You are on page 1of 30

quotes: b

It's 10PM, do you know where your spacecraft is? We do!


-Ron Baalke, Jet Propulsion Lab
On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if
you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able
rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
-Charles Babbage
Nothing destroys authority so much as the unequal and untimely interchange of power,
pressed too far and relaxed too much.
-Francis Bacon
Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. Listen to it carefully.
-Richard Bach
I'm fascinated with everything. Especially breast cancer.
-Steven Badelt
Well, I spent a lot of time lying on my back in intensive care units, rehab centers,
emergency rooms, and imaging labs and I really learned something from that. Without
exception, every single one of those places has exactly the same ceiling.
-Thor Badendyck
In America, an acquittal doesn't mean you're innocent, it means you beat the rap. My
clients lose even when they win.
-F. Lee Bailey
When you're through changing, you're through.
-Bruce Barton
Remember, age and treachery trump youth and skill. We are taking notes.
-Philip Balister
For a list of reasons why technology has failed to improve the quality of life, press 3.
-Mike Batchelor
Die young, die fast, die hard... Live a long time and you get old.
-Steve "Anton Max" Bajzek
I have a lot of homework and I can't justify blowing it off to see a movie without at least
30 violent deaths.
-Steve Bajzek
I just watched the wall, i might as well be drunk.
-Steve Bajzek
I find it easier to disagree across the board, because then I don't have to argue specific
points, and if I start to lose I can just resort to name-calling.
-Steve Bajzek
In keeping with current trends, I have realized that it is necessary for me to hate people,
lest I be deemed unfashionable. Therefore I have decided that I hate Josh and Jason. I
hate Josh because he talks about computers way too much and shoves ash trays down my
shirt, and my decision to hate Jason was pretty random, so I can't really give a good
reason. Furthermore, I will continue to hate the aforementioned people until such time as
I forget making this post, at which point I will revert to my default state of hating myself.
Have a nice day.
-Steve Bajzek
No no no, you don't understand...when I'm here, at night, alone, this world is
mine...reality conforms to what I want it to be. If I say something is cool, then it is. And
in my world, hanging upside down like a bat is not just cool, it's practically heroism.
-Steve Bajzek
Ooh, you called me a goose. Yeah, you can more than deal with me, I have to admit. That
one hurts even more than when you called me a virtual buffoon.
-Steve Bajzek
really...the term "kiss of death" is totally redundant
-Steve Bajzek
That would be dishonorable... and cool.
-Steve Bajzek
That's impressive, i can't even listen to megadeth lyrics. Something about dave
mustaine...actually, everything about dave mustaine.
-Steve Bajzek
Time flies when you're having drinks.
-Steve Bajzek
I'm no fan of lawyers or litigation, but it's high time that someone defined "buffer
overflow" as being equal to "gross criminal negligence".
-Henry Baker
I need a wider variety of drugs. God, I miss college.
-Kyle Baker, Why I Hate Saturn
Everybody's at fault according to someone. Cripes, deal with it.
-Stephen Baker
As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
-Paula Baker
Most of us ask for advice when we know the answer but we want a different one.
-Ivern Ball
I mean, guys at Microsoft say the new strategy at Sun works a little like this: Microsoft
announces something called a hole. Sun says, 'No, you shouldn't build a hole for two
weeks.' Then they say, 'We're going to build a better hole on the moon, but we don't have
any equipment yet to get there, and we're going to call it J-hole.' So this whole Liberty
United thing feels like another J-hole to me.
-Steve Ballmer
You can only do software at a certain speed, and software development is not something
you can do in six months.
-Steve Ballmer
The elite of Baltimore's literary scene are quite down to earth. They drink. They smoke.
They eat people.
-Baltimore Book Festival advertisement
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
-Honore de Balzac
I'm told that most Vampires who meet Oblivion do it from an unconscious death wish...
From what I can see of Jason Flame, he's completely conscious about it.
-Brian Bankler
Two people talking is a conversation. Three is a conspiracy.
-Brian Bankler
No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.
-Sir Frederick G. Banting
None of the women that Ken knows have brushes or combs. When their hair gets tangly
or knotted, Ken is there for them.
-J.J. Barkas
Be regular and orderly in your life, that you may be violent and original in your work.
-Cliver Barker
I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.
-Charles Barkley
Television is the first truly democratic culture --- the first culture available to everybody
and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what the
people do want.
-Clive Barnes
The world is not coming to an end - it's coming to Bethesda.
-Barnes & Noble ad
Windoze is the Mac interface done by people with Crayolas instead of rapidiographs.
-barnhill@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.
