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Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System

The
Conversation
Fire System

By Mark Samet
© Copyright 2008
Platinum Group Publishing Inc.

Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System

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Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System

Table of Contents
Preface
The Most Important Thing To Clarify
Who Are You?
Killing Shyness At Its Core
Always Know What To Say
Starting Conversations
How To Forge Friendships Effectively
Amazing Confidence
How To Be Charismatic
Standing Out: Higher Value Charisma
Deep Rapport & Trust
The “Zoom Out” Technique
Imaginary Debate Techniques
Handling Difficult People
Voice Practice
Conclusion
Appendix A

Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System

Preface
Congratulations on deciding to take action for improving
your social skills to an exceptional level. I’m very thankful to
be able to share my story with so many people. Most
importantly, I hope this material will help tremendously you
through the rest of your life.
I’ve come a long way from being that social geek that was so
self-conscious that he couldn’t even demand the proper
respect from people.
The journey to being a great communicator has been hell at
times because it forces you to realize who you are as a person
and to place yourself out there against the odds. This is not
about the words you say or the body language you use, it’s
about the identity that you imprint upon the world. That
itself is a priceless one that you must uphold.
I say this before getting practical, because people tend to lose
focus of the true benefits behind superior communication
skills. These are the countless treasures that have made my
life a lot happier and a lot more influential. I wish it does for
you every step of the way.

Also. audio sets. I will show you all the way through. Your membership will grow in immense value. and other very valuable resources for your benefit. This may include expert interviews. you WILL inevitably become incredible! Back when I was first testing these methods out. but use it today and stop cheating yourself. yet they themselves have not even TRIED it! Don’t leave this to collect digital dust. if you use these techniques to your advantage. but 100%! All your efforts should correlate with how badly you want exceptional your communication skills – which I hope is a lot. Before you know it. . Everything starts with a first step. DO NOT merely read or skim the manual and not take full ACTION. I’ve had too many cases where a reader will email me and question the validity of some techniques.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System The Most Important Thing To Clarify I want to go over one very important element before moving to the meat of this guide. I never had a guide as applicable as this. Be grateful that there is one here to help you shave your trial and error curve. make sure you bookmark the membership section because I will be updating that with future material. but only you can make the final decision of what you’ll put up with in life. I’m not talking about 50% or 75% action.

let’s proceed. I update this manual on a regular basis off of customer feedback as well as research and personal experimentation. you can always go in for the latest updates for 100% free! Now. . if you have the unlimited membership pass. Even if the membership section goes to a recurring subscription in the future.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System As you may have already guessed. that we’ve gone over this.

What makes me happy or truly fulfilled in life? 4. and ask these questions. even if your communication skills suffer from a traumatic past experience. If you already possess great skills and confidence. Who in my life serves as a role model for superior communication skills? May I get closer to him or her and improve through this association? With these questions answered and thought out thoroughly. 1. Why am I after exceptional communication skills? 2. the techniques outlined here will increase your capabilities and fine tune your existing assets. Always be improving because this is a boundless topic. . This area is crucial to developing better communication skills so I wanted to clarify how your personal identity directly impacts your self esteem. What area do I lack the most? Inner emotional state or outer social skills? 3. I want you to sit down and make a few observations about yourself. you’ll be able to pinpoint your weakness and get to the bottom of this. This is the most important if you are currently shy or nervous in social situations.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Who Are You? A simple question. A thousand interpretations.

see who he models after. you’ll naturally develop your communication abilities. please practice the fourth concept daily. By attracting these types of people into your life. . If you associate with a role model. Keep progressing through association and modeling. Ask questions and people will share with you.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Even if you do nothing else that I teach you in the book.

I’d try to hang out with them more. This is a matrix of physical illusion (this may sound a bit strange. You don’t seek anyone’s approval and they have no power over you. it is because of the “fear of rejection” issue. First thing. I want you to realize the truth: “No one can reject you unless you give them the power to. but I’m teaching you what works literally!). even if they are 1% more than me. A friendly introduction to new friends is a lot easier than trying to find these friends on your own. Are you shy because you fear others will socially reject you and thus. there is nothing holding me back. The next step goes through internal realizations and visualizations. I’d do is to see whom within my circle of friends is the most outgoing.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Killing Shyness At Its Core Shyness is one of those deeply rooted issues that takes so much effort to overcome and I can understand that from first hand experience.” . You really have to concentrate deep at the real reason you are shy. Finding and hanging out with these types of people will do wonders to help with your shyness in the long run. you can’t make the effort to put yourself out there? The realization that helped me is that my life is finite and I better enjoy it before I die. Then check to see if they know more outgoing people and get into situations where you can meet those types of people. For most people. This is the first step.

