Mirth Missive - February 3, 2008 - Super Bowl Sunday | Delusion | Wellness

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com Subject: Mirth Missive - February 3, 2008 - Super Bowl Sunday

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Mirth Missives

February 2008

3

None of the below is required reading --Pick and choose the topics that interest you. By design, there is a little something here for everyone, Especially those who are looking for typos, errors and lapses of judgment.

Free Clip Art – http://www.fraternalclipart.com/ Free Clip Art – http://www.mckim.nescotland.co.uk/MWWhome.htm

Call to ACTION

Anti-Jester ~ Anti-Shrine ~ Anti-Freemason
On e-Bay, Jester Court Directories are often put up for sale by the families of deceased Jesters. Disastrous consequences can flow from your personal information falling into the hands of "who-knows". Please leave instructions to your family that all Jester printed material is the property of the Court and should be returned to them upon your death. And if you see such a roster offered for sale on the internet or at a garage sale, you should notify the seller that the roster is property of the Court and must be returned immediately. If you notify e-Bay, they will pull the item.

A very real consequence of Jester information being sold on the internet or at estate sales follows. A self styled "Investigative reporter, author and researcher into that which would rather remain hidden" named Sandy Frost, who lives in the Seattle area, has acquired the name and phone numbers of many Jesters. She is calling them to get an interview to bash the ROJ. You know what to do is she calls you. You can read her poison at:

http://sandyfrost.newsvine.com/
Please communicate this information to your fellow Jesters at your next Court or Biliken Club gathering.

It's Against The Law
It is against the law for anyone other than a registered pharmacist to dispense medications. After my recent by-pass surgery, my medications were all switched around, substituted for, deleted, etc. This left me with the following medications, some in sealed bottles, all fresh, that I no longer use. Lisinopril 40 mg - I must have 500 or more of these suckers Felodipione 10 mg - looks like about 100 to 150 Atenolol 10mg - probably 200 whole tabs and another 50 to 100 cut in half Valsartan 80 mg - looks like about 50 or 60 Starlix 120 mg - maybe 150 or so It sure does pain me to flush these away, when I know darn well someone can use them. But it‘s against the law for me to give them to anyone, and I do not want to break the law. If you use any of these, perhaps you can send me an e-mail so I can send them to you and then YOU can properly dispose of these pills for me. Note to Jonathan Higgins - NO — you cannot have my left over pain pills Note to Fricke - NO — I do NOT have any extra Viagra

From http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=Dave33@charter.net – Dave Fuhrman, Reno

Snope's report

Valentine's Day Storm Worm

Virus: "Valentine's Day" Storm Worm. Status:

Real.

Example: [Collected via e-mail, January 2008]
PLEASE READ - Malicious Email If you receive an email with any of the following subject lines please delete the email immediately (I recommend doing this with your home email as well). These emails contain a link or attachment, that when clicked could infect your computer with a Trojan Horse. Our spam filter is having trouble blocking the email because the emails are generated by computers that are already infected with the worm, meaning there are thousands of sources that this email is coming from. The spam filter has been able to block some but not all of the incoming messages. The emails are easy to identify by Subject Line and the body. The body contains a short message and a link that uses an IP address rather than the domain. Example: http://127.0.0.1 This Trojan has been around for a little over a year now and reemerges during a holiday, in this case Valentine's Day. Until now we haven't seen too much activity, but today we are seeing increased activity. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A Dream is a Wish A Is For Attitude A Kiss So Gentle A Rose A Rose for My Love A Toast My Love Come Dance with Me Come Relax with Me Dream of You Eternal Love Eternity of Your Love Falling In Love with You For You....My Love Heavenly Love Hugging My Pillow * I Love You Because I Love You Soo Much I Love You with All I Am I Would Dream If Loving You In Your Arms Inside My Heart Love Remains Memories of You A Token of My Love Miracle of Love Our Love is Free Our Love Nest Our Love Will Last Pages from My Heart

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Path We Share Sending You All My Love Sending You My Love Sent with Love Special Romance Surrounded by Love The Dance of Love The Mood for Love The Time for Love When Love Comes Knocking When You Fall in Love Why I Love You Words in my Heart Wrapped in Your Arms You... In My Dreams Your Friend and Lover Your Love Has Opened You're my Dream

Origins: The "Storm Worm" (so named because the spam e-mail messages that carried it commonly bore the subject line "230 dead as storm batters Europe") debuted in Janaury 2007, and it has reappeared many times since then with topically-adjusted lures — subject lines that reference current events or upcoming holidays. In Janaury 2008, Storm Worm lures began appearing in the form of e-mails bearing Valentine's Day-related subjects and containing IP address-based hyperlinks. Clicking on the link in one of these messages takes the recipient to a web page that displays a heart and triggers the download of a Trojan horse onto the user's computer. (The worm affects most Windows-based platforms: Windows 2000, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows Me, Windows NT, Windows Server 2003, Windows XP.) This version of the Storm Worm should not be confused with the "Be My Valentine" hoax virus warning from 2000. Last updated: 25 January 2008

Jest Jabber
Rants, Raves and Comments

From http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=DMccle5000@aol.com - Imp David W. McClenahan, Cleveland
I think it's worthy for the Realm to take note of the fact that Cleveland Court 14 boasts six Jesters with over 50

years each in Masonry. I am not sure that anything like this has happened in the Realm in one year anywhere.

