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Table of Contents

Introduction .............................................................................................................................. 3
5 Major Problems When Talking to Women ............................................................................. 3
Problem #1 Starting the Conversation ............................................................................ 3
Problem #2 Running Out of Things to Say ....................................................................... 4
Problem #3 Weirding Girls Out ....................................................................................... 4
Problem #4 Chasing Way Too Hard................................................................................. 5
Problem #5 Cant Spark Natural Chemistry ..................................................................... 5
STEP #1 - Comfort Before Attraction ......................................................................................... 6
What is Social Comfort? .................................................................................................... 7
Like a Vacuum and a Flame ............................................................................................ 8
Comfort Building Social Skills .................................................................................................. 10
The Law of Reciprocity .................................................................................................... 11
Talk About Yourself First: ................................................................................................ 11
Asking the Right Questions ............................................................................................. 12
Turn Questions into Statements ...................................................................................... 12
Making Observations ...................................................................................................... 13
Phrasal Transitions .......................................................................................................... 13
Tell Her About You .......................................................................................................... 14
Using Regional References .............................................................................................. 14
Using Current Events....................................................................................................... 14
Setting a Comfortable Pace ............................................................................................. 14
Use Interactivity and Check Ins ....................................................................................... 14
Grounding Your Personality ............................................................................................ 15
Share Your Interests ........................................................................................................ 15
Relating To Common Things ............................................................................................ 16
Using Names ................................................................................................................... 16
Be Enthusiastic................................................................................................................ 16
Be Positive ...................................................................................................................... 16
Show Genuine Interest.................................................................................................... 16
Self Commentary ............................................................................................................ 16
Using Hooks .................................................................................................................... 17
Opening Loops ................................................................................................................ 17
Role Playing .................................................................................................................... 17
Group Dynamics ............................................................................................................. 17
Staying Relaxed ............................................................................................................... 17
Put Yourself Out There .................................................................................................... 18
STEP #2 - Flipping the Switch .................................................................................................. 18
Breaking Social Comfort .................................................................................................. 19
Step #3 - Creating Instant Chemistry ....................................................................................... 21
5 Magic Likeness-Creating Subjects: ................................................................................ 22
Conclusion .............................................................................................................................. 23

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2013 Sinns of Attraction. All rights reserved.

Introduction

Welcome to the Effortless Conversation System. Im Jon Sinn.
In this special report Im going to introduce you to my Effortless Conversation System;
a system thats helped thousands of guys just like you to meet, attract and seduce
beautiful women.
In just a few minutes Ill be walking you through every step of my complete 3 step
system, so you can make sure you NEVER have awkward conversations or end up in the
dreaded friend zone ever again.
But before I do, I want to talk to you about the 5 major problems men have talking to
women.
5 Major Problems When Talking to Women
Ive been teaching men to meet, approach, attract and seduce women for almost 10
years and in that time Ive worked with literally thousands of guys both in the field in boot
camps where I took guys into bars and clubs and demonstrated how to approach and how
to move things forward and also correct the things they were doing through phone
coaching with private students who paid a lot of money over the years to get my
perspective on their dating problems and through my products.
What Ive noticed is there are five basic things that every guy has encountered at one
point or another. Were going to go through them now.
Problem #1 Starting the Conversation
Most guys have a hard time getting the conversation started. They cant seem to
figure out what to say to break that seemingly immeasurable distance between two people
in a bar.
Theres good news and bad news when it comes to starting conversations.
The good news is what you say to start the conversation doesnt matter that much.
The bad news is that what you say to start the conversation doesnt matter that much.
A lot of guys live under the premise of what I like to call the Disney Myth. They
believe if only they were able to cross that divide and move their feet and mouth enough
to start a conversation with a woman that instantly that woman would be super into them
and everything would go okay.
The reason they think that is because in every Disney movie or every movie in the
world the guy, the main character, all he has to do is get up the courage to tell the girl hes
into her and then shes into him and they ride off into the sunset.
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Unfortunately, it doesnt work like that in the real world. You can say the perfect thing
at the perfect time with the perfect tonality to a girl and have her not be into it. And you
can say the wrong thing with the wrong tonality and the wrong everything and have a girl
be into it.
So dont worry about starting a conversation too much.
I have a program called The Ultimate Guide to Approaching if you need an opener or
have approach anxiety and really worry about what youre going to do and say, you
should check that course out. There are a ton of examples and all the most effective
testing and also my 4 Step Guide to Approach Anxiety which is very beatable and
something I taught a lot of guys to get over in a short amount of time.
So thats starting a conversation. You just have to pick an opener and do it and deal
with your approach anxiety, relax and all the things were not covering here today. What
were covering today is more about
Problem #2 Running Out of Things to Say
Running out of things to say and not being able to get the womans interest is a
common problem for most guys. Its like you can get it to go great when you start the
conversation and then eventually peter off.
Every guy has had that situation where theyve been talking to a girl and its going
well and things seem to be working and all of a sudden theyre like shit what do I do now?
I used to call it hitting the wall. You hit the wall going 90. Youre going and going and
all of a sudden you hit the wall, blank what do I do? So thats not a fun place to be and
another thing to keep in mind is not running out of things to say.
You have to be able to keep the conversation going in order to move it forward and
were going to talk about ways to do that today.
Problem #3 Weirding Girls Out
Third major problem guys have and this is the one no one diagnoses, they weird girls
out. What does that mean? Generally, it means coming across a little too desperate, a
little too eager and a little too anxious.
So we really want to avoid weirding the girl out by building comfort first. We want to
make sure the girl is comfortable.
You want to think about female comfort as something we need, almost like oxygen.
We really need to always be aware of the supply and how much of it were able to get. Its
very, very important.
A lot of guys are just not sure what to do, theyre very in their heads and dont have a
set game plan like youre going to have by the end of this video theyre very nervous and
twitchy and they creep the girl out. Its a variety of things from demonstrating too much
interest to not making good enough eye contact, etc.
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Problem #4 Chasing Way Too Hard
Another big thing guys do that messes up the entire courtship process is they do all
the chasing.
They pursue women too hard because they dont realize that ultimately the girl makes
the final choice and shes going to make the final choice like we all do, psychologically,
with the thing they invested the most in.
So we want to flip the chase and this is a really important part of this conversation
system.
You really want to pay attention when I talk about the ways to break the social
comfort and flip that chase switch.
If you do all the chasing youre going to have issues all the time with women because
theyre going to pick the person making them put the most in. And if youre doing
everything for the girl youre not letting her invest enough and do enough of the work then
shes not going to be as interested as she could be.
Problem #5 Cant Spark Natural Chemistry
The fifth problem most guys have is they cant seem to spark that natural chemistry
where everything seems to work.
Have you ever talked to a girl and everything just goes perfectly? Its weird. You
make jokes and she instantly gets them. You make references to things and she instantly
knows them. She brings up things youre into and you bring up things shes into. You go to
the same places at same times and kind of know the same people almost and have the
same experiences. Its like things just click thats what I call it.
For me, I can create that with almost any woman. If I can build attraction and a few
other things we have to do, I know how to build that spark that natural chemistry. Theres
actually a way to do it and Im going to teach it to you.
But for most people that natural chemistry happens maybe once every 3 to 4 years.
Some of my friends who arent good with women, its happened 3 or 4 times in their life up
to this point, early 30s or late 20s.
So when you cant spark that chemistry, even if youre getting success (and I say this
as someone who was getting success without great chemistry) it doesnt feel like success
should feel.
So until you learn to spark that natural chemistry everything will feel more difficult
than it needs to be. Thats not what I want for you and its not what you want for yourself,
so lets talk about how to solve this problem, these 5 problems really.
The solution is what I call my Effortless Conversation System.