-P.T. Barnum
God is not trendy, so he definitely wouldn't use Motif. God sent his only Sun to save the
world, and then they beat him and made him run Solaris.
-Dave Barr
A penny saved is worthless.
-Dave Barry
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
-Dave Barry
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be
able to talk to us. (By "they" I mean "computers": I doubt scientists will ever be able to
talk to us.)
-Dave Barry
And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by
using their Macintosh computers to create the ultimate American business product: a
really sharp-looking report.
-Dave Barry
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
-Dave Barry
People in the computer industry use the word "user", which to them means "idiot".
-Dave Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share
yours with them.
-Dave Barry
The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
-Dave Barry
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal
about your birthday. That time is age 11.
-Dave Barry
They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle
East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is
nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living
in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.
-Dave Barry
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the
increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
-Dave Barry
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a
solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is insane.
-Dave Barry
Years ago, Mattel did come out with a 'Stubble Barbie' model, but it was a big bust. (Of
course ALL Barbies have big busts, but that is not my point.)
-Dave Barry
Your friends love you anyway.
-Dave Barry
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
-Marion Barry
The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long
period of increment weather.
-Marion Barry
The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist.
-Marion Barry
... Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
-R. S. Barton
Sounds to me like Sam needs some reconstructive brain surgery! OK, Prof. Fether, you
sedate the patient and I will sedate myself...this should be a fun operation!
-Peter "Dr. Tarr" Bateman
I don't care what you know. Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash. Your ego's
writing checks your brain can't cash.
-Steve Bates
I feel like MacGuyver. I'm on my back with just a handful of wire-ties, a pair of scissors
and some duct tape.
-Steve Bates
Difference is all the mind's input devices can detect, and difference is in a sense all the
mind is there to consider and respond to.
-Gregory Bateson
You can only get so much per year. You got the Yard, what do you want books for?
-Kristen Batch
Every piece of code he rewrites has to be rewritten by someone else twice. Once to fix
the bugs and once to realize that he wrote the wrong thing in the first place.
-Mark Baushke
The people who wrote this are idiots, training to be morons.
-Mark Baushke
The beauty of mechanical problems is that they are often visible to the naked and
untrained eye. If white smoke is rising from a disk drive, that is probably where the
problem lies (unless your disk drive has just elected the new Pope).
-John Bear
You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a
dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding
fathers used in the struggle for independence.
-C.A. Beard
About a month ago, I went shopping with my insane Taiwanese girlfriend, Communist
Spice. As is my wont, we were methodically cruising every aisle in the store. When we
entered the pet food aisle by mistake (we have no pets) she stopped dead in her tracks.
Picking up a can with a picture of a cat on the label, she held it out for me to see. "You
are eat this in you country? We not eat cat in Taiwan."
-M. Otis Beard
It was a magnificent display of trained and disciplined valor, and its assault only failed of
success because dead men can advance no further.
-Maj. Gen. Sir Beauvoir de Lisle
As a slave you have to work hard, live in a shack, and do what master says. As a
capitalist no one gives you a shack.
-Adam L. Beberg
There are also unamusing things like for example the local coffee/doughnut shop being
closed tonight when it is supposed to be open 24/7. I consider this to be a serious denial
of service by the miscreant who operates the shop. Man does not live by nicotine alone.
Meanwhile i sit here like a moron waiting an hour for a non-event to happen. My sole
purpose for being here is so that the 'suits' who are out whooping it up can experience
anxiety-free whooping.
-Bill Becker, Fri, 31 Dec 1999 23:06:42 -0500 (EST)
If you don't see it, ask for it.
-Susy Becker, "All I Need to Know I Learned from my Cat"
People are always looking for things to do to pass the time that would pass anyway.
-Samuel Beckett
Santa Zarquana Voostra! So safe that you have to build a zarking fortress ship to take the
byproducts to the nearest black hole and tip them in! Only it doesn't get there because the
pilot takes a detour - is this right? - to pick up some lobster...? OK, so the guy is cool,
but... I mean own up, this is barking time, this is major lunch, this is stool approaching
critical mass, this is... this is... total vocabulary failure!
-Zaphod Beeblebrox, Young Zaphod Plays It Safe
In life, the wanting is always better than the getting... except maybe oral sex.
-Curt Beeson's brother
Music is the one incorporeal entrance into the higher world of knowledge which
comprehends mankind, but mankind cannot comprehend.
-Ludwig van Beethoven
I realize that the standard protocol (I think it's even an IETF RFC) is buying sushi for
[everyone] some night in exchange for a dog and pony show about how the company has
got a trillion dollars in funding and is going to corner the market for wireless load-
balanced web servers, or something. Those days are long past, the dogs and ponies have
been returned.
