If you’re feeling generous, send us some money: The Mineshaft; P.O.

Box 1575; Rolla, MO 65402-1575

The MineShaft
Where the real news is buried April 25, 2007 Vol. 1 Issue 16

In This Issue
Why You Should be W(h)ite UMR Student Killed by Drunk Driver 3 Excellence Campaign: Calling All Donors Business Etiquette 4 Fragile Peace Threatened 5 Block Party 6 “My Humps” Lyrical Analysis 7 Nine Inch Nails – Year Zero 9 Off and Running 10 UMR Students Win IEEE Student Ethics Competition 1

Why You Should Be W(h)ite
One of the side effects of living in a quaint little town like Rolla, Missouri is that important issues can sometimes seem less relevant. One issue that is often glossed over here at UMR is that of domestic violence and sexual assault. Due to certain events that have occurred throughout the year, most noticeably the publicized issues that happened in the Quad, the issue is being brought to the forefront. This past Monday a group of

Nathaniel d’Artagnan

students will be volunteering to take a stand against these issues. For a 24 hour period of time the volunteers will not communicate with other people in any way. This means that they will not talk, write notes, sign, or even text message their friends. In addition to this obvious sacrifice, you will likely take notice of these individuals because of the dress they will be wearing for the day that they choose to participate. These people
Continued on Page 2

A Note from Sybil
Currently we are planning for the coming semester and will be opening our ranks to those interested in contributing in an official capacity to The Mineshaft. In other news, we are currently in the pipeline to become a Recognized Student Organization (RSO). Our constitution is currently under review and we hope to be given RSO status before the beginning of next semester. We are hoping that this will not only allow us to become more open as an organization but that it will also help us collaborate more with other student organizations. As always, we welcome any comments or suggestions for our publication or our writers. Please send your feedback in to our email account along with any submissions you may have. Have a great week and please enjoy our second to last issue of the semester.

UMR Student Killed by Drunk Driver
Saturday at approximately 8:30 pm, a tragedy occurred in which one of our own UMR students and Thomas Jefferson Hall residents, 19-year-old Heidi Strodtman, was killed in a traffic collision with a drunk driver, Don Thompson. Heidi was traveling northbound on Hwy. 63 when a 2001 Dodge, heading southbound and driven under the influence of alcohol, drove directly towards her in her lane and collided with her 1995 Pontiac head-on. The Page 1

Miles Netockny

impact hit another car, but fortunately left minimal damage and the driver able to drive away from the scene. The two vehicles involved in the head-on collision were completely totaled and towed away from the incident. Don Thompson was seriously injured and rushed to University Hospital in Columbia, MO. Heidi was pronounced dead by a Boone County Medical Examiner at 8:30 pm that night.
Continued on Page 2

Heidi Continued from Page 1
Monday, a free hug day was celebrated in her honor, as well as to provide hugs for those who need it in their time of loss and grief. Monday evening, a vigil occurred on the grassy knoll in front of TJ, composed of prayer, silence, tears, and great memories that were shared as her friends and people in her life held candles and gathered . Visitation was yesterday from 2-

8pm, the rosary was at 4pm and 7pm at the Summerville Funeral Home. Heidi’s funeral is this morning at 10:30am at St. Joseph Catholic Church in Salisbury, followed by her burial in the St. Joseph cemetery. Later this week, 7pm on Thursday, the Newman Center, in conjunction with Thomas Jefferson Hall will be having another memorial service at TJ Hall’s South Lounge for those who cannot attend the funeral or visitation. Heidi was known for the joy

she spread everywhere she went, whether it was through a warm hug, a smile that could brighten up a room, a shout-out in the hallway or across campus, or a funny moment that sticks in our memories. She was great at brightening peoples’ days and helping people to open up, even if they were having a bad day. She enjoyed life and loved spreading that joy to all around her and making huge impacts through small gestures. One thing is for certain: she will truly be missed here at UMR.

