INT. CARLSON’S BOOKS – LATE AFTERNOON (2006) DJ, now in his early thirties, wearing a charcoal grey hoodie, black slacks and sneakers, juggles a large stack of dusty brown books. He waddles blindly to the checkout counter, where ED, a bored, balding middle-age man sits reading a well-worn porno magazine. DJ carefully lowers the stack next to two others already on the counter. DJ Whew! That’s it for today. DJ looks at the stacks and frowns. DJ Didn’t find as much as usual. Ed disinterestedly scans over the books. He immediately goes back to his reading. ED Fifty bucks. DJ pulls his distressed leather wallet from the front pocket of his jeans and slips out a $50 bill. Ed snatches is without looking up, immediately stuffs it in his pocket. DJ contemplates the stacks, spots a hand truck near the counter. DJ Mind if I borrow that to get these out to the car? Ed still doesn’t look up, just grunts. DJ I’ll take that as a yes. DJ carefully loads the books, and wheels them toward the door. DJ I’ll be right back. Ed doesn’t look up, but grunts in reply. EXT. CARLSON BOOKS – DAY


From a distance, we see DJ load the books carefully into the hatchback of his black Hyundai Accent, and roll the cart back into the store, and emerge again, shaking his head in disgust. DJ gets into his car, and drives around the corner to a nearby parking lot. EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY DJ bounds out of his car, pulls a small backpack from the passenger seat, and opens the hatchback. He sets his backpack next to the car. INT. TRUNK Inside his trunk we see a complex array of covered vats, clear boxes of dust wipes, cotton swabs, and plastic book sleeves. Everything in the trunk of the car is for performing immediate rescue techniques on antique books. EXT. NEARBY PARKING LOT – DAY DJ lovingly holds a book from Carlson Books. It’s a rare first edition of the Wizard of Oz. He opens the book with reverence. On the first page it’s autographed by L. Frank Baum. He turns the page, and sees a child’s crayon drawing of the Tin Man, with the words “Margaret loves the Tin Man” in a child’s handwriting below the picture. DJ laughs, shakes his head and speaks under his breath to himself. DJ That’ll take a bit of work to get out… DJ gingerly places the book into the trunk of the car, and closes the hatchback. He picks up his backpack, and pulls out a snappy tweed blazer. He pulls the hooded sweatshirt he’s wearing off over his head, revealing a dark colored button up shirt, and patterned silk necktie. He puts the blazer on.


He removes a pair of leather dress shoes from the backpack and drops them at his feet. He kicks of his sneakers, and slips the dress shoes on. He picks up the sneakers, packs them and the sweatshirt back into the backpack. He gets back into the car. INT. DJ BOSWORTH’S CAR – DAY DJ drops the backpack on the passenger side floor. DJ picks up a briefcase from the passenger seat and opens it. Inside are a few antique books, all in nearly mint condition. DJ smiles, shuts the case, and sets it back on the passenger seat. EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY DJ’s car pulls onto a busy street. EXT. CLAREMONT & SONS FINE BOOKS – DAY DJ’s car pulls up across the street from the bookstore. He slips from the car with his briefcase, jogs lightly across the street, and takes a breath, ‘centering himself’ before he enters the bookstore. INT. CLAREMONT & SONS FINE BOOKS – DAY An earthy sounding bell jingles as DJ enters. He is immediately greeted by MR.CLAREMONT, a slender grandfatherly man in a dark suit, with a salt and pepper beard. MR. CLAREMONT Mr. Bosworth! So good to see you again! DJ Good Afternoon, Mr. Claremont, good to see you again as well. Mr. Claremont grasps DJ by the arm in a friendly way leading him over to the far end of the counter. MR. CLAREMONT What treasures have your sources sent you with today, Mr. Bosworth?


DJ sets his briefcase on the counter and pops the clasps, lifting it open with a flourish worthy of a treasure chest. Mr. Claremont’s eyes widen. MR. CLAREMONT My, my… Mr. Claremont picks up one of the books, and delicately turns it over in his hands. MR. CLAREMONT What a breathtaking edition of Sallust’s Cataline Conspiracy! DJ smiles in a business-like way as Mr. Claremont examines each book, and sets them on the counter. MR.CLAREMONT I believe I can make room in my shop for these beautiful additions. And I’m sure your sources will be very happy with my offer. Mr. Claremont writes on a small slip of paper, and slides it across the counter to DJ. DJ smiles, and nods. Mr. Claremont disappears to the back of the shop, and reappears with fairly thick envelope. He hands the envelope to DJ, who slips it into his briefcase. They shake hands in a friendly manner. DJ Mr. Claremont, always a pleasure doing business with you. Mr. Claremont smiles in a friendly but Cheshire Cat like way. MR. CLAREMONT The same to you, Mr. Bosworth. Please let your sources know they are always invited to stop by my bookshop if they are in the neighborhood. DJ returns the smile and shakes his head. DJ Now Mr. Claremont, you know my clients prefer to remain anonymous- -


Mr. Claremont claps DJ on the back. MR. CLAREMONT - -I know…I know…But you can’t blame an old man for trying. DJ and Mr. Claremont make their way toward the front of the store. MR. CLAREMONT So, my boy, what do you think your sources might produce for me next? DJ I’ve heard talk of an autographed first edition of the Wizard of Oz… Mr. Claremont pauses, turning toward DJ. MR. CLAREMONT Delightful! I can’t wait to see it! DJ furrows his brows, suddenly seeing something hidden on a shelf behind the counter. DJ gasps in surprise and awe. DJ My God! No! It can’t be! Mr. Claremont grins brightly. MR. CLAREMONT Ah….I was meaning to share that with you… DJ Is that…. Mr. Claremont goes around the counter, and pulls the book from the shelf, savoring it. He turns dramatically, holds it out to DJ. DJ reaches out to open the book. DJ May I?


Mr. Claremont nods, with awe and reverence DJ opens the cover of the book. Inside the cover, an inscription reads, “I’m trying to eat! Fuck off! Ernest Hemingway” DJ practically hears the music of angels as he touches the book. He tries to reclaim his composure, and resumes his business-like demeanor. DJ A uniquely autographed first edition of Ernest Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises. What is a copy in this condition going for? MR. CLAREMONT I’m afraid it’s not for sale, Mr. Bosworth. DJ Perhaps a trade? I’ve got some fine editions I’d be glad to bring in. Hagar’s Daughter, first edition, second state…an autographed edition of Miss Lonelyhearts…Beeton’s Christmas Annual? MR. CLAREMONT I won’t be able to trade books for this edition. Perhaps your sources may be able to help you aquire it. DJ grimaces. DJ I will speak with them. We’ll talk more of this. The bell on the door rings as another customer enters. DJ and Mr. Claremont exchange nods, and DJ moves toward the door. As DJ nears the door, he notices a small, slender darkhaired boy, around 8 years old, wearing a school uniform standing behind a shelf. DJ sees the boy furtively slip a book off the shelf, and into his backpack in one move. DJ walks up behind the boy.


DJ You’ll enjoy that edition of Aristophanes. It’s an early vernacular translation. They left in all the fart jokes. The boy whips around, clearly insulted. BOY I did not steal it for the fart jokes! DJ pulls back, startled by the outburst, and shushes the boy. He resumes speaking, in a whisper. BOY I… I took it for the hand marbled endpapers…. DJ’s face splits into a huge grin and he laughs. DJ Well, I can’t let a young man of such excellent taste go to juvenile hall for theft. Give me the book and I’ll buy it for you. DJ holds out his hand, and the boy reluctantly takes the book from his backpack. Together they approach the counter. A young woman works behind the register. DJ pulls a few bills from his wallet, and hands them to the woman, who begins ringing and packaging the book for him. DJ You know, if you like hand marbled paper I’m doing a free workshop at the downtown library this Saturday afternoon. Why don’t you check it out? The boy furrows his brows in thought for a moment then nods. The woman hands the wrapped book and his change back to DJ. DJ passes the book to the boy. Together they exit the bookstore. EXT. CLAREMONT & SONS FINE BOOKS - DAY The boy turns left, and DJ steps to the curb to cross the street to his car.


DJ Hey! The boy turns to look at DJ. DJ No more stealing! The boy nods solemnly, then smiles. He remembers his new treasure and begins running home. DJ laughs, and crosses the street briskly back to his car. EXT. PARK VILLAGE APARTMENTS – EARLY EVENING He walks briskly, practically skipping up the few low steps to the front door of his apartment building. INT. LOBBY - PARK VILLAGE APARTMENTS – EARLY EVENING DJ unlocks the interior door, and enters the lobby. He unlocks his mailbox, looks inside, but leaves the mail. He hits the button for the elevator. Humming to himself, he primps in the mirror in the lobby as he waits for the elevator. INT. FOURTH FLOOR – PARK VILLAGE APARTMENTS – EARLY EVENING DJ exits the elevator, and walks a short distance down a dim, clean but grungy hallway. He slows as he approaches apartment 404. On the floor, immediately in front of the door is a small bag. DJ approaches it suspiciously and taps it with his foot. He picks it up. DJ opens the bag finding a small box and a note. Curious, he closes the bag, and unlocks and opens the door. INT. DJ AND DANA’S APARTMENT DJ pulls the box and note out of the bag. He sets the box on a small table near the door, and begins reading the note. He lets out a loud sigh, crumples the note and tosses the note and the box into the trash as he mutters to himself. DJ God, Mom! A fertility test for Dana!


INT. BEDROOM DJ whips opens the closet doors. He stands and stares into the closet, remembering. FLASHBACK – INT. DJ’S BEDROOM (1984) DJ and his mom kneel on the carpeted floor. He wears scuffed up jeans and an ‘alligator’ polo shirt and Kangaroos shoes. His mother looks straight out of “9 to 5”. June pins a small piece of cloth to a He-Man action figure. JUNE …so when you have children, you’ll know how to put on a diaper! FLASHBACK – INT. A CHURCH (1989) DJ and his mom have just attended the baptism of a neighbor’s baby. DJ wears an ill-fitting suit, and his mother wears a turquoise silk jumpsuit with a large turquoise and hot pink leather belt. Intense shoulder pads and huge “mall-hair” complete the look. DJ curiously approaches the priest. June watches warily. DJ How do you get a job as a priest? Before the priest can reply, June scurries forward, speaking quickly and curtly. JUNE Excuse us, we’re running late. She grasps DJ’s arm and steers him away. DJ scuttles next to her, indignant. DJ Hey! What’s the problem with me talking to the Father? JUNE He’s nobody’s father! That’s the problem!


FLASHBACK – JUNE BOSWORTH’S LIVING ROOM (1993) DJ and a young woman, SARAH stand in the living room near the front door, wearing formal wear, on their way to prom. June takes a couple pictures, then pulls DJ aside while Sarah stands awkwardly alone. JUNE Sarah doesn’t really have good ‘birthing hips’. DJ’s mouth drops open in shock. He hisses at June DJ What the… Mom, you’re insane. June muses in a dreamy voice, oblivious to DJ’s anger. JUNE I was hoping you’d take Becky to the prom. The kids the kids the two of you would have. Gorgeous, like little angels… DJ storms out the door. Sarah looks around confused. FLASHBACK - JUNE BOSWORTH’S LIVING ROOM (1998) DANA SCHOTZE, a slim, pale, dark-haired woman in her mid 20’s wearing excessive dark make-up. DJ and Dana sit at the table, awkwardly wrapped in bed sheets. A pair of men’s blue jeans, a black hoodie sweatshirt, socks, sneakers, a black velvet dress, black boots and fishnets are all strewn on the floor. June stands nearby, wearing a dark wool dress coat and leather gloves. DJ and Dana look down at the floor, their faces flush with embarrassment. DJ speaks slowly and quietly. DJ Mom…I’m so sorry. We didn’t think you’d be home quite this early. June smiles broadly, inappropriately delighted by the situation. JUNE No apology necessary! June whispers excitedly under her breath.


