarkable," President, soon. When asked whether he would
speaking-out at a late-night press conference. Piaget noted, "Both men are Republicans, both go to the White House or wait for Mr. Bush to
"This is an unbelievable thing. But I believe that men are about the same height, with the same come to New York, Mr. Bloomberg replied, "I'm
leavable things are usually good things, and I color hair and eyes. Both men are dumb as door- from Boston."
believe that I'm good with this thing." knobs - the connection was obvious." The possible effect of a powerful Bush-
The President went on to cite the event Piaget eventually called The Press with Bloomberg alliance, meanwhile, has not escaped
as "serpendicatous," and added further that he his theory, and a covert operation was immedi- the minds of political analysts. "With both New
would work hard to "bridge the gap" between ately set up, led by the notorious Ross the Red. York and Texas in their corner," George Carville
himself and his new-found brother. "It was a matter of truth," The Red said, has observed, "The two could easily turn the
Mr. Bloomberg, meanwhile, who was "It had to be done." political tide their way and take the nation by
stopped and asked about the discovery while And so, bravely, with the truth as his storm. We could be dealing with these fellas for
campaigning in Manhatten, said that he felt that shield, the Red led a band of subversives into the a very long time to come."
a "quality of life crime" had been committed, but Hush-Hush building late that night, and recov- Scary. Very scary.
that it would not deter him from joining forces ered the lost documents. The Press will keep you updated.
with his new brother. "Eight years ago," Mr. "I couldn't believe it myself," said Russ
Bloomberg declared, "Rudy Giuliani said we Heller, Editor of The Press, "But the evidence was
don't have to have so much crime in the streets, there. It was undeniable."
we don't have to have so much violence - and he The Bush Administration, meanwhile,
stopped it. Now I have a new brother. That is set to welcoming the President's new-found rel-

