There are words that have negative effects on people outside of their awareness.

These alter their mood. It also alters the way they act towards you.
Five words never to use in any conversation.
Certain words trigger the part of the brain that handles pain. Your brain cannot tell the difference
between what is imagined and what is real. Therefore some words can lead to a type of physical
response causing more than just emotional harm.
Bad language that causes pain and even dis-ease.
rofessor Thomas !eiss claims some words actually activate the pain matri" inside the brain.
#sing f$%I scans &functional magnetic resonance imaging' at the Clinical department of the
Friedrich-(chiller #niversity )ena in *ermany !eiss made a fascinating discovery.
%eading negative words to test subjects caused their brains to react as if they were actually in
suffering.
+ow words affect you even when you are thin,ing about something else.
- part of the e"periment used distraction methods to see if they had any effect on the test
subject.s reactions.
It made no difference whether subject paid attention or not. The subconscious mind is still hears
the spo,en word even when the conscious mind doing something else.
!hy imagination is stronger than words.
Fellow researcher $aria %itcher had subjects imagine what the words meant to them. (he had
them visualise scenes in which bad things were happening to them.
In every case subjects felt the physical sensations of pain.
!hen fight or flight causes irrational actions.
(cientists now claim the fight or flight mechanism automatically creates fear/ imagined pain/ and
danger reactions even though there are only people spea,ing to them.
!ords that are invisible to the ear.
(ome words are never heard by the brain. The word not is one of these.
+ere.s an e"ample0 I want you to not focus on your left foot as you read this.
Because the word .not. is in the sentence it is ignored by the brain and you instantly thin, of your
left foot.
!ords that harm
+ere are just a handful of words that researchers say cause damage to the brain0
(1uee2ing
*ruelling
3"cruciating
aralysing
-fflicting
These and other more commonly used words found in everyday language are bad for the mind.
!ords that at first glance seem innocent enough have damaging long-term painful
conse1uences/ if used over and over.
-ll of these findings have serious implications affecting your self-esteem/ your self-image and
your self worth.
!hy4
Because many of the people around you are using .bad. language that undermines your self-
confidence.
There are many more of these mood altering words used in every day conversations. The main
problem is being able to detect them being used on you and avoiding using them on others.
5nce you .clean up. your language persuasion/ influence and getting others to do what you want
becomes so much easier.
3very word has power. !hen you tal, to anyone - once you.ve said what you.ve said you can.t
ta,e it bac,. You words will hurt or heal and there.s very little in between.
#nconfident people ma,e the following basic mista,es with their language. -nd if that.s you... it
isn.t necessarily your fault.
#nderstanding emotions
In school/ no one ever teaches self-confidence. 6or do they show you about word choices that
unconsciously hurt others and lower their self-esteem.
The truth is people feel good about you if you say the things they li,e.
This ma,es them want to be around you. Their self-esteem/ their ego and their self-worth gets a
boost every time your words trigger off positive feelings inside of them.
If on the other hand you are constantly saying things people don.t want to hear they will not want
to be around you.
By ma,ing people feel bad - even unintentionally - you hurt their self-confidence by undermining
them.
-lso a lot of words trigger past events and emotions. -nd because your brain wor,s by
association/ what you say will fire off certain emotions.
3ither good or bad.
These are ,nown as .anchors.. !hen you unconscious pair a one thing with another/ it anchors
them together.
For e"ample0 The smell of freshly brewed coffee can bring bac, memories of being with someone
special in a caf7. 5r the music you used to hear as a child when heard again reflects what you
were doing at that time.
-ll this goes on below the level of normal consciousness/ in other words outside of your
awareness.
If you use words that upset people/ and cause negative memories they will associate their upset-
ness with you.
They lose confidence in you... therefore you.ll find it difficult or impossible to persuade them.
8et.s loo, at some of the many reasons why people are resisting you today.
These are usually down to the choices of words you use when tal,ing to others.
Your choices of words are either bonding you or alienating you from others/ it.s that easy but not
that simple.
The 9 %.s
There.s three %.s in persuasion. %apport - %esistance - and %ejection.
If you have strong rapport you.ll meet little resistance and almost no rejection.
If you had mediocre rapport you.ll meet more than your share of resistance and a fair bit of
rejection.
If you have little or no rapport you.ll always encounter resistance &unless you.re forced to comply
li,e you are if you.re stopped by the police'.
If you have no rapport you.ll have outright rejection.
6ow everyone ,nows if you want to persuade someone to do something you.re not going to
swear at them.