6 Jester - 350 years in Masonry
70 years 65 years 65 years 50 years 50 years 50 years Marvin James Price 33° James Charles Matilo 33° Martin John Kovalik F. James Lloyd William Harris Mackin Emil William Krug Jr.

350 years - Masonry in Ohio is celebrating it's 200th year this year! Cleveland , Ohio Court #14 is very proud of it's members. They are all active and participate in our Court events including our BOP & weekly luncheons. Of special note James Charles Matilo 33 presented F. James Lloyd who he raised 50 years ago his emblem and also in the past, presented a 60, 65 & 70 year emblem to F. James Lloyds father.

Jester and Mrs. Bobby Freeman, aka http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=CHEV%2 0BF@aol.com
At the

Macon Court 146
Ladies Party and Installation of Court Officers

From http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=barry.thorpe@verizon.net - Barry Thorpe, Long Beach

Mose Useful (?) Latin Phrases
Fools laugh at the Latin language Rident stolidi verba Latina

Get a life Fac ut vivas Go For It! Velis et Remis Go with the flow Ventis secundis, tene cursum Greed is its own reward Cupiditas praemium suum est Have a nice day Die dulci fruere Hey (name)! Did you nail my sandals to the floor? Salve, (name)! Crepidas meas per clavos ad solum adfixinte? Hold my calls Fac ut nemo me vocet Honey, I'm home Mellita, domi adsum Honk if you speak Latin Sona si Latine loqueris How long are you going to abuse our patience? Quo usque tandem abutere patentia nostra? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

Fricke Spotted In The Park Last Week

The Demented Dentist, Dr, Fricke wasn't too happy with his doctor's recommendation to cure his constant fatigue. "You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried. "I'm a Jester. I'm in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up sex and go cold turkey?" "Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married and taper off gradually."

More Fricke Door Signs

Teddy sent me his favorite web site March 14 is http://www.steakandablowjobday.com/

H-m-m-m-m-m-m

The JOW Archives
By

Crazy George Goland
Los Angeles

JOW Founder & President Emeritus

Kansas City--The Blues Cruise April 20-25, 2001
Part Two

Alongside the Mississippi River V.P. Bill Lee. Bill Buckham, both Court 83 Toronto ,Crazy George, Crazy George JR (no relativedeceased) Long Beach Court 161 and Dick Hedden, Billings , Court 87

Riders gathered in the hospitality suite for dinner immediately after a fantastic ride alongside The Mississippi river led by Jim Belew with a lunch stop included. April 22. 2001 Glen Bucklew PD Impresario (deceased) Ambassador JOW Court 84 Los Angeles presented with his number 1 T shirt which he truly loved having that title. He would take the riding course (twice) later to buy his own Purple Stallion and rode all over the REALM enjoying it right to the end with San Francisco Book when Don Bohn was Director and the Black Camel called him 42 days later and his riding partner Don Smith, L.O. Court 84 rode his Purple Stallion off the stage of the Al Malaikah Shrine auditorium immediately after his Memorial services were concluded in front of a huge gathering.

Above is the article that Glen Bucklew wrote in the monthly LA Court newsletter before he started his riding career.

Royal Director Dave Moffitt, Des Moines Court 46, Murrell Smith, Baltimore Court 82 about to give "Big Dave" his JOW formal inauguration ceremony in the JOW hospitality suite in Kansas City for Dave‘s National Book of thye Play where the members gathered. He was a good sport as always

April 22, 2001 Some of the gang parked front of the Hotel at the National in Kansas City .

For the Trestle Board
Thoughts or Stories Suitable For Your Trestle Board

An interesting site and an interesting concept

http://www.usmasonicdirectory.com

Down Memory Lane
The following is from an Army Aviator friend who takes another trip down memory lane: It was just before Thanksgiving '67 and we were ferrying dead and wounded from a large GRF west of Pleiku. We had run out of body bags by noon , so the Hook ( CH-47 CHINOOK) was pretty rough in the back.

All of a sudden, we heard a 'take-charge' woman's voice in the rear. There was the singer and actress, Martha Raye, with a SF ( Special Forces) beret and jungle fatigues, with subdued markings, helping the wounded into the Chinook, and carrying the dead aboard. 'Maggie' had been visiting her SF 'heroes' out 'west'. We took off, short of fuel, and headed to the USAF hospital pad at Pleiku. As we all started unloading our sad pax's, a 'Smart-Ass' USAF Captain said to Martha. Ms Ray, with all these dead and wounded to process, there would not be time for your show! To all of our surprise, she pulled on her right collar and said.... Captain, see this eagle? I am a full 'Bird' in the US Army Reserve, and on this is a 'Caduse' which means I am a Nurse, with a surgical speciality....now, take me to your wounded. He said, yes mam'... follow me. Several times at the Army Field Hospital in Pleiku, she would 'cover' a surgical shift, giving a nurse a welldeserved break. Martha is the only woman buried in the SF (Special Forces) cemetery at Ft Bragg. Hand Salute! ' Down Memory Lane , Once Again'

Martha Raye Civilian Warrior http://userpages.aug.com/captbarb/mraye.html

Top 10 Bizarre Mental Disorders
(Any if these remind you of any Dentists you may know?) Mental disorders affect millions of people in the world and can lead to years of psychotherapy. In some cases, the psychological problem suffered is extremely rare or bizarre. This is a list of the ten most bizarre mental disorders.

