The longing for Edward Cullen | Twilight (Novel Series)

1.

The longing
“Never knew I could feel like this Like I've never seen the sky before Want to vanish inside your kiss Every day I love you more and more”

It’s not just lust. No. It’s longing. Even though I never tried it before, I have never wanted anything more in my life than this. And lying here beside him, the longing in me exploded. He was just so beautiful. I could look at him for days and still never understand how anyone in this world could be so perfect. His gorgeous, perfect, pale skin made his deep bronze topaz eyes so easy to get lost in. I often caught myself stopped breathing when I looked into his eyes. And I just can’t help myself from stirring at him! I always feel an extreme need to touch him, to reassure myself that he really is real. And when I touch him, sometimes that not even enough. It’s really hard to understand why this top model has chosen to lay her beside me… Everything about him is just so breathtaking. It’s almost unbearable. Even though he is hard as a rock, it just feels like I’m melting into his skin when I touch him. And his cold skin always makes me shiver. But it’s not the cold that makes me shiver. It’s just that feeling of touching Edward, being physically close to Edward… It’s like fire inside me! But it doesn’t burn in a bad way; my body feels all warm in a very comfortable way. But when you look behind the comfortable feeling, the longing for him to be closer is always there. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the feeling I get when I touch him. Never. Hmm, if I should explain my life in the last two years with a few sentences it would probably sound something like this: “Hi I’m Bella Swan, just an ordinary girl expect for my two left-foods and general clumsiness. Oh, yea then two years ago I ran into this guy, who by the way is beyond stunning, and I totally fell in love with him. And by some miracle I still don’t understand, he fell in love with me as well. The last two years with Edward Cullen has been the best in my 18 year old human life. There is one thing about Edward… He is a vampire. Oh, so now you probably think “Now that must mean trouble”, and yes

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you’re right! During the last two years I been in several near-death experiences, which including being chased by a masochistic vampire who really just wanted to track me down, a revenge-filled woman vampire who later on the created a whole vampire army to chase and hunt me down. And if that isn’t enough I have the strongest and most powerful vampire family, the Volturi, waiting for a reason to kill me… So yea. I guessed I should be scared to death by now.” Well, I’m actually not. It’s just impossible to be scared to death when you’re lying next to Edward. Well, I guess lying next to Edward makes it impossible to think about anything else than his perfectness and the constant desire I feel towards him. So, yea, the feelings that are humming inside me at the moment just doesn’t allow any space for fear. “Bella, beautiful sweet Bella… As much as I love staring into your deep brown eyes, it’s killing me not to know what you’re thinking. And you have been so quiet all night; it’s so frustrating so please let me into your mind sweetheart…” Edward said, and off course he could easily see that I had something on my mind that I didn’t tell him. Luckily he cannot read my mind, like he can with everyone else and thank god for that! The thought of Edward reading my mind at this moment made me blush and look down. I couldn’t tell him what I was thinking! I guess I didn’t want to sound… Desperate? And who was I kidding. I was desperate! More desperate than I had ever been before. And for that I was embarrassed. Embarrassed that I was longing so hopelessly for Edward’s touch. I was hungering for his sweet breath close to mine, to feel his smooth, cold fingers against my skin, for his lips to come closer. But Edward wasn’t that kind of guy. Any other guy wouldn’t waste any minute with a lustful girl beside them, who just wanted to get wild, be physical and lose control with her boyfriend! For that was indeed the biggest desire and longing in my life at the moment. But Edward made very strict rules about the topic. And he wasn’t going to give in. He wouldn’t lose control with me because he was afraid that he might hurt me. So silly! How mange nights I have been dreaming about it. About him. Dreaming about laying only in underwear with Edward lying beside me, caressing my body, kissing me

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from the neck to the collarbone and further down... The thought just made me blush even more. “Bella!” Edward cried “Tell me what’s on your mind; I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable”. Psst, how could he even think it? Like it was possible for me to feel uncomfortable with him lying here next to me. And then, I felt his cold hand as he lifted my chin. I shivered. “Please, love?” he whispered with the most melting expression in his eyes, while he breathed his sweet breath in my face and dazzled me completely. Like I was able to tell him anything when he did that to me! I had to blink a couple of times to bring myself back to present. “Edward...” I stopped. How could I ever tell him this! I knew he would immediately say no, and I would feel rejected and hurt. But the thing about Edward is that he always wanted to give me things and presents. I know that whatever material thing I would wish for, he would give it to me the exact moment I asked for it. The only problem is that I’m really not the material kind of girl. However, now there is one thing I want. No, not just something I want, it’s one thing I need. Edward. I need to be physical with Edward. The only thing he will never give me is the one thing I crave for. “Edward, I… I….” Oh, god I can’t tell him this! Ugh, I just have to give it a try. “I have been thinking about something and…” I blushed again. “Love, don’t be afraid or embarrassed, you can tell me anything. You don’t have to keep secrets from me” he said and leaned forward and kissed my nose. And only that little physical contact had made my heart sound like I’d been running 10 kilometers non-stop. Off course Edward heard my heart changed. And I know that he loved how such small things as a kiss on the nose, could light a fire inside my body, which because of my easily blushing and uncontrollable heartbeat was impossible for me to hide.

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“Well...” I continued “You know how you’ll always talk about buying me a new car or take me to some fancy restaurant and stuff like that?” I said, smiling a little while looking down, holding one of his perfect hands in mine. Well sure I was using dirty tricks by appealing to his desire to pamper me and buy me new stuff, but I really would do anything to make this happen and maybe a mixture of compromise and pleading would give Edward second thoughts. Huh, well I guess I can only hope. So I slowly raised my head to read Edward’s expression, which really wasn’t hard at all. He almost got Christmas-candles in his eyes by the thought of buying me presents or spending money on me in general and then he answered: “Yes love, and you finally see a reason to change that silly, slow truck of yours for something much more Bella-standard?” I wrinkled my forehead as I spoke “Edward, I keep telling you not to dizz the truck, its running fine and that was not what I meant!” I tried to look mad, which really wasn’t easy when you’re only a few inches from the persons who give your whole existence meaning. Edward just chuckled at my attempt and leaned closer to me, his lips heading for mine. My heart started running like crazy and I tried to calm down. My body shouldn’t really react this way every time he came close to me, but I seriously couldn’t help it. And then when his perfect cold lips finally touched mine, my exaggerated breathing stopped altogether… Then after a few seconds of “non-breathing-just-enjoying-kissingthe-most-wonderful-person-in-the-world” moment, Edward pulled a few inches away from my lips allowing be to breathe while he whispered and almost growled a little: “Mmmmhm Bella, you’re so sexy when you are trying to play angry” and then he gave me the most dazzling crooked smile and before I even time to pull myself together, he leaned forward and kissed me again and now even more passionate than before. I took all of my small, silly, human self-control to not just jump on him and rip his shirt off! It was almost torture when he pulled away and ended the kiss. I’m really just human after all. How am I supposed to resist such a godlike temptation as Edward?

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I have to tell him what I’m longing for, and then deal with whatever reaction there would come from Edward afterwards. After a few minutes my breathing started slowing and I began talking again: “Edward, if you want me to tell you what I’m thinking you really need to stop distracting me like that” which only resulted in Edward pulling his whole body away from me, moving over to the other side of the bed. That was definitely not was not what I meant by “distracting me”, and he knew that. “No!” I cried and tucked myself closer to him “I never asked you to move away from me, you just have to decide if you want us to kiss all night long, which I certainly wont protest against, or you can let me sit here and tell you what my mind has been wandering about most of the evening. But there is no way I can keep up a serious conversation with a galloping hard and a blushing head, looking like a freaking tomato. Personally I wouldn’t mind the” kissing all night” option” I said, looking up at him as I made my eyelashes look long and leaned closer to him as I reached for his cold perfect lips with my mouth. I tried to make the kiss last longer by clinging one of my hands into his hair and the other one to his back, but way to soon he took both of his hand on either side of my head and then slowly and gently pulled me away. Wow, I was really surprised with myself. I have never really been confident, seductive, sexy Bella. I surprised him too; I could see it in his incredible topaz eyes. “Silly, sexy Bella” Edward laughed, and I laughed too because I had just been thinking about myself as sexy Bella, which wasn’t a characteristic I often would give myself. “You really should give me some offers which are easy to choose between. Either way I’ve been dying to hear what you’ve been thinking about all evening and that’s an opportunity I just can’t refuse. And about the kissing…” he said and winked to me, which was so unlike Edward, “there is no way that my self-control would last more than a minute with you being in the mood that you are at the moment, and I don’t mean it as a bad thing, I’m just being realistic love” he said, smiling at me. Okay, so there is no turning back now. I took his hand in mine again as I began to spoke, my voice suddenly trembling a little: “Okay Edward, so here’s the deal. First of all, I want you to let me finish before you come with any objections or anything else” I said as I traced one of my fingers upside 5

