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You Are More!
You Are More! Joyce Shafer
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No Limits EXTRA is published by No Limits For Me
CONTENTS Your Greatness is Unique Is Mainstream the Wrong Stream for You? The Challenge of Proof of vs. Faith in Infinite Abundance How do You Grade Your Worth and Self-Worth? Be True to You at Your Crossroads Point Do You Practice Self-Help Or Shelf-Help? How Do You Listen to Yourself? Enough About Money Lack Already! Does Gender Influence Prosperity? Boldness is Its Own Reward 5 Foundation Points of Self Mastery When You Are Ready For Your True Wealth Not Your Ordinary Sand Castle Are You Thinking or Processing? Do These Time Wasters Affect Your Life? Set Them Free How to Be the Experience You Wish to Have Man’s Economy vs. Spirit’s Economy
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach and Author in New York City. Visit her website Follow her at http://youaremoreempowermentcoach.blogspot.com/ and http://www.facebook.com/joyceshafer
Your Greatness is Unique
Your greatness is unique and reveals itself at the right time. You might as well be excellent until you're great. But first, understand what this means. What your greatness is will be unique, so it's a waste of time and energy to compare yourself to others. What your greatness is may appear small; but to those it matters to (especially you), it's anything but small or insignificant. Are the entertaining books of an author such as Janet Evanovich less great than the work of a heart surgeon? No; just different. I can tell you that the many episodes of toes-up laughter I experienced when I read her novel, "Plum Lovin'," did my heart, mind, and mood tremendous benefit. I'm grateful she discovered and lives her greatness in a way that lets me benefit from it. Do you have a green thumb that produces fruits, vegetables, or flowers that nurture others in a meaningful way for them? Do you have a gift for encouraging young children's minds and self-esteem? Are you a frustrated Thomas Edison type? A great quote of his is, "I had to succeed because I finally ran out of things that wouldn't work." That's passionate commitment! One thing is certain: Whatever greatness is, it always leads by example. There are numerous levels of examples, including the simple art of how to enjoy life (which so many struggle with) even if you never perform a heart transplant or write a best-seller. Maybe you haven't identified what you're great at yet. It's the thing you love most to do or feel most alive or fulfilled when you do it, no matter what form it takes in the world. And as with anything, you start at the beginning and expand, enhance, develop, and grow into your greatness. You don't start at the end result. Greatness, though, is not only about what you do, it's about who you are at your core of being. Do you seek to learn about and understand yourself and others? Do you deliberately nurture self-love and, therefore, love of others? Are you kind, compassionate, empathetic, friendly, of service in ways appropriate for you? Are you self-assessing and selfadjusting? Until you get clear or in alignment with your inner and outer greatness, be excellent; and please, avoid perfectionism (I have never met an easygoing perfectionist). Release the definition of excellence used by others
and aim for your personal best. Your personal best will be different from day to day. But you can ask yourself, "What would my best look like right now?" and "Do I feel I did the best I could at the time?" Greatness appears early for some and later in life for others. There are individuals who amass experiences or overcome challenges until the day arrives when they are clear about what their greatness is: that which they have head-and-heart alignment about and a passionate commitment for. If you feel you're not living your greatness at this time, ask: Am I building my skills so that I'll be ready when it's time? Do I know what I really want to do but hesitate because of what others might think? Am I waiting until it's too painful not to do it? Until you know what your greatness is, or choose it, explore what excellence means for you. You won't be bored.
Is Mainstream the Wrong Stream for You?
For many, mainstream is like a tailored suit; for some, it's like a straightjacket. Are you swimming in the wrong stream or against the current? Mainstream, in this writing, means demonstrating via your life, work, relationships, etc., an "acceptable" model or role model, as much as possible-a model that is allowed some leeway as long as it's a composite of descriptions provided by the various prevalent social, religious, and educational systems and models, as well as family and cultural descriptions or models. Stated simply, what you do and how you do it appeases the tribe and sub-tribes-which allows you to feel safe-considered worthy of inclusion by the tribe. It means you're more likely to receive rewards of approval and compensation. Be clear, please: there's nothing "wrong" with mainstream. It has its purpose. Mainstream provides a level of order so society's "mechanisms" work more often than not. It's a perfect fit for many. And, mainstream and non-mainstream each have their positive/negative aspects. Mainstream swimming is only problematic if you've always known it wasn't the right stream for you. You might try to swim in it, but it's like an obstacle course rather than a fulfilling journey or adventure. Swimming with a "fin" in each stream may be a better fit for you. Why is this important? If you're a more non-mainstream type, you may still be trying to fit in, so you do what the tribe and sub-tribes say you should in order to receive the rewards of approval, compensation, and the feeling you are safe. Feeling safe underlies your motivations. And, even if you have some periods of serenity or happiness and rewards, they're temporary and/or not as fulfilling as you desire. If you are contemplating the leap into a stream that fits-or if you've made the leap-unless you've dealt with your fears and contrasts about being comfortably mainstream vs. fits better in a different stream, you'll experience contrasts in your life, some of them huge. And, you may not
understand why they show up-repeatedly. You may even think it's because you're not worthy, not really unique, actually mainstream and just fooling yourself (or lazy, as some mainstreamers may have told you). This has huge implications if you're a person who knows you have to be an entrepreneur so you can follow your passion(s) as this relates to the services or products (solutions) you feel compelled to share with others (but apply this to any area of your life). How might this impact you? You may withhold rewards from yourself-because you're running a program that says being different deserves a penalty. Consider this: if you're non-mainstream and have experienced less-thanideal rewards or fulfillment while "playing" in mainstream land . . . 1) It needed to be this way so you could discover you're better suited to a different stream, one that allows you to be yourself-or you need to create a way to merge the two. 2) You may have been penalized because you didn't fit the mainstream model. This could include comments from anyone that states disapproval of you because you aren't making a "real effort" to fit the model someone wants you to fit. (Some of those people who disapproved are actually non-mainstreamers too afraid to leave that stream-sort of a "misery loves company" affect.) What's interesting about the second one above is that if you received disapproval for being non-mainstream (maybe even told you were a source of humiliation), it more than likely started when you were a child. AND, if your life isn't fulfilling now, it's more than likely you've continued to punish yourself, deny yourself rewards, disapprove of or criticize yourself-even into adulthood. Ahh . . . the great quandary: you are a unique individual and you found yourself in a playground where being too unique and not homogenous enough was not appreciated by the majority of your play mates. By the way, you can find or create your ideal playground. All this is interesting, but what are you supposed to do-that's the question, yes? I offer three approaches to those of you who have decided you're ready to be Uniquely You, as we're not all playing the same game. Life: I'm okay, you're okay; and I can choose to let go of what others
think and be my authentic self, from a place of personal integrity. And, I'm so focused on creating the life I choose, I don't direct my energy towards criticizing others. Law of Attraction: I match my vibrations to my ideal expression of self in every area of my life, and attract ideal people, events, and resources into my life. Quantum: I'm an infinite being (creative consciousness) having a human experience, which means I decided to see what it's like to feel the opposite-limited-until I decide to wake from this lucid dream and play differently. To do this, I created a playground with play mates who read the lines I gave/give them. I create (d) everything in this lucid dream I chose/choose to make sure I have this experience. I understand the true power is not in the scenery, not in the actors, not in the words, not in any material thing-not in the dream-but comes from me. I install the patterns into the quantum field, and I can appreciate what a brilliant job I did/do of making it feel real. As it feels appropriate, I reclaim energy from patterns I created, as they get my attention, and play differently. The crux of this is, it's more than likely your life experience isn't what you desire if you're punishing yourself (withholding rewards: approval, appreciation, monetary, success, etc.) for being You. Next time you aim at a target or goal and start to create the strategies and action steps to achieve or attain an outcome, check in with yourself to see if you're ready to receive the desired outcome or if a belief that you don't deserve it is rumbling around at a deep level. Use the approach, out of the three offered above, that resonates most for you to move this forward.
