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Why Are Vans Substituting Broken-Down Buses?

dropped me off in front of the union it was willing to provide some insight on the sit-
past 1:00. uation. Ben, one of the Inner Loop driv-
The Inner Loop bus is supposed to ers, said, “[The] problem is that most of
come every ten minutes and I couldn’t get these buses are past their prime.” As a
where I was going on time even though I result, they break down frequently. When
left a whole half hour to get there. On a asked if he thinks the problems will start
number of other occasions, similar prob- becoming more frequent as winter comes,
lems with the bus occurred when I was on Ben said, “Unfortunately, [they] probably
my way to class. Many professors and will.”
TAs take points off your grade for lateness. Full time students pay $65 every semes-
So there is potential for students to get ter towards a Transportation Fee. Do you,
lower grades as a result of the inadequa- our readers, think it is being spent wisely?
cies of the bus services. The current situation seems to be one of
So why are they substituting the buses insurmountable frustration. However,
with vans? James O’Connor, Director of there are a number of ways you can com-
Jowy Romano
Two vans in the SAC loop
Transportation and Parking Operations plain about the bus service. Transportation
had this to say, “In the event of a bus Services has a customer feedback form on
By Jowy Romano As an especially busy resident of the breaking down, there are other buses uti- their website at
___________ West Apartments, known as being some of lized in place of the said broken-down bus. transportation/. If you prefer to speak to
the furthest dorms from the main campus, Additionally, in times of lower demand, someone directly try calling the
Stony Brook is a big place. Some of us I rely on the Inner Loop bus to get me the Department also utilizes shuttles on Transportation Services office at (631)
who trek around campus everyday have no where I am going on time. This past Campus Bus Service routes.” 632-2886.
problem walking everywhere; others ride Wednesday the 8th, like most other days, I O’Connor’s statement is obviously not When asked if there is anything stu-
their bikes or use cars. The rest of us rely decided to take the Inner Loop on to cam- entirely true because the photo with this dents can do to find out about bus delays
on the campus bus system to get around. pus. I left my room at 12:30 PM to get to article clearly show two 12-passenger vans or other problems, O’Connor said,
If you have taken advantage of the cam- the 1:00 Press meeting. As I walked out of waiting at the SAC loop. This photo was “Students are urged to call 631-632-FIND
pus buses within the past month or so, you my room I heard what I thought was the taken on Thursday, November 2nd at for up to date Campus Bus Service infor-
may have had a van or a paratransit bus bus, so I ran to the third West Apartment around 11:30 AM. If 11:30 AM on a mation. Moving forward, our Department
pick you up instead of a full-size bus. This bus stop through pouring rain to catch it. Thursday during the fall semester is not a has a few innovative ideas in order to get
normally isn’t a problem except when the Soaking wet, I made it in time to see a van peak time, then what is? the message out to riders regarding
vans, because of their much smaller size, pass by all the people waiting at the bus Some of the bus drivers refused to com- Campus Bus Service in a live, real-time
fill up and start skipping stops. stop. By the time the next bus came and ment on the matter. One, however, was fashion.”

NYPIRG Rocks the Vote with “Political Pa r t y”

By Alex H. Nagler the event into the polling place for
___________ Election Day. Many of the sixty some-
odd students who came were motivated
You say you want a revolution? by the promise of free food, in which
Alright, it ain’t easy. And throwing par- NYPIRG did not disappoint. The event
ties for said revolutions is a bitch. This was catered by Subway and provided a
Monday, NYPIRG held a “Political welcome relief for those students growing
Party” in an effort to Rock the Vote, or as tired of the food provided by the SAC.
was obvious from the music choice, Acoustic was the word of the evening
Singer/Songwriter the Vote. Over half a (save for two poets, the step team, and the
dozen bands and singers showed up to Pep Band) as all acts performed various
lend their support to getting the students acoustic numbers, both original and cov-
of Stony Brook out to the polls for the ers. Many Stony Brook students had their
Midterm Elections the next day. chance to shine, showing off their musical
NYPIRG, the organization responsible abilities and putting out the request for a
for helping students maintain their rights bass player who could sing. In an unusual Dan Woulfin
NYPIRG rockin’ the vote
and keep tuition down, is also active in turn of events, this author turned down a
registering and mobilizing students to chance to sing unaccompanied as he was Scott Zotto, the On Campus NYPIRG last minute undecided voters come up
exercise their democratic right of voting. merely working the event. The Pep Band, representative had this to say: “This was with who to vote for. They also helped
Earlier this fall, they dorm stormed and who served as a much-needed energ y an event designed by students, starring monitor the election, making sure that
registered close to thirteen hundred stu- booster after an evening of downtempo students to benefit students, and I could- everyone who wanted to vote could and
dents to vote, many singing up for the acoustic numbers, closed the event. n ’t be prouder.” helping those who were having diff i c u l-
first time. They also reregistered many The more serious and nonmusical side All in all, NYPIRG’s efforts were ties finding their polling place find it.
students to vote on campus, including this of the evening was punctuated with shown to be a success as approximately NYPIRG deserves a hand for making
native Brooklynite. As election time speeches about the importance of voting 560 students showed up to the polls to this one of the largest non-presidential
approached, they manned the phone bank, and requests for membership by clubs cast their votes in the 2006 Midterm election turnouts the University has seen
calling students with the numbers they such as the Social Justice Alliance and Midtacular. Among the politicians who in a very long time, beating 2005 by over
provided (and confusing many parents many of their projects, such as their “Kick showed up on campus, Brooke Ellison 300 voters. It was truly a Midterm
who were left wondering why their Out Coke” project. Also present were the came by to encourage students to vote. Midtacular here at Stony Brook
child’s school was calling them to inform Speedcubers, who managed to solve one Sadly, the push to get people to vote did University, and NYPIRG deserves a good
them about election day), reminding them of those damned Rubik’s Cubes in under not apply to her as she lost in her chal- deal of credit for making that happen. Just
to vote. a minute, when it takes other people three lenge to take the Second Seat of the New goes to show you what a desire for
The event was held in SAC Ballroom months to get a side down. York State Senate. NYPIRG was there change, some good music, and Subway
B, which was transformed directly after When asked to comment on the event, with information on all candidates to help can do.
PASS Passed! Stony Brook Students Have
One Less Excuse to do Badly in Class
By Scott E. Silsbe With PASS’s passage, any student who finds matics and the natural sciences have been PASS seems to be proving popular even
___________ that he or she is in need of academic support found to be the subjects where students are in before its full implementation. However,
will be able to be quickly and easily matched most dire need of tutoring. Thus, ten of the fif- Wisnoski noted during my interview with her
It’s now two months into the fall semester, with another Stony Brook student for tutoring. teen initial tutors will be teaching these sub- that there had indeed been some contention
and I’m sure that by now many of you are PASS calls for the employment of fifteen jects. There will be three available for the leading up to the bill’s passage. The main
feeling like you’re in over your heads in at tutors in the fall semester, rising to thirty in the social sciences and one for business and issue seems to have been the amount of
least one or two classes. Unfortunately, many spring. These individuals will engineering, respectively. Should it be money being allocated for an as-yet-untested
students find teaching assistants unhelpful and be paid $15.00 an hour by the found that more tutors are needed program. Senator Nathan Shapiro, who
professors unapproachable. Given the large USG (roughly $20,000 has been in one area and less in another, the abstained from voting, expressed some appre-
introductory classes at Stony Brook, it can be allocated for the program as of bill has provisions for a swift change hension about the size of the bill as it was
especially hard for freshman and others to get November 3rd). There will be no in the proportions, to be handled by the passed. He expressed that a smaller program,
the help they need to do well in class. For charge to students who utilize the Senate. roughly half the size of the bill that was
those seeking some sort of one-on-one assis- program. Students will work The program itself is being imple- passed, could have been implemented instead
tance, there is now an answer. one-on-one with tutors, mented and run by the newly to test the waters; this way, in the event that
The USG Senate recently passed a land- though two-on-one sessions formed Academic Planning the program was not wholly successful, fewer
mark bill to help students who are struggling may also occur if the pro- Committee; this new USG body is USG resources would be committed.
and would like assistance from their peers. gram proves popular. To headed by the Vice President of Nonetheless, PASS enjoys broad support in
The Providing Academic Support to Students ensure the highest quality Academic Affairs, Chinelo Onochie. In the USG and was passed by the Senate unan-
Act, or PASS for short, will provide tutors for possible, the bill calls for prospective tutors to addition to managing PASS, the APC will be imously.
Stony Brook students. These tutors will them- be interviewed and trained prior to employ- in charge of conceiving and running academ- PASS was conceived and written by
selves be recruited from the undergraduate ment; also, prospective tutors must have ic events such as participatory student con- Senator Amy Wisnoski. She sees the program
student body. Before the passage of this bill, achieved an A- in the subject that they wish to tests, as well as bringing public speakers to as one of the USG’s greatest achievements;
there was no comprehensive tutoring program teach. Additionally, students will be asked to campus. she noted that the bill is “something for this
in existence at Stony Brook. Besides trying to fill out an evaluation form after each session PASS, which was passed into law a couple administration to leave behind to future Stony
find and pay an individual tutor through per- to provide feedback on tutor performance. As of weeks ago, is now in the first stages of Brook students.” She went on to say, “We saw
sonal ads, the other main option for students a final check on potential tutor incompetence, implementation. Amy Wisnoski happily a problem that needed a solution, and we did-
on campus seeking one-on-one help was sessions will be subject to “performance reported that the APC has been inundated n't sit back and let another department take
going to the Residential Tutoring Centers run reviews” by a member of the PASS Board of with applications from prospective tutors, as care of it; we solved it! It's a meaningful
by Campus Residences. These centers, how- Directors, which is currently populated by well as with students seeking to make use of change and the USG did it, not me, not the
ever, prove obviously unhelpful to the com- Amy Wisnoski, Mary Howley, Chinelo the new program. If everything goes as Senate; all of us are working to make it hap-
muter population at Stony Brook, which Onochie and Eunice Ro. planned, tutoring will begin by the middle of pen. And that makes me proud to be a part of
makes up roughly half of the student body. It should come as no surprise that mathe- November. USG.” Sing it, sister!

Recent Sex A s s a u l t s President Blamed for

“Under Investigation” Problems at Hospital
By Alex Walsh tims.” In order to protect the privacy of the By Madeline Scheckter researchers, and the fact that the hospital was
___________ complainants, the police and the school ___________ unaware that it was an AIDS care center. It is
have kept most of the details of the event perhaps these crises that caused Stony Brook
At the end of October, a pair of female quiet. Little compared the campus to a The State Department of Health (DOH) Medical School to slip, in the eyes of the
students who were visiting two men in small city, in that information could get found 17 violations at Stony Brook Hospital on National Institutes of Health Awards. In 2004,
their residence halls reported that the men around easily. “If I give the name of the November 3rd. This is in addition to the 19 vio- the Medical School was rated 59th out of 123.
had sexually harassed them. An e-mail quad out,” he said, “people could start ask- lations that the hospital received three months The following year, it rated 65th.
sent shortly afterward by Peter Baigent, ing around.” More detailed information earlier. The violations vary, but one of the major Critics do not blame only Kenny’s inexperi-
Vice President for Student cannot be made public until the investiga- concerns of the hospital’s critics is that some ence as a physician for the hospital’s problems,
A ffairs, to all students tion of the accused attackers is complete. doctors performed procedures for which they and many do concede that she is a capable aca-
assured the campus The purpose of the Vice had no expertise. Health Commissioner Antonia demic leader. Indeed, the structure of the hospi-
community that President’s e-mail, according to Novello called it “worrisome” that the hospital tal has been brought into question. Stony Brook
there was no Little, was to make sure would allow “doctors to practice outside their Hospital is set up differently from others in the
threat to other stu- students knew there was scope and qualifications.” It is not clear what SUNY system. Other hospitals have a separate
dents. no threat to their safety. would prompt the hospital to this policy, but Dr. physician-president to whom the chief of the
According to Doug “There isn’t some Harvey Wachsman, the chair of the Health hospital reports, but at SBU, reports are directly
Little, the University unknown person Sciences and Hospitals Committee for the given to Kenny. This raises the question of who
Police’s Deputy Chief for still out there,” he SUNY Board of Trustees cited a “leadership decided it should be set up that way, and it
Community Relations/Patrol, the case said. It was also problem.” The leadership problem, according appears that Kenny was appointed head of the
is still under active investigation by intended to dispel the DOH’s report extends up to and including hospital by the SUNY Board of Trustees. It has
S u ffolk County and University Police. rumors that might have circulated without President Shirley Strum Kenny. also been posited that more attention has been
Tests are still being performed, and the an official statement. Rumors of crime According to many critics, Kenny’s lack of paid to the $300 million dollar expansion project
police are in contact with the alleged make students uncomfortable, and “that’s medical background has contributed to the hos- than to the actual medical practices.
attackers. The University has provided not good for the community.” Finally, the pital’s myriad problems. These problems Whatever the case may be, and whomever or
support services to the victims. “We want message made students aware of the serv- include not only the three much-reported on whatever is to blame, Stony Brook Hospital has
to catch the bad guys,” said Little, “but our cases of child deaths, but also the losses of six until November 15th to file a plan of correction
Continued on page 7 administrators and several biomedical with the DOH for its 36 violations.
top priority is to help and protect the vic-
What are you lookin at, butthead?
Democrats for Great Justice! Move Zig!