down his arm. Edward just looked at me and he really couldn’t hide the curiosity in his eyes, so he just nodded and encouraged me to continue, so I looked down at his arm as I spoke again: “Well, as I tried to say earlier on, before you distracted me, there actually is one thing here in the world that I’m desperately longing for, and it’s a thing that only you can give me. Well, okay it’s not really a thing, it’s more like a human experience. And as you know I’m planning on soon enough to become a vampire, and spend eternity with you, but before that happen, there is one thing I would like for you to give me. Well, maybe it’s more an experience you can give us both” I stopped, looking up at Edward. He should have realized by now where I was getting at, but looking into his eyes, there was nothing but curiosity to be found. I took a deep breath and instead of looking down again, I continued looking him deep in his eyes as I said: “Edward, I want you. I want you in every way I can possibly have you”. With that being said, as I feared the worse coming from Edward, all his reaction really did was surprise me. He just smiled and pulled me closer into his cold and hard, but yet still very comforting and perfect chest. “Silly Bella. YOU already have me in ANY possible way you can. I’m ALL yours, love. How can you even question that?” He said. Gaaah, he hasn’t really understood the meaning behind my words “in every way I can possibly have you”. So I had to make myself very clear. Great. “Edward, that was not what I meant, even thoug it makes me very happy to hear. But if you think about it, I actually don’t have you in every possibly way that I want to have you…” This made Edward raise an eyebrow. Maybe he finally understood what it was that I was asking from him. So before he started to argue against it, I quickly continued: “There is one human experience I really, really want to have before I’m turning into a vampire. I want to...” I took a deep breath “to sleep with you, to become one with you Edward. That is my biggest wish. That’s what I’ve been thinking about all evening, that’s the one thing I want you to give me” I stopped. I had made my point clear.

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I prepared for the rejection, for Edward to start arguing, telling me I’m insane and that it was totally out of question. But he said nothing. It suddenly felt very quiet in my room. Too quiet. Edward was as motionless as stone. Then out of the blue, something snapped inside Edward’s head, because in a movement to fast for humans to see and react to, Edward had pushed me away from his lap, and he was now standing in the middle of my room. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I was afraid what I might find in them. But that didn’t mean I was going to give up, and if he wasn’t planning on saying anything, then I would be the one to break the silence. “Edward, please consider it. I know that you don’t believe you have the self-control to go through with it, but that’s just nonsense. I don’t believe that you would or could ever hurt me, it that was the case you would have done it by now! I want to do this with you, I’ve never done it with anyone before so I really don’t have any experience on the subject, but I just know that I’m ready now, and I’m ready to move into third base with you, and yea, that did sound kind of phony but I know what I want Edward. And please say something, so that I can stop babbling!” I then realized my heart was pounding very fast and my chins very more red than ever. I then lay my arms around me knees as I sat in the bed, waiting for Edward’s response. More minutes passed, and still nothing. Then a new feeling overwhelmed me. The feeling of rejection. And it overwhelmed me with more force than I ever would have thought possible, because I already knew that there was a big chance that Edward wouldn’t be too exited about fulfilling my wish. But still, sitting there and letting all my guards down, telling Edward my biggest wish and need, and not getting any response at all but the feeling of rejection, I couldn’t hold the tears back. I laid my head down on my knees as I cried silently. “Stupid Bella” I thought. “You shouldn’t have told him anything, now he probably won’t ever touch you again because he fears you might jump right at him” God, I hate being human, following my instincts.

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But what only felt like a minute later, I felt Edward stroking my hair, and in less than a second I found myself at Edward’s lap, cuddling into his chest. I felt his sweet breath in my face, as he used his thumb to remove the tears from under my eyes. “Bella, please don’t cry. That wasn’t my intention at all. I just didn’t know what to say. Please don’t cry love, I can’t stand to see you cry” he said as he stroked my back. “Your request… Well I guess I could call it that, well it just made me so frustrated that I really I didn’t know what to say, so that you wouldn’t be hurt and misunderstand it”. I looked up at his beautiful face, and I knew I couldn’t blame him that he wasn’t feeling the same feelings as me, plain, ordinary, human Bella. “Edward” I said, “I understand why you don’t feel the same need for me as I do for you. I’m only human after all. And everything inside me is craving for you; I just can’t seem to get enough. I’m sorry I began to cry, I just felt so rejected in the moment. Please forgive me for that. I’m just so attracted to you that I can’t seem to control my emotions sometimes. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have expected you to feel the same way as I do, because, yea, as I said I’m only human and…” My sentence came to an immediately stop because in that exact moment I felt Edward’s lips on mine, his sweet breathe in between my lips, and they allowed me to say no more. I let my tongue touch his under lip, and I really couldn’t help it, Edward’s taste was the sweetest thing I ever had my tongue on! When he pulled away from me my lips where all swollen and well, I kind of forgot what I was saying before the kiss. And that I guessed that was what Edward wanted to be the consequence of the kiss because then he began talking: “Bella, love. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain my frustration; you just made your own conclusions. I’m frustrated because I have been wanted so badly to be able to give you something that really would make you over-the-top happy. But not my new-car, new dress or fancy restaurant offers had been anything for you to hold interest in. And now, when you finally want something from me, more than anything else, is has to be the one thing I find the hardest to go through with” I was about to protest again, but he just held a finger in front of my mouth and I let him continue: 8

“I don’t think you even understand how much I’ve been longing for you, in some of the same ways that you have for me. First I didn’t understand the feeling inside my body. It just feels like I never can be too close to you.” As he said this, I felt him cuddle me even closer to him, and I was happy to follow his plan. “And the idea of me satisfying you… Oh, Bella it’s the most tempting thing I’d ever felt! Believe me when I say that I’m more than attracted to you. I just can’t seem to get enough of you either. You are the center of my universe Isabella Swan. So please accept that, and stop thinking stupid things about me not craving for you!” He stopped, and then kissed my forehead, and I knew that he could feel my body being more relaxed. He then continued: “But that really doesn’t change anything. I am more than pleased with that you trust me to never hurt you, because that is a promise I made and I will always keep that promise. But if I lose control with you, if I agreed to go to third base with you, as you termed it, I could not trust myself to keep that promise Bella. When a Vampire “lose control”, you are totally giving in to your senses. And if I’m not able to combine my senses with my mind and my logical reasoning, then there could be a chance that I could hurt you. What if what I meant to be a gentle stroke on your arm would end up breaking it?” Edward shook his head, and I could see he got an image in his head which truly pained him. “I can never take such chances with you love. And for that I am truly sorry, because all I’ve ever wanted was to give you everything you asked for.” Okay, so his words really did paralyze me for a minute or two. And the minutes of silence seemed to made Edward think that the discussion was closed, and now we could talk about something else because then he just said: “So, what are we going to do this weekend?” while he smiled his beautiful crooked smile at me. Okay, so I would have to try one last thing before I would give up this discussion. So I moved my head away from his chest, and placed my body in front of him, my head just few inches from his and looked him deep in the eyes while I spoke:

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“Edward, please. I’m beggin’ you, please consider it. I… I really, really want us to just try” He interrupted me, trying to stop me from begging, but I couldn’t help it and my uncontrollable human emotions made my eyes tear-filled, so I looked down. “Please Edward, let us try, if I feel uncomfortable I promise to tell you, I promise that we will stop immediately, but please let us give it a try first. It would just make me so happy…” I stopped, I didn’t know what else to say. And yet again, I waited for the rejection, for Edwards final “No, Bella” but it never came. Instead Edward lifted my chin, and looked me straight into the eyes, his expression almost pain filled, as he spoke with soreness in his voice: “Bella, i… I don’t… Bella” It was so unlike Edward so sound nervous when he spoke, usually he always were in perfect control of all situations “I can’t stand listening to you begging. It hurts so badly. I want to make you happy, more than everything else in this world. I… I promise you that I will think about it. I need to talk to Jasper and Emmett about it. I’m just as inexperienced as you are on this subject. I want to make it right, I want it to be perfect” It almost sounded like he was talking with himself now “I could never hurt you. Never. I… Well, can you please give some time to think about it, to figure out how it could work?” He said, as he stroked my cheek. Oh, this was so unexpected. Had Edward just said yes? Oh okay, I hadn’t heard him say yes, but he promised to think about it, to figure out if it would work . I had no idea my pleading and begging would work this way on him. Well, the game isn’t over yet. Okay, game might be the wrong word, but I couldn’t help feeling like being on the high horse! So I was not getting my wish fulfilled tonight, but I was determined that with a little (Okay, maybe a lot) persuasion I would get what I wanted from Edward. I gave him a quick kiss on the neck before lying down in my bed, my head on his chest as I whispered: “Okay, I guess I can spare you a little time if that’s what you need” and I couldn’t help having a smile on my face as I slowly drifted into sleep.

