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Vo l.

XXVII, Issu e 2 “My c le av ag e lo o ks like th e Eiffe l To w e r” Se p t 2 9 , 2 0 0 5


Gaza - The Beginning or the End for Israel?
By Karen Shidlo
I t s e e m s t h a t so m e p r o g r e s s i s b e i n g decades of contruction and expansion. a n y w h e r e a n d t o p r e s e r v e i t s s t r e n g t h o f d e t e r-
made in Gaza. Israelis have just finished clear- Sharon has made public his plans for the r e n c e a g a i n s t a n y t h r e a t , ” S h a r o n w i l l u n d o u b t-
ing an area that they have occupied for 38 years, n e a r f u t u r e , i n c l u d i n g s u c h p r o j e c t s a s e s t a b- edly be granted a degree of confidence with
pacifying Palestinians, temporarily at least. l i s h i n g a s e c u r i t y l i n e i n c r i t i c a l a r e a s , c o n t i n- which to approach the conflict.
Palestinian President Abbas, has told uing the war against terrorism (where have we The most controversial aspect of the US’s
his people that they may now celebrate, saying heard this before!) and the erection of the involvement in the affair? The fact that Bush
that “[today] our people have the right to cele- S e c u r i t y Fence. After recent meetings with acknowledges that there will be no Israeli with-
brate their freedom, their dignity. This place George W. Bush, Sharon is able to state that drawal to the ’67 lines and the promise of tak-
was a taboo for us…and now we are standing “The U.S. President is a friend to Israel and ing Israel’s side when in negotiations with
here.” leads the international campaign against terror. Palestine.
He has been quoted as saying that he He admires the State of Israel and the Israeli Sharon also listed all the advantages of
would gain control of Gaza - what he referred to people for our resolved and determined stand in the Disengagement Plan in an attempt to gain
as being “one large prison” - by the end of 2005, the face of terror.” more support for the project, including such
leaving him able to enter peace talks with Israel promises as: the preservation of Israel forever;
about other areas of concern. insurance that the Palestinians will end their
Mr. Husseini, the Chief of Staff in v i o l e n t t e r r o r , h e n c e r e l i e v i n g p o l i t i c a l p r e s-
P a l e s t i n e , h a s p r o m i s e d t h a t A b b a s w o u l d c o m- sure from Israel; and making it so that Israel is
ply with the conditions demanded by Israel the “leader” and the “initiator.” He said that
before discussions can commence. This means whoever disagrees with the Disengagement Plan
dealing with the terrorist groups in Palestine forfeits all the accomplishmen t s m a d e s o f a r
a n d A b b a s i s s h o w i n g r u t h l e s s n e s s b y d i s a r m- and that he believes that the Plan is ultimately
ing the small groups within his own Fatah first; good for Israel.
large organizations such as Hamas and Il – Jihad Besides the social implications, that
will be targeted next. settlers have been forced to leave their homes
This all sounds comforting after the and build their lives from scratch, the future of
seemingly endless acts of violence in both coun- I s r a e l s e e m s f i l l e d w i t h i n s t a b i l i t y , d i s c o n t e n t-
tries, with suicide bombings and killing on both ment and, undoubtedly, violence. It seems that,
sides resulting in over 3000 deaths and 29,000 despite Sharon’s optimism concerning the
injuries since January 2001 in Gaza alone, not future of his country, the road to peace will con-
to mention other regions in Israel and Palestine. tinue to be a long and rocky one, even with the
However, the conflict has hardly been assistance and promises of his friend Bush.
r e s o l v e d . W h i l e P a l e s t i n i a n s a r e c u r r e n t l y c e l- Not much seems to have been achieved
ebrating their acquisition of Gaza, they are not by the returning of Gaza to Palestine, for their
satisfied, with Abbas commenting “[today] Gaza, appetite for land seems unsatiable and Israel is
tomorrow the West Bank and [East] Jerusalem,” reluctant to give up any more settlements. It
referring to all the territories captured in the DISPLACEMENT IN GAZA appears that thousands of people were driven
1967 Middle East war. Courtesy of Israeli Withdrawel out of their homes without achieving much in
What does this mean for Israel, thou gh? the n ame of peace and that is the saddest part of
Already, Prime Minister Sharon has had to deal He claims that the support promised to this conflict.
with massive demonstrations nationwide in Israel will have a great impact on the decisions So while one nation is finding new hope
response to his decision to return Gaza to that Sharon is intending to make concerning the in achieving their goal – integrating what is
Palestine. The pullout itself resulted in more ongoing Palestinian crisis. With the US’s sup- today Israel into Palestine – an o t h e r i s a n x i o u s
than 300 arrests, several road blocks and has port of “Israel’s right to secure and protective about retaining their independence.
been the first time that Israel has removed borders, and ‘defensible borders’” and “recog-
established settlements from those areas in four nition of Israel’s right to defend itself by itself

Recall the Moron and Don’t Even Try to Make


the Rest of Us Pay for His Idiocy!
By Natalie Schultz
How much evidence of incompetence is ating tax laws that encourage Americans to take t h e G u l f C o a s t i s r e b u i l t u s i n g r e c y c l e d m a t e r i-
needed to remove a clueless official from office? the country back into their own hands. Bush’s als and powered with solar ene r g y t h i s w i l l d o
New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin first proved his faith-based initiatives are a step in the right worlds of good for our entire country. This
incompetence to the world by not evacuating the direction; whether you are religious or not it is technology already exists and it works. The
residents of New Orleans in a timely and effi- clear to see that such groups are much better at only thing standing in the way is the govern-
cient manner; then he tried to let people come h a n d l i n g p o s t - d i s a s t e r r e c o v e r y t h a n t h e g o v- m e n t ; i f o u r c o n g r e s s p e r s o n s a n d s e n a t o r s r e a l-
back to their destroyed homes against the ernment. The Salvation Army is the best exam- ly want to do good for the whole country they
advice of FEMA, only recanting his advise after ple of an effective religious organization. will get together and pass laws giving tax advan-
the reality of Hurricane Rita was all over televi- Right now, the government has a perfect tages to companies that take all of the rubble
sion screens. This guy has got to go! He is an o p p o r t u n i t y t o c h a n g e o u r c o u n t r y f o r t h e b e t- from these areas and recycle it into usable
utter moron no matter how you look at it. Any building products. They will also pass laws
Democrat stupid enough to stand up for him just that give businesses producing solar panels and
because he is not a Republican is equally igno- solar roof shingles tax advantages so they can
rant, and any blind partisanship will get the efficiently grow these businesses and compete
Democrats nowhere. “ T h e o n l y t h i n g s t a n d- will the less-efficient old-world building
Now onto who is going to pay to rebuild industry. By cutting back on the need for oil to
the Gulf Coast: Don’t even think of raising taxes ing in our way is gov- power our homes we won’t have to worry about
on the rest of us! The American taxpayers the cost of home heating oil and gasoline sky-
should not have to pay for the idiocy of ernment...” rocketing every time a hurricane hits our
Louisiana officials, especially after so many refineries in the Gulf, not to mention the polit-
good-hearted Americans have willingly opened ical effects in the Middle East.
their wallets and homes to the victims on their ter. The need to rebuild such a large area of the A m e r i c a n s w a n t e n e r g y - e f f i c i e n t a l t e r-
own accord. It’s time our elected officials southern United States creates an opportunity natives; this has been made clear by the
across all political parties started to cut back that I could never have dreamed of myself. We increasing popularity of hybrid c a r s . T h e g o v-
on spending across the board. That goes for c a n f i n a l l y t a k e a s e r i o u s s t e p t o w a r d s p r o t e c t- ernment tells us that it is giving tax-incentives
George W. Bush as well; we need less government ing our environment and reducing our need for to businesses researching fuel-cells. I’ll be the
i n t e r f e r e n c e i n o u r l i v e s ; t r u e c o n s e r v a t i v e p o l- foreign oil. The answer is simple: alternative
i c y ca l l s f o r c u t t i n g b a c k o n s p e n d i n g a n d c r e- energy. If every sin gle home and business on Continued on next page
Page 2 Current Events
Recall the Moron and Don’t Even Try to Make
the Rest of Us Pay for His Idiocy!
By Natalie Schultz
Continued from previous page housed in abundance in the very earth beneath W e a r e i n t h e m i d s t o f a d e a d l y h u r r i-
our feet. Ground source heat pump technology cane season as I write this. Hurricane Rita is
first to admit that I love fuel-cell technology, already exists and it works, but most Category 5, heading towards Texas at the
but at the moment harvesting hydrogen without Americans have never even heard of this won- moment. Scientists tell us that this may last 30
the use of gasoline is not feasible; therefore the derful source of home heating power. Our gov- years or more. Whether you bel i e v e t h a t t h i s i s
government must give American car companies ernment must wake up to reality and give inno- do to global warming or not, is it really worth
incentives to push out hybrid vehicles as fast as vative companies the tax incentives necessary to the ri sk of sticking with the status-quo when so
possible. Hybrid technology may not be the compete with ordinary companies that build many good earth-friendly alternatives exist?
godsend of alternative energy, but at the houses that waste energy. Many state govern- Some conservative lawmakers toss this kind of
moment it is the only truly efficient technology ments, including New York, already do give a d v i c e o f f a s t r e e - h u g g i n g l e f t i s t h i p p i e r h e t o-
that actually works. The government must wake homeowners tax incentives to convert to solar ric. Take it from a self-proclaimed Reagan con-
up to reality and embrace the technology that power. Even G.W. Bush’s own home in Crawford, servative: This is not rhetoric; no, this is the
has already been proven to work, otherwise the Texas is super-green. Its high-time that the most economically efficient way to take our
Toyota Prius is going to be the only car on our federal government give tax incentives across economy forward. It might be worth a look back
American roads. the board to individuals and businesses alike to at the presidency of Richard Nixon; after all it
Europeans are way ahead of us when it start harvesting the clean powers of the earth, was Nixon who initiated the most environmental
comes to harvesting the natural powers of the rather than just sitting back and letting us reform policies of any other president. Fiscal
earth. Homes in Europe are often being built destroy the earth with old-fashioned inefficient conservatives, its time to realize that environ-
with solar power, including windows that cap- technologies that only cost us humans lots of mental conservation is the most economically
ture solar power. Ordinary homes are being money and cost the earth all of its natural glory. conservative road we can take.
heated by harvesting the geothermal heat

Big Airlines in Trouble, Oh No!


By Alex Walsh
Delta Air Lines and Northwest Airlines, w e r e b e i ng pa i d under a cont ract neg ot i at ed Both airlines intend to continue flying
the third and fourth largest air carriers in the before 9/11. Some critics of the system believe under bankruptcy, hoping to minimize the
country, have filed for bankruptcy protection. that government aid and the protection o f bank- effect on passengers, although services will
The filings, which occurred within minutes of ruptcy court allows large airlines to maintain probably be scaled back as they reorganize and
each other, were the result of a long buildup of poor business practices without the fear of cut costs. Many smaller cities, some of which
financial problems for the American air travel actually being hurt. are serviced exclusively by Delta or Northwest,
industry. The nearly simultaneous bankruptcies are likely to be hurt by the reorganizations.
One of the main factors in Northwest’s have led some in the industry to speculate on a The restructuring of the companies will also
b an k r u p t cy was t h e co st o f l ab o r . Th e ai r l i n e merger between the two carriers. Delta and involve delegating more flights to regional part-
had been flying for a month with its unionized N o r t h w e s t h a v e h a d t a l k s i n t h e p a s t , b u t n o t h- ners, and of course, cutting jobs. Northwest has
mechanics on strike, after failing to secure con- ing came out of them. The merger would be pos- announced it will begin laying off employees
cessions on wages, and faces a $3.8 billion s i b l e , a s t h e c a r r i e r s h a v e v e r y l i t t l e r o u t e o v e r- (including 400 pilots) before the end of the
shortfall in payments to employees’ pension l a p . D e l t a , b a s e d i n A t l a n t a , p r i m a r i l y s e r v i c- year, and Delta plans to cut 9,000 jobs, on top of
plans. Both Northwest and Delta were also hurt e s t h e e astern US, and launches many daily the 24,000 it has eliminated since 2001. Delta
by competition from smaller, lower-cost domes- f l i g h t s a c ross the Atlantic. Northwest is con- also intends to shed nearly 20% of its fleet. In
tic carriers, and a dramatic increase in the cost c e n t r a t e d in the Midwest, with extensive service the aftermath of these changes, assuming that no
of jet fuel. Northwest expects a fuel bill of $3.3 to Asia. The lack of overlap means that a merg- merger occurs, it is likely that Delta and
billion for 2005, significantly higher than its er between the two would not significantly Northwest will be more similar to the low-cost
costs of $2 .2 billion in 2004 and $1.6 billion in effect competition in either of their primary carriers, such as Southwest and Jet Blue, which
2003. Delta’s costs are 50% higher than they areas of focus, increasing the chance that such a helped push them into bankruptcy.
were last year. move would be allowed by federal regulators.
The air travel industry has never really
recovered from the slump in traffic following
the September 11 attacks. Delta and Northwest
join United, the second largest American air
line, and US Airways, the seventh largest, in
bankruptcy, meaning that nearly half of the
n a t i o n ’ s a i r c a p a c i t y i s r u n n i n g o n b an k r u p t
carriers. American Airlines, the country’s
largest carrier, narrowly avoided bankruptcy in
2003, and has returned to profitability.
Overall, the American air travel industry
expects to lose a total of $8 billion this year.
Northwest, which had been struggling long
before the attacks, was granted massive taxpay-
er-funded bailout packages from the state of
Minnesota, in exchange for maintaining jobs in
the state in 1991 and 1994, but another such
deal is unlikely. Minnesota Governor Tim
Pawlenty, when asked if he would consider
another aid payment, said “Given how far
they’re in debt, it is really beyond the capacity
of the government to save the day.”
A n a l y s t s s a y t h a t f a i l u r e s o f m a n a g e-
ment to react to changes in the market are as
much to blame for the poor performance of air-
lines as rising fue l prices. A reluctance to alter
labor relations and respond to the threat of low-
c o s t , lo w - f a r e u p s t a r t s d r a g g e d d o w n t h e l a r g e s t
carriers. In most cases, the attempts that were
made at cutting costs came far too late. For
99 JET BLUE PLANES ON THE WALL, 99 JET BLUE PLANES, TAKE ONE DOWN...
example, until October of 2004, Delta’s pilots
Courtesy of Jet Blue

Current Events Page 3


Pombo Versus Muir
By Brian Wasser
I don’t know who Congressman Richard go anywhere. But aside from the transparent, pose of the National Park System, and the real
Pombo is or where he came from, but if his wild ma k esh i f t validation of completely getting rid benefit of a society which values open space as
misunderstanding of the value of species other of some of the less popular parks is the harsh is, thereby showing that it has a comprehensive
than ours isn’t enough to frustrate any rational, reality facing the parks that do survive. understanding of progress, altruism, quality of
knowledgeable person, his views on exploitation Suggested in the proposal are “mandated sales life and rationality, all seem to be getting lost.
of public land are literally frightening, and of advertisements on official Park Service maps Not only do these areas seem not to be
o b v i o u s l y b a s e d i n a n i n s u l a t e d b u b b l e o f p r o f- a n d g u i d e s and on the inside and outside of all protected for other species anymore,
it and twisted, stubborn dogmatism. His views NPS buses, shuttles, vans, trams and they don’t even seem to be existing for
on environmental issues certainly aren’t based passenger ferries.” The Interior the public good. At least, that’s the
i n a n y f a c t. After all, his joke of an editorial on Department would also be apparent trend. With this course, the
drilling in Alaska was even more cliché than the r e q u i r e d t o s o l i c i t a n d s e l l c o m- benchmark for parks justifying their
standard pro-drilling arguments. The only mercial sponsorship of existence will soon be 100,000
thing he relied on was typical rhetoric like p a r k v i s i t o r s a n d e d u- a n n u a l v i s i t o r s . I t s o u n d s m e l o-
“ e n v i r o n m e n t a l i s t f a n a t i c s a n d t h e i r s c a r e t a c- cation centers, dramatic, but the reality is that
tics,” and “you can’t conserve your way out of an museums, trails, the scope of this legislation, and
empty tank of gas.” Pombo also seems to think auditoriums and the implications for the hope of a
the U.S. is the world’s leader in environmental theaters. Pombo genuine experience of a natural
protection. So it comes as no surprise that may be onto some- w o r l d t h a t i s e i t h e r v i g o r o u s l y p r o-
there’s no insight whatsoever inherent in his t h i n g h e r e : c o r p o- tected or else gone forever, are both
new proposal to s e l l 15 National Park Service rate theme parks as our sobering. “I have no idea what they
p r o p e r t i e s f o r e n e r g y a n d c o m m e r c i a l d e v e l o p- national treasures. Expect could be thinking putting
ment. I’m sure his distorted rationale for this John Muir to be rolling in his together a proposal this
planned atrocity is no different: that protecting grave. As if creationist tours extreme,” commented Craig
natural landscapes undermines “America’s of the Grand Canyon, and a Obey of the National Park
can-do attitude.” generally distasteful, tourist, C o n s e r v a t i o n
The proposal, released by the Draft consumerist air in all major A s s o c i a t i o n . “ T h e r e a re
House Resources Committee on September 23, is parks weren’t enough, now we are certain people who will
p a r t o f b r o a d e r l e g i s l a t i o n t h a t i n c l u d e s o p e n- faced with the threat of increased never be satisfied
ing ANWR to petroleum exploration, and allow- corporate presence on everything to until you can sell
ing drilling in now-restricted areas throughout do with popular protected areas. If advertisements and
the country. As if this isn’t bad enough, com- Pombo had his way, it wouldn’t reap commercial profit
pletely removing 15 parks from the Park System be long before Pepsi came from the national
simply because they receive less than 10,000 out of Old Faithful and parks and this is that
v i s i t o r s p e r y e a r , i s t h e m o s t b l a t a n t o f t h e r e c- the Swoosh covered kind of proposal.” To
ommendations, especially since almost half of El Capitan. be honest, there isn’t
these proposed properties are in Alaska, where All joking much left that h a s a v o i d e d t h e
it’s pretty difficult to get that many visitors to a s i d e , t h e r e a l p u r- reaper.

Indigenous Discrimination in Chile


By Claudia Toloza
No matter what part of the world one 1 0 % i n d i genous people. Although indigenous Aucán Huilcamán has every right in
looks at, it seems that discrimination is present people do not make up at least half of the popu- running for the Presidency of Chile. He is not
everywhere. Most recently in Chile, A u c á n lation they are still Chilean citizens and it is w o r t h l e s s t h a n t h e o t h e r c a n d i d a t e s . I f a n y-
Huilcamán, a Mapuche indigenous l e a d e r a n d a n unacceptable that they will not be able to be thing he is an even more valuable candidate
aspiring presidential candidate, was denied represented in Chiles’s December elections. b e c a u s e h e i s r e p r e s e n t i n g t h e m o s t u n r e p r e-
acceptance to the candidacy. In December, Chile This incident further shows the second class sented group in the country. The notarization
will be holding its Presidential elections and s t a n d i n g t hat indigenous people in Chile, Latin requirement on the signatures is an extremely
Mr. Huilcamán was hoping to be able to repre- discriminatory requirement. It undermines the
sent the indigenous people of Chile as a candi- meaning of democracy because it is denies equal
dat e. Huilcamán was running for the presidency opportunity to Chilean citizens like Mr.
under the “Popular Indigenous Network” which Huilcamán. People like Aucán Huilcamán, who
is not a political party. are not mainstream politicians, cannot be
In order to be eligible to run for the expected to have the same financial backing as
p r e s i de n c y , a c a n d i d a t e h a s t o h a v e t h e b a c k i n g the other presidential candidates since he is
o f t wo p o l i t i c al p ar t i es o r d ecl ar e h i msel f an representing a group of modest financial
i n d e p e n d e n t c a n d i d a t e a n d c o l l e c t 3 5 , 1 7 1 s i g- income.
natures. Mr. Huilcamán more than met the In Chile, Aucán Huilcamán has led the
requirements. He was supported by three of the government to look inward and r e a l i z e t h a t t h e i r
presidential candidates, which included two electoral procedures need to be changed. In fact,
candidates of the right of wing parties Sebastián the leading presidential candidate Michelle
Piñera and Joaquín Lavín, and also Tomás Bachelet supports Mr. Huilcamán. Her support
Hirsch, candidate of the Juntos Podemos Más is rather surprising to some who feel that
alliance. Mr. Huilcamán had also been able to Huilcamán’s candidacy may hurt her in the
c o l l e c t 3 9 , 1 0 0 s i g n a t u r e s w h i c h h e h a d c o l l e c t- elections by taking votes away form her. Despite
ed on a horseback tour throughout Chile. this risk, she still supports Aucán Huilcamán;
Despite all of this, Aucán Huilcamán was denied perhaps she has realized that discriminatory
acceptance as a presidential candidate; Ignacio practices do not belong in a democratic system.
García, director of the Electoral Service, Also, current Chilean President Ricardo Lagos
explained that only 1,399 of the signature were is supporting reform of the Chilean electoral
valid, since they had met the requirements by THIS IS THE PICTURE THAT CLAUDIA WANTED, system, which would allow Huilcamán to run for
being notarized. Mr. Huilcamán believes that Here you go Claudia, get the size right next time. the presidency.
the notarization requirement puts him and With just a few months left until Chile’s
other candidates who do not have large financial A m e r i c a , and other parts of the world receive by December Presidential elections, hopefully
resources at an extreme disadvantage. their government. Indigenous people have more Aucán Huilcamán will succeed in becoming an
It seems extremely unfair that a country r i g h t t h a n anyone as to having a say in their official presidential candidate. Even if he does
w h i c h c l a i m s t o b e a d e m o c r a c y i s n o t i n s t i t u t- co u n t r i es government, being that they were the not win the elections, Aucán Huilcamán has
ing democratic policies when it comes to its first inhabitants many of these nations had already won by challenging Chile’s electoral
electoral system. According to the 2002 census, before they became the countries we know them system.
Chile’s population is comprised of roughly 7- as t o d ay .

Page 4 Current Events


The Press Crashes
President Kenny’s Convocation
By Joan Leong
money but we never see any of it.
The beginning of the convocation started
off wit h a video of the Zebra Path, of course and
the Wang Center of course. The rest of the video
was just two narrators going back and forth
about how wonderful we are. Finally, when
President Kenny began her speech she sounded
just like the tour guide video. For the next hour
she mentioned over and over again how wonder-
ful we are. It got ridiculous to the point where
there were charts and graphs of how “stellar” we
were. We are ranked 130 out of 183,000 for best
universities by the London Times. We are in the
top 100 in the world for best education. We are
in the top 20 in North America for the Sciences.
W e a r e i n t h e t o p 5 0 f o r p u b l i c n a t i o n a l u n i v e r-
s i t i e s . I t went on and on like that until I lost
track and stopped taking notes because I don’t
really care. Okay, we are a great university, who
are you try ing to convince?
What really impressed me was that she
WE DID FIND FRIENDS, WHICH ONE OF THESE IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER?
said she listened to the students complaints.
HE WAS HAPPY TO SEE US, Courtesy of Rob Pearsall
S h e s a i d t h a t t h e r e i s n o f u n o u t s i d e t h e c l a s s-
Courtesy of Rob Pearsall
rooms after Thursdays because Thursday nights student per desk? It’s not that hard. I’m not even
To celebrate the opening of the new are the only party nights. She said “the stadium complaining that while Binghamton got Bob
H u m a n i t i e s b u i l d i n g , f a c u l t y , s t a f f a n d s t u- is the place to be on the weekends” and there are Dylan, we got rejects from hell Bowling for Soup.
dents were invited to Shirley Strum Kenny’s p a r t i e s a l l w e e k e n d s . S o t h e p r e s i d e n t e n c o u r- No matter how much praise you try to throw at
convocation. So naturally when I arrived they ages us to party all weekend and tailgate at the the faculty or how hard you try to beautifuck
tried to keep me out. I told them I was from T h e stadium. Also wha t really made me laugh and the campus, you forget that the students are not
Press and walked through the lady trying to tell then go “HEY!” was her little joke about the lack content and are without housing. Even during
me to stand in the back. I sat down next to Rob of housing for students. “These last few years President Kenny’s speech, the lights went on
Pearsall and boy did we stick out like sore we spent about $100 million dollars building and off repeatedly. It was all just a charade, the
thumbs. Everyone was faculty and dressed to new housing, and the result? Many students are new building we are celebrating doesn’t func-
impress. The student body consisted of Rob and still tripled.” She giggles and the faculty gig- tion properly. This school has done some great
me because either all students weren’t let in or gled. I even giggled but when the giggling things but there is much need for improvement.
they were smart enough not to waste an hour of stopped, I thought, “Hey that was really fucked Maybe one day there will be no more websites
their life. In this hour I learned the President u p . ” I w a s t r i p l e d m y f r e s h m a n y e a r a n d i t w a s- like, www.stonybrooksucks.com. Hats off to you
Kenny looks absolutely stunning in a shiny n’t fun. There are triples in Roth and the rooms P r e s i d e n t K e n n y f o r t r y i n g t o s e e o n l y t h e s i l-
blue suit, she makes cute jokes about the tripled a r e t i n y a s i t i s a n d I k n o w t h o s e t r i p l e d f r e s h- ver lining, but all your little jokes aren’t all
students’ situations and we get a whole lot of man are pissed off. A month into the start of that funny to us.
school and people are still cramped into tiny
spaces. She also made a joke about how some
alumni come to visit and said they remember a
lot of mud at Stony Brook and how there is still
mud now. President Kenny was referring to
beautifucking the campus with the new
entrance. The entrance was unnecessary and she
jokes about these things like it is so fucking
funny. Students are pissed. Parents are pissed.
Alumni are probably pissed as well. These are
the people investing money into this school and
i n s t e a d o f using our money and resources to
help out the students; it’s used needlessly for a
new entrance.
President Kenny continuously talks
about how many millions we make in fundrais-
ing and donations and how we are building
alliances with corporations. Wow, I didn’t real-
ize we had so much money and yet our students
see none of it. In most other schools, the stu-
dents are their priority. I’m into my third year
and I have yet to see the school care about their
WE WERE MOST INTERESTED IN WHAT KENNY students. Instead of spending those millions of SHIRLEY STRUM,
HAD TO SAY, dollars into a new entrance, how about lowering ALWAYS HAPPY TO SEE THE PRESS
Courtesy of Rob Pearsall the laundry machine prices or making it one Courtesy of Rob Pearsall

