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The Naked Truth About Women

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Advanced Module #9
Advanced Techniques to Text Your Ex Back

By Ashley Kay

You'll be hard-pressed to find anyone who doesn't carry mobile phones with them
almost 24 hours a day. Most people are simply addicted to their phones - not
wanting to part with it for even 20 minutes of their day. Many would probably have
a semi panic attack if they realized they'd left their phones behind while out and
Due to how personal we are with our phones, it's important to understand how we
can use this (more particularly texting) to win back our ex.
There are some major differences between communicating by the typical phone call
and by texting (short for text messages). I'll be focusing on the art of texting this
month as it has its own set of distinct rules, behaviours and benefits.
Okay, so first of all, why would you want to use texting to communicate and attract
your ex back?
Texting is less confrontational and less intrusive - it's a much less direct
means of communication, and this is really handy when you're approaching
someone who may not want contact from you at all.
Texting allows you much greater control over the tone of the
conversation - unless you're extremely charismatic and an expert at
directing mood and tone of conversations between people, it can be difficult
for most to do this face-to-face or by phone contacts. When emotions can
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often get in the way of what you're trying to communicate, it's best to stick
with texting instead.
Texting allows you to build up intimacy and attraction on your own
time. Most people lead busy lives, so it's uncertain how much time you have
or your ex has to talk, texting is a simple solution to that problem. (Note:
this can also be seen as a negative but I'll get to that point later).
Texting is a great substitute form of communication when other means
of contact is less than ideal. Eg, if you're in a long distance relationship, if
calling is not practical or simply inappropriate to do so.
Although this month's module is all about texting, this is a great complimentary
guide to be used in alongside The Ex Recovery System. I will refer to these steps
throughout the guide so you are aware of the context these techniques should be
used within.