JUNE I can’t wait to tell my first grandchild about this! INT – DJ AND DANA’S BEDROOM Shock colors DJ’s face as realization hits. He turns from the closet. DJ She’s always wanted babies. Dana’s cat Isis saunters into the bedroom, effortlessly leaps up to the foot of the bed, and curls up in a ball. DJ directs his rant toward the cat. DJ Babies! Another level of realization hits. DJ My God, Isis, you’re named after a fertility goddess! DJ furrows his brows, scowling. DJ I always thought it was odd that mom wanted to name you so badly. DJ shakes his suit jacket off, and tosses it over a chair. DJ Babies this, babies that! DJ impatiently unbuttons his shirt, and whips it into the corner inside the closet. He yanks a t-shirt out of a drawer, and snakes into it. He performs a snide imitation of his mother’s voice. DJ “Sarah doesn’t have good ‘birthing hips’.” DJ snatches up a hooded sweatshirt from the floor of the closet and pulls it on.


DJ What the hell does that even mean? DJ kicks off his dress shoes, and grabs a pair of sneakers out of the closet. The cat looks up as he plops down on the edge of the bed. DJ And a fertility test! That’s it! INT – JUNE’S LIVING ROOM – EARLY EVENING The doorbell rings. June appears from the kitchen and opens the door. DJ stands fuming and wrathful on the front porch. He enters immediately, and June throws her arms open to hug him. JUNE Honey! What a surprise! DJ storms past his mother, ignoring her attempt to hug him. She approaches him, concerned. JUNE DJ, what’s the matter? DJ spins to face his mother. He whips out the fertility test and holds it in her face. DJ What the hell is this? JUNE It’s a fertility test dear. It was on sale at Walgreens. DJ glares at her. JUNE It’s not for you dear, it’s for Dana. DJ I know who it’s for! June smiles condescendingly.


JUNE Well, you and Dana have been trying, and- DJ Trying? JUNE Trying to get pregnant. June smiles proudly. JUNE I figured this might help things along. DJ paces away, shaking his head. He sighs. June gasps in dismay. JUNE Unless….Oh honey…It’s not…. June drops her voice to a whisper. JUNE It’s not your little swimmers, is it? DJ throws his hands in the air. DJ Good God Mom! It’s not me, it’s not Dana… For God’s sake, it’s none of your business anyhow! June looks stunned. DJ stalks away angrily. He turns, sees hurt on his mom’s face, then approaches her. He guides her to a nearby sofa, and takes a seat next to her. DJ Mom, my whole life you’ve been grooming me to have kids. Like, even when I was way too young to be having kids. Why? June wrings her hands. JUNE I…..I guess I just want to be a grandmother. I miss having a baby around the house.


DJ shakes his head. JUNE I just want something to love, to spoil… DJ glances at his watch and sees that he’s running late. DJ Mom…I’ve got to go meet Dana. DJ rises, strides toward the door. DJ We’ll talk again soon, I’m sure we can come up with something to cure your loneliness. June smiles broadly, leans in and gives DJ a big kiss on the cheek. She is positively ecstatic. JUNE Oh honey! You have no idea how excited I am to hear that. DJ hugs his mom goodbye, then jogs down the steps. June smiles and waves before shutting the door. INT – HOME OF JUNE BOSWORTH – EVENING June smiles to herself. She picks up the nearby cordless phone and dials. She taps her fingernails on the counter as she waits for an answer. A female voice answers. JUNE Angie! It’s going to happen! DJ just left and I have a good feeling he and Dana are going to try for a baby soon! EXT – HAPPYCAT! MARKETING AND DESIGN – EVENING DJ’s car pulls into a lot behind a refurbished 1880’s fire station. Sitting at a picnic table near the back door are Dana, and a few of her co-workers, JOSH, TARA and LUKE. All four of them look like ‘grown up’ versions of the goths and ravers they were ten to fifteen years ago.


As DJ gets out of his car, and approaches the group. Dana smiles broadly and jumps up to give DJ a big, tight hug and playfully passionate kiss on the mouth. DANA Hey Hon! Mmmm…so glad to see you! DJ You too, angel! Been looking forward to it all day! DJ and Dana stand hand in hand near the picnic table. DJ nods greeting to the others at the table. JOSH We’d better get inside if we want to finish that “Smoking is Lame” campaign… TARA Dana, did you send me that pic of the creepy guy in the trench coat on email? You know, the pimply guy with the rug? I think he’s our best bet for the print ads in teen mags. Dana nods and laughs. DANA Yeah, smoking will look a lot less sexy with him promoting it! LUKE Let’s get on it. There’s a Mythbusters marathon on tonight, and I don’t want to miss it. EXT. SUPERIOR STREET – EVENING DJ and Dana stroll holding hands past Victorian era downtown buildings. DJ You’ll never guess what I found at Claremont today? DANA Hmmm… Was it Catullus?


DJ shakes his head. DANA Some fun old almanacs? DJ shakes his head again, smiling. DANA Ok, I give up. What was it? DJ pauses for effect. DJ My number one. Her eyes pop with astonishment. She stops, turns to DJ, grinning madly. DANA An autographed copy of Hemingway’s The Sun Also Sets? You’re kidding? DJ smiles broadly. Dana’s mouth drops open in realization. DANA No! The one autographed “I’m trying to eat! Fuck off!”? Get out! You’re so kidding! DJ practically shivers with excitement. Dana grins broadly and hugs him. They jump up and down, laughing and screaming in glee. DANA So, how much did you have to pay for it? DJ sighs. Dana’s face drops. She bites her lip nervously. They mosey further. DJ He wouldn’t sell it. Or trade it. He hinted that if I told him where I got my books he might be able to help me. DANA Oh DJ, I’m so sorry. That sucks. He seems like a nice enough guy, maybe he’ll mellow out and consider selling it.


DJ I hope so, that book would be the pinnacle of my collection. Dana nods. They continue strolling in silence. EXT. FIRST STREET – EVENING They round a corner, nearing their destination, a 50’s style diner and ice cream parlor. DJ snickers under his breath. DANA What? DJ The sign up there, on Pop’s. Dana squints, and reads the sign out loud. DANA “Come in for a cone or sundae today. Remember, seven days without ice cream makes one weak!” DJ laughs loudly. Dana smiles, clueless, and shakes her head. DANA I don’t see what’s so funny. DJ It’s like, you need ice cream to survive, and if you go seven days without ice cream, you’d be weak. And seven days make up one week. Get it? Dana shrugs. DJ Ok, like if you didn’t eat ice cream for seven days you’d get weak, like you couldn’t stand. And there are seven days in a week, like on a calendar. Get it? Dana smiles slowly, then feigns laughter. DANA Oh… yeah… that’s funny…


DJ stops and turns to look at her. DJ You do not get it! You’re faking! Dana pouts. DANA I do so get it. It’s just not that funny. DJ So, if you get it, explain it to me. Explain why it’s funny. DANA I can’t explain why it’s funny because it isn’t. Frustrated, DJ waves his arms as their voices get louder. DJ It is funny! You can’t explain it because you don’t get it! You don’t get the joke! Dana sighs. She stalks away. DANA So what if I don’t get it. Who cares? DJ I care! I want you to get the joke! Dana snorts a laugh. DANA Stop caring! EXT. DINER - EVENING DJ stops to look up at the sign. Dana bounds up the few steps to the door. DANA I’ll grab us a table…


Dana pulls open the heavy glass and chrome door, and enters. DJ still stands outside, staring up at the sign, thinking. After a moment, he slowly climbs the steps, and enters the building. INT. POP’S DINER - EVENING DJ wearily pulls the door open, and shuffles over to Dana. He scoots into the booth. A slender waitress approaches the table, sets down two glasses of water. DJ You know, if this were a perfect relationship, you’d have gotten that joke. Dana rolls her eyes and smirks. DANA What’re you gonna do, dump me? DJ opens his mouth, as if to speak. Dana’s eyes open wide in shock. DJ Well, not dump you….but… Dana shakes her head, in awe of DJ’s audacity. She laughs in disbelief. DANA …but what? DJ What if we aren’t perfect for each other? Maybe we should…I don’t know, keep looking? Dana laughs. DANA So, we keep looking for other partners, but what? Keep each other around in case we’re the best we can find? DJ shrugs.


DANA You honestly believe after eight years of being together that we’re going to find someone else? DJ Well, probably not, but it would be an interesting experiment. We could go on dates with other people, nothing too serious… Dana laughs. DANA Sounds like an experiment. Mad scientist experiment. They sit in silence together, then... DANA If we did it, we couldn’t bring the other people we date back to our apartment. DJ gasps. DJ Ooh, good thought. We’d each have to go live somewhere else. DJ groans. DJ Like me with my mom… DANA And me with one of my sisters… After a moment spent thinking, Dana looks up, determined. DANA Ok, you’re on. One week, for us to find better partners. Dana, smirking, slips out of the seat. DANA Starting now. Dana turns on her heel and marches out. DJ drops his head to the table.


DJ I’ve created a monster. EXT. 1212 MAPLE STREET, VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE – EARLY EVENING Dana presses the door buzzer, a small black suitcase at her feet. A pleasant looking, slightly plump brunette wearing a Dale Earnhart Jr. t-shirt, black sweatpants and slippers answers the door. A sticky looking toddler clings to her calf, and she has an infant slung on her right hip. The television is on loudly. VICKI LYNN WHHAAAZZZZZ-UUUUPPPP! Dana laughs, picks up her suitcase. INT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE Two large forest green leather sofas take up most of the floor space, the remaining space consumed by a big screen TV and large speakers. NASCAR racing plays on the TV. The walls are covered with heavily lacquered clocks and plaques featuring pictures of NASCAR drivers. DANA Hey Vicki Lynn…Would it be cool if I crashed here for a week or so. DJ and I are doing this… She shakes her head, laughing. DANA …this experiment. We’re going to try to find better partners in a week. Vicki Lynn cocks her head to the side. VICKI LYNN You two are so weird.


Vicki Lynn waddles through the living room toward the kitchen, the toddler scuttling after her. VICKI LYNN Ya wanna beer? DANA No thanks, I gotta run an errand. I’ll be back in a bit. INT. PUPPYWORLD PET STORE – EARLY EVENING DJ is dwarfed by the towering Plexiglas cages holding every type of puppy imaginable. Determined, he immediately stops the first sales clerk he sees, a short, red-headed girl. DJ I need a puppy. The clerk stares blankly. Drolly, she gestures at the hundreds of puppies within sight. DJ For my mom. As a gift. The clerk nods. DJ It needs to be cute, the cutest puppy ever. DJ races from cage to cage looking at each puppy, the clerk trails along behind. DJ See, she really wants a baby, she wants me to have a baby… DJ glances at the clerk. DJ Well, not me actually having the baby, my girlfriend Dana having it… DJ furrows his brows.