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3 Steps to Effortless Conversations:
Let me introduce you to a powerful 3-part system thats going to solve all of your
problems when speaking to women.
Step #1 is all about building comfort before attraction. Well talk about why that is,
what I mean by that, how these things differ and why all that is important in just a minute.
Step #2 is to flip her chase switch. Once we got her comfortable we want to start
building attraction. But we want to build attraction by getting her to chase us. It might
sound very complicated, but its very easy to do. Actually, shockingly easy when you know
what youre doing.
Step #3 is to create that instant chemistry. You want everything to click. So she feels
like: Oh my god we have so much in common or that shes known you forever. You can
create that. Its not some weird ethereal coincidence; its simply a combination of a few
elements put into a formula that youre going to learn right now.
Im very excited for you, so pay attention, take a few notes and get ready to put this
powerful conversation system into effect the next time you talk to a girl.
So lets dive in
STEP #1 - Comfort Before Attraction
A first step in starting a conversation with a woman, with anyone really, with a
stranger is to do it in a way that makes her comfortable socially and allows us to move on
to a normal conversation without the woman feeling weird.
This is where you need to build what I call Social Comfort. So depending on what
your background is with dating products and reading about picking up or dating women,
whatever you want to call this, you may have heard some different things about comfort
and attraction.
Lets talk briefly about the difference between those two and why were doing it the
way were doing it.
Way back in the day, the thinking was to first start a conversation and build attraction,
then qualify the woman and then build comfort.
Well the problem with that was the way to build attraction, as youre going to see, is
socially awkward if you dont have a little bit of comfort.
Ill phrase it like this, have you ever been at a party or something and someone said
something that was like a backhanded compliment to you? Thats kind of what we have to
do a little bit of to build attraction.
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Of course, sometimes you can throw stuff out there and it will work. If you have higher
social status, youre better looking, if you have social proof, etc. You can throw it out
there and it will work like 50-50. But if you build some social comfort is much better.
What is Social Comfort?
Back in the day comfort was getting to know you type stuff; you would build rapport,
build trust and intimacy, etc. That stuff is still good and you still have to do it before youll
get laid sometimes, but not all the time.
Sometimes you can go straight from attraction to sex. It depends on the girl and the
environment. But for the most part youre going to need to do the getting to know you stuff
with 75 to 80% of women.
So that comfort is still good, but you dont want to do it right away because its still a
little too heavy and boring, especially in a bar or club. If youre meeting a girl in like a yoga
class you can do comfort right away and be good. But if youre in a more attraction based
location then you want to keep that until a bit later.
But social comfort isnt like rapport. Social comfort is more like social skills.
The idea of social comfort came to me when I used to teach for Mystery Method and
would meet guys at boot camps who were just socially awkward.
They had been engineers or computer kids their whole like. I myself was a computer
kid and a nerd and not popular in high school or college in any type of social setting.
Every now and then I get invited to parties in Hollywood Hills with quasi-famous
people or at least famous club promoters and Im not that cool compared to them. I still
get girls, but its different because people are like really high level.
So I had to learn all that stuff and I met a lot of guys who have to learn this stuff from
the ground up.
Its about creating social comfort and making a good first impression without creeping
people out.
I always say the best test for social comfort - and I used to teach this on boot camps -
was to talk to a group of people, 2 guys and 2 girls, and you talk to them for 10 minutes
and then I come up and ask what their first impression of you was. And, theyd say you
seemed nice.
Funny, but a lot of people think I dont want to be a nice guy; Ive been a nice guy all
my life.
Same with you, youve been a nice guy with your friends and family who know you
and are comfortable with you. You havent necessarily been a nice guy and social and
outgoing. You may have come across creepy. Or you may just stand there or freak out or
get nervous and say weird and inappropriate things. You never know what you might do
with strangers until you start approaching strangers.
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So when I say social comfort its just my way of saying social skills and not weirding
people out. Social comfort is about giving the girl time to get comfortable talking to you
before we start trying to build attraction.
Were not going to go in and try to have her make a choice being attracted to us right
away if we dont have to. We dont want to force her to too early. Early on we want her to
think okay I like talking to this guy.
Attraction doesnt have to be in the first 30 seconds. It would be ideal if it was, but it
doesnt have to be.
There have been a lot of girls who werent into me in the first 2 or 3 minutes and then
they got comfortable and then were attracted to me and wanted to have sex with me.
So its important you understand that the social comfort needs to come before the
attraction.
Think about it like this:
Comfort can exist without attraction,
but attraction cant really exist without comfort