The Challenge of Proof of vs. Faith in Infinite Abundance
If you're not experiencing infinite abundance, there's a good reason it's not your "reality" yet. The reason relates to a riddle. The challenge is like the riddle: which came first, the chicken or the egg? In this case it's which comes first, measurable proof that you're infinitely abundant or faith that it's your natural state? The answer for both riddles is the same: the thought or idea of it comes first. We entangle ourselves with a "chicken and egg" cycle about infinite abundance. This is because we are so practiced at believing what we "see" that our ability to have True faith in our infinite abundance is affected by an underlying feeling, thought, belief of, "I'm not entirely sure my infinite abundance is real. As soon as I see proof of it, then I'll believe it. Then, I'll be able to feel it." One of the biggest obstacles involved is our strong emotional attachment to believing we must have an "acceptable" level of accumulation, verifiable numbers, and certain things or assets to prove to others that our success, value, and worth is measurable or measures up. This approach is reliant upon the opinions of others, not in faith that your infinite abundance is real, which is always an inner experience first. We feed the need for proof with our thoughts. Often these thoughts involve repetition of mental scenes we replay in our minds of how our life looks and feels in its limited form. Less imagery goes to seeing (and feeling) it as worthy of true appreciation and filled with potential and opportunities. Which of these do you "feed" most often? How you experience (feel about) your "reality" (aside from what it looks like) supports whatever you believe. Money and things never cause you to feel what it is you really want to feel-one with your infinite abundance and creative consciousness. However, the more you connect to feeling one with these, the more life takes on what you might call a magical feel to it; and money, people, opportunities, and things show up as ways to enhance your enjoyment of your human experience. As Shakespeare wrote, "The play's the thing." Physicist James A. Wheeler said, "There's no out there ‘out there'." The majority of us haven't integrated this fact into our experience as yet; but what this means is it's an illusion that money and things come to us from
"reality"-what we call the physical plane, which is actually a virtual reality that responds to what we imagine into it. Ernest Holmes wrote, "Nothing moves but mind." Whether you've followed a gut feeling, intuition, Law of Attraction technique, or any other tool or technique, the "smallest" example of having a desired outcome appear in your life demonstrates your infinite abundance and infinite creative consciousness (which are one in the same). Because of our attachment described four paragraphs above, unless an outcome is "significant" in the opinion of others then in our own, we continue to doubt it's True-despite the evidence. In the Infinite realm, size is irrelevant. Only in our limited perspective in the human game, does size have meaning. Every creation is a profoundly brilliant one because, "There's no out there ‘out there'." Every technique you use is a way to help you aim at the target: faith in and of the Truth. But it's never the technique that has the power; it's youas an infinite being having a human experience. "Nothing moves but mind." No technique will actually shift you from the limiting beliefs that require proof in your physical experience so that you can have faith; though a technique can lead you to right questions that will assist this. An inner shift has to happen within you. What will help you get there is to let this information incubate inside you, and allow right questions to come to you as you contemplate what this really means to you-until you feel the shift begin to happen. You might intellectualize your way into and through this process, if you choose to take it on, but eventually it will be the feeling of the Truth of it that begins to make a difference in how you experience every moment. You might apply this to money first, as it has such a strong emotional charge, but also relate this information to everything in your human experience. These are deeper questions than you might at first imagine, but What would have to happen in you for you to feel and know your infinite abundance is real prior to "external" proof? How would your thoughts and feelings change or need to? What is infinite abundance? Is it money and stuff, or is it a way of being?
How do You Grade Your Worth and Self-Worth?
Have you ever thought about how the way we're taught to measure worth and self-worth is similar to how we got tests graded in school? There is an interesting parallel. The school grades you received for tests measured, in a limited fashion: how well you took tests (often designed to be tricky), memorized, understood (or liked, from your side of things) what you were tested on, and-though more from your perspective than the system's-whether or not you believed you'd have a use for the information now or in the future (felt it was applicable to your life experience or goal). Whatever was being evaluated, your ability to conform was included, even though this measurement was subtle. There was little allowance or reward for thinking or performing "outside the box." Play by the rules to be rewarded; failure to follow or conform received a penalty. ("Outside the box" is where inventions, innovations, and masterpieces live.) What school grades didn't measure was the truth of your unique intelligence and how you express it, emotional intelligence, common sense, creativity, humor, self-learning or self-adjusting abilities-and they never, ever measured your worth (as a contributing member to life) or self-worth (priceless, as you're one of a kind). When you consider what wasn't measured, you can see the system was set up in a way that required you to adhere to limited and restricted criteria (rules of the game) in order to meet specific (limited and restricted) outcomes. It was never about who you really are, what you can do or flourish at or contribute, or your potential to expand at the inner and outer levels, as a unique individual. Also, remember how obvious the restriction of high school seemed once you graduated, especially if you went to college and could schedule the classes you really wanted and at the times you preferred? You could chew gum, get rewarded for creativity (usually), and do lots of other things you couldn't or didn't do in that more circumscribed environment. There's a similar system in place when it comes to worth and self-worth, especially in regard to money. Adhering to the system is what mucks with most people and holds them back from playing a better game, the one
where their worth and self-worth is a given, no matter what. You're taught that the number in your bank account or on your assets sheet is real and measures a particular "something" about your worth and self-worth. But, it doesn't. It only measures how well you play that particular game; how well you conform. You're taught you have to work certain ways, usually for an hourly or salaried wage; work an "acceptable" number of hours; and so on. Yet, we know people who do this differently and have fun and prosper. How do they get away with this? They play a different game-because they don't allow others to measure their true value. Let's presume you're a spiritual- or metaphysical-minded person. Maybe you're a Law of Attraction advocate (not necessary). If the number in your bank account is lower than you'd like, does that number reflect the Truth of You or does it reflect your belief in how your worth and self-worth is measured or should be-because others who adhere to "the game" told you it was so? If you believe the latter half of the last sentence above, how does this influence or impact your ability to believe in yourself? What does belief in self have to do with success (the way you define it for you) or your ability to have a fulfilling life? Look at biographies of some who've made a name for themselves in history. You'll see there are those whose school test scores measured them as average or below average. It's a good thing they didn't allow this to stop them. There's a chance that, if you're not doing as well as you'd like, you probably adhere to "outside" measurement standards that don't serve you. Whatever your life (or bank account) looks like now is a reflection of your trying to play by rules that don't fit you, especially if you know there's more to "reality" than what you see. Two opposing thoughts/ beliefs existing at the same moment, in the same space, cancel each other out. Maybe it's time you create your own game with its own rules-a game you win. One of the biggest wins you can have is to know your worth and self-worth, no matter the opinions of or rules set by others.
