Cast: Actor: Ci Bóbby (Cory Lebow) Actress: Deprice Mono (Alana Wright) Director: Derika Tore (Jessica Lambert

) Soundtress: Monica Bang (Rebekah Crawford) Narrotor: Tanya Narrátor (Jessie Gripka) Lights, Camera, Action Actor: A dateless bargain engrossing death! Come, bitter conduct; come, unsavory guide! Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on. The dashing rocks thy seasick weary bark! Here’s to my love! [Drinks] O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die. Actress: What’s here? A cup, closed in my truelove’s hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end. O churl! Drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips. Haply some poison yet doth hang on them to make me die with a restorative. [Kisses Romeo Soundtress: Kissing sound] Thy lips are warm! [Irish Drinking Song] Yea, noise? Then I’ll be brief. O happy dagger! [Sound of unsheathing] This is they sheath; there rust, and let me die. [Stab and fall] Director: Cut! [Clapper] Soundtress: Slice! Director: That’s appalling! Narrator: We enter upon Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. The poor Juliet has just slain herself upon Romeo’s calm bosom in the beautiful name of love. Soundtress: Aww….(in a loving manner) Narrator: The director has cut with a ferocious rage as the two “very amateur” actors have completely mutilated the dramatic climax to such a great play. Director: That was absolutely horrendous! You two should never even attempt to act again! Not even charades! Soundtress: Ching ching ching (sword sounds). Narrator: The director is apparently distraught with such poor acting quality. This could be due to insecurities about himself derived from a lack of love exhibited by his mother.

Director: Shut up Narrator! No one asked for your commentary! Actress: [Monotone] My mother never loved me and look how I turned out. Soundtress: Blahhh…(as if coughing up hairball.) Actor: Stop screaming [on the verge of tears] Just stop. You’re ruining my karma. Actress: It’s aura you idiot. Soundtress: Ahhh, (hallelujah style) Actor: That was perfect Monica. [Saying this homosexually] Narrator: Once again we are plagued by the insecurities and inadequacies of the cast and staff. Soundtress: [In a cough] We can hear you! Actor: I’m going to go do my hair. Director: No one is going anywhere until we get this perfect. Soundtress: Bum. Bum. Bum. Director: Deprice Mono, you sound like you hate him! You are in love! Remember? So instead of saying [bored and monotone] “Drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips.” The lines should be full of emotion and passion! It needs to sound like this, [overly dramatic] “Drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips.” [The cast laughs, Director does not notice] And Ci Bobby… You have the emotion… Lord knows you have the emotion… But Romeo is not always a crying pansy! He is sensitive yet masculine. Actor: [Crying] I am masculine! Actress: Masculine! Ha! Masculine my foot! You’re as masculine as a toy poodle. Soundtress: Ruff, Ruff, Ruff!! Actor: [Still crying] Hey if anything, I would be a French poodle. Actress: Oh that is another thing… Your name is Ci Bobby… you are not even French! Where’s your accent? Actor: I have an accent! I’ve just stream lined the way I talk in order to not offend anyone.

Actress: Really? Let’s hear it. Actor: Fine you want to hear it so bad, fine. [Jamaican accent] There mon, I told you I was French. Actress: That’s not French you idiot! That’s Jamaican! Actor: No it’s not mon! It’s French. Soundtress: Yeah man, that’s not French. At least eat a crumpet and some tea. Then you’d be a little French. Actress: Crumpets and tea! That’s English you dim-witted baboon! [Sound of everyone fighting and crazy sound] Soundtress: (Random sounds) Bam, pow, smack! (batman style) Director: Everyone stop! Soundtress: (Crash cymbals) Actor: (Makes little whimper as if frightened) Director: Are we done? Good. Now… does everyone know what they are supposed to do? [Everyone murmurs in agreement] Now lets start from where you two screwed up horribly…Everyone ready? Okay, record in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, action. Soundtress: ACTION! Actor: A dateless bargain engrossing death! Come, bitter conduct; come, unsavory guide! Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on. The dashing rocks thy seasick weary bark! Here’s to my love! [Drinks] O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die. Actress: What’s here? A cup, closed in my truelove’s hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end. O churl! Drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips. Haply some poison yet doth hang on them to make me die with a restorative. [Kissing sound] Thy lips are warm! [Irish Drinking Song] Yea, noise? Then I’ll be brief. O happy dagger! [Sound of unsheathing] This is they sheath; there rust, and let me die. [Stab and fall] Director: Perfect! That was awesome! You see, all you guys needed was the great direction of …me.

Narrator: And the curtain drops upon a horrid tragedy… and by that I mean the acting ability of these pitiful actors. [Rooster crows and monkeys howl]

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful