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Conspiracy toTakeO ver
Student Government Expo id
By Andrew Pernick
Documents obtained by The Stony Brook recognizes USG, and it is from hence- written by Thompson at Syed's direction. The
Pressprove that a conspiracy exists to take over forth established that USG shall fully fake letter claimed that Christian groups as well
U.S.G. in a naked grab for power. abide by the CORE Laws [emphasis added]." as Hillel and Chabad are "not open, they are
"You can see how it's a elitist." The letter further
Attempted Coup bill that is not designed to claimed that "it is obvious that
help clubs but instead to give clubs like Gospel Choir,
The Stony Brook Press has obtained someone certain power," said Chabad, and M.S.A. [Muslim
irrefutable evidence of an attempt by a campus al-Shareffi. Student Association] use meet-
group to overthrow the duly-elected U.S.G. Irfan al-Shareffi and ings as a way to guilt less
Syed, Chair of CORE, the Committee of Religious Nyquist, seeing that CORE had active members. I myself have
Entities, which was established by U.S.G., is effectively overthrown the fallen victim to this. We can-
attempting to usurp all of U.S.G.'s powers to legitimate student government, not allow religion to run this
himself and make U.S.G. answerable solely to filed a Writ of Judicial Relief campus." In discussing how
him. Syed, as Chair of CORE, wrote to U.S.G. with the U.S.G. Supreme Court, the letter was to be phrased,
President Jared Wong, "CORE officially recog- seeking to prevent "the Thompson wrote to a co-con-
nizes USG, and it is from henceforth established enforcement of the CORE Laws spirator, "I'm also going to
that USG shall fully abide by the CORE Laws." until such time as the USG insult MujadeenRider [sic]."
In an interview, former U.S.G. Executive Judiciary hears the case before In an interview al-
Vice-President Esam al-Shareffi said, "you can it and renders a judgement." Shareffi said, "I never wrote
see that if CORE is allowed to continue, that it The Supreme Court issued the this. . . everything here in this
would dictate the Undergraduate Student injunction, suspending CORE letter is clearly an imperson-
Government and, through virtue of that, since until vacancies in the court ation, not something that was
U.S.G. gives funding to clubs and organizations can be filled and the case can written by me ... Just to cor-
on campus, pretty much every club and organi- be decided. rect the record, I fully support
zation on campus would have to answer to this According to al- all the religious groups on
CORE." Shareffi, "in every hearing in campus, I hope that they are
The Undergraduate Student Government every case, the respondent, funded."
created a subcommittee, consisting of Syed and. who in this case is Mr. Syed and the U.S.G. Lewis admitted that he participated in
Rustum Nyquist and chaired by Syed, to find a Senate, have never sent any representative to the drafting the fake letter.
way to fund religious clubs and organizations U.S.G. Supreme Court." In addition, Thompson, on numerous
within the scope of the U.S.G. Constitution con- Acting with Syed is Senator Andrew occasions, impersonated al-Shareffi on stony-
sistent with state and federal laws, according to Thompson. The two worked not only to bring, even going so far as to use both
al-Shareffi. Soon after, a bill entitled "CORE down U.S.G., but to force out individual mem- al-Shareffi's real e-mail address and screen
Laws" was introduced to the Senate; this bill, bers of the student government, and weaken, if name. To ensure maximum readership,
sources say, was written without Nyquist's not destroy, various student groups. Thompson wrote that he would "do Esam [al-
knowledge by Syed and possi- According to Bill Lewis, Shareffi] posts only over the weekdays."
bly a third party. The bill who participated in many of Said Thompson of al-Shareffi, "We're
passed the Senate by a narrow Syed's meetings and has inti- taking him out."
margin and was not vetoed by mate knowledge of the inner Thompson further tried to discredit al-
U.S..G President Jared Wong. workings of the conspiracy Shareffi by trying to paint al-Shareffi as being
As soon as CORE was headed by Syed, including against EOP via a forged post on stonybrook-
established by U.S.G., Syed planning many of the specific entitled "EOP HATERS."
became its chairman. The actions taken, "Irfan Syed is, al-Shareffi told The Stony Brook Press
Press has been unable to learn and was, the one in total con- that he was "not surprised" to learn that
who, if anyone, was selected to trol of his fight with U.S.G. His Thompson was behind the forged posts. He went
work with him, as the CORE number two man is Andrew on to add that, "It's really a shame that a U.S.G.
Laws required. The Senate Thompson. Basically put, no senator [Thompson], and Mr. Syed, who is a very
established CORE to allocate one, under any circumstances, intelligent person, would use their resources
funding from the Student: is allowed to do anything with- and their skills in destroying something where
Activity Fee among legitimate out the express consent and they can just as easily be helping it and helping
campus religious groups; how- permission of Irfan Syed. No the student body as a result. Instead, they've
ever, Syed perverted the CORE bills are allowed to be passed, chosen to take this path which I believe is ille-
Laws to control all campus no friendships or acquaintanc- gal, and certainly is immoral and reprehensi-
clubs and organizations. es are allowed to be made, no ble."
Syed's ego throughout this social gatherings are allowed Sources have alleged that Syed was
matter is evident from his des- to be attended with anyone who attempting to "train" Senators to follow his
ignation of groups seeking has any association with U.S.G., wishes in an attempt to increase his control over
funding not as "applicants" but as "suppli- unless you have received permission and the U.S.G. Said al-Shareffi, "it is very obvious that
cants," defined by Princeton University's blessing of Irfan Syed. Otherwise, he will turn there is a group of senators that are in a bloc
WordNet as "one praying humbly for some- on you and make you out to be the enemy." that has either been influenced or trained or
thing." what have you to vote certain ways on almost
The CORE Laws, as enacted, allow CORE The Forced Resignation every issue. .. it seems very clear that either all
to deem any club or organization a "religious of these senators think very much alike in an
entity," bringing that club or organization al-Shareffi also says that he was forced extraordinary way, or more likely, these people
under CORE's control, and with Syed as at its to resign as Executive Vice-President of U.S.G. have been influenced or trained to give their
head, CORE declared itself in complete control due to a conspiracy to slander and malign him. views."
over any club or organization it deemed such an He claims that the lies and misinformation were Syed said of Senator Joanne Marino, "We
entity, effectively giving Syed complete control spread by Syed and Thompson and were "the have to train her. .. She has one week to com-
over virtually all campus clubs. Syed did not main factor" behind his resignation. al- ply."
stop there. As CORE's first official action, he Shareffi acknowledged that his letter of resig- Thompson declined to consent to an
declared U.S.G. a club subject to CORE's author- nation cited his workload as the reason for his interview. Attempts to reach Syed for a com-
ity. In a letter to U.S.G. President Wong, Syed, resignation, but he told The Stony Brook Press ment failed.
as Chairman of CORE, wrote "CORE hereby rec- that the pressures brought on him by Syed,
ognizes Undergraduate Student Government Thompson and others involved drove him from Attacking EOP
(USG) as belonging to at least one of the follow- office.
ing categories; [a] CORE club, organization, Part of the plan to oust al-Shareffi was a al-Shareffi was not the sole target of this
agency, body, [or] service provider. By the falsified letter circulated on the letterhead of consniracv. In addition to Sved. Thomoson
power vested in me, CORE officially U.S.G., attributed to al-Shareffi, but actually

Page 2
_ __

High School StudentsThink Media has

"Too Much Freedom"
By Marcel Votlucka
"Congress shall make no law respecting an agreed with the government's policy of embed-. much speculation as to why students are so
establishment of religion, or prohibiting the ding reporters in combat zones, and about the accepting of censorship these days.
free exercise thereof; or abridging the same number said that the government should "Even professional journalists are often
freedom of speech, or of the press; or the review these journalist's reports from combat unaware of a lot of the freedoms that might be
right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to zones prior to publication. Furthermore, 68% associated with the First Amendment." So says
petition the government for a redress of griev- said that the media did a "good" or "excellent" Jack Dvorak, the director of the High School
ances. " job covering the war. Journalism Institute. His view is that students
This is in spite of nearly half of respon- are not learning enough about First Amendment
-The First Amendment to the Constitution dents saying that they believe Americans have rights and freedoms in their classes-to say
too little information about the government's nothing about American adults. The aforemen-
One in three high school students tioned survey of high school students con-
believe that newspapers ought to get govern- cluded that civics classes should do more to
ment approval of stories before they may be educate students about the First
published. A survey conducted by the High Amendment and its protections of free
School Journalism Institute at Indiana speech and the free press.
University shows an alarming trend among In contrast, libertarian commentator
students toward accepting media censorship. Michael Tennant argues that this pervasive
36% said that newspapers should get lack of understanding of first amendment
government approval of stories, while slight- issues is due to government-run public
ly more than half believe that the press schools systematically dis-informing stu-
ought to be able to publish freely. Moreover, dents. He points out, "the overwhelming
32% say the press has "too much freedom," majority of Americans have been educated in
while only 10% believes it has too little. government schools. If you were in charge
The survey polled over 100,000 stu- of shaping the minds of future generations,
dents and 8,000 teachers; 83% of students would you teach them how to defeat you and
believe that people should be allowed to your grand designs for the future? Well,
express unpopular opinions-as opposed to neither would the government; and since it
97% of teachers. has a near monopoly on shaping the minds of
These findings mimic those of the 2004 future generations, it's only natural that
State of the First Amendment survey, which most people haven't a clue as to what their
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would be willing to increase government reg- should be exercised and defended."
ulation in the media, 40% believe the press has anti-terrorist efforts. It should be noted that in There is plenty of disagreement regarding
too much freedom. the lead up to the Iraq War, antiwar protests the origins of this lack of knowledge of the
This is in spite of the fact that nearly 80% were largely ignored and the vast majority of rights and freedoms enshrined by the First
of respondents said that the media is responsi- sources used by news organizations were from Amendment, which leads one to wonder: what
ble for acting as a watchdog on government. the government and military. implications does this have for the future?
In a similar vein, 2003's State of the First Overall, these recent surveys confirm According to Knight Foundation President
Amendment survey revealed that 34% believe suspicions that many Americans believe the Hodding Carter, whose company conducted the
that First Amendment freedoms "go too far." press has too much freedom and are unaware of aforementioned survey, "Ignorance about the
Other findings from that survey regarded the Constitutional protections of freedom of speech basics of this free society is a danger to this
war in Iraq: about two-thirds of respondents and freedom of the press. In addition, there is nation's future."

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Page 3
Rate Hike! RateHi ke!
Pataki Recommends Tuition Incre ase By Marcel Votlucka
Governor Pataki is proposing increasing total cost of attending Stony Brook averages reject the proposed tuition increase in favor of
SUNY and CUNY operating budgets through a $13,000. a plan that is less harsh. One SB student com-
tuition increase while cutting the financial aid Critics argue that the proposed budget plains, "A combination of tuition hikes and
necessary for many students to pay for it. would put even more weight on student's backs. financial aid cuts will price students out of an
Yet another tuition increase is part of a 75% of full time enrolled students at Stony affordable higher education."
list of recommendations in Governor Pataki's Brook receive financial aid, with an average
2005-2006 Executive Budget. Among his rec- award of $9,121. Incoming freshmen would
ommendations is a $500 tuition increase for likely see this figure dwindle as their tuition
SUNY students and a $250 increase for CUNY rates grow. On top of that, the budget proposal
students, coupled with a restructuring of the calls for automatic tuition increases each year.
Tuition Assistance Program which could result Furthermore, NYPIRG includes in its
in reducing awards to new students by as much criticisms a glaring lack of accountability in
as half. Pataki's budget also calls for eliminat- the system, and points out that there is no guar-
ing financial aid funding for EOP, HEOP, and antee ithat the money gleaned from the tuition
SEEK programs. While the proposed budget hikes ":will be put to practical use. Other states
increases SUNY and CUNY operating budgets, have tried similar plans, and students have seen
these increases will be supported by tuition additional rate increases despite the fact that
revenue for the most part. these
'were unspecified, and thus unexpected;
A NYPIRG press release provides an NYPIRG questions whether this situation will
overview of the budget proposals, criticizing the repeat itself here.
governor's plan as hurting students already Stony Brook students could be among
struggling to pay for their education. SUNY those hardest hit by the budget proposals; it is
tuition for out of state students was increased expected that students here could pay up to
last year too, so the proposed hike compounds 50% more than students at other SUNY schools
already expensive education costs. in the event of a tuition increase, given this uni-
In-state undergraduate students cur- versity's greater expenses compared to other
rently pay $4,350 in tuition costs, while grad- SUNY schools.
uate students pay $6,900. When we add in room Therefore, NYPIRG and Stony Brook stu-
and board and other necessary expenses, the dents are calling for the state government to

The (Disastro
us) State of the Union
By Michael Prazak
"Did you here about that? The President Security, and placing it into the hands of pri- own nation. Additionally, he hasn't been the
wants to take Social Security and privatize it. He vate individuals and industry, Bush is ignoring steadiest of allies to nations actively moving
wants to take that money and put it into the the historical origins of the system. His claim towards democracy and social freedom.
stock market. Have you followed the stock mar- that Social Security must change for "changing Freedom, where is thy lion-like roar that cowed
ket? Why not just bet it on a horse!" times," is nice in sentiment, but weak in appli- the butchers and murderers of the lands of
- David Cross, comedian cation. It smacks of the secretly profiting the Moses and David, when dealing with Tibet; when
rich anchor-weight that has been Bush's bread faltering behind the idealistic youths whom
This last Wednesday president George and butter since his installation rebelled and bled on- the
W. Bush presented his State of the Union speech into power. By privatizing Social streets of Tehran for the
to Congress, as well as to a bewildered and Security, he places responsibili- same freedom we are sup-
deeply divided public. Unfortunately, it read ty for it onto the individual, posed to represent? It was-
like a trite and standard reiteration of many of which implies more faith in the n't there. If Bush would
the core tenants his administration has herald- good of man than the socialist simply be honest about the
ed and celebrated. No conciliatory or inclusive origins of the system. The reason reasons for engaging Iraq,
sentiment was expressed, as he bulldogged we now have Social Security in more pragmatic about the
through the policies he intended to enact. place is that it was noted that our policies he enacts many
Granted, the State of the Union address is typi- nation might not always be on would likely be able to at
cally used as fantastical sounding boards for economic stable ground. It may least look at him in a more
whatever, president and administration happens wane and falter, and therefore it forgiving light. However, to
to occupy the White House. It goes without say- is the responsibility of our gov- hide behind ideals like
ing that many of the upbeat and "progressive" ernment to provide for us, with freedom and democracy is
ideas stressed during this speech will most the wealth and power we, the unfair to both the people of
likely get tied up in congressional red tape and people, have placed in its hands. this nation, and even more
never see the light of day. Thus, the actual con- Succinctly put, Bush is relying so, the people of the world.
tent of the speech is usually ephemeral and on economic growth and stabi- One of the brighter sides
merely reflects more the state of the political lization for our country; history to watching the State of the
consciousness, and less the state of the Union. has proven dreams like that as Union was witnessing some
Typically this lurks within what isn't said, the dangerous to believe in. of the first active and vocal
interactions in the silence between pauses and

political aficionados into a tizzy. On this crowaea,

The second topic of con-
the distribution of applause that sends the troversy to exhaust onto the
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ground, this State of the Union was a veritable Saxon, floor of Congress was that of the expan-

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feast of scandal and dirt. sion of freedom and democracy in a global sense. Security, to the stern faced and rarely clapping
The focus from the media has been on Here is where the Bush ideology loses any logi- now infamous right side of the gallery, we are
two particular topics, which incidentally also cal footing. It's full of contradictions and para- maybe witnessing the generation of some cajones
provoked the biggest reactions from the assem- noid delusions where people aren't people, they in the Democratic Party. I'm hoping this dissent
bled peanut gallery. First, Social Security are milling ants in need of the blinding light of leads to something more productive, but only
reared its New Deal head and yawned a dry freedom to remove the drapes off the world they time will tell on that account. Until then, it only
breath of air through the halls of congress. live in. On that ground, Bush is out of his fuck- stands to reason that Lieberman is an android
According to Bush, its breath was plagued by ing mind. He criticizes the active usage and sent back in time by a Republican government
halitosis and was deeply in need of a legislative implementation of clean and safe nuclear ener- in order to ensure the watering down of the
mint LifeSaver. He hoped to drop its dentures gy in other countries as attempts to gain Democratic Party. Do you kiss your mother with
nightly into a cup full of individual responsi- weapons of mass destruction while claiming to those lips Senator Lieberman? Shame on you, for
bility and private control. By taking Social be a proponent for that very same usage in our our country, and your mothers sullied cheeks.

Page 4
The College Democr ats
By Joe Filippazzo
The Stony Brook College Democrats, know that you exist," explains Licitra who we had ,an amazing pool of latent talent and
although a fairly new presence on campus, have attributes the situation to a terrible flyer poli- incredibly motivated people, and secondly, the
already begun to make a name for themselves cy, a dearth of advertising venues and involve- College Republicans were noticeably absent."
both on the local political scene as well as on a ment fairs which were few and far between. He With no other political presence on campus, the
broader statewide level. With help from the notes that their most successful attempt to get College Dems used their small entourage of
Stony Brook campus chapter of the New York the word out was dorm storming, knocking on about twenty to make signs, flyers, schedules,
Public Interest Research Group (NYPIRG), the doors and actually conversing with other stu- totem poles and everything else they. could
College Democrats have successfully made Stony dents to show that they are involved. The think of in an incredibly organized effort to get
Brook University a political force in Suffolk response was incredible and it showed in the the vote out for students.
County. Due to the efforts of the College Dems in polling results of the November 2004 elections. "It wasn't so much that we did something
collaboration with NYPIRG, Stony Brook stu- great, but that we had people to step up," recalls
dents have single handedly affected the outcome Licitra who added, "We knew people were going
of several major local elections and together to vote for [John] Kerry but the difference was
they have shown the people in Washington that that we got people to vote for Bishop and
they willpay attention to us or else. Englebright." Both Tim Bishop, the Democratic
Currently, the College Democrats are Candidate for the New York's Is tdistrict of the
headed by President Krystyna Baumgartner, United States Cogress, and Steve Englebright,
Vice President Ted Glinka, Secretary Christine the Democratic candidate for the 4th district of
Mahon and Treasurer Ilya Gerner. The group's the New York State Assembly were elected on a
goal is to serve as a liaison between the campus very narrow margin which could be attributed
community and the Democratic Party at large. to the great number of Stony Brook student vot-
Primarily based in grassroots campaigning, ers. Also, the usually very conservative county
they hope to increase student involvement in of Suffolk went to John Kerry by an estimated
public affairs which affect the Stony Brook com- 1400 votes. Although this didn't have as much
munity most. Current Brookhaven Democratic of an effect on the national election, anyone who
Committeeman, Election District 233, Jeff thought their vote didn't count for much can see
Licitra shared with us a little history of the how important it is to speak up. We-have-to-be-
College Dems and his view of what the organiza- able to tell the people in Washington that if they
tion's successes have been as well as a glimpse don't lobby for things such as lower tuition and
at their major future goals in student advocacy. student rights in general, we will make sure
Licitra began on Democratic presiden- that they do not get reelected.
tial primary candidate Wesley Clark's campaign While Jeff Licitra has stepped down
in September of 2004, but was told that our from his position of president to pursue other
campus needed a Democratic base first. Licitra endeavors, he is still involved and excited to see
contacted the Brookhaven Democratic Committee the organization take off. Licitra even speaks of
about starting a campus chapter of the College The initial results were a total voter a long-term goal of setting up a College
Democrats. After teaming up with fellow Stony turnout of 2,627 not counting approximately Democrats network throughout the SUNY system
Brook student Ian Cook, Licitra and a group of 200 provisional ballots. John Masher, a repre- to maximize their effectiveness. With over
about six others threw together an executive sentative from NYPIRG, the group which was twenty regular members now, and a veritable
board and got the club registered. Their goal ultimately responsible for the vast majority of laundry list of progressive causes to advocate,
was to get the club up and running and making voter registration, reported the total number of the College Democrats are truly helping to
a difference in time for the November elections. registered voters at 2,985. Voter turnout for improve the quality of student life at Stony
As a founder of the organization, Licitra Stony Brook University was the highest of all Brook University.
describes the initial response of the campus the SUNY schools at an official number of 2,618,
community to their efforts. "Most people were of which 2,045 voted Democratic and 369 went The College Democrats have their week-
really receptive and like, 'Where the hell were Republican.' "It was clear to everyone that we ly meetings at 12:50pm during Campus Lifetime
you before?'" were the only ones getting out and going door to in the Union Bi-Level. For more information on
According to Jeff Licitra, the most door," Licitra remarked, "and we had an unfair upcoming events or how to get involved, visit
prominent difficulty the College Dems noticed number of people with similar beliefs." Licitra www. stonybrookdems. org.
when they first were starting out was the lack of reflects that the College Democrats had all-the
avenues through which they could get the word right ingredients to do something spectacular
out. "The campus has no means for people to on campus for the Democratic Party. "Firstly,

