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Ultimate Guide to Handling Shit Tests

50 Cool Comebacks to Drive Her Wild!!!

By Artisan

Table of Contents

Why Do Women Test Men? 3
She Will Test You Until Youre Dead 4
Basic Principles 4
Ways of Handling Congruency Tests 5
I Have a Boyfriend 9
I Dont Give Out My Number 10
I Have to Go 10
Bitchiness and Blowouts 11
Insults 12
General Questions 13
Non-Verbal 14
Non-Compliance (rejects your kiss) 14
Random 15
Jumping Through Her Hoops 16
Free Resources, Texting Girls and Personal Coaching 17

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Why Do Women Test Men?

There are 3 main reasons a woman will test a man.

#1. She has a legitimate reason

She may actually have a boy friend or she may actually really be in a hurry and needs
to get back to her friends. Not all women just make up excuses. A lot of them really do
have other things going on that are more important than talking to you or giving out
her number. So just deal with it and except it. Dont be butt-hurt, instead be genuinely
happy for her that she has a boyfriend. Remember, abundancy mentality!

#2. Defense system (aka bitch shield)

Beautiful women get approached all the time. Especially out at night when lame guys
have liquid courage. Could you imagine how annoying that must get? Women need a
defense system to weed out the guys that arent worth their time. So, if a girl back-
turns you at a bar, it might just be her defense system at work. If you can interrupt her
defense pattern in such a way that shows you are unaffected by her behavior then you
are in and it will actually (most of the time) make her attracted to you.

#3. Shes interested in you and wants to test for congruency

Have you ever thought that she might actually be into you and she just wants to make
sure youre not full of shit!? Thats right, she might be testing to see if youre really as
cool/confident as you seem. The best way to find out for sure is to do or say something
that will try to throw you off your game. If you arent thrown off by her test, then the
attraction will skyrocket. If, however, you get offended or seem affected by what she
did or said, you will lose attraction.

A good example of failing her congruency test is you go in for a kiss and she turns her
head and you respond with, hey whats wrong I thought you liked me? GAME OVER.

Whatever the reason is that she gives you an objection does matter so much. What
matters is how you handle it. All you really have to do is.

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She Will Test You Until Youre Dead

Women test men for life.

Yes, thats right. It never ends. Well, until you are dead that is. Even in a relationship.
Even when you are married. Your women will still test you. WHY? Because, its her way
of feeling your strength and power as a man. Shes a woman and she wants to feel
your masculine strength. It turns her on. One reason so many relationships fail is
because the man responds the wrong way to a woman when she just wants to feel his
strength. Instead the man gets mad and is affected by her.

Dont be mad or upset that a woman is testing you. She is doing you a favor. She wants
you to be a man. She wants you to be masculine. She wants you to be confident and
unaffected. She wants you to be her rock. Overcoming a shit test is the fastest way to
spark high levels of attraction and arousal in a woman because it shows you are a real

So next time a woman gives you a test you should be excited because she just wants to
feel your masculine power as a man so she can be more attracted to you. Learn to love
the shit test. In fact, from here on out we are no longer calling them shit tests, we
are calling them congruency tests. Why? Because, congruency tests sound like a good

Basic Principles

#1. Dont be affected by her congruency test

Nothing a woman says or does should throw you off because you are a sold man. You
are like a rock. Nothing can break you, not even a woman telling you to fuck off!
Nothing phases you because you are a high value man who gets his worth and value
from himselfnot some random girl at a club. Be non reactive when a random beautiful
woman says something that surprises you because you really dont care about her that
much. She hasnt done anything to win your approval yet so why would you care if she
says something unexpected or mean? I have one word for you.ignore.