Continued from Page 1

will be easily noticed by the fact that they will be wearing white gloves, white long-sleeve t-shirts, and white face paint. These volunteers will also be handing out white ribbons and bookmarks that explain what they are doing and show their support for the fight against domestic violence and sexual assault. This portion of program will continue all week but there will also be specific events that will occur throughout the week. Yesterday marked the beginning of such events with Sergeant Letha Young teaching “Basic Safety” in the Havener Center. On Wednesday the campus will be asked to participate in a silent hour walk across the campus in support of the program. Thursday night will continue with a gathering at the Student Health center at 7 P.M. and then progress to the Havener Center. In addition to all of these events, Sergeant Young will also be presenting a program on Saturday called “Rape Aggression Defense” which takes place from 10 A.M. till 6 P.M. While this final program will

cost participants $25 it will allow for the women who participate to learn important real world techniques for women to defend themselves. The goal of these events is to bring the importance of domestic violence and sexual assault to the forefront of the UMR community’s mind. This is an issue that does not simply affect women and as such is needed to be supported by members of both genders. When asked about the program Lauren Huchingson, the Student Body President, said, “…that since the intrinsic composition of the UMR campus is predominantly male, it is important for the UMR community, specifically the female population, to see an obvious participation and commitment in ‘Wite Out’ week from our male colleagues and counterparts.” With this issue becoming a concern this year on our campus I hope that you all will take time out of your week to pay attention to this important program. Any effort to raise awareness for sexual assault and domestic violence is something that needs to be supported wholeheartedly by our community Page 2

countdown thecountdownthecountdownth

W(h)ite Out

2082 days until the end of the world (Mayan Calendar) 325 daze till the 100th Best Ever 72 days until The Tour de France 36 days until The World Series of Poker 23 days until The Science Olympiad 14 days until last day of finals 7 days until our next issue

POLITICS
Excellence Campaign: Calling All Donors
Every university needs to get funding to continue to operate at the levels needed to produce quality graduates. Here at UMR we need to produce quality graduates that can compete in exceptionally competitive work fields. Thanks to the wisdom of the great state of Missouri, it appears that we are going to need to continue to fund the bulk of our education with funds from other people. Thankfully, there are ways to raise money that do not simply involve raising the tuition and fees of the students. On April 19th, last Thursday, the University of Missouri - Rolla publicly launched the Advancing Excellence Campaign. While this campaign was only just announced, it has been gathering momentum since July 1st 2003. During this portion of the fundraising, the Campaign Leadership Team has managed to garner almost 57% of the donations that are required to complete the goal of 200 million dollars. The campaign is currently being led by a team of extremely talented former UMR students and our chancellor. This National Campaign Chair is our very own Gary Forsee, a graduate from the Civil Engineering Department from 1972. Mr. Forsee is currently serving not only as the National Campaign Chair but also as the President and CEO of Sprint/ Nextel. Mr. Forsee is someone who is more than willing to give back and serve the University. In reference to the campaign he says, “If we are to continue our tradition of excellence, we must invest in the future of this university. I can imagine no better investment than providing a worldclass education to some of the most driven and disciplined students in the nation.” The goals of this campaign revolve around four main areas of donations. The first, Prepare Students for a New World ($43 million), focuses on the ideals of providing students with a top education along with providing a managerial and entrepreneurial edge in the global community. The second quadrant of the campaign, Enhance UMR’s Core Strengths ($59 million), focuses on increasing the quality of the programs that make UMR famous and putting key leaders into those departments/projects.
Nathaniel d’Artagnan

The third portion, Enable Emerging Technologies ($28 million), focuses mainly on the idea of increasing and capitalizing on the new discipline of bioinformatics and become a leader in that area. The final piece of the puzzle, Increase Private Grants ($70 million), is pretty self explanatory. So you might be asking yourself, “Why should this make me actually want to donate to this campaign?” While I can’t tell you why this is a better time than any other to donate, Chancellor Carney had this to say: “The success of this $200 million campaign will ensure that this remarkable institution maintains its edge as one of the world’s great technological universities.” Maybe combining this with the other massive changes here on campus (read: Missouri S&T and a research park), we will actually be able to start working on the lofty goal of becoming one of the top 5 research universities in the United States. If nothing else, $200 million dollars can’t hurt. So go donate some money; I know I would if I wasn’t a broke college student.