Page 5
Sthee sto broo

te cmn nRE
Safeate-s Dae Editorials

I Edtoril
Bord the community news and features DaDer

sub Commandante
With a Name Like Bush,
Joe Filippazzo

Managing Editor
It Has to Suck
Mike Billings fruit n 1 ) useful product of plant growth; an edible and, President, was a grand parade of what
sweet reproductive body of a seed plant. 2 )a product of makes the USA number one. It was open to all who would
fertilization in a plant; the ripe ovary of a seed plant attend. This is the land of the free, after all. Fruit,
Associate Editor
with its contents and appendages. however was not allowed.
Amberly Timperio It was felt by Bush's inauguration committee
-The New Merriam-Webster Dictionary that forty million dollars worth of security weren't
Business Manager enough to keep the ripe ovaries of the seed plants in
Michael Prazak Fruit is a nice portable snack that supplies a check. Snipers, riot squads, cavalry, state troopers from
hungry traveler with a much-needed dose of sugar, all over the south, regular enlisted men, choppers and
News Editors rejuvenating calories of readily available energy and the secret service are not enough to protect the celebra-
vitamins. Oranges are yummy and sweet, they come with tion from the tyranny of the pomegranate.
Brittany Brockner
their own eco-friendly wrapper and they're good for Of course, with the expedient service at the
David K. Ginn you. Florida makes their claim to fame on sunshine and security gates designated for those people not invited,
oranges, which indeed go hand in hand. Growing fruit or without sixty-dollar tickets, the fruit-threat was
Features Editor provides masses of people with work, effectively sus- neutralized and the poor people who came for a taste of
Melanie Donovan taining more people second-hand as well as with their freedom were relieved of the dangerous al-Qaeda sleep-
own direct supply of scrumptious nutrition. er-cell in the guise of the useful product of plant
Arts Editor Furthermore, fruit smells great and looks pretty, to the growth.
Meri Wayne point that one can find wax replicas of fruit at grand- The population control at this year's inaugura-
ma's house and one can purchase imitation fruit-funk tion was exclusively to prevent the embarrassment that
lotion and impose peachiness on a hundred yard diam- the Commander-In-Chief suffered---duriing-hs-rfirss t
Photo Editor eter around where they stand. Yum. ascension to the throne. He's illegitimate, he knows it
Jowy Romano Unfortunately for fruit and people alike, there and he doesn't care.
is a history of Republican slander of fruit. Ronald Those of us who wished to participate in our
Copy Editors Reagan, who preferred jellybeans to fruit, made an democracy and exercise our right to peaceful assembly
Matthew Willemain attempt to classify tomato ketchup, a fruit product, as a without having to pay for it (in addition to the costs of
Marcel Votlucka vegetable. Public school lunches would have been thus special favors from the public treasury for the donors
deprived of creamed corn, or soggy green beans, or tater of the forty million dollars in inauguration funds) were
Nicole Barry
tots, since the presence of the tomato paste and vinegar treated as second-class citizens and were effectively
would act as a proxy vegetable. Indeed, this policy silenced and pacified. The ceremony, like the presiden-
Production Manager would have reduced government spending. Great. Fuck cy, is a farce. It unabashedly flies in the face of the
Rob Pearsall the children, they don't need health if their parents ideals in our constitution as well as our proud tradi-
can't afford it. tions. Bush and his regime hate freedom. And fruit.
Webmaster They're trying to give fruit a bad name. Eat a peach.
Adam Hunter The most recent inauguration of the incumbent

Dustin Herlich

James Blonde Antony Lin

Philip Camacho John Mascher
Sarah Cassone Jamie Mignone
Willy Cibinskas Ali Nazir
Tom Clark Mike Nevradakis
Juliet DiFrenza Jason Ng
Mike "Bublz" Fabbri Andrew Pernick
Vincent Festa Laura Positano
Rob Gilheany Rachel Eagle Reiter
Sam Goldman Ian Rice
Tara Lynn Groth Joe Rios
Jackie Hayes Joey Safdia
Steph Hayes Tom Senkus
Adam Kearney Keith C. Smith
Rob Kruper Claudia Toloza
"Ihe Countf Morgan Wilding
LeComte Chris Williams
Joan Leong Brian Wong
Bill Lewis Jessica Worthingtor

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Page 6
the ston brook

the community news and features paper

Auschwitz Liberation Remembered

By Laura Positano
Sixty years later, Auschwitz still It was viewed as glorious to annihilate chil- ums around the world attempt to achieve this
means hell. A place that personifies all the dren, forever destroy families, and steal objective.
destruction hate and bigotry have the poten- optimism. Those who were strong were either Many students have read the "Diary of
tial to unleash, Auschwitz's inferno was forced to be slaves; doing exhausting work, Anne Frank," an actual diary of a thirteen
stopped in 1945. or had to help with the killing of their neigh- year old Jewish girl who kept believing in
Auschwitz was the largest concentra- bors in the gas chambers. the goodness of humanity, even though she
tion camp, slaughtering mainly Jews but also I remember when I was a peer educator eventually was forced out of hiding into a
other groups which irrationally intimidated in high school that there was a Holocaust concentration camp. Her fate was similar to
the Nazis. Intellectuals, secular and reli- survivor who shared his experiences with the many children imprisoned in the concentra-
gious alike, who could sway opinion against class. The horror of the smells and the inhu- tion camps. Her mother died, her father was
Hitler, were exterminated. Gypsies and dis- mane acts he witnessed as a young man still separated from Anne and her sister into the
abled people, not to mention Soviet prisoners affected him as an elderly man. Such dehu- men's camps. Because of the unhygienic con-
of war, were murdered too. manization; beyond the horrific gas cham- ditions of the camp, she died of typhoid, a
The crazy rationale for this Holocaust bers, starvation and diseases left untreated few months before the concentration camps'
was that all these different victims were not like typhoid filched lives. prisoners were liberated by Allied soldiers
really human. They were sub-par in Hitler's Sometimes, diseases were deliberately in 1945.
Nazi philosophy. Since the Jews, the gypsies, given to prisoners of Auschwitz by Nazi doc- So people nowadays know of the
the disabled, et cetera, were not Aryan per- tors. These men knew no such thing as the Holocaust's existence (though some actually
fection, it was deemed okay to torture them. Hippocratic oath. They infected prisoners deny it ever occurred). Awareness would
for supposed medical knowledge. The ovaries ideally lead to the end of stupid reasons for
and the testicular areas of some unfortunate killing people-on the basis of religion, race,
fertile Jewish prisoners were irradiated to politics, et cetera. Yet while people may be
the point of becoming infertile. Other outra- more educated about the travesty of such
geous "medical" (and I use that term quite foolishness, genocide continues to occur.
loosely since no doctor in their right mind The resilient, albeit understandably
would do such actions) experiments were emotionally scarred, survivors of the
performed on prisoners. Most of these pris- Holocaust are living testaments to the sur-
oners were killed shortly after being used in vival of the human spirit. Most of them
these insane experiments. attempt to teach younger generations about
The cold, calculated genocide that the. lessons their -undeserved hard times
ended millions of lives finally ended with taught their souls. Whether it is to grand-
the Allies (the Russians, the British, the children or students in a classroom, the hope
Americans and the French) liberating the that drives these teachers is to not repeat the
camps. Since then, Holocaust survivors have past. To not allow the losses they endured, of
tried to prevent another Holocaust by their families and their friends forever lost,
informing as many people as they can about to be in vain.
what happened. Curators of Holocaust muse-


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Page 7
The Future of Democracy in I raq
- By Jorg4e Sierra
First things first. Thank God the elec- ~----- ----- -- ,-, among tne 111 i I1SLS U
tion in Iraq was a safe one. We knew that insur- candidates running for election to the
gents hostile to election, particularly the al- National Assembly, al-Sistani's pre-
Qaeda sympathizers led by Jordanian terrorist dominantly Shiite candidates are pro-
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, would pull out all the jected to have the largest number of
stops to intimidate and attack Iraqi voters. seats, followed by the Kurds (???) and
Various mortar and suicide attacks did kill the secular pro-democracy party
some 35 people, but it was hardly a bloodbath. endorsed by interim Prime Minister
The images on the front pages were those of Ayyad al-Allawi. The next Prime
courage and triumph, as eight million people- Minister will be selected indirectly
60% of registered voters-went to the polls. By from the National Assembly. This
most accounts the elections were a resounding body will also be responsible for writ-
success. Those of us who were tense about the ing a constitution. Both Allawi's and
fate of Iraq's courageous voters now celebrate al-Sistani's parties are publicly com-
their expression of free choice and the begin- mitted to the future of Iraq and the
ning of the end for the insurgency. democratic process.
For the insurgents led by al-Zarqawi I'm a little worried, though.
made a terrible mistake. They have committed This is an important victory, but it
terrible atrocities: blowing up schools, killing does not yet win the War in Iraq. To
the families and children of pro-government or win the War in Iraq and that country's
pro-US citizens, massacring scores of patriotic struggle for autonomy, our troops sta-
young men as they signed up to be police offi- tioned there will face some more tough
cers and soldiers. The Shiite Muslims had periods, and the people of Iraq will
already rejected the violent extremism of their face even greater perils. Now that of predominantly Sunni areas of Iraq to avoid
own Muqtada al-Sadr once. Al-Zarqawi's cam- there's hope and it looks like President Bush is civil strife and pass the Constitution once it is
paign, as experienced by the Shiite majority, vindicated for a while, let's not develop amnesia drafted. This is something we cannot help the
has been so ruthless, so bloody and terrible and and call this a quagmire the minute things go Iraqis with. We can train their army, maybe
evil, that they have nothing to lose by voting. badly again. If we're going to believe in his even capture Zarqawi, but the Sunnis don't real-
The minority Sunni Muslims at least could vision of a democratic Iraq, a more just world, ly like us. This will require Iraqi-style diplo-
choose to keep their lives if they stayed home, and a world that is safer for our own interests, macy.
but for everyone else there were only two choic- let's not forget the fact that it really is "hard Beyond that, there is bound to be some
es: death, and death with hope and courage. It work." With the new government anticipated to disappointment and conflict. There will come a
makes sense that a majority of the Shiite and request the US troops to stay and train its time when the hopes of everyday Iraqis will hit
Kurdish minorities are willing to risk their armed forces, it looks like we're going to retain a wall amid the murky realities of their divi-
lives for their future. Now, things are so bad for a military presence for a while longer. sions and false ideas. When that happens in our
the anti-US insurgents that they've been The most immediate challenge for the country, we get demonstrations, maybe a little
reduced to propping up action figures in their Iraqis is the low Sunni turnout, which were violence, sometimes we even throw a president
hostage videos. exacerbated by calls for a boycott and threats out of offices. Then it seems to cool down a bit
The biggest winners, of course, are the against potential voters. The Shiite parties, and people get on with their lives. That doesn't
Shiite majority, particularly the religious particularly Allawi's, did run some Sunni can- always happen in other countries. Imagine
Shiites loyal to the Grand Ayatollah Ali al- didates on their lists, but there's little question where we'd be if someone had poisoned Thomas
Sistani, a moderate religious leader and the the Sunnis will be underrepresented. However, Jefferson in 1800? Well, that could happen in
spiritual leader of Iraq's Shiites. According to the new government still needs the cooperation Iraq.
Right now, the most powerful man in Iraq
is the Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani. He demonstrat-
ed that his commitment was first and foremost
to the people last year by demanding a rapid
democratic transition while at the same time
being willing to work with the UN and distanc-
ing himself from the violent tactics of Muqtada
al-Sadr. More importantly as far as the US is
concerned, he is on record as not really inter-
ested in creating an Islamist state. But al-
Sistani is almost 70. His influence can't last
forever, and I don't think even he is up to the
task of uniting Iraq. If and when the upcoming
government fails-as all democratic governments
must (it's part of the job description), it is
imperative that Iraq establish not just a demo-
cratic process, but a strong democratic tradi-
tion before the balance of power shifts. The
elites who have the people's best interests at
heart will not be able to win without the people
right by their side.
I think maybe they have a chance. The
images coming out of Iraq-people carrying the
elderly to the polls, voters jubilantly display-
ing their ink-stained fingers, women praying as
explosions test their courage-show that Iraqis
can take responsibility for their future. But it
will not be easy. We have seen courage of the
Iraqis. Will we have the courage to continue
standing by them when the times are tough?
When we let go, will they be able to stand on
their own, when several other so-called democ-
racies have fallen-? Let's not make the mistake
of blind optimism again. We have to continue
investing in Iraq's security.

Page 8
Tsunami Pady Airbus Aggrsive Moves Make Boeing,
Sparks Outrage Conservatives Uncomfortable
By Justin Rowe By Morgan Wilding
New York City-Airbus, the European thousands of new jobs in the US for a key con-
A controversial parody song about the
aircraft manufacturer, has recently begun an tract with the Department of Defense. This
Asian Tsunami disaster has resulted in outrage
aggressive international campaign aimed at would most likely pave the way for future
from the Asian community against radio sta-
taking over Boeing's business both in the US opportunities currently held exclusively by
tion Hot 97.
and abroad. American contractors. It is speculated that
The EU-based company, which recently Airbus would work in cooperation with
unveiled their expansive A380 project, is try- Lockheed Martin, the world's largest defense
ing to compete with American-based Boeing manufacturer, but this is as yet unconfirmed.
Corp. for dominance in the international air- This is a move to directly compete with
craft market. The new Airbus design, which can Boeing for a $100 billion Pentagon contract, a
carry from 550 to 850 passengers or 150 tons maneuver that sets many conservatives on edge.
of freight, depending on internal configuration, While a significant number of new jobs would
represents an astronomical investment for the be made by the opening of Airbus plants in the
,company, which was recently criticized by the US, some are concerned about spending so much
United States at the World Trade Organization money with a foreign company. Marvin
for being subsidized by the EU. The project is Samburg, a USAF official, said that the contract
estimated to have cost Airbus a whopping $16 was "too important an asset to give away" to a
billion, with an additional $4.3 billion in EU non-US firm. The underlying fear is that the
subsidies. Airlines from around the globe have money spent by the DoD would not be recircu-
already placed orders for just shy of 150 of the lated into the American economy, but would be
new A380s, and the massive aircraft is expect- deposited in EU coffers instead.
The hip hop station, which was #2 in the The move also makes Boeing very nerv-
ed to first hit the market with London-Sydney
NYC Arbitron fall ratings for Fall 2004, has ous, especially in light of its recent failures. In
service for Singapore Airlines in mid-2006.
received numerous emails, protests and addition to a scandal last year that occurred
The A380 is a significant competitor to
planned sponsor boycotts in response to the when former senior Pentagon procurement chief
Boeing's 747, and-is in a very different class
"Tsunami Song," a parody song based on the Darleen Druyun was recruited by Boeing after
entirely from the new 7E7 Dreamliner that
1984 hit "We Are the World," on their popular awarding a major contract to the company,
Boeing has spent a considerable amount of time
morning show hosted by Miss Jones. Boeing has also recently lost an initial $23.5
and resources developing. The A380 offers only
The song refers to the people involved billion contract to sell and lease roughly a hun-
35 more seats than a 747 in its standard con-
in the disaster as "screaming chinks" and also dred tankers to the USAF. Airbus also outper-
figuration; but sports 49 percent more usable
references to child slavery and pedophilia. The formed Boeing in the past year, selling 320 air-
song, written by show producer Rick Delgado, passenger space. Industry experts predict that
many airlines will include features such as craft versus Boeing's 285, and is expected to
was performed by Miss Jones, comic Todd Lyn maintain a stronger sales record this year as
and others on the staff. gyms, bars or lounges to increase passenger
comfort on long flights, and Virgin Airlines has well, especially with the introduction of the
After playing the song for the first A380.
even mentioned plans to put an in-flight casino
time, host Miss Jones got into a heated on-air In a final cutting sting to Boeing, the
and full-sized double beds on board. More eco-
argument with Miss Info (an entertainment new Airbus designs are more environmentally
nomically-minded companies may fill the extra
reporter of Asian descent who did not partici- friendly than the currently available Boeing
space with additional seats. By contrast, the
pate in the making of the song) who openly models, including the 7E7. The A380 is pur-
more conservatively-sized 7E7 offers 220 to
objected to the song. At one point in the con- ported to use 20% less fuel per passenger than
280 seats, depending on which of 3 variants
versation comic Todd Lyn remarked that he was currently available aircraft, and has lower
airlines purchase, with no significant recre-
going to "start shooting Asians" and Miss Jones emissions levels than current standards
ational space. The 7E7 is not scheduled to debut
told Miss Info that she's only complaining require. While environmentalists say that the
until 2008.
because she felt superior because she is Asian. difference is not highly appreciated because it
Airbus, in developing the A380, has
To add further insult to injury, the song would only barely meet new emissions stan-
considerably stretched itself. The project is
was replayed four times before the eventual dards expected to be introduced next year, the
more than $2 billion over budget, and sales of
suspension of the morning show staff. As a image of being more environmentally-con-
the new mega-liner have not been as strong as
result of protests by the Asian community cerned may cause some airlines to opt for the
desired: experts say that 250 of the aircraft
spearheaded by Queens councilman John Liu, Airbus models rather than their Boeing com-
must be sold at a $218 million price tag mere-
boycotts that urged sponsor companies such as petitors.
ly to break even, over a hundred aircraft more
McDonalds and Sprint to withdraw their ads, The A380 is expected to make its inau-
than have been ordered thus far. Even with this
and negative worldwide publicity, the station gural flight in March. It has a wingspan of 262
current financial deficit, however, the company
fired producer Rick Delgado, comic Todd Lyn feet and a maximum flight capacity of 1.5 mil-
is developing a direct competitor to the 7E7
and suspended host Miss Jones and other staff omarl thl A A ;e
w.rxhirh Pvn ctPfd tn hav.' a linn nnnnds.
for two weeks (Miss Info was not suspended,
but took time off from the show).
In a response to the controversy Hot 97
issued an apology and also announced that
their parent company Emmis Broadcasting
would donate two weeks worth of salary for the
suspended participants and a additional mil-
lion dollars for Tsunami relief efforts.
However Councilman John Liu and other
Asian community leaders want further punish-
ment to the morning show staff that includes
the firing of Miss Jones and urging Hot 97 to
assume total reasonability and a $10 million
dollar donation to Tsunami relief efforts.
These events couldn't have come at a
worse time for Hot97. The long time hip-hop
radio leader in the New York metro area is
being fiercely challenged by two-year old rival
Power 105, owned by Clear Channel. The song
debuted the same week former Hot97 morning
hosts Star and Buc Wild premiered their show
on Power 105.
Ironically Miss Jones was a former staff
member of Star and Buc Wild's old morning
tems woua Doe insLaiIie LU UA--r spcL;IIIcaIuonA.
The move is aimed at trading the creation of
Page 9
A Line inthe S ind
By Kevin Eric Clark
This Wednesday night, as I dropped in practices that stem from that ominous Texan, went to war in Iraq, and I know that a lot of
and out of the SBU Press office it occurred to George Dubya. But as I mentioned, this type people out their think it was for oil contracts
me that perhaps I should have had to buy a of vitriol is not objective political discus- or personal satisfaction, but those ideas were
ticket from the campus box office to watch sion, it's sport. unfruitful. Michael Moore couldn't prove
the activities, taking place within. I was The castigation by no means was lim- them, nor could Robert Greenwald or Al
watching with morbid fascination one of the ited to that topic, there was plenty of spite Franken or Randy Rhodes. We probably will
more popular sports on college campuses in left for topics like Social Security reform never know exactly why Bush invaded Iraq,
this country, hating our President. The sev- and the war in Iraq. I remember Janeane but what we do know is that American troops
eral gathered members of the Press crew Garafolo say once that she could barely watch intervened in a brutal and oppressive dicta-
could scarcely let Bush get through a sen- George W. Bush on television because of the torship and furthermore that the people of
tence without loudly attempting to one-up visceral, sickening reaction she had to his Iraq are vastly supportive of at the very least
one another with sardonic, amateurish quips voice and likeness. I don't think that the a representative form of government.
about how negatively they thought of Bush feeling is unique to her, I believe that there The problem is that the leftist posi-
and his crazy ideas. The timing was what is a large portion of this country that don't tion in the political discussion across this
struck me the most. Only five days earlier, just disagree with Bush politically, or even country is so incoherent that it can't really
the seemingly impossible goal of holding dislike him personally. They have a predis- be digested by anyone who does not just arbi-
Iraqi elections had actually bore itself out in position to despise him, to loathe every word trarily dislike Bush. As Bush discussed the
a way that should have given even the most he utters, and every tick he makes. war on terror, an observer in the Press room
ardent Bush haters pause. Unfortunately, this type of Pavlovian lamented "There wouldn't be any terrorists
I find it quite interesting that those response is stifling, in my opinion, real pub- if we would just stay the fuck out of other
who are often the most critical of our coun- lic discourse. countries business!" Well, unless that guy
try, our government, and our President are I can only imagine last weekend what has a master plan to build a time machine
those. whn ar.e sittina in snme nf the mnnrP and o r\ -halr in tim arndr n il thp mainr