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2. Persuasion
“Your arms are lovely. Yellow and rose Your back`s a meadow. Covered in snow Your thighs are thistles and hot-house grapes You breathe your sweet breath. And have me wait”

So two weeks went by, still no news from Edward about my wish. And my 20-year-old birthday is just creeping closer and closer every day, and I’ve already decided that I would be transformed into a vampire before I’m leaving my teenage-years. Yea, if Edward was staying in his teens forever, well then the same goes for me! Unfortunately, talking about my “farewell to humanity and hello to immorality” was not on Edwards’s top-10 list over subjects he loves to discuss. And neither was my wish to have sex with him. But believe me when I say, that really doesn’t stop me from brining the subject up whenever I get a possibility to do it. But Edward always found new ways to distract me. And in the last two weeks we spend more time down in the living room with Charlie than we ever had before. Well, surely I could deal with the whole “I-don’t-want-you-to-become-a-monster-andlose-your-soul” that Edward was complaining about, because that was now out of his hands. Carlisle already agreed to do the transformation if Edward wouldn’t. But it still bugged me that we couldn’t even talk about it, because reality is that I’m becoming a vampire, and Edward might as well get used to the thought. But like I said, the “we-don’t-talk-about-Bella-becoming-a-vampire” I could deal with, because 11

when the transformation was done, Edward would have forever getting used to the thought of me as a vampire. But the other issue, well, the sex issue, we really didn’t have eternity to figure that one out, and I was SO tired of all the excuses and distractions Edward pulled on me. Did he really think that I was that stupid? I could see right through him. So one night I decided it was time to invite sexy Bella out of the closet again. We were lying in my bed. I was wrapped up in a blanket, Edward lying next to me shirtless. He sounded really relaxed while he was humming my lullaby. I guess he was glad that I had not brought up the “let’s-get-it-on” issue tonight. But that was only because I couldn’t really think about anything else than the “God of beauty” lying half-naked next to me. It was the most breathtaking sight ever seeing Edward shirtless. That’s another thing about him I don’t think I’ll ever get used to looking at. His bare chest was unbelievably perfect. Very muscular, but not in an extreme way, no it was just right, just perfect. Seeing his stunning body, smelling his sweet, delicious scent and hearing his soft, velvet voice humming by lullaby, well the lust building up inside me was just unavoidable. I let my fingertips trace his collarbone and afterwards letting them explore his entire godlike chest. Edward let out a sigh, but luckily I could tell that the sigh indicated that he enjoyed me caressing him, and he didn’t stop me. So I would start by being a good girl, not doing anything that might upset him or put an end to our cuddling. But “being-the-good-girl” was definitely not my plan for the rest of the night. I let my fingers trace up his jaw line to his hair, and then I began tousle in it. He let out a silent growl. That seriously turned me on. Why did he have to be so stubborn, I could see that he really enjoyed this, enjoyed us being physical.

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A little more touching wouldn’t do any harm. Hmphf. While I grumbled with my own thoughts, I continued tousling his hair. But then I felt an extreme urge to do something more, take it to the next level. To push my luck. So I gently pulled my hand out of his hair, and then positioned like I was about go to sleep. So I just lay all still, thinking about my next move. I would have to be fast, or else Edward would stop me on the halfway. So I would have to do something really unexpected. By the thought of the things I could do to him my heart began beating insanely fast. Grrr, why did my heart always have to give my intensions away? I knew Edward heard my heartbeat changed, so before he could react to it, well before he really could react to anything at all, in one quick move I swung myself on top of him, sitting on his lap, while he was still lying down. Oh, he really didn’t see that one coming. And trust me; it takes a lot to surprise a vampire. “Bella, what are you doing…” He began, but before he could finish his sentence, I reached out and placed my fingers on his lips. Dead silence passed between us as we looked into each other's eyes. I let my fingers slightly trace over his lips. I looked into his eyes for what seemed like an eternity. He didn't stop me. I slowly leaned forward and gently kissed his lips so softly. Then I pulled back slightly, hoping and waiting for any encouragement from Edward. Surprisingly, he then placed his hands on my face and I more than willingly lowered my body on his, until I could feel every inch of his chest at mine. He then leaned in for a deeper kiss and so did I. I felt his lips part and touch mine. His tongue gently probed my mouth for entrance. I parted my lips and allowed his tongue entry. Our kiss was so soft and pure, like nothing I had ever experienced with Edward before.

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Unable to stop it, I let out a silent moan. The kiss became deeper and more intense. I let my fingers run through Edward’s hair as he held me close. I pulled my lips away; I needed to get some air, to breathe. Then I looked at him, looked him in the eyes again, and saw such a look of love and passion in his eyes that it took my breath away yet again. I had never seen him this way before. Our lips then forced their way back to each other, with more intensity becoming deeper and rapid as our hands roamed each other's bodies pulling each other closer if that was even possible. I had definitely woken up the monster inside of him, only this wasn’t the monster who was craving for my blood. This was the monster inside Edward who was craving for my body, as much as I craved for his. I felt the triumph rushing through my body as I realized this battle was going to be a lot easier to win than I first feared! If this was all it took to talk him into having sex with me, I had surely wasted my time the last two weeks. So this new feeling of victory made me wanting to push the boundaries even further, along with Edward’s strict rules. As our bodies felt like they have totally melted together, I gave my best trying to take my top of, which really wasn’t easy with Edward’s stone arms, holding me as close as my fragile human body allowed him. But I kept on trying and eventually I got a good grip on the top and I had almost slipped it up, when I felt Edward’s body stiffened below me. “No no no no no” my mind began telling me. This was definitely one of signs when Edward thought we crossed a line, and the fun was soon to be over “No no no, react Bella, do something” my mind kept telling me. But I knew that there was nothing left to do. Edward gently put my top back in its place, and then pulled me down on the bed. I shouldn’t be surprise that Edward stopped. We already broke almost every rule that he had made about our physical relationship. But I didn’t feel sorry. No. I never felt this alive before! My heart almost ripped out of my chest with its beating speed. My head again looked like one big red tomato, my lips were swollen to double size and my hair was a total 14

mess. I turned my head over to look at Edward, and was surprised to see that Edward looked just as blown away as I felt. Off course he didn’t look like a mess at all, but he had a really hard time slowing down his rapid breathing as well as I did, and I could see that he clenched his fist into the sheets. I wanted to say something. But it was nearly impossible with my heart beating at double speed. Eventually I managed to whisperer with a trembling voice: “E-e-e-dward, that w-a-as… T-h-h-at was… Wauw”. I didn’t know what else to say. Edward then turned his head over to look me in the eyes. It really suited him to be out of his perfect self-control. His hair was also a bit messy from all my grabbing. “I’m so sorry Bella; I shouldn’t have let it get that far, but you… Well you took me by surprise and I guess there was a lack in my self-control because I really couldn’t find the strength to stop you, to push you away and I for that I am truly sorry…” I stopped him, what was he babbling about! “Edward that was the best minutes of my life, don’t ruin it! Because I’m not sorry. I never felt more alive before so just stop regretting it, please!” I touched his cheek as I leaned in for another kiss, only this kiss was very innocent and sweet. I pulled away, smiling at him, hoping that I was convincing enough. “I love you” I said “And I’m very proud of your self-control, I think you did a perfect job. Practice makes perfect, right?” I winked at him. “Bella, you should go to sleep now. It’s been a long night.” Edward responded. Oh, come on, why did he had to be so serious. He smiled a little at my obvious irritation with him and then leaned forward placing a soft kiss on my forehead “Sleep now, beautiful” and then he began humming my lullaby. Slowly I let my body relax and I gave in to his beautiful voice as I drifted to sleep. I woke up the next day, feeling great. I stretched my body, my hand searching for Edward and I totally relaxed as my hand felt the cold from his marble hand.