Business Etiquette
As we approach the time of year when college students are preparing for summer jobs, there are some intricacies of the business world that not even the COC will prepare you for. Business Card Dance: When two business professionals from different companies meet for the

Sophia Kant

first time, there is an awkward ten second exchange. This exchange involves both parties groping around in portfolios for business cards while attempting to shake hands and accept and store the other person’s business card without shoving it in a pocket next to five ink pens and a used tissue. Page 3

Mid-morning coffee break: According to federal law, companies are required to provide you with a half hour break after four hours of work. What these laws do not take into account is the half hour break that is an implicit part of the daily routine. Around 9:15, all of the engineers will migrate to the nearest cafeteria or coffee pot and shuffle
Continued on Page 5

GLOBAL
Fragile Peace Threatened
Hamas militants called Sunday for a fresh wave of attacks against Israel after troops killed nine Palestinians in weekend fighting, straining a five-month-old ceasefire. In response to the bloodshed, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas’ more moderate Fatah movement urged him to consider breaking off contacts with the Israeli government, despite his pledge to the U.S. to hold regular meetings with Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. Hamas and Fatah are partners in a coalition government. Among the nine Palestinians killed in the weekend upsurge of violence were two gunmen and a 17-year-old who died Sunday in the West Bank. The fighting also included a Palestinian rocket attack that damaged a home on the southern Israeli town of Sderot. Israeli officials defended the killings as part of operations that have drastically reduced the number of attacks against Israelis. Palestinian officials, however, said that the deaths jeopardized their efforts to expand the Gaza truce to the West Bank. Hamas, which has killed scores of Israelis in suicide bombings, sought to rally other Palestinian militant groups in a new offensive that would shatter the truce in the Gaza Strip. Fatah also called for measures against Israel. “The Arab and the Palestinian leadership should evaluate the contacts with Mr. Olmert’s government and reconsider
Arrian Syrus Source: Associated Press

these contacts and meetings,” Fatah spokesman Abu Hakim Alwad said at a news conference. “Israel is sabotaging the efforts made by the president to maintain calm and to strengthen the cease-fire.” Earlier, an army task force raided the militant stronghold of Nablus, killing two Palestinian gunmen, including Amin Lubadi, a top bombmaker who had been wanted by Israel for more than three years. The army said an Israeli soldier was lightly wounded in the battle. In unrelated violence late Sunday, four Palestinians were killed in Gaza, two in a gunfight among family members and two others in apparently random shootings by criminals, security officials said. Also, shadowy Islamic groups sent warnings to cigarette dealers to destroy their wares and to barbers to close their shops. Internal violence has plagued Gaza for most of the time since Israel pulled out in 2005. Some has pitted Hamas and Fatah forces against each other, while other incidents involve family disputes or crime. After weeks of relative quiet, the latest surge in violence began on Saturday, when five people were killed during Israeli arrest raids in the northern West Bank. Palestinian officials said one of the dead was a 17-year-old girl shot by troops as she stood at the window of her home. The army said its soldiers had returned fire from a gunman in a window, but said the incident was being investigated. In the Gaza Strip on Saturday, Page 4

