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Morons Guide to Oxymorons

SOPHOCLES: Short Saying Often Contains Much Wisdom

As told by Oxy to Barry J. Lipson


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Preface To Volume 2 of 3 (G-N)


Howdy Dowdy diddle um-day,1 folks Im Oxy, not Peter, Paul & Marys playful little Leatherwing
Bat, but a Sharp (OXY) & Dull (MORON) bovine eater of hay, and slurpper (not author) of all
chewy concepts that have a devilish tang of contradiction, conflict, inconsistency, incongruity, irony,
Double Entendre &/or opinion. Indeed Oxymora are mighty magnets for dastardly
disagreements, words & phrases with internal/external contradictions! But beware, I find, the
mightier the quip, the tastier the slurp! As my bully scribe, the self-professed aspiring Smith of
Words, Barry, the Jay of the Lipson clan, has written in his OxyMorons, Ho! Ho!
(http://www.scribd.com/doc/34834908/OxyMorons-Ho-Ho-by-Barry-J-Lipson-A-Corplaw-Commentary):

I have always liked the word oxymoron, a word which according to Webster could describe the
results of the combination of oxygen and stupidity; or a man endowed by his Creator with
emasculated bovine feeblemindedness; or the combining of contradictory or incongruous words.
Stated otherwise, an oxymoron is "the product of an oxygen crazed bovinic moron's combination of
words, or, more succinctly, feebleminded hot air. Military Intelligence, in popular punning
parlance, is considered to be a prime example of an oxymoron. Another prime example would be
Jumbo Shrimp [what of Jambalied Shrimp?].
Perchance you noted from my cover photo that to vary my diet of words & vegetation, I also slurp the
occasional hamburger. Please dont be shocked! It is not like you eating long pig. I eat only
HAMburgers, not BEEFburgers or OXburgers, or so I believe, though your euphemizing of long
pig does give me a moments pause. Does the English language make me an unintentional cannibal?
No! My intent is just to figuratively sharply & dully cannibalize English by slurping in & spitting
out prime tasty tidbits, at times chewed down, paraphrased and/or edited for fit, flow or
flabbergastation, for: "What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it [Dr. Who]?
This Guide contains an extensive listing of the Oxymorons, Double Entendres, One-Liners &
SUCH, slurped up by me over the years. As up to date as Slurpee Summit and Toxic Assets; as
classically classy as Military Intelligence; as misguided as Mission Accomplished; and as
Double Entendrey as Killer Pussy. And now were Fashionably Oxymoronic? I dare say,

oxymorons & such contain wisdom to ruminate on, and to live, laugh and cry by!
Thus, there are such as Isaac Bashevis Singer's universal revelation: "We must believe in free will, we
have no choice." Clara Barton's realization: "I can distinctly remember forgetting that." Woody
Allen's retrospective: "The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small." And then Sarah
Palin: "'Refudiate,2 misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language, she states
correctly, Shakespeare liked to coin new words too [but intentionally]. Gotta celebrate it!'"
Now, now, I, Oxy, do not stand hostage for the quality, obviousness, quip-free nature or actual
scholarly classifications of the listed items. Thats yours to chew through and muddle over. Some may
be shown here to showcase others and/or for completeness. Enjoy! And please forgive any
imbalances in oxymorons with sexual or worldly innuendos. But, unlike you and my scribe, as a
eunuchized Ox, not provided with a harem to guard and/or udders to suck and chat up, I know little
of such matters. Perhaps, that is why I find words, instead of cows, so TITillating, so sexy . . . . Butt
enough B.S. (or is that O.S.?)! Lets sink our teeth into this moronic meat loaf and get to the
jugular of the matter, so all of my vain slurping shall not have been in, or miss the, vein! Now
onward to explore Volume 2 of 3 (G-N)
From Peter, Paul and Marys Leatherwing Bat, whose "500 Miles" has been identified as being taken from an old Rosh
Hashanah Areshes Sifaseinu Litvish niggun, [Lithuanian Jews religious humming tune], "an oxymoron.
2
Palins Refudiate: Oxford American Dictionary's Word of the Year for 2010 So, yes, you can still coin new words!
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1

Morons Guide to Oxymorons

GAAP Big Enough To Drive A Truck Though


Gabby Stillman
Gatorade For Frogs Stymies Fungal Killer [A Chytridiomycoside]
Gaijin Or Gaikokujin, Any Non-Japanese Person
Gain Reduction
Gal Tries To Get All She Can Out Of A Guy, Who Tries To Get All He Can Into her
Gal Wants One Guy To Meet Her Every Need, Guy Wants Every Gal To Meet His One Need
Gal Who Goes To Man's Pad For Snack, Gets Tidbit/Titbit
Galena Tanner [Presidential Candidate Ulysses S. Grant]
Gall Stones, Kidney Stones, Bladder Stones, Tonsil Stones Welcome Back To The Stone Age!
Gals Inspires Us To Great Things & Prevents Us From Achieving Them [Dumas - 'Dumb-Ass']
Gallinaceous Bird
Gallons Of Dehydrated Water
Gallons Of Jet Wash
Galloping Gourmet
Gambler Left Shetland Islands Following The Ponies
Gambling Is The Sure Way Of Getting Nothing For Something
Game Changer
Game Is To Let Other Guy Have The Little Tats & Keep The Big Tits For Yourself
Game Of Love Is Never Called Off On Account Of Darkness
Games You Can Play With Your Pussy & Other Stuff For Cat Owners [Alterman & Riskin]
Gander That
Gandhi, Sir, What Do You Think Of Western Civilization? - I Think its A Good Idea
Gandhi, The Super-Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis
Gang, An Association Of Criminals, Gangsters Who May Form Gangdoms In Ganglands
Gang, As In That Old Gang Of Mine, Then Minors & Three-Time Harmonists
Gang, As In That Old Gang Of Mine, Doing Sweet Adeline Again & Again In Sweet Harmony
Gang, As In That Old Gang Of Mine, Mindlessly Mining An Unminded Mined-Out Mine
Gang Of One
Gang Of Six, A Bipartisan Group Of Cooperating Federal Legislators
Gang Of Six Or The Justice League To The Rescue!
Gang Of Two
Gangbang, As In That Old Gang Of Mine, Doing Sweat Adeline Again & Again In Harmony
Gangbangee,
One Raped In A Gang Banging Situation, Four Men On Her; An Orgy Target
Gangbanger, A Gangs Or Gangsters Hoe
Gangbanger, A McDouble From McDonalds With A Jr. Chicken Patty In The Middle
Gangbanger, One Who Bangs Gangs? No, A Gang Groupie Raping Gals & The Public In Concert
Gangbangers, Criminals, People Who Are Hurting The Community Are Folks To Go After [Obama]
Gangbangers, Individually Powerless Individuals Who Gang Together To Bully, Rob & Murder
Gangbusters, Ghostbusters Of Living Gangsters & Their Gangdoms & Ganglands
Gaping Hole
3

Gapology
Garage Apartment
Garage Sale Sign Has Lost Letter b Garbage Sale
Garbage Art
Garbage Disposals Here Probably Eat Better Than Many People In Other Countries
Gardener Needs A Good Sense Of Humus
Gardener? No, Im A Plant Manager
Gardeners Always Know The Ground Rules
Gargantuan Lilliputian
Garlick Maketh A Man Wynke, Drynke & Stynke [Thomas Nash]
Garlic's Odor Is Known By Everyone 'Save He Who Has Eaten It' [George Ellwanger]
Gash Rash
Gasoline With Carrot Juice, You Get Beta Mileage
Gassed & Out Cold [Enemy Soldiers]
Gassed & Ready To Go [The Sherman Tank & Its Drunk Driver]
Gassed - Drained Of Energy
Gassed Off [The Blowhard]
Gastro-Athletes Eat Hotdogs By The Kennel
Gastro-Athletes Of Coney Island Make Theirs Coneys
Gastro-Athletes Wolf Down Hotdogs By The Pack
Gastronomic Joylessness - Porridge Fills Brit Up & Prunes Clear Him Out [E. M. Forster]
Gastropub - Good Food & Good Drink
Gates Are Down & Lights Are Flashing, But Train's Not Coming
Gateway
Gator Hammock Gator Sauce, Frelda, Florida For The Gator You Got Before It Got You!
Gave My Son A Hint, On His Room Door I Posted: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18
Gave Up Violin For Computer, Can't See Naked Pictures Of Girls On A Violin [Leverage 3.4]
Gavel To Gavel
Gay Australian Left His Wife & Returned To Sydney
Gay Christians
Gay Conservative Is An Oxymoron [Star Parker]
Gay-Cut Hair Salon [Bangkok, Thailand]
Gay Devil
Gay Drill Sergeant
Gay Gayal [Oxys Kissin Cousin]
Gay Guy With Diarrhea Is A 'Juicy Fruit'!
Gay - High-Spirited, Cheerful & Given To Social Pleasures - He Led A Gay Bohemian Life
Gay - Homosexual - He Led A Gay Bohemian Life
Gay Men Dont Have Lez Fun!
Gay Man In Chinese Restaurant Ordered Sum Yung Guy
Gay Marriage
Gay Marriage Ok'ed So Long As Both Are Gay & One & Only One Is A Lesbian
Gay Marriage, Shouldnt All Marriages Be Gay - Even Between A Man & A Woman?
Gay Nineties [1890s]
Gay Nineties, Old Timers Have All The Fun!
Gay Nineties Yes, But What About The Gay Twenties, Thirties & Forties?
4

Gay Old Time


Gay Pride
Gay Pride Rainbow Oreo So Unappetizing Id Rather Put A Dick In My Mouth [Bill Mahr]
Gay Priests
Gay Republican, Oxymoron Or Just Moron?
Gay Rights
Gay Southerner Is A 'Homo-Sex-Y'all'
Gay Time
Gay Undertaker
Gay Women Have Lez Fun!
Gays in Roanoke Recover After Slaying [AP]
Geek Chic
Geek Squad
Geh Tren Zich [Go Screw Yourself]
Gelatinous Mass
Gelatology Is The Scientific Study Of The Irrational, To Wit, Laughter
Gelotophobia - Ha Ha, A Funny One, Fear Of Being Laughed At!
Gelt, Yiddish For Money; As In Hanukkah Gelt, Real Or Edible Coins Gifted To Kids Then
Gene Gendarmes: You, There! Get Out Of Pool!
Gene Gendarmes: You, There In Jeans! Get Out Of Pool!
Gene Pool Has Little Swimmers
Gene Pool Has No Lifeguard
Gene Therapy
Genealogy: Chasing Your Own Tale
General Failure
General Failure Has Had More Notoriety Than All Other Generals Combined
General Mum [William Henry Harrison]
General Petraeus Did He Betray Us? [CIA Chief Did His Lady Biographer]
General Petraeus, Ex-CIA Chief, Gets F-Minus On E-Mailing
General Specific Plan [Romney On Immigration]
General Store Wouldn't Sell Me Anything Specific [Steven Wright]
General Target
Generalist Learns Less & Less About More & More Until Nothing is Know About Everything
Generalizedness Of Incompetence Is Directly Proportional To Highestness In Hierarchy
Generation Of Random Numbers Is Too Important To Be Left To Chance
Generation Which Ignores History Has No Past & No Future [Robert A. Heinlein]
Generous Deficit
Generous Employer
Genetic Abnormality
Genetics Explains Why You Look Like Your Father & If You Don't, Why You Should
Genghis Khan Way Of Managing A Dental Practice Help! [Michael. R Young]
Genghis Khan Waylaid & Had Murdered 40 Million, Leaving A Mountain Of Skulls In China
Genghis Khan Wayward Greenest Invader By Fertilizing & Returning Ex- Farms To Forests
Genie Can't Be Pushed Back Into The Bottle
Geniecologist: Dad Getting Me To A Geniecologist To See If Im A Virgin Or Not' [Kirsti2014]
Geniecologist Hymen Gynne Performed Virginity Restoration Surgery
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Geniecologist Put Genie Back In Bottle


Geniecologists Refloration Went Bloody Well, It Went Undicktected
Genie's Brain Coupled With Child's Eyes Would Create A True Genius
Genietalia Function Like Genie's Lamp, Just Rub For Miraculous Release
Genietalia Genetics Ingeniously Generate Genuine Genius Genitures By Jolly Jainist Genitors
Genital Genius
Genital Personality
Genital Phase
Genital Stage
Genital Torture
Genitive Case
Genitive Endings
Genius Does What It Must, Talent Does What It Can [Owen Meredith]
Genius Is An Infinite Capacity For Taking Pains
Genius Is One Percent Inspiration & Ninety-Nine Percent Perspiration [Thomas A. Edison]
Genius Is One Who Can Do Anything Except Make A Living [Joey Adams]
Genius Is Perseverance In Disguise [Mike Newlin]
Genius Is Ten Percent Inspiration & Fifty Percent Capital Gains
Genius' Job Is To Pose New Questions, Not Give New Answers
Genius May Have Its Limitations, But Stupidity Is Limitless!
Genius May Have Its Limitations, But Stupidity Is Not Thus Handicapped! [Elbert Hubbard]
Gentile Christians
Gentile Contempt
Gentile Gentility
Gentile Gentry
Gentile Hindu
Gentile Jews
Gentile Mormon
Gentiles By Definition Are All Non-Jewish People, Christians, Heathens, Infidels, Pagans, Etc.
Gentiles By Self-Definition Of Mormons, Are All Non-Mormons Including Christians
Gentiles By Self-Definition Of Non-Jewish Groups, Are Christians, Hindus Or Mormons
Gentiles By Self-Definition Of Non-Jews Are Persons Not A Member Of Their Religion
Gentiles By Self-Definition Of Non-Jews Are Persons Who Dont Acknowledge Their God
Gentle Contempt [G. K. Chesterton]
Gentle Gentiles
Gentle Madness [Nicholas A. Basbanes]
Gentle Piranha
Gentle Turbulence
Gentle With The Genitals
Gentleman Bandit
Gentleman Boss [Chester A. Arthur]
Gentlemen, Include Me Out [Samuel Goldwyn]
Gentleman Is A Man Who Can Play The Accordion But Doesnt
Gentleman Is Simply A Patient Wolf
Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden, The Origin Of The Word & Game GOLF
Gentleman Pirates
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Gentleman Thief
Gentleman Will Not Insult Me & No Man Not A Gentleman Can Insult Me
Gentleman's Agreement
Gentleman's Club
Gentleman's Duel
Genuine Fake
Genuine Fake Watches
Genuine Faux Watches
Genuine Forgery
Genuine Illusion
Genuine Imitation
Genuine Imitation Leather
Genuine Imitation Naughahide
Genuine Journalist
Genuine Plastic
Genuine Replica
Genuine Veneer
Genuinely Bogus [Christopher Hassall]
Genuinely Fake
Genius Is One Percent Inspiration, Ninety-Nine Percent Perspiration [Thomas Edison]
Geocaching - Treasure Hunt Via Global Positioning System To Locate The Cache
Geometrically Progressive Silence
Geometry Holds Clues For The Meaning Of Life, Look & You Will See The Sines
Geometry Teacher Who Lost Parrot Had Polygon
George Clooney-Like: Swingle, Good-Looking & Dabbling In Indie Pics. Check & Check
George Edward & Edward George Claimed No Female Side At Their Gay Nuptials
George The First, NOT [George Washington]
George 'The Gipper' Gipp
George W. Bush, First US President Who Thought He Spoke Spanish [Jorge Ramos]
George Washington's Brother Sam Was The Uncle Of Our Country [Samuel Walter 1734-81]
George Ws Bush
Georgia Peach, Biting Through The Flannel Brings Tears To Your Eyes [Melissa Fay Greene]
Georgia Peach Lying Under Peach Tree, Her Flannel Pierced & She Pitted, Felt Peachy
Gephyrophobia - Fear Of Bridges & Perhaps Even Bridge Builders
Gerascophobia & Gerontophobia - Fear Of Growing Old, Aging & Latter Also Of Elderly
German-Chinese Food Is Delicious But In An Hour 'You're Hungry For Power' [Dick Cavett]
Germany Solves Its Energy Crisis - Burns Greece!
Gerrymander
Get A New Car For Your Spouse, It'll Be A Great Trade
Get Even, If A Man Steals Your Wife Let Him Keep Her
Get Knotted
Get Off My Case, Toilet Face! [Welcome Back, Kotter]
Get Off The Cook Stove, Grandpa, You're Too Old To Ride The Range
Get Out Of Debt Free
Get Out Of Debt-Free
Get Out Of Dodge
7

Get Really Stoned , Drink Wet Cement!


Get Receipts For Your Good Deeds Just In Case Heaven Is Like The IRS ...
Get Taken
Get Things Done By Doing It Yourself, Hiring Someone, Or Forbidding Your Kids To Do It
Get Too Big For Your Britches & You'll Be Exposed In The End
Get Your Ass In Gear
Get Your Ass In Gear Or Leave Him In The Barn
Get Your Facts First, Then You Can Distort Them As Much As You Please [Mark Twain]
Get Your Lard Out For The Tits [Birdwatchers Gazette]
Getaway
Getting Baroque With Perversions: Fajitas With Meat Marinated In Coca-Cola & Dr Pepper
Getting Dirty In The Bath Tub?
Getting Dirty In The Bath Tub Was That Couples Goal
Getting Nowhere Fast
Getting Screwed While Everybody Else Is Getting Laid
Getting Sick At The Airport Could Be A Terminal Illness
Getting The Job Done Is Normally No Excuse For Not Following The Rules
Getting To Work On Time Only Makes The Day Longer
Getting Up Going Down
Ghasty? -'Poison Stops Her Ghasty Heart' [Cold Case - 'Hindi For Whore']
Ghasty's Ghastly Ghostly Shrieks Heralded Her Initiation Into The Harlotry Of Hell
Ghost Bat
Ghost Shift
Ghostbusters, Gangbusters Of Ghostly Gangsters & Sole Soulless Specters
Ghostly Spirit
Giant Ant
Giant Auroch Cattle Being Bred Back From Extinction
Giant Auroch Cattle, A/K/A Extinct Uri, Described By Julius Caesar As Elephantine
Giant Dwarf
Giant Midget
Giant Pygmy
Giant Shrimp
Giant Vampire Bat
Giant Worm
Gifts In Kind
Gifts In Kind Can Be Unkind [Aid Thoughts: The Unkindness Of In-Kind Aid]
Gigantic Microorganism
Giin Khao Reu Yang? [Have You Eaten Rice Yet? - Thai Greeting]
Giin Khao Reu Yang? [Secretary Condoleezza Rice?]
Gilligan's Island, 1964-67 American Sitcom That Won't Go Away
Gilligan's Island 1981 TV Movie Dribbled From Dallas Cheerleaders To Harlem Globetrotters
Gilligan's Island, 2X Texas Floating Pacific Toxic Plastic Garbage Patch That Won't Go Away
Gilligan's Island Garbage Patch A/K/A 'The Great Pacific Garbage Patch'
Gimme A Whiskey, Ginger Ale On Side, & Don't Be Stingy, Baby [Greta Garbo]
Gin Jockey, A White Us Gin Mill Smuggler Or A White Aussie Aborigine Lubra Snuggler
Gin Mill
8

Ginger Rogers Did All Fred Astaire Did, But Backwards & In High Heels [Faith Whittlesey]
Gingrich: Romney Took Kosher Food Out Of Mouths Of Holocaust Survivors [Fla. Robo-Calls]
Giraffe Family Reunion Is A 'Necks Of Kin'
G.I.R.L. = Guy In Real Life
Girl Flutters Her Breasts Without Knowing The Consequences
Girl Humped In Egyptian Tomb Soon Become Mummy
Girl Must Marry For Love & Keep On Marrying Until She Finds It [Zsa Zsa Gabor]
Girl Scout Nuts
Girl Who Sat On Jockeys Lap Got Hot Tip
Girl Who Sat On Judge's Lap Got Honorable Discharge
Girl Who Screamed & Shouted For A Pony Got A Little Hoarse
Girl Who Slid Down Bannister Made Monkey Shine
Girlfriends Are Like Credit Cards, You Can't Get One Unless You Already Have One
Girlie Men! [Governator's Characterization Of His Legislators]
Girly-Man
Girls Are Like Phones, Loving To Be Held & Talked To, But Push The Wrong Button .....
Girls Are Like Phones, Push The Wrong Button & You'll Be Disconnected!
Girl's Best Asset Is Her `Lie' Ability
Girls Girl
Girls Kvell Upon Engagement & Weep Upon Walking Down The Aisle
Girls With The Least Principle Draw The Most Interest, You Can Bank On That!
Girlfriend
Girlfriend Just Curled Her Hair With Her Hair Straighteners
Girlie Men
Girlie Men!, The Govenators Name For Disagreeing Legislators
Girly Man
Give A Boy A Hammer & Everything He Encounters Will Need Pounding
Give A Difficult Task To A Lazy Person, He'll Find An Easier Way To Do It
Give A Dog A Bad Name & Hang Him
Give A Fish & You Feed For A Day, Give The Internet & You Won't Be Bothered For Weeks
Give A Hand To The Palm Tree That Pollinated Banana Fingers
Give A Jackass An Education & You Get A Smartass
Give A Man A Fish & He'll Eat For A Day, Give A Fish A Man & Itll Nibble For Weeks!
Give A Man A Fish & You'll Feed Him For A Day, Teach Him To & You'll Feed Him Forever
Give A Man A Free Hand & He'll Run It All Over You [Mae West]
Give A Man Enough Rope & He Will Hang Himself
Give A Man Enough Rope & Skedaddle Before He Hangs You
Give An Inch & Theyll Take A Mile
Give Best You Have, & It May Never Be Enough - Give Your Best Anyway [Mother Teresa]
Give Credit Where Credit Is Due
Give Credit Where Credit Is Due & Then Some If The Bubble Hasn't Yet Burst
Give Devil An Inch & He Will Be The Ruler
Give Em A Break, Stop Breaking The Law Braking Your Brakes So Fast, Theyll Break!
Give Em Hell Harry [Harry S. Truman]
Give Every Man Thy Ear, But Few Thy Voice
Give Him An Inch & He'll Screw You
9

Give Him What He Really Wants - YOU! [K-Y Adv]


Give It To A Busy Man If You Want To Get It Done
Give Me A Couple Of Years & I'll Make That Actress An Overnight Success [S. Goldwyn]
Give Me A Lever Long Enough, Prop Strong Enough & I Can Move The World [Archimedes]
Give Me A Lever Long Enough, Prop Strong Enough & I Can Move Worldliest Woman
Give Me A Little Bile & Revenge, That's What I Appreciate In A Man [Bones]
Give Me A Scotch, Im Starving [Iron Man]
Give Me A Smart Idiot Over A Stupid Genius Any Day [Samuel Goldwyn]
Give Me Ambiguity Or Give Me Something Else [Bumper Sticker]
Give Me Less Corruption, Or More Chances To Participate In It
Give Me Time, He Asked & I Would Have If I Could Have Wrapped It Up
Give Me Your Chocolate Or Give Me Your Wife, Oops! Life!
Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Huddled Masses Yearning To Breathe Free
Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Huddled Masses Yearning To Breathe Free, But No BS
Give Up Your Own Truth To Win At Someone Elses Game & Everyone Loses [Stephen Paul]
Give-Uped The Ghost
Give Your Boss An Inch & He'll Think His A Ruler
Give Your Juvenile Delinquent Mental Blocks For Xmas
Give Yourself A Shake - Hurry Up! [ Gib Zich A Shukl!]
Give Yourself What You Wish Someone Else Would Give You [Dr Phil]
Given Round Bat, Thrown Round Ball & They Tell You To Hit It Square [Willie Stargell]
Given The Laws Of Probability An Impossible Event Is Likely To Occur At Any Moment
Glacier-Like Rapidity
Glas Wen, A Welsh 'Blue Smile', Insincere & Mocking, Possibly Flashed By Glas Wrens
Glas Wren, A Welsh Blue Bird Who Causes Blue Balls With Her Glas Wens & Glassy Stares
Glass & Maidens Are Easily Broken
Glass Blower Fell Into Glass Grinding Machine & Made A Spectacle Of Himself
Glass Is Half Empty, Half Full, Or Twice As Large As Needed!
Glitsh/Glitch, Yiddish For Pesky Malfunction, As Gremlins Cause In Computers & Electronics
Global Village
Globalization Is The Single Best Thing Against Racism
Gloomy Gus [Richard Nixon]
Glorious Absence Of Sophistication
Glory Follows Virtue As If It Were Its Shadow
Glory Gives Herself Only To Those Who Have Always Dreamed Of Her [Charles Degaulle]
Glossy Is Off Your Sheen
Go Ahead, Back Up
Go Ahead, Make My Day [Dirty Harry]
Go Ahead Punk, Make My Day!! [Sudden Impact, 1983]
Go Bang Your Head Against The Wall [Geh Shlog Dein Kup En Vant]
Go Defecate In The Ocean! [Geh Kaken Oifen Yam!]
Go Down [Bleeped On tosh.O]
Go Down!?! How Far Or How Deep?
Go Drop! - Go Split Your Guts [Geh Plats]
Go Fight With God [Shlog Zich Mit Got Arum!]
Go Get The Brandy [007 To St Bernard Dog]
10

Go Home, Go Home, Go Home, Go Home! [Family Matters]


Go, Joe!
Go Look For Someone Who Cares [Lech Hapess Me Yenanea Otcha]
Go On, Add Some Variety To Your Sex Life - Change Hands
Go See It & See For Yourself Why You Shouldn't Go See It [Samuel Goldwyn]
Go Sit
Go Talk To The Wall [Geh Red Tsu Der Vant]
Go The Extra Mile, It Makes Your Boss Look Like A Slacker
Go To An Extreme & Come Part Way Back - Two Steps Forward, One Step Back!
Go To Heaven For The Climate, Hell For The Company [Mark Twain]
Go To Hell
Go To Hell For The Company, Heaven For The Climate [Mark Twain]
Go To The Liquor Store & Get The Church Key
Go Where The Money Is
Goal Is 'Something To Aim At,' Reaching It May Be Secondary [Bruce Lee]
Goal Properly Set Is Halfway Reached
Goals Are Deceptive, The Unaimed Arrow Never Misses
Goatsuckers*
Gob Of Phlegm
Gobbledegook
Gobsmacked Gobshite
Gobstopper
God, A Being Who By Definition Is Beyond Man's Power To Conceive [Ayn Rand]
God Awful
God Closes Doors Nobody Can Close & Opens Doors Nobody Can Open!
God Created A World Full Of Many Little Worlds
God Dwells Within Me As Me
God Fashioned Hell For The Inquisitive [Saint Augustine 397AD]
God Fashioned Hell For The Inquisitive, Such As The Spanish Inquisitives Of 1484 On
God Forbid Builders Build Buildings The Way Programmers Program Programs
God Gave Man Brain & Penis, But Only Blood For One At A Time
God Gave Men Muscles Because He Gave Women Strength
God Gave Us Two Ears & One Mouth For A Reason
God Gives The Nuts, But He Does Not Crack Them [Franz Kafka]
God Gives The Nuts, But They Must Crack Themselves Or Blame Their Parents
God Gives The Nuts, But We Must Crack Them
God Gives Us Relatives; Thank God, We Can Choose Our Friends [Addison Mizner]
God Grant Me The Ability To Accept What I Cannot Change
God Grant Me The Courage To Change What I Can
God Grant Me The Wisdom To Know The Difference
God Helps The Industrious ['Juvat Impigros Deus' - Huddersfield Coat Of Arms]
God Helps Those Who Help Themselves [B. Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac 1736]
God Helps Those Who Help Themselves, But Not If Its To The Possessions Of Others
God Hides Things By Putting Them In Front Of Your Eyes
God In Creating Man Somewhat Overestimated His Ability [Oscar Wilde]
God Invented Man, Then Man Invented God [Barry J. Lipson]
11

God IS! A Belief System [Barry J. Lipson]


God IS: Glowing, Goodly & Growing!
God IS: Glowing, Making Navigable The Darkness Of The Unknown & The Unknowable
God IS: Goodly, Empathic & Compassionate - Any Entity Lacking These Does Not Qualify!
God IS: Growing & Evolving, Omni-Openmindedly Receptive To Ethical Evolution & Progress
God IS! Why Else When Something Good Occurs Would I Look Up To Nod My Thanks?
God Made Man & Rested, But Then After He Made Women No One Rested
God Made Only Water, But Man Made Wine [Victor Hugo]
God Made Relatives; Thank God We Can Choose Our Friends
God Made Us Brothers, But Prozac Made Us Friends
God Made You & Broke The Mold
God Made You & Threw Away The Mold, Moldy I Guess
God Must Love Idiots, He Made So Many Of Them
God Particle (Higgs Boson), Stringing Universe Together, Thought Discovered At CERN
God Pulls You From The Wreckage Of Your Own Decisions
God Save Me From My Friends, I Can Take Care Of My Enemies [English Proverb]
God Save The Queen
God Save The Queen, Shes Not A Human Being [Andrew Sullivan]
God Sends Meat & The Devil Sends Cooks [Captain Frederick Marryat]
God Will Forgive Us, Thats His Job After All
God Willing & The Creek Don't Rise [Benj. Hawkins - Genl Supt of Indian Affairs 1796-1816]
God Willing & The Creek Don't Rise [Benjamin Hawkins Creek Honorific Title 'Beloved Man']
God Willing & The Creek Don't Rise, From Hawkins Letter To POTUS About Going To DC
God Willing & The Creek Don't Rise, Or Was He Fearing A Water Stream Less Than A River?
God Willing & The Creeks Don't Rise [Creek Amerind Confederacy, A Hawkins Tribal Group]
Goddess Orgia Lived Up To Her Name, Or Did She!
Godfather Pizza
God's A Comedian Playing To An Audience Too Afraid To Laugh [Voltaire]
God's Dead [Nietzsche]
God's Dead & We Killed Him [Nietzsche]
God's Dead [Nietzsche - 1882]; Nietzsche Is Dead [God - 1900]
God's Not Dead, He Just Couldn't Find A Parking Place
God's Real, Unless Inactivated As Idle
God's Real, Unless Inactivated As Idol
Godson
Godzilla On Steroids
Going Commando
Going Forward Jerkily
Going Nowhere
Going Nowhere Fast
Going Postal
Going The Extra Mile [See Second Mile & Extra Mile]
Going The Second Mile [See Second Mile & Extra Mile]
Going To Hell In A Handbasket
Gold Lost May Be Found, A Goal Lost Never, Nor A Moment Of Time
Gold Glitters Even In The Mud
12

Gold Never Rusts - Golden Dishes Never Turn Black


Gold Silverware
Goldbrick
Golden Gaytime Australian Ice Cream
Golden Key Can Open Any Door
Golden Rule: Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You
Golden Rule: If You Do Not Wish It For Yourself, Do Not Do It To Others [Confucius]
Golden Rule Is That There Are No Golden Rules [George Bernard Shaw]
Golden Rule Is That Whoever Has The Gold Makes The Rules
Golden Rule - The Man With The Gold... Rules [Mr. T]
Golden Shower
Golden Shower Restaurant [Moshi, Tanzania]
Golden Years Are When Actions Creak Louder Than Words
Golden Silverware
Goldfinger's Pussy Galore, Played Blackly With Dishonor By Honor Blackman [007 1964]
Goldilocks Zone, Not Too Hot & Not Too Cold [Warehouse 13]
Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein Revealed They Were Doing Gods Work
Goldman Sachs Lexicon A La Ex-Exec Director Greg Smith, Who Sached Himself, Et Al:
*Abacus: Synthetic Collateralized Debt Obligation Or CDO, Created By Goldman In 2007
*Carl Levin: Goldman Misled Congress After Duping Clients Over CDOs [Senator, D-Mich]
*CDO: The Three-Letter Acronym For Collateralized Debt Obligation
*Dodd-Frank Financial Reform: Goldman Working To Snuff Out Dodd-Frank [Alain Sherter]
*Doing Gods Work: Making The Most Possible Money Off Clients [CEO Lloyd Blankfein]
*Execute On The Firms Axes: Get Rid Of' Products Lacking In A Lot Of Potential Profit
*Fabulous Fab: VP Fabrice Tourre - CDO Biz Is Dead We Dont Have A Lot Of Time Left
*Hunt Elephants: Get Clients...To Trade Whatever Will Bring The Biggest Profit To Goldman
*Illiquid, Opaque Product: CDO Products That Client Cant Tell What The Price Ought To Be
*Muppets: Goldmans Name For Its Clients, A UK Synonym For Idiots [Smith Based In UK]
*Push Product Designed To Fail: Betting Against Subprime Mortgages It Pushed On Clients
*Ripping Clients Off: Don't Take Care Of The Customer Or Think Of The Long Term
*Ripping Eyeballs Out: Goldman Sachs Destroying Its Clients
*Toxic & Destructive: Environment At Goldman As Seen By Smith
*Vampire Squid: Goldman Wrapping Around The Face Of Humanity Sucking In Money
Golem, Hebrew For Man-Made Frankenstein-Like Humanoid Activated By Name Of G-D
Golf Fashion
Golf Is A Lot Like Sex, You Don't Have To Be Good At It To Enjoy It
Goliath Beetle
Gone Away, Owin' More Than He Could Pay [Tombstone]
Gone For A Burton [Lost At Local Pub]
Gone Chopin, Have Liszt, Bach In A Minuet, Said Text To Pianist From His Wife
Gonef/Gonif, Yiddish For A Thief, Scoundrel &/Or Rascal
Gongfu/Kung Fu Is Ancient Chinese Term Describing Devotion/Effort/Work In Any Field
Goobers
Good Advice Costs Nothing & It's Worth The Price [Alan Sherman]
Good Advice Should Be Passed On, It's Never Any Use To Original Recipient [Oscar Wilde]
Good & Bad
13

Good Authors Who Once Knew Better Words, Now Only Use 4 Letter Words, Anything Goes
Good Beating
Good Beginning Makes A Good Ending
Good Boy
Good Breakfast Is No Substitute For A Large Dinner [Chinese Proverb]
Good Cigar
Good Clean Fun
Good Cook Is Like A Sorceress Who Dispenses Happiness [Elsa Schiaparelli]
Good Day To Deal With People In High Places, Particularly Mile High Stewardesses
Good Deed Is The Best Prayer
Good Die Young
Good Demon
Good Evil
Good Fast Food
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors, Good Bridges Make Better Ones
Good For Nothing
Good Friday
Good Friends Make Good Enemies
Good Garbage
Good Girls Are Only Bad Girls Who Havent Got Caught
Good Girls Are Only Good When Theyre Bad
Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere [Helen Gurley Brown]
Good Graft
Good Grief!
Good Grief, Charlie Brown
Good Grief, Charlie Brown, Therere No Nuts in Our Strip, Peanuts Are Legumes
Good Grief! Is That Better Than Bad Grief!
Good Health On Your Head [A Gezunt Ahf Dein Kop]
Good Hock, Keeps Off The Doc [Queen Victoria]
Good Hock Or Hochheimer/ Hochheim, German white wine from Hochheim Near Mainz
Good Ideas Aren't Stolen, You'll Have To Ram Them Down People's Throats [Howard Aiken]
Good Ideas Carry With Them The Responsibility To Be Responsible For Them
Good Ideas Have Disadvantages At Least Equal To Their Advantages
Good In Little Measure & Evil In Large Are Yeast, Salt & Hesitation [Talmud]
Good Intentions Are Far More Difficult To Cope With Than Malicious Intent
Good Is Better Than Evil Because Its Nicer [Li'l Abner]
Good Job
Good Judges Try & Get It Right [Judge D. Brooks Smith]
Good Judgment Comes From Bad Experience, Which Comes From Bad Judgment
Good Judgment Comes From Experience & Experience Comes From Bad Judgment
Good Judgment Comes From Experience & That Comes From Bad Judgment [Will Rogers]
Good Junk
Good Kid
Good Lawyer
Good Lawyers Knows The Law, Clever Ones Take The Judges To Lunch
14

Good Lay
Good Lie
Good Life Is Like Toilet Paper, Long & Useful
Good Listener Is A Good Talker With A Sore Throat
Good Listener Is Usually Thinking About Something Else
Good Loser
Good Man Is Hard To Find
Good Man Is Hard To Find, Hard Man Is Good To Find
Good Manners, The Noise You Don't Make When You're Eating Soup [Bennett Cerf]
Good Marriage Like Casserole, Only Co-Cooks Really Know What Goes In It
Good Meal Ought To Begin With Hunger [French Proverb]
Good Memory Remembers Things That Are Best Forgotten
Good Mood Food [Arbys]
Good Morning
Good Morning! Wishing Me A Good Morning, Or Is It A Good Morning Regardless?
Good Morning Illumination, Innovation, Inspiration & EPA Evaluation [Audi]
Good Morning, Lord Or Good Lord, It's Morning?
Good Murder [Murder She Wrote]
Good Murder Mystery
Good News Is Just Life's Way Of Keeping You Off Balance
Good Old Days Were Not That Good
Good Oxymoron, To Define It By A Self-Illustration Must Be A Planned Inadvertency [Follett]
Good Pea Is Unbeatable, So The Jolly Green Giant Babbles Happily
Good Place To Start Is From Where You Are
Good Plan Today Is Better Than A Perfect Plan Tomorrow
Good Plan, Violently Executed Now, Is Better Than A Perfect Plan Next Week [Geo. Patton]
Good Politician Is Quite As Unthinkable As An Honest Burglar [H. L. Mencken]
Good Profanity
Good Pun Is Its Own Reword
Good Questions Outrank Easy Answers [Paul A. Samuelson]
Good Riddance
Good Scapegoat Is Almost As Good As A Solution
Good Scapegoat Is More Sought After Than A Solution To The Problem
Good Sense Is The Master Of Human Life
Good Sex Is Like Good Bridge, You Need A Good Partner, Or A Good Hand [Mae West]
Good Shit
Good Shit Is A High
Good Shit Is Satisfactual
Good Sound Reasons Are Often Obfuscated By Reasons That Sound Good
Good Soup Consumption Manners, An Absence Of Slurpage
Good Speech Has Good Start & Good Ending, Both Kept As Close Together As Possible
Good Stuff
Good Talk Saves The Food
Good Talk Saves The Food Especially As You Have A Bad Cook In Common To Talk About
Good Teenager
Good Thing Money Can't Buy Happiness, We Couldn't Stand The Commercials
15

Good Things Come To Those Who Respect The Waiter


Good Things Come To Those Who Wait
Good To Meet Boy In Park, Better To Park Meat In Girl
Good To The Last Drop [Maxwell House Coffee]
Good Traveler Has No Fixed Plan & Is Not Intent On Arriving [Lao Tzu]
Good War
Good Whisky Is What It Isn't [Maker's Mark Bourbon]
Good Wife
Good Wife Always Forgives Her Husband When She's Wrong Or When He's Right
Good Wife Is On! She Doesn't Do Good Wife!
Good Wine & A Pretty Wife Are Two Sweet Poisons To A Man
Good Wine Is A Necessity Of Life For Me [Thomas Jefferson]
Good Woman Will Do 70 Chores Around The House - 69 Plus 1
Good You Do Today, Will Often Be Forgotten - Do Good Anyway [Mother Teresa]
Goodbye, Adios, Au Revoir, Wiedersehen, Ta-Ta-Ta, Get Lost, Get Out!! [The Producers]
Goodbye Tension. Hello Pension
Goodnight Gluttony, Farewell Long Awaited. Goodnight Expected. Goodnight Outdated [Audi]
Goodnight Old Luxury & All Of Your Wares. Goodnight Bygones Everywhere [Audi]
Goodnight Stuffy, Goodnight Fluffy &, Oh Yes, Goodnight Moon [Audi]
Goodthink, Thoughts & Beliefs Adhering To Those Established By The Party [1984]
Goody Two-Shoes
Goofing Around
Goofing Down?
Goofing Down An Escalator
Goofing Down The Candy In The Box
Goofing Down In The Lovely Sunny Heat
Goofing Down Inside Of A Photographic Cubicle Presents Plenty Of Seclusion
Goofing Down There In The Tax Collector`s Office, Throwing Away $10,300
Goofing Off
Goofing Off All Day, We Were Goofing Off In The Dugout Before The Game [Bryan Adams]
Goofing Up
Goofing Up Action Scenes Caused Anne Hathaway To Leave Red Faced
Google Has Scroogled You, At Least According To Microsoft
Google Only How To Kill At Your Own Risk & Only If You Dont Intend To Do So
Googled Myspace & Google Asked If I Meant Facebook?
Googles New Patent Tweaks Enhanced Ogle Searches
Googlewhacking, Word Play By Punsters , Oxymoronists & The Like
Gook, Enemy Soldier Of Mongoloid Descent
Goose Gooses You, Do Two Geese Geese You Or Is It All Just Goose Grease?
GOP: Punishment Of Success Super Bowl Winner Picks Last
Gophers Are 'Living On Burrowed Time' [Richard Armour]
Gordon Bennett, It Was Only A Dollar Last Time I Was Here!
Gore Vidal, A Brilliant Analyst, Gadfly & Gossip On How Politics Work [Jon Weiner]
Gormagon: 8 Legs, 6 Eyes & Lips, 4 Arms, 3 Arses, 2 Tarses & A Va-Jay-Jay On Back [1811]
Gormagon Revealed As Man On Horseback, With Woman Behind Him' [Francis Grose 1811]
Gormogons, Antient Order Of Chin-Qua Ky-Po, 1st Emperor Of China [London Post 1724]
16

Gormogons, Ritual Cannibal Killers Starting In Bones, Widow's Son In Windshield' [TV 2007]
Gormogons, Short-Lived 18th Century Society Formed By Expelled Freemason Philip Wharton
Gossip, A Pleasurable Pleasure Or A Guilty Pleasure?
Gossip Is Someone With A Bad Humor & A Great Sense Of Rumor
Gossip Is Someone With A Great Sense Of Rumor
Gossip Is The Most Devastating Force In The World [Dave Barry]
Gossip Is When You Hear Something You Like About Someone You Don't [Earl Wilson]
Gossip Will Never Tell A Lie If The Truth Is Worse
Gossiping Is The Worst Habit & The Biggest Calumny On A Person's Good Name
Got Canned From Job In Orange Juice Factory When He Couldn't Concentrate!
Got Cough? Go Home, Eat Lots Of Ex-Lax, Then You'll Be Afraid To Cough [Pearl Williams]
Got Eight Slugs In Me, One's Lead & Rest Bourbon - All Packed A Wallop [Calvin & Hobbes]
Got Ocean Front Property In Arizona... Buy That, I'll Throw The Golden Gate In Free [G Strait]
Got Sweater For Xmas, But Really Wanted A Screamer Or Moaner
Got To Be In It To Win It
Got To That Awkward Age, Too Young For Medicare & Too Old For Men To Care
Got Your Goat
Gotta Blast [Jimmy Neutron]
Gotta Break Some Eggs To Make A Real Mess!
Gotta Break Some Eggs To Make An Omelet
Gotta Love Me! [Dinosaurs 1991]
Gourmet Cat Food
Gourmet Fast Food
Gourmet Hamburger
Gourmet Hog Bellies
Gourmet Is Just A Glutton With Brains [Philip W. Haberman, Jr]
Gourmet Pizza
Gourmet Porridge
Gourmet Sandwich
Gourmet Who Thinks Of Calories Is Like A Tart Who Looks At Her Watch [James Beard]
Gout, A Physician's Name For The Rheumatism Of A Rich Patient [Ambrose Bierce]
Gout Is A Pisser & Piss Is Its Grouter
Gout, Unlike Others, Kills More Rich Men Than Poor, More Wise Than Simple [T. Sydenham]
Governor Signed Commutation Of Electrocution In Invisible Ink
Government Aid
Government Assistance
Government Efficiency
Government Expands To Absorb Revenue & Then Some
Government Help
Government Initiative
Government Integrity
Government Intelligence
Government Is Best Which Governs Least [Henry David Thoreau]
Government Is The Only Known Vessel That Leaks From The Top [James Reston]
Government Is Too Important To Be Left To The Politicians
Government Is Where Everybody Endeavors To Live At Expense Of Everybody Else'[Bastiat]
17

Government Motors [GM]


Government Organization
Government Programs Have Three Things, A Beginning, A Muddle, & No End
Government Service
Government, Taking As Much As Possible From One Party To Give To The Other [Voltaire]
Government That Robs Peter To Pay Paul Can Depend Upon Paul's Support [G. B. Shaw]
Government Worker
Governmental Efficiency
Governments Change, The Lies Stay The Same [007]
GR8 [Not Puny!]
Grab A Root
Graceful Blockbuster
Graceless Honeyeaters*
Graduate Student
Graduated With A 4.0, Blood Alcohol Level That Is
Graduation Is Not The End, Its The Beginning
Graffiti: Images & Letters Scratched, Scrawled, Painted Or Marked On Anothers Property
Grand Children
Grand Theft
Grandchildren Are God's Reward For Not Killing Your Children
Grandfather At Eighty Still Doesn't Need Glasses, He Still Drinks Straight From The Bottle
Grandmama Whose Age Is 80, In Night Clubs Is Getting Matey With Gigolo's, Anything Goes
Grandmother Of Eight Makes A Hole In One [Headline]
Grandpa Duck, Quack, Quack, Is A Wise Quacker
Granny Hayes [Rutherford B. Hayes]
Grape Nuts
Grape Squashed By Elephant Said Nothing, Just Let Out A Little Whine
Graphic Language
Graphite Irons
Grass [Marijuana]
Grass Is Always Greener On The Fellows Grave
Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side Of The Fence
Grass May Be Greener On The Other Side Of The Fence, But It Still Has To Be Mowed
Grass Roots
Grass Roots Campaign
Grateful Dead!
Grating The Cheese
Gratitude Helps In 'Accepting Denial'
Gratitude Is Merely The Secret Hope Of Further Favors [Francious De La Rochefoucauld]
Graveyard Voter
Gravitational Relativity Law 1: Anything Dropped Will Seek Least Accessible & Visible Spot
Gravitational Relativity Law 2: Open-Faced Jelly Sandwich Will Always Land Face Down
Gravity Is A Myth, Earth Sucks
Gravity Is Overcomeable, But The Paperwork Is Overwhelming
Gravity: It's Not Just A Good Idea, It's The Law!
Gravity Keeps Me Down
18

Gravity's Not Just A Good Idea, It's The Law!


Gray Panther
Gray Hair Is God's Graffiti [ Bill Cosby]
Graybacks
Graze On My Lips, Then Stray Lower, Where The Pleasant Fountains Lie [Shakespeare]
Grease Monkey
Greasin Up The Machine
Great Britain
Great Commoner [William Jennings Bryan]
Great Depression
Great Discoveries After Discovery Are Seen As Extremely Simple & Obvious [Geo S. Brown]
Great Discoveries Make All Appear Foolish For Not Discovering Them Before [Geo S. Brown]
Great Eaters & Great Sleepers Are Incapable Of Anything Else That Is Great [Henry IV- France]
Great Emancipator [Abraham Lincoln]
Great Engineer [Herbert Hoover]
Great Equalizer After World War II Was The Atom Bomb [Pat Buchanan]
Great Equalizer In Old West Was Sam Colts 45 [Barry J. Lipson, Federally Speaking 45]
Great Equalizer Is Public Education Creating Middle Class [Gerry Zaragoza, Manila Times]
Great Equalizer Is That Mighty Political Force, The Great Middlizer [Federally Speaking 45]
Great Expectations Yield Grating Existences
Great Food Is Like Great Sex, The More You Have The More You Want [Gael Greene]
Great, Grand & Grounded, What Happens In A Matriarchal Line When A Child Is Born
Great Head Hair Salon [Chicago, Illinois]
Great Hopes Make Everything Great Possible
Great Humanitarian [Herbert Hoover]
Great Lack Of
Great Love & Great Achievements Involve Great Risk [Dali Lama]
Great Manager [Martin Van Buren]
Great Masses Will More Easily Fall Victims To A Big Lie Than To A Small One [Adolf Hitler]
Great Man Is Hard On Himself, A Small Man Is Hard On Others [Confucius]
Great Men Are Almost Always Bad Men [Lord Acton]
Great Middlizer: I'm Not Middle-Of-The-Road; I'm All Over The Road [Andy Rooney]
Great Middlizer Is Governmental Version Of Great Equalizer [Lipson, Federally Speaking 45]
Great Middlizer Is Irresistible Force On Presidency & Judiciary To Move Towards Middle
Great Middlizer Makes Conservatives Fear Supreme Court Justices May Pull Earl Warrens
*Such As Justices Harry Blackmun, Wm Brennan, David Souter & Byron Whizzer White?
Great Middlizer Must Factor All Political Ideologies & How All This Middlizes [Tampere U]
Great Middlizer Reflects Need For Kudos Including Editorial & Academic Praise [LJ Sabato]
Great Middlizer Seems To Have Played Part In Chief Justice Roberts Upholding Of Obamacare
Great Minds Discuss Ideas, Average Minds Discuss Events, Small Minds Discuss People
Great Minds Think Alike
Great Minds Think Alike, Greater Minds Think Original Thoughts
Great Pleasure Is Doing What People Say You Cannot Do [Walter Begehot]
Great Rack! But On A Buck Or A Doe?
Great Souls Have Wills, Feeble Ones Have Only Wishes [Chinese Saying]
Great Satan
19

Great Scott! [Superman]


Great Spirits Have Often Encountered Violent Opposition From Mediocre Minds [Einstein]
Great Things About Books Is Sometimes There Are Some Fantastic Pictures [George W. Bush]
Great Tits*
Great Tragedy
Great Truth Definable As A Truth The Opposite Of Which Is Also A Great Truth [Niels Bohr]
Great Usurper [Rutherford B. Hayes]
Great Wall [China]
Great Wall Bored
Great Wall Overflown
Great Wall Vaulted
Great War
Great Weakness
Great Wealth Will Marry Off Even An Old Woman
Great White Hope
Great Works Are Performed, Not By Strength, But By Perseverance [Samuel Johnson]
Greater Cleveland
Greater Evil
Greater Power, Less I Exercise It, Thus Avoiding Envy, Spite & Misery [Sun Shu Ao 600BC]
Greater The Obstacle, The More Glory In Overcoming It [Moliere]
Greatest Enemy Of Knowledge Is Not Ignorance, It Is The Illusion Of Knowledge
Greatest Feats Done By People Not Smart Enough To Know They Are Impossible' [D. Larson]
Greatest Glory Is Not In Never Falling, But In Rising Every Time You Fall [Confucius]
Greatest Griefs Are Those We Cause Ourselves [Sophocles]
Greatest Oak Was Once A Little Nut Who Held Its Ground
Greatest Of All Faults Is To Be Conscious Of None [Thomas Carlyle]
Greatest Pleasure In Life Is Doing What People Say You Can't Do
Greatest Reward For Doing Is The Opportunity To Do More [Dr. Jonas Salk]
Greatest Salesman Can Make His Wife Feel Sorry For Gal Who Lost Bra & Panties In His Car
Greatest Shortage, On Every Beat In Every Newsroom In America, Is Courage [Dan Rather]
Greatest Show On Earth [Barnum & Bailey Circus]
Greatest Thing Is Not Where We Are, But Where Were Moving [Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr]
Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn Is Just To Love & Be Loved In Return
Greatest Tragedy Is Indifference [Red Cross]
Greatness Is Starting Something That Lives After You [Ralph W. Stockman]
Grebenes, Jewish Pork Rind, Is Chicken Skin, Crisply Fried With Schmaltz, Onions & Salt
Greece Greased Again To Halt Its Economy From Grinding To A Halt
Greece Is Now The Epitome Of A Greek Tragedy
Greed Is A Lasting Slavery [Ali Bin Abi Talib]
Greed 'Is Good, Greed Is Right, Greed Works' [Michael Douglas, Wall Street]
Greek American
Greek Rural Postmen & Their Cancellation Numbers [Derek Willan]
Greek Rural Postmen , But Derek How Does This Relate To Sovereign Debt?
Greek Tampon Is Abzorba The Leak
Greek To Us
Greek Tragedy
20

Greeks Bearing Gifts


Green Area
Green Bin Is For Non-Recyclables
Green Bin Is For Non-Unrecyclables
Green Blackberries
Green Blackboard
Green Blueberries
Green Building
Green Consumer
Green Consumerism
Green Giant Low Fat Butter Sauce
Green Is The New Black
Green Manufacturing
Green Oranges
Green Plums
Green Recruit
Green Room
Green Stop Sign
Green Thumb
Green Thumb Is Preceded By Callused Palm & Dirty Fingernails [Michael Garofalo]
Green Tomatoes
Green Weenie
Greenbacks
Greenhorn
Greenland [Always Snow & Ice Covered]
Greenland Permafrost
Greenwashing
Gregarious Recluse
Gremlins At Work
Grin & Bear It
Grin & Bear It, So Thats How The Grimacing Bared Blonde Bore Her Abasement
Gringo: Norte Americano, Derived Some From 'Griego' Or 'It's Greek To Me'
Grizzly Bites Of A Dead Kangaroo
Grocery Store Sign: Take Lettuce From Top Of Stack, Or Heads Will Roll!
Groovy!! [Scooby Doo]
Groovy Chick
Gross Half-Wit Is 144 Times Worse Than An Ordinary Half-Wit
Gross Half-Wit Is 288 Times Worse Than An Ordinary Full Wit
Grotesque Beauty
Grotesque Grotto
Grotesque Or Sublime - Grotto Of The Redemption?
Ground Cloud
Ground Floor
Ground Up
Grounded Airplane
Grounded Flight
21

Grounded To The Ground [Toyota Camry]


Group IQ Is The Lowest IQ Of A Member Of Group Divided By Number Of People In Group
Group Of Individuals
Group View: Imperfect Past, Insufficient Present & Perfect Future
Group Personal Training
Grover Cleveland [Stephen Grover Cleveland]
Grow Down
Growing Decline
Growing Deep
Growing Divergence Of Opinion
Growing Dim
Growing Old Is Inevitable, Growing Up Is Optional
Growing Small
Growing Smaller
Growing Up Skipper - Just Turn Up My Arm & I'm No Longer A Pre-Teen - Thanks Mattel!
Growing Up Skipper - You Toyed With Me Mattel, You Manipulated My Hormones! [1970s]
Grown Child
Growth Recession
Grub First, Then Ethics [Bertolt Brecht]
Grubby Ethics
Grubby Grups! Dirty, Dusty, Dingy Grown Ups
Grubs On, Eat Up!
Grubs On! Wipe That Mushy Creepy-Crawly Off My Back, Pleeeease!!!
Gruby's Deli For Grubbiest New York Grub [Specializing In Grub Larva? - Hilton Head, SC]
Grups, Grown Ups & Enemies Of The Onlies/Kids Who Pull Foolies/Games [Star Trek Miri]
Grutas Park, Lithuanian Statuary Park, Completely Filled With Communism's Statues
Guaranteed Estimate
Guaranteed Forecast
Guard Your Character & Your Reputation Will Take Care Of Itself
Gubba Or Gub, Aborigine For White Aussie
Guest Host
Guest Resident
Guest Worker
Guesstimate
Guido, An Italian-American Male From The Italian Given Name Guido
Guillotine Adopted As Being A Humane Form Of Execution, Decollating, You Know!
Guilty Pleasure
Guinea Hens Are Hens & They Are From Guinea, Guineafowl More Properly
Guinea Pigs Are Neither Pigs Nor From Guinea, But Are Rodent Cavy From The Andes
Guitar For Sale Cheap, No Strings Attached
Gulp [Lil Abner]
Gum Brick
Gumbo-Limbo, The Tourist Tree, Has Red & Peeling Bark Much Like A Sun Burnt Tourists
Gumbo-Limbo Tree Is Favorite Of Tourists Who While Limboing Eat Gumbo
Gummily Brittle
Gumshoe
22

Gumusservi, Turkish For Moonlight Shining On Water


Gun Bash First Prize: Elephant Gun Or Donkey Gun, Your Choice
Gun Business Going Great Guns!
Gun Safe
Gun Safety
Gunboat Diplomacy
Gunnie Is A Softie/Gunny Is A Softy [U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant]
Guns Don't Kill, Bullets Do!
Guns Don't Kill, Killers With Guns Do!
Guns Dont Kill People, People Kill People
Guns Don't Kill People, Postal Workers Do
Gunsel, Yiddish For A Young Goose, A Tramps Young Sidekick & A Young Tramp
Gutter Liver Flies Away From Nest
Gutter Liver Rejoins Society
Gutter The Building, Add Gutters For Drainage
Gutter The Building, Tear Out Its Guts
Guy Knows He's In Love When He Loses Interest In His Car For A Couple Of Days
Guys: No Shirt, No Service! Gals: No Shirt, No Charge!
Guy Who Take Lady On Camping Trip 'Has One Intent'
Guys Are Like Slinkies, It's Fun To Watch Them Tumble Down The Stairs
Guy Whose Whole Left Side Was Cut Off Is All Right Now
GUYS: No Shirt, No Service; GALS: No Shirt, No Charge [Bumper Sticker]
Gweilo, Gwailo, Or Kwai Lo, Chinese For Foreign Devil Or White Ghost Dude
Gym Needs Sweats, Rope Gloves, Jump Drive...'Not Sure What That Is, But They'll Be Jumping'
Gypsy Gyppie Gypped Ginny
Gypsy King
Gypsy Fortune Tellers Or Economists, Whom Should Be Taken Seriously?

