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Liars have got to be my number one biggest cause of frustration. I am an incredibly patient and understanding
person; it takes a lot to get me mad. However, nothing will tick me off faster than a liar. Especially when I know
you're lying, call you on it, and you still refuse to fess up until I present you with concrete evidence of your lie.
I know there's the saying, "Ignorance is bliss" but when you suspect something is going on it becomes hard to
ignore. Also, I'm a reporter damnit! My suspicion-level is already set to "High".
There's this funny web post I came across a couple years back titled "5 Things You Should Know Before Dating a
Journalist". This is the full list and post:
However, I will highlight the first listing:
We can figure things out. Understand, we’re paid to dig deep, find the secrets and wade through bullshit.
We can pick up on subtleties, so what you think you are hiding from us won’t be hidden for long. Sure, we’ll
act surprised when you eventually tell us you starred in German porn as a freshman in college — but we already
We don’t take shit from anyone, so don’t lie to us or give a load of bullshit. We spend all day separating fact from
fiction, listening to PR cronies and dealing with slimy politicians. If you make us do the same with you, you’re just
gonna piss us off. And don’t think we’ll be quiet about it. We’ll respond with the vengeance of an Op-Ed page
railing against society’s injustices — and we’ll enjoy doing it.
Just tell us the truth. We can handle it.
This is me, and I have never been summed up so perfectly.
Now, let me get to the reason I am writing this post as well as pointing out one of my character attributes.
I am dating a liar.
I've tried to deny it, but I am starting to finally accept that ugly truth.
Let's be honest, sometimes when we first meet someone we are not always entirely up front with the person. We
will embelish truths to make ourselves look better or more desirable. Then, maybe, months down the line we fess
up that our job position as "manager" really just means we are a regular employee who sometimes delegates work
to other employees of the same level, or saying we volunteer at a homeless shelter really means we give old Top
Ramen packages when Thanksgiving comes around.
So the guy I am currently dating initially told me he went to a certain California State University and graduated with
a Business Administration degree.
*** I will stop right here and add - I don't care about whether or not a person has gone to college or if they
graduate. School is not for everyone and I accept that. In fact, I've dated a few guys who didn't graduate and they
are perfectly intelligent in other aspects.***
Okay, back to my story. We've been dating for a few months, and a few weeks back the guy I am dating and his
brother got into a fairly nasty fight. To the point the brother starts telling me things, one of which being, "You don't
I Hate Liars
actually believe he went to *college*, do you?" I blew it off, because, well, the brother was mad and people say
things when they're mad. But then I started thinking...and knowing what I know about the guy I am dating, I
realized there is NO WAY he did four years of college. So I did what any good reporter with a hunch and some info
does, I researched it. It really was a simple matter of calling the college, giving the guy's name and birthdate, and
two hours later I had my answer - the college has no record of this individual ever attending.
My next step - confrontation.
The guy I've been dating has had some truth issues in the past, nothing too major but the history is there, and we
allegedly cleared up everything. So, armed with my new info, one day I ask if he's lied to me about anything, to
which he says, "I think you pretty much know everything." Then I respond with, "What about school?" He says,
"What about school?"
This is where I have a problem. At this point it is obivious that I know something, so why not just fess up there
and say, "Oh yeah, sorry I forgot, I didn't go to college. I made that up, because some girls won't go out with a
guy who doesn't have a college degree." Okay, that may be another lie but at least it's believable.
Back to the confrontation:
I say, "Because I called the *college*."
He says, "No, you didn't."
Me "Yes, I did."
Him, "No, you didn't."
Me "Yes, I did."
When I ask why he lied he goes on to give me an explanation that he tells everybody when he first meets them that
he has gone to school, and it's become habit. Okay, fine, but why not just say that right off the bat?!
This is where trust has been basically shattered, because unless I've caught him red-handed in the lie he is not
going to admit to it. Now, the logical part of my brain is saying "Just walk away it's not worth your time". However,
there is another part that's questioning if I'm making too big a deal about this.