Current Events Page 5


Editorials
Editorial Board
And in the Center Ring!
Executive Editor
Rob Pearsall
This last USG Senate meeting was boring. The Tempore. Luckily they didn’t decide on having two.
Managing Editor senators kept coming into the room well after it start- The running was between Aryeh Glas and Amy
Jowy Romano ed. There was no quorum until around 7:20pm.. Dr. Wisnoski. Aryeh stumbled through his speech and
Baigent was a guest speaker. He arrived late and left tripped over his words whenever Samuel Darguin called
Associate Editor early after fielding the vacuum of questions from the out the time. Amy was well spoken, eloquent even. She
Joan Leong senate. didn’t have a piece of paper to guide her, she knew what
In order to run for the senate you need to get she was doing wh en she went up to the podium to speak.
Business Manager signatures, lots of them. You need to do the leg work Amy should have won by a landslide. A relative land-
Melanie Donovan involved in talking to people and co nvincing them to slide, there were only 12 voters there. Aryeh’s friend
vote for you. Why didn’t anyone ask Dr. Baigent about piped up about how Aryeh’s speech was informative and
Production Manager their job here? Why didn’t they ask him about h i s j o b well put and all-around grand. He w a s f e l l a t i n g h i s
Michael Prazak here? Here we have a guest speaker and no one in the buddy. Justice Alex Borodkin went to t h e p o d i u m a n d
elected senate wants to ask him a question. threw her support for Aryeh. Two people threw their
News Editors Next up in the agenda for the night was an elec- support to Amy.
Claudia Toloza tion for the Sergeant at Arms. Last year there was only The votes came in an we the new President Pro-
David “Knockout” Ginn one Sergeant at Arms. He was up for re-election. Before Tempore is...Aryeh Glas with an 8 to 4 victory! Senator
the voting there was a motion to have two people in the Glas has the position now and he better do a good job.
Features Editor position of Sergeant at Arms. There’s no more reason So in short, the Senate meeting gave us two
Nicole L Barry for two than there is for one. The idea of having two Sergeants with pride intact. We got a President Pro-
people in the position is not a bad idea. The air in room Tempore who, although qualified, shouldn’t have his
Photo Editor was, “Let’s have two people in the position because p o s i t i o n . A n d a p a r t i a l l y e m p t y a n d s l i g h t l y t a r d y s e n-
Matt Willemain there are two people running. Everyone leaves happy.” ate body.
Vincent Michael Festa That’s a bad idea. The government should be making Let’s see what happens during the next two
decisions based on what’s right, not based on who’s meetings. Let us all hope that this was just people re-
Copy Editors walking away dissatisfied. adjusting to school. Let’s hope it’s not a taste of apathy
Stephanie Hayes The next vote was to decide the President Pro- to come.
Laura Positano
Andrew Pernick

Minister of Archives A Valuable Life Lesson: Don’t Take


Your Friends For Granted
Joe Rios

Web Master
Chris Williams
I’m actually an introverted loner by nature, could truly understand what she was going through,
but one day I reached into my pants, found my balls, as I had never experienced the kind of loss she’d
and marched down to the Union Basement, Suite suffered, but nevertheless, I tried my best to be
0 6 0 . . .T h e S t o n y B r o o k P r e s s. I i m m e r s e d m y s e l f i n there for her in her time of need. Because that’s
Staff t h e w o r l d o f T h e P r e s s, a n d i n t h e e n d I g a i n e d s o m e what friends do, right? I feel our friendship is all
Matthew Augustine Ian Rice of the best friends I will ever have. My experience the better for our giving each other whatever moral
Jacquie Bachman Justin Rowe doing work there led me to solidify my interest in support we can, then as well as now.
James Blonde Tiffany Russo journalism as a career choice, too. For someone who Times like these really let you know if your
Ben Bravmann “Joey Batz” for years had isolated himself from new people and friends are being true to you, and if they really
Philip Camacho Safdia new experiences out of cynicism and apathy, this value you as a person. Unfortunately, not everybody
Sarah Cassone Natalie Schultz was a new and exiting time for me. has it in them to stay true to their family or friends,
Willy Cibinskas Tom Senkus But some of the most important lessons of life whether because of apathy or fear or just plain self-
Tom Clark Jorge Sierra came to me after I graduated--in order to keep your absorbedness. Both my aforementioned friend and
Juliet DiFrenza Adina Silverbush
friends, you have to be proactive and actually w o r k myself learned this the hard way. It’s easy to hang
Mike “Bublz” Fabbri Christine Tanaka
Joe Filippazzo Amberly
to keep them. To be blunt, you have to give a damn out with people and shoot the breeze and have a few
Rob Gilheany Timperio or they won’t give a damn about you. I made myself laughs, but it‘s not nearly as easy to actually build
Sam Goldman Lena Tumasyan p r o m i s e t h a t I w o u l d wo r k t o k e e p t h e m . A n d i n d e e d a m e a n i n g f u l r e l a t i o n s h i p . . . o r m a i n t a i n t h a t r e l a-
Tara Lynn Groth Marcel Votlucka I have. I still visit T h e P r e s s to do production work tionship.
Paula Guy Brian Wasser and I enjoy the chance to see my friends, as I live far Like I said before,in order to keep your
Jackie Hayes Meri Wayne away and can’t see them every day anymore. friends, you have to give a damn about them or they
Adam Kearney Morgan Wilding But the most important thing about a strong won’t give a damn about you.
“The Count” LeComte Brian Wong friendship is not necesarily how often you see them Take it from me; I’ve spent most of my life as
Antony Lin Jessica Worthington o r h o w m u c h f u n t h e y a r e t o b e a r o u n d , b u t r a t h e r , a loner, and if nothing else, that experience has
Seth Maggiore Ed Zadorozny
being supportive of them in bad times as well as taught me to avoid taking friendshp for granted.
John Mascher
Jamie Mignone
good. And now I pass this lesson on to you, dear reader,
Ali Nazir I c a n p e r s o n a l l y a t t e s t to t h i s ; o n e o f m y with the hope you will apply it to your own life.
Mike Nevradakis f r i e n d s r e c e n t l y w e n t t h r o u g h a n e m o t i o n a l l y d r a i n- Apathy is a bitch, and it will only bring you to a
Jason Ng ing week over some difficult family business, and pace of loneliness, bitterness, and disappointment.
Rachel Eagle Reiter she was very depressed. Now, there was no way I
The Stony Brook Press is published fortnightly during the academic year and Wanna Know Where You Can Stick Your Opinions?
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(631) 632-4137 Voice

Page 6 Editorials
Letters
Wool Over Your Eyes Is Fuzzy and Warm
To the Editor:

The SUNY tuition plan for Automatic Annual Tuition Increases is bad news for students and their families.

For one, New York public college students are already paying one of the highest tuitions in the nation and any further increases would con-
tinue to increase that cost.

S e c o n d , t h e r e i s a b s o l u t e l y n o g u a r a n t e e t h a t s t u d e n t s a n d f a m i l i e s w i l l o n l y s e e s m a l l e r , a n n u a l i n c r e a s e s . I n o t h e r s t a t e s th a t s u p p o s e d l y
i n d e x t h e i r t u i t i o n , d u r i n g y e a r s o f f i s c a l a u s t e r i t y s t u d e n t s s t i l l g e t b i g , w h o p p i n g t u i t i o n h i k e s a b o v e a n d b e y o n d t h e a n n u al , a u t o m a t i c i n c r e a s-
es. This could happen in New York too. Community college funding shows that the state already has set a bad precedent for following its own rules.
Each year, the state is supposed to fund at least 40% of the community college budget and tuition is supposed to make up no more than one-third of
t h e t o t al b u d g et . Each y ear , t h e l eg i sl at u r e si mp l y o v er r i d es this clause and is able to increase tuition more and provide less state fu n d i n g . Th er e
is nothing stopping them from doing the same thing with the four-year colleges, even under these plans.

A n y k i n d o f t u i t i o n i n c r e a s e , w h e t h e r i t i s a m a s s i v e increase like the $950 hike that SUNY students got in 2003 or annual in c re a s e s l i k e t h e
ones being proposed by the State Senate, shifts the burden to fund New York’s public colleges and universities away from the state and onto the backs
of students.

Most importantly, this is not the right way to generate revenue for SUNY. In the past ten years, we have seen the cost of higher education sky-
r o c k e t w h i l e s t a t e s u p p o r t f o r h i g h e r e d u c a t i o n h a s r e m a i n e d s t a g n a n t . I t s e e m s l i k e t h e m o r e t h e s t u d e n t s p a y , t h e l e s s t h e st a t e e x p e n d s , a n d t h e
further the burden shifts. This plan simply lets the state off the hook and digs deeper into New York college families’ pockets.

INDEX
Please urge the Governor and Legislature to block this plan and any other plan that looks to
tuition as a first resort rather than a last option for solving New York’s fiscal woes. Its passage
would ensure continued skyrocketing costs for students and their families for many years to come.
You can start by attending NYPIRG’s General Interest Meeting on Wednesday, September 28th at
1pm in the SB Union Ballroom. Next, attend the Public Hearing on the Future of Public Higher
Education in New York, hosted by the New York State Senate and Assembly, schedu led to be held
here at Stony Brook University on Thursday, October 6th from 9am until 3pm, location TBA. Tell
Gaza!a!Go!Go Page " your state representatives that you’re not buying it. Automatic Annual Tuition Increases are
harmful to students and their families and therefore harmful to the future of New York. Let your
voice be heard.

Recall Bush! Page " For more information contact your local chapter of NYPIRG at 632-6457 or email at stony-
brook@nypirg.org.

Respectfully submitted,
Kate Contino
Jet Blue Fiasco page # NYPIRG Project Coordinator

Crisis In Iraq Page $


Dear Kate,
Thank you for bringing this to our attention. The failure of the state to find other sources

Amberly Jane ! Pages


of school funding is atrocious. Pushing students to pay more than their third only keeps less
affluent students from attending college.
You can bet your meal plan that we’ll be there on Thursday. By holding the hearing after
"% & "& such a long break it seems that they’re banking on students not being at school. Less students
means less of our voice being heard, whatever voice that might be.
We’re Sick Fucks ! Page #' Everyone should join T h e P r e s s and NYPIRG on October 6th.

-Rob Pearsall, Executive Editor

AA!Ezine Page #%

Letters Page 7
Sororities - The Real Story
By Louisa Johnson
As an active sorority sister, I have always Incidentally, I got an A in the class. I t ’ s i n t e r- for any number of things, including the parties
been amazed at the amount of public interest in esting to me that sorority girls are labeled as w e at t e n d , t h e s u p p l i e s w e u s e i n o u r f u n d r a i s-
t h e “ b e h i n d - t h e - s c e n e s ” s t o r y o f G r e e k o r g a n i- mean, bitchy girls who drink too much, sleep ers and charity events, and “sister” events
z a t i o n s . I r e c e n t l y r e a d Pledged, A l e x a n d r a around, use drugs, and look down on others. ( p i c n i c s , t r i p s , e t c . ) . M a n y c l u bs and organi-
Robbins’ look at sorority life, and I was sur- Based on that stereotype, it seems that the zations require its members to pay dues,
prised at her failure to distinguish between sorority girls are the ones who get judged. including honor societies. The only difference
p r o b l e m s t h a t a r i s e w i t h i n s o r o r i t i e s a n d p r o b- Also interesting is the fact that, in my time as is that honor societies endure far less scrutiny
lems that arise within colleges. For example, a sorority girl, I’ ve helped raise thousands of for it than sororities and fraternities. For that
she claimed that members of sororities were dollars for different charities. If one thousand m a t t e r , I p a y t o a t t e n d t h i s u n i v e r s i t y . Does
g u i l t y o f “ b i n g e d r i n k i n g . ” T h i s i s t r u e , I c a n- non-Greek college students were polled, I guar- that mean that any friends I make within th e
not deny it. Sorority girls do partake in binge antee that almost none of them would be able to university are, in fact, paid employees.
d r i n k i n g . So do frat guys, jocks, TAs, RAs, name two charity events that they had taken Then, of course, there’s the issue of haz-
chemistry majors, members of honor societies, part in during their college years. i n g . This is the one aspect of Greek life that I
a n d p r o b a b l y s o m e p r o f e s s o r s . Let’s face facts: Sororities aren’t perfect by any stretch of can’t excuse, but I will say this. My pledge
a lot of people drink in college. S h e r e p o r t s process was hard, but I never fe lt d emean ed i n
that many sorority girls do drugs. Drugs are a any way. This is how all pledge processes
serious problem in colleges across the country, s h o u l d b e . I don’t condone violence or enforce
a n d I s e r i o u s l y d o u b t t h a t s o r o r i t y g i r l s r e p r e- drinking as a part of the process. When I
sent the majority of the college-age, drug-using “When there are that crossed into my sorority, I was overjoyed, and I
p o p u l a t i o n . Ms. Robbins noted that eating dis- felt tha t I had grown so much as a person. I f e l t
orders were very common in sororities. Again, many vaginas in an more independent, more secure, and more capa-
I think that eating disorders are probably very ble.
common in college girls in general. S o r o r i t y enclosed space, there’s I can’t believe that there are so many
girls really aren’t any different from any other stereotypes surrounding Greek organizations.
college girl, but they certainly undergo more bound to be trouble.” Some of the greatest artists, thi n k e r s , a n d l e a d-
scrutiny, which is possibly why they look so ers were Greek. Ella Fitzgerald, Maya Angelou,
bad. George Washington, and Martin Luther King, Jr.
Sorority girls are often portrayed as were all Greek. M a r t i n L u t h e r K i n g , J r . i s
alpha-girls, mean and judgmental, laughing at t h e w o r d . T h e r e a r e catfights, bitchiness, com- known for his contribution to the civil rights
the fat girls, and never dating anyone who isn’t petition, and meanness. As one of my sisters movement, not his great beer pong ability. E l l a
the star of the lacrosse team, or, at the very once said: “When there are that many vaginas in Fi t zgera l d i s know n for her l i q u i d v o i c e a n d
l e a s t , i n a f r a t e r n i t y . However, this is not my an enclosed space, there’s bound to be trouble.” incredible stage presence, not for her keg-
e x p e r i e n c e . I have met many, many sorority The bitchiness that sorority girls are famous s t a n d t i m e . I do believe most of the stereo-
girls, and, for the most part, they seemed to be for have very little to do with sororities and types associated with sororities are unfounded,
strong, unique, intelligent women, who joined more to do with girls. As any girl knows, most and I do think that we are underestimated as
an organization to make some friends, meet girls don’t really like girls, and most girls h u m a n b e i n g s . I credit some of my very best
some new people, and to have a sense of home don’t get along. Yes, there is tension some- friends, whom I do consider my sisters, to the
away from home. I have yet to meet the stereo- times, but it’s a girl thing, not a sorority thing. fact that I pledged my sorority. Through the
typical sorority chick. It always surprises me One major criticism of Greek organiza- sorority, I have gotten to know some of the most
to hear people say that they feel judged by tions is the fact that we pay dues in order to be intelligent, unique, and driven women I have
sorority girls, because, truthfully, I have often active members of our organizations. Some ever met. They have broken the stereotypes
felt judged for the fact that I’m i n a s o r o r i t y . I people consider this “paying for friends.” a n d l i v e d w i t h s c r u t i n y a n d j u d g m e n t . I have
once walked into a 300-level philosophy class T h i s i d e a is ridiculous, of course, because the no doubt that there are future senators, singers,
on the first day of class and was actually dues go to the treasury, not to the girls. I don’t movie stars, and CEOs among us, and I can’t wait
laughed at b y t h e o t h e r s t u d e n t s . I s n ’ t t h a t pay each of my sisters a specific amount every to see how far my bitchy, judgmental, alcoholic,
w h a t t h e s o r o r i ty g i r l s a r e s u p p o s e d t o d o ? semester in order to keep them as friends. The drug-addicted, bed-hopping sisters can go.
Laugh at the people who don’t fit in? money I pay goes to the treasury, which pays

The Crisis In Iraq


By Madeline Sheckter
When the war in Iraq began, a bunch of against Shiite Muslims, perhaps the most shock- had a point about that, too. See the groovy thing
aging hippies starting running around calling it ing of which occurred on September 14t h. T h i s about invading a country is that the people who
“Vietnam all over again.” They had a point. Not attack was perpetrated by a group of men live there don’t like it. Actually, the people
that soy ice cream is good, because it’s disgust- dressed as soldiers driving military vehicles. who live here don’t like it either, but no one lis-
ing, but that we’ve gotten ourselves into a war we T h e y a r r e s t e d 1 7 p e o p l e a n d s h o t t h e m i n a p u b- tened to us, or England, or any other country
can’t get out of for no good reason. Of course lic square. This group of men either were sol- when we staged what was called “the largest war
Saddam Hussein was a tyrant, children and d i e r s o r a b l e t o c o n v i n c i n g l y i m p e r s o n a t e s o l- protest in history.” The reason Iraqis resent
small dogs know that, but he didn’t have diers, neither of which is a comfortin g thought. our invasion so much, or at least the reason
w e a p o n s o f m a s s d e s t r u c t i o n a n d c e r t a in l y w a s While it had ten times fewer casualties than Fatih Abdulsalam gives, is that they are paying
not involved in September 11t h. A good portion many of the bombing attacks, it was done by men with their blood. Choosing a side is not a diffi-
of Americans think he was involved in w h o l o o k ed like soldiers, could pass for soldiers cult matter; do you side with foreigners who
S e p t e m b e r 1 1t h, b u t a g o o d p o r t i o n o f and were probably able to leave Taji unmolest- have turned the structure of the country
Americans think soy ice cream is tasty. ed. upside-down or with those who want them out?
So what the fuck’s going on in Iraq? It H a p p i l y , s h o r t l y a f t e r t h e t w o m o s t b r u- Iraqi citizens see the repercussions of our war
has become a bloodbath, with car bombs, suicide tal days since the start of the war, the Iraqi against whatever-you’ve-got everyday, it is
bombs and drive-by shootings providing a Parliament signed a constitution. Now all they obv ious that whatever happens it will not be
bloody backdrop for Hurricane Katrina. Last have to do is print up five million copies of it, favorable for Iraq. Those who pay for the bomb-
week, approximately 300 people were killed in and it should be printed and distributed by i n g s a r e i n n o c e n t I r a q i c i t i z e n s , n o t t h e t e r r o r-
a series of deadl y attacks. Most of the casual- S e p t e m b e r 2 8t h. T h i s m e a n s t h a t P a r l i a m e n t ists we are supposed to be fighting.
ties have been innocent Iraqi citizens trying to m e t t h e i r O c t o b e r 1 5t h deadline; I mean “con- Naturally, we realize this, which is why
put in a day’s work. Many of the victims were stitutional referendum” which outlines how the we’re making more terrorists. According to a
police, which should make one doubt President democracy they didn’t technically, actually, S e p t e m b e r 1 8t h survey, the Saudi contingent of
Jalal Talabani’s assertion that 40,000 to 50,000 technically speaking, want. Unfortunately, i n s u r g e n t s i n I r a q w a s m a d e u p o f w e l l - e d u c a t-
American troops could return home by the end later that very day, a Kurdish member of ed, employed, middle class men. The majority of
of this year. It is clear that while Iraq is Parliament, Faris Nasir Hussein, his brother those interviewed claimed not to have been ter-
rebuilding an infrastructure, it is still fucked. and driver were shot by an unidentified man. rorist sympathizers before the war; indeed, 85%
I used a thesaurus; the only word for it is The war on terror does not appear to be of those interrogated were not on militant watch
fucked. going very well, but that’s what happens when lists. If there was any proof needed that fight-
The majority of the attacks have been you try to fight a war against hate. The hippies
Continued on next page
Page 8 Current Events
Oh Yeah, Bitch?
By Kristine Renigen
So, I came across an article about Greek A question was also raised by that jerk brothers and sisters. But, just because they all
life in last week’s issue of T h e P r e s s. I have to about the pledging process. Why would true have created a special bond and they belong to a
say that I was quite pissed. Did this guy know friends humiliate you in front of so many p eo- specific organization it doesn’t mean that they
what he was writing about? Well personally, I p l e i n o r d e r f o r y o u t o c r o s s i n t o t h e i r o r g a n i- avoid their old friends entirely. That’s now what
don’t think Mr. J Safdia did. I suggest that zation? Well, my friend, here’s what I have to it’s all about. It’s a club. It’s and organization.
instead of telling freshman to think twice before say about that. First, understand what a rumor Just like people work for The Press or play on
joining a fraternity or sorority he should think is. Sure, I’ll believe the things that you have the Rugby team. They all share something in
twice before writing about something that con- seen with your own eyes, but the other stuff I common, but they don’t leave out the friends
t r a d i c t s h i s m a i n p o i n t i n t h e l as t f e w c l o s i n g won’t unless told by a primary source. Second, I they have outside those clubs. I know plenty of
paragraphs of his statement. Of course, every- see the hazing process as a test and life chang- people that have kept their old friends after
one is entitled to his or her own opinion. That is ing experience. If you can go through the stress they’ve crossed. Th at jerk mentioned people no
why I’m writing this article in response to the and humiliation they put you through, then you longer being friends with their high school
crap I read last week. But when you do state can learn to go through other pressures you may buddies after crossing. People drift apart from
your opinion, at least stick to it until the very come across in the future. They may not prepare their high school friends regardless. That’s
end, because you’ll just wind up sounding stu- you for the serious, dramatic traumas that may when you realize who your true friends are.
pid. happen in one’s life but god forbid that ever And not even that, people just grow apart
The first judgment made by Mr. Safdia (I happens to someone that’s what the brothers and because they no longer have anything in com-
will now refer to him as “jerk” throughout the mon. It’s a way of life my friend.
rest of the ar ticle), was that people who join fra- Now, I’ve made my argument against Mr.
ternities or sororities are those that were Safdia’s about the friendships a n d t h e h a zi n g .
labeled as “popular” back in high school to This doesn’t mean I don’t like that jerk. I’m just
boost up their low self-esteem and need to con-
“... if I had any balls t al ki ng about hi s art i c l e i n ge ner a l . H e d i d m a k e
tinue that elite status throughout their college
career. A little jealous jerk? Maybe you are the
pl eas e s uck t hem now . some positive points about fraternities and
s o r o r i t i e s , b u t h e m e n t i o n e d t h a t o n l y a m i n o r-
one that is seeking some attention. Well, honey,
you’ve definitely got my attention including all
Suck them long and ity of the groups make a positive contribution to
the society. Well, honey I’m sorry to say but
those that are in the Greek organizati ons. I have
three family members that belong in a sorority
suck them hard.” e v e r y Greek organization makes a positive con-
tribution to the society because philanthropy is
and they are the sweetest, kindest, smartest a requirement. So , why shouldn’t they wear
people I know. Two of them have grown to be very their letters with pride? That doesn’t mean they
happy and successful after they left college and put their organization before anything else.
they are still close to their sisters. The third sister are there for if that ever happens. Third, They’re just dedicated like anyo n e i n a n y c l u b ,
one joined last year and has not changed since. when you experience the stress they put you team, or organization. Did you know that just
She is still the kind, smart, and charming girl I through you are not alone. You are with the l i k e s p o r t s t e a m s y o u ’ r e r e q u i r e d t o h a v e a c e r-
grew up with. Yes, these are my family mem- m a n y o th e r s t h a t a r e t r y i n g t o c r o s s w i t h y o u tain GPA in order to stay in the group? Mhmm,
bers. So, of cou rse I’ll think they’re great any- and that’s how the brotherhood and sisterhood yes, it’s true. So, they don’t ignore the fact that
how, right? Well, just to let you know I know forms. You bond and help each other out while school is important. It is why we are here in the
plenty more that are not in my family. I know your true self naturally comes out due to the first place.
lots of fraternity brothers that are nothing like pressures forced upon you. These activities, I hope I made my point clear, unlike that
those you see in movies or on television. In fact, although they may sound stupid and immature, jerk did in his article. It’s 4 in the morning, I’m
they are the sweetest guys I’ve ever met. They help you learn about yourself and others. Also, tired and I’m going to end things with just one
made me realize that there are plenty of guys to put it out there, I know for a fact that you more thing.
out there that really know how to respect a girl. don’t need to be in a frat or sorority to make a Mr. Safdia, if I had any balls, please
I know it may sound funny to a few people, but fool out of yourself. My best friend and I do it suck them now. Suck them long and suck them
it’s true! My suitemate is in a sorority and my all the time to amuse ourselves. hard because at least I’d enjoy that rather than
best friend/ roommate and I agree that she is Ever wonder why all those frat boys and reading your article. But don’t take this offen-
the sweetest and most tolerant suitemate we’ve sorority girls look so happy? No, those smiles sively, for as you’d say, I’m not against you, I’m
had because others would just slam the door on and laughs are not results of the world revolv- o n l y a g ai n s t y o u r a r t i c l e i n g e n i t a l .
us if they saw us walking around like idiots ing around them. It’s the result of the support
dressed in drag or other absurd things. given by their friends or as we like to call them,

The Crisis In Iraq


By Madeline Sheckter
record-low approval ratings,
Continued from previous page along with the gruesome
ing a war against terror is only going to make week in Iraq that preceded
more terrorists, there it is, Reuters got it. Also, it. America is now stuck
i t t u r n s o u t t h a t t h e f o r e i g n e l e m e n t s o f i n s u r- b e t w e e n a rock and another
gency are actually way smaller than everyone goddamn rock, we need to get
was led to believe. US officials “overstated” the out of Iraq but we’ve already
amount of foreigners fighting in Iraq, which is done so much damage that we
d i p l o m a t f o r “ t r i e d t o m a k e p e o p l e t h i n k i t w a s- can’t. Bombings and drive-
n’t really the Iraqis who wanted the U.S. to get by shootings have become
out, but a bunch of other guys.” In reality, at common, resulting in
most 10% of insurgents are foreign. America turning back to the
In light of the past bloody week in Iraq, war we’ve been trying to
t h e H u r r i c a n e K a t r i n a t r a g e d y a n d t h e i m p e n d- ignore for two bloody (adj,
ing Hurricane Rita tragedy, Americans have n o t s l a n g ) y e a r s . T h e i n s u r-
begun to rethink our involvement in Iraq en gency is escalating; it is not
masse. Support for the war has fallen to an all- going to go away. The Iraq
time low according to The New York Times. More w a r i s a mi s t ake and Bus h i s
Americans are “concerned” with the $5 billion s p e n d i n g too much time and
s p e n t e a c h m o n t h i n I ra q , w h i c h s e e m s l i k e a n money on it, not to mention
understatement. Concerned? Ought to be lives – those of Americans
pissed. Do they even know how many Hermes and Iraqis. It is revolting,
bags you could buy with that kind of money? Or but as my grandmother used I WONDER WHAT HE’S THINKING, I WONDER IF FAITH IS GOING TO
you could just put it in a piggy bank and pay off to say, “honestly, the fuck’d PULL US OUT OF IRAQ, I WONDER IF FAITH WILL PREVENT CIVIL WAR.
the $333 billion deficit. The president can you think was gonna hap- I WONDER IF HE JUST HAS SOME BAD GAS...
thank his pathetic handling of Katrina for his pen?” Courtesy of bad-gas-producing food

