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Stop Sign-Missing; Welcome Roundabout

By Lena Tumasyan roundabout, according to Rispoli, is to aid

___________ t r a ffic flow during busy hours and to
reduce the rate of accidents. Statistics to
The construction of a new roundabout, compare the rate of accidents that occurred
where a stop sign intersection used to be at the intersection before and after the
welcome, surprised many students upon roundabout construction are incomplete.
their arrivals at Stony Brook this fall However, according to two sources with
semester. whom I spoke on Sept 20, the outlook on
The new roundabout that is only part of reducing the accident rate is positive.
the many upgrades that took place during Angelo, a veteran SBU bus driver, happily
the summer sessions, including a welcom- announced, “I think the roundabout is
ing “Stony Brook University” marble ban- working very well; there were no accidents
ner, a brand new fountain at the since it was initiated.” According to Chief
Administration building, and the repaving of University Police Doug Little, “only
of many sidewalks and parking lots. two accidents occurred at the roundabout
According to Louis Rispoli in the Office between the opening of school and now;
of Facilities Design and Construction, the both were very minor, with no injuries.”
idea to remove the stop sign at the intersec- The current roundabout, as promotional
tion of Marburger and Circle Roads and to literature describes, is technically termed a
replace it with a roundabout was initiated “modern roundabout” to separate it from
Lena Tumasyan
by the Campus Environmental Committee t r a ffic circles of the past. Traffic circles As useful as the new fountain?
with the help of traffic engineers who have different characteristics of construc-
sought to improve the traffic flow at that tion and design than modern roundabouts. traffic (the one inside the circle). The sec- only the traffic ahead, therefore easing
particular intersection. The project was ini- Many of the modern roundabout’s primary ond feature is a wide traffic circle that cars entry and exit.
tiated and completed over 10-12 weeks characteristics reduce the safety hazards of in the line of traffic are forced to drive Many studies show that that rates and
this summer and cost $800,000. The cost traditional intersections and nonconform- around tightly to. Both of these features severity of accidents decrease with the
does not include some finishing touches, ing traffic circles. There are two primary reduce the speed of cars that enter and construction of modern roundabout, partic-
such as plants and decorations, that still d i fferences. The first is the tight angle that drive through the roundabout. They also ularly car-to-car collisions and car- t o -
remain to be done. is required to enter the roundabout, allow drivers to look at one direction at a pedestrian collision. Pedestrians are forced
The main reason for building the new approximately 30% or so the main line of time, helping to focus their attention at Continued on page 7

Former CBS Exec Kicks Off “My Life As” Series

By Michael Kelly speaking about Princess Diana, she
___________ recalled how her first words upon hear-
ing the news were “Oh my god!” and
In the first edition of the “My Life admitted to being a wreck. In the same
As…” series put on by the SBU School regard she tried to explain to the crowd
of Journalism, former CBS news execu- how difficult dealing with 9/11 was,
tive Marcy McGinnis, now the Interim from both a personal and professional
Director of the Broadcast Journalism standpoint. With CBS being based in
program here at Stony Brook, spoke New York City, nearly everyone in the
about her experience working for CBS company had someone they knew in one
over the course of 35 years. Rising from of the two towers and had to report upon
a non-experienced secretary to Senior the event while concern mounted about
Vice-President of News, she had many the safety of their friends and family.
words of wisdom and stories to tell to McGinnis went on that the experience
her listeners who came to the Jacob was unique for her because she had to
Javits Lecture Center on September 27. act more as a caregiver than as a news
executive that day. She described hav-
While she spoke about the ing to plan in a few short hours how the
network was going to cover the catastro-
logistics of covering war, she phe for the next week, while comforting
spoke in great length about, in those around her and making sure that
Vincent Michael Festa?
they would be capable of doing their Marcy McGinnis
her opinion, faulty media cov - job.
McGinnis spoke in great length about the time and situation, she responded, spoke about the departure of the three
erage leading up to the war “It should, and we didn’t.” She went on major news anchors, and how she
the Iraq Wa r, much of which was
prompted by questions from the audi- to say that she believes the media to be viewed their presence in terms of trust
McGinnis primarily spoke about the ence. While she spoke about the logis- handling the situation much better now, and comfort that will never again be
most prominent news stories she cov- tics of covering the war, she spoke in though still not as well as they should matched by the major news anchors of
ered, including the death of Princess great length about, in her opinion, faulty be. the future. She reasoned that with peo-
Diana, the 9/11 tragedies of New York media coverage leading up to the war. McGinnis also answered questions ple having so many different shows to
City, and the Iraq War. While she spoke She felt that, in leading up to the war, concerning the departure of Dan Rather. view for their news, ranging from the
of the professional difficulties and pres- the media did not question the reasons She felt terrible that he had to leave CBS comedic Daily Show with Jon Stewart to
sures in covering stories of such mam- behind going to war adequately enough under such a dark cloud, pointing out CBS’s 60 Minutes, people would not
moth proportions, she also brought the because of a fear of being labeled unpa- that one blemish on his record should rely enough on a single news show to
audience into the emotional aspect triotic. When asked if the media should not negate all the excellent news cover- gain the sense of comfort they once had
behind covering such an event. When always question authority regardless of age he gave over the years. She also with Rather, Jennings, and Brokaw.
Shirley Strum’s University is A-OK
sisting of 18 National Merit Finalists,
7 Semifinalists, 5 Intel-Semifinalists,
16 Valedictorians and 21
Salutatorians. All the freshmen are
assigned individual colleges based on
their personal interest. These colleges

include Global Studies, Leadership,
Development and Service, Science
and Society, Arts, Culture and
Humanities, Human Development, and
Information and Technology Studies.
Also, the out of state enrollment has
tripled, 45 % of international students
are doctorate students, and the per-
centage of transfer students has also
Many were pleased with the overall
accomplishments of the university as
it prepares to celebrate its 50th
a n n i v e r s a r y. Cheryl Hamilton, the
director of EOP was also “pleased
Mariana Martins with the different ways the university
Dr. Kenny speaking at the University Convocation is expanding and the prospect of hir-
By Nirmala Ramsaran state. Also, according to President ing additional track tenures. It’s good
___________ Shirley Strum Kenny, the school has to know the university has a lot to
obtained full funding and has acquired o ffer future and present students.”
As Stony Brook approaches its 50th $190 million toward its five-year plan Jarvis Watson, an EOP a d v i s o r, said he
Anniversary in 2007, there have been of $300 million. There is no longer a was “thoroughly impressed with the
many improvements such as the con- utility deficit and the school has creat- increased profile of the university and
struction of sidewalks, landscaping ed a reserve. Other accomplishments its students.” Dean Stein said he was
and the new main entrance. However, include a $3.2 million scholarship “excited and motivated and proud to
more important is the establishment of fund raised in May of 2006. be part of the Stony Brook
the first school of Journalism led by The University is not only flourish- C o m m u n i t y.” He is also excited to
Howard Schneider and the purchasing ing financially but also in its student hear that “the budget is restored and
of Stony Brook Southampton, which population. This year has the larg e s t that the school is on the rise on cam-
received $35 million in aid from the number of freshmen enrollment con- pus with the new marching band.”

Graduate Student: 1 - Museum: 0 20

By Berta Rezik At the time, researchers were simply skeletal structures, the crocodile-like
___________ following the assumption that carnivo- ankle was the determining factor in
rous dinosaurs had cannibalistic ten- N e s b i t t ’s claim. Such related charac-
A dinosaur has been wrongly dencies. Their last meals seemed to teristics adhere to the theory of conver-
accused of cannibalism for the past comprise of their own young, as the gence in evolution in which two dis-
fifty-odd years. It took a graduate stu- bone structure seemed similar to that tantly-related groups of animals can
dent, Berkely native Sterling Nesbitt, of their own kind. However, develop similar body forms. Following
to set the record straight. As Nesbitt detailed research into the this study, only one credible claim of
stood on the downtown subway matter was never dinosaur cannibalism can be support-
platform at the Museum of ed. The carnivore Majungatholus
Natural History station he idly atopus is possibly the only canni-
studied the bronze casting on bal known to have existed, as
display of the alleged canni- identical bite marks have
bal Coelophysis bauri. On been found on its own
closer inspection, he noticed species. The re-evaluation
that the bones within the cavity of the remains proves that
of the dinosaur resembled those one doesn’t need to travel
of a crocodile, not a C o e l o p h y s i s far in order to rewrite histo-
j u n i o r. r y.
The fossilized remains of the 210 The concluding facts clearing
million year-old dinosaur were exca- any suspicions of cannibalism in the
vated in 1947 in Ghost Ranch, New conducted. Since then, C o e l o p h y s i s C o e l o p h y s i s family were published by
Mexico, by leading paleontologist has been pegged as a ruthless cannibal, Nesbitt himself only recently in a bio-
Edwin Colbert and his team from the devouring its young only moments logical journal. Sterling Nesbitt is now
Natural History museum. Ghost Ranch after birth. Numerous children’s books, enrolled at Columbia University with
is also known for its connection to films, and museum exhibits have por- summer excavation plans at Ghost
G e o rgia O’Keefe, who resided there trayed this dinosaur in the wrong light. Ranch. As for the newly-identified
for many years and painted the land-
scape; and even included studies of
Although there are many similarities
between crocodilians and dinosaurs,
crocodile, as a tribute to Ghost Ranch
and its renowned painter it has been 20
bones in her work. such as similar tissue patterns and n a m e d Effigia okeeffeae.
Students Finally Getting Involved
Editorial Board

E xe c u t ive Editor
Jowy Ro m a n o
There’s something in the air this year at Stony Brook, and it’s going to a school like Stony Brook, then it only makes sense that
M a n aging Editor
A n d rew Pe rn i ck not just the smell of cow manure (though that shit stinks); some- they’d want to actually take advantage of everything the school
thing’s happening to the students on this campus, and they actual- has to offer while they’re here.
A s s o c i ate Editor
A l ex Wa l s h ly, finally, want to get involved. The Press, as a paper, is getting It’s not just freshmen, though, who are getting bit by the moti-
a record number of students showing up at meetings, when most vation bug: upperclassmen, too, are realizing their time in college
Business Manage r
Adina Silve r bu s h of our submissions had previously come through faceless e-mails. is running thin and they want to make the most of what time they
Students this year seem eager to join clubs and are excited to have left before they enter the hellish “real world” with an empty
P roduction Manage r
C a roline D’Agat i be a part of their campus. Stony Brook, in the past, had been plate of a resume and a lack of exciting memories.
N ews Editors
placed in the dreaded “suitcase school” category because many of Homecoming is this weekend, and we’re interested to see if
Rebecca Kleinhaut the students would go home for the weekends rather than spend this motivation will result in more school spirit, as we think it
Madeline Sch e ck t e r any extracurricular time at school. Although the majority of the should. What’s wrong with a little pride in the school from which
Fe at u res Editor students still seem to spend their weekends at home, more stu- we all will, hopefully, receive a diploma one day? Stony Brook is
S t ephanie Haye s
dents are staying on campus than ever before. Parties are no a school to which we all give plenty of money without taking full
Photo Editors longer just a Thursday night affair: with more students wanting to advantage of it. Most of us are here for four years, and this school
Jo ey Safdia
Vincent Michael Fe s t a stay on campus, we’re able to party all weekend! seriously does suck if you’re bored and have nothing to do outside
This attitude change may have been started by this year’s fresh- of taking classes. So, if you haven’t been stimulated yet to get
C o py Editors
James Messina men, who seem especially excited and motivated. Universities involved, we at The Press encourage you to do so. Go to free lec-
Rose Slupski like Stony Brook are continuing to become more selective, since tures, watch the movies in the Union, see the plays, swim in the
Lukasz Chelminski
more high school students are continuing their educations. If stu- pool, and join a club or two that interest you. You’d be surprised
Web m a s t e r dents really tried hard to get into college and feel lucky to be by how many clubs there actually are where you’d fit right in!
Chris Wi l l i a m s
Au d i o m a s t e r

Kristine Re n i ge n
O m bu d s m a n
Rob Pe a rs a l l

Minister of Archives
Joe Rios

Distribution Manager
Joe Filippazzo

Travis Aria Thomas Mets
Nicole L. Barry Jamie Mignone
Melissa Bernardez Claire Mize
James Blonde Ali Nazir
Philip Camacho Irv Novoa
Jimmy Del Kerr Frank Nobiletti
Joe Donato John O’Dell
Melanie Donovan Laura Positano
Rob Gilheany Michael Prazak
David K. Ginn Natalie Schultz
Sam Goldman Alison Schwartz
Joanna Goodman Karen Shidlo
Paula Guy Christine Tanaka
Trevor Hirst Amberly Timperio
Mo Ibrahim Claudia Toloza
Alexander Kahn Lena Tumasyan
Olga Kaplun Marcel Votlucka
Adam Kearney Brian Wasser
Yve Koon Ricky Whitcomb
Joan Leong Matt Willemain
Antony Lin Brian Wong
Melissa Lobel Ed Zadorozny
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Hey paper people. I just wanted to say that the ‘Fuck You, Shirts’ article was hilarious. It reminded me of Maddox,
a.k.a. master of the universe. Please continue making great articles.

~kate lavelle

James Messina can’t respond to your praise personally because we’ve chased him out of the office for the week-
end. The bastard ate our precious canned bread, so we sentenced him to exile. But have no fear, he’ll be back to writ-
ing about poop and t-shirts and whatever the fuck else strikes his fancy as soon as he’s completed his atonement.
Thanks for reading, Kate.

To whom it may concern,

I recently received the new version of the Stony Brook Press, and was extremely pleased to see the new layout, which
makes the paper more readable and more inviting. In any event, it was much better than the previous layout; whoever
was responsible for that abomination should be taken out behind the chemical sheds and shot.
Keep up the good work.

~Samuel Goldman

Hey Sam, thanks! And we agree, that old layout made us want to gouge out our eyes with a spoon and fire a .45
at our skulls. We shall make our atonement out by the chemical sheds later tonight. You ought to come too Sam...

Recently the University has added the School of Journalism to its long list of concentrations for students to choose
from. I can’t think of a better time for this to be offered. With the growing number of affairs involving our school,
state, country and world, it’s good to see one of the news outlets we rely on for information is tackling pressing front
page issues such as the current problems with (“Facebook Forcefeeding,” Hsieh, Lynn. Stony Brook
Statesman. Sept 21, 2006). Even as a current member, I find this story not just unworthy of the front
page, but also of our school paper in general.
Another option on campus is to read a periodical that considers the following quote “reporting”: “Holmes was most
clearly forced out of his student government position, most likely for his political activism” (“Accusations Prevent
Student Gov Officials from Taking Office at SUNY New Paltz.” The Stony Brook Press. Sept. 15, 2006). I find myself
torn. Do I read a paper that has a history of under-reporting serious issues and placing too much importance on frivo-
lous topics or do I immerse myself in a periodical that voices its opinion disguised as news more often than reporting it
directly? The Society of Professional Journalists have many standards within their code of ethics including, “...distin-
guish between advocacy and news reporting. Analysis and commentary should be labeled and not misrepresent fact or
context...” (
Whether we like it or not, the media has a profound effect on what issues we are exposed to and how we react to these
topics. By exposing a group of people, such as the 22,000 students at Stony Brook, to particular stories and opinions dis-
guised as news, the media is imposing its own views and placing importance on issues they deem to be most serious.
It’s about time we asked our student run and funded publications to denounce mediocrity and be more responsible in
their reporting to create a more diverse and informed student body here at Stony Brook University. I have high hopes
that the new School of Journalism can help accomplish this goal.

Respectfully Submitted,

Brian Scios
Senior Undergraduate Student, Stony Brook University


You are right. We must continue to work hard to increase the journalistic standards of the paper. None of the cur-
rent editors are journalism majors. This does often bite us in the ass. However, this year we have been working very
hard to increase the quality of the reporting and the paper as a whole. Compare this issue of the Press with an issue
from four years ago or even one year ago. Now all the sections are clearly labeled and the open forum content goes
in the Soapbox section.
Already, some of the new Journalism students are starting to take an interest in the Press. We agree, wholeheart-
edly, that the new program will mean nothing but good things for the future of the paper.
Compiled by Rebecca Kleinhaut and Larry Lamb
Congress’ Giant White Picket Neil Armstrong’s Slip of the Tongue Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? Harvard Drops Early Admissions
Fence Approved Landing on the moon doesn’t have the On September 27, President Bush hosted a Harvard will drop the University’s early
Less than five weeks before the midterm same impact if you’re not grammatically “mini summit” for Afghan President Hamid admission program in fall 2007. This deci-
elections, Congress passed a bill sanction- correct about it. Neil Armstrong maintains Karzai and Pakistani President Pervez sion follows Harvard’s tradition of opening
ing a 700 -mile fence along the Mexican that he did, in fact, use proper grammar Mushareff to allow them to all break bread its doors for low income and disadvantaged
border – and $1.2 billion to build it. On when he first set foot on the moon. Now, a together at the White House. During a press students. Harvard officials stated that the
September 29, the Senate voted 80-19 to computer programmer is here to prove him conference at the Rose Garden, Bush focused early admissions program deters low income
pass along the Homeland Security Bill, correct. Stuffy critics claim that Neil on the need for the two feuding countries to and disadvantaged students applying to
which also earmarked $380 million to hire Armstrong’s famous quote, “That’s one work in tandem with the United States on Harvard and other elite universities. Harvard
1,500 Border Patrol agents and to build small step for man, one giant leap for finding Osama bin Laden, while Presidents officials reason that when a disadvantaged
new facilities to hold detainees before they mankind,” is grammatically incorrect and, Karzai and Mushareff stood on either side of student applies via the early admission
are deported (The bill that sanctions the therefore, loses its impact. They maintain him and stared at the floor. They also failed to process, he/she is unable to compare finan-
fence is HR 6061; the one that allocates the that if he had simply remembered to insert shake hands with each other after each greet- cial aid packages from other universities.
funding for a fence is HR 5441). This an “a” in between “for” and “man”, there ed President Bush with a handshake, although When the student applies via early admis-
recent compromise of both Houses comes would be no controversy. Peter Shann they reportedly shook hands before the cam- sions, he/she is barred by contract from
after their split in May, when the House of Ford, a computer programmer from eras rolled. The two leaders have been feuding viewing other financial aid packages.
Representatives refused to pass a Senate- Australia, downloaded Armstrong’s state- because of the recent influx of Taliban related Harvard hopes other elite schools will follow
approved bill that included a guest worker ment from the NASA website and analyzed attacks in southern Afghanistan. President its lead. If not, Harvard will reinstate early
program. While Senate majority leader Bill it through new software that is generally Karzai believes that Pakistan is not doing admissions.
Frist applauds the bill as a sign that used as a communication tool for the dis- enough to stop the influx of Taliban exiles, Princeton will follow Harvard’s lead,
Congress is “active”, Massachusetts abled. He claims that Armstrong did man- and that his recent meeting with the tribal dropping its early admission program in fall
Senator Edward M. Kennedy referred to age to slip an “a” into his statement in the leaders of the southern border has not done 2008. Princeton’s reasoning behind the deci-
the bill as “a bumper sticker solution for a appropriate place, apparently proving enough to curb the threat of incoming terror- sions echoed Harvard’s. Other elite schools,
complex problem.” Other dissenters, Armstrong right after all. ists. However, President Mushareff claims such as Yale, MIT, and Dartmouth, have not
including Republican Senator Larry Craig Bread-in-a-Can Devoure d ! that President Karzai is “blind like an ostrich” made any plans to drop their early admission
of Idaho, are also concerned about the James “Asshole Douchebag” messina when it comes to the terrorism activity in his programs. The Dean of Admissions at
effect that it will have on the agriculture has brutally violated the Bread-in-a-Can’s own country. Newsday reports that Taliban Dartmouth stated in the university’s newspa-
industry. “Pickers are few and the growers civil rights by callously devouring it. related attacks have jumped nearly 300 per- per, the Dartmouth, “If for some reason our
blame Congress,” said Craig. “The growers Any evidence or suggestions for punish- cent since Mushareff spoke with the tribal aid award is not adequate for a student, we
ought to blame Congress.” ment may be submitted to the editor. leaders this June. are very willing to adjust awards.”