10. Stockholm Syndrome
Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of sympathy, loyalty or even voluntary compliance with the hostage taker, regardless of the risk in which the hostage has been placed. The syndrome is also discussed in other cases, including those of wifebeating, rape and child abuse. The syndrome is named after a bank robbery in Stockholm , Sweden , in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28 in 1973. In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their victimizers, and even defended their captors after they were freed from their six-day ordeal, refusing to testify against them. Later, after the gang were tried and sentenced to jail, one of them married a woman who had been his hostage. A famous example of Stockholm syndrome is the story of Patty Hearst, a millionaire's daughter who was kidnapped in 1974, seemed to develop sympathy with her captors, and later took part in a robbery they were orchestrating.

9. Lima Syndrome
The exact opposite of Stockholm syndrome - this is where the hostage takers become more sympathetic to the plights and needs of the hostages. It is named after the Japanese embassy hostage crisis in Lima , Peru where 14 members of the Tupac Amaru Revolutionary Movement (MRTA) took hundreds of people hostage at a party at the official residence of Japan 's ambassador to Peru . The hostages consisted of diplomats, government and military officials, and business executives of many nationalities who happened to be at the party at the time. It began on December 17, 1996 and ended on April 22, 1997 . Within a few days of the hostage crisis, the militants had released most of the captives, with seeming disregard for their importance, including the future President of Peru, and the mother of the current President. After months of unsuccessful negotiations, all remaining hostages were freed by a raid by Peruvian commandos, although one hostage was killed.

8. Diogenes Syndrome
Diogenes was an ancient Greek philosopher, who lived in a wine barrel and promoted ideas of nihilism and animalism. Famously, when he was asked by Alexander the Great what he wanted most in the world, he replied, "For you to get out of my sunlight!" Diogenes syndrome is a condition characterised by extreme self neglect, reclusive tendencies, and compulsive hoarding, sometimes of animals. It is found mainly in old people and is associated with senile breakdown. The syndrome is actually a misnomer since Diogenes lived an ascetic and transient life, and there are no sources to indicate that he neglected is own hygiene.

7. Paris Syndrome
Paris syndrome is a condition exclusive to Japanese tourists and nationals, which causes them to have a mental breakdown while in the famous city. Of the millions of Japanese tourists that visit the city every year, around a dozen suffer this illness and have to be returned to their home country. The condition is basically a severe form of 'culture shock'. Polite Japanese tourists who come to the city are unable to separate their idyllic view of the city, seen in such films as Amelie, with the reality of a modern, bustling metropolis. Japanese tourists who come into contact with, say, a rude French waiter, will be unable to argue back and be forced to bottle up their own anger which eventually leads to a full mental breakdown. The Japanese embassy has a 24hr hotline for tourists suffering for severe culture shock, and can provide emergency hospital treatment if necessary.

6. Stendhal Syndrome
Stendhal Syndrome is a psychosomatic illness that causes rapid heartbeat, dizziness, confusion and even hallucinations when an individual is exposed to art, usually when the art is particularly 'beautiful' or a large amount of art is in a single place. The term can also be used to describe a similar reaction to a surfeit of choice

in other circumstances, e.g. when confronted with immense beauty in the natural world. It is named after the famous 19th century French author Stendhal who described his experience with the phenomenon during his 1817 visit to Florence , Italy in his book Naples and Florence : A Journey from Milan to Reggio.

5. Jerusalem Syndrome
The Jerusalem syndrome is the name given to a group of mental phenomena involving the presence of either religiously themed obsessive ideas, delusions or other psychosis-like experiences that are triggered by, or lead to, a visit to the city of Jerusalem . It is not endemic to one single religion or denomination, but has affected Jews and Christians of many different backgrounds. The condition seems to emerge while in Jerusalem and causes psychotic delusions which tend to dissipate after a few weeks. Of all the people who have suffered this spontaneous psychosis, all have had a history of previous mental illness, or where deemed not to have been 'well' before coming to the city.

4. Capgras Delusion
The Capgras delusion is a rare disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that an acquaintance, usually a spouse or other close family member, has been replaced by an identical looking impostor. It is most common in patients with schizophrenia, although it occur in those with dementia, or after a brain injury. One case report said the following: Mrs. D, a 74-year old married housewife, recently discharged from a local hospital after her first psychiatric admission, presented to our facility for a second opinion. At the time of her admission earlier in the year, she had received the diagnosis of atypical psychosis because of her belief that her husband had been replaced by another unrelated man. She refused to sleep with the impostor, locked her bedroom and door at night, asked her son for a gun, and finally fought with the police when attempts were made to hospitalize her. At times she believed her husband was her long deceased father. She easily recognized other family members and would misidentify her husband only. The paranoia induced by this condition has made it a common tool in science fiction books and films, such as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Total Recall and The Stepford Wives.

3. Fregoli Delusion
The exact opposite of the Capgras delusion - the Fregoli delusion is a rare disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that different people are in fact a single person who changes appearance or is in disguise. The condition is named after the Italian actor Leopoldo Fregoli who was renowned for his ability to make quick changes of appearance during his stage act. It was first reported 1927 by two psychiatrists who discussed the case study of a 27 year old woman who believed that she was being persecuted by two actors whom she often went to see at the theatre. She believed that these people "pursued her closely, taking the form of people she knows or meets."