Current Events Page 9


Pushing Extinction
By Tiffany Russo
On September 22, the House Resources Fish and Wildlife Service on the problem of so for a more detailed analysi s s e e t h e 3 , 5 0 0
Committee voted 26-12 to send “The Threatened overturned decisions by political appointees, word study recently released by The National
and Endangered Species Act of 2005” bill to the 73% of them knew cases in which U.S. Center for Public Policy Research, but my main
House floor for review. If approved and then Department of Interior political appointees concern is to point out that this issue is vital to
implemented this bill would make the biggest injected themselves into ecological issues which the lives of individuals throughout many
changes to the Endangered Species Act since its should have been determined by employees of species, some of which most have not and may
drafting 32 years ago. The primary writer of the FWS only. At their website you can also never see. I am not opposed to reform for ESA,
this draft, Republican Representative Richard read example of this devious tactic, where, for but I am certainly not in favor of giving the
Pombo, claims that the reforming of the act ex amp l e , second groups of “scient ists” are set states the choice in determining which species
wou ld help to fix many of its conflicts with out to review and study work done by accredit- deserve protection, I am not in favor of creating
landowners, who complain that the act restricts ed scientists, which are done in half the time a bill that would make some lands impossible to
use of their private property. In an attempt to and come up with totally opposite conclusions secure for protected areas and instead ask for
slow Pombo’s race to the finish line, many envi- w h e r e r e commendations of habitat protection recommendations on special areas with no force
ronmental groups, scientists, Democrats and 23 are shot down and deemed unnecessary. Now of or pressure. I am not saying that the act does
House Republicans have voiced concerns to their course there are two, three, ten, sides to every not need to be revised, because it does. When
peers asking them to slow the reform process for story, but it is important in this case to set bias you have lan downers so determined to keep
this bill, stating that the bill is complicated and aside and try to review some of the bill’s major t h e i r p r o p e r t y t h a t t h e y a r e p r e e m p t i v e l y s t e r-
critical. changes. ilizing their lands to make certain no rare
Since the proposed changes could mean plants of animals live their or would be able to
life or death to many species listed and waiting live there, you have a problem. Since, unfortu-
to be listed, I think this request should be taken nately, animals are forced to step aside as peo-
seriously. This, however, was impossible for me ple multiply and spread across their home
to do when reading, on Pombo’s webpage, his ranges, it is our responsibility to make sure
speech introducing his bill. Calling supporters everything is being done to protect them. Even
of the Endangered Species Act (ESA) of 1973 if that means giving private property owners
“groupies,” stating “ESA is still stuck in 1973, grants, monetary or land reimbursements, and
wearing leisure suits, mood rings and collecting apologies.
p e t r o c k s , ” and calling the ESA regulations an My only question though is where do we
“Iron Curtain” is certainly not what I would get the money from? Even more money will need
expect in a serious speech on a bill which could to be found since another provision sets to make
decide the fate of several species (and, may I taxpayers responsible for paying developers
ask, what the heck does the ESA have to do with and hunting fans to follow ESA regulations. It
communism?). is obvious that not enough funding and time is
He goes on to say “To help demonstrate going into ESA, but funding, time and, for that
what some have called their “blind faith” in this mat t er, i s s ues of i mport anc e t o p r o p e r t y o w n-
law, opponents of change may even go so far as ers, never were the main concern for the propo-
to tell you that species with designated critical nents of revision. If improvement were the end
habitats are more likely to be improving, even result of the proposal, and if the ESA were truly
though the official position of the Service, in anachronistic, there wouldn’t be such an outcry
successive administrations, both Democrat and against the revisions. What many people fail to
Republican, is that 30 years of critical habitat HOUSE RESOURCES COMMITTEE CHAIR POMBO, u n d e r s t a n d i s t h a t t h e l o g i s t i c s o f e n v i r o n m e n-
h a s d o n e v e r y l i t t l e . ” HUH? According to the Courtesy of www.MamboPombo.tv tal law are only as they can be, such that the
non-profit group Environmental Defense, “A goal is of utmost concern. When toxic waste is
peer-reviewed analysis, posted on the web site First, and most important to many of the found on a property, it is cleaned up first, and
of the scientific journal Ecology Letters, con- proponents for this bill, is the increased i s s u e s o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y a r e s o r t e d o u t a f t e r-
cludes that mor e than 50% of U.S. species listed involvement of the private property owner in wards.
as endangered before 2000, and almost two- d e c i s i o n s m a d e a b o u t l a n d / h a b i t a t c o n s e r v a- Likewise, as cliché as it sounds, extinc-
thirds of species listed for 13 or more years, tion. According to Pombo, “90% of all endan- tion is forever. These revisions don’t seem to
have stabilized or are improving. F u r t h e r , g e r e d s p e c i e s i n A m e r i c a h a v e h a b i t a t o n p r i- respect that. The bottom line is, what more are
species whose recovery efforts received signif- vate land.” Shouldn’t that read “Americans we going to expect animals to sacrifice for our
icant funding are more likely to be improving.” have their private lands on the habitat grounds own benefit? We have already taken their land,
You say tomato, they say tomoto? Maybe of 90% of now endangered species?” You don’t their meat, and their health, should we tak e
d r a m a t i c r e s u l t s f o r t h e c o n s e r v a t i o n o f e n d a n- need to be a rocket scientist to have figured out their existence too?
gered species is not being seen because there by now that we were not here first!
are less speci es being listed, since according to Next, the reformed bill seeks to make
the executive vice president of the Defenders of greater distinctions between “threatened” and
Wildlife Committee on Senate Environment and “endangered” species. Under the current ESA,
Public Works Subcommittee, under Bush’s lead- both labels receive similar attention with
ership less than 10 species per year have been r e g a r d s t o s e c u r i n g c r i t i c a l h a b i t a t d e s i g n a-
added to the list, despite the fact that around tions, federal consultations, and funding.
286 species await protection, compared to the Pombo’s provision would allow plans for threat-
recent administrations of Reagan, 32 species ened species to be made on a case-by-case basis,
per year, Bush Sr. 58 per year, and Clinton, 65 and thus making protections not required. This
per year. Also under this administration, the would not only be hard to keep track of, but
Department of Defense was made exempt from w o u l d j u st cause threatened species to fall into
some Endangered Species Act requirements for the category of endangered. Luckily this provi-
military training exercises, even though there s i o n w a s modified by Rep. Mark Udall, a
is no record that any of the ESA requirements Democrat from Colorado, putting threatened
are actually obstructing military duties or species under the same recommendations as
national security. endangered. Revisions also call for more state
So my question is, what do the govern- and local involvement, allowing them to decide
ment and politicians gain out of all this and whether or not to follow ESA recommendations.
would it explain why, when I Google searched O t h e r c o mplaints of the present ESA is that
this topic, most of the articles in favor of the property owners are not notified in a decent
reformed bill were from the point of view of amount of time about what changed they had to
business, industrial, and conservative web make to their land if it was also home to a list-
pages? Doing a more peer-reviewed, and in ed species. New provisions have made the dead-
d e p t h s e a r c h , I f i n a l l y f o u n d t h e s c i e n t i f i c a r t i- line for the Department of Interior to give
cles, which as you may have guessed had many building plans to land owners 180 days. So,
other things to say. It is also interesting to note hopefully they aren’t too busy.
that when the non profit group Union of There are many other amendments and
Concerned Scientists surveyed employees of the provisions to be reviewed in this 73 page draft,

Page 10 Current Events


What Controversy?
By Rachel Eagle Reiter
I am not a scientist. I am not a medical T h e y s p e n d t h e i r e x i s t e n c e k e e p i n g t h e h u m a n each mistake there exists the possibility for
doctor. I am not hip on legal terminology. I b o d y i n h o m e o s t a s i s . W h i l e c e r t a i n i n d i v i d u a l s cures. Have a microscopic amount of confidence
haven’t been following every wave of change in waver over whether it is ethical or not to take i n m e d i c a l r e s e a r c h s c i e n t i s t s , t h a t t h e i r i n t e n-
political policy. I am not dying of a deadly dis- the life of a cell, patients at the point of des- tions are to find cures in the mo s t e t h i c a l , p o s-
ease. No one in my family is dying of a deadly p e r a t i o n a r e b e i n g d e p r i v e d o f p o t e n t i a l c u r e s sible way, taking everything into account,
disease. Whether or not stem cells are for their illnesses. including the integrity of their research as well
r e s e a r c h e d d o e s n o t c u r r e n t l y a f f e c t m y p e r s o n- I do not deem it ethical to give a living as the necessity to discover cures for diseases
a l l i f e . I a m w r i t i n g t h i s a r t i c l e i n c o n s i d e r a- cel l mo r e rights than living human beings. It that rob individuals of their health, stamina and
t i o n o f t h o s e i n d i v i d u- isn’t humane to give a cell vitality. It is only unethical to deprive the ill
als who dwell in hospi- the right to life, but deny and dying of cures. Let’s consider that right to
tal beds and remain thinking, feeling, suffering life.
determined to live people the hope for cures. The ill expect their physicians to do
because each breath Stem cell research offers ill everything in their power to se e t h a t t h e y g e t
that they breathe is a and dying patients hope for w e l l a g a i n , b u t a r e t h e i r f a m i l y m e m b e r s p r o-
breath of hope for a relief from their suffering. moting the medical research that gives hope for
cure. Also, I am con- W e h a v e e x i t ed t h e d a r k c u r e s ? I f n o t , t h a n i t i s u n f o r t u n a t e t h a t p h y s i-
sidering how a change ages. Now, in the 21st cen- cians’ hands are tied by laws – laws that limit
in policy will affect tury, potentially an age of medical research due to the stem cell research
medical care for future s c i e n t i f i c p r o g r e s s , r e l i- controversy.
generations. gious leaders would still What controversy? The cells are being
Government attempt to keep scientists thrown away. Opposing stem cell research is
officials are facing r e s t r a i n e d b y s e l f - r i g h t- the equivalent to taking the stand that stem
pressure to make legal eous reigns. Scientific cells belong in trash receptacles rather than in
decisions, the outcomes progress can not and will the hands of scientists. Such a waste , such a
of which will either n o t b e h e l d b a c k b y r e l i- f a i l u r e t o r e c y c l e s u c h a n i n d i s p e n s a b l e , p r i c e-
transform medical care gious forces that would hin- less, specimen of research is a crime that makes
or put limitations on it. der the freedom of research. p u t t i n g a n e m p t y s o d a b o t t l e i n a t r a s h r e c e p t a-
To research or not to I t c o n c e r n s m e t h a t t h e s u b- cle insignificant.
research the stem cell, jective opinion of religious, Will those that oppose stem cell
RON REAGAN; STEM CELL ADVOCATE
that is the question. authoritarian rulers would research claim to be more holy than those who
Courtesy of his father’s suffering
My question to you is h a v e t h e p o l i t i c a l in f l u e n c e do not oppose stem cell research? Will they
this: Should we throw to impede scientific give a cell the right to life, but deprive a think-
c u r e s a w a y ? P o t e n t i a l c u r e s f o r d i s e a s e s s u c h progress. The days of science being handi- ing, feeling, breathing human being of a cure?
as Parkinson’s, Diabetes and Alzheimer’s are capped by religion should have ended with Is the cell more valuable than t h e p e r s o n o r i s
c u r r e n t l y i n t h e w a s t e b a s k e t . S t e m c e l l s a r e reign of Queen Elizabeth, the Mother of the the person more valuable than the cell? I am
being properly disposed of because of the laws Renaissance. sorry that it is even necessary to initiate such
that limit medical scientists, restricting stem We are entering the age of stem cell questions, but the answers to these questions
cell research due to religious reasons. research. The possibilities that can come out of are the basis of the very nature of the stem cell
I respect the sanctity of human life; I s t e m - c e l l research are limitless. However, just research controversy. If we are waiting for the
believe you do, too. However, we are taking into t h e wo r d , p o s s i b i l i t y , p u t s s u c h f e a r i n t o s o m e miraculous discovery of the instance, the spark,
consideration the life of a cell, not the life of a individuals. Change is nothing to be afraid of. the beginning of what it means to be human
child. Every day, cells in your body die, but Prog ress is not to be shied away from. before stem cell research is approved of , then
you’re still o.k. Plus, nothing immoral has U n d e n i a b l y , t h e r e i s t h e c h a n c e t h a t m i s t a k e s the price may be the lives of millions of defi-
taken place. Cells give their lives to us. They m a y b e m a d e i n t h e l a b o r a t o r i e s , d u r i n g t h i s a g e nitely human entities.
are very un’cell’fish. They die so we can live. of stem cell research, but even in the midst of

Music, Politics, and Fundraising at the Wang


By Charlene Obernauer
Stony Brook students, faculty and staff m e n t a l s t a n d a r d s , a n d t h e s u s p e n s i o n o f t h e n e r c o n v e r s a t i o n s a t al m o s t e v e r y t a b l e . A f t e r
chipped in last Thursday night to raise money D a v i s - B a c o n A c t , p a s s e d i n 1 9 3 1 , w h i c h nearly an hour, Dawn Chambers, a composer,
for charities supporting victims of Hurricane r e q u i r e s c o n t r a c t o r s w i t h t h e f e d e r a l g o v e r n- singer, pianist, and one of the core organizers of
Katrina at an event organized by the Musicians’ ment to pay the prevailing wage in the region. the event, announced that the concert was about
Alliance for Peace (MAP) and the Social Justice Professor Joseph spoke of the to begin.
Alliance (SJA)—both student groups on campus. history of racism in American A jazzy song entitled,
More than just a fundraiser and concert, the domestic policy and how that “Song for Bunny,” written by
event was also designed to raise awareness history can be traced right up Martin Loyato and performed
about how factors such as race and class con- to the segregated communities by eight talented musicians
t r i b u t e d t o t h e s c a l e o f t h e d i s a s t e r a n d t h e f a i l- of New Orleans, where the was amazing, kicked off the
ure of the relief efforts poorest communities lived in music portion of the event.
The event began in the Wang Center the areas most vulnerable to Kathleen Flynn and Gabe
Theater with a panel discussion entitled flooding. He also spoke of the Shuford followed, performing
“Katrina, the Political Dimensions of a opportunity this tragedy has a harpsicord and singing duo,
Disaster.” The speakers included Professor created for Americans to talk Jason Prisett came next on
Cynthia Bogard, a professor of Sociology and about a second New Deal, classical guitar with “Koyun
director of the women studies department at referring to the jobs programs Baba,” composed by
Hofstra University, and Professor Peniel E. sponsored by the federal gov- Domenicone, and Dawn
Joseph, a professor of Africana Studies at Stony ernment as a response to the Chambers (piano), Rachel
Brook. In her talk, Prof. Bogard outlined a gen- Great Depression. Both speak- Schutz (voice), and Eric
eral trend in Bush administration policies, e r s e m p h a si z e d t h a t i t w a s u p S e w e l l ( v i o l i n ) t h e n p e r-
THE WANG CENTER,
which favor the wealthy, cut social programs to t o o r d i n a r y p e o p l e t o h o l d Courtesy of Matt Wllemain formed three songs composed
the poor, and put political loyalists in positions their politicians accountable by Denise Gilson. Malini
of power, rather than those more qualified to do to and press for politics that S r i n a v a s a n f i n i s h e d t h e p e r-
the job. She noted how, even after all of the neg- a d d r e s s e d l a r g e - s c a l e p o v e r t y a n d r a c i s m i n formance with a classical South Indian dance
ative press the Bush administration received for America. that was truly spectacular.
its response to the Hurricane, it continues to After the panel discussion, the audience The event, co-sponsored b y t h e A f r i c a n a
p u s h a d e s t ru c t i v e p o l i t i c a l a g e n d a i n t h e made its way to the food in the Wang Center Studies Department, the Office of Diversity and
reconstruction effort. Examples given were the Lobby, dining on the all-vegetarian food donat- A f f i r m a t i v e A c t i o n , t h e G r a d u a t e S t u d e n t
introduction of the school voucher system for ed by Mama’s Pizzeria in Centereach. The topic Organization (GSO) and the University Café suc-
d i s p l a c e d p e o p l e , t h e s u s p e n s i o n o f e n v i r o n- of the panel seemed to carry over into the din- c e e d e d i n r a i s i n g o v e r $ 6 0 0 f o r c h a r i t y .