Welcome Roundabout (continued)

Continued from page 2 similar to traffic circles that do carry a neg- cyclist population, and because round-
to cross only one “arm” of the roundabout ative stigma. It is true that traffic circles are abouts are not too cyclist-friendly, I ques-
at a time, and they can stop at “safety as dangerous, if not more dangerous, then tioned Rispoli regarding their safety. He
islands” that separate the two directions of traditional intersections with traffic lights. answered that cyclists should just use the
t r a ffic. Unfortunately the data shows that However, this problem is being addressed bike-path bypass on the west side of inter-
cyclists have a harder time getting into and by replacing many traffic circles with traf- section, or walk their bicycle across the
out of the traffic circles if they decide to fic lights or roundabouts throughout the other two sides of the intersection. A n g e l o
use a lane like cars do. country, including some locally. Suffolk requested that cyclists don’t try to ride par-
Although Angelo’s assessment of the Life, a Centereach/Lake Grove allel to buses or other vehicles because
new roundabout is a positive one, he, as Newspaper, announced in their Sept 20 oftentimes “a bicycle is in my blind spot,
well as others, has some worries. He says, issue that the Suffolk County Legislature and then they shoot past” which creates a
“navigation with in the roundabout is easy, will hold hearings regarding replacing possibility for injury.
but it would be better if it were a little three intersections on Montauk Highway As Stony Brook’s students and faculty
wider, for buses.” He is also mentioned “in with roundabouts on Titmus Drive, Fulton from previous semesters get used to the
wintertime it will be a big problem, and Ave, and Mastic Road. The paper (as well changes created over the summer (includ-
right now any accidents that would occur as others) also points out one common ing this major one at the Marburger/Circle
can tie the entire intersection up.” Finally problem with roundabouts – navigation Roads intersection), perhaps sentiment Count Dooku
Plans for the new Death Star
he adds, “the crosswalks for pedestrians during heavy traffic times. There are peaks over the construction of the roundabout
are risky. They are too close to the circle and valleys of traffic flow on every road will become more positive in line with the about the surprise of a new intersection
and a bus, if it stops upon entry, can block and although in traditional intersections, if positive results of many studies. In the (particularly a type they are not used to)
the crosswalks.” Jamie, a junior student at an ambulance needs to pull through, cars meantime, Judy, of the Construction are not happy, is because there was no noti-
Stony Brook who is used to the stop sign at can just move over to the side. Whereas in Department, said the University sent out fication. I myself never got any emails
the intersection says, “I hate it, it makes roundabout they have nowhere to go, so email announcements and put information about this project. Although students
things worse, especially in the morning. getting emergency vehicles through is (including project updates) up on its web- appreciate the University’s efforts at
They are totally different.” When asked to harder. But Internet sources, Rispoli, and site. She said that no physical posters or improving itself, we do ask for more and
elaborate why she didn’t like them, she Angelo all agree that if traffic is heavy then flyers announcing the roundabout have earlier announcements and for education
couldn’t find reasons, saying only that she at least some cars will get to enter and exit been put up and that communication was about the new projects. In the meantime
“just didn’t like them.” the roundabout; the speed limit is so low through the Internet only. you can visit the website www.stony-
Perhaps her reason for not liking the that cars will be able to squeeze in and out. Perhaps the reason that Jamie and many for
new intersection is that the roundabout is Because Stony Brook has a very large others who I overhead groaning on the bus more information.
By Alex Walsh subject. This report suggested that “In a time expressing concern for the rights of student also opposed the recommendations.
___________ frame not to exceed three years a total ban on smokers. Members also asked about enforce- “Students in three years can’t fight this,” she
smoking is to be implemented campus- ment of the ban, the school’s preparedness for said, referencing the three year phase-in peri-
Who wants a smoking ban? Not the USG wide.” While Dethlefs noted that under New student protest, and the potential for a decline od of the ban, “We have to fight it now.”
Senate, it seems. On September 19, the York State law, residents that smoke ciga- in enrollment. The Committee representative Lynch’s comments ran over the time allotted
Senate nearly unanimously approved SUNY rettes cannot be discriminated against, to her, for which she apologized later in the
Student Assembly member Cheryl Lynch’s “health for the sake of the public good must meeting.
resolution in opposition to the proposed override concerns for perceived violations of Dethlefs said that student input on the pro-
SUNY-wide ban on smoking on campus. The individual rights.” In support of their deci- posal would have been appreciated, but the
motion was made by Senator Hirst of the sion, the Environmental Committee says “a Undergraduate seats in the University Senate
SUCCESS Party and seconded by Senator ban on all smoking removes two problems have been unfilled for a long time. The pro-
Romano of the Reform Party. Only two with the existing policy; the varied size of the posal will be presented again on October 9
Senators voted against the resolution, and one non-smoking radius at campus entrances, and for a final vote. The meeting is open to the
abstained. Fourteen were in favor. A similar the problems associated with smoking-relat- public and will be held from 3:30 to 4:30 PM
resolution had already been passed by the ed litter.” They referred to the Surgeon in SAC room 302.
Graduate Student Organization. General’s report stating that there is no risk- replied that other smoke free campuses have Other matters discussed by the Senate in
At the September 26 meeting, William free level of exposure to second hand smoke. not experienced any change in enrollment. the past two weeks include President Jean-
Dethlefs, a representative from the University The response from the Senators was over- Although gallery members are generally not Baptiste’s State of USG memorandum, the
Senate’s Campus Environment Committee, whelmingly negative. Smokers and non- allowed to speak until the end of Senate Financial Bylaws, and the Codification of
came to the USG Senate’s meeting to deliver smokers alike opposed the Environmental meetings, Cheryl Lynch was allowed to com- Laws Act, which would collect all USG leg-
his committee’s recommendations on the Committee’s recommendations, mainly ment as the author of the USG resolution. She islation into one document.

Craft Center T h r ows Semesterly Event in Union

table and making a jewelry box to take H o w e v e r, I was told that these classes
them home in. A ceramic assistant at the fill up fast, and students should come by
Craft Center named Ruowen made all early when the semester begins.
these ceramic pendants, which I and The radio was left on a repetitive
many others used to make our neck- inane station and the “Motts” juice
laces. The pendants were glazed in earth boxes were too small to fill me up. I
tones like “Toby’s Red”. I chose one think I had four of them before I
written in Mandarin Chinese, which I stopped feeling thirsty. But it was free
was told says “water”; I’ve worn it so I can’t complain. There wasn’t an
everyday for the past week. empty seat in the ballroom, so I’m
Overall it was a night of free crafts, assuming that everyone enjoyed them-
free food, and tons of fun. Students selves. This past week I’ve seen a num-
unwound from their tiring week by ber of people sporting their jewelry and
painting and threading their crafts. Craft original buttons. Craft Night happens
Night served as an early semester event once a semester, so all those who missed
to bring students together, and to pro- out will have to wait till spring to get
mote the arts that Stony Brook off e r s . their craft on. I would suggest to the
The Craft Center also sponsored anoth- Craft Center staff to make the event
Joe Safdia er craft activity at Transfer Day, which monthly, but I did stay to watch the
Look at the awesome pins we made at craft night! (No this isn’t an SBU-TV ad)
allowed transfer students to meet one clean up crew and it wasn’t pretty.
By Kari O. than ten. Every button, not to be con- another and relax from the hectic orien- Platters of blue and green paint left on
___________ fused with the ones that hold together tation weekend. the floor, dirty napkins and coffee cups
your shirt, was designed by an individ- If you liked the activities from Craft left on tables, the endless sea of glitter,
You may have noticed that the parties ual student. Most students hunted for Night, or feel guilty about missing out, ripped up magazine from the button
on campus were a little empty last pictures to cut out from magazines and you should come down to the eerie old table, some few unused crafts and all
Thursday night. Where was everyone? on the Internet; however, the especially basement of the Union building and sign the supplies for them… I had to admit I
Well, if you weren’t at Craft Night in crafty ones drew and designed their own up for the other classes the Craft Center felt bad for the clean up crew.
the SB Union Ballroom, on September buttons. This resulted in phrases like o ffers. Classes like beginners and There is something about doing crafts
21st, you missed out on a hell of a good “Your Mom”, “Sex Kitten”, and graphic advanced pottery on the wheel, photog- that’s very relaxing. I think it’s the fact
time. The brains of the operation was drawings on people’s buttons seen on r a p h y, decorative painting, drawing, that you know you’re not going to be
Janice Costanzo, the director of all Craft the knapsacks, jeans and jackets of the hand building, watercolor and beaded graded on it. No one is going to be able
Center activities. She and her assistants craft dwellers days after the event. jewelry are discounted for Stony Brook to tell from your painted sun catcher or
ran an array of crafts including: ceramic Most of the crafts that served no pur- Students. There are also photography decorated door hanger whether or not
magnets, sun catchers, door hangers, pose except to be decorative were more and ceramic memberships that give you you’re a great artist. Most of the stu-
jewelry boxes, earrings, beaded and popular. A few times during the night I free use of the lab or the studio, along dents who attended weren’t at majors.
ceramic necklaces, bracelets and the run watched students fighting for the few with all its facilities for an entire semes- Craft Night wasn’t about that. It was
away hit of the night—buttons. seats available at the ceramic magnet ter. Surprisingly, the Craft Center also about meeting cool people while doing
Despite a limit of two items, the aver- and sun catcher tables. I myself enjoyed o ffers leisure classes at night such as fun things, and walking home with some
age student walked away with no less making jewelry, then moving over a bartending and defensive driving. free crafts and free food.
Pocket Theatre
Theatre Lovers Rejoice, Here’s the Club For You
join. When I asked her to describe the from the script. The dates of the show stage as well.
club, she said, “[W]e’re the most ener- are December 1, 2, and 3. Auditions for Most recently, Pocket Theatre put on
getic people you’ll meet on campus, and “Lebensraum” are coming soon! If a show in the University Café in order to
we’re all here for the love of the game.” you’d like to audition for either show, make students aware of their club and its
The group is geared not just towards the sign up board is on the third floor of talent. About a dozen students partici-
performers but also towards play- Staller, near the elevator. The dates and pated in short scenes, songs, stand-up,
wrights. During the fall semester, the times of all auditions, including main and monologues. The cafe was packed,
club meets on Fridays at 2 pm in stage shows, can be found there. with standing-room only, and even with
Staller’s theatre three and reads through Although you have to audition to act in free food available, the crowd seemed a
new plays submitted by students. A a show, anyone can join the club and lot more interested in the show. A
Adina Silverbush committee votes, and two or three of the help the production process. The club screaming audience was appreciative of
Rob, Jake and Drew in Pocket Theatre Presents
plays are actually preformed in the w o u l d n ’t be able to put on any shows an evening of real entertainment for a
By Adina Silverbush spring during The New Playwright’s without dedicated students behind the college-affordable price: free!
___________ Festival.
The next hurdle Pocket wants to jump
Pocket Theatre invites all students to involves performing a musical next
become immersed in the magical world semester. Drew Boudreau, the club’s
of theatre. Pocket Theatre was founded t r e a s u r e r, is spearheading the project.
four years ago by Jen Chura. The cam- According to Drew, “this is a long over-
pus was flooded with students wanting due goal; musicals are an important
to quench their thirst for theatre, but form of theatre that has been ignored by
they lacked a venue to do so with limit- the department.” The group is consider-
ed campus productions. Pocket is a club, ing doing the musicals Assassins or Last
but for the students involved it’s truly a Five Years, but has not finalized any-
way of life. The group performs at least thing yet. If you have an idea about a
two shows a semester, which are all stu- play or musical you’d like to see per-
dent-directed, cast, and produced. If formed, any student can submit ideas.
you’ve ever considered acting, writing, The club’s general meetings are
directing, or doing stage crew, this is the Wednesdays at 12:50 pm, also in theatre
no-pressure fun way to meet people and three.
get involved with your campus commu- This semester, Pocket will be per-
nity. No one gets class credits or forming two shows: “The Goat,” by
money; this is a purely volunteer- b a s e d Edward Albee, and “Lebensraum,” by
group. Kim Furano, the group’s presi- Israel Horowitz. Auditions for “The
dent/artistic director, stressed that Goat” will be October 4th at 7 pm. You Adina Silverbush
beginners should feel encouraged to can either perform a monologue or read Join our gang!

Want your club to be highlighted

in a future Club Spotlight?

E-mail us at
Marching Band
We Even Have Our Very Own Marching Band!
Fiore, Stony Brook’s athletic director, as
well as Perry Goldstein from the universi-
ty’s music department. However, the
marching band gets its main source of
guidance and direction twice a week in
the form of band director John Leddy,
who shows the students how to move in
complicated patterns while holding
instruments which are, in some cases,
even bigger than them.
A few days before new student move-
in, twenty strangers met for the first time
in the name of music. Thankfully, they
all got along amazingly. During band
camp, in addition to twelve hour march-
ing drills, they found time to dance in big
circles. Freshman clarinet player Alex
Jesse Schoepfer
The band practicing in LaValle Stadium Poznanski was not only excited to meet
friends who he felt like he “had known
By Leeza Menon raderie, dedication and, of course, great forever” but also to “get to move in earli-
___________ music. er than every one else, which really
This is the first year that Stony Brook kicked ass.” The band’s big moment came
What is the first thing you think of University has had a marching band. at new student convocation when they
when you hear the words marching band? University President Dr. Shirley Strum performed after only a day of preparation.
Sure, after watching American Pie, it’s Kenny has fully supported the idea of a Since their first performance, the band
hard not to immediately think of band marching band from the beginning and has more than doubled in size to 41 and
geeks with inventive places to put their has wanted to carry the school’s athletic intends to expand even more. The march-
instruments. However, after looking at program to a higher level for several ing band has even managed to travel with
the Stony Brook Red Hot Marching years. Dean of Students Jerrold L. Stein the football team to their away game in
Band, you can’t help but think of cama- spearheaded the effort with help from Jim New Hampshire and served as the only
condolence after Stony Brook’s football Uniform design
team lost… badly.
The band’s graduate student assistant, So what’s up next for the Stony Brook
Josh Cheuvront, says, “Every single one Red Hot Marching Band? They will be
[of the members] brings something very playing at this year’s homecoming game
special to the band.” Freshman John on Saturday, October 7th. They will be
Havlicek plays trumpet in the band. Even performing favorite oldies such as The
though some students took a while to Kinks’ “You Really Got Me” and Herbie
warm up to the routines during band Hancock’s “Watermelon Man” to go with
camp, by the end, he says, “All of them the theme of “Blast from the Past”.
were doing a great job,” and they were all Along with the new songs they have been
bonding over group meals and breaks. rehearsing, they will also be showing off
Jay Sheryll, another freshman, found the their new red, white and blue uniforms
marching band to be a “good way to meet which make them resemble toy soldiers;
people while playing the trumpet.” He this should add to the already intimidat-
says, “[he] found the marching band to be ing aura of our mascot, a make-believe
appealing because it was small, unlike animal named Wolfie.
most everything else at Stony Brook.” The marching band will also be able to
Jenny Wang, a senior, is excited to finally accept new members after homecoming.
join a group that she has wanted to So, if you’re interested in joining, you
become a part of even before its exis- can talk to band director John Leddy in
tence. “When I first came here,” she SAC Room 222 in the Dean of Students
says, “I asked if there was a marching suite. Or you can call 631-632-7368.
band, and now, for my senior year, I’m Practices are in LaValle Stadium,
glad I get to do something like this.” She Mondays 6:30 to 8:30pm and Fridays,
is currently Stony Brook University’s 3:20 to 5:20pm. And, as grad student
Chapter President of the National Society assistant Josh Cheuvront says, “Whatever
Jesse Schoepfer of Collegiate Scholars and one of the only they play, if they’ve got drive and talent,
John Leddy, the new Director of Athletic Bands
girls in the marching band’s drumline. we’ll take them.”
We all looked behind us, as we were far subway system (I read in Reader’s Digest, or

Lemmings and
enough from the World Trade Center. I couldn’t some newspaper, how that could work), we came
tell if anything was left because of all the smoke to the conclusion it wouldn’t be as traumatic as
and dust. No one was riding in cars, except in the destroying the World Trade Center. We decided
ambulances. We watched two guys rollerblading that terrorists wanted to cause fast death rather

Postcards By Thomas Mets

towards the towers and wondered what the hell than do something that killed more people but
they were doing. wasn’t as flashy.
We talked. Charles mentioned that Times We were unaware of how many thousand
Square during New Year’s would have been a people had died.
better target if you wanted maximum casualties. Some woman on TV talked about how she
He joked that Arab terrorists would soon come escaped the World Trade Center. She talked about
armed with flamethrowers, attacking people flee- how there was a panic, and a small boy was near-
ing from the towers, and how he was going to use ly trampled to death. She was worried about her
the other people as shields. I told him that husband and son and hoped the pigs responsible
flamethrowers made lousy weapons (one bullet, for this catastrophe would die and burn in hell. I
and the flamethrower operator is a corpse), remembered a quote from a comic book:
although we agreed it wouldn’t be a typical mili- “Sometimes I pray to god there’s a hell.”
tary conflict and the postcards of New York City We also heard that the Long Island Railroad
would look different. would soon begin limited service. Since I live
Charles and Hu were walking slower than I near the Forest Hills station, I figured that the
was. Charles was complaining about how far he LIRR would be my best bet. So I suggested that
had walked and how heavy his book bag was (I we all walk to Grand Central Station (for some
felt his backpack and agreed with him). We did- reason, I thought that Grand Central Station and
n’t know where we were going. I said that we Penn Station were the same thing).
could have all been like lemmings, following The TV at the bar had closed captioning, and
people jumping into the river, and we wouldn’t I developed a tremendous respect for the guy
realize it until it was too late. who has to type up what everyone is saying
Charles wanted to walk to Chinatown. His immediately after it is said. I was really surprised
logic was that Chinatown would never be that I didn’t notice any errors, since I find it almost
attacked, since all that would do is kill a few ille- impossible to write a line on the computer with-
gals. His uncle worked in a store and could easi- out making some mistake.
ly call his parents to pick us all up. We left the bar when it began to get crowded
We looked back several times to see how and started to look around for lunch. Charles was
much of the Twin Towers were left standing, but complaining about the crazy New York food
Author’s Note: This is based on notes I wrote building (a problem since we were on the top we couldn’t see anything because of the dust and prices. Hu wasn’t really hungry.
on September 11, 2001 about what I observed. I floor). Ms. Fletcher said something to the extent smoke. The cloud of dust seemed to be following While we were walking, we saw that a man
was a student at Stuyvesant High School at the that every fire drill we’ve ever had was preparing us. Meanwhile, I noticed a building near the had opened his car door so everyone could hear
time and had a good view of a burning tower in us for this point. It took us a minute or so to leave World Trade Center was on fire, meaning either the radio. A small crowd was gathering around
my first class. “Part 1” included my observations the classroom. Someone said something about the fire had spread or there was another attack. the car. A bum (middle-aged black woman) was
from that class, where I also jotted down the reac - double lines. Someone asked if the boys and girls We walked to Pier 61, which was around 23rd telling people not to go to Penn Station, since
tions of my teacher and classmates as we started should be on separate lines. I responded that the Street (a little more than a mile from Stuy). We Penn Station was closed. Charles told a guy
getting some information. All we were told was girls’ line would be too short (there were 40 girls were given cups of cold water by volunteers and (young, black, wore a suit) not to listen to her,
that a small plane had crashed into the World for every 60 boys in Stuyvesant). took a small break, sitting where we could. unwillingly beginning a debate on the woman’s
Trade Center. “Part 2” was about what I saw We went down the stairs, mixing with other Because a wall was in front of us, we weren’t able mental health and whether or not Charles had the
and heard in photography class, where we homerooms. It aggravated me when people were to see the smoke. Eventually, I came up with a right to assume she didn’t know what she was
learned about the nature of the attacks and saw walking too slowly. I heard a girl talking about plan. We’d walk to the nearest subway station talking about.
the towers fall on CNN. how she wanted to move to Alaska. I looked out (near Sixth Avenue) and stay in the area until the Penn Station was closed. There was a huge
a window and saw a mass of people just running trains started working again. We weren’t going to crowd of people waiting outside. We were not
Part 3 uptown. That scared the hell out of me, since I be like those idiots who walked all the way to willing to walk to Queens, and since the subway
Because I came from the first floor, I was one didn’t know if anything else was going on. Queens. This is what my Aunt Kathy and a should have been working by evening, we decid-
of the last students to arrive in my tenth floor I used an emergency exit to get out faster and neighbor of mine, a dean at Stuyvesant, ended up ed to just hang around until then.
homeroom. Ms. Fletcher (seven or so months found myself among a small mob of people, all doing, along with the students in their care. While Hu bought a bagel and tea at a crowd-
pregnant) told the students to sit down and stay trying to get to the street. We had to allow a few I looked for a phone, but the lines were too ed Food Emporium, Charles and I discovered
away from the windows (probably the biggest in emergency workers to pass us. I remember a res- long. The only phones I found were broken. As I that both a Wendy’s and a Burger King were
any classroom in Stuy). I just sat on the ground cue worker asking why the school wasn’t evacu- listened for a dial tone on one, I felt worse. I was closed. This was a time when people wanted to
because I couldn’t find a seat that wasn’t near a ated sooner. I walked behind middle-aged Italian planning to call my house, since I assumed my go home and hug their loved ones, and this
window. businessmen who were so calm it seemed as if youngest brother Christian had been released included fast food workers.
When the PA announced that homeroom the World Trade Center was attacked every other from school and picked up by my father, who We sat down at a Popeye’s, ate, and talked. I
would be suspended indefinitely, I pulled a seat day. I looked at the river and wondered how long worked in Queens. I didn’t remember the office asked Charles what video games he had. He told
away from the window and began listening to it would take for someone to panic and try to numbers of my parents. I thought of relatives me how, a year before, his parents had hidden his
conversations, talking a bit with the kids around swim across. who had heard about this and were wondering Playstation when his average fell a point, and he
me. I knew more about what was going on than I kept walking as far uptown as I could, pass- where I was. had not gotten it back. He did like Marvel vs.
they did. Afew kids were told to go to the Dean’s ing others. I saw that many friends were walking Along the way to Sixth Avenue, we passed a Capcom 2, so we talked about that. Anything
office. I assumed parents had come to pick them together. Guys were still hugging their girlfriends, bar which had a television tuned to CNN. We was better than talking about what had really hap-
up or something, but I couldn’t really be sure. It and I still wished that I had a girlfriend, someone grabbed seats while we could and watched the pened.
was just odd listening to the announcements. I could comfort and who could comfort me. No news for about ten minutes. There, we learned Hu finished my French fries as we wondered
My godmother/aunt Kathy was a librarian at one looked back. that one of the towers had collapsed. I suspected what to do. We eventually left the restaurant and
Stuyvesant. I got along pretty well with her, and I eventually saw a friend of mine, Charles. I’ll as much, but this was still unsettling. decided to go to the A&S plaza, just to kill some
she kept some orange juice in the library for me never forget him because he always struck me as A reporter on TV was saying he was grateful time.
every day. I volunteered at the library once a one of the smartest kids in school, and he was that the terrorists did not use biological weapons. My mother worked in the Estonian House, a
week, which was the extent of my extracurricu- Chinese, Catholic, and a Communist. We were Charles said that terrorists want to scare people few blocks away, and I never considered going
lar activities at Stuy. I never once considered met by Hu, whom I knew as the son of illegal more than cause the greatest possible damage. there; I remember vaguely thinking that I did not
going to her for help. immigrants/sweatshop workers. He was more While it would have been easier, and probably far want to be anywhere near the Empire State
Eventually, we were told to evacuate the Charles’friend than mine. more dangerous to drop an anthrax bomb into the Building.
With Chef Heath

