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Vol : 5 No: 157 India’s Lifestyle Fornightly December 16-31, 2009 Rs. 15.00


Hi Friends!
“Discrimination lies at the root of many of the world’s most pressing human rights problems. No country is immune from this scourge. Eliminating discrimination is a duty of the highest order.” Navi Pillay, United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights”. These first few famous words of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights established 60 years ago the basic premise of international human rights law. Yet today, the fight against discrimination remains a daily struggle for millions around the globe, especially in India. In a country where existence and survival are the only goals of an average citizen, no one has the time or the inclination to think about human rights. Human rights are being flouted every day, every hour, every minute and every second around our country in myriad ways by almost everyone. However, the so-called intelligentsia would prefer to talk about the global achievements a few Indians are making or how India has kept its head above waters during the global economic downturn or how we are on our way to achieving the 2020 vision. There December 16-31, 2009

is hesitation in most quarters to talk about the pathetic plight of a substantial population that lives without any awareness or consciousness about human rights. Excepting a few lawyers and social activists and a few odd mavericks like me, it is taboo to discuss the ills that affect our country, because it is believed that we are selling out our country to the world. At the macro level, human rights have taken a beating in innumerable incidences of crime. Everyday a child is subjected corporal punishment by a teacher somewhere in the country or a woman is abused by her husband or in-laws. Gender and caste inequalities are rampant, leading to clashes and skirmishes. There are instances galore where women

are sexually abused, molested or raped, children are abused or forced into commercial sex or child labour, minor girls are married off to rich old men or sold off or married off with a huge dowry. Kidneys are being sold without the knowledge of gullible people, consumers get a raw deal for purchase of products of low quality, lonely senior citizens are murdered for money, many lives are lost due to the callous attitude and treatment by the medical fraternity, several instances of abuse of the public by the police abound and countless cases lie unresolved in the courts… well the list is endless.




At the micro level, lack of civic accountability and awareness and disrespect for human rights lead to all kinds of everyday nuisance to the general public. You cannot protest if a pandal is erect in the middle of the road to accommodate a funeral gathering or a religious event. If there is blaring music round the clock that disturbs you in every possible way, you have to keep silent; otherwise you would be branded as coming in the way of religious sentiments of the people. People can cross the roads everywhere and anywhere and two wheelers and cyclists can move on the road in any manner without following traffic rules. If your child is subjected to ill treatment by teachers in school you have to keep mum. If garbage is thrown in or around your premises, you have to look the other way. And worst of all, there are several good Samaritans who interfere in your 2

life offering unsolicited counsel, or expressing the denigrating ways they think about you and your family. You have to contend with the cantankerous auto driver or the vegetable vendor who would swear and use the choicest invectives for reasons you do not know and make you look like a criminal. Then there are the notorious public servants who treat you like dirt if god forbid, you are at their mercy, requiring some statutory formalities to be completed….. The Indian citizen goes through the quagmire of everyday living without a thought about Human Rights. After all, we are living and breathing every day, so what the hell! Ciao Swati Amar




December 16-31, 2009

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Is your child difficult?
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Our Regular Features



Our Regular Features

Beauty Bistro ............................................ 11 Beauty Speak .......................................... 13 Health and Fitness Clinic ..........................21 Salt ‘n’ Pepper Corner ............................. 35 Cook ‘n’ Smile .......................................... 36 Jaggi Vasudev ......................................... 44 Just Ask Brinda ........................................ 45 Soul’s Core .............................................. 46 December 16-31, 2009

Editorial.................................................... 24 Quizzeria ................................................ 26 Jest for Laughs ........................................ 27 Canteen Banter .......................................32 For your Eyes Only ................................. 33 3

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December 16-31, 2009


The birth of Aditi was a dream come true for Jayshree
December 16-31, 2009 5

who had always wanted a daughter.

As she gazed at the tender little bundle lying beside her, tears welled up in her eyes. A beautiful dream unfolded in her mind as she visualized how she would bring up her tiny daughter. Of course, Jayshree would revel in adorning her beautiful doll with the choicest selection of exquisite garments, inundate her play room with dainty dolls and cute little toys, take her out to beautiful gardens and frolic around with her in the cool beach waters…. But more than anything else, her doll would grow up to be a well-accomplished, educated global woman of influence and respect. She would leave 6

no stone unturned to give her daughter the best opportunities for education and a career of her choice. Jayshree is not alone in weaving such magnificent dreams about her daughter. A vast majority of urban middle class women have fond dreams for their daughters of the new millennium. It is on the strength of this dream that Indian mothers and in fact, parents proceed relentlessly against all odds to give their daughters the best education their family kitty can permit, sometimes even more, by availing huge loans.

There are myriad dreams and hopes. But what is the reality today? India is in the throes of a cultural and social revolution. Unlike western countries where premarital sex and relationships are accepted as part of their culture, Indian society still has not accepted these trends. However, with the society opening up for free interactions among men and women, a lot of social problems such as transient relationships, premarital sex in schools and colleges, abortions and suicide among young girls, crime against women and most December 16-31, 2009

importantly, unscrupulous men using this liberal ambience and advanced technology to foster dubious associations with girls by misleading them, are on the increase. And the dreams come crashing down. On the one hand there are focused girls who make full use of the opportunity provided to them by their families and society and rise up to the expectations reposed on them. There are also girls who, in the process of savouring the newfound freedom and trust, ( often misconstrued by most as

‘pampering by parents ’) who lose their balance and get into personal problems and in the process draw their families into the quagmire. Their focus is lost and so are their most productive years. The rest of their lives is spent in emerging out of these emotional entanglements and rebuilding their lives.

Picture this scenarioAsha is a ten year old girl who wants to have everything her way. She often threatens her mother that unless she gets what she wants, she would run away

from home or jump out of their balcony. Her anxious mother always capitulates. Asha is a girl who is sent to the best school in the city in a comfortable air-conditioned car. Her father purchases all the materials that can facilitate her education. Both parents are broadminded and do not impose any control on her that might cause her stress. They try to infuse some discipline too, but Asha is too obstinate and adamant to follow any instructions or suggestions. Vaidehi goes one step further. She picks up fights with her mother at the drop of a hat. There are times when she even throws whatever comes to her hand at her petrified mother who does not know how to deal with her. Vaidehi has been having an affair with a boy who is interested in joining the films. Her mother tried to caution her, but to no avail. So that became the reason for constant skirmishes. A couple of years later, her boyfriend ditched her when he got a good offer for a film. Not having done well in her studies, Vaidehi had to take up a job in a nursery school and eventually get married to another man whom she did not love. Today she is a quiet woman, who talks less and repents. But she can never get back the years that could have been spent in pursuing good education, which her parents were willing to give her. Ganga is different. She is a ‘cool’ sort. For her flamboyant lifestyle, whatever money her parents supply her with is just not enough. She has her own circle of men friends who can take care of her needs.

December 16-31, 2009


Maya on the other hand fell for Dilip’s charm and constant wooing. After romancing with him during her entire college years, in the process, faring just about average in her studies, she had dreams of happy matrimony. She was shocked when Dilip left her for another girl. Out of sheer guilt and frustration she jumps from the top of a building and dies. Of course there has been a lot of media hype about incidents such as the woman who murdered her husband of seven days during their honeymoon in association with her paramour, who shockingly was an illiterate, alcoholic auto driver. What is painful about this incident is that the woman was educated and financially independent and could easily have left her home to be with her boyfriend, sparing the life of another innocent man. We have read enough and more about the ex-model Geetanjali Nagpal or several incidents of girls from the small and big screen attempting suicide due to failed relationships. These are all true stories of girls belonging to educated, middle class families. The irony is that such incidents never emerge from the confines of the homes simply because no parent can divulge to the world anything negative about their daughters. society at sanctifi the For a society that sanctifies the c y nctifi h

institution of marriage, these girls would not qualify, if the cat was let out of the bag? Parents are all the time concerned about what would happen to her future? So families go about agonizing and handling traumatic situations in quiet ways trying to sort out the lives of their beloved daughters. Says advocate K.Sumati from Chennai, “Women today have great potential and are extremely capable, but highly confused about what they want. It is as if they initiate a problem but do not know how to complete it. They do not know their destination when they start their journey. Girls today are highly intelligent and unbelievably talented. But they do not realize that the earlier generation has also worked hard and has been responsible for the freedom that they enjoy today. Every bit of freedom we enjoy today, every kind of respect we command, are the fruits of the wars fought by our earlier generations of women, in the face of indignities. We may be fighting for the nth time but they were the ones to start the war for the first time. After all their efforts, even if we commit a small blunder, we will be talked about for generations to come. “ Actor Madhavan’s views on relationship problems are different, don’t think are i differe , I don think different, “I don t think we are in

a position to judge anybody’s personal life, simply because the older generation has not been through it.” According to him we are a repressed society. If the incidence of HIV+/AIDS is high in Tamilnadu it is not because of the change that is happening in the culture. “If you believe that a flamboyant culture is the cause of this trend then the incidence must be higher in cities like Mumbai and Delhi, the hot and happening metros, and not in Chennai! We continue to wallow in the ostrich syndrome. We think that we are bringing up our children correctly. In our greed that our children would grow up the way we want, we are being over-protective, which is not healthy for their growth.” Geeta Nambissan, a teacher from Mumbai opines that children should be accountable for their behaviour to their families. “Today, children are exposed to so many things and people and may not be mature enough to understand who or what is right or wrong for them. Also, adolescents have the urge to experiment. Parents should keep a tab on their children not by way of monitoring but generally through casual conversations. I feel that open channels of communication between children and parents would help avoid a lot of problems. I make it a point to know every single movement of my children. I too inform them about my whereabouts. ” While Geeta would not mind her daughter going out with groups of friends, she does not believe that girls can stay over in their friends’ place. “They have


