300 Steps To Utopia

300
steps
towards
Utopia
Contents

Character and Speech .............. 3
Humor .................................. 103
Charity.................................. 111
Anger ................................... 127
Gifts...................................... 140
Visiting Others ..................... 147
Self-Esteem vs. Arrogance ... 161
2

This is a collection of approximately 300
quotes that focus on improving our social lives,
enriching our relationships, and just making
the world a better place for everyone a
Utopia of sorts. The vast majority of these
quotes have been taken from one of the most
influential men in history, Muhammad Ibn
Abdullah (570 AD), the Prophet of Islam (peace
be upon him), and translated as recorded in
verified books of history such as Bukhari,
Muslim, Baihaqi, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Ahmad
and others. A few quotes and lessons are taken
from his companions or later scholars of his
teachings, or from the Quran. This collection is
not only for Muslims. Most quotes are general
and can be appreciated and applied to life by
anyone trying to improve themselves as a
human being. For the benefit of non-Muslim
readers, a few notes have been added here and
there to clarify certain Islamic words or
concepts that may be alien to them. I hope you
like this little collection.
May your life be filled with peace.
3

Character and Speech

"The best of you is the one who
has the best character." (Bukhari)

...No-one is a perfect believer (in
Islam) until they wish for their
brother what they wish for
themselves. (Bukhari, Muslim)

He is of the most perfect
Muslims, whose disposition is
most liked by his own family.

"Kindness is a mark of faith, and
whoever is not kind has no faith."
(Muslim)
4

"Make things easy and do not
make things difficult. Calm
people and do not arouse their
aversion/dislike." (Bukhari)

Those who are merciful have
mercy shown on them by the
Compassionate One, if you show
mercy to those who are in the
earth, He Who is in heaven will
show mercy to you.
(Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi).

"You shall not enter Paradise so
long as you do not affirm belief;
and you will not believe as long
as you do not love one another.
(Muslim)
5

"Beware of suspicion. Suspicion is
the most untrue speech. Do not
spy and do not eavesdrop. Do not
compete with each other and do
not envy each other and do not
hate each other and do not shun
each other. Be slaves of God,
brothers." (Muslim)

"Whoever listens to people's
conversation against their wishes
will be punished by liquid lead
being poured down their ears on
the Day of Judgement". (Bukhari)

"The believer who mixes with
people and endures their injury is
better than the person who does
6

not mix with people nor endure
their injury." (Bukhari) (enduring
peoples injury: tolerating
patiently their misbehaviours.)

Three God loves [one of them
is] a man who has a neighbour
who harasses him and who is
patient with his neighbour's
torments until they are separated
by death or journey. (Sahih by
Ahmad)

"A believer is the repository of
love. There is no goodness in a
man who does not have love for
anyone nor does anyone love
him." (Ahmad, Baihaqi).
7

The Prophet (peace be upon him)
received Ja'far ibn Abu Talib,
embraced him and kissed him
between both of his eyes
(forehead). (Abu Dawud)

Beware of hatred, for it is the
razor. I do not tell you that it
shaves the hair, but it shaves
away the Deen (the religion/ way
of life)." (Bukhari)

Smiling in the face of your
brother is a charity. (Tirmidhi)

If one keeps apart from his
brother for a year, it is like
shedding his blood. (Abu
8

Dawud) (In Islam, brother does
not only mean sibling by blood,
but in the brotherhood of faith
we are also siblings, united in the
belief in One God and one
humanity. This is a very real,
heartfelt relationship that in
some cases is thicker and more
fulfilling than the relationship of
blood ties. However, this in no
way reduces the rights due on
blood relatives, neither does it
imply that not being a Muslim
makes one less than human, just
like real having blood-related
siblings does not mean that
anyone outside of the blood-
related family is not a worthy and
9

equal human. The equality of
humanity is completely in place.
But since the Prophet (peace be
upon him) was addressing a new
Muslim audience and was
instilling values of brotherhood in
them, then he refers to them as
Muslims and as brothers or
sisters of each other. This does
not mean that the teachings do
not also extend to non-Muslims.
The behaviour of the Prophet
(peace be upon him) and his
followers showed that these
teachings are universal, for
everyone. Even the staunchest
enemies who had attempted his
assassination, murdered his
10

relatives, destroyed Muslim lives
and threatened their security and
survival for several years received
forgiveness and care.)

The actions of people are
presented (to God) twice each
week, on Monday and Thursday.
Every trusting slave is forgiven
except for a slave who has
enmity between him and his
brother. It is said, 'Leave these
two until they turn in repentance.
Leave these two until they turn in
repentance.' (Muslim)

11

Should I not direct you to a thing
which, if you do, will foster love
amongst you? Spread as-salamu
alaykum (the greeting of peace
be upon you)" (Muslim)

When a man loves his brother,
he should tell him that he loves
him. (Abu Dawud)

"A man who is known for his
good character has the same
degree as someone who stands
at night in prayer." (Bukhari)

said: I guarantee a house in the
surroundings of Paradise for a
12

man who avoids quarrelling even
if he were in the right, a house in
the middle of Paradise for a man
who avoids lying even if he were
joking, and a house in the upper
part of Paradise for a man who
made his character good. (Abu
Dawud)

It is unlawful to inflict harm
upon yourself and others.
(Mustadrak al-Hakim)

No [believer] veils another
[believer] in this world without
God veiling him on the Day of
Rising." (Muslim) (To veil one
another means to hide and
13

protect and not expose the flaws
or faults of one another, just as
we try to hide our own faults.)

He who has done a wrong
affecting his brother's honour, or
anything else, must ask for his
forgiveness for it now before he
will have neither dinar or dirham.
If he has any good deed to his
credit it would be out of his credit
that the measure of his
wrongdoing would be deducted,
but if he has done no good deeds
it will be taken from the other's
evil deeds and laid upon him.
(Bukhari). (Dinars and dirhams
are a currency. Referring to the
14

time of having no dinar or dirham
means the Last Day when no
worldly wealth will be any use to
us, the only thing that will matter
will be our deeds, whether they
were good or bad.)

Say to My servants that they
should (only) say those things
that are best: for Satan does sow
dissensions among them: For
Satan is to man an avowed
enemy. (Quran: 17:53)

"The Muslim is the brother of the
Muslim. He should not wrong
him nor surrender him to his
enemy. God will take care of the
15

needs of anyone who takes care
of the needs of his brother. On
the Day of Rising God will dispel
the anxiety of anyone who
dispels the anxiety of another
Muslim. On the Day of Rising God
will veil anyone who veils another
Muslim." (Bukhari)

"You can only have envy for two
things: for a man to whom God
has given wealth which he
spends for the truth, and for a
man to whom God has given
wisdom and he acts by it and
teaches it." (Bukhari, Muslim)

16

A man asked the Messenger of
God, may God bless him and
grant him peace, "What is
backbiting?" The Messenger of
God, peace be upon him, said, "It
is to mention about a man what
he does not want to hear." He
said, "Messenger of God, even if
it is true?" The Messenger of
God, peace be upon him, said, "If
you utter something false, then it
is slander." (Imam Malik)

When we backbite, we lose our
good deeds to the person we are
injuring, and if we have lost all
our good deeds, we begin to take
from their record of bad deeds.
17

O you who believe! Avoid most
suspicion. Indeed some suspicion
is a crime. And do not spy and do
not backbite one another. Would
any of you like to eat his
brother's dead flesh? No, you
would hate it. And show fear of
God. God is Ever-Returning, Most
Merciful." (Quran: 49:12)

(God equates backbiting to eating
that persons flesh when dead.)

18

O you who believe! Let not a
group scoff at another group, it
may be that the latter are better
than the former; nor let (some)
women scoff at other women, it
may be that the latter are better
than the former, nor defame one
another, nor insult one another
by nicknames. How bad is it, to
insult one's brother after having
Faith. And whosoever does not
repent, then such are indeed
Wrong-doers. (Quran: 49: 11)

"Woe to every fault-finding back-
biter" (Quran: 104:1)

19

A tale-bearer will not enter the
Garden/Paradise. (Bukhari) (a
person who carries tales/news or
rumours, a tattle-tale, gossiper.)

Do not be a people without a will
of your own saying: If others
treat well you will also treat well
and if they do wrong we will do
wrong, but accustom yourselves
to do good if people do good and
do not do wrong if they do evil.
(Tirmidhi).

A man came to the Prophet (may
the blessings and peace of God
be upon him) and said: O
Messenger of God, direct me to
20

an act which, if I do it, [will cause]
God to love me and people to
love me. The Prophet (peace be
upon him) said: Renounce the
world and God will love you, and
renounce what people possess
and people will love you.
(Ibn Majah).

When a man tells something
and then departs it is trust.
(Muslim) (i.e. whatever a person
has been told by another person
should be treated as confidential
be default: do not tell others.)

21

held his tongue between his
fingers, and then he said:
"Restrain this." Muadh said, "Oh
Prophet of God, are we
accountable for what we say?"
He replied Is there anything
more than the harvest of the
tongues that throws people on
their faces (or he said 'on their
noses') into the Fire?"

What is meant here by 'the
harvest of the tongues' is the
punishment for saying forbidden
things. A man, through his
actions and words, sows the
seeds of either good or evil. On
22

the Day of Resurrection he
harvests their fruits. Those who
sow the seeds of good words and
deeds harvest honour and
blessings; those who sow the
seeds of evil words and deeds
reaponly regret and remorse. Of
course, many times God also lets
us taste the harvest of our deeds
right here in this life. Backbiting is
one of those sins whose harvest
is reaped also on earth.

"What mostly causes people to
be sent to the Fire are the two
openings: the mouth and the
private parts." (Abu Hurayra)

23

"The servant speaks words, the
consequences of which he does
not realize, and for which he is
sent down into the depths of the
Fire further than the distance
between the east and the west."