As a chef, I know first hand that to criti- I was so full halfway through that I a $2 bowl of soup than a box full of raw fish. First I have to say, though, that chicken
cize someone else’s food is like making fun stopped so that I would be able to try the Next I attacked the dumplings. After warm- fingers are ruining the youth of today. Every
of someone else’s child in front of that per- baked stuffed potato. All I can say about the ing them in the microwave — a brave sug- time a family with children sits down in my
son. I’ve been there, and I know how feelings potato soup is buy this while it lasts. The fla- gestion made by one of the cleaning women restaurant, I am sure to get an order of these
get hurt and egos get bruised. And so I say to vor was mouthwatering, such that I had for- who witnessed my expression after biting malignant hunks of chicken breast. I am not
my fellow foodservice workers, forgive me gotten how full I was. For a cream soup it into a cold dumpling — they were pretty sure why, but children and even teenagers
for what I am about to do, but this assessment was thin, but this gave a better texture that damn good. I ate them before I knew what and adults cannot seem to get enough of the
is long overdue. that of a heavy cream soup such as New was happening, not being very contemplative chicken fingers. I do not understand it. I only
I feel that an appropriate place to start a England clam chowder. With pieces of after my anger over the sushi and embarrass- know that a growing number of people are
critique of Stony Brook’s extensive culinary pureed potato and chunks of ham, I was thor- ment from the cold dumpling. The pre-made missing out on quality food, hand prepared
choices would be at the good ol’ SAC dining oughly satisfied with my choice. That and the salad was my saving grace: I filled myself up and placed on sale or in specials for the cus-
room, or as some of my eclectic compatriots breadsticks added a nice touch to the meal. with fresh greens, juicy (albeit cold) chicken, tomer’s enjoyment, only to engorge them-
have dubbed it, the SACinator. I spent six The “Terra” chips were a double edged and a creamy sauce with Parmesan cheese. selves on pieces of breaded chicken breast
days reviewing the wide array of food, some- sword: while incredibly delicious, I was sad Not a bad meal altogether, but abhorrently which comes from far away processing
thing new every day, and I must admit that I to find that perhaps only one quarter of the priced far beyond what anyone should pay plants. Ok, enough of that. I apologize; I get
was surprised by some of the choices. bag was filled. For the price, I would not buy for such a meal. a little passionate about food sometimes and
The first day, I caught breakfast at the them again, no matter how good they were. On day five began my second love affair it bursts out.
SAC on the way to an early morning class. I Total cash spent: nine dollars. with the pizzeria. I ordered two slices of For dinner I paid six dollars for a Philly
arrived around 7:30am to find that there was Day three was a bit of an ordeal. I was pizza, one pepperoni and the other plain, both Cheesesteak sandwich, which I had been
a large amount of choices for such a bleak feeling particularly brave and decided to pay pulled hot out of the oven before my very craving since lunch. The food was again
hour. I grabbed a fresh banana nut muffin and a visit to Walter, the burly man well versed in eyes, and a box of garlic knots. I added a made fresh in front of me, and I was amazed
a parfait with granola and some melon for a the sandwich arts. The line for the sub/wrap small bowl of Italian Wedding soup from the at the relative speed of the chefs. The entire
demoralizing $4. However, despite the cost, eatery was long and slow moving. I think I steam table and made for the register. I could time I spent standing in line, ordering, and
the food was well prepared, easily accessed, even dozed off for a bit. This gave me some smell the garlic knots, I wanted them so waiting for my food was under three minutes:
and, to be honest, quite tasty. When the lunch time to watch the people going by, which is badly. They made me feel dirty in a way I once again, bravo. The sandwich was, much
hour came, I found myself lost in a sea of one of my favorite hobbies. When I got to the haven’t felt since I saw the love scene to my dismay and disappointment, not a
people all jostling for position in the sand- counter, I placed my order and found out why between Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Philly Cheesesteak sandwich. I have been to
wich and grill lines. I opted for some of the the line moved so slowly. Each sandwich is Ghost, back in ’94. I did not even notice how Philadelphia, I have had a Philly. This, my
SAC’s famous portabella mushroom pizza made to your specifications, much like a much I paid for the meal: I threw a bill at the friends, was no such thing. The flavor of the
and a small garden salad with some trim- Subway or Quizno’s. However, due to a tight cashier and made a grunting sound which meat was virtually nonexistent and the lack
mings from the salad bar. As I forked over food budget and a lack of manpower, the signified that these garlic knots were mine, of cheese caused the sandwich to be rather
five bucks for my meager yield, I hoped that sandwiches cannot be made fast enough. and that our love would last forever. But I dry. I was completely disappointed with the
this pizza was all it was cracked up to be. The Each order of meat must be weighed and por- digress. meal and, worst of all, I still felt hungry.
pizza was in fact phenomenal, piping hot tioned to fit into the regulations set down by The pizza was everything that I had hoped I chose to pass on the Changing Plate and
with a crunching crust, a fine tomato sauce, the company’s guidelines. Trust me, ladies for: fresh, hot, delicious, and relatively cheap the other dishes which tend to change daily.
and a generous amount of cheese. The salad, and gentlemen and all you in between, he is by SAC standards. I then ate the soup, not out These items change every day, so it is hard to
for the amount paid for it, was nothing spe- not trying to swindle you out of your meat; he of hunger, but just out of curiosity. I am from determine their availability and when I can
cial, but adequate for the purpose of a nice just has a job to do. I ordered the turkey sub a eastern European family. This kind of soup actually afford them due to their high cost.
after-pizza munch. I walked away surprising- with melted mozzarella cheese, tomato, let- was new to me, so I decided to give it a shot. Sooner or later I’ll get around to tasting each
ly full, although a little light in the wallet. tuce, and olives on ciabatta bread. After fork- It was quite enjoyable, and not too filling, one, but for now I have to save up my cash
You may have noticed that I do not pur- ing over six dollars, I sulked away to the with a nice blend of herbs and spices — for next week.
chase drinks with my meals, and to address upper dining hall to enjoy my hard-won everything that a small soup should be. But My overall rating for the SAC cafeteria
this, I add that adding a drink to a meal does prize. The sandwich was filling, very well next — and I salivate as I write this — came has to be 2 out of 5 stars. While they do offer
nothing for my palate. I feel that doing so portioned, and quite tasty. The bread was a bit the garlic knots. They were, by far, the most a wide array of choices, I found the best food
does not affect the food if it was not specifi- hard, but I expected that. Unfortunately, my wonderful things that have ever been placed to be the cheapest and the simplest things: the
cally paired with it. The real reason is that I visits to Walt will be limited, not due to his in my mouth: hot, chewy, with chopped gar- pizza, the soups, the salads and, of course, the
bring a water bottle that I fill from the drink- lack of tasty goods, but because of the ordeal lic and olive oil running down my chin. Good garlic knots. Many of the higher-end items
ing fountains around campus. Why pay for it required to obtain them. god, I think I need to take a walk. With every were severely overpriced for the quality of
when it comes free from the walls? Day four: I admit it, I splurged. I went for meal, I am getting garlic knots…. food. The worst items I had were the pre-
On day two I skipped the pizza and the the pre-made items on the wall opposite the Day six: I ate two meals at the SAC, lunch made dumplings and sushi, as well as every-
salad, and went for the soups. I bought two: pizzeria. I hefted a box of fresh sushi, some and dinner, during both of which I sampled thing I ordered from the grill. I was most
the vegetarian chili and the baked stuffed vegetable dumplings, and a pre-made chick- food from the grill, made fresh in front of taken aback by the high prices of the food in
potato. I also added in a bag of “Terra” chips en Caesar salad to the counter; twenty-one you, and to order, no less! I have to give cred- the SAC. As a commuter without a meal
from the racks and made my way out of the dollars later I strolled to my table with a it to these guys. I myself have a hard time plan, I was floundering to come up with
feedlot as fast as I could before the lunch much lighter wallet. The sushi was… well, keeping track of orders even with order tick- enough cash without a daily trip to the ATM.
rush. The vegetarian chili was good, but not sushi. I am not of Japanese descent and I do ets and a waitperson, so bravo in that respect. I spent more on food in the SAC this week
exceptional; it lacked some body and the not pretend to know much about sushi, but it For lunch I bought a box of chicken fingers than I did on gas to drive to school every day,
spicing was overcompensating for the lack of was good enough for me to eat the entire box. and French/freedom fries: simple, easy, and something not easily accomplished in this
base. However, it was not a bad meal. For $9, I was pissed that I felt more full from filling for the five dollars I spent. day and age.
AAJ - rocking Asians since 1995 [AA]2 AA E-ZINE PHOTO CONTEST

By James Han publication. WANTED!

We are one of the few publications GORGEOUS PHOTOS OF THE WANG CENTER
o you ever get the need to be cre- that specifically highlights Asian American

D ative? Of course you do – who

doesn't? Sometimes we feel like
we've been through a lot and want to share
works. Of course anyone can write for us,
and you don't have to write about being
Asian or anything of that sort; regardless, it
our knowledge and experiences with the is the fact that you can and it is the power
world. And once in a while, we come out of having a voice that makes this literary
with something that we think is really good. medium quite essential on a campus such as
Isn't it a shame to just let it collect dust on this.
a shelf somewhere or just take up megabits So if you are interested in doing any-
on your hard drive? thing at all, contact me, James, at ARCHITECTURE, EVENTS, ANYTHING HOT!
Introducing the Asian American or join Dragonflies on Lotus, Lovers, Shadows and Light
Journal - AAJ - a written medium that the Facebook group: Asian American The 2007 Photo Tribute Planner of the Wang Center
strives to collect a large body of these cre- Journal. We publish once per semester so Goes to Print in Mid-November
ative materials into one place for the rest of you have plenty of time to spill those cre-
the campus to enjoy. Yours truly is the edi- ative juices. So give us your tired, your Only one photo per person will be chosen.
tor of AAJ this year, and I am looking for poor, your huddled masses yearning to PH Tuan, Wang Center architect, will autograph winning entries.
talented writers (fiction and non-fiction), breathe free, your suffering, your teenage High quality digital only please! Black & white or color
poets, artists, photographers, critics, and angst, anything that gets you writing, and
layout staff to help contribute to an elegant we will give you one hell of a issue. Send to aaezine @

Fatal Love Syndrome Looking up from the

lobby of the Grand Hyatt
By Faye Lee Shanghai on the 53rd
floor of the Jin Mao
She gives unto you sir Tower. Adding to this
Every little bit of pounce in her heart marvel is the building’s
Persuaded and infiltrated by thoughts exterior; currently
Thoughts so loud, coming from you China’s tallest building it
You beckon her to get on her knees is a sight to see next to
And watch you grow like Jack and the beanstalk the Oriental Pearl TV
Tower located in
Your derision is a curse for miles Shanghai’s Pudong
Down the nonstop flowing sand of an hourglass financial district.
You patronize with disbelief -Xiao Yu Gu
A sadistic savage you are and so unaware of every
Flaw you make with a striking word
The Aging Problem
She becomes an irrevocable hypocrite
Clawing her way deep into her skin An excerpt from “The Aging Problem,” a with idle chatter, but let's not bore ourselves
And changing her life and breath of values short story in the AAJ Fall/Winter 2006. and check back in the kitchen. If we peek
Just to keep you in her vicinity, sir By James Han into the garbage can, we can see the shells
Just to hang onto this fickle love she of the packages which the dinner came
ome turtles live to be over 100. They from. Their entire meal is one big
Believes can repair her loneliness

You came unsoundly and swept her up

At her weakest point when her eyelids
S spend the last 75 years or so of their
lives slowly trudging around looking
for food to eat. Lying around doing nothing
microwave dinner - ladies, breathe a sigh of
relief. If we peer at the nutrition facts, one
might be appalled at the high amounts of
Never thought of pulling themselves back up and sleeping in their shells are their primary fat, sodium, and cholesterol in this seem-
You stole her, burglarized her hobbies. I guess that's really no different ingly wholesome meal. But one should pay
Flawlessly, you became a suitor and tried to carry than the first 75 years of their lives, but then closer attention to what is not there, at least
Helen of Troy to safety by bestowing her with archaic this analogy would not work so well. Down what is listed here as "natural and artificial
Effects of love the stairs came two behemoth turtles, each flavors."
weighing easily 300 pounds. The year is 2020, and American eats is
And she fell for every hit of the target "Grandma, grandpa, how are you doing nothing like the vision. Supermarkets have
Placed directly over her chest today?" inquired John. completely discarded produce items as
Foolishly, unknowingly she couldn’t stop "Ah, we're fine kid," grumbled grandpa, unprofitable, which can now only be found
Herself from hanging onto every little as the two turtles trudged towards the din- at specialty shops. Food processing giants
Bit of savoring moment when you deceptively ner table. Their excessive weight and age have run amok with power comparable to
Took her weakness for pedestal high romance caused them to hunch over. A skilled artist tobacco and pharmaceutical giants.
For granted could draw green splotches on their backs Combine this with societal indifference, a
and the resemblance would be uncanny. wealth of newly synthesized food additives
You took every part of decency from her Indeed, turtle is a deft metaphor for the old that make food addicting and unsatisfying
Till this day she still permits you to couple. If one were to tip them over like a at the same time rich and delicious, and
Dig deep graves inside her cow, it is doubtful their pudgy, dangling shady labeling practices and I present to
Little by little more of her past well being limbs would be sufficient to get them stand- you a society growing ignorantly larger at
Is fading and losing touch with the ing upright again. the waistline. Healthy eating was a thing of
Entity that kept her at odds with commonality "This is delicious," exclaims John as he the past; today's microwave gourmand has
She is now a statistic of fatal love syndrome digs in before everyone else sits down. The an extensive selection of meals that bludg-
Letting love consume her life two tortoises sit around the table, and then eons him or his family from the inside. But
How perfectly distasteful the flaws of loving someone finally Michelle sits down. Everyone digs this shouldn't be too hard to believe if you
Can be in and seems to be having an enjoyable time look at food today.
Wanted! Writers, photographers, and Weekly meetings Fridays 5:30PM at our excerpts in SB Press Vol 3 No 3 October 2006 all students interested in media. office in Student Union 071.
Seawolves Sports
Wo m e n ’s Soccer Team Strikes Down Ti g e r s
By Antony Lin home to the lower left corner from 18 yards As the second half began, Towson would versial call by referee Rich Tighe in the 88th
___________ out. threaten first in the 58th minute. Viola would be minute. Tighe awarded a penalty kick to the
Five minutes later, the Tigers came close to well-positioned to make the save on Rosie Tigers. As Tighe appeared to have thought that
In the second game of a doubleheader, leveling the score. Brittany Hadaway’s cross Goldberg’s shot from 21 yards out. Collins handled the ball intentionally, a red card
the Stony Brook Seawolves would come found the head of Rosie Goldberg. Her header The visitors would then even the score at 1- was issued. Goldberg’s penalty kick would sail
out victorious over the Towson Tigers 2-1 would end up hitting the crossbar and out of 1 off an opportunistic goal from Marissa Gross high of the cross bar, as Seawolves supporters
in the Holiday Inn Express Tournament. harm’s way. in the 60th minute. Her low point-blank shot erupted in joy.
The thrilling, end-to-end match would be Towson would come knocking again in the would bounce off the right post and in. “Losing Kate (Collins) is a problem,” men-
decided in the final minutes in front of near- 19th minute. Alison Reinhart’s shot from 28 Stony Brook would have multiple opportu- tioned Ryan. “Kate gives us such a spark.
ly 400 in attendance at LaValle Stadium. yards out would force Seawolves goalkeeper nities in the 84th minute. Brooke Barbuto However, we are consistently and uniformly
“I thought we played awesome; we Marisa Viola to make a jumping save. would fire a dipping shot from long range that deep in depth this year.”
stepped up when we needed to,” said Stony Brook would come back with anoth- was parried away by Brandi Danieles. Danieles The Seawolves improve to 4-1-0, while
Seawolves defender Jackie Timmes. “ er great opportunity in the 40th minute from would come up big again seconds later, as she Towson dropped to 2-1-1. “Towson is an
People are going to start to take notice that Aria Tanzi. Collins would find Tanzi on the denied Fasullo’s point blank shot during a awesome team,” stated Collins. “We came out
we are getting the respect we deserve.” right. Eluding one scramble. hard and they came out hard. At the end of the
Despite Towson possessing the ball for defender off a cutback, Tanzi’s left footed The Seawolves would notch what would be game, the better team wins it.”
the first portion of the first half, the home drive went right to Brandi Daniels. the game-winning goal in the 87th minute. In the first match of the doubleheader,
side would take the lead off a defensive Another golden opportunity would come Fasullo’s inswinging corner kick found its way Providence defeated Lafayette 2-0. Stony
error in the 13th minute. with seconds left in the first half. Kristin to Mishrell. Mishrell then whipped in a cross Brook will play Providence in the finale of the
Cutting off a pass, Kelly Bahnsen found Mishrell sent a perfect left-footed long ball finding Cait Frank. Her rocket one-timer from Holiday Inn Express Tournament at 2:30PM
a sprinting Tiffany Fasullo on the right finding Benthin on the left wing. Benthin’s low close range would make it 2-1. on Sunday, following the Lafayette vs. Towson
wing. Fasullo would then cut to the left, cross found Fasullo, whose one-timer went “We had a lot players impact the game,” match at 11:30PM.
playing a through ball to Kate Collins. inches wide of the right post. stated Ryan. “Brittany started for Trine “I think Towson is a very good team and I’m
Collins’ attempt to reach for the ball led to “A big step was getting Kristin Mishrell (Allenberg) and got the first goal, and then Cait happy with our effort,” said Ryan. “We have to
a scramble in the box. Brittany Benthin back,” said head coach Sue Ryan. “She came Frank scored the second goal.” celebrate today but be ready for Providence. I
would pounce on the loose ball, slotting it back and really is the engine of our team.” The game was nearly tied due to a contro- think we keep getting better and better.”

Seawolves Soccer: SB vs MJIT Seawolves

By Antony Lin Despite having little possession, the “ We switched it up a bit,” men-
___________ Highlanders nearly leveled the score tioned Skoblicki. “I have had some
with a minute to go in the first half. time under my belt before going in, so
In the last tune-up before confer- Oskar Johansson’s effort from close I was confident.”