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I peeked out in my room to catch a glimpse of Edward, but it was much lighter in my room than I expected, so I closed my eyes again. I coddled myself closer to him as I asked: “What time is it?” “Its one pm love” he answered. One pm? Wow I really must have needed the sleep then. How did I get this tired? I felt so rested now. I took another sneak peek my out into the room. I needed to see the beautiful boy lying next to me. Ah, the first thing I saw was Edward looking down at me. Off course, his perfectness stunned me as always. But there was something about his eyes. They weren’t my favorite topaz color, no, they were actually almost black. God, how long had I kept him from hunting? He was always so good to remember my human needs; I need to learn to pay more attention to his needs vampire needs as well. Luckily, soon enough we would be equal on that part. I smiled at the thought. But then I tried to look serious and asked him: “Edward, when was the last time you were out hunting? You’re eyes are kind of giving you away”. He chuckled. “My Bella, always so observant.” Obliviously I wasn’t observant enough, because then I would have told him to go hunting earlier. “Well, it’s a week or two. But it really doesn’t matter that much, the painful thoughts of being away from you kind of makes me forget the thirst” he said. The thought of him being away from me wasn’t tempting. But he needed to go hunting, he shouldn’t make things harder for himself, I know it’s not easy for him to be around me even when his not thirsty, but when he is thirsty it’s painful for him. “Edward, I demand that you go hunting with your brothers today. I don’t like that I’m keeping you from hunting and I know that it’s hard for you being around me when you’re thirsty.” It made me sad than I hadn’t noticed it earlier. Edward saw it in my face immediately. He took his hand and gently brushed my cheek “Don’t be sad dear, it’s really not your fault that you are unbearably hard to be away from, even if it’s only for a day.” 16

I tried to smile at him, but failed. I hate that my scent caused him that much pain. “Enough about my hunting. I’m dying to know what you have been dreaming about most of the night. You were making some quite…” He smiled my favorite crooked smile at me as he continued “interesting noises.” Oh, I really didn’t think that I dreamt last night. My body felt as if I had a very peaceful, dreamless sleep. No, wait. I do remember something. I dreamt about Edward and I dreamt about… Oh my god, I looked away from him, completely blushing. I did dream last night. I dreamt that Edward and I… Well, let’s just say we crossed a lot more of Edward’s rules than me and Edward did yesterday. And I guess I didn’t just dream about the noises our actions made me say. I had actually moaned in my sleep. I was too embarrassed to even look at Edward again. I heard him chuckle to himself. I guess he could kind of guess what my dream was about then. As the pictures of my dream last night floated along inside my head, it made me think about the things Edward and I actually did do last night, and somehow my deep craving for him began running through my body again. We did so well last night, we definitely should give it another go. But deep inside me I knew that my tricks from yesterday wouldn’t work on him now. He would be prepared and he would instantly know my intensions. I needed to try something new to persuade him into believing that he has enough control to sleep with me. And help wake up the craving he had for my body to be close to his as he had shown me yesterday. Hmm maybe…then I got an idea. I didn’t know if it would affect him, but it always helped in movies so I might as well give it a try. And I really didn’t feel like talking about my dream last night either so I quickly said: “Well, I had a very pleasant dream and let’s not talk about it anymore. I can’t help were my mind is taking me when I’m asleep. But back to the hunting. You really should go hunting today. I would love to spend some quality time with Alice; I haven’t

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seen her in days. I miss her. And by now she’s probably already seeing me coming over for a visit, so if I canceled now she would just be upset.” I really hoped Edward wasn’t about to be stubborn. But he just smiled down at me, pulling onto his lap. Then he kissed my quickly on the mouth. Well too quickly. But I was too busy inhaling his delicious scent, that I didn’t even have time trying to me the kiss last longer. “Im sure Alice would love that, I know she misses you too. And it would be a lot easier leaving you back home with Alice. Then I can be sure you won’t go playing with werewolves” The thought of Jacob sent a twinge of pain through my body. He was still missing. He had run away. Away from me and all the pain I was constantly causing him. It hurt so much to think about him that it made my eyes filled with tears. “Love, I’m so so sorry! I know you don’t like to talk about him, I know it hurts for you to even think about him. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up” Edward said, as he stroked my back, comforting me. He really shouldn’t comfort me. I didn’t deserve it. And I was just the biggest coward because I have tried so hard to suppress the guilt I felt when I thought about Jacob. And I missed him. I missed him very much. His big smile, his bear-hugs, his laugh...I just missed my best friend. But I couldn’t and wouldn’t take about him in front of Edward. I know that it hurts Edward to think about me and Jacob, though Edward tried to be reasonable about it. “Its n-n-n-ot your fault Edward, it’s just a very touchy subject for me t-t-to talk about” I answered him, wiping the tears from my eyes. “Bella I want you to feel that you can share everything with me, you know that right?” I nodded. “But if you want to change subject there actually is something I would like to talk about. Or rather, ask you about” he smiled a very tender smile at me, and then my hopes immediately went up. Was he already prepared to discuss the whole sleeping together issue with me now? The exact thing I thought about most of the time? And apparently also dreamt about now?

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“You see love, the thing is my parents and my siblings are planning on visiting Tanya, Kate and Irina in Denali next week. Off course they asked me if I would like to join them and the offer goes for you as well. But then I thought that maybe you and I could do something else instead. Because this will mean we could have the whole house to ourselves. And I really don’t get to spend much alone time with you. Well, I mean not without sneaking in your window in the night behind Charlie’s back.” I guessed my face must look quite surprised because Edward quickly continued: “And if you rather go and meet Tanya and her sisters then I can mostly certainly understand that as well. You decide, love.” I tried to focus but my mind was already picturing the whole next weekend inside my head “me and Edward alone, no other vampires with exceptional hearing, no one to disturb us, me and Edward totally alone all evening, all night long…”. “Oh!” I gasped. This would fit perfectly into my plan in persuading Edward. “I would love to!” I said, very enthusiastically. A little too enthusiastic maybe. “Well would you love to spend the weekend alone with me or with my family at Denali?” Was he being serious? Like I would ever pass a chance for a whole “Edward-Bellahome-alone” weekend! “Well, being home alone with you of course!” I smiled. Edward then sent me a brilliant smile in return. Oh shoot. What about Charlie? I’m sure he wouldn’t approve med spending the whole weekend alone with Edward. Okay approve would be an understatement. He would simply forbid me to do it. “What about Charlie? He is not going to be too pleased with the idea”. “Oh, well I actually already thought part trough. But my plan contains some lying to Charlie…” Edward knew I didn’t like lying to my father, but in this case I guess it was worth it so I nodded in agreement. “Well you should tell your father that my family and I are leaving town for the weekend which isn’t a total lie. But that Alice wants to stay back home because she wants to totally redecorate Jaspers room as a surprise for his birthday. And that Alice doesn’t like to stay home alone so ask him if you could have a sleep-over weekend, 19

helping her with the surprise. I will do my part to make it sound convincing of course. You think you can do that, love?” He sounded a little skeptical. Edward knew I was a bad liar, but this shouldn’t be too hard to pull off. “You really have a lack of confidence in my lying-skills…” I said trying to sound offended. “Just being realistic darling” he answered smiling and leaned forward to kiss my nose. “Sure, sure” I mumbled, as I prepared to go downstairs and say good morning to Charlie. I turned around, looking at Edward as he sat there on my bed, looking incredibly gorgeous. “See you in ten minutes?” I said. “I’ll miss you” Edward said smiling as he stood up and wrapped his arm around me. “I love you” he mumbled in my ear and then the next second he was gone out of the window. I felt the right part of my heart jumped right out of the window with him. I sighed and headed down to Charlie. “Hello sleepyhead” Charlie greeted me. “Morning’ dad” I smiled at him. I fried some eggs and sat next to Charlie. “Umh, dad?” He looked up from his newspaper “Well it’s just because Edward and his family is leaving town next week to visit some friends in Denali in Alaska.” I wanted to stick to the truth as much as possible. “But Alice wants to stay home to prepare a surprise birthday-present for Jasper. She wants to give his room a complete make-over. But she doesn’t like to stay home alone, but she can’t take the risk to ask anyone from her family to stay home with her, because she is afraid that they might reveal the surprise. So she asked me if I would like to have a sleep-over weekend at her house, helping her with the surprise. That’s okay, right?” I tried to sound casually as I spoke. First Charlie looked skeptically into my eyes like he was trying to find a hint of lie in them. But I really, really wanted this weekend with Edward so I had my best pokerface on. Eventually he gave up and just nodded to himself: “Well that’s so sweet of Alice and of course she shouldn’t be home alone! Edward was also leaving, right?” I just told him that Edward and his family was leaving. 20