"Everything the children of Adam
say goes against them, except for
their enjoining good and
forbidding evil, and remembering
God..." (Tirmidhi)

They (the Bedouins) said,
'Messenger of God, what is the
best thing that a man can be
given?' 'Good character,' he
replied. (Bukhari)
24

"A person will not feel greater
fury or anger for any part of his
body on the Day of Judgement
more than what he will feel for
his tongue, unless he only used it
for saying or enjoining good."
(said Ibn Abbas)

What actions are most
excellent? To gladden the heart
of human beings, to feed the
hungry, to help the afflicted, to
lighten the sorrow of the
sorrowful, and to remove the
sufferings of the injured.
(Bukhari)

25

And the good deed and the evil
deed will never be equal; O
listener! Repel the evil deed with
a good one, thereupon the one
between whom and you was
enmity, will become like a close
friend. And none receive this
great treasure except those who
are patient; and none receives
this except one who is extremely
fortunate. And O listener! If a
distracting thought from the devil
reaches you, seek the refuge of
God; indeed He is the All Hearing,
the All Knowing. (Quran: 41: 34-
36)

26

"No two shall exchange whispers
in the presence of a third
person". (Abu Dawud)

"If you were three, two of you
should not whisper to each other
till you join other people, lest the
third feel offended". Abdullah Ibn
Umar was asked; "What if they
are four?" "Then this doesn't
matter", he answered; meaning it
is not then offensive (in a crowd).

"Beware of suspicion, for
speaking on the basis of suspicion
is the worst kind of lie. Do not
seek out one another's faults, do
not spy on one another, do not
27

compete with one another, do
not envy one another, do not
hate one another, and do not
turn away from one another. O
servants of God, be brothers."

To harbour good thoughts (for
others) is a part of well-
conducted worship. (Ahmad).

If a friend among your friends
errs, make seventy excuses for
them. If your hearts are unable to
do this, then know that the
shortcoming is in your own
selves. (said Hamdun al-Qassar)
28

(ie. think of excuses/justifications
for their error, as you do for
yourself).

Why 70?

This is because the default
assumption about all humans and
their actions is that they are
sound and free of error. This is
considered the Muslims
operating certainty. After this, if
we find something that makes us
doubt about them, we are not
permitted to leave this operating
certainty for mere doubts or
misgivings. Also, finding 70
excuses makes us too think ill of
29

them. Surah al-Kahf (the 18
th

chapter of the Quran) covers the
story of Prophet Moses (peace be
upon him) and al-Khidhr, the wise
man who did actions which
appeared negative but which had
deeper wisdoms. The reality is
only God knows peoples real
reasons and the states of their
hearts, and what they will be like
in the future.

The way of purity and sincerity is
to look at everyonefriend and
foewith the eye of sincere
concern and mercy. The
Messenger of God (peace be
30

upon him) said that, Religion is
sincere concern.

Be considerate and forgiving. Do
you not want God to forgive you?
God is All-forgiving and All-
merciful. (Quran: 24: 21)

"Do not envy one another, do not
outbid one another (in order to
inflate prices), do not hate one
another, do not turn away from
one another, and do not enter
into a transaction when others
have already entered into it. O
servants of God, be brothers. A
Muslim is the brother of a
Muslim. He does not oppress
31

him, humiliate him or look down
upon him. God-consciousness is
here" - and so saying, he pointed
to his chest three times. "It is evil
enough for a man to look down
upon his Muslim brother. The
whole of a Muslim's being is
sacred to another Muslim - his
blood, his wealth and his honor
are inviolable."

Jesus, son of Mary, peace be
upon them, used to say, "Do not
speak much without mentioning
God because you will harden
your hearts. A hard heart is far
from God, but you do not know.
Do not look at the wrong actions
32

of people as if you were lords.
Look to your wrong actions as if
you were slaves. Some people
are afflicted by wrong action and
some people are protected from
it. Be merciful to the people of
affliction and praise God for His
protection." (Muwatta, Imam
Malik)

The Prophet, may God bless him
and grant him peace, instructed
us to do seven things and forbade
us seven. He mentioned visiting
the sick, joining funeral
processions, blessing the sneezer,
returning the greeting, helping
the wronged, accepting
33

invitations, and fulfilling
oaths/pledges." (Bukhari)

The example of the value of this
world in comparison to the
Hereafter is as if you dip a finger
in the ocean and then pull it out.
So see how much water sticks to
it. (Muslim) (So use material
things for living, but do not get
attached to them.)

"A truthful and trustworthy
merchant is associated with the
prophets.." (Tirmidhi)

Certain people [] begged of
Gods Messenger and he gave
34

them; then they again begged of
him and he gave them until all
that he possessed was finished.
Then the Prophet said,Whatever
wealth I have, I will not withhold
from you. Whosoever would be
chaste and modest; God will keep
him chaste and modest and
whosoever would seek self-
sufficiency, God will make him
self-sufficient; and whosoever
would be patient, God will give
him patience, and no one is
granted a gift better and more
comprehensive than patience.
(Bukhari and Muslim)

35

try to pass your mornings and
evenings in a state where your
heart is free from all ill feelings,
jealousy and hatred for everyone,
and remember that this is my
Sunnah (habit), and he who loves
my Sunnah will be with me in
Paradise (at-Tirmidhi)

"Do you know what is better than
charity and fasting and prayer? It
is keeping peace and good
relations between people, as
quarrels and bad feelings destroy
mankind." (Muslims & Bukhari)

The Dua (prayer) of a person for
his Muslim brother in his absence
36

will be answered. At his head
there is an angel, and every time
he prays for him for something
good, the angel who has been
appointed to be with him, says,
'Ameen, may you have likewise.'
(Muslim)

Abu Hamdun (from one of the
generations following the
Prophet (peace be upon him))
had a scroll on which was written
the names of three hundred of
his close friends, and he used to
pray for them one by one
every single night.- Sifat al-
Safwah 1/492

37

"You have two characters which
God likes; gentleness and
deliberation." (Muslim).

"Verily, God is mild and is fond of
mildness, and He gives to the
mild what He does not give to the
harsh." (Muslim)

"One who lacks kindness of heart
lacks all good." (Muslim)

"God is gentle and loves
gentleness in all things." (Bukhari
and Muslim)
There is not a Muslim that visits
another in the morning except
38

that 70,000 angels ask
forgiveness for him until the
night, and if he visits him at night
then 70,000 angels ask
forgiveness for him until the
morning, and he will have earned
a garden in paradise (At-
Tirmidhi).

Whoever visited a sick person
does not cease to swim in mercy
until he returns home, if he was
to sit down he would be
immersed in it. (Muwatta of Ibn
Malik)

39

The Prophet, (peace be upon
him), said, "A believer in respect
of another believer is like a
building whose parts support one
another." And he intertwined his
fingers. (Bukhari)

You are sons of Adam, and
Adam came from dust. Let the
people cease to boast about
[their] ancestors. (Abu Dawud)
(ie. we are all equal and of
humble origin)

"The believing men and women
are associates and helpers of
each other. They (collaborate) to
promote all that is beneficial and
40

discourage all that is evil; to
establish prayers and give charity,
and to obey God and His
Messenger. Those are the people
whom God would grant mercy"
(Quran, 71)

"Do not dispute with your
brother. Do not make fun of him.
Do not make a promise to him
and then break it."(Bukhari)

A complete believer is he from
whose tongue and hand (actions)
his fellow Muslims are safe.
(Bukhari, Muslim)

41

He who fulfils a need of a person
in order to give him pleasure, has
given me pleasure; whoever has
given me pleasure has given God
pleasure, He will give him
Paradise." (Baihaqi).
God says: "My slaves! I have
forbidden injustice for Myself and
I have made it forbidden among
you, so do not wrong (be unjust
with) one another. (Bukhari)
He who believes in God and the
Last Day should honour his guest;
he who believes in God and the
Last Day should not annoy his
neighbours; and he who believes
in God and the Last Day should
42

say what is good or keep quiet.
(Bukhari, Muslim).

"The young greets the old, the
one walking the one who is
sitting, and the small group
greets the larger group."
(Bukhari)

The worst of people is the one
who other people avoid, fearing
his coarseness. (Bukhari)

"Shall I tell you who is unlawful
for the Fire (Hell) - or the one for
whom the Fire is unlawful? It is
unlawful for everyone who is
easy, flexible, modest and
43

uncomplicated." (Tirmidhi) (being
unlawful for the Fire means
those for whom God has made it
unlawful for Hell to touch them)

"Whenever a Muslim visits a sick
brother (Muslim) or merely goes
to meet his brother, then God
says: 'You are holy; your walking
is holy; you have arranged your
abode in Paradise.'" (Tirmidhi)

A man asked the Prophet, may
God bless him and grant him
peace, 'Which part of Islam is
best?' He answered, "That you
feed people and greet those
whom you know and those
44

whom you do not know."
(Bukhari)

"The learned are heirs of the
prophets, and the prophets do
not leave any inheritance in the
form of (monetary wealth), but
they do leave knowledge as their
legacy. A person who acquires
knowledge, acquires his full share
(of this legacy)." (Riyad us-
Saliheen)

Thabit al-Bunani related from
Anas ibn Malik that he passed by
some children and greeted them
and said, "The Prophet, may God
45

bless him and grant him peace,
used to do that." (Bukhari)

"Son, if you are able, keep your
heart... free from malice toward
anyone." (Tirmidhi)

Al-Bara' said, "A bedouin came
and said, 'Prophet of God! Teach
me an action which will enable
me to enter the Garden.' He said,
"The question is a broad one,
even though you have asked it in
only a few words. Free someone.
Set a slave free.' He said, 'Are
they not the same thing?' 'No,' he
replied, 'Freeing someone is
setting someone free yourself.
46

Setting a slave free is to
contribute to the price of setting
him free. Lend an animal for
milking which has a lot of milk
and treat your relatives kindly. If
you cannot do that, then
command the good and forbid
the bad. If you cannot do that,
then restrain your tongue from
everything except what is good."
(Bukhari)

You must be compassionate.
Whenever there is compassion in
something, it beautifies it, and
when it is removed from
something it disgraces it."
(Bukahri) (The Prophet (peace be
47

upon him) said this in response to
his wife Aisha. A group of people
nearby insulted and mocked the
Prophet (peace be upon him) but
he did not retaliate, and Aisha
(may God be pleased with her)
wished he would respond to their
false accusations and correct
them.)

