* THE REAL OLD TIME RELIGION tune: "Old Time Religion" (Chorus): Give me that real old time

religion (3X) It's good enough for me! We will have a mighty orgy in the honour of Astarte it'll be a mighty party and it's good enough for me! We will sacrifice we will sacrifice Burn a candle for and the Goat With to Yuggoth to Yuggoth Yog-Soggoth a Thousand Young!

We will all be saved by Mithras We will all be saved by Mithras slay the Bull and play the zithras on that Resurrection Day! I hear Valkyries a-comin In the air their song is comin They forgot the words! They're hummin! But they're good enough for me! We will venerate Bubastis We will venerate Bubastis If you want in, then just ast us! 'cause that's good enough for me! We will all bow down to We will all bow down to Pass your Cup and get a With bold Gilgamesh the Enlil Enlil refill! Brave!

If your rising sign is Aries You'll be taken by the Fairies Meet the Buddah in Benares where he'll hit you with a pie! There are people into Voodoo there are people into Voodoo I know I do, I hope you do! and it's good enough for me! We will read from the Kabahlah We will read from the Kabahlah It won't get us to Valhalla But it's good enough for me! There are some who practice Shinto there are some who practice Shinto there's no telling what WE'RE into! but that's good enough for me! We will all sing Hare Krishna We will all sing Hare Krishna It's not mentioned in the Mishna But it's good enough for me! We will all go to Nirvana We will all go to Nirvana Make a left turn at Urbana And you'll see the Promised Land!

We will all see Aphrodite Though she's pretty wild and flighty She will meet us in her nightie And she's good enough for me! It was good enough for Loki It was good enough for Loki He thinks Thor's a little hokey and that's good enough for me! Here's to those who copy Conan Here's to those who copy Conan They're just Followers of Onan and that's good enough for me! We will have a mighty Party In the honor of Astarte Grab your chiton - don't be tardy 'Cause she's good enough for me! Shall we sing a verse for Venus, Of the Gods she is the meanest, Cause she bit me on my...elbow And it's good enough for me.

There will be a lot of lovin when we're meetin in our Coven Quit yer pushin and yer shovin So there's room enough for me! It was good enough for Sappho With her lady on her lap-o She put Lesbos on the map-o With her pagan poetry! Well the Christians all are humming Cause they say their God is coming, Our God came three times this evening And that's good enough for me.

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#2 "That Real Old-Time Religion" (Extra verses) We will worship like the Druids, Drinking strange fermented fluids, Running naked through the woo-ids, Coz that's good enough for me. We will sing a verse for Loki He's the old Norse god of Chaos Which is why this verse don't rhyme or scan or nothin' But it's good enough for me... It was good for Thor and It was good for Thor and Grab an axe and get your and it's good enough for Odin Odin woad on! me! Some guys have a circumcision On account of their religion, An embarrassing incision Cut just ENOUGH from me! It was good for old Jehovah He had a son who was a nova! Hey there, Mithras! Move on ova'! Another resurrection Day! It could be that you're a Parsi It could be that you're a Parsi Don't need a ticket; you get in free And that's good enough for me!

Azahoth is in his Chaos Azahoth is in his Chaos Now if only he don't sway us That is good enough for me!

Just like Carlos Castenada Just like Carlos Castenada It'll get you sooner or later And that's good enough for me! Jerry Falwell thinks he's sav-ed In a lamb's blood he's been lav-ed And HE thinks that I'M deprav-ed But that's good enough for me... We will all bow down to Dagon We will all bow down to Dagon He still votes for Ronald Reagan And that's good enough for me!

If you think that you'll be sav-ed If you think that you'll be sav-ed If you follow Mogen David Then that's good enough for me! We will sing to Lady Isis She'll stand by us in a crisis And She hasn't raised Her prices And She's good enough for me!

There are those who, when they've got eNormous problems that are knotty They just take them to Hecate Thanks to great Quetzacoatl And that's good enough for me! And his sacred axolotl And his gift of chocolatl Was a time, so I've heard tell, a And please pass some down to me! Fine and promising young fella Gave his all to serve Cybele But that's damn well not for me! Well, she raised an awful flurry When she made the scholars worry Thank the Gods for Margaret Murray! She is good enough for me! We'll sing praises to Apollo Where the Sun-God leads, I'll follow From Ionia to Gaul-o And that's good enough for me! Let us sing the praise of Horus As our fathers did before us We're the New Egyptian Chorus And we sing in harmony! When old Gerald When old Gerald All that hidin' And that's good got it got it turned enough goin' goin' to showin' for me!

When we all bowed down to Nuit There was really nothin' to it (Alex Sanders made me do it...) But that's good enough for me!

We went off to worship Venus By the Gods! You should have seen us! Now the Clinic has to screen us... But that's good enough for me!

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#3 "That Real Old Time Religion:" Extra Verses It was good enough for Granny She could throw a double-whammy That would knock you on your fanny And she's good enough for me! We will gather at our saunas When the spirit comes upon us To perform the Rites of Faunus And that's good enough for me! We will worship mighty Cthulhu H. P. Lovecraft's big old hoodoo (1930's fiction voodoo....) But that's good enough for me! Oh the Phillistines abound Oh the Phillistines abound They had the biggest Baals around And that's good enough for me! Oh, our Spirits will awaken Oh, our Spirits will awaken Watch the Universe a-quakin' Which is Gurdijeff to me! It's not good enough for Reagan It's not good enough for Reagan He's too square to be a Pagan! And that's good enough for me! Meeting at the Witching Hour By the Bud, and Branch and Flower Folks are raising up the Power And that's where I want to be! In the sky I hear a hummin' It's the UFO's a-comin' That's not banjos that they're strummin' But it's good enough for me! Oh we all will follow Buddah Oh we all will follow Buddah And we'll eat no food but Gouda Which is Gouda-nuff for me

We'll sing praises to Apollo; Where the Sun God leads we'll follow ('Though his head's a little hollow) He's good enough for me! We will worship Great Cthulhu, We will worship Great Cthulhu, And we'll feed him Mr. Sulu 'Cause that's good enough for me! We all worshipped Dionysus 'Till we ran into a crisis The bar had raised its prices; That's not good enough for me. We will go and sing "Hosanna" To our good ol' pal, Gautama, He will never flim or flam ya', And that's good enough for me! When the clouds they are a'rumbling And the thunder is a'grumbling, Then it's Crowley that you're mumbling, And it's good enough for me! Shall we sing a verse for Thor, Though he leaves the maidens sore? They always come back for more, So he's good enough for me! It was good enough for Odin Though the tremblin' got forbodin' Then the giants finally strode in, But it's good enough for me.

