The Afearing of Mr.

Bibbles:
A Ten Minute Horror Play
by
Larry Pontius
Larry Pontius
1060 South Sherbourne Dr. #208
Los Angeles, CA 90035
LPontius@gmail.com
512-659-9279 (cell)
CHARACTERS
Melissa
Mr. Bibbles, a party clown
Around the same age, in very different places in their lives
TIME and PLACE
The living room in Melissa's upscale one bedroom apartment.
Lights up. Mr. BIBBLES, a party clown in full clown
regalia. Big hair, big shoes, red nose, etc. He has a bag
of tricks. He’s looking at MELISSA, well dressed, well to
do. She sits on the couch, holding a glass. He stands in
the middle of the living room. A coffee table in between
them. A bottle of booze sits on it.
MR. BIBBLES
Are you serious?
MELISSA
Yes. I am, Mr. Bibbles.
MR. BIBBLES
(taking a step towards her.)
I don’t normally--
MELISSA
(frightened)
Woah, woah, please, don’t come any closer.
Beat. Mr. Bibbles takes a step back. His shoes squeak.
MELISSA
Yeah. Just. Stay. Stay over there.
MR. BIBBLES
Ok.
Melissa calms down.
MR. BIBBLES
Better?
Melissa nods.
MR. BIBBLES
Let me get this straight: there are no kids?
MELISSA
No, there are no kids.
MR. BIBBLES
And you want me to perform just for you?
Melissa nods. Mr. Bibbles takes a step towards Melissa,
trying to ask a follow up question. She pulls back,
squeaking in fear. Mr. Bibbles steps back. He gives her a
moment to regain her composure.
MR. BIBBLES
Is everything ok?
MELISSA
Are you going to perform for me or not?
MR. BIBBLES
Seriously, are you like ok?
MELISSA
I’m fine. I’m FINE. I’m asking you--
MR. BIBBLES
Because you seem--
MELISSA
Two hundred dollars.
MR. BIBBLES
I’m sorry?
MELISSA
Two hundred dollars. I’ll give you two hundred dollars if you stay and perform for me.
MR. BIBBLES
Just for you?
MELISSA
God, are you deaf?
MR. BIBBLES
Woah.
Melissa takes a breath. She takes a drink. Then.
MELISSA
I would like you to stay.
2.
MR. BIBBLES
And only perform for you? That’s weird. I don’t really do solo acts. I mean. I perform
by myself, I don’t--
MELISSA
I know what you mean. Three hundred dollars.
MR. BIBBLES
Three?
MELISSA
Surely you could use three hundred dollars.
MR. BIBBLES
You have three hundred dollars to spend on a clown?
She pulls out a wad of cash. She drops three bills on the
table. Mr. Bibbles steps closer. She raises a finger in
warning. He stops moving.
MELISSA
I want you to do your act. Just like you do for the kids.
Mr. Bibbles isn’t so sure.
MR. BIBBLES
This is weird.
MELISSA
What is it going to take? For you to do your act, right here, in front of me?
Beat. Mr. Bibbles thinks about this.
MR. BIBBLES
Five hundred dollars.
Beat.
MELISSA
Alright.
She adds money to the pile. She picks up her drink. Her
hand shakes.
MELISSA
Do it.
3.
She takes a drink. Then looks at him. Mr. Bibbles is
clearly not ready. He looks around. She clear her throat.
He nods and smiles. He puts his bag of tricks down. He
steps back and sort of runs into an “opening.”
MR. BIBBLES
Yowza! Yowza! Yowza! HEY--!
MELISSA
You don’t--
MR. BIBBLES
Huh?
MELISSA
You don’t have a silly clown voice?
Beat.
MR. BIBBLES
Right. Sorry. I was thrown off--
MELISSA
Uh-huh.
MR. BIBBLES
Because, you know--
MELISSA
SILLY CLOWN VOICE.
Beat.
MR. BIBBLES
(with funny voice)
Hey, MELISSA, guess what time it is--
MELISSA
Time for you to do your entrance! You are SO unprofessional.
Mr. Bibbles takes a step towards her, she recoils.
MELISSA
I’m paying you a lot of money, a lot of money. Just do your entrance, start over, start over.
Beat. Mr. Bibbles takes it in stride. He “enters” again.