Ibn 'Abbas said, "The Messenger
of God, may God bless him and
grant him peace, said, ' Teach
and make it easy. Teach and
make it easy.' three times. He
went on, 'When you are angry, be
silent' twice." (Bukhari)
48

"The person who strives on
behalf of the widows and poor is
like those who strive in the way
of God and like those who fast in
the day and pray at night."
(Bukhari)

"There is nothing which weighs
heavier in the balance than good
character." (Bukhari) (The
Balance: the scale of our good
deeds versus our bad deeds, the
scale which will be used to judge
us on the Day of Judgment)

A man must not make another
get up from his place and then
49

occupy it himself, but you should
spread out and make room.
(Bukhari, Muslim)

It is not allowable for a man to
come in between two people
without their permission.
(Tirmidhi)

"When you are told: 'Make room
in the gathering,' then make
room and God will make room
for you! And when it is said, 'Get
up,' then get up ..." (Quran:
58:11)

If anyone gets up from where he
has been sitting and comes back,
50

he has no right to it.
(Muslim).

The Apostle of God (peace be
upon him) cursed the one who
sat in the middle of a circle. (Abu
Dawud)

forbade anyone to wipe his hand
on the garment of anyone whose
clothing he had not himself
provided. (Abu Dawud)

Mercy is only removed from the
one who is destined for
wretchedness. (Bukhari)

51

"Give good news, guide people
and draw near to one another.
(Bukhari)

There is no good in most of their
private conversations, except in
the case of those who enjoin
charity and kindness, or
reconciliation between people. If
anyone does that, seeking the
pleasure of God, We will give him
an immense reward. (Quran:
4:114)

"One day a man became very
thirsty while walking down the
road. He came across a well,
went down into it, and drank and
52

then climbed out. In front of him
he found a dog panting, eating
the dust out of thirst. The man
said, 'This dog is as thirsty as I
was.' He went back down into the
well and filled his show, putting it
into his mouth (in order to climb
back up) and then gave the dog
water. Therefore God thanked
him and forgave him." (Bukhari)

"Two people are truly ungrateful:
a person whom you give advice
to and he hates you for it, and a
person who is favoured with a
seat in a tight place and he sits
crossed legged (taking up extra
space)" (said Ibn Araabi)
53

Anas ibn Malik said, "The
Prophet, may God bless him and
grant him peace, was the most
merciful of people towards
members of his family. He had his
son (Ibrahim) suckled in part of
Madina and the husband of his
wet-nurse was a blacksmith. We
used to go to him and the house
would be full of smoke from the
bellows. He would kiss the child
and take him in his lap."(Bukhari)

"Show mercy and you will be
shown mercy. Forgive and God
will forgive you. Woe to the
vessels that catch words (i.e. the
54

ears). Woe to those who persist
and consciously continue in what
they are doing."(Bukhari)

Warrad, the scribe of al-Mughira
ibn Shu'ba, said, "Mu'awiya
wrote to al-Mughira ibn Shu'ba,
saying, 'Write down for me
something which you heard the
Messenger of God, may God
bless him and grant him peace.'
Al-Mughira wrote to him, ' The
used to forbid gossip, wasting
money, asking too many
questions, refusing to give,
disobedience to parents and
55

burying daughters alive." (Asking
too many questions is directed
at those who do so not to
sincerely gain knowledge, but to
create unnecessary objections,
waste time in useless details, or
go against discipline and
authority.)

He does not belong to us who
does not show mercy to our
young ones and respect to our
elder ones, who does not
recommend what is good and
prohibit what is disreputable.
(Tirmidhi)

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"I stand for praying, and I intend
to make it long. I hear a baby
crying. So, I shorten it, as I
dislike making it unbearable for
the mother. (Bukhari)

The best house among the
Muslims is the one which
contains an orphan who is well
treated, and the worst house
among the Muslims is the one
which contains an orphan who is
badly treated. (Ibn Majah).

Touch an orphan's head and
feed the poor. (Ahmad)

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"I and the one who takes
responsibility for an orphan,
whether his own kin or of others,
will be in Paradise thus," and he
pointed his forefinger and the
middle finger with a slight space
between them. (Bukhari)
(Meaning: if our hearts and deeds
in this world are good enough,
we will be companions of the
Prophet (peace be upon him) in
Paradise. This means a lot for
those who love him. Muslims are
required to love God and His
Truth and His Messenger above
all else, including their own lives,
since love is one of the most
powerful and motivating human
58

emotions. Therefore we should
love the highest levels of Truth,
Justice and Mercy. Being
motivated by anything less will
cause us to fall short of our best
or spread evil/injustice on Earth.)
"The one who looks after and
works for a widow and for a poor
person, is like a warrior fighting
for God's Cause or like a person
who fasts during the day and
prays all the night." (Narrated bu
Abu Huraira)

"Look at those who stand at a
lower level than you but don't
look at those who stand at a
higher level than you, for this
59

would make the favours
(conferred upon you by God)
insignificant (in your eyes)."
(Muslim) (If we start being
thankful for what we have, we
will have no time to complain
about what we think is missing.
We do not know that God in His
Mercy and Wisdom did not want
us to have what we think we are
missing, for our own good.
Maybe our patience during the
hardship is a means of attaining a
high rank in Paradise!)

"Wondrous are the believer's
affairs. For him there is good in
all his affairs, and this is so only
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for the believer. When something
pleasing happens to him, he is
grateful, and that is good for him;
and when something displeasing
happens to him, he is patient,
and that is good for him."
(Muslim) (In other words, it is a
win-win situation, because there
is blessing and merit in
everything that happens in a
believers life. Patience in
hardship is rewarded;
thankfulness in fortune is
rewarded.)

said: I have only been sent to
61

perfect good manners.
(Bukhri).

A mischief maker will not enter
Paradise. (Bukhari, Muslim).

God has revealed to me that you
must be humble, so that no one
boasts over another, or
oppresses another. (Muslim)

"He knows you very well, since
He created you from clay, and
when you were foetuses in your
mothers wombs. So do not claim
purity for yourselves. He knows
best those who have fear of
Him. (Quran: 53: 32) (No-one
62

may think they are better than
others. Only God knows who is
better than whom, since only
God knows with absolute
certainty what is and what will be
in peoples hearts. Humans have
no such certainty and hence no
right to look down on others.)

Narated By Anas ibn Malik : I
never saw that when any man
brought his mouth to the ear of
the Prophet of God (peace be
upon him), he withdrew his head
until the man himself withdrew
his head, and I never saw that
when any man took him by his
hand that (the Prophet (peace be
63

upon him)) withdrew his hand,
until the man himself withdrew
his hand. (Abu Dawud) (ie. The
Prophet (peace be upon him was
never the first one to leave a
handshake or a hug.)

"Do not rejoice in the
misfortunes of your brother. For
God may show him compassion
and create difficulties for you"
(Tirmidhi)

If you guarantee me six things
on your part, I shall guarantee
you paradise: speak the truth
when you talk, keep a promise
when you make it, when you are
64

trusted with something fulfil your
trust, avoid sexual immorality,
lower your eyes and restrain your
hand from injustice.
(Baihaqi).

Anas said reported, The
upon him) said: "Do not hate one
another and be not jealous of
one another and do not boycott
one another, and be servants of
God (as) brethren; and it is not
lawful for a Muslim that he
should sever his relations with his
brother for more than three
days." (Bukhari).

65

"It is not lawful for a Muslim to
break his ties with another
Muslim for more than three days,
in such a way that when they
meet, the one turns his face one
way and the one other turns his
face the other way. The better of
these two is the one who makes
Salaam (greeting) first." (Bukhari,
Muslim).

said: It is not allowable for a
believer to keep from a believer
for more than three days. If three
days pass, he should meet him
and give him a salutation, and if
he replies to it they will both
66

have shared in the reward; but if
he does not reply he will bear his
sin and the one who gives the
salutation will have come forth
from the sin of keeping apart.
(Abu Dawud)

(This breaking of ties is referring
to the intentional cutting off,
ignoring, out of anger, or
hatred of some sort, not the
natural parting due to distance,
busy lives, etc)

Avoid envy, for envy devours
good deeds just as fire devours
fuel. (Abu Dawud)

67

"Amongst the beautiful
(characteristics) of a person's
Islam is that he pays no heed to
that which does not concern
him."- Tirmidhi (ie. minds his own
business, doesnt gossip or care
about other things.)

Modesty is part of faith and
faith is in Paradise, but obscenity
is part of hardness of heart and
hardness of heart is in Hell.
(Ahmad, Tirmidhi).

God will not show mercy to him
who does not show mercy to
others. (Bukhari, Muslim).

68

He is not of us who does not
show mercy to our little ones and
respect to our elder ones.
(Tirmidhi, Mishkat).