#2. Managing tension

Women love tension. Think about it, women love drama right? Drama is tension. When
a woman seduces a man does she just tear at him like a savage beast? Well, maybe in
porno. No, she teases him, makes him think shes gonna take her panties off but then
she pulls them back up. She creates tension.
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Men, however, generally want to release tension. When a woman tests us it creates
tension and most men have the tendency to break the tension right away. Instead,
have fun with the tension. Amplify the tension. Dance with the tension. And introduce
more tension. An example would be when a girl says, I have a boyfriend and you
respond by looking her straight in the eyes and say, and now you also have a
lover.shhh we wont tell him.

#3. Do the unexpected

Shes expecting you to give dont give up you fool! Do what she doesnt expect
like go in for a kiss. She says, I have a boyfriend and you say, well that deserves a
hug. Think shed expect that?

Doing or saying something she doesnt expect breaks her set pattern or routine and
creates attraction.

Ways of Handling Congruency Tests

#1. Ignore anything that doesnt help you

Why would you talk about ANYTHING that isnt going to serve the pick up?


Her: I have to go
You: Oh That reminds me

You: Cool tattoo, what does that tattoo mean?
Her: I got it when my fianc died
You: What does that other tattoo mean?
Note: You are actually doing her a favor because she doesnt want to talk about
how her fianc died!

#2. Agree and Absurdify

You never want to logically get in an argument with her. That just plain isnt attractive.
Instead, agree with it because thats not what shed expect. And then blow it out of
proportion because its funny and humor can diffuse almost any situation!

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Her: I dont give out my number.
You: Of course you dont, well just have to use telepathy

Her: I dont give out my number
You: Itll be ok, Im just gonna call you 50 times a day
(a guy who really calls a girl 50 times a day would never admit it)

Her: turns her back on you
You: You do that so well. I have a little sister and she gets hit on all the time so
you have to teach me so I can show her. Is it like this? (Turn in such a way that
makes fun of her)

Her: No I cant go with you
You: My God, how refreshing...Someone who can say no... So many people
have trouble saying no...they give all those lame excuses like.

Her: I have a boyfriend
You: Of course but Im from the boyfriend replacement agency and Im sorry to
inform you that hes broken up with you

BONUS: NLP Formula for Agree and Absurdify (credit Vince Kelvin)

Step 1: Agreement - Talk about what is.

- Use I understand or of course
EXAMPLE: I understand you dont give your number away or of course you have a

Step 2: Negation - Talk about what isnt.

- Use and its not like
EXAMPLE: And its not like Im asking you to passionately make out with me
EXAMPLE: And its not like were going to have hot passionate sex all night long

Step 3: Suggestions - Talk about how it isnt

- Use positive statements make out passionately
EXAMPLE: start to hang out just like lovers, and make out passionately

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Step 4: Negotiation - Talk about how it could be.

- Use but if we did or but if you would
EXAMPLE: but it would be fun to at least get to know each other a little bit more

Step 5: Direction or Restriction - Talk about what will be.

- Use So I tell you what or so lets at least or but if we did have sex youd have
to promise me you wouldnt become a sex crazed nympho stalker.
EXAMPLE: So I tell you what, lets at least find a way to be in touch and briefly chat
some more

I understand you have a boyfriend, and its not like were going to have hot passionate
sex right here in public, yet itd be funto at least hang out as friends

#3. Turn it around on her

Blame it all on herin a fun playful way of course.


Her: I have a boyfriend
You: Slow down, youre already thinking about me as boyfriend material, jeez?

Her: Heres my card
You: what! your business card? Thats lame. no thanks, give me your number

Her: Youre such a dick
You: Yeah but you love dick I can tell

Her: I dont like your shirt
You: Well it doesnt like you either

Her: Are you gay?
You: I dont think solets find out (then go in for a kiss)

Her: Youre not my type
You: You dont seem like the type that has a type

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#4. Canned

Think about this, if your 7-year old cousin said, you look gay, would you say, shut up
you bitch! NO, of course not. Youd say, aw thats cute, who taught you that?
because youre unaffected by it right? It didnt hurt your feelings because shes just a 7-
year old. So treat the girl testing you like shes your 7-year old cousin.