Be True to You at Your Crossroads Point
You may turn to family or friends for their thoughts and ideas. This is one tactic if you're looking to brainstorm for ideas, methods, and techniques to consider. Some who are well-meaning may say, "Let me tell you what you ought to do," or they use the dreaded word "should." When this happens, nod politely, but stay true to yourself. Crossroads are opportunities to aim at the target(s) that help you create your desired reality, even if it's just to do something different and you aren't quite sure what yet. That happens. Such times may cause anxiety; but that's usually because somewhere at the back of your mind or deep in your heart, you wonder, "Can I or should I really go for it?" If you have a dream and you share it with others, you risk hearing opinions that fall anywhere on the gradient between highly useful and not at all useful, depending on who you speak with. Nor can you let anything anyone says from their own perspective (and fears) cause you to question your worth or the worth of your dream or goal. Not everyone will feel excited about or share your enthusiasm, because it's your dream, after all, not theirs. Sometimes you have to amp up the power of your dream by staying silent about it until the right moment. And, you want to put your energy into taking action, not talking about taking action. One fear you may have is of (pardon the repetitions) coloring outside the lines or thinking and acting outside the box. But what if your unique way of doing something, or the way you'd like to but hesitate about, is exactly what some are waiting for? Here are some questions to ask when you're at a crossroads (answer them in order, and don't limit your answers with logic-be honest with yourself): • Who would you really like to interact with? This could be clients, customers, readers, team players, group members, etc; but who would your favorite "playmates" be? • Why them? • What about them or their lives will be different as a result of engaging with you? • What are the ways you might do this with or for them? Which of these ways really jazz you? Which one could you begin to develop and move forward on now?
You cannot live your life trying to mold yourself to opinions or expectations of others. They may be happy if you do, but you'll be miserable. A dialogue line in a movie called "The Movie Hero" is, "...you can either die trying or die wishing you had." Of course, you can succeed while you live. It's also a success to go for your dream, whatever the outcome. Better to say, "I gave it all I had (and enjoyed every second)," than, "I never gave myself the chance." It's best to ignore anyone who believes you can't get there from here. There's always a way whether it's a metaphorical jet, boat, car, or your feet. If you have a dream, don't just wish it, intend it. Commit, be flexible, and stay true to yourself.
Do You Practice Self-Help Or Shelf-Help?
We all have things in our lives we move forward on with no problem, others we drag our feet about, and those we hesitate to or never take the first step towards. It's beneficial not to judge our process, but assess it and our outcomes often; it is imperative we participate in it willingly. I spoke with a man who doesn't like his job (six-figure income) or his life. For him, surface stuff has changed over the last several years, but not much else. In fact, he said he felt his best option was to keep doing what he does every day and wait for death. He's two years younger than I am. Imagine shelving all other options, at any age, especially those that bring joy and fulfillment, and choosing the one he says he has. He mentioned he frequents a large bookstore near his apartment. I didn't ask him what types of books he buys, but I know what kind he doesn't: books about career guidance, guides to discover what he really enjoys and is good at, or any involving self-empowerment or metaphysics. Every day, he expects the "same old, same old" (which he "receives"), and to feel better based on outer events only. It isn't that he buys books that can help him, but puts them on the shelf; he's put himself and his possibilities on the shelf. It isn't always comfortable to accept that if you don't like something about your outer life, you must look at your inner life-the stories you repeat to yourself and so on. Neville Goddard said, "Assumptions harden into facts." Often, you have to take a chisel to such "facts;" and getting to what's underneath can take time. The time matter gets in the way for many. Then, there's the really tricky part: intellectualizing something means you know it; actualizing something involves being it. That's not always an easy path to travel, because at some point you not only have a "foot in both worlds," but also your consciousness. You have to engage with the tribe, though you don't share the tribal mentality. And, you have to find a way to reconcile this into your experience. When you really want to improve something, you have to keep going. You have to go at it until you reach the point where you're ready to expand even more. If you feel challenged, it's important to accept this as
part of the process. Many old beliefs and assumptions beg to be challenged. They "ripen" over time so you'll pluck them from the tree of your life and turn them into something sweeter. The biggest challenge seems to be patience. We want a quick fix. Sometimes that's feasible, sometimes it isn't. Anything worth having is worth what it takes to achieve or attain it, particularly when it comes to creating the life experiences you wish. Defining your authentic self, if it's been hidden under layers for a lifetime, takes time, diligence, and a "chisel" called passionate commitment. You can flow with a book or program then find parts of it don't do it for you or don't fit. You're able to discern what's right for you. You know when a book or service resonates with you. If you completely agree with the material, but it challenges you to your core, it's likely a process you should go the distance with, no matter how long or what it takes. What can help you decide on a book, service, or path is your why: why you want what you say you do. If you find information you know will assist you but you feel challenged, allow your why to fuel your motivation to keep going. Take your potential off the shelf and open it into your life.
How Do You Listen to Yourself?
I had dinner with a friend I hadn't seen in a long while. As he told me about things that were different, it was easy to hear that he and his beliefs were pretty much the same, which means his experiences haven't changed much. He still looks for solutions to his discontent about his life to come from outside himself. My mantra is, "To find the right answer, seek the right question." As we spoke, I mentioned this to him. "I ask questions," he responded. "Yes, but you don't stop talking to yourself long enough to 'hear' an answer," I replied. He does what many of us do to different degrees: he mulls over what he doesn't like about his life repeatedly. Little attention goes to possible solutions. And, little attention goes towards shifting beliefs at the inner level to attract or affect a shift at the outer level. Patience is a factor. How often have you felt unhappy, discontent, or something even stronger about a situation or aspect of your life? When did you want it to shift? Yesterday, right? If you do ask for an answer, or even for the right question, you want it now. However, the quicker you get out of the way, the quicker you get an answer. What you need comes to you more easily if you ask, expect, and let go of those tricksters Who, What, How, When, and Where. It isn't that you have to still your mind, you can think about other things; but you can't dwell on what you want to shift. Why? Opposing thoughts cannot occupy the same space. Here's a real secret: As long as you judge something or believe it needs to be fixed or changed, you, in effect, glue it down as your experience. This isn't just an aspect of Law of Attraction it's physical. Every time you replay thoughts and patterns in your mind, you create pathways or ruts, if you will, in your brain. This pathway becomes the path of least resistance whenever you're triggered. You can become so entrenched in behavior patterns, you don't even consider that there's another way to think, feel, or act. Nor, that you can choose to do these differently. Create a pathway that allows for shift to happen.
My friend went on to tell me about certain things he'd like to change, but that guilt feelings stop him from moving forward. Then, he began to justify why he shouldn't feel guilty about making these changes. I suggested that he look for the right question(s) to ask about the guilt. If he explores and discovers the root cause of this feeling, I'm certain solutions based in head-and-heart alignment will come to him. As long as guilt or fear of feeling guilt about taking care of his best interests is what drives him, desired outcomes and how he can attain them will continue to elude him. If you've been seeking a solution or answer, take a day or three off from chatting about it in your head or with others. Give it an appointment on your calendar three days from now. If repetitious negative thoughts try to intrude, tell them they aren't scheduled for further consideration untiland, state the date. Also, don't let the other trickster in: telling yourself you're confused. You may not have a plan or strategy as yet, but most confused feelings are really about resistance to doing what you know needs to be done. The first step is to agree to allow a shift at the inner level. A good way to discover what this will look like for you is to let go of resisting what is so you can see possibilities. You don't have to like what is, but as the saying goes, "Whatever you resist, persists." When you seek an answer, ask for it; then, listen to the sound of silence within. Your inner voice is polite (and patient). If you're doing all the talking, it won't interrupt.
Enough About Money Lack Already!