I always have the frame of mind of trying to push my comfort zone. “Shyness is an illusion in my own mind” Then. This is a powerful exercise because you already know how to feel in this powerful way. perform this visualization.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Now. it’s just deep in your subconscious mind that your conscious mind has dominated. the final step is active removal of shyness. Feel his emotions and what’s going on inside. Imagine the worst case scenario of someone socially rejecting you. I also visualize successful people who aren’t shy and ask myself “are they actually better than I? There’s nothing logical that says I can’t do what they can’t… are they just TAKING MORE ADVANTAGE of life than I???” Furthermore. That’s not a good feeling so I’d push myself to avoid that feeling and it works! Try it out. and realize what it is. close your eyes and visualize some ideal outgoing person in the 3rd person view going about his daily life. How would he act? What does he see? What does he say? How does he carry himself? Watch him for a minute in the mind’s eye. 2. because I say to myself: “A day without improvement is another day wasted”. feel the emotions. Just vividly feel it. “I do not want to regret never having conquered my shyness in life”. Make these into affirmations if you need to: 1. and then place your soul into his body. . This will prepare you for the worst where the reality is almost always much better – you will be impressed the better you get. even worse than your worst memories in the past.

I’m not saying you have to go out and meet strangers at parties. this was my chest or shoulders …. . then here’s a specific exercise. bars. Then. I’d imagine myself sucking it out of myself. I’d go out and try to meet more new people everyday and the shocking thing I found is that it’s not that bad after all. This is the try secret to killing shyness and all the above is just pushing you to get here. This extra amount of human contact is very influential to your development. doing nothing else. Realize where you are feeling this. People become more and more receptive to you the less shy you become and it re-enforces a REAL positive spiral to social success. and all … but start somewhere. then go ahead and begin in dog / pet forums and find others with similar hobbies. what part of your body is the feeling striking you at? Normally. When you are at the level where you must face your fear of meeting new people live. Basically. Then. Others may get butterflies in their stomach. that weird feeling that paralyzed me from social interaction and I’d just feel it a few times. Now. I had no worries. It can even be online such as a forum community. I’d concentrate it every single time I felt this. golf courses.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Now. go ahead and contact these people to see if they want to chat on an instant messenger to share interests. You may also want to try out some phone friend services (not adult ☺. positive energy was left. I’d go out and feel the shyness. I’d visualize this as a ball of energy. Let’s say you love dog training. but even that may help). a black ugly ball. I’m dead serious about this exercise so go ahead and keep doing it! Your brain will re-wire itself. I was free of it. I always use this when approaching new people or meeting people. It just vaporized and only a warm.

but I had my laser targeted goal in mind and I knew nothing would stop me. but the important thing is that you have killed your shyness. My life was being wasted if I don’t handle this! Through this process where I went forward little by little. I eventually overcame my shyness by about 99%. the more social I became!!!! This is quite difficult at first. . I just could not let myself down again. Just go out do this exact formula… it may take you a month or two even.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System The other irony is that the more I forced myself into uncomfortable social pressures. The 1% is what I even work at today because everyone is improving.

Movies 3. rapport escalates. Keep these in the . but do make it a point to learn current trivia especially in these universal topics at least a little bit: 1.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Always Know What To Say Ever been tongue tied? Don’t worry. I learned this from a friend of mine at first who can talk on and on from anything ranging from underground jungle bands to the latest movie star gossip (great for women) to stock market intricacies to raising exotic animals to collecting rare coins. I’ll tell you the best way to never be tongue tied is to be extremely knowledgeable in all sorts of trivia. Current Events or interesting news This will give you enough “straws” to pull for when you speak to people to build some commonality. He can go on and on about a myriad of subjects. I met one guy who seemed to not connect with me at any level. you want to have a few pre-scripted stories about yourself and some interesting things that have happened in your life. I’m not saying you need to do this. no matter who you are! Here’s his secret: He’s a huge subscriber to all types of magazines and reads books or news on all aspects of life. you’re not alone. Music (whatever genres you enjoy) 2. For example. Besides trivia to give good content. Sports (for men mostly) 4. but we found we both enjoyed playing the jazz guitar and BOOM.

Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System back of your mind if you ever need a conversation filler and just practice telling people these stories. specific questions so that rapport is being built. The key here is just say “Hey. The second portion of finding what to say is to be a great active listener. You and the other party will become closer on a social level. Before I go on. but slips occur. Ask the person a lot of personalized. you’ll be pretty set with enough content to talk about. Stock a few stories on various common topics such as places to travel. cool hobbies. there is a very important aspect that I must remind you…. This is a genuine. whenever people talk about their ex-spouses or ex-girlfriends. Be there for them and you will have lots of experiences to share. I bring up the shocking story of how I had to help my neighbor back into his house after he cheated on his wife in the middle of the night once. This works best when the person is speaking in a time of great pain or stress. I assure them he’s a good man and I don’t approve of his actions. This addresses for their opinion and you always have conversation flowing well. They will want to share more with you as you demonstrate that you are a great listener. what do you think of <subject>?” and the conversation is re-opened. For example. Storytelling is a powerful social skill used to entertain the masses if you can do it well. real frame that I’m coming . To take listening to the next level you need to become empathetic. which means to really feel what they are trying to say. and entertainment. This always gets a humorous laugh from the appropriate audience. you can improve your social skills greatly. People have become rich off of this very asset and if you use only 10% of its power.

. Figure out what excites and engages them. Examples can include magic. This makes the other person curious about your “art” and also opens up for sharing his interests. It’s a great way to connect without a doubt and fills in the spaces. For example. you should bring it up casually. No need to transition to the conversation either. if you enjoy creating electronica beats for local parties. or collecting rare items like large shark teeth. As long as the hobby has some “quirk” or interest to it. talk about how fun it was last time you DJ’ed. People are less concerned with the logic. standup comedy. In the next few sections.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System from… if you don’t have that in your mind. faking will not get you very far in life. glacier climbing. but rather the emotional flow of a conversation. exotic forms of dance. Make sure to express how much you enjoy doing it and what you have in the future for it. Just mention how you did it and loved it the other day. I teach you why it’s CRUCIAL that you need to be real with yourself and others. The hobby technique One way to demonstrate interesting characteristics about yourself is to take up an interesting or unusual hobby.

I have even seen foreign exchange students strike up conversations in extremely poor English. rarely will anyone be receptive to you. just use your anchor for a positive emotion and tell yourself that “Life really is too short to be dwelling on unhappy things. and you don’t live forever. On the other hand. if your emotional tone is terrible. Focus on the other chapters and use these as training wheels for the most part. but because of their internal mood. Just be very natural and enjoy yourself in the moment. you asked for it. a good emotional tone will save poor wording almost always from my experience. .” This may take some pre-work by yourself if you can’t get these emotional states down through visualization and inner work. If this fails. don’t even think about conversation starters. Think about the positive things that have happened to you in the past week or month. so here it is. That emotion will be picked up by those around you and they will be a whole lot more receptive. No matter how good of words you can speak out. It’s actually quite misleading because this is not the secret to creating great relationships and happiness. However. people enjoyed the conversation and their company. Striking up a conversation with strangers is generally acceptable in most western cultures from North America to Europe to Australia. Anyplace This is one of the biggest questions that float around our focus here.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Starting Conversations Anytime. Without the right emotions.

you can just white-lie (it won’t hurt . you want to speak to other people prior or around just to get into the talkative mood. I’ll dive right in just to get into the talkative mood. The next step is to ask a relevant question about that comment and relate that to your life somehow. Do this a few times and you’ll be quite quick on your feet to find these interesting things about people that no one else is noticing. I’d observe things about everyone that passed by even if the person looked plain as “average joe” and mentally jot down a comment I’d compliment him on. Just think of something positive on the spot and you have a good comment. Sometimes. Keep the “people watching exercise” and mentally jot down 2 things: comment and question that relates to you. Sometimes. Another example is if someone is wearing an interesting pair of shoes walking down the sidewalk or is walking a dog that my sister used to have. To get to this point. Once. I’ll find a quiet time of the day in a park or downtown café and just “people watch” (It’s not a waste of time. if you can’t think of anything. It’s quite a relaxing moment actually). for example if someone is reading an interesting news article on the bus. or walking down the road.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Now. I’m decent at this skill and I can comment on virtually anyone in the elevator. at the bus stop. here’s my secret exercise so I’m well observant of things. if you don’t have the courage or confidence to strike up a conversation with the target person (perhaps some attractive person you fancy?). once I’m in the right mood and I see a stranger I wish to strike a conversation with. I normally spot something situational and comment about it positively.