Current Events Page 11


How Our Wasteful Dietary Lifestyle Helped
Katrina Kill Your Fellow Americans
By Matthew Rammelkamp
In 2004, The National Hurricane Center planet and its resources. Global meat produc- sumption may be the biggest thr e a t f o r t h e e n v i-
described the number of hurricanes and storms tion entails the torching of enormous areas of ronment and humanity in the 21st Century.
as “well above-normal activity.” Monetary dam- rainforests in the Amazon, uses about half of As the world population approaches 7
ages from these events exceeded $40 billion and the freshwater we consume, while at the same billion, and is expected to reach 10 billion by
were concentrated in Florida, which had never time being the biggest polluter of waterways, around 2060, the amount of lan d u s e d f o r a g r i-
before experienced more than three hurricanes and the bigges t source of erosion of our precious culture is going to inevitably increase.
in a single season. So far in 2005, we are only topsoil. It hasn’t always been this way. Livestock population growth rates parallel
half-way through hurricane season, and the Traditionally, farm animals have played human ones, so for every one person, three ani-
intensity and frequency of activity has well a n e s s e n t i a l r o l e i n k e e p i n g a g r i c u l t u r e e c o l o g- mals are alive at any given time, in order to pro-
exceeded expectations, including the most ically sound, by returning nutrients to soil as vide meat. Currently, one in six people go hun-
destructive hurricane in U.S. history, Katrina. manure, grazing fallow fields, and providing gry each da y, which is only going to increase as
This year also marks the earliest date on record draft power. But today, because of the vast the world population increases, and as available
by which four tropical storms formed (Arlene, growth in human meat consumption and demand land decreases.
Bret, Cindy, Dennis formed before July 5) and ( d u e t o t he exponential population explosion), The world’s last remain i n g f o r e s t s a n d
the earliest date on record by which two we have been forced to raise livestock in ways rainforests are under a great threat. According
Category 4 hurricanes occurred (Dennis formed that are beyond detrimental to Mother Nature. to Population Action International, from 1963
July 4-7; Emily formed July 10-16). Scientists In fact, the animals we raise for food may have a to 2003, an area of rainforest half the size of the
agree, the average number of hurricanes greater impact on the environment than we United States has been cleared. In that same
b et w e e n 1 9 9 5 a n d 2 0 0 5 i s u n p r e c e d e n t e d . A n humans ourselves! Livestock now outnumber time period, the ratio of overall forests to
M I T s t u d y p u b l i s h e d r e c e n t l y i n N a t u r e p r o- h u m a n s g l o b a l l y , 3 - t o - 1 , a n d t r a d i t i o n a l m e t h- humans has decreased by one h alf. This “for-
vides the first data analysis indicating that o d s o f r ai s in g ani mal s are bei ng el i mi nat ed, est-to-people” ratio, developed by Tom
tropical storms are indeed becoming more pow- replaced by “factory farming,” the process of Gardner-Outlaw and Robert Engelman, is a divi-
erful over time. confining animals by the thousands into huge sion of the country’s forest cover by its popula-
Global Warming? You bet ya - higher sheds to increase production. Factory farms are tion which helps quantify the number of people
o c e a n t e m p e r a t u r e s i n f l u e n c e t h e t r a c k s o f h u r- u su al l y o wned by a few industry conglomerates, living with current levels of forest resources.
ricanes, increasing the likelihood of hurricanes whose main goal is to increase production In their book published by Population Action
moving through the Caribbean or making land- rather than raise animals in an ecologically- I n t e r n a t i o n a l , a r a t i o n o f 0 . 1 h e c t a r e s ( a p p r o x-
fall on the U.S. east coast. It ap pears that a sustainable way. imately one quarter acre) of forest cover per
track of unusually deep and warm water led University of Georgia biologist David person is used as a c riterion to acknowledge
Katrina directly to the Gulf Coast where it Wright estimates that cattle and other ruminant that 1.7 billion people live in countries with
struck Louisiana and Mississippi. Scientists livestock graze one-half the planets total land “critically low levels” of forest cover. These
predict these trends will continue in the future, area. They also eat the majority of the food that p e o p l e m a y b e s u s c e p t i b l e t o s c a r c i t i e s o f t i m-
and there is concern that global warming will t h a t i s r a i s e d o n t h e e a r t h ’ s t ot a l l a n d s u r f a c e . ber, paper, and other key forest products.
continue to cause climate variability and A t l e a s t 25% of the earth’s land surface is ded- Trees and forests help to prevent wind
extreme events (e.g., floods, droughts, heat icated to growing food, which is more than all from blowing away dirt on farms, and hold in
waves) to increase. For instance, a recent sci- the world’s forested areas combined. It is clear large amounts of water. The low level of forest
e n t i f i c a n a l y s i s i n d i c a t e s h u m an - i n d u c e d c l i- that agriculture takes up the vast majority of cover puts people at risk of erosion of crops and
mate change likely increased the severity of the o u r l a n d use, and it should seem obvious that floods. The number of people who live in these
2003 European heat wave forest-scarce countries could almost triple to
t h a t k i l l e d t h o u s a n d s o f p e o- 4.6 billion by 2025, according to projected rates
ple. If you happen to not care of deforestation and population growth, put
about innocent people being forth by the United Nations.
drowned or burned, just By 2020, there will be approximately
think of higher prices in gas, one billion fewer acres of farmland than there
with food and other com- was in 1991. The growth of genetically-modi-
modities soon to come. When fied foods has been proposed to feed hungry
the next hurricane comes up people worldwide, but this is currently being
the east coast towards New used to raise corn and soybeans to feed live-
York, maybe you will start to stock for the human appetite of meat. Most
take some responsibility for environmental groups have raised many con-
your wasteful actions. That cerns over the dangers of genetically-modified
is - if you’re a meat-eater. crops for the environment and human health.
Many of us have been Global meat production h a s i n c r e a s e d
t r y i n g t o p r e s s u r e g o v e r n- more than fivefold since 1950. P r o b a b l y t h e
ments and corporations to most comprehensive study of global meat pro-
change their fossil-fuel ways duction was published in a 1991 report by the
for decades now - but to no Worldwatch Institute, an environmental think-
avail. We all know how bad tank based in Washington D.C. The report is
driving a car is - but it seems staggering. In 1990, the United States fed 70%
that is the only affordable of its grain to livestock. For the next eight
and reasonable way for many years, the amount of kilograms of meat con-
of us get to school or to the sumed per capita rose from 112 to 123. Aside
supermarket. Again, your from changes in exports of food or other factors,
government does not want to simple calculations suggest the number has
e n c o u r a g e p u b l i c t r a n s p o r t a- risen to almost 77% by 1998. According to the
t i o n o r to m a k e i t e a s i e r 1990 numbers in the report, Europeans fed
because they are getting approximately 60% of their grai n t o li v e st o ck ,
checks from oil companies in the Soviet Union 55%, Brazil 55%, Japan 48%,
locked doors. It seems inevitable that we all how we deal with agricultural policy issues is the Middle East (as a whole) 33%, and China
contribute largely to global warming. I mean, going to be the biggest environmental problem. 20%. Since then, these numbers have increased
we all do our best. We turn our lights and The Union of Concerned Scientists has came out dramatically. The change has be e n m o s t d r a s t i c
appliances off when we are done using them, we a n d s a i d t h a t o u r f o o d c h o i c e s r i v a l t r a n s p o r t a- in the developing countries. From 1990 to
recycle whenever possible - that’s great. But tion as the human activity with the greatest 1998, the annual per capita meat consumption
have you ever considered your meat-centered impact on the environment. We also use a great in Brazil rose from 47 kilograms to 70, and in
diet being a major contributor of global green- deal of our food and other resources such as Mexico from 40 to 53. China has more than dou-
h o u se g ases t h at i s cau si n g g l o b al cl imat e energy, water, and land to raise livestock, in bled the amount of meat consumed, from an
change? Not only that, but there are a multitude o r d e r t o p r o d u c e m e a t a n d o t h e r a n i m a l p r o d- average of 24 annual kilograms per person to a
of other ways our unnecessary, cruel, and ucts for human consumption. The steady
unhealthy meat addictions have destroyed our i n c r e a s e in global meat production and con- Continued on next page
Page 12 Current Events
How Our Wasteful Dietary Lifestyle Helped
Katrina Kill Your Fellow Americans By Matthew Rammelkamp
Continued from previous page tional carbon into the environment. Overall, the American’s meat consumption (the 1990 level)
second largest source of global warming is consumes the energy equivalent o f 1 9 0 l i t e r s o f
staggering 53. deforestation releasing excess carbon dioxide. gasoline per year. A professor at the University
These increases in meat consumption More than half of the world’s original of Stockholm found that a meal rich in meat
have been paralleled by a transformation in forest cover is gone, and only one-forth of the made with imported ingredients emits nine
production methods in animal agriculture on a f o r e s t c o v e r t h a t r e m a i n s i n c o n s i d e r e d “ r e l a- tim es as much carbon as a vegetarian meal made
global scale. Factory farming has replaced tra- tively undisturbed by human activity”. From with domestically produced ingredients. This
ditional environmentally sustainable methods 1 9 9 0 t o 1 995, an area the size of Afghanistan is actually a conservative estimate compared to
o f r ai si n g l i v est o ck , an d t h r eat en s t h e g l o b al ( 6 5 m i l l i o n h e c t a r e s ) w a s d e f o r e s t e d i n d e v e l- many others, such as Cornell University’s David
environment on many fronts. Considering that oping countries alone. The pace of deforestation Pimentel, a specialist in agricultural energy.
China has a population of over 1 billion, the in these countries is more rapid than it ever was He estimated that 30,000 kiloc a l o r i e s o f f o s s i l
threat of increased meat consumption from this in Europe, due to a faster population explosion fuel energy are used to produce a kilogram of
country alone is enough to put the earth’s car- today in the developing world. pork in the United States. This is equivalent to
rying capacity on its last limb. M a n y e n v i r o n m e n t a l i s t s t h i n k t h a t l o g- the energy in almost four liters of gasoline.
Factory farming is now the fastest grow- ging is the biggest destroyer of forests, account- According to his estimates, beef used 17,000
ing method of global animal production; these ing for one-third of all forest loss each year, yet k i l o c a l o r i e s p e r k i l o g r a m , a n d 1 3 , 0 0 0 k i l o c a l o-
methods have replaced traditional practices for a c c o r d i n g to Population Action International, ries for chicken. These numbers may be lower
74% of the world’s poultry production, 50% of logging’s biggest role in deforestation is direct- compared to other countries. Well-fed
pork, 43% of beef, and 68% of eggs. According ly related to agriculture and cattle ranching. American steers and broiler chickens reach
to the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization, Logging roads provide pathways for fa rmers to market weight in as little as one-forth the time
Asia has the fastest growing livestock s ector, follow and settle, clearing land in the process. of Chinese ones. This means that China may use
followed by Latin America and the Caribbean. When trees are cut down, especially tropical four times as much energy producing chicken
According to 1991 numbers, 38% of the f o r e s t s , t hey release the greenhouse gas carbon t h a n t h e U n i t e d S t a t e s ; a p p r o x i ma t e l y 5 2 , 0 0 0
world’s global food supply is fed to livestock. dioxide. From 1970 to 1991, the expansion of kilocalories of energy for just one kilogram of
This number was 35% in 1960, and has been pastures into Latin American forests has chicken.
increasing. Although decreasing meat con- released 1.4 billion tons of carbon. Energy requirements for grain-fed pork
sumption does not automatically mean starving Throughout the 1980’s and 90’s, the U.S. and poultry in Europe are even higher than in
people will be fed, in order to feed the world’s imported approximately 200 million pounds of the U.S. Japanese cows are typically fed twice
growing population with less farmland, we are beef from Central America each year. Our con- as much grain as American cattle, in order to
going to need to use our resources better. s u m p t i o n o f p r o d u c t s t h a t d e s t r o y t h a t r a i n f o r-
According to 1990 figures, 1.3 billion people e s t i s f o r c i n g i n d i g e n o u s c u l t u r e s i n t o e x t i n c-
could have been fed by the grain and soybeans tion. Only 200,000 of the original 6 to 9 mil- “The meat, dairy, and
eaten by U.S. livestock. At that time, there were lion estimated indigenous people remain in the
5.4 billion people worldwide, with one in six Brazilian Amazon. We are pushing other e n t i r e a g r i b u s i n e s s i n d u s-
going hungry. These numbers come from United species, other cultures, and ourselves into
S t a t e s D e p a r t m e n t o f A g r i c u l t u r e r e p o r t s , c a l- e x t i n c t i o n . A t t h e c u r r e n t r a t e s , a l l t h e r a i n-
try receive huge subsi-
culated with United Nations Food and f o r e s t w i l l b e d e s t r o y e d w i t h i n f i f t e e n o r t w e n- dies...”
Agricultural Organization (FAO) reports. The ty years.
figures are expected to be quite larger now as The tropical rainforests are being
the amount of meat consumed has been on a destroyed at a rate of two football fields every produce a desired “butter-soft” taste. This
steady increase in developing countries. Two- second, and we are experiencing the biggest rate means using twice as much energy. In the rev-
thirds of the increase in meat consumption in of extinction since the dinosaurs. Not only are o l u t i o n a r y b o o k Diet for a New America, J o h n
2002 was in the developing world due to global half of the earth’s species at risk for extinction, Robbins estimates that if the entire world were
trade, urbanization, and rising incomes. From t h e d e s t r u c t i o n o f t h e g l o b a l r a i n f o r e s t e c o s y s- vegetarian, there would be a lot less energy
1995 to 2003, meat consumption for the average tem will have dramatic drawbacks to science, used, and the world’s supply of oil would last
agriculture, and our sustainability on this 260 years. However, if the entire world ate as
planet. One-forth of all medicines available much meat as Americans did, the world supply
t o d a y w e r e d e r i v ed f r o m p l a n t s i n t r o p i c a l of oil would run out in just 13 years. One-third
“Factory farming is now forests, yet we have only been able to screen for o f t h e f o s s i l f u e l s i n t h i s c o u n t r y i s u s e d t o p r o-
pharmaceutical properties for less than 1% of duce meat.
the fastest growing them. Scientists estimate that there are at least In addition to emitting carbon dioxide
3 0 , 0 0 0 u n d i s c o v e r e d p l a n t s , m o s t l y i n r a i n- via required deforestation for gr a z i n g , l i v e s to c k
method of global animal forests. 70% of substances the National Cancer e m i t 1 6 % o f t h e s e c o n d - m o s t d e t r i m e n t a l g r e e n-
Institute identifies as being useful in cancer house gas, methane. According to 1990 num-
p r o d u c t i o n ; t h e s e m e t h- t r e a t m e n t or i gi nat e from t he rai nfor est . Speci es bers, livestock emit 80 million tons of methane
go extinct at an average rate of 137 per day, and gas each year through flatulen c e a n d b e l c h e s .
o d s h a v e r e p l a c e d t r a d i- the global meat consumption plays a predomi- A n i m a l w a s t e s a t f e e d l o t s e m i t a n o t h e r 3 5 m i l-
t i o n a l practices.” nant role.
Destroying forests in developing coun-
lion tons as the manure piles are deprived of
oxygen during decomposition. These emission
tries also has other unintended impacts. The levels add up to 3% of global warming from all
loss and misuse of forests in developing coun- gases.
Filipino rose from 21 to 30 kilograms per year. t r i e s i s a d r i v i n g f a c t o r i n t h e i n a b i l i t y f o r e d u- The feed used for livestock also guzzles
The primary source of global forest loss cational services to be provided in the third huge amounts of water. In California, the dairy
is the demand for farmland. In Latin Am erica, world. Population Action International notes industry consumes one-third of all irrigation
Asia, and Africa, slash-and-burn farming and that 80% of the world’s population lacks access water, and elsewhere in the U.S., water is
customary farming techniques which once were t o e n o u g h a f f o r d a b l e p a pe r a n d r e a d i n g m a t e r i- diverted from dwindling aquifers to feed beef
sustainable, are now a threat because of a l s f o r b a s i c l i t e r a c y a n d c o m m u n i c a t i o n s t a n- demands. In the beef feedlot center of the
increasing population densities. These methods d a r d s . W i t h t h e d e s t r u c t i o n o f f o r e s t s w o r l d- nation, Kansas, Nebraska, Colorado, and the
are used to clear land for livestock grazing, wide, and especially in countries where people Texas panhandle, crops are raised with water
which often results in the permanent conversion cannot afford to buy expensive imported paper, pumped out of the Ogalla aquifer, which took
of land to agriculture. In deforested rainforest s t e p s t a k e n t o p r e s e r v e f o r e s t f r o m c a t t l e r a n c h- thousands of years to develop, and could very
areas, there is a threat of the loss of the land’s ers will also fight poverty and illiteracy in the possibly be depleted in a few decades. It is
agricultural value altogether. The majority - third world. estimated that it takes 3,000 liters of water to
80% - of the biological value in these areas are Producing livestock is a very energy- produce one kilogram of U.S. beef, and the water
not in the soil. Clear cutting tropical forests intensive industry. Manufacturing fertilizers used to supply each American with animal
leaves the soil with relatively few nutrients, and pesticides and using fuel for powering farm products each day is about 380 liters. This has
such that it is unable to support agriculture for machinery uses a varying amount of fossil fuels actually caused the Colorado and Rio Grande
more than a few years. In addition, the slashing depending on which animal is raised.
a n d b u r n i n g o f t h e f o r e s t s i t s e l f b u r n s a d d i- Altogether, it is estimated that a typical Continued on next page
Current Events Page 13
America’s Dietary Habits & Katrina Continued...
By Matthew Rammelkamp
Continued from previous page received $611,484 from meat industry groups, antibiotic-resistance, infectious diseases like
followed by Hutchison with $409,178, and for- SARS, hurricanes, and of course, the degenera-
rivers to have already dried up by the time they mer Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich with tive diseases associated with meat consumption.
reach the ocean! Political scientists predict $232,239. By consuming animal products, we directly con-
that “water wars” will develop in a few decades Factory farms also use antibiotics for tribute to global ecocide and to the acceleration
as countries fight over the world’s vanishing livestock. The same drugs that are used to treat towards our own and other animal’s extinction.
r e s o u r c e s . I f p r o d u c t i o n m e t h o d s a n d c o n s u m p- human illnesses are widely used on factory Cow’s milk, eggs, meat, fur, and leather are the
tion levels or meat continue, the large amount of f a r m s t o p r e v e n t d i s e a se f r o m s p r e a d i n g i n end-products of torture and murder of animals.
water use the industry consumes will only crowded conditions, and also to increase growth. To cut costs and increase profits, cr eatures are
bring more wars sooner. The major drawback is that humans are consum- forced to endure a lifetime of suffering, con-
Factory farming also brings problems ing these drugs, possibly having adverse health fined in tiny cages or crammed shoulder to
concerning pollution, by creating stockpiles of effects, and also becoming resistant to them, shoulder with their doomed brethren. Cows,
livestock manure which can pollute rivers, reducing the availability of drugs to fight veal-calves, pigs, and chickens are forced to live
lakes, and groundwater. According to the Sierra human disease. In the United States, humans i n t h e d a r k n e s s a n d f i l t h o f f a c t o r y f a r m s , s i c k-
Club, animals on factory farms emit 2.7 trillion consume only one-eighth the amount of antibi- ly and miserable to an extent we cannot imagine.
tons of waste per year. This is the equivalent of otics that livestock do. They, along with the cattle and sheep that seem
130 times the amount of waste that humans pro- In addition to not being able to prevent to ease in the fields, all have the same destina-
duce. According to the Environmental d i s e a s e , f a c t o r y f a r m i n g s p r e a d s d e a d l y d i s- tion: the slaug hterhouse.
Protection Agency, livestock waste has polluted eases to humans. The past few years has been The multi-billion dollar a year meat and
3 5 , 0 0 0 m i l e s o f r i v e r s i n 2 2 s t a t e s a n d c o n t a m- outbreak after outbreak of diseases jumping the dairy industry use their wealth to manipulate
inated groundwater in 17 states. The nitrates species barrier, killing or threatening to kill the people’s opinion. Through mainstream
f r o m t h e m a n u r e m i x w i t h t h e a r t i f i c i a l f e r t i l- people. The Avian flu in Hong Kong, which led media they predictably portray vegetarianism
izer, and can cause cancer, nervous system to the massive killing of chickens, has infected as bizarre and unhealthy while suppressing the
impairments, and “blue baby” syndrome, a rare eighteen people and killed six. Mad Cow facts about their crimes against animals and the
b u t d ead l y co n d i t i o n af f l i cti n g n ewb o r n s. Th e Disease, Foot-and-Mouth disease, and SARS, are environment. Veganism is the solution. This is
single largest source of ammonia is from facto- more famous examples. SARS actually originat- the abstinence of all animal products from
ry farms, and communities that live nearby not ed on a factory farm in China. everyday life. For everything th at a meat eater
only have to worry about drinking water, but the Meat-rich diets also contribute to the might think that she or he would be sacrificing,
odor which can be overwhelming and cause sick- m o s t s e r i o u s a n d a b u n d a n t d e g e n e r a t i v e d i s- a pure vegetarian version exists. From steak to
ness. eases in industrialized countries, especially chicken to milk and ice-cream, i t’ s al l o u t t h er e.
The meat, dairy, and entire agribusiness the United States. Heart disease, stroke, obesi- It is possible, healthy, and ethical to live as a
i n d u s tr y r e c e i v e h u g e s u b s i d i e s o f U . S . t a x - ty, diabetes, and dozens of types of cancers are vegan. For information to help you transition to
dollar money, which makes meat affordable to all leading causes of death. Women who eat meat a more plant-based diet, be it completely vegan
the average consumer. It is estimated that if the or other animal products daily were three and a or otherwise, visit either www.tryveg.com,
U.S. government did not subsidize these indus- h a l f t i m e s more likely to get breast cancer or www.tryvegetarian.org, and/or www.goveg.com.
tries’ water use, one pound of meat would cost ovarian cancer than those who ate meat or ani- In 40 years, humanity will not be able to go back
$35 per pound! In 1996, the Worldwatch mal products less than once a week. Similar in time and alter the course o f e v e n t s t h a t
Institute estimated that environmentally- s t u d i e s s howed men having the same increased brought them to mass-starvation and ecological
d e s t r u c t i v e s u b s i d i e s c o s t t a x - p a y e r s $ 5 0 0 b i l- risk for prostate cancer. ruin. But that future can be chan g e d o n a n i n d i-
lion a year. They claim the global tax burden The diet that most of us were brought up vidual basis, starting now.
c a n b e r e d u c e d 7 % b y e l m i n i n a t i n g t h e s e s u b s i- on supports industries that are destroying the Email me for works cited or any other
dies, which would directly encourage job cre- natural world and that threaten humankind’s questions: v e g a n m a t t y @ y a h o o . c o m
ation and investment. Indirectly, we would also existence. This is happening right now - killing
save an unknown amount of money from reduced o u r f e l l o w American citizens via heat strokes,
hospital bills (from less heart attacks, etc), and
f e w e r c l e a n u p s f o r c o n t a m i n a t e d w a t e r s u p-
plies.
Why are these subsidies on meat to make
it artificially cheap? Many legislatures accept
campaign contributions from the meat conglom-
erates, who help them get elected and who lobby
them for increasing subsidies every year.
A c c o r d i n g t o a r e p o r t by t h e C e n t e r f o r P u b l i c
Integrity, the meat industry has created one of
Washington’s most effective influence
machines, by recruiting federal lawmakers and
congressional aides for its lobbying juggernaut.
The report found tha t Phil Gramm and Kay
Bailey Hutchison of Texas ranked among the top
recipients. Between 1987 and 1996, Gramm

Page 14 Current Events


A Renewed Plea for Vegetarianism
By Camilla Bulkhan
Ignorance truly is bliss, but, a word of cramped circumstances whilst standing in their In fact, studies show that eating a diet
caution, what you do not know is going to hurt own wastes. It should be noted that many ani- based on meat, eggs and dairy products has been
you. I honestly believe that knowledge is mals, especially poultry, are crippled as a linked to an increased risk of all the leading
empowerment and, as a staunch advocate of rais- r e s u l t o f t h ei r f o r c e d a n d r a p i d w e i g h t g a i n a n d degenerative diseases such as cardiovascular
i n g a w a r e n e s s i n i n n o c e n t , u n s u s p e c t i n g c o n- lack of exercise. diseases, cancers, Type II diabetes, arthritis,
sumers, I am going to reveal to you the It is also utterly horrifying when one obesity etc. Thus, it has been proven that we can
grotesque, albeit covert truth about meat in ev en t r i es to imagine the inexplicable pain of all lead healthier lives through the systematic
modern-day America. b e i n g m u tilated without the use of anesthetics! elimination of animal-based foods. Broadly
F i r s t l y , i n f o r m a t i o n o n m o d e r n a g r i c u l- Animals are routinely branded, castrated, tail- speaking, there are two main r easo n s f o r t h i s.
t u r a l p r a c t i c e s r e m a i n s o b s c u r e a n d i n a c ce s s i- docked or debeaked (in the case of chicks to Firstly, by avoiding animal foods you are avoid-
ble to everyone. Is it because of some small fac- prevent the cannibalistic pecking of other ing the toxic and detrimental side-effects of
t o r o f g u i l t o r p er h ap s f ear o f l o si n g p r o f i t s th at chicks borne out of sheer frustration of sharing constantly ingesting high levels of growth hor-
the agribusinesses continue to delude people an impossibly tiny cage with eleven others). mones, antibiotics and pesticides. Secondly,
into believing that what they are eating is actu- Tail docking actually involves the removal of meat, eggs and dairy are general l y a c i d - f o r m i n g
ally good wholesome nourishment? Change can most of the tail of a piglet using a pair of pliers foods which contain high levels of saturated fats
only be brought about through enlightenment and thus, leaves behind a highly sensitized and artery-clogging cholesterol.
(unfortunately, for many, this involves acute s t u m p w h ich if bitten, even the most trauma- But what does the acidic nature of ani-
discomfort or an overriding sense of shame) and tized listless creature will fight against. Believe mal-based products mean? Well, human blood
thus, everyone needs to know what happens it or not, there exists a psychological term to pH should be slightly alkaline (about 7.35-
before this “meat” can even be served. d e s c r i b e t h i s o v e r w h e l m i n g p h y s i c a l a n d m e n- 7.45) and thus, constant consumption of meat,
Secondly, the gravest misassumption tal depression that affects animals living under eggs and dairy leads to a decrease in the body’s
that people make is that animals reared for food such deplorable conditions which is “learned ability to absorb nutrients, repair damaged
must have been treated well or else the h el p l essn ess”. In fact, the term was coined by c e l l s a n d a n o v e r a l l i n c r e a s e i n t h e b o d y ’ s s u s-
agribusinesses would suffer economically. This the ‘respected’ psychologist, Martin Seligman c e p t i b i l i t y t o i l l n e s s a n d f a t i g u e . T h i s i s p r e-
c o u l d n o t b e f u r t h e r f r o m t h e t r u t h . T h e s t a g- who subjected dogs to increasing levels of inter- cisely why we are always enc ouraged to increase
geringly high demand for meat, eggs and dairy mittent and unavoidable electric shocks until our intake of alkaline-forming plant foods such
has led to the regarding of animals as mere com- they themselves gave up trying to escape out of as fresh fruits, vegetables and whole grains. A
modities. (In fact, the word “animals” is techni- utter despondency. (For the record, I was forced vegetarian/vegan diet will thus reduce the risk
cally incorrect since man is an animal too. to learn of this “great” theory in Psychology o f m a n y c h r o n i c d e g e n e r a t i v e d i s e a s e s ( h y p e r-
However, for the intents of this article the terms 103 last semester.) tension, heart disease, cancers ) b y o f f e r i n g a
“animals” and “non-humans” are considered to T h e o v e r a r c h i n g a r g u m e n t i s th a t i t i s vast number of nutritional benefits such as
b e s y n o n y m o u s a n d m a y b e u s e d i n t e r c h a n g e- far more economically efficient for farmers to lower levels of saturated fat and cholesterol
ably.) This is where the great shift from small, g a i n a h i gher productivity per cage or allotted with a subsequent increase in levels of fiber,
independent farms to massive corporate-owned floor space than per individual animal. micronutrients (magnesium, potassium),
factory farms has occurred. Of all the develop- Individual creatures are allowed to suffer as antioxidants(Vitamins C and E) and phytochem-
ments of the twentieth century, factory farming long as they continue to rapidly gain weight icals. One can definitely expect a general
is by far the most barb aric invention created since, crowding animals pays. improved feeling of well-being and decreased
that man should feel thoroughly ashamed of. However, some of you may be wondering levels of fatigue and stress.
“Factory farm” is basically a superficially why any of this should matter to you. Perhaps, In fact, going vegetarian has never been
h a r m l e s s t e r m u s e d t o r e f e r t o l a r g e w a r e h o u s- the cruelty exposed to animals means little, if e a s i e r w i t h a l l t h e u n l i m i t e d , a l t e r n a t i v e , m e a t-
es where animals are intensively reared in any, to you. However, animals intensively less options (pasta, pizza, veggie wraps, and sal-
o v e r c r o w d e d c a g e s o r p e n s u n d e r s t r i c t l y c o n- r e a r e d u n d e r s u c h c o n d i t i o n s a r e a l s o r o u t i n e- ads) available. So the next time you find your-
trolled conditions. ly pumped full of antibiotics, growth-promoting self at the Grill, order a delicious veggie burger
Simply put, these animals exist in the drugs, anti-parasitic drugs and even, pesticides instead of a cheeseburger. But remember, the
most unnatural and filthy environment daily which accumulate in the flesh, especially the real challenge lies in making this a lifestyle
without ever catching a glimpse of the sun or fatty tissues. Animal flesh has even been change rather than a short-lived fad. This is
breathing fresh air until maybe the day they are demonstrated to contain dangerous levels of certainly not an all-or-nothing option so by
hoarded into a truck and transported to the arsenic, mercury, and dioxins etc. So, it is a simply decreasing your intake of animal-based
slaughterhouse. These precious intelligent generally accepted fact that these toxins and foods, you will be contributing towards the
beings, who feel pain, fear, stress and all the drugs are passed onto the consumers and e l i m i n a t i n g o f a n i m a l s u f f e r i n g w h i l s t s i m u l t a-
other myriad complex of emotions that humans b e c o m e s a c o n t r i b u t o r y f a c t o r i n n u m e r o u s d i s- neously reaping the multiple benefits of great
experience, are forced to subsist in these eases of the body. health and well-being!

Current Events Page 15


The Case for Mandatory
Student Health Insurance
By Richard Tuckman, MD
A r e c e n t o p / e d i n T h e P r e s s, (“Mandatory i c a l p r o b l e m . M e d i c a l i l l n e s s i s o f t e n u n p r e- students were enrolled. Many students didn’t
Insurance Policy,” 8/30/05 by Marc Niola), dictable, and thus everyone needs protection. take advantage of the opportunity. Students gen-
expressed some legitimate concerns as well as Those who don’t have health insurance, even the erally are young and healthy and for them it
some misconceptions regarding the Stony Brook he a l t h i e s t amon g us , are g am bl i ng w i t h t hei r doesn’t seem to be an issue. As a result, a sig-
University’s new mandatory health insurance medical and financial well being. Furthermore, n i f i c a n t n u m b e r o f s t u d e n t s r e m a i n e d u n i n-
policy. It is certainly true that the new just because you are healthy and don’t need to sured. Some surveys from insurers and colleges
requirement results in significant additional use your health insurance doesn’t mean you across the country identify anywhere from 10%
costs to full-time students who do not have out- wasted your money. Insurance is not like other to 30% of college students as uninsured even
side health insurance. These students generally services, such as a gym membership, in which when a voluntary plan is offered. In addition to
are the ones who would be most burdened by the the more you use the more value you have the smaller pool of students enro l l e d i n t h e v o l-
added expense. Money for these students often achieved. Health insurance remains valuable untary plan, enrollment tends to be skewed to
is very tight. Many of them are taking out loans even if you never need to use it. those that already have medical c o n d i t i o n s , a n d
or working to finance their education, and so It is valuable b ecause it eliminates that gamble t h u s w o u l d a l r e a d y r e p r e s e n t l a r g e e x p e n d i-
concern and frustration for the additional costs o f f i n a n c i a l r u i n t h a t a m e d i c a l p r o b l e m r e p r e- tures from an already small insured pool. As a
is understandable. However, these students are sents, and thus offers ‘peace of mind’. result, the insurance companies could only
also the ones that are most vulnerable to the offer limited coverage and higher premiums in
medical and financial impact of a sudden med- order for the plan to be financially viable.
ical problem. Therefore the voluntary health insurance plan
The Student Health S ervice (SHS), is a vital was not the solution to the risk to the overall
service for students with common medical prob- college experience that acute medical illness
lems, and it is helps keep costs down. But some represents.
s t u d e n t s u n f o r t u n a t e l y s u f f e r f r o m m o r e c o m-
plex medical problems that require specialized The op-ed also expresses the concern that
or emergent care that is out of the scope of what mandatory health insurance infringes on the
can be offered at the SHS. As a full-time physi- student’s individual right to decide what’s best
cian at the SHS, I have seen many instances in for himself or herself. That is a real concern,
which otherwise healthy students have had to but it must be weighed against a n o t h e r r e a l c o n-
d e a l wi t h t r a u m a t i c i n j u r i e s f r o m f a l l s , a c c i- cern; that rising medical costs increasingly
dents, or athletics, and acute medical problems threatens the overall college experience of the
l i k e a p p e n d i c i t i s f o r e x a m p l e . U n i n s u r e d s t u- uninsured students. It’s always preferable to
dents who need that type of care have a tough have as much freedom of choice as possible, but
time. They have the extra burden of paying for t h e u n i v e r s i t y h a s a r e a l r e s p o n s i b i l i t y t o f u r-
unanticipated and often large medical bills at a ther an environment that is c o n d u c i v e t o a n
t i m e i n t h e i r l i f e w h e n t h e y a r e f i n a n c i a l l y v u l- overall positive college experience. After con-
nerable. In addition uninsured students with sideration of these issues and after careful
non-emergent medical problems often choose research, thought, and debate over several
not to pursue diagnostic and treatment options years, the university administration felt
because of cost and therefore in effect are get- DR. MARIO ADMINISTERS SBU SUPPOSITORY, strongly that mandatory health insurance had
ting sub-optimal care. Courtesy of Nintendo become a necessary measure for the health, wel-
Contrary to what is charged in that op-ed, fare, academic performance and s o c i a l e x p e r i-
mandatory insurance is not a “sophisticated Unfortunately health insurance is for the ence of the stony brook univer s i t y c o m m u n i t y .
ruse by Stony Brook to exploit the vulnerable most part tied to employment in this country. B y r e q u i r i n g a l l s t u d e n t s t o h a v e h e a l t h i n s u r-
and disinterested.’” The University has no Students are usually not employed full time and ance, the university was able to secure an excel-
financial stake at requiring health insurance. unless they are covered under their parent’s or lent health plan for those studen t s w h o w e r e n o t
The issue of mandatory health insurance has spouse’s plan or covered by government plans previously covered, and at low cost. Based on my
been a ‘hot topi c’ in college health over the past l i k e M e d i c a i d t h e y r e m a i n u n i n s u r e d a n d v u l- experience caring for students over the past six
several years, and is not a measure uniquely nerable. Most students are unable to afford years as a full-time attending physician at the
considered or implemented by SUNY Stony individual health insurance plans, which tend Student Health Service, I strongly agree with the
Brook. Many other schools in the SUNY system to be extremely expensive, and so the only real new requirement.
require health insurance including Buffalo, o p p o r t u n i t y s o m e s t u-
Binghamton, Brockport, Cornell, Oswego, dents have to be cov-
Plattsburgh, Purchase, and others. The ered is through the
University of Connecticut, Ohio State U n i v e r s i t y . B u t p r e v i-
University and all the universities within the o u s a t t e m p t s a t o f f e r-
University of California system, just to name a i n g v o l u n t a r y i n s u r-
few, also require health insurance, and many ance opportunities
other universities are seriously considering it. have not resulted in
The reason universities are interested in it is an adequate solution.
because it increases the pool of those covered, The voluntary plan
and thus results in lower premiums and more d i d n o t p r o v i d e a s u f-
robust coverage- a mix that will adequately ficient mix of scope of
cover the student population at a much more coverage and premium
affordable cost. College administrators realize costs. It c overed stu-
t h a t a s h e a l t h c a r e c o s t s r i s e , t h e h e a l t h i m p l i- d e n t s o n l y u p t o a c e r-
cations and financial impact of even the most tain cap that was
common problems that can affect uninsured insufficient to truly
students, can be devastating, and can affect aca- protect students from
demic performance and the overall college expe- t h e v e r y t y p e o f s u d-
rience den and acute medical
The concept of insurance is often misun- problems that could
derstood. It is the idea of pooling resources in result in the financial
order to spread risk among a larger community. disaster that young
Health insurance should be thought of like and healthy students
other forms of insurance. Just as car insurance need to be protected
protects us from the financial disaster that an from.
a c c i d e n t c a n c r e a t e , h e a l t h i n s u r a n c e w i l l p r o- The reason the
tect us if we are unfortunate enough to need voluntary plan was
expensive medical care. No matter how healthy insufficient was
you are now, you can suddenly develop a med- because not enough
Page 16 Current Events
Simon Weisenthal, Hunter of
Nazis, Hero of Justice
By Laura Positano
“There is no freedom without justice.” But this was th e easy part. The post war, then
No o n e u n d er st o o d th e se wo r d s wi t h t h e b r ead t h “West German” government did not want to help
of their being more than Simon Weisenthal. the Nazi hunter, but didn’t want h i m t o f i n d a n y
Wiesenthal was in a total of twelve Nazi concen- Nazis either. The movie The Odessa File ( 1 9 7 4 )
tration camps during the Holocaust. Yet despite was deliberately based on his life, and he
how the Nazis’ depravity deprived him of basic appeared in the movie (though the action was
subsistence and dehumanized him for a period fictionalized). The real life history of this Nazi
of his life, he didn’t become a vigilante. hunter was not too far different from the movie’s
Wiesenthal had seen what insanity hatred could portrayal. Wiesenthal was a compassionate but
cause, even when in his case, he had a right. His r elentless man, determined to avenge in a civi-
hatred, unlike that of the vitriol aimed at his lized manner those who killed millions.
J e w i s h b r e t h r e n b y t h e N a z i s , w a s u n d e r s t a n d- Weisenthal eventually m a d e 1 , 1 0 0 N a z i
able. war criminals face retribution, including the
I r o n i c a l l y , a f t e r f o u r y e a r s a s a p r i s o n- infamous Adolf Eichmann, one of the brains of
er of the sadistic Nazis (from 1941-1945) he the Nazi plan. Additionally, Weisenthal, who
became determined to resolve, through legal was a native of Poland but lived in Austria post
means, as opposed to violent acts, the actions of World War Two, forced Austria to acknowledge
those who tortured him. After World War Two, its part in the deaths of millions. Weisenthal
he started pursuing Nazi war crimi nals with the worked on enlightening Austr i a ’ s c o n s c i e n c e
help of documents. Documents were crucial o v e r t h i s d r e a d f u l t r u t h f o r d e c a d e s , a n d e v e n-
because at the end of the war, Nazis fleeing tually earned reverence for this from other
Germany took on entirely new identities. The Austrians. In the Jewish community,
local governments accepted the documents, most Weisenthal has hero status, and will always be
of which were forged (the Nazis used former revered for his magnanimous a c t s . W e i s e n t h a l
Nazi government printing presses and artists). died September 20, at the age of ninety-six.
By comparing photographs with the original Ironically, but happily, he outlived most Nazis
SIMON WEISENTHAL
passports, the Nazi hunter could dismiss the and saw the establishment of Israel.
Courtesy of www.facinghistorycampus.org
fraudulent identities.