“Yea dad, Edward is also leaving.” Then Charlie smiled. He really wasn’t being fair to Edward but I guess he was just overprotecting, the whole “daddy’s little girl” thing. “I’m going fishing most the weekend anyway Bells, so you should go have a girlsweekend with Alice.” Then there was a knock on the door. “Finally” I thought to myself. “Oh, that must be Edward” I said, trying to sound surprised. Of course I already knew that he would come but Charlie wouldn’t be too happy to know I already spent the whole night next to Edward in my bed. He stood in my doorway, looking perfect as always. He had changed clothes as well. I couldn’t help smiling all over my face as I saw him even though it only been ten minutes since I last saw him. And I felt whole again the minute his was in my sight. I know that Edward had been eavesdropping on my conversation with Charlie because he practically beamed when he saw me as well. “So it worked…” he whispered in my ear, to low for Charlie to hear. “I told you that you don’t give me enough credit for my lying-skills” I whispered back as I lifted one of my eyebrows. Edward just chuckled, kissing me on the cheek. Then he went for the kitchen. “Hello Chief Swan” Edward greeted Charlie. Charlie mumbled a silent hello in return, not even caring to look up from his newspaper. But then suddenly he looked up, looking kind of smug. “So Edward, what are you going to do next weekend?” Oh my, he still tried to figure out if I was lying before. “Oh I thought Bella already told you” Edward answered, looking confused at me. Of course he was totally in on the lie. “Well, my family and myself are going to visit some old friends in Denali. Well, all of my family except Alice. She is determined to stay home but she doesn’t want to tell any of us the exact reason why…” Edward said, looking very thoughtful. God, he was so good at this. I almost began believing that it was the truth he was telling. 21

“Which remind me…” he now turned to look at me, and winked as he did “Alice wanted me to ask you, no rather demanded me to make sure you don’t have any plans for next weekend.” I smiled at him and rolled my eyes “I’m way ahead of you Edward; I already made plans with Alice next weekend”. “Always one step ahead of me” he answered smiling, probably at his own little private joke, and then he took my hand and squeezed it lightly. I looked over at Charlie. He seemed truly convinced now. “I actually promised Alice I would come over and visit her today as well, she wanted to fill me in on the details about the weekend” I began dragging Edward to my room. I knew that Charlie could still hear us as we made our way up the stairs because then Edward added “Please Bella, tell me what she’s planning, I promise I won’t tell anyone!” I closed the door behind us when we were in my room. And then I had to laugh. We were a really convincing team. And somehow I couldn’t seem to stop laughing again. I wrapped my arm around my stomach, trying to calm myself. Then I felt Edward cold arms around me and he kissed me in the hair. “I don’t think there is anything more beautiful in this world than you laughing” he whispered in my ear, dazzling me with his sweet breath and scent. I freed my arms from my stomach and caressed his face with my fingers as I leaned in for a kiss. I felt his sweet breath between my lips and my heart stopped beating. I let my fingers find their way into his hair and he grabbed my back tightly, closing the distance between us completely. He let his lips trace down my jaw line, down to my neck. Then he loosened his tight grab around me and removed his lips from my neck whispering as he chuckled a little “As much as I love this, you should breathe love”. Breathe… Breathe… Oh yea I guess I should breathe. Í let the air fill my lungs, only to once again be overwhelmed by his delicious scent. “Well, should we go to my place then?” Edward said smiling at me. Yea we should. I had plans, I had to remember that. So I quickly picked a pair of jeans, and a sweatshirt to wear. I went into the bathroom, taking a quick shower, changed clothes and went back to Edward. 22

“Mmmhm, you really do look lovely with all wet hair” he complemented me. I took his hand as we went for his house.

3. Preparation
We arrived at Edwards’s house and went for the door. Alice already was already waiting by the front door with a big grin on her face. Of course she knew what my plans for the day was and I she was thrilled. “What took you guys so long?!” Alice said, as she pulled me in for a tight hug. I really have missed her. “Sorry Alice, but Edward and I had some persuasion to take care of” I said as I smiled to Edward. “Yea so I saw. You and Edward are not going to come with us to Denali next week? Well that’s really a shame, I will miss you both” she said with a teasing smile on her face. She already knew what my mind was decided about trying to do when me and Edward was going to be alone next weekend. I blushed a little by that thought.

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Then Emmett came out and gave me a big hug. “Missed you lil’sis. Awesome that you forced Edward to go hunting with us today. We need some brother-quality time, it’s been years!” Emmett said as he laughed. Emmett and Edward greeted each other with a high-five. “Well, I’m sorry I’ve been keeping him Emmett, I try to be more observant about his needs in the future” And I hope he will stop being so stubborn about my biggest need I thought to myself. “Don’t worry love, the best thing I know is being kept prisoner at your place” Edward said, brushing my cheek which made me blush again. “Okay enough with the love-talk” Emmett interrupted. “We have some hunting to do. And Alice has been head over heels all morning, waiting to do whatever Bella has decided to go doing today” I could see in Edward’s face that this fact made him curious, but he didn’t question it. Then Jasper came outside, greeting me with a gently clap on my shoulder. I smiled at him. “Shall we?” Jasper said, gesturing at the woods. “Hell yea, let’s get out of here!” Emmett agreed. Edward then turned to me, gave me a quick kiss on the lips which made my heart go absurdly fast. And of course all the excellent-hearing vampires around me heard which made them laugh out loud. Edward just chuckled to himself as he whispered in my ear “I love you. I’ll see you later today”. Then they disappeared into the woods. As soon as they were out of sight Alice took my hand dragged me into the house. “Bella I can’t believe this! You actually want me to take you shopping?! Of course you should let me buy you a whole new wardrobe, but I bet you won’t let me do that anyway. But I’m sure we can find something you’ll like. I spend a little time on the computer trying to put some outfits together which will look great at your skin tone. Oh Bella, I’m so excited!” she babbled on and I smiled an apoplectic “Hello-nice-tosee-you” smile at Carlisle and Esme who just sent me compassionate smiles in return. We went into Alice’s room. She finally stopped talking and I quickly utilized the moment to speak 24

“Alice, I know you already saw what I was planning on going shopping, so don’t even go there with all the new outfits. It’s only one thing in particular I want to buy.” Yes, I would go for the big cliché and try to wear sexy lingerie in my attempt to persuade Edward. Maybe it won’t work but it’s worth a shot. And as I thought earlier, it works in the movies all the time. God, I was desperate… I blushed and looked down. “Yea Bella I know that you want to go shop some new lingerie. I just thought that…” I interrupted her “Alice, I know that you will take whatever chance you can in buying me a new ward rope, but buying new pretty lingerie is already a new big step for me in my shopping-experiences so please keep it light. I need your help here” She grumbled to herself. “Please Alice, only lingerie today?” “Alright Bella. But I guess I should tell you that Edward really hasn’t made his mind up yet. He is still not sure that he will be able to sleep with you without hurting you. I keep seeing two different scenarios in his future. One where he sees himself goes through with it and another where he is ending up hurting you” I thought it would be really embarrassing to talk with Alice about me and Edward “problem”, but it was kind of a relief to finally have someone to talk about it with. “I know Alice, but I will try to persuade him anyway. I love him so much, and I really feel ready for this. So what else is there left to do?” “Well, I guess its sexy lingerie we are shopping for then” Alice said encouraging. I really love Alice. It’s such a relief that she’s able to see things from my point of view. I looked up and sent her a nervous smile. “Bella I don’t believe that he is able to hurt you either, but when I come to your safety he really doesn’t listen to any of us, only his common sense. But I will help you anyway. So let’s get going!” and the next second I was in Alice arms, as she ran with inhuman speed down the stairs out into the garage. I managed to yell a “See you later” to Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie before we were out in the car. “We will go to Seattle, the lingerie shops in Port Angeles really isn’t worth paying a visit” Alice said while we drove, mostly to herself. 25