When Should I Start Texting My Ex?
The first text can be seen as a way of breaking the ice with your ex. Similar to the
Seed Letter, you can either use the text as the actual Seed Letter you send to your ex
or if you have already sent the Seed Letter, I would wait at least a month or more
before you start texting.
This also implies that you have completed the steps to gaining emotional control
and are already making great improvements with yourself and in your life. This is
very important! If you start texting BEFORE you do these steps, you'll find a lot of
resistance and non-responses from your ex! So, please only text after you've done
self-reflecting, you've calmed yourself emotionally and you're actually feeling
GOOD about yourself and your life. This attitude will come through in your texts,
and texting will become a lot more fun and enjoyable.
Here's a few examples of texts to break the ice after a solid period of No Contact.
Break The Ice Text:
Hi, I saw (this thing) that you like, and just wanted to see (ask them something
about it that would peak their interest). Hope you're doing good.
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For example:
YOU: Hey, I saw in the ad the other day they're looking for trainees at Maxis, deadline on
the 30th of May, thought you'd be interested to try out. How is your game coming along?
Anyway, hope you're well.
For someone who loves video games, getting a job at EA would be like a dream
come true. Especially if you know that's a very specific goal your ex had set and
shared with you. It's things like this that makes your message stand out. Not only
are you saying to your ex, you care about them, you still think of them AND you
remember and care about what THEY care about, you're also helping them without
asking for help or anything in return first.
The key to receiving a fast and positive response from your ex is that you want to
appeal to THEIR self-interest. What are they deeply passionate about? What topic
has the ability to get your ex talking about it for hours on end? What are those hot
buttons that gets your ex smiling and happy without fail? Those are the HOT topics
you want to jump right into because even if your ex is still feeling hurt from the
break up, they may just forget about it if you bring a topic they're passionate about
to their attention.
There's also a self-interest question in there for the ex. If you ask your ex something
that they don't care about, they'll less likely want to answer it or talk to you about it.
So, try to find topics your ex loves to talk about and target those things first.
Believability factor is KEY!
It's important that what you text to your ex is BELIEVABLE. So if you're a guy and
you mention you were shopping for shoes and found something that your ex would
love (thinking she is crazy about shoes), then that is probably NOT believable unless
you're also a shoe addict!
However, if your ex IS super addicted to shoes (more than the average person) and
knows all the names and intimidate details of shoe brands and designers out there,
the better approach would be to do some research, find out what shoe conventions
are on or if any designers are doing public events, and casually mention those things
in the text. Your ex would be EXTREMELY grateful you thought of something
they are super passionate about and is giving them a helping hand!
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Remember to sound very casual and brief, as if you stumbled across this cool thing
your ex would love, quickly wrote the text message and went on with your day.
Don't type a long message that goes on forever. If there's more details you want to
include, just say, "if you're interested to know more, let me know and I'll email you
the rest."
It's important you drop a question in this text because people are MORE compelled
to respond to questions rather than if you just sent it as a statement.
There are a few different scenarios that can happen after your Break The Ice text.
Let's run through them and what you should do.
a). Positive Response:
If your ex sends back a positive response that shows they're interested, they want to
know more and they're asking YOU questions. That's great. Give them what they
want to know.
YOU: Hey, I saw in the ad the other day, they're looking for trainees at Maxis, deadline on
the 30th of May, thought you'd be interested to try out. How is your game coming along?
Anyway, hope you're well.
EX: Oh cool, thanks for letting me know. Where did you find it? Can you send me the
details? How have you been by the way? Thanks!
YOU: Sure, I'll email it to you tonight after work. I've been really good. Just about to head
out for lunch with a friend. Talk later!
So you want to match your ex's positive response and then exit the conversation.
Don't continue the conversation via text or it may seem like your initial message had
an ulterior motive! Once your ex gets wind of that, it's hard to build the
conversation naturally.
b). Neutral Response:
EX: Oh cool, thanks for letting me know. I'll check it out.
A neutral response is one where your ex doesn't give any indication that they want
more conversation with you. They will either simply answer your question and end
it there, or respond with a "Thanks or Cool" and not enquire any further.
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If you get this sort of response, be thankful that they responded at all. Now's the
time to appear cool and not worried about it.
YOU: No problem. I thought you would enjoy it. How have you been?
Now, you are sort of brushing the fact that their response was rather cold aside.
Don't worry about it. Sometimes they need a bit more warming up.
If your ex gives you another neutral response the second time, give it one last shot
to get them engaged and if they are not interested or gives you a negative response...
or no response at all. It's time to leave them alone. Clearly they are still too raw to
talk to you just yet.
c). Negative Response:
If your ex completely ignores the point of your text and jumps straight into abuse,
negativity and unpleasantness, don't take it personally, simply send this and leave
them alone:
YOU: Sorry, just thought you'd like to know.
If your ex comes back with more abuse, you may want to consider blocking their
number. That kind of behaviour is rather immature, but more importantly,
demonstrates that you haven't waited long enough after the break up.
d). No Response at all
A no response isn't the same as a negative response because a negative one dispels
any mystery about what your ex is thinking. No response tells you nothing about
what your ex is thinking, so you can't judge what is going on.
This can be a good thing.
If you get no response, just continue to talk to them as if they have answered, and
keep trying to engage them in conversation. Similar to the neutral response, do it 3
times and if they continue to give you the cold shoulder or give you the negative
response, it's time to stop contacting them for a while.

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Relive Positive Past Memories & Awaken Inside
After your initial text (where you ended the conversation), it's important to have
something to follow up on. This is where you want to bring up other topics and
engage your ex in a proper conversation.
Play mini catch up at this point. Talk a little about what you've been doing, ask them
what they're doing and incorporate inside jokes to your conversation.
The fastest way to bond is to use old inside jokes and to relive past memories only
the two of you have shared.
For example:
YOU: Are you still working at Walmart? Is Dinosaur still working there? Did she die yet?
EX: Haha, no she's still here!
YOU: Does that make her 110 years old by now?
EX: Haha, probably.
Referring to people by silly names you've made up together, jokes about co-workers,
family members, friends, family pets etc are all great ways to catch up and bond
together. It reminds your ex that you were once very close and intimate - a part of
their "inner circle". The distance apart has not really changed that, that perhaps it
will even make them realize how much they have missed your company.
Another example of bringing up positive past memories:
YOU: Remember how you ate a tablespoon full of wasabi and screamed like a girl? Lol, I
had some the other day and I couldn't stop laughing at the memory of you screaming. Do you
remember why you did that?
YOU: I was down at the night market the other week and found a really ugly Hawaiian
shirt that reminded me of you. You're still into ugly shirts right? Haha just kidding.
Remember how much you hated that shirt your mum got you and then you threw up in it for
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New Years? Then she kept asking you where it was and you kept saying you were getting it
It's best to bring up something funny, tease your ex AND bring up a positive
memory of the past. Provided you know your ex's sense of humour and know what
they would find funny and not offensive.
Think of this as playful flirting as well. The less serious, more fun and playful your
texts are to your ex, the more likely they'll want to continue talking to you.
This builds up the attraction, intimacy and gets your ex having fun which creates
positive memories of you.
It's important to have FUN with it and don't miss the chance to send a funny text if
something funny happens that your ex would appreciate!