SB vs
ence play, Stony Brook would hold off
N J I T Highlanders by the score of 2-0
at LaValle Stadium. Michael Palacio
range sailed inches wide of the right
post, with a sliding Jo Rene Va l e n t i n
nearly connecting on the play.
The Seawolves would add the insur-
ance goal in the 89th minute, putting
the game out of reach. Michael

St. Peters
would end up setting an all-time N J I T would pressure heav- Palacio would dance his way
record for assists at Stony Brook. ily throughout the sec- past several defenders off
The Seawolves would end up capi- ond half in a sluggish a series of cutbacks.
talizing on their very first opportunity a ff a i r, as the His outswinging
in the 10th minute. Taking advantage Seawolves looked cross from the left By Anthony Lin
of a misclearance, David We i s b e rg e r to counter. wing found ___________
raced to the ball and slipped one to “ We feel a lot Mohamed, who
Oscar Leis. Leis’ shot from inside the better tonight headed the ball In the final match before the start of con-
box would hit off the left post and into than we did the perfectly into the ference play, the Stony Brook Seawolves
the net for the 1-0 lead. other tonight,” lower left corner. would end up crushing the St. Peter Peahens
“It was good to get an early goal,” said Seawolves “ We scored a 5-0 in front of 200 supporters at LaValle
said Seawolves goalkeeper Rich head coach Cesar good goal early in Stadium.
Skoblicki, who made his first start of Markovic. “I felt we [the] game,” stated “It is always good to win,” said Seawolves
the season for Stony Brook. “That is a had an excellent first Mohamed. “We worked head coach Sue Ryan. “I think a positive
strong point. It is a good way to start.” half. We came out in 2nd hard. Palacio gave me a from this game was that every member that
The home side would threaten again half and struggled to hold the ball.” great ball from a cross and I finished was eligible to play played in this game. It
eight minutes later. Tamer Mohamed The visitor’s first chance in the sec- it. We did not give up and that was a gave us an opportunity to see everyone play
found Leis on a run: Leis’ attempt this ond half would come in the 65th k e y. ” and show what they can do.”
time would be stopped by an oncom- minute. Gustav Wa r f v i n g ’s left footed The Seawolves improve to 3-7-0, The game-winning goal would come for
ing Josh Osit. one-timer from 8 yards out would sail while NJIT drops to 1-7-0. the home side just two minutes in. Brooke
Stony Brook continued the pressure high of the crossbar. “They came at us and we showed Barbuto found Tiffany Fasullo in the box.
in the 25th minute from Mohamed. Off Skoblicki would come up big in the some toughness and focused,” stated From point-blank range, Fasullo sent a low
a cutback on the left wing, Mohamed 68th minute in his first test of the Markovic. “Rich (Skoblicki) got his cross finding Marisa Shibley, who easily put
ripped one from 21 yards out forcing match: Va l e n t i n ’s shot from 9 yards first start and [I] thought he made the ball in the net.
Osit to make a finger tip save over the out would be denied by an onrushing some big saves. The second goal was a
b a r. Skoblicki. big goal that put them away. ” Continued on page 14
Congress Gives Bush the OK to SB vs.
Interpret the Geneva Conventions St. Peters
clear legal definitions, they themselves demands that not only should the govern-
will be subject to the whims and the differ- ment be allowed to use classified informa-
ing interpretations given by foreign courts, tion to prosecute detainees, but the
foreign judges and foreign tribunals. And detainees in question shouldn’t be allowed
Continued from page 13
we don’t think that’s appropriate,” to know what that evidence is.
claimed White House spokesman Tony “You can protect classified information, In the 5th minute, Fasullo would score one
Snow. but you have to have some form of con- of her own courtesy of Barbuto. Barbuto
While it explicitly bans torture and frontation, and we struck a great balance,” played a through ball to Fasullo. From 11
rape, murder, mutilations, sexual assault, said Senator Lindsey Graham. yards out, Fasullo was able to slot the ball
intentional causing of serious injury, and As stated before, the proposed legisla- with hr left foot past Peahens goalkeeper
biological experiments, it allows the CIA tion will grant a degree of immunity for Julian Fueshko to make it 2-0.
to use any other method less severe than Stony Brook would put the game out of
that unless the President prohibits them reach in the 20th minute. Receiving a perfect
via executive order. The bill explicitly bans tor - cross from the left wing by Cait Frank,
Circumventing international law... together! Critics of the bill, including former Kristin Mishrell headed the ball into the
Secretary of State Colin Powell, claim that ture and rape, murder, muti - lower right corner.
by Joe Safdia if America claims the right to interpret the lations, and sexual assault. “We got up early and after our 3rd goal we
___________ Geneva Conventions, it will set a prece- lost our rhythm a little bit especially in the
dent that allows other nations to do the 2nd half,” stated Mishrell. “Eventually we
President George W. Bush and same, potentially putting American troops CIA agents administering the interroga- got it back and started playing possession
Republican allies in the Senate have man- captured in battle by enemy states in dan- tions. It will be the President who decides again and that was a good result.”
aged to reconcile differences over new ger. Powell also stated, in a letter written if an interrogator has committed a war The Seawolves continued to attack heavi-
anti-terror legislation. The Senate voted to Senator John McCain, that this will crime, allowing the CIA to operate with ly. Seeing limited action, Samantha Roos
65-34 in favor of a bill that would set up place more doubt in the international com- more freedom without worrying about collected the ball from Brittany Benthin out-
military tribunals to prosecute suspected munity about America’s morality in rela- violating the Geneva Conventions. Human side the box. Roos’ blistering shot from 30
terrorists on Thursday, September 28, tion to the war on terrorism. rights lawyers oppose this provision, yards out would sail right over the hands of
2006, one day after the House of Another argument that doesn’t seem to claiming that along with the new narrow Fueshko to extend the lead to 4-0.
Representatives passed their own version have been considered is the fact that definition of the Conventions, not allow- “I thought we came out hard,” said
of the bill at a 253-168 vote. The bill will Article 3’s vague language is vital to pre- ing violators to be prosecuted allows them Fasullo, happily celebrating her birthday dur-
also allow President Bush to interpret the venting the mistreatment of prisoners. If to pursue more aggressive, and question- ing post-game. “We let down a bit in 2nd
Geneva Conventions by giving him the there is a clear list of banned interrogation able, interrogation tactics such as “water- half. But for the most part we played a good
authority to decide what forms of interro- techniques, then that would make any boarding”, which is supposed to simulate game.”
gation used on suspected terrorists are vio- technique not on that list is perfectly legal. drowning. St. Peters first threat of the game would
lations of the Conventions and grants legal No list could possibly ban every type of Although the Bush Administration had come in the second half. In the 55th minute,
protection to CIA interrogators by pre- torture or interrogation, and should inter- to compromise with Senate Republicans Jenny Charnley attempted to chip the ball
venting the detainees from declaring that rogators find a cruel method of interroga- and didn’t get everything it wanted, the over Seawolves goalkeeper Marisa Viola
certain methods were violations of the tion not explicitly banned by international White House is giving this bill its full sup- from the right wing. Viola was able to get to
Conventions. law, it would make that method of interro- port. If presented to Bush, the bill will be the ball, tapping it off the left post and away
Due to the minute differences between gation legal. The ambiguous language signed into law. from danger.
the two bills, the House plans to vote on forces the government to take caution dur- “The agreement clears the way to do The home side would add one more in the
the Senate’s version of the bill on Friday, ing interrogations for fear of violating the what the American people expect us to do 85th minute. Trine Allenberg’s outswinging
September 29, 2006. Conventions. — to capture terrorists, to detain terrorists, corner kick found an unmarked Barbuto.
The most notable result of this legisla- Provisions of the bill also allow testi- to question terrorists and then to try Barbuto easily headed the ball in from 2
tion, should it be passed, is that it will monies given under coercion only if they them,” announced the President in support yards out.
explicitly allow the President to redefine were given before the Detainee Treatment of the bill. “We played and set the pace of the game,”
Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions. Act of 2005 and if the judge finds them Despite the White House’s success, mentioned Cait Frank. “We are feeling good
Proponents of the bill, including President reliable. Hearsay evidence would also be Congress failed to compromise on another since we came off a tough weekend and we
Bush himself, claim that this is necessary allowed. Ethical questions aside, one has bill that would grant legal status to Bush’s want to come out strong against BU.”
in order to clear up the ambiguous lan- to wonder about the actual effectiveness of wiretapping program. Although the House Stony Brook improves to 5-3-1, while St.
guage of Article 3, which bans torture of evidence gathered by hearsay and coerced voted in favor of the bill, the Senate’s ver- Peters drops to 1-6-0. The Seawolves open
war prisoners, and provide the administra- statements of prisoners. Classified infor- sion was much different and a compro- up conference play on the road against
tion and CIA with enough clarity to go for- mation can also be used as evidence, but mise before Congress adjourns is not pos- Boston Terriers on Saturday.
ward with interrogations. detainees on trial will be allowed access to sible. That bill will be brought up again “We scored some nice goals,” stated
”If you have people in the field trying it only if prosecutors use it in court. This when Congress meets again after the Ryan. “It gives us some confidence going
to question terrorists, if you do not have d i ffers from the administration’s original November elections. into conference play.”
The Road to Nowhere: Is Atlantis
SBMC an “Imminient Danger”? and
By Rebecca Kleinhaut

The road to proper healthcare has

always been a slippery one. Rising insur- By Michael Felder
ance premiums (and the problems associat- ___________
ed with them) have led us to an age when
the smallest mistakes have large repercus- On the morning of September 9th, the
sions, the smallest of those being a lawsuit space shuttle Atlantis launched from the
and countless reviews by numerous institu- Kennedy Space Center in Florida, carry-
tions. ing six astronauts and another large seg-
Newsday’s recent coverage of the ment of the partially constructed
deaths of three young children has thrust International Space Station into orbit. It is
Stony Brook University Medical Center’s 5:00 AM only the third flight attempted after the
Doesn’t the hospital remind you of Lego blocks?
credibility into a hot zone. While the story Columbia disaster in early 2003 and the
made the front page upon first appearance, latory affairs, issued a statement soon after, panels that reportedly began their investi- first to truly resume the shuttle program’s
the spotlight has dimmed progressively as stating that the problem was “immediately gations two months ago have yet to reveal agenda to honor our commitments to
the questions become harder to answer. identified and reversed” before any dam- any of their findings. While Dr. John NASA’s international partners by com-
This steady decline in press surrounding age could be made. Ricotta was named as a defendant in the pleting the construction of the hugely
the hospital has left many wondering if Although this particular death was not lawsuit concerning the death of Amee expensive and complex station. The
SBMC needs to make changes or if investigated by the Department of Health, Martin, the Department of Health has not crews of both the station and the shuttle
Newsday was simply in need of something the incident was soon followed by an posted any infractions in his profile on performed superbly, deploying the second
to print. announcement. On September 18, their website. The page has not even been l a rge solar array from the Atlantis addi-
Beginning in July, Newsday began to University President Shirley Strum Kenny updated since October of 2005. An article tion, effectively doubling the station’s
report a series of articles about the deaths announced the names of an investigative about E. Coli in spinach appears on the ability to generate electricity. Overall, the
of three young children in the hospital, all panel that she had appointed. Her choice of home page while their statistics concerning whole mission got pretty effective press
of which happened around the same time. panelists was then applauded by Newsday infant heart surgery at SBMC have not coverage; you could find the story on
One was the death of seven-year-old Tyler as being one of “blue ribbon” caliber. The been updated since 2003. Any prospect of most major sites that carry national news.
Poole, who died during adenoid surgery, panel includes Dr. Aran Chobanian, the information has also been lost with Yet, once the crew is safely on Earth and
otherwise known as the cure for tonsillitis. President Emeritus of Boston University JCAHO; any mention of their “investiga- all the praise is handed out, with all the
Another was an incident involving a pre- and Charles Young, the former Chancellor tion” at Stony Brook has failed to grace its flashy, loud displays of launch over with,
maturely born infant who was suffering of UCLA, and is led by Dr. Mitchell website in any form. The Suffolk County the space program will once again drop
from a heart defect, as well as kidney and Rabkin, the former president of Beth Israel District Attorney’s office has released away from the headlines and the general
liver damage. Hospital. press releases on robberies and illegal public consciousness.
The most publicized incident involved The probe into the infant deaths has led immigrants, but there is nothing about I run into a lot of different levels of
o n e - y e a r-old Amee Martin, who was to more than just an investigation by their promised investigation of the hospi- interest in, and knowledge of, our space
brought to the hospital on May 12th after Kenny’s personal panel. The action began tal. program. Some people think it’s general-
her parents stated that she had stopped with a hefty $38,000 fine after nineteen Of course, this could be due to the opin- ly a waste of time and money, as we have
breathing. violations were found by the New York ion that there truly is nothing to worry to solve so many problems on the planet
Newsday refers to what happened next Department of Health, including the for- about. A recent town meeting highlighted before we can even consider leaving it.
as “a series of errors.” Interviews later con- merly improper technique of administering the lack of infant deaths at SBMC, while Some, of course, avidly support it, but in
firmed that a catheter was inserted into her anesthesia. Not only has the Department of Shirley Strum Kenny expressed her dis- general I run into people under informed
artery instead of a vein, causing a blood Health started their own investigation, but content over not having her letters of about the scope and purpose of the pro-
clot to form overnight. When the clot was the Suffolk County District Attorney’s praise for the hospital printed in Newsday. gram in recent years. Our media does a
removed in surgery the next day, she was office, led by Thomas Spota, claimed to SBMC has even changed hospital policy: terrible job of covering NASA in general,
accidentally given twenty seven times the jump on soon after. This was then followed now, all medications that are being used by aside from the occasional shuttle launch-
proper amount of papaverine, which by another investigation by the Joint an anesthesiologist must be labeled and es. There is so much more at work
served to expand the blood vessel. A l a w- Commission on Accreditation of approved by two doctors before use. beyond our gravity than is generally
suit was filed after Amee’s death, which Healthcare Organizations (JCAHO), who Not only has the medical community known or appreciated. After the Apollo
named Dr. John Ricotta, the chief of sur- are responsible for maintaining upkeep of stayed out of the spotlight when the diff i- missions that controlled the total attention
gery, Dr. Zvi Jacob, the anesthesiologist accredited programs in the first place. The cult questions are asked (including those at of the nation with their bold moon land-
present at the time of her surgery, two res- situation swelled even more after the the Hospital), but it seems that Newsday ings, the public in general seemed to grow
idents, and one nurse as being responsible Federal programs of Medicaid and has successfully been able to slink away on bored with space travel. The public, I
for her death. The lawsuit later prompted Medicare stood up and proposed that they this issue as well. They even failed to dig- think, grew too accustomed to the suc-
State Health Commissioner Antonia would get involved as well. itally archive the original groundbreaking cesses and took for granted the incredibly
Novello to claim that pediatric patients It seemed as if the only people who story, which appeared in print this summer. tough and dangerous task of space travel.
were in “imminent danger” and led the refused to form an investigative panel were Amee Martin’s mother said that the gross The Columbia served as something like
fight to close the pediatric cardiac catheter- the Trustees of Stony Brook University, oversights that occurred during her daugh- shock therapy to everyone within NASA,
ization program. who voted down the idea for an independ- ter’s hospital stay were “almost like mur- with the Columbia commission assessing
In August, Newsday reported that a sim- ent panel on September 26. However, der.” However, publicity on the unit’s shut- that complacency throughout the com-
ilar incident occurred in the OR. many trustees expressed their discontent down is few and far between. While many mand structure of the agency led to the lax
According to Dr. Richard Fine, the Dean of for a University-approved panel, question- are simply unwilling to talk about it, others safety measures that doomed the seven
Stony Brook’s medical school, a child was ing whether or not it would be independent claim that there is nothing to be concerned people aboard the shuttle. The craft disin-
given an overdose of an unspecified med- of the University in its findings. about. Was Newsday simply hard up for tegrated on reentry due to a small hole in
ication. No other details have been The past few months have been com- material this summer, or have they opened the heat shield on one wing. Afterwards,
released, including the child’s age. Dr. prised of many accusations and promises up a gigantic can of worms that many are Bush announced something he called his
William Green, associate director of regu- of pending investigations. None of the afraid to touch?
Continued on page 18
choice, it’s either an “alternative
lifestyle”…or an immoral choice pun-
ishable by harassment, jail time or
death. Well, what a lovely debate we
— no, t h e y — are having. As if the
Breeder A rgument weren’t atrocious
enough, we find ourselves having to
muck around in this nonsense!
Whatever happened to the idea of
human life as an end in itself?
Whatever happened to the idea that all
people are entitled to fundamental dig-
nity by virtue of being human beings
with inalienable, natural rights? A n d
whatever happened to “We ’ re here ,
w e ’ re queer, get used to it!”? We’re so
busy muddling around with these futile
a rguments that we don’t cut to the
heart of things…
Is queerness natural? Is it a choice?
Who the hell care s ?
Whether or not being queer is a
deliberate choice, or whether it is natu-
ral, is an absurd and meaningless arg u-

Who Cares If Queerness Is Chosen

ment that only serves to force us to jus-
tify ourselves as queer. Who or what
gives anybody the right to put others in

