PARENTAL

INVERSION

AND

SUBSTITUTE MATE

1.

INTRODUCTION.

When a parent or both is not able or unwilling (no knowing) to fulfil the parental role, sometimes a child will carry the weight of burden of take care and take up responsibilities which he/she Can’t carry. The term parental inversion and substitute mate describe the identity taken on by the child. This wounding will drive him/her trough childhood into adulthood, where it will reap destruction in the individual and in the relationships with others. The role of substitute mate is a more serious type of parental inversion. DEFINITION OF PARENTAL INVERSION. Identities taken on by children where both or one parent is absent or

INEFFECTIVE OF A RESULT OF: Death or divorce sin or immaturity. 3. DEFINITION OF SUBSTITUTE MATE.

A more serious form of parental inversion, is when a parent relies inappropriately on a child the opposite sex for emotional comfort or in worst cases for, physical satisfaction. 4. APPROPRIATE PARENTAL OBLIGATION.

1. Parents must be excellence responsible for their own children. 11 Cor.12:14 NAS 2. They have to supply in the family needs, spiritual, financial, comfort .1 Tim.3:8 3. The setting of appropriate boundaries and discipline is essential. 1 Tim. 3:4 4. To motivate them and call up spiritual gifts from God and right living.Prov.22:6 5. Not only proving but Godly living, love comfort, boundaries, touch. Isaiah 38:19 5. CHILD RESPONSE TO INAPPROPIATE PARENTING.

If the order of the correct parenting is not in the house, the results of the inappropriate Manner cause parental inversion or substitute mate. · The child enters into fear (responsibilities) thinking who will take care of things. · The child loose childhood, feelings responsible for being a grown up /adult. · Child may becomes proud of his “adult” role built into him by the parent. · Striving because he/she tries hard to impress the lost parent.

· Child self-image is at risk. They think they have to be strong /to help weak people. · They take the role of caretakers, protectors, problem solvers, and lifegivers. · In short; They will be full performance and also looking for acceptance. 6. THE SYMPTOMS OF ADULTS WHICH HAVE PARENTAL INVERSION.

· Inability to rest but extremely tired they feel like nothing is really right. · They have a need to make everything work/things will better if I do it myself. · It is difficult to trust others,/imperfections trigger need to step in situations. · The need is their to keep situations under control and relationships in order. · The adult have a difficulty in trusting God,/see God as weak/he as person can do anything. · The person have got pride because he/her thinks she/him is a “noble martyrs” · He/she has trouble to handling confusion or disorders /not knowing where it comes from. · There is a lot of denial/trying too hard they seems to be pushy. · They don’t allowing spouse to function they think they are only person can take care/things. · They’ve got a inability to feel. Turning off emotionally they get logical. · The person is full of advice but little “heart”. Also think they knows the best. · There is a inability to be corporate and intimate with the spouse and children. · Although roots are with parents, the fruits later surface in relations to primary people. 6. PARENTAL INVERSION : THE HEALING.

· First recognition – where does the problem start – the root/discern the truth/motives. · Lead counselee tell/truth Pray/ask the YHVH/God to hear and accept spoken words. · Repentance and forgiveness: Person must forgive the parents for did/did not do. · Confess loud – judgements against parents. · Repent and forgive – judging God as weak · New behaviour – Counsellor must encourage counselee to call parents if still alive. · Giving up trying- to control parents, spouse, or co-workers./repent controlling spirit. · Acknowledging – all attempts to control anger or other behaviour when confronted. · Counsellors, responsibilities – be always their be always supportive give /YHVH's love. 7. CONCLUSION FOR PARENTAL INVERSION.

We must realise that every case is unique we as Counsellors have to rely fully on God and the Holy Spirit/Ha Khodesh for wisdom, power and sometimes a word of Knowledge.

God/YHVH is the creator and knows everything of every single person. Everyone is for Him important. Parental inversion can starts from a very little child and upwards. When one parent fails or is gone from home, the child (usually eldest of opposite sex) step in to fill the vacuum. His/her position will be like of the spouse, but without the bedroom. But…there may be no sexual flow yet, but it is in the subconscious. He/she can later become a model husband or wife in every way except in making love. So trusting GodYHVH OUR ELOHIM to reveal to you the whole TRUTH to be able to fully healing for the counselee.

9.

SUBSTITUTE

MATE

WHAT

IS

THE

SYMPTOMS?

1. This is more serious than the parental inversion, a parent inappropriately relies so on help From the opposite sex that the child have to respond/feel under condemnation. 2. This person has all the symptoms of parental inversion

3. This leads to seek refreshments outside the home/other activities/vulnerability to adultery. 4. There is a definite sexual dysfunction, /leading to early sexual stimulation due to usurpation of parental role. 5. Complexes named Electra or Oedipus/sexual difficulties in marriage/feeling guilty. 6. Intense but hidden hate and anger toward the parent of the opposite sex. MATE SEEKS UNNATURAL COMFORT LIKE:

10 SUBSTITUTE 1.

The child has to be their for emotional comfort

2. Child /as a confidant-this can lead to misperceptions be father or be mother. 3. In very worst cases for physical satisfaction, the parent ask child to sleep in same bed. 4. Parent can excessive hold out needs.

5. The worst: incest can happen and continue for the child feel guilt or needed. 6. Remember it is not the serving which is sin, but the MOTIVE /child feel/must do something.

11.

SUBSTITUTE

MATE :

THE

HEALING.

· Recognition (like in parental inversion) identify the fruit and the roots for childhood. · Fear- base of acquiescence to parental coercion- this cause a lot of problems later on. · Origins are in lack of understanding the lack of parenting, discipline /love/adulthood. · Person must forgive –forgiveness /a daily discipline until accomplished in the heart. · Repentance and confession – for sin of usurpation(this must be remembered)

· Changing- together with repentance we as counsellor must help person walk in new way. · Do not preach- to the counselee, you can offer suggestions for new behaviour. · Most counselees- will not live near parents, so most of the fruits of PI AND SM are manifested in relations to other people. May be their own family, friends, church members, or people at work. Starting to forgive the parent will really bring changes in their lives. · Forgiving – is the wonderful force behind pattern changes, the support of the counsellor and the Word of God will renew their mindset. They must be willing. · Forgiving God/YHVH and themselves / this will help the counselee to be free Jesus set us free indeed. · Pray out loud TO ELOHIM YHVH/GOD asking Father YHVH your creator for restoration its only HIM that can restore the inner man nothing else or no one else - and be always full of the love of YHVH, counselling together with Gods/YHVH love do miracles We serve a God of miracles. 12. CONCLUSION. I want to focus on the

The symptoms of above discussed items is nearly the same. following:

Parental inversion resemble performance orientation, it is important to make some distinctions. Performance oriented people believe they must earn the right to exist. Their concern is self-Centered their actions are designed to give them sense of worth in the world. The substitute serious sexual Become like the parent himself will take abuse and will have a problems

WE CAN ALL LEARN OUT OF THIS PLEASE MOTHER AND FATHERS LOOK TO YOUR LIFES AND LOOK AT YOUR CHILDRES THEY ARE A AWSOME GIFT FROM YHVH OUR GOD. HE GIVES YOU THE

TOOLS THROUGH OBEYING THE SCRIPTURE AND GIVING A GOOD FOUNDATION. SHALOM MARIA REYNEKE B-DEGREE DIVINITY REGISTERED COUNSELLOR.

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