DJ Though, I don’t even know if she’s really still my girlfriend after tonight… DJ peeks at the clerk. She raises an eyebrow. He stutters. DJ Not…that…any of that matters to finding a puppy. I’ll just look around. DJ scurries away from the clerk, and ducks around a corner. He’s in another towering aisle of clear boxes, full of clambering, scampering puppies. DJ shakes his head in awe. DJ Which one of you will take my mom’s mind off babies? INT. DJ’S CAR - EVENING DJ drives past Claremont & Sons Fine Books. DJ slows the car, seeing Dana inside with a young, attractive salesman. They are laughing, and Dana puts her hand on the man’s arm. Shocked and anxious, DJ swerves to pull over, but a car behind him honks and the puppy in the carrier starts wimpering. DJ is jazzed and speeds up to avoid getting hit. INT. JUNE’S HOME - EVENING The doorbell rings. June hustles to the door. She peeks through the peephole, and seeing DJ, throws open the door happily. JUNE DJ, honey! What a surprise! June moves to hug DJ, but stops and raises a brow at the dufflebag and small cardboard carrier with airholes. JUNE What’s all this? DJ lowers the bag and carrier to the ground and bites his lip nervously.


DJ Mom… This isn’t easy to tell you. June puts her arm around DJ and leads him to the sofa. They sit. DJ takes a deep breath to gather his courage. DJ I need to stay with you for at least a week. June gasps in horror. JUNE Whatever you did to cause Dana to put you out, you go right back there and apologize! Panicked, June reaches for the phone. JUNE I’m calling the florist, we’ll get some beautiful roses over there and she’ll have to take you back. DJ slaps his hand over June’s, stopping her from picking up the handset. June casts a scathing glare at DJ. JUNE DJ! DJ takes a deep breath. DJ Well, Dana didn’t get this joke, so I said maybe we weren’t right for each other. June gasps in shock, bringing her hands to her mouth. DJ And I said maybe we should take at least a week off from each other. June drops her head into her hands. DJ


And Dana agreed. She’s moving in with one of her sisters. June drops her head back melodramatically, and clasps her hands to her heart. She suddenly snaps her head up. JUNE I thought you two were going to try for a baby? DJ furrows his brow, looking at his mother as if she’s lost her mind. DJ What on earth gave you that idea? JUNE Our conversation this afternoon… DJ shakes his head. DJ I’m sorry if I gave you that impression, Mom… We’re definitely not... June’s eyes narrow to slits. DJ sighs and rolls his eyes. DJ Let me guess, you’re hoping we tried in the… DJ glances at his watch. DJ …three hours since I was last here. June nods, pathetically desperate. DJ laughs, and moves to hug his mother. DJ I love you, Mom. You’re such a nut, but - June sighs heavily and stands.



I’m unspeakably disappointed in you. You must try and talk to Dana. Tell her you’ve changed your mind. DJ sighs. DJ I think it’s too late. I saw here talking to this other guy. June tries to steady herself, but collapses histrionically. JUNE Oh DJ, what have you done? Suddenly, a wimpering sound comes from the cardboard carrier. DJ excitedly scoops the carrier up, bringing it to June. DJ I got something for you. It’s not a baby, but it’s kind of like a baby. DJ opens the carrier, and lifts out a tiny shivering dog. The dog wears a sweater that says “Grandma’s Baby” on it. DJ Tah-Dah! DJ ceremoniously presents the dog to June. She holds it disdainfully at arms length. Her face scrunches up in disgust. She suddenly bursts into tears. She shoves the dog back to DJ and runs upstairs to her bedroom. DJ Oh DJ, what have you done… INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – EVENING DJ sets his stuff down next to a door. He yells to his mother, who is in her room across the hall. DJ Um, Mom? I’ll be in my room, ok?


DJ waits a moment, there is no reply. He opens the door to his room. INT. DJ’S BEDROOM - EVENING Inside the door are piles and piles of boxes and books. The room appears to be used for storage. DJ Mom! You left my room exactly how I left it! You’re so sweet! DJ picks up his bag and carrier, and disappears into the maze of boxes and books. INT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE – LATE MORNING Dana lays sleeping on one of the large leather sofas in the living room. Loud rock music from the back yard gets louder as Vicki Lynn enters from a door off the kitchen. VICKI LYNN Party! Party! Party! Dana rolls over and hides her head under the blanket. DANA No party. Still sleeping. Vicki Lynn pulls the blankets off Dana. VICKI LYNN I invited a bunch of friends over. Now that you’re single, we’ll get you hooked up with someone really cool. Dana curls up into a ball, still trying to sleep. DANA I don’t wanna date Dale Earnhardt… Vicki Lynn pokes at Dana, laughing. VICKI LYNN


He’s dead. But if Junior were here, he’d be mine. Dana laughs sleepily. DANA Fine. Did you invite anyone I’d think was hot? Vicki Lynn folds the blankets up neatly and stashes them in a cedar chest. VICKI LYNN If you’re looking for another geeky bookworm like DJ, you’ll be disappointed. Dana sits up slowly, rubbing her eyes. DANA Nah, I’ll be back with DJ in a week. Might as well see who else the world holds while I have the chance. INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – LATE MORNING DJ lays sleeping in a narrow bed cluttered with books. Boxes are stacked high on both sides of the bed. A thick volume slips from the bed and thumps loudly on the floor. His eyes snap open at the sound, and slowly focus on a piece of pink paper laying on his pillow. DJ picks up the paper and reads it aloud. DJ Dear DJ, I’m sorry I didn’t get the joke. Please come back home. Can’t wait to see you. Love, Dana DJ rolls his eyes. DJ (yelling) Nice try, Mom! It’s so obvious this note isn’t from Dana!


DJ crumples the note and tosses it over the stacks of boxes and out of sight. He mumbles under his breath. DJ Dana would never have been able to get through this maze of boxes without tipping something over. EXT. VICKI LYNN’S BACKYARD – AFTERNOON A television set the size of a Yugo, broadcasting a NASCAR race, sits on a sagging make-shift table consisting of a piece of plywood on top of two sawhorses. In front of it are a few lawn chairs, and a ratty sofa. Dogs and a number of mostly naked children run in circles, as groups of adults laugh and talk loudly. Dana stands off to the side and appears clearly out of place amid Vicki Lynn’s boisterous working-class friends. She approaches Vicki Lynn, who is perched on the edge of her lawn chair seat. DANA Hey Vicki Lynn…I’m going to head out for a bit. TV ANNOUNCER …that’s Junior coming around the inside…. Vicki Lynn waves her hand distractedly. VICKI LYNN Hold on, hold on! Dana stands by, unsure of what she’s waiting for. TV ANNOUNCER …and Junior takes the lead! Vicki Lynn leaps from her seat screaming happily. Dana laughs, shaking her head. DANA I’ll be back later…


Dana wanders slowly around the outside of the house, the din of the party fading slowly behind her. She approaches her car, a repurposed vintage hearse. She slips behind the wheel, starts the engine, does a Uturn, and guns down the street. EXT. STORE-IT STORAGE FACILITY – AFTERNOON Dana pulls up, and turns off her car. She walks up to a silver overhead door, and bends down to unlock it. She lifts the door, and it noisily rolls up on its track. She reaches inside, and flips on a light. We see plastic totes neatly piled on pallets. Dana approaches one of the stacks, and removes the lid of the top-most tote. She reaches in and fishes out a handful of black lacy material, and grins broadly. INT. BONGO VIDEO – AFTERNOON DJ stands at the counter, talking with his friend Mark, a skinny man, with a mustache like Clark Gable, wearing slimfitting rockstar jeans and a black vintage “Members Only” jacket. Mark winks slyly at DJ. MARK …So, can I date Dana during this week? DJ stops tapping his toe against the counter. DJ I hadn’t thought of that. DJ thinks for a moment. DJ No, I don’t think that would be fair. Unless… DJ begins tapping his toe against the counter again.


DJ If she asked you on her own accord, you could go out with her. Mark scoffs, and picks up a stack of videos to restock. MARK She doesn’t even know my number, how is she going to ask me out. DJ takes half the stack from Mark and helps stock as they continue talking. DJ I don’t know, but that’s the deal. And what would Niah think of that? DJ enters a narrow aisle and bends down to slip a video back into place. DJ Besides, you’re supposed to be helping me find dates. Mark slips past DJ and stands on tip-toe to place a video on a high shelf. MARK “Soup and Cinema” is tomorrow night. There’re always single chicks there. DJ places the last of the videos in its place, and glances at his watch. DJ Cool. Gotta run, see you there tomorrow. DJ exits the video store, strutting like a pimp. Mark shakes his head, smiling. DJ Tell Niah to bring some of her cool single friends! EXT. ATOMIC RECORDS – LATE AFTERNOON


Dana’s car pulls up in front of the record store. The driver’s side door opens, and a black leather high heeled boot stomps out onto the asphalt. Dana steps out of the car, dressed in full goth regalia: She wears thigh high black leather boots, black fishnet tights, a short black miniskirt with a longer layer of black netting over it, a black corset, black fishnet sleeves, heavy black make-up and a black tulle veil. She pouts her way, sullenly but proudly, through the entrance of the store, and immediately begins flicking disdainfully through albums. A young PUNK CHICK snickers under her breath at Dana. PUNK CHICK Nice boots, granny. Dana looks up, sneering at the punk chick. A gloomy looking EMO GIRL mutters under her breath. EMO GIRL …better than your hair…looks like Oscar the Grouch puked on your head… The punk chick sticks her jaw out, approaching the emo girl threateningly. PUNK CHICK What the fuck did you say? The emo girl steps to the punk chick. EMO GIRL You heard me, poseur! STORE OWNER (shouting) No fighting in here! Take it outside. Dana, surprised by how quickly this has escalated, slips behind a rack of zines. PUNK CHICK Fuck yeah we’ll take this outside!


Punk chick grabs emo girl by the hair, dragging her towards the door. Friends of both girls join the fracas as fists fly and hair is pulled. Sheepishly, Dana slips out the door after the group of rumblers. She climbs behind the wheel of her car, and turns on the engine. She catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and pulls her veil off, now embarrassed by her extreme appearance. INT. CLAREMONT & SONS FINE BOOKS – LATE AFTERNOON The heavy musical bell jingles, announcing DJ’s arrival at the bookstore. Mr. Claremont beams in a fatherly way at DJ as he enters. MR. CLAREMONT Good Afternoon, Mr. Bosworth. What kind of fine antiquities are you offering today. DJ is polite, but distracted. He opens his briefcase, and offers the contents to Claremont. Mr. Claremont examines each book closely, gingerly thumbing through the aged editions. MR. CLAREMONT Excellent, excellent. Mr. Claremont scratches a figure on a slip of paper, offers it to DJ. DJ glances at it, and nods. Claremont slips to a back room, returning momentarily with a thick envelope. DJ nods, drops the envelope into his briefcase, and as closes it, catches a glimpse of the shelf behind Claremont. DJ The Hemingway, it’s gone? Claremont nods solemnly.