Emmet “Doc” Brow n

Jowy Ro m a n o
B i ff
“Americans learn only from catastrophe and not from experi- good riddance to bad rubbish. Hell yeah. This doesn’t mean the
A n d rew Pe rn i ck ence.” soldiers are coming home, this doesn’t mean the next Mardi Gras
Mar ty -Theodore Roosevelt will be the best in years, and this doesn’t mean ole Monkeyface
A l ex Wa l s h will gain wisdom, insight, and empathy. But hey, it’s a start. And
L o rraine Baines McFly Teddy had a good point, there. We here at the Press, we repre- we’ll take it.
Adina Silve r bu s h sent the elite that is the snobby literati of a SUNY school. We’re America can have a lame duck presidency for the next two
The Flux Cap a c i t o r the crème de la crème. And we knew come 2000 that we didn’t years. People with foresight and the ability to pronounce the word
C a roline D’Agat i
like that Bush fellow. We knew come 2004 we still weren’t fond “nuclear” can take over, do things right. This is a time for opti-
The Power of L ove of that son of a…. That guy. We weren’t fond of a reactionary mism, hope, and fucking moms. The future is uncertain, but
Rebecca Kleinhaut
Madeline Sch e ck t e r Supreme Court, we weren’t fond of a united House and Senate we’re looking towards it without dread for a change. Will the
G ray ’s Spor t ’s A l m a n a c making largely unilateral decisions, we certainly weren’t happy United States’ attitudes and laws be affected? Will we as a nation
S t ephanie Haye s with inept crisis management, we didn’t like shady characters and forge peace between warring nations? Will we stop being cow-
The Pinheads lobbying scandals, and we assure you, we didn’t like waging war boys and take a second to unfuck ourselves wherever we’re cur-
Jo ey Safdia on a verb. Well, the 2006 elections have come and gone, and rently entangled? Will we take radical steps forward in a progres-
Vincent Michael Fe s t a
while some things are as much a mire as ever, other things are sive and open-minded fashion? Fucked if we know, but we sure
The Space/Time Continu u m
James Messina looking up. hope so. That’d be cool.
Rose Slupski We’re going to charge ahead. Metaphorically speaking, of We know, we know. What will become of this fine publica-
Lukasz Chelminski
course. The Democrats now have the majority in the House and tion? What will happen when we lay, contented and perfectly
The DeLore a n
Chris Wi l l i a m s the Senate. A Muslim was elected to the House of happy? What will become of our acerbic wit and our brilliant
Representatives, in Minnesota no less. A woman is poised for the gibes? We don’t know. But we’re just as pleased as fucking
N ovember 5, 1955
Kristine Re n i ge n first time ever to be Speaker of the House. Rumsfeld’s resigning; punch that after six years we’re going to find out.
1.21 Gigawat t s
Rob Pe a rs a l l

Joe Rios
Coper nicus
Joe Rios
M ayor Goldie Wi l s o n
Joe Filippazzo

Huey Lewis and the Newsmen

Esam Al-Shareffi Steve McLinden
Kotei Aoki Leeza Menon
Travis Aria Thomas Mets
Nicole L. Barry Claire Mize
Melissa Bernardez Dana Murray
James Blonde Irv Novoa
Jimmy Del Kerr Frank Nobiletti
Joe Donato John O’Dell
Melanie Donovan Karina Offurum
Michael Felder Michael Prazak
Amelia Fischer Nirmala Ramsaran
Rob Gilheany Berta Rezik
David K. Ginn Miguel Sanchez
Sam Goldman Natalie Schultz
Joanna Goodman Alison Schwartz
Paula Guy Karen Shidlo
Trevor Hirst Jesse Schoepfer
Mo Ibrahim Christine Tanaka
Alexander Kahn Amberly Timperio
Elizabeth Kaplan Claudia Toloza
Olga Kaplun Lena Tumasyan
Michael Kelly Marcel Votlucka
Yve Koon Jake Wallace
Larry Lamb Brian Wasser
Joan Leong Ricky Whitcomb
Antony Lin Matt Willemain
Mariana Martins Ed Zadorozny

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To the Editor:

I would just like to write to tell your readers how much the Staller Center rocks, and how I think that everyone should
try and go to a performance there this year. There is something that would appeal to anyone: Jane Monheit, the Emerson
String Quartet, the American Brass Quintet, the State Ballet Theatre of Russia, Chick Corea (an AMAZING pianist), the
Bulgarian State Opera…the list goes on and on! Theatre, classical music, ballet, jazz, fusion…I think that our genera-
tion is becoming so disconnected from live performances like these, and that having the Staller Center on campus is a
great opportunity. Art, theatre and classical music are more fun and inspiring than many people assume! I say, y’all try
and go to a performance there…it would be a great place to take a date too…or to take your parents when they come
and visit. They have a student discount also, which makes it even more appealing. I think we are all appreciative and
intelligent enough to enjoy fine arts when they are available to us. Open your minds! Get some damn culture!

S i n c e r e l y,
A music lover and student here just like the rest of you.

Mmmmmm. Culture is yummy.

Dear Stony Brook Press,

In your Issue 1 Editorial on the smoking ban, you end with this statement:

"Smokers, in return, should show the university that they can be courteous and keep the smoke away from those who
don't like it, that way we all can live in peace and harmony without being controlled."

The thing is, most times, they are. It's very rare for a smoker to strut around blowing smoke in people's faces, or basi-
cally making nuisances of themselves. Even when they stand by entrances, or where groups of people just so happen to
be, its mostly in the wintertime, so they can keep as warm as possible. And most people understand this.

We harm our bodies all the time. Whether through use of prescription drugs, Vivarin and coffee, Twinkies and red
meat, or unprotected sex with multiple partners. Very few of us can actually claim to take great care of our bodies. And
again, most people understand this.

And yet we are a society where certain vices are more tolerated than others. Being a gambler or a glutton is seen as
someone's "personal problem;" having a joint before bedtime or a smoke before class is seen as Some Big Deal, and
those who enjoy these things are pariahs. For the University to claim that smokers, as a group, are causing harm to the
campus by their very existence (which is, from what I gather, the reason for this ban) is a crock, and they know it, and
by your editorial, you guys know it too, and I'm glad that you are calling them on it.

It's the height of absurdity. Smokers should be left alone to harm their bodies in peace, unless they're being asses, in
which case you should tell them to stop being asses. What about that is so difficult? It's called common sense; I think
we all wish the University would use more of it.

-Sam Goldman, Press alumnus

Dearest Sam,

Why don’t you come visit? We miss you.


There’s that word again...”heavy.”

Compiled By Caroline D’Agati, Elizabeth Kaplan, Alex Nagler, Berta Rezik and Joseph Rios
SBU Loses $300K in Stock “I think I vocalized what a lot of people were thinking.” Murphy had threatened to kill himself. Murphy, as described
In September, Connecticut-based hedge fund Amaranth Ross took this comment rather lightheartedly, laughing it off by family and friends, had been particularly downcast the past
Advisors lost a whopping $6.4 billion after an unsuccessful but admitting that it was offensive. She did receive a phone call couple of days.
energy bet. The private Stony Brook Foundation had initially of apology from the Independent Man himself soon after- He apparently left the car and went into the house and got a
invested $4 million in the fund and ended up losing $300,000 wards. Apparently, DePetro had this coming. Earlier, in July, rifle. His nineteen-year-old ex-girlfriend, whom the Suffolk
as a result of the Amaranth bug. Stony Brook’s investments he used an anti-homosexual slur towards Matt Amorello, the County Homicide Bureau declined to name, attempted to flee
total $109 million, which means the amount was less than a former chairman of the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority. As in her friend’s car. She reached the door and was able to enter
third of a percent of the portfolio, but it is still a significant loss. a result, he was suspended and returned on the grounds that if before Murphy began firing. However, both she and her friend
Other Long Island universities, such as Hofstra and Adelphi, were to say such a thing again, he would be dealt with harshly. were shot several times, herself fatally so. Her friend was
may have been affected by the loss, but they are not required The vice president of AM programming says, “I have no doubt brought to Huntington Hospital in stable condition.
to report this information as state universities are. that terminating John’s employment was the right action to After firing at the women in the car, Murphy shot himself in
take.” the driveway, where he was later found by police who arrived
Nature: 1, Planes: 0 on the scene.
Federal investigators from the National Transportation Cell Phone Stops Bullet, Saves Trucker
Safety Board announced on Friday, as part of a preliminary In the 1990s, rumors traveled concerning cell phones giving Requiem Aeternam Dona Eis, YouTube
report, that the October 11th plane crash which killed Corey users brain tumors, with no data backing them up. Now there YouTube, which was recently purchased by Google for
Lidle might have been partially caused by light wind. The New is a story from Texas about a man who was not harmed but $1.65 billion dollars, has begun a purge. Two weeks ago,
York Yankees pitcher died in the crash, along with his instruc- who was, in fact, saved by a cell phone. Willie Ray Goree, a YouTube quietly took down 30,000 clips from Japanese
tor Tyler Stanger, as they were making an aerial tour of New 50-year-old truck driver, stopped outside of the Houston, Texas shows, citing copyright infringement. This week, a greater
York City last month. While the report has not specifically area to eat before heading home to Dallas. Goree was on his purge has begun. In a deal with Viacom, YouTube has begun
identified the cause of the crash, numerous facts point to pilot cell phone next to his truck when two shots rang out, one of slowly removing clips that are property of Comedy Central.
error. The report stated that due the plane’s position over the which went through his phone, slowing it down before it hit his Slowly but surely, South Park, The Daily Show, and The
East River, it would have been almost impossible to complete ear and neck. Goree was not seriously injured as a result. Colbert Report will disappear from YouTube, as they are all
the attempted U-turn. The investigators have also determined While Goree did not see the shooter, others did, moments intellectual copyrights and property of Comedy Central.
that there was no sign of engine trouble or fire before the sin- later. The police picked up Feofaakia Hafoka, a homeless man The death of YouTube is a depressing one. What was once
gle engine plane crashed into a high-rise on the East Side of who is a legal immigrant from the South Pacific. The police the beacon of free media on the Internet has been corporatized
Manhattan. have charged him with aggravated assault, but as of yet they by a company whose motto is “Don’t Be Evil.” This is not the
Immediately after the crash, New York City was thrown have no motive for the shooting. first time that YouTube has bowed to corporate ownership, as
into momentary chaos, fearing that the crash might have been “You don’t expect [this],” Goree said in an interview with NBC Universal has quickly had clips removed for the past
terrorism-related, a theory that was disproved hours after the WFAA Dallas/Ft. Worth TV. “You’re getting out of your truck year. Video of Stephen Colbert’s White House
crash. After the accident, the FAA announced a temporary rule in broad daylight and somebody just go to firing on you.” Correspondents’ Dinner was ordered by C-SPAN (of all net-
change, making it so that small planes like Lidle’s must main- Goree stated that he thanks his cell phone and God for saving works) to be taken down. By bending to corporations,
tain contact with air traffic controllers in order to fly over the his life, saying, “I pray a lot before I get on the road to travel.” YouTube has shown itself to be susceptible to private interests.
East River. While you can still see plenty of clips of idiots setting them-
21-Year-Old Northport Resident Shoots Ex- selves on fire or chugging Diet Coke then eating Mentos, The
“Tell the Fat Lesbian to Shut Up” Girlfriend and Himself Word will be short-lived. In the September 2005 edition of
With these words, radio host John DePetro, of WRKO-AM, William Murphy, a graduate of Northport High School, Wired, Jon Stewart stated his view on the controversy. It’s a fit-
was fired on the following day: Friday, October 26th. This opened fire on his ex-girlfriend and her friend before shooting ting quotation, as it summarizes the view of the artist on this
statement was in reference to the weight and sexual orientation himself late last Thursday night (November 2nd). The two issue:
of the openly gay Green-Rainbow Party candidate, Grace women were shot while trying to escape Mr. Murphy, who had “We get an opportunity to produce this stuff because they
Ross, who is running for governor of Massachusetts. DePetro, exited his home on 22 Ripley Drive with a rifle. make enough money selling beer that it’s worth their while to
known as the “Independent Man,” was quoted as spouting off In an account given by neighbors and the wounded friend, do it. I mean, we know that’s the game. I’m not suggesting
these words after becoming annoyed at the lengthy debate held the three were driving back to the perpetrator’s home to we’re going to beam it out to the heavens, man, and whoever
earlier in the week. On air he said that he wished someone retrieve some items his ex-girlfriend had left there. During the gets it, great. If they’re not making their money, we ain’t doing
would “tell the fat lesbian to shut up.” DePetro’s defense was evening, the two had been involved in an altercation, in which our show.”

Election Results Show Dismal Voting Turnout

By Rebecca Kleinhaut Undergraduate Senate. The winners were meeting, the surplus that usually accumulates the elections and make their decisions based
___________ Joseph Antonelli, Eric Connor, Thomas in their budget is rarely used. Although the on what the students want. Of course, it makes
Lombardo, and Jillana Vincent. Antonelli and majority of voters (out of an impressive pool things a little more difficult when less than
If you didn’t realize that there were USG Vincent are both members of the Reform of seven hundred thirty-nine) were for this 4,000 total votes are cast.
elections last week, know that you are not Party. Also, Anwer Adeel was voted reduction, it did not receive two thirds of the All referendums, with the exception of the
alone. Less than ten percent of the student Freshman Class Representative. vote. This is required when less than ten per- Student Activity Fee reduction, passed. The
body cast their vote during the October 24-28 Another highly anticipated vote was for the cent of the student body casts a vote. remaining amendments concerned the follow-
USG senator and referendum elections on referendum concerning a reduction in the Voters should note that their votes do not ing: clarifying how a bill becomes a law, mak-
SOLAR. Student Activity Fee. This move was pushed count towards finalizing any legislation on the ing all undergraduate students members of the
Six hundred sixty-nine votes were cast in by the Reform Party, since, as Senator ballot but merely serve as an advisory. This USG, and allowing the President of the USG
the race for the four empty spots in the Romano pointed out in the October 24 Senate means that the USG can study the results of to nominate members of the Judiciary.
When this baby hits 88mph, you’re gonna see some serious shit
R e c e n t Congress Fires Iraq Auditor, Whoa
By Alex Walsh to last beyond its now-set expiration date Still, Democrats say that his firing was
___________ of October 1, 2007. In fact, the same bill politically motivated and handed down
that set that date also expanded the pool of from the Bush administration. Bowen had