It was with the best intentions one of my newsletter subscribers forwarded an offer from one of the big names, in the event I wanted to include it in the next issue. I looked at the offer and felt it again, that niggling feeling I get when such emails pop into my inbox: something is off about this. It isn't that there's anything wrong with the teacher/mentor/guru who's offering it; he's remarkable, just as others of his ilk are. But for months now, an inner-level twitch happens for me when I see these advertisements. There seems to be a flaw, like a coin where one side is the approach being used and the other side being the motivation of the potential users of the products and services offered. The flaw is embedded in the statement so often repeated: You get more of what you focus on. This is usually attached to Law of Attraction information, but it also applies if you keep repeating/replaying the same thoughts, feelings, and actions. Albert Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." It's not that we're insane, but you get the point. If we in the self-help field are committed to assist others to self-empower, why is it so many of our emails continue to address lack? Well, if you've ever studied marketing or copywriting, you're told you "hook" people if you go right to what pains them most. Kudos to Mike Litman who sent out an email recently that asked individuals if they still had the 1988 mindset about how to do business. He suggested a book that's supposed to encourage people to think and act as the author believes will be necessary in 2010. I'm eager to read the book; and though Mike didn't elaborate, I wonder if the new mindset discourages the old way and encourages copywriters to address people's strengths or, at least, the ones they wish to enhance, but not from the "pain" perspective. The twitch I felt was from the fact the language used in the email ads reminds individuals regularly that they feel they lack. Isn't this exactly what we're telling people NOT to do, in order to move forward? People in the self-help industry (this includes me) get excited about their products and services, and there's good reason to offer them: we believe they can make a difference. But be honest with yourself: How many
books, programs, etc., have you gone through about, say, money (innerand outer-level issues) in the last five or even ten years? Are you still looking for that One, the one that will Finally make a difference? Have you asked yourself why the shift you crave hasn't happened yet? As long as you focus on fixing what you perceive or believe you lack, you are still investing your time and energy (and, yes, money) into the lack of it. You may appear to be or believe you're being pro-active; but you're turning in circles because your shoe is still nailed to the floor. Maybe it's time to take your foot out of the shoe. It's not all on the people advertising, though. Individuals turning to this information, as well as to information that promises a system that returns major income practically overnight, are taking action out of fear rather than out of purpose. What causes this? They lack direction and strategy. There seems to be two basic mindsets in seekers: Some seekers desire one or more ways that bring in the big bucks through automated systems that require little of them; others believe if they can just discover their life purpose, everything will change. What both have in common is an understandable desire to ease and eliminate pain, pain they believe stems from a negative financial situation. The negative financial situation is an inconvenient effect; the real pain is caused by something else. If you're a seeker in the first category, ask yourself if what worked for the vendor, what they offer, is something you feel passionate commitment about; is it something that is meaningful to you. What you really want is a similar outcome and feeling, but as a result of doing something appropriate for you. You want to do something that addresses your Why: why do I feel strongly about doing this? If your only answer is, "So I can get rid of my pain about my money situation," that's not enough. You may have discovered this particular motivation almost never works; or if it does, it doesn't have longevity. If you are drawn to wealth-building emails, do you have wealth to build or even to invest in this strategy and to maintain it? Are you drawn to these types of offers because they're fun for you? Does it make sense that this is the place for you to start? However, there is a difference in using these types of systems if they, and playing at increasing income from different revenue streams, is genuinely fun for you. This latter one has no pain energy attached to it. The motivation is pain-free.
If you're a seeker in the second category, do you believe there's One Life Purpose for you; and if you could just discover what it is, everything would change? This more often than not refers to the question, "What should I be doing?" People not stuck in this place ask, "What would I love to do next?" It reminds me of how if you desire your dream house or car (or anything), it's not about having what you say you want, it's really about having the feeling you want. Wouldn't it be ironic if your life purpose is to do what allows you to feel the way you desire, no matter how many times you change or adjust what you do? To discover the feelings you wish to feel, and explore what makes this happen? Here's a brief coaching exercise for you, if you fit into either group: Take several moments to envision what you would like your ideal future to be like. You may imagine where you live, what your home looks like, and such other details. That will make this exercise more interesting; but even more important, what are you doing in your life? How do you feel about yourself in this ideal life? Now here's the question: If you remove any thoughts about what you believe limits you now, especially money, what's different "then" from "now?" What stops you from living an aspect of your imagined future starting now, even if you start at the inner level? This exercise is an entry into asking yourself right questions that help you pick a direction you feel a passionate commitment to follow at this time. If you know where you want to go, you can start to figure out how to get there. You can also better recognize a "detour" when you see one. Ask yourself who you know yourself to be; what you love and enjoy doing that you're good at; what you feel has meaning for you; what it might look like (no limits; allow your imagination to play); who you'd like to do this with; how, where, and how often you wish to be engaged in this way. If you knew where you wanted to go, had a strategy, and applied your energy to your strategy, where might you be in a month, six months, or a year? With a direction and a basic strategy in mind, you can begin to pick and choose from emails in your inbox, which one(s) address a step in your strategy. It's helpful if you recognize that there likely isn't One Perfect Gizmo that creates a total shift and eliminates all challenges from your life. A better goal is to learn how "reality" works so you can manage it more than it manages you; and to realize this is a lifetime process. Follow your curiosity and sign up to receive emails, newsletters, audios,
videos, and downloads that appeal to you. Give them only enough time and energy to determine if they address a step in your strategy; and yes, your strategy can certainly address your inner self, as well as your outer life simultaneously. If what's offered is ahead of what you are currently focused on improving, save it in a folder for when the time is right. You'll realize which emails provide what you truly need to reach your destination and which don't. Opt-out of the ones that don't serve you so you don't clutter your inbox or your focus. Are you beginning to perceive how having a direction provides a strategy; and how having a strategy keeps you focused and aimed at your target? If your energy is going into something you love and is meaningful and even fun for you, something you share with others, you can leave behind confusion and illusion. You no longer seek to find The Way that gets you into the game, you're in the game.
Does Gender Influence Prosperity?