Let us raise a toast to Bacchus, We will raise a royal ruckus, Then we'll lay us down and f**k us That's good enough for me. It was good enough for Buddha, As a god he's kinda cute-a, And he comes in brass or pewta' So he's good enough for me! Uncle Crowley was a dreamer At the Abbey of Thelemer But his magic is a screamer, So it's good enough for me. Oh we'll all be Fundamental And be Holy Testamental And never Trancendental And that's good enough for me! There are some that call it folly When we worship Mother Kali. She may not be very jolly But she's good enough for me. Shall we sing in praise of Loki, Though he left poor Midgard smokey? Oh, his sense of humor's hokey, But he's good enough for me.

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#4 "That Real Old-Time Religion:" Extra Verses Montezuma liked to start out Rites by carrying a part out That would really tear your heart out, But it's good enough for me! We will all bow down to Allah For he gave his loyal follow Ers the mighty petro-dollah And that's good enough for me! There's that lusty old Priapus He's just itching to unwrap us. (He'd do more to us than tap us And that's good enough for me!)

Where's the gong gone? I can't find it I think Northwoods is behind it! For they've always been cymbal-minded And they're good enough for me! We will pray with those Egyptians Build pyramids to put our crypts in Cover subways with inscriptions, which is good enough for me.....!

I was singing Hari Rama With my friend the Dalai Lama 'Til they dumped us in the slammer But that's good enough for me One-eyed Odin we will follow And in fighting we will wallow Till we wind up in Valhallow Which is good enough for me!

We will pray to Zarathustra And we'll pray just like we usta I'm a Zarathustra boosta! And that's good enough for me! I'll arise at early mornin' When the Sun gives me the warnin' That the Solar Age is dawnin' And that's good enough for me! Of Great Murphy much is spoken For his Law shall not be broken It's not pretty when he's woken Things go wrong for you and me!

Hare Krishna gets a laugh on When he sees me dressed in saffron With my hair that's only half on But that's good enough for me!

We will sing a verse for Eris (Golden apples for the fairest!) Though she sometimes likes to scare us But she's good enough for me! We will sing for great Diana Who will teach of love and honor But you really gotta wanna! 'Cause she's tough enough for me! We will venerate Bubastis 'Cause my cat walked up and ast us (Now the cat box is DISASTROUS!) But it's good enough for me! I'll sing some songs to Lilith, Not so young, and not so girlish, and She's always PMS-ish, but She's good enough for me! And what about this Bacchus, Who lives just to raise a ruckus? Loosens women so they'll f*** us, Well, that's good enough for me! Lilith wears a lacy nightie And She is a little flighty She will get you all excite-y She's wet-dream enough for me!

If your god of choice is Squat Well then trendy, man, you're not But you'll get a parking spot! And that's good enough for me! Call Him God, or call him Allah The priest will take your dollah Easy living from -your- follah-wers, but sorry, -not- from me! Now She And And Danae was sweet as flowers, was into golden showers; that showed her Zeus' power that's good enough for me!

Diana is a little spikey And she is a little dyke-ey You don't have to be a Psych-e To know that's right for me! That Bob Larson shrieks and hollers Fighting demons in his callers Save his program: SEND YOUR DOLLARS! And that's good enough for me.

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#5 "That Real Old-Time Religion:" Extra Verses With the aid of my athame I can throw a "double-whammy" (And can slice and dice salami!) So it's good enough for me. We will worship with the Fundies With their itchy hair-shirt undies If they don't bring "Mrs. Grundy," Then it's good enough for me! We will worship Holy Ford Beta, Delta, Gamma, Lord But the Alphas might get bored A Brave New World for you and me! There are those who follow Crowley Tho the stuff that he held holy Turn your your brain to guacamole But he's good enough for me! There are those who scream and hollar And get hot under the collar For their god, Almighty Dollar, Who is good enough for me! There are those who worship no gods For they think that there are low odds That the god-seers aren't drunk sods But they're good enough for me! Well I'm tired of Ronald Reagan, He's too square to be a pagan, Let's all vote for Carl Sagan! He's good enough for me. L. Ron Hubbard liked precision And he founded a religion That has caught a lot of pigeons And it's good enough for me! We will worship with the witches 'Cause we're rowdy sons-of-bitches And they scratch us where it itches And that's good enough for me! Some folks pray to the Orishas Tho their humor can be vishas When they grant your stupid wishas But they're good enough for me! There are those who worship Satan And are just anticipatin' Armageddon's conflagratin' That ain't good enough for me! Some folks worship the Kachinas Some folks worship the Kachinas They look like "deus ex machinas", But they're good enough for me! We will read from the Cabala. Quote the Tree of Life mandala It won't get you in Valhalla, Yet it's good enough for me.

Some folks worship all of Nature Tho they love to taunt and bait-cher They're just funnin', they don't hate-cher And they're good enough for me! Some folks pray to the Great Spirit Most folks just cannot get near it So they hate it and they fear it But it's good enough for me! To the tune of Handel's "Largo" We will hymn the gods of cargo 'Til they slap on an embargo And that's good enough for me. We will drive up to Valhalla Riding Beetles, not Impalas Singing "Deutschland Uber Alles" And that's good enough for me. We will sing of Iluvatur, Who sent the Valar 'cross the water To lead Morgoth to the slaughter And that's just fine with me.

There is room enough in Hades For lots of criminals and shadies And disreputable ladies, And they're good enough for me. Praise to Popacatapetl Just a tiny cigarette'll Put him in terrific fettle So he's good enough for me. We will all bow to Hephaestus As a blacksmith he will test us 'Cause his balls are pure asbestos So he's good enough for me. We will sing of Foul the Render, Who's got Drool Rockworm on a bender In his cave in Kiril Threndor-They're both too much for me.