MR. CLAREMONT Yes, I’m afraid one of my associates sold it, without my knowledge. DJ is frantic. DJ Where is it? Who bought it? Claremont shakes his head. MR. CLAREMONT The buyer wished to remain anonymous. There’s nothing more I can tell you. DJ drops his head, crushed by this news. MR. CLAREMONT I am sorry. I know you were quite interested in that edition. DJ nods, smiling weakly. He slowly lifts his briefcase and turns to go. DJ Good day, Mr. Claremont. MR. CLAREMONT Good day, Mr. Bosworth. EXT. FREEMONT SKATE PARK – EARLY EVENING Dana, now wearing a pair of black yoga pants, and a black baby tee that reads ‘recovering goth’, sits near the top of rickety wooden bleachers with the girlfriend of her younger brother. A group of young guys down on the concrete ramps and ledges, in their late teens and early twenties appear to be running around in circles, doing dance moves, and standing in place posing. A group of young girls, the same ages as the guys sit lower down on the bleachers, talking with each other, filing their nails and doing their hair. DANA


…so, we’re going to spend the next week dating other people, as if we could find someone more compatible in a week. Nikki yells down to the guys on the concrete. NIKKI Good one, Jakob! Wooo-oooh! Dana squints, watching the guys. DANA What are they doing? Nikki rolls her eyes, laughing under her breath. NIKKI They call it ‘freestyle walking’. Dana laughs in disbelief. DANA What?! Nikki shakes her head, laughing. NIKKI I know…they all think they’re hot shit. It’s so silly. But, you do what ya gotta do. DANA What, sit here and cheer ‘em on? Dana and Nikki glance down at the group of women, as one cheers her boyfriend on. YOUNG WOMAN Yeah Jake! Great moves! You’re rockin’ it! NIKKI Yeah, basically. It’s no different than you supporting DJ’s wacky book hunting. Dana shrugs. DANA I suppose.


They sit quietly watching the guys sprint, pause, spin and jump. DANA I don’t think I’m going to find someone more compatible with me here, am I? Nikki smirks, and pats Dana on the back in a sisterly way. NIKKI You know you and DJ are meant to be. There isn’t a couple more right than you two. Dana blushes, smiling happily, thinking about DJ. She nods. INT. JUNE’S HOUSE – EARLY EVENING The lock on the front door turns, and with much fumbling, DJ enters, juggling a briefcase, a box of books and a sack of tacos. JUNE DJ, you’re just in time for dinner with our guests! DJ’s face falls as he looks up. June stands with a slender stylish brunette, about the same age as June, and a nervous looking younger brunette, a few years younger than DJ. JUNE This is my friend Tabitha, and her daughter, Marie. DJ nods politely with a fixed grin on his face, still holding all his parcels. June looks to DJ expectantly. JUNE Marie also likes books. DJ grits his teeth, keeping the smile on his face. DJ


Good to meet you. DJ struggles with his packages toward his mom. He sneers under his breath. DJ Can I speak with you in the kitchen? June beams at her guests. JUNE Make yourself at home. Dinner will be right out. INT. JUNE’S KITCHEN – EARLY EVENING The kitchen is ripe with delicious smells. This dinner alone could win someone’s heart. A sack of tacos squishes as DJ sets it on the counter. He drops his box of books and briefcase at the base of the stairs. DJ fishes out a taco, and flicks open the paper wrapper, dropping shredded lettuce as he bites into it. June swats the taco away from DJ, just as he takes a bite of it. DJ (mouth full) Hey! June drops the taco back in the sack, and scurries about picking up the bits of lettuce. She speaks curtly, but powerfully to DJ. JUNE You will be joining us for dinner. DJ slouches, slowly crunching the one mouthful of taco. JUNE This was your ridiculous idea. If you’re living here, you’ll do as I say. June shoves a large serving platter artfully stacked with glazed pork chops at DJ.


A tight smile cinches her face. JUNE Now, go entertain our guests. INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – LATE EVENING DJ’s cell phone rings, playing a 1920’s ragtime piano riff. He answers the phone. DJ Hello? INT. DANA’S CAR – LATE EVENING Dana holds her cell phone to her ear. She smiles brightly when DJ answers. Dana Hey there, Deej! Just wanted to call and see how your first day as a swingin’ single was going? INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – LATE EVENING DJ smiles when he hears Dana’s voice, but then his face drops remembering Dana and the salesman at Claremont’s bookstore. DJ (coolly) It looks like your week is off to a roaring start. INT. DANA’S CAR – LATE EVENING Dana adjusts the phone against her head, frowning, assuming she must have misheard him. DANA What? INT. DJ’S BEDROOM - LATE EVENING DJ grimaces, speaking accusingly. DJ I saw you at the bookstore. With that guy.


DJ rises from his bed, pacing what little space he has. DJ Are you going to date only him all week, or do you have a bunch of other young, bookreading, intelligent, sharp-dressing guys lined up! INT. DANA’S CAR – LATE EVENING Realizing what DJ is getting at, Dana shakes her head wearily. DANA First, this experiment was your idea…and second, you’ll be sorry once I explain - INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – LATE EVENING DJ continues pacing the tight space around his bed, moving faster, he stubs his toe on the metal bedframe. DJ SHIT! DJ jumps up and down on one foot, massaging his stubbed toe with one hand, and still holding the phone with the other. DJ I’m already sorry! DJ punches the disconnect button and whips the phone angrily against the bed. INT. DANA’S CAR – LATE EVENING Dana looks at the phone to confirm the disconnection. She drops it on the passenger seat. She thumps her forehead against the steering wheel and runs her hands through her hair. INT. VICKI LYNN’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING


Dana lays on her back, sleeping soundly on one of the large leather sofas. One of Vicki Lynn’s children, a toddler, sits on Dana’s chest licking a rapidly melting push-pop. The doorbell rings, a dog starts barking, and in haste to get off Dana, the child drops the ice cream on her face and jumps to the floor. Dana sits up, startled by the cold treat. DANA Ugh! What the hell! Dana wipes the ice cream from her face, and holds the remainder of the sticky tube disdainfully between her fingers. DANA (yelling) Vicki Lynn! You’re kid’s all over me! The doorbell rings again, and Dana kicks off the blanket to answer it. DANA Coming! Dana opens the door, and steps back, wiping her face with the corner of her nightgown. A slim, muscular, well-tanned man speaks with a slight Southern accent. ADAM Good Morning, ma’am. Is Joe here? Dana looks up, and her mouth drops open. DANA Uhh. Yeah. He’s out back. Josh nods to Dana, stepping by her to cut through the house to the backyard. ADAM Thank you, ma’am.


Dana turns to follow Adam with her eyes. When she hears the screen door to the backyard slam, she slowly turns back to the front door. In a daze, she closes the door, and walks down a short hallway off the living room. She opens the door to Vicki Lynn’s bedroom and walks in. VICKI LYNN (off-screen) Hey! Knock first! DANA (off-screen) Wow. Who was that? INT. NODE COFFEE SHOP – LATE MORNING DJ stands near the front door, looking at fliers hanging on a bulletin board. A slim, petite goth girl slips up near him, also browsing the fliers. Unexpectedly, she snickers under her breath, and slips a pen from her coffin-shaped purse. DJ watches her with interest, as she begins writing on a flier depicting the floorplan to an apartment for rent. The goth girl crosses out “Laundry Room” on the floor plan, and writes in “Dungeon”. DJ laughs out loud, and the girl turns around. MARISA What? DJ snickers a bit before pulling it together. DJ Just what you wrote was funny. I couldn’t help noticing. Distrustfully, Marisa looks DJ up and down. DJ smiles. DJ Is that Bloody Mary “Black Blood” lipstick you’re wearing?


Marisa breaks into a wide grin. MARISA Yes it is! Marisa gestures at DJ’s decidedly not goth appearance. MARISA How’d you know? DJ smiles. DJ A…A friend…of mine has the same color. Marisa nods. MARISA Cool. Were you on your way in, or out? DJ In. Can I get you a cup of coffee? Marisa nods. MARISA Sure. A grin splits DJ’s face. Together he and Marisa walk to the front of the shop and stand at the counter. INT. VICKI LYNN’S BEDROOM – LATE MORNING Vicki Lynn, wearing sweatpants and a red t-shirt, stands next to her bed folding baby clothes into a laundry basket. Dana, now wearing jeans and a cropped black sweater, sits on the edge of the bed and helps fold each piece of the crumpled pile as they talk. DANA Why wasn’t he at the party yesterday? Vicki Lynn shrugs. She stacks tiny blankets neatly in the basket.


VICKI LYNN I really didn’t think he was your type. I think he had to work yesterday too. Dana hands Vicki Lynn a bundle of tiny shirts. DANA He’s really good looking. Those gorgeous eyes. Dana pokes at the pile of laundry. DANA I kind of feel bad. I’m actually kind of attracted to him. Vicki Lynn pulls a sheet out of the pile of laundry, and hands one end to Dana to help fold it. VICKI LYNN He’s single, why don’t I ask him to stay for dinner tonight. Dana snaps the sheet, straightening it. She blushes and smiles, thinking about the possibilities. DANA Yeah, ask him. It would probably be easier to get to know him around you guys. She matches her corners of the sheet to Vicki Lynn’s, and skips toward the door. DANA I’ll pick up some stuff for dinner! I’ll be back later! INT. NODE COFFEE SHOP DJ and Marisa sit at a small table near a window. They are laughing and talking animatedly. Marisa’s cell phone beeps, and she pulls it out of her purse. Upon looking at it, she stands and grabs her jacket off the back of the chair. MARISA I’ve got an appointment, I’ve got to go.


Out of politeness, DJ stands to see her off. DJ Can I give you my number? I’d like to hang out again sometime. Marisa pauses, smiles. MARISA Definitely! DJ beams, and pulls a pen and a small leather-bound notebook out of the inside pocket of his jacket, and begins writing. MARISA Would you like to meet up later? I was going to meet some friends at the Blue Plate Diner for dinner. DJ looks up. DJ I can’t tonight, I’m meeting up with friends at “Soup and Cinema” tonight. Marisa nods. MARISA That’s cool. Tomorrow night? DJ Sounds good to me. MARISA See you at 8, tomorrow at the Blue Plate. Marisa takes the slip of paper with DJ’s number on it, and slips it into her purse. She waves as she walks toward the front door. INT. POP’S DINER - AFTERNOON Dana scribbles distractedly in a leather-bound journal. She absentmindedly takes a sip from her coffee.


A slim, slightly sleazy looking man enters. The other patrons murmur under their breath as he primps, admiring his reflection in the window glass. He approaches Dana, does a hop-skip as he pulls his jacket open at the hips and slips his hands in the pockets of his jeans. MICK Hey there, Dana. Mind if I join you. Dana looks up, smiles tightlipped, and gestures toward the empty bench across from her. Mick slips his hands out of his pockets, purposefully dropping a ribbon of condoms on the table. Mick winks suggestively and slips into the seat opposite Dana. MICK Oops. Did I drop those? Dana rolls her eyes as he picks up the condoms and tucks them into an inside pocket of his blazer, never taking his eyes off Dana. Mick leans in, speaking in a low deliberate voice. MICK I missed you at work today. DANA I’m taking some vacation days, getting some stuff done. Mick whispers, puckering and pouting his lips unnecessarily. MICK Tara said you and DJ have separated. Dana furrows her brow, scowling disgustedly at Mick. DANA Technically, yes. It’s just a stunt.