You are just too adorable

What are we gonna do with you?

Hold out your hand (smack it) Bad girl

#5. Genuine

Sometimes if shes being super rude then you could just be genuine and tell her how
shes acting.


Her: Fuck off
You: Oh I get it. You probably act this way all the time. And I bet most people
by it. But I dont by it. I bet you act all rude to people and a lot of people
think youre a bitch, but I think youre like a candy all hard on the outside
and all soft on the inside. You just have to act this way because there are
so many lame guys hitting on you (point away so she doesnt associate
you with lame guys) and you get sick of it. But Ill tell you what, Ill give
you one more chance.

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Her: I have a boyfriend
You: I know I'm from the boyfriend replacement agency. He cant make it

Her: I have a boyfriend
You: He's mine you bitch (said in a feminine tone)

Her: I have a boyfriend
You: I have a math test
Her: huh? So?
You: I thought we were naming things we could cheat on

You: "Do you want me to call you?"
Her: "I have a boyfriend"
You: "That's not what I asked you"

Her: I have a boyfriend
You: "Come on, sneak away with me right now

Her: I have a boyfriend
You: Oh I was so worried youd never find someone. Your family and friends
they all thought it was hopeless

Her: I have a boyfriend
You: And now you also have a lover. That's pretty impressive. Shhh we won't
tell anyone it'll be our little secret. He can buy you all the shoes and
jewelry you want, and I'll do all the things your boyfriend is too afraid to
do to you.

Her: I have a boyfriend
You: Would he be mad that Im hitting on you?
Her: Well yeah
You: Well it sounds like you need a new boyfriend

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Her: I don't give out my number
You: Why? we're just gonna have mad passionate text all night long. Are you
textually active?

Her: I dont give out my number
You: Wow finally a girl that can say no. Thats actually refreshing.

Her: I dont give out my number
You: Oh my god you poor dear, then you must not have any friends huh? Ive
never met anyone with zero friends before. Ok, Ill tell you what, Ill be
your first friend, but you have to promise you dont go all crazy calling me
all the timepromise?


Her: I have to go
You: No, what u have to do is X (X=find a way for us to be in touch, tell me
something cool about yourself in 33 words or less, etc)
Credit: Vince Kelvin

Her: I have to go
You: Change of plans youre coming with me

Her: I have to get back to my friends
You: Your friends they left you. They hired me I'm a male escort. So what do
you want to do the rest of the night? I expect a big tip

Her: I have to go
You: Perfect so do I. Lets at least exchange numbers and if youre cool on the
phone, maybe well hang out
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Her: I have to go
You: Of course you have to go, its not like Im going to seduce you right here in
the store in front of everyone. But, if I dohang out with you well have
to get to know each other first.


Her: Get lost
You: Let's play Who's The Most Stuck-Up Tonight, congratulations so far youre

Her: Sorry youre not our type
You: Oh I didnt think you were the type that had a type

Her: Snood remark
Me: So sorry your highness, please forgive me (sarcastic tone)
Credit: Vince Kelvin

Her: Sorry, were having a conversation here
You: "Come on you can do better than that, at least give me a good Fuck You.
I'm a big boy I can handle it"

Her: Sorry youre not our type
You: Listen Hun, you need to lower your standards the way I just did

Her: Continually saying no to your requests
You: Well better luck next time and walk away

Her: Being feisty
You: You guys are feisty like the powerpuff girls
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Her: Fuck off!
You: Oh I get it, I bet you act this way all the time but I dont buy it. I bet
people think youre a bitch but deep down your as sweet as a piece of
candy thats hard on the outside and soft on the inside. You just have to
act this way because you get hit on a lot. Its ok I understand. Ill give you
another chance.