Wealth does not mean having a
lot of property. Wealth means
having contentment. (Bukhari)

"If you are given health and
security from evil in this world
and the next, you have attained
felicity." (Tirmidhi)

Believers are to one another like
a building whose parts support
one other." He then interlaced
his fingers. (Bukhari, Muslim).
69

Anas said, "I served the Prophet,
may God bless him and grant him
peace, for twenty years. He never
said 'uff' to me and he never said
about anything I had not done,
'Why didn't you do it?' or about
something I had done. 'Why did
you do that?'" (Bukhari)

Jabir said, "The Prophet, may God
was never asked for anything to
which he said, 'No.'"(Bukhari)

Jarir said, "...the Messenger of
God, may God bless him and
grant him peace, never saw me
without smiling at me." (Bukhari)
70

"Two qualities are not found
together in a believer: miserliness
and ill-temper."(Bukhari)
"The dust of the path of God and
the smoke of Hellfire are never
joined together in the heart of a
slave. Belief and greed are never
joined together in the heart of a
slave." (Bukhari)

Consider how a matter will turn
out; than if you think its issue will
be good carry on with it, but if
you fear going astray hold back.
(Sharra-as-Sunna)

71

God loves His poor, believing
servant who refrains from
begging and yet has children.
(Ibn Majah).

There is no harm in wealth for
someone who has God-
consciousness, but health for the
person who has consciousness is
even better than wealth.
Cheerfulness is a blessing."
(Bukhari)

"A believer is the mirror of his
brother. A believer is the brother
of another believer. He protects
him against loss and defends him
behind his back." (Bukhari)
72

If you search for the faults of the
people, you will corrupt them, or
will nearly corrupt them. (Abu
Dawood) (ie. do not be looking
for flaws in others.)

Moses' son Imran said, "My Lord,
who is the greatest of Thy
servant in Thy estimation?" and
received the reply, "The one who
forgives when he is in a position
of power. (Baihaqi) (ie. when he
had capability to take revenge.)

Fear God wherever you are, and
follow up a bad deed with a good
deed and it will wipe it out, and
73

behave well towards people.
(Tirmidhi).

At evening do not expect [to live
till] morning, and at morning do
not expect [till] evening. Take
from your health for your illness
and from your life for your
death. (Bukhari) (i.e. when in
good health you are able to
perform your duties well take
advantage of this. The same
applies to the state of being
alive.)

Avoid three abominable acts
(that is, the one who does them
is cursed by God and by the
74

people): defecating in streams,
defecating on roadways, and
defecating in shaded places.
Cleanliness invites towards faith,
and faith leads its possessor to
the Garden. (Tabarani).

On the day of Resurrection, God
will not look at the person who
trails his robe behind him out of
pride. (Bukhari) (as some people
do to show off their status).

Anyone who has an atom of
pride in his heart will not enter
the Garden. (Muslim)

75

Pride/arrogance is to reject the
truth and to view other people
with contempt. (Abu Dawud)

Do not stand up as the Persians
do, some people honouring the
others. (Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah).

(It is a sin and arrogance to feel in
ones heart that others should
stand up in honour of oneself, or
that one should be seated above
others. All humans are equal in
humanity and in their humble
reality that they are sustained
and given life not by their own
power but by the only One God.
And the Prophet Muhammad
76

(peace be upon him) would sit on
the ground with his companions,
so that if a person entering a
room did not already know him,
they would not be able to
distinguish him from the others;
he sat with them equally.)

No one was more beloved to the
Companions than the Prophet
(peace be upon him). When they
saw him they did not stand up,
knowing he would not approve of
it. (Shamail Tirmidhi)

Being confined for room, the
Messenger of God sat down upon
his legs drawn up under his
77

thighs. A desert Arab who was
present said, "What is this way of
sitting?" Muhammad (peace be
upon him) said, "Verily God has
made me a humble servant, and
not a proud king."

If people wanted to join him
while he was on his riding animal,
he would offer them a seat with
him or let them ride while he
walked. If they refused, he would
be too embarrassed to see them
on foot while he rode, so he
would request them to go ahead
and wait for him at the meeting
place.

78

"And be moderate in your pace,
and lower your voice; for the
harshest of sounds without doubt
is the braying of the ass." (Quran:
Luqman: 19)

Each one of you is a caretaker
and is responsible for those
under his care. (Bukhari,
Muslim).

The worst person is someone
who is two-faced. He is the
person who comes to one group
of people with one face and
another group of people with
another face. (Bukhari)

79

The person who has two faces in
this world will have two tongues
of the Fire on the Day of Rising.
(Bukhari)

A man came to the Prophet, may
peace, and made a pledge to him
that he would do hijra
(migration). He left his parents
who were in tears. The Prophet
said, 'Go back to them and make
them laugh as you made them
weep.' (Bukhari)

The souls of two believers
should meet in the course of a
day even if they do not actually
80

see each other. (Bukhari) (ie.
remember or pray for each other)

Umm ad-Darda' said, "Abu'd-
Darda' stood up in the night to
pray. He was weeping and said,
'O God! You made my physical
form good, so make my character
good!' until morning. I said,
'Abu'd-Darda', your only
supplication for the entire night
was for good character!' He
replied, 'Umm ad-Darda', the
Muslim makes his character good
with the result that his good
character takes him into the
Garden. He makes his character
bad with the result that his bad
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character takes him into the Fire.
The Muslim is forgiven while he is
asleep.' I asked, 'Abu'd-Darda',
how can be forgiven while he is
asleep?' He said, 'His brother
arises in the night and performs
the night prayers and makes
supplication to God Almighty and
is answered. He makes
supplication for Muslim brother
and his request is answered.'"

Someone who makes peace
between people by saying
something good or relates
something good is not a liar.
(Bukhari)

82

Abu'd-Darda' reported that the
grant him peace, said, "Shall I tell
you a degree better than prayer,
fasting and charity?" "Yes," they
replied. He went to say,
Improving a state of friendship.
Causing discord in a state of
friendship is what shaves things
away." (Bukhari)

Fear God and put things right
between you. (Quran: 8:1) (ie.
believers in God should fear His
Displeasure, and strive to correct
the problems/relations amongst
people. Let the people be ruled
by God and not their own egos.)
83

God commands justice and
doing good and giving to
relatives. And He forbids
indecency and doing wrong and
tyranny. He warns you so that
hopefully you will pay heed.
(Quran: 16: 90)

"It is great treachery to tell
something to your brother so
that he believes you when you
are lying to him."(Bukhari)

"A man visited a brother of his in
a village, so God put an angel in
wait for him on the road. He
asked, 'Where are you going?' He
replied, 'To a brother of mine in
84

this village.' He said, 'Is he
responsible for some blessing you
have?' He said, 'No, I love him for
God.' He said, 'I am a messenger
of God to you. God loves you as
you love him.'" (ie. the angel
asked if he was going to visit
another person out of
expectation of being given
something, rather than out of
pure selfless good will.)

Gods Messenger, peace be upon
him, said, Help your brother,
whether he is an oppressor or is
being oppressed. People asked,
O Gods Messenger! We help
the one being oppressed but how
85

do we help an oppressor? The
Prophet said, By seizing his hand
(preventing him from the sin of
oppression). (Bukhari)

But if you trust one another,
then let him who is trusted fulfill
his trust, and let him be
conscious of God, his Sustainer.
(Quran: Al-Baqarah 2:283)

"Be not like the hypocrite who,
when he talks, tells lies; when he
gives a promise, he breaks it; and
when he is trusted, he proves
treacherous." (Bukhari, Muslim)

86

"It is better to sit alone than in
company with the bad; and it is
better still to sit with the good
than alone. It is better to speak to
a seeker of knowledge than to
remain silent; but silence is
better than idle words." (Bukhari)

Do not pursue material things
too much or else you will be
absorbed by the world.
(Tirmidhi)

Your love for a thing causes
blindness and deafness. (Abu
Dawud)

87

Whoever recommends and
helps a good cause becomes a
partner in it: and whoever
recommends and helps an evil
cause, shares in its burden: And
God has power over everything.
(Qur'an:4:85)

A bedouin urinated in the
mosque and they went for him.
(People rushed to grab and stop
him). The Messenger of God,
peace be upon him said, "Let him
finish." Then he called for a
bucket of water and poured it
over it. (Bukhari) (Even though
the man was urinating in a clean
place of worship, the Prophet
88

(peace be upon him) did not
disturb him but washed after
him, and told him nicely later
that the mosque is not a place to
urinate. Muslims are required to
love the Prophet (peace be upon
him), in order to learn and take
inspiration from him and be able
to imitate his beautiful
characteristics and manners.
Love is a natural prerequisite to
sincerity.)

Husayn, the grandson of the Prophet (peace be
upon him) asked his father about the behaviour
of the Prophet in his gatherings. He replied,

The Messenger was always happy and easy
mannered. There was always a smile and a sign
of happiness on his blessed face. He was soft-
89

natured and when the people needed his
approval, he easily gave consent. He did not
speak in a harsh tone nor was he stony-hearted.
He did not scream while speaking, nor was he
rude or spoke indecently. He did not seek
other's faults. He never overpraised anything
nor exceeded in joking, nor was he a miser. He
kept away from undesirable language and did
not make as if he did not hear anything. If he
did not agree with the next person's wish he did
not make that person feel disheartened, nor did
he promise anything to that person. He
completely kept himself away from three
things: from arguments, pride and senseless
utterances. He prohibited people from three
things. He did not disgrace or insult anyone, nor
look for the faults of others, he only spoke that
from which reward was attained. When he
spoke, those present bowed their heads in such
a manner, as if birds were sitting on their heads.
(They did not shift about, as birds will fly away
on the slightest move). When he completed his
talks, the others would begin speaking. (No one
would speak while he spoke. Whatever one
wanted to say, it would be said after he had
completed speaking). They did not argue before
90

him regarding anything. Whenever one spoke to
him the other would keep quiet and listen till he
would finish. The speech of every person was as
if the first person was speaking. (They gave
attention to what every person said. It was not
as is generally found that in the beginning
people pay full attention, and if the talk is
lengthened they became bored, and begin to
pay less attention). When all laughed for
something, he would laugh too. The things that
surprised people, he would also show his
surprise regarding that

He would say: 'When you see a person in need,
then always help that person'.