Mick nods slowly, smiling. He takes out a black plastic pocket comb and slicks back his hair. MICK I’d love to go out with you while you’re single. I always thought you were my type. Dana shakes her head. DANA I’m flattered, but I don’t think so. I’m not really taking this dating-other-people thing too seriously. Dana winces as under the table, Mick’s foot slides up her leg. MICK You have this darkness about you. Mick stares off into space, daydreaming. Dana slams her journal shut and crams it into her messenger bag. MICK You’re like this mystical warrior priestess, a Valkyrie towering over the darkside, the orphaned daughter of the Underworld… Dana leans back, disturbed as Mick reaches his climax. MICK You could be my dominant German mistress! The waitress arrives with Dana’s food. Dana holds her hand up, stopping the waitress from setting the plate down. DANA I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll need this to go. Dana hurriedly scoots out of the seat. Mick glares at her angrily. MICK Where are you going?


Mick snatches a butter knife from the table, holding it threateningly at his throat. MICK Don’t make me do this, Dana! Dana backs away guardedly. DANA I think it would be best if we kept our relationship on a professional level. Mick holds himself hostage with the knife. MICK Dana, you’re not like other girls! Mick speaks in a girly voice. MICK “The ropes are too tight! I can’t breathe!” Mick throws down the butter knife and frantically struggles out of the booth. MICK You’re not like that, you’re special Dana, I know it! Dana snatches the Styrofoam box and slaps a ten dollar bill on the counter, turns and bounds out of the diner. INT. INDEPENDENT FILM CO. - EVENING DJ, Mark and NIAH enter the dimly lit building. Folding chairs are lined up, facing a make-shift movie screen. A black and white film of scratches and squiggles plays on the screen. Along one wall is a long table full of an assortment of foods. Niah adds a platter of cheese and crackers to the table, and DJ sets a 2-liter of soda at the head of the buffet.


DELERIA, a wild-eyed redhead wearing nothing but a t-shirt with “I am not your property” scrawled on the front in black magic marker approaches. Each fingernail and toenail is painted a different color. DELERIA DJ, Mark, Niah. I felt your auras and had to greet you. Deleria waggles her fingers around their bodies, as if tickling their auras. Without waiting for a response, Deleria wanders away, appearing to be grasping at invisible butterflies fluttering around her head. DJ looks at Mark in astonishment. DJ Wow! Mark and Niah nod, knowingly. DJ She is so normal now! They all turn, their gaze following Deleria. She stops suddenly, and bends over. Her t-shirt pulls up, and her bare bottom is exposed. NIAH Oh god. Moonshine! MARK Don’t look directly at it! DJ rushes over to add a reel to the stack next to the projector. He returns to Niah and Mark who are filling plates with an assortment of snacks before finding a seat. DJ I found this great vintage stag film a couple months ago. You guys will love it!


INT. VICKI LYNN’S BATHROOM - EVENING Dana pins a last loose strand of hair up, and then changing her mind, pulls it loose again. She looks herself over in the mirror. She’s pleased at her appearance: natural make-up, slim-fitting jeans and a soft chocolate brown cropped sweater. Taking one last look at herself, she exits the bathroom. INT. VICKI LYNN’S KITCHEN - EVENING Dana takes a stack of plates from the cupboard and begins setting the table. Vicki Lynn stands at the stove, whipping a large kettle of mashed potatoes. VICKI LYNN Adam and Joe are out back. I’ll call them in once the table is set. Dana giggles. DANA Did Adam say anything about how awful I looked this morning? Vicki Lynn bangs the whisk on the rim of the kettle and sets the lid back on. VICKI LYNN Not that I know of, but I wasn’t around them too much today. Dana grabs a handful of silverware from a drawer. DANA What do you think of my outfit? Do you think he’ll like it? Vicki Lynn looks Dana over. VICKI LYNN He’ll definitely like it more than your sorry-ass nightgown.


Dana smirks. DANA So, who’s his favorite NASCAR driver? Vicki Lynn opens the fridge, and selects a gallon of milk. VICKI LYNN He doesn’t really watch NASCAR. Dana nods slowly. She places the last fork on the table. DANA Finished. Do you want me to go call them in? EXT. INDEPENDENT FILM CO. – NIGHT DJ, Mark and Niah stand outside the building with a few other people. Niah smokes a cigarette. DJ Wasn’t that stag film I found a riot? MARK The sideburns on the men were beyond hysterical. Niah blows a puff of smoke. NIAH Can you believe that pretentious Jessa brought her stupid “me-naked-in-the-woods” film again? DJ I was surprised. I haven’t been here in forever, but even I remember that one. Does she bring it to every event. Mark nods. MARK Yeah. Last time was the worst though. She brought a bunch of pine tree branches and sat on the floor wearing nothing but a blindfold whipping herself with them.


DJ laughs. DJ You’re kidding me! Mark and Niah laugh. MARK I wish I was. I swear it’s gotten worse since you used to come to these regularly. DJ kicks his heel against a spot on the sidewalk. DJ I don’t think I’m going to find anyone here to date. I’m just not the same guy I was eight years ago. Niah drops her cigarette butt and grinds it out with the ball of her foot. MARK I suppose not. But, at least you’ll get some grub and get to see Jessa’s naked willowy form run through the woods. NIAH Wasn’t that just Peterson Park that she filmed that at? Mark laughs. MARK Yeah, I heard the cops picked her up for public nudity. Niah turns and heads back into the building. She calls back to the guys. NIAH And I’m sure she made film of that too! EXT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE – EVENING Vicki Lynn, Joe, Dana and Adam sit on the front porch. Everyone has a bottle of beer.


Vicki Lynn tips back her beer, finishing the bottle with a long drink. VICKI LYNN Well, Joe, why don’t we head inside? Vicki Lynn stands. JOE It’s still early, I was gonna… Vicki Lynn gives Joe a frigid look. JOE I was gonna head inside with you. Dana and Adam snicker as Vicki Lynn chases Joe inside. The sit in silence a moment after the screen door wheezes shut. DANA I guess they thought we needed some time alone. Adam nods solemnly. ADAM What do you think? Dana bites her lip, looking at a dog barking in the distance. DANA It’s a good way to get to know someone. Dana looks back at Adam, and smiles. Adam nearly blushes, and looks down, nervously bending a trucker cap in his hands. DANA I’m surprised you wanted to stay for dinner after seeing me look such a fright this morning in my nightgown. Adam looks up suddenly.


ADAM Nightgown! I’m sorry ma’am! I thought you were wearin’ some Halloween costume. Dressed up like Elvira or sumpthin’! Adam practically wraps the brim of the trucker hat around itself bending it so tightly. ADAM Had I known you were in your nightgown… …I would have uh…averted mah eyes, er… Dana giggles, putting her hands over her mouth. DANA No big deal. I’m much more embarrassed to know you thought I was dressed up for Halloween… Adam looks up, and sets the hat next to him purposefully. ADAM I didn’t mean to make you embarrassed… That uh…that Elvira look is very uh… …very flattering on you. Dana blushes. DANA Thank you. Dana sighs happily. DANA You have gorgeous eyes. Adam picks his hat up, and locks it down on his head. ADAM Thank you, ma’am. Dana pats the seat of the porch swing. DANA Join me…


Adam rises slowly, and steps toward Dana. INT. MARK’S CAR – NIGHT Mark drives, Niah in the passenger seat, and DJ sits in the middle of the back seat, leaning forward to participate in the conversation. Mark pulls up to the house that he and Niah share. NIAH Thanks, hon. Niah turns to face DJ. NIAH I have to work tomorrow morning, but no reason for you two to call it a night. Niah leans in to kiss Mark goodnight as she unbuckles her seatbelt. The all exchange goodbyes. DJ pops the seat forward and hops out to get in the front seat after Niah exits. DJ You so had that planned. Does she even need to work tomorrow? MARK She does, I swear! What do you say to Paul’s Club? Gin and tonics on me! DJ chuckles. DJ Sounds good man! EXT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE - NIGHT Adam and Dana sit on a porch swing, snuggled close to each other. Dana has Adams flannel shirt wrapped over her shoulders. ADAM It’s starting to get a little cold…


Dana sighs. DANA I suppose it is… They sit in silence together for a moment. ADAM Maybe I’m being too forward, but I don’t really want the evening to end quite yet. Dana smiles shyly, and turns to look him in the eyes. DANA How early do you need to get up tomorrow? ADAM No particular time, why? Dana stands, pulling the flannel more tightly around her shoulders. DANA I know this all night diner, you wanna get a milkshake or something? A broad smile splits Adam’s face. ADAM I’d like that. Dana reaches for Adam’s hand, playfully pulling him off the porch swing. INT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE - NIGHT Vicki Lynn and Joe kneel on one of the sofas, peeking out between the curtains. They whisper conspiratorially to each other. JOE They’re leaving now, can we go back outside.



Ten bucks says they’re going to screw around in the back of Adam’s pick-up. JOE Adam’s not that kind of guy. And I don’t get the impression you’re sister is that kind of woman. Vicki Lynn swats Joe angrily. VICKI LYNN That kind of woman! What’s that supposed to mean? Joe leaps from the couch in surprise, holding his arm where he was swatted. JOE OWWW! What was that for? Vicki Lynn springs from the couch and lunges at Joe still swatting at him. VICKI LYNN That kind of woman! Screwing around in your truck, that’s what we did on our first date! Joe stutters, backing away from Vicki Lynn. JOE That’s not…That’s not how…er…what I meant! Vicki Lynn stands menacingly, her hands on her hips. VICKI LYNN You’d best just stop talkin’ now, before I get the frying pan. Joe turns and immediately heads toward the bedroom. JOE I’m sorry. Goodnight sweet’ums. Vicki Lynn yells after him. VICKI LYNN Where do you think you’re going?


Joe shamefully turns to face Vicki Lynn. JOE I’m getting my blanket and pillow to sleep on the couch. VICKI LYNN Damn right you are! INT. PAUL’S CLUB – NIGHT DJ and Mark enter the bar, a clean, upscale place with many cozy tables lining one side, and a long bar lining the other side. In the middle of the building a huge oak tree, made of a real trunk and faux leaves shading the whole bar. The guys slip past the thick trunk of the tree, and slide up on a couple of stools at the far end of the bar. MARK Two gin and tonics, please. The barkeep nods. MARK So, where are you really at with Dana? DJ frowns, poking at the napkin in front of him. DJ I don’t know. I guess I didn’t think she’d go along with it. The barkeep pins the napkin down with DJ’s drink. He sets an identical drink in front of Mark. DJ And I thought she was already dating someone when I saw her with a guy at Claremont’s. Mark pokes the ice in his glass with a stirrer. MARK But she’s not with that guy. DJ takes a sip.


DJ I don’t know. I was on the phone with her, and she was going to explain something to me, and I stubbed my toe and was so angry I hung up on her. Mark winces and looks at DJ with mild disgust. MARK Tell me you called her back and talked things out with her, at least found out what she wanted to tell you. DJ sighs heavily. DJ I didn’t. My mom was making me bring out the dinner for this girl she invited over… Mark looks at DJ quizzically. BARKEEP Last call! Mark and DJ both take a sip of their drinks. DJ I can’t wait for this week to end. INT. MARK’S CAR – LATE NIGHT Mark drives as DJ looks out the window. They pass Pop’s Diner, and through the window, DJ sees Dana hugging a man he doesn’t recognize. INT. POP’S DINER – LATE NIGHT Standing next to the booth they just shared, Dana tightens her embrace with Adam. Slowly, smiling, they draw themselves apart. DANA You are so brave. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to work around people who are so homophobic. Adam drops his eyes.