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#6 "That Real Old-Time Religion:" Extra Verses We will sing the Jug of Issek, And of Fafhrd his chief mystic, Though to thieving Mouser will stick, And that's good enough for me. You can dance and wave the thyrsos And sing lots of rowdy verses Till the neighbors holler curses, And that's good enough for me. We will go to worship Zeus Though his morals are quite loose He gave Leda quite a goose And he's good enough for me. We will sing a song of Mithras Let us sing a song of Mithras But there is no rhyme for Mithras! Still he's good enough for me. We will go to worship Kali She will help us in our folly She'd be quite an armful, golly! And she's good enough for me. Let us watch Ka.ka.pa.ull Frolic in her swimming pool Subjecting chaos to her rule And that's all right with me Of the Old Ones, none is vaster Even Cthulhu's not his master I refer to the unspeakable *-----* and that's good enough for me Let us worship old Jehovah All you other gods move ovah Cause the one God's takin' over And it's good enough for me Timmy Leary we will sing to And the things that he was into (Well, at least it wasn't Shinto) And that's good enough for me. We will pray to Father Zeus In his temple we'll hang loose Eating roast beef au jus, And that's good enough for me. We will finally pray to Jesus, From our sins we hope he frees us, Eternal life he guarantees us, And that's good enough for me. Of Lord Shardik you must beware; To please him you must swear; 'Cause enraged he's a real Bear, And that's good enough for me. Let us celebrate Jehovah Who created us "ab ova" He'll be on tonight on Nova 'cause he's good enough for me. Let us sing to old Discordia 'Cause it's sure she's never bored ya And if she's good enough for ya Then she's good enough for me. Let us sing to Lord Cthuhlu Don't let Lovecraft try to fool you Or the Elder Gods WILL rule you And that's good enough for me. Let's all listen up to Jesus He says rich folks like old Croesus Will be damned until Hell freezes And that don't sound good to me. Let us do our thing for Eris Goddess of the discord there is Apple's golden, it's not ferrous And that's good enough for me

(well, do YOU want to say it?) Let us sing for Brujaria Though the blood's a lot less cleaner It's not Christian Santaria So it's good enough for me We will worship Sun Myung Moon Though we know he is a goon. All our money he'll have soon. And that's good enough for me. We will go down to the temple, Sit on mats woven of hemp(le), Try to set a good exemple [sic], And that's good enough for me. We will all go to Nirvana So be sure to mind your manners Make a left turn at Savannah And we'll see the Promised Land.

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#7 "That Real Old-Time Religion:" Extra Verses There are people into voodoo Africa has raised a hoodoo Just one little doll will do you And it's good enough for me. We all worship Aphrodite, and Her sister bold Astarte, They both throw a pretty good party, And that's just fine with me! Let us praise the Holy Fool For he's breaking all the rules Holds you up to ridicule, And that's good enough for me! There's one thing that I do know Zeus' favorite is Juno She's the best at doing..you know! And that's good enough for me! Tho J.C.'s into fish, too, He's an avatar of Vishnu So he is welcome here, too, And that's good enough for me! All the Gods tore into Loki Saying Deicide is hokey! And they threw him in the pokey! And that's good enough for me! If you wanna worship Odin You don't have to have a coat on Grab a sword and slap some woad on And that's good enough for me! I don't really go for Shinto It's just something I'm not into Tho I guess I could begin to 'Cause it's good enough for me! Well it's good enough for H***** He's a mighty kinky master When you pray he goes much faster And that's good enough for me! Let And The But us dance with Dionysus get drunk on wine and spices Christians call them "vices" they're good enough for me! There are followers of Conan. And you'll never hear 'em groaning Followed Crom up to his throne(in) And it's good enough for me Now watch out for the Maya's, They might really try to fry ya, Sacrifice people not papaya's, Just as long as its not me! Don't neglect that shrine of Zeus' Tho he's lost his vital juices The old boy still has his uses And he's good enough for me! No one wrote a verse for Buddah Tho I think they really coulda And I really think they shoulda 'Cause he's good enough for me! Anytime that I start hearin' "Jesus loves you" I start leerin' Maybe so, but not like Brian Which is good enough for me! If you're really into dancing And you wanna try some trancing Then the Voodoo gods are prancing And that's good enough for me! Good old Thor's the god of thunder Really helps us get our plunder Tho his head's still truly dunder He is good enough for me! And for those who follow Cthulhu We have really got a lulu: Drop a bomb on Honolulu! 'Cause that's good enough for you! Let's all drink to Dionysus Wine and women beyond prices! He made a Maenad out of my Sis! And that's good enough for me! The late return of the Prophet Zarquon Caused his followers to hearken As the Universe went dark on All of you and me! We'll invoke the blessed Camber And the Unicorn of Amber And the wizard Deliamber They're good enough for me!

Let us note the might of Ils With a thousand or more quills By the light that from him spills He is good enough for me!

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#8 "That Real Old-Time Religion:" Extra Verses When we worship Bacchus The ethanol will sock us We'll all get good and raucous And that's good enough for me! When you worship Rusto Treat your friends with lust-o Pursue youyr faith with gusto! And that's good enough for me! They revered ancient ENIAC And sacrificed to UNIVAC Now we sing our chants on VAX pack And that's good enough for me! It was good enough for It was good enough for His wings look kind of But that's good enough Cupid Cupid stupid for me! We will venerate old Bacchus Drinking beer and eating tacos Til you've tried it please don't knock us 'Cause it's good enough for me! Warriors for Allah Are sure to have a gala Time in old Valhalla And that's good enough for me! In the halls of Frey and Freyja All the priestesses will lay ya If you're good enough, they'll pay ya! And that's good enough for me! Let us worship sweet Eninni Let us worship sweet Eninni In a skimpy string bikini And that's good enough for me! Well Dimuzi's He'll be back There will be There will be on vacation when spring awakens such recreaction enough for me!