Palestinians fired a rocket at the Israeli town of Sderot, hitting a house but causing no injuries. The army subsequently attacked a car it said was carrying the attackers, killing a 37-year-old man. Palestinian officials said he was a civilian. The Gaza truce has largely held, though militants have frequently fired rockets into Israel and have attacked Israeli patrols along the border fence. Mr. Olmert’s government has warned it will not tolerate continued rocket fire. Israel is still in control of the West Bank and, unlike Gaza, that territory is dotted with Jewish settlements, making a cease-fire there a different issue. Israel has been reluctant to agree to a West Bank truce, concerned that militant groups would take advantage of it to hit settlers and prepare attacks in Israel. Israel sealed the West Bank and Gaza Strip early Sunday ahead of the country’s Memorial Day for fallen soldiers, restricting the movement of Palestinians into Israel.

Subscribe or Contribute
TheNewMineshaft@gmail.com The Mineshaft P.O. Box 1575 Rolla, MO 65402-1575.

ENTERTAINMENT
Block Party
Miles Netockny

Fun, games, and music filled the Havener lawn Saturday during the annual Block Party celebration, which began at 2pm and lasted until almost midnight. The fun-filled afternoon began with several inflatable games, including an obstacle course, giant slide, sumo wrestling, boxing, and Velcro wall with accompanying Velcro suit, to entertain both UMR students and Rolla citizens. Meanwhile many booths from other organizations were set up closeby. The physics department raised money by making liquid nitrogen ice cream and root beer while selling physics department shirts. The anime club hosted DDR competitions. The Society of Women Engineers (SWE) gave away homemade cookies while

collecting donations to benefit their organization. Also, a caricature-artist drew many fun faces for those who were interested. Last, but certainly not least, a dunking tank was set up to dunk many campus leaders from RHA, SUB, StuCo, and others,

charging students $1 per 3 throws to put their skills to the test. A karaoke van was stationed nearby to let Rollians try out their singing skills with “Rolla Idol” and entertain many others with background music. Chartwell’s hosted a delicious barbeque which included hamburgers, salad, green beans, pinto beans, tortellini, chips, and brownies. Next, two bands took stage and provided evening entertainment. Pauline’s Basement began the evening around 7:00 with some jazzy indie-rock and were followed by Building Rome around 8:00, who played some Weezer-inspired poppunk. The evening closed with a bang with the start of fireworks, echoing across the entire town of Rolla, and ending with a showing of Saw III outside Havener.

Continued from Page 3

Etiquette

around for half an hour afterwards, clutching tiny styrofoam cups like the orphans in Oliver Twist. Friday’s grace period: Unless you have an employer who is a real stickler for punctuation, everyone will leave your office by 4pm on Friday. If you are unlucky enough to have one of the ‘stickler’ bosses, expect to take a long lunch on Friday as a way to get back at The Man. Microwave law: If you have a lunch that needs to be microwaved for more than three minutes, it is your duty to arrive at the microwave by 11:30 and complete your microwave time outside of peak hours. Violating this unspoken rule is grounds for

shunning at the mid-morning coffee break. If you are microwaving something odorous, like garlic pasta or fish, you are required to wait until 12:30 and stand around apologetically as everyone in the office glares at you for introducing a rancid smell to the microwave. Email: Email has not revolutionized business communications. On the contrary, all that email does is make it easier for you to waste time by sending messages to the person sitting next to you, while allowing the guy down the hall to ignore you more efficiently. Also, engineers can’t spell. The Mass Exodus: When the boss leaves, all of your coworkers will leave within the hour. It is important Page 5

that you wait for these coworkers to leave (give them enough time to clear the parking lot before you follow) at least three times per week. Cubicle Decorating: For some reason, it’s weird to comment on anyone’s family photos. Talk about the frame if you must, but never mention the family unless you have met them in person, or unless they have mentioned them first. Also, everyone will have one of those cubicle mirrors to see behind them, so you will never catch them playing Minesweeper. Violating these principles of etiquette will earn you the label ‘Not a Team Player’, which is secret business code for ‘Jerk who called the boss’s mom a nasty name.’