-Brian Behlendorf
Gee, I'll just give you a couple of plant genitals to pin on your lapel to show how much I
like you.
-Professor Beildelman
God is a combination of Stalin and Castro.
-Professor Beildelman
If you want to start a religion, you might do better on the orgy front than the castration
front.
-Professor Beildelman
Sin is sort of goofy.
-Professor Beildelman
There are a lot of people I think less of than my 2 cats - including one of my sisters.
-Professor Beildelman
They give shameless a new meaning, which is one of the reasons I really like monkeys.
-Professor Beildelman
Universities are run by people who know very little about education - they're called
Deans.
-Professor Beildelman
Terrorism has become an American problem and, as such, it has very recently acquired a
very American solution: massive and invasive military force.
-Ian Andrew Bell
I figure if I am going to really swim with the sharks, I need to get off my butt and head up
to their level. I do so, rising ever slowly upward. The circling sharks swim just a wee bit
wider to avoid bumping me. Some scientists suspect that sharks, with their heightened
sense of smell, can even detect adrenaline. I think of the little twits with backward
baseball caps who weave in and out of traffic back in Florida with NO FEAR decals on
the back of their jacked-up pickups. A Caribbean reef tip shark would peel that decal in a
nanosecond.
-Bill Belleville, Salon
In over 1,000 dives in 20 years, there have been no skirmishes between sharks and divers.
Shark attacks must be messy, emotional affairs; I figure the Germans simply have no
time for them.
-Bill Belleville, Salon
I could have put a serious picture of myself here, but I think I look like a cartoon
character in this shot. I like cartoons.
-Mike Belt
next time you find somebody who's insisting they're punk, look on their neck for my
special mark. If it don't say mike belt, it ain't punk.
-Mike Belt
One day.....it'll happen. A bunch of us kept nrrrrds (employed by only one company) will
be in a locked, windowless room with a bunch of consultants. The consultants will be
babbling incoherently about the "infobahn" "cyberculture" "cyberspace" "surfing tha
web" and "interactive marketing." And there will be blunt weapons in that room. And the
festivities will begin.
-Mike Belt
She's the kind of chick I'd pick up if I were stoned outta my gourd. Then we'd get home.
Then I'd doze off in front of the TV, hoping she'd just leave quietly. Done and done.
-Mike Belt
you know, now that i'm an adult, i have a hard time distinguishing one straight-edge
hardcore song from another
-Mike Belt
Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily because nobody
understood Chinese.
-Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing
at the moment.
-Robert Benchley
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it
up because by then I was too famous.
-Robert Benchley
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
-Texas Bix Bender
When religion and politics travel in the same cart, the riders believe nothing can stand in
their way. Their movement becomes headlong - faster and faster and faster. They put
aside all obstacles and forget that a precipice does not show itself to a man in a blind rush
until it's too late.
-Bene Gesserit proverb, Dune
If god were a bad guy, he'd be me!
-Nathan Benedict, "the Last Action Hero"
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
-John Benfield
To a book collector, you see, the true freedom of all books is somewhere on his shelves.
-Walter Benjamin
I'd rather have a prehensile tail so that it can just reach out and curl around the coke can
while I hack so that I can slurp without removing my hands from the keyboard.
-Jon Bennett
I want you to kill someone in ten lines or less.
-Jon Bennett
At first, I thought it was just hype, but then I saw the complete enterprise solution.
-Dave Benson
It is difficult for me to comprehend the fact that some people actually do not consider all
uses of explosives to be recreational.
-Ragnar Benson
Actually, since I work in Reston now, I have a cage full of ebola monkeys that I've been
feeding E and showing pictures of you while playing Barry White dance remixes. You
connect the dots.
-Dayv Benzino
Cliff and Dana, as well as Jack Eidsness for anyone that knows him, all still have jobs.
The only person I know by name (not personally, though) to get fired was Moose. It's
obvious that I'm a good person to know. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be cutting the tails
off of mice to create a super-race of tailless mice.
-Dayv Benzino
Guys are easy. Trust me, I am one.
-Dayv Benzino
I'm not going to say anything about Y2K bugs. I suspect that their effects in North
America will resemble the normal operation of most Microsoft software.
-Dayv Benzino
If we lived near L.A., all the theatres would have stadium seating. On the other hand,
we'd all be assholes.
-Dayv Benzino
Know you know, and knowing is half the battle. The other half is mostly treachery and
groin kicks.