December 16-31, 2009

to get back to their homes or hostel on the same day… rather night,” she says. She does not encourage dating either. Dr. Rekha Saraswat, Professor of Political Science in a Post Graduate college for girls in Meerut and the editor of The Radical Humanist says, “I don’t think our daughters should be accountable because we have given them opportunities or funded their education. We give them opportunities because we love them. Accountability is not a conscious duty but a natural by-product of our caring for each other, keeping each other’s happiness in mind. No mother, I think, ever does anything for her child to get anything in return.” “I have not built such a relationship bond in my family where a mother ‘allows’ her son or daughter to do or not do a particular thing. I learnt from my father to discuss things democratically, all the pros and cons of every situation and then take one’s own decision so that each person is responsible for his or her own decisions later on. We believe in building intellectual relationships with people.” Geeta permits her daughter to interact freely with the opposite sex. “I too have many men friends. Right from my childhood I grew up with my brother’s friends and there were no issues. But there has always been a clear dividing line. So what works for me, works for my daughter too.” Dr. Rekha too feels that interacting freely is not a fear and because of the democratic ambience, her children learn to differentiate between worthy and December 16-31, 2009

worthless acquaintances without her keeping vigilance over them. Both women agree that attraction towards the opposite sex is normal during adolescence. Dr.Rekha feels that it adds meaning, colour and motivation to our lives. “But it is our responsibility to explain all this to our children, be their best friend and help them set their priorities. A romance can be painful if it is understood as a life-long relationship by one of the partners. I think both partners should be very clear about the position that each has in the other’s life. We as mothers have

to inculcate this kind of honesty in our children since childhood so that they do not exploit any relationship or are not exploited. If they are hurt, no one is more miserable than the mothers.” Says Geeta, “We too have had our share of attractions and it is fine as long as it remains in that level. Serious romance needs thinking, along with parents; but not during the teenage. Children need to talk it over. I am sure parents will understand and accept if everything is going to be fine between two mature adults in love.” While the middle class 9

grapples with the Pandora’s Box, society abounds with the loss of productive young lives, due to their inability to contend with failed relationships and deceit. According to Dr. Rekha, incidents like suicides happen because children find no emotional support outside their new found relationships. “I think it is each mother’s responsibility to be her children’s best friend. They need to have a fall back, a support system. Life is a continuous process of erring and revising, of learning, experimenting and adventuring. I will not like to continue to be their crutch or delay their growing up into matured selfmade individuals, equally proud and confident of their abilities and short comings. I will always be ready and by their side to help them out of precarious situations whenever they need my shoulder, never criticizing them or ridiculing their wrong decisions. In a world ridden with competition and conflicts, which are natural, the only person who is not in competition with the child is the mother. She has to be the child’s moral support always.” Geeta too feels that when a relationship fails the child is emotionally low and is looking for anchor. The mother can encourage the child to talk and offer her support. 10

Rekha succinctly explains the situation that society must deal with, if it were to ensure that the scourge of relationship problems that is catching up among the vast youth populace does not emerge as an intractable issue. “Today a woman faces greater danger of interference in her privacy because of the use of mobile and the Internet, because in our society we are still at a stage where we are technologically advanced but culturally and emotionally traditional. Our men and women have learnt to use the latest instruments of communication. They tend to enjoy this new found freedom. But our men continue to treat the woman as an object of possession and not as an equally respectable friend or colleague with her individual identity. But the matter of greater surprise is the fact that even women consider themselves as different from men. They need to be pampered and taken care of as delicate partners, which makes them vulnerable in the eyes of unscrupulous elements. If a woman commands respect as an individual without an overt show of feminine delicateness, there are lesser chances of her vulnerability being exploited?” Geeta recounts heinous events related to Internet communities that rocked Mumbai a few years back. The most shocking

instance was the death of a ninth standard boy who was instigated by an Orkut ‘friend’ to hold his breath and try to die. When the mother and grandmother of the boy entered his room, the boy had died and the eerie laughter from the voice chat was enquiring, “Are you dead yet?” Several such incidents relating to the net communities are lessons to families to make the children aware of the perils of such ‘friendships’ with strangers in the cyber and the real world, which has also destroyed many lives of young women. Finally, everything boils down to open channels of communication among family members, mutual trust and faith that will keep our daughters away from falling prey to dubious people and circumstances. Actor Madhavan says, “My sister and I have come from a family that has given us the freedom to choose our partners and we are continuing to lead happy lives. Our intention has not been to hurt anybody by choosing our own partners. There is no substitute for qualities like compassion, kindness, loyalty, honesty, dedication and commitment. Parents must encourage the youth to incorporate these qualities in their lifestyles, whichever lifestyle they adopt, because these qualities are part of any world culture. With the speeding up of the society, we are definitely going to have repercussions on relationships. If these qualities are incorporated into each person’s lifestyle, a healthy society is a possibility. “ December 16-31, 2009

Mouthing Beauty
It is often believed that beauty deals with the face, skin and body weight. Most women and men stop at that. However, dealing with your mouth, hands and feet should be as important a part of your beauty regime as your focus on the other aspects of your grooming and hygiene, if not more. Many a face has been launched in the movies and modeling circles only because of a beautiful smile. Today dentistry not only deals with treatment of dental problems but also cosmetic dentistry, which need not be restricted only to film stars and models. A beautiful mouth is an asset and adds to your beauty and self confidence. A beautiful smile can last forever. Our teeth are the most durable part of our body and today the notion that as you grow older you will lose your teeth has been proved wrong. A combination of awareness, simple prevention and amazing technological advances have made it possible to save or replace diseased teeth, prevent decay and aesthetically remodel them. Our teeth are the most heavily used part of our body. These December 16-31, 2009 11

miracles of cement, dentin, pulp and enamel are under constant assault. We chew with them at least three times a day, use them as an extra hand, nutcracker, ice crusher and for assorted other tasks that would make your dentist shudder. But their most dangerous enemy is the platoon of bacteria living in our mouth. There are about three hundred different types of germs that call your mouth home. Some of them are beneficial and can help the body produce vitamins, generate enzymes to help you digest food and reduce the level of harmful bacteria in the oral cavity. The troublesome bacteria are referred to as plaque by dentists. Plaque is invisible but you may recognize it as ‘morning mouth,’ That’s the familiar white film that collects on the teeth overnight when your saliva, turned off while you sleep, can no longer rinse it off. It is actually a sticky

colony of bacteria and food debris that not only gives you the worst breath of the day, but if it’s not removed, will produce acid that dissolves tooth enamel, infects the gums and leads to periodontal disease and bone loss. Ten to fifteen minutes after eating, the bacteria in your

mouth begin producing acid, which may eat away at the enamel of your teeth. The damage is done quite quickly,. If fact, it stats as soon as you stop eating. The physical act of eating is a form of self-cleansing of the teeth. In addition, we produce a gallon of saliva a day, which has a washing effect on our teeth.
To be continued…..


December 16-31, 2009

Beauty’ Speak
over your lips to give you soft lips. 4. To make your lips soft, you can try applying extract of beet root or pomegranate. Try not to bite your lips or wet them with your tongue. These

habits will cause harm to your lips.

Winter Care Home Care Tips
1. Eye: If the body heat goes up, your eyes will become puffy . If you can get hold of pure castor oil, try to put one or two drops every morning and wash your eyes to reduce heat. 2. Lips: Apply petroleum jelly on cracked lips. Or you may get chap stick and keep applying over your lips whenever thy feel dry. Several flavours are available . If you go for ones with a strawberry flavour December 16-31, 2009

etc, you will achieve the double purpose of keeping your lips dry and giving an appearance of having applied lipstick. Chapstick will prevent dryness and cracking of lips. Remember to remove lipstick when you go to bed. Those who believe in natural home care can apply ghee, butter or coconut oil over their lips every now and then. 3. You can also think of applying honey. Honey can be mixed with butter and applied. Or you can mix a little honey with the white of an egg and apply

5. Face: To prevent dryness of the face you can apply liquid paraffin over your face and stay for ten minutes. Take a half ta spoon f liquid paraffin , rub over your face and wash off or you can decided to leave it over your face, The skin absorbs liquid paraffin due to its moisture content. You also get solidified paraffin which you can apply according to the instructions. Normally in beauty parlours, they use this. You can also decided to rub coconut oil or olive oil on your face before a bath.
To be continued……..



very man’s life is a fairy-tale written by God’s fingers,’ Hans Christian Andersen rightly said. Given the present ambience of global exposure and a plethora of opportunities for advancement in myriad fields, young India is poised for a momentous take-off at the world level. At this point in time, it makes sense to strive to emerge from the shackles that hinder us from advancing to this vantage position. It is in this context that Eve’s Times brings to you the voices of prominent Chennaites who voice their impressions and views on the beauty of living a useful and productive life.


as an isolated problem today. Excerpts from an interview with Madhavan:

“My sincere request to the youth of today is –
Remember there are no exceptions to this dreaded ailment. Even the most innocent looking, young person could be a carrier of the virus. Therefore it is very much important to take precautions and prevent yourselves from acquiring this infection in any manner. We must all remember that an entire generation is at stake. If you do not want to be a nation of countless HIV infected people like Africa, appropriate abstinence and protection is the only way out. I suggest the following as the most important steps to be taken for prevention and control of HIV/ AIDS: First and foremost, do not treat the subject as taboo, because if you do so, you are alienating yourself from the problem and you will not equip yourself with appropriate knowledge about HIV/AIDS. Encourage teaching about HIV/ AIDS in colleges and schools because that is the time when the youth start experimenting. Parents should be open to their children and discuss all issues candidly with them. They should also caution their children about the possibilities of acquiring December 16-31, 2009