By Adam Kearney

On September 7th in the Union Bi-Level at

. -.. te.nae,: ..
eight o'clock p.m., "The Future" did occur. As a
benefit for WUSB 90.1 FM, Radio Free Long Island,
"The Future Is Now Festival" included popular
"space rock" bands such as Encounter Box, Nano
Frog, Space Robot Scientists, Zia and Earthling.
The show, according to the flier, was sup-
posed to beginat eight o'clock sharp, but we were
not admitted until about a quarter to nine. This
was not a problem for me except for the fact that it
gave the bands less time to play and eventually
resulted in the last band on the list, Earthling, not
being able to go on stage. No explanations were
given for the delay.
The first band to perform was Encounter
Box. They were two guys, two microphones, syn-
thetic instruments, and intellectual rapping about
alienation in an assembly line society. One guy
who had dredlocks stayed onstage and spit some
hip lyrics while the other galloped around the
basement screaming into his wireless mike. He
eventually crawled under the stage and roared out
even more of his organ juices. My favorite part of
the performance was the mannequin they had n<
wrapped in electrical tape and hanging upside-
objects, such as hands, around it. These distur- The impression I
down at the front of the stage. It was totally unnec-
bances are received by an AM radio that is built had was that their instrumentals were not of this
essary, but a good effort at something.
into the unit and then they are amplified to pro- sphere. It appears that another new wave era is
Next on the lineup was Nano Frog. They
duce some very strange effects. Every american coming this time under the title of Space Rock and
are a creepy, trippy, electronic sounding band com-
must have one. The Scientists have three mem- when it starts to get the widespread appreciation it
posed of Joe, who does vocals while punching his
bers: Andre Bermudez, who plays lead guitar and deserves, I'm sure the Space Robot Scientists will
Roland JP2000 and 2Korg Electrog, Carol, who reli-
sings, Matt Dallow, who plays the keyboard plus be the definition of the sound.
giously chants lyrics while laying down beats from
the much esteemed theremin, and Sean Corkery, Zia was next to perform. Zia consists of
her drum machine and Maria who also uses a
.vho plays bass and does backup vocals. They are Elaine, Liz, and Matt from the Scientists. Elaine's
drum machine. This band has been together since
interesting characters as some excerpts from our been at it since '91, singing and twisting the knobs
'93 and like the others they originated on Long
interview will reveal. and dials of her guitar-. They sung of space and
Island. Carol and Maria appeared to be in some
They had a little metal robot guy with a self-destruction, but it was not until their equip-
sort of costume, with matching jeans and frilly
microphone as their mascot. Sean claimed it was ment failed and I watched them rush to get it back
shirts, while Joe wore blue jeans and a black
his sex slave and the only living being that under- online that I realized trhe true extent of their pro-
Guiness T-shirt. I'd rather see him in a solo act. He
stands him. Sarah Stuve and Jaime Mignone con- fessional talent and creativity. The sound they pro-
was once a student at Stony Brook and was excited
ducted this part of the interview. Andre and Matt duced from those strange machines cannot be
to be doing a benefit for the radio station. I never
were the original members from Commack, LI. replicated.
asked them what the hell a "nano frog" was and I
Sean, from Bayport, thought they were the best Earthling really got screwed. They came
don't regret it because I've found that it's a waste
band on Long Island and he "wanted to be able to all the way to the boondocks of Stony Brook to give
of time to ask stupid questions.
get on stage and rock-out with them, sweat a lot, us a show and not get paid and were cut off from
Space Robot Scientists kicked ass. I mean
and beat the shit out of my bass". They have been performing because of the late start and the unco-
the name says it all. They have the hi-tech attitude,
together for three years. When I asked Matt about operative building management who refused to let
the radio shack flavor, a theremin, a guitar and
the origins of his space robot style he told me how tie show continue after midnight. I had the
he would often chance to listen to their CD and give them an inter-
wear his lab coat view so that they can get a little exposure. They
I 7BA !I around town formed Earthling two years ago as an electronic
during his phase rock band. On the disk jacket was a list of their
as an "eccentric "alter-egos". George Reynolds, a.k.a. "Alexander
teenager". Sean Supertramp"is the lead singer. Tracy Jorg, a.k.a.
told us that "Tray.ling" is the female vocalist. Jon Ox, a.k.a.
"some times "Jonox" is the lead guitarist. Dave Case plays bass.
when I play, I Mike Liota, a.k.a. "dead mike" takes care of keys,
wear a suit made tables, and programming. Jay Robinson, a.k.a. "J-
entirely out of Booty" is the drummer.
duct tape. If it is Some songs sound like I have heard them
hot I don't wear before on K-Rock or MTV, but the male and female
it though, cuz it's vocals plus synthesizers and a new approach to
hot and made out song structure gives the band more of a futuristic
of duct tape." appeal. Songs deal with typical, post-teenage
They called their angst: drugs, love, and the meaning of life. They
style "aggressive will be playing a free show at Long Beach Skate
disco" and their Park on September 23 where there will also be
goal, in the skateboarding competitions.
words of Andre The Future Is Now Festival was a definite
i' "tn mkcl yrilt- success for the bands that performed and for Stony
songs that are actually fun to listen to. "What is a
-ing music that's different but not boring and Brook Radio, which will be playing their material
theremin?" you might ask yourself if you're any-
artsy." in the near future. All our gratitude goes to Dave
thing like my word processor. Well, it's only the
They played ICON last year here at Stony Kline who arranged the whole thing and is pro-
newest-in-new, do-it-yourself, super gadget that
Brook and they were at Warped Tour over the moting these bands as well as the station, 90.1 FM.
makes cool noises when you move your hands
summer. They say that they are not touring but Lastly, in regards to Space Rock, "Live Long And
around. It consists of one horizontal antenna and
they will be at CB's gallery on October 16th. For Prosper!"
one vertical antenna that produce an electromag-
more information about the band you can check

are almost complete

O hhh,
Syes my pre-
cious. We'll get
the nasty little
Bushous. Oh
yesss, my pre-
cious soon.