comfortable seats that this world has to foreign affairs of the US since WWII, his
offer. Take for example, the staff of the solution to the global war on terrorism is
Press. Some of the most virulent and rather flawed. I hate to have to take a page
ostensible reaction throughout Bush's from a guy as partisan as Se-an-riHa-nnity
State of the Union address occurred when but there are people around this entire
Bush broached the topic of Pell grant world who hate you and want to kill you
funding. Now, when Bush ran in 2000, I for no good reason at all. The same way
was approached with the idea that if Bush you hate Bush, they hate you. And I am not
won, I wouldn't get anymore Financial aid just talking about Muslims or extremists,
to go to college, or at the very least, it either. As anyone who is familiar with
would be severely cut at some level. The The Big Lie knows, hating America and in
thought was frightening, but lo and particular our President is a not a pas-
behold, my financial aid checks where time reserved for the dungeons of college
never diminished even through the campuses, it is a global epidemic. At a
tumultuous and turbulent post 9/11 and certain point, you have to draw a line in
war economy. So when people tell me now. the sand.
that Bush is looking to cut our tuition I disagree with the President as
assistance, or that he is disingenuous strongly as one can on issues like Gay
when he asserts that he wants to increase Rights, abortion, stem cell research, etc. I
it, I simply put the issue into the per- take issue with the way that he attempted
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the argument. This objectivity is sorely lack- must have been going through most liberals' the way his subordinates handled it on a
ing, in my opinion, particularly in places minds last week as they watched an almost logistical level. I can disagree with his poli-
like the basement of our .Student Union. All unfathomable number of Iraqis take part in tics and still understand that he represents
of the members of this hate-fest, to my an election that was being overseen by a country that has been unconscionably kind
knowledge, have had an opportunity to attend American soldiers. As Jon Stewart so aptly to me and that I love dearly. Dissent is great,
college. Do they ever stop to think what an put it, he thought he might "implode." The its necessary and commendable, but at a
unbelievable gift that is? Perhaps they pay mental monologue was something like this: point it becomes ridiculous. I hope that in
their own way,, perhaps they receive assis- "This is not supposed to happen! Why are the next four years we can find some real
tance from parents, government grants, stu- these people justifying a policy and vindi- common ground in the debate, one that
dent loans, or academic or athletic scholar- cating a man whose likeness I've spent the acknowledges that no nation is ,a benevolent
ships, but unless there is something I don't majority of the last five years hating with utopia (certainly not this one) but that our
know about, the circumstances that allow such crapulence! .Why the hell did I waste grand experiment is not worthy of this kind
them the chance to get an education are that money to go to D.C. last month! Come on, of animosity regardlessof whose manning the
largely contained and perpetuated within snipers, where are you?!" Please forgive the helm.
this country, and created by policies and morbid humor. But the point is that Bush
A National Embarrassme hnt:
The Post-Election
Democratic Left By Jorge Sierra
A couple of weeks ago, I caught a live least he gave a reason. My problem with the Democratic party
broadcast of then-Secretary of State nominee Maybe I'm missing something, but the isn't simply that it's moving too far to the left.
Condoleezza Rice testifying before the Senate Democrats have a bit of a problem distinguish- It has also made trashing President Bush into a
Foreign Relations Committee. She obviously had ing themselves from the far left, and these out- 24-hour sport. The confirmation hearings of
a good command of the issues, but I also saw her rageous displays are not helping, since most Bush's cabinet nominees, particularly the hear-
weak moments. Dr. Rice seemed sheepish as one people do not like the far left. Now, I'll grant ing of Alberto Gonzalez, his nominee for
white-haired Democrat scolded her for refusing that party leaders and far out leftists naturally Attorney General, became sideshow referen-
to make a strong personal renunciation of poli- draw more media attention than those boring dums on the President and his policies.
cies allowing torture of American-held white-haired guys. However I still think that Democratic House and Senate leaders Nancy
detainees, particularly since her reticence the most vocal Democrats are actively using the Pelosi and Harry Reid started attacking
could put American troops in danger should media to harangue the Bush administration and President Bush's anticipated Social Security
they be captured. Naive idiot that I am, I actu- reform proposal before they even heard it. With
ally thought this was a pivotal confrontation, all their energy spent attacking Bush, left-lean-
surely the highlight of the hearings. Here was a ing Democrats have forgotten to stand up for the
Democrat who was actually standing up for the people's interests, present alternative ideas,
people without grinding an axe. How often does and give us hope. For example, many Democrats
that happen, especially since they've lost the state that there are more urgent things to reform
election and started running around like head- than Social Security, and maybe they're right.
less chickens? However, when they attack a necessary reform
But instead of that much-needed chal- effort without formally presenting their own
lenge to the Bush administration, the evening important reforms, it is they who are being
news headlined that embarrassment, and the regressive and the Republicans who doing
whole country learned that Condoleezza Rice is things that help people in this country in tan-
not a doormat as the anti-Bush fanatic Barbara gible ways. In their stubbornness, the
Boxer made a complete fool of herself accusing Democrats are fast becoming a party of left-
Dr. Rice of deceiving the American public. I felt wing conservatives, and I'm not talking about
cheated. Joe Lieberman.
Ever since they lost the election, the left I think the leftists in the Democratic
wing of the Democratic Party seems to have party need to fight their battles more intelli-
made a habit of stealing the show and making gently. They need to get over the shock of the
fools of themselves with crazy outbursts. election and get back into touch with the ideas,
Howard Dean, the favorite to become the next not the people, that they voted for. They're
Democratic National Committee chair, °was going to be effectively anti-Bush and anti-
recently caught saying that he hates the Republican the moment they open their mouths
Republicans. Is this some kind of joke? In about anything, so why shouldn't their air time
December the new Senate Minority Leader Harry actually have some substance to it? The people
Reid said Clarence Thomas was an embarrass- propel the party alignment further toward the of this country need to know precisely how the
ment to the Supreme Court because his opinions left. In the process, we get a distorted image of Bush administration's policies inflict harm to
were "poorly written." If you think that's the the alternative to the Bush administration's people who do not deserve it, not why we should
real reason he opened fire on Thomas I got a policies. Now obviously the Democrats are believe in paranoid conspiracies. We need to
bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell ya. Finally, going to lie about how big bad and evil the know which party can do the best, not which
we have Ted Kennedy's tirade just before the Republicans are (that's what politics is all party can shout the loudest. The Democratic
Iraqi elections. He apparently wants us to start about), but consider why people like Boxer, Party still has some time to decide whether to
pulling troops out of Iraq RIGHT NOW to end Dean, Kennedy, and. maybe even Reid would modify its ideas or advocate them even more vig-
President Bush's incompetent stewardship of want the only alternative to the Republican orously. The overblown attacks we have wit-
the invasion and let the Iraqi people to know party, the good guys in the next us-versus-them nessed so far represents the easy way out and a
we're on their side (as they fight for their lives crusade, to be them. Then consider whether clear-cut path to defeat.
against an insurgent menace determined to they'd have a snowball's chance in hell of win-
stomp their freedom out of existence). Well, at ning the next election.

Queer Pride
By Marcel Votlucka
Do you believe that certain things must as it is a celebration of radical individualism. must be shaken up from time to time. Stagnation
be questioned? I argued in a previous essay, ("What's in is unhealthy-dissent is healthy and necessary.
I certainly do. I've always been fasci- a Label?") that we get too hung up over rules, Every once in a while you've got to take a good
nated by those who put things we take for grant- gender roles and expectations regarding who we look at yourself and question those things about
ed into question. I've always been transfixed by fall in love with, who we choose to share sexual yourself and your sexuality and your place in
those who are different, non-conformist, con- intimacy with, and how we choose to express this world that you usually take from granted.
trarians, individualistic, "weird," "strange," ourselves. I argued that these rules were based Maybe heterosexuality shouldn't be the
"odd," or, for that matter, "queer." Those who on heterosexuality, and that anyone who breaks standard by which you frame your views on sex
challenge our society's sacred cows and accept- these rules-gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transsex- and sexuality. Maybe man-woman isn't the only
ed mores, particularly regarding sex and sexu- uals, transvestites, S & M practitioners, androg- legitimate pairing that can exist-maybe the love
ality, have always earned my undying respect ynous people, transgendered people (hastily between two men or two women is just as valid.
and admiration. Why? Sometimes the old ways Maybe expecting (or worse, forcing) yourself
of thinking just don't work, or they don't work and others to conform exactly to definitions of
for everyone, or they're not fair, or they don't what is supposed to "masculine" or "feminine"
respect human individuality and the frebe spir- behavior simply based on what lies between
it. There isn't often room in this society to their legs is a social construct that really does-
truly be yourself. And that is why I am queer. n't make much logical sense. Maybe sexuality is
And I love it! really a more fluid thing than society teaches
What is "queer?" anyway? What it all us, and shouldn't be held so rigidly-you are
boils down to, basically, is a celebration of dif- either straight or gay? Or maybe bisexual?
ference and diversity, particularly within the Come on now, things aren't so black and white in
realm of sex and sexuality. These are things real life, as Alfred Kinsey would have you know.
very close to each and every one of us; these are Being queer means taking a step back,
the essence of our humanity. We are conceived, taking a close look at these matters and decid-
born and live our short lives through sexual ing that perhaps the way things are is not the
energy and expression. To deny one's sexual way they should be because not everybody fits
nature is to deny one's own self. And this is in and perhaps yo u don't quite fitin-either--To
what queers understand in a very visceral way. "fit in" means to subvert your own individuali-
When I say the word "queer," I don't mean it in ty and deny who you are.
a negative or derogatory sense. Instead, I use it Being "queer" is about being different,
in a positive, inclusive sense to describe those deviating from the norm and valuing diversity
who don't quite "fit in." By calling myself in sexual and personal identity and expression.
"queer" I am acknowledging that I am not main-- Being "queer" means being proud of those qual-
stream, that my very existence (in my case as a ities that set you apart because they are posi-
homosexual) pushes the boundaries and puts tive and constructive. It means not taking the
certain things into question. Queerness is all traditional ways of thinking about sex, sexual-
about radical individualism at its core, focusing judged as mentally ill by psychologists),or oth- ity and gender roles and expectations too seri-
on sexuality. erwise "queer" people-are outcasts. Eveh "mas- ously, and exploring new areas of human sexu-
This, of course, is not a bad thing but a culine" gals and "feminine" dudes are looked al individuality. Being "queer" is not some-
good thing, if you answered "yes" to my opening down upon-the latter are called dykes and thing to be ashamed of; it is something to cele-
question. I am, more than anything else, a rad- bitches who will never be married while the lat- brate because we celebrate individual self-
ical individualist. What this means is that I am ter are beaten up to a chorus of epithets. Our expression instead of self-repression. We cel-
always true to myself and to what I feel. I value society demands acceptance and conformity to ebrate the sanctity and validity of all safe, sane,
myself and others as unique, special, and valu- rigid rules that rarely represent what people and consensual relationships and sexual activ-
able, and I fail to see the need for judging peo- truly are inside. ity between consenting adults (this is a very
ple as "deviant" simply because they don't Why does it have to be this way? And important principle!). We support those who
quite measure up to what they're expected to be. why not challenge the heterosexist system want to think and act and live "outside the box,"
For instance, as a queer, I avoid taking "sexual instead of submitting to it blindly? These were so to speak.
orientation" and "gender" too seriously and I some of the questions I ask. Being queer means And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm proud
am accepting and encouraging of those individ- asking these kinds of questions...and not being to call myself "queer." And if you believe that
uals who wish to transcend those boundaries. afraid of the answers. certain things must be put into question, you
And I am unapologetic and bold in my accept- I am queer not because I wish to divorce can understand why.
ance. "Queer" is very much a political identity myself from society but because I think things

E. wwylv 8 No
Dissolve Deutsch ind
By Natalie Schultz
What is the point of a democracy in does not have to protect the rights of its citi- rights! Stand up for your freedom! Tell your
which the people are not free? Does such a state zens. If that is the case, then how is it OK for a lawmakers that you want the right to read a'ny
actually qualify as a democracy at all? supposedly democratic country to not protect book that you want to read, to possess any sym-
Most people are not aware that the free- the rights of its citizens? How can the citizens bol that you want to possess. You don't have to
dom of speech and expression does not truly of a country that outlaws something it does not go out and purchase Mein Kampf or don a
exist in Germany. The fact is, any and all sym- like claim to be truly free? swastika armband. But the fact is if Germany is
bols of Nazi Germany are not allowed within the to truly be a free democracy, then the German
borders of Germany, including swastikas and people must be free to express themselves in
the book Mein Kampf any way they so choose.
I'm sure that some of you reading this Deutscher Menschen, if you cannot, or
are thinking that it is good that such things are are too afraid to stand up for your rights, then
illegal in the now democratic nation that was not why should you be able to claim to be a demo-
too long ago the perpetrator of two world wars. cratic people? If this is the case, then you might
So, I ask you this: how would you like it if the as well dissolve Deutschland altogether; after
drinking of British tea was outlawed in the all, what good is a subversive false democracy?
United States? After all, we fought for our Only those who fight for their rights deserve a
independence from the British and dumped country of their own. German people, I pity you.
their tea into the Boston Harbor. What if the You don't even realize how voiceless you are. At
French outlawed the eating of cake? After all, least here in America I have the right to criti-
Marie Antoinette, whom the French revolution- cize your lack of freedom.
aries beheaded, was known for saying "Let them Germany is a large country in the demo-
eat cake!" Not the same, you say? Well, as I cratic European Union. It is the only country in
mentioned in my article defending Prince Harry the EU without the freedom of expression. But,
last issue, Iran sentenced Salman Rushdie to rather than the German people asking their law-
death for writing the Satanic Verses. I'm sure makers to extend to them the same rights that
that many of you reading this feel that that was the people of all the other EU member states
a bit extreme. But hey, Iran is not a democrat- have, German lawmakers are trying instead to
ic country; there it is no problem to outlaw a The German people have long been take away the rights of all other members of the
book or symbol. viewed as a proud people. So, citizens of
So, a non-democratic country like Iran Germany, I beseech you: Stand up for your

What Happened to Nationalism?

By Matthew Augustine
So, the election in Iraq was a success, deserves it. erals wouldn't deny it was a resounding suc-
and the Bush administration is riding high on There is a sense of vindication, a burden cess. It's ok to say yoi were wrong, daddy won't
it. You have to hand it to him, whether you're a lifted. All of our critics who said it couldn't be beat you.
Bush basher or not, it's good to see things hav- done are blushing as they offer their words of Back up for a second and take a little bit
ing gone well. Formerly oppressed people par- support. Bush won't say the. obvious "I told you of pride, share in the glory, this is your coun-
taking in democracy is an amazing thing to wit- so," as historic as it would be, because it could try. Partisanship is a fact of life in a two party
ness, first in Afghanistan, then Ukraine (with- have gone either way, no one knew for sure. It's system. Some would say we have one of the most
out direct intervention from us, but worth men- not over yet, but it's looking up, finally. partisan political systems in the world. Battle
tioning), and now Iraq. On the front page of the Halfway across the world the French are shit- lines are drawn for the future; the administra-
Times was an image of an Iraqi husband and wife ting themselves, and I love it. Don't get me tion has its work cut out for it with socialsecu-
whom had just left a polling place. Their son sat wrong; I love my French fries, French toast, and rity, stem cell research, budget deficits. Both
atop his father's shoulders holding a sign which French women just as much as the next guy. Democrats and Republicans are aware of this.
said "Peace Iraq" it was immensely touching. However, the constant rhetoric fror there was John
I identify myself as a moderate republi- Chirac makes me wish I could slap y, one of the
can, riding more on republican economic policy twice. It must be terrible to base', idents' biggest
then social policy. That being said, I've found foreign policy in anti-Americanism critics, standing
myself unhappy with a lot of the behavior of (while being a "dedicated" ally I amongst his
thi's administration. I've written quite a few might add) just to have the base fall Democratic peers
things criticizing Bush, it's easy to criticize. out from under you. Yes it was a suc- welcoming the
It's much harder to swallow your pride. So, I'll1 cess, fuckers. Au revoir. Across the President with
be the first to do it. I hope that everyone who world our critics are silenced, or at open arms at the
has posters on their walls of "Fuck Bush" rec- the very least not jumping down State of the Union.
ognizes that what's happening in Iraq and in the quite as hard. The stage is set to start It was beautiful
world right now is a good thing, because it is, repairing some damaged relation- and encouraging,
undeniably. Whether you agree with what ships. as are the sprout-
brought it about or not is a different story. Yet Presidents have an unfortu- ng democracies
seeing people whom were under a dictator for nate position in that they take th cross the world.
almost 30 years exercising their right to have a blame even if things are not necessar Vhy don't we all
say (most for the first time in their lives) is ily their fault. If Russia hates us, tt ake the cue and
truly awesome, in the literal sense of the word. president is to blame, damn him. Wh nile with the pres-
Yesterday, Bush gave his State of the was the Cold War anyway? If the eco lent, just for now.
Union address. Bush was introduced to the joint omy is doing poorly, it's his fault. fter everything
house of Congress and it was to a standing ova- gas is $2.30 it's his fault! Always hi e've been through,
tion by both Democrats and Republicans. I felt Yet, if something is a success, if th 9/11, harsh
an overwhelming sense of nationalistic pride. I intervene on Kosovo's behalf for ternational criti-
actually said to my girlfriend, (whom I had to greater good of the world, it's our ari m, kidnappings
get drunk to get her to watch it with me) "This our foreign policy, our great coun 1 suicide bomb-
s. With over 1,400
is the legislative body of the most powerful
nation to ever exist in the history of the world,
and look how they welcome him." Bush had a
huge smile on his face, he was basking in his
Yet, Bush invaded Iraq not us. Go fig
There's a sense of detachment v
'V V+ Z * r
you re unhappy wiLtn suomtI1tnIg, w1iin. a
lot of people are about Iraq. As such, people
I and women having
ir lI
these people could be free. If you aren't happy

glory, and I say let him. The man has dealt with find a way to play down the good things and for Bush, for, our nation, at least recognize the
so much shit, has probably experienced so many focus on the bad. "Well Bob, the Sunni sacrifice and that it wasn't in vain. So, for now I
sleepless nights. I was honestly happy for him, populace did not participate in great enough smile, I refrain from being a pessimist, and I
let him smile today, tomorrow he's free game numbers to assure legitimacy." Shut the fuck drink this glass to us.
again. Right here right now however, I say he up, maybe that's true, but even the far left lib-
Page 13
Plastic Beauty: Is it Worth it?
I By Laura Positano
Britney Spears may have some talent, one's perception but it can also be disas- there are no exercises or clothes that can
but what really gets the attention of many trous. accomplish that result, and if there are no
male fans is not her vocal ability. As unlike- Only type in "plastic surgery mis- psychological issues at work, then research.
ly one is to meet someone between the ages of takes" in a search engine and you will see Detailed research into plastic surgeons
eighteen and twenty-five unaware of Ms. ugly, misshapen legs that underwent lipo- could reduce the likelihood of disfigure-
Spears, one would be just as unlikely to not suction, noses crooked from "nose jobs," et ment, infections and, though it is rare, death.
know people wanting plastic surgery. Noses cetera. Some photographs of plastic surgery Ironically, the writer of the feminist book
in need of shrinking, bums and other areas in The First Wives Club, which the movie of the
need of enhancement. Everyone has heard a same name was based on, died due to plastic
version of these complaints from friends, surgery complications. Such complications
coworkers, maybe even themselves. prompt reputable plastic surgeons to not
Young adulthood is an uncertain period encourage everyone to get nip and tucked.
of changes. Becoming a student, juggling. a Individuals that undergo "extreme
full-time job and a full-time course load makeovers" helped by a scalpel are said to
simultaneously, or starting a family, are have improved self-esteem, according to the
pressures that can make one insecure. The web sites of several plastic surgeons. Maybe
advertisements for plastic surgery on the plastic surgery does help people feel better,
radio and in newspapers imply that plastic improving their self-image. Yet how deep and
surgery is close to a panacea. Many people in how real is this newfound self-esteem if one
their twenties and late teens listen to the plastic surgery is still not enough?
radio, hearing those ads that incessantly I am aware of the fact that some plastic
proclaim the miracle of plastic surgery. surgeries are not for cosmetic reasons (i.e.
Thus, the fact that increasing .numbers "nose jobs") but are to improve quality of
of people in this age group have undergone life. Deformities from birth, severe burns,
plastic surgery is not surprising. survivors of breast cancer et cetera, have
Approximately 8.3 million. Americans "had a their lives impacted not only by the physical
surgical or nonsurgical cosmetic procedure" conditions but by society's obsession with
in 2003, states the American Society of beauty. I hope that people with such situa-
Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (ASAPS). Those of tions will find the means to get enough money
traditional college age had twenty-four per- for plastic surgery. Plastic surgery, in their
cent of the plastic surgery done around that case, really can be almost miraculous.
period. This translates to an astounding 2 For the rest of us, plastic surgery is
million "cosmetic procedures" noted in the mistakes are too disgusting and gruesome to more optional than a need. We just have to
ASAPS survey. describe here. If you are considering having realize that no matter how often we can afford
Curiously, the people currently in col- plastic surgery done, seriously think it over. to get plastic surgery, the beauty of a person
lege grew up with Baywatch and Britney Find out if there is any way to improve your depends upon the state of their mind.
Spears-national icons rumored to be tainted physical appearance short of surgery. Growing spiritually, contributing to the
with saline. Could the mainstream popular Are there any exercises or any figure community, and being open to new ideas, will
culture of our youth have resulted in aug- enhancing clothes (i.e. pants with butt bring as much confidence as an expensive
mentation being the most common plastic padding) that can enhance your looks? Try liposuction. Cellulite, or the lack of curves
surgery for our generation? Plastic surgery also to get to the emotional reasons that may or muscle definition, do not cancel out our
may make one look beautiful or handsome in have prompted you to want plastic surgery. If worth.