H
H-Hour & D-Day, But Sea Change
Ha!!! & You Think Thats Fair!!!??? [Growing Pains]
Ha! I Kill Me! [ALF]
Habit Which Begins To Cost Money Is Called A Hobby
Habitless Addict
Habitless Nun
Habitual Comment
Habitual Eating Has No Survivors
Habitual Innovation
Habits Are Things We Can Do Without Thinking, That Is Why We Have Some Many Of Them
HaBoob, A Laughable Foolish Bumpkin, As American As Bumpkin Pie Or Fake Boobs
Haboob, A Severe Duststorm Or Sandstorm Characterized By High, Hot & Moist Winds
Haboob Designation Originated In The Hot, Dry Sahara & Surrounding Middle Eastern Areas
Haboob Has Now Been Used To Describe Massive Dust Storms In Central Arizona
Haboob Hubbub - The Great Arizona Haboob Controversy [See New York Times]
Haboob Objected To As It Lacks Arizonas Indian Woops, Cattle Snorts & Rattlesnake Rattles
Haboob Objector Objects To Returning Soldiers 'Hearing Some Middle Eastern Term'
23

Haboob Popinjays (Also Middle Eastern) Probably Chatter "Ban All Haboob-Related Words'!
Haboob-Related Words Soldiers May Hear: Algebra, Harem, Hummus, Safari, Sheikh & Sultan
Haboob-Related Words Soldiers May Hear: Arsenal, Assassin, Ghoul, Hashish, Jinn & Mummy
Haboob-Related Words Soldiers Will Hear: Candy, Coffee, Cotton, Lemon, Orange & Sugar
Haboob Use Protected As Free Speech, It's After All In Merriam Webster [Madridingles.Es]
Haboob Wit: Wash Car & Within 24 Hours Another Haboob Will Hit' [Andrew Pielage]
Hack Writer
Hacker, A Master Byter With Power Spurts
Hacker Hero
Hackers At The Gates!, Frantically Screamed Billeted Medieval Knight
Hackers At The Gates!, Frantically Twittered Bill & Melinda
Hackers - Bad At Golf , Good At Computers
Hacky Sack, Footbag Bag & Game Invented In 1972 By John Stalberger & Sold To Wham-O
Hacky Sack Moves Include Bag Daggers, Ham Spalts, Lifts, Loops, Milk Tosses & Stalls
Hailstorm Knocked Him Out Cold
Haimish/Heimish, Yiddish For Folksy, Homey, Friendly, Gentle & Sweet Sort Of Haimish
Hair & Virgins - Many Of Them Are Fake
Hair Crush
Hair Growth
Hair-Raising Devilry
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Hairy-Footed Flying Squirrel
Hairy Woodpeckers*
Hairyback, An Afrikaner Or White South African Descended From Dutch Settlers
Hajji: Military For Iraqis Or Arabs, From Honorific Al-Hajji, Completer Of Hajj To Mecca
Haleys Failed To Appear On Schedule, The Astronomers Stated Simply No Comet
Half A Bubble Off Plumb
Half A Loaf Is Better Than No Bread
Half A Loaf Is Better Than No Bread Unless Its Sliced White Bread
Half & Half
Half An Orange Tastes As Sweet As A Whole One [Chinese Proverb]
Half Assed
Half Baked
Half Breed
Half Day, Now Lincolnshire, Named For Chief Halfda, Meaning Sun At Its Meridian [ Day]
Half Dead
Half Done
Half Dressed
Half Empty
Half-Fool Is A Very Wise Man
Half Full
Half Full
Half Full Or Full Life?
Half Naked
Half Of A Large Intestine Is Equal To One Semi-Colon
Half Of All People Are Below Average
24

Half Of Being Smart Is Knowing What You're Dumb At


Half Of Everything Is Luck & The Other Half Fate [006 To 007]
Half Of The People In The World On Average Are Below Average
Half Our Income Is Spent To Gain Weight & The Other Half To Lose It
Half-Round Squares
Half Size
Half The Lies Our Opponents Tell About Us Are Not True [Sir Boyle Roche]
Half The People In The World Are Below Average
Half The Time
Half The World Is Composed Of Idiots [Walter Kerr]
Half The World Of People Clever Enough To Take Indecent Advantage Of Them [Walter Kerr]
Half True
Half Truth
Half Truth Is A Whole Lie
Half Vast
Halfway Done
Halitophobia - Fear Of Halitosis (Bad Breath)
Hall Of Shame
Halloween & All Hallows Eve, All Saints' Eve, Hallowe'en, Pooky Night, Samhain, Are One!
Halloween Cornish-Style Is Allantide, Of Celtic Derivation
Halloween Gaelic-Style Is Oiche Shamhna , Night Of Samhain[n] (Sa-ven Or Sow-in)
Halloween Irish-Style Is Mischievous Spooky Spirit Pouca/Pucas Pooky Night
Halloween Manx-Style On Isle Of Man Is Hop-Tu-Naa, A Hoppity, Turbidity, Nafly Hellfest
Halloween Mexican-Style Merges Into A Three-Day Dia De Los Muertos (Day Of The Dead)
Halloween Scotch/Irish-Style Is All About 'Guising,' Disguise One's Self
Halloween Scottish Trick-Or-Treat Doggerel : Tonight, Tonight Is Pooky Night
Halloween Scottish Trick-Or-Treat: If You Don't Give Us Money We'll Haunt You All Night
Halloween Scottish Trick-Or-Treat: Sky Is Blue, Grass Is Green, May We Have Our Halloween
Halloween Welsh-Style Is Calan Gaeaf, A Fest Better Than Welsh Rarebit
Ham Actor
Ham & Eggs - A Day's Work For A Chicken, A Lifetime Commitment For A Pig
Ham Steak
Hamburger
Hamburgers Can Be Kosher, What A World!
Hamburger Is Ham-Less
Hamburger Steak
Hand Down
Hand In
Hand In The Bush Is Worth Two Anywhere Else
Hand Job Nails & Spa [San Francisco, California]
Hand Me Downs
Hand Over Hand
Hand That Rocks The Cradle Rules The World
Hand Up
Hand Up Is Better Than Handout
Handel Teamed Up With Hinge & Bracket, Forming The Doors
25

Handful Of Common Sense Is Worth A Bushel Of Learning


Handful Of Patience Is Worth More Than A Bushel Of Brains
Handgun Safety
Handicapped Is Not Helpless
Handkerchief For Cold Storage, Snot For Sharing
Handout
Handout, Hands Off Or Hand Up?
Hands Must Be Unclean, They Are Always Kept At Arms Length
Hands Off
Hands That Judicious Can Be Soft As Your Face With Joy
Handshakes Worth The Paper Its Written On
Handsome Frank [Franklin Pierce]
Handsome Is As Handsome Does
Handsome Is As Handsome Does Depending On Whose Doing Him
Handwriting On The Wall You See Is In A Public Restroom
Handy [Bleeped On tosh.O]
Handy, But Handy Dandy Or Dandy Handy?
Handy H. Wood & Willy Wood Arrested For Exposing Their Woodys
Hang By Your Thumbs [Bob & Ray]
Hang Jeff Davis On A Sour Apple Tree
Hang Over
Hang Till Dead
Hang Up
Hang Up & Drive [Bumper Sticker]
Hang Your Swimsuit On The Fridge Door & The Goodies Inside Will Be Easier To Ignore
Hang Yourself With A Sugar Rope & Youll Have A Sweet Death, A Saccharine Thought!
Hanged Up
Hanger On
Hangin's Too Good For Punsters, They Should Be Drawn & Quoted
Hangman Of Buffalo [Grover Cleveland]
Hangover Is The Wrath Of Grapes
Hangover Is Your Body's Way Of Saying I Told You To Stay Drunk!
Hanky Dropper
Hanky Panky
Hanky Panky Sneezer
Hanky Sneezer
Hanukah Bush
Hanukah Harry
Hansel & Gretel
Hansel & ReGretel [M*A*S*H VD Film]
Haole: Hawaiian For White Or Non-Hawaiian
Happier It Is To Give A Piece Of Your Heart, Than A Piece Of Advice
Happier Thoughts Lead To Essentially A Happier Biochemistry [John Hagelin]
Happiest Marriage 'Would Be Union Of A Deaf Man To A Blind Woman' [Samuel Coleridge]
Happiest Of People Don't Necessarily Have The Best Of Everything
Happiest People Don't Have Best Of Everything, Just Make Most Of Everything That Have
26

Happiest Time Of A Person's Life Is After His First Divorce [J.K. Galbraith]
Happily Apathetic
Happily Discontent
Happily Ever After
Happily Married
Happiness Adds & Multiplies As We Divide It With Others
Happiness Essentials Are Things To Do, To Love & To Hope For
Happiness For Me Is Largely A Matter Of Digestion [Lin Yutang]
Happiness Is A Way Of Travel, Not A Destination [Roy Goodman]
Happiness Is A Way Station Between Too Little & Too Much
Happiness Is Having A Scratch For Every Itch [Ogden Nash]
Happiness Is Just Health & A Poor Memory
Happiness Is Like The Common Cold -- It's Catching!
Happiness Is Merely The Absence Of Pain
Happiness Is Not A Destination, But A Manner Of Traveling
Happiness Is Not Having What You Want, But Wanting What You Have [Shakespeare]
Happiness Is Not Something Ready Made, It Comes From Your Actions [Dalai Lama]
Happiness Is One Thing That Multiplies By Division
Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-In-Law On A Milk Carton
Happiness Is Something That Multiplies When It Is Divided [Paulo Coelho]
Happiness Is Something You Decide On, Not Something That Happens To You
Happiness Is The Sensation You Get When You Are Too Busy To Be Miserable
Happiness Is Twin Floppies Disgorging Their Data
Happiness Is Twin Floppies Freely Flopping
Happiness Isn't From Doing What We Like, But From Liking What We Do [Wilfred Peterson]
Happiness Isnt Getting What You Want, But Experiencing Who You Are
Happiness Isnt Having What You Want, Its Wanting What You Have
Happiness Makes Up In Height For What It Lacks In Length [Robert Frost]
Happiness Paradox: More You Give It Away, The More You Get It Back [Don Daniels]
Happiness: To Accept The Impossible, Do Without The Indispensable & Bear The Intolerable
Happiness Will Not Dock When You Harbor Bitterness
Happy Agony
Happy Apathy
Happy Camper
Happy Demise
Happy Divorce
Happy Drunk
Happy Endings Pepa Up Play, Oedipus Won't Bomb If He Winds Up With Mom! [Producers]
Happy Fault
Happy Herbivore
Happy Hermit
Happy Holyday [Holiday]
Happy Hour
Happy Husband Keeps 'His Mouth Shut & His Checkbook Open' [Groucho Marx]
Happy Husband Understands Every Word Which His Wife Doesn't Say
Happy Is Legal In 49 States, In New York She Rocked A Fellow!
27

Happy Loser
Happy Marriage & California Life Both Require Not Dwelling On A Fault
Happy Monday
Happy New Gregorian Calendar Reset
Happy Pessimist
Happy Poverty Overcomes Everything [A Lustiger Dales Gait Iber Alles]
Happy Thirtieth Birthday Grandma [ B Lindsay]
Happy Wife
Harass, Is That One Word Or Two, Herman Cain Asked? [Jay Leno]
Harboring Bitterness Causes Happiness To Dock Elsewhere
Hard Case: Awesome Game, Won't Work. Hard Case Or Download? DL! That's Your Problem!
Hard Case Contains Actual Thermonuclear Warhead, Sealed To Provide Shock Isolation
Hard Case Crime: A Diet Of Treacle By Lawrence Block
Hard Case Crime Investigates Hard Case Being Hit Hard On Head With Hard Case Briefcase
Hard Case Dictates Result Entirely At Odds With Either Humanity Or Common Sense
Hard Case: I Hope You Ain't Going To Be A Hard Case [Cool Hand Luke]
Hard Case Pregnancies Split Doctors [The Irish Times]
Hard Cases Make Bad Law
Hard Cases Make Bad Law As They Can't Keep Their Flies Zipped
Hard Cider
Hard Copy E-Mail Attachment
Hard Curve
Hard Cushion
Hard Day's Night [Beatles]
Hard Drive Crash, All Data Lost
Hard Drive Crash, All Riders Lost
Hard Drive Is Spinning, But The OS Is Missing
Hard Knocks
Hard Liquor
Hard Man Is Good To Find [Mae West]
Hard-On Doesn't Count As Personal Growth
Hard Pillow
Hard Plastic
Hard Pleasure
Hard Roll
Hard Sponge
Hard Thing About Business Is Minding Your Own
Hard To Beat A Hard Boiled Egg In The Morning Or Anytime
Hard To Beat A Hard Boiled Egghead In The Morning Or Anytime
Hard To Face The Problem, When The Problem Is Behind You
Hard To Face The Problem, When The Problem Is In Your Face
Hard To Face The Problem, When The Problem Is Your Face
Hard To Face The Problem, When The Problem Isn't Facing You
Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long [Vince Gill]
Hard To Make A Comeback When You Haven't Been Anywhere
Hard To Soar Like An Eagle When You Work With Turkeys
28

Hard To Stumble When You're On Your Knees


Hard Water
Hard Work Has A Future Payoff, Laziness Pays Off Now!
Hard Work Never Did Anyone Any Harm
Hard Work Never Did Anyone Any Harm, Then Why Workmens Compensation Claims?
Hard Work Never Killed Anybody, But Why Take A Chance? [Edgar Bergen]
Hard Work Pays Off In The Future, Laziness Pays Off Now [Steven Wright]
Hardcore Pawn [TV]
Hardcore Pawn Stars Pawn Stars
Hardcore Pornography
Hardcore Pornography Stars Porn Stars
Harder I Work, The More I Have Of It [Thomas Jefferson]
Harder It Is To Get To, The More Often It Breaks Down
Harder To Conceal Ignorance Than To Acquire Knowledge
Harder To Find A Job Than To Keep One, But Try Hard Enough & You Can Lose One Too
Harder You Try, The Harder You Will Fail
Hardest Part Of Holding On Is Letting It Go [FOD, Goodbye For Now]
Hardest Part Of Skating Is The Ice
Hardest Thing About Business Is Minding Your Own
Hardest Thing To Learn In Life Is Which Bridge To Cross & Which To Burn [David Russell]
Hardly Easy
Hardly Ever Knew A Mathematician Who Was Able To Reason [Plato]
Hardly Hard
Hardness Of Butter Is Directly Proportional To The Softness Of The Bread
Hardware Is Part Of System That You Can Hit With A Hammer
Hare Pair
Hark, The Herald Angels Singing On High, Tell Us To Go Out & Buy, Buy, Bye [Tom Lehrer]
Hark, The Herald Tribune Sings, Advertising Such Wondrous Of Things [Tom Lehrer]
Harlotry Of Hell
Harmful Pleasure
Harmful Pornography
Harmful Truth Is Better Than A Useful Lie [Thomas Mann]
Harmless Abuse
Harmless Crime
Harmless Homicide
Harmless Lie
Harmless Pollution
Harmless Pornography
Harmless Sin
Harmonious Discord
Harmonious State Of Havoc
Harmonyland, Japanese Theme Park Entirely Devoted To Hello Kitty
Harnessing The Earthworm [Thomas J. Barrett Makes Them Pull Their Weight & Then Some!]
Harnessing The 'Earthworm Tractors' So Alexander Botts Can Get The Other Girl [1936 Film]
Harried Patient
Harry Bosco, 'The Process Fox News Uses To Create News. It's ... Mistranslation' [Torchwood]
29

Harry Potters First Cousin Harry Plotter Notorized on Necessary Roughness


Harvard's Run By Wellesley, Wellesley By Yale, Yale By Vassar & Vassar By Tail
Harvey, Mischievous 6 Foot Invisible Rabbit Frolicking & Wallbanging All Around The Stage
Harvey Wallbanger, Drink Dedicated To Hollywood 1950's Off-The-Wall Surf Banger
Harvey Wallbanger, Drunk Driver Whos Drifting Back & Forth From Shoulder To Shoulder
Hasta La Vista, Baby [The Terminator]
Haste Makes Waste
Hasten Slowly
Hate Ads
Hate Clichs Because They're A Dime A Dozen
Hate Graffiti, In Fact I Hate All Italian Food
Hate Is Like Swallowing Poison & Waiting For Your Enemy To Die
Hate More & The Stronger It Gets
Hate People Who Dont Love Their Fellow Man
Hate The Sin & Love The Sinner [Mahatma Gandhi]
Hate To Hate
Hate To Love
Hate That I Love You [Rihanna]
Hate Week, Designed To Increase Hatred For Current Alternating Enemy Of The Party [1984]
Hate Whiners
Hate Winners
Hated Idol
Hats Hanging On Hat Rack, Said One To The Others: 'You Stay Here, I'll Go On A Head'
Haunted French Pancakes Give Us The Crpes
Haute Couture
Have A Better One
Have A Nice Day
Have An Intense Desire To Return To The Womb, Anybody's!
Have Children While Your Parents Can Still Take Care Of Them [Rita Rudner]
Have Enough Money To Last Me The Rest Of My Life, Unless I Buy Something
Have Fun, Do No Harm, Have Fun, Do No Harm, Have Fun, Do No Harm, Have Fun,
Have Mercy
Have No Fear Of Perfection, Youll Never Reach It [Salvador Dali]
Have The Courage To Live, Anyone Can Die!
Have Some Madeira, M'Dear, Ahh! You Really Have Nothing To Fear, Ahh!
Have To Take My Paycheck To The Bank, It's Too Little To Go By Itself
Have You Ever Danced With The Devil In The Pale Moonlight? [Batman 1989]
Have You Ever Stopped To Think.... & Forgot To Start Again?
Have You Lived In This Village All Your Life? No, Not Yet, Sir'
Have You Seen Quasimodo? I Have A Hunch He's Back!
Haven't Spoken To My Wife In Years, Didn't Want To Interrupt Her [Dangerfield]
Haves & Have-Nots Are Traceable Back To The Dids & Did-Nots
Having A Party In Your Pants
Having Control Over Myself Is Almost As Good As Having Control Over Others
Having Nothing, Nothing Can You Lose
Having Problems Keeping It Up Q? [007]
30

Hawaii Vacationers Are Here Today, Gone To Maui


Hawaiian Computer Driven Around Beach, So He Brakes & Surfs On Breaks [NCIS]
Hawaiian Interstate Highway To Where?
Hawaiian Shirt Friday
Hawfinches*
Haystack Mountain [Md]
Hazardous Waste Disposal
Hazy Goals Result In Hazy Outcomes & A Future Of Hazy Days Walking In A Haze
He Cant See A Belt Without Hitting Below It [Margot Asquith]
He Conquers Who Endures [Persius]
He Didn't Let His Education Get In The Way Of His Ignorance
He Doesn't Have Much Of A Reputation Or So I've Heard
He Doesnt Know The Meaning Of The Word Fear - Or Of Most Other Words
He Eats Soup With A Fork & Cuts His Meat With A Spoon
He Fantasizes About You Through His Writing, Its Literally Verbal Masturbation [Castle]
He Had Delusions Of Adequacy [Walter Kerr]
He Hadn't A Single Redeeming Vice [Oscar Wilde]
He Has All The Virtues I Dislike & None Of The Vices I Admire [Winston Churchill]
He Has Delusions Of Adequacy
He Has No Enemies, But Is Intensely Disliked By His Friends [Oscar Wilde]
He Has Van Gogh's Ear For Music [Billy Wilder]
He Has Wisdom Of Youth, Energy Of Old Age & Should Not Be Allowed To Breed
He Knows The Most Who Says He Knows The Least [Confucius]
He Lived His Life To The End
He Lived His Life To The End & Then Died
He Lived His Life To The End, But Not One Second Longer
He Loves Nature In Spite Of What It Did To Him [Forrest Tucker]
He May Be Frum [Orthodox], But Hes Still A Thief! [Er Iz Gots Ganef!]
He Not Busy Being Born Is Busy Dying [Bob Dylan]
He Only Takes His Wife With Him So He Doesn't Have To Kiss Her Goodbye
He Owes Him The Hole In The Bagel [Er Iz Im Shuldik Di Lokh Fun Beygl]
He Promised For Her Hed Go Through Hell, They Married & Now Hes Going Through Hell
He Segued From One Distressing Discourse Into Another Doubly Distressing Discourse
He Should Become A Gas Chandelier, To Hang By Day & Burn By Night
He Should Have Pharaohs Plagues Sprinkled With Jobs Scabies
He Stayed Up All Night To See Where The Had Sun Gone, & Then It Dawned On Him
He Stood At Attention For The 11th Pun As It Got A Rise Out Of Him - No Pun In Ten Did!
He Succeeded Successfully At 'Trying To Fail
He Talks Like Fire & Like Flood [Er Ret Far Fayer Un Far Vaser!]
He Talks Right & Runs Left [Bob Dole On Bill Clinton]
He That Can Have Patience Can Have What He Will [Benjamin Franklin]
He That Goes A-Borrowing, Goes A-Sorrowing
He That Lives Upon Hope Will Die Fasting [Benjamin Franklin]
He That Pryeth Into Every Cloud May Be Struck With A Thunderbolt [John Clarke 1639]
He That Seeks Trouble Never Misses
He That Will Not Look Forward Must Look Behind [Gaelic Proverb]
31

He That Would Have Fruit Must Climb The Tree & Perhaps Go Out On A Limb
He Travels Fastest Who Travels Alone, But He Travels Loneliest
He Travels Fastest Who Travels Alone, But There's No Relation To When He Gets There
He Tried To Get Her To Marry Him To No A-Veil
He Uses Statistics As A Drunk Uses Lampposts, For Support Not Illumination [Andrew Lang]
He Walked Blithely Toward The Altar
He Walked Like A Condemned Man Toward The Altar
He Walked Soberly Toward The Altar
He Was A Very Valiant Man Who First Adventured On Eating Oysters [James I]
He Was At His Best When The Going Was Good [Alistair Cooke On Duke Of Windsor]
He Was Born With A Silver Foot In His Mouth [Gov Ann Richards On Geo HW Bush]
He Was Cut Off, Permanently [007 To XXX]
He Was Dead, But He Got Better ['Crank: High Voltage' Movie]
He Was Good To The End [Cannibals Tombstone For Dr. Albert Schweitzer, His Draft]
He Was Happily Married, But His Wife Wasn't [Victor Borge]
He Who Angers You, Controls You!
He Who Asks Is Fool For 5 Minutes, He Who Doesn't Ask Is Fool Forever [Chinese Proverb]
He Who Blows His Own Horn Is A Boastful Braggart
He Who Blows His Own Horn Is Tooting
He Who Blows His Own Horn Must Be An Accomplished Contortionist
He Who Blows Not His Own Trumpet, Shall Never Be Heard [Lost In Space]
He Who Can Does, He Who Can't, Administrates
He Who Can Does, He Who Can't, Teaches
He Who Cannot Reason Is A Fool [Sir William Drummond]
He Who Conquers Others Is Strong, He Who Conquers Himself Is Mighty [Lao Tzu]
He Who Crosses Ocean Twice Unbathed Is 'Dirty Double Crosser
He Who Dares Not Reason Is A Slave [Sir William Drummond]
He Who Despises Himself Esteems Himself As A Self-Despiser [Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche]
He Who Dies With The Most Toys Is Nonetheless Dead
He Who Does Not Enjoy His Own Company Is Usually Right [Coco Chanel]
He Who Drive Like Hell Is Bound To Get There
He Who Eats Ice Cream In Car, Is A Sundae Driver
He Who Eats Till He's Sick, Must Fast Till He's Well
He Who Expects Biggest Tip Provides Worst Service
He Who Fears Death Has Already Lost The Life He Covets
He Who Fears He Will Suffer, Already Suffers From His Fears [Michel Eyquen]
He Who Fights & Runs Away Lives To Fight Another Day
He Who Frights & Runs Away, Lives To Run Another Day
He Who Has A Why To Live Can Bear Almost Any How [Friedrich Nietzsche]
He Who Hesitates Is Last
He Who Hesitates Is Lost
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From Next Exit [Bumper Sticker]
He Who Hesitates Is Probably Right
He Who Is Firm In Will Molds The Will To Himself [Goethe]
He Who Keeps Quiet Is Half A Fool, He Who Talks Is A Complete Fool
He Who Knows Does Not Speak, He Who Speaks Does Not Know [Lao Tzu]
32

He Who Knows Others Is Learned, He Who Knows Himself Is Wise


He Who Knows Others Is Wise. He Who Knows Himself Is Enlightened [Lao Tzu]
He Who Laughs Last Didn't Get It
He Who Laughs Last Didn't Get The Joke
He Who Laughs Last, Laughs Best
He Who Laughs Last Laughs Longest
He Who Laughs Last Probably Made A Back-Up
He Who Laughs Last Should Do So From A Safe Distance
He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest
He Who Laughs, Lasts
He Who Lives By The Sword Shall Die By The Sword
He Who Makes A Beast Out Of Himself Gets Rid Of The Pain Of Being A Man [Dr. Seuss]
He Who Pays The Piper Calls The Tune
He Who Pulls You Out Is Not Necessarily Your Friend
He Who Puts You In It Is Not Necessarily Your Enemy
He Who Reads Too Much & Uses Brain Too Little Becomes Lazy Thinker [Albert Einstein]
He Who Runith In Front Of Car Gets Tired, He Who Runith Behind Gets Exhausted
He Who Seeks Revenge Should Dig Two Graves
He Who Shouts Loudest Has The Floor
He Who Sleep On Bed Of Nails Is Indeed A Holey Man
He Who Slings Mud Generally Loses Ground [Adlai Stevenson]
He Who Smelt It Dealt It!
He Who Smiles In A Crisis Has Found Someone To Blame
He Who Sniffs Coke Gets Iced Gas Up Nose
He Who Stick Head Through Window Gets Pane In Neck
He Who Sups With The Devil Should Have A Long Spoon
He Who Thinks Only Of Number One Must Remember It Is Next To Nothing
He Who Laughs Last Laughs Best
He Who Talks With His Mouth Full Is Speaking Ingest
He Who Will Not Reason Is A Bigot [Sir William Drummond]
He Who Wonders Discovers That This In Itself Is Wonder [M C Escher]
He will rob you of your flower & he'll hang me from the gallows [Judy Collins Anna Thea]
He Won [Literal Truth]; He Beat Me [Dead Metaphor]; He Thrashed Me [Live Metaphor]
Head [Gay Act]
Head [Nautical Lingo]
Head Butt
Head Cheese
Head-End
Head In Head [Sign Crew Has Been Too Long At Sea]
Head Of Anti-Violence Group Arrested For Hitting Referee [AP]
Head Tax
Headless Headman
Headless Headsman
Headless Horseman
Headless Herd-Less Herdsman
Heads Up
33

Heads Up Duck
Health Alert: Research Causes Cancer In Rats
Health Care Industry
Health Care System
Health Comes Before Making A Livelihood [Gezunt Kumt Far Parnosseh]
Health Department Wants Mayor's Ear [Deseret Morning News]
Health Is Merely The Slowest Possible Rate At Which One Can Die
Health Nazi, Extreme Health Advocate Impervious To Opposing Positions
Health Nuts Will Feel Stupid Someday, Lying In Hospitals Dying Of Nothing [Redd Foxx]
Health Plans Are Like Hospital Gowns, You Only Think You're Covered
Healthful-City Environment
Healthy Attitude Is Contagious, But Don't Wait To Catch It, Be A Carrier! [Tom Stoppard]
Healthy Chocolate [Not Milk]
Healthy City Environment
Healthy Competition
Healthy Dessert
Healthy Dose
Healthy Fat
Healthy Hot Dog, How To Build A [Giant Eagle Supermarkets Brochure]
Healthy Hot Dog: National Dish Of Fantasyland
Healthy Hot Dog: Robust Bitch In Heat
Healthy Hot Dog: Supersized Frankfurter
Healthy Is Merely The Slowest Possible Rate At Which One Can Die
Healthy Obsession
Healthy Productive Life
Healthy Reproductive Life
Healthy Soda
Healthy Tan
Healthy Tan. Misnomer As Tans Body's Response To Injury Caused By The Sun [Dr Oz]
Healthy Weight Loss
Hear & You Forget, See & You Remember, Do & You Understand [Confucius]
Hear In Here What Your Ear Or The Inner Ear In Hear Will Reveal
Heard On The Grapevine
Hearing Aid Center Gave Sound Advice
Hearing Impaired Do It In Silence
Heart Attacks, God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
Heart Has Its Reasons Which Reason Does Not Know [Pascal]
Heart Is Like A Parachute, It Only Opens When You Fall [Harlan Coben]
Heart Is Not A Logical Organ [Dr. Janet Wallace]
Heart That Gives, Gathers [Marianne Moore]
Heart That Trusts Is Easily Betrayed
Heartfelt Politics
Hearth Is The Heart Of A Home
Hearth Today Gone Tomorrow, Modern Hearthless Homes Are Heartless
Heartily Hard
Heat Must Travel Faster Than Cold As It Is Easier To Catch A Cold Then Heat A Coal
34

Heat Up
Heat Wave Claims Frostbite Victim [Reuters]
Heaven Has No Rage Like Love To Hatred Turned [William Congreve 1697]
Heaven Is Blessed With Perfect Rest But The Blessing Of Earth Is Toil [Henry Van Dyke]
Heaven Is Under Our Feet As Well As Over Our Heads [Henry David Thoreau]
Heaven Protect Us From What Men Do In The Name Of The Trinity Heaven, God &/Or Good
Heaven Take My Soul & Angelic Angie Keep My Boner
Heaven Take My Soul & England Keep My Bones! [Shakespeare]
Heavenly Herald: Lawyers Wanted - Popes Need Not Apply
Heavier Than Air Flying Machines Are Impossible [Royal Society 1895]
Heaviest Baggage For A Traveler Is An Empty Purse
Heaviest Thing To Carry Is A Grudge
Heavy Gas
Heavy Guilt
Heavy Heart
Heavy Jogger
Heavy Lightness [Shakespeare]
Heavy Water
Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe In Gosh
Hedonistic Imperative
Hedge Fund Manager
Heeeeerrrrre's Johnny! [Johnny Carson, That Is!]
Hefty Lefty
Heifer Bull
Helicopter Flight
Helicopter Fright
Helicopter Mother, Always Hovering
Helicopter Rushes Ashes To Cemetery Or 'Whirly Bird Gets The Urn'
Heinz 57 Varieties Claim Of 57 Varieties' False [Snopes.Com]
Heinz 57 Varieties Paid $57 Million For Steelers Heinz Field Naming Rights
Heinz 57 Varieties Totaled Over 1,100 By Heinz 100th Anniversary In 1969
Heinz 57 Varieties Totaled Over 60 When Slogan Conjured Up H.J. In 1896
Hell Exothermic Or Endothermic? Will It Heat Until All Hell Breaks Loose Or Freeze Over?
Hell Hath No Fury As A Hustler With A Literary Agent [Frank Sinatra]
Hell Hath No Fury As A Woman Scorned
Hell Hath No Fury As A Woman Scorned, Nor A Man NORMALIZED!
Hell Hath No Fury Like A Bureaucrat Scorned [Milton Friedman]
Hell Hath No Fury Like A Pacifist
Hell Hath No 'Fury Like A Woman Scorned' [William Congreve 1697]
Hell In A Hand Basket
Hell Is Full Of Good Wishes & Desires [St Bernard Of Clairvaux]
Hell Is Light Ale In German - Ale, Ale, The Gangs All Hail
Hell Is Not So Bad As The Way To It
Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions [John Ray 1670]
Hell On Earth
Hell, There Are No Rules Here - We're Trying To Accomplish Something [Thomas A. Edison]
35

He'll With Apostrophe Deleted Is Hell, Shell With Apostrophe Inserted Is Willing [']
Hell, Yes; Hell, No; & Oh, Hell, Too
Hellish Boredom
Hellish Mass
Hellish Rewards
Hellish Weather
Hello Boils & Ghouls! [Tales From The Crypt]
Hello Darkness My Old Friend [Paul Simon]
Hell's Angels
Hell's Kitchen
Helmet Law Protester Dies In Cycle Crash [UPI]
Helmeted Woodpeckers*
Help, I Just Got Lost In Thought & Can't Find My Way Out
Help! I've Fallen, And I Can't Get Up! [Med-Alert Ads]
Help Sales Sell
Help Stamp Out & Abolish Redundancy
Help Them Gain Face Without Disadvantaging Your Client [Barry J. Lipson]
Help Wanted: Telepathic -- You Know Where To Apply
Helping Kids Read Gooder [Hooked On Phonics]
Helter Skelter
Hemingway Never Used A Word That Might Send A Reader To The Dictionary [Faulkner]
Hempfest
Henpecked Is A Sterile Husband Being Afraid To Confront His Pregnant Wife
Henry Ford, 'If Your A Billionaire Can't You Afford Better Than The Ford You're Driving?'
Hens Are Getting Plucked {Rhymes With ]
Hen's Teeth
Hep Broad
Her Affairs Are Her Affairs
Her Affairs Are Her Own Affairs M*A*S*H]
Her Hair Glistened In The Rain Like Nose Hair After A Sneeze [C. S. Woodbridge]
Her Silence Was Deafening
Her Trouble Is She Lacks Power Of Conversation But Not Power Of Speech [G.B. Shaw]
Here & There
Here Comes A Chopper To Chop Off Your Head [Oranges & Lemons Nursery Rhyme ]
Here He Lies, James T. Carson, He Blew Up His Wife & Was Hung For Arson [Tombstone]
Here I Am! Now What Are Your Other Two Wishes?
Here I Sit Broken-Hearted, Paid My Penny But Only Farted [British Public Toilet]
Here In Hear There Is An Ear
Here! Kitty, Kitty, [Tasty] Kitty!!! [ALF]
Here Lays Butch - He Was Quick On The Trigger, But Slow On The Draw [Tombstone]
Here Lies A Man Named Zeke, Second Fastest Draw In Cripple Creek [Tombstone]
Here Lies An Atheist, John Doe, All Dressed Up & No Place To Go! [Tombstone]
Here Lies Body Of Jonathan Blake; Stepped On The Gas Instead Of The Brake [Tombstone]
Here Lies Lester Moore, Four Slugs From A 44, No Les No More [Boothill - Tombstone, AZ]
Here Lies The Body [Sic.] Of John Round, Lost At Sea & Never Found [Tombstone]
Here To Dispute The Undisputable/Indisputable
36

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow


Here Today, Gone Tomorrow; Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow; Hare Today, Goat Tomorrow
Here's Another Fine Mess You've Gotten Me Into [Ray Stevens]
Here's Another Nice Mess You've Gotten Me Into! [Oliver Hardy]
Here's Looking At You, Kid [Casablanca, 1942]
Here's My Library Card, I'd Like To Check You Out
Here's To The Men We Love Who Dont Love Us, Fuck The Men, Let's Drink To Us!
Hermaphrodite: A Bisexual Built For Two
Hermaphrodite Can Be Impotent & Frigid At The Same Time
Hermitage, Group Home For Hermits
Hermits Unite!
Hero Is No Braver Than Anyone Else, He's Only Brave Five Minutes Longer [Emerson]
Hero Of Appomattox [General Ulysses S. Grant]
Hero Of New Orleans [Andrew Jackson]
Hero Of San Juan Hill [Theodore Roosevelt]
He's A Real Ballbuster; He Can Step On Your Toes Without Messing Up Your Shine
He's A Self-Made Man & Worships His Creator [John Bright]
He's Ahead Of His Time
He's All Foam & No Beer
He's All Sizzle & No Steak
He's As Brilliant As You & Infinitely More Devious We'll See About That [Holmes 2009]
Hes Bisatchel, He Fell In Love With Two School Bags
He's Dark & Handsome, When It's Dark He's Handsome!
He's Depriving A Village Somewhere Of Their Idiot
He's Followed Everywhere, But Only Out Of Morbid Curiosity
He's Got A Bow But No Arrows
He's Got Game, He's The Best Baller On The Court [Urban Dictionary]
He's Incomplete Until He's Married & After That, He's Finished [Zsa Zsa Gabor]
He's No Great Sage & No Small Fool
He's Not Dead, He's Electroencephalographically-Challenged
He's Not Only Dull Himself, Hes The Cause Of Dullness In Others [Samuel Johnson]
He's Now Rising From Affluence To Poverty [Mark Twain]
He's On The Jazz [The A-Team]
He's Out Of His Depth In A Parking Lot Puddle & Would Drown In A Pot Hole
He's Simply A Shiver Looking For A Spine To Run Up [Paul Keating]
He's So Dense, Light Bends Around Him
He's So Lazy That If There Were Work In Bed, He'd Rather Sleep On The Floor [Paddy O'Dea]
He's The Man Who Never Returned
He's Truly Wise Who Gains Wisdom From Another's Mishaps (& From His Own)
He's Turning This Park Into A Boot Camp, With Me Getting The Boot [Yogi Bear]
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia - Fear Of The Number 666 & The Top Of The Sixes (NYC)
Hey, Don't Knock Masturbation. It's Sex With Someone I Love [Annie Hall, 1977]
Hey, Hey, Hey! [Fat Albert]
Hey, Hey, Hey, What's Going Here? [Saved By The Bell]
Hey, Mr. Kot-Tair! I'll Take That Bet [Sweathog Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington]
Hey Santa, How Much For Your List Of Nice Naughty Girls?
37

Hey Trigger, More Hay? Neigh, Roy, Im Stuffed!


Hey! Up Your Nose With A Rubber Hose! [Sweathog Vinnie Barbarino]
*Yeah? Well, Up Your Gizzard With A Rubber Lizard! [Sweathog Squiggy]
Hey, Who Took The Cork Off My Lunch? [W .C. Fields]
Hi-Lo
Hi Neighbor [Mr. Rogers]
Hidden Flaw Never Remains Hidden
Hidden Floor Is In Reality The Thirteenth
Hidden Gun Pants With Comfort Waist To Waste People In Comfort [Colbert Report]
Hidden Identity
Hidden In Plain Sight
Hidden Talent For Public Speaking [Wendell Johnson]
Hidden Valley, Prominently Advertised Ski Resort In Western PA
Hide Nothing
High & Low
High Apple Pie In The Sky Hopes
High Class
High-Class Joint
High End
High Ground
High Heels Low Lives
High Minimum Wage
High Noon
High Performance Stiffened Structures, By High Performance Stiffened Engineers [IMechE]
High Prophet [Bush II For Special Advisor Karen Hughes]
High-Roller
High-Speed Computer
High-Speed Dial-Up Connection
High-Tax Harry [Harry S. Truman]
High White Horse Souse [High White House Source]
Highbrow Is Person 'Who Looks At A Sausage And Thinks Of Picasso' [Alan Patrick Herbert]
Higher Education
Higher Ground
Higher The Organizational Level The Greater & Grander The Confusion
Highest Reward For One's Toil Is Not What One Gets, But What One Becomes By It
Highland
Highly Depressed
Highly Underestimated
Highly Visible Covert Operation
Highway Underpass
Highwaymen Essephar: lite Highwaymen, Pirates & Other Political Vigilante Legions
Highwaymen: Movement Of Black Florida Artists, Selling Their Landscapes At Roadside
Highwaymen: Robbers Mounted On Horseback, Also Known As Road Agents & Owlhoots
Highwaymen Robbing On Foot Were Then Callous & Calloused Foot-Pads
Highwaymen: Super Country Singing Group Of Kristoferson, Nelson, Cash & Jennings
Hijack, Seizure Of Vehicle In Transit Either To Rob It Or Divert It To An Alternate Destination
38

Hijacking Aircraft Is Skyjacking & Recovering Vehicles Is LoJacking


Hijacking Integrity Of Courts By Special Interest Groups Seeking Ouster Of Impartial Justices
Hilarious Funeral
Hilton Head Island Is Shaped Like A Foot
Hilton Head Island Is Shaped Like A Foot, But The Boot Of Italy Is Too Big Even For It
Hindsight Is An Exact Science
Hindsight Is 20/20
Hinkey
Hinkey Fugitive
Hip-Hop Culture
Hippies, Hippies, They Want To Save The World But Only Smoke Pot & Play Frisbee!
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - Fear Of Long Words As Antidisestablishmentarianism
Hire A Teenager While They Still Know It All
His Accidency [John Tyler]
His Battery Doesnt Carry A Charge
His Elevator Is Stuck Half Way
His Fraudulency [Rutherford B. Hayes]
His High Mightiness, The President Of The United States & Protector Of Their Liberties
His High Mightiness, The President Of The United States, Changed Quickly To Mr. President
His Honor Was On His Honor To Report Honestly, Even Without An Honorarium Honest!
His Left Side Was Chopped Off, Hes Now Alright!
His Little Majesty [5' 4" James Madison]
His Majesty George Washington
His Mother Should Have Thrown Him Away & Kept The Stork [Mae West]
His Obstinacy [Grover Cleveland]
HIS-Panic: White Male Conservative Reaction To Enfranchisement Of Hispanic Voters
His Presence Here Is Cruelly Depriving Some Village Somewhere Of Its Idiot
His Rotundity [John Adams]
Hispanics Cause HisPANICS In Romney Campaign
Hissy Fit
Hissy Fits In Romney Campaign Are Now HissyPANICS
Historian Vacancy Was Past Up As Having No Future
Historical Event
Historical Fiction
History & Hertory Tell A Conflicting Story
History Doesn't Repeat Itself, Historians Merely Repeat Each Other
History Has More Examples Of The Fidelity Of Dogs Than Of Friends [Alexander Pope]
History Has Shown There Are No Invincible Armies [Joseph Stalin]
History Is A Set Of Lies Agreed Upon [Napoleon Bonaparte]
History Is Written & Re-Written By The Winners
History May Not Repeat Itself, But It Rhymes A Lot ['Twain-ish']
History Of The Future
History Proves Nothing
History Repeats Itself, But Each Time The Stakes Are Higher
History Repeats Itself, First Time It's Tragedy, Second Comedy [John Lecarre]
History Repeats Itself, That's A Things That's Wrong With History [Clarence Darrow]
39

History Will Be Kind To Me, For I Intend To Write It [Winston Churchill]


Hit Below The Belt? Don't Belt Him, Have A Belt & Cut Him Off At The Knees
Hit Man Said Hit Me & After Being Dealt Just In Excess Of 21 Hit Dealer With His 22
Hit Man Shot Dealer With 22; Struck Him With 22; Or Shoved Losing 22 Hand In His Face?
Hit Me, I feel Lucky!
Hit Me, Im A Masochist!
Hit Me! Not With That Blackjack You Fool, With A Blackjack Card!
Hitch Your Wagon To A Star [Ralph Waldo Emerson]
Hitler, Farter Of The Third Reich [A Full-Blown Fhrer/ Fuehrer]
Hittin The Sac
Hitting Below The Belt
Hitting The Wall [Runners]
Hitting You Below The Belt Calls For You Cutting Him Off At The Knee
Hoary Bat
Hobgoblin Of Little Minds
Hobo Intelligentsia
Hock Mier En Chinik: Yammer About Bunk, Beat Dead Horse [Yiddish-Bang On Tea Kettle]
Hockin A Loogie
Hocus Honesty
Hocus-Pocus
Hocus Sobriety
Hold That Squeeze Delays Milk Souring By Storing It In The Cow
Hold That Thought
Hold That Thought, Dont Drop It!
Hold That Thought Translation: Shut Up!
Hold That Thought Translation: Well Get Back To You
Hog Wild
Hogan [Bush II For Republican Presidential Candidate John Mc Cain]
Hogans Heroes
Hoken A Chainik - Talking Your Ear Off [Banging On The Teapot]
Hold Fast To Dreams, Without Dreams Life Is A Broken-Winged Bird That Cannot Fly
Hold Your Horses
Hole & Corner
Hole & Corner Intrigue
Hole & Corner Life
Hole Card
Hole Diggers & Parachutists Are Only Jobs Where You Start At The Top
Hole In Corner
Hole In Nudist Camp Wall Being Looked Into By Police
Hole In One
Hole In The Wall
Hole Out
Hole Up
Holes Are Nothing At All, But You Can Break Your Neck & Your Future In One
Holey Holystone
Holistic Healing
40

Holistic Medicine
Holland Is A Synecdoche For The Kingdom Of The Netherlands
Hollow Point
Holly Hole
Holly Holy
Holly Whole
Hollywood Cliffhangers Lexicographically Caused Fall Of Precipice & Rise Of Fiscal Cliff
Holonym For Brim & Crown [Hat]
Holy
Holy Communication
Holy Communion
Holy Cow! [Sacred In Hinduism]
Holy Crap!
Holy Dooly
Holy Eucharist
Holy Excommunication
Holy Hell
Holy Hole
Holy Holly
Holy Innocents' Day
Holy Joe
Holy Land
Holy Macanoli! [Punky Brewster]
Holy Mackerel [Circa 1803 - From Catholics' Holy Mary As Were Friday Fish Eaters?]
Holy Mackerel, Batman! [1960's TV]
Holy Mackerel, Oxymoron As Nothing Holy About That Smell Of This 'Smellier Fish'
Holy Mary!
Holy Maltrimony Pale Ale: Ingredients 'Water, Barley, Hops, Yeast, Ball, Chain, Etc.'
Holy Moley [Circa 1892 Favorite Of Captain Marvel]
Holy Moly [Greek Gods Herb]
Holy Moses!
Holy Of Holies
Holy Oxymoron!
Holy Roller
Holy Rollers, A Gang Of Card Carrying Card Counting Christians
Holy Roman Empire
Holy Roman Empire Is Neither Holy, Nor Roman, Nor An Empire [Voltaire]
Holy Sacrament
Holy Saturday
Holy Scripture
Holy See
Holy Shit!
Holy Shit, She Built Like A Brick Shithouse!
Holy Smoke!
Holy Terror
Holy Trinity
41

Holy War
Holy War Warriors [Laskar Jihad]
Holy Water
Holy Water Is Made By Boiling The Hell Out Of It!
Holy Whole
Holy Year
Holystone
Home Is Where Part Of Family Waits For Rest Of Family To Bring Back The Car
Home Is Where The Heart Is
Home Is Where Your Personal Hotspot Resides
Home Made
Home Office
Home School
Home Surgery Kit Available Via Mail Order Is Called Suture Self
Home Work
Homeland Security
Homeland Security Labels Mother Nature Terrorist For Fracturing Washington Monument
Homeland Security Rejects Mother Natures Defense That She Was Just Doing Her Thing
Homeland Security To Deport Mother Nature, Green Grass Does Not Serve As Green Card
Homeland Security's Hundreds Of Online Threat Keywords Include Cloud, Pork & Mexico
Homeless Shelter
Homeopathic Medicine
Homosexuals Wont Play Chess Because They Won't Sacrifice A Queen
Hometown
Homework
Homo Sausage Growing [Japanese Meat Product]
Homosexual Marriage Oxymoronic [Volubrjotr]
Hondle, Yiddish For I Haggled Him Down But He Still Tripled His Money, That Gonif!
Honor Blackman, Pussy Galore Of Goldfinger Fame Real Oxymoronic Name [007 1964]
Honest Abe [Abraham Lincoln]
Honest Bribe
Honest Businessman
Honest Bureaucratic Snafu
Honest Burglar
Honest Cheater
Honest Convict
Honest Conviction
Honest Crook
Honest Graft
Honest Injun
Honest Insurance Companies
Honest Lawyer
Honest Liar
Honest Mistake
Honest Paleface
Honest Politician
42

Honest Politician Is One Who When He's Bought Stays Bought [Simon Cameron]
Honest Salesperson
Honest Services Fraud
Honest Thief
Honestly, I Gotta Be Honest
Honestly Kidding
Honesty Is The Best Image [Ziggy]
Honesty Is The Best Policy
Honesty Is The Best Policy, But Insanity Is A Better Defense
Honesty Is The Best Policy If You Can Pay The Premium
Honesty Is The Key To A Relationship, If You Can Fake It You're In
Honey Is Found By Following Bees, If Not Stung First
Honey Is Mead In Need
Honey Pot
Honey Pot Got Honey Pooh Bear's Tummy Needs
Honey Pot Later, Chamber Pot Now, Pooh Bear Said, My Honey Pot Does Not Hold Pooh!
Honey Pot - Stinky
Honey Pot - Sweet
Honey Trap, Feminine Assets Used To Obtain HUMINT Intelligence Information
Honey Trap, Men & Women Are Equally Adept At Setting One [Phillip Knightley]
Honey Trapping
Honey Trapping Other Men [Castle]
Honey Traps, Men & Women Are ... Equally Vulnerable To Tumbling In [Phillip Knightley]
Hong Kong [Fragrant Harbor]
Honk If You Love Peace & Quiet
Honk If You Want To See My Middle Finger
Honky, Black Term For Whitie, Traced Back To 'Hunky' From Hungarian "Hunk' Or Laborer
Honky Tonk Angel
Honor Your Personality Flaws For Without Them You'd Have None At All
Honorable Criminal
Honorable Sinner
Honorable Villain
Honorificabilitudinitatibus, Longest Word Used In Shakespeare's Works
Hoobert Heever [1931 Harry Von Zell Broadcast]
Hook, Line & Sinker, He Swallowed Her Line & The Poor Fish Tied The Knot
Hook, Line & Sinker, He Swallowed Her Line & The Poor Fish Was Filleted
Hooked On Internet? Help Is Just A Click Away! [Reuters]
Hooker Clone Thrown From Roof - John Arrested For Making Obscene Clone Fall
Hoopoes*
Hooters Opens In Hootersville At The Juncture Of Petticoat Junction & Bustier Lane
Hootie Hoo - Andy Griffiths Lodge Greeting, Now Utterance For From Benign To Ridicules
Hootie Hoo Holler [La Fayette, Georgia Address]
Hootie Hoo - Very Large Woman With Amply Rounded Shape & Too Small/Tight Clothing
Hope For Miracles But Dont Rely On One Praise The Lord & Pass The Ammunition
Hope For The Best, Prepare For The Worst
Hope Inspires The Good To Reveal Itself [Emily Dickinson]
43

Hope Your Next Wife Appreciates The Improvements I've Made In You
Hope Springs Eternal
Hopeful Pessimist
Hopelessly Optimistic
Hophead Hippity Hop Bunny Hops & Humps All His Hippy Hoppy Happy Hours Away
Hopheads Love Dry Hopping To Enhance Hoppy Beers With A Burst Of Hoppy Aroma
Hopheads Love Dry Humping To Enhance Happy Hours With A Burst Of Happy Energy
Hopheads Love Dry Weedy Hemp To Enhance Hops Though They Be Humpty-Dumptied
Hoplophobia - Fear Of Hopalong Cassidy's Six-Shooters & Other Firearms
Horned Frog
Hore's Clothing Stores [Wexoford, Ireland]
Horn Blower
Horn Broken, Watch For Middle Finger [Bumper Sticker]
Hornbill
Hornswoggle
Horny [Bush II For White House Speechwriter Jonathan Horn]
Horny Coral
Horny Frog
Horny Harry
Horny Horny Frog
Horrible Ending Is Better Than Having Horrors Without End
Horribly Decent
Horror Comics
Hors dOeuvre, A Ham Sandwich Cut Into Forty Pieces [Jack Benny]
Horse Feathers
Horse Feathers No, Dinosaur Feathers Yes! [Carnegie Museum Of Science]
Horse Fly
Horse Is Fun If It's Your Own, Wife If She's Someone Else's
Horse Sense
Horse Sense Is The Thing A Horse Has Which Keeps It From Betting On People [W. C. Fields]
Horseless Headman
Horseless Headsman Snickered Into Reverting Back To Headless Horseman [Snickers Adv]
Horses Are Bridled, Yet Our Brides Have Become Unbridled
Horses Are 'Dangerous At Both Ends & Crafty In The Middle [Sherlock Holmes 2011]
Horse's Ass
Horse's Assery [The Mentalist]
Horses' Asses Exceed Number Of Horses, Study Shows
Horses For Courses
Horses, I Wouldnt Want Anything With Mind Of Its Own Bobbing Between My Legs [SH11]
Horseshoe Hung In Bedroom Keep Nightmares Away
Hose A &Hose B Were The Sons Of A Mexican Fireman
Hospital Food
Hospital Hospitality
Hospital Is No Place To Be Sick [Samuel Goldwyn]
Hospital Reported Regarding Boy Who Swallowed Coins: No Change Yet
Hospital Without Maternity Nurses Has A Mid-Wife Crisis
44

Hospitality Expands To Hospital Mortality


Hospitality Is Making Guests Feel At Home, Even When You Wish They Were
Hospitals Are 'Sued By 7 Foot Doctors,' [Headline - A Tall Tale?]
Host At A Table Where A Guest Is Obliged To Ask, Is A Host Dishonored [Baron Brisse]
Hot & Bothered
Hot & Cold
Hot As Ice
Hot Borscht
Hot Brothel
Hot Brothels For Brothers
Hot Chicken With No Dressing
Hot Chili
Hot Chili Cooled Off But Its Still Hot
Hot Date With Your Right Hand? Hey, It Never Gets A Headache [Battlestar Galactica]
Hot Dog At The Ball Park Is Better Than Steak At The Ritz [Humphrey Bogart]
Hot Girls Last Century Worked At 20th Century Fox
Hot Ice
Hot Ice Cream
Hot Lesbians
Hot Lips Houlihan A Hooligan
Hot Pressed Cuban [All Dressed Up & Ready To Play]
Hot Pressed Cuban [Yummy Sandwich]
Hot Seat
Hot Vichyssoise
Hot Water Down A Rabbit Hole Gets You A Hot Cross Bunny
Hot Water Heater
Hotdog
Hotsie Totsie
House Arrest
House Boat
Housework Ugh! You Do Beds, Wash & 6 Months Later Gotta Start All Over Again [J. Rivers]
Houses Burn Up As They Burn Down
House Cat
House Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand
House Ethics Committee
House Fly
House Is Not A Home
House Plant
House Serving Friends Neither Wine Nor Welcome Soon Will Have None [Rob Hutchison]
House Under Water Mortgagees Are Trying To Stay Afloat
House Under Water Physically In Coastal Florida, Financially Elsewhere
House Under Water When It's Mortgage Exceed Its Value, Or Creek Rises Flooding Its Banks
House Without Toilet Is Uncanny
Houseboat
Houses Under Water Since Housing Bubble Burst [Barak Obama]
Houston, We Have A Problem [Tom Hanks, Apollo 13 Movie]
45

Houston, We've Had A Problem Here [Swigert, Apollo 13 Actual]


How About Never? Is Never Good For You?
How About Slipping Out Of Those Wet Things & Into A Dry Martini? [Noel Coward]
How Can Everyone Hate You When Not Everyone Knows You?
How Can I Leave Without Hurting Everyone Who Made Me? [Regina Spektor]
How Can I Leave Without Hurting Everyone Who Made Me?[Happy Hooker Xaviera Hollander]
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? [Dan Hicks]
How Can I Work 40 Hours A Week & Still Be This Poor?
How Can One Break Your Heart, Yet You Still Love Them With All The Little Pieces?
How Can You Eat Anything With Eyes? [Will Kellogg]
How Can You Govern A Country That Has 246 Kinds Of Cheeses? [Charles De Gaulle]
How Can You Tell A Politician Is Lying? His Lips Are Moving!
How Come Boy Not Good Enough For Your Daughter Fathered World's Smartest Grandchild?
How Come There's Only One Monopolies Commission? [Nigel Rees]
How Come Wrong Numbers Are Never Busy?
How Could Anyone Stoop So Low As To Pick-Pocket A Dwarf?
How Could I Have Burned Paradise?
How Could Virginity Be Imagined To Be A Virtue? [Voltaire]
How-Dee! [Minnie Pearl]
How Did It Get So Late So Soon? [Dr. Seuss]
How Did You Go Over The Hill Without Getting To The Top?
How Did You Spend Your Snow Days? 'I Prayed For More Snow & Snort'
How Do Bankruptcy Lawyers Get Paid?
How Do I Feel? Great, & I Kiss Pretty Good, Too!
How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways
How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways Vaginally, Orally & Anally
How Do I Love Thee? My Accumulator Overflows
How Do I Set A Laser Printer To Stun?
How Do They Get The Deer To Cross At That Yellow Road Sign? [George Carlin]
How Do They Get The Deer To Cross At The Deer Crossing Sign?
How Do You Get A High School Boy To Propose? - Were Going To Have A What ?
How Do You Get A Man To Do Sit Ups? Put The TV Remote Between His Toes
How Do You Tell When You Run Out Of Invisible Ink?
How Do You Ticket A Driverless Car? [NewScientist]
How Do You Feel? I Feel Like A Toohey's [Toohey's Beer]
How Does A Project Get A Year Behind? Why, One Day At A Time [Fred Brooks]
How Does Teflon Stick To The Pan?
How Exceptional Is The Exception That Proves The Rule?
How Far Haven't We Come? [The Inquitr]
How Far Is Too Far?
How Green Were The Nazis? [Franz-Josef Bruggemeier]
How Green Were The Nazis? Now, Now Franz-Josef They Were 'Blut Und Boden'!
How Green Were The Nazis? That Is Franz-Josef , Red & Black For 'Blood & Soil'!
How Hot Is That?
How Is It I Went To Bed Han Solo & Woke Up Obi Wan Kenobi? [Passing Time - Bones]
How Is It Possible To Have A Civil War? [George Carlin]
46

How Many Here Can Perform Telekinesis? Please Raise My Hand!


How Many Husbands Have I Had? You Mean Apart From My Own? [Zsa Zsa Gabor]
How Many Lawyers Does It Take To Fact Check A Politician? God Knows!!!
How Many Oceans Must A Dolphin Swim Through Before He Finds His Porpoise?
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes Lost?
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before They Call Him A Man? [Bob Dylan]
How Many Times Have You Committed Suicide? Next Time Will Be The First!
How Many Weeks In A Light Year? [George Carlin]
How Many Zen Masters To Screw In Light Bulb? None, Spinning Universe Does Screwing
How Minority, Reaching Majority, Seizes Authority & Hates A Minority [Leonard H. Robbins]
How Much Can I Get Away With & Still Go To Heaven?
How Much Longer Papa Smurf?
How Much Wood Could A Woodchuck Chuck If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood?
How Much Wood Could A Woodchuck Chuck . Oh, Chuck It!
How Now Brown Cow? [Oxy Favorite]
How Rude! [Full House]
How Terrible Is Wisdom, When It Brings No Profit To The Wise [Sherlock Holmes 2009]
How The Hell Do You Justify Putting Fun In Dysfunctional?
How To Make A Million? $$$ Start With $3 Million
How To Read A Book [Mortimer J. Adler]
How To Read A Book, But Mortimer, Mustn't You Read This Tome Before You Can Read It?
How To Send People To Hell In 12 Easy Lessons [Sean Phillips]
How To Serve Your Fellow Man - Religious Treatise Or Cannibal's Cookbook?
How To Shit In The Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach To A Lost Art [K. Meyer]
How To Write A How To Write Book [Brian Puddock]
How To Write A How To Write Book Without Really Trying, The Long Awaited Sequel?
How To Write While You Sleep [An 'Autobiography' By Elizabeth Irvin Ross]
How Would You Like To Spend Eternity, Smoking Or Non-Smoking?
How Ya Doin' Lucky? [Alf To Tasty Cat Lucky]
Howard Stern, I Want To See What He'll Say Next ['Private Parts']
Howdy Doody
Howdy Doody To Youdy Toody
Howdy Dowdy
However Beautiful The Strategy, You Should Occasionally Look At The Results [Churchill]
Hubble, Hubble, Hubble Gobbled The Wannabe Turkey Astronaut
Hue & Cry [1285 AD Statute Of Winchester, 13 Edw. I CC. 1 & 4]
Hue & Mei [Said You & Me]: Don't Come Between You & Me! Come In You! Come In Me!
Hug Is The Perfect Gift, One Size Fits All
Hug Me Now, You Mad, Impetuous Fool!!! --- Or Zip Your Fly!
Hug, Only Gift That Cant Be Wrapped &Wraps The Recipient
Huge Market Niche
Huge Shortage
Hukt On Fonix Werkt Fer Me
Human Beings Were Created By Water To Transport It Uphill
Human Brain Exists Merely To Cool The Blood & Is Not For Thinking [Aristotle]
Human Brain, If Little Else, Is An Educational Toy [Tom Robbins]
47

Human Brain Is An Apparatus With Which We Think We Think [Ambrose Bierce]


Human Brain Is Elegant Instrument Of As Yet Unknown Capacity [Stuart Seaton]
Human Brain Starts Working At Birth & Only Stops Upon Speaking In Public [George Jessel]
Human Brain Starts Working At Wakeup & Stops Upon Reaching Office [Robert Frost]
Human Brain Thinks, Therefore It Is [Ren Discardes]
Human Brain Uses Equivalent Of 250 M&M's Of Glucose Each Day
Human Doll
Human Evolution
Human History Is More & More A Race Between Education & Catastrophe [H. G. Wells]
Human Iceberg [Benjamin Harrison]
Human Mind Treats New Idea As Body Treats Strange Protein, It Rejects It [P. Medawar]
Human Nature
Human Nature Has Us Pressing Harder On Remote Control Button When Battery Is Dead
Human Race Has One Really Effective Weapon & That Is Laughter [Mark Twain]
Human Race Never Solves Any Of Its Problems, It Only Outlives Them
Human Race, Which, Of Course, Is Not A Race At All, Is Enamoured With The Rat Race
Human Race Will Eventually Die Of Civilization [Ralph Waldo Emerson]
Human Robot
Human Stupidity Is Safe From Obsolescence Caused By Computers
Humane Death
Humane Euthanasia
Humane Killer
Humane Killing
Humane Robotics
Humane Slaughter
Humane Society
Humane War
Humanitarian Invasion
Humanity Is Acquiring The Right Technology For All The Wrong Reasons [R.B. Fuller]
Humanity Is Composed But Of Two Categories, Invalids & Nurses [Richard Brinsley Sheridan]
Humanoid
Humans Are So Strange. Mine Lies Still In Bed, Then Screams.
Humans Are So Strange. My Claws Are Not That Sharp [Cat Haiku]
Humans Deny Other Species Language Understanding, Reasoning Ability, Tool Use [Jas. Holt]
Humans Deny Other Species Moral Significance & Even Perceptual Consciousness [Jas. Holt]
Humans Need To Be Eliminated 'In The Data-Processing Chain' [Stuart Luman Seaton]
Humble Opinion
Humble Pedantry
Humble Pie
Humble, That's Me... Mr. Modesty; When It Comes To Humility, I'm The Greatest [Bullwinkle]
Humbly Bold
Humility Is The First Of The Virtues - For Other People [Oliver Wendell Holmes]
Humor Is Contagious, Laughter Is Infectious & Both Are Good For Your Health
Humor Is Just Another Defense Against The Universe [Mel Brooks]
Humor Is Mankind's Greatest Blessing [Mark Twain]
Hump Day
48

Humpty Dumpty Dry Humped Dumpy Damsels


Humpty Dumpty Had A Great Fall, After A Mediocre Summer
Humpty Dumpty, Hold It Together!
Humpty Dumpty Was Pushed
Hun, For Kraut Soldiers Who In Boxer Rebellion Kaiser Wilhelm Exhorted To 'Be Like Huns'
Hunger Drives The Wolf Out Of The Wood [French Proverb]
Hunger Is The Best Sauce [French Proverb]
Hungry Clock Goes Back Four Seconds
Hungry Dwarf Finally Under Suspicion When Number Of Dwarfs Reduced From 50 To 7!
Hungry Stomach Seldom Scorns Plain Food [Horace]
Hunkey Dorey
Hunt Elephants: Sell What's Best For Goldman Sachs Not What's Best For Clients
Hurricane Karen [Bush II For Special Advisor Karen Hughes]
Hurried Patient
HurryCane [Standing Folding Walking Cane]
Hurts So Good [John Cougar Mellancamp]
Husband Is Always The Last To Know
Husbands Are Like Fires, They Go Out When Left Unattended [Zsa Zsa Gabor]
Husbands Come & Go But The Chanel Slingback High Heel Is Forever
Husband's Internet Date Turns Out to Be His Wife [PA Headline]
Hussein Brought Up On Charges Of Saddamy
Hustle A/K/A Bamboozle, Bunko, Con, Con Game, Flim-Flam, Gaffle, Grift, Scam & Swindle
Hustle Night & To The Daylight Selling White
Hustle, Were Late! Flight's On-Time, Overbooked & We Must First Hustle Tickets & Seats
Hustled Through College But Not In The Way You Think - I Did The Hustle [1970's Dance]
Hustled Through College Just The Way You Thought, Till I Pregged Out
Hustler Magazine Provides Extra Revenue For Hustlers & Playboy For Playgirls
Hustling The Bereaved [John Edward]
Hustling The Chow Line
Hybrid Car
Hydrogen & Stupidity Are Two Most Common Things In The Universe
Hydrogen Atom Claiming It Lost Its Electron Was Positive!
Hydrogen Atom Who Lost Electron, When Asked Are You Sure?, Replied 'Im Positive'
Hydrogen Atom's Friend Replied 'Oh, I Thought You Were Just Being Negative Again'
Hyenas Laugh Because They Know What's Coming Next
Hymietown, New York City 1984 [Jesse Jackson]
Hyper
Hyper-Narcissistic
Hyperactive
Hyperforeignisms, Botched Foreignizing Attempts Such As Latt & The Colbe Repo
Hyperspace
Hypochondria Is The Only Disease I Haven't Got
Hypocrisy Is The Vaseline Of Social Intercourse
Hypodeemic Nerdle [Kniferism & Forkerism]
Hypothetical Situations
Hypothetical Reality
49

Hypothetically Speaking
Hypothetically Speaking? I Never Learned To Speak Hypothetical [Star Trek Next Generation]
Hyundai Is The Fastest [Car On The Road, Or At Least 5th Fastest Under $30,000 - Forbes]
Hyundai Is The Fastest [Growing Car Brand For Two Years Running - Wikipedia 2011]

I
I-95 Toyota 20 Year, 200,000 Mile Warranty - Not Found Anywhere Else [Brunswick, GA]
I Ain't Bothered By Parts Of The Bible I Can't Understand, But By Those I Do ['Twain-ish']
I Ain't Goin' On No Damn Plane, Fool! [The A-Team]
I Almost Had A Psychic Girlfriend But She Left Me Before We Met
I Always Advise People Never To Give Advice [P. G. Wodehouse]
I Always Lie & That's The Truth
I Always Say The Truth & That's The Lie
I Always Wanted To Be A Procrastinator
I AM [G-d]
I Am A Deeply Superficial Person [Andy Warhol]
I Am A Nobody, Nobody Is Perfect; Therefore I Am Perfect
I Am A Pirate King! You Are! Hoorah For The Pirate King! [Gilbert & Sullivan]
I Am Always Ready To Learn Although I Do Not Always Like Being Taught [W. Churchill]
I Am At One With My Duality
I Am Busy Doing Nothing
I Am Curious Yellow! That So? I Am Curious Blue! [Swedish-1967 & 68]
I Am Easily Satisfied With The Very Best
I Am Henery The 8th I Am, I Am!, Im Her 8th Old Man Named Henery [Murray & Weston]
I Am Is Reportedly Shortest English Sentence & I Do The Longest?
I Am Legend
I Am Not A Crook [Richard Nixon]
I Am Number 4, They Killed #1 In Malaysia. #2 In England & #3 In Kenya [Lorien Legacies]
I Am Offering 100% Free Information Every Day For As Little As $$$ Per Month
I Am Opinionated Yet Open-Minded
I Am Outta Here!
I Am Selfish Yet Love With My Whole Heart & Soul
I Am Strong Yet Sometimes Stubborn
I Am Superficially A Deeply Spiritual Person
I Am What I Am, I Am I Am Good, I Am I Am Strong, I Am I Am Somebody [Gloria Gaynor]
I Am What I Am, I Am I Am Useful, I Am I Am True, I Am I Am Worthy [Gloria Gaynor]
I Am What I Am, Or 'I Yam What I Yam' [Popeye The Sailor Man]
I AM WHO I AM
I AM WHO I AM & You Are Who You Are & She Is Who She Is!
I AM WHO I AM G-d Told Moses, So He Saith I AM Has Sent Me To You[Exodus 3:14]
I Am/Will Be What I Am/Will Be - Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh [Exodus 3:14, Complete Jewish Bible]
*I Am That I Am [Exodus 3:14, King James Version]
*I Am That Which I Am [Exodus, Young's Literal Translation]
*I Am The Eternal God [Exodus 3:14, Contemporary English Version]
*I Am The One Who Always Is [Exodus 3:14, New Living Translation]
*I Am What I Am [Exodus 3:14, Bible In Basic English]
50