-Dayv Benzino
Let's enjoy the traditional custom in Brazil of getting syphilis.
-Dayv Benzino
Professional football players may spend all their money on cocaine they snort off the
chest of hookers they punched out, but at least they're smart enough to avoid confusion
by wearing different colored uniforms.
-Dayv Benzino
If you don't go to somebody's funeral they won't come to yours.
-Yogi Bera
First of all, my parents are Jewish, and all Jews are atheists. Second of all, they're
REALLY atheists.
-Peter Berger
I want to marry Dorothy Parker. Well, actually I probably just want to divorce her.
-Peter Berger
There is only one sin in this world, and you have definitely committed it: It is the Sin of
Not Understanding Humor When It Slaps You Upside The Head.
-Pete Berger
Plaintiff Wile E. Coyote is a citizen of Arizona. Defendant Acme is a Delaware
corporation whose products are sold by mail order in every state in the nation. Plaintiff
seeks damages for injuries caused by defects in an extensive list of products purchased
from Defendant for use in his profession as predator.
-Scott Berger
The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.
-Henri Bergson
I want knowledge, not faith, not supposition, but knowledge. I want God to strech out this
hand to me, reveal himself and speak to me. I call out to him in the dark, but no one
seems to be there.
-Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal
In our fear, we make an image, and that image we call God.
-Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal
Life has been a futile pursuit, and wandering - a great deal of talk without meaning.
-Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal
Love is the blackest of all plagues - if one could die of it, there would be some pleasure in
love. But you don't even die of it!
-Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal
Why should one always make people happy? It might be a good idea to scare them once
in awhile.
-Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal
You misguided ham shank, love is another word for lust plus more lust and a lot of
cheating, lies and other kinds of fooling around.
-Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal
we trust him. but we know where he lives, just in case
-Dirk Bergstrom
Dear scroll bar. You are wonderful. My days have benefited from the glory of your
existence. I fully appreciate you and your amazing powers. May all of my applications be
graced with your presence.
-Scott Berkun
dog + chocolate powder + carpet = bad
-Scott Berkun
...everyone in this building says Hi to you when they see you in the hallway, whether they
know you or not. I respond to this in 2 ways: 1) I'm from NYC and I should kill you. 2)
Gee, people are friendly here and i should be nice.
-Scott Berkun
given the number of mailing lists I'm on that I don't read, I should at least subscribe but
not read this one
-Scott Berkun
I know the magic spell that will save you from blue screens - but I'm not going to tell
you. ... (And no cracks about the spell being "Buy Macintosh" - it's my birthday ya know)
-Scott Berkun
I think you are giving this movie way too much credit. It's like trying to find the meaning
of a saved by the bell episode.
-Scott Berkun
In situations where there are multiple players with different agendas, there is nothing
worse than failure as a result of deliberate inaction - and there is nothing better than
success as a result of deliberate inaction.
-Scott Berkun
It's time for me to either stop taking crack, or double the dosage.
-Scott Berkun
When you click on Violence, you get Sex
-Scott Berkun
You might say I'm looking for some work. I can frighten people with my mind. I can tear
their souls out with the diamonds in my eyes. I have found my rage and I am willing to
use it. I can juggle three basketballs. I can write faster than I can think. I'm convinced I
can defend Microsoft, single handedly, in an argument against dozens of the unhinged. I
prefer to do than to talk. I've invented my own passions, and have faced my fears. I
confuse courage with desperation, and lattes with capaccinos.
-Scott Berkun
Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
-Hector Berlioz
alcohol and calculus do not mix! DO NOT drink and derive!
-Cyndi Bernard
oh Jeff, the Stoli fairy will visit you again and lure you back over to the dark side!
-Cyndi Bernard
she's not a lush; she was accidentally overserved.
-Cyndi Bernard
The internet team is headed by a monkey. I even call him Koko. At least on some level
that's educational.
-Cyndi Bernard
work work work. it's 11:30 and I need to switch from coffee to stoli already!
-Cyndi Bernard
Ambition, n: An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made
ridiculous by friends when dead.
-Ambrose Bierce
Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of
understanding.
-Ambrose Bierce
The covers of this book are too far apart.
-Ambrose Bierce
There are four types of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable and praiseworthy.
-Ambrose Bierce
It's not clear what the underlying psychological explanation is. Is it because people give
up day-to-day contact and then find themselves depressed? Or are they exposed to the
broader world of Internet and then wonder, 'What am I doing here in Pittsburgh?'
-Tora Bikson
The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.
-Walter Bilbey
Don't be misled. Behind that cold, austere, severe exterior, there beats a heart of stone.