or Genetic?
that position?
Drag queens fought for our dignity
By Marcel Votlucka at Stonewall; I doubt they were con-
cerned with that inane debate of
I t ’s not often that a straight person and the scientific. ty and righteousness. Never mind the ‘nature versus nurture’. No…they sim-
finds themselves having to justify their The former is best summed up this implications for those who choose not ply asserted their value as human
own humanity. Queer folk, on the way: God created Adam and Eve, not to have children — or those who can- beings no matter what — and so we
other hand, face such a dilemma all the Adam and Steve! And if God cre a t e d not. Never mind how it treats women should go back to that simple principle.
time. How else can you describe that man as baby factories for male progeny. One of the fundamental ideals of
incessant debate over whether homo- and woman to be together and have Never mind how it makes a mockery of Western civilization is that all people
sexuality is a choice or genetic? kids, then being straight must be sanc - individual rights, needs, desires and are entitled to fundamental dignity and
T h e r e ’s certainly no such debate tioned by God. There f o re, if you’re choices. individual rights just by virtue of being
over heterosexuality. Why would there q u e e r, you’re going against God’s plan Instead, here is the cardinal sin: human. Our legal and moral codes are
be? After all, straight people can take and there f o re you’re sinful and just thousands of years of rich human l a rgely based off that ideal. Yet homo-
themselves for granted. They’re the plain wrong! progress — medicine, art, music, sci- phobes**, be they secular or religious,
majority of the population. They made The latter rejects fairy tales and tries ence, language, philosophy, industrial- go against these ideals every time they
the unspoken rules we have to live by. the Darwinian approach: A s p e c i e s ization, space travel, the Internet, great try to make an argument against homo-
T h a t ’s why we hear things like “O h , ( s a y, homo sapiens) cannot survive and civilizations and diverse cultures — sexuality with the Breeder A rgument or
I’ve no problems with the homosexual thrive unless its members pro c re a t e . the Breeder A rgument reduces it all to whatever absurd propaganda they cook
l i f e s t y l e” (as if there were a problem in Generally there are two sexes, male nothing. If all arguments against up. They fail to realize that that sexu-
the first place) or “Why do gay people and female, and both must couple in homosexuality are grounded in the ality is a fluid thing; “arguing” against
always have to flaunt it?” (as if o rder to carry on their DNA, and con - Breeder A rgument, then all arg u m e n t s homosexuality is morally equivalent to
straight couples holding hands and tinue the species. If all humans were to against homosexuality reduce the “ a rguing” against heterosexuality. Is
talking about their relationships, mar- human race to a pack of barnyard ani- this a futile game or what?
riages, and sexual conquests isn’t The issue of procreation is mals — a stinking flock of unthinking, As I said earlier, nobody expects a
“flaunting it”). Straight folk don’t unfeeling, ignorant savages. straight person to defend themselves
have to even think about it much; where ideological attacks on But wait! Researchers are working — to defend heterosexuality. People
everyone is assumed to be “straight” queer folk and same sex mar - around the clock to try to refute the would think you crazy if you seriously
and expected to act the part. Breeder A rgument, showing scientific broached the subject. Maybe that’s
Putting it bluntly, that means: a ) s e x riage come from. All “argu - evidence that being queer is natural because people don’t care to examine
is only between men and women what really lies beneath arguments and
ments agaisnt homosexuality and not a choice! This is supposed to
(unless it’s two hot girls and then a give queer folk ammunition when agi- debates over homosexuality or queer-
man can enjoy the show all he wants) reduce the human race to a tating for equal rights and equal digni- ness?
b ) “man on top” in any facet of life, ty vis a vis straight people. Hence we Maybe it’s time we did so.
not just sex, and c ) have lots and lots of
pack of barnyard animals. see study after study showing how
kids. same sex couples make superb parents, *For the purpose of this essay, let’s
The last part – procreation — is couple with members of their own sex that people don’t consciously choose i g n o re for the moment a certain misin -
where ideological attacks on queer folk e x c l u s i v e l y, the species would eventu - their sexuality, et cetera blah blah t e r p reted fairy tale about Sodom and
(and especially on same-sex marriage) ally dwindle and die out. There f o re, to blah… Then the homophobes put out G o m o rroah — which is actually about
come from. All so-called “arg u m e n t s ” be homosexual is to go against the nat - their own studies (with help from that the attempted rape of Lot’s guests in
against homosexuality stem from the ural order of life. discredited lunatic, Paul Cameron) and his own home, not homosexuality.
issue of procreation. Cajole a homo- See, religion and science aren’t preach from Genesis and Romans and
phobe long enough and you’ll see them totally irreconcilable after all! The Origin of Species until their faces * *For lack of a better word, I will
clutch it for dear life. For simplicity’s The Breeder A rgument holds procre- turn blue. continue to use “homophobe”, seman -
sake I’ll call this the “Breeder ation as the supreme human value. It I t ’s a vicious cycle. If queerness is tic games aside (“oh, we’re not afraid
A rgument”. There are two versions of basically says that the choice of having deemed natural, then it’s okay to be of gays, we just…disagree with
the Breeder A rgument, the religious* kids is the stairway to moral superiori- gay…or it’s a disease. If it’s deemed a them!”)
Atlantis and Beyond (continued)
Continued from page 16 edge of mars. The Reconnaissance from now. The shuttle was never designed
Orbiter will return more volume of data to leave Earth’s orbit so, in a sense, we lost
“vision” for space exploration, redirecting than all previous space missions com- the capabilities we had 40 years ago to
NASA to a new series of priorities that bined. There is an orbiter mission to travel beyond our planet. The program
will shape the future of our space program. Saturn named Cassini, the first to visit the calls for returning humans to the moon
The real successes of NASA in recent planet since the Voyager missions 30 years before 2020 for much longer durations,
years have not come from the manned ago. It has produced the most detailed practicing for the much more challenging
missions, but rather robotic rovers and images of Saturn, its rings, and its many task of getting to Mars, set for no earlier
satellites. There are missions exploring moons ever encountered (one looks damn than 2030. If we ever made the choice of
regions of the solar system that have never close to the Death Star for some reason). going to mars, the travel time each way is
been reached before. Since January 2004, There is a recently launched mission to about three months, so we would certainly
there have been two golf cart-sized robot- Pluto (before it was raped of its planet sta- want to stay on the surface for a good
ic rovers in continuous operation on the tus) that will take nine years to reach its while to make the trip worth it. There are
surface of Mars. Their original warranty t a rget. There are satellites studying the plans to build extremely powerful tele-
was about three months of operation sun, which strangely was neglected by scopes in the coming decades that would
before their components wore out and many countries’ space programs until be capable of taking images of planets
failed, yet the mission is approaching three about fifteen years ago. In the last five orbiting other stars. Imagine the excite-
years, and the rovers have shown incredi- years or so some satellites have been sent ment when the first pictures of a planet
ble resilience and reliability. This is to intercept comets and asteroids. One that appears as ours does, with blue oceans
a rguably the most important space mission named Stardust trailed a comet, collected and white clouds, are recorded. Many
in recent years, with the robot geologists the material that makes up its tail, and more powerful robotic missions are
confirming that Mars once appeared as the returned to Earth for analysis. All the planned for Mars and the icy moons of
Earth does, with proof that water oceans images returned by these missions are Jupiter, other places in the solar system
once existed for periods of time on the sur- something that people even twenty or thir- NASA that seem promising for the existence of
face. This discovery also supports those ty years ago could never have imagined. life. All of this, of course, depends on the
who argue that life once might have exist- It’s easy to look up any of these missions fusion of Apollo shaped rockets with support of many different presidents and
ed on our neighbor planet. Only microbial on the internet, if you’re interested. space shuttle engine technology. There congresses, as well as the public in gener-
life, of course, but even the knowledge of The future of NASA seems very ambi- are two main rockets, one massive cargo al. It certainly may not end up the way its
that kind of life on another planet is tious. After the completion of the space lifter, and a smaller crew rocket, being been laid out by NASA, but after wasting
enough. The Mars Global Surveyor, Mars station, the agency seeks to retire the shut- separate mainly for safety concerns. The ridiculous billions of dollars in our Iraq
Odyssey, and the brand new Mars tle in 2010 and introduce its new space- new craft is designed specifically for the adventure, we could stand to support
Reconnaissance Orbiter, combined with craft, called the Crew Exploration Vehicle purposes of returning to manned missions something that at least has clear lasting
the rovers, all work to expand our knowl- by about 2014. This new spacecraft is a to the moon and then to Mars many years benefit to the future of our civilization.

Campaign to Kick Out Coca-Cola

By Amelia Fischer vidual Coca-Cola bottling plant in India luted well water to survive. Many will argue that these violations of
___________ takes up to 250,000 gallons of water per The Center for Science and human rights are off the radar of Coca-
day from local water sources in order to Environment, a research center based in Cola Corporate, which subcontracts plants
A grave issue was addressed this past make their products. Since 70 % of India’s New Delhi, tested a range of Coca-Cola internationally, and therefore the human
week when Amit Srivastava from the people rely on agriculture to make a liv- products from around India and found that rights violations are a local issue only. If
India Resource Center came to the Stony ing, water is a necessity on multiple lev- they contained 24 times more pesticides the heads of Coca-Cola Corporate don’t
Brook campus. Srivastava els. Water short- than are allowed by European Union or know about these human rights violations,
spoke with a small gath- ages have become United States standards. The Coca-Cola they are criminally negligent. If they do
ering of students about an urgent prob- products sold to 1.2 billion people who know, then they are simply criminal
the Coca-Cola lem around live in India are banned in the U.S. and the because they are deliberately turning a
Company and its cor- Coca-Cola E.U. because they are so dangerous to blind eye.
rupt international labor plants, affecting consume. The same products were tested If awareness is brought to these horrify-
practices. These days tens of thousands three years later in 2003, after the Indian ing labor practices, Coca-Cola will even-
one can almost expect of people every Government put pressure on Coca-Cola, tually be forced to change its policies.
huge corporations to day. and the exact same results were found. Think of what an example this company
behave badly in the The poisoned The Coca-Cola Company has not done could set for others if it dramatically
developing world, and wastewater from anything to change its destructive busi- changed its policies! It could be an incred-
the populace has these Coca-Cola ness practices. ible force for just business practices. By
become complicit in plants is indis- The human-rights abuses are rampant refusing to sign exclusive contracts with
this horrifying trend. criminately dis- in other countries as well, such as Coca-Cola, public institutions like Stony
There have been posed of into the Colombia, Guatemala, El Salvador, Chile, Brook University are sending a message
many serious accusa- surrounding Peru, Nicaragua, Venezuela, Pakistan, that this behavior will not be tolerated. We
tions brought against community. The Russia, and Tu r k e y. The international bot- must demand corporate responsibility.
the Coca-Cola long-term public tling plants of the Coca-Cola Company I am confident that the majority of the
Company backed by health conse- have been implicated in anti-union activi- Stony Brook University community
strong evidence in India quences of these ties for decades. Death threats, murder, prefers to support ethical companies that
and Colombia. These actions are yet abductions, and coercion are some of the recognize their corporate responsibility.
c h a rges begin with the unknown, but tactics commonly used to discourage There are local and non-local companies
water shortages that people in rural unionizing. The Coca-Cola Company is that exemplify these qualities, and their
Coca-Cola’s bottling India don’t have fully aware of these practices by their products are just as good as Coca-Cola’s.
plants have caused in a choice: they business partners and does nothing to dis-
rural India. Each indi- must use this pol- courage it. Continued on next page
State of the University Address:
A Student’s Perspective
By Esam Al-Shareffi ing of local government officials and oth-
___________ ers who are “part of the Stony Brook
family,” President Kenny got down to
After a fine meal of spicy lamb curry business. She outlined many statistics,
at Jasmine, I happened to walk by the increased average SAT scores of appli-
Staller Center where some food and cants, increased numbers of applicants,
drinks were being prepared. Curious, I increased selectivity, greater numbers of
looked around and found a tiny poster out-of-state freshmen, and so on. She
that mentioned the University proudly talked about the new Journalism
Convocation, featuring a “State of the m a j o r, increased demand for seats in the
University” address by Stony Brook school of medicine, more scholarship
University President Shirley Strum money, and finally, a decent budget from
Kenny. Having been e-mailed about this SUNY.
a few days ago and having finished all of There were probably even more posi-
my classes for the day, I decided that it tive statistics, but to get the reader’s
could not hurt to hear what was going on. interest back, I will now dwell on the
Entering the Staller Center I was negative aspects. First, the President
approached by a stern faced lady. She admitted to the widespread facility prob-
directed me to the stairs that led to the lems on campus, blaming “the brutalist
Mariana Martins
main auditorium, and there I was handed architecture and sub-standard concrete”
a program that confirmed the “State of of the buildings constructed on campus.
the University” address as well as includ- She even went further to state that there funds, but what about housing these extra alone. At the same time that the con-
ed the names of over a hundred new fac- was an epidemic of infrastructure prob- students? What about getting into your struction of new buildings is being
ulty members who have joined Stony lems and the need to remove “unhealthy required classes and their sheer size? planned, we have, and I quote the
Brook. As I was somewhat early there building materials” (that is asbestos in Can our facilities and infrastructure han- President’s own words here, an “epidem-
were only a handful of people dressed my book,) but promised only to take care dle such an increase? No where in the ic” of infrastructure problems.
formally in the auditorium, and I pro- of the most critical concerns. Of course, presentation was any provision or discus- Reasonable minds are wondering
ceeded to sit in a spot that was not quite it will likely come as no surprise to the sion made of getting more buses, more whether or not it is possible to use the
at the center of the room, but close to it. reader that the construction surrounding parking spaces, or more housing to deal money earmarked for new construction
There I waited as the room began to with the current and future influx, except to first improve and renovate our cam-
get filled to about half capacity with a The President admitted to... for a vague commitment to “either reno- pus. Furthermore, the student voice in
multitude of faculty and administrators, vate or build new” housing, but only after the decision making process seems to be
these distinguished men and women ’The brutalist architecture other priorities were met. In a later por- non-existent. While I am not so radical
chatting in their groups. At first I was and sub-standard concrete’ of tion of the speech, President Kenny was as to demand so much as an equal share
able to overhear the comments and the talking about how students were telling in this area for students, I think it would
little jokes, but before long the atmos- the buildings constructed her, for the first time, “how much they be reasonable if the administration and
phere transformed into that akin to a pep love Stony Brook,” but in the same sen- faculty of Stony Brook would at least
rally, with noise everywhere but nothing
on campus
tence complained about “too many peo- inform and consult, in a non-binding
entirely audible. I kept looking for fel- ple in dining facilities.” There seems to way, with students on the wisdom of new
low students in the room but found only the Administration building was the first be a major disconnect here about the policies and on the overall mission of the
a handful, and these were people who to be completed…. implications of more students on campus. campus. It seems as if most of the deci-
were just not dressed in suits, so I was Of greater interest was the President’s Overall, the picture looked quite sions made by President Kenny and oth-
not even sure of their identities. At about notion that the fact that we now have the bright. At least in terms of statistics, life ers are quite appropriate and have the
4:10 pm, only ten minutes after the greatest number of students attending at Stony Brook is now better than ever, interests of the University in mind, but in
scheduled time, the President took the Stony Brook than ever before – at around and a fair assessment of the situation a few other areas (like the proposed
stage to universal applause and began her 22,600 – was a good thing, with a pro- would likely support this conclusion. increase in admissions I discussed earli-
speech. jected figure of 25,000 in a few years! Still, this campus and its well-being can- er,) it seems as if some student involve-
After the usual pleasantries, the thank- Sure, the university may get more tuition not be measured in terms of statistics ment would do us all quite a bit of good.

Campaign to Kick Out Coke (continued)

Continued from previous page University and Manhattanville College) issues that we feel powerless to change, For more information:
have already done. but this is a global issue with a very local
We could sign contracts with a few of This issue is a great example of the solution! -Meetings for the Campaign to Kick Out
these different beverage companies, giv- “think globally, act locally” idea. This is a Demanding that our Administration do Coca-Cola are Thursdays from 6:30 to 7:00
ing students a valuable choice in where global issue, affecting millions of people the right thing will not be comfortable or pm in the Student Union, 2nd floor lounge.
they put their money. Competition is good in every country in the world. We can send easy; but justice doesn’t come about on its
for economies of all sizes. Having Coca- a strong message to the Coca-Cola own, and it is frequently buried under eco- - is a great resource
Cola exclusively on campus does not Company by boycotting their products nomic necessity that is hard to overcome. for more information on the Coca-Cola
allow for competition. We must demand a and by refusing to renew our contract with However, our Administration must ask Company’s business practices
choice. Students who live on campus real- them in January of 2008. We have a good itself what it values more: a business rela-
istically have no choice in what they amount of time to convince the adminis- tionship with the egregiously unethical - A complete list of Coca-Cola products can
drink. We have a responsibility to change tration that we don’t want our University Coca-Cola Company, or the respect of the be found at
that, just as 29 other college campuses supporting human rights violations around global community and the students of this h t t p : / / w w w . t h e c o c a -
(such as New York University, DePaul the world. There are a myriad of global University.
It’s the End of the World as We Know it...
and I Feel “‘Re’-fine”
By Michael P. Lindeman What happens when the oil is taken out (or leaks If we can infer that the basic mechanical laws tures, melting what is left of the caps and caus-
___________ out)? Your engine heats up and seizes. If I ask of a car (or jet) engine are similar to the laws of ing increased amounts of seismic and volcanic
you to take the oil out of your vehicle’s engine mechanical earth, we then can deduce that there activity, or it will just cave in like an old
On 12 Sep. 2006, news was reported by so I could use it to sell for a sizable profit, you is a direct correlation between the depletion of coalmine.
Technology Review that U.S. off-shore drilling would probably tell me to get bent (or other oil reserves and the increasing temperatures of My advice to remedy this potential catastro-
equipment had successfully been “refined” and choice words to your choosing). This may seem the earth’s outer crust. If the lack of oil con- phe would be to start researching different
tested in waters more than “7,000 feet deep,” like a foolish question to ask, but more relevant tributes to degree changes on the upper layers, effects oil extraction has on global warming. If
able to dig “28,175 feet,” sustaining “15,000- than you might think. could this explain why ice caps are melting so this theory proves correct, sanctions should be
20,000 pounds of pressure.” This drilling equip- Imagine earth as an engine. It has a hot rapidly in Alaska, a major area for oil extrac- implemented to cease fossil fuel drilling imme-
ment will be used in the near future by three molten core and many different layers of rock tion? Could this be a major cause of global diately. Also, alternate forms of energy, such as
major U.S. oil companies to extract an estimat- that shift, a process scientist refer to as plate tec- warming scientists might have overlooked? I ethanol, wind, and nuclear power, should be
ed 3 to 15 billion gallons of oil from the Gulf of tonics. Far below the Earth’s surface there are know when I look up all day, sometimes I for- exclusively used to prevent further destruction
Mexico, which would raise the U.S. oil reserves large deposits of oil. The oil acts as a coolant get to look down. of the earth’s engine. Lastly, synthetic or recy-
by “up to 50%.” protecting outer layers from the hot molten core, Oil companies have been extracting fossil cled fossil fuels should be placed back into the
preventing overheating. The oil acts as a lubri- fuels from the earth since the 1870s. Just imag- giant holes, a process which might re-stabilize
What is the reason oil is used in your car’s cant for rock - on - rock cold play. When you ine how many gallons of heat-inhibiting oil the earth’s temperature.
engine instead of water or air? It acts as a take the oil out all you have are air and vapors. have been drained from the earth already. Now
coolant and lubricant for all the metal parts in Being an aircraft mechanic myself, I know that these oil companies are about to take 3 to 15 bil- Urstadt, Bryant. “Going Deeper For More
the engine. Oil boils at a much higher tempera- if the jet engine oil system is not bled of air prop- lion gallons more out of the earth’s engine. With Oil.” Technology Review on the Web.
ture than water, making it an ideal liquid for the erly, there is a great chance for increased friction that much empty space where the oil once was, 12 Sept. 2006, 14 Sept. 2006.
high intensities of heat the engine produces. of the gears and eventual breakdown of parts. the earth will either heat to unstable tempera- <>.