In Pwyll's hall you will be welcome But he's not at home too often Spends all his time in Annwyfn And that's good enough for me! In his dancing Pan will lead them When his pipes call we will heed them In truth tho, he don't need them He's more than enough for me! We will venerate old Hermes With his staff entwined with wormies Warding off the nasty germies And that's good enough for me! I pray to Ahura-Mazda He's one god who sure won't pause ta Pound some heads when given cause ta Which is good enough for me! We will all do praise to Horus In an old Egyptian chorus If there's something in it for us Then it's good enough for me! As the goddess Kali dances With her worshippers in trances You can learn some Hindu stances And that's good enough for me! It was good enough for Venus She'd have sighed if she'd of seen us Letting morals come between us And she's good enough for me!

Pan's pipes got plugged last summer And it really was a bummer Finally had to call a plumber! But he's good enough for me! We will worship now with vigor The goddess known as Frigga Tho there are some who don't dig her She is good enough for me! Let us all now worship Ra And take care of our Ka We'll all sit round and go "Ah-h-h!" Which is good enough for me!

Here's an invitation for us All to go and worship Horus Doff your clothes and join the chorus And that's good enough for me! Oh the ancient goddess Nerthus From herself the Earth did birth us And I wonder: are we worth us? But she's good enough for me! We will sing our staves to Venus We will sing our staves to Venus Tho I think this rhyme is henious But it's good enough for me!

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#9 "That Real Old-Time Religion:" Extra Verses Let us call an Elemental For a temporary rental Just as long as it is gentle It is good enough for me! We will all bow down to Gozer Priestess did it with that Joser Cross the streams, and there she goes, sir! And that's good enough for me! In matters Dianetic You need not get frenetic Make your Engrams copacetic And that's good enough for me! And to help things get real racous The priests of Pan and Bacchus Will hold a f***ing contest! And that's all right with me! If you get too tired And you need to get up higher Just have Pele light your fire! From her island in the sea! Drink to FUFLUNS he's just fine The Etruscan god of wine This verse doesn't really rhyme But it's good enough for me! You can keep your saints with halos, Your hosannas or dayenus: Let's throw virgins in volcanos! And that's good enough for me! In Japan they thought it neato When they worshipped Hirohito But that didn't sit with SEATO So it never more will be! We will all bow down to Venus As we dance upon Mt Zenos We will worship with our....voice And that's good enough for me! And when old Quetzacoatl Found a virgin he could throttle And put her heart into a bottle It was good enough for me! I'll go get my golden sickle And I'll wear it where it tickles It ain't used for cuttin' pickles! And it's good enough for me! John, Paul, George and Ringo We will worship playing Bingo We will listen to them sing-o And that's good enough for me!

We will worship with Poseidon We will meet him when the tide's in All the maidens he will ride in Then he'll give 'em all to me! All the hunters start convergin' When Diana is emergin' It's too bad she's still a virgin But there's still hope left for me! We will got to worship Lillith Grab your cup, step up and fill it Tho 'ware she don't make you spill it! And that's good eonough for me! Quetzacoatl's flyin' With the Toltec and the Mayan And the mushrooms he's been buyin' Are good enough for me! We will worship Christian Jesus And do just like John Paul pleases That we will... when Hades freezes! And that's good enough for me! Let's go worship Great Cthulhu, And run naked like a Zulu, You and me and Mr. Sulu, And that's good enough for me! I can't rhyme Ahura Mazda, And I'll praise the man who tries ta, Then I'll wait for Barak Raz ta, And that's good enough for me! Oh, the dollar is our Saviour If we spend Her or we save Her She controls all our behaviour There's not enough for me!

There are those who worship science And some would send 'em to the Lions But without 'em we'd have no appliance So they're good enough for me!

In the church of Aphrodite The Priestess wears a see through nightie She's a mighty righteous sightie, And she's good enough for me!

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#10 "That Real Old-Time Religion:" Extra Verses Whether Low Church or it's High Church Or it's Pie-Up-In-The-Sky Church Come on down and visit my Church Cause it's good enough for me! Brother Jerry is a cretin But with all the cash he's gettin' Lotsa folks'll be forgettin It's the "Land of the Free!" Brother Robert's church is Crystal But all the Bible that he's missed'll Make you "hotter than a pistol" But he's good enough for me! Brother Jim and Sister Tammy Had a show that was a whammy But now they are in Miami Tryin' t'get back on TV! I have got a strange religion I will worship Walter Pidgeon Is he sacred? Just a smidgen! But it's good enough for me!

Brother Oral's in his tower, Trusting in the Lord's power Getting richer by the hour, Now he's got the ransom fee! Brother Earnest is a healer And not QUITE a wheeler-dealer -More a jumper and a squealer So he's good enough for me!

Then there's good ol' Brother Billy Bringing souls in willy-nilly. All his trips are kinda silly, But he's good enough for me! We will worship Xipe-Totec Tho it is a little lo-tek * It is not a bit ero-tek (erotic) But it's good enough for me! * "low-tech(nology)

Let us read works of Confucius As we walk thru Massachusetts In white robes that freeze our tushes But it's good enough for me!

We will worship Xochipilli Though it might be a bit silly Running naked makes me chilly But it's good enough for me!

And the Romans said of Jesus "Lets kill him, he don't please us" "But the Atheists will tease us" And thats good enough for me

You could join Jehovah's Witness Running door to door for fitness Well if you've been blessed with quickness, Then thats good enough for me We used to study old Confucius As we sat there on our tushes We're learning but don't push us And thats good enough for me It's the opera written for us We will all join in the chorus It's the opera about Boris Which is Godunov for me! 210 verses * last update: 08/29/91 More verses are always welcome to this collection. Send them to: Joe Bethancourt FIDO Net: 1:114/29 (602) 439-8070 And let's not forget Pelagius Though some call him outrageous He is pious and courageous And he's good enough for me!