am I?

ge I

_ ·The
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Common -- -- --- -- ArisePar
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By Ross Rosenfeld

Hark, fellow students! Beware of rebels! Lord Kenny, in order to prevent damage This was a very difficult mission, for any
Subversives from the evil land of Sensibility have being done to his sacred reputation, made certain one of the common folk the two Gestapos visited
attempted to curtail the power of Lord Kenny to continually harass the Red and his compatriot in may have been familiar with the Constitution in
Nienhusser of Schick in the past weeks, forcing their Pro-Democracy efforts. Lord Kenny sent Sir theUS and therefore part of the Pro-Democracy,
him to take drastic measures to preserve his vast Rohan Griffin (previously of sniffing fame) and anti-idiocy Movement. Yet, the two lingered on,
seat of power. Sheriff Melissa after the culprits, but when these not resting until they felt that our Kellyian, Stony
These rebels are armed with intelligence efforts again proved unsuccessful, it was decided Brook way of life was safe from such Pro-
and are potentially very dangerous. If you should that King David himself should be called in. King Democracy freaks.
spot them, please, report them to the authorities David, in his haste, left withput chariot or guard, As of yet, Ross the Red and his crew are
immediately. King David Scarzella, the ruler of all appearing with only his pomp to distinguish him. still on the loose, and may in fact be continuing
Kellyland, was called in to fight the Rebellion, He confronted Ross the Red with an "Official with their Anti-Idiocy petition. If any of these peo-
and did in fact succeed in capturing the leader of Directive," which is directly official of his direction ple should confront you, be careful - signing onto
the Anti-Idiocy Movement, Ross the Red. But the as an official in an officially directive official man- their petition would be a clear exercise of
Red has evaded his captors, and is currently a ner (it's very official stuff). "Constitutional Rights" and obviously against Stony
fugitive on the run. The Official Directive was that the Red Brook standards. We must capture these insurgents
When last spotted, the Red (bandit that and his compatriot were to immediately cease in and put them behind bars where they belong.
he is!) was going around Schick College with a their attempts to establish a Pro-Derhocracy, Anti- Furthermore, it is my belief that Stony
red-hot petition in his hands, blatantly calling for Idiocy front through means of their peaceful peti- Brook has become too lenient. If "innocent," Pro-
a review of the great Lord Kenny's conduct. The tioning. The Red (defiant character that he is) Democracy freaks can run their rampant Freedom
petition was made up of paper and was uncon- refused the Official Directive,- citing and/or mak- Campaigns in our buildings and on our campus,
cealed, for the fugitive was presenting it to fellow ing references to the US Constitution, the then truly we are in a dangerous position.
students for them to sign. This was an exercise of Declaration of Independence and various other It is time then, I think, to strengthen our
the First Amendment of the Constitution, US, and rebellious, Anti-Kellyian documents. The King, borders, to build fences and guard towers around
therefore a complete and utter violation of Lord however, satisfied that his Official Directive had our territory, so as to prevent these Pro-Democracy
Kenny's policies. been officially directed, officially left the scene of freaks from entering our country from theUS.
Sheriff Melissa Chung discovered the the crime. These people represent freedom, democracy, and
violation and reported it to Lord Kenny, who Ross the Red and his accomplice, mean- sensibility, and must be stopped from deteriorat-
immediately took action. His Greatness, along while, continued to push forth, collecting signa- ing our school. Those already here should be
with the ever-faithful Sheriff, tracked the Red ture after signature from their fellow common folk. rounded-up and hanged, ridding us of such incor-
(accompanied by an unidentified accomplice) to a Drastic measures were needed, and so Lord Kenny, rigibles and acting as a warning to those looking to
location within the first floor of the Schick sharp as a spoon once again, brought forth his cross the border. I feel that this suggestion is rea-
College building, and demanded to know what gestapo force in the form of Sir Rohan and Sheriff sonable and just, and hope that my fellow students
was going on. The Red then further incriminated Chung. The two went knocking door to door, will join me in commanding it. Otherwise we run
himself by brandishing harsh terms in the face of demanding to know which common folk had the risk of letting Pro-Democracy, Anti-Idiocy peo-
such authority, claiming "rights" guaranteed by signed the petition and warning those who had ple take over the school, and then it'would be too
the " 1st Amendment" of the Constitution of not yet signed to avoid doing so, otherwise risk the late.
theUnited States. wrath of Lord Kenny and his subordinates.
_ _____ _~_
_ I___ __ __