Walkman, Tsunami, and CIod

· · By Dahmane Mazouzi
A couple of weeks ago, I headed to the spent 15, but when I put my hand into my pant Walmart and listen to the music I wanted with
city. I was sure to find there the proper radio pocket I realized that I only had 5 bucks left. the money I lost that day.
Walkman I always wanted and Chinatown was What had happened then? After thinking of the That was it. I just sat down in the train
the place to be to find the best bargain. After. many scenarios that could have happened I and waited for my heartbeat to slow down. That
having a glance at all the different kinds of finally came out to the conclusion that I must day I fully realized how terrible it was to sit in
radio Walkmans, I found one cheap store. I have dropped them when I put my hand into my the opposite direction of the train if you know
decided to purchase the latest Sony SRF-H 11 pocket to deposit this blasted 5 dollars and what I mean. So I decided to use my super
model. I do not even understand what these headphone radio Walkman and relax. On the
codes stand for but they really captured my radio I came across a discussion on the Tsunami.
attention as if the more there are, the farther The moderator was glorifying the fabulous
the radio reception will be. I think those generous outpour of aid from Western countries,
electronic companies were inspired by the especially from our nation. With intense
popular series Star Trek and all the difficult emotion, he criticized some countries for not
term they used to name their electronic devices. acknowledging all the good our nation has
"Captain Kirk, could you pass me the XP567 34 provided for the countries hit by the Tsunami.
TH 67 to electronize that monster?" He claimed that in spite of our tremendous
Anyway, after bargaining with the lady generosity, our country is and would always be
at the store I finally got a good deal. I paid 15 seen as evil and that those countries in need
bucks and saved 5. I knew I could save more, but would never thank us for what we have done
the lady was a hard-headed businesswoman and especially as far as the Tsunami is concerned.
because it was the last one, I did not want to run pulled it out. What a tragedy, really. After "What those countries should do is to thank the
the risk-of losing that deal. driving myself crazy to find the best bargain I United States," he was stating. I wish I had the
I felt really happy when I left China finally lost 10 times what I had saved because of latest Nokia cellular with so many XP339
Town as a result of the good deal I had made. I this blasted Walkman. And yet, the day had RT544's in my possession to inform mister
had gotten what I wanted and has saved money as started so marvellously for me that the only moderator about the inside story of this global
well. What a good day really. On my way back to thing I was not expecting was this to happen. telethon.
Stony Brook on the L.I.R.R. I figured I would use "Why me?" I was asking myself. Briefly, approximately a month ago in
my brand new radio Walkman and would not feel I headed to Penn Station to take the train South East Asia north of Sumatra, the ocean went
the usual headache of the train commute. back to Stony Brook after cursing the 5 dollars mad. An enormous 400 mile/hour wave of about
I then decided to pop into a bookstore to I saved, that damn Walkman, and my pocket. I 65 feet heading for the shore of several Asian
buy some books. After choosing some, I headed really ruined my day with that deal. Instead of countries devastated India, Thailand, Burma,
for the cashier. I had brought a 50 dollar bill purchasing a 15 dollar radio Walkman I could
and a 20 dollar bill that day and had already have bought a very good 70 dollar MP3 player at

Page 14
: . --
-- ·
, · -i,
By Natalie Schultz
ment when all Nazi symbolism was banned from RAF.
the country. In the 1960's and 1970's West The question must be asked: Would such
European Union. Germany and other parts of Europe experienced a radical force ever have been so easily formed,
German lawmakers, both liberal and this backlash first hand. The Red Army Faction brewing for years beneath the surface of a post-
conservative, have called for the ban of any and was a radical left-wing terrorist group that war Germany that enabled itself to ignore its
all Nazi symbolism throughout the entire attacked Germany's rich and powerful elites as past by focusing on economic development with
European Union in the wake of British Prince a strong western government walking hand-in-
Harry's wearing a swastika armband to a cos- hand with the USA? Terrorism is reactionary;
tume party. Silvana Koch-Merin of Germany's terrorists become terrorists because for one
Liberal Party said "The whole of Europe once reason or another they feel that they are not free
suffered under Nazi crimes, therefore it makes to be who they want to be. The insurgents in
sense to ban Nazi symbols across Europe." In a Iraq do not want a pro-USA democracy; we call
similar statement, Markus Soeder, General them evil.. But, if you think about it, they do
Secretary of Germany's Christian Socialist have a point; why do we get to control how other
Union said "In a Europe grounded in peace and well as U.S. military installations that they saw countries are run? Forced democracy is false
freedom there should be no place for Nazi sym- as emblems of American imperialism, killing democracy.
bols. They should be banned throughout 30 to 50 Germans and Americans. Fighting George W. Bush himself said that in
Europe." against what they viewed as the mindless mate- order to achieve liberty, you must love it. But
So I ask you, what right do the Germans rialism and fascist tendencies of German socie- how can we force someone to love something?
have to tell the rest of Europe what they can or ty, the RAF received support from Middle Love is an emotion and emotions cannot be con-
cannot do or say? The Nazis burned the books Eastern terrorists as well as East German trolled, even through propaganda. Only open
they did not approve of, Germany today bans Communists who provided logistic support, discourse, the willingness to accept differing
such books; what truly is the difference? sanctuary, and training during the 1980s. In an viewpoints, not to automatically discount
Germany has instituted reverse propaganda; RAF safehouse in Paris flasks of deadly botu- opposing viewpoints as evil, can lead to an open,
they outlaw the negative aspects of their past. lism toxin were found. accepting society. I don't expect the whole
The Nazis forced Germans to display the flag of Just a bunch of crazy left-wing commies world to come together in a free-love hippie
the Third Reich, the swastika; today Germany you're thinking? Not exactly. After WWII, with commune sense; but if we are at least willing to
outlaws that symbol. How, in all honesty, is the the help of western ally nations such as the engage in open debate, to allow every person to
one action dif: s their own viewpoints, to live their own
tactics force a he way they want to, then, and only then,
symbols upon e achieve a more peaceful society.
Today, Rather than outlawing Mein Kampf,
in a war to spr ns should be allowed to read it and dis-
the world in < . It is commonly said that if you don't
rorism. The from history, that history is bound to
thrive when th itself. How many wars began simply
repressed hu e people were either forced to do some-
extreme lengi >r forbidden to do something? Rather than
selves. The p izi symbolism from the EU, German law-
ferent people s would be wise to lift the ban on such
different ways within the borders of Germany itself. The
ic society, f n people should have the right to read and
the freedom s Mein Kampf, not hide from it. Just as
including ex cans in the South have the right to display
may offend sc nfederate flag, even though some people
one can critici *fended by it, Nazi symbols should be
subjecting Ge ,ed as well.
of Europe to t Wouldn't it be better to approach some-
Third Reich, t earing a swastika armband and engage in a
at the same tir ideological discussion rather than have
that bans erson hiding out in his or her basement
today? Isn't ing for the coming war? Most people
something the e that such people are ignorant fools; its
mandating th Sjudge when you don't listen. We have a
Forceful prei cy to write off people with whom we do
same as force( ;ree as idiots; be careful, ignored idiots
I've lenty of time to plan their attack. Maybe
articles bef give those with whom we do not agree a
repression c e to discuss their opinions, then they
will only lea< feel that the only way for them to be free
in the long et rid of everyone else.
Germany the I Sweden, one of the most liberal nations
was represse e world, has a legal National Socialist
T C_
I " ' 1 . . . .. .. .

many years a country liKe weaen, a country

the war; an ea tny people, liberals in particular,
accomplish- ve to emulate, is able to tolerate the
n of expression, of all expression,
why can't other "democratic" coun-
as well?
OK, so maybe Deutschland does-
t need to be dissolved; it just needs
be opened up. Opened up to debate
ad opened up to freedom within its
orders. But if the Germans are not
illing to open up, they can at least
ot try to placate themselves by lim-
ing the rights of others.

Page 15
Walkman, Tsunami, and God contnuled...
By Dahmane Mazouzi
still have a great influence on today's world and effect the Tsunami may have on human beings. I
also show off our intervention capacity. Also to suppose that its impact may be interpreted
Malaysia, and Sri Lanka, swallowing up use politics as a way to polish up one political differently from one individual to another.
numerous islands in the Indian Ocean and even image with public opinion by enhancing one's Nevertheless, one possible effect could lead to a
disrupting the shores of Africa, including prestige and one's hold. Thus, the Tsunami is in meeting. A meeting with oneself. A time for a
Somalia, Tanzania and Kenya. the middle of an economic war this time. It is change. We live such a hectic existence that we
Right afterwards, a strange spirit of not by mistake that the two nations which have rarely stop for self introspection. We take
competitiveness, of overbid even, seized so far provided the biggest help are our nation refuge in anything our society has to offer:
countries and their leaders, international and China, which as a matter of fact, will be the work, hobbies, distractions and other things
organizations and companies and even their great rivalries of the next decades. Therefore, that may distract us. We try not to think of
citizens. The humanitarian battle was launched for those who want to understand today's world, ourselves,, as if thinking about our life hurts us.
and its winner will be the one who would offer they must also see the aftermath of the Tsunami Pain hits anyone anytime anywhere
the most, who would show the most compassion, as a political event. without exception. In fact, it does not
Cti-ll ;Ilic fn;ni r- m;i r apparently have any real cause and this is what
J.II 11I elllllVng LU 1111 eLrl
moderator, he then tackled the makes it so dramatic. No cause, therefore no
subject of God. "Where was God remedy, no escape. Comparing my weird day in
during the tsunami and if He the city with the Tsunami tragedy made me come
does exist how could He do down to earth with modesty and revealed my
that?" I was astonished and to be fragile humanity and vulnerability. Nowadays,
honest, I did not understand the in our societies, simple hazards of life like the
question. In brief, he was saying loss of 50 dollars may affect us so much that we
that since we have a cannot imagine experiencing such a catastrophe
contradictory concept (in other as the Tsunami. Tragic events disturb us, call us
words, God as being good and a into question, shake up our accepted ideas,
natural catastrophe which has break up illusions or erroneous beliefs which
killed so far 170 000 people) we may hold. Putting oneself in a state of crisis
therefore God cannot exist. What to look into our lives. This could be a way to
an argument. If only I could interpret a tragedy but still always the same
remember the name of that question comes to the mind of the individual
moderator, I would have asked experiencing such crises: "Why me?"
him why God made me lost 50 As "the heart has its reasons which
dollars. reason knows nothing of," life also has its
For a believer, reasons which human reason knows nothing of.
everything that happens on Above all, if I could explain pain on earth, I
earth is directly related to God, might also explain God then...
good or evil. There is no doubt
about this. Is God responsible If you have any comment, please contact
for the Big Bang? A believer
would say yes. Pascal claimed Dahmane Mazouzi
that "God is an infinite sphere Stony Brook University Student
whose- centre is everywhere and
circumference is nowhere".
Therefore the question of Footnotes
whether God is behind the French international newspaper Le Monde.
Tsunami in particular or not January 11, 2005.
does not make any sense.
Believer or not, human
life is a succession of crises and
resolutions, but still we find it
hard to see this as a balance. We
generosity and imagination. try to find answers in everything we encounter.
Will they really keep their promises? I Since a human being has the capacity of
doubt it. History has shown that they rarely do observing and philosophizing about the world
so. that surrounds him, he tends to want answers
A year after the tragic earthquake that
hit the City of Bam in Iran, killing 32,000
for everything. Understanding gravitation
through the fall of an apple is something
people and injuring 18,000 [1], how far have we supernatural and profound. Who would think of
got as far as humanitarian promises are one of the fundamental laws of the Universe
concerned? At the time, in the general emotion when looking at a tree leaf falling? But to hear
produced by the earthquake, one billion dollars Mister moderator claiming that God cannot exist
was promised as part of the international aid. A in reply to the question why did God produce
year later, just more than 17 million dollars has the Tsunami made me realize that from the time
been received by Iran. The international I understood I lost 50 dollars until the moment
community's generosity has only lasted as far I put that radio headphone on my ears, my
as the media effect was. The countries' promises nightmare was not going to end.
vanished as soon as the cameras left for another Most of us truly believe that pain is
tragedy, leaving Iranians with their something absurd, a split, incoherence in the
nightmares...and with only less than 1.7 % of logic of our conception of the world.
the promised aid [2]. Nevertheless, if asking minimum questions is
Would the Bam syndrome be repeated something coherent, trying to find reasons in all
again? Time will tell. pain is something impossible and can lead to
It is normal before such a disaster that greater pain or unacceptable remarks. Whether
the world acts in unison in order to provide we believe or not, the question of God comes up
financial and physical help to those devastated when thinking of a tragedy or ca.tastrophe. Why?
areas. Nevertheless, what drives the If we do not believe in God, why should we tackle
international community to express so much the subject of God as far as pain is concerned?
compassion? Because what we have seen so far is Is pain a failure? How does such a good
a real humanitarian war. and great God tolerate such a catastrophe? How
Only naive people think that a natural can He have created this earth in which a
catastrophe can interrupt rivalries between the constant death threat and tears are in the air?
great powers. On the contrary, it exacerbates I really think that the question is
them. The objective is to demonstrate that we misposed. We should rather try to grasp the

Page 16
He Shall, From Time toTi ne,
--- -- Make My Head
By Krystyna
M. Baumgartner
On Wednesday night, President Bush vests from their families. These ar e things that port Social Security privatization. They
delivered his fifth State of the Union in front of he has an obligation to provide themlwith. He is clapped and cheered enough during his address,
what is perhaps the most partisan Congress their commander-in-chief, the on ie that sent but behind the scenes, they told him that he did
we've had since the early 1900's. In his hour- them to war. He should not turn hi sback on his not have their support unless he can sell it to
long address, he laid out an agenda that left me troops. Instead, he should provid e them with the American people. And that is what he was
questioning what he really intends to do. His the weapons and armor that they need to get attempting to do in the State of the Union.
rhetoric did not match his record, nor, in some home to their families alive. President Bush started by praising
cases, did it match the budget proposal he sent After speaking about Iracq, President Social Security as a great moral success of the
to Congress for the 2005 fiscal year. Bush delivered one line about Nort]h Korea. He 2 1s-t Century. He then proceeded to tell the
President Bush said that he wants to said that we are working with oth(er nations to American people that by the year 2032, the
strengthen community colleges and increase the reduce North Korea's store of nucl4ear weapons. program will be bankrupt. Forget that this goes
size of Pell Grants. And against reports that econ-
yet, he has proposed omists outside of the
freezing the funding for Bush administration have
Pell Grants in his pro- released, which say that
posed budget for the the system will only be
last three years. able to provide about 70-
Recently, he supported 80% of current benefits,
a new formula for deter- but that it will not be
mining eligibility for bankrupt. Put that aside
Pell Grants that would and pretend that Social
cut 90,000 students Security will in fact be
from the program. As bankrupt in the year
far as community col- 2032. What President
leges are concerned, the Bush proposed is having
President has not "voluntary personal
worked much toward retirement accounts" into
strengthening them in which workers can
the past. He said in his deposit part of the por-
address that more peo- tion of their paycheck
ple should be able to that now goes into Social
attend community col- Security. He claims that
leges. But, in his budg- this will ensure that in
et for the 2004 fiscal retirement, you will have
year, President Bush your own savings in addi-
tried to cut $3 million tion to Social Security
from the Perkins benefits.
Program, which helps This is where the
community college stu- President's plan derails.
dents afford college. He has just claimed that
Congress, thankfully, Social Security is going to
stepped in and prevent- be bankrupt. If this is
ed the cut in funding. true given the amount of
What we need is more -money that is now being
funding being put into these programs. We need I was glad that he at least menltioned North put into the system, then how will it be able to
to make higher education affordable so that Korea, as this was the one thing that I really provide benefits to citizens when people are
more people can get a college education. We live wanted to hear him talk about. But what he said now taking part of the money set aside in their
in an age where it is essential to have a college was nowhere near to what I wanited to hear. paychecks for Social Security and putting it into
degree in order to be competitive in the work- United States Intelligence believe s that during private accounts? Won't the system go bankrupt
force. Bush's first term, North Korea qi aadrupled its sooner if this is allowed to occur? I think that
In the realm of primary education, store of nuclear weapons. Quadr rupled. And the President needs to do a little bit more prep
President Bush talked of the success of his No according to Charles Pritchard, wh<o was Former work on his program before he tries to sell it to
Child Left Behind program. He said that test Secretary of State Colin Powell's ch ief official in the American people. At the very least, he
scores are higher and that the gap is closing for handling North Korea, the White IHouse cannot should practice what he will say when someone
minorities. He now wants to spread the program prevent them from continuing to build their points this out, as I know that I am not the only
to high schools. What he failed to mention, how- arsenal. He said that the efforts tha it Bush spoke one who hlas noticed this tiny little problem
ever, is that the Association of Governors has of are not working. But it appears as though the with his plan.
signed a statement saying that they are already President intends to continue alonl g this vein in The underlying point to privatizing
overburdened by what they call an unfunded trying to handle the North Koreans. Who knows, Social Security is that the system needs to be
mandate. And the President is not trying to maybe in four years, they'll not on ily have built fixed. But creating these private retirement
help them. 'Quite to the contrary, in his budget up their store of nuclear weapons even further, accounts is not going to fix the system. It will
proposal for this year, he allocates almost $10 but may have decided to test 1them on the only serve to further cripple the system by fun-
million less than is promised in the legislation American soldiers at the 3 8th pa rallel. It is neling jmoney out of it. We need to create a
for this program. All this will accomplish is time to get tough with North Kore,a. I am not means by which money can be funneled into it.
putting added strain on the system. saying that we have to go to war t4o get them to Perhaps the President can offer a plan in which
President Bush spoke glowingly about reduce their arms supply. I am satying that we he repeals the corporate tax breaks that are now
Iraq and about the free elections that were held should use diplomatic channels tha t are so often in place, as well as the tax cuts given to the
there recently. He even honored our brave men overlooked-summits, economic s anctions and wealthiest 1% of Americans. What will he do
and women of the Armed Forces, giving them the the like. If you think that those atre not effec- with all of that extra money you ask? Put it into
recognition that he had held back at the begin- tive, just remember that Kenned .y ended the Social Security. :
ning of the war. He did not offer an exit strate- Cuban Missile Crisis with a blocka ide. Words are nice, Mr, President, but you
gy to bring them home, however. Instead, he iThe entire address built up to the once accused Senator Kerry of not having a
told them that he would not set a timetable for President unveiling his Social S ecurity plan. record that matched his rhetoric_ Now I am
their return because that would give the terror- The reason that President Bush s1pent so much turning that accusation on you. If you said one
ists hope. I urge the President to protect our time talking about his plan during the State of correct thing in your address on Wednesday, it
soldiers if he plans on keeping them over there. the Union is because he knew tha t he held the was that four years of debate are enough. Now
Do not make them scrounge through garbage attention of millions of American s hostage for is the time for action, the time to do what is in
dumps to find scrap metal to cover their trucks the hour that he was on. This was vital because the best interest of the, American people.
with. Do not make them ask for bulletproof the Republican leadership does not want to sup-
Page 17
The Iraq Electon and its Afterm ath
By Joan Leong
For the first time in over 50 years, the and went to the voting polls. They proudly dis- has been less insurgent violence.
people of Iraq and its expatriates were able- to played their ink-stained finger to prove they The voter turnout is the highest in the
vote in a free election. This election's goal is to voted and it was also to show election workers history of free elections in Iraq and is deemed a
choose 275 members for the new National that they couldn't vote again. win for the Bush Administration which had
Assembly. The members are responsible for The promise of widespread massive vio- such a difficult time in trying to establish a
drafting a new constitution by August 2005 lence to challenge the elections was not upheld stable regime in Iraq over the past two years.
which will then have to be sanctioned by the by the insurgents; still, the day did not pass Many consider this day the greatest day of their
Iraqi public. They are to elect a new President without tragedy. Approximately 45 people were life and many are hoping this will be the begin-
and two deputies who will later appoint a ning of the end of the US occupation. However,
Prime Minister who will choose the Cabinet. the President's State of the Union speech on
The seats of the Assembly will be handed out Wednesday night clearly shows that he has no
according to the proportion to the amount of idea when he is going to start pulling the
votes they received. The National Assembly is already worn-out troops in Iraq. Bush's
to act as a transitional regime until a perma- defense is that they are keeping the troops
nent government is established in December there to ensure the new government will be
under the new constitution. The frontrunners able to make a smooth transition. It is obvi-
for this election is the extremely influential ous to anyone with their eyes open that the US
cleric Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani of the has no intentions to ever leave this country to
United Iraqi Alliance, who is a Shiite Muslim- fully govern itself. The American media does
dominated party. His party also consists of a not focus on the fact that there are already
small number of Kurds and Sunni Muslims about 4 permanent military bases on the
and the familiar name of cleric Moqtada Sadr Iraqi soil and the word on the grapevine is
who has clashed with US troops in the last that there are about a dozen more to follow.
year. The other party expected to dominate The American news channels showed the
this election is the Iraqi National Accord who Iraqi people dancing in the street the day of
is led by interim Prime Minister Allawi of the the election, but it's all for show. It will be
Iraqi List known for his pro-American views. quite sad, when they reali-ze-that-even--after-
The party is mostly secular but has a few their permanent government is established,
Shiite and Sunni candidatesL The Kurdish they will never be free of the US. Sure, their
Alliance List is the minority party of this citizens would have voted for their leaders
election and they represent the Kurdish vot- and sure, they voted for their constitution,
ers from the North. However two of the most killed this day and an estimated 71 others were but we will know the US will be controlling Iraq
influential Sunni groups are boycotting this wounded by suicide and car bombs and mortar behind the scenes. We have nearly 890 military
election because they believe that the free elec- attacks. There were roughly 7 million people at bases around the world, and I cannot foresee the
tions are a farce as long as Iraq is still occupied the voting polls on that historic Sunday. That is United States' imperialistic character to slow
by the US. about half of all registered voters and about down anytime soon. If the Bush regime's inten-
There is an estimate about 19,000 can- 35% of all eligible voters. Of the 3 million votes tions were truly what he claimed they were,
didates who are expected to run for office. Also, already counted, 2.2 million of those votes there would be no permanent military bases in
every third candidate on the ballot is a woman. already belong to the United Iraqi Alliance, the Iraq. But, of course, they have an ulterior
These are definite-improvements to the previous Shiite party most predicted to obtain the major- motive, they want to have eyes in the Middle
Saddam's Baathist regime where women had no ity of seats. The surprise in this election is the East and maneuver their control when they see
rights at all. Any Iraqi citizen over 30 years old Kurd minority; despite only making up 19% of fit. The final results of the elections are expect-
with a high school diploma and no high-ranking the population will likely win about 25% of the ed sometime in the next few days. After that,
positions in the former Baathist regime can run assembly seats. This is due to the separate the world can only wait and see who is next on
for office. Any citizen over 18 has the right to Kurdish parties running as one single coalition the We're-going-to-free-you-but-first-we-
vote, and even the expatriates can vote in 14 dif- and the overwhelming Kurdish voter turnout. have-to-kill-you list.
ferent countries. The day of the election,- Iraqi Their polling stations were also in the more
citizens defied the insurgents' violent threats secure, US-protected north region where there

