Bible Jumpers By Jon Morgan

Draft #3

2008 Jon Morgan

morganian2002@yahoo.com

Cast of Characters Regina: William: Stephanie: Eve: Adam (V.O.): Little Angel: Noah: Noah’s Wife: Goliath: David: Guard #1: Guard #2: Devil: Disciple: Soldier: Kayla Morgan

ACT I 1 Scene 1:Regina’s Desk As the play opens, two angels dressed in white robes enter through the doorway at stage right. One is carrying a toolkit and the other is carrying a laptop bag. One is named WILLIAM and the other is named STEVE. STEPHANIE and WILLIAM stop at a desk occupied by another angel named REGINA. Regina is talking on the telephone and doesn’t pay attention to the two computer technicians. REGINA (Into the phone) So, I told Peter that he needs to keep a better watch on who he lets into-William steps closer to the desk. WILLIAM Ahem! Regina stops talking on the telephone for a second, looks up, then resumes. REGINA --Oh, I know! I couldn’t believe it either-WILLIAM (With more gusto) Ahem! STEPHANIE (Very slowly with drama) Excuse me...! REGINA (Into the phone) Well, Sharice, I gotta let you go...I’ll talk to you later. (Hangs up the phone; Looks up) Can I help you? WILLIAM This is Stephenie (Motions to Stephanie), and I’m William. We were sent here from Heaven Computer Support to take a look at the computer in the Big Man’s office. REGINA You’re here to do what?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

STEPHANIE We’re here to fix God’s computer. REGINA (Suddenly Understanding) Ooohh..You’re from HCS? Why didn’t you just say so? William and Stephanie shrug and roll their eyes, then head to the back of the stage towards GOD’S OFFICE. REGINA (Quickly) Hold on, Guys. . .you aren’t allowed in God’s office WILLIAM Well, why not? REGINA Nobody’s allowed into the office without supervision. That’s the rule. Regina points to a sign hung above her desk which states: "Rule #1: Nobody is allowed into God’s Office without supervision" WILLIAM What’s rule number two? REGINA Rule number two? WILLIAM Well, sure! If there’s a number one, there’s always a number two. Otherwise, what’d you need a number one for--Ooff! (Steve pokes William in the ribs) STEPHANIE Listen, if it were up to me, I would turn around and head right back to our office, sit down, and have a nice cup of coffee. WILLIAM And donuts! STEPHANIE Donuts? Someone brought in donuts? WILLIAM Yeah! with the creme in the middle--

(CONTINUED)

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3.

WILLIAM (Refocussing) But, getting back to the issue at hand, its really not up to us. We were dispatched on a ultra-urgent Priority One case. STEPHANIE That’s the highest priority that there can be! WILLIAM . . . So important that they nearly declared a Code Red! STEVE Real important! It has to be a code purple at the VERY LEAST! REGINA (Doubtful) You were sent over on a priority one issue? WILLIAM Yes, Ma’am! I’ve got the ticket right here. Pulls out an interoffice envelope and hands it to her. She opens it and looks at the ticket. REGINA Looks like an Archangel called this in... (Addressing the technicians) Alright! I’ll let you in, but you’ve got to promise me something. WILLIAM Anything! STEPHANIE Just Name it! REGINA You need to remember not to touch anything while you’re in God’s office, except for his computer. WILLIAM No problem. We’ll fix his computer and ignore anything else that’s in there. STEPHANIE We’ll be in and out before you know it, we promise. William nods in agreement

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

REGINA Okay, go on in. The two technicians exit stage left towards the organ. The lights go down. 2 Scene 2: God’s Office God’s office is the largest standing set on stage. It is towards the back of the altar and consists of one or two cubicle walls. Inside the office there is an executive-sized desk, a chair, and various other furniture. A computer sits on the desk along with a cup full of pens and pencils. There are also trays on the desk marked "in" and "out." One key part of this set is the TIME MACHINE PORTAL. This is actually the doorway just behind the piano which is to STAGE RIGHT of the action. The door will be closed until the TIME MACHINE PORTAL is activated. Another important of scenery is a portrait of Jesus which is referred to during the dialogue, and whimsical signs such as "I Bless This Mess." The lights turn on to signal the start of the next scene. STEPHANIE and WILLIAM enter from stage left and head directly for the office. WILLIAM (Entering the office) Wow! Check it out! (taps Steve on the shoulder) Aren’t you impressed? STEPHANIE I dunno . . . just looks like an office to me. WILLIAM Just an office? But this isn’t just anybody’s office! You’re inside God’s office!! STEPHANIE Well, sure. . .I guess I always pictured his office being.....bigger. William circles around tho office as he speaks

(CONTINUED)

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5.