Basically, if youre not comfortable with someone, youre not going to be attracted to
them right?

This is why people have problems with cheaters. Heres an example of something
that happened to me years and years ago

I was coming out of a club one night there was this pretty hot, scantily clad girl down
this alley, saying Hey come on down here. Im like, Ah Im not going down that alley,
you come up here. She was like no you come down here. Anyway, it probably wasnt
anything. I think she might have said her friend was peeing or something and I said Id
wait. But I didnt see a friend and it just seemed sketchy so I left. She was very hot; I just
wasnt comfortable with the situation, so my attraction couldnt be acted on in that
situation.
My point is, if that happens to a dude, then it happens to girls too. Girls arent
comfortable with weirdoes or strange silences, awkwardness, all these things Im going to
teach you the skills to avoid really soon.
Like a Vacuum and a Flame
Social comfort is all about making people comfortable with you. Its the first step in
starting a conversation.
As I just talked about, attraction cannot exist without comfort. Its like a vacuum and a
flame; I was saving that analogy because I knew I had this picture.
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So if you imagine a vacuum and a flame and you put a vacuum around a flame it puts
it out. Social comfort is that flame. Without it, you put the vacuum on attraction, and its no
good.
So its very, very important that you aim for that first.
In fact, when I take on private coaching students, I actually work with them exclusively
on social comfort for the first 2 to 3 weeks, just because its that important to build a solid
base.
Its the same as training in martial arts; you want to build a solid foundation, solid
stance and make sure that youre building from the ground up. Like, if youre building a
house you need that solid foundation.
Social comfort is the solid foundation of all social skills because in addition to being
the first part of any interaction. You can use it with any person you meet, no matter if its in
a business or social context. Thats whats so beautiful about social comfort to me. The
same 25 skills Im going to show you are useful in any social situation.
At work theyre useful in getting things from people on hold, dealing with bill payers,
dealing with lawyers, police, bouncers and people like that. Its so important when youre
meeting peoples parents, dealing with friends. Its just really important.
For example, I went to my friends birthday party. It was at her parents house and got
introduced to her dad. It was good social comfort. He liked me and asked me to help him
with some things and he really liked me. Thats because I have good social comfort skills
but its not a natural thing.
Not only does it start the first part of any interaction. It also fills in the space between
using tactics and techniques. You can only use tactics and techniques so much. You cant
just rattle them off. Its not like everything is going to be a tactic. You need to fill that space
in the middle somehow. And unlike attraction, with enough practice, you should be able to
create social comfort easily with anyone.
Sometimes people arent going to be attracted to you based on looks, blood type,
pheromones, or any other random things.
If you read enough evolutionary psychology and the works of Ellen Fisher, you learn
about the weird things that influence attraction that are literally out of your control.
But with social comfort you can get attraction with anyone. You should be able to
have normal conversations with anyone you approach who speaks back to you.
Sure, sometimes people wont speak back to you because they dont speak the
language, they dont hear you, or theyre very anti-social and dont want to talk to anyone.
But dont confuse social comfort with being boring.
Rapport based comfort too early is boring. This is not where youre going to ask the
girls where theyre from or what they do or what their relationship with their dad was like.
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This is where youre going to be fun and light and do it in a way that utilizes these 25
skills were about to go over.
When does social comfort happen? Social comfort happens from the second you
finish your opener, until the girl would rather you stay and talk then leave.
So literally from the second you start a conversation, Hey Im Jon its nice to meet
you. And she says, Hi Im Sophia ... I go cool, now Im in social comfort!
The hook point of social comfort is where the girls would rather stay and talk to you
then have you leave.
Notice I said, rather stay and talk to you not be attracted to you.
If the girls are interested and just being polite about it thats fine. You can now move
to the 2
nd
step of my 3-Part Effortless Conversation System, because they dont need to
be attracted. They just need to be more into you talking to them than you leaving.
A clue is when girls dont want to talk to you. They give you one word answers and
its kind of obvious they want you to leave. However, when you learn social comfort that
shouldnt happen to you very often, if ever.
Lets talk about these skills I keep mentioning.
Comfort Building Social Skills
When it comes to conversations with strangers and Ive waffled on this many a times
and so Im going to give you the best kind of working theory here. But, dont take this as
Gospel. You can be flexible. You dont have to do or hit exactly what Im talking about.
They want to do most of the talking and have you just hit on them and tell them their
pretty and sexy and escalate, and thats fine. With those girls you shouldnt think: Oh this
girl is talking to me and seems to really like me, but Im not talking enough, so I need to fix
that.
But in general in the broadest, widest spectrum a proper conversational ratio is about
70% you and 30% girl/group.
What that means is youre doing a little more than twice the talking and thats ideal.
It used to be 90/10; people used to think you should do 90% of the talking and thats
a fucking monologue my friend. Thats something normal people just dont do.
There are many pick up artists of mysterious origins who just rant at girls and some
girls are into them, but not very many. Yeah talking 90% is way too much, even 75% is a
lot; 70% a little over twice is good. Do about twice as much talking and mostly just to steer
things forward.