Actor R. Madhavan, known as Maddy to his fans, is one person from the realm of cinema who is devoted to the cause of HIV/AIDS in a big way. On the occasion of World AIDS Day Madhavan offers a special message to the youth on how to be responsible to themselves and to the society which is reeling under the devastating impact of this ‘Affliction of the Millennium.’ Millions of people all over the world are being affected by HIV/AIDS during their most productive years, a problem which the world cannot over look. We also have to tackle the difficulty of supporting young widows and their children who are left behind, debilitated due to the infection and in penury. Nobody can treat HIV/AIDS 14

the infection and help them understand the importance of abstinence till marriage. The youth should remember that it is not a fad or style to get tested and experiment with what may result in detriment to them. They should concentrate on achieving their goals, and avoid getting distracted. When you come across persons with AIDS, do not think that they have been in some way responsible for their predicament. That it the first step to remove stigma from the society. Nobody goes out of the way in search of a life threatening disease. Please, also get educated about the actual ways and means of how the virus spreads. Education will go a lot way in our acceptance of persons living with HIV/AIDS and help us dispel the habit of keeping such people at arms length. Organizations are awakened to this ailment and are doing their jobs well, spreading the message. But what is really needed is a change in the mindset of the society and the people. We must stop joking about HIV/ AIDS or treating it as taboo. We must all learn to live with this affliction just as we are dealing with polio, chicken gunea etc. Ex communication is worst form of discrimination to those who are already suffering. Let us all awaken to facts about HIV/AIDS and not turn a blind eye to it.” Amidst hectic schedules, actor December 16-31, 2009 Trisha found the time to launch into an intense thinking about HIV/AIDS. This is her message to the youth: “It is very crucial for everyone to get educated and be knowledgeable about HIV/AIDS, irrespective of their economic status, age, gender, caste or creed. Everyone should know what causes it and what is best way of prevention. The most important attitudinal change that needs to be infused is our approach to those affected by HIV/AIDS. We should not treat them like they have a contagious disease or as if they are outcasts. We should learn to live with them. Also, we must understand that there is a difference between HIV+ and AIDS. Let’s all take a pledge on World AIDS Day that we will get educated and learn to coexist with those affected by HIV/ AIDS and in whatever little way we can, to contribute to society. Also, remember, prevention is better than cure.”

15 15




ctor Vikram, through his reel and real life, has time and again conveyed important messages to film lovers, youth, families and the public at large. Vikram has proved that arduous toil, perseverance, patience, endurance, faith, hope and above all dedication and commitment to work are the essential ingredients of success. Vikram stands testimony to the fact that nothing comes easy in life, as some youth tend to believe. His total dedication
16 December 16-31, 2009

to his profession has not only unearthed his latent potential, creativity, talent and skills, but also motivated him to innovate and experiment with different endeavours related to his profession. This quality has enabled him to endure as a reigning star for several years in a highly competitive field. Vikram’s beliefs about leading a peaceful and healthy life are quite simple and pragmatic.
“ If you look at all that is happening around us, including serious health ailments such as HIV/AIDS, and given the fast pace at which the world is moving, people are just rushing to work and back….. we find that we are not spending enough time with our family, especially our children, which may be one of the causes of these unhappy developments. Recently I saw a sticker on a car that said, “Did you hug your child today?” It made me wonder how beautiful this line is and what a powerful meaning it conveys. The irony is that we are working hard and we do everything for our family, but we are not demonstrative about our love. It is important that the father spends quality time with the child, same goes for the husband and wife. In such a situation, there is no need for the spouse to look elsewhere for affection. By quality time I mean that the husband and wife must spend some time alone December 16-31, 2009

going out to eat, or take a walk. The husband can get flowers or little gifts for his wife and children to show that he cares. Similarly the father and the children should spend time together doing things, playing games. This is true for a woman too, especially for a workingwoman. However, most of us rush to work, slog, and come back bone tired and go to bed. We rise up early next morning and the whirlwind starts again. Today, there is a need to take off at least once a year for a holiday—it could be for a month or a week or at least four to five days-- and visit a beautiful place where there are no distractions like the TV, computer or phone. The time must be spent in doing things together as a family. A lot of bonding takes place during this time. Also, we get an opportunity to reinvent, understand and communicate with one another. I ensure that our family gets to spend such a holiday every year without distractions.” On a parting note, Vikram’s message to the people is, “It is important for every one of us to accept people living with HIV/ AIDS and love them, providing them care and support. As an actor, I consider it my duty to be a part of the awareness campaign for social issues. There is a wrong belief among some people that HIV/AIDS happens to ‘other people’ and that they are immune to it. This belief leads to a careless

and casual attitude towards prevention and control of HIV/ AIDS. An actor must take the message to the public to be careful and not take it lightly. I feel that celebrities such as actors, sportspersons and all people in the public eye should take it upon themselves to be champions for the cause of HIV/AIDS. It is also the duty of every citizen to take part in the campaign and do whatever they can in this regard. Moreover, my prayer is that people should be goal-oriented in life. Remember, it is the duty of every one of us to be cautious and ensure that we can keep away from HIV/ AIDS. And don’t forget, being faithful to the spouse will give us everlasting happiness. Let us all take these steps earnestly. After all, it is for the benefit and happiness of everybody in our country.” 17

Is your child difficult?
acts before he thinks. Whenever things do not go his way he starts yelling loudly, calling people names, and will even hit other kids. This behavior is not limited to any one particular place. In fact, Sachin will act wildly like these both at home and in public. Do any of these kids sound familiar to your own? Do the above behavior scenarios remind you of your own children’s strong willed actions? If your child or children resembles any of the above two examples, then fear not because you are certainly not alone. Such children can also be more amazing in hundreds of ways, if we can remember to call upon a reservoir of coping tools. Here are a few to keep in mind:

Child’s Temperament
Think in terms of your child’s temperament and then reacts to behavior instead of responding emotionally or instinctively to what you perceive as his motives. Try to see your child’s behavior as part of her hardwiring.

arenting the “difficult child,” a name coined by Dr. Stanley Tureck in his best-selling book, Your Difficult Child, is challenging for any parent, even the most patient.


Would you say that your child is difficult to handle? Well, it may be a bit reassuring, but you are not alone. Many children, especially toddlers can be extremely strong willed when it comes to behaving nicely. Take six-year-old Rahul for example. One second Rahul is very sweet and cooperative, 18

and then the next moment he may suddenly turn very angry and defiant. The smallest things tends to set him off, especially unexpected changes, food he doesn’t like, or having to go somewhere with her parents. He literally throws temper tantrums every half hour or so. Does this sound like your kid? Let’s look at little Sachin as another example. Sachin is a nine-year-old, a very bright kid that lives in a great family setting with wonderful parents. The problem with him is that he has a very short fuse and often

Objective Attitude works
In the midst of a tantrum, it can be hard to remain calm. But this is exactly what will serve you best. When your child acts out, stand back and become as neutral as possible. Your response is the most effective if it comes from the thinking part of your body, not the feeling part. December 16-31, 2009

Don’t Take It to heart
A challenging child can be quite physically and verbally abusive. When you’re walking around hearing “I hate you!” or have a scratch on your face, it’s hard not to take it personally. But try to remember your child is not trying to punish you. Don’t’ ask, “Why is he doing this to me?” Think about behaviors, not motivations. Concentrate on how your child won’t put on her shoes, not that she wants to make you late for work.

on her own limited perspective of the world, trying to quiet fears and frustrations that we all have to some degree or another.

Read Patterns
It may be helpful to keep a log of your child’s difficult behaviors so you can start to see patterns. Does it occur at a particular time of day, under certain circumstances? Is your child hungry, tired, transitioning to a new place? The more specific you can be about what triggers your child, the more easily you can sidestep the minefields.

Spend time with your child
Provide many opportunities for active, physical play. Find time every day to listen to him talk about something that interests him. Don’t jump in with your opinion; just listen! Help him find a group where he can feel a sense of belonging (sports team, drama group, etc.). Let him know he is an important part of your family and community. Find an opportunity every day to tell him that you love him. Be a good role model in your patience, support and listening. Learn new parenting skills and try them out until you find what works for you Present a united front in all of your interactions with the child. Have just a few rules but enforce them consistently. Avoid arguments and power struggles. The best way to defuse a

power struggle is to use active listening. Provide short timeouts for misbehavior, 10 minutes maximum. Discontinue physical punishment to prevent or break a negative cycle that could lead to abuse, resentment and feelings of worthlessness.

Establish Routines
Establish regular routines and a clear structure for your days. Help him plan for good behavior by discussing upcoming activities, what he will encounter and how to behave. For serious behavior problems, begin to seek help for your child at an early age. Diagnoses and interventions that work may take some time.

Take Care of Yourself
A challenging child can deplete your energy, and make a tired parent feel hopeless and depressed. If possible, join a parenting support group where you feel safe talking about your parenting situation. Take help of the extended family, parents, in laws, siblings etc so you can get plenty of rest and time away. Most of all, try to remember your child is not being bad on purpose. She is acting out based December 16-31, 2009

By Shailja Mehta 19


hen you have planned to start a family and have not conceived for a year or more, it is time to look into the matter. Our new feature on frequently asked questions in infertility will help dispel many myths and clarify doubts regarding conception among many couples aspiring for a baby.


The first and most important test is to rule out the male factor is by doing a semen analysis. Once this is done, the female partner is commonly evaluated by clinical history and examination, hormone analysis, ultrasound and wherever feasible hysterolaparoscopy. The latter has now become a gold standard in diagnosing a variety of conditions. What are the common causes of infertility in the male? Men may have a variety of conditions which hamper their semen quality and production. Some of these conditions are anti sperm antibodies, genito-urinary infections, viral infections like mumps, varicocele, maldescent of testis and genetic causes. These may result in poor semen quality and production or may produce obstruction at various levels in the male reproductive system. A good clinical history and evaluation of hormones (LH, FSH, serum testosterone and thyroid tests) aided by a Doppler examination or ultrasound when necessary may help in diagnosis and treatment. When evaluated

properly a good conclusion can be reached regarding the fertility status of the man. Do fibroids, affect conception? Yes, they may affect the fertility status as well as obstetric outcome depending on their numbers, size and location. For example, fibroids located in the uterine cavity called as sub-mucous fibroid, directly interfere with implantation and placentation. Very large fibroids located in the muscular layer of the uterus (Intra-mural) also interfere with conception and pregnancy outcome. Whenever the diagnosis is made in an infertile woman, care should be taken regarding the removal of these fibroids since it influences future fertility.

