The Waverly Newsletter

Greenwich, CT
Volume XV Spring 1999

Details for the 1999 Waverly Invitational
Here are a few of the details that you need to know for the upcoming Waverly tournament. Spike less shoes are required on all courses (soft spikes). The following are not considered to be proper dress: Swimming attire Gym shorts or tennis shorts Upon arrival the balance due is: Shirts without collars or sleeves Cut off shorts or tank tops Blue jeans or blue jean shorts

$360 to Sea Trail & $55 to the Commish (No post dated third party checks please)

Let Rick know what time you will be arriving on Wednesday. Call Rick on 919-968-2537 or E-mail him at For directions check out the web site at . Please be early for the practice round on Wednesday, Calcutta bidding will take place that evening. Other facilities include a Lighted driving range & putting green, pool, sauna, whirlpool & weight room. Six pack coolers are allowed on course. Plans call for group meals at the villas on two nights. Anybody not driving a long distance please consider bringing a gas grill for barbequing. Two 4-bedroom villas have been reserved and your package includes the tournament fee, accommodations, breakfast, greens fee, golf cart, range balls, and a 1-hour Open Bar reception on Friday, May 7th. If rooms are available they’ll let us check in prior to our practice round - the official check in time is 4:00 p.m. Here is the schedule of our playing times: Round Holes Tee Time Course Practice 18 1:30 Byrd Wed First 27 AM Maples Thur Second 27 AM Byrd Fri The Finale 18 Late AM Oyster Bay Sat (All course information courtesy of

Par 72 72 72 70

Yardage 6,263 6,332 6,263 6,305

Slope 126 125 126 125

Rating 70.3 70.6 70.3 69.7

Record 65 65 65 64

Playing from the Reds
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the links, and Murray was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing is upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker - "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee back up to the men's tee, please!" Murray was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee!" Murray had had enough. He shouted back, "Would the asshole announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut the HELL up and let me play my SECOND shot!"

Newsletter 1

Commissioner Signs New Course for Final Round
Commissioner Hakes is pleased to announce that the final round of the 1999 Waverly Invitational will take place at the Oyster Bay Golf Links in Sunset Beach, NC. Here is the Commissioner’s description of Oyster Bay. Architect Dan Maples got rave reviews for this 1983 creation. Water, in the form of lakes and marshes, comes into play on fifteen holes – most dramatically on the par-3 seventeenth, which is played from a tee to an island green, both of which are built atop a mound of oyster shells. The innovative and much photographed par-4 No. 13 also incorporates the shells into its design. The green, buttressed by the bright white oyster-shell wall, must be attacked over a gaping and unforgiving bunker. Oyster Bay ranks in Golf Digest’s prestigious list of top fifty public courses in America.

Life Is Almost Complete

(Reprinted from the April 1996 Waverly Newsletter by request)

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch break, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, and I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I master computer software in one hour. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single -handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Yankees and Canadians. I am subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, a shrewd investor, and a ruthless bookie. Critics’ worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy golf wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won weekend passes. I have mastered the compound mitre saw and faux-finish painting. Last summer I toured Vermont with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I referee hockey. I run the mile in less than 4 minutes. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish my entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Ireland, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, I have flown jet fighters, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have yet to win the Waverly Invitational. It's that time of year again. Safe travels, have fun, enjoy the moment. Looking forward to it.

What year did Arnold Palmer turn pro? 1950 1952 1954 1956

Newsletter 2

Waverly Portfolio
Recommended Buy Price 04/15/99 IBM Summer 1995 $46 ½ $170 ¾ Lockheed Martin Summer 1995 $29 ¾ $43 5/16 Ingersoll Rand Summer 1997 $41 2/3 $64 1/2 McDonalds Winter 1997 $21 3/4 $44 7/16 Paychex Winter 1997 $19 1/3 $50 15/16 Berkshire Hathaway B Winter 1998 $1860 $2400 Nike Winter 1998 $43 7/8 $59 (All stock prices adjusted for splits. Prices courtesy of Profit 267% 48% 55% 104% 163% 29% 35% Comments Hold Originally Loral Hold Great 2 year results 3 for 2 split announced Hold Hold

News, Notes and Dirt
A few thoughts during a slow day at the office ……. Congratulations to Sammy Goble on the arrival of a baby boyJacob, Patrick English a baby girl - Madeline, and Tom Barnes on having a newborn ……. The Rookie Rule is in effect this year once again – No stinkin rookie can win the coveted Waverly his first year in the tournament ……. Remember, this is an invitational ……. What ever happened to Don Boss ……. Welcome Back to the following Waverly retreads: Tom Barnes, Bill “The Tic k” Carey, Greg Poole and Pat “5-0” Horn ……. Not returning this year are Tim Bardo – his old lady won’t let him, and Jim Cadden – he can’t sleep room with Bardo ……. New Calcutta rules in place for 1999 – 2 horse maximum per farm, $50 maximum bid (draw lots if two or more bidders), buyback is optional for up to 50% ……. If the cart signs say “Hakes Golf” again, heads will roll ……. Flags on the cart are USGA legal ……. Welcome to our Pledges: Glen Davis and Joe Palumbo ……. All this over a $22 plaque.