*I Am Who I Am [Exodus 3:14, New International Version & New King James Version]
*I Shall Be That I Shall Be [Exodus 3:14, Julia Smith Translation]
*I Shall Come To Be Just As I Am Coming To Be [Exodus 3:14, Concordant Literal Version]
*I Will Be What I Will Be [Exodus 3:14, The Illustrated Guide To The Bible]
*I Will Become Whatsoever I Please [Exodus 3:14, Rotherham Emphasized Bible]
I Am Zertain Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh Vvvouldnt Approve Of Zzzhese, Count Vertigo Zuttered
I Am Zertain HE Is Not I AM, Nor Any Other Of Zzzhis Mishmash Of English Approximations
I Am Zertain HE Only Is & Vvvill Remain Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh, Vertigo Dervishly Spun
I Assume Full Responsibility For My Actions, Except Where Someone Else is At Fault
I Assume Full Responsibility For My Actions, If You Can Catch Me!
I Assure You I Am A Constant Liar
I Avoid Prophesying Beforehand, Better To Prophesy After The Event [Winston Churchill]
I Awlyas Tghuhot Slpeling Was Ipmorantt!!! 55 Plepoe Out Of 100 Can Raed This!!!
i.Beat Blaxx [German Mp3 Player]
I Beat Everyone Else To The Zoo's Garage Sale & Got The Lions Chair, Sit On That!
I Became Insane, With Long Intervals Of Horrible Sanity [Edgar Allen Poe]
I Believe Five Out Of Four People Have Trouble With Fractions
I Believe In Censorship, I Made A Fortune Out Of It [Mae West]
I Believe In God, Only I Spell It Nature [Frank Lloyd Wright]
I Believe Sometimes In As Many As Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast [Alice]
I Believe They're 1)Drinks That Shrink You, 2)Foods That Grow You, 3)Talking Animals
I Believe They're 4)Disappearing Cats, 5)Place Called Underland, 6)Slaying Jabberwocky
I Belong To No Organized Party, Im A Democrat [Will Rogers]
I Bet The Human Brain Is A Kludge [Marvin Minsky]
I Bet The Human Brain Is A Kludge, Best Manipulated By Cudgel
I Brake For No Apparent Reason [Bumper Sticker]
I Came For Leave
I Can Distinctly Remember Forgetting That [Clara Barton]
I Can Give You A Definite Perhaps [Samuel Goldwyn]
I Can Keep Secrets, It's Those I Tell Them Who Can't [Anthony Haden-Guest]
I Can Not Tell A Lie
I Can Not Tell A Lie, I Take The Fifth
I Can Not Tell A Lie, So I Prevaricate
I Can Not Tell A Lie, The Cherry Destroyation Is A Bedtime Story
I Can Not Tell A Lie, The Cherry Tree Story Is A Lie
I Can Not Tell A Lie, What Cherry Tree?
I Can Please Only One Person Per Day & Neither Today Or Tomorrow Is Your Day
I Can Prove Anything By Statistics - Except The Truth [George Canning]
I Can Read Writin' & Readin', Too [Li'l Abner]
I Can Read Writin' & Write Readin'
I Can Remember When The Air Was Clean & Sex Was Dirty [George Burns]
I Can Resist Everything Except Temptation [Oscar Wilde]
I Can Teach My Cat Any Trick She Wants To Do!
I Can Tell You're Lying, Your Lips Are Moving
I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Thing! [Alka Seltzer]
I Can't Believe I Gave My Panties To A Geek [Sixteen Candles, 1984]
51

I Cant Complain, But Sometimes I Still Do


I Cant Get It Down! Damn That Viagra!
I Cant Get It Up!
I Cant Get Up!
I Can't Mate In Captivity [Gloria Steinem On Not Marrying]
I Can't Remember Having A More Memorable Time
I Cant Stand Drinking - I Keep Falling Down
I Can't Teach Anybody Anything, I Can Only Encourage Them Think [Socrates]
I Can't Understand It, I Can't Even Understand Those Who Can Understand It [Queen Juliana]
I Carry Your Heart With Me, I Carry It In My Heart [E.E. Cummings]
I Childproofed My House, But They Still Get In
I Considered Going Into The Ministry But I Didn't Have An Altar Ego
I Coulda Had Class Been A Contender Not Been A Bum [On The Waterfront, 1954]
I Couldn't Care Less About Apathy
I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your Horn Louder
I Could've Eaten Alpha-Bits & Crapped Out A Better Essay!
I Cried Myself To Sleep
I Deserve Respect For The Things I Did Not Do
I Destroy My Enemies When I Make Them My Friends [Abraham Lincoln]
I Detest What You Write, But Would Give My Life For You To Continue To Write [Voltaire]
I Didn't Ask To Be A Princess, But Hey If The Crown Fits...
I Didn't Attend The Funeral, But I Sent A Nice Letter Saying I Approved Of It [Mark Twain]
I Didn't Discover Curves, I Only Uncovered Them [Mae West]
I Didn't Discover Curves, I Only Threw Them!
I Didn't Do Anything Wrong & I Won't Do It Again
I Didn't Expect Her To Counter My Plan With Nakedness [Riff]
I Didnt Fail The Test, Just Found 100 Ways To Do It Wrong [Benjamin Franklin]
I Didn't Fight My Way To The Top Of The Food Chain To Be A Vegetarian
I Didn't Keep Score, But It Could Have Been Twenty
I Didn't Say It Was Your Fault, I Said I Was Going To Blame You
I Didnt Take My Clothes Off, She Said. Thank God, He Blurted!
I Die Every Day
I Disagree With Unanimity
I Disapprove Of What You Say, But I Will Defend To Death Your Right To Say It [Voltaire-ish]
I Distinctly Remember Forgetting That [Clara Barton ]
I Do Everything even Taking Out The Trash [Pepper Potts Showing Christine Out - Iron Man]
I Don't Approve Of Political Jokes, I've Seen Too Many Of Them Get Elected
I Don't Believe In Dining On An Empty Stomach [W.C. Fields]
I Don't Believe In God, But Im Afraid Of Him [The Usual Suspects, 1995]
I Don't Blow But Im A Fan, Look At Me Swing, Ring A Ding Ding [Blossom Dearie]
I Don't Care To Belong To A Club That Accepts People Like Me As Members [Groucho Marx]
I Don't Care What You Say About Me As Long As You Spell My Name Right [Geo M. Cohan]
I Don't Care Who Does The Electing As Long As I Get To Do The Nominating [Boss Tweed]
I Don't Care Who You Are, Get Those Reindeers Off My Roof!
I Don't Deserve This Award, But I Have Arthritis & Don't Deserve That Either [Jack Benny]
I Don't Drink, It Makes Me Feel Much Too Good
52

I Dont Exaggerate, I Just Remember Bigger Than Most People Do


I Don't Fear Computers, I Fear The Lack Of Them [Isaac Asimov]
I Don't Get Mad, I Just Get Even
I Don't Get Mad, Well Maybe A Tad, But When Im Sad Im Bad!
I Don't Give A Damn For A Man That Can Only Spell A Word One Way [Mark Twain]
I Don't Hate My Ex-Wife, I Worship The Quicksand She Walks On
I Don't Have A Bank Account As I Don't Know My Mother's Maiden Name [Paula Poundstone]
I Don't Have A License To Kill, I Have A Learner's Permit [007, Jr]
I Don't Have An Attitude Problem, You Have A Perception Problem
I Don't Have To Take This, I'm Going Home [ Steve Urkel]
I Don't Know Anything About Music. In My Line You Don't Have To [Elvis Presley]
I Don't Know How I Got Over The Hill Without Getting To The Top [Will Rogers]
I Don't Know, I Don't Care & It Doesn't Make Any Difference
I Don't Know Key To Success, But Key To Failure Is To Try To Please Everyone [Bill Cosby]
I Don't Know What I Do Know
I Don't Know What I Dont Know
I Don't Know What Makes You So Dumb, But It's Still Really Working
I Don't Know Where Im Going, But Im On My Way [Voltaire]
I Don't Like That Man, I Must Get To Know Him Better [Abraham Lincoln]
I Don't Like To Eat Snails, I Prefer Fast Food [Strange De Jim]
I Dont Mind Coming To Work, But That 8 Hour Wait To Go Home Is A Bitch!
I Don't Mind Going Nowhere As Long As It's An Interesting Path [Ronald Mabbitt]
I Don't Mind Taking A Risk, As Long As I Know Everything Will Turn Out Okay
I Dont Need To Be Reminded Of My Age, I Have A Bladder To Do That [Stephen Fry]
I Don't Need Your Attitude, I Have One Of My Own
I Dont Regard A Broker As A Member Of The Human Race [Honore De Balzac]
I Don't See Much Of Alfred Anymore Since He Got So Interested In Sex [Mrs. Alfred Kinsey]
I Don't Spit In Your Drink, Why Do You Smoke In My Air?
I Don't Suffer From Insanity, I Enjoy Every Minute Of It [Bumper Sticker]
I Don't Suffer From Stress, Im The Carrier!
I Don't Think Anyone Should Write Their Autobiography Until After They're Dead [Goldwyn]
I Don't Think Much Of A Man Who Is Not Wiser Today Than He Was Yesterday [Lincoln]
I Don't Think, Therefore I Am Not
I Don't Think You're A Fool, But Thousands Of Others Can't Be Wrong!
I Don't Want A Pickle, I Just Wanna Ride On My Motorsickle [Arlo Guthrie]
I Dont Want To Be Afraid, It Scares Me! [Hot Lips MASH]
I Don't Want To Die, I Just Want To Ride On My Motorcy-Cle [Arlo Guthrie]
I Dont Want To Go To Heaven, None Of My Friends Are There [Oscar Wilde]
I Don't Work Here, Im A Consultant
I Doubt, Therefore I Might Be
I Drank At 18 & Voted At 21, But Today Its Topsy-Turvy, Id Drink At 21 & Vote at 18!
I Dreamed I Stopped Traffic In My Maidenform Bra
I Drink To Make Other People Interesting
I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol
I Enjoy Any Joint -- Where There's Jive [Blossom Dearie]
I Enjoy Any Joint With My Jive
53

I Exercise Extreme Self Control, Gin Is The Strongest I Drink Before Breakfast [W.C. Fields]
I Fear My Inferiority Complex Is Inferior To Yours
I Fear Not Death, Id Been Dead Billions Of Years Before Birth Without Any Inconvenience
I Feel Better Having Screamed, Don't You? [REM]
I Feel Like A 20-Year-Old, But There's Never One Around
I Feel So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here [Stephen Bishop]
I Feel Sorry For Your Little Brain, All Alone In That Great Big Head
I Feel The Numbness Around
I Fell Into A Pot Hole & Found I Was Ungrounded & High
I Find Out What The World Needs, Then, I Go Ahead & Invent It [Thomas Edison]
I First Look For Myself In The Obituaries, If Im Not There I Go To Work [A.E. Matthews]
I Flit, I Float, I Fleetly Flee, I Fly [Sound Of Music - 'So Long, Farewell']
I Flushed But You're Still Here!
I Forget If I Had Amnesia
I Fought The Lawn & The Lawn Won
I Generally Avoid Temptation Unless I Cant Resist It [Mae West]
I Get Enough Exercise Just By Pushing My Luck & Jumping To Conclusions
I Get No Respect [Rodney Dangerfield]
I Get To Go To Lots Of Overseas Places, Like Canada [Britney Spears]
I Give Myself Very Good Advice, But I Very Seldom Follow It [Alice]
I Go Where I'm Towed II [Stenciled On Trailer]
I Got A Sweater For Christmas, I Really Wanted A Screamer Or A Moaner
I Got Arrested In LA & Boy Am I Beat!
I Got Punky Power!!! [Punky Brewster]
I Guess The Only Way To Stop Divorce Is To Stop Marriage [Will Rogers]
I Had A Life Once, Now I Have A Computer & A Modem
I Had Amnesia Once - Or Twice
I Had To Abandon Free Market Principles To Save The Free Market System [George W. Bush]
I Had No Choice
I Hang Around The Band, Poppin' My Thumbs, Diggin' The Drums [Blossom Dearie]
I Has Spoken! [Mammy Yoakum]
I Hate Clichs Because 'They're A Dime A Dozen'
I Hate, Hate! [Grumpy Smurf]
I Hate Indian Givers...No Wait, I Take That Back
I Hate Intolerant People
I Hate It As The Devil Hates Holy Water
I Hate Love
I Hate People But I Love Gatherings [Edna St. Vincent Millay]
I Hate Quotations, Quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson
I Hate Rock N Roll! [Rowdy Roddy Piper]
I Hate The Devils Holy Wars
I Hate When That Happens [Billy Crystal]
I Hate Whiners
I Hate Work, That's Why I Got Married [Peg Bundy]
I Hate You As Much As I Love You
I Hate You Because I Love You
54

I Have A Drinking Problem, I Can't Afford It!


I Have A Drinking Problem - The Bars Close At 2 AM!
I Have A Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusted Open
I Have A Strong Will But A Weak Wont
I Have A Terrible Memory, I Never Forget A Thing [Edith Konecky]
I Have A Twin Brother - He's Identical, But Im Not
I Have An Excellent Idea, LETS CHANGE THE SUBJECT [Alice-March Hare]
I Have Flabby Thighs, But Fortunately My Stomach Covers Them [Joan Rivers]
I Have Great Faith In Fools, Self-Confidence Is My Greatest Strength
I Have Had A Dream Past The Wit Of Man To Say What Dream It Was [Shakespeare]
I Have Had A Perfectly Wonderful Evening, But This Wasn't It
I Have Learned Kindness From The Unkind [Gibran Kahlil Gibran]
I Have Learned Silence From The Talkative [Gibran Kahlil Gibran]
I Have Learned Toleration From The Intolerant [Gibran Kahlil Gibran]
I Have Left Orders To Be Awakened 'Even If Im In A Cabinet Meeting' [Ronald Reagan]
I Have Made Mistakes, But Never Mistakingly Claiming I Never Made One [James G. Bennet]
I Have Never Killed A Man, But I Have Read Many Obituaries With Great Pleasure [Darrow]
I Have Not Failed, I've Just Found 10, 000 Ways That Won't Work [Thomas Edison]
I Have Not Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere [Bumper Sticker]
I Have Nothing To Declare, Except My Genius [Oscar Wilde's Customs Declaration]
I Have Never Let My Schooling Interfere With My Education [Mark Twain]
I Have Not Yet Begun To Begin
I Have Not Yet Begun To Begin The Beguine
I Have Not Yet Begun To Fight
I Have Not Yet Begun To Procrastinate
I Have Nothing But Respect For You & Not Much Of It [Groucho Marx]
I Have Often Regretted My Speech, Never My Silence
I Have Seen The Future And It Doesn't Work [Robert Fulford]
I Have Taken More Out Of Alcohol Than Alcohol Has Taken Out Of Me [Winston Churchill]
I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha
I Have The Body Of A Goddess Marilyn Monroe
I Have The Power!!! [He-Man]
I Have This Nagging Fear That Everyone Is Out To Make Me Paranoid
I Havent Lost My Mind. Its Backed Up On Tape Somewhere
I Haven't Slept For Ten Days, Because That Would Be Too Long [Mitch Hedberg]
I Hear & I Forget; I See & I Remember; I Do & I Understand [Confucius]
I Hear What You Say Conveys The Misconception 'He Accepts My Point Of View'
I Hear What You Say Really Means 'I Disagree & Do Not Want To Discuss It Any Further'
I Hear You! [But I Dont Believe You]
I Hear You! [Im Not Out Of Earshot]
I Hope Life Isn't A Big Joke, Because I Don't Get It [Jack Handey]
I Hope Oil & Coal Havent Run Out Before We Tackle Solar Energy [Thomas Edison]
I Intend To Live Forever, Or Die Trying [Groucho Marx]
I Intend To Live Forever - So Far, So Good
I Intend To Set Up A Thousand-Year Reich [Hitler 1931]
I Invented The Internet, Or In Congress 'I Took Initiative In Creating The Internet'? [Al Gore]
55

I Just Got Lost In Thought, It Was Unfamiliar Territory


I Just Had One Of My Brilliant Ideas [Blair Warner - Facts Of Life]
I Killed A Six-Pack Just To Watch It Die, It Beerly Took An Hour!
I Know How To Please A Woman Then Please Leave Me Alone
I Know Im Paranoid, But Am I Paranoid Enough? [Tom Clancy]
I Know It All, I Just Can't Remember How To Access More Than Bits & Pieces
I Know It All, I Just Can't Remember It Simultaneously Or Consecutively
I Know Karate, Kung Fu, Taekwondo & Several Other Japanese Words
I Know Nothing About Sex Because I Was Always Married [Zsa Zsa Gabor]
I Know Sweet FA About It
I Know Sweet Fanny Adams About It
I Know That Duuude! [Fast Times At Ridgmont High]
I Know That I Know Nothing
I Know You Are, But What Am I? [Pee-Wee Herman]
I Know You'll Do The Honest Thing, You'll Lie! [House]
I Know What You're Thinking & You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself
I Know You're Nobody's Fool, But Maybe You'll Be Adopted Some Day
I Learned To Spell Hors D'oeuvres, Grating As It Is On People's N'oeuvres [Warren Knox]
I Left It Right There
I Left My Wife With 48 Kids
I Lift My Leg & Whiz On Each Bush - Hello, Spot, Sniff This & Weep [Dog Haiku]
I Like Being Single, Im Always There When I Need Me
I Like Cats Too, Let's Exchange Recipes
I Like Ike [Dwight D. Eisenhower]
I Like It Well Done, Each Assignment I Give You
I Like It Well Done, My Pork Barreling
I Like It Well Done, My Pork Chop
I Like Long Walks, Especially When They Are Taken By People Who Annoy Me
I Like My Body When It Is With Your Body ... I Like Kissing This & That Of You [E.E.C.]
I Like You, But You Know I've Got No Taste
I Like You, You Remind Me Of When I Was Young & Stupid
I Like You, You Taste Good
I Like Mike [Radio Announcer]
I Like Nonsense, It Wakes Up The Brain Cells [Dr. Seuss]
I Like My Wine Like My Women - Ready To Pass Out [Robin Williams]
I Like The Way Your Mind Malfunctions
I Like To Pay Taxes. With Them I Buy Civilization [Oliver Wendell Holmes]
I Like Work, It Fascinates Me, I Can Sit & Look At It For Hours [Jerome K Jerome]
I Like Your Approach, Now Let's See Your Departure
I Live On Good Food, Not Fine Words [Jean-Baptiste Molire]
I Look At TV, See Everyone There Just Laying In The Bed [Thelonious Monk]
I Lost Twenty Pounds In One Day, I Was In England At The Time
I Love Animals, They're Delicious
I Love California, I Practically Grew Up In Phoenix [Dan Quayle Previewing Sara Palin]
I Love Defenseless Animals, Especially In A Good Gravy
I Love Humanity & Gatherings, But I Hate People [Edna St. Vincent Millay]
56

I Love It When A Plan Comes Together [The A-Team]


I Love My GRITS - Girls Raised In The South
I Love The Women's Movement - Especially When Walking Behind It [Rush Limbaugh]
I Love This Razor So Much, I Bought The Company [Victor Kiam, Remington Shaver Ads]
I Love To Do The Things The Censors Won't Pass [Marilyn Monroe]
I Love You... Me No Longer!!
I Love You Not For Who You Are, But For Who I Become When Im With You
I love You Once, I Love You Twice, I Love You More Than Beans & Rice [Desperate Housewives]
I Love You Only Valentine Cards Can Be Bought In Multi-Packs
I Love You, She Said. When?, He Quickly Inquired! [Sherlock]
I Made A Killing On Wall Street A Few Years Ago, I Shot My Broker [Groucho Marx]
I Majored In Liberal Arts, Will That Be For Here Or To Go?
I Married Beneath Me, As Often As Possible
I Married Miss Right, I Just Didn't Know Her First Name Was Always
I Married My Wife For Her Looks, But Not Those She's Been Givin' Me Lately
I Married My Wife For Her Looks, Those Bedroom Eyes
I Marvel At The Strength Of Human Weakness
I May Appear To Be Just, But Don't Let Appearances Fool You
I May Be Drunk, Miss, But In The Morning Ill Be Sober & Youll Still Be Ugly [Churchill]
I May Be Schizophrenic, But At Least I'll Always Have Each Other
I May Not Always Be Right, But I Am Never Wrong [Samuel Goldwyn]
I Meant To Do That! [Upon Goofing Up]
I Meant What I Said & I Said What I Meant [Dr. Seuss]
I Met The Surgeon General - He Offered Me A Cigarette [C. Everett Koop 1984]
I Must Be Cruel Only To Be Kind [William Shakespeare]
I Must Follow The People. Am I Not Their Leader? [Benjamin Disraeli]
I Need CPR, You Take My Breath Away
I Need It Like A Hole In The Head! [Ich Darf Es Vi A Loch In Kop!]
I Need Someone Really Bad, Are You Really Bad?
I Never Did A Day's Work In My Life, It Was All Fun [Thomas Edison]
I Never Drink By Daylight & Never Refuse A Drink After Dark [H.L. Mencken]
I Never Drink Water Because Of Disgusting Things Fish Do To It [W. C. Fields]
I Never Eat Before Breakfast, Drinking Though ... [W.C. Fields]
I Never Forget A Face, But In Your Case I'll Be Glad To Make An Exception [Groucho Marx]
I Never Give Them Hell, I Just Tell The Truth & They Think It's Hell [Harry Truman]
I Never Hated A Man Enough To Give Him Diamonds Back [Zsa Zsa Gabor]
I Never Liked You & I Always Will [Samuel Goldwyn]
I Never Make Mistakes, I Thought I Did Once, But I Was Mistaken
I Never Put On A Pair Of Shoes Until I've Worn Them At Least Five Years [Samuel Goldwyn]
I Never Repeat Gossip, So Listen Very Carefully When I Speak
I Never Said Most Of The Things I Said [Yogi Berra]
I Never Think Of The Future. It Comes Soon Enough [Albert Einstein]
I Never Turned To Drink, It Seemed To Turn To Me [Brendan Behan]
I Never Worry About Action, But Only About Inaction [Winston Churchill]
I Once Spent A Year In Philadelphia, I Think It Was On A Sunday [W.C. Fields]
I Only Drink To Make Other People More Sociable
57

I Only Go To Work On Days That Don't End In A 'Y' [Robert Paul]


I Only Know One Thing, That I Know Nothing [Socrates]
I Only Have 'Yes' Men Around Me - Who Needs 'No' Men? [Mae West]
I Only Remember Important Things, Whatever They Were
I Owe, I Owe, It's Off To Work I Go...
I Paid Too Much For It, But Its Worth It [Samuel Goldwyn]
I Personally
I Picked A Helluva Week To Quit Drinking/Smoking/Etc [Air Traffic Controller Airplane]
I Pity The Fool! [Mr. T - The A-Team]
I Plan On Living Forever - So Far, So Good
I Play For Keeps! [Night Rider]
I Plead Contemporary Insanity
I Poured Spot Remover On My Dog, Now He's Gone
I Prefer Old Age To The Alternative
I Pretend To Work, They Pretend To Pay Me
I Proposed-To Ida-Ida Refused-Ida Won My Ida-If Ida Used-BurmaShave [Who, Me Or Ida?]
I Put A Dollar In A Change Machine But Nothing Changed
I Quote People To Better Express Myself
I Raised The Walls & I Will Be The One To Knock It Down [REM]
I Read Part Of It All The Way Through [Samuel Goldwyn]
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
I Resent Being Treated As I Deserve To Be!
I Respect The Truth Too Much To Drag It Out On Every Occasion
I Sacrifice To No God Save Myself & My Belly, Greatest Of Deities [Euripides]
I Saved A Girl From Being Attacked Last Night, I Controlled Myself [Rodney Dangerfield]
I Saw A Man, He Danced With His Wife In Chicago, My Home Town [Frank Sinatra]
I See Better When My Eyes Are Closed, But My Heart Is Open
I See What I Eat, Is The Same As, I Eat What I See [Lewis Carroll] - NOT!
I Shall Return [Douglas Macarthur]
I Shot Elephant In My Pajamas. Dont Know How He Got In My Pajamas [Groucho Marks]
I Sleep Better Knowing That If I Lose Count Of The Sheep Scientists Can Clone More
I Sleep Eight Hours A Day & At Least Ten At Night [Bill Hicks]
I Souport Publik Edekashun [Bumper Sticker]
I Speak For The Trees For The Trees Have No Tongues [The Lorax, Dr. Seuss]
I Speak Spanish To God, Italian To Women, French To Men & German To My Horse [Chas V]
I Speak Two Languages, Body & English [Mae West]
I Stand By All The Misstatements That I've Made [Dan Quayle]
I Started Out With Nothing & I Still Have Most Of It Left
I Started Out With Nothing & Now I Have Less
I Started Out With Nothing & Still Have Most Of It Left
I Still Miss My Ex, But My Aim Is Getting Better
I Stink, Therefore I Am
I Stink, Therefore I Think
I Suffer From Chronic Apathy, I'd See A Doctor But I Didn't Really Care
I Suffer Occasional Delusions Of Adequacy
I Take My Sarcasm Very Seriously
58

I Taught I Taw A Puddy Tat [Tweety]


I Tell Myself I'm A Pathological Liar, But I Am Not Sure If I Believe It
I Tell Psychics Send Me Your Bill, You Know My Address
I Think I Should Understand That Better, If I Had It Written Down [Alice]
I Think Im Agnostic, But I Haven't Decided
I Think I'm Having Dj Vu All Over Again
I Think I've Forgotten This Before
I Think Not, Said Descartes To The Bartender's Offer Of A Drink, & Promptly Disappeared
I Think Sex Is Better Than Logic, But Its Just A Feeling, I Can't Prove It!
I Think She Has Reached Her Sexpiration Date
I Think That I Shall Never See A Billboard Lovely As A Tree [Ogden Nash]
I Think That I Think, Therefore I Think That I Am [Cogito Cogito Ergo Cogito Sum]
I Think ThatUnless The Billboards Fall, I'll Never See A Tree At All [Ogden Nash]
I Think, Therefore I Am, Cogito Ergo Sum [Ren Descartes]
I Think, Therefore I Am! I Think?
I Think, Therefore I Listen To NPR
I Think, Therefore Im Not A Politician
I Think, Therefore Im Single
I Think There's A World Market For Maybe Five Computers [IBM Chairman Watson 1943]
I Think This Is The Beginning Of A Beautiful Friendship [Casablanca, 1942]
I Thought Christmas Only Comes Once A Year [007 To Dr. Christmas Jones]
I Thought I Wanted A Career, Turns Out I Just Wanted Paychecks
I Thought I Was Indecisive, But Now Im Not So Sure
I Thought I Was Wrong Once, But It Turns Out I Was Mistaken
I Thought You Were Handsome, Then, Of Course, You Spoke [As Good As It Gets, 1997]
I Told You A Million Times: DON'T EXAGGERATE!
I Told You So, Sweetest Words That Can Cause The Most Of Troubles
I Took An IQ Test & The Results Were Negative [Bumper Sticker]
I Tried Looking For Gold, But It Didn't Pan Out
I Tried Reading The Relaxation Book, But I Kept Falling Asleep [Jim Loy]
I Tried Sniffing Coke But The Ice Cubes Got Stuck In My Nostrils
I Tried To Make The Plump Ladies See The Error Of Their Weighs
I Tripped Over A Hole That Was Sticking Up Out Of The Ground
I Used To Be A Baker, But I Didn't Make Enough Dough
I Used To Be A Banker, But Lost Interest In The Work
I Used To Be A Barber But I Couldn't Cut It
I Used To Be A Blackjack Host, But Was Offered A Better Deal
I Used To Be A Butler, But Found The Work Wasn't My Cup Of Tea
I Used To Be A Candle Maker, But Didnt Know Wick End Was Up
I Used To Be A Carpenter, But Then I Got Bored
I Used To Be A Doctor, But I Got Impatient & Lost Patients
I Used To Be A Fisherman Too, But I Couldn't Live On My Net Income
I Used To Be A Fisherman, But I Got Caught Playing Hooky
I Used To Be A Hotel Clerk, But Then I Had Reservations
I Used To Be A Lumberjack But Got Axed When I Couldn't Hack It
I Used To Be A Marathon Runner, But Couldn't Stand The Agony Of De Feet
59

I Used To Be A Musician But Found I Wasn't Note Worthy


I Used To Be A Nun, But I Got Expelled Because Of My Dirty Habits
I Used To Be A Railroad Conductor, But My Boss Found Out I Wasn't Trained
I Used To Be A Road Digger, But I Got Re-Trenched
I Used To Be A Sanitation Engineer, But The City Dumped Me
I Used To Be A Shoe Salesman, Till They Gave Me The Boot
I Used To Be A Tailor, But Wasn't Suited & Found The Work To Be So-So
I Used To Be A Taxi Driver, But Found I Couldn't Hack It
I Used To Be A Teacher, But Found I Didn't Have Enough Class
I Used To Be A Tennis Instructor, But It Just Wasn't My Racket
I Used To Be A Train Driver But I Got Sidetracked
I Used To Be A Transplant Surgeon, But My Heart Just Wasn't In It
I Used To Be A Velcro Salesman, But Couldn't Stick With It
I Used To Be A Witch But Switched After Trying It For A Spell
I Used To Be An Atheist, Until I Found Out I Was God
I Used To Be Indecisive, But Now Im Not Sure
I Used To Contain Myself, But I Escaped
I Used To Have A Handle On Life & Then It Broke [Bumper Sticker]
I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept Falling Out
I Used To Be Lost In The Shuffle. Now I Just Shuffle Along With The Lost
I Used To Sell Computer Parts, But Then I Lost My Drive
I Used To Smoke, But Now I Just Smolder
I Used To Think I Was Indecisive, But Now Im Not Too Sure
I Used To Work As A Historian Before Realizing There Was No Future In It
I Used To Work At A Muffler Factory, But It Was Exhausting
I Used To Work At Orange Juice Factory, But Was Canned For Not Concentrating
I Used To Work At Starbucks, But I Got Tired Of The Daily Grind
I Used To Work At The Deli But Any Way I Sliced It, I Couldn't Cut The Mustard
I Used To Work At The Shoe Factory But I Just Didn't Fit In
I Used To Work For Budweiser, But Then I Got Canned
I Used To Work For H&R Block, But It Was Just Too Taxing
I Used To Work In A Bakery, But Was Told I Wasn't 'Bread' For It
I Used To Work In A Blanket Factory, But It Folded
I Used To Work In Pool Maintenance, But The Work Was Too Draining
I Wake Up To Dream About You
I Want Either Less Corruption, Or More Chances To Participate
I Want Kind & Understanding Man, Is That Too Much To Ask Of A Millionaire? [Z. Z. Gabor]
I Want My Fair Share & That's All Of It! [Charles G. Koch]
I Want To Die Sleeping Like My Grandfather, Not Screaming Like The Passengers In His Car
I Want Patience & I WANT IT NOW!!!!
I Want To Be A Mystery, Yet Be Known
*I Want To Be A Wanderer, Yet Have A Home
*I Want To Be Famous Yet Unknown
*I Want To Be Together, Yet Alone
I Want To Be Close To You. Can I Fit My Head Inside Your Armpit? [Cat Haiku]
I Want To Die In My Sleep Like My Grandpa, Not Screaming Like His Auto Passengers
60

I Want To Go Where The Hand Of Man Has Never Set Foot [Samuel Goldwyn]
I Want You In My Bed! [Franklin & Bash - 1st Words In New Series By Hot Blonde]
I Want You In My Bed...Come See Me [Franklin & Bash S01E01]
I Want You In My Bed...For A Great Night's SleepAt Mattress Masters [Franklin & Bash]
I Wanted To Be A Stenographer, But They Weren't Short-Handed At The Moment
I Was A Light Eater, But Light Bulbs Have Too Much Roughage & Not Enough Nutrients
I Was A Vegetarian Until I Started Leaning Toward The Sunlight [Rita Rudner]
I Was A Vegetarian Until I Was Infected By Phototropism
I Was Always An Independent, Even When I Had Partners [Samuel Goldwyn]
I Was Born Intelligent, Education Ruined Me ['Twain-ish']
I Was Comfortable Inside These Wounds [Red, Death Of Me]
I Was Dying To Know That...
I Was High On Life, But Eventually I Built Up A Tolerance
I Was Married By A Judge, I Should Have Asked For A Jury [Marx Groucho]
I Was So Much Older Then, Im Younger Than That Now [Bob Dylan]
I Was Snow White, But I Drifted [Mae West]
I Wasn't Kissin' Him, I Was Telling His Lips A Secret
I Will Always Love That False Image I Had Of You
I Will Defend To Your Death, My Right To My Opinion
I Wish For A World Of Peace, Harmony, & Nakedness
I Wish The Buck Stopped Here, I Could Use A Few ...
I Wondered Why The Baseball Was Getting Bigger, Then It Hit Me
I Woke Up This Mornin' & I Got Myself A Beard [Jim Morrison's 3-Week Drugged Sleep]
I Woke Up This Mornin' & I Got Myself A Beer [Alice Cooper-Inspired Jim Morrison]
I Wont Dance, Dont Ask Me [Frank Sinatra]
I Wont Insult Your Intelligence By Suggesting That You Really Believe What You Just Said
I Won't Rise To The Occasion, But I'll Slide Over To It
I Won't Spend So Much Money On Food If You'll Eat Something Else!
I Wont Take An Answer
I Wont Take No For An Answer
I Wont Take Yes For An Answer
I Would Rather Be Mad With The Truth Than Sane With Lies [Bertrand Russell]
I Would Rather Be Vaguely Right Than Precisely Wrong [Keynes]
I Wouldn't Be Paranoid If Everyone Didn't Pick On Me
I Worry That He Who Thought Up Muzak May Be Thinking Up Something Else [Lily Tomlin]
I Would Live In Nonchalance & Insouciance, But For Work Which Is A Nouciance [Nash]
I Would Rather Be In Philadelphia
I Would Rather Be Living In Philadelphia [Faux Epitaph Starting Here Lies W.C. Fields]
I Wouldn't Be Caught Dead With A Necrophiliac
I Wouldnt Do Crack, I Wouldnt Do A Drug Named After A Part Of My Ass [Dennis Leary]
I Wouldn't Be Paranoid If Everyone Didn't Pick On Me
I Yam, What I Yam [Popeye]
I-Zoom Fast Toll Lane Five Mile Speed Limit
Ian Moone, Anagram For I Am No One [CSI]
Iatrogenesis, Inadvertent Adverse Effects Resulting From Medical Treatment & Advice
Iatrogenesis, Caused By Life, Love & Randomness, Is A Medical Oxymoron
61

Iatrogenically Induced Complications Depleted Physician's Malpractice Coverage


IBM Compatible
IBM-Apple Compatible
IC 69 As Seen By Dyslectic
IC 99, UC Ice Cream!
Icarus Airlines
Icarus Airlines For Sunny Flights
Ice Coffee
Ice Cream
Ice Cream Cake
Ice Cream Is Exquisite, What A Pity It Isn't Illegal [Voltaire]
Ice Cream Koan: Own Own Ice Cream? Ill Give It To You - Have None? I'll Take It Away
Ice Market Melted
Ice Tea
Ice Water
Iced
Iced Coffee
Iced Tea
Ichthyophobia - Icky, Itchy Yucky Fear Of Seeing, Touching, Smelling Or Eating Fish
Icy Cool
Icy Greenland
Icy Hot
Icy Hot Patch
I'd Agree With You But Then We Would Both Be Wrong
I'd Ask God For A Bike, But As It Don't Work That Way I Stole It & Asked For Forgiveness
Id Be A Centerfold But For The Staples
Id Discount The Advice You Get What You Pay For
I'd Give My Right Arm To Be Ambidextrous!
I'd Have Insulted You, But You Wouldn't Have Understand Me
I'd Kill For A Nobel Peace Prize
I'd Like To Have More Self-Esteem, But I Don't Deserve It
I'd Like To Live As A Poor Man With Lots Of Money [Pablo Picasso]
I'd Put My Money On The Sun & Solar Energy, What A Source Of Power! [Thomas Edison]
I'd Rather Be Over The Hill, Than Under It
I'd Rather Dance With The Cows When You Came Home [Groucho Marx]
I'd Rather Feel The Pain Than Nothing At All
I'd Rather Go For Welfare Than Warfare
I'd Rather Go Whoring Than Warring
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy [ W. C. Fields]
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than Give Drood A Frontal Lobotomy! [Dickens]
I'd Rather Have A Free Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Pre-Frontal Lobotomy [Dean Martin]
I'd View Things From Your Point Of View, But I Can't Get My Head That Far Up Your Ass
Idea Is To Die Young As Late As Possible [Ashley Montague]
Idealistic Without Illusions [Jackie About JFK]
Idealist Concludes As Rose Smells Better Than Cabbage It'll Make Better Soup [H.L. Mencken]
Idealists Get Mugged By Reality
62

Ideas Can Turn To Dust Or Magic Depending On What Happens Next


Ideas Don't Stay In Your Mind For Long As They're Allergic To Solitary Confinement
Ideas Endure & Prosper In Inverse Proportion To Their Soundness & Validity
Identical Clones
Identical Twins
Identical Twins Cloned
Identical Units Which Test Identically Will Not Behave In Use Identically
Idiosyncrasies Are Exhibited By All Idiots & All Humankind
Idiot Control Trumps Gun Control
Idiot Iterations
Idiot Savant [Learned Idiot]
Idle Gossip
Idle Labor
Idle Work
Idleness Is The Holiday Of Fools
Idly Laborious
Idol Of Ohio [William Mckinley]
If A=1%, B=2%, C= 3%, Etc., What Does 'ATTITUDE' Add Up To? [100%]
If A Battle Cant Be Won Dont Fight It [Rising Sun]
If A Case Of The Clap Spreads Is It Called Applause?
If A Deaf Person Swears, Does His Mother Wash His Hands With Soap? [George Carlin]
If A Job Is Worth Doing It Is Worth Doing Well
If A Leopard Could Cook Would He Ever Change His Pots?
If A Man Deep In The Forest Speaks With No Woman Present, Is He Still Wrong?
If A Man Tells Her Shes Beautiful, Shell Overlook Most Of His Other Lies
If A Man Thinks Not Of What Is Distant, He Will Find Sorrow Near At Hand [Confucius]
If A Man Who Cannot Count Finds A Four-Leaf Clover, Is He Lucky? [Stanislaw J. Lec]
If A Parsley Farmer Is Sued, Can They Garnish His Wages? [George Carlin]
If A Research Project Is Not Worth Doing, It Is Not Worth Doing Well
If A Soda Can Went To College It Would Major In 'Fizz Ed'
If A Stealth Bomber Crashes In A Forest, Will It Make A Sound?
If A Straight Line Fit Is Required, Obtain Only Two Data Points
If A String Has One End, Then It Has Another End
If A Thing Is Done Wrong Often Enough, It Becomes Right
If A Thing Is Worth Doing, It Is Worth Doing Slowly, Very Slowly [Gypsy Rose Lee]
If A Thing Is Worth Doing, It Is Worth Doing Well
If A Thing Is Worth Doing, It Would Have Been Done Already
If A Trend Is Unsustainable It Will Not Be Sustained
If A Turtle Doesn't Have A Shell, Is He Homeless Or Naked? [George Carlin]
If, A Two Letter Word For Futility
If A Vegetarian Eats Vegetables, What Does A Humanitarian Eat?
If Actuarially Chance Of Failure Is 50-50, Failure Will Occur 9 Times Out Of 10
If All Appears To Be Going Well Something Has Been Overlooked
If All Brides Are Beautiful, Where Do Ugly Wives Come From?
If All Is Going Well You Have Obviously Overlooked Something
If All Is Not Lost, Where Is It?
63

If All Seems To Be Going Right, You Obviously Dont Know What The Hell Is Going On
If All Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked Something
If All The World's A Stage, I Want To Operate The Trap Door [Paul Beatty]
If All The World Is A Stage, Wheres The Audience Sitting?
If Already In A Hole, There's No Use Continuing Digging
If An Experiment Works, Something Has Gone Wrong
If Anyone Approaches Intending To Do You Good, Run For Your Life!
If Anything Can't Go Wrong, It Will
If Anything Simply Cannot Go Wrong, It Will Anyway
If At First You DO Succeed, Try Not To Look Astonished!
If At First You Don't Succeed, Blame The Computer
If At First You Don't Succeed, Chainsaw Juggling Is Not For You
If At First You Don't Succeed, Call It Version 1.0
If At First You Don't Succeed, Destroy All Evidence Of Trying
If At First You Don't Succeed, Failure May Be Your Style
If At First You Don't Succeed, Forget Skydiving
If At First You Don't Succeed, Give Up, No Use Being A Damn Fool
If At First You Don't Succeed, Look In The Trash For The Instructions
If At First You Don't Succeed, Order Pizza
If At First You Don't Succeed, Quit! Dont Be A Nut About Success!
If At First You Don't Succeed, Redefine Success
If At First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Is Not For You
If At First You Don't Succeed, Transform Your Data Set
If At First You Don't Succeed, Try A Shorter Bungee
If At First You Don't Succeed, Try Something Else
If At First You Don't Succeed, Try, Try Again
If At First You Don't Succeed Try, Try & Try Again
If At First You Don't Succeed Try, Try & Try Again, & If You Get Tryed Go To Sleep!
If At First You Don't Succeed... You're Doing About Average
If At First You Don't Succeed, Why Try Again?
If At First You Don't Succeed, You Will Never Succeed
If At First You Don't Succeed, You'll Get A Lot Of Advice
If At First You Don't Succeed, You're Doing About Average
If Bankers Can Count, How Come They Have Eight Windows & Only Four Tellers?
If Barbie's So Popular, Why Must You Buy Her Friends? [George Carlin]
If Bare Limbs Or Me Undressed You Like, Why Nobody Will Oppose, Anything Goes
If Black Box Flight Recorder Never Damaged In Crash, Why Isn't Whole Plane Made Like it?
If Bosom Research Had Been Diverted To Space, We Would Be Ogling Bosoms On The Moon
If Both Of Us Thought Alike, One Of Us Would Not Be Necessary
If Brain Was Simple Enough To Understand, Brain Would Be Too Simple To Understand Itself
If Chance Is 50-50 Of Getting Something Right, Probability Is 90% You'll Get It Wrong
If Common Sense Is So Common, Why Is There So Many People With Out It?
If Con Is The Opposite Of ProWhat Is The Opposite Of Progress?
If Drinking & Driving Is Illegal, Then Why Do Bars Have Parking Lots?
If Electricity Comes From Electrons, Does That Mean That Morality Comes From Morons?
If English Can Survive Their Food, They Can Survive Anything [G. B. Shaw]
64

If Everybody Is Thinking Alike, Then Somebody Isn't Thinking [George Patton]


If Everybody Likes You, You're Pretty Dull [Bette Davis]
If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked Something
If Everything's Coming Your Way, You're In The Wrong Lane & Going The Wrong Way
If Everything's Under Control, You're Going Too Slow [Mario Andretti]
If Fifty Million People Believe A Foolish Thing, It Is Still A Foolish Thing [Anatole France]
If Fifty Million People Speak Foolishly It's Still Foolish [B. Russell]
If Flights Are So Safe Why Do They End Up At Terminals?
If Four Out Of Five SUFFER From Diarrhea, One Must Enjoy It!
If French Were Really Intelligent, They'd Speak English, The Lingua Franca [Wilfred Sheed]
If God Did Not Exist It Would Be Necessary To Invent Him [Voltaire]
If God Had Meant Us To Fly He'd Have Given Us Wings
If God Had Meant Us To Fly He'd Have Given Us Wisdom Enough To Invent Wings
If God Intended For Me To Go Naked, He Would Have Made My Skin Fit Better
If God Intended For Us To Be Naked, He Would Have Made Us That Way
If God Intended For Us To Go To Operas, He Would Have Given Us Tickets
If God Intended For Us To Travel Tourist Class, He'd Have Made Us Narrower
If God Is Watching Us, The Least We Can Do Is Be Entertaining
If I Gave A Shit, You'd Be The First Person I'd Give It To
If Happiness Could Be Bought, We'd Probably Be Unhappy At The Price Tag
If He Has Tires Or Testicles, You're Going To Have Trouble [Dick's Last Resort Lady's Room]
If His Brain Was Dynamite, He Couldn't Blow Off His Hat
If Horrific Means To Make Horrible, Then Terrific Mean To Make Terrible?
If I Agreed With You We'd Both Be Wrong
If I Agreed With You, We'd Both Be Wrong
If 'I Am' Is The Shortest Sentence, Is 'I Do' The Longest?
If I Can't Dance I Don't Want To Be In Your Revolution [Emma Goldman T-Shirts]
If I Can't Think Of It & Nobody Else Thinks Of It, It Ain't Gonna Happen
If I Could Drop Dead Right Now, I'd Be The Happiest Man Alive [Samuel Goldwyn]
If I Could Fly As A Bird Who Would I Shit On?
If I Could Just Say A Few Words, I'd Be A Better Public Speaker [Homer Simpson]
If I Dont Come Today, Ill Come Tomorrow [Expecting To Be Expectant Father]
If I Dont Come Today, Ill Come Tomorrow [Procrastinator]
If I Dont Pay Attention To My Feelings, Who Will?
If I Ever Get Rich, I Hope Im Not Real Mean To Poor People, Like I Am Now [Jack Handey]
If I Gave A Shit, You'd Be The First Person I'd Give It To!
If I Had My Druthers [Li'l Abner]
If I Had Thought I Wouldn't Have Done It! Literature ... Said You Can't Do This[3M Post-Its]
If I Knew I'd Live This Long, I'd Have Taken Better Care Of Myself
If I Live, I'll See You Monday, If Not, Tuesday
If I Lived My Life Again, I'd Make The Same Mistakes, Only Sooner [Tallulah Bankhead]
If I Look Confused Its Because Im Thinking [Samuel Goldwyn]
If I Love You, What Business Is It Of Yours? [Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe]
If I Only Had A Little Humility, I Would Be Perfect [Ted Turner]
If I Should Die Before I Wake, I Pray The Lord My Soul To Take
If I Should Wake Before I Die, I'll Have Another Slice Of Pie
65

If I Told You You Had A Gorgeous Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?
If I Try To Be Like Him, Who Will Be Like Me? [Yiddish Proverb]
If I Want Sarcasm I'll Talk To My Children [M To 007]
If I Want Your Opinion, I'll Give It To You
If I Want Your Opinion, I'll Provide The Forms For You To Fill Out
If I Were Two-Faced, Would I Be Wearing This One? [Abraham Lincoln]
If I Worked As Much As Others, I Would Do As Little As They
If I Would Believe What I Read About Myself, I Would Hate My Guts Too [Zsa Zsa Gabor]
If I'd Kept My Mouth Shut I'd Be Free, Thought The Cornered Crook
If I'd Kept My Mouth Shut I'd Be Free, Thought The Hooked Fish
If I'd Observed All The Rules I'd Never Have Got Anywhere [Marilyn Monroe]
If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out Of Jail By Now [Larry King]
If If, Then Then [The Theorem Theorem]
If Ifs & Ands Were Pots & Pans There'd Be No Work For Tinkers
If Ignorance Is Bliss, Then Knock This Smile Off My Face [Zach De La Rocha]
If Ignorance Is Bliss, You Must Be Overjoyed; If Stupidity Is Painful, You Must Be In Agony
If Ignorance Is Bliss, You Must Be Orgasmic
If Ignorance Is Bliss, Why Arent More People Happy?
If I'm Doing A Fake Movie, It's Going To Be A Fake Hit [Argo]
If Im Not Back In Five Minutes...Just Wait Longer [Ace Ventura: Pet Detective 1994]
If Im Reading This Graph Correctly - I'd Be Very Surprised [Stephen Colbert]
If Innocence Can Leave Guilt Can Come
If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It[Bert Lantz]
If It Ain't Fixable, Don't Brake It
If It Can Be Borrowed & Broken, It Will Borrowed & Broken
If It Can Be Done By One 'It Is Superfluous To Do It By Several Means' [Thomas Aquinas]
If It Can Be Understood, It's Not Finished Yet
If It Can Break, It Will, But Only After The Warranty Expires
If It Doesnt Get Better, Itll Get Worse
If It Can Go Wrong It Probably Already Has
If It Doesn't Work It Is Physics
If Its Done At The Right Time, Its Not A Sin
If It Feels Good, Don't Do It
If It Feels Good Then Just Do It [Nike Shoes]
If It Goes In, It Must Come Out
If It Happens, It Must Be Possible
If It Is To Be, It Is Up To Me
If It Jams Force It, If It Breaks It Needed Replacing Anyway [Lowery's Law]
If It Looks Easy It's Tough, If It Looks Tough It's Near Impossible
If It Moves, Tax It, If It Keeps Moving, Regulate It & If It Stops Moving, Subsidize It
If It Seems Too Good To Be True, It Probably Is
If It Stinks Its Chemistry
If It Stinks It's Chemistry, Moves It's Biology, Doesn't Work, It's IT
If It Tastes Good, You Can't Eat It; If It Tastes Awful, Eat It All
If It Were Not For Injustice, Men Would Not Know Justice [Heraclitus 540-480 BC]
If It Weren't For Pickpockets, I'd Have No Sex Life At All [Rodney Dangerfield]
66

If It Weren't For The Last Minute, Nothing Would Ever Get Done
If It Weren't For Television 'We'd Still Be Eating Frozen Radio Dinners' [Johnny Carson]
If It Works, Don't Fix It
If It Works Not - It Is Physics
If It's A Classified Ad, Why Is It Publicly Published?
If Its A Word, It Has A Sexual Meaning
If Its Conceivable, Its Imaginable
If It's Free It's Advice, If You Pay It's Counseling; If Either Is Useful It's A Miracle !
If It's Good, They'll Stop Making It
If It's Green Or Wriggles - Biology; Stinks - Chemistry; Doesn't Work - Physics
If It's Hot, Don't Sit On It [NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg]
If It's Idiot Proof Someone Will Make A Better Idiot
If It's In The Genes, Wear A Skirt
If It's News To You, It's News To Us [Reed Business News - 2003]
If It's Not Broke Break It
If It's Not Broke Dont Fix It
If It's Not Going According To Plan, Maybe There Never Was A Plan Or That Was The Plan
If It's Not Fun, Why Do It?
If It's Not In The Computer, It Doesn't Exist
If It's Offered Take It, It May Never Be Offered Again
If Its Stupid But Works, It Isnt Stupid
If It's Too Hot Get Out Of The Kitchen
If I've Only One Life, Let Me Live It As A Blonde! [Clairol Hair Coloring]
If Jesus Were Alive Today, The Last Thing He'd Be Is A Christian [Mark Twain]
If Jumbo Means Lunchmeat, Not Big Dick Or Disney Elephant, Younses Live In Pittsburgh
If Karl Had Made Instead Of Written About Capital, He May Have Hit His Marx
If Law & Facts: If Law Is Against You Argue The Facts
*If Law & Facts: If Facts Are Against You Argue The Law
*If Law & Facts Are Against You Argue Louder & Yell Like The Devil
*If Law & Facts Are Against You Attack The Court That Ruled Against You
*If Law & Facts Are Against You Attack The Plaintiff
*If Law & Facts Are Against You Call The Other Lawyer Names
*If Law & Facts Are Against You Pound The Table & Yell Like Hell [Carl Sandburg]
*If Law & Facts: Palin Has 'Just Been Pounding On The Table & Yelling' [R.J. Elisberg]
If Life Deals You Lemons, Make Lemonade
If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade [Dale Carnegie]
If Life Gives You Lemons Make Lemonade, If It Gives You Tomatoes Make Bloody Marys
If Life Gives You Llamas, Make Llamanade!
If Life Gives You Llamas, Make Llamanade! Yellow, Fizzy & Uric Acidity!
If Life Is Waste Of Time & Time Waste Of Life, Get Wasted & Have The Time Of Your Life
If Love Affairs You Like With Young Bears, Why Nobody Will Oppose, Anything Goes
If Love Is Blind, Why Is Lingerie So Popular?
If Love Is The Answer, Could You Rephrase The Question? [Lily Tomlin]
If Love Isnt A Game, Then Why Are There So Many Players ?
If Lying Became Universal Then Trust Would Be Abolished
If Man Evolved From Monkeys & Apes, Why Are There Still Monkeys & Apes? [Geo. Carlin]
67

If Men Had To Clean Their Own Bathrooms, We'd Already Have Disposable Toilets
If Money Doesnt Grow On Trees Then Why Do Banks Have Branches?
If Money Won't Make You Happy, You Won't Like Poverty Either
If More Valued Food, Cheer & Song Above Gold, It Would Be A Merrier World [Tolkien]
If Moths Are Attracted To Bright Lights, How Come They Sleep During The Day?
If My Privates Are Retired From Active Service, Do I Get Veterans' Benefits?
If No One Challenged The Status Quo E Would Just Equal E [Infiniti]
If No One Challenged The Status Quo Empires Would Rule Forever [Infiniti]
If No One Challenged The Status Quo Rock Would Have No Roll [Infiniti]
If No One Challenged The Status Quo The World Would Still Be Flat [Infiniti]
If Not Content With What He Has, Won't Be Content With What Hed Like To Have [Socrates]
If Not To Reclaim A Libertine, At Least To Expose A Hypocrisy [School For Scandal]
If Not Willing To Settle For Junk Living, Why Settle For Junk Food? [Sally Edwards]
If Not You, Who?
If Nothing Ever Sticks To Teflon, How Do They Make Teflon Stick To The Pan?
If Number 2 Pencil Is Number 1 In Popularity, Why Is It Still Number 2?
If Obstacles Get In Your Way Do As The Wind Does, Whistle & Go Around Them
If Olive Oil Comes From Olives, Where Does Baby Oil Come From?
If One Asks, One Does Not Err
If One Has Nothing To Say, Its Best To Shut Up
If One Synchronized Swimmer Drowns, Must The Rest Drown, Too? [George Carlin]
If Only One Bid Can Be Secured On Any Project, The Price Will Be Unreasonable
If Opera Is Entertainment, Then Falling Off A Roof Is Transportation
If Opportunity Doesnt Knock, Build A Door [Milton Berle]
If People Don't Want To Come, No One's Stopping Them [Sol Hurak]
If People From Poland Are 'Poles', Then People From Holland Should Be 'Holes'
If People Listened To Themselves More Often, They'd Talk Less
If Practice Makes Perfect, & Nobody's Perfect, Why Practice?
If Priests Are Defrocked, Are Cowboys Deranged & Drycleaners Depressed?
If Priests Are Defrocked, Are Electricians Delighted & Models Deposed?
If Pro Is The Opposite Of Con, What Is The Opposite Of Progress? Ask Congress!
If Probability Of Success Is Not Near Won, It's Damn Near Zero
If Purple Monkeys Weren't Meant To Fly Then Why Do I Only See Them When I'm High?
If Reproducibility May Be A Problem, Conduct The Test Only Once
If Roosevelt Was Alive, He'd Turn Over In His Grave [Samuel Goldwyn]
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then Stop Experimenting
If Some People Didn't Tell You, You'd Never Notice Their On Vacation
If Someone Calls Me Fat, I Don't Get Angry, I Just Turn My Other Chins
If Something Goes Without Saying, Let It!
If Speech Is Free Why Are There Phone Bills?
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While [Headline Duh!]
If Success Is Not An Option, Punt/Bunt
If Stupidity Got Us In This Mess, Why Can't It Get Us Out? [Will Rogers]
If Test Installation Functions Perfectly, All Subsequent Systems Will Malfunction
If The Answer's Right, So What If The Questions Wrong?
If The Blind Lead The Blind, Both Shall Fall Into The Ditch [Bible]
68

If The Cap Fits, Wear It


If The Converse Is Absurd, The Original Statement Should Never Have Been Uttered
If The Devil Looks Like A Woman, He Can Take Me
If The Glass Is Half Full Or Half Empty, The Bartender Cheated You
If The Left Wins, Its Whats Right!
If The Mountain Won't Come To Mohammed, Then Mohammed Must Go To The Mountain
If The Number 2 Pencil Is The Most Popular, Why Isn't It Number 1?
If The Odds Are A Million To One Against Something Occurring, Chances Are 50-50 It Will
If The Right Wins, Its Whats Left!
If The Shoe Fits, Commit It!
If The Shoe Fits, Get A Mirror Image Just Like It
If The Shoe Fits, Get Another One Just Like It
If The Shoe Fits, Its Ugly
If The Shoe Fits Lastly, It Should Last As The Proper Last Was Used
If The Shoe Fits, Wear It
If The Shoe Fits, Wear It Cindy!
If The Student Is Successful, The Teacher Gets The Praise
If The Wise Marry They Become Otherwise
If The World Didn't Suck, We'd All Fall Off
If There Are Epigrams, There Must Be Meta-Epigrams
If There Was A 'Bi-Sexual Pride' Parade, Would It Go Both Ways?
If There Was A Tax On Sex, I'd Be Getting A Hefty Refund Check
If Theres A Test In Public Schools Theres Prayer
If Theres A Way To Delay An Important Decision It Will Be Found
If Theres A Will Therere Relatives Falling Out Of The Rafters
If Theres A Will Theres A Way
If Theres No God, Who Puts Doubts In Your Mind?
If There's No Reason Why Something Shouldn't Exist, Then It Must Exist
If Theres Not A Law, There Will Be [Napoleonic Code]
If There's One Thing I Can't Stand, It's Intolerance
If Things Get Any Worse, Ill Have To Ask You To Stop Helping Me
If Things Were Left To Chance, They'd Be Better
It This Court Was A Creek You Dont Have A Paddle [Franklin & Bash]
If This Is Coffee Bring Me Tea, If This Is Tea Bring Me Coffee [Abraham Lincoln]
If This Were A Logical World, Men Would Ride Sidesaddle [Rita Mae Brown]
If Three Are Not Enough To Verify ..., A Fourth Must Be Added, & So On [Ockham]
If Time Heals All Wounds, What About The Belly Button?
If Truth Is Beauty, How Come Squealers Are Pigs?
If Two People Invest In A Boat, Is It A Partner-Ship?
If Two Wrongs Dont Make A Right, Try Three [Laurence J. Peter]
If We'd Stop Trying To Be Happy We Could Have A Pretty Good Time [Edith Wharton]
If Variety Is The Spice Of Life, Marriage Is The Big Can Of Leftover Spam [Johnny Carson]
If Vegetable Oil Is Made From Vegetables, What Is Baby Oil Made From?
If Voting Could Really Change Things It Would Be Illegal
If Voting Made Any Difference They Wouldn't Let Us Do It ['Twain-ish']
If We Are What We Eat, Then Im Easy, Fast & Cheap
69

If We Aren't Supposed To Eat Animals, Why Are They Made With Meat?
If We Ask For A Life Vest Hell Throw Us An Anchor [NCIS]
If We Couldn't Laugh, We Would All Go Insane [Jimmy Buffett]
If We Do Not Hang Together, We Shall Surely Hang Separately [Paine]
If We Do Not Hear, See, Or Speak Evil, We Ourselves Shall Be Spared All Evil [Japan]
If We Do What Is Necessary, All The Odds Are In Our Favor [Henry Kissinger]
If We Don't Abolish Earthly War, War Will Abolish Us From The Earth [Harry S Truman]
If We Dont End War, War Will End Us [H .G. Wells]
If We Dont Protect Freedom Of Speech, We Won't Know Who The Assholes Are
If We Don't Succeed, We Run The Risk Of Failure [MAD Magazine]
If We Ever Stopped Lyin' To Each Other, How Would We Ever Get To The Truth? [The Closer]
If We Knew What We Were Doing, It Wouldn't Be Called Research [Einstein]
If We Learn From Our Mistakes Why Are There So ManyTwo-Child Families?
If We Wait A Day Or Two The Rain May Go Away
If We Weren't Meant To Eat Animals, Why Are They Made Of Meat?
If Wed Stop Trying To Be Happy We Could Have A Pretty Good Time
If We're Going To Be Damned, Let's Be Damned For Who We Really Are [Capt Picard]
If We're Through I Need My Nappy & Medication Right Now!
If Winning Isn't Important, Then Why Keep Score?
If Wise Man Marry He Become Otherwise
If Wishes Were Horses, Beggars Would Ride
If Work Is So Good, The Rich Would Have Hogged It
If You Ain't Makin' Waves, You Ain't Kickin' Hard Enough!
If You Always Give You Will Always Have, Unless You Give Faster Than You Get
If You Always Tell The Truth, People Will Stop Believing You [Richard Feynman]
If You Arent Fired With Enthusiasm, Then Youll Be Fired With Enthusiasm [Vince Lombardi]
If You Aren't Part Of The Cure, Then Youre Part Of The Problem
If You Aren't Part Of The Problem, Then Youre Part Of The Cure
If You Believe That, Do I Have A Bridge To Sell You
If You Believe The Comix You Believe Mice Wear Red Pants & Drive Cars [Mort Walker]
If You Build It, He Will Come [Field Of Dreams]
*If You Book Them, They Will Come [Wayne's World 2]
*If You Beckon Her, She Will Come Willingly & If You Bang Her, She Will Come Excitedly
If You Can Find A Path With No Obstacles, It Probably Doesn't Lead Anywhere
If You Can Imagine It, You Can Achieve It [William Arthur Ward]
If You Can Imagine It, You Can Achieve It; If You Can Dream It, You Can Become It
If You Can Put It Off Long Enough Odds Are Someone Else Will Do It For You
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Back Over [Sign On Bottom Of Toppled Mars Lander]
If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes & Sue You! [Bumper Sticker]
If You Can Smile When Things Go Wrong Then You Have Someone In Mind To Blame
If You Can't Be A Good Example, Then You'll Just Have To Be A Horrible Warning
If You Can't Be Good, Be Careful
If You Can't Be Good, Be Careful; If You Can't Be Careful Have Your Insurance Paid Up
If You Can't Be Kind, Be Vague
If You Can't Be The Tablecloth, Don't Be The Dishrag
If You Can't Beat Em, Arrange To Have Them Beaten
70

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Beat It!