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By Robert Wong Some


your thumbs and fore-

Some colleges have a rigorous screening fingers. The hand with
process for their applicants. Some colleges go to the "L" is the left one.
whatever lengths possible to assure that their Drive on the other side
campus contains only the brightest, most dedicat- of that hand. Glad I got
ed, hard-working and honest students. Some col- that cleared up.
leges have level-headed, industrious young stu- Cutting some
dents that do their degrees proud. Some colleges one off to get to a red
have student bodies full of intelligent students light does not help you
that truly define what "higher education" is sup- get to your destination
posed to be all about. any faster. This falls
SUNY Stony Brook is not one of those under the same category
colleges. Here's the thing about Stony Brook; I've of "accelerate to stop."
been around this school for a while now, and I've And while we're on the
come to one rather sweeping conclusion: everyone subject, when you go
in Stony Brook is an idiot, especially YOU. through the merge on
OK, just take a deep breath. The truth is the South Entrance, YOU
hard to swallow, I know, but admitting you have HAVE TO MERGE. . .
. . . . . . 1:20s'....
a problem is the first stop on the road to recov- Deciding at the last split
ery. second to slam the eas and
Here's a perfect example of what I'm zooming ahead of the twelve cars in front of you is (complicated, I know, but you'll get it eventual-
talking about. Just take a look at the way you not an option. ly...maybe...ah, who am I kidding). Drive on the
people drive. I mean, look at the way you drive Here's a note on dealing with pedestri- right. Jay-z does not equate to coolness. Merge
out of the parking lots (and I use the term "drive" ans: if someone is crossing in front of you, it's means merge. Don't act like you're going to hit
loosely). You slam the gas to pull out of the spot- generally considered a rude thing to inch up to people. By the way, before you go and accuse me of
without looking,mind you. You slam the gas to them as much as possible. If you really want to being hypocritical, let me point out, I practice exactly
get to the end of the aisle which is about 10 yards show what an idiot you are, use the gas and real- what I preach. I think I'm the only respectful person
away. Then you slam the gas to get to the stop ly make those walkers sweat. on campus (yes, I'm even respectful to you, even
sign. I repeat; you stop. I know I've gone over this before, but if though you don't deserve it). Not surprising though,
And by the way, geniuses, it's called a "stop sign" a bus is coming from the opposite direction and is that when I drive with people, they often get irri-
for a reason. The stop is not OPTIONAL. It's not puts up its stop sign, it means STOP. Not GO, as tated and tell me to drive more recklessly. Think
a suggestion, as you paragons of intellectualism you all think. Furthermore, if I'm in front of you about that one for a second. That's all for now, igno-
have surmised. Then you get on the road. First and I actually am stopped (which I always will ramiacs. Don't worry, I'll be back, sooner than
off, I should point out-and make a careful note of be; in fact, I'm the only one I know who has ever later, pointing out your latest acts of stupidity,
this: opening your windows and blasting "Big stopped at the bus stop sign, thus I use myself as recklessness, and general disregard for the well
Pimpin" loud enough to give Dowling students the example), please don't honk at me like a jack- being of humanity. Until next time, don't blame
nosebleeds DOES NOT MAKE YOU COOL. ass (which you inevitably will, because you are a me, blame yourselves...
I realize that the roads are very narrow, jackass). Even worse, don't cut out to the left and
but please, always remember: You drive on the cut in front of me. Yeah, you people really have
right side of the road. I can't stress that enough. respect for each other.
Wait, I forgot to whom I was speaking. Extend Allow me to reiterate: STOP at stop signs