What We Are Playing For
Here is a breakdown of the Prize and Calcutta money offered this year, as well as Handicaps. Place 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th 8th 9th Last Prize $115 90 75 60 45 35 20 10 5 2 Calcutta 25.00% 20.00% 16.25% 12.50% 10.00% 7.50% 6.25% 2.50% Player Commish Stan Courts Woody Razor Gillette Sammy the Bull Patrick Marty Handicap 19 11 12 21 26 21 26 13 Player Ray the Butcher Rudy Tom Barnes Bill Carey Greg Poole Pat Horn Glen Davis Joe Palumbo Handicap 17 18 9* 13* 14* 22* 28* 10*

*Subject to Change Downward

8 Closest to Pin - $15 each 5 Long Drive - $15 each Overall Low Gross - $20 3 Low 9 Hole Net Score of the Day - $15 each 3 Low 9 Hole Gross Score of the Day - $15 each 2 Team Best Ball (1st Two days only) - $40 ($10 per man) Order of Calcutta Auction - Pledges, Retreads, Vets

Excuses You Should Hear At The Waverly
Took eye off ball ….. Tried to crush it ….. Left the club face open ….. Got psyched out by water ….. Overthought it ….. Underthought it ….. Foot slipped ….. Straight-up choked ….. Hit it off the hozzle ….. Left confidence in the sand trap ….. Got greedy ….. Didn’t bring hips around ….. Swung inside-out ….. Gripped it too tight ….. Jerked head ….. Broke wrists too soon ….. Used too much arm ….. Felt the stares ….. Didn’t bend knees enough ….. Dipped shoulder at contact ….. Didn’t swing through ball ….. Backswing too flat ….. Swung across the ball

They Said It
"Which letter?" The meticulous precise Ben Hogan, when advised during a tournament in Los Ange les to aim for the famous Hollywood sign in the far distance.

Newsletter 3

Augusta The Way It Used To Be
It is nearly hard to absorb, in the hysteria over Jose Marie Olazabal’s $740,000 first-prize haul at the 1999 Masters, that Augusta National was so broke in the 1930s it couldn’t even satisfy course architect Alison Mackenzie’s pleadings for a $500 payment. Even as late as the 1940s, the home of the Masters still had such a case of corporate shorts, it was pressed to come up with proper championship trophies. Steve Pate’s nonchalant reaction to seven birdies in a row, a Masters record, recalls a wry scene from the year following Gene Sarazen’s legended double eagle shot on the 15th hole at Augusta. Recalls Sarazen, now 97 and living on Marco Island, Fla.: “I came back all chesty and asked my caddie what Augusta National had done to commemorate the spot of my famous shot. He said, ‘They sprinkled grass seed over it.’ ”

The Field, The Skinny
Razor Gillette 26 – With this handicap, the early favorite to take it all. Woody 21 – Third time is a charm, rumor has it retirement and golf are getting along well together. Marty 13 – Sneaky short can play to his advantage. He knows Myrtle and Myrtle knows him. Courts 12 – Will he have a tough time returning to his old form with all the recent relocation activity? Rudy 18 – Still King, but will the new sticks & handicap be enough help? Stan 11 – Getting in a lot of winter and spring golf. Definitely a darkhorse. Sam 21 - We will be looking for him to start hitting the woods this year. Ray 17 – If he hits it like he can cook a steak, we're all in trouble. Patrick 26 – Look for a strong showing, he is so due. Tom B 9 – New kid! Should sum things up. Pat Horn 22 – Will be looking to recapture the feeling of yesteryear when plaque hung in his den. Greg 14 – Long ball hitter. If they're in the fairway could be a contender. Bill Carey 13 – Living on a golf course…. If he could putt he'd be a retread favorite. Glen 28 – Start drinking heavily, better chance of having monkeys fly out your butt. Joe 10 – He could win. Yeah and The Commish has great odds on appearing in a video with Pamela Anderson. The Commish 19 - Is the 1999 Waverly Invitational Y2K compliant? New Calcutta duties will have his head spinning too much.

Next edition of The Waverly Newsletter: Summer 1999.
Trivia answer: 1954 was a turning point in Arnold Palmer's life. He began the year as a paint salesman in Cleveland, Ohio, won the 1954 USGA Amateur Championship at The Country Club of Detroit, signed a threeyear endorsement contract with Wilson Sporting Goods (for just under $5000 a year), and eloped with Winnie five days before Christmas. In 1954 pro golf did not have the same stature as it does today. Time magazine described it as "a cross between the knights of King Arthur's circular table and a roaming tribe of Arab nomads."

Newsletter 4