WILLIAM Just think! (Points to the desk) That’s where God sat when he talked to Noah! (Points to the picture of Jesus) That picture’s been on his wall since his son came back. Whenever God needed a plan, he sat in this office. STEPHANIE It does seem pretty awesome when you put it that way. (Beat) But, we better to work on that computer. We don’t want Regina to think that we’re breaking our promise. WILLIAM Okay. (Quickly taps on the keyboard). Uh, oh . . . I see the problem right here. STEPHANIE What? (steps behind the office to look at the computer) WILLIAM This computer is out of date. STEPHANIE No kidding! What’s it running? WILLIAM Microsoft Windows BC. We can’t update the operating system until we give it some more memory. (Turns towards STAGE LEFT) I’ll run out and pick up what we need. (Hesitates) Remember..don’t touch anything! Stephanie shrugs. William exits stage left STEPHANIE sits down at God’s desk. She looks over her shoulder, then picks up the phone receiver. STEPHANIE (In a deep falsetto voice) Hello, God Speaking. (Pause)Please, slow down Ma’am. You’re getting married on Thursday and hope it doesn’t rain during the ceremony? (Leans back and places her feet on the desk) Well, I could arrange that. I am God, after all. Heh, heh, heh. (pause) You don’t have to worry at all. STEPHANIE BEGINS TO SPIN AROUND IN THE CHAIR. AS SHE DOES, SHE ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKS OVER THE CUP OF PENS AND PENCILS THAT IS SITTING ON THE DESK.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

STEPHANIE Oh, no-Stephanie crouches down to pick up up the spilled pens and pencils. The lights flicker off as we hear the sound of TIME TRAVEL. The TIME PORTAL opens up to reveal an intense light. STEPHANIE stands up in reaction to the light. She drops the cup of pens/pencils in surprise. STEVE Whoa-She backs up in fright. There is a new sound of TIME TRAVEL as two figures emerge from the portal. Both collapse on the floor, but the first figure stands up almost immediately. The figures will be revealed to be WILLIAM from an alternate reality and EVE. WILLIAM is wearing a deep red jumpsuit. EVE wears a two-piece swimsuit. The lights come back on as the portal closes and the sound effects end. STEPHANIE William! What were you doing in there? You were supposed to be getting gear for the computer . . . WILLIAM (Stands up) Stephanie, forget about the computer! Something horrible just happened to all of the major events in the bible! STEPHANIE What are you talking about? WILLIAM This might be difficult for you to understand, but I’m not the William you think you know. (pause) I am from a different reality where Noah never built the ark, and the Last Supper was canceled due to a shortage of bread. I caught someone in the act of changing the events of the bible, but lost their trail somewhere in the past. I came here because I need your help. EVE groans as she slowly stands up.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

7.

STEPHANIE But . . . there’s no such thing as alternative realities or time travel. WILLIAM (To EVE) Eve, tell her what happened. EVE Adam and I were strolling through the garden when all of the sudden the ground began to shake, and we heard a loud growling sound (on the verge of tears) . . suddenly, we were attacked by a giant lizard which stood upright and towered over the tallest trees. Adam and I ran as fast as we could, but it snatched him up with its foul teeth and..and..(cuts himself off). I would have been next if William hadn’t saved me. STEPHANIE So..are saying that Adam was eaten by a . . . dinosaur . . . in the middle of the Garden of Eden? WILLIAM (sadly) I saw it with my own two eyes. STEPHANIE Good Gracious! WILLIAM I’m afraid there’s nothing good about it.(Lifts up time machine remote controller) I stole this from the Devil himself. He’s the one who has been tampering with history just so he’ll have more power in the future. STEPHANIE But how did the dinosaurs end up in the Garden of Eden? WILLIAM That’s what we’re going to find out. (Lifts up the controller, begins punching in commands) We need to go back to the moment of creation itself and stop the Devil. (He aims the remote at the TIME PORTAL with purpose) There is the sound of TIME TRAVEL. The portal opens up as the lights dim, and there is an intense beam of light. William, Eve, and Stephanie step off stage through the portal. The door closes, and the stage grows doark. The TIME TRAVEL sounds end.

