You are on page 1of 7

My Imaginary Spirit Guide

When someone has multiple personalities the two, or more, have to battle it out.
Sometimes neither personality ever wins, and the person in question is living with
two brains inside her head. Figurativly, of course.
But what if one does win? What if the wrong personality wins? Where does
the real person go? Nowhere. hey become one. !hanging the real person forever.
For better, or for worse.
Would it have been better if " would have let her #ust ta$e over? Would
people have li$ed me more? Would " be more successful later in life?
"t started out as a way to remind myself right from wrong. " would remind myself to
be nice to my friends, or to be social when " didn%t feel li$e tal$ing. &emind myself
to do my best on my homewor$. " would tell myself how to tal$ to people. &emind
myself to use the right words. 'r to #ust stay silent.
" honestly don%t $now at what point the little voice inside my head became
another person. ( better me, really. (s perfect as " could imagine myself.
" would smile at the thought that it was someone else in my head. Someone
who cared enough to want to help me through life. o show me how to live. " li$ed to
thin$, maybe it%s an angel. ( saint. ( priest. ( holy spirit. ( spirit guide.
)very time " heard that little voice " would smile and do whatever it said. "t
was always right. "t $new me and it $new everyone around me.
" was so happy, because that voice was happy. Because everyone around me
was happy.
But then, one day, " met the neighbors. he new ones, who had #ust moved
into the house on the right. *y mother and their mother had become friends. hey
had a BB+ the ne,t saturday. hey invited everyone on the bloc$. hey wanted to
-settle in- to their new neighborhood.
*y mom insisted " go, and now, "%m greatful she did.
" met the two boys ne,t door. 'ne was older and the other was my age.
Neither were very handsome, smart, or interesting. But the boy my age was $ind of
sweet. .e li$ed the same $ind of music " li$ed bac$ then. We tal$ed and had fun
until the party ended.
hen later " reali/ed " didn%t hear my spirit guide the whole time " tal$ed to
the boy ne,t door. " called on her, feeling guilty. She came bac$. " was relieved.
But then she told me she didn%t want me to tal$ to the boy ne,t door. She told
me he was bad for me. (t first " didn%t want to listen to her, " li$ed the sweet boy too
much to believe that, at first. She $new me though, and she reminded me how she
loved me and would never steer me wrong. " was to do e,actly as she told me. " was
to be the perfect me, that wasn%t me at all.
" called him the ne,t day, using #ust the right words to cancel any plans we
had made.
When " hung up, there was a dar$ cloud over my happy world. *y spirit
guide told me it wasn%t there. (nd then it wasn%t. " pushed it away somehow.
But the boy ne,t door started at my school, he went to the same church " did.
'ur mothers were the best of friends. *y mom dragged me along when they invited
us to a family dinner. *y mom started having family dinners #ust so she could invite
them. " saw him everyday. She told me not to approach him, not to
ac$nowledge him. But when he tal$ed to me " tal$ed bac$. " tried saying things my
spirit guide thought " should say to him. But " noticed that he li$ed it when " tal$ed
without consulting her.
She would be angry at me afterwards. But " couldn%t help it.
" was falling in love with him. " loved tal$ing to him. *e, by myself, #ust
tal$ing.
*y spirit guide told me he was poison. She said he was going to ruin the
happy, perfect life she had planned for me. " cried alot. She would yell, she would
ma$e me cry.
(fter a while, " started calling the boy when " cried. " $new she wouldn%t tal$
to me when " was tal$ing to him.
.e never $new why " cried. .e didn%t even as$. .e #ust comforted me. 'nce "
stayed on the phone with him until " fell asleep.
hen one day, " called him and instead of comforting me, he said, -Shut up
for a second,-
hen he put me on hold and " cried even harded.
0ntil " heard the $noc$ on my first1floor bedroom window. " opened the
blinds and there he was. Standing there in a white 1shirt and flannel pa#ama pants
and snic$ers.
" opened the window to let him in, than$ful that my mom had forgotten to
buy a screen when she replaced the window 2 years ago. .e climbed through and
wrapped me up in his arms. "%d never really been so closed to him before. .e
smelled good, and his embrace felt strong and warm.
hat was the first time he told me he loved me. .e said he had always loved
me. " said " loved him, too. Because " $new now that " did. .e $issed me. *y heart
was beating so fast.
" felt so safe and so loved. " li$ed the sound of saying %" love you% to
someone who wasn%t related to me. " li$ed how it rolled off my tongue, so " said it
over and over. (nd he rained $isses all over my mouth and nose and chee$s and
forehead as " giggled and said it again.
hen we were cuddling on my bed, tal$ing softly in sleepy voices. We fell
asleep li$e that.
" wo$e right before dawn. " was relieved to see he was still there, and he still
had his arms around me. " silently wondered how " would ever have a good night%s
sleep now that " had slept with his arms enfolding me. " didn%t thin$ " ever would be
able to do so ever again.
hen suddenly my -spirit guide- was there. She told me that as long as he
was with me, she was fading away. She told me " had to choose. "f " didn%t ma$e the
boy leave and stay away from him forever, she would go away. She would leave me.
" almost screamed in horror. But " didn%t because " $new if " did " would
wa$e up the boy still sleeping ne,t to me. Snoring quietly.
hat was it, " loo$ed over at him. " $new he loved me. " $new he loved me