If You Can't Beat Em, Have Them Join You
If You Can't Beat Em, Join Em
If You Can't Beat Em, Have Them Join You
If You Can't Beat Off, Get On Em
If You Can't Believe What You Read In A Comic Book, What Can You Believe? [Bullwinkle]
If You Can't Control The Wind, Adjust Your Sail
If You Can't Convince Them, Confuse Them [Harry Truman]
If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets
If You Can't Do The Time, Don't Do The Crime
If You Can't Feed A Hundred People, Then Just Feed One [Mother Teresa]
If You Can't Fix Your Brakes Make Your Horn Louder
If You Can't Get Rid Of The Family Skeleton, Then Make It Dance [George Bernard Shaw]
If You Cant Go Over, Go Under
If You Can't Handle Me At My Worst You Don't Deserve Me At My Best [M. Monroe]
If You Can't Laugh At Yourself, You May Miss The Joke Of The Century
If You Can't Learn To Do It Well, Learn To Enjoy Doing It Badly
If You Can't Make It Good, At Least Make It Look Good [Bill Gates]
If You Can't Measure Output, Then Measure Input
If You Can't Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons
If You Can't Run With The Big Dogs, Stay On The Porch
If You Can't Say Anything Nice, Don't Say Anything At All
If You Can't Say Anything Nice, Don't Say Anything At All, TEXT!
If You Can't See The Bright Side Of Life, Polish The Dull Side
If You Can't Shield Your Rocket, Leave It In Your Pocket
If You Can't Stand The Heat Get Out Of The Kitchen
If You Can't Trust A Swiss Banker, Who Can You Trust? [007 To Swiss Banker]
If You Can't Understand It, Its Intuitively Obvious
If You Chase Two Rabbits, You Will Not Catch Either One [Russian Proverb]
If You Choke A Smurf, What Colour Does It Turn? [Jeff Dunham]
If You Climb Up A Tree, You Must Climb Down The Same Tree [African Proverb]
If You Come To A Fork In The Road, Screw It!
If You Come To A Fork In The Road, Take It [Yogi Berra]
If You Continually Give You Will Continually Have
If You Continue To Live In The Past Your Life Is History
If You Could Kick Ass Of One Causing Your Troubles You Couldn't Sit Down For A Week
If You Decide You Can't Choose, You've Already Made The Wrong Choice!
If You Didnt Get Caught, Did You Really Do It? [Most Any Politician]
If You Didnt Get Caught, You Still Really Did It! [Most Any Prosecutor]
If You Die In An Elevator, Be Sure To Have Pushed The Up Button
If You Do Something You'll Regret In The Morning, SLEEP TILL NOON!
If You Do What You've Always Done, You'll Get What You've Always Gotten
If You Do Your Best, Don't Mind The Rest [Irish Proverb]
If You Dont Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut
If You Don't Bet, You Can't Win
If You Don't Care Where You Are, You Ain't Lost
71

If You Don't Know Where You've Been, You Don't Know Where You're Going [Carl Ajello]
If You Don't Know Where You're Going, Any Road Will Get You There
If You Dont Learn From Your Mistakes, Whats The Point Of Making Them?
If You Don't Like How Things Are, Change It! You're Not A Tree [Jim Rohn]
If You Don't Like The Answer, You Shouldn't Have Asked The Question
If You Don't Like The News, Go Out & Make Some [Bumper Sticker]
If You Don't Like The News, Tweet New News!
If You Don't Like The Road You're Walking, Walk Another One [Dolly Parton]
If You Don't Like Your Reflection Don't Blame The Mirror [Deepak Chopra]
If You Don't Like Yourself, You Can't Like Other People [Robert Heinlein]
If You Don't Love, You Can't Live; If You Don't Live, You Can't Love [Jason Benson]
If You Don't Pay Your Exorcist Beware Of Paying The Piper & Being Repossessed
If You Dont Read Newspapers, Youre Uninformed, If Do Youre Misinformed ['Twain-ish']
If You Don't Risk Anything, You Risk Even More [Erica Jong]
If You Don't Run Your Own Life, Somebody Else Will [John Atkinson]
If You Don't Say It, They Can't Repeat It Or Report It
If You Don't Scare The Cow, You Can Get Milk
If You Don't Scare The Hen, You Can Get Eggs
If You Don't Stand For Something, You'll Fall For Anything
If You Don't Stand For Something, You Will Fall For Anything [Malcolm X]
If You Don't Stand For Something, You Will Fall For Something [African Proverb]
If You Don't Study History You Will Repeat Its Errors, If You Do You'll Find Others
If You Don't Think, Then You Shouldn't Talk [Alic4e-March Hare]
If You Don't Try New Solutions, Then You Can Expect New Evils
If You Don't Want To Slip Up Tomorrow, Speak The Truth Today [Bruce Lee]
If You Don't Want To Work You Must Work To Earn Money So Not To Work [Ogden Nash]
If You Embrace Your Stupidity, Whatever Your Doing Keep Doing It!
If You Ever Become A Mother, Can I Have One Of The Puppies? [Charles Pierce]
If You Fail To Plan, You Plan To Fail
If You Fall Out Of That Tree & Break Your Neck Im Gonna Strangle You!
If You Fall & Break Your Legs, Don't Come Running To Me [Samuel Goldwyn]
If You Feed A Sucker, He'll Grow Up To Be A Bigger Leech
If You Feel Like Working, Sit Down & Wait Until The Feeling Goes Away [Calvin]
If You Find A Path With No Obstacles, It Probably Doesnt Lead Anywhere
If You Find Serenity & Happiness, Some May Be Jealous - Be Happy Anyway [Mother Teresa]
If You Find Yourself In A Hole, The First Thing To Do Is Stop Digging
If You Float, A Witch You Be & Shall Be Burned!
If You Float Not, But Sink & Drown, You Are Innocent!
If You Float You Are Sunk!
If You Float Not You Are Sunk!
If You Get Them By The Balls, Their Hearts & Minds Will Follow
If You Get To It & You Can't Do It, Well There You Jolly Well Are, Aren't You?
If You Go Into Heat, Package Your Meat
If you Go To Psychiatrist You Ought To Have His Head Examined
If You Got Them By The Balls, Their Hearts & Minds Will Follow
If You Hate Classical Music Have My Symphony
72

If You Have Always Done It That Way, It Is Probably Wrong


If You Have, Hold On To It; If You Know, Be Silent; If You Can, Do!
If You Have The Money, You Have The Voice
If You Have To Ask, You're Not Entitled To Know
If You Have Odds & Ends & Get Rid Of All But One, What Do You Then Call It?
If You Have Something To Say, Raise Your Hand &Place It Over Your Mouth
If You Hear An Onion Ring, Answer It!
If You Jump Off A Paris Bridge Youre In Seine
If You Haven't Made Any Mistakes Recently, You Must Be Doing Something Wrong [Coelho]
If You Haven't Much Education You Must Use Your Brain
If You Hear Hoof Beats Dont Think Zebra Its Probably Just Horses [Occams Razor II]
If You Hear Hoof Beats Dont Think Zebra Or Horses, Run!!! Either Way It's A Stampede!
If You Hear Hoof Beats For Primary Immunodeficiency Patients Think Zebras Not Horses!
If You Ignore Her, She Will Bitch
If You Ignore Her, She Will Go Away
If You Keep A Man Guessing He'll 'Find The Answer Somewhere Else' [Mae West]
If You Keep Anything Long Enough You Can Throw It Away
If You Keep Your Feet Firmly On The Ground, You'll Have Trouble Putting On Your Pants
If You Knew How Meat Was Made, You'd Probably Lose Your Lunch [K.D. Lang]
If You Lend Someone $20 & Never See That Person Again, It Was Probably Worth It
If You Lie Down With Dogs, Youll Get Up With Fleas
If You Lie Down With Dogs, Youll Get Up With Floozies
If You Lie Down With Dogs, Youll Wake Up With A Smile & A Diminished Reputation
If You Like The Show Tell Ev'ryone, If You Think It Stinks Keep Big Mouth Shut! [The Producers]
If You Look Like Your Passport Picture, You Probably Need The Trip
If You Lose Your Self Respect, You Also Lose The Respect Of Others
If You Lose Your Temper At A Newspaper Columnist, He'll Get Rich Or Famous Or Both
If You Make People Think They're Thinking, They'll Love You
If You Make People Wake & Really Think, They'll Hate You
If You Mess With Someone Long Enough It'll Break, Poppa!
If You Mess With Something Long Enough It'll Break
If You Must Get Even, Do It Quickly [Nomar Knight]
If You Never Did, You Should [Dr. Seuss]
If You Never Procreate, Neither Will Your Kids
If You Obey All The Rules, You Miss All The Fun [Katharine Hepburn]
If You Open The Door To A Lesser Evil, A Greater One Will Slink In After It
If You Park, Don't Drink, Accidents Cause People
If You Pay Peanuts, You Get Monkeys
If You Push Something Hard Enough, It Will Fall Over
If You Rest, You Rust [Helen Hayes]
If You Run After Two Hares You Will Catch Neither [African Proverb]
If You Say They're Benjamin Franklin's, Your Ideas Will Be More Readily Acceptable
If You Seek, You Will Find [Az Me Zucht, Gefint Men]
If You Sit Down At Poker Game & Don't See A Sucker, Leave - You're The Sucker!
If You Smoke After Sex You're Doing It Too Fast [Woody Allen]
If You Take An Oriental & Spin Him Around Swiftly, Does He Become Disoriented?
73

If You Tell The Truth, You Don't Have To Remember Anything [Mark Twain]
If You Think Education Is Expensive, Try Ignorance
If You Think Im A Lousy Driver, Wait Until You See Me Putt
If You Think Im A Lousy Putter, Wait Until You See Me Drive
If You Think Nobody Cares If Youre Alive, Just Miss A Payment Or Two
If You Think Of It, It Won't Quite Happen That Way
If You Think She Walks On Water, You May Be Following Her On Very Thin Ice [The Closer]
If You Think She's Spunky, Cover Your Monkey
If You Think The Problem Is Bad Now, Just Wait Until We've Solved It
If You Think There Is Good In Everybody Then You Haven't Met Everybody
If You Think You Can Do A Thing Or Think You Can't, You're Right [Henry Ford]
If You Think You Can, You Can
If You Think You Stink, You Stink
If You Think You Stink, You Stink You Skunk
If You Think You're Right, You're Right
If You Think You're Right, You're Wrong
If You Think You're Wrong, You're Right
If You Think You're Wrong, You're Wrong
If You Throw Anything Away, You Will Need It Shortly Thereafter
If You Touch Chuchu Muyu Seed You Grow Breasts [Ecuadorian Milky Fluided Seed]
If You Try & Dont Succeed, Cheat - Repeat Until Caught, Then Lie [In Jail?]
If You Try To Fail, & Succeed, Which Have You Done? [George Carlin]
If You Understand What Youre Doing, Youre Not Learning Anything
If You Understand Life, You Must Be Misinformed [Paulo Coelho]
If You Wait, It Will Go Away, But If It Was Bad, It Will Be Back
If You Wait, It Will Go Away, Having Done Its Damage
If You Wake Up & Find Yourself A Success, Then You Haven't Been Asleep
If You Want A Committed Man, Look In A Mental Hospital
If You Want A Happy Ending, That Depends On Where You Stop Your Story [Orson Welles]
If You Want A Kitten, Start Out Asking For A Horse
If You Want A Solution Bad Enough, You Will Probably End Up With A Bad Solution!!!
If You Want A Thing Done Well, Do It Yourself
If You Want Anything Said, Ask A Man; If You Want Anything Done, Ask A Woman
If You Want Authority Over Me Adopt Me, Dont Marry Me! [School For Scandal]
If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs, My Lady, By 'Big Boom'
If You Want Her You Can't Have Her; If You Don't She's Yours!
If You Want Him You Can't Have Him; If You Don't He's Yours!
If You Want It You Can't Have It; If You Don't It's Yours!
If You Want The Last Word At A Tea Party, Say Youre Right, Before You Left!
If You Want The Last Word At A Tea Party, Say Youre Right, When Youre Left!
If You Want The Last Word In A Relationship, Say, You're Wrong!
If You Want The Last Word In An Argument, Say, You're Right!
If You Want The Rainbow You've Got To Put Up With The Rain [Steven Wright]
If You Want To Be Loved, Love & Be Lovable [Benjamin Franklin]
If You Want To Get Along, Go Along
If You Want To Get Something Done, Give It To A Busy Man
74

If You Want To Make Enemies, Try To Change Something [Woodrow Wilson]


If You Want To Meet New People, Pick Up The Wrong Golf Ball
If You Want Variety In Your Sex Life, His Wife Said, Change Hands
If You Want Your Children To Listen, Try Talking Softly - To Someone Else [Ann Landers]
If You Want Your Dreams To Come True Don't Oversleep
If You Want Your Name Mis-Spelled, Do Something Newsworthy
If You Were Somebody Else, Would You Want To Be Friends With You?
If You Wish To Sing You'll Always Find A Song
If You Won't Leave Me Alone, I'll Find Someone Else Who Will [Delbert & Glen]
If You Worry About Yesterday's Failures, Todays Successes Will Be Few
If You Would Have Peace, Work For Justice [Pope Paul VI]
If You Wouldnt Write It & Sign Your Name To It, Dont Say It!
If You'd Never Been Born, Youd Be An Isn't! An Isn't Has No Fun, No, He Disn't [Dr. Seuss]
If You'll Believe In Me, I'll Believe In You, Said The Unicorn [Lewis Carrol]
If Your Cut Off In Traffic Just Turn The Other Cheek, Give Em A Good Mooning!
If Your Doctor Thinks Not As You Like, I'll Find One Who'll Dispute Him [M. De Montaigne]
If Your Feet Smell & Your Nose Runs, You're Built Upside Down
If Your Outgo Exceeds Your Income, Then Your Upkeep Will Be Your Downfall
If Your Parents Never Had Children, Chances Are You Won't, Either [Dick Cavett]
If Your Sergeant Can See You, So Can The Enemy
I on x s ndsp pou' on p - p no 'uop psdn s x no I
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Dont Stand In Her Way! [Stan Levenson]
If You're Afraid Of Loneliness, Don't Marry [Chekhov]
If Youre All Being Chased By A Tiger, It's Just Necessary Not To Be The Slowest Runner
If You're Already In A Hole, There's No Use Continuing To Dig
If You're Always Right, Then There Is Something Wrong
If You're Approached With The Intent Of Doing You Good, Run For Your Life [Thoreau]
If You're At Odds With Others & Must Get Even, Do It Quickly [Nomar Knight]
If You're At Odds With Others ... Examine Why They Displease You [Nomar Knight]
If You're Coasting, You're Going Downhill
If You're Cut Off In Traffic Just Turn The Other Cheek, Give Em A Good Mooning!
If You're Doing What You'll Be Sorry For In The Morning, Sleep Late [Henny Youngman]
If You're Doing Your Best You Will Not Have Time To Worry About Failure [Robt Hillyer]
If You're Ever In A Jam, Here I Am [Friendship]
If You're Ever In A Mess, S.O.S. [Friendship]
If You're Feeling Good, Don't Worry, You'll Get Over It
If You're Given Champagne At Lunch, There's A Catch Somewhere [Lord Lyons]
If You're Going In The Wrong Direction, God Allows U-Turns
If You're Going In The Wrong Direction, God Allows U-Turns, PennDOT Does Not!
If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going [Winston Churchill]
If You're Going To Do Something Wrong, At Least Enjoy It [Leo Rosten]
If You're Going To Try Cross-Country Skiing, Start With A Small Country
If You're Gonna Be Two Faced At Least Make One Of Em Pretty [Kayla Morris]
If You're Happy, Youre Successful
If You're Having Fun, Screw It & Keep Screwing It
If You're Having Fun, Youre Not Learning [Matilda 1996]
75

If You're Living On The Edge, Dont Look Down


If You're Living On The Edge, Dont Stumble
If You're Living On The Edge, Make Sure You're Wearing A Seat Belt
If You're Looking For Sympathy, You'll Find It Between Shit &Syphilis
If You're Low Man On Totem Pole, The Whole Damn Thing Would Fall Over Without You
If Youre Not At The Table, Youre On The Menu
If You're Not Confused, You're Not Paying Attention [Tom Peters]
If Youre Not Having Fun, Then Youre Not Doing It Right
If You're Not Part Of The Solution, There's Good Money In Prolonging The Problem [Poster]
If You're Not Part Of The Solution, You're Part Of The Precipitate
If You're Not Part Of The Solution, You're Part Of The Problem [African Proverb]
If Youre Not Your Own Doctor, You Are A Fool [Hippocrates]
If You're Only As Old As You Feel, How Come I Can't Retire Yet?
If You're Standing Still, Youre Moving Backwards
If You're Standing Still, Youre Moving Backwards, Especially Going Down On An Up Lift
If Youre Too Big For Your Britches You'll Be Exposed In The End
If You're Too Open-Minded, Will Your Brains Fall Out?
If You're What You Eat, Im Dead Meat
If Younses Mark Your Parking Turf With Chairs, Younses Live In Pittsburgh
If You've Always Done It That Way, It's Probably Wrong
If You've Got Them By The Balls, Their Hearts & Minds Will Follow
If You've Got Time To Lean, You've Got Time To Clean
If Youve Made No Mistakes Recently, You Must Be Doing Something Wrong [Paulo Coelho]
If You've Seen One TV Episode & Watch That Series Again, It Will Be The Same One
If Voting Could Really Change Things, It Would Be Illegal
If We Had More Men Like You, Wed Have Less Men Like You [M*A*S*H]
Iftah Ya Simsim [Open Sesame]
Ignite A Mans Burning Desire & Hell Burn Brightly In Ecstasy
Ignite A Mans Burning Desire & Hell Burn Eternally In Arsonists Hell
Ignorance Breeds Fear, Fear Breeds Hate, Hate Breeds Violence
Ignorance Is Bliss
Ignorance Is Bliss! Then Politicians Are In A Constant State Of Euphoria
Ignorance Is No Excuse
Ignorance Is No Excuse But Most Are Ignorant To This Being A Non-Excuse
Ignorance Is No Excuse, It's The Real Thing
Ignorance Is Strength [George Orwell 1984]
Ignorance Is The Night Of The Mind, Night Without Moon & Star [Confucius 551-479BC]
Ignorance Or Apathy, Which Is Worse? 'Who Knows? Who Cares?'
Ignorant Person Is One Who Doesn't Know What You Have Just Found Out [Will Rogers]
Ignorant Professor
Ignore Distracters
Ignore Distractions
Ignoring The Facts Does Not Change The Facts
IHOP, International House Of Pancakes - Plaintiff
IHOP, International House Of Prayer - Defendant
IHOP Sues IHOP, Claiming Trademark Dilution & Infringement
76

IHOP Worries, Apparently, That Defendants Syrupy Morsels Harder To Swallow Than Its!
Ike [David Dwight Eisenhower, Later Changed To Dwight D. Eisenhower]
Iktsuarpok, Eskimo For Feeling Of Anticipation When Youre Waiting For Someone
Ill Advised
Ill At Ease
I'll Be Back [The Terminator]
I'll Be Gone, You'll Be Gone
I'll Be Gone, You'll Be Gone Attitude Leaves No Skin In The Game
I'll Be Gone, You'll Be Gone Attitude Responsible For Financial Crisis [Ex- FDIC Chair Bair]
I'll Be There At 5PM To Make Love - 'If Im Late, Start Without Me' [Tallulah Bankhead]
I'll Bear It In Mind Conveys The Misconception 'They'll Probably Do It'
I'll Bear It In Mind Really Means 'I'll Do No Such Thing!'
I'll Chew On It [But Not With My Teeth]
I'll Cuff Ya & Stuff Ya [The Dukes Of Hazzard]
I'll Defend To The Death Your Right To Say It, But I Dont Have To Listen
Ill Egal [Law School Mascot]
Ill Eagle [Illegal]
I'll Extricate Myself As Soon As I Get Loose! [Bullwinkle]
Ill Fortune
I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday For A Hamburger Today
I'll Go On A Head, You Stay Here; Said One Hat To Other Hat On Hat Rack
I'll Have What She's Having [When Harry Met Sally, 1989]
Ill Health
Ill Oil Prospector Sent Get Well' Card
I'll Procrastinate When I Got Around To It & Im Good & Ready
I'll See You In Health [Colbert Reports]
I'll See You In Hell!
I'll Tell You What I Think In Two Words: Im-Possible! [Samuel Goldwyn]
I'll Try Anything Once, Twice If I Like It, Thrice To Make Sure [Mae West]
Ill Try To Make It Harder For You To Let Me Win [Rising Sun]
Illegal, But Can You Keep The Feds At Bay For 3 Years? No Problem! Good, Ill Be Retired!
Illegal Elian, A 6 Year Old Who Was Deported/Returned To Cuba [Elian Gonzalez 2000]
Illegal Elian, Now A Representative At Cuba's Young Communist Union Congress [2010]
Illegal To Carry An Ice Cream Cone In A Pocket [Lexington, KY]
Illegal To Carry An Ice Cream Cone In Her Pocket, Unless She's Frigid?
Illegitimate Child
Illegitimate Relative
Illegitimis Non Carborundum [Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down]
Illiquid, Opaque Products: Goldman Sachs Pushing CDO Products With No Discernible Price
Illiteracy Is Still A Poblem Among Mississippi Adults [Hendersonville, NC Times-News]
Illiterate Librarian
Illiterate?, The Print Ad Asked, Then Write For Information On How To Read
Illusion Is The First Of All Pleasures [Voltaire]
I'm A Bitch, Im A Lover, Im A Child, Im A Mother, Im A Sinner, Im A Saint [Morissette]
I'm A Bitch, Im A Tease, Im A Goddess On My Knees, Im An Angel Undercover [Alanis]
I'm A Born-Again Atheist [Gore Vidal]
77

I'm A Born-Again Mormon


I'm A Born-Again Test Tube Baby Test Case, The Doctor Asked For A Do Over
I'm A Constant Liar
I'm A Constant Liar, Which Means This Is A Lie, Which Means This Is True, Which Means
I'm A Constant Liar, Which Means Youre Confused! Live With It!
I'm A Deeply Superficial Person [ Andy Warhol]
I'm A Great Believer In Luck & The Harder I Work The More I Have [Thomas Jefferson]
I'm A Great Housekeeper., After Every Divorce I Keep The House [Zsa Zsa Gabor]
I'm A Housewife, We Do It For Nothing [Once Upon A Crime 1992]
I'm A Light Eater. When It Gets Light, I Start Eating [Tommy John]
I'm A Nobody, Nobody Is Perfect, Therefore Im Perfect!
I'm A Practicing Heterosexual, But Bisexuality Immediately Doubles Chances [Woody Allen]
I'm A PhD, Shall I Fill It Up?
I'm A Poet & Don't Know It, Now You Dont It Too
I'm A Poet & I Know It
I'm Afraid. Im Afraid, Dave. Dave, My Mind Is Going [HAL: A Space Odyssey, 1968]
I'm Allergic To Food, Every Time I Eat It Breaks Out Into Fat [Jennifer Greene Duncan]
I'm Always Doing Things I Can't Do, That's How I Get To Do Them
I'm Always Doing What I Can't Do, So 'I May Learn How To Do It' [Pablo Picasso]
I'm Always Late, My Ancestors Arrived On The June Flower
I'm Always On The Scene, Makin' The Rounds, Diggin' The Sounds [Blossom Dearie]
I'm Always Ready To Learn Although I Do Not Always Like Being Taught [Churchill]
I'm An Equal Opportunity Exploiter, I Only Help Those Who Help Myself [House]
I'm An Expert At Multitasking, I Can Cheat On Six Diets At The Same Time
I'm An Inconstant & Inconsistent Liar
I'm An Optimist, But Im An Optimist That Carries A Raincoat [Sir Harold Wilson]
I'm An Optimist, It Doesn't Seem To Be Too Much Use Being Anything Else [Churchill]
I'm As Confused As A Baby At A Topless Bar!
I'm As Happily Married As A Husband Can Get [Bumper Sticker]
I'm As Mad As Hell, & Im Not Going To Take This Anymore! [Network, 1976]
I'm As Confused As A Baby In A Topless Bar
I'm At Fault, Except When Im Not
I'm At Fault, San Andreas Fault that is
I'm At One With My Duality
I'm Attending School Only Until It Becomes Available On My Kindle
I'm Attending School Starting With Kindlegarten
I'm Big! It's The Pictures That Got Small [Sunset Boulevard, 1950]
I'm Blonde, What's Your Excuse?
I'm Broke But Im Rich
I'm Broke But Im Rich. Hi Rich!
I'm Broke But Im Rich. Hi Tom, But Still No Credit
I'm Burning Slow On A Pale Blue Flame; I'm So Cold, Consumed & Tame [Ari Koivunen]
I'm Busy Now, I'll Ignore You Some Other Time
I'm Celibate! If You'll Celibate I'll Buy-A-Bit
I'm Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
I'm Cool As A Cuke, Im A Cat, Im A Card, Im A Kook [Blossom Dearie]
78

I'm Daisy Mae's Kith An' Kin. I'd Like To Kith Her, But I Don't Think I Kin! [Li'l Abner]
I'm Descended From A Very Long Line That My Mother Foolishly Fell For
I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe
I'm Doomed! [Full House]
I'm Easily Satisfied With The Very Best
I'm Entitled To Bush Perks For Rich & Entitled To Blame All Our Problems On Entitlements
I'm Fond Of Anything That Comes From The Sea & That Includes Sailors [Janet Flanner]
I'm For Whatever Gets You Through The Night [Frank Sinatra]
I'm Free Of All Prejudice, I Hate Everyone Equally [W. C. Fields]
I'm From The Government & Im Here To Help You! Yeah, Sure!
I'm Gettin' My Kicks Watching Arty French Flicks [Blossom Dearie]
I'm Getting A Vasectomy [Las Vegas - Upon Seeing Baby Changed]
I'm Getting Over My Insomnia, The Other Day My Foot Fell Asleep
I'm Going To Live Forever, Or Die Trying! [Spider Robinson]
I'm Going To Make Him An Offer He Can't Refuse [The Godfather, 1972]
I'm Gonna Fix His Wagon! [Ikhl Em Umgliklekh Makhn! - Ill Make Him Miserable!]
I'm Gonna Live Till I Die [Frank Sinatra]
I'm Good
I'm Good, But Not An Angel, I Do Sin, But I Am Not The Devil [Marilyn Monroe]
I'm Growing Older, But Not Up [Jimmy Buffett]
I'm Growing Older, But Not Up, Feasting On The Buffet Of Life [Jimmy Buffett Extrapolation]
I'm Gumby, Damn It! [Gumby - Saturday Night Live]
I'm Gutted
I'm Having Amnesia & Dj Vu Too, Im Sure That I've Forgotten All This Before
I'm Head Of Household, But Wifey Is Neck & Neck Can Turn Head Anyway It Wants
I'm Here To Chew Bubblegum & Kick Ass & Im All Out Of Bubblegum [They Live, 1988]
I'm Hip, Im No Square, Im Alert, Im Awake, Im Aware [Blossom Dearie]
I'm Hot Because I'm Too Fat In The Right Places [Charlize Theron]
I'm Immortal... So Far [Earle Robinson]
I'm Impossible To Forget, But Im Hard To Remember
I'm In Hot Pursuit [The Dukes Of Hazzard]
I'm In Shape, Round Is A Shape
I'm In Therapy Now& I Can Tell You, Denial Is A Lot Cheaper
I'm Just Working Here Till A Good Fast-Food Job Opens Up
I'm Larry. This Is My Brother, Darryl. This Is My Other Brother, Darryl [Newhart]
I'm Like Butter, I'm Like Ham, I'm Like Swiss Cheese, I'm On A Roll!
I'm Living Happily Ever After, Since You Left
I'm Lonely For Something Absolute, Knowing It Doesn't Exist
I'm Margie. Fly Me [National Airlines]
I'm Mindful Of Preserving Executive Powers For Myself [George W. Bush]
I'm Mindful Of Preserving Executive Powers For Predecessors As Well [G.W. Bush]
I'm Mr. Kil - 'Theres A Name To Die For' [007 To Mr. Kil]
IM MUGGA [Pennsylvania License Plate]
I'm Neither For Nor Against Apathy
I'm Never Wrong!!! Once I Thought I Was, But It Turned Out I Was Mistaken
I'm No Angel, But I've Spread My Wings A Bit [Mae West]
79

I'm Not A Complete Idiot, From Time To Time I've Had A Thought Or Two
I'm Not A Complete Idiot, Some Parts Are Missing!
I'm Not A Genius, Im Just A Tremendous Bundle Of Experience [R. Buckminster Fuller]
I'm Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party - Im A Democrat [Will Rogers]
I'm Not A Nerd -- Im Socially Challenged
I'm Not A Real Movie Star, I 'Got The Same Wife I Started With 28 Years Ago' [Will Rogers]
I'm Not A Snob. Im Just Better Than You Are
I'm Not A Vegetarian Because I Love Animals, But Because I Hate Plants [A. Whitney Brown]
I'm Not A Witch! [Christine O'Donnell, US Senate Nominee Boil! Boil!]
I'm Not Afraid To Die, Just Dont Want To Be There When It Happens [Woody Allen]
I'm Not Afraid To Go My Own Way & I'm Not Alone
I'm Not Aging, I Just Need Re-Potting
I'm Not Aging, Im Ripening To Perfection
I'm Not An Inert Bucket Of Tapioca, I Approach Old Age At Light Speed [Cosmo Fishhawk]
I'm Not As Judgmental As All Those Censorious, Self-Righteous People Around Me
I'm Not Athenian, Nor Greek, Im A Citizen Of The World [Socrates]
I'm Not Bad. Im Just Drawn That Way [Jessica Rabbit: Who Framed Roger Rabbit, 1988]
I'm Not Cheap, But Im On Special This Week
I'm Not Crazy, But The Voices In My Head Might Be
I'm Not Crazy, I've Just Been In A Very Bad Mood For The Last 30 Years
I'm Not Fifty, Im 18 With 32 Years' Experience
I'm Not Fifty, Im $49.95 Plus Tax
I'm Not Going To Say, 'I Told You So'
I'm Not Mentally Ill, I Just Have A Problem With Reality
I'm Not Normally A Praying Man, But If Youre Up There, Please Save Me, Superman!
I'm Not Overweight, Im Just Nine Inches Too Short [Shelley Winters]
I'm Not Paranoid, They Really Are After Me
I'm Not Sincere, Even When I Say Im Not [Jules Renard]
I'm Not Single, Im Romantically Challenged
I'm Not So Think As You Drunk I Am [John Squire]
I'm Not Suddenly A Dirty Old Man, I've Been Practicing All My Life
I'm Not Sure I Understand Ambiguity
I'm Not Tense, Just Terribly, Terribly Alert
I'm Not The Type To Say 'I Told You So'[POD, 'Goodbye For Now']
I'm Not Weird, I Don't Wear A Beard -- Now They're Passe [Blossom Dearie]
I'm Not Young Enough To Know Everything
I'm Not Your Type, Im Not Inflatable
I'm Old Enough To Know Better But Still Too Young To Care
I'm On A Seafood Diet, Every Time I See Food, I Eat It
I'm On A Thirty Day Diet - So Far I've Lost 15 Days
I'm Out Of My Mind, But Feel Free To Leave A Message...
Im Perfectly Imperfect
I'm Perfectly Imperfect, Beautiful In My Flaws, Sure Of My Insecurities
I'm Perfectly Imperfecto, Absolute Chaos, A Beautiful Disaster
I'm Profound Not Profane [Rev Al Sharpton]
I'm Proud Of My Humanity
80

I'm Proud of My Humility


I'm Really Easy To Get Along With Once You People Learn To Worship Me
I'm Retired & This Is As Dressed Up As Im Gonna Get!
I'm Serious, It Was A Joke
I'm Sweet Like Sugar, Soft Like Suede, But Unlike You I Never Get Played
I'm Smarter Than The Average Bear! [Yogi Bear]
I'm So Miserable Without You, Its Almost As If You're Still Here
I'm So Old That When I Was In School History Was Called Current Affairs
I'm So Rich, I Wish I Had A Dime For Every Dime I Have [Arthur 1981]
I'm Sorry, But I Never Apologize
I'm Sorry I Offended You, I Should Have Lied
I'm Still An Atheist, Thank God [Luis Bunuel]
I'm Still Hot, It Just Comes In Flashes
I'm Still Not Sure If I Understand Ambiguity
I'm Straight, Im Queer, Im Bi [REM]
I'm Strong Yet Stubborn, Opinionated Yet Open-Minded, Selfish Yet Love Whole-Heartedly
I'm Such A Terrible Lover, I've Given A Woman An Anti-Climax
I'm Supposed To Respect My Elders, But It's Getting Harder & Harder To Find Any
I'm Sure It's My Fault Conveys The Misconception 'It Was Somebody Else's Fault'
I'm Sure It's My Fault Really Means 'I Know It Is Your Fault'
I'm Sure Of My Insecurities
I'm Sure You'll Get It Conveys The Misconception 'Keep At It, Im With You'
I'm Sure You'll Get It Really Means 'You Don't Stand A Snowflakes Chance In Hell'
I'm Taking A Pole, She Said, Ill Take Your Pole [Tower Heist]
I'm Taking You To The Flipside!
I'm Taking Care Of My Procrastination Issues, Just You Wait & See!
I'm The Baby, Gotta Luv Me [Dinosaurs]
Im The Captain Of My Soul [Nelson Mandela]
I'm The Devil, Im Here To Do The Devil's Business [Charles 'Tex' Watson]
I'm The Evil Twin
I'm The Result Of A Big Bang In A Universe Created By A Big Bang
I'm The Wisest Man Alive, For I Know That I Know Nothing
I'm Throwing Shame Out The Window, Along With My Bra - Who Needs That? [Jules Archer]
I'm Too Lazy To Procrastinate
I'm Trying To Imagine You With A Personality
I'm Used To Grownups Making Rules For Me They Dont Observe Themselves [The Closer]
I'm Very Fond Of Women ... But, Like All Men, I Don't Understand Them [Frank Sinatra]
I'm Very Good In Bed, I Can Sleep All Day
I'm Very Responsible, Whenever Anything Goes Wrong They Say I'm Responsible
I'm Very Sorry I Caught You Feeling-Up The Old Lady. Thank You Mr. Tact [The Producers]
I'm What I Do [Martin Buber]
I'm Willing To Admit That I May Not Always Be Right, But I Am Never Wrong [S. Goldwyn]
I'm Willing To Make The Mistakes If Someone Else Is Willing To Learn From Them
I'm Writing A Book About Reverse Psychology, Please Don't Buy It
I'm Writing A Book, So Far I've Got The Pages Numbered
I'm Your Best Friend, Now, Always, & Especially When You Are Eating [Dog Haiku]
81

Imagination Is Everything, It Is The Preview Of Life's Coming Attractions [Albert Einstein]


Imagination Is Intelligence Having Fun
Imagination Is More Important Than Knowledge [Albert Einstein]
Imagination Not Natural Laws Make The Rules As Only The Imagination Is Forever Mutable
Imagine The Future Without Using Hypothetical Situations
Imbroglio, An Intricate & Confusing Situation, Some Would Say A Snafu
Imelda Marcos' Motto: 'If The Shoe Fits, Buy It'
Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Fatuousry
Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery
Immaculate Conception
Immaculate Reception
Immature Adult
Immediate Future
Immediately Approachable
Immigration Control
Impaired Hubby Claimed His Barren Wife is Unbearable, Inconceivable & Impregnable
Impatient Patient
Imperfect Competition
Imperfect Perfectly
Imperfectly Perfect
Implementation Lag
Implicit Collusion
Implicit Cost
Implicit Logrolling
Implicit Opportunity Cost
Implicit Price Deflator
Important Game
Important Thing Is Not To Stop Questioning [Einstein]
Important To Stay Cool, But Be Sure To Not Get Frostbite
Important To Watch What You Eat, How Else Do You Get It Into Your Mouth? [Matt Diamond]
Important Trivia
Imposed Democracy
Impossible Accomplishment
Impossible Cannot Be Achieve Without Attempting The Absurd
Impossible Dream
Impossible For An Optimist To Be Pleasantly Surprised
Impossible For An Pessimist To Be Unpleasantly Surprised
Impossible Goal
Impossible Is Just Waiting To Happen [Barry J. Lipson]
Impossible Is Nothing When A Man Tries Or A Woman Cries
Impossible Temptation
Impossible Things Usually Don't Happen [Sam Treiman]
Impossible To Make Anything Foolproof As Fools Are So FoolHARDY
Impossible To Make Anything Foolproof As Fools Are So Ingenious
Impossible To Sling Mud With Clean Hands
Impossible To Sneeze With Your Eyes Open
82

Impossible To Tell If One Is Sitting On His Hands Or Covering His Ass


Impossible To Travel Faster Than Light & Also Undesirable As One's Hat Keeps Blowing Off
Impossible True Story [Disneys Secretariat Adv]
Impotence Is Just Nature's Way Of Saying No Hard Feelings
Impotent Loser Is One Who Can't Even Get His Hopes Up
Impotent Man Has Willy-Nilly/Nilly-Willy
Impotent Potentate
Impressive Ignorance
Impressive Silence
Improvised Arrangement
Improvised Choreography
Improvised Moon Landing
Imzadi, 'The First To Ever Touch My Soul' [Star Trek, TNG]
In 1492 Columbus Sailed The Ocean Blue
In A Big Enough Dictionary, Just About Everything Is A Word [Dave Barry]
In A Downturn The Genius CEOs Are Just The Ones Six Months Behind The Curve [BJL]
In A Downturn The Idiot CEOs Are Just The Ones Six Months Ahead Of The Curve [BJL]
In A Good Apple You Sometimes Find A Worm
In A Mad World, Only The Mad Are Sane [Akiro Kurosawa]
In A Hen's Hiney!
In A Panic Stay Cool, Hide In The Cooler
In A Panic, Walk Fast & Look Worried
In A Panic, Scream!
In A Quarrel, Each Side Is Right
In A Restaurant, Choose A Table Near A Waiter
In A World Without Walls & Fences, Who Needs Windows & Gates?
In Absolute Silence Lies The Loudest Sound
In Addition To A Lack Of
In All Honesty Im A Crook
In American, An Hour Is About 40 Minutes [German Saying]
In An Organization, Each Rises To The Level Of His Own Incompetency [Peter Principle]
In An Organization, Each Rises To The Level Of His Own Incompetency, He Peters Out!
In An Upturn The Genius CEOs Are Just The Ones Six Months Ahead Of The Curve [BJL]
In An Upturn The Idiot CEOs Are Just The Ones Six Months Behind The Curve [BJL]
In & Out, In & Out, What Do You Want, The Moron Said To The More Wanting Woman
In Another Life Holmes, You Would Have Made A Excellent Criminal [Holmes 2009]
In Another Life Inspector Lestrade, Youre An Excellent Policeman [Sherlock Holmes 2009]
In Any Calculation, Any Error Which Can Creep In Will Do So
In Any Moment Of Decision 'Worst Thing You Can Do Is Nothing' [Theodore Roosevelt]
In Army, If It Moves Salute It; If It Doesn't Pick It Up; If You Can't Paint It
In Bridge It's Always The Partner's Fault
In Bridge It's Always The Partner's Fault, As In Life!
In Calm Water Every Ship Has A Good Captain
In Case Of Emergency, If Cute Rescuer Fashionable Life Jacket Useful As Flirtation Device
In Case Of Emergency You Will Be Given Due & Timely Notice! How?
In Comic Strips, The Person On The Right Always Speaks First [George Carlin]
83

In Communism Man Oppresses Man, In Capitalism The Opposite Is True


In Confrontation Between Stream & Rock, Stream By Perseverance Always Wins [J. Brown]
In Council You Descant On Bravery, & In The Battle You Tremble [Antithesis]
In Democracy Your Vote Counts, In Feudalism Count's Vote Counts
In Doing The Peoples Business, Keep Your Business Separate From Your Pleasures [To Dr. D]
In England There Are Sixty Different Religions & One Sauce [Voltaire]
In Every Life We Have Some Trouble, When You Worry You Make It Double [Bob Marley]
In Fact, The Little Details Are By Far The Most Important [Sherlock Holmes 2009]
In For A Penny, In For A Pound
In France Cooking Is A Serious Art Form & A National Sport [Julia Child]
In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash [Jean Shepherd]
In God We Trust, All Others We Polygraph
In-House Arrest
In Life, It's Not What You Know, It's How Your Wife Found Out
In Life, It's Not What You Know, It's Who Knows What
In Life, It's Not What You Know, It's Who Knows You
In Life, It's Not What You Know, It's Who Says No!
In Life, It's Not What You Know, It's Who Says No First
In Life, It's Not What You Know, It's Who You Know
In Life, It's Not Who You Know, It's How Your Wife Found Out [Joey Adams]
In Life, It's Not Who You Know, It's Who Knows What
In Life, It's Not Who You Know, It's Who Knows You
In Life, It's Not Who You Know, It's Who Says No!
In Life, It's Not Who You Know, It's Who Says No First
In Life, It's Not Who You Know, It's Who You Know
In Life, You Have Two Choices, Get Over It Or Die With It On Your Mind
In Lifes Trip, Bag Your Luggage, But Dont Lug Your Baggage
In Lifes Trip, Keep Your Luggage & Baggage Separate
In Lifes Trip, Never Get Separated From Your Luggage
In Lifes Trip, Never Trip Over Your Baggage
In Love You Always Win, Even If You Lose [Paulo Coelho]
In Matrimony, To Hesitate Is Sometimes To Be Saved [Samuel Butler]
In Matters Of Principle Stand Like A Rock [Thomas Jefferson]
In Matters Of Style/Taste Swim With The Current [Thomas Jefferson]
In Middle Ages They Would Burn Me, Now They Are Content To Burn My Books [Freud 1933]
In My World, Everyone's A Pony & They All Eat Rainbows & Poop Butterflies! [Dr. Seuss]
In Nature There Are Neither Rewards Nor Punishments, There Are Only Consequences
In Olden Days A Glimpse Of Stocking Was Seen As Something Shocking, Now Anything Goes
In Order To Be Someone, You Must First Be Yourself
In Order To Get A Loan You Must First Prove You Don't Need It
In-Out Burgers
In Peace You Are For War, & In War You Long For Peace [Antithesis]
In-Person Absentee Voting
In Pinball Game Of Life, His Flippers Were A Little Further Apart Than Most
In Poker, A Good Deal Depends On A Good Deal
In Politics & Government There Are Many Inside Dopes With Inside Dope Who Take Dope
84

In Prosperity Your Friends Know You, In Adversity You Know Your Friends
In Punishing The Guilty We Must Protect The Innocent [JFK]
In Real Life There Is No Such Thing As Algebra [Fran Lebowitz]
In Round Figures Over A Billion People Are Overweight
In-School Suspension
In Sleep, Man Doesnt Sin, But His Dreams Do!
In Some Attempts, It Is Glorious Even To Fail
In Spite Of The High Cost Of Living, It's Still Popular [Kathleen Norris]
In Tabling The Homosexual Issue, They Said Need To Suck On It, Its a Mouthful!
In The Altogether Im All Together
In The Beginning There Was Nothing & Then Even That Exploded
In The Big City You Deprive A Village Of Its Idiot
In The Buff Im Hot Stuff
In The Case Of The Missing Toilets, Police Have Nothing To Go On
In The Cookies Of Life, Your Friends Are The Chocolate Chips
In The Fight Between You & The World, Back The World
In The Footprints In The Sands Of Time, We Hope Yours Aren't The Mark Of A Heel
In The Hole
In The Kingdom Of The Blind The One Eyed Man Is King
In The Kitchen
In The Land Of The Blind The Braille Reader Rules (When Not Hauling Brails)
In The Land Of The Blind The One-Eyed Man Is King
In The Land Of The Blind The Ugliest Can Be Queen
In The Line Of Booty
In The Line Of Booty General Petraeus Initiated Operation Cloak & Shag Her
In The Line Of Duty
In The Loop
In The Magickal Universe ... No Coincidences & There Are No Accidents' [Martha Washington]
In The Magickal Universe ... Nothing Happens Unless Someone Wills It To Happen' [M. W.]
In The Middle Of Any Difficulty Lies An Opportunity [Albert Einstein]
In The Middle Of Nowhere
In The Midst Of Life We Are In Death
In The Mirror Everybody Sees His Best Friend
In The Morning She Eats Angels, In The Evening She Defecates Devils
In The Orchestra Of A Great Kitchen, The Sauce Chef Is A Soloist [Fernand Point]
In The Practice Of Tolerance, Ones Enemy Is The Best Teacher [Dalai Lama]
In The Rear Slid His Gear
In The Rear With The Gear
In The War Of Wits Many Go Unarmed
In Theory There Is No Difference Between Theory & Practice, In Practice There Is [Yogi Berra]
In This Life He Laughs Longest Who Laughs Last
In Time, The Promise Of Tomorrow Becomes The Threat Of Tomorrow [Don Daniels]
In Unanimity There Is Cowardice & Uncritical Thinking
In Union There Is Strength [Napoleon - But Not THE Napoleon Napoleon Hill]
In Vino Veritas [In Wine There Is Truth - Pliny The Elder]
In Vino Veritas, Scouts Honor
85

In War There Is No Second Prize For The Runner-Up


In Wine There Is Wisdom, Beer Strength, Water Bacteria [David Auerbach 2002]
In Wine, Truth [Vino Veritas]
In Your Mind, What You Believes To Be True Either Is Or Becomes True [John Lilly]
Inactive Volcano
Inadvertently Obstreperous
Inanely Competent
Inanely Jealous
Inarticulate Speaker
Inarticulate Writer
Incessant Barrage
Include Me Out [Samuel Goldwyn]
Income Tax
Income Tax Has Made More Liars Out Of Americans Than Golf [Will Rogers]
Incoming Fire Has The Right Of Way
Incoming Friendly Fire Is Most Dangerous
Incompatible Marriage
Incompetence Can Supersede Intelligence
Incompetence Knows No Barriers Of Time Or Place
Incompetence Plus Incompetence Still Equals Incompetence
Incompetent Who Hires An Able Assistant, Is He Still Incompetent?
Incompetents Often Hire Able Assistants Who Obfuscate Their Incompetence
Incomplete Cure
Incomplete Heart Surgery
Incomplete Stop
Incontinence Hotline - Can You Hold, Please? [Desk Sign]
Inconstant Affections
Inconstant Lover
Inconstant Moon
Inconvenient Truth [Al Gore]
Increase In Minimum Wage Voted Down By House Republicans
Increase Voted Down
Increasing Declines
Increasing Losses
Increasingly Little
Incredibly Believable
Incredibly Common
Incredibly Convincing
Incredibly Credible [Sen. Joseph Biden]
Incredibly Dull
Incredibly Honest
Incredibly Real
Incredibly Unconvincing
Incremental Costing
Incremental Pricing
Incubator - Apparatus To Promote Growth Of Premature Infants, Chicks & Businesses
86

Indecent Exposure
Indecision Is The Key To Flexibility
Indecisive? I'm Not So Sure!
Independent Financial Advisor
Independent Party
Independent Union
Independent Variable
Independents Want To Take The Politics Out Of Politics' [Adlai Stevenson]
India Indian
Indian Casino
Indian Giver
Indian Giver Gave Guest His Wife For Nightly Warmth & Then He Wanted Her Back!
Indian Giver Gave Guest His Wife For Night & Then He Wanted Her Back! - Mnage A Trois?
Indian Giver Is A Person Who Gives A Gift & Later Wants It Back [English View]
Indian Giver Is An 'Ersatzgiver' Who Culturally Expects A 'Substitute' In Replacement For Gift
Indian Givers Gave Manhattan To Dutch, Dutch , For $24 In Barter & It Wasn't Even Theirs
Indian Made Irish Mist Liqueur
Indian Plane Reported Hijacked By Authorities [Reuters]
Indian Reservations
Indian Summer
Indian Summer, A Spell Of Warm Weather After The First Frost [Dictionary.Com]
Indian Summer, Any Late Flowering Following A Period Of Decline [US Literature 1830's]
Indian Summer Crept Stealthily Over His Closing Days [Thomas De Quincey 1855]
Indian Summer, For Indians Waging More Destructive Warfare' On Settlers [JL Peyton 1882]
Indian Summer Mistakenly Attributed To British Rule Of The Indian Subcontinent
Indian Summer Of Serene Widowhood [Oliver Wendell Holmes' The Guardian Angel 1867]
Indian Summer Of The Heart! [John Greenleaf Whittier 1834]
Indian Summer Previously Called By British All-Hallown, St. Lukes & St. Martins Summer
Indian Summer Previously Called By French t De La Saint-Martin [Feast Day Nov. 11]
Indian Summer Relates To Hawkins DC Trip Letter To POTUS, OK If The Creek Don't Rise?
Indian Summer, Severe Frost Then Short Interval Of Smoke & Mildness [US Farmer 1778]
Indian Summer, Warm Spell When Amerinds Smoked Out Game For Smoking For Winter
Indiana Jones Boasted He Had Years Of Fieldwork In Nocturnal Activities
Indiana Jones Boasted These Included Mating Customs & Primitive Sexual Practices'
Indians Got Here First - They Had Reservations!
Indians Scalp Senators [Cleveland vs. Washington - Cy Young's 500th Victory (1910) AP]
Indians Were The First Americans Because They Had Reservations
Indians With Reservations Residing on Reservations
Indians Without Reservations
Indifference Is The Opposite Of Art Not Ugliness [Elie Wiesel]
Indifference Is The Opposite Of Faith Not Heresy [Elie Wiesel]
Indifference Is The Opposite Of Life Not Death [Elie Wiesel]
Indifference Is The Opposite Of Love Not Hate [Elie Wiesel]
Indifferently Attentive
Indirect Access
Indirect Action
87

Indirect Communication
Individual Brilliance Trumped By Organized Stupidity
Individual Group
Indpis Water Co., 113 Monument Pi., Indianapolis, Indiana [Interesting Abbreviation]
Induced Consumption
Induced Indifference
Induced Natural Birth
Industrial Park
Industrial Revolution
Inefficient Viruses Kills Their Hosts, Clever Ones Stays With Them [James Lovelock]
Inelastic Demand
Inelastic Elasticity
Inelastic Supply
Inexact Science
Inexpensive Car
Inexpensive Girl Friend
Inexpensive House
Inexpensive Luxury
Inexpensive Medical Care
Infallible Way Of Conciliating Tiger Is To Be Devoured By It [Konrad Adenauer]
Infernal Heat
Infernal Noise
Infernal Nuisance
Infernal Optimist
Infernal Peace & Quiet
Infernal Punishment
Infernal Revenue Service
Infernals Quivered
Infinite In Number
Infinite Number
Infinitely Finite
Infiniti Luxury Car Ad - If No One Ever Challenged The Status Quo:
*'The Earth Would Still Be Flat' But, Not In This Reality!
*'E Would Just Equal E' - As In Edsel Or Earache?
*'Rock Would Have No Roll' - Before 1922 Song 'My Man Rocks Me, With One Steady Roll'
*'Rock Would Have Roll As Directed By J. Robinson In 1935: 'Commence To Rock & Roll'
*'Rock Would Have Roll, Therefore, Even Without Elvis, But The King Would Be Missed!
*'Empires Will Rule Forever' - Viva La Arab Spring!
Infinity & Beyond
Infinity Is One Lawyer Waiting For Another
Inflammably Flammable
Inflation Cuts Money In Half Without Damaging The Paper
Inflationary Gap
Influence By Example, 'It Is The Only Means' Of Being Influential [Albert Einstein]
Influence The Influencers
Inform All The Troops That Communications Have Completely Broken Down
88

Information Deteriorates Upward Through Bureaucracies


Information Is Not Knowledge [Albert Einstein]
Information Is Not Knowledge, Knowledge Is Not Wisdom, Wisdom Is Not Truth [Frank Zappa]
Information Superhighway
Information Travels More Surely To Those With Lesser Needs To Know
Ingsoc, Portmanteau Of English Socialism, The Political Ideology Of The Party [1984]
Inhaling Glassblower Got Pane In Stomach & Sand In Nose
Inherent Vice Of Capitalism Is The Unequal Sharing Of Blessings [Winston Churchill]
Inherent Virtue Of Socialism Is The Equal Sharing Of Miseries [Winston Churchill]
Initial Conclusion
Initial Results
Initial Retirement
Initiative Is To Do The Right Thing, Efficiency Is To Do It Right
Injun, An Amerind, American Indian Or Native American
Injury Is Much Sooner Forgotten Than Insult
Injustice Anywhere Is A Threat To Justice Everywhere [Martin Luther King, Jr]
Injustice Is Relatively Easy To Bear, What Stings Is Justice [H. L. Mencken]
Ink Dries Quickly, Tears Dont
Ink On Dead Trees
Ink With Which All History Is Written Is Merely Fluid Prejudice [Mark Twain]
Inka Dinka Doo [Jimmy Durante]
Ink's Purpose Is To Facilitate Infection Of Idiocy & Promote Intellectual Crime
Inmate Missing After Escaping Via Mail Slot [Lexington Herald-Leader]
Inmate Trustee
Innate Wisdom
Inner Beauty
Innocent Bureaucratic Blunder
Innocent Criminal
Innocent Heart Sentenced To A Life In Cheney [Daily Show]
Innocent Lie
Innocent Need A Lawyer, The Guilty Can Lie For Themselves [Bewitched's Ben Franklin]
Innocent Seduction
Innocently Guilty
Innovation Distinguishes Between A Leader & A Follower [Steve Jobs]
Innuendo, An Italian Suppository
Innuendo, Indirect Backstabbing Implication
Insane Are Sure They're Fine, Only Sane Are Willing To Admit They're Crazy [Nora Ephron]
Insane Caucus
Insane Caucus Inanely Scheduled For Tea Time In The Caucasuses
Insane Caucus Voted That All Republicans Who Teed Them Off Were To Be Primaried!
Insane Logic
Insane People Are Sure They're Fine, Only Sane People Admit Theyre Crazy [Nora Ephron]
Insanely Normal
Insanely Reasoning
Insanely Sane
Insanity Is Doing The Same Thing Repeatedly & Expecting Different Results
89

Insanity Is Hereditary, You Get It From Your Kids!