8.

ACT II 3 Scene 1: God’s Office The lights go up. God’s office has changed. In place of the computer on the desk there is a giant globe on some kind of stand. Next to the globe there are some jars with labels such as "ZEBRAS," and "Lions," etc. An angel dressed in a robe, wings, and a halo enters the stage. She reaches for a jar on the shelf, then approaches the globe on the table. The jar is labeled "dinosaurs" in big, bold letters. She begins to unscrew the lid just as the three time travelers enter the sanctuary from the REAR. STEPHANIE (From the back of the Church) Wait! Stop! Stephanie, Eve, and William race down the aisle towards God’s Office. ANGEL hesitates with the jar tipped above the globe. WILLIAM (Out of breath) You really shouldn’t do that! ANGEL Why not? The maker said there was room on the Earth for all of his creations. STEVE If you release dinosaurs into the wild, you’ll be endangering Earth’s delicate balance. ANGEL (Putting the jar down) I don’t understand. EVE (excited) Please, little girl . . . Adam and I will both be dino food unless you put that jar back down! (Lifts up a bunch of leafs that have been strung together)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

WILLIAM That’s all that’s left of Adam? STEVE (Stooping low) Where did you get the idea of dumping dinosaurs onto Earth? ANGEL A man told me ... he said that Father had forgotten to add them. . . STEVE That man wasn’t your friend. He was lying to you. WILLIAM Next time, double-check with an adult before you follow the advice of a complete stranger ANGEL (cross) An adult? I’m nearly 200 years old! WILLIAM (taken aback)) Well . . . someone who’s older than you, then! ADAM(V.O.) Eve..!! Where did you go? EVE Adam! (To William and Stephanie) It’s time for me to go back! Thank you for saving me! WILLIAM You’re welcome. William presses a button on the controller. The portal activates, and EVE passes through the portal. STEPHANIE It’ll be good to get back to the way things were. WILLIAM You’re telling me! Stephanie and William turn to leave ANGEL (Grabs a hammer off of the table) Wait! That stranger gave this to me! I think he stole it from someone. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

Stephanie accepts the hammer and examines it. STEPHANIE I’ve only seen tools like this in museums, but this hammer looks brand-new. WILLIAM Steve . . . I know where I’ve seen that hammer before! It belonged to Noah. He won’t be able to build the ark without it . . . STEPHANIE Oh no. . . does this mean we can’t go back home? WILLIAM I’m afraid so. (Begins to punch buttons on the CONTROLLER) We need to return it. William and Steve exit through the time portal. Fade Out. 4 Scene 2: Noah’s Workshop The biggest set piece in Noah’s workshop is the keel of the Ark. There could be a workbench nearby with a variety of tools on top of it. NOAH is frantically searching his workshop from top to bottom for something. There is the sound of the time machine. WILLIAM and STEPHANIE enter from the SANCTUARY RIGHT ENTRANCE. They stop and stand in front of the altar just down from the piano. STEPHANIE I hope we’re not too late! WILLIAM (Glances at the remote) The controller says that we are at the right time. A Woman approaches them from STAGE LEFT. NOAH’S WIFE (Desperate) My husband has gone insane! You must help me! STEPHANIE Whoa..Slow down! What’s the problem?

(CONTINUED)

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11.

NOAH’S WIFE One moment Noah was fine, and then the next thing I know he’s obsessing about building an ark. STEPHANIE Did you say your husband’s name is Noah? NOAH’S WIFE That’s right! Now he’s carrying on and on about finding his hammer and finishing the ark before the rains start. WILLIAM (Holds up the hammer) Actually, I think we can help. The three walk up onto stage where noah is looking for the hammer. NOAH’S WIFE Noah! These men say that they can help! NOAH (Glances at the two men) You’re of no help to me unless you know where I can find another hammer forged by God himself! William holds up hammer. WILLIAM Actually..we do. NOAH Thank the maker! Now I can carry on with my work! I am in your debt! STEPHANIE Well, we’re grateful for the work you’re doing. NOAH (Scans workbench) Let me give you something as a token of my gratitude (Picks up slingshot) Ah! Here it is. STEPHANIE (Accepts slingshot) A slingshot? That’s a strange tool. NOAH No..I haven’t had it for very long. A strange fellow stopped by my workshop this afternoon, and insisted on giving this to me. Now that I think of it, that was just before my hammer disappeared!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.