Ellie Drake of BraveHeartWomen and Dr. Sugar Singleton hosted a teleconference that was as riveting as informative in its explanation of what they call the prosperity hormones of men and women. More information will be offered here, but one of the most obvious means to see and feel this difference is to compare marketing pieces you receive from men and from women. It's likely the "standard" masculine approach will either state or imply that what's offered will crush the competition and explode income. Lacking a better example, but perhaps using softer language, many women basically copy such an approach. Because of our neurochemistry, men and women will literally experience this type of marketing message in their bodies, but not in the same way. Many women read or hear this masculine approach, believe it's the "only" way to succeed (it works for men, after all), but don't like how it makes them feel; and for good reason. The program hosts said what adversely affects women's prosperity attraction quotient is that prosperity scripts have been written by men, which means they're not in harmony with the feminine. Therefore, such scripts are distorted for women. This creates inconsistency in attraction of prosperity, fatigue, hopelessness, lack of self-confidence, interrupted belief in the self and capabilities, and more. They listed four types of feminine prosperity seekers. 1. Women who follow the masculine model. Some women manage this better than others. However, the stress of doing this affects the body of any woman who follows this path, whether to a lesser or greater degree. 2. Some women are more "softly" feminine; they lack boldness. Drake said it's what Carolyn Myss calls the "shadow," meaning these women exist mostly in spirit rather than with a balance between spirit and matter. An interesting aspect is they believe prosperity is one-sided, which means they tend to balk when asked to pay (exchange) in order to receive. (Perhaps this is because they feel so powerless in the absence of a feminine prosperity model, which means they don't have the prosperity they desire; it's like a leak in their container they don't know how to fix, so they focus solely on refilling the container.) 3. Some are confused because they know the masculine model is not for
them, but they lack a feminine model. They start and stop. They can't figure out how to tap into the right neurochemistry and neurophysiology, and this creates stress in all areas of their lives. 4. These women have figured out how to operate their lives (and businesses) in ways appropriate for them and in harmony with their feminine energy. (Ellie Drake does this. So does Sharon Wilson, founder of Coaching From Spirit, who teaches spiritualpreneurs of both genders how to create their own ideal marketing and business models.) So, what are these hormones? Adrenaline is the masculine hormone. It's the fight-or-flight chemical; and the hosts said men tend to choose "fight." This chemical helps men conquer whatever they're after or working against or for. It's the survivalof-the-fittest chemical. It drives and supports their efforts to compete. Men bond through competition, women don't. The repetitive rush of adrenaline in the body works for men, but not for women. In a woman's body, the repeated release of this hormone causes stress, exhaustion, illness, abdominal fat storage and hampers the body's overall ability to lose the weight it gains, as well as loss of focus, confidence, and sex drive. It wears her out, burns her out, on all levels. (Note: a serious adrenaline imbalance can create the same symptoms in a man's body.) This adrenaline model is the basis of the masculine prosperity script. Women who follow this script, sooner or later, find their neurochemistry pushed; and the result is the emergence of the "Bitch." The Bitch surfaces because she's attempting to go against her nature (our bodies physically, outwardly reflect what's going on at the inner level). Body chemistry gets out of balance; and the stressed-out, exhausted, frustrated woman becomes critical, judgmental, and often loudly vocal. A man who behaves this way is considered by some to be one of the boys, admired for knowing how to get what he wants; not so for a woman. The feminine prosperity hormone is oxytocin. This chemical inspires a woman's bonding mechanism with her partner (released during sex, and especially orgasm), with her children (released during labor; causes uterine contractions), and during times when other forms of bonding occur. It allows women to relax. It's known as the cuddle hormone. Women love how they feel when this chemical flows through their bodies, men love the adrenaline rush. Oxytocin is released in a man's body, but testosterone negates it to a great degree in men. Adrenaline is
an estrogen antagonist for women and blocks the release of oxytocin. When adrenaline is released in a woman's body, she doesn't feel good; when released in a man's body, he feels enlivened. The hosts explained that a woman who attempts to express herself using the masculine adrenaline-based model finds her maternal and bonding abilities hampered. A woman wants to give birth to her purpose, to "nest" it, and to bond through like-mindedness so that a cooperative community is created. Oxytocin supports a woman's innate maternal courage to stay consistent about what's needed to help her baby, or her vision, grow. A woman whose oxytocin release is blocked struggles to create what she desires. Her consistency slips away; she feels unable to see things through. There is no pill or injection that can address this. Just as learning creates pathways in the brain, it isn't just the chemical release of oxytocin that supports a woman wholly, but the physiological connections and pathways created by the holistic process. This chemical relationship is so sensitive that even the use of masculine affirmations, rather than feminine, can hamper a woman. Women who want to know more can do so if they become BraveHeartWomen core members. Whether you're a man or woman reading this, give this information consideration. Look at the areas of your life and ask yourself how this applies to you and your personal and professional relationships. Whatever your gender, what one thing can you do differently, starting today?
Boldness is Its Own Reward
The dictionary offers several meanings for the word bold, not all of them nice. One of its definitions is fearless. There's a difference between boldness and courage: courage means taking action even if you're fearful. I think it's a mistake to believe you have to be either bold or courageous one hundred percent of the time, in the sense most people think of them. Do you know anyone who's like that? Are you absolutely certain it's all the time? Frankly, I think I'm courageous more often than bold. I know people who are typically bold and I'm not like them. These people tend to say whatever they think more often than not; and they don't usually pause to wonder if they should. They say yes more often than not; they take risks. Some of these risks are ones I'd consider or would do and others aren't. They're not overly concerned about what other people think about them, or, at least, that's how it appears; but I know for a fact they care to some degree. They just don't let what someone else might or does think stop them if there's something they really want to do. They are often readyfire-aim types. I possess some of their traits, but that kind of forceful personality is not who I am. It's not my nature. Over time, I've taught myself to shift from waiting until everything is "perfect" before moving forward, but I'm still a ready-aim-fire type. Perfection is a belief and an illusion, and it's just not fun. Neither is standing still or stagnating. "I would rather be loathed for who I am, than loved for who I am not." Wayne Dyer Who you are is who you are. You may decide to tweak, color outside the lines, step outside the box, or whatever catchy line will help you do something different; but if you seek to do something in a way that's not in alignment with your nature, or you don't have head-and-heart alignment about it, you won't have the experience you hope to. Life really isn't just about the outcomes; it really is about how we experience the path we travel to get where we want or think we want to go. When you feel compelled to change something about your life or
business, you might look for a guru who has a formula. It works for them, doesn't it? What if you're not like them? How well will their formula fit you? Is it flexible enough so you can make it fit? If you're uncomfortable enough to want to change or shift or create something new, don't you want it to fit you well? Do you want it to be more work or more fun? When you know what you really want and how to create it as a good fit, your version of boldness will be organic and natural for you. You won't be doing anything that is an unnatural risk; every action you take will be a piece of your tailor-made jigsaw puzzle.
5 Foundation Points of Self Mastery
1. Mental Discipline: Thought management. Do you manage your thoughts or do they manage you? You don't need to make this hard work you just need to pay attention to how your thoughts happen and what you do about them. When negative thoughts start to play or replay in your mind, what technique do you engage to manage and use them for your benefit? It may help you to distinguish thought categories such as those that really do need your attention and reruns that need to be replaced with new tapes. Quick Shift Tip: Focus on what you want (outer target) and want to feel (inner target). Ask yourself what you might do to move these forward. Do it or them. 2. Emotions Management: Do you use or abuse these, or use them for self-abuse? Emotions are one of the greatest gifts we have. Most of us feel untrained at how to use them wisely, though. You can decide what this wise use would be for you; but, emotions are like neon signs flashing the message, "Important stuff here! Ask right questions!" What emotions are not meant to be used for is to manipulate others nor to beat up or even torture yourself mentally with. Quick Shift Tip: Rather than berate yourself when you feel emotional, ask, "What's in this for me? What wants to be adjusted?" 3. Vision Clarity: A clear target. A target can be unclear because you're not sure where you're supposed to aim (you haven't picked a target). It can be unclear because of how you "see" (perceive) circumstances, as though you're nearsighted and not using glasses or contacts when you aim at the bulls-eye. There are numerous methods available to help you with this one. Find one and use it. Quick Shift Tip: Write or type a) What you don't want; b) What you don't want to feel; c) What you do want; d) What you do want to feel. Know that when you land on a target that makes you feel enlivened, even if you don't know all the steps to hit it, you've got clarity. This is valid for what you want to experience and how you want to feel. 4. Focused Attention: The shortest distance between two points is . . . yup, always a straight line. Once you know what your target is you can skip taking detours, unless you really want to take them. If you're working on something and your focus keeps shifting, ask what needs your
attention most at that moment then give it so you don't enter the negative loop of flipping between real action and thought activity. You might also want to ask how passionate you feel about what you're working on. Can you find a way to feel this or more of it? Can you create a fun challenge for yourself about it? Quick Shift Tip: Ask, "Does this thought, word, action, person, event, or moment move me toward or away from my target? Extra Tip: Keep a sheet of paper handy to jot down briefly, inspired ideas that pop up, knowing you will give them attention at a more appropriate time. 5. Passionate Commitment: What's your why? Why this, why now, who are you doing it for? Not including the times when you're doing things that will benefit others because you have head-and-heart alignment about doing so, ask if there's anything you're doing because someone expects it of you and you're really not on board. Also, if there's something you've always dreamed of doing, ask yourself the Why questions. This helps you clarify whether it's a This Would be Nice or I'm So Intentional about This, I'm going to do It No Matter What or How Long It Takes. See the difference? Quick Shift Tip: Make a list of things you do and check in on how strong your Why is for doing them. This can be a great stress and time management tool. Whatever you're trying to do or master, these five points need to be included underneath anything else. They're the cake and the rest is the icing.