Fuck Goose Feces

An underground movement has infiltrated college cam- - You just don’t get it. I’m going to fucking kill those – and their humor is wry and biting.
puses nationwide. Geese cover the campus, and they defe- fuck… - Nope. I wouldn’t be killing these geese with some shit
cate with impunity. They walk in boisterous groups across - Perhaps we should focus on your group’s long-term worth reading.
the grounds and drop bombs wherever they please, creat- goals. So far, I’ve yet to hear a name attached to you. - Right. So James, your organization’s long term goals
ing a nuisance for anyone on their way to class and an out- What’s your name, what are your goals, how do you envi- would be…?
right injunction against sports like soccer and football. But sion yourselves? - Our fucking name! Citizens Against Goose Shit. You for-
a select group of individuals have begun to fight back, and - Well, it’s like this. One day, I was sitting in my dorm. got to ask our name. Make sure you mention that shit.
to spread their message of insurrection to the populace. And then I had class. So, you know, I’m going to class, Um, right. Our goals. Well, it depends. I’ve been telling
This intrepid reporter was able to snag an interview with and I step in some shit. So I’m like, “Fuck you, goose.” everyone to kill the geese. But that won’t teach them.
one of the resistance movement’s young stars, James Gave that motherfucker a taste of his own medicine. I shit (Turns, whips back)
Messina. What follows is a verbatim transcription. on a newspaper, then beat a goose to death with it. -…
- You killed a goose? - I fuck ‘em. I’m going to fuck every one of them. Let
- So, James… them see how it feels.
- Hey man, whoa. Fucking shit, watch out! (indicates - (Disconcerted.) I’m pretty sure that this isn’t an eye for an
goose feces) eye scenario, James. Your punishment doesn’t seem to fit
- … Thanks. the crime.
- Yeah man, that was fucking close. - You’ve seen them preening themselves? They have long
- Anyway. Um… (consults notes) I see that – necks! Motherfuckers… I tried to fuck one and it bit my
- Look, man! Fuck those notes. They aren’t going to tell stomach before I could get inside! I can tell they like it –
you anything. (Again, indicates goose feces.) Fuck them I’m going to make her wear a Donald Duck mask, that’s
birds! Those motherfucking cocksuckers… I wish I could right…
just kill all those arrogant quacking bastards and fuck their - What the hell? Look, I’ve got to –
corpses… - (Seizes tape recorder.) Don’t believe him, man! The
- Excuse me, James, - what the hell did you just say? fucking Press won’t tell you the truth! We need to do
- Fucking sons of… Oh shit. Are you recording all this? something to get rid of goose shit! It’s everywhere, and it’s
- Um, yes. I told you before I pressed ‘record’. annoying! And if we kill them, and fuck them – They’re
Adina Silverbush
- Oh… oh. Well, edit that shit out. Fucking – smart. Those fuckers are calculating. I’m going to teach
Shake that ass
- Would you like me to edit that out, too? them a lesson, going to show them all… Why doesn’t she
- Why, so I come off all learned and shit? Fuck that, you - Yeah. love me? Is it ‘cuz of Donald? Oh God, I’m so sorry.
dumb motherfucker. The people have to know, the geese - With a newspaper covered in…?
– the geese, they have to know too. - Shit. Yeah. So… I guess those are our long term plans. James later mailed me, stating he was certain that in the
- What? Fucking keep beating these geese with shit-stained news- next few weeks, his strategy will have succeeded, and
- Fuck you! papers until they fucking learn. we’ll see no more geese for several months. His methods
- You’re aware I’m the one writing this. You could stand - Do you have one you prefer to use? are unorthodox, to say the least, but he’s already seeing
to be nicer. - You mean a newspaper? results. Frightened geese can be seen flying away amidst
- Look man, that won’t solve shit. (Indicates feces) Fuck - Yes. a honking clamor that is sure to be the goose equivalent of
that! I’m going to kill them all. And fuck them. And cook - I use The Patriot. The issues are pretty small, but they terror.
them… Those motherfuckers… (trails off, inaudible) fold up nice, and I don’t read them anyway.
- Um, in that order? - I hear they’ve got some insightful political commentary, —Dr. Albus Fistfuck
A Poet’s Dream
further into the void and conquer the of mathematical maturity. But, more than that, my inter-
existential dichotomy, I had to take ests were changing drastically, and I moved from talking
one giant leap forward towards a about mathematics and physics with my friends to feel-
faithful risk. Would I, should I, must ing isolated because I could not discuss radical left-wing
I, can I change for the best? For, politics with a group of moderates. Clearly, it wasn’t
despite claiming to be the most radi- their fault, it was mine: it was my refusal to realize that
cal liberal, I was, after all, afraid of change was necessary and that I needed to find a new
the changes in my life. I never would place to hang out and new people with which to connect.
believe three years ago that my major It was at this moment that I realized I would be leaving
would change into philosophy and math and physics to pursue something different. I want-
applied mathematics; my expecta- ed to experiment with philosophy, but my father did not
tions were higher, bigger, greater take it well, and the first time I brought up even the idea
than I could ever imagine. I wanted of leaving the natural sciences to do the social sciences,
to be a theoretical physicist and a my father explained—and rightly so—that I would have
mathematician; but was I ever going to find a job and work from now on. I took it well, but
to learn, succumbing to the hungry it was a painful thing to realize that my financial securi-
beast, that life never goes your way. ty from a field so prestigious and well-known was no
And since life never, ever goes the longer going to be assured. In the market, it just doesn’t
way one expects, because life and all pay well to be a social science person.
its dichotomies presented to us in the But my life would turn inside out as I realized how
form of human uncertainties can be disillusioned I was by the whole process of becoming a
so unbearable, it is my duty to pres- philosophy major. I was just not happy with this deci-
ent myself cogently and articulate a sion, and what should have been the most productive
past so awesome, so dangerous, and semester became the most destructive; I had no direction
so different as to perplex the most and no purpose at Stony Brook. I could not get along
rational mind. It was by overcoming with any of my friends in the Society of Physics
my own fears of taking a faithful risk Students; I couldn’t talk politics with any of them and I
that I was able to achieve my goals to just couldn’t fathom the experience of leaving a club that
return to school and find some meas- felt like home to search out new places to hang out. I
ure of stability and change necessary wanted desperately to fit in, but I knew as well that I was
to overcome my illness and accli- greatly in love with a fellow student who came to my aid
mate to the stressful environment of in a tumultuous time when I first heard my father had
the underclass. I hope that the story cancer. I wanted to be a political philosopher, and she
I present to academics and students bought me my first political philosophy book; it con-
can be emotionally fulfilling in a tained the famous works of Rousseau, and I sat there at
sense that they can learn from the the hospital reading it every morning while I waited for
Dedicated to my dad, Prof. Noam Chomsky, and Prof. hard lessons learned in the often conflicting and depress- her to come see me. We were good friends, and she kept
Dusa McDuff, for never giving up on me and for giving ing melodies of impoverishment. I remember the last me company; she was always encouraging, always
me so much useful advice. few days I resided in Sienna, there was much grief at the thoughtful of how difficult matters were for me from the
fact that I was leaving behind close friends and that I onset of my first suicide attempt in January. But there
If there was ever a story to tell, a story with the sign would have to acclimate to a new environment. I also were the most painful experiences: her holding my
of tempos and patterns, a story with the sweet vibes of learned, and should have learned a long time ago, that hand to tell me she was accepted into graduate school at
curiosity and the overwhelming spiritual bliss of the cre- one must first get better before he is ever to attempt to the hospital, and I having to let go of that hand because
ative heart, if there was ever a sign of the times and the help others in the process. It is my hope and the hope of the pain was too much. Here I was with the most perfect
times changing with the course of a historic trend, then those who have helped me that I can get better and find woman, the one who came to my aid, though I never
that time certainly has swept me off my feet, and I’ve some measure of spirituality in my struggle to find some asked her, when I never expected her to do so. All I
caught a glimpse of an extraordinary adventure that has good degree of personal happiness and fulfillment. could do was let go at that moment and recollect how
brought me through every level of human feeling and Not long ago, almost two years ago, I embraced a new painful this friendship would be, how meaningless this
emotion. Yes, there were wizards and prophets; for once level of thought, and that was atheism. I had long sus- all seemed to me at that moment. What a powerful
in my life, I had a dream that I was summoned to a farm. pected that I was an atheist, but I was often isolated in moment, I thought, what a thing to remember in a time
A wise woman stood in the middle of a room with three my views; I could not understand more than I wanted. I when my life had no purpose at all. There was a sense of
wise men. She approached me and whispered in my ear, could not tolerate other individuals’ belief systems, but I escape, a sense of being one whole, but this trip into
“You are the Messiah.” Only then was I gripped with grew to realize that everyone is entitled to their opinion. codependency would reveal its most destructive quali-
fear and humility, running out of the farm crying to God, In my life at that time, I was beginning to realize how ties when she finally moved to Indiana to attend gradu-
“Why?!” as hard as I could, as hard as I could emotion- limited I was and how problematic most of my issues ate school in experimental particle physics at Notre
ally express. “I hate you, you bastard!” I ran through were. I was a mathematics and physics undergraduate, Dame. But there were happy moments: right after I
the fields as hard as I could, I ran to the other side of the and I had dreams of being a Nobel Prize winner and came out of the hospital, she and I had dinner in Kelly
woods as the sunrise began appearing above the horizon. Fields Medalist; I had dreams of integrating all the four Quad. She began discussing Greek mythology, talking
There, in my exhaustion, I fell to my knees and began to forces of nature into a Grand Unified Theory and finally about how the gods became jealous of the beautiful
cry—yes, cry—cry, “Why me?” As funny as this story, solving the enigma of quantum gravity. I studied and whole and had to split it apart into men and women, then
as this dream, may seem, to the uncanny mind it seems interacted with the most brilliant minds, but I was caught separate them and distance them on opposite ends of the
to be rather a random set of neurons sending massive up in the moment for too long. I soon understood that Earth. What beautiful poetry, I thought; one would think
amounts of electrical energy from one section to the my illness would make it very difficult for me to do long such things wouldn’t be so ironic, wouldn’t be so true in
next. I agree with Freud, I agree with Joseph Campbell: proofs in the form of long sentences and statements; I the end….
dreams are a mirror image of a truly human odyssey. An could not master the whole methodology of problem-
odyssey that can inspire the soul to produce the most solving in physics, merely because of the fact that I was Find the full text on
creative, the most emotionally gripping works in the his- skipping prerequisites and moving further up without
tory of human civilization. But to transcend, to move taking into account the steps necessary to achieve a level —Miguel Sanchez
Frankiee D Presents: Things That
Piss Me Off About Stony Brook
1. Phallic Symbols: If there is one thing I hate more C. The SAC: Ok, seriously, now I know someone is 3. Culturally Diverse Bitching: Now, don’t get me
than anything in the world, it is the idea that another penis, out to fuck with me. Have you seen the size of this build- wrong, people, I love cultural diversity. My friend
besides my own, exists. The last thing any male wants to ing? Not even Paul Bunyan’s ball sack was as big as this base will prove that, and, most importantly, I’ve prac-
think about is another male’s genitalia. When I go to the place. I can’t even begin to explain the sheer stupidity of tically fucked a girl in every nationality known to
bathroom I don’t even use the urinals. I go straight to the whoever named this building, but here’s an idea: Go man, except French and Canadian, but let’s be honest,
bowl, especially if the handicap stall is open; I mean, all down to the Science Department (we have one of the best everyone hates them, so give me a break. If I have to
that extra room, nothing compares. Anyway, I really don’t in the country), ask for a book on human biology, exam- hear about racial inequality and injustice one more
see the point. The only penis that stands as a true example ine the male body, and look for yourself. THERE IS time while waiting for pizza at Roth Dining center, I
of masculinity is my own. The last girl I fucked told me NOT ONE THING LIVING ON THIS SIDE OF EXIS- am seriously going to fucking lose my sanity. Stop
my penis was “amazing.” Seriously, those were her exact TENCE THAT HAS A SACK THE SIZE OF THAT being little bitches and get the fuck over it. Since the
words. I’m sure she’d be happy to confirm it, just ask a BUILDING. Whoever named the buildings on this cam- civil rights movement, crimes against race have trans-
girl named Maria sitting next to you in class. If need be, pus needs to come back to a little thing I like to call formed themselves into crimes against humanity. This
I’d be more than happy to provide evidence, but only if “REALITY.” doesn’t mean it still doesn’t exist, but I would like to
you’re hot. There are too many objects on campus that think humanity is a lot smarter and can identify the
undermine the integrity of my genital region. For exam- 2. Electronic Lock Systems: I work in a restaurant an difference between the past and a dumbass bigot. Yes,
ple: hour away, so I don’t bother bringing my wallet. Life is discrimination still exists. I mean I’m practically dis-
pretty shitty when it’s 2:45 in the morning and I can’t get criminated every day when I walk outside of my dorm
A. The Wang Center: Have you ever been in that place. in my building because I don’t have my Stony Brook ID. in nothing but my underwear to drink a beer and have
It’s fucking beautiful. Everything is spotless and the archi- I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m going to a cigarette; I mean people discriminate against me.
tecture is cultured and precise. This place clearly diverges school. I have neither the time nor the mental capacity to They call me a “pervert” and tell me to “stop staring at
from the very connotation of a “Wang” (penis, you idiots). worry about insignificant items like Stony Brook ID their girlfriend’s ass.” Yeah, it’s fucked up, but hey,
First off, a “wang” is anything but clean; it is supposed to cards. I’m assuming that all who are reading this are SHIT HAPPENS. Come on, idiots; please stop your
be messy and untended, because real men don’t take care Stony Brook students (and if you aren’t, you’re fucking insolent nagging over the past. Crimes against races
of themselves. Women are supposed to do that. Shit, I weird), so you know what I’m talking about. These little have existed since the dawn of man. Take a minute to
don’t remember the last time I shaved my wang, and you fuckers are small; how the fuck am I supposed to keep chew on this: in the course of two years after Japan
know why? Because shaving is feminine and I am track of a sheet of plastic smaller than a dollar bill? I invaded China, 2,000,000 people were killed. I have
the complete opposite of feminine. Whoever mean when I get drunk I lose dollar bills all the time, and yet to see my Chinese roommate kill his Japanese
named that place totally had no idea what a true money is one of the most important things in my life. friend, even though there is still a large presence of a
wang is supposed to look like. It was proba- Honestly why does the administration feel it’s neces- racial superiority complex in his home region. My
bly some pretentious bitch who beats her sary best friend is a conservadox Jew and the entire
sorry-ass excuse of a man. What a loser. German nation literally attempted to wipe his race
from the scope of humanity. I mean, they don’t really
B. The Ambiguous piece of archi- t o even bitch about it, the most they do is laugh at Neo-
tecture that sits atop of the “WANG” enslave Nazi groups, and I mean let’s face it, those guys look
(or, should I say, completely Un- us with yet stupid and are probably closet homosexuals, fucking
Wang) center: Ok, seriously peo- another responsibili- morons. Let’s get something straight: this is college—
ple, I think I’m with everyone ty such as keeping track of a hub for liberal ideas aimed at creating better roads to
when I ask, “WHAT THE FUCK these things? Come on, ass- our salvation. So, please, by all means, TAKE THE
IS THAT?” I mean, honestly, I holes, I don’t even know SAND OUT OF YOUR VAGINA and quit treating the
shit more interesting objects where I am half the time. If I person next to you with a different skin color like
than that thing. I’ve asked really wanted to be a dick, Hitler, you racist. And this equally goes for you dum-
around, and apparently it I’d give some dirty homeless basses out there who are always harping on Asian
serves no useful purpose. pervert my ID card and tell roomies. Asians are people too, or so I’ve been told.
It’s just some lame exhibit him where my bitch of an
from some artless hack. RA lives. How useful is 4. Campus Police: I mean, I can’t say that I’ve ever
Whose fucking idea your flawless electronic really dealt with any of them. But, of course, I hate
was it to stick that security system now, that pretentious blond ghoul that guards the entrance
complete faux penis idiots? I have an at night. Come on, who doesn’t hate her. I haven’t
impostor on the idea, let’s take been in trouble here on this campus so I can’t really
Wang center any- all that money tell you exactly what pisses me off about
way? I bet who- we’re wasting them…except the fact they ruined the fun this college
ever it was, did on fucking traf- used to emanate back in the ‘70s. Real history buffs,
it in an fic circles and you know what I’m talking about. That one event
attempt to try Joe Donato invest in retinal makes them bastards in my book. Thanks a
and remind me scanning. There is no way you lot…dorks.
that there is can fake a retinal scan. It worked in all of the
always something bigger than myself, and what better way Schwarzenegger movies: Total Recall, True Lies, and that 5. Water Fountains That Don’t Have Cold Water:
to rub it in other than making it the Wang Penis look-alike. shitty one about him being a clone. Let us do some hypo- Like, honestly, how fucking much do we pay to go
It is a complete farce of the male genital region. Why thetical thinking here. What’s a more likely scenario: a here? All’s I want is a sip of cold water from that rust-
couldn’t it have been put on Hand College, where I live? homeless person stealing my ID card or a homeless per- ed piece of shit hanging on the wall.
You know penis and hand go…well…hand in hand. Then son cutting out my eyeball? I’ll be fair and admit that both
again, maybe it was some vain attempt to push frivolous are likely possibilities, so while we’re at it, let’s just give I’d continue, but I’m getting high blood pressure.
mottos on the SBU students, like “reach for the skies.” the RSP personnel their very own handguns. Problem
Here’s an idea, GO FUCK YOURSELF. solved. God, I’m so smart. —Frankiee D.
Art Gallery Review CD Review

Ups & Downs / You We’re

Hotter on the Internet hanging out photos, close-ups of hands
and stomachs and nostrils. In between the
flurry of pictures, there’s a column of pink
post-its, displaying the poems that
Mariana has written. Some are sad, some
are funny, and most are witty. These are
poems she’s written on a whim over a
period of time and published online—“my
online life in post-its,” says the artist.
Many of the photos on the other side of
the poem divider were taken outdoors, in
contrast to the first group of mostly indoor
scenes. There’s a lot of blue and pink
prettiness. I liked it a whole lot.
So, I can’t stress enough how great I By Madeline Scheckter
think the Tabler gallery is. Receptions are ___________
Jowy Romano a good thing, and I always see the same
Opening reception people there. I give perks to the person Dude, it’s Lamb of God. Of course
By Stephanie Hayes Flip, a lithograph of our charismatic Press that decided to play Cap ‘N Jazz in the i t ’s good.
___________ leader of two years ago. There are plenty background—cool as hell. Anyway, the The first thing I thought when I saw
of other pieces inspired or done for the exhibits don’t stick around too long, so I the name of the single was “didn’t
For those of you who are still unaware, paper. I couldn’t help but smile because u rge you to head on over there in your Pantera already do that gimmick?”
there’s a pretty badass place on campus I they’re clever and recall good times. spare time. This one ends on October 7th. Sure they did, but thanks for the
like to call the Tabler Arts Center. There, Tucked in the middle is a photograph and r e m i n d e r. I needed it; we all needed
among other things, you’ll find practice collage of letters relating to a certain it. “Redneck” is a well-executed and
rooms, a café, and a gallery. I highly rec- young lady. While this could have been a brutal single. The single also has two
ommend that last one, which features painfully personal eyesore, it’s executed live tracks, “Omerta” and “Black
small, refreshing work from the undergrad well and comes across as earnest and bit- Label.” These songs, like the title
art community. Right now, you should tersweet. My personal favorites are the track, are brutal and well-executed. It
check out the split exhibit by Jowy oil paintings of landscapes—really gor- is confusing, however, that they would
Romano and Mariana Martins. geous. The lush colors and quiet scenes include songs which are not on the
Jowy’s half is a collection tellingly are a nice way to wind down Jowy’s work, album that the single is meant to pro-
labeled Ups & Downs which catalogues but don’t skip over his neat self-portrait… mote (Sacrament), but rather from
his highs and lows as a student through On the left, you’ll find Mariana’s You Killadephia. It’s all good though,
art. “Basically, it’s the presentation of dif- Were Hotter on the Internet, a collection because both albums are worth acquir-
ferent pieces that represent my college of photographs and post-it poems. ing. It’s just an odd way to set up a
career,” says Romano. Generally, I think “People read my poems or see my photos single.
it’s a bad idea to review stuff done by a online and form this impression of
close friend because you’re bound to me…being cooler than I am,” explains
praise it no matter what, but in this case Mariana. She conveys this falsely per-
it’s a’ight, ‘cos knowing Jowy means ceived identity through a series of seem-
knowing why these pieces are so signifi- ingly candid photographs. There are “Redneck”
Adina Silverbush
cant. For example, I look and recognize about a gazillion photos: sleeping photos, The artists Lamb of God