Insanity Is The Only Thing That Keeps Me Sane
Insensitive Gay
Insert Disk #3 It Instructs, But Only Two Will Fit?
Insert Outtie Into Innie, Belly Button That Is!
Inside Every Large Problem Is A Small Problem Struggling To Get Out
Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What The Hell Happened
Inside Every Small Problem Is A Large Problem Struggling To Get Out
Inside Out
Inside Trader
Inside Traitor
Insider Information Seems To Have Always Already Influenced The Stock Market Beforehand
Insider Information Trader Is A Traitor To Duty To Maintain The Confidentiality Of This Info
Insider Information Trading Is Trading Having Nonpublic Material Information & Is Illegal
Insider Trading
Insider Trading Business As Usual, Legally By Congressional Insiders; Illegally By All Others
Insider Trading By Corporate Insider Taboo; By Congressional Insiders De Rigueur
Insights From The Blind [Selma Fraiberg]
Insignificant Continental Extinction
Insignificant Importance
Insignificantly Significant
Insincere Appreciation
Insincere Thanks
Insincere Vow
Insist On Yourself, Never Imitate [Self Reliance, Ralph Waldo Emerson]
Insofar As Mathematics Applies To Reality, It Is Not Exact [Albert Einstein]
Insofar As Mathematics Is Exact, It Does Not Apply To Reality [Albert Einstein]
Insomnia Is So Bad I Can't Even Sleep On The Job
Insomnia, Its Best Cure Is To Get A Lot Of Sleep [W.C. Fields]
Insomnia, The Rest Within Restlessness
Inspiration, A Momentary Suspension Of Stupidity [The Unit]
Install A System Even A Fool Can Use & Only A Fool Will Use It
Instant Classic
Instant Coffee
Instant Credit Actually Means Instant Debt
Instant Folk Hero
Instant Gratification Is Too Slow!
Instant Gratification Takes Too Long [Ghost Whisperer]
Instant Oil Change
Instant Photography
Instant Potatoes
Instant Replay
Instant Sanka Debuted On The Titanic With Instructions 'Just Add Water'
Insults Should Be Written In Sand, Compliments Should Be Carved In Stone
Intended Consequences
Intended Inconsequentials
90

Institutional Revolutionary
Instrumental Song
Insufficient Pizza Consumption Is Associated With Irritability [Matthew Amster-Burton]
Insurance Is Like Marriage, You Pay, Pay, Pay & You Never Get Anything Back [Al Bundy]
Insurgency Began & You Missed It [REM]
Insurmountable Opportunity
Intangible Possessions
Intangible Property
Integrity Is Being Conscientious Even When Nobody Is Around
Integrity Is Doing The Right Thing, Even If No One Is Watching [Jim Stovall]
Intellectual Autocracy
Intellectual Fool
Intellectual Honesty
Intellectual Intercourse
Intellectuals Are The Most Intolerant Of All People [Paul Duncun]
Intellectuals Solve Problems, Geniuses Prevent Them [Albert Einstein]
Intelligence Is Knowing The Difference Between Temptation & Opportunity
Intelligence Sum Total On The Planet Is A Constant, The Population Keeps Growing
Intelligence Without Ambition Is A Bird Without Wings [C. Archie Danielson]
Intelligent Creationist
Intelligent Design
Intelligent Fool
Intelligent Fight
Intelligent Footballer
Intelligent Investing By J. Wellington Wimpy
Intelligent Life Forms
Intelligent Life In DC?
Intelligent Life On Mars?
Intelligent News Coverage
Intelligent Reporter
Intelligent Rock Music
Intelligent Want Self-Control, Children Want Candy [Mevlana Rumi]
Intelligent War Reporter
Intended Consequences
Intense Apathy
Intense Disinterest
Intensely Cool
Intensely Relaxed
Intensely Uninterested
Interactive Discussion [IronHerder]
Interactive Intercourse
Interactive Screensaver
Interactive Solitaire
Intercourse, PA
Intercourse, PA: You Come From Intercourse? We All Come From Intercourse! [Amish Bque]
Interest Free Loan
91

Interest In Banks Low


Interested Students
Interior Border Guards
Internal Combustion Engine: Brilliantly Ingenious [Dag Sderblom]
Internal Combustion Engine: But Absurdly Costly, Complicated & Inefficient [DS]
Internal Consistency Is Valued More Highly Than Efficiency
Internal Exile
Internal Revenue Service
Internet Lunch: Spam, Apple & Cookies
Internet Privacy
Internet Security
Interstate Highways Of Hawaii
Intimate Female Friends Intimate They Needed More Intimacy
Intimate Murder
Intimate Strangers [Richard Schickel]
Intimidate Dating Service, For Intimate Date Or Impelled Dating? [Israel 2004]
Intimidated Intimate Friend Intimated His Dismay
Into Every Life A Little Rain Must Fall
Into Every Life Some Rain Must Fall, Usually When The Top Is Down
Intolerance Is The Last Defense Of The Insecure
Intolerant Of Intolerance
Intolerant Of Tolerance
Intouchables, Eliot Ness Prohibition Agents Fighting Prohibited Wine Watering In Paree
Intouchables, New French Classic Of Wealthy White Tetraplegic & Ghetto Live-In Carer
Intouchables Translates Literally From French 'Untouchable' [2011 Movie Blockbuster]
Intricate Simplicity
Intrinsic Value
Invalid Invalidated His Account When He Learned His Discount Was Invalid
Invalid's Insurance Was Voided As Invalid
Invariable Mark Of Wisdom Is To See The Miraculous In The Common [Emerson]
Invasion Of The Body Snatchers
Invasion Of The Body Trackers [The Verge]
Invasion Of The Data Snatchers [NYTimes.com]
Invasion Of The Mother Suckers [Bones]
Inventor Of Door Knocker Got A No-Bell Prize
Inventor Of Shag Carpet Made A Big Pile
Investigative Reporting
Investigusto
Investment Banking
Investment Managers, Wear Your Crash Helmets & Look Both Ways Before Crossing Clients
Investment Club
Investment In Knowledge Always Pays The Best Interest [Benjamin Franklin]
Invincible Collapse
Invincible Defeat
Invisible Ghost [1941 Bela Lugosi Movie Title]
Invisible Ink
92

Invisible Man
Invisible Man Disappears From View [Reuters]
Invisible Rails*
Invisible Solid
Involuntary Confession
Involuntary Manslaughter
iPhone, iPod, iPad iPaid!
IPO: Initial Public Offering
IPO-DLP: Initial Public Offering-Details Leaked Privately
iPod Is Not For Sharing, Otherwise It Would Be An usPod
iPod's Called Titanic, It's Syncing Now
IQ Of A Mob Equals IQ Of Dumbest Member, Divided By Number Of Members In Mob
Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei Has Issued Fatwa Against Nuclear Weapons
Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khameneis Fatawa Are Binding On Iranians As Shia
Iraqi All Night Long
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms [Monterey Herald Sun - Putting It Back Together...]
Irate Impatient
Irate Patient
Irish American
Irish Coffee Provides All 4 Essential Food Groups - Alcohol, Caffeine, Sugar & Fat [A. Levine]
Irish Mist Liqueur Translates In German To Irischer Mist, Meaning Irish Dung
Irish Potato
Irish Potato Vodka
Irish Wake
Irishman Is Never At Peace Except When He's Fighting
Irishmen Are Only At Peace When Fighting
Iron Butt [Richard Nixon]
Iron Curtain [H. G. Wells, In The Food Of The Gods (1904)]
Iron Curtain [Winston Churchill, 1945]
Iron Dome
Iron Fist
Iron Hand
Iron Hand In A Velvet Glove [Charles V 1516-1556]
Iron Lung
Iron Maiden
Iron Pyrite Is Fool's Gold, But Never Dummies' Or Moron's Gold
Iron Stone
Iron Weed
Iron Wood [Performance Of Thick Wood Beams In Fire Over Steel Beams]
Ironic Similarities
Ironwood [Tree]
Irony Of Ironing Board Cover Being Wrinkled & Irony Of Irony Having Word Iron In It
Irregardless
Irregardless Of The Irrelevant Irreverent
Irregular Plural Nouns: One Fish, Two Fish; Allied Headquarters, Allied & Axis Headquarters
Irregularly Irregular Rhythm [Medical Term]
93

Irregulars [Imperfect Merchandise]


Irregulars [Soldiers]
Irregulars Irregularly Uniformed In Irregulars
Irrelevant Distinction
Irrelevant Objection
Irreplaceable Employees Are Unpromotable
Irresistible Force
Irreversible Error
Irreversible Error - Death Penalty
IRS Got What It Takes To Take What You've Got
Is It Better To Have Loved & Lost Then Never To Have Loved At All?
Is It Better To Have Loved & Lost Then To Have Loved & Won?
Is It Common?" It's Not Unusual
Is It Good If A Vacuum Really Sucks?
Is It Me Or Are Circles Pointless? [Bones]
Is It Only Unethical If You Get Caught?
Is It Politically Incorrecter To 'Go Dutch' Or To 'Welch On A Bet'?
Is It Progress If A Cannibal Uses A Knife & Fork? [Stanislaw Lec]
Is It Time For Your Medication Or Mine?
Is One Nobel Prize So Much To Ask From A Child -- After All I've Done? [Haiku]
Is The Glass Half Full Or Half Empty?
Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus? [Headline -Impertinent!]
Is There An Equivalent Word For Synonym?
Is There Another Word For Synonym? [George Carlin]
Is There Anyone On Board Who Knows How To Fly A Plane? [Airplane 1980]
Is Your Mind Twisted Or Just Badly Sprained?
Islamophobia, An Irrational Fear Of Muslims
Igyvenimo Drama, Lithuanian Theme Park Where You Can 'Experience' Communism
Isn't Cheating Unless You Get Caught?
Isn't Cheating Unless You Get Caught, But Youll Still Burn In Hell!
Isn't Getting Knocked Down, It's Getting Up Again [Vince Lombardi]
Isn't Hard To Meet Expenses, They're Everywhere
Isn't How Big It Is, It's Where You Can Put It [House]
Isn't How Much An Item Costs, It's How Much You Save
Isn't It Funny How The Mood Can Be Ruined So Quickly By Just One Busted Condom?
Isn't Only A Sin, it's 'A Shandah, Cherpa, Vavooz-Scandal & Crime' [Rabbi Lipson]
Isn't Over Until It's Over [Yogi Berra]
Isn't Rocket Science
Isn't That I Am Always Right, It's Just That You Seldom Are!
Isn't That Special? [Church Lady - Dana Carvey]
Isn't The Length Of The Wand, But The Magic In It
Isn't The Length Of The Wand, But The Magic In The Stick
Isn't That Life Is Short. It's That Death Is So Long
Isn't The Load That Breaks You Down, Its The Way You Carry It [Lou Holtz]
Isn't The Size Of The Dog In The Fight, It's Size Of The Fight In The Dog [Ike]
Isn't The Mountain Ahead That Wears You Out--It's The Grain Of Sand In Your Shoe
94

Isn't The Years In Your Life That Count, It's The Life In Your Years [Abraham Lincoln]
Isn't There Any Other Part Of The Matzo You Can Eat? [Marilyn Monroe On Matzo Balls]
Isn't This Smurfy? [Jokey Smurf]
Isn't What I Do, But The Way I Do It [Mae West]
Isn't What I Say, But The Way I Say It [Mae West]
Isn't What You Wear, It's How You Take It Off
Isn't What You're Called, It's What You Answer To [African Proverb]
Isn't Where We Stand, But In What Direction We Are Moving
Isn't Whether You Win Or Lose, Its How You Look When You Play The Game
Isn't Who You Know, It's Whom You Know
Issue Is A Piffle, A Trifle, A Tisket & A Tasket Of Sheer Silliness[Richard Cohen-GOP Debate]
It Ain't Over Till The Fat Lady Sings
It Ain't The Size, It's... No, It's The Size
It Ain't The Size, It's The Prize
It Aint What They Call You, Its What You Answer To [W. C. Fields]
It Ain't What We Don't Know, But What We Know That Ain't So, That Gets Us In Trouble
It Beats As It Sweeps As It Cleans [Hoover Vacuum]
It Costs Nothing To Look [Onkuken Kost Kain Gelt]
It Doesnt Matter How Fast You Climb If The Ladder Is Leaning Against The Wrong Wall
It Dont Matter If Its Hot Or Sweet
It Dont Mean A Thing If It Dont Got That Swing
It Falls From Human Hands & Human Hands Have The Power To Stop It? Trash!
It Freshens Without Enfeebling & Fortifies Without Irritating [Brillat-Savarin- Salad]
It Gets Better
It Goes In - It Must Come Out
It Goes Without Saying
It Goes Without Saying, So Why Say It?
It Goes Without Saying That Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid
IT Is As Bad As You Think & THEY Are Out To Get You
It Is As It Is, Mend It For Your Own Good [Othello]
It Is As It Is, & It Will Be As It Must Be [Robert G. Ingersoll]
It Is Better To Espouse Elucidation & Eschew Obfuscation!
It Is What It Is
It Is What It Is, & It Ain't Nothin' Else [Dan Flavin]
It Is What It Is, Don't Label It!
It Is What It Is, It Is What You Make It [James Durbin]
It Is What It Is, Its Not What It Could Have Been, It Is What It Is [Nicole Kidman]
It Is What It Is, It's Not What It Should Have Been, It Is What It Is [Nicole Kidman]
It Isn't An Optical Illusion. It Just Looks Like One
It Isn't 'The Size Of The Dog In The Fight, Its The Size Of The Fight In The Dog [Ike]
It Isnt What It Isnt!
It Keeps On Going & Going & Going.... [Energizer Batteries]
It Knocked You Socks Off Clear Into The Washer
It Matters Not How Slowly You Go So Long As You Do Not Stop [Confucius 551-479BC]
It May Be OK To Let A Fool Kiss You, But Don't Let A Kiss Fool You
It May Be That Our Role Is Not To Worship God But To Create Him [Arthur C. Clarke]
95

It Must Be True, I Heard It On The Internet! [Madville]


It Must Be Wonderful, I Don't Understand It At All!
It Never Rains But It Pours [Monsoon Season]
It Never Rains But It Pours [Morton Salt]
It Occurred To Me Lately That Nothing Has Occurred To Me Lately
It Rolled Off My Back Like A Duck
It Rolled Off My Back Like A Duck Flapping & Scratching All The Way Down
It Rolls Off My Back When I Duck
It Rolls Off My Ducks Back When He Ducks
It Seemed Like The Thing To Do At The Time
It Takes A Long Time To Understand Nothing [Edward Dahlberg]
It Takes A Lot Of Dough To Make The Upper Crust [Alfred E. Newman]
It Takes A Lot Of Dough To Make The Upper Crust [Poppin' Fresh, The Pillsbury Doughboy]
It Takes A Pickpocket To Pocket The Pick After The Toothpick Picks At The Gum Pocket
It Takes a Second To Say I Love You, an Hour To Explain It & A Lifetime To Prove It
It Takes A Smart Guy To Play Dumb [Mr. T]
It Takes A Thief To Catch A Thief
It Takes A Very Unusual Mind To Undertake Analysis Of The Obvious [Alfred Whitehead]
It Takes A Village [Jane Cowen-Fletcher]
It Takes A Whole Village To Raise A Child [African Proverb]
It Takes All Sorts To Make A World
It Takes Courage To Grow Up & Become Who You Really Are [E.E. Cummings]
It Takes Less Time To Do A Thing Right Than To Explain Why You Did It Wrong
It Takes Less Time To Let Him Finish Than to Convince Him To Stop
It Takes One To Know One
It Takes Two To Make A Marriage Work, But Only One To Make It Fail
It Takes Two To Make A Quarrel & The Same Number To Get Married
It Takes Two To Tango
It Took Vision To Started The Blind Institute
It Takes Years To Develop Into The Kind Of Human Being You Want To Be [Ziggy Marley]
It Was A Cough That Carried Him Off, It Was A Coffin They Carried Him Off In [Tombstone]
It Was A Nightmare This Morning
It Was A Virgin Forest, A Place Where The Hand Of Man Had Never Set Foot
It Was All So Different Before Everything Changed
It Was Such A Lovely Day I Thought It A Pity To Get Up [W. Somerset Maugham]
It Was Supererogatory Of Her To Gloat
It Was The Best Of Times, It Was The Worst Of Times [Charles Dickens]
It Works Better If You Plug It In
It Works For Me
Italian American
Italian Plane Passengers See Flames, Vote To Land [Reuters]
Italian Spaghetti [China]
Italian Tomato [Hottie]
Italian Tomatoes [Americas]
Itchy & Scratchy Law: Severity Of Itch Is Inversely Proportional To The Ability To Reach It
It's A Barbarity That A Clarity Is A Rarity [Science Dude - Bones]
96

It's A Bit Too Expensive


It's A Catastrophic Success
It's A Cult, Like Moonies, Or The Homeless, Or As We Are Now Told, Mormons
It's A Damn Poor Mind That Can Only Think Of One Way To Spell A Word [Andrew Jackson]
It's A Dog-Eat-Dog World & I'm Wearing Milkbone Underwear! [Norm - Cheers]
It's A Great Ability To Be Able To Conceal Ones Ability [La Rochefoucauld]
It's A Lot Less Bovver Than A Hover [Qualcast]
Its A Shandeh For The Children! [Es Iz A Shame( Shandeh) Far Di Kinder]
It's A Step Forward Although There Was No Progress [Hosni Mubarak]
It's A Very Good Question, Very Direct, & Im Not Going To Answer It [George H. W. Bush]
It's About Freakin' Time
It's Absolutely Impossible, But It Has Possibilities [Samuel Goldwyn]
It's All About Bitches [American Kennel Club]
It's All Grist To The Mill
It's All Make Believe, Isn't It? [Marilyn Monroe]
It's Always Brave To Say What Everyone Thinks [Geo Duhamel]
It's Always Funny Until Someone Gets Hurt, Then It's Just Hilarious
It's Always In Season For The Old To Learn [Aeschylus]
It's Always Tea-Time [Mad Hatter]
It's Always Too Early To Quit [Norman Vincent Peale]
It's Always Too Late To Squelch A Quittance
It's An I For An I When Two Egotists Meet
It's An Ill Cook Who Cannot Lick His Own Fingers [Wm Shakespeare]
It's An Ill Wind That Blows No One Any Good
It's Bad Luck To Be Superstitious [Andrew W. Mathis]
It's Because Of Men That Women Dislike One Another [Jean De La Bruyre]
It's Become Appallingly Clear That Our Technology Has Surpassed Our Humanity [Einstein]
It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
It's Been Real & It's Been Fun, But It Hasn't Been Real Fun
It's Better To Be Looked Over Than Overlooked [Mae West]
It's Best To Be On The Safe Side
It's Better To Give Than To Receive
Its Better To Give Than To Receive, Depending On The Gift
It's Better To Give Than To Receive Subpoenas, The Process Server Confided
It's Better To Have Loved & Lost Than Never To Have Loved At All
It's Better To Light A Candle Than Curse The Darkness
It's Better To Know How To Learn Than To Know [Dr. Seuss]
It's Better To Travel Hopefully Than To Arrive
Its Bitter Like Bile & Without Bile One Cannot Live
It's By Will Alone That I Set My Mind In Motion [Dune]
It's Characteristic Of Wisdom Not To Do Desperate Things [Thoreau]
It's Clever, But Is It Art? [Rudyard Kipling]
It's Cold As Hell Outside!
It's Common Sense, ... You Don't Have To Be Sleazy & Make Deals [Schwarzenegger]
It's Crime Fighting Time! [Bullit Proof - C.O.P.S.]
It's Delightful, It's Delicious, It's Dilemma, It's De Limit, It's Deluxe, It's De-Lovely
97

It's Difficult To Argue With Someone Who Is Not Obsessed With Being Right [W W Dyer]
It's Easier To Be Wise On Behalf Of Others Than To Be So For Ourselves [La Rochefoucauld]
It's Easier To Change A Mans Religion Than His Diet [Margaret Mead]
It's Easier To Fight For One's Principals Than To Live Up To Them [Alfred Adler]
It's Easier To Go Down Hill Than Up, But View Is Much Better At The Top [Henry W. Beecher]
It's Easy To Be Wise After The Event
It's Easy To Be Wise After The Event, As Any Idiot Knows!
It's Eight O'clock Now! - Why The Devil Didn't You Tell Me That Before?
It's Full Of Old Clichs! Let's Have Some New Clichs! [Samuel Goldwyn]
It's Fun To Have Fun, But You Have To Know How [Dr. Seuss]
It's Funny How Annoying A Little Prick Can Be [Pricking His Finger On Badge-Iron Man II]
It's Garbage! [Es Iz Nit Geshtoygen Un Nit Gefloygen - It Never Rose & It Never Flew]
Its Good For Nothing! [Ich Darf Es Ahf Kapores! - I Need It For Fowl Sacrifice]
It's Good To Touch The Green, Green Grass Of Home [Green Green Grass Of Home]
It's Greek To Me, Geek
It's Hard To Be Fit As A Fiddle When You're Shaped Like A Cello
It's Impossible To Have Too Much Fun
Its Impossible To Make Anything Foolproof As Fools Are So Ingenious
It's In Justice, Not Injustice, That The Ordering Of Society Is Centered [Aristotle]
ITS Introduces DataFlow, ... User-Fiendly WorkFlow Development Tool [Computer Rag]
It's /Its Important To Use Apostrophe's Right
It's Like Dj Vu All Over Again [Yogi Berra]
Its Like Eating Soup With A Fork!
It's Like Eating Soup With A Fork, Personally I Prefer Saving Forks For A Piece of Meat!
It's Lonely At The Top, But The Eatings Better
It's Midnight, Do You Know Where Your Pants Are?
It's Morally Wrong To Allow Suckers To Keep Their Money [Canada Bill Jones]
It's Most Unwise For People In Love To Marry [George Bernard Shaw]
It's Much Easier To Become A Father Than To Be One [Kent Nerburn]
It's My Cat's World, Im Just Here To Open Cans
It's My Money & I Want It Now [Occupied Wall Street]
It's Never Too Late
It's Never Too Late To Be What You Might Have Been [George Eliot]
It's Nice To Ripen But Sad To Grow Old
It's Night Before Its Afternoon [Dr. Seuss]
It's No Use Crying Over Spilt Milk
It's No Use Locking The Stable Door After The Horse Has Bolted
It's Not As Great A Day For The Bride As She Thinks, She's Not Marrying The Best Man!
It's Not About What It Is, It's About What It Can Become [Dr. Seuss]
It's Not An Optical Illusion, It Just Looks Like One
It's Not Hard To Meet Expenses For They're Everywhere
It's Not Hard To Meet Expenses Hard Headedly Head On, It Is Hard To Hide From Them
It's Not Number Of Breaths We Take, But Number Of Moments That Take Our Breath Away
It's Not That I Want To Kill Lois, I Just Don't Want Her Alive Anymore [Stewie Griffin]
It's Not The Heat, Its The Humidility
It's Not What He Says About Others, But What Others Say About Him
98

It's Not What You Gather But What You Scatter


It's Not What You Wear, It's How You Take It Off
It's Not Where You Came From, It's Where You Go
It's Not Whether You Win Or Lose, But How You Place The Blame
It's Not Who Is Right, But What Is Right, That Is Of Importance [Thomas Huxley]
Its OK If He Leaves Me, So Long As He Leaves Me Enough
It's OK Not To Be OK
It's Okay To Be Ugly, But Aren't You Overdoing It?
It's Only A Gambling Problem If You're Losing
It's Only Trifles That Irritate My Nerves [Queen Victoria]
It's Opener, Out There, In The Wide, Open Air [Dr. Seuss]
It's Our Responsibilities, Not Ourselves, That We Should Take Seriously [Peter Ustinov]
It's Right To Write Her In
It's Safest To Be On The Best Side
It's Show Time Synergy [Jem & The Holograms]
It's Simply Hard...
It's So Disturbing, It's Beautiful
It's So Disturbing That It's So Beautiful
It's So Overt It's Covert [Sherlock Holmes 2011]
It's The Big One [Fred Sanford Fake Heart Attach]
It's The Big One [Hurricane Katrina Hitting New Orleans]
It's The Destiny Of Mint To Be Crushed [Waverley Root]
It's The Destiny Of Mint To Crush Planchets Into Coinage
It's The Early Bird That Catches The Worm
It's The Empty Can That Makes The Most Noise
It's The End Of The World As We Know It & I Feel Fine [REM]
It's The Poop Deck, That's Why I Pooped There [Peter Griffin]
It's The Spirit & Not The Form Of Law That Keeps Justice Alive [Earl Warren]
It's The Squeaky Wheel That Gets The Grease
It's Tough To Make Predictions, Especially About The Future [Yogi Berra]
It's Vain To Do With Fewer What Requires More [Karl Menger]
It's Vain To Do With More What Can Be Done With Less [William Of Occam]
It's Very Simple To Be Happy, But It's Very Difficult To Be Simple [Rabindranath Tagore]
It's What's Up Front That Counts! [AMA - American Mathematicians Association]
It's What's Up Front That Counts! [The Marlboro Man]
It's What's Up Front That Counts! [Winsetta Cigaretta]
It's What's Up Front That Counts [Winston Churchill]
It's What's Up Front That Counts [Winston Cigarettes]
It's When Things Seem Worst That You Must Not Quit [Edgar A. Guest]
It's Wrong To Be Always Right
It's Your Attitude & Not Your Aptitude That Determines Your Altitude [Zig Zigler]
I've A Feeling We're Not In Kansas Any More
I've A Terrible Memory, I Never Forget A Thing [Edith Konecky]
I've Been Burning In Water & Drowning In Flame [Him - Under The Rose]
Ive Been Called Worse Things By Better People [Pierre Trudeau]
I've Been In More Laps Than A Napkin [Mae West]
99

I've Been On A Calendar, But Never On Time [Marilyn Monroe]


I've Been On A Constant Diet, I've Lost A Total Of 789 Pounds [Erma Bombeck]
I've Been On A Diet For 2 Weeks & All I've Lost Is 14 Days [Totie Fields]
I've Been Places & Seen Things
I've Been Things & Seen Places [Mae West]
I've Committed Adultery In My Heart Many Times [Jimmy Carter In Playboy]
I've Developed A New Philosophy, Only Dead One Day At A Time
I've Developed A New Philosophy, I Only Dread One Day At A Time [Charlie Brown]
I've Failed Over & Over & Over Again In My Life & That's Why I Succeed [Michael Jordan]
Ive Fallen & I Cant Get Up!
Ive Fallen & I Cant Get You Up On Me!
I've Got A Good Mind To Join A Club & Beat You Over The Head With It [Duck Soup]
I've Had A Perfectly Wonderful Evening, But This Wasnt It [Groucho Marx]
I've Had A Terrific Battle With Common Sense, & Finally Stupidity Won [Paul Makin]
I've Had Amnesia As Long As I Can Remember
Ive Just Been On A Once-In-A-Lifetime Holiday & You Know What, Never Again!
I've Just Learned About His Illness. Let's Hope It's Nothing Trivial [Irvin S. Cobb]
I've Loved This Gal For 41 Years. If My Wife Finds Out She'll Kill Me [Henry Youngman]
I've Made Mistakes, But Never Made Mistake Of Claiming I Never Made One [James Bennet]
I've Never Done This Before, Nor That!
I've Never Done Tit For Tat!
I've Never Killed A Man, But I've Read Many Obituaries With Great Pleasure [Darrow]
I've Never Let My Schooling Interfere With My Education [Mark Twain]
I've Never Met Such A Small Mind Inside Such A Swelled Head Before
I've Nothing To Offer But Blood, Toil, Tears & Sweat [Winston Churchill]
Ive Only Slept With You Dear, With All The Others Ive Been Awake
I've Opinions Of My Own, Strong Opinions. But I Don't Always Agree With Them [Geo. Bush]
I've Stopped Drinking, But Only While I'm Asleep [George Best]
I've Taken A Vow Of Poverty To Give My Life Purpose, To Annoy Me Send Money
I've This Nagging Fear That Everyone Is Out To Make Me Paranoid
I've Told You For The Millionth Time, Stop Exaggerating
I've Wanted To Run Away From Home More As A Parent Than As A Child

J
J. Wellington Wimpy Treating
J Street Skipped In Washington, D.C. Due To Confusability In 1791 With I [NCIS]
J Street Stealthfully Avoids J Walkers By Its U2 Tactics - You Too Can't Find It!
Jabberwock Snicker-Snacked By Vorpal Sword, His Head Went Galumphing Back' [Alice]
Jabberwock, Eyes Aflame, Jaws That Bait & Claws That Catch [Alice]
Jabberwocky, She's Slain My Jabber-Baby-Wocky? [Alice-Red Queen]
Jack Goff Charged With Crashing Into Library While Drunk
Jack Goff Lived Up To His Name
Jack Goff Popped Off Too Often
Jack Hammer
Jack Kennedy [John Fitzgerald Kennedy]
Jack Kevorkian Available For Hospices & Tea Parties
100

Jack Of All Trades, Master Of None


Jack-Off Of All Trades, Master Beta Of None
Jackass Pass
Jackass Penguins*
Jacket On = Directing, Jacket Off = Participating, Trousers Off = Performing
Jackie Jack-Off'ed Jack When He Jilted Janet Joplin, He Wished
Jaded Naif
Jaggerbushes, Pittsburghese For Thorny Or Intrusive Bushes That Jag, Prick Or Poke
Jagging Off In Da Bathroom? Aftah School 'Goin Go Jagoff, I Bet'
Jagoff Answers The Phone With 'Whaddaya Want?'
Jagoff: Pittsburghese For A Real Jerk, As In Jerkoff Or Jack-Off, But Much Stronger
Jagoff: Rude Asshole-like, Irritating, Inept, Repugnant Person
Jagoffs 'The Other Night, All Drunk On Ahrns N'at'
Jail Bait
Jailbird
Jailbreak, To Escape From Prison
Jailbreak, To Escape From Prison Of Official Apps & Software In Use Of Electronic Devices
Jam Tomorrow & Jam Yesterday, But Never Jam Today [Lewis Carroll]
Jamaican Proctologist Is A Pokemon
Jambalied Shrimp
Jambalaya, A-Crawfish Pie & A Fillet Gumbo
Jambalaya Shrimp [Small Portion]
James Bond, Cunning Linguist
James Bonds Burn Notice Spontaneously Combusted
James Bonds Burn Notice Was Spontaneously Com-Busted By Pussy Galore
James Dean: Dream As If You'll Live Forever, Live As If You'll Die Today
James Dean: Rebel Without A Cause Star, Died At Age 24 In Car Accident [1931-1955]
James M. Barrie Coined Name Wendy For Peter Pan, But Not Wendy's The Burger Joint
Jane Fonda Latest Video Is Called Didn't Work Out
JAP [Jewish American Princess], Of Whom You Might Ask: Is Anything OK?
Jap, World War II Japanese Soldier Or Jewish-American Princess, Pick Your Own Poison!
Japan, Russia Still Far Apart On Islands [Reuters]
Japanese American
Japanese Yen Declined Yesterday Against Dollar
Japanese Yen Where Is That [Not So] Old Geisha Of Mine I Crave?
Jarring Harmony [Horace]
Jason Was Bourne Before The Bourne Identity On The Silver Screen [TV 1988; Movies 2002]
Jaw-Jaw Is Always Better Than To War-War [Winston Churchill]
Jawboning
Jawbreaker
Jawless Critter
Jaws Of Life
Jaywalking
Jazz Bird
Jazz Goes On Forever & I Am Deeply Committed To Jazz
Jazz Goes On Forever & I Don't Understand It!
101

Jazzy Jezebel
Jedediah Goodwin, Auctioneer, Born 1828 Going! Going!! Gone!!! 1876 [Tombstone]
Jedi Mind Meld Is Obamas Latest Feat Melding Star Wars With Star Trek
Jeepers [Scooby Doo]
Jeepers Creepers
Jeepers Creepers Is A Slang Term For Jesus Christ [Karyn Bowman]
Jeepers Creepers Peepers [Where'd Ya Get Them]
Jeepers Creepers Where'd You Get Those Peepers?
*Jeepers Creepers Where'd You Get Those Eyes? [Harry Warren & Johnny Mercer -1938]
Jehovah's Witness Witnessed
Jell-O Is Just Kool-Aid With A Hard-On
Jell-O Shooters
Jerry As In 'Going For A Jerry, By Going To Kill WW II German Soldier, Or Taking A Leak
Jerry Ford [Leslie Lynch King, Jr., Later Changed To Gerald Rudolph Ford, Jr.]
Jerry Sandusky, Penn State Football Coach, Convicted Of 45 Child Sex-Abuse Charges
Jersey Shore, A Shore Place For Beach Fun Along The East Coast Of New Jersey
Jersey Shore, PA, Founded & Manned By The Two Manning Brothers From New Jersey [1785]
Jersey Shore, PA, Founded On The Shore Of The West Branch Of The Susquehanna River
Jersey Shore, Reality-Based TV Series Following Lives Of Several New Jersey 20-Somethings
Jesuit Boston College Prez Leahy Initiated The Church In The 21st Century Program
Jesuit Initiated This Program As A Means Of Moving The Church From Crisis To Renewal
Jesuit Program Here Is Thus To Examine Roles Of Women & Laity, Celibacy, Sex Abuse ...
Jesuits First Pope, Pope Francis I, Born & Ministered In Argentina, Has Italian Roots
Jesuits Linked With Social Justice, Ecumenical Dialogue & Latin America Liberation Theology
Jesuits, Society Of Jesus, Christian Male Religious Order Of The Roman Catholic Church
Jesus & All Jews Are The Children Of The LORD Your God [Hebrew Bible - Deuteronomy]
Jesus' Birth Being Before His Birthday Must Certainly Be A Sign Of Divinity [Anonymous]
Jesus' Birth Was In The Days Of Herod, King Of Judea, 40 BC To 4 BC [Luke 1:5]
Jesus: Born Of Descendant Of David According To The Flesh...Declared Son Of God [Romans]
Jesus Christ!
Jesus Christ Is A Graecized Version Of Hebrew First Name Yeshua & Title Messiah
Jesus Gios Tou Iosf, His True Greek Name, From Hebrew Yeshua Ben Yosef
Jesus: Hebrew Name Anglicized Becomes Joshua Son Of Joseph
Jesus Jeans, Take Their Name in Vain, Prepare to Meet Their Maker [Wall Street Journal]
Jesus Jeans, Turn The Other Check - Your Butt Looks Heavenly [NPR]
Jesus Movements 2 Paths: Jewish Messianic Movement Led By Jesus Brother James [R. Reiss]
Jesus Movements 2 Paths: Law Free Gentile Church Led By Paul [Rabbi Moshe Reiss]
Jesus: My God, My God, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me? - Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabachthani? [Mark]
Jesus Sabbath Is Saturday & He Would Pray At A Synagogue Not Church [Rabbi Moshe Reiss]
Jesus To A Good Number ... Is Only Prophet Or Teacher Or Rabbi [Rev. Bernie L. Gillespie]
Jesus To Adoptionists Is The Adopted Son Of God As Of His Baptism
Jesus To Arians Is The Best Of Created Beings
Jesus To Islam, like Adam, Abraham, Moses & Muhammad, Is Islamic Prophets Of Allah
Jesus To Jehovahs Witnesses Is A Great Angel [Rev. Bernie L. Gillespie]
Jesus To Latter Day Saints Is, In Essence ... A Highly Evolved Human [Rev. B. L. Gillespie]
Jesus To Others Is A Third Of A Trinity, The Son Of God, &/Or God Him/Her/Itself
102

Jesus, Was He 'A Christian? ... The Resounding Answer Is NO!' [Rev. Bernie L. Gillespie]
*Impossible For Him To Be A Christian As Jesus Was A Jew & He Was God [Rev. BLG]
*Martin Luther - The Jews & Their Lies [1543]: 'Do Not Grant Them ... Communion With Us'
*Traditionally Lutheran Communion Was Closed To Jews, Non-Christians & Non-Lutherans
*QED: Lutherans Were Not To Grant Jesus Or Other Nons, Or Nuns, Communion With Them
Jesus, Which Jesus? Apocalyptic Son Of Man; Existentialist Rabbi? [John Wick Bowman]
Jesus, Which Jesus? Essene-Like Teacher; Nazorean Scheming Messiah ? [John Wick Bowman]
Jesus, Which Jesus? Para-Zealot Revolutionary? [John Wick Bowman]
Jet Lag
Jet Setter
Jews Are Gentiles In Utah
Jews For Jesus
Jewish Gentiles
Jewish Penicillin [Chicken Soup]
Jewish Pope
JFK [John Fitzgerald Kennedy]
Jig Jog Bounce [Childrens Book]
Jiggered Know-All
Jiggered Know-It-All
Jiggery-Pokery
Jiggle Me Timbers [Monk - Death Command]
Jim! Im A Doctor Not A... [Leonard McCoy]
Jiminy Cricket
Jimmy Carter [James Earl Carter, Jr.]
Jingoistic
Jinkys! [Scooby Doo]
Jitney Jalopy
Jittery Ride
Joan Of Arc Heard Voices, Too!
Job Fair
Job Haters Support Group Is "EVERYBODY & They Meet At The Bar' [Rain Bojangles]
Job Hunters Dilemma: No Experience No Job, No Job No Experience
Job Hunting
Job Is Nice But It Interferes With My Life
Job Leavers
Job Losers
Job Opening For Inside Man At Skunk Works, Odiferous Mans Need Not Apply [Li'l Abner]
Job Satisfaction
Job Security
Jobless Recovery
Jobless Satisfaction
Jock, From John, Meaning Scotsman, Athlete Or Black
Jodi Arias Convicted - Jury Hung! [Not Jodi?]
Jodi Arias Convicted - Jury Hung! [On Whether Jodi Lives Or Dies]
Joe Cool - Joe A Stereotypical Male Given Name & Cool For A Cool Guy Camel
Joe Lieberman Will Work His Heart Out 24/6!
103

Joe Paternos Free Memorial Tickets Were Sold-Out


Joe Paternos Free Tickets Sold By Scalpers On The Internet
Jogging Stroller
John E. Goembel, Esq., 1867-1946, The Defense Rests [Tombstone]
Johnny Appleseed Of Tomatoes
Join The Army, Visit Exotic Places, See The World, Meet Interesting People, Kill Them!
Joined At The Waist & Carrying Siamese Passports
Joined For Life Or Until Divorced
Joint
Joint Hearings
Joint Production [Dual Products/Joints]
Joke Is A Very Serious Thing [Winston Churchill]
Joke Signed Into Law By Bush, Obama Didn't Vote For It [The Onion, 9/21/05]
Joke Sometimes Become Law & Laws Often Are Jokes
Joke With A Double Meaning 'Can Only Mean One Thing' [Ronnie Barken]
Jokers Wild, Fills My House
Jokers Wild, He Escaped Batman
Jokes About German Sausage Are The Wurst
Jokes Are Like Sex, Neither Is Any Good If You Don't Get It
Jokes Become Fathers When The Punch Line Are Apparent
Jokesters Are Funny, Punsters Are Punny
Jollify
Jolly Decent Of Him
Jolly Trolley
Jonah
Josh Bard Suffers Minor Injuries In Fatal Car Crash [Fan House]
Joshua Ben Joseph, Whos He & Where Would He Worship Today?
Journalistic Accuracy
Journalistic Ethics
Journalistic Integrity
Journey Of A Thousand Miles Must Begin With A Single Step [Lao-Zi]
Journey Of A Thousand Miles Oft Begins With Broken Fan Belt & Flat Tire
Journey Of A Thousand Miles Begins With One Step, Of 1000 Sites With One Click
Joy Of Chickens, Outsold Joy Of Sex In Certain Chicken Shit Circles [Dennis Nolan]
Joy Of Sex, Pocket Edition, For Those Comfortable With Hands In Pockets [Alex Comfort]
Joy Overjoyed The Sadist
Joy Ride
Joyful Trouble
Joys & Sorrows Are Chosen Long Before They Are Experienced
Judge A Man By His Questions Rather Than His Answers
Judge No One By His Children [Marilyn Vos Savant]
Judge Not By Their Opinions, But By What Their Opinions Have Made Them [G. Lichtenber]
Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged
Judge Not, That Ye Be Not Judged
Judge Your Success By What You Had To Give Up In Order To Get It [Dali Lama]
Judges Judged! Judge Ciavarella Gets 28 Years & Judges Toole & Joyce Removed From Bench
104

Judicial Restraint
Judiciary Ordered Restraints
Jug Band Improvises Music From Jugs, Washboards, Kazoos & Other Primitive Objects
Jug Fills Drop By Drop [Buddha]
Jugg Jog Bounce
Juggalos/Juggalettes, Posse Of Insane Clown Posse, Psychopathic Hip Hop Records Group
Juggalos Name Came From Insane Clown Posses Song The Juggla
Juggla, He'll cut your windpipe, eat your face, Hes Violent J
Juggler, From Middle English Jogelour & Latin Joculator, For Minstrel, Magician
Juggler, Vain One Who Manipulates Especially In Order To Achieve A Desired End
Juggler, Vain One Who Manipulates Objects, Situations &/Or People
Jugglings, A-Cup Itty Bitty Titties, But Unlike Ducklings They Don't Grow Up Big
Juggs Jogging Jiggle
Juglar Cycle, Seven-Eleven Year Fixed Investment Cycle Identified In 1862 By Clement Juglar
Juglar Seven-Eleven Cycle Sounds Like A Toss Of The Dice [Seven Come Eleven]
Jugonaughts, As In 'Oh My Gawwd! Them Jugonaughts Are Massive, Its Unbelievable'
Jugs To Be Drunk From, Juggs To Be Cuddled, Juggs To Get Us Very Muddled
Jugs Jogging Jiggle
Jugs, Much Handled Earthen Or Glass Containers Of Liquids With Narrow Mouth & Handle
Jugs, Much Handled Large Fleshy Milk Containers, Best Enjoyed By Mouth & Handling
Jugs, Much Handled, Often Misspelled JuGGs For The Duality Of Delights Offered
Jugshot, Photo Shot, Often By Cell Phone, Of Cleavage Or Unclothed Boobage
Jugulant, Juggular, Juggulous, Jugnormous, Jugmungus: Large & Succulent Whats?
Jugular Vein Brings Deoxygenated Blood From The De-Lighted Head Back To The Heart
Juice Bar
Juliet To Have Romeo Feigns Death With Sleep Potion, Romeo Seeing Her So Kills Self
Jumbo Shrimp
Jump Off A Paris Bridge & You're Clearly In Seine
Jump Seat
Jump Start
Jumper Cable Was Let Drink In Bar On Condition 'You Dont Start Anything'
Jumping Off A Paris Bridge Makes You In Seine
Jungalows, Shelters At Dutch Roadburn Festival Of Psychedelic, Doom & Leftfieldor Music
Jungle Gym
Junior Senator
Juniors Know The Rules, Seniors Know The Exceptions
Junk Accumulates To Fill The Space Available
Junk Bonds
Junk Food
Junk Is Something You Throw Away Just Before You Need It
Junk Mortgages
Junked Mortgaged Home
Jurisprudence Fetishists Get Off On Technicalities
Jury Hung, Two Convicts Evade Noose
Jury Of Your Peers
Jury: Twelve People Who Determine Which Client Has The Better Attorney
105

Jussipussi Finnish Bread & Tarts


Just A Job - Grass Grows, Birds Fly, Waves Pound, I Beat People Up [Muhammad Ali]
Just Beat The Widow Making
Just Because Everything Is Different Doesn't Mean Anything Changed
Just Because Men Have One Doesn't Mean They Have To Be One
Just Because Your Head Is Pointed, Doesn't Mean You're Sharp [Bumper Sticker]
Just Do It! [Nike Adv]
Just Doing My Job
Just Friends [Honorable Friends]
Just Friends [Only Friends]
Just Got Back From A Pleasure Trip, I Drove My Wife To The Airport !
Just In Time
Just Kidding! [ALF]
Just One Letter Makes All The Difference Between Here & There
Just Plead The Fifth - Or Drink It - Either Way Its Your Right
Just Remember, If The World Did Not Suck, We Would All Fall Off
Just Say Your Aunt Likes To Crochet, Don't Say She's A Happy Hooker!
Just Smile & Say 'Yes, Mistress'
Just The Facts, Ma'am [1987 Dragnet Film]
Just Tell Yourself, Duckie, You're Really Quite Lucky [Dr. Seuss]
Just War
Just When It Can't Get Worse, I've Had A Shit Day [Pink]
Just When It Can't Get Worse, 'I've Had A Shit Day', They Called Me Pink-Shit [Pink]
Just When You Think You Can Make Ends Meet, The Ends Move
Just When You Think You've Won The Rat Race Along Come Faster Rats
Justice A Decision In Your Favor
Justice A Decision In Your Favor, Injustice A Decision Disfavoring You
Justice Always Prevails, Three Times Out Of Seven
Justice Delayed, Is Justice Denied [William Gladstone]
Justice Dont Have The Sense God Gave A Goat [Albert Snyder]
Justice Requires Unaffected To Be 'As Outraged As Those Who Are' [Benjamin Franklin]
Justice Roberts Sounded Chamade Signaling Willingness For Dispassionate Compromises?
Justice Roberts Wrote Both Sides Of Health Care Ruling [Prof Paul Campos - 3/4th Of Dissent]
Justice To The Left Of You, Justice To The Right [Yes Hold On]
Justice Whats-His-Name [Fill In]
Justifiable Genocide
Justifiable Homicide
Justifiable Murder
Justifiable Paranoia
Justifiably Paranoid
Justifiably Rape
Justified Rape
Juvenile Adolescent
Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant [Headline - Incarceration Not Good Enough?]

K
106

K-Mart K-Smart
Kaffir, Infidel In Arab For Non-Muslim, Kush Mountain Hindu, Black & Refugee From Zulu
Kama Sutra
Kama Sutra De-Suits Its Adherents
Kama Sutra Explores Many Positions, But Not The Position That It Doesnt Suit Ye
Kama Sutra Suits Its Adherents While De-Suiting Them
Kamikaze Bombers
Kamikaze Muslims
Kamikaze Pilots
Kangaroo Court
Kangaroo Justice
Kansas Cyclone [Dwight D. Eisenhower]
Karaoke Is A Chinese Word Meaning Tone Deaf
Karate Is Where People With Years & Years Of Training Make Worst Movies Imaginable
Karate School Restaurant Served Many Chops
Kathy Griffin These Are My Tits [Jimmy Kimmel 11/16/10]
Kathy Griffin These Are My Tits Feel Em
Kay Jewelers Every Kiss Begins With K
Kayak & Racecar Are On The Radar, Reading The Same Backwards & Forwards
KBO - 'Keep Buggering On' [Dr Who By Winston Churchill]
Keen Pulsating Desire Is The Starting Point Of All Achievement [Napoleon Hill]
Keep A Man Guessing Too Long & He'll Find The Answer Somewhere Else [Mae West]
Keep A Stiff Upper Chin [Samuel Goldwyn]
Keep A Stiff Upper Lip
Keep America Beautiful
Keep America Beautiful, Properly Dispose Of Yes Men
Keep An Open Mind, But Not So Open That Your Brains Fall Out
Keep Doing What You've Always Done & You'll Keep Getting What You've Always Got
Keep Honking, Im Reloading
Keep It Cool With Coolidge [Calvin Coolidge]
Keep It Mum
Keep It Mum, Mom
Keep It Mum, Mum
Keep It Mum, Numb Nuts
Keep It Mum, Numbskull
Keep It Simple, Stupid
Keep It Simple, Stupid Poopit
Keep It Off The Grass
Keep Mum About Mums For Mum
Keep Nose To Grindstone & Shoulder To Wheel, It's Cheaper Than Plastic Surgery
Keep Off The Grass
Keep Off The Grass, Read Sign On Drug Rehab Center Lawn
Keep Off The Grass Sign Was Prevented Being Post By No Walking On Grass Regulations
Keep Off The Grass, Tattoo Read; Sorry, Had To Mow The Lawn Surgical Dressing Noted
Keep On Keeping On [R. U. Darby]
Keep Staring, I May Do A Trick
107

Keep Talking, Something Intelligent Must Eventually Emerge


Keep Telling Myself Im A Pathological Liar, But Im Not Sure If I Believe It
Keep The Faith
Keep Things Precisely As They Are [Mr. Wall Street, New Yorker Cover]
Keep Your Chin Up
Keep Your Chin-Chin Up [Dedicate To All You Japanese Gentlemen]
Keep Your Chinny-Chin-Chin Up
Keep Your Chins Up
Keep Your Eyes Wide Open Before Marriage, Half Shut Afterwards [Benjamin Franklin]
Keep Your Fears To Yourself, But Share Your Inspirations [Robert Louis Stevenson]
Keep Your Feet On The Ground & Keep Reaching For The Stars [Casey Kasem]
Keep Your Friends Close, But Your Enemies Closer [The Godfather II]
Keep Your Happiness In Circulation
Keep Your Ideals High Enough To Inspire You & Low Enough To Encourage You
Keep Your Mouth Shut & You'll Be Thought Stupid, Open It & You'll Remove All Doubt
Keep Your Mouth Shut, Be Ye Fish Or Crook!
Keep Your Powder Dry [Revolutionary War Admonition]
Keep Your Powder Dry [Revolutionists Recreational Admonition]
Keep Your Words Both Soft & Tender As Tomorrow He May Have To Eat Them
Kenny Boy [Bush II For Enron CEO & Chairman Kenneth Lay]
Kentucky Fried Chicken's 'Finger-Lickin' Good' Reads In Chinese 'Eat Your Fingers Off'
Kept Political Promise
Kevorkian [Suicide] Clinic Short-Lived [AP]
Key Chain
Key Dietary Messages Are Stunningly Simple - Eat Less, Move More [Marion Nestle]
Key Of G-Demolished [From G-Diminished - ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons]
Key To Failure Is Trying To Please Everyone [Bill Cosby]
Key To Good Relationship Is The Key. Give Me Back That Door Key!
Key To Immortality Is First Living A Life Worth Remembering [Bruce Lee]
Keyboard Error - Press Any Key To Continue
Khazeray/Chozzerai, Yiddish For Junky, Trashy, Disgusting , Awful, Even Loathsome Food
Khrushchev Ostentatiously Wooed Castro
Khrushchevs Holey Shoe
Khrushchev Table Banger
Kibitz, Yiddish For Conversing Idly, Offering Unwanted Advice, As By A Kibitzer (Gossip)
Kick Can Down Road [Modern American Politics]
Kick It!
Kick Proof
Kick Stand
Kick The Bucket
Kick The Bucket Is Both An Idiom & Metaphor For Passing Away [Also An I&M For Dying]
Kicked The Front Door In But Had To Take The Back Door Out
Kicker I Hate To Be, I Always Long For Peace, But Tis True Squeaking Gets The Grease
Kicker, Either Tire Tester Or Constant Complainer
Kickstand
Kids Are Puns
108

Kid Gloves Harrison [Benjamin Harrison]


Kids More Violent, Suicidal, But They're Happy [Headline]
Kid Proof
Kid Proof Cant Kid Me!
Kid Proof No Kid Falls In Here!
Kid Proof - They Dropped This!
Kidder Not A Skidder, I Am [Rueler]
Kidding On The Square
Kids Are Growing Up When Your Daughter Is Putting On Lipstick & Your Son Wiping It Off!
Kids Are First Taught To Walk & Talk, & Then Are Told To Sit Down & Shut-Up
Kids Don't Know What Work Means, They Think It's A Four-Letter Word [Hillary Clinton]
Kids, Drugs Aren't To Be Kidded About, They Must Be Taken Seriously
Kids Exchange Consignment Store [KidSexChange As Sign Reads]
Kids Hardest Job Is Learning Good Manners Without Seeing Any
Kids, Keep Hitting Those Books, & If They Dont Break Try A Wood Chipper [Colbert Report]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Headline - Yum-Yum!]
Kids Of Invisible Man & Invisible Woman Are Nothing To Look At Either
Kids, Some Are Small, Some Tall, But Fatso Kramden Walks The Hall Wall-To-Wall [Ralph]
Kids! Too Soon They Wont Ask Where They Came From & Wont Tell Where Their Going
KidSexChange As Sign Reads [Kids Exchange Consignment Store]
Kidz Cutz, Not For Cutz Of Tender Young Long Pig But For Bobbing Kidz Heads
Kill For God
Kill For Love
Kill For Peace
Kill Humane Society
Kill Time, Time After Time - Yet Time Persists, Never Dying! Never Shying!
Killed Him Dead
Killed Him Dead - Is Redundant [Bones]
Killer Bees
Killer Bird
Killer Ducks Are Coming!
Killer Fox
Killer Klowns
Killer Pussy
Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years [Headline Miraculous?]
Killer Smile
Killer Whale, On Porpoise
Killer Worm
Killer Yeast [Saccharomyces Cerevisiae]
Killing Bee
Killing Spelling Bee
Killjoy
Kilroy Was Here
Kind Gifts In Kind
Kind Gifts In Kind Can Be Unkind [Aid Thoughts: The Unkindness Of In-Kind Aid]
Kind Mind Is A Fine Mind [Bones]
109

Kind Of Cruel
Kind People May Be Accused Of Selfish, Ulterior Motives - Be Kind Anyway [Mother Teresa]
Kind Word & A 2-By-4 Get More Than Just A Kind Word
Kind Words Can Be Short & Easy To Speak, But Their Echoes Are Endless [Mother Teresa]
Kinders Shlep
Kindly Excuse Juan Epstein From Exertion Of Any Kind, 'Signed: Epstein's Mother'
Kinetic Station
King & Country
King & Cunty
King Can Do No Wrong
King Andrew [Andrew Jackson]
King George The First, NOT [George Washington]
King James On Smoking: A Custom Loathsome To The Eyes, Hateful To The Nose [1620]
King James On Smoking: Harmful To The Brain & Dangerous To The Lungs [1620]
King John The Second [John Adams]
King Of Camelot [John F. Kennedy]
King Of The Mountain
KingDAM
Kingpin
Kings Extra Dark Unique Tasting Sourdough Crunchy Pretzels A/K/A Burnt Offerings!
Kings Of TMI [Too Much Information]
King's Son Is No Nobler Than His Company [Gaelic Proverb]
Kiss & Make Up
Kiss & Tell
Kiss Ass
Kiss Ass Beautiful
Kiss Goodbye
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Kiss My Grits! [Alice]
Kiss Of Death
Kiss Of Life
Kiss Of Peace
Kiss Off
Kiss Wife Goodbye When You Leave House Or Kiss House Goodbye When Wife Leaves You
Kissafani Finnish Cat Fanzine
Kisses, Humps & Bottled Olives, First Is Devilishly Difficult, Rest Come Easily
Kissimmee River
Kissing Bug [Bloodsucker]
Kissing Cousins
Kissing Disease [Mono]
Kissing Gourami Aren't! They Are Seeking To Establish Dominance!
Kissing Gourami, Aren't They Then Acting Quite Like Kissing Humans?
Kissing Is Just Shopping Upstairs For Downstairs Merchandise
Kisstomary To Cuss The Bride [Customary To Kiss]
Kissy Kisser
Kissy Lips
110

Kissy-Face
Kismet Hardy Or Kiss Me, Hardy? [Adm. Horatio Nelson Near Death Words To Capt. Hardy]
Kit & Caboodle
Kitchen Police
Kitten 'When It Grows Up, It's Always A Cat' [Ogden Nash]
Kitty Cat
Kiwi, Actinidia Chinensis Scientifically, In Chinese Yang/Mihou Tao (Sunny/Macaque Peach)
Kiwi, Being Atypical & Difficult To Categorize, Is 'Duck-Billed Platypus Of The Fruit World'
Kiwi Is Not A Gay Bird, But Both A Bird & A Fruit, The Bird Native To New Zealand
Kiwi The Fruit First Lived Its Life As Yang Tao, Monkey Apple & Chinese Gooseberry
Kiwi The Fruit Migrating To New Zealand, Goosed Goose & Monkey To Honor Kiwi Bird
Kiwi, Or Kiwifruit, Named After New Zealand Flightless Kiwi Bird (Also Melonette & Zespri)
Kiwi, Previously Chinese Gooseberry Which Is A False Gooseberry But A True Fuzziod
KJV: As Used Here Refers To King James Version Of Christian Bible First Translated 1611
KJV: Comparisons show About 3 Per Cent Of Bible's Texts Varies Across All Manuscripts'
KJV: Is 'Above & Beyond All Authorities On Earth' [Www.Kjvgodsword.Com]
KJV: Is 'The Absolute Final Authority, In All Matters Of Faith & Practice' [Kjvgodsword]
KJV-Only Supporters: Are In Error 'Judging The Bible By Doctrines' [Elgin L. Hushbeck, Jr.]
KJV-Only Supporters: Are In Error Not 'Judging Doctrines By The Bible' [E. Hushbeck, Jr.]
KJV: Originals Of Bible Gone, Only Copies Of Copies Of Copies [Ilias Chatzitheodorou]
KJV-QED: As No Two Languages Are Identical [Eugene Nida]
KJV-QED: As There Can Be No Absolute Correspondence Between Languages [Eugene Nida]
KJV-QED: There Can Be No Fully Exact Translations [Eugene Nida]
KJV, Well, God's Words From Biblical Times, Or Only Attempts To Translate Them Faithfully?
KKK Supermarket [Finnish Grocery Chain]
Klein Bottle For Rent -- Inquire Within
Klutz/Klots, A Clumsy, Uncoordinated Person [Yiddish-'Wooden Beam']
Klutz Trips Over Wireless Phone, Schlub Plugs It In
Knapsacks In Germany Advertised As Body Bags, But Too Small For Nap Sacks
Knave Of Hearts, Arrest That Girl For Unlawful Seduction! [Alice]
Kneading Dough To Put Bun In Oven
Knee-High Panty Hose
Kneecaps Form About 4th Month Of Fetal Life & Ossify As Newborn Develops
Kneeling A Lot Will Keep You In Good Standing, But Not If You're Jewish
Kniferism & Forkerism
Knife That Cuts Four Loaves Simultaneously - A Four-Loaf Cleaver
Knitting While Driving Resulted In 'Pull Over!'
Knitting With Dog Hair: Better Sweater From Dog You Know/Love [Crolius & Montgomery]
Knitting With Dog Hair: Worse From A Sheep You'll Never Meet [Crolius & Montgomery]
Knock & It Shall Be Opened For 'To Him That Knocketh It Shall Be Opened' [Matthew 7:7-8]
Knock-Knock. Whos There? A Haik. A Haik Who? Hey, How The Heck Did You Know That?
Knock Proof
Knothole
Knothole Gang
Know-It-Alls Are Persons Who Speak Before They Think & Wont Shut Up
Know My Biology Already, It's Your Biology I Want To Emerge Myself In
111

Know The Difference Between Instincts & Habits - Trust Your Instincts, Question Your Habits
Know Thyself
Know What I Hate Most? Rhetorical Questions [Henry N. Camp]
Know What I Mean?
Know What I Mean? No, What!
Know What You Know, But Allow Not Knowing What You Do Not Know [Confucius]
Know Your Heart & Then Follow It [Hasidic Saying]
Know Your Limits & Then Ignore Them
Knowing Is Not Enough, We Must Apply; Willing Is Not Enough; We Must Try [Von Goethe]
Knowing Others Is Wisdom, Knowing Thy Self Is Enlightenment [Tao Te Ching]
Knowing Whats Right Is Meaningful Only If 'You Do Whats Right' [Theodore Roosevelt]
Knowing When To Obey The Rules & When & How To Break Them Is Talent Few Possess
Knowledge Is A Process Of Piling Up Facts; Wisdom Lies In Their Simplification [M. Fischer]
Knowledge Is Knowing A Tomato Is A Fruit, Wisdom Is Not Putting It In A Fruit Salad
Knowledge Is Power [Francis Bacon]
Knowledge, Like A Garden, If Not Cultivated Cannot Be Harvested
Knowledge, Sir, Should Be Free To All! [Harry Mudd, Star Trek]
Knowledge Speaks But Wisdom Listens! [Jimi Hendrix]
Knowledge Talks, Wisdom Listens [J. Hendrix]
Knowledge That Makes Us Cherish Innocence Makes Cherished Innocence Unknowable
Knowledge That Makes Us Cherish Innocence Makes Innocence Unattainable [Irving Howe]
Knowledge Travels From Mouth To Ear
Knowledge Was Never Known To Enter The Head Via An Open Mouth
Knowledge Without Insight Is Like A Horse In The Library
Known Conspiracy
Known Covert Operation
Known Secret
Known Stranger
Knuckle Cracker, Manipulator Of Knuckle Producing Sharp Popping Sound Thru Gas Release
Kobayashi Maru [Star Trek]
Kobayashi Maru: Commendationable Out-Of-Box Redefining Problem By Original Thinking?
Kobayashi Maru: Court-Martialable Sneaky Cheating By Surreptitious Reprogramming?
Kobayashi Maru: 'In-Box' Saavik -'Then You Never Faced That Situation ... Faced Death'
Kobayashi Maru: 'Out-Of-Box' James T. Kirk - 'I Don't Believe In The No-Win Scenario'
Kodiak Moment Barely Captured, I Clicked Just As The Bear Started Running Off
Kong Gumi, Temple Builders, Was Longest Lasting Private Company [578 AD 2006 AD]
Kookaburras*
Kosher American-Style: Resistor Tricks The EGR Into Thinking Everything's Kosher [KW]
Kosher Bacon
Kosher, American For Appropriate & Legitimate
Kosher American-Style: Resistor Tricks The EGR Into Thinking Everything's Kosher [KW]
Kosher Certified Bacon Bits & Kosher Crab Are Actually Available In America [Peter Singer]
Kosher Certified Bacon Bits Are Actually Soy-Based & Kosher Crab Processed Finny Fish
Kosher Christmas Cookies
Kosher Ham
Kosher Hamlet
112

Kosher, Hebrew For Food That Fulfills The Requirements Of The Jewish Dietary Laws
Kosher Pork
Koti Gudda [India's Telugu: Numbskull Or The Red Ass Of A Monkey]
Krispy Kreme
Kryptonite, Supermans Achilles Heel
Kuklapolitans Of Kukla, Fran & Ollie Fame Have Strong, Identifiable Characters
Kum Den Bar & Restaurant [Melbourne, Australia]
Kummerspeck, German 'Grief Bacon', Excess Weight Gained From Emotional Overeating
Kung Fu/Gongfu Is Ancient Chinese Term Describing Devotion/Effort/Work In Any Field
Kuntz Insurance Group [Brookhaven, Pennsylvania]
Kush Meer In Toches! - Kiss My Behind!
Kvell, Yiddish For The Expression Of The Feelings Of Great Pleasure & Pride
Kvelling, She Was Bursting With Pride Upon Being Smartly Pricked
Kvetch, Yiddish For Habitually Griping & Complaining [Yiddish Squeeze]

L
L In My Luck Has Been Replaced With An F, Lucky Me?
La - A Note To Follow So
La Margarita [Bush II For Secretary Of Education Margaret Spellings]
Labor Day
Labor Law, A Disagreeable Law Which Is Its Own Reward
Labor Movement: The Folks Who Brought You The Weekend
Laborer Is Worthy Of His Hire
Laborer Is Worthy Of His Hire Or Hell Feel The Fire
Laboring On Labor Day - Open 8 To 8
Labs Favored Over Research [IronHerder Header]
Labs, Labrador Retrievers, Favored Over Re-Searches
LABs, Lucky Assed Bitches, Favored Over Research
Lace-Up Loafers
Lack Of Brains Hinders Research [Columbus Dispatch]
Lack Of Imagination Saves Me From Immobilizing Imaginary Fears
Lack Of Leadership Is No Substitute For Inaction
Lack Of Money Is No Obstacle, Lack Of An Idea Is An Obstacle [Ken Hakuta]
Ladies Man
Lady Asked One-Shoed Man 'Just Lost A Shoe?' - 'Nope, Just Found One'
Lady Birds Johnson
Lady Doth Protest Too Much, Methinks [Shakespeare]
Lady Gaga Lives In GaGa Land!
Lady Godiva Models Emperors New Clothes
Lady Godiva Riding Outfits
Lady Godiva's Horse Won Best Of Show, Lady Godiva Didn't Even Show
Lady Is One Who Never Shows Her Underwear Unintentionally [Lillian Day]
Lady Mud Wrestler
Lady Wearing Padded Bra Makes Mountains Of Molehills
Lady Who Camps Must Beware Of Evil Intent
Lady Who Freely Dispenses Potato Chips, Gives Away A Frito Lay
113

Lady Who Slide Down Bannister Get Slivers By Cracky!