4.
MR. BIBBLES
Yowza! Yowza! Yowza! HEY, Melissa! Are you ready to have fun, fun, FUN.
Melissa nods rapidly, almost on the verge of tears. Mr.
Bibbles sees that something is wrong, but she tells him to
keep going, keep going.
MR. BIBBLES
Do you like animals, Melissa? Who doesn’t like animals?
He pulls a balloon from his pocket, he STRETCHES it,
does all the stuff a party clown does. Melissa is
whimpering. Mr. Bibbles inflates the balloon, it extends
out towards Melissa. She begins to hyperventilate. Mr.
Bibbles presses forward, he begins twisting and turning
the balloon, the whole time making “cute noises.” The
balloon is transformed into a dog like thing.
MR. BIBBLES
Ta DAH!
He displays the balloon animal.
MELISSA
It’s. HORRIBLE. That is HORRIBLE. It doesn’t even look like a dog.
MR. BIBBLES
(breaking character)
Come on. Can’t you just enjoy the show?
MELISSA
I don’t know, can’t you just be a fucking clown?
MR. BIBBLES
HEY, LADY. I am doing my best--
MELISSA
Which is pretty shit--
MR. BIBBLES
I’m dying up here, with all of your tears, and noises--
5.
MELISSA
I see, you think you’re “dying” up there because I’m not laughing, you’re not “killing” me
with your OH so original ugly balloon dog routine--
MR. BIBBLES
This isn’t worth it. I’m charging you an asshole tax. I’m taking my money and I’m going.
He strides towards her, squeak, squeak, squeak. She
recoils. He reaches for the money. She screams. From
between the couch cushion, she draws a KNIFE and
STABS his hand. Right through, into the table. HE
SCREAMS, and falls to his knees on the floor, hand
pinned to the table.
Melissa steps away from the table. Looking at what just
happened.
MR. BIBBLES
You stabbed my hand! You fucking stabbed me! Are you insane?
MELISSA
DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME INSANE! YOU FUCKING CLOWN.
She takes a breath. Mr. Bibbles is breathing fast.
MELISSA
Not laughing now, now that the shoe is on the other foot.
MR. BIBBLES
What...? What are you talking about?
MELISSA
Like you don’t know. CLOWN.
From a bag she pulls out a pair of handcuffs.
MR. BIBBLES
What the fuck?
Mr. Bibbles reaches for the knife, she gets there first. She
wiggles it. He is intense pain. As she continues to twist it,
he shifts.
6.
MELISSA
I’m going to be honest with you. I didn’t think I would be able to go through with today.
The idea of looking at my greatest fear right in the eye. Confronting that fear. I couldn’t
sleep at all last night.
She lets go of the knife. Mr. Bibbles collapses. She takes
his other hand and handcuffs it to the table leg. He’s
trapped. Exposed.
MELISSA
Since I was four years old I have lived in terror of you.
MR. BIBBLES
Me?
MELISSA
Don’t you remember that birthday party? You soaked me with water. And you laughed,
you laughed that stupid laugh of yours. Do it, do that laugh.
MR. BIBBLES
Lady, that wasn’t me. We’re like the same age. I was four when you were four!
MELISSA
Don’t lie to me. Same hair. Same nose. Same stupid shoes.
She moves around the apartment, collecting other
important objects. A candle. A plastic bag.
MR. BIBBLES
It’s a costume.
MELISSA
Do you know what it’s like for me every time I drive by a McDonald’s? And they are
everywhere, Mr. Bibbles. Everywhere. I am in terror. TERROR. My co-workers at the
firm, they think it’s HILARIOUS. “Oh, Melissa is afraid of clowns? Let’s put one on her
birthday cake.” HAH HAH.
MR. BIBBLES
I have ID. In my bag. I’m not the same clown.
She puts the candle in the middle of the floor, lighting it.
MELISSA
You are my nightmare. You cripple me. People laugh at me because of you. But that ends
now. I’m going to conquer my fear of you.
7.
She opens a bag and gets out other tools. A pair of
pliers...
MELISSA
The moment I decided that I was tired of living in fear of you, that I was going to take
matter into my own hands... I made a trip to the self help section of my favorite book store.
...finishing with a ceremonial knife that glints in the light.