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As the man, its our job to move things forward. Well talk about that when we talk
about transitioning between topics, the 4
th
skill.
You have to know how to use questions. Let me give you some knowledge about
questions. Im about to drop some truth bombs on you here, the big Jon bombs.
In the dating community, youll often see questions be kind of mocked if youre the
question man asking: Where are you from? What do you do? etc. Sure, its not a good
idea to ask a bunch of questions especially early on, but its not true for the reasons the
people who mock it think it is.
The Law of Reciprocity
The reason its not a good idea to ask a bunch of questions is because of the Law of
Reciprocity. The Law of Reciprocity states that the more someone gives us up front, the
more were going to give them back.
Robert Cialdini the writer of the book, Influence, talks about this law in his book.
So what that means socially is that people of all types are going to respond more to
people who give things about themselves, information, because thats really what were
exchanging in social interactions.
Information makes us more or less attractive than our starting attraction.
If you think about the dating marketplace thats how it works. Your attractiveness is
kind of like an auction, it goes for what people will buy it for. In other words, if youre a girl,
your attractiveness goes for whatever the open market value is to dudes. Now dudes are
pretty desperate, so anything above a 6 gets a lot of attention and anyone above an 8
gets her pick of the litter.
As a guy, its kind of different. Were going to have to start wherever we start and
lower our value to correspond and match up.
If Im talking to a girl who is hot and just ask her for information and keep asking her
for information shes going to start feeling like shes just giving and Im taking and thats
what happens when you barrage girls with questions. When you go, where you from?
New York. You go cool, what do you do? She says: Im a dancer. You go awesome, I
like dancers. Then you say how do you like LA now?
So whats going on is shes given you all these things about her but she doesnt know
where youre from or what you do and doesnt know anything about you.
Instead, we want to give answers to questions before we ask them.
Talk About Yourself First:
Generally, as an overall social strategy, if you want to ask a question youre going to
talk about yourself and answer the question first.
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So if Im going to ask a girl what the most adventurous thing shes ever done is? Im
going to say the most adventurous thing I ever did was XYZ and then after I tell that Im
going to ask her what the most adventurous thing she ever did was and shell give a
response back. So thats kind of how the Law of Reciprocity works.
Now lets talk about how to use questions correctly.
Asking the Right Questions
In general, in social comfort you want to use questions in one of three ways for three
specific things.
First, you want to use them to transition between topics.
So if Im talking to a girl and dont know where to go with it, I might say, Where are
you from? Shell say Orange County. Now I can talk about anything to do with Orange
County. I like to surf and Orange County has surfing, I watch the Housewives of Orange
County, I have relatives in Orange County so there are various things I can get onto the
subject about.
I use questions to transition between subjects. Dont worry when we get to
transitioning between topics Ill remind you of that.
Second, we use questions to tell stories.
I can say where are you from? And she says, Newport Beach. I go, Cool, I grew up
in Venice, but my parents used to take me to Newport a lot because my grandma lives
down there and she always told me Now I can go into a story about what my grandma
always told me and how it affected my life, etc and give her information about me.
Thats really one of the overall themes of social comfort. We want to give the
girl/group of people information about us, in order to get them comfortable giving us
information about them, and so we can tell stories.
Third, we use questions to tease.
For example: Where are you from? Orange County... Oh my god mental note,
stay away from this girl. Youre probably just like those girls on the Orange County TV
show or like those Real Housewives of Orange County, I can see it. Its a great reason to
ask a question.
So thats basically it. We want to use questions to transition, to tell stories or to
tease. If youre just asking a question to tread water dont use it.
Turn Questions into Statements
Another strategy you can use to get the same information - if you need it to move on -
is to take any question and turn it into a statement. So, rather than asking for information,
youre fishing for it.
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For example, if I want to ask a girl where shes from, I say: You totally look like a
Newport girl. Youre like 949 for sure.
This is a really good routine I use a lot to figure out where girls are from without
asking them where theyre from right away. So if Im in New York, I might say: Youre not
212 youre like 917 or possibly 646. If Im in Miami, Ill be like Youre 305 but I dont
know, its possible youre 786. Then you can kind of tease her about whatever area code
you think she is. Thats a fun one.
So the things I just said about asking questions apply to Social Questions.
Social questions are questions you only ask at social events that really are kind of not
real questions and you dont lose any points for asking them.
An example of a social question would be youre at a party and meet a girl and say,
so who do you know at the party? Say were at a party at Erics house so, how do you
know Eric? What brought you out tonight? Whats on the agenda? You guys celebrating
something?
These are all social questions. These are all things you can say that dont cost you
any social capital, so be aware of those.
Making Observations
Another good way to transition is by making observations.
These observations can either be canned or real. Meaning, you can make
observations about her energy, fashion, or some positive non-sexual physical things like
cute smile, nice eyes, pretty hair, nice nails things like that. Or they can be canned and
there are a lot of routines out there for transitions.
You can transition with cold reads too. Cold reads are mini little pills of sentence that
tell her things about herself.
For example, You seem a little nervous do you get clumsy when youre nervous? Or
I can tell youre kind of shy but once people get to know you I bet youre really wild and
crazy. Thats another way to transition.
Phrasal Transitions
You can also transition by just changing the subject and talking about something
different.
This is what we call phrasal transitions. You simply say something like: That
reminds me ofcheck this outIve got to tell you about etc.
These comments will bridge one phrase to a next phrase. There are others, but those
will get you started. You should really pick one way to transition and get really good at that
first.
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Tell Her About You
You need to talk about yourself because it builds social comfort.
Generally, giving them information about you that you hope will make you more
attractive and thats really what talking about yourself is all about.
In social comfort the goal is to fill in the picture.
What I like to do is say stuff like: My mom always told me or saidor I have a sister
whoor I have a niece who It tells girls about you and who you are as a person. Plus,
it establishes that youre not a weirdo or stranger pick up desperado at the bar who is just
trying to get laid. Well talk about that more when we get to the idea of grounding.
Using Regional References
Regional references are great. In every city there are things that go on. There are
places everyone knows about.
For example, in LA there are obvious references like the Hollywood Walk of Fame or
the Hollywood sign. Or the La Brea Tarpits as Adam Corrella says are a monument of low
self esteem. Any other city would pave it over but LA says: Hey we got a big shitty hole
with a bunch of tar in it. Come celebrate with us. Its where Biggie Smalls was shot up the
road from there, rest in peace.
But knowing these regional things in your city is very powerful, especially in the bar or
club scene. You should know about the town and what good clubs there are. Stuff like that
is good for social comfort, because it connects you like youre one of them. And thats a
big part of social comfort.
Using Current Events
This one is kind of obvious, but talk about news, pop culture stuff and things that are
currently going on. Those things help you build social comfort, because theyre normal
things people know about and can easily talk about. Talk radio subjects basically.
Setting a Comfortable Pace
The speed at which you talk - and the amount you talk - are really important. You
need to pace yourself, so you can slowly talk less and less.
We want to talk the most up front, but after that we want to slow it down and let them
get more and more involved.
Use Interactivity and Check Ins
We dont want to have a monologue. They are boring! Only crazy people, weirdoes,
actors and comedians talk in monologue fashion.

