The Waverly Newsletter

Greenwich, CT
Volume XX Winter 2003

Here’s The Plan
Start planting the seed. Lie to your wife, girlfriend, mother, significant other, if need be. Mark your calendar accordingly for Thursday, May 15th through Sunday, May 18th . In cooperation with our commissioner, the honorable Ricky Lee Hakes, the Sea Trail's professional staff will coordinate the 2003 Waverly Invitational tournament on their three signature courses. We’ll play 3 eighteenhole rounds for the 2003 WI Championship and 3 nine-hole rounds for the “War By The Shore” competition. Once again, it’s the perfect tournament format and the perfect set of courses for our next outing.

A Few New Rules
No invitee shall be required to answer questions from spouse or girlfriend, such as why isn’t the garbage out or when are we going out, during the three crucial months leading up to the Waverly. Nor shall said spouse or girlfriend interrupt during this time to get a pickle jar opened or to “mention” a “little, teeny-weeny nothing accident” with the new BMW or lateness of period, knowing full well said invitee is only pretending to listen during such crucial time period, particularly if SportCenter is on. There shall be no such thing as a traffic lane between the TV and an invitee watching sports during the Waverly. Use the off-ramp behind the sofa. In addition chips, dip, and cold beer should be readily available to all invitees, though rising to get said item shall not constitute an offer by said invitee (excluding rookies) to get same for lard-ass brothers-in-law, fellow employees, college buddies, longtime friends, neighbors, clients, or anybody else in close proximity. Coolers full of ice cold beer will not also serve as additional shelf space. They shall remain free of all items so that invitees can retrieve a cold beverage without having to exerting energy to relocate any item cluttering the top of said cooler. In an extreme emergency a cooler may be used as additional seating, so long as whoever occupies said cooler does so with the understanding that they will be required to move in a New York second to serve an invitee. If the Commish deems that somebody is haphazardly using the word “skank”, said individual will be subdued, stripped, wrapped in an Iraqi flag, and dumped off at the nearest Harley bar.

News, Notes and Dirt
A few thoughts during a slow day at the office ……. I would never do crack - I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass ……. I will not eat oysters - I want my food dead - Not sick, not wounded, dead ……. A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul ……. Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss ……. If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter ……. To make a long story short, there's nothing like having a boss walk in. ……. What ever happened to Ralph Macchio? ……. The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows your watch, tells you the time, and then charges you for the privilege ……. Does your wife have a slight impediment in her speech, every now and then she stops to breathe? ……. Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them ……. Children really brighten up a household, they never turn the lights off ……. Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath ……. Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shutup' ……. Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet ……. According to BANKRATE.COM (http://www.bankrate.com/brm/calculators/spending.asp), compared with someone making $30,000 a year, a $275,000 house would seem to Tiger Woods to cost $130.74 ……. Why does the U.S. always leave Greg Norman off its Ryder Cup team? ……. You are way too into golf if you wear a green jacket inside the replica of the Augusta National’s Butler Cabin that you’ve built in your basement ……. It’s a good thing Waverly participants don’t have to endure a criminal background check before an invitation is extended – this would surely halve, or even quarter, the playing field ……. We men are simple beings. We can survive a whole weekend with only four things: golf clubs, beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

Sometimes, You Don’t Have To Come Up With A Joke
Former Miami Dolphin kick returner Fulton Walker Jr., found guilty of selling marijuana out of his home, was sentenced to six months’ home confinement.

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Sometimes, You Don’t Have To Come Up With A Headline

Bob Estes and his friends celebrate winning the Kemper Open

We Get Results
It’s true that the circulation of this Newsletter is limited, but that doesn’t stop us from getting results. In the last issue we reported on how annoying the Dell Computers ad campaign starring "Steven" can be. We don’t see much of him on TV anymore. Coincidence? I think not.

What’s On The Menu?
It’s never too early to start planning, particularly when it comes to the Waverly and food. For our group dinner Ray “The Butcher” Leonardo and his assistant, Mike “Magilla” Hutton are in the preliminary stages of planning the menu. They would like to offer at least two different choices for the main course, and need your help. If you have a deep fryer, and are capable of transporting it to Sea Trails, lobster and deep-fried turkey can be included as menu choices. E-mail Ray (liho1989@aol.com and Mike ) (Mike_Hutton@dell.com if you can help out. )

They Said It
“Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a one-iron, and squinty eyes.” – TV golf analyst David Marr

The Practical Rules Of Golf
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls. If you are afraid a full shot might reach the green while the group ahead are still putting, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing. If it isn't broke, try changing your grip. Golfers who claim they don't cheat also lie.

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7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck. It's surprisingly easy to sink a 50-foot putt when you lie 10. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts. It's not a gimme putt if you're still away. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the large tree. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and bounces just the way you intended to play it. You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the time and a 2-inch branch on a tree 90% of the time. Every t ime a golfer makes a birdie he must subsequently make three triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap. Example, backswing 20 miles per hour, handicap, 15, downswing 300 m.p.h. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which hand is wearing the golf glove. Hazards attract; Fairways repel. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the sand, yours is in the footprint. Don't buy a putter until you have had a chance to throw it. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.

Finally
The first picture appeared in the Buffalo Evening News back on Thursday, July 6th , 1972. It was the first day of the Canadian Open at Cherry Hill in Fort Erie, Ontario. My dad is in the gallery (arrow). After stopping by his office first thing on Thursday morning, he left for “an appointment” taking up the remainder of the day. He spent the day watching Arnold Palmer. After the paper’s evening edition came out Thursday, dad had some explaining to do at work on Friday. Twenty-five years later my father had the opportunity to meet “The King” during the Bob Hope Classic in Palm Desert, CA. This past October my dad passed away after a sudden illness. An army veteran and career civil servant, he was married for almost 50 years and raised seven boys. He found his wealth in family and friends, two important treasures. He loved the game of golf. I miss him.

Next edition of The Waverly Newsletter: April 2003.
We always welcome your comments, contributions, or suggestions. Send to pengl26683@aol.com.

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