Mad in Manhattan
By Adam Kearny
Something about Midtown reminds me of c l a s s e s , i n s i d e t h e f a c i l i t y . T h e c a m p u s i s r e a l- tion of hot and white sauce, they are far tastier
Gotham City. The buildings are worn to dull ly just the second floor of an office building. than anything from a fast food joint. As an aid
shades of gray and brown; two hundred year old T h e r e i s c o r r i d o r l i n e d w i t h c l a s s r o o m s e n d i n g for digestion let me recommend happy hour at
b r i c k s p i l e d i n g o t h i c s p i r e s t o w e r a b o v e t h e in a door that is always locked, but which leads the Bull’s Head Tavern, on 23r d St. and 3r d A v e .
dirty streets. It’s a commercial area, not a into the spacious lobby containing the offices With $3 drafts of Guinness, Magic Hat, and
pleasant place to live, like a corpse of the a n d t h e a r e a f o r t h e f u n d r a i s e r s . T h e r e i s o n e Newcastle, in a cool, dark bar with a jukebox
Industrial Revolution turned shopping mall. small classroom with three computers, a bunch and a pool table, you can escape the swarm of the
W a f t i n g u p t h r o u g h t h e g r i m y s u b w a y v e n t s i s of desks, and a microwave for students to use summer street with style.
the distinct, powerful odor of while waiting between If you feel like hanging outside and
w h a t m u s t b e a s e c r e t , u n d e r- classes. On the soaking up the weather, there’s Madison Square
ground landfill. The olfactory microwave is a fore- Park nearby, and Union Square is about ten
bombardment stretches for ten boding message warn- blocks away. You can join the other urban out-
or so blocks south of Penn ing students that if doorsmen, lying flat on your back in a patch of
Station, perhaps functioning as they fail to clean the dirt and grass on the lawn. Do not attempt this
a smelly moat, keeping the m i c r o w a v e , s o g r a- without sunglasses or headphones. You might
f r e a k s b e l o w 1 4t h St. ciously provided for even get your picture taken by an aspiring art
The perplexing by Dr. Fred Preston student; they infest the area like wild rabbits,
Manhattan campus of SUNY at (VP of Student scurrying about and breeding, spawning more of
Stony Brook is conveniently Affairs), than it w i l l b e themselves. Thus the perpetua l c y c l e o f c r i-
located on the eastern edge of taken away. It’s not tiquing fine art continues.
the aforementioned quarantine exactly service with a If you’re lucky you can cut class and go
zone. The question is: why is smile. to an event. When I got the call before class say-
there a Manhattan campus in So the students ing Frank Miller was signing books nearby, the
the first place? No other SUNY taking more than class decision was easy. There was a line wrapped
has found a need for one. The m i l l a r o u n d t h e h a l l- around the building, and a strong chance of
answer commonly tossed around w a y s w h i l e t h e s p a- showers. The powers that be at Barnes & Noble
is that fundraisers can be held cious lobby is off lim- had stopped distributing bracelets, as the hour
t h e r e w i t h r i c h , b i g c i t y MANHATTAN, THE UNTAMED MISTRESS, its. Students can be was drawing late and our beloved Sin City cre-
i n v e s t o r s , t h e r e b y i n f u s i n g Courtesy of New Amsterdam buzzed in to print from ator was getting ready to leave. Observing that
Stony Brook with even more cor- the computers in the it was indeed Miller Time, James Blonde and I
p o r a t e s p o n s o r s h i p . T h e p r a c- l o b b y , w h i c h i s u s u a l- managed to obtain some MGD’s, which helped
tical advantage to students is that those who live l y f i l l e d w i t h f o l d i n g c h a i r s f o r t h e f u n d r a i s e r s . our anxious anticipation. When we did manage
in the city don’t have to commute and can When one of these meetings is going on, don’t to get in, we were the last ones on line and bare-
s q u e e z e i n s o m e e x t r a c r e d i t s d u r i n g t h e s u m- expect to be allowed in. On the walls hang some ly made it, but I did manage to ask the man a
mer. Having attended one session at the Brook p r e t t y h i p p o s t e r s o f a r t i s t s a n d a r t w o r k a n d question.
and another in Manhattan, I can say I find the such, which helps relieve the boredom for a few “So Batman rules and Superman drools?”
open space of Stony’s near deserted campus far minutes by giving you something to stare at. I prodded. He stared at me bewildered for a
m o r e c o m f o r t a b l e t h a n t h e s w a r m s o f b u s i n e s s- Taking 3 three-hour classes begs you for some moment while I smiled back at him.
people on the grilling asphalt of E 28t h St. distraction. So, you take a walk. “Oh yeah,” he said, “I’m writing another
The Manhattan campus would be greatly On th e corner of Park Ave and 28t h St. is Batman book right now [Batman & Robin All
improved by a student lounge with at least a a McDonalds, but Ronald and fifty workers on Stars] and I’m going to kick Superman’s ass
coach and a TV. There’s no need for any sort of lunch-break can get old quick. The guys mak- again, for the fans.”
f o o d s e r v i c e , w i t h a l l t h e s u r r o u n d i n g s t o r e s i n g G y r o s on the street are a blessing in dis- There you have it folks, big blue’s taking
and restaurants, but it would be convenient if guise; however unappealing those slabs of another hit from the man in black. Score one for
t h e r e w e r e s o m e p l a c e b e t t e r t o r e l a x b e t w e e n g r i l l e d m e a t m a y a p p e a r , w i t h t h e r i g h t a p p l i c a- Gotham City.

Current Events Page 17


Compiled by Melissa Lobel and Matt Willemain
NATIONAL More Crookedness two elections of the night. First election was for
the Sergeant-at-Arms. There were two nomi-
“Superbug” on the Loose Senators Bill First and Mitch McConnel nees and before ballots were cas t there was a
have proposed a loophole that would undermine motion for having two Sergeant-at-Arms. Both
Recently three Chicago-area children laws meant to prevent corruption and the nominees were elected. The next election was
died of a toxic shock syndrome-like sickness. appearance of corruption. Originally snuck for the position of President Pro-Tempore. Up
T h i s i l l n e s s w a s c a u s e d b y t h e g e r m m e t h i- into the back of a totally unrelated 438 page for election were Aryeh Glas and Amy
c i l l i n - r e s i s t a n t s t a p h y l o c o c c u s a u r e u s, o r bill, the proposal would allow a series of shady Wisnoski. Aryeh Glas won the election with a
MRSA. MRSA causes bleeding and shock to transactions; ultimately, wealthy people could majority of 8 to 4. Time for another year with
occur in the adrenal gland. In all three cases, donate eight times as much money towards a USG…
and others nationwide, the illness progressed candidate’s election as they can now, and corpo-
from pneumonia to shock. An interesting factor rations four times as much. Worst of all, these Bronx Triple Homicide
in these illnesses is the fact that these children newly expa nded legalized bribes would only be
were infected in the community and not in a a v a i l a b l e t o i n c u m b e n t s , a l r e a d y h o l d i n g f e d e r- On September 21, 2005, Elvis Hartley,
h o s p i t a l w h e r e “ s u p e r b u g s ” a r e n o r m a l l y p r e s- al office. The overwhelming majority of federal 47, Miguel Aquino, 37, and Dilsia Tejuda, 18,
ent. officials face no significant competition, and by were shot. Three men, Noel Bruno, 26, Ricky
Over the past years, doctors in Los giving a huge benefit to insiders this proposal Curet, 34, and a third man, knocked on the
A n g e l e s h a v e t r e a t e d 1 4 p a t i e n t s w i t h n e c r o t i z- attacks the health of American democracy, apartment door where the three victims and
i n g f as c i i t i s , b e t t e r k n ow n a s f l e s h e a t i n g b a c- which is supposed to be based on a real contest Johanna Hartley, 23, a survivor, were residing.
teria, caused by the resistant germ. In Corpus in which politicians have to compete earn our The four adults were gagged and bound with
Christi, Texas, numbers of MRSA infections support. duct tape and forced into the bathroom. The
have jumped from 10 in the 1990s to more than The campaign finance laws this proposal three men then pulled Hartley and Aquino out
4 0 0 i n 2 0 0 3 . T h e se c a s e s w e r e a l s o r e p o r t e d w o u l d c h eat were written in reaction to serious one, by one demanding drugs and money. After
infections from the community. Only recently abuses, like the Watergate scandal of the ‘70s realizing they were not getting what the wanted,
have there been such a high number of staph and the Savings and Loan scandal of the `80s. t h e p r o c e e d e d t o k i l l H a r t l e y a n d A q u i n o e x e-
infections outside of the hospital. Although The proposal was Section 719 of a bill cution-style, they were shot in the back of the
these infections are rare, doctors are on the called HR 3058. After criticism from col- head. Then the men went to the bathroom and
lookout for shock-like cases caused by MRSA. leagues and activists, the proposal will now be shot Tejuda. However Bruno shot Curet in the
voted on separately as an amendment to the bill. bicep giving Johanna Hartley the opportunity to
Chicago Calls for Immediate Withdrawl The original purpose of the bill is to give many escape.
from Iraq federal agencies, and the Distric t of Columbia, Tejuda’s child, Sehing De La Rosa, 2, also
the money they need to run normally next year. survived the shooting. Police speculate that the
On September 14, the City of Chicago, by Frist, from Tennessee, is the Senate four companions were “in the wrong place at the
a City Council vote of 29 to 9 with 12 not voting, Majority Leader, and would personally benefit wrong time.”
became the large st US city to call for an imme- from this when
diate withdrawal of US troops from Iraq. San he runs for Illustrated by Jam es M essina
Francisco has already voted to get out of Iraq, as P r e s i d e n t .
have smaller cities like Evanston, Illinois and McConnel, from
Gary, Indiana. Kentucky, is the
Majority Whip
AFL-CIO Dissidents Found Alternative and a frequent
Labor Federation opponent of cam-
paign finance
On Tuesday, the “Change To Win regulation.
Coalition”—the seven unions that split away
from the AFL-CIO last July—met in St. Louis to LOCAL
found an alternative labor federation. By walk-
ing away with 40% of the AFL-CIO’s member- USG Gets Off
ship, the new coalition has divided the labor To Lackluster
movement. Start
The central argument in the fight that
lead to the breakup was about how much money This past
t o s p e n d o n p o l i t i c a l a c t i v i t i e s v e r s u s o r g a n i z- Tuesday marked
ing new workers into unions. Unions are always one of the first
grossly outspent in Washington by bosses, but USG Senate meet-
membership in unions has plummeted over the ings of the
past half century from 35% of the American semester. Most
workforce to little more than 10%. Some ana- of the senators
l y st s f eel t h at t h e ar g umen t w as t h e t i p o f an who showed up
iceberg of different attitudes about how to were late. The
respond to corporate globalization and the meeting got off to
decline in the economic situation for working a rocky start
people over the past three decades in spite of because quorum
national economic success. was not met at 8
The seven unions founding the new fed- o’clock. The
eration are the construction workers (Laborer’s guest speaker,
International Union and Carpenter’s Union), Dr. Baigent, the
hotel, restaurant and clothing workers (UNITE Interim V.P. of
HERE), United Farmworkers of America, United Student Affairs,
Food and Commercial Workers and two very gave his short
broad unions that work in many different speech and no
fields, the Service Employees International senators had any
Union and the International Brotherhood of questions for
Teamsters. him. Dr. Baigent
l e f t a n d t h e s e n-
US Senate Republican Leaders Work for ate went onto the

Page 18 Current Events


Politically Correct Absurdity,
Heavens, Let it Drown in Obscurity
By Natalie Schultz
In honor of 2005’s havoc-wreaking years (the most powerful ones being retired). So about Olga, the Kievan-Rus princess who
Season O’ Hurricanes, I thought it would be fun apparently the WMO could only come up with stealthily defeated the enemy Derevlians and
to take a look at just exactly how these storms approximately 126 male and female names then proce eded to take over the entire Kievan
get their names. So, to make a long story short: using the Latin alphabet. Pretty soon we will be realm? Perhaps Unn, one of the first great set-
In the beginning storms were named after the witnessing the wrath of Alpha, Beta and tlers of Iceland whose descendants lead to
Catholic saint upon whose day it fell; this did- Epsilon; Aldous Huxley might be cheering them Gudrun Osvifsdottir, a key character in
n’t work out too well since if it landed on the on from beneath the grave, but please, why don’t Laxdaela Saga, would be fitting. What about
same day in more than one year the storms the bloody feminists offer up some fine female Catharine the Great or even the Greek goddesses
became So-and-So the Second, Third etc. So dur- names inspired by women who truly did kick- Hera and Athena or even Lachesis or Atropos,
i n g W W I I t h e m i l i t a r y s t a r t e d n a m i n g h u r r i- ass back in the day? the two Fates in whose hands res t e d t h e u l t i m a t e
canes after women, and in1950 the World Katrina? As in Katrina and the fate of men? Of course the best name that could
Meteorological Organization (WMO) decided to Waves? Oh, gee, how ironic; I’m sure all the be bestowed upon any hurricane of fury
follow suit and the first hurricane named after homeless people on the Gulf Coast would be Lilith, the true first
a woman was Able. Now, is it just me or is Able are “Walking on Sunshine.” Oh woman, equal to man, whom
not actually a woman’s name, but an adjective, or Yeah! the bloody writers of the Bible
at best the biblical male name Abel misspelled? When I envision a devastat- decided to kill off because Adam
A n y h o w , t h e p o i n t i s t h a t i n t h e 1 9 7 0 ’ s f e m i- ing storm I think of Thor or Zeus, was an arrogan t ass. A t r u e
nists, deciding that it was sexist to name sometimes even biblical feminist would rally to honor
vicious storms after only women convinced the Armageddon. But whom do we Lilith, who so wonderfully
WMO to name storms in a boy-girl, boy-girl get? Gaston? Charley? Rita? tempted Adam’s minion Eve;
order. Can you get anymore weak- for if that tale turns out to be
Ok, so lets get this straight: Women’s kneed lame? At least the true then we all deserve to be
rights activists decided that it wasn’t fair to last real hurricane to hit washed away in her surge of
name Mother Nature’s wrath after only women. Long Island was named vengeance.
Seems to me these women lost their chance to Gloria, and although not all Will this unrelenting
truly prove that women can kick the arses of that bad, coming ashore w r a t h o f “ p o l i t i c a l c o r r e c t-
men beyond the walls of the boardroom. The during low tide at Category 2, it was a ness” never cease? If this
way I see it naming powerful storms that cannot glorious storm. continues our descendants will be
be tamed by any man (or woman) is the best Come on now you femi- thinking that Noah-ell saved
complement any woman can receive. n i s t s , w h y d o n ’ t y o u s t a r t c h a m p i- her/his multi-cultural beings of the
If feminists were wise they would have oning for the great women of the past infinite universe from the waters of
knocked on the door of the WMO and handed to have great hurricanes dedicated the “Wide Sargasso Sea” that began
them a list of some truly kick-ass women from to them? How about Gudrun, she to overflow do to the capitalistic
the history books to add to the list of potential w h o d e s t r o y e d t h e H u n s b y m u r- free-market economy.
hurricane names. But no, instead the WMO has dering her husband Attila after Shakespeare-who?
a list of 21 names that are recycled every six feeding him their two sons? What

Mount: Unexplained Phenomena


By Jeffrey Cabello
I w a s a l w a y s i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e p a r a n o r- o c c u r r e d , we noticed there was the electrical would most likely have come to a better conclu-
mal. Ever since the movie G h o s t b u s t e r s, I room and elevator room in the basement as well. sion. I started to buy more equ i p m e n t , s u c h a s
always dreamed of having one of those proton The EMF meter measures the Electro Magnetic an IR thermometer, micro-cassette recorder, IR
packs when I was little, as well as many other Field where you have it placed. Since these cameras, electrostatic locator, and Geiger coun-
kids who have seen the cartoon and the movie. rooms consisted of man-made electronics, they t e r s . T h e s e t u r n e d o u t t o b e u s e f u l d u r i n g a
Well, as I grew older, I started to understand gave off a constant reading. As we were contin- future investigation. At that point, I also decid-
what it was all about. The ghost part actually. uing our sweep of the basement, we noticed a ed to create a club, the Stony Brook Ghost
I t ’ s k i n d o f h a r d t o m i n i a t u r i z e a p a r t i c l e a c c e l- chair sitting by itself by the wall. I was fasci- Hunters Society. It was founded in January of
erator to fit on your back. So, as I grew older, I nated by this chair, noticing that it was by
decided to look into the world of the paranor- itself. I decided to check EMF readings in
mal, and found many possibilities about what to the place where a person’s torso would be
believe. The paranormal is something that is if they were sitting down. Immediately,
not well known about, most people have experi- the EMF meter started to fluctuate, and the
ences; however they cannot tell what it was, a i r i n t h a t space became cooler than the
aside from a description of the phenomena. In air in the room. It was relatively hot in
my freshman year of college, I decided to inves- the basement, where you would start to
tigate the paranormal in a scientific point of sweat if you stood there too long. Well,
view. So, a colleague of mine report- having my colleague from the Campus
ed that in Mount college, when Catholic Ministry, he decid ed to
she was doing laundry at essentially “free” the spirit. So,
about 2:00 a.m., she having carrying holy water all
noticed the TV turn on the time, he said “Rest in
and off by itself. This p e a c e ” i n L a t i n , a n d s p r i n-
seems to be a common k l e d s o m e h o l y w a t e r A CHOICE HAS BEEN MADE...
Courtesy of David K. Ginn
occurrence when where the EMF fluctuat-
paranormal activity ed. Almost immediately,
is near. I decided t h e E M F m e t e r r e t u r n e d t o 2005. We are also looking for members for my
to check it out a few n o r m a l , a n d t h e t e m p e r a t u r e paranormal investigation team. If you go to the
days later, along went back to normal. So what w e b s i t e : w w w . i c . s u n y s b . e d u / C l u b s / s b g h s , y o u
with a few of my was there? There were no vents can fill out an application for a position on the
friends. I had a on top of the chair or around team, and you can also view when the club has
limited amount of t h e c h a i r , a n d t h e d o o r l e a d i n g its meetings and what we will be doing on that
e q u i p m e n t , c o n s i s t- to outside was closed. What meeting. Also, you will be i nformed of ghost
ing of only an EMF caused the air surrounding the hunts/paranormal investigations. I plan to
meter. As we were chair to become cooler than the write more articles as more findings come up, or
checking out the basement room? If I had more equipment with just to inform the public about s o m e p a r a n o r m a l
where the activity had me at the time of that investigation, I terms. So stay tuned everybody.

Current Events Page 19


Page 20 Comics
Comics Page 21
Page 22 Comics
Bartender not available
for shooting.

Bartender: “Sure, knock yourself out.”

Comics Page 23
Page 24 Comics
Sex and The ‘Brook
By Rudy Randall
Article 1: f r o m Q u e e r E y e or Jack from Will & Grace. later I had lost my Virginity.
The Day I Lost My V-Card Also, I absolutely hate really flamboyant guys, We were laying down in his bed and for
for some reason it just gets on my nerves. I like some reason I just started to get antsy. It was
I moved into Stony Brook University at guys, so be a guy. I don’t want someone who four in the morning and I wanted to sleep in my
the beginning of the Fall semester in 2004. I w e a r s m o re make-u p t hen my mom, s t ri ke t hat , own bed. I got up and told him that I had to get
was 18, I was gay, and I was a virgin. Not that I don ’t want someone who wears make-up. back.
there hadn’t been opportunity at any point in But back to the focus of the story. “You live off-campus? I thought you
my life, I was just always scared by intimacy. In My friends were determined to get me lived in a dorm?” he asked.
this day and age, virginity was something very laid. Now after about a month of trying I had “I do,” I replied, “I just gotta get up
rare among people of my age, it seemed everyone given up and decided not to spend so much time early.” I lied.
by their freshman year of college had engaged in thinking about it. So one night John, our friend So I got up and got dressed. I bent down
the act of intercourse. All of my new friends Lynn, her boyfriend, and I decided to go to a to give him a kiss, missed, bent down again and
had done so and I only had one friend back home party in the building next to ours. We entered kissed him. Still kind of buzzed I walked home
that went to college a virgin. This wasn’t a bad the suite of my friend Eric and it was pretty and into John’s suite, he was passed out but I
thing however, it was more of a shock than any- woke him up and told him that I had just had
thing to people. My new friends vowed to help sex, he gave me a thumb’s up and fell asleep. I
me fix this “problem.” woke up in the morning feeling the same as when
I was lucky enough to meet some amazing I had woken up the morning before. I took a
people in the beginning of the semester, we “I was 18, I was gay, shower, got dressed, and headed down to John’s
bonded fast and we became almost like a family. suite. I walked into his room and he immediate-
Ed, my roommate, had been with his girlfriend and I was a virgin...” ly greeted me with a hug and called me a man, as
for over two years before they had sex, which did Ed and Charlie. However, I still didn’t feel
happened to be about two weeks before he moved different. I f elt, the same. I didn’t feel sad, but
into school. He lived relatively close and his I didn’t feel exactly excited, I just didn’t know.
girlfriend was a year younger and a senior in In my rush to get back to the dorm I had
high school so they didn’t have to worry about a
crowded, there was a game of beer pong going on never gotten Mark’s number, and of course this
d i s t a n c e t h i n g , h e g o t t o s e e h e r p r e t t y r e g u l a r-
and they were setting up a game of asshole at a was pre-Facebook so I didn’t have a way to reach
ly. John lived a floor below me and Ed, we
table in the middle. Now, one guy, Mark imme- h i m . L i v i n g i n t h e s a m e q u a d a n d i n t h e b u i l d-
always hung out in his suite and pretty much
d i a t e l y c aught my attention because he was ing next to someone you’d expect to see them
l i v ed t h er e. He h ad l o s t h is v i r g i n i t y wh en h e
pretty flamboyant and I thought that he might quite frequently, but it was a good two weeks
be gay. So I asked John and Lynn and they were
was 17, he had had sex with three girls, one of before I saw Mark again. I was walking up the
pretty sure he was. So, I sat down next to him,
which was a serious girlfriend. He was single path in my quad toward the dining hall and I
and we started talking. He was an all right guy,
now and definitely looking. Charlie, John’s saw him at the top of the path walking towards
a l i t t l e m ore feminine than I usually go for but
suitemate, was a theatre geek who wasn’t a geek me, so as he got closer I waved and said hi. He
he was nice so it didn’t really matter. He was
at all. He had lost his virginity when he was a immediately scowled, turned his face, and kept
sophomore in high school, he had only had sex
cute, funny, and lived in the building next to walking. I was dumbstruck, what the fuck had
w i t h o n e o t h e r g i r l w h o w a s h i s c u r r e n t g i r l-
mine, and it seemed he was interested in me as just happened? I kept walking to t h e d i n i n g h a l l
friend. They were working on a long-distance
well. About two hours and two shots of Devil’s running the twenty seconds over and over in my
Spring later John and Lynn were ready to go, so
relationship as she was also still a senior in mind. What the fuck had just happened? What
I went to get Mark’s number.
high school and was back in his hometown near did I do? Did he even know who I wa s? What the
Westchester. “Why, are you going?” he asked. fuck had just happened? I got an iced tea and
“My friends are going, so…” I replied.
Now, one thing you need to know about nachos and ran back to my room and told Ed
“Well me and a couple of my friends are
me, is that I’m not your average gay guy. My what had just happened.
gonna go watch a movie if you wanna come?”
friends and I have a theory that I wasn’t even “What!” yelled Ed.
supposed to be gay. First of all, I don’t have the
I was tempted, I knew what “watch a “I don’t know, I mean, he just turned his
“gay lisp.” Also, I’m not clean; I’m quite possi-
movie” meant. head, like he didn’t know me.” I said.
bly one of the messiest slobs you’ll ever meet.
“Yeah…yeah, I’ll go, let me just tell my “Where’s he live again? I’m gonna fuck-
However, the most incr iminating piece of evi-
friends I’m leaving.” I told him. ing kick his ass,” Ed asked.
I ran over to John and Lynn who were
dence is the fact that I don’t have Gaydar. I could “You are not” I said, “I don’t really care,
waiting at the door and told them that I was
not point out a gay person if I tried. In only the it just kinda sucks, I just hope I don’t run into
gonna chill here for a little while.
most extreme of cases can I tell, such as Carson him again.”
“Are you sure?”, asked The best thi ng about living in an enor-
Lynn mous university like Stony Brook is that no mat-
THE STONY BROOK PRESS I paused, I wasn’t even
sure of what was going to hap-
ter where you live or where your classes are you
will always see the people you never want to see.
pen, so I said, “Yeah, I’m sure.” I had never seen Mark before on campus and now
John and Lynn left and I saw him at least twice a week. I tried the first
I walked back over to Mark who couple times to acknowledge him or say hi but
was with a couple of people and he just kept giving me the cold shoulder so
we started walking upstairs. I e v e n t u a l l y I j u s t s t o p p e d t r y i n g , a n d e v e n t ua l l y
sat with him on his bed while I stopped seeing him everywhere. Seeing him
the other three or four people four times a week, turned to once. Seeing him
sat on his missing roommate’s once a week turned into once every couple of
bed. Someone pulled out a joint weeks. Many people believe the day they lose
and started passing it around. their virginity will be this big turning point,
A f t e r a c o u p l e h i t s m y i n h i b i- and the person to whom they lose it will be this
tions were out the window so significant character in this life. Not for me. For
we started making out. His me the day I lost my virginity was just another
friends eventually left so we day and the person I lost it to is ju st a n o t h er g u y
started tearing each other’s around campus. I wasn’t bitter, I wasn’t mad, I
clothes off. Everything was just saw it as an experience, something to grow
going good except for one from. We all grow, we all change things about
thing. I don’t know if it was the ourselves and make decisions we might regret,
alcohol, the weed, or if he was but as long as we take our regrets and learn from
WE HAVE YOUR GRATUITOUS just bad, but he couldn’t get it them what is there to regret? I believe every-
up. Believe me, I tried and thing happens for a reason, that you can learn
SLAVE GIRL, AND IF YOU WANT t r i e d b u t h e w a s j u s t n o t w o r k- from everything, Mark happened for a reason,
HER BACK, COME AND GET HER. been ing. Not only had I never even
with someone who was
a n d I le a r n e d t h a t y o u c a n n e v e r t r u s t a g u y t h a t
can’t work his own dick.
naked, I definitely had never
MEETINGS WEDNESDAYS AT 1 pm experienced this, so I climbed To Be Continued…
STUDENT UNION ROOM 060 on top and a couple of minutes