CD Review: Ima Robot

Twice, even. Given that I feel this way, the genre-hopping zaniness of IR was a big Watch
news that they were putting out another part of its charm for me. Listening to the
collection of musical misadventures had first few tracks this time, I was almost
me pretty excited. Giddy probably isn’t the bored by the similarity of the songs. The
right word, but it makes for entertaining old kindasorta punky synthpop sound is
reading, so… I was giddy. Sadly, still there, but they’ve shifted in a more
Monument to the Masses wasn’t quite mainstream rockish way. Which makes me
what I was expecting. It doesn’t suck, but a little sad. If you want to get this, you can.
it’s not quite up to the level of Ima Robot. It’s pretty good, and I’ve been told it grows
There are a few good songs, notably on you more after a while. But my recom-
“Creeps Me Out” and “Stick It to the mendation would be to just listen to Ima
Man,” but not too many that make me Robot again a few times. Or… for the first
want to come back for more like an obses- time. Do it.
By Alex Walsh sive former lover.
___________ Whereas the first album was varied and
experimental, Monument feels like a much
Let this be said: Ima Robot’s self-titled
album is awesome. You should listen to it.
safer effort. Of course, there’s something
to be said for a cohesive sound, but the
“Monument to the Masses”
Ima Robot
Channel 20
CD Review: And I Feel Fine CD Review: GCH Sampler
Occupation”), a theme still present in cleverer. It has great beats, an incredibly
many of their most recent recordings. catchy chorus, and is sweetly sardonic about
Perhaps the most interesting fact about alcoholism. The third track, “7 Weeks,” is
this compilation is that the band, includ- about touring. It is more sentimental than
ing departed drummer, Bill Berry, select- other songs about touring; the only reference
ed every track; separating it from the to sexual activity involves cuddling, not
countless “Best Of” CDs, simply pro- groupies. It blends hip-hop with what I can
duced by record labels to profit on their only describe as “emo-in-a-good-way”
extensive back catalogs. While loading vocals. The song is thus a ballad, a love song
one disc with 21 tracks may seem a little dedicated to touring. Stylistically (not themat-
much to the casual listener, I'm hard ically), it reminds me of Cage’s “Shoot
pressed to find one I'd have left off. Frank,” which is always good. The last track,
Careful remastering has breathed new life “Viva La White Girl,” is an excellent pop
into these early ‘80s masterpieces, the song, particularly because I cannot tell if it is
By Jake Wallace one exception being "Gardening at By Madeline Scheckter about actual glamorous white girls or cocaine.
___________ Night," from the Chronic Town EP, which ___________ I love ambiguity. The songs are all very dif-
was so poorly recorded that no amount of ferent from one another, but it is not the schiz-
True to its title, And I Feel Fine: The remastering could bring it up to par with This sampler has four songs from the ophrenic flailing of a band trying to find their
Best of 1982-1987, presents the best of the rest of the collection. The accompany- album As Cruel As Schoolchildren. The first sound. They all go together, and the transi-
R.E.M.'s early recordings for IRS ing liner notes feature an essay by music track is “New Friend Request,” which, in my tions are anything but awkward; Gym Class
Records. The collection contains all but critic Anthony DeCurtis, chronicling mind, translated to “another myspace song.” I Heroes is diverse and interesting. After listen-
two of their IRS singles (only "Wendell R.E.M.’s rise from being one of the most was dubious, or perhaps scared, but I have ing to this sampler over a dozen times, I just
Gee" and "Superman" are absent, and nei- popular college radio acts of the early heard amazing things about Gym Class have one question: why couldn’t they have
ther is missed), along with 11 fan and ‘80s, to one of the biggest bands in the Heroes, so I gave it a chance anyway. “New sent the whole album?
band favorites from the era. Album tracks world by the early ‘90s. Friend Request” is the weakest track of the
like the roaring intro "Begin the Begin," When compared to R.E.M.’s 2003 four, but that does not make it bad by a long
the dreary "Feeling Gravity's Pull" and compilation, In Time: The Best of 1988- shot; it is listenable and enjoyable. It is also
their odd tribute to Ohio's Cuyahoga 2003, this collection is the clear winner, the most endearing form of hip-hop: the “I- “Sampler”
River (cleverly titled "Cuyahoga") give with much more thought and effort being can’t-get-a-girl” genre. The second track,
Gym Class Heroes
the listener a true sense of the band's artis- put into both the tracklisting and the liner “The Queen and I,” sounds like a hit, only
tic depth and early talent. Meanwhile, sin- notes. Still, if you’re only familiar with
gles like “Radio Free Europe,” “Southern
Central Rain (I’m Sorry)” and their
R.E.M.’s big radio hits (“Everybody
Hurts,” “Stand,” “What’s the Frequency,
Book Review: cunt
breakthrough hit, “The One I Love” Kenneth?”), In Time may be the best region physically and/or metaphorically
showcase their pop sensibility. There’s place for you to start. If you’re already a between a woman’s legs.
also much to be said for a track like “It’s fan of their hugely successful ‘90s output, Derrick Jensen, author of A Language
the End of the World As We Know it (And or you just prefer good old-fashioned Older Than Words, gives us a compelling
I Feel Fine),” which managed to become indie pop over chart topping hits, then Introduction, which calls for an energetic
a rock radio staple in 1987, despite a this collection is for you. celebration of raw life.
drawn out title and lack of audible lyrics, When we at last sink into Inga’s writing,
but quirks like this were always part of we are greeted with wanton wordplay that
R . E . M . ’s charm. Elsewhere we hear characterizes her preface and the succeed-
ing sections. For one aware of the fascist
Michael Stipe begin to delve into more “And I Feel Fine” gender divisions within our society, Inga’s
politically conscious lyrical content
(“Finest Worksong,” “Welcome to the R.E.M. seeming oblivion to transgender issues is
disheartening. She acknowledges all the
cleavages within women as a group
besides anatomy and the complexities
therein, claiming the cunt as the “anatomi-
cal jewel which unites us all.” Sensitive to
this, I decided to see her use of “cunt” and
By Kathleen Ashwill “woman” as allegorical only and proceed-
___________ ed from there.
Happily enough, Inga reveals that many
A book like Inga Muscio’s Cunt is a rar- currently derogatory words for women
ity, staging an oft-maligned ideology (in originated with goddess-centered religions,
this case, feminism) in a deeply personal (i.e. “puta” originally meant “holy”).
and devilishly playful light. The simple, Inga encourages women to reclaim and
colorful cover and brazen, declarative title celebrate their bodies, heralding menarche
made this a must-read for me, as I willing- parties and lunar calendars as methods of
ly pushed a bit of my scant funds towards revering their reproductive cycles instead
its purchase. of abhorring them.
Cunt begins with sex-positive masturba- Most fresh and novel for me was her
tion maverick Betty Dodson’s hearty frank rejection of the conventional abor-
Foreword, in which she paints herself as tion system and her critical prodding of
Inga’s “spiritual grandmother,” a ringing pro-choice advocates. Experience with
endorsement for Inga. We get a glimpse two traditionally aborted pregnancies led
here of ideas that will be expounded, learn- her to approach her third with a self-reflec-
ing, for example, that the word “vagina” tive eye. She employed imaging tech-
stems from one meaning “sheath for a niques and herbs to induce a miscarriage, a
sword.” From now on in the book, “cunt”
Continued on next page
is that main term describing the delicious
Movie Review: Little Miss Sunshine
wish, but, for this youngster, her main himself from people because he hates all As with the usual road trip, there are
purpose. people. Richard’s dad, Grandpa Edwin events and scenarios that come along in
Attached to every little girl is a fami- (a hilarious Alan Arkin), is a foul- the journey’s path that must be chal-
ly of some sort, and Olive’s family is an mouthed, perverted, cantankerous senior lenged and dealt with. One scene in par-
assortment of rather odd and dysfunc- citizen who was removed from the senior ticular with the grandfather stands out,
tional people. We are introduced to the home due to cocaine use. Finally, we and it is a riot. What is also inevitable
members of the family tree in an excep- have Sherry’s brother Frank (Steve during this road trip is the breakdown of
tional opening scene as they gather to Carell), a depressed individual who is walls and bonding among the characters,
have their dinner at the table, prepared suicidal due to a breakup he can’t seem as the importance of family shines
by their compassionate, benevolent to forget. through more here than when at home.
By Eddie Zadorozny mother Sherry (Toni Collette). T h e All of this dysfunction actually comes It plays along nicely in the film, and the
___________ apples attached to this family tree, for full circle and becomes dynamic on a acting to stress its importance is superb.
the most part, are either sour or not fully purposeful road trip for little beauty The last third of the film really solidi-
Dysfunction is a word we all can ripe, as every person has some sort of queen Olive. She is given an opportuni- fies what an amazing movie this turns
relate to in some shape or form, but dysfunction or insane characteristic that ty to partake in the Little Miss Sunshine out to be when Olive attends the pageant.
never does the word serve a greater pur- makes each unique, and, for the viewer, Pageant due to a contestant dropping I can’t say I didn’t see it coming (the
pose and ideal than when it is equated memorable. This mise en scene at the out! The inevitable road trip is where outcome, that is), but it is simply bril-
with a family member or, even better, a dinner table is positioned beautifully; we the hilarity ensues as they travel from liant, memorable, and hilarious, as well
whole family. Such is the case in Little get to see all of the family members emit their hometown of Albuquerque, New as show-stopping (yes, that pun was
Miss Sunshine, an ingenious, clever their flawed personality traits. T h e Mexico to Redondo Beach, California, intended). It is actually a comical
comedy that is also disguised as a cun- f a t h e r, Richard (Greg Kinnear), a flawed with Olive’s dreams in the backseat and moment camouflaged as a slap in the
ning take on political correctness. motivational speaker, is obsessed with the family’s abnormalities in the car. face, and it showcases how distasteful
The film starts out with the introduc- victory and prestige, but who has never The road trip itself becomes hilarious those children dressed as pageant women
tion of a cute, bespectacled, red-headed achieved any himself. The mother, as they trek across the land in a vintage are (think of JonBenet Ramsey and you
little girl staring at a television, Sherry, values the concept of family and Volkswagon van. The van can only start will get the picture). It’s a very un-polit-
entranced by the outcome of a beauty tries valiantly to do the best with the when placed in neutral, and only after ically correct moment, and I loved it!
pageant. The little girl Olive (an elated family she has been dealt; her sanity is receiving the help of gravity from a The film is a treat: hysterical, moving,
Abigail Adams) lives for this, she lives her glue, but she looks like the odd one decline in the road and a hand-push from and with a bit of purposeful judgment
and breathes her aspirations to one day compared to all of the instability around the back (the 2006 version of the thrown in. I won’t be surprised if the
take part in such a spectacle. Her contin- her. Their son Dwayne has taken a vow Flintstones). These scenes with the van film gets a nomination for best picture;
ued practice for and emulation of this of silence due to a book he is reading on are very comical; let’s just say, if anyone it’s certainly worthy of it. Let the sun
dream of pageant life is not simply a the teachings of Nietzsche. He alienates has a two-door car, you’re missing out! shine!

Book Review: cunt (Continued) Concert Review

Continued from previous page and protection abound as the book moves Philadelphia, 7/31/2006 structure. Their sound, of course, is so
onto more positive ground. Larry King, Olympian! Also on the player was some X-
strong community of women flanking her Jerry Springer, Eminem, and Martha By Vincent Michael Festa Ray Spex, more music that reminded me of
throughout. In this way, she claimed her Stewart are overhauled in favor of the ___________ that day.
right as a self-possessed woman, instead of more enlightened Noam Chomsky, Jocelyn We finally arrived in Philadelphia around
relying on the piddling crumbs the patriar- Elders, Seeds of Wisdom, and the Dalai My friend and resident WUSB DJ D- 6:30 PM. We saw the homeless in makeshift
chal society throws at us in the name of Lama. After journeying through sensitive Klein offered tickets for people to go with tents, African-American musclemen in
“equality.” Women are goaded here to and sometimes painful cunt-related sub- him to see Sleater-Kinney. We had no idea groups sitting on the sidewalk and on lawn
examine and heal themselves in order to jects, Inga imparts a message of fearless- who else would be playing up until then. He chairs, and a lot of run-down areas. The sun
establish full ownership of their bodies. ness and, in her Afterword, one of absolute showed up in his car to pick me up in this angled out, making shade and sunstripes
Another perceptive gem is Muscio’s his- inclusion of transgendered, intersex, and partly cloudy, repressive, 95-degree weather. against dark and obstruct Philadelphia out-
torical conception of “whores” as sources male individuals. We are empowered by Riding shotgun with us was Elizabeth, a skirts. It was nothing like I’d ever seen; being
of beauty and spiritual wealth and their her assertion that personal transformation huge Sleater-Kinney fan and friend of D- so used to the green grass-white cloud-blue
clients as humble seekers. Boldly she uses and political resistance are inextricably Klein. We left, filled up at Exxon with sky suburbs of Long Island. Then, funnily
the Jesus/Mary Magdelene dichotomy as linked. Speedpass, and off we went. enough, we cut through Chinatown. I didn’t
an example. Finally, we receive a much-needed kick We were driving through Coney Island know Philadelphia even had a Chinatown,
With this book, we are forced to see the in the ass in the form of the “Cuntlovin’ when it was decided, out of nowhere, that D- but the three of us riding around assumed this
significant role sexual health or the lack Guide to the Universe,” which lists and Klein and Elizabeth were to stop at Coney was where to go for some sushi.
thereof plays in personal, interpersonal, describes a plethora of news sources, Island's Astroland to ride the Cyclone. It was Eventually, we drove past the venue of
and societal well-being. Women are por- bookstores, music outlets, zines, sex shops, like putting the trip on pause like a video the pending Sleater-Kinney show and saw
trayed as currently dangerously self-reflex- healing centers, and responsible retail cen- game to take a time out. But they enjoyed young Philadelphia scenesters having noth-
ive in terms of their sexuality, letting oth- ters, along with a comprehensive and themselves, and why not? I wasn't going to ing to do except stand in line waiting for the
ers’ perceptions propel them into drastic exciting log of revolutionary org a n i z a- keep them. Then, after their fun-time, we show to start. We saw other scenesters walk-
acts such as plastic surgery (close kin to tions. rode across the Verrazano Bridge, through ing the Philly streets towards the venue as
forced genital mutilation in Inga’s eyes) Cunt gives us a gift, an inside look at a Staten Island, and cut through New Jersey. I well. It wasn't long before we went around
and keep them unresponsive to the con- self-actualized individual who lives her remember seeing all the industrial areas, the corner and parked the car in front of the
stant influx of destructive patriarchy in the ideology but is not stagnant in it. Though petrol-storage facilities, the many rest stops, bistros and their tables-and-chairs setup on
media, represented, for instance, by the we may be adverse to some ideals posited, restaurants, and Sunocos that lined the New the Philly sidewalks. By then, we still had no
prevalence of overly erotic rape scenes in we can admire the sheer verbal prowess Jersey Turnpike. Last time I checked, they idea who else was playing other than Sleater-
mainstream movies. Inga’s expression of and courage that expresses them. Unique averaged no more than $3.05 a gallon. The Kinney.
anger, a rightful temporary response to and cutting-edge, Cunt has the ability to weather was partly cloudy driving through We chose to eat at Swanky Bubbles, a
these issues, is periodically overblown and transform us into a society that honors and the highways on the way to Philadelphia. champagne and sushi bar. For a small eatery
violent towards men, who, in my eyes, are revels in the warm, wet, splendorous life- The music played was nothing but—you it was pretty city-eccentric, having a well-lit
also victims of oppression. Overlooking and pleasure-givers that cunts are and hold guessed it—Sleater-Kinney, a taster for what ambience with some matching light techno
this unresolved anger can lead the reader to ourselves to a standard that welcomes and to expect that night. Listening to Sleater- and bit-music to go with the dining experi-
fruitful insights, though. incorporates femininity and all it entails. Kinney, they happened to be very dynamic in
Continued on page 26
“Womanifestos” and calls for self-love Peace. terms of vocals, guitar riffs, chords, and
Concert Review (continued)
Continued from page 25 had to give it to some fans in wheelchairs aim to play them on the air. Why not? I fig- trying to follow and absorb everything that
who came for the show. ure people can be art-smart cool from getting Sleater-Kinney performed. Janet threw
ence. D-Klein, Elizabeth, and I sat down and The venue, as expected, was huge, with into them and by listening to a token New drumsticks and Carrie shook out water bot-
talked about the difference between the lots of floor room. When the three of us got York band. Bonus. tles to cool the crowd down. Fans were
Philadelphia and Long Island punk scenes, there, the front half of standing room was Sleater-Kinney went on and played for a screaming for them to keep going, to not go.
some college-student economics, party taken up very tightly, but we managed to good 90 minutes. I believe D-Klein's life cul- They really loved the band that truly repre-
appearances, and other fine places to eat make our way about fifteen feet from the minated in this one show: he's a huge fan sented the indie-rock crowd, riot grrrls, and
over our sushi dinner. Between the three of speakers. A very few who were lucky took a who never has failed to play them on a con- females in general. One guy ran on stage and
us, we had wasabi mashed potatoes, a lychee spot standing right under a cool mist. We sistent basis (and he's known to do that for wanted the crowd to prepare to hold him up,
drink, six spears of buttered asparagus patted ended up having a good view to see the Sonic Youth, too!). Without him, we would- as he was about to stage-dive. He jumped off
with parmesan cheese, and sushi rolls such as Rogers Sisters perform. Miyuki Furtado n't have made this attempt to see them per- and instead landed on his feet. Sorry, Charlie.
California, Tuna, Philly, Spider Leg, Time That’s not how it goes here at a Sleater-
Bomb, and Double Dragon (wasn’t that Kinney show.
some sort of video game twenty years ago?). After a while, they walked off stage, but
For dessert, we had a crispy Thailand banana fans just didn’t want to accept it, so they
split. $110.00 was the bill. Sold! cheered and clapped heavily for five minutes
We went back to the venue, and the valet more. Yes! They came back and played a few
parking guy allowed us to park right in front more slow songs and some newer hits off of
of the entrance. Sweetness. The venue was The Woods. And that's all they wrote in
Club Polaris, formerly the Starlight Philadelphia. There was an extended ovation
Ballroom. We got out and found out that a lot as, one by one, Sleater-Kinney walked off-
of the people we saw walking to the show stage and acknowledged their fans with
had extra tickets to give away or sell. In the handshakes and smiles.
meantime, we hung out with the organizer of It was in the spring of 2001 when I first
the shows at the club. D-Klein was hanging saw Sleater-Kinney on MuchMusic. The
out talking about the past shows of yester- video was for "You're No Rock N' Roll Fun".
years, some from decades ago. The promot- It was a very classy and mature-sounding
er informed us that Clear Channel, the corpo- cut, very finely tuned with that grrrl attitude.
ratemediaconglomeratempire, was trying to I managed to pick up an EP a while ago at the
buy out the Philly scene and venue. It’s Port Jefferson Music Den (R.I.P) and had
depressing to think that Clear Channel would gotten a copy of The Woods for .99c at
buy out the punk, indie-rock, and hardcore Permanent Records in Northport. From then
kids and evict those kids out of the scene so on, every chance I had I played Sleater-
that Clear Channel can place their clean, pol- Kinney for my listeners during my radio slot.
ished, and packaged industry acts in, with no Sleater-Kinney
D-Klein throughout the night ended up
other outlets for these kids who call the talking to a few show-goers: the promoter,
streets their own. We think that pretty soon (bass/vocals) dedicated a song to Spiro form one last time. one guy with a Sun Ra and His Space
the scene will implode with nowhere to go Agnew, but took it back and later gave that One last time? Yes, Sleater-Kinney had Arkestra shirt, and a girl with a Subhumans
but to be swallowed up into nothing and pon- honor to Condoleezza Rice. Jennifer Rogers finally called it quits after 11 years and mak- shirt. Where are those people when you need
der what was. Where else would we go but (vocals/guitar) applied her lip-gloss as a way ing Kill Rock Stars a lot of money. This was them in public? Amidst all the 2-Pac,
further down? of preparing for the end of their set. Miyuki their last tour, and The Woods was their final Metallica, and Nirvana shirts, there has to be
It was while we stood, hanging out in the was whipping himself around a little, per- record. Sleater-Kinney had to go out with at least one person walking around with a
street for so long, that we heard music from forming some sonic guitar tricks and creating big-time style. Ladytron, Bikini Kill, or Tegan And Sara tee.
inside the venue. Finally, to our surprise, we some sort of feedback for all of us. You could They came on, and it was heavy. These At least those fans or groupies of said more-
found out from the organizer who else was see the sweat and mist come off of his head. ladies, just like the Rogers Sisters, know how underground acts could send a message or
sharing the bill with Sleater-Kinney: the Laura Rogers (drums/vocals) whipped her- to rock. Listen to the way they sound, as they identification to someone out there who's
Rogers Sisters. self into a frenzy, too. The set lasted for only are unique like no other. Mid-set, Carrie willing to try good music and tune up the
D-Klein and I were floored, and it was 45 minutes, but it was an amazing set. As the Brownstein and Corin Tucker (both gui- diversity a little bit.
then we knew that a great show was going to three of us didn't even know that the Rogers tarists) faced-off with each other, using gui- I don’t know about D-Klein or Elizabeth,
become even greater. We went in, and this Sisters were playing, it was no loss and all tar tricks and layers, and it was amazing. but my head was about to explode, throb-
truly was the scene that the magazines and gain that we saw them perform. We win. They can do techniques any male rawker can bing, with my entire body dripping sweat
hipster music websites always have talked After the set, we decided to hit the mer- do. Janet Weiss on drums delivered a beat- and my shirt damp from the humidity. We
about. Guys dressing hardcore, some moppy, chandise tables. I scored Sleater-Kinney’s down just as well as, if not better than, any finally left Club Polaris and said “good-bye”
some Napoleon Dynamite-cartoonish, some first CD (self-titled) for $15.00. I wanted to male drummer. So why aren’t they bigger to Philadelphia and drove home. I believe we
slim t-shirts. The girls were pretty cute as get some Rogers Sisters stuff, but no one was than they are? got home at 2:30 AM. I ended up driving
well, with their art-school haircuts, short at the tables just yet. We sat around, taking in In big music business, they're under the right after getting off the Benjamin Franklin
skirts, funny tees, piercings, and Olympia- all this humidity and heat for a bit, observing shuffle and lose out to such talentless icons bridge all the way back to the island. A very
and Williamsburg-type super-feminist style. the scene for a while more. Then we turned as Jessica Simpson, her sister Ashlee, and exhausting drive, compounded by listening
Imagine the Makeoutclub, Vice magazine, or around, and look who it was: Miyuki and other blunder acts. Millions of people are to more Sleater-Kinney, the Rogers Sisters,
Pitchfork Media having a meeting centre. Laura manned their own merchandise tables. mistaken in thinking that Courtney Love has and some off-hits and country in the player,
The place was dark and crowded. All A DIY ethic! For $7.00, I grabbed three 7" any value, and so she is regarded as a true but it was experience in case I wanted to
around us were many bars for beer. There singles of theirs. They came off as very nice woman of rock when all she has ever done is make the drive to Atlantic City anytime soon.
were many booths where the kids were sit- and gracious people. They need all the embarrass herself and become all about the I said my "goodbyes" to D-Klein and
ting around, mostly in groups drinking beer money they can get to keep their sound alive, money. So such industry decisions are unfor- Elizabeth, and off to bed I went, with a still-
and water (remember, this was during a heat and I’m all for it. Elizabeth scored a Rogers givable. No one finds out about acts like pounding headache and wonderful memo-
wave; the Eastern Seaboard was hit with 90- Sisters CD and, at the other tables, a pair of Sleater-Kinney and the Rogers Sisters unless ries.
degree-plus weather and lots of humidity). Sleater-Kinney tees for herself and a friend. the scene digs deeper or people find it them-
Some were quiet, arms crossed and minding What hooked me on the Rogers Sisters selves. The sexist media also hardly ever A very special thanks to D-Klein for giv -
their own business. Others were very was that I discovered them on WUSB around acknowledge female rockers—in most cases, ing me this special opportunity. His show, D-
delighted to see each other and were greeted summer 2003. I have the hypnotic "I'm a never at all—unless they’re either Lacuna Klein's Schizophrenia, airs 2:30 PM-5 PM
with hugs and kisses. We witnessed a couple Ballerina" on tape from the time I recorded it Coil or Evanescence. e v e ry FRI on 90.1 FM, WUSB or on
of lesbians kissing each other hello. And you from a broadcast. And every chance I get I I was taken over. For 90 minutes, I was
Concert Review Deux
A Day At The Beach Coloured Black and you’ll find yourself paying $5.00 for a Finally, Nine Inch Nails came on. also having a frank conversation with his
pretzel and possibly $8.00 for a small Fantastic. I was afraid that any moment friend right behind me while Reznor was
By Vincent Michael Festa pizza. When I finished spending $35.00 on Trent Reznor would cancel the show like performing “Hurt”, and never did I want to
___________ a NIN tour shirt and was waiting on Jen to Nine Inch Nails would always do when turn around to make someone hurt so
buy some concert merchandise, I saw three they get to New York. But they didn’t dis- badly.
Me and Jenny went to Jones Beach to Asian Goth girls in boots, lace, and leather. appoint at all. NIN played all their hits and Being this was Jones Beach, all the
see Peaches, Bauhaus, and ultimately, Nine Inch Hard-on. I also happened to see material from all of his albums, even some seats were pinned down and couldn’t be
Nine Inch Nails on June 17th. It was my this mother in her 40’s. She must’ve been b-sides and off-album cuts. Everything removed, which means no mosh pit. What
bidding. I waited 12 years to see Nine Inch a huge fan of tanning bed salons seeing except their latest single “Everyday Is would be the full potential of a Nine Inch
Nails and finally I had a good, clear that her face was freckled in pink, orange, Exactly The Same”, which I will forever Nails show without angry, determined
chance. and brown. She was also wearing this remember the show by because this was youth kicking each other in the teeth and
So, we arrived and walked around for a trashy, ratty, punk/gothic/hair-metal get-up the song I was into at the time that I was scarring themselves to no end, moshing
bit observing black boots, fishnets, some which was not pretty at all. By the time we looking forward to the concert. and flailing away in aggression and
chains, leather, and as always fans with got back to our seats, Jenny was wearing Aaron North was also part of the current seething heat?
different NIN t-shirts. We had seats at the my $35.00 t-shirt because she was cold; NIN line-up, which I was very happy to Regardless, seeing Nine Inch Nails was
4th tier, and above us we noticed one fan whatever it takes to take care of her see because I’m also a big fan of the big- an excellent experience. In the end, the
sitting all the way up in the very corner of because we’re still the closest friends. shot rock music site Buddyhead screen descended to show the complete
the 5th tier. Appropriate for when you want Bauhaus went up for their turn on stage ( He “partied the NIN logo, signaling them claiming the
to be depressed, alone, and mad at the and they were truly great. It was an honour baby off” and rocked the most as always. night. I was very relieved to finally have
world when you’re at a goth/industrial for Nine Inch Nails to bring them along for A great sight to see was the visual set-up done something amongst the many things
show. We sat and talked about how cold the tour. I need to say that everyone should consisting of light panels, projected that I needed to do in life, as NIN has been
and windy our seats were next to the water, at least once in their lives see a live images, and other visuals in the back. A a guide throughout my life and it has been
debating on our proper dress code for com- Bauhaus performance. Peter Murphy was folding screen ascended and descended something I could relate to, and really
fort, and about life in general. excellent and so was the sound: very onto the set consisting of dot matrix lights match and feel, throughout the years.
Peaches performed first, coming out in heavy, upbeat, lo-fi, percussive, and ampli- which interacted with Reznor and were Me and Jen had a great time, though it
black leather and ended up taking it off to fied greatness. They sounded amazing live, climbed on by him as well. Some songs was almost marred by the parking situa-
reveal hot pink and then donning a black and this was the first time I heard anything had a lesser effect live than on recordings tion. It was almost impossible to back up
XXX jacket. She almost lost her balance Bauhaus besides “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”, because on recordings you can pull things and get out. One girl shouted sarcastically
trying to step up to the rails in the seating which they did play in the end. The amount off that you couldn’t live, but I was still “Good luck backing up out of there!” and
areas, but luckily she didn’t fall. She got of smoke was appropriate for the perform- very satisfied with the set list overall. He I regret not putting my foot on the gas
busy with a full set including “Two Guys ance as well because you have to equate laced “Closer” with “The Only Time” pedal hard enough just in time to prove her
For Every Girl” and of course “Fuck The Goths and vampires with smoke signals. which was good considering artists don’t wrong. Regrettably, I missed out on seeing
Pain Away”. Very hard, beat-iful, catchy, It’s appropriate. Later on during the really play unpopular songs live nowa- Ministry that past Wednesday as no one
art-chic sounding stuff from the teaches of Bauhaus set, my only compaint was that days. got back to me on seeing them. I didn’t get
Peaches. somene’s mother, possibly the same one I While Reznor was being personal with around to see Front Line Assembly this
Me and Jen proceeded to get a hot dog, mentioned before, was down in the 2nd the fans, one jackass had to “WOO!” dur- Saturday, as not only did my industrialist
pretzel, and some bottled water. Never buy tier dancing a striptease during the entire ing Reznor’s speech of his own downward friend choose not to go, but they canceled
food at a venue. It’s usually over-priced set. Totally embarrassing. spiral a few years ago. Said jackass was anyway.