061 ;S - - %I- -- M -
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the most to be in the triple for a month. Of

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humping wasn't an everyday thing it was


As a new fall semester starts many course, I ended up staying for an entire more like three times a week. Their humping
freshmen are enjoying the benefits of living semester in the triple. would shake my bed violently causing me to
in a triple. We once again have Shirley Strum My roommates seemed like good hold onto the bed railings in order not to fall
Kenny to thank for a massive influx of eager- people when I met them. They were for the six feet down face first. Eventually, after
beaver high school graduates. This is the most part. I really had no idea that they many perverse conversations on the topic, it
largest incoming freshman class yet. What would turn out to be such perverts and was agreed upon that there would be
President Kenny forgot to do is provide deviants. For anybody who hasn't lived in a absolutely no humping on the bunk below
enough housing for all of them. Many of Kelly room, or been in one the rooms are "L" me while I was lying on my bunk except in
these new students have to reside in triples. shaped and just about as small. The first day the rare instance that I would be invited to
The rooms that house these triples were not of check-in I arrived late. My roommates join the fun. In case you're wondering, I
built to hold three people. were already in the room with most of their never did get that invitation.
I myself have been a victim of Stony belongings unpacked. I took what was left to The five people in a room thing was
Brook's irresponsible booking policy. Last me; a dresser, half a closet, a fourth of a table really hard for me to deal with. Several times
fall I began my college career living in a and the top bunk. There was no space left for I came back from class only see one of the
triple. I had many concerns when I discov- my books or PC. Now I was set. I had the top girls still sleeping on the bed. There was
ered this. The RHD held a special meeting bunk that worked out pretty well. I am only very little room to move and very little pri-
just for triples to try to address some of these 6'1" so every time I sat up straight on my vacy. The other roommate didn't annoy me
issues. He began the meeting by giving us bed, I bumped my head on the ceiling. as much except that he was a fan of the
pome background on how this problem It gets interesting rather quickly liv- Backstreet Boys and thought it was best to
occurred and why we were stuck in this ing with two roommates, especially when play them at three in the morning as loud as
vicious mess. When he was asked how long their girlfriends decide to take up residence possible. You can imagine between the
our stay in the triple would be, his answer in the room. Why they wanted to sleep in the humping and the loud music it was tough to
was simple, anywhere from two weeks to the room was beyond me. Both of them lived get a little shuteye. My experience in a triple
whole semester. He then proceeded to say exactly eighty feet down the hall in non- pales in comparison to some of the horror
that it was not very likely that anybody in tripled rooms. stories I have heard. The best possible advice
the building was going to stay in a triple for To add to the already increasing I can give to someone who is living in a
the semester. The RHD and the RA's tried to madness my bunk buddy and his girlfriend triple is; learn to get along with your room-
make it up to us by treating us to cookies, decided that the most appropriate time for mates, give them room and if you have a
juice and free t-shirts. I came away from the them was copulate is when I was trying to problem get it out in the open and try to
meeting feeling a little relieved expecting at fall asleep directly four feet above them. The work it out right away, don't let it fester.
Page 17
From Fan Rov to Art Snob
by Glen "Squirrel" Given
My lifelong love of comic books began prised of XYY chromosome men shooting lasers printed on. Taking the bull by the horns, I con-
four years ago. That is to neither say that I had from various orifices -- although for all appear- fronted the author of the aforementioned fateful
never seen nor read the occasional Incredible ances that certainly is the case. letter. Out of either pity or condescension, he
Hulk in the years prior. But I certainly had not It was circa, winter, 1997 when I pub- gave me a list of the major milestones in the bat-
adopted the lifestyle of a voracious comic con- lished an article in the local alternative newspa- tle for comics as art. One week and a few hun-