2. Cotard Delusion

The Cotard delusion is a rare psychiatric disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that he or she is dead, does not exist, is putrefying or has lost their blood or internal organs. Rarely, it can include delusions of immortality. One case study said the following: [The patient's] symptoms occurred in the context of more general feelings of unreality and being dead. In January, 1990, after his discharge from hospital in Edinburgh , his mother took him to South Africa . He was convinced that he had been taken to hell (which was confirmed by the heat), and that he had died of septicaemia (which had been a risk early in his recovery), or perhaps from AIDS (he had read a story in The Scotsman about someone with AIDS who died from septicaemia), or from an overdose of a yellow fever injection. He thought he had "borrowed my mother's spirit to show me round hell", and that he was asleep in Scotland . It is named after Jules Cotard, a French neurologist who first described the condition, which he called "le d‚lire de n‚gation" ("negation delirium"), in a lecture in Paris in 1880.

1. Reduplicative Paramnesia
Reduplicative paramnesia is the delusional belief that a place or location has been duplicated, existing in two or more places simultaneously, or that it has been 'relocated' to another site. For example, a person may believe that they are in fact not in the hospital to which they were admitted, but an identical-looking hospital in a different part of the country, despite this being obviously false, as one case study reported: A few days after admission to the Neurobehavioural Center , orientation for time was intact, he could give details of the accident (as related to him by others), could remember his doctors' names and could learn new information and retain it indefinitely. He exhibited, however, a distinct abnormality of orientation for place. While he quickly learned and remembered that he was at the Jamaica Plain Veterans Hospital (also known as the Boston Veterans Administration Hospital ), he insisted that the hospital was located in Taunton , Massachusetts , his home town. Under close questioning, he acknowledged that Jamaica Plain was part of Boston and admitted it would be strange for there to be two Jamaica Plain Veterans Hospitals. Nonetheless, he insisted that he was presently hospitalized in a branch of the Jamaica Plain Veterans Hospital located in Taunton . At one time he stated that the hospital was located in the spare bedroom of his house. The term 'reduplicative paramnesia' was first used in 1903 by the Czechoslovakian neurologist Arnold Pick to describe a condition in a patient with suspected Alzheimer's disease who insisted that she had been moved from Pick's city clinic, to one she claimed looked identical but was in a familiar suburb. To explain the discrepancy she further claimed that Pick and the medical staff worked at both locations

Masonic Moment

A Little Something For or About Masonry

Shrine Temples Name Meaning
By Chuck Zuvers, Shriners-2000-Moderator Ararat Shrine Flying Fez K.C., MO (Edited for clarity by R. W. Hannemann, Put Stevens Court 107, Aleppo Temple & Assoc. Member Kora Temple, 12/19/00)

Al Bahr - San Diego, California
The sea

Al Bedoo - Billings, Montana
The Bedouins or those who live in the open

Al Chymia - Memphis, Tennessee
Alchemy

Al Kader - Wilsonville, Oregon
Probably

Al Kaly - Pueblo, Colorado
Turkish word for "costly rug"

Al Korah - Broadview Heights, Ohio
The sacred book of the Mohammedans

Al Malaikah - Los Angeles, California
Arabic word for "the angels"

Al Meneh - Nashville, Tennessee
The port

Al Shamal - Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
The North

Al Sihah - Macon, Georgia
A Moslem sect, "the perfect ones"

Aladdin - Columbus, Ohio
Oersibak banem technically meaning one who has a high religious standing

Alcazar - Montgomery, Alabama
Spanish name meaning "castle" or "citadel"

Alee - Savannah, Georgia
Perhaps "Ali", father-in-law of Mohammed

Aleppo - Wilmington, Massachusetts
A city in Syria

Algeria - Helena, Montana

Province in Northern Africa

Alhambra - Chattanooga, Tennessee
Fortress of Granada with wall of a reddish color Continued Next Week

"WHAT'S YOUR LINE?"
This Short Talk Bulletin was prepared by the headquarters staff of M.S.A., using information from a variety of Masonic publications and discussions with many Masonic leaders. In "meeting upon the level," we frequently lose sight of the fact that the Brother sitting next to us has a vocation, avocations, and special talents. We think of him only as a Mason and accept him as such. This is particularly true in larger lodges, where our only contact with one another is in lodge. We have a tendency to deal in "small talk" or merely talk about the weather, the degree work or Masonic experiences. It's usually only after we have gotten to know the brother pretty well that we get around to asking, "What's your line of work?" And we're usually surprised that his "line" is different than we had imagined. The man we have pegged as a lawyer may turn out to be a bus driver. And the man we thought might be an electrician could very possibly be a dentist. We are usually surprised to learn of the vast amount of varied talent that congregates around our altars. Good men from every walk of life are truly attracted to the Ancient Greek. It is a sad fact, however, that in our eagerness to gain members, we neglect them by not using their talents. During a candidate's progress through tic three degrees, he is tic most important person in the lodge. We heap all kinds of attention upon him as we provide him with the symbolic working tools. Then, once he has been raised to the Sublime Degree of a Master Mason, we turn our attention to the next candidate. The newly-raised Mason has become a statistic He's still in the darkness. He's neglected. He has all of those shiny new working tools. He has his "union card." But, hi is "unemployed." There aren't any designs Upon the trestleboard for him to use. He becomes bored, frustrated, disinterested, a stranger in a strange place, bewildered. It's an easy thing for him to NOT come back to the lodge room. Then it's an easy thing for him NOT to pay dues to an organization that's not interested in him. And he can easily, in a year or so, show up as "dropped NPD." There are some forward-looking lodges which are doing something about such situations by making an earnest effort to get all of heir members involved, including the NEW Mason . The first and foremost idea is to find out all they can about each member of the lodge. Then to match his skills, talents, abilities, and interests to the needs of the lodge, taking into account the physical limitations of each member. To do this, involves a great deal of thought, organization and WORK. Basically, what is involved is: (a) developing a questionnaire which will provide NEEDED information; (b) devising a system to secure the information; (c) compiling the information; (d) USING the information; (e) maintaining and up-dating the information; (f) making the information available to the progressive line. In developing the questionnaire, consideration must be given to what data is essential and needed. Too many questionnaires are cluttered up with questions that are useless. For instance, can you imagine the