Hello Mac users and friends! Welcome MacBook Pro is not cheap. The most basic but still contains everything you need, save for the outer case now made of aluminum, just like
back to the triumphant return of iRate, model begins at $1799 with the student dis- keyboard, mouse and monitor. The Mac Mini the Mini used to be. The 2 gig model is current-
StonyBrook’s best Mac based column. It’s count. is also ULTRA affordable. Costing students a ly $149. One of the most drastic departures
been a summer of amazing developments and A nice feature of the MacBook/Pro lines is mere $579, it is comparably priced to meet however, is the iPod shuffle. The mp3 player,
new products from the folks in Cupertino, that all of them come with iSight cameras built HP’s micro PC, which has similar hardware. once hailed as being the size of a pack of gum,
California, with more amazing items on their in, as well as the patented MagSafe power If you are looking for some high-end com- is being re-released in October. This time, it’s
way, so let’s get started. adapter, which is far safer than the standard puting power, open your wallet and say hello to going to be smaller, lighter, and tougher than
With all of the massive changes in the line- laptop power connectors. There has always the MacPro. This machine is the Mac Tower ever. The shuffle can be ordered now from the
up, I’ll start by briefly going over the line of been a fear that with standard power adaptors, that delivers uncompromised power and per- Apple website, at a cost of $79 for the 1gig
available products. In the market for a laptop? someone tripping over the cable could easily formance. The MacPro starts at slightly over model.
Apple has two lines of notebooks that cover the pull a laptop to the ground. When the MagSafe $1950 for the most basic mode, but is config- All of the items mentioned above are now
gamut from affordable and cool, to ultra pow- adapter is pulled, the magnets in the adapter urable to include two terabytes of hard drive available at the any Apple Store, or online at
erful and cutting edge. The more affordable of release, and the connector simply pops off, space, sixteen gigs of ram, and TWO Dual core, except for the iPod shuffle,
the Mac laptops is the new MacBook, which saving your Mac from a painful fall to the processors, each cranking at up to 3GHz each! which launches in October. Stony Brook stu-
replaces the previous iBook G4. The ground. That’s some clever thinking! Some of you might be thinking, “What do I dents are entitled to discounts on all Apple
MacBook starts at $1049, with the student dis- And if laptops aren’t your particular cup of care about Apple Computers? I want iPods!” products, and the prices above reflect that. If
count. As a departure from the traditional Mac tea, Apple has three alternatives just for you. Okey-dokey, here’s the scoop on the NEW you would like to see these products in action,
lineup, the MacBook is offered in black for a They are the iMac, Mac Mini, and MacPro. iPODS: Just last week, Apple released a new I am proud to say that there is now an official
premium. The whole line uses the Intel Core The iMac is Apple’s “All in one” desktop con- line of iPods. The traditional iPod, while not Apple store located in the Smith Haven mall,
Duo to power them, making them all capable figuration. It is a free-standing LCD monitor, changed significantly, now has a brighter which is a short trip from campus. Stay tuned
of running Windows/Linux, with Apple’s with everything you expect inside a tower screen, better battery life, and a lower price tag. in the next issue as we review the new iTunes,
BootCamp software. In the higher range for neatly stowed behind it. Starting at $899 for The iPod Nano has also gone through signifi- and a review of the Apple store located in the
notebooks is the premium MacBook Pro. The students, the iMac comes in a number of con- cant changes. Reminiscent of the iPod Minis, Mall.
MacBook Pro, which comes in two different figurations and sizes, up to a massive 24” dis- the Nano now comes in five colors, and three
sizes, is also available in silver, similar to the play. Turning to a smaller option, the Mac Mini different sizes, 2Gb, 4Gb, and 8Gb. This Nano Questions? Contributions? Hate-Mail? Send
PowerBook G4. Like its predecessor, the is one of the smallest computers in the world, is also tougher than the previous generation: them in to:
the state of being free,without barriers,with- your on my mind most of the time
out limitations (manmade at least),with the desire your company,your so hard to find
LORD given right of sovereignity,self representa- i look and look you got like a hook
tion,power to the people,mobilization-organiza- life without you the thought alone makes me shook
tion-destination,everything is manifest in signs how many ways i miss you i could write a book
and symbols,learn the true vibration of your the little i understand about you,look how long it's took
speech-Etymology-eyes on the prize,free your emptyness was my only outlook
mind the body follows-free the body the mind but you got me checkmated Queen,Bishop and the Rook
has room,you are what you eat- mentally i used to push you away with ease,now i'm more tempted to sta y
(air),emotionally (water),physically (earth),spiri- just appreciate your closeness not like a law to obey
tually (fire)-four winds-cycle of life,Oh Great how i could be myself,no guard or overcharm
Spirit how do i fit into your web of life? best to keep you in my heart not just on my arm
NOW if i come to you tense,you make me calm
enslaving mindstate,state institutionalized lika a hot oil massage in the tropics you keep me warm
institutions teaching children,state pushed helli- your embrace is of the best emotional taste
days like “thanksgiving”,set up to fail psycolo- good to the last drop with nothing to waste
gy,fallacy of accident,fallacy of you fit me like an eighth layer of skin
composition,others speaking for me without but some of your doorways i'm scared to go in
accurate knowledge or concern,powerless peo- confident...but don't think i'm well equipped
ple.herded for the proverbial slaughter,if the war in my heart is really making me sick
proverbs don’t manipulate the masses,through i'm experienced in alot of areas and aquired alot of knowledge
social apartheid,castes and social to prepare for your interaction there is no college
classes,immobile outside of cellular,organs and patience is of essence,so i count my blessings
organisms for donation,destine to i learned to talk your language and take more lessons
damnation,everything is still manifest in signs is there guarantee? the one question
and symbols,LA-MERIKANS wake up ! clear the if what we have will be and never rejection
mind dust,savor the flavor,welcome to NOVUS i unders tand that to have you in my heart is a gift from above
ORDO SECLORUM. but i have to SHARE and not try to control LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By AL MISKIN Freedom living & loving By: AL MISKIN

REASON,from spanish,to have a right

rights are innate....cause and effect The Art If An Open-Mind
some disregard these with absolute disrespect
when those disrespecting have absolute power
without any "real" checks and balances By Yve Koon
power absolute,corrupts absolute.....soon the final hour
running ruptured,broken,rights disrespected less observed than a subway token
now metro cards,not hard to tell Take a breath
fire is evident with smoke and a burning smell
hot to the touch-stagnated-orally overated-x rated-constipated Hold it
this system of things, who the hell made it Close your eyes
who benefits, whose the grand stacker of chips
the poor,broke and lonely like prostitutes with AIDS between their hips? and wish the world away
whistle blowers blow up spots
presidents get caught with coke and pot
slapped on the wrist-by a media bliss Listen to the sounds around you
those stretch marks on your lips
can be covered with a color stick
just fade away
but the stretch of the brain-results in pain Let your arms, legs, and every other part of your body
taking pills to maintain
acceptance of this,unnaturalness fall limp
is strange and deranged
no justice for those
just bent up toes in stelletos Exhale
everything is scuttled,the world is a ghetto
logically-this don't have to be
open your eyes
we could be absolutly free and see everything
in any locality
if we could just count each others rights as a REALITY! the way you've never seen them bef
Mother Africa
Limericks by Candy LaChance

Beneath the wholesome Savannahs There once was a man in the Union
Lay two youths and three layers Who fancied an acid reunion
A woman and her pine He ate of his spine
She laid bear breasted under the midday sun And chased it with wine
Shedding tears for my emancipation And styled it holy communion
Have the blood of kintakunte sit on her lap
Her swelled torso opened with lads
Over her bright green linens, many passed
I looked for a seat in the SINC site
How long can a boy remain upright
Her linens smeared bloodshed; Know a doctor exists
The bloodshed of my father If the problem persists
In my veins I see her blood flow Four hours or more something's not right
Thick and pure, diluted and humiliated
I have seen this woman over and young All the kids in my lecture in Javitz?
In her prime, the vulture crept under her eyes
Right away it was clear they were halfwits!
I have seen the vultures walk in her darkness
I didn't adore
With a bible in their right and gun in left The fellow next door
Bringing a new meaning to Darfur But our chairs were connected like Lipshitz
I have seen a thousand of them
Digging fortunes down the Nile Have I got a knot from South P lot
Killing her loins over empty viols My back aches my knee quakes my hip's shot
Her loins cry for help with no one listening I abandoned the bus
For a farcical fuss
Her music; poetic and sad
Sings in my ears with lashing melody
Chose to jog like a jock
Her culture; so rich Spread some skin on a rock
I stand in mid ocean My ankles akimbo
Wanting to know my mother My liver's in limbo
The vultures made me anew It's easy to think
In my mind, I see my twin That you'll just have one drink
Hovering the slave yard in tentacles To purchase a hip flask is oft fraught
I hate him not, but despise his hate
With perils quite peerless you forgot
This day, I turn back
When as a commuter
Apt back to my roots And bloodstream polluter
To my mother of distant oceans You planned to just hike like a big shot
My sweet, sweet mother
I forget not her hands Long lines for the food in the SAC
I forget not her blood Discourage me 'til I turn back
In my mind I see her naked But I dream of the day
Naked as always
I’ll get in all the way
© Ishmael Amu
I'm gonna dip my balls in the salad bar
So, like, um…how do you make macaroni and cheese? Yeah, so me and the Pressers are going to make this “turducken”. It’s where you
s t u ff a bird inside a bird inside a bird. It’s gonna’ be quite the delicious. Got any
-Stella Fabulous, West Apartments pointers on how to make it kick-ass?

First, turn up the heat all the way, then boil the water inside the pot for two minutes, -Alex Walsh, Stony Brook Press associate editor
yes? Add the shells, let it sit there for three minutes. Drain the shells into a strainer. Dump
it into a bowl…hey you, look at me when I’m talking to you. Add a quarter cup of milk, What the <beep> is a turd <beep>-ing? And what is it with people stuffing things
some butter, add that orange powder to it. Mix it, and eat it. Now go, you <beep>-ing up animals asses for? STUFF THIS!
We’re PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. We advise you to stop
What do you think about the great, wonderful food at Deng Lee’s? glorifying the killing of innocent animals for your network, your TV show, and for
your reputation immediately or we will pursue legal action. Meat is murder!
-Tai Mai Shue, Deng Lee’s representative
I’d rather eat a pile of dog <beep>.
Oh, great. Just <beep>-ing great. You, you know what? See this cow? Yeah,
I’m sorry to bother you but I have a huge situation on my hands. I weigh close to 600 looks like you. Tonight when I get home, I’m going to <beep>-ing bloody murder
pounds and I need to lose weight. My doctor says that if I don’t slim down, I could have the cow and then cook it alongside a roast duck and a beef Wellington. And then me
severe blockages in my arteries, maybe heart disease, kidney failure, the works. Right and Andrew Pernick will sit down, enjoy every bloody moment of it and then he
now I’m having trouble breathing, walking. I can’t go to the bathroom and wipe my will shout out “THANK YOU!” All you PETA people are invited. You got it?
own— GOOD!

-Mario Chicaroni Rooni, Brooklyn Chef Ramsay, I cooked the risotto for 10 minutes and, well, I accidentally burnt
it and set myself on fire—
You. Come here. Yeah, you. Here. You know you’re fat, right? Yeah. Good. First of
all, stop eating a full <beep>-ing cow every day. Second, instead of parking your fat ass -Kathie Lee Americana, Nantucket
everyday at a McDonalds or Burger <beep>, park your ass at a <beep>-ing Bally’s and
run your ass on a treadmill for 50 hours a day. And while you’re at it, go chow down on NO NO NO! (throws arms in the air and starts to wimper) I told you to cook the
a ris-o-to. Got that? Good! Now get back into your station! ris-o-to for four minutes! Four bloody minutes! Oh, god…oh geez! You know it’s
not hard to follow bloody directions, isn’t it? You know what? Shut it down.
There’s a girl I ride the bus with. Sometimes there’s no other seats on the bus for her Shut…it…down. I’ve had enough. I…have…had…ENOUGH! (starts yelling) I
to sit down. I like her. What should I do? have some moron commuter student who can’t make a plate of pasta! I had to moti-
vate a bloody WHALE to get up off his fat ass to lose weight! I have someone who
-Tommy Wafflenutter, age 7 wants to shove CHICKENS UP OTHER CHICKENS ASSES! And now I have
PETA over for <beep>-ing Thanksgiving! I am so disappointed in all of you. ALL
Tommy…MOVE YOUR ASS! OF YOU! (throws food all over the place)
Ric Flair
ASK LEGENDARY PRO-WRESTLER RIC FLAIR ANYTHING T h e r e ’s gonna be a party tonight! What you gotta do is take her out, NAT U R E
B O Y STYLE! You gotta walk the walk and talk the talk! And when you do win
I’m runing 4 class prezidint in my thurd grade class. How doo I win? her over, you go out and buy the nicest clothes, STYLE AND PROFILE! T h e n …
oh man… you get yourself the biggest limousine and you take her down to Flair
-Little Timmy from the block. c o u n t r y, CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA! ...where the Nature Boy basks in
all of his glory! Take her out to see me wrestle and defeat The Macho Man Randy
In order to be the man, you gotta BEAT THE MAN! (pointy finger in the ‘up’ direction, Ric Savage for the World Championship title! After the match, you have a nice steak
Flair does his strut) With lots and lots of training and a clothesline to that snot-nose punk running d i n n e r, have a bottle of wine… don’t worry, it’s all paid for by the Nature-riff-
around trying to beat you and taking that spotlight away from you, you too, can be the next 16- ic… and then what you gotta do is take her on up to the hotel room, the absolute
TIME class president! WHOOOOOO! highest floor. You come out wearing the Nature Boy’s robe, you body-slam her
on the bed, and give her the ol’ patented FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK and party
I am a very religious woman, a Christian to be exact. In the Bible, it is written that the Four the night away! W H O O O O O O !
Horsemen signify the end of the world and in which they do battle before everyone on Earth is
judged on Judgement Day. What are your religious views? Yo, Flair, son. Word is that Hulk Hogan is going to spark some mad shit, son!
Know what I’m sayin’? He say that he’s gonna clock yo’ ass and take yo’ g o l d
-Christina Cross in Nebrahoma belt and yo’ bitches and shit, kna’ what I mean ya heard? Don’t be acting stupid
and trying to player hate. I KNOW you gots this one. Yo u ’s a baller, kid! Ta k e
Lady, let me tell you something. You don’t need to wait until the end of the world to see the care of this studio punk bitch once and fo’ all. That shit is deep!
Four Horseman. Oh, my god… oh, my god (smiling)… instead, we’re going to have the ULTI-
MATE MAIN EVENT! The Four Horsemen… yours truly the Nature Boy, Arn Anderson, Lex -Big Whitey O-Dog from BX.
Luger, and Chris Benoit are gonna… WHOOOOOO!.. gonna defeat War, Famine, Pestilence, and
Death for the title in a good ol’ fashioned STEEL CAGE MATCH at Madison Square Garden, HO-GAN?! W H AT?! Oh, man… oh, my god… let me tell you something. Yo u
November 15th, live on PAY-PER-VIEW! Ladies, come ride Space Mountain one time! can NEVER hold a candle to the Nature Boy! Take a look back at all the
WHOOOOOO! wrestlers who carried the belt ON THEIR BACKS! The Andersons! T h e
Briscoes! Chief Wahoo McDaniels! The HISTO RY and TRADITION, if it allows
I have this crush on this girl at work. We’ve been talking to each other for a little bit and I feel it, will never open those doors for you! I’ll beat your ass from the ring all the
it’s time to make the moves on her. What do I do? way to Flair country, you rotten, no-good son-of-a-bitch! YOU DARE try to
B E AT THE MAN and I’ll (starts ripping his clothes off)… HO-GAN! Your ass is
-Workermouse in Washington mine!

Point Counter-Point
These aren’t the Droids Yo u ’ re Counterpoint: Dude, Those are So
Looking For Totally T h e m
By Obi-Wan Kenobi By Storm Trooper

Good afternoon. Pleasure seeing you Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dude, what the hell?
here. What? These droids? These aren’t Those are the droids, man. Dude, I swear to
the droids you’re looking for. The force god those are them. They look exactly like
has a strong influence on the weak-mind- the droids we’re looking for, boss. I’m not
ed, my friend. Believe me, if these were even selling death sticks, either. What are
the droids, you would know. Not only are you blabbering about? Okay, I’ll make it real
these not the droids you’re looking for, but simple: those are the droids, man. We want
you’re unhappy being a Storm Trooper and them. We’ve been looking for them. Just
want to explore other career options. You hand them over. Like, for real, dude. Don’t
also do not wish to sell me death sticks. try to play me. I’ve got the death sentence on
You want to go home and rethink your life. twelve systems. Nah, I totally borrowed that
He can go about his business now. Move line from some prick in the bar. But dude,
along. honestly, those are them.
James Messina

For eating our mother fucking canned bread.

death egg zone

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