So to vent my frustration, I am writing and debating what I should do next. I've spoken to friends about this
incident and they are 50-50 in their advice of "that's bad" and "it's bad, but it's not that big a deal."
While I am still pondering what I am going to do next I am putting this out there to anyone who knows me, or will
know me in the future:
Just tell me the truth. I can handle it.
Posted 18th August 2012 by LunaNoDa
TBenz October 2, 2012 at 9:52 AM
I'm not sure where you're at with this so I'm not going to comment, but I would like to say I enjoy you're writing
very much and would love to read a new post when you have a chance
LunaNoDa October 10, 2012 at 6:50 PM
Theresa Campagna October 8, 2012 at 9:33 PM
Hi Sabrina. I'm glad I found your blog because recently I was dating a journalist, a really sweet guy actually and I
blew it. I was the one who lied however but came clean before he had a chance (at least I think), to confront
me about it. I lied about personal issues, dark secrets such as my disability to name one, and my depression to
name the other.
So in essence I lied to protect myself because for whatever reason I thought it was best because I'd been hurt
by disclosing this information too soon. He said he had no issue with these but the lying so he dumped me and
said there's no way to get back the trust. Friends are telling me to forget him. A few said to give him time to
process things. After seeing your post, I really believe that now that journalists do hate liars more than the
averageone person...and for good reason especially since you deal with them all day. So my question to you is,
how did you learn how to trust your boyfriend after you caught him in a lie? What did he do? I blew it with a
great guy and I want him back.
Theresa Campagna October 8, 2012 at 9:54 PM
After I sent him a "I'm sorry" gift and wrote a quick note explaining that if I didn't trust him he has every reason
to not trust me, I thought about even sending him my passwords so I'd literally have put my trust completely into
him not sabotaging my accounts. I know you're not an advice columnist. And I feel strange for writing a
complete stranger, but I figured it cannot hurt.
LunaNoDa October 10, 2012 at 6:47 PM
First, thanks for reaching out. To be honest, I write this blog because it's cathartic, but it's me
venting and ranting so don't think people actually read it.
Second, I will say your assessment of journalists having issues with liars more than the average
person is completely accurate. Though, unless you gave him a reason to dig he probably didn't know
that you lied...like I wrote in my post, it wasn't until his brother said something that my gears started
Third, and the real reason you wrote, how did I learn to trust him again? Honestly, I haven't fully. I still
(internally) question what he says and does (see my "Letter to an Ex-Girlfriend" post). In the past I
normally would have walked away after he blatantly lied about college, but I'm older now and am
limited on dating options so I'm trying to make it work.
Enter your comment...
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However, if it were me you had lied to...considering what the lies were and the reason you hid it - I
would have understood, and given you another chance. But that's me - I'm an understanding
person and recognize that it is literally impossible for a person to be honest 100% of the time. Given
what you were hiding, it makes sense that you did, and as long as there's a logical reason for hiding
it (like you were embarrassed about sharing it or that it's ruined relationships in the past by revealing
it too soon) I would have forgiven you.
I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear, but there wasn't anything my boyfriend did that
made me forgive him and stay with him.
From the sound of it the guy you're dating has bigger trust issues than most (including journalists),
and it seems like it's a problem with him - not you. Everyone has secrets and things they're afraid to
share, and if this guy doesn't understand nor accept that by this time in his life, then he's got
You wrote in your note "If I didn't trust him he has every reason to not trust me" the thing is you did
trust him with your secret because you told him, he didn't have to confront you.
So please don't beat yourself up - and know we don't have to spill the entire contents of our life and
past to someone we just me, because the person hasn't earned that yet.
You deserve better, and while the guy may have been great in some aspects he clearly was lacking
in others. You deserve someone who understands you (and your thought process) and accepts you
completely for who you are.
I hope that helps somewhat.
Theresa Campagna October 16, 2012 at 3:55 PM
It does, thank you.
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