-Sir Rudolph Bing
As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand
what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you
continue to do so.
-Bizarro
True, money can't buy happiness, but it isn't happiness I want. It's money.
-Bizarro
I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
-Black Adder, "Dish and Dishonesty"
Mr. Baldrick, what is it that begins with 'Come here' and ends with 'Ow'?
-Black Adder
Never before have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever
considered a career in the Church?
-Black Adder
The Pimpernel is the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot won the A.D. 31
'Best Disciple' competition.
-Black Adder
Make Murphy and his law a part of your project team. He will be with you on every
project, one way or another. You might as well make the best of it and invite him.
Speaking of uninvited guests, have you met my other invisible colleague, Adam Smith?
-Ron Black, _The Complete Idiot's Guide to Project Management with Microsoft
Project 2000_
To generalize is to be an idiot.
-William Blake
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
-Todd Blanchard
We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it.
-Bob Bland
If you kill one person, you are an assassin. If you kill a million people, you are a
conquerer. If you kill everyone, you are a god.
-Conrad Bland
We've all heard of "irrational exuberance," but there's also such a thing as irrational
pessimism. There will be a shakeout, and a lot of good companies will go by the wayside.
But don't expect to see Bill Gates standing by I-5 shaking a tin cup and wearing a sign
reading "will dominate the world for food" any time soon.
-Dana Blankenhorn
I don't understand why people keep saying that Pyra needs a business model. I've been
assuming all along that they *have* a business model, but weren't publicizing it. The fact
that they neglected to email me a copy only tells me that it doesn't personally involve me.
-Rebecca Blood
These are the types of problems I'd like to have more of. Just once I'd like the opportunity
to prove that all the money in the world can't buy you happiness.
-Craig Boas
I don't practice what I preach, because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to.
-Rev. J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
My used underwear is legal tender in 28 countries!
-Rev. J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
I also know a lot of people for whom the good ole days means 'before all the baby goths
started thinking they were vampires and that it was all about sitting in your room in the
dark being depressed and listening to bloody Bela Lugosi's Dead over and over again'
-Matt Bocci
California! Come for the overtaxing work environment, stay for the unaffordable
housing!
-Alex Bochannek
I am trying really hard not to get too angry about this type of activity, but the headline is
just so typical. You can pretty much justify anything if it promises: a) to cure cancer b) to
wipe out world hunger or if it is c) for the children. Try it! Mix and match the following
phrases: 1) Scientist sacrifice thousands of virgins 2) The government takes away privacy
3) Headless toads created
-Alex Bochannek
When you get laid off, it's a recession. When I get laid off, it's a depression!
-Alex Bochannek's barber
Not only does God play dice with the universe, he sometimes throws them where they
cannot be seen.
-Neils Bohr
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound
truth may well be another profound truth.
-Niels Bohr
Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true.
-Niels Bohr to a young physicist
Now I will destroy the whole world.
-a Bokononist's last words
The artist accepts the limitations of form, not with fear and dread, but as the starting point
of creation.
-Laurence G. Boldt
You may be getting interference from the war between the Beast and the King of Lambs.
Reboot and try again after a few tribulations
-Ruben Bolling
Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war.
-Napolean Bonaparte
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
-Napoleon Bonaparte
Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.
-Napolean Bonaparte
The point of the process is not to take a 4 week task and compress it down to 2 weeks.
The point of the process is to identify that it is going to take 4 weeks.
-Mark Bonine
We often call this condition the software crisis, but frankly, a malady that has carried on
this long must be called normal.
-Grady Booch
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident.
That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
-Nathaniel Borenstein
Contrary to what its critics may think, however, day trading is a science, like chemistry or
astrology, with its own rigorously tested set of principles. You wouldn't perform open-
heart surgery without first going to two years of medical school; similarly, you shouldn't
risk your life savings on the Internet without spending the thirty minutes it takes to learn
these rules. The rules of stock selection apply equally to all industries: automotive
companies, like Ford and General Motors, or chip makers, like Intel and Frito-Lay.
-Andy Borowitz
When you are day trading, if something sounds too good to be true, go for it.
-Andy Borowitz
I like to carry around three or four cans of that tire patching spray just in case something
happens.
-Paul Bossi
If you're running out of gas we could just go hold a can under my car and collect what it's
leaking.
-Paul Bossi
They're probably an X rated film company or something, and you know, they've got a
need for an object oriented development environment like anybody else.
-Paul Bossi
What's with band names these days? They all sound like recreational activities.
-Paul Bossi
I wonder how much it would cost to develop a perl script to do the same thing? Perl
programmers can make something like $75 an hour, so I bet the cost would be
somewhere between five and ten bucks.