The Goal Of Texting
It's important that you have a firm idea of what you want to achieve with texting
your ex. If you go into this with a vague idea like: to try to get my ex back. That is
not going to give you nearly as much success as if your goal was specific, for
example: how to get my ex to meet me for a coffee.
Texts are a great way to:
Rebuild rapport and connection
Get your ex to call you or talk to you in person
Setup a coffee date
Build some sexual tension
Remember the purpose of texting isn't to get your ex back PURELY via texts. It's
to escalate your relationship so your ex is talking to you, meeting up with you,
going on dates with you and finally thinking of being in a relationship with you.
The real bulk of winning them back should still be carried out during face to face
meetups (if it's possible) or at least by traditional phone calls.
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Which leads me to the next point. Try to avoid being overly sexual during texts as
this could give off the wrong message to your ex, especially if you're a woman. Guys
will naturally respond well to sexual flirting, but that also means, once you meet and
have sex, it may just end there too.
For men, it's better to give compliments to a woman than being sexual. The best
time to be flirtatious via text is after meeting each other in real life.
Here's some great examples of texts to use after a casual meetup with your ex.
You Looked Great Text
YOU: Hey, it was good catching up with you yesterday. You looked so fine with those white
shorts on. So hot! Anyway, gotta head out now, cya!
This works great on women as well as men. It's a fairly innocent compliment on the
way your ex looks. Of course, only use this if your ex does look good and you know
your ex enjoys compliments like this.
I Just Realized Text
YOU: I just realized while I was out having lunch with you, I'd left the backdoor open
again. Crap, I was so scared Lucy had ran out. Good thing she loves food so much. Found
her on the floor, next to a bag of chips.
YOU: I just realized I hadn't eaten out in ages, and now I remember why. That steak tasted
like rubber. Literally.
The point of the I Just Realized Text is to sustain the feeling that there is a
comfortable connection between the two of you directly after your date. Even if your
date went badly, this is your chance to redeem yourself with a funny/cute text
It's best to refer back to something you had realized or noticed about your date
together once the date was over.
This quickly reminds your ex that the date happened, your connection was real and
you're here to continue the connection if she or he is interested. It's not meant to be
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seen as needy or pushy either, so it's best that you use statements rather than
enquiring questions here.

The One Who Text Least Wins
This is a lesson about how often to text and how to establish power within the
relationship. The less you text, the better. The less you say, the better. Which is
why it's important that every word you write has a purpose and is not wasted.
Read your text message before you send it and always think about whether you're to
the point or sound like you're rambling (or needy). Please don't spend hours writing
long text messages when a simple one line can sum up the whole thing just as well.
If you're trying to be cute or funny, use the same theory here. Be to the point, and
use smaller sentences to get the punch line across.
Also, try not to do too much in one text. For example, here's a bad text message to
YOU: Hi, did you end up getting my message last night? I was having dinner with a friend
and the waiter reminded me of you. How is your sister going? I heard she's going back to
school. Need to go wash my car now. Can you recommend a good Chinese restaurant?
This would be a terrible text to send because you're trying to talk about 5 different
things in one text. Which one is your ex meant to respond to? Most likely, they will
think you're a freak and not respond.
That is an over exaggerated example but it's often easy for us to change topics
during the middle of another topic. This is natural in everyday speech and
conversation, it's not recommended while texting. Keep each text to a specific point
and only move on to next topic when the last one is over.
If you find yourself carrying on long conversations via texting, it's time to get off
texting and actually CALL your ex.
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If you're busy or your ex is busy and can't talk on the phone, END the conversation
and say you'll catch up later when you have time.

