This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
About a great, yet unknown to most, puppy by the name of Roger. He was a legendary pup that was so god-tier awesome that he was able to singlehandedly win a superbowl. Roger as a Young Puppy When he was born, Roger was always an odd one. He was the only one of his litter that had a spot on his head. All the other dogs in his family, mother and father inclusive, had clear fur. Because of this, everyone assumed he’d had something wrong with him. His owners gave him less than the others because they were breeders and to them, he was impure and therefore unfit for their love. After he was grown enough to be separated from his mother, Roger’s owners had him placed in an animal shelter, hoping, but not really caring, that he would be adopted into a family that could take care of him. A few days spent at this shelter was all that he needed for his destiny to unfold before him, as the local children played tackle football all day very nearby. Roger spent days watching the kids go at each other and on the rare occasions that he was allowed out to play with the kids, occasionally jumped into the games on his own accord, leveling his fair share of kids. The kids always joked around about him being able to go pro. Roger took this as a challenge. He was eventually adopted by a family that, in this storyteller’s opinion, had absolutely no business owning an animal, much less so than those snooty original owners for sure! Growing up in this family he was beaten mercilessly by most of the people in the house. Most of them except, as fate would have it, their football playing son. The kid wasn’t the best on his team, nor was he the worst. E was average at best before Roger came along. Once Roger saw that he could have his chance at training with an actual player, though, they both started to improve tremendously. They would practice for hours on end, the boy showing him all the love the family never gave him. They played fetch by running actual patterns for both offense and defense. Given the dog’s natural ability to catch things running one direction, turn around, and run the opposite direction, it became very clear to the boy that Roger would be destined for greatness…if he could somehow show his coach and get it to pass that it was not merely a trick, as the dog had very clearly demonstrated his ability to run through defenders and take down receivers all on his own. The boy had Roger demonstrate his abilities to his coach, who quickly benched the kid and put his dog in his place. (Lol fuck your shit, kid.) There wasn’t a rule in the book that said a dog couldn’t play the sport so they were forced to allow it until they could get it amended. If Air Bud is any indication, they never got that to pass.
Roger: The Son of a Bitch that Won the Superbowl After winning a few games with multiple interceptions, touchdowns, field goals (Do not ask, I don’t even know. He was that awesome.) and safeties in each of them, the coach decided to show the dog off to a nearby news station. Word spread fast and by the time a couple more weeks had passed, he was picked up by a team in the NFL. What team it was is up for speculation as the legend always changed over the years with people putting in their favorite team whenever they told it. Roger’s Rise Roger’s first game in that huge stadium was a miserable failure as far as his prior games were concerned. He was just too nervous with all those screaming fans and hecklers. He limped away from that first game with a couple sprains, but nothing too serious. He went back to training while the coaches and lawyers debated the ethics and profitability of allowing a dog out on the field. Not to mention questioning the sanity of the players charging directly at such a large dog and tackling it. After training for a few weeks he felt ready. He went back into the stadium and held his head up…straight. Dogs can’t look up. He was never brought down the whole day, and brought down more than his share of players that were wondering if it was even the same dog after his first performance. But they knew all too well that it was indeed the very same dog and that he was back with a vengeance. He carried his team through the season undefeated from that point on, and even literally carried a few players, on his back, into the endzone on occasion. Again, no rule that says he couldn’t. The superbowl came and by that time all players in the league were in awe at how amazing a player this dog was. He had broken records that took their holders entire careers to set in his single season, which in all fairness to him, is just him working overtime due to the one year in play being seven years to him. The game would be better played out by a more sport-loving author than myself so All I can say now is that the last play was kind of like the last play in The Longest Yard (The remake that came out a couple years ago. I don’t know about the original so much) where Burt Reynolds barely makes it into the endzone. Except this was like…The snap goes straight to Roger and he leaps off the back of the center, nearly clearing the defenders, but snagged his foot on the helmet, but not the facemask, of one of the taller ones, and then he gets dogpiled. (HAHAHAHAHA INCREDIBLY LAME PUN) When all of the players get off of him, it is revealed that he had made it into the endzone just enough to score the winning touchdown. But all of that weight and lack of oxygen had left him incapacitated. He had won the game, but was then rushed to the nearest veterinarian for an emergency checkup. By the time he got there, he was gone. He had lived a full life. Better than most. He died doing what he loved. *Raises glass* TO ROGER!
Roger: The Son of a Bitch that Won the Superbowl Crowd: *Screaming and cheering and what have you.*