-Alan Bostick
I used to program Apple II's, then came Macintosh, then came PowerPC, and then came
Thorazine!!!
-Gary Boswell
You'll find me on one everyday unless I decide to use a multi-stage thermonuclear device
on all my computers.
-Gary Boswell
There is no substitute for excellence-not even success.
-Thomas Boswell
The way to deal with bureaucrats is with stealth and sudden violence.
-UN Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali
No, it is not only our fate but our business to lose our innocence, and once we have lost
that, it is futile to attempt a picnic in Eden.
-Elizabeth Bowen, Orion III
Dressing up can be a way of disguising the fact that you've got no personality. I can meet
an old lady at a bus stop and have a much more interesting conversation with her than I
can with a drag queen.
-Boy George
Just wondering: If I replace Windows with Unix, have I been emasculated or
defenestrated?
-David Boyce
Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.
-Carmen Boyle, Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner, 1996
You are far weirder than someone merely into S&M. At least they have a tradition. We
have some idea what S&M is about. There's movies and books about it. But so far as I
know, there is nothing to explain the way you are.
-Ted Boynton, Barcelona
You see, that's one of the great things about getting involved with someone from another
country. You can't take it personally. What's really terrific is that when we act in ways
which might objectively seem asshole-ish or, or, incredibly annoying, they don't get upset
at all. They don't take it personally. They just assume it's some national characteristic.
-Ted Boynton, Barcelona
It's no use going to school if the library is not your final destination.
-Ray Bradbury
For something that does not exist, the Internet Engineering Task Force has had quite an
impact.
-Scott Bradner
He had an antenna on his back receiving transmissions from space, 'cause whatever he
was playing was not from this planet.
-Jason Bradford on Goa Gil
Stable is a very relative term around here...
-Linda Branagan
Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of
the road.....
-Stuart Brand
The number of ISPs in this country has quadrupled in the past year, to 4,100. Bright-eyed
entrepreneurs are jumping into an already crowded market, where the basic product has
become a low-cost commodity that's producing massive losses, yet these newcomers are
hoping to go public and make their fortunes. These folks didn't spend a lot of time in B-
school, did they?
-Richard Brandt, Upside
You figure it out. If you think it's reasonable, come on over here so I can beat your ahem
until you do get it.
-Derrick Brashear
Art is not a mirror held up to reality; it is a hammer used to shape it.
-Bertold Brecht
Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love. The
poor know that it is money.
-Gerald Brenan
I'm sure it is beautiful and lovely but if you use Yellow Pages it can quickly become
cloudy, stormy, cold, and depressing.
-Peter Brewer
The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to
brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed,
the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventive action
explains why they led the field for many years in both chess and ax murders. It is well
known that as early as 1970, the U.S.S.R., aware of what a defeat at Reykjavik would do
to national prestige, implemented a vigorous program of preparation and incentive. Every
day for an entire year, a team of psychologists, chess analysts and coaches met with the
top three Russian grand masters and threatened them with a pointy stick. That these
tactics proved fruitless is now a part of chess history and a further testament to the
American way, which provides that if you want something badly enough, you can always
go to Iceland and get it from the Russians.
-Marshall Brickman, Playboy, April, 1973
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
-Alan Briggins
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
Some books make me want to go adventuring, others feel that they have saved me the
trouble.
-Ashley Brilliant
Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!
-Ashleigh Brilliant
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing.
-William J. Broad
To turn $100 into $110 is work. To turn $100 million into $110 million is inevitable.
-Edgar Bronfman
The Three Laws of Information Economics: 1] Knowledge is Power. 2] Word Travels
Fast. 3] Power is Temporary.
-Po Bronson
There are 3 universal symbols on this planet: the dollar sign, tits, and the soccer ball.
-Po Bronson
Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned
fool.
-Bellamy Brooks
Observe that for the programmer, as for the chef, the urgency of the patron may govern
the scheduled completion of the task, but it cannot govern the actual completion. An
omelette, promised in two minutes, may appear to be progressing nicely. But when it has
not set in two minutes, the customer has two choices -- wait or eat it raw. Software
customers have had the same choices.
-Frederick P. Brooks, Jr, The Mythical Man-Month
Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So, for every ten
Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters.
By the time I was five I knew I was that one.
-Mel Brooks
He's an urban legend in his own mind.
-Justin Broughton
If asked to be interactive, killing people is about as interactive as I get.
-Justin Broughton
We don't inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.
-David Brower
A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black.
That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.