[He would hate it if someone praised him]. If
someone, by way of thanks praised him, he
would remain silent, (because it is necessary
that one thank a person for a good favour or
good deed. Some of the scholars have
translated this as: 'If one did not exceed in
praising him, he would keep silent'. That means
if he exceeded he would prohibit him). He did
not interrupt someone talking and did not begin
speaking when someone else was busy
91

speaking. If one exceeded the limits he would
stop him or would get up and leave (so that that
person would stop)".

When another is talking, one
should show attention and
concentration no matter what.
When the Prophet (peace be
upon him) spoke to someone, he
would face the person with his
whole body, not simply his face
or neck, and not look from the
corner of his eye, but give them
such full attention that they
would feel as if they were the
most important in the gathering.
Imam Ata ibn Abi Rabah said: "A
young man would tell me
something that I may have heard
92

before he was born.
Nevertheless, I listen to him as if I
had never heard it before."
Khalid ibn Safwan al-Tamimi, who
frequented the courts of the two
Khalif'as Umar ibn And' al-Aziz
and Hisham ibn 'Abd al-Malik
said: "If a person tells you
something you have heard
before, or news that you already
learnt, do not interrupt him to
exhibit your knowledge to those
present. This is rude and ill
mannered."
A wise man said to his son:
"Learn the art of listening as you
learn the art of speaking."
93

Listening well means to maintain
eye contact (when appropriate),
allowing the speaker to finish
their speech and restraining your
urge to interrupt his speech.

O you who believe! You are
responsible for your own selves.
If you follow the right guidance
and enjoin what is right and
forbid what is wrong, no hurt can
come to you from those who are
in error. The return of you all is
to God, then He will inform you
about (all) that which you used to
do. (Quran 5:105) (This is
addressed to believers in God. It
is one of the several ways that
94

God encourages them to always
be happy in doing what is right,
and liberates them from worries
about other peoples opinions.)

God does not look not at your
figures, nor at your outward
appearance, but He looks at your
hearts and deeds. (Muslim)

Anyone who seeks refuge in God
will find refuge with Him. Anyone
who asks from God will receive.
(Bukhari)

And your Lord says: Call upon
Me; I will respond to you.
(Quran: Ghafir: 60)
95

...Surely there is peace of hearts
in the contemplation of God!
(13:28)

Adhere to truth, for truth leads
to good deeds and good deeds
leads him who does them to
Paradise. Falsehood is
wickedness and wickedness leads
to Hell. (Muslim).

O People of who believe!
Become the establishers of
justice, witnesses for God even
though it be against yourselves or
your parents or your relatives. If
he be a wealthy or a poor person,
then (know that) God is closer to
96

both of them. Therefore, do not
follow (your) desire in (the
matter of) enforcement of
justice. (Quran: 4: 135) (never
be prejudiced, or arrogant, or
show favouritism in being honest,
fair and just.)

An honest and trustworthy
merchant will be with the
prophets, the truthful, and the
martyrs (in Paradise). (Tirmidhi).

'The people of the Garden are:
a man in power who is just and
successful in fulfilling his duty; a
merciful man who is kind-hearted
to all his relatives ; and an
97

abstinent, modest man with a
family.'" (Muslim)

On the Day of Resurrection God
will not look at three (kinds of)
persons nor purify them. One of
them is the person who swears
(to the truth) while lying about
his merchandise. (Muslim)

There are three classes of judges,
one of whom will be in the
Garden (Paradise) and the other
two in the Fire (Hell). The one
who will be in the Garden is a
man who knew the truth and
judged accordingly. The one who
knew the truth but misjudged
98

and the one who judged for the
people in the ignorance will be in
the Fire. (Abu Dawud and others)

"Right guidance, good behaviour
and aiming for what is just and
correct is a seventieth part of
prophethood." (Bukhari)

"Under no circumstances allow
the fear of the people to prevent
a man from speaking the truth if
he is aware of it, sees it, or hears
it." (Tirmidhi)

O you who believe! Remain
conscious of God, and speak with
a will to bring out [only] what is
99

just and true - [whereupon] He
will cause your deeds to be
virtuous, and will forgive you
your sins... (Quran: 33: 69-70)

"No one should prevent his
neighbour from fixing a wooden
peg in his wall." (Bukhari)

"The best of companions in the
sight of God Almighty is the best
of them towards his companion,
and the best of neighbours in the
sight of God is the best of them
towards his neighbour."
(Tirmidhi)

100

Worship God and do not
associate anything with Him. Be
kind to parents and near
kinsmen, to the orphans and to
the needy, to your neighbor who
is your kindred, and to the
neighbor at your far side, and the
companion at your side, and to
the destitute traveler, and to that
which your right hands owns.
Allah does not love he who is
proud and struts, (Quran:4:36)
(Companion at your side: person
right next to you, living,
travelling, shopping or wherever
you might be.)

101

"He has not truly believed in me
(i.e. he is not a true follower)
who eats to his satisfaction and
sleeps comfortably at night while
his neighbour goes hungry - and
he is aware of it."

"A person whose neighbours are
not safe from his evil will not
enter the Garden." (Bukhari)

"Conduct yourself in this world,
as if you are here to stay forever;
prepare for eternity as if you
have to die tomorrow." (Bukhari)
102

The servants of the Merciful are
those who walk with humility on
the earth, and when they are
addressed by the ignorant, they
say: 'Peace;" Who say: "O our
Lord, avert from us the torment
of Hell: Its punishment is surely
continuous;"... Who are neither
prodigal nor miserly in their
spending but follow a middle
path; ... Who do not bear witness
to falsehood and who; if they
have ever to pass by what is
useless/idle talk, they pass by like
dignified people (Quran: 25: 63,
66, 67, 72)
103

Humor
Muslims (as well as many non-
Muslim historians) believe the
Prophet (peace be upon him) is a
role model. Among other
qualities, he taught us through
his behaviour to be cheerful and
refreshing, without being foolish
or non-serious when required. He
played with children often, and
smiled and joked with his wives
and companions.

A man came to the Prophet
(peace be upon him) to ask him
to give him an animal to ride. The
Prophet jokingly told him, "I will
104

give you the child of a she-camel
to ride." He said, "O Messenger
of God, what will I do with the
child of a she-camel?" The
Prophet said: "Are riding-camels
born except from she-camels?"
(Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, others)

There was a man from the desert
whose name was Zahir. The
Prophet (peace be upon him)
loved him very much and would
say, "Zahir is our man of the
desert, and we are his town-
dwellers." One day the Prophet
(peace be upon him) came to him
whilst he was selling some goods
in the market. He embraced him
105

from behind, and the man could
not see him, so he exclaimed,
"Let me go! Who is this?" Then
he turned around and recognized
the Prophet (peace be upon him),
so he tried to move closer to him
once he knew who it was. The
playfully started to say in the
market, "Who will buy this
slave?" Zahir said, "O Messenger
of God, you will find me
unsellable!" The Prophet (peace
be upon him) said, "But in the
sight of God you are valuable."
(Imam Hanbal)

106

An old woman came to the
Prophet (peace be upon him) and
said: "O Messenger of God, pray
to God that I will enter Paradise."
He said jokingly, "No old
women will enter Paradise."
(Tirmidhi) The old woman began
to cry, so he let her know that all
people will become young again
for Paradise.

Aisha, his wife (God be pleased
with her) said, "I went out with
the Prophet on a journey. At that
time I was a young girl and was
quite slender. The Prophet told
the people, 'Go on ahead,' so
they went ahead, then he said to
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me, 'Come, let us have a race.' So
I raced with him, and I won. He
let the matter rest until I had
gained weight. Later, I
accompanied him on another
journey. He told the people, 'Go
on ahead,' so they went ahead.
He said to me, 'Come, let us have
a race.' So I raced with him, and
he won. He began to laugh, and
said, 'This is for that."' (Imam
Hanbal)

It is reported that the Prophet
was asked by his companions:
"You are joking with us." He said,
"But I never say anything except
the truth." (Bukhari)
108

One day he saw a child looking
sad, so he said, "Why do I see
Abu 'Umayr looking sad?" A man
told him, "The nughar which he
used to play with has died, O
Messenger of God." (Nughar: a
small bird like a sparrow).

began to gently joke with the
child, saying, "O Abu Umayr,
what happened to the Nughayr?"
(Hayat al-Sahabah) (Nughayr:
diminutive of nughar. In Arabic,
this is a play on words, because
of the rhyme between the boy's
name and that of the bird.)
109

(One day), the Prophet, peace
be upon him, came in, at the time
of one of the two evening
prayers, carrying (one of his
grandsons). Then, he went
forward, laid the small child
aside, and started praying. (He
was the leader of the prayer).
During the prayer, he made one
of his prostrations so long that I
raised my head (up from the
prostration on the ground). I
found the small child mounting
on the back of the Prophet,
peace be upon him. So, I lowered
my head down again (continued
the prostration). After the
Prophet, peace be upon him,
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ended the prayer, the
companions asked: "Messenger
of God, we noticed that one of
the prostrations was so long, that
we thought there was something
unusual, or that you were
receiving revelation (of some of
the Qur'an)." The Prophet (peace
be upon him) replied that none of
that had happened. But his
grandson had been on his back,
and he did not want to rush the
little boys game before he had
gotten enough fun of riding on
his grandfather.

111

Charity

You will never attain true
righteousness until you give away
of what you love. (Quran: 3:92)
(Sacrifice ones own favourite
things for others, not just
anything but favourite things that
are loved.)