Escalating Attraction Texts
For the most part, flirting and building sexual tension is best done in person or if
you're in a long distance relationship, during a phone call or an online chat program.
Only use texts to add to what has already been established.
For example:
YOU: You were so sexy last night, I couldn't get to sleep until 3am. Damn, might need to
stop talking to you as much :P
YOU: I can't believe we stayed up until 3am chatting last night, I was like a zombie at work
today. See what you do to me?
These texts are great to refer back to the previous event and flirt with your ex at the
same time. You can build on this with sexy little texts all throughout the day, just
keep an eye on how much you're texting.
Duration Between Texts
One last thing about texting that is to keep in mind the amount of time gone by
between texts. You don't want to appear needy, desperate or as if you don't have a
So, I would recommend texting about once every few days to keep things natural
and casual. You can escalate how often if things are going really well, but always be
the first one to pull back.
This quickly establishes that you're in control of directing conversations and not
your ex.
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You can control this by establishing when you text first and when you end texts. If
your ex is always the one to initiate conversations, you need to change things up by
ending the conversation and then re-establishing again on YOUR time.
Try to avoid falling into a passive role where you never initiate conversation but
never end the conversation either.
If you're a guy, it's even more important that you take the lead with starting AND
ending the conversation.

Fun of Texting & The Big "I Want You Back"
Before I end this tutorial, I want to comment that it's best to focus on having fun and
not stress over whether you've said the right thing or why your ex isn't responding
yet. Good connection builds overtime and due to the nature of text messaging, it's
expected that your ex will not respond to all text all the time.
Actually, keep this point in mind because it's very important.
Due to the NATURE of text messaging, it's EXPECTED your ex may not
always answer texts!
Think about how often you have received a text message, read it and then forgot
about it? Even if your intentions were to respond at some point, it happens in real
life that people forget and it doesn't mean you are upset with them because of it.
Focus on the fun and unpredictable nature of texting and how it ADDS to the
strategy of getting your ex back.
With that said, if you ever start getting emotional and have an urge to pour your
heart out to your ex, you can test the waters by sending something like this:
NOTE: Only think about sending something like this once rapport and connection
has already been established. Preferably with plenty of flirting and chemistry during
previous conversations already!
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I've Been Thinking Text
YOU: I've been thinking about you a lot lately... and wondering if you've been thinking about
me too...
If your ex is interested and want to hear more, they will tell you. And only THEN
do you spill your beans on how you feel and get it out in the open. Preferably you do
this in person or at least on the phone.
This is important because you do need to say how you feel at some point, but it's
much easier and less intimidating if you do it this way using texts, rather than
sending a long love letter or declaring your love in person out of the blue.
If all goes well, you'll have an intimate talk about the possibility of getting back
together and be well on your way!
So, let's recap what we've learned here today:
Texting is great to start communicating with your ex because it's less
confrontational, you have greater control over the tone of the conversation
and it allows you to build attraction and connection at your own pace.
Use texting to build rapport, connection and attraction using tools such as:
o Relive positive past memories
o Revisit old inside jokes only the two of you would know
o Refer back to recent past events to keep the momentum going
o Tease and flirt with your ex anytime you want
o Control the power of the conversations by starting and ending when
YOU want
Should be used as an additional tool to The Ex Recovery System.
Well, I hope you've gotten plenty out of this month's lesson. I've had a ton of fun
creating it for you.
If texting is something you'd like to learn more about, I'd recommend checking out
Michael Fiore's Text Your Ex Back program. The program focuses primarily on
texting to win your ex back; what type of texts to use, when they're appropriate and
why, how to build attraction and connection through only using texts.
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I'd recommend it if you want some more ideas and techniques. As for the overall
strategy of getting your ex back, I recommend sticking to The Ex Recovery System
and Michael's Text Your Ex Back to give you additional ideas and techniques.
You can check out his program here:
Click Here to Check Out How to Text Your Ex Back Into
Your Arms

If you have any feedback please let me know!
Ashley Kay