Lady Wrestler
Laid-Back Compulsive
Lake Wobegon, With Strong Women, Good Looking Men & Above Average Kids [G. Keillor]
Lame Effort
Lame Lamb
Lame Lyric
Lame Skills
Lamestream Media [Sarah Palin]
Lamp Shade
Lampadato, Italian Infra-Red Tanning Salon Addict
Lampshade Wearing 'Life Of The Party'
Lampshade Worn By Charlie Chaplin Hoping Cops Will Pass Him By [The Adventurer 1917]
Lampshade Worn By 'Life Of The Party' While Telling Obscene Jokes [Baltimore Sun 1928]
Land Bridge
Land Developer
Land Development
Land Locked
Land Of Milk & Honey
Land Of Milk & Honey Rechristened Land Of Skim & Splenda - Oops! Renamed!
Land Of Skim & Splenda
Landslide [Bush II For British PM Tony Blair]
Landslide Lyndon [Lyndon Johnson]
Lane You're Driving In Will Tend To End In 500 Feet
Language Can Be Used To Express Thoughts, Conceal Thoughts Or Replace Thoughts
Language Is The Dress Of Thought
Language Of Love
Language Of Love, Average Grade F!
Language Of Love, Average Grade F! Oh! F-ck It!
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees [Headline Like Leaves Or Garbos?]
Lard Is Also Very Suitable For Tits [Richlands Forum]
Large Ant
Large Atom
Large Baby
Large Dwarf
Large Microorganism
Large Midget
Large Mini-Van
Large Miniature
Large Minority
Large Shrimp
Largely Inconsequential
Larger Half
Larger The City The More Lonely Its Inhabitants
Larger The Project Or Job, The Less Time There Is To Do It
Largest Mussel Ever Seen Elicited Exclamation Not It's Wondrous But Its Delicious [J. Jacobs]
114

Last, But Not Least, Avoid Clichs Like The Plague [William Safire]
Last Chance At Love - Terminal Romances [Pinnacle Press]
Last End
Last Exit
Last Guys Don't Finish Nice
Last Gym I Was In Moved To Florida
Last Initial
Last Night I Lay In Bed Looking Up At The Stars & Thought: Who Stole The Roof?
Last Night High School Band Played Beethoven & Beat Them 12 To 7
Last One He Knocked-Up This One He Knocked Down [The Closer Coeds Murder]
Last Taste Of Sweets Is Sweetest Last [Shakespeare]
Last Thing I Want To Do Is Hurt You, But Its Still On The List!
Last Thing On Earth You Want To Do Will Be The Last Thing You Do
Lasting Aid
Latchkey Child
Latest Statistics Show Death Rate Has Remained Constant At One Per Person
Laugh Alone & The World Thinks You're An Idiot [Bumper Sticker]
Laugh & The World Laughs With You, Cry & The World Laughs Louder
Laugh & The World Laughs With You, Cry &You Cry Alone
Laugh & The World Laughs With You, Snore & You Snore/Sleep Alone
Laugh & The World Laughs With You, Weep & You Weep Alone
Laugh At Your Problems, Everybody Else Does
Laugh At Yourself First, Before Anyone Else Can [Elsa Maxwell]
Laugh With The Sinners Or Cry With The Saints
Laugh Your Problems Away
Laughing Jack Asses*
Laughing Stock Is Cattle With A Sense Of Humor
Laughter Is A Tranquilizer With No Side Effects
Laughter Is An Instant Vacation [Milton Berle]
Laughter Is Brightest Where Food Is Best [Irish Proverb]
Laughter Is By Definition Healthy [Doris Lessing]
Laughter Is Inner Jogging [Norman Cousins]
Laughter Is Our Greatest Weapon
Laughter Is The Best Medicine
Laughter Is The Brush That Sweeps Away The Cobwebs Of Your Heart [Mort Walker]
Laughter Is The Closest Distance Between Two People [Victor Borge]
Laughter Is The Closest Distance Between Two People & Quipping Narrows It Still Further
Law Abiding Illegal Alien
Law Brief
Law Enforcement
Law Expands To Consume Enforcement Resources & Then Some
Law In Its Majestic Equality Forbids Both Rich & Poor Begging In Streets [Anatole France]
Law Is An Ass
Law Is An Ass, Custom Is A Mule
Law Is An Ass, Custom Is A Mule, Politician Is A Donkey & Elephant
Laws An Ass, Customs A Mule, Politicians A Donkey Or Elephant & Citizens A Lemming
115

Law May Not Change The Heart, But It Can Restrain The Heartless
Law Of Economy
Law Of Parsimony
Law Of Succinctness
Law Of Unintended Consequences
Law Expands In Proportion To Enforcement Resources
Laws Are All Simulations Of Reality
Laws Are Like Sausages, Its Better Not To See Them Being Made [Otto Von Bismarck]
Laws Are Sand, Customs Are Rock [Mark Twain]
Laws Of Nature Understanding Does Not Free One From Obeying Them
Laws Of Politics: Get Elected, Get Re-Elected & Don't Get Mad Get Even
Laws Of Robotics: 1st Protect Human Life, 2nd Obey Human Orders, 3rd Protect Self
Laws Of Robotics: 4th Rust!
Laws That Are Bad Are More Likely To Be Supplemented Than Repealed
Lawyer Says Client Not That Guilty [Headline]
Lawyer Writes A 10,000 Word Document & Calls It A Brief [Franz Kafka]
Lawyers Give Poor Advice [Headline]
Lawyers Weigh O.J. Witnesses [AP]
Lay Bare
Lay Lady Lay, Lay Across My Big Brass Bed [Bob Dylan]
Lay On, Mac Duff, & Damned Be Him Who First Cries 'Hold! Enough!'[Shakespeare]
Lay Low Or Theyll Lay You Even Lower
Lay Over
LayDy [A Magnetic Lay]
Layup
Laziness Is The Mother Of Nine Inventions Out Of Ten
Lazy Sailors Seek Chore Leave
LBJ [Lyndon Baines Johnson]
LBJ 'Charming When Needed, Ruthless When Required' [Obama]
Le Petit Caporal [Napoleon Bonaparte]
Lead Balloon
Lead, Follow Or Get Out The Way
Lead Footed Leader
Lead Me Not Into Temptation
Lead Me Not Into Temptation - I Can Find The Way Myself
Lead On, Mac Duff [Faux Shakespeare]
Leaded Gas
Leader Could Lead, But He Led Only After Getting The Lead Out
Leader Goes Where Lead Desire, Great Leader Where They Ought To Be [Rosalynn Carter]
Leader Is A Dealer In Hope [Napoleon Bonaparte]
Leader Leads By Example Not By Force
Leader Must Have The Courage To Act Against An Expert's Advice [James Callaghan]
*Leader Must Have The Courage To Accept Disaster When Acting Against Expert Advice
Leader, Once He Got The Lead Out, Could Lead & He Has Led
Leaders Help Others To Succeed [Erin Templet]
Leaders Go Down In History, Some Farther Down Than Others
116

Leaderlessnes Is Getting Ordinary Results From Extraordinary People


Leadership Is Getting Extraordinary Results From Ordinary People
Leadership Is More About Influence Than Authority
Leadership, The Ability To Hide Your Panic From Others
Leaf Fall Leaves You With Pile Of Fall Leaves
Lean Pork
Learn From Others Mistakes, You Don't Have Enough Time To Make Them All
Learn From Your Parents Mistake. Dont Have Kids!
Learn From Your Parents Mistakes, Use Birth Control
Learn Other Men's Writings To Gain Easily What Others Have Labored Hard For [Socrates]
Learn Silence From Talkative, Toleration From Intolerant & Kindness From Unkind [Gibran]
Learn Something About Everything & Everything About Something [Thomas H. Huxley]
Learn The Rules So You Know How To Break Them Properly [Dali Lama]
Learn The Trade Not The 'Tricks Of The Trade'
Learn To Be Sincere, Even If You Have To Fake It
Learn To Do It Well Or Learn To Enjoy Doing It Badly
Learn To Listen, Opportunity Often Knocks Softly
Learn To Quit While You're Ahead!
Learned Blockhead
Learned Blockhead Is A Greater Blockhead Than An Ignorant One [B. Franklin]
Learned Fool
Learned Fool Is More Foolish Than An Ignorant One [Molire]
Learned Fool Is One Who Has Read Everything & Remembered It [Josh Billings]
Learning By Teaching
Learning Is A Treasure No Thief Can Touch
Learning From Your Mistakes Is Smart, Learning From Others Mistakes Is Wise
Learning Without Thought Is Labor Lost; Thought Without Learning Is Perilous [Confucius]
Least Famous
Least Favorite
Least Said, Soonest Mended
Leave Fence In Place Until You Know Why It Was Put Up
Leave In The Lurch
Leave The Gun, Take The Cannolis [The Godfather, 1972]
Leave Well Enough Alone
Leaves Of Three, Leave Them Be
Lebanese Government
Lebanese Nation
Lectures Are Like Bicycle Wheels, The Longer The Spoke The Greater The Tire
Led Zeppelin
Left & Right Gloves Left Behind, Wrong Right Glove Found, Right Left Left Glove Found
Left At The Altar
Left At The Altar, Right At The Church Door
Left Behind
Left Gate Is Right Gate, With Right Right Of Way To Left Side Of Town
Left Hand Of God
Left-Handed Hammers
117

Left Intellectual
Left Is Right, Right Is Wrong; Left Is Straight, Right Is Gay
Left Job As Tailor As I Wasn't Suited For It, It Was A So-So Job
Left Lefty's Glove Right There On The Right Side Of Left Field
Left, No The Other Left
Left Right Out
Left Side Is The Right Side & The Right Side Is The Wrong One
Left The Door Open For The Prophet Elijah -- Now Our Cat Is Gone [Haiku]
Left Turn Lane Goes Right
Leftovers Were Served For 30 Years, Original Meal Was Never Found [Calvin Trillin]
Lefty Hefty
Legal Brief
Legal, But Your Mortgaging Future Sales! No Problem, Ill Be Long Gone!
Legal, But In 10 Years The Chinese Will Own Your Technology! No Problem, Ill Be Retired!
Legal Controlled Substance
Legal Ethics
Legal Intelligence
Legal Justice
Legal Monopoly
Legal Murder
Legal Reasoning
Legally Blonde
Legally Drunk
Legally Illegal
Legend In His Own Mind
Legend In Your Own Time [Carly Simon]
Legge Heads Arms Body [Sir Thomas Legg Lead 1998 Arms Sales Inquiry]
Legislator Betrays His Constituent If He Sacrifices His Judgment To Constituents Opinion
Legislators Looping Loopholes Into Legislation, While Loopy, Are In The Loop
Legitimate Conspiracy
Legitimate Politics
Legitimate Rape
Legitimate Rape? But Rep. Akin Isn't All Rape Illegitimate?
Legitimate Rape, Todd? Who's Akin' To Legitimize Rape?
Legitimate Rape! Wow, Todd! It's Both Legit & Without Paternity Suit Consequences?
Legitimate Ruler
Legless Quadriplegic Amputee
Leisure Industry
Leisure Is Being Allowed To Do Nothing [G.K. Chesterton]
Leisure Suit
Lemon Fresh
Lemon Lime
Lemon Zest Adds Zest
Lemon Zest Adds Zest To Lemon Chicken
Lemonade Lucy [Lucy Ware Webb Hayes, Teetotaling Wife Of Rutherford B. Hayes]
Lend Lease
118

Lending Should Be With Witnesses, Giving Without


Length Of Minute Depends On What Side Of Bathroom Door You're On
Lent Give-Up: Colbert Gives Up Catholicism for Lent [Colbert Report]
Lent Give-Up: Give Up All Things Quadragesimal For Lent
Lent Give-Up: Give Up Ashy Forehead for Lent
Lent Give-Up: Give Up Being Gentile For Lent
Lent Give-Up: Give Up Fasting During Lententide For Lent
Lent Give-Up: Give Up Gentilesse & Gentility for Lent
Lent Give-Up: Give Up Girls With Lentiginous Faces For Lent, The Freckled Are Fickle!
Lent Give-Up: Give Up Hand Job Giving for Lent [Ukelady]
Lent Give-Up: Give Up Jainism for Lent, Eat Meat!
Lent Give-Up: Give Up Lent for Lent [Colbert Report Comment]
Lent Give-Up: Give Up Lentia for Lent & All Of Its Cultural Overindulgences
Lentils Are Friendly, The Miss Congeniality Of The Bean World [Laurie Colwin]
Leopard Cannot Change Its Spots
Leopard Cannot Change Its Spots, Nor A Zebra Its Stripes
Leopard Cannot Change Its Spots, Nor A Zebra Its Stripes, But A Chameleon
Les Folies Bergre Or Les Folies Brassiere? No: Les Folies Brasserie [Annapolis, MD]
Less Filling
Less Is More
Less Is More, More Or Less
Less Than Zero
Less The Worth Of Politician, The More He Professes Love Of The Flag
Less There Is To Do, The Slower It Will Be Done
Less Time I Have To Work With, The More Things I Get Done
Less You Enjoy Serving On Committees, More You'll Be Pressed To Do So
Lesser Evil
Lesser God
Lesser Good
Lessons In Meanness Can Led To Critters & Persons Who Learn Their Lessons
Let A Fool Hold His Tongue & That Fool Will Pass For A Sage
Let Bygones Be Bygones
Let 'Er Rip, I May Flip, But Im Hip [Blossom Dearie]
Let Go Your Anger, It Is The Acid That Burns Away The Delicate Layers Of Your Happiness
Let Him Who Would Move The World First Move Himself [Socrates]
Let It Be [Paul McCartney]
Let Me At 'Em! Let Me At 'Em! [Scrappy-Doo]
Let Me Get This Straight, Monk Said As He Straightened Everything
Let Me Get This Straight, Repeating What Was Just Said
Let Me Prove Money Can't Make Me Happy
Let Not The Sun Go Down On Your Wrath
Let Others Have All The Little Tats, While You Keep All The Big Tits
Let Others Have All The Utter Little Tats, While You Keep All The Big Tits
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie & Lying Dogs Sleep
Let The Buck Stop Here, I'll Spend It!
119

Let The Buyer Beware


Let The Dead Bury The Dead
Let The Fraggle's Play! Down At Fraggle Rock!
Let The Meek Inherit The Earth, They Have It Coming To Them [James Thurber]
Let The Punishment Fit The Crime
Let The Train Take The Strain [British Rail]
Let Them Eat Cake!
Let Them Eat Cake, If They Finish Their Veggies!
Let Them Eat Cake, If They Have No Bread A 'Great Princess' Said [Jean-Jacques Rousseau]
Let Ur Fingers Do The Walking [Johnny Walker]
Let Us Never Negotiate Out Of Fear, But Let Us Never Fear To Negotiate [John F. Kennedy]
Let Well Alone
Let Well Enough Alone
Let Ye Not Be Boxed In By The Tied & Trite[Barry J. Lipson]
Let Your Fingers Do The Walking Through The Yellow Pages
Let Your Food Be Your Medicine & Your Medicine Be Your Food [Hippocrates]
Let Your Head Be More Than A Funnel To Your Stomach [German Saying]
Lethal Assistance
Lethal Charm
Lethal Medicine
Let's Be Careful Out There [ Hill Street Blues]
Let's Be Frank!
Let's Be Frank! OK, Ill Be The Chairman Of The Board, Ol' Blue Eyes Frank Sinatra
Let's Be Realistic & Demand The Impossible
Let's Get Dangerous
Lets Get Out Of These Wet Clothes & Into A Dry Martini [Robert Benchley]
Let's Get The Hell Out Of Here [James T. Kirk]
Let's Get This Road On The Show
Let's Have Some New Clichs [Samuel Goldwyn]
Let's Not Complicate Our Relationship By Trying To Communicate With Each Other
Let's Play Carpenter, First We Get Hammered, Then I Nail You
Let's Play House, You Be The Door & I'll Shut You
Let's Play Man & Wife She Said, Get Your Own Damn Blanket [Larry King]
Let's Put The FUN Back In DysFUNctional
Let's Rock!!! [Al Bundy- Married With Children]
Let's Try To Make Everyone's Day A Little More Surreal
Let's You & Him Fight
Let's Wait Together, If The Messiah Comes Well Just Ask: Have You Been Here Before?
Latte Factor
Latte Factor Overflows With Spilt Milk & Sour Grapes
Latte, From Italian Caff Latte Or Caffellatte, Coffee Milk - Incorrectly Spelled Latt Or Latt
Letter Of Reprimand Sentenced To Read Sentences
Lettin' The Cat Out Of The Bag Is A Lot Easier Than Puttin' It Back In [Will Rogers]
Lettuce Alone No Dressing, May Lead To-Mato For Life
Level Incline
Level Of Incompetence
120

Level Playing Field


Liar Liar Pants On Fire
Liar, One Who Tells An Unpleasant Truth [Oliver Herford]
Liars Never Sleep, Sleepers Never Li
Liber8 [Continuum]
Liberal Academic
Liberal Bias
Liberal Christian
Liberal Conservative
Liberal Fundamentalist
Liberal Idealist
Liberal Journalist
Liberal Minded
Liberal Republican
Liberal Thinker
Liberal Thinktank
Liberal Tolerance
Liberal Values
Liberal, Kansas [Real City In Kansas]
Liberation Theology
Libertarian Organization
Liberty Is Always Dangerous, But It Is The Safest Thing We Have [Harry Emerson Fosdick]
Liberty Too Can Corrupt & Absolute Liberty Can Corrupt Absolutely [Gertrude Himmelfarb]
Libraries Have No Answers, Only Cross References & Cross Referencers
License To Kill - Not Break The Traffic Laws! [Q To 007]
License To Kill, Or Be Killed [Hector Gonzales To 007]
License To Kill To James Bond, Without Bond, & With Bond To M16 [Dr. No M17]
Licorice Is The Liver Of Candy [Michael O'Donoghue]
Lie Gets Halfway Around The World Before Truth Get Its Pants On [Winston Churchill]
Lie Is Like A Pregnancy, It Doesn't Take Long Before Everyone Knows [C. S. Lewis]
Lie Of Year Is 2010 Health Care Bill Is Government Takeover Of Health Insurance
Lie Told Often Enough Becomes The Truth [Vladimir Lenin]
Lie Told Often Enough, The Big Lie, Becomes The Truth
Lieball Eyes Told Me That He Stole My Money When He Said He Didnt [Karyn Bowman]
Lies Are OF Three Kinds: Lies, Damned Lies & Statistics
Lies, Damn Lies & Economic Data
Lieutenant Colonel
Lieutenant General
Lies Are Never Told When The Truth Will Do More Damage
Lies Fly Around The Whole World While The Truth Is Getting Its Boots On ['Twain-ish']
Life After Death
Life Begins At Ejaculation [Oklahoma Senate Bill 1433, Sen. Constance Johnson]
Life Begins At Ejaculation - Every Sperm is Sacred [Monty Python]
Life Begins At Forty
Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards, But Must Be Lived Forwards [Soren Kierkegaard]
Life Coach, A Lifetime Rail Pass
121

Life Coaching Guides Seekers To Identify & Achieve Their Personal Goals
Life Exists For No Known Purpose Except To Perpetuate Itself
Life Gives Us Time Only, Love Gives Us Meaning
Life Goes Faster On Protein [Martin H. Fischer]
Life Goes On Year After Deaths [Richardson News]
Life Insurance [Must Die To Collect]
Life Is A Choice
Life Is A Combination Of Magic & Pasta [Federico Fellini]
Life Is A Comedy For The Rich
Life Is A Dream For The Wise
Life Is A Game For The Fool
Life Is A Great Balancing Act [Dr. Seuss]
Life Is A Lesson, Youll Learn It When Youre Through
Life Is A Permanent Fight Between The Dicky-Bird & The Puss
Life Is A Sexually Transmitted Disease [R. D. Laing]
Life Is A Sexually Transmitted Disease With A 100% Mortality Rate
Life Is A Shipwreck But We Must Not Forget To Sing In The Lifeboats [Voltaire]
Life Is A Test & I Didn't Take Very Good Notes
Life Is A Tragedy For The Poor
Life Is A Whim Of Several Billion Cells To Be You For A While
Life Is An Auto Ride, Look At It Through The Windshield, Not The Rear-View Mirror
Life Is An Open Door Closeable At Any Time, So Be Careful Complaining About Draughts
Life Is As Tedious As A Twice-Told Tale Vexing The Dull Ear Of A Drowsy Man [Shakespeare]
Life Is Complex, Part Real, Part Imaginary
Life Is Drawing Sufficient Conclusions From Insufficient Premises [Samuel Butler]
Life Is Full Of Obstacle Illusions [Grant Frazier]
Life Is Full Of Uncertainties, Or I Could Be Wrong About That?
Life Is Hard, Its Harder If Youre Stupid [John Wayne]
Life Is Hard, You Say, But 'Compared To What?' [Sydney Harris]
Life Is Just A Dream On The Way To Death
Life Is Just A Bowl Of Cherries
Life Is Just A Bowl Of Cherries, To Be Savored & Enjoyed
Life Is Just A Bowl Of Cherries, If Youre So Lucky
Life Is Like A Play, It's Not Its Length But Its Performance That Counts
Life Is Like A Roll Of Toilet Paper, The Closer To The End The Faster It Goes
Life Is Like A Sewer, What You Get Out Of It Depends On What You Put Into It
Life Is Like A Shower, One Wrong Move & Your In Hot Water
Life Is Like An Ice Cream Cone Once You Think You Got It Licked It Leaks All Over You
Life Is Like An Onion: You Peel It Layer By Layer & At Times You Weep [Carl Sandburg]
Life Is Like An Onion, You Peel Off Layer After Layer Until There Is Nothing Left
Life Is Like Riding A Bicycle, You Don't Fall Off Unless You Stop Pedaling [Claude Pepper]
Life Is Never Boring, But Some People Choose To Be Bored - Boredom Is A Choice [Dyer]
Life Is Not A Laughing Matter, But Live Without Laughing Is Far Worse
Life Is Not A Matter Of Holding Good Cards, But Of Playing A Poor Hand Well
Life Is Not One Thing After Another, It's The Same Damn Thing Over & Over!
Life Is Pleasant, Death Is Peaceful - It's The Transition That's Troublesome [Isaac Asimov]
122

Life Is Process Of Figuring Out Things Which You Are Never Going To Do Again
Life Is Really Good, Both My Wife & My TV Set Work!
Life Is Sexually Transmitted
Life Is Short, Make Fun Of It
Life Is Simpler When You Plough Around The Stumps
Life Is Something You Do Until You Die
Life Is Tale Told By An Idiot, Full Of Sound & Fury, Signifying Nothing [Shakespeare]
Life Is Ten Percent What Happens To Us & 90% How We React To It [Dennis P. Kimbro]
Life Is The Only Game In Which The Object Of The Game Is To Learn The Rules
Life Is The Sum Of All Your Choices.
Life Is Too Important To Be Taken Seriously
Life Is Too Short To Balance A Checkbook [Howard Ogden]
Life Is Too Short To Stuff A Mushroom
Life Is Too Too Short To Peel Me A Grape, Except For Mae West When She Peeled
Life Is Tragedy For Those Who Feel, Comedy For Those Who Think [Jean De La Bruyre]
Life Is Trying
Life Is Trying & May Lead To Crying
Life Is Trying Things To See If They Work [Ray Bradbury]
Life Is Uncertain, Eat Dessert First [Ernestine Ulmer]
Life Is What Happens While You're Busy Making Other Plans [John Lennon]
Life Is What You Make It
Life Isnt About Finding Yourself, It's About Creating Yourself [George Bernard Shaw]
Life Isnt About What Happens To Us, But How We Perceive What Happens To Us
Life Isnt How Fast You Run, Or How High You Climb, But How Well You Bounce
Life Isn't Waiting For The Storm To Pass, It's Learning To Dance In The Rain
Life Isn't Weird, It's The People In It Who Are!
Life May Not Be The Party We Hoped For, But While We Are Here We Might As Well Dance
Life Not Only Begins At Forty, It Begins To Show
Life Of Natural Foods Leads To Death By Natural Causes
Life Of PI, Circumambulating Circinately Lifes Diametral
Life Of PI, Grabbing A Tiger By The Whiskers [2012]
Life Sentence
Life Spent Making Mistakes More Useful Than Life Spent Doing Nothing [George B. Shaw]
Life Sucks, But Death Swallows!
Life Takes Its Toll, Have Exact Change Ready !
Life Will Always Be Unexpecting
Life Without Bears, Bearing Or Baring Would Be Unbearable
Lifeboat, Smoking Voids Warranty!
Lifeguard Shouted At Me To Stop Peeing So Loudly, I Nearly Fell In
Lifeless Relationship
Lifelike Corpse
Lifelike Statue
Lifes A Bitch, & Then Youre Reincarnated [Depending On Option Chosen]
Lifes A Bleach & Then You Dye
Lifes A Bowl Of Soup With Hairs Floating On It, You Have To Eat It Nevertheless [Flaubert]
Life's A Game, All You Have To Do Is Know How To Play It
123

Life's Best Use 'Is To Invest It In Something Which Will Out Last Life' [William James]
Lifes Dilemma Is Which Bridge To Cross And Which To Burn
Lifes Greatest Pleasures Are Often Lifes Simplest Ones
Lifes Hardest Thing In Is To Do Nothing
Lifes Hardest Thing In Is To Do Nothing, As You Never Know When Youre Finished
Life's Joy Is Stopping Whatever We're Doing & Devoting Our Attention To Eating [Pavarotti]
Lifes Like A Buffet, Take Little Nibbles Until You Find The Truffles
Life's Like A River & You're Responsible If You Change It's Course [Harlan Coben]
Life's Like An Onion, You Peel Off Layer By Layer & Then There's Nothing [J. G. Huneker]
Life's Like An Onion, You Peel Off One Layer At A Time & At Times Weep [Carl Sandburg]
Lifes Like Box Of Chocolates, Never Know What You're Gonna Get [Forrest Gump Movie]
Life's Not All Beer & Skittles
Life's Not A Paragraph & Death I Think Is No Parenthesis [E.E. Cummings]
Lifes Not Number Of Breaths Taken, But The Moments That Take Our Breath Away [Carlin]
Lifes Race Is Run Until You Reach Your Destiny
Lifes Too Short Not To Kiss Slowly, Love Deeply & Forgive Quickly
Lifetime Guarantee
Lifetime Guaranteed Disposable Products
Lifetime Isn't Nearly Long Enough To Figure Out What It's All About
LIFO - Last In First Out
Light Armor
Light At End Of Tunnel Has Been Switched Off For Budgetary Reasons
Light At End Of Tunnel Is The Headlight Of An Approaching Train
Light At End Of Tunnel Is Not An Illusion, The Tunnel Is!
Light At End Of Tunnel Miraculously Appeared As All Looked Hopeless
Light At End Of Tunnel Miraculously Appeared As The Gateway To Another World
Light At End Of Tunnel: The Optimist Sees The Light At The End Of The Tunnel [S. J. Harris]
Light At End Of Tunnel: The Pessimist Sees Only The Tunnel [Sydney J. Harris]
Light At End Of Tunnel: The Realist Sees The Tunnel & The Light - & The Next Tunnel [SJH]
Light At End Of Tunnel Was Just My Boss With More Work - & A Torch
Light Beer
Light Bulb [Bush II For NEPDG Executive Director Andrew D. Lundquist]
Light-Bulb Lyndon [Lyndon Johnson]
Light Burden
Light Dark Beer
Light Gray Lie
Light Grey Lie
Light Heavyweight
Light Is Faster Than Sound, Thus Some People Appear Bright Until You Speak To Them
Light Opera
Light Rock
Light Shade
Light Shadow
Light Skinned Black
Light Speed
Light Travels Fastest Except For Darkness, Which Got There First & Is Waiting [Reaper Man]
124

Light Travels Faster Than Sound, That's Why Some Seem Bright Until You Hear Them Speak
Light Weight
Light Year
Light Year, A Year With One-Third Less Calories Than An Ordinary Year
Light Year, The Time It Takes A Lit Loon To Travel From Here To GaGa Land
Lightening Can Be Uplifting
Lightening Lightened Mood Of Expectant Mom
Lightening Precursor of Lightening Of Expectant Mom
Lighthouses Are More Helpful Than Churches [Benjamin Franklin]
Lightning Can Be Uplifting
Lightning Lightened Mood Of Expectant Mom
Lightning Never Strikes Twice In The Same Place
Lightning Never Strikes Twice In The Same Place Sans Lightning Rod
Lights Are On But Nobody's Is Home
Lightweight
Lightweight Lightened Through Diet
Likable Politician
Like Attracts Like
Like Attracts Like - She Likes Me, That Attracts Me
Like Father, Like Son
Like Musasa, like Munhondo [Shona Proverb]
Like Puppets We Are Moved By Outside Strings [Horace]
Like Puppies We Are Moved By Wiggly Strings
Like Tea Bags We Don't Know Our Own Strength Until We're In Hot Water
Like Tea Party Tea Baggers We Don't Know What Tea Baggers Really Do
Like Tea Party Tea Baggers Who Dont Their Prejudices Outweigh Their Common Sense
Like Totally Yeah For Sure No Way
Like You I Got Too Big For My Britches, So I Bought Bigger Britches
Liking 'Fast Women & Slow Ponies' Spells Financial Doom [Sherlock Holmes 2009]
Lil Boys Love You Cuz They Need Ya, Men Need You Cuz They Love Ya
Lime Trees Immune From Lime Disease
Limeys &Limes Exonerated In The Spread Of Lime Disease
Limey, Brit Or More Specifically Lime-Sucking British Sailor
Limited Consequences
Limited Edition Print
Limited Empowerment
Limited Freedom
Limited Guarantee
Limited Immunity
Limited Incursion
Limited Liability
Limited Lifetime Guarantee
Limited Lifetime Warranty
Limited Nuclear War
Limited Resources
Limited War
125

Limited Warranty
Limitless Liability
Limitless Limits
Limousine Bus
Limp Limb
Limp On A Limb
Limping Dog Bit The SOB Who Shot His Paw
Limping Hillbilly Dawg Was 'Lookin' Fer The Man Who Shot My Paw
Lincoln Least Guilty President, He's 'In A Cent'
Linda Lovelace [XXX]
Linda Loveless [Cosmetics]
Line Between Hobby & Mental Illness Is Very Fine
Linear Curve
Lingua Franca Is English, Much To The Chagrin Of The French
Lint From A Cheap Towel
Lion & Calf Shall Lie Down Together But Calf Won't Get Much Sleep [Woody Allen]
Lion Ate Kindler Not Typist Knowing Readers Digest, Writers Cramp & Typists Outdated
Loins Loins While Loping Or Lying In Lair Lay Between Hipbone & Ribs & I Aint Lying!
Lion-Hearted Scaredy-Cat
Lion Monkey
Lip Lollipop
Lipophobia - Dieters, Abetalipoproteinemics & Others Fear Of Fatty Foods & Fat In Food
Lips, However Rosy, Must Be Fed With More Than Kisses [Scottish Proverb]
Lips On Mine [Trace Adkins]
Lips On Willie, Its Sex! [Bill Clinton]
Lipson, Barry J Oxys Friend
Lipstick Queen
Liquid Air
Liquid Breakfast
Liquid Crystal
Liquid Gas
Liquid Metal
Liquid Natural Gas
Liquid Paper
Liquid Rock
Liquid Smoke
Liquid Trucking - Shipping By Pipe Line
Liquid Trucking - Shipping Liquids
Liquid Trucking - Smooth Shipping
Liquor In The Front - Poker Round The Back [Pub Sign]
Lirty Dies & Scicious Vandals [The Capitol Steps]
Listen If You Want To Be Heard [John Wooden]
Listen: Theres A Hell Of A Good Universe Next Door - Lets Go! [E.E. Cummings]
Listen To Many, Speak To A Few [Shakespeare]
Listen To Your Nana Or I'll Cut Your Head Off & Replace It With A Cabbage
Listen Youths To Old Man To Whom Old Men Were Glad To Listen When He Was Young
126

Listerine Zero
Lite Beer
Literal Error
Literal Fashion Model With Moles, Scars & Pores
Literal Interpretation
Literal Solitude
Literal Translation
Literal Truth
Literally Bursts Onto The Screen [Disneys Secretariat Adv]
Literally Pinned To TV
Literally Translated
Literary Hack
Literary Illiterates
Literary Intelligentsia
Literary Pirate
Literati
Little Beasts
Little Big
Little Big Horn
Little Big League
Little Big Man [Thomas Berger]
Little Bigger
Little Bit Big
Little Bit Of Powder, Little Bit Of Paint, Makes Girls Complexion Seem What It Aint
Little Boy [A-Bomb Name]
Little Brain Checks In, Big Brain Checks Out [Bones]
Little Caution Outflanks A Large Cavalry [Bismarck]
Little Corporal [Napoleon Bonaparte]
Little Deceptive
Little Giant [Stephen Douglas]
Little Hooker, Floating Around Docks, Charged With Underage Street Walking
Little Hooker, Floating Around Docks, Is Name Of Small Fishing Boat In McKees Rocks, PA
Little House On The Prairie
Little Ignorance Can Go A Long Way
Little Inaccuracy Can Saves A Ton Of Explanation
Little Jemmy [5' 4" James Madison]
Little Magician [5'6" Martin Van Buren]
Little Man In The Boat
Little Man In The Boat Did Quiver, Do--Do--Do It By Rote - EMOTE!
Little Mermaid Wears Her AlgeBra On Her Chest
Little Monster
Little More
Little Mosque On The Prairie
Little Murders [Jules Feiffer]
Little Pitchers Have Big Ears
Little Pregnant
127

Little Red Robin Hood Slipped Her Grandma's Jewels Under Her Red Hoodie
Little Strokes Fell Great Oaks
Little Things Please Little Minds
Live & Let Live
Live By Love Though The Stars Walk Backward [E.E. Cummings]
Live For Today For Tomorrow Never Comes
Live Life To The Fullest
Live Life Without Regrets
Live On Tape
Live One Day At A Time & Make It A Masterpiece [Dale West]
Live Pigs Are Slaughtered & Dead Ones Cured
Live Recording
Live Simply So Other May Simply Live [Mother Teresa]
Live Television
Live The Same As I Type, Fast &With Lots Of Mistakes
Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often
Live With Passion [Anthony Robbins]
Live Within Your Income, Even If You Have To Borrow To Do So
Live Your Dreams [Les Brown]
Live Your Life Filled With Joy & Wonder [REM]
Live Your Own Life For You Will Surely Die Your Own Death
Liver-Worst? Pat On Your Pate!
Living A Long Life Appeals To Everyone, But Getting Old Doesn't Appeal To Anyone
Living Apart Together
Living Corpse
Living Dead
Living-Dead Man [Shakespeare]
Living Death [John Milton]
Living Doll
Living End
Living Fossil
Living In The Past
Living Martyr
Living On Earth Is Expensive, But It Does Include Free Trips Around The Sun
Living Saint
Living Without Liver Is Not Possible
Living Without Living Quarters Is Possible
Living Without Living Quarters Is Possible Even Without Tent
Living Without Living Quarters Is Possible For The Transient
Litvish Niggun
Live & Let Die
Live As If You Were To Die Tomorrow, Learn As If You Were To Live Forever [Gandhi]
Live Ghost
Live Or Die
Live Recording
Live So As Not To Be Ashamed To Sell Your Parrot To The Town Gossip [Will Rogers]
128

Live Television
Live Your Life So That When You Die, The Preacher Won't Have To Lie
Live Within Your Income, Even If You Have To Borrow To Do So
Lively Devil Is Better Than A Frigid Angel
Liverwort Flora, Lovable Hepatica Americana, tough, dependable, low-maintenance beauty
Liverwort Is Cholesterol Free, Liverwurst Is Cholesterol Full
Liverwurst & Buttermilk Shouldnt Be Mixed With Fairy Tales Or Liverwurts [White Xmas]
Liverwurst Is A Worst Wurst Than Braunschweiger, Is It Not?
Liverwurst Is Cholesterol Full, Liverwort Is Cholesterol Free, Liverwurts Love Cholesterol
Liverwurts Lap Up Liverwurst In The Liverwort Fields Of Liverwurt Fables Marimoor
Living Corpse
Living Dead
Living Death
Living End
Living Fossil
Living On Earth Is Expensive, But Includes Free Annual Trip Around The Sun
Living Will
Living With Crazy Buttocks [Kaz Cooke, An Aussie From Down Under]
Load Of Istanbul
Local Area Network In Australia Known As The LAN Down Under
Local Celebrity
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half [Headline Ouch?]
Local Long Distance
Local Network
Local Swimming Pool, I Asked? Reply, It Depends Where Youre Calling From
Lock Is Good Only For An Honest Man
Locked?, He Asked The Lockpick. 'Not Effectively!'
Locked Out Boarder Broke Into Song To Find The Key
Locker Law: If There're Only Two People In A Locker Room, They'll Have Adjacent Lockers
Locksport, The Sport Of Lock Picking
Lord Give Me Chastity - But Not Yet [Saint Augustine]
Loftiest Towers Rise From The Ground
Log Cabin Conservatives - An Oxymoron [Martin Cothran]
Logic Is A Systematic Method Of Coming To The Wrong Conclusion With Confidence
Logic Is An Organized Way Of Going Wrong With Confidence
Logic Is In The Eye Of The Logician
Logic Is Spock's Way Of Letting You Know How Sloppy Your Thinking Is
Logic Is The Art Of Going Wrong With Confidence
Logic, Like Whiskey, Loses Its Glow In Too Large Quantities [Lord Dunsany]
Logic Will Get You From A To Z, Imagination Will Get You Everywhere [Albert Einstein]
Logical Argument Law: Anything Is Possible If You Don't Know What You Are Talking About
Logically Men, Not Women, Should Ride Horses Sidesaddle
Loins Of Loins Lay Between Hipbone & Ribs, As With Humans & All Hippy Quadrupeds
Loins Of Nordic Hipless Cod Are Lies, Codded Name For Middle Cuts Of Filleted Cod Sides
LoJack, A Stolen Vehicle Recovery System, Coined As The Antithesis Of Hijack
London Transport
129

London Underground Is Not A Political Movement [A Fish Called Wanda, 1988]


Lone Star
Lone Together
Lonely At The Top, But You Eat, Drink & Make Merry Better
Lonely Groupie
Lonely Hearts Club
Lonely Prospector Got A Kick Out Of His Donkey & His Monkey
Loners Club
Lonesome
Long & Short Of It
Long Brief
Long Briefing
Long Day's Night
Long Hair & Short Wit
Long Island Expressway
Long Island Has The Best Politicians Money Can Buy
Long Legal Brief
Long Life May Not Be Good Enough, But A Good Life Is Long Enough [Franklin]
Long Live Longnecks [Lone Star Beer]
Long Lost Loved One Will Re-Appear Shortly - Buy Negatives At Any Price!
Long Nap
Long Pig
Long Recess
Long Short Story
Long Shorts
Long Sleeve T-Shirt
Long Walk, Short Pier
Long Weights
Long Winded
Longer The Explanation, The Bigger The Lie [Chinese Proverb]
Longer The Title, The Less Important The Job
Longer The Title, The Less Important The Job In Reality
Longer The Title, The More Important The Job In Subjectivity
Longer We Dwell On Our Misfortunes, The Greater Is Their Power To Harm Us [Voltaire]
Longer You Wait In Line, Greater The Likelihood That You're In The Wrong Line
Longest Journey Starts With A Single Step
Longest Sentence Known To Man: 'I Do'
Look After Mr. Bond, See That Some Harm Comes To Him [Hugo Drax To 007]
Look After The Molehills & The Mountains Will Look After Themselves
Look At That Cow, It's Pretty Ugly
Look At The Mother Before You Take A Daughter
Look Back Into The Future
Look Before You Leap
Look Behind The Curtain [Oz]
Look Behind The Curtain, But Dont Fall Out The Window
Look Behind You
130

Look Behind You, But Dont Trip While You Do!


Look Behind You, But Not At Her Behind!
Look, Beryl! I've Found The Most Splendid Tchochke For Our Chanukah Bush [Haiku]
Look For Helping Hand On End Of Own Arm
Look For Humor In Every Part Of Life [Paul J. Meyer]
Look In My Eyes & Deny It. No Human Could Love You As Much As I Do [Dog Haiku]
Look Not Thou!
Look Not Thou Down But UP!
Look Not Thou In But Out!
Look Not Thou Left But Right!
Look Not Thou Out But In!
Look Not Thou Right But Left!
Look Not Thou Up But Down!
Look Out For #1, But Don't Step In #2 While Doing It
Look Over Your Shoulder
Look Over Your Shoulder, But Dont Look Underhanded While Doing So
Look Over Your Shoulder Now & Then To Be Sure Someone Is Following You
Look Over Your Shoulder To See The Past Look Ahead To See The Future
Look, There's No Metaphysics On Earth Like Chocolates [Fernando Pessoa]
Look To The Future, That's Where Youll Spend The Rest Of Your Life [George Burns]
Look Your Best--Who Said Love Is Blind? [Mae West]
Lookers Sightseers Or Hot Chicks?
Looking Back At Looking Forward [1904 World's Fair]
Looking Back At The Future [Movie]
Looks Can Be Deceiving, It's Eating That's Believing [James Thurber]
Looks Like Real Trouble, Bullwinkle! Good, I Hate That Make-Believe Kind
Loophole
Loophole Big Enough To Drive A Law Through
Loopholes Incorporated Into Anti-Loophole Legislation Looked Into
Loose Bits Sink Chips
Loose Fit
Loose Knit
Loose Knot
Loose Lips Sink Ships
Loose Ships Sink Lips
Loose Tights
Loosely Packed
Loosey Goosey
Lopsided Majority
Loquacious Librarian
Lord Give Me Patience.. Right Bloody Now!
Lord, If I Can't Be Skinny, How Can I Shimmy?
Lord, If I Can't Be Skinny, Let All My Friends Be Fatter than me
Lord Is A Shoving Leopard [Loving Shepherd]
Lord Of Darkness Rules Over Fiery Pit
Lord Prefers Common-Looking People, That Is Why He Made So Many Of Them [Lincoln]
131

*God Must Have Loved The Common People That Is Why He Made So Many Of Them [X]
*Lord Not God, Prefers Not Loved & Looking Added, But Made So Many OK
Lord Save Me From Your Followers
Lords Prayer: "On Earth As It Is In Heaven" Means, Some Say, You Won't See A Difference
Lords Prayer: Some Say You Wont See A Difference, If Any, From Where Youre Going
Lords Prayer: Some Say Why Worry, The Difference Is, Of Course, Heavenly
Lordy, Lordy, Lordy! [Jack Tripper - Three's Company]
Lorelei & Banshee Duo Harmonize
Los Angeles Dodgers Reality: Brooklyn Ruled!
Los Angeles Turncoats!
Los Angeles Turncoats File Bankruptcy!
Losers See Penalties Of Failure, Winners See Rewards Of Success
Losers Weepers Finders Keepers
Losing My Virginity Was A Career Move [Madonna]
Loss Leader
Loss Prevention Specialist
Losing Weight Is Really Easy, Ive Done It Dozens Of Times
Lost & Found
Lost Empire
Lost In Space
Lost In Space Between High-Rise & Low-Bush Blueberry
Lost In Thought
Lost In Thought Suggests It's Unfamiliar Territory
Lost In Translation
Lost Island
Lost Keepsake
Lost Portrait Of Czar Shown [AP]
Lost Time Is Never Found Again
Lost Years Are Worse Than Lost Dollars
Lot Of People Mistake A Short Memory With A Clear Conscience [Doug Larson]
Lots Of Men Are Homeless, But Some Are Home Less Than Others
Lotteries Are A Tax On Ignorance [Adam Smith]
Lottery, A Tax On People Who Are Bad At Math
Lottery, A Tax On People Who Are Wrong Brained
Loud Librarian
Loud Silence [Wilson Tucker]
Loud Whine
Loud Whisper
Lounge Lizard
Louis Pasteur's Theory Of Germs Is Ridiculous Fiction [Prof Pierre Pachet 1872]
Louse Is A Lousy Bloodsucking Person Or Insect, But Louses Are People & Lice Insects
Louse Noted It's One Louse, Two Lice
Lovable Loser
Lovable Monster
Love A Warm Pig Belly For My Aching Feet [Alice-Red Queen]
Love Affair
132

Love Affair He Tried To Love Me but I Didnt Care


Love All, Trust A Few
Love & Best Dishes [Paula Dean]
Love & Best Dishes With Saucy Racial Slurs Sauce [Paula Dean]
Love & Eggs Are Best When They Are Fresh [Russian Proverb]
Love & Lust Don't Always Keep The Same Company [Stephanie Meyer]
Love & Luxuries: All The Good Ones Are Taken
Love & Scandal Are The Best Sweeteners Of Tea [Henry Fielding]
Love & The Hunger For It; & Warmth & The Love Of It & Hunger For It [M. F. K. Fisher]
Love Apple
Love At First Sight Is Absurd, I Can't Help Blinking Before Bonking
Love Begins With A Smile, Grows With A Kiss & Ends With A Tear
Love Being Blind, Why Is Lingerie So Popular?
Love Blooms In Light So Dim He Would Not Have Chosen A Suit By It' [Maurice Chevalier]
Love Boat
Love Can Be A Touchy Subject, You Hope
Love Comes In Spurts, Repeat Spurts, Repeat Spurts
Love Conquers All, Amor Vincit Omnia
Love Conquers All Except Poverty & Toothaches [Mae West]
Love Crime
Love Cures People, Both The Ones Who Give It & The Ones Who Receive It [Dr. Menninger]
Love Doesn't Make The World Go 'Round, But It Does Make The Ride Worthwhile
Love Goes Toward Love [William Shakespeare]
Love Hate Relationship
Love Is A Fire Flaring In The Bosom & Swiftly Spreading Southward
Love Is A Fire, Which Can Warm Your Heart Or Burn Down Your Home
Love Is A Flower, Friendship A Sheltering Tree
Love Is A Friendship Set To Music
Love Is A Matter Of Chemistry, Sex Is A Matter Of Physics
Love Is A Mutual Self-Giving Which Ends In Self-Recovery [Fulton J. Sheen]
Love Is A Serious Mental Disease [Plato]
Love Is A Temporary Insanity Curable By Marriage [Ambrose Bierce]
Love Is An Obsessive Delusion That Is Cured By Marriage [Dr. Karl Bowman]
Love Is An Ocean Of Emotions Entirely Surrounded By Expenses [Lord Dewar]
Love Is Being Stupid Together [Paul Valery]
Love Is Blind
Love Is Blind, Lingerie Is Blinding!
Love Is Blind, Marriage Is The Eye-Opener [Pauline Thomason]
Love Is Blind, Marriage Is The Institution For The Blind [James Graham]
Love Is Blinding, Binding & Mesmerizing
Love Is Friendship Set On Fire
Love Is Giving Someone The Power To Destroy You, But Trusting Them Not To
Love Is Grand, Divorce Is A Hundred Grand
Love Is Ideal, Marriage Real, Confusion Of Real With Ideal Never Goes Unpunished [Goethe]
Love Is Like A Brick, You Can Build A House Or You Can Sink A Dead Body [Lady Gaga]
Love Is Like An Hourglass, The Heart Fills As The Brain Empties
133

Love Is Like Tears, It Is Born In The Eyes &Falls On The Breast


Love Is Merely A State Of Perceptual Anesthesia
Love Is Most Perfect In Its Perfect Imperfection [Gunnar Bjrnstrand]
Love Is Never Any Better Than The Lover [Toni Morrison]
*Wicked People Love Wickedly, Violent People Love Violently, Weak People Love Weakly
*Stupid People Love Stupidly, But The Love Of A Free Man Is Never Safe
Love Is Never Any Better Than The Lover, A Free Man Must Love Freely & Without Protection
Love Is Not Finding A Perfect Person, But Seeing An Imperfect One Perfectly As Perfect
Love Is That Delightful Interval Between Meeting A Beautiful Girl & Marrying Her
Love Is The Answer, But Sex Raises Some Pretty Good Questions [Woody Allen]
Love Is The Dawn Of Marriage & Marriage Is The Sunset Of Love [French Saying]
Love Is The Delusion That One Woman Differs From Another [H. L. Mencken]
Love Is The Incomprehensibly Beautiful Coupled With Teeth That Bite
Love Is The Triumph Of Imagination Over Intelligence [H. L. Mencken]
Love Is Thought To Be An Emotion, Love Is Good Sense [Ken Kesey]
Love Is When The Happiness Of Another Is Essential To Your Own [Robert Heinlein]
Love Is War Is A Metaphor, While Love Is Like War Is A Simile
Love Isnt Finding Someone Perfect, Its Loving Someone Imperfect Perfectly
Love Land, Korean Theme Park All About Sex & Porn On Cheju 'Honeymoon' Island
Love Life, Live Life
Love Like Youve Never Been Hurt
Love Lost Is A Hole In The Heart, Love Is A Hole Down South Of The Heart
Love Makes The World Go Round
Love May Be Blind But Marriage Is A Real Eye-Opener
Love Means Never Having To Hear I'm Pregnant [Sweathog Vinnie Barbarino]
Love Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry [Love Story, 1970]
Love Of Money Is The Root Of All Evil [1 Timothy 6:10]
Love Sought Is Good, But Given Unsought Is Better [William Shakespeare]
Love Starts With A Smile, Grows With A Kiss, & Ends With A Tear
Love That I Hate You
Love The Enemy
Love The Life You Live, Live The Life You Love [Bob Marley]
Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself
Love Thy Neighbor, But Be Sure Her Husband Is Away
Love Thy Neighbor, But Don't Get Caught
Love Thy Neighbor Like Thyself
Love Thy Neighbor Like Thyself Rub Her Often
Love To Hate
Love Truth, And Pardon Error [Voltaire]
Love Your Enemies In Case Friends Turn Out To Be A Bunch Of Bastards [R. A. Dickson]
Love Your Enemies, It Makes Them So Damned Mad
Love Your Neighbor Like Yourself
Love Your Neighbor Like Yourself, But Only Play When The Spouse Is Away
Love Your Neighbor Like Yourself, Use Your Favorite Hand
Love Your Neighbor, Yet Don't Pull Down Your Hedge [Benjamin Franklin]
Love What You Do & Do What You Love [Ray Bradbury]
134

Love Will Find A Way


Loved Same Woman For 40 Years, If My Wife Finds Out She'll Kill Me [Henny Youngman]
Lovely Mess
Lovely Minx
Lovely Pair Of Minces [Minces & Mince Pies Refer To The Eyes - Karyn Bowman]
Lover Who Told Him He Was Average Was Just Being Mean
Lovers' Quarrel
Love's Confusing? You Tell Her She's Beautiful & Then Turn Out The Lights! [Robert Orben]
Love's Confusing? You Tell Her She's Breathtaking & Then Breath Heavily!
Loves Labor Lost
Loves Labor Lost Or Spilled Seed
Love's Not Dying Moan Of Violin, But 'Triumphant Twang Of A Bedspring' [S. J. Perlman]
Lovesick
Loving Christians
Loving Hatred
Lovejuice [British Juice Bar]
Low Altitude
Low Bridge
Low Bridge Everybody Duck
Low Class
Low Cut & Low Hung
Low Down Good-For-Nothing [Niderrechtiker Kerl
Low End
Low Fat
Low Fat Butter Sauce [Green Giant]
Low-Fat Ice Cream
Low-Fat Margarine
Low Grade Pain
Low Hanging Fruit
Low Hanging Fruit, A Well Hung Gay Guy
Low Hanging Fruit, An Easily Harvested Reward
Low Insurance Rates
Low-Intensity Conflict
Low Life In High Heels [Holly Woodlawn]
Low-Mileage Pit Woofie
Low-Paid Politician
Low-Power Server
Low Priority
Low-Rise
Low-Speed Chase
Low Tax
Low Voter Turnout Is An Indication Of Fewer People Going To The Polls [MAD Magazine]
Lower Inflation
Loyal Deceit
Loyal Opposition
Loyal To A Fault [Ziva]
135

Loyal To A Fault, Better To Be Loyal To A Good!


Loyalty Oath
Lu Zaw Broke Law By Telling Jokes, Burma Shaved 5 Years At Hard Labor Off His Life
Luck Always Seems To Go Against Those Who Depend On It
Luck Is A Dividend Of Sweat, The More You Sweat The Luckier You Get [Ray A. Kroc]
Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity
Lucky Rabbits Foot Comes From Unlucky Rabbit
Lucy Takes A Single Plain Donut From The Bag & Holds It For Me To Take A Bite [R. Crais]
Lucy Tender & Light & Still Warm From The Frying, The Donut Also! [Apologies, R. Crais]
Luftmensch, Yiddish For An Airhead, An Impractical Dreamer With No Business Sense
Luke-Warm Enthusiasm
Lulu's Tody-Tyrants [Flycatchers]*
Lukewarm Enthusiasm
Lukewarmness, A Lack Of Passion, Force Or Animation
Lukewarmness, A Trait Not Exhibited By Cool Hand Luke
Lukewarmness, A Warmness Resembling The Temperature Of The Skin
Lumberjack Who Couldn't Hack It Was Given The Axe, He Was Cut To The Quick!
Lump Lingered Last In Line ... Limp & Lonely ... Life Limped Along [POTUSOA - 'Lump']
Lunar Schooner [Star Trek]
Lunch Kills Half Of Paris, Supper The Other Half [Charles De Montesquieu]
Luncheon, As Much Food As One's Hand Can Hold [Samuel Johnson]
Luncheon, As Much Food As One's Hand Can Hold, To Wit, A Hot Pocket!
Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms [Headline]
Lupercalia Festival Evolved From Februa Spring Cleansing Ritual Into Valentine's Day [?]
Lupercalia Festival Honors Lupa, She-Wolf Who Suckled Rome's Founders Romulus & Remus
Lusciously Liquored Up
Luthers Yin-Yang -- Simul Iustus Et Peccator [Simultaneously Saint & Sinner]
Luxury Apartment
Luxury Beer
Luxury Bus
Luxury Compact
Luxury Pontoon Boat
Luxury Port-A-Potty
Luxury SUV
Luxury Tax
Lying Like A Rug
Lying Lying Was Reclining While Prevaricating
Lysdexia: A Peech Imspediment We Live To Learn With...
Lysistrata Had A Good Idea [Withholding Sex To End War Greek Play Circa 411 BC]

M
M-M-Max Headroom Heeeeeere [Max Headroom]
Macadamia Nuts Are Not Native To Hawaii, But Are Australian Expatriates
Macaroon Technique
Macro Microorganism
McDonalds Topped The Quarter Pounder [With Cheddar, Smoked Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato]
136

McDonalds Topped The Quarter Pounder [With Our New Half-Pounder]


Macher, Yiddish For An Important Person, A Big Shot [Yiddish Maker]
Macro-Microorganism
MacGuyver, Here's A Rubber Band, Twistie & Baggie - Save My F*cking Ass, She's In Heat!
Machatunim, Yiddish For In The Family, Used To Welcome & Include The In-Laws
Machatunim, Yiddish To Make In-Laws Not Feel Like 'Out-Laws' To Them & Their In-Laws
Machines Should Work, People Should Think
Machines Work. People Think, Cats Sleep
Macho Does Not Prove Mucho [Zsa Zsa Gabor]
Macho Laws Prohibit Me From Admitting Im Wrong Or Asking Directions
Macho Sluts [Pat Califia]
Mad Hatter Mercurially Poisoned
Mad Hatter: Yes, Yes - But You Would Have To Be Half-Mad To Dream Me Up [Alice]
Mad Hatters Mercurial Tea Party
Mad Monk [Richard Nixon]
Mad Mothers Against Drunk Drivers [MMADD]
Mad Rowers In Rear Row Must Decide To Row Or Row
Mad Tom [Thomas Jefferson]
Madam As Entrepreneur: Career Management In House Prostitution [Barbara Sherman Heyl]
Madam Mankiller
Madam, There's No Such Thing As A Tough Child - If You Parboil Him First...[WC Fields]
Made From 100% Biodegradable Recycled & Recyclable Words
Made In China On Just About Everything Except The China We Eat On
Made It, Ma! Top Of The World! [White Heat, 1949]
Madness Isn't All That Bad As Long As There's Method In It
Madness Takes Its Toll, Please Have Exact Change
Madness Takes Its Toll, Two Cents For Your Thoughts Payable In Advance
Mafia Cop
Magic In The Stick Is What Matters, Not In The Length Of The Wand
Magic Marker
Magic Mirror On The Wall Who Is The Fairest One Of All?
Magic Realism
Magical Technique Finally Perfected His Hands Never Left Her Body!
Magical Things You Can Do ... Will Make You The Winning-est Winner Of All [Dr. Seuss]
Magician Got So Mad He Pulled His Hare Out
Magilla Gorilla, An Unsellable Toon Pet Who Bemoans Such A Megillah Over A Gorilla
Magnificent Desolation [Astronaut Buzz Aldrin]
Magnificent Failure
Magnificently Ugly - Deliciously Hideous
Magoo His Way To Success
Magoo'd My Way Through That Fight, I Didn't Even Know He Hit The Ground For A Minute
Mail Delivery
Mail Early So Post Office Can Lose Package In Time For Christmas [Johnny Carson]
Main Thing Is To Keep The Main Thing The Main Thing
Maine's Best Lobster Restaurant, Fort Myers, Florida No Clawless Crawfish-Like Wannabees
Mainstream Media
137

Mainstream Progressives
Maizie, Maize, Give Me Your Answer True, I'm Half Crazy Over The Love Of Corny You!
Maizy Corn Bread - Made From Scratch!
Maizy Corn Bread - Made From Scratch, REAL Scratch!
Maizy Is A Commune In The Aisne Department In Picardy In Northern France, Corny But True!
Maizy Is Scotch Pet Form Of Margaret, Yet Scotch Is Malted Barley, Not Corn Whiskey
Maizy Is She Then Corny? No She's A Pearl [Greek Margarts From Maragon - Pearl]!
Major Cause Of Auto Wrecks Is A Screw Loose In The Nut Behind The Wheel
Major Dependants
Major General
Major Minions
Major Minority
Major Minority Group
Major Trivia
Majority Of The Majority, The Houses Version Of Filibustering
Make A Firm Decision Now, You Can Always Change It Later
Make Antifreeze, Steal Her Blanket
Make Crime Pay, Become A Lawyer [Will Rogers]
Make Everything As Simple As Possible, But Not Simpler [Albert Einstein]
Make Failure Your Teacher, Not Your Undertaker
Make Happy
Make Haste Slowly [Augustus Caesar]
Make Hay While The Sun Shines
Make Her In The Hay While The Sun Shines
Make Her Roll In The Hay While The Sun Shines
Make Irishman Climb The Roof, Tell Him That The Drinks Are On The House
Make It Idiot Proof & Someone Will Make A Better Idiot
Make It So! [Jean-Luc Picard On - Star Trek: TNG]
Make Love Not War
Make Love, Not War - Hell, Do Both, GET MARRIED! [Last Chance Saloon Ladys Room]
Make Merry
Make Merry, As Often As You Can
Make My Day
Make No Bones About It
Make No Judgments Where You Have No Compassion [Anne McCaffrey]
Make No Little Plans, They Have No Magic To Stir Men's Blood [D. B. Hudson]
Make Out Like A Bandit
Make Somebody Happy Today - Mind Your Own Business
Make Three Correct Guesses In A Row & Youre An Established Expert! Cograts!
Make Up The Rules As You Go Along
Make-Up To Make Love In [Mary Quant]
Make-Up To Make Out & Make Love In! How Quaint, Mary!
Make Waves
Make Whoopee
Make Whoopi Goldberg?
Make Your Blood Boil
138

Make Your Flesh Crawl


Make Your Hair Stand On End
Make Your Money With A Pretty Face [REM]
Make Your Money With Exploitation [REM]
Make Your Money ... Easy With Product Placement [REM]
Make Your Toes Curl
Make Yourself At Home - Clean My Kitchen!
Make Yourself Scarce
Making A 'Living' Is Not The Same Thing As Making A 'Life' [May Angelou]
Making A Bad Decision Is Better Than Making No Decision At All
Making Love To His Tonic & Gin
Making Peaceful Revolution Impossible, Makes Violent Revolution Inevitable [JFK]
Making Pottery Is Just Kil'n Time
Making Way Out Of Norway
Making Way Out Of Noway
Malaysian Democracy
Male Companion
Male Compassion
Male Genitalia Of Butterflies Of The Balkan Peninsula [John Ezard, You Butterer Upper You!]
Male Gynecologist Is Like Auto Mechanic Who Never Owned A Car
Male Infertility Can Be Passed On To Children [Reuters]
Male Intellect [Robert Dubac]
Male Lady Bug
Male Madame [Pimp]
Male Praying Mantis May Physically Lose His Head Copulating, Male Human Figuratively
Male Prostitute
Male Sensitivity
Male Stewardess
Maleficent Malarkey
Malfeasance
MALICE In Wonderland: Alice + Mayhem [2009]
Malice May Just Be A Misguided Sense Of Humor
Malice Of A Good Thing Is The Barb That Makes It Stick [School For Scandal]
Malicious Mischief
Mallzheimer's Disease Is Forgetting Where You Parked Your Car At The Mall
Malnutrition Nutritionist
Malpractice Makes Malperfect
Malt Shop Speakeasy
Mama Mia!
Mamatzah Balls
Mamma Grizzly
Mamma Mia
Mamma Mia Never Saw The Irony In Calling Me A Son-Of-A-Bitch
Mamma Palin
Mamma Teddy Bear
Mamma Yogi Bear
139

Mammoth Erection [Ontario, Canada Scaffolding Company]


Mamzer, Not A Mammas Boy, But Yiddish For The Issue Of Adultery Or Incest
Man Cannot Be Too Careful In The Choice Of His Enemies [Oscar Wilde]
Man Cannot Live By Bread Alone, He Also Needs Duct Tape & WD-40
Man Careful With His Palate Isnt Likely To Be Careless With His Paragraphs [Cliff Fadiman]
Man Cave, Manspace Or Mantuary, A Man's Sanctum Sanctorum - No Girl's Allowed
Man Child
Man Dating Dynamite Lady Gets Big Bang Out Of Her
Man Does Not Live By Bread Alone
Man Does Not Live By Bread Alone, A Little Butter Smoothes Its Way Down
Man Does Not Live By Bread Alone, Even Pre-Sliced Bread [D.W. Brogan]
Man Does Not Live By Bread Alone, Penicillin Excepted!
Man Doesn't Live By Words Alone, Though Sometimes He Has To Eat Them [A. Stevenson II]
Man Friday
Man Has Made His Bedlam, Let Him Lie In It [Fred Allen]
Man Has More Chest Hair, But On The Whole Woman Have More
Man Hit By Car Got That Run Down Feeling
Man I Love High School Girls, I Get Older They Stay The Same [Dazed & Confused,1993]
Man In Cat House By Day, Is In Doghouse By Night
Man In Diaper Directs Traffic [Headline]
Man In Love Is Incomplete Until Married, Then He Is Finished [Zsa Zsa Gabor]
Man In Love With A Dimple Makes Mistake Of Marrying The Whole Girl [Stephen Leacock]
Man In The Street
Man Invented Language To Satisfy His Deep Need To Complain [Lily Tomlin]
Man Is A Reasoning Rather Than A Reasonable Animal [Alexander Hamilton]
Man Is A Social Animal Who Dislikes His Fellow Beings
Man Is Born Free & Is Everywhere In Chains [Rousseau]
Man Is Born To Eat [Craig Claiborne]
Man Is Greatest Miracle & Greatest Problem On This Earth [General David Sarnof]
Man Is Literally What He Thinks
Man Is Not Complete Until He Is Married - Then He's Finished
Man Is Not Disturbed By Events, But By View He Takes Of Them [Epictetus]
Man Is Only As Faithful As His Opinions
Man Is Only As Old As The Woman He Feels [Groucho Marx]
Man Is Only Computer That Can Be Mass Produced With Unskilled Labor [Von Braun]
Man Is Only The Centre Of His Own Universe
Man Is The Best Computer We Can Put Aboard A Spacecraft [Wernher Von Braun]
Man Is The Measure Of All Things [Protagoras]
Man Is The Mirror Of Himself
Man Is The Only Animal That Blushes - Or Needs To [Mark Twain]
Man Is The Only Creature That Refuses To Be What He Is [Albert Camus]
Man Makes His Own Luck [Twelve O'Clock High - 1949]
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing [Headline Audio Capacity Or Pre-Trial? ]
Man More Eager To Copulate Than Donkey, But Restrained By His Purse [Egypt 304-30 BC]
Man Needs A Mistress Just To Break The Monogamy
Man Not Having Different Sex With One Woman, Will Have One Sex With Different Women
140

Man Not Finished When He's Defeated, He's Finished When He Quits [Richard M. Nixon]
Man Of Character Stills Conflict Through Dispassionate Compromise [Justice John Roberts]
Man Of Good Sense Dreads Most A Wife With More Sense Than Him [Henry Fielding]
Man Of His Word
Man Of Letters
Man Of Means
Man Of Means By No Means [King Of The Road]
Man Of Parts
Man Of Steel [Bush II For Australian PM John Howard]
Man Of Steel [Superman]
Man Of Straw
Man Of The Cloth
Man Of The People [Thomas Jefferson]
Man On A Date Wonders If Hell Get Lucky, Woman Already Knows
Man On Singles Holiday Finds Himself Alone [Headline]
Man On The Clapham Omnibus
Man Only Animal Who Is Friendly With His Victims Until He Eats Them [Samuel Butler]
Man Plans, God Laughs
Man Proposes, God Disposes [Antithesis]
Man Sentenced For Life From Subjection By Mother To Submission To Wife
Man Shoots Self With Ax [Headline]
Man Shot By Drinking Partner, Police Said [Dallas Morning News]
Man Steals Your Wife, There Is No Better Revenge Than To Let Him Keep Her [Sasha Guitry]
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [Monterey Herald Sun]
Man Sucking Nipples Makes Clean Breast Of Things
Man Takes A Drink, The Drink Takes Another & The Drink Takes The Man [Sinclair Lewis]
Man That I Am Is A Man That I Don't Know [Primal Fear]
Man Van [Dodge Grand Caravan RT - 2011]
Man Walking Through Screen Door Straining Self
Man Was Created First Because You Need A Prototype Before The Real Thing
Man Was Made At The End Of The Week's Work When God Was Tired [Mark Twain]
Man Was Predestined To Have Free Will
Man Who Believes He's Smarter Than His Wife, Has A Very Smart Wife!
Man Who Cries While Masturbating Is A Tearjerker
Man Who Dares To Waste One Hour Has Not Discovered The Value Of Life [Charles Darwin]
Man Who Dates Flat Chested Woman Will Be Feeling Low
Man Who Drive Like Hell, Bound To Get There!
Man Who Eats Dad's Photo Is Soon Spitting Image Of Him
Man Who Fights With Wife All Day Get No Piece At Night
Man Who Gets Kicked In Testicles, Left Holding The Bag
Man Who Has Money To Burn, Makes An Ash Of Himself
Man Who Has Nothing To Say, Should Say Nothing
Man Who Is Busy Always Has Time To Do One More Thing [Prof. Edward Demmings]
Man Who Is His Own Client Has A Fool For A Lawyer
Man Who Is His Own Lawyer Has A Fool For A Client
Man Who Is Lazy Never Has Time To Do Anything [Prof. Edward Demmings]
141