ADAM You’re something else, Dana. Joe and Vicki Lynn are nice and all, but I’d never be able to tell them the things I just told you. Dana’s eyes sparkle as she laughs. DANA I love Vicki Lynn, but have no idea how we became such different people. Dana’s eyes drop, as the smile fades from her face. DANA Don’t tell them about me being bi. I know they could probably handle it, but I’d just rather they didn’t know. Adam playfully and gallantly bows. ADAM Your secret is safe with me, madam! Dana throws her head back with a roar of delighted laughter. DANA Adam, if you weren’t gay, I’d be on my way to Vegas with you for a quickie Elvis wedding! INT. DJ’S BEDROOM– LATE MORNING A loud rapping on the door startles DJ awake. June shouts pleasantly through the heavy wood of the door. JUNE (O.S.) DJ! The ladies are here! Get dressed and come right down! DJ kicks violently at the twisted blankets, and groans. DJ What ladies? The door creaks as June pops her head through. The look on her face means business. JUNE


DJ. The ladies are here. Get dressed, nicely, and come right down. Daintily, June pulls the door shut, and DJ groans. INT. JUNE’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – LATE MORNING A group of young mothers sits in the living room. Numerous children, ranging in age from infants to pre-schoolers run through the house. Bounding down the stairs, DJ screeches to a stunned stop as he sees the women and children. The women turn to stare, and DJ makes an effort to regain his composure. DJ Good Morning…Ladies… DJ takes the last few steps in a leap and swings around the banister toward the kitchen. INT. JUNE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – LATE MORNING June fussily puts the finishing touches on a plate of gorgeous hor d’oerves. DJ bursts through the swinging door into the kitchen, stalking directly up to his mother. June smiles tightly, and hands the tray of snacks to DJ. JUNE Now, go out there and wow ‘em! DJ grips the tray, staring at his mom blankly. DJ Who are those women? DJ shakes his head in disbelief. DJ Those children? June smiles condescendingly.


JUNE Did I forget to mention that I invited a single mother’s group to meet here? June winks. JUNE They’re dying to meet you, DJ. DJ’s mouth drops open. June smirks, and presses DJ’s jaw back into place. She grits her teeth. JUNE Now, you’ll go out there, play nice, and have at least one date set up by the end of lunch… June’s eyes grow wide and demented. JUNE …Or I’ll have the moving truck here for your things so fast it’ll make your head spin! As quickly as June snapped, she returns to being Donna Reed. She takes a snack from the tray and pops it into her mouth, closing her eyes to savor it. JUNE Mmmm….It’s the cream cheese. Makes it melt in your mouth. INT. POP’S DINER – AFTERNOON The bell on the door jingles merrily, announcing the arrival of another patron. Dana looks up from her journaling to see her father, a husky man in his early fifties, with a full beard, wearing well-worn workmen’s overalls, a red t-shirt and a blue and white spotted engineer cap. His eyes light up upon meeting the gaze of his oldest daughter. The family resemblance is striking. Dana stands as he approaches the table.


DANA Hey Pa! Glad you could meet me. Pa takes his hat off, and tosses into the bench seat. PA Had to get away from your ma… He shakes his head, as if that explains everything. It does, and Dana laughs heartily. They both slip into the booth. PA After eight years, glad ya finally came to your senses. Dana holds a finger up to caution him. DANA Pa, it’s just a stunt. We’re going to be back together in a week. Pa shakes his head. PA Ya gotta be with someone more grounded. Me and yer Ma, we got married right away. Why is he refusin’ ta marry ya? Dana snorts. DANA It’s my decision too. I don’t want to get married either. Dana laughs under her breath. DANA Besides, look where you and Ma are? I don’t want that. Pa shakes his head. PA


It’s just not right. DJ’s too high-falootin’ for ya. Ya need someone who’ll marry ya, treat ya right. Dana opens her mouth to speak, but Pa keeps going. PA Ya shoulda known right away. Where’d he take ya on your first date? Dana squints, unsure of what this has to do with anything. DANA Giorgione Spigola Ristorante Pa scoffs. PA See! If tha dinner costs ya more per hour to eat than ya earn, it’s too much. Dana’s mouth drops open with disbelief. PA Say ya earn ten dollars an hour… Pa proceeds to pull out a small beat up spiral notepad and a stub of a pencil sharpened by whittling. He licks the tip of the pencil and starts calculating. PA So, ya earn ten dollars an hour. Ya buy a dinner that takes ya two hours to eat. It shouldn’t be costin’ ya more than twenty dollars. Dana bites her lip to stop a laugh. PA Why, I bet that dinner at that Georgi-Spigoli place costed at least a hundred dollars. I bet it didn’t take no 10 hours to eat either! Dana bursts out laughing. DANA I’m sorry. I can’t follow rules like that, Pa.


Pa pockets his notebook and pencil. PA What kind of fellers you datin’ now? DANA Eh. PA You aren’t datin’ another high-falootin’ college boy like DJ are ya? Dana rolls her eyes. DANA Pa, first off, I graduated from college. I’m a college girl, so it only makes sense that I’d date college guys. Pa concedes the point with a nod. DANA Second, I’m not taking this thing to seriously. I haven’t really been out on any dates. Pa’s cell phone rings. He awkwardly fishes it out of a pocket on the front of his overalls. DANA Glad to see you still have the phone I got you. How’s that workin’ out? Pa looks at the display and grunts. PA It’s yer ma. She can get me anytime now. Pa holds the phone a foot away from his head with one hand, and pokes a button on it with the other hand. Immediately a shrieking female voice shoots out. Pa stands up, grimacing. He waves pathetically at Dana as he heads for the door. INT. BLUE PLATE DINER – EVENING


DJ runs his fingers through his hair, knocking his glasses slightly askew. He straightens his glasses, getting fingerprints on them. He takes them off to wipe them, but when he pulls the napkin from the table, he knocks a glass of water over. He drops to his knees next to the table, shoveling the chips of ice back into the glass. A pair of tall black leather, spiked heel boots appear amid the scattered ice chips. MARISA Just where a man belongs. On his knees… DJ fumbles with the glass, realizing who it is. His eyes travel up, up, up Marisa’s stocking-clad legs to her short black mini-skirt. DJ gulps. A waiter approaches, and begins cleaning up the ice as DJ stumbles to his feet. He pulls back a chair for Marisa and offers to take her coat. MARISA Thank you. DJ pushes in her chair and takes a seat. Marisa stares silently at DJ, clearly in deep thought about something. MARISA Do you like to play? DJ tilts his head quizzically. DJ Play? Um… I suppose I like to play. At a nearby table, an elderly gentleman has just pulled an antique, leather-bound volume from a briefcase, and is paging through it. DJ can’t help but be highly distracted.


MARISA You know, bondage, edge-play, CBT? DJ follows the book as it changes hands. He mumbles a reply. DJ I’m up for anything once… Marisa licks her lips with delight. MARISA Are you more of a switch, sub or slave? DJ watches closely as the men page through the book, examining the cover, the spine… DJ Um…The last one I think… Marisa gasps. Her eyes sparkle with anticipation. MARISA You know, I’m not all that hungry. My place is right upstairs. Let’s go. Marisa rises, snapping DJ back to reality. DJ Where are you going? Marisa laughs. MARISA My place, come on. DJ rises, craning his neck to get a better look at the book as he follows Marisa.

INT. MARISA’S APARTMENT A small apartment, lushly and stylishly decorated in dark jewel tones. A key turns in the lock, and Marisa enters, followed by DJ.


A nude woman scuttles quickly into a darkened room off the hallway. DJ laughs nervously. DJ You can tell your roommate I didn’t see anything! Marisa stomps her foot. MARISA Becky! Come here! The nude woman scuttles back in, and drops to her knees in front of Marisa, bowing her head. BECKY Yes, Mistress! Marisa roughly grabs the woman by the hair and lifts her head to meet her eyes. MARISA You will strip our new slave, and orient him to our training room. Becky nods solemnly. BECKY Yes, Mistress! Becky takes DJ by the hand, and leads him down a short hallway. DJ looks back in desperation. DJ I think there’s been some kind of misunderstanding!

INT. BONGO VIDEO – AFTERNOON Mark juggles a tall stack of obscure videos, as he slips from behind the counter. A cheap tin bell duct-taped to the door jingles as DJ enters. He bolts toward Mark, catching the now toppling videos, averting disaster.


MARK Thanks, man! Good catch! DJ drops the armload of videos on the counter. DJ No problem! Glad to help… DJ leans over conspiratorially. DJ Dude, you wouldn’t believe what almost happened last night… A slim, dark haired girl wearing excessive black make-up and a wedding dress dyed dark purple parts the beaded curtain leading to the back room. She meets DJ’s eyes and smiles darkly as she disappears behind a shelf of videos. DJ pulls Mark as far away from her as they can go in the tiny video store. DJ (whispering) Wow…who’s she? Mark smirks. MARK Niah’s cousin Tessa. She just moved here from Chicago. DJ Dude! You’re so holding out on me! DJ sneaks around the counter, peering around racks of videos, trying to get another glimpse of Tessa.

DJ You know the kind of wackiness my mom is setting me up with, and you’re not telling me about the daughter of doom here!


Mark slips a pack of cigarettes out from behind the counter. He gestures toward the front door. MARK Join me in my office. EXT. BONGO VIDEO – AFTERNOON Mark flips open a Zippo and lights a cigarette for himself, while DJ absentminded kicks rocks by the front door. MARK Here’s how I’m going to make it up to you. Mark takes a long drag off his cig. MARK I’ll invite Tessa to come to Denny’s for a snack with you, me and Niah after we close tonight. DJ looks up from his rock kicking. MARK You text me when you and her are both there, and I’ll call her and tell her Niah and I can’t make it. DJ nods slowly. DJ Excellent plan! EXT. DENNY’S – NIGHT Tessa seductively blows smoke rings as she and DJ stand outside the restaurant waiting for Mark and Niah. DJ scuffs his heel against the curb as he text messages as casually as possible. Tessa fluffs her hair, pauses, and begins fishing around in her purse as her cell phone begins playing “Detonation Boulevard” by The Sisters of Mercy. TESSA Hello?


Tessa rolls her eyes at the excuses coming from Mark on the other end of the phone. TESSA Uh-huh….Yeah….OK…Yeah… Tell Niah I hope she feels better. Yeah… See ya tomorrow. She clicks her phone shut and slings it back into her purse. She drops her cigarette to the ground and grinds it out with the pointy toe of her black, heavily-buckled boots. TESSA Mark and Niah aren’t coming. DJ feigns surprise. DJ Oh, that’s too bad…Well, we can still get a bite. Whaddaya say? Tessa shrugs. TESSA Yeah, why not. Go on in and get us a table, I’ll be right in. DJ slips past her, entering the restaurant. Tessa watches him approach the hostess stand, and be escorted into the restaurant. Tessa slips near the building. She rustles in her purse, fishes out a glass vial, and leans behind a hedge for a moment. When she turns to enter the building, she has a broad, mischievous grin on her face.