Apart from special features on health , our regular health column, Stethoscope will have experts from different fields answering your queries. W are happy to announce Dr. Priya Selvaraj, MD MNAMS MCE, Assistant Director, G.G. Hospital, Chennai will answer queries on obstetrics & gynecology and assisted reproductive technology. Send your questions to eitoretg@gmail.com or editor@evestimesonline.com or to our office address. What are the preliminary investigations that are essential to unearth if one should decide to go for treatment for infertility? 20

Dr. Priya

December 16-31, 2009


Health and Fitness Clinic


ouldn’t it be nice if you could eat whatever you want, blow off working out and still fit in your skinny jeans? It may not be possible, but you can indeed speed up your metabolism in your body that burns calories. A fundamental mistake in dieting is the belief that eating less will lead to fat loss. Scientific evidence suggests this to be entirely WRONG! The human body adapts to such a level that when it senses a shortage of food it responds by dramatically decreasing the metabolic rate, the rate at which calories are burned in the body, in order to preserve energy and ensure survival. The irony of the situation is that when you need to lose fat and severely restrict your food intake it fires the same mechanism in the body which was meant to preserve calories rather than burn calories! Moreover as you age, your metabolism slows down, chiefly because you lose around a half pound of muscle each year. If you don’t use the muscle, it atrophies. That translates into burning about 400 fewer calories each day, which could mean gaining a pound a week! The body normally burns a mix of carbohydrate, as glucose, and fat for fuel. How much of either depends on your physical activity and if, or what you have eaten recently. When you use more energy than you take in from food and drink, the body burns stored fat and carbohydrates, and then even protein, to fuel your everyday activities even if you are not exercising That’s what happens when people starve of course; the body starts to eat itself.

Depending on your family history -- your genetics -- and the way you eat and exercise to create this energy deficit, your body may decide to get conservative and drop your metabolic rate to try to hold onto body weight. Some of us seem to have inherited this tendency more than others.

So how do we Punch the Paunch?
Don’t Despair now! One way of tackling the situation is to resort to simple methods that will help burn fat fast. You will be surprised to know that even foods can help burn your fat! Foods that are high in protein and fiber are the best kinds of food to eat if you want to burn fat fast. Fiber slows digestion and makes you feel fuller. This is so important in burning fat and reducing cravings, especially for foods loaded with sugar. Did you know that it takes more energy to digest protein than it does to digest fat? So the more protein you eat the more calories your body burns. Foods that are rich in Vitamin C have the properties of acting as fat burners. Limes, lemons, oranges, grapefruit and vegetables like, broccoli, cabbage, celery, carrot, watermelon and apple fall into this category. Broccoli and cabbage contain high quantities of calcium and vitamin C, and is also fibrous. What vitamin

C does it dilutes the fat and thus renders it less effective. It also becomes easier for such fat to be flushed out of the system. Pectin is found in apples and most fresh fruits. This substance is said to be able to limit the fat that is absorbed by the cells. In addition to this, pectin helps in the absorption of watery substances. The reaction of the watery substances on the cells makes it release fat deposits. If you are serious about tightening your belly, start by changing your choice of food. There are other important things you need to know. More in the next issue! Your Fight Fat Friend! 21

December 16-31, 2009

RSS sarsanghchalak Mohan Bhagwat’s reiteration that none of the four Delhi-based secondgeneration leaders of the BJP was in consideration for the position of the saffron party’s president ship provides clear indication that L.K. Advani’s coterie is fast losing its grip. In fact, misinterpretation of most of the developments within the BJP has been deliberately done over the last few months to give more time to Advani, whose tenure as leader of opposition in the Lok Sabha may also come to an end shortly. But it appears now that the RSS has conveyed to Advani that he should announce his retirement plan with a specific date. This concession has been granted keeping in view Advani’s long service to the party. In politics, even playing God is easy. Or devil, as the saner ones amongst us would choose to say. from the University of Houston and Sonja Prokopec from ESSEC Business School France, one can rein in overeating by setting a mental budget, Journal of Consumer Research reported. By doing so, the report said, at the very least, it allows you to keep track of how you are doing with respect to your goal. Yet, another discovery in the field of dieting and fitness! No, don’t rush to that restaurant to celebrate, get started on that mental budgeting instead. ICONIC FIGURES CAN BE SHOWN SMOKING, HEALTH MINISTRY NODS The health ministry is ready to allow the depiction of iconic characters with their favorite poison stick. Hang on, I thought that the statement was ‘smoking banned from silver screens’ or other statements to that effect just a while ago, wasn’t it? The sensible thing would be to merely read such statements and not absorb them for who knows, before you turn the page, another statement could be issued banning the blessed things!

The World Toilet Organization, attempts to mainstream the culture of cleanliness and raise global awareness about sustaining sanitation activities. Its founding day is celebrated as World Toilet Day every year. From Teacher’s Day, Children’s Day to Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, then Valentine’s Day, Friendship Day and now Toilet Day. It looks like there are occasions to mark all the 365 days of the year. Schools will soon be teaching the same instead of our good old Sunday, Monday, Tuesday……

According to researchers, Parthasarathy Krishnamurthy

An NGO with a 151 men organization from 53 countries, 22 Kanchana. Rao December 16-31, 2009

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Keep Smiling

“You are not responsible for what people think about you. But you are responsible for what you give them to think about you”
December 16-31, 2009


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Retail Rights?
Hi Friends!
We live in the epoch of extreme consumerism. In fact, we are consumed by this very phenomenon at best. In the cadence of the modern 21st century, we’re victims of the retail market that has taken over our lives. We’re dependent on them for food, clothes, groceries, and even the newspaper! Sometimes, (more often than not) we feel like hapless consumers whose voice is being stamped out by the unreasonable price-rates thrown at us along with the inadequate quality--a shocker--(at this point, I’m NOT talking about instant ripoffs at the Sarojini Nagar Market or Janpath in New Delhi, when you purchase a raggedy T-shirt for 150 bucks only to realize its true value lies less than 70 bucks. Hawkers are ALLOWED to cheat you. It’s called licensed cheating, and you’re SUPPOSED to bargain. You’ll only be considered an absolute airhead to not bargain). Anyway, I’m talking about swanky branded retail outlets that were invented to cater to the bourgeoisie, where consumers have no option but to stick to the overpriced rate marked on the price tag. These consumers construe that the large quantity of dough doled out towards their purchase automatically guarantees them exemplary quality. But no, they’re mistaken.

cons of globalization, which include ‘illegal profit-making by manufacturing goods of substandard quality’. Ha, who cares if defective electrical appliances cause the death of somebody?

The materialism is abysmal (has always been, and will always be), but the lack of respect is unpardonable. It just bears testimony to the fact that Gone are the days where there is a person’s life is equated to a certain percentage of profit value for money for consumers. acquired from selling a defective In fact, retail outlets make a product. Which is revolting. juicy profit at the expense of the naive consumers, most And no number of laws, I tell of whom are oblivious to the you, can rectify this disgusting 24

phenomenon that looms like a miasma of disaster over this ‘global village’. It requires an attitudinal turnover. And this very statement is incredibly futile, considering that an attitudinal turnover has not been accomplished despite fruitless but earnest attempts, in the last century, when it comes to scruples and principles (in fact, it has only worsened in this department), and probably will not happen in the next couple of centuries. Until next fortnight Namrata Editor, TeenMag December 16-31, 2009

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Once in a lifetime, you find a friend Who touches not only your heart But also your soul Once in a lifetime, you discover someone Who stands beside you, not over you Once in a lifetime, you find someone, Who loves you for what you are Friends are very special people With whom we can be ourselves, Bare our souls and unravel our thoughts Endearing mortals we can talk with, Laugh with, hope with and believe with Blessed are those who revel in the warmth of True Friendship!

Yeah Write!

It has become one of my dearest friends In fact we are friends from time immemorial… I cannot pinpoint the exact moment But it sure was uncomfortable Floating in the amniotic fluid And then being cut loose and rudely slapped On my so very tiny and tender bottom! Next I crept and crawled in all sorts Of places in a spirit of adventure Hurting myself in the process and Was painfully poked by well-meaning hands Thus reacquainting myself with my friend! My teen years were also ignoble My body had a mind of its own Much to my consternation and grief And the unkind remarks passed By peers and family were quite painful. December 16-31, 2009

Coming of age was another milestone I had to leave the nest and fend for myself Fumbling and bungling finally led me To my first job where I had to jump hoops To prove my worth, Oh so painfully! Now I have found my equilibrium and family But my dear friend drops in quite frequently As pleasure and pain are but the two sides Of the same coin which is life and one Invariably follows the other relentlessly! Old age is no picnic and brings ailments You are often alone and helpless It is pretty much painful to move around Yet you manage counting your days Praying incoherently but consistently! Yes, pain is my dear friend Much loved and embraced fondly…. We can endure an extra pound of pain far more easily than we can suffer the withdrawal of an ounce of accustomed pleasure.- Sydney J Harris Bina Gupta From Brooklyn Originally published@www.binaguptapoetry.com


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Cool friends? Lets get their brains cracking, at least whatever little they seem to be endowed with. Here goes: 1. Two cyclists approach each other on a straight road, pedaling at 15 kms an hour. When they are 30 kms apart a horsefly alights on one bicycle, then dashes off to the

other. It shuttles back and forth between the two at 20 kms an hour until the riders meet. How far has it traveled?

2. Can you give in five seconds three numbers which give the same total when added as when multiplied together? 3. A tramp finds himself out of cigarettes. He casts about for stubs, having learnt that seven stubs make a cigarette practically as good as new.

He gathers 49 stubs If he smokes one cigarette every three-quarters of an hour how long will his supply last? 4. If three cats can kill three rats in thee minutes, how long will it take a 100 cats to kill a 100 rats? 5. Which is correct: 8 and 8 are 15 or 8 and 8 is 15? 6. It is legal for a man to marry his widow’s sister? 7. The archaeologist who said he found a silver coin market 649 BC was either lying or kidding. Why?

Brain Teaser
easing and tickling your gray cells is said to improve your brain power. So go ahead and play with the numbers and check for yourself if you have it in you to vanquish number puzzles with ease! Happy Sudokuing!