PO Box 35190 Phoenix AZ 85069

Internet: Joe.Bethancourt@f29.n114.z1.fidonet.org *

# * IMPERIUM COMPOUND (Tune: "Lily the Pink") Now here's a story, a little bit gory, A little bit happy, a little bit sad. About a drink called Imperium Compound And how the SCA's been had! Chorus: Oh we think, we think, we think, The King is a fink, a fink, a fink, A figure of respectability Rules the Kingdom thru Imperium Compound The results are plain to see! Duke Treegirtsea, was known for his courtesy, And his fighting prowess was well-renowned Took a thimble of Imperium Compound And the poor Duke nearly drowned! Words with Andy, you never should bandy He is strong enough to kill a moose He drinks copious Imperium Compound But he can't take Jungle Juice! Meriwold, he's the bane of a Skald, he Has no attributes of which to sing Polite and formal, incredibly normal, Are you SURE he was the King? Bearengaer(y) he lived solitary, From his presence folks would hide in fear Dipped his blade in Imperium Compound And now we're stuck with him this year! Thaid Mak Tiessown, he taught us a lesson, And his praises now we sing, With the aid of Imperium Compound Any fool can be a King! There was Al Frank, some thought him an old crank But a brilliant troubador and skald, Drank a toast with Imperium Compound Now he's prematurely bald! //and married!// There was Roland, he wrote with a slow hand But in what he writes he does take pride Dipped his quill in Imperium Compound And took Wandor for a ride! //for money!// Azarael, a melodious fellow Sings a song both sweet and terse, After drinking Imperium Compound, He gets verse and verse and verse! Hakan Redbeard, we thought him a bit wierd,

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We thought Vikings all were six foot four, Bathed his beard in Imperium Compound And he shrank right to the floor! //still singing!//

#2 After Hakan, we sing of the KaKhan, And his Horde, which never seems to leave! They just smile at Imperium Compound, I wonder what is up his sleeve? //wheet - thunk!// AltChorus: Oh, we think, we think, we think, The Khan is a fink, a fink, a fink, A figure of incredibility Rules the Horde with Ghengis Compound With results that you can never see! Robert Asprin, pulled many a fast one On the Kingdom and its' Kings, So we all drank Imperium Compound Now we can stand the songs he sings! //oh, yeah?// There was Rolac, some thought him a Polack, But he was a Scot, you see, He took treatments of Imperium Compound, Now he's as wise as you or me! //not likely!// Ol' Duke Siggie, a West Coast biggie, Didn't know enough for his own good! Threw a knife at Yang the Nauseating, And escaped with Brotherhood! Kenneth of Cheviot, I haven't quite rhymed yet, But he has a fair and roving eye, When imbibing Imperium Compound He is never, ever, ever, shy! Mongol Hordemen, those free-living swordsmen Subverting the Kingdoms from underneath! Have no use for Imperium Compound Except perhaps to brush their teeth! AltChorus: Oh we fink, we fink, we fink, The Khan and the Kink, the Kink, the Kink, And the Board, their Great Senilities! The Western Irgun, drinks Imperium Compound And we're BACK, with results you'll see! (13) Laurelin Darksbane, millenial elf-thane, Sought only for love and peace, Took a drink of Imperium Compound Now you'll find him in the trees! Daemon de Folo wants authority, solo, Like a tyrant he would be Stole a drink of Imperium Compound So much for MidRealm Heraldry! Anton Thoth-Ruhkh at drinking was no puke He has never ever reached his peak He was given Imperium Compound And pronounced it was too damn weak!

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#3 Then there's Tjukka - his best friend's a hookah He's smoked substances both strange and rare He tried smoking Imperium Compound Now he breathes water instead of air! Thorbjorn he....needed a remedy For with ladies he took fright Took a drink of Imperium Compound Now he's horny day and night! Rory O'Tomrair an Irishman debonair Of bureaucracy had had his fill Took a swig of Imperium Compound Now he's Kingdom Sene-SHILL! Then there's Duke Andy, who never was handy And at fighting he was only fair Till he tasted Imperium Compound Now he's claws and teeth and hair! Grimdore Hawksbane looked like a Great Dane And the ladies always passed him by So he tried some Imperium Compound Now they follow him and sigh! From Ansteorra came Sir Galem Ostwestly A most noble, chaste, and holy Knight Took a swig of Imperium Compound Now he ***ks and sings all night! Baron Moonwulf had a small problem He thought Rivengut was just too sweet So we gave him Imperium Compound Now he cannot find his feet! Lady Laurel, with Authority Royal, Passes and rejects our heraldry She needs a swig of Imperium Compound Then perhaps she'd deign to talk to me! Kevin Perigrynne, we hoped that he'd win, When he made Duke William's helmet ring Though a mere Knight, he showed his great might Now he's our curly-headed King! AltChorus: Oh we think, we think, we think, The King is a fink, a fink, a fink, A figure of delectability! Combs his hair with Imperium Compound The results are plain to see! Said Kevin Perigrynne, I've really got to win My fighting poem is three years old today Rubbed his pinions with Imperium Compound And brought an old grey wolf to bay! Kevin Perigrynne, they told him "You'll never win!"

You're just a falcon with a broken wing Rubbed his elbow with Imperium Compound Even a cripple can be King!

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#4 Said Princess Pattty, "We're going batty, But the Kingdom must come first, I've heard... We'll run our lives with Imperium Compound And give the Western Crown the bird! Lady Trude thought it her duty To turn a social wrong into a Right Proved her point with Imperium Compound And showed that Cheshire Cats can fight!

//and scratch//

Mary of Uffington said "Fighting's a lot of fun, But I've found a bigger thrill!" Earned a Clubbe with Imperium Compound Because it's lots more fun to kill! Siegfried the Urbane disguises a sharp brain Beneath a mop of flashy golden hair He rakes and he boozes, but it's Compound he uses When he runs out of savoir faire!

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The Board of Directors styled themselves The Electors And another con they tried to swing Now the BoD drinks Imperium Compound So we no longer need a King! (7) AltChorus: Oh the Bod, the BoD, the BoD, It thinks it is God, is God, is God, The figure of Supreme Authority! And if we O.D.'d on Imperium Compund there'd be no need for Royalty! Jon deCles rules, as if we were all fools And won't ever try to change his ways Once the Horde drinks Imperium Compound Then the Board will be deClesse!

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AltChorus: Oh the Board, the Board, the Board, It isn't the Horde, the Horde, the Horde And in its' difference lies its' fall from grace Even the Dukes found they had to use Compound Just to keep it in its' place! (9) Princess Kelley, was always so smelly Everyone around her had to wince Rinsed her diapers in Imperium Compound And we've been smiling ever since! Duke Henrik was a Dane, we all thought he was sane And a foolish thing he'd never try He mixed his sake with Imperium Compound Now he's a Danish Samurai! //ah! so!// Oh, MEDIEVAL Net, we thought it was all wet With witty remarks, and other kinds of sass We'll feed our computers on Imperium Compound And BYTE the BoD right on its' righteous ass!