INT. DENNY’S – NIGHT Tessa approaches DJ, who sits at a booth, studying the menu intently. Tessa, exuding boredom, plops into the booth across from him. DJ Got us a seat in smoking…


Tessa raises an eyebrow, and speaks sarcastically. TESSA NO?!? The ashtray didn’t give it away. Tessa sneers at the ashtray, already full, sitting on their table. Effortlessly, she swipes it to the edge of the table, and off onto the carpet. TESSA Maybe now they’ll remember to change them between customers. DJ is mortified by Tessa’s behavior. Before he can slip out of the booth to pick up the ashtray and scattered butts, a waitress approaches with a broom and dustpan and begins sweeping up the mess. A second waitress approaches to take their order. TESSA We’ll need a clean ashtray. I’ll have a bread bowl salad, a raspberry iced tea, and whatever he’s having. Tessa’s eyes bore into DJ. TESSA Dinner’s on me. DJ mumbles to the waitress, dumbfounded by Tessa’s behavior. DJ Um…Hamberger, well-done, extra mayo… And a Coke… The waitress dutifully jots down their order, and turns on her heel to deliver it to the kitchen. TESSA I find the ruder you are, the faster you get your food, because they want you out. Tessa flicks open a sliver cigarette case, and slips out a long, very feminine cigarette.


She holds it in her hand, her head tilted slightly, until DJ gets the hint, picks up her Zippo and lights the cigarette for her. DJ speaks, stuttered a bit, confused and flustered by the whole situation. DJ It’s…um…nice…of you to pick up dinner… Tessa snickers menacingly. TESSA Oh, it’s nothing. The waitress appears again, balancing a tray with their food, before Tessa has finished her first cigarette. TESSA See, I told you. The waitress silently places the plates one at a time on the table. She leaves the check too. DJ reaches for his burger, picks it up and takes a big bite. Tessa digs through her purse, which is on the bench next to her. She triumphantly pulls a small glass vial, containing a large spider. DJ gulps down his bite of burger. DJ What the hell is that!? Not answering, Tessa unscrews the lid of the vial, and tips the spider into the salad. She fluffs the lettuce around it a bit, before stabbing a fork-full. She releases a blood-curdling scream, causing customers to turn, and their waitress to run back to them. Once she’s got the full attention of the entire restaurant, Tessa screams angrily. TESSA There’s a spider in my salad!


She violently shoves the salad off the table, spilling lettuce everywhere, and revealing the spider skittering away across the floor. Other patrons gasp, and scream. TESSA Get your manager over here, now! Hearing the ruckus, the manager, a tubby, rather dumpy woman with stringy hair hustles over. MANAGER What seems to be the problem here? Shouting even louder… TESSA There was a spider in my salad! This place is a joke! The manager cringes as Tessa shouts. She hisses at her. MANAGER For God’s sake, keep your voice down. Tessa rises, standing face to face with the manager. TESSA I’m disgusted! I don’t expect to pay for this! I want you to get me a new salad… Tessa raises her voice again. TESSA …without any bugs in it! And… She gestures at the paralyzed and mortified DJ. TESSA …box his food up for him. EXT. DENNY’S – NIGHT


DJ stumbles confused and flustered from the restaurant, carrying a stack of white carry-out boxes, nodding at the manager who continues to apologize for the bug in the salad. Tessa struts haughtily ahead of him, headed for her car. The cool night air snaps DJ back to reality. DJ What the hell was that? Tess turns around, now walking backwards. TESSA Free dinner. She turns around again, approaches her car, and unlocks it. She looks impatiently at DJ, and speaks sarcastically to him. TESSA Would love to stay and hang out… She opens her car door, and holds her hands out to receive her take-out boxes. TESSA …but I’ve really got better things to do. She tosses the boxes on the passenger seat and gets into the car. She revs the engine and takes off. DJ watches her drive to the end of the parking lot, turn, and drive back. She rolls down her window, and hands him one of the take-out boxes. TESSA Here’s your burger, dipwad. I’m a vegetarian. Without waiting for a reply, she takes off again, leaving DJ standing alone in the parking lot. INT. VICKI LYNN’S BATHROOM – MORNING Dana fiddles with the spigot, as she stands nude inside the shower. She turns the handle back and forth a couple times,


and when she hears the water flowing peers inquisitively at the showerhead, waiting for water. DANA Come on… Suddenly, the showerhead itself shoots off, being pushed by the pressure of the water. It hits Dana square in the eye. DANA OWWWWW! She immediately turns from the shower spray, hunched over, holding her hands over her quickly bruising eye. The jet of hot water sprays against her backside, burning her. DANA Oh shit! She jumps forward, trying to avoid the spray, still pressing her hand against her eye. She loses her balance, and tips against the shower curtain. She scrambles for purchase, winding her body against the curtain, ripping it from its rod. She collapses in a sopping wet pile on the floor. Vicki Lynn bursts into the bathroom, barely awake, but clearly jazzed by the noise. VICKI LYNN What’s going on? Are you ok? Looking around at the insane mess, Vicki Lynn’s mouth drops open. VICKI LYNN What the hell have you done to my bathroom!? INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – AFTERNOON The sound of a Scott Joplin rag emanates from under the blankets on DJ’s bed. Moving with surprising speed, DJ


moves like a lab rat through the maze of stacks of books and boxes. Reaching the bed, he flops on top of it like a teenage girl, and fishes the phone out from under the blankets. DJ Hey Dana! SPLIT SCREEN WITH EXT. BOLLER PARK - AFTERNOON Dana sits on a park bench throwing popcorn to ducks that have crowded at her feet. DANA Hey there Deej! Did the ragtime music have you running for the phone? DJ Damn straight! Only the best for you, babe! DJ rolls over on the bed, hanging his head off one side, and gazing absentmindedly out the window. DJ So, what’s up? Dana throws another handful of popcorn to the frantic flock of birds. DANA Well, it’s nearing the end of your little experiment… DJ Thank goodness! Dana snickers. DANA You’re dates have been that good, huh? Tell me I’m at least invited to the wedding? DJ groans. DJ


Dana, this week has really reminded me what an amazing woman you are. Dana blushes and bites her lip, clearly flattered, but speaks in a teasing tone of voice. DANA I certainly hope so! Dana throws the last handful of popcorn, and rises, parting the sea of birds to walk toward a small stream. DANA Seriously though…I didn’t think I needed reminding,but I did. You really are the perfect partner for me. DJ sits up, cocking his head to one side. DJ So, you had a doozy of a date too? Dana picks up a small rock, and tosses it into the stream. DANA Definitely some weird stuff…Mick from work… Just craziness…Nothing compared to yours, I’m sure. DJ lays back down on the bed, fluffing a pillow up behind his head. DJ Total insanity. I ended up at this dominatrix’s house, and this other girl put a spider in her salad, and my mom put an ad in the paper… Dana laughs, slapping her thigh in hysterics. DANA I totally saw that! She quotes the ad. DANA “Marriage-minded women wanted…”


She turns and starts strolling back toward her car. DANA I meant to call you and razz you about that. I cut it out and framed it. It’s so going up when we get back to our apartment. DJ shakes his head. DJ Please don’t. I could have killed my mom for that. DJ pauses. DJ She did get a lot of responses though. So, if you aren’t totally grateful to have me back, there are a lot of “marriage-minded” women out there. Dana snickers, meandering past the herd of birds, now assaulting an older woman with a sack of Wonder Bread. DANA I’m just on lunch from work, but was wondering when you wanted to get together to ‘debrief’ and end this. DJ stands and begins moving books from one stack to another, still talking, the phone propped between his shoulder and head. DJ I’m sure my mom has someone lined up for me tonight. Dana unlocks her car, and slips in, pulling the door shut. DANA Yeah, one of the guys at work wants to hook me up with his new neighbor for lunch tomorrow. Dana speaks in a cutesy-seductive voice. DANA It’ll be my first date with a woman.


DJ freezes, holding a stack in mid-air. DJ Ooh…We didn’t talk about that possibility when we set this up. DANA What’s any different about me dating a woman than me dating a man? DJ sets the stack down and paces in the small area available. This basically has him turning in circles. DJ Well, being a… DJ pauses. DJ ..confirmed heterosexual man... Well… Women are hot! A woman might actually be a threat to us getting back together after this is all over! Dana shakes her head. DANA Look, it’ll probably be just as much of a success as all our hetero dates have been. Don’t worry about it. Dana glances at the clock in her car. DANA It’s getting late, I’ve got to get back to the office. I’ll see you tomorrow night. She smirks and speaks sarcastically. DANA Good luck on your date tonight! INT. JUNE’S KITCHEN – EVENING


The lock turns, and the door swings in, filling the kitchen with the melodious giggles of June and BETH. June enters first, holding the door open with her foot as she juggles paper grocery sacks as well as her purse and keys. Beth enters, carrying more groceries. JUNE Just set those down anywhere… June sets her bags on the counter, and shuts the door. JUNE Please don’t think me a terrible hostess, having you help bring in the groceries. I really appreciate your help! June grins mischeviously, her back still to Beth. JUNE Besides, I’m glad you’re here early. It’ll give you and DJ a chance to catch up. BETH I still can’t believe you recognized and remembered me after all these years. I swear you only met me the one time. JUNE Yes, but DJ spoke of you often. June peeks her head out to the living room. JUNE Speaking of DJ, I think he’s home. Why don’t you go up and see him. His room is the first door on the right at the top of the stairs. INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DJ’S BEDROOM – EVENING Beth pauses, listening to the loud classical music coming from behind the first door. Smiling in anticipation, she knocks. INT. DJ’S BEDROOM – EVENING


DJ grits his teeth as he hears the knock at the door. He rises from the beanbag chair in front of the stereo and stalks toward the door. DJ Mom, you know I don’t like to be interrupted when I’m listening to… He gets to the door and whips it open. DJ …Beth? DJ faints. POV: DJ sees the ceiling slowly appearing from the darkness, a face, blurry hovers over his. DJ Angels… Beth kneels next to DJ in the crowded bedroom, shaking him at the shoulders. BETH DJ! Are you ok? Can you hear me? DJ scrunches his eyes shut, and then opens them again. He shakes his head. DJ Beth? How did you get here? Beth brushes DJ’s hair from his forehead. BETH Your mom ran into me at the grocery store and invited me over for dinner. DJ opens his eyes wide. DJ There’s grocery stores in heaven? Beth leans in close. BETH


DJ, you aren’t dead. You just fainted. DJ sits up suddenly. BETH Don’t move so quickly, you don’t want to faint again. Beth helps DJ to his feet, and leads him to the bed. She guides DJ to lay down, and sits on the bed next to him. BETH Your mom invited me over for dinner, so the two of us could catch up. She looks at him nervously. BETH If you’re uncomfortable with that, I can tell her I can’t stay. DJ grabs her wrist, and then embarrassed, releases it. DJ No. Stay. DJ tries to dismiss the tension. DJ We’re both adults. We can have a polite dinner together…free of any… DJ shakes his head dementedly. DJ …uncontrollable lust and unfulfilled teenage desire! Beth cracks up at DJ. DJ You thought I was joking around…but you don’t know what you did to me as a teenage boy! Beth snickers. She rises and begins wandering through the cramped room.