Personal Exposition Page 25


Ask Amberly Jane
What a long, strange trip it’s been. cised and always naked who wanted me to henna onto my platform. “This is my first time to
I just got back from a 10-day orgasm. his penis, and to flog me with 7 varieties of Burning Man!,” she gushed, “And this is my
Wait. Amend. I haven’t gotten back yet. I whips ... one was kangaroo. I politely declined. first time on ecstasy. And this is my first time
was in the Black Rock Desert for Burning Man. Cake, who had Gumby brownies (because that’s kissing a girl - can I make out with you?” To
Missed the first 2 weeks of school to attend. My what they reduce you to). The pilot with tanger- which I didn’t hesitate and smi l e d w i d e l i k e a
mind melted; I left it somewhere on the playa. ine pot and gourmet mushroom chocolates. royal flush and nodded because the music was
Stats I’ve rattled off myriad times - 35,000 Johnnie the fire-swallower from Kansas City. thumping and she wouldn’t have heard me any-
crazy, naked or otherwise artistic people on the Babycakes, artist from ... i forget, with a grin way. Laser beams flocked around her like birds
moon, otherwise known as Nevada, the playa it’s like the Beer Barrel Polka. Easy and his around Saint Francis. The sky so t h i c k w i t h m i l-
called - something hard, cracked and alkaline, Hawaiian cuddle-dome. Randy lads from New lions of the brightest vanilla stars I’ve ever
that you can scrub pans with, and coats your Zealand, Ireland and Scotland - and an seen, magnanimous, from horizon to horizon,
skin with ivory pantyhose, and dreads your Englishman looking to have clown sex. Radiant and a long strip of Milky Way creaming straight
hair. and Sawdust, Sunshine and Glitter - 37-year- through. The moon mango, and thin as a tortilla.
I t ’ s o n e h a r s h m o t h e r f u c k i n g e n v i r o n- old millionaire Silicon Valley swingers. Bunny And there I was, swaying to heavy drums and
ment: deathly hot during the day, freezing at Joe with Eons of ecstatic love. Sharky, perfect techno vibrations teased into rhythm, my clit
night; no vegetation of any kind, no insects on body, dark and wide of girth... buzzing like a cicada, kaleidoscope sunbursts
the flat Tatooine nothingness in every direction, Yeah, I explored a lot of bodies under the behind my eyes, sucking on the tongue of a
except for distant purple super-tit majesties expansive sky. You don’t sleep much, and by the lilly-white goddess.
and the carnival psychedelica of course, a feast end your under-eye skin sags like fresh dough I saw 9 shooting stars in the Nevada sky;
for every eye and orifice - not even interrupted d r i p p i n g from a baker’s spoon. before Burning Man, I had seen 0.
by 70 mph dust storms - all centered around Nothing is recognizable to your subcon- I rode my bike many miles everyday
The Man, a 100-foot neon-laced wooden figure scious eye - you are bombarded with house- across the moon, with goggles, a necessity, and
atop a fun house, which gets burned to the s i z e d m a g e nt a h e a d s b u r i e d i n t h e g r o u n d j u s t water - piss clear is the motto to live by if you
ground on the last night, while sienna-hued above the lip, giant movie-screen rainbow twin- don’t want to end up shriveled like Napoleon’s
bodies, swelling with heat, dance to the drums kle Light Brights, intricate contraptions of wood 2-inch jarred penis (at a museum in Zurich, I
and destruction - dance as if freed from all the and metal - fire-spewing dragons, Tron-cycles, believe). Yet I probably only saw 10% of the
fetters that bind you to life. eyeballs and cupcakes that humans drove from whole shebang, organized by streets named
But we’ll return to this land of coaxial the inside, Cheshire cat with the ear-to-ear, 20- Amnesia, Bi-Polar, Catharsis, Delirium, Ego,
imagination in a sec. foot bananas (with Viagra license plate), a giant Fetish (get it - alphabetical, so even when your
For all you freshies: welcome to the col- blue pig with Vertigo eyes - all Art Cars that INCREDIBLY fucked up, you can usually find
umn. it’s been cuming strong for - good god, carry people to and fro ... ebb and flo. your way.)
nearly three years now - delighting young and A phone booth in the middle of Mad Max Speaking of, I tasted three new drugs at
mature with the sex-capades, drug-capades, and country (and yes, there was a Thunderdome. Two the Burn: poppers - inhaled, feels like whip-its;
uncensored jubilee firestorm orgy of yours man enter, one man leave...) was a receiver to ecstasy - I felt very much like usual, I must be
truly, a deviant. A pervert. A social malcontent God. Out of order - seems god is on holiday. A ecstatic all the time. And DMT - smoked, zero to
and nature-loving anarchist. 100-story ladder shooting 90 degrees into 85 in .2 seconds. ‘You took too much man, too
I r e c e i v e m a n y l e t t e r s o f l u s t - n o q u e s- space. much...’ Good news: it only lasts 10 minutes.
tion too insane, impure, or impolite. I loathe D i cky, a forlorn roustabout, encased A tangent about being ecstatic: When I
political-correctness, a censor of one’s mind. I h i m s e l f i n a c l ea r p la st i c c ubi cl e. H e w as t ryi ng was in Tampa, during the tail-end of my year
want to know the size - big as a baby’s arm, and to artistically delve into the root of alienation, a n d a h a l f c r o s s - c o u n t r y j o u r n e y t h a t c u l m i n a t-
smel l - ect o p l asm an d g i n g er b r ead . Hal l el u j ah . but in my opinion it was just a cleve r ruse to get ed in attendance at Stony Brook, I worked
Happily for me, my curiosity is a radio left on the female sympathy vote. briefly selling artwork out the back of my con-
all night at full volume, and the neighbors com- And costumes. Glorious tribal, sultans, vertible. Met a great variety of humans who, if I
plain and the cops come, happily for me, I get technicolor ball gowns, fuzzy flashing and I- read about them in a book, would have been
glorious expressive letters. don’t-know-what. I’m describing that which qui t e s ure t hey w ere fic t i t i ous . O n c e , I h a p-
Everyone has a story. Share yours, if allows description - the rest there are no words pened upon a Scientologist stronghold, and they
you dare. for - 3-story interactive clock apparati that convinced me to take their patented Life
On to the Burn - I was lovingly accosted when you dance on the neon platforms of dis- Happiness Quiz (250 questions!)
by Naked Bruce at the gate. Name self-explana- o r i e n t a t i o n w i t h f i r e - p i t s a n d t h o u s a n d s o f b o d- They graph the results, and where it
tory. Electra spanked me that first night - an ies writhing post-apocalyptic-style, fractal dips below a certain line, that’s the area you
initiation for virgin Burners. Sparkle and Dr. l a s e r f o r mations appear in front of you and you need help. Well, they looked back and forth at
Wow, a 75-year-old couple camped next to me, a r e p r e s e n t e d w i t h t h e a n s w e r s t o l i f e ’ s q u e s- each other, in their crisp matching T-shirts,
regularly showering outside in the raw. tions.
There was the Russian also, uncircum- An adorable nymph in white climbed Continued on next page

The Stony Brook Press


rm 060 in the Student Union
www.thepress.info #2-6451
Meetings every Wednesday at 1pm
Page 26 Ask Amberly Jane
Ask Amberly Jane
Continued from previous page bubbly to fellow wayfarers. After a hug and
and stared at me in disbelief. some convo, maybe we would share an adventure,
“We’ve never seen anyone as well- then part and start the cycle anew.
adjusted as you. You must be very content. We As a community, there are appearances
can’t help you.” of certain human social leanings - Rumors: like
“I am,” I said, “and No, you can’t.” Lindsey Lohan was there, or the Playboy
About the daily Burn: people say Bunnies - who were giving out passes to party
‘Welcome Home’, and you may think it’s hokey, with Hugh. Also, suspicions of narcs and don’t
but for a 10-day orgasm I’ll take an eye-roll eat the brown acid.
here and there. People want to help you, love No one is stuffy or ill-mannered, (except
you, kiss you, shower you with compliments, f o r t h e b a d - t r i p a n d n o - s e x c r o w d - o n e d o w n-
anything on the spectrum. side to an orgy, usually someone’s left with a
S om e o f t h e P r i n c i p l e s - R a d i c a l hard-on.) Some people go to be different people,
Inclusion, Self-Reliance and Self-Expression. presumably who you’re afraid to be in public -
Gifting (Money is discouraged). Leave No Trace. in the ‘default’ world, as we came to regard it.
Participation and Communal Effort. Some go to be themselves, unencumbered by the
Those are the principles, the essence, pressure of social graces, inspired and in touch
isolated from commotion and myth. with the archives of crudest instinct ... etched

How do you
in breath is the desire to be free.

prepare for your


commute?

Join the
Commuter
Student
Association!

NIGHT OF THE BURN ... JUST ANOTHER COUPLE FREAKS, IN THE FREAK KINGDOM. Meetings
THESE PARTICULAR FREAKS ARE AMBERLY JANE ON THE LEFT, JAMIE MIGNONE RIDING LIFE IN THE

Wednesday
MIDDLE AND THE LOVELY PAULA GUY ON THE RIGHT.
Courtesy of Cousin Paully

at 1pm in the
It is a community without phones, TV or And at the end, when the Man was
iPod. Nearly anything wanted - is had. Taoist burned, all 10 stories crunching in red-hot
Erotic Massage for lovers, Pole Dancing Class, licks of flame, bodies convulsing to the drums
in and out of melody, crossing the beats like a

University Cafe
Advanced Rope Bondage, Porn & Eggs, Dilat ed
People’s Eye Spa, Bald Head Decorating, Heavy jaywalker dodging taxicabs, road signs are
Petting Zoo, Celtic Maze, Sangria Soiree’s, Juke stolen and many start packing up, meaning your
Joints and Freudian Slipper Lounge’s. None of usual landmarks disappear, and you must use
which I got to - distraction is like a magnet ... C a s s i o p e i a i n t h e b ri ght mal t ed s ky t o g ui de
stimulus overload is inevitable. you.
From Make-out Monday to Threesome I’m sorry, but I must halt at the moment.
Thursday, Fetish Friday and 69 Saturday, Plans are coalescing, and I have to leave; taking
Graffiti Night, Beer Socials, Shanty Ho Down’s ... a juicy bite of the big apple for a dear friend’s
Tents you could visit at certain times to get free birthday tonight - eyeball on deadline. Always
panca kes, saki, oral sex, oranges, coffee, hash, on the move, you know. Can’t get to letters this
panties... week, they’ve been stacking up from over the
I participated in Critical Tits, a bike summer - for those of you inquiring about my
rally for thousands of topless women. During safety, confused, thought I was washed up some
the after-party, the only men allowed in were shore - Naw man, I’m all good.
serving - circulating with trays of fruit and
c a n d y , m a s s a g i n g , b o d y - p a i n t i n g , f a n n i n g , r u b- E-mail: AskAmberlyJane@hotmail.com.
bing glitter and otherwise worshiping you and Next week: Lurid stories.
your body. Not a bad way to spend a sunny Tequila body shots.
afternoon. Girl goes to Amsterdam. Girl sits in
Paully, my cousin (who bought my tick- hotel room and reads Bible. Help is on the way.
et and the RV we stayed in, and is one generous Building refurbished: Why does the
bastard), brought 12 cases of champagne. I downstairs still smell like diaper?
would wander around on drugs, offering the Karma Sutra position of the week...

Ask Amberly Jane Page 27


Lehigh Blanks Seawolves Women’s Soccer
By Antony Lin
O n t h e s u n n y a n d b e a u t i f u l S u n d a y a f t e r- ing Lewis down the wing. Lewis fired a slow The best chance for the Seawolves in the
noon at Kenneth P. LaValle Stadium, the Stony roller from 8 yards out past Kafka. While Kafka s e c o n d h a l f w o u l d c om e o n e m i n u t e l a t e r .
Brook Seawolves fell to the Lehigh Mountain was beaten, Lehigh forward, Michaela Pawlewicz F a s u l l o f o u n d A l l e n b e r g . A l l e n b e r g l o f t e d a
Hawks 2-0. About 130 would be in attendance was able to get a foot to it, knocking the ball at short ball finding Lewis in all alone. Lewis’
for the affair. her own post, effort from 9
The Seawolves started the match with a leaving the ball yards out hits
4-5-1 formation, while the Mountain Hawks also loose in the the near post
appeared to be using the 4-5-1 as well. The first box, which was and bounces
half saw Lehigh attacking frequently, creating then cleared. out of play. “It
more of the opportunities. “It was tough. We A s is a game of
needed more runs off the ball. It was a good first Stony Brook inches. We hit
half, but we have to work on capitalizing,” stat- looked to the post twice
ed left winger Trine Allenberg. equalize in the and it bounces
The visitors would score off a counterat- second half, out. Lehigh hits
t a c k i n t h e 1 0t h minute after a loss of posses- L e h i g h c o n t i n- the post and it
sion on the left wing. Midfielder/forward, u e d i t s p r e s- bounces in,”
Daniela Molina, found Gina Lewandowski off a sure. The stated head
through ball. Lewandowski went in all alone and M o u n t a i n coach Sue Ryan.
slotted the ball off the far post and in. Hawks would go S t o n y
Four minutes later Stony Brook nearly u p 2 - 0 i n t h e THE TEAMS EXCHANGE THE “HIGH FIVE” AFTER THE GAME, Brook drops to
equalized. Right winger, Danielle Lewis played 54 t h m i n u t e . Courtesy of Joy Dutta 1-4-1 on the
the ball ahead looking for forward, Tiffany Midfielder, Jen season while
Fasullo. Mountain Hawks goalkeeper, Julie Fetsick chested L e h i g h
Kafka rushed out but was unable to pounce on it. down a ball from fellow midfielder, Shannon improves to 5-0-0. “They are a good team.
With the net empty and the ball ending up at the Lockwood. Fetsick was able to put the ball into Technically, they were very good. Danielle
feet of Lewis, Lewis’ cross was cleared away. t h e f a r p ost from 8 yards out. Lewis played very well. ” said Allenberg.
After missing the last couple of games, The visitors nearly tripled its lead in “The high emotion from Friday night
right back Kirsandra Seaton would return in the t h
t h e 7 7 m i n u t e . M i d f i e l d e r , L a u r e n C a l a b r e s e made it difficult to us. We have to look at what
20 t h minute. “On the positive note of today’s s h o t f r o m p o i n t b l a n k m e t u p w i t h a n o n r u s h i n g we did well and get ready for St. Johns on the
game, Kirsandra returned. It is good to see her Bennett, who was able to make the save. “We road since it is a big rivalry. I am happy that we
re-enter mentioned coach Ryan. w e n t f o r t h e w i n r a t h e r t h a n k e e p i n g i t c l o s e b y are fighting hard. The next step is to get the
The greatest opportunity of the match putting four forwards up top. We always want to result,” stated coach Ryan.
for the Seawolves would come in the 25t h give the team a chance to win. By doing this, we
m i n u t e . A l l e n b e r g p l a c e d a n i c e l o n g b a l l f i n d- left the back exposed,” explained coach Ryan.

Seawolves March Over The Saints


By Antony Lin
An estimated crowd of 350 were in Her effort from 17 yards out was saved and held The insurance goal however, would come
attendance at Kenneth P. LaValle Stadium on the onto by Saints keeper, Patti Caroll. i n t h e 8 2n d minute off a setup by Barbuto.
Friday evening as the Stony Brook Seawolves, in Stony Brook’s best opportunity in the Barbuto found Allenberg making a run down the
their home opener, battled the Siena Saints to a f i r s t h a l f would come in the 37t h minute off a left. Her near post shot curled past Caroll to
2-0 win. “We had good support tonight. It was fantastic buildup on a counter. Forward, Jackie make it 2-0. “Going towards goal I saw my team-
good to be home after a long road trip. We went Anthony found midfielder, Kristin Mishrell mate (Allenberg) wide and Trine n a i l e d a b e a u-
down to Florida and we also faced some tough from about 40 yards out. With Lewis sprinting tiful shot,” stated Barbuto.
fields on the road,” said head coach, Sue Ryan. towards the middle, Mishrell sent a splendid The win improved Stony Brook to a 1-3-
Stony Brook began the match with the 4- through ball finding Lewis, whose one-timer 1 record, while Siena drops to 2 - 3 - 0 o n t h e s e a-
5-1 formation, while the Saints used the 4-4-2. f r o m p o i nt blank sailed just wide of the right son. “We came off a losing streak and wanted it
Due to the injury of Kirsandra Seaton, Kelly post off an onrushing Caroll. bad. The same intensity to win i s e x p e ct ed th e
Bahnsen took over the right back position. The Seawolves would get their first next game,” mentioned midfielder, Kate
“Kelly has never played in the back and she vol- opportunity in the second half three minutes in. Attenberger.
unteered to play there. She has a great mentali- Lewis’ cross from the right skipped pas s a few
ty and she is doing a great job. For her, it is all
about the team, “stated coach Ryan.
and found its way to left winger, Trine
Allenberg. Allenberg’s shot from 8 yards would
Seawolves Women’s Soccer
The start of the first half saw the visi- sail just high of the crossbar. Capture Title and Coach
tors applying heavy pressure towards the
Seawolv es backline. The Saints first opportuni-
Another golden opportunity would come
f o r t h e h o m e s i d e i n t h e 6 0t h m i n u t e . A n t h o n y
Ryan’s Milestone
t y c a m e i n t h e 3r d m i n u t e a s S i e n a d e f e n d e r , placed a through ball to Lewis. Lewis’ shot from
In the second game of the quadruple
Kate Goodwin’s shot was easily handled by 11 yards out was denied by the far post.
header, the Stony Brook women’s team also
Seawolves goalkeeper, Cindy Bennett. The pressure put on by Stony Brook
captured the Holiday Inn Express
The Saints’ best opportunity would come w o u l d f i n ally pay off in the 71s t m i n u t e t h a n k s
Invitational title by defeating St. Francis 2-0.
just three minutes later. Bennett came out well to a “golazo” from midfielder Brooke Barbuto.
Goalkeeper Cindy Bennett, along with defend-
to stop the shot of Siena’s forward, Kristen After eluding a Saints defender, Barbuto
ers Kirsandra Seaton, and Marisa Nucci made
Turner, off a breakaway. Turner was able to col- cracked one from 35 yards out, finding the
the All-Tournament team. Forward Tiffany
lect her own rebound only to have her shot upper left of the goal. “Coach Ryan told me to get
Fasullo took home the honor of Most Valuable
cleared off the line from Seawolves left back, t h e b al l and score. I got the ball and turned, and
Player
Chelsea Van Horn. then I nailed the shot,” said Barbuto.
The victory also marked a milestone
The home side would get their first Just a minute later, Mishrell nearly got
for head coach Sue Ryan. Ryan now has 150
o p p o r t u n i t y i n t h e 1 0t h minute. Off a cutback, the insurance goal. Mishrell cut the ball to her
v i c t o r i e s i n h e r 2 1s t season as head coach of
right winger, Danielle Lewis was able to find r i g h t a n d u n l e a s h e d o n e f r o m 2 5 y a r d s o u t , s a i l-
Stony Brook.
lone forward of the first half, Tiffany Fasullo. ing inches wide of the near post.

Page 28 Sports
Despite Loss, Seawolves Men’s Soccer
Captures Title
By Antony Lin
O n t h e b e a u t i f u l a n d c l e a r S u n d a y come four minutes later off a loss of possession onrushing Michael Testa.
evening, a crowd of 250 showed in the Seawolves end. Three minutes later, the home side
up to see the Columbia Lions Forward, Tom Smith’s shot would get an even better opportunity. Palacio
blank the Stony Brook from 13 yards out was took on two Columbia defenders and laid it off to
Seawolves 1-0 on the final day easily handled by Xikis. midfielder, Matt Avellino. Av e l l i n o ’ s r i g h t -
of the Holiday Inn Express Stony Brook was able to footed effort from 28 yards out unfortunately
Invitational. The match was the create more opportunities found only the left post.
fourth of a quadruple header at in the second half, but it The last opportunity for the equalizer
Kenneth P. LaValle Stadium. was Columbia who man- would come in the 82n d m i n u t e . D e f e n d e r M a r k
“It was a tough game. aged to get what wo u l d b e Zajkowski, sent a long ball that skipped to
We did not wake up until the the game-winning goal, a Palacio. Taking on two defenders on the left
4 0t h t o 5 0t h minute. We were minute into the second wing, Palacio lofted the ball over a defender to
unlucky in the second half. We half. Off a cross from himself. His shot from 7 yards out forced Testa
were preparing all week after midfielder Drew Ford, into making an excellent jumping save, prevent-
coming back from playing Smith fired a shot past ing any rebound.
Howard University,” said cen- Xikis to make it 1-0 for With the loss, Stony Brook ends their
ter midfielder, Michael the visitors. five-game unbeaten streak and drops to 4-2-1
Palacio. on the season while The Lions improve to 3-5-0.
The match started off in “It was just a beautiful “We just ran out of gas. Columbia is good.
a slow and defensive pace, see- goal.” There was not a lot We tried to match them in the second half,”
ing Columbia with more of the you can do about it,” stat- stated Markovich.
possession. Stony Brook ed head coach Cesar Despite its loss, Stony Brook was still
employed a 3-5-2, while Markovich. crowned the champions of the 2005 Holiday Inn
Columbia appeared to be using The Lions nearly doubled Express Invitational due to goal differential. In
the 4-4-2. t h e i r l e a d i n t h e 5 7t h the preceding game, Lafayette won by a 1-0
The first opportunity of minute. Midfielder, Will margin over Fairfield. Two nights ago, the
the match would come for the Lee’s cross from the right Seawolves defeated Lafayette 3-0, while
t h
L i o n s i n t h e 9 m i n u t e . F r o m TOURNAMENT MVP, MICHAEL PALACIO wing found Smith, whose Fairfield defeated Columbia 1-0.
t h e r i g h t s i d e , m i d f i e l d e r J o h n Courtesy of www.goseawolves.org header sailed wide of the Avellino and defender Rob Fucci made
Mulhern cracked one from 27 far left post. the All-Tournament team for the Seawolves,
y a r d s o u t s a i l i ng j u s t w i d e o f The Seawolves would get while Palacio was named the tournament’s Most
the far post. Nevertheless, Seawolves goalkeep- t h e i r f i r s t g r e a t o p p o r t u n i t y i n t h e 6 3r d Valuable Player.
er, EJ Xikis appeared to have had the shot cov- m i n u t e . P alacio, lofted a through ball to sprint-
ered. ing forward. Chris Megaloudis. Megaloudis went
T h e v i s i t o r s ’ n e x t o p p o r t u n i t y w o u l d in all alone, only to have his shot saved from an

Sports Page 29
Hey, Who Ordered the Reviews?
Graham Coxon - Kiss of Morning By Stephanie Hayes

Walking around Camden-town


Illustration by Steph Hayes

This is my favorite Graham Coxon album. At first listen it may seem too simple but each song, whether it’s loaded with an infectious catchi-
ness or a lone acoustic guitar, is nearly perfect. The mish-mash of musical genres from one track to the next is so great that the most critical lis-
tener can probably find something gratifying. However, The Kiss of Morning is never hindered by its experimentalism. Coxon’s voice, which manages
to sound vulnerable yet uncontrived, ties each song together smoothly. His singing is perfectly suited for the strange, sad, personal lyrics it carries.
More so than his previous solo albums, this effort showcases his talents, apart from being the former Blur guitarist. Graham Coxon’s latest album,
Happiness in Magazines, was released earlier this year.