Then. You have just rolled into an engaging conversation. just relate it to them if you can! If you don’t read an eclectic amount of books.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System anyone ☺) for the purposes of learning this skill… and who knows the person may end up liking you anyways! Let’s say the person is wearing a necklace. The second area of help that people need is starting fresh topics with people they already know but may want to further the relationship so things don’t seem so stale or uncomforting. magazines. or watch interesting TV shows.google. how they like it. The second way I enjoy starting conversations is to relate a situational story and ask them about it.truemors. simply ask the person if they know about any cruises near this harbor because you’d love to find some. I’ll ask them what they think. This starts conversations very easily and people love talking about themselves. Ask them what they think of the event and how they got there. then I’d to go to sites like: http://news. I just will say once I considered getting my mother something nice like that and ask them where they got it.com http://www. Let’s say the jazz concert is at a location near the water.com . etc. Or it doesn’t even have to be some major event by any means. If I see nothing I can relate at it. One of the easiest ways to overcome this is to use my trivia indulging techniques and you will definitely run into interesting topics or stories daily to talk about. For example. whatever the case may be. if something has happened recently on the news that’s relevant to the situation.

.com http://drudgereport. if you and your wife are a bit bored.com Now. Let’s say a friend you want to get closer to. the method I recommend the most actually is to involve the person in some live activities with you and just pursue new hobbies together. You’ll have lots to talk about. there are quite a few articles I was able to bring up into stories) http://www. I want you to remember that these are all just methods to an ends and you’ll eventually become so good that conversations are effortless and you never even think twice of what you need to say.stumbleupon. For example. I particularly liked Truemors because once I was planning a date with a woman who was planning to find work in bioinformatics … something that I know nothing about and after a short search on this site.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System ( Note. You get the point. just ask him/her to try out surfing and rock climbing with you. just surprise her and ask her if she wants to come learn tango dancing with you.

I will literally invite the person over to my place sometime on the point of commonality that we discovered. Be sure never to have any ulterior motives because it’s my firm belief that manipulative people simply don’t go very far in life. You have just created commonality out of thin air! The next step is to follow up on your points of commonality by meeting up a few times and enjoying the person’s company. because this is the zone where people see the difference between their . we decide we both like to collection antiques. Be sure to offer interest in their life and problems. I normally suggest a cool activity such as deep sea fishing and mentioned that I’ve always wanted to go … I’ll simply ask them to try it out too. you’re lying to yourself. The simple and obvious method is to reach for commonality. Let’s say on the first conversation. Would you want to have a friend pretend to like you when in reality he just wants you to sell your nice car to him for a low price (or something like that)? Trust me … life just doesn’t work that way so if you’re not REAL. If you can’t find the commonality. just simply reach for one by suggesting a fun activity and seeing if the person wants to come along sometime. I can simply invite him/her over to check out my collection and see if I can see his.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System How To Forge Friendships Effectively This is the second step that follows up starting conversations and to develop a closer bond with the person.

My life changed after I started focusing on my loyalty and care for friends. Plus. . you’ll have someone there for you during the bad times as well. people will cherish your company more during the good times. loyal friends and all the “heyday drinking” buddies. If you are there for them at their low times.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System true. Use this principle of loyalty and you will have no problem making a lot of close friends.

Imagine a time when you were powerful in a situation and clearly confident of what you were doing. . Let me walk you through one of my favorite exercises that is classic in NLP and makes you feel confident very easily.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Amazing Confidence This will supercharge the way you interact with the world through the use of neuro-linguistic programming techniques. Go through that “high” feeling a few times and really pinpoint the “sweet spot” where the feeling is the BEST. Repeat the above steps a few times so that your anchor is well exercised. but here’s how I like to do it. I like to connect my pinky to my thumb. 1. physically anchor that emotion by some normally unused physical motion. You’ll see this described in many ways. 4. 5. You don’t need to know the details. Go through it one more time and right before the sweet spot. You would describe yourself here as “unstoppable” or “invincible” because you knew how to handle it 110%! For some this may be you performing on stage. but it’s important to realize the need for this to rocket your communication skills. Lie down or sit and clear your mind of all the noise 2. others it may be you successfully convincing a friend to cheer up. 3.

Anytime you want to become confident and powerful. but it’s actually the strong mental association that triggers this. This will re-enforce it mentally more. the more instantaneous this feeling will come and transform your situation. This will work even if you are in fear. you have a good anchor that you can use almost anytime you want to. The more you do it. Before you go to sleep. The key here is to constantly anchor good experiences to what you already have. just fire this anchor and feel the high moment. The last association step was the missing link for me because I had tried this method before to no success.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System 6. The last part of the confidence equation is to go out and see the difference that you are making in this world. Every challenge that is conquered is a new brick that builds your house of mental well-being. do a few visualizations of you doing that physical anchor and really feeling the high. Repeat with new and better experiences . This will create a spiral effect that re-enforces why you have such power over your destiny and your confidence will improve by the day. Now.