A clause buried in a military spending money it could investigate. This expan- repeatedly embarrassed the administration
bill passed by Congress and signed by the sion was expected to guarantee work for by exposing corporate plunder and inepti-
President two weeks ago has recently the auditors well into 2008, at the very tude in Iraq, such as the disappearance of
come to light. The provision, which has least. Under the new timetable, Bowen’s 14,000 weapons intended for the Iraqi

surprised a number of Senators and agency will have to start delegating its government, and was very friendly with
Representatives, terminates the Office of responsibilities to other agencies by early the news media. According to Bowen,
the Special Inspector General for Iraq next year. publicity is essential to deter other con-
Reconstruction. This office, headed by tractors from corruption, but some off i-
Continued from page 3 Stuart Bowen, has been investigating cor- cials still accused him of grandstanding.
ruption, bribery, and misuse of funds by Other members of Congress seem clue-
ices available to them from the school, civilian contractors in Iraq — including less as to the motive for this move.
mentioning counseling from the Halliburton and Parsons — since January Senator John Warner (R-NY) said “much
University and the Wo/Men’s Gender 2004. remains to be done” by the auditors. Josh
Resource Center. The termination of the auditor’s office Holly, a committee spokesman and aide to
Baigent’s message states, “Complaints was inserted by staffers working for Representative Duncan, said that politics
such as these serve as a reminder that stu- Congressman Duncan Hunter (R-CA), a played no role in the decision.
dents should exercise caution.” Little member of the bill’s conference commit- The work of the auditor’s office could
echoed this theme, saying “Don’t put tee, which was supposed to reconcile dif- be taken over by the Pentagon and other
ferences between the versions of the bill government agencies, but these groups
“We want to catch the bad passed by the House and the Senate. have been criticized in the past for not
Those involved in the committee agree having extensive enough networks of
guys, but our top priority that the clause was not in either previous Stuart Bowen
The box of wires and lights
auditors in Iraq. Last year, the Pentagon’s
is to help and protect version of the bill. Senator Susan Collins inspector general admitted that he had no
(R-ME), the chair of the Senate The inclusion of the termination date agents on the ground in the country.
the victims” Committee on Homeland Security and was passed over the objections of Supporters of Mr. Bowen’s agency say
Doug Little Government A ffairs, said its inclusion in Democrats in the conference committee, they will fight to have his work reinstated,
Deputy Chief of University Police the final bill was “truly a mystery.” but opposition in the full Congress has but if they are not successful, the
Bowen’s office was always intended to come from both parties. This is partly Pentagon will have to step up to expand
be temporary but was generally expected because Bowen himself is a Republican. its operations.
yourself in a position to be a victim.” He
also cautioned students to drink responsi-

Cruising on the ‘stache of Chaplin

bly, as most crimes in the nation — not
just on college campuses — occur when
either the perpetrator or victim is under
the influence of drugs or alcohol, and he
urged students to make sure they knew By Kotei Aoki MGM made by artists to an MGM for
people before trusting them. “We trust too ___________ the artists.
easily,” he said, “but you have to think MGM was, in fact, purchased by a
about your own safety to some extent…. How many of you know of the busi- few media giants and equity firms in
Have an awareness of your surroundings.” ness between Paramount Pictures and 2004. Those companies own MGM
Sexual assault is widely under-reported in Tom Cruise? Well, there is none, not fi n a n c i a l l y. However, its logo will still
the United States. To report an incident to any longer. On August 22, 2006, he was appear in its new films, such as the new
the University Police, call 911 from any cut loose. Since then, Cruise has been a Bond movie Casino Royale. In case you
campus phone or (631) 632-3333 from relatively good boy for the past two are not sure about MGM’s logo, it is the
any non-campus phone. months (must have been in rehab or one with a big “kitten” — a male lion
something). However, all of a sudden, — sticking his head out of a golden cir-
he is back on a mission. The CEO of cle on a black background and growling
M e t r o - G o l d w y n - M a y e r, the company two or three times before the beginning
EDITOR’S NOTE formed by Charles Chaplin and other of the movie intro. Cute one, isn’t it?
legendary stars, reported that it is part- Randall Stevens By the way, MGM produced the James
nering with Tom Cruise to revive the Does this even need a caption? Pshh, jackass. Bond series, dozens of award-winning
once-famed movie studio. films, and its movies have featured
-I noticed that your MGM, he still has a right to appear in
In this deal, Tom Cruise will be shar- films produced by other studios. award-winning actors/actresses. “Oh
band is on the roster for ing “substantial ownership” of the stu- yeah, those movies!” Is that what
The resurrected MGM aims to devel-
dance auditions after dio with his former agent Paula Wa g n e r. op a business model and attract other you’re thinking? I know, you like
school today. Why even As you might guess, MGM has not pro- stars to partner with it. The new MGM MGM.
bother, McFly? You don't duced major films recently. The latest will focus on setting up a talent-friend- The public reactions vary, from one
stand a chance, you’re movie in which it was involved was ly environment. With their control over extreme to another. One side says that
too much like your old Capote, released last year. It just helped MGM, Cruise and Wagner will produce C r u i s e ’s erratic behaviors show the
produce the movie. about four films a year with moderate public more human angles. Besides,
man. No McFly ever
Exactly what Cruise and Wa g n e r budgets. In other words, it will not pre- according to some analysts, Cruise’s
amounted to anything in acquired from this deal is not known. tend to be a studio giant like its com- firing of his publicist might have trig-
the history of Hill Valley. H o w e v e r, reportedly Wagner will take p e t i t o r, Warner Bros. But it will defi- gered his strange behaviors. The other
the seat as CEO, and Cruise will appear nitely be artist-centered, as it had been side says that he will not recover the
-Yeah, well history’s in MGM’s future films. Also, they will when it was founded. It is taking back respect of his audience and the glow as
gonna change. have full control of the studio, which its slogan, “Ars Gratia Artis,” meaning a superstar that he used to have, what-
plays a creative part in productions. “Art for A r t ’s Sake.” The hope is that ever he might achieve. I will just sigh at
Although Cruise is partnering with Cruise and Wagner will revive the him.
Looking for some good eats in Chinatown?!? [AA]2 AA E-ZINE PHOTO CONTEST
By Mai Luong comes down to the food. Unlike many other ancient cash register with such swift effi-
kitchens, the chefs there actually know how ciency that you can drop in and be out with
ry some Cantonese cuisine at Hop to cook. The fried spring chicken is sweet, 2 dozen buns before your ride even gets to GORGEOUS PHOTOS OF THE

T Kee Restaurant
on Mott Street.
I’m obviously not a
white and so tender
with crispy lightly-
browned skin, NOTH-
circle the block.
You can usually count on fresh hot
buns and fast service but beware going