And be constant in prayer, and
render the Zakat; for, whatever
good deed you send ahead for
your own selves, you shall find it
with God: behold, God sees all
that you do. (Quran: 2:110) (No
need to be upset when people
dont appreciate us. No good
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deed of a believer is ever
wasted.) (Zakat: third of the five
pillars of Islam: a part of ones
wealth that is an obligatory
charity to be given by every able
Muslim every year. The Quran
lists the categories of people to
whom Zakat should be paid,
including the poor, the wayferers,
those who have a lot of debt, etc.
It Haram/unlawful to give charity
to the Prophet (peace be upon
him) or his family.)

Smiling in the face of your
brother is a charity, enjoining
good and prohibiting evil is a
charity, showing someone the
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way when he is lost is a charity,
helping the weak-sighted is a
charity, removing a rock, a thorn,
or bones from the path is a
charity, and pouring water from
your bucket into the bucket of
your brother is a charity.
(Tirmidhi)

God Almighty says, "Anything you
expend will be replaced by Him."
(Quran: 34: 39)

God says, "Whatever good you
give away is to your own benefit
when you give desiring only the
Pleasure of God. Whatever good
you give away will be repaid to
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you in full. You will not be
wronged." (Quran: 2:272) (Do not
seek reward or thanks from the
people, and do not be afraid that
you will become poor by being
generous, knowing our human
nature, God assures us He
Himself will repay us.)

...Whatever good you give away,
God knows it." (Quran: 2:273)
God says of the people of
Paradise, "They give food, despite
their love for it (or for the love of
God), to the poor and orphans
and captives; saying We feed you
for the sake of God alone, we
115

desire not recompense from you,
nor thanks" (Quran: 76:8-9)
When a Muslim plants a plant or
cultivates a crop, no bird or
human being eats from it without
its being accounted for as a
(rewardable) charity for him.
(Bukhari, Muslim).

If anyone plants a tree, patiently
protects it and looks after it until
it bears fruit, God the Mighty and
Glorious will count as charity for
him anything for which its fruits
are used. (Ahmad).

116

Some of the Companions of the
upon him) said to the Prophet
(peace be upon him): O
Messenger of God, the rich ones
have made off with the rewards:
they pray as we pray, they fast as
we fast, and they give away in
charity the superfluity of their
wealth. The Prophet (peace be
upon him) said: Has not God
made things for you to give away
in charity? Truly every tasbiha (to
praise God from imperfection) is
a charity, every takbira (to
humble oneself in reminding
oneself of Gods greatness) is a
charity, every tahmida (to thank
117

God) is a charity and every tahlia
(to testify that there is no God
but God) is a charity; to enjoin a
good action is a charity, to forbid
an evil action is a charity and in a
sexual act each of you there are a
charity. They said: O Messenger
of God, when one of us fulfils his
sexual desire will he have some
reward for that? The Prophet
(peace be upon him) said: Do you
[not] think that were he to act
upon it unlawfully he wold be
sinning? Likewise, if he has acted
upon it lawfully he will have a
reward. (Muslim).

118

"Every right thing is charity."
(Bukhari)

"The good word is charity."
(Bukhari)

Each person's every joint must
perform a charity every day they
comes up: to act justly between
two people is a charity; to help a
man with his mount, lifting him
onto it or hoisting up his
belongings onto it is a charity; a
good word is a charity; every step
you take to prayers (i.e. on your
way to the mosque) is a charity
and removing a harmful thing
119

from the road is a charity.
(Bukhari, Muslim).

The most meritorious form of
charity is the effort to help a poor
man, made in secret, by one who
is himself of little means.
(Ahmad).

Seven will God shade on the day
when there will be no shade but
the shade of His Throne: one of
them is a man who offers Alms
without his left hand knowing
what his right hand has given.
(Bukhari, Muslim). (Your own
other hand not knowing the
actions is referring to anonymity.
120

Among the best charity in the
eyes of God is one that no one
else knows of, not even the
receiver of the charity. Such
charity has sincerity and no
concern for ones ego, showing
off, or any kind of return.)

Sa'id ibn Abi Burda related from
his grandfather that the Prophet,
may God bless him and grant him
peace, said, "Every Muslim owes
charity." He said, "What do you
think he should do if he cannot
find anything to give?" He
replied, "He should find work and
thus benefit himself and be able
to give charity." He said, "What
121

do you think he should do if he
cannot or does not do that?" He
said, "He should help someone
with a great need." He said,
"What do you think he should do
if he cannot or does not do that?"
He replied, "He should command
the good." He asked, "What do
you think he should do if he
cannot or does not do that?" He
replied, "He should refrain from
evil. That is charity for him."
(Bukhari)

"God curses anyone who
misguides a blind person and
leads him away from the path."
(Bukhari)
122

"The upper hand is better than
the lower hand. The upper hand
is the one which expends, and
the lower one is the one which
asks." (Muwatta, Imam Malik)

"Your putting some of the water
from your bucket in your
brother's bucket is charity. Your
removing stone, thorns and
bones from people's path is
charity. Your guiding a man in a
place where there are no guides
is charity."(Bukhari)

"(Each one) of you should save
himself from the (Hell) Fire by
giving even half of a date (in
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charity). And if you do not find a
half date, then (you can do it
through saying) a pleasant word
(to your brethern)." (Bukhari)

"Spend, (or give out or expend)
and do not hold back, or God will
hold back from you. Do not
refuse to spend your surplus or
God will deny you His." (Bukhari,
Muslim)

"If anyone gives in charity as
much as a date from honest
(Halal) earnings - and God only
accepts what is good (Halal) -
God will accept it in His right
hand and will then increase it in
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size for the giver, just like one of
you might rear a foal, until it is
the size of a mountain." (Bukhari,
Muslim)

Charity given to a poor man is
just Charity, but when given to a
relative it serves a double
purpose, being both Charity and
a connecting link. (Ahmad,
Tirmidhi, Nasaai).

If you spend (to help others), O
son of Adam! I [God] shall spend
on you. (Bukhari, Muslim).

125

Satan threatens you with
poverty and orders you to
immorality, while God promises
you forgiveness from Him and
bounty. And God is All-
Encompassing and Knowing.
(Quran: 2 : 268).

"The best charity is that given to
a relative who does not like you."
(Tirmidhi)

"O God, grant me life as a poor
man, cause me to die as a poor
man and resurrect me in the
company of the poor.." His wife
asked him why he said that, and
he replied: "Because (the poor)
126

will enter Paradise (before) the
rich. Do not turn away a poor
man... even if all you can give is
half a date. If you love the poor
and bring them near you... God
will bring you near Him on the
Day of Resurrection." (Tirmidhi)

127

Anger

"Repel (the evil) with one which
is better, then verily! He,
between whom and you there
was enmity (will become) as
though he was a close friend."
(Qur'an 41:34)

(Meaning: when someone is bad
to you, instead of paying them
for it by being bad to them in
return, repay them with
something good, better than
what they did. From personal
experience, I can tell you it works
wonders, especially when done
with pure intentions.)
128

In reference to the qualities of
those who will be from Paradise,
God says: "Those who give in
times of both ease and hardship,
those who control their rage and
pardon other people. God loves
good-doers." (Quran: 3:134)

"Those who avoid major wrong
actions and indecencies and who,
when they are angered, even
then forgive" (Quran :42:37) [it is
one thing to control oneself in a
moment of anger, and another to
actually go further than just
controlling oneself but to forgive
from the heart in that moment].
129

"There is nothing that is
swallowed greater with God in
reward than a slave of God who
swallows and contains his anger
out of desire for the pleasure of
God." (Bukhari)

The strong man is not the good
wrestler; the strong man is only
the one who controls himself
when he is angry. (Bukhari,
Muslim).

"The strongest man is the one
who, when he gets angry and his
face reddens and his hackles rise,
is able to defeat his anger."
(Sahih al-Jami)
130

I guarantee a house in the
surroundings of Paradise for a
man who avoids quarrelling even
if he were in the right, a house in
the middle of Paradise for a man
who avoids lying even if he were
joking, and a house in the upper
part of Paradise for a man who
made his character good. (Abu
Dawud Book 41, Hadith 4782)

"A person should be cautious
from being angry."(Bukhari)

A Muslim is never allowed to
stay angry with his Muslim
brother over three days, because
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he who does that, then dies will
go to Hell. (Abu Dawood)

To extinguish anger, we perform
ablution (washing) or drink
water, as the Prophet (peace be
upon him) said: Anger is the
effect of Satan and Satan was
created from fire. And water
extinguishes fire."

"If a man gets angry and says: "I
seek refuge with God," his anger
will go away." (Sahih al-Jami)

"If any of you becomes angry, let
him keep silent." (Sahih al-Jami)

132

The Messenger of God said: "If
any of you becomes angry and he
is standing, let him sit down, so
that his anger will go away. If it
does not go away, let him lie
down." (Musnad Ahmad)

Whoever controls their temper
God will take away punishment
from him and who so ever safe
guard's his tongue God will
conceal his sins. (Tabrani)

"Do not become angry, and
Paradise is yours." (Sahih al-
Jami)

133

Whoever controls their temper
in a state that if he wanted he
could have took revenge. Then
on the day of judgement God will
call him in front of everyone and
will give him the choice of picking
the Hoor of his choice. (Tirmidhi
and Abu Dawood) (Hoors are a
heavenly female companion, not
as normal human women. And as
opposed to common
misunderstandings, it is not that
only men will have heavenly
female companions. Women will
also have heavenly male
companions in Paradise. And
Paradise is full of cleanliness,
purity and modesty. So we do not
134

imagine indecencies would take
place there.)

Who so takes up his tongue as
treasure God will keep his secrets
concealed and who so restrains
his anger God will withhold his
punishment on the resurrection
day and who so ascribes excuse
to God will accept his excuse.

Sulayman ibn Surad said, "Two
men abused one another in the
presence of the Prophet, may
peace, and one of them began to
get angry and his face got red.
135

and grant him peace, looked at
him and said, 'I know some words
that, if he says them, will remove
this from him. They are: "I seek
refuge with God from the
Accursed Shaytan."