responses you would get if you had a blank to indicate "SEX"? A basic form developed by the Masonic Service and Education Committee of the Grand Lodge of Michigan was used effectively by many lodges in that jurisdiction. It included these basic questions: name, address, business telephone number, home phone, occupation, special talents. Interested in participating as follows: as an officer; a member of the lecture team; organist; pianist; soloist; Glee Club; choir; Membership Committee; Education Com-mittee; Intender; Trestleboard Editor; Staff member; other A notation at the bottom of the form indicated: "Your suggestions for the improvement of the lodge would be appreciated. A self-addressed envelope is enclosed please send us your ideas. They will be given careful consideration and will be kept in strictest confidence. Send them anonymously if you wish. We are particularly interested in improving our lodge programs to benefit and interest you. If you have specific suggestions please describe them." If you are planning to use the questionnaire to select committees, or to locate potential sources for repair or maintenance work, you would want to include questions regarding hobbies, skills and talents. There are so many Masons who have no interest or ability in ritual work but who would delight in the opportunity to prepare and serve refreshments; do cabinet or electrical work; paint; or do landscaping and gardening. They would like to be involved. They want to do their part; to feel needed and appreciated. Shut-in Brethren have been found to be a great source of energy in serving on "telephone committee" used to remind the other Brethren of lodge activities. In making the calls, they learn of Brethren who fall under the heading of "sickness and distress." They learn of widows in need of assistance. They serve as the eyes and ears of the lodge. Most of all, they find an opportunity to serve the lodge and their Brethren, and in doing it they are able to minimize their own problems and loneliness. You have no doubt heard the ridiculous stories about the world-renowed Chef who ended up as a mechanic in the Army; and the electrical engineer who ended up as an Army cook. Putting round pegs into square holes may have bureaucratic advantages. However, experience shows that Masonic lodges function much better if the members' skills are used to fulfill lodge needs. It‘s an important function of lodge leadership to put the right peg in the right hole.

Book Notes
Facts and Fantasies about certain gatherings

From http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=duckgumbo@bellsouth.net – David McLemore, Monroe

Battlefield Book of the Play

We had a very successful BOP as you know by $ Bill's post. I thought that I would give you some other insight to the activities so that you can get something on your email list. WE had 21 Courts and 120 Jesters in attendance for our very first annual Battlefield Book of the Play with Monroe Court 187 and Jackson Court 143. Memphis Court 130 traveled and brought their cast and set to put on a most excellent Play. We had the "Bubba Billy Bob Boner's 69th Degree" on Thursday night with many Jesters getting the degree alongside the candidates. The JOm Travelling Jester Play on Friday brought out a large crowd and many in the audience chose to receive the "Word" with the candidates. The Northern Aggressor Jesters brought in some snow flurries on Saturday morning and we held the Columbaire at the base of the Mississippi River levee. I imagine that it was the coldest Columbaire in Jesterdom! Everyone had a great time and the Calcutta from Friday evening was sizable. We had a great Pheast and both Royal Sir Dave Moffitt and Royal Sir Bill Siders honored us with their presence. We are planning the second annual Battlefield Book of the Play and will get info out as soon as possible.

From http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=billggoss@bellsouth.net - Billy Goss, PD, Memphis
I also aiiended the Book and party in Vicksburg weekend before last and I fully agree with DOLLAR BILL that it was a great Book and party. He however did not mention the fact that Memphis Court 130 presented the Book of the Play and if you missed it we are going to do it all over again in Memphis on November 20 21 22 & 23, hope to see you here for a great time and all that downtown and BealeSt. has to offer.

Albany Court 77 Book of the Play
"The Best Little Book in New York" May 15 – 18
Ft William Henry Resort Hotel & Conference Center 48 Canada Street Lake George, NY 1-800-234-0267 Duncan Bellinger, PD, Chairman dbellinger003@nycap.rr.com 518-231-0071 518-868-4847

New Orleans – Simply The Best

From: ronhinds@yahoo.com – Imp Ron Hinds, Springfield , MO To: Director Gorman and Party Chair Latino Subject: BOP New Orleans Dr. Gorman and Members of Court 36 Thank you and your court for a great time in New Orleans . The Book was great and the hospitality was outstanding. The 16 members of Court 73 from Springfield Mo. Salute you and your court. It was nice of you to recognize our court at the Royal Feast and inviting me to sit at the head table for having the most members from one court attending your Party. We are the 'travelers' from Court 73 and will be back. Again thanks for a great party. ------------------------From cegorman@drgorman.com - Director Neal Gorman Subject: BOP New Orleans Dear Ron, We tried our very best to share the music, elegance and beauty of this once vibrant and now flickering city known as the Queen of the South. The Crescent City is better for your visit and for the beneficence of the Royal Order of Jesters. You and our brothers have truly shown a valuable commitment to my birthplace and heritage as well as to Court 36. Thanks to your thoughtfulness Mirth continues to reign in abundance. From the brass band, real life police guided parade, hot licks by experienced card carrying musicians, the Preservation Hall concerts, wonders of the WW-II Museum and delightful servers, we thank you again for helping make the Mardi Gras BOP a "have to" event. From the bottom of our collective hearts, it's MIRTH BY DESIGN and just for our visitors. Your accolades are much appreciated and as director I take partial credit. But, the lion's share of the applause is due my party chairman, Joe "REX MAGNUS" Latino! Dans la langue du français nos voeux les plus profonds acceptant pour tout bon dans vie et amour. Wishing you the very best Mardi Gras ever, hoping that beads rain down in your dreams and shower your children with the love and affection of Mardi Gras year ‗round, I am Yours in Mirth, Dr. Beadz/Neal

He was weeded out of college. They caught him smoking it. He has the personality of a wart. He has all the charm of a hockey puck. I understand he's sick. Hope it's nothing trivial. Her face is so wrinkled it would hold a 2-day train

People who like this sort of thing will find it just the sort of thing they like. This man's work cannot be underrated. Way down deep he's shallow. Before they made him they broke the mold. Anyone who goes to a psychoanalyst should have his head examined. Right or wrong, it's a message!

Random Thoughts for Today
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J. Burke

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. – Don Herold We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. - Nick Faldo Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. - W. Somerset Maugham The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made. - Jean Giraudoux

From http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=wfranson@atlanticbb.net - Bill Franson, PD - Altoona
Saffron is such a valuable spice that, in Bavaria , merchants caught selling tainted Saffron were once burned alive. The game Monopoly was banned in Soviet Bloc countries, and even outlawed in Cuba for fear it would the public with free-market ideas. Forks were once forbidden by the Catholic Church because they were thought to be the dining utensil of the devil. The most famous quiz-show scandal involved Columbia professor Charles Van Doren being fed answers on the show Twenty-One. What ever happened to the crestfallen professor? He became a senior editor at Britannica.

New Court Officers
Congratulations to All
Note: Information is listed in the order received. Accuracy of information depends on the sobriety of the Jester who sent it to me.

Put Stevens (Maine) Court 107
Director Karl S. Hooper karlhooper11@verizon.net

Leading Man Hiram A. Brown Email Impaired

Tragedian Dwight M. Merrill merrill562@gmail.com Treasurer John H. Gailey gaileyjh@msn.com Impresario Richard C. Perry rojperry@aol.com

Panama Canal Court 18
Director - Arthur J. Kerr - moonshine33gc@yahoo.com Leading Man - Joe Salterio - jsalterio@cwpanama.net Tragedian - John Cobb – email impaired Impresario - Bruce M. Homa – bruce@hihomaco.com Treasurer - Dean C. Homa - dean@hihomaco.com National Court Representatives Dean C. Homa - dean@hihomaco.com Arthur J. Kerr – moonshine33gc@yahoo.com Raul De Obaldia – email impaired Richard Gilman, PD, emeritus - RAGilman@aol.com Gerald F. Lee, PD, emeritus - email impaired

Charleston, WV Court 111
Director - Charles P. (Chuck) Stump - chuckstump@verizon.net Leading Man - Larry G. Kopelman - lgkopelman@aol.com Tragedian - Terry Hill - email Impaired Stage Manager - Jody Hedrick Jr. - ckhedrickrph@hotmail.com Heavy Man - Dave Sweeney - ddsweeney1@yahoo.com Impresario - Sam Kapourales PD - sammykap@msn.com Treasurer - Chet Roberts PD - chetroberts@suddenlink.net

Springfield, MA Court 144
Director - Dr. Alan C. Garlick D.M.D. - agarlick@comcast.net Leading Man - Robert D. Waltermire - rdw@verizon.net Tragedian - David A. Murphy - roj@davidmurphy.com Stage Manager - Tony Richards - bertony@charter.net Impresario - James W. Kocot Jr. - jkocot@snet.net Treasurer - Stanley B. Rubinstein - stancarole@comcast.net National Court Representatives James A. Blevins P.D. - jim.blevins@hs.utc.com Richard Stone P.D. - thestones542@msn.com

Erik Semb P.D. - esmb@bowing4fun.com Ralph Semb P.D. - Emeritus - rsemb@bowling4fun.com

Crescent Court 64
Director - Phil DeRoxtra - ct64imp@aol.com Leading Man - Jim Mertz - jrmertzinc@msn.com Tragedian - Larry Plasket - gmnj2002@hotmail.com Stage Manager - John "J.J." Keating - JohnJKeating@msn.com Impresario - Harvey M. Levin, PD - harvey.levin@hslift.com Treasurer - Robert Donnahaoo - RWD2000@aol.com National Court Representatives Phil DeRoxtra, Director- ct64imp@aol.com Jim Mertz, Leading Man - jrmertzinc@msn.com Wayne Farren, P.D. - wfarren@aecoinc.com