BETH Hmmm…Looks like you still like books… Beth gestures to the blaring stereo. BETH And classical music. DJ suddenly realizes how loud the music is, and jumps off the bed, leaning precariously over a teetering stack of books to turn it down. He turns to face Beth, and in a fake debonair French accent… DJ And you, my darling demitasse, are the same glorious gothic beauty you were in high school. Beth blushes, and turns from DJ. She spots their senior yearbook among the books and picks it up. BETH We’ll see about that… She flips it open, and begins paging through it. Under her breath… BETH …hmmm…Juniors, Seniors…here we are! In slow motion, DJ dives toward Beth, desperate to stop her from turning the page. DJ NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Too late. Beth flips the page, and there, in glorious color, is her Senior picture. Pale white face, dried blood colored lips, and jet black hair. Surrounded by hundreds of hearts drawn in with marker. BETH Oh. My. God. Beth slaps the yearbook shut. DJ flops to the floor in defeat.


BETH I can’t believe I thought I looked good with hair like Robert Smith. DJ looks up with hope in his eyes. EXT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON LIZ puts the car in park, and looks to Dana. LIZ I had a really great time tonight. A sparkle lights in Dana’s eyes. DANA Me too. You know, this is the first real ‘date’ I’ve had with a woman… Liz blushes. LIZ Honestly…Me too. DANA I wasn’t sure how it would work out… Dana and Liz blush, bite their lips nervously, then lean in toward each other, at first with some uncertainty, and then more deliberately. Their lips meet. INT. VICKI LYNN’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON Vicki Lynn rolls away from the blaring television to peek out the window at the sound of the car turning off. Squinting, she’s able to make out Dana, and another woman inside the car. The other woman is leaning against Dana, their mouths pressed together… Vicki Lynn twitches in confusion, and flailing, rolls off the couch onto the floor. She crawls to the door, pulls herself up, and flinging the door open, races to the car.


She throws herself against the car, pounding on the windshield. VICKI LYNN She’s mah sister! If she needs CPR, I’ll do it! I’ll save mah sister! INT. LIZ’S CAR - AFTERNOON Startled by sound of Vicki Lynn’s body hitting the car, Liz and Dana pull apart. Liz screams. Dana, stunned for a moment, recognizes Vicki, and starts laughing. EXT. LIZ’S CAR – AFTERNOON The passenger side door opens, and Dana, laughing so hard she’s silent for lack of breath, flops out of the car and onto the grass. She gets a breath of air, and shrieks with hysterics. Liz bolts from the car, still energized by her fright, and hearing Dana laughing, relaxes. Vicki Lynn drops to her knees next to Dana. VICKI LYNN I’ll save yah! Realization begins sinking in for Liz, and she starts laughing. Hearing Liz’s building giggles, Dana flails on the ground, completely overcome by hysterics. VICKI LYNN Dana! Yer alive! Gasping, barely able to talk. DANA I…was…kissing her!


Vicki Lynn stares down at Dana in disbelief. Dana continues to gasp for breath. DANA We…were on…a date! Vicki Lynn looks up at Liz. She nods in confirmation, stifling giggles. VICKI LYNN You like women? Dana begins to pull herself together, and sits up. DANA Why do you think I had pictures of Kate Pierson on the walls when you had pictures of Christian Slater. Vicki Lynn scrunches her face up. VICKI LYNN I just thought you liked her weird clothes… Dana grins. DANA Well, that too… Vicki Lynn leans in conspiratorially. VICKI LYNN What about… She whispers. VICKI LYNN …men? Dana stands up and brushes herself off. She gestures toward Liz. DANA Vicki Lynn, this is Liz. Liz, this is my sister, Vicki Lynn. Vicki, Liz knows I’m bi. She’s bi too. We both sleep with men, and women.


A somewhat sickly tight smile appears on Vicki Lynn’s face. VICKI LYNN Urrr… Good to meet you. So… She turns on her heel and waddles quickly toward the house. VICKI LYNN Who wants a beer? INT. POP’S DINER – EVENING Shreds of paper flutter to the table as DJ nervously twists and tears the napkin. He alternately glances anxiously to the door and his watch. Dana pushes through the door, her head down, as she fishes in her purse for her ringing cell phone. On his feet at the sight of her, DJ freezes next to the table, staring in awe. Dana triumphantly pulls the cell phone out, just in time to hear it stop ringing. Defeated, she drops it back into her purse. Glancing up, her eyes meet DJ’s, and immediately brighten. Almost skipping, she runs into DJ’s arms, and hugs him tight. After moments holding each other, they drop into the waiting booth. DANA It’s so good to see you again! DJ I know! I…I didn’t realize how much I’d miss you this week. DANA I saw so many things, and I was like “If DJ were here…” DJ I did the same thing…I really have missed you.


A light tinkling announces another customer entering the diner. It’s Beth. DJ I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back. DJ hastily rises and rushes to meet Beth near the end of the counter, out of sight of Dana. DJ Beth! What are you doing here? BETH I’m coming in for a soda. The way you were bragging about it the other day, I had to check it out. DJ Oh. It’s not that great, maybe the 7-11 up the street would be a better bet. BETH I kind of doubt it. DJ Could we talk? Outside? EXT. POP’S DINER – EVENING DJ and Beth huddle just outside the door, at the top of the stairs. BETH Actually DJ, there’s something I needed to talk with you about too… DJ Um…Could I go first? I think what I have to say might change what you say… Beth nods. DJ Beth, I was so amazed when you came over the other night. I never thought we’d get the chance to talk with each other, and…and it’s something I’d thought about since high school.


DJ refocuses his courage. DJ But high school was a long time ago, and I’ve got to be honest with you. For the last eight years I’ve been with the woman of my dreams. We had separated briefly, but now I know we’re meant to be. BETH Wow. I don’t know what to say. DJ I really didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I hope you don’t feel like I lead you on or anything. BETH Not at all. I’m relieved! DJ You are? BETH DJ, a lot has changed for me in the last eight years as well. Things you, and your mom don’t know about me. DJ You know you can tell me anything. BETH I know I can, that’s the only reason I’m able to share this with you. I’m not open about this with many people, especially people from high school. DJ You can count on me. Nothing you could tell me would change how much you mean to me. BETH I’m exploring my sexuality. I’m bisexual. I’m really not interested in a traditional relationship. That’s what I needed to tell you.


DJ That’s all?! That’s so no big deal! The girlfriend I was telling you about, she’s bi too. I’ve always been really comfortable with that. BETH She’s a lucky woman to have someone so open and supportive like you. DJ I’m the lucky one. She indulges my flights of fancy,like separating for a week over a joke. She’s the most open-minded, loving, beautiful woman. BETH I’m so happy for you! I just started dating a woman like that too. I mean, we’ve only been on one date, so I know we really don’t know much about each other, but she seems really amazing. DJ I’m really happy to hear that! I’m rooting for you! I hope everything goes exactly as you want it to! DJ and Beth embrace, all the tension and stress leaving their bodies. DJ I’m so glad my mom invited you over. And we’ve gotten to know each other as adults like this.

BETH Me too. Whew…It’s a little cold out here. I’m going to run in and grab that soda, and I’ve got to get going. I definitely want to keep in touch though! DJ I wouldn’t have it any other way!


INT. POP’S DINER – EVENING DJ and Beth slip through the door together. They share another hug, and Beth heads to the counter to get her soda. The bathroom sign catches DJ’s eye, and he slips into the rest room. Beth orders her soda, and turns, leaning her back against the counter, looking around the restaurant. She sees Dana sitting alone at a booth. BETH Dana! Beth waves, and when Dana looks up and smiles, Beth approaches her. DANA Liz! What are you doing here? BETH I just heard about this place the other day from a friend of mine, and I had to come here and check it out. DANA That’s cool! A friend of mine told me about it years ago, and I’ve been coming here ever since. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed. BETH Yeah, I ordered the cherry vanilla custard float. DANA Ooooh. That is so the best! It’s what I get every time! Dana offers Beth a sip of her drink. Beth leans in, and holding eye contact with Dana suggestively, takes the straw between her lips. Dana winks suggestively back at Beth.


DJ rushes around the corner running his hands through his hair. He stops in his tracks as he takes in the sight of Beth and Dana together giggling. Beth’s words echo in DJ’s mind. BETH I just started dating a woman like that too. I mean, we’ve only been on one date, so I know we really don’t know much about each other, but she seems really amazing. DJ gasps, choking on the realization. The waitress behind the counter calls Beth’s take out order. Both Beth and Dana look up, and see DJ standing paralyzed with shock. DANA and BETH (together) DJ? DJ shakes his head, and bolts through the door into the night. Dana and Beth look to each other for an explanation. DANA You know DJ? BETH Yes, we went to high school together. We just met up again for the first time in years. He’s the one that told me about this place. DANA He and I dated for years, and this last week we… Beth, sit down for a second. BETH I think I know what you’re going to say… DANA We took a week off from each other as a stunt. I didn’t know you and I would hit it off so well. I’ve got to be frank with you. I’m so attracted to you, but I am truly in love with DJ. He’s got


his quirks… BETH …but you love him. He loves you too. His mom fixed us up during your week off. We really hit it off after all these years. I would have continued it with him…I just told him outside how I wanted to keep dating you. And he just told me outside how he wanted to keep dating you. Dana, you both feel the same way, you’ve got to go after him. EXT. STATE ST. – EVENING DJ stalks up the street, furious at himself. DJ Of course. The two most perfect women in the the world, and they fall for each other. I’d be angrier, but I can’t even blame them. They make one hell of a couple. DJ slows as he comes up under a street lamp. It’s Dana’s car. DJ reaches a hand out, and traces it slowly up the hood of the car. He gazes forlornly at the car. Inside, on the passenger seat lays a book. The glint of the gold leaf text catches DJ’s eye. It reads “The Sun Also Sets”. It’s the rare Hemingway book from Mr. Claremont’s shop. DJ You were the anonymous buyer. DJ stands, throws his shoulders back with a newfound energy. DJ Dana, I love you. I’ll do whatever it takes to win you back. DJ breaks into a sprint, racing back towards Pop’s. INT. POP’S DINER – EVENING The door blasts open, knocking a waitress backwards, spilling food and dishes across the floor. DJ explodes into Pop’s, seizing the attention of all the patrons, including Dana and Beth.


DJ Dana! Dana runs to DJ ecstatically, hugging him tightly. DANA DJ! I’m so glad you came back, we were just about to go after you! DJ Dana, I love you. I’ve loved you like mad for eight years now, and this week has made me realize what a fool I was for even suggesting we take time off. DANA Liz and I were talking - DJ Please hear me out, I will do whatever it takes to earn your love back. DANA DJ, you never lost it. I wasn’t taking this stunt too seriously, but when I met Liz, she really turned my head. DJ I can understand that. I’ve had a crush on Beth as long as I can remember. I know you don’t have much reason to choose me. Hell, if I were you I’d choose her over me! DANA DJ, Liz and I were talking… Liz moves closer to DJ and Dana, speaking in a low voice. LIZ …maybe no one has to choose. INT. DJ and DANA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT The floor is littered with a trail of clothing. A shoe, a shirt, a skirt, a pair of jeans pave a vague path to the


bedroom. The door is closed, and cacophony of giggles, squeals and surprised moans are heard from behind the door. FADE TO BLACK

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