Genuineness – This quality is extremely simple. you may need to practice the visualization . The end result is that it allows you a much easier step to persuading someone whether into action or a state of mind. etc. and you’ll eventually find yourself changing in this regard naturally. let’s see what these two mean so you can use them to your full advantage. Practice this with people you have just met or people you don’t even care about usually. Charisma is the ability to engage the environment into your positive energy and lift emotions. humor. Now. where you first think of a time where someone truly mattered to you and you just held on to every single word they spoke of. The secret components here are genuineness and having a slight higher energy level than the crowd.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System How To Be Charismatic? I’ll cut to the chase and describe what I’ve learned it to be. 1. yet one of the hardest to grasp and place into action. simply imagine that mood seeping into you as you interact. especially if you just can’t seem to care for the situation or person. whether this is through sincerity. You had listened with true caring intent as if there was a real personal connection and not just some rote motion. One way you can do this is the “fake it until you make it” method. If this “fake it until you make it” method doesn’t work for you. Now.

“Each person is a doorway to something potentially great. I find truly sad. happy ecstatic times are ok. Try out both and see. . and powerful just from this quality. Now. Hey. a bum or small child may tell me an adage that can shake the foundations in which I view my life (and this literally has happened to me) and I am an opportunity seeker so I will listen to people to discover my own potential benefit.“Who am I trying to fool by being not genuine? Do I actually have to impress anyone? Does it really matter? Why am I living in the shadow of SOMEONE ELSE’S life? Even if I’m embarrassed by something.“Would I want to be treated like nobody cares? Human reciprocation is there so if I treat others this way. Then use it out and you’ll begin feeling the genuine state of mind for almost anyone. but not as effective because although it sets the right mood. troublesome times in my memories to create the most vivid feelings where I was the most genuine and in concern. why should I expect them to treat me any better?” . wealthy. True genuineness not only comes with practice. People have gotten rich. who knows. Am I robbing myself of opportunity by not caring?“ . famous. pleasure is felt less than pain. just use the anchoring technique to hold it for yourself. Also. but internalized realizations that take time to believe… I know these to be true: .Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System ahead of time before going out to meet others. Spend about 10 minutes before and deeply visualize the emotion felt during a time where you were genuine in an interaction.

If you can be genuinely interested with various types of people. but rather some distinct quality that stands out desirably in the moment. Not only did I meet an amazing woman who shared interesting stories about her life. It does not mean you need to be more excited or humorous literally. you’re well on your way. uplifting way that encourages others to be infected by his emotional frame. 2. his “energy” in staying calm in the rough times and suavely knows . He stands out of the crowd in a positive. Practice this on crowds that you typically do not interact with much (beyond general courtesy). imagine a deep. I’m stating this in abstract terms. Eventually through practice. Now. when I mention his higher energy level. I even met my current fiancé. where a guy comes along and clearly stands out as the “life of the party”. To visualize this. mature figure such as 007 who expresses his lead. For example. you will push your comfort zone and develop the genuineness that should exist in every skilled communicator. I began by just being genuinely interested with the elderly woman who walked her dog in my neighborhood. keep reading them over and over if you have trouble. through one of her introductions. imagine that crowd in a bar. Higher Energy Level – This state is needed so that you are pulling the person or group in a certain direction instead of the other way around where they are leading the “energy” level.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System this life is too short to check what others feel about my own private business” If you use these.

but forget the genuineness aspect which produces “long-term” charisma in a relationship.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System EXACTLY what to do. These are the personality aspects. . I’ll discuss other aspects and special situations to really stand out of the crowd. That’s what people call a charismatic person and what you should aim for. This is the aspect of charisma that people normally see. This is charisma that stands out of the crowd. but to become an overall well-rounded charismatic person. These 2 key aspects alone will make you a charismatic and far more effective person at some levels.

because you can still get to their core. Situations like this can range from you speaking to a wealthy potential investor or you speaking to a famous model/actress. richer. you’ll meet these people at special events (seminars. etc) where they are clearly recognized for their high value. If he/she doesn’t know. Most of time. or influential than you? Is there a way to stand out of the crowd? Can you make these people WANT to talk to you? These are the people that we’ll define as having higher perceived “social value”. famous. Search engines can help me gather a few tidbits of who these people are at least in the public eye. . I’ll ask this person as much as I can about the person in question. I’ll find out who does and inquire them. Developing Background Knowledge There’s a major advantage to this type of meeting – you can PREPARE extremely well for it! Let’s say I’m going to a party of wealthy investment bankers. Read about what their current projects and plans are. Fear not. I’ll simply check out online resources to see if they are famous by any means. Then. I will find out their names from the person who is inviting me to the event.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Standing Out Of The Crowd: Charisma For Higher Social Status I used to wonder about this all the time… is there a way to charm those who seem more powerful. parties.