Macon Court 146
Director - Alex C. Harrison - janice.harrison@cox.net Leading Man - James W. Holcombe - tomholcombe@bellsouth.net Tragedian - Joseph W. Watson - email impaired Impresario - Bobby B Simmons - bnsimmons81@bellsouth.net Treasurer - Willie Smith - email impaired

Denver Court 138
Director - Amer Plaistad - amalb50@aol.com Leading Man - Lee MacDonald - ringmaster26@earthlink.net Tragedian - Duane Hess - dhess5421@aol.com Impresario - Claude Akridge - akridgeducks@aol.com Treasurer - Jack Patten P.D. - jcpatsr@aol.com

Polar Court 182
Director - Mark Leaf - mhleaf@gmail.com Leading Man - Fred Angleton - email impaired Tragedian - Joe Hildreth - email impaired Treasurer - Gene Browning - email impaired Impresario - Bob Homoleski - rhomoleski@gmail.com

Memphis Court 130
Director - Bill Presslar - http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=sjpreslar@aol.com Leading Man - Robert Carter - rwcarter40@bellsouth.net Tragedian - Steve Gibson - email impaired Impresario - Jack Rendall - roj130imp@yahoo.com Treasurer - Joey Williams - email impaired

Golph Tips and Jokes
We Should Have Phun When we Play

From:

Lloyd Maple
jestergolph@yahoo.com

Denver

Focus on Positive to Re-Program Your Mental Game in Golf
Well it is a new year and time to focus on improving our play of golf. Have you ever (and I’m sure you have) played with someone that has had a melt-down on the golf course, gets so upset that they curse and throw clubs? Not a pretty sight and not only does their game not improve but it affects the other players as well. What do the “Steady Eddie” players do that keeps their game on that Even Keel. You know the ones that hit the ball down the middle all the time and very seldom misses that chip. I would lay money down that they have learned to play the “mental game”. I once heard a story about Jack Nicklaus' reaction to a missed putt. A fan, the story goes, said to Jack after missed a short putt, "Sorry you missed that one, Jack." Jack's response was: "I didn't miss the putt. It just didn't go in." Jack was right. He hit the line and speed he wanted, so in his mind everything was fine. This mental approach protected his self-image and allowed him to move on without dwelling on it like many of us do after missing a short putt. By doing so, he prevented the miss from affecting his self-confidence on future putts. In other words, he just let it go! Getting mad at yourself over a lack of performance is non-productive and can erode your confidence. The human body is not a machine. Some days it works better that others, and for many different reasons. So when you see yourself starting to get mad or losing your focus, think to yourself, "I did the best I could, given all the circumstances," and let it end there. My point is simple: Stop putting yourself down. Think about the things you are telling yourself on the course. Ever heard the expression, "What you eat, you are?" Well, "what you think, you are." Everything you tell yourself is programming, so make it productive. Choose carefully what you think about. Don't work against yourself. Most negative dialogue is a bad habit that you can change. You start first by listening to what you are telling yourself, recognizing the negative and working to put an end to the negative. Once you start, it's easy to change your internal dialogue to focus on the things you want to achieve. Here's an example: The old you: "I hate chip shots." or, "I always chunk my chip shots." The instant you hear yourself starting up the negative stuff, say to yourself, "stop," and don't allow yourself to finish the negative thought. Now change that negative into something productive. The new you: "I want to get this chip close." Or, "I am going to make this." Tell yourself what you want to do. Whether you make a good chip is not the point. What is the point is that over

the long run, your new, positive dialogue will take you to a new level of play throughout the whole game. Good Luck and as always:

―Keep it in the Fairway‖
I will be traveling this year and my first stop will be in South Carolina visiting the Charleston Ct 113 and their Book at Myrtle Beach from Feb 27- Mar 2nd. Stop by and say Hi. Drop me a line if any of these articles have helped you. Click here to email me: http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=jestergolph@yahoo.com

Now for a Joke
New to Golf

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! Now you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

Jest Phor Phun
Grins and groans to help "Spread Mirth Throughout The Realm"

From Carolinastation@aol.com - Don McGrath, PD, Charleston, SC
This is an interesting and informative site. Put in our zip code and see the stats. Have you ever wondered about the county/parish/borough where you live? This gives more information than you ever wanted to know.

http://zipskinny.com/
From http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=pmionic94@comcast.net – William R. Billingham, Crescent (NJ)
An older, white haired Jester walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old Jester said, "No, I'd like to see something much more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old Jester seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old Jester. "There's no money in that account." "I know," said the old Jester, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

From http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=dminarik@zoominternet.net David Minarik Sr., Erie
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God "That's Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "There is another Washington ...wait until you see the idiots I put there."

From - http://us.mc381.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=PJONESCO@aol.com – Alan Jones, Chattanooga
Actual e-mail send to the University of Tennessee

Kris, I appreciate the notification for the UT Black Issues Conference 2008. I regret I will not be able to attend. However, I have interest in attending the UT White Issues Conference 2008, and will clear my business and personel calender to attend this. Please advise when this conference will occur. Sincerely, John Alan Jones Alumni

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am . A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called ―Mother‖ ! After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it. Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed!