When You Are Ready For Your True Wealth
You may have moved through your life thinking you knew exactly who you were based on your points of origin: geographic location, economic status of your family or guardians, cultural and/or religious beliefs, and so on. You may have believed you knew how the real world works based on what you were told by everyone who had any influence in your life. And, you may have believed them and acted in ways to prove them right. But if you were ready for your inheritance, something inside you kept nagging, kept asking, "Is this all there is?"... because you felt at your core there was more. The film The Secret arrived on the scene preceded and followed by numerous writings, films, and teaching programs based on Universal Laws. After all the excitement that lasted a while, came the headlines proclaiming the flaws in The Secret and the hidden Laws; and you were, and are, spoiled with opportunities to discover the missing bits, keys, or pieces that can help you. If you were new to this information (and even not so new), you may have quickly felt frustrated because you believed if you did this and that, everything would change. Let's be clear: you believed your external life would change, and you wanted it to so you could feel the way you want to feel. What happens in your external life is not your true inheritance or wealth. Who you truly are as a creative power is. The biggest reason anyone bumps into frustration and challenges with this information is because to really get it and get it going, they are required to recognize the truth, which means most, if not all, of what they believe about reality has to be recognized for what it is. The truth of their involvement has to be accepted and managed with conscious awareness. There is a learning curve involved, to gain wisdom. This wisdom leads to humility (and true joy) when you understand the bigger picture, the role you and others play in helping you create experiences, and the overall effect of positive and negative judgment on experiences. You learn to be generous at allowing others to discover their True Wealth in their own
time and ways. You learn to be gentle with yourself and others. You learn how you play and how to play. To fully inherit your true wealth, you have to stop believing in the illusion; you have to develop your personalized techniques to step-by-step train yourself to manage your powerful creative energy; and you have to completely own your creative power. True wealth comes with the responsibility of self-management, understanding how things work so you expand and enhance rather than stagnate or decline. You have to pay attention to energy and dynamics. You have to act with deliberation and deliberately. You have to appreciate this gift, this Truth, from a new level of awareness. Any shifts in your external experiences must start in your inner experience by facing the truth and all its implications: "There is no spoon." Are you ready for that? ["There is no spoon," is one of the best lines in the Matrix movies. If you haven't seen the first film in the trilogy, you may wish to rent it.]
Not Your Ordinary Sand Castle
Morning stretched itself awake as I made my way down to the shore and joined the handful of early risers. Lacy edges of waves lapped gently over my feet and I scrunched my toes in warm sand. Good time to build a sand castle. It was modest—done mostly for relaxation and meditation. Not a thing anyone would pause to admire. After I finished the basic shape, I began to decorate the form with shells. A boy about eight years of age walked up and began to kick at the castle. What was in his mind for him to do such a thing? What happened next happened quickly. I held out my hand filled with shells and said, “Here. Help me put these on.” He stopped kicking, looked at me for several seconds, then took the shells and began to place them on the castle. We decorated in comfortable silence. “I’m out of shells,” he said after several minutes. “Get more,” I replied. He did, giving some to me. After a while, another little boy came along and started to kick the castle. My little boy started to fight him. I said, “Give him some shells.” The new boy worked with us for a couple of minutes then left. When the entire exterior was covered in shells and shell fragments, we stepped back to look at our work. “We did a good job,” I said, “Thank you.” He looked at me, looked at the castle, said it was time for him to go —and he left. I watched for a while as he walked away and wondered how long our sand castle would remain in tact; then, I left for the day. Early the next morning, I went down to the site. The shell-adorned castle, remarkably, had been allowed to just be. It was evident that only nature had touched it with its tide. Thoughts about this moment in time with the little boy wove in and out of my consciousness that day. He must have been surprised when I didn’t yell at him to stop his kicking, or take even more aggressive action towards him. It certainly surprised me when I felt inspired to suggest he join me. Yes, I extended my hand to him, but he chose to invest his time and energy into his ornamental efforts and then felt a need to protect the creation when someone sought to destroy it. I realized that perhaps for human consciousness, Investment equals Connection. I realized how
different life might be if we assumed our connection first. Investment in each other and our world would be automatic. As I gave this moment on the beach even more consideration, I thought that if we don’t feel or perceive our connection to something or someone, it’s easy to either not care about it or them, or to destroy without thought or awareness. I accept what quantum physics reveals to us: all in existence is comprised of the same energy that is everywhere in the universe. The only separation is, ultimately, in our minds. Quantum physics reveals that after we peel away all layers of manifestation, absolutely nothing is there. Nothing but the consciousness in all things— our shared consciousness, I would add—and the potential for manifestation. Whether we call that consciousness the Creator or we call it Pudding doesn’t matter. It’s real. It’s who we are. We just haven’t fully understood that yet. I wonder if that moment is one the boy, who would be a young adult now, remembers—if it had any influence in his life. That moment is still a golden thread in my life’s tapestry. It was a lovely, peaceful solution. It was a moment of loving kindness towards a stranger who would become a momentary friend. I realize that when someone gives me a challenge, if appropriate, I can offer them some “shells.” If I, and others, practice peaceful solutions with smaller challenges, we may one day seek to find peaceful ways to deal with the really big ones. And, isn’t that what love would do?
Are You Thinking or Processing?