WILLIAM (To Steve) Do you realize what this could be? STEPHANIE Another relic from bible history . . . NOAH He was very persuasive. Claimed that the slingshot was so powerful, it could be nicknamed "the Giantkiller." WILLIAM I think I know where this came from. STEPHANIE Where? Or, better yet..when? WILLIAM I’ll explain on the way..but we’ve got to hurry! William and Stephanie step down from the altar and exit SANCTUARY RIGHT. There is the sound of the time machine and a bright flash. NOAH (calling out) Thanks again for your help! FADE TO BLACK 5 SCENE 3: Battlefield GOLIATH enters from STAGE RIGHT carrying a sword. He steps down from the altar. A soldier enters from SANCTUARY REAR and intercepts GOLIATH in the aisle. They begin to do battle. SOUNDS OF CLANKING SWORDS. There is the sound of TIME TRAVEL and then STEPHANIE and WILLIAM enter the sanctuary from STAGE RIGHT. They remain on the altar as they watch the fight, but stoop low as if to hide from the soldiers. The sword fight continues but GOLIATH and the soldier should stay close to the altar. STEPHANIE (Whispering) That big guy must be Goliath, but I don’t think that’s David.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

William stands up STEVE Where do you think you’re going? WILLIAM He’s going to kill that man! Somebody needs to stop him! STEPHANIE You can’t do that . . . William lifts up the slingshot and picks up a stone. WILLIAM Watch me. STEPHANIE continues to hold him back, but William breaks free. William approaches the edge of the altar with the slingshot hidden behind his back. STEPHANIE No! It’s not part of God’s plan. If we don’t let things play out the way they should, we’re meddlers just like the Devil! WILLIAM (Out into the sanctuary) Hey! Stink Breath! The soldiers stop fighting. GOLIATH turns and looks up at WILLIAM GOLIATH (snarling) What do you want? WILLIAM Why don’t you pick on someone your own size! GOLIATH (Laughing; points a finger) Certainly you are not suggesting that I fight You! WILLIAM (Tentatively) Well...that was the general idea.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: GOLIATH

14.

(Swings Sword and slices at the soldier; the soldier falls to the ground) I’ve fought a difficult battle today. Perhaps I’ve earned a light snack. STEPHANIE pulls William back. They face each other as they converse. GOLIATH approaches the stage slowly with deliberate steps. SOUNDS OF GIANT FOOTSTEPS. STEPHANIE This isn’t going to work! You’ll get yourself killed! William pulls out the slingshot as Goliath approaches. WILLIAM Not when I have . . . my secret weapon! He pulls back and lets fly with the stone, but it just bounces off of Goliath’s armor. WILLIAM Maybe it’s time for Plan B! STEPHANIE What’s that? WILLIAM Run! William drops the slingshot. William and Steve exit STAGE RIGHT. Goliath follows them off stage as he shouts: GOLIATH (Chasing after them) Come back here Cowards! The lights dim, and there is the SOUNDS OF TIME TRAVEL. A flash of light fills the stage. The lights come up just as DAVIDenters from STAGE LEFT. He stops in front of the slingshot, bends over, and picks it up to examine it. DAVID Hey! I’ve been looking for that! GOLIATH enters the sanctuary from FRONT ENTRANCE. He crosses in front of the altar, then notices DAVID.

(CONTINUED)

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15.

GOLIATH You there! Did two men just run by? DAVID No. GOLIATH They couldn’t have vanished into thin air! (Pause) Say...You look familiar! DAVID I should...I’m the soldier who promised to stop you! (Lifts up slingshot) GOLIATH (laughs) It will take more to stop me than-DAVID Lets fly with the stone. The stone hits Goliath, and the giant falls to the floor. FADE TO BLACK

16.