sumer until my 2nd year at college. I would call per, The Stony Brook Press, vigorously railing dred more in the hole and I became the proud
my earliest forays into the medium of comic art against the mainstream comics while half-heart- owner of The Watchmen, The Dark Knight
a combination of passing fancy and Easter bas- edly defending those few titles that I believed Returns, Maus, Strangers in Paradise TPBs and
ket presents (my mother preferring gifts of a less redeemable. In that same issue an editor of the many other'such firm bound works. I began to
sugar-oriented nature for her ADHD child) paper had written a letter decrying my poor believe that this iteration of comics was the end
To make a long boring childhood short, taste in comics, undermining my entire diatribe all and be all, and as such I was crestfallen to
my comic affection began, as many an anecdotal by throwing names like Miller, Moore, find them, while certainly of a higher caliber,
adventure does, in my local bar. Being the bur- Spiegelman and the ilk around willy-nilly. My lacking.
geoning alcoholic that I was in my early college layman sense of comic elitism was summarily I felt a bit of the old ddjh vu when comic
years, I was a nightly patron of The Spot -- our deflated. bit me in the ass again.
on-campus, beer, music and Middle Eastern food The realization that I had been wading 1 year and a half (or so) later: I had a
mecca. And when you drop twenty or thirty through the artistic little leagues of the comic stack of funny books on my shelf, gathering dust
bucks a night on import beer, local indie rock medium was an ego killer. It dawned on me that and shooting down my "chances" with women. I
and hummus, you cannot help but get to know the absence of "other-than-superhero" comics caie to a few startling realizations. I was a poor
the staff. Critical in this story being the door- was, in part, because of my utter laziness in artist with a bad academic standing, few
man, Wilbur. Wilbur was an obstreperous, searching them out. As I should have known, the prospects career-wise; and a pretension that pre-
dreadlocked grad student with an encyclopedic most innovative and artistic of works within vented the "lowering" of my actions beneath my
knowledge of Marvel Comics - and a penchant comics, as in any media, were to be the most principles. The one capacity in which I saw no
for buggery. Brothers in libation, surly-ness and deeply hidden. Confronted, Wilbur confessed to ineptitude lied in my philosophical/artistic
fiercely held opinion, we soon found our numer- his knowledge of so-called "alternative" works; debate and theory. But the life of a critic is an
ous debates (re: screaming matches) turning to works where concepts alien to Mainstream unfulfilling one at best. After all, who can feel
the topic of comic books. American comics like "plot," "character develop- good about spending his or her waking life out
Soon enough Wilbur's appetite for ment," and "rationale" existed. He had chosen to assaulting someone else's art; a practice often
comics, still a mild amusement for me, rubbed keep these titles safely tucked away from our borne of jealousy and anger at ones own artistic
off. In turn, I felt the need to express my appre- debates as the limited playing field we had failure. It just reeks of bad karma. So it seemed
ciation for his transference of comic fervor in the employed allowed greater support to his pro- that the self-perpetuation of teaching
only way I knew how: a violent opposition to superhero opinions. Of course, I was livid. My Philosophy was to be my field. No harm no foul
any of his beliefs on the subject. We tossed off assertions, still largely uncluttered with the in this choice I rationalized. My only regret in
critiques of Marvels (DC to a lesser extent) crutches of proof or example, became increasing- this resignation being the burning hatred I felt
superhero titles as quickly as we tossed of empty ly cantankerous. towards Philosophy students.
bottle of Harps, Bass and Sierra Nevada Pale Rewind to 9th grade. As a latchkey kid If only there were some area to which I could
Ales. We found our conversations (re: barely with a miniscule social-circle, I spent a great por- apply my overbearing opinion that would not
intelligible drunk-talk) slowly but surely turning tion of my time exploring bookstores. On one bore me to tears. Hmm...
to a more philosophical discussion of the medi- such venture into the neighborhood In what must stand as the penultimate
um in general. Little did we know that we were Waldenbooks, I happened upon a collected edi- triteness of divine interventions in the history of