Confessions of an Oscar-h 3lic

By Sarah Cassone
The morning of January 2 5 h was an liant, releasing the film on DVD the Tuesday
t came the DGA's (Directors Guild Awards) which
extremely uneventful one. The 7 7t h Academy after nominations were announced, while it's recognized Clint Eastwood (Million DollarBaby)
Award® nominations were announced at 5:30pm still playing in about 500 theaters. Sideways as Best Director. This posed two questions:
Is The Aviator still the front-runner?
PST to a mostly silent press audience. Normally, was snubbed for Best Actor
you'd hear a few gasps of surprise or some (but really, that's more of a I:
ii What the hell does Scorsese have to do
excited murmurs yet the crowd was relatively Giamatti thing, who was also
subdued. snubbed last year.) Many pun- I
I,; F
to finally win?
Martin Scorsese has never won
a DGA, Academy Award and his films
I sat at home, utterly bored. Yes, I was dits believe this hurts its
happy the people I liked were recognized chances - I don't believe it Ii a
have never won an Oscar® for Best
Picture. Why? Is he unlucky in his
(DiCaprio, Blanchett, Swank, Winslet) but they affects it either way.
were to be expected. There weren't even any The other shocks came yearly competition, usually being
good snubs to get my blood boiling. in the technical categories (but placed against Actors-turned-
The biggest shock was Mike Leigh's nod really, how exciting is that? Directors? Or is it becoming some
for Best Director (Vera Drake.) Yet, it barely Not very.) The Polar Express comic Susan Lucci-ish joke? I have no
made a dent with me. I adore Leigh (how can you gained two tech noms but was answer. Perhaps the Oscars will
not?) but I was hoping for more extreme, uncon- snubbed for Animated Feature. derail from the DGA's as it's done a
ventional shocks like Michel Gondry, (Eternal My Dream List article panned few times in the past. Perhaps The
Sunshine...) Michael Moore, (Fahrenheit 9/11) out correctly in terms of Aviator's PGA (Producer's Guild
Awards) win still makes it the fron-
Walter Salles (The Motorcycle Diaries) or who/what wouldn't be nomi-
Quentin Tarantino (Kill Bill Vol. 2). Vera Drake nated. I can't claim surprise or trunner.

loved director.
"7.-1----1- ___: __ ýA- i
is a controversial film, but Leigh is a much- even too much disappointment,ýftV7 I -C
as 1a aireaay resigneu myseit niLtense
- A
The ballots have gone out, the
+%CZt h b%
ni ng
aIIa U nUl, allnU

My previous articles on Sideways and to the fact. the films are going into wide(r)
Ray lived up (sadly) to my expectations. Raywas Post-nomination talk showed a three- release. All we can do now is sit back and watch
recognized for Best Picture and Director, beat- way race (though I claim a two-way) between how things play out on February 2 7t h.
ing out other deserving films, based solely on The Aviator, Million Dollar Baby and Sideways, The Cinema Arts Centre in Huntington is
its powerhouse star vehicle and its box office with The Aviator having an advantage given its having an Oscar Night party at 8pm on Sunday,
revenue. Their campaign continues to be bril- 11 noms and larger than life appeal. And then February 2 7 th Admission is free.

Page 18
Nas- Street Disciple
By Joan Leong
Nas is one of the most influential and have been that kind of woman Na s would have made for radio hits because they were entirely
respected rappers of our time and this album married. The song "Rest of My Life" follows catchy, melodic and second-rate in comparison
was able to reflect his talent and voice. Streets along the same theme, about how 1Iqas turned his to his other tracks. I wish I could tell you what
Disciple, his seventh album has numerous life around from a life of crime a nd poverty to they were about but I do not have the remotest
tracks revealing his political state of mind and success. He tries to inspire all th<e kids his old idea what was said. "Virgo," "Making of the
other important social issues prevalent in the neighborhood that he went throuigh the same Perfect Bitch," and "Remember the Times" were
African-American community. Despite his thing and that they do not need to turn to crime songs I fully and completely hated. In "Virgo"
achievements with this album, you also have to because they can overcome that. he brags about fucking girls because he could
take it with a grain of salt, a large grain of salt. and is just very cocky about the whole thing.
There are several disturbing tracks about his "Makings of the Perfect Bitch" was just awful
sexual past with women that I had to skip because I thought it was very childish in the
because it was just entirely too crass. Streets way he was trying to be all macho by describing
Disciple is a two-disc compilation of songs his perfect woman as a submissive sex-toy who
ranging from his resentment of the Bush fulfils his every wish and does his taxes. It was
Administration to his regretful past to crime just stupid.
and violence ruining his peers. "Remember the Times" is hands down
The first track on disc one is called "A the worst of them, because he brags about his
Message to the Feds, Sincerely, We the People," decorative sexual history. He claims he has
is a bitter song about people who are constantly done it with anything with a vagina from girls in
targeted by the feds. He seems to blame white wheelchairs, to midgets, twins, mothers, girls
people it seems because he calls the feds with funny odors, girls who tried to eat his
Abercrombie and Fitch, Diesel wearing marks- excrement, etc. He brags about all his trips to
men who see him and his peers as trouble. He the abortion clinic and the time he got a urinary
blames them for the death of innocent women tract infection. Nas tries to redeem himself in
and children and for mixing up the coke they the end, by saying he is no longer that way and
sell on his streets. There is a strong statement his priorities have changed and he is a changed
in this song because he believes their spirit man. But he only sums it up in five lines and in
will never die and one day his enemies will get one line he said EWW. Well, it isn't easy to for-
their just desserts. Probably my favorite song get what I just heard and it was all just very,
off this album is "The American Way" featuring very, very gross. He does seem to have a sweet
his fiancee Kelis. "Vote for who now? I'm side though because he has a semi-romantic

ar . IL
song dedicated to his fiancee Kelis called
American too but I ain't with the President's
crew. . . . Try to lead my sheep to the slaughter
house. . . . The black vote mean nothing, who you "Just a Moment" is a tribut e to people all
e ngLL
r n 11ab
g Uy guax
"Arrf l
y " I t h aQ rr niinilu

in it because he loves Kelis but don't worry, he

u a
rnrvr l ine

gonna elect? Satan or Satan?" I think he speaks over the world who live and die tr agic lives. He machos it up by throwing in a few cuss words
for a great deal of the American public during gives his sympathy to the troops i n the war, the here and there. But I liked it because...I'm a girl
the 2004 election when our choices of candi- children dying in Africa, the siingle mothers and he wants to give her a Cinderella wedding
dates were a crappy Kerry and Satan. "I don't who bust their asses, for the hi p-hop moguls and promises her the world and who doesn't like
care about the candidates. . . they burnt this who have passed, and for all the victims in the hearing that. "Bridging the Gap" is a touching
country to bits. . . that's the American way. "He world. "Reason" is another track Sthat reflects song because it features his father Olu Dara, a
cannot relate to the presidential candidates how disillusioned he is with pecople. The cop jazz musician on the trumpet. Father and son are
because they are all phonies who just want the who is supposed to protect us is a ctually a seri- both entirely proud of each other and it's just a
Black vote when in reality they honestly do not al killer, the father who left the ir women and great song. The last song is a loving dedication
care about anything. I highly recommend this children are all featured in this sc)ng about how to his daughter Destiny and it redeems him in
song and it actually pretty catchy. fucked up this world we are living in. I think all my eyes for those previous nasty songs.
Another song I would recommend is the praise-worthy songs were confined to the This two-disc album was pretty well
"Live Now" and he encourages everyone to live first disc, except for the over-thie-top disgust- done. I would recommend this CD but I would
life the right way. He has 'seen the people ing hidden track. "She'll scream. S. when she tell you to skip most of disc two. Nas is one of
around him lead tragic lives and the goal of the piss, she's gonna bleed in the whol e stool. That's the only rappers today that I respect and would-
song is inspire you to change. There is a per- how much I want to bang and to\uch her pretty n't mind listening to. He brings up very impor-
formance by a girl named Scarlett that was thing." I think that is self-expla natory why it tant issues in today's society like discrimina-
touching. She traveled all over the world party- sucks. tion, poverty, crime and war. Sometimes he
ing and having promiscuous sex and just sup- Disc Two is full of medioc:re tracks, like appears too cocky and his album cover art is of
porting a wild lifestyle and now she regrets it they were made for the radio an( d they did not the Last Supper and he is Jesus. But, whatever
all because along the way, she contracted HIV. have the same impact as the first CD. "Suicide floats his boat. Other than the songs degrading
She tells you all that the material things in life Bounce" and "No One Else in the Room" featur- women, you should give Streets Disciple a
no longer matter and she wishes that she could ing Busta Rhymes and Maxwell vvere obviously chance.
Briefly Brief Briefing
By Tara Lynne Groth
Instead of seeing a DVD review and Carrey/Gondry Conversation on the original
thinking to yourself, I could just watch the DVD release and filmed in late 2004, mainly a Garden State
movie and decide for myself, here's some self-indulgent-patting-of-each-other's backs. Director: Zach Braff
insight on two DVDs released at the turn of the Winslet (Academy Award Nominee for Best Screenwriter: Zach Braff
New Year with additional information you will Actress for her performance in this film) Zach Braff, Natalie Portman, Ian Holm,
not find on the back of the box. should stick to the acting and avoid being inter- Method Man
viewed. (Released December 28, 2004)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless
Mind Collector's Double Disc Edition What does New Jersey offer
Director: Michel Gondry without having to go through a tun-
Screenwriter: Charlie Kaufman ne ?
Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Kirsten
Dunst, Mark Ruffalo, Elijah Wood Audio _Commentaries by
(Released January 4, 2005) Writer/Director/Actor Zach Braff,
Actress Natalie Portman and
What is on the original sin- Filmmakers: Reveals how Braff created the
gle-disc edition? story from pieces of his own life that are
expressed through his character Andrew
A Look Inside Eternal Sunshine of Largeman. An example of what's dis-
the Spotless Mind - Jim Carrey is cussed...During the scene where Andrew and
always a good laugh, but the real surprise Sam (Natalie Portman) meet in a neurologist's
is the revelation that no blue screen was office, the command for getting the seeing eye
used in filming. dog to hump Andrew's leg is "Who's your
A Conversation With Jim Carrey bitch?"
and Director Michel Gondry: If you Outtakes and Bloopers: Not worth com-
can tolerate Gondry's thick French accent menting on.
this is well worth the viewing. At least 16 Deleted Scenes: The most I've ever seen
watch this for a scene where Carrey drives on a DVD! The extended scene of Andrew get-
a bed (a VW is converted into a mattress ting pulled over by a cop is brilliant. Watch
with wheels) around a gas station-this was the alternate scene of Andrew and Sam in the
omitted from the film. bathtub to see Zach Braff's attempt at weep-
Feature Commentary With Michel ing.
Gondry and Screenwriter Charlie Deleted/Extended Scenes: Quite impres- "Making-Of" Featurette: Extremely enter-
Kaufman: Again, if you can tolerate the French sive, and still the reasons for being cut are taining. Ian Holm predicts his character will
accent of Gondry, go for it. Charlie Kaufman dis- obvious. There is an altered scene between Joel break away from gravedigging and become a
anda-J Clementi
^1 -* „- - -- A.' - __-1- ^- - /\ ^- -„ . " - + +
appoints and only offers commentary worth
.commenting on during a handful of scenes. is "seducing'
Deleted Scenes: Disappointing, the reasons ment over B
are obvious why these didn't make the feature. entirely left
They're slow or contain too deep a tone than the between a c
feature itself. never on-scre
Polyphonic Spree "Light & Day" Music friend Naomi
Video break up in a
Lacuna Commercial Hidden Se
this entirel3
What is on the amazing 2-Disc Insert the
Collector's Edition? Edition Bonu
main menu r
Everything above! first link (Ins
of Michel
Inside the Mind of Michel Gondry: highlighted.
Unfortunately none of the additional features top arrow k(
that include Gondry have subtitles. If you can cursor will I
decipher his accent, he addresses this language checkered li
barrier and makes fun of how people think he's bottom of th
a genius because he sounds smart with an Select this ai
accent. Of course, he is a genius. Gondry dis- a short, ver,
cusses his determination to create all special probably te
affects with the camera and not in post-produc- onds, cartoo
tion. One of his ideas was to have a car under the ated by
ice in the famous scene where Joel (Jim Carrey) Barkish. Th
and Clementine (Kate Winslet) are lying on the t i t 1
Charles River. This was never done, but lends an "M isa dventi
example to how Gondry creates his films. of Superd
Anatomy of a Scene: Saratoga Avenue: and features
The musical score, special effects, and the chal- dog walkil
lenges the actors faced are documented in-depth upstairs,
regarding this specific scene in the film. Fun door i:
factoids are revealed...during this scene the opened and
composer shakes boxes of Tic-Tacs in the score, he is swal-
it is revealed that Clementine is walking with lowed by the
only a single leg in one shot, and Yonkers resi- breasts of
dents are barricaded off the street. cartoon rabbi
A Conversation With Kate Winslet and rabbit at leas
Director Michel Gondry:To complement the is Eternal Su

Page 20
The Fiery Furnaces: EP
By Seth Maggiore
So what does a band that comes from sweet ballad "Evergreen," ironically amusing could be mistaken for a cheap electronic meets
relative obscurity to tour with Wilco in a mat- "Smelling Cigarettes" and the ultra-dubbed, minimalist rock rip-off, with the standard loud
ter of two years do for an encore at the start of wonderfully dizzying remix of "Tropical Ice- sound effects accompanied by simple chord
2005? Release a collection of their B-sides, of Land" (Originally from Gallowsbird's Bark). progressions. This false conclusion is unfortu-
course. Although this move would confuse most nately a product of cynical people who have
music executives, it makes perfect sense for fallen into a nasty habit of judging things at face
fans and new comers of The Fiery Furnaces. EP value. Sometimes it's hard not to be this way
offers the like an opportunity to explore this considering all the crap that's out there musi-
band's colorful and, to say the least, fascinating cally, but just below the surface an original
back catalog of songs. sound can be discovered; one in which elabo-
This brother-sister duo (Matthew and rately detailed storytelling, great dubbing and
Eleanor Friedberger) based out of Brooklyn has amazing instrumentals merge for a melodic
been making noticeable strides since their quality that's more contagious than chicken pox
inception as abasement project in 2002 with the in a class of first graders.
release of two critically acclaimed full length In conclusion, this CD is great. Every
albums, Gallowsbird's Bark and Blueberry Boat, little detail makes you love it more and more
in addition to extensive touring both nationally with subsequent listening, such as bountiful
and abroad. With plans for another full-length references to drinking, journeying to quirky
album to be released this year in the works, and places and apparently absolute adoration for
a supportive record label, there's no indication alliteration (I guess that's contagious-as-wel--)-
that the group is losing momentum. Yet with so Even the title is paradoxically amusing because
much going on for The Fiery Furnaces they have this collection of scattered B-sides feels more
flown under the publicity radar undetected, for like a planned out full length album than the
the most part anyhow. The reason for this is bastard leftovers which composed their previ-
fairly simple: they're too good at what they do. ous EP's. This is due in part to the way The
They have taken their knacks and developed Fiery Furnaces recorded some of their songs
something new, which either confuses or continuously (a tactic derived from their live
detracts many people. What's left is an audio shows), few creative inhibitions and an overall
adventure for all those who don't shy away from lax feeling in their music (probably attributed
strange or different music, which is a reward Credit must be given to the immense to the fact that they don't expect many people to
for those who care. amount of talent displayed instrumentally as buy it). In a money-hungry music industry
The first track and most recent single, well as lyrically. With blatantly obvious influ- where collections of sub par B-sides are often
"Single Again," is a prime example of the band's ences such as The Who, the hectic drumming pushed off on us to make rich people even rich-
storytelling ability. The song begins with a and timely guitar performances would make er without really doing anything, The Fiery
blaring electronic beat, which sounds like it's Keith Moon and Pete Townsend proud (which is Furnaces managed to use it as an opportunity to
from a futuristic dance song, then progresses truly amazing considering that Keith Moon has make something unusual. The result is one of
into a narrative of a woman who wishes to be free been dead for almost 25 years). The piano parts the most underrated, unappreciated and overall
from her abusive, eventually homicidal hus- at some points in EP are extremely critical and fantastic bands around today are giving you, the
band. Although the subject matter may sound magnificently played, often times creating a listener, and an awesome album for about $10.
unappealing, the song becomes upbeat with a backbone for songs that sometimes seem like In other words buy the damn CD and enjoy it.
pleasant plot twist and an ironic ending. Other they lack direction.
equally terrific songs from EP are the bitter- At first listen The Fiery Furnaces

Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi,

I Will Have Sex With You Botih!
So, I walk into the Press office, intent on me that the CD was from a band called Hi
finding an empty couch to lie upon and sleep Hi Puffy Ami Yumi, a Japanese pop sen-
away my remaining education. But fuck, there sation and host of a cartoon network
were people all over the place. This was discon- Television show. So I naturally decided I
certing; therefore I immediately viewed all of w6uld review this CD, as nothing news-
these people as enemies of freedom. My freedom worthy had sparked my interest in the
to lie on a couch and take fucking naps. I recent weeks.
remained vigilant and steadfast in my dedica- For starters, it has to be said;
tion and would not compromise. For the couch is Japanese pop music is way better than
like a fire, that warms those who lie upon it, but American pop music. A self-aware and
burns those with weak immune systems. So self-parodying quality is always appar-
eventually I find my way onto the couch, people ent, - and that alone differentiates.
talk, things are handed out, and articles are However, in terms of song quality and
promised. It slowly dawns on me that I am at a variety, Puffy Ami Yumi completely
staff meeting, and I'm supposed to be doing a job defecates on pale-faced gaijin demons
of some sort. Something involving vouchers and like Buritoni Supirusu and Kurisutena
carbon paper, whatever, everyone there is a fas- Agyurea. Exhibiting qualities from doo-
cist. wop to modern day pop punk they display
While there, I noted that a single CD had an awareness of rhythm and tone far
not been handed out for review. So I inquired as beyond their years...or at least their pro-
to what this CD was. Our eternally informed and ducers do.
omniscient features editor Melanie Donovan Therefore, if you enjoy the voices
said "Put some pants on, Jesus Christ!" After of squeaky Japanese girls, out of a porno-
conceding to Ms. Donovan's terms, she then told graphic context, then this CD is for you!