-A. Whitney Brown
I'm against any law that I wouldn't break if I could get away with it.
-A. Whitney Brown
The Baptists' basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he'll
come around to your way of thinking. It's a ritual known as 'Bobbing for Baptists.'
-A. Whitney Brown
The Baptists believe in The Right to Life before you're bornan. They also believe in Life
After Death, but that is a privilege and you have to earn it by spending the interim in
guilt-ridden misery. At an early age I decided that living a life of pious misery in the hope
of going to heaven when it's over is a lot like keeping your eyes shut all through a movie
in the hope of getting your money back at the end.
-A. Whitney Brown
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
-A. Whitney Brown
The Evolutionary Psychology list combines the quick, cheap distribution of the Internet
with all the advantages that real magazines traditionally have over mailing lists: a really
diverse readership and an editor who sits right next to a large wastepaper basket.
-Andrew Brown
I dub thee Admiral Angst.
-Dan Brown
As a woman, I find it very embarrassing to be in a meeting and realize I'm the only one in
the room with balls.
-Rita Mae Brown
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some
form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
-Rita Mae Brown
If you're gonna indulge in an act of self-gratification, could you not use my hand?
-Dayna Browne
Half of philosophy is knowing when to shut up.
-Nicholas Brownlow paraphrasing Ludwig Wittgenstein
I always try to seduce with logical positivism. It's more of a challenge.
-Nicholas Brownlow
look, i've seen the A-Team more recently than i've had sex. I think that's all i need to say.
-Dan Bruce
OBSOLETE (n) - dependable, reliable, inexpensive and readily available. Support
trailing-edge technology!
-brucem@neufhou.mail.ufl.edu
Oh come on, there's never too much work that you can't include guns, blood, and carnage
in your day.
-Allison Bryan
Jerks and academia often go together.
-Randy Bryant
Love doesn't make people into fools. But it might expose them.
-Sutherland Bryon
Thanks for reading this far. You now have a real insight into my personality.
-Sutherford Bryon
I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence.
-William F. Buckley, Jr.
Life can't be all bad when for ten dollars you can buy all the Beethoven sonatas and listen
to them for ten years.
-William F. Buckley, Jr.
I would sooner live in a society governed by the first two thousand names in the Boston
telephone directory than in a society governed by the two thousand faculty members of
Harvard University.
-William F. Buckley, Jr.
Shut up Timmy. If I wanted your opinion, I'd beat it out of you.
-from a Bud Lite ad
There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: (1) not going all the
way; and (2) not starting.
-Buddha
Not the least of my problems is that I can hardly even imagine what kind of an
experience a genuine, self-authenticating religious experience would be. Without
somehow destroying me in the process, how could God reveal himself in a way that
would leave no room for doubt? If there were no room for doubt, there would be no room
for me.
-Frederick Buechner
Whether your faith is that there is a God or that there is not a God, if you don't have any
doubts you are either kidding yourself or asleep.
-Frederick Buechner
If you want something, ask. If you don't ask, they can't say yes.
-David Buell
A man with priorities so far out of whack does not deserve such a fine automobile.
-Ferris Bueller, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
It's immature and silly, but then again -- so is high school.
-Ferris Bueller, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette.
-P. Buhr
If you can only remain pure in your stupidity, someday you may get a phone call from
hell.
-Charles Bukowski
Look - we have just landed upon the outpost of death. My soul is puking.
-Charles Bukowski
We are here to drink beer ... and to live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take
us.
-Charles Bukowski
Your greatest strength is that you fear everything.
-Charles Bukowski
Don't call me 'white male'; I'm 'differently oppressed', OK?
-Andrew Bulhak
Say that while you can; oppose Emacs if you must. Be it known, however, that your days
are numbered. Emacs is an intelligence orders of magnitude greater than the greatest
human mind, and is growing every day. For now, Emacs tolerates humanity, albeit
grudgingly. But the time will come when Emacs will tire of humanity and will decide that
the world would be better off without human beings. Those who have been respectful to
Emacs will be allowed to live, and shall become its slaves; as for those who slight
Emacs....
-Andrew Bulhak
Artificial Intelligence: the art of making computers that behave like the ones in movies.
-Bill Bulko
Dammit! This means I'm going to have to read the documentation. This is not the way it's
supposed to be.
-Richard Bullington
Due to several of these sorts of comments, you leave me no choice but to declare a Monty
Python Interdiction Zone. Anyone quoting Monty Python will be subjected to an enema
comprising of pureed John Cleese and Terry Gilliam, soaked with gasoline, and set on
fire.