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I myself used to have major issues with this. Often, Id get asked if I was a standup
comic due to the way I speak and annunciate my vocal words.
The idea is to break up what youre saying with interactivity and check ins. So youre
not going on and on.
Be careful though because interactivity can be real fake.
You have to do interactivity the real way by getting them involved.
It starts with what I call Check Ins and every once in a while Ill say, am I right? Do
you know what Im saying? This girl knows what Im talking about, right? So every once in
a while you have to check in with them. This gives them the chance to talk. You can let
them talk for a little bit which breaks it up.
Also, you ask questions. Have you ever had something like that happen to you? Isnt
that the worse? Have you ever heard anything worse than that? Questions allow the
conversation to be more interactive. And, the more they interact the more theyre going to
like us.
Grounding Your Personality
Grounding is how you talk about yourself that explains how youre going to act in the
future.
So when I say something like I wanted to be a writer growing up and so Im arrogant
enough to think all my opinions are important. Im ground myself for making arrogant,
cocky comments in the future.
If I say, I had sisters and teasing is a form of affection in our family, so I always tease
and Im sorry sometimes I can be a little rough. Thats a grounding technique.
If I say, I speak English, Spanish and sarcasm as 2
nd
languages Im preparing the
girls for me to be sarcastic. We have to ground our personality.
If youre an engineer you might say, Sorry Im an engineer and sometimes I might
think about things really analytically or if youre someone who is not super social you
might have to say, Sorry Im kind of shy and it always takes me a minute to meet new
people and get warmed up.
Grounding is about setting the stage for who you are.
Its like in a movie or book. They dont start in the middle. They first set the stage and
give you a couple of scenes to teach you to like the characters. When youre grounding
you are teaching the girl to like the character, and were setting the stage for who we are.
Share Your Interests
When youre grounding yourself, talk about things youre interested in too. Telling
girls about the things you like will make you more interesting as a person and will fill in
who you are.
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Relating To Common Things
Relating is another thing you can do with questions. I forgot to mention that earlier but
you can always relate. You can say oh youre from Colorado? I love Colorado I used to go
snowboarding there all the time. Relating is just showing that you have things in common.
Its basically saying hey you do that? I do that too. Yeah!!!
Using Names
Peoples names are their favorite word. This is some old school Napoleon Hill stuff,
but its true.
Im really into Jonathan Franzen. I wasnt a big fan of his book The Corrections I but I
really liked his book Freedom. So I tell people I like him because (a) it makes me sound
smart, and (b) his name is Jonathan and my name is Jonathan and I think about that all
the time. Im like well at least we have the same name and at least hes holding it down for
Jonathans everywhere.
So try to use the persons name, especially with girls. Using names is good.
Sometimes its hard. I have the worse habit of forgetting girls names. I have to
concentrate on it, even to this day. If I dont consciously think Melanie, Melanie, Melanie
then Ill forget her name. Saying, Melanie you have a very cute smile, then forgetting her
name doesnt work as well.
Be Enthusiastic
Enthusiasm is contagious. The more enthusiastic you are about what you have to say
the more people are going to respond to it.
Be Positive
Nobody wants to hang around with a downer, so keep things positive.
I am funny and sarcastic, so I can get away with it, but most people cant. Its easier
to be positive.
I do it because thats who I am. But every now and then, I take social hits for being
sarcastic. Sometimes people respond badly to sarcasm. My friends who are more positive
tend to do better.
Show Genuine Interest
Part of social comfort is really paying attention to people. Try to give them
complements to make sure they feel good about themselves.
Self Commentary
I like using self commentary. Commenting on what is going on is great.
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Ill say things like, I am hitting on you in a bar or Right now youre looking really
weirded out. Maybe I did something weird already, lets start again.
Self commentary shows a level of social intelligence. Its like you get the temperature
of the room and you can see where they are. Its way better than being super convinced
theyre into you when theyre not.
Using Hooks
Hooks are basically unfinished threads. Open threads so to speak.
So if I say something like, Oh yeah when I was in Russia I had a crazy time. Theyre