Surely, the mental energy you’re giving current (or old) issues is accomplishing something, right? It depends on if you’re thinking or processing. You, too, may appreciate this exchange between Bob Proctor and Leslie Householder when they met, before she wrote her first book that became a best-seller. He told her she was fairly balanced between right and left brain but was more of a creative type. She disagreed and informed him she was a math major, analytical, that she constantly thought about her life and everything (always in thinking mode). She admitted she was a processor. (Processing is when you hash out data and details, real and imaginary, whether to others or to yourself—more than once . . . often WAY more than once.) Bob responded: “You’re not thinking. You’re mind is busy; but you’re not thinking.” Leslie said she, first, wondered if she’d just been insulted and went on to process his comment for a year. She then explained the difference: “When you THINK, you create a NEW idea.” A new idea. Not a rehashed old one. New means you’ve never thought of this particular “something” or thought of it in quite this way, or had this idea or seen it in this new light. Leslie added that Bob knew her tendency to process instead of think was what prevented her desired positive changes from happening. Shifting this can be a real challenge because your mind may be well practiced to replay and replay and replay—either what happened, how it might have gone (but didn’t), a worse-case scenario, moments from the past, conversations you’ve had or wish you’d had or plan to have . . . and in all that thought movement, you never once focus on a new way to approach the issue or allow in an original idea. You might also replay core beliefs and contrasts at the same time you strive to affirm new ones. Your conscious mind may affirm: I attract/ match my vibration with abundance. Your subconscious hears you, says okay, and starts this in progress. Then your conscious mind reminds your subconscious core about deep-level programs running—evidenced by
what you’ve experienced (your experiences prove “something,” don’t they?)—and says things like, “But, I don’t see it. I want it yesterday. How long do I have to wait?! I never have original ideas. EVERYTHING IS A STRUGGLE!” You begin to process, based on your five senses—and past, which leads you to charge these thoughts with LOTS of emotion. And your subconscious mind responds: “Okay; got it. You don’t see it, even if it’s in the room with you; and if IT is right outside your door, you’ll keep the door closed. If it wasn’t here yesterday, it’s never coming. You want to know how long you have to wait. Let’s find out how long because Waiting and Have It/Are It are two different programs/emotionallycharged feelings; and the one you believe more gets fulfilled first. You’re not open to receive original ideas, so we’ll replay old ones because that’s what’s available; and if we need to, we’ll borrow from others—because you Never have original ideas. Everything is a struggle for you. I’ll get to work on making sure you’re proved right—because I’m programmed to believe you are and act on it.” A new thought or idea comes to a calm mind, a mind open because it’s uncluttered, free of the wasteful energy of processing—and (gulp) panicking. This includes transforming an old idea that pops into mind, into a new idea, then charging it up with feeling it as your reality (it really could be). If your old thoughts haven’t changed your reality experience yet, why not try new ones. Processing is wearing; it’s exhausting, among other things. It tells you lies such as the ones listed above. I could say, “Hey, if you’re going to lie to yourself, do it in your favor;” but you’d have to release processing and embrace thinking. And, you’d have to do this deliberately every time you head towards busy mind rather than mindfulness. One reason we struggle with this is demonstrated by a quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes: “The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size.” Your inner self knows what’s described here is true. It also knows what it takes to make it true for you consistently. It’s natural to be inclined to revert to the “usual” ways. But, once you’ve so much as entertained the idea of a new, better way, old ways no longer feel like a good fit—they cease to feel like a “comfort” zone. And, the idea that if you deliberately calm down and shift your energy, you create change or a more positive experience just seems ridiculous when you’re stressed, even if you know what kind of results to
expect if you follow the “usual” approach. Higher awareness applied to anything creates different, improved results. For the rest of today, pay attention to the conversations you have with yourself (and others). If you find that you slip into processing, pause and say to yourself, “Your mind is busy, but you’re not thinking.” If you’ve ever looked for a successful way to quiet your mind, this will help you do it.
Do These Time Wasters Affect Your Life?
Activities we usually name as time wasters are too much TV viewing, daydreaming, or anything that isn’t a productive use of minutes and hours. Here are a few more to consider. Gossip. What’s the point, really? Conveying needed information to the appropriate person or people is useful, but negative gossip is a misuse of time and energy; and as Gandhi said, a form of violence. Each of us does the best we believe we can to make our way through our lives and challenges even if others don’t see it that way. Unless you must tell someone something they really need to know, speak about others’ accomplishments, strengths, courage, kindnesses, and generosity—or stay silent. This lifts your energy and the energy of those you speak with. Manage your damage (and damnage). Criticism. Constructive critiquing can be useful; criticism is usually just a way to vent about something we haven’t addressed in our lives or ourselves. It often reveals more about us than what or who we criticize. If you feel the need to criticize, ask where or how you feel restricted then change it so you feel better. One way to manage this habit is to consider the possibility that people are mirrors. If triggered by another person’s behavior or action, ask in what way this reflects something within you. It may appear somewhat differently or in a lesser degree in your life, but you can see it and address it. I find that when I observe behaviors in others and feel compassion, it means I’ve dealt with similar issues and appreciate what their experience might be like for them. [This works for seeing the good in others, as well.] This also reminds me of something Wayne Dyer shared with an audience during one of his PBS specials. He recounted working with a client who went on and on about his conflicted relationship with his mother rather than address what he could do in his own regard. Wayne finally told the client to go get his mother. The client asked why. Wayne said, “Go get her and bring her here. I’ll talk to her, and you’ll get better.” Repetitive dwelling on what others do or did. Unless your motivation is to understand or appreciate something, you can use up a lot of time (and energy) re-running an imaginary film or recording about what someone did or said. If what happened doesn’t directly impact you in a way that requires your current attention, wish them well and get on with creating the life you wish to experience. If it does directly impact you in
the now, handle it then let it go. If a re-run attempts to play once you’ve taken care of it, remind yourself, “I’m grateful my memory cells work, but I’ve already managed that.” Worry. You’ve probably heard that most of what we worry about never happens; and the things that happen, we usually aren’t given time to worry about. If you can shift something to make a situation better, do so. If you’re not sure what to do, pause until you are. If you’re unable to shift something at the outer level, shift it at the inner level by looking at it differently and focusing on what you wish to expand. Another way to shift this is to ask, “Am I dealing with this right now, where I am?” If you’re watching a movie (or supposed to be) and worrying about something else, watch the movie or get up and do something to shift what your concern is. Do something that makes you feel better. For some people, this includes prayer or meditation. For others, it’s exercise, a relaxing bath, or even a nap. Maybe soothing music or a funny movie will do the trick. A walk in the park or around the neighborhood may be just the thing; or a visit with a friend (but don’t have a pity party). The better you feel, the better the events and people you attract into your life are. We all have moments when we are out of alignment, and we feel bad. You are not obligated to hang onto feeling this way, even when it seems logical. Yes, you may need to vent or cry or express your feelings, which are all healthy things to do; but you don’t have to stay in that place any longer than necessary. Nor do you need to use up your moments in the less productive and ultimately harmful expressions listed above. What you focus your strongest feelings on, you experience more of. This isn’t just a Law of Attraction premise: revisiting negative thoughts and emotions with no intention to move forward isn’t much different than repeatedly hitting your head with a hammer. One last suggestion is to allow that if you currently do any or all of the bolded items, it’s likely they’re learned (and well practiced) behaviors. The ones that create negative feelings have “remedies” listed that are ideals to strive for. Realistically, you’ll do them again; but perhaps when you find yourself practicing any one of them that doesn’t lead you to feel the way you desire to feel, you’ll remember that there is another way, and shift your approach. It’s about choice to self-empower as you go, not about never doing any of them again. Perfection is a painful illusion. Choice is a powerful tool.
Set Them Free
The Law of Attraction states that whatever we hold our focus, specifically, our emotionally-charged feelings on is what we get more of even if it’s not what we desire. It’s easy to relate this to a better job, more money, and all the improvements we typically seek to expand into our lives, but this also applies to relationships. When we’re first introduced to information such as this, and even after working with it for years, we discover we have many issues and areas of our lives we wish to affect. Akin to separating like-colored marbles, we find we have to deal with each “color” one at a time in order to accomplish this. I’ve been on a diligent path to address my “marbles,” so matters are dealt with as they come to my attention. One in particular is a long-time relationship with someone who’s been considered difficult. In the last several years, circumstances changed and her behaviors escalated to a point that people who needed to interact with her found they couldn’t cope with her and couldn’t get her to understand how she was affecting those around her, so began to avoid her. I was one of them. It was truly challenging for me to engage with her at any level; yet, I wasn’t willing to give up. One of my affirmations is, “I EXPECT harmonious relationships.” This got my attention during a morning meditation and I asked myself, “How can you expect your relationship with her to be anything other than what it’s been as long as you have her fixed in your mind as capable of only certain behaviors?” I didn’t give this a lot of thought. I simply chose in that moment to set her free from my imposed belief and expectation that she couldn’t behave any other way. Nor did I envision her behaving as I’d like her to. I Let Her Be. We spoke the following week and what happened might be called a miracle by some. After years of conversations I regarded as tortuous, we had the most pleasant conversation in decades. Within a few days, I received an email from someone whose experiences with this woman matched mine. His comments were that he’d just had a most remarkable conversation with her, unlike any he’d had with her in years; and he was stunned.
