How to create the marriage of your dream 3 Have you observed that some people just appear that

they are born lucky; everything just keeps falling in place for them with little or no effort. I have met people who have succeeded tremendously because opportunities keep falling their way; they are who you will call, the ones that the gods are always smiling on. However, I have also come to discover in my interaction with some of these privileged people, that the elevation they enjoy didn’t just drop on them as it may seem. They had to create the environment that made it conducive for the opportunities that came their way; they had taken the painstaking path of been educated and making progressive changes that allowed them to be flexible to the changing times. In relationship issues, some also appear to be lucky when it comes to finding the right partner. When you meet people with this luck, you will really wish that you can get married and experience the kind of pleasure they enjoy in their home. However, I have also observed that getting married to a good partner isn’t all that will determine the success of any relationship, but what the partners took time to create in their home. Whether you are the lucky or unlucky type don’t really matter, you can also create what you desire to see in your own life and relationship. The law of creation has nothing to do with been lucky; it has a lot to do with you knowing how to activate it to get what you want. One of the challenges that people have in their marriage is that they didn’t take the time to learn how to create the kind of marriage they desire; they took the time to know other areas of life but most neglect the issue of relationship because its easy to conclude that you know it all in that area. People will read to pass through primary, secondary and tertiary institution yet will not take their time to do the same for the success of the most vital institution in the world- marriage. I will like to share with you in this write up one of the ways to create the marriage of your dream and will continue in subsequent weeksDevelop social skills- Sociologist often that that statement is degrading because he was created in the image and likeness statement by saying that man is a social refer to man as a social animal; I feel man is far more superior that any animalof his Maker. I will rather rephrase the being.

Due to the fact that we are social beings, we need people to succeed or get to our desired destination. I have also come to discover that the way you relate with people, is the way you will relate with your partner after marriage in the final analysis. By design, we are created to behave in a consistent manner; irrespective of how anyone is treating you now, he/she will eventually treat you in the manner he/she treats others. I define social skill as ability to relate with friends and foes alike. You can’t love everyone, but you should be able to relate with people effectively; the reason why this skill is essential is because marriage is more than getting married to your partner alone. It involves relating with other people who your partner has been involved with before you came into his/her life. The idea that marriage involves only you and your partner may be good for the western world, but the reality is that it’s not so. You will need to develop this skill because it’s not something that can be impacted, but can only be acquired by conscious effort on the part of anyone interested in developing it. Yemi had grown up in an environment where her grand mother (her father’s mum) always have her way in their home; his dad is the only child of her parents and

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can see the possessive tendencies in his mum’s relationship with him. Her mum always been at logger head with his mum and her (Yemi) dad has always taken side of his mum. She had heard her parents quarrel owing to her grand mum and desire to be in charge in their home.

One of the prayers that Yemi had often prayed is that when the time comes for her to be married, her hubby’s mum will be different from her grand mum. She got married to Dapo who is her friend right from the university; their marriage will have been hellish if she hadn’t taken the time to learn from her parent’s experience. What she has learnt to do is to keep quite when she observed things that are not in place during the period that her mother in-law came to stay with them; she waits for the appropriate time when the air seem right and approach her husband on the issue on ground, praying that he will see them the way it should be seen. Another way she had learnt to manage her in-laws is from the experience she has learnt in relating with people especially her boss and subordinates in the office. She knows that during pressured periods in the office, the reactions she get from them some times hurt; so she just keeps quite and wait for the right time to discuss any issue with them. That has also helped out in her relationship with her sister in-laws especially; today, she enjoys a relationship with her in-laws far better than what her mum did with her husbands family members. Understand the order in marriage- There is nothing created that will last the test of time if orderliness is out of place; I have come to discover that one of the challenges in marriage is disorderliness. When either of the couple usurp the role of his/her partner, trouble is always the end result. Watch a home the wife bosses her hubby around; the children (the unwise ones) always end up worse of in their marriages. The order in marriage is God first, followed by ones partner, children and any other thing or person can come next. It’s wrong for you to get married and let your mum run your home (I have said this in meeting, when you get married, let your mum stay in her husband’s house). If you are financially okay than the man you get married to, don’t usurp authority from him by wanting to always have your way; it will have a boomerang effect on your marriage that may destroy it. Every woman should learn to allow the man feel in charge of his household. Few days to the d day of Linda’s marriage, I asked her the question, what did you learn from the collapse of your parents’ marriage? Her response was that, she had observed that her mum was always proud and pompous; she (her mu) came from a home of royalty and wealth; she never stopped rubbing it on her dad. She observed periods that her dad had to allow her (Linda) mum have her way because he wants peace to reign. When she was 18 years ago, she saw her dad gave a kiss and wished her happy birthday; he left for the office never to come and live with them again. Her guess was that he had gotten to a point that he couldn’t take any more what her mum had been throwing at him. It hurts, but as she began to growing up she stopped blaming her dad for leaving them. So the lesson she learnt is, always let the man of the house be in charge. Do you have a question on any relationship issue or do want to receive my monthly text messages? I also want to specially invite you for a monthly relationship meeting. Send a text with your email address and get a free e-book; your confidentiality will be kept. Olufemi Fasanya

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