'Umar ibn al-Khattab said, 'Do
not let your love be a total
infatuation. Do not let your anger
be destruction.' I asked, 'How is
that?' He replied, 'When you
love, you are infatuated like a
child. When you hate, you desire
destruction for your
companion.'" (Bukhari)

136

Abu Salih related from Abu
Hurayra that a man said to the
grant him peace, "Advise me." He
said, "Do not get angry" and
repeated that several times,
saying, "Do not get angry."
(Bukhari)

According to another narration,
the man later said: "I thought
about what the Prophet said, and
I realized that anger combines all
kinds of evil." (Musnad Ahmad)

"And march forth towards
forgiveness from your Lord, and
for a Paradise as wide as the
137

heavens and the earth, prepared
for the righteous; those who
spend in prosperity and in
adversity, repress anger, and
pardon men. Verily, God loves
the good-doers." (Quran:3:134)

taught three ways to control
anger:
1) Say "I seek refuge in God from
the outcast Satan"
2) Do ablution/wash or drink
water.
3) Lie down on the floor

When a person is lying he can be
humble, being close to the earth,
138

which has the quality of being
low and not bursting. This is the
opposite to fire, which is the
origin of Satan, which results in
pride. When a person is lying
down he is far from revenge than
a person who is sitting, and
farther than one who is standing.

(Partly adapted from an online
article. Id like to add when
struck by negative feelings such
as being hurt, when I put my
hand over heart and say in
Arabic: There is no
transformation or strength except
through God, God makes the
feelings literally melt away!)
139

O humankind! There has come
to you a good advice from your
Lord, and a healing for that
which is in your hearts (troubles
like ignorance, arrogance, doubt,
hypocrisy, restlessness, conflict),
a guidance and a mercy for the
believers. (Quran: Younus: 57)

140

Gifts

"Exchange gifts; Exchange love"
(Bukhari)

It is better to give no gifts or
charity at all than to offer gifts,
charity or favours, and then say
things that make the person feel
burdened or indebted by that
charity, as God says:

The example of those who
spend their substance in the way
of God is that of a grain of corn: it
grows seven ears, and each ear
has a hundred grains. God gives
manifold increase to whom He
141

pleases: And God cares for all and
He knows all things. Those who
spend their substance in the
cause of God, and do not follow
up their gifts with reminders of
their generosity (making the
recipient feel obliged or
burdened) or with injury,-for
them their reward is with their
Lord: on them shall be no fear,
nor shall they grieve. Kind words
and forgiveness are better than
charity followed by injury. God is
free of all wants, and He is Most-
Forbearing. O you who believe!
Do not cancel not your charity by
reminders of your generosity or
by injury,- like those who spend
142

their substance to be seen of
men, but believe neither in God
nor in the Last Day. They are
like a hard, barren rock, on which
is a little soil: on it falls heavy
rain, which leaves it (just) a bare
stone. They will be able to do
nothing with aught they have
earned (Quran:2:261-264)

An important point to note is not
to expect gifts, or to try and give
that which is greater; for truly all
actions are but by intention. We
should give to increase love and
for the sake of God, not to
compete, or show our wealth; as
this may constitute arrogance.
143

We should also remember the
basic etiquette's of giving and
receiving in that we don't give
just because we receive, and we
don't belittle or show lack of
gratitude for a gift, no matter
what it is. Even if we don't like it.

The Prophet (peace be upon
him) said: "I shall accept the
invitation even if I were invited to
a meal of a sheep's trotter, and I
shall accept the gift even if it
were an arm or a trotter of a
sheep."

"O Muslim women! None of you
should look down upon the gift
144

sent by her she-neighbour even if
it were the trotters of the sheep
(fleshless part of legs)."
(Sahih Bukhari)

A further note to add here is that
often in disagreements, people
are renowned to "take back their
gifts". The Prophet (peace be
upon him) clearly forbade this:

"One who takes back his gift
(which he has already given) is
like a dog that swallows its
vomit." (Sahih Bukhari) (Taken
from Islamic Adab online).

145

'A'isha said, "I said, 'Messenger of
God, I have two neighbours. To
whom should I give my gifts?' He
replied, 'To the one whose door
is nearer to you.'"(Bukhari)

Abu Dharr reported that the
said, "O Abu Dharr, if you cook a
stew put a lot of water in it,
keeping your neighbours in
mind." (Muslim) (That is,
whenever you are cooking,
increase the quantity, remember
to give your neighbors from your
food.)

146

Al-Hasan was asked about the
Neighbour and said, "The term
'neighbour' includes the forty
houses in front a person, the
forty houses behind him, the
forty houses on his right and the
forty houses on his left."(Bukhari)

Abu Hurayra said, "Do not begin
with your more distant
neighbours before the closer
ones. Rather begin with your
nearest neighbours before the
most distant ones."(Bukhari)
(The point is that charity starts
at home. Fix your relationships
to those closest to you first.)

147

Visiting Others

O believers, do not enter others
houses until you have asked
permission and have greeted the
people therein. This is best for
you so that perhaps you may
remember (God's guidance). If
you do not find anyone therein,
do not enter until you are given
permission. If you are told to go
away, then go away; for it is
purer for you. God is All-knowing
of everything that you do.
(Quran: 24: 26, 27)

148

You are on the way to meet your
brothers, put on nice dress and
fix your saddles so you appear
distinct among people as a
beauty mark [on a beautiful
face]. God likes neither
roughness nor rough manners.
(Muslim)

When the honoured companion,
'Adi ibn Hatam al-Ta'i embraced
Islam, he came to Medina to the
the Prophet (peace be upon him).
honoured Hatam by motioning
him to sit on a cushion, while he
himself sat on the floor. The
149

took a leather cushion filled with
palm fibre and threw it on the
floor. "Sit on this" he said, "No,
you sit on it", the companion
responded. The Prophet (peace
be upon him) insisted "No, you".
So the companion sat on the
cushion whilst the Prophet
(peace be upon him) sat on the
floor. (Ibn Kathir)

He who believes in God and the
Last Day should honour his guest.
Provisions for the road are what
will serve for a day and night;
hospitality extends for three
days; what goes beyond that is
Charity; and it is not allowable
150

that a guest should stay till he
makes himself encumbrance.
(Bukhari, Muslim). (ie. the host
must give the guest specially
hospitality for three days at the
very least, honouring after that is
no longer necessary but if the
host does it, it is rewarded as
extra charity. After three days the
guest is part of the household
and shares responsibility.)

"If you sought permission three
times, and were not granted
permission, then you must
leave". (Bukhari & Muslim)

151

"It is strongly recommened for
Muslims to visit the pious people,
their brethren, neighbours,
friends and relatives, and to be
generous, kind and obliging to
them. However, the extent of the
visit varies according to the hosts
circumstances. The visit ought to
be conducted in a pleasant
manner and at convenient times.
There are numerous sayings and
traditions in this regard." (said
Imam an-Nawawi)

152

Imam al-Qurtubi said: ..part of the etiquette related to
guests is that they be hosted promptly, so whatever is
available is presented to them on the spot. Then it can
be followed up with something else if one has wealth.
The host should not task himself with what might overly
burden him. Hospitality is part of excellent manners, the
etiquette of Islam, and the high character of Prophets
and the Righteous.

Many people do not know how to act in such
circumstances where a guest arrives and it is not
convenient for them to be received. Often people resort
to lying, but not only do children learn from this
behaviour, but it may lead to further problems. Lying
promotes enmity and hatred and displays the signs of
the hypocrite. Do not clearly and blatently lie about
your presence. Declination of a visit does not require
explanation, as not everybody is able to express such
reasons. There is hence great importance on not holding
a grudge but reflecting on the above verse from the
Quran. Too much time is spent and wasted today in
persuit of minor issues and disputes.

Tabii Qatada ibn Diama al-Sudusi said, Do not hang
around the door of those who decline to recieve your
visit. Accept their reason, move on to attend to your
business, and let them attend to theirs.

153

One should not ask for a reason or an explanation as
Imam Malik used to say; Not all people can disclose
their excuses

The one visiting should seek permission by saying;
Youre not busy are you or Perhaps youre busy and
cant receive us to make the hosts feel at ease. One
should always remember even in telephone calls to seek
permission to take that persons time, removing any ill
feelings if declined. It is important adab not to make it
difficult for someone to decline, as that in turn may
cause some harm to them or their situation.

Imam al-Tabari in his Tafsir reported that a man of the
Muhajirin said, All my life, I wanted to practice this
verse: If ye find no one in the house, enter not until
permission is given to you: if ye are asked to go back,
go back: that makes for greater purity for yourselves:
and God knows well all that ye do. (Quran 24:28), but I
could not. I was hoping I would seek permission to visit a
brother and he would tell me to Go back! I would
gladly have left, thus fulfilling the commandment of
God (from Adab/Manners in Islam)

When you enter the home of your host, whether as a
visitor or an overnight guest, one should not closely
examine its contents as an inspector would. It is
important to limit ones observation to what you need to
see. Do not open closed closets, suitcases, files or
boxes. Do not inspect a wallet, a package or a covered
154

object. This is against Islamic manners and is an impolite
betrayal of the trust your host has accorded to you. In
order to cultivate the hosts love and respect, one should
uphold these manners during the visit.

Imam al-Muhasibi ( ) in Risalat al-Mutarshidin
said, "The duty of sight is to preclude forbidden sights
and not to try and see what has been hidden or
covered. Likewise Dawud al-Ta'i said,

"I was told we would be accountable for our minor
gazes, as we are accountable for our minor deeds".

The Arab poet, Miskin al-Darimi said, "My neighbour
need not worry if his door is not closed".