Page 21
Ani Difranco Knuckles Down
in the Company of Her Friends
Tanaka By Christine
So, I'm going to be honest with you. This political edge to her songs than is shown in this a chilling account of walking through your own
album has been playing in my car since the day album. Don't get me wrong, she didn't com- home in the dark and realizing that you're not
it was released, with the exception of the State pletely abandon her politics, I was just expect- alone. I think this may be one of my favorite of
of the Union address, and will probably still be ing more since the election just passed. Then her poems. Thirty-three years go by / And not
playing in my car when this gets printed. Ani again, it's January, the election once do you come home / To.
went solo on her last album Educated Guess and was in November, so she must find a man sitting in your bed-
a lot of Ani fans loved it, but couldn't help have written these songs before room / That is / A man you
missing the drums and the horns. On the other then, in which case I would don't know / Who came a long
hand, some of her most loyal fans were com- expect her next album to be way to deliver one very specif-
pletely turned off by the production and vowed more political. I digress. ic message: lock your back
never to buy another Ani album. Some of them The album moves pretty door you idiot / However
bought this new album anyway and ended up smoothly, starting with invincible you imagine your-
falling back in love with Ani DiFranco. "Knuckle Down" which was self to be / You are wrong.
In her new album Knuckle Down, Ani pushed back from her last She's commenting on the fact
reintroduces drums and experiments with a new album Educated Guess. You can that you may think you know
type of band. Ani has been touring around the see the lyrics and music of this things so you don't concentrate
country (and other countries) with a new band- song are very much like those on them, and then you-reali-ze
mate Todd Sikafoose, who plays the string bass. in Educated Guess (it is just that things change when you're
On the album, instead of having a brassy back- produced completely differ- not looking. New as you are,
ground, she is now accompanied by strings and ently) and it seems to help con- really, to the idea that /Even.
percussion (violin, string bass, electric guitar, nect this album to the last. The after you've long since gotten
piano, melodica, wurlitzer, chamberlin and, my third, fifth and twelfth songs, used to the parameters / They
• 1 1- I TTI- *I.-1 '
favorite, the glockenspiel). "Manhole ', 'Modulation" and can all change / waiie you re
However odd her choices of instruments, "Recoil", respectively, are also amazing songs. out one night having a drink with a friend. The
she is always able to bring them together to If I weren't so afraid of making such awesome picture she paints in your head as she makes
make a fabulous album. (Can I just say glocken- songs played out in my own head, I would put her way through this poem is very vivid.
spiel again?) If you've heard all of Ani's the these songs on repeat forever! Okay maybe All in all, Ani has made me fall in love
albums, you realize that she doesn't have any that's a bit much, but you get the point, they're with her music all over again. Ani grows grace-
one kind of style. Every album is different from good. I think the only song I haven't really got- fully in her music style and is always able to tie
the last and, of course, that includes this one. ten into is "Minerva". It's not because of the it back in to her roots in one way or another.
In the past, when hearing her new albums, it lyrics, I think it's more the melody, which isn't She never ceases to amaze me with her insights
took me a couple run-throughs to get into it; but as catchy as most. on life, love, society and politics. My final
I only needed to listen to Knuckle Down once to If you didn't already know, Ani thoughts on this album as a whole, in one word,
get into it. DiFranco is also a poet, as most musicians are. excellent!
Lyrically, Ani usually has a little more Her spoken word piece "Parameters" (track 8) is

An Overwhelming Revi ew
The Residents: Not Availa ble
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Page 22
-- ------ -----

Tori Amos
I -
Sleeps With Butterflies
I By Melanie Donovan
This Tori Amos CD is a CD single, lity here. There are also points in
which means there is only one song on it. song where it sounds like she is
It does not even include a remix, not that ag a British accent; and not a very
Tori Amos' songs need to be remixed. So, d one, at that. It is not a horrible
there is only one song. The song is enti- g, but it is definitely not her best.
tled, "Sleeps with Butterflies," and is st hope the rest of the album can
from the album, The Beekeeper. The ke up for this. "Sleeps with
Beekeeper will be released February terflies" is a very simple song,
nd ch has that Joni Mitchell folk
2 2 and is the follow-up to 2002's
Scarlet's Walk. Fans will also be inter- nd. She does keep her emotional
ested to hear that The Beekeeper will Sa part of this song, as it usually
indeed be released in a special limited vith any of her other songs.
edition version, complete with the 19- The soothing sounds of Tori
track album as well as an extended 24- os can always calm and comfort a
page booklet and a bonus DVD. son. Tori's music is widely fol-
Tori Amos is a great artist and ed because of her mix of vulnera-
songwriter, she has a lovely melodic voice ity and mysterious sexuality,
that shows in this one song. With her ped off with her stunning beauty.
voice she cannot go wrong, but I have to if you are a Tori fan, then you can
say the lyrics to this song are a bit weak. ggle up with your acoustic and
Amos is known for her meaningful songs vind with this peaceful song about
and poetic lyrics, but I would say this one Is and butterflies...yes, how very
is just mediocre. With lyrics like, "...But e.
I believe I'm worth comin' home to / Kiss
away night / This girl only sleeps with
butterflies..." it does not show the Amos

Page 23
the purpose of this dissertation we will focus on two arti-
PHYSICS cles of commentary.
Let us begin by examining the second issue, where
Since I'm an angry, bitter jerk and accomplishes this by extending her cosmic we see the Fantastic Four in Heaven in their quest to res-
physics has drained any spark of youthful ray-mutated hair follicles to cover her urrect Ben Grimm, also known as "The Thing." The angels,
exuberance and imagination from me, I entire body. I believe that Sue's body hair displeased that mortals have infiltrated their sanctum,
feel prone to approach most Living has a particular index of refraction which attempt to kick the FF out of Heaven. The rationale given is
Tribunal comic books with impatience and diverts incident photons at Brewster's that they are displeased that the FF are not yet deceased;
skepticism. The Fantastic Four, however, Angle. Her body hair works as an intricate therefore they do not belong in Heaven. However, a closer
strikes a little too close to home and fiber optic cable system with total inter- examination reveals a clear case of racism fueled by xeno-
drudges up memories of those wonderful nal reflection. All she need do is retract phobia.
days in the early to mid- 90's where I her hair and the fiber optics are covered According to the social disorganization theory of
would lie on my bed reading the latest by her epidermis. deviance, social instability-ostensibly caused by an
Marvel creations that cost only a buck Benjamin Grimm was also trans- influx of outsiders such as the FF in this case-leads to a
twenty-five. I'd pop some Pearl Jam or formed into something fantastic on that disruption of the community's moral values and norms.
some Weezer into the tape player and join fateful day aboard the spaceship. His body Such disruption is due to the conflicting norms and prac-
Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben on their most is covered in orange rock-like plating that tices of the dominant group and the outsiders. The FF
fantastic of adventures. Well, my nostalgia is very hard to penetrate. When Ben was being mortals, they have a penchant for behavior inconsis-
has hereby gotten the best of me and I exposed to the radiation, I believe his skin tent with the mores of Heaven-they are labeled as "sinful"
intend to stick by the Fantastic Four as mutated and now produces an excessive in accordance with the angels' essentialist norms. In the
they have stuck by me during those lonely amount of calcium which becomes very- eyes of the denizens of Heaven, the presence of "sinful"
teenage years. rigid and dense like rock. He is orange mortals invalidates and negates the standing of Heaven as
Reed Richards goes by the name Mr. because his diet consists -mainly of a utopia of absolute good. Indeed, one could reasonably
Fantastic but this true believer thinks mechanically processed cheese. 'Nuff said. conclude that the presence of the FF actually nullifies any
that it's the understatement of the centu- Johnny Storm is better known as and all good within the celestial community. The harsh
ry. Not only is his body endowed with the Human Torch because he bursts into implications of the essentialist system of mores are rather
super elasticity, but he was a goddamn flames and is able to project blasts of fire self-evident in this case. Viewed in this light the angels'
genius long before their space shuttle was at will. Johnny is probably the most fan- apparent racism and xenophobia is understandable, as it is
bombarded with cosmic rays giving its tastic of the four in my opinion. You see, a function of their fragile social cohesion.
passengers unimaginable powers. what happened when he was exposed to Now let us continue by examining an advertisement
Stretcho's abilities can easily be high amounts of radiation, his skin, the on page 20 of issue 1, which depicts a young boy receiving
explained through the theories of modern largest organ in the body, gained the abil- a buzz cut by Captain America. The product is a "Haircuts
physics. Originally, I thought that Reed ity to produce high amounts of com- For Heroes" home haircut kit, including guides on how to
would be able to. stretch his body simply bustible gas which he can now project emulate the hairstyle of one's favorite Marvel superhero.
by spreading out his molecules but upon through his pores. This is comparable to Conflict theorists (especially of the Marxist school) would
reconsideration this cannot be the case the Bombadier Beetle (an actual insect. propose that such an advertisement is representative of
since he would thus be drastically altering found in nature) who uses a similar bodi- corporations' desires to control every aspect of our lives
his density. Basically, if he stretched out ly function as a defense'mechanism. When simply to make a profit. In this case, Marvel Inc. wishes to
too much, he would evaporate. Since cosmic the Human Torch says, "Flame on!"' howev- determine which hairstyles our children shall sport, cap-
rays are just ionized particles and high er, he actually means, "Gas on!" since it is italizing upon the laziness and cheapness of suburban
energy electromagnetic radiation, it would not actually fire that he is projecting from mothers. Conflict theorists would argue that the greed of
be perfectly reasonable for a high concen- his skin. That would be ridiculous. Instead CEOs combines with the apathy and mindless consumerism
tration of said rays to cause a genetic his skin emits the combustible gas and, of American families to result in a culture of corporatist
mutation in one's DNA. Skipping the akin to mercury fulminate, vibrations in slavery, while Stan Lee makes a profit. This would result
euphemisms, Reed Richards would have the air cause his excrement to instanta- in a devaluation of the ordinary citizen/consumer, a low-
the ability to "control" his cancer. Just as neously ignite. Much like a pilot light ering of self-esteem that could lead to deviant behavior as
one controls a muscle to bend one's elbow, stove,, the constant expulsion of gas keeps a reactionary measure against the prevailing social system.
Reed wills the cells in his arm to multiply the actual flame away from his tissue. Due However, functionalists would argue that the
and extend his body in any direction as to the high pressure of the gas leaving his actions of Marvel Inc. in dictating hairstyles through their
any shape he wants. In order to accomplish skin, Johnny's body temperature should marketing machine, are vital to the prevailing social order,
this, however, Reed would have to supply drastically plummet. This can be shown keeping deviance in check and keeping society running
his body with an enormous amount of through the simplest of thermodynamics smoothly. In this case, the individuality of the potential
energy. My "Cancer Control" theory is cor- equations, pV =.nRT. This cooling effect is haircut recipients is not an issue. By exercising social
roborated by the high caloric intake Reed countered by the heat generated from the control through the usage of revered pop icons and clever
necessitates and demonstrates in the pages flames, thus preserving the Human Torch's product placement in beloved comic series such as FF,
of FF #509 wherein he eats two cartons of body in a state of perfect thermodynamic Marvel Inc. is attempting to instill a respect for social con-
Chinese food, a large bag of tortilla chips, equilibrium. To top it all off, he can fly by formity among its readers. The FF, then, are presented as
a cup of coffee, and an entire large pizza. projecting his flame downward which pro- figures to emulate, real-life heroes to worship, the end
Sue Storm is the Invisible Woman. duces a thermal updraft and allows Johnny result of which is a successful reduction of juvenile delin-
Piece of cake. The human eye "sees" things to swoop into action. quency and the massive social ills associated with it. And,
when it detects photons of frequencies As you can plainly see, the after all, who wouldn't want hair just like Johnny Storm?
within the visible spectrum emitted by the Fantastic Four are perfectly feasible. Not In closing, The Fantastic Four: Hereafter provides
surface of an object. The only way Sue only are they here to save us from inter- an intriguing look into the underlying social mechanisms
could become invisible is if she could galactic threats and world domination, but behind deviant behavior and the holistic workings of soci-
somehow redirect photons from things they are also respectful of the equally fan- ety. For this reason it is a must-read for any student of
behind her to the front of her body. She tastic physical laws of nature. Excelsior! sociology worth his or her salt.

Page 24
Al +w~I~rEiFr~ FO

nt sti F(I j[I ee [te

They call Reed Richards Mr. Fantastic. Knowing the unknowable, seeking the
While a seemingly egotistical moniker upon eternally hidden, these are the tenets that drive
first glance, one peek at his curriculum vitae the Fantastic Four. When confronted with the
will quash any thoughts of derision your com- death of one of their most stable and stalwart
paratively feeble mind may wish to concoct. members, Benjamin Grimm, they react in the
While the superpower bestowed upon him by only way they know how: by exploring. But how
cosmic rays is his patented elasticity, the abil- does one explore so boldly as to pierce the veil
ity that separates him from the rest of the between the living and the nonliving? One could
superhero herd is his super-genius level intel- easily argue against the concept of life after
lect. While most of us enjoy leisurely activities death even existing, that it is simply an illusion
such as reading, watching movies or invading we grant ourselves in order to make life more
countries on false premises; Reed discovers par- bearable. But these are comic book characters,
allel universes and creates pocket dimensions to therefore the rules of life and death are fluid
use as cup-holders. By all accounts, Reed is the and easily revocable.
intellectual authority of the Marvel Universe. To attempt to use them as a analogy for
When it comes to death, however, Mr. Fantastic; what happens in our physical world is mislead-
has a learning disability. ing and bears very little fruit. Instead the inter-
It all started with the demise of his best action they have with their afterlife and their
friend and teammate, Ben Grimm; better known- "God," as it was, becomes a fascinating reflection
as the rock-skinned Thing. During a battle with on the mythology of the comic book hero. Their
Dr. Doom, the Fantastic Four's tin-plated neme- creator is the man who originally drew them,
sis managed to wrest control of the Thing's mind Jack Kirby, and thus it is he who ends up heal-
away from Grimm and used his inordinate ing and inspiring the group. He makes the point
strength to subdue his friends. In order to pre- that they are actually the eternal; that they are
vent the Thing, still being controlled by Dr. the ones who will go on existing, while the "real"
Doom, from killing the Human Torch, Reed had to world will change and eventually end. As Mr.
kill Grimm in order to save the helpless Torch. Kirby so succinctly put it "my creations find
In the moments after the Thing's death, Reed the humanity in God."
experienced an emotion that he seems to be com- It's an interesting interpretation of the
pletely incapable of understanding: helpless- creation mythos and brings to mind many philo-
ness. Mr. Fantastic had just murdered his best sophical concepts. The idea of our creator as not
friend, and there was nothing he could do about a perfect and eternally good figure can find a
it. . tacit implication in the works of Descartes.
Whereas most rational human beings Although he would adamantly proclaim the uni-
would accept the loss and begin the grieving versality of the Church as well as the Catholic
process, Reed fails to grasp the reality of the faith, implicit in his writings is a challenge of
situation. Rather than being with his family at the standard concept of God. A misleading
this difficult time, Reed absconds with the demon, who has utilized all of his power in
Thing's deceased body and puts it in stasis in deceiving our physical senses. However ominous
his lab at Fantastic Four headquarters. Instead and dark this sounds, it is meant to imply that
of going through the traditional stages of grief one should not limit themselves to a perfect and
outlined by pop psychologists everywhere, Reed always good ideal of God.
goes through several stages of being a bitter ass- Thus, Cartesian philosophy is the driv-
hole. While the other members of the team con- ing spirit behind the interactions portrayed in
soled each other, Reed isolated himself in his this Fantastic Four story. They come into con-
lab and desecrated his friend's body to satisfy tact with God and are shocked by the actual
his own selfish need to eliminate his feelings of characteristics of their creator. A frail old man
guilt. o sitting at a drawing board, long since deceased
Despite all of his impressive knowledge living on only through his creations. However,
and skill, the concept of learned helplessness this is not meant to imply that they come away
seems to fly over the head of Mr. Fantastic. In from the experience completely underwhelmed.
other words, when one encounters death a num- This is, after all, a representation of their God
ber of times, it becomes clear that there is noth- and not their God himself, subject to the mind of
ing he or she can do about it. To Reed, the idea the writer of the story. Unfortunately, abstracts,
of someone being gone forever is beyond him. If in this sense, can go on eternally, so I choose to
this is how Reed reacts to the first true mortal focus on the positive aspects.
tragedy in his life, he is going to have a very dif-- It's part of the magic of myths and sto-
ficult time in the years to come. He has to real- ries. They allow us to view ourselves in an inti-
ize that some aspects of existence are beyond mate relationship with Gods and heroes. They
even his considerable grasp. Even though this tell us about ourselves and we in turn inspire
particular occurrence ends with Reed succeed- them to legend. We are collaborators, nuff' said.
ing in the end and retrieving the Thing's body
from the afterlife, he needs to understand the
true meaning of death in order to be a healthy
A Delayed 2004 Season in
Review In American Soer
By Antony Lin
The year has come to an end and it is finished in first place of the semifinal round of Sep 7 @ Guatemala TBA
time to reflect on what happened throughout World Cup qualifying. Oct 8/9 @ Costa Rica TBA
American soccer. The final round of the World Cup qualifying hex Oct 12 vs. Panama TBA
schedule for the US is as follows:
Major League Soccer U.S. Women's National Team
The 2004 MLS season saw DC United taking the Feb 9 @ Trinidad & Tobago 2:30 PM ET Came away and took home the gold in the
Cup title over Kansas City Wizards by the score ESPN2 Olympics the past summer in Greece. U.S. got its
line of 3-2. DC United head coach, Peter Nowak, Mar 26/27 @ Mexico 1PM ET Telemundo revenge on Germany by defeating them 2-1 in
won his first title in his first year as head coach Mar 30 vs. Guatemala 8PM ET ESPN2 the semifinals and took the gold by defeating
after getting off to a slow start in the season. Jun 4/5 vs. Costa Rica TBA Brazil with the same score line.
Young soccer phenom, Freddy Adu, became the Jun 8 @ Panama TBA *Top Pioneers and legends, Mia Hamm, Julie Foudy
youngest player in all of professional sports to three teams qualify for the 2006 World Cup in and Joy Fawcett ended their remarkable
win a title at the age of 15. Germany. careers. Hamm and Foudy played their last emo-
U.S. Soccer Player 6f the Year, Landon tional match on Dec. 8t and defeated Mexico
Donovan, appears to be headed back to Bayer 5-0, while Fawcett sat out for the match.
Leverkusen of the German Bundesliga. - Head coach, April Heinrich inks a three-
Donovan, on loan from Bayer Leverkusen, led year contract to remain as coach.
the San Jose Earthquakes to MLS Cup titles in
2001 and 2003. A lot has happened in 2004. 2005 looks to
Former Dallas Burn, now Real Salt Lake for- have another exciting-year in American soc-
ward Jason Kreis becomes the all-time lead- cer, aside from World Cup qualifying.
ing scorer in MLS.
MetroStars midfielder Amado Guevara was Two expansion teams in MLS, Club Deportivo
named MVP for the season. Chivas USA, based in Los Angeles, and Real
Midfielder DaMarcus Beasley leaves the Salt Lake will make their debut.
Chicago Fire and heads off to PSV Eindhoven FC Dallas, formerly Dallas Burn, will open
of the DutchLeague and makes immediate in their newly built soccer-specific stadi-
impact. um with a capacity of 21,000, known as
All-time New England Revolution goal-scor- Frisco Soccer and Entertainment Center.
er and 3r d all-time US National Team goal Former MetroStar striker Clint Mathis
scorer, Joe-Max Moore announced his retire-, returns to MLS, this time for Real Salt Lake,
ment after a successful stint at Hannover 96 of the
German Bundesliga.
U.S. Men's National Team After labor conflicts between the U.S. Soccer
The US Men's NT finished the year with an Aug 17 vs. Trinidad & Tobago TBA Federation and the Player's Association, a deal
impressive record of 8 wins, 1 loss and 6 ties. Fourth place teams go into a home and away has finally been reached, but only for a year.
Currently the team is on a record 13-game playoff with an Asian nation.
unbeaten streak. The Nats stayed unbeaten and Sep 3/4 vs. Mexico TBA

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Page 26

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Page 27
I - -

Episode Three:


o^^,M\ k l^
wA9 I haven't
Mark Bellhorn inquires of seen anything
Curtis Leskanik, Red Sox but the belly
Mechanic, of the ol' Sox
-Hey, Curtis, Copter. I Cold Shoulder,
have you seen ain't stopping Fat Tuesday
Brian Daubac h till she starts
ywhere lately?" choppin'!"
··-·- ----
· ------ .I L. ill II

··· --·--
·- . --·-·----
·- -----
······-··-········ --····--------------------
Bellhorn found Cesar
Crespo grillin' hamburgers
with the fiery passion so Hanging out, chatting, by
typical the water cooler, it's
of the relievers Byung-Hyun Kim
.. iiii:.iii..Crespo and Ramiro Mendoza.
.. replied,
"Oh, that?
That's just
a grease
fire. I've
got that
under control. But I have
to tell you, I haven't seen
Daubach in a while."

"Check me out, Kim, I'm

Varitek explained his
the latest jeremiad from
sudden nausea, "Thinking
conservative jurist Robert
back, I don't remember
Bork, 'Slouching Towards
seeing him on the train
a Gomorrah of Wanton
from 01' Louisiany! Can
you dig it?"

"Hey, "Oh, stand

Kim was distressed to Jason, do back! I'm
report that he couldn't you know about to
remember the last time where vomit into
he had seen Brian Daubach my batting
Daubach, Mark Bellhorn has got off helmet."
kept looking... to?"

"Ok, I'11
take the
staff and
Previously, on Your lis Burks
2004 World Series and check out the ground
Champion Boston
Red Sox... Brian Daubach? Yo
got the basement."

" " . " ·· ··-· ··I-·

Page 28
--.. .-........-
- ---- II.. .. I.... I II -------
.I II I I · 'I -%
Daubach said to himnself, SDaubach
"Well, maybe if I get a A littie girl
was hurr
move on to N'Orleans I along on
can make Mardi Gras!" his way.
I've got
to keep
if I'm
to get

--·- --------
----- -------
"What's that, you say? A I eanwhile. t
mystery? Well, hell, am I Mendoza replied,
a 2004 World Series "No, friend, what are
Champion Boston Red Sox you talking about?"

i or ain't I? I fight
mysteries! Revelry can
wait, let's get that cat of
Undeterred, the little yours out of the tree."
girl continued,

"Please, mister. I'd go

rescue the cat myself,
but I'm very sick. I
As Kim moved for another
don't know how he got
cup of water,
up that tree, anyways.
"Hey, Mendoza, you ever
It's a mystery."
think about big questions?"
"Like, what if God was
one of us? Just a... The cat was PIWOA =NMIM h-----------
just a slob like one of us?" savedl

The mystery fought,

Daubach continued on to
New Orleans.


"'1 II"- r r rrl I 'I r, _ I

Skank! Mi
Food po~isonEing! S.
Back in New England,
• . .- •-Id ,b *

Daubach told his story.