9 6 3 2 5 1 4 6 7 6 2 9 4
26 December 16-31, 2009

7 4 8 7 3 9





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Mandu Mohan : My mobile bill, how much? Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123to know current bill status. Mandu Mohan : That’s dumb! Not CURRENT BILL, my MOBILE BILL. Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife! Mohan: Wow! That’s an unbelievable exchange offer! Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world? Mohan: ZEBRA Teacher: How? Mohan: B’coz it is Black & White Judge: Don’t you have any sense of shame? It is the third time you are coming to court. Mohan to judge: You are coming daily, don’t you have any shame either ? Question: Should women have children after 35? Smart Mohan replied: No! 35 children are more than enough! Mohan attending an interview in a Software Company. Manager: Do you know MS Office? Sardar: If you give me the address, I will go there sir. Mohan got an sms from his girl friend: “I MISS YOU” Mohan replied: “I Mr YOU!” After finishing MBBS Mohan started his practice. He checked the first patient’s eyes, tongue and ears with the aid of a torch and finally said, “ the torch is okay.” Mohan: Oye, What will happen if electricity was not discovered? Sohan: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light. Mohan on an airplane going to Mumbai. During landing he shouted: Bombay ... Bombay Air hostess : Be silent please. Mohan: Ok: Ombay…. Ombay Teacher: What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA? Mohan: All were born on government holidays...! Sir: What is the difference between an Orange and an Apple? Mohan: The color of Orange is orange, but the color of Apple is not APPLE. December 16-31, 2009 27

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4 7 6 5 2 3 8
1. Twenty kilometers. Since the two cyclists were traveling at 15 kms an hour and were originally 30 kms apart, when they met they had been on the road for an hour. Accordingly, the fly traveling at 20 kms an hour, covered 20 kms regardless of how complicated its path. 2. 1,2,3 3. Six hours. The 49 stubs make seven cigarettes, but each of these when smoked is good for a new stub. Thus there are seven additional stubs; therefore eight cigarettes. 4. Three minutes. It takes each cat three minutes to kill each rat. 5. Neither , 8 and 8 are still 16. 6. Only dead men have widows. 7. How did anyone know Christ was coming in 649 years? 28

9 8 3 7 4 1 2 5 6

Brain 2 8 7 6 1 3 Teaser
5 2 8 6 9 3 7 4 1 7 6 9 4 5 8 2 4 5 1 8 7 9 6 3 6 9 3 5 2 4 1 7 2 4 9 1 5 6 3 8 9 1 2 3 8 7 4 5



3 8 4 7 6 1 2 9

9 1

“The Voyage to Excellence has documented the success stories of women in our country. Such books build up our confidence and courage. Every girl, woman and the parents of every girl should read the book and understand that we too can ascend the ladder of success-”Hon’ble Union Minister of State for Women & Child Development Renuka Chowdhury. “The book is first-class and a must-read for all as it brings to light the respect that women command in today’s era. Nischinta and Debashish have brought us to an era of command-the era when women command respect, an era when women seek a place for themselves by their hard work” Dr.Kiran Bedi IPS (Formar UN Civilian Police Advisor to the Secretary General) Do you want to be successful? Get your copy of the most sought after book today by women all over the country. Available in all bookstores in Chennai or call 24526739 to book your copy at a discount!

Authors: Nischinta Amarnath Debashish Ghosh

December 16-31, 2009

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we need to communicate straight without any prejudice. Distortion in joint or thought leads to disaster. Warming up before your work outs is very important to avoid injuries. Never jump on to the treadmill and start sprinting right away like the way we jump to conclusions at times without analyzing or reasoning! After warm up we can begin our cardio, strength or flexibility training etc. See that your exercises are done under proper guidance and knowledge and are specific to your capacity. The need of weight reduction, weight gain, or strengthening or lengthening the muscles might be varied but the one common goal should definitely be good health. Whether it is your own mental and physical health or the society’s unless there is unity in work, achievement will only be a sigh of impossibility. Might is not right if the goal is not healthy. Think…and think in unison. This is the only way to tackle terrorism. Remember, those who strike do so out of fear and insecurity. Terrorists are those who live in terror. It is those who fail and give up in life who commit suicide. To live we need to be balanced in mind and strong in body. Gather strength and get stronger through unity, acceptance and understanding, along with exercising. We need to understand our own body, accept what we cannot change and work towards changing what we can. The body works only in unison. Addressing a particular part to shape up or tone is not possible without the help of the rest of the body. The six pack is possible only if you put your mind to it and control your taste buds. For the abdominal crunch to take place the legs need to be stable and the neck should not be doing the job of the torso. An observation of the body itself is a lesson on unity. The strength that we women achieve should be channeled to go beyond a mere ramp walk. How many of our hour glass figures are actually prepared to soil their hands or toil for their own families let alone society. Let us all work towards achieving a bomb of a body packed with positive energy ready to be released at the hour of need and not blast innocence with hydrogen bombs out of uncultured cowardice. ……………..! CHEERS! TO ALL YOU BOMB SHELLS

proverb of school years, oft repeated as the bottom line of diary pages, seen as the title of moral stories, placards hold these words high above heads. Yes high, so high that it seems to go beyond human capacity of absorption and practice. Our eyes open wide always, only in the eleventh hour, whether it is September eleventh or twenty six eleven. Eyes open wide sadly not in realization but fear. The reaction is to eradicate terrorism but the definition for terrorism is self defined! To some it is Pakistan, to others it is a religion or a fanatic cult. It even could be something that is often repeated in press or heard a lot at home and around. Communication whether visual or verbal has undergone a vigorous training and can easily influence brains when in a vulnerable state like the Mumbai incident. The most fearful thing is fear itself. For when in fear we know not what we do and reasoning becomes a coward.


Tomorrow as you head to the gym or set out to begin your workout,

think about the world around and become aware of the integral part played by you. As you warm up your hands and legs be thankful that you still have them and put them to good use. As you rotate your shoulders and swing your hips remember how important the joints are for any movement to take place. We need to connect in good alignment –

Vijaya Rao

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December 6-31 20 9 Decemb 16-31, 2009 December 16-31, 2009

You (th) Are the Master of the Game
for our society and country have not been realized in sixty years. It will be foolish to complain and say that nothing works here. Of course, things can be a lot better, more egalitarian and a lot more transparent but at the same time it is also necessary for us to cherish and appreciate what’ s right about India. The change of power from one regime to another has always been absolutely smooth and totally constitutional. There is and will always be a clear demarcation of the role of the military in India. The disciplined Indian military has always subjected itself to civilian authority. The Indian electorate is known for making informed choice when selecting its leaders. The elections have always reflected the mood of the people. Political structures who by popular motion were voted to power , if they did not abide by their promises or were found to be floundering, have been shown their place at various times by the electorate. This aspect India must be truly cherished. This is the nature of India and its people who are far wiser than its sixty year of existence. But at the same time, we feel frustrated by the pace of our own democracy. Today the political parties, the press, the judiciary, NGOs and other pressure groups all exert their influence on public decisions. This constant pulls and tugs definitely slow down the pace of our decision making. We cannot wish away this democratic process. We must learn to live with this constraint. We must engage in debate, dialogue and find a way to work and to take decisions. According to me, India will never be a tiger. It will always be an elephant. There will be days during which the elephant will laze around in the pond, spraying water on itself; there will be days when it will gently pat the passers-by with its trunk; there will be days when it will meander in the fields; there will be days when it will sit still and will not budge; there will be days when it will carry a heavy load happily and there will also be days when it will break into a downhill run, when it will exhibit strength by uprooting trees or trample upon those around it and will run amok. We must just learn to live with the moods of India, with pride, fierce loyalty and unity. 31

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Youth comes but once in a lifetime –Longfellow.
Young India is surging forward in the international arena with great gusto enriching the talent pool with its immense intellectual prowess and creative wealth. Today, if our voice echoes in the global corridors as a force to reckon with, it is thanks to the immense contribution of young Indians in various fields. Eve’s Times is happy to announce a serial for and about the youth from one of the prominent youth leaders in our country, Karti Chidambaram. In this issue Karti shares his random thoughts about sixty years of Indian independence. Over to this suave and savvy youth icon: We are a young country even though sixty years seem a long time in human life. Despite India’s long and envious historical background, we are still a very young country. One must accept that perhaps the lofty expectations we have had December 16-31, 2009

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Know your personality
his is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and in their prospective employees.


C) a quiet chuckle D) a sheepish smile 6. When you go to a party or social gathering you... A) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you B) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know C) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed 7. You’re working very hard, concentrating hard, and you’re interrupted... A) welcome the break B) feel extremely irritated C) vary between these two extremes 8. Which of the following colors do you like most... A) B) C) D) Red or orange black yellow or light blue green, dark blue or purple, white, brown or gray

It’s only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, and answer truthfully 1. When do you feel your best.. A) in the morning B) during the afternoon and early evening C) late at night 2. You usually walk... A) fairly fast, with long steps B) fairly fast, with little steps C) less fast head up, looking the world in the face D) less fast, head down E) very slowly 3. When talking to people you.... A) B) C) D) E) stand with your arms folded have your hands clasped have one or both your hands on your hips touch or push the person to whom you are talking play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are.... A) B) C) D) E) stretched out on your back stretched out face down on your stomach on your side, slightly curled with your head on one arm with your head under the covers

4. When relaxing, you sit with... A) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side B) your legs crossed C) your legs stretched out or straight D) one leg curled under you 5. When something really amuses you, you react with... A) B) big appreciated laugh a laugh, but not a loud one

10. You often dream that you are... A) B) C) D) E) F) falling fighting or struggling searching for something or somebody flying or floating you usually have dreamless sleep your dreams are always pleasant


December 16-31, 2009

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For Your Eyes Only………………..Trisha

This is a fun column, a friendly exchange between you and your favourite Trisha. If you feel like opening out your heart to someone, perky and young Trisha is willing to lend you a helping hand. You can ask her anything under the sun… but this column is meant only for the teens…ADULT ALERT!!!! I am an outgoing and vivacious schoolgirl who has moved to Chennai from Mumbai. In my old school in Mumbai, I was quite popular and had a lot of friends. Since I joined the school in Chennai, it looks like I need to hone my people skills or December 16-31, 2009

have I jumped into another planet? Looks like I have turned to a wallflower. How do I get people to notice me? Maya, Chennai Hey just relax. You cannot get people notice you overnight. It takes time. Most importantly, just be yourself. Mingle with a lot of people and make friends.