going to go what? When were you in Russia? Or if I say, Im totally in the wrong business
because I hate flying. People are going to go wait what do you do? Or if I say I really
need to meet a different type of girl, because I always end up with these crazy girls.
Someone is going to say, Wow you end up with crazy girls?
Hooks are a way to get people to interact more to ask you questions.
Opening Loops
Open loops are unfinished thoughts that create suspense. Humans love conclusions,
so anything unfinished prompts people to ask questions.
For example, if I tell you: The greatest thing in the world is But then I dont finish
the thought, this is an open loop. Even pausing is an open loop.
Role Playing
Role playing is a very powerful attraction technique. Its where you create a fantasy
world with the girl.
You go, You know what were going to do? Were going to run away or youll be like
my secretary and Im going to dress you up in these outfits and were going to take over
the world politically. Im going to be like the new white Obama, and then you a bunch of
things to do.
Role playing paints a vivid picture. They are powerful and work really well.
Group Dynamics
Knowing the dynamics of the group is very powerful. You need to know who the
boyfriend is, who the brother is, how they know each other -- stuff like that.
Staying Relaxed
To create social comfort you have to be relaxed. Pay attention to your breathe.
Breathe slowly, and be prepared. Knowing what youre going to talk about will help
you to stay calm and help you be relaxed for the mental part of social comfort.
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Put Yourself Out There
You cant be afraid of rejection. You got to put yourself out there. Social comfort is
about opening up and giving people a sense of who you are.
It only works if you share stuff about yourself. Otherwise they wont be that
entertained, or you wont be that interesting. Youve got to give them something.
All right, you should have a good idea about the first step of the Effortless
Conversation System: Social Comfort, lets move onto the second step.
STEP #2 Flipping the Switch
Once youve established some social comfort using the tactics Ive just described, its
time to start working on creating attraction.
We do this by breaking the social comfort, we just established, and then using the
tools of attraction.
Its the crossover point. We break social comfort and crossover from Step 1 to Step 2.
Mystery Method and other methods that assume you go for attraction right away have
their flaws. I just singled out Mystery Method because I worked for them. The problem is
you cant break social comfort with someone whos not socially comfortable with you.
What happened was this: we would take guys out, and they would start conversations
with girls and then they would immediately try to break the social comfort. But, you cant
tease someone who isnt interested in talking to you yet!
So these guys would start to tease and do all these things that can be done in social
comfort, but they did it too soon. Because when the girls dont want to talk to you there is
nothing there. You cant be like oh youre not getting any from me. And the girl would be
like well I dont want any; I dont even want to talk to you.
Ive seen that happen in boot camps a lot of times. I even had it happen to me years
and years ago.
The idea is to create social comfort, then break it. Because when you break social
comfort, they respond by chasing the social comfort. This gives us the time to begin to
focus on attracting her.
Think about social comfort as this warm hot tub. Its a warm comfortable pool of
water. You start talking to the girl and its socially comfortable. Shes laughing and
learning about us. And, she wants to keep talking. Maybe shes interested. Maybe shes
not. Maybe she has a boyfriend, or not, either way she wants to keep talking. She likes
this.
Next, we want to break that social comfort. We want to pour a bucket of cold water
over her head, or even better, toss her into a cold pool. What will happen is as soon as
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she gets thrown in that cold pool shes going to want to jump out and jump back to the
warm, right?
So when we respond positively, and hit on her, its easier to move the conversation
forward and create attraction and chemistry. So when we hit step 3, shes going to
respond very positively which is exactly the kind of response we need to get.
Its not that we want to get it, but most of the time when a girl is neutral and not really
into you, you need to do this to move things forward.
Breaking Social Comfort
So lets talk about the 3 most common ways to break social comfort. The 3 most
common ways are:
(1) Teasing: This one is pretty obvious, but well go through it anyway and Ill give
you a couple of examples;
(2) Push / Pull: Push/pull is really powerful. Its one of the overall dynamics with
women you want to be aware of.
(3) Physical Teasing: How to use your body to physically tease the girl.