connoisseur of ING like the evil there during the day on the weekends. Busy,
Chinese food, but hav- heart-attack-causing busy, busy is the only way to describe this
ing eaten at this place fried-chicken counter- place at the time, really horrendous if you
for literally twenty parts that you get at wanted to get a quick bun or six-pack of hot
years (my mother ate local Chinese restau- shu mai (dumpling type thing filled with
there when I was just a rants. The crabs can be shrimp, beef, etc). Their stashes are cleaned
fetus) and having tried awesome depending out every five minutes by a constantly-pil-
many other places in on the season – the ing-in, multitude of tiny Asian ladies
Chinatown, Queens, sauce is always good yakking away in Cantonese, Mandarin, or
and New Jersey, this is whether it is (mostly) Tagalog, while they pick up 3-4
the best restaurant for Cantonese style or dozen boxes of the buns at a time. That’s
Chinese food bar black bean, it’s just the the downside, but at $0.60 a bun and $1.10
none. Just to be fair, matter of how much per cup of joe, it’s still a pretty sweet deal.
some people say that meat is on the crab. Happy eating!
Hop Kee was better Over the years I’ve Hop Kee Restaurant Angeline Seah
many years ago during tried almost every- 21 Mott St (Cross Street: Mosco Street)
its heyday and the thing in the menu New York, NY 10013-5032 ARCHITECTURE, EVENTS,
food is not as great as it used to be, but I say (which hasn’t changed in ages) and mostly (212) 964-8365 ANYTHING HOT!
that those people probably went there on an everything thus far can be put somewhere Directions: 6; J, M, Z; N, Q, R, W at Canal. Dragonflies on Lotus, Lovers,
off day and Hop Kee is still great. If you on a scale from good to drooling-when- Chinatown Ice Cream Factory Shadows and Light
don’t believe me, maybe you will believe you-think-about-it excellent, in terms of Store Hours: The 2007 Photo Tribute Planner of the
others: taste, texture, serving amount, etc. Sun-Sat: 11:00am - 10pm or 11pm Wang Center goes to print in
h t t p : / / b r o o k l y n . c i t y s e a r c h . c o m / p r o- I would especially recommend the fried (Depending on weather.) Mid-November
file/7113499/new_york_ny/hop_kee_restau spring chicken, Peking-style pork chops (a 65 Bayard Street.
rant.html must), pan-fried noodles (any variation), New York, NY 10013 Only one photo per person
In terms of design and décor, Hop Kee Cantonese-style snails (slightly spicy), pan- Phone: (212) 608-4170 will be chosen.
definitely does not get a thumbs-up. It’s a fried flounder, and sautéed watercress or Store Location:
basement level restaurant with regular bok choy. This place can be a bit pricey for Bayard Street is located one block south of PH Tuan, Wang Center architect, will
round wooden tables and chairs – no a college student (dinner dishes can be any- Canal Street. The Two Cross streets are autograph winning entries.
designs, just sturdy and practical, cushioned where from $7-$14 dollars), but I’ve always Elizabeth St. and Mott St. High quality digital only please! Black
booths along the walls, a few mirrored gone in large groups (7-12 persons) and we Mei Lai Wah Coffee House & white or color
walls, no decorations (don’t know if this only spend about $90-$120 with tax and tip, Neighborhood: Manhattan/Civic Center
has changed lately). It’s usually over- each having eaten more than his/her fair 64 Bayard St Send to aaezine @
crowded and cramped, so you might want share and with extra to take home. New York, NY 10013
to get there early if you want to have dinner, For desert, head on up to Bayard (212) 925-5435
otherwise you’ll have to take a number. But Street (literally just up the block and around
it’s homey and family oriented, you’ll see
whole extended families from ancient
the corner from Hop Kee) for authentic
home-made ice cream at the original
Asian Night 2006 Preview
great-grandpas down to babies or large Chinatown Ice Cream Factory, not Nolita’s By Angeline Seah will all also be involved in a variety of per-
groups of friends/co-workers sharing multi- on Mulberry Street. Here you’ll find high formances.
ple dishes at crowded round tables. quality ice cream and sorbet in fifty + fla- t’s that time again! Asian Night 2006 is Furthermore, the members of Asian
The waiters are very attentive and
ready to take your order even before you’ve
made up your mind, though they’re also a
vors including some tropical treats like
lychee, durian, and papaya which you prob-
ably won’t find at your local Baskin
I fast approaching. Slated to begin at
7:30pm in the SAC Auditorium on
Friday, November 17, Asian Night is pre-
Students’ Alliance are breaking away from
the comedic approach of raising Asian
American issues and have invited a special
bit rushy when there are long lines of hun- Robbins or Haagen-Daaz. They also have dicted to be another successful sold out group to give a more real, educational, and
gry people. They don’t offer a great selec- the traditional flavors like chocolate, vanil- show. personal face to those
tion of drinks, usually just canned soda (no la and strawberry. This stuff is smooth and This year’s Asian issues. Ill-Literacy is the
more Sunkist L). There’s plenty of weak tea creamy, with a pure flavor unlike the adul- Night promises to be a lit- name of the group that
and water served as soon as you sit down. terated watered-down versions you find at tle different from the last has been serving music,
The table settings are bare, no tablecloth or other stores. The makers have a knack for several shows. New tal- poetry, and spoken word
lazy susan, just the cups, utensils, etc. and taking the essence of whatever fruit or veg- ents, guests, and perform- in a unique way since
the plates are small, but that doesn’t matter etable and making it into sweet, cold ers will be lighting up the 2002 in order to address
because the servings are ample in compari- delight, well worth $3.00 a scoop. (Just stage and bringing all dif- social and personal
son (you’ll end up refilling your plate at close you eyes and savor it, don’t think ferent cultural and mod- issues that college stu-
least three times) and served very quickly. about the cost if you’re a broke college stu- ern Asian American dents may be experienc-
When I usually go out to eat I’ve timed how dent like me). issues to the attention of ing. For more informa-
long it takes for an order to come in once A visit to Chinatown is not complete all those in the audience. tion, visit their website at
it’s been placed, and it usually arrives any- without getting at least half a dozen of the Asian Night will showcase both traditional
where from twenty minutes to even an hour white fluffy steamed pork buns (cha shao and modern dances, fashions, and music. As for the college student based per-
after we ordered, depending on the restau- pao) or the baked-brown pork buns (cha siu However, this is no longer limited to formances, practices have been taking place
rant. During a Hop Kee rush hour (dinner bao) to go with your lunch or breakfast cof- the stereotypical “asian” influences of since late September. As the performances
time: 7-10) when the place is filled past the fee the next day. So finish off the night by Eastern Asia but will include, for the sec- come together and the countdown to
max capacity, the longest I’ve waited was getting a box of cha shao pao or cha siu bao ond year in a row, the well known dance November 17 continues, the anticipation
25 minutes and the shortest time was five right across the street at Mei Lai Wah troupe Thillana to represent the Southeast keeps on building. Come and enjoy this
minutes. Coffeehouse. This small hot spot for break- Asian culture. PUSO, KSA, VSA, and other wonderful show. Who knows? You just may
The décor, drinks, crowded eating fast and lunch, is manned by funny ancient Asian oriented organizations from campus learn something too.
area, all of it doesn’t really matter once it grandpas who ring up orders on an equally Wanted! Writers, photographers, and Weekly meetings Fridays 5:30PM at our excerpts in SB Press Vol 3 No 5 November 2006 all students interested in media. office in Student Union 071.
Say “hi” to your mom for me.
Breaking away
from tobacco
By Leeza Menon I sat down with the club’s presi-
___________ dent, Annie Shek, to find out a little
bit more about the club she founded.
O k a y, so we’ve all seen the televi- Annie, a sophomore and RA in the
sion ads where a colossal heap of Langmuir residence hall, has been
body bags are piled out into the street devoted to promoting awareness of
in front of a major tobacco compa- tobacco companies’ attempts to targ e t
n y ’s h eadquarters. The placards women, minorities and young people.
being held by the young volunteers As a teen health educato r, she
read: “Every day 1200 people die received a substantial financial grant
from tobacco.” The ad was produced while still in high school to make an
by, and even though it extensive tobacco research binder.
may not run on television as often as She says that one of the key things
it used to, it is still up on Yo u Tu b e her group stresses in presentations is
for anyone who wants to watch it. how tobacco companies slant their
Extreme marketing campaigns such advertising to aim for vulnerable tar-
as this one are used by gets such as children (in delis, ciga-
to warn young people about the rette cartons are often stocked on top
already well-known dangers of ciga- of ice cream bins) and college stu- deaths are increasing, both through nothing else, you may get good com-
rettes and the “evil” tactics tobacco dents (many tobacco companies come binge drinking and drunk driving. munication and presentation skills,
companies use to lure young people to fraternities, usually with a beauti- Annie responded by saying that which Annie says are taught during
into purchasing their products. Now ful female spokeswoman, to sponsor tobacco has always been a closer this “learning experience.” If you
Stony Brook University has its own parties where they end up giving issue to her, especially after all the suppo rt the memb ers’ p o s i t i o n ,
answer to in the young away free packs of cigarettes). research she has put into it. T h e you’ve found the perfect forum in
batch of tobacco company adver- Therefore, the fraternities and sorori- B . A . T. president obviously is a big which to meet like-minded people
saries that form B.A.T. (Breaking ties that align with B.A.T. generally supporter of the commercials that and create awareness about tobacco
Away from Tobacco). make a pledge not to accept any produces. She loves c o m p a n i e s ’ practices. If you dis-
B . A . T. is the first anti-tobacco tobacco funding. them, saying “[T]hey are so creative agree with them, the club will pro-
group on Long Island. It was off i- Annie obviously thinks the new in 30 seconds,” and only hopes that vide a provocative topic for thought
cially started in the spring semester campus smoking policy is a great her club can “...reach its audience and discussion.
of 2006. Less than a year old, B.A.T idea because she has always been dis- like that in 30 minutes.” If you want to become a part of
is already grabbing a significant gusted by the “involuntary inhala- N o w, after witnessing the outrage B . A . T., weekly meetings are every
amount of attention, not only through tion” that comes with secondhand over the new smoking policy, it is Thursday night from 7:00 to 8:30 pm
collaborations with fraternities and smoke. She denies any close person- inevitable that B.A.T. will encounter in SAC 305. New members and peo-
sororities and presentations in resi- al reason for getting involved with so me criticism. Ho wever, in ple who just want to take in a meet-
dence halls, but also with members’ the fight against tobacco companies response to the club’s critics, its ing are welcome to come, and there
signature t-shirts with the “I Heart and cites the major motivation to be president assures them that many are open houses once a semester.
Smoke-Free Stony Brook” sign on the impact that smoking has on the people misinterpret what it does and B . A . T ’s up co ming events include
the front and the club’s bat logo on environment and on those who says. “We don’t hate smokers; we’re presentations at Langmuir and other
the back. However, in order to get endure secondhand smoke. I asked purely against tobacco companies.” residence halls, as well as the pro-
hold of one of these snazzy fashion her about why she was choosing to No matter what your personal duction of both a documentary and
items, you have to actually be a club battle tobacco rather than alcohol, stance on the tobacco issue, it does- m o c k u m e n t a r y. It is also gearing up
m e m b e r. The club itself currently which presents an even greater short- n ’t hurt to listen to what this Stony for GASO, the Great A m e r i c a n
has around 20 “committed” members. term risk for students; alcohol related Brook organization has to say. If Smoke-Out, on November 16th.
Non-Psychotic Man Doesn’t Kill School Bus Full of
Children, Community Not Outraged
A Satire by Joey Safdia her literally to death, beating her all the
___________ while,” Tapman would have said, had
there actually been a crime. “The whole
Last week, a local community did not time, every time someone moved, the
pay its respects to 35 innocent school- rapist would aim the gun at them and say
children whose lives weren’t brought to an something, probably telling them not to
early end during the final days of October. move — yeah, that’s my guess. Sick. I just
On October 27th, 29-year-old Frank c a n ’t believe this. It was simply sick and
Smith, who doesn’t suffer from schizo- disgusting. The only thing she was doing
phrenia, pyromania, and violent outbursts, was her job, caring for those poor kids.”
wasn’t driving in his hometown of Port “He probably chose that girl first
Jefferson when he didn’t stop for a school because she was incredibly beautiful,” he
bus as it dropped a female elementary d i d n ’t add. “Such beauty. What a waste.”
school student off at her house. Having not Afterwards, Smith did not force Greene
taken his medication for the mental dis- to the ground, put the shotgun inside her
eases he does not have, Smith was not sud- mouth, and pull the trigger. It was also
denly overwhelmed with the terrible urge reported to this paper that Smith did not
to “burn every living being in sight,” as begin convulsing and speaking in tongues.
police statements do not show. Local residents at the scene did not
From there, chaos did not ensue. describe the rather lackluster events that
After not pulling out a shotgun that, as d i d n ’t follow, in which Smith didn’t lock
police reports fail to claim, was not kept the children inside and throw a lighter into
under the driver’s seat of his Toyota the gas tank of the still-running bus. Had
Camry, Smith did not open fire on the any of that actually happened, the loss of
child and her parents, resulting in the lack life would have been staggering.
of gaping bullet holes in the chest of the Residents watched in apathy, some
mother, Martha Seder, 38, a wounded staggering back into their homes to watch
abdomen in her husband, 43-year-old John reruns of Star Trek: The Next Generation,
Seder, and the near-disintegration of the as no school bus in Port Jefferson was con-
upper half of their 6-year-old daughter, sumed by the terrible blaze, horribly burn-
Sally. Afterwards, Smith reportedly did ing to death all the young schoolchildren
not force his way onto the school bus full who were trapped inside. That number is
of 34 screaming children, not opening fire expected by local police to be a stagger-
on the bus driver, George “Where’s Da ingly high zero.
Beef?” Anderson. “I need you!” Captain Jean-Luc Picard
“Mr. Anderson, welcome back. We was quoted as saying to Q on the famous
missed you,” Smith did not say, according Star Trek episode “Q Who,” in which Q
to eyewitnesses who weren’t there. Police first introduces humanity to the Borg.
are at a loss to explain why he wouldn’t The community is still not reeling from
say this. this yet-to-occur crime and is not expected
Now not on the bus alone with the to do so in the near future.
remaining 34 children and their two col- “My God, why? Why? Why did that
lege-aged supervisors, 18-year-old Alyssa monster have to take my baby? Oh, my
Johnson and 19-year-old Sarah Greene, sweet little Candice, my baby, why did Randall Stevens
Smith did not fire four shots at the occu- that monster have to take my baby away Aww, wouldn’t Charlton Heston be proud?
pants. When not questioned later, Smith from me?” wailed Nancy Cunnigan, who
petent. And this idea for a satire is ridicu- sage, the group claims, is one of peace,
did not refer to his heinous, non-existent had to be consoled by her husband, Jack,
lous. I’m not kidding. Dude, this is the and it also protests the murder of innocent
crime as being “like shooting fish in a bar- and her 9-year-old daughter, Candice. “I
worse satire I’ve ever heard of. It’s not children.
rel”. wish I could hold my daughter, Candice,
even funny. All you’re doing is taking a “Fuck Bush and fuck the Iraq War!”
After not leaving three males (ages 8, in my arms. Just one last time.”
violent crime that you made up in your yelled Josh Peterman, 21, leader of the
10, and 11) and one 7-year-old female “You just don’t see that sort of thing
sick head and telling me that it did not nameless anti-Bush group. “He wants to
lying on the floor of the bus, not dying in happen in Port Jeff. Luckily, it still hasn’t
happen. Whoop-de-fucking-do, dick- make money for all his little oil buddies,
a pool of their own blood and intact bones, happened,” said Maurice, the owner of a
head.” so what does he do? He bombs innocent
he did not press the muzzle against local clothing store moments after not
Unable to contain his fury over the people in Iraq and then tells us that we’re
Johnson’s head and forcibly rape her to learning about the horrible crime. One of
deaths that hadn’t occurred yet, the student ‘liberating’ them like we’re too fucking
death. his cashiers added, “I feel so sorry for all
added, “By the way, tell that douchebag stupid to recognize genocide when we see
Bill Tapman, a 53-year-old business- those completely healthy children who
David K. Ginn that I fucked his mom last it. First he works with al-Qaeda to bring
man who lives on the street in which the w e r e n ’t killed.”
night. Oh yeah!” down the World Trade Center, and now
terrible crime did not take place, did not “What? What the fuck are you talking
Smith was not arrested at the scene by this?
see what happened through his living about? There was no mass murder of kids
local police and is currently not awaiting “He’s the President of the United States,
room window as he did not frantically call at all this October. Who are you people?”
trial for rape, arson, possession of an ille- for God’s sake. He should be setting an
911. asked another devastated and grief-strick-
gal firearm, jaywalking, littering, and mul- example for the mindless sheep that inhab-
“My God … oh sweet Jesus, it was hor- en resident — a Stony Brook University
tiple accounts of first-degree murder and it this nation, and what does he do? He
rible. That poor young girl, she must have student — in a conversation with reporters
endangering the welfare of a child. rains fire down on innocent little kids,”
had so much going for her. She was just that did not take place. “The Press?
Days after no terrible crime took place, added Peterman. “I mean, someone might
entering the best years of her life when this They’re not even a real fucking newspa-
an activist group was formed on the near- look at this, go all schizophrenic and shit,
madman breaks onto the bus and holds her per. All they do is make stupid joke arti-
by Stony Brook campus that was deter- and then like burn an entire school bus full
at gunpoint and forces her to take off all cles and they’re so completely biased.
mined to get its message out. The mes- of children. Or not.”
her clothes, and then the sick bastard rapes Their editorial staff is completely incom-
By Shaun Bennett
Talking About My Generation
called Intelligent Design now, shit by any more of a style than anything else when counterstrike rears its head. It’s a tragedy
___________ other name still smells like shit) in public closely examined, anyway. The whole that discourages freedom of thought, or
schools. The 2000 election presented the angry punk-rock grunge revolt we had expression, and confines us to our des-
Something is very wrong with this American public with the perfect opportu- going in the ‘90s has been trademarked, tined unremarkable lives. There are peo-
country. OK, a great many things are very nity to ask for change. We had a botched patented, and mass-produced by stores ple who proclaim they are progressive but
wrong with this country. We have con- election, which was eventually stolen like Hot Topic. So, in effect, Big Business fail to keep an open mind. I think an open
formed. Our generation has collectively from the majority of voters (Al Gore won is calling the shots in every aspect of our mind is the exact thing we lack, the main
brought itself to the brink of obsoleteness. the popular vote), and was decided by a lives. From our government to our “free problem.
According to several articles and polls in panel (the Supreme Court) that was in thinkers”, we are trapped by The Man. We may have come a long way in sex-
such notable publications as Time l a rge part appointed by one of the con- Our commitment to orthodoxy can be ual liberation and the use of drugs, but
Magazine and USA Today our generation tender’s fathers, and his friends. What observed during even menial parts of the we’ve also simply kept the norms that
is actually more conservative than the one were adapted by generations before us.
that came before. A beacon of progress, The media has adapted a much more sex-
hope, and liberation was lit by those brave ually liberated atmosphere, especially
enough to stand their ground in the 60s with the rise of the “sex sells” mindset. I
and 70s, a beacon that has been continu- think we’ve lost the real concept of free
ously dimmed since then. Are we the ones love. We’ve, of course, turned sexual lib-
destined to douse it entirely? Are you eration into a numbers game. It’s become
willing to be satisfied living your days in competition for the guys over their manli-
what can be considered a “transition” gen- ness and a dirty secret for the girls who
eration? I, for one, am completely dis- fear the scarlet letter. It’s not all about
heartened by the fact that my peers will be getting off, either. The concept of free
the ones to tell their children — or their love was about acceptance, progress, and,
grandchildren — not to rebel in the years well, love. Fast forward to today, where
to come. you find those who still feel women
Why, you ask, are we so non-controver- should stay in the home, or that a different
sial? We certainly have no reason for our skin tone mean a different class. It’s a
lack of outrage. All the pieces for a revo- pathetic reflection on our society’s values.
lutionary play are in line. We have an Maybe a large part of the problem is
unjust war, where over two thousand of “The American Dream” young genera-
our own soldiers have already died. Two tions are so fixated on. With the one burn-
thousand dead and still we are denied ing desire of most individuals to get rich
valid reasons for our occupation. There is and self indulge. Apparently, we can’t be
a civil rights movement taking place, bothered to pay attention, or to shake up
homosexuals losing their battle for mar- the system. Nothing is permitted to inter-
riage, and thus equality, in nearly every fere with profit. We’re so driven to work
state in the Union. An inept government hard, get a job, a big house and a big gas-
in power, using fear mongering tactics guzzling car that we’ve neglected our
rivaled only by those brought on in the commitment to help those who have less.
Cold War. There are pressing, immediate With this we leave the status quo static,
environmental concerns whose conse- Randall Stevens
and our society more concerned with cash
quences we have only begun to experience Where are Jenny and Forrest? than lives. Regardless of the cause of our
(Katrina, tsunamis, severely irregular tem- current state, I have faith that things will
perature patterns). The gap between the happened? Nothing. So why is no one day. At a food court with friends it’s change. Liberalization is a force that his-
rich and the poor is growing, especially pissed? almost guaranteed that someone will tory has demonstrated to be unstoppable.
after ridiculous tax cuts enforced by the Even the non-conformity of our time strike up a negative conversation about As hard as we try to turn back the clock,
Bush administration. Education has lacks rebellion. For one, the anti-estab- what someone is wearing, or how some- the hands will not move anywhere but for-
become more expensive and less accessi- lishment trend of today is to wear black. one is acting. We so strictly adhere to ward. Generations after us will pick up
ble to those who need it the most. The Bright or even earthy colors were used to assenting that we have the audacity to where ones before us left off. Our gener-
lines between state and church are being rebel against the conformed, bland, plain- force it on others. I can’t grasp how dif- ation was skipped: a flat, brief plane on
blurred right before our eyes. People have Jane of yesteryear. So by black being our ferent must equal frightening, or how it the chart that keeps increasing. As a firm
actually resorted back to discussing the rebellion, are we rebelling against the leads to apprehension. One offense to this idealist, however, I’m confident we can
teaching of Creationism (I don’t care if it’s rebellion? The revolution of today is generation’s conventional values and the someday see the error of our ways.