20

20

Page 30 Reviews
Book House

One of the last remaining independent


bookstores in Suffolk County is closing
October 1. Short Stack, Table 3
The Book House has been around for
decades, selling used books, often those that
are out of print, to the community. Situated
alongside the actual Lake Ronkonkoma, this
Lost - The Complete First
Season DVD
literary landmark has relied for three
decades on word of mouth, and humble, small
fliers with a sketch of the Book House and a
map of its location on t he lake to advertise it.
The Book House was formerly a snack shop By David K. Ginn
when the Lake was a popular summertime Lost: The Complete Now let’s jump
destination back in the 1960s, and retained First Season kicks ass. ahead to the bonus fea-
the unassuming architecture it had from that There is so much ass kicked tures, because that’s
time. Unlike mainstream bookstores, with by this DVD set, I don’t know what we all came for,
their impersonal staff and hip, at times faux if anything could ever kick isn’t it? The documen-
intellectual environments, The Book H o u s e ass again. Well, perhaps taries rock really hard.
was as real as they come. Breezes of the lake that’s exaggerating. Check them out.
served as natural air conditioning. The fact Truthfully, there could have You’ve got your
that The Book House had no heat in the win- been more. I wanted more. deleted scenes (plus two
ter was no deterrent for the true literary But it’s cool. I liked it any- cut flashbacks from the
afficionados that have often frequented the way. finale) and some amazing
place. The grandfatherly owner cares more The show rocked, of bloopers. The bloopers
about rapport with his family of customers course, but we will not dis- made me laugh. They
than his bottom line. cuss that here. I’ve reviewed made me laugh heartily
every single episode already and fully.
in past issues, so now I’m The documentary
about ready to focus on the features are fantastic.
This is what we call “Editorial DVDs. Most of them are about
Space.” It’s created when we’ve got a little bit There are seven the pilot, but they all
of white space and nothing to fill it with. I discs. The first six have all cover other aspects of the
am going to fill it with what is said to me the episodes, and the last show as well. Perhaps
next. has the special features. the coolest feature is the
“Can I see how it’s coming along?” There are only a handful of auditions section. Here
“Prazak, come here! Prazak!” commentaries, but they are we see all of the actors
(Zombie moaning follows) of course awesome. Both a u d i t i o n i n g f o r c o m-
“Hey, Rob...What’s up? You call me?” parts of the pilot, plus a few pletely different roles.
other episodes have decent It’s amazing.
Tune in next issue when we’ve got lit- commentary tracks, but above all make sure to Yeah, I don’t have much more to say. I’m
tle holes to fill with nonsense. watch the commentary on The Moth, otherwise gonna go back to watching the show.
known as DMS: The Dominic Monaghan Show.
Yes, it is indeed awesome.

Reviews Page 31
Author’s Armchair
by Andrew Pernick
This issue is my first back in the saddle and how. That said, NEVER let your spelling back from those you have entrusted to edit it,
as Copy Editor. And, speaking of editing and suffer–there is no excuse for typos. Thus, it is m a k e w h a t e v e r r e v i s i o n s y o u f e e l a r e a p p r o p r i-
editors, we have the theme for this installment easier to strive to have writing that works with- ate. Remember, you are the author, not them. It
of Author’s Armchair: editing. An author is, in the context of the larger work than it is to is up to you to know whether their suggestions
more often than not, his harshest critic. make your work grammatically perfect first and should be implemented. Over time, you will
Writing, when it comes to self-editing, is suf- then have to suffer through the agony of making develop a sixth sense for when to stop editing.
fering–an author suffers for his work, sweating it fit within the rest of the text. Once you do, this skill will stay with you for
bullets, bleeding from the wounds he inflicts on Second, make sure you ha ve a copy of the life, taking much of the pain out of the editing
his psyche and his ego. For most autho rs, noth- r e s t o f t h e text on-hand. This serves two pur- process, and making the writing process itself
ing is ever good enough, nothing is ever truly poses. For one, it allows you to make sure you easier as you start to edit while you are writing.
perfect. This is the nature of the beast. maintain continuity at all times. For another, it Until then, trust your instincts and the advice
There is a fine line between an edited ensures that you have ready access to your prior of those you turn to. Happy Writing!
text and an over-edited text. The goal of every d e c i s i o n s , s t y l i s t i c a n d t h e m a t i c e l e m e n t s , p a t-
a u t h o r i s t o s t r a d d l e t h a t l i n e , t o p u s h t h e e n v e- terns of speech for your characters, and even
lope, so to speak, so that his work represents the metaphors and similes you’ve already used.
best possible reflection of his talents. This is In addition, you could try finding a
where the pain comes in. Sentences need to be writer’s circle. For those of you who are not in
cut, entire paragraphs need to be reworded, the know, a writer’s circle is a group of writers
entire chapters may need to be rebuilt from the who get together to improve their work. A good
ground up or, worse still, scrapped. This is also circle is equal parts professional development
where the art comes in. When one reaches the center, support group, and social club. Finding
editing phase, one must remember that there is a writer’s circle is simply a matter of a little
more to editing than simply correcting the time, a little bit of Googling, and some patience.
mechanics. The first critical question is, of That said, it does take some time to find a circle
course, “Is it grammatically correct?” The sec- that works for you, so you may not find the right
ond, harder, question is, “Does it work?” one on the first try.
My first piece of advice this: answer the While we’re on the topic of having others
s e c o n d q u e s t i o n f i r s t . O n e m u s t s t r i v e t o m a i n- help you in the editing process, you could also
tain stylistic, thematic and dramatic elements. try submitting it to online forums such as
Continuity is key. It is permissible to have the www.fictionpress.com or the MegaTokyo
occasional sentence fragment if style or theme Creative Writing forum on Piro’s Corner
demands it. It is permissible to have a run-on (forums.megatokyo.com). That said, I must give
sentence here or there. These two facts are dou- you a word of warning: the MT forum has a rat-
bly important in dialog–remember, no one ever ings system for the degree of criticism to be
speaks in perfect English all the time. T he levied upon a submis sion, ranging from an F1
mark of a good author is to know when to break (good or bad) to an F5 (an in-depth analysis,
the rules with scathing criticism); unless you are very
c o n f i d e n t in you r wo rk and h ave an ext remel y
healthy ego capable of handling the possibility
that your work might be publicly ripped to
shreds online, don’t request anything above an
F3.
When it comes to choosing an
editor, many people think that
their best friend or lover would
make a good ch oice. This is a mind-
bogglingly BAD idea–a best friend
knows you, and wants to keep you
on as their friend. This is doubly
so for a lover. Thus, they will not be
honest in their criticism; instead,
they will view your work through
rose-colored glasses and will not
give you the honest, constructive
criticism you need. Instead, turn to
someone who has proven himself to
be honest, objective, and critical, yet
fair. DON’T turn to best friends or
lovers.
Once you’ve received your work

www.AndrewPernick.com
Page 32 Authorial Help
Dear Prostentnic Vogon Jeltz,

I’m a teacher at a city high school and I have a problem. Dear Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz,
My kids won’t listen to me no matter what I do. They are
always rowdy and they won’t stop talking even when I It’s my grandmother’s 5,397t h birthday and I don’t know what plan-
am trying to teach. I have tried everything, yelling, et to hold her birthday party on. Since she’s really o l d a n d h a s s e e n
pleading, assigning more homework, calling parents, many planets, she wants to go somewhere exotic, preferably to a
but they won’t sit down and learn. Do you have any place where not many tourists go. Could you suggest some places for
advice for me? me, please?
—Tryin’ to Teach in Detroit —Party Animal on Bethselamin

Dear Tryin’ to Teach, Dear Party Animal,

I see you have quite a problem on your hands. When There is an entire space-time continuum full of
my crewmembers get rowdy, such as shouting too interesting sights and wonderful experiences. I
q u i e t l y o r l u m b e r i n g a r o u n d i n a w a y I d o n ’ t p a r t i c- would recommend having a bite to eat at Millway’s,
ularly like, I sit them down quietly and read them but then again taking a woman nearing death’s door
some of my poetry. They are always screaming for more to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe may not
when they hear it, but when it’s over they are nice and be the best idea. Might I then recommend the plan-
calm and will listen and obey anything I say. They will et Traal? There you can see unique creature called
even tell me how much they like my poems. the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Be cautious,
Hopefully, it will work for you, but if you are not as however, the Bugblatter Beast often preys on elder-
talented as I in writing poetry, you can just exe- ly women, regardless of species. My own grand-
cute half the class as a disciplinary exercise. I did mother fell victim to one of these creatures last
that with my crew the other day, and I must say not only is year, and though it very much angered me, I did not save her
the crew shouting and lumbering just the way I like them to shout and as I did not receive the orders to do so from Vogsphere.
lumber, but I myself feel much better. If it is your wish to observe simple, primitive, yet exotic creatures, might
then I recommend a planet in the western spiral arm of th e g al ax y c al le d
Earth? It’s a lovely planet, but you have to hurry if you want to see it,
Dear Vogon Guard, because in twelve minutes it will be demolished in order to build a
hyperspace bypass. But at least there when you go to the lavatory, you
Hi, I’m recently unemployed and am looking for a job, but I don’t know won’t need a receipt.
what’s out there. I’m trying to find something where I would have oppor-
tunities to climb the proverbial ladder, you know what I mean? I don’t
want to work behind a register, or to be stocking shelves. I want some- Dear Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz,
thing that’s somewhat enjoyable and with room for advancement. What do
you think I should do? I am very confused about the Universe, specifically how we all came
—Poor in Pittsburg about. All the people of my planet say that the Universe was sneezed out
of the nose of the Great Green Arkleseizure, but I think life slowly
Dear Poor, evolved into what it is today. What do you think? Am I right to disagree
with my fellow Jatravartids, or am I totally off base?
You can always become a guard on a Vogon spac ecraft. The hours are very —Confused on Viltvodle VI
good, although the actual minutes aren’t all that enjoyable. But you will
h a v e m a n y i m p o r t a n t r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s , s u c h a s s h o u t i n g , t h a t you give you Dear Confused,
the feeling that you are truly part of a team! Try this, repeat after me:
“RESISTANCE IS USELESS!!!” Did you enjoy that? I’m sure you did. The I think it is foolish to put faith in evolution. It is not needed, despite what
most fun thing about this job, without a doubt, is throwing people out of many proponents of the theory claim. Look at my people. We came out of
the airlock. M y aunt says a ship’s security guard is a perfect job for a the seas of Vogsphere and decided that
young Vogon, so I’m pretty sure it’s a perfect job for whatever you are. evolution was too much of a waste of
Remember, RESISTANCE IS USELESS!!!! time. Who really needs it anyway?
Vogonity turned out just fine. So
yes, the Vogons are living proof
Dear Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, that evolution is a myth, so feel
free to go back and wait for the
I am in big trouble! I recently took out a huge loan from the Coming of the Great Wh ite
bank in order to pay my mortgage, but I lost all the relevant Handkerchief with the rest of
forms needed for the money. I had originally tried to use my your multi-armed kind.
cr e d i t car d s t o p ay i t , b u t t h ey wer e al l o v er t h e l i mi t . I mo r t-
gaged my house because I owed thousands of dollars to the gov-
ernment because I hadn’t paid my taxes in three years and they
caught me hiding a lot of income that was supposed to have been
claimed. If I don’t come out with a lot of money fast, they are going
to take everything I own, even my house, and put me in jail!
Help!
—Fiscally Irresponsible in Florida

Dear Fiscally Irresponsible,

Sorry, but I can’t help you.


You didn’t send this letter
t h r o u g h t h e p r o p e r c h a n-
nels. When you send a
letter to which you want
to receive a reply, you
m u s t i n c l u d e t h e r e g i s-
tration form signed in
triplicate, sent in, sent
back, queried, lost, found,
subject to public inquiry,
lost again, and finally buried
in soft pleat for three months
and recycled as fire lighters.
When you have filled out all the
necessary forms, for the small fee of
600 Altarian Dollars or 9 Ningis (1
Pu), then send in your question again and
I’ll happily give you some advice and maybe
even read you some of my poetry.

We do this all for you! Page 33


The Stony Brook Press Proudly Presents...

101 Ways To Skin A Cat


101) Hedge Clippers 47) Expose it to UPN’s exciting fall lineup. (Honestly, the season finale
100) Velcro of Buffy marked the quick, downward spiral)
99) Tearing off lots of Band-Aids 46) A knife. Try a simple fucking knife.
98) Concentrated Acid 45) Full body wax
97) A really powerful lint roller 44) Lightsaber battle over hot magma
96) Convince it that removing fur is a symbol of 43) Ask the cat to paint its self-portrait into The
social dissent Last Judgement
95) More Velcro 42) Flesh-eating bacteria
94) Organize a leaflet campaign condemning fur 41) Offer $20 federal gold dollars for each Injun kitt y
93) Yeah, try a little more Velcro scalp
92) Turn the cat on its back, place it on a hot skil- 40) Random fact: Vin Diesel’s mere presence once caused a
let, wait for three minutes and then pull it off cat to skin itself
91) Run it through the drain disposal 39) A particularly vicious shiatsu massage
90) Strap a hose to its back and syphon 38) Glue socks to it and surprise it in an attempt to mak e i t
89) Send it to China jump out of its socks. Hilarity ensues
88) If Velcro doesn’t work, try duct tape 37) Transpose it to a Dali painting
87) Superglue the cat to a set of train tracks. When 36) Cast it in Mission: Impossible 3 where it removes its
t h e t r a i n c o m e s , s i t b a c k a n d w a t c h t h e c a t s k i n i t s e l f a s i t t ries to escape skin to reveal it’s really a scientologist
86) Suspend the cat with a stomach harness with a suspended sheet of fly- 35) Prevent it from making a daily call to its girlfriend
paper on its back. Place a ball of yarn four feet from the harness and 3 4 ) T e l l i n e p t m i d d l e s c h o o l s h o p s t u d e n t s t h a t t h e c a t i s t h e i r f i n a l p r o j-
watch the cat swing ect
85) George Foreman Lean, Mean, Skinnin’ and Grinnin’ Machine 33) Bonsai Kitty
84) Tie the cat to Superman and have him fly at top speed 32) Roll it down the Rockies
83) Scare it 31) Dress it as a baby seal and send it to the arctic
82) Construct a time machine and send the cat back to 30) Cat + blooming onion = genius
Nagasaki (may be overkill) 29) Feed it to the DOGS
8 1 ) S e a l t h e c a t i n q u i c k - d r y i n g c e m e n t a n d t h e n c h i s- 28) Zombie bite. Decomposition will do the rest
el it free 27) Strap it to a chair and subject it to Danish art films
80) Incisive wit 26) Ask the cat to “take it off” for you
79) Have Pat Robertson pray for skinned cats. Let 25) Anti-PETA backscratcher
divine intervention take its course. 24) Nuclea r catnip with uranium 238
7 8 ) P ot a t o p e e l e r 23) Recast F a c e / O f f w i t h c a t s
77) Sawzall 22) Lose it in a carpet factory
76) Blender 21) Mail it to Buffalo Bill
75) Hang cat over knives and wait for Vogon paperwork 20) Go away
to come through. 19) Stop reading
74) Possess the cat with a demon and exorcise it “the 18) We stopped being funny thirty-six ways ago
hard way”. 17) WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL READING
73) Four words: Jeff Goldblum/ teleportation machine THIS?
72) Paint cat in pinstripes and ship it to Boston 16) I bet this feature has given you a
7 1 ) H a v e a g i a n t s p i d e r b i t e i t a n d o n c e i t s i n s i d e s l i q- hard-on the size of the Tower of Babel
uidate open a hole to drain it. 15) I guess we’ll keep going, for the
70) Rube Goldberg machine die-hard fans
69) Hello Kitty S&M 14) Dress it as an altar-boy and send
68) Deng Lee’s it to Sund ay mass
67) Self-effacing humor 13) Make the cat join PETA. “Fur is
66) They don’t call it a cat o’ nine tails for nothing… but that’s not a way MURDER!”
to skin a cat 12) Using advanced psychotherapy,
65) Deli-slicer convince the cat it has bugs all over it
64) Give it to Edward Scissorhands as a pet 11) Flesh-eating fire ants
63) Adamantium infusion gone wrong 10) Introduce kitty to Vlad “The
62) Hulk angry! Hulk skin! Impaler” Tepes
61) Put it in a centrifuge 9) The old-fashioned way
60) Eh, try some more Velcro 8) “In Soviet Russia, cat skins you”
59) Barbed wire cage match, bitch 7) Call Paula Abdul… opposites attract
58) Bring it for midday tea with Jack the Ripper 6) Introduce it to Cthulhu
57) Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. 5) “How did you two fucking fucks… fuck!”
56) You really should never, ever skin a cat 4) Get off my lawn!
55) Haha. Fuck it. Skin that motherfucker. 3) Use Blizzaga to freeze-dry the epidermis
54) FATALITY 2) Faces of Death, Vol. IV
53)Moils Gone Woild 1) Who’s the sickest fuck? Us for filling an entire fuckin’ page with this
52) Wrap it in The Press. Drop off at CORE party office bullshit, or you assholes for eagerly reading the whole t h i n g ?
51) Put it in a space shuttle. Poke hole in window.
50) Slim Pickins. Yeehaw!
49) Slim Pickins… with
Velcro
48) I don’t know who’s
worse, us or them.
You don’t see them
skinning each other
for a godd amn percent-
age.

Illustrations by Joe Donato

Page 34 Don’t call PETA, or the cat gets it.


The Reformation in Central Kentucky
Scintillates
By James Messina
Industry, thy name is James! I’m writing and relying on more than one codebook for etc. often form together also helps. When you
a second article. I bet the public even now t r a n s m i s s i o n s w a s c o n s i d e r e d s u f f i c i e n t t o p r e- become aware of the fact that some letters are
stands eagerly outside the Union basement, vent the code’s breaking, but reliability on the used more than others, you take a look at your
awaiting my latest musings. Unfortunately, it code and reliability on the people using the message and try to look for oft-repeated letters
is to sad, frenzied readers that I direct this code are entirely different. Anson Stager, the and digraphs (groups of two letters). Now, when
apology. In the first article, I gave you two creator of the Union Route Cipher, was dead set I first devised this, I was an idiot, and had made
codes, one of which had a $100 prize for the on maintaining the security of the codebooks. a message with but two instances of the letter
solution. I didn’t, however, tell you how to get The codebook to Cipher 6 was available only to ‘e’, and none of the aforementioned digraphs. So
your $100. E-mail me at 1 4 p e o p l e , with no exceptions made regardless b ear with me. The approach is thus: we notice
longinquous@yahoo.c om with the method of the of office and the other ciphers were equally iso- that “QQ” appears together. We guess this is a
code’s solution, and it’s all yours. Also, I like lated. One operator was relieved by Stager’s double vowel, for the purposes of me not looking
penis enlargement and Nigerian bankers as office when the operator was coerced into hand- like a buffoon. It’s common for “EE” and “OO”
mu ch as t h e n ex t g u y , b u t t r y n o t t o e- mai l me ing h is codebook over by the command of to appear together, but you can rule out “II,”
unless you have a serious enquiry. A serious General Grant himself. It is a common principle “UU” and “AA” for the most part, unless they
enquiry, and a sure token of my egomania and of modern cryptography to assume “the enemy form back-to-back words. We “guess” it’s a
overconfidence, would be asking for a known knows the system.” This is known as Shannon’s double O. James Bond, right? Friggin’ sweet. So
plaintext. If you ask I’ll provide you with a mes- m a x i m , a fter the famous cryptographer Claude we look for more ‘Q’’s, find none, but leave the
sage in English and its code equivalent and S h a n n o n . But back then, these principles had- guess standing. We then search for other
allow you to try and figure what happened n’t become generally known and security avenues, and find that “R” appears four times,
between the initial plaintext and the final through obscurity was the name of the game. By and both “T” & “C” three times. Based on this,
ciphertext. making sure the Confederate forces never got and the fact that a logical explanation for a mes-
In the first article, the main body was sage this short escapes me, we leap boldly for-
t a k e n u p i n a n e x p l a n a t i o n o f s o m e b a s i c t e r m i- ward and decide that “R” represents “P”. This
nology I’ll be bandying about as I continue to gives us “poo” for three of the last letters, which
write. This article will be hopefully less besides being hilarious allows us to deduct the
tedious. Codes have in the last century or two message. We say “poo” represents “spoon,” then
become legion, as though there were two code using the letters we fill in unknowns to get:
bunnies humping away somewhere, and this is P GTJC P SCIT CP GHT XKVS P O O NA S
e s p e c i a l ly s o i n t h e l a s t t w e n t y y e a r s . T h e p u b- Using one of those aforementioned leaps, the
lic has become privy to information that once message becomes “Perhaps a grapefruit spoon,”
would have been the sole domain of the military. with two null letters attached a t t h e e n d o f t h e
With the advent of all this new material my job message.
becomes easy – I can pick anything, write a bit It is at this point that I diverge from my
and call it a day. Today, I start with an intro- original plan. I’ve just explained frequency
ductory anecdote. analysis, which allows you to solve any basic
My anecdotes will retain no chronologi- s u b s t i t u t i o n a n a ly s i s . I n t h e f o u r t h i s s u e I ’ l l
KEN “MOTHERFUCKING” TUCKY
cal integrity whatsoever, as I prove to you now e x p l a i n a n a g r a m m i n g , w h i c h s o l v e s t r a n s p o s i-
Courtesy of The U.S. Postal Service
by beginning with th e Civil War. The Civil War tion ciphers. The third issue I’ll briefly outline
represents to we Americans the beginnings of hold of a codebook, the Union maintained their the difficulties cryptanalysts have, and one or
something big. The American public was, prior edge. two examples of how they’ve historically over-
to the Civil War, taken with cryptography. The Civil War ciphers also represented come them. That is all. Solve this new puzzle!
Edgar Allan Poe contributed an article to a t h e Am er icans’ first concerted effort at code Hint at the bottom.
newspaper in Philadelphia about cryptography breaking, as each side scrambled to decipher
that got a lot of attention. The deciphering of the other’s messages. Offices were set up for the
the Rosetta Stone led to the establishment of express purpose of code breaking, the Signal
numerous societies taken up with the mystique Corps was formed, and things were generally
of Egypt and of codes. With the advent of the taken to a level they hadn’t been at before. The P U Z Z L E T H E 2N D:
telegraph, where messages were charged by the s t e p s t a k e n d u r i n g t h e C i v i l W a r h a r d l y p r e-
letter, companies and telegraph operators alike pared us for the Zimmerman Telegram and
scrambled to devise codes which would save World War I, but they represent the beginnings E d i t o r ’ s N o t e : D u e t o a n e r r o r i n s u b m i s-
them money. These were all factors that influ- of where we are today. sion, the embedded picture file was not sent
enced the development of cryptography in the with the article. You, the reader, will have to
Civil War, but perhaps none so much as the fact And now for your viewing pleasure, last do without the second puzzle this issue.
that it being a civil war, military graduates week’s code.
were all using the same methods. It became a
matter of desperate importance to devise codes Final note: As I have already mentioned,
which the enemy was unfamiliar with. I am by no means an expert on cryptography.
The North, having a more established I’ve yet to consu lt a hard text for information,
t e l e g r a p h n e t w o r k a n d b e t t e r o p e r a t i v e s , m a n- which I should, and I’m unfamiliar with the
aged to stay ahead of the South for the entire u p p e r - l e v e l m a t h e m a t i c s r e g a r d i n g c r y p t o g r a-
war. In fact, the South published intercepted phy and cryptanalysis. If you wish to learn
Union messages in newspapers in the hopes that P U Z Z L E T H E 1s t: from a better source, I encourage you to. The two
they would be broken by a civilian. But the websites I list below I’ve frequented and found
Union’s system, referred to as the Union Route RGTJC RUCIT CRGHT XKVUR QQPAS to be both helpful and intriguing. The books I
C i p h e r , r e m a i n e d un b r o k e n . T h i s i s p e r h a p s haven’t perused, but I have from a good source
nowadays not so much a testament as to the How did I solve this magnificent code, t hat t hey’re every bi t as i nforma t i v e .
integrity of the code as it is to the care taken to you ask? Well, it was all rather elementary…
p r e v e n t i n f o r m a n t s , a n d t h e l a c k o f c r y p t a n a- Realistically speaking, a code of this sort, albeit Famous Unso lved Ciphers:
lytic techniques and technology available at the of greater length, should prove easy enough to <http://elonka.com/UnsolvedCodes.html>
time. The North used a system of both transpo- even a beginner. It was my mistake to make the Wikipedia – Cryptography:
sition and code words, wherein words would message so short no good connections could be <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptography>
have corresponding but unrelated words replace established. Regardless, I’ll solve it using a P r a c t i c a l C r y p t o g r a p h y, by Ferguson Neils and
them. Those words were then placed into a grid m e t h o d a v a i l a b l e s i n c e t h e 9t h c e n t u r y , k n o w n Bruce Schneier.
a n d r e ar r a n g e d . T h i s s y s t e m i n a n d o f i t s e l f h a s as frequency analysis. In the English language, A p p l i e d C r y p t o g r a p h y, by Bruce Schneier.
a relatively strong integrity, as the only way to we have letters that combine phonetically to The Code Book, by Simon Singh.
guess at meanings is to intercept many commu- form words. For whatever reason, the letter “e” The Codebreakers, by David Khan.
niqués and try to establish connections via appears more commonly than any other letter
commonly repeated terms. and the letter “z” the least. Hint: The first letter is “T”
In those days, implementing this system Knowing also that the letters “th”, “ph”, “ght”

Cryptography Page 35
Club Spotlight Asians Connected
BENGALIS UNITE KOREAN STUDENT ASSOCIATION By Maria Ng events or to make sure their events are not
planned for the same date.
engalis Unite represents the inter- SA represents the interests of he AA E-Zine is a weekly online There is an assumption outside of the