woefully under-prepared for such a debate. This tion of Ben Dunn's Ninja High School. In a divine interventions, I stumbled upon Scott
is ridiculously evident seeing as how Wilbur's puberty-fueled purchase I left with the book. I McCloud's Understanding Comics. The book
ammo consisted in his aforementioned omni- went through the requisite ogling of the anime struck me. "What better and more noble way to
science of all things Spider- and X- manned, and schoolgirls and over the top violence, but the spend my life than to vivisect a dying art form in
my larder filled predominately with intellectual epilogue stuck a note with me. Dunn relayed his it's last few years of life?" I asked. Sure. Yeah!
pretension and a 2.3 GPA in Media Studies. experiences with Japanese manga and the influ- Doing so would provide the justification and
It was borne out of a necessity for refer- ence that it had on his work and his view of evidence necessary to convince a Grad program
ence material that I first, seriously, shopped for comics in general. He painted a picture of a to enroll me; thereby paving my way into a life
comic books. Wilbur had turned me on to the country where comics were a respected medium, of academia. Perfect. Well, almost perfect.
near by mall and its numerous, inconvenient, one read by many segments of the populace and McCloud's book is impressive, but flawed, a
buses. Therein one could find the generic one that was not limited to the steroidal good first attempt at the formative theory of
comic/video-game store that crops up in most escapades of Freudian archetypes. I was not comic art. If you can take it (and especially its
suburban mall-scapes. Or were I feeling more of impressed at the time. Ever increasingly though, follow up Reinventing Comics) with a grain of
a discriminating taste I could finagle a friend to those pages began to creep back into my con- salt, separate the wheat from the chaff there is
drive me thirty minutes away to a neighboring sciousness and I, smitten with the possibility of something off which to build. My decision,
comic/collectable specialty shop run by creepy a new aesthetic elitism in which I could revel, much to my dismay, involved a re-rededication
40 year olds that bore a striking resemblance to traveled further and further in search of said to reading comics: a field that I knew had burned
"carnies". Armed with ample bus fare and an alternative comics. me before and looked to do so again.
inexhaustible well of gullibility in my friends I Of course it is a bit naive to assume that It has been a while since I devoted my
proceeded to fill my coffers with the comic manga held all the maturity and depth that free time to sacrificed my social life through bor-
equivalent of Charmin's famous toiletries., American Mainstream has forsaken. This fact ing diatribes on the operation of time in the
The source material for these early became increasingly evident as I digested page comic format and other such nerdish foolery.
debates consisted entirely of Mainstream after page and video after video of demon-
American (re: superhero, a connection angrily schoolgirl rapes, giant mecha showdowns and
rallied against by writers such as Warren Ellis) schoolgirl driven mecha facing down demons
books, ala Marvel, Image, DC, etc. What had hell-bent (no pun intended) on rape. Well, okay,
never entered our mind (or as I was later to find admittedly it is not as limited of a field as I make
out my mind) was that there even existed an it out to be, but I tend to exaggerate for dramat-
alternative to this lackluster lineup. Not know- ic emphasis. It was limited enough that by the
ing any better, I forked over a hundred or so dol- 10th grade I was feeling particularly let down by
lars each months on the spandex and the super- manga so I did what any young American would
powers. That is money that I will never get back. do in the face of disappointment and adversity: I
Gradually, very gradually, our discus- gave up on comics altogether.
sions were taking on such a nature as to clue me Thankfully, as I grew, I fulfilled my
into to the existence of alternative comics. Many grandparents curse on my parents and gained a
argue that had these discussions not taken place stubbornness beyond comprehension. Taken
over the keg and pint that this revelation would down a peg by a fellow comic book fans letter, I,
have come months earlier. It was naive to believe full of vim and vigor, dedicated myself anew to
that the comic market could be so wholly com- the discovery of comics worth the paper they are
Page 18
'Bob is Cool
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