Are you an http://Alleged.Leftist ?

Come to, supposedly, The Stony Brook Press1.
According to “rumors,” meetings are purported to be at 1:00pm, or thereabouts, on, what sources say, are
Wednesdays in, as I have been told, the Union2, in what unconfirmed reports say is Room 060, which is located
in, some imply, the so-called http://union.basement.

1: Which can only be described as an “alleged leftist jamboree”

2: The act of uniting or the state of being united

I have your car towed all the way to your house and all you got for me is light beer?
The Real State of the Union
By Joey Safdia not looking (the latter is quite a stretch, but feel safe. We have come to believe that we can the nature of liberty and the necessity for a bal-
___________ you get my point)? I don’t know much about either live in an America that’s safe from ter- ance between freedom and security, rather
computers, so I could very well be wrong, but rorism or an America where we enjoy our full than holding a discussion on what must be
Crap. ‘Nuff said. with my limited knowledge, I wonder how in range of constitutional rights. Freedom or done to stop terrorism while repairing our rela-
No, seriously. It’s crap right now. I’m not the world they can know that you’ve down- safety. One or the other. Yet, freedom and safe- tions with the Middle East in a peaceful yet
kidding. Something seriously needs to be said loaded a thousand songs on your computer ty aren’t mutually exclusive; they go hand-in- effective manner, our elected officials con-
about the sorry state in which America cur- without either hacking into it or tracking your hand. You cannot have liberty without securi- stantly spew out mindless political rhetoric
rently finds itself. Now, keep in mind that I Internet activities. I would imagine (meaning I ty, and you cannot have security without liber- aimed at destroying their political opponents
love this country. I am, always was, and prob- know) that both of these activities require a ty. How safe is a country where the govern- and scaring the crap out of the American peo-
ably always will be an American citizen, and search warrant, which can only be given by a ment can declare anyone an “enemy combat- ple. They always achieve the latter goal, main-
I will be proud to be so. I love America. judge should there be probable cause to hack ant,” deny them a trial in open criminal court, ly because Americans are jittery as all hell and
However, keep in mind that, in order to truly your computer. How could there possibly be and interrogate them under the United States’ as dumb as a rock.
love something, one must be able to identify probable cause to search your computer? Then new warped version of the Geneva We are pseudo-racists with a major superi-
the faults of that which he or she loves. ority complex, collectively speaking. For the
The idea to write this article came to me “leader of the free world,” the most technolog-
one day at the main entrance of my building. ically advanced nation in the world in the 21st
There, someone posted signs about anti-pira- century, we still hold stereotypes of all types
cy laws, telling all those who are unfortunate that, while funny in the hands of stand-up
enough to see them about how downloading comics, really defy all forms of common
music is the same as stealing, how you could sense. Blacks are all poor, Hispanics loot
land a $250,000 fine and three years in prison everything they see, Muslims are all terrorists.
(or six years, or ten years—whoever made Too many people believe that Islam is an anti-
these flyers wasn’t too concerned about conti- American death cult that has done nothing but
nuity or accuracy), etc. Now, I don’t know convert people by force. They either forget or
how much of that crap is true, but there was don’t know that during the Middle Ages, the
one thing these flyers said that was 100% Islamic world was responsible for many
accurate: “You could get in BIG trouble for advances in medicine, mathematics, and other
what seems like a small crime.” forms of science (progress that had not been
I wondered to myself why, if it is such a seen since the Roman Empire and that would
small crime, you can get into “BIG” trouble not be seen again until the Renaissance in the
for it. Whatever the case, it is true. The RIAA West). At that time, Western Europe, under
exists seemingly to harass otherwise decent, the influence of the Roman Catholic Church,
innocent people for the sole purpose of plung- was a savage and barbaric land controlled by
ing them into financial ruin. I heard a story ruthless secular monarchs who used
about a college student whom the RIAA Christianity as justification for all sorts of
attempted to sue for millions of dollars, deranged acts. Wait, that sounds a lot like the
prompting the student to settle the case for Middle East today, except their ruthless secu-
about $10,000, or something like that, just for lar dictators use Islam as their justification.
downloading music. He lost his entire life sav- As I said, we also have a collective superi-
ings, but earned it back through charitable ority complex. We are extremely ethnocentric
donations from other students who felt sympa- and believe that our way is not only the best
thy for his plight. I don’t know where the way and the right way, but also the only way.
RIAA gets off with such a frivolous lawsuit, We spread democracy throughout the Middle
suing a college student for amounts of money East just as missionaries spread Christianity to
that are absurdly high for a “crime” that the African tribes: against their will. Look, I
shouldn’t warrant anything more than a small believe that a constitutional republic is the
fine, if even that. greatest form of government known to man,
Now, you might argue, “But he stole copy- and I honestly do believe that our form of
righted material without permission! He stole republican government is the best in the world
private property!” Believe me, I am a huge today, but what’s best for the United States
supporter of private property rights, but the Randall Stevens isn’t necessarily best for other countries. If
The Dynamic Duo
discussion of whether downloading music is some people want to live in a totalitarian
really theft goes way, way deeper than that I remembered that, whether or not RIAA Conventions? regime or a communist state, then let them. It’s
statement. Either way, that’s another discus- agents are illegally hacking their way into The philosophical debates of our forefa- not about whether they deserve democracy,
sion for another article. The point is that, very your computer, warrants allowing for govern- thers’time are gone, replaced by partisan bick- it’s about whether they want it. I’m sure if the
often in America, the punishment for some- mental searches and seizures seem to have ering of the most simpleminded nature. Just oppressed people of the Middle East want our
thing trivial is something that should be a pun- faded away with the yo-yo and Pokemon look at campaign ads. “He voted against the form of government, they’ll let us know. We
ishment for something much, much bigger. crazes. PATRIOT Act three times, which gives the are obsessed with bringing our government
$250,000 and three years of jail? Let’s say We live in a United States that is different government the tools it needs to fight terror. and our culture to other lands that just simply
that’s true for a second. I wonder how that from that which our forefathers created. He supports weakening America. He’s out of don’t want to assimilate our culture into their
compares to the penalty for, say, armed rob- Today, things like warrantless wiretaps are not touch with Ohio values.” That is more or less own. They want to enjoy their way of life, so
bery? Or a simple case of vandalism and only tolerated by the general public, they are an excerpt from an actual political campaign why don’t we just let them? Our culture and
destruction of private property, or a mugging, encouraged and often demanded. While ad for an Ohio Republican running for a way of life may not be the best in the world.
or an assault case? I know you don’t get this Bush’s anti-terrorist eavesdropping program Senate seat in the 2006 congressional elec- Theft is quite legal in America. It’s called
sort of penalty for drunk driving, something was recently declared unconstitutional by U.S. tions (it would be better if I actually remem- taxes. Now, I understand that taxation is nec-
that directly puts innocent lives at risk. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor, the fact that bered what the commercial said). So Ohio val- essary for the government to maintain vital
One question I’ve always had is this: how it still has such enormous support from many ues are, what, launching vicious and unwar- services such as police, schools, sanitation,
does the RIAA find out that you’ve down- Americans shows how far down the slippery ranted attacks against your opponent? road maintenance, and national defense. Still,
loaded music onto your hard drive, which is slope we’ve slid. Whereas Americans in the Slander? Is that what Ohio values are? This is what we have today isn’t simply taxation —
only found physically inside your computer? late 18th century placed the highest value on what the people who are supposed to be repre- it’s extortion. If the founding fathers knew
Are they hacking your computer or breaking liberty, people today just don’t care how many senting and protecting us spend all their time
into your room and accessing it while you’re of their civil rights are violated as long as they doing. Rather than holding deep debates about Continued on next page
State of the Union (continued) of affirmative action, name the three branches maybe you should seriously consider not vot-
Continued from previous page Well, at least we won’t let little things like
how bad things would degenerate, they would that ruin our day. No, instead we’ll let gay of government, or remember two First ing. We don’t need Democrats or Republicans
never have rebelled against Britain. Whereas marriage do it. This never ceases to amaze me. Amendment rights. Holy crap, these are the in office; we need competent officials (and
America once took up arms against the British People in this country get more mad about people that choose our elected officials! This they usually aren’t found in the two major par-
crown over a progressive income tax of, I gays marrying each other, actual science (evo- is from an actual study, and it didn’t ask peo- ties). I don’t know what makes people think
believe, 5% of each citizen’s income, today lution, for example) being taught in science ple obscure questions like, “What does it that one party will save America while the
we sit here and ignore the fact that the govern- classrooms, and Hispanic people speaking mean when a congressional committee ‘orders other one will destroy it, but it is a simple-
ment takes about 43% of our yearly income, Spanish than about the government’s constant a bill reported’?” No, it had simple tasks, like minded belief that is absolutely silly. These
including the money we pay in state and city constitutional violations and the nearly com- naming the three branches of government candidates, once elected into office, don’t
taxes. It would be nice if the money at least plete failure to respect and recognize our civil (legislative, executive, and judicial, but hope- have your best interests in mind. They have
went back to us in the form of necessary gov- liberties. We are so afraid and angry about fully you already know that). I learned this in their own party’s best interests in mind, as well
ernment services, but instead it goes to fund Mexicans cutting our grass that we are actual- elementary school! So of course people will as those of the politically-connected lobbyists
wars and other people’s welfare checks. The ly building a giant fence to keep them out. We take more of an interest in gay marriage than and corporations. If you only vote for a candi-
government takes half of my hard-earned should be ashamed for highlighting our xeno- in something that’s actually important. date because they have a “D” or an “R” next
money and uses part of it to kill people in the phobia for all the world to see. I understand to their name, then all you are going to get is a
Middle East before giving the rest to someone that people either approve or disapprove of “D” or an “R”. A dunce or a retard.
something like two guys marrying each other,
...then all you are going to get I think this is about all I can say about the
that didn’t do anything to deserve it? Bullshit,
dude. Of course, it seems we need the higher but how did that become a bigger issue in is a “D” or an “R”. A dunce state of our union right now. We have so many
taxes today. Whereas the two functions of a America today than the Iraq War, the U.S. great things going for this country, but our
properly run government are providing a government’s human rights violations in
or a retard. arrogance and pride blinds us to the problems
national defense against foreign powers and Guantanamo Bay prison, and all the blatant that we as a nation have. I don’t think that all
ensuring protection of the civil liberties and constitutional violations? Thinking isn’t a requirement for homophobia. is lost, though. We have to wake up and real-
private property of its citizens, our govern- Actually, there is an answer for that. People We are so opposed to thinking that we don’t ize that this country is not perfect just because
ment today seems to have a knack for sticking in this country are fucking dumb. They’re even do research on a candidate when we it’s America, and then we have to strive to
its nose into places it doesn’t belong. good people, they really are, but they are as vote. We just look for that one little letter next make it perfect. To quote former President Bill
Government intrusion into our daily lives dumb as a rock (and that’s not giving the rock to their names: “D” or “R”. Democrat or Clinton, “There is nothing wrong with
costs money, and, of course, we have to pay the credit it deserves). 70% of Americans can- Republican. If you vote for a candidate America that cannot be solved with what is
for it. Ironic, isn’t it? not identify the New Deal, explain the basics because he/she is part of your political party, right with America.”