In politics you must always keep running with the pack. The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured, the rest will turn on you like wolves. - RA Butler

From kenn@kennspenns.com - Ken Hill, El Paso
G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave. Clinton was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse." The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?" Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

South Carolina Politics
Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever. - Albert Einstein

A few things I have learned from Jewish friends
The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon. No meal is complete without leftovers. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times. Never take a front row seat at a Bris. Next year in Jerusalem . The year after that, how about a nice cruise? Never leave a restaurant empty handed.

Always whisper the names of diseases. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy? If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.

Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards
Under same management for over 5,763 years. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case. What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand? Shul committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.

Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University : "The future of the Jewish people is in your hands." My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty. A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all right?" Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?," the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front. "What are my choices?," Moshe asked. "Yes, or no," she replied. An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Gevarter, are you comfortable?" Gevarter replies, "I make a nice living...." A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck." At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and forgot to write a letter.

Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy." The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy." The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our grandchildren."

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made." Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them." The confused girl returns to her mother and says: "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?" The mother answers, "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."

S.A.T. TEST QUESTIONS
The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale , Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the President someday.) Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What ar e steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section." A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome . Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

One day a 5th grade class was taking a field trip but the weather was extremely bad and the trip was to be delayed and they had to stay in a hotel for the night. So Little Johnny was sleeping in the same room as his teacher. In the middle of the night the teacher woke up and was frightened by the sight of Johnny standing right over her. He asked if he could sleep with her cause he couldn't sleep. She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a little closer and she said okay. Then he asked if he could put his finger in her belly button and she said "NO" "But my mommy lets me do it when I can't sleep and it helps." So the teacher says, "Okay fine, do whatever your mom lets you do." A few minutes later the teacher says "OH. that's not my bellybutton. " And Johnny says, "that's not my finger."

A parrot developed the bad habit of screwing the farmer's hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald. The following day, the farmer's wife hosts a formal dinner. She thinks it would be unique if the parrot greeted the guests and told them where to go. She had spent nearly a year training the parrot for this. As the guests began entering, the parrot dutifully announced, "Ladies to the right! Gentlemen to the left!" Spotting two bald guys entering, the parrot says, "And you two chicken-fuckers get up here with me."

Caller:

Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller:

No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this? Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about? Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this! Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Abe went to a brothel and told the madam, "I want a girl withbig boobs and a small box." "Why?" she asked him. "Never mind!" replied Abe. "I`m paying for it. I want a girl with big tits and a small cooze!" "No problem," said the madam. "Go straight up the stairs to room 23." A few minutes later there was a knock on the door, and a young woman walked in. "Okay," she said, "are you the guy with the big mouth and the small pecker?"

True Friendship - None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card - Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. When you are sad – I will help you get drunk and plot revenge Against the sorry bastard who made you sad. When you are blue – I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. When you smile – I will know you finally got laid. When you are scared – I will rag on you about it every chance I get. When you are worried – I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. When you are confused – I will use little words. When you are sick – Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. When you fall – I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making love with her husband to spice things up. She replied, "You mean imagine that it's good?!"

Elsie the Cow and Ferdinand the Bull were on either side of a fence. Elsie the Cow gave him a wink and he leaped over the fence to her side. "Aren't you Ferdinand the Bull?" she asked. "Just call me Ferdinand. The fence was a lot higher than I thought." .

Do Not Forward This Entire E-Mail
If you decide to forward a joke or jokes via e-mail, please use your "copy and paste" feature to send just the joke, removing the headers, footers, addresses and unsuitable material. Here's how to do it: Point to the first letter of the text you want to copy and left click and hold down and drag the pointer to the end of the text and then let up on the left button. Now hover the pointer over the highlighted text and right click and choose copy from the pull down menu. Now open a new fresh write mail form and point to the main body of the new mail and right click and then touch on paste. Wham the copied text is pasted into your mail. Now select the subject and who you want to send it to and touch on send. OR Go to the joke or information you want to send. You can press control+shift+end to select to the end of the document or control+shift+down arrow to the end of the joke. Then, press control+c for copy. Then create a new message and then press control+v to paste the information.

Dis clai me r
This private e-mail correspondence is not affiliated with or endorsed by any corporation, organization or Internet Service Provider. The material contained herein is solely the responsibility of the author. This is a private e-mail correspondence and is intended for the addressee only. It is protected communication under the provisions of the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America and other applicable state and federal laws.

If you do not wish to receive further private e-mail correspondence from me, send me an e-mail stating same. If any of the jokes or language ever offend you, I apologize. I try to put in a little something for everybody ....
some funny, some groaners, some raunchy .... but never anything mean-spirited. I sincerely hope you enjoy them.

Mirth Missives is not for everyone. Particularly in business settings, some of the material may be problematic, possibly leading to sexual harassment or unlawful discrimination charges. To protect you and me, please do not receive Mirth Missives on a computer at your place of employment, or on a computer owned or installed at any fraternal or civic organization site. If you decide to print a copy of Mirth Missives, treat it as
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Mirth Missives is about Mirth not legalities. Please help me keep it that way.

PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THIS E-MAIL
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Security Alert

Who's never won? Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music. No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.19/1257 - Release Date: 2/3/2008 5:49 PM No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.20.2/1272 - Release Date: 2/11/2008 5:28 PM

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