I wasn’t totally done talking with Alice about me and Edward’s “issue”. I was very curious. “Alice?” She looked at me. She should pay attention to the road, even though I know that vampires really don’t need that. “It’s just that… Well, I wonder how does it feel?” She already knew what I meant. She thought about it for a minute. “Hmm, how can I describe it… Making love is really intense. For those who are in love it’s the most beautiful thing in the world to share. You will discover each other in a new amazing way. But for two vampires it’s a bit different than with humans. Well, and especially a human and a vampire” She winked at me. “So I wouldn’t know exactly how it will be for you and Edward. But I guess it’s not that different for you two, because the way two are devoted to each other is almost as strong as the love between two vampires.” She smiled at me now. “But don’t worry too much about it Bella. You and Edward are made for each other and I’m sure you will fit perfectly together in any way possible” That thought made me smile because that’s what I believe as well. It will be perfect. We are meant to be together. “Thank you Alice. I needed someone to talk to”. “Anytime Bella. But now” she said as we drove into a parking lot “It’s shopping time!” She truly was beaming now. I couldn’t understand how we got here so fast. I guess our talk distracted me from following the road. She started dragging me in and out different shops, mumbling and arguing with herself saying something like “And they call that quality…” and “This set doesn’t even match! Horrible colors!” Then we went into “Victoria’s Secret” and were greeted by a smiling, classy shop assistant: “Hello and welcome! Any questions about your bra size? I can take care of that right away!” She had already put tape measure half way around my chest and I was blushing like a maniac, when Alice interrupted “No thank you, we are perfectly sure about what size she uses” and then sent a dazzling smile at the shop assistant. It took a few seconds for the shop assistant to get a grip on herself

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”Oh, well you just let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with then” and then she turned around, ready to “attack” another victim who just stepped inside. “Thank you Alice” I whispered. Alice lay her small arm around my shoulder, leading me forward. “Bella, I didn’t really do it to save you from anything. But I already know all your measurements to perfection and there is no reason to waste time in measuring you again when I know I’m right” Oh God, here we go again. Alice found several sets she wanted me to try on. There really was a big unexplored lingerie world I’ve never heard of before. Almost every time Alice found something new she wanted me to try I blushed. Blushing by the thought of myself wearing that kind of thing in front of Edward. It had seemed like a good idea…until now. So here I was standing in front of the mirror in the fitting room looking at the pink fabric that covered my body. Well covered was an overstatement. I blushed even more. It seemed that every piece I tried looked worse than the previous one. I was so close to giving up. Edward would laugh himself to death seeing me in this. Well, if vampires wasn’t immortal he would. Then Alice came inside, interrupting my retreating thoughts. “No, no, no. Definitely the wrong color for you. And you really don’t look comfortable in it either” Well that was an understatement. “Alice, I don’t think this is going to work… Sexy lingerie is just not my thing” “Bella! Quit it! Of course it is your thing; expect for the wrong color you look absolutely stunning. And I’ve just happened to run past the most beautiful marineblue set which I’m sure will match your skin tone perfect. So STOP being a baby about this. Sexy lingerie is every woman’s “thing”. They just need the perfect set.” Alice had put her fists onto her hips as she gave me that speech. “Stubborn little pixie…” I mumbled. Alice rolled her eyes “Just try the set Bella.” And then she stepped back outside, giving me some privacy

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The set contained marine-blue lace hot pants, with a cream-colored bow on each hip. The color matching bra also had a cream-colored bow in the middle of the bra. Then there was this short, black, translucent kimono to wear outside on the set. And I have to say, I actually liked it. I liked that it was pretty and simple. Of course I blushed a little at first, but I didn’t feel the need to hide inside a big sweater when I looked at myself in the mirror now. I felt… pretty? Maybe even sexy. But the most important thing was that I was feeling comfortable. I couldn’t know what Edwards’s reaction would be but at least I liked it. Then Alice stepped inside the fitting room again and when she saw me she threw her hands up to her mouth and started jumping out of joy “Bella! It’s perfect! It suits you perfect, you look so good!” Overreaction, that’s the word. But I didn’t expect anything else from her. “Well, I actually kind of like it myself as well. So I think it’s a winner.” I smiled at Alice. Sure, I did love the set. But I couldn’t really stand the thought of anymore shopping either. It truly was exhausting. Then my stomach started to rumble and I rubbed my hand at it. “And I’m really starting to get hungry” I continued. I could see in Alice’s change of expression that she wasn’t satisfied that I only brought one set but I knew she wasn’t going to argue with me. I have warned her about my conditions on going on this trip. “Okay okay, let’s get the human some food then” Alice grumbled. Of course I didn’t get to pay for the underwear because by the time I changed back to my own clothes Alice has already paid for the lingerie and waited for me outside the store. I just signed, and decided not to start arguing. I got outside. Wow. How long had we been out shopping? It’s all dark now. No wonder I’m hungry. But now I felt another kind of hunger inside. Edward. I missed him so much. Would he be home by now? Hmm. I still needed to eat. Edward would notice it immediately if I was hungry when I got home and he would blame Alice. 28

“What do you want to eat?” Alice asked. I looked around and noticed a salad bar. I could take one to-go and eat it on the way home. “I’ll just take a salad and eat it on the way home. I’m kind of tired anyway. Shopping is totally draining my energy” I stretched my arms and pretended to yawn. “Really Bella? Acting has never been your biggest talent and I know why you’re in such a hurry of getting home. It’s always about Edward. Edward, Edward, Edward. I love you too, you know.” Aw, that hurt! It’s not that I don’t like spending time with Alice. It’s just hard to be away from Edward at the same time. I took her cold stone hand and squeezed it. Though, I’m not sure she could feel it. “Alice, I love you too and you know you’re like a sister to me. But consider me addicted to Edward. It’s sort of impossible for me to be away from him for too long” “Well maybe it’s time to go to rehab then. And I was just kidding anyway. But sometimes you need a reality-check” Alice giggled. I just rolled my eyes at her “What kinda’ salad do you prefer?” she asked. “Alice, I can pay for and pick my own salad” I protested. “Sure you can. But it’s rude not to answer.” Alice continued. I just shook my head at her and started walking towards the salad bar. I picked their seasonal salad and was about to pay when Alice cried out: “Bella! Look!” and she pointed against the car. Oh, what now? I looked at the direction she was pointing but I could see nothing. I slowly turned around, as I began demanding for an explanation when Alice smiled a huge smile at me, standing with my salad in her tiny hands. I practically growled. “I never agreed to let you pay yourself, and you are just so easy to distract. Sometimes you’re so easy that it ruins all the fun. Well I guess its 1-0 for the pixie!” she laughed. I wasn’t done being pissed with her. Well, not really pissed, I couldn’t be pissed at Alice. “I’ll give you some credit. You sure win the prize for being the most annoying pixie in the history!” and then I grabbed my salad, heading for the car.

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As we drove home we didn’t talk much. I wasn’t angry with her anymore, but I was thinking about the next weekend at it kind of kept my mind occupied. When would I suddenly sneak the new lingerie on? Should I wear it from the beginning? Hmm. Then I remembered something I had to clear out with Alice. “Alice? Do you think that you can try to not think about what we have been doing today when Edward is around? I don’t want him to know. He is not too happy about my whole persuasion-thing. I know it’s hard to keep your mind of something, but please try.” “Of course Bella, tough, I would love to see the look on Edward’s face when he found out” she giggled. “Please, Alice?” I continued. “Sure Bella, but he will know that I’m keeping something from him and when he’s alone with me I swear to God, he will be annoying and curious!” “Well…” I said “I’ll make sure I’ll be there to stop him then. And you should take the bag…” I laid the pink “Victoria’s secret” bag in her lap. “Or else he will definitely get suspicious.” A few minutes later we drove in to the Cullen’s garage. I opened the car door and prepared to get out but before I even got one leg out of the car, two cold, hard arms grabbed me and lifted me out into a tight hug. “Mmmh Bella” Edwards’s voice was like velvet. I let his sweet scent overwhelm me as I relaxed in his arms. “So adorable” Alice chuckled and I barely noticed her running out of the garage. I was with my Edward now. I rested my head at his neck. “I’ve missed you so much love” Edward breathed into my hair. I started placing small kisses at his neck, and his breathing became harder. “I missed you too. I even got food-to-go so that I could eat in the car and get faster home to you. Yea, I’m pathetic” I said and kissed his neck again. He lifted my chin with his fingertips and looked me straight into the eyes. “That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about, you know, be nice. And I think being pathetic is kind of hot.” He winked at me, and leaned closer. As always my heart stopped beating when his lips were close to mine.

