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by Joe Smart firstname.lastname@example.org
Books and television can warp your mind! Last night, I read Dr.Seuss “Oh Say Can You Say” to my grandson, then watched a TV news story about the recent increase of bed bug infestations in the United States. Then I dreamed this story. When I was a kid, one of the common “Goodnight” phrases was “Goodnight! Sleep tight! Don’t let the bed bugs bite!” I was terrified and would look under the bed and in the closet, wondering what bed bugs looked like. Here is a treatise on bed bugs, completely non-factual, and inspired by the great Dr. Seuss and my own nightmares.
Bed bugs bite bad. Bed bug bites are bad. Bed bugs bite boys’ backs and butts. There are black bed bugs and brown bed bugs and blue bed bugs. Blue bed bugs are bad. Brown bed bugs are badder. Black bed bugs are the baddest. But the baddest of all are the big, bad, bald, beetle-browed, blackbacked bed bugs boasting bright blue eyes and brown legs which bite bad boys’ backs and butts.
Bed Bugs December 6, 2009
This is fun to read out-loud, but I work a little with ESL students so I have to turn everything into an English lesson! If you wanted to use this as an English lesson, you could ask: 1. 2. 3. 4. Define treatise Define fact, factual, and non-factual Define beetle-browed In “Bed bugs bite bad” what word does bad modify? Since it modifies a verb, what part of speech is it? Since it’s an adverb, how should it be spelled? What would the sentence “Bed bugs bite badly” mean? Would that make sense given we are trying to demonize bed bugs? There are many instances of incorrect English in literature and, especially, in song (Ex: “I don’t get no satisfaction”). Writers excuse this by claiming “artistic license.” ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artistic_license ) 5. Using correct English, what word should be used instead of badder? 6. Using correct English, what word should be used instead of baddest? 7. Why is the apostrophe where it is in boys’ ? What is the difference between boy’s and boy’s ?
If you liked this, please comment! If you didn’t, please find something else to do, like look under your bed and in your closet!
December 6, 2009