-... .- __..... _.II..IH _ IIHII.I_~_


Page 29
Things the
Statesman Will Give
You For an Article
to Fill Their Empty
10 Their Dignity
- ·~ ·
-- I ·
$20.00 and $13.46 in money
5 that didn't come fromnyour
Sstudent activity fee
- · `'
$33.46 and your
tograph in the paper
- · ·
$33.46, your photograph
3 in the paper and an old
Roth Pond Regatta craft
-r-- : ·:
$33.46, your photograph in the paper,
an old Roth Pond Regatta craft, a
2 water cooler and dreamy pinups
of former editor Mansoor Kahn
All that stuff and the chance
1 to learn how to write asa
sycophant for authority
Page 30
Beijing Modem
Million Dollar Baby Dance Company -
By Eddie Zadorozny
Boxing is a sport? That is revealed
here in the states, where boxing is accept- years,
Rear Light
fighter who has fought for thirty three

ed with such praise and acceptance. The lives at the gym and was trained by By Dustin Herlich
masses come out whenever the stakes are Frankie himself, knows the personality
of celebratory magnitude. For example, and flaws of Frankie. He sees in Maggie Direct from China, the powerful, fast-
they come out for those matches involving what others have not; determination, drive paced and energetic Beijing Modern Dance
such boxing notables as Tyson, Ali, and focus, all the while overlooking the Company dances to the music of Pink Floyd's
Leonard, etc. We, the masses, love it, we fact of her sex. He relates his impression "The Wall." Their first U.S. tour, the company
come out in droves, and of Maggie to Frankie and gets him to goes to the Joyce Theater in New York City
get caught up in all the hype of watching reassess his thoughts on training her. after Staller Center. Catch them here! Tickets:
two people pummel each other to near Frankie reluctantly agrees. Maggie $34.
comatose states, over not so much as a excels quickly and is soon fighting in That's all it says on the Staller Center web page.
title, but an absurd pay purse (the real championship fights as well as excelling Sounds interesting enough, but for 34 dollars, it's a lit-
incentive). in a bond with Frankie, who is very empa- tle out of the reach of most college students, and way far
I am not so much a boxing fan, but I thetic to his new prot6g6. All is well until out of my reach right now. Along comes not a spider,
do watch the occasional over hyped event, tragedy unfolds and the film's direction but Alexandra Duggan, Diregtor for Student Activities.
just like every other American. Yet I have becomes even more engrossing, as if you Alexandra was nice enough to secure a good amount of
never forgotten the comment my high yourself were in the ring taking the free tickets for a number of students, and being a mem-
school punches. The rest of the film must be ber of student media, I was sent a notice asking me if I
social studies teacher made about boxing. seen without any knowledge of its second would like to reserve a ticket and come watch the show.
"I will never watch boxing. I don't con- half to truly have the effect it will have on It's hard to resist the urge to just repeat wow about 750
sider it a sport, where the idea is to defeat you. Not that knowing would lessen the times and fill the half page. I have to thank Alexandra
your opponent by constant pummeling impact, but erase all your perceptions for the tickets. It was really nice to see Norm Prusslin
and pounding with the hopes of bringing and absorb the unexpected that will and Joan Gumbs at the performance as well.
your adversary to the point of uncon- impinge on you emotionally! This was the first event with some culture in it
scious or near death." I always felt some The three main characters are very that I had been to in an embarrassingly long time and
truth to that statement after analyzing it simple in their quests and purpose in perhaps that contributed to why I enjoyed it as much as
at such a young age; to me it seemed to life. The three of them make up a trian- I did. The production was definitely a modern dance
make sense. gle, each connecting to each other in a way performance and usually that's not my favorite medium
Is that what we watch boxing for? Is that displays the veracity in each, thus for creative expression but this was spectacular.
that sport? One cannot deny the thirst for making each more respectable as humans Modern enough to be less boring than some traditional
the sport that incorporates determination, with morals and standards. The beauty of ballets I've seen, but not modern enough to be called
drive and focus. These are the mental this is how simply this is told through abstract interpretational dance. It was a perfect in-
qualifications that are never shown, the circumstance and event. The ease of this between.
preparation of the training, the research is comparable to that of watching a black The dance was exceptionally precise and well
of other opponents and the lifestyle and white film, just two colors to tell a choreographed. You have to assume that a professional
changes, and sacrifices, you and those story, despite all the substance you get company of this caliber would only be as exacting and
associated with your camp of instruction with color, which flushes things out and flawless as they were, but I still say the synchronicity
make. make things even more appealing to the was noteworthy. Much of the on stage maneuvering was
I will admit that I entered the the- eye as a image. This leads to another fairly complex, -and sitting as high up as I was, I could
ater with the expectation of seeing an aspect of the film which I loved; though it see an almost aerial perspective of the performance.
above average tale of a boxing saga with a is in color, it felt like it was black and The view from up top I think really let me get an extra
woman as the title character, taking and white, almost like an homage to film noir. perspective, and extra angle of beauty those in the front
giving the punches. I was pleasantly sur- The use of silhouette in the film is rows completely missed out on.
prised, upon the viewing, that it was more very obvious and quite a feat. One scene The imagery flowed seamlessly with the music,
than your typical in particular is when Maggie, late at and the music we already know is spectacular. It was a
boxing film, but more so it was a deep night, is boxing on the bag, which Scrap is very moving display of movement. The dance really was
drama involving a triangle of characters, witnessing from a distance. The light that a good visual statement to compliment the sounds.
with redemption and hope as its main shines on her from above really brings Lighting and prop use really made the experience
drive. I had just seen the best picture of her into such a focus against such a enjoyable. The audience participation segment really
the year! blacked out background, it's as striking made me laugh out loud.
The picture is simple in its premise as lightening. Another is when Frankie While any opportunities to see them in this
at first. Hillary Swank plays Maggie comes to Maggie to explain to her that he country right now may be over, I'd highly recommend
Fitzpatrick, a thirty one year old desti- will train her as she is standing next to that anyone who has the opportunity to see them. I was
tute woman who has been working as a the punching bag. As one character comes lucky to see them for free, but I'd be happy to pay to see
waitress since the age of thirteen. Her forward into the light to talk, the other is them in the future.
only aspirations in life are to become a pushed back into a total black abyss, it's
boxer and to defeat the inevitable fate like each character is boxing with its
anticipated for her, a life of destitution, darkened, outlined frame. It's brilliant
as her family and camera work.
siblings have done so well. A man she has The actors are all amazing. All of
her sights on, to help her with this goal, is their Oscar nominations are justified and
Frankie (Clint Eastwood), an aged, head- warranted. Most impressive is Clint
strong fight trainer who runs an old Eastwood as Frankie, his character goes
school boxing gym. through an avalanche of emotion; he gives
Frankie sees Maggie and says 'no', the character compassion despite the cir-
and repeatedly says 'no'. He says 'no' for cumstances His
two directing is also first rate, as he has
reasons. One, she is a girl, and two, at proven before (Mystic River, The Bridges
thirty one she is to old. Frankie links the of Madison County, etc). His works are to
age be admired in the field of film, especial-
factor to that of a ballerina, telling her ly Million Dollar Baby, because he has
that "A ballerina doesn't start training at just created the film of the year, it would
the age of thirty one." Again, Maggie must be a crime if it didn't win best picture.
overcome and persevere, she is deter- Million Dollar Baby rated PG-13 for
mined and resolute in her pursuit. violence, language, disturbing images,
Scrap (Morgan Freeman), a former released by Warner Brothers.
By Vincent Michael Festa
Have you ever wondered if this whole the actual retail price of the item without going How WPIR would play it: renamed the
presidency was just as cheap and gimmicky as a over gets to play a bonus game. Instead, WPIR "Gun Control Bill Game", a contestant for gun
game show? The razzle-dazzle of lights, colors, totally disregards Contestant's Row with con- control writes a bill for background checks of
and constructed sets were not just for the testants personally appointed before the show, weapon holders and waiting periods. George W.
American public but also in a television studio so they get right up and go play the bonus games declares that the bill would be signed "as soon
in the White House? And what if George W. right away! as it reaches his desk" and the contestant would
Bush were to be...a game show host? Look no win. Unfortunately, contestant ends up losing
further than CBS' new prime-time entry right Here are the bonus games played after all.
after the world news: "The Ws Price Is Right"! between the real TPIR and how WPIR would Or, renamed "The Patriot Act", John
"Here it comes! Washington's most play it as follows: Ashcroft drafts the entire 120-plus page act in
exciting hour of fantastic cash front of the natriotic audi-
prizes, and current events! The ence and Bush signs it.
fabulous 60-minute The W's Ashcroft takes home a
Price Is Right!" toaster.
That's right. You lovely
people reading the Press will T P I R :
finally get to know all those elu- "Bullseye": contestant
sive answers to those burning multiplies a selected item
questions, and this new version with its price ("two of the
isn't just for Atlantic City house- Trojan X-Large!") to aim
wives, macho college frat boys, for a certain"bultlseye"
and the Navy Academy, either. price range in this giant
What if you saw how our bulls-eye-like game.
dear and beloved President Bush How WPIR
decide on what countries to take would play it: Donald
over? Ever yearn for an easy-to- Rumsfeld multiplies a
swallow solution for corporate selected item with its
justice? How about if us citizens, price ("100,000 soldiers
soldier boys and girls, and the shipped to Baghdad!") to
working-class take part in the aim for a certain "bulls-
fun by attempting to win govern- eye" price range.
ment money, finding peace, and Or, airplane pilots
earning jobs in an exciting and aim to fire missiles at
flashy setting of lights, jazzy Saddam's palaces and
music and hoonla? "John 0 hideouts.
Republican, come on down!"
So here's a run-down comparison TPIR: "10 Chances": contestant tries TPIR: "Cliff-Hangers": players guess
between what would be played during the real to unscramble a mix of three sets of digits of the correct price of three prizes. Wrong guesses
show "The Price Is Right", and what would go prices for three items in ten chances or less. are subtracted from the real prices and are added
down during a would-be taping of The W's Price How WPIR would play it: Bush's life- onto a mountain-like scale of 25 spaces. A card-
Is Right. long corporate CEO friends unscramble and board mountain climber complete with lederho-
reassemble missing numbers, overlooked fig- sen (!), a pick-axe, and accompanying yodeling
TPIR host: Bob Barker. ures, shredded pieces of paper, and un-recov- music climbs the mountain setting in difference
WPIR host and Commander-in-Chief: ered documents to clear their name in ten of the prices. As long as he doesn't fall to his
President George W. Bush. chances or less. rocky demise, the player wins.
How WPIR would play it: this time, an
TPIR announcer: the late great Rod Roddy TPIR: "Any Number": player uncov- American G.I. complete with top-secret army
WPIR announcer and Vice President: Dick ers digits "0" through "9" to help reveal one of gear (!), a firearm,, and accompanying
Cheney three prizes, ranging from a car, appliance, or Afghanistan rhythms climbs the mountain set-
mere change in a piggy bank. ting in search of Usama bin Laden.
TPIR spokesmodels: silent but sexy females How WPIR would play it: a hard-
that endlessly caress home appliances with a working middle-class citizen uncovers digits TPIR: "Clock Game": contestant
smile. "O" through "9" to help reveal one of three attempts to guess the correct prices of two prizes
WPIR spokesmodels: The Bush twins (Laura prizes, ranging from constitutional freedoms, a in thirty seconds in "higher-lower" fashion.
and Barbara). several-hundred dollar tax break, or minimum How WPIR would play it: grieving
wage. family member of a son or daughter off at war in
The show would open up with George the Middle East attempts to guess the correct
W. making his entrance out of a Secret Service TPIR: "Blank Check": player with a length of time of the return of their loved ones
helicopter outside of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue huge feathered pen writes out an amount on a and the overall end of the warin thirty seconds
and walking into the glitzy and glamorous party huge paper check that adds to the price of the in "higher-lower" fashion. (C'mon, it's way
atmosphere. Now, the original TPIR would have prize to reach a certain price range to win. higher than that.)
a "Contestant's Row" with an item-up-for-bids Losers have their checks voided out with a big
(or IUFB). The contestant that comes close to red "VOID" stamp. TPIR: "Flip Flop": player may or may
Page 32
The "W's" PRICE IS RIGHT! contnued...
By Vincent Michael Festa
not choose to 'flip" or "flop" one or both halves box is empty due to outsourcing and instead
of a price of an item correctly. finds an empty bag of Cheet-O's. TPIR: "Range Game": winners watch
How WPIR would play it: John Kerry a red range climb up the board and with the red
is a contestant for this pricing game. Yep, anoth- TPIR: "Now And Then" out of six button stop where they think the correct price of
er cruel joke by Bush and the Republicans! products in a circle, a contestant chooses one the prize is. Bob Barker, in this game, goes on
and guesses if a product is priced now or years record saying "not to press the button before the
TPIR: "Golden Road": player walks ago. range starts otherwise it won't work and we
through a "golden road" and meets up with each How WPIR would play it: Out of six can't start it again for 37 hours!"
prize, then must guess the right digits that are big oil companies, an SUV-driving soccer mom How WPIR would play it: Bush watch-
used for the later prizes down the road. Player chooses one and guesses if a current oil price es a red range climb up the board and with the
wins a car for filling in the missing digit for the was priced now or weeks ago. red button stop where he thinks the correct dis-
car prize using the previous prize's price (say tance from the poor to the "%1" should be.
that three times fast!). TPIR: "One Away": contestant takes Bush, in this game, goes on record saying "not
How WPIR would play it: Bush five incorrect digits and flips them one digit off to press the button before the range starts other-
annnints nntpntial either wav tn wise it won't work and we can't start it again for
U.S. Supreme Court guess the correct 20 more years!"
judges through an price of a car.
interview process After the changes, TPIR: "Safecrackers": contestant un-
and meets up with contestant asks cracks a safe-load of prizes by dialing in the cor-
each. interviewee, "gentlemen, do I rect "combination" or price to win.
then must guess the have at least one How WPIR would play it: U.S. soldier
right answers that number right?" un-cracks a safe-load of WMD's by dialing in
Bush would most H o w the correct "combination" or price to win.
likely to hear. WPIR would Instead, U.S. soldier finds no WMD's but man-
Judges finally get play. it ages to find Saddam locked in the safe.
their seats when Condoleezza
they correctly Rice, after being TPIR: "Three Strikes": participants
answer what side of questioned at the
pick numbered chips out of a bag to light up and
the presidential coin 9/11 Commission reveal the price of a car. Three "X's" (strikes)
they're on. asks "gentleman,are also thrown in to help hinder the participant.
do I have at least How WPIR would play it: Bush bla-
TPIR one answertantly ignores the set behind him and cleans out
"Grand Game": right?" the bag full of missing, absentee ballots from
contestant chooses Democrat voters for Al Gore from the 2000 U.S.
four products out of TPIR : Presidential Election. And screw strikes! Does
six that have the "Pliiko": hands Bush really teed them?
same price. Correct down TPIR's
answers makes the most famous After the variety of three and six pricing
sign stretch from game. Players games are played, the real TPIR would bring out
$1.00 to $10, then take their chips, the huge, space-age, sparkly thingie called "The
$100, then $1,000, drop them through Big Wheel" and participants aim to spin for as
and finally $10,000. the vertical peg- much change as possible without going over to
How WPTR filled- nlavin win. WPIR's participants instead spin for real
would play it: Bush field, and watch pocket change. Don't forget to spin the wheel all
forgoes the formats and stretches the National the chips fall as they may when they plunk down the way around otherwise it doesn't count and
Deficit from the thousands to the millions, then into any one of nine money slots. you don 't get to spin again. (Wow, that pocket
billions, and finally trillions. How WPIR would play it: hands down change must be very important to the
Washington's most famous game. Bush takes his Whitehouse.)
TPIR: "Hole-In-One" (or "Two"): chips, drop them through the vertical peg-filled And finally, TPIR winners of the wheel
contestant tries to putt the golf ball into the hole playing field, and watch the chips fall as they get to bid in the final "Double Showcase" to
in hopes of winning a big prize and money may when they plunk down into any one of nine win a huge set of prizes including cars, trips, and
bonus. potential countries for take-over. Right now, even more appliances. Not so on WPIR! Instead,
How WPIR would play it: Bush tries to North Korea sounds good...wait a flag-waving hopefuls can win anything from
putt the golf ball into the hole for six months in lands on Iran! American audience applauds! amnesty, deployment, freedom...even a hand-
result of winning election. shake from the President!
TPIR: "Pathfinder": player stands in
TPIR: "? Off': lucky ones through the middle of a playing field of 25 digits, then Now you know. A marriage of hot-but-
process of elimination find $10,000 inside one tries to step on each digit to find the right price ton American issues, hard-line controversy, and
of 16 happy-birthday boxes. of the car. a couple of dishwashers thrown in for good
How WPIR would play it: college How WPIR would play it: Bush stands measure. "All this can be yours, if W's Price is
graduates through process of elimination find in the middle of a playing field of questions and right!"
their jobs and their careers inside one of 16 testimony, then tries to use his dad's pull and But try not to overbid. I hear that's bad.
happy-birthday boxes. Grads discover that the money to find the path to get out of the draft.
Page 33
. . : ..
... .

Overwhelmng An " e
-a1. "

Review -By Andrew Thompson

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Page 34
ACROSS 7. University in Henrietta, NY
1. Capable of walking hither... 8. Along with blood, the price of
and yon coal
8. Derek, Diddley, Hazzard 9. There's no clue for the word
10. Introduces the maiden name "on" that doesn't insult your
11. First name of Burt Reynolds intelligence
ex-wife 12. Brand name stun gun
12. 40 cubic feet, or 1 gigacalo- 15. The bumper stickers claim
ri e she was framed
13. Dino bone swimming pool 16. Where you put your grains
14. Conventional coordinate when they ain't in yer belly
plane 23. When Shakespeare's players
17. John Locke defined it as address the audience in lieu of
"whatever is the object of their fellows
understanding when a man 25. US State with the longest
thinks" name
18. Soccer phenom Freddy 26. French R6gion historically
19. Kathleen Turner's contested with Germany
Warshawski 27. Narrator of Styx's "Domo
20. Last letter of the English Arigato, Mr. Roboto"
alphabet 29. Initials of New York's 5 1s t
21. Glamour Mag governor
22. Sun God 30. Indebted laborer of Spanish
24. And when your album sales America
wasn't doin' too good / who's 31. Arboreal Tolkien imagining
the doc that he told you to go 33. Your mom is a great one of
see? these
26. The last day of Ramadan 35. Recently received unprece-
29. Birthplace of President dented exclusive rights to pro-
Clinton duce NFL video games
32. US State which recently 36. Film critic who wrote a
elected not to send Alan Keyes to movie panned by his peers in
the US Senate 43. Comes in many varieties, 1970
1. This place and the far side of 39. Actor Oliver
34. Notched such as freeze and laser the world
37. 1.2 million member interna- 46. Speck 41. Active ingredient in Ecstasy
2. Ye olde timey honey wine 42. Ye olde timey exclamation of
tional service organization 47. Family of audiovisual com- 3. Condition that doesn't mean
38. First name of Futurama guest pression standards surprise
Jeff Bridges and John Goodman 44. Tool for pokin'
voice who declared, "That does 50. US state which houses the are saps!
not fempute!" Spruce Goose 45. Investigative agency of the
4. South American name for US Congress
39. Will never grow up 51. Makes your shoe fancy proposed hemispheric trade
40. Ticker symbol for 52. Location of 1993 Israeli- 48. Boat or cruiser
agreement 49. Five, in Japanese
Greyhound's corporate parent Palestinian negotiations 5. Mario crony
41. Brand name polyester film 6. It's kickin' in now u!utW9II!M MatJlI/y Ag
Michael Jackn's Super Bowl Party Tips
. . _By James Blonde
Jury selection has started for the high- doesn't look like a horribly botched science THE'EVEDENCE
profile pedophile trial of 80's pop star Michael experiment.
Jackson. Michael's lawyers requested that Police raided Jackson's palatial
The jurors, dubbed THE JACKSON 12, by Michael receive McDonalds Happy Meals with Neverland ranch recently, looking for physical
the media, hold in their hands the power to only Peter Pan toys every day of the week (on evidence linking Michael to his accuser. They
either exonerate a falsely accused innocent the weekends he will resume his regular diet of found porn with the child's fingerprints on it,
man, or incarcerate a sexual predator. dining on the pubies of small boys). pills and a stash of liquor in the two-story bed-
No matter where you stand in your belief None of the jurors will be allowed to per- room of Michael. Sources close to the investiga-
of his innocence or guilt, one can't help but get sonally address Michael or look him directly in tion said, also confiscated were stacks of vanil-
the feeling that this is going to be a long and the eyes, for fear of realizing he's lying. la porn, such as Playboy and Penthouse, and
strange trial. Move over O.J. there's That Michael be allowed to be 20 min- some more hardcore titles like Hustler and
a new trial of the century in town. utes late to court and dance on the roof of his Cheri. Also found, the most damming evidence
SUV after the court proceedings-oh wait, he against Michael, were "erotic material," includ-
THE CHARGES. does that already. ing pictures of nude children.
And finally Michael requested that he In addition to the 17 books, 55 maga-
The 46 year-old eccentric King of Pop is get to personally cross-examine his accuser in zines (Jackson's lawyers say 23 of these maga-
being charged with 10 felony counts of sexual a closed door, special hearing located at child zines are from 1933, and are considered collec-
misconduct involving a 13 year-old cancer actor Frankie Muniz's backyard, with an inflat- tors items), there were four computers seized
patient, stemming from all-boy slumber parties able pool full of Mountain Dew Code Red fla- and 2 DVD's of adult movies found, one alleged-
at Michaels fantasy-like Neverland ranch. vored slurpee. ly involving lesbian sex. In contrast to my own
The accuser, his family and lawyers pornography collection, which is exclusively
contend that Michael plied the boy with alcohol, THE FAMILIES involves lesbian sex.
sleeping pills and pornography. Recently Police speculate these materials, all
leaked court documents describe the victim Members of the famous musical Jackson legal by even the most puritanical standards,
being fondled and masturbated by Whacko family, still reeling from Sister Janet's were all bought by Jackson's staff, family or by
Jacko. wardrobe malfunction last Super Bowl, are one of the numerous hanger-ons, that Michael
If this all sounds familiar, that's expected to come out in full force to support surrounds himself.
because this is, almost verbatim, what Michael their former, child star family member. Most notable of these members of yes-
was accused of over a decade ago in '93, when he Expected to crawl out of the woodwork are all men is what the media is calling "the fat-guy
sidestepped allegations and settled out of court the lesser known Jackson family members, such who holds Michaels umbrella." Evidently if
for a reported 20 million dollars. as Tito Jackson, and married (read; straight) you're as rich as Michael, no one around you,
Since then, Santa Barbara District eldest brother Jackie Jackson for a last ditch will tell you, that your boy-loving is getting out
Attorney Tom Sneddon, has been on Michael's effort to be on television, not involving a VH1 of control, or that your eccentric behavior could
case like stink on the homeless. Evidently DA "Where are they now?" segment. be taken the wrong way by a not too forgiving
Sneddon carries a grudge worse then my ex- public. Or that telling the BBC's Martin Bashir,
wife, and has devoted the last 12 years of his THE SISTER JANETS' NIPPLE .in the 2003 documentary "Living with Michael,"
life to bringing justice to the moon-walking, boy that it was OK for adults to share their beds
touching Jackson. According to Rate The Music, Although with children, or sleep with same sex prepu-
If found guilty, Jackson faces hard Michael was watching his sisters' performance bescent children.
prison time, not being able to buy his way out of on a giant movie screen, he missed it.
"Li " "l • . t ; ,
If I was being paid hundreds of thou-
t 11 . ."" "-1 1

it, with being broke from spending his millions 1 was 1

on lawyers fees and hush money... a movie theatr
On travel for the scores of sickly and Michael, shori
disadvantaged children he carries around with wardrobe malfi
him i(hey, you gotta have your posse).... "(I was
On happy meals and Chucky Cheese for was huge on thi
aforementioned posse (Hey, you gotta eat)... The it. So I heard
rent and service of the fifteen Slurpee machines next day and I - Michael, in what could only be a
he has in his bedroom (hey, what better to wash saw none of it. publicity stunt, showed up at a
down all those Happy Meals?). getting popco California K-mart recently with his
On upkeep on the bones of John Merrick, sleeping pills menagerie of bodyguards, Make-a-
the elephant man (forgot about that one didn't Muniz, who ac Wish cancer patients, and child
you?). the theatre to v actors, including Frankie Muniz.
On high priced zoo attendants and mon- After tl One well-wishing onlooker,
key chow for Bubbles the Chimp (when Michael to the Jacksor holding a sign reading
spanks the's a real monkey. When read comic bo "SMOOTH...BUT NOT A SMOOTH
Michael blows bubbles...he gets fur in his mouth under the blan] CRIMINAL!" shouted a question to
[insert rim shot here]).
On plastic surgery bills to alter his
penis so the victim won't be able to identify it
which is so big
fit twenty or tl
His sisi
Michael as he entered the K-