ACT III 6 Scene 1: Courtyard A shrouded figure enters the stage from STAGE LEFT carrying a loaf of bread. He stops, and then ducks out of sight as WILLIAM and STEPHANIE enter the stage. WILLIAM I still feel bad about running off before we could get the slingshot to David. STEPHANIE Not as bad as you would have if we’d stayed! We’re safe for now, but I can’t say for certain which time period we’ve landed in. The stranger leaps out. WILLIAM Careful! It’s Satan! DEVIL I believe you have something that belongs to me! WILLIAM (Holds up the device) Liar! This never belonged to you! DEVIL Still, I need it back. Give it to me and I’ll not only let you return to the present, but I can fulfill your wildest dreams! WILLIAM Return to a Future that’s under your control? NO deal! DEVIL (To Steve) How about you? STEPHANIE I’m with William WILLIAM All we’re really interested in is the loaf of bread you’re carrying (points). Give that to us, and we’ll give you back the controller. DEVIL (Laughing) You are either very wise or extremely stupid (Pauses; offers bread) But I will make that trade.

(CONTINUED)

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17.

STEPHANIE What are you doing? WILLIAM Trust me! (to the Devil) Here you go. The Devil accepts the controller, and William takes the bread. The Devil exits STAGE RIGHT. STEVE That’s just Great! How are we going to get back Home? A DISCIPLE enters from stage left with two guards. DISCIPLE Arrest Those men! They stole our bread! WILLIAM Wait! We didn’t take the bread! STEVE We got it back from the Devil! GUARD #1 Be silent! The Guard leads William and Steve to a nearby bench where they are chained together. The GUARD exits stage left. The DISCIPLE and GUARD exit Stage Right. WILLIAM (Hushed) STEPHANIE. STEPHANIEignores William WILLIAM (Hushed and more urgent) Steve! STEPHANIE continues to ignore William WILLIAM Listen...I know you think that this is my fault, and I don’t blame you. I don’t like getting arrested any more than you do. The devil wasn’t going to give us back the bread for the last supper unless we had something to give him in return. Obviously he wanted the time controller.

(CONTINUED)

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18.

STEPHANIE Of course he wanted the time controller! It was the only way to get back to our time! WILLIAM No, I don’t think its the only way. STEPHANIE What other way is there? WILLIAM I’m not sure . . .But I have faith that we’ll be taken care of. The GUARD enters from stage right with REGINA dressed in a cloak. GUARD #1 You have a visitor! The cloaked figure pulls down her hood to reveal that she is REGINA. WILLIAM AND STEVE JUMP UP WILLIAM Regina! But, how-REGINA Did I mention that Rule #1 was written for me? STEPHANIE That little girl we stopped in God’s Office was you! REGINA You did me a huge favor that day. . .and now I’m going to return that favor (To the guard) Guard! These men are innocent! They must be set free. GUARD I’m sorry, miss, but they’re thieves! They will answer for their crimes! REGINA Okay, I hate to pull rank, but . . . Regina takes off her cloak to reveal a white dress and angellic wings I’m ordering you on the authority of the Lord. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: The guard bows and then releases WILLIAM and STEPHANIE. (To William and Steve) Let’s go!

19.

REGINA LIFTS UP A CONTROLLER, AND HITS SOME BUTTONS. THE PORTAL OPENS. AND THEY STEP THROUGH IT. 7 Scene 3: God’s Office There is the sound of the TIME MACHINE once again. REGINA and STEPHANIE exit the portal. The door closes shut. REGINA Did it work? STEPHANIE Everything looks the way it should. (Glances around) Where’s William? WILLIAM (Entering from stage right; William is wearing the outfit from earlier in the play) I’m right here! Hi Regina. (Lifts up a box) Let’s get started on the upgrade! William approaches the computer. Regina takes Steve aside REGINA Steve, you were working a William from a parallel reality where the Devil had succeeded. This William never traveled with you to the past. STEPHANIE (Sadly) Then I’ll never get the chance to thank William for saving our lives. REGINA Just be his friend, Stephanie. I have a feeling that’ll be thanks enough. WILLIAM Steve, stop wasting time talking and help with this install...I was hoping to get back to the office before they ran out of donuts! STEPHANIE Sure thing . . . William and Steve hunch over the computer. Regina exits stage right. The lights dim.

20.

The End