You are on page 1of 5

The Apache

tracker.
Telly the Barber. Big Rico's Pizza. Cecil.
Cecils smooth,
smooth voice
speaking directly
to you, dear
listener.
Carloss perfect
hair.
Desert Bluffs. The Dog Park.
The Desert
Flower Bowling
Alley and Arcade
Fun Complex.
Hiram McDaniels. The Faceless Old
Woman who
secretly lives
inside your
house.
The Hole in the
Vacant Lot Out
Back of the
Ralphs.
The Brown Stone
Spire.
John Peters, you
know, the farmer.
Khoshekh. The man in the
tan leather
jacket.
Mayor Pamela
Winchell.
A suitcase full of
flies.
The Night Vale
Waterfront
Recreation Area.
Reaching Eternal
Scout.
Larry Leroy, out
on the edge of
town.
The Night Vale
NRA.
The Night Vale
Post Office.
The Night Vale
Public Library
Summer Reading
Program.
The Night Vale
Public Library.
Radon Canyon. Steve Carlsberg. The Shape In
Grove Park That
No One
Acknowledges or
Speaks About.
The Sheriffs
Secret Police.
Wheat and wheat
by-products.
The Whispering
Forest.
You, dear
listener.
The spiders that
are statistically
on you at all
times.
Station
Management.
Intern Dana (or
her double).
The Hooded
Figures.
The Hierarchy of
Angels.
All hail the Glow
Cloud.
Strexcorp. Thinking deeply
about meadows.
A bad case of
Throat Spiders.
A rift in space/time
setting loose
confused and
physically
aggressive
Pteranodons
The horrific
memories of
Street Cleaning
Day
The Man in the
Tan Jacket.
Svitz; land of low
rolling hills and
off-key tones
heard on the
breeze.
Graduating to
Eternal Scout
Joseph Fink; the
real one.
Outbidding a
scientist for Lot
37
An adult male's
hand named
Megan.
Emergency press
conferences
Backwards court
system that will uphold
any old authoritarian
rule made up on the fly
by unsupervised gun-
carrying thugs.
Using
interpretative
dance to teach
children about the
cold and empty,
carnivorous void.
Waking up naked
in a field of
imaginary corn.
Tamika Flynn's
hundreds-strong
organized militia
of children
Secret Police
mascot, Barks
Ennu
Defeating a
librarian, the
most fearsome
creature of all.
Viral marketing
involving a
sentient, trans-
dimensional
pyramid,
Flaky-Os Night
Time Only cereal.
Louie Blasco (former
resident, proprietor of
the burned-out shell of
Louie's Music Shop,
who skipped town
years ago with the
insurance money)
Marcus Vansten
Setting down the
turnip to get the
blood I need.
Mundanity, and
terror, and food,
and love.
Taking an
interest in a life
free of pain.
Detaching limbs
and throwing
them in the air to
sate the demands
of the birds.
All this empathy! An army of well-
read children
using guerrilla
tactics.
The greatest
compliment of
all; 'nice bolo tie'.
Still being ruled
by the Reptilians.
A Smiling God. REACHING
YOUR FULL
PRODUCTIVE
POTENTIAL
Finding more
ways to work
'plinth' into daily
conversations.
Endless searing
sunshine, delicious
transdimensional
orange juice and
adorable furry pets
with adorable gnashing
teeth!
That nagging
feeling that you
left the coffee pot
on.
A casual
weekend labcoat.
The unending,
deadly horror
that is the staff
baseball game.
Uplifting framed
pictures of
human teeth.
Blood and animal
viscera covering
every surface.
The Cathedral of
Huntokhar.
The inevitable
bloodshed that
follows a
Company Picnic.
Celebrating the
corpse-strewn
future
Lethargic bees Telling terrifying
German monster
stories to your
children before
bed
The way
jawbones just
kind of hit the
ground and flop
once
Building a
religion around
yourself
The sound of your
own thoughts
broadcast on the
radio for all to
hear
Shaking hard at
first, violently at
second,
pounding and
yelling at third
Future home of
the Old Night
Vale Opera
House
Night-vision
goggles, glass
cutters, a
breathable ski
mask, and quiet
shoes
The creaking and
heaving deep
under the earth
Bubbling black
like a pot of
boiling squid ink
Turning your
back to it like a
good mountain
nonbeliever
Leaving a hello
unreceived
Obstinate denial Calling
emergency press
conferences as
much as five
times a day
Popping
hundreds of
orange balloons,
methodically
Death,
presumably
The noisy
sunrise
Trying to
remember
something
important, and
failing
WALK signals Suspicious birds