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I closed the distance between them, letting the thrill of Edward’s kiss overwhelm me completely. I tangled my fingers in his hair, and wrapped my leg around his waist. He then let his tongue trace my under lip and I thought that the pleasure it brought me would be my death. “And believe me Bella, you are actually not even close to being pathetic if you knew what I was about to do. I was on my way out finding you and bring you back home, and I’ve only been home for an hour” “Well I’m going with you next time you are hunting then” I breathed in his ear. He pulled out of my, well at least that’s what I thought it was, tight grab around him and looked me in the eyes: “You know that’s not going to happen, Bella”. God, I ruined our “reunion-moment”. Edward looked so serious now. “Hey mister, I was not done kissing you, don’t you dare to pull away from me!” I said as I huddled my way back into his cold arms and chest. Edward couldn’t keep the smile from his face at my comment. His lips found mine again and I was back in 7th heaven. I had a hard time getting a grip on myself after that kiss. “Thank you” I mumbled. Edward laughed quietly to himself. He pointed towards the living room saying: “Shall we?” I began taking deep breaths, calming myself down. “Yea, I want to spend some time with Carlisle and Esme, before I have to go home.” I said. “Oh, but did you not spend time with them after me, Emmett and Jasper left for our hunting trip?” he asked. “No because your sister dragged me out into the car before I even had time to say hello to them, God she was overjoyed, I didn’t have a chance…” I turned to look at his face while I spoke. Edward had raised an eyebrow and he listened intensely as I spoke. Ah! Stupid Bella! Now his going to wonder even more what me and Alice has been up to all day. This had only made him more curious. I blushed and didn’t say one more word until we were inside the living room. As soon as I stepped inside, Esme was at me side giving me a caring, motherly hug. Seconds later Carlisle was at my side as well, putting a hand on my shoulder: “We want apologize for Alice’s behavior today. And you should now that we sent you a lot 31

of compassionate thoughts.” Carlisle smiled at me. “At least we are glad to see that you survived.” “Don’t blame Alice. She kinds of get “caught up in the moment”. I don’t even think she is able to control it” I send them a kindhearted smile in return. “It’s really not her fault that she is kind of mental” I added. I heard Emmett laugh across the room and I looked at Alice who just sent me a reproving look in return and stuck her tongue out at me. “So…” Edward interrupted “Now that we are all together then let’s talk about how each other’s day have been!” he said enthusiastically. Alice rolled her eyes; she already saw were this conversation was heading and so did I. I really didn’t have to know the future to figure out Edwards intensions. But Esme, who always loved the opportunity for the whole family to spend quality-time together, was thrilled “Yes, that’s a wonderful idea Edward! Why don’t you start?” “Oh, well first we ran really far, trying to find some grizzlies for Emmett. But there were no grizzlies to be found so after a while we gave up and settled for some moose’s. Then Emmett challenged Japser and myself for a fight, but I was too busy thinking about Bella so I really couldn’t think about anything else” Edward said, smiling tenderly at me. This would probably have melted my heart completely if I didn’t know his intensions behind this conversion. It was clear that he tried to suck up to me. But it still made me blush and I heard Emmett made puking noises. “But but but, enough about us! I’ve been dying to hear what Alice and Bella has been doing all day?” Edward continued eagerly. And he couldn’t hide sounding a little impatient as well. “Seriously Edward, why are you making this show? Just read Alice’s mind and get over with it!” Rosalie interrupted him. She really looked bored. Edward looked irritated as he answered Rosalie sarcastically “Thank you so much for that wonderful idea Rosalie. But it appears that sweet Alice is blocking her thoughts for a reason I simply can’t figure out. So I thought that we should talk about it instead.” He now turned back to look at me. Okay how stupid did he really think I was? This was starting to irritate me. 32

“Edward, everyone has secrets. Every other person than you has to live without knowing what everyone thinks all the time, so try being in their place for one day. And get used to it; because this is one thing that Alice and I simply won’t tell you about. No matter how many ways you try to persuade us into saying it. It’s just not gonna’ happen, so you don’t have to put on this little “family-gathering” show any longer, if the only reason was because you wanted to lure out the details of mine and Alice’s day together” I saw Alice came dancing across me from the other side of the room, with a big grin on her face. She raised her hand at me, inviting to give her a high-five. I gladly met her request, smiling widely back at her. “And BAM, Edward Cullen is out! 1-0 to the human girl and the pixie! You go girls!” Emmett yelled as he laughed and Jasper joined in on the laugh. Soon everyone but Edward laughed. He just mumbled: “I’ll figure it out sooner or later…” And sure he will but he will have to wait until next weekend. I was still so nervous about his reaction. I blushed again, but no one really noticed, they were too busy laughing, and Edward was too busy being irritated. I looked at the time. Oh, I had to go home. Or else Charlie would get nervous. “Edward, are you too pissed at me to drive me home or can you manage it?” I joked with him. I knew that Edward would never let me walk alone home in the dark. He rolled his eyes, walked over to me and took my hand. I sent a huge grin to my family, because that was truly the way I saw them, and we said our good nights. Edward then practically dragged me out into the car; I guess he wanted to avoid another team-upagainst-Edward situation. He didn’t say a word to me on the way home, and now I was beginning to get irritated with him. He seriously couldn’t take this so personal. We arrived at my house. I turned to look at him. “Edward, please get over with it. Me and Alice can have secrets without you acting like a baby! I don’t want to end this day with you being mad at me…” I said and looked intensely in his eyes. I really hated when he seemed mad.

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He took a deep breath and answered: “Bella, this is just so frustrating for me! Okay, so I have to live with not knowing your thoughts, but now Alice is blocking her mind out as well!” He sounded really angry. He didn’t even look me in the eyes as he said it. “Yea, she is blocking her thoughts to you about one tiny thing! One thing Edward! You are turning this into something much bigger than it is.” I answered, half-yelling. Now it was my turn to be frustrated. I opened the door and went out of the car. He was at my side a few seconds later. “Will I see you in my room for a few minutes?” I asked him. I tried so sound neutral, but I didn’t know if he heard the pleading in my voice. I haven’t slept without his presence for so long… “I don’t know Bella. I’m not really that fun to be around at this moment” Ugh! If he was about to be stubborn, well then so would I! I turned around and half ran to the front porch, quickly letting myself in. My heart was beating very fast. And it was not because I was breathless from the running, but it has been a while since me and Edward had been arguing. And I’m not sure that I’m able to fall asleep without him beside me. “Bella?” Charlie called from across the living room, watching a game. “Yea, hi Dad! Listen, I’m really exhausted, I’ve been out all day with Alice so I’m just going to bed early. I promise I’ll make some good breakfast for you in the morning. Sleep tight, dad!” I half-yelled back at him as I went for my room. “You too, hon’ and sweet dreams!” Charlie yelled back. Easy for him to say. Without Edward I was definitely not going to have sweet dreams. I quickly brushed my teeth and throw on my pajamas. I huddled in to my bed, pulling the blanket over my head. I already missed Edward badly. I wished I didn’t yell back at him. I should have pleaded him to stay with me. But he shouldn’t have reacted the way he did either. Stubborn vampire. I was pretty much caught up in my thoughts when I heard something scratch at the window. I quickly threw the blanket away from m face and looked at the window. It was all steamy. I could sense a beautiful pale finger outside. It must be Edward. What was he doing?

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Then I saw it. He was writing in the steam on my window. He wrote “I’m so sorry” and painted a heart next to it. I jumped out of the bed and pulled the window wide open. He was in my room seconds later, and crushed me to his chest, whispering lots of “imsorry’s” in my ear. My heart relaxed again. I was whole. My Edward was here with me and no stupid argue would ever prevent that again.

4. The big night
Things were back to normal and I felt like me and Edward never had been arguing. Somehow he just accepted that me and Alice have a secret, and we didn’t want to tell him about it. Okay, so one problem solved. But my nerves were killing me! Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday just flew by so fast! And Friday, the beginning day for me and Edward’s first weekend totally alone was only two days away. I knew Edward could feel that I had a lot on my mind that I didn’t tell him about, but after what happened last weekend with me and Alice’s trip he didn’t question my weird behavior. And it was weird because I didn’t like to speak about our weekend together, though; it was the only thing my mind circled about.