By Kotei Aoki
Special Olympics...Whaaaaaat?
group. We were led outside to meet the “ath- lating her for the rest of the day. headed to the area between the Student Union
___________ letes” of the day. There were already a few Oh, I forgot to mention this. There were six and the Sports Complex. There was a DJ, and
vans in which their agency had brought them games: the Bean Bag Throw, Kick Soccer, there were also tables with other fun games. A
Oh yes, I meant “Special Olympics.” They to the event. All the “athletes” were ecstatic to Bowling, the Tennis Ball Throw, the Frisbee few “athletes” danced for a while. Well, tech-
were held on the third Sunday of October, on play the games prepared for them. Within the Throw, and the 10M/25M Walk. In the Bean nically, I was trying to lead them in dancing. I
the same Sunday the Breast Cancer Walk was group I accompanied, Christopher was so Bag Throw, “athletes” received three bags was never raised with any influence of danc-
held (if you heard of that). People with special happy to see everyone that he kept giving high filled with beans, like Hacky Sack bags, and ing, so I only dance for social reasons. After
needs gathered at Pritchard Gym to play fives and handshakes. Michelle could not hide aimed to throw them within circles drawn on dancing for a few songs, other volunteers in
adapted games designed just for them. I had her excitement and kept rubbing her face. The the ground a few meters away. In Kick Soccer, our group took Michelle, and I took Lori to the
almost forgotten about the event until the Vice group had a few more “athletes” led by two “athletes” aimed to kick the ball within the game tables. They had a variety of games, like
President of the Hillel Foundation for Jewish group leaders, Laura and Joe. goals drawn on the wall. The coloring, and many free giveaways. I was
Life jogged my memory after their meeting For the first half of the circles and goals had deeply moved that there are still many people
discussing Creationism on that Friday. day, I accompanied three sizes each, and the who care about individuals with special needs.
Thinking back on it, an ironic combination of Michelle. points were given After going through all the tables, Lori told
incidents made that Sunday important to me. I was a chaper- with respect to their me she wanted to go to bathroom, so I led her
Doubting that the directors of the Special one for the day. sizes. Bowling to the restroom. Although she kept asking if I
Olympics would accept on-site volunteers The event was everyone’s would stay with her the whole time, I was
who had not signed up prior to the event, I was delayed favorite sport. totally unprepared when she asked me if I
walked down the west half of Circle Road on by an hour. They used a would accompany her into restroom. I was
the chilling morning. On the way, in front of While await- ramp to nudge perplexed, but the code of conduct for a chap-
Cardozo College, I bumped into my friend ing the open- a bowling ball erone says to never abandon the “athlete.” I
who had organized the Breast Cancer Walk. I ing of the cere- (softer and was relieved when I found no one else was in
felt bad about not attending the Walk, but I mony, four of lighter, of there as we walked in. While waiting, a bunch
still only have one body, even if I seem to be our “athletes” course!), and then of people came in. I was half-embarrassed, but
ubiquitous on campus (according to my were chosen to let it roll. The everyone was nice to me. Well, how likely is
friends). At the sign-in table in the Sports relay the torch for the scores were based on it that a man stands in the women’s restroom
Complex, I explained that I had not signed up ceremony. Thinking back the number of pins they and women basically do not mind the man’s
to volunteer, but they still gave me a bag with to it, I am surprised I had the knocked down. Well, you presence? So, all in all, it was an interesting
a t-shirt (luckily, they had my size left) and a chance to accompany the group know about bowling, don’t you? experience. On the way out of the restroom, I
“VOLUNTEER” tag, along with the day’s that would represent the entire 200 to 300 or The Tennis Ball Throw took a deep breath.
schedule. so “athletes.” and the Frisbee Since I had promised it to Lori before head-
So I was signed in with surprising smooth- After being Throw had sim- ing to restroom, I took her to dance again. Lori
ness. handed the torch, ilar objectives. “Athletes” were given three could not follow the steps others were mak-
While sitting on the top row of bleachers, I both Michelle and I held it and started run- chances or so to throw through hoops when ing. However, I just let her swing along to the
was glancing left and right at the rest of the ning. Of course, for the sake of security, the given tennis balls or Frisbees. Last but not music. When I saw how happy she looked, I
volunteers. I was hoping to find some familiar torch was not lit. But the feeling of having least, the Walk also had competitive compo- was convinced that motivating their happiness
faces. As I started to observe the fifteen or so everyone cheering and of representing her nent. It was just like a marathon but was strict- is a blessing to all the volunteers. Have you
athletic girls sitting to my left and thinking friends must have been the reason for her ly a walk for ten meters or twenty-five meters. ever met a person who becomes exuberant
they might be on a Seawolves team, twenty ecstasy throughout the day. Certainly her par- All of “athletes” in the group tried the 25M just with a little thing like being led in swing-
volunteers were called. I ran down the bleach- ticipation in the relay with the torch distin- Walk, and I walked with them.
ers (and almost missed a step) to get into the guished her because everyone was congratu- Continued on next page
After playing all of the adapted games, we
The hell is a gigawatt?
October Sees Death Tolls Rise in Iraq
By Mia Fisher They know much more about war than you
___________ do, as you have never participated in one.
Don’t try and fool us again, because we are
October of this year proved to be one of the not as ignorant as you and your advisors
most deadly months for American troops in assume we are. In a last-minute desperate
Iraq, with at least 103 brave soldiers dead. The attempt to scare us into voting Republican this
violence has kept escalating, despite W’s dec- Tuesday, Dubya has begun to compare
laration of victory more than three years ago. Democrats with terrorist-coddlers, repeating
This horrifying statistic comes at a time when the rhetoric of 2004 that we will endanger the
Americans are increasingly apathetic about country if we put the Democrats in power. Mr.
the divisive state of politics in our country. We President, we are not idiots. Your arrogance
have become so accustomed to hearing about has caused the deaths of thousands of brave
more troops and civilians murdered every soldiers, countless thousands of innocent
day, that we are now numb to it. This outra- civilians, and you have not come any closer to
geous indifference is pathetic, preventable protecting the United States from terrorism. In
and just what the neo-conservatives want fact, analysts concur that the U.S. is at an even
Steve Bell
from us. They want their false war to be as greater risk for a terrorist attack than before,
distant as possible from the general public. because the American wars in the Middle East ly the opposite of what they say it is! It’s dis- other side said “Osama Bin Laden’s Arrogance
They hide photos of returning caskets, pre- have created so much fury amongst previous- turbingly backwards and arrogant. It’s a false = Death.” This is an accurate analysis of the sit-
senting us with a sanitized version of war that ly non-violent Muslims. Dubya has spent bil- war with false pretenses, false caskets and false uation: Dubya’s power-crazed arrogance is just
is dishonest, conducive to indifference, dis- lions upon billions in Iraq, but barely anything reasoning behind an impotent excuse for strat- as dangerous as Bin Laden’s power-crazed
gusting, and insulting to our intelligence. has been spent to protect vital resources: the egy. arrogance.
The majority of the public is not involved food supply, the water supply, seaports, even We can only hope that Dubya can have the The most important thing that any of us can
with the war effort at all, financially or person- the airports have lacked sufficient funding to humility and charisma of a true leader to accept do is decide to care. Deciding to care will auto-
ally. In previous wars, the entire population truly protect their facilities. Asking an elderly the obvious reality: it’s time for a dramatic matically motivate a person to vote, to be
made sacrifices to help the troops and secure woman with a canvas flower bag, blue hair strategic change and an apology to the global informed, to pay respect to fallen soldiers, to
needed resources. People bought war bonds, and a Florida tan to take her shoes off for community. Preferably, this apology will be in have empathy for impoverished Iraqi civilians,
planted gardens, women worked in factories security is not making us any safer. the form of positive action worthy of a super- to talk to one’s friends and family. All of these
and became nurses; everyone loved someone Restricting liquids to be brought as carry-on power: stopping the genocide in Darfur, ending things are necessary to move forward from this
who went to Europe to fight the Nazis. luggage is not making us any safer. They only nuclear proliferation, finding a cure for Multi- stagnating disaster. We need an informed pub-
Households in the Confederacy during the create the illusion that we are safer, and the Drug Resistant Tuberculosis, curing AIDS, lic for positive change: a move towards unity
Civil War took care of injured Union soldiers. illusion that the government is doing all it can restricting population growth, and developing and away from divisiveness. Inform yourself!
It is dramatically different with this war, as to protect us. In fact, it’s not. The food supply sustainable technologies. We can only hope Decide to care! An informed public is the best
only 130,000 troops out of a population of and the water supply are dangerously vulner- that a new Congress can begin to accomplish defense against tyranny. And, when you have a
300 million Americans are fighting. The same able to attack by biological weapons, and these things. But by then, it will be too late for moment out of your busy lives, take a moment
people keep going back, voluntarily or not, cargo ships go un-inspected into ports like many victims of these injustices. to think about the 103 soldiers that have died,
and they keep getting permanently injured, San Francisco and New York all the time. In a recent photo of a war protest in New just in this past month, and about the thousands
killed, maimed, and psychologically scarred This is alarming, especially because Dubya’s York, there was a gentleman carrying sign: one of family members who will be grieving for the
for life. They leave their families to support administration is focusing all of its resources side said “Bush’s Arrogance = Death,” and the rest of their lives.
our country in a war it never should have got- on non-issues, like gay marriage and online

Olympics (continued)
ten into. The troops were deceived, the public gambling.
was deceived, and still they do their duty, sac- Really, all of this is just an illusion.
rificing themselves for the hope of stability, Everything that has happened after and
democracy and peace; and 103 of them are including the election of Dubya to office in Continued from previous page Their faces were filled with smiles. We
dead, just this month. That is three soldiers per 2000 is not real. We are in The Matrix! ing left and right to music? If you have, applauded those receiving medals. We
day murdered, three kids per day who will Really! Primarily, he was not elected fairly: he you know how blessed their smiles make congratulated them for their
never see their parent alive again, three moth- was appointed by the Supreme Court. We had you feel. Right? sports(wo)manship. We even accompa-
ers per day who will never see their son or the illusion of a fair election. Secondly, he I would have said the lunch was not fab- nied some of them to receive their medals
daughter again. If you are not outraged and plunged us into a war in the Middle East ulous. However, some “athletes,” like if they were too shy to go up alone. Some
saddened by this, you need a serious reality because Saddam had “weapons of mass Lori, cannot consume carbohydrates, athletes received four or five medals. I am
check. destruction,” which also turned out to be illu- according to Laura. There were restrictions sincerely proud of them. Though I was not
Not only are our troops in Iraq and sions! Thirdly, the rhetoric surrounding the to determine what everyone could con- with Christopher for very long, his spirit
Afghanistan getting killed, many troop divi- war and despicable, Constitution-revoking sume. Burger King, one of the sponsors of was memorable to all of us. Every time his
sions do not have appropriate armor and other laws (the Patriot Act, the Torture Bill) enacted the event, provided burgers and some name was called, he ran up with great
supplies to protect themselves. Furthermore, to “protect” us are actually making us more snacks. Even the pickles were served sep- enthusiasm. His joy must also be what
they return to a country which continuously vulnerable to terrorists and a tyrannical arately. By the way, the chocolate pie was encourages people to lend a helping hand.
whittles away Veterans’ benefits and lets regime in the White House. Now, Dubya is fabulous, though I should admit I am not a Our athletes’joy actually overwhelmed us.
many slip through the cracks without psycho- refuting mathematical statistics telling him fan of chocolate. In it were chocolate Everything was carried out successful-
logical counseling, appropriate financial sup- that his strategy of “stay the course” was mousse, chocolate cream, and chocolate ly, thanks to the directors of the event, the
port, or healthcare. We do not take care of our gravely wrong, saying instead on the cam- sauce. I saw a few people taking two group leaders, and all the volunteers who
active troops or our veterans like we should, paign trail that things are getting better in Iraq. pieces of the pie. Lori finished her pie and helped with the event. Do you think they
and this is despicable. Dubya must be truly Furthermore, Dubya even admits that his war wanted more, too. She would have taken changed the athletes’ lives? Probably.
un-patriotic to neglect the basic safety of the is an illusion! Dubya is telling us that those her friend’s pie if Joe hadn’t stopped her. I Also, I met a bunch of people with good
troops. 103 caskets that came home in October are gave her half of my piece because I had personalities but talked to them only
Despite all of the overwhelming evidence illusions, that those brave men and women enough chocolate after just half. Still, briefly. As I felt that I should give as much
that the sectarian violence is escalating in Iraq, aren’t actually dead, and that we are actually whatever the excuse, if you spend time attention as possible to the “athletes” in my
Dubya’s disgusting rhetoric would have us making progress in Iraq. It’s really an incred- with people with special needs, I know group, I did not talk to many others. I am
think otherwise. His generals say we are ible job they have done of sanitizing a you would prefer sharing your pie to sure you would like to share your experi-
approaching chaos in Iraq, and yet he claims depressing reality. Dubya’s Administration enjoying the pie all by yourself. ences as well. Respond to this article.
that things are getting better. Look at the num- and the neo-cons in Congress have created a The award ceremony followed the Lastly, let us all applaud those who have
bers, Mr. President. Listen to your generals. fake world for us, where everything is actual- lunch. Many “athletes” received awards. great volunteer spirit.