MR. BIBBLES
Oh, GOD.
He struggles. This hurts.
MELISSA
I needed to be empowered. And I looked and looked in self help... until I finally found
this. Right in the middle.
She pulls out a thick black leather bound book with metal
clasps. It looks ancient. It looks Evil. Capital E.
MELISSA
I started reading... and I knew... my path to banish my fears was laid before me.
She presses a remote: DARK and OMINOUS chatting
comes from the sound system.
MR. BIBBLES
What is that book? What is it?
MELISSA
(smiling sweetly)
Why, the Necronomicon.
Mr. Bibbles takes in a breath.
MR. BIBBLES
I’ve heard of that book. The Book of the Dead. It is said that the Necronomicon is a book
of old magic. A collection of ramblings by a mad man. It is a book of evil.
MELISSA
No. Mr. Bibbles. It is not evil. THIS. IS A SELF HELP BOOK!
8.
She SWINGS the volume, striking Mr. Bibbles in the head.
Lights DIM as he loses consciousness. Lights UP as he
GASPS awake.
Melissa is staring at him.
MELISSA
Welcome back. Glad you didn’t die. This wouldn’t work if you were dead.
She slips the plastic bag on, through the holes for her
hands and arms.
MR. BIBBLES
What wouldn’t work?
MELISSA
Your sacrifice, silly. To Yog-Sothoth. As you whither and die, He will make me strong.
So it is written.
MR. BIBBLES
No, please, please, don’t.
Melissa opens the Necronomicon. She begins chanting,
moving the knife in a circle above the pages.
MR. BIBBLES
You can’t do this, I didn’t do anything to you. I’m just a guy. I’m just doing my job.
MELISSA
(picking up the pliers)
If you don’t shut up, I’ll start by ripping out your tongue.
Mr. Bibbles closes her mouth. She continues her chant.
Finally, Mr. Bibbles gets up the nerve to speak.
MR. BIBBLES
I get scared sometimes too. Bugs. They frighten me. I can’t stand those things. I sweat,
my skin crawls, I can’t breathe.
MELISSA
And what do you do when you come across a bug?
Mr. Bibbles says nothing. Melissa goes back to her chant.
Mr. Bibbles begins to weep. Finally...
9.
MR. BIBBLES
I have a dog. At home. What’s going to happen to him? Who is going to walk him? Feed
him. I don’t have any neighbors. No one is going to hear him bark. What’s going to
happen to my dog?
Melissa stops. She looks at Mr. Bibbles. Really looks at
him. She puts down the knife. She moves close, looking
into his face, into his eyes. Gears turn in her head. She
reaches forward, unsure, unsteady... She takes his nose
clown nose off his face. She frowns. Then she removes
his wig. She is unsure by what she sees.
MELISSA
Do I... I do. I. I... I know you... Greg?
Mr. Bibbles shakes his head.
MELISSA
Greg. Greg. Yeah. You were in my anthropology class. In college.
MR. BIBBLES
I, I was a major. Oh. I remember you. I do. Missy.
MELISSA
MELISSA.
MR. BIBBLES
Melissa! Yes. Yes.
Mr. Bibbles laughs nervously. Melissa picks up the knife.
Maybe she’s going to put it away.
MR. BIBBLES
How hard was that class, right.
She turns. STABS him. Blood gushes. Mr. Bibbles looks
at her... trying to speak...
MR. BIBBLES
(Whispering)
Why...?
MELISSA
You always thought you were so fucking funny.
10.
She begins to chant as she slices him open. She grabs the
pliers. Pulls out his entrails. Putting them on the
Necronomicon. A GASP from Mr. Bibbles... and he’s
dead.
MELISSA
It is done, Lord Yog-Sothoth. It is done. In your name. I am strong. STRONG.
Her CELLPHONE rings. She looks, one of Evil and
Darkness. She wipes the blood from her hands on Mr.
Bibbles clothes. Finally, she answers the phone.
MELISSA
(sweetly)
Hello? Acme Party? Yes. Hello. Yes. Mr. Bibbles the clown, he’s here. He is.
Wonderful. The kids love him. Mm hm. Yes. Oh. I was wondering... And, I hope it’s
too early in the season, but... do you have any Santas?
She smiles.
LIGHTS DIM.
11.

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