when " was without my spirit guide. When " was really me3
She wasn%t me. " still needed her so much though.
(lmost told her not to leave me, that " would do whatever she wanted me to
do. But " stopped, " loo$ed bac$ at the sleeping boy. " loved him. 4i$e " had never
loved anyone. " needed him, more than anything.
(nd " $new, he could show me how to be me again. hat sounded nice. Being
5667 me with him on my side.
" reali/ed, " was me when he was with me. " couldn%t help it.
-)ven if " don%t need your help anymore, can you still stay with me?-
-No3- and then she was gone. She had been inside my head, she $new " made
my choice.
" stood and ran to the bathroom to cry. " came bac$ and lay bac$ down
without wa$ing the boy ne,t to me. *y boy could sleep through the end of the
world. (nd he $ind of did. he end of my world.
" was #ust floating, for a long time after that. But " was also anchored by him.
" was still there because he loved me. " loved him.
" slowly came bac$, but this time, " came bac$ to myself. " was my
own person after what felt li$e so long. But at the same time, " belonged to him.
hat boy ne,t door. (nd he belongs to me.
" still try to be nice when " should be rude. " still try to be a good person. "%m
not horrible at it either. But " am me again. " love that.
"%m 85 years old now. *y mom still lives in our old house. .er best friend
still lives ne,t door. "%m coming home for the first time since " #oined the army. "t
was my mom%s idea to #oin. She said, -9ou%re a fighter, always have been. 'ur
country could use a girly li$e you.-
" was surprised to wal$ in the door and find my whole
family, and e,tended family, yelling, -S0&:&"S)333-
But it was e,actly something my mom would do.
She didn%t really care how much " hated surprises.
" got another one later though, when a big frame came at me and scooped me
up into a hug. *y feet actually left the ground for a second.
.e put me down and " could only stare up at him. .e loo$ed am/ing,
those familiar eyes and big, goofy smile.
-9ou%re bac$ in town.- " said past the emotion welling up in my throat.
-" came bac$ when " heard about your party.-
" could only smile up at him.
:eople started going home then, " had gotten home later then e,pected and "
guess everyone had somewhere to be. " started saying goodbyes and hugging my
grandparents and some of my cousins.
4ater there was only four people left at my party, mom, me, and the
neighbors. 'ur moms were tal$ing and he turned to me and said, -Want
to go for a wal$ with me? "t%s getting a little boring in here.-
" said yes, and we set off. We hadn%t really had that much of a chance to tal$
at the party. rying to loo$ for something to say was hard though, it shouldn%t have
been. -So how long are you visiting?-
-" too$ a few wee$s off wor$, and "%m in between boo$s right now, so...- he
shrugged.
-" #ust missed my mom, and my brother never visits her anymore. She would
be pretty lonely if not for your mom you $now. What about you? Where are you
going from here?-
We were at the neighborhood par$, right ne,t to the slow moving river. he
street lights were $ind of far away now, it was almost too dar$ to see him.
-"%m going to stay with my mom for a while. " have money saved up, though.
So maybe " could start a business.-
-"%m glad you decided to stay for awhile. But come on girl, you should plan
ahead. What $ind of business are you thin$ing about?-
-(h... "%m not quite sure. Something that helps people.-
.e was smiling down at the ground now.
-" missed you. (nd " have an idea.
-" missed you, too. Feels li$e it%s been so long3-
.e came closer, shoving his hands in his poc$ets li$e he did when we were
teenagers.
-"t%s been too long. (re you going to as$ what the idea is?-
-Nope.- " said, when he came closer.
-Well..."%m going to tell you anyway. '$ay, so first you marry me,-
*y breath caught. But, " $new he was #ust #o$ing. "t had been so long and we
weren%t e,actly sweethearts anymore. Nowadays he was this mature, buff, goofy but
still cute writer who lived in a big city, the $ind of city where -e,citement is around
every corner- and all that. he small town " grew up in and where he moved to
years ago probably bored him to death. ),cept for the long phone calls from mom
about how successful and ama/ing he was these days, " didn%t even $now him
anymore. " got ready to laugh it off and hear the rest of his plans of how we should
buy purple mon$eys, breed them and trade their babies for toast.
But then, he too$ both hands out of his poc$ets and $nelt on one $nee.
-hese last couple years have been the worst of my life. When we stopped tal$ing
every day, " would call my mom and ma$e her as$ your mom how you were doing. "
felt li$e such a creep but " couldn%t help it. " $ept imagining you met someone else
and the ne,t time " saw you, you would be married with four $ids. When " heard
you were coming bac$ home and your mom invited me to the party, " ran out and
bought this.-
.e opened his hand to me and showed me the little bo,. *y eyes widened,
there was something in my throat, and something was wrong with my stomach.
hen " saw his hands sha$ing and recogni/ed his nervous habit
of #iggling his foot and stomping lightly.
.e opened the bo,, -Will you marry me?-
-9es. " love you3 " frea$ing love you3- " said, and he slipped the ring onto my
finger and stood to wrap me in his arms.
" remembered the first time he held me. .e still smelled good3 " never loved
anyone as much as this man. .e had been my world for so long and he still was.
he first time we met, we were at his party, my life was never the same after
him. he moment " saw him that day, " started into a new life that didn%t include my
-spirit guide.-
Now, at my party, our lives would change again.
-" love you, too. (lways will.-

You might also like