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#5 Kaththea verKaysc, was so very nice-ic For the King and Queen made Crepes Suzettes Into her recipe went Imperium Compound And she became a Baroness!

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Duke Sir Brion, with his pretty white suit on, Is a model of goodness and purity Never touches Imperium Compound (spoken:) And I'll sell ya seashore property in Yuma, too! KaKhan Yang the...great imbiber of Tully, Said there was no drink that he feared So he tried some Imperium Compound And completely disappeared! Good old Duncan was often drunken Chasing all the ladies fair He bathed himself in Imperium Compound Now he has a little savoir faire! Christopher Houghton and his father dotin' Both undefeated sought the Kingship But Christopher bathed in Imperium Compound While William only took a dip! Ioseph of Locksley, never changes his socks, he Runs around looking like a Cavalier, He stocked up on Imperium Compound And he has enough to last for years and years!

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AltChorus: Oh they forgot, forgot, forgot The Locks-e-ly Plot, the Plot, the Plot! And it works the best when it is underground! It isn't a hassle for a green-and-white tassle They're the ones that BREW Imperium Compound! (13) Seneshal Keridwen, a leader of good men, Sought to give away her job She was poisoned with Imperium Compound Now when we think of her, we sob! Duchess Deshive, had it her own way, Ruled Caid, and as a Queen, did well! But they gave out Imperium Compound, And a toga party blew it all to hell! Trelon of the Wood, he was very good, he Was a leader that had never been beat before; But Caid had Imperium Compound, And Imperial Roman Caid won the War! //with help!// Criostan MacAmhlaidh don't like creepy-crawlies And she very seldom sees the light of day, But she drank some Imperium Compound, And now she "pets de cat" in several ways! //meow!// In Tyr Ysgithr, it's regularly whispered there

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That the Kingdom is ruled over by a King // What's THAT? // They're "democratic" and quite erratic.... They've forgot the purpose of the whole damn thing! (17)

#6 There was a Viking, he once was my King, His name is Asbjorn, he's the one. Does his hair with Imperium Compound-Is it true blondes have more fun? Good old Ardjukk, he never got any nookie, He was always standing 'round behind the door But then he tasted Imperium Compound He's Afraid-Of-His-Cats, but he's got pussy galore! Finvarr de Taahe, he needed a remedy For the falcons nesting in his hair; So he sprayed them with Imperium Compound Now petrified falcons roost up there! King Sir Mark von, with his pretty white suit on, Rules the Kingdom both with Grace and Purity! He never touches Imperium Compound At least not where anyone else can see! Good King Christian, we never could question So it happened at October Crown: He led the Kingdom out into the water And his tooth was never found. King Sebastian, he was a bastion Of Carolingian civility, So when he drank Imperium Compound He danced across the sea. When Maragon ascended the Eastern Throne He found he need not do a thing He never heard of Imperium Compound For only BoD can make a King! Imperium Compound was a recipe found By Bruce of Cloves, the first to rule the East It was so long ago, he had sabre-tooth tygers At his Coronation feast! Alpin MacGregor looked so regal In the purple robes of an Eastern King Then he tasted Imperium Compound And he chucked the whole damn thing! Duke Akbar, the bloodthirsty Moghul, By al-Q'uran is forbidden wine, So he drinks up Imperium Compound As a change from drinks sanguine! When Count Murad was the Crown Prince He was known far and wide as Akbar's lad; He drank to excess of Imperium Compound And then was known as Akbar's dad! Rakkurai, the yarmulke'd Sam-rye Swore he'd never need a drink,

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When he was offered Imperium Compound Just to prove the King's a fink! //OY! vas he!//

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#7 Cariadoc drinks Imperium Compound Just before the start of every bout No need to ask him why he does it When Duke Nijinsky starts to leap about! Count Jehan, it's true, is a loup-garou And it's sad to say he got that way When he drank too much Imperium Compound And at the moon began to bay! // Arooooooo! // It's said of Duke Angus, he likes to drink kumiss In fact he'll drink most anything, But he'll never touch Imperium Compound For only BUD is fit for Kings! Alaric thinks Imperium Compound As a party drink is only fair But it's great to polish armour Or to wash down Gummi-Bears! Now Laeghaere of tde Strong Hand He comes from Ireland And was, accordingly, weaned on Uisquebaugh But when he sips Imperium Compound You'll hear an Irish Wolfhound's howl //Aroooooo!// Don Fernando drinks tequila By the jugful...never gets him high Takes a sip of Imperium Compound and OLE! The Spanish Fly! Fredrick of Holland came from the Westland And in the East by him great deeds were done He'd worked up a thirst for Imperium Compound For he'd been fighting since DAY ONE! // No Kidding! // Gyrth Oldcastle wanted no hassle Just a drink that's tried and true So Melisande makes his Imperium Compound From an ancient Fambly brew! Bertrand de Flammepoing, he really must be awFully sure of his invulnerability He cried thru a bowl full of Imperium Compound "Let's try assassinating me!" Setanta Rex, he, became King X, he Got killed off sometime in the spring So Aidan drank his Imperium Compound "The King is dead! Long live the...Queen?" Vissevald he's the friend of the skald, he's A patron of the Minstrelsy; And when he's had his Imperium Compound He breaks the glasses with his high "C"! There wasn't any like Gavin Kilkenny

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Known as crafty, keen, in battle tough! Then Tamera fed him Imperium Compound And proved the King's a booff!