Now. Controversy always gets people’s attention. just research the background subject a bit more by reading at online forums regarding the topic. This doesn’t have to be an article by any means.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System If these people are not famous. . Now. This will be used as your point of contact tool which I’ll explain below. For example. let’s bring this back into action where you are about to meet them…. Make sure this is recent and interesting. but the reason I do this is because in case I can’t find a “value proposition”. I had checked out a few visualization techniques that were recently found to cure certain chronic conditions.. It’s even better if you can come up with a way to refute popular authority that they stand for. Normally. This was exactly in line with one coach’s teachings so I decided to save that article. It can even be a cool little observation on a new fashion trend (let’s say if this were some world famous fashion expert). what I like to do is see if I can find an article of some sort. whether on the Internet or elsewhere that answers the controversy to an intelligent and almost shocking extent. The article or knowledge is what I use to connect. there will be at least one or two controversial things that is going on in that matter of life. I was recently at a seminar where I had met some very famous self improvement coaches and the previous night. This may sound like a lot of work. I still have a way to peak their curiosity and create some sort of a relationship that stands out among the crowd. which I’ll explain below.

You get the point. Most of the time. almost tumbled down naked” and hopefully you are observant for hilarious or shocking things. Developing A Situational Hook This will be the first statement that you make to them so you stand out from the moment of speech. I prefer being last if the line is not too long simply. it’s refreshing. The situational hook is simply something that relates the current situation to something in which they said (if they were speaking or performing) or something you know they do.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System After their performance or presentation if they have one. Developing A Value Proposition This is perhaps the most important. let’s say you met a famous racecar driver. there usually will be a line of people waiting to speak with them. fame. Simply wait a little bit down the line until you feel you have the composure to present yourself at its best. Imagine it from the point of view of that listener … it’s refreshing if you can stand out. yet difficult one to grasp because if you are not aligned in the same expertise. and try for some rapport. These targets exactly at what they are currently after in life (and that’s why research was so important). what they are involved in. For example. Most people approach and introduce themselves and speak of what they want. or some sort of . because the “last person” delivers a memorable and potentially longer impression. this will be money. it may be difficult. I’d observe and the first thing I’d tell him is “That girl that was cheering for you.

will make you stand out. make sure to first hook them. Make it a point to connect with them on a personal level even if the commonality is small. you can re-approach them! So let’s re-iterate: When you do talk to them. Once you have demonstrated some value. Even if you have one skill or asset that can help them further. progressively ask more personal questions. to ask a few personal questions here and there. Let’s say you’re about to speak with a news media PR director. listen actively and that. what kinds of skills do I have to offer? You may think of anything from you owning a specific mailing list of people who may be interested in that story. you are creating a value proposition. or you may personally know an advertiser that will bring them more business. If you don’t.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System recognition. You think to yourself. Then. present them with a certain degree of value that makes your offering unique so that you are not another face in the crowd. without going past some intruding point. Remember. then building rapport through a natural progression of humor is normally recommended since this breaks down barriers and creates a personal flow. Now. in itself. Let me illustrate with an example. This can range from musical tastes to interesting hobbies and vacation travels to share . no sweat… just use the other techniques and once you have some sort of value asset. The hard part is that you either have it or you don’t.

almost looks like a <funny observation situational hook> George: hahah You: Hey my name is Mark. I have got to tell you about <background point of contact>! Rapport. rapport…. but don’t go over the top to be too nice or pleasing. value demonstration. You: <close with contact information assuming you have a limited time> Notice the dynamic here is to never seem needy and it’s a friendly conversation embedded with those key elements of situational hook. demonstrate value and just act like a personal friend to them. You will stand far above the crowd the more you practice these principles. Remember to hold your esteem high at this point because if you give them too much power. and feel fortunate fot the situation. You: <value proposition> why you do what you do…. Hi. respectful.. . Here’s an example of my chat with a wealthy CEO in my city: You: George (real name changed). Simply. they will unconsciously disrespect you as they do with everyone at places where their value is clear. That’s it for influencing high perceived value people. George: <positive response> Keep increasing rapport …. very interesting tie. that’s it! Be courteous. Your trivia/media/entertainment knowledge will help you tremendously in this arena. and point of contact.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System experiences.