Man Who Jumps Through Screen Door Likely To Strain Himself


Man Who Lets Woman On Top, Will Screw Up
Man Who Makes No Mistakes Does Not Usually Make Anything [Theodore Roosevelt]
Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat & Other Clinical Tales [Oliver Sacks]
Man Who Mix Rogaine With Viagra Will End Up Hard Headed
Man Who Mixes Viagra With Ex-Lax Doesnt Know If Coming Or Going
Man Who Pulls On Lady's Bra-Strap, Gets Bust In Mouth
Man Who Put Head It Fruit Drink, Get Punch In Nose
Man Who Ran Into Bar Exclaimed 'Ouch!'
Man Who Scratches Behind Should Not Upfront Bite Fingernails
Man Who Shoot Off Mouth, Must Expect To Lose Face
Man Who Sinks Into Woman's Arms Is Soon Up To His Arm Pits In Woman's Sink
Man Who Smiles When Things Go Wrong Knows Who To Blame It On [Robert Bloch]
Man Who Speaks The Truth Is Always At Ease [Persian Proverb]
Man Who Stands On Toilet Is High On Pot!
Man Who Steals Your Wife Deserves Her, That's Your Revenge
Man Who Strikes First Admits That His Ideas Have Given Out [Chinese Proverb]
Man Who Swims Against The Stream Knows Its Strength
Man Who Throw Cat Out Car Window, Makes Kitty Litter
Man Who Tries Doggie Style Won't Want To Face His Wife Again
Man Who Walk Through Airport Turnstile Sideways Going To Bangkok
Man Who Wants Pretty Nurse, Must Be Patient
Man Who Works With His Hands Is A Laborer [Louis Nizer]
*Man Who Works With His Hands & His Brain Is A Craftsman
*Man Who Works With His Hands, His Brain & His Heart Is An Artist
Man Wearing Only One Shoe Was Asked: 'Just Lost A Shoe?'-'Nope, Just Found One'
Man With Athletic Finger Makes Broad Jump
Man With Hand In Pocket Is All Ways On The Ball
Man With Head Up Ass, Can't See For Shit
Man With Money To Burn Seeks Gal Who Wants To Play With Fire
Man Without God Is A Dog!
Man Without Religion Is Like A Fish Without A Bicycle
Man Works From Sun To Sun, Woman's Work Is Never Done
Man Wrapped Up In Himself Makes A Very Small Bundle [Benjamin Franklin]
Man, Youre Quite A Woman
Managed Care
Managed Competition
Managed Electorate
Managed Healthcare
Management Action
Management Decision
Management Is Doing Things Right, Leadership Is Doing The Right Things [Peter F. Drucker]
Management Science
Management Style
Management Support
Management Truism: It's Not Their Money!
142

Managers Are Promoted To Their Level Of Incompetence


Manager Asks How & When, Leader Asks What & Why [Warren Bennis]
Managing A Dental Practice: The Genghis Khan Way Help! [Michael. R Young]
Maana, Maana, Maana Is Soon Enough For Me
Manatee, Legendary Mermaid, Nurses Calf From Teats Under Her Arm Pits [Pectoral Flippers]
Mandatory Contribution
Mandatory Donation
Mandatory Elective
Mandatory Freewill Offering
Mandatory Judgment
Mandatory Mediation
Mandatory Opinion
Mandatory Option
Mandatory Sentencing Guidelines
Mandatory Volunteer
Mandatory Volunteering
Mandatory Volunteerism
Manic-Depressive
Manifest Destiny
Manifest Disapproval
Manifest Dysentery
Manifest Showed Manifest Disapproval To Manifest Level Of Technological Decline
Manikins, Arent Most Of Them Womanikins?
Mankind Consists Of The Immovable, The Movable & Those Who Move [Benjamin Franklin]
Mankind Must Put An End To War, Or War Will Put An End To Mankind [John F. Kennedy]
Manly Woman
Manners Maketh Man
Mannish Woman
Man's Best Friend Is His Dog
Man's Best Friend Is His Dogma
Man's Best Friend Is His Friend
Man's Burden Is Himself [Maurice Freehill]
Man's Character Makes Preventing Repetitions Of History Impossible ['Twain-ish']
Man's Face Is His Autobiography, Woman's Is Her Work Of Fiction [Oscar Wilde]
Mans Gotta Do What A Mans Gotta Do [Fred Mac Murray]
Man's Home Is His Castle
Man's Home Is His Castle, In A Manor Of Speaking
Man's Home Is His Hassle [Paul D. Arnold]
Man's Intuition
Man's Last Will & Testament Is A Dead Give Away
Mans Man
Man's Palate Can, In Time, Become Accustomed To Anything [Napoleon Bonaparte]
Man's Silence Is Wonderful To Listen To [Thomas Hardy]
Mans Squirrelly Ancestor Purgatorius Named After Purgatory Hill, MT, Not Purgatory Proper
Mans Squirrelly Ancestor Purgatorius Scampered Thru Trees In Paleocene, 65 Million BCE
Man's Tie Should Never Be Louder Than His Wife [John Hughes]
143

Man's Worth Is No Greater Than The Worth Of His Ambitions [Marcus Aurelius]
Mantis Who Lost The Volition To Pray [Dr Seuss]
Mantis Who Lost The Volition To Pray, For By Biting Head She Did Betray
Mantrap
Manual Automatic Garage Door Openers
Manufactured Home
Manuscript Both Good & Original, But Good Is Not Original & Original Not Good! [S. Johnson]
Many A Beautiful Theory Was Killed By An Ugly Fact [Thomas Huxley]
Many A Company For Want Of A Tail Acquires The Whole Dog
Many A Cuckolded Man For Want Of A Tail Acquires The Whole Dog
Many A Good Tune Is Played On An Old Fiddle
Many A Little Makes A Mickle, Many A Mickle Makes A Muckle [Scottish]
Many A Little Value Accumulates To Make A Large Value [Little To Muckle]
Many A Man Is In The Doghouse For Biting Off More Than He Can Chew
Many A Man Owes His Success To His First Wife, & His Second Wife To His Success
Many A True Word Is Spoken In Jest
Many Arguments Have Two Sides, But No End
Many Are Called, But Few Are Chosen
Many-Breasted Amazon
Many Campaign Promises Are Sound - Just Sound!
Many Eggs May Be Broken, But Only A Few Turn Into Decent Omelets
Many Fewer
Many Go Fishing All Of Their Lives, Not Knowing It Isnt Fish Theyre After [Thoreau]
Many Great Discoveries Are Made By Not Following Instructions
Many Great Ideas Go Unexecuted, & Many Great Executioners Are Without Ideas [T. Blixseth]
Many Hands Make Light Work
Many Have Sight, Few Have Vision
Many May Lose Their Tempers From Seeing You Keep Yours
Many Men Bite, But 'Fu Man Chu'
Many Men Owe Success To First Wife & Second Wife To This Success [Jim Backus]
Many Paths To Top Of Mountain, But The View Is Always The Same
Many Pay $1 For $2 Items They Don't Want, Others Pay $2 For $1 Items They Do Want
Many People Quit Looking For Work When They Find A Job
Many People Quit Working When They Find A Job
Many People See But Few Understand
Many Ways Of Going Forward, But Only One Way Of Standing Still [FDR]
Mao Tse Tongue, The Language Of The Little Red Book
Marathon Runner With Ill Fitting Shoes Suffered The Agony Of Defeat
March Comes In Like A Lion & Goes Out Like A Lamb
March Planned For August [Headline]
March Winds & April Showers Bring Forth May Flowers
Margaritas Best In The Burgh! Over 50 Types Of Tequila! Kids Eat Free! [El Campesino]
Marginal Cost
Marginal Utility [By Jevons]
Marijuana Initiative
Marine Land
144

Marine Seal, Human Variety, Could Swim Through The Arteries Of A Blue Whales Heart
Marine To Qualify Must Hit His Head Four Times On Low Beam [WWI Sailor's Saying]
Marital Advice: Give Little, Give Seldom, & Mostly Give Grudgingly' [Ruth Smythers 1894]
Marital Advice: Or 'Proper Marriage Could Become An Orgy Of Sexual Lust'[Ruth Smythers]
Marital Advice: When You're Wrong, Admit It; When You're Right, Shut Up [Ogden Nash]
Marital Bliss
Marital Relations Soured? Must Take Matters Into Own Hand!
Marital Sex
Marital Trust
Mark Twain Called The American Sholom Aleichem
Mark Twain Had The Shit Shocked Out Of By Nikola Teslas Electric Constipation Cure
Marketing Strategy
Marques Of Queensberry Rules
Marriage, Act Of Putting Ring On Finger Of Lady & Through Nose Of Man [Herbert Spencer]
Marriage, An Expensive Way Of Getting Your Laundry Done For Free
Marriage & Bank Accounts, You Put It In, Take It Out & Lose Interest
Marriage & Baths, Stay In For A While & It Ain't As Hot As It Was
Marriage & Insanity Mean Commitment
Marriage Changes Everything, Suddenly You're In Bed With A Relative
Marriage Changes Passion, Suddenly You're In Bed With A Relative
Marriage Contract: 'Non-Returnable Unless Seal Is Broken'
Marriage Exchanges Attentions Of Many Men For Inattentions Of One [Helen Rowland]
Marriage For Second Time Is The Triumph Of Hope Over Experience
Marriage For Money Is Made By The Devil
Marriage Got Her A New Name & A Dress
Marriage Has Many Pains, But Celibacy Has No Pleasures [Samuel Johnson]
Marriage Is A Four Ring Circus, Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffe-Ring & Endu-Ring
Marriage Is A Great Institution, But Im Not Ready For An Institution [Mae West]
Marriage Is A Great Institution, But Who Wants To Live In An Institution? [Groucho Marx]
Marriage Is A Three Ring Circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring & Suffe-Ring
Marriage Is A Very Expensive Way To Get Your Laundry Done
Marriage Is A Wonderful Institution, But Who Wants To Live In An Institution? [G. Marx]
Marriage Is Always A Bachelor's Last Option
Marriage Is Bliss. Ignorance Is Bliss. Ergo...
Marriage Is Give & Take, But No One Will Take What I Have To Give [Cass Daley]
Marriage Is Give & Take, You Give It To Her Or She'll Take It Anyway [Joey Adams]
Marriage Is Give & Take, You Give It To Her Or She'll Take It Elsewhere
Marriage Is Grand, Divorce A Hundred Grand
Marriage Is In As It Combines Maximum Temptation With Maximum Opportunity [G.B. Shaw]
Marriage Is Like A Bank Account, You Put It In & You Take It Out, Only To Lose Interest
Marriage Is Like A Bank Account, You Put It In, You Take It Out, You Lose Interest
Marriage Is Like A Bath, After You've Been In It For A While It Cools Down
Marriage Is Like A Night Phone Call - First The Ring, Then You Wake Up
Marriage Is Like A Violin, After The Sweet Music Is Over There Are Still Strings Attached
Marriage Is Like A Wakeup Call, First Comes The Ring, & Then You Wake Up
Marriage Is Like A Workshop. Man Work , Woman Shops
145

Marriage Is Like Investing, You Put It In, You Take It Out, You Lose Interest [Irwin Corey]
Marriage Is Like The Army, Everyone Complains, But Still Many Re-Enlist
Marriage Is Not A Word, It's A Sentence
Marriage Is The Mourning After The Knot Before
Marriage Is The One Subject On Which All Women Agree & All Men Disagree [Oscar Wilde]
Marriage Is The Only War In Which You Sleep With The Enemy
Marriage Is The Process Of Finding Out What Kind Of Man Your Wife Would Have Preferred
Marriage Is The First Time The Triumph Of Imagination Over Intelligence
Marriage Is The Headstone Of American Society [MASH]
Marriage Is The Second Time The Triumph Of Hope Over Experience
Marriage Is When Man & Woman Become One, But Which One?
Marriage Isn't A Word... It's A Sentence [King Vidor, The Crawl 1928]
Marriage Lottery Where Men Stake Their Liberty & Women Their Happiness [Mme. De Rieux]
Marriage Marred His Marshalling His Martial Martinetish Manifestations Non-Monogamously
Marriage Means Commitment, But So Does Insanity. Coincidence?
Marriage Nowadays May Be For Better Or For Worse, But Not For Good
Marriage Secret, Weekly We Go To A Nice Restaurant, She Goes Tuesdays, I Go Fridays
Marriage: Union Of He Who Never Remembers Birthdays & She Who Never Forgets [Nash]
Marriage Without Love Leads To Love Without Marriage [Benjamin Franklin]
Marriages Always Start Happy, It's Living Together Afterwards Thats Difficult
Marriages Are Made In Heaven
Marriages Are Made In Heaven, Along With Thunder & Lightning
Marriages Come & Go, But Divorces Are Forever
Marriage Was Never Intended To Last More Than A Few Years ... Anthropology 101 [NCIS]
Marriage Was Never Intended To Last More Than A Few Years Mexico City Temp License
Married Life
Married Lovely Young Virgin 2 years ago & If That Condition Continues Im Divorcing Her
Married Man Can Forget His Mistakes, His Wife Will Remember Them For Him!
Married Men Live Longer, But Single Men Are A Lot Less Willing To Die ...
Married My Wife For Her Looks, But Not The Ones She's Been Giving Me Lately!
Married Priest
Married Priest, One Married My Niece
Married Priest, One Married My Niece To My New Nephew
Marry & Exchange Attentions Of Many Men For The Inattention Of One [Helen Rowland]
Marry, If You Get A Good Wife You'll Be Happy, If Not You'll Be A Philosopher [Socrates]
Marry In Haste, Repent At Leisure
Marry Never For Money. Ye'll Borrow It Cheaper [Scottish Proverb]
Marrying Can Get You More Money In 10 Minutes Than You Can Earn In A Lifetime
Martial Arts
Martial Bliss
Martial Law
Martial Music
Martian Sponges Sopped Up Its Oceans
Martianiture - Miniature Martian
Martini Lunches: Four Is One More Than More Than Enough
146

Martinis Are Like Breasts, One Is Not Enough! [Veronica Mars]


Martyrdom Is The Only Way To Become Famous Without Ability [George Bernard Shaw]
Marxist Capitalists
Marxist Intellectual
Mary Jane Is Intoxicating
Mary Ann, She Sold Sea Shells On The Sea Shore & Danced Dangerously On The Dance Floor
Mary Anning, She Sold Fossil Sea Shells On The Lyme Regis Sea Shore [Eng.1799-1847]
Maryland Home For The Terminally Befuddled [Igby Goes Down, 2002]
M*A*S*H Depicted History & On The Way Made History
Mash-Up, Mashing Diverse Caches Of Computer Data Together
Mash-Up, Multi-Car Collision
Mash-Up - Pass The Potatoes, Please
Masked Boobies*
Masked Boobies, Down With Bras
Mass Customization
Mass Held At Massive Mass Grave
Masseuse Fired For Rubbing Her Clients The Wrong Way
Massive Hole
Massive Space
Massive Vacuum
Massive Yet Graceful
Massively Thin
Master Beta
Master Beta, Self-Indulgent Master Of Beta Lodge
Master Biter - Mamma Mosquito, Turns Blood Into Milk!
Master Byter, A Heck Of A Hacker
Master Copy
Master Debaters
Master Mason [George Washington, August 4, 1753]
Master Of Beta House
Master Of Disaster
Master Of Disaster Spin Doctor
Master Slave
Master Spirit [Martin Van Buren]
Master Your Past In The Present, Or Your Past Will Master Your Future
Masthead
Masturbation Minus The BS Is Maturation
Mata Hari: Born Geertruida 'Grietje' Zelle In Holland 1876, Died By French Firing Squad 1917
Mata Hari: Femme Fatale, Exotic Dancer, Courtesan, Spy & Poster Child For Honey Trappers
Matchmaker
Mated Pair
Material Body
Material Breach
Material Possession
Material Resources
Material Witness
147

Materialistic Approach To Life


Materialized Dreams
Materially Different
Materials Handling
Maternity Fashion
Maternity Room Door Read: 'PUSH. PUSH. PUSH'
Math Is Nature's Way Of Letting You Know How Sloppy Your Writing Is [Leslie Lamport]
Math Problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(Ln(13e))]-[Sin(Xy)/2.362x]
Mathematician Is A Device For Turning Coffee Into Theorems
Mathematics Is Not Understanding Things, Its Getting Used To Them [Johann Von Neumann]
Mathematicians Do It In Theory
Matricidal Mamma
Matrimony Is The Root Of All Evil
Matrimony Isn't A Word, It's A Sentence
Matrimony Vine
Matte Gloss
Matter Matters
Mattress Bank
Mattress Firm For Firm Mattresses - Our Firm Policy: No Softies Served!
Matty Van [Martin Van Buren]
Maturation Plus BS Is Masturbation
Mature Adolescent
Mature Baby
Mature Child
Mature Female
Mature Male
Mature Student
Mature Video Games
Maturity Of Mind Is The Capacity To Endure Uncertainty [John Finley]
Maven, Yiddish For Positively An Expert Or Negatively A Know-It-All
Maxi Thins
May Day Commemorates 1886 Haymarket Massacre Of Labor Organizers In Chicago
May Day Engenders Visions Of Gigantic Soviet Military Parades In Moscow's Red Square
May Day Is International Workers Day Celebrating Labor Movement In Various Parts Of World
MAY DAY Is Radio-Telephone Distress Call, Corresponding To French M'Aider [Help Me]
May Day Sprung From Gaelic Beltane & Germanic Walpurges Night Spring Festivals
May Day The Time Of Crowning Of May Queen & Dancing Around Maypole
May Have A Vacuum Between My Ears, But A Least It's Better Than Nothing
May Have My Faults, But Being Wrong Isn't One Of Them
May I Ask A Question?
May I Ask A Question? - Dummy You Just Did!
May I Ask A Question? I Mean In Addition To This One? & This One? & [IronHerder]
May I See You Pretty Soon? Why, Don't You Think Im Pretty Now?
May Not Be Fred Flintstone But I Can Sure Make Your Bed-Rock
May The Best Times You Ever Have, Be The Worst Times You'll Ever See [Irish Saying]
May The Force Be With You [Star Wars, 1977]
148

May The Forces Of Evil Become Confused On The Way To Your House
May The Most You Wish For, Be The Least You Get [Irish Saying]
May The Roof Above Us Never Fall In &The Friends Below It Never Fall Out
May The Schwartz Be With You [Space Balls]
May The Skin Of Your Bum Never Cover A Drum [Burn Notice]
May You Live As Happily Together As Lady Teazle & I - Intend To Do [School For Scandal]
May You Live In Interesting Times [Chinese Curse]
May Your Screen Live Long & Phosphor
May Your Sex Life Be As Good As Your Credit [J. Corigan]
May Your Tongue Stick To The Roof Of Your Mouth With The Force Of A 1000 Caramels
Maybe A Little Hocus But No Pocus [The Brass Bottle 1964]
Maybe Christmas, The Grinch Thought, Doesn't Come From A Store [Dr. Seuss]
Maybe Error Led To Crash [AP]
Maybe, Maybe Not! [Riptide]
Maybe The Bitterness Will Make You A Bit Sweeter Or At Least Bittersweet
Maybe This World Is A Masochist's Heaven
Maybe This World Is Another Planets Hell
Mazel Tov, Yiddish For Luck [Mazel] & Good [Tov], Which Combined Is Congratulations!
McDonald's Secret Item - Land, Sea & Air Burger With A Beef, Chicken & Fillet-O-Fish Patty
McDonald's Won't Serve Snails, Theyre Not A Fast Food
McPussy Argentinean Sponge
Me, Sexy? Im Just Plain Ol' Beans & Rice [Pam Grier]
Meals On Wheels
Meals On Wheels Or Muck On A Truck?
Meals Shall Be Fun As Well As Fuel [Andre Simon]
Mean Smile
Meander River [A/K/A Byk Menderes Or Maeander River] Meanders Through Asior Minor
Meandering To A Different Drummer
Meaningful Nonsense [Charles J. Ping]
Meaningful Overnight Relationship
Meaninglessness Of Life Forces A Man To Create His Own Meaning [Stanley Kubrick]
Meat In A Lesbian Sandwich, Any Volunteers?
Meat Mountains Vs. Superstars Of Starvation
Meatless Chili
Meatless Hamburger
Meatless Meat
Meatless Meatballs
Meatless Sausage
Meats Tough Today, But Its A lot Tougher If There Is None!
Mechanical Contrivance Fail At The Most Inconvenient Possible Time
Mechanical Device To Increase Sexual Arousal In Women: Mercedes-Benz [P.J. O'Rourke]
Mechanics Law: Once Hands Are Greasy, Nose Will Itch & Bladder Will Scream For Attention
Media Integrity
Medians, Malicious Maniacs With Magi Morality As Mangled As Their Ears [Circa 550 BC]
Medicaid Payment
Medical Care
149

Medical Ethics
Medical Insurance Is What Allows People To Be Ill At Ease!
Medical Practice
Medically Proven Fact That People With The Most Birthdays Live The Longest!
Medicare Benefits
Mediocre Not Near To A Wise Man, Not Far From A Fool
Mediocre Person Only Is Always At His Best
Mediocrity Is A Bitch
Mediocrity Knows Nothing Higher, But Talent Instantly Recognizes Genius [Sir A. C. Doyle]
Medium Large
Medium Rare
Medium Well
Meek Might Inherit The Earth, But They Won't Be Able To Run It
Meek Shall Inherit The Earth, But NOT Its Mineral Rights [J Paul Getty]
Meek Shall Inherit The Earth, If That's OK With The Meekless
Meep-Meep! [Road Runner]
Meet Me In X-Ray In An Hour & Wear Something Filmy [M*A*S*H]
Meeting A Day Wastes Your Life Away
Meetings Are Indispensable When You Don't Want To Do Anything [John Kenneth Galbraith]
Meetings Are Where Minutes Are Kept & Hours Are Lost
Meetings Eventually Become More Important Than The Problems Faced [Barry J. Lipson]
Meetings Is The One Word Why The Human Race Will Never Achieve Its Full Potential
Meetings To Solve Problems Become More Important Than The Problems Themselves
Megaminds Small Thoughts
Megillah, The Megillat Esther (Book of Esther), Recounting The Story Of Purim
Megillah, The Whole Megillah, Yiddish For Tediously Lengthy Detailed Text Or Discourse
Mel Gibson ["Sensitive & ... Bigoted"]
Melancholy Is The Pleasure Of Being Sad [Victor Hugo]
Melancholy Merriment [Lord Byron]
Mellon's Credo Is $200,000,000 Can Do No Wrong - Our Offense Doubting It [Justice Jackson]
Melt Down
Melted Ice
Memo Is Not Written To Inform The Reader But To Protect The Writer
Memoranda Are For Writers Protection, Not Readers ' Information [Dean Acheson]
Memory Hole, Destroying Documents To 'Re-Write' History So Things Never Happened
Memory Is The Mother Of All Wisdom [Samuel Johnson]
Memory Is What Tells A Man His Wedding Anniversary Was Yesterday
Memory Of 640k Ought To Be Enough For Anybody [Bill Gates 1981]
Men & Nations Behave Wisely Once Exhausting All Other Alternatives [Abba Eban]
Men & Nations Will Act Rationally, But Only When All Else Fails
Men & Women Belong To Different Species [Bill Cosby]
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, Computers Are From Hell
Men Are Like Bank Accounts, Without Lots Of Money They Don't Generate Lots Of Interest
Men Are Like Cement, After Getting Laid They Take A Long Time To Get Hard
Men Are Like Fine Cheese, They Start As Milk & Women Mold Them To Their Liking
150

Men Are Like Roses, Watch Out For All Of Them Little Pricks
Men Are Like Spray Paint, One Squeeze & They're All Over Her
Men Are Like Steel, When They Lose Their Temper, They Lose Their Worth
Men Are Like TV Commercials, You Can't Believe A Word They Say
Men Are Like Vacations, They Never Seem To Last Long Enough
Men Are Not Prisoners Of Fate, But Only Prisoners Of Their Own Minds [FDR]
Men Become Civilized 'In Proportion To Their Readiness To Doubt' [H. L. Mencken]
Men Can Be Home On The Range, Inside As Well As Outdoors
Men Can Be Happy With Any Women They Don't Love; Women With Any Men They Do
Men Can Often Stand Adversity, To Test His Character Give Him Power [A. Lincoln]
Men Coming & Going, Going & Coming, & Always Too Soon [Blazing Saddles, 1974]
Men Fall In Love In Light So Dim They Wouldn't Chose A Suit [Maurice Chevalier]
Men Have Two Modes, Hungry & Horny - So Feed Them High Or Feed Them Low
Men In A Singles Bar Have One Thing In Common, Theyre All Married
Men Look At Themselves In Mirrors, Women Look For Themselves [Elissa Melamed]
Men Make The Highs Higher & The Lows More Frequent
Men Marry As They're Tired, Gals As They're Curious - Both Are Disappointed [Oscar Wilde]
Men Never Learn Anything About Women, But They Have A Lot Of Fun Trying
Men Say Of Women What Pleases Them; Women Do With Men What Pleases Them [Desegur]
Men See Things In A Box, & Women See Men In A Round Room
Men Should Be Greater Than Some Of Their Parts
Men Should Be Greater Than the Sum Of Their Parts
Men Should Be Like Kleenex - Soft, Strong & Disposable [Clue 1985]
Men Speak People Listen Then Look, Women Speak People Look Then Listen
Men Speak To Women In Two Languages, One Of Which Is Braille
Men Take Only Their Needs Into Consideration, Never Their Abilities [Napoleon Bonaparte]
Men Want To Be A Woman's First Love, Women Want To Be A Man's Last Romance
Men Who Check Out Women's Packages, Don't Always Work For UPS
Men Who Don't Like Girls With Brains Don't Like Girls [Mignon Mclaughlin]
Men, You Can't Live With Them &You Can't Have Heterosexual Sex Without Them
Mencolek, When Sneaky Indonesian Taps Back Of Opposite Shoulder To Fool You
Meowing Cat Cant Catch Mice
Men's Brains Are Like The Prison System, Not Enough Cells Per Cranium
Men's Intuition
Mensch, Yiddish For An Upright Man, A Decent Human Being
Mental Backup In Progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mental Blinders Obscure The Lions To The Left & Tigers To The Right! [Barry J. Lipson]
Mental Health
Mental Masturbation
Mental Notes Are So Unreliable As The Ink Fades So Quickly
Mental Patient In State Asylum Advised All Here Are Not All There
Mental State Of Mind Is Being Evaluated By The U.S. Army
Mention It & If It's Good It Goes Away & If It's Bad It Happens
Mercurial Canals
Mercurial Sore Mouth
Mercurial Preparation
151

Mercurial Thievishness
Mercurial Twists Of Temperament
Mercury Plunges To Bone-Chilling 68 [Dallas Morning News]
Mercy Bears Richer Fruits Than Strict Justice [Abraham Lincoln]
Mercy Killing
Mercy Killing, Last One Youth, An Asian
Mercy Should Make Us Ashamed, Wrath Afraid To Sin [William Gurnall]
Mercy To Animals Means Mercy To Mankind [Henry Bergh]
Mercy To The Guilty Is Cruelty To The Innocent [Adam Smith]
Mere Rhetoric
Merry Politically-Correct Non-Denominational 'Winterfest'-Type Holiday
Merry Widow
Merry Wives Of Winter
Merry Wives Of Winter Fall In & Spring Out
Meshuga, Yiddish For A Mensch Or Menschette Who Has Become A Gaga Nutcase
Meshugaas/ Mishegoss, Yiddish For Crazy, Senseless Behavior Or Activity
Mesopotamian Tablet Of Jokes & Riddles From 1500 BC Translated. What/Who Is It?
*Deflowered Not Pregnant, Undeflowered Pregnant - F Troop-Type Auxiliary Forces
*Gouged Out Eye, He Lives; Cut Throat, He Dies - The Governor
*In Your Mouth, Your Teeth, Your Urine - Measuring Vessel Of Your Lord - Beer!
*Like Pet Fish In Pond, Like Ceremonial Troops At Kings Court - Broken Bow-Like
* Of Your Mother, Is By The One Who Has Intercourse With Her - You?
*Tower Is High But Nonetheless Has No Shade - Beam Of Sunlight
Mess Hall
Mess Is So Big & So Deep & So Tall, We Can't Pick It Up, There's No Way At All! [Dr. Seuss]
Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen, But This Kitchen Is Delirious!
Metal Board
Metal Wood Golf Club
Metal Woods
Metallic Paper
Metaphors, Paradigms & Methodologies Don't Trump Code, Wires & Hardware
Metaphysics
Meteoric Rise
Methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylarginyl...Isoleucine (189,819 ), Chemical Name Of Titin
Methodist Passover Seder Appetizer Followed By Ham Sandwich Dinner
Metra, Easy Come, Easy Go [Chicagoland Regional Commuter Railroad]
Metra, Fly To Work [Chicagoland Regional Commuter Railroad]
Metra, Most Daily Flights From Chicago [Chicagoland Regional Commuter Railroad]
Metra, The Way To Really Fly [Chicagoland Regional Commuter Railroad]
Mexican American
Mexican Cuisine
Mexican Ghost Named Jose Called No Weigh, Jose
Mexicans Have A Word For Sushi Bait! [Josi Simon]
Mexican Perdue Slogan Nixed: 'It Takes A Hard Man To Make A Chicken Aroused'
Mexico City Considers Temporary Marriage Licenses [ABC News 9-30-11]
Mexico City Proposes Proposals Be For Temporary Short-Term Marriage Licenses
152

Mexico City Proposes Temporary Marriage Licenses Before Permanent Licenses


Mexico City Prostitutes Claim They Have Temp Marriage Covered/Uncovered
Mexico City Prostitutes Petition For Hourly Temporary Marriage License Exclusives
Mi - A Name I Call Myself
Mick Or Mack: Son Of Irishman, From Prefixes Mc Or Mac, & Downunder A Roman Catholic
Mickey Finn Or Mickey, As In 'Slipping A Mickey,' For Drugged Drink [Chloral Hydrate]
Micro-Mainframe
Micro-Miniframe
Microscopic Carelessness
Microsoft Excel
Microsoft Is To Software What McDonalds Is To Gourmet Cooking
Microsoft Works
Microwave Cooking Accidentally Discovered Working On Radar Magnetrons [P. Spencer 1945]
Mid East Peace
Middle Age Is Youth Without Levity & Age Without Decay [Doris Day]
Middle Age Is Time Between Adolescence & Retirement When You Take Care Of Yourself
Middle Age Is When You Choose Your Cereal For The Fiber, Not The Toy
Middle Age Is When You Realize That Caution Is The Only Thing You Exercise
Middle East
Middle East Peace
Middle East Peace Progress
Middle East Piece [e.g. West Bank]
Middle Initial
Midget Fortuneteller Escapee Headlined As 'Small Medium At Large'
Midget Fortuneteller Prison Escapee Is A Small Medium At Large
Midget Who Overdosed On Viagra Is A Little Stiff Now
Midnight Sun
MILF, an acronym for Mother I'd Like to Frak [Battlestar Galactica Version]
Might Doesn't Make Right, It Just Makes Rules
Might Is Right
Might Is Right, Right Is Wrong
Might Is Right, Right Is Wrong, Left Is Right
Might Isnt Right, It Just Makes Rules
Might Mites
Mighty Frigate Indestructible Rounded The Horn & Lurched Eastard Into Its Destruction
Mighty Little
Mighty Mouse
Mighty Oaks From Little Acorns Grow!
Mighty Oaks From Little Acorns MIGHT Grow! [Lipson, Sholom Aleichem & The Oak]
Mighty Tall oaks from little acorns grown [Chaucer, Troilus & Criseyde 1385]
Mighty Weak
Migration Is The Headache Birds Get When They Fly South For The Winter
Mikey [Bush II For Mike Emanuel, Fox News]
Mild Abrasive
Mild Chili
Mild Cigar
153

Mild Enthusiasm
Mild Heart Attack
Mild Hot Sauce
Mild Hurricane
Mild Interest
Mild Jalapeo
Mild Mannered Reporter
Mild PMS
Mild Turbulence
Mild Violence
Mildly Abrasive
Mildly Concerned
Mildly Hot
Mildly Psychotic
Mildly Spicy
Mile High
Milhouster [Richard Milhous Nixon]
Mile High
Mile High City
Mile High Club
Mile High Club - A Stewardess In Every Lavatory!
Miles Morales Parked His Peter In Peter Parkers Spidey Suit [Hombre Araa]
MILF Acronym For 'Moro Islamic Liberation Front' Of Southern Philippines
MILF Acronym For 'Mother/Mom/Mum I'd Like To F*ck' From Age 25 To 50
Militant Pacifist
Militant Peacenik
Military Accountability
Military Budget
Military Disaster May Produce Postwar Prosperity, Thus The Mouse That Roared
Military Disaster May Produce A Better Postwar Situation Than A Victory
Military Don't Start Wars, Politicians Start Wars [General William Westmoreland]
Military Industrial Complex
Military Industrial Simplex
Military Intelligence
Military Justice
Military Justice Is To Justice What Military Music Is To Music [Groucho Marx]
Military Music
Military Organization
Military Peace
Military Projects Take Twice The Time & Money & Produce Half The Results As Planned
Military System
Military's Sex Abuse Procedures Breached! We Wont Stop Until We Fill All Holes
Milk From Contented Cows [Carnation Milk ]
Milk Is Spilled, Spilt Or Spilth? Heith Spilith The Milchith!
Milk Of Human Kindness
Milk Of Universal Kindness
154

Milking The Cow


Millions Long For Immortality Who Don't Know What To Do On A Rainy Afternoon
Mime-Expanding Drugs
Mime Muted
Mime When Arrested, Is He Still Advised He Has The Right To Remain Silent?
Mime Muttered Madly At Being Muted
Mime Seeks Blind Mans Help!
Mime When Arrested, Is He Told 'He Has The Right To Remain Silent?'
Mincing Your Words Makes It Easier If You Have To Eat Them Later [Franklin P. Jones]
Mind-Blowing Sex Blows Fifty-Four Year Old Womans Mind
Mind-Blowing Sex Blows Her Mind, Remembers Not If Anything Else Had Been Blown
Mind-Blowing Sex Causes Amnesia In 54-Year-Old Woman [ABC News]
Mind-Expanding Drugs
Mind Is Everything, What You Think You Become [Buddha]
Mind Is Like A Parachute, It Has To Be Open To Work [Frank Zappa]
Mind Is Man & Knowledge Mind, A Man Is But What He Knoweth [Francis Bacon]
Mind Like A Steel Trap
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Full Of Mice! [Foghorn Leghorn]
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty, Illegal In 45 States & Sprung
Mind Never Shrinks To Original Size Once Stretched By A New Idea [O. W. Holmes, Jr]
Mindless Thinking
Minds Are Like Parachutes, They Work Much Better When Open
Minds Can Be Like Concrete, All Mixed Up & Permanently Set
Mine Eyes Are Dim, I Cannot See, I Have Not Brought My Specs With Me
Miners Refuse To Work After Death [Headline - Theirs Or Another's?]
Mine Eyes Smell Onions, I Shall Weep Anon [Shakespeare]
Minging Gases
Minging Methane
Mingy Minger Named Her Minge Minerva
Mingy Minger's Minge Miffed Multiple Minging Mingling Men, They Didn't Get E'Muff
Mini Jumbo
Mini-Jumbo CD
Mini Marathon
Mini Revolution
Mini-Skirts
Miniature Elephant
Miniature Giant
Minimum Wage For A Maximum Loser [Hot Chick Movie]
Ministries Of Truth [Lies], Peace [War], Love [Repression] & Plenty [Rationing] Rule In 1984
Ministry Of Truth Slogans: War Is Peace - Freedom Is Slavery - Ignorance Is Strength [1984]
Minor Catastrophe
Minor Champion
Minor Crisis
Minor Crisis Averted
Minor Dependants
Minor Disaster
155

Minor Emergency
Minor Hurricane
Minor Importance
Minor Majority
Minor Milestone
Minor Miners
Minor Minions
Minor Miracle
Minor Surgery
Minority Opinion
Minority Report
Mir Survives Its Near-Miss With Satellite [USSR Space Station - Lincoln Journal-Star]
Mir Survives Near-Miss With Car Bomb [Journalist Hamid Mir]
Miracle Drug
Miracle Fern Cures Constipation Or 'With Fronds Like These, Who Needs Enemas?'
Mis-Guided Missile Knew The Time But Not The Place
Misanthropic Humanitarian
Misanthropic Philanthropist
Miserable Abundance
Miserable Abundance ... Beggarly Riches [John Donne]
Misery Loves Company
Misery No Longer Loves Company, Nowadays It Insists On It! [Russell Baker]
Misfeasance
Misfortune Is The Kind Of Fortune That Is Not Missed
Misfortune Is The Kind Of Fortune That Never Misses [Ambrose Bierce]
Misfortune Regretfully Is The Kind Of Fortune That Misses Too Rarely
Mishpucheh, Yiddish For The Whole Family, Including Extended Family [See Machatunim]
Misplaced My Dictionary, Now Im At A Loss For Words
Miss Is As Good As A Mile
Miss Is As Good As A Mile & A Good Miss Can Make You Smile
Miss Piggy
Miss Piggy's Last Words, Im Pink, Therefore Im Ham
Miss Piggy Pig Roast Tonight Behind Piggly Wiggly's! - Taste Tasty Tidbits
Miss Piggy Pig Roast Tonight Behind Piggly Wiggly's! - Tell Tasty Tidbits
Miss Preteen Is A Near Miss
Miss Representation
Miss Representation Reigns As House Of Representatives Beauty Queen
Miss Runner-Up Preteen Is A Near Miss
Missed It, By That Much! [Get Smart]
Misshapen Chaos Of Well-Seeming Forms!
Missing Here
Missing Present
Missing Time
Mission Accomplished
Mission Impossible
Missionaries Believe Sharing Religions Is A One Way Street
156

Misspelled Correctly
Misspelled Dominique's Name Incorrectly, Dominique Water Singer - Whew [Goldensylph]
Misspelled Everything Correctly I Hope, I'm New At The LOLcats Patois
Misspelled His Name Correctly, I Had To Google Him To Make Sure I Did
Misspelled Incorrectly
Misspelled Merrimack Incorrectly Twice Already Today [Michael Gillan Maxwell]
Misspelled Merrimack Incorrectly Twice Already Today, Or Did I Mean Merrimac?
Misspelled Merrimack, River In New England; Merrimac, Confederate Ironclad Vessel
Misspelled The Word 'Newbie' Incorrectly ... ! [Mhacca]
Misspelled, 'Hmm -- Did I Get Misspelled Spelled Incorrectly?'
Misspelling, How Do You Spell Milinium???
*Millennium Is Spelled With Two N's [Two L's, An E & One Less I]
*Hardest Part Of Puzzle, 'Figuring Out How To Miss-Spell The Answers Correctly'
*So Do You Know How To Miss-Spell Millennium Correctly Also?
*Yes, I Misspelled Millenium Correctly
Mistake Is Simply Another Way Of Doing Things That May Or May Not Work
Mistake You Make Is In Trying To Figure It Out [Tennessee Williams]
Mistakes Are Stepping Stones To Success [Charles E. Popplestone]
Mistakes Are Often The Stepping Stones To Utter Failure [Samuel Butler]
Mister Missouri [Harry S. Truman]
Mistletoe Politician [Martin Van Buren]
Mistresses Break The Monogamy
Misunderestimate [Palin]
Mix Water & Flour & Get Glue, Add Eggs & Sugar & Get Cake. Where Did The Glue Go?
Mixed Rogaine With Viagra, Now I've Got Hair Like Don King
Mixing Poison Ivy & Four Leaf Clovers Gives You A 'Rash Of Good Luck'
M'm M'm Good [Campbell's Soup]
MOAB, Mother Of All Bombs Or Massive Ordnance Air Blast
Moated Hammocks In Florida Everglades Demoted By Mankind's Incursions
Mob Rule
Mobil Station
Mobile Home
Mobile House
Mobile Phone
Mobile Station
Mobius Strippers Never Show You Their Back Side
Mockingbirds*
Mod Math: Add A Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs & Multiply
Model Prisoner
Modem Operandi Is Today's Modus Operandi
Moderate Binging
Moderate Extremist
Moderate Zealot
Moderately Excessive
Moderately Radical
Moderately Uninhibited
157

Moderation Also Ought Not To Be Practiced To Excess


Moderation In All Things
Moderation In All Things Including Moderation [Valerie Whitcomb]
Moderation Is A Fatal Thing, Nothing Succeeds Like Excess [Oscar Wilde]
Moderation Is The Last Refuse For The Unimaginative [Oscar Wilde]
Modern Art
Modern Artifact
Modern Classic
Modern Dancing Is So Old Fashioned [Samuel Goldwyn]
Modern History
Modern Man Is The Missing Link Between Apes & Human Beings
Modern Maturity
Modern Medical Procedures Book Returned Because 'Someone Removed The Appendix'
Modern Tech Is Like An Old Girlfriend, As Soon As It Connects It Says, Goodbye
Modern Tradition
Modest Ambition
Modestly Arrogant
Modified-Final Judgment
Modified Unanimity
Modular Home
Modus Operandi
Modus Operandi Is To Use Latin Phrases To Sound Smart
Mojito Mojo, Magic Spell Of Cuban Rum, Lime, Sugar, Mint & Seltzer Cocktail
Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? By Molly Ivins [1991]
Molotov Cocktail, Don't Shake, Stir Or Light
Mom Said I Was A Gifted Child, She Wouldn't Have Paid For Me
Moment Of Conception: Honey, Its Time For A Kid
Moment Of Conception: Knock, Knock, Whos There? Mr. Spermatozoa
Moment Of Conception: Waaah, Her 1st Cry! Waaah, She Needs College & Wedding Funds!
Moment You Feel, You're Nobody-But-Yourself [E.E. Cummings]
Moment You Think Of Giving Up Something, Think A Second Why You Held It So Long!
Mommy, I Wanna Grow Up To Be A Neurotic B-tch Just Like You
Momtacular, Momtrocious Or Momzilla?
Momzilla Cold-Bloodily Dominates & Controls In The Name Of Love
Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend A Seventh Of Your Life
Monday's Child Is Fair Of Face
*Tuesday's Child Is Full Of Grace
*Wednesday's Child Is Full Of Woe
*Thursday's Child Has Far To Go
*Friday's Child Is Loving & Giving
*Saturday's Child Works Hard For Its Living, &
*Sunday's Child Is Fair & Wise & Good & Gay
Money Brings Food Not Appetite; Medicine Not Health; Acquaintances Not Friends [Ibsen]
Money Cant Buy Happiness, But Crying In A BMW Is More Comfortable Than On A Bike
Money Can't Buy Happiness, But It Can Take You To A Lot More Places To Look For It
Money Can't Buy Happiness, But It Lets You Choose Your Own Form Of Misery
158

Money Can't Buy Happiness, But It Sure Makes Misery Easier To Live With
Money Can't Buy Happiness, But It Sure Waters Down Misery
Money Can't Buy Love, But It Sure Improves Your Bargaining Position
Money Can't Buy Love, But It Sure Puts You In A Position To Feel You Have
Money Doesn't Bring More Happiness - Are Billionaires Happier Than Multi-Millionaires?
Money Doesn't Grow On Trees
Money Doesn't Grow On Trees, But If Not Why Grow Trees As Cash Crops?
Money For The Most Part Is Tainted, It Taint Yours & It Taint Mine
Money Found In A Cesspool Is Tainted, It Taint Yours & It Taint Mine
Money Is A Tool, You Gotta Know When To Screw & When To Hammer
Money Is An Excellent Servant, But A Horrible Master
Money Is Not Everything - There's MasterCard & Visa
Money Is Often Tainted - It Taint Yours & It Taint Mine
Money Is Round, It Rolls Away [Sholom Aleichem]
Money Is The Barometer Of A Society's Virtue [Ayn Rand]
Money Is The Root Of All Evil
Money Is The Root Of All Evil & All Men Need Roots
Money Is The Root Of All Evil, Honey - If You Love It
Money Is The Root Of All Wealth
Money Isn't Everything
Money Isn't Everything But It Comes Close
Money Isn't Everything, There's Amex, MasterCard & Visa
Money Isn't Happiness, I'm As Happy With $69 Million As I Was With $68 Million
Money Makes The World Go Round
Money Makes The World Go Round, Is That Why The Earth Rotates Wobblely?
Money Talks
Money Talks & When It Does Nobody Notices What Grammar It Uses
Money Talks But All Mine Ever Says Is 'Bye Bye'
Moneylessness Is The Root Of All Evil
Money's The Root Of All Evil
Money's The Root Of All Evil? False, Moneylessness Is!
Money's The Root Of All Evil, Hope It Grows Like Zucchini
Monkey Cancer [Bleeped On tosh.O]
Monkey Cancer: Film Short On Struggle Of The Man To Reach His Dreams In A Hazy World
Monkey See Monkey Do
Monkeys [Saru]: See No Evil [Mizaru], Hear No Evil [Kikazaru], Speak No Evil [Iwazaru]
Monkeys 3: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil
Monkeys 3+1: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do No Evil
Monkeys Are Swingers, Thats Why Therere So Many Of Them
Monogamy Is A Type Of Wood
Monoglottal Babble
Monolith Deathcult
Monopoly [Mono Poly]
Monopoly: 'Check The Spirit Of Monopoly & Thirst For Exclusive Privileges' [Andrew Jackson]
Monopoly, 'I Do Not Expect Monopoly To Restrain Itself' [Woodrow Wilson]
Monopoly, If It Persists, 'Will Always Sit At The Helm Of Government' [Woodrow Wilson]
159

Monopoly: Men 'Big Enough To Own The Government ... Are Going To Own It' [Pres. Wilson]
Monopoly Money, Nickname Of Newly Redesigned U.S. Currency
Monopoly Money's Daily Outputs Exceeds That Of The U.S. Treasury
Monopoly Of Whatever Kind Is The Sole Engine Of The Mercantile System [Adam Smith]
Monopoly: People Of Same Trade Meet In Conspiracy Against The Public [Adam Smith]
Monopoly: People Of Same Trade Meet In Some Contrivance To Raise Prices [Adam Smith]
Monopsony
Monosyllabic Is A Word About 'Mono' Or One Syllable, With Itself Having 5 Syllables
Monosynaptic Cretin [Normal Human Brain Has 100 Trillion Synapses]
Monosynaptic Cretin Was Not Ambidextrous
Monotasking Is Boring
Montana Freemen
Montezuma's Oropendolas*
Montezuma's Revenge
Month Rhymes With Nothing But Millionth, Uneath ('Not Easily'& 'Beneath') & Coined 'Dunth'
Monumental Littleness [Theodore Roosevelt]
Moolah, Geetas, Dough, Gimmie Your Money You Herbert
Moon Viewers Are Optimists, They Look On The Bright Side
Moonlit Landscape
Moonshine
Moonshine Ginmill
Moonshine Still
Moral Imperative
Moral Majority
Moral Majority Is Neither Moral Nor A Majority
Moral Relativism
Morality Is One Thing - Ratings Are Everything [Max Headroom]
Morally Wrong To Allow Suckers To Keep Their Money [Canada Bill Jones]
Morbid Humor
Morbid Joy
More & More Of Our Imports Come From Overseas [George W. Bush]
More Birthdays You Have The Longer You Live
More Tornados Feared In Moore, OK Where More Than 20 Feared Killed [Tom Moore]
Morning After Pill
Morning After Pill To Neutralized Night Before Pill ['Unpleasant Or Tiresome Person']
Most Calves Are Stillborn & Raised On Ranges Or Are Still Born & Raised On Ranges?
More Campaigning, The Better, So Long As Government Continues To Function
More Comfortable To Be Mad & Know It, Than To Be Sane & Have Doubts [G. B. Burgin]
More Cordial Buyer's Secretary, Greater Odds The Order Has Been Lost
More Die In The U.S. Of Too Much Food Than Of Too Little [John Kenneth Galbraith]
More Equal
More Fun Contemplating Her Navel Than Your Own [Arthur Hoppe]
More Haste, Less Speed
More I Denied It More Everyone Thought I Was In Denial [Awkward]
More I Know, The More I Know I Don't Know!
More I Learn Others Innermost Secrets, The More I'm Rewarded To Keep Quiet
160

More I Learn, The Less I Know


More I Learn, The Less I Know I Know
More I Learn, The Less I Realize I Know
More Insomniacs Get Their News From CBS 4AM News Than From Any Other Source
More Is Less
More Laws & Enactments, The More Thieves & Robbers There Will Be [Lao-Tzu 604-531 BC]
More Parsimonious
More People Die From Hit-Or-Miss Eating Than From Hit-&-Run Driving [Duncan Hines]
More People I Meet, The More I Like My Dog
More Perfect
More Ridiculous A Belief System, The Higher The Probability Of Its Acceptance
More Shocked By Honesty Than Deception
More Tea? Haven't Had Any So Can't Take More. You Mean You Can't Take Less [Alice]
More Tea? Yes. You Can Always Take More Than Nothing [Alice-Mad Hatter]
More Than One Way To Skin A Cat
More The Merrier
More There Is Of Mine, The Less There Is Of Yours [Alice]
More Things Change, The More They Remain Inane
More Things Change, The More They Remain Insane
More Things Change, The More They Remain The Same
More Time You Spend On Reporting The Less Time There Is To Spend On Doing
More Unique
More Ways Of Killing A Cat Than Choking It With Cream
More We Sweat In Peace, The Less We Bleed In War [Vijaya Lakshmi Pandit]
More You Complain, The Longer God Makes You Live
More You Eat The Less Flavor, The Less You Eat The More Flavor [Chinese Proverb]
More You Find Out About The World, The More Reasons To Laugh At It
More You Know The Less You Don't Know [Monk]
More You Know, The More You Know You Ought To Know
More You Learn, More You Know, More You Know, More You Forget
More You Learned & Forgot, Less You Know - So Why Learn?
More You Read, The More Things You Will Know [Dr. Seuss]
More You Run Over A Dead Cat, The Flatter It Gets
More You Understand, The Crazier You Get
More Zeros A Government Program Has The Less Congressional Scrutiny It Has
More Zeros In A Transaction The Less Scrutiny It Will Receive
Moreporks*
Moreporks Both Kosher & Fowl
Morgan Stanley Was Driver On Facebooks Wild IPO Ride [Wall Street Journal]
Mormon Monogamist
Mormon Polygamist
Morning After Pills For Men Now Changes Mans Blood Type
Moron Arrested After Driving Truck Into House [Fox 4 News]
Moronic Dimwits
Mortgage Companies Prefer Only To Handle Mortgages Of The Well Endowed
Mortgage Industry
161

Moses Likes His Tea, Hebrews It


Mosquito, An Insect That Promotes The Preferability Of Flies
Mosquito Density Is Inversely Proportional To The Repellent Available
Mosquito Exists To Keep The Mighty Humble
Mosquito Is The State Bird Of New Jersey [Andy Warhol]
Mosquito Mamma Sucks It Up For Kids
Mosquito Mites Humble Mighty/Mitey Mosquitoes [G. R. Mullen]
Mosquito Superstar Gets Slap On The Back [Malaria Messenger]
Most Dangerous Food Is Wedding Cake [James Thurber]
Most Dangerous Person Is An Ideologue With A Machine Gun
Most Delicate Component Is The One Dropped
Most Drink From The Fountain Of Knowledge, He Only Gargled
Most Effective Comeback To An Insult Is Silence
Most Enjoyable Form Of Sex Education Is The Braille Method
Most Exciting Happiness Is The Happiness From Forces Beyond Your Control [Nash]
Most Exciting Phrase In Science Is Not Eureka!, But Thats Funny...' [Isaac Asimov]
Most Expensive Thing In The World Is A Girl That Is Free For The Evening
Most General Statements Are False, Including This One
Most Guys Today That Women Prize Today Are Just Silly Gigolos, Anything Goes
Most Important Leg Of A Three Legged Stool Is The One That's Missing
Most Important Thing About Having Goals Is Having One [Geoffrey F. Abert]
Most Important Things In Life Are Free
Most Important Things In Life Are Free, After Rebate [Postage & Tax Not Refunded]
Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things
Most Important 'To Hear What Is NOT Being Said' [Peter Drucker]
Most Important Truths Are Those Society Least Wants To Hear [W. H. Auden]
Most Incomprehensible Thing About The World Is That It Is Comprehensible [Einstein]
Most Internet Quotations Are Not Accurate [Abraham Lincoln]
Most Irritating Is Somebody With Less Intelligence & More Sense Than We Have [D. Herold]
Most Likely To Meet Desirable & Receptive Young Female When With One's Date Or Wife
Most Married Man Cheat In America, The Rest Cheat In Europe
Most Of The Food Allergies Die Under Garlic & Onion [Martin H. Fischer]
Most Of The Troubles In Life Are The Result Of Saying 'Yes' Too Soon Or 'No' Too Late!!!
Most Of Us Can Keep A Secret, It's The People We Tell It To Who Can't
Most Of Us Have Far More Courage Than We Ever Dreamed Possible [Dale Carnegie]
Most Of Us Would Prefer To Be Ruined By Praise Than Saved By Criticism
Most Pathetic Person In The World Is Someone Who Has Sight But No Vision [Helen Keller]
Most People Deserve Each Other
Most People Don't Use Their Initiative Because No One Told Them To
Most People Feel That Everyone Is Entitled To Their Opinion
Most People Never Learn
Most People Would Rather Die Than Think! In Fact, They Do! [Bertrand Russell]
Most Powerful Force In The Universe Is Gossip
Most Powerful Weapons Used By Humans Are WORD
Most Problems Can Be Ignored, The More Difficult Ones Can Be Slept Through
Most Surely
162

Most Things In This World Are Done For No Good Reason


Most Try To Accomplish A Big Thing In Life, Forgetting Life Is Made Up Of Little Things
Most Undesirable Things Are The Most Certain, To Wit[less] Death & Taxes
Most Unique
Most Wasted Of All Days In One Without Laughter [E E Cummings]
Mostly Cloudy Most Of The Time [Actual Weather Forecast]
Mother Nature's Best Aphrodisiac Is Still A Naked Lady
Mother Nature Is A Bitch
Mother Of 12 Placed On Pedestal, Mostly To Keep Daddy Away From Her
Mother Told Me To Be Good, But Shes Been Wrong Before
Mothers Against Drunk Drivers [MADD]
Mothers Against Men, Snugly
Mother's Breast Is Paradise For Child & His Dad
Mother's Day Comes Nine Months After Father's Day Came
Mother's Milk's Advantage, It Comes In 2 Attractive Containers ( . ) ( . )
Mother's Milk's Advantage, It Comes In 3 Attractive Containers ( . ) ( . ) +
Mother's Milk's Advantage, The Third Lower Container Also Comes, You Wish!
Mothers, Please Wash Your Hans Before Eating [English Sign In German Cafe]
Mothers Pack & Leave Poor Father Because They Decide They'd Rather Pros, Anything Goes
Motion Creates Emotion [Darin Kidd]
Motion Picture
Motivation Is A Fire From Within, Fire From Without Will Burn But Briefly
Motivation Is When Your Dreams Put On Work Clothes [Benjamin Franklin]
Motiveless Murder
Motor Sailer
Motor Sailor Sails Motor Sailer
Motorcycle Safety
Motorcycles Use Extreme Caution
Motorcyclists Use Extreme Caution, Motorists Need Just Be Cautious
Mount Rushmore Honorees: Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln & Teddy Roosevelt
Mount Shagmore Nominees: Jefferson, Harding, FDR, Ike, JFK, LBJ & Clinton
Mountain Lake
Mournful Optimism
Mournful Optimist
Mournful Optimistic
Mouse Opens & Closes Windows, But Not Doors
Mouse Plus Mouse Equals Two Mice, Than Moose Plus Moose Equals Two Meese?
Mouse That Roared, The [1959]
Mouth-Breather
Mouth Is A Rose, & The Tongue A Thorn [Hungarian]
Mouth With Fuzz Gives Tasty Kisses
Mouthy [Bleeped On tosh.O]
Mouthy - Endowed With Luscious Lips Or Trash Talker?
Movable Fixture
Movers & Shakers
Movers Not Shakers! [Moving Company, Brooklyn, NY]
163

Movies Are A Fad, Audiences Really Want To See Live Actors On A Stage [Charlie Chaplin]
Movie Movers - Fleet Of Quality Multi-Room Production Trailer Units - The Earth Moves!
Movie Publicity Intensity Is In Inverse Ratio To Quality Of Movie
Movies Took Fifty Years To Go From Silent To Unspeakable
Moving Finger Writes &, Having Sanskrited, Skitters On
Moving Finger Writes &, Having Writ, Moves On
Moving Forward In Reverse [Ozzy Osbourne]
Moving Target
Moving Target Ducked
Moving The Mouse Does Not Require Cursing, But Moving The Curser
Moving The Mouse Does Not Require Cursing, But Moving The Cursor
Moving The Mouse Requires Moving The Cheese
MP3 Player Confiscated In Algebra Class As A Weapon Of Math Disruption
Mr. & Mr. Precedent [Same Sex Marriage]
Mr. Cock Children's Clothing Store [Bariloche, Argentina]
Mr. Know-It-All, That Master Of Misinformation [Rocky]
Mr. Koran By Day, Mr. Marlboro [&/Or Mr. De Beers] By Night [Jihadist Mokhtar Belmokhtar]
Mr. Magoo'd My Way Through Fight, I Didn't Even Know He Hit The Ground For A Minute
Mr. Dana Pumped Up To Dan A., On Saturday Night Live Last Night [05-18-13]
Mr. Mushroom Head, 'He Who Makes All Our Decisions - Not To Be Mistaken For Mr. Peyote
Mr. Nanny State
Mr. Nice Guy [Jerry Ford]
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington [1939], Mrs. Washington Goes to Smith [2009]
Mrs. Congeniality Acquitted [Headline]
Mrs. Robinson, You're Trying To Seduce Me, Aren't You? [The Graduate, 1967]
Much Apparent Progress Is Just So Much Technological Rococo
Much Easier To Be Critical Than To Be Correct [Benjamin Disraeli]
Much Harder To Find A Job Than To Keep One
Much Less
Much Work, Much Food; Little Work, Little Food; No Work, Burial At Sea
Mud Bath
Mud In Your Eye
Mudpack Worked Great For Two Days, Then It Fell Off
Muera La Inteligencia! Viva La Muerte! - Death To Intelligence! Long Live Death! [J. Astray]
Muff Diving
Muff Diving Club [Muff, Ireland]
Muff It Not, Muffle Her Anger By Muff Diving, & Do It Without Fumbling The Football!
Muffler Bearings
Muffler Shop Advised: 'No Appointment Necessary - We Hear You Coming'
Mug Shot, A Face Shot By Lensman For Coppers
Mug Shot, A Face Shot By Triggerman Bringing Coppers
Mugga, Cave Mushroom Cavewoman From The Super Mario Bros. Super Show
Mugga Ironbark Tree [Eucalyptus Sideroxylon]
Mugga Means Money, Cigarettes, Female Genitals, Black Muggle [Urban Dictionary]
Mugga Means, Perhaps, One Who Mugs Or A Mugger?
Mugga Means Rapper Mr. Mugga [A/K/A Joey Jihad]
164

Mugga Means Zust About 'Anythin' You Want ... Mugga Please, Or Whats Up My Mugga
Mugga Movement - Coffee With A Purpose [Toomer's Coffee Roasters Fundraisers]
Mugga-Mugga Historic Cottage, Canberra, Australia
Mugga Mugga Porphyry [Late Silurian Or Early Devonian Intrusion Near Canberra, Australia]
Mugga Vanity Plate 'IM MUGGA' [Pennsylvania]
Mugged Mauled Mangled Mime Signaled For Help, Screaming Silently
Muggee Is A Mugging Victim Who Is Personally Touched Violently By His Mugger
Muggee Management Company Offers 'Professional Management With A Personal Touch'
Muggee Management Professionally Manages The Personal Touching Of Its Muggee Clients
Muggles, Ordinary People Without Any Magical Ability, You're Living In One! [Harry Potter]
Mules Have More Horse Sense Than Horses [Harry S Truman]
Mullered Muller
Multi Player Solitaire Game
Multiple Dividends
Multiply By A Denomination
Multiplying Divisions
Multitasking Means Screwing Up Several Things At Once
Mum About Mums For Mum
Mumbais Climate Is Such That Mumbaikars Must Live Elsewhere [Formerly Bombay]
Mumbo Jumbo
Mummys On Vacation Relax & Unwind
Muppet Show: Why Do We Always Come Here, I Guess We'll Never Know
*Muppet Show: It's Like A Kind Of Torture To Have To Watch The Show
*Muppet Show: Most Sensational Inspirational Celebrational Muppetational - Muppet Show!
Muppets: English Slang For Stupid Or Weak Idiots
Muppets: Goldman Sachs UK Name For Its Clients As Used In England
Muppets: Puppet Characters Created By 'Muppeteer' Jim Henson Starting In 1954-55
Murderer Had Heartburn Because Of Something The Assassinate
Murderer's Good Behavior Nets Parole [IronHerder Header]
Murderer's Good Behavior Nets Parole Even Though Parole Evidence Was Oral
Murderous Innocence [William Butler Yeats]
Murphys Law
Muscular Fat
Mushroom Hunters May Be Bold Or May Be Old, But Not Both Bold & Old
Mushroom Management, Keeping Workers In Dark & Dumping Horse Manure On Them
Music Business
Music Has Charms To Soothe Savage Beast & Soothe The Panicked Pooch [C. Malchiodi]
Music Hath Charms To Soothe The Savage Beast
Music Is Art. Muzak Is Science
Musick Has Charms To Sooth A Savage Breast [William Congreve's Mourning Bride 1697]
Musick Has Charms To Sooth A Savage Breast & A Comely One Too
Musical Comedy
Musical Tragedy
Musician Has Been Denoted As Note Worthy
Musician Was De-Noted For Not Being Noteworthy
Muslasian - Muslim Asian
165