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#8 Michael of Bedford mounted throne-ward And the peasants all in peace did sleep For he pledged in Imperium Compound To guard the virtue of their sheep! Siegfried von Halstern, when it was his turn, To lead the Pennsic forces on parade Promised to turn down Imperium Compound Unless it's mixed with GatorAde! Let us drink to King AElfwine, one who With Queen Arastorm did travel far! Gotatwice`the milage with Imperium Compound In the gas tank of their car! Hasdrubal downed Imperium Compound And put the archer's noses out of joint He thought we had too many Orders So the Pheon lost its' point! Sedalia and Viktor took the sceptre And there happened a peculiar thing: They both drank so much Imperium Compound You couldn't tell which one was King! Morghun Sheridan had a Crown to win Which he did for one and all to see; He washed his dishes in Imperium Compound And put the Kingdom on KP! Ronald Wilmot says he is still not Sure that his good luck he can believe: He flew due East on Imperium Compound And landed in the strawberry leaves! The Fates were perusing; a King they were choosing Of the safe and sane and saintly sort Then they tippled Imperium Compound, And now Sebastian's holding Court! Bruce of Cloves was King of the Eastland But his reign it must have been a bore: Just what he did with Imperium Compound No one remembers anymore! When Laeghaere O'Laverty has the depravity To entertain a Lady in her bower, He takes a sip of Imperium Compound, Ere demonstrating Tyrone's power! Fernando drank Imperium Compound But he doesn't do it any more; Not since he saw a Quetzacoatl Above his chamber door! // a-singing....! // Fredrick of Holland drank Imperium Compound But he didn't think it awfully neat,

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Made a face and muttered lowly: "This stuff is too damn sweet!"

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#9 When Setanta ascended the Eastern Throne He was nothing special to behold; Until he drank some Imperium Compound: Now he's a Playgirl centerfold! When Setanta was the Crown Prince He wore garments of a sombre hue Then he tasted Imperium Compound And now he's berry, berry blue! Imperium Compound is a manly brew As many a puissant Countess will assert! It makes you wonder about King Vissevald The King who wears a skirt! Vissevald is King of the Drinks Imperium Compound He likes it so much he's We now wear daggers into Eastland by the quart never noticed Court!

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Vissevald and his Lady Mara Danced "La Volta" through the night; He drank too deep of Imperium Compound, And she's now a satellite! Gavin Kilkenny asked "Is there anyOne who would dispute my rightful Throne? I'll take a double Imperium Compound, For it seems I have a clone!" AElfwine the Saxon, whose family's flaxen Whose courtesy is all the Northland's pride; Mixes his mead now with Imperium Compound Often a bridesmaid, now a bride! Siegfried, thrice King, showed us a new thing When fighting for the Eastern Crown: He took a swig of Imperium Compound And proved you CAN win from one-down! Richard of Mont Roy-al, the Short he Is very fast and very hard to kill; As tall as Frodo, or his dog, Odo, But he kisses Froggies with a will! Duke Sir Deaton, was never beaten On the field, or in the drinking hall; At the Catbox War with Caid, Left thirty bodies piled against the wall! Denis O'Titans was good at smitin' A Locksley Monster in every single way! Drank a little Imperium Compound And ATE Deaton's sword that day // No! REALLY! // Wotan the Mongoloid, a little bit paranoid, But a nice guy none the less;

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Drank a mess of Imperium Compound Now he's Justin du Roc, I confess!

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#10 Then there's Duke Reynard, with a face like a St. Bernard Of the Dukes, he is the homliest He tends to toke up on Imperium Compound And go out and whomp on anybody's best! Oh, Ebenezer, thought he was Julius Caesar So they put him in the Funny Home. Then they gave him Imperium Compound, Now he's Emperor of Rome. AltChorus: Oh let's drink a drink, a drink, a drink, To Lily the Pink, the Pink, the Pink, The savior of the human ra-aa-ace. She invented Imperium Compound, Most effacatious in evr'y case. There was Horic, We thought he was sick, As a War-Puppy he was insane, Gave up Tranya for Imperium Compound, Now we have an Acid Reign! //Oh wow, man!// This song'll bedevil the folks at a revel, And most of the time it will annoy the King, So take a drink of Imperium Compound And let's go Royalty-bedeviling! Duchess Anna is quite a fan-a Going on a wartime shopping spree! \\ War Point!\\ Took a drink of Imperium Compound And shopped so fast we couldn't see! \\ Z-o-o-o-om!\\ Lyn of Whitewolfe, made of the right stuff, Twice the Queen of Atenveldt; Took a drink of Imperium Compound And the Kingdom of Caid before her knelt! Duke Sir Brion, and Duke Sir Trelon, Won the Crown with regularity; Drank a lot of Imperium Compound, And founded a dynasty! Stephan von Geist, was most awful nice, And a chivalrous fighter without any doubt Took a swig of Imperium Compound And won the Crown his first time out! All the Crusadenes were big, but not mean, And the finest fighters in the town. But they all drank Jerusalem Compound, Winning Crown after Crown after Crown! Good Duke Arthur couldn't get no farth-er A Norman King in Aten Land Drank too much of Imperium Compound And went off to conquer Engel-land! Then King Richard, a bit of a bitch, heard

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A King's Crown could be done. Drank a little Imperium Compound And became the Aten King, first one!

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#11 There was Astra, no one ever asked her And she was for having fun! Then she sampled Imperium Compound, And today she is a nun \\ not better!\\ There's good old Igor, his prowess is meager For he never learned to water-ski! But instead he drinks Imperium Compound Then he howls and climbs a tree! \\Hoo Hah!\\ Then there's Dagan, his brother's the Ka-Khan, Which is quite funny in a King! If he gets hooked on Imperium Compound There'll be new songs to sing! \\ Oh, really?\\ Fredrick of Holland, who dwells in the Northland, A Master from the West, he came! Spends all his money for Imperium Compound That's why his garb's always the same! Now Gyrth Oldcastle, round as a beer barrel, Once chose to quarrel with a certain Bard; The poet served him with Imperium Compound, And left him rendered down to lard! Many tales abound of Imperium Compound And its' strange effects on Royalty, But after an hour, this song has no power, And by now, it's boring ME! Duchess Malinda, who doesn't do windas But she does a lot of Duchess Things, But give her a LOT of Imperium Compound, And she sings and sings and sings and sings and sings! AltChorus: Oh it's too long, too long, too long To sing the whole song, the song, the song Longer than a Royal Court, it is! But sing it serial, this ditty Imperial And you'll be a bardic whiz!