If you are a person of the type you really claim to be, in no time they will notice all your qualities. Chennai is not like Mumbai. Southies are conservative and once they like you they will warm up to you. Needs patience and being the kind of person you are I am sure it is a piece of cake for you to achieve this. All the best and welcome to Chennai! 33

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Know your personality
understanding, someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out. 31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who’s extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you, realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken. 21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think t his reaction is caused partly by your careful nature. UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn’t want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don’t exist. Some people think you’re boring. Only those who know you well, know that you aren’t.

1. (a) 2 2. (a) 6 (e) 1 3. (a) 4 (e) 6 4. (a) 4 5. (a) 6 (e) 2 6. (a) 6 7. (a) 6 8. (a) 6 (d) 4 (g) 1 9. (a) 7 (d) 2 10 (a) 4 (d) 5 (b) 4 (b) 4 (b) 2 (b) 6 (b) 4 (b) 4 (b) 2 (b) 7 (e) 3 (b) 6 (e ) 1 (b) 2 (e) 6 (c) 6 (c) 7 (c) 5 (c) 2 (c) 3 (c) 2 (c) 4 (c) 5 (f ) 2 (c) 4 (c) 3 (f ) 1 (d) 2 (d) 7 (d) 1 (d) 5 though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once, someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

Now add up the total number of points.
OVER 60 POINT: Others see you as someone they should ‘handle with care’. You’re seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don’t always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you. 51 TO 60 POINTS : Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality, a natural leader, who’s quick to make decisions, 34

41 TO 50 POINTS : Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and

December 16-31, 2009


an I make fried snacks using olive oil? My family likes to eat a lot of fried stuff and I have decided to change over to olive oil, at least for frying snacks. Since we are poor eaters, I don’t mind spending for olive oil. Also, I would like to know if Virgin olive oil is the best for cooking purposes. After frying, can we re-use the left over oil? Can we add a spoon of ghee or butter to olive oil to enhance the taste of dishes like Pongal etc.? Will it make any difference to the taste? R. Mohini, Chennai

upset. What use can we make of milk that gets curdled? Vanaja Venkatraman he best way to test the state of curdled milk is to taste it to ensure that it is not sour or bitter. If you feel it is less curdled, you can add some more vinegar or lime juice to it. Then strain it to make paneer. Use the whey to knead soft chapatti dough. The paneer can be used to prepare koftas and cutlets.


less saturated fats, for normal cooking. If you can afford it, it is advisable to use Virgin olive oil for salads and normal cooking as it is not refined and is filled with nutrients as well. These nutrients are lost in cooking at high temperatures. Deep frying is best avoided. However, if you need to do so, it is better to use oil sparingly so that it does not get left over. Reusing oil causes oxidation and can turn it rancid. Oil may be reused in dishes like poriyal, which do not require high temperatures for cooking. When preparing Pongal, do not add ghee along with the oil. Instead add a teaspoon of ghee on top after the dish is cooked to enhance its taste. We make paneer at home by curdling fresh milk. Can we use milk that gets curdled to make paneer? Once I tried this, when the milk got spoilt, I filtered and made paneer and made malai kofta out of this, but I had to suffer from a huge stomach


t is better to avoid using olive oil to deep fry snacks as it is composed of mono unsaturated fats. For deep frying, a little saturated fat is required to arrest outside moisture when the temperature goes up to about 300 degrees centigrade. This ensures that the crispness of the snack is maintained. It is better to use refined peanut or groundnut oil for deep frying, and use sunflower oil, which has

Another way to use curdled milk is to add a little sugar, and heat it well to make therittupal. Alternatively you could add roasted rawa or khoya to make halwa. Interview by Deepti Menon The Best Query of the month will win a masala hamper from Mallika Home Product Pvt. Ltd. Cooking has never been a Spicier Experience! Eve’s Times readers have exciting news! Watch out for competitions on cookery tips and recipes. Dig out exotic recipes and innovative tips and win prizes! Send your recipes/ tips with your colour pix to Eve’s Times #18/1 Second Cross St Dr.Radhakrishnan Nagar, Tiruvanmiyur, Chennai 600 041 or by e-mail to editor@evestimesonline.com

December 16-31, 2009


Recipe of the Fortnight Chickent Jalfrezi
You can use leftover roast chicken to make a quick and tasty meal.

Mustard oil 1 tsp Vegetable oil 3 tbsp Large onion chopped finely 1 Garlic cloves, crushed 3 Tomato puree 1 tbsp Tomatoes, peeled and chopped 2 Ground turmeric 1 tsp Cumin seeds, ground ½ tsp Coriander seeds, ground ½ tsp Chilli powder ½ tsp Garam masala ½ tsp Red wine vinegar 1 tsp Small red (bell) pepper, chopped 1 Frozen broad beans 1 cup or 125gm Cooked chicken, cut into bite500 gms Sized pieces, Salt to taste, Fresh coriander (cilantro sprigs for garnishing

Heat the mustard oil in a large frying pan set over a high heat for about 1 minute until it begins to smoke. Add the vegetable oil, reduce the heat and then add the onion and the garlic. Fry oil, garlic and onion until they are golden. Add the tomato puree, chopped tomatoes, turmeric, ground cumin, ground coriander, chilli powder, garam masala and vinegar to the frying pan. Stir the mixture until fragrant. Add the red (bell) pepper and broad beans and stir for two minut until the pepper is softened. Stir in the chicken and salt to taste. Simmer gently for 6-8 minutes until the chicken is heated through and the beans are tender. Serve garnished with coriander sprigs.

Cook ‘n’ Smile Easy Recipes From the Recipes of Sumati Ramkumar
Slurping a hot cuppa soup is all that is needed to sizzle up your lives on a cool, wintry day or on a rainy day. And if you can add a little bit of health potion and your tender loving care into the soup, then your family’s health is made! Happy Souping!

Ingredients Broccoli Crushed pepper Salt Milk Method Cut the broccoli into small florets and wash them thoroughly. Cook the pieces in water with salt till 1 ¼ tsp to taste ¼ cup

they become tender . Cool and then grind in a mixie the water. Just before serving heat it again and add the milk and crushed pepper and serve.


December 16-31, 2009

From the Recipes of Sumati Ramkumar
Slurping a hot cuppa soup is all that is needed to sizzle up your lives on a cool, wintry day or on a rainy day. And if you can add a little bit of health potion and your tender loving care into the soup, then your family’s health is made! Happy Souping!

Ingredients Broccoli Crushed pepper Salt Milk Method Cut the broccoli into small florets and wash them thoroughly. Cook the pieces in water with salt till they become tender . Cool and then grind in a mixie the water. Just before serving heat it again and add the milk and crushed pepper and serve. 1 ¼ tsp to taste ¼ cup

Palak 1 bunch Spring onion only the green leaves cut into small pieces ¼ cup Tinned Sweet Corn ¼ cup Tomato Puree 2 tbsp Sugar 1 tsp Crushed Pepper 1 tsp Salt to taste Fresh Cream 1 tbsp (if dieting add 1 tsp of skimmed milk powder) Oil 1 tsp

Wash the Palak leaves well in warm water and keep aside. Boil water in a vessel and add the palak leaves and cook for 5 minutes. Meanwhile, wash the spring onions leaves and fry in a kadai for a minute . Take the palak leaves from the water and grind it along with the spring onion leaves and sweet corn in the mixie. Pour it into a vessel , add salt, sugar, tomato puree, pepper and stir well. Just before serving heat and add the fresh cream , mix well and serve hot. It will be a Delicious, Yummy Soup December 16-31, 2009 37

Wandering Ma Plastic Pest
am in Mylapore Tank on the famous Mada Street where you can buy anything on earth. I see a lady pick up odds and bits in a famous shop selling traditional stuff. She pays her bill and as the salesgirl begins to put her purchases in a plastic bag she says, “No! I don’t want a plastic bag. Please give me a paper one”. The shopkeeper says he doesn’t have one. “Haven’t you heard that we u w have to fight against plastic i t l ti t bags in this city,” she exclaimed and after looking around for a suitable carrier, as she had only a leather handbag, she wrapped up her purchases in a sheet of old newspaper and walked out of the shop. She was not very comfortable carrying the bundle of stuff trailing garlands and knick knacks, but she was willing to make the effort. If I were to choose the biggest villain in all history, I would easily name the guy, (undoubtedly a man!) who invented plastic carry bags. He has single-handedly perpetrated the degradation of the environment, ecology and life on Planet earth. Mea Culpa too, for I walked out of that shop with my purchases in a plastic bag! But I have learnt a lesson from the lady in Mada Street to shun plastic and never to leave home without my shopping basket/bag to bring home my purchases. In India, we have always been great recyclers as it were. Nothing was discarded and everything put to use, reuse and re-re-use until the stuff disintegrated to nothing. Take a sari—it was worn, washed and taken care off with little bits of mending and darning. Then when 38 38 it faded it was converted into a jhula or cradle for the current infant in the house. It was also used as room partitions or even curtains on windows. When it began to fray it was used to line mattresses and then pieces were converted into dusters, kitchen cloths and bandages. Why! In many states old saris have been converted into pieces of art—the Bengalis made piles of old saris into duvets and embellished them with kantha work. The Gujaratis and South Indians converted them into Godhadis or carrying cloths—patchwork pieces that were presented to newborn babies. The Punjabis created magnificent Phulkaris. Old dhothis were converted into nappies or used to protect and wrap silk saris that were stored in chests or cupboards. Vadams and pickles were made on the white material and spread to catch the sun and optimise its heat with its white background. Finally all material was shredded to make waste that mechanics and handymen used to wipe grease. I still remember with nostalgia the little paper cones of peanuts and maangai- thengai - pattani sundal that we used to buy in beaches and street corners. The dhal, rice, sugar and groceries were wrapped up in old December 16-31, 2009

newspaper. Even today many dhobis use old newspaper to line saris after cleaning, ironing them and thus give them some stiffness to help carry the flimsy material home.