Our view of others can be so subtle in our consciousness we don’t realize how we affect our relationship with them. In setting her free, I set myself free, as well. After all, not all of my memories about this person are what we’d called negative ones. There are many, many positive ones. Since I’ve shifted my perception of her, more positive memories float into my consciousness and I embrace them. This is what’s called Changing the Past. We don’t actually change the past, but rather how we perceive or view it. The outcome is that doing this has changed the way I experience the present—and this person. Set them free and you set yourself free.
How to Be the Experience You Wish to Have
Ever have one of those moments, events, or days when it appears if it can go wrong it seems to? Were you pleased with how you managed yourself, and the outcome? The event was one I not only looked forward to, but carefully planned for. My handouts, business cards, and artificial bonsai tree were packed and ready to go in my wheeled suitcase the day before the event. It was scheduled to start at noon and last until two o’clock; which meant I needed to be at the site for 11:30 so I could set up my table. And, I’d been told to expect about two hundred people to attend. I was ready! The morning of the event, I went through my usual meditative routine, and included my mantra, used especially when I have to commute or travel: I’m always in the right place at the right time with the right action and the right people. Using the subway on a Saturday means you have to allow extra time for a slower commute; for me, about an 80-minute ride to my destination. If I left by 10 a.m., I’d have enough time for the ride and to walk to the site. I didn’t leave my apartment until almost 10:15. Pulling my weighted suitcase on the bumpy sidewalk, I made it to the subway station—a 15minute walk without a suitcase. It was roped off . . . “being painted” is what the person I asked told me. I’m always in the right place at the right time . . . I repeated my mantra as I quickly pulled my suitcase the eight blocks north to the next subway stop, also roped off. My brain went into gear: There wasn’t enough time for me to keep walking north until I found an open station. I didn’t have enough cash with me to take a car service as far as my destination (and who knew what traffic was like), nor did I want to pay around $70 for a ride that cost $2.50 on the subway. And, that was just one way. A note on a post caught my attention: shuttle bus. I crossed the street to where others stood at a regular bus stop. A woman explained what I had to do. I checked my watch; it was 10:40. The bus pulled up, I got on, and asked the driver if he was taking us to the next transfer station where I
could catch the train. “It’s not running there. You have to go to the transfer station after that one.” Only 18 blocks, but to my ego, it seemed like 18 miles. I’m always in the right place—. I hurried down the steps to the subway platform. An express train was there and I flew through its doors and got a seat. At the main transfer station, I changed to the express train that would take me to my stop on Manhattan’s Upper West Side. It was 11:20 and I was at a station in Lower Manhattan when I realized there is no express service in the city on Saturday. We’d make every local stop. Understand I wasn’t upset or losing it, though I was bemused; then I was amused as I realized this was an opportunity to really practice what I preach. There was no way I could arrive frazzled and tout coaching to get peaceful, poised, on purpose, and empowered. I quietly laughed to myself and believed it would all be fine. I chose to have an inner and outer adventure that affirmed I’m always in the right place . . . I arrived at 11:45, ready to get set up and meet and greet the people. The room wasn’t ready, and everyone hosting a table stood around looking not too happy. We didn’t get our room until 12:15. It took no time for me to set up, so I started helping everyone who said they needed extra hands. I was the only one there who seemed to be in a good mood; everyone else seemed stressed. I activated my clown chakra and got some of them to smile and several to laugh. The two hundred people turned out to be about twenty; and I spoke with every one of them. No one bought any of my books, but I coached another host (I love when the “aha” moment happens for a person), coached one of the attendees, distributed my handouts, met some amazing people, and got an insight. Actually, I got more than one insight. At first blush, it might have appeared that lots of things went wrong. However, every time something seemed to go awry, something terrific followed it—primarily because I allowed that it could. I refused to get tense. Tension in your energy turns you into something akin to a prickly cactus, and nothing can get near you. I was always in the right place at the right time with the right action and the right people. I chose to be the experience I wished to have.
Man’s Economy vs. Spirit’s Economy
Ernest Holmes wrote that doubt is a belief in two powers instead of one. Let’s tie this in with beliefs about the economy and abundance. I don’t, as I type this, recall who said our individual economy is separate from the world’s economy. There are plenty of people demonstrating this as accurate, people doing quite well no matter what’s going on. Have you ever had a seemingly fleeting thought (or a focused one) when you wished you had a particular something and either you found it available to take for free or maybe someone gave it to you or asked if you’d like it because they were getting rid of it? However you got it, which economy did this result come from, man’s or Spirit’s? Man’s economic system says we can only attain or obtain things in, primarily, one way: money exchange. It also limits how and how much an individual can have, if the individual accepts these limitations, that is. Spirit’s economic system says abundance resources are limitless, as is how what we ask for can come to us. All we have to do is be a willing participant. One of the biggest opportunities that exists for us today, is to give real consideration to which economic system we give more validity to—man’s or Spirit’s. The reality is there is only One Economy, just as there is only One Infinite Power; but we impose our perceptions and assumptions on it. We limit our use of it through our beliefs. This is a topic made complex because it’s influenced by each individual’s belief system. Do you believe you can ask for what you want or something even better? Do you believe it can come to you from anyone, from anywhere, at anytime? Are you willing to allow what you desire to come to you, however it does? This last one is a big one for many. You wouldn’t think it would be, but it is. Why is this? All sorts of belief programs get installed in us during our lifetime. Here’s an example that may nudge you to consider what messages are playing subliminally in your subconscious. Someone I know told me about a time her parents and she, when she was an adolescent, visited her sister in her new home. It was a nice house, not lavish, but contemporary. When the visit was over and their
car pulled out of the driveway, her mother was furious and said, “I never thought I’d see the day when one of my children would have a house nicer than mine.” An imprint was left on the young girl that if she ever had more, or even the same, as her mother . . . well, it wouldn’t be good. There was no conscious thought about this in the girl’s mind as she grew up; but subconsciously, even though she desired to experience success and abundance, she’d move towards these then block them from happening. In her subconscious mind, the imagined (or real) penalty was too great. Hers is an example of subconscious suppression. There are conscious ones such as a particular comment heard in parts of the South: You’re living above your raising. In effect, it’s a parallel suppression, via a culture, to the one in the girl’s story. Other cultures use similar statements. Society uses the class system. Such comments or beliefs come from those who believe in man’s economics rather than Spirit’s. This also contributes to making people believe that money is the desired target that affirms their value or identity, or an evil to avoid. Here’s an inspiring quote from Dan Miller: “The fruits of a fulfilling life—happiness, confidence, enthusiasm, purpose, and money—are mainly by-products of doing something we enjoy, with excellence, rather than things we can seek directly.” People struggle and suffer because they’re confused about what they should focus on. Money is the means we use to have certain, but certainly not all, experiences we desire. If we believe money is the ONLY way we can have experiences, we’re buying into man’s economic system and ignoring Spirit’s. It does help if you identify a belief that’s holding you back from having the life experience you desire. You move forward more quickly if you allow such beliefs to surface (rather than dwell on surfacing them) while you also deliberately put your attention on what you want, which are experiences that allow you to feel how you wish to feel. How would you feel and what actions would you take (or not take) if you believed only man’s economic system? How would you feel and what actions would you take (or not take) if you believed only Spirit’s? Which one is the Truth?
If you’re inclined, you might entertain these scenarios in a meditation or in a journal. Envision yourself in both and ask your inner intelligence how each feels for you, what your life looks like in each. Do any fears come up about making a choice? Will you have to displease one or more people, or society or a culture, if you say yes to the life you desire and are ready to live? How unfulfilled do you need to be to make others happy? What might it take for you to make your choice?
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