That’s your name isn’t it? Calvin Klein? It’s written all over your underwear.
Bush, Rumsfeld Invite Gitmo Critics to “Try it Out”
A Satire by Joey Safdia Bush and Rumsfeld stated that the pro-
___________ gram would start next month, in which
journalists and politicians who claim that
After a recent hailstorm of criticism the government tortures Gitmo detainees
stemming from President George W. can sign up to spend one month in Gitmo as
Bush’s signing of the Military a mock prisoner. There, they will have the
Commissions Act of 2006, the president opportunity to experience life in the deten-
gave skeptics of the conditions and legality tion facility just as detainees picked up in
of the Guantanamo Bay detention facility a Iraq and Afghanistan experience, including
chance to “try it out.” all of the CIA’s infamous “torture” tech-
“I understand the concerns of the niques. For extra realism, as the White
American people in this delicate matter,” House put it, participants will lose all legal
Bush remarked to a national audience the rights during their stay, nor will the govern-
other night. “We want to show the world ment make any attempt to notify the family
the compassion and mercy that the terror- members of the participants. To add to the
ists deny to innocent people everyday. We effect, the government will randomly select
do not torture detainees when utilizing our 10% of volunteers to have their stay at Randall Stevens
aggressive interrogation techniques, and we Gitmo indefinitely extended against their
feel that it is time for those who believe oth- will and without their knowledge. ipate that month in order to fill up the dif- Americans to experience what it is like to
erwise to see the truth for themselves.” “All this stuff we add, like the extended ference. This requirement, and the expan- be a detainee is just a diversion away from
This unprecedented decision came after trips and that stuff, is to make people feel sion of the program itself to include ordi- Bush’s failing war. It is also a diversion
numerous allegations of torture taking like they’re real detainees,” asserted Bush. nary American citizens, is necessary to away from the issue of how we treat the
place in the Guantanamo Bay detention “That way, when they see that it really isn’t show all of America the legality and detainees themselves. If you’re too busy
facility, or “Gitmo”. The release of some of so bad, they won’t be able to complain that humanity of the CIA interrogations rather thinking about your own experiences being
the CIA interrogation techniques, including it was an unfair simulation or that they were than just untrustworthy liberal media interrogated, you won’t even stop and think
sensory deprivation and waterboarding, has treated better because they were reporters moguls and corrupt politicians, according how the detainees feel.”
sparked much controversy throughout the or anything like that. They’ll understand to Rumsfeld. “The problem with this program is that it
global community. once and for all that the United States is a Vice President Dick Cheney said the d o e s n ’t deal with the issue of how we are
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld freedom-loving angel of mercy.” program was a “step in the right direction” going to try participants in this program,”
stood by the president in his decision. Rumsfeld also went on to state that this that would disprove the myth that the Bush said House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.
“For far too long, critics of our wartime is only the beginning. In order to increase Administration “has something to hide “Will made up evidence be allowed in mil-
policies have hampered our ability to detain the credibility of the government in the from the American people, or that it is hold- itary tribunals for anyone who still believes
and interrogate terrorists,” Rumsfeld told mind of the average American citizen, the ing some secret political agenda”. Cheney that the government tortures detainees?
reporters. “They go on television and tell program will expand so that, within three was unable to answer any more questions And what about the legal status of the par-
how we brutally torture innocent people. years, any American citizen who doubts the from reporters because the batteries that ticipants? Are they American citizens,
Come on, people, this isn’t the Dark Ages. compassion and humanity, as well as eff i- powered his heart were dying and he had to Participants of War (POW), or will the pres-
We don’t own a torture rack. There’s no ciency and legality, of the treatment and rush to replace his AA’s. ident deem them as ‘enemy simulations’?”
Iron Maiden in our possession. There’s interrogations of detainees will be able to During the announcement, Rumsfeld “Remember to do your homework and
none of that taking place. Before you go sign up and experience firsthand what it’s predicted the program would be a “great study hard, or else you’ll find yourself
saying that this or that technique that the like to be deemed an “enemy combatant” success”. He told reporters that not only stuck in Guantanamo Bay,” Senator John
CIA uses to interrogate prisoners is inhu- by the United States Government. Due to will America stop comparing the Kerry, D-MA, told a college audience. The
mane and constitutes torture, why don’t you the necessity of the program, a quota will Administration to “medieval inquisitors”, remark, which drew immediate fire from
experience it for yourself?” be implemented so that, if the government but people will realize that the detainees Republicans, was later classified by Kerry
“I guarantee, it would almost be a pleas- fails to attract a certain number of partici- experience less hardships than the average as a “botched joke” and a “failed to attempt
ant experience. You’d completely forget pants in any given month, adults of legal American. to show the American people that while I
you were in a prison,” he added. voting age will be required by law to partic- “We told prisoners to stand on their feet may be a politician, I’m also a person”.
for extended periods of time, and people Despite the fact that public opinion polls
see that and yell, ‘What a horrible method for the Guantanamo Bay participation pro-
THE STONY BROOK PRESS of torture!’ But I stand on my feet for hours gram show a 3% approval rating, Bush had
a day myself, giving speeches, talking to nothing but good things to say. “The
other officials, looking over reports and resolve of the American people to see what
signing papers, and so on. I would never we’ve done to the Geneva Conventions will
classify that as torture, no way,” explained not be broken by evil men who seek to
the Secretary of Defense. “Why just last impose their own perverted view of Islam
week I was at the local Wal-Mart, believe it on the world through terror. And the
or not I do my own shopping, and I was American people will no longer misunder-
forced to stand on line for ten full minutes estimate our intentions and policies when it
because the cashier had to go price check an comes to abducting random Afghani civil-
item. You’d think that these kids would be ians without notifying their families and
more motivated working for minimum denying them fair trials in open court. They
wage, but whatever the case, I stand on my will know that our goal is, first and fore-
feet hours on end doing what America most, to win the war on terror, and to make
needs me to do. Is it too much to ask for the the world a safer place for freedom.”
random Afghani civilians we pick up to Added Bush, “Maybe if people see for
endure a couple of necessary hardships as themselves what’s going on with these pris-
WE HAVE YOUR GRATUITOUS they do their civic duty for America?” ons, which Article II of the U.S.
The new program drew fire from
SLAVE GIRL, AND IF YOU WANT Democrats, saying it was just another tactic
Constitution gives explicit authority to the
president as Commander-in-Chief to set up,
HER BACK, COME AND GET HER. to divert attention away from the Iraq War. they will understand that since we aren’t
“Support for the war is falling with each actually killing, raping, mutilating, or per-
MEETINGS WEDNESDAYS AT 1 pm passing moment,” said Senator Hillary forming biological experiments on them, it
STUDENT UNION ROOM 060 Clinton, D-NY. “The program to get d o e s n ’t actually count as torture.”
The Ultimate Battle Writings of Review for Movie
The LIRR Gaps vs. the Grand Canyon
By Larry Lamb
“Oh no, the Grand Canyon is striking
again, and this time it’s a really bad hit
Borat When we first meets Borat, we see
— the LIRR gaps have lost three gaps.
Kazakhstan is glorious nation with supe-
S t a t s: What is this? What is the Syosset gap
rior potassium. Borat home town fulled
doing? It is tickling an unidentified part
with diverse peoples, like farmer, prosti-
The LIRR gaps: of the Grand Canyon — it appears the
tute sister, retard brother, asshole neigh-
Length: 11-15 inches. Grand Canyon is distracted and seems to
bor, and village rapist. Kusek also have
Depth: 4-8 feet be twitching a little bit.
sand, goat, kindergarten, rocks, cassette-
Kill Count: 1 “What are the rest of the LIRR gaps
p l a y e r, Running of the Jew Festival,
Injuries: 131 doing? They are assembling into some-
sand, plow, potassium, and rocks, making
Signature Move: Minnesota Drop thing — assembling into a penis, a larg e
it greatest country in all of world.
Motto: “Watch the Gap” penis. It appears the Grand Canyon is
When Borat leave on journey to find
Weakness: Lawyers still distracted.
golden-haired Pamela, Borat make many
“What are the LIRR gaps doing now?
interview and get learnings from all
The Grand Canyon: It seems they are inserting themselves
America. Some of peoples Borat meet is
Length: 5 miles to 18 miles into the Grand Canyon. The Grand
genuine chocolate faces, feminists, rodeo
Depth: 1 mile to 1.5 miles Canyon is trying to stop the LIRR penis,
peoples, and Jew. But, some peoples are
Kill Count: 1,205 but it seems the Syosset gap has found,
too serious and don’t like Borat. They say
Injuries: 10,204 well, the clitoris of the Grand Canyon,
he is man who say bad things about peo-
Signature Move: The Eye Gorg e our nation’s vagina. The LIRR penis is
ples with different race, and he not create
Weakness: Tourists and Pollution going balls-deep here, it’s going all the
positive image of Kazakh. I believe
way. The LIRR penis is moving side to
Sacha Baron Cohen, who make actings
Battle Report: side in the Grand Canyon and is thrust- By Irv Novoa
for Borat, is man with many brain. He
ing quite fast now. Also, the single ___________
catch lots of idiot say bad things about
“Hello, this is Jim Jacob Jones report- Syosset gap is increasing its speed on
Gypsy, female, the gay, and Jew. Making
ing, and here we are at a Colorado state the clitoris of the Grand Canyon. Jagshemash! My name a Irv. The
great commentaries of dumb vanilla
park, ready to see the battle for the “What is this? The Grand Canyon is Ministry of Information for Brook in
faces. This movie film has balance of
National Gap Champion. Our champion turning bright red and is shivering. Now Stony send me to movie film, Borat:
funniness, dramas, good actings and
the Grand Canyon will be challenged by what is this? The Grand Canyon is Cultural Learnings of America for Make
stereophonic listenings. I give Borat fif-
the up-and-coming LIRR gaps. It looks shooting a stream of rocks and water Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Very
teen vazhin ups.
like the battle has started. Oh no, it into the crowd — it seems we have a nice! I think it great success. Borat begin
looks like the Grand Canyon is going for squirter. The Grand Canyon has fallen to success on show of moron Ali G. In
its signature move, the Eye Gorge. It the ground, the LIRR penis removes movie film, Borat Sagdiyev, journalist
looks like the LIRR gaps took the hit itself, and it looks like the Grand for Kazakhstan, leave village of Kusek
hard: they lost a Queens and a Brooklyn Canyon is down for the count. when government want to make for glo-
gap. “The LIRR gaps are the new champi- rious nation. He film documentary and
“It looks like the LIRR gaps are going ons: they now hold the title of National visit many peoples and shares cultural
in for a strike, but it fails. The Grand Gap Champions. Who would have learnings when he see goddess, Pamela.
Canyon is just too big. It looks like the thought a giant chasm could have an Borat fall in love and drive across US&A “Borat”
LIRR gaps have to form a new strategy, o rgasm? This is the end of this battle, for hope to gain entry to her vazhin. He
The Director Man
or it’s lights-out for them. see you next time.” like to make sexy time with ladies. Yes!

Hey you, get your damn hands off her!

Music Reviews
Anousha Shankar
By Mia Fisher
The Hold Steady
By Steve McLinden people who you feel like you know —
___________ ___________ or you know someone who knows
Last Friday, world-renowned Have you recently asked yourself, On the band’s sophomore 2005
sitarist Anoushka Shankar (daughter “How come people don’t get wasted album Separation Sunday, which was
of Indian classical music pioneer and while listening to rock music any- released on niche indie NYC label
sitarist Ravi Shankar) performed at more?” Simply put, it’s because Frenchkiss Records, Finn told the
the Staller Center. The performers bands haven’t been putting out music overlapping stories of a drug addict, a
came from a wide range of musical like Brooklyn-based indie rock band pimp, and a hard partier. This time
and ethnic backgrounds and played The Hold Steady. With their third around, the band has a much more
traditional South Asian instruments album, Boys and Girls in A m e r i c a accessible and less erratic sound that
like the sitar and tabla, as well as tra- (their first on Vagrant Records), Craig s h o u l d n ’t scare even the most appre-
ditional Western instruments, such as Finn and the boys show that they just hensive of classic rock fans. T h e
piano, drums, and bass. Shankar and wanna rock, and they do it quite well. h i g h - e n e rgy grit that hits your ears on
her talented ensemble fused these While many music fans have reject- the definite party tune “Same Kooks,”
Colston Julian
many seemingly divergent sounds to Anousha Shankar
ed every New York City band as, well, complete with synthesized organ and a
create a beautifully harmonious “one of those New York City bands,” rabid Southern Rock-like guitar solo,
union. Creativity and originality per- multiple musical traditions, high- The Hold Steady’s sound might seem sounds more like the classic progres-
meated the entire performance, with lighting the didgeridoo, cello, violin, better placed on the Jersey Shore. sive rock band Boston. Meanwhile,
various talented performers swaying piano, and electronica. Shankar was Frontman Craig Finn admits that first single “Chips Ahoy!” exhibits a
in perfect rhythm with Shankar. She joined onstage by Tanmoy Bose on among his biggest influences in song- few more roots in post-punk and
was positioned in the center, guiding tabla, a man whose passion for music writing is Bruce Springsteen. On sounds sort of like early Weezer (punk
the development of each unique was evident from his continuous tracks like the depressing piano-driv- rock scholars might recognize key-
piece with poise, flexibility, and an smile and boundless energ y. Also per- en ballad “First Night,” about a lost boardist Franz Nicolay from
intimate perception of the shape she forming were Leo Dombecki on girlfriend, the influence of The Boss’ B r o o k l y n ’s own The Wo r l d / I n f e r n o
wanted it to take. The reverence with piano, Ravichandra Kulur on flute, legendary storytelling is unmistak- Friendship Society). Transitions from
which she and her ensemble members Aditya Prakash on vocals, Clarence able. The overall mood of the album song to song are smooth, like that
play was evident in this performance Gonsalves on bass, Jesse Charnow, from the confessional “Citrus” to the
and inspiring; the co mmunication and Kenji Ota. Prakash’s voice was brooding but harder-rocking “Chillout
among the musicians onstage was amazingly cavernous, and he perme- Tent,” a tale about a girl who took the
also profoundly moving. ated the entire recital hall with his wrong stuff at a music festival.
The sitar is an eighteen- to twenty- vibrato. If I have any complaints about the
stringed traditional South A s i a n Less and less frequently are we so album, it’s that with eleven tracks just
instrument with movable frets and a blessed as to encounter a musician breaking forty minutes, it’s too damn
distinctively lush, resonant sound. It who does not adhere to a pre-exacted short. Some listeners might be turned
is held somewhat like a guitar, formula of a cookie-cutter song (fur- o ff by the distinctively nerdy-sound-
except with a much longer neck and ther disguised by false bodies and ing talking/singing voice of Finn, but,
rounder body. It was popularized in false faces) and present that song to then again, people have said the same
the West in the 1960s by Georg e the world; less and less often do we things about Springsteen or Bob
Harrison, a protégé of Ravi Shankar hear innovative, truly artistic pieces Dylan.
and a member of the Beatles. that are evolving and growing even The band is currently touring the
Anoushka Shankar has utilized the while being performed live onstage. Vagrant Records
country to support the album, and their
instrument traditionally and has also The young Shankar is the epitome of The Hold Steady: Boys and Girls in America Black Friday show in Hoboken is
expanded its creative range and glob- originality and creativity when it already sold out. The Hold Steady is
al influence dramatically, performing comes to forging new paths in world paints a downhearted picture that is the up-and-coming bar rock band, and
with artists such as Nina Simone, music. Her flexible musical talent is nonetheless filled with hope (particu- if you like rock music, period, I high-
Elton John, James Ta y l o r, Sting, and essential to an ever- c h a n g i n g , larly in “Southtown Girls”), resonat- ly recommend picking up Boys A n d
Madonna. increasingly diverse global communi- ing with Springsteen’s introspective Girls in A m e r i c a before all of your
The concert here at Stony Brook ty and offers a wonderful opportunity style. friends do.
was part of the tour celebrating for connection among various musi- Finn has said that the concept of
S h a n k a r ’s latest album, R i s e, cal disciplines. Belonging to this Boys and Girls in America is based in
released in September of 2004. T h e incredibly diverse university commu- beatnik Jack Kerouac’s 1957 novel,
album features numerous composi- n i t y, we can all learn and benefit from On The Road. Then again, it seems
tions by Shankar herself and contin- S h a n k a r ’s desire for connection and that the title of the album tells you “Boys and Girls in America”
ues with the theme of fusion among innovation among different cultures. exactly what the songs are about: real The Hold Steady