B ests and needs of the Bengali stu-


dents from Bangladesh and West
Bengal at SBU. Through educational, cul-
K Korean American students and
they have plans for lots of cultural
and social events this year including their
T news and events electronic maga-
zine geared toward the Asian
American community. Subscriptions are
Asian community that the Asian clubs are
some sort of monolithic group, but
although the KSA people may know the
tural, and social programs like an Eid Party, annual Korean Night in the spring, a pic- free and you just get a weekly e-mail with a people in DDKY, they often have no clue
International Mother Language Day, nic, ski trip, and apple picking. link to the new issue. It is funded by USG who the leaders are in the other Asian
Bengali New Year Picnic, a carnival, and Weekly meetings are Mondays at and alumni. Students who work on it can groups, and vice versa for everyone else.
8:30pm in SAC 303. At their first get academic credit. Beginning with this To smooth this process of working
meeting on the 19th they played issue, it will also be in each SB Press. together, the AA E-Zine has devised an
guessing game ice breakers. They The AA E-Zine hosts an annual events calendar and private Cabinet contact
had new members guess which Cabinet to Cabinet Social for all of the list. While the contact list may only be
Cabinet member could eat the Asian and Asian American student clubs viewed by group leaders, the calendar is for
most (and it was not the biggest and organizations at SBU. This year new public viewing. Each Asian club is given a
guy!). The new members also par- rules on BBQ's having to be cooked by personal login and password to put up their
ticipated in a 'treasure' hunt to find Campus Dining or Jasmine (after 40 years events as soon as they decide to do them.
out who was who in the meeting. students suddenly became incapable) made Then when the Zine's weekly issue is sent
They answered questions like who the Freshmen Welcome BBQ too expensive out, all the subscribers are able to view the
among them were freshman, who to have. At the last minute the Zine and different events going on that week.
owned a dog, who dyed their hair, Sunita Mukhi, Director of Programming at A large goal of the AA E-Zine is to
and a whole list of other things. the Wang Center, realized that having the cover and get the word out about the differ-
their first cultural show at SBU, they plan After an entertaining night, they finished social earlier than usual and combining it ent Asian related events on campus. This is
to cultivate and share their Bengali culture. off the meeting feasting on pizza. with an Asian Info Fest would be a great why after the Cabinet to Cabinet Social, the
Weekly meetings are Mondays at Cabinet members are: President Na alternative way to start the year. AA E-Zine co-hosted the Asian Info Fest in
7pm in SAC 303. At their first Social Mixer Eun Lee, VP Esther Choi, Treasurer Min- And it was! Especially given how lit- the Sculpture Gallery of the Wang Center.
on September 16th they played cultural Seok Choi, Secretary Jin Young Kim, tle time there was to notify groups it was Posters around campus advertised this
Jeopardy, with teams competing, and Events Coordinator David Lee, Public happening and freshmen about the Info event and students attended in hopes of get-
munched on chanachor, a snack of puffed Relations Chris Youn, Public Relations Fest. (With the strict rules on posting flyers ting information about a new club, fraterni-
rice, fried lentils, cold veggies and spices - Dan Kim, Web-Master Lawrence Chu, on campus, especially how few can be post- ty, or sorority to join.
the most popular Bengali snack. Web-Master II Derrick Tow, Senior Rep ed in the dorms and really visible spots, it is The Asian Info Fest brought free pub-
Cabinet members are President EunJoo Chang, and Sophomore Rep amazing any events happen at all!) So with licity for the clubs and happy students who
Sharobi Chowdhury, V.P. Akbar Hossain, Angeline Seah. only one week's notice, the Social was held found new groups to join. To end the
Secretary Agniva on Tuesday, September 6, in the Wang evening, free Wang Center calendar jour-
Banerjee, Treasurer Zaki Center Chapel, with the Asian Info Fest nals were given out and a fun free raffle
Yusuf, Events right after it. was held for various prizes including
Coordinator Sharif The Cabinet to Cabinet Social is a coupons for free bubble tea from Jasmine,
N a y e m , E v e n t s good way for the Cabinets and E-Boards of t-shirts, DVDs, and lots more.
Coordinator Hridi Saha, the various Asian and Asian American The evening was a success and now
Public Relations Nobel groups to meet. It is casual over dinner and that we know it works, next year all the
Mehdi, Public Relations the various leaders introduce their clubs clubs will know about it in advance. Plan
Maurin Huq, Fundraiser and themselves to the cabinets of the other for it, same time next year, the first Tuesday
Sajeed Hossain, and Publications Murtaza You can check out what they are clubs. Done at the beginning of the year, of the 2nd week of classes in the Wang
Karim. doing at www.xanga.com/sbuKSA where everyone meets contacts from other clubs Center Celebrating Asian and Asian
You can check out what they are they have lots of photos, and there are even early on, enabling them to coordinate American Cultures.
doing and become part of their forum at more on the SBU AA E-Zine Photo
www.bengalisunite.com. Their next big Gallery. Their next big event is a New SUPPORT “BE THE CHANGE DAY” OCTOBER 1, 2005!
event is a carnival on the SAC Plaza on Student (& Friends) Orientation on www.saalt.org “Be the change you want to see in the world.” - Gandhi
October 12th during Campus Lifetime. Thursday night, September 29, 2005.

Younhee Paik: Ascending River Alumni Spotlight


By Jin Woo Cho ing the churches in her artworks displayed By Ja Young publisher said it was "outstanding" and the
here, was to connect the notion of a spiritu- Editor in Chief said, "This is what the mag-
lumnus John Cordero, Class of azine is all about."

A
he exhibition “Younhee Paik: al trip in relaxation and internal exploration

T Ascending River” is on display at


the University Art Gallery in the
Staller Center from September 6th until
by religion. In addition, I noticed a projec-
tor on the floor of the gallery and it was
projecting an image of gentle tidal waves
1998, just finished one of the most
exciting and successful marketing
projects he has ever worked on. National
It is why when it was all over the
Promotion Services Director for National
Geographic called John "The African
October 22nd. The major works of Younhee onto the picture along with the sound of Geographic did a single subject issue for Rock" for the tremendous job he had done.
Paik started around 1996 with Invitation to waves. September, 'Africa'. It was the first time A sponsor of the event was Lenovo,
Rest. This artwork, which is on display on There were two couches with a pillow since 1943 that its cover did not have a which also has an alumnus relationship to
the ceiling of the TOTAL museum in Seoul, in the middle of the gallery and I thought photo. Editor Chris SBU through its
Korea, was inspired during the hospitaliza- they were not part of the exhibition at first. John felt that no one VP, Meng Lin. He
tion of Paik’s mother. Since it was difficult But I lay down on one of them after I read photograph could rep- had spent a semes-
for her to view the paintings while she was the sign: “Please lie down and relax.” I resent all of Africa. ter here as part of a
lying down, Paik created an artwork that could see the entire painting without raising To celebrate the special program for
can be viewed while lying in bed. From my head and it seemed like I was just float- issue they wanted to Chinese managers
then on, she attempted to visualize a restful ing around somewhere in the middle of the put together an incred- American manage-
environment on canvas for the relaxation of universe, watching the colorful lights shoot ible viewing master- ment. The program
viewers as well as a tribute to her mother. out from the stars. piece and Grand was initiated by CA
Paik created an atmosphere of com- The image of tidal waves was juxta- Central Terminal after founder
fort in the gallery; she covered not only the posed with the painting and it looked like (GCT) was chosen for 'Experience Africa'. Charles Wang returned from his first trip to
ceiling but also the floor with her paintings. the lights were being carried away by the As the Account Director for Grand Central China in 50 years. See Lenovo / SBU:
It felt like I was at the space gallery in the waves. I realized what the ancient people Marketing (no relationship to GCT) - that is http://www.aa2sbu.org/aaezine/articles/vol
Museum of Natural Science. St. John meant by the term “milky way.” I was what John did. It was seen by hundreds of 9/CEAS.html
Divine – Far, which is almost 12 feet long, almost ready to fall asleep until I realized thousands of visitors, all to rave reviews. John, second from left in photo, did
ornamented the ceiling along with other that I still had classes left that day. I recom- They took images from the issue and the first double show sellouts of China
works. The depiction of the architectural mend visiting the exhibition and submerg- blew them up into 10' by 15' prints, had a Night as President of CASB in his senior
floor plan of a church on the background, ing yourself into the peaceful world of live web cam from a wildlife watering hole, year at SBU. He was a rock then too! If you
resembling some kind of a galaxy or a Paik, which may give you peace of mind Mike Fay, George Steinmetz and other pho- want John to be your rock - he's at john @
cloud of stars emanated a strange aura of during your busy schedule. tographers came out and talked about their grandcentralmarketing.com.
fantasy and peace. Paik’s intention, regard- www.aa2sbu.org/aaezine work. They had everything! The worldwide

aa2sbu.org/aaezine in SB Press Vol 1 No 1 September 2005 Editor: Huy Huynh Wanted! Writers, photographers, and Weekly meetings Sunday nights at 7 PM
E-mail: aaezine@yahoo.com Office: Student Union 071 Office Number: 632-1395 all students interested in media. at our office in Student Union 071.

Page 36 AA E-Zine Love


Dude Part 3
By David K. Ginn
This is the third part of Dude. The first cussed the evil Emperor Jim, and his unoriginal die. Some people live. Some people choose reg-
part told the tale of Bono, a man with dreams of yet slightly entertaining due to its tongue-in- ular soda over diet, despite the many attempts
being a musician. During the course of his trav- cheek method of acting out a cliché plans for by the soda industry to make the diet brands
els he saw his dreams fall far from him when a world domination. They agreed that someone j u s t a s t a s t y a n d t h i r s t q u e n c h i n g a s t h e o r i g i-
no-talent hack with the same name became needed to stop him. When they Kevin asked nals. In the end, we see the true faces of our
famous. Bono’s plans for his band U-3 were why, they ate him. When they were done, heroes.
destroyed forever when the other Bono stole his Juniper said, “That’s a good question, really. Heroes are forever. Heroes are eternal.
idea and made the band U-2. Well, to answer that as best I can… I believe one Heroes are $4.99 at Bourbon Bob’s Subway Shop.
Bono I descended into drugs and alcohol, c l i c h é h a s to be battled with another cliché.” BonoBird I made his last stand on the
and eventually he mutated into a giant talking This was widely agreed upon. battlefield. But since no one wanted to buy
bird. Spreading his wings, he flew out into the lemonade, he made no money that day. No one
great free skies. laughed then, either. Instead, he was poisoned
The second part of Dude told the tale of by an evil man named Torch-O, and as he pre-
BonoBird I as he flew over the great lands of the pared to die he mutated once again into a 3’10”
world, it told of his encounter with Bebop, a cactus with a surly disposition and a tendency
lonely mountain squirrel with a broken leg and t o s t u t t e r t h e f i r s t w o r d s o f e v e r y o t h e r s e n-
a heart of gold. Bebop warned BonoBird I not to tence.
fly over the great plains of Great Plains, but his “I don’t want to die. Pl-please don’t let
warnings went unheeded. BonoBird I flew right me go. Don’t take me away. Th-there’s still
over the plains, and was captured by a tribe of time.”
floating orbs. The orbs tried to eat him, but Many hungry rodents tried to devour
before they could he insulted their mothers in a him, but their attempts were thwarted by The
quick and timely fashion, thus putting to end a All-Mighty Thwarter, who swung in at just the
long-withstanding curse of the Great Plains, right moment. Torch-O ran away, and went into
which makes it an evil place until someone has a dark and philosophical, if not s o m e w h a t s e l f -
the guts to insult an orb’s mother. exploring exile. The All-Mighty Thwarter
Later on, after his escape, BonoBird I thwarted death’s designs on BonoCactus I, and
met with a group of friends who all died. After then flew off into the sky. BonoCactus I then
that, he met with some more friends. They did- created a fusion between his two mutations, and
n’t die. They had names. Their names were his cactus body grew feathery cactus wings.
Lyle, Juniper, Kevin, Michael-son, Liverpool, BonoCactusBird I rose from the ground and sum-
BreakfastNook and Peter-Poo. They all made moned his awesome power to overthrow the
tuna sandwiches and packed lightweight, but BONO’S GOT A BIG FACE. mighty castle of Emperor Jim. Emperor Jim
rain-resistant tents and went on their merry Courtesy of Celebrity and Fame came out of the rubble and screamed so loudly
way. that many people had to cover their ears because
One day, as they sat in a dreary and Then they all turned to BonoBird I and it hurt their ears to hear such a loud scream
dimly lit forest clearing eating low-fat pretzels said “ Can’t you be a hero just for one day?” He from someone who wanted to do it despite the
and high-protein cereal bars, Michael-son had didn’t answer them. They sighed. “Oh well. I fact that many people in neighboring communi-
an idea. He told the rest of the group to wait guess we can be heroes for just one day.” ties were trying to take a mid-day nap in their
there, and when they saw him next he had This third part of Dude tells of the quiet suburban homes.
stripped off all his clothes and had covered group’s battle against the evil Emperor Jim, and BonoCactusB ird I banished Emperor Jim
himself in pear nectar. He ran off into the t h e d e s t r u c t i o n o f m a n y t h i n g s a t c e r t a i n r a n- into the depths of the unknown. All praised
woods laughing. No one ever saw him again. dom and unprecedented times. him. The smoke cleared away.
T h e n , a s y o u r e c a l l , t h e y h a d t h e i r d i s- Here is Dude Part 3:
cussion on the goods and evils of life. They dis- They gather. They charge. Some people

Devastating Event in My Life


By Melissa Lobel
Two years ago on September 25, 2005 members of the administration, Stony Brook was chology courtyard along with a plaque.
one of the most devastating, life changing things nice enough to give us his diploma. I must say, The last two years have definitely been
happened to me. I found out my brother the people from the psychology department the hardest years of my life. I n t h e b e g i n n i n g
Jonathan Lobel had passed away in a car acci- such as Dr. Nancy Franklin, and Dr. Marci Lobel all I could think of was how I had wished it were
dent. At that moment, so many things rushed were absolu tely wonderful. Dr. Lobel put me instead, so that I wouldn’t have to be dealing
through my head, but I was in more of a state of together a beautiful graduation ceremony and with so much pain. I didn’t think my life would
shock than anything. Obviously, given the sit- ever be able to go back to normal. I felt as if I
uation, all I could do was cry. I had no words to was going to be living life alone. Lately, I’ve
say and even if I did, they would not come out. been able to resume to every day activities and
It was not until a few hours later that it really not feel guilty for having fun. Certain things I
hit me about what happened. At that moment so may give a second thought about doing, knowing
many more things went through my head. that it would not be something my brother
When people are younger, or even older, would approve of. Other than that, certain days
they say things they don’t really mean out of are much harder than others. This is clearly
anger. In most cases, later on down the road, something that will affect my family and me for
they get the opportunity to apologize for those the rest of our lives. Despite the fact that I may
spoken words. In my case, I was never able to do have a day that I don’t cry or that I’m happy, the
that. When I was finally able to have words pain never fully goes away. There will always
come out, the only thing I was able to say was “I IN LOVING MEMORY be something that happens each day that will
didn’t really want him to die.” Despite the Courtesy of Matt Willemain make me think of my brother due to the length
numerous times I was told that it was not my of time we spent together. Even though some of
fault, and even though I knew deep down that it made a special speech in honor of my brother. these things will make me cry, it’s not always a
wasn’t, there was still the feeling of guilt. It Dr. Franklin sent us a picture of Jonathan with bad thing. Everyone says that over time things
took a little time for that to surpass in my mind. the honor society, which our whole family get better. The only way people really know just
My brother would have graduated from ap p r eci at ed very much, along with her touching what the person is going through is to have
Stony Brook as president of the Psi Chi group in l e t t e r s t h a t s h e s e n t t o e a c h o f u s . A n o t h e r p e r- experienced it themselves. This week has been
2004. Given the fact that he already had his son who I have to thank is Stony Brook graduate very hard for me but with the help of all my
requirements for his major, and was only a few an d am azing friend Brad Jerson. With the help friends, especially the large gr o u p f r o m St o n y
credits shy of graduate and was taking easy of him and the honor society they put together a Brook, I have been able to take my mind off
elective courses as a senior, with the help of memorial service for him at the school as well as things for a few minutes at a time and get a
Jerrold L. Stein, the Dean of Students, and other p l a n t i n g a tree, which can be found in the psy- laugh.

Juxtaposing fiction with reality Page 37


Riding the South-P Bus: The Stony
Brook Press
Unsafe and Unfair
By Miranda McDougall
If you are a commuter at Stony Brook you Tuesday I timed it. I wasn’t able to get on the
probably have experienced taking a ride on the first bus that came after I got to South-P because
South-P/SAC bus at one time or another. I am a there were too many people waiting and the next
South-P girl myself, having no problems with bus did not come for 11 minutes. The other day
the bus last semester. Looking back, I may have the bus that was going back to South-P was
had no problems because my class times were at crowded, but I was in a hurry to get to work so I
unpopular hours and I didn’t have a job that I squeezed in the aisle. When we went over the
had to rush home for. This semester, on the huge bump that is now present at the entrance
first Tuesday, I was unpleasantly sur prised to the bus takes into the South-P lot (a result of
find about 150 students waiting for the bus in road work done over the summer), the people in
the hot, humid heat. When the bus finally came, f r o n t o f me all lunged backward, resulting in my
not everyone was able to get on but they foot being stomped on by the guy in front of me.
squeezed in as many as possible, filling the Now I’m limping around with a swollen big toe.
aisle with people right up against each other. On the bus this morning, the woman next to me
As if the sheer amount of people on the bus was- w a s v i s i b ly irritated by the situation, so we got
n’t bad enough, it was a hot and humid day and to talking. “They pack us in like cattle”, she
it was an old bus. Half of the windows didn’t said. I thought, ‘that’s exactly how I feel.’
open and there was no air conditioning. It was
really fucking uncomfortable. Not exactly the
Commuter students who use the South-P
lot should have the same accessibility to cam-
Where all the
way I wanted to start out my day.
Later on that day, I saw two buses pull
up by the SAC. One was the Inner Loop bus and
pus as every other student. Right now, just
because we weren’t lucky enough to get a stadi-
um permit and happen to live on Long Island and
lonely women
one was the Outer Loop bus. They were brand
spanking new. I decided to check them out so I
commute to school, we do not have the same
accessibility as everyone else. Not only is this
are.
got on the Outer Loop bus. It had air condition- unfair treatment but I find the amount of peo ple
ing. I was one of three people that got on it. That being packed in the buses we do have to be
r e a l l y p i s s e d m e o f f. unsafe. Since Stony Brook can not or will not
So later that night, when I got home, I e-
mailed Parking and Transportation, politely
make more commuter parking closer to campus
than they must make it easier for students like Meetings
Wednesdays
stating my concerns. On their website, you can me to get from South-P to my classes. I am tired
put in your name and e-mail if you want a of waiting for the bus. I am tired of being
response. I did, but I haven’t heard anything. uncomfortable on the bus. I am tired of being
Since then, I have noticed that the bus
situation has not really improved, especially on
packed in like a herd of cattle. If my fellow
c o m m u t e r s a r e h a v i n g s i m i l a r p r o b l e m s I s u g- at 1 pm
Union room 060
Tuesdays and Thursdays. According to the new gest sending an e-mail to Parking and
bus route map, the South-P Express is suppose d Transportation. They aren’t going to do any-
to come every 7.5 minutes, approximately. Last thing until enough of us complain.

I Don’t Know About You, But I Love Paying


More to Wash My Clothes!
By Trevor Hirst
For those of you out there that don’t do Ev eryone has also noticed that these relying on what spare cash we have, 45 c ents
their own washes here on campus, the price for m a c h i n e s a r e n ’ t o p e r a t i o n a l y e t , w h e r e a s t h e y adds up rather quickly.
one load of laundry in the washing machine is were working fine last year, albeit if you had I understand the increase in fuel costs.
$ 1 . 2 5 , a n d t h e p r i c e f o r u s i n g t h e d r i e r i s $ 1 . 2 5 money left over on your card at the end of the I understand inflation. Hell, I even understand
a s w e l l , w i t h t h e a b i l i t y t o a d d t i m e t o t h e d r i e r school year, it was forfeited. The money rolled the roughly $7.3 million spent “beautifucking”
to the tune of $0.25 for 12 extra minutes. over between fall and spring semester, however. the campus. We pay more for student activity
I’m sure everyone has seen in the laun- So, like most people returning to cam- fees. We pay more for a slice of fucking pizza
d r y r o o m s t h e e l e c t r o n i c d o o - d a d b o x e s t h a t pus, I went to do a load of laundry. I brought (don’t get me started) why should we have to pay
have pieces of paper over it claiming that t here down enough for two loads in the machine (one more for laundry?!?!
i s a n e w d e b i t - s t y l e s y s t e m i n t h e w o r k s t o for colors and one for whites) and one load in Which brings me back to one of my ear-
“save us money” on our the drier. I brought down lier points: the laundry cards in which we
laundry. The way this $3.75 in quarters because I allegedly save money is not in effect yet… we
system works, in theory, “Hell I even understand the had seen that the card are in our THIRD WEEK OF SCHOOL!!! Wasn’t
is that you put money on readers weren’t working as this accounted for? What bright minded dipshit
y o u r s t u d e n t i d e n t i f i c a- $7.3 million spent on ‘Beauti- of the time I did my laun- thought it would be a good idea to change what
tion card via online credit dry. worked? Oh, I’m sorry; I know the answer to
card similar to recharging fucking’ the campus” After I put my this…bureaucrats. That nice bright red tape
your meal points, or by money into the washing sure is sticky!
putting in cash vending- machines and had my We, as a student body, can’t do anything.
m a c h i n e s t y l e a t v a r i o u s s t a t i o n s t h r o u g h o u t clothes in, I happened to glance over at the dri- We need to do our washes. We need to get tons
campus. There is such a station in the lobby of e r s a n d n o t i c e d t h e p r i c e d i s p l a y e d o n t h e o f q u a r t e r s , w e n e e d t o u n d e r s t a n d t h a t t e c h n o l-
the Student Union as well as a station next t o screen…$1.25. I did a double take! It went up ogy is good for us, and it takes time to develop
Taco Bell in the Benedict Food Court. a whole quarter! The price of the washing and blah blah blah. I don’t know about the rest
With your hard-earned money on these machines stayed the same, but the driers went if you people, but I’m steamed! Transfers and
c a r d s , s t u d e n t s a n d p r e s u m a b l y m e m b e r s o f t h e up in price! By 25%!! freshman didn’t have the luxury of cheaper
faculty and staff that live on campus can get Moreover, since the cards didn’t work to l a u n d r y l a s t y e a r , b u t I d i d … r e t u r n i n g s t u-
“convenience” discounts on doing laundry. The give us any kind of deal, we are forced to pay dents did… it was good times, back in the day.
program that worked fine last year had a savings e v e n h i g h er prices for a simple load of laundry. We have to do something about it, hell,
on the washing machine from $1.25 to $1.10 I paid a total of $3.05. Now I pay $3.75. That’s we got the tuition hike nixed (thanks
w i t h t h e c a r d a n d t h e d r i e r s w e n t f r o m $ 1 . 0 0 t o an increase of $0.70 for every wash. It may not NYPIRG)…great people by the way. So we can do
$0.85. The savings were not huge, but it helped. seem like a lot, but for college kids with no job, stuff if we want to… so make noise.

Page 38 Op-Eds I moved to the back!


Across Down
3 . Third Pink Floyd frontman 1 . Zero points in tennis
5 . Gizmo’s species 2 . Movement preceding Surrealism
6 . Name of fictional rock band on Lost 4 . Canadian orchestral rock band
1 0 . Sam’s holographic friend 7 . Name of the title ship on Firefly
1 2 . Main Tolkien god (Elven name) 8 . Thwart
1 4 . What you will find in every web search 9 . Autoerotic activity
1 5 . Title character of Icelandic saga 1 1 . Measure of time
1 8 . Press comic about a strange town 1 3 . Lesser Tolkien gods
2 2 . Replacement for 67 Across 1 6 . Smash-hit Jethro Tull album
2 3 . Everything Macauly Culkin did after Home Alone 2 1 7 . Gimli’s dad
2 4 . Burgermeister Meisterburger hates these, and they apparently hate 1 9 . Fairy painter
him too 2 0 . She called Luke what?
2 5 . Popular singer or a modeling substance 2 1 . Believed we were pretty happy before the whole “society” thing
2 6 . “It’s worse than any death, Jim!” caught on
2 7 . Warrior hero of Fantasia 2 8 . Main Tolkien god (true name)
2 9 . Doesn’t taste very much like the original 3 0 . Prepare to hit your target
3 1 . Mr. Show movie R u n _ _ _ _ _ _ _ R u n 3 2 . 2005 The Mars Volta Album
3 3 . According to Bright Eyes, you’ll finally understand the movement of 3 4 . Character on The Muppet Show
a what? 3 6 . What Jesus thought God did to him
3 5 . Burgermeister Meisterburger is the #1 3 7 . Apparently. so The Beatles say, he blew this out in a car
3 8 . Explicit fantasy painter 3 9 . Alternate name for self-titled Beatles album
4 0 . Server’s advantage 4 1 . Singles include “ Bug Eyes”
4 2 . Placebo album S l e e p i n g W i t h _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 4 4 . Real-world hero of Fantasia
4 3 . “The hero of Canton, the one they call _______.” 4 6 . Turn on the waterworks
4 5 . Early single from The Mars Volta 4 8 . Tasty sandwich
4 7 . Title character of another Icelandic saga 4 9 . ____ from Heaven
5 0 . Like some models 5 0 . Mounds don’t have these
5 2 . Popular Asian-American novelist 5 1 . Female-led prog-rock band
5 4 . Name of the last really big crossword we had 5 3 . “It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it.”
5 5 . Type of hat 5 6 . Chris Cunningham short film
5 9 . Chewbacca is a walking what? 5 7 . She called him a nerf-what?
62. Aspire 5 8 . Renaissance/somewhat rock band Blackmore’s _____ _ _
6 5 . Short story by Raymond Carver 6 0 . A bit paranoid, even for the 18th century
6 7 . First Pink Floyd frontman 6 1 . “Futures made of Virtual ________...”
6 8 . Instrument used for a type of cake 6 3 . Predator of Fantasia
7 2 . Press comic 6 4 . Chekov’s first name
7 4 . Pink F loyd album adaptation of a George Orwell novel 6 6 . Title character of ‘79 Pink Floyd song
7 5 . Album with one song 6 9 . Wide-release debut album for
7 7 . Both players have thirty points 7 0 . An illusion?
7 8 . Leia called our escape what? 7 1 . Nickname of Peregrin
7 9 . She said who’s scruffy looking? 7 3 . Modest Mouse song “The World At _______”
7 6 . Receiver’s advantage

The
Master
Crossword
Star Trek, Prog Rock,
and The Neverending
Story
Crossword Page 39
SB Union 07, 2-6457, stonybrook@nypirg.org, www.nypirg.org
death egg zone