ENTERTAINMENT
“My Humps” Lyrical Analysis
If you’re anyone who’s anyone, you’ve heard the song “My Humps” lately. It’s still played on the radio, at clubs, and at any evvent where music is featured. Let’s face it: it’s one of the most culturally important songs to ever hit American listeners’ ears, playing a desperately harrowing story of the American dream gone wrong. It’s a testament to the subtle genius of the song that, a year and a half after it was released, it is still being played so frequently. To the superficial listeners, this song will hold no importance; all that they will hear is overly repeated nonsense and sexually suggestive nothingness. However, to those willing to dig a little deeper, they will find a lyrical jewel of a song. For your benefit I will go through the song’s lyrics and reveal the underlying beauty of the metaphors contained within. What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk? I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk Get you love drunk off my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out) In the opening to the song, will. i.am inquires as to what will happen to all of Fergie’s “junk.” What, at first, seems like a silly thing to ask becomes more sensible when you replace “junk” and “trunk” with “problems” and “life,” respectively. will.i.am is simply asking Fergie what she is going to do about all the problems that are plaguing her
Milford Cubicle

life, which apparently are about to overflow. Fergie then responds, implying that she wants “a man” (in this case, will.i.am) to help her deal with all of her problems. There is the OBVIOUS metaphor of her “hump” (struggle), which she claims will make her man feel sorry enough for her, or “love drunk,” to help. I drive these brothers crazy I do it on the daily, They treat me really nicely They buy me all these ices. Dolce & Gabbana Fendi and NaDonna Karan, they be sharin’ A ll their money got me wearin’ fly Brother I ain’t askin They say they love my ass ‘n, Seven Jeans, True Religion’s I say no, but they keep givin’ So I keep on takin’ And no I ain’t taken We can keep on datin’ I keep on demonstrating.

on givin’”), so she keeps on taking the money that is being thrown at her. This is still not enough, though, and she starts selling her body for money, as shown by the lyrics about her not being taken, saying she can “keep on datin’” (clearly a self-deprecatory ironic reference), and her need to “keep on demonstrating.” After mentioning “her humps” some more in reference to the numerous struggles that keep popping up, Fergie claims “My humps they got you.” She is saying here that the trap she has sprung is complete, and the men that initially just wanted to help her and treat her nicely are now stuck into giving her money, as evidenced by the next round of lyrics about “Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.” What you gon’ do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans? I’m a make, make, make, make you scream Make you scream, make you scream. will.i.am in this verse is more direct about his questioning, quite possibly because Fergie’s problems have escalated into near-tragic proportions. However, without losing a beat, Fergie responds by claiming that she will make him “scream,” a metaphor implying that she will be dragging will.i.am down with her and shifting some of her problems onto him.

Fergie than refers to all of the men in her life that she has duped into helping her. Obviously with the severe struggles in her life she doesn’t really have any Dolce&Gabbana or Donna Karan, but simply uses these designers to show that the problems in her life even extend to the struggle of making enough money to buy clothes. Thus, these “brothers” that are “treating her really nicely” are I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff good Samaritans helping her get Milky, milky cocoa through life. However, the good will of others is not enough for Fergie and Above is the most important she has to resort to being a stripper line of the next verse, which will. Continued on Page 7 (“they love my ass” and “they keep Page 6