Wood was used and reused in some way or the other –maybe to line roofs, to add to shanty walls, to reinforce footpaths and finally even to make rawlplugs, tiny slivers of wood that acted as ballast for nails in walls. Footwear was soled and resoled and used till the uppers gave way. Clothes were recycled and handed down to junior members without taking umbrage about hand-me-downs. Today, it is a use-and-throw culture. We don’t care a damn where our discarded stuff goes, how it can cause a huge ecological disaster. We don’t care whether materials are bio-degradable or can cause permanent damage in landfills, in the stomachs of animals, fish, clogging aquifers and water bodies. We pollute indiscriminately every water December 16-31, 2009

body and as a result soon we are going to run out of potable water… remember only 2% of the earth’s water supply is drinkable! With all this abuse, what are we going to leave behind for our future generations other than money that will itself degrade in value as the years of exploitation and neglect trundle along?

Padmini Natarajan 39

A Portrait of the Modern Woman – Tunnel Vision!
relationships with others, most of which have failed. This amazing novel has been adapted by a young Chennai director, Nikhila Kesavan, who has been in theatre for seven years now. She has retained the purple patches of the novel, and woven a tale about the modern Pakistani woman. What is uncanny is the way she instils a sense of déjà vu, as we see many modern stereotypes coming alive... the perfect homemaker, Ayesha’s Ammi suddenly falling to pieces as her unfaithful husband has an affair with their curvaceous maid, Nasreen, the bitterness with which she berates her young unmarried daughter. “You are a transit visa in some man’s exotic travels’, ending with a telling statement, “Mistresses have a short shelf life!” So acidic is she that Ayesha carries the bitterness within her heart, bringing it out when she argues with Saad, the love of her life, even as he tries to cajole her with humour and tenderness. The characters are lifelike... a college friend, Kulsoom, depicts the conservative woman, whose only aim in completing college is to find fulfilment as a wife and mother. Marriage brings with it respectability, she retorts to Ayesha. “If you are single, every man makes a play at you!” Unfortunately for Kulsoom, her unhappy marriage ends after - Deepti Menon she delivers a daughter, and her parents refuse to take her back as she is now part of her husband’s family. Ultimately she commits suicide, a tragic end for an unlikely heroine! Nikhila explores various relationships. The mother and daughter are two generations apart in their thinking. Bursts of acrimony are flowed by bouts of tenderness, but the truth is that they are both ashamed of each other. Ayesha’s younger brother, Adil, is never allowed to grow up by his mother who sees him as a little boy even after he has fallen in love with the


hat is woman? Only one of nature’s agreeable blunders, goes an old quote. Shandana Minhas, the Pakistani novelist, goes one step further in her revealing book ‘Tunnel Vision’, a book that talks of the so-called modern Pakistani woman, still mired in age old conservatism, and not at all apologetic about it.

Ayesha Siddiqui, an independent minded, thirty one year old working woman, looks for her story in the slogans at the back of trucks. Amazingly, she is the one who proposes to her genial boss, Saad, a man who loves her truly for what she is. However, unable to face his ‘silence for what seemed like infinity’, Ayesha races out of his life, and possible her own, when she meets with an accident, flies through the windscreen of her car, and goes into a coma. Her spirit hovers over her body, as it takes the reader across her own life in a series of vivid flashbacks, questioning her

beautiful Farah. It is when Ayesha is lying in a coma that Adil comes and opens his heart out to her, December 16-31, 2009


showing a concern that was never visible earlier. Strong undercurrents flow beneath the actual words spoken. Ammi, played magnificently by Anuradha Rao, accuses Ayesha [a talented Mekha Rao] of promiscuity, as she goes around with men who will never marry her. She even hints that Ayesha’s father is too fond of her, an accusation that is mostly a figment of her own imagination. Adil [Kailash] plays the young man who feels suffocated by his mother’s love for him, to the point that he accuses her of not realising that he too has adult needs. Two

doctors take care of Ayesha in her comatose state. Dr. Shafique [Amarendran] is the older, more sensitive one, who diagnoses nothing physically wrong with the girl. Dr Fauzia [Mala Govias], the cool clinical doctor takes charge when emotions run high. Kulsoom sees Mala Govias in a very different role as she turns into the pliant woman, for whom marriage is the ultimate destination. This transition takes place with the simple deft removal of the medical coat, as Fauzia metamorphoses into a young Kulsoom. Saad [Navin Balachander] comes across as a knight errant - charming, romantic and amusing. Another stereotype of the rich man falling in love with the rebellious, at times crude, young woman! However, this is proved wrong when Saad’s mother, [Indrani Krishnaier] appears in a wonderful cameo, and has a frank, if barbed conversation with Ammi, to quell her qualms. Insecurities crowd each other out in Ayesha’s mind – the feeling that she is not good

enough for Saad, the bitterness against her mother, her father’s infidelities and finally, his abandonment of his family– all these threads are woven together is a subtle, yet definitive way by a master story teller in a manner that lights up the dark minimalistic stage. Kudos to Nikhila Kesavan for having taken a complex book, and wrung out its essence to present it on stage so tellingly! Finally, the most poignant statement is made by Ayesha herself. “... In a coma, reduced to the sum of my biological function, with none of the inconvenient audible interference of the brain or the ego, I was THE perfect woman. Pretty, Pliant, Docile, Accepting...!” A statement that would halt even the most intrepid of women in their tracks, and make them think!

December 16-31, 2009


Mov Movie Review w
Rocket Singh – Salesman of the Year
Cast : Ranbir Kapoor, Gauhar Khan, Naveen Kaushik Director : Shimit Amin Harpreet Singh Bedi (Ranbir Kapoor) is a simple man with simple views about the world. He lives with his grandfather who has brought him up with a lot of molly-coddling and belief in doing what is right. Therefore he has zero idea about the ways of the world. His innocence is very adorable, a refreshing change from the cynical youth of today. Of all the places, he lands a job interview for a salesman and he is struck in the face by the highly competitive surroundings of the computer sales company AYS. He does not understand why his interviewer has to be so pushy nor does he give up when pushed. He is hired and his naiveté is further tested when he is taken on rounds by his immediate boss, the team head (Naveen Kaushik). His colleagues are the usual, stereotypical salespeople who try to teach him that only catchy phrases supposedly keep the customers happy. He nods and listens gullibly but still doesn’t understand their sets of principles. From here one would guess that he would pick up the nuances of being a salesman, meaning turning into a person like one of his annoying 42

colleagues. His first sales order turns out to be a fiasco when he refuses to bribe the client and promptly walks out. To make things worse he writes out his complaint on the company letterhead. The company receives a rude shock when

they receive news of his deeds. What people can’t really comprehend Rating is the extent of his innocence, even bordering on stupidity.

3.5 5

December 16-31, 2009

M Review Movie R vi
The team head is furious and his boss, Puri played by Shanthnoo Bhagyaraj irate. His colleagues are nothing short of homicidal and stop at nothing to make his life miserable. It is a heart rending moment when rockets are thrown at him while he is on a phone call. An idea dawns on him that he can start his own company with honest principles. The highly efficient receptionist played by Gauhar Khan, tips him with a few clients when she senses his misery. Under the name of ‘Rocket Sales Corporation’ he ropes in the maintenance guy and the receptionist as partners. Now Harpreet is in his element where he does not have to compromise on his values and principles. Once the “company’s” business picks up because of the strength in what they deliver, the partners realize that another person is needed. In comes the chaiwalla and the company’s share is divided to 25 percent each. The team leader finds them out and threatens to expose them. But the new company has given the people what they did not haveconfidence. Kaushik is made an offer that he dare not refuse and in comes the fifth partner. They use the unused lines in AYS’ office, their secret meetings in the bathroom or the terrace and the street food stall serves as their conference room. When sales rocket sky-high, Puri is baffled by the figures. He orders his employees to get hold of the owner. He places a call to the number on the pamphlet not knowing that it is directed to Harpreet’s desk, with a bid to buy them out of the business. When turned down his control freak nature drives him to find them out himself and is successful. The Rocket Sales Corporation’s victory run comes to a screeching halt when they are bought by their former boss. This moment reaches out us and makes us question our loyalties. The partners own up and face their ruin together. Each finds a job for them and their misery is unbearable. However, this acquisition turns out to be a liability as the employees of AYS have not changed a bit. They cannot provide the same service that was given to Rocket’s clients. Ultimately and with great difficulty Puri gives in and after a long heart to heart talk with Harpreet, he gives Rocket Sales Corporation back to him. The movie is sweet with its basic principles that we are taught since childhood, but give up somewhere along our journey of life. Though there are a few dragging moments with semiemotional dialogues, it avoids being preachy. The conversation is witty and the music catchy. Ranbir Kapoor looks sweet as a Sardar and his performance is remarkable. The co-stars support the film and it is all of them put together that takes the film along. Priyanka Sakhamuru

Choose the Star Teenager of the fortnight …
Write about a teenager who is simply out of the world…… according to you … well, you have to justify… why does he or she deserve to be the star? If you feel you can be that star… go ahead and propose your name… Send in a list of the star teenager's achievements…

Eve’s Thought for the Fornight Eve’s Thought for the Fornight
One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude fun A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child. small green worm. - Carl Jung