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CREDITS: (1): Yang the Nauseating (2): Azarael the Soul Separator (3): Hael of the Broken Mask (4): Richard of Alsace (5): Ioseph of Locksley (6): Rima of Rockridge (7): Siegfried v. Hofflichkeit (8): Karina of the Far West (9): Linda-Muireall v. Katzenbrasse & Elspeth O'Byrne (10): Esmerelda (11): Kevin Perigrynne (12): Aelswith (13): Ardjukk Afraid-of-His-Cats (14): Barak Raz, or was it Orm? (15): Iulstan Sigewealding (16): Megan ni Laine (17): Raphael Blackriser (18): Steffan ap Cennydd (19): HOPSFA Hymnal (3rd Ed.) (20): Unknown SCA songbook Where no credit is given: Author/source unknown. Send any verses you have that are NOT in here to: Ioseph of Locksley c/o PO Box 35190 This is one of several files comprising the Black Book of Song of Ioseph of Locksley.

Phoenix AZ 85069 USA Collect them all! --------------------------------------

# * IMPERIUM COMPOUND (Atenveldt Verses)

Now here's a story, a little bit gory, A little bit happy, a little bit sad. About a drink called Imperium Compound And how the SCA's been had! Chorus: Oh we think, we think, we think, The King is a fink, a fink, a fink, A figure of respectability Rules the Kingdom thru Imperium Compound The results are plain to see! Mongol Hordemen, those free-living swordsmen Subverting the Kingdoms from underneath! Have no use for Imperium Compound Except perhaps to brush their teeth! AltChorus: Oh we fink, we fink, we fink, The Khan and the Kink, the Kink, the Kink, And the Board, their Great Senilities! The Western Irgun, drinks Imperium Compound And we're BACK, with results you'll see! Lady Laurel, with Authority Royal, Passes and rejects our heraldry She needs a swig of Imperium Compound Then perhaps she'd deign to talk to me! Lady Trude thought it her duty To turn a social wrong into a Right Proved her point with Imperium Compound And showed that Cheshire Cats can fight!

//and scratch//

The Board of Directors styled themselves The Electors And another con they tried to swing Now the BoD drinks Imperium Compound So we no longer need a King! AltChorus: Oh the Bod, the BoD, the BoD, It thinks it is God, is God, is God, The figure of Supreme Authority! And if we O.D.'d on Imperium Compund there'd be no need for Royalty! Oh, MEDIEVAL Net, we thought it was all wet With witty remarks, and other kinds of sass We'll feed our computers on Imperium Compound And BYTE the BoD right on its' righteous ass! Good old Duncan was often drunken Chasing all the ladies fair He bathed himself in Imperium Compound Now he has a little savoir faire!

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ATEN IMPERIUM (cont.) Ioseph of Locksley, never changes his socks, he Runs around looking like a Cavalier, He stocked up on Imperium Compound And he has enough to last for years and years! AltChorus: Oh they forgot, forgot, forgot The Locks-e-ly Plot, the Plot, the Plot! And it works the best when it is underground! It isn't a hassle for a green-and-white tassle They're the ones that BREW Imperium Compound! Trelon of the Wood, he was very good, he Was a leader that had never been beat before; But Caid had Imperium Compound, And Imperial Roman Caid won the War! //with help!// In Tyr Ysgithr, it's regularly whispered there That the Kingdom is ruled over by a King // What's THAT? // They're "democratic" and quite erratic.... They've forgot the purpose of the whole damn thing! King Sir Mark von, with his pretty white suit on, Rules the Kingdom both with Grace and Purity! He never touches Imperium Compound At least not where anyone else can see! Duke Sir Deaton, was never beaten On the field, or in the drinking hall; At the Catbox War with Caid, Left thirty bodies piled against the wall! Denis O'Titans was good at smitin' A Locksley Monster in every single way! Drank a little Imperium Compound And ATE Deaton's sword that day // No! REALLY! // Wotan the Mongoloid, a little bit paranoid, But a nice guy none the less; Drank a mess of Imperium Compound Now he's Justin du Roc, I confess! Then there's Duke Reynard, with a face like a St. Bernard Of the Dukes, he is the homliest He tends to toke up on Imperium Compound And go out and whomp on anybody's best! This song'll bedevil the folks at a revel, And most of the time it will annoy the King, So take a drink of Imperium Compound And let's go Royalty-bedeviling! Duchess Anna is quite a fan-a Going on a wartime shopping spree! \\ War Point!\\ Took a drink of Imperium Compound And shopped so fast we couldn't see! \\ Z-o-o-o-om!\\

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ATEN IMPERIUM (Cont.) Lyn of Whitewolfe, made of the right stuff, Twice the Queen of Atenveldt; Took a drink of Imperium Compound And the Kingdom of Caid before her knelt! Duke Sir Brion, and Duke Sir Trelon, Won the Crown with regularity; Drank a lot of Imperium Compound, And founded a dynasty! Stephan von Geist, was most awful nice, And a chivalrous fighter without any doubt Took a swig of Imperium Compound And won the Crown his first time out! All the Crusadenes were big, but not mean, And the finest fighters in the town. But they all drank Jerusalem Compound, Winning Crown after Crown after Crown! Good Duke Arthur couldn't get no farth-er A Norman King in Aten Land Drank too much of Imperium Compound And went off to conquer Engel-land! Then King Richard, a bit of a bitch, heard A King's Crown could be done. Drank a little Imperium Compound And became the Aten King, first one! Duchess Malinda, who doesn't do windas, But she does a lot of Duchess Things, But give her a LOT of Imperium Compound, And she sings and sings and sings and sings and sings! Duke Sir Brion, with his pretty white suit on, Is a model of goodness and purity Never touches Imperium Compound (spoken:) And I'll sell ya seashore property in Yuma, too! Optional last verse: Many tales abound of Imperium Compound And its' strange effects on Royalty, But after an hour, this song has no power, And by now, it's boring ME! AltChorus: Oh it's too long, too long, too long To sing the whole song, the song, the song Longer than a Royal Court, it is! But sing it serial, this ditty Imperial And you'll be a bardic whiz! Send any verses you have that are NOT in here to: Ioseph of Locksley

c/o PO Box 35190 Phoenix AZ 85069 USA

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