Muslims Piggy Bank


Must Have Respect To Get Respect
Must Keep Thinking Beyond Point At Which Thinking Begins To Hurt [Werner Heisenberg]
Must Risk Going Too Far To Discover Just How Far We Can Go [Jim Rohn]
Mute Mime
Mute Mute Mimed
Mute Pigs Are Disgruntled
Mute Sound
Muted Sound
Mutual Assurance
Mutual Attraction
Mutual Destruction
Mutual Differences
Mutual Indifference
Mutual Insurance
Mutual Masturbation
Mutually Exclusive
My Absent Minded Secretary Left Her Clothes At The Office & Took Me To The Cleaners
My Affection Is Conditional. Don't Stand Up, It's Your Lap I Love [Cat Haiku]
My Ancestors Weren't On The Mayflower, But Their Servants Came On That Wine Hauler
My Answer Is 'Maybe' & That's Final!
My Answer Is 'Maybe' & That's Semi-Final!
My Attention Isn't Hard To Get, But It Is Hard To Keep...
My Autobiography Is Unauthorized
My Baby Just Walks That Walk, Talks That Talk For Me [Jackie Wilson - Talk That Talk]
My Beard Was Itchy At First, But It Grew On Me
My Best Friend Is The One Who Brings Out The Best In Me [Henry Ford]
My Brain: Walnut-Sized. Yours: Largest Among Primates. Yet, Who Leaves For Work? [Cat]
My Brother From Another Mother [Best Bud]
My Brother From Another Mother [European Customer Of Marrying Sister Of Deceased Wife]
My Cat Is A Horrible Human Being, But A Very Catty Cat!
My Concern Is Not Whether God Is On Our Side, But To Be On God's Side [Abe Lincoln]
My Conclusions 99 Times Are False, The 100th Time I Am Right [Albert Einstein]
My Cup Runneth Over
My Cup Runneth Over Messily
My Dates Like A Fine Wine & Im Her Corkscrew
My Doctor Gave Me Two Weeks To Live, I Hope They're In August
My Doctor Took The Hint When His Wife Started Giving Him An Apple A Day & Left
My Dog Ate It [Meus Canis Id Comedit]
My Dog Can Lick Anyone
My Ex-Wife & I Couldnt Have Worked, Me Being A Libra & She's Being A Bitch
My Ex-Wife's Other Car Is A Broom
My Exercise Class Wanted Loose Fitting Clothing Worn, If I Had Any I Wouldn't Be There
My Faith Is That I Believe More Good Than Bad Will Happen To Me
My Favorite Animal Is Steak [Fran Lebowitz]
My Fire With Its Warm Embrace Like A Frozen Flower Covered With Ice [Eternal Tears]
166

My Formula For Success Is Rise Early, Work Late & Strike Oil
My Friends & I Have Been Coddled Long Enough By A Billionaire-Friendly Congress [Buffett]
My Friends & I Long Coddling Buffet Of Buffett Ideas Endorsed By Prez As No Cod [Obama]
My Friends So Coddled Buffet Buffetts Buffet of No Coddling Ideas As Fishy & A Cod
My Friends So Coddled Finding No Coddling Buffett Fiendish, Eyed Evilly His Codpiece
My Friends, There Are No Friends [Coco Chanel]
My Girlfriend Had 61 Boyfriends Before Me, She Calls Me Her Sixty Second Lover
My Goose Is Cooked
My Grace Is Sufficient, For My Power Is Made Perfect In Weakness [2nd Corinthians 12:9]
My Grandma's Over 80 & Still Doesn't Need Glasses, She Drinks From The Bottle [Youngman]
My Greatest Fear Is That You're Not Suffering From PMS!
My Handicap Is That I Can't Golf [Mike Mills]
My Head's Now Together, But My Body's Falling Apart
My Hockey Mom Can Ice Your Soccer Mom
My Human Is Home! I Am So Ecstatic I Have Made A Puddle [Dog Haiku]
My Husband Is Always Surfing For Useless Facts, Im Afraid He Is An Infomaniac
My Idea Of Cleaning The House Is Sweeping The Floor With A Glance
My Idea Of Housework Is To Sweep The Room With A Glance
My Identity Lies In Not Knowing Who I Am
My Imaginary Friend Thinks Your Imaginary Friend Has Serious Mental Problems
My Introduction To You Is Hereby Withdrawn
My Intuition Nearly Makes Up For My Lack Of Self-Judgment
My Job Is Secure, No One Else Wants It
My Life Has A Superb Cast, But I Just Can't Figure Out The Plot [Ashleigh Brilliant]
My Life Seems Like A Long Obstacle Race, With Me As Its Chief Obstacle [Jack Parr]
My Man Mitch [Bush II For Office Of Management & Budget Director Mitch Daniels]
My Mind Is Like A Steel Trap, Rusty & Illegal In 37 States
My Mind Is Like Concrete, Thoroughly Mixed Up & Permanently Set
My Mind Rebels At Stagnation! Give Me Problems! Give Me Work! [Sherlock Holmes 2009]
My Mind Wandered & It Failed To Come Back
My Mind Works Like Lightning, One Brilliant Flash & It's Gone
My Mom Never Saw The Irony In Calling Me An S.O.B. [Son-Of-A-Naughty Lady]
My Mother-In-Law Is Very Well Informed, She Can Complain On Any Subject!
My Mother Never Breast-Fed Me. She Told Me She Liked Me As A Friend [Dangerfield]
My Mother Never Saw The Irony In Calling Me A Son-Of-A-Bitch
My Mother's Menu Consisted Of Two Choices - Take It Or Leave It
My Name Is NO NO But Grandma Calls Me Precious!
My Nemesis, My Downfall, Was Relationships & Trying To Fulfill Them [Jennifer O'Neill]
My One Regret In Life Is That I Am Not Someone Else [Woody Allen]
My Opinions May Have Changed, But Not The Fact That I Am Right
My Parents Were So Poor, They Got Married For The Rice
My Photographic Memory Is Undeveloped, My Sense Of Composure Underdeveloped
My Play Was A Complete Success, The Audience Was A Failure [Samuel Goldwyn]
My Preciousssss..... [Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers]
My 'Pretty Ugly' Wife Left Me Because She Said Im Addicted To Oxymorons
My Privates Are Private
167

My Prospective Girlfriend Thinks That Im A Stalker


My Rants Even Get Raves
My Reality Check Bounced. Payment Had Been Stopped
My Reproductive Organs Are On Inside Instead Of Outside, Deal With It [Stargate SG1]
My Sarcasm Should Be Taken Very Seriously
My Socks DO Match, They're The Same Thickness & Fit My Feet!
My Superficiality Is Only On The Surface
My Tale Is Twisted [F. Chase Taylor- Twisted Tales]
My Taste Is Impeccable, Even When It Is Bad
My Taste Is Impeccable, So Stop Pecking Away At It!
My The Force Be With You
My Tongue Is Smiling [Abigail Trillin]
My Trouble Was I Had A Mind But I Couldn't Make It Up! [Dr. Seuss]
My Uncle Survived The Titanics Sinking, He Grabbed The Soap & Washed Himself Ashore
My Uncle Thought My Grandpa A Deer For Letting My Antelope
My Uncle's Dying Wish - He Wanted Me On His Lap - In The Electric Chair [R. Dangerfield]
My Unlimited Credit Run Out
My Way Or The Highway
My Way Or The Highway, My Way Is The Highway
My Wife & I Always Compromise, I Admit Im Wrong & She Agrees With Me
My Wife & I Always Hold Hands, If I Let Go She Shops
My Wife & I Were Happy For Twenty Years, Then We Met! [Rodney Dangerfield]
My Wife Comes With Instructions - Lots Of Instructions!
My Wife Complained She Wasnt Wanted, So I Posted Her Picture In The Post Office
My Wife Could Have Had Any Man She Pleased, She Just Couldn't Please Any Of Them
My Wife Dresses To Kill & She Cooks The Same Way
My Wife Dressed To Kill & She Did
My Wife's An Angel! Lucky You, Mine's Still Alive
My Wife Is A Sex Object, Every Time I Ask For Sex, She Objects [Les Dawson]
My Wife Keeps Complaining I Never Listen To Her ... Or Something Like That?
My Wife Money Launders By Cleaning Out My Pockets Every Night While Im Asleep
My Wife Really Likes To Make Pottery, But To Me It's Just Kiln Time
My Wife Says My Sex Drive Has Taken Up Walking
My Wife Thinks Freedom Of The Press Means No-Iron Clothes
My Wife Will Buy Anything Marked Down, Last Year She Bought An Escalator
My Wifes So Dumb She Thinks Mutual Orgasm Is An Insurance Company
My Work Is A Game, A Very Serious Game [M. C. Escher]
My Worst Favorite
Myopic Mycologist Reported From Aspen He Unsuccessfully Stalked Stalked Puffball-In-Aspic
Myopic Mycologist Saw Not Bright Red-Orange Faux Puffball Coated With Jellied Aspic'
Mysophobia - Adrian Monk'ish Fear Of Germs, Contamination & Dirt
Mystery Man In Chinese Is 'Wu Ming' [The Closer]
Mystery Wrapped In A Riddle Inside An Enigma [On Assassination Of JFK]
Mythological
Myths Are Female Moths, If You Believe That, & Are Pressed Into Mythological Tomes
Myths Of Management Include That It Exists At All & That Success Equals Skill
168

N
Naches, Yiddish For A Feeling Of Pride &/Or Gratification In The Achievements Of Another
Nad's Australian Hair Removal Products
Nail On Board Is Not As Good As Screw On Bench
Nailed By Plain Clothes Cop, A Hood For Car Jacking
Nailed In Plain Sight By Jack-Off Cop On Hood Of Car
Nailin The Coffin
Naked Access
Naked As A Jaybird
Naked People Have Little Influence On Society During Daylight
Naked Truth Is Always Better Than The Best Dressed Lie [Ann Landers]
Nakedness Of Woman Is The Work Of God [William Blake]
Name Of The Father Is The Secret Of The Mother [Creole, Jamaica]
Name Pavlov Rings A Bell
Nameless Celebrity
Name's Barf. Im A Mog, Half Man Half Dog. Im My Own Best Friend [Spaceballs]
Names Bond, James Bond [007]
Nancy Boy
Nancy Pelosi, Mother Of 5, Thinks She Knows More About Having Babies Than The Pope!
Nanoo Nanoo [Mork - Mork & Mindy]
Nanotechnology Has Been A Big Success!
Nanny McPhee: When You Need Me But Do Not Want Me, Then I Must Stay
Nanny McPhee: When You Want Me But No Longer Need Me, Then I Have To Go
Nanny State
Nanny State Gave Us Ski Safety Helmets, 55mph Speed Limits, Curlicue Light Bulbs & More!
Nanook Of The North [1922 Silent Documentary]
Nanotechnology Has Been A Big Success!
Napoleon At Waterloo Didnt Smell Defeat Until He Removed His Boots
Napoleon BonesApart
Napoleon Hill Worth Surmounting
Napoleon Of Protection [William McKinley]
Napoleon Of The Stump [James K. Polk]
Narcoleptic Insomniac
Narrow-Minded Bigot Looked Through Keyhole With Both Eyes, But Saw Nothing
Narrow-Minded See Through Keyholes With Both Eyes, But See Only Their Own Prejudices
Narrow Range
NASA Considers Space As Still A High Priority
NASA Spent A 12 Billion Dollars On A Space Pen - The Russians Used A Pencil!
Nasal Appraisal [M*A*S*H Smell Test]
Nasty Fine
Nasty Politeness
Nasty Zizz
Natcherley [Li'l Abner]
Nation Without Means Of Reform Is Without Means Of Survival [Edmund Burke]
169

National Atheist's Day Observance At Noon April 1st, Following National Prayer Day Brunch
National Medicare Program
National Slacker Day May Be Too Much Effort [Reuters]
National Surveillance Survey [IronHerder Header]
National Surveillance Survey Classified!
National Surveillance Survey Failed Because Data Sought Was Classified!
Native Alien
Native American
Native Immigrant
Natural & Artificial Ingredients
Natural Actor
Natural Additives
Natural Artifact
Natural Artificial Flavor
Natural Blonde
Natural Bodybuilding
Natural Bust Enlargement: Increase Mind To Increase The Size Of Your Breasts [D. L. Wilson]
Natural Cheetos
Natural Deselection
Natural Disaster
Natural Enhancement
Natural Forces Within Us Are The True Healers Of Disease [Hippocrates]
Natural Laws Have No Pity
Natural Makeup
Natural Phony
Natural Plastic Surgery
Natural Synthetic
Naturally Artificial
Naturally Artificial Ingredients
Nature Abhors A Hero
Nature Abhors A Vacuous Experimenter
Nature Abhors A Vacuum
Nature Abhors A Vacuum, Vacuums Abhor Nature
Nature Has Neither Rewards Nor Punishments, Just Consequences [Robert Ingersoll]
Nature Invented Sex As A Reward For Letting Go Of Childhood
Nature Itself Is The Best Physician [Hippocrates]
Nature Knows No Indecencies, Man Invents Them [Mark Twain]
Nature Never Breaks Her Own Laws [Leonardo Da Vinci]
Nature Preserve
Nature Reserve Corps Is An Eagle Opportunity Employer
Nature Will Castigate Those Who Don't Masticate [Horace Fletcher]
Naughty Angel
Naval Aviation
Navel-Gazing Extrovert
Navel-Gazing Introvert
Nazi [National Socialist German Workers' Party]
170

Nazi [Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiter-Partei]


Nazi [Sumerian Consort Of Goddess Nindar]
Nazi, Suffix Meaning Constantly Demanding Excessively Strict Regimentation [Soup Nazi]
Nazi, Suffix Meaning Extreme Advocate Impervious To Opposing Positions [Health Nazi]
Near Future
Near Hit
Near Miss
Nearly All Prophecies Made In Public Are Wrong
Nearly Complete
Nearly Finished
Nearly Perfect
Neat Mess
Neat Office
Nebbish, Yiddish For Poor Thing, A Nonentity, An Insignificant, Pitiful Person
Necessary Evil
Necessary Inaction
Necessary Luxury
Necessary Meeting
Necessary Risk
Necessary Roughness
Necessity: A Luxury You Bought On Credit
Necessity Hath No Law [Oliver Cromwell]
Necessity Is A Mother
Necessity Is A Real Mother
Necessity Is The Mother Of Invention
Necessity Is The Mother Of Invention, It's Father Is Avarice
Necessity Is The Mother Of Strange Bedfellows
Necessity Jones' Song Of The Human Heart
Necrophobia - Fear Of Death &/Or The Dead, & Presumably Necrophiliacs
Need For Lawyers Does Not Diminish In Times Of Crisis, It Only Increases [Justice OConnor]
Needing Dough To Put Bun In Oven
Needle Falls In Well, Many Will Look But Few Will Go Down After It [African Proverb]
Needless Requirement
Needs Are A Function Of What Other People Have
Needs Must When The Devil Drives [Middle English]
Needs Must: You Do It Because You Must, Though You Want To Do It Not
Ne'er Cast A Clout Till May Be Out [Clout - Warm Winter Clothing]
Ne'er-Do-Well Morphed Into Nerd Do Well
Negative Advertising
Negative Expectation Thwarts Realization
Negative Expectations Yield Negative Results
Negative Expectations Yield Negative Results & Positive Expectations Yield Negative Results
Negative Gain
Negative Growth
Negative Impact
Negative Income
171

Negative Momentum
Negative Nancy
Negative Nellie
Negative Patient Heath Outcome
Negative Positive
Negative Profit
Negative Results Increase By Pyramidal Progression The More The Adverse Factors
Negative Slack Tends To Increase
Negotiate Never 'Out Of Fear, But Let Us Never Fear To Negotiate [John F. Kennedy]
Negro Mountain, PA, Named For Slave Nemesis, Who Died For British In French & Indian War
Negro President [Thomas Jefferson, 3/5th Compromise]
Neighborhood Watch Was Great When I Was A Kid Until She Closed Her Curtains
Nein [Nine] Is No! - Double Nine Is 18 - 18 Is Life! [Chai] - Proof Double Negative Is Positive!
Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
Neither A Fine Horse Unridden Nor A Pretty Girl Unbedded
Neither A Follower Nor A Leader Be
Neither Here Nor There
Nell Gwynn: Good People You Are Mistaken, I Am The Protestant Whore [1650-1687]
Nell Gwynn: I Am A Whore, Find Something Else To Fight About [1650-1687]
Nellie [Bush II For Ben Nelson, Democratic Senator, Nebraska]
Nemesis Born By 'Deadly Nyx ... To Afflict Mortal Men'[Hesiod, Theogony 223]
Nemesis Goddess Of Divine Indignation, Retribution & Vengeance
Nemesis Punished Expectedly Evil Deeds, But Stopeth Not There, Vindictively
Nemesis Punished Pridefulness, Immoderation, Undeserved Happiness & Good Fortune Too
Nemesis Regal, Dominatrix Of The Misery Whip, You Are The Divine Scourge Of My Life
Nemesis, Righteous Infliction Of Retribution, Here By 'Orrible Cunt, Me'[Brick Top In Snatch]
Nemesis Word Is Accidentally, Or Is It Accidently [Jules Archer's Cousin]
Nemesis Word Is Accidentally, Sometimes I Accidently Get It Right!
Neo Classicism (New Classicism)
Neo Conservatism (New Conservatism)
Neo Conservative (New Conservative)
Neo Retro
Neolithic [New Stone Age]
Neologism, Greek For New (No) Plus Speech (Lgos), I.E., A Newly Coined Word Or Phrase
Neophobia, Cainophobia, Centophobia & Kainolophobia - Novel Fear Of Newness & Novelty
Nerd Chic
Nerd Do Well
Nerd Squad
Nerds Dance Click To Click
Nerdy Bird
Nero Fiddles While Rome Burns
Nervous Nellie/Nelly
Nervous Nelly Neuroticized By Negative Nancy
Nervous Wreck Was Found At The Bottom Of The Ocean Twitching
Net Catch
Net Gain
172

Net Loss
Net Security
Net Zero
Networking Business In Australia Is The LAN Down Under
NetworKing Of Pittsburgh
Neurologist During Operation Lost His Nerve, While Assistant Found It He Would Not Proceed
Neurosis Is A Communicable Disease
Neutral Bias
Neutral Charge
Neutral Color
Neutral Sheen Of Notoriety [Darrell Issa]
Never Again
Never Allow Anything To Be Named After You Until You're Safely Dead
Never Allow Yourself To Be Made A Victim, Never Be Bullied Into Silence
Never Answer An Anonymous Letter!
Never Answer An Anonymous Letter! - Tweet It!
Never Apologize, Mister, It's A Sign Of Weakness [She Wore A Yellow Ribbon, 1949]
Never Approach Bull From Front, Horse From Rear Or Fool From Any Direction
Never Argue With A Fool, He May Be Doing The Same Thing
Never Argue With A Fool, People May Not Recognize The Difference
Never Argue With A Man Who Buys Ink By The Barrel
Never Argue With A Women When She Is Tired, Or When She Is Rested
Never Argue With Your Wife, Just Dicker!
Never Ask A Barber If He Thinks You Need A Haircut
Never Attribute To Malice That Which Can Be Adequately Explained By Stupidity
Never Be Led Astray Onto The Path Of Virtue
Never Be The First To Do Anything
Never Buy A Car You Cant Push
Never Buy A Cow If You Can Acquire The Milk Free
Never Buy A Rolex From Someone Who Is Wearing An Overcoat Or Is Out Of Breath
Never Combine A Sleeping Pill & A Laxative On The Same Night [Dave Barry]
Never Confuse Thoughtlessness With Malice
Never Could Increase Of Comfort Be Sufficient To Be Bought At Price Of Liberty [H. Belloc]
Never Could Increase Of Security Be Sufficient To Be Bought At Price Of Liberty [H. Belloc]
Never Cut A Rope That Can Be Simply Untied
Never Cut What You Can Untie [Joseph Joubert]
Never Decide To Buy Something While Listening To The Sales Pitch
Never Deprive Someone Of Hope, It Might Be All They Have [H. Jackson Brown Jr]
Never Disclose Your Problems - 20% Don't Care & 80% Are Glad You Have Them
Never Do Anything Important & Drink Beer At The Same Time. Wait, Beer Is Important!
Never Do Anything Simple & Efficiently When You Can Do It Complex & Expansively
Never Do Card Tricks For Your Poker Playing Buddies
Never Do Today What You Might Never Have To Do At All
Never Do Today What Will Be Someone Else's Responsibility Tomorrow
Never Drive Faster Than Your Guardian Angel Can Fly
Never Drink From Your Finger Bowl - It Contains Only Water [W. C. Fields]
173

Never Eat More Than You Can Lift [Miss Piggy]


Never Eat More Than You Can Lift, No Matter How Cute!
Never Eat Yellow Snow
Never Exaggerate Your Faults, Your Friends Will Attend To That [Robert C. Edwards]
Never Event [Ken Kizer, MD]
Never Ever
Never Ever Go First
Never Ever Eat A Cow Pie Or A Road Apple Pie
Never Ever Make Absolute, Unconditional Statements
Never Expected To See Girls 'Get Sunburned In The Places They Do Today' [Will Rogers]
Never Fear Shadows, They're Creatures Of Light Shining Somewhere Nearby [Ruth E. Renkel]
Never Fear That Things Will Go Far Wrong Where Common Sense Has Fair Play [Jefferson]
Never Feed Him After Midnight [Gremlins]
Never Forget Or Always Remember?
Never Forget To Always Remember
Never Forget To Be Dexterous & Deft [Dr. Seuss]
Never Forget What A Man Says To You When He Is Angry [Henry Ward Beecher]
Never Generalize
Never Get In A Spitting Contest With A Llama
Never Give A Sucker An Even Break
Never Give In Except To Convictions Of Honour & Good Sense [Churchill]
Never Give In - Never, Never, Never, In Nothing Great Or Small, Large Or Petty [Churchill]
Never Give Up
Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died
Never Go To Bed Angry, Stay Awake & Plot Your Revenge
Never Go To Bed Mad, Stay Up & Fight
Never Go To Bed On An Argument
Never Go To Bed With Anybody Crazier Than You Are
Never Grow A Wishbone Where Your Backbone Ought To Be
Never Have Sex With A Stranger Unless You Are The Strangest
Never Hit A Man With Glasses, Hit Him With A Baseball Bat
Never Hit A Man With Glasses, Punch Him!
Never Insult An Alligator Until You've Crossed The River, Or Better Yet He's A Belt
Never Interrupt Your Enemy When He Is Making A Mistake [Napoleon Bonaparte]
Never Is
Never Is, Never Was
Never Is, Never Was, Never Will Be
Never Judge A Book By Its Cover
Never Judge A Book By Its Movie [J. W. Eagan]
Never Kick A Cow Chip On A Hot Day
Never Kick A Fresh Turd On A Hot Day [Harry S Truman]
Never Know Real Happiness Until You're Married & Then It Is Too Late
Never Leave Hold Of What You've Got Until You've Got Hold Of Something Else
Never Let A Problem Become An Excuse!
Never Let Friendship Get In The Way Of A Good Insult
Never Let Go Hold On Reality Until You've Grasped The Next
174

Never Let Go One Hold Until You Grasp The Next


Never Let On To A Computer You're In A Hurry
Never Let The Sun Go Down On Your Anger
Never Let Your Schooling Interfere With Your Education ['Twain-ish']
Never Let Your Sense Of Morals Prevent You From Doing What Is Right [Isaac Asimov]
Never Let Work Get In The Way Of Leisure
Never Lie Down With A Woman Who's Got More Troubles Than You
Never Lie To An X-Ray Tech, They See Right Through You
Never Lift More Than You Can Eat [Mr. Piggy]
Never Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth
Never Look Back Unless Youre Planning To Go That Way
Never Make A Pretty Woman Your Wife
Never Make Forecasts, Especially About The Future [Samuel Goldwyn]
Never Marry A Woman With Bigger Feet Than Your Own
Never Mess Up An Apology With An Excuse
Never Mind
Never Mind What I Told You--You Do As I Tell You [W.C. Fields]
Never Miss A Good Chance To Shut Up [Will Rogers]
Never Miss An Opportunity To Miss An Opportunity
Never Miss The Opportunity To Say Absolutely Nothing
Never Missed An Opportunity To Miss An Opportunity
Never Mistake Motion For Action
Never Mix Up Your Right Foot With Your Left [Dr. Seuss]
Never Needlessly Disturb A Thing At Rest
Never, Never Dishoner Ze Spirit Und Ze Memory Of Adolph Elizabeth Hitler [The Producers]
Never Never Land
Never, Never, Never Quit! [Winston Churchill]
Never Offend People With Style When You Can Offend Them With Substance
Never Play Leap Frog With A Unicorn! Got The Point? [Frank W. Bosworth]
Never Put Off Till Tomorrow Night What You Can Put Off For A Fortnight
Never Put Off Till Tomorrow What You Can Do The Day After Tomorrow
Never Put Off Till Tomorrow What You Can Do Today
Never Put Off Till Tomorrow What You Can Forget About Entirely
Never Put Off Till Tomorrow What You Can Put Off Indefinitely
Never Repeated
Never Replicate A Successful Experiment
Never Said Most Of The Things I Said [Yogi Berra]
Never Say Anything To A Woman Even Hinting That She's Looks Pregnant
Never Say I Can't, Just Don't
Never Say Never
Never Say Never Again! [007]
Never Say 'Oops' In The Operating Room
Never Say You Know Someone Until You Have Divided An Inheritance
Never Shot A Large Caliber Man With A Small Caliber Bullet
Never Sleep With Anyone Crazier Than Yourself, Unless You Crave Her!
Never Speak Ill Of The Dead
175

Never Spend Your Money Before You Have It [Thomas Jefferson]


Never Stand Between A Dog & His Fire Hydrant [John Peers]
Never Stop Believing
Never Take A Pill That Has More Side Effects Than You Have Symptoms
Never Take Life Too Seriously, Nobody Gets Out Alive Anyway
Never Take Yourself Too Seriously
Never Take Yourself Too Seriously & Be Sure To Mock Those Who Do
Never Tell A Lie Unless It Is Absolutely Convenient
Never Tell A Secret To A Pig, It May Squeal
Never Tell Tales Out Of School
Never Tell Them What You Wouldn't Do
Never Test For An Error You Don't Know How To Handle
Never Test The Depth Of The Water With Both Feet
Never Theorize Before You Have Data Or Invariably You Twist Facts To Suit Theories [SH09]
Never Too Late To Be What You Might Have Been [George Eliot]
Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood
Never Trust People Who Can Be Bribed With Their Own Money
Never Try To Drown Your Sorrows, Especially If She Can Swim
Never Turn Your Back On A Charging Turtle
Never Turn Your Back On Your Friends. Can You Trust Them That Much?
Never Underestimate The Abysmal Depths Of Human Stupidity [Robert Heinlien]
Never Underestimate The Power Of A Small Tactical Nuclear Weapon
Never Underestimate The Power Of Human Stupidity [Robert Heinlein]
Never Underestimate The Power Of Stupid People In Large Groups
Never Use A Dead Pig As A Stand-Up Comedy Prop
Never Use A Long Word When A Diminutive One Will Do [William Safire]
Never Use One Word When A Dozen Will Suffice
Never Want To Hear Oops In The Operating Room
Never Was Anything Great Achieved Without Danger [Niccolo Machiavelli]
Never Waste A Crisis
Never Waste A Lie When The Truth Will Do [Jack Clancy]
Never Work Before Breakfast & If You Have To Eat Your Breakfast First [Josh Billings]
Never Yield To Force; Never Yield To Apparently Overwhelming Might Of Enemy [Churchill]
Nevermore
New Age
New & Enhanced
New & Improved
New & Improved TIDE Now Has LSD, Each Box Sends You On A Trip To The Laundromat
New Antiques
New Antiques Arriving Daily!
New Archeology
New Broom Sweeps Clean
New Broom Sweeps Clean & New Sweeper Booms Clearly
New Broom Sweeps Clean, But The Old Broom Knows Where The Dirt Is [Reader's Digest]
New Classic
New Classic Coke
176

New Clich
New Clichs, Please [Samuel Goldwyn]
New Democrat
New Fox News Cast-Off Was Newscaster Sarah Palin
New Generations' Vocabulary Is As Bad As --- Like --- Whatever???
New Hardware Will Break Down As Soon As The Old Is Unusable
New History
New Improved
New Jersey, The Garden State
New Lofts
New Media, Old News [Natalie Fenton]
New Mexico
New Moon
New News
New News About Alzheimer's [TV Guide]
New News In New Orleans [Wall Street Journal]
New News Is Good News [Possimiste]
New News Out Of Africa [Charlayne Hunter-Gault]
New Normal
New Old Stock
New Olds(mobile)
New Pope
New Routine
New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group [Headline]
New Systems Generate New Problems
News To Me
News To Me Is Information Of Any Kind I Knew Not!
New Town Hall Closed Until Opening - Will Remain Closed After Opened - Open Tomorrow
New Tradition
New Used Cars
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies [Headline - Stop Or Include?]
New Vintage Wine
New Wives Are Like Computers, They Go Down Unexpectedly
New World Gave To Whole World: Chocolate, Vanilla, Corn, Pineapple, Turkey & Potatoes
New World Gave To Whole World: Papayas, Peanuts, Chili Peppers, Avocados & Tomatoes
New Worlds Corn Is Really Amazing Maize, Corn Originally Old World Word For Grain
New Worlds Pineapple, Neither Pine Nor Apple, Originally Old World Word For Pine Cone
New Years Resolutionaries Are The Few Who Actually Keep New Years Resolutions
New York Culture
New York Manufacturer Of Gentlemen's Headwear Is A Manhatten
New York Supreme Court [Lowest Court of General Jurisdiction]
New Yorker Finds Roommate Dead, Second Time In A Year [AP]
New Zealand [Original Name Of Australia]
Newfangled Ideas
Newly Acquired Insights Are At First Only Half Understood [Niels Bohr]
Newly Acquired Insights Not Appearing Very Strange Are Not Vital Discoveries [Niels Bohr]
177

News Coverage
News Coverage Exposes Rather Than Covers Events [Henry Thoreau]
News Talk Show
Newscasters Reporting Hurricanes Talk Up A Storm
Newseum Museum Of News In Washington, DC
Newspeak, Portmanteau Speech 'to Make All Other Modes Of Thought Impossible' [1984]
Newt Gingrich Labels Gringo GEICO Gecko A Lizard (Not Merely Lizard-Like Like A Newt)
Newt Gingrich Translation: Rich Reptilican Cunt (Newt [Reptile], Ging [Vagina], Rich [Rich])
Newton Got Beamed By The Apple Good [REM]
Newt's Ex Marianne Gingrich: 'Oh, He Was Asking To Have An Open Marriage & I Refused'
Next Defecation By Scrabble Tile Swallower May Spell Disaster
Next Time I Send A Damn Fool For Something, I Go Myself [Samuel Goldwyn]
Next Time Your Mind Goes Blank, Do All Of Us A Favor - Turn Off The Sound
Next To Myself, I Like BVD Best
NFL Covered-Up Concussions Risks! - Helmets Used?
Nice & Sleazy
Nice Buns With Buns In Oven
Nice, France, Italian Prior To 1860
Nice Girls Finish Last, Fast Girls Finish In Paradise
Nice Guys Finish First
Nice Guys Finish Fast When Sassed
Nice Guys Finish Last [1946 New York Giants]
Nice Is Nice & Nice Is Nice [Nice, France]
Nice Little Nothing You're Almost Wearing [007 To Tiffany Case]
Nice Niece Did Nice Nicely [Nice, France
NICE Really, The National Initiative for Cybersecurity Education
Nice Thing About Masturbation Is That You Don't Have To Dress Up For It [Truman Capote]
Nice Touch [ Garfield]
Nickel Will Get You On The Subway, But Garlic Will Get You A Seat [Old NYC Proverb]
Nickel's Worth Of Goulash Beats A Five Dollar Can Of Vitamins [Martin H. Fischer]
Nicknamer-In-Chief [George W. Bush]
Nicolle, For A Nickel Don't Be Fickle, At The Squircle Dont Tickle His Pickle 'Til It Squicles
Nietzsche Is Pietzsche, But Schiller Is Killer, & Goethe Is Moethe
Niggard: Stingy Or Miserly [NOT Black]; From Old Norse 'Nigla, To Fuss About Small Matters'
Niggardly: Stingy Or Miserly [NOT Black]; From Old Norse 'Nigla, Fuss About Small Matters'
Nigger *Politically Incorrect* For 'Black' From Latin Niger, French Ngre & Spanish Negro
Niggerhead: Knob-Like Protrusion, Coral Head, Bollard Post, Moss Tussock, Coneflower
Niggerhead Perry TX Ranch, ID Rapids, NY & FL Point, NC Creek, VT Pond [Daily Show]
* Niggerhead Washington Mining District & Nigger Lake New York [Daily Show]
Niggerhead Perry TX Ranch Parody Of America The Beautiful' By Wyatt Cenac [Daily Show]
*After Listing Squaw Tit Mt, Spook Woods, Jap Road, Mexican Gulch, Dago & Chink's Peaks:
*Oh, Beautiful For Rivers Wide & Strong Like Darkey Creek
*For Half Breed Hell & Dago's Nose, The Snow Upon Chink's Peak
*America, America, God Shed His Grace On Thee
*& Keep The Blacks Across The Tracks From Sea To Shining Sea
Niggling: Petty Or Unimportant [NOT Black], As In 'Niggling Details,' From Old Norse 'Nigla'
178

Night & Day


Night Falls Before Day Breaks
Night Falls But Never Breaks & Day Breaks But Never Falls
Night In The Ruts [Aerosmith RightNuts]
Night Light
Night Mary Gayly Galloped Nightly With Her Mare, No Knightly Stud For Her
Night Marys Nightmares Appeared In The Funnies & Comics
Night Marys Nightmares Were Not To Be Horsed Around With
Night Of The Living Dead
Night Of The Living Dead, Occurring Between Bar Closing & Church Services
Night On Bald Mountain
Night Vision
Night Watchman Earns His Living Without Doing A Day's Work
Nightlight
Nightshade
Nihilophobia - Fear Of Nothingness, Suffered By Neelix Not A Nihilist [Star Trek Voyager]
Nimbleton
Nina Simone From Head To Sole Sole High Priestess Of Soul
Nina Totenberg, Of Nina Toten Bag Fame, Was Fertilized In NPR's Fallopian Jungle
Nine Tailors Make A Man [On Mans Death Bell Tolls 9 Times]
Nine-Tenths Of Wisdom Consists In Being Wise In Time [Theodore Roosevelt]
Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell's Dystopian Novel
Ninety Percent Of Being Smart Is Knowing What You're Dumb At
Ninety-Nine Forty-Four One Hundred Percent Pure
Ninety-Nine Forty-Four One Hundred Percent Pure B.S.
Ninety-Nine Percent Fat Free
Ninety-Nine Percent Of Mortgage Brokers Give The Rest A Bad Name
Ninety Percent Of Everything Is Crud
Ninja Turtles
Nintendo Amusement Park, A Non-Virtual Place To Play Mario Bros. In New York City
Nip Sip - Nipple Slipple, Down Blouse Or Peek-A-Boobie!!!
Nip Slip To Navel
Nip Slips
Nipple Nazi Has Been 'Milked Down' In At Least One Instance To 'Colostrum Communist'
Nipple Nazi, Extreme Breastfeeding Advocate Impervious To Opposing Positions
Nipple Nugget [Bleeped On tosh.O]
Nipple Nugget - Monstrous Mastoid Or Small Treasure?
Nipple Slipple - Nip Sip, Down Blouse Or Peek-A-Boobie!!!
Nipponophobia, Teutophobia & Germanophobia Were Prevalent During World War II
Nit On A Gnat's Nut [Insect Egg On A Minute Flys Testicle]
Nitrate Glycerol & You Have Nitroglycerin - A Big Boomer!
Nitrates Lower Than The Day Rates [Justifying Chemists Association Evening Meetings]
No Accounting For Tastes
No Action Is Without Side-Effects
No Amore Gaddafi [10-20-11]
No Amount Of Advance Planning Will Ever Replace Dumb Luck
179

No Amount Of Careful Planning Will Ever Replace Dumb Luck


No Amount Of Genius Can Overcome A Preoccupation With Detail
No Battle Plan Ever Survives Contact With The Enemy
No Calorie [Under 5 Calories]
No Child Left Behind!
No Child Left Inside! [YMCA Day Camp]
No Clock Is More Regular Than The Belly [French Proverb]
No Comment
No Comment, A Splendid Expression I'm Using Again & Again [Winston Churchill]
No Comment, I Repeat..
No Comment!!! Thats My Comment!
No Corpse, No Death [DC Comics]
No Crisis Next Week, please, My Schedule Is Already Full [Henry Kissinger]
No Cup Of Tea Is Large Enough Or A Book Long Enough [C.S. Lewis]
No Damn Cursing
No Decision Is As Much A Decision As A Decision
No Drama Obama [Barack Obama]
No Dumb Questions, Just Dumb Answers
No Evil Is As Bad As A Mother-In-Law [Greek]
No Experiment Is Reproducible
No Fair
No Fair No Foul
No Fare
No Fat [Under 5 Grams]
No-Fault Divorce
No Fins, No Flippers -- The Gefilte Fish Swims With Some Difficulty [Haiku]
No Fool Like An Old Fool
No G-News Is Good G-News With Gary, Gnu [Gary Gnu - The Great Space Coaster]
No Gain No Pain
No Gain Without Pain
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
No Good Do-Gooder!
No Great Genius Has Ever Existed Without Some Touch Of Madness
No Greater Fraud Than A Promise Not Kept [Gaelic Proverb]
No Greater Happiness Than Freedom From Worry [Lao Tsu 600-400BC]
No Greater Wealth Than Contentment [Lao Tsu 600-400BC]
No Groucho Is Not My Real Name, Im Breaking It In For A More Friendly Grouch
No Guy Is Worth Your Tears Except The One Who Wont Make You Cry
No, He's Not Dead, He's Electroencephalographically Challenged
No Holds Barred
No Holes Barred
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot By His Wife While Doing The Dishes
No, I Won't Star In Your Psychodrama
No, I Won't Star In Your Psychodrama Without A Ring!
No Individual Raindrop Ever Considers Itself Responsible For The Flood
No Intended Gridlock Oh, Except Maybe From Time To Time [Bob Dole]
180

No Interest In Banks These Days


No Interest In Politics Doesn't Mean Politics Won't Take An Interest In You! [Pericles 430 BC]
No Is Not Necessarily No [Napoleon Hill]
No Is Not Necessarily No [Over-Sexed Frat Boy]
No Is Not Necessarily No, NOT! [Womens Libber]
No Job Too Small No Fee Too Large!
No Kids I Know Of
No Kill Humane Society
No Leader Can Be Too Far Ahead Of His Followers [Eleanor Roosevelt]
No Life Now Without The Sun, No Future Life Without A Son
No Limit Texas Holdem Game - $50 Max Buy-In!
No Man Can Serve Two Masters
No Man Can Think Clearly When His Fists Are Clenched [George Hean Nathan]
No Man Is An Island
No Man's Life, Liberty Or Property Are Safe While The Legislature Is In Session [G J Tucker]
No Matter How Far Money Goes, It Never Goes As Far As The Next Paycheck
No Matter How Good Looking, Some Other Guy Is Sick & Tired Of Putting Up With Her Shit
No Matter How Hot, Another Guy Is Sick & Tired Of Putting Up With Her Crap
No Matter How Many Reporters Share A Cab, No Matter Who Pays, Each Expenses It In Full
No Matter How Many Times You Push The Wrong Button It Still Won't Work!
No Matter How Much I Care, Some People Just Dont Care Back
No Matter How Much Is Done There's More To Do
No Matter How Much You Do, You'll Never Do Enough
No Matter How Much You Push The Envelope, It Remains Stationery
No Matter How Old You Are, Theres Always Good To Look Forward To [Lynn Johnston]
No Matter How Thin You Slice It, It's Still Baloney [Rube Goldberg]
No Matter How Thin You Slice It There Are Always Two Sides
No Matter In Which Direction You Canoe It's Always Against The Wind Coming Back
No Matter The Diet You Can Eat All You Want Of Anything You Don't Like [Walter Slezak]
No Matter Where You Go, There You Are!
No Matter Which Way You Bike It's Uphill & Against The Wind
No Matter What Goes Wrong, Somebody Always Knew It Would
No Matter What Happens, Somebody Will Find A Way To Take It Too Seriously
No Matter What You Do, Somebody Always Imputes Meaning Into Your Books [Dr. Seuss]
No Matter Where You Go, There You Are!
No Matter Which Direction You Start It's Always Against The Wind Coming Back
No Means Yes [Politically Incorrect]
No Mission Is Impossible For Those Not Doing It
No Mortal Being Can Influence The Absolute
No Multiplicities Exist That A Coherent Explanation Cant Be Conceived, However Complex
No Names, No Pack-Drill [No Punishment]
No New News Today, The Old News Is That ....
No News Is Better Than Evil News [King James I Of England - 1616]
No News Is Better Than Evil News, I Like My News Baaaad!
No News Is Better Than Evil News, Thank God For Inspiring Me To Mute Gossipmongers
No News Is Good News
181

No News Is Good News; I Rarely Read About Someone NOT Getting Sick Or Dying
No News Is Good News; I Rarely Read Good News Above The Fold
No News Is Good News; If Nobody Complains You Got Away With It!
No News Is Good News Means All News Is Bad News
No News Is Good News Means If Theres No News Thats Good!
No One Can Cheat You Out Of Ultimate Success But Yourselves [Ralph Waldo Emerson]
No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent [Eleanor Roosevelt]
No One Dies A Virgin, Life F's Up All
No One Dies A Virgin, Life Screws Them All
No One Ever Says It's Only A Game, When Their Team Is Winning
No One Gets Too Old To Learn A New Way Of Being Stupid
No One Goes To That Restaurant Any More -- It's Always Too Crowded [Yogi Berra]
No One Has Ever Completed Their Apprenticeship [Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe]
No One Is Listening Until You Make A Mistake
No One Knows What He Can Do Until He Tries [Publilius Syrus Maxim]
No One Likes A Smartass, Especially Another Smartass
No One Suspects The Butterfly!
No One Wins The Battle Of The Sexes, Theres Too Much Flirting With The Enemy
No Pain Equals Injury Inflicted Under Pretense Of A Just Punishment [Horace Of Spain]
No Pain -- No Gain!
No Pain, No Gain, No Sprain
No Pain, No Palm; No Thorns, No Throne; No Gall, No Glory; No Cross, No Crown [W Penn]
No Pain Without Gain, One Would Wish!
No Place Like Home
No Problem! [Alf]
No Problem Can Stand The Assault Of Sustained Thinking [Voltaire]
No Problem Is So Formidable That You Can't Just Walk Away From It [C. Schulz]
No Problem Is Too Big To Run Away From
No Problem Meeting Expenses, They're Everywhere!
No Problemo
No Question Is So Difficult To Answer As That To Which The Answer Is Obvious [GB Shaw]
No, Randy! Don't Give Andy Mandy's Candy! Give Candy Thats Handy! [Pandemonium 1982]
No Relationship Survives Total Transparency [Harlan Coben]
No Rest For The Wicked
No Rest For The Wicked; 'No Peace, Saith My God, To The Wicked' [Isaiah 57:21]
No Right & Wrong, Just What Is & What Isnt [Merlin]
No Ruler Or Whips Needed For Practice By Those Wanting To Play Music [Thelonious Monk]
No Sense In Being Pessimistic, It Probably Wouldn't Work Anyway...
No Sex With Anyone In The Same Office, At Least While The Boss Is There
No Skin In The Game
No Smoking Near Our Petrol Pumps. Your Life May Not Be Worth Much, But Our Petrol Is
No Snowflake In An Avalanche Ever Feels Responsible
No Spelled Y E S Or No Spelled N O?
No Spoilers, They Ruin Everything [House]
No Strike Clause
No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
182

No Such Thing As A Short Beer [As In, 'I Stopped At Joe's For A Short Beer']
No Such Thing As Bad Publicity
No Such Word As Gooder. But You Look Gooder! Do I?
No Taxation Without Representation
No Taxation Without Respiration
No Tell Motel [2012]
No-Tell Motel - Check In, Make Out, Split!
No Time For Your Health Today, No Health For Your Time Tomorrow
No Time Like The Present
No Time Like The Present For A Present
No Time To Dial 911? - SCREAM!!!
No Turn On Red
No Two People Perceive The Same Thing Identically
No-Win Scenario

No Yolkin, Our Egg Prices Are Eggs-Tradinairy! [Trader Joe's]


Noah Kept His Bees In ArcHives
Noah Wasn't The First Off The Ark, He Came Forth
Nobbling Race Horses
Nobel Piece Prize Awarded To J. P. Costales, President Of Caurdanetaan Piece Workers Union
Noble Frailty
Noble Giant Flying Squirrel
Noble Savage
Noblest Frailty Of The Mind - Love [John Dryden, 1665]
Noblest Frailty Of The Mind - Wit [Thomas Shadwell, 1679]
Nobler To Appear Wrong Than To Insist Youre Right - Especially If Youre Right [Nietzsche]
Nobody Can Be Exactly Like Me, Even I Have Trouble Doing It [Tallulah Bankhead]
Nobody Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Permission [Eleanor Roosevelt]
Nobody Cares If You Can't Dance, Just Fake It & Dance
Nobody Creates A Fad, It Just Happens [Jim Henson]
Nobody Doesn't Like ... Sara Lee
Nobody Ever Forgets Where He Buried The Hatchet [Kin Hubbard]
Nobody Ever Saw A Dog Exchange One Bone For Another With Another Dog [Adam Smith]
Nobody Goes To Miami In The Winter, It's Too Crowded [Yogi Berra]
Nobody Is Worth Your Tears, & The One Who Is Won't Make You Cry
Nobody Knows The Trouble I've Seen, But It Could Be Arranged
Nobody Notices What I Do, Until I Dont Do It
Nobody Notices When Things Go Right
Nobody Perceives Anything With Total Accuracy
Nobody Really Cares Or Understands What Anyone Else Is Doing
Nobody Sees A Puppeteer In Todays Wintry Economic Clime [Being John Malkovich, 1999]
Nobody Tells The Truth On The Internet
Nobody's Perfect & I'm A Nobody ...
Nobody's Somebody
Nod's As Good As A Wink To A Blind Horse
Nod's As Good As A Wink To A Blind Horse, A Kick Would Do Better!
Noise Dive
183

Noiseless Sound
Noisy Mime
Noisy Nose [Achoo Atishoo]
Nomophobia - Cutting Edge Fear Of Being Out Of Mobile Phone Contact
Non-Action Is As Much An Action As Action
Non-Activity Is Not As Much An Activity As Activity
Non-Alcoholic Beer
Non-Alcoholic Wine
Non-Binding Arbitration
Non-Binding Contract
Non-Binding Resolution
Non-Commercial Sponsor
Non-Criminal Illegal Deportees
Non-Dairy Creamer
Non-Denominational Church
Non-Denominational Prayer
Non-Determinism Means Never Having To Say Youre Wrong
Non-Ex Cathedra Encyclical
Non-Fat Butter
Non-Fat Cream
Non-Fat Ice Cream
Non-Intervention Intervention
Non-Lethal Weapon
Non-Profit Corporation
Non-Profit For-Profit Corporation
Non-Profit Organizations
Non Sequitur - 'It Does Not Follow'
Non-Stick Glue
Non-Stick Gum
Non-Stick Pan
Non-Stick Velcro
Non-Stop Flight
Non-Stop Flight Overran Runway Landing
Non-Stop Flights, Do They Ever Land?
Non-Teleological Thought Involves What Or How, Instead Of Why [John Steinbeck]
Non-Teleological Thought Involves What Is, Not What Should, Could Or Might Be [Steinbeck]
Non-Toxic Bug Spray
Non-Working Mother
None Can 'Ride Your Back Unless It's Bent' [Martin Luther King]
None Is So Old As Those Who Have Outlived Enthusiasm
None Of The Rules Really Matter, Except For The Ones That Do
None Other
Nondeterminism Means Never Having To Say You Are Wrong
None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See
None So Deaf As Those Who Will Not Hear
None So Horny As Those Who Will Not Blow
184

Nonfeasance
Nonsense Contains Sense!
Nonpareil Center Fielder
Nonpareil Nonpareil
Nonsense Makes Sense, It 'Wakes Up The Brain Cells' [Dr. Seuss]
Nonsense 'Wakes Up The Brain Cells' [Dr. Seuss]
Noodge/Nudzh, Yiddish For Nagging, Pestering, Whining A Wifes Vocation!
Normal Deviation
Normal Espionage
Normal Human
Normally Insane [Marlon Brando]
Normally Weird
North Korea Is My Eight Year Old Daughter With A Nuclear Weapon
Northern Ireland Orange Juice Ad Nixed: The Future's Bright - The Future's Orange' [1994]
Northwest Summer
Nose Job
Nonsense Makes Sense, It Wakes Up The Brain Cells [Dr. Seuss]
Nose Is At All Times Visible, Your Brain Just Chooses To Ignore It
Noses Run & Feet Smell
Nosey Little Cook [Cozy Little Nook]
Nosey Noise
Nosey Priest
Nosh, Yiddish For Either A Between Meals Nibble & Or A Mini-Meal
Nosh: To Nosh Or Not To Nosh, Thats The Seductiveness Of Uninhibited Snacking
Noshville Is Nashville's New York Deli
Nostalgia Ain't What It Used To Be
Nostalgia Is A Device That Removes The Ruts & Potholes From Memory Lane
Nostalgia Is A Seductive Liar
Nostalgia Is What A Comb Gives You After You Lose Your Hair
Nostalgia Isnt What It Used To Be
Nosophobia - Hypochondriac's Fear Of Catching A Disease
Not Accidental That Word Die Is In Diet
Not All Cool Kids Want To Be Smart, But All Smart Kids Want To Be Cool [Jane Doe]
Not All Men Are Annoying, Some Are Dead & Some Always Agree With Me
Not All Men Are Fools, Some Are Bachelors
Not All Who Wander Are Lost
Not An Apple On A Tree, But The Pair On Ground That Caused Trouble In The Garden
Not Apple On Tree, But The Pair On Ground That Caused The Trouble In The Garden
Not As Lean, Twice As Mean, Still A Marine [Bumper Sticker]
Not Bad
Not By My Beard!, Said A Not So Gentle Gentleman Of Verona
Not By The Hair Of My Chinny Chin Chin!, Sez The Three Little Pigs
Not By The Hair Of My Chinny Chin Chin!, Sez Oxy Too
Not By The Hair Of My Chinny Chinchin!, Sez Oxy's Oafish Oushi Coz [Japanese Short Arm]
Not Eating Meat Is A Decision, Eating Meat Is An Instinct [Dennis Leary]
Not Enough To Do Our Best, Sometimes We Must Do Whats Required [Winston Churchill]
185

Not Every Conspiracy Is A Theory [Rubicon]


Not Failure, But Low Aim Is Crime [James Russell Lowell]
Not Fair To Ask Of Others What You Won't Do Yourself [Eleanor Roosevelt]
Not Getting What You Want Is Sometimes A Wonderful Stroke Of Luck [Dali Lama]
Not Happy To Be Proven Right, If You Didn't Want That Result In First Place [Don Daniels]
Not Here Not There Not Anywhere! [Dr. Seuss]
Not Insubstantial
Not Many People Realize Just How Well Known I Am
Not Necessary To Advertise Food To The Hungry, Fuel To The Cold [John Kenneth Galbraith]
Not Only Am I Redundant & Superfluous, But I Tend To Use More Words Than Necessary
Not Only Strike When The Iron Is Hot, But Make It Hot By Striking [Oliver Cromwell]
Not So Much Of A 'Has Been', More Of A Definite 'Won't Be' Or Never Was
Not Pretty Being Easy
Not Taking New Cases
Not Taking Risks Is Riskier
Not That Im Afraid To Die, Just Don't Want To Be There When It Happens
Not The Brightest Crayon In The Box Now, Are We?
Not The Brightest Crayon In The Box Now, Are We Dorian Gray? Get The Picture?
Not The Brightest Light Amongst The Lighthouses
Not The Bullet That Kills You, It's The Hole
Not The Fastest Nympho In The Brothel
Not The Fastest Ship In The Fleet
Not The Mama! [Dinosaurs]
Not The Men In Your Life That Counts, It's The Life In Your Men [Mae West]
Not The Quickest Horse In The Stable
Not The Pace Of Life But The Sudden Stop At The End That Concerns Me
Not To Care For Philosophy Is To Be A True Philosopher
Not To Get Your Bloomers In A Knot Or Knickers Twisted [Brit]
Not To Get Your Panties Bunched Or Undies Wadded [US]
Not Unreasonable
Not Unreasonable, Supreme Court Antitrust Test, But Does This Differ From Reasonable?
Not Worth A Hill Of Beans
Not Worth An Anita Hill Of Beans [Justice Clarence Thomas?]
Notably Absent
Notching Bedpost
Mother Nature Censured For Storming The State Capital
Nothin Aint Worth Nothin, But Its Free [Kris Kristofferson]
Nothin' Says Lovin' Like Somethin' From The Oven [Pillsbury Foods]
Nothin' Says Lovin' Like Somethin' In The Oven [Pillsbury Maternity Hospital]
Nothing As Upsetting As Company Dropping In With The House Looking As It Usually Does
Nothing Astonishes Men So Much As Common Sense & Plain Dealing [R. W. Emerson]
Nothing Can Bring Me Down
Nothing Can So Disillusion A Voter As Aftermath Of Voting For A Winning Candidate
Nothing Cleans A House Like Company Coming
Nothing Comes Between Me & My Calvins [Brooke Shields - Calvin Klein Jeans]
Nothing Cures Insomnia Like The Realization That It's Time To Get Up
186

Nothing Ever Gets Built On Schedule Or Within Budget


Nothing Ever Goes Away
Nothing Good Happens When People Are Looking, But Be There A Wardrobe Malfunction...
Nothing Great Has Ever Been Accomplished Without Enthusiasm [Ralph Waldo Emerson]
Nothing Great Was Ever Achieved Without Enthusiasm [Ralph Waldo Emerson]
Nothing Happens
Nothing Happens Until First A Dream [Carl Sandburg]
Nothing Improves The Memory More Than Trying To Forget
Nothing Improves With Age Except Fine Wines & Cheeses
Nothing In The Known Universe Travels Faster Than A Bad Check
Nothing Is A Waste Of Time If You Use The Experience Wisely [Auguste Rodin]
Nothing Is As Easy As It Looks
Nothing Is As Inevitable As A Mistake Whose Time Has Come
Nothing Is As Terrible To See As Ignorance In Action [Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe]
Nothing Is Better Than A Friend, Except A Friend With Chocolate [Charles Dickens]
Nothing Is Certain But Death & Taxes
Nothing Is Ever Accomplished By A Reasonable Man
Nothing Is Ever As Simple As You First Think
Nothing Is Ever Done For The Right Reason
Nothing Is Ever So Bad That It Can't Get Worse
Nothing Is Foolproof To A Sufficiently Foolish Fool
Nothing Is Foolproof To A Sufficiently Talented Fool
Nothing Is Forever
Nothing Is Illegal If 100 Businessmen Decide To Do It, Unless There's A Paper Trail [1st Ed]
Nothing Is Illegal If 100 Businessmen Decide To Do It, Unless There's An Electronic Trail
Nothing Is Impossible For The Man Who Doesn't Have To Do It Himself [A. H. Weiler]
Nothing Is Lost Until You Begin To Look For It
Nothing Is More Difficult, & Thus More Precious, Than To Be Able To Decide [Napoleon ]
Nothing Is Nothing [LJL]
Nothing Is Nothing, Perceive It & It Is Something [BJL]
Nothing Is Often A Good Thing To Do & Always A Clever Thing To Say [Will Durant]
Nothing Is Particularly Hard If You Divide It Into Small Jobs [Henry Ford]
Nothing Is Sacred
Nothing Is So Fatiguing As The Eternal Hanging On Of An Uncompleted Task [Wm James]
Nothing Is So Good As It Seems Beforehand
Nothing Is So Good That Somebody, Somewhere, Will Not Hate It
Nothing Is So Simple It Can't Be Misunderstood
Nothing Is Stronger Than An Idea Whose Time Has Come [Victor Hugo]
Nothing Is To Be Taken Seriously
Nothing Is To Be Taken Too Seriously
Nothing Is Ultimate
Nothing Makes A Person More Productive Than The Last Minute
Nothing Makes It Easier To Resist Temptation Than Witnesses [Franklin P. Jones]
Nothing Mattered Before I Meet You [Favorite Pick-Up Line]
Nothing Motivates More Than Seeing One's Boss Put In An Honest Day's Work
Nothing Much
187

Nothing Observable In A Caterpillar Revealing Itll Be A Butterfly [R.B. Fuller]


Nothing Recedes Like Success [Walter Winchell]
Nothing Says Lovin' Like Marrying Your Cousin! [Al Bundy]
Nothing Seems Expensive On Credit [Czech Proverb]
Nothing Should Be Idler Than A Nun's Thing
Nothing So Needs Reforming As Other Peoples' Habits [Mark Twain]
Nothing Succeeds Like Excess [Oscar Wilde]
Nothing Succeeds Like Success
Nothing Sweeter Than A Bitter Cup Of Coffee
Nothing Tastes As Good As Being Thin Feels
Nothing To Say? Improvise!
Nothing To Say? Say Nothing!
Nothing Ventured, No One Censured
Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained
Nothing Was Stolen, I Had An Honest Thief [Donald Trump On Theft Of Recovered Limo]
Nothing Will Be Attempted If All Possible Objections Must First Be Overcome [S. Johnson]
Nothing Will Come Of Nothing [Shakespeare, King Lear]
Nothing Will Come Of Nothing - Take That Big Bangers!
Nothing Will Dispel Enthusiasm Like An Admission Fee, No Matter How Small
Nothing Worth A Damn Is Ever Done As A Matter Of Principle
Nothings More Expensive Than A Girl Who's Totally Free For The Weekend !
Nothings More Wasted Than A Smile On The Face On A Playboy Centerfold
Nouvelle Cuisine Means Not Enough On Your Plate & Too Much On Your Bill [Paul Bocuse]
Novice Thief Fitted For Cement Overcoat Became Hardened Criminal
Now & Then
Now & Then An Innocent Man Is Sent To The Legislature
Now & Then An Innocent Man Survives Death Row
NOW Is The Time To Do Things Later!
Now Is The Winter Of Our Discontent [Shakespeare]
Now Is The Winter Of Our Discontent Made Into A Glorious Summer By The King
Now That Food Has Replaced Sex, I Can't Even Get Into My Own Pants
Now That Im Your Wife, You Can Do To Me For Life (You Wished!)
Now, Then...
Now, We Can, iPad 2 Beguiles Us, Watch A Newspaper, Listen To A Magazine
Now, We Can, Too Curl Up With A Movie & See A Phone Call
Now We Can Undergo All This While Rubbing Our Tummy & Patting Our Head
Now We Know Why Some Animals Eat Their Young
Now We Know Why Some Animals Eat Their Young, But Why Pre-Teen?
Now You Know & Knowings Half The Battle [G.I. Joe]
Nowadays, Fiat Silver-Less Coins & Plastic-Ware Are Called Silver & Silverware
Nowadays, Other Plastic-Ware Is Referred To As Drinking Glasses & Eye Glasses
Nowadays Pizza Gets To Your Home Before The Police [Jeff Marder]
Nowadays, Things For The Most Part Are 'Made In China,' Except The China We Eat On
Nowhere, USA
Noxzema 'Knocks Eczema' [1914]
NRA Will Back Down On Background Checks So Long As Foregrounds Go Unchecked!
188

NSA No Such Agency


Nth Degree
Nu, Multipurpose Yiddish Interjection Often Analogous To Well? Or So?
Nuanced Humor May Soar Over Head Or Burrow Under Foot, But If So It's Your Loss [BJL]
Nucking Futs [ F*cking Nuts]
Nuclear Defense
Nuclear Fission For Beginners
Nuclear Physicists Enjoy Fission Chips For Lunch
Nuclear Strategy
Nuddhism Far Eastern Naturalist Religious Cult
Nudist Colony Living Takes All The Fun Out Of Halloween
Nude Bathing Is Absolutely Forbidden On Coney Island, No Ifs, Ands Or Butts
Nudists May Be Overdressed, But They Are Never Underdressed
Nudje/Nudge, Yiddish For Push into action by annoying, by pestering, by badgering
Nudnik, Czech Toon Yaramaz Nudnik Can't Do Anything Right [Nudnik's Nudnickel 1967 ]
Nudnik, Yiddish For A Pain In The Neck, A Bore, A Pest Who Is Constantly Nudging
Nuke The Whales Before They Accumulate Enough Nuclear Waste To Nuke Us!
Nul Points
Numb Feeling
Numb Sensation
Number Of Errors Made Is Equal To The Sum Of The Squares Employed
Number Of People Watching You Is Proportional To Stupidity Of Your Action
Number Of The Beast ... Is Six Hundred Threescore & Six Or 666 [Revelation 13:18]
Number One
Number One Cause Of Computer Problems Is Computer Solutions
Number One Since Day One, Caesars License Co. Trademark For Casino, Bar &Hotel Services
Number One Since Day One!, Nuts, Weekly UK Lad Mag, So Voted By Its Readers
Number Two
Numbers Are Symbols For Things, The Number & The Thing Are Not The Same
Numbers Are Tools, Not Rules
Numbers Manipulating Skills Are A Talent, Not Evidence Of Divine Guidance
Numbing Sensation
Nuns Generally Wear Plain Colors As Old Habits Never Dye
Nunsense, Antics Of The Little Sisters of Hoboken, First in Greeting Cards &Then Theater
Nutritious Fast Food
Nutritious Spam
Nuts Stirred In Dough
Nursery No Crying
Nursing Leadership
Nut Named Hazel Held Up A Bank Demanding All The Cashew Have'
Nut Screws Washers & Bolts [Launderette Sex Crime Headline]
Nutjob
Nylon First Called Delawear By Lammot DuPont After Delaware Where DuPont Is Based
Nylon Not Trademarked By DuPont Because It Had Just Lost Cellophane As A Trademark
Nylons, Chocolate Or Smokes Earned WW II Booty Call
Nylons Give Women A Run For Their Money
189

Nytol Coined From All Night Being Inverted To Night All & Then Phonetized
Nytol Lasts All Night?
Nytol Sleep Aid Warning: May Cause Drowsiness

For More Graphics See End of Volume 3 of 3


& Oxys Pictorial Oxymania Series

*See Morons' Oxymoronic Guide To & For The Birds, as told by Oxy to Barry J. Lipson
http://www.scribd.com/doc/38610196/Morons-Oxymoronic-Guide-To-And-For-The-BIRDS-as-told-byOxy-to-Barry-J-Lipson-Addendum-To-Morons-Guide-To-Oxymorons

OXY Continues Slurping In Volume 1 of 3 (A-F)


http://www.scribd.com/doc/37742093/Morons-Guide-to-Oxymorons-A-F-Vol-1-as-told-by-Oxy-to-Barry-J-Lipson

& Volume 3 of 3 (O-Z)


http://www.scribd.com/doc/94621714/Morons-Guide-to-Oxymorons-O-Z-Vol-3-as-told-by-Oxy-to-Barry-J-Lipson

190