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Whenever Edward asked me what I wanted to do, I just answered with quick sentences like “I don’t know..”, “you decide” or “Why don’t you figure something out?”. And of course Edward would find my lack of interest on the subject weird. Because when he first mentioned the idea for me I was over-the-top happy and enthusiastic about it. But yea the nerves were definitely killing me. “Get a grip Bella!” I kept telling myself. “It’s Edward, your Edward, of course it will be perfect and the best weekend ever. Even if he doesn’t fall for your persuasion tricks, you are going to have a whole weekend alone with the most important person in your life. Stop being such a coward and be happy about it!” “Bella?” Edward said, his beautiful voice brining me back to present. I looked at him. I knew it upset him that he didn’t understand what was going on in my mind. But I really couldn’t help the nerves. “Mmmh?” I said “I don’t know what to do. You have been so quiet the last three days. Too quiet. I don’t want to be pushy and you don’t have to tell me what you’re thinking. But please love, if the thought of us being alone together for the weekend is scarring you, please let me know. We can cancel it immediately. And I won’t be mad. I know it’s a big step. We can do it another time if you prefer that?” Like there was any way that I would back out on the opportunity to have Edward for myself a whole weekend. I knew I would never do that. Yes I was really nervous and freaked out by our weekend. But in the end it wasn’t because we were going to be alone, we were “alone” almost every day. But it was my plans for the night that terrified me. But I would not back out. This is the best opportunity I will ever have to make my wish come true. Oh, I realized I hadn’t answered Edward yet, and now he looked really worried. “Edward, it’s not about the weekend. I just have a lot…a lot on my mind at the moment. I’m not going to back out and I’m not afraid to be alone with you! That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. But please, just try to ignore my bad mood. It will change as soon as I have you for myself.” I said as I smiled, trying to sound convincing. “But Bella I can’t stand to see you like this. There must be something I can do” Edward said, as he stroked my cheek. 36

“Being here next to me is the best you can give me in the entire world. Please don’t worry about it Edward, I promise..” then the phone rang. “Oh, I better answer it” I said and I ran downstairs. Oh well, at least it was good way to get out the conversation with Edward. Because I couldn’t be honest with him and it was hard enough dealing with the emotions inside me on top of it all. “Hello?” I said as I grabbed the phone. Edward was right behind me. “Hi it’s Jessica!” Oh. “Hey Jess, what’s up?” I said. Edward then grabbed my hand and stroked my palm. I signed. “Well, I’m just wondering if you’re still up for tomorrow.” Tomorrow? Tomorrow it’s Thursday. Do I have plans with Jess tomorrow? God, how embarrassing I keep forgetting all the other persons in my life when I’m spending time with Edward. “Bella, you’re still there?” Jessica asked. “Oh, yea sorry Jessica. I was just trying to remember what we had planned for tomorrow?” Jessica signed. And then she laughed a little. “Oh well, it doesn’t surprised me that it slipped your mind, being around Edward all the time must make your mind pretty occupied” she giggled “That’s kind of why I’m calling now. You, me and Angela planned on going out for dinner in Port Angeles. Does it ring a bell?” she said. She sounded a little impatient as well. Oh, now I remember! We planned that a long time ago. Maybe I should buy a calendar. “Oh, sure, yea now I remember. Sure I’ll come; I haven’t seen you and Angela for such a long time. Shall we take my truck?” I answered. Edward looked disapproving at my suggestion. He didn’t like my truck, and he truly hated that I was still driving it. I just rolled my eyes at him. “Bella, not to say a bad word about your truck, but I think we should take my car if we planned to get there in a decent amount of time. So, I’ll pick you up at six?” Jessica said casually. Edward nodded in agreement. He really didn’t think much of Jessica, but I think her comment about truck car just gave her some plus-points in Edwards’s “book”.

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“I’m choosing to ignore your evil and untrue comment about my truck Jess. So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at six. Bye Jess.” “Cya Bella” and then we hung up. Edward was obviously amused by our conversation. “I don’t wanna’ hear another word about my truck” I warned him. “I wasn’t going to say anything” he chuckled, and sat down on one of the chairs in the kitchen, pulling me onto his lap. “It’s nice that you are going to have some quality time with Angela and Jessica” he said, kissing me in the hair. “Mmmh” I mumbled. Maybe he thought it would help me get rid of my crabby moodchanging. Well I could only wish. “But I will miss you” I said, turning to look him in the eyes. He smiled and I was of course dazzled again. He kissed me on each cheek and my heart started beating faster. Then he kissed me on my forehead, my nose and finally his lips made it to mine. It was a very sweet and tender kiss. “I’ll miss you too. But I get to have you all weekend all by myself. That thought will make it bearable to be away from you.” Ugh. Now he just reminded me of the weekend again, and I stiffened in his arms. “Get over it, Bella!” I thought to myself as I took Edwards hand and went to my room. I woke up in my room Thursday alone. Can’t really remember when I did that the last time. But today I kind of liked it. I had to pack my things for the weekend, and I would be nice to do it without Edward following my every mood. And Edward was out hunting again, he didn’t want to feel thirsty at all when he was going to spend all the weekend with me. Not that he was afraid that I would end up at his dinner or anything, but Edward always did whatever he could to be on the safe side. I rubbed my eyes and stretched my body when I felt something at my left hand. It was a piece of folded paper. I unfolded it and smiled as I saw Edwards perfect writing “My night has become a sunny dawn because of you, my Bella. Take care, love” it said. I smiled and kissed the note. I looked outside the window. Oh, it was actually sunny today. Wonderful.

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Then got out of my bed and went into the shower, taking my time and just enjoying the hot water embracing my body. I finished and grabbed my favorite pair of jeans and a dark blue long sleeved shirt. I took the note from the bed and put it in my pocket. I went downstairs to grab some breakfast. Charlie already left for work. “Criminals don’t take a vacation Bella. And neither will I” I heard Charlie’s voce inside my head. One time policeman, always a policeman. I chuckled a little and ate my breakfast. Then I went upstairs, looking for a large bag in some different closets. I found one I could use and began packing for my weekend with Edward. I gently laid the lingerie in the bottom of the bag and then placed my pajamas on top of it. Then I packed another pair of jeans, some shirts and some tops. I would wait with my toilet stuff until the next day. Okay so I finished packing a lot faster than I had expected. Hmm, what should I do now? Then a sunbeam came across my face from the window as an answer to my question. I grabbed my book “Wuthering high” and a blanket and went outside. Now the sun caressed all of my body. Mmmh. That made me miss Phoenix a little. But the thought of living in a state without Edward was too horrendous to think about, so I decided just to enjoy the sun while it was here. I lay the blanket out in the backyard and started reading in my book. It didn’t take long before I just stopped reading and just lay in the sun, letting my mind wander about the weekend and how beautiful Edward looked in the sun. I miss that sight. And after a lot of thinking I drifted in to sleep again. I woke up because I had chills over my entire body. The sun was all gone and the steam was beginning to fall. Well perfect, I’ve slept such a long time that there was no way I would be able to fall asleep early tonight. I took the blanket and my book and went inside. Jessica and Angela would pick me up in about two hours. Hmm, I have to do something or else I will just miss Edward too much. First of all I should prepare dinner for Charlie, something he just has to heat up in the microwave. I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I found a steak and some potatoes. I prepared the steak and putted the potatoes in the oven. 39

“Hey Bella, I’m home” Charlie said out from the hall. “Hi Dad, I’m in the kitchen!” I answered. “Mmmh, it smells wonderful in here Bella. But isn’t it a bit early for dinner?” Charlie said as he walked in to the kitchen. “Yea but I’m going out for dinner with Ang and Jess tonight, so I won’t be home to make you dinner later. All you have to do it heat it up when you’re hungry” I smiled at him. “You are treating me too good” Charlie smiled back, and then he went into the living room. Okay, so dinner is ready. What can I do now? Hmm, I guess some cleaning wouldn’t hurt; after all I’m not going to be home the whole weekend. So I started by cleaning the kitchen, the hallway, the bathroom and a little cleaning in the living room. I didn’t want to disturb Charlie to much while he was watching baseball. I just finished up when the doorbell rang. I went out to open. Angela was standing there, giving me a big smile. “Hi Bella, it’s so good to see you, I’ve missed you! Oh it smells good in here, you already ate?” she asked. “Hey Ang, I missed you too! No no of course not, I’d just made sure that Charlie wouldn’t go hungry to bed because of his lack of cooking-skills” I smiled back at her. “I’ve heard that!” Charlie yelled from the living room. “Have fun, girls and take care of each other!” “Thanks chief Swan!” Angela said. “Sure Dad! See you in the morning!” I replied. Then I grabbed my jacket and went for Jessica’s car with Angela. “Hi Bella!” Jessica said as we got into the car. “Hey Jess” I smiled at her. “Are we ready to get going?” Jessica asked. “Sure, let’s get going” Angela responded.

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