I mean that.s just stupid right4
!ant to ,now a word that.s almost as bad4 This word completely destroys trust/ confidence and
rapport at the unconscious level the instant it.s heard.
Imagine that/ one word so powerfully negative and destructive to persuasion that even outside of
your awareness completely turns you off the person who uses it constantly.
-nd yet normal/ decent people believe this word is o,ay to use in conversations.
It.s not/ never has been never will be. #sing this word is li,e listening to a bunch of people tal,ing
and no one listening.
It.s just li,e a competition of opinions and nothing more. 6o one ma,es any headway because no
one is interested in the people who use this particular word.
I.ll tell you what it is in just a moment... in the meantime see if you can guess.
This word seems so insignificant when you hear it. Yet it.s so profoundly awful when you.re brain
attaches the real meaning behind it... which it always does.
+ave you guessed the word yet4
6o/ I haven.t used it however I will soon. !hen I tell you/ you.ll begin to hear it all the time.
The minute you stop using it/ you.ll instantly be more persuasive.
+ow.s that for a promise.
-lso people more will listen to what you have to say.
You.ll even get better responses from the people you tal, to. -nd your self-confidence will
immediately begin to grow.
It is of course the word .but..
:Yes but/: I hear you say/ :it.s only a little word.: -nd my reply is the meaning of your
communication is the response you get.
If you want a more positive response you use better language.
:6o but no one has ever told me the word .but. can be that bad.:
!hat I can tell you is the word but negates all the came before it.
+ere are some e"amples0
:+e.s a lovely guy but he swears a lot.:
:I li,e that dress but it doesn.t suit her.:
:That.s a good T; programme but I hate the presenter.:
In each case the word .but. is the destroyer. If you hear a lot of .yes buts. and .no buts. your
message has been phrased in such a way that the other person doesn.t want to accept it.
If you use yes but/ no but/ a lot then you will move out of rapport with the people you are with/
lose their trust and confidence and you.ll greatly reduce your chances of persuading them.
-nd if you are .yes butting. to these words right now it.s because you are a certain type ,nown as
a .reactant.. -ccording to rofessor <nowles &who is the world.s leading researcher on
resistance'/ reactants mismatch or find differences in what another person is saying to them.
If you are finding yourself reacting to what I.m saying then I don.t suppose you could do the
opposite/ could you4
Cleaning up your language in the ways I.m tal,ing about here will allow you to have more
confidence. !hen you have more confidence you.ll influencing others effortlessly.
Can I be honest with you4
(hall we loo, at another very important way people prevent themselves from persuading4
I hope you don.t use these words/ B#T if you do you can stop.
6ow as a side note/ that was an e"ample of the correct way to use the word but/ I used it to
negate a bad habit you may have.
The words .to be honest. or .honestly. are words that presuppose you.ve not been all that honest
up until now and so why should someone believe you now if they thin, you.ve been lying to them.
5,ay/ Y5# may not thin, there is anything wrong with the words .to be honest/. but the person
you.re attempting to persuade will.
If you.re in business trying to convince others they people will naturally be weary. -nd in most
cases they will have very little faith in you and refuse to put their trust and confidence in you.
They have probably been ta,en for a ride by someone who repeatedly said/ :I.ll be honest with
you.: 5r similar.
6ever use the words .honestly/. or .to be honest..
If you are being honest people don.t need to be told that/ there are other ways for them to detect
truth and lies. By saying to be honest you detract from your message.
It.s not funny
This ne"t word is a stoc, favourite of one of my brothers/ who/ as it happens is in sales. It grates
on my ears li,e chal, scraping a blac,board every time I hear him use the word 65T.
I.m not being funny but... 6ow my brain and yours doesn.t hear the word not in this sentence
structure. I.m not being aw,ward but... what does that sentence really say to you4
It says to me you are being/ aw,ward/ funny or any other word you.re trying to distract me from.
(top using this word if you are/ and watch people change in a pleasant way towards you.
5,ay/ you may be saying how am I going to remember all of this/ The answer is ta,e one word at
a time and for one whole wee, leave it out of your vocabulary.
You ,now I remember a couple of years ago I was on an appointment to see a couple in their
home. It was planned that a seasoned saleswoman was going to be with me.
(he showed up 9= minutes late.
!hile I was waiting for her I found their real reason for buying. I was doing well.
Then this young woman arrived.
(he and I sat in the couple.s living room and she wanted to ta,e control of the situation. The
woman started using all these bad words and some I.ll be telling you about in a moment.
(he literally tal,ed these people out of buying a conservatory they had showed real interest in/
until this girl showed up.