ENTERTAINMENT
Humps Continued from Page 6
i.am declares. This may be the most obscure metaphor in the song. If you’ve ever had cocoa puff cereal with milk, you know that the cereal changes the color of the milk. This is consistent with the rest of the song, in which Fergie changes a simple man who wants to help a woman out into a sex-addicted wreck who is trapped in the position he’s in. They say I’m really sexy The boys they wanna sex me. They always standing next to me Always dancing next to me, Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump Lookin’ at my lump, lump. You can look but you can’t touch it If you touch it I’ma start some drama, You don’t want no drama No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama So don’t pull on my hand boy You ain’t my man, boy, I’m just tryn’a dance boy And move my hump. In the last significant section of the song, Fergie has made the startling transition from a problemriddled woman seeking help into a destructive person who takes joy in ruining the lives of the men she comes across. She starts by boasting about her prostituting methods before analogizing that there are numerous men now who wish to receive her services. In the third line, she claims that they are all trying to help her with her problems, yet she says this with the attitude that she doesn’t want their help anymore; at this point, her focus is no longer on her problems but on dragging the men she meets down. Fergie then claims she doesn’t want any “drama,” which alludes to her not wanting the men she meets to dig too far into her personal life; if this happens, it will be harder to “play” them and then cut them off. This shows that Fergie still has human emotions within her and may even feel regret that her life has come to this. In the last line, Fergie has regained focus on her problems but still wants to remain distant, which she feels is the best way to take advantage of the men she meets, which in turn is the best way for her to solve her problems (“move her hump”). Thus the song ends on a tragic note, with no real conclusion except to see where Fergie’s downward spiral has landed. Ok, seriously? I just wasted nearly two pages of paper on an incredibly far-fetched metaphorical analysis of what is, quite possibly, the WORST SONG EVER MADE. My gastro-intestinal tract emits more pleasant sounds than this song on a daily basis, but you don’t see me winning any Grammy’s with my “Flatulent Stomach-Pain Opus”! I’m going to buy the CD this song came from (Monkey Business), break it in half, stab myself repeatedly in the face with the shards, and while I’m writhing around in agony, compose a better song than “My Humps” just to prove that Fergie is a no-talent assclown and The Black Eyed Peas are a scourge to the state of music. If you find yourself liking this song, just perform the lobotomy yourself; it won’t matter if you screw it up since society won’t find any use for you anyways.

Nine Inch Nails – Year Zero
Nine Inch Nails mastermind Trent Reznor has always been the type to carefully craft his albums. The Downward Spiral, widely considered Reznor’s masterpiece, contained unfathomable layers of sound underneath it’s conceptual center of someone who commits suicide after becoming numb to the world. Five years later in 1999, Reznor released the double album The Fragile which, for all its musical

Milford Cubicle

complexity, failed to live up to the lyrical depth of The Downward Spiral. In 2005, after overcoming substance abuse problems, Reznor released With Teeth. Featuring a stripped down sound, it was the most “typical” and poppy rock album that Reznor had released, yet many felt it was a mediocre offering. With Year Zero, Trent Reznor has returned to form in both musical and conceptual content. Utilizing Page 7

an underground viral marketing campaign to promote the album, Reznor has created an alternate future world in connection with the concept of Year Zero, which describes a dystopian, Orwellian United States. Themes in the album include racism, totalitarianism, blind obedience, global warming, global war, religious fundamentalism, and George W. Bush, among other things. With a scope this large, it should come as no surprise that this
Continued on Page 8