Her: Do your parents know youre gay? (Yes is a bad answer and No is a
bad answer)
You: Aw youre cute

Her: Insult
You: "weak" or "wow" and look unimpressed

Her: Insult
You: "Aaaaaaand youre done"

Her: Are you gay or something?
You: Oh my god.Imwell Im not sure. I need to find out! Come here. (Go in
for a kiss)

Her: Youre not funny
You: Your face is not funny

Her: Youre X (X=stupid, gay, lame, ugly, etc.)
You: Your face is X

Her: Insult
You: Fake high-five. Go for high five and then when shes about to high five you
back look away and scratch your head.

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Her: How old are you?
You: You tell me first
Her: Im only 18
You: Oh youre way too old for me or oh my god youre over the hill (if she's

Her: What's your age?
You: (answer)
Her: Wow youre old
Me: Yeah it's fucking scandalous
Credit: James Marshall

Her: Where are you from?
You: I'm not from around here. I need a green card. Let's get married. Ill be
your trophy husband. Are you ok with sex only 3 times a day?

Her: What do you do?
You: I'm a professional pick pocketer. Your panties, theyre mine.

Her: Where are you from?
You: I'm just a product of your imagination I'm not even real. You have a crazy
imagination. Let's see how crazy you really are.

AMOG (alpha male of the group)

AMOG: Comes into your set.
You: "Hey man I'll pay you a hundred dollars right now to take these girls away
from me", then flex and say "ladies what do you think of these huge
muscles", point to the AMOG and say, "I'm gonna hire you to be my X"
X=bodyguard, website designer, etc.

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AMOG: Youre gay
You: No, Im straight. My boyfriends gay

AMOG: Youre gay
You: Sorry man youre not my type


Just look at her like 'are you serious? Do you not see how cool I am?' or 'are you from
mars because every woman here wants me'

If she whines or complains play mini violin or make a tear gesture.


Her: We're not having sex, I just met you
You: I have to wake up early besides I have whisky dick (then keep escalating)

Her: I don't have sex on the first date
You: Oh my god I'm so flattered, I'm gonna be your first. Seriously I like you, I
want to be close to you but we don't have to go all the way

You: Go in for a kiss
Her: Turns away
You: "Youre adorable, you don't know how to kiss, youre out of practice don't
worry I will help you"

You: Go in for a kiss
Her: Wow what are you doing?
You: Look confused and say, I dont know, you must have put some sort of spell
on me. I knew it, youre some sort of hypnotist that puts spells on poor
suspecting guys
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Her: Says or does something you dont like
You: "That's it youre cut"

You: Come over here
Her: I cant
You: You are losing major cool points. I like girls that are X. X=the opposite
behavior of what shes doing, adventurous, spontaneous, etc.

Her: Non-responsive
You: "Hmm you guys need some shots then come find me"

Her: Continuously says no
You: Finally I met my match someone that can say no. But you'll change your
mind I'm very persuasive/charming

Her: Turns her back when you open
You: Nice, you have to teach me that. My sister is way too nice and talks to
everyone. I need to show her how to do that. Is it like this? (turn your
back on her and mock her behavior)

If you don't start behaving I'm putting you on timeout

Thats minus 10 cool points

Go like this, proceed to hold out your hand until she mimics you. Then slap her
hand and say the next one will be on your ass

Come on dont be gay


Her: You just hit on my friend
You: What can I say I'm a man of good taste

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You: Youre cute
Her: Thanks
You: Don't thank me I didn't make you.although I do have a lot of god-like
Note: this is not a congruency test just a demonstration of a clever way to

You: Cool hat
Her: Thanks
You: Dont thank me I didnt make italthough I do have a sense of
appreciation for it
Credit: Vince Kelvin
Note: this is not a congruency test just a demonstration of a clever way to

Her: Are you a pick up artist?
You: Really? Is that the best you got? Lame!


Her: Buy me a drink
You: What do I get?
Her: She responds
You: Come on you can do better than that

Her: Buy me a drink
You: Sure you get the first round Ill get the next round

Her: Will you X? X=buy a drink, buy diner, lend money, etc.
You: I don't X, let's get to know each other then take it from there

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