It.s as if she .hypnotised. them out of the sale.
I couldn.t believe it. These couple had seemed so confident about what they wanted were now
highly sceptical.
Because of her arrogance I didn.t tell her why the sale fell through.
8ater she left the company having failed to ma,e any sales.
The worse thing was she only got paid by commission/ so she earned nothing/ learned nothing
and was nothing in the eyes of the company.
I.ll bet her self-esteem too, a real beating when she had to leave with her tail between her legs.
$ore bad language
5nwards to the ne"t set of disgusting words to avoid when you want to persuade people to your
way of thin,ing.
Before I do I was just wondering have you found that it.s the people who see, out valuable
information li,e this get further ahead in life4 They are usually more successful than others and
ma,e more money than most people.
)ust suppose you could get more people to do what you as,ed because you had better
persuasion s,ills and more self-confidence.
+ow would that benefit your life4 -s you thin, about that let.s e"plore more words never to use in
persuasion you can begin to realise what having even more of this ,ind of information can do for
you4
The ne"t nasty little word is .try.. Yes it seems so trivial it.s hardly worth mentioning/ until that is
you as, someone to do something important for you. -nd they say :I.ll try.:
!hat they are really saying is I probably won.t and if I use the word try I.ve got my get out clause
even before I start because I only said I.d try I didn.t promise anything.
(ound familiar4
If you use this word/ then others will ,now you won.t do anything you say either.
You lose their confidence straight away.
(o cut it out/ here.s why. Try and raise your eyebrow. Try really hard now and get it up. !hat
happened4 If you lifted your eyebrow you were not following my instructions/ because you did it.
If you didn.t lift it you weren.t following my instructions either because you didn.t do it. You can
only do something or not do it/ if you don.t believe me see where you can find trying out there in
nature.
There are only two things that really count in life.
>. The confidence to go out into the world and get what it is you want.
?. The competence or having the right set of s,ills to you ,now in advance you are assured of
succeeding.
-ll the rest is just commentary.
-nd one feeds off the other/ self-confidence is fuelled by self-efficacy. You first have the
confidence to learn new things ris, new ways of doing things. 6e"t you get the results you were
after because you were competent.
It.s li,e a feedbac, loop.
5ther words to leave to others.
@on.t use this word
@on.t is another bad word when persuading others because you are actually instructing them to
do the very thing you don.t want them to do. @on.t imagine yourself on the beach right now in the
warm sun/ loo,ing out over a calm sea.
!here you just there4
But I said don.t - how could you4
$y brain and your brain cannot process the word don.t that.s why.
!hen you learn advance persuasion s,ills I.ll show you where you can use the word don.t to
influence someone in such a way they thin, it.s their idea.
@on.t thin, how that would help you now let.s move onto the ne"t set of words in the negative
category we.re focusing on.
+itting the rewind button
The words should and shouldn.t/ shouldn.t be used in persuasion. These ta,e the power out of
your persuasion li,e popping a balloon with a pin. You may get a loud bang but all the wind has
gone out of your argument.
There are no rewind buttons on life so you can.t go bac, and should have/ could have/ shouldn.t
have done anything.
-ll you do when you used to use these words should/ shouldn.t/ etc./ is ma,e people feel guilty.
-nd since people never li,e to feel guilty you get the blame for ma,ing them feel bad about
something they are supposed to have done or didn.t do.
-s I said earlier if you ma,e people feel bad/ they associate that feeling with you.
-re you beginning to see how this all wor,s4
It.s a different viewpoint to loo, at language in this way. You.re starting to hear words that are said
in another way.
%emoving these from your language will ma,e other people feel better about being around you.
They will 1uic,ly catch on and react to you in a warmer/ friendlier way.
It.s as if there.s a light bulb going off in their mind and they begin to see you in a new light.
Your words/ the way you spea, somehow sounds different to them. They grasp what you are
putting across to them.
They move closer to you figuratively spea,ing. They warm to you faster than ever before.
You.ll also begin to feel more confident around others. !ith clean language you can move into
persuading others with relative ease.
6ow that you understand how words can automatically trigger off emotions you want to ma,e
sure you trigger the right type of good emotions in order to get people to do what you want them
to do.
Change happens
But what about the language other people use when they tal, to you.
I believe other people use language that can end up ta,ing you away from your life.s dreams.
!hen that happens it can affect your self-worth/ your self-motivation/ your self-esteem/ your self-
image and much more.
It.s been said thousands of times before - prevention is better than cure. But it.s not easy to
prevent people putting you down... or is it4
Clive Cable is the author of The Influence Intelligence