December 16-31, 2009



would like to appreciate the efforts taken by your editorial team to put together a highly informative issue about diabetes. Reading about the experiences of Ravi Bhaskaran and how he led the life of a diabetic has been confidence-enhancing. It was nice to see that despite facing several odds he has able to raise a good family and has been professionally successful too. We must appreciate the support of his wife in all his pursuits. However, not many people have been able to vanquish the odds against them imposed by the society and their families. There are several myths and misconceptions associated with ailments such as diabetes, hyper tension, heart problems etc. The media should play a major role in trying to dispel misconceptions and spread awareness about health issues in a major way, without creating fear or panic. Well researched articles bolstered by the views of experienced doctors is a good way to communicate to the readers different aspects of health and diseases and how to handle them. I am a regular reader of Eve’s Times and I find that health is a regular feature in every issue. You may think of bringing out special health supplements since you seem to have an editorial team well-versed in health matters. You can also look at offering readers several useful articles such as planning their finances, latest developments in real estate, jobs, education etc and make it more informative 44

and meaningful. The past few issues have been very well presented and designed. Congrats! C.V.Ramakrishnan, Chennai ve’s Times Short story on how children are put to great trouble by the media, parents and all others was an eye-opener , presenting the view point of the child. In today’s context, in their eagerness to promote their children in various activities, many parents push their children into activities that may not be appropriate to their age or abilities. It is sad that today even children have not been spared the rigors of the impact of the media and the aggressive competitiveness reigning supreme everywhere in our country. We see many parents pressurizing their children to prepare for professional examinations right from their childhood. In the process, children don’t enjoy the carefree and innocent days of childhood that we have had. There is no time to play with dolls or go out and play street cricket. There is no time to talk to friends, because the time otherwise spent with the so called friends at the pubs in a noisy ambience, is not really bonding time, but a very superficial way of entertainment. Same is the case with short-cut friendships through the online communities and smsing.


of an audience , especially when they are aware that hundreds of people would be watching them when the programme is telecast. I feel that such programmes must be dealt with under Children’s Rights and prevented from being telecast. Then, there are schools that heap not only too much workload but also the rigors of conducting cultural programmes. Today the fad is to send students to seek sponsorships, get the media to cover their events. It is truly sad that such indignities are heaped upon fragile shoulders while all of us who claim to be educated and sensible keep watching silently. The beauty of childhood seems to be lost forever. Can we revive the pristine innocence, the fantasies and dreams of childhood? That would be the best gift we can bestow upon our children, who would learn to grow up as more balanced and compassionate individuals. This view is also amply supported by “Why Misery” by Guruji, Jaggi Vasudev who has very clearly outlined the reason for happiness eluding mankind! A very thought-provoking article. Vasudha Rajagopalan, Chennai he new look that Eve’s Times has donned in the last few issues is really great. We look forward to many entertaining reading material of special interest to us youngsters. Kudos!


There are other parents who push their children to excel in sports, dance, music and other extra curricular activities. It is heart rending to see programs where children are criticized about their performance in front

Swati and Janani, College students, Chennai December 16-31, 2009

ve’s Times is happy to announce that Family therapist and ParentTeacher Educator Brinda Jayaraman will answer any query you want to ask relating to interpersonal interactions. Send in your questions to askbrinda@evestimesonline.com or to our office directly.


run a boutique shop in the city. I have employed a few people in my shop. So far I have never behaved like a boss, and I am very friendly with my staff. I try to be helpful whenever possible, to the extent of listening to their family problems and going out of the way to solve their problems. I had a good designer, a young chap who came from a poor family. I encouraged him and today he is employed in a good software firm. Whenever he gets a raise or a better job or at other times he calls me and talks to me to take my blessings. There is this other girl, who was in-charge of our boutique. She has many family problems. I went to the extent of publishing a marriage advertisement for her in my name and address and tried to get her married because her father was not doing anything. I encouraged her to continue


her studies and she has completed two years of graduation. I also told her to look for an educated groom. When a match was fixed, I went out of the way to find out about the boy going to his workplace and talking to his company chief. The girl had enormous respect for me, was honest and managed the boutique very well. But once the engagement was fixed, she immediately told me that she will leave the job, one month before the engagement. I attended her engagement and subsequently her marriage in February. Once she left the job there has not been a single phone call from her. Once when I wanted her help to make a call to somebody, she told me she did not have the time as there were many relatives in the house. Suddenly one day, she called me and told me that her fiancé has agreed that she can continue to work after marriage and that she would like to join my office, as it is a safe and comfortable place. She wanted a salary hike. Also she said she will join three months after her marriage, in April. I agreed because I find her quiet efficient and I have not been able to find a good replacement for her. However, I feel bitter about the whole thing. Am I expecting too

much from the girl and others or is it too much to expect a ‘personal touch,’ from anyone today? Is there no place for love and affection today? Should I employ her or find somebody else? Your hurt is justifiable; but your expectation is not! If you go out of the way to help somebody, it reflects your good nature. Reciprocation from the recipient, although is fair, does not happen in today’s world of self centered people! This girl is dictating terms to you and it seems like she is exploiting your plight. I do not think you should allow this, as she would assume a superior position in future! I don’t believe that you won’t get some one like her! Efficient workers can be spotted only by trial and error. I think you are confusing yourself about being bossy and being friendly. Sure a boss should not be bossy; at the same time if a boss is very friendly, the subordinate would exploit his/ her goodness. An effective boss would be friendly, but would be firm about her/his expectations. You did the right thing in giving an emotional support to her; but your going out of the way to help her has given her an impression that she is indispensable to you, hence this behaviour. Forget about her and look for a fresh appointment and avoid the mistakes you did with her. 45

December 16-31, 2009

the process of creation or you just want to live peacefully - what you need to do is enhance this perception to its ultimate level, to know the Ultimate, or at least enhance your perception to some level where your body, and mind, and emotion, and energy happen the way you want them. See, anything that is not in your awareness does not exist for you; and only what you are aware of, you can handle and do things about. If you carefully examine, you will see a large part of you is not in your awareness. If you bring more and more of this into your awareness, you will see suddenly your life begins to happen on all levels the way you want it. So ‘Inner Engineering’ means having an inner perception of life - a perception which is not limited to the five sense organs. When I say ‘an inner perception’, am I talking about some airy things? Let us start from the mundane – if your perception is beyond the senses, and food appears in front of you, you can simply know how this food will behave in your system. But this perception is more and more going away from human beings. From something as simple as that to the ultimate possibility, the inner perception would bring a completely new dimension into one’s life. And all the activity that we are doing in our lives - whether you are a doctor, or you are a policeman, or you are an engineer, or whatever you are fundamentally, your perception of what is right now in front of December 16-31, 2009

Creating Your Life the Way You Want It


an has spent too much time trying to think about things to which he has no access. When you try to think about that to which you have no access, towards which you have no perception, all you can do is speculate. When you do excessive speculation without any fundamentals, it amounts to hallucination. Because of this, a large part of religion and spirituality in the world has become purely hallucinatory. If you are really interested in knowing life in its depth, you must see how to enhance your perception. This moment, if you fall asleep, suddenly people around you will disappear, the world will disappear and you 46

also disappear. You are still alive, everybody around is alive, the existence is on, but in your experience everything disappeared, because these five sense organs have shut down. Right now your whole perception of life is limited to five sense organs - seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting, touching. And these sense organs, in the very nature of things, can perceive only that which is physical. Now the question of going beyond the physical arises in your life only when you are done with survival. You are not just interested in living a good life; you want to know the very source of life. So it does not matter whether you want to know

you decides the effectiveness of who you are, and how much you do on this planet. People are always asking me, “Sadhguru, you’re talking about so many subjects. Where do you get the time to read?” I say, “I don’t read.” What is there in front of me, I perceive it as it is and that is it. There is no need to carry the burden of knowledge on your head, if your perception is keen enough. So perception can be raised to various levels through certain inner instruments. Is it very difficult? Can I rise beyond my

senses? Do I have to withdraw to a Himalayan cave to do this? There is no such thing; any human being who is willing to dedicate just a few minutes of his life per day can begin to know this. Because it is not sitting somewhere in the Himalayas, it is within you. What is within you is not inaccessible to you. You are just too busy and enamoured with what is happening outside; you never paid any attention to the inside. It is just lack of attention which has denied people this possibility. If people develop this simple process of paying a little bit of attention to themselves, rather than expecting other people’s attention to them, it would definitely change the fundamentals of their life in so many ways. I can show you millions of people, whose lives have been transformed in so many different ways by just spending fifteen to twenty minutes a day on this process. That is all it takes.


adhguru is a Realised Master, Yogi and profound Mystic of our times. A visionary, Sadhguru asserts that peace and happiness are not the ultimate goal of life, but the most basic needs in every human being. He developed Isha Yoga as a powerful method for individual transformation leading to human emancipation. A glimpse of his life and work can be found in the books of Encounter the Enlightened and Mystic’s Musings. For more details www.ishafoundation.org and chennai@ishafoundation.org

Happy Christmas Happy New Year

Eve’s Times

December 16-31, 2009


LetsDoSomething is conducting a Winter workshop in partnership with Ekkalaivaa Academy for Hobbyist. Course duration: 21st Dec’09 to 4th Jan’10. The courses being offered are Toy Science, Hobby Electronics and Robotics (kit included) Contact: 044-45014350, No.41, Sarathy Nagar, Velachery, Opposite Vijay Nagar Bus Stand.

Workshop on Digital Photography
Learn Basics of Digital Photography @ LetsDoSomething, Velachery on 19th December. Use this workshop to learn about the various nuances of photography and the technology behind this passionate hobby. Contact: 044-45014350, No.41, Sarathy Nagar, Velachery, Opposite Vijay Nagar Bus Stand.

Learn Embroidery
Saturday 12th Dec’09. Course fee al inclusive of the material. Hurry!! Registrations close soon. Contact: LetsDoSomethingt: 044-45014350, No.41, Sarathy Nagar, Velachery, Opposite Vijay Nagar Bus Stand. *Other regular activities include western danceclasses/ yoga/drawing/carnatic music/ keyboard/drums. 48 December 16-31, 2009

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Enhance your life...

Published by Smt. Kamala Balachandran on behalf of Eve’s Times Group from 18/1, 2nd Cross Street, Dr.Radhakrishnan Nagar, Tiruvanmiyur, Chennai - 600 041. Ph : 24526739. Printed by : K.Elumalai at Sakthi Scanners (P) Ltd., No.7, Dams Road, Chindadripet, Chennai - 600 002. Editor : Lata Amarnath