lovers. The way I approach wanting to know someone better is by starting the ball rolling. As you progress with rapport and get commonality established. etc and want to perfect those relationships. Don’t lie to yourself. This is perhaps the hardest skill of them all because it’s such an art that varies with each person. whatever their goals may be. because people will sense that and only genuineness will win in this arena where earlier aspects can be faked without much difficulty (if you chose that route. there are people you may truly wish to bring into your life as very close friends. stop it right there and don’t even waste your time. People are shaken by transparency and honesty. I spear my own initiative. such as offering my trust and a helping hand to them. I will give you my general guidelines that work powerfully and almost universally.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Deep Rapport & Trust After all the fun and charm is done. If you trust someone then by human reciprocation. You will hurt them and yourself in the end indirectly. The key here is transparency and that is what leads to trust. because there is so little of it in a seemingly cynical world where people merely strive to “get ahead”. they will likely trust you on at least some level. If you have no real interest with this person. you need to realize the depth of relationship you have with this person and where you want to take it. They in turn . which I warn you against). I do not take this subject so lightly because trust and deeper bonds can be difficult to heal once you rip them.

Run this in your mind to feel the sense of belonging when with this person. I’m very shameful to admit any insecurity. The second aspect that is very important is to feel the emotion of iron clad trust while interacting with him. Take the initiative to tell a true story that touches you. but for this person I will. This is the same approach you should have with people you want to know better than the superficial. This will show up in your mood very easily. This leads to the last element which is showing a deep vulnerability. imagine this in the environment where you feel at ease the most. The honesty shows right through. It could be some idealized location such as a fishing lake pond or the mountains. once I know someone well. Imagine the situation with your closest friends and how you look forward to talking to them simply because it’s them and how they’ve represented themselves in your history. I’ll begin telling them about my classmates teasing me as a youth because I . I normally tell an embarrassing story from my youth that affected me in a hard way. where I in truth have nothing to gain here. This is very powerful in an increasingly cynical world.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System will reciprocate more and more because they see who I am as a person who means the best for them. because I care to see how they are doing. as you converse with someone. For example. For example. The key is to feel like yourself and trusting that the person will open up to you on a deeper level. I’ll even do simple things such as give them a phone call out of the blue for no reason.

This produced a tremendous effect because every time I see others in this type of “societal rejection”. no matter who it is. but if you read this section a few times and understand it. I’m not going to make any further assumptions. even if it was just a moment of my time. I no longer feel like a social outcast all the time. decided to mentor me a bit and I came on the path of social recovery. In high school. I can’t help but offer my hand in assistance…. It wasn’t until a special person walked into my life. It’s the demonstration of humanity that brings people closer.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System was really quiet. It made me frightened to speak up for a long time. Everyone has their own stories to weave and it’s just a matter of you being able to lay all your cards on the table. . you will have many close friends for the rest of your life. it only got worse.

You’ll be surprised what you can come up with once you get “out of your own head”! Let’s take for example. if you were out at a social gathering and stall on a great conversation topics you want to get in on. This literally taps new places in your mind. Let’s say I was tongue-tied.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System The “Zoom Out” Technique Here’s a technique that has done a lot for me whenever I am tongue-tied or just need a “re-frame” for a stressful situation. Interesting things always come up when you do this enough! The key is repetition because it may take you 30 seconds at first to get something good. It’s your little secret. without thinking too much. but can’t find the right words. I’d simply imagine myself in the third person perspective for a second or two. You’ll also develop a hunch for the best thing to say using this technique over and over again. Once in this zone for a moment. Just trust yourself and your inner 3rd person “guide”. you can get your 3rd person mind thinking quite quickly. I normally get well practiced at this zoom out technique by doing it for virtually any situation during the day. I pretend I am some cosmic deity for a second. Then with more practice. Zoom out and mentally jot interesting things about the conversation or situation. . simply comment on the situation from your “deity” vision. Just use this technique and a unique comment will get you in. I noticed myself there speaking or interacting with my environment. whatever it may be.

That’s another key factor to coming up with lots of stuff to talk about – stop what’s hindering you.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System The other advantage of this technique is that you literally stop your past train of thought (that may be hindering your real effectiveness). .

debate. Then make a counter to each event that the other party (whether one person or a crowd) brings to you. It is simply imagining a mock interaction in your head and every possibility that it can take. unfortunately.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Imaginary Debate Techniques To really prep up and get “in the zone” for a social interaction (important presentation. etc).” Them: “I’ll have to dismiss you from the job.” You: “I know I shouldn’t have done that. Plus. . Here’s an example for a potential argument that you may fear. Scenario A – Them: “So why were you so late?” You: “Because I had overslept honestly. Can I make it up to you somehow to avoid losing the job?” Then negotiate…. Make this 2 to 3 steps ahead in your head. I assure you. you can only get better as with all the techniques over time. May I show you what I have accomplished in the meantime?” Scenario B – Them: “So why were you so late?” You: “Because I had overslept honestly. here’s something that’s rarely failed me.” Them: “Do you not even care for other people’s time?” You: “That’s never the case. I’ll make it my top priority to avoid that in the future.

Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System The above is a very basic example with 2 counter scenarios. The real value of this exercise is that you’re preparing your mind for a multitude of options to draw from when put on the spot. it’ll usually be 10 times better once you get proficient! . If you want to get really good. What actually comes out will not be what you think. obviously create a few more. Imagining every scenario and counter scenario before it happens. a few steps ahead. in fact. When it does. you’ll be prepared with something very close.

As he calms. This is a very general statement so let me explain. The key here is to prove relevance to their situation and then “bend” them over to your point of view. the opposite is actually true many times because people are curious of what they don’t understand…. So let’s say you are computer illiterate and you are trying to join a conversation of tech geeks who may be spewing jargon back and forth. Make sure to spend some time listening before asking questions. Perhaps you are laughing at the ignorance in their conversations – They don’t know yet! How about someone who is emotionally difficult to handle? You need to seek the common ground and calm their emotions first before being able to convince them of anything you say. the angry husband has to be handled by first discovering what he wants out of the argument and learning to appeal to that. So for example. Let’s say you want to connect with someone who is very different from you in way of life or thinking. The secret here is to look for commonality at some level and drill from there onwards. . This “re-framing” technique is very useful in just about all difficult situations.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Handling Difficult People/Situations I’ve made this “problem handling” section because people always wonder how to communicate with difficult people. The misconception is that if you are silent you will lose respect. then slowly contour the conversation to your light of thinking.

If you are female. I’ve tested this over and over on myself and some others. It may feel funny or fake. deeper voice for a short while. For a short whole.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Voice Practice I wanted to mention this section because it’s worth practicing. perfecting (especially if you are male. Just like breathe regulation. Be sure to do this before going to an important social function. voice regulation can do wonders for your communication presence. . You can even try this with a friend…. Go through the vocal range of the vowels: Aaaaaaaaaaa Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Ooooooooooooo Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu 3. deep tone. Talk sentences and keep repeating until you feel (or your partner hears the difference). Calm down your breathing and begin speaking deeply. 2. and even more. as if you are visualizing the sound coming from deep in your abdomen. 1. Your voice will make you all that more attractive! Believe me …. but keep visualize and talk in a slow. you’ll hear your voice go on auto-pilot and you’ll keep this composed. this section makes little difference).

famous CEOs. one you’ve never discovered before. just drop me and my team a line at: http://www.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Conclusion I hope this manual has provided you with a priceless resource on improving your social skills or sharpening what you already do well. Immersion method For those who wish to take these methods to the test. If you ever have any troubles or need some personal coaching. however I do this all the time traveling for clients… it’s simply an incredible skill to develop. will pay off in spades for your social life. real lasting relationships) as possible. try to meet and connect with as many noted figures in that area as possible.conversationfire. Remember that mastering just one extra technique or mindset. etc. See it as a vacation and try to make as many friends (yes. If you find that easy.php . This may sound like a very illogical and funny exercise to some.com/contact. try to move to an entirely different region of the country for just a few days. The catch is that you cannot rely on any existing contacts to introduce you. This means mayors.

audio. and readings) for everyone.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System I will personally go out of my way to make sure every member is taken cared of and will reach the desired goals they were after. This may range from becoming more outgoing to help with phobias. Take care and God bless! . Don’t forget to check back as your membership grows in value over time since I’m adding new resources (downloads.

The bottom two are the solar plexus (center right below the breast area has an indent) and below that is the spot 1 inch above the belly bottom which is the navel area. This is not meant as a medical treatment in any form.Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Appendix A: Shown above are spots on your body where a “stress point” may need physical and neurological conditioning. Do not do any exercises if it goes against any medical condition and treatment. See the audio lesson on “neurological condition” for eliminating social discomforts. consult your doctor and physician first and strictly follow those directions. . Remember to be gentle and soothing. When in any doubt.

To create your own referral link. to track your commissions. go to: http://www. .Copyright 2008 The “Conversation Fire” System Earn An Easy $25 Up To $49 By Referring A Friend Want to help others and make some easy cash referring others to the “Conversation Fire” system (we pay you 70% per purchase)? It’s very easy simply by posting on discussion boards or placing ads in social skills/problems related e-zines or websites. with secrets and methods that are found no where else.com/cb/affiliates.conversationfire.php Includes real proof of how easy it is to promote this best-selling system. PROVEN system. This unique system sells extremely well because it is a field-tested.