EDITORIALS
NIN Continued from Page 7
is merely album #1 in a two-part series. Reznor handles these themes in an even-handed way though, assuming different viewpoints (as a soldier in “The Good Soldier” and as a right-wing bigot in “Capital G,” for example) depending on the song. Musically, Year Zero is just as layered as The Downward Spiral, if not more so. Crunchy beats swirl in and out of the chaos, drums pound away like hammers of the gods, and guitars strike like chainsaws with minds of their own while underneath all of this are Reznor’s usual electronic tricks. Of course, the typical NIN vocal staple of quiet whisper-to-scream dynamics are on display. Reznor has created a unique contrast with this album in that it is one of the catchiest and most poppy things he’s ever done (which is saying a lot considering his talented ear for the catchy), but at the same time it is the noisiest album he’s made since Broken and will certainly drive some people away because of it. “The Beginning of the End” is quite possibly the poppiest song Reznor has ever made, and it opens the album after the martial drum and guitar intro of “Hyperpower!” “Survivalism,” the first single from the album, is next. With its synthy beeps and boops and catchy hooks, it’s sure to be a single that doesn’t get old soon. “My Violent Heart” finds him speaking over a soft intro and then exploding into rage in the choruses. “The Warning” features a prominent bass riff that grooves along while electronic beats punch holes in the aural soundscape as Trent talks about The Presence, another entity that plays into this alternate future. “The Greater Good” is a pseudoinstrumental that continues the sinister tone of the album, with the song rife with atonal piano notes and released, offering Trent’s newfound vocal ability, scratchy electronics, big drum beats, and (unexpectedly from Trent) optimism. Of course, it’s not long-lived, as the album closed with “Zero-Sum,” leaving a question as to what will come on the next album that continues this story. I haven’t quoted any lyrics in the review, because I don’t want to ruin any parts of the story, but I highly encourage you to seek them out. With Year Zero, Trent Reznor and NIN have crafted an excellent, noisy, catchy album. Anyone that was worried that he has lost his touch only need to listen to this record to find out just how wrong they are. This album is HEAVY, but not in a traditional metal type of way. With its precisely calculated rhythms and layers, eschewing of traditional rock to incorporate electronic and hip-hop influences, and masterfully planned concept, this is a record that will be at the top of many lists at the end of the year. If you’re interested in this album, you can either check out the tracks I suggest below, or you can do what my REAL suggestion is and just listen to the whole album. Rating: 9/10 Check Out: The Beginning of the End, Capital G, The Great Destroyer, In This Twilight

eerie keyboard sounds along with the heavy background fuzz. “The Great Destroyer” features Reznor at his most melodic and hitting higher notes than ever before until, halfway through, the song explodes into what sounds like an insane computer going homicidal. “Another Version of the Truth” is a feedback-laden instrumental with only a desolate piano coming through the static until the feedback suddenly stops and the piano offers an aural glimmer of hope. “In This Twilight” is perhaps one of the most beautiful tracks NIN has

Subscribe or Contribute
TheNewMineshaft@gmail.com The Mineshaft P.O. Box 1575 Rolla, MO 65402-1575.

Page 8

SPORTS
Off and Running
This week was the beginning of the NBA Playoffs. The NBA’s marketplace in the arena of sports seems to get bigger and bigger each year, which comes from the simplicity of the game; all you need is a basket and a plain leather ball. The NBA, of course, takes it to a whole new level of superstars, million dollar players, and million dollar arenas. The NBA Playoffs take it to another extreme, where only the best of the best make it. This year’s playoffs seem to have again taken them to new heights, with exuberantly great new players like LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony. To fans of the NBA, the thought of these up-andcoming players going against the old-school players like Shaq and Tim Duncan holds great entertainment value. The match-ups in the NBA start off with the 1-in-8 seat with The Pistons versus The Magic. The Pistons hope to regain past glory this year as Chauncey Billups and Richard Hamilton try to make another push in the post-season. Their first opponent has a new life, carried by their new all-star Dwight Howard. Look for The Pistons to win the series as they have already won game one. If The Magic is looking to go anywhere, Howard is going to have to put them on his back and carry them there. The next series in the East is the Cleveland Cavaliers
Maurice

and the Washington Wizards. The Wizard, without Gilbert Arenas, will play Cleveland and its stars LeBron James and Larry Hughes. The 3-6 match up in the East is the Toronto Raptors and the New Jersey Nets. Toronto this year is somewhat of a surprise as the three seat; this is due to Chris Bosh, who seems to amaze everyone with his play. However, taking into account the Nets winning game one and New Jersey’s star power of Jason Kidd and Vince Carter, in addition to Toronto’s lack

of experience in the post-season, it’s hard to see Toronto going anywhere. The last series in the East is the Miami Heat and the Chicago Bulls. This looks to be the most exciting series in the round with the aging Heat and the newly revived Bulls. Chicago took game one with the help of Luol Deng and Ben Gordon, but look for Dwyane Wade, Shaq, and the rest of the defending champions to have a say in the rest of the series. In the western conference we have the 1-8 seat as the Dallas Mavericks versus the Golden State Page 9