Video Game Reviews
Starfox Command Okami
By Jowy Romano the most part, the control is great. The only By Steve McLinden
___________ problems are as follows: number one, barrel ___________
rolls become a problem because you have to
Star Fox Command is the latest addition rub the touch screen left and right to perform The next-generation gaming console
to Nintendo’s Star Fox franchise. This time one. Not only is this annoying to execute war is upon us this month, but with mas-
around, Fox McCloud and the gang will be during flight, it sometimes happens acciden- terpiece action/adventure title Okami, the
defending the Lylat System on the Nintendo tally. Second is a problem common in many PlayStation2 shows in a big way that it’s
DS. Command is the first Star Fox game on DS games: your hands will get cramped still alive and kickin’. Call it “Zelda with
a handheld system. Q-Games, the develop- quickly a wolf” if you choose, this cel-shaded
er Nintendo entrusted with the title, actually playing in Japanese-watercolor-inspired game is a
did a great job taking the series portable. this control work of both visual and gaming art.
The storyline starts after the events style. Okami, which is apparently a Japanese
of Star Fox Assault, with a pun meaning both wolf and deity, was
disbanded Star Fox released on September 19th in the U.S.
team. As the game and became a surprise hit when gaming
progresses, Another publications across the board praised the
unique game with near-perfect scores. Then
aspect of again, gamers should have expected an
this Star unconventional title, as it was developed Capcom
Wolfenstein 8D
Fox game is by Clover Studios (the people who
that all the brought us cel-shaded cult platformer ing through at times.
charac- Viewtiful Joe) and published by Capcom. Okami’s true forte as a game is in its
one ters’ Arriving in an end-of-the-generation epic storytelling. While it’s not very diffi-
of the ships depression that seems swamped with cult (which may disappoint if you’re look-
goals is to h a v e repetitive RPGs, Metal Gear wannabes, ing for a challenge to your gaming skills),
recruit your for- d i ff e r e n t and GTA rehashes, Okami is a fresh breath the number of missions and the length of
mer teammates. The strengths of fun and creativity. the game make it worth your money and
first time through the game a n d I’m not usually one to jump for the your effort. Scrolling through walls of text
the story is linear. However, after the weak- Japanese mythology kind of story, but (as much as an RPG; there’s no voice act-
game is beaten once, multiple story choices nesses. Okami is intriguing; mesmerizing, even. ing to read to you) can get annoying at
open up that ultimately lead to nine different Some As the legend goes, a wolf goddess named times, but it makes for great character and
endings. of the ships can carry Amaretsu — the player — saved the plot development, and I have a poor atten-
The story is a bit simple, but it is strange- more bombs, some can lock onto multiple quaint Japanese village of Kamiki from tion span anyway. The music really fits
ly heartwarming to see the Star Fox charac- targets, and others can fly further with each the torment of an eight-headed dragon perfectly with the classical Japanese style
ters further develop. Fox is emo after a turn on the map screen. These are just some who lives just outside of town. About a of Okami, but characters talk with an indi-
messy break up with Krystal, Peppy is now of the many quirks the different ships have. hundred years later, this beast’s spirit is vidual gibberish that can get sort of disrup-
general of the Cornerian fleet (taking the Overall, Q-Games did a wonderful job freed and he roams about, tormenting the tive. The greatness of the graphics is not
place of a sickly General Pepper), Slippy incorporating strategy elements into the world again, at which point a goddess measured (as with most games today) by
now has a fiance, Falco is the same old Falco existing Star Fox gameplay system that we beckons Amaretsu’s statue to return to life their proximity to virtual reality; they’re
(off being a loner), and Krystal has joined up all know and love. My only real complaint is and do battle once again to save the world just flat-out aesthetically impressive. As
with Fox’s rival Star Wolf. that certain elements of the game feel a bit from the evil spirits haunting it. Yeah, so enjoyable to watch as it is to play, Okami
The gameplay is very similar to that of repetitive after a while. If they put more vari- it sounds kinda weird, but that’s when it can best be described as interacting with a
the original Star Fox and Star Fox 64, but ations into the ship battles, this game would gets good. world inside of a painting.
with a handful of new strategy elements. easily get five out of five middle fingers. The gameplay is pretty intuitive and is, I don’t care if you have next-gen holi-
Each mission has a unique map on which There are four different types of ship battles: in fact, a lot like Nintendo’s Zelda fran- day fever, if you’ve gotten your 360
you draw the flight path of Fox and his missile chases, enemy ship encounters, chise. Where Okami differs is in its already, or if you’re looking forward to a
wingmen, turn after turn. On this map enemy bases, and boss battles. Save for boss “celestial paintbrush” feature, the wolf’s PS3 or a Wii this month: don’t put away
screen you attempt to intercept enemies and battles, you will get into battles of these types divine powers to create a brushstroke dur- your PS2 just yet. If you’re an adventure
missiles before they get to your mothership, multiple times in every mission. None of ing play to change the dynamics of your fan or an aficionado who considers video
the Great Fox, and you launch attacks on them have enough variation to keep each bat- environment. For example, a straight line games to be an art form, you really must
enemy bases as well. At the end of each tle as interesting as it could be. Even then, as through an object will slash it, or if you own this game. I would rarely use “perfec-
turn, if any of your allies encounter enemies, I said before, the game still holds up and is draw a circle on water, a lily pad will tion” when describing a game, but Okami
you will have to play out a battle scene with well worth the $35. appear, allowing Amaretsu to cross rivers. is a shining work of brilliance.
traditional Star Fox ship-combat gameplay. With fifteen distinct abilities, each granted
This alone, for me, makes the game worth by a different animal of the Chinese zodi-
the thirty-five bucks. ac, I found myself really thinking about
Of course, the control scheme has been “Star Fox Command” what power to use and when to use it, with “Okami”
updated to utilize the DS’s touch screen. For Nintendo strong elements of the puzzle genre shin- PlayStation 2

Why whatever do you mean, sir? I do declare

that this is in no way blank space.
Art Gallery Reviews
Athena LaTocha - Sturm and Drang An effective aspect of the paintings to her heritage. She is from a Native
is their rough and gritty textures. To American background (Ojibwe and
accomplish this look, LaTocha used Latoka) to which she says, “Being
tools such as rocks, concrete bricks, aware of your cultural background
sheet metal and large planks of wood. and its history is difficult, at times,
“ T h e r e ’s this overwhelming sense of
conflict and tension within the physi- “There’s this overwhelming
cal and psychological struggle of
making these paintings,” explains sense of conflict and tension
L a To c h a . within the physical and
The truly remarkable aspect of the
works is that when you take a few psychological struggle of
extra steps back from the paintings;
the rough strokes come together and
making these paintings”
form beautiful and minutely detailed Athena LaTocha
landscape scenes. MFA Student
L a Tocha grew up in Alaska, where
she was surrounded by mountains, because you learn things that are…
Jowy Romano
One of LaTocha’s landscapes
glaciers, tundra and the ocean. This is not taught in the history books as we
where the content of the paintings grow up.” “The paintings look at col-
By Jowy Romano first floor of Melville Library. T h e comes from. “There’s a kind of onization and political injustices or
___________ current show is called Sturm and rugged texture to this landscape and confrontation with conflict might
D r a n g by Athena LaTocha. Sturm and sense of power that makes you feel ask,” she continued.
Of the many campus art exhibits, D r a n g, meaning “storm and stress” in powerless.” Sturm and Drang will be up in the
the Graduate Art Gallery is often German, is a collection of emotional The emotion behind LaTo c h a ’s Library art gallery through November
overlooked. You can find it on the landscape paintings. paintings, on the other hand, is related 11th, everyday from 5:00-7:00 PM.

What was it, George, birdwatching?

Dad... dad... dadio!
Version 2.1
Since the last iRate, Apple has released introduction of the first generation iPod. line laptop, the MacBookPro. In addition,
a number of new items for Mac lovers to Looking back, it seems amazing that the entire iMac line also features the
play with, so here’s a brief summary of Apple has come so far from that Core2Duo, making them the most power-
what we have this week: new iPods plastic/metal brick of an MP3 player; ful Macs in the lineup — with the excep-
released, new processors, iPods celebrate ( s n i ff) my babies have come so far in such tion of the MacPro, which truly is in a cat-
five years of music, Mac users raise money a short time…. egory of its own.
for computers in underprivileged schools In other iPod news, now available in As they say, “on the lighter side of
and a new generation of iPod in the works. both four- and eight-gig models, a special news”: roughly a month ago, Wired maga-
On November 1st, customers who pre- edition RED iPod Nano has been released zine’s Cult of Mac Blog announced its help
ordered the new iPod Shuffles began as part of Apple’s campaign to fight AIDS. with The Claire Danes/Apple/Cult of Mac
receiving them in the mail. The new The price is the same as the other colored Back to School Computer Challenge. The
Shuffle is smaller, lighter, and tougher than iPods, the difference being that $10 of fundraiser is aimed at providing funding
ever before. Like the previous model, the each one purchased goes toward fighting for a number of Mac/education proposals.
new Shuffle is without a screen and is min- AIDS in Africa. Also, the US Patent and Included in this is an initiative to provide
imalistic on controls, but it will get the job Trademark Office has granted Apple a computers for special education students
done. The significant changes have been patent for a new type of iPod display. in Harlem, and there is another to provide
largely cosmetic, shifting from the old While the patent isn’t too detailed, it does iPods for audio books for struggling read-
design, which looked like a pack of gum, indicate that the all-too-famous click ers. Both of these initiatives have reached
to the new design, which is the shape and wheel is going away. This will be the sin- their funding goals, but there is still more
size of a book of matches. In this model gle most drastic change for the iPod in its money that needs to be raised. At this
you will also see a belt clip to attach this history, and it is speculated to have a 2007 moment, they have managed to raise 84%
snazzy device to your shirt, pants, back- release. of their $15,000 goal. If you have a few
pack etc…. In addition, the shuffle is now Also released in the past month: new bucks to spare, the information on how to
more affordable than ever: a one-gig processors for the MacBookPro and iMac. donate is available on the Cult of Mac
model will run you a mere $79.00. After a considerable delay, Apple finally Blog, which is highly recommended for
Continuing with iPod news, this past got around to putting the faster Intel any Mac lover, at
month marked five years since the initial Core2Duo Processors into their top-of-the-
Press Staffer Data Sheet
Name: Joseph “Jowy” Romano
Neck: Skinny Chest: Smallish
Cock Length: Enormous Cock Girth: Like whoa
Height: 5’ 10” Weight: 138 lbs
Birth Date: 5~29~84 Birthplace: Brooklyn
Ambitions: World domination, inventing a more chocolatey chocolate, using orphans to
synthesize super, chocolatey chccolate

Turn-ons: Black girls with English accents (seriously!), tofu on the nipples, cling wrap,

Turn-offs: Re-using socks, puking into a cup of beer only to finish it in the subsequent
gulp, aluminum foil, ninjas

The one thing I can’t live without:

Baby meat

Areas for improvement:

Foreign languages, sports, not killing the homeless

He’s proud of:

His legs, Seriously, rub them, And his iron control of his minions.

If he could have one wish:

He would ask for the ability to not lose Rock-Paper-Scissors battles to see who has to be featured Men of the Press this first.

Embarassing Photos:

The three phases of Jowy Phase 2: Robot Chickens! Phase 3: The Furlong
Phase 1: Emo
l essons in life are free-
cars, cribs, and fake imagery-
T he new world
I ran out to the big fig tree
mean nothing to me-
And watched its white leaves fall
sometimes we dine on mental swine-
Held by hegemonies, they flew up away
and after some whine-
Its branches; elaborate and tortured
instead i prepare for next time-
Ranches up and down Babylon
a bird in a hand beats two in a bush-
It is rooted down seven seals and scrolls
i’ll kill two birds with one stone without a push-
Hereafter, the tree will be no more
and paint vividly without a brush-
It will be of no use to his hegemonies
the intuition flashes beaconing-
Its stem will be been clustered with rubbish
the negativity gently speaking-
Its branches will fall on an elegant sunrise
no wonder my dam is leaking-
So is the tree of life, I beg the differ
my vision jitter steps-
my ego keeps up with rep-
Ishmael Amu
time comes and like a thief in the night while i slept-
in a creation of change what is constant-
reality and perspective the balance is relevant-
why do i feel like nothing is heaven sent-
my goals so close behind a 15 foot wall-
W hat is breeding behind those eyes
Scanning mine so intently?
the metrosex complex lies about a justification call- What thoughts float in his mind?
if i’m to tall they, chop me if i’m short i’m small- What words are sitting behind those lips,
what is the sum of sign and symbol- On the verge of being uttered?
having to sew roughness cuts flesh without a thimble- What motivates the affectionate touch of his hand
how do we live high intelligence in world that is so simple- On my bare skin?
is this an accident or orchestrated-
wait a minute.....why is this life on earth so frustrated- Dark slivers stare incessantly at me,
why the weak are put on a pedestal and the strong are castrated- Slim fingers trace facial features,
why every child in ancient greece was raped and or molested- Lips linger on mine.
The Cows of Sams Valley

why guns, bombs and politicism are invested-
it gets worse and worse no matter how much protested- Why?
can it be changed or rectified- hey stand in the grass
can we really be content with what’s on our inside- In those deep, round eyes
nearby, in long and silent lines,
is anything we think is really here, truth or just a lie ? He holds emotions
seemingly half-dead,
I am not aware of. no anger or courage
a.k.a. if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for any thing. So silent, to cloud the empty air,
In the dim light of dawn
-al miskin- I can only gaze into his face,
the pasture grows to them.
Their heaviness serves them

Dying to know how he feels in this
well, this well-fed herd
One moment.
he’s born of a naturally strong creed- sinking down in the valley,
Just in this second, thickset and swollen with pride.
strong yet gentle in every action and deed-
In this minute, I watch them go, and I go,
she gets my attention without make up to suceed-
As he clutches me closely, relaxed in a drunken slumber-
i fantisize much interacting sharing needs-
Why is his heartbeat racing? they hew a broad path for me...
our bond...wicked brothers envy, strong brothers take heed-
in time of desperation i move with speed-
when i think of myself i think of her first, never falling to greed- They low as they move away
he mere body,mind,soul sparks the emotion to breed- bellowing and slow,
i till my land and plant my seed- rolling their eyes up and down
i’d like to think it was us, but really this was decreed- with silent gaze, hidden
ALMIGHTY CREATOR please bless my seeds- among their hidden ways.
make my daughters the spitting image of their mother’s breed- A mutual love seems theirs,
may she teach them right and wrong, sharing with each other conquering greed- their quiet sleep of death
nurturing their confidence and trust, patiently without speed- no different than their peaceful
the lessons she taught from childhood they observe and take heed- days...but would they come to me
by adolescense they mimic her respect and take care of the other’s needs- if I called? Perhaps if the need be,
her blatant love insures their future families will suceed- but theirs is a patient willingness
grand children will be raised in grandmama’s righteous deeds- that passes, passing without haste,
by the WOMB of a Virtuous WOMAN we maintain a naturally strong creed- a stand in the grass.
-al miskin-
Another poem by Jon Plaisted
death egg zone