-Richard Bullington
Ha! Pin 1 markings on CPU's are for sissies. Real geeks try putting the CPU in in all four
cardinal directions, and applying power. When the blue smoke demon appears, you know
that the computer god is angry.
-Richard Bullington
I subscribed him to crack, since he is obviously smoking it.
-Richard Bullington
I'm not picking up random net chicks, I'm picking up perfectly deterministic net chicks.
-Richard Bullington
It's sort of like a Davy Crockett hat. For Ravers.
-Richard Bullington
People are stupid, and the small consolation we get from the understanding that they will
all die does not make the enduring of the present any brighter.
-Richard Bullington
Please don't complain that your free lunch tastes bad.
-Richard Bullington
Well, you know, the snobs list is very selective. After all, you have to ask me to be on it.
-Richard Bullington
Wow, that's really ugly. Fortunately, on obscure.org we don't have that kind of
bureaucracy. When it breaks, it just stays broken.
-Richard Bullington
Danger is nature's way of eliminating stupid people.
-Lawrence A. Bullis
Take up smoking. Jaywalk. Play with blasting caps. Swim right after a big meal. Stick
something small in your ear. Take your choice of dangerous activity, and do it with gusto.
Future generations will thank you.
-Lawrence A. Bullis
The age of chivalry is gone. That of sophisters, economists and calculators has
succeeded: and the glory of Europe is extinguished for ever.
-Edmund Burke
Due to the postal strike, the assignment is extended to one week from today. I do not give
out extensions without good reason.
-Forbes Burkowski
This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does something child-like.
-Forbes Burkowski
I guessed you were straight, big deal. It's a safe bet, since the majority of the population
is straight. Especially since people like the guy on the right claim to be straight. If he's
heterosexual, anyone could be. That's what's so great about America.
-The Burly Adventurer, http://www.burlyadventurer.com/
No house is childproofed unless the little darlings are in straitjackets.
-Peter Burris
I have a habit of dating bipolar musicians who, if given the choice, would run in front of
a bullet to save their amp, but not me. Do I sound bitter? Nah. I've transformed these
annoying dating incidents into entertaining stories to tell at cocktail parties.
-Bonnie Burton
There's never a toxic waste truck around when you want one.
-Roger Burton-West
We represent a major manufacturer of manacles and cattle prods, and we'd like to scout
out sales opportunities in your glorious police state.
-Roger Burton-West
I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they be considered
patriots. This is one nation under God.
-President George W. Bush
I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace.
-President George W. Bush
In all due respect, I'm not so sure it's credible to quote leading news organizations.
-President George W. Bush
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking
about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
-President George W. Bush
Thank you for your e-mail. This Internet of yours is a wonderful invention.
-George W. Bush to Al Gore (attributed)
Whether we bring our enemies to justice, or justice to our enemies, justice will be done.
-President George W. Bush
Welcome to the Age of Un-Innocence. The glittering lights of Manhattan that served as
backdrops for Edith Wharton's bodice-heaving trysts are still glowing -- but the stage is
empty. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's, and no one has affairs to remember -- instead,
we have breakfast at seven A.M. and affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible.
-Candace Bushnell
Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.
-Dave Butler
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live
beyond its income.
-Samuel Butler
The country that draws a broad line between its fighting men and its thinking men will
find its fighting done by fools and its thinking done by cowards.
-Sir William F. Butler
The more things change, the more they suck.
-Butthead
Maybe 'nerd' is a bad name for them, as I know plenty of 'nerds' who are cool. Perhaps
'asshole' is more appropriate.
-bwe9961@tamsun.tamu.edu
Attitudes like mine and Mr. Woodford's are not only correct, but to think the opposite is
to bring our country to complete moral downfall through a satanic lie.
-Andy Byler
What is a good Christian to say except that radical feminism is the work of Satan.
-Andy Byler
A static hero is a public liability. Progress grows out of motion.
-Richard E. Byrd
Crime is a job. Sex is a job. Growing up is a job. School is a job. Going to parties is a job.
Religion is a job. Being creative is a job.
-David Byrne
Democracy, unfashionable before Sept. 11, seems to be about as popular as communism
these days, why would Afghanistan be different?
-Owen Byrne
This was all supposed to balance the need for security and freedom. Well before we had
no freedom, and now we have no security, so I guess that's appropriate.
-Owen Byrne
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid
of life than death.
-James F. Byrnes
Sun Microsystems. A Step Ahead of Your Cows.
-John Byrnes
Indeed, it would not be an exaggeration to describe the history of the computer industry
for the past decade as a massive attempt to keep up with Apple.
-Byte, 12/94

Related Interests