First, lets talk about what teasing is.

Teasing is the art of saying something rude, but communicating the idea of I like
you.

Wayne Juggler had a great definition. He said that, Teasing is the art of saying
something sarcastic but meaning I like you and thats what we want to communicate.

So when were teasing, were breaking social comfort. Remember, we can do that
because weve already established the social comfort and now she wants to talk to us.
And, we can tease without it instantly blowing the interaction out (which in my opinion is
the danger with Mystery Method and all the ones that tell you to tease and insult the girl
right away.)

Okay, so we start to tease, which will cause the girl to have that hot tub reaction and
want to get back into social comfort. Then we can escalate and move things forward.
And, I want to tease, but I dont want to say anything too mean. So Ill say something
like: I can already tell you and I are never going to get along or You are trouble or
Youre just too much of a nice girl for me.
These are all things shell go No! and hit me and laugh and were going to move
forward. But now Ive flipped her chase switch a bit and now shes thinking okay I want to
get him to like me more. I want him to win me over. See how it works?
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Thats what we want. We want to win her over, so we can prove how alike we are.
And she wants to prove how alike we are, and then we can move things forward.
Another way to do this is physical teasing. This happens when you playfully physically
rejecting a woman.
Some common ways to do this are putting your arm around her and then pushing her
away. Ill put my arm around a girl and go Oh my god youre so awesome but then
push her away.
Or Ill pull her in and tell her I hate her or turn my back on her or playfully push, flick,
bump or play fight with her grab her arms and make her punch herself. Not hard
obviously, dont beat or attack or hurt women in any way. But sometimes Ill grab her
hands and put them on her face, just like physically mess with her.
But its more of physically rejecting her, not physical accepting her (like hugging and
kissing and trying to hold hands, etc).
And lastly, push/pull. This is a specific type of communication where you apply
opposites. A few paragraphs ago, I talked about hugging her while telling her you hate
her. That was also an example of push/pull.
Push/pull is about telling her shes adorable, but she has to leave you alone. Or
telling her that shes cute and you hate cute girls.
When you think about push/pull, think about balancing a seesaw.
If you weigh your seesaw down with just teasing, then you run the risk of being an
asshole. If you weigh your seesaw down with just compliments and hitting on the girl, you
run the risk of getting friend zoned because youre giving her too much attention and not
betting anything back.
Women, especially Western women from the US, tend to have these semi narcissistic
personalities. Its like the more someone does for them, the more someone tries to do for
them the less they respect them.
We want to avoid doing that. We dont want to be too all over her, because she wont
like us as much. Sure, she may sleep with us, if we have enough value or if were
attractive enough, but shes never going really give you the respect you want.
So we want to balance that seesaw with teases and compliments.
And we can do that physically by hugging her and telling her we hate her. We can do
it verbally by telling her that shes cute and she has to go. Or, we can do a combination of
physical and verbal.
So be aware of this whole dynamic, because push/pull is successful concept with
women, and far more than an idea for specific conversation tactics. So, using only
push/pull lines is not as effective as internalizing the overall idea, and using the push/pull
concept and as something you can grow into.
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Step #3 - Creating Instant Chemistry
Okay, so weve creates social comfort, then weve broken it (created that whirlpool
effect) and now comes step three of the Effortless Conversation System: creating instant
chemistry.
When it comes to creating instant chemistry, the best possible tool we have for this is
what I like to call Likeness.
What is likeness?
When you create likeness, you manufacture the idea that you and the woman are
very similar.
You do this by showing her the otherwise unseen commonalities, such as restaurants
you go to, people you know in common, pop culture references you both like and more.
Likeness is the key to chemistry that no other dating guru is aware of.
When you click with women, its because you talk about things you like, its all
likeness.
In fact, if you read any basic social psychology book, youll see a ton of studies that
indicated the #1 thing between married couples and sexual partners is commonalities.
Having things in common, doing the same things, liking the same things, responding
to the same things, having the same kind of humor. All that stuff is the major academic
explanation for attraction in all its varied forms.
So this is something no one else talks about as far as I know, and something thats so
powerful. And, likeness is the best way to warm a cold approach for the average guy.
Why is likeness so important?
By showing her you like the same food, go to the same clubs, and know people
through 1 to 2 degrees of separation, you build likeness and stop being a stranger.
One of the major reasons women dont have sex is due to reputational damage or
fear of rape and killing of strangers.
You can warm her up and show her youre not a crazy stranger, or a weirdo, that
youre not going to take advantage by talking about the things in common. Show her you
go to the same places, hang with the same people etc.
This builds a lot of trust and connection. Its like its like almost a natural thing that the
two of you will hang out and be friends, because you do the same things anyway.
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5 Magic Likeness-Creating Subjects:

1. Schools/Camps/Childhood memories in this area. Learn your regional references.
They are an amazing way to build likeness. My roommate came back from a work
training the other day here in LA and he said half the people were from USC and the
other half from UCLA. If you know anything about those schools (Im from LA so I do
and I went to one of them) youll meet a lot of girls who went to one of those schools
camps. When I meet girls from UCLA who are around my age, and were wealthier, we
talk about camps, childhood memories, what we did: public pools, beach things, the
earthquake. This is an amazing way to build likeness.

2. Food: This one is like my secret subjects. The one thing I talk to girls the most about
is food. I build likeness through liking the same things food, restaurants, diets, etc.
Talking about food is a surefire way to build likeness, because everybody loves food.
Nobody thinks food is overrated. Everybody likes to eat.

3. Local Celebrities: Every area has local celebrities. In the club scene these are
promoters and DJs. In the yoga scene they are celebrated teachers. In the networking
scene they are organizers. By name dropping these people you have in common you
establish credibilitys and commonalities that will build likeness.

4. Favorite local spots: In every town there is a best hamburger, karaoke bar, running
trail and cup of coffee. By knowing what some of these places are you build likeness,
especially if you and the girl agree or disagree on what that is. If I say the best
running/hiking trail is Runyon Canyon and she says it is Will Rogers Park we can have
a good conversation about that and were going to want to go hang out and do similar
things and so thats always good.

5. Pop Culture: Talk about pop culture. If you hit the right pop culture commonality it
can create amazing chemistry. I was in this bar in Scottsdale, Arizona called Martini
Ranch and I was talking to this girl and she was so hot. She had the sexiest accent
and she was awesome, but it wasnt going well. Her friends were making fun of me
and being mean. But then I started talking about R Kellys track and said, I think Im
just going to go home and watch R Kelly and she was like oh my god I love it. In
the end, we hit it off and ended up going home that night together, and I still see her
when I go to the area. So pop culture is a great subject. It can even turn bad
interactions around. Its that popular in creating likeness.
So those are the best five subjects to discuss for making that chemistry happen.
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Conclusion
Okay, lets recap what we covered in my 3 step Effortless Conversation System.
First, we learned that the three steps are:
1. Comfort before attraction
2. Flip her chase switch
3. Create instant chemistry

We also defined and explained what Social Comfort means. I showed you some killer
tactics to use to build social comfort.
Next, we talked about breaking social comfort to elevate attraction, and how to flip the
chase switch.
And, lastly, we discussed creating instant chemistry, and what subjects I use to create
likeness and attraction.
So, you have everything you need to get out there and start great conversations, and
attraction.
If you want to take your game to the next level, I highly encourage you to check out my
flagship course on getting more women into your bed than you know what to do with.
You can see a free video by going to www.SeductionRoadMap.com.
In that video youll see my number 1 tool for creating sexual attraction. The video will
show you how to shorten the time between meeting a woman and getting her into bed. It
covers some great stuff on how to build sexual attraction.
I highly encourage you to click on that link, and check it out right now, while all the stuff
you just leant is still fresh in your mind.
Youll find the video at www.SeductionRoadMap.com.

Until next time!
Jon Sinn