"Michael, what
in a line up. only thing that brings you to K-mart?"
On rocket fuel for his jetpack, and fake Super Bowl Jackson replied in
alimony for his ex-fake wives. sources close his soft voice "I heard boy's
camp. "He see pants were half off."
THE COURTROOM ed in the Lil
lusty halftime THE FANS
The judge ruled in favor of the media's turing those h(
presence in the court, but told Michael not to
talk to reporters about the case, issuing him a
light catfight
even the cheer]
! The fans are the ones who ultimately
Swill lose out for Michaels' sexual shenani-
gag order. Apparently confused, Michael It was almost gans. True fans that blindly believed Michael
responded in his soft-spoken effeminate voice, didn't even is innocent, will have their bubbles burst if he
"Gag? No I don't gag, their little wee-wees are there was a sp is convicted, and be the butt of jokes for many
too small." event going or years to come. Fans who liked the music but
Michael's lawyers, upon their clients' seemed i didn't agree with the sexual orientation of the
advice, are not only happy that television cam- interested in Sperformer, will lose a musical icon and artist
eras can be admitted, but insisting they're buffet, which who gave us many years of entertainment.
allowed, in an attempt to influence the public. tured kid-ii S No matter which side of the Michael
The Jackson camp also filed these requests with foods SJackson child molestation issue you are on,
the Judge: Lunchables the upcoming trial promises to be one of the
Michael wants cameras that will shoot Polly-o s Smost covered events in recent history.
him in a flattering light and always shoot him cheese."
from his best angle, the one where his nose job

Page 36
Michael Jackson's Super Bowl Party Tips
by James Blonde
Tell the world that "Billy-Jean" was who spent forty days with Michael filming a
written for a young boy. Tell the world how your documentary.
Only an acquittal will change the marriage to Lisa Marie Presley was a hoax. And Other possible witnesses include
publics' opinion and put Michael back on top how you artificially ins perminated your one- Emanuel Lewis, who has stuck with Jackson
[Insert little boy joke here]. time nurse in a secret marriage of convenience since the beginning, who might get on the stand
for the sole purpose of breeding children, and and testify, that is if he can get Michael's penis
THE CONTROVERSY are presently cloning young boys in your secret out of-his mouth for more than three minutes.
science lab in the basement of the Neverland Check local listings for "VHl's Michael
I don't know if a straightforward sex
crime can be connsidered a controversyv
"Controversy" was a hit by Prince
I ·I

Santa B ba County Sheiffs De

Jackson's Secret Childhood," presently playing
on cable, for some disturbing footage of
S9 year-old Emanuel Lewis-yes,
in the eighties. Now there's an eccentric Webster in a little Michael Jackson
musical artist that never got too crazy- outfit, one glove and all, dancing with
all right, he changed his name into a a 26 year-old MJ, in his secret apart-
squiggle for a minute in the nineties, but ment he rented after he bought his
overall he stayed away from touching the parents home, back when he was still
boys. Or if Prince did, he didn't pay mil- cashing those Off The Wallchecks.
lions in hush money to cover it.
The Super Bowl is a special time
The one glove. for the Jackson family. Sister Janet's
Except in Michaels' case, it had Super Bowl halftime-show wardrobe
silver sparkly sequins and rhinestones malfunction of last year is still
on it, and was often used to rub the pee- ingrained in people's memories.
pees of little boys. Not to be topped, Michael's
Hey Michael if you're reading Geraldo Rivera interview, was shown
this, and I'm sure you are, I, James Super DUow iunIay aLter ite game,
Blonde underground cartoonist, have a where he awkwardly stated his inno-
suggestion for you. Don't hide your cence, reading a written statement that
freakishness, run with it, I think the appeared, was written by someone else
average American will buy the "I'm too
_J . " . . . . .. . .. . J _ _ .• .-. . . t . ,. · . . T
and not given to the gloved-one until
weiru, no one unuerstanus me oecause i mere seconds before tie interview.
was a child star" defense. THE WITNESSES The Jacksons and the Super Bowl, every
But you have to step it up a little. year we get to see a boob.
Dress for court like a Boy Scout Master. Reports coming out of the courthouse, And this year's game was played In
Or a Catholic Priest. from secret court papers leaked to the media; Jacksonville, Florida. A coincidence? I think
Have fun, Run with it. claim that former child stars Macaulay Culkin not.
Trade in your gold armband, gilded with and Corey Feldman are slotted as potential wit-
charms, for one with a swastika on it. nesses, as well as BBC journalist Martin Bashir,
Be creative, be honest.

. .a oi.u c,

the isdtntobighsi
in lP~Ii
3 zdfoE
becase an
te binke
beno ortontel
epshe sold
mls ha Page 37
Media Ethics: PhotograF)hy
By Dustin Herlich
For this week, we're going to explore the of a fuzzy issue. There are laws that protect new 1600mm telephoto lens to shoot inside bed-
ethics, rights, responsibilities and legality of children, and anyone hiding in the bushes room windows. That's a great way to land your-
picture taking, particularly in regards to pho- snapping shots of kids is asking for trouble. self in a world of trouble. Again, since laws
tojournalism. The ethics and laws involved with Everyone owns their own image. News organiza- vary regarding images obtained in public, check
photography in general can be a little fuzzy, and tions are allowed to run images and pictures for out a reputable source such as the Student Press
when you throw the press (the general press, not free usually, but commercial photography Law Center ( and see what
necessarily The Stony Brook Press) into the requires a release or compensation for the sub- they have to say. One thing I must also caution
mix, things get even more complicated. ject being photographed. against is pictures that you take of a surveil-
The first tip I can give you is don't ever Re-printing pictures you've obtained lance nature. No Private Investigator's license?
take any pictures. Go find yourself a nice safe from another source, such as pictures of a per- No permission? Do not pass go, go directly to
job writing national briefs for Kidsday. Yeah, son given to you by a family member or a child's jail or be beaten to a pulp. If you're following
that's the answer. class photo, require the permission of the fam- someone around, documenting their actions
ily and or school (in the case of the school class photographically and they are not a person in
picture) to be printed. Parents get testy about the public eye, you'd better believe they have
pictures of their children, and rightly so. the ability to take action against you, from
Laws regarding photography vary from orders of protection to prosecution for harass-
state to state (a good resource on this is ment and stalking. Don't do it. Even people like but, actors and actresses who are in the public eye
really, common sense rules supreme. Most laws have boundaries. Following people around to
just reenforce what you already should know. work, and to the gym and to class are good ways
Some notable exceptions are detailed on the web to land yourself in trouble. If you think some-
site, like buildings built after December 1990. one really merits, being followed, hire a profes-
But, once again, purpose means everything. Are sional or alert law enforcement.
you selling this image, or using it for a news- Photography is a fine hobby, an excel-
worthy purpose? Where was it taken? Whose lent profession and a fantastic form of journal-
equipment did you use? Were you on "company ism. Be safe, be responsible and use your head.
Ok, now that we've gotten that out of the time?" All of these questions need to be taken Maybe above all else, don't forget your creden-
way let's deal with the issue at hand more into account to decide both who owns the image, tials; Your P.I. shield, your SPJ or ACP mem-
directly. So say you're walking down the street, and how the image may be used. bership, etc. Without those, you could land
or for our purposes, the Zebra Path. It's 4:00am, While, legally, in many places you can yourself in a world of hurt if you're taking pic-
and you've walking back from your friend Bill's use a person's image if obtained candidly, I tures of the wrong thing at the wrong time and
awesome hookah party and you see none other would strongly suggest you not use your brand the wrong place.
than Press editorJoe Filippazzo and University I __
Vice President for, Student Affairs Dr. Fred
Preston sharing the blood of a baby while danc-
ing in a circle around a fire fueled by the hopes
and dreams of students. Quickly you pull your
camera out and snap a picture.
When you develop the picture, not only
do you realize that those two were engaged in
the sanguine feast, but there were also a few 4.0.%il§
other people in the picture who you don't know.
You think one of them was the guy from the
counseling center who was arrested for kiddy
AMA*efc V-2a)
S n sag toa
l. .miel
porn, but you're not sure. What do you do about
printing this picture? On one hand, you have
obviously public people, and on the other, you
have private citizens (the random students).
The picture is printable as long as it runs
unedited and in conjunction with proper sup-
porting materials. If it's a factual event, it's
printable as news. Just don't replace Joe's head
with mine, because then you can get in trouble
with libel and slander laws (see my article on
libel and slander from last semester, available
The general rule of thumb with pictures
is, use your head. Taking pictures of a drug
deal might land you in trouble with the dealers,
and you may not live to see your pictures print-
ed. Celebrities have occasionally become vio-
lent with paparazzi, and probably rightly so.
Who or what you are taking pictures of makes a
big difference in terms of legality.
Pictures of roads, bridges, tunnels, etc
are verboten. The best way to get yourself
investigated by an anti-terror organization is to
sit around taking pictures of the Brooklyn
bridge or the inside of the Lincoln tunnel. It's
really too bad that this is the case nowadays,
but it's a reality we have to deal with. You can
get permission to photograph these things, and I
highly recommend you do before taking pic-
tures. There is very little leeway in these mat-
You can snap as many pictures as you'd
like of people out in public places, and don't
need permission from them as long as they don't
see you. If they see you taking pictures, they
can require either compensation or force you to
not print the picture, but if they don't see you,
it's allowed. Pictures of children are a little bit

Shitting in Pul lic
By Matthew Augustine
You know what the worst feeling in the ly only accentuates the predicament, as the guy bunkering' down for the long haul" Damn
entire world is? When you have to take a shit on the other side is probably giggling at my straight I am. So, I'm good to go, I spread my ass
and you're in a public place. Or, anyplace that's lackluster thrust at ingenuity. Never mind when cheeks sufficiently so as not to accidentally
not your home. We've all been there, in the mid- I hear the door, thinking whomever is with me shit myself, ready...and someone walks in. So, I
dle of dinner at some fine dining establishment, has left, just to hear a cough, or the sink run wait. They then proceed to enter the stall next
that familiar gurgle, perhaps slight stomach right after a nice refreshing round, a repeated to me, unzip, pants around the ankles (Yes,
pain, then the feeling of "oh fuck". No one wants plunk, plunk. Sometimes they rain down so hard sometimes I peek underneath) and begin to shit.
to take a crap in a public restroom; so many I feel water on my ass. The horror, seriously. Motherfucker. Now I actually have to wait as
things can go wrong. this dude relieves himself, careful not to make
First, what if there are a lot of people in any noise with my paper (He can't know!) and
there? They will hear, they will smell. desperately force my anus closed listening in
Sometimes, a courtesy flush just isn't enough. jealousy at his willful disobedience of my god-
Some of my shit really, really stinks. Now, I damn natural rights. Between Hobbes, Locke,
don't particularly mind it, as a matter of fact, and Smith I'm sure it's touched upon some-
like a well placed fart I sometimes take a certain where.
pride in the odor. However, there is a sensation This is not even mentioning the devil of
of moral wrong, of (dare I say) crudeness asso- all things excretory, the diarrhea at someone
ciated with doing so in public. They are people else's house. After a biggie-sized double quar-
too after all. ter pounder at good old McDonalds, or having
Second, what if someone hears? The eaten a'pizza (just one more slice). You have to
funny thing about this is I really can't think of go to the bathroom, you're not leaving for anoth-
anything wrong with someone hearing. I've er 2 hours, and it has to be done. You cannot go
walked in to lesser mortals who have no inhibi- to the bathroom across the house, because they
tions about shitting in public, they just let her will know, they will suspect. So, you go to the
rip and I simply think to myself "Well that's one that's right next to the dining room where
that isn't it" (with a certain feeling of envy I everyone is, and you try to be as quiet as possi-
admit). However, I cannot help but get neurotic ble. Maybe you flush once or twice, perhaps you
when I think of someone hearing me. What if make some other feckless attempt to camouflage
they laugh at me? What if they stand on the toi- those wicked, wicked sounds you are unleash-
let in the stall next to me, look over that flimsy ing. You can smell yourself, you think the space
ass wall and point? What protection do those under the door is a bit too big, fear it wafting on
hollow metal structures and their cheap ass over to your peers, fear opening the door and
peeling peach paint afford me? Not enough. The everyone laughing. Yet, when you're done you
fact that they might just shrug it off does not The worst, is when I'm sitting down, have run the water for a minute, maybe wash your
even enter my mind; it's a race against the door. my newspaper stretched out and folded perfect- hands, open the door-wincing of course, to find
When I hear someone come in, I hold it, when I ly (What a pain in the ass the Times is) this of that things are as you left them, no problems.
hear them leave I get as much out as fast as I can. course I never do unless I'm alone. For some That is until your girlfriends mother walks by
If they don't want to leave and I'm desperate, reason the idea of someone knowing I'm reading you with an "Excuse me" and closes the bath-
sometimes I'll just let it go as I flush. This like- while I'm shitting is also unsettling. "Oh, he's
" room door behind her. Game over.

Everybody Need s a Bosom For a Pillow
By Amy Wisnoski
I hate the expression "stressed out." sion rather thah chastise but I just can't do it. cake. Their dreams know no limits and yes,
Thanks to the (inexplicable) popularity of I know that there are plenty of moments while they are young those dreams are ericour-
shows like Friends and the recent uprising of throughout our lives when no other emotion but aged but much sooner than anyone expects their
teenaged aspiring poets hammering out their despondency is appropriate, and I would aspirations are forced to be lowered and quite
latest jam at the local Starbucks, busy schedules encourage the handful of people who thought- frankly, their hearts are broken. And worst of
and pretentious self-importance, I've noticed lessly paint a smile on their face each morning all, we will all, undoubtedly, generate the exact
that in the past few years the popularity of to weigh in on some of the truly disturbing course of action on our own
crediting being "stressed out" for a nasty intol- things going on in the world today and see if children.
erant attitude has increased dramatically. It their grin is still as solid, but I can feel myself So never mind. I guess I understand why
seems as though everyone I know is always slipping into a black hole of melancholy, think- most of us are frowning. But it would be nice if
"stressed out." Whether it is from a busy ing of everything that's wrong and never all the we could get back to smiling, even if only for a
schedule, or a neglectful boyfriend or a really things that are right and I really wish I could while.
stubborn hangnail, everybody has had a really l arn tn o fhntin mr
11 tI

bad day. Everyday. And I am by no means brightly. It's paradoxi-

excusing myself from this lot of indulgent cal though, because the
gloomy brats. I know what it's like to have class pattern that seems to be
all day, work all night and people to interact forming in our lives is
with all night. not one that supports
Except, when I stop and think about what the growth of optimism;
I actually have to do each day I have no choice the more I learn, the
but to recognize the fact that I really don't have sadder I get. And worse
that much on my plate. And you probably don't still, that sadness will
either. It seems as though it's so much more ripen over time and bit-
acceptable to be bummed out for no good reason ter cynicism will
than it is to be artlessly cheerful. Think of the replace earnest concern.
last conversation you had with someone you had Is this what our parents
never met before. Chances are decent that the wanted for us when they
conversation began with a mutual gripe about insisted we further our
something. Not that there isn't a lot to be con- education? Were they
cerned about; AIDS, poverty, the 2004 really just jealous of our
Presidential Election. All I'm suggesting is that unfettered hope and
maybe it would do each one of us a tremendous ambition? Children
amount of good if we could set aside some time never worry about
each day to be unabashedly happy. Even now impending nuclear war,
just reading that sentence over, I realize how or the staggering num-
ridiculous and naive that sentiment is and I'm bers of people without
tempted to delete it and change the tone of this homes or how many car-
article to embrace disparagement and depres- bohydrates are in a rice
Crossword Puzzle! 1. Henry of 70's sitcom
7. Area over which one reigns•l i~
1. "Papa
2. Briefly
rolling stone"

14. Pseudonym 3. "I am crook"

16. Prefix meaning of differnt kinds 4. Action done with yarn
17. Adjective describing Iwoks of 5. Lyric poets, or people who ay the
Vonnegut and Moliere .....: , lyre
10.. _vogue . 6. Greatness ......
21. Resembling a duck 8. Square root of -1, Planck's constant
22. Range of hearing , (as requested by Joe f:the IiPhysics
25. What a messenger will do with a...............................
Studying Editor of the Press)
document 9. Closer
26. Had a meal 10. Stock Market Abbreviation for
28. Dynamite Goodyear Tire company .ii.i...
29. Clinical term for chodes, grundles, 11. What deep and demote •he i com-
taints, geetches/ sandbars, etc. mon ..........
31. Cable rival . 12. Cookie with a cream filling
32. 1996 horror film featuring a cameo 13. Neighborhood in Paris i iwryou'll
by 1 across . find the Moulin Rouge ,ir Amelie
33. Word implying a choicediiii: Poulin
34. Breakfast food chain 15. Word often sung
36. Each, abbr. iiiiii 18. Focal
37. Shinning 19. Cat with spots
41. Warehouse or bus statiioni'' 23. Hail Mary, Span. .l..:..:
43. Highway robber in Spaiiiln 24. Lanka . .........
45. Second Romanov who acquired 26. Sports gear trademark
Ukraine 27. One who secretly went toi Vegas

Word Pentagram! 47. Turn a blind eye

48. Type of camera typically used by
with his love..
30. A very long time

35. Word following chickeinor small

:.. ....

The following words can be found in the word pentagram 49. An agent used to control riioting 38. It's raining cats and _
below. Place the letters of these words into each of the circles so crowds iiiii i 39. Holiday (hotel chain)
51. "What goes around, coimes aound" 40. Having to do with the wind
belief 42. World largest metapho;r ih surik
52. What you will all do eventually in 1912 .iI.
54. Suitable or convnient in 44. Adjective describing oimething
56. Ukrainian skater's first
58. Need in Nice....
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done with the ear
46. Placid
50. "I disgruntled college stuient"
59. Check, with on 51. Cigarette brand
61. la _vita 52. Distributed Student Infomation
62. How the Brits may refer to us System abbr.
63. Talking horse .ir. .
: ......... .......
53. __ vogue (yes, again)
54. What tried and spied have in com-

All puzzles by . ...

•..:... common......
Ann Pashenkov 57. Violent southern sheet-wearing
ignoramuses ::::::i:i:
60. Planet where the Green Lantern
power source is located

8 15 4 1 1 4, 112; 3 25 24

15 11 24 16 24 25 11
3- 25 21 16 3. 19 24, 2 11 19

22 6: 25 13 18 5 6
Welcome to the AlphaPuzzle! Every number below represents a
letter of the alphabet. Use what you know about the English language
2 3 25 4 6 23 1.3 5
to crack the code. To start you off you've been provided with four let-
ters... Good luck!
. 14~
24-- 4 2 17 22
Level of difficulty :
222 13 24 2 4/10, or, if you graduated Middle School you should be able to do this.
24 -- - -

25 24 22 23 24 24 13 2 A B C D E F GH I J K L M
14, 24 13 41 6
23 24 : 7 3 2 24 9 6 6 2 '

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