One time someone visited the Prophet, upon him
blessings and peace, who said: Who will host this
man? One of the Ansar immediately said: I will. Then
he rushed to his wife and told her: Provide generously
for the guest of the Messenger of God. She replied:
We only have food for the children! He said: Prepare
the food then light the candle and put the children to
bed at dinner-time. She did as he said [and put the
children to sleep on an empty stomach] then she got up
to tinker with the light and she put it out. Then she and
her husband pretended to eat (so that the guest would
not know that they had no food for themselves, as that
would be embarrassing for the guest since the light
was out, the guest could not see that they were
155

pretending to eat but their plates were empty) but
(themselves) remained hungry that night. The next
morning they went to see the Prophet, upon him
blessings and peace, and he said: Last night God
laughed [the narrator hesitated] at what you two did!
Then God revealed the verse:

Those who were already settled in the city [Madinah]
and firmly rooted in faith, love those who migrated to
them for refuge, and harbour no desire in their hearts
for what has been given to the [latter]. They give them
preference over themselves, even if they too are needy:
those who are saved from their own souls' greed are
truly successful (Quran: 59:9) (Bukhari and Muslim)

Imam Bukhari said that the meaning of laughter (dahik)
here is mercy (rahma). Imam Ahmad interpreted it as
abundant generosity (kathrat al-karam) and vast good
pleasure (siat al-rida). Imam al-Khattabi interpreted it
as good pleasure (rida). Ibn al-Jawzi interpreted it as
generosity (karam) and favor (fadl). Imam al-Nawawi
explained it as a metaphor (istiara) for good pleasure,
bestowal of reward (thawab), and Gods love
(mahabba) after Qadi Iyad who added that another
possible meaning is that the laughter applies to Gods
angels. The latter is the interpretation preferred by Ibn
Hibban. Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani said, The attribution of
laughter and wonder to God is figurative (majaziyya)
and their meaning is Gods good pleasure at their
deed.
156

The Righteous of olden times
would say that the guest brings
his sustenance and leaves with
the sins of the hosts forgiven.

and grant him peace, came to a
door when he wanted to ask
permission to enter, he did not
face it directly. He stood to the
right or the left. If he was given
permission, he went in.
Otherwise he left. (Bukhari)

When someone asks permission
to enter, he says, "When shall I
leave? Where shall I sit?"
(Bukhari)
157

Do not honour your guest in a
way which will be burdensome
for him. (Bukhari)

'Umar ibn al-Khattab said,
"Anyone who fills his eye with the
contents of a house before he
has been given permission has
gone astray. (Bukhari)

"It is not lawful for a Muslim man
to look inside a house until he
has been given permission. If he
has does so, he has entered.
(Bukhari)

158

It is part of the Sunna that a
man should accompany his guest
to the door of the house.
(Ibn Majah, Baihaqi).

'Anyone who believes in God and
the Last Day should be generous
to his neighbour. Anyone who
believes in God and the Last Day
should honour his guest as his
due.' Someone said, 'What is his
due, Messenger of God?' He
replied, 'A day and a night.
Hospitality is for three days.
Whatever is beyond that is
charity for him. It is not lawful for
[the guest] to stay until he
causes him hardship. (Bukhari)
159

Duties of the Guest and the Host

The Host

1. Food & drink: If one is expecting to receive guests,
one should endevour to be hospitable and generous yet
not excesively. Excessiveness in providing food and
drink is NOT from the Sunnah. Do not treat a guest in a
way that makes the guest feel burdened.

2. The guests stay: You should try to make your guests
stay pleasant and comfortable during the day and
night. Don't let the closeness or informality of a guesst
give you reason to lapse. Put your guest at ease and do
not burden him.

3. Meeting guests: Receive them with tact and respect.
Dress properly and look your best but do not be
excessive in this. A close relationship between you and
your guest is not an excuse for negligence or indecency
in manner or appearance. Imam Bukhari reported in Al
Adab Al Mufrad that our forefathers used to look their
best when visiting one another.

4. Kindness: One should be kind and considerate to
ones guests. As a general rule do not ask them to help
you with house chores. Imam Al-Shafi'i ( )
said, "Gentlemen do not employ their guests". So don't
expect help or demand it.

160

The Guest

1. Timing of the visit: When visiting a close friend or
relative one should be mindful of the host's
circumstances and other commitments. A visit should
be made as brief as possible as everybody has various
jobs and duties. The host will also appreciate this more
as you will burden him less. A guest is only a guest for
three days after that he is not considered a guest
anymore.

2. Kindness: Be gentle, and be considerate of your hosts
and volunteer your help with their business, house
chores and obligations.

3. Do not inspect: When at your host's house do not
inspect or examine every corner, especially when you
are invited beyond the guest room, lest you see
something you are not supposed to notice. If you go
beyond your room don't look at what you shouldn't be
looking at. Also, do not bother your guest by asking to
many questions about the host themselves, their
families, or the house itself.

(Duties of the Guest and the Host was taken and slightly adapated
from Islamic Adab/manners online).

161

Self-Esteem vs. Arrogance

God does not love the arrogant and boasting ones [Quran
31:18]

In western psychology self-esteem refers to the esteem you
give to yourself. It is a measure of how much you like and
value yourself. In other words, it is a measure of the extent
to which you live by your own personal values. When you do
not act in accordance to your values, you like yourself less,
and your self-esteem goes down. When you beat yourself
up for not acting in accordance to your values, rather than
learning from your mistakes and moving on (the Islamic
approach to forgiveness), your self esteem goes down even
further and you continue to violate your values and sin.

Low self-esteem results in not living according to your values,
usually as a result of what you think other people will think of
you. For example, not giving your honest opinion when its
required, because youre afraid of what others may think.
Not having the courage to make a sales call due to fear of
rejection rooted in valuing their opinion of you over your
opinion of yourself. Wearing, or not wearing hijab, not
because of what feels right inside, but because of what other
people will think of you.

The truth is nobody knows you better than you do not even
your loved ones. Nobody cares about you more than you do,
either. If you die, theyll morn your loss, but youll be the only
one to live eternally with the consequences of your actions.

162

Having a high opinion of yourself is not always a bad thing
that could lead to arrogance. (And gratefulness, and
remembering that whatever you have is a blessing from God,
can cure pride.) But having a low opinion of yourself leads to
arrogance.

If your opinion of yourself is lower, your inner confidence is
diminished and you always need to prove a point to others
(and yourself) by unconsciously competing. This leads to you
looking down on people and denying people their rights
the Prophets definition of arrogance (peace be upon him).

If you have a good opinion of yourself in areas where you are
good, and a low opinion in areas where you struggle, you are
closer to the truth of your situation. This honesty and self-
acceptance is the starting point of personal growth.

The problem in your personal development comes when you
use patterns of language that put yourself down, and then
actually convince yourself that this is a good thing because
you are being humble. These negative language patterns
like Im such a loser; Im so lazy etc, are not humility they
are self-humiliation. They are lies, which become limiting
beliefs, which ultimately prevent your success. And they are
forbidden. This is why the Prophet (peace upon him) said A
believer never humiliates himself.

Muslim spiritual writings on arrogance as a root disease of
the heart, always balance not being boastful and arrogant
with not looking down on yourself either. If you look down
on yourself (have low self-esteem), you lose your personal
dignity (izza) which may result in you lashing out in a
boastful manner when you get the chance.
163

To make matters worse, if your self-esteem is low the
chances are you could even be indulging in a sly form of shirk
(associating importance and power with things other than
God) valuing others opinions of you affects your behaviour
drastically. The only real opinion we should care about is
Gods opinion. If you let others dictate what you think about
yourself, and therefore what you do, this may be a form of
riyah (showing off, or acting only to shape others opinions,
instead of doing things with sincerity).

This prayer will help:
Allahuma inna nauthu bika min an nushrika bika shayan
naalamu wa nastaghfiruka li ma la naalamu.

Oh Allah, we seek refuge in you from associating partners
with you knowingly, and seek your forgiveness from what we
dont know (doing it unknowingly).

Also,
Allahumma arina al-haqqa haqqan warzuqna ittibaa'h wa
arina al-baatila baatilan warzuqna ijtinaabah
O Allah show us the truth as truth and give us the ability to
follow it, and show us falsehood for what it is and give us the
ability to abstain from it.
The best of examples, our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said
quite frankly I am the best among you, and this is not
arrogance. Its not arrogance because its a fact, and not
spoken to stroke an ego. He told us because its important
for us to know his status (so we can set him as the best
example and stay in the right path), and we can learn from
164

his statement that when you have deep inner confidence and
self-esteem like he did, there is no arrogance.

(Taken and very slightly adapted from an online article
written for a Muslim audience. I shared this with friends. I
also included it here for you although its completely Muslim
and cant really be generalized without taking away a lot of
the essence, since it depends on definitions of arrogance, etc
according to Islam. However, I hope at least some parts of it
might be beneficial.)

Building on the articles point that low self-esteem leads to
arrogant/defensive behaviour, why should one have a low
opinion of oneself? When the human being is the greatest of
creation, greater than the angels! But this greatness can only
be acquired when one throws oneself on a journey to realize
that potential. And God gives a recipe for success in this life
and the next, in one of the shortest chapters of the Quran:

Time and age are witness!
Humankind is certainly in loss
Except those who believe, and do good deeds, and enjoin
truth on one another, and enjoin patience on one another
(through the hardships).
(Quran: 103, 1-3)

This life is an imperfect journey to a perfect Paradise, so
perfection should not be expected from what is supposed to
be imperfect! That is unrealistic and will always fail. If we
accept lifes imperfection, and are at peace with the way God
has the world running, aware of His Wisdom and Mercy, then
if instead of focusing on others flaws, we can keep busy in
cultivating our own selves, and will never be disappointed.
165

The strongest
man is the one
who, when he
gets angry and
his face reddens
and his hackles
rise, is able to
defeat his
anger.

Muhammad Ibn Abdullah,
peace be upon him.
(Sahih al-Jami)

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