Warriors. The Warriors have taken game one behind the play of Barron Davis, but look for the Mavericks to prevail, as they are the one seat and Dirk Nowitzki is coming off an amazing regular season. The 27 series throws the Phoenix Suns against the Los Angles Lakers. This series could go to anyone, but the Suns already have a leg up due to winning game one. Look for Steve Nash to be his amazing self and Kobe Bryant to be just as amazing if not more so. The 3-6 series in the West pins the San Antonio Spurs versus the Denver Nuggets. This is an exciting series for any NBA fan as it puts Tim Duncan and Tony Parker against Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson. Look for great excitement and entertainment out of this, as the Spurs are expected to win, but not without a fight from Anthony and Iverson. The 4-5 series in the West puts the Utah Jazz against the Houston Rockets. The Rockets have won game one and look to win the series behind their star players Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming. The Jazz, with their mix of star players, don’t seem to have enough experience to take them very far, but look for them to give the Rockets a run for their money. The NBA’s fame has been growing over the years and will come to a new height with this year’s playoffs since each series has a great match-up of players and any team could win it.

UMR Students Win IEEE Student Ethics Competition
The UMR team of Tyler Sheeley, junior in electrical engineering, and Zachary Johnson, sophomore in electrical engineering, placed first in the 2007 IEEE Student Ethics Competition. The April 21st competition was held at the 2007 Region 5 Annual Conference of the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE). The conference was in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Five student teams participated from Region 5 which includes universities in Arkansas, Colorado, Kansas, Louisiana, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, and parts of the surrounding

Dr. Watkins

states. The competition was sponsored by the IEEE Ethics and Member Conduct Committee. The students must prepare and present an analysis of a scenario in professional ethics. Dr. Steve E. Watkins, Professor in ECE, coordinated the competition.

Student Leadership Banquet Award Winners - Congratuations! Remarkable Student Group Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity Most Improved Organization India Association Group Community Service Award Zeta Tau Alpha Individual Community Service Award Tara Banaszek Most Spirited Missouri Miner Rachel Prewitt Outstanding Student Advocate Dr. Anne Cotterill Extraordinary Faculty/Staff Award Dr. Douglas Carroll Diversity Recognition Award Jonathan Brace Keystone Award Diana Meyers Student Council member of the year Charles Robinson Student Council rookie of the year Michael Carter Extraordinary Student Leadership Award Lauren Huchingson

The Credits...
Nathaniel d’Artagnan (Alex Dempsey) Milford Cubicle (Ben Williams) Sybil (Michael Orlando) Sophia Kant Miles Netockny (Kate Oliver) Maurice Arrian Syrus Horace Horsecollar Drake Drache Briony Thorne Luke Merchant Lauren Rich Dr. Watkins Editor-in-Chief Editor-in-Chief Layout Editor Staff Writer Staff Writer / Secretary Staff Writer Staff Writer Staff Writer Staff Writer Staff Writer Staff Writer Staff Writer Guest Writer Page 10 NathanieldArtagnan@gmail.com sir.cubicle@gmail.com TheNewMineshaft@gmail.com sophiakant@gmail.com milesnetockny@gmail.com Mauricesports@gmail.com arrian.syrus@gmail.com horatius.horsecollar@gmail.com drakedrache@gmail.com briony.thorne@gmail.com TheNewMineshaft@gmail.com TheHungryCoed@gmail.com

FUN STUFF
Paste PHD Comic here. www.phdcomics.com

Math Square
Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction.

+ x -46 -31 x -

x x + 12